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gracieheartspedro · 4 months

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Your Needs, My Needs

THE PRELUDE

a masterlist of how you can help gaza

pairing: cowboy!joel x f!reader (no outbreak)

description: you have made it to your new home in taylor, texas. your anxiety of owning your our home and being alone is coming to a head, but you need to be productive. a trip to the local furniture turns into you meeting some locals and your new cowboy neighbor.

word count: 3.7k words

warnings: there is no smut in this part. still MINORS DNI! no use of y/n! vague talk of reader's old life before texas, no real description of the reader, description of small age gap, joel being a sarcastic shithead. sarah is canon, so joel is a dad. distracted driving. talks of consuming food. reader has mental illness, mainly described as anxiety, but could be other illnesses. I make it pretty vague. the reader likes football? lmfao

author's note: this is the prelude to the many parts I have planned for these two. this is sort of just setting up everything. I want a slow burn for these two, so hopefully these first couple parts make you guys sweat with anticipation. I also wanna quickly thank all of you for the love on the preview of this fic. I hope you all enjoy it! let me know what y'all think. YEEHAW!

“Sign here and she’s all yours.”

When you brought the pen to the dotted line, you knew that this was going to be the start of your new life.

While you were nervous about taking on such a huge project, you were ready to find solace in your alone time and work on yourself along with the beautiful farmhouse. You needed some peace and quiet, anyway.

She was set on 20 acres of land on the outskirts of a small town called Taylor. The land looked like something out of a movie, it’s rolling hills and sprawling fields.

The house was about 130 years old and needed a lot of TLC. You found it online after hours of scrolling. It was still liveable, but the older couple who owned it before moved to a retirement community and could not keep up with the maintenance. When the inheritance hit your bank account, you called the local realtor and told them you would be flying out there to check it out. When the car pulled up the long driveway, you knew that it would be yours.

Texas was a new start for you. And boy, were you ready for it.

You did not have a lot to move in, just a small UHaul full of boxes of clothes and miscellaneous trinkets. You left your furniture in your shared apartment in New York. You needed to find something that was more your style, anyway.

You moved everything yourself. You were not sure you were ready to trust anyone to help you move in. You knew no one locally, anyway.

It took about three days to get settled, and by that, you simply put up a shower curtain and finally put sheets on your mattress on the floor. You had also created a laundry list of random things you wanted to get done around the house in the next month. Priority number one was getting the bathrooms working. The toilet downstairs doesn’t stop running and your upstairs one won’t flush at all.

You decided that today was the day you would go out and buy some furniture for your living room and bedroom. You would also inquire to some locals about a plumber. It would take you days to work up the courage to reach out to someone in the phone book, so here’s to hoping you just run into someone on the street.

You hop into the sedan that you were renting until you could buy a car. It was nice but it was no match for your long dirt driveway. You already expected to pay extra for all the dings on the exterior.

The roads that lead into Main Street are long and winding. You loved driving, so when it was nice enough to put the windows down, you did so.

Since there’s no one on this specific stretch, you decide to switch the CD you had shoved into the disc drive, opting for another mix you had made years ago. The radio never played what you wanted, especially the local stations in Taylor.

In your distracted scramble for the CD, you don’t take note of the large stallion running next to your car. The CD is wedged between the seat and the main console and your fingers cannot reach the awkward position.

You’re not speeding. But when a giant horse runs out in front of you, you can not hit the break quickly enough. You stop breathing, bracing for impact. You jerk the wheel slightly, swerving away from the steed. Before your front end can make an impact, the horse is snatched back towards the divot in the road.

You are in complete and utter shock over how abruptly it all happened.

Your eye eventually catches a man on horseback, his cowboy hat shields most of his face, but you are more focused on how built this man looks. His biceps were straining against his button-up shirt as he held the lasso taut against his chest. His legs were locked around the brown stallion he was on, his jeans riddled with mud and dust. He had dark curls that peaked out from under his hat.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” You yell, your car slowly inching forward from its spot in the middle of the road, “Where did that thing even come from?”

The mysterious cowboy just shakes his head and trots away, clicking his tongue to guide the horse back into the field.

Your heart felt like it may leap out of your chest. A car was chugging down the road ahead of you, so you knew you had to move out of the way. You turn into your lane and slowly start down the road again.

You do not even bother trying to find the CD, again. You would rather sit in complete silence.

When you make it to the small stretch of downtown, your heart rate slows down. You spot a local furniture store that looks a bit dated. It was your best bet plus, you wanted to stand on solid ground and gain your bearings.

You parallel park rather terribly and hop out of your car. You huff loudly, throwing your purse over your shoulder and slamming the door behind you.

A hot cowboy saved your life.

It’s the most Texas thing that’s happened to you since you moved here.

You head inside the storefront. A smaller white-haired lady sits at the front desk, her head in a gossip magazine.

“Well, hello there,” You muster in your best cheery voice, trying to act like you did not almost die, “I’m lookin’ for some furniture.”

She chuckles as she places her reading next to the register, “Well, you came to the right place, sweetheart.”

You return the laugh, glancing around the large store. Couches and recliners in rows in the front, wooden bed sets lining the back wall. You were so indecisive, you were not completely sure where to start.

“I need a bedroom set and a couch or two. I just moved into th-”

“The old Caldwell farmhouse,” She cuts you off, hopping off her stool, “Saw you movin’ in a couple days ago. My boy is your neighbor.”

The joke about small towns is always true, you know that already. Everyone knows everyone else’s business. You could not shit without someone knowing about it.

You raise your eyebrows, acting like you’re shocked she knows about you already. “Yes, that’s right. Your boy?”

“My oldest son, Joel. He lives across the way from ya,” She starts gesturing towards the couches, “Pop a squat on one and see which one ya like.”

You end up sitting on every couch before landing on a brown leather one with a matching loveseat. The old woman is a great saleswoman on top of being sickly sweet. She told you since you are one of her first customers of the month, she would give you a great discount on a coffee table. You were a sucker for a good deal.

You knew what bed set you wanted immediately. It was a light-washed wood with tall pillars sticking out of every corner. It came with two matching dressers and one nightstand. It was only you, so you didn’t quite care about another side table anyway.

When the lady starts tallying up your total, you watch the slow-moving downtown. A couple walking across the street into the small diner. An older gentleman walking his small dog. The rickety old trucks that loudly took up the roads.

You’re so stuck in your head, you don’t even hear what your total is. All you do is hand over your credit card. She smiles and giggles as she swipes the card.

“So I’ll have my boy deliver it to you tomorrow. He is busy workin’ today, but I’ll have him get it to you. He’s quite the handyman, always busy doing jobs around town. Will you be home in the morning?”

You would have to have some strange man in your home to set up the heavy wooden furniture. It made the hairs on your arm stand up. You knew you would not be able to haul it all, so you had to take the leap of faith and hope and pray this frail old lady’s son is not a serial killer. Or stalker. Or both.

You needed your furniture, after all.

It will be okay, you tell yourself.

“U-uh, I will,” You swallow, “I don’t work right now, so I’ll be home all day.”

“Oh, goody! I will send him your way in the morning. He may have his brother with him just to get the bed up your stairs, but I promise they are good boys. If they aren’t, you come to me and their mama will deal with them.”

You laugh nervously, “Of course, thank you so much.”

–

You had woken up late, your anxiety creeping up on you last night. Your brain would not stop racing. You didn’t fall asleep until 2 am. You hop out of bed around 10:30 and wrap yourself in a cardigan. You have been leaving all the windows open at night, but you can tell the seasons are shifting because it gets so cold at night.

The doorbell rings and it’s like your heart falls out of your chest. You know that after you open this door, you’re welcoming in someone completely new and unexpected and it makes your whole body jitter. You make your way to the front door and take a deep breath before opening it.

Of course. It’s him. The hot cowboy.

It made sense. The endless green across from your home had to be part of his property. The road you almost died on yesterday was right beside his land. His house was tucked right across from the end of your driveway, with countless barns spread across a couple of acres.

You were secretly hoping he would be some silly-looking hillbilly, but instead, you find out your delivery man is the ridiculously attractive cowboy from the day before. His hair is tidy and dark without the cowboy hat on. It’s peppered with some white hairs, but it only adds to his appearance. His flannel has the top three buttons undone and his jeans are stained with age. You are finally able to get a good look at his face with no shadows covering his permanent scowl.

He had to be about 10 years older than you. You were not too far off from wrinkles, but you were still young enough to bear children without being considered geriatric.

He squints at you when you swing the door open. The sun is hitting his eyes, highlighting the warm rich brown color.

“Howdy neighbor,” He greets, a small smirk plays on his lips, “’m Joel. Nice to meet you officially.”

You introduce yourself, trying not to stutter as you say your name. He made you nervous. You chalk it up to just being nervous around men in general. But it’s the way his eyes trailed you as you moved just slightly.

You feel the need to clear the air because of the way he’s staring through you.

“And uh, listen, about yesterday,” You try to apologize, but he cuts you off by raising his hand.

“Wouldn’t be the first time an outsider got themselves hurt bein’ reckless down the backroads. Just glad you didn’t hit my horse.”

The response has a bit of a bite to it. You back up a step, your body also taken aback by his directness. You are used to confrontational people, but you’re not used to Southern folk being that way.

“No, next time I’ll aim for the ditch and tell my insurance that there was a silly cowboy in the road that I had to miss.”

You can tell by the sheepish smile on his face that he was not expecting you to be feisty.

“Don’t think they’d give ya’ much money for that,” He says in a hushed but matter-of-fact tone.

You relax your shoulders, trying to collect yourself. “Probably not.”

He turns back to his truck that has your bed frame in the back of it, disregarding the previous statements. “My brother is comin’ by in a few to help me get this stuff in.”

“Well, let’s not let all the air out of the house right now,” You extend the door wider for him. You are giving this man full access to your home now. You try to suppress your obsessive thoughts and instead decide that you know exactly what you can have him do while you wait. You remember his mom told you he was good with his hands, and since he wants to be snarky to you in the comfort of your own home, you would try to pick his mind about some of your home projects. “Come in, let me ask you something.”

You begin, gesturing him into the entryway. He accepts the offer, kicking his boots off on the porch. You appreciate his thoughtfulness and for a second, you realize you may be the asshole.

“Mama told you I was a handyman, didn’t she?”

You giggle, finding it funny that he could read the situation you were about to put him in. “She sure did.”

“She needs to stop tellin’ folks that,” His accent is so thick and syrupy, that it makes your insides tingle, “Got too many people askin’ me to fix their stuff.”

You guide him to the bathroom right off the living room and kitchen, “You know much about plumbing?”

“I’m assumin’ you don’t,” He mutters, “What do you have goin’ on?”

You point to the loudly running toilet, “This thing won’t stop running no matter what I do.”

“Well, what have you tried doin’?”

You both stand in the hallway, you looking up at him with furrowed brows, him looking down at you with anticipation. He was quick-witted, and you started to hate how much you liked it. He gave your sassiness a run for it’s money.

“I’ve flushed it a bunch of times. Cursed at it and kicked it,” He stares at you blankly. It makes your stomach roll, “Jesus, Cowboy, can you give a girl a break?”

He enters the narrow bathroom, approaching the toilet like there may be a bomb in it. He reaches towards the handle and jiggles it violently, which makes you giggle a bit. That’s exactly what you did.

“So, why here?” He questions, squatting in front of the bowl. He continues to mess with the handle while you process his no-context question.

“What Texas or this bathroom?”

He chuckles, his smile spreading across his beautifully tanned skin.

“You got tons of jokes, huh?”

You don’t respond, just shrug your shoulders. He stands up, wiggling the top of the tank off the toilet. You watch his hands lock onto the sides of it, ensuring it will not drop off and shatter on the dated tile.

“Texas,” He strains, freeing his left hand to mess with the handle. You lean against the door frame.

You are not even sure why Texas. You just needed to get as far as you could away from New York. You did not want your past to catch up with you, and you did not want to get stuck in a city again. But you could not share all this with a random stranger. He may be in your house, looking at your commode, but you can’t completely trust him yet.

“I just wanted a change of scenery. I always wanted a farmhouse.”

“Lots of upkeep,” He jabs, doing one more once over of the tank, “‘M thinking you may need a new float or chain. I can get my tools tomorrow and come over to fix it. May need to order a new part, though.”

You push off the wall, arms still crossed over your front. He puts the top back on and finally makes eye contact with you.

He would come over again? To fix your toilet?

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, ‘m sure it’s the chain or float.”

“No, I m-mean,” You start to stumble over your words. You swallow, collecting yourself for a moment so you do not look crazy to him. “Are you sure you’re okay coming back over?”

He gives you a thin-lipped smile, “What are neighbors for?”

His brother arrives in a rickety old truck at about 15 past 11. He looks a lot like him, but shorter. He has those same eyes though, permanently tired.

“Nice to meet ya, ma’am. ‘M Tommy.”

You grab his hand to shake it and he lingers a bit longer than you anticipated. Joel stayed on your front porch, putting his boots back on to start unloading the furniture.

You are thankful the weather was kind today, especially since every evening this week has been stormy. The sun was beating mighty hard on the men as they collaborated on getting your furniture inside.

While they get everything set up, you busy yourself making lunch. You get the bright idea to make them each a sandwich. It’s the least you could do.

You pile the cold-cut turkey and cheese onto the white bread you had, topping it with some mayo. When you hear their footsteps trailing down the stairs, you race out with the sandwiches on a porcelain plate.

“For your troubles,” You say before standing in their path to the door. Tommy smiles brightly, instantly snatching a sandwich from the plate.

“Thanks, darlin’,” He takes a big bite, humming in satisfaction. He walks around you, leaving you standing in front of Joel. His eyes are piercing, his lips ajar a bit, but nothing is coming out.

“Turkey and cheese, I promise.”

He reaches out grabbing the sandwich from you, “No sweet tea to go with it?”

Your heart sinks, instantly becoming self-conscious of your decision to be nice to these hicks. He was so intimidating with his steely expressions and broad shoulders. There was an essence about him that did not speak to his stone-cold exterior. It was more gentle. But you could only see hints of it when he smiled.

He can tell the wheels in your head are spinning. Before you can speak, takes a bite of the sandwich and shakes his head.

“‘m kidding, Yankee. Thank you, I ‘preciate it.”

You settle for letting out a long sigh and returning to your kitchen. You spend a couple of minutes, putting back all the ingredients in their proper places.

You hear Tommy yell for Joel, his voice kind of panicked. You race out the front door and see Tommy balancing your coffee table off the side of the truck. Joel is running to his aid, the dust from your driveway kicking up behind him. You hold your breath watching Joel help him balance the wooden piece of furniture.

“Can’t have you breakin’ your back before homecoming,” Joel fusses, guiding the legs of the table to the ground, “You know damn well Maria would have me, too.”

“Yeah, what’s a homecoming game without the head coach?”

You perk up, instantly becoming interested in the conversation that you weren’t supposed to be listening in on. The two men lift the table and start heading your way, right on the threshold.

“You coach football?” You ask Tommy, trying not to show your excitement. You loved football, it reminded you of Sundays with your grandfather. You never got the privilege to go to an actual game, even in high school.

“Yes, ma’am, for the local high school in Taylor. We are gonna make it to the state championships this year.”

You glance at Joel when he says it. He rolls his eyes, “Gotta win at least one game to do that, Tommy.”

They place the coffee table right in front of your new leather couch. Tommy grunts, trying not to argue with his brother in front of a strange lady.

He can’t help himself, though. He instantly snaps back at Joel.

“You know them boys have been practicin’ day in and day out. Why ya gotta be so negative?”

Joel places his hands on his hips, “Cause Sarah told me the guys in her grade are a bunch of dummies. I highly doubt they are ready to kick Georgetown’s asses.”

Tommy starts towards the door, “Just cause Sarah says it, doesn’t mean it’s true.”

“I believe my honor student daughter before I believe my dumbass little brother.”

You are not shocked Joel has a daughter. You are just shocked that she’s in high school. He looked too young to have a teen, but then again, he did have some grays sprouting. You cross your arms over your chest, watching Joel scoot the table across your hardwoods.

You’re staring at his hands, trying to conjure up a wedding ring on his left finger. But there’s nothing. Maybe he did not wear it when he was working. Maybe he just forgot to put it on this morning. Maybe his passive aggressiveness towards you was simply to ensure there was distance between you and him, giving you subtle hints that he was taken.

He finally glances up at you, stopping in his tracks when he notes your gaze.

“Somethin’ wrong?”

You have no clue what to say because you are so trapped in your head about him. He’s a stranger, god damn it.

“N-no, everything is okay.”

“Don’t look it.”

“I just was not expecting the coffee table to look so dark against the hardwood,” you lie, pulling whatever you could think of out of your hat, “Doesn’t it look dark?”

Joel looks between the floor and the table, shifting in his stance, “Don’t know bout that.”

“O-oh okay.”

“Alright, well we got ya all set up now,” He starts to head towards the entryway. You trail behind him like a lost puppy, “I’ll be by sometime tomorrow with that part for the toilet. I’m expectin’ another sandwich for that one.”

You grab your front door as you wave to Tommy as he heads for his truck. He smiles and gives you a head nod. Joel turns back to you, his ears perked up for a sarcastic jab from you.

You think back to something he said to you earlier. You crack a smile, “What are neighbors for?”

PART 1 COMING SOON!

taglist (ppl who asked to be tagged): @joeldjarin @taylorsmakingfuckingmacandcheese @mysaviorjoelmiller @brittmb115 @missladym1981 @jasminedragoon

#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #cowboy!joel #joel miller #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #joel miller fic #joel miller fluff #joel miller au #joel miller angst #joel miller tlou #joel x reader

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femmefatalevibe · 1 year

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Femme Fatale Guide: Habits To Become Your Best Self In 2023

Some habits, routine ideas, and mindset shifts to help make 2023 your best year yet. Hope this helps and inspires you to reach your goals for the next 12 months. Remember to work hard and take care of yourself. Once you put your mind to it, the sky is the limit! xx

Make Your Meals Plant-Based & Produce-Focused: Center your meals around a variety of vegetables, fruits, plant proteins, potatoes, and unprocessed plant-based fats (avocado, nuts, seeds) and minimal whole grains.

Get Creative With Stress Eating Substitutions: Discover healthy swaps for your meals and snacks to ensure what you're eating without sacrificing your goals. Some simple substitutes include mixing in cauliflower rice into your whole grain rice to add nutrients/volume while slashing the calories, using half an avocado with lemon as a salad dressing over spoonfuls of olive oil, swapping meat for lentils in a chill, soups, or stir fry, choosing frozen grapes or whipped bananas with berries over candy or ice cream for a sweet treat, etc. Remember: Spices and seasoning are your best friends.

Be Mindful of Your Beverage Consumption: Consuming enough water is essential. However, if you get bored with water, add some herbal and black tea, black coffee, or fruit-filled water into the mix. Cinnamon, vanilla, and apple or peach teas are great options to satisfy cravings and prevent mindless snacking (not a substitute for food – eat if you're genuinely hungry). For the winter season, try using some pure cocoa powder with hot water, vanilla extract, and a tablespoon or two of plant-based milk for a healthy hot cocoa drink.

Prioritize Long Walks: Carve out 1-2 hours of your day to get 10-12K steps in at least 5 days a week. Go outside if possible or jump on a treadmill/walking pad to get in some movement while watching TV, talking on the phone, or catching up on some emails.

Find A Simple Resistance Workout You Love: Yoga, pilates, or an at-home weight-training or body-weight exercise you can do at home. Browse different YouTube videos for 10-30 minute workouts to try or sign up for a class in your local area to make it a more social experience (and force yourself to take accountability to show up in the first place).

Create Short & Long "Bookend" Routines: Create a simple routine for the beginning and end of the task-filled portion of your day. For most of us, these routines would be done in the morning and evening/at night before and after work, school, or doing chores/errands. Let go of the rigid idea that these routines need to be done at certain times of the day. Set yourself up to win and tailor them to your schedule. Consider these short routines (like drinking a cup of coffee/tea, reading, meditation, journaling, a walk, or a short dancing session) your warm-up and cool-down sessions of the day. Having these rituals to look forward to will give you the energy and motivation to do what you need to get done each day.

Practice This 10-10-10 Mindfulness Practice: Make time for at least 10 pages of reading, 10 minutes of meditation, and 10 minutes of journaling daily (This can include shadow work) either in the morning or nighttime to clear and reset your mindset for the day.

Take An Hour To Plan Out Your Week: It's most convenient to do this power hour on a weekend (I typically reserve an hour before dinner on Sunday for weekly planning). Write out all of your main work tasks, schedule any due date reminders (for work, bills, chores, and other life necessities), must-do errands, emails and calls or appointments to make, etc.). I like using the Productivity Planner from Intelligent Change and my Reminders app/Google calendar via iCloud to sync deadlines and times to schedule messages/tasks/bills, so everything will be in front of me at the correct time throughout the week.

Prioritize 1-3 Tasks Daily: You might need to choose one large project to work on in small chunks or select a "Big 3" for the day, depending on how complex, lengthy, and time-consuming your projects/errands or appointments are for the day. Using this method allows you to be efficient, streamline your life, and feel productive without overwhelming yourself on the regular (the fastest route to burnout).

Make A Life Admin Schedule (and Stick To It): Choose days (and times if possible) of the week to update certain spreadsheets, batch reply to less urgent messages, clean your house, do laundry, grocery shop, etc. Scheduling these tasks ahead of time eliminates half of the battle for following through on what you need to do. Eventually, you will make these tasks into habitual routines that your brain will allow you to execute effortlessly as though you're in autopilot mode.

Mind Your "Circle of Influence": Do an intake on the 5-10 people you speak to the most or value in your life. If you're an employee, it is probably best to not include your boss or coworkers in this consideration list, as you need to work amicably with them regardless of your personal feelings. Look how you feel during your interactions with your friends, family, intimate partner, or an adjacent love interest. Consider how they speak to you, about themselves, and the topics your conversations are focused around. See if they align with the person you want to be and your goals. Evaluate how close you want to be and what parts of your life you think would be the most beneficial for you and the relationship going into 2023.

Set Boundaries: Understand your expectations, non-negotiables, and limits in every area of your life. Communicate these principles to others clearly, so they know when they are overstepping. Don't tolerate disrespect, but also don't expect others to be mind-readers. If someone knows that they're crossing your boundaries, it is easy to draw the line in the sand and walk away without the guilt or shame that can arise when conflicts originate from a lack of healthy communication.

Incorporate One Creative Practice Into Your Week: Reinvigorate your mind by engaging in at least one hour of creative activity per week. Try drawing, creative writing, poetry, singing, dancing, painting, pottery, jewelry making, graphic design, photography, etc. Even taking a foreign language course or creating a Pinterest inspiration/mood board or organizing your home/closets in an aesthetically-pleasing way counts. Figure out what creative outlet(s) you find satisfying. Prioritize scheduling this practice into your schedule weekly.

Refine Your Signature Look: Edit your wardrobe, try out a new haircut, or change up your makeup routine, nail color, or signature scent. Consider how you can close any gaps between your authentic personal style and how you present yourself on a day-to-day basis. Create an inspiration board if needed to help yourself define your unique aesthetic and gradually work towards embodying your ideal look.

Keep A "Praise" Archive: Create a record of all of the messages you receive highlighting your achievements, milestones, recognitions, or compliments. Compile a folder that acts as your "praise" archive for every area of your life. Create a folder in your work email inbox to save all of your professional achievements, praise, and positive contributions. Do the same for your personal email. Create a folder in your photo album of screenshotted texts. Keep a running list on your "Notes" app of any compliments you receive on your conversational contributions, actions, attire, personality, smile, etc. Hyping yourself up to connect to your highest self.

Create A "Siren" Kit: Take note of all of the clothing, scents, songs, cosmetics, phrases, people, and other aspects of your environment that empower you to feel your sexiest. Keep all of these items/songs/texts together to make it simple to set the mood before engaging in some indulgent action or revisit when you need a boost of confidence throughout your week.

Do A Financial Audit: Create an income/expenses spreadsheet to understand your current spending behavior and budgeting plan going forward. Set up your 2023 financial goals and projections, including target amounts for income, savings, and investments.

Give Yourself A Weekly "Treat": Find a healthy indulgence that you can strategically incorporate into your week. This "treat" can be a massage or nail appointment, permission to watch a movie or a couple episodes of a TV show, a serving of your favorite dessert or a glass of wine, etc. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Consider regular indulgence as an act of self-care not as a sign of weakness or self-destruction. Embracing pleasure does not require guilt or external permission.

Happy New Year, loves! Cheers to an abundant 2023 xx

#femme fatale #dark femininity #dark feminine energy #the feminine urge #it girl #dream girl #queen energy #high value woman #high value mindset #goal setting #success mindset #loa #loa success #female excellence #female power #femmefatalevibe

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i-magines · 1 year

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Wildest Dreams: Chapter 4

Pedro Pascal x fem!Reader

synopsis: You’re an assistant director in an indie movie set and fate makes sure you keep crossing paths with a certain Chilean actor.

disclaimer: This is my first Pedro Pascal’s fictional work + the first fanfic I write in English, as it isn’t my first language. Unfortunately, I do not own Pedro and this is all a product of my imagination.

rating: M (keep scrolling if your under 18 please)

warnings: age gap, mature content, fem!reader, eventual drinking and drugs, a little smut but nothing crazy (yet), a bit slow burn but not really.

a/n: i’m really happy with all the comments i got on the past chapters!!! just don’t know how to answer them with this account and not my personal one :/ should they fuck already or nah? let me know

word count: 1,851

After your last encounter, Pedro was being extremely weird around you. If you could even say that, since it was very clear that he was also avoiding you. This has been going on for about 2 weeks now and it made you feel super insecure. You didn’t get why he was behaving like this. Did he regret the little moment you had in the tub? Did you do something that made him change his mind? You felt confused and, being honest, a little abandoned.

In the mornings, you went straight to the set and, at the end of it, you ran back to your cabin. You felt very lonely without his company and even though you had a crush on him, your friendship was what you’ve been missing the most. The stories, the laughs, the looks between scenes. When you had to interact because of work, he avoided your eyes and was very quiet around you. For the past couple of weeks, you didn’t do much other than hang out with Flo on the only day off you had — and even that was odd, because Pedro left a few minutes after you got to Flo’s cabin. All of this was consuming you and making you feel terrible.

You were off duty when the producer called you. They were working on positioning the lights and rehearsing, but the extra actress who was supposed to be in the scene didn’t show up. Being a budget movie being shot in the middle of nowhere in Germany, the producers had to figure it out with what they had in hand. Trying to keep the situation only between the producing and directing teams, as the scene called for a more intimate approach, they asked you to be her stunt. You knew what scene it was and you got chills thinking about it, as you walked towards the cabin they were in.

Waiting for you were the director, the cinematographer, Flo and Pedro. The only form of illumination in the room were candles strategically positioned for the shooting. The director approached you. Not much time for the ceremony, Flo put your hair down and applied some makeup on your face.

“I’m gonna need you to strip down, girl friend”, she let you know, a bit embarrassed.

You already knew about that, so you had already prepared your mind to do it. You took your clothes off, keeping on only some nude panties. Flo added some makeup on your body as well, and left the room.

“Okay, let’s roll then.”

You and Pedro laid down on the bed together. He was still wearing his clothes, only some shirt buttons opened. He was on top of you, but didn’t dare to look at your eyes. It felt like forever for them to make sure about lights and angles.

“As you know, this scene isn’t about love”, the director started. “It’s about fucking. That’s all I have to say. Action!”

You both didn’t move.

“I said, action!” He shouted.

Your body felt tense underneath his and it all felt kind of mechanical, as he put his hands on your face and started to come closer to you. Well, this is how acting is supposed to be, you thought, as you put your hands on his hair, trying to make sure you were following the director's briefing. He suddenly stopped.

“Sorry, Dave”, he said, completely ignoring you under him. “I don’t think I’m feeling it with her, she is too young, and I feel like this whole scene doesn’t add up to the movie itself.”

“Excuse me?” The director looked confused and slightly offended.

“I’m not doing it”, Pedro simply said. Dave looked infuriated. “I know I have a veto power on the contract and I’m using it.”

“That’s why I don’t work with Hollywood stars like yourself”, he said after breathing in and out very slowly. “I just wanna point out what incredible ironic is your problem with her age, giving that I’ve lost track of how many times it got to me that you two have been suspiciously close with each other.”

You saw in Pedro’s eyes the same anger as the day you went clubbing. The producer came back into the room, after hearing the voices a little louder going on inside.

“I think it’s better if we all calm down”, she said. “Look, this scene has been controversial since day one, even the studio heads thought so. Let’s leave on hold now and we can have a meeting later this week—”

“No, Donna”, Dave interrupted her. “I’m doing it with or without him.”

“Just to make myself clear, neither is she doing anything”, Pedro said pointing towards you with his head. “I’m vetoing her as well. Go get dressed, Y/N. Now.”

You did as he told.

“This situation is ridiculous at this point”, Donna looked nervous and tired. The two of them had been fighting for days over every single thing on the set. “I will take this matter to the studio, no shooting tomorrow. Everybody out of my sight."

You left the room first and you had to practically run, because it was pouring rain. After all that, you weren’t even sure you still had a job anymore and you just felt so fragile. You heard steps behind you, but you didn’t stop. Pedro called your name. He got to you once you had to stop to unlock your cabin door.

“Can we talk, baby girl?” His words made you slowly turn to face him. You both already wet from the rain.

“Don’t you fucking dare to baby girl me, you fucking asshole”, you didn’t raise your voice, but he could see the hurt in your words.

“Y/N, I couldn’t do it— this whole situation”, he tried to defend himself.

“Fuck you Pedro. Fuck you a million times”, you were a bit louder now. “Did it cross you pretty little mind that I need this fucking job? That I need people to fucking like me? Get off your ass and look around, man.”

“You are no actress, especially for a scene like that”, he said, raising his voice too.

“Why do you care? You don’t even recognize my existence anymore”, you felt like crying.

“That’s how much I care!” He ran his hand through his hair. “Do you have any idea how hard it has been for me since I met you? Being around you and saying no to every single one of my instincts demanding me to fucking make you mine? Since day one, Y/N. Since I saw you in that goddamn bathtub.”

“Who the hell asked you to do that?” You stared at his brown eyes.

“You didn’t even want people to know we were friends”, he did his best to not sound like he was blaming you. “I never know what to do around you and you don’t make my life easier with all those fucking mixed signs.”

“I fucking told you!” You come off louder than you meant. You take a tone down as you repeat yourself, “I fucking told you.”

He rubbed his eyes. “Can we go inside, please?”

You did as he asked and got you both towels. He sat on the corner of your bed.

“Look, sweetheart”, he began. You were still standing up, looking at him. “This whole thing… The age gap, it just— it won’t work out in the long run. After what happened, I truly felt bad with myself, as if I was taking advantage of you.”

“Wow, hold on a minute”, you shake your head. “Sure you are like, over 20 years older than me, I get that. But who the fuck was talking ‘bout forever? And most importantly, Pedro, I thought we fucking were friends! Why didn’t we talk about it?”

“I’m sorry—"

“I’m not done”, you interrupted him. “I’m no kid. I’m a fully grown woman who knows what she wants and I expected that after our last conversation you already knew what that was.”

You came closer to him.

“You are not manipulating me, Pedro”, you said as you got on your knees in front of him. “I want this, I want you. I fucking need you so badly.”

Your words gave him chills. You both knew that what you were craving would have a lot of implications for both of you.

“Are you sure?” He asked, his eyes sparking. “Are you sober?”

"Unfortunately, I am”, you promised. “Please, don’t make me beg.”

You didn’t have to.

Pedro finally pulled you closer for a warm, passionate kiss. He held your neck with one hand, using the other one to pet your cheek. You made sure to reciprocate the intensity, getting your tongues to touch, making the kiss deeper. Your stomach felt like it was upside down, butterflies all over the place.

"Fuck, sweetheart", he growled in the middle of the kiss, you got goosebumps all over your body. He got you up and made you sit on his lap, so his hands could run more freely through your body. "You're so fucking beautiful, you know that?"

The thought of Pedro thinking you were beautiful made you blush. He had mentioned it a couple times before, when you're hanging out together, but in a more subtle way. You let your hands wander through his neck and arms, finally being able to touch him as you’ve been wanting since you two met. A moan escaped your lips and that was the sign Pedro was waiting to push you down to the bed, getting on top of you. You loved the feeling of this warm body on yours and you could feel the heat from between your legs increasing.

All you could think about is how you wanted him all over you, touching every single possible part of your body. His smell felt inebriating, as if he was the only thing you senses could process at this moment. Time stopped making any sense and you both pulled away after a while, gasping for air. He let his body fall down next to yours and you laid on your side, turned to face each other.

"You're a good kisser", he says, switching his look from your lips to your eyes.

"You're not bad yourself", you both giggled. He let his hand rest on your waist, putting you a little closer, saying nothing for a while. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just— I guess I’m worried about you”, he said, avoiding looking in your eyes now. “Keep thinking about what Dave said, people gossiping about us.”

“Usually I do my best to not listen to what people say,” you started. “But I guess I’ve been afraid of running the career I barely started.”

“I get that and I’m sorry I can’t protect you from it, sweetheart.”, he touched your cheek with his thumb. “We’ll just keep it between ourselves.”

CHAPTER 5 AVALIABLE NOW

TAGLIST: @kyuupidwrites @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan @vivibabiez @ivyohmy @sebastianstansimp @tubble-wubble @28cnn @3zae-zae3 @technicallysassyfox @bellatrixyoass @mandolover86 @eliffluisa @jbcalway (does anybody know why i can’t tag some people?)

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #pedro x reader #pedro pascal smut #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction

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talokanda-forever · 1 year

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I am SO very proud of my people.

Yeah, this is long but these thoughts hit me hard this morning and I gotta let it out.

Angela Bassett did it. When I first saw the throne room scene where she stripped Okoye of her titles, I knew she was giving us an award-winning performance. Some will see this end result of her claiming her Golden Globe as black excellence...and it is. But black excellence is displayed by the hard work and commitment that began 2+ years ago when a heartbroken cast and crew worked through the devastation of losing Chadwick. That is who my people are...we persevere. The excellence is in creators and artists who dig deep to build worlds that ring true on the screen. So that those communities who are starving for true representation can take pride in what they are consuming; instead of feeding us the same old caricatures that some think should satisfy the call for inclusion and representation.

I think about the brilliance of Ryan Coogler. How he puts in the work, how he listens, how he INCORPORATES the feedback he receives, how he is a true CO-LLAB-O-RA-TOR. He didn't create the Talokanil salute, others did. But some would have brushed it aside because it wasn't their idea. He listened when Tenoch told him he didn't look Mayan and took the time to incorporate Tenoch's heritage into his script (we need that extended cut, y'all!). And I think about how during the filming of this very production, Ryan was subjected to racial profiling when he attempted to withdraw money from his own bank account. Cops called out and handcuffed (don’t get me started). Still, they continued. Through a pandemic, they stayed on course. Through Letitia's injury, they plowed through. THAT IS BLACK EXCELLENCE AND THAT IS WHAT WE DO.

Movies like this hit different for POC... they just do. On some level, they go beyond entertainment for us. Someone who has not suffered the exhaustion of getting beat up by society just for existing may not understand. It is a fucking breath of fresh air to look up at the screen and see cultures that have been shit upon--and in some cases exterminated--presented with the utmost respect. We hold them high as banners of pride. We don't want to go to the movies only to get beat up again by images that only denegrate vs uplifting our people.

I love the MCU. I've been there since the first available screening of IRON MAN. Can't tell you how many midnight showings I've attended. I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel a little (ok, a lot) more special that the first major acting award for an MCU film was from the BLACK PANTHER franchise.

Wakanda Forever! Líik'ik Talokan!

#wakanda forever #liikik talokan #black panther #angela bassett #queen romanda #ryan coogler #tenoch huerta mejia #tenoch huerta #namor #letitia wright #shuri #mcu #agua papi

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homochadensistm · 1 month

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I'm not jewish, so i have no skin in the game and no right to center myself in i/p, but I'm against hamas, and I know it's insignificant and petty but everytime I see some really good artist or fandom blog or account and then after scrolling a bit I find pro-pally stuff and I just can't follow them anymore. I feel guilty when I like their post and fanarts. after the war in ukraine and the silence to overtalking of russian fandom blogs i gained the bad habit of checking the politics of a fanfiction writer or artist, but most of them wwre either silent anti russia at first before forgetting about it very quickly, but pro pally stuff is everywhere i can't avoid it. sometimes I wonder, maybe if it's just one or two post, or it's not that antisemitic, just misinformation propaganda for pity, maybe I can ignore it, but at the back of my mind I still wonder if they're pro hamas. it would be nice if they at least condemned oct 7, but it's always after that they post about palestine.

would it be acceptable if I just ignored the artist and enjoy the art? can you still enjoy art made by pro-pal or antisemites?

I also start to wonder if i'll still like art and fandom creators from china if it attacks taiwan where i'm from. also how the western left turned their back on ukraine and celebrated hamas terrorism on israel just makes me despair and think, would they blame us if china attacked, call us usa puppets? it once felt so ridiculous but now i can actually see it. i know he was fringe but there was some european politician that said taiwan's election results were us manipulations and the sheer fuck upness of that is just.

sorry for the long post you can ignore it, just wanted to ramble and your blog feels so cool, your humor is how I chill down from hating hamas fans and remember to not become an islamophobe or sinophobe when I know it does me no good and i can't do anything anyway but i'm to scared to post politics in my blog. if you take the time to read this, so that it won't be a complete waste of your time, please also add a donation site for jews you like that uses credit or visa instead of paypal, it probably can't be much but I will donate what I can. thank you so much for reading this

Ur so kind anon ty for sharing ur feelings with me. Personally I do consume media from ppl who think my death would solve all world problems, but thats mostly because I treat artists the same way I treat my mechanic or electrician - they make ha ha funny product or oooh pretty song product, and that is what I consume. I don't care if they say X or Y because I know they have no clue what they're talking about, so getting mad at them feels to me like getting mad at a child for saying or doing something retarded. It's not really "separating the art from the artist" but more akin to "separating the artist from all expectations of niche intelligence" lmao. I also know that if I started boycotting every idiot out there I'd be left with almost nothing to enjoy, so going "ill listen to ur song despite knowing ur an idiot" is very easy for me.

As for donations - idk of anything related to the diaspora, and donations for Israeli organization as far as I know don't have an international audience? Maybe some of my followers can recommend something. Thank you for ur ask and I hope u keep enjoying my nasty little blog, and that West TaiwanTM never attacks you ever ever (but if it will know that I will root for u and never support Xinnie the Pooh may God curse his name) <3

#israel #palestine

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sparkling-pink-lemonade · 8 months

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Got an ignorant hate comment. Felt it deserved it's own post. It's a long one, and technically isn't doing anything productive as I blocked the person. I just like yelling into the void. Mind the tags.

1) You're funny. I'm agnostic, and wasn't even raised christian. It's like an atheist saying "Oh my god" (this can't be real/that's ridiculous) or "God save me" (I'm doomed). "My brother in Christ", what would normally be a term of endearment and familiarity in a christian setting becomes very condescending and 'holier than thou' if said to any non christian (not just jews). Because of that, outside of a christian setting, it's now a term of sarcasm and mockery to point out someone's stupidity and ignorance. So the fact you jumped into a defensive standpoint, calling someone you know nothing about antisemitic over a post that wasn't even directed at you, tells me a lot more about your insecurities.

2) Yes, you're right! It is perfectly reasonable to not WANT people with an involuntary attraction to real life children to INTERACT with your work. But let me lay out a few things. Stop using that word, it does not mean what you think it means. Being attracted to fictional characters depicted as kids in a form of media that is (at least in a non indie setting) designed, and written by a team of adults, fudging up the looks and behaviors of their characters compared to reality to be more appealing to a wide demographic, is not pedophilia. Pedophilia is a mental disorder, where an attraction to children who can't consent is causing direct harm to yourself or those around you in your day to day life. This usually presents itself as crippling distress for the person with the disorder due to their intrusive thoughts, and fear of losing your friends and family should they find out about your disorder. By calling an attraction to fictional character depicted as children "pedophilia" you are doing what's called pedojacketing. Which is a false accusation against someone in attempt to rally others by appealing to their disgust to ruin the life of another person. It causes major harm by both trivializing a serious and often debilitating mental illness into a "voluntary perversion", while also trivializing the seriousness of child predator allegations by equating the sexual abuse of real, breathing children, to that of fictional story that never happened. Most predators aren't even pedophiles, they are attracted to the power imbalance and control, not the kid itself. But that's not what proship is, it's an ideology that people should be allowed to have their own space to enjoy whatever fiction they want without harassment or censorship. And guess what, that doesn't mean we aren't entitled to your space. If our ideology makes you uncomfortable, it's your right to block us and keep us from interacting with your art.

But get this, consuming and interacting are two completely different things. Consuming means you've looked at a piece of art, you watched a video, read a piece of literature, or played a video game. The moment you post something to the public, and not somewhere with restricted access, you forfeit all right to decide who can consume your media. AO3 is a public website, even if you choose the lovely option of only showing your work to people who are logged in (which anyone can get an account), you can't then decide who is allowed to view your work. When you post media publicly, it is impossible to discern every single person who has consumed your work. At best a site may have a "views" counter, or in AO3's case, hits, but it will always remain anonymous. As such, if you don't like the idea of a proshipper consuming your work, congrats, you will never have to know.

Interacting however means that you've consumed a piece of media, and are now making a public display about your consumption where the creator can see it, that individualizes them from the rest of the crowd. A comment, a post, if the media has a non-anonymous "like" function, or non-anonymous subscription/follow function. Most people are sane, and don't go out of their way to do background checks on every single person that interacted with their work. But if it comes to your attention that someone who makes your uncomfortable is interacting with your work where you can see it, then you have the tools to make it so you'll never be able to see or hear from them again. They will still be able to consume your public work, but now you've curated your personal experience.

But if you're so paranoid and disgusted by the idea that someone you find icky or gross might be able to consume your content without your consent, then you have to take responsibility for your own experiencing it and revoke your consent from the wider public by removing your content from a public platform.

This person was deluding themself into believing that consumption was the same thing as interaction and that the existence of a dni means it was the public's responsibility to regulate their online experience for them, and was getting upset at the realization that they can't regulate a public space the same way as a private one, and that people they don't like will be able to see their public work even if they will never know about it.

#proship #anti mention #antisemitism mention #tw pedojacketing #pro para #anti purity culture #tw antiship #antis being antis #anti harassment #anti censorship #profic #fiction freedom #mental health discrimination #religion mention #long post #ship discourse #rant #vent

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dorianwolfforest · 4 months

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So I was given this response by a dev about the AI thing who I have since blocked, primarily for what I'm about to talk about in this post.

I want to talk about your right to absolutely be critical, mean, negative and angry about star stable online if you want to, and why that in no way, shape, or form is "harassment".

There's this saying in bookworld, "no authors in review spaces, reviews are for readers". Its intention is to say that, no matter how much you as an author want to know how people are reacting to your book, you do not go chasing down reviews because they're not meant as a learning opportunity for you, they're meant to let others know more about your product. You do not watch videos reviewing your book. You do not read through your goodreads. You do not intentionally seek out the two or one star reviews. You are, however, encouraged to find a friend who can look through the reviews for you, find positive or constructive ones, and give them to you.

If you want to learn how to improve for your next book, you make use of the beta readers. You make use of the sensitivity readers. You make use of the editors. There is nothing a review can say that will help you, because the book the review belongs to has already been written.

In a similar vein, I do not believe developers should involve themselves in fandom spaces. Yes, I will be overjoyed at an Ismael tweet, because that is Ismael's own space. That's his world. That's his presence, he's allowed to exist online if he wants to and Ismael is still allowed to talk about SSO on his account like how authors are allowed to talk about their books, because he does not go chasing down sso neg about his own work, the server upkeep. I, as the "reviewer", do not go into his tweet replies and let him know how much I hate the most recent quests or how bad a horse breed is (much like how I, if I don't like a book, don't go on twitter and tag the author to tell them that their book sucks). I save that for my space, the reviewer space. SSOblr, in this instance.

In our own space, as reviewers, we are allowed to be critical and negative about the product we consume, because we understand that it's about the work, not the people behind it. In many instances, we don't even know who the person behind what we're critiquing is. There is also the assumption, the hope, that the person will never see it, because developers, like authors, shouldn't hunt down reviews of their work, and if they do find something that is critical, it should be a standard that they either ignore it, or read it but don't respond to it.

We've had a grown woman on this platform beef with and publicly call out a teenager for expressing the opinion that the quests she made weren't good, with the justification that the review was "hurtful". Plenty of reviews have the potential to be hurtful, it comes with the profession. That's why you don't read them. Even then, no one who expresses critical thoughts does so specifically to upset or hurt the person behind the work, far from it. That's why we stick to our tiny individual corners of the internet and don't chase you down to tell you our opinion.

Within Star Stable Entertainment, the friends an author might use to collect positive and constructive reviews are your support team (which, unfortunately, isn't all that great. Hooray for being told to overlook antisemitism) and social media accounts. All you need to know about how people react to you and your work should be filtered through them.

If the person who used AI art feels targeted and harassed, that is on them. We didn't know it was even one single person who did it, you as a company singled them out to us so that we'd stop blaming you as a whole. Furthermore we don't know who it is, we physically cannot harass them. Who do we tag? who do we send messages to in order to harass them? No one. They would need to go on SSOblr and look through the tag after a massive controversy caused by them, purposefully searching for outrage. That's not on us.

You are fully within your right to have public opinions about the content you consume, and if a developer oversteps the creator/reviewer boundary you are not the one who should be apologizing.

#sso #ssoblr

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drbased · 5 months

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A typical healthy consciousness wants two things: firstly, it wants to be viewed as a complete whole, separate from outside influence and fully responsible for everything it does; secondly, it wants the freedom to be able to completely dismiss certain behaviours as not part of the whole under the guise of 'I don't know what came over me!' 'I just lost control' 'I don't know why I did that' etc.

We see this in other people all the time: we all have a friend who insists their relationship problems are never their fault, or a relative who swiftly changes the subject when you bring up their wine-drinking habit. Everyone wants the safety net: I am always me, untouchable and knowable only to me, apart from when I do things that are totally unknowable to me. You see this phenomenon play out in the response to statistics: advertisement is a bajillion-dollar industry which shows that people do respond (like sheeple, if you will) to stimulus and buy the things they're advertised. But every single person, myself included, secretly thinks of themselves as a pure individual, who makes rational decisions and is unaffected by pathetic things such as pictures and words. But if someone has a subconscious personal ulterior motive for consuming certain products, say as the result of an addiction, that motivation stays unknown to them - and it's evident that they very much want it that way.

These two facets are as contradictory as they are complimentary, as are many aspects of this convoluted tangle of concepts we call the 'self'. It is these two facets that make things like advertising work - people have to arrogantly believe that they're responsible for every single one of their behaviours - but the moment you point this out to them and that their spending habits are damaging to them and they should take responsibility for their actions, suddenly you're the bad guy, because you've broken this very important psychological illusion. In fact, one might say that this is the primary illusion that makes up the self as we know it: too much awareness and the person is trapped forever in an existential terror, unable to make any decision because the weight of responsibility is too much; and too little awareness means you may as well be an animal driven by pure instinct. So the psyche constantly walks a tightrope between 'I am me and always accountable for my actions' and 'but I'm not accountable for this action because I don't like what it would say about me if I was'.

A huge social faux pas that leftism enacts is that it removes the safety net of 'I'm not accountable for this action/thought/belief' and instead cuts right through this fundamental illusion of the psyche. Historically, your average apolitical person could be safe in the knowledge that because they've categorised themselves as not racist, any racist jokes they say are not a product of racism, but rather lighthearted fun. They want to be judged on the 'content of their character' and they want the content of their character to be what they've decided, and the only thing they want to be held accountable for. But when you point out that making racist jokes is something that someone of their particular background does, and is typically done to achieve a certain affect, therefore their behaviour fits into a statistical pattern that says something about themselves from an external perspective - something about themselves that they don't like the sound of - they, uhh, really don't like you doing that. No one does, because you've smashed through the illusion that they're making conscious choices from their isolated brain; what you've done is you've observed their precious individuality and put it into a standardised pattern of behaviour. You've, in essence, told them who they are.

And you're probably right: patterns of behaviour, both within one person's lifetime and across populations, tell us a lot more about a person, their intentions and reasoning, than what they will ever want to admit about themselves. Unfortunately, in the case of politics, you can't really get past this hurdle. You have to make the awkward leap of telling people who they are, and pray and hope for the best that the discomfort they feel leads them to try to change their behaviour. But I believe that this is why you can't really change people in a one-on-one argument. You try telling someone something as simple and basic as this: 'the reason why you have a sudden mysterious urge to go the corner shop every tuesday at 7pm is because your husband brings his friend Bill over, and you really can't stand Bill' - they're going to immediately brush you off, and next tuesday at 7pm they'll be musing once again 'I always fancy going on a walk then, I don't know why!' and you'll want to bang your head against the wall in frustration.

On the more extreme end, it's very common for addicts to come out the other side and realise that they never healed their relationship with their parents, for example; but if you saw that connection at the height of their addiction, would you be able to tell them that? Oh, hell no: in fact, you might even say that this illusion is exactly what enables addiction so effectively within the human mind. The famous adage 'I can stop whenever I want' comes to mind - the person has to believe that their choices are a conscious reflection of their pure, untouched individual personhood. And this spans the entire gamut of human experience, from the cigarette-on-your-work-break to your political leanings, as influenced by your relative levels of privilege.

So, does this mean we're doomed to never change people, politically speaking? Well, I don't really know. On the one hand, society at large has seemingly managed to grasp the concept of behaviours as a result of inherent privilege, not conscious choice. But there's much evidence to suggest a huge, monumental backlash; the right-wing, who have historically clung to this idea that they have this safety net of merely believing they're good people, have now pivoted into a near-neurotic response to this cultural shift. Now, being good needs to be reflected in doing good; merely meaning good doesn't carry so much social capital - and this is something the right-wing completely lost their minds about, to the point where things such as wearing a mask in the pandemic were 'politicised'. The right-wing have always leaned heavily into the nebulous concepts of 'freedom' and 'individuality', essentially signalling to this exact paradoxical illusion of the self: after all, freedom and individuality are concepts that do not and cannot make coherent sense, but are useful safety nets to ensure a perception of onesself as necessarily untouched by 'outside forces'.

Meanwhile, the politics of the mainstream left have been gradually distorted to pay lipservice to the idea of doing good through certain stock phrases, sharing on social media etc., but a comfortable space is being carved out for that same 'need' of plausible deniability within the self. 'Social justice' language that traditionally held the self accountable for unsavoury behaviours driven by forces other than 'conscious choice' has been gradually pivoting to achieve the exact opposite aim of what it was originally used for. The concept of privilege is being slapped on scapegoats, used to legitimise their demonisation - meanwhile those who have the exact same privilege are able to dodge criticism for 'being wholesome'/'being unproblematic' in some nebulous manner (usually by sticking to those stock phrases, following cultural norms/expectations and generally staying out of the limelight, especially if they're women).

Additionally, certain privileges have been given less political/moral weight than others, allowing for people to evade any and all accountability by nature of them belonging to certain oppressed groups - and having that negate their problematic behaviour as a member of an oppressor group. The most nebulous and meaningless privileges have been fast and widely adopted, especially as they allow the person to completely avoid any accusations of 'classic x group behaviour'. In fact, huge swathes of 'classic x group behaviour' are being rapidly done away with.

The core fabric of the leftist argument, the one thing that held a mirror to society and said 'what you actually do says things about you whether you like it or not' are being rapidly unravelled. Is this a sign that this paradox of the psyche is so fundamental to the formation and perserverance of the self that any attempts to shatter the illusion are quickly patched up and explained away? Is this illusion truly necessary for a healthy psyche, or just a typical one? Can we live in a world where everyone humbly admits to the kind of things they would admit in therapy, but on a daily basis? Is this version of the psyche merely a stage in collective human development, and can we grow beyond this? And, more importantly, can we do so in time?

#my writing #theory posting

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suffering-frombrain-rot · 10 months

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Obey me brothers + crew watching MC do a diamond painting

I've never done a post like this before, let alone anything for this fandom, but I'm doing a diamond painting myself, and these boys decided to rotate in my brain while doing so. I hope ya'll enjoy this crack post!

Lucifer

-he thinks it's an interesting concept

-he likes checking in on your progress as you place the tiny gems on the right spaces

-far too tedious and time consuming for him to do

- if he ever had a break, then he'd maybe like to try it out with you

-he'd let you work on it in his office while he works as long as you SWEAR you wont make a mess with the gems

-if you do happen to spill some, he'll make sure you pick up every last one, double and triple check that they're all accounted for

-if you give it to him, hed definitely frame it and put it either in a hallway or in his room

Mammon

-he thinks its dumb, why would you spend so much time doing something like that when you could just get a premade one or the same image without the gems?

-he loves watching you do it, he'll say all that to your face, but we all know he'd wanna watch you the whole time

-gets exited when you send him updates, but he'll just respond with a "nice" or something

-he'd wanna try it out with you so you get him one of his own

-he spills the crystals all over the sticky part on accident

-doesn't know how the tools work, he'd also put them on upside down on accident

-he'd frame your finished one and hang it above his bed~

-he's never letting his see the light of day

Leviathan

-he'd play lots of puzzle games, so he sees the appeal in doing something like that

-it's said in a group chat, idk what it was called, but he likes to be able to be in a room with a person and do two completely different things, he doesn't need constant communication or even doing the same thing as the person really to be happy in their presence

-so I'd like to imagine he'd love having you work on your project on the floor of his room while he plays a game or watches a anime

-he'd occasionally check up on you to see your progress!

-maybe he'd order his own of Hana Ruri off Akuzan to work on with you the next time you bring it over to his room

-I don't think he'd hang it anywhere if you offered to give it to him, boy has too many posters on his wall anyways

-he'd say that you worked too hard on it to give it away to someone so quickly

Satan

-my true love <3

-anyways

-Satan is an art enthusiast and gives me a 'try anything and everything' type of vibe

-he'd want to do one with you, he'd make a date of it and everything

-get him a cat one PLEASE!!!

-he'd probably also like one of the starry night, but cats are the top priority 👌

-he'd start to get a bit impatient over time, and a little frustrated if he makes a mistake or spills the gems everywhere

-but he has you with him, so he can easily laugh it off and go back to working on it

-especially if you're enjoying doing it with him, that's the most important part!

-he'd probably want to trade with you once you both finish with them!

Asmodeous

-Also very artistic, like Satan

-he'd comment on how you're doing

"Wow! Your hands are so steady~"

"You have such a nice concentration face!"

-all the compliments might get frustrating if you're trying to focus, but it's okay because you love him

-he'd get one to do with you once you finish your first one, he'd love the closeness of working on such a long project with you

-he is very VERY good at the placement of every gem, he does nails and makeup as well as art occasionally so it is only natural

-he wants it to be perfect

-definitely posting work in progress pics on Devilgram

-takes pics of you working for himself~ he loves the candid shots

-and of course posts the final products together once ya'll finish

-he'd let you hold onto the one you did together so you can look at it and think of him~

Beelzebub

-he'd try to eat it

-it looks like little candies

-candy goes in his mouth

-simple math

-but seriously, make sure he's not gonna eat it if you do one of these around him

-he'd try his hardest to help you out if you ask, but I don't think he has the hand-eye coordination

-like Levi, I think he'd like to watch you in silence as you work on it

-maybe do some workouts while you work?

-he'd probably want to hang it on the fridge since that's where he is a lot of the time, and the others can look at it when they're in the kitchen :)

Belphegor

-Belhpie probably wouldn't care all that much

-he'd think it's pretty, but watching you work on it is putting him to sleep

-he'd probably also want to help you with it, just so it doesn't take you too long

-he can just tell that working on it hurts your back from being hunched over for too long

-go lay down with him, it'd be much nicer, he could rub your back as you both fall asleep

-there's always tomorrow to work on it

-he'd wanna show your work to Beel once it's done

-hed also wanna hang it on one of the walls on his side of the room

Diavolo

-LET HIM DO ONE TOO

-PLEASE

-IT LOOKS LIKE SO MUCH FUN!

-he'd watch you do it, then try to learn the best ways to do one himself

-(may be projecting a little here) he wouldnt know that you could place more than one at a time

-gets well over a quarter or so of the way through before realizing the long thing at the end of the pen you can use to place multiple down at once

-he feels silly but that's okay because hes having fun!

-he'd get one for Barbs too so the three of you could work on it together during any free time you have

-Puts too much pressure while going to pick up the gems and spills them all over out of the tray

-you help him clean them up every time, and you frequently have to use tweezers to take the gems off of the spaces of the picture they spilled on

-even if it's a messy process, you both have lots of fun making them

-he'd put it on his desk in a frame if you gave him yours

-you probably gave it to him as compensation for his messed up one

-shows it off every chance he gets

Barbatos

-if he sees that you're struggling with your project, he'd take over for a bit to show you the best way to do it

-he's like an annoying art teacher that keeps correcting your project when you didn't ask for it

-it's fine though, just tell him you don't need help and he'll respectfully leave you to your work

-he'd make you tea and snacks while you work if you're someone like me who gets too absorbed in your work to take a break

-also would massage your shoulders while idly talking with you about whatever topics your conversation leads

-he'd organize the bags of gems for you, makes sure everything is neat and tidy weather or not you ask for it

-if you wanted to give it to him, he'd happily set it up somewhere visible in the castle

Simeon

-Ugh!

-he'd love watching you work on it!

-he thinks its so pretty how it comes together and becomes so vibrant!

-he'd go and get several to bring up to the celestial realm

-he'd love working on them outside in the light of the celestial realm because of how shiny they are!

-he'd definitely hide things from you just to mess with you

-you need a certain color? Simeon has it in his pocket

-you set your tool down to do something else? He's grabbed it

-will give it back if you kiss him~ he promises <3

-he'd cherish it forever if you gave it to him when you're done!

Solomon

-he'd use magic to mess with you

-inverting the colors, making the colors the same, placing them on the spots for you with magic

-TELL HIM TO STOP

-the fossil has no right

-anyways hes like Simeon with the prank pulling

-he'd stop once you tell him and will revert the changes, then would go back to watching you peacefully as you work

-would be so so happy if you gave it to him, he'd brag to the others that you gave him such a personal and intricate gift

-he's gonna get killed by the others some way or anthother

-but that's fine

-he loves toying with death

#obey me #obey me shall we date #omswd #omnb #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me mc #obey me brothers

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jovenshires · 4 months

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lowkey kinda frustrated by the lack of transparency from smosh idk if this is a common thing for all online content groups but this is personally jarring for me as someone who also is also a dropout fan :///

i totally get that. i've been a fan of smosh for like... six-ish years now so frankly im kind of used to their lack of addressing things atp. that isn't to say it's a good thing or even an excusable thing - im just saying it's something i've learned to live with.

i think it's easy to forget that smosh is a company. at the end of the day they are making decisions that they think are best for their business, what will make them the best monetary gain and what will keep the most viewers in their pocket. i can't say that i particularly agree with all of those decisions, but i also can't say that we as the fans should be allowed to dictate what they do. especially (and i say this knowing my perception personally revolves around the small subset of us here on smoshblr) when the fan base calling for transparency and accountability is a minority. as loud as smoshblr and smoshtwt seem, there are 26.5 million subscribers to smosh (and that's just the main channel - 46 million between the main three channels), most of whom aren't even aware of any of the things they're not taking accountability for. i've seen this happen with countless youtubers and online groups i've been a fan of. i won't name-drop them, but people often do what's best for their brand, not what's morally right. it's a hard thing to come to terms with, but we are just viewers consuming a product. they get to decide what to do with that product; we get to decide whether or not we consume it.

not to mention, it is a company run by real people. people whose relationships and friendships impact their choices. they may not address certain things and they may sweep things under the rug to protect people they care about. once again, i'm not saying whether this is morally good or bad or that it's okay (it's not), i'm just saying that it is a factor that they probably take into account.

now, once again, none of this is an excuse. i'm not going to say that smosh is the pinnacle, end-all, be-all of upstanding companies or that they shouldn't be transparent or that we should stop trying to ask for some semblance of change. this is a well-earned critique at this point. even with everything going on right now, this is not the first time (and i'm sure it won't be the last time either) that smosh has simply avoided addressing controversy. there used to be a master post that i had pinned to the top of my page of all the issues with smosh and who was addressing what and lemme tell you, it wasn't great. i've seen companies much more graceful and overall better at handling their messes. dropout is a great example, and try guys and starkid both come to mind as well. hell, even ogsog has been way better than smosh at this, and they spawned from them. this is a very real problem with smosh as a company and i totally understand frustration and disappointment. i'm with you, trust me.

i think this is something we all have to recognize, contend with, and then draw our own lines in the sand for. we can't dictate what the entire fandom does, and we definitely can't dictate what smosh does, as much as we may want to. all we can do is keep attempting to hold them accountable for their actions and deciding what we can and cannot abide by.

tl;dr: i think that's a very fair critique. i'm frustrated too. i hear you <3

#discourse #long post #lovingly to you all this is Not an invitation for discussion you know i hate being the discourse blog but. it's worth putting out there.#oh and buckle up this isn't even the only discourse i have in my askbox today #ask #asks #anon #anonymous

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yannaryartside · 8 months

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I want Carmy to have a best friend.

Besides Sydney.

I have been trying to find this gif, but there is a moment in 2x08 when Carmy is talking to Sydney about where to buy some product. He mentioned, "Yeah, my buddy from high school, he is running an Ibero account," and I went: "bitch you lying. Weren't you a total loner in high school?" he probably just wanted to sound better than say, "yeah this guy I know from high school" maybe to pretend to be more "normal." There are multiple scenes that could be evidence of Carmen having not friends at all growing up, not closed ones anyway:

In 1x04, when Cicero is describing his friendship with Carmy's dad, Cicero says, "We had the same problems at the same age, so we had a lot to talk about," and Carmy says, "That sounds nice," like he had never had a person like that in his life. In 2x05, Carmy says, "You always had so many friends, I don't know, I really wanted that." There is a pause here, his eyes moving because it's a big confession, before trying to continue the conversation and saying, "Mickey had that," to top it all, he mentions in his monologue that he thought Mickey was his best friend. After all, Mickey is the one person who knew him best, despite how little Carmy knew about Mickey. Here is the thing: Carmy still doesn't have any friends. Richie is not a friend. He is more like an older brother, somebody that can scold him. They are not equals. Most of the figures in Carmy's life are authority figures/relatives.

You may argue that Sydney is his friend, and she is, but he hasn't referred to her as his "partner" (business) yet, and I think there may be something behind it. His trauma dumps on her; he shares a passion for cooking with her, but they are not there yet on the emotional stuff. I know they are going to star calling each other friend, or best friend, in future seasons as their relationship grows, but I do not want that responsibility to rely completely on Sydney's shoulder; she is going to be "his person," but I think it may be healthy for Carmy to get a friend that he can talk to besides her, maybe somebody that he can relate to in the things he cannot relate to Sydney. So he can get perspective on things, and find confidence in his value as a "friend" or learn to be a good friend to begin with, to trust deeply on someone. On that note, while consuming fiction, people get this feeling when they see a loner/isolated archetype fall in love with their best friend because he is the "only person who gets them," like some codependency stuff. This will not be the case for Syd and Carmy because he was attracted to her even before they started to connect.

I think Marcus and Carmy don't have that chemistry yet; if there was a chance of them becoming more friends than acquaintances, it would have shown already. This was one of the reasons I was excited to see the new staff, to see if Carmy could get a friend that way. I honestly want Sydney to get some friends too. We don't know much about the staff yet, and there is a position open since they fired that guy.

So here is my wish list: I want somebody Carmy can think of as an equal (not necessarily in the cooking world), but somebody of the same age and preferably with similar issues. Maybe somebody who has tragically lost a dear one or somebody who is in the program (not an addict, that probably would not work, but somebody from a family of addicts). And I want them to have similar interests, like fashion, art, and other stuff. This comes from a person who was really depressed in high school and only started to recognize my own destructive patterns when, one summer, I met my best friend, who was also very wounded and depressed. I had an abusive father, and her classmates harassed her. You see my point here. We held each other through some very dark times. I want that for Carmy, especially when his relationship with Richie (and maybe Sydney) is complicated in what could be arguably the darkest moment in Carmy's life. "The more people I cut out, the quieter my life got," I think he is going there again. That being said, can I suggest somebody? (this is totally a fanfic scenario that I am starting to write to fight writer's block, but here we go).

Listen to me, I know. You don't have to tell me to get over this man. I am currently re-reading Six of Crows as I do once a year.

But here is the idea of the fic. This is Nikola. He is from a russian family (politically persecuted refugees back in the '80s). Ten months before the time of the series, Nikola's father killed somebody in a liquor-induced rage, the victim being the man Nikola's mother was having an affair with. How did the father figure it out? Nikola told him, hoping they could divorce and his father could live with dignity. To make matters worse, Nikola is a lawyer, but after trying to represent his dad, he has a sense of guilt related to his profession, for reasons I explain on the fic. So he tries a new career trying to figure out who he is after this mess, running away from all ot it, and he decides to be a cook, he gets good at the quick stuff (a comi) and the first scene is Carmy hiring him personally (because he wanted to give Sydney a break). Nikola's nickname is "Fox," he is quiet for the most part, serious, and looks perpetually confused and amused by Richie and Fak's shenanigans. Carmy and Nikola start talking about the program for families of alchoholics, and because of Carmy, Nikola goes to his first meeting.

Let me know what you think.

#finding fictional scenarios where characters I find attractive and interesting can become friends and talk about trauma #but seriously Carmy needs friends #carmy berzatto #the bear fx #sydcarmy #the bear #sydney adamu #carmy the bear #carmy x sydney

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tenpintsof-sundrop · 1 month

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Okay I stumbled upon your blog and took the time to read your responses to those asks about interaction and comments and overall feedback and I get what you mean but also I think as writers we shouldn’t expect much from readers (much as in the comments you say you’d like to get) If you want those kind of comments very detailed about something on your story you could try beta readers (multiple). That way you’ll satisfy that need of comment and detailed feedback from more than just one person.

Fanfiction is not that serious for readers, unless it’s another writer who read your story and knows what it’s like to craft a story. Even then, not many writers read fanfiction (from what I’ve noticed) so you won’t get very detailed comments from someone who’s here for fun and not to study a story.

If you write just for the feedback I fear you’re posting on the wrong platform

"Fanfiction is not that serious for readers"

That is the problem. That is the problem.

Like I totally get if you read fics casually, it's a once and a while thing for you - then don't feel obligated to leave a comment. Cool. If you read fanfiction before you go to sleep and you are sleepy-eyed at 3am - you don't have to leave a comment. Go the fuck to sleep.

But if fanfiction is your main source of entertainment and you read 5 fics a day, 10 fics a day, 20 fics a day (or if you read 100k fics often) - if you go back and re-read fics, if you download fics - that is a serious hobby. Even if you don't write, even if you don't think that take it 'seriously' - that is a serious hobby. And don't you think that you should forge a relationship with the person or people who have provided you with all these amazing stories - find some way to thank them and especially - fuel their creative process?

Like this isn't a fucking trick. If you discuss fics with writers, it will fuel their creative process and make them wanna write more fics. IT'S NOT A TRAP. IT B E N E F I T S YOU AS A FIC READER.

But also, a huge chunk of the problem is that I get very passive-aggressive comments or comments that feel like the person talking to themselves (like they are writing a personal meme blog text post in my comments section) - and people don't realize that writing a comment on a fic means that it comes up in my notifications. And then I am forced to read it with my eyes.

People saying that they are going to hell for reading my fic, or that my fanfiction is 'gross and horrible' (morally), or complaining that it's incomplete when I have a clearly outlined post schedule, people bashing the entire x reader genre right in front of my very eyes, people calling my main character stupid - the list goes on.

The minute you act like fanfiction is a product to be consumed is the minute you let yourself forget that there is a real human being reading all of your comments - it's not a fucking robot that your comments are being sent to, it's not some big account that receives 1000s of comments a day and will never see what you wrote. A person is behind that fic.

Also, just in general, I am not begging for comments or an increase in (quality) comments on fanfiction for me specifically. I am trying to improve the environment for all fanfiction writers because readers don't take it seriously. (I am not asking people to treat this like a fucking courtroom or something, I am just asking people to realize that fanfic writers are human beings. Please.) Readers do not acknowledge that fanfiction is a labor of love that the writer has worked hard on - and more people need to fucking acknowledge that, flat out.

I have made this comparison before, but people act like fanfiction is a mass produced candy like M&Ms - something that is made by the millions in a factory that should be gobbled up quickly because it's so easy to make. When fanfiction is a hand-pulled taffy - an art that takes years to perfect, and should be appreciated - the final product, and the process.

Yeah, I could get what I want or need out of a beta reader (though, imo, beta readers exist to critique fanfiction while it is still in the process of being written, and I am asking for a bit of feedback and interaction on fics that are already finished and polished as a little mental crumb of a treat for all the work I have done) - but that is like saying that if I want comments to change, I should just stop posting my fics and only send them to 3 or 4 people privately in DMs instead. Which is something I could do. But when I do that, it's when I have truly given up on the fanfiction community as a whole.

(And I'm not asking for 'detailed' feedback. I am just asking for one sentence that isn't passive aggressive and is about the plot of the fic. One sentence <3)

#do I need to bring up tiktok again #because it's the fucking tiktok behavior #we never had these problems before fandom was on tiktok #anonymous #fandom #fanfiction #discussion #sundrop answers

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