#this AU hasn't left me I love this so much already | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelwonie · 2 years

Text

HIS SMILE || kim mingyu

PAIRING: mingyu x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 20.5k

GENRE(S): smut, fluff, slowburn, fake dating!au

SUMMARY: falling in love with your fake boyfriend isn't a good idea, and it's even worse if that fake boyfriend happens to be Kim Mingyu. but you just can't help it — he's got the prettiest smile you've ever seen.

WARNINGS: smut [unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), praise, size kink(!), overstimulation, fingering, manhandling, light dumbification] mingyu is strong...

“Oh, poor Y/N, you probably still haven't gotten yourself a boyfriend, have you?”

You can feel yourself tensing up at the words said by your colleague, Karina, her lips formed in a smile that completely contradicts the way she just spoke to you. She's acting as if it's just an innocent question, something she asked because she's genuinely curious – though you both know she said it to humiliate you, or maybe just to make you envy her for getting a loving boyfriend before you did. Either way, she's really getting on your nerves, and from what you can glimpse to the left, your best friend isn't very amused, either.

“No, of course she hasn't. With all the college work, I doubt she has the time,” One of your other colleagues defends you, sensing the tense atmosphere, and you send her a thankful smile.

“Right,” Karina says, a hint of amusement that very much pisses you off visible in her eyes. Her smile is so fake, it makes you want to throw up. “I’m glad I have my boyfriend, though, he's so lovely. Last night, when I came home, he'd prepared me homemade dinner and–”

You're growing more and more annoyed by the second when suddenly, Karina's monologue is cut off by your best friend's voice. And that relief that washes over you when Karina stops talking is wiped away the moment you hear what your friend has to say.

“Y/N does have a boyfriend, actually.”

What. The. Actual. Fuck. What did she just say? Did you hear her right? Judging by your friends’ mouths that are hanging open, you probably did. And you surely look just as confused as them, because in all honesty, you do not have a boyfriend and one look in your best friend’s direction tells you she's already regretting her not thought-through actions.

“What?” Karina asks finally, this time her tone much more unamused. Is her voice quivering? “You’re joking, right?”

One look at her scandalized expression is enough to make you realize that you can't back out now. Not if you don't want to see her condescending smile every day for the next twenty years. So just grin at them, sending your best friend a sideways glare as she starts rambling about your nonexistent boyfriend.

“Oh, we're not joking,” She assures them, and it takes all of your willpower to stop yourself from hitting her right then and there. “He’s handsome as hell and so kind. Oh, and he's really, really tall.”

“Oh my god, show us a picture, Y/N!” One of your colleagues exclaims and you're suddenly very aware that all of their attention is on you.

“A– A picture?” You look at your friend frantically, but apparently, this is the extent of her helpfulness, because she's looking everywhere but at you. Traitorous bitch. Why’d she spew so much nonsense if she isn't even going to take responsibility for it? “Right, let me find one real quick.”

This is bad. Really bad. And what makes it even worse, is that today, of all days, when you open your phone with trembling hands, the last picture in your camera roll isn’t a photo of you with any of your close friends like it usually is. It could’ve been Soonyoung or even Wonwoo, and just like that, you could’ve introduced one of them as your super handsome boyfriend. But no, fate clearly isn’t on your side today.

No, today, of all days, the last picture in your camera roll is of you and the one and only Kim Mingyu – a guy known on campus for both his looks and his outgoing personality. He's got all the girls swooning over him, and until recently, you've been all but silently admiring him when you're in school – letting your eyes fan over his frame when he plays soccer or resting your gaze on him for a little too long during an otherwise boring lecture. You finally got the chance to talk to him for the first time no earlier than yesterday, but only after making sure there’s enough alcohol in your system to flirt with him shamelessly.

“Maybe you should give me your number,” You’d said as you were getting ready to leave, batting your eyelashes up at him. “You know, just so I don’t forget who to call when I need someone to change a lightbulb in my apartment.”

“Are you sure that’s the only reason?” He’d asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement and handing you your phone back, this time with his number in it.

“Of course I am,” You responded, mimicking his facial expression. “We should take a picture together, too.”

“Why? So you won’t forget my face?”

You smiled at his playful tone – or maybe simply at the sound of his voice. “No. So that you won’t forget mine.”

He chuckled – a sound you still haven’t forgotten even though you were drunk as hell when hearing it – and let you click a few photos, putting his arm around your shoulder as if he really was your boyfriend. And then, when you were looking through the pictures, you felt his eyes on you again – this time different from when you were talking earlier, more intense somehow. Meeting that gaze of his, you were almost worried your knees would give out from underneath you, but someway, you managed to stand on your feet long enough for you to see his lips forming into a small, yet sincere smile and for his arm to leave your shoulder, instead caressing your cheek.

For a moment, you were certain he was going to kiss you – with the way he was leaning forwards slowly, stroking your skin and making your heart beat faster than ever before. And just when you thought he was going to connect his lips to yours, he placed them dangerously close to your jaw instead, his voice low and distracting in your ear.

“I wouldn’t be able to forget such a pretty face even if I wanted to, sweetheart.”

Blame it on the alcohol, but his words quite literally made you go insane and you went home with a giddy smile on your face, happy with how things were going. Now, though, you're putting all of that at risk.

Honestly, it's kind of your own fault. If you hadn’t decided to have a photoshoot with him while in your drunken state, you wouldn’t have ended up in this situation, with your phone clutched tightly in your hand, ah’s and oh’s leaving the mouths of your so-called friends as they look at the picture you’re showing them. A picture of you and Kim Mingyu, someone who is definitely not your boyfriend.

“Your boyfriend’s really handsome, Y/N, I’m so jealous!”

Oh, God. This is truly the worst possible outcome of this whole situation, isn’t it? How does one go from finally piquing a handsome guy’s interest to lying about being in a relationship with him in less than 24 hours?

“Oh, and by the way, Y/N, me and Karina are planning to go to her boyfriend’s soccer game this weekend. You and your boyfriend should come, too.”

You're thrown off guard by your colleague's question – they've never really invited you to things like that before. Guess you're much more interesting now that you have a tall, kind and handsome boyfriend. Correction: now that you're pretending to have a tall, kind and handsome boyfriend. Your friend is looking at you like she wants you to say no – even she is well aware that you're in a screwed-up position right now – but if you tell them you can't make it, you know that you'll be giving Karina exactly what she wants. And there's no way you're going to let her find out about this lie.

“Oh my god, really? We’d love to,” You say, mustering up a smile that turns real when you see the way Karina’s jaw is clenching.

“See you on Saturday, then.”

—

Okay, so it did feel amazing to see the look on Karina’s face when you told her you have a boyfriend, but you didn’t exactly think it through when you agreed to bring him to the soccer game on Saturday. Because that means that now, you can’t keep this a secret from Mingyu anymore – you have to ask him to get involved. Which is why already an hour after you leave the cafe with your colleagues, you’re calling Kim Mingyu, asking him if he has ten minutes to spare.

“It’s urgent,” You practically beg him on the phone.

“You missed me that much?” You can almost hear the smirk that’s planted onto his face, and it makes your heart skip a beat in your chest. Only once, though, before you realize you’re probably going to lose all chances of dating him soon enough. “Alright, I’ll be there in five minutes.”

And so here you are – sitting by a small table outside of a cafe, right across from Kim Mingyu. You're kind of just staring at him, stalling, because you're not sure how to tell him why you asked him to come. To your defense, it is a little embarrassing that you're here to ask him to be your fake boyfriend for a day. Much to your surprise, he's not saying anything, either, his eyes on you as you sit in silence. You can't really tell from his gaze whether he's amused or annoyed, but when the waiter brings you your drinks and you hand him his coffee, there is a small smile tugging at his lips and he tilts his head to the side. He's probably expecting you to speak now.

So you clear your throat and open your mouth, ready to tell him everything. Only you never get that far, because suddenly he's the one speaking.

“You’re different today.”

“What?” You ask, dumbfounded.

“You’re different than yesterday,” He says, smiling softly – as if more to himself than to you. “More nervous.”

Yeah, that's because there's no alcohol in my system, and you're ridiculously handsome, dumbass, you want to say.

“I’m not nervous,” You say instead.

“Really? You look nervous,” He grins wider, pointing at the way you're fiddling with the rings on your fingers. Hearing him point it out, you stop immediately. Seeing your reaction, he adds: “Don’t worry, it's cute.”

And a wink. He’s winking at you. You hate him. So much. You hate him, and his stupid flirting, and his stupid smile, because right now, you're trying to ask him for a favour, and here he is, making you feel like there are thousands of butterflies swarming in your stomach. And you can't even look him in the eye, because you're sure that if you did, he would be able to see right through you and how you feel like you're about to faint. But then again, you can’t exactly blame him when you’re the one who told everyone he was your boyfriend.

“Um, okay, so either way,” You start, voice already trembling. “What I wanted to say is that I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend and go to a soccer game with me this weekend.”

As expected, Mingyu’s initial reaction is a very shocked ‘can you repeat that, please?’ and when you do, he raises his eyebrows, opening his mouth to say something. But you don’t let him, because you’re already utterly embarrassed and you just want to get this over with as fast as possible. So you let the words stream out of your mouth, and you explain everything – from how annoying Karina is to how truly sorry you are for dragging him into this whole mess.

“And I’m really, really sorry, but it’s just like I can’t tell them it was a lie, because they’ll totally-”

You’re babbling and babbling, looking everywhere but Mingyu’s eyes as he interrupts you.

“Okay.”

Your head tilts upwards to look at him instinctively and you’re met with the sight of him resting his chin on his hand, his pearly teeth on display as he grins. “What?”

“Okay, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

“You’ll…”

“I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend so that your friends won’t find out you lied,” He repeats, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, before he leans closer to you over the table – an act that makes you pull back with heat rising to your cheeks. “But only on one condition. You have to pay for my meals for as long as we’re dating.”

“Fake dating,” You clear your throat and correct him as he leans back in his chair again, and he only smiles in response, which your heart apparently takes as a sign to start beating like crazy. Why the fuck is his smile so alluring? God really does have his favorites, doesn’t he? If he’s going to keep looking at you like that, this whole fake-dating might end pretty quickly with a heart failure. “Yeah, okay, I suppose that’s fair, since I only need you as my boyfriend until this Saturday.”

“Only until this Saturday?” He pouts and a smile creeps onto your features, despite your attempts at holding it back. “Alright, then, I’ll see you around, Y/N.”

And he walks off, leaving you feeling a little too excited for someone who needs to pretend they’re dating Kim Mingyu.

—

Soccer. You know absolutely nothing about it, despite having ‘accidentally’ lost your way to the dorm and walked past the soccer field to watch Mingyu play countless times before. That’s why you tried doing research this morning – only that you were so uninterested that all you managed to memorize was that there are 11 players on each team. Way to go, Y/N. Now you’ll definitely impress Mingyu and fool everyone into thinking you’re dating someone who plays soccer.

“You okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” You say as you see Mingyu’s worried expression. He's really cute when he's looking at you like that – like he cares for real, not just pretend. And that's probably what possesses you to tell him, of all people, why you're nervous. “Just a little stressed, because I know absolutely nothing about soccer, and I’m scared our relationship won’t seem believable.”

Why did you just say that? You literally wanted to impress him by pretending to be a soccer expert and now, you're straight up telling him you're clueless? Wow, you are doing a great job at making this whole thing more awkward than it already is.

“Why wouldn’t it?” Mingyu doesn't seem to mind what you told him though, looking more confused than annoyed. “Look, I’ve been watching my teacher explain algebra over and over again, but that doesn’t mean I get it.”

His words have you snorting with laughter and you can see his shoulders loosen up as he smiles. The look he's giving you is making something turn in your stomach – two days ago, you hadn't talked to him before, and suddenly, he's gazing at you as if you're the most interesting thing in the world. Is this how he gets all the girls to fall for him? If so, you totally understand them.

“Besides, you don’t need to like all the things I like for me to like you.”

Okay, um, he didn't need to say it like that. You can't stop your head from whipping around to look at him again, heart beating quicker and quicker, so loudly you fear he might hear it. It's like everything is in slow motion – your body's burning up and he's smiling, unaware of how affected you are by what he said. And he looks stunning, with his hair falling onto his forehead, hands buried in the pockets of his jacket and a cap on his head. You hate caps. They're ugly and are only worn by middle schoolers. But Mingyu wears one, and somehow, it only makes your heart beat harder against your chest.

You chuckle nervously to hide your flustered state, hoping to god you didn't stare at him in silence for too long. “Right, uh, we should get to our seats maybe.”

“Sure,” He smiles again (maybe they should ban smiling from now on, it's proven to cause heart palpitations) and puts his arm around your shoulders. Upon seeing your caught off guard expression, he adds: “We’re dating, remember?”

It's not like he's letting you forget, though.

The seats Karina reserved are somewhere in the back, but since the stadium is huge and the seats are high up, you can pretty much see everything without much trouble. This is something Mingyu notices right away, completely discarding the idea of introducing himself first in order to praise your colleagues for their seat choice.

“Wow, these seats are great,” He says, gaining everyone's attention. From the corner of your eye, you can glimpse the way some of your friends’ mouths drop open. “Whoever picked them out must know their stuff.”

You can see the way Karina's face lights up at Mingyu’s words and it makes you want to throw up. Not only because she's getting on your nerves, but also because you feel a sting in your chest at the fact that Mingyu praised her. You have no right to feel that way – you're not dating him for real, after all – but it hurts just a little bit after what he said earlier. ‘Besides, you don’t need to like all the things I like for me to like you’. What a load of bullshit.

“Aww, thank you,” You'd almost forgotten how fake her overly sweet voice sounds. “You must be Y/N’s boyfriend. I'm Karina, her friend since high school.”

Friend is a bit of an overstatement, for sure. All the two of you had in common in high school was crushing on the same guy. Which is, by the way, the guy who’s sitting next to Karina right now, fingers interlaced with hers. Seungcheol – someone you wasted three years of your life obsessing over, only for him to end up with Karina in the end. And you don’t realize how much of a grudge you still hold against him for choosing her over you before Mingyu finishes introducing himself, and it’s Seungcheol’s turn to smile in your direction.

“Nice to finally meet you, I’m Seungcheol,” He tells your fake boyfriend, before his eyes land on your frame and you feel yourself tense up. “Hey, Y/N, long time no see.”

“Yeah, I guess,” You say with a forced smile, unwillingly taking a step back when he leans forward and holding your breath until you realize he’s just going to shake Mingyu’s hand. Sighing in relief as he sits back down, you silently curse yourself for acting so nervous around him. Still, you can’t help the way it’s like a blunt knife boring into your chest when you lock eyes with the man who cut off all contact with you the moment he met Karina.

Lost in thought, you almost miss the way Mingyu’s grip tightens on your shoulders. Almost.

You turn to send him an inquiring look, but he either doesn’t notice or he just brushes it off, and takes you to your assigned seats. He plops down between you and Seungcheol – deliberately or not, you don’t know, but it sure makes you feel more at ease and you relax in his grip. That’s when you realize he still hasn’t let go of your shoulders, and you’re suddenly very aware of how close he is. There’s still space between your bodies, but his knee is brushing over yours and you can smell his cologne clearly. It’s expensive, probably, but it’s not a strong or bold scent. Still, it’s a distinctive aroma – you’ve never smelt it before and yet, you’d have no problem recognizing it after today.

The soccer game is boring, to say the least. You find yourself almost drifting off to sleep multiple times, and each time, you remind yourself that you’re sitting next to Kim Mingyu and he’ll most definitely be disgusted if you fall asleep and drool onto his shoulder. But even though you stay awake, you give up on watching the game about halfway, opting for looking at Mingyu instead.

He’s much more entertaining than some random people kicking a ball, anyway. Besides, his expressions pretty much mirror the whole game. You can tell when his favorite team scores a goal by the way he grins from ear to ear, laughing to himself, and you can tell when a good player misses, because he scrunches his nose up and has this disappointed look in his eyes. That disappointment is so bleak that it has you thinking that whoever does something to make him look at them like that is just, plainly put, a bad person. Silently, you hope he’ll never look at you that way.

“You’re quite invested in this game,” You lean over to Mingyu, raising your voice a little so that he’ll hear you through the noise of cheering people.

“Well, of course I am,” He tears his gaze away from the game to look at you, but only for a moment, before he’s watching the players run across the field with excitement-filled eyes. “This game determines who gets to play in the finale.”

“Ah, I see,” You say and Mingyu doesn’t miss how you smile to yourself, lowering your head as you push your hair away from your face. It’s to no avail, though, because it keeps falling down anyway. He smiles to himself, too, at the scene, but looks away before your eyes can meet, seemingly focused on the game again.

By the time the soccer game is finished, you’re pretty much bored to death – especially since for the past ten minutes, Mingyu has only been talking to Karina and her boyfriend. And for some reason, that makes you really mad. What can they say that’s so interesting? Maybe he should pretend to be Karina’s boyfriend instead, if he likes her so goddamn much. No, Y/N, what the hell? Fake dating has nothing to do with liking. It’s not like Mingyu is here because he likes you. No, he’s pretending to be your boyfriend, because… because, well, because you begged him to. And because you’re paying for his meals.

Still, it kind of angers you that Mingyu has the decency to smile like that at other people than you – since you’ve already been more exposed to heart problems because of that smile, shouldn’t it be reserved for only you?

“I’m leaving,” You tell them, eager to get home and still caught up in that sense of betrayal – something you don’t really have a right to feel in this situation. But it’s not like you can control your emotions. “Bye.”

Locking eyes with Mingyu for a moment, you sigh before turning around to leave just as your colleagues eagerly say something you can’t quite pick up to your so-called boyfriend. You hear their goodbyes faintly in the background as you start walking down the stairs to the exit, starting to feel a little stupid for just walking away like that – if you didn’t, you could have left together with Mingyu. But he doesn’t seem to mind staying and talking to Karina, so why should you care? You’re starting to think he only agreed to fake date you because of this.

“Hey, Y/N, wait up!” You hear a voice that undoubtedly belongs to none other than Kim Mingyu and it has you smiling before you can even turn around. God, you’re really starting to feel like those butterflies swarming in your stomach aren’t just from you being nervous about lying to your colleagues.

You’re feeling so giddy that you don’t really look where you’re putting your feet as you turn around, which results in your foot slipping off of the stair step and you fall onto the stairs with a wince that leaves your mouth in response to the sharp pain that cruises through your ankle. You want to cry out for Mingyu, but before you can even gather your thoughts enough to do that, he’s already by your side, his dark eyes open wide as they scan your face.

“Are you okay?” He asks, but before you get to reply, his hands cup your face, squishing your cheeks together as he tilts your head to one side, then the other, studying you intently enough for heat to rise to your face. Jeez, why are you thinking about the fact that he’s touching you when you literally just fell down the stairs? You seriously need to get your shit together.

“You’re not,” He decides finally, reaching out to wrap his arms around your waist, and you look up at him in disbelief, prompting him to add: “I’ll carry you.”

He doesn’t wait for an answer or anything, just lifts you up with one arm under your knees and the other under your back like it’s the easiest thing in the world. You think you can hear Karina shout something in the background, but you’re not sure, easily distracted by the feeling of warmth radiating off his body that is now closer to you than it’s been ever before. He’s just your fake boyfriend, but that doesn’t make the loud beating of your heart any less real from where you’re looking up at his focused face, thinking about whether he’s also feeling that small spark of electricity in his body when he touches you.

“But I think I can walk, though,” You mumble against his shoulder, and mentally curse yourself for feeling your heart speed up when he looks down on you, his nose less than two centimeters from your own. His breath lands on your face, at which you turn away from him, just to calm your racing heart a little bit.

“Why would you walk when I can carry you?”

His tone is genuinely confused and you start to think that he must be completely oblivious to the many feelings that stir up inside of you when he starts walking through the alley leading back to the dorms. Words like that are enough to make someone fall in love and yet, he's just saying them like it's something obvious – like it's obvious that since you've hurt your ankle, he has to carry you back home. Even though you can walk. Even though you could take a cab. Even though he's not your boyfriend.

He continues walking like nothing happened – because, as you've finally figured out, he probably doesn't think anything did happen – and you keep your head on his shoulder, feeling pretty miserable as you smell the scent of his shampoo clearly. You’re almost by the dorms when he suddenly stops, putting you down on a bench and telling you he’ll be right back before disappearing into some store, which you soon understand is a pharmacy.

“I’ll pay you back,” You tell him the minute he walks out of the store with an elastic bandage in his hand.

“Don’t worry about it,” He says softly, but you wish he didn’t. Can’t he just let you win this one time? It’s like, every time you see him, he proves that he not only doesn’t have any flaws, but also that he has a lot of qualities you didn’t know about before. But what if you don’t want to know about them? It’s enough that he’s making your heart flutter when he’s pretending to be your boyfriend, but now nobody is watching, so why is he like this? Does he want you to fall in love with him?

If he continues acting like this, you fear that might actually happen.

You watch quietly as he kneels down and helps you take off your shoe, wrapping the bandage around it as if he’s done it a million times before. And you don’t say anything, afraid that if you do, you’ll start crying. Not because it hurts when he touches your ankle, but because he looks absolutely beautiful, face illuminated by the setting sun. You’ve seen him play soccer so many times, and each time, you’ve internally screamed about how hot he looked, but this is different. This time, you can’t take your eyes off of him – his brows furrowed in concentration, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. It’s all so humane, and yet so captivating to watch.

Before you can even stop yourself, your hand is alreading coming up to Mingyu’s face and pushing his bangs away from his face, and it’s not before he looks up that you freeze with your fingers touching his cheek, realizing what you just did.

“Your hair,” You blurt out, immediately pulling your hand back and feeling your body grow hot when you lock eyes with him. “It was in your eyes, so I just… sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” He tilts his head to the side, and you look down, pushing your own hair out of your face.

You don’t answer his question – what are you supposed to say? Not even you know why you apologized. Wait, no, you do know. Because you feel like you’re treating something fake as if it’s real. But isn’t that exactly what he’s doing, too? He’s talking to you like he enjoys it, putting a bandage onto your ankle and worrying about whether or not you are hurt. And none of it seems fake when he does it. Oh, you’re definitely going crazy. Good thing this whole arrangement is over now.

Right. It’s over. With all the stuff that has been going on, you totally forgot that your deal ended right after the soccer game. There’s no reason for you to see Kim Mingyu ever again. You can just cleanse your mind completely, starting tomorrow.

“Don’t you have any hair ties?”

Mingyu’s voice makes you look up in confusion, only to see him sitting right next to you on the bench. “Sorry?”

“Your hair keeps falling into your face, too,” He points out. “You should put it up.”

“Oh, I don’t really like putting my hair up,”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, it’s just… I feel like it looks bad on me.”

You feel his gaze on you again, lips pushed in a pout and he looks at you like he’s examining a soccer game. Which partly makes you feel uneasy, but mostly, you’ve grown to enjoy being the center of his attention. Which is dumb. Because he’s just talking to you since you promised to pay for his meals.

“That makes no sense,” He decides finally with a smile. “It’s common knowledge that if you have a pretty face, you should put it on display for everyone to see, you know.”

“What kind of bullshit is that?” You scoff, feeling something turn in your stomach. Pretty face. He’s evil for saying it, but you’re the one at fault for feeling like you’re about to float into the air at his words.

“It’s not bullshit,” He protests. “But it made you smile, so you can think whatever you want. As long as you stop walking around grumpy, because it’s making me feel uneasy.”

“Why is it making you feel uneasy?”

“Because I prefer it when you smile,” He grins, before standing up from the bench. “Come on, we should get going. It’s dark already.”

One look to the sky is enough to make you realize that it is, in fact, already dark, so you grab Mingyu’s outstretched hand and you let him pick you up, this time placing you on his back instead. You wrap your legs around his waist, resting your chin on his shoulder – justifying it by saying that it’s the last time you can enjoy being this close to him. Which is true, but it still doesn’t justify how you’re drinking in his scent and the sound of his breath as if you’re trying to memorize it.

“Are you sure you can carry me all the way to campus?”

“Yes, of course,” He says before bringing one arm up to flex his biceps. “I’m a strong boy.”

You chuckle at his antics, taking the opportunity to bury your head in his neck, feeling how goosebumps spread all over his skin when your nose brushes over it. “You’ve been a good fake boyfriend, you know. Thank you for doing this.”

“What?” You hear Mingyu’s confused tone. “Oh, right, I forgot to tell you. Karina asked if you and I wanted to join them for bowling tomorrow.”

You sigh. “And what did you tell her?”

“That we would come,” He says and upon seeing your expression, he’s quick to add: “I mean, what else was I supposed to say? That we’re planning on breaking up tomorrow?”

You sigh miserably, knowing that he’s right. It’s not like he could say anything else.

“Are you mad?” He asks after a while, and you ponder for a bit on that question.

Are you mad? Yeah, you are. But after some thought, you realize you’re not mad that you’re going bowling or that you have to keep pretending that Mingyu is your boyfriend – you’re mad because this means you no longer have an excuse for the way you feel happy in his company, or the way you’re tightly holding onto his shoulders right now. Because it’s not the last time you get to hear his voice, to feel his touch, to see his face, and yet you’re looking at him as if it is. And you have a feeling you’re starting to figure out exactly why that is.

“No,” You reply finally. “Just tired.”

Yeah. Sleep will fix everything. It has to.

—

Sleep doesn’t fix anything at all.

If anything, it makes everything worse, because you dream about Mingyu and his godforsaken smile that he bestows upon you right before he leans down to press his lips to yours. And that’s when you wake up, feeling more miserable than ever. Now you’re really starting to wonder why the fuck you thought it was a good idea to start fake-dating your crush.

God, Y/N, get your shit together. Are you really so weak that you can’t spend two hours in Mingyu’s presence before you start dreaming about him? In all honesty, though, it’s not your fault that he looks so pretty when he smiles. And when he doesn’t.

“Shut the fuck up,” You mumble to yourself as you get up.

Today is going to be a long day.

“Where are the others?” Is the first thing you ask Mingyu when you arrive at the bowling center, where he’s sitting alone on a chair by the bowling track. Your only solace when you thought about meeting Mingyu again and having to deal with his painfully handsome face, was that the two of you wouldn’t be alone, and yet somehow, you’re the two first to arrive.

“Not here yet,” He says, looking up from his phone and pushing his hair back to look at you. “You walked all the way here?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You shouldn’t be walking long distances when your ankle is hurt,” He points out and you press your lips together into a thin line – it’s 1pm and he’s already making your insides turn to mush. Great. “Sit down at least, if you’re gonna be so stubborn.”

You nod and do as you’re told, looking everywhere but at Mingyu. Maybe if you don’t look at his face, you can stop this stupid crush from turning into something worse. It’s naive, but it’s better than having your heart flutter at the smallest of things. Like when he ran his fingers through his hair earlier – why the hell did you get goosebumps from that? You must be out of your mind.

“Do I make you feel uncomfortable or something?” Mingyu asks suddenly, and it makes you really feel bad for acting like that. It’s not like he’s making you feel like this on purpose. “It’s like you don’t want to look at me.”

Oh, you do want to look at him. You just know better than to hurt yourself like that.

You sigh and turn to him, resting your chin on your hand. “Is this better?”

“Much better,” He smiles cheerfully in return.

“You’re so full of yourself.”

And rightfully so, you think to yourself as he giggles softly, before opening up a bottle of water and putting it up to his lips. You’re wishing you never turned to look at him again, because the way the sleeves of his shirt have rolled up to reveal his arms should be illegal. You can see the way his muscles flex as he opens the bottle, the way his jaw and neck are on display when he tilts his head backwards to drink. The way his soft lips wrap around the mouth of the bottle has your mind reeling with images of him kissing you like that, and since the vision is making your whole body heat up, you turn your eyes away, searching for something else to focus on.

You find that ‘something’ on the table in front of you – there’s another bottle of water there and you decide it’s a good distraction, so you reach for it. Everything goes well until you’ve tried to open it three times and the cork doesn’t even move an inch. What the fuck?

“You need help with that?”

Mingyu’s looking at you with a hint of amusement in his eyes, hands already taking the bottle from you without waiting for a proper answer. You give up on protesting and silently sit back, watching the veins on his hand become more apparent as he opens the bottle with ease, before handing it back to you with a satisfied grin on his face. It’s obvious in the way he’s looking at you that opening the bottle for you boosted his ego, and it makes you roll your eyes.

“You don’t have to look so happy, you self-obsessed idiot.”

“Who are you calling self-obsessed?” He pouts, suddenly leaning forward and pinching your cheeks – something that makes your heart beating stop for a good five seconds. “I just wanted to help my cute baby out.”

“I’m not your–”

“Oh my god, you two are so freaking cute!” You’re interrupted by a voice that undoubtedly belongs to one of your colleagues who just walked in, Karina and Seungchoel in tow. Taking it as a sign, you pull away from Mingyu, feeling your heart beat so hard that you’re scared it’s going to beat out of your chest. What the hell just happened? “Sorry we’re late, we missed the bus.”

The fact that you’re not alone with Mingy anymore allows you to pull yourself together a bit, and you’re happy to see that he’s leading the conversation without asking you for any input. Soon enough, Karina wants to start bowling, and you’re divided into three groups – Karina with her boyfriend, Mingyu with you, and your two other colleagues with each other. You’ve never bowled before, which makes you extremely nervous – maybe the fact that Mingyu is watching you plays a part in that, too – and as expected, you totally miss the bowling skittles when you let go of the ball.

You can hear Karina giggle in the background, which makes you sit down, discouraged. Plopping down next to Mingu, you don’t really pay attention to who’s playing, more focused on counting down the time until you can go home, already tired of all this. You’re so lost in your own thoughts that you almost don’t notice Mingyu’s hand that he rests on your upper thigh. Almost. In an instant, you’re turning to look at him in disbelief, but it’s a bad idea, because he was leaning towards you, too, to whisper something in your ear.

You freeze in your seat, and so does he, the rest of the world suddenly drowned out. The only sound hitting your ears is his breath, and it’s like everything is moving in slow motion – his dark brown eyes staring into yours, large hand brushing over the skin on your thigh, his skin flushing a delicate shade of pink. You can barely register your own nervousness as you look at his lips – usually turned up in a smile, but right now they’re slightly parted, no trace of cockiness to be seen anywhere. Is it bad that you really want him to kiss you right now? It is, and it’s even worse that you can’t even deny it anymore.

You should pull away, look away, do something – anything. But you can’t. You’re just looking into his eyes like there’s no one else in the room, letting that warm feeling that stirs up inside of your chest grow.

“What I wanted to say was that you don’t have to get upset over what Karina says or does,” Mingyu finally whispers, licking his lips and clearing his throat as he breaks eye contact. “Her opinion doesn’t matter.”

You nod slowly, wondering why he looked away – is he nervous, like you? Kim Mingyu and ‘nervous’ are words that you’d never place together in a sentence, but now, he really seems a little hesitant, or maybe even shy. You don’t know. Oh, why is he always so hard to figure out? First, he’s flexing his muscles at you and calling you his baby, and then he’s looking away when you lock eyes with him? His middle name should be ‘mixed signals’ at this point.

“Mingyu, it’s your turn.” It’s Seungcheol’s voice that forces you to turn your attention elsewhere, and you’re half-relieved, half-angry as you watch Mingyu rise up from his seat and take the bowling ball into his hands. Your thigh feels kind of cold without his hand resting on it.

As expected, Mingyu is really good at bowling – just as he is good at everything else – and it seems that his usual mood is back, because before he throws the ball, he’s lifting it up with one arm to show everyone how strong he is, and sending you a wink. It’s just for show, but it still sends a spark of electricity through your body. Though that still doesn’t compare to the way you’re basically drooling over him as he bowles. Hey, it’s not your fault that he looks fucking hot in that black shirt that folds up just enough to reveal a centimetre or two of his abs as he jumps up in thriumph.

What catches your attention, though, is how you’re not the only one shamelessly staring at Mingyu – Karina seems to be just as drawn to him, looking at him as if he’s her next meal or something. What the hell? You’d think that since she’s got a boyfriend, she’d stay away from someone she thinks is your boyfriend. Once a bitch, always a bitch, you think to yourself as you see her smile flirtatiously at Mingyu when he looks at her for a moment. Okay, that’s enough.

You stand up, pretty much making all of your colleagues look at you with furrowed brows and walk up to Mingyu just as he’s about to pick up another ball. Surprising both him and yourself with your actions, you grab ahold of his arm, pulling him closer to you.

“We should get going,” You say to everyone, throwing a fake smile Karina’s way before you stomp out of the bowling center, dragging a very confused Mingyu with you.

Once you’ve stepped outside and gotten a breath of fresh air, it dawns on you that your fingers are still wrapped around Mingyu’s biceps – as wrapped around as they can be, anyway, because for them to fit all the way around his arm, your fingers would have to be like five times longer. You retract your hand as you realize you’re touching him, not even sparing him a glance when you start walking home. Maybe it’s because you feel embarrassed for dragging him away like that, or maybe you don’t want him to see how upset you are, but you figure it’s best if you walk away from him.

“Hey!” You hear his voice, and not even two seconds later, his fingers are closing around your wrist, forcing you to stop walking. “You okay? What was that about?”

And that’s it for not having this conversation right now, you suppose. You turn around to face him, sighing.

“Did you really not see how Karina was looking at you?” You ask him and when he furrows his brows in confusion, you groan. “She was totally staring at you for twenty minutes, at least. Like she wanted to eat you or something. Did you really not notice?”

“No,” He shakes his head.

“Wow, you really are ignorant,” You laugh bitterly. Great, so he's probably not even aware that his actions can make someone's heart beat faster, or that the things he does make him seem like he's interested in you. “You’re seriously so unaware of everything.”

“Well, I’m aware that you’re jealous.”

“Excuse me?” You blink in surprise and he just flashes you a grin before starting to walk down the sidewalk. Does he really not realize he's making you want to rip your hair out? Or maybe he does, and he's just preying on your downfall. Either way, you conclude that you should get rid of him as soon as possible. “Mingyu, wait, you're walking too fast.”

Oh, well. Maybe you're not as strong-willed as you thought.

“It’s not my fault your legs are so short,” He says, but waits for you nevertheless, and adjusts his pace so that he's walking next to you. His hands are in his pockets, a smile on his face and the way his muscles are illuminated by the sunlight has you fighting for your life. “You’re small and cute, though, so I'll forgive you.”

“Do you have a size kink or something?”

You regret saying that as soon as the words leave your mouth, because now you're not only flustered from when he called you cute, but your mind is also reeling with the thought of him being turned on by you being smaller than him. Which is absolutely wrong of you to think about, since you're not even in a real relationship with the guy. So why are you suddenly feeling a little faint when you look at his strong arms and hands big enough to cover your whole face? And why are you dying to feel them on you?

He's about to reply to your question, when suddenly, you can see his eyes fan to something behind you, and soon enough those arms you were drooling over are grabbing you by your shoulders and he's practically throwing you to the other side of the sidewalk. It's because a car was driving close to the pavement, you realize, and it's such a touching gesture that it makes your heart beat quicker. But you can't even focus on that for too long, because soon enough, you're thinking about the way he basically manhandled you and how badly you want him to do it again.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. What is wrong with you, Y/N? He's just being a kind person and you're not only developing a crush on him, no, now you're also thinking about fucking him. Talk about the worst fake-dating experience ever.

“Doesn’t he know how to drive or what?” You hear Mingyu mumble and it takes you a second to realize what he's talking about, and another to realize you're staring. Hopefully he didn't notice. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Of course he noticed.

“Like what?” You decide to play dumb and start walking again.

“Like that,” He emphasizes. “Like you want to eat me or something.”

He's just teasing you, you realize as soon as he repeats what you'd said earlier about Karina. He probably doesn't even realize just how right he is. And he doesn't need to realize it, either, you think to yourself as you roll your eyes at him to hide your nervousness. Or maybe there's a chance he feels like that, too? He did push you aside so he was the one walking on the dangerous side of the pavement, after all. And he put his hand on your thigh. And smiled at you. And looked at you as if you were the only girl in the world. And–

No. You need to stop doing that to yourself. He's your fake boyfriend, he needs to do these things. But most of these occurrences happened when the two of you were alone.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Mingyu asks suddenly and you whip your head around to look at him.

“Studying for my math exam at the library with Wonwoo. Why? Did Karina ask for us to go somewhere with her again?”

“No. Why with Wonwoo, though?”

“Because he’s good at math?” You say, eyeing his clenched jaw cautiously. “Why’re you asking?”

“No reason.”

And then he just walks in silence. Why is he suddenly so quiet? Is he jealous? Is it bad that you hope he is? Probably. But you can't help it. You’re so caught up in imagining a jealous Mingyu that you don’t even realize you’ve arrived at campus before you see the school fountain right in front of you, and the university building behind it. It’s still quite early, and the sun lights up the flower-filled grass in a way that makes it look really magical. You smile to yourself at the sight, and turn to look at Mingyu, but he’s nowhere to be seen. For a second, your smile drops, before you feel a hand on your shoulder and Mingyu’s face is smiling down on you, a small, yellow flower in his hand. He must’ve picked it just now.

“Boo,” He says softly, and it’s like he casts some sort of spell over you, because suddenly, you can’t seem to tear your eyes away from him, even as his hot breath fans over your face and spreads goosebumps all across your skin.

“It’s pretty,” You tell him. It’s about the flower, you think to yourself, but it’s really not.

A second passes. Then two. He doesn’t move. He’s just looking at you, his eyes fan over your lips, your nose, then they stare into yours. Deeply. Warmly. Ardently. You don’t want to look away, so you don’t. And neither does he. Six seconds. Seven. He leans in – you can hear him breathe. Or maybe it’s the sound of your own breath? It’s all mixed now, intertwined. Eight, nine, ten. His hand touches your jaw. It burns, but in the best way possible. You don’t want this to end. Fifteen seconds have passed. His fingers tuck something behind your ear. The flower. It’s the flower. Eighteen. Nineteen. A smile that makes you melt.

“Yeah,” He whispers, finger grazing your cheek before he pulls away. “Really pretty.”

And then it’s just complete silence, except for the sound of your heart loudly banging against your chest. Boom. Boom. Boom. You’re in love.

—

You’ve always felt perfectly content with having a silent, one-sided crush on Kim Mingyu, but now that you’ve gotten a taste of who he is, it’s hard not to wish for something more. Even though you know it’s not going to happen.

That's what you're thinking about the next day as you sit in the library with Wonwoo, a math book full of things you don't understand in front of you. You've been sitting like this for an hour, and Wonwoo has already filled three pages in his notebook with math assignments, while yours remain empty. Mingyu has been occupying your mind ever since you parted ways yesterday, the way he put the flower in your hair playing on repeat in your thoughts.

The flower. Oh, you must be crazy, but you could swear that you saw a hint of emotion in his eyes as he looked at you, something that sparked up a hope that you might just have a chance with him. Maybe he has feelings for you, too.

Just as you're thinking about that, your phone buzzes with a message and you pick it up instantly in hopes that it's Mingyu. It's not.

Hi would u and Mingyu like to come along on a trip w me and Cheol this weekend? We’re going to the seaside resort :)

“Of course you're going to the fucking seaside resort,” You mutter under your breath, catching Wonwoo’s attention.

“What was that?” When you shake your head, he sends you a smile and doesn't press any further. For some reason, that makes you feel out of place. He's so different from Mingyu, who would've definitely investigated you by now. You find yourself missing that, missing him, even though you shouldn't. “Do you want to take a small break and go grab something to eat?”

“Yeah, sure,” You agree, because it'll definitely be good for you to stop focusing so much on Mingyu and the feelings you've developed for him. But right as you're done packing your things, the doors to the library are, to the librarian's dismay, thrown open with a thud and in walks the only person you know who wouldn't care (or know) that you're supposed to stay quiet in a place like this.

“Y/N!” Mingyu’s loud voice tears through the silence, and many students raise their heads to look at what the hell is going on. Some look utterly confused, with their mouths hanging open, and you suppose you look the same as you watch a man who last read a book in middle school walk into the library. “There you are. You guys done studying?”

“I– Uh, no,” You say, suddenly very nervous. “We were going to take a break and eat something. But what are you doing here? I thought you hated the library.”

“I still do, this place is awful,” He frowns for a moment, but not even a second later his signature smile is back on his face. “But I wanted to help you study.”

He what? That just sounds strange coming out of his mouth. Not to mention the way it makes butterflies go crazy in your stomach. One thing is Kim Mingyu flirting with you, and pretending to be your boyfriend – another is him suddenly offering to study in the library with you, even though you know he hates it. Especially since he doesn't have to. It's not like he has to pretend to be your boyfriend right now.

“You… wanted to help her study?” It's Wonwoo that speaks up first, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Yeah, can't I do that?” Mingyu’s voice is soft, but his eyes that have settled on Wonwoo’s frame emit some kind of coldness that you’ve never seen in them before. Wonwoo seems to sense this, too, because his gaze fans to you and he smiles under his breath at Mingyu’s behavior. “We can go get food later, Y/N, let's finish studying first, okay?”

“But Wonwoo wanted to–”

“Oh, it’s fine, I’ll get food by myself,” Wonwoo says reassuringly and you can glimpse the way Mingyu’s shoulders loosen up as your friend picks up his bag. “I finished the homework earlier, and, to be honest, it doesn’t look like I’m wanted here.”

And with a wink sent Mingyu’s way, he walks away, leaving you alone with the boy you’ve both been dying and dreading to see. His bangs are in his face – his hair is messy, his eyelids are drooping and his shirt is creased. He must’ve just gotten up from bed, which is such a Mingyu-thing to do, considering it’s already way past noon. Nobody sleeps that long. Nobody except him. Just like nobody except him can make you smile just by simply existing – just by standing next to you in sweatpants, with a can of Redbull in his hand. Looking way out of place, but staying anyway.

“Hey,” You say it more like a question, but Mingyu doesn't seem to notice that as he sits down by the table where you and Wonwoo were studying earlier.

“Hey,” He replies and takes a sip of his drink – which, by the way, he's not allowed to have at the library. Though you don’t suppose he cares, since his wide smile is back on his features again, like it never left. “You ready to study?”

You sit down on the chair to his right, feeling your lips spread in a small smile at the way Mingyu’s all up in your business again – even if it mean he’s making your stupid little crush even worse by just being close to you. That thought seems so distant, though, when you see him grin at you cutely despite the tiredness in his face.

“I am,” You say, getting out your notebooks again. “But I have trouble believing you’re here to study.”

“You got me,” He raises his arms in resignation, flashing his teeth at you as he’s leaning back in his chair. “I’m just here to watch you study and be of moral support.”

“Right,” You say, eyeing him cautiously. “I don’t think today’s your working day, though, fake boyfriend. It’s not like Karina can see us here.”

“So?”

‘So’? What the hell is that supposed to mean? One look at his face is enough to tell you he’s well aware that today, he doesn’t have to hang out with you. And yet he’s right here, in the library of all places, sitting next to you like it’s the most natural thing to do. Does that mean he genuinely likes to spend time with you?

“So, you are free to leave,” You give him another chance, just in case he’s starting to realize his mistake, though if he left now, you’re not sure whether you wouldn’t just have started crying your eyes out.

“Do you want me to leave?”

He must be dumb for real, you think to yourself as you catch his softly curious gaze. There’s something in his eyes you can’t quite put a finger on – if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was feeling apprehensive to hear the answer. Which isn’t possible, obviously, because Mingyu doesn’t care what people think of him, and he certainly doesn’t give a shit if you tell him to leave. He’ll just find another girl to flash his smile at. Still, something in his gaze tells you not to joke around right now, so you speak your mind.

“No, I don’t,” You can’t help but mimic his actions when he grins and that weird look in his eyes disappears, but before he can start shouting, you add: “But that doesn’t mean you get to bother me while I work. I don’t want to hear a single word from you until I’m done with this assignment.”

“You’re so cruel,” He pouts but shuts up, picking up some random book from the nearby shelf and burying his nose in it.

You sigh in content, turning your attention to your mathbook. Now you'll really get to work.

You don’t really get to work, though. Thirty minutes have passed without a single equation being written down in your notebook and it’s all Mingyu’s fault. Technically, he’s not bothering you at all as you work, his eyes firmly planted in the book in his hands. And still, you can’t seem to concentrate at all when he’s sitting next to you, with his long fingers gently tapping the wooden table as his eyes fan over one page, then the other, and he’s bringing his hand up to turn to the next page.

He doesn’t do any of this elegantly at all – truly, his grip on the page is way too rough, folding the paper each time he turns it over and his eyes keep fanning back up to a previous sentence he didn’t quite catch because he zoned out. It’s painfully obvious he hasn’t read a book willingly before in his life, and yet, somehow, he manages to look utterly beautiful while doing it. His whole existence is a threat to your sanity, you conclude, looking away. You can’t afford to have him notice your staring.

Not even ten minutes later, just as you’ve finally calmed yourself down enough to fill half a page of math problems (the only obstacle in your way being the hair that keeps falling into your face) this temporary peace of mind is torn away from you in an instant when you feel a featherlight touch on your neck, making your head snap up in surprise.

There are goosebumps forming on your skin when your eyes meet Mingyu’s sheepish smile, his fingers caressing the back of your neck as he gathers your hair in his hands. For a moment, you can’t seem to form words, taken aback by this close proximity, your heartbeat loud in your ears. Then, slowly, you start breathing again.

“What–”

“Shh,” He cuts you off, as if you didn’t just have to sit there regaining your breath just to ask him the question he’s not letting you ask. “Don’t get distracted. I’m just putting your hair up.”

Just. So this is, like, normal for him? He puts every girl’s hair up in a ponytail when hair falls in her face? That explains why he owns a hair tie.

“Where did you get that hair tie?” You ask him, a little accusingly, as he finishes putting your hair up in a ponytail.

“At the store? That’s where they usually sell hair ties, you know.”

“Yeah, but like, why do you have it? It’s not like you need it.”

“No, but you do,” Upon seeing your unconvinced expression, he sighs. “I saw it at the convenience store today, and it made me think of you and how your hair is always falling into your eyes because you won’t put it up, so I bought it. Now you have a hair tie and I get to hang out with you more because you can finish your assignment quicker. It’s a win-win situation, really.”

For a second you’re left just blinking dumbly, feeling a little giddy for no reason at all. He bought it for you? He thought of you at the convenience store? Is this the part where you start jumping up and down, giggling? No, Y/N, calm down. It's not like he confessed his love for you, either. But you suppose it's close enough.

“Idiot,” You tell him with a smile so big it makes your cheeks hurt. “Why would you waste your money on that?”

“It’s not a waste, it's a gift. Now finish your assignment, I'm getting bored.”

And as if to prove his point, he leans back in his chair with his eyes closed, resting his arms behind his head. There's nothing extraordinary about the action, and yet it makes something turn in your lower stomach when his shirt rides up a few centimeters to let you catch a glimpse of his abs. His biceps are on full display, too – flexed because of the position he's in, and big. There's no doubt he's spent some time in the gym and God, it shouldn't be legal to look this good because now you're imagining him working out, drenched in sweat and shirtless and it's absolutely not good for your health.

“Oh, right,” You say to Mingyu, suddenly reminded of something. “Karina and Seungcheol want us to come with them to the seaside resort this weekend.”

“We should go, then,” Mingyu opens his eyes and rests his chin on his hand. “Right?”

“Probably,” You sigh. “It’s the whole weekend, though. Friday evening to Sunday morning. Two nights at the hotel. It seems a little redundant.”

“I don't mind. I don't have anything else to do, anyway.”

You raise your brows in suspicion. “Kim Mingyu doesn't have anything to do on a Friday night except spend time with his fake girlfriend at a seaside resort? I'm finding that a little hard to believe.”

“Yeah, okay, correction: I don't have anything else I'd rather do on a Friday night than spend time with my fake girlfriend at a seaside resort.”

In contrast to his usual playful smile, he's looking quite serious as he says that and you wonder if he means it. You read into the things he says a little too much, you know that, but it's not like it's completely baseless for you to think that he might like you. Oh, this is all so fucking complicated. Fake boyfriend, real boyfriend – where does one draw the line? He is only pretending to date you, so why do his smiles feel so genuine? Why does it feel real when he tells you you’re pretty?

If he's only your fake boyfriend, why are you in love with him for real?

“Great. I'll tell Karina we're coming, then.”

——

You are not going to let yourself be affected by Mingyu and his actions today. Not even in the slightest bit. You can’t afford to get your hopes up. Besides, staying indifferent can’t be that difficult, right? He’s not that interesting. His smile isn’t that alluring, either, if you really think about it – there’s nothing fascinating about the way his eyes turn upwards when he grins, pure elation radiating off of him. Nope, you don’t care about him and his stupid smile at all. That’s what you keep repeating in your mind on the way to the seaside resort, knowing damn well it must be the worst lie to have ever been told.

It’s fine, it’s fine. Even if he does affect you and your heartbeat rate, you can still keep it a secret. You’ve been doing it for the past weeks, so why not this weekend, too? This weekend and you’re done – you and Mingyu part ways once and for all. Sure, you’ll feel miserable without seeing his smile, but it’ll pass after a week. Or seventeen years.

Shit. You’re so fucked.

And you realize you’re even more fucked than you thought as you enter the hotel at which you’re supposed to be staying at, only to find Seuncheol and Karina already standing in the hallway. But they're not the reason you're fucked. No, the reason is standing next to them in a white, form-fitting shirt and his laugh echoing off the walls.

Mingyu’s back is turned to you, but it brings you little relief, since you can clearly still see the outline of his back muscles through the thin material of his shirt. It wouldn’t be an overstatement to say he looks godly, and neither would it be an overstatement to say that, no matter how bad you try not to, you can’t help but literally devour him with your eyes from where you’re walking towards them slowly. Partly, you dread the moment they’ll notice you, because you’ll be forced to look not only at Mingyu’s exposed forearms but also his ridiculously handsome face. And even as you prepare yourself for the moment, you still find yourself feeling a little dizzy when Mingyu turns around to look at you.

“Y/N, you’re here,” He says, and the excitement laced in his voice is just a little too real for you to completely get rid of the idea that it’s not just pretend. “I missed your pretty face.”

He then proceeds to trap you in his arms, muffling out all sounds of Seungcheol and Karina laughing as he pulls you flush against his chest. You can’t breathe for a moment – not because his grip is too tight, but because you realize that fuck, you’re actually being hugged by Kim Mingyu right now and it feels way too comforting for your own good. The scent of his cologne hits your nose – it’s the same one he used at the football game, the same distinctive smell that officially belongs to him now – and the warmth of his skin actually works to calm down your heart a little. It’s a contrast to how you usually react to being close to him, but you don’t mind, because this feeling of solace brings you equally as much glee.

“I missed you, too,” You mumble against his chest, and it’s not a lie at all. “But can you please let go of me? You’re crushing my ribs.”

“Ah, right,” He chuckles, and when he lets go of you, the whole world falls back into place – reminding you why you’re here and that you’re not alone. “Sometimes I forget how small and cute you are.”

You scoff in response, feeling your whole body heat up.

One would think you’d get used to these dumb comments after coming dangerously close to heart failure because of him more times than you can count the past weeks. But no, it still affects you all the same and makes your insides turn to mush, even if Karina and Seungcheol are standing right there, which means that his words are most likely just for show.

It's the weekend, though, and you've been living in a constant state of overthinking the past week, so you don't suppose it's that much of a big deal if you sit back a little and let yourself feel happy when Mingyu shows you affection. It's inevitable, anyway, since you’re in love with the guy. In love. It sounds so serious when you put it like that. And one look at his smiling face reminds you that it is.

“So,” Karina clears her throat, gaining your attention. “We should check into our rooms now, and then we can go for a walk and ice cream later?”

Everyone agrees, and so you head to the reception desk in pairs – Karina holding Seuncheol’s hand, and you with Mingyu next to you, your shoulders just barely touching. You get the keys to your room and thank the lady – Mingyu does so with a wide grin that probably just made that woman’s day much better – before you start heading upstairs. There’s only one problem, though – you’ve brought three bags along and now that your uber isn’t helping you carry them, you feel like you’re about to faint from taking three steps with them in your hands – not to mention you have to walk up the stairs with them.

“I’ll carry those for you,” You hear Mingyu’s voice, and before you can utter a word, he’s taking the bags from you with a smirk. “I’m your strong boyfriend, after all.”

You can’t even bring yourself to protest as he starts walking up the stairs with your and his bags, muscles flexed. Your eyes must linger on his arms a little too long, because soon enough, he’s sending you a shit-eating grin and lifting your bags up and down like they’re weights at the gym. It’s a joke – he’s teasing you – and yet it’s making you feel all hot and bothered. God, you must be crazy. Half-embarrassed, you avert your gaze in order to calm your heart down before it beats out of your chest.

“You’re enjoying yourself a little too much for someone who’s carrying four heavy bags up a shitload of stairs, don’t you think?” You try to sound composed, but it doesn’t really work.

“Not at all,” He smiles – you weren’t supposed to look, but it’s not your fault that whenever you hear his voice, all of your attention is on him – yet it doesn’t hide the way his face is reddening and his voice is strained, arms starting to shake just a little from the weight.

You can’t help but burst into laughter at both his face and his stubbornness – that boy would seriously rather die than admit he overestimated his strength. He doesn’t laugh with you, just sends you a glare and pouts as he finally sets down the bags in your shared room as the two of you arrive. No matter how hard he tries, though, he can’t erase the hint of enjoyment that lies in his gaze.

It takes Mingyu less than two seconds to plop onto the soft bed and sigh dreamily, like he’s just ran a marathon.

“Just don’t fall asleep. We’re going for ice cream in half an hour, you know.”

“Hmm.”

“If you fall asleep, I won’t wake you up,” You warn him, ignoring the way your heart is doing loops at the sight of his sleepy state. He looks so cute with a sheepish smile on his face, nose buried in the pillows.

He doesn't react in any way, so you add: “Are you really that exhausted from just carrying my luggage?”

That, he hears very well.

“Of course I’m not,” He jumps up straight away, like someone poured cold water all over him and you can't help but smile to yourself at the way he's – way too obviously – flexing his muscles for you to see.

“I was just joking, Mingyu,” You tell him, walking over to where he's standing, by the bed. “You’re very strong.”

And before you can think twice, you put your hand on his bicep and squeeze it through the shirt. It takes you less than a second to do that, and another second for your mind to start malfunctioning. Oh, fuck. One, you just touched Mingyu’s biceps. Two, they're big. Big, as in you realize you can't even wrap your fingers halfway around them. Big, as in if he were to hold you in place, there was no way you'd be able to move.

And finally, three, this one little touch is enough to have you feeling weak in the knees, unable to think of anything but the way his muscles felt under your fingertips. You can't stop yourself from imagining how they would feel without that shirt separating your skin from his, either. Oh, you've really dug your own grave with this one.

“You think I’m strong?” Mingyu’s voice is soft, but his gaze is intense as you look up at him.

“I– I mean you carried my bags up the stairs, didn't you?”

“Sure did,” He smiles and for a moment, you think you're safe. “But you didn't have to touch me to figure that out, did you?”

Nevermind that. You're not safe at all. In fact, you feel like all the air from your lungs has dissolved, leaving you breathless. Being in love with Kim Mingyu is one thing – making it so painfully obvious is another. What if this makes things awkward between the two of you? You wouldn't be able to stand that. Partly because it ruins your chance of convincing everyone you have a boyfriend, but mostly because you truly enjoy being around Mingyu, and you don't want this… thing you have going on to stop. You having to live without speaking of your crush on him is much better than not speaking to him at all.

“I’m sorry,” You say finally, unsure of what else you could've possibly said to save the situation.

“Why are you apologizing?” He looks at you from above, pushing your hair away from your face before bringing that hand to brush over the part of your shoulder that is exposed by your tank top. You shudder. “I never said that I mind.”

What?

Did he just say what you think he said? ‘I never said that I mind’ – what the fuck is that supposed to mean? That he liked it when you touched him? That he wants you to? He's got to be messing with you. Right? His eyes don't leave yours, though, and while there's a cocky grin on his face, he's nowhere near laughing.

“We should, uh, head downstairs. They're probably waiting for us,” You say, heart hammering in your chest.

“Yeah, we should.”

You wait for him to move, but he doesn't. So you don't, either. You're still dangerously close to him – if he were anyone else, you'd say he was invading your personal space. But he's Mingyu, and the truth is that you want him all up in your personal space. That doesn't change the fact that this is making you nervous – the way he's gazing down on you with a look you can decipher, the way his hand lingers just a couple centimeters away from your arm, the way you can hear his breathing clearly. You want him to do something – anything – because the tension in the air is so thick, you could touch it. But you don't want to touch it, you want to touch him.

And you want him to touch you. Does he want that, too? You don’t want to get your hopes up too much, but you also can’t seem to shake the thought that he looks infatuated with you, too, at this moment. His eyes are lidded, tongue darting to lick at his lips. Not once does he look away. What is he thinking about? Suddenly you wish you were inside his head.

“Y/N, Mingyu, are you guys coming?” Karina's voice from outside the door brings you back to the real world.

Right. You're going for ice cream. Shit, you really need to stay focused. You’re here to have Mingyu pretend to be your boyfriend, not to make him become your real one.

With that in mind, you start walking towards the door. You don’t even make it two steps before you feel Mingyu’s hand grab your wrist, before pulling you back to him. Surely, he doesn’t use all of his strength, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’d have collided with his chest if it wasn’t for the hand that he places on your hip to steady you. Suddenly you're face to face with him again – well, maybe face to chest is more accurate – but you don’t even get to question his actions before his rip on your wrist fades, and he brings his hands up to brush something off of your cheek instead. Then, he lets go altogether.

“You had something on your face,” He explains upon seeing your facial expression.

“Is that why you’re looking at me like that?” You blurt out before you can stop yourself. What is up with you today? When did you get so shameless? It must be all the endorphins Mingyu’s providing you with speaking. You’re about to take back what you said, but as usual, Mingyu beats you to it.

“No,” He’s smiling again – running a hand through his hair and flashing his teeth at you. You don’t think you’ll ever grow tired of his smile. “That’s just because I like you.”

And then he fucking leaves. Like he didn’t just fucking make your heart drop to your stomach and then jump right back up, only to start beating at an abnormal speed. Because I like you. You’re about to faint. At least it feels that way. Are you even breathing? Everything seems so unimportant suddenly, the only image in your head being Mingyu and his smile. Because I like you. His words are on replay in your mind, flowing through your whole body until they reach your heart, where they settle down to bloom. Because I like you. He likes you.

Mingyu likes you.

It’s not a love confession, nor does it mean he wants you to his girlfriend for real, but it’s a confirmation that you didn’t fuck up everything with you reckless actions earlier, and it also means you have a chance. Even if just in the slightest. That’s enough for you.

Well, there goes the plan of not letting yourself get affected by Mingyu’s words and actions, you suppose. Slowly, you fight the urge to start giggling like a schoolgirl and leave the room to meet the others, who are standing in the hallway, waiting for you. Karina looks annoyed as usual, Seungcheol smiles softly, and Mingyu – oh, you could write a whole about how stunning he looks even in the poor lighting of the hotel – grins when he sees you and you can’t help but do the same.

“Finally,” Karina groans, and you roll your eyes. You’re about to say something to her, but right then, Mingyu drapes his arm over your shoulders and pulls you close, which erases each and every thought you had before, replacing them with pure elation. He really is driving you crazy.

“Let’s go, then.”

The way to the ice cream shop is merely a fifteen minute walk and it leads through the empty streets that surround your hotel. It’s getting dark already as the four of you head outside, and the cool air is making you regret not putting on a jacket. But hey, in your defense, if Mingyu hadn’t decided to make your whole body grow hot with his actions, maybe you wouldn’t have forgotten about it. It’s alright, though, because Mingyu’s arm around your shoulders is warm and doesn’t leave much room for worrying. Even if he’s just doing it for show. But you don’t need to think about that right now, anyway.

Inside the shop, it’s cozy and warm, which is something you revel in for approximately five seconds before Karina suggests that you eat your ice cream outside. You can’t imagine what’s going through her head when she says that – it’s freezing cold outside, for fuck’s sake – but Mingyu and Seungcheol don’t seem to share your doubts, so you only follow after them with a sigh as they sit down at one of the outdoor tables. The place is cute and the ice cream is good, but you can’t really focus on any of that with the way the cold air is hitting your poor skin. You don’t want to disturb Mingyu when he’s so invested in whatever conversation he’s having, though, so you don’t mention it.

“You okay, Y/N?” It’s Seungcheol that is first to notice your state, his voice laced with concern.

You can see how Mingyu stops talking immediately, turning his head to look at you, too, and you smile apologetically. “What? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Just a little cold.”

Seungcheol smiles at you and starts to take off his jacket, which you’re about to tell him not to do, but Mingyu’s voice cuts through the air before you can even say a word.

“You’re cold?” It’s a question, but he doesn’t wait for an answer before taking off his jacket – that way also effectively putting Seuncheol’s actions to a halt – and putting it around your shoulders. “Here, put this on.”

“It’s oka–”

You don’t even get to finish as he lifts up your arm to slip it inside the sleeve of the jacket. As he reaches for your right arm, you help him and slip it inside of the sleeve yourself, and so his fingers come up to zip the jacket up instead. Your eyes find his when he pushes the zipper up to your neck, hand brushing over your skin as he nudges your hair away so it doesn’t get in the way. His gaze glimmers with satisfaction as he finishes putting on the jacket, as if he just solved a very hard puzzle, and your heart flutters just a little when you look at his grinning face.

“You look cute.”

Well, maybe more than just a little.

“Thanks,” You mumble as you look away, reminded that you’re in fact not alone with Mingyu right now.

A silence settles over the four of you; Karina’s jaw is clenched as she eats her ice cream, while Seungcheol just looks like he’s feeling out of place. You feel a sting of guilt in your chest – they invited you to hang out together, and you’re making this into a way of interacting as much as possible with Mingyu. It’s not fair for them, not to mention it isn’t very good for you, either, because soon enough, he won’t be pretending to be your boyfriend anymore. You should be getting used to not spending time with him, not the other way around.

“So,” Karina says finally, her eyes evidently trained on only Mingyu. “How do you guys like the ice cream?”

‘You guys’, my ass, you think to yourself. She’s literally looking Mingyu right in the eyes, and still acting as if the question is directed at everyone? You kind of feel bad for Seungcheol for having to deal with her on a daily basis.

“It’s really good,” He tells her and Karina sends him her sickly sweet smile. She opens her mouth to say something, but you’ve seen enough of her advances towards Mingyu – though he’s not technically your boyfriend, so you have no right to get jealous. But you do.

“Really? Let me taste,” You say and before you can back out, you grab at Mingyu’s wrist and lick his mint chocolate ice cream.

Okay, so first of all – mint chocolate is disgusting. It tastes awful. You suppose this must be how Mingyu feels each time he walks into a library. Second of all, despite the appalling taste, it’s absolutely worth it because the way Karina’s face turns into an expression of pure defeat is probably the second best thing to happen to you today. The best being every conversation you’ve had with Mingyu, of course.

Speaking of your fake boyfriend – his eyes are set on you as you lean away from him again, something in his gaze sending shivers down your spine. His eyes are wide – you’ve caught him off guard. Good. If he’s going to make your head spin every day, you might as well do the same.

He doesn’t look away, just keeps gazing at you with an intensity that would’ve forced you to sit down if you were standing up. You can see the way his stare drops down to your mouth and then moves up again, his tongue darting to lick at his lips. There’s something in his eyes – something that wasn’t there before. Something that shoots straight down between your legs. Desire, maybe? But not in the primal way, it’s deeper than that, more tender. Yearning. Longing. Something in between. Want. Yes, that’s the word.

“You’ve got ice cream on your lips,” He says it so quietly you almost don’t hear him – which is weird, since it’s Mingyu we’re talking about here.

“Really? Where?”

You’re about to wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, but Mingyu’s fingers wrap themselves around your wrist and hold it in place. What is he doing? You look at him – at his parted lips, the hint of a smile lurking on his face, that stare of his that fills you with all kinds of feelings – and your heart stops. He leans forward – you can feel his breath on your face as he looks down on your lips again.

He’s going to kiss you. And you want him to.

You want to keep looking at him, at his smile, his beautiful eyes, but you can’t stop your eyes from fluttering close when his soft lips meet yours. He’s barely touching you, the kiss is merely a brush of skin against skin, but it still drives you crazy, sets your whole body on fire. You can’t move, couldn’t have pushed him away even if you wanted to. But you don’t want to. You want this to last forever, the subtle taste of mint chocolate, the smell of his cologne, the feeling of his tongue brushing over the inner corner of your lips – you don’t want it to end.

But it does end. Far too quickly. He pulls away, with a grin on his face, completely unaware of how badly you want to jump into his arms and kiss him again.

“There.”

You blink. Once. Twice. What is he talking about? Oh, right. The ice cream. He was licking off the ice cream. Your heart beats against your chest painfully hard, serving as a reminder of the situation you’re in. Seungcheol and Karina are still here, and Mingyu just kissed you. You put the pieces together fairly quickly from there – of course he kissed you, he’s supposed to be your boyfriend. It’s more believable that way. Suddenly the taste of mint chocolate that lingers on your tongue stings.

“You guys are so cute together,” Karina smiles her fake smile and something turns in your stomach.

She totally bought it. But so did you.

“I think that’s all thanks to Y/N,” Mingyu’s laugh rings in your ears as his arm falls around your shoulders again. He’s holding you close, but the air’s colder than ever and the smell of his cologne hurts your nose. Not because it smells bad, but because you like it too much.

“Speaking of Y/N, what made you fall for her? I mean, the two of you are so different from each other. On different levels, almost.”

Karina’s words feel like salt in a wound. Different levels. Is that true? Mingyu’s grip tightens on your shoulders, but this action that usually would’ve had you feeling warm inside just barely registers in your mind. Focus, you want to tell yourself, you’re not supposed to feel sad now. You’ll only fuck up the whole plan and your relationship with Mingyu in the process. But you can’t stop your thoughts from reeling and your heart from sinking.

“What do you mean?” If Mingyu knows what Karina’s talking about – which, surely, he must know, since it’s not much of a secret he’s out of your league – he’s doing a great job at pretending he doesn’t. Just like he’s done a great job at pretending to have feelings for you. Almost too great.

“I just don’t get why you chose Y/N,” There it is. “I mean, you could probably have any girl you want.”

He could. You know that. You’ve always known. He’s Kim Mingyu, for fuck’s sake – who wouldn’t fall for that smile of his? You surely did. Though right now, you regret it. You regret asking him to be your fake boyfriend, you regret forming a connection to him, and you regret letting him kiss you like he meant it. It’s your own fault, really. If you’d just let yourself crush on him silently, if you hadn’t gotten your hopes up, thinking he might like you, none of this would’ve happened. You wouldn’t have had to sit by his side, feeling like the most naive person on earth.

“I don’t want to have any other girl, though,” You don’t want to look at him, but you do. His smile is long gone, and it feels so weird to look at him without it. Not bad or scary, just different. A new side of him. “I want her.”

Your eyes widen as you look up to meet his gaze. Funny how you’ve spent the last weeks getting to know him, but now, when it really matters, you can’t figure out what’s going on inside his head. He’s looking at you with a shadow of a smile ghosting over his lips, eyes filled with the warmth you’re used to seeing in them, and it doesn’t seem fake at all. Neither did the kiss, or the hug, or any of the signs he’s given you the last weeks. All of it felt real. But what does that matter when it’s all pretend by default, anyway?

A minute passes by in silence. You have so many things to say, but you say nothing at all. Only after that minute has passed and the feeling of Mingyu’s arm around you is too much for your poor heart to handle do you stand up, making everyone look at you. Mingyu’s arm falls limp onto your chair. He’s about to say something, but this time, it’s you that doesn’t let him.

“Excuse me for a moment,” You say and leave them at the shop. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out it’s not just for a moment when you start walking down the street that leads back to the hotel.

You’re still wearing his jacket, you realize, but you don’t take it off. It’s cold – that’s your excuse, but really, you miss him already. Part of you wants to stop walking and see if he’ll come running, but part of you hopes he won’t. You walked away to avoid telling him about all of this – the mess you made by dragging him into this. If you see him now, you’ll end up spilling everything. And he’ll want nothing to do with you ever again.

You make it a whole seven steps before you hear his voice.

“Y/N! Wait!” And against your better judgement, you stop walking until he catches up to you – breath fanning at you from above, yet you can’t seem to look up at him. “There you are. Why are you walking alone in the dark?”

You should go. Leave him behind like you intended to, break off this whole deal and go home. Pretend like Kim Mingyu doesn’t exist, pretend you’re not in love with him. But your feet won’t move. It’s like every bit of doubt and worry you’ve kept inside of you until now is making its way to the surface.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Mingyu’s hand cups your chin and tilts it so your gazes meet. His eyes soften – go from a look of fear to tenderness. “Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?”

Yes, you made me fall in love with you, you idiot, you think. But you don’t say it out loud. Instead, you sigh and let your head fall against his chest, eyes fluttering shut. You can tell Mingyu wants to say something – his breath is ragged, muscles tense – but instead, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer. One, two, three. You calm yourself down slowly, inhaling his scent. Mingyu isn’t a patient man – you know he wants you to tell him what’s going on. And you will. You owe him that much. But you let yourself revel in his presence for a minute or two first, thinking that if everything goes wrong, at least you’ll have the memory of his strong arms protecting you from any pain.

“Is this about the Karina thing?” You feel the vibrations of his voice through his chest as he speaks and it makes you smile. “You know that what she said is just complete bullshit, right? You shouldn’t care–”

“You’re such an idiot, Kim Mingyu,” You cut him off as you pull away. He looks so shocked at your words that it makes you want to laugh. “You really are. You notice how my hair falls into my face, or how I’m struggling to carry my bags, but you don’t notice the way your words and actions affect me.”

He probably doesn’t know it, but he always pushes his lips out in a pout when he’s confused, and right now is no exception. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” You take a deep breath. “I’m in love with you. Hopelessly so. And I know you don’t feel the same way, but you could’ve at least spared me for all your heart-fluttering gestures, because you’re only making me fall harder.”

You thought you’d completely accepted your failure, but the way your heart reaches dramatic speed once you’re done speaking proves you otherwise. Or maybe it’s not hope that has you feeling dizzy – maybe it’s just Mingyu himself. You observe him cautiously after you’ve said it, and slowly, but surely, you see his pout and furrowed eyebrows fade into a smile – a soft one that has his eyes crinkling.

“Who said I don’t feel the same way?” His voice is merely above a whisper as his hand reaches for your cheek, thumb stroking the skin on it. You shiver under his touch, slowly processing his words as his other hand comes to grab at your waist and pull you close. “I like you, remember? A lot.”

“Yes, but you were my fake boyfriend and–”

“Why do you think I agreed to this whole deal, Y/N? I’ve had my eyes on you ever since that party at Soonyoung’s.”

“You agreed because I promised to pay for your meals,” You remind him, heart struggling to beat at a normal speed when you feel his fingers play when his finger moves from stroking your cheek to your jaw.

“It’s not like I can’t pay for my own meals. The hair tie, the library, the flower – do you think I do that to every girl I hang out with? Why do you think I spent time with you when I didn’t have to?”

You swallow as his thumb strokes your lower lip. “I don’t know, because you’re nice like that?”

“Nobody’s just ‘nice like that’, baby,” He smiles that ridiculously gorgeous smile of his as he leans forward to connect his forehead to yours, almost making you faint in the process. He might've kissed you earlier, but this is different. Now he knows everything. “When I said I wanted you, I wasn’t kidding.”

Okay, Y/N, breathe, you tell yourself, but it’s easier said than done. Especially when his breath is mixed with yours, eyes shining with emotion as your noses brush against each other. He wants you. Kim Mingyu wants you. Your heart is beating so hard against your chest you fear he might hear it from where he’s standing, merely a centimeter away. It’s like he’s awaiting your next move. Without thinking much, you put your hands on his shoulder and pull him a bit closer. Just so his lips fan over yours, and butterflies swarm in your stomach. Oh, you want him to kiss you so badly.

It’s like he hears your thoughts, because not even one second later he’s closing the small distance between you and pressing his lips to yours. This time, it’s not just a brush of skin against skin – well, objectively speaking, it is, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s much different from the kiss at the ice cream shop. Now, he’s holding onto you tightly, entangling his fingers in your hair while his lips move against yours fervently. The arm which rests on your waist is pulling you closer, though you doubt you could be any closer to him than what you already are. Your grip on his shoulders is just as firm, the cool air nothing compared to the way your whole body is heating up from his touch.

Mingyu’s teeth scrape against your lower lip and you open your mouth slightly, gripping his bicep tighter when he slips his tongue inside. You can’t even make out what he tastes like – whether it’s mint chocolate, coffee or anything else – you’re too focused on the fact that he’s kissing you, that his hands are pulling you closer as he moves his lips against yours. His fingers pull at your hair just hard enough for you to tilt your head back and allow him to move his lips down to your jaw, tongue darting over the skin. You want to look at him, but you can’t help the way your eyes flutter shut when he starts pressing open-mouthed kisses against your throat, spreading goosebumps all over your skin and you shiver.

For some reason, Mingyu takes this as a sign to pull away, leaving you with chapped lips and breathlessness in his arms.

“Why’d you stop?” It sounds a lot whinier than you’d intended, but who can really blame you? Kim Mingyu just told you he has feelings for you and kissed you, only to let it end this fast – you’re allowed to whine.

“Because you looked cold,” He says and you scoff. Because you looked cold? What kind of excuse is that? He grins at your facial expression, moving his face closer to yours so that for a moment, you think he’s going to kiss you again. “Why? Am I so good at kissing that you need more?”

“I literally hate you so much,” You push him away with a scoff, thinking that walking back to the hotel might be a good idea since the cold is starting to catch up with you. Still, you listen for Mingyu’s steps behind you as you walk, only speeding up when you’re certain he’s walking, too.

“That’s mean,” It doesn’t take long for him to catch up with you and walk by your side, shoulder against yours the whole way until the hotel that, fortunately, lies only 100 meters away. “I don’t give kisses to girls that are mean, you know.”

You arrive at the warm hotel fairly quickly and waste no time heading towards your room, acting like you’re eager to crawl under the sheets. In all honesty, you’re more eager to spend time with Mingyu without freezing to death – not that you’ll tell him that. You’ve boosted his ego enough for today, you suppose. Speaking of Mingyu – he walks with you, but you don’t look at him before you’ve entered the room, unable to hold back your smile at the pout that is evident on his face just like it was in his voice earlier.

“And what girls do you give kisses to?” You ask him as you take off your (his) jacket and throw it on the floor. His eyes find yours as he walks over to wrap his arms around you again, and just like every other time he’s touching you, it makes your heart beat faster. Nose brushing against yours, eyes smiling down on you, fingers playing with the hem of your shirt. You want to kiss him again.

“You.”

“What?” You laugh at his response, almost missing the way his eyes rest on your lips. Almost. “That makes no sen–”

You’re cut off by his lips pressing against yours for a mere second, soft and sweet for as long as you can taste them, and then he pulls away with a wide grin on his face. And you can’t even bring yourself to get mad at him for pulling away when he looks so fucking cute looking down on you, hair falling into his eyes a little.

“I love you,” He says after a while, and it’s like there are fireworks going off inside of you. You could’ve died from happiness right then and there.

“I love you, too.”

“Let’s go to sleep, baby.”

You nod your head, half in a daze. He loves you. Kim Mingyu loves you. And he doesn’t dissappear when you’re in the bathroom, changing, he’s still there when you come out – sitting on the bed, waiting for you. You smile at him and he smiles at you, hands latching onto your shirt and pulling you down next to him. He pulls you closer, legs entangled with yours under the covers as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

This night you fall asleep between Mingyu’s arms, breathing in his scent and feeling completely at ease.

—

The sunlight shining through the window is what wakes you up the following morning, inviting you to open your eyes only to screw them shut again. It’s way too early for that much light, you decide, rubbing your eyes before you realize it is, in fact, already almost noon. God, you’ve slept in. You almost get the urge to get ready for school, but then you remember – you’re at the seaside resort with Karina and Seungcheol. And Mingyu. You smile as you think of him, reaching to your left to touch him, but you’re only met with warm bedding underneath your fingers.

For a scary second, you worry that he’s left, or maybe even worse – that all the things you remember from yesterday never happened and it was just a dream. Fortunately, those worries evaporate when the door to the bathroom that is connected to your room flies open and none other than Mingyu himself walks out.

Which is great and all – except that he has a towel wrapped around his waist. Only a towel.

You try to divert your eyes, you really do, but it’s really fucking difficult when he’s standing two meters away from you with water dripping down his exposed chest to slip under the white towel that is the only thing shielding him from your sight. His hair is wet, too, falling into his forehead until he pushes it away, his arm muscles accentuated by the lighting. God, looking this good should be illegal. It’s not like it’s anything new that Mingyu’s hot, and yet the sight stirs up a heat between your legs, heart beating a little faster as you sit up on the bed, finally forcing yourself to look him in the eyes.

“Oh, hey,” He catches your gaze and flexes his muscles instantly – something that might’ve just made you laugh if it didn’t shoot straight to your pussy. “You’re awake.”

“Yeah, well, um,” You gulp a little too loud when you catch yourself looking down on his bare chest again. You need to focus, you think to yourself, closing your eyes briefly to collect your thoughts. “I don’t usually sleep this long.”

“Mhm,” You see him smile and then the bed bends under his weight as he plops down on it, arms reaching for you and pulling you close with ease. He nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck, lips fanning over the skin and making you shiver softly. All cute and all, except he’s still only wearing a towel and the warmth of his body is making you you lose your mind a little. “And do you usually look at people like that?”

Like what, you’re about to ask, but the words die down in your throat when you feel his big hands slip under your shirt and rest on your waist, and you know he knows you want him. It’s kind of embarrasing how big of an effect even his slightest touch has on you, but who can really blame you for feeling all hot and bothered when Kim Mingyu is lying in bed with you, his chest against yours and hips only a few centimeters away from meeting his? He smells so nice, too – the scent of his shampoo is making it impossible for you to even think about leaving his embrace.

“No,” You whisper instead, breath hitching when he lifts you up to place you in his lap. He’s leaning against the headboard now, finger still firmly gripping your waist as he leaps forward to plant a soft kiss to your neck.

“No?” He says this against the skin of your neck, sending shivers down your spine as his hands travel higher and higher until they fan over the back of your bra, asking for permission to take it off. You give it to him by pushing your chest out against him, hands grabbing at his arms under the excuse of keeping yourself steady. Though, in reality, you just really like his arms, and the feeling of his muscles beneath your fingers only serves to help a throb form between your legs.

“No, just you,” You basically moan out as his right hand gropes one of your tits, bra thrown onto the floor.

“Just me?”

He smiles against you, now pressing a kiss to your jaw, pushing himself up against you to reach more of your skin, and in that way, causing his hips to brush up against yours. Your grip on his shoulders tightens at the contact and so does the coil in your stomach – you might be wearing shorts and the towel is still wrapped around Mingyu’s hips, but that doesn’t change the fact that you can clearly feel how his hard cock is pressing into the side of your inner thigh, mere centimeters from where you want it to be.

It’s like he reads your thoughts, because in the next moment, he’s lifting his hips again so his clothed cock brushes up against you, and judging from the satisfied smile that settles onto his face when you gasp, he’s doing it on purpose. You can’t even say anything when his hand rests on your hip and pushes you down on his bulge, this time successfully rubbing against your clit.

God, you’re going to go crazy if the two of you keep pretending this is a normal cuddling session any longer. At this point, you’re positive both your panties and shorts are completely soaked, not to mention how painfully your pussy is throbbing with need – the need for Kim Mingyu to fuck you.

“Mingyu…”

“Mmm?” He hums absentmindedly, fingers moving lower until they rest against the waistband of your panties.

You only whine at him in response, deciding to take matters into your own hands when you see his amused smile, your hips rolling into his and your pussy clenching around nothing when it rubs against his cock. You can feel how his fingers dig into your skin, a soft moan escaping past his lips at the touch and you know you've won.

“What happened to the cute, shy Y/N?” He’s still smiling as he speaks, letting his hand push your panties aside and hover just a centimeter away from your dripping pussy. It makes you suck in a breath, and Mingyu smiles even wider. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“I’m still here,” You assure him, moving your hips just a little forward so they reach his hand. It takes all in you not to outright whimper when the palm of his hand grazes your cunt, the slight sensation enough to make your whole body go limp in his arms, your mouth resting close to his ear. “I just really want you to fuck me right now.”

And that’s all Mingyu needs to hear before he basically manhandles you so your back is flat against the mattress, the towel slipping dangerously low on his hips as he hovers above you with his chest against yours. You shiver underneath him, nipples pressing against the thin shirt you're still wearing, thighs rubbing together in an attempt to relieve yourself of some of the tension. Mingyu doesn't fail to notice any of that, quick to practically rip your shirt off and play with your tits with one hand, while the other pulls down your shorts and panties so he can press one finger flat against your clit.

“Mingyu,” You moan out, lifting your hips off of the bed to create some friction. “Please.”

“God, you're so eager,” He grins and runs his fingers over your tits as he starts moving his thumb across your pussy, smiling in satisfaction when he sees how you're practically dripping onto his hand. “And so wet. Is that just for me, baby?”

You can't even give him an answer when he pushes one of his fingers inside of you, still letting his thumb press against your clit. A whimper leaves your mouth when he pulls it out only to push it back in a second later, setting a quick pace pretty quickly. The room is already filled with the noises your cunt makes when he fucks his finger into you, adding another when he realizes you're still bucking your hips up, begging for more. His thumb starts lazily rubbing circles on your clit, and you moan his name, then bite your lip to muffle the noise.

“Don’t,” The way Mingyu pouts is a big contrast to the way his fingers curl inside of you as he pushes them deeper into your wet cunt. “Wanna hear those pretty sounds you make, okay?”

“Okay,” You whimper, tightening your grip on him when the finger rubbing your clit speeds up and he presses wet kisses into your neck, then down to your tits and stomach.

His hand that isn’t busy fucking you with his fingers settles on your hip as his mouth reaches your inner thighs. He kisses them softly and looks up at you, eyes dark and hair framing his face so nicely, before he dives between your legs, catcing you off guard when his fingers slip out of you, only to be replaced by his tongue that laps up your juices while he continues rubbing your now swollen clit.

“Feels so good, Gyu,” You say and you can feel him moan against your pussy, the sound sending vibrations straight to your core. It's embarrassing how close you are to cumming already, but in your defense, Mingyu knows exactly what he's doing when he drags his nose through your folds, letting one of his fingers slip through your walls again. You grab at his hair, not trying to hold back your moans anymore as his tongue presses against your clit.

“You taste so good,” He purrs against you, making you cry out in pleasure when his fingers hit that one spot that makes your toes curl.

It's all too much to handle – the way his finger is leaving and entering your pussy at a fast speed, plunging deep inside of you as he sucks on your clit – it's got your thighs closing around his head, hands pulling at his hair to bring him closer like that's even possible. You’re so focused on chasing your orgasm, that you almost don’t notice when he adds another finger to pump in and out of your cunt, making you feel so full that your eyes roll to the back of your head and you clench around him repeatedly.

You don't even get to warn Mingyu of your approaching high in any other way than holding tight onto his strong arms as your pussy clamps down on his fingers, your hips bucking into his face. The intensity of your orgasm has you grabbing at the sheets as you cum on his tongue and fingers, feeling a little empty when he retracts his hand from your heat.

“Mingyu,” You whine from overstimulation when his tongue laps at your pussy again, licking up all your juices before he sits up.

“Sorry,” Mingyu smiles in a way that tells you he doesn’t feel sorry at all, and waits until you prop yourself up on your elbows so he can kiss you.

You can taste yourself on his tongue when it slips inside of your mouth, but what occupies your mind more is the way he’s still got the towel wrapped around his hips, and his painfully hard cock is now pressed against your thigh, reminding you just how badly you want it inside of you. It doesn’t exactly help the case that Mingyu’s looking even hotter than before – his hair pretty much dry now, but completely disheveled, chin glistening with your slick.

Before you can get the chance to back down, you put your hand on his chest and let it trace his muscles until you reach where the towel is tied. Mingyu basically purrs into your mouth when you palm his cock over the fabric, his head falling onto your shoulder.

“I’m gonna fuck you so good,” He mumbles into your ear and you feel his words shoot straight to your pussy. “You want that, don't you?”

“Mhm,” You tell him as he pushes you down on the mattress again, your hands coming up to finally untie the towel that's shielding him from your hungry eyes. “Want your cock, Mingyu, please.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely.”

He helps you push the towel off of his hips and groans when his cock springs free – it's a pretty sound that would've totally made you feel even needier if you weren't too occupied staring at him with wide eyes instead. You can tell from his growing smile that you're only feeding into his ego, but you can't really help it – his cock is not only pretty, it's also really fucking big.

“Aw, are you scared it won't fit?” His thumb strokes your lip and you can see how his arm muscles tighten when he leans on them to align himself at your entrance. “Don’t worry, baby, I'll make sure it does.”

You shiver when the tip of his dick grazes your cunt, his arm helping you to wrap your legs around his hips. His breath fans over your face as he leans down to press a kiss to your cheek, and you feel both butterflies and heat spread in your lower stomach at the action. God, he really wants you dead. The smile on his face doesn't subside even as he starts rubbing his cock across your folds without warning, making you grab at his arms, moans leaving your mouth no matter how hard you try to hold them back each time he comes in contact with your clit.

To your defense, you weren't exactly expecting him to suddenly start smearing your arousal all over your swollen cunt.

His movements work wonders, though, and soon enough, you're clenching around nothing with each roll of his hips, dripping onto his cock like he's been touching you'd hours, when in reality, it only took five or so swipes of his dick to bring you to this state.

“Mingyu, please,” If his goal was to have you become a whining mess, he's definitely reached it, because now, all sense of embarrassment is thrown aside. “I want you inside of me.”

“Are you sure you can take it?” He asks, but you can tell he's just as eager as you when he positions himself at your entrance.

You nod vigorously and that's all the confirmation he needs to drive his cock into you slowly. He's trying to be gentle – you can tell from the way his lips are parted and his big hands grip your waist tighter – but that doesn't change the fact that he's stretching you out like crazy, small whimpers leaving your mouth as you try to adjust to his size. You've barely gotten used to having him inside of you when you realize he hasn't even pushed all the way in. You're already feeling incredibly full, but nothing beats the way you feel Mingyu’s cock deep inside of you when he finally bottoms out, your pussy sucking him in.

“You’re so tight, fuck,” Mingyu groans and you only clench around him harder at the praise, feeling your mind go a little hazy at how stuffed you are with his cock. “Making me wanna fuck you dumb.”

Do it then, you want to tell him, but then he starts moving and all plans you had of speaking turn into quiet whimpers as you dig your nails into his skin. He’s moving painfully slowly, but it’s still making your head spin when he pulls out only to push himself back into your tight cunt, stretching you out and making you feel every bit of his cock clearly.

At first, you manage to keep your eyes on Mingyu – the way his abdominal muscles flex with each leisure thrust, making you whimper a little louder than you would’ve otherwise, the way his cock creates a bulge in your stomach when he buries it deep inside of you, the way his mouth falls open in a groan whenever your walls tighten around him. After a while, though, you can tell he wants to go faster and truthfully – you want him to,

“Mingyu,” You mumble, tapping his shoulder lightly. He only hums absentmindedly in response, but his eyes meet yours, so you continue. “More, please.”

“More?” His eyes light up and he thrusts a little harder this time, experimentally, smiling when you let out a broken moan. “Yeah? Feels good?”

“Mhm,” You mumble, eyes fluttering shut when he draws his hips back only to push into you again, this time deep enough so that you feel him all the way to your stomach.

Satisfied with your answer, Mingyu positions your leg higher on his hip so he can thrust into you at a deeper angle – something that leaves you seeing stars when he picks up his pace, fucking you into the matress. Your hands grab at his arms to steady yourself while his hand cups your tits, face leaning forward to press open mouthed kisses to your neck, sucking on your sensitive skin softly.

“Feels so fucking good, baby,” He mumbles into your neck, sending shivers down your body and making you clench around him harder.

The coil in your stomach starts to tighten and your eyes roll to the back of your head as Mingyu hits that one spot that makes your toes curl in pleasure. He doesn’t miss your louder moans, smiling to himself as he continues to hit that spot, sucking marks into your skin. His thrusts are fast but far from shallow, making your mind go foggy, not able to focus on anything but the way he’s fucking you so good. You bury your hands in his hair, forgetting all about being embarrassed and whimpering his name with each thrust that pushes you closer to your orgasm.

“Mingyu,” You say. “I’m so close.”

This only urges him to go harder, now bringing his thumb to rub circles on your clit as well, the action making you almost scream his name, thighs starting to shake. You don’t even have to hold onto him anymore – which is good, because you’re unable to think of anything else than how his cock slips in and out of your sopping cunt – because his strong arms are holding you up, fingers sliding easily across your sensitive clit. Your pussy is clenching around him uncontrollably now, tears starting to prickle at your eyes from the stimulation and you almost don’t register the things he’s whispering into your ear with a hoarse voice.

“You’re being such a good girl for me, taking everything I give you.”

You nod your head dumbly and clench around him in response, unable to really gather your thoughts to form any sentence, but Mingyu doesn’t seem to mind, hand coming to grab at your hips and push them against him so he can reach deeper into your pussy. This is when you can’t hold it in anymore, a loud moan of his name leaving your lips as you cum around his cock, sucking him in tightly as if you don’t want him to pull out.

You can feel Mingyu’s smile against your neck as he continues to pound into you as you’re trying to recover from your second orgasm, chasing his own high. Whimpering from the overstimulation, you hold onto him as he twitches inside of you. It doesn’t take long before he’s moaning right into your ear – a sound that makes your breath hitch in your throat – and emptying his cum into you.

“Fuck,” He pulls out of you and you whine at the loss of contact. This makes him smile – his signature grin looking even better on him than usually, with his cheeks flushed and droplets of sweat forming on his exposed forehead. “You did so well, baby.”

You can feel butterflies swarming in your stomach at the praise, face contorting into a tired smile when he lies down next to you, strong arms pulling you closer until your head rests against his chest. His warmth engulfs you and you realize you’d have no problem falling asleep between his arms right now.

“That was really amazing, you know,” He says and looks down on you.

“I know,” You press a kiss to his jaw. “Round two in thirty minutes?”

Mingyu’s laughter fills not only the room, but your heart as well.

“That’s my girl.”

taglist: @fixonbreakoff @httpswonwoosglasses @miniaturegardenerkingdom @xxtingz @yuyusdandelion @listxn @seungkwan-s @doublebunnykoo @gyuwhore @014yyuno @seokgyustudios @idkwhatursayinh @yaysuko @doitlikehoshi @sebongmochi

#mingyu smut #kim mingyu smut #seventeen smut #kim mingyu x reader #svt smut

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ggukiepie · 6 months

Text

one of your girls (pt. 2) (jungkook x reader)

we go 'round again, we jump back in bed that's what you do when you love somebody these bad omens, i look right through them that's what you do when you love somebody bad omens by 5sos

pairing: jungkook x fem oc

tags: smut, angst, fluff, fuckboy!jk, fwb rel, oc is...she thinks with her heart <//3, college au, jungkook is sus and a bit mean but is oc any better ? hmmmm

warnings: kissing, fingering, protected sex, mirror kink, backshots wooo but make it romantic, light choking, multiple orgasms, a little bit of aftercare, cuddling :o

word count: 6k

a/n: weeeee part 2 is finally here !! sorry this took so long yall. i have two more parts to release for this series (flashback then part 3). anw happy reading !! uhhhhhh the ending..dont scream at me :D / part 1 / drabble i (flashback)

taglist: @yuwaimo @haileycannotcometothephonern @hoseokteardrop @hoodrejects @agrika @joonwater @moonchild1

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

It's sunny today which calls for hanging out at the quad. It's what you and your friends usually do to take advantage of the rare warm days. Jihyo's busy bickering with Mingyu, you don't know what they're really talking about because you're busy re-writing your notes. You haven't seen Jimin yet but he texted the group chat saying he's just buying food. And Jungkook...well you don't know if he's going to show up today. You haven't talked to him since that night. It's just been three days anyway.

You feel someone sit down beside you and you notice it's Jimin. He's wearing those skinny jeans he loves so much because he says it makes his ass look nice. You roll your eyes every time he mentions that.

"Cool guy alert," Mingyu suddenly calls out. You whip your head up to stare at Jimin who's wearing the biggest pair of sunglasses you've ever seen, it's covering half of his face already.

"Too sunny for you, Jiminie?" Jihyo teases this time.

You all watch Jimin silently as he removes the sunglasses. His left eye is bruised and it's ugly and purple and almost black.

"What the fuck," Jihyo says to break the silence. "What happened to you?"

Jimin doesn't say anything yet, just simply fixes his hair and shakes his head. You can tell he's trying not to get angry because his jaw is clenched.

"Jimin?" you whisper.

"It was Jungkook," he says gruffly. Your heart stops again at the mention of his name. Why would Jimin and Jungkook fight? Their friendship is pretty solid and they always get along well. You've never seen them annoyed at each other.

Your eyes flit to Mingyu and you think he knows what happened because he's silent, no hint of surprise on his face. He's looking down at the table while playing with his food.

"You guys never fight," Jihyo interjects. "What happened?"

Jimin turns to face you and you suddenly think you know why. You don't want to say it yourself but you think you've got an inkling why Jungkook punched him. You just hope you're wrong.

"You need to talk to him," Jimin tells you, completely ignoring Jihyo's question. You nod silently and check your phone to see if Jungkook has texted you at all. Of course he hasn't. Typical. But you'll find him today. You don't know exactly what went down but Jimin telling you to find him confirms your suspicions. It's enough to get you mad, your body heating and tensing up in simmering anger. You don't mind what Jungkook does to you, how he hurts your feelings without intending to, how he treats you like you're some disposable object, like you're just there always on the sidelines waiting for him. What you can't tolerate is Jungkook bringing both your friends into your situationship. What goes on between you and Jungkook should stay between you both and that's it. You can't handle him hurting Jimin as well.

There are a few places where you think Jungkook might be. You walk to the cafeteria first and search for him in the crowd. He's not there so you head to the library instead and your heart drops the moment you see him talking to some girl.

"Hey," you practically shout, suprising the people in the library and yourself as well, even. You're usually never this angry. Never address someone in such a venomous way. But you can't help but feel irked at what Jungkook's done.

He looks back and his eyes widen at your angry form. It only lasts for a second before he smirks and walks closer to you.

"Yeah?" he says, all smug and cocky.

"We need to talk."

Then you turn around and start walking out of the library, could hear Jungkook walking behind you already. Girl he was talking to all forgotten.

Surprisingly, you end up at his place.

You walk into his living room, ignoring him when he tells you to take a seat on the couch.

"Did you punch Jimin?" you ask right away, wanting to get this stupid issue over with.

You watch as his jaw clenches, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. He looks at you for a moment, eyes in slits at your hostility. "And what if I did?"

"What the fuck was that, Jungkook?" You look at him with stern eyes and could tell he's angry as well, chest rising up and down in quick breaths.

"Don't mess with my friends," he says.

"Jimin is my friend too!" you retort. "What happens between me and Jimin has nothing to do with you."

"Just—"

"Just what, Jungkook?" you cut him off. "You had no right to punch Jimin like that. Why'd you even do it in the first place?" You place your hands on your hips as you wait for him to answer you, puffing out a breath in frustration.

He looks a bit lost, eyes darting from side to side to look for an answer. The longer the silence goes, the shorter your patience gets.

"Well?" you prompt.

"Just don't, alright?" he says lamely. You roll your eyes. "You can sleep with anyone else except—"

"Who the fuck gave you the right to tell me who I can and can't sleep with?" You're almost screaming now but you don't care. This push and pull with Jungkook is making you so angry you want to punch him. You walk up to him and shove at his chest but he barely stumbles back. It just angers you even further. "I don't even give you shit when you sleep with other girls!" You continue pushing him back, practically punching his chest now. "It's not like you agreed to be exclusive. You said it yourself that you still wanted to fuck around. That was the agreement."

Jungkook grabs your wrists to stop you from pushing him. You watch him clench his jaw as he makes eye contact with you. "What if I want to take back what I said?"

"What?" you mumble dumbly, all the fight leaving your body.

He lets go of your wrists and takes a step back. You watch him pace back and forth in his room. "What if I want us to be exclusive?"

You say the first thing that comes to mind. "You're lying." He must be. He's just trying to lure you in, get him on your good side again.

He looks at you dead in the eyes and it seems like all the anger and frustration is leaving his body as well. He looks defeated and tired, and you're sure you look the same. "I'm not. I never lie to you."

"You do, Kook," you say quietly. But you're not saying it to make him feel bad. You're simply saying it because it's the truth and both of you know that.

He sits down beside you on his bed and buries his face in his hands. You watch him and try to keep your tears at bay.

"Kook, if this is some sick joke—"

"It's not," he says all of a sudden. "What if I want us to be exclusive?" he tries again.

You don't like it when he looks at you like that. Like you matter to him. Like he actually cares. Like he feels the same way as you. Looking into his eyes is too much so you turn your head away and stare at the wall instead.

"Why?" you whisper.

"Because..." he tries. "Because—"

"Because what, Kook? Suddenly you don't like the idea of me sleeping with other guys? But you can sleep with other girls? And if I say yes to you, what'll happen then?" you say harshly. "Huh? You're gonna forget about me? Just use me whenever you want?"

"It's not like that, sweetheart." He tries grabbing your hand but you shake him off. You stand up and walk to the other side of the room, suddenly wanting to be away from him. Being near Jungkook clouds your senses and makes you act irrationally.

"Don't call me that." You feel your lips trembling and you're pretty sure tears are streaming down your face. "I don't know what you want from me, Jungkook. You can't even explain why you want us to be exclusive."

He mirrors your expression, big doe eyes suddenly teary as well. "I'm sorry," he chokes out. It stays silent after that. You nod to yourself. Maybe this is the best explanation you'll get. You gather your things and mumble a goodbye. You exit his bedroom and Jungkook doesn't chase after you. At this point you don't expect him to anymore. You bump into Mingyu and Jihyo upon exiting Jungkook's apartment. They call out to you but you ignore them and speed walk out of the building.

Your heart hurts. Like, it physically hurts. You know you should feel happy with what Jungkook's just told you. It's what you wanted ever since you fell for him. But why are you pushing away? Why don't you want to believe him all of a sudden?

Because you used to. Believe him, that is. Used to look at him all starry eyed with whatever he said. Said yes to whatever he asked. Looked at him like he can achieve world peace. Something stupid of the sort. Wore your heart on your sleeve every time you were with him. Even when you weren't, now that you think about it.

You always showed your feelings through your actions. He just showed his feelings through his words.

It's different but it's the same. This time you don't believe him. Stopped believing his words some time ago. Always knew there was some lie beneath his words. Always doubted what he said. Or just brushed it over your shoulder. Never let it settle in the crevices of your heart, which is sadly just filled with him. Him, him, him.

Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook.

You should feel sorry for yourself for how much he's changed you without even trying to directly. You never thought you'd have to change yourself for a man. But here he is, making you doubt him and the world. You were never like this before.

You thought love was easy. That if it was the right person, everything would fall into place naturally. You didn't know love would be like this. That you'd always be cautious, always had your walls up, looking over your shoulder. That you had to fight for love, or that it hurt so much you found difficulty in breathing.

But is Jungkook the right person?

It's not something you want to answer yourself, because you'll get hurt either way. You just brush the thought aside like you do with your feelings.

You don't go back to your apartment because you know Jihyo thinks it'll be the first place you go to. Will barge in your room because she has a spare key. Is confrontational and protective of you like that, she'll ask questions right away.

But you don't want to think of what just transpired. You want to forget. Move on. Not sure if that means moving on from Jungkook entirely (you doubt you ever will) but you just want to forget about today.

So you keep walking. No destination in mind, you just let your feet walk you to wherever. Away from campus. Walking through some random park. Eventually, you end up at a Korean BBQ. Don't realize the meaning this place holds till you're seated. It's Jungkook's favorite restaurant. He brought you here twice.

Now you're here alone. You start feeling pathetic. Who the fuck goes to a restaurant like this alone? You scan the area—you see couples, friends, families eating together. But you're alone which means you have to grill the meat alone. Serve yourself. Eat by yourself.

You order two bottles of soju. Might as well be drunk while looking pathetic.

You think you've made a good decision. The food is good and you're doing everything yourself so you have no time to think about other things. Or people. Person.

You flip the meat only to see that you've flipped it too early. It's not properly cooked yet. Jungkook always knew when to flip it at the right time.

You sigh. That was what, twenty minutes of him being out of your head? At least it's progress. Somewhat.

After a while you decide you can't inhale anymore food. You'll probably explode. But a happy tummy is a happy heart. Or whatever people say. You're drunk, can't think straight. You're drunk but not stupid, so you ask Jihyo if she can pick you up.

She simply replies otw and is outside the restaurant ten minutes later. She comes in full force—which is really just Mingyu and Jimin with her in the car. It's Mingyu's car, anyway, so you expected to see him. You don't know why Jimin's with them, but you don't mind. Seeing your group of friends eases the ache in your heart even more. Even though one person's missing.

You don't mind. Well, just a little.

You smile at them as you walk to the car while Jihyo runs out of it to give you a big hug. She doesn't say anything as she rubs your back soothingly and you don't cry on her shoulder like you normally would. You're too tired of crying. Being sad.

You don't say anything as the both of you get back in the car. They don't ask about what happened and for that you're grateful. You don't want to process it yet, anyway. Don't think there's much to process. You love Jungkook and he doesn't love you back. Simple.

Your friends fill in the quiet pretty well. Jimin goes off on some tangent. You don't really know the topic. But Jihyo's interjecting from time to time. Mingyu makes a joke and it has all of you laughing. Eventually you get to Jimin's place. It's the usual hangout spot. A one bedroom apartment with a nice balcony. Not too big but not too small either. Just right for the four of you.

Usually five.

You don't know what transpired after you left Jungkook's place. How Mingyu and Jihyo saw you running out with tears down your cheeks. You don't know and you don't ask. You all watch a movie together. All fall asleep in Jimin's living room. Will complain about your backs hurting the next morning but you don't care. It's nice to be around them.

You leave Jimin's place the morning after. You, Mingyu and Jihyo leave because Jimin shoos all of you out. Says he has an exam to study for. He'll probably complain about it during lunch. Tuesdays are reserved for lunch with each other. Out on the quad, if it's sunny enough. In the cafeteria otherwise. You're not sure if Jungkook will show up. You doubt he will.

Mingyu and Jihyo walk you home. You shower and get ready for class. You move as if you're on autopilot. Shower. Get dressed. Get the right textbooks. Lock your door. Walk to class.

You put yourself in this bubble, in this false sense of security that things are ok. You'll be okay. You've been through a lot and you're still here standing, breathing, living. This? This is nothing.

You just have to give yourself time. Have to push your feelings away. Out of sight, out of mind. Don't think it works like that when it's about your feelings. Whatever. Your heart will mend itself back to place.

But what makes a heart whole? It's people, mostly. It's your friends. Your family.

Jungkook.

Always gonna be Jungkook.

And you're back at square one.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

jk (sent two weeks ago): can we talk?

jk (sent one week ago): hi

jk (sent one week ago): can we talk pls?

jk (sent five days ago): y/n?

jk (sent three days ago): im so sorry, y/n. i just want to talk. please.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

It's been two weeks since the incident and your group hasn't been complete ever since. Either Mingyu and Jihyo are with Jungkook, or with you. Things are starting to change for the worse, and it's making you sad.

At least Jimin and Jungkook have made up already. You don't know the details exactly (because you didn't ask), but you've heard that they've started hanging out again.

You and Jungkook?

You haven't replied to any of his texts. You haven't seen him for two weeks. It's weird. It feels like there's something wrong, something off. Like there's a small pebble in your shoe. Like there's a nagging voice in your head telling you to go back home because you forgot to unplug your straightener.

Like you're missing a piece of you. This hole in your chest that leaves you feeling empty.

You miss Jungkook. And not just the sex. You also miss the friendship. The intimate moments.

You don't have the courage to ask about him, to text him back or look for him. Frankly, you're still hurt from what transpired and you think you might just break if he hurts you again.

It's even raining today. The cold and gloomy weather dampens your mood even more. You baked cookies to try to cheer you up. You used to love baking but haven't done so in a while, you're not really sure why. But you needed an extra pick me up today.

You're holding the tupperware of cookies close to your chest when you walk in the cafeteria, looking for your friends. You always bake extra for them—love the looks on their faces when Jihyo counts all the cookies first and divides it accordingly, when Mingyu gets more than what he should have, when they all fight over the last piece.

When Jungkook would ask if you had extra cookies back at your place.

You don't think that'll happen anymore.

You spot your friends by a table in the corner of the cafeteria, next to a large window where the rain hits it outside in a steady patter.

You see Mingyu who's taking to Jimin, Jihyo typing something on her laptop.

And there's the missing piece, beanie-clad head hung low, tattooed hand busy writing on his notebook.

You feel your heart lurch in your chest. You stop walking, not minding that you're blocking the way.

You take deep breaths to calm your nerves. You have to see each other at some point. And also, you don't want your friends to feel awkward anymore.

You continue walking again and because the universe wants to torture you even further, the only available seat left is right across Jungkook.

"Hi," you chirp, trying to sound as cheery as you can as you sit down. Mingyu, Jihyo and Jimin all look at you in surprise, then Jimin starts talking about his day to fill in the awkward silence. The three of them try to make things go back to normal. You would've laughed at the looks of your friends' faces (sans Jungkook, because you refuse to look at him) if you didn't feel so nervous.

You join in the conversation as well, not an ounce of sadness shown on your face. You don't want your situation with Jungkook to affect the rest of your friends.

The both of you never address each other directly, but you do feel him looking at you from time to time.

You place the cookies in the middle of the table. Like old times, Jihyo counts all the cookies and tells everyone they can only have three pieces each. Mingyu eats more than three. The three of them fight over the last piece, Jimin proposing that they battle it out through rock paper scissors.

You're laughing at the scene in front of you. Good thing you saved some for yourself back at your apartment.

Amidst the chaos, you feel Jungkook lean over the table to whisper in your ear.

"You got more cookies back at yours?"

Your body stiffens at the proximity. Usually you'd say yes. He'd follow you home, make some small talk while you place cookies in a ziplock for him, then he'd hug you goodbye.

That was before the agreement. It was essentially the same routine when you started sleeping with each other, though of course he'd stay a little bit longer.

You turn your head and look at him for the first time. You will yourself not to cry, to steel your emotions.

He looks so soft, so comfy like he just rolled out of bed. He's wearing a beanie to tame his curls, and he's wearing one of his oversized shirts paired with gray sweatpants.

He smells good too. And you realize that you really, really miss him.

"Yeah," you say just as quietly. You feel your heart lighten, but your head's screaming at you to reject him.

Jungkook doesn't say anything else and neither do you. You wait for your friends to finish eating and once everyone stands up, Jungkook walks to your side. Jihyo looks at you quizzically but you just shake your head, silently telling her not to voice out anything out loud. You say your goodbyes and start walking towards your apartment, Jungkook right beside you.

It's silent. And a little bit awkward. You're thinking of what to tell him, whether he wants to talk about what happened, or he just wants your damn cookies.

You close the door behind the both of you and you immediately walk to your small kitchen, grabbing the container of extra cookies and putting some in a ziplock, like you usually do. You feel from the corner of your eyes that Jungkook's watching you, and you feel like your heart is about to burst at what he might say.

"About that night..." he starts.

You sigh and drop the cookies on the counter, turning to him to look at him directly. For the first time in a while, Jungkook looks nervous. Fingers fidgeting, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"You know I like you, right?" you suddenly say.

"Yeah," he answers right away without a beat of hesitation.

"Then I want to stop whatever it is we have between us."

You watch Jungkook's face for his reaction. How his eyes widen, how he clenches and unclenches his fists, how his chest rises up and down in quick beats.

"Why?" he simply asks.

You bite your lip in thought, thinking of the right words to say. "I can't let you treat me like shit anymore, Jungkook. It's not healthy for the both of us. I don't know how you feel or what you want but look," you sigh. "You punched Jimin because what? Because I slept with him?"

"What if I want us to try?"

Now it's your turn for your eyes to widen, for your heart to lurch in your chest, body seizing at the question. Acting the same way you did when he asked the first time.

"Try?"

Jungkook nods, lips pursed as he walks closer to you. "You and me. Let's try. No more fooling around with other people." He swears under his breath as he comes to stand in front of you, both arms caging you against the counter. He breathes out and rests his forehead against yours, eyes closed like he's tired.

You're tired as well. But you let him do what he wants. Like you always do.

"(Y/N)," he starts to say. "Look, I— The thought of you sleeping with someone else... It made me crazy," he laughs dryly.

You lean back and scrunch your eyebrows at him. "Jungkook, I'm not some object for you to be possessive over. You just can't—"

"I don't mean it like that," he says, looking at you directly now. Your knees would've buckled at the intensity of his gaze were it not for your body leaning on the kitchen counter. "I just mean..." He turns his head to look away. "I just mean I can't bear the thought of you being with someone else anymore. Doing the things we do."

You open your mouth in reply then close it again when you realize you don't know what to say. You've been waiting to hear this confession for so long, but now that you've heard it, you're suddenly not happy. You're unsure. Guarded. Hurt.

"Jungkook," you whisper unsurely.

He turns his head back to you, gaze right on your lips before he locks eyes with you again.

"We can try. Please," he whispers. It's weird seeing Jungkook this way, all vulnerable and desperate. Begging. Usually, you'd be in his position. Not the other way around. "I promise this time."

You feel your resolve slowly crumbling. All the walls you've built up from your last interaction with him come falling down. You should hate yourself, you really should. But you know where your heart lies. What it wants. That you'd take any inkling of love he'd give you. Even if he may not mean it. Even if it might not last forever.

"Okay," you say, and the moment you do, you see the most beautiful smile grace his face. It makes you smile as well, ignoring the little voice in the back of your head to say no. "But we start slowly, alright?"

He nods his head, smile still there, body slowly pressing against yours. He nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck and your arms automatically go around him.

"Kook," you sigh. "We should probably talk first—"

"In the morning, baby," he says in between the kisses he's placing on your shoulder. "I promise."

You play with his hair while Jungkook does what he wants. Kissing your shoulder, your collarbone, up to your jaw. It's playful at first, big smooches echoing in your apartment. Then it starts getting heated the moment you feel his tongue on your skin.

"J-Jungkook," you stutter.

He grips your waist and lifts you up so you're seated on the counter. "You drive me crazy, I hope you know that."

You smile at him and say nothing else as you grab his face towards yours, finally reconnecting your lips with his. It's soft and sensual, no sense of urgency like how you usually kiss. Like how Jungkook had somewhere to be after. Or that he wanted to get it over with.

He's taking his time now by the way his lips mold slowly against yours, like he wants to map out how you taste, how you feel, how your tongue feels like pressed against his.

You stay like that for a while, just kissing and basking in each other's presence. Jungkook holds your waist firmly like he doesn't want to let go. Frankly, you don't want him to either.

You start getting antsy so you grab the hem of his shirt and try to slip it over his head. He laughs at your impatience as you throw the shirt somewhere in your apartment, hands going to his back instantly. Scratching your nails lightly down his skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Then your hands go down to his pants and you start toying with his jeans.

"Sweetheart," he leans back and chuckles. He holds your face gently. "There's no need to rush, okay? We've got all the time in the world."

You lean back as well, exhaling the breath you didn't know you were holding. "Okay," you agree. "Yeah, sorry."

"Let me take my time with you," he murmurs as he leans in again to kiss you.

Jungkook does his take time. Practically kisses every inch of your skin. Takes off your clothing one by one. Fingers you slowly that you're seeing stars. Cleans you up with his mouth that you're left breathless and dizzy. Disoriented. You're both (finally) naked by the time you're in bed.

"Look at yourself, baby," he whispers right into your ear.

His words go in your ear and out the other, head too clouded with the mind blowing orgasm he just gave you. You don't understand what he's telling you to do until he gently grabs your chin and turns it to where he wants you to look. Your eyes spot your full length mirror. You see yourself, bare and sitting on the bed with your legs folded beneath you, thighs open and pussy on display. Jungkook's right behind you in a similar position, body so big and wide that you notice the stark difference of your bodies.

You see your chest heaving up and down, tits moving in sync with your breaths. Your hands are resting on his thighs. Jungkook slithers his arm to wrap around your waist. Finally, you lock eyes with him through the mirror.

"See?" he says, though you don't really know what he wants you to see. "You look so pretty. S'why I can't get enough of you."

"Oh," you breathe out.

"Yeah, oh," Jungkook chuckles lightly. "Gonna fuck you now, okay?"

You nod your head in reply and Jungkook lifts you up a bit to enter you from behind. You gasp when he fills you up right away, a perfect fit like always. He starts thrusting slowly but deeply, and you feel his tip kiss your cervix each time. You would've toppled forward were it not for his protective hold around your waist.

"Feels good," you finally moan out.

"I know, baby," he pants from behind you. "You take me so well. Like you were made for me. Like we were made for each other."

Your heart seizes at that, and all words get stuck in your throat when Jungkook picks up the pace of his thrusts, both hands going to your chest to cup your breasts.

Jungkook presses his chest to your back, practically molding himself around your body, you're starting to feel as one. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, lips on your sweaty skin.

"I might not last long," he grunts.

"Me too," you mewl. It stays silent for a while, just both your breaths filling the room. It's not like you need to say anything, to be vocal like you both usually are. It's different this time and you know Jungkook can feel it too. With the way his body is pressed to yours, to his tight hold on you like you might disappear into thin air if he lets go, how his mouth never seems to leave your skin, how your hand holds his. Like you're too overwhelmed with the events that happened today, the past few weeks—since this started. That it's all coming to an end, but an end with a new beautiful beginning. It feels overwhelming because you're entering new territory. You still have your doubts (you don't think those will ever leave), but at least now you're on the same page with Jungkook. Together. Jumping into the unknown. Even if you're not sure how this will turn out—being together with him, for real this time. If it'll end in greater heartbreak or will be your best decision yet. But you're here because you want to try. You've let him in because you want to try. Because your heart has been with his from the start, you realize.

You're brought back to reality when Jungkook brings his hand up to wrap around your throat—not tightly, a hold barely there but firm enough to know he has you in his hold. You stare at yourself again in the mirror, at Jungkook moving his hips from behind you. How you're so pressed into each other.

"Jungkook," you choke out, suddenly so overwhelmed and full of emotion. His gaze shifts from your body to your face, looking at you through the mirror so intently you feel like melting. You move your hips back to meet his thrusts, your body feeling like it's on fire and that you might snap soon. "Kook, I—"

"I know, baby," he murmured. "I know." Knows that you're close, that this moment feels different, electrifying. "I got you, okay?" he whispers so sweetly. You lean your head back against his shoulder. "Let go for me. Hm?"

"Okay," you whisper, eyes closing and focusing on doing just that. It doesn't take you much longer to reach your peak, to let go and let the pleasure take control of your body. It comes to you gradually, getting stronger and stronger, and Jungkook talks you through it all. Though you can't make out his words since everything sounds so muffled. Like you're under water and the wave's crashed.

"Gonna come too," he grunts. "You're so beautiful when you come, baby. I can't—"

Jungkook reaches his orgasm after and fills up the condom. Fucks you so slow and deep through his high it sets you off once more. Don't realize that his finger is rubbing your clit slowly. Like he wanted you to reach your high again.

"That's it," he whispers. "So good for me."

You almost fall face first on your bed, but Jungkook catches you with a hand around your waist. Moves you around the bed so that you're laying on your back with him right beside you. You curl into him instantly as his arm wraps around your shoulder. He brings his lips to the crown of your head and places a gentle kiss.

You close your eyes and listen to the beat of his heart slowing down, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest. "We need to clean up soon," you mumble after a while.

"I'll do it," he mumbles back. "Let me just— Let me catch my breath first."

You laugh lightly, your body slowly succumbing to sleep. You feel Jungkook stand up and for a second your heart seizes in your chest. You keep your eyes closed while you try to listen for any sounds of clothes being picked up, of him getting dressed.

All you hear is your bathroom door being open then closed, then you feel a damp washcloth between your legs, and only then does your heart start beating again. Jungkook's back beside you in bed a few moments later, and then you finally succumb to sleep.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

An alarm wakes you up the next morning. You know it isn't yours since it's not the usual ringtone you use. You open your eyes slowly and smile sleepily at Jungkook's arm draped across your waist. You look back to see him sleeping peacefully, mouth slightly ajar. You reach your arm out to your beside table to look for the noisy phone, realizing it's Jungkook's when you bring it close to your face to turn off the alarm.

You notice he's gotten a few notifications since last night, are about to place it back on your table when a text stands out to you. Waking you up fully. Your tummy churning, your breath seizing.

You can't see the preview of the message, but the name is enough to leave you feeling dizzy.

It's from Iseul. You know her because she's one of Jungkook's regulars. And you know this because she texts him a lot, her name always popping up in his phone. Not that you secretly went through it before, but sometimes Jungkook likes showing his phone to you and your friends, either of a cool photo he took lately or some random meme.

You try to stop your thoughts from thinking of the worst, but you can't help it. You and Jungkook haven't talked much about your relationship, because there is a lot to talk about. You know it won't all be fixed in one sitting. So you don't know if they're still seeing each other. You don't know if he meant what he said last night.

You start feeling ill, your palms sweating and your head beginning to pound. You find yourself standing up, getting dressed and grabbing just your phone with you. Never mind the fact that you're leaving Jungkook yet you're in your place. That he might still be here when you're back, whenever that will be. For the first time since you started this thing with him, you leave without saying goodbye.

#jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook #jungkook one shot #fwb!jk #fwb!jungkook #fwb jungkook #mine #college jungkook #bts fic #bts fanfic #fic ooyg

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jeonjcngkook · 1 year

Note

What about a drabble where the oc hasn't seen jk in a while and when they are hanging out, she like finally sees him and smothers him with affection, kissing his moles and you know just giving him kisses and he's all giggly and blus.... Omg what have i done.

right where you left me | jjk

pairing: jungkook x female reader genre(s)&au(s): sfw, fluff, romance, established relationship, domestic happiness, slice of life word count: 2.7k warnings: mention of alcohol + 1 sip bcs oc rather be drunk on luvin koo 🤤🥴 oh bet believe we r bringing back blue haired koo just 4 u sarah 🙃, making out, kisses kisses kisses 😚😚 — srsly i say it 24 times n its still !! not !! enough !! grr, ((maybe a surprise daddy koo who fuckin loves his baby ??)), how many times can i call koo 'pretty' ; the answer is also not enough 🥹 !! um, suggestive hints at sex 🫣 & sav being her typical self and never letting the est rel romance agenda go — srsly i cant do anything else 🫠. rating: mature nc17+ for suggestiveness note: unedited asf 🤷🏻‍♀️… ive had this lil request in my inbox for a while n wanted so save it for something special. so for @caelesjjk — i hope this makes you smile as much as it did me writing this. happy bday angel ♡ and for the anon who requested this, tysvm i love lil fluff requests like these n hope to do more 💘 hopefully you also like it too

Sighing a sigh of relief, you have never felt so happy to kick your shoes off at your front door after being away from work for so long. The all too familiar feeling of your feet sinking into the plush grey carpet beneath you fills you with a sense of comfort completely overriding the homesickness that once hovered over you like a bleak grey cloud.

The house is quieter than usual, the only sounds are from the floor creaking as you swap your shoes for your fluffy slippers filling the empty spaces. You pick your keys that you had just thrown on top of the shelf at the front door and hang them up next to your husband's set of car keys; the sight of them hanging gives you the answer that you’ve been asking yourself.. Jungkook should be home.

Making your way further into the living space, you notice that the house is kept in the exact same condition it was when you left last week for a girls getaway trip to London. There are the odd toy lying on the floor but other than that, it’s spik and span. The lack of sound from the TV, which is usually showing a rerun of Jungkook or your own favourite show is almost deafening, used to always hearing something playing in the background. Come to think of it, there are also no signs of melodic sounds from Jungkook’s usual soft r&b playlist either.

The smell of cooking fills your nose and your mouth starts to water immediately. If Jungkook is unaware of the fact you’re home then you decide that you would keep this up and slowly tip toe into the kitchen in hopes to surprise your husband.

Slowly, you creep through the warmth of your living room and into the kitchen area where Jungkook doesn’t seem to be. You frown at the lack of husband in the room, a little worried about his whereabouts. He knows you’re returning today, even offering to pick you up at the airport when you land himself but you refused as your friend’s boyfriend was providing you transport home already.

However, as quickly as your frown came, it left when you find a bottle of red wine sitting on the island in the middle of the kitchen, and sitting next to it are two glasses and you can’t help but gnaw on your bottom lip to try and suppress your smile. You decide to rummage through the drawers, pulling out a corkscrew and removing the cork from the neck of the bottle. With a pop, the wine bottle opens and the scent of the fruity alcohol mixes with the smell of dinner, which is in the slow cooker behind you and you can’t help but let out a low hum of satisfaction. You pick up the bottle and pour the liquid into both glasses until half way.. If you're going to surprise your husband then you may as well do it with a glass of wine to greet him with.

Picking up the glasses in each hand, you decide to head up the stairs to the top level of your home to find Jungkook. As you pass the stairs, you stop and look at the wall which is filled with pictures of you both together as well as pictures of your family. You smile as you look at the images of family holidays, special occasions and fun times you’ve spent together. Your wedding picture of you both is centred in the middle and you can’t help but smile wider at the image.

Dressed head to toe in white lace and tulle with a diamond centrepiece on the dress, which glitters in the picture as the camera caught a moment between you and Jungkook staring at each other with love and admiration for each other. Jungkook stands next to you in his custom made all white wedding tuxedo and a matching diamond brooch clipped onto his suit jacket. One of his hands was wrapped around your waist as the other was playing with the ends of your hair. You remember in the moment that Jungkook was laughing a boisterous and beautiful giggle right before he kissed you so tenderly for the picture.

It wasn’t an image that was meant to be taken but it ended up being your favourite from the wedding shoot.

You move on and climb the rest of the stairs slowly and quietly. As you reach the top, your head turns in the direction of your shared bedroom and immediately you see the door is wide open and the room empty meaning there is only one other place Jungkook could be. You head in the opposite direction when you see the last door at the bottom of the hallway cracked open slightly, only to let a sliver of red light into your view from the hallway.

The faint sounds of keyboard clicks can be heard as you approach the room. Gently, you push the door open to be greeted with Jungkook’s dual monitor screens lighting up the room along with the dark LED’s. The top of Jungkook’s head can be seen over the headrest of his gaming chair as you see his giant headset resting over his ears, blocking out the sound of the outside world as he continues to click away at the buttons on his keyboard, successfully managing to kill an opponent on the opposite team of the game he is playing.

On one of the monitors, you manage to see the little pop up figure of his body in the corner and notice that he’s shirtless, which isn’t something he usually does when he streams. You scrunch your eyes slightly to find that Jungkook has your eight month daughter wrapped up in her favourite white blanket resting herself on his chest as one of his hands sits underneath her to keep her placed comfortably. It’s now that you register the little snores coming from your baby girl as you lean against the doorway and take in the sight in front of you. Your little girl has her tiny palm opened and resting against her daddy’s skin and her chubby cheek pressing into the bare skin of his chest.

You hear Jungkook hum as he watches over the comment section of his stream as he continues to play, making sure to answer people as quickly as the comments come.

“...Yeah, it’s proven that skin to skin contact between newborn babies and their parents improves bonds long after birth,” you hear Jungkook say and you grin at his answer. You bought those books on pregnancy for you but you swear you caught Jungkook amongst the novels more than yourself. Every night through your pregnancy, Jungkook would tell you a new fact that he had learned for the day and couldn’t wait to share it with you.

“It also lowers stress levels for babies and parents too, as well as promotes a healthy breastfeeding cycle for the little one. I’d do anything I can to help out _____ in any way I can. She’s brilliant. She gave me everything I could ever want right here,” Jungkook says as your little girl rustles slightly against him. “Speaking of ______, she should be home soon,” he thinks out loud.

Placing both of the wine filled glasses on top of the table on the side wall, you’re able to rummage your hands in your pocket to pull it out. You snap the image in front of you of him on the monitor with your baby in his arms before opening your thread of texts between each other and captioning the moment before sending him the picture.

Jungkook’s own phone lies on the desk with the screen up; lights up with your notification. You watch as he’s quick to grab it and clicks into the notification to enter in your direct messages together.

You [8:32pm] : {image attached} shes already home ;)

Jungkook turns around and sees you standing there waiting for him with the glasses in your hands, smiling fondly at both him and the infant in his arms. He immediately replicates your smile before turning back to the camera he has set up and announcing his departure from tonight's live stream.

Slowly, he moves out of his gaming chair and makes his way over to you. In the week you have been gone his hair has already grown out a few extra inches, the blue ends now long enough to touch his jawline. The front of his hair falls over his face in pretty black wispy curls while some fall from the sides and have been clipped back by a few of your hair clips. He’s just so beautiful. His bare chest rises up and down gently and slowly while the eight month old girl continues to snuggle herself against her father. You take in the image of intricate swirls and patterns of ink that extend over his shoulder, flexed bicep as he keeps your daughter secure in his arms, all the way down his forearm and hands. He’s just the prettiest.

“Welcome home, sweetheart,” he whispers as he bends down ever so little to meet you halfway into a sweet kiss. You reach a hand around his neck and pull yourself towards him as he kisses you, chasing his pretty cherry flavoured pouty lips.

“It’s so good to be back home,” you admit. “How long has she been asleep?” You ask as you run your fingers delicately through her hair.

Jungkook thinks for a moment before telling you it’s only been a couple hours. Jungkook had already fed her and bathed her before he started his stream, so all there is to do now is to put her to bed in her crib.

You exit the gaming room with Jungkook following right behind you. In your bedroom, you place down the wine glasses and you’re quick to sift through your wardrobe to pull out a comfortable outfit to lounge around the house in, one that you hadn’t spent falling asleep in on an aeroplane for hours. Jungkook bends over the wooden structure of the crib and places the baby inside. The latch of the crib is secured once more and the sound of her hanging mobile sounds out a soft melody.

Once dressed, you make your way over to Jungkook who is admiring you from the other side of the room having missed his beautiful wife for a week. With his hair now removed from the hair clips and almost fully covering his glittering eyes, he flashes you that all too familiar, signature pretty smile he has before reaching out for you and enveloping you in his arms.

You jump into his embrace and lock your legs around his waist from behind, cupping his cheeks as you smother each other in kisses, whispering soft greetings and compliments.

“I’m so happy to see you again,” you whisper faintly as you continue to press kiss after kiss after kiss onto his lips. “I’m so lucky to have you as mine,” you finish.

Jungkook smiles as he starts to walk out of the room, reaching for the baby monitor as he keeps you secured in his arms and you reach for the wine from behind him, taking a generous, long overdue sip. Jungkook carries you down the stairs and into the kitchen where he places you down on the kitchen island and closes the gap between the both of you, placing his lips back on yours quickly and much more demanding than the last few times.

He grins at you, a glimmer in his eye and he hums suggestively. “I’m right where you left me darling,” he winks, his accent lacing his words as you listen to him attentively.

After years of being with each other, it never stops getting exciting being with Jungkook. The warmth that was once in your tummy has spread all over, goosebumps now covering your skin. Being in his arms definitely feels like home; a sense of safety and security that you yearn for that only Jungkook can provide you.

Deepening the kiss, you push your tongue past the seam of his lips eagerly and let it tangle with his own. You both smile into the kiss as his grip on your waist tightens, pulling you closer to the edge of the marble island and further into his embrace.

You can’t help but whimper when you break the kiss in favour of leaning into his neck and kissing the skin there. You lick your lips and make sure to leave wet trails as you travel further down towards your desired target. You give the little mole on the side of his neck a sweet peck, over and over, the wet sounds of your mouth leaving his skin fills the space.

A small growl vibrates through Jungkook’s chest, his hold on you becoming slightly tighter as you continue to dote on him. It isn’t long before your kisses turn into soft bites and vigorous sucks, planting cherry shaded blossoms over the mole on his neck.

“_____,— mm, baby, am I not the one that is meant to be taking care of you tonight.. afterall you have just come back?” Jungkook moans.

Jungkook pulls away from you and stands taller to await your answer. Gazing into your eyes, you watch as his own eyes do that pretty thing where it smiles before Jungkook physically smiles. It’s your favourite trait he has.

“And who said that was the case, huh?” You jest with a light and teasing tone before continuing, “you’re taking care of me by letting me kiss my pretty husband. You’re taking care of me by letting me make you feel good.”

The only thing Jungkook can do in response is giggle, a light sanguine blush finding home on the apple of his full cheeks and you can’t help but wrap one of your hands around his neck and the other flat against the taut, hard muscle of his pectoral, caressing the skin back and forth before pulling him back in to chase his lips once more.

The kiss is unhurried, soft and gentle, yet with a hint of hunger for each other as the both of you take your time to enjoy being together once more. You bite Jungkook’s lower lip, drawing a shaky moan out of him as your teeth grazes his bottom lip and then letting it snap back into his smile pleasantly.

You can’t help but peck at the tiny mole under his lip and smile back at him, your silent way of telling him you love him. And then a thought pops into your head, one you know that Jungkook loves that you do.

Drawing Jungkook back in towards you, you press another little kiss to his bottom lip mole before travelling a little further down and kissing on the beauty spot just on top of his chin. You make a scene of it, letting out a loud ‘mwah’ sound as you continue to kiss away.

Moving on, you find the next two moles that are top and bottom of each other close to his ear and bathe them in love and affection just like you had done to the other two previous.

Jungkook loves when you’re soft and delicate with him. It isn’t something he would admit too to his group of friends but being dotted on, being cared for and loved admirably the way you do melts at his heart.

“Baby,” he whines as you tilt your head back slightly to plant a tiny kiss on the tip of his nose, your favourite place to kiss kiss kiss.

His hands slide under the fabric of your sweater, his hands warming your skin up more than the material did. “The last time we started off doing this,” he exaggerates his words by squeezing at your hips and then removing one of them to point towards the ceiling, “that happened,” he grins as fond memories of filthy kitchen antics replays in his mind.

His words ignite something inside of you akin to fireworks as he mentions your sleeping baby currently curled up in her cot. You react by wrapping your dangling legs back around his frame, pushing him further into you by your ankles as you heat up at his words and grin at him playfully.

“And what would be so wrong with that?”

Stunned, Jungkook doesn’t seem to know how to react to your words. It hasn’t been a topic of conversation about having another baby this soon, although you both have agreed that you both want a larger family.

“This soon?”

Now you ponder his words for a split second, already knowing your answer and already knowing that you want to start trying again for another baby as soon as you can. You lean in closer, your lips ghosting his as you close your eyes and breathe in your husband’s natural scent. “Take me to the dining table, koo.”

note2: don’t be a silent reader & leave some feedback in my asks, reblog with a nice comment or even a lil reply saying if you enjoyed — big or small, they go a long way! supporting writers is always important <33

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imagining-in-the-margins · 4 months

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New Beginnings CM Challenge 🌱

The following are prompts involving a new relationship, fresh start, etc.!

This event is over (Masterlist of Fics here), but you are welcome to use any of these prompts. If you would like to be added to the existing Masterlist of entries, please check out the Rules below!

🌧 Prompts 🌱

Describe Character's first day at the BAU

Character celebrates a milestone of sobriety

Characters are getting the hang of being new parents

Character goes overboard with New Year’s Resolutions

Character decides to try something new in the bedroom

Character is entering the dating scene after their divorce

Character changes career paths with a very different job

Character introduces their new partner to their kid

Character comes out as trans and introduces themselves

Character finally agrees to get set up with a date after a long dry spell

Character learns to navigate their everyday life after a traumatic event

Character escapes an abusive relationship and the recovery is harder than they thought

Character swears that this year they will definitely fulfill all their New Year's resolutions

Character just came out as LGB and goes on their first date with someone of the same sex

Character decides to cut off a member(s) of their family, and the team reminds them that they still have a whole lot of (found) family left

Character lost a partner and swore they would never love like that again... but that hasn't stopped them from falling in love in a different way

Character got a pet for the first time and they realize how much easier it is to take care of themselves when someone else is counting on them

Character had previously come out as something, but then realized they were something else... coming out is even more daunting the second time

More prompts below + Make your own!

🌤 Dialogue Prompts🌻

"The time will pass anyway." (Earl Nightingale)

"If you jump, I jump with you."

"I can't wait to see who you become."

"I love every possible iteration of you."

"To be brave, you must first be afraid." (Bear Grylls)

"You aren't alone in this. None of us are." (Baldur's Gate 3)

"Is it too late to go back?" "Don't you dare."

"This is all new to me." "What?" "Being happy."

"I don't know what I'm doing." "No one does. That's life."

"There are always a million reasons not to do something." (The Office)

🌒Character Specific Prompts🌲

Spencer's life after prison is nothing like before

Spencer decides to pursue his dream of being a cowboy/rancher

Spencer becomes dedicated to turning his life around after relapsing

Spencer doesn't think about Maeve on a special occasion for the first time

Hotch finally stops wearing his old wedding ring

Hotch embraces his role as a single dad

JJ's children are almost grown, and she struggles to reconnect with who she was before she was their mother

Penelope realizes she doesn’t like the person she’s become after leaving the BAU, so she decides to change

Lauren Reynolds died—it’s time Emily start acting like it

Rossi struggles with suddenly becoming a (grand)father

🍂Rules🍃

The fic can be a Reader insert, an Original Character, a character/character ship, a platonic ship, or a Gen fic. It can feature any Criminal Minds character. AUs and crossovers are more than welcome.

Tag me in the fic, or send the link to me in a Direct Message. It can be already written, or you can write it for the challenge - I’m collecting both! You can also tag it “#mentioningmargins” which is a tag I track.

The fic can be any genre, but ONLY send me smut if your bio states you are 18+. I DO NOT WANT smut written by minors. Ever. At all. I will check. Platonic ships and pure, fluffy fics are 100% allowed.

Please include Content Warnings and a one-sentence Summary of the fic in your post.

Have fun!

The Masterlist of fics will be posted around March 1. If you finish after that, no problem - just send me the fic once you’re done and I’ll add it after-the-fact!

Feel free to message me if you want help developing a plot, have any questions, or just want to gush about your fic. I’m happy to help, and I’m happy you’re here ❤️

Happy Writing!

#cm writing challenge #cm challenge #cm writing prompts #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid smut #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fanfiction

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gojos-thot-patrol · 10 months

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Good evening Dear Reader, it's been awhile, hasn't it? I've missed you so much! Don't worry darling, I don't return empty handed ;)

Now Presenting...

Starring: Ryomen Sukuna, in a modern day curse-less AU Summary: After being left at the alter by your less than magnificent fiance, you only have one thing on your mind: revenge sex. And who better to help you out than the man your ex hates the most.

Warning: This fic contains a gratuitous amount of smut, both praise and degradation, unprotected sex, face fucking, finger fucking, multiple orgasms, and is all wrapped up in a nice cream-pie. viewer discretion is advised ;)

Okay, admittedly, you may have had this coming. Everyone and his mother warned you about Satoru Gojo. About his womanizing ways, his commitment issues, his demanding job. Still, none of that mattered to you. You were convinced that you could fix him! That love would pull through. He’d realize that you meant more to him than being a playboy, and he’d settle down for you. You knew in your heart that you would have your fairytale ending with him.

Yea well turns out your hearts a dirty fucking liar. The weight of that realization was crashing down hard on you as you nursed a vodka sweet tea at what was supposed to be the reception for your wedding. You secretly vowed to never pick up another romance novel ever again. There’s not many things in this world more mortifying than being left at the altar. Maybe somebody pulling an “I told you so” right after you got left at the altar? That could be just as bad.

“I told you so,” Nanami said as he sat next to you, tie already undone. The groan that escaped your throat was a little more raw than you intended as you dropped your head into your arms. It was official; this was the most humiliating day of your life.

“Thanks Kento, that's actually exactly what I needed right now,” You muttered as you picked up your head long enough to finish your drink.

“Always happy to help.” He said, patting your back in what you were fairly confident was meant to be comforting. You sighed as you rubbed your face, not even caring if your makeup smudged anymore. You were sure at least your mascara was wrecked.

“I just don’t understand what I did wrong,” You admitted, turning to face the partying crowd, dancing the night away as if this wasn’t the worst night of your life. At least it was all on fuck faces dime. “I was the perfect fiance! I was loving without being suffocating, I supported him in everything he fucking did, I was faithful, shit man, we fucked constantly, it was like-”

“I don’t need to know the details, thanks.” Nanami said, quickly cutting you off before you put any images in his mind. He shook his head to expel any that had slipped in. “It’s nothing you did Y/n,” He assured you, “Gojo is just not the type to commit to a coffee order, let alone a marriage.” You shook your head, not wanting to accept it.

“I just wish I could find a way to hurt him like how he hurt me.” You muttered. You scanned the faces dancing in the crowd. You were shocked to see how many of his friends were still there. Nanami made sense, at some point he became more your friend than Satorus. But Suguru? That one didn’t make any sense. Unless it was to report back to Satoru what you were do-

Oh.

Oh, he was definitely here to make sure you were a fucking mess. He was here to report back to Gojo that you were indeed destroyed and were never going to get over him. No, No absolutely not, you were not going to let him have that.

“Y/n, are you listening?” Nanami asked. You absolutely were not.

“Uh huh, yea,” You nodded, scanning the crowd for a body to get under, “I’ll be sure to start investing tomorrow-”

“Nope, not even close to what I was saying.” Nanami groaned, rolling his eyes. He recognized that look on your face. “What are you scheming Y/n?” It was then your eyes landed on the perfect target- I mean hookup. Ryomen Sukuna, nursing a drink in the back of the venue, watching the party the way a lion watches a herd of gazelles. You never fully understood Satoru’s friendship with him, but you completely understood why he got the invite. The two were less close college friends, and more bitter rivals patiently waiting for the other's downfall. The two constantly had to one up and outdo each other, and you had no doubt in your mind his invitation was just another way to try and show off.

“So, Nanami, You still talk to Ryomen, right?” You asked, ignoring whatever he was saying before.

“I don’t like that you’re asking me that right now.”

“Oh, don’t be like that. I just want to know if he’s sing-”

“No.” Nanami said firmly, looking at you with the same eyes a father gives a child that keeps drawing on the walls.

“No he’s taken or no you won’t tell me if he is or not?” you asked, taking out a compact from your bag to check your makeup. It actually wasn’t that bad! Shout out to waterproof makeup!

“No, I’m not going to watch you make mistake after mistake. Ryomen is bad news. You think Gojo was bad? Well he’s ten times worse.” Nanami warned, looking into the crowd to see if he could find Ryomen lurking in it. He didn’t even know he was here! And if anyone would be down to make a bad situation worse, it was him.

“How does my ass look in this dress?” You asked. Satoru had picked it out because it was “danceable” for you. It wasn’t something you would have chosen for yourself, but you still felt like you rocked it.

“I’m not answering that question.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes in annoyance.

“You don’t have to, I know I look good.” You smiled and winked. The dress may not have been great on you, but it’s fine. Confidence is what's really attractive. You took a deep breath, then went to approach the unapproachable. Ryomen couldn’t have looked more disinterested if he tried, but the closer you got the more interesting he became. His black dress shirt hugged him just a little too tight, leaving very little to the imagination. He had his sleeves rolled up, tattoos on full display while he checked his watch. He looked up from it just in time to capture your eyes with his, intrigue and amusement igniting behind his scarlet irises.

“Hi Ryomen,” You smiled. You had been working on a loose outline of a script as you made your way to him, but now that you were next to him that script was about as good as your marriage was. And well, considering your marriage never actually happened..

“Hi Y/n. I’m surprised to see you here, honestly.” Ryomen had never been one to beat around the bush. You noticed his eyes fall to your cleavage.Oh good, he was willing to play ball.

“Why are you surprised? It’s my party.” You smiled, resting next to him against the wall.

“I don’t know many people that would want to go to the reception after getting so publicly dumped.” He said. Ouch, ok that was uncalled for. You hoped the sting didn’t show on your face. If it did it didn’t phase him.

“Hey, the party was paid for,” You shrugged, “No use letting a perfectly good open bar go to waste, especially when I’m not paying for it.” You grinned. You had successfully earned yourself a smirk from Sukuna, and a point for the home team.

“I’ll drink to that,” He laughed, “Want me to grab you something?” The ball was in your court, quick, be clever!

“A drink actually sounds great right now. How about a Sex on the Beach?” You smirked.

“Ooo, I don’t think they’re serving those. How about I give you a Screaming Orgasm instead?” He smirked back.

“Hmm, I don’t know, I may need a Leg Spreader before that.” You hummed, giggling for the first time all night. He nodded,

“Got it, a Blowjob for me and a Leg Spreader for you. I’ll be right back.” he nodded, walking off. The thought of Ryomen trying to take a blowjob shot, hunched over the glass and trying to drink the liquid without using his hands, genuinely made you laugh a little. You found an empty table nearby to take up residence at, and contemplate if you really wanted to do this. Your relationship was in the gutter, there was no getting around that. Being left at the altar was the kind of blow you can’t just come back from.

But you didn’t have to fuck his friends (enemy?). Doing this was most definitely an act of war. Whether you were actively together or not, Gojo was extremely territorial of you. You knew that was why Suguru was here; to make sure you didn’t jump into a rebound. If he found out you slept with Ryomen Sukuna of all people on your (almost) wedding night of all days, that would eat him alive from the inside out. There would be hell to pay for sure.

Good. You reminded yourself that you didn’t ask for this fight, but you would win it. You smiled as Ryomen returned with two drinks: a whiskey neat for him and a drink that looked more akin to chocolate milk with whip cream for you.

“Gotta say; looking a bartender in the eye and asking for a ‘screaming orgasm’ will never not be funny.” He joked, handing you your drink and sitting across from you.

“Yea, why are so many drinks named like that? It’s weird, right?” You asked, tilting your head in genuine confusion.

“All bartenders are secretly nymphomaniacs,” He said with enough confidence you were almost convinced that was a real requirement to make drinks. “You’d know that if you slept with more.” and he said that as if it was some moral failing on your part that you had not slept with an adequate number of bartenders. It made you laugh.

“Oh, my mistake you’re right. I’ll fix that right now,” You bluffed. He raised an eyebrow and gestured to the bar.

“Be my guest.” He offered, calling out the aforementioned bluff.

“Oh, but that means I’d have to leave my guest alone, and that’s just bad hosting.” You faux pouted. He shrugged.

“Oh, I wouldn’t be alone for very long.” He smirked at you from behind his glass before taking a drink. You wanted to call him out on his bluff, but, you knew he wasn’t bluffing. Satoru had dragged you to enough social events with Sukuna to know that he rarely went home alone. You decided to go with a different strategy.

“Well, what if I told you I had my sights set on a better prize for tonight?” You asked, batting your eyes and bringing your arms together to emphasize your chest. Sukuna gave a dark grin, seeing right through you.

“I’d say good choice,” he winked, “especially for what you’re trying to do.” Welp, you didn't have anything planned for that comment. You blinked at him

“What do you mean?” You asked, playing dumb.

“Come on Y/n, I’d hope you’d give me more credit than this. You got stood up at the altar by your asshole, hopefully ex, fiance, and now you want to fuck the guy he hates more than just about anything else to get back at him. It’s a solid plan honestly, and luckily for you, I’ve had my eyes on you since the first time Satoru brought you around.” He was making eye contact with you. The fire in his crimson eyes danced with mirth and hedonistic intent. You realized this was probably why Sukuna had even bothered to show up to the reception. He had your plan before you even did.

Before you could respond, you were startled by a heavy hand on your shoulder. “Hey Y/n, how you holding up?” You looked up to see Sugurus' gentle smile. It didn’t reach his eyes. His eyes held nothing but steel and mild resentment. He always looked at you like that. You moved your shoulder from under his hand.

“I’m fine Sug, thanks for asking.” You muttered, taking a long sip of your drink. ‘Don’t sit down, don’t sit down, don’t sit down,’ played in your mind on repeat.

“Of course, Y/n. It’s the least I could do.” He said, sitting down. ‘Fuck!’ “I know this must be hard for you.”

“Actually, You’d be surprised.” You said, getting your nerves back together. This was Gojos' spy. You couldn't let him see you falter. “I’m just ready to be over it.”

“You know what they say; the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody.” Ryomen chuckled as he finished his drink. Suguru glared at him.

“Yea, I never liked that advice.” He said, venom lacing its way into his words as he shot daggers at Sukuna with his eyes. He turned back to you, “It’s always sounded like a good way to make your situation worse.” Was that a threat?

“I mean, You never know until you try.” You challenged.

“I disagree.” Suguru warned. You brushed him off.

“Well, If that’s how you feel, so be it. Do me a favor?” You asked, looking at him with your best doe eyes.

“Of course, anything.” He said, plastering back on that fake sympathetic smile.

“Watch my drink for me,” you said, standing up and taking Sukunas’ hand, “Ryomen and I were just about to dance.” You grinned. Ryomen returned your grin ten fold, laughing as he followed you to the dance floor, leaving an almost visibly confused and quite frankly offended Suguru to seeth at the table. Last time you looked back, he had taken out his phone and was furiously typing on it. Good.

“I knew I liked you.” Ryomen whispered into your ear as the two of you made it to the dance floor.

“Try to keep up with me.” You whispered back. You let the music flow through you, taking a few seconds to find your rhythm before moving your body in time with the music. Ryomen to his credit didn’t miss a beat, dancing not only to the beat, but in harmony with your own body as well.

As the music played the two of you became more acquainted with each other's moves and dance styles. You thought you would switch it up on him, going in to grind. He didn’t falter for a second, placing a hand on your hip and matching your pace. You expected a lot of things from this exchange, but the electric pulse his touch sent through your body was not one of them.

“Am I keeping up with you?” Ryomen mumbled into your ear, the sound of his rough voice sent waves of heat through you and directly to your core. You spun around to face him, realizing that now he was within kissing distance.

“You’re doin’ well enough,”' you purred to him, running a hand over his chest and god damn. It should be illegal to be that well built. Between the tight shirt and your own sense of touch, you felt like you had a pretty good idea of what he looked like without that shirt on. Still, you desperately wanted to confirm your theory.

“What do you say we get out of here?” Ryomen asked, almost as if he could read your mind.

“I say that's a pretty good idea,” You nodded as the two of you left the dance floor. He wrapped his arm around your waist as he led you to the exit, and you slipped your hand into his back pocket. You really hoped Suguru had a clear view of this. ‘Eat your goddamn heart out Gojo’ You thought maybe just a bit too smugly as you found your way outside, and he gave his ticket to the valet boy.

You took a deep breath of the cool night air, trying to ground yourself back into reality. It didn’t feel quite real yet. Your almost four year relationship had just barely ended, and already you were hopping into bed with someone you knew was bad news. Nanami wasn’t joking when he said Sukuna was just Gojo ten fold. In the four years you’d known him, you had watched him lay waste to more hearts than you cared to keep track of. You just hoped you weren’t next.

All doubts evaporated like water in Texas when Sukuna approached you again. He had unbuttoned three of his shirt buttons, showing off hints that his tattoos didn’t stop at his face and arms. A cigarette dangled loosely from his lips. He removed it long enough to exhale smoke as he approached.

“Valets on the way.” He informed you. You willed your brain to think of anything other than Ryomen naked long enough to nod.

“Good to hear.” You nodded. You had a whole new set of anxieties now. You knew Ryomen had a lot of experience. What if you didn’t measure up? Apparently, your nerves were evident in your features. You caught a smug smile from the pink haired man next to you.

“You nervous?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Me?” You chuckled to hide the fact that yes, you indeed were. “I’ve got nothing to be nervous about Ryomen.”

“Hmm, Well see about that.” He smirked. Before you had time to ask what the fuck that ment, a far prettier car than you were expecting pulled up. A gorgeous, 1957 Ford Thunderbird, with a beautiful cherry red paint job and, from what you could tell, a black leather interior. You knew that all of Gojos' friends were just as loaded as he was, the fact he had a nice car wasn't a surprise. But you had expected a Bently or a Lambo. Not a classic bombshell.

“You have a T-bird?!” you scoffed in disbelief. He laughed and nodded.

“You like her?” He asked, beaming with pride as he tipped the valet. “I fixed her up myself.” He added, opening the door for you. You slipped into the soft leather seat, and a few seconds later he joined you.

“I never pegged you as a car guy.”

“You’ve never pegged me at all.” He grinned, laughing at his own joke.

“Wow, you’re so funny you know that?” You scoffed, dripping in sarcasm. Despite that, you were giggling softly to yourself.

“Oh, I’m the funniest. You’d know that if you didn’t have your head up Satorus ass for four years.” He scoffed, shaking his head as if he still couldn’t believe that relationship lasted as long as it did. You shrugged softly, not really having a come back for that one.

“What can I say?” You shrugged, “The dick was just that good.” If you had thought you had heard a full hearty laugh from Sukuna before, you hadn’t. You realized that as he fell into near hysterics over that comment. And, despite yourself, the sound was warm and infectious, making you laugh along with him.

“God, was he your first? That’s the only way I could see anyone thinking Gojo was good at sex, god.” He laughed, taking a drag off his cigarette before dangling it out of the window again.. You raised an eyebrow at that.

“And just how would you know? You get a little close and personal with our boy?” You said, wiggling your eyebrows at him. He was laughing, warm and hearty, again.

“Good God no!”He shook his head, “Some of us have standards! No, I don’t have any personal experience with him. But he brags all the time. Or, really, he thinks he brags. In reality, He talks about how bad he is at sex and we all just kinda nod and laugh at him behind his back.”

“Wait, He hasn’t talked to you guys about what happens in our bedroom, has he?!” You asked, a new wave of betrayal overtaking you. Ryomen just gave you a look and you knew the answer.

“Right, forget I asked.” You muttered.

“Don’t worry Doll,” He assured you, placing a hand on your thigh. You thought your heart might explode at his warm touch. “After tonight, all of his bullshit will just seem like a fucked up nightmare.” You hoped he was right.

💒💒💒

You were beginning to doubt your decision to bring him to your apartment instead of going to his. It’s not that you were ashamed of where you lived, on the contrary, you knew you had a beautiful residence. The shame came from the fact that this was technically still your shared dwelling with Satoru, and evidence of him still lingered in every corner of this apartment. His things were still here, which shouldn’t have been surprising really, but you were less ready to face it than you thought.

The good news was Ryomen gave you exactly no time to start to miss your ex. His mouth was on yours almost the moment the two of you were in the door, pulling you close and taking your breath away in a needy kiss. You moaned softly into him, tangling your fingers into his soft pink hair, getting drunk on the scent of pine needles and Marlboro cigarettes.

He kissed his way from your lips, to your jaw, all the way down to the base of your neck, leaving a trail of purple bruises in his wake. “Bedroom is-”

“I know.” He cut you off. You realized two things at that moment. 1.Sukuna had been to your house before, no doubt with Gojo. and 2. That he had been leading you to the bedroom the whole time. He fumbled for all of two seconds with the door before getting it open, ushering you in and all but pushing you onto the bed. It was in that moment that it hit you just how much bigger than you Sukuna was. 6’4 and made out of pure muscle, he could have truly hurt you if he wanted.

You would think this would kill the mood a bit but quite the opposite actually. You pressed your thighs together to try and distract yourself from the almost uncomfortable amount of arousal pooling between them. Ryomen notably did not like this, moving to cage you onto the bed. “Come on Y/n, Don’t get shy on me now,” He purred as his hand moved down your body, “We just started having fun.”

You bit your lip as you began to melt under his electric touch. You watched as his hand disappeared under your dress. You bit your lip as you felt his fingers brush against the translucent spot on your panties. Your breath hitched and his smirk only grew.

“Is all of this for me, Doll?” He asked, teasing you through the fabric. You felt your hips unintentionally buck, trying desperately to make more friction. You nodded, maybe a little bit too aggressively for your taste, but it just seemed to encourage him. He chuckled, low and deep in his chest. “Thought so.” He muttered, moving your panties to the side and running one of his thick fingers up your folds, gathering the natural slick forming.

His eyes seemed to glow in the dim moonlight filling the room, taking in even your smallest reaction as he teased you. You whimpered softly at his touch. His gaze held yours firm as his fingers finally made contact with your clit. It was slow at first, sending soft pulses of pleasure through you. He built up a steady pace, applying more pressure and speed as your reactions demanded it. You whined needily, digging your freshly manicured claws into his shoulder blades.

“Ryomen..” You moaned. His name sounded so much prettier falling from your lips than he ever imagined. And he had imagined it.

“Say it again.” He encouraged, applying more pressure to your clit to make you squirm. His free hand found your hips, firmly pressing you into the mattress to keep you still.

“Ryomen, please..” You whimpered, “I need more, please..”

“What’s your rush?” He asked, a finger slipping down to tease at your weeping cunt. “We’ve got all night princess, and I’ve waited for this for too long to rush it.” He chuckled darkly, though he did grant your wish, slipping one of his fingers into you. He curled the long thick digit up, gracing your ever elusive (to Satoru) g-spot. You saw white hot, waves of fiery pleasure coursing through your core. You dug your claws even deeper into his back. He hoped the crescent moons of your nails would still be there in the morning.

“Fuck, fuck! Ryo..” You moaned, losing yourself in the endorphins. He was persistent in the massaging of the soft part inside of you, and tension was quickly mounting.

“Ryo?” He all but laughed, “That's new. I think I like it from you though.” He muttered, adding another finger into the mix. Your body tensed, both not ready for and more than excited to accept the intrusion. Your cunt clenched around his fingers as the tensions built inside of you. The string that had been tangling itself in your stomach was ready to snap, as were you.

Your eyes screwed shut as you braced for your release, only to feel his hand move from your hip to your jaw, his nails digging into your skin just enough to get your attention. “Don’t close your eyes.” Ryomen growled, and you obeyed. “You fucking look at me. I want you to know who made you feel this good.” you whined at his words, but maintained eye contact with him. His blood red gaze was intense, molting hot even. If the inferno in your veins didn’t burn you alive, the incinerator behind his eyes surely would.

“Ryo, I’m so close.” You whined out. You were hit with wave after wave of bliss. Your body reacted to every stroke of his fingers inside of you, and the whirlwind was picking up.

“Oh yea?” He muttered, with an intense focus that could almost be mistaken for disinterest. “Then cum for me Princess.” It didn’t take long after that. Three more passes from his expert fingers at most before you were overcome with euphoria. Fireworks pulsed through your core, making you far too hot and very sensitive all at once. All the while, Sukuna was finger fucking you through your high, watching as your face contorted with bliss.

As you came down, you watched him slowly slip his fingers out of your sobbing cunt and into his mouth. He made the most obscene show of sucking his fingers clean, removing them after with a loud pop.

“You taste so fucking sweet,” He praised, taking your hand and helping you stand up, “Come on, you’re too pretty to be in this ugly dress.”

“Hey!” You protested, “The dress isn’t that bad!”

“Yes it is.” He said, annoyance quickly mounting as he saw it was a button up back. “It hides you more than it compliments you.”

“Well that doesn’t-Ryomen!” You snapped at him as he ripped the back open, deciding that the buttons weren’t worth the time. “This dress is Fucking Expensive!”

“Invoice me for it then,” he scoffed, turning you around to face him. He dropped the dress from your shoulders. “There you are,” He hummed, smiling as he pulled you into a fierce kiss. The anger that you held for him ruining the dress quickly dissipated as you melted into his warmth. Fuck it, he was right. It was an ugly fucking dress.

He slipped his tongue into your mouth, deepening the kiss and pulling you impossibly close. Your hands started to wander. You thought back to his tattoos, wondering about just where exactly they stopped. You found your way to the noticeable tent in his dress pants, grinding your palm against it and earning a deep groan from him. The sound went straight to your core, and suddenly it was the only thing you wanted to hear.

You fumbled with his belt, trying to get it undone while also focusing on your kiss. You didn’t get very far though before Ryomen brushed your hands away. He mumbled a soft ‘Fucks sake,’ before just undoing it himself, taking care of his button and zipper while he was at it. You were on your knees before he was finished, earning a smile and nod of approval.

“Well look at you Doll, pretty and smart.” He praised. You swallowed the air in your throat before reaching up to take him out. He sighed in relief once his cock wasn’t constrained anymore, and you bit your lip hard. If you were being honest, You had imagined Sukuna before. Late at night when your fiance was surly out with another woman, you found solace in daydreaming about what his rival's dick would be like. You had not imagined this.

He was long and thick, almost intimidatingly so. Even at your most generous, you hadn’t imagined this. The tattoos also admittedly caught you off guard, the two black bands around his base standing out against his pale skin. But it worked for you.

“Like what you see?” Ryomen smirked, never one to be shy. You felt embarrassment set a fire in your chest, despite the face you just looked him in the eyes while he finger fucked you into oblivion. Still, you nodded.

“Pretty cock.” Why was that what you thought to say!?

“Thanks, grew it myself.” He chuckled, his fingers falling to the back of your head, “I think it would look even prettier in your mouth though.” You didn’t need to be told twice. You licked your lips, wrapping your fingers around his base. You gave him a few experiential strokes, before taking the head into your mouth. Your tongue swirled around him, eliciting a growl.

“Don’t fucking tease me Y/n.” He warned darkly. You decided to ignore his very clear warning, licking along one of his more prominent veins. You kissed the tip again, opening your mouth to try and suck on just the head again. That didn’t slide this time though, as Sukuna sunk his nails into your scalp and pushed you the rest of the way down his length. You gagged around him, drawing a satisfied moan from him as he fucked your throat.

You scrambled for a few seconds before finding your rhythm. Breathe through your nose, relax your throat, and in no time you were taking him like a champ. You looked up and felt your cunt clench at the sight before you. Ryomens head was thrown back, strands of hair sweat stuck to his forehead, and his eyes twisted shut in bliss. The dim lunar light casted an angelic halo on the sinful scene, and you wondered why you had’t fucked him sooner.

“God, you feel so good.” He breathed out, “Satorus’ a goddamn moron for giving this up.” You weren’t sure if that was directed at you or not, but he was right, and you hummed your approval of the statement. You watched his jaw tighten as the vibrations ripped through him, followed by him pulling you off of his dick. He pulled you up and pushed you onto the bed, quickly crawling on top of you. He didn’t go to even part of that reception just to cum down your throat. He wanted everything you had to offer. You spread your legs for him as his fingers made their way back to your still dripping pussy. He started to work you open again, catching you in yet another passionate kiss. Satoru never kissed you like this.

“You’re fucking soaked still.” Ryomen noted, easily working you open for him. “Think you’re ready for me Doll?” You hummed your response, mentally preparing for this. He tsked at you. “With your words.” He said, the edge in his voice cutting through your brain fog.

“Yes.” You nodded, licking your dry lips.

“Yes what?” His annoyance was getting more evident.

“Yes, I’m ready for you.” You whimpered. He finally nodded his approval.

“Good girl.” He said, before slowly pushing in. No matter how wet you were, you couldn’t have prepared yourself for this. You felt yourself being ripped apart at the seams, your cunt molding itself to him to accommodate. You took in a sharp breath as he let out a jagged one, hips faltering for just a second as he paused to let you adjust.

“Jesus fucking christ you’re tight.” He groaned, getting lost in the way your velvety walls clenched around him and tried to pull him in further. You whined out in response.

“Ryo, I don’t think I can fit it all..” You admitted almost shamefully.

“You can.” He assured you, pushing even further in, “You’re doing so good Princess.” You bit back a squeal, suddenly wanting nothing more than to make him proud. You let out an embarrassing moan as he finally pushed all the way in, but that's ok because he did too. For all the nights that he spent fucking his hand to the thought of you, nothing could have prepared him for how good you actually felt.

He stilled for a minute, giving you time to fully adjust to his size. You took a deep breath, then nodded. “Ok, I’m ready..” You muttered. He chuckled darkly.

“Ready for what Doll?” He asked. You groaned, tired of his bullshit.

“Come on Ryo, please. You know what I want!” you whined.

“I do.” He confirmed, “And I want you to beg for it.”

“Ryomen please!” you begged him, “Please, I need you to move. I need you to fuck me until I can’t think anymore, I want to feel you ruin me. Make me your whore, please, I want to be destroyed.” GOD Ryomen was lucky he didn’t cum right then and there. That was so much hotter than he thought it would be, and you could feel his dick twitch inside you.

“If you insist.” He said, setting a brutal pace right off the bat and making you scream. “I’m going to mold this cunt to me, and me alone.” He growled into your ear, “When I’m done with you, I’m going to be the only man you’ll ever want again. No one will make you feel this good again.” He was probably right. The curve of his dick put it at the perfect angle to continuously massage your g-spot, overriding the slight discomfort of him fucking your cervix. He stretched you out so beautifully, you couldn’t imagine anyone else ever making you feel this full ever again.

“Tell me, Does he fuck you like this?” he asked, tangling his fingers into your hair to force you to look at him again. “Like the dirty whore you are?” you tried to shake your head no, but his grip was too tight.

“No, not nearly as good.” You whimpered, getting lost in the inferno of desire and pleasure that was overtaking you. Every thrust sent another shock wave of euphoria through you, the waves of bliss threatening to over take you with every roll of his hips.

“Fuck, do you know how long I’ve wanted to wreck this pussy?” You growled into your ear, “Ever since that motherfucker first brought you round us. Showing you off in that tight little skirt, flaunting you around like a brand new toy. I’ve thought of you every night since.” He said, folding you in half and wrapping your legs around his shoulders. The new angle let him sink even deeper into you, sending a new intense wave of ecstasy coursing through your veins and making you see stars.

“Four years is a long time to wait for something,” He mumbled, “But fuck me you’re so worth it. So much fucking better than my hand, or those bitches I’d pretend were you. Never been more thankful for that idiots' mistakes.” He laughed. You weren’t listening. You were driving at 140 miles per hour straight off a cliff and into a grave of dopamine and bliss. Your cunt clenched and wept around him, your orgasm coming faster than you wanted it to.

“Ryomen, I’m so fucking close.” You whined, nearing the edge of the cliff.

“I know,” He huffed. He could feel it in the way you trembled around him, “Want you to come all over my cock. Come on, make a mess, pretty girl.” He purred, fingers finding your clit and massaging expert circles into it. That was it, the extra pleasure sending you over the edge. You felt like your soul left your body as stars exploded over your eyes. Your blood filled with euphoria, dopamine, and oxytocin. You felt your body stiffen and convulse around him as you were hit with wave after wave of pleasure.

The way your cunt grabbed him like a vice, pulling him impossibly deeper, coupled with the intoxicating look on your face as you came brought him to his climax. He couldn't have pulled out if he wanted to (Is what he told himself) as he came deep inside you, overflowing your cunt and dripping onto the sheets. Everything stilled for the seconds that followed, both of you desperately trying to catch your breath.

He pulled out finally. He managed to roll to the side before he crumbled, collapsing next to you instead of on top of you. “Holy fuck,” He breathed out, basking in the afterglow with you.

“Holy fuck indeed.” You nodded, not knowing what else to really say. Gojos' sheets were definitely ruined.

“And you mean to tell me he left you at the fucking altar?” Ryomen laughed in disbelief. “Talk about a fumble.”

“Well, to be fair, it’s never that good with him.” You admitted. You looked over to see Ryomens victorious grin.

“I believe that.” He muttered. Habit overtook you as you moved into the arms of your lover, resting your head on his chest to listen to his racing heart slowly return to normal. He didn’t move away, wrapping his arm around you instead. He kissed the top of your head. It was by far the most gentle act of the night.

💒💒💒

Ryomen was gone when you woke up. You weren’t surprised, but you did find yourself disappointed, much to your further dismay. You weren’t expecting breakfast in bed or anything, but you were hoping he’d at least stick around long enough for a goodbye. Oh well, you knew what you were getting into when you decided to fuck him. And honestly, the last thing you needed right now was another playboy to fuck around with your heart.

You checked your phone and actually laughed. 12 missed calls and far too many texts, all from Gojo. It must have gotten back to him that you went home with Ryomen last night, and he was running himself ragged trying to “fix” his mistake. As if he could fix it. You deleted the voicemails along with the messages without reading them. You were about to put down your phone when a specific notification caught your eye. New Message, Sukuna. Never one to learn, you opened it immediately.

Good morning beautiful. Sorry I left so early, work called. I’ll see you soon though ;)

The sound that left you was truly embarrassing, but you didn’t care. You were ready to make a New Mistake.

#ryomen sukuna #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #ryomen sukuna smut #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna x reader smut #ryomen sukuna x reader smut #curseless au #slight satoru slander #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk smut #fem reader #sukuna x fem reader

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feelbokkie · 3 months

Text

Let’s Fall in Love, IRL | Chapter 20 (end)

pairing: Jisung x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, Pen pals to lovers, friend of a friend to lovers

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of food, depictions of eating, depicitons of a panic attack

summary: When she was a child, L/n Y/n was in a horrible accident that left her face disfigured. After getting bullied relentlessly by her classmates for her appearance, Y/n escaped to the digital world where she meets Felix. Now an adult, Y/n has be come a complete social recluse, only talking to her 4 childhood best friends and roommates and her only friends. When Felix goes AFK one day in the middle of a game, Felix’s roommates decides to step in. Is this the start a new relationship or will Y/n’s crippling social anxiety get in the way?

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 7,165

screenshot count: 21

a/n: let's go out with a bang

previous | masterlist

"We can go home if you changed your mind. Just turn the car right around." Changbin suggests from the passenger seat.

"This is exactly why you're not driving the car, Bin." You hear Chan whisper.

"So you would force her to go in if she changed her mind?" Changbin says a little too loud.

You're sitting the the back seat of the car, wedged between Hyunjin and Seungmin. Inuyasha lays across each of your laps with his head in Seungmin's. You're parked in front of the restaurant Jisung told you to come to tonight.

The drive wasn't too long, but it was filled with hushed bickering, much of which Chan tried to drown out with music. Seungmin tried to keep your mind preoccupied with random conversation topics or poking extra fun at Changbin while Hyunjin's hand hasn't left the top of your head.

"Y/n, you must be nervous to meet Felix in person for the first time too," Seungmin says quietly as he rests his head on your shoulder.

"Now she's never leaving this car," Changbin whispers under his breath.

"Why would you say that, Seungmin?" Chan groans, leaning his head against the headrest

"Hey, Seungmin, did your parents give you brain damage when they were smacking you around by any chance?" Hyunjin sighs.

"Hyunjin," Chan warns.

"Yeah, probably. But I'm still smarter than you." Seungmin shoots back calmly.

Oddly enough, you're not nervous to meet Felix in person for the first time. Maybe it's because you've known Felix for years. Maybe it's because when you showed Felix your face for the first time, all he did was give you a bright smile and a soft, "Is that all?" And somehow, those three words comforted you so much that you spent the first 30 minutes of the call crying. Which, of course, made Felix cry. That somehow, you knew right then and there that Felix is someone you can keep in your small circle. And if Felix is vouching for Jisung, then maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.

"None of that tonight," You let out the breath that you've been holding the entire week while you undo your seatbelt. "The orphan talk might make them uncomfortable because they won't know whether to laugh or cry. And Felix is already sensitive."

"What am I supposed to talk about then?" Seungmin whines as he moves to take off his seatbelt too.

"Oh, so we're doing this. Okay," Hyunjin hesitantly takes off his seatbelt.

"Just use that dazzling personality of yours," Chan suggests as he looks into the rearview mirror, his eyes settling on you.

"That's my entire personality. I've got nothing else. It's like if I poke out Y/n's good eye." Seungmin pouts, leaning back in his seat.

"Seungmin, please do not touch me or my eye."

"I...don't...think you can compare not being able to joke about our upbringing to being completely blind." Hyunjin finally opens his door.

"Yes I can, it's my sixth sense." Seungmin opens his door, letting Inuyasha out of the car before following suit.

"If you want something to talk about tonight, we can talk about the fact that we technically have a stepmom." Changbin huffs before exiting the car.

It's been an issue for the last few days. You mentioned to Seungmin that Chan has a girlfriend and of course, he would not let it rest. He went out of his way to wake both Hyunjin and Changbin from a dead sleep to tell them. The night ended with all three of them yelling at Chan and huffing off to their rooms. They still haven't moved on from it, despite Chan's long explanation at breakfast the next morning. Even you're a little hurt by the fact that he kept it a secret for so long. You know he mostly kept it to himself because of his abandonment issues, but three years is still a bit much.

"First of all, we're not married. Secondly, I explained to you why I didn't tell you guys. Finally, I apologized," Chan quickly shuts off the car and follows the rest of the guys outside.

And just like that, you're left alone in the car. You can feel every blood cell moving along your body as you stare at the restaurant. Except for Jisung, Felix, and their other two roommates, the building is empty. They promised you that much. Both of them reassured you that you wouldn't have to worry about other people the whole night. They rented out the entire restaurant for the night. They told you that their roommate is a chef who will take care of your meal while their other roommate will work as a waiter. Felix even let you meet the other two roommates, whose names escape you right now, during one of your calls to make you feel at ease.

But Jisung is in there.

Somehow, that's more terrifying than if you were going to a crowded restaurant. At least you know that the other patrons would be mostly focused on their meals to pay you any attention. But with this dinner, all the attention would be on you. All of Jisung's attention.

"Did you change your mind?" Seungmin asks bluntly as he sticks his head back in the car.

"N-no," You clear your throat before taking one more deep breath, "Let's go."

***

Somehow, Felix's voice is deeper in person. At least, that's the second thing you noticed. The first, he's taller than you imagined. Maybe because you're used to seeing him through a computer screen, you thought he would be shorter. But he's practically the same height as Chan and Jisung, if not just barely taller. Still, Seungmin and Hyunjin stand above him, making him as small as you've imagined him.

Felix was the first to greet you, running out of the restaurant to hug you. And then, after greeting Chan and your brothers, he whisked you away to some private section of the restaurant where the two of you caught up.

Now that you think about it, he must have done that to ease your nerves. Because now, as you sit across the table from Jisung, you seem to be hit with an overwhelming wave of anxiety. Chan is off in the kitchen helping Minho, a name that Felix reminded you of while you were talking earlier. Like the car ride over to the restaurant, Hyunjin and Seungmin are on either side of you while Inuyasha is spread across Changbin and Hyunjin's laps while he rests his head on you.

Please don't bark.

Seungmin and Felix are deeply engaged in a conversation about...something. You're not entirely sure what they started talking about or when they even started their conversation. Your mind is too preoccupied with other things. Like trying to keep your breathing level while playing with Inuyasha's fur.

But you're acutely aware of everything, everywhere, all at once. The way the fabric of your jeans is rubbing against your legs. And there is a string in your sock that unraveled so much that it's wrapped itself around your pinky toe. You're certain it'll cut off circulation any second. And there is a singular strand of hair that you swear is a needle that is stabbing your face. And all the microfibers of your face mask are rubbing against your face while you breathe. You're certain your face is red from irritation. And your palms are so sweaty, it feels more like you're using Innie as a towel than for comfort. And how the fibers of your sweater feel too scratchy against your back—

For the love of god, calm the fuck down.

But how can you? Jisung is less than six feet away from you. He was less than a foot away from you last time when--

Do not think about that now.

"Here's some water," Jeongin, the name you did remember because his nickname had been the butt of many jokes over video chats, says as he comes up behind you, balancing a tray with water on it. He places one cup at Chan's empty seat next to Seungmin before passing the rest out.

"Wow, In-ah, you didn't drop one," Jisung teases, finally speaking for the first time tonight.

Ba...badum

Inuyasha lifts his head, looking directly at you as your heart skips a beat. You squeeze your eyes shut as you gently pet his head back down.

"I've been practicing," He smirks as he places the last cup in front of Changbin. "Plus, Lino hyung said he's going to fine me if I break anything tonight."

"So you're not going to have your half of the rent this month?" Felix asks, smirking in amusement.

Jeongin's mouth pulls into a tight smile, his eyes turning into two little half-moons as he tilts his head. "Just for that, I'm going to make sure I drop your plate, hyung."

“Cute and scary at the same time. Reminds me of when Y/n gets mad.” Hyun coos at the younger boy.

“Y/n? Mad?” A smile that would make the Cheshire cat jealous spreads across Felix's face. Almost like his new mission in life is to piss you off.

“Yeah, I mean it’s kind of scary because she never gets mad but at the same time it’s cute. She’ll just start swearing up a storm, using swear words that none of us were aware that she even knew. And then she makes this face...kinda like that,” Changbin points to you. Just as Felix and Jisung turn their attention to you, you relax your face.

“That might be my fault," Felix says, grinning sheepishly as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Get better at gaming and you won’t be mad all the time.” Han deadpans.

You can't help but chuckle at that comment. Jisung's attention is back on you, blinking as he’s taken aback by your sudden reaction. His blinks are as long and slow as the smile that’s crossing his face. His mouth is slightly parted with just a hint of his teeth sticking out beneath his top lip. A tender smile that’s so simple and yet, somehow so contagious, you can’t help the small grin that appears on your face. You’ve never been more thankful for your mask.

“But she doesn’t stay mad for long and doesn’t hold a grudge,” Seungmin adjusts himself in his seat, just barely turning his back towards you as he leans into Felix and Jisung.“Unlike Hyunjin,”

“Excuse me? You refused to talk to me for three entire months once! Only referred to me as ‘that guy’ or ‘that thing’ whenever you had to talk about me.” Hyunjin stares at Seungmin, who you now realize turned his back towards Hyunjin and not you, in disbelief. His jaw slack and eyes wide as he fights the urge to start another argument with Seungmin.

Seungmin smirks as he leans back into his chair, amused by Hyunjin’s sudden annoyance. “Did I? Oh well, you must have deserved it.”

"He definitely remembers and is pretending not to.” Changbin waved off, trying to distract Hyunjin.

“Yang Jeongin!”

“Oh shit,” Jeongin mutters under his breath as he quickly retreats to the kitchen, nearly knocking over a plant in the process.

You look around the restaurant, taking in the atmosphere. It’s not a big restaurant. It’s more of a hole-in-the-wall barbecue restaurant that happens to be popular. It’s a bit cramped with only eight tables. Each table is situated with its own grill, except for the table that you’re sitting at which has two. You can only imagine how hot when the restaurant is packed. You’re already feeling a bit warm from the grill in front of you being on. Still, you’re excited to actually be out to eat barbecue. You can’t remember the last time you went out and ate at a restaurant. Was it Chan’s university graduation or Changbin’s fire academy competition ceremony? It was some sort of celebration. Maybe a birthday? You’re not entirely sure, you were too anxious to even eat properly that night, let alone remember why you were there. Inuyasha wasn’t properly trained yet so he came along but wasn’t much help.

The restaurant is similar. A few plants to offset the reds and browns from the exposed brick walls. Low lights and kitchen vents hang over the cool, wooden tables. The wood tables at barbecue restaurants never made sense to you. With an open stove in the middle, it always seemed more like a safety issue. No matter how many times Changbin tries to explain it to you, you will never fully understand.

“Make way,” Minho says as he, Jeongin, and Chan walk into the dining area holding plates of raw meat, vegetables, and side dishes. They bring enough out for both sides of the table.

You’re not sure how expensive all of this is. You know it couldn’t have been cheap. You tried to get Felix to tell you something earlier so you could pay them back. He insisted that it was practically free. The owners of the restaurant owed Minho a favor. Still, you aren’t entirely convinced.

“Innie, time to get off my lap,” You pat Inuyasha’s head as Jeongin lights the grill on your side of the table. Inuyasha hops off your lap and sits between you and Hyunjin.

“I’m…not in your lap?” Jeongin freezes, his face turning pale.

“She’s talking to her dog,” Chan explains, laughing at the younger man’s confusion.

“Oh that’s going to get confusing, isn’t it?” Minho asks as he sets up the food at his side of the table.

“Hm,” Han hums as he scoots his chair back in, “how about we call them Innie and Human Innie?”

“Hey, why am I ‘Human’ Innie? Why can’t I just be Innie? He’s a dog!” Jeongin whines as he takes his seat between Minho and Felix.

Everyone, excluding you, can’t help but laugh at Jeongin’s distress as he pouts. Even though everyone else laughs, Jisung’s attention is still on you. Although, you don’t notice this time. Your mind is too occupied with what to do next. You slowly roll your sleeves up before quietly getting your hand sanitizer from your bag. Part of it is that you want to clean your hands after all the sweat and touching of Inuyasha’s fur. The other part is that you need something to do with your hands.

Badum

You’re going to have to take your mask off soon. It’s inevitable. It’ll end up being more awkward if you don’t or if you withhold from eating altogether. You feel Inuyasha settle his head in your lap again as you readjust your sleeves again. You’re not sure if it’s because of the two grills that are on or if it’s just you, but you feel significantly hotter. You rather take off your sweater right now to cool down than take off your mask.

I didn’t think this through.

“Damnit,” Hyunjin mutters beside you. Your eyes shift over to him and Changbin. They must have played a game to decide who is going to cook. Hyunjin mutters a string of swears as he grabs a pair of gloves, clearly a sore loser.

At home, you and Chan are always the ones in charge of grilling. Occasionally Changbin will take over if he thinks the meat isn’t getting cooked properly. Hyunjin and Seungmin, on the other hand, hate the pressure of being in charge of the food.

“I can do that if you want,” You suggest. Maybe cooking is the distraction you need. You’ll be too focused on cooking to get to eat much.

“It’s fine, I got it,” He smiles, playing with the tongs. “What should I cook first?”

“Meat,” Changbin suggests.

“Y/n, Felix, Jisung, any suggestions?” He asks, ignoring Changbin.

“Meat, cook the meat,” Changbin tries again.

“You didn’t want to cook, you don’t get a say in anything.”

“Hey!” Changbin yells, startling Jeongin on the other side of the table.

Chan, holding the tongs and scissors for his side of the table, leans back over his chair. He silently warns Changbin with the scissors before going back to whatever conversation he was having with his half of the table, partly apologizing on Changbin’s behalf. Seungmin puts his hand on your knee, stopping you from bouncing the leg you weren’t aware was moving in the first place. You mumble out a quiet ‘sorry’ as you focus your attention back on anywhere but Jisung or dinner. Seungmin, noticing you’re starting to freak out quietly flips his hand over, offering you his hand. You don’t hesitate to take it.

“Oh wow, he really is like a parent. Reminds me of how my mom is with me and my—Ah, sorry,” Jeongin bites his tongue and apologizes to the five of you.

All of you are used to it. Less people made fun of the fact none of you had parents than people would have you believe. Sure, there was the occasional asshole who would come along and try to use that information against you. But it hurt significantly less than when people would mention their parents and then freeze, almost like a deer caught in headlights. They’re panicking, you know they are. And then they apologize for committing the sin of mentioning the fact that they have at least one parent in their lives. And then they wait. Like you might spontaneously combust or burst into tears any second. Or the back peddling when a classmate would mention hating theirs over something so mundane like taking away their phones for bad grades. Guilt because none of you had parents. It was the universal look that people had when they looked at the five of you. Teachers would always mention something about parents their eyes would always land on one of you. It’s exhausting. When the four of you moved to Seoul to live with Chan, there was a silent agreement amongst the four of you to just refer to Chan as your dad whenever you talked about him. New place, fresh start. It gave you all a break from the looks of guilt and pity until Chan had to come to pick all four of you up from school one day after Changbin got into a fight.

“What’s a parent?” Seungmin questions him, tilting his head to the side “Is it like a TV show or some—Ow! When did you get so strong?”

“What happened?” Changbin asks, leaning over Hyunjin to see what the commotion is about.

You squeezed Seungmin’s hand as tightly as you could to get him to shut up. It might be all the anxiety pumping through your veins right now, but you squeezed tighter than you intended to, causing Seungmin to look at you in betrayal. All you offer him back is a warning look, silently reminding him of what you said in the car.

“My wings have been clipped,” Seungmin rolls his eyes and leans back into his seat, still holding onto your hand.

Hyunjin hovers his hand over the grill, checking if it’s hot enough before putting some shrimp and pork belly on one side and vegetables on the other. “I mean, we technically have a mom—sorry, a step-mom. So we basically have a full set of parents.”

“Hyunjin, don’t start that right now. I said I was sorry,” Chan sighs.

“Get on your knees and bow down if you really are sorry. For three hours,” Hyunjin’s eyes refuse to leave the grill, focusing on cooking, “One for each year you didn’t tell us.”

“His old ass knees can barely handle squats and you want him to kneel for three hours?” Changbin questions.

“New family drama?” Felix asks, leaning in towards you. Jisung does his best to look busy and not listen in on the drama.

“Apparently, that guy over there has been dating one of the doctors at his job for three years and kept it from us.” You explain quietly.

“Y/n, not you too! What do you mean ‘that guy over there?’” Chan groans. Minho takes the tongs and scissors away from him and takes over cooking.

Seungmin starts grabbing bowls of rice from the center of the table and begins to pass them out to everyone on your side of the table. Your hand instinctively wraps around Seungmin’s as you think about having to take your mask off again. The conversation was a welcomed distraction from the racing thoughts in your brain. But a simple bowl of rice is enough to bring you back to reality. To why you’re here.

Calm down.

You’re starving. You’ve been too nervous all day to eat more than a snack and drink some water. But the smell of all the food being cooked around you that’s seeping through your mask is making your stomach growl. You’re almost certain that everyone at the table can hear it. Even the braised eggplant sitting in front of you looks delicious. You dislike eggplant. You don’t hate it like Hyunjin does, you just dislike it. You’re used to it now after years of secretly eating all the foods Hyunjin doesn’t like so he wouldn’t get in trouble. But now, you’re fully considering eating all of the eggplant.

If only you could take your mask off. If only you could muster up all of the courage in the world and just rip it off. Be normal, for once in your life, just be normal. You’re acutely aware that you haven’t said a single word since you and Felix joined the larger group. You also know that Felix pulled you away to talk to ease you into the group situation. You wish he didn’t have to do that. You wish none of this had to be like this. That you could just have dinner with your friends and family like normal. Like everyone else.

For the love of god, please just calm dow—

*Tap*

Your head snaps up towards Felix and Jisung. Felix, unfazed, continues his conversation with Seungmin and Jeongin to notice you looking at him. Your eyes settle on Jisung, who gives you a soft smile. His eyes, so gently yet so full of concern. It’s almost like he could sense you freaking out and tried to draw you out before you started to panic.

You’re aware that Jisung also hasn’t said a single word all evening. Everyone else seems to be doing the heavy lifting of conversing for the two of you. You’re grateful that dinner is a larger group event. You can only imagine how badly it would have gone if it was just the two of you again. You probably would have stayed home.

“Y/n, ah…” Hyunjin says, turning towards you. His eyes are focused on the shrimp at the end of the tongs as he blows on it.

“Hey, why does she get the first piece?” Changbin whines as Hyunjin has his back to him.

“You know the rules, youngest first. You go last, Grandpa.” Seungmin reminds him.

Badum

“Grandpa?” Changbin cries.

Badum

“Yeah, you’re the oldest one on this side of the table so you’ve been promoted to grandpa. Congratulations,” Seungmin smirks, earning a laugh from Felix.

Badum

“I’m going to push your head in the grill,” Changbin threatens.

Badum

Seungmin feigns shock, holding his hand over his mouth. “Isn’t your job literally the opposite of that? How are you still employed?”

Badum

“Report him to the city. I’ll be a witness,” Felix adds, placing his hand on Seungmin’s shoulder, pretending to comfort him.

Badum

“Y/n, hurry up and take it. I know you’re hungry and the samgyeopsal is burning.”

Badum, badum

Your eyes look at the shrimp, and then at everyone else. They’re all in their own little worlds, barely paying you any attention. Chan, Minho, and Jeongin are busy cooking and talking about something trivial. Seungmin and Felix are too busy talking past you, picking on Changbin together. Jisung is now stuffing his oversized cheeks with rice and taking over the cooking. Inuyasha moves his paw to your lap, almost like he’s trying to comfort you.

Badum, badum, badum

Your hand shakily moves to pull down your mask, pausing as your fingertips brush against the thin fabric. You take a few deep breaths before pulling it down below your chin. You freeze for a second, waiting to hear terrified screams or for the world to stop spinning or for the cops to burst through the doors or…anything.

BADUM, BADUM, BADUM

Nothing.

The conversations going on around you continue, uninterrupted as your heart pounds in your chest and ears like a drum. You squeeze your eyes and let out all of the air in your body before finally taking the shrimp from Hyunjin.

“…Mm!” You hum happily, the corners of your mouth turning up into a small smile.

“Cute,” Jisung whispers under his breath. You almost didn’t hear him. Still, despite the drumming of your heart in your ears and the loud conversations going on around you, you heard him.

“CuTe,” Felix and Seungmin tease in unison. Your eyes move to meet a tomato-faced Jisung who is now scowling at the pair of new best friends.

“Oh!” Jisung shouts suddenly, causing you to jump in your seat. Seungmin gives your hand a reassuring squeeze, turning his attention back on you.

Jisung gets up from the table and runs off to the door near the kitchen. Your heart refuses to settle in your chest as he stays hidden in the room. You know logically that you didn’t scare him off again. He’s seen your face, he knows what to expect, but still, your hand moves instinctively to pull your mask back up just as he reappears in the room.

“Dou demo ii you na yoru dakedo

Doyomeki kirameki to kimi mo”

“I love this song! We should go out and do karaoke after this,” Jeongin suggests as NIGHT DANCER plays overhead, quickly forgetting why everyone is there in the first place. Almost like it’s a normal dinner with friends.

Normal.

You bite your bottom lip before slowly lowering your hand, leaving your mask down. Still on edge, you slowly relax into your chair, trying to calm yourself down. “Hanji sings this song really well,” Your voice wavers.

“Hannie sang for you? Wow, he really is cheating on me, huh?” Minho’s hand goes over his chest, miming his heart breaking.

“Hyung, stop it. She’s going to misunderstand,” Jisung whines, pouting at his roommate.

“You’re breaking apart our family, don’t get mad at me. Just think of the children. Yongbok is right there, this could traumatize him.” He adds fuel to the fire, causing Jisung to get more flustered.

“If everyone’s up for it, there’s a karaoke bar not too far from here,” Felix suggests as he takes a piece of the freshly cut meat that Hyunjin put on a plate.

“Actually,” Jisung turns to face you, catching your attention. “Y/n, can we go on a walk after dinner and talk?”

BADUM, BADUM

“S-sure,” You stutter, averting your eyes.

***

“Oh my god, I’m so full,” Han groans as he stretches.

The two of you walk side by side along the sidewalk. It’s cold and dark. Thick blankets of snow cover the streets. The only things illuminating the street are the yellow-tinted lights from the street lamps that line the street and the soft white string lights from various Christmas decorations. The Christmas music playing overhead is louder than it was when you went out with Chan last week. A haunting reminder that Christmas is next week. If you weren’t already done with your shopping, you’d be panicking.

“So,” You clear your throat, “are you going to visit your parents for the holidays?”

Throughout dinner, the two of you relaxed quite a bit. The music and your brothers help to calm you down. Mostly. There were still moments when you would lock eyes with Jisung and he would have a stupid look on his face. Then you’d turn red or drop something at one point, and you got so flustered, that you accidentally put kimchi in one of the wraps you were making for Hyunjin because he was still too busy cooking. You know he’s never going to shut up about how you 'tried to kill him' for the rest of your life. And then Felix began teasing both you and Jisung after you helped Jisung pick up a perilla leaf while talking to Felix. Jisung stopped fully functioning for about 5 minutes.

“Y/n, Y/n, I’m having trouble picking this leaf up, can you help me?” Felix would ask every couple of minutes after the incident, earning a glare from Jisung.

But now, as the two of you walk side by side with Inuyasha, you’re back to being anxious. Your heart is in your throat, drumming straight into your brain.

The talk.

You knew the entire night that this was going to happen. And still, you mistakenly let yourself get comfortable throughout the night and let your guard down. The two of you have to address what happened on your birthday. When your mask broke and he saw your face without any warning.

“…oh fuck…”

Jisung’s voice replays in your head along with his terrified look. Just like it has been every day since your birthday. The same incessant phrase that played in your mind like a broken record. You were slowly forgetting all the good moments from your date, all of them being replaced by that moment, no matter how much you tried to forget it.

“Not this year,” Jisung sighs. “My brother is doing his military service, my dad is on a business trip, and my mother is back in Malaysia helping a sick friend. We’re doing a makeup thing in February when my brother gets home.”

“So then are you spending Christmas alone?” You ask, turning to Jisung. You can see the white puff of his breath in the chilled air.

“No, Felix can’t go home this year so the two of us are doing something the day of. Minho hyung and Jeongin aren’t going home until the 23rd so the four of us are having a mini-party on the 22nd. You can come if you want. Bring everyone, I think Minho hyung loves not being the oldest.”

Badum

“It’s okay, I don’t want to intrude.” You say innocently.

Jisung stops dead in his tracks. You stop walking too, which causes Inuyasha to stop and turn back to you, confused. He turns his full body to you, lightly tugging on your arm. You turn to face him, giving him your full attention.

Badum

“What if I want you there?” He tilts his head to the side, “What if that’s my Christmas wish?”

Badum

There’s a strange air of confidence around him that takes you off guard. And for some reason, it makes you nervous.

“I-I…”

“Ah,” Jisung suddenly crouches down to the ground, clutching his head. “That was so lame, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I said that, I’m not like that at all. I mean, I want you there but the Christmas wish thing—I am so sorry.”

“Hanji…Jisung…stand up,” You call softly.

“I just like you a lot. It makes me say stupid shit,” He mumbles. “Sometimes I say stupid shit on purpose to make you laugh.”

Badum

“Why?” Your grip on Inuyasha’s leash tightens.

Badum, badum

“Because your laugh is really pretty,” He scoffs like it’s the most obvious answer and you offended him by questioning it.

Badum, badum

“No, I mean,” You dig your foot further into the snow. “Why do you like me?”

Badum, badum

“You’re kind, funny, caring, and you’re good at a lot of things. And you’re smart as hell. Why wouldn’t I like you?”

Badum, badum

You can count all the reasons why Jisung shouldn’t like you on both of your hands. For one, being you is mentally taxing, you can’t even imagine how tiring being with you will be. You feel bad enough that your family has to take care of you. You can’t do simple things like go to the grocery store without being on the verge of a panic attack. How are you supposed to go on dates? And then there’s your overall family situation. The dysfunction of it all. It works for you, you’re used to it. But letting outsiders like Jisung can be a lot too. The five of you understand each other in ways nobody else can understand. In ways you don’t want anyone else to understand. And even if Jisung can withstand all of that, the highs and lows of your mental health, your family, there’s no way he will be able to be with you. The looks the two of you will get when you’re out together. From passersby who will look at the two of you and question why he’s with you. The whispers that are a part of you. The critical stares. You’ve dealt with all that for most of your life and even you can’t deal with it. What makes him any different?

Badum, badum

“I can name one big reason,”

Badum, badum

“Hm?” Jisung hums, standing up and making direct eye contact with you.

Badum, badum, badum

You press your lips together and squeeze your eyes shut in frustration. Your eyes begin to sting as tears start to fill your eyes. You keep your eyes shut, preventing the tears from flowing over. You take a few deep breaths before pulling your mask off. The cool air nips at your lips just before you slowly open your eyes.

Badum, badum

“How could you like me?” You all but shout. “I scared you off last time, what’s stopping you now? What if you find someone more deserving to be with you? You should be with someone who deserves you.”

Badum, badum

“That’s you,”

Ba..badum, badum

“What?”

“You’re someone who deserves me…You’re worthy of me. There’s nobody else. If anything, I don’t deserve you. I’m not even worthy of your presence, let alone you.”

Badum, badum

“What are you…?”

Badum, badum

Jisung’s hand slowly reaches towards your face, out of habit, you flinch.

“Please?” He whispers softly, practically begging.

Badum, badum, badum, badum

You hesitate for a moment, looking between Jisung and his hand as you try to absorb all of the information you’ve collected in a short matter of time. Eventually, you nod, freezing in place as Jisung starts moving his hand again towards your face. You don’t even breathe as Jisung’s ice-cold hand brushes against your forehead, moving your bangs out of the way, your entire face exposed. His fingers feel like burning fire on your skin.

BADUM, BADUM, BADUM, BADUM

“I wasn’t scared when I saw your face. I mean I was scared—But not of you. I was scared for you. I knew you weren’t ready yet and I was scared of all the terrifying thoughts that racing through your mind. The look on your face scared me. I know that look—I knew how you were feeling and I didn’t want you to feel that way. I hate the way my anxiety makes me feel but I would have gladly taken away your anxiety and felt it for you if that made you happy.”

Badum, badum, badum, badum

Inuyasha walks over to Jisung and presses his nose into his leg. Both of you ignore it. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I love you,” He says simply as if it’s a casual conversation.

Badum, badum, badum, badum

“You…love….me?” Your mouth hangs slightly open in shock.

“I’ve known it for a while, I think, but tonight confirmed it for sure.”

“Why?” Now you’re the broken record.

“Hm,” Jisung places a finger on his bottom lip. His eyes look up like he’s trying to search for an answer. “I could just tell you all the reasons right now. Or I can tell you all the little things I love about you every day for the rest of our lives.”

“The rest of our lives?” You parrot.

Your body is as frozen as the ice on the street as your mind swirls with all the information and sweet words coming out of Jisung’s mouth. He’s making your mind swirl. But in a good way.

“Uh huh, the rest of our lives. And you want to know why? Because I love you. I want to be with you. I want to call you cute little pet names and hold your hand. And just sit around and do nothing with you. I want to stare at your pretty face all day. And be there whenever you need me. And, oh my god, I want to kiss you so fucking bad. It’s insane. I think I need to be hosed down.”

Badum, badum, badum, badum

You stand, unmovable for a moment. Jisung loves you. He wants to be with you. He wants to kiss you. You. All you can do is blink slowly as all of your thoughts leave your mind. You want to do something or say something but all you can do is stare at Jisung, specifically the curves of his lips imagining how they would feel against yours. You imagine they’d be as soft as his fingers were just a moment ago. And you dangerously begin to imagine your future together. A future where you can be together without judgment. Without fear.

Badum, badum, badum, badum

“…Then…why don’t you?” You question, almost immediately regretting it the second it came out of your mouth.

Badum, badum, badum, badum

You’re not sure where this new confidence is coming from but you love it. You stand there, waiting in anticipation as Inuyasha makes his way over to you, pressing his nose against your leg now.

“What?” Jisung’s smile drops.

Badum, badum, badum, badum

“You said you wanted to kiss me, then go ahead.”

Badum, badum, badum, badum

You’re not sure why you’re being so bold. Maybe this is the only time you get a kiss. Maybe because it’s Jisung. For the first time, you don’t care. You don’t care about the fact that Jisung might change his mind one day. You don’t care about your face being out while people are walking around. It’s silly to think that this is all because of a man, but Jisung is somehow giving you the confidence you need.

Jisung stares at you for a moment, all of his confidence gone. You’re almost certain you stole it. He runs his hand through his hair before he mutters something under his breath and starts leaning in.

BADUM, BADUM, BADUM, BADUM

You close your eyes, waiting for the feel of Jisung’s lips on yours. Your heart is making its way up your throat. At this rate, your heart might just leap out of your mouth and kiss Jisung instead.

Konk!

You grab your forehead and drop to your knees. Oh course you would bump heads during your first kiss. You can’t just have one moment, can you? You can’t imagine what this scene looks like to even else. You’re both on the floor, holding your head. It was a soft his but Jisung’s head is so hard, it’s like running into a metal bat.

“Ah shit, are you okay?” Jisung crouches down to your level, seemingly unaffected, and begins rubbing the spot he hit.

“You have a hard head!” You whine.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. Here,” Jisung stops rubbing your forehead and places a soft, warm kiss on the red spot on your head.

Jisung pulls away. And stares at you. Your head is throbbing and you’re no longer sure if it’s because of your anxiety or the pain from hitting the bulldozer that is Han Jisung’s forehead. After what feels like forever, Jisung places a finger under your chin and tilts your head up, forcing you to look at him. He remains quiet, thinking about something before he crashes his lips into yours.

It’s a simple kiss, just your lips touching. And yet, it's enough to make your head spin and melt the ice that has been freezing your body the entire time you’ve been outside. It feels like time is frozen and the two of you are in your own little bubble.

Just as quickly as it happened, Jisung pulls his lips away. Concern fills his face as he tries to read yours. He slowly relaxes his face and lets out a relieved sigh when he realized that you’re not freaking out. If your brain was functioning, it would be. You’re absolutely certain that he broke your brain when he head-butted you.

“I want to do that for the rest of our lives too,” The corner of his mouth turns up into a sly smirk, “if you’ll let me?”

“I’m scared,” You whisper, barely audible.

“I’m scared too. It’s terrifying to let someone in. We can be scared together.”

Again, you let your mind wander as you imagine your future with Jisung. Dates the two of you might go on. All the jokes you two can share. A future with a wedding and maybe a kid or two if you two saw fit. And the thought of living a life where he might not be in it because you let your fear and anxieties get in the way causes your heart to race even more.

Inuyasha lets out one loud bark, causing worry to flash over Jisung’s face again.

“I…” Your voice falters, unsure of what words to say next. You know what you want to say, but the words are missing. They’re on the pavement being trampled by everyone walking by.

“If you’re not ready, I understand. I’ll wait for you, you’re worth waiting for.”

“I…” You take a deep breath in before letting go of Inuyasha’s leash and grabbing onto Jisung’s collar. You pause for a moment, playing every possible outcome in your head. The good, the bad, the ugly. But all of that is being overshadowed by Jisung.

BADUM

You just want to be normal.

BADUM

To be happy.

BADUM

Without a second thought, you pull Jisung towards you, pressing your lips together one last time. After a second, you separate from him and rest your forehead on his, hot tears falling down your face.

You’re scared. You’re scared of Jisung waking up one day and realizing that he doesn’t want to be with you. That he’ll turn out like everyone else. That he doesn’t actually love you and that he just thinks he does. But there’s something inside that keeps gnawing at you that you’ve never felt before. You feel it in your chest and the pit of your stomach. It’s so unfamiliar that it scares you.

BADUM

Hope

“I…I want to be with you,” You choke out.

Jisung chuckles, his hot breath tickling your face. He places both of his hands on either side of your face and pulls his face back. A large smile spread across his cheeks, you’re scared it’s going to break his face.

“Okay,” He replies softly before pressing one more gentle kiss into your lips.

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

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