untitled - j.jk.
genre: angst, fluff (firstlove! slowburn!) (11.5k)
summary: jungkook was your first love but first loves were supposed to end, they were supposed to be a fond memory to look back on but your first love never leaves your life, nor does he stay in it.
note: this is inspired from my first love <3
masterpost
even if years, ages, and places separate you, maybe youâll love jungkook all over again every time.
you had met him in school, in college, on a different continent but he never stayed in your life for too long, and you hadnât stayed in his either.
but now that you believe you wouldnât see him again, only because you were standing next to your soon-to-be-husband, you believe your never-pausing story needed to be told.
and oh, would you look at that? it seems like jungkook has entered the venue to hear it too.
-
it was the 9th grade when you first met him.
it was simple and so innocent.
you had your new school bag resting behind you, and your shoulders kept knocking against your sisters as the bus drove on the road and abruptly stopped at a place that it never did before; down the lane from your home.
you curiously looked out and heard your bus manager faintly mumbling something about a new student joining the bus.
and there he was, a head full of bouncy hair and a smile that wasnât exactly present. even as he walked the length of the bus with his head down, he didnât give off insecurity, it was more like he avoided looking at most people.
he sat down, right behind you, his legs stretching could be seen under your seat and you didnât look back just yet. you had no idea why.
your sister, sunny, turned around, hand clasping the seat, and eagerly asked, âyouâre in B section, arenât you?â your ears perked up at that, and you subtly leaned in to listen to him.
why you had been curious at all about someone whose face you hadnât seen, is something that was beyond you but you were consumed inside out with curiosity from the beginning.
he nods at your sister and doesnât offer another word but when you tilt your head to look back, you see him looking right at you.
thatâs when it all began, there were no words at all, just a boy who hadnât looked at anyone but looked at you as if he could draw you the very next second.
-
your sister, ever the extrovert, talked to jungkook every day, they laughed and made fun of each other, you smiled at their conversations but never contributed yourself. you listened though, and you listened well.
by week two, you knew how he sounded when he was bored.
you knew how his voice hitched when he was excited.
you knew how his voice would get low whenever he pulled a sarcastic joke on your sister.
jungkookâs eyes would dance to the back of your head, wrapped neatly in a ponytail every single morning, to see if you would turn back, to see if he could catch a glance of those small smiles you let out sometimes but most days, he would just talk loud enough for you to hear about him.
he never understood why he had wanted you to listen, but he couldnât tell you anything directly, and he wanted to look cool, sound cool, make jokes in a cool way, in a way that would make you laugh and once he got home, he always felt ridiculous for feeling that way.
and then, as if a miracle, your sister didnât come to school one morning, jungkook could see you alone, ponytail brushed back as always, school bag resting on your thighs, and felt a stabbing need to hear your voice, talking to him.
he settled behind you, legs stretching again and his fingers danced on his thighs as he thought of a way to talk to you, just then your head tilted slightly, as if you were trying to catch a look at him and jungkook felt his smile burn into his skin.
âwhy did sunny not come today?â you jumped as he fully leaned on the back of your seat, your eyes drifted to his face, âsheâs not well.â
those were the first words you had ever spoken to him.
âwhy is she not well?â was not his best, but he needed to keep it going.
sunny was on her period.
âstomach ache,â you murmured, ignoring how his eyes twinkled with each word that escaped out of you. you hadnât believed that eyes could twinkle up until that day, but then again you think youâve never seen jungkookâs eyes twinkle with anyone else.
âshe mustâve eaten something bad, didnât she? she seems the type to be careless like that,â jungkook snickered and your face grew red hot, âwhat she eats or doesnât eat, isnât any of your business.â
your tone, your eyes narrowing sharply to glare at him, was a sight jungkook would get used to later, but for now, he didnât know how to react.
he was taken aback that you had gotten so serious over a simple joke, then it clicked to jungkook that you were one of those oddly protective people. nothing else could explain your red cheeks and furrowed eyebrows.
and he grew giddy.
you were oddly protective.
a new thing he got to learn about you because he had conjured up the courage to start a conversation.
âmy bad,â he shrugs into his seat, and his nonchalant response makes you feel guilty, so you sigh and turn back fully to face him.
that was the first time you saw him straight on, with no sideway glances, no peripheral view of him, just his face and nothing else.
âyou have adam sir for physics too, right?â
it was something you picked up from the multiple conversations you overheard.
âum yeah?â he wasnât sure where you were going with this, âdoes he come into your class with chalk on suspicious places too?â
you were talking about your dear adam sir who constantly came to class with chalk all over the front and back of his pants crotch area, everyone but adam sir himself knew about his crotch chalk.
and jungkook laughs out loud, âoh my god, yes, i donât know whether to be horrified or mildly impressed with his lack of self-awareness,â and you laughed too.
when you stopped and looked at him once more, he was already looking at you and the smile on your face didnât break until you reached home.
-
it was normal now, you and sunny would turn around, talk to jungkook until you reached school, and then wait for the evening, when you could talk to him until you reached home.
you were quick to anger, he noticed.
you often fought with guys in your grade with a rage that both scared and fascinated jungkook.
you were calm with people you liked, you were fun with people you liked, you were passionate about things you believed in.
you always were a bit frustrated with him, but you still laughed at his jokes.
he was sarcastic, you noticed.
he had no interest in most things.
he didnât like drama but always knew everything about everyone.
he always looked at you after he made a joke, as if to check if you thought it was funny, if you thought he was funny.
and you would always laugh, he would always feel a seed of pride in him whenever you turned away, hiding your laughing face in your palms.
you knew he liked you; you werenât oblivious or stupid.
youâre not sure who he told or how it even came out, but suddenly, everyone around you knew about it.
the rumors started a month after you talked to him, you had known him for six weeks which felt like six years, but you didnât like him back.
he knew that you didnât like him back.
but that didnât stop him from trying to look cool to you.
something his friends never let him succeed at.
on childrenâs day, you were allowed to wear anything besides your uniform, and that was a very exciting thing then, you always wore your best outfits because your mom believed in looking good and feeling good.
you were standing in the middle of the ground, waiting for your friends to come back from getting food when someone tapped swiftly on your shoulder, it was one of jungkookâs friends, smiling at you as if he knew you. you didnât know the guy; you only knew he was jungkookâs friend.
âhey, could you take a photo for us?â he mused, you almost said no, but then you peeked around him, to see jungkook with his very huge group of friends, he wasnât looking at you, he was looking at everything but you.
it confused you.
his friendâs smile got wider when he noticed you staring at jungkook, you ignored him and took the phone dangling from his hands, you watched as they all got closer and started smiling.
jungkookâs smile was so small, so invisible, so you yelled, âsmile everyone!â and you tried not to smile too when his smile took over his entire face until you couldnât see anything else.
âthanks,â his friend came and took his phone, jungkook left, eyes glancing over his shoulder where you stood, an unavoidable warmth spread through your fingers.
but you didnât like him.
not the way he liked you.
right?
-
âhe likes you, he told his friends and well, they told my friends, who told me,â sunny rambled beside you, shifting through her closet and you didnât know what to say, âdo you like him?â she turned around to you, eyebrows raised as if she judged you a little if you did, and you shrugged.
âno, how can anyone like him?â
-
you had people who admired you, liked you even, but very few were honest or brave about it.
so, when the sister of a guy who you thought was only your friend, knocked on the window of your seat, you were confused. she smiled, âthis is for you,â she pushed a letter, bracelet, and chocolate into your hands once you opened it, running away before you could ask anything.
you saw your friend peeking from the corner of a bus, watching your reaction to his confession, you looked away and shoved the letter and bracelet into the front pocket of your bag.
jungkook watched the whole exchange silently, a strange jealousy settled in his stomach as he looked out the window to glare at your friend, who sadly only had his eyes on you. then, he watched you and tried to understand what you felt from the back.
it wasnât easy.
his friend gasped and howled next to him, âshe got a letter, broâ he teased jungkook loud enough for you to hear, jungkook waited for you to turn around and tell his friend to shut up and mind his own business.
but you didnât, you didnât get angry like you usually did.
you were hyper-focused on the bracelet resting in your bag, and jungkook scoffed at it, he could do better, he wonât, but he could.
âshe got a letter and youâre still just sitting here,â his friend tutted at him and jungkook shrugged his friendâs arm around his shoulder, scowling at him.
you rested your head on your window and closed your eyes, letting the warmth of the sun penetrate you.
when it was just the two of you on the bus, he leaned forward, âhe wrote you a letter?â
âyeah, he did.â it was embarrassing to tell jungkook for some reason, it felt like cheating, receiving a letter from someone else when he was right behind you, though none of those feelings held any validity.
âhe gave you a bracelet and chocolate? thatâs just childish,â he snickered and expected you to laugh with him but you didnât, âweâre still kids,â you mumbled instead, and jungkook straightened.
âdo you like him?â
âno.â
âdo you like anyone?â
âno.â
âwhy?â he stood with his bag in his hands, the bus waiting for him to get down and you didnât notice his nervous stammer then, you were too confused by the bracelet and chocolate in your bag.
âi just donât.â he nodded and left.
you kept the letter and bracelet in your school memories box.
-
somewhere jungkook knew that you knew, but he was always grateful that you acted like you didnât know.
but it was unbearable for him.
seeing your swaying ponytail every morning, hearing your laughter ring in his ears at times when you werenât even around him, driving by your house a few fifty times a day to see if you were talking in the balcony sometimes because you did that sometimes, sometimes it felt to jungkook that you did it for him.
sometimes you did it for him, for him to see you.
why?
no one knows.
you and jungkook were friends, only friends.
you and him were friends, but you never talked when others besides sunny were around, your conversations were yours and his, and no one elseâs.
you werenât sure that was how friendships worked, but you thought maybe friendship with jungkook worked this way.
he had your number but he never called, you had his number but you never called.
but one day, right before your final exams started, your phone rang and your heart stopped when you saw his name flash on your screen, you stared at the screen until your phone stopped ringing and didnât touch your phone until it was night.
you opened it to several messages from jungkook and none of them were about school or the annoying kids on the bus or his annoying friends or your annoying friends.
jungkook: i like you.
jungkook: i think you know that. but i wanted to tell you.
jungkook: i know that you donât like me, but i like you and iâve tried to avoid it, but i see you every day, and i canât avoid you, i canât avoid how i feel.
jungkook: if you somehow like me, reply to this, if you donât, donât. just act as if nothing happened when we see each other tomorrow.
you couldnât study anymore that night.
the next day, you turned back with sunny and talked to him as if nothing happened, you complained about your syllabus, he laughed that he didnât even open his books, and sunny bragged that she finished everything and helped him with some important topics.
you ignored the pull in your heart at how openly his affection showed in his eyes now when he looked at you, his sentiment was simple, he had said his bit, and he had nothing to hide anymore but you grew heavy on that seat in front of him, you had everything to hide.
sunny squeezed your hand as you looked out the window.
she knew what happened.
your eyes filled with affection too, gave it away.
-
why did you never tell jungkook that maybe, just maybe, just a small part of you, a part of you that you wanted to destroy, liked him too?
you never understood why your sentiment cowered under layers whereas his laid naked in the world.
and middle school for you, high school for him, came close to ending by the time you ever confronted your feelings.
it was the last day for middle schoolers, you had a whole event thing in the school and dressed up accordingly, you had gone to school with your dad.
but once the day ended, you got onto the bus with a shirt full of your classmates' signatures and notes, you were a little late and flushed from the sun, you plopped down on your seat and fanned yourself.
sunny pulled the scribbled shirt from your hands, âgod, you really filled it up,â you pointed to each signature and note, explaining who it was from, and when a huge note from some guy in the class who liked you came, sunny teased you and jungkook glared at the back of her head.
but a knot of sadness formed in his throat, he wouldnât see you every day after this, he wouldnât see you sleep on the bus, he wouldnât hear the r-rated jokes that you whispered to sunny, thinking that no one could hear, he wouldnât hear you silently cry after a bad day.
to jungkook, today felt like the end of a lifetime.
then you turned around, with tired eyes and a shy but carefree smile, you extended the shirt to him and said, âwrite something good, jungkook.â he felt as if he was going to fall off his seat.
his name in your voice was something he would remember for years to come.
he asked for a pen because of course, jungkook didnât carry a pen in his bag that had one notebook, you scoffed and gave him one and he thought for very long.
i love you, felt wrong to write on a shirt that was littered with other peopleâs love for you.
and as he read each note, jungkook suddenly felt small, so many people loved you, much better people than him, he couldnât even write anything as a goodbye to you whereas others wrote whole paragraphs.
he wrote something quickly, under your watchful and expectant gaze, and handed the shirt back with a weak smile.
âbe happy, always. jkâ looked back at you and you couldnât help but laugh at his small handwriting next to everyone elseâs. you didnât notice his dejected posture, nor his distracted gaze out the window.
âreally? thatâs all?â you said with a teasing smile, extremely amused by his words and he shrugged at you, playing with his hands.
but he felt it when your smile dimmed and you turned around with a silent huff, he felt even smaller as he got down from the bus, craning his neck to see you and your yellow dress, for the last time in the bus that held all his adolescent love.
you didnât look back at him.
-
your exams ended, you joined high school in a different part of the city, jungkook joined college in a different part but his home remained down the lane from yours.
you didnât see him as much anymore, you only saw his car drive by through your window, but he did message you whenever he could, even if you didnât see each other, you knew every person he knew, he knew every overbearing teacher you hated, you knew every class he skipped and that he started smoking, and he still knew just how to make you laugh to make you forget about the pressures of high school.
and calling him a friend, in the midst of all that, felt wrong, it felt so wrong, you were so alone in your high school, and he was the only tie to your familiar and comfortable past, so you confessed.
it wasnât anything grand, you knew he liked you back, and you werenât worried about getting rejected, but still, you held your breath as you typed a message to him.
you: i like you too.
you: it took me too long, didnât it?
his reply was instantaneous.
jungkook: what.
then, your phone rang loudly, it almost fell from your hands and your mom eyed you suspiciously, you called out a friend's name to appease her and ran off to your room, shutting the door behind you and lifting the call with shaky hands.
âyouâre not joking with me, are you?â
âno.â
âso, you like me?â you heard the smile in his voice and let your head fall against the door in a blissed-out sigh.
âi do.â
âreally?â
you laughed, âreally.â
âreally, really?â you couldnât stop giggling at the barely contained excitement and doubt in his voice, âreally, really, jungkook.â
âfuck.â you faintly heard his laugh of disbelief on the other line and stopped yourself from sinking to the floor and talking to him for hours.
âtext me, my momâs awake still,â you mumbled, and he sighed but it was happy, it was out of relief, âyes, maâam.â
jungkook ended the call with the biggest smile on his face, his back resting on his car, slid down as he tried not to squeal and jump in the air and his friends raised their eyebrows at him.
âwhat happened to you?â
âshe told me she likes me,â he mumbled, the words feeling so much like a lie on his tongue but it was true, it was finally true, and even if he didnât say the name, his friends knew exactly who it was, âholy shit, really?â they crowded around him and started demanding for details but he brushed them all off.
âi have to go, i have to text her, i canât do that when i drive, you guys will get back by yourself right?â he didnât wait for their reply as he got into his car and started the engine, all he heard before pulling away was, âthat lucky bastard.â
and he was, he was the luckiest man in the world.
-
turns out, jungkook was the luckiest man in the world for a few moments only. you were so sweet sometimes that he wanted to wax poetry about you, but he had expected that after your confession, you could date, he could call you his girlfriend, and you would go out to the movies, he would feed you popcorn and your head would rest on his shoulders.
but.
âi just think labels arenât necessary,â he tried not to frown too deeply as your voice swam into his ears, âwhat do you mean?â he sat up on his bed, phone clutched tightly in his hands.
âisnât it enough that we like each other? why do we have to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend?â
âbut why shouldnât we?â
âjungkook, i donât know how i feel about making it soâŠpermanent,â on the other end of his phone, your eyes gathered tears because you didnât know why you were saying the words you were, but the idea of dating seemed so immature to you, too troublesome and dramatic, you just wanted to like him and have him like you.
âare we not permanent?â he was only so young and so innocent; the words left him with a delicate veil of terror.
why werenât you thinking of forever? you were his forever, was he not yours?
âhow could we be permanent? weâre kids,â your nervous laughter twisted his guts but he didnât say a word, âdo you not think of a future with me?â jungkook felt pathetic asking the questions he did.
âitâs not like that jungkook, i like you, of course, i do but shouldnât we worry about us here in the present than somewhere in the future?â
it made sense to you because you were already apart, he was in college, you were in high school, he smoked now, you hated that, you grew more cynical, he hated that and later, you would only be further apart, who was to say you would stand the test of time?
but i love you, hung on his lips.
he just mumbled, âokay.â he never was okay with it and his disappointment couldnât have been louder.
âjungkook, i still like you-â your mom called out to you and your panic rose to your throat, âmy momâs calling, iâll text you, okay?â and the line went dead.
jungkook fell back on his bed, his head was now heavy with you, he couldnât help but notice that you kept saying that you liked him.
you never said that you loved him.
-
you: our school function is on the 26th, this is our chance.
jungkook: are you telling me i finally get to meet my girlfriend?
you: haha not your girlfriend but yes, you finally get to meet the girl of your dreams.
jungkook: emma stone is coming?
you: very funny jungkook, iâll block you.
jungkook: now donât go and do that, what will you wear?
you: you will see that day, what will you wear?
jungkook: you will see that day :D
you: so annoying.
jungkook: only to you :]
you: iâm excited to see you.
jungkook: you have no idea how long iâve been waiting to see you.
-
at the school, your palms grew clammy as you walked around with your friends, and your dress flowed with you as you walked but you didnât feel pretty that day. like every other teenager, you had a huge breakout of acne just the night before and you had cried, you didnât want jungkook to see you like this.
you were sure that he had higher expectations for the girl he liked and while you usually didnât care about othersâ expectations of you, you cared about his.
you knew he was already in the school but you werenât actively looking for him, you wanted to delay meeting him as much as you could, you didnât want him to see your face and you didnât look at your phone.
you let yourself be completely occupied with your friends even if you see him walk by a couple of times from the corner of your eyes. jungkook, on the other hand, just didnât know how to approach you, he didnât know if heâd be disturbing your time with your friends or if heâd annoy you by acting too clingy, so he stayed away as well.
sunny observed the whole exchange in bits and pieces and couldnât believe how ridiculous you two were being. as his friend and your sister, she decided to take things into her own hands.
so, as you laughed and talked to your circle of friends, she pulled on your arm, took you aside, and whispered, âdude, why arenât you talking to him? heâs been waiting for you.â
âi thought he was with his friends,â you lied, and she sighed, âhe hasnât hung out with them, to make sure he had time with you and i donât know what is going on with you, but your boyfriend is waiting for you and you need to go.â
ânot my boyfriend,â you mumbled as she dragged you around to where he was sitting.
until you saw him, very well-dressed, with shiny shoes, a crisp shirt, and a lopsided grin, none of what you had with him felt real.
but seeing him made it real, it made your love for him take a physical form, you werenât sure you could handle that sense of reality just yet.
romance, love, affection, all of it was easy through a screen but seeing his finger ridges in real life and wanting to hold them, was hard.
âhey,â he mused, patting the spot next to him and you didnât sit, you hid your face behind your hair and muttered a greeting, and sunny gagged next to you, âcan you please not do this lovey-dovey shit in front of me?â
jungkook was enjoying it though, his girl, not his girlfriend apparently but still his girl, was too shy to see him.
the ever-fierce, angry, witty, and smart girl disappeared and in front of him, was just a girl in love. and even if you never said it, he felt it in the moment.
âokay, iâll go now,â sunny said, but you grabbed her arm, âstay,â you whispered to her and she geared up to start cursing at you only for jungkook to say, âstay, itâs fine.â
he realized that if sunny was around, you would at least say a few things, because right now, he couldnât see anything but your hair.
so, sunny stayed.
and they talked, you chimed in, it felt like the first day of talking to him on the bus. jungkook observed that you were a bit more grown up now, a bit taller, only a bit though and a bit softer than when you were in school, and just like he loved the loud, rude, and angry girl, he loved the soft, shy, still angry girl, that he was looking at.
you thought he was looking at you because you looked different, uglier, and that he was contemplating just letting you go.
but that night, when you returned home and texted him, you felt like the prettiest girl in the world.
you: so emma stone didnât come, how do you feel?
jungkook: heartbroken but another girl made it up to me.
you: oh yeah, how was that?
jungkook: it was like i was seeing her for the first time again.
you: and?
jungkook: sheâs more beautiful than i remember her being.
you: jungkook, i had pimples all over, you donât have to lie to me.
jungkook: you donât know yourself at all if you think some pimples take away from how beautiful you are.
you: you think so?
jungkook: i spent an hour looking at you, walking here and there in the school, so iâm confident about it.
you: i felt ugly today.
jungkook: that happens sometimes.
you: i donât feel it anymore.
jungkook: you never should.
-
it was five days after the function, on new years, january 1st, that you two broke up.
things had been going so well but suddenly, they werenât.
after the magical night at your school, he hung out with his friends a lot, and he started drinking, you were still too young for all that, and you were dying in your high school with never-ending exams and classes. both of you had forgotten about each other while also thinking of each other every second you could.
you were supposed to meet him on january 1st, in a cafĂ© that he was raving about called the terrace, you had planned a whole thing so your parents wouldnât get suspicious, you would go with your sisters to the cafĂ© and come back with them, but spend all the time there with him.
it wasnât easy to go behind your parents' back, it always felt like you were betraying them whenever you talked to jungkook but you were also in love, and your parents took a back seat for you on that day.
you waited in the café, and your sisters constantly asked where he was and when he was coming, you told them he would come in a minute or two, which stretched on for hours and the night ended with your sisters giving you pitiful gazes and long, silent hugs.
you came back home with an anger so familiar, so out of your control that you couldnât see or say anything else.
âwhere were you?â
âi got drinks with my friends, i was going to leave i promise-â and you cut the call, you watched your phone ring again and again until it went dead silent.
jungkook: please talk to me.
you: you know how difficult it is for me to come out with my parents watching my every move, you know how much i planned for this night and i did it because you kept blaming me for never going on dates.
jungkook: typingâŠ.
you: and when i do plan for a date, you end up going somewhere else?
jungkook: you think i donât have a life of my own?
you blinked back tears that your anger let escape from your eyes, that was the first time you felt your chest physically hurt.
you: i never said that, jungkook.
jungkook: you know itâs funny because if you werenât such a coward, maybe i wouldnât have to beg you to meet me, maybe we wouldâve already gone on dates, and today, i could enjoy with my friends the way i want to. you donât even let me call you, my girlfriend.
you: donât you dare call me a coward, my parents arenât easy to deal with.
jungkook: saying that just makes you sound like even more of a coward.
you: if iâm such a coward, maybe you shouldnât be with me anymore.
jungkook: maybe i shouldnât, yeah.
you threw your phone aside, you wanted him to say iâm sorry, i fucked up, let me plan the next one, but instead, he was indifferent, as if nothing mattered to him anymore, as if you didnât matter to him anymore.
you couldnât picture this man as the same man who looked at you with stars in his eyes and a scary thought passed through your mind, he was madly in love with you only five days ago, and now, he wasnât.
people could change, and then hurt you, so you vowed to yourself that you wouldnât let anyone have the power to hurt you anymore.
you: so, weâre done?
jungkook: yeah.
you: please donât smoke anymore.
jungkook: what i do is none of your business anymore.
-
and that was that.
you blocked him everywhere and he wallowed in his self-pity for days, you didnât know how he was, which new people he met, if he smoked two or three cigarettes in a day anymore and he didnât know about anything going on in your class, or about the new biology subject they introduced or about your friend's antics.
it was like he was never there in your life in the first place.
right after the breakup, you didnât cry, you didnât feel anything, you went to high school normally the next day and smiled while telling your friends, âiâm finally single!â
they looked concerned, then they laughed at your indifference to the breakup but your best friend leaned and asked, âare you okay?â and you nodded happily, âof course i am, heâs just a guy.â
but jungkook sadly wasnât just a guy, he was your first love, your first ever brush with romance.
so, a month passed and you called your best friend.
sitting at the edge of your bed, you told her everything you knew about jungkook, you laughed at how stupid he could be sometimes, and you cursed him out for doing what he did but then, you started crying and you couldnât stop crying, âi miss him, i miss my friend.â
she listened as you felt your heart finally tear apart inside you.
you knew you couldnât trust anyone or love anyone again.
this time, it felt like a lifetime ended for you.
-
two years passed and you didnât think of him anymore, you werenât sure if he thought of you, you would only be reminded of his existence when exes and relationships came up in conversations with friends, those always ended with you bitterly cursing him.
you hated him.
the guy who showed you how love felt, was the guy you hated most now.
you moved cities, a better, bigger city and you tried to fall in love again, you did try.
you went on dates with your newly found freedom, you tried to like them and their stories, but the only stories that held any value to you from your youth were with or about jungkook. because you felt every face of your youth, with him.
and you couldnât possibly talk about your first love with guys whose faces bled into each other until they all became one, and jungkook remained another.
but still, you rarely thought of him.
you didnât think of him when you went on your first date ever (technically, you never went on a date with jungkook), you didnât think of him when you called that guy every single night and told him superficial things about you, you never told him things that mattered, you had your first kiss and ended your first ever situationship.
but you werenât hurt at all. you never gave another person the power to hurt you because you felt it once, and you had no intention to feel it again.
and after months of living in another city, you went back home for a while and your best friend insisted on going to the same cafĂ© where you were supposed to meet jungkook, on the day of your breakup. it wasnât her fault that it was the only good cafĂ© in your tiny city.
you went.
you talked and laughed with your friend.
your phone pinged.
jungkook: youâre at the terrace?
perhaps, you forgot to mention that you unblocked him a while ago, it wasnât to talk to him of course, it was just to remove negativity from your life (you wanted to feel that young love again).
you: yeah.
jungkook: wait.
you turned to your best friend with wide eyes, telling her that there was a huge possibility that jungkook was coming and she grimaced, she never liked him.
then, he strolled in, hands in pockets, and gave you this smile that covered years of doubt, you always thought he would glare at you and hate you but he just walked in, waved at you, and sat down without saying another word.
seeing him this up close after years of watching him from the corner of your eyes and the tilt of your head, filled you with a breathless excitement because he didnât change, he didnât change at all.
âhello, itâs been long,â he greeted you, and then the both of you broke into giggles at his formal tone, âit has been long, yeah.â you replied with a nod, begging for your eyes to hide their reviving affection.
then, you talked.
you had years to catch up on so you told him everything, you told him about your college, your still-horrible teachers, your friends, the new places youâve explored, and how different everything was in the city you studied.
he listened with a carefulness that you never thought he possessed.
a simple but reckless thought caught you by the throat as jungkook leaned forward and laughed at something you said.
is this how it feels to make someone laugh?
is this how a date with him then wouldâve been?
did i just miss out on everything good in life?
then, he told you everything and you listened.
jungkook stuttered multiple times because he had truly forgotten how his body got when you were around, he was suddenly aware of his every nerve, and he was aware of his fingertips that were centimeters apart from you, he was aware of your legs that were right next to his under the table and he was aware of you refusing to look at anyone but him as he spoke.
not even once did either of you acknowledge january 1st from two years ago.
âitâs 6 right now,â your best friend reminded you and you gasped, âalready? shit, we have to go,â jungkookâs disappointment fell like water over his head and flooded his shoulders.
âwhere do you have to go?â he asked, as casually as he could.
âwe have to meet another friend, a little bit far from here, so weâve got to get going,â you said, and jungkook nodded, his car keys twirled in his hands, âdo you mind dropping us?â
he almost jumped out of his seat to say yes, but remembered himself and nodded once again, ânot a problem at all.â
all three of you were silent as you walked to his car which turned out to be a jeep of sorts, no surprises there and your friend got in the back, you got in the front and buckled your seat belt, your chest compressed a bit more as you tried to wave all of this as something friends did.
you were friends with him, in some way.
he got in as well and you felt twitchy in your seat, your eyes took in the unfamiliar car and jungkook watched as you saw another new thing in his life with boundless curiosity.
âyou vape now?â you saw the three vapes thrown in the middle of the seat and he shrugged, âsometimes, you wanna try?â you shook your head, both as a reply to him and to shake away the odd memory of january 1st, when you had begged him to stop smoking.
âdo you still smoke?â
âyep.â
you didnât say anything as your heart sank.
he handed you his phone, as if it wasnât something that contained everyoneâs deepest, darkest secrets, he told you his passcode and let you choose whatever song you liked.
and as you scrolled through his song library, you found many songs that you had recommended to him years ago, âyou still listen to these?â
jungkook tensed up, clearing his throat, he answered, âsometimes.â
you didnât probe any further.
you didnât play the songs you recommended either, things were weird already.
on the way, jungkook talked to your friend and then you, you talked to him, played all the songs you liked and at every stop sign, you ignored jungkook looking at you with a smile and soft eyes, as you turned to talk to your friend.
when you got down, you had a brief, disgusting thought of asking him to drive you around and just staying in his car to find out everything you missed in two years.
but you didnât, you got down, you thanked him, he tipped his invisible hat at you and smiled, and you looked away, waving at him.
ânot a word from you,â you told your smirking friend as you walked away from his car.
the rest of the night, you dreamed as your friends talked and got loud, you sighed as if you had someone to miss, you checked your phone constantly for any messages from him and sighed again when you didnât get any.
but at midnight, your phone pinged.
jungkook: never thought iâd see you in my car lol.
you: never thought iâd be in your car.
jungkook: well, iâm always there if you need me.
jungkook: for a ride, i mean.
you: iâm always there too.
you: to give you company in your big, lonely car, i mean.
jungkook: is that so?
you: yeah, good night jungkook.
jungkook: god, good night.
both of you fell asleep with hope brimming in your dreams that night.
-
so, it started again, you texted every day, you told him everything you did in a day and he did the same for you, he still had this incredible ability to make you laugh when you felt down and you still fascinated him to no bounds.
and days bled into each other, you returned to the city where you studied, feeling a bit more homesick than you had before.
you got to know that he had failed some subjects in class, âhow many?â you whispered as if it was a secret that no one should know, you couldnât imagine failing, and he laughed, âitâs only five, you donât have to ask like that,â but five failed subjects wouldâve given you a heart attack.
he got to know that you started research with your professor, âwill i understand even if you tell me what it is?â and you laughed, âi donât think so,â he would later console you when the professor steals your work, âhe sounded like a dick anyway, you deserve a much better mentor,â he pursed his lips when he heard you sniff on the other end, âdo you think so?â and he couldnât believe how little faith you had in yourself, âof course, i do.â
you started talking at night too, and those conversations, well, you never thought you would think of them again because they were so raw and so true and they reminded you of things that you thought you had forgotten.
through a phone, you both laid your hearts bare.
âhave you been with anyone afterâŠâ his voice was rougher than you remembered, as if age and life had worn it down but both of you were still so young.
you werenât as young as you once were though.
âyeah, one guy. and you?â you twisted the necklace resting on your collarbones as you asked him slowly, you didnât want to know but you also wanted to know.
âa couple of people, yeah.â
âoh.â your disappointment was only felt by the four walls holding you in your room.
ânone of them worked out thoughâŠnone of them felt real,â jungkook bounced the smiley face foam ball in his hand as he stared up at the wall.
you didnât know if he said that to console you or if it was just how things went.
âwhy not?â
âwell, it all got so physical, there was no love or affection, i mean i didnât feel it at all,â and you sucked in a breath, trying not to let jealousy coat your tongue when you spoke, âphysical, huh.â
âdonât say it like that,â he laughed, sitting up on his bed, âthese days, thatâs how it goes, it shouldnât but yeah, i guess sex just takes a front seat in relationships now.â
you didnât want to talk about sex with jungkook, you didnât want to know who he did it with.
âmaybe.â you answered dismissively and he laughed again, âey why are you being so awkward about it? itâs a natural thing,â and you groaned in embarrassment, âcan we change the subject?â
âof course,â you sighed out in relief, âtell me, have you done anything at all?â you wanted to hit him through the phone and you let him know that, âiâm going to hit you, i swear to god, jungkook.â
âyou gotta catch a flight for that now, soâ he whistled into the phone and you didnât fight the smile growing on your face, there were no witnesses except the darkness in your room, you were free to do whatever.
âiâve only had my first kiss,â and jungkook regretted asking the question.
he had always thought he would be your first kiss.
âoh yeah?â he asked, no longer interested in knowing but for you, because it was already out, you wanted to share more with him, as a friend, so you kept going, âyeah, it was in a car,â your first kiss wasnât bad, honestly it was everything anyone would want in a first kiss.
after saying that, you realized how dirty kissing in a car sounded, so you gasped and corrected, âbut it was just a kiss, nothing else happened.â
jungkook shook his head, smiling into his phone, you still sounded so young, so much like the girl he fell in love with, âyou donât have to explain anything to me or anyone, you know that right?â
âright.â you breathed out, scolding yourself for overreacting.
âbut, you know,â he said, in a softer tone, as if his next words contained magic, âyeah?â you whispered, your fingers now clutching your locket with all your strength.
âi love what we had,â and your breath hitched, your eyes filled with tears, and your adolescence that loved him reared its head again, âour love was so pure.â he continued, sighing into the phone as he turned over in his bed.
he never loved anyone the way he loved you, he didnât even know he was capable of so much love until he met you and jungkook gave up on feeling it all again.
he waited for your reply with bated breath, not knowing if he went too far.
âit was.â
he smiled again; his heart filled with something that he tried to push away.
âdonât you have class tomorrow?â he asked, glancing at the clock that shined bright with 3:34, and you yawned, âitâs fine, keep talking.â
jungkook bit his lip to stop himself from squealing in happiness, you wanted to stay awake just to talk to him, âstill, we have tomorrow, we can talk later, you go and get some sleep.â
and there was silence for a few seconds before another yawn came from you, âyou know what, youâre right but weâll talk later,â you said, a bit dazed from how sleepy you were.
âiâm always right,â he snickered and you scoffed, âwhatever, good night, jungkook.â
âgood night.â
you couldnât stop thinking of his voice saying that your love was pure even when you dozed off and he clutched his phone to his heart, he could only wait for tomorrow to come sooner.
-
it was nice, not knowing exactly what you guys were or acknowledging your past, it was nice to pretend that you had never hurt each other in the first place. and many days passed by with both of you together, but not together.
âwhat did you do today?â you hummed into the phone as you fell onto your bed, you heard shuffling on the other side, and then noises, ïżœïżœuh iâm out right now,â his voice came in gargled and broken.
âoh, okay.â somehow, even if you tried to not think of it, you thought of how he never showed up to what would have been your first-ever date because he was out.
âiâll call you later, is that alright?â he sounded like he was screaming over the sound and you couldnât help but feel dejected, even if you had no right to feel that way now, âyeah, sure. have fun, good night.â you tried your best to sound perky and the call ended.
what were you even doing?
how did you think that talking to your ex would go or end well?
and why were you even still talking to the guy who broke your trust in people?
you rolled around on your bed, not being able to fall asleep, and not wanting to stay awake either, eventually, you gave up and read a book until you dozed off.
when you woke up the next day, there were no texts or calls from jungkook the way heâd promised he would. you threw your phone aside and got ready for the day.
then you woke up the day after, still nothing from him. and the day after, the day after that, and many days which you spent frustrated and alone.
you shouldâve known how it would end with him.
-
jungkook: hellooo (4:40 pm).
you: hey (8:30 pm).
jungkook: busy day? (9:00 pm)
you: pretty hectic, yeah. (10:30 pm)
jungkook: call? (11:04 pm)
you: iâm pretty tired, another day? (11:10 pm)
jungkook: tomorrow? (11:24 pm)
you: another day. (11:37 pm)
jungkook: okay, good night. (11:45 pm)
you: good night. (12: 20 am)
jungkook: typingâŠ
jungkook: typingâŠ
he threw his phone away.
-
you werenât sure exactly how it happened but soon, there were no messages or calls from jungkook, you heard from sunny that he shifted from the home down your lane but you didnât bother texting or calling him either, you held your head high during the day and missed his voice in the night.
after a couple of weeks of minimal communication, you returned home with a nervous smile on your face, you hoped no one in your house noticed how often you checked your phone or how you sometimes talked to yourself in the darkness of your room.
you went back to the same cafĂ©, again it was no oneâs fault that there wasnât a better cafĂ© in your city, you sat across your best friend, sipping on your hot chocolate and nodding to whatever she said, trying not to avert your gaze to your surroundings.
youâre sure you saw jungkook outside, but youâre not sure if he saw you and a nervous pit sat in your stomach at the thought of seeing him again.
why did meeting him feel like the first time every single time?
you shook your head, leaning in to hear your best friend until she got up to use the restroom, you leaned back on your chair and let out a sigh.
you couldnât even enjoy some good brunch without thinking of his ridiculous face.
then, the door opens and you pay no mind to it, you scroll through your phone, liking and watching reels and then someone sits next to you, and your eyes immediately snap up to tell them to fuck off.
but then your eyes melt.
âhey,â jungkook smiles, one of his cheeks pressed against his fist that propped him up and you almost smile back, you almost forget everything again.
the calls he never made, the texts he never sent, how he acted suddenly too busy for you, the invisible rejection, you were ready to forget it all, but you couldnât bring yourself to be okay with that.
âis it easy for you?â he sits up, his smile wavers a bit, âwhat do you mean?â
âis it easy for you to act like nothing happened? like we never fought and broke up?â you didnât recognize your voice; it came out so stern but you felt so weak.
âbut nothing happened, sure we broke up, but thatâs a normal thing, everyone goes through breakups and ends up as friends.â
âare we friends?â
he does not answer, he looks away instead at the painting of a dog on the wall.
and your anger almost runs you over.
âjungkook, are we friends?â
ââŠyeah.â he hesitates, jungkook feels his heart in his throat as you stare at him with so much disappointment and so much hurt, he never knew that you cared about the breakup, he had always thought that you wouldâve moved on very quickly but the tears flashing in your eyes proved him wrong.
he didnât know what to do with the fact that you were hurt during the breakup, he only pitied himself and thought of himself but he never stopped to think that maybe you had enough love for him, to feel hurt too.
âas my friend, i need to tell you something then,â you gathered your courage, you were going back tomorrow so you wouldnât have to deal with the reality of it.
âgo on,â he bit his lips and tapped his fingers on the table, and your friend walked back in, she raised her eyebrows at his figure sitting next to you and then looked at you with both concern and a thousand questions.
you stared at her with pursed lips and she nodded, grabbing her earphones, putting them on, and sitting across from you, head and eyes turned away from your conversation.
âi think i started liking you again,â you still liked him, âsomewhere in the middle, i got a bit confused and my feelings grew again.â you watched his reaction with careful eyes, he only looked back at you with blinking eyes.
âbut i donât like you,â came his reply, and you sucked in a breath, heartbreak fresh as ever settled in your chest.
then, why did you call me at night and tell me our love was pure?
âi know, thatâs why i said it in the past tense, i donât feel that way anymore,â but you did, you just couldnât do anything about it anymore.
âwell then, thatâs good, right? we can go back to being normal.â he clapped his hands with a joyous smile that made you want to rip his head off, âno, i donât think i can do this anymore.â
his hands fell and so did his smile, his ego returned and put a scowl on his face.
âcan you make a decision here?â he thought back to all the times you corrected him when he called you his girlfriend and his annoyance grew above his head.
âi am making a decision here, donât get snappy with meâ you spat back at him, your mind flooded with every time he led you on and hurt you, âi canât do this confusing shit with you anymore, i donât think we can ever be friends and i donât see a point in trying to force it.â you huffed out, falling back on your seat.
âso, we just never talk again?â he mumbled, you couldnât read his face anymore.
âi guess so, yeah,â another lifetime of yours flashed before your eyes as he nodded, pushing the salt and pepper shakers on the table, and then he got up abruptly.
please donât run, please make me stay this one time, you tried to beg without saying a single word.
âthen, letâs do that,â jungkook nodded at you again, he nodded at your friend and left the chair as it was before he ever came.
once again, it felt like he never existed in your life before this.
âare you okay?â your best friendâs earphones were now neatly folded on the table, and you nodded furiously, âof course i am, heâs just a guy.â
-
years passed again.
he cleared his subjects from what youâve heard, you were done with your degree, on time unlike him, from what heâs heard and jungkook was on another step of his life again.
he stared at the unfamiliar faces in his class with resignation and sighed to himself, jungkook kept lifting and dropping his phone at every notification and groaning every time he saw it was from his life insurance, his one message remained unread.
jungkook: i start my master's today. (5:00 am)
he stared at the message until his eyes grew blurry, it was noon now and you hadn't seen it, intentionally of course, and just when he put it down one more time, he heard a ping.
you: good luck. (11:45 am)
he stared at it until he grew annoyed and deleted the entire chat.
-
you were going to america to study, it had taken a lot out of you in preparation for it and after hugging your parents and family goodbye and crying for hours in the airport, you pulled out your phone and nervously hovered over his profile. you started typing with dried-up tear streaks on your face.
you: iâm going to america today.
jungkook: really?
jungkook felt uneasy about the sudden large distance between you two even if you hadnât spoken in ages.
jungkook: all the best.
jungkook: be happy, always.
you bit your lip as you looked away with a quivering chin and tears lined your eyes again, you deleted the entire chat too.
-
a year into being on a new continent, you felt all kinds of homesickness and excitement for your new home still, you worked harder than you ever had. and as bad as it sounds, you had forgotten that you once knew a boy called jungkook or that you ever loved him with your entire being.
he had become a thing of the past, something you never talked about anymore even if your friends brought up exes and relationships, he became a ghost of sorts, and only you could see him now.
you didnât know what he was up to, if he ever finished his masters or racked up backlogs there too and you didnât bother yourself by thinking about it too much.
but when it came to jungkook, you didnât have to think about him to come into your life, he just came and went whenever he wanted.
nothing else could explain why you would find him, of all people in the world, under the neon lights of a house party that you were at, on a different continent.
and you didnât feel anything, not any residual love or even the desire to be near him, you just felt wary about seeing him again.
he also saw you and gave a nervous smile. you smiled back and disappeared into the balcony.
suddenly, your wariness grew into pain, and your pain grew into a longing that you shouldnât feel anymore.
you slid down on the wall and brought your knees up to hug them as you laid your head on your thighs and breathed, just breathed.
the balcony door opened again.
you knew who it was. maybe you had hoped that this would happen too, but for now, you didnât look at him.
you heard his groan as he sat down beside you, his hands and knees almost touching yours.
and thatâs when you realize, in all the years youâve known him, this was the closest he ever came to you.
was this why he had called your love pure then?
because you had never touched each other, but felt each other in every corner of your existence?
âwhat are you doing here?â you whispered into your legs but he still heard you, âvacation, didnât think iâd see you here.â
âi didnât think either.â
âkind of ridiculous, isnât it?â he laughed with emotion you couldnât decipher, his warmth bled into you as you leaned on him a bit.
you felt the shape of a cigarette box in his pockets but swallowed your hurt.
after years, maybe you just wanted to touch him and see what itâs like. and he didnât question your knees knocking against his.
âthat we keep running into each other? iâm starting to think you stalk me,â you teased, a small weight of your longing lifted off you.
âoh please, if anything, you are stalking me,â he teased right back, feeling himself ease into this situation with you, just like every other time.
but as nice as it was to be this comfortable, you were still so consumed with questions that haunted you. and there was no one else here, no best friends, no sisters, no parents to worry about, no one but you and him.
âwhy didnât you admit that you liked me back then?â you lifted your head to stare at him, there was no malice in your question nor any accusation, just curiosity.
âso, you knew?â he cleared his throat with a sheepish smile on his face, jungkookâs eyes shined the same way they had when you were in that bus, all those years ago.
âyou told me our love was pure at 3 am, it wasnât too hard to understand,â you shrugged, as if saying it out loud didnât take your entire heart out of your chest.
he shook his head while laughing softly, âalways such a smartass,â and you smiled, âyouâre just too dumb.â
thatâs when he really laughed and the stars of the night came together to light his face up as he threw his head back, you stopped yourself from falling in love again.
âwell,â he breathed out, jungkookâs face contorted to become more serious and you knew that whatever he said next took a lot for him too.
âyou always felt too big for my love, as if i could give you everything and that still wouldnât be enough.â
your eyes dropped at their corners.
âwhat?â
âi donât know, you were always so passionate, so good to others, so fucking smart and you had your shit figured out, you always told me these things that sounded so magical but i never fully understood them. i knew i couldnât ever match up to that, even if i loved you with all of me,â he whispered, he clenched his eyes shut to avoid looking at you as he spoke, âi knew that even if i loved you, i couldnât love you the way someone else could, someone who could love and match up to you.â
âjungkook,â you whispered too but your voice broke, and your throat grew scratchy with emotion.
âiâm telling the truth by the way, when you said you were leaving for america, it took everything in me to not pack a bag and follow you,â then, he opened his eyes and looked at you, you felt like you were back in 9th grade, staring at him with a tilt of your head.
âwhy did you say you stopped liking me then?â he asked next and waited patiently for you to wipe the corners of your eyes.
âi was always afraid that somewhere i would disappoint you and the idea of our relationship. you liked me so much and i felt that i had to live up to what you liked, otherwise, you wouldnât like me and iâd be alone again,â you whispered the last part slower than anything else, âthat wasnât your fault though, i guess i was just scared of not being who i thought we would be.â
you sniffed and stared at your feet that lined up with his.
he stayed silent beside you until your sniffs grew louder.
then, he pulled your head over his shoulder and let you cry until the sunrise came and took away everything that the night tried to protect.
you woke up in an empty bed the next morning and when you left, you saw jungkook sitting on the couch, long arms stretching over the back of it, you stopped for a second to see if heâd get up and wrap them around you, to acknowledge all the love he showed you last night, you waited for him to utter a word that would make you stay.
but he only blinks at you.
you run out the door, you donât know if his voice calling to you was him, or a creation of your deepest, most shameful wishes.
-
several years passed once more.
you donât know why you invited jungkook to your wedding, you didnât know if he would even come, but seeing him enter through the same doors that your now-husband had, pierced you with something sharp. he came up the stage, his eyes never left your face, and stood next to you for a photograph.
you didnât look to see if he smiled or not. his hands hovered over your waist and your breath got caught in your throat, jungkook handed your husband a bouquet with a polite smile, he looked older, and quieter but his eyes remained shiny as ever.
when he started to pull apart and leave, you grabbed his arm, âstay for dinner, okay?â and he nodded, giving you a playful salute and exiting the stage.
you smiled at your husband and continued to take photos.
at dinner, you and your husband sat next to him as polite hosts would and talked about superficial things; jobs, taxes, work-life balance, and life.
âi think iâll leave now,â he got up from his seat and you got up too, âiâll see him off and come back,â you squeezed your husbandâs hands which jungkook looked away from.
outside, it was just the two of you again.
âdo you love him?â you werenât shocked at his question.
âi do.â you really do.
âbut you never loved me, did you?â he laughed bitterly, but his face held years of hurt and you held back your tears.
âi did.â you really did.
jungkook had been waiting to hear those words for half of his life and now that heâs heard them, he thinks he can let you go now.
âit was not easy for me to invite you.â you admitted with a nervous laugh, your eyes darting down to the gravel road.
âit isn't easy for me to be here,â he loosened his tie around his neck and his voice now reminded you of how old your first love got and how far away you were from the bus where you fell in love.
âbut god, after so long,â your voice held every bit of yearning and nostalgia you felt.
a montage of your very young, very long, and very stupid love played in your eyes and you blinked it away.
âit sucks that we didn't work out.â it didnât just suck, if jungkook told you how he really felt about seeing you with your husband, you would slap him.
he could do better, he wonât but he could.
âmaybe we were just supposed to love each other then, you know? maybe it wasn't supposed to grow at all,â you answered, even if you knew it wasnât entirely the truth, your love growing was out of your control.
but maybe you two werenât ever supposed to love each other so much, maybe you were supposed to love each other a little and then let it go but both of you had been stubborn, both of you clung onto the innocence of your love, something that you paid the price for, for years.
âi dont know about all that, i just know that our love was-â
âpure.â you told and jungkook smiled, shaking his head, âyes, pure.â
âi still don't know why i loved you so much,â jungkook wondered why it had started, the deep infatuation and affection he held for you, was unnatural.
âi don't either,â you never understood why your lives were entangled for so long.
âwill i see you again?â there was no hope in his tone, only a simple question with a simple affection.
âno, i think this is a good ending point, don't you?â
âso i don't get to show off my wife like you showed off your husband?â
âwell in that case, maybe we will.â though, you burned on the inside as you imagined another person standing next to him.
âright, maybe we will.â
a silent smile passed between you two and when jungkook left, he squeezed your hands, âthank you for letting me feel love so early in my life. i wish you and your husband well.â
âthank you for loving me so early in my life. i wish you and your future wife well.â
he walked away but he looked back.
please donât stay with him for too long.
you gave a weak smile.
please donât find someone else.
and then you separated, another lifetime ended but this time, for the both of you.
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saw a tiktok of a dad laying down and his kids coloring his tattoos on his back and đ«đ«đ«đ«đ« that is so jungkook coded đ«đ«đ«đ« im emo now đ«đ«đ«đ«
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whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision
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[130/547] â until we meet again, jungkook âĄ
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sleepwalking â 23 | jjk
pairing: jungkook x fem!reader
summary: due to unfortunate circumstances, you ended up managing your ex-boyfriendâs band. you thought youâve both made peace with it, but suddenly heâs very eager to prove to you that first love never dies.
genre: rockstar!jungkook / exes to lovers
warnings: explicit language, mentions of drugs (nothing graphic), descriptive SMUT (pet names and a sprinkle of worship included, beware), fluff and too much flirting to be allowed, some angst, SLOW BURN
words: 19.8k
read from the beginning â masterlist
chapter 23 âș in this open warfare, i won't fight fair, and in your waking moments, i will be there
The next morning, you and Jungkook took Minjun, Luna, and Maggie to a small restaurantâunreasonably far from your hotel in Londonâto have a late breakfast and to plot. The five of you were a lot more concerned with the latter, and the bacon and egg sandwiches on your plates were relegated to mere decoration.
You had already discussed your plan with Luna and Maggie over the phone last night, but you wanted to meet everyone in person to ensure you were all on the same page, and to inform Jungkook of his role (which was intentionally non-existent).
You believed that the fewer members of Rated Riot got tangled up in Sidâs slimy web, the lower the risk of collateral damage. Ideally, you would have left Jungkook out entirely. But his friendship with Sid made him a linchpin in the machinations of your schemeâhe would be the most affected if something went awry.
âThis plan relies heavily on the circumstances, I admit,â you said, while your friends feigned interest in their food to avoid the disapproving glances of the restaurant staff. âBut maybe that will work to our advantage because we will hardly have to do anything. We will draw the authoritiesâ attention to Sid, and thatâs it. Heâll do the rest himself.â
âYeah,â Minjun added as your primary accomplice in this scheme. He was busy trying to stop his napkins from blowing away in the fierce wind on the restaurantâs terrace. âAnd thatâs why we need Jude to let us into their hotel roomââ
âWait,â had become Jungkookâs new favourite word. He used it now, too. âAnd are we sure that Jude wonât change his mind?â
Maggie and Luna turned to you, mirroring Jungkookâs skepticism.
âWeâre not,â you admitted. You were aware of the risk, but time has never been more of the essence, and Jude was your best option. âWeâre not telling him too much and hoping for the best.â
âAnd to be honest,â Minjun added, âthe fact that she gave him that laundry list of shit to doââ
âWait,â Jungkook said again. âWhat list?â
You waved off his question, but Minjun answered on your behalf, clinging to this as if it was the only convincing evidence the five of you had against Jude changing his mind.
âLike, vitamins and stuff,â he explained. âTo ease his withdrawals. I donât know if he followed her instructions, but anyone could see how much it meant to him, just the fact that she cared enough. Maybe thatâll be what keeps him on our side, even though heâs back with Sid right now.â
Maggie wrinkled her nose in clear disapproval, although you knew she would have reacted the same way if sheâd seen Judeâher heart was bigger than her head, bless her.
âHeâs done nothing to deserve this from you,â she pointed out.
âYeah, heâyeah,â Jungkook agreed, the confidence in his voice wavering as he alternated between gratitude for your concern about Jude, and guilt for putting you in this position. âYou didnât have to help him.â
âHeâs really not doing well,â you said. âAnd donât think Iâm so kind, I acted largely out of my own self-interest. We need him for our plan.â
Jungkook recalled Judeâs sneezing, his shivers in forty-degree heat, and his nausea. All of his symptoms always came and went without warning, but the memory of someone going out of their way for him was likely to stay.
âOkay,â Jungkook acquiesced. âThatâsâletâs keep going.â
âWe wonât need to involve Jude every step of the way, though, right?â Luna clarified. âI mean, I assumed weâd mainly need him to get rid of whatever Sid has in his phone gallery.â
âYeah, but not justâweâre not just deleting the videos with Jungkook,â you said, glancing at Minjun, who had supported you wholeheartedly when you mentioned this part of the plan to him. He nodded now, too, encouraging you to explain. âWeâll delete everything he has in his Cloud storage and factory reset his phone. I doubt Sid had enough sense to back up his files to an external drive, so this will clear every copy of everything he has on there.â
Maggieâs eyes finally lit up with lively excitement, Luna nodded in agreement, and you felt a smile forming on your own lips, too.
Jungkook, on the other hand, appeared almost disappointed.
âW-we donât have to go through all of this just to delete those videos,â he said, fixing his gaze on his untouched cup of matcha latte; the artwork on the surface had begun to blur. âThose things happened. I did all of that shit, and Sid recorded it. Thatâs who I was back then, and maybe I shouldnât try toââ
You interrupted his wordsâthe ones youâd already heard beforeâwith a gentle touch of your hand over his restless fingers, and Jungkook stilled, turning to you.
âNo, those videos are not who you are. You are the one who decides who you are,â you reiterated once more and the table fell silent around you as if everyone had witnessed something they were not supposed to. âAnd if you want to leave those things in the past, you should be able to. Sid has no right to bring it up now.â
âBut if we lock Sid up,â he persisted, âthen maybe those videos wonât matter anyway.â
âHe could publish them,â Minjun countered. âHe sent them directly to you now, but he could post them publicly later. Iâm sure heâd find a way to do that even behind bars.â
Jungkook felt a rush of dizziness and he was very grateful that youâd pressed your hand on his. Minjun was right. Sid had done something like this before when heâd posted your picture; he clearly wasnât above making private matters public.
âWe would leave the videos be, let Sid have them, whatever,â you continued, reading the colour on his face, âbut he wants to use them against you. Heâs cutting them up to paint you as an irresponsible asshole. And youâre not an asshole, Jungkook.â
âYeah,â Minjun agreed. âAnd I talked to Jude about an hour ago. He sounded sober, which is shocking to me, but, anywayâSid has plans to go out tonight, so Jude should be able to do this tomorrow morning while Sidâs still passed out.â
The whole terrace of the restaurant seemed to hold its breath in anticipation as soon as he said that, the clink of cutlery and the muffled chatter around you growing tense.
Jungkook, even dizzier now, turned back to you once more. You gave him a small nod.
He took a breath and nodded back. âOkay. Alright. Fine. Letâs do it.â
âGood!â Maggie cheered from across the table. She turned to Jungkook, and you watched as her reassuring tone chased the last doubts from his eyes. âEven without those videos, we need to do this to get back at Sid. And I know this will do just that. Iâd be tearing my hair out if someone cleansed my Cloud.â
You noticed that Maggie was much more vigilant with her phone today, hardly letting it out of her sight. Sheâd improved her security measures and had to enter her passcode every time she wanted to reply to a text today, because the facial recognition struggled to recognise the wind in her hair. This was the reason she hadnât bothered with it before, but Sid had taught her a valuable lesson.
You gave your friend an agreeing nod and settled against the back of your chair.
Luna sat on your other side, leaning her elbows on the table, and she quickly noted the way Jungkookâs eyes widened when you pulled back, as if you had torn off a piece of his skin. She glanced at Maggie, who noticed nothing and kept checking the time on her phone as if she was late for another meeting to plan someoneâs arrest.
Somewhat disappointed, Luna turned back to you, her grin doubling in size to compensate for her lack of company in teasing you.
âOne big problem,â you said, focused on the intricacies of your plan and, therefore, unaware of your surroundings, âlies in our next steps. If we manage to get Sid arrested, he will likely weaponise his friendship with Jungkook. Heâll try to make it seem like theyâre as close as brothers, and if heâs going to jail for meth possession, then Jungkook is probably doing drugs, too.â
You pulled your phone out from your bag and allowed for the weight of your words to settle on the table like a heavy grey tablecloth while you opened your gallery.
âSo, this morning,â you continued, âMaggie and I put something together. This is a list of people who are banned from Rated Riotâs shows.â
You passed your phone to Luna first. She looked at the screen, nodded, and handed the phone to Maggie, who smiled to herself right awayâshe had designed the layout of the list and was very pleased with it.
By the time your phone reached Jungkook, he was already squirming in his chair. As he examined the list of names, displayed in bold white letters on a black background with a crumpled paper texture that Maggie had crafted and digitalised herself, he realised that the only name he recognised was Sidâs.
He looked up. âBut if you post thatâthatâsâisnât it supposed to be confidential?â
âI wonât post it,â you said. âWeâll leak it.â
âOh.â A gleam of affection suddenly sparkled in his eyes. He felt a little like heâd just met you for the first time, all over again. âCan we do that?
Maggie reached across the table, snatching your phone from Jungkookâs hand to see the picture of the list again. She scrutinised the names for a minute as if trying to uncover the social security numbers of the people listed.
âNo,â you replied. âBut Sid never played fair, so weâre simply levelling the playing field. The other names on the list are made up anyway. Theyâre generic enough to match someone on Facebook, but no one will know which person is on this list.â
âBut theyâll recognise Sid,â Maggie pointed out, squinting at your phone. âEven though heâs listed as Isidore here. Right?â
âThatâs him, yeah,â you confirmed. âAnd youâre right. Everyone will recognise Sid. Weâll leak this before he gets arrested, and anything he says after that will just be taken as blatant slander.â
Jungkook took another deep breath and glanced at your phone, which Maggie slid towards you across the table. It bumped against the corner of your empty water glass.
âWonât there be consequences if something else leaks?â he asked, his teeth grazing his bottom lip.
âYeah, I was thinking that, too,â you admitted. âBut then, Luna texted me a brilliant idea last night.â
You gestured towards your friend, and she continued.
âItâll be accidental,â she explained. âMaggie usually posts backstage pictures on her Instagram. She has almost as many followers as the main account of your band at this point. So, later today, she will post a new set of pictures, and this list of names will just happen to be visible in some shots. Just a coincidence, really. And then we hope that one of your fans will notice it, zoom in, catch Sidâs name, and share it.â
Jungkook looked down, nodding to himself. He realised that Sid stood little chance against the collective resolve of everyone at this table.
âThey will notice it,â he said. âI donât doubt it.â
âWeâll have to rely on them to spread this,â you added. âEven though this list isnât really something we need to hide. Itâs just, you know, sort of customary in the industry to keep your dirty laundry to yourself.â
âAlright,â Jungkook said, sensing the weight of everyoneâs gaze on him. He had the feeling that everyone was waiting for his final approval to move forward with this plan. âSo, uh, Maggie wonât get into trouble for posting it?â
âHmm?â Maggie looked up from her phone at the sound of her name. âOh. No. Iâm the photographer. As long as I get good shots, I never get in trouble. And this wouldnât be the first time Iâve taken a picture that reveals more than I intended.â
She gave you a sheepish look, and you shook your head, sensing where the guilt in her eyes stemmed from. Maggie knew that Sid was behind the chaos caused by the bathtub picture, but she still felt a gnawing sense of responsibility because she was the one who had taken the picture.
âAlright. You, uhâyou guys really put a lot of thought into this,â Jungkook remarked, looking at you first, then at your friends, and finally at Minjun on his other side. âIâm, uhâI-Iâm actually a little afraid of you.â
Luna and Minjun snickeredâMaggie was back on her phone, but she was smiling, tooâand their excitement made you feel much more optimistic.
âGood,â you said, reaching out to touch Jungkookâs hand again. He immediately turned his hand round and firmly clasped yoursâto ensure you wouldnât pull away this time. âSid should be, too.â
A tense silence settled over the table, punctuated by the subdued conversations on the terrace.
For the first time since you arrived at the restaurant, Jungkook finally took a sip of his coffee. It tasted bitter and lukewarm. You refrained from touching yours, but accepted a bite of Lunaâs tiramisu. Everyone else at the table seemed to remember simultaneously that they had ordered food when they got here.
âUh,â Maggie spoke up after a second, still chewing on the brown crust of her bacon and egg tart. âIs this a safe space for us to voice our, uh, concerns?â
You straightened in your seat, bracing yourself before sheâs even said anything. Jungkook sensed your growing anxiety and squeezed your hand.
âOf course,â you replied, keeping your voice steady.
âOkay.â Maggie swallowed and set down her fork after taking exactly one and a half bites. âWell, Iâm worried that Sid will say something provocative and one of us will end up getting arrested for assault.â
There was something absurdly comical in her questionâor the potential outcome it suggestedâand you could see Minjun quickly lower his head to conceal his broad smile.
Jungkook, meanwhile, was extremely pleased that no one turned to look at him, the person who had, more or less, already assaulted Sid before. It comforted him to know that everyone here would have loved to smack Sid upright in the head, too.
âThatâs a great point,â you said, clearing your throat. âIf he provokes youâwell, then you might have a legitimate reason to, uh, land a good punch. You probably wouldnât be held in custody too long for that. Thereâs no premeditation, you acted on impulse because of something he said.â
Minjun raised an eyebrow at you from across the table.
âI thought our focus was drug laws,â he said. âDid you research assault, too?â
âI researched assault laws the day I met Sid,â you deadpanned.
He snorted. âYeah, fair enough.â
âNot to mention, we can always argue itâs self-defence,â Luna added, prodding her sandwich with a toothpick as if it were a not-quite-dead bug. âSid is veryâletâs say, aggressive.â
âThatâs true,â Minjun agreed. âEspecially when heâs irritated.â
The energy around the table had increased considerably; everyone seemed to have something to say about possible reasons to hit Sid. Maggie was already listing five ways to throw a punch that would knock out your opponentâshe had a WikiHow article open and was illustrating it with enthusiastic demonstrations on Minjun.
You realised, quite suddenly, how happy you were to sit here with your friends. They were smart and cunning enough to rob a bank, escape a prison, and start a money laundering scheme all in a week, but they chose to be sweet and loving and a little vengeful instead. You felt almost giddy.
âHe wouldnât throw the first punch, though,â Jungkook interjected with a hint of frustrated sorrow. Maggie halted her research, retracting her fist from Minjunâs cheek. âHeâll just keep running his mouth until you strike him. And heâll make sure the provocation is very minimal.â
âWell, sure, but who at this table will attest to any of that?â Luna questioned, undeterred. âEveryone who witnessed Sid throwing the first punch, raise your hands.â
All of you raised your hands in perfect synchronisation, and Jungkook felt himself smile again.
He had never doubted the success of your plan, even if he doubted the details. But sitting here now, while all of you held your hands up, he was fully convinced that this meeting marked the beginning of the end for Sid.
âRight. Okay,â he said. âI like how this is looking.â
âMe too,â Maggie said, locking her phone and slouching in her chair. âI feel better now. Didnât want to spend the night at the police station.â
âYou wouldnât,â Luna assured her. âWeâd bail you out.â
She snickered. âThatâs good toââ
Jungkook suddenly jumped up in his chair, interrupting her.
âWhat about Sidâs bail?â he asked urgently. âCan heâcould he pay for his release?â
Everyone at the table turned to you once more. When you and Minjun did your research yesterday, your focus had quickly turned from penalties to potential loopholes that Sid might use with his money, so you understood their sudden concern.
âNo,â you said. âApparently, it doesnât work like that here. They would give him bail automatically; he wouldnât have to pay. But they need to charge him with a specific offence first, and they wonât know the exact charges until they know what, uh, substances he was carrying on him and keeping in his hotel roomâoh, and how much. Not to mention, bail may be denied if there is a risk that heâll commit further crimes. And we know Sid is violent. He will not sit idly in his little cell.â
âYeah,â Minjun agreed. âWeâre 95% sure he wonât be given bail.â
You nodded, grateful for his confidence.
âSo, we definitely wonât be in London by the time they charge him,â Maggie concluded, frowning. She regretted not ordering whiskey instead of espresso; alcohol helped her think.
âDefinitely not,â you confirmed. âOur plan concludes with Sidâs arrest, everything else is not our problem anymore. And weâre only participating in this as the staff of Rated Riot, so the only people who will have to speak to the police are those who will be present when they arrive at the venue tomorrow. So, ideally, only Luna, Mick, and me. Thatâs it. Thatâs as far as weâre getting involved.â
âWait,â Jungkook said. He understood the need for Mickâs presence and felt comforted that youâd have someone from security with you, but now he was worried about your friend. âWhy Luna?â
âWe need an additional witness to observe Sidâs erratic behaviour,â Luna explained. âWe thought itâd be better to have someone random, and not just your manager and head of security there.â
Jungkook kept his gaze on hers. âHow do you know heâll behave erratically?â
She gave him a look.
âRight.â He leaned back in his seat. âGood point. Okay.â
He already knew that the odds were good that Sid would try to provoke you tomorrow, but now he realised that even if Sid suddenly decided to be docile, it wouldnât matter. The five of you were tight as a gloveâSid could sit in a corner, purring and meowing, and you would all collectively claim that he was threatening you.
Finally, Jungkook realised that he had narrowly escaped something dreadful, and he felt very grateful to find himself at this table, and not on the other side of this plan.
âI, uhâthis isnât a concern exactly,â you said after a minute. âBut I have to say that a lot of this hinges on Sid trusting my word, and Iâmâwell, Iâm not sure if heâll care about anything I tell him.â
Minjun looked almost offended. He was the one who devised this strategy after you told him that you needed a way to quickly draw the attention of the authorities to Sid.
Why donât you call him? Minjun had suggested. And invite him to meet you.
You had thought heâd decided to go insane right before talking to you. But youâd kept your suspicions to yourself because, ultimately, calling Sid seemed like the only option. It felt unfair, however, not to mention your doubts now.
âActually, I agree,â Jungkook said, giving you a long look. âIâm not sure if Iâm comfortable with any of that. Youâll have to be alone in a room with Sid. And we canât be sure that he wonâtââ
âSid will care,â Minjun asserted, ignoring everything Jungkook had said. He kept his gaze on you, his certainty almost as intimidating as it was comforting. âMaybe not because he has feelings for you, but because youâre Jungkookâs girlfriend.â
Maggie looked up from her phone, surprised about the possibility of Sid having any feelings at all, and turned to Luna. The two of them finally exchanged the look that Luna had been waiting for.
âAnd youâre okay with doing this?â Jungkook asked you, his gaze flickering from your eyes to your lips. He was careful not to miss any hint of dishonesty.
âIâm okay if this actually works,â you said. âIf Sid shows up. If we get him arrested. Iâm willing to try this if youâre all sure that weâll succeed. And I wouldnât be all by myself anyway.â
âYeah, donât worry about that part,â Maggie said to Jungkook, rolling up her sleeves for emphasis. Technically, she wasnât supposed to be at the scene tomorrow, but she felt she had a personal debt to settle with Sid, so she would find a way to interfere if she had to. âI can fight.â
Jungkook looked at her in a way that was more amused than it was skepticalâMaggie was very small in size, but very big in energyâand she tried to flex her arms to prove her point.
âI believe you,â he said, a smile breaking through his uncertainty. âI just donât like that this will all be happening during our show. I wonât be there with you.â
âThatâs just the plan,â you said. âWe need to keep you away from him so that anything he says later wonât carry any weight. Heâs obsessed with you and he has problems, and youâve been distancing yourself from him for some time now. Weâll release an official statement about your, uh, separation once weâre done with him. And the leaked blacklist will back up our claims.â
A resigned acceptance clouded Jungkookâs features: he understood that this was the right decision, but he couldnât help feeling unhappy about it. However, although he would have typically complained and whined about thisâand you expected him toânow his posture was stoic.
You felt a little dispirited. You knew you wouldnât joke around much today, but Jungkookâs unusually serious demeanour emphasised the gravity of the situation even more.
âOkay,â Minjun said. âAny other concerns?â
You shifted your gaze to him.
âActually, I have another one,â you said. âIâm also worried about how this will affect your parents.â
The two girls beside you exchanged another glanceâyou hadnât explained Minjunâs familyâs dependence on Sidâs mother yet.
âIf Sidâs in prison?â Minjun asked, unperturbed. âWell, their stocks will probably drop, so it will be weird to throw a party. I think weâll celebrate quietly.â
You glanced at Jungkook, and he met your eye with an amused grin.
âYou sure youâre okay with this?â he asked Minjun then.
âAre you kidding?â Minjun looked optimistic and upbeat. He seemed ready to take on the world, and locking up Sid was just the first step. âWe should have done this years ago.â
Maggie suddenly slammed her palm on the table, forcing everyoneâs coffee cups to rattle against the plates.
âThatâs what Iâm talking about!â she exclaimed, and her excitement quickly spread to the rest of the table.
âI agree,â Luna added, much quieter. âBut maybe itâs time we headed out. The people at the next table are whispering and, uh, pointing at Jungkook.â
Jungkook raised his eyebrows and turned to you instead of looking around, his expression filled with a shocked wonder. He had only been recognised in public a handful of times since Rated Riot started out, and each instance had left an indelible mark on him.
You gave him a smile and a nod that spurred him out of his chair and towards the people at the neighbouring table, all of whom held their breaths when he stood up.
You glanced back at your friendsâall smiling as they watched Jungkook introduce himself and singlehandedly cut off the air supply of four different peopleâand you thought about how wonderful it would have been if you had met Maggie and Luna earlier. If Jungkook and Minjun had stopped entertaining Sidâs whims sooner. If you and Jungkook had never broken up at all.
Perhaps, you thought, there was an alternative universe where youâd known and loved these people your whole life. You felt very close to that universe now.
Just as you finished your breakfastâwhere the five of you consumed one cup of coffee and half a slice of tiramisu in totalâyou executed the first step of your plan and sent a text message to Sid. It was innocuous, just a conversational, âare you ever going to stop doing this?â but it was meant to serve as a subtle precursorâso as not to approach him out of the blue tomorrow.
Then, as the five of you exited the restaurant, Maggie got enthralled by the most gracious little corgi sitting at a table, and dragged Luna and Minjun (who looked like he was not sure what was happening) back inside to ask for pictures. You and Jungkook opted for a scenic route back to the hotel instead.
Although the day was overcast, the sky did not look particularly ominous, offering instead an unexpected serenity that you thought you could use to clear your thoughts.
Interestingly, fresh air was not what you really needed at all. It was his hand holding yours as you strolled past extravagant hotels and expensive restaurants near Hyde Park, weaving through crowds of rushing tourists and cranky locals.
You felt significantly lighter with your hand in his, but Jungkook still appeared troubled. The shadows on his face were far more pronounced than those in the sky.
âWhatâs on your mind?â you asked.
He let out a weary sigh as he met your gaze. He seemed overwhelmedâas though his head was trying very hard to grow twice as large to contain all his thoughts, while the rest of his body fought desperately to resist the growth.
âIâwell, I didnât want to say this in front of everyone,â he started slowly, âbut Iâm worried about you.â
âMe?â You frowned. âWhâbecause of Sid?â
âBecause youâre doing all of this on top of your other responsibilities,â he said. âI donât want you to burn out.â
Your expression visibly softened, but dark edges of guilt still coated the appreciation in your eyes. You felt disappointed in yourselfâfor letting it get so far that, over a week later, Jungkook still sometimes looked at you as though you might faint any second.
âThat wonât happen,â you replied, your tone gentle, but determined. âI promise. And Iâm not alone. I have so much help. And this wonâtâitâs just a few days. We deal with it tomorrow, and itâs over.â
âOkay. But what if itâs not?â he questioned then. âWeâre heading to Paris right after we, potentially, deal with Sid. And what if it doesnât work, and weâre not here to fix it?â
You had to admit, this same possibility had been weighing on your mind ever since Jude first mentioned the bags of drugs in Sidâs hotel room. However, as soon as you saw Jungkookâs solemn features, you found yourself resisting all these worries. You would figure it out, no matter what happened, just so he wouldnât have to worry about it anymore.
You shrugged nonchalantly. âThen it wonât work.â
âHeâll be furious,â Jungkook said. âEven more vindictive than before.â
âI know,â you replied. âBut no matter what he decides to do, we wonât back down, either.â
Jungkook frowned so deeply that several new wrinkles declared permanent residence between his brows. He dreaded the idea of spending a lifetime seeking revenge.
You sensed the reason for his apprehensionâyou wanted this over quickly, tooâand instinctively squeezed his hand.
âIâm with you,â you said, reaching for your phone to check if Sid had reacted to your text. âAnd I told you, Iâm not entirely convinced that this will work, either. I mean, here, look. Sid hasnât replied. But if this plan falls through, weâll come up with something else. Maybe somethingâwell, less grand.â
He glanced at your phone, toying with his lip ring between his teeth. The prospect of failure felt more daunting with each second that Sid remained free to do whatever he pleased.
Jungkook didnât want to do something else. He wanted this to work.
âMaybe he hasnât replied because Jude deleted everything,â he suggested, searching for a plausible explanation that aligned with your plan. âIncluding the texts.â
âNo, thatâs tomorrow,â you reminded him. He groaned. âWe needâSid needs to notice my texts first. Then we delete them. Iâll use a disposable SIM card tomorrow, so thereâs no trace that I ever contacted him.â
Jungkook felt like his head had already grown far too large for his body. He was a bit unsteady on his feet and clutched your hand tighter.
âRight,â he said. âOkay. Thatâyeah, no.â He lifted your intertwined hands to scratch something at his forehead. âMy head is spinning. I canât remember that much.â
You gave him a sympathetic nod. âThatâs fine.â
âIâm not saying that Iâd be too dumb to follow a plan like this,â he felt the need to insist.
âI didnât think that.â
âIâm just saying,â he continued. âThereâs a lot.â
You nodded in exaggerated agreement again. âMhmm.â
His eagerness to prove his intelligence to you was very endearing. But it was a little funny, too, and Jungkook stopped walking to study your expression more closely. After a moment, he came to an appalling conclusion.
âYou think Iâm dumb,â he said.
A wide smile finally broke out on your face. âI think youâre very pretty.â
âVery prâokay.â His expression shifted as you laughed, pulling on his hand to continue walking after an elderly couple gave you a rather well-deserved disapproving look for blocking their path. âPretty and dumb. Is that your type?â
âIt is,â you said, grinning. âThatâs why youâre the only boyfriend Iâve had.â
He raised his eyebrows and scoffed. âOhâwow. Wow. I am both very flattered and very offended.â
You chuckled, gently pushing his shoulder with yours. Jungkook shook his head and finally smiled, too. But right as he prepared to say something else, he ended up having to quickly yank your hand, pulling you into him and out of the way of an oncoming bicycle.
âShit,â you were breathless against his chest as the bike drove past, your hair whipping forcefully in the wind, âthank you.â
âPretty and dumb,â he said, allowing you to take a step away from him now that the danger has passed, âbut with great reflexes, huh?â
You laughed again, leaning into him when you did and successfully dissolving everything sharp and uncomfortable in his chest.
âI know youâre not dumb,â you said. âAnd letâs be realistic: Minjun and I had been simmering in the details of this plan for days. You just barely learned about it a few hours ago. Weâve got this. I wanted you to know what weâll do, but I donât want you to be involved at all.â
âYeah. Iâno, I justâŠâ he faltered, weighing his next words. The thought of everything that would happen tomorrow made his stomach feel very heavy. âI feel like youâre trying to protect me from Sid by keeping me out of this, and IâmâI donât know how that makes me feel.â
âWeâre not just keeping you out, weâre keeping the whole band out,â you said. âI want to protect all four of you. And if anything, youâre the only member who isnât entirely excluded. Does that⊠make it any better?â
Jungkook considered this for a moment.
âNot sure,â he said. âBecause Iâm still not participating.â
Exhaling softly, you looked around, searching for a quiet spot on the pavement where the two of you could step away from the crowd. Nearby, there were two traditional phone booths that tourists were gathered around, obstructing your view. Once you passed them, you noticed a parking meter right by the park gate that everyone seemed to avoid. You decided to pause there.
Jungkook glanced around before stopping in front of you, slightly unsettled by the large, dark green hedge covering the park fence, and all the bugs that emerged from itâbees, mostly. They all seemed very curious about him.
âOkay, look at it this way,â you began. âSid has known you and Minjun since you were kids. He knows all your weak points. He can predict exactly how you and Minjun will react in any situation. Sure, you took him off guard when you gave up your Katana, but he can still read you very well. He doesnât have that luxury with me, Luna, or Maggie. Heâs less certain about our reactions. Who else could do this if not us?â
âRight,â Jungkook murmured. âBut youâre still going out of your way for me, and I feelââ
âAnd why wouldnât I?â you interrupted. âI love you.â
He thought he died for just a second and it felt surprisingly nice: he could feel something soft and warm against his skinâthe phantom shivers of every time youâve touched him beforeâand he could taste a sweet, lingering flavour on his tongueâfrom every time he felt your mouth against his own.
He would never tire of hearing you say you loved him. The only downside was that his chest usually attempted to collapse in on itself right after that, leaving him speechless for anywhere from a minute to several days.
âNot to mention,â you continued while Jungkook fought against the haze in his mind and the bumblebees around his neck. âSid has long stopped at just you. With the videos and pictures heâs sending you, heâs threatening everyone on this tour. Anything that affects your reputation, affects the band and the staff, too. So, when you look at it like that, weâre really doing this for everyone.â
Finally, Jungkook managed to stop his thoughts from pulling him in every direction and anchored himself to this pavement right hereâwith you, and the persistent bugs, and the chattering of people as they walked past you.
He squeezed your hand that he had not let goânot now, and probably not ever, reallyâand exhaled.
âYeah, I get that,â he said. âBut I was the one who brought him here, and thatâsâI guess thatâs whatâs bothering me right now.â
âYou did bring him here,â you agreed.
âIâoh.â He looked up, his eyebrows knitting together. He had expected something else. An âI told you that was a shit decisionâ or a sarcastic âyeah, and thanks for thatââbut your kind expression did not change. âY-yeah. I did.â
âBut weâll get him out,â you said.
Jungkook held your hand and observed you, trying to process this while simultaneously trying to figure out what was it about him that attracted these British bees to him so much. It couldnât be his cologne, because you loved him far more than heâd allowed himself to believe. It couldnât be his clothes, either, because you were looking at him like you believed anything was possible in this world, and he thought it really was.
He realised that to you, he must have appeared as if he were struggling to interpret prehistoric cave wall paintings, and this process was causing him immense pain. He cleared his throat.
âYou donât blame me?â he asked.
âFor making a stupid decision?â you replied, and shrugged your shoulders after he nodded. âWouldnât be the first time.â
He pressed his lips together, his expression a mixture of incredulity and pure delight.
âOkay,â he said. âSure.â
You were smiling again, and he was a little too proud to admit how much your loving eyes and your great mood soothed his anxiety.
âAnd what would I gain from punishing you?â you added. âYouâve already seen through Sid. Youâve had enough. You learned your lesson. Youâre good.â
Jungkook felt his chest swell as though heâd swallowed the swarms of bees around him, and now theyâve built a cosy little home right on the hills of his heart.
âYou think so?â he asked, his eyes glistening.
âWhy do you look so excited?â you countered. âDo you have more dickhead friends I havenât met yet?â
He chuckled, waving his hand around his face. âCan I answer that inside the park? Iâm afraid these bees are in love with me.â
You had already noticed his struggle with the beesâit was hard not to, one was perched right on his shoulderâand you found your own apparent immunity to this new bee predicament especially entertaining.
âWant me to fight them for you?â you suggested.
âOh, in a battle of who loves me more?â he quipped, swatting vigorously at three stubborn bees that were particularly intrigued in his eyes.
âYeah,â you said. âWeâll all sting you at the same time, and whoever dies first, wins.â
He snorted. âThese are bumblebees. They donât die after they sting.â
âOh, so maybe we should just stay here,â you teased. âYou all seem to know quite a bit about each other already.â
He squinted at you, a smirk playing on his lips. âAre you jealous Iâve grown so close to these bees?â
âOf course. Theyâre all over you.â
âIâd rather have you all overââ
âPublic park!â you interjected hastily, cutting him off.
His laughter in response was unapologetic and infectiousâyou found yourself shaking your head to suppress a treacherous smile.
âDid you also research public indecency laws?â he asked, turning past the menacing, bee-infested hedge.
You followed him through the gates into the park, your fingers intertwined with his. The clouds above had thickened, and the wind had picked up, but there was nothing about this afternoon that Jungkook did not enjoy.
âActually, I did,â you replied. âBecause of that stunt you pulled in New York last year.â
Recognition flashed in his eyes for just a fleeting moment before he pursed his lips, distancing himself from the memory. A gentle breeze swept through the park, rustling leaves and carrying the scent of damp earth; it would rain soon.
âI donât remember,â he declared.
âReally?â you responded wryly. You both knew very well that he remembered. âNothing familiar to you about the busking that turned into half-naked dancing in the middle of the street?â
âNope,â he said. âDoesnât ring a bell.â
âThere was a lot more grinding than actual dancing, now that I think about it,â you pressed on. You noticed, through your peripherals, the way he scrunched his nose and furrowed his brows, evidently despising the memory he claimed he did not have. âSomeone had drawn a crown of thorns on your forehead. You had aâsort of a cloth wrapped around your waist, and nothing else. Almost everyone on the face of the earth accused you of being in a sex cult after those pictures came out.â
âI donât know anything about that,â he insisted. âThey must have confused me with someone else.â
âSure. They must have,â you relented, pouting your lips in mock-sympathy. âThere are plenty of people in sex cults out there.â
âExactly,â he replied, finally meeting your eyes.
Something about you bringing up this incidentââincidentsâ were a prominent category of his actions in his mindâreminded him of the videos Sid had sent him. However, with you, the feelings in his chest were vastly different.
You were playful. Lighthearted. Your love language was teasing the hell out of him.
Sid was venomous. Arrogant. Vile. His intentions were humiliation and destruction.
You were joking about a matter for which Jungkook undoubtedly owed you another apology. He could tell that you knew he would apologise eventually, but you were hopingâwith every jest, every tender smile, every affectionate bite you sent his wayâthat he would not plunge himself into self-loathing again.
He wouldnât. He had matured significantly since the day under discussion. He knew he had, even if it was easy to forget.
âIâm surprised how well you remember all that, actually,â he commented. âAre you secretly into sexual rituals?â
Your scoff returned his smile to his face.
âOh, absolutely,â you said. âI keep a picture of you from that day on my desk at home. I look at it every night before I fall asleep.â
Jungkook kicked a few dry, scattered leaves on the pavement. When he glanced back at you, his grin bordered on ridiculous.
âI am aware that youâre trying to mock me right now,â he said, âbut I feel obligated to inform you that Iâm taking absolutely everything you say as a compliment.â
You nodded sagely. âI would expect nothing less from you.â
âGood,â he replied. âPlease tell me more about how you look at pictures of me before you fall asleep every night.â
You tsked reproachfully at his grin.
âI take back what I said about you being smart,â you said. âYou are the biggest idiot Iâve met.â
âOh,â his face was jubilant, âbut that just means you love me that much more, right?â
You let out a deep sigh. âIâm afraid so.â
He felt the swarms of bees in his chest, and they were buzzing incessantlyâeager, restless, and yearning. They took every emotion he felt and spread them across his skin.
âI knew it,â he said, delighted by the look on your face. You were so captivating when you were trying to resist smiling; it was why he never stopped teasing you. âThis must be awful for you.â
âMmhm. It is,â you said. âYouâre like a disease.â
He nodded, attempting a formal tone. âHow bad is it?â
âChronic and untreatable, Iâm afraid.â
âOh, I am so sorry to hear that.â
âYeah, thank you.â
A deep, vibrant laughter finally erupted from his chest, and he stopped walking. Tugging on your linked hands, he drew you closer and wrapped his arms around your waist before you could say another word.
âI love you so much, you know that?â he whispered, his voice low against your neck. âItâs not even funny how much.â
He rocked gently on his feet with you in his arms, and you could not tell if the vibrations you felt came from his chest or yours.
âMore than the bees love you?â you asked, your hands sliding over his shoulders.
âMuch more than the bees love me.â
âOh, must be quite a lot, then.â
âIt is,â he said, chuckling hopelessly. âIt really fucking is.â
He tightened his already firm grip until he felt your deep exhale against the side of his neck. He held you and his heartbeat chased after yours while the bustling crowds, the rustling leaves, and the solemn park benches whispered incomprehensibly around you, their frustration about your public affection lost on you.
When he pulled away a minuteâor tenâlater, he realised that his cologne had brushed off on you. There was something wildly intoxicating about you smelling exactly like him, and he needed a minute to make the park stop spinning.
âI, umââ he started to say, but his voice broke. He cleared his throat, took your hand in his to continue down the park, and tried again. âJokes aside, I feelâI really appreciate what you do for me. What youâre doing to fix my shit right now, and what youâwhat youâve always done to fix my shit. I donât say that enough. Thank you. For taking care of Sid, too.â
You shook your head. You knew you couldnât tackle Sid aloneâprobably no one could.
âThis is a team effort,â you replied. âIf this works, you can bake us all a cake later.â
Jungkook no longer had even half of a doubt that this would work, one way or the other. And if heâd stayed with you longer, he would have easily started to believe that Rated Riot would be elected presidents, tooâone after the other.
âIâm not much of a baker,â he said.
âIâll help,â you offered.
âYour help,â he responded, his smile turning mischievous, âusually consists of walking around, eating chocolate sprinkles, and distracting me.â
It was your turn to look offended.
âIâm the only one who remembers how many eggs the recipe needs,â you retorted, dignified. âHow do I distract you?â
âHow can I remember the eggs when youâre dancing and singing around me?â he countered.
He noticed the way your chin quivered as you fought to maintain a serious expression.
âWell, thatâs on you,â you said. âAny skilled chef knows to keep their staff busy so they wouldnât have time to sing and dance. Also, donât play good songs when weâre in the kitchen.â
âAlright, weâll bake in silence,â he decided. âAnd youâll do everything while I sit and order you around.â
The corners of your lips finally curled into a smirk.
âThatâs interesting,â you said, your thumb lightly brushing over his as he swayed your hands. âSwitching up the dynamics.â
He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, very intrigued by the insinuation in your words. âYou want me to order you around?â
âI meanâŠâ You shrugged. âIâd like to see you try.â
He stopped walking suddenly, right in the midst of a group of senior ladies, forcing a few of them to gasp and walk around him with very exaggerated expressions of disbelief as though theyâd never felt more wronged (there were a few obligatory comments about âkids these days,â too, of course).
Jungkook, undeterred, took a step to the right until he was standing in front of you.
âKiss me,â he said.
The demand in his tone caught you off guard, but you tried to blink away your surprise. âI didnât mean right nowââ
âKiss me,â he repeated more assertively.
You felt your stomach lighten and go for a little float inside you, like a loose helium-filled balloon.
âWe are in the middle of a busy park,â you said, looking around. âWeâre blockingââ
âKiss me,â he interrupted again, his voice firm but lively, âor I wonât move.â
You poked the inside of your cheek with your tongue, torn between amusement and apprehension as you battled his self-assured grin, while passersby shot disapproving glances at the two of you.
âSee, thereâs ordering people around,â you said, âand thereâs acting like a three-year-old.â
He simply shrugged, relentless. âI see no difference.â
âDo I sound like a toddler when I tell you to do things?â
âSometimes.â
His satisfied grin only gained prominence when you scoffed and looked away, rolling your eyes.
You questioned, sometimes, how you managed to put up with him for so long. But then you also questioned, much more often, how youâd survived without him at all.
âIf I were a teacher,â you said, âyouâd be in detention for disrupting everyoneâs day.â
âOh! And what would I have to do?â he teased, mischief gleaming proudly in his eyes. âWrite an essay on the importance of respecting authority?â
âThat might do you good, actually,â you retorted. âMaybe you should consider writing it anyway.â
He shrugged his shoulders and cocked his head to the side. âKiss me and Iâll do it.â
He looked so utterly unfazed that you did feel very compelled to lay your hands on him and do something.
He might have been one of the most exasperating people youâve met in your life, always ready to say something cheeky no matter what you told him, always causing trouble wherever he went, never letting you breathe in peace for just one second.
You were outrageously grateful to have found him.
âPeople are staring at us,â you said, but there was no conviction in your voice. âWe look like idiots.â
Jungkook admired your cautiousness, but he wanted you to let go of it. People would always stare; he just wanted you to kiss him.
âTheyâre staring because youâre defying authority,â he countered easily.
âJungkook, justââ
âOh, see?â he cut in, his tone triumphant. âMaybe you should be the one to write that essay.â
You groaned very demonstratively, but he saw the corners of your lips lift. Finally, you took a small step towards him and pressed your lips to his in a quick peck. He pulled you into him just as you attempted to pull away, and kissed you properly.
At last, the crowds disappeared, allowing you to dissolve in the warmth of his lips and come back to life with all the shivers that ran down your spine when he touched the back of your neck. You felt his smile and felt your own, too, when he brought his tongue over yours, deepening the kiss.
âYou are insufferable,â you managed to mumble between kisses, and the affection in your voice was impossible to mistake for something else.
âI love you,â he whispered in response, each word sweet and sugary against your lips.
You kissed him once moreâto soothe your racing heartâand then once more againâto soothe hisâbefore you pulled away, whispering back, âI love you.â
Jungkook only managed half of a pleased âIââ before he felt a few soft, cold droplets land on his forehead and both of his cheeks. He raised his head.
âIs it me, or is itââ
âYeah,â you confirmed, looking up at the angry clouds. âItâs raining.â
âDo youâshould we go inside?â he asked, looking around.
There was no specific âinsideâ anywhere close to the two of you, but you looked at him again and spotted something at the very edge of the park behind him, right across a busy bike lane.
âThereâs a little gazebo over there,â you suggested, pointing.
Jungkook turned around and seemed to have an epiphany when he noticed the crooked structure.
âIn theâin the park,â he mumbled to himself, feeling a little weak in the knees. He took your hand in his again. âLetâs go.â
He led you straight into the bicycle traffic as he crossed the road, causing a commotion and undoubtedly endangering everyoneâs livesâand not even realising it in his eagerness to get to the gazebo. You attempted to raise your hand in apology to the cyclists, but quickly realised that the smile on your face likely made the gesture seem mocking.
It occurred to you that you and Jungkook were being very disruptive today, very annoying, very much in everyoneâs faces about your relationship. And you realised, as he pulled you past the groups of people running from the rain, that you did not actually mind this all that much. Or at all.
There was a certain beauty in the unapologetic way that people in love behaved in publicâgrinning at their phones, kissing at bus stops, holding hands on narrow streets barely wide enough for one person. Running across the park in the rain and stumbling into every puddle possible.
When you and Jungkook finally reached the gazebo, you were both drenched and breathless. And you realised, belatedly, that it was not a suitable shelter at all: there were no railings or benches, the roof was not only crooked, but obviously decaying, and the rain splattered you if you got too close to the edge.
But youâd been here before: caught in the rain on your way to the restaurant for your first date seven years ago, seeking refuge under a much sturdier roof of a similar gazebo in an empty park, while the vividly green treesâalmost a rarity so late in Septemberâwhispered wearily from the heavy rain on their leaves.
Youâd been here before, and you did not want to go anywhere else.
âIâm starting to think,â you began, âthat thereâs something about us that attracts rain.â
Jungkook was thinking this very thought and laughed so heartily that the rain stopped for just a second, shamed into silence by a sound far more charming than the eager pitter-patter against the roof.
âYou think we could make some money out of it?â he joked, his eyes energetic. âMaybe add a little performance to it? Rain dance?â
âWe might have accidentally performed one already,â you said, stepping closer to the edge of the gazebo to watch the raindrops splash against the damp ground.
âYouâre right,â he agreed, taking your hand in his and guiding you to face him. âLet me see.â
He brought your hand to his chest and you watched, puzzled, as he closed his eyes and pretended to concentrate very hard on the sounds around him. People across the street screeched as they ran from the rain. A stubborn gull was screeching in the exact same way somewhere overhead.
Jungkook clutched your hand tighter and hummed. He was joking, clearly putting up a show, but you heard the faint sound of distant thunder, and the joy on his face turned luminous.
âI knew it!â he exclaimed as you laughed, and the rain, encouraged by your approval, began to pour even harder.
You watched him revel in this delightful coincidenceâor an elusive signâand allowed his radiant smile to bring back the memories that you had locked away in a box you didnât dare touch unless you were half-asleep.
It had been raining on your first date seven years ago, but it had also been raining when he suggested that date. Youâd felt invincible then, the only one staying dry in the whole world, as you nearly sprinted home from the party where heâd asked you out. You stumbled over the threshold of your dorm room, your shoes wet and slippery, and landed on your knees, shouting the news to your roommate, who was startled out of bed by your loud entrance.
This was the beginning of the happiness youâd felt almost every day since then. But this happiness came with a price: you would come to class and you could not rest, could not find it in yourself to calm down, until Jungkook arrived and took his usual seat behind you. You wouldnât even have to look, youâd always know he had come because youâd feel a sudden sense of peaceâand then youâd lock eyes with him across the room.
For years after this, even today, when you tried to find a period of your life where youâd felt the happiest, these were the moments that your mind returned to.
âWhat are you thinking?â Jungkook asked, brushing a damp strand of hair from your cheek and bringing your focus back to the rainy moment with his touch.
âItâitâs been seven years and now weâre back in the rain,â you replied, distracted by the lingering echo of the years that have passed outside this gazebo. âNothingâs changed.â
A faint smile danced on his lips.
âYeah. Nothing important has,â he agreed. âI still love you.â
You met his gaze, a little thrown off. âW-what do you mean, still? That was our first date seven years ago.â
âYeah,â he said, raising his eyebrows at the confusion on your face. âOh, did you think I asked you out right after I saw you? No, no. I spent a whole year absolutely fucking pining after you before I finally mustered the courage to ask you out.â
You assumed he might have liked you a little, based on the way heâd introduced himself to you. But you obviously didnât know about his alleged year-long pining that preceded your first date. And you werenât sure if you wanted to believe him, given your own year-long pining. It made little sense for the two of you to like each other for so long and not do anything about it.
On the other hand, considering the past few years, perhaps it made perfect sense.
Your heartbeat had sped up, so you argued childishly, âno, you didnât.â
âI did. Ask anyone,â he said, grinning. He wasnât as embarrassed about this as he used to beâand your surprise made it easier for him to admit everything. âI never knew how to love you quietly. But it still took me ages to talk to you even with everyoneâs encouragement. And that, uhâour first conversation didnât go very well.â
âWaitâwhat do you mean? It went very well,â you disagreed. âI remember everything you said word for word. âWe have Sociology together, I saw you sleeping in class, very cute by the way, the professor does not know how to shut up, have you seen that new Studio Ghibli film, I recently watched their classic with some friends, My Neighbour Jungkook, Iâm Totoro by the way, I thought maybeâwaitânoâââ
He interrupted you once your smile had grown dangerously wide. âDonât you dare make fun of me.â
âI would never!â you said through laughter. âI think I knew I was in it for life the moment you said all that.â
He had to look down because the bees inside him had multiplied, spreading rapidly to his head and his lungs and his stomach, and he was a little concerned that heâd start buzzing, too.
âNot one period, nothing,â you continued, a melancholic haze in your eyes. âJust commas and an endless stream of thought. You could have asked me to bury a body, I would have said yes.â
He smiled, but everything inside of him was turning upside down, returning to normal, then turning downside up.
Every time he remembered how he approached you seven years ago, he either felt a little uncomfortable or completely mortified. Heâd never thought youâd remember that day so well and with such fondness.
âBy the way,â you added when he did not speak, âyou did look a little like you were about to confess to accidentally murdering my roommate when you started to speak.â
This finally made him chuckle, and he felt his skin thaw from the frozen state of amazement. He remembered hoping that youâd forget all about what heâd said that day. Now he realised he had never felt more thrilled that you remembered.
âI know,â he said. âI was shaking.â
âYeah. I, umââ you trailed off, needing another minute. âI had a crush on you, too, actually. For a long while.â
His smile faded, replaced by a look of criminal disbelief. âYou did not.â
You recognised your own suspicion in his words and smiled. However, unlike Jungkook, who owned up to his stressful pining and memorable first impression, you did not feel ready to confess to your silent sulking quite as easily.
âI did,â you said. âBut you turned away every time I looked at you on campus, so I thought, oh, okay. That guy hates me for some reason. Nevermind.â
âI didnâI neverââ
âI actually made a playlist before we met,â you added quickly before you could change your mind. âAnd I, uh, kept updating it throughout our relationship.â
You did not look at him when you said this, so you missed the befuddled look on his face.
âA plâyou made a playlist?â he repeated, his thoughts momentarily derailed. He couldnât even hear the rain anymore. âAnd you never told me?â
âAnd I will continue to act like you donât know about it,â you said.
He was too ecstatic to care. He hadnât dared to imagine that he would have such a strong presence in your thoughts that you would create a playlist about himâfor him? (he thought he might faint)âbefore you even met.
âNo, b-but Iâm supposed to be the one making grand gestures in our relationship, and you have a playlist about me? Ab-about us?â he questioned, almost frantic. âIs itâwell, what songs are in it? About our relationship?â
You tried to put your words together, your slow, calculated breaths a stark contrast against his passionate energy. Another clap of thunder, unusually intense, rumbled in the sky.
âSort of,â you finally answered. You thought that a playlist did not come anywhere close to everything heâd done and attempted to do for you, but you still struggled to articulate yourself. âOr songs that we both liked. Songs that we listened to together. Songs that we discovered on roadtripsâjust, uh, stuff like that.â
He shook his head, every part of his skin itching with an unfathomable urge to hear these songs.
âYou have to let me listen to it,â he stated.
âNo,â you said, giving a determined shake of your head. âItâs enough that you know it exists.â
âI will absolutely never shut up about this,â he retorted, gesturing with his hands to emphasise his commitment to being annoying, âand I might end up telling more people.â
âI will kill you if I have to,â you warned.
âSo I will haunt you, then,â he returned. âIs it on Spotify?â
You narrowed your eyes. âItâs private.â
âI am not above pulling a Sid and stealing your phone,â he said, resolute.
You snorted despite yourself.
âOkay. Fine,â you said. âMaybe Iâll give you the link after.â
Jungkook waited for further clarification, but you decided youâd said enough.
He was confused. He no longer had any clear delineations of time in his lifeâever since he found you again, his whole life had shifted to âafter.â
âAfterâafter Sid?â he asked.
âAfter everything,â you replied, unintentionally ominous as your gaze wandered to the fragmented reflections of the clouds on the rain-soaked pavement. âAfter we leave London. After we deal with the label. After it stops fucking raining every time we go out together.â
Jungkook thought he could already see these things: the Parisian streets after youâve left Sid in London, the peace after youâve told the label about your relationship, the sun in the sky after the rain lost its courage to threaten you again.
âOkay,â he relented, his features softening. âIâll hold you to it.â
Your lips curved into a gentle smile. âI know you will.â
He hummed, stepping on a loose floorboard with the edge of his boot.
âNow, then,â he said, âtell me about this crush you supposedly had on me.â
âIt was a crush,â you insisted, your voice growing more fervent right away.
Jungkook smiled but tried to remain collected. He had decided it was better for his sanity not to believe you.
âI liked you ever since I saw you at that first freshman party,â you continued and he realised that he was absolutely, without a doubt not collected at all. âI spent that entire night scrolling through the list of people invited to this event on Facebook until I found your profile. But I didnât dare to send you a friend request, becauseâwell, you know. We hadnât talked or anything. I thought maybe youâre not interested.â
He thought his heart might stop because this freshman event was where he first saw youâand for every waking and sleeping moment since then, he had been interested.
âI noticed you around campus after that,â you continued. âAnd I would have talked to you first, I think. If you hadnât looked like you dreamed of my violent death every time you met my eye.â
He groaned, rubbing his eyes with the pillows of his palms.
âWell, obviously, I liked you too much to look at you and not glare,â he said, even though none of that was obvious. âI actually thought I developed some sort of an allergy right when I first saw you.â
You raised your eyebrows. âAn allergy?â
âYeah. Shortness of breath, just feeling hot all over, sweating profusely,â he elaborated, moving his hands away from his face to reveal his faint, nostalgic smile. âThat had never happened to me before. It was either the dust in the room or you. And there wasnât a lot of dust.â
You pursed your lips before your cheeks could stretch any further.
âI donât know,â you teased, âthey donât clean the building that well.â
âIt was you,â he stated firmly. âGot my breath catching in my throat. Gave me butterflies, made my heart raceâmade me feel all the things that people write embarrassing bubblegum pop songs about.â
You looked down to collect yourself before all the signals that your heart was sending to your brain could reflect on your face.
âCatchy songs, though,â you murmured.
âCatchy, sure,â he agreed, his tone wistful. âUntil all those things they sing about happen to you, and you feel like youâre drowning.â
You felt a little like you might drown just now as your heart pounded in your chest, angry at you for another wasted year.
âIâm really happy we finally ended up together,â he said. âSeven years ago, and today.â
You finally looked up at him and remembered all the times when you used to worry that you had already lived through your happiest moments, and any little joy youâd come across later would pale in comparison. You knew better now.
Jungkook was your happiest moment, and he was right here. Heâd always been right here.
âI love you,â you said, a little suffocated by the overwhelming warmth in your chest. âIâve loved you every day for all these years.â
He was smiling so widely that his lip ring dug into his stretched lips. He reached out to caress your cheek, resting his palm on the side of your face for a moment, his eyes bright and glittering.
He kissed you slowly, his bottom lip lingering between your lips while the rain washed the noise of the city away. He tasted love and longing on your tongue, and he had never in his life wished for the sunshine to stay away longer.
The rain listened. It had become a fundamental part of your present and a prophet of your future: the two of you were going to spend the rest of your lives listening to the rain and falling in love.
Since Rated Riot had a day off and the other members let you know where they were by bickering continuously in the groupchat, you and Jungkook locked yourselves in his hotel room when you returned.
You changed into dry clothes first, and then noticed that Sid still hadnât replied to your text. In case he really hadnât received it, you sent another oneâwith just question marksâhoping that heâd interpret your repeated messages as a sign of your desperation to talk to him.
You put your phone away and climbed back into bed. The sun had already set outside the window, casting faint, elongated shadows around you in the room. You and Jungkook listened to the music playing on his phone and returned to the snacks he had bought for your film night a few days earlier.
As the song switched to the latest Bad Omens collaboration, you closed your eyes to nod along, and he reached over to snatch a chocolate-covered cherry bonbon from you, causing a spark of static electricity to pass between you.
âSorry,â he said, chuckling after he heard you gasp. âItâs from the bees, I think. They must have somehow electrified me.â
âYeah, thatâs definitely something that bees can do,â you played along, sitting up on the bed and unwrapping another candy for him. âMaybe you should take an ice bath to avoid these after-effects.â
He accepted the candy with a grin. âNo. I like shocking you when I touch you.â
To be fair, he didnât need bees or electricity for thatâbut you decided not to point that out.
You realised how much peace you felt here: listening to music and eating sweets with him across the bed from you. You didnât think there was anything you still needed in life. Watching him close his eyes as the chocolate melted on his tongue, and hearing him hum with childlike delight as he swallowed, filled an emptiness inside of you that nothingâno trips abroad, no late-night drinks, no shopping sessionsâcould have filled.
This random moment in his hotel room was nothing at all, yet it was everything.
Suddenly, your phone buzzed, startling you both.
âSid?â Jungkook asked eagerly, letting the remaining chocolate melt slowly on his fingers while you reached for your phone.
âNo,â you replied, checking the screen. âItâs Maggie. She just posted the backstage pictures with our list.â
His expression tightened. âOh.â
âThereâs nothing from Sid,â you added.
Jungkook finally popped the rest of the candy into his mouth. He decidedâquite abruptlyâthat heâs had enough discussions about Sid and everything youâve been through because of him.
âYou know what we should do?â he asked, licking the remnants of the chocolate off his fingers. âWe should go to the sea after the tour ends.â
âOhâweâyeah?â you asked, stumbling over your words. You thought it was very unfair of him to ask you this while running his tongue over his fingers all in the same breath. âWeâbut we donât know when thatâll be.â
âWhenever,â he said with a shrug. âLetâs go.â
It took you half of a second to say âokay,â and he didnât think heâd ever learn how to stop his heart from soaring every time your agreement came so quickly, so easily.
To be honest, you didnât know why he even asked. It was fairly clear that there werenât many instances where you would have refused him.
However, your response still painted his features with every warm hue in existence, and he settled back on the bed, resting his head on the pillows and closing his eyes. As you watched him, you were forced to acknowledge one more time that witnessing him like this should have required an admission ticketâand a sign reading, âdo not touch the exhibit.â
âI feel like I have everything,â he said, unknowingly echoing every sentiment you felt. âI donât even care if Sid replies to you and if our plan works.â
You leaned against the pillows on the other side of the bed and turned to your side to face him. âYeah?â
âMmhmm,â he replied, a melodious hum in his tone. He opened his eyes to meet yours and placed his hand on the pillow beneath his head. âWeâreâyouâre here with me. The tour is going well, itâsâthatâs it. Thatâs my whole dream.â
He looked beautiful in an almost devastating way. He looked like every extravagant adjective that sounded made-up when you encountered it in writing for the first time: transfixing. Beguiling. Effulgent. Pulchritudinous.
You really wanted to touch the exhibit.
âDo you know how we formed Rated Riot?â he asked suddenly, distracting you.
You raised your eyebrows, then turned your gaze away. Jungkook realised you probably didnât understand where his question had come from, but you didnât ask him anything, so he did not explain.
Truthfully, you did not know the complete story behind how Rated Riot got together. You only knew what each of the boys was doing when they first met.
âI donât know much,â you admitted. âI know that Hoseok kicked things off.â
âYeah.â Jungkook nodded, then stopped. âOr maybe Namjoon, actually? Because Namjoon saw Hoseok at some gig that he went to. When he asked about his band, Hoseok gave him, like, fifteen business cards. But even though he filled in for all these bands, it was still only maybe one gig per week. Thatâs nothing. So, Namjoon told him heâs too talented for that shit. He said he needed his own band.â
You recalled Yoongi mentioning that Namjoon was the first producer that Rated Riot have worked with, but you hadnât realised this was before the band was even formed.
Suddenly, the broken air conditioner in the room whirred back to life, interrupting your thoughts.
âS-so, they started talking,â Jungkook said, momentarily distracted by the loud noise. âHoseok wanted to be independent, and Namjoon didnât push him to sign with Jett Records back then. He helped him. Unofficially, I guess. They found Taehyung very randomly at this one after-party for somebody at our labelâwell, our future label. Namjoon took Hoseok there to network, and Taehyung just happened to be there. No one knows why, but you know Taehyung. Heâs always going to be right where he needs to be.â
âYeah,â you said, nodding knowingly. Taehyung always seemed to find his way to the people and places meant for him.
âYeah, so he was at that party,â Jungkook continued, âand he overheard Namjoon and Hoseok discussing the plan for Hoseokâs band. They were saying that they needed a bassist first. And Taehyung just chimed in like, âI play bass.â Just out of the blue. Namjoon asked him who he was, and he introduced himself. Namjoon then asked what he was doing here, and Taehyung said, âIâll tell you if you let me join the bandââwhich he never did, by the way. We still donât know what he was doing at that party.â
You chuckled softly. Knowing Taehyung, nothing in this story surprised you, but you were still impressed by how quickly his energy captivated Hoseok and Namjoon.
âSo, they let him join?â you asked.
âNamjoon claims he auditioned for them first,â Jungkook said, clicking his lips questioningly. âBut one time when Hoseok was very drunk, he admitted that heâd felt desperate. Namjoon was busy and couldnât help him much, so Hoseok had to figure things out on his own. He said he called and invited Taehyung to join right away. He thought they could find a proper bassist later, and Taehyung could fill the spot for the time being. Funny.â
âOh,â you said. âBecause he hadnât heard him play yet?â
âYeah,â he confirmed. âHe hadnât seen Taehyung even holding a bass before. So, he had doubts. I guess I get that. Anyway. He invited Namjoon to their first rehearsal and Taehyung blew Namjoon the fuck away. Thatâs it. Hoseok said that after that, he was worried Namjoon would sign Taehyung and leave him behind. Not that Namjoon would do that, but uhâyeah. Taehyung was that good.â
âTheyâre both that good,â you said. âHoseok never acknowledges his own talent.â
âRight?â he nodded eagerly, turning to his side to look at you. There was a warm smile on your lips that Jungkook really enjoyed. âTheyâre both amazing.â
âSo, how do you come into the picture?â you asked.
He took a breath before answering.
âI saw Hoseok and Taehyung playing at this dive bar that Sid dragged me to,â he said.
Your eyebrows arched in surprise. âNo shit?â
âYeah,â he said, running his tongue over his lips. âHe said I was annoying and mopey, so he kept taking me to a new place every night. There were hardly any people at this bar that night. Taehyung was singing, but he sang, like, one verse, and then they launched into the longest instrumental break Iâve ever fucking heard. And it was incredible. Shit, IâIâm more into vocal music. But seeing Hoseok and Taehyung play togetherâthere was another guitarist with them, actually, I donât even know who it wasâanyway. It made me realise how powerful instrumental music can be on its own.â
A dreamy fog had descended upon his face, and only now did you realise that the air conditioner had stopped working again, seemingly calling it a day. You appreciated the silence and the way Jungkook looked when he played back the memories in his head, his eyes shimmering with the bright lights and the sounds of the bar that night.
âI didnât know that Sid met the other members before you joined the band,â you said.
âOh, yeah,â he replied. âHe also said he could be a better bassist than âthat guy.ââ
âHeâof course,â you groaned. âWait until Luna hears this. Sheâll take care of Sid for us on Taehyungâs behalf, I think.â
He nodded, snickering. âI bet. But Sid actually left the bar before they finished their set. I stayed back. After they wrapped up, I went up to Hoseok at the bar and told him how much I enjoyed their performance. Told him I was thinking of picking up drumsââ
He paused abruptly, noticing your surprise before you remembered him mentioning this to you.
âOh, was this when you and Sid were planning to start your own band?â you asked. You had assumed they were joking.
âYeah,â he replied, snickering. He had been joking, but he still found drummers to be effortlessly cool. âSo, Hoseok delivered the longest fucking speech about what his job was like. Donât ask him about it, by the way, or youâll have to sit through three hours of him making drum sounds. But anyway, I was pretty drunk by then, and I donât know, I guess I hummed along to some song that was playing or something.â
You nodded. Jungkook was almost always humming something.
âThen Hoseok said they needed a vocalist for their band,â he continued, âbecause Taehyung didnât want to do it. And he noticed me humming, so he jokingly asked if I happened to sing. I said sometimes, nothing serious. Everybody sings sometimes. He told me to sing something for him. I told him to get fucked, weâre in a bar.â Jungkook had to pause here to let you finish laughing. âAnd Hoseok just shrugged, like, âno oneâs at the mic, why not?ââ
âThat did it for you?â you asked.
He nodded. âThat fucking did it for me.â
You laughed again, knowing that he would never shy away from anything that resembled a challenge.
âWhat did you sing?â you asked.
Jungkook gave you a look. There was only one song that always lingered at the back of his mind. You could have guessed it, really, but you were a little frightened about its significance in this context.
âYouâyou sang Biffy Clyro?â Your throat was dry all of a sudden and useless questions continued to pour out of your dumbfounded chest. âAt that bar? In front of Hoseok? âM-Many of Horror?ââ
âOf course,â Jungkook said, as if there had never been any other song he could have chosen to perform that night, besides the one that followed you and him throughout your relationship. âItâit really fucked with me, though. We had just broken up maybe a month ago, so it was still fresh, you know? And this was my first time singing âMany of Horrorâ in public, on top of that. And I wasâI didnât do well. I think I missed half the lyrics in the last chorus because it was too much.â
He snickered lightly, trying to lessen the impact of his words. You felt frozen.
âI-I was standing there,â he continued, and you could almost see it, âhiccuping to the I still believe, itâs you and me âtil the end of time, while Hoseok just watched me, expressionless. And then I drank half the bar right after I got off stage.â
He sang the two lines of the song as he shared the story, his voice quiet and tender, and you thought you must have resembled Hoseok right nowâso lost in all the emotions brewing inside you that you did not immediately realise he had stopped speaking, and it might have been appropriate for you to reply.
âY-you still sounded great, though,â you managed. âObviously.â
âYeah, maybe four people clapped. Out of the ten or so at the bar,â he said, chuckling. âHoseok told me he had to make a call, told me to stay right where I was, and then he disappeared. He returned twenty minutes later with some dishevelled guy in a turtleneck with a little hole in the collar.â
You recognised the description. âNamjoon?â
âNamjoon,â Jungkook confirmed, the smile on his face matching the one hesitantly spreading on yours. âI was fucking wasted. They were saying I had to meet with them for rehearsals, they wanted to see how Iâd sound with them. And IâmâI couldnât fucking think straight. They were telling me they wanted me to join the band, and all I could think about was that you werenât here.â
The excitement in your eyes quickly turned into pain as a sharp twinge of longing pierced through your chest. It cut into every open crevice of your heart, reminding you of the way it had bled in those first few months after you broke upâeven on this particular day, while Jungkook was struggling to get himself together in the face of his future, and you were likely at home, tossing and turning in your bed because you did not know what to do with yourself.
âI wanted to tell you so badly,â Jungkook admitted, his eyes fixed on the bedsheets, his voice filled with incorrigible regret. âBut we werenât talking anymore. I thoughtâthere was this one moment where I thought, well, whatâs the point? Whatâs the use of joining this band if I canât even tell you about it? A-and they werenât even a full group when I met them anyway. It took about two more weeks for Yoongi to join.â
You made a conscious effort to swallow the lump in your throat, and shifted your focus to Yoongi to allow for the sudden ache in your chest to subside.
âYeah, uhâYoongi mentioned that he was the last to join,â you commented, hoping to steer the conversation back to a less emotionally charged topic. âHe used to play for a different band before, right?â
âYeah. Somnia,â Jungkook said. The name did not sound familiar to you. âThey werenâtâum, going anywhere. Thatâs a very blunt way to put it, but they were just stuck. And Yoongi and Namjoon go way back. So, Namjoon called him one day and lied that he was producing for this new, promising band in need of a permanent guitarist. Said they had a solid rhythm section, but their artistic direction needed some refinement.â
âAnd, uh,â your voice was a little lighter, âI assume they had a great vocalist, too?â
Jungkook smiled. âThey did, yeah. I was trying to be modest, but you brought it up.â
You snickered, offering a nonchalant shrug. âJust trying to help you out.â
âThanks,â he replied. âYeah. So, Yoongi was the last one to join. Heâdâhe has a lot more creative freedom with us than he had with Somnia, which still isnât a lot. But itâs something. And I think that was the main reason why he left them.â
âAnd they were okay with him leaving?â you asked.
Jungkook turned on his back and sighed.
âI assume they werenât,â he said, briefly glancing at the ceiling before turning to look at you. âThatâs why he doesnât talk much about it.â
âAh.â You nodded. âMakes sense.â
âYeah, but anyway, Yoongi joined and we were complete,â Jungkook continued. âWe released âHauntingâ independently. Thatâokay, that was in June. Some time after that, this radio DJ that Yoongi knew played our song on his radio show as a birthday gift to Yoongi. Namjoon and Christian Jettââ
âCJ, apparently,â you cut in.
âRight. CJ,â he repeated. âThey heard the song at some event. Apparently, CJ loved it, so Namjoon told him about us. When CJ found out we werenât signed to a label, he reached out to us. It took Taehyung and me three days to convince Yoongi and Hoseok to go to that meeting. They both had some shitty experiences with record labels in the past. But we persuaded them to at least show up. CJ had us perform âHauntingâ and âCursedâ for him, the only songs we had released at the time, and he signed us on the spot. Well, after Yoongi finished negotiating with him about our contracts.â
Your heart started to race as if you had just realised how much the universe had to align, how many intricate coincidences had to happen to lead Jungkook to his band, and to bring the two of you to this moment in his hotel room.
âWe started working on our album,â he went on, âand about four months laterâin July, right?âthe record started to finally come together. Thatâs when CJ started to look for a manager for us.â
You took a breath and finished for him, âand reached out to me.â
âYeah,â he said. âAll CJ told us was that he found someone. He mentioned that this person was already working under the label and that the band they managed had recently broken up.â
You did not interrupt the silence that followed, because you thought that Jungkook had paused for a few seconds. But he stopped speaking altogether, waiting for you to share your perspective.
âI-I was, uh, Nickâs assistant at the time,â you said, realising what the silence was for. âWe were working with The Jungle Will Get You.â You turned to Jungkook and he shook his head. âYeah, they wereâthey werenât popular. And the members werenât really motivated, especially towards the end. They split up, eventually. Nick moved on to manage Reconnaissance, and I took on administrative tasks for various bands under the label. It was only for a few months, but I thought Iâd end up buried in endless piles of papers. So, when HR called me in to tell me about Rated Riot, I pretended to know exactly who you were to get that job.â
He was smiling next to you on the bed, lost in the memories that did not hurt anymore now that he shared them with you.
âI doubt even HR knew who we were,â he said, gazing up at the ceiling and clasping his hands on his stomach. âIâm justâIâm constantlyâI donât know. I canât wrap my head around the fact that it was you that they chose for us. I mean, youâre amazing, you could have worked with any band out there. But they picked you for us.â
You grappled with the same impossible coincidence.
âIâm thinking about that, too,â you said. âYou had so much potential and CJ... I wasnât sure if he even saw it when he reached out to me. Not to mention, you and I wereâwe were broken up for two years at that point?â
âA year and seven months,â Jungkook replied.
âRight,â you said, slightly out of breath from the precision of his answer.
He turned to face you. âDid you ever consider turning down that offer to work with us after you found out Iâm in the band?â
You exhaled what little oxygen you had left in your lungs. Youâd considered many things when you saw him again that day, and you realised now that you still hadnât fully grasped all the thoughts that had passed through your mind at the time.
âFor maybe half a second,â you said. âI was very confident that we could move on from our relationship.â
He grinned. âLook how well that worked out for us.â
âMhmm, right?â you agreed, meeting his gaze. âSo professional.â
He chuckled, intoxicated by your proximity and the peace he found in the knowledge that the universe had put in a good effort to lead you two here.
âI know thatâwell, it seems like everything just fell into place to get all of you together for Rated Riot,â you said. âBut it wasnât that easy for you guys, was it?â
âYeah, no, it definitely wasnât,â he agreed. âAfter Yoongi joined, we struggled to write one fucking original song for months. We thought the band was going nowhere.â
You could see the sadness in his eyes. âIt was that bad?â
âYeah. Everything we tried to work on was shit,â he said. âWe were getting drunk every night, trying to find something that could work as our first song. And nothing worked.â
âSo, what happened?â you asked.
âYou,â he answered simply.
Your brows creased. âHowâwhat do you mean?â
âNamjoon pushed us to release something authentic for our debut single,â he began. âAnd the other guys decided to kick my ass and force me to work. They knew I was writing something, but itâit wasnât anything serious. Not like what they write. You know I canât just create shit on the spot. My lyrics have to be about something that Iâve been through. And youâreâyou are every single meaningful experience that I have had in my life. The guysâthey wanted to use that. So, youâre sort of the main reason why Rated Riot are where they areâ
You exhaled slowly, your mind filled with thoughts just like it had been the first time you walked into Rated Riotâs meeting room and saw Jungkook thereâlooking only slightly different from the music video Luna had shown you before, and remarkably different from your memories.
âAnd thatâthis is why I brought this up now,â he said. âItâs all because of you. We broke up, and Sid dragged me to that bar to help me get over you. I sang our song to Hoseok, and he brought Namjoon to convince me to join the band. I wrote âHauntingâ about you, and CJ heard it and decided to sign us. We put out several albums, filled with songs Iâve ever written for you, and now weâre on this tour. If it werenât for you, I justâw-we wouldnât be here.â
You felt your skin prickle, the sensation quickly turning to a painful sting, and you looked away. Frankly, you did not believe that your influence was this significantânot even after Jungkook had told you that it was. These events seemed like an unbelievable sequence of coincidences that he decided to treat as signs, and you found that you couldnât breathe if you looked at them as signs, too.
You felt his eyes on you and only meant to glance at him very briefly, but he held your gaze for a few moments longer, watching as a shuddering breath passed your lips. Then he propped himself up on his elbows.
âIâm going to kiss you now,â he declared, the look in his eyes so final, so determined that you were almost afraid to move when you met his gaze. âAnd then Iâm not letting you go. I donât care if Sid texts.â
Your voice was very small. âI donât care, either.â
âFuck,â was more of an echo than a real whisper as his lips finally collided with yours. The kiss was deep and vehement and full of everything that had built up inside you over this day alone.
But then his tongue met yours and you realised that this day wasnât all that special. You could have kissed him at any point of any day, and you would have still felt overwhelmed and aching, and you would have needed him right at the tips of your fingers as much as ever.
He tasted like the chocolate-covered cherry bonbons that heâd bought you because they reminded him of the summer nights youâd spent together. He tasted like the sticky homemade candy that the two of you baked when there were no other sweets in your dorm room and you craved something, but refused to leave, refused to pull away. Like the moments on the balcony of his house after you snuck away from his cousins. Like the rainy walks to class when your hair would be sticking to your face, but you couldnât stop smiling, couldnât stop looking at each other.
All the thoughts that had been screaming at you for the past fifteen minutes suddenly quieted down as he leaned closer until he was hovering over you, one of his hands on the side of your face.
He felt shivers on the back of his neck when your tentative fingers found their way to his hair. He exhaled softly against your mouth and stilled momentarily when he heard your quiet whimper in response to his kiss, to his breathing, to him.
The room suddenly spun completely out of control around him.
He needed you so much and for such a long time that every time you were with him, every time you kissed him, he worried that he was dreaming again. So he kissed you harder, held onto you tighterânot wanting to find out if he was asleep, not wanting to wake up.
He unbuttoned your denim jacket without pulling away and slid it off your arms, holding the side of your neck with one of his hands. His kiss was so deep, so riveting that you felt your lungs give up, felt them pack up and leave, forcing you to breathe him instead.
His hands caressed your shoulders, finding the straps of your shirt and sliding them down your armsâand then stopping abruptly when he realised that you werenât wearing anything underneath.
Exhaling shakily, he pulled backâlightheaded and winded and completely obsessed with youâjust to look at you for a minute. There was a playful grin on his lips when he kissed you again.
You pulled away enough to ask, âwhat?â
âNothing,â he murmured in-between kisses, âyouâre fucking perfect. But I want this off.â
He pulled you closer and you instinctively bucked your hips off the bed, causing a momentary hitch in his breath. He lifted the hem of your shirt, pulling the material up and tracing the invisible symbols on your skin along your ribs, your chest, and your arms. Tossing your shirt aside without looking, he leaned back in, yearning for the feel of your lips on his again and accepting that he could not last one minute without you. Perhaps not even one second.
He felt your hand on his chest, trailing down to the edge of his black t-shirt and distracting him from the kiss with the softness of your touch. You lifted his shirt up to his chestâas far as it would go without breaking the kissâand felt him hiss at the cold sensation of your bare fingertips on his stomach.
âIâm sorrââ you began, but the second you pulled away to apologise, he leaned in to capture your lips in another kiss.
âNo.â His whispers were frenzied against your lips. You could have electrocuted him with your touch, sliced him into pieces with your fingers, and he would have thanked you for it. âNo. Youâd-donât apologise. Youâre perfect.â
He heard the way you cursed under your breathâunder his breath, tooâand he found it hard to inhale against the pressure in his stomach, against the tightness in his jeans. He was humming with near desperation when you pulled him closer, running your hands over his arms, your touch gentle enough to truly kill him.
He was frantic, eager to touch you, to feel your arms, your thighs, your chest, your neckâall of youâbefore someone interrupted you. Before his time with you ended. He knew he had the rest of his life to spend with you, but now he worried it still wouldnât be enough.
His tongue moved over yours, his kiss deep, rushing, dizzying. He did not need to look to find the button on your pants, unclasp it, and slide the rough material down your thighs, swallowing a moan when he felt you shivering under his touch.
He quickly pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it aside before kissing you again, high on the sound of your lips smacking against each other. He shuddered when your hands unexpectedly met his on the belt of his jeans.
âLet me do it,â you asked in a whisperâbut he was wholeheartedly yours at that moment, and you didnât even have to ask.
âOkay,â he complied, allowing you to gently push him back onto the bed.
Closing his eyes, he savoured the newfound sweetness from your kiss on his tongue. He felt you shuffle closer to him on the bed and had to take a sharp breath when one of your hands slid down his abdomen to his jeans.
You leaned over to kiss him again, and he brokeâonly capable of lying idly for so longâreaching for you and caressing your shoulders and your arms. He made it almost impossible for you to keep doing what you were doing; unruly wildfires blazed everywhere he touched you.
Jungkook was determined not to break the kiss even as you undid his belt and unzipped his jeans. He thought he did well. But then he lifted his hips off the bed to help you pull his jeans off and you brushed your fingers over the bulge in his boxersâyour touch featherlight against the materialâand he was very nearly finished.
He whimpered lightly into the kiss, his breaths growing heavier, his hands growing greedier. You made sure to hold one of his hands in yours to prevent him from flipping you over on the bed, and he responded to that by cheating: he held onto you tighter and attempted to pull you closer every time he gently bit your bottom lip and you got distracted by the pleasant sting.
Finally, you managed to slide his boxers down his thighs, catching each of his heavy breaths on your tongue. You pulled back, and he was about to protest until he saw you throw one of your legs over his, straddling his hips.
He watched you slide your panties down your legs while hovering over his thighs and he wasnât sure how long ago heâd stopped blinking. Mesmerised by the sight, he didnât immediately rush to assist you in maintaining your balance as you lifted one knee off the bed.
Once he recovered enough to remember to inhale, he sat up and pulled you flush to his chest. You gasped in surprise when he hooked his fingers behind the waistband of your panties and slid them down your legs faster.
âI said let me do it,â you reminded him with a pout, and he kissed you instead of replying, too impatient to wait.
Your hands slipped down his chest and your hips bucked into his just barely, but he exhaled deeply, breaking the kiss. You used the moment while he was dazed to push him back into the pillows.
He fell back on the bed, knowing very well that heâd been in this position beforeâwith you on top of him, your fingers tracing over his length before finally wrapping around the baseâbut he still shivered, throwing his head back into the pillows. He still kept his eyes fixed on your face when you started to move your hand in gentle strokes, killing him a little more with each movement of your wrist.
âFuck,â he sighed. âAt least letâl-let me touch you.â
He phrased it like a request, but he did not mean it like one. You didnât resist when he reached for you, his hands travelling over your thighs, lingering on your lower back, squeezing your ass, and pulling your hips into his.
One of your hands had come to rest on his chest for support while you continued to stroke his length in deliberately slow, languid motions. You could feel him getting harder under your touch, and you closed your eyes, your teeth sinking into your lip.
He could not look away from you. He wanted to be the one to bite your lips, but he couldnât move close enough to you with your hands on him. He settled for exploring the skin on your hips, sliding his hands up and down your thighs. Soon, you felt the tips of his fingers brush lightly over your stomach and then descend lower to slip between your folds.
He exhaled deeply through his mouth when he felt how wet you were, and that was enough for himâhe would have found a way to hold you tightly against his chest even if you were across the world from him.
In a flash, he was sitting up, connecting your lips again and bringing his tongue over yours while he gathered the wetness between your folds with his thumb. Your grip on his length tightened instinctively, and Jungkook groaned, automatically applying more pressure to the sensitive bundle of nerves on your clitâjust enough to have you arch your back into him.
He felt you move faster, squeezing the base and speeding up until your fingers brushed over his tip. Trying to fight back a moan, he reflexively bucked his hips into your hand while two of his fingers teased your entrance, sliding over your wet folds in a teasing, tickling motion. You broke the kiss, sighing and dropping your head on his shoulder.
He didnât give you much time to catch your breathâyou didnât give him any of that, so he thought this was only fairâas he kissed along your jaw, gently sucking on a spot on the nape of your neck. His fingers continued stimulating your clit with a combination of light, fast circles and harder, slower strokes that he knew would make you break for him.
âF-fuck, wait,â you exhaled, grabbing his wrist to stop his movements. âI w-want you.â
âYou have me, my love,â he whispered back, running his tongue over the faint mark heâd left on the sensitive skin of your neck and humming, his tone gravelly and rasp, when you hissed at the feeling. âAll of me.â
You gripped his wrist tighter. âLie back.â
He didnât immediately obey, opting to use his only free handâthe one you couldnât hold, because you needed both hands to stop his determined fingers from drawing you any closer to the edgeâto squeeze your ass and pull your hips over his length instead.
âLie back,â you ordered again, your words firm, but breathless. It started a raging flame in his lower stomach, but he still resisted a little moreâkissing you again, sucking on your tongue, sliding his hands over your thighs, and nearly making you lose it before he finally leaned back against the pile of pillows.
Jungkook still thought he was doing fairly well, considering the burning on his skin and inside him, but watching you unwrap a condom package and slide the latex down his lengthâtorturously slowly, it seemed to him, to really test his limitsâhe thought he might lose it, after all.
You felt him jerk slightly in your hand, sensitive as you rolled the condom down his length, and your deep exhale blended with his sharp inhale. He locked the sound of your breathing somewhere deep in his mind, too focused on your touch to revel in it right now, but far too inspired by the response your body had to his to forget it altogether.
He bit his lip, his eyes locked on yours as you positioned yourself over his length. He was convinced that you were teasing him on purpose when you brought his tip closer to your entrance and then paused. He could already feel the wetness of your folds on him, and the second he lifted his hands to touch you, he was forced to let them drop in utter defeat when you finally slid his tip in.
âFuck,â he whispered, his eyes rolling back at the feeling of your tight, warm walls as you struggled to take all of him in at once, and stopped, most cruelly, halfway in.
You looked breathtaking on top of him and there wasnât a single coherent thought in his mind, so he couldnât offer to help you anymore, couldnât even guide you down on his length. He could barely stay still, biting his lip and clutching the sheets so he wouldnât ram his hips into yours.
âYouâll kill me,â he whispered in a strained voice when you lifted your hips again, sliding his length over your folds, but not slipping it back inside.
Finally, you lowered yourself on him again, taking all of him in, inch by inch, and a soft sigh escaped your lips before you could stop yourself. âO-oh.â
You had to suppress another whimper when your hips met his, the stretch of his length stinging pleasantly. He hissed at the feeling, his hands flying to your hips to keep you in place.
His touch reminded you of Amsterdam suddenly: of the way he had held you, the way he had felt after all these years.
You wanted him so much that it no longer felt like a simple wish. He felt like a necessity and you could not understand how youâd ever managed to go on with your day when he wasnât in the room with you.
You needed a moment to adjust to him and Jungkook watched you all through it. Even though he was barely able to keep his eyes open, he took in all of your reactions as the initial sting subsided and your hips twitched against his.
âFuck,â he whispered. âMove for me, love. Please?â
You sighed as his endearing wordsâand the loving lilt in his voiceâlit up your stomach and made you involuntarily clench around him. He groaned, digging his fingers into your hips. You had told him to lie back, but he wasnât sure how much longer he could obey.
Finally, you began to move and he threw his head back, swallowing hard at the feeling. You rotated your hips in slow circles, allowing his entire length to delicately rub the walls inside you, and he could not remember when heâd last felt you like this. He could not remember anything outside this room, and when you rested both of your hands on his chest for balance, he seemed to forget his own name, too.
âFuck,â was a soft, jagged breath that got caught in his throat as he watched you in the dimly lit room. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough to make out your silhouette, and he squeezed your ass tighter so he wouldnât immediately lose it at the sight.
You drew back all of a sudden, placing one hand on his chest and resting the other against the mattress, right by his arm. You pulled your bottom lip in with your teeth as you lifted your hips, then slowly lowered yourself on him again. It took you a moment to find your rhythm, and Jungkook parted his lips, inhaling sharply through clenched teeth every time your thighs met his.
You shifted your weight to your knees to increase the pace and he nearly choked on his breath when you placed your hands on his shoulders and bounced your hips against his, his length gliding against your velvety walls.
âY-youâoh, fuck. You look s-so beautiful,â he stammered, his hands travelling from your hips to your waist, then back down again.
Love and lust burned in his darkened eyes when he looked up at you, his hair falling in messy curls around his face. His chest rose and fell underneath you, the muscles on his abdomen tightening each time you sank down on him again.
You watched him like this and you changed your mind about describing him; an adjective that would fit him had not been invented yet.
You tried to respond to his words, but he suddenly lifted his hips off the bed to meet you halfway and knocked all breath out of your lungs, forcing a soft whine to pass your lips instead as you leaned into him, losing your balance.
It was starting to get too muchâhow deeply he reached inside of you, how tightly he held onto youâand Jungkook noticed it right away. Squeezing your hips, he adjusted his position by bending his knees for a better angle and bouncing you on his lap very slowly once, then twice, before pulling you into his chest and thrusting into you faster.
Curses and almost desperate whines fell from your lips, matching the rhythm of his skin slapping against yours. He knew he had hit your sweet spot when he felt your nails digging into his chest, when you tightened around him, when your strained breaths got louder, when your teeth grazed his collarboneâand he growled, gripping your hips tighter and trapping you against his chest with his other arm.
âJungkookââ you panted, barely able to speak, and the sound of his name on your lips ignited the room around him.
He grunted softly and flipped you both to your sides, pulling your back into his chest by wrapping his arms around your waist and chest, his grip firm, deliberately inescapable, but his fingers gentle as he teased your nipples. His thrusts were slower at this new angle, but now they were deep and hard. It was your increased breathing and louder, uncontrollable chants of his name that encouraged him to speed up.
âFuck,â he exhaled. And again, louder when you clenched around him, âf-fuck.â
This position allowed him to reach even deeper inside you and the way your walls sucked him in was as blissful as it was worrisomeâhe wanted this to last, and he didnât think it would. Not when he had you so close to him, inhaling the scent of your apple shampoo, peppering breathy kisses on the side of your neck, feeling the goosebumps that he brought to your skin when he caressed your nipples, and thinking he might actually explode every time your body jolted against his with each one of his thrusts.
He slid one of his hands down your navel and kept his palm right above your entrance for a distracted minute, feeling himself move in and out of you, and groaning into your shoulder before lowering his hand to your clit. You writhed against him as he rubbed on a soft, gummy spot there, bringing you dangerously close to your high.
âFuck, Jungkook,â you whimpered, almost helplessly clutching his arm that was wrapped around your chest. âIâmâs-so close.â
âIâm here, my love,â he whispered. âCome for me.â
Anything you were going to say died on your tongue when you felt his lips on your neck again. His fingers continued to massage the soft spot between your folds and your walls clenched and pulsated around him with each thrust of his hips. White clouds gathered on the edges of your vision and a low moan passed your lips as the knot in your stomach tightened.
Jungkook felt you tremble in his arms and pulled you into his chest harder. Keeping quiet had stopped being an option for you when he pressed on your clit with the pillows of his fingers, his hips continuously drilling into youâhe remembered the spot you liked, and he made sure to hit it every time. He felt you tighten again, so close to your peak, and he relished in your loud whimpers.
Pulling his lip ring in with his teeth, he held you tightly against him to maintain a steady pace, his strokes assured and calculated, to push you completely over the edge. He fell impossibly more in love with you when his name got caught in your throat with your breath.
âFuck, youâre so pretty,â he cooed as you writhed in his arms, coming down from your high. âS-so prettyâoh, fuck, my loveâwhen you come for me.â
The anticipation of his own climax soon caused his hips to start moving with a certain frenzy, and he pulled all the way out before plunging himself into you again and fully bottoming out.
âOh, fuck, fuck,â he grunted breathlessly, twitching inside of you.
His hips stilled completely and he cursed again, spilling himself into the condom. Groaning deeply, he drove his hips into yours instinctively, this way prolonging his pleasure and the time he spent watching you bite your lip in an attempt to stay quiet. He thought he heard you whisper a breathless I love you and he was convinced he came again just at the sound of it.
He buried his face into the crook of your neck and his voice cracked in the middle of his breathless chants, âfuck, I love you so muchâI-I love you so fucking muchââ
He still didnât release his grip on you, lifting his head to kiss your neck again, while the two of you tried to recover and accepted, eventually, that you probably never truly would.
âFuck,â he exhaled. Then, again, from the back of his throat, âfuck.â
You turned around as much as you could with his arms around you, and met his lips with your own, humming into the kiss and causing him to lose his sanity againâalthough, to be perfectly honest, he wasnât sure if heâd even regained it yet.
Your bodies remained locked in an almost desperate embrace for another minute, your lips moving leisurely against each other as your breaths mingled and the roomâbut not your heartsâquieted down.
Unfortunately, you had to strain your neck to kiss him from this position, and Jungkook ended up having to let go of you. He pulled out carefullyâthe gentle contact still making you hiss from sensitivityâand helped you roll to your other side to face him.
After pressing another kiss to your lips, he grabbed a stray pillow and placed it next to your head. He touched your chin gently, prompting you to lift your head so he could slide the pillow underneath.
You smiled at the unnecessary, but very appreciated gesture. âI love you.â
His chest contemplated bursting.
âI love you,â he replied. âSo much that I am notâI donât want you to leave this room. Or my bed, actually. I want to stay with you every second of every day, and Iâm okay if every court would qualify me as insane for that.â
You snickered into the pillow, your expression radiant. âI donât think youâre insane.â
He grinned and got up to discard the condom before climbing back into bed.
âAnd I want to stay, too,â you added, closing your eyes.
He pressed a kiss to your cheek as he got comfortable on the bed. âNot just tonight, but always?â
âOf course,â you whispered, your voice turning lighter, âbut I do have my own room.â
He settled in his spot next to you and draped an arm over your waist with a soft grunt. âFuck if I knew why.â
He pulled back slightly to see your laughter. You didnât seem like you were going to object or tell him that you should leave, but he still caressed your cheek, bringing his fingers over the smile lines by your lips that he had caused. His heart fought fiercely against his mind at the sight of them. He was almost ready to call Rated Riotâs next song âSmile Linesâ and just sigh dreamily into the microphone for five minutes while Yoongi played gentle piano chords in the background.
âI think you should stay with me everywhere we go,â he said, leaning in to connect your lips in a deep, lingering kiss. His voice was a whisper against your mouth, âso we could do this again. And again. And again.â
You broke the kissâand he would have been very upset about that, but you did that to laugh again, and he understandably forgot everything he was thinking of doing.
âYou have a show tomorrow,â you reminded him gently, your eyes warm.
He shrugged. âSo weâll have to take a break for a few hours.â
You pressed your lips together, trying to contain your smile to an appropriate level. âHmm.â
He rested his forehead against yours. âSounds good?â
âYou are messing with my head,â you whispered.
He grinned, pressing his lips to yours again. âI love you.â
You kissed him back but made sure to click your lips in feigned disapproval as you pulled away. âWhat did I just say?â
âYou messed with mine first,â he countered, his quiet laughter blending with the warmth of your kiss.
He had already stolen all air from your lungs, robbed your mind of every thought you possessed before him, and kept your heart hostageâand now he was beaming like he knew very well heâd done all that. Like he wasnât one bit sorry about ingraining himself in your life so much that it felt like you shared one soul, and it had stayed with him after you broke up: forcing him to suffer from the weight of it, while you searched for something missing inside you.
âI love you,â you said again. Your words were a whisper and they got lost on his tongue but found their way to his heart anyway.
Planting a few quick, butterfly kisses to your lips, he leaned back against the pillows, keeping his palm on the side of your face so he could rub gentle circles over your cheek with his thumb.
He loved you, and sometimes this love was all that he could think about.
Other times, however, the shadows in the room grew just a little darker.
âSid hasnât replied, huh?â he asked quietly, reluctantly.
You sighed, shaking your head. Your phone had been silent all night, and the more you tried to ignore the silence, the more noticeable it became.
âShould I text him?â he suggested. âTo poke the bear a little.â
You frowned and felt your stomach sinkâa feeling that Jungkook made even worse by pulling away from you and allowing for the brutal, cold air of the room to fill the space where his hand had been.
âWhat do you mean?â you asked, sitting up.
He rolled over to grab his phone from the nightstand.
You moved closer to be able to see the screen over his shoulder. You frowned the whole time, but it really did not take Jungkook more than a minute to compose a message that almost sparked an argument between the two of you.
After some relatively mild back and forthâconsisting of your annoyed, âI told you I want to keep you out of thisâ that was followed immediately by his melodramatic, âIâm doing this because I love youââthe two of you reached a compromise.
Look, his text to Sid read. I know youâve been texting my girlfriend. Stop. Letâs keep this shit between us.
This wasnât the full truth. After sending you a few mocking texts after he posted that picture to his Instagram, Sid hadnât texted you anything else. You werenât sure if this would even provoke a response, but Jungkook was convinced. He sent the text and pulled you back onto the pillows despite your protests.
âIâm sure itâll only be a few minutes,â he said. âUntil he texts you.â
Sure enough, he did.
Just as you lied down next to Jungkook, just as he intertwined your hands, his fingers toying with yours, just as you were about to forget your phone altogetherâjust then, the text finally came.
Your eyes widened, but Jungkook had the decency not to gloat. Instead, he wrapped his arms around you until the beating of your heart returned to a reasonable pace. Then he let you sit up again and reach for your phone.
Sidâs message read, âeager to talk to me now?:)â and you breathed out a sigh of relief as soon as you showed the text to Jungkook.
âAlright,â you said, content. You didnât even need to respond to him anymore, heâd already started the next step of your plan. âNow weâre good to go.â
Jungkook, smiled, nodding and extending his hand to pat the bed. You lied back down and he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to feel your skin against his again. His breathing was soft on your neck and you smiled back, finally losing yourself in the calming darkness of his room and the warmth of his touch.
For one blissful minute, you focused on his breathing and traced the edges of his tattoos, and felt as though nothing bad, nothing hurtful or upsetting had ever happened to either of you.
âWill we be okay, do you think?â you asked wearily. âTomorrow.â
He was taken aback by the question, you could tell from the way his breathing increased, but his response was quick and certain.
âWeâre already okay,â he said. âToday and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the dayââ
âI love you,â you interjected softly, successfully stopping him.
âThank you,â he said. âI would have kept going.â
You grinned. âI know you would have.â
He snickered, pulling you closer until you nestled your face into his neck and rested your hands on his chest, tapping, every now and then, to the beat of his heart.
âSleep,â he whispered. âFor a few hours, at least.â
You leaned your head back enough to press a gentle kiss on the corner of his lips instead of replying.
Jungkook hummed and melted into you, easing his grip to give you some space to breathe, but still remaining attached to you like he was a part of you and you were a part of him.
He could have stayed with you like this, he thought, for the rest of his life. And for at least a hundred more lives after that.
chapter title credits: sleep token, âgiveâ
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Animal - 09 | FINAL
Pairing: Jungkook | Reader
Genre: boxer jungkook | angst | tiny bits of fluff and humor
Word Count: 15k
Warnings: implicit sex, explicit descriptions of violence, blood, character death (ups), really realistic and gore descriptions, dark themes as drugs, gangs, police getting involved⊠This is one of the darkest things Iâve ever written, please be careful and if you donât feel good reading those things⊠Skip them, please.
A/N: Today is my birthday and as my gift to you⊠Here you have it, the final chapter, Iâm not ready, Animal is my baby, I donât wanna say goodbye but⊠The time has come. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for joining me in this long journey. Lots of love!
 previous chapter â 09 | final chapter
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đȘđčđšđđ, đșđ»đŒđ·đ°đ«, đłđ¶đœđŹ đïž â
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The model life has never crossed your mind but the moment Jungkook laid his eyes on you he knew you were perfect. He was willing to go great lengths to get you on board, even developing a connection with you that could ultimately lead to one of you getting hurt.
ââ ⧠Ë. ê° pairing ê± ËË modeling scout!jungkook ËË model!f!reader ËË strangers to enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers again (it's a rollercoaster of emotions fr), jk is in his early 30's and reader is early 20's genre/tags. smut, angst, (some fluff ig), very slow burn, mentions of past trauma, reader lowkey has anger and attachment issues but for good reason, oc has toxic coping skills but is kinda going through it, jk and oc argue a lot, themes of alcohol and some drug usage, mentions of reader crying, unrequited love (both jk and oc think they don't like each other), fingering, masturbation, oral (f receiving), orgasm denial, piv, unprotected sex (noooo !!!), creampie, spitting, choking, rough sex, daddy kink tehe, infidelity words. 17.2k+
i wrote this fic almost a year ago so i rewrote a lot of parts to improve the story ! part 2 will be posted in a few days (itâs already done just need some improvements as well) <3
**old repost from my deleted blog (05/02/23)
You can tell it was going to be a long day today. Things just werenât going your way this morning, your hair wasnât cooperating with you, you got a giant coffee stain on your work shirt, and now your best friend cancels on you. Reading her text, you couldnât help but let out a scoff at her lame excuse this timeâ
âIâm so sorry y/n but I wonât be able to go out tonight, been getting swamped with so much work!!â
Sigh, yet again she cancels on you, it never fails. You love your best friend Sakura dearly but she can be extremely flaky. You let so much shit slide when it comes to her but if someone else dared to do the same thing you wouldnât hesitate to cut them off in a heartbeat. Sakura has always been your day 1, she stuck by your side when you had literally no one. In elementary school the kids were vicious, theyâd pick on anyone who was remotely different and you were an easy target for them since you were considered the âloner kidâ. Sakura defended you when she saw a group of three girls trying to gang up on you and told them all to go kindly fuck off. After that moment, you and Sakura were conjoined by the hipâ until you werenât anymore.
You finally reply to Sakuraâs text just saying it was okay and that you guys can go out another time. Now you had to figure out what you wanted to do tonight after getting off work⊠The original plan was to go to a nightclub with Sakura but since that idea is scrapped you think of other friends you could talk to. Texting a couple friends, you ask what theyâre all up to tonight, hoping that at least one person is willing to go out with you. One of your friends, Mina, texted you almost straight away, she was down to go out so you both end up coordinating plans. You couldnât wait for your shift to be over and to clock out of work, it was such a slow day at the store so you kept pulling your phone out to pass the time. The rustling sound of wind chimes bellow through the front entrance as you see a distant figure disappear off into the aisles. You put your phone away so that you can pay attention to the customer who came inside, waiting for any little interaction to free you from your boredom.
Resting your arm on the counter, you scan around the store to check where the customer had went. It was super dead inside the place but you couldnât see where they mightâve gone. Looking from the corner of your eye, you see someone approach you from seemingly out of nowhereâ leaving you in a state of bewilderment as you saw the man in front of you. It legitimately felt as if you were hallucinating for a second; this man was your ideal type from head to toe. His tall stature easily towered over yours, midnight black strands covered his eyes a bit, and the heavy amount of colorful ink adorning his arm was a huge turn on for you. You were practically fucking the man with your eyes and totally didnât notice a thing he was saying to you.
âSo, what do you say huh?â The man asks with an enthusiastic look, awaiting your prompt response.
You snap out of your trance and come back to earth once again. Now realizing that you have no idea what this man was asking you and feeling embarrassed that youâll have to ask again.
âIâm sorry but I didnât quite get you the first time,â you told him sincerely, hoping he wouldnât be too frustrated with you.
He chuckles, âThereâs no one else around, how could you not have heard me?â Clearing his throat some more before continuing, âI was asking if youâve ever done modeling before.â
You look at the mysterious man confused, youâve never done an ounce of modeling before so you tell him you havenât. He looks surprised by this but doesnât get discouraged by it, âWell, you have the perfect face for modeling, you have a unique look and itâs perfect for my new campaign shoot, would you be interested?â
You ponder with the idea in your head for a bit, could this man actually be serious right now? Honestly, you couldnât believe someone as pretty as him would even notice you, yet and so willing to scout you to model while youâre working. You decide to ask him more about modeling and what his campaign is all about, his face lit up immediately hearing you show the slightest bit of interest.
âItâs going to be my biggest campaign yet, I work with high-end fashion brands and top designers from all over the world,â He goes on, âI run my own modeling agency so whenever I see someone with a unique look such as you, I have to say something.â
You could feel your face burning hotter from his flattering compliment, getting a slight ego boost by all this. You think about this whole modeling thing, would it really be for you? Youâve never tried it so it doesnât hurt to at least experience it. You arenât exactly confident that youâll be a good model but he seems serious about his line of work and it feels like you can trust him already.
âYou never answered my question yet, are you in or out?â He asks, interrupting your deep line of thought.
It was hard not to keep zoning out during the conversation, as much you wanted to take him up on his offer you were far too busy with work and already dealing with enough in your life. You had a lot on your plate at the moment, your current living situation is a bit up in the air right now since youâre struggling to pay rent. You asked your landlord to give you an extension for your half since your job has been giving you less hours lately, your money troubles have been putting a strain on your life since you got this new apartment. The man could tell you were having some reluctant thoughts on this whole thing so he did his best to sweeten the deal for you.
âLook, I know this is super random but just give it a try? You have the exact look that I need for this campaign and Iâll pay you really well,â He further explains. âNot to brag or anything but I take good care of all my models, Iâd never let them struggle especially someone like you.â
That was pretty much all it took for you to consider it, telling him that youâll think about it and youâve never had any prior kind of experience with this, he assures you that everything will be just fine. Hearing the soft melody of wind chimes coming from the door again, you finally see a new customer walk in as they browse around. The man who was still standing in front of you now has a huge grin etched on his face as he thanks you for considering to model for him. He tells you how much you wonât regret it if you do it and that heâll turn you into a âstarâ. You feel like he was exaggerating a bit with that last line but if he works with major international fashion brands and designers, thereâs a chance your career could grow. Before the man leaves he asks you for a pack of Marlboros, puts a cigarette in his mouth and shoves everything else in the pockets of his jeans.
âOh- my nameâs Jeon Jungkook by the way,â He says as he brings his hand out towards you, you gave his hand a friendly shake.
âY/n, nice to meet you.â As you both finally properly introduce yourselves, the new customer that came in was now heading towards the register. Before Jungkook gets ready to leave, he gives you his business card with his phone number on it. You held the thick card stock material in your hand and shoved it in your back pocket when the customer comes up to put their things on the counter.
âIt was nice meeting you y/n, I hope to see you around.â Jungkook says as he walks out. You watch him from afar as he heads to his car, he leans on the side of it and lights the cigarette from his mouth. You watch as he takes long drags from it and blows out the smoke, he looked like one of those 70âs bad boy greasers that your mom would definitely warn you about.
âExcuse me miss is everything okay?â The customer asks. You zoned out yet again and feel embarrassed about looking at Jungkook for too long. Your mind switches back to reality now, youâre still just a normal convenience store worker at the moment but soon you could be something even more. You never saw yourself as being something special but the fact someone like Jungkook saw that quality in you made you question your abilities. Maybe you shouldnât doubt yourself after all.
You were finally able to clock out of work and you felt utterly exhausted, barely getting any sleep last night from all the stress thatâs been eating you up from the inside. You drive back home and head up the stairs of the old brownstone apartment building you live in. Once you get inside you check your mailbox and see a plethora of bills and notices that you have yet to acknowledge. It hit you at that moment that you were a starving 20-something year old who doesnât have anything planned out for themselves, you never pictured yourself living like this. In order not to have a complete breakdown right at this very second, you take deep inhales as you try and calm your nerves, then your phone vibrates to alert that you got a new message. You check the notification and see itâs from your friend Mina, asking if you were still on for tonight. You reply telling her yes while finally heading inside your apartment. You knew you shouldnât be going out right now but itâs the only thing thatâll get your mind off your problems. Your only way of coping is to numb the pain and just not think about it.
Walking into your apartment you hear loud music blaring from the corner of the hallway, rolling your eyes since you know itâs one of your roommates. You had three roommates and none of them were your friends, you found this place super last minute when trying to move out of your toxic parentâs house. You got into one of the worst altercations with your mom one night that it almost got physical, she got angry with you for coming home past 3 am and partied all the time with Sakura. You often rebelled when you were a teenager and your religious mother was not having it one bit. She would constantly degrade you and break you down until you felt like nothing, she was the reason you are what you are today. You broke off all contact with your mom and eventually your dad too since he enabled her abusive actions most of the time, your two most important people treated you as though you were a burden to them. You couldnât shake the fact that your parents were so willing to kick you out of their home, their own daughter they raised and were supposed to âloveâ. Although youâre glad you were able to escape from your toxic parents without too many repercussions, you were now dealing with a new, different kind of stressâ adulting.
You grab a snack from the pantry and head to your room, putting some headphones in to drown the noise of your roommates annoyingly loud music. You text your friend Mina to let her know that youâll be getting ready soon and that youâll pick her up around 10. Mina texts you that she found somewhere else to go to instead of clubbing tonight, telling you all about this âexclusive partyâ thatâs happening, you had to be on their VIP list in order to get in and Mina knew someone who was on the list. She said as long as you tell the bouncer a name they know, theyâre more than likely to let you in. You werenât too keen on this idea since it seemed a bit risky to you but Mina really wanted to go to this event. You finally oblige to her wishes and tell her youâll be ready to come pick her up soon once you get dressed. Since you werenât going clubbing anymore you needed to actually put some thought into your outfit for this party, you had no idea what to expect but you put on one of your most expensive dresses and pair of heels, doing a little twirl in the mirror as you check yourself out. You decided not to do too much so you opted for a natural makeup look, you always hated being the center of attention, especially when youâre around people you barely know.
Once youâre fully satisfied with your look, you grab your clutch and head out the door. You got in your car and head over to Minaâs place, as youâre driving you replay the encounter with Jungkook from earlier. It was hard to fathom all at once, still having difficulty believing someone like him would want to even scout you. You never inherently saw yourself as being âmodel materialâ, yet here you are getting asked at your normal day job to become one. It felt surreal and you werenât sure what to think of everything. You contemplated texting Jungkook soon as you got home but what would you even say? His business card that he gave you still resided in the back pocket of your jeans when you threw them on the floor. You think to yourself that youâll text him tomorrow, you just really needed some time to evaluate and clearly think it over.
You arrive at Minaâs and text her youâre outside waiting for her, she almost instantly comes out and see her wearing the cutest outfit. You complimented her skirt when she got into the car and she thanked you with a toothy smile. Mina gives you the address of the party and puts it in your GPS since you suck with being given directions. You began driving and turn on some music to hype yourselves up before arriving. Mina raves about how exciting this will be since sheâs heard thereâs going to be several high profile people attending this party.
âI heard thereâs gonna be a CEO there, a couple fashion designers, and dozens of hot models will be there!â She exclaims like a boy crazy teen. You werenât too thrilled on meeting loads of people tonight, you were just hoping that you can get drunk and just forget about all your problems.
âThatâs cool I guess,â you say nonchalantly. Although you would like for a guy to swoop in and take all your worries away in a drop of a hat, you knew you probably wouldnât get that lucky tonight.
As you turn the corner and head down the street where the partyâs at, you notice how enormous all of the houses were. Almost every single one of the houses looked like celebrity mansions; one of them even had a large in-ground pool with not one, not two, but three damn water slides. You felt severely out of place even driving through this neck of the woods, turning up slightly into a large driveway with a bunch of other vehicles parked. You stop the car and examine the home in front of you, it couldâve been mistaken as a Victorian castle. In awe of itâs gothic architecture, pale brick walls, and pointed arches; it was venerable yet exudes such extravagance. You felt as though youâd just shifted to some other alternate universe.
Mina takes your hand in hers as she leads the way inside, you were nervous and still unsure if youâd be able to get in or not. Mina walks up to the bouncer in front of the door confidently, he was wearing sunglasses and a black tuxedo, looking like one of those stereotypical bouncer douchebags.
âName?â The bouncer asks patronizingly, something in your gut can already tell this guy was going to be a major asshole.
âMy nameâs Mina, Iâm not on the list but Iâm close friends with Kai and heâs already in there waiting for me!â She explains as she looks around to get a peek whoâs inside.
âAlright, youâre free to go.â The bouncer says, opening the door for entry inside. You couldnât believe it actually worked. Mina walks in front of you and steps inside, she turns around to face you but as you step towards the door the bouncer blocks you from taking any further step.
âSorry Iâm only letting her in.â
You were beyond pissed now, not only were you the one that drove all the way here but you were the one that didnât even want to come to this dumb party! You scoff as you look in his direction, âWhy am I not allowed in? Iâm with her!â You exclaim, trying to push past him but he grabs your arm in the process.
âDo you know anyone?â He was speaking to you in the utmost condescending way, you were about to give this jerk a real piece of your mind.
âListen asshole, how about you shove that ugly smirk off your face before I give you a reason to be angry? This party looks fucking whack anyway,â you express in sheer disgust, âalso, get your filthy hands off of me!â You swat his hand away from your arm as you take a step back from him.
Mina was watching this whole encounter but had no idea what to do or say, at this point you didnât even care about being here anymore. Mina tries one more time to plead with the bouncer but he wasnât having it, you were just so frustrated that you decide to head back home. Mina shouts after you to come back but you refuse to listen, that douche made up his mind and he wasnât changing it for anyone. As you walk down the huge driveway, your car was all the way down towards the end and you see another car pull up. You notice that car looked awfully familiar as it wasnât a car you saw everydayâ an Audi convertible sporting a dark blue color. Looking to see who gets out of the car, it was none other than the man whom you met from earlier; Jungkook.
You were a little shocked to see him here but at the same time this was definitely somewhere he would be. You watched him the entire timeâ he was wearing an all black outfit with studded boots and a leather jacket, always looking so badass without even trying. You could drool all day just looking at his fine self. He mystified you in so many ways, you knew nothing of this guy but he looked influential. He definitely looked like someone youâd want to be connected with in your life, his aura oozed wealth and prestige. As you watch Jungkook from the other side of the driveway, you see another figure running towards you.
âY/n! Y/n!â Was all you heard, your friend Mina kept shouting as she came towards you sprinting, âoh thank God you didnât leave yet.â She says coming up to you with glossy eyes.
âI talked to my friend Kai and he said theyâll let you in now, the bouncer was just being a jerk for no reason Iâm sorry about that,â she looks at you with pleading eyes for you to change your mind but itâs already been made up. This whole day has been nothing but shit for you and you were highly done with everything right now.
âThanks Mina, but I really donât care anymore.â You bluntly reply, itâs obvious that Minaâs friend was only letting you in out of pity and he just wanted to make her happy, this was never about you to begin with.
âPlease y/n, I donât want to be here without you,â she pouts while holding onto your hand, as much as she tries to reassure you that everything will be okay you know thatâs it not.
âI just really need to get out of here Mina, Iâm sorryâŠâ you attempt to pull away from her. As much as you didnât want to go back home, you also didnât want to be somewhere you werenât welcomed.
âNo way, is that you y/n?â You hear a manâs voice come from behind you, you knew that voice all too well. You turn around to see Jungkook now walking towards you and Mina. You felt frozen in place as you were now face to face with him again, you still couldnât get over how good he looked.
âOh hi again Jungkook..â you felt a little awkward right now since Mina had no idea who this was, she assumed you didnât know anyone that would be here.
âYou girls heading inside? I was just about to go in when I saw you, I wasnât planning to be here but thought Iâd stop by since a few of my colleagues texted me the address.â
âActually we were just about to leave, that bouncer is a complete asswipe!â You express with anger, crossing your arms as you recount that shitty ordeal.
Jungkook looks at you as if youâve gone crazy, âwho Stanley? Oh heâs no one! If he tries giving you a hard time just let me talk to him.â
The fact that he called him by his name was enough for you to assume that he might actually have more authority in this situation. You huff and finally agree on going back in there, you swear if that guy says one more thing to you youâre going to end up in jail tonight.
âDonât worry y/n, youâre in good hands now,â Jungkook brings his hand to the small of your back, your dress was backless and he came in contact with your bare skin. His minor touch sent the slightest chills down your spine as he rubs your back in an affable manner. You felt more at ease with Jungkook being here for some reason even though you just met him several hours ago. As the three of you walk up to the house, you see the bouncer again with the same smug look on his face. Not going to lie you were kind of triggered from what just happened and you were in a pretty fragile state, anything could set you off at the point. Jungkook speaks first and talks to the bouncer, Stanley. He makes a small joke with him and he chuckles a bit, this was the first time youâve ever seen that guy show any real emotion. He lets Jungkook inside with zero hesitation and allows Mina to step in but once you try and enter he puts his arm in front again. You were about to lose your fucking mind.
âExcuse me Miss, I already talked to you before, Iâm not letting you in,â he says, starting to get louder so the partygoers can hear him now. You knew he was doing this to try and embarrass you and youâve had enough. Just as you were about to tell this guy off for the umpteenth time, Jungkook goes up to him.
âShe knows me, sheâs one of my models,â he tells Stanley, your eyes grew wide when he said that. You havenât even told him if you were going to do it yet here is answering the question for you.
âOh.. my apologies sir,â the bouncer looked visibly nervous by Jungkook now, he knew he just fucked up big time.
âYeah, next time donât be such a prick to my models, youâre supposed to treat them all with dignity and respect. Iâll have to tell Don about this, unacceptable.â Jungkook walks past him and he looks terrified. You laugh at how the roles switched now and you flip the bouncer off as you finally make it inside. The living room was gigantic, all of the furniture was over the top and gaudy looking, the couch was a solid gold color and you wouldnât be surprised if it was actually made of real gold. You never stepped foot in a place like this, seeing everyone all dressed up, a broad mix of people that looked like they came from all different walks of life. You were so intrigued by the way everyone interacted, how they looked so elegantâ so expensive.
âSooo, you werenât going to tell me you knew someone here y/n? Youâre also a model now, what the hell? Tell me whatâs going on!â Mina starts prying you with a million questions that you barely had any of the answers to.
âI- uh- actually itâs not really what you think,â you try nervously explaining, âitâs a long story, actually not really but⊠yeah.â God, you suck at trying to express yourself.
âLook if you wanna model thatâs fine, Iâll support you 100% but that guy⊠are you seeing him? He was fucking gorgeous!â Her interest piques as she mentions Jungkook, of course sheâd want to know more on that.
âNo! I literally just met him today, itâs not like that at all-â you attempt to say but your words are prematurely cut off.
âToday?! Whenâd you have time to meet a sexy man like that? Does he have any brothers? Asking for a friend..â
âHe came into my job and asked me if I wanted to model for his agency...â as you kept talking about the whole modeling thing with Mina you canât help but think about your best friend Sakura. She shouldâve been the first person you told about this, she would be more than excited and happy to hear all this right now. You couldnât wait to update her on everything thatâs happened and tomorrow was right around the corner. Jungkook comes back to you and hands you a shot glass with brown liquor.
âI donât really like dark liquorâŠâ you say to him as you hand the glass back to him, unwilling to drink it.
He looked deeply offended by your action. âThis is not just your average run-of-the-mill alcohol love, this is vintage 2004 Veuve Clicquot imported directly from France, just try it.â
You take the glass back from him and took a swig. The taste was quite delicate, it was light, airy, and went straight through you like water. You swing your head back as you drank the rest and wiped the excess liquid from the side of your mouth, admitting to him that you thought it was pretty goodâ he tells you he already knows but wanted you to see it for yourself. You took a couple more shots of the same liquor and it didnât take much for you to start already feeling a little tipsy. You were now sitting on the balcony with Jungkook, your friend Mina was with Kai and she was probably going to end up leaving with him tonight. You look down from the balcony, watching cars pass by as you feel your body temperature grow hotter from all the alcohol you consumed. Turning over to look at Jungkook now, heâs seated across from you, placing a cigarette between his lips, and hovering his hand over it to block the subtle wind as he lights the end.
âYou know smoking is bad for your health, right?â You giggle to yourself as you tease him, knowing heâs probably heard that a million times but you wanted to say it anyway.
âEver heard of minding your own business?â He says after he exhales. A cloud of smoke starts to linger towards you now and you tried to stifle a cough but ultimately failed due to the lethargic odor.
âI could die from secondhand smoke yâknow!â You yell, dramatically wafting it away. Youâve always hated cigarettes, both of your parents smoked and it was starting to give you flashbacks from when theyâd literally smoke around you when you were a child.
âItâs not like thereâs any small kids around,â he shrugs his shoulders and takes another drag from it, âyouâll be fine!â
You roll your eyes, you didnât feel like ranting about your messed up home life when you were younger so you let it go. For some reason you donât feel turned off by Jungkook smoking, usually that would be a huge dealbreaker for you. You change the subject with something more lighthearted, âso.. tell me more about your modeling agency.â
Jungkook finishes his cigarette, crushes it and flicks it off the railing of the balcony, âwell, in a nutshell I basically scout and manage all my models, set up all their gigs, put everyone on my payroll, and always have to plan everything ahead⊠If things donât go my way I get real mad.â
You knew he was somewhat a notable guy but you didnât know he did all of this. You were impressed by the way he spoke about his line of work, how much time and effort he puts into all of it, you knew you were in good hands if you do end up working for him. Jungkook further explains the ins and outs of modeling, all the hardships heâs had to face in order to make a name for himself.
âItâs a cutthroat industry, you either take risks and show them what youâre made of or sit back in the sidelines and pray for a chance,â he says, âIâm not one of those people who waits around for what they want.â
You can tell he practices everything he preaches, he was so persistent when you werenât sure of modeling but he made you feel more at ease about the idea, he was the perfect businessman. Whatever Jungkook wants, Jungkook gets.
As you continue talking more with him through the night, he starts asking you more personal questions. He asked if you go to school or have other hobbies you like. You tell him that you were a college drop out, you couldnât afford to pay the tuition fees and your parents were making your life a living hell. Deciding to drink a bit more later on, you soon became so intoxicated that you were willing to overshare entirely too much with him. You were in such a fragile state that you ended up sobbing in Jungkookâs arms due to all the memories of your shitty life coming back to you, living in a real life nightmare. Jungkook held you in his embrace as you let the water works continue, you were such a mess right now but Jungkook was here to listen to your problems without you feeling any guilt about it. He pat your back and gave you a couple âthere, there, itâs okayâ and âitâll be alright, just calm downâ before you finally stopped yourself from sobbing so much. Your breath hitched as you feel your chest weigh heavy from all the crying you just did, you were drunk, sad, and now a little hungry for some reason..?
You bring your head up from the comfort of Jungkookâs chest and wipe your tears away quickly, âs-sorry about that, I just really needed a shoulder to cry on todayâŠâ
âItâs alright y/n, Iâm here for you to make sure youâre okay,â he brushes some hair out of your face so he can look at you better, âyouâre too pretty to be crying like this, a woman as beautiful as you should never have to suffer in life.â
You shook your head, âI must not be beautiful then, if I was then I wouldnât be feeling so broken right nowâŠâ
âThatâs not true, even the most gorgeous souls go through many tribulations in life, itâs what we do after those moments that are most viable. Even when youâre at your lowest, itâs those intense highs that make life worth living all over again.â Jungkook always spoke wisely, you know heâs definitely been through some shit to be able to give such good, eye-opening advice.
âYouâre really wise Jungkook,â you say to him, âI aspire to be like you when I grow up.â
âOh jeez donât say that, youâre gonna make me feel old..â
Thatâs when you realize you never quite knew his age, you never thought to ask but it does seem pretty important to know.
âHow old are you by the way?â You bluntly ask, you probably offended him by asking like that outright but you didnât really care.
âTake a guess..?â He decides to play the long game and chose not to answer right away.
You hate when guys do this to you because you never know what to say incase they get salty over your answer.
â25?â Jungkook bursts out laughing at that answer, he looks at you as if you had three heads attached to your body.
âWow, really? Iâm flattered you think that, I havenât been 25 in almost a decade,â he says with a big grin plastered on his face. You probably made his day by making that comment. You were surprised to hear him say that though, a decade? Christ, this man could possibly be old enough to be your father.
âSo youâre like what, 33 or 34?â You ask.
âIâm 32,â he answers casually, âdonât be intimidated by my age love, Iâve been with many girls your age already.â
You playfully hit his arm and tell him how a comment like that was inappropriate. âYou shouldnât be talking to one of your future models that way!â Expressing in a joking manner.
He chuckles at you and sways his hand, âoh please, youâd be surprised how many girls ask to be one of my models, Iâve gotten hundreds of DMâs from all over.â
You were puzzled by how he has tons of willing models wanting to be a part of his agency yet here is hanging out with a random girl who works at a convenience store and barely paying their bills on time.
âWhy do you want me then?â You blurt out. Instantly regretting the way you worded that, practically setting yourself up for the worst response.
âHuh? What do you mean?â He raises an eyebrow, âI just want you to be one of my models and nothing more, youâre a very cute girl y/n but I have other priorities to worry about.â
You felt like someone punched you in the gut, what he said actually offended you to some degree. You know you shouldnât be upset that this man who is clearly much older than you and has way more on his plate wouldnât give you the time of day. You rephrase yourself, âWhat I meant to say was why you were so desperate for me to sign with your agency in the first place,â you continue your little speech âand furthermore, I wasnât asking for you to try and get with me Iâm not one of those dumb, easy girls that you can just get into bed with!â You know you probably upset him by what you were saying but quite frankly you donât give a flying fuck. Not even less than an hour ago were you just crying into this manâs arms and now heâs acting like somewhat of a jerk to you. What happened to what he said earlier about not making beautiful women suffer? Guess that was all a lie too.
You were so done with him at this point you get up to leave from the balcony but your limbs went pliant and your face grew flushed from all the alcohol. You try to drunkenly stumble your way from him but Jungkook held your arms in his grasp tightly.
âYouâre way too drunk to be walking alone right now, those guys will tear you to shreds in there,â he warns, bringing you back down to the chair but you swat him away and tell him to stop trying to be âniceâ to you.
âYou can cut the act now Jungkook. Youâre so fucking fake, pretending to care when you never did the whole time, youâre just like everyone else!â You shout while slurring your words a bit, getting up again to leave but he grabs you yet again.
âDonât fucking touch me!â You nudge your arm away from him and try getting him off you but it isnât working much. Jungkook was much stronger than you physically, all he had to do was pin your arms down so you couldnât go anywhere. Since you were in a very much messy, drunken state you werenât thinking rationally, all you wanted to do was get away from him. You were angry at the whole world right now and Jungkook was the person you wanted to take it all out on.
âStop trying to fight with me y/n, itâs not going to work,â he says while still having your arms pinned to your sides, âIâve dealt with bratty girls like you before, this is nothing to me.â
âYouâre nothing,â you rudely spat back at him, âI never want to see you again.â
He deeply sighs, âI think youâre just very drunk right now and youâre just mad I told you straight up how I felt.â
You knew he was right but you were selfish, stubborn, and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Youâre surprised heâs even tolerating you for this long, he must not be fully done with your bratty attitude.
âIâm going home!â Was all you said, attempting to wriggle your way out of Jungkookâs tight hold but he wasnât letting up, âwhat the fuck let me go already!â You were starting to grow increasingly impatient with him.
âNo,â he simply says.
âNo? What do you mean no? Let me fucking go you idiot!â You werenât having any of his shenanigans, you wanted him to release you right this instant.
âDo you see yourself right now? If I let you out into the world youâll end up setting the entire earth ablaze,â he voices with genuine worry, âIâm going to drive you home and youâre going to leave your car here, Iâll bring it to you in the morning so youâll have it for work.â
âI thought I told you I never wanted to see your face again,â you hiss, âI mean it too.â
He rolls his eyes at your non-intimidating threat, âIâve heard that one before many times sweetheart, they always come back in the end I promise.â
You were losing this battle by a landslide, every insult you made towards him he had a rebuttal for it, he wasnât the type to let you just sit there and say whatever about him. You huff as you come to terms with the idea of Jungkook taking you home. You wanted so desperately to tell him off, you wanted to walk away with your pride but he would just come back ten times harder. Jungkook leads the way for you both and you hold onto his arm, you saw some people over in the corner doing lines of coke and you gasped.
âThatâs typical everyday stuff in the modeling industry, get used to it babe.â He says as he walks past them, not even batting an eye. The fact he still thinks youâre going to model for him was absurd to you, you never told him a yes or no and heâs just already speaking it into existence. As you walk out and head to his car you feel the cool breeze of the night air brush against your skin, looking up as youâre still holding onto him, his eyes hung low and he looked so tired right now. You wonder whatâs on his mind at the moment.
Jungkook opens his car door for you and you get inside, plopping down on the leather seat and passing out almost instantly. Jungkook stares at you for a while to make sure you were okay and still breathing, it looked as if you had dropped dead as soon as you got in. He could tell that you were just very drunk and he proceeds to drive you home while youâre asleep in the passenger side, checking up on you from time to time. You donât remember anything that happened after you got into his car but he made sure you got home safely and was able to figure out which key was for your apartment door. He left without saying a word and just drove off into the night.
When you woke up you were so confused to find yourself tucked in bed, looking around to see if anyone else was in your room but it was vacant. You still had your dress on from last night and the hair clips you wore has now been scattered all over the bed. You check your phone to see if you had any missed texts or calls and you had a few from Sakura and Mina. Sakura texted you asking if everything was okay and if you ended up doing anything last night while Mina asked if you hooked up with the hot guy from yesterday. You answer them both as you check the time. It was 10:30 am, you were an hour and thirty minutes late for workâŠ
You instantly jump up from your bed, brush your teeth, change into your work clothes, and get in your car. You couldnât believe Jungkook actually remembered to bring you your car in the morning and he never told you. You were just happy you had your car, practically speeding to get to work. When you finally get to work you head inside to see a ton of customers, looking to see who was at the register, it was your manager. You knew you were about to be in deep shit for being late. Once you get yourself together in the bathroom to prepare yourself for potentially getting fired, you head over to the register.
âWhere were you this morning y/n?â Your manager asks harshly.
âI had to take care of some family stuff Iâm so sorry I shouldâve-â
âWell communicate that with me next time! Iâve had enough of your lazy, good for nothing ass and youâre one more no-call-no-show away from getting let go!â You could tell that your manager was getting fed up with your shit. Deep down though, you didnât really care because at the end of day itâs just a convenience store. This was not your dream job, this was nothing you wanted, you knew you deserved more in life than this mind decaying job.
âYou know what? Fuck you, Iâm done.â You say to your manager, storming off with the little bit of dignity you had left.
You were so over people telling you what to do, you wanted to do something for yourself for a change. Your manager tried pleading with you to change your mind but you were settled, you were done tolerating everything. Grabbing all your things and heading back home, you blasted your favorite music and just let the the road do the talking. You felt so powerful by what you just did, you donât care if that was the only job you had because now you have a new option. You were still thinking about doing modeling and the business card was still sitting in your back pocket. You arrive back home and as you walk up the steps you see a note on your door, it was an eviction noticeâ addressed directly to you. The note read that if you didnât pay your past three months worth of rent youâll be evicted by the end of the month. You wanted to fall to your knees and sob. Just as you thought you were finally doing something good for yourself, the universe brings something else to make it even worse. You didnât know what to do in this moment but call your best friend Sakura, you couldnât stop crying, barely able to get a coherent sentence out.
âTheyâre trying to get rid of me!â You exclaim to her, âthey want me homeless and out on the street, this should be illegal Kura!â
âI mean.. you havenât been the best at paying your rent on time y/n, I think itâs time for you to take some accountability here..â
Your ears couldnât process what you were hearing, feeling utterly dumbfounded by her comment. âAccountability? What do you know about that? Youâre the least accountable person I know!â
She scoffs, âactually, thatâs you y/n.â
You went quiet for a second, of all people right now talking about taking âaccountabilityâ you couldnât believe it was her saying it. All the times youâd ask to hang out and sheâd give you those lame excuses time after time, you never pressed the issue yet here she is going on and on about accountability and taking responsibility for your actions.
âYouâre such a hypocrite Sakura, I feel stupid that I even bothered reaching out to you, you are absolutely no help!â You hang up on her before she could speak and go inside your apartment. You walk in and see two out of three of your roommates sitting at the dining table talking, you see them glance over at you and you wanted to ask them what they were staring at but youâve reached your limit with confronting people. The best way to deal with anything has always been pushing it away or yelling/arguing for you, itâs how youâve been raised to handle your emotions.
You let out a sigh as you sat on your bed, there were a million things racing through your mind right now but you had no clue how to organize it all. You wanted to resort to just throwing everything everywhere but that would only cause even more distress to you once your fit of rage is over. You look down at your floor and see those pants you wore yesterday from work and pick them up, looking in your back pockets to find the little 3.5â x 2.0â card in the right one. As you stared at Jungkookâs number on the card you skim the tiny words to see if you can find more info, thatâs when you find an address on the back of the card. You werenât sure whoâs address it was but you assumed it was probably the building to his modeling agency. You contemplate back and forth in your mind if this is really something worth doing. You really didnât have any other options, you were now jobless, completely broke, and about to be evicted by the end of the month. You knew it was now or never and you didnât have much left to lose.
You drive to the address that was on the business card, you had no idea where you were going but you knew you were probably in the right direction when you came to a gated community. You stopped at the gate and got out the car, you werenât sure how you were going to get in and but you were going to find a way. You look around to see if anyone was coming and you donât see anybody, you thought of maybe climbing the gate but the top was pretty sharp and pointy so you knew that probably wasnât the best idea. You stand around for a bit, puzzled on what your next move should be considering you never had a plan to begin with. You hear another car come up behind you towards the gate, stopping as they see you standing their way.
âHey quit blocking the gate, I need to be let in!â The person shouts out from their car window, thatâs when you came with the perfect plan. You head back to your car as normal and let the person behind you go first, once they entered the code to let them through the gate you quickly followed after. You were finally in, now all you had to do was find Jungkook. You look for the number â3435â on any door you could find, finally stumbling upon the right one. The place was a residential building and didnât look like it could be a studio but you give it a shot anyway. You ring the doorbell and wait patiently for someone to answer, after a minute passes you start to grow weary of the place. You were getting desperate now, you needed to know if Jungkook was in there. You look through the large windows trying to make out what you see but you donât see anyone inside. You knock on the window to see if anyone would hear it, absolutely nothing. You werenât going to give up just yet though.
You start pounding on the door, knocking ferociously as you repeatedly shout Jungkookâs name, being a total nuisance at this point. You keep pounding heavily onto the door, pleading for someone to answer, you donât know how long youâve been here for but it feels like forever. You were about to turn and leave but then you hear a lock click from the inside. You see who opens the door and it was none other than Jungkook. You immediately run to him and try to hug him but he takes a step back.
âY/n⊠what are you doing here?â He says in almost an unnerving way. You donât know whatâs going on with him but he looked really on edge for some reason.
âIâll do it,â you tell him âIâll model for you.â
âI mean Iâm glad to hear that but did you really have to come to my home to tell me that? Howâd you even get in here?!â
âDonât worry about, Iâm now unemployed so I have all the free time to do whatever you want with me now!â You shrug off the fact that you pretty much showed up to his house unannounced, not seeing anything wrong with your odd behavior.
Jungkook smirks at that, âaw, you quit for me? Thatâs dedication right there.â
âI didnât quit for you, I quit for myself.â You were quick to clarify.
âWell good, that fucking shack didnât deserve you anyway.â You laughed at his comment, you wonder if heâs ever had to work a normal 9-5 job in his life.
âSo this is where you do your business at? In the comfort of your home?â You ask him.
âNo, the corporate building is at a different location and I also have 2 other studios elsewhere.â
You didnât know he was that well off that he was able to have so many different locations of work, you were amazed at all of his achievements. You continue asking more about his job but he doesnât seem very interested in talking about it right now. He keeps looking away at you almost as if heâs expecting something.
âLook y/n, now really isnât a good time to be talking, Iâm quite busy.â Jungkook admits while looking around at everything but you.
âOh really? I was hoping we could talk a bit moreâŠâ you frown, looking at the ground by his dismissive attitude.
âI thought you never wanted to see my face again y/n.â
Thatâs when it hit you, the memories from last night came flooding back to you. Going from sobbing in Jungkookâs arms to cursing him out and belittling him all in one night. As much as you wished you had no recollection of it all, you did. You knew how immature you acted out and you needed to save face quickly.
âLook, Iâm sorry Jungkook, I was drunk and didnât mean to hurt you-â
âYou didnât hurt me at all, you were only hurting yourself by acting like a complete fool.â
You wanted to retaliate back at him but you knew you couldnât. You knew you were the one in the wrong but admitting it was one thing.
âCan we just pretend like that never happened?â You try bargaining with him in a hopeful tone, âjust let bygones be bygones.â
âSure, I guess.â He shrugs, not really putting much energy into the conversation as you are.
âWhy are you acting like this?â You start to pout and begin whining like the brat you are.
âOh for the love God y/n, canât you see how you act?â He breaks out of his stoic character momentarily, âyouâre too hot and cold for me, it drives me insane.â
âI drive you insane?â You playfully point out his choice of words, you are the most unserious, insufferable person ever.
âNot like thatâŠâ
You were yet again offended by his little comment. Every time you think Jungkook might be into you he says something to immediately reverse it. You know heâs much older than you and heâs dealt with younger girls like you, all you girls do is give him headaches. You donât say anything and just tell him that youâre leaving. He asks where youâre going since you donât have a job anymore and you said were going home. Jungkook watches as you walk away and sighs heavily, closing the door once you were let out of his sight.
Your first modeling gig was today. Jungkook was thrilled to bring you on board with his team, everyone welcomed you with open arms and seemed very nice so far. Jungkook texted you the details of where the shoot will be and what to do once you got there. He took his job very serious and became a completely different person, making sure everything was in order, if it wasnâtâ thereâd surely be hell to pay.
âWhere the hell is Yoon? She shouldâve been here hours ago!â Jungkook shouts frustratedly, he was helping the photographer set up for the shoot and you were sitting in a folding chair getting your makeup done. It felt weird having someone else do your makeup and dress you up for you. You felt like a human doll, just there to sit still, look pretty, and nothing more. Your makeup artist was super sweet and kept asking you questions here and there, youâd chat with them while looking over at Jungkook from the corner of your eye. He instructs the staff to arrange the props on the set, fully immersed in his work.
âYoonâs here boss!â One of the staff calls out to Jungkook, you can see a weight visibly lift from his shoulders as he takes a breath of relief.
âOh thank God, I canât believe sheâd do this to me!â He leaves the studio for a second to go talk to one of his models.
You were finally done with your makeup and hair but now it was time for them to style you. You werenât sure what theyâd be putting you in since you donât know much about designer brands. The stylist comes up to you and introduces himself, âHi, you must be y/n, Iâm Yeonjun your personal stylist!â He takes his hand out for you to shake and you grab it.
âNice to meet you Yeonjun!â You examine his outfit and he looked so expensive from head to toe. The plaid trench coat he was wearing looked like it costs more than your lifetime, you were dealing with someone who obviously knew what they were doing.
âLetâs see whatâll look best on you,â Yeonjun rummages through the rack of clothes as he looks for the best styles, he picks out a dress that you would never see yourself wearing in real life but it was gorgeous. The dress was a light shade of pink, had lace-up corset detailing, a high-low silhouette, and was adorned with lace. You were completely in love with the dress and couldnât take your eyes off it.
âI assume you really like this one, huh?â Yeonjun says looking at you staring at the garment.
âItâs stunning..â was all you were able to say, you donât see things like this on the regular so you feel the fabric against your hands. You couldnât wait to try it on and see how you looked. Yeonjun hands you the dress, a pair of lace stockings to match, and the prettiest nude kitten heels. Once you had the whole look on you stared at yourself in the mirror, you looked and felt like a beautiful princess. You almost didnât recognize yourself for a second, you looked like an ethereal fairy on her way to a pixie meet-up.
âI love this look on you!â Yeonjun squeals with excitement, he fixes your dress a bit since it was slightly crooked and heâs a perfectionist.
You smile at him, âthank you Yeonjun, youâre the reason I look so pretty though!â
He blushes at your comment and thanks you. You were already making a friend with your new job and it felt nice meeting people that actually wanted to do something with their lives. You walk back to the set from the dressing room and see Jungkook directing one of the models for a shoot while the photographer took photos. He was just about finishing up as you walked in, he looks up and sees you walking to the set. His eyes did a double take when he looked at you, he knew youâd be a gorgeous model but seeing it right now was different for him. You were absolutely stunning in the look Yeonjun put you in and you felt super confident.
âWow, you look beautiful y/n!â Jungkook says with the biggest smile on his face, you know heâs only being friendly but you wished he meant it in a flirty kind of way.
âThanks Jungkook,â you timidly reply as you watch the other models get their pictures taken.
âAre you nervous?â He asks.
âA little bit, but Yeonjun was really sweet and assured me Iâll do just fine.â
He nods, âGood, Yeonjun is a great stylist, Iâve been working with him for years!â
It was now your turn to get your photos taken and you were excited yet anxious about how itâll turn out. You stand in front of the backdrop and Jungkook begins instructing you on what to do, âmove your arm like this y/nâ âturn towards meâ âgood job!â and âpose like thisâ was all you kept hearing from him and the photographer. The camera flashing in your face repeatedly was giving you a headache but you bear through it. You did all kinds of poses and held the props, you had to do something called âsmizingâ which was basically smiling with your eyes. Jungkook was giving you modeling 101 lessons all while you were getting your photos taken.
You were having a lot of fun with the shoot, it was getting more playful towards the end and you got to jump around and play a bit on the set. Jungkook was loving your natural energy with the camera and you were easing up to it quickly, he soon didnât even need to tell you how to pose anymore.
âWow sheâs really good,â the photographer says to Jungkook, âsheâs a natural!â
âI know,â Jungkook agrees instantly âthatâs why I chose her.â
You continue taking photos and Jungkook watches you in awe, as reluctant as you were about modeling you sure did a magnificent job at it.
âOkay, I think weâre good!â The photographer says, now setting the camera aside. You step away from the set and the staff goes to clean up immediately. You get your water bottle from the counter and take a swig, you didnât realize you broke a little bit of a sweat, who knew modeling could be so hard.
âYou did so well y/n, Iâm very impressed by how easily youâre meshing into this industry,â Jungkook says as he comes up to you, âmaybe modeling is your calling!â
âThanks Jungkook, I really appreciate your kind words.â You faintly smile at him.
âI have to go meet some clientele in a bit but I was wondering if youâd want to go out for a drink later? Celebrate your first photoshoot?â He asks while leaning his arm on the counter, his face was so uncomfortably close to yours that he may as well just kiss you already. You wondered what it would be like to kiss Jungkook, he had really pretty lips that just looked so kissable.
âUh y/n, you there?â He waves a hand in your face, you went full zone-out mode again.
âShit, sorry. Yeah Iâm down!â You say, snapping out of your little trance, you know heâs only inviting you in a colleague kind of way but youâre holding onto the idea of maybe it leading to something more. You never really gave much thought into being with an older guy, you always saw most of them as creepy and weird or not your type. Jungkook was the first older guy to really grab your attention though, you gravitated towards him and you wanted to be near him. You wanted him to see you the way he first did, not the girl that was crying in his arms at 2 am while ending up passing out in his car. All you have to do is get him alone and talk for a bit, which was your plan when you see him tonight.
The bills keep piling up, you donât know what to do anymore. Itâll be 25 days until you get officially evicted and that three months rent is still nowhere to be seen. You were getting so stressed out that you drank 2 large glasses of wine and watched a sad kdrama for a bit. Sulking in your sorrows was the only way you could manage, you seemingly had no other choice. You were lying in your bed when you received a text from Jungkook asking if you were ready, you make a dash for your closet as you rush to find something to wear. Youâve been drinking and sitting around all day you completely forgot you were supposed to be getting drinks with Jungkook tonight. You scramble to put on a decent outfit and slip on your platform heels before you ran outside to go meet Jungkook who was parked outside your house.
âSo sorry to keep you waiting!â You apologize while still running to the door, Jungkook opens the door for you and you thank him.
âI understand,â he says, âweâve all been fashionably late from time to time.â
The car ride to the bar was pretty quick, it only took 6 minutes to get there but youâve never seen this place before, yet even heard of it. The inside wasnât too busy, there were definitely people there but it wasnât lively like a Friday or Saturday night would be. You sit on one of the bar stools at the bar and Jungkook sits next to you.
âWhat do you usually like to drink?â He asks.
âI just really love wine,â you tell him, âany kind of wine is fine.â
âWine is fine indeed,â Jungkook repeats after you, âIâll get you some then!â
âYou donât have to buy it for me!â You try to maintain your independent façade, you were completely bluffing though as you barely had $20 to your name currently.
He only chuckles at you, âItâs okay, I donât think youâd even be able to afford anything in here if Iâm being honest.â
That crushed you a little bit but you know itâs the truth. You havenât told Jungkook about your whole eviction situation but the fact you now donât have a job and practically came back to him begging for one says it all. The bartender brings the wine and Jungkook hands you a glass. You take it instantly and start chugging it, you wanted nothing more than to be drunk off your ass.
âWoah y/n, slow downâ he says to you cautiously, âyou donât need to be drinking like that.â
âWhat are you my father?â You sneer at his judgement, you donât even know why youâd say something like that because now youâre thinking about your family issues again. This was about to become a crying in Jungkookâs arms 2.0âŠ
âNo, I wouldnât want to be your father, just saying.â
That definitely rubbed you the wrong way. âSo now youâre saying Iâm a burden to my family?!â You were livid now, you wanted to take Jungkookâs drink and throw it right in his face. How dare he something like that? He has no idea what youâve gone through.
âI didnât mean it like that y/n, I was just saying-â
âNo youâve definitely already said enough,â you cut him off before getting up to leave, âIâm done here!â
You feel a tug to your arm, âWhere the hell are you going y/n?â
âHome!â
âWith what vehicle?â He asks.
âIâll walk, I really donât give a fuck anymore.â You walk out of the bar and donât look back, you can hear Jungkook calling your name after you but you pretend like you donât hear it.
âI know you can hear me calling after you y/n!â
You keep walking, you pay no mind to him as you attempt to walk down the street. You feel someone come up from behind you and pull you back.
âLet me go!â You shout as you kick your feet trying to get Jungkook off of you, he does what he did last time and pins your arms to your sides, âI said let me fucking go!â
âIâm not letting you go y/n, youâre not leaving my sight tonight.â
âIâm a grown ass woman, I can handle myself!â You wiggle around with Jungkook still having a tight grip on you.
He sighs, âI know youâre a grown woman, but right now you are not acting like one.â
âI can act however I want!â
You were being very difficult for Jungkook, he thought he could handle your mood swings but itâs starting to become too much for him. He wants you to cooperate with him but itâs like any little thing he says can set you off, you were a ticking time bomb ready to blow at any minute. He kept trying to drag you to his car but you kept cursing and shouting at him. He wants to believe youâre a good person, he really does, but your actions are showing something completely different.
âCan you just stop fighting with me!â Jungkook finally raises his voice at you, you froze when you heard his stern tone for the first time.
âIâm really trying with you y/n, but youâre making this hard for me, youâre too unpredictable...â
âOh, but I thought youâve dealt with bratty girls like me before?â You remind him again of what he said once before, making him regret his decision.
âI have⊠just not to your degree.â
âI guess Iâm special then,â you laugh almost maniacally, still being tied down by Jungkook, the tight hold he had on you started to loosen up.
âYouâre a lot to manage for sure,â he releases you from his grip and were finally free. He asks you to get in the car and you oblige, he makes his way back to your apartment.
As you approach your home, he parks across from it and you sit with Jungkook for a bit. You wanted to apologize for your actions earlier but you donât even think an apology will suffice. Your behavior has been truly awful towards him and you wouldnât be surprised he never wants to work with you again. You decide to do the weirdest option you could think of.
âWould you like to come inside?â You suddenly ask him, you donât know why youâd ask something like that considering the stunt you pulled earlier. You were completely in shock when Jungkook actually says yes to your offer. Maybe the plan you originally had for tonight could still swing into action.
As you head inside, you see the same two roommates who were looking at you this morning, now seated on the couch. They turned their heads instantly when they saw Jungkook come in, looking at you as if youâd just killed someone. Your roommates hate when you bring people over, especially men. You couldnât care less though, there was high chances of you getting evicted from this place anyway, might as well live it up while you still can.
âWelcome to my humble abode!â You say, spreading your arms out to show off your tiny bedroom. It wasnât much but it was a space and you are proud of it, wellâ were.
âThis is nice,â Jungkook says as he looks around to examine the place, âI only saw it for a brief moment before but this reminds me of an apartment I had in the early 2000âs when I was just starting out.â
You adored the way Jungkook would talk about old memories, he always had such pleasant things to say about his life. You were kind of jealous of his upbringing, how happy and exciting it sounded. You wished for a childhood where you couldâve just been yourself, not a caricature of what your parents want you to be. You secretly loathed Jungkook for having it easier than you.
âI really need another drink,â you say to him as you get up to head towards the kitchen but he stops you.
âI think you should lay off the drinking for the rest of the night, youâve had too much already.â
Usually youâd retaliate and tell him to fuck off but you donât this time. You simply just go back to sitting on your bed. You only wanted the alcohol to numb your pain away.
âAre you okay y/n? Seriously, if you need to talk Iâm here for you.â His concern grew for you even more, letting it be known that you can rely on him for anything.
You feel the tears starting to arise now, all your melancholic thoughts pushed back in your mind became clear as day. You bring your legs up to your chest and hug yourself tight trying to comfort yourself.
âI just- Iâm just dealing with a lot of stuff right now..â your voice became shakier as you spoke, unable to face him.
âWhatâs been going on? Tell me, Iâm here for a reason, itâs not good to bottle it up and go through these things alone.â Jungkook has his hand rested on your knee, rubbing it gently as you start crying with your head in your hands. You hate when people see you like this and the fact Jungkook saw you cry twice was enough for you to never wanna show your face again. You werenât sure what to even say, do you tell him about you and your best friendâs rocky relationship? Do you bring up your money troubles? Your fucked up childhood? The eviction notice on your door? Your mind begun spiraling.
You end up going on a ramble, a full blown rant of everything. You told him all the shitty things youâve been through, how you were struggling, and even how you were going to be without a home soon. It felt good to let everything out but at the same time you feel worse for telling someone whoâs basically still a stranger to you, your whole life story.
âWow⊠that was a lot y/n,â Jungkook says trying to digest everything you just told him. You wipe your tears and finally show your face, your eyes were probably bloodshot but you didnât care.
âIâm so sorry you had to go through all of that,â he places his hand delicately on your chin, forcing you to look him in the eye. âYou have me now y/n, Iâm not going to let you go homeless, Iâll stick by your side.â
You smiled at his sweet comment, he sounded so sincere saying it, you truly believe he wouldnât let that happen to you.
âThank you Jungkook.â You reach out to give him a hug, he embraces you with open arms and gives you a tight, long hug back. You felt so safe with him and heâs never shown malicious intentions, if anything heâs put up with you for this long so that should already be saying something.
You ponder a thought in your head as you think about the idea of kissing Jungkook again, you know youâre probably making a big mistake by doing this but you were willing to give it a try anyway.
âJungkook, can I kiss you?â You ask shyly, saying it in the softest, lowest tone. Youâre usually straightforward with what you want but he was so inconsistent with the way he talked to you. One moment you think he wants you and the next you feel as though you just got friend-zoned to oblivion.
Jungkook looks visibly taken aback by your question, âI mean⊠yeah Iâd love to.â
You were now even more taken aback than he was, he said yes??
You wasted no time to lean in and press your lips against his. Jungkook kisses you back tentatively, his hand now placed on the side of your face, stroking it gently. The aroma of his expensive cologne fills you with a deeper craving, making you feel dizzy as you continue kissing. Jungkookâs tongue presses against your lower lip as he asks for entry, you part your lips to let him explore you further. The warmth of his tongue leaves fuzzy feelings inside as he a kisses you more hungrily. His lips felt so soft, they were exactly how youâd expected them to be but better. His pillowy lips aligned perfectly against yours, tangling your fingers through his hair and moaning ever so slightly into his mouth.
This mustâve awakened something primal in him because once he heard that he kisses you with more aggression, feeling every ounce of burning passion. His fingertips went traveling down your leg as he exchanges his saliva for yours. It was messy, but addicting. You could feel the fireworks setting off inside you as youâre both breathing heavily from your lips being connected together. You can feel Jungkookâs fingers sliding lower, he rubs the inner part of your thigh and kneads it gently. You could feel your heart rapidly beating out of your chest, his mouth and his touch was the perfect recipe for you to become obsessed with him. Jungkook doesnât break the kiss as he lifts you up from the edge of the bed, he carries you bridal style and brings you toward the middle of the bed now. Your bodies press against one another as you both roll on the bed, feeling both your body heats combined. Jungkook finally breaks away from the kiss to look deeply into your eyes, finding the heavy panting he was doing kind of hot.
âI think I really like you y/n,â Jungkook shamelessly admits.
âI like you too Jungkook.â You smile while saying it, you finally got the answer you wanted from him all along.
âI knew deep down that I liked you but I was scared,â he continues, âI was scared that you might reject meâŠâ
You were surprised by Jungkookâs words, you thought the same way about him too. You both stare at each other with admiration and lust, dying to say something but not sure what. The sexual tension between you two only getting stronger as Jungkook scans your body with his eyes while licking his lips.
âYouâre honestly the most beautiful girl Iâve ever laid my eyes on,â he presses his lips against yours again. You let him enter your mouth as you feel his warm tongue glide against yours. You rub his back and ruffled your fingers through his hair some more, never getting enough of the delicious taste of him. His sneaky hands slide to the hem of your top, playing with the fabric before drawing them upwards. He lightly gropes your boobs and massages them, his touch felt as light as a feather. He breaks the kiss and leaves trails of kisses down your chin, your neck, then to your collarbone. His hot breath against you was making your mind all hazy.
He brings his head back down to the hem of your shirt but he doesnât take it off just yet, instead his hand roams up your body and goes underneath it. His hand now comes into contact with your nipple, causing your breath to hitch at the sensitivity. He drags his finger across your nipple, rubbing it in small, slow circles, looking up to get a good reaction from you. You open your mouth as you moan slightly, feeling the stimulation hitting every nerve in your body. He brings his other hand to your other nipple and plays with it a little rougher. He pinches them lightly and twists them a little bit, you can feel yourself growing even wetter down there, making more of a mess in your already soiled panties. He leaves a series of kisses along your neck, gently sucking on your skin, making sure not to hurt you as if you were fragile like porcelain. He leaves a small mark on your collarbone and smiles at you.
âYou sure you want to do this?â Jungkook asks reassuringly, âwe can always do this again another time⊠if youâre up for it.â
âNo,â you quickly answer, âI want this, I need this.â
That was all he needed to hear in order to continue. He lifts up your shirt and tosses it somewhere on the floor. He also takes off his so you can feel more comfortable. You examine his body and you were completely mesmerized. He was shredded, his abs were rock solid and his biceps looked even bigger without a shirt on. You could tell this man works out seriously, he definitely had to work hard to get a body like that.
âStop staring,â Jungkook says, âyouâre making me feel self conscious.â
âSorry but Iâm staring because youâre literally so sexy..â you admit.
He smirks at your compliment, âyouâre sexier though.â
His mouth now attaches to your perked nipple, making you hiss. He caresses your other boob as he licks, sucks, and nibbles on the soft flesh. As much as you were enjoying the feeling of his touch, you wanted more. You wanted him to give you his all. Jungkook comes up to your face again and kisses you once more. His kisses were so sweet, you couldnât get enough of them. Heâs back to rubbing your thigh again and you grab his hand, bringing it closer to the hem of your skirt. You can feel Jungkook smiling into the kiss, you were so horny for him and he loved it. Jungkook gets the hint, takes your skirt off and tosses it onto the floor with the rest of your clothes. He scans your body with his eyes as he finally gets a good look at your naked form, minus the panties you were wearing. He looks at your black lace see through panties that you bought from Victoriaâs Secret awhile ago. He bit his lip at the sight of you in front of him. As you lye on your back and spread your legs for him, his eyes grew wide as you do it without being told. You look at him with the most innocent eyes while youâre doing such a dirty act.
âTouch yourself for me.â He orders, slipping into a more dominant role.
Without hesitation you do it, bringing your fingers to your clothed cunt. You feel yourself through your panties as you run your fingers down, teasing yourself for him as he watches you closely. Your hands trail to the inside your panties, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip when you slide your middle finger against your clit. You moan out quietly as you gather the wet slick from your folds, feeling how soaked you are. You kept going as you rub your swollen clit, loving that heâs watching and getting incredibly turned on by this. The sensation only heightens from doing this in front of him, youâre enjoying it a little too much.
"Yes, good girl. Keep going baby,â He encourages you to continue pleasuring yourself, âfeels good doesnât it?â
âYes daddy, it does..â you keep your finger on your clit as you whine out loud, you werenât sure how long he wanted you to keep doing this. You throw your head back as you spread your legs further, rubbing your pussy faster for him. As you continue building a steady rhythm, you can feel your rising heartbeat, panting even heavier. Your breath hitches and you feel as though you might just reach your climax right now. Your chest concaves and you sigh as you continue rubbing your egregious zones. Jungkook looks at you in the most amatory way, watching in amusement as you play with yourself.
âFuck Jungkook, think mâgonna cumâŠâ you close your eyes from all the stimulation. Your pussy was abnormally wet, practically leaking all over your thighs and soiling the sheets of the bed.
âStop.â Jungkook demands sternly, you instantly open your eyes to look at him and he looks dead serious.
You do as youâre told and stop but you feel so sad now, wanting to reach your high but now itâs simply vanished away. You whine loudly, you were hoping Jungkook would be kind enough to let you cum.
âYou think Iâm really going to let you cum without it being from me first?â He tsks, taking your hand off your stomach to prevent you from trying anything else.
âI wanted to get a feel of what you like.â He further explains his reasoning, âthe way I could only do that was through a proper demonstration.â
You feel yourself grow more turned on the more Jungkook keeps talking. He says things so sensually and it makes you go absolutely crazy.
He settles on top of you and kisses you sweetly. He decorates your body with more fleeting kisses and once he lands upon your stomach he pauses momentarily. The wet muscle of his tongue glides against your stomach, leaving a glistening trail to your navel, quickly kissing it once heâs done. He goes down a little further and licks a long, thick stripe across your clothed slit. You gasp as you feel his tongue against you, wishing you could feel it without the restriction of your underwear, but soon youâll be able to.
He kisses your pussy and brings a couple licks and bites to your thighs. You smile in delight as he resides himself between your legs, everything about him felt so warm. He finally slides your panties down, tossing them to the side as he doesnât waste another second to slip his tongue inside, giving you no time to register anything as he flicks up and down. You love the way it feels, every bone and tendon within your body being surged with electricity. He continues dipping his tongue in your wetness as you hold onto his hair, causing it to look even messier. He licks from the bottom and goes back to the top, coming in contact with your clit now. He presses his tongue against it, giving small kitten licks at first. You wanted him to devour you already, the patience in you was growing thinner by the minute.
âPut your whole face in it,â you tell him in a demanding tone, youâve always been the one in charge when it came to sex but Jungkook was not one of those men.
âDonât fucking tell me what to do,â he says, his licks get slower now, heâs doing it on purpose to further agitate you.
âPlease! Jungkook, Iâm begging you to just fuck me already my god!â
Jungkook lifts his head up to look at you, his eyes were dark, almost going black.
âFine, if thatâs what you want so bad then Iâll give it you, slut.â
Jungkook takes off his jeans and boxers, you finally get the cock reveal youâve been waiting for. His manhood was long, thick, and veinyâ just as you imagined it to be. You lick your lips at the sight of his lengthy cock, wanting it in your mouth so badly. You come up to Jungkook and grab his cock in your hand ready to suck, but he flings your hand away instead.
âYou said you wanted me to fuck you, right?â
You nod, but now youâre regretting what you said, you wanted to feel his cock in your mouth but now you wonât be getting it.
Heâs back on top of you once again and strokes his cock a little bit before he puts it in. He groans as he slides his shaft against your wet folds. You moan out loud too, begging for him to finally give you what youâve been craving for hours. He continues rubbing your lips slowly with the head of his cock, his teasing is making you go utterly insane. You know heâs doing this just to annoy you.
âIâm only prolonging this because I donât want to hurt you,â Jungkook admits, âIâve made girls bleed before, and no they were not virgins.â
âI really donât wanna hear about other bitches right now,â you tell him as you roll your eyes, âI just want your dick in me. I can handle it, I promise.â
He proceeds to shut up and finally slides the tip inside, the sensation of him gradually opening you up little by little felt euphoric.
âYes Jungkook, give it to me, give it all to me daddyâŠâ you moan for him as he slides more of his cock inside.
The feeling of your warm pussy clenching around him made his mind go blank. Nothing was on his mind other than the way your walls were closing on him.
âYou feel so good already baby,â Jungkook says, he finally had all of his cock inside you now, filling you up so beautifully that youâve never felt so stuffed before.
âYou feel good too.â
He begins to thrust in you with a slow and steady pace at first, but he quickens it once you start eagerly bucking your hips up for him. He grabs your hips and holds them in place as he fucks himself deeper into you. The sound of your wet pussy slamming with Jungkookâs cock making you a hysterical mess. Jungkook watches as his cock disappears in and out of you, he grips your hips tighter as he goes as deep as he can. You feel him hitting all the right spots inside of you, he was making you feel crazy good, never wanting it to end. Your pretty tits were bouncing as he just keeps fucking you silly.
âYour pussy feels too good, I might not pull outâŠâ Jungkook was fully immersed into you, his cock felt amazing buried deep in your walls, sucking him in perfectly.
âMmm.. yes daddy please, wanna feel your cum!â You moan loudly as you close your eyes from all the pleasure.
Jungkook really loves the way you call him daddy during sex, heâs not sure if itâs because he just likes the way you say it or because he could actually be old enough to be your daddy. Either way a switch turned on for him and his insatiable appetite for your pussy was only growing stronger. Jungkook starts to thrust into you almost violently, his tight grip on your hips were leaving visible bruises now. You moaned louder as you feel his cock hitting your walls even harder, you scream out for him to keep going. You feel so full as you clench around him, you can see his face contorting from the grip your pussy has on his cock. Jungkook only gets more aggressive as he fucks you, circling your clit with the pad of his thumb viciously. Your eyes fell to the back of your head, feeling your orgasm only coming faster.
âJungkook please choke me,â you plea as you moan desperately, you wanted his hand around your neck so bad right now. He doesnât say anything except brings his tatted hand straight to your neck, wraps his fingers around the base of it and squeezes lightly. You tell him to add more pressure, the more he adds the more aroused you got. Youâve been choked during sex only once before and you remember liking it a lot.
âYou okay with this?â Jungkook asks while still holding onto your neck, you thought it was so cute how even during sex heâs worried for your safety.
âIâm fine, Iâm fine keep going,â you were enjoying every bit of it.
His grip on your neck grew tighter as his thrusts became more erratic, you move your hips up to match his rampant thrusts so you could be in sync. Your bodies were morphing as one and you could feel yourself coming close to your orgasm. You looked so fucked out right now, reduced to nothing but a whiny and babbling mess.
âIâm gonna cum daddy!â You moan out, he still had you in a chokehold but lowered his face to come closer to yours. You thought he was going to kiss you so you part your lips to already gain him entrance but instead he spits in your mouth. You swallow it and open your mouth again to show that was it gone.
âThatâs my good girl,â he groans as he shoves his cock deeper, âNow you can cum on daddyâs cock.â
You feel yourself let go as soon as you hear him say that, you practically scream out his name when he hits your g-spot. You were pleading for Jungkook to cum inside you, you wanted nothing more than to be filled up by him. You tell him over and over again how you want him to fill you with his hot cum. Jungkook feels like he canât even say no in this situation, the combination of your tight, wet pussy swallowing him with you moaning how badly you want him to cum inside is too much for him. He feels his chest cave in as heâs about to release.
âIâm gonna cum baby!â His hand was still on your neck while the other was kneading your left breast. You tell him youâre about to cum too and you both moan together in synchrony. You held onto him as your orgasm washes over, your eyes grow heavy, and your breathing becomes irregular. You feel your walls being coated with Jungkookâs thick, hot cum making you all warm and fuzzy inside. He stops thrusting hard into you and resorts to super slow strokes, letting you ride out each otherâs highs and just relax.
âFuck.. that was so good,â Jungkook sighs, falling on top of you, âI wasnât expecting you to be this vocal in the bedroom.â
âReally?â You say, âyou should know what type of person I am by now.â
You lay there with Jungkookâs head on your chest, his cock was still buried in you but it felt nice. You can feel some of his cum dripping down your leg now, you were so sad that you couldnât keep every last drop of it.
âI love the way your cum feels inside me,â you close your eyes as you were about to fall asleep.
âI love that you love my cum,â he strokes your hair from the side, âwaitâ are you birth control?â
âNoâŠâ you admit.
Jungkook immediately gets off of you and starts to go into a panicky state, he wouldâve thought he had just committed an illegal crime. You sit up and stare at him confused, âwhy is that such a big deal? I donât even think I can get pregnant, my ex used to fuck me raw all the time and nothing happened!â
âItâs not just about getting pregnant y/n, you shouldâve at least told me before we fucked!â
âWell Iâm sorry..â that was all you had to say for yourself, you werenât thinking about how Jungkook felt and it was selfish of you. However, he is also to blame since he was the one who ultimately decided to finish inside you.
âFuck, we gotta get you to a CVS or something, I donât wanna take my chances.â Jungkook quickly puts on his clothes and you just stared as he kept panicking. You thought he was being over dramatic and didnât see much urgency with this whole situation.
âThe convenience store I used to work at sells plan B,â you advise nonchalantly, still sitting in bed and didnât even bother with putting your clothes back on.
âOk Iâll be right back,â he says as he dashes out the door. You wanted to feel bad about lowkey manipulating him into cumming in you but at the same time heâs a grown man whoâs much older than you and couldâve obviously pulled out if he wanted to. If anything, you took a little pride in yourself for getting him so worked up over this.
Jungkook came back fairly quick, he brought you the plan B and told you to swallow it right away. You do as youâre told only because you were tired of him acting like a whiny little bitch, this was the only time youâve ever seen him lose his composure.
âThere I swallowed it,â you stick your tongue out so you can show him itâs gone, âhappy now?â
âYes, I actually am thank you.â He says, you were a little sussed out by the way he was acting but maybe he had good reason for it. Thereâs a lot of women out there that manipulate men into getting them pregnant and a guy as affluent as him needs to be careful.
Jungkook sits back down on your bed, looking a lot more at ease now. It was past one in the morning and Jungkook asks you if he can stay the night with you. You let him since it was pretty late at night and you enjoy his company (most of the time). You get in bed together and cuddle up for a bit, you were obviously the little spoon and he held you tightly. You liked being like this with him, it made you feel closer than ever, grinning to yourself as you feel his soft touch against you.
Waking up with Jungkook felt nice. You were surprised to see him still here in the morning laying right next to you, he looked so peaceful when he sleeps. You smile at his sleeping state and just lay there with him, admiring how pretty he is. You see his eyes flutter open and he looked so cute just as heâs waking up. You wanted to give him a morning kiss but you werenât sure if he would be okay with it. Jungkook moves slightly and props his head up a little, he lets out a yawn as he stretches out. He turns around to face you now and meets you with an adoring look.
âGood morning beautiful,â he says to you, he reaches over and gives you a forehead kiss.
âHowâd you sleep?â You ask him, moving closer to him so he can cuddle with you.
âIt wasnât too bad, how was yours?â
âGood!â
Jungkook plants a kiss to your lips and gently caresses your cheek. He goes on to tell you about this new gig he got for you yesterday, you were surprised that you got another booking already.
âAs soon as I showed the creative directors your headshot they instantly wanted to book you,â he says proudly, âI knew youâd be the perfect model, I just knew it.â
âAnd Iâm all yours,â you reply to him, âother people can like me but I only want you.â You know that sounded so clingy and unlike you, but it was the truth.
âI only want you too babe,â he says as he kisses you again.
You felt so happy in this moment, you couldnât think of the last time you felt like this, itâs been a really long time though. Itâs like Jungkook came into your life when you needed him the most.
âSo what are we then?â You ask him, âare we official yet?â
âWoah slow your roll y/n, I like you a lot but donât you think this is moving way too fast?â
You frowned at his comment, you donât care if the relationship is going too fast, this was the happiest youâve been in the longest and no oneâs going to take that away from you.
âWhatâre you so scared of Jungkook?â
He doesnât answer, the room is filled with complete silence.
âUh, whereâs your bathroom? I really need to take a shower,â he sheepishly asks.
You couldnât believe thatâs all he said, he was flat out choosing to ignore the question.
âItâs down the hallway to the left.â
Jungkook springs up from the bed and gathers some of his things so he can head in the shower. You sigh as you watch him walk out, you were now left with even more questions unanswered. You lye back down on the bed and think about how you feel in this moment, you want to keep pressing him with questions about you two but you donât even think itâs worth it. You may just have to accept the fact that you fucked your modeling agent and nothing more.
The sounds of vibrating interrupts your train of thought, you look down at your phone but it wasnât yours, it was coming from somewhere else. The semi-loud clamor was starting to annoy you and you looked around to follow the noise. To your side, you see a phone on the floor buzzing around, you assume itâs Jungkookâs and you pick it up to see who was calling. As soon as you pick it up the call stopped ringing but a few moments later you see the notification pop up again.
You see someone named âSoyeonâ has been calling his phone multiple times. You know you should never answer people's calls for them but theyâve already called about twelve times. You wonder why though, maybe itâs an angry client. You let it go straight to voicemail but to your surprise a voicemail notification showed up anyway. You click it but you obviously couldnât get in since his phone was locked, you were so curious that you thought of possible passwords he could have. You try a few but none of them work, you began to grow frustrated and when you see that you only have one more try before you get locked out you get a little nervous. If you try this again and it doesnât work, heâll notice his phone is locked out. You suddenly remember the night of you and Jungkook on the balcony at that party. You vaguely remember him talking about something on his phone and you watched him unlock his phone multiple times. You were pretty intoxicated that night but you do your best to replay your memory, feeling confident about trying the password again. When you type in the seven digit code for the last time, you finally got in. You give yourself a mental pat on the back for your wonderful detective skills. You go to his voicemail box and listen to the message from Soyeon:
âJungkook it's Soyeon, answer your goddamn phone! When are you getting back to come see me and the kids, hm? We all miss you and ohâ by the way since our anniversary is coming up, I thought we could go out to dinner or maybe even our beach house but you aren't answering your phone! Well anyways, I know youâre busy with your clients so have fun on your business trip, love you so much honey, please call back soon.â
Your heart sank as you finished listening to the whole thing. You just slept with a man that has a whole wife and kids. Not only were you ashamed, you were disgusted. In him and yourself. You were in utter disbelief that he could lie to your face like this, he was pretty much living a double life. You wonder if his intentions were ever sincere to begin with now. You feel as though you could cry, putting his phone back on the floor where you found it, the tears were already slowly forming. Once again, when you feel so sure of someone this time and youâre finally becoming happy, yet again another disaster.
You now know why he acted so sketched out at times, why he was so quick to try and get you to leave that time you randomly showed up at his house. Getting full clarity on the reason he panicked so much yesterday about the plan B situation. You were officially the other woman and it didnât feel good to be in this position at all. You know you have to confront Jungkook with this but youâll have to admit that you looked through his phone first, which isnât a good look for you. Looking from an outside perspective, both of you are in the wrong, however, itâs your responsibility now to bring this all to light with him. You hear your door open now, Jungkook reappears but was now fully dressed. You looked at him so differently, wanting nothing to do with this anymore. Before you could get a word out he tells you something that might be even more shocking than the newfound information you discovered.
âSo I talked to your landlord on the phone and he says everything is fine now,â Jungkook says calmly.
âHuh? What do you mean?â
âI mean, youâre not getting evicted anymore, thereâs nothing to worry about.â
You still werenât sure what he meant, unless he found a way to pay your missing three months work of rent then you were still pretty much fucked.
You blankly stare at him, âI really donât know what you mean by that.â
âI paid all your bills off y/n.â
âYou what?!â
âI told you I would handle everything by taking care of you and I did, youâre with me now right?â
You froze a bit, unsure of what to say. You were more than happy you didnât have to stress about your money problems but now thereâs an even bigger problem to address. Heâs saying all the right things to you but you know this is wrong.
Youâve done a lot of shitty things in your life but sleeping with a married man might just take the #1 spot. You felt like a second choice, just some fun young girl he can go to when his wife pisses him off. You decide to just finally come out and say it,
âJungkook you can stop lying to me now, I already know the whole truthâŠâ
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I Want You to Stay (11) | JJK
Pairing:Â Jungkook x (f.) Reader
Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut
Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; mentions of childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, attempted assault; mention of past experience of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts, business/property devt, and book talk thatâs probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; sexual content (making out - I know, finally) (18+)
Chapter Word count:Â 23.5k
Series Masterlist
Status:Â Ongoing
Series summary: Working for Jungkook isnât the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesnât smile, he doesnât appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesnât help that heâs incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. Youâve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.
Playlist đ¶: on the way home
A/N: Hiii so this was quite the wait! We have come to the climax of the story and I'm both excited and terrified to share this with you. I have nothing more to say other than see you on the other side! đ€đ€
And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight đ„°
PS. If I canât tag you, pls fix your settings!
Whenever Jungkook creates some distance between you and him, you often understand it. Itâs his default, you think, and after learning about the pain he harbors from his childhood, youâve come to accept it. You expect it, even.Â
Recently though, he hasnât been doing much of it. He often moves closer; sometimes, he lets you do it. Tonight, itâs both - he stands near you, he holds you, and he lets you slowly close the distance until youâre just a breath away. And for a brief moment, you think that heâd eliminate it altogether.Â
But youâre not in some fantasy world, so when he pulls away, youâre reminded of who you are and who he is and that sliver of hope goes up in flames.Â
âIââ he mumbles.Â
âI should go,â you interject, turning away so as not to see any more of the rejection in his eyes. âHave a good evening, Mr. Jeon.â
You grab your bag then rush outside, exhaling the breath you were holding in and letting the shame fill you up as fast as the elevator reaches the first floor. You want to run to rid yourself of the embarrassment, maybe be irresponsible for once and get drunk just to forget. Maybe when you wake up in the morning, youâll find out it was all a dream - you didnât actually want to kiss your boss, you didnât actually think heâd kiss you back, and he didnât actually pull away, as if it stung him to touch you, as if it hurt him to try.Â
But the thought doesnât last long.
You get on a bus and convince yourself that staying sober tonight is a better option than reporting hungover to work tomorrow. Youâll feel embarrassed either way, but might as well be more professional about it, considering that what youâd almost done - and all the things you thought about - was nothing but that. You settle for just cup noodles for dinner; you donât deserve anything nicer than that tonight.Â
Sleep doesnât come until past one later in the evening. You spend much of your time tossing and turning, trying hard to erase the image of Jungkook so close to you.Â
But nothing works. All you see are his lips. All you can hear is his breathing. All you can smell is him.Â
You wake up four hours later, exhausted and incredibly anxious for the day. You want it to be over already, and you half think of calling in sick but you know thatâll be too obvious. It could set off alarm bells to Jungkook and he might call and ask how you are, and thatâs something you canât deal with either. So you power through and nap in the car, not wanting to converse with Mr. Ri because you might tell him everything should he ask the right questions.
Your plan of action is to engage with Jungkook as little as you can, in any way thatâs possible. You play around with things in his kitchen and make sure you have your back turned when he exits from his gym. The energy drink and glass of water are on the counter and you sense him lingering before he finally walks to his bedroom. You let some time pass before going to his closet to prepare his accessories for the day, then head back out, cooking his omelet as slowly as you can.
The clearing of his throat lets you know heâs done, and you glance at him before placing the dishes on the table.Â
This isnât the routine. You always fix his necktie once he shows up. Itâs reflex for you, and you know thatâs what heâs come to expect as well.Â
But you canât bring yourself to do that right now. Itâs basically like re-enacting what happened last night and you canât promise yourself that you wonât want to kiss him again when heâs that close. You canât look him in the eyes, you canât take in his scent, you canât hear his breathing without remembering how he felt like. You know you canât have it again, so you wonât even torture yourself even more than you already are.
His tie is slightly off and it disturbs you. He doesnât move but he doesnât ask you to fix it.Â
You sigh to yourself. Heâll live.Â
You eat quickly and itâs a contrast to him picking on his food. Youâre tempted to ask if the dish isnât to his liking, but you told yourself not to start conversations or engage in anything outside of work matters, and youâll stick to that for as long as possible.Â
â___.â
âMr. Jeon, Iâve prepared your notes for todayâs meetings,â you state before he could say anything more. âAnd Iâm meeting with the marketing team about the additional promotional materials you wanted. Is there anything else you wish to add to the ones we talked about?â
âNone for now. They can go ahead with my initial request,â he responds, his voice too soft than what youâre used to, but you donât dare look up and meet his eyes.
You ask a few more questions and he responds accordingly. The silence is deafening and though you miss the playful banter that has become part of your mornings, you know you canât get into that right now. Somehow, this is when you canât act like everythingâs normal. Your stupid mistake and foolish assumption is where you draw the line. You just hope the day ends quickly enough before you give in.Â
Both of you head down to the car. Before going inside, you hear Jungkook ask Mr. Ri how he looks and if his tie is fixed, and you internally smack your head for being so petty about this. You didnât think that something seemingly trivial about your daily routine with him would affect you this much, as if it somehow threw things off-balance just because you were so afraid to be close. You realize now that you would look forward to those few seconds because that was the only time you had a reason to touch him.Â
But heâs everything you canât desire and given that you almost crossed a line, you know youâre gonna have to slowly pull back. Not just with regards to your feelings but in everything, as you take a peek of your personal phone and see an email notification about an upcoming book launch from Rkive Publishing. You subscribed to their mailing list right after you met their director, and youâve been sitting on his email address and the application letter you have yet to submit.Â
Since that encounter, youâve been occasionally looking at other job opportunities in different fields. You realize that nothing much excites you. Thereâs not much you think is worth slaving your way for in this corporate jungle, and that while youâre currently part of that machine, the only thing that got you going these past eight years was the debt you had to pay.Â
You had your reasons to stay but being at this point when youâre ready to let that go, youâre realizing that there wasnât much else about the job that got you truly excited. Sure, it was also the people, but theyâre why you couldnât leave. It wasnât until the planning for the Arts Center that you felt you could truly be invested in a project and have impact on it, too; it just so happens that the man behind it is the reason why you have to step away. You know itâs the only way you could finally choose yourself and pursue what you want. At 31, you owe it to yourself to do that.Â
Your thoughts are disrupted when the familiar building comes into view, and you exit the car and head to your floor, trailing Jungkook this time instead of walking by his side as what youâve come to do. You can tell that he notices the distance but you donât want to address it. Being terrible at any form of confrontation, you donât really want to acknowledge anything that happened. Youâll deal with him if he brings it up, and for all the times that you screwed up, you wish to the heavens that Jungkook lets this one go.Â
You head to your desk while he heads to his. You make him his coffee then ask him to sign some documents. You focus on his hands as he flips through the pages, preferring to look at those instead of his face. But itâs those fingers that pressed against you last night, and you shake your head at the memory, even if all you want is to feel them again.
You retrieve the papers, your heart stopping when he doesnât let them go right away. Your eyes widen and you still donât look at him, even as you anticipate him to say something.
â___.â
âMr. Min asked to meet with you after lunch,â you cut him off again before he could say more.
âI know. That email was sent to you and me.â
âYes, sir. I was just making sure.â
He lets go of the papers now and you bow before quickly heading out. You just know he had his eyebrows scrunched at you. Heâs probably trying to make sense of how jittery you seem and though he may know why, youâre not sure if he knows why.
You get through the morning in one piece. You attend your meeting while Jungkook attends his own with his father. You grab a quick lunch with Do-hyun, whose narration of her love life takes up the whole half hour, then you return to your tasks once you finish.
Hyper-focused on the file youâre reviewing, Yoongiâs usually unenthusiastic greeting catches you off guard, causing your lips to miss the hot tea that youâre about to drink. You jerk, spilling all of it on you. You subsequently hit the saucer thatâs on the edge of the table; it falls on the floor and breaks.
âFuck!â You whisper yell, as you feel the drink pool on your skirt.
âShit, is it burning?â Yoongi asks worriedly.Â
He immediately rushes to your side and grabs some paper towels from the cabinet, placing them on your lap and on the floor.
âDonât move so you donât spread the broken pieces,â he instructs. âAre you hurt?â
âNo. Iâm just uncomfortable,â you groan, with your knees awkwardly touching each other and your thighs squeezed to keep the liquid from spreading.Â
Youâre at least in a black skirt but you know the stain will still be visible. Thatâs the least of your problems though, as Jungkook arrives from his meeting and heads to you with a folder, only to find Yoongi kneeling on the floor next to you. Jungkookâs eyes widen, seemingly scandalized at what this looks like, and they flit from you to his friend, whose calm face quickly turns into one of panic.Â
âShe spilled her tea and the saucer broke,â Yoongi explains, raising the soiled paper towels as evidence. He tells you to move back so he can place them over the shards while Jungkook looks on intently. âAre you good? Do you have spare clothes?â Yoongi asks you.
âUh, ye-yeah,â you manage to say, hating how frozen you seem to be. With the tea having been absorbed, you grab your bag from your cabinet, the one youâve started to keep and bring with you during trips in case you get stranded again, then throw the towels in the trash bin. âIâll just go get changed.â
You scurry towards the washroom and leave the men alone, knowing that Yoongi will hold the fort for both of you.Â
Back inside, Jungkook eyes Yoongi as he calls for maintenance to clean up the mess.
âShe spilled her tea and the saucer broke,â Yoongi says again. âShe couldnât move and I just cleaned up.â
âI heard you the first time,â Jungkook states.
âJust making sure, so your mind doesnât think of whatever it thinks about,â Yoongi shrugs. âBut is she okay? She seems a bit out of it.â
âI donât know,â Jungkook looks away. âDonât you usually know those things?â
âWell, I assume that since youâve gotten closer, you would know. Unless itâs about you⊠Were you mean to her again?â
Yoongiâs unusual scowl is one that Jungkook is secretly terrified of but he acts unaffected, merely shaking his head in response and to dismiss the assumption. Heâll admit that his friendâs statement is quite bittersweet, though. Yes, you and Jungkook have both gotten closer and there hasnât been an incident in months where you couldâve had a reason to be down because of him.Â
Unless last night counts, which is something heâs still wrapping his head around.Â
He thinks back to that moment right by your desk. You were so close. And he was so close to doing something more than just holding onto your waist. He saw you eye his lips and he did the same but the realization of where you both were - in a semi-open space in the office - reminded him of his limits. Sure, it was after-hours and no one would have any reason to be on the floor at that time, but it still felt too exposed and he didnât want either of you to be put in such a compromising position, even if every part of his body was aching to kiss you.Â
He wouldnât have known you were talking about him if it werenât for the way you held him close and that unfamiliar look of yearning in your eyes. At that moment, he let himself hope that heâs who you wanted, even if heâs also the same man you believed wouldnât cross his boundaries for you.
Even then, you had been so bold, so honest. He wished he was as brave and as capable to express his desires as you were. He never thought youâd feel anything for him - him, the one who made your life miserable for weeks, the one who treated you unfairly because you made him feel - and want - things he couldnât understand and control. Your calm and warm nature made him think he wasnât anyone special. He dismissed whatever part of him that thought otherwise because he couldnât hope for something he couldnât have.
But last night, the way you looked at him also made him feel like all he desired was within reach, like you were within his grasp. Your lips were everything he wanted all over him. Your soft breaths were what he wanted to take in. You were all he wanted to taste and touch and hear, and heâd been so, so close to crossing a line that he said he wouldnât because he was afraid it would push you away and thatâs the last thing he wants to do.
He was overwhelmed but he was just as scared, believing that thereâs no turning back if something had happened. He almost stepped over the line but pulled back just as quickly, and now it seems that thatâs whatâs keeping you at a distance. Because as you return to your desk, you merely bow at him then go through the folder of documents heâd given you.
âYoongi and I will just meet for an hour,â he says. âPlease be ready with the Arts Center opening event budget that Iâll go through with Hoseok later.â
âThatâs noted, sir.â
Jungkook sighs in disappointment as you donât spare him a glance. He just wants to see those eyes again, the ones that yearned for him last night, the ones that asked him - almost challenged him - to get closer. But heâd been the coward who let you go, and now he doesnât know how to turn back from this.
He enters his room then turns around to face Yoongi.
âI feel so much and I donât know what to do.â
âI know,â his friend hums, feeling relieved that Jungkook can now acknowledge something heâd known for a while now. But Yoongi also knows that itâs not that simple, and while he knows of the possibility that you feel the same, reciprocated feelings donât always mean happy endings. âJust donât⊠just donât hurt her,â he adds.
âWhy do I feel like whatever I do, itâs what Iâll end up doing anyway?â
âSheâll know when you mean it and when you donât. And you know what helps?â
âWhat?â
âLetting her know that hurting her isnât what you want to do. Youâve got a lot to say, Jungkook, I know it,â Yoongi remarks. âJust be brave enough to say them.â
Yoongiâs words linger in Jungkookâs mind for the rest of the day, especially during the times that he peeks through the window to get a glimpse of you. You seem determined not to look his way, as you donât even attempt to look at his direction all afternoon. There is a lot heâs got to say, he just doesnât know what they are or how to say them. Itâs always been that way when it comes to you - he feels so much, but he's unable to let you know.
Despite your avoidance all day, he feels your absence even more when you leave at 6PM, on the dot, without sparing him a glance. He could run after you and ask to talk. He wouldnât know how to start that conversation though, but if it would bring you to finally look at him or say his name, then it would be enough.Â
He just wants to know what last night meant for you. And if it means what he hopes it does, then maybe it isnât about turning back but moving forward. He knows it will be complicated, but he wants to figure it out with you. Heâll choose the path where he gets to be around you, close to you. Always.
Jungkook pulls out the bottle of whiskey he keeps in his drawer to momentarily drown out these thoughts. For some, liquor gives them courage. For him, he drinks it because heâs afraid to be brave.
As he replays the way you looked at him last night, he wonders to himself what heâs more scared of - never having you close enough, or losing you completely.Â
The three films you watch in the cinema that Saturday afternoon are a good distraction to all the thoughts in your head. You occasionally do this because watching other peopleâs lives play out in film gives you something to ponder about. Sometimes, you let it inspire you to live differently. Other times, it allows you a peek into a life much more exciting than the one you have. In some instances, it gives you a sense of relief that yours is uneventful, lacking in drama and intrigue.
At this moment, youâre not quite sure what you want out of it other than to forget. What exactly, youâre not sure. Is it the way you felt when Jungkook held you? Is it the way he seemed to want more and then nothing at all? Or is it the hope you had that youâd found someone you were willing to give a bit of yourself to, only for the glass to shatter because thatâs not what you do - you donât desire for things not meant for you; you donât open yourself to heartbreak like that.Â
Jungkook has always made you feel a lot of things. This time is no different. But this time it also means more. You could lose him completely or have something with him that could be beautiful. One would hurt right away and the other could hurt you down the road. You donât know which one youâre willing to suffer through.Â
Suddenly you wish you didnât get to this point at all. You couldâve left when you had the chance. You couldâve let him not mean to you this much.Â
You continue to wallow in the sadness. You eat dinner at a ramen place before going home and settling in bed with your best friends on video call. You tell them about the past two days and narrate your moments with Jungkook during the team building that you left out when you spoke to them about it. Looking at them through the screen, you see a mix of understanding and frustration on their faces.Â
âWhy are you avoiding him, hun?â Soomin asks, her eyes soft and comforting.
âBecause Iâm so embarrassed,â you groan, burying your face on the pillow. âI was so⊠shameless. I donât even know what got into me. He just looked at me and I⊠lost all sense. Who was I to assume that moment would end well? That heâd reciprocate that honesty?â
âAnd you think not talking about it will rid you of that embarrassment?â She wonders.
âNo. But itâs at least better than facing it,â you frown. âIâm not good with words nor feelings. And Iâm sure that neither is he. Iâm just trying to be professional now because I obviously wasnât.â
You leave out your fears about meeting his eyes and hearing what he has to say. Even if he returns whatever you feel, thereâs so much burden tied to that and you donât think youâre ready for it. You donât think youâre ready for any of this.
âIt doesnât seem sustainable though,â Soomin points out. âYouâre together all the time. Youâve created a routine and a dynamic that youâve gotten so used to. It takes more effort to avoid the whole thing, donât you think?â
âI guess but⊠weâre all busy with the Arts Center opening. And I plan on tending my resignation right after,â you explain. âThereâs no time to talk about feelings. Iâll just let it die down. Itâs stupid to have them in the first place.âÂ
The prolonged silence prompts you to turn towards her. âYou donât agree with me, do you?â
âI just donât think itâs stupid to be feeling what youâre feeling,â Soomin replies. âYou spend so much time together. Youâre bound to form some attachment and develop affection for him, regardless of how things started. I mean, through all the late-nights and early mornings and stresses and comfort in between, thereâs something only two of you share and understand. Thatâs not stupid. Thatâs how connections are formed, hun.â
Attachment. Connection. They terrify you but theyâre things that you desire as well. You donât know how deep they are when it comes to Jungkook and you donât know if theyâre something he feels towards you, too.
âMaybe youâre just trying to convince yourself that it isnât that serious,â she adds. âMaybe itâs because you know that it is, and you donât know if itâs worth pursuing, if itâs worth finding out if he returns it and if being with him is something that can happen.â
You look away, knowing the truth in her words. You turn to Jimin, whoâs been unusually quiet all evening.
âWhat do you think Jimin?â You ask him. âI mean, itâs one thing to feel something and another to act on it and risk everything for it, right?â
âThereâs always something you risk once you acknowledge what you feel for another person,â he says after pondering about it. âFor me, acting on it just depends on two things. Is it good for me, and is it good for them? In your case, itâs something to really think about. Youâre you and heâs him. And you know what I mean. Youâve been wanting to walk away from this company for years, ___. You wanna be something outside of it. How does being with your boss help with that?â
Jiminâs words remind you of something else youâve been yearning for - that search for who you are outside of your work, outside of all the years you spent working for this family that have become a core part of who you are. For people like you who have to work extra hard for the things you have, it becomes natural for your job to define you as a means of survival. It doesnât give you power nor influence; it just gives you a means to get to the next day and to give back to the one person who sacrificed everything for you.Â
As the years went by, it became more difficult to pull away. This family trusts you, and your confidence has only ever increased as an employee of this company, but not as a professional. Youâve been wanting to learn who you are without the burdens you carry, without the need to constantly prove yourself to the people who helped make you, and Jungkook ties you to all this. Whether itâs pursuing him or working for him, youâre afraid youâll never be brave enough to do things on your own.
You werenât supposed to be this attached. You werenât supposed to be this invested. You werenât supposed to want to be wanted back.Â
But Jungkook made you care. He made you feel. He made you be brave. And heâs now the one you have to pull away from.
âYouâre right,â you sigh. âMaybe in a way, I needed this to happen. I needed this⊠moment to remind me that I have to leave and I canât let him be another reason for me to stay, not when I feel what I feel, and not when I donât know if he feels the same way.â
âWhat if he does, though?â Soomin asks. âAnd what if he asks you to stay?â
âThinking about it now, I hope he doesnât,â you say. âItâd be much easier for me if he just lets me go. I can finally walk away from all this. And I can get over what I feel.â
âIs that what you really want?â Soomin adds.
You nod in response. âAt least I know Iâll be happy outside of working for the company. Who knows what having him in my life would bring me?â
The book cafe in Mapo district boasts of an elegant yet comfortable design. It has three levels that consist of a library and working spaces, but itâs on the first floor that you find yourself in, tucked in one of the corner tables at the back with your iced coffee and fruit tart.Â
You listen in awe as the author reads excerpts from her newly released book, which she narrates with vigor and emotion. She answers questions about her purpose for writing this specific story, the inspiration for the characters, and interesting things like who sheâd cast if it were to become a movie and what the playlist would sound like. Itâs the first book launch youâve ever been to, and despite not being an avid reader, you have a feeling that it wonât be your last.Â
Thereâs something about the storytelling and the process of creating something that captivates you. Thereâs not much of that in your world. Itâs all numbers and profits. Itâs soulless, if youâre being honest. It doesnât give you time to feel or live in the moment or actually bask in the work that you do. Youâre there to support, to assist, and while that used to be something you were proud of, the past year has made you think that itâs truly time to move on from it. Itâs made you desensitized to things like joy and hope and love, which prompts you to realize that those are what have been missing. Working on the Arts Center gave you a taste of it. Youâve come to the point where you want to know how those truly feel like, and the job has hindered you from fully finding it out.
All your emotions for Jungkook take a backseat the more you think about what your life could be, especially while you watch Namjoon gather what seems to be his team, as he congratulates them for a successful launch. Theyâre all in casual clothes, looking relaxed, relieved, and fulfilled as the event comes to a close and several people approach the author and ask her to sign their books. You can imagine the stress leading up to all this, but thereâs satisfaction in putting together something this intimate and meaningful.Â
âYou made it,â the man with the soft smile says, the child-like innocence of his face, a contrast to his very masculine build. âIâm glad those newsletters and email invites work.â
âI think theyâre the only ones I actually read,â you say, earning you a brighter smile from him. âBut honestly though, it helps that a book cafe is something I wouldnât mind being in on a Sunday morning.â
âExactly!â Namjoon beams. âItâs easy to make it a part of your weekend. Whether it translates to immediate sales isnât the whole point, although thatâs great, donât get me wrong. But as long as thereâs foot traffic and increased interest, then itâs a success. Our launches have been gaining traction on social media. And theâshit, sorry. Iâm rambling again,â he chuckles. âI doubt you came here with the intention of listening to me talk about what we do and stuff.â
âOh, I donât mind at all,â you assure him. âI donât actually go to things like this but I thought it might be a good way to have a feel of what itâs like working for your company without inconveniencing you. I mean, I havenât applied yet but I just wanted to see if this is something Iâd enjoy doing.â
âAnd?â He asks in anticipation.
âIt kind of is,â you admit. âI donât know. Thereâs just something so personal about it.â
âThere really is,â Namjoon nods.
His face turns serious now, something that happens when heâs about to go on a speech about whatever it is he feels strongly about. Heâs expressive and itâs quite captivating, which is refreshing in a colleague, you realize.Â
Sitting across from you in your little nook in the cafe, he talks about the journey of this whole process, how he reached out to the author who turned out was trying to contact him as well. He was hoping to publish one of her manuscripts that was shared to him by a friend, but she offered this one instead, a very personal story that she trusted his company would do justice.Â
âI sat the whole team down and told them what this means for her as an author and as a person, and what that in turn could mean to the readers,â he continues. âThereâs so much responsibility but the return is worth more than you could imagine. Of course, itâs not always easy. We have a relatively small team for the amount of things that we have to do but it works. Communication is smooth, accountability is shared, and we build our trust and respect in each other that way. I think that makes it even more worth it in the end.â
âYouâre really trying to lure me in, arenât you?â You laugh.
âPretty much,â he chuckles. âI just think our meetings are serendipitous. There were two people who were supposed to take on the role but they backed out last minute - on both cases, I see you the next day. The universe probably has plans.â
âIt probably does,â you nod, slowly believing him. âThe only reason why I havenât applied yet is because this is all so new to me and I may not be what youâre looking for.â
âBut it could be that weâre what youâre looking for,â he counters. âEven if the industry is new to you, if itâs a place youâre comfortable in and that you think will help you grow professionally, then you become what we need. Itâs give and take, really. Your approach to the work impacts how you do it. Yes, itâs still a job but it also means a lot more.â
âYouâre very good at this,â you say, feeling more at ease as you speak with him, a stranger who has no idea what youâre going through but is somehow saying the exact things you need to hear. âI just have a timeline Iâm working around. My company has an important thing coming up in several weeks and I donât want to leave before then. Itâs also why Iâve been delaying applying.â
âHey, if we see that weâre a good fit for each other, then we can work around your timeline,â he says. âTo help with that, maybe we can chat more casually to relieve you of the pressure. I have some things to return to the office not far from here and you can tell me a bit about the work that you do. What do you think?â
Itâs a suggestion you take up, so you both start walking a few streets down to a mid-rise building, a structure that sits amidst cozy cafes and small parks.Â
The Rkive Publishing office is spacious. Instead of solo desks, there are large tables so there are more opportunities for collaborations, but there are small meeting rooms and private spaces as well. There are floor-to-ceiling windows, shelves that are lined with hundreds of books, and quirky art pieces that give the place a unique yet personal touch. Itâs leagues different from what youâre used to, and as you appreciate the way the sunlight makes the whole place glow, you start to think that Namjoon may be right - this might just be what youâre looking for.Â
You disclose who you work for then tell him your functions, narrate how a usual day looks like, and mention the types of people you usually engage with. But you share how youâve felt lost in the chaos of everything and that youâve been trying to find purpose in it but have been unable to.Â
Namjoon purses his lips, attempting to hide a smile, but you call him out on it.
âIâm just trying not to get too excited,â he reasons, giving in and chuckling now. âWe need organization, a sense of urgency, a kind of professionalism that someone of your caliber could bring. I donât want to get my hopes up and yes, thereâs a process, but I hope you give us a chance.â
Itâs easy to think that this man has no idea what heâs saying, but heâs been talking about going with his gut feeling all morning - heâs said as much that following his heart and doing what feels right for him allowed him to turn the company into what it is right now. Maybe meeting the first time was just a coincidence, but the pull of the universe - of you to this environment and him to you - is just too strong that you canât help but think that maybe this is the next step for you. For all the challenges you went through all these years, maybe you deserve something a little more smooth sailing this time.Â
You donât make any promises but you do assure him that youâll send him an email. There are obviously other pressing matters that you have to deal with but this has been a good distraction, one that you allow to preoccupy you for the rest of the day.Â
After saying goodbye, you walk around the neighborhood and spend the afternoon by the river where you wonder about the people surrounding you.Â
What dilemmas are they facing? What heartbreaks are they trying to move on from? What new adventure are they preparing for? Or maybe, who are they trying to forget? Whoâs waiting at home for them? Are they watching the sunset because they know itâs beautiful or because theyâve forgotten that it is?Â
You let out a breath once the sun has dipped and the sky has turned a dark shade of blue. You feel a mix of awe at its beauty and disappointment because the day has come to an end. You once more have to face the person youâve been trying not to think about all weekend.
Giving yourself a pep talk, you go to bed that night with the plan of continuing what you did last Friday, which is avoiding any moments and any chances of talking about what happened. If Jungkook brings it up, then youâll just have to face it and ask him to forget about that night and then deal with the consequences after. But thereâs no way that youâll say anything first; youâll ride this out for as long as you can.
Avoiding talking to Jungkook about non-work matters - which is really what you only intended to do - is much more difficult when you have to pretend you donât care about him.Â
That Monday morning, you stop yourself from asking how heâs doing after spotting the empty whiskey bottle and beer cans in his kitchen bin. While you give him the usual hangover remedy, you stop short of suggesting that he get some rest or buying him his favorite lunch dish.Â
During the meeting that you accompany him to in the afternoon, you watch him helplessly as his father hounds him with questions about the other projects, adding even more pressure than what heâs currently under, and you look away when he tries to meet your eyes. You used to send him encouragement through your gentle nods and soft smiles but youâre scared youâll fall into your feelings once again if you do them, knowing that any sign of him needing you is all it would take for you to give in and talk to him, maybe comfort him.Â
Youâve become so weak for him, you realize that now. His detachment used to put you off and frustrate you, but knowing him the way you do, itâs what makes you want to be there for him; itâs what makes you want to assure him that youâre just there.Â
But you arenât, because youâre pushing him away. Youâre making him go through his confusion and stress and exhaustion all on his own because youâre a coward, too. Youâre scared of your own feelings. Youâre scared of them being rejected and youâre scared of them being returned. You didnât realize just how much you are because you never actually felt something this deeply for anyone, and that terrifies you even more.Â
Watching him from your desk as he pores through documents on his laptop is hard, too. Youâre done for the day but heâs said earlier that heâll be staying late to finish a few things because there are many distractions at his place. You want to tell him they can wait, that heâll need to rest and regain his energy for the week ahead, or that some fresh air could help clear his mind.Â
But you donât. Instead, you pack your things and head out, knowing that much as itâs your decision to force this distance between both of you, itâs still something you wish you didnât have to do. You donât know how long you can sustain it, but somehow you know that once he gives in, so will you, and so all this might as well just be useless or even worse for you.Â
Mr. Ri picks up on the change the next morning, as he asks if you and Jungkook had an argument on the way to his penthouse.Â
âThere was no argument, â you answer. âThereâs just a lot on my mind and heâs a big part of that. I just⊠I just don't know how to deal with things, you know?â
âThings like what?â Mr. Ri asks.Â
âFeelings,â you sigh. âI mean, you said they canât be helped. And youâre right, I canât. Thatâs my big problem right now.â
âOh, ___,â he says, softly smiling through the rear view mirror.Â
You can tell heâs trying to comfort you, something heâs told you before heâs unsure how to do. You brush him off, saying youâll figure it out, and he assures you that you could talk to him and that maybe, you need to just let it out to someone who knows what youâre battling against. You express your appreciation then inhale deeply once you arrive at Jungkookâs building.Â
The clanking sound of plates surprises you when you enter the penthouse. You walk cautiously towards the kitchen and find Jungkook already dressed in his work attire, placing the basket of toasted bread in the middle of the dining table where you spot the two plates with eggs in each. You wonder if youâre late, given that heâd gone ahead and made breakfast for both of you already.Â
âYouâre on time,â he says after seeing you check your watch. âI was just up early. I couldnât really sleep. I think I have too much on my mind.â
âI still could have made this for you,â you say so softly, Jungkook almost misses it.
âI didnât mind,â he answers, wanting to say more, like that he thought it would be nice to make something for you for a change, or that he hopes you could see the effort.
But he keeps them to himself, just like the many other things that he doesnât feel ready to verbalize. He hasnât stopped thinking about you since Thursday night, and he thinks that the distance youâre creating has made his desire even stronger, but so has the fear.Â
He spent the weekend downing alcohol and then boxing for hours to get rid of the hangover. The lemon ginger tea he made didnât really work. He placed the bandage on his beat-up knuckles incorrectly, not like how perfectly youâd done it once. And the chicken noodle soup he ordered when he wasnât feeling well last night didnât taste as good as yours.Â
His mornings arenât the same without the briefest touch from you from fixing his tie, or from the casual conversations during breakfast or in the car. Thereâs not much of your voice or your laughter that he hears, and definitely none of your smile that always encouraged him, that always assured him. This continues for the rest of the day, as he barely feels your presence unless he asks for it. And even then, it almost feels like youâre not there at all.Â
He feels so lost without you, unable to focus and function properly without your guidance and your care. He doesnât know how or when heâs allowed himself to need you this much but it all feels so new yet familiar. All he wants is to be near you again but he admits that seeing you consistently pull away hurts him more than anything.Â
Itâs why that Wednesday, he settles for only minimal glances at you in the car, why he conducts his morning meeting in a cafe instead, why he has the blinds on in his room all afternoon, and why he stays to work late and informs you that heâll go straight to the Arts Center the next day so heâll just meet you in the office.
He does all those so heâs forced to be around you less, so he doesnât look up from his desk to find out that you donât look his way anymore, so that itâs less difficult when you donât do your usual routine with him. He at least wonât feel as bad when you donât ask how heâs feeling if you donât see him look terrible in the morning after not being able to sleep, or when you donât fix his necktie for the fifth time this past week if heâs not around you in the first place.Â
Youâve been going out of your way to avoid him and if he had a bit more courage, heâd probably be able to ask what Thursday night was about and if youâd really wanted to kiss him like he did.Â
But heâs afraid of two things - that youâd ask him to forget all of it, or that youâd both have to figure out how to move forward if the feelings are indeed mutual. There are so many things that could go wrong but just as many that could go right - heâs scared to hurt you either way. And like heâs always said, he doesnât know how to handle all of this; he doesnât know how to talk about what he feels.
Thursday morning comes and while youâre relieved that you donât have to tiptoe around Jungkook again in his own apartment and feel suffocated by the tension, you wonât lie and say that you deeply felt his absence. You also wonât deny that seeing him walk towards his office without sparing you a glance hurt you a little. You know him enough that heâs probably giving you the space that youâve insisted on, but still, a part of you wonders if heâs just accepted it, too.Â
And when you hand him his notes for his late afternoon meeting then when he leaves for the CEOâs office without a look of acknowledgment, you worry that heâs become impatient, that heâll keep pulling away for as long as you are, and that youâll be so far apart that youâll start to wonder if youâd come close to him at all.Â
But you did this, you remind yourself. Youâd been the one to get close, to expect, and then to detach because you were so afraid of what would happen next, and what that would mean for you. Heâs probably the last thread youâre holding onto, connecting you to this world that youâve been planning on leaving for so long. Maybe youâre also scared that if he asked you to stay, you would, and the last thing you want is for him to be the reason why you canât let go, and then resent him for it.Â
You sigh in your seat as the various thoughts plague your mind. You decide to go to the pantry for a cup of tea, knowing you have some time before Jungkookâs meeting with his father is scheduled to end.Â
The support teamâs office is unnervingly quiet at 7PM with only Mr. Ri around, shaking his leg against the chair while browsing on his desktop. He greets you when you enter and then joins you to make his cup of coffee - his fourth for the day, he says - before you both head out the pantry and sit by the meeting table.Â
There arenât any words said as you both blow away the steam from your respective hot drinks, merely letting the tranquility of the evening envelop the two of you. A few minutes pass and Mr. Ri finally looks up and asks why youâre still here, to which you reply that you wanted to be around when Jungkookâs meeting finishes in case he needs you to do something.
âThereâs no need to drop me home,â you tell him. âI can manage on my own.â
âYou know Jungkook wonât like that,â Mr. Ri responds. âHe has strict instructions to drive for you whenever you stay out late. I canât and wonât disobey those orders.â
You know this, which is why you sit in silence with your hands on your lap as if youâre being scolded, and you nod.Â
âOkay,â you say softly. Â
âHeâs worried, you know?â Mr. Ri says after a while. âHeâs been asking me how youâre doing, as if youâre not at the point in your relationship where he can directly talk to you. But Iâve actually been worried about him this past week. He stays up late to work, then goes home to work out. Heâs not himself lately, always out of it and just⊠sad.â
âDid he⊠did he say anything else? About us, specifically?â
âHe didnât tell me if anything happened but Iâm guessing something did, something serious enough that youâd avoid him for days and personal enough that he wonât confront you about it.â
Your face falls, guilt painting it, something Mr. Ri picks up.
âItâs about your feelings, isnât it?â He asks. âYou like him and you can no longer deny it.â
You nod in confirmation, unable to verbalize the words that your heart has been screaming for weeks.Â
âIs it so hard to admit? Is it so hard to talk about?â The older man asks. âI mean, he doesnât tell me anything but Iâve known that man his whole life, ___. Iâll bet a lot and say that he feels the same way about you. Why are you both putting all your effort into avoiding each other instead of talking it out?â
âBecause you know us, Mr. Ri. Weâre the worst at these things,â you shake your head, choosing to disregard his statement that Jungkook may be reciprocating the feelings, knowing youâre not ready to think about it. âAnd you know this, too. Itâs not just about what I feel. Itâs about who he is and who I am and what those imply. Itâs this complicated situation that I wouldnât even be in if I just⊠if I was just strong enough to leave the first time. Or the second time.â
âHey, you know it wasnât about that,â he says. âYou were always strong. You held on even when things were difficultââ
âYeah, I just held on and now Iâm here, caught in between liking my boss and wanting to stay away from him, from his family,â you groan in frustration.Â
But you utter the thoughts that you only rarely entertain, only because theyâre what held you back all those years ago.
âAm I being selfish, for wanting to leave after everything?â You ask. âTheyâve been so good to me. And now that I crossed the line and fell for their son, I want to let everything go.â
âIs that really why you want to resign? Because you like Jungkook?â
âNo⊠it isnât just about that,â you sigh. âOr it is. A big part of it, but also not. I⊠you know Iâve been thinking about this since the whole thing with Mrs. Byun happened, and that was six years ago. But then CEO Jeon asked me to help Hoseok and I stayed. And it was even more important for him that I be there for Jungkook. And I am but now what? How can I continue knowing that I like him? And how can I find myself and learn who I am outside of this when Iâm here, when this is all Iâve ever known and all Iâve ever given myself to? Theyâll always be good to me. I feel selfish by staying, but I also feel that way if I leave.â
âNone of that makes you selfish, ___. You always had a reason to leave and you could have, but there was also always gonna be a reason for you to stay,â he says. âBut they were their reasons, not yours. Whether you stay despite what you feel for Jungkook or leave to find yourself and seek the happiness you deserve, youâre not being selfish.â
You look at the man whom youâve known for years and he sees in your eyes a woman whoâs just asking for any kind of comfort, of any kind of assurance because no else is around to do that.
âWe do what we can at every moment, and we can live with our choices if we know theyâre the best one we can make at that time,â he continues. âWhatever it is you decide to do, I hope you do it for you. Youâre the only person you have to look out for.â
Right outside the door, Jungkook remains unmoving as he processes everything heâd heard, while you continue to talk inside, completely oblivious to how youâve rendered him paralyzed.Â
Jungkookâs meeting with his father ended much sooner than he expected. They merely discussed some happenings with the Board and the lunch that theyâll be hosting on Saturday to welcome some of their familyâs long-time friends who are flying in from Europe.Â
He headed to the support office immediately to tell Mr. Ri that he plans to go home soon but hadnât known you were there as well. But then again, you and their trusted aide - whoâs been his fatherâs chauffeur, bodyguard, and personal assistant for decades - spend a lot of time together, so it didnât feel off to Jungkook that youâd both be talking. Heâs asked the older man to look out for you, too, especially with regards to things that he feels isnât really his place.Â
Jungkook didnât hear much at first, initially deciding to just walk back to his office and call, but once he heard Mr. Ri asking you about resigning, he stopped in his tracks. He felt foolish to be listening in on a conversation heâs not a part of, especially since itâs also because of him.
It shouldâve delighted him to hear you say that you like him. Jungkook couldâve only dreamt up that reality and it still feels surreal. You didnât have a reason to lie and the fact that he isnât the only one seemingly overwhelmed by his own feelings should be a good thing.Â
But that also seems to be your reason for wanting to leave, and the thought breaks his heart in ways he canât explain. Youâve apparently been planning on leaving for years but never got around to do so. If you stayed when his father asked you to, would you do the same if he asked? And he believes that up until last week, your relationship had become the most comfortable itâs ever been. You seem happy here, but why did it also seem like you just wanted to get away?Â
The thoughts make his head hurt, and while a part of him wishes he hadnât heard anything, he at least knows you plan on leaving. And thatâs something he absolutely cannot bear.
The sounds of the chairs being fixed disrupt his thoughts. When he hears Mr. Ri suggest that you should start packing up, Jungkook quietly walks back to his office and nonchalantly calls the older man to inform him that he plans on staying up late and that he should drop you home already. If Mr. Ri notices the odd tone of his voice, he doesnât say anything. He merely expresses his confirmation and not long after, Jungkook hears some shuffling outside his closed door.
âIs there anything you need from me before I leave, Mr. Jeon?â You call out, the walls in between both of you feeling higher and thicker than ever before.
He knows that you know that he no longer asks you to do anything at this hour, and he comforts himself by thinking that itâs your way of letting him know that youâre still there. But the thought is short-lived, as he once again plays the conversation heâd overheard in his mind.
âThereâs none,â he says pointedly. âYou may leave.â
It takes a while but he eventually hears you walk out. Jungkook feels himself breathe for the first time in the last 15 minutes, before he feels suffocated once again.Â
Maybe pulling away last week when heâd been so close gave you the idea that he didnât want you at all, and maybe that had affected you more than he expected. Maybe him, creating more distance that youâd initiated, made you think that thatâs what he wanted after all that. Perhaps his being a coward in facing his own feelings had pushed you away, too, and if youâre scared of what you feel for him, maybe letting you know that he feels the same way is what will make you stay. He could be the happiness youâre searching for, Jungkook convinces himself. He could be what you want and need.
And he already knows that youâre all that for him. Whatever rules he created for himself and the limits he imposed are all pointless if he doesnât have you around at the end of it. If his life after all this doesnât have you in it, thereâs no happiness for him. A new job for you could take you anywhere, maybe far away from where he is; it could lead you to someone, someone who isnât him.
He hates that an overheard conversation about you resigning is what will take for him to finally be honest about what he feels for you. And that potentially losing you by his side is the push he needs to let you know that he wants you, that he wants everything with you, and that he hopes you want the same.Â
Itâs 9:30 PM by the time he enters the car, his head hazy from the two glasses of whiskey he had. Mr. Ri calls him out on another night of him drinking in the office and orders him to get straight to bed like heâd done a few times before when Jungkook had been too stressed and too stubborn to rest. He merely nods though but he follows through, skipping dinner then mindlessly taking a shower before falling asleep in bed after finishing a bottle of beer.
The ringing of the alarm causes Jungkook to grunt and turn off his phone for the peace and quiet that he needs, given the throbbing of his head. But in the silence, he hears the soft knocks on his door, so consistent that he decides to just open it and ask the person on the other side to stop.
But of course, itâs you, and the way you quickly turn your head away reminds him that heâs got nothing but his sweatpants on and heâs too sleepy for anything else to register.
âItâs 7AM, Mr. Jeon. You have an executive meeting at 8,â you tell him, voice so soft and so far away.Â
âFuck,â he groans, rubbing his temples to massage the pain away. âIâll just take a shower. Donât make breakfast anymore. We leave in 20 minutes.â
âNoted, sir,â you say, then walk back towards the kitchen.
Itâs 15 minutes later when his bedroom door opens and he nervously walks over to you. Unable to still remove the image of his half-naked form in your mind, you focus your gaze elsewhere, but he forces it on him when he asks you to fix his necktie, the first time heâd ever done so.
âI was rushing,â he explains.Â
You nod and head to him, hating how your hands slightly shake at feeling so close to him again. You can feel his breath as you watch the rise and fall of his chest. He probably feels as anxious as you, perhaps no longer used to this routine after you stopped it days ago. But you manage without sparing him a glance, keeping your distance and your eyes focused on anything else but him from the walk down to the car and throughout the ride to work.Â
Itâs difficult for you to look at him, not only because youâre ashamed but because youâre afraid of what youâll see. Maybe his eyes will tell of his acceptance of this new dynamic. Maybe theyâll reflect anger and frustration at how youâve disrupted his routine. Or maybe theyâll show sadness - which is what youâre most terrified of - because thatâs your weakness. Any time he looks like he needs comfort or he needs you, you know youâd give in, you know youâd want to be there even if youâve spent the past week staying as far away as possible.Â
You know you donât have much time left here. The Arts Center opens over a month from now and youâve decided to tender your resignation soon after. You know you should be savoring whatever moments you have with him and perhaps thatâs what saddens you the most because you donât know what will come after.Â
Your happiness isnât here, and staying to find out if itâs with him isnât worth it, not when thereâs baggage you carry; not when your own past and insecurities weigh you down.
Arriving in the office, you rush to your desk then walk to his room to give him the notes he needs for the meeting. You turn towards him slowly when he calls you, your name in his voice suddenly sounding foreign.
âCan you prepare me lemon ginger tea? Please?âÂ
His voice is soft, as if he feels burdensome for making such a request. You want to give in so badly and ask how heâs feeling. But you stop yourself. Itâs not the place nor time.
You accompany his tea with pastries, your own request for him to have breakfast, and you get your own, in response to him instructing you to do so. You see from your periphery that heâs trying to catch your attention as the meeting starts, but with this, you hold back. You donât want to see what you now know would be sadness in his eyes.
Jungkook has entered the deepest nook of your heart, you realize. You donât know how you let him get there, and you donât know how to push him out.Â
âAnother night of drinking, huh?â Hoseokâs unusually somber voice disrupts Jungkookâs thoughts as he zones out during lunch. âThe Arts Center getting you that stressed and anxious?â
Jungkook looks at his cousin questioningly.
âI know how you look when youâre tired and this isnât it,â Hoseok responds. âYouâre hungover.â
âIâm fine,â Jungkook huffs, not wanting to get into this with a man who would know when heâs lying.
âYou should be, Kook. Thereâs a lot going on these next few weeks and we need you at your best. Your team has worked so hard for the Arts Center,â Hoseok reminds him. âSo trust them. And donât let them down.â
As always, his words hit Jungkook where they should. Whateverâs going on in his personal life - even if it involves you, his assistant - he has to be professional first, and that means making sure that everything is ready for the launch in six weeks. Thereâs a lot he has to meet and prepare for, and he doesnât know how youâre able to do it. You may be distancing yourself from him but youâre still able to focus and carry out your tasks accordingly. Youâll be fine without him, he thinks. But if youâll go on thinking that he doesnât feel the same way about you, he knows heâll regret it. He knows heâll regret it even more if he doesnât ask you to stay.Â
âYou donât have to worry about me,â Jungkook assures his cousin. âIâve been out of it but Iâll get my shit together.â
âGood. I donât have to remind you that thereâs a lot riding on this. But ___ is there to help. Iâm here, too. Youâve got people who believe in you, okay?â Hoseok smiles, a slice of comfort that Jungkook didnât know he needed. âItâs gonna be okay.â
Jungkook nods and heads back to his office after a full morning has passed, tricking himself into thinking that things will indeed be okay. He just needs to find the courage to face you, finally talk to you, ask you about that night, and tell you what he feels.
But even getting you alone proves to be difficult, as you have your own lunch plans that he didnât want to interfere with, and your own deadlines that he set that he knows youâll make sure to meet.
Jungkook gets caught up in the afternoon in another meeting with some of the Board members who came to visit. Biting his lip in frustration, he manages to not lose his mind as he sits through it, merely hoping to the heavens that you havenât left yet despite the late hour.Â
He speed walks down the hallway once he gets to his floor and almost panics when he sees your work space empty. But he spots your unfinished cup of coffee and he knows you wonât leave without cleaning up. He briefly sighs in relief when he hears shuffling from inside his room, walking closer to find you standing by his desk, with your back facing the door. You place a folder on his tray for signatures and a bound manual for review, then turn around and jerk in surprise when you see him standing there.
âI didnât know your meeting had ended, sir,â you say, the formality grating his ears. All he wants is to hear you speak to him casually again, for you to call him by his name once more.
âIt just did,â he hums. âI didnât know if you were still here. I wanted to see you before you could leave.â
His words catch you off-guard but you try to look unaffected.Â
âIs there anything else you need me to do, sir?â You ask, knowing that heâs past giving you work at this hour on a Friday, but youâre too nervous to think of what else he needs you for.
âNo. IâŠâ he stutters. âYou, uh, youâve been avoiding me,â he manages to say, his eyes pleading for you to look at him.Â
But still, you donât.
âIâm with you everyday, Mr. Jeon,â you insist, your tone cold. âI canât possibly be avoiding you.â
âYou havenât looked at me all week.â
As if in reflex, you glance at him, then shift your eyes on the couch to your left.
âThat doesnât count,â he says, his voice oozing in desperation for you to just spare him some time, something youâve never heard before.
So you give in, as you slowly meet his eyes, and youâre reminded why you didnât want to do it in the first place. Theyâre so sullen. Tired, it seems, but just lacking in light. They were always so expressive, even when theyâre angry, and even more when theyâre sad.Â
âI justâŠâ you start, knowing that with all thatâs happened and with all the stress and pressure he has to endure, you canât be another one in his list to have to try to figure out. You at least owe it to him to be honest.
You look at the door, suddenly conscious of who might wander in your area, and Jungkook takes your cue, closing it once you nod.Â
âSo, why have you been avoiding me?â He asks again, his voice gaining a bit of life now that youâve given him a chance to talk.
âI was just ashamed,â you admit, looking away as the scene from last week plays in your mind again. âI said things I shouldnât have and they made you uncomfortable andââ
âHow do you know that?â He interjects.
âBecause you pulled away!â You say too loudly, lowering your head in embarrassment at the clear frustration youâre expressing. âI thought you wanted to⊠uhâŠâ
âKiss you,â he finishes, earning him the slightest of nods from you.Â
âBut you didnât and I just felt so embarrassed,â you say, your lips quivering now at how much youâre saying, at how much youâre baring yourself to him, unsure if heâll do the same. âThat was completely out of line.â
âYou werenât wrong though,â he almost whispers as he slowly walks towards you. âAbout what I wanted to do. You seemed to want that, too, but we were out there and I⊠I was scared that if Iâd done anything you werenât ready for, then Iâd push you away. I still did anyway. Because youâve spent the entire week avoiding me, talking to me formally, not fixing my tieâŠâ
You stop the giggle that you almost let out, but you canât help your tiny smile as he whines about what youâve been purposely doing.Â
âI just didnât know what to say. I didnât know how to face you after that,â you explain, knowing thereâs so much more to say but that youâll start with this. âBut you avoided me, too,â you suddenly pout.Â
âWhat did you expect me to do?â He exclaims. âYou did it first! You know Iâm not good with these things.â
âNeither am I.â
Jungkook controls himself from kissing the frown off your face and instead, he walks closer. He gets to appreciate you now as he shamelessly eyes your form, the pastel-colored long sleeved blouse tucked inside your white skirt making his heart race.Â
He spots your shy smile as you try to turn away, and he steps closer, wanting to see more.Â
âYou still arenât gonna look at me?â He asks, the soft desperation in his voice prompting you to be bold again.
âI canât. I might lose my mind,â you admit, groaning right after at your own honesty.Â
âIâd quite like that,â he hums. âI⊠I was actually losing my mind all week. It didnât feel right to have you feel so far away. I wanted to fix things but I didnât know how.â
âThat makes both of us,â you sigh, allowing yourself to finally gaze at him in his black suit, the classic look taking your breath away every time. âBut I guess itâs the same with me. I didnât know how badly I wanted you close until you werenât anymore.â
You hesitatingly reach out your hand, an attempt to let him know that close is what you want him to be, but also to see for yourself if this is real, if he really is just breaths away from you, and if he could be even closer.
âIâm not pulling away this time,â he assures you, his boyish smile sending your mind in a frenzy.
Your fingers graze his chest, the way it quickly rises and falls telling you that his heart is probably racing as fast as yours. You fiddle with the neck of his tie before pulling it to bring him closer. He follows your lead, stepping forward and meeting your eyes, seeming like he doesnât want his off of you.Â
âSo uh, are you losing your mind now?â He whispers teasingly.Â
The way he utters the words with such yearning is a contrast to the shy look on his face. Itâs a side of him youâre not ready for, but itâs one youâre thoroughly enjoying. Itâs also pushing you to be even more shameless, as you nod and take his hand this time, placing it on your waist so you could feel his touch again. Heâs gentle, trailing his fingers up and down your sides.Â
âI am,â you manage to say, and you wish he could tell by the way youâre panting that his effect on you is way beyond your control now, and that itâs something you want to embrace. You mirror his smile, soft and warm yet full of desire.
He makes his move, placing his hand on your cheek as he eliminates whatever distance is left. And he stands there, just one breath away.Â
âYou have no idea how much Iâve been thinking about that night, wishing Iâd done things differently,â he heaves, his eyes flitting to your lips constantly, âwishing I had been brave enough to do what Iâve been wanting to do for so long.â
You lick your lips in tandem with his, and once you feel him thumb your cheek, itâs all over for you. With a whisper of his name, you hold your breath, and the next thing you feel is his mouth on yours.Â
He kisses you deeply, expressing just how much heâs been wanting to do this. You smile as you return his desire, suddenly feeling like youâre floating, as if heâs some dream that youâre able to reach, like heâs that beautiful thing thatâs tangible, that you can touch, that you can taste.
You moan once his tongue gains entrance, entangling with yours and dominating you immediately until heâs all you can breathe in. He cups your face, directing it where he wants, while his one hand trails down your back to knead your ass, as if to keep himself steady as he loses himself in you. Your breathing quickens even more as the pleasure rises, and with your fingers palming his chest and gripping his collar, he pushes you against his table.Â
He cages you and keeps you in place while he devours your lips, and you feel him all over you just as you wanted. Youâre hypnotized by his scent, by his warm breath, and by the large hands that now grip your waist and lift you to sit on the edge of his desk.Â
Your mind is hazy, high on the drug that is his kiss, lust-filled and passionate and relentless. You yearn for him even more the longer you taste him, feel him, and thereâs no part of you that wants this to end. Your moans push him to kiss you harder, leaving you a whimpering mess and with a mind that's truly unable to think a single thought outside of this trance-like feeling. His arms now wrap around you, and his hands, seemingly desperate to touch every part of you that he can, trail up and down your back, as if to caress you, as if to say that he wonât stop, that he wonât let you go.
Finally needing air, he removes his lips from yours only to travel to the most sensitive parts of you - on the shell of your ear that his tongue grazes repeatedly, and on your neck that he licks and sucks vigorously. You feel the chills all over your body, and you grind against him to try to satiate that growing need of yours, as you start to feel the dampness in your underwear. His hardening length makes you want everything he can give you, rules and boundaries be damned.Â
This isnât like you but youâve never felt this much pleasure and desire in all your life. Nothing couldâve prepared you for the ecstasy that kissing and feeling him would give. You feel his desperation and desire for you, as he grunts and moans your name, aching to feel more, to do more. You want to live in this moment, and then live it everyday, just take him in and take everything and give him everything.Â
But you shouldâve known that some things are too good to be true. And much as you hope and imagine for things to turn out a certain way in belief that you deserve good things in this world, they donât. Those donât happen to people like you. Thereâs always something underneath it all, as the fantasy shatters like a glass ceiling breaking at his words.
âStay, ___. Donât leave,â he hums against you, the tip of his nose gliding against your neck as he takes in your scent. âPlease donât resign. I canât⊠Iââ
You feel frozen as you process what heâs said. âWha-what?â You manage to ask, your mind slowly waking up now.Â
His lips take a pause at devouring your skin and he faces you, his chest heaving and his eyes glassy and pleading as he repeats his words.
âDonât leave, ___. Donât resign. Stay with me. I need you next to me.âÂ
âWhere is this coming from?â You demand, your heart racing now for a different reason, your anxiety building at how he couldâve known of your plans. You pull away to get a better look at him, with guilt now painting his eyes.
âI⊠I overheard you and Mr. Ri talking last night,â he admits shamefully. âI didnât mean to. I was going to just walk away but you talked about leaving and what you feel about me and I just⊠I froze. I donât want you to go anywhere, ___. I need you here.â
The silence drags on as you let his words settle, words you thought you wanted to hear. But not like this, you realize. This isnât how you imagined heâd tell you he wants to be with you.Â
He attempts to cup your cheek again but you pull yourself back, the rejection breaking him this time.
âYou knew I wanted to kiss you last week,â you start, your voice shaking as the pieces fit together. âYou knew yet you pulled away. You let a whole week pass with this distance, with no attempt from you to talk to me about it, or to even tell me what you feel but then you learn last night, after listening to a conversation you had no part in, that I like you. And tonight, you kiss me because suddenly you need me? Because you want me to stay next to you?â
âIââ Jungkook starts, unable to say anything as you put it the way you do.Â
Heâs wanted you for so long and always had reasons to keep his distance. He tried to gain the courage to talk to you this week, even as you avoided him, but he didnât. There was just so much fear, so much worry about what he should do, about you asking him to forget about it, about possibly pushing you away even more. He didnât intend for things to happen this way but for you to think that heâs only doing this in an attempt to keep you from resigning is all kinds of wrong, even if in hindsight, thatâs exactly what it looks like. He couldâve said something earlier, he couldâve told you what he felt, and he wouldâve been brave enough if he really wanted to.Â
âYou knew how I felt and you kissed me so Iâd stay,â you repeat. âYou hate change and me leaving will change everything for you and this⊠this is how you make sure I donât.â
Stepping down from the desk, you realize how much youâd lost yourself in him, with your skirt bunched up and your blouse all creased. You fix yourself, suddenly ashamed, and suddenly unsure where you stand. It took so much of you to admit what you felt for him and now it seems that he hadnât been into you the way that you thought.Â
You want him with you, but he wants you here, thatâs the difference.Â
âI⊠want you,â Jungkook says, the words suddenly hard for him to say, as he gets choked up at the distance youâre creating. âI guess I always have. I just couldnât do anything because I had to be professional and there were boundaries I couldnât cross. But I couldnât help it. Those donât matter to me anymore. Only you do.âÂ
His pleading eyes ask you to believe him, to understand him this time. But your silence and the way you look at him in disappointment tell him itâs not something youâre able to do.Â
âI never thought youâd feel the same way,â he continues. âAnd now I know that you do and that just means we can figure it out, right? Staying means we get to be together everyday. We⊠we get to have this everyday. Donât you⊠donât you want that?â
This is when you realize that much as you want to believe in his sincerity, itâs hard when he thinks of you as a necessity. You make his life easier. Youâre his assistant, after all. And that makes you unsure if he only wants you because he needs you, or if theyâre just the same thing to him.Â
He didnât even ask you why you wanted to leave. Maybe that should tell you enough.
â___, please. I just want to be with you.â
Itâs also at this moment when you realize just how much youâve fallen for him. Youâd feared that if he asked you to stay, you would, and that means putting another personâs needs ahead of yours again, just like what youâve done all these years. Staying would mean that youâd be unable to find yourself outside of all this, and youâve given up too much not to choose your own happiness this time, even if it means saying goodbye to the person who also makes you happy.
Finding what little strength you have in you, you turn to him. âI donât want to stay, Jungkook,â you say, your heart breaking as you utter the words, even more when you ask him to forget about everything that happened tonight. âWe canât do this. I canât do this with you. Not like this. Iâm so sorry.â
With your smashed heart in your hands, you do the hard thing and walk out the door, leaving in your wake a man whose broken pieces that youâve put together all shattered once again.Â
Walking down the block to get to the bus stop feels like a marathon, as the street feels so long with the heavy burden youâre carrying weighing you down too much. But you manage to get there, only to decide that youâd much rather spend the ride home on your own. You turn to a street to hail a cab then realize once you get in one that it was the spot where Jungkook had seen you, drenched under the rain with a sprained ankle.Â
He healed parts of you that night, with his quiet assurance that you didnât have to go through your struggles on your own. Youâd hold on to that thought months later, though youâre unsure about now - much as things hurt at this moment, all you want is to be alone.
You get off two stops early and mindlessly walk towards the convenience store, thinking that some snacks for dinner would do. You donât really feel like eating but your bodyâs needs are greater than your own desire to eat. Walking down the aisles, you decide youâre only good for some cup noodles tonight. You donât even deserve boiled eggs that you suddenly craved, nor honey chips, and you definitely donât deserve dessert after what you allowed to happen earlier.Â
You stop your movements once you realize youâre sitting on the same spot where you and Jungkook had eaten when he drove you home that night he took you to the park. It had been a terrible evening after that incident with your ex, but Jungkook was the protective one who helped shoulder all the anger that you were too exhausted to feel. He was a reliable and comforting presence, familiar yet new with his warmth. During the occasional moments in the weekend after when your mind would go to that night, youâd think of Jungkook and how he made you feel safe.
It feels too much, so you take your noodles and finish them on the bench outside. You walk home after, letting the crisp evening air envelop you as your mind replays what happened.Â
You donât think youâve ever wanted to feel someone the way you wanted to feel him, but you suppose thatâs why it hurts as much as it does. You wanted him to want you as much as you did, and you were perhaps foolish to think heâd have the same reasons as you. Maybe you were really just stupid for feeling anything in the first place, knowing your place in his world. Youâre everything convenient and easy and familiar and despite the week of walking on eggshells around him, you gave in so quickly. He knew what to do when it came to you.Â
And maybe thatâs on you. You allowed yourself to feel so much for a man whose life is so intertwined with yours that itâs hard to know whatâs real. Yet you know that despite all that, your desire for him is still too strong. Itâs why you had to leave right away.Â
Another moment of him pleading for you to not resign and you mightâve given in again. Another second of hearing him ask you to be with him and you wouldâve believed him - that there was sincerity in all that, that heâd be with you regardless if you stayed in the company or not. Now youâre left with the thought that the convenience was what he wanted, that as he crossed the line, it was all or nothing for him. And that youâd be the weak one, willing to give up what else you could be outside of all this just for him.Â
Perhaps youâre also asking for too much. Heâs used to a life without much consequences to his actions. Thereâs a lot he doesnât know, especially what you had to endure and give up to be here and what you want out of life now that youâre old enough to take control of it. Maybe for him, asking you to stay was that declaration and proof of his feelings; doing so took so much out of him already that thinking of what life would be like without being with you everyday was too hard of a reality to accept or work around.Â
Youâre too out of it that you donât realize that youâve been standing outside your door. Youâre thankful for the weekend at least. Youâll spend half of it in bed, and the other half preparing yourself for how youâll face him again, and how youâll finally say goodbye.Â
You enter and sigh at the warmth inside. Dropping your bag on the floor, you stand by your tiny dining table and take a bite off the apple you find in your fridge. You gaze at your shelf, the one filled with photos of your family and friends and a few more of different sceneries that you took using the disposable camera that Jungkook had gifted you for your birthday. Itâs another reminder of how much a part of your life heâs become, how, of all the people in the world, heâd been the one to show you that capturing moments is a gift you shouldnât take for granted.Â
You often wondered what moments he liked to capture. He doesnât have photos in his penthouse other than those of structures and buildings that are artistically taken. There are framed old blueprints and historical pieces but nothing of him and the people in his life.Â
Maybe he doesnât have good enough memories he wants to keep. For a short moment, you wished that the times he shared with you are ones heâd like to hold onto. But maybe the idea would hurt more - youâll just be a memory like he would be to you.Â
You always wanted to keep only good ones of him, but the sight of him rooted in his spot and in shock as you turned him down is far from something you want to remember. Heâs something you didnât know you wanted, but he stands between you and the life youâve always wished for yourself - one where you get to decide, to be free, to be happy.Â
Heâll let you go and forget all this, you think to yourself. Youâll be the one who walked away. And heâll be the one who didnât run after you.
Jungkook is stunned as he watches your retreating form. The sounds of your heels against the marble floor disappear as he remains unmoving from his spot in his room where heâd kissed you just moments earlier. You felt and tasted just like he imagined, and the moment his lips touched yours, he knew heâd want to keep kissing you over and over again.Â
It was the first time in a long time that he allowed himself to be honest about how he felt, giddy emotions included. It felt freeing to be able to admit all of that to you after all these months of denying it and walking around eggshells when it came to you. Heâd been sure, after last night, that you felt the same way, even more when he felt how your body reacted and how your heart raced, aching for him as much as his heart was yearning for you.Â
You sounded hypnotizing, too. The way youâd moaned his name ignited something in him that none of the women heâd slept with had ever done before, and he knows itâs because heâd never felt anything genuine for them. They were good for the moment but he knew, especially the instance that he felt you close, that he wanted you for more than that. He wanted the soft touches and the gentle whispers, the longing looks and the intertwined hands. He wanted more than he thought he would, but during his most vulnerable state, he uttered the words heâd been dying to say since last night when he learned of your plans.
He asked you to stay. He told you he needs you, that he wants to be with you.
They sounded like pleas and maybe thatâs what they were. From the deepest and coldest nooks of his heart, he was pleading for you to not leave. Heâd finally admitted what heâd been so scared to accept, but all his words did were hurt you.Â
You insisted that all he cared about was the convenience of being together everyday, that you staying meant heâd get to keep all that was familiar. And he doesnât know what would be taken away from you if you did.Â
You wanted him, too, didnât you? Wasnât that enough? And wasnât being with him all that mattered?Â
Sure, thereâd be complications, but those are things he knows youâd both be able to face, theyâre things you can navigate around and figure out together because this isn't just a one-time, spur-of-the-moment type of thing. He wants all of you, everything with you, whatever it takes.Â
He hadnât realized it until that second he held you in his arms. And then again when you pulled away, looked at him with glassy eyes, and told him you couldnât stay.Â
Heâd been too hurt to run after you. He didnât know what to say then. How would he, when youâre the one who couldnât commit to what you felt by staying around? He felt that betrayal, of that feeling of inadequacy, of his feelings for you not being enough. He bared his emotions to you after being so scared of doing so, and then you crushed his heart just like that, with his broken pieces that youâd just put together, scattered on the floor.Â
This isnât like him. Itâs been a long time since heâs allowed himself to feel so much for another person, to care for them, to want them in a way that scares him. But you showed him a life where it was possible to open himself up again, to find out what happiness could feel like this time, and in that same breath, you took it all away.
Heâs not sure where to go from here. But he decides heâll think about that tomorrow. Tonight, he just wants to forget. Tonight, he just wants to wallow in his sadness, erase the memory of your touch and the feel of your mouth against his, and let it all go.Â
Jungkook instructs Mr. Ri to go home. Heâll drive himself, he insists. Thereâs just no one right now he wants to be around.Â
He drinks a glass of whiskey for the road and manages to get home in one piece. He settles on the couch as he finishes another half bottle, then chugs down a few cans of beer after. The image of you gets blurry. His mouth numbs and he starts forgetting your taste on his lips, too.Â
His head falls on the pillow and his hand mindlessly reaches out. Thereâs no heartbeat that he feels; heâs forgotten how fast yours was already. The sound of your laughter and then of your moans is replaced with a buzzing in his ear as his mind starts to fall away.Â
The warmth of your body is gone but somehow he feels hot, so hot but he canât get his clothes off. He struggles a little, his fingers arenât doing their job so he gives up instead, curls into the corner of the couch, and for the briefest moment, he sees your smile so clearly. And then his mind drifts away completely, taking his confusion and yearning for you along with it.Â
At least for now, thereâs not much of you he remembers. But somewhere deep inside, he knows thatâll all change when he wakes up in the morning and searches for you, knowing you wonât be around to tell him that everything is gonna be okay.
Hoseok massages his temple as his sixth call to his cousin in the last half hour remains unanswered.Â
âHeâs still not picking up,â he groans, the unusual feeling of annoyance bubbling inside him at Jungkookâs irresponsibility.
Itâs Saturday morning and some friends of their family flew from Europe last night for lunch at the Jeonsâ estate. This gathering was scheduled in time for their grandfatherâs death anniversary today, and itâs an event that Mr. Jeon was adamant that Jungkook and Hoseok attend as their respective familiesâ representatives and as heirs of the company. Those friends had been there when their grandfather built Jeon Corporation from the ground up, and welcoming them is a sign of respect for that friendship and for the memory of the man theyâre celebrating today.Â
Jungkook had informed Mr. Ri that heâll be driving himself to the estate and promised to be there before 11 AM, as what his father had requested. Itâs half past that and heâs still nowhere to be found. He hasnât been picking up his phone and his friends claim they donât know where he is. Knowing how important today is, Hoseok wanted to accompany Mr. Ri in going to the younger manâs apartment to pick him up and find out why heâs late. When the elder Jeon asks, which he will, Hoseok would at least have a reason to give. It just better be a good one.
They both arrive at the building and are informed that Jungkookâs cars are still in their respective slots. Heâs not in any of the amenities and the guards report that they havenât seen him since he arrived on his own last night. He may not be a fan of these types of events but Jungkook always shows up. He knows what today means for their family; if not for his father, then at least for his grandfather, a man he respected and looked up to. If, for some reason, he failed to wake up, then he must be in a bad condition, and Hoseok either has to scold his cousin, or cover for him.
With no one answering the door, Mr. Ri uses his access and enters. Itâs dark and quiet inside, with the blinds all closed. When he and Hoseok find Jungkook passed out on the couch with an empty whiskey bottle and beer cans on the floor, itâs the same moment that Mr. Riâs phone rings, and itâs your name that lights up the screen.
âHi, Mr. Ri,â you groggily say. âIâm sorry I missed your calls. I had a late night and just woke up. Is everything okay?â
âIâm not sure,â he sighs, as he watches Hoseok pull Jungkook from his cowering form in an attempt to get him to wake up.
âWhat do you mean?â You ask, standing from your bed now, suddenly awake.Â
âI was calling to ask if you knew where Jungkook was. Their family gathering is today and he was supposed to be at his parentsâ house 30 minutes ago but he wasnât. He wasnât picking up our calls either.â
âOh, I⊠I donât know where he is,â you say softly, the mention of his name reminding you of what transpired last night, the image of Jungkookâs dejected look appearing in your mind. You worry about him though, wondering what time he got home. âHave you found him? Is he okay?âÂ
âHoseok and I are at his apartment and heâs passed out drunk,â Mr. Ri states, as Jungkook finally opens his eyes and mumbles some words that the older man has to walk closer to hear. âWhat happened last night, ___? Why is he calling your name? And why is he asking for you to come back?â
It shouldnât come as a surprise to you that Jungkook had spent last night drinking his feelings away. You know enough from your time with him that itâs what he does when heâs stressed or mad or frustrated, and then he wakes up the next morning and hits the gym to deal with his hangover. Thereâs none of that today, apparently, and you stop yourself from instructing Mr. Ri to prepare him some lemon ginger tea.Â
âWhat happened last night, ___?â He repeats. âDid you fight?â
âWeâŠâ you start, knowing that if thereâs anyone who has to know about last night, itâs the man on the other end of the phone. âWe, uh⊠we kissed. And then he asked me not to resign then I pulled away.â
Walking towards the kitchen to hand Hoseok a glass of water, Mr. Ri asks if youâd told Jungkook of your plans, stating that he hadnât told him about it.
âHe overheard us talking last Thursday,â you respond. âHe knew what I felt about him, kissed me, then asked me to stay. He said he didnât want me to go, that he wanted to be with me, and that we could be together everyday. It didnât feel right,â you continue, your voice shaking now as you recall the conversation. âIt wasnât supposed to happen that way. We were supposed to talk about it. He wasnât supposed to use my feelings against me like that.â
âDid you tell him why youâre planning on leaving?â
âNo⊠He just went on about needing me to be with him and I⊠I couldnât bear it,â you say, feeling the tears dance around your eyes. âYou told me that I could always leave but even then, Iâd always have a reason to stay but it would be their reason, not mine. I finally built the courage to decide on this because you know I need this. I donât want him to be my reason this time. Or else Iâll never be able to let all of it go.â
âI know,â Mr. Ri sighs, knowing more than anyone what you mean.Â
Heâll never be brave like you, but he understands that burden, that desire to just be free; he knows what itâs like to be held back even if itâs your own decision. Because at the end of the day, youâll always think you have a debt to be paid. He knows he does, but heâll always believe that you donât. Surviving was always enough.
âBut I think he has to know, ___,â he continues. âHe wouldnât let himself go through this kind of suffering if you donât mean that much to him. You have to tell him the truth. And I mean everything. You owe it to yourself, too. I know he means a lot to you but you canât move forward in any way, with or without him, if youâll just keep him in the dark.â
You let Mr. Riâs words settle. You told yourself the moment you entered the company that you wonât let your past define you, including your relationship with this family. Youâll work hard and everyone else will know you for that, and not for any other reason. You also knew that youâd spend every second of being here trying to prove to yourself that youâre capable, despite the irony that you were the one defining your time here based on your past that you just somehow couldnât run away from.Â
You werenât supposed to feel anything for Jungkook. You couldâve gone on with your plan of resigning without feeling bad that you were leaving him behind. And even in that alternative reality where heâd ask you to stay, it wouldâve been easy to say no. What makes this difficult is that you started to care. You got scared that if he asked you, you would stay. And now that he did, you have to be stronger than your desire to be with him.
Leaving would be hard, but staying would be much harder.Â
You wish it was easy to make him understand. But you suppose without him knowing the truth, he wouldnât be able to.Â
So you give Mr. Ri permission.Â
âI donât know how to tell him,â you say. âYou would. Make him understand. Maybe heâll let me go. Maybe heâll still come after me. And maybe heâll forgive me, too.â
Mr. Ri hums and drops the call. He returns to the living room where Jungkook is now seated upright on the couch, downing his second glass of water and taking medicine to deal with the hangover. The blinds are now up, causing him to squint his eyes. At least he looks alive now.Â
âThat was ___,â Mr. Ri says. âShe was wondering how you were.â
âDid you tell her I look terrible?âJungkook asks bitterly.
âI did. She also told me what happened.â
âWhat⊠happened?â Hoseok wonders. âDid you have a big fight?â
Knowing he has no way out of this, Jungkook tells the truth. âWe, uh, we kissed,â he answers, earning him a gasp from his cousin, who clarifies that while heâs not that surprised, heâs curious as to why both of you arenât together right now.
â___ plans on resigning. He asked her not to,â Mr. Ri answers. âBut you⊠you have to let her go, Jungkook. She needs to learn who she is and what she can do without anything holding her back.â
âIf thatâs her reason, then she has to know that she can keep learning who she is and what she can do here, with me,â Jungkook insists, slowly gaining clarity, as all the words he couldnât say last night suddenly come out so easily. âThereâs so much she can do. If what we feel for each other is the issue and that means she canât directly work for me, then there are other departments where sheâd fit well in. This isnât just about convenience for me. I want to see her everyday but having her around means I get to make sure sheâs taken care of, that sheâs treated well.â
âAnd then what? Sheâll feel indebted to you because of that?â Mr. Ri counters. âThis is more than just developing her skills or building her career, Jungkook. This is about being someone outside of this company. Itâs about doing something without feeling like she constantly has to prove that she deserves what she has.â
âAnd she does. Who does she have to prove anything to? Weâre beyond that. Everyone knows sheâs capable.â
âShe has to prove it to herself. It may be hard for you to understand but she⊠she wonât get to accept all that she is until sheâs ridden herself of the burden she carries. For as long as she works for your family, sheâll always feel it.â
The words feel a little too personal, Jungkook thinks, as Mr. Ri talks about your insecurities as if heâd seen you live them, and perhaps he has. The older man witnessed those first few turbulent weeks, and having known you since you started working here through the CEO, perhaps Mr. Ri had seen how your spirit broke a little because of Jungkook.
But still, something about the way Mr. Ri looks sullenly at him says that thereâs more to what the older man had seen, as if he himself is pleading for Jungkook to let you go this way, as if the care runs deep and the words carry so much more emotion.
âShe needs this, Jungkook,â Mr. Ri continues. âSheâs planned on leaving a few times before but her gratitude towards your family always pulled her back. If you really care about her, you wonât let that happen this time. If you want to be with her, youâll have to do it without her being here. Regardless of what she feels for you, she needs this more. You can let her go without really letting her go, you have to know that.â
It all feels too much and Jungkookâs mind is filled with so many questions. What do you owe his family? How does proving yourself have anything to do with leaving the company? How does he fit into all this? What do you need time away for? And how can he be with you at the end of it? Would you still want that, given that he didnât even ask you why?
âHow are you sure thatâs what she needs?â Jungkook asks, curiosity getting the best of him. Â
âIâve known her for 20 years, Jungkook,â Mr. Ri sighs. âI know itâs what she believes.â
Jungkook may still be dealing with a hangover, but he knows his ears didnât betray him. Twenty years, thatâs how long youâve known the man he trusts with his life, the man his father trusts with his familyâs life.Â
The tale is an open secret. Ri Byung-hun was a kid who grew up in the streets. He tried to steal from Jungkookâs grandfather, whose construction business then was slowly taking off. The elder man took pity on the young teen and sent him to school, and Byung-hun showed his gratitude by working for the family, eventually becoming Jungkookâs fatherâs chauffeur, bodyguard, and closest confidant all in one. The loyalty goes both ways, and itâs stood the test of time.Â
Jungkook doesnât know all the details but he knows enough. What he doesnât know is who you are in Mr. Riâs life, and why Jungkook hadnât heard of you before.Â
âHow do you know ___?â Jungkook finally manages to ask. âWho is she to you?â
âI know ___ because of her mother. And over 20 years ago, Cho Hye-soo was your fatherâs assistant.â
âSheâ what?âÂ
Jungkook canât hide his shock, and neither can Hoseok, who looks just as surprised about the truth as he is. His cousin wouldâve been in his early teens at that time, and as it was when it came to their familyâs children, training to become company heirs starts early, but they donât get immersed until during their late teenage years.Â
âI⊠I know Mrs. Cho,â Hoseok says. âIâve met her several times but I⊠I never knew. They never said anything.â
âIt wasnât something they wanted people to know,â Mr. Ri explains. âOther than both of your parents, Iâm the only other person who does. Too much time has passed for people to make the connection. It was just better that no one knew.âÂ
âWhat else did they not want people to know?â Jungkook asks. âWhat did ___ and her mom do? What⊠what do they owe our family?â
The elder man knew that at some point, Jungkook was going to have to learn the truth. He just didnât think it would have to be under these conditions, and that heâd be the one telling the young man about how your lives are intertwined, that whatever pain you both carried growing up, those would always lead you back to each other.Â
âYour father and Hye-soo were no different to how you and ___ are,â Mr. Ri starts. âHeâd just been appointed President and he was under a lot of pressure - from your grandfather, the Board, the rest of your family⊠He was always stressed and it didnât help that he was a perfectionist, just like you. That obviously affected your family, but it also affected those who worked for him, especially Hye-soo, who felt that she had a lot to prove.â
She didnât have a Seoul education but she was smart and resourceful, incredibly hardworking and devoted, something you inherited from her, the elder man shares. The similarities are striking, and Jungkook braces himself, hoping that they end there.Â
âShe always had to work overtime, including weekends, and that took a lot of time away from being with ___. Hye-soo would leave her daughter in the library where her friend worked, and that seemed to be enough. But of course, it wasnât easy, especially with a partner who lost his job and started drinking to cope.â
As Mr. Ri continues, Jungkook starts to fear something else, and so he asks.Â
âDid⊠did he hurt them?â
âHe yelled a lot,â Mr. Ri answers. âIâd hear it sometimes during breaks when sheâs on the phone with him and it crushed me every time. Hye-soo wouldnât say much, just that he was a good guy who just didnât know how to deal with hardships. She never justified his actions until of course, that piece of shit started hitting her.â
Jungkookâs heart breaks at the words, unable to imagine growing up in a household like that - feeling afraid, unsafe, and unfree.Â
âHye-soo assured me that Kang-ho never hurt ___. She was good at that, at protecting her child. One time, she was called to work on a Saturday and that didnât go well with him, but she⊠she always puts her daughter first, and that meant work would always be her priority because itâs what pays the bills and what sends her to school,â Mr. Ri narrates, his eyes growing more dejected by the second as he recalls those times.Â
âShe was rushing and couldnât properly conceal the bruise on her face. She was worried thatâs why she took ___ with her. Hye-soo kept crying as your father asked her what happened. She apologized for being late and for bringing her daughter to work, and she asked to stay in the office for the night until she figured out where they could go. I had never seen her break down like that,â he says, his voice shaking now. âAnd I wonât forget how scared ___ looked. She was just 10 years old then, clinging to her mother and not wanting to let her go. We were all strangers to her but somehow, she knew that we were there to protect them.â
The silence goes on, as both men take in Mr. Riâs words, but itâs Hoseok who asks what happened after, and eventually, what got you here.Â
âMr. and Mrs. Jeon didnât hesitate to help,â the older man shares. âThey had Hye-soo and ___ stay at the staff house in their estate for a few nights until they got a new place to stay. I helped them get their stuff after Kang-ho figured out what was happening and ran. The police had a warrant for his arrest but they couldnât find him for days.âÂ
Turning to Jungkook, he adds, âyour parents paid for all the legal and medical fees. Because Kang-ho knew they were helping, you all had to go away until he was found. Hye-soo and ___ went to Busan where he couldnât trace them; your parents stayed in one of their houses in Gwangju while you and your brother were in Gwacheon.â Mr. Ri sighs at the memory as he recalls those days. âThe reason why you were in that cabin was so they could protect you. I know you held a grudge against them for years because you thought they just left you there but they couldnât stay with you, Jungkook. You were all in danger and they had to keep you and Jeong-sik safe.â
Jungkook looks back at that night when everything changed for him. Things already werenât going well with his brother; the three-year gap and the way they were always compared kept them from getting along. His parents knew that, yet they still left him with Jeong-sik, who abandoned him in the woods when they played hide-and-seek. Thatâs where Jungkook was left alone, lost and scared under the rain, the thunder roaring as he yelled for someone to come. Heâs always lived with that fear, always carried that memory of anger and blame within him that transformed into a habit of just pushing people away, of keeping them out because that was better to accept than the knowledge that people he trusted left him on his own.Â
But thereâs a reason, he learns now, one that his parents kept from him to protect you and your mother, too. Itâs all too much, but he thinks now that maybe thereâs a reason why you were so patient with him, why you didnât judge him that night at the guest house, why you somehow understood what he was so scared of. He doesnât know if you know that the night at the cabin had anything to do with what you and your mother went through, but regardless, maybe thatâs why he always felt so strongly about you. The connection he was yearning for was always there, itâs tied to something, and he realizes itâs tied to your shared past.
âDid the police find the man?â Jungkook asks now, his headache somehow worsening from all the things heâs learning. But he just wants to know that you werenât even more hurt, that there was a way that his parents kept you safe.Â
âI did,â Mr. Ri responds. âI still had contact with people in the streets, and I left Gwacheon once I got a call that they knew where he was staying. I hunted him down and I handed him over⊠with a bloodied face and a few broken bones. They charged him for domestic violence and a few other crimes, including drug possession that would keep him in prison for years, long enough for Hye-soo and ___ to recover.â
âAnd what about you? Were you charged?â Jungkook wonders.
âNo, I claimed self-defense and Iââ
âBut it wasnât, was it?â Jungkook counters, knowing thereâs more to what Mr. Ri is saying.Â
âIt wasnât,â the old man admits, turning away as he says the words. âI couldâve done more but I⊠I couldnât lose myself to the anger even if it was all I felt. I knew Hye-soo wouldnât have forgiven me if I did.â
âYou loved her, didnât you?â Jungkook says, dawning on him now that everything Mr. Ri had done was so he could protect your mother and you. He realizes that all the times that the elder man looked out for you was because he was looking out for someone he truly cared about, someone who mattered the most to the person who mattered the most to him.
âI did,â Mr. Ri sighs. âI still do.â
Jungkook recalls the night during the team building and the elder manâs words, about the woman heâd loved for so long, and that moving on from her meant expending all that love to those he cares about, and now Jungkook knows that he was referring to you.Â
âDid she know? And did she love you back?â
âShe⊠she asked me to move to Busan with her and ___,â Mr. Ri answers, his eyes faraway as memories of that conversation come rushing back, how heâd wanted to just run away and build a life he never thought he could have with the woman heâd fallen so hard for, but how he had to make the hardest decision then, knowing it was going to haunt him for the rest of his life.Â
âWhy didnât you?â Jungkook wonders.Â
âI owe everything I have to your family, Jungkook,â Mr. Ri explains. âThey gave me a second chance. Your grandfather got me off the streets, your father taught me everything I know, they⊠they had my records cleaned. They did it when I was a kid and they did it again when I was an adult. The only way I could ever pay them back was through my loyalty. I couldnât leave, not after everything theyâve done for me.â
âBut you loved her. She was your second chance,â Jungkook argues.
âAnd that love caused me to commit a crime I shouldnât have. I was going to pay for it one way or another,â Mr. Ri responds. âThatâs how I chose to do it, by letting her go, knowing that Iâd be able to look after her and ___ better that way. Your father would protect me, and I would protect them. Thatâs⊠thatâs how things go.â
Itâs a tragic love story, Jungkook thinks. Two people who feel so much having to let each other go, their own pasts pushing them towards opposite directions. Decisions were made and that pulled them apart. He supposes that reciprocated feelings arenât always enough.
âWhat happened after that?â Hoseok asks now, wanting to know as well how you and your mother managed, and if thereâs any more danger that you face.
âThey stayed in Busan for a few years. They only returned to Daegu after they learned that Kang-ho died in prison after acquiring some respiratory disease,â Mr. Ri replies. âMr. and Mrs. Jeon helped with the move, too. They had me check on Hye-soo and ___ almost every month, just to make sure they were doing well. It was hard, of course. Hye-soo wasnât earning the same as she was so she took another job just to keep ___ in a good school. Mr. Jeon knew that, so he kept offering to pay for her education but Hye-soo always turned him down. That continued until she got to college, and knowing that her mom wonât accept help again, ___ was the one who decided to take the offer. They paid for her tuition, and she eventually got an internship in the company. She took the job offer, too, and sheâs just been working hard ever since, thinking that she has everything to prove.â
âWhy does my father think he can buy peopleâs loyalty just like that?â Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. âIt traps people⊠it gives them no option.â
âI know it may seem that way but your father knows how important loyalty is, and itâs something that he gives, too. He trusts me just as much I trust him,â Mr. Ri defends. âBut when it comes to Hye-soo and ___, it isnât about loyalty but guilt. He blames himself for what happened to them. Even if it was all Kang-hoâs fault, your father always believed that if he hadnât been so demanding, things wouldnât have escalated. It was all the overtime, all the unfair requests that took Hye-sooâs time from her partner, from her daughter. He carries that guilt with him and how he treated her. In a way, I think that was his wake-up call. Work stopped consuming him after. He became considerate of his staff, asking about their families and how theyâre doing. He tried to make it up to you and your brother but that seemed to be the hardest thing for him; he didnât know how to get your trust back.â
âBut wasnt ___ choosing to work here about loyalty? She stayed every time he asked her to. She wouldnât have if she felt indebted to our family,â Jungkook remarks, not wanting to delve into his own relationship with his father.Â
âShe wanted to repay them just so her mom would stop carrying that burden,â Mr. Ri says. âThey were able to get away and build a new life where they were safe because of your parents and for ___, that always meant everything. She planned to work for them, but even a part of her felt that all the opportunities she was given was out of kindness. She always felt she didnât deserve it but your parents also think they canât ever make it up to her and her mother enough.â
At the silence, he continues. âPeople are complicated that way, I guess. We all have our own burdens to carry, our own past to deal with, our own actions to make peace with and accept. We make decisions based on what we think is best and just hope we donât regret them in the future. But we also make them as a way to take control of our own lives. Even if I regret letting Hye-soo go, I at least did it knowing that Iâll either have another chance at being with her, or that someone else will. And someone did, and I know for a fact that he loves her and ___ with all of him.â
âIn that sense, maybe resigning is ___âs way of taking control of her life this time, donât you think?â Hoseok turns to Jungkook, understanding where youâre coming from now, as he knows the feeling of not having to constantly prove yourself to others. âShe finally wants to let that burden go, to live as she wishes without feeling like she doesnât deserve what she has, even if it means not being next to you the way she wants to. If you make her stay, how do you think she can move on from all this? How can you be sure sheâs happy?â
Jungkook takes a deep breath, knowing itâs not enough to process everything heâs learned this morning. Thereâs that past he didnât know he shared with you, thereâs his relationship with his father that he doesnât know how to mend, thereâs his feelings for you, one thatâs still so strong and inescapable.Â
And then thereâs the thought that youâd known everything all along. Youâve been patient with him, you've been kind and understanding. Was that all because you felt like you had to? Because heâs the son of the people you feel that you owe a lot to?
Itïżœïżœïżœs not that Jungkook doubts your feelings for him, but he wonders if you do. Now that youâre able to make that decision to leave, what if walking away from his family also means you realize that your feelings are tied to that indebtedness, too? How real was it for you? And after you find yourself outside of all this, would you still want him?
The thoughts make his heart break, and this tells him that after knowing everything, he still canât deny what he feels about you. He still wants you just as much. Maybe the familiarity he always felt was because you are familiar. Maybe the connection was because of a painful past you both share, of a kind of pain you both understand. Maybe the intensity of feelings is a remnant from his childhood, one thatâs tied to yours in a serendipitous way.Â
Heâd like to think that even without knowing, you held out for him. You couldâve chosen to leave anytime before he came but you didnât, and your paths crossed this way and he convinces himself that you were always meant to meet each other, that you were always meant to make up for how intertwined and unfortunate your lives are. You never met then but this time, when you did, it meant so much more. He could only hope that itâs something you hold onto as well, and that when you decide to finally walk away, it doesnât mean you walk away from him completely, too.Â
âKook, I know thereâs a lot to think about but you have to get going,â Hoseok disrupts his thoughts. âYour father still wants us at that lunch. I know grandfather would, too.â
âYou should go ahead, Hoseok,â Mr. Ri says. âJust make an excuse to your uncle and say Iâm helping Jungkook fix up. Weâll head there right away.â
âNo, tell him that I know,â Jungkook insists. âIf⊠if heâs always wanted to mend our relationship, he and I have to start being honest with each other.â
âI will,â Hoseok says as he stands up to leave. âGet your head together, alright? Youâre gonna be fine.â
Jungkook massages his temples, knowing that he doesnât have time to get a workout in and rid himself of this terrible hangover. But he tries, as he takes a warm shower and asks Mr. Ri to prepare him a cup of lemon ginger tea and get some ginseng jelly for the ride.Â
The trip to his parentsâ estate starts off quiet, but the thoughts in his head are so loud that the older man asks what else is bothering him.Â
âHow was her time in Busan?â Jungkook asks.
âIt was good. She was a shy kid but she found good people she trusted and that meant everything,â Mr. Ri answers. âI visited them often, even when they returned to Daegu. But I stopped once ___ moved back to Seoul after college. Iâd ask her about her mother every now and then. It was nice to hear how well theyâre doing, and how happy they are with their new family. Min-wooâs a good man and his daughters love Hye-soo and ___ so much. It turned out well for them. When I think about that, itâs really hard not to justify the decisions I made.â
âWill you make them again? If given the chance?â
âIf I still think itâs whatâs best then, then I would. Sometimes we make decisions because of the other person, not exactly for ourselves. Sometimes thatâs how we realize just how much we love them, you know? When their happiness trumps our own.â
Jungkook merely hums. While he doesnât think heâs at that point with you, he cares enough to want you to have that chance to find your happiness, in whatever form that may be. And if leaving the company is what it takes, then he knows you deserve that and more. It doesnât change the fact that he wishes you can search for it while being with him, but perhaps itâs better if you find your way back to him instead. Heâll at least know you chose him, and not because you felt like you owed it to him to stay.
They make it to his parentsâ estate over an hour late. The guests have arrived and Jungkook greets them before finding his father. When their eyes meet, thereâs a look of sadness in the elder manâs eyes. Perhaps itâs understanding; maybe itâs an apology.
His mother gives him a long and tight hug, one that he savors for the first time in a long while. He remained distant from his parents after he decided to pursue further studies and then work in their office abroad. Itâs a relationship heâs still navigating. While his mother has always been present and affectionate, Jungkook is the one who stopped reciprocating. It just seemed easier that way, but he realizes that heâs missed her warmth after taking it for granted all these years.Â
The lunch gathering lasts for a few hours. Jungkook tries to pay attention to the conversations since engaging requires too much from him, especially after the morning heâs had. But his father doesnât reprimand him this time, and for that, heâs thankful. Hoseok keeps him on his toes though, but Jungkookâs mind constantly wanders towards you. He wonders how you got home last night, if you managed to get some rest, and if youâre spending your time being angry at him or if, by any chance, youâre missing him like heâs missing you.
Itâs 5 PM by the time the last guest leaves, and with Hoseok and A-yeong needing to attend a dinner party, Jungkook is left to speak with his parents alone.Â
âI heard you know the truth now,â his father says as he sits across from Jungkook in the garden. âIâm sorry I kept it from you.â
âDid you intend for me not to know and find out from someone else?â Jungkook asks.Â
â___ applied to the company with the intention of contributing in a small way,â his father says. âShe made it without any say from me and thatâs a testament to her skills and capabilities. When we met after her first day, she asked that she not be treated any differently, and I agreed. I stayed true to my word and I kept my distance, but when I heard about how Mrs. Byun treated her, I knew I couldnât just stand back. I encouraged her to apply for the EA position, knowing that she would be treated well. And with that, she asked me not to say who she is - not to Hoseok, and especially not to you. Thatâs not how she wants to be known. And I always respected her request.â
âDoes it make any difference, son?â His mother asks. âDoes knowing who she is to our family change the way you see her?â
âNo, but it makes me wonder how sheâd seen me all this time,â Jungkook says. âShe put up with me despite how I treated her. She was kind even if I was distant. She⊠she let me open myself up and thatâs⊠thatâs why I like her. That's why I asked her to be with me.â
The surprise on his parentsâ faces is immediate, but they stay calm, and itâs what prompts him to continue.
âI just hate to think that she suffered all that time because she still felt like she owed us. If you asked her to stay and help me, she wouldnât have been able to turn you down. And what if⊠sheâs confused her feelings for me for just⊠gratitude towards you?â
âOh, my dear son,â his mother sighs, taking his hand as a form of comfort. âWe are so sorry that all this has caused you to doubt her sincerity but if thereâs one thing we know about ___ is that sheâs genuine, and if you felt cared for by her, then she meant all that.â
âYes, I did ask her to help you, because I knew that if there was someone who could get through to you, it would be her,â his father says this time.
âSo you took advantage of her? Because you knew sheâd do what youâd ask,â Jungkook huffs.
âI did that because I knew that she would care, that she would understand. Thinking about it now, perhaps I asked for too much,â the elder man shakes his head. âSheâs a lot like her mother, and Iâve come to realize that youâre a lot like me. I needed someone like Hye-soo and somehow I just knew that you needed someone like ___. Both of you opening up and finding comfort in each other just happened, I suppose, and thatâs not such a bad thing, is it?â
âI donât know. Because now, she doubts what I feel and Iâm not sure about what she feels, too,â Jungkook admits, letting his own insecurities get the better of him. He hates that heâs started to doubt you as well.Â
âIf it matters, Iâve seen how she is with you. She cares about you, she worries about you. And the way you respond to her just means that your heart feels her sincerity, too,â his father responds. âDonât let anger or fear taint that for you.â
âArenât you mad about what happened?â Jungkook wonders. âSheâs my assistant and I ended up crossing a line. I kissed her. In my office.â
âPerhaps I should be,â his father hums. âBut with her planning on resigning, I suppose youâre already feeling a lot of emotions about that. I donât want to add anymore. Youâre an adult and you know that your actions have consequences. You just have to deal with them now. And donât ever do that again.â
Thereâs no anger in his fatherâs words. In fact, thereâs comfort that Jungkook has never heard before. It suspends his worries only for a short moment, as heâs reminded that you indeed plan on leaving. When that is, he doesnât know. But heâs gonna have to start dealing with your loss just as he needs to deal with his feelings for you. Itâs all too complicated; getting together despite what you both feel isnât that simple. Your happiness comes first. He knows he cares so much that itâs what he wants you to focus on.Â
âLetting her go now doesnât mean you have to let her go for good,â his mother tells him. âSheâll choose you if thatâs what her heart says. And at least then, youâll know for sure that she still wants you after everything.â
Jungkookâs parentsâ words echo in his mind for the rest of Saturday that he spends in his living room, choosing wine as his companion for the evening. Thereâs no intention of getting hammered unlike the night before though. The drink calms him down and allows him to have proper sleep this time. He spends the most of his Sunday in bed, thinking about you, then attempting to remove you from his mind.Â
Not wanting to deal with any more tension, he instructs Mr. Ri that Monday to just drive you straight to the office. Jungkook arrives and sees you stand up to greet him as he walks through the hallway, and he responds with a nod as his own greeting before heading straight to his room.
Thereâs that feeling again - of missing you, of hoping he could fix things but not knowing how, of wanting to ask you to stay but knowing he has to let you go, and of wishing that when he does, youâll find your way back to him again. He shakes off the thoughts during that short walk to his desk, feeling himself weaken with every moment that he spends far away from you.
Jungkook takes his seat and sighs as another day starts without his usual routine. Knowing he has no other choice, he pushes on. From his periphery, he sees you glancing at him through the window, and a part of him wishes itâs your attempt at seeing if you could speak with him, maybe ask if you could talk about what happened later on or about what he now knows about you. Or anything, really. He just wants to hear your voice again. Hopefully see your smile. Despite all his doubts about you, the emptiness he feels tells him that nothingâs changed - what he feels for you is real, and he might not know whatâll happen next, but he at least knows that what he wants is to be with you; he hopes heâll figure out how to do that with you.
He sees you glance at him again and it sparks a bit of hope. That is, until he spots the envelope on his desk, and inside it, your resignation letter.
He tries to act unaffected as he reads what youâve written. Itâs straight to the point, as you narrate your journey in the company, having started as an intern and then working in logistics before finding your footing as the Vice Presidentâs assistant. You list the skills youâve developed and other things youâve learned but that you think itâs time to venture into something new and different, noting how youâll take all your experiences with you in this new stage of your life.Â
You thank him for his guidance, and he almost breaks towards the end when you mention the Arts Center. You apologize for leaving before its completion, but youâre thankful because it allowed you to appreciate the beauty of things, that it made you understand the value of meaning and connection, and that his passion for it pushed you to find something that you want to be passionate about, too. Youâve given him something, and now he knows that in his own way, heâs given something to you, too.Â
You type away on your desktop while not-so-discreetly peeking into Jungkookâs office to see his reaction to your letter. Your plan was to resign after the Arts Center was launched, knowing how big of a project it is that needs all of Jungkookâs attention. He canât be distracted, and a part of you scolds yourself for being selfish about deciding to do this now.Â
But you also knew that you couldnât delay it any longer. After what happened last Friday, you didnât know how you could face him again, especially now that he knows everything. It didnât feel right to continue on, not just because of your feelings but because you crossed a line - you kissed and did all that in his office. That itself is unacceptable; it almost feels like a betrayal to his family, whom youâll have to painfully say goodbye to as well.Â
Mr. Ri visited you yesterday to give you comfort, knowing that youâd choose to go through this on your own again. Jungkook was devastated but was worried about you more than anything, you were told, and somehow that made the decision less difficult but still painful to make. You donât know if heâll ever truly understand, especially if finding yourself means letting him go despite the happiness he gives you.Â
Itâs not everyday you find someone you feel so much for, but then again, human beings are complicated - they can want something and be scared of it at the same time; they can have the chance to have it but doubt it all the same. What you feel for him should be enough to dispel your worries about his sincerity but thereâs too much going on in your mind at this point. Right now, you just want to get away. With him learning the truth, you suppose he needs time to process all that as well.Â
Youâll miss him though. Youâll miss everything about this place. But youâll miss him the most.Â
Your phone ringing disrupts your thoughts, and your heart races when you hear Jungkookâs voice on the other end.
âMs. Cho, please come to my office.â
You calm your nerves and find the strength to get off your seat and walk towards him. Heâd been expressionless the whole time, and you wonder if heâll hold off your resignation because itâs terrible timing. Either way, you try to prepare yourself for whatâs to come.Â
But clearly, you didnât do so enough, as youâre still left speechless when he holds out an envelope for you to take, the sight of his hands that once held you close breaking your heart again.
âI accept your resignation,â he says, his voice low and firm, his eyes not fully meeting yours. âYou have a month until your last day but you have two weeks worth of vacation and I urge you to take them before you leave.â
âThank you, sir,â you manage to say, your voice soft and shaking compared to his. âI⊠I will.â
âAnd this is your recommendation letter,â he says, handing you another envelope. âYouâve shown exceptional skills throughout your tenure here, Ms. Cho. Everyone youâve worked with says so, and Iâve seen that firsthand. Iâm sure that wherever you decide to work after this, youâll be another great asset. And my family wishes you good luck in your future endeavors. Thank you for all that youâve done for us.â
The words are too formal, too professional for your liking, and this breaks your heart even more. But you suppose thereâs no other way to do it. Youâre the one leaving; youâre the one who pulled away. After everything thatâs happened, youâre the one who walked out to find your happiness when Jungkook needed you the most, and you could only hope that one day, heâll forgive you for it. That heâll forgive you for all of it.
âThank you, Mr. Jeon,â you bow in thanks. âIâve said it all in my letter but once again, I appreciate everything youâve taught me.â
You bravely look him in the eyes as he seems to have found the courage to look at you, and the longer you do, the harder it all becomes.Â
âShall I commence the process of finding my replacement, sir?â You ask.
âThere is no need,â he replies. âIâve received approval from my father to have Lucas come in as my assistant effective immediately. Heâs scheduled to arrive this week, so you can spend the remaining time you have here turning over everything to him. I will announce your resignation to the team before then. You can also begin the offboarding process with HR so that there are no delays.â
âUnderstood, Mr. Jeon,â you say, the light in your eyes dimming as each second passes by.
âIs there anything else I could do to help you, Ms. Cho?âÂ
Thereâs a prolonged moment where you and Jungkook just look at each other, his eyes tinged with a kind of sadness that you perhaps mirror, with words swimming in your own heads that neither of you wants to say out loud.
You wish heâd say that heâs okay, that he forgives you, and that he hopes it didnât have to be this way.Â
He wishes youâd say that youâre sorry for leaving him, that youâll be thinking about him, and that you hope youâll find your way back to him again.
You want to tell him that heâs all you could think about, that youâll miss him everyday, that youâll search for beautiful things that are tangible like you said you would, and hope they would lead you back to him.Â
He wants to say that heâll look for you everywhere, that heâll hold onto every good memory you have together, that he hopes you find whatever makes you happy, and that heâll wait for you until you realize that it could be him.
But the moment passes and then itâs gone. You bow once more and head out the door.
You take your seat and will yourself not to cry. You canât help it though, even as you press your palms against your ears to drown out the sounds of your own sadness, of your heartâs call of his name even if youâre the one walking away.Â
You let the tears fall, a reminder that youâd done this, and that for the first time in your life, youâre crying over losing someone, even if he was someone you didnât have in the first place.Â
Maybe you werenât meant to have him at all.Â
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why are all the live videos i see of yunjin singing kinda âŠ. uhhhhhh like !!!! jhope chose u for a reason whereâs the talent !!!
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âđâËâč chaebol!jungkook (8) âđâËâč *nsfw*
series m.list // taglist closed.
note: for my og readers... iykyk
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//
jungkook doesn't know if he's gone completely mad or if he's just mad.
it's so blurry right now. the difference in feeling, the moment, the way he feels like he lost all control. it's so strange. in his head, he knows it isn't that bad. so what if you've been ignoring his texts for the past two weeks. so what if you've been absent from all the events he expects to see you and your fiancé at. so fucking what?
so what if he storms downstairs and knocks on your door?
he brought three excuses to offer you but as he stands in front of your door, his knees go weak. he ignores his gut feeling to follow his heart. without another thought, jungkook knocks on your door.
once.
twice.
then, he loses it. he begins to bang on your door like a fucking psycho.
just as he takes a breath, you open the door. wide-eyed, you stare at him in complete shock. then, when you find your words, you spit them at him. "are you out of your fucking mind?"
jungkook takes a step inside your home.
"are you?" he hisses. "two weeks? leaving me after we fucked and i fell asleep was one thing, but ignoring me for two weeks is another. do you get that? what the fuck could you be up to that requires your attention for two weeksâ"
"keep your voice down!" you yelp, pushing him back. "he'sâ"
"jeon?" your fiancé identifies as he comes out from a door. jungkook catches a glimpse. it's your bedroom.
your fiancé walks towards you two, adjusting his tie. he smiles, greeting jungkook warmly.
"is everything okay? you've never visited our home before," he says as he snakes his arm around your waist. your lips curve into a gentle smile as he does this to you. "are you here for business matters? ran out of sugar? or a wedding invite? we just finalized them." he rambles rather excited.
none.
i'm here for your fucking wife.
jungkook shakes his head. "are you headed out?"
your fiancé nods. instantly, you break away from him and open the closet door nearby. taking a jacket out, you help put it on your fiancé. he thanks you as he puts his shoes on.
"last minute meeting. gotta head to the office since my study is filled with wedding prep stuff. ___ here wanted the space. of course i had to give it to her," he laughs. "i'd give her the world."
jungkook bites his tongue.
"y-yeah. i, uh, i just came by because the penthouse cleaning lady did my laundry and mixed our clothingâthis belongs to you, right?"
you and your fiancé freeze as jungkook offers your panties.
"total mix up."
your fiancé lowers his gaze at jungkook. he sucks his teeth in and thinks for a moment. you grab your panties from jungkook's hand and hide behind your man. why would jungkook do this? he's swimming too far out. he's crossing too many lines.
you feel him grow suspicious as he states, "there's only three penthouses in his building... kinda weird that ms. kwon would get our loads mixed up..."
you clear your throat.
"love, you're going to be late." you reach over and give him a kiss on the cheek. "come home soon, okay?"
he shakes off the moment and nods. "godspeed. it was nice seeing you, jungkook... thanks for bringing back her... love, while he's here, you can give him the invitation! it'll be a waste to mail it. oh, hey! come to our rehearsal dinner too. it's next friday. go on, love. invite him to that too!"
"for sure," you comply. "jungkook, join us then too."
jungkook blinks at you. "i'll have my secretary clear my schedule... yah... you should get going. good luck with the meeting. if you need anything, let me know." jungkook adds, offering his hand to your fiancé to shake.
he tugs jungkook's hand and grins. "is this you saying you want to merge? i can draft a contract by tonight. join us for breakfast tomorrow and we can be one big happy family."
jungkook chuckles, declining his awful offer. "you wish."
your fiancé laughs heartily. "we can't be competitors forever," he says. "to be honest, i constantly feel like i'm losing against you."
you gulp at his words.
jungkook's eyes shift to you.
then, your fiancé glances at his watch and notices the time. he bids you two goodbye. pushing past jungkook, your fiancé hears him say something he never expect to hear.
"jin," jungkook breathes, "i feel the same."
with that, jin gives him a gentle look. as he turns around to leave for real, he reminds you to give jungkook the first invitation to the wedding. when jin is out of sight, jungkook turns to you. he doesn't say it, but he feels it.
he feels heartbroken.
jungkook takes a moment to look around your home. he's never seen it, really. it's beautiful. there's a lot of things that remind him of you and your taste. the colours, textures, and even placement of art... there's a lot of pictures. pictures of jin and his fishing trips, yours and his travels, and family.
so many pictures of family.
there's a burning feeling inside of him that he can't contain. it's either jealousy or guilt. he doesn't know. he doesn't really want to know.
"what the hell was that?" you cry, shoving jungkook.
jungkook doesn't move.
"not that i have to explain myself to you, but i've been busy with the wedding stuff. why can't you be patient? why can't you leave me aloneâ"
"goddamnit, don't you think i've tried, woman? do you think i like doing this? i've done everything i can. i even fucking bought you a new phone since yours must be brokenâ" he pulls out a new phone from his back pocket and tosses it across your kitchen island. you watch it slide, eyebrows knitting together.
"why? my phone isn't brokenâ"
"then fucking answer when i call. when i text. when i want you."
you glare at him.
"i'm not yours, jungkook."
he towers over you.
"so fucking what?"
a silence falls upon you two. it's almost upsetting. it's almost like if heartache had a soundâthis would be it.
"why'd you come here?" you whisper. "you didn't need to bring my panties down. you didn't need to give me a new phone. youâ"
"i miss you," jungkook confesses. "i miss you so much that nothing feels the same. my home doesn't feel like home anymore. i miss everything about you. i miss the way you'd come back to me... now, you don't even send me a text back?"
"jungkookâ"
"do you miss me too?" he asks, sounding desperate. he takes your hand and pulls you close. "say you miss me, please... i'm losing my mind. i need to know you miss me too."
you take a breath in, feeling dizzy from the truth.
"say it, ___," jungkook begs, as he drops your hands and places his on your waist. pulling you even closer, he places soft kisses on your neck. "you miss me too, right? say you miss me."
you stay silent.
"y-you're going too far, jungkook... you can't come to me home and demand things like this. you can't speak to jin like thatâ"
"fine," he yields. "i'm sorry. i apologize. i'll send you a fruit basket to signify my regret. i'll behave at the rehearsal dinner. i promise to do all of that... if you j-justâ"
"okay, okay," you cup his face and run your thumb across his lips. looking at him sweetly, you see his eyes tearing up. he was hurting. you know it.
"i missed you too," you cave. "i miss you, jungkook."
just like that, jungkook's whole world lights up again.
he kisses you deeply. so much so that when you pull up for air, you lose balance. he picks you up and takes you to your bedroom. the bedroom you share with jin.
there, he sets you down. he takes off his shirt, and then his unbuckles his belt. you watch as he strips and salivate over his body. he crawls on top, hands reaching for the nape of your neck. jungkook then brings you to his lips, kissing you once again. then, he begins.
he has you in all the way he wants to.
you give it to him.
he places himself in between your legs and brings heaven to you. jungkook does everything he's been missing to do with you. he eats you out until your legs shake. he fucks you until you can't take it. somewhere in between your moans and uttering his name, jungkook cums inside you.
he spills himself inside you. onto your sheets. yours and jinâs.
when he rolls off of you, you take a minute for yourself. as you gather your thoughts and he dresses himself, you can't help but feel shameless. your stomach twists and turns. it flips and flops like never before. thereâs a sudden wave of indescribable emotions that take over. your mind floods with morale attempts to fix this.
then, it draws a blank.
"do you want me to help you change your sheets?" he asks, breaking the silence.
you shake your head.
"n-no... i just... i can't believe i justâ"
"we just..."
"yeah... we just..." you feel yourself about to cry. "can you go? the invitations are in his study. third door to your left. keep your promise, okay? behave at the rehearsal dinner. bring a date. figure it out, jungkook."
"___â"
"i'm begging you... i don't know what else i can do. it's like i have no control when i'm with you. i always cave. i always go to you. i always... is it always going to be like this? am i always going to be this messy?" you choke on your own words. as you feel yourself sob, you let him know one more thing; "it feels like i've known you all my life. is that weird? like we've met before. we've loved before.... but here? in this life... it's like we can't even..."
"we can't what?"
"we can't even be friends."
jungkook takes a breath. he doesn't go to you when you start to cry. he lets you have this for yourself. rushing out, he doesn't bother to take an invitation for your precious wedding.
from the beginning, he had decided what to do with you.
he'd wait.
he'd wait for you to like him again.
he'd wait for your love.
link to paraluman ... again, iykyk :)
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reading TWO slow burn jk ficsâŠ
i am indeed godâs strongest soldier !!!!
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ok besties this is for science who from bts would u have a threesome with đ€âđœ
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