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#then some general normal Every Day BS happened at work and I just had to dip I almost walked off the job no word to my sups
gandreida · 3 months
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hheeeuuurrgghppbbtttt
#my dad messaged me today sayin’ he hopes to see me soon and it honestly ruined my day luke#like please leave me alone ://////#then some general normal Every Day BS happened at work and I just had to dip I almost walked off the job no word to my sups#Just makes me think of my mom which#i feel more justified after it I guess ‘cause she’s the one who allegedly approves the messages her husband sent me when we had our fight#tbh life is better w/o her messaging me daily like I spent basically all of 2023#wanting to cut her off and she gave me even the lightest reason to do it so i did and it’s been nice#the pointless guilt I felt for not wanting to see my family has turned into general resentment and annoyance#i don’t even miss her or him like I straight up just don’t want to see my blood relatives they’re not family to me they’re just people#i happen to share genes with like if you really wanted to build a relationship with the person#you forced into this stupid world then maybe you shouldn’t have been such insufferable assholes for the first 18 years#i spent most of my conversations with them over the phone last year basically just saying life sucks and that i want to kill myself#I need them to feel bad for conceiving me i need them to regret it#my cousin Aaron has the right idea tbh like last I heard he wasn’t talking to my uncle or anyone w/ blood relations really#following in his footsteps. I legit just got so full of rage and frustration when my dad messaged me it’s been like 3 weeks since we spoke#it was so obvious that I didn’t like my mom growing up everyone knew it and berated me for it like how am i supposed to accept that?#How am I supposed to take the hate and anger she exhibit and put out there in that unhappy home#and turn the hate and anger her and her family felt towards me for not loving her#and turn that into love? How am I supposed to turn unending anger and hatred and bitterness and just be like ‘yeah i love you’#I love my parents in the sense that I am familiar w/ them and they have had a constant presence in my life up this point and when I was like#8y/o I had some pretty good times w/ my dad that were DIRECTLY related to my mom being out of the house#my mom was just so abusive to that man for 20+ years#and he took the love I had for him and made me hate him by just shoving jesus down my throat#We used to have CONVERSATIONS he & I but then he got his head stuck so far up his ass that he couldn’t see#how he was just ruining everything. Me: Hey so this thing thats goin on?#him: haha yeah that thing thats been goin on!! You know what tho#[starts pitching JC to me again]#that was all I could get from him from 12-18/19#he killed whatever relationship we had together and now it’s a decade later and I have no interest in talking to him#I don’t care to try and rebuild. I don’t want to rebuild anything with him I don’t want him to want that either
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damnfandomproblems · 5 months
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735268800396656640 I'd like to add my 2c to this, because I have seen it a lot, and I have some theories.
The rate of people faking (and really believing they have) DID seems to have totally skyrocketed during the pandemic, and mainly among people under 18. Though I've seen it in people as old as 40! And I think there were a combination of factors at play. The first was the ease at which Tiktok videos can be consumed and even come off as suggestible to people. I've seen videos of kids sitting in front of a television reiterating very specific "tics" (better called tic-like behaviours) because they found a famous person with Tourette's and their brains started mirroring it.
The second was the lack of support systems for kids during COVID, which left them to their own devices online, often in spaces designed to garner views without any accountability or control over scientific accuracy. The lack of support systems also meant that during COVID, a lot of kids were trapped at home in abusive environments, and were, actually, being traumatized. They were experiencing real effects of trauma, like dissociation, maladaptive daydreaming, even viciously trying to imagine themselves as certain characters in the hopes if they tried hard enough, it would change reality and they would actually become that character (talking from experience here. I had a rough few years as a kid!). But because of Tiktok, they ran into people who were suggesting if they dissociated in any form, they could have DID. Then they watched another video like this, and another video. After enough times, it just becomes normal, and you start to accept it. There's a similar process to how cults work, they purposefully inundate people with BS over and over until the person just accepts it one day, except in this case it's not so intentional, just a sick accident. When this combines with the real trauma-induced escapism needs, you get kids of 15-16 thinking they have DID, when really it's more like complex PTSD or depersonalization/derealization disorder.
But on top of this, during COVID, a lot of kids didn't have the crucial opportunity to socialize with other people. They don't know about code switching. They don't know how people act, for instance, in a customer service job versus school around their friends, versus at home. Maybe they remember from previous years, but it becomes harder and harder to see it as a tangible reality after a long enough time. So they think the different moods, bubbliness, etc depending on their company isn't just normal behaviour, but actually some kind of pathology. This seems to be "corroborated" by all the videos they see online, all the people they see in servers.
Hence, we now have a young generation of people growing up believing they have an incredibly rare disorder, while simultaneously saying insanity like "I have 2,000 personality states", and somehow getting new personality states every week as a new show comes out, when DID mainly happens if someone experiences severe, EXTREME (unthinkable) ongoing trauma when they are very, very young. Not when someone is 15 or 16. You have lists of hundreds, if not thousands, of labels, and even a wiki made by people like this. And it's all over the place in fandom because, well, fandom is an escape for people. Characters are comforting. It gets very close to the heart of whatever trauma these people have gone through. Of course it's impossible to point this out, because some of those made-up labels include pejoratives that try to equate "being aware that someone is not actually suffering from DID" to being bigoted. It's anti-intellectual and effectively, again like how a cult works, cuts off the people in the group from any unbiased feedback, and it keeps them from healing.
I'm genuinely worried.
This is a response to this previous ask.
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somuchyoudontknow · 10 months
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Since the fandom is being generalized …..let’s generalize Chris.
He’s a white, privileged male celeb who gets by on his looks and lives in a privileged bubble but likes to act and pretend he’s not like the rest. He likes to seem that he’s knowledgeable of various things but it’s all because he’s at a place many humans will never see nor live.
Imagine posting a simplistic tweet about world events and millions kiss your ass like you’ve just cured cancer. Celebs get their asses kissed left to right but fans are the issue?
How about you grow the fuck up and man up Evans. How about choosing better women to romance. How about realizing the various privileges you have and how they’ve stunted your growth.
Ugh it pisses me off because you have these rich and famous entitled idiots whining because strangers are being mean and calling out their bullshit, while they cry in their million dollar homes and not once taking the time to see things from the perspective of the general public nor their fans. There are those in this fandom who’ve spent YEARS supporting his ass AND had to go into their budgets multiple times just to see if they could afford to watch ones of his movies at the theaters or on a streaming service.
The reason I even have Apple + is because of Defending Jacob which I solely watched because of HIM!!!!
Chris can sit home and believe the bs woe is me thought that celebs have it heard because millions critique their every move. You’d think you’d learn to move better or be inspired to be a better human since all eyes are on you. Many bitch and moan about wanting to be “normal” while most of them found their fame in early teens/late twenties…..they have no fucking clue what the actual real world is like which is why they all sound oblivious to things.
If Chris’ acting career didn’t work out, like imagine after Fantastic 4 he just disappeared from Hollywood….what would’ve been his plan? He has a high school degree no corporate skillset and I’m sure sitting in a cubicle all day would drive him fucking nuts…..
Oooh wait, he’s white and came from a privileged home, I’m sure one of his buddies would have hooked him up with a high paying gig….
Ooh wait how many of his buddies would still be his buddies if he weren’t who he currently is?
Yeah…..I vote for this tower moment to happen publicly to knock some sense into him. If hey really are going to blame the fans for this bullshit THEY created…..fuck them! 🖕
If they think this fandom is “crazy”, let them pull that “it’s the fans fault Chris isn’t in a happy relationship” shit and watch this fandom show them what ACTUAL crazy is! Hit him in the pockets!!! 💰
Anon, I totally understand your feelings and that you are upset. I think we all have been disappointed in some way or the other during this sh*tshow.
I hope you wouldn't take it as criticism but I would like to request let's not wish anyone a public tower moment.
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BPP hi, I've wanted to send you a DM for some time, but every moment I chicken out. I'm new on Tumblr, just starting up my blog for jikook and want to ask you for advice. How do you deal with hate asks and comments? You cover controversial topics, talk straight and candid but in a level-headed way but at the same time you call out the b*llsh*t of both kpop stans and Armys and even Hybe. I just talk about jikook and I am getting people that already hate me and my blog. I imagine you must get more given all the topics you cover. How do you deal with it?
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Lol I just delete them.
Actually, first I should say that if you're getting extremely abusive asks, escalate it to the reporting team on Tumblr. Use the report and block function and put in a formal complaint through the website. Some months ago I was getting hostile visitors to my blog that I dismissed as just trolls, after all, weird things happen online and especially on Tumblr every day - but turns out, they were more than just trolls. They were underemployed but fanatically motivated k-pop stans/commentators determined to physically hurt me in real life, because the facts I was pointing out were inconvenient for them, and my opinions critical of the k-pop industry and the sycophants trafficking in 'discourse' that excuses that bullshit, were difficult to counter with you know, words and reason. So physical harm in real life was apparently the only solution they had. I made a mistake by not taking them seriously till they tried actual physical harm. Thankfully, I was able to nip that in the bud by escalating to the privacy and reporting team at Tumblr, worked with some experts irl and now those people are permanently banned from using the platform under several IP addresses.
Of course, when I re-opened the blog, almost right away some people were upset that I was writing again, for whatever reason. But that's normal, lol, so I just ignore and delete those asks whenever they pop up. Lol. I don't know what to tell you Anon, but some people are just naturally... like that. They'd score above the average Dark Triad percentile. I know we typically make fun of toxic taekookers but many of those same behaviors we ridicule are found in various shades in k-pop spaces in general - the way this industry runs practically attracts those types. Like I'd go as far as saying the people playing the k-pop game best are taekookers and Tae solo stans. Hobi akgaes are really good at it too. I've said before, if you're a critical and contrarian person, k-pop is the perfect industry for you because you'll never run out of things to have a problem with.
Plus, half the time I have no idea what these people are going on about in my inbox anyway, so I just delete them. Before, during the pandemic, occasionally I'd post a few to tear down and laugh at since I had the time. But now airports are open and I'm back to working full time. I can hardly handle the 10s of asks I sometimes get daily, so it makes no sense to give those complaints any oxygen.
TL;DR
First, why are you chickening out? If you don't mind maybe not getting responses right away, please come say hi. :)
Sad to hear you're a new jikook blogger and already having to deal with BS. But also know it honestly just comes with the territory.
The way I deal with asks that are hostile or just read like they were written by an insane person, is to delete them.
There's also the option of turning off Anonymous asks completely. I know several bloggers sometimes take this route.
If it's especially weird, I report and block. I haven't had to do this in months but if it's extra weird, I report the ask directly to Tumblr's reporting team.
You should also note that the topics you write about can influence whether you get more or fewer weirdos. Shipping spaces are notoriously toxic, so if you'd like to continue writing on the topic, develop a tagging system that shields your content from taekookers, eg, abbreviate or add your blog name to the hashtag.
*
Good luck Anon. 💜
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dumpdaily · 1 year
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How attempted murder freed me from my abusive parents
please check tags for trigger warnings before continuing. also the style completely changes halfway through so have fun with that
Reprimanded for threats I make Inaction on the crimes against me WHAT THE HELL AM I MEANT TO THINK this is ok ? I repeat and repeat and repeat No one believed me and when they did? Nothing. I WILL BECOME THE CONSEQUENCE I was fully prepared to do the time Anyone who tells you that you should have called the cops Anyone who tells you that you should have talked to someone you trust THEY ALL BETRAYED ME I was a loudspeaker for the things I lived through but such things were too dramatic everyone talks a big game about protecting little girls who is really willing to take on someone wielding a knife? someones parents sobbing about how they are made the victim DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL the most convincing you've seen The constant looming threats sob sob please dont say such things sob sob you'll be taken away from me followed by the horror stories of the system NO MATTER WHAT I TOLD THEM but still the pressure from inside that house the sobbing and begging alongside the beatings and other fucked up things it broke me I realized NO ONE FUCKING CARES No one was willing to take the steps to save me So you know what I did? I saved myself ATTEMPTED MURDER BUT BITCH I WAS TECHNICALLY A MINOR AND THEY HAD NO FUCKING PROOF Unfortunately some other adult who was dating my blood relation held me back I finally got thrown out with nothing but STILL from being locked inside and facing extreme punishments for dumb shit to try control me from only having my school uniform and being BANNED from getting books out from the library from all of the bullshit TO FREEDOM And all it took was for me to enforce consequence This moment was the single most defining moment in my life I knew that if someone wanted to do something to me they could But I also knew that murder was a fucking option and I wasnt afraid to take it I live every day in terror I live every day with the consequences of other peoples actions Right now I still have to maintain tactical contact with some of the family that abused me the most bc otherwise I'll be homeless again (a reoccurring theme) and as I currently am unable to walk thats not something I am ready to deal with if it can be helped These days I am extremely law abiding most of the time and always try to live my life by what I believe in which is basically the opposite of what I was shown as a kid I repeat parts of my past often to remind myself that they were real, that I have every right to be hurt angry or whatever. I rely on the reactions of other to put things in perspective. My normal was super fucked up. Even after getting my freedom I had no one so I got hardcore fucked over by others. I get through life by saying to myself whats the worst that can happen? something I already lived through? Or I could die? I don't really function dealing with people very well and have basically no (consistent) skills. its really hard because there's basically no way to earn money. I tried streaming and social media stuff but I always ended up not being able to handle it. It really brings out the worst in people and turns out stalker shit and the way some people react to me existing with my body is fucking terrifying. I have had people try con me into what I am pretty sure is some human trafficking shit. I swear people see desperate girl and assume shes fucking stupid blackmailable. Luckily I was/am way to cautious of people to fall for the bs. Also my sexual trauma generally makes me pretty adverse to sexual shit so just as well in this case. I really dont want to make everything about my life and mental illness shit but as things get worse again it's getting to feel like it's more and more of the stuff that defines me. If you're gonna do dumb shit then you might as well work backwards from least dumb to most dumb. Sometimes people get lucky and find help. Sometimes you have to ask for help repeatedly from many places.
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natewriteslol · 3 years
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Hey! Could i request the dorm leaders with an esper MC? Kinda like Mob psycho or Saiki k :) and maybe they don't really use this ability of theirs that much since in their world they're literally a teen who's trying to live a normal life(like Mob basically), so nobody knew about their psychic powers except Grim since the mirror said that he couldnt sense any magic in them(i'm pretty sure that psychic powers don't really count as magic but idk lol).
Feel free to ignore if you don't wanna write it! :)
 A/N: Ooh this was a fun one! I haven't watched Mob Psycho (I know about that fine ass blonde man-) but I have watched Saiki k and I loved it, still need to finish it tho jlafljhdas 
Characters: Kalim Al-Asim, Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Vil Schoenheit, Azul Ashengrotto, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia
P.S: I’m so sorry this is so long omg but I guess this is a strong comeback-
Warnings: none except for language
Riddle:
-You wanted to stay as far away as possible from him
-Riddle was part of the trio of people you wanted to stay away from: Riddle, Vil, and Azul
-Riddle paid so much attention to fine details that if something was up, he'd definitely notice it
-But unfortunately you were best friends with the two goobers of Heartslabyul: Ace and Deuce
-And Riddle had started to pay attention to you and your habits, and something was off with you
-It's almost as though you tried too hard to be normal, like Jamil
-And he could never let something like that happen again, so yes he was watching you
-One day you accidently slipped up and was irresponsible with your powers
-Grim was bothering you since he got into a deal with Azul for tuna and they were standing outside with the twins, since Grim lost
-You told him to fend for himself and teleported, however you didn’t plan where you would go
-And you teleported into the Heartslabyul dorm
-What sucks is that your teleportation power was literally flashy with a bright ass green light every time you popped in somewhere
-Just when you thought you were lucky since the whole dorm was uninhabited...except for Riddle who watched the whole thing
-He was completely shocked, he didn’t know what to say other than “What did you just do?!” 
-You explained to him, and that just pieced everything together
-How you solved overblots with such ease, and that one day you had a “strength potion to test for Azul” was such bs!
-Riddle ends up keeping your secret, since he values your privacy but if you do something major and mess up then he will tell!
-”I understand but please be more careful with your powers. I need to institute discipline and you are no exception, Y/N.”
-He really does care about you and doesn’t want you to be found out 
-Goes the extra mile to cover for you often, and in exchange you help him out with things :)
Leona:
-He didn't really care about you at first but as you started to hang Jack and Ruggie, Leona started to get more suspicious
-Your scent had proven that you had some trace of magic, but Leona just couldn't put his finger on it
-So he sent Ruggie after you for a couple of days
-If you were a threat to Savanaclaw, Leona would crush you
-But Ruggie had only reported back that everything with you was perfectly normal
-"Just give it up Leona, they're just an ordinary human. The scent is probably weird because they're from a completely different world."
-But Leona still had that feeling, so he was keeping an eye on you
-You had made a deal with Crowley to keep your powers secret to solve problems on campus (it did cut repair costs and handymen costs in half so-)
-Your new quest was to rid the forest of the Angolo fungus that was manifesting into living fungus blobs 
-The one thing that gave you away was Grim, as you both had to stop by the Greenhouse to read some info about the fungus
-The cat beast was being far too loud, not understanding why he had to go and mess around with the icky fungus
-You simply replied “It’ll be quick, I’ll just use Hydrokinesis and dry out the fungus since they’re mainly filled with water. They become fertilizer once dried so we can just leave them there.”
-And there Leona was, ears perked up once he heard your voice
-Hydrokinesis? What are you talking about?
-So he set off, following you to the forest
-You started to fly, turning the once green and lively fungus to brown dust while Grim napped against a tree
-Leona for the first time in the while, was left speechless
-Once you noticed him, you realized you had to talk to him
-Confronting him later on, luckily Leona didn’t spill to anyone 
-He promised to never tell anyone about what he saw, and had no clapbacks for what you had to say 
- Leona doesn’t even benefit from this secret...besides mayyybee one day asking for your help if his pride lets him
-By the Great Seven why does everything have to not be in his favor-
Azul:
-Another one who you have got to be careful around, since he’s incredibly observant
-More observant than Riddle
-Azul noticed that you’re an incredibly average person, and were incredibly relaxed even during the most stressful situations
-And almost every single time whenever you were in a tight spot, it works in your favor
-Just how is that possible? Solving overblots left and right? Every single time you disappeared the infestation of magical beasts are gone? 
-One day, you were getting picked on by a three guys, their stature far above yours and incredibly strong. How could you possibly win?
-Just as he was about to scoop in a save you, you slammed one of the men into the concrete, taking on the other two by electrocuting them, the blue lightning buzzing in your palms
-They were completely knocked out, dusting off your palms and picking up your things only to face Azul’s eyes
-After giving an explanation of what that was, he was still speechless
-Azul at first was incredibly shocked and then since Azul is Azul... later on realized this had benefits
-He could just blackmail you to be his new bodyguard!
-Oh how he always manages to bend life to his will-!
-So you could just wipe his memory... or turn him into stone...nvm
-You’re now Azul’s arch nemesis since you end up saving people from his scamming and you’re basically untouchable and there’s nothing he can do about it
-But he does find your great strength admirable (and a lil hot, I mean what can u say seeing someone floating in the air with electricity flowing through them is a nice look okay Nate shut up)
Kalim: 
-Oh Kalim my beloved
-He just thinks that you’re incredibly talented and a little mysterious
-You have your little quirks and he has his! Who is he to judge?
-Until one day you wanted to make the load lighter on Jamil, since the berries that Kalim had requested for were only in season in one country
-You decided to just teleport and then come back with the berries so Kalim wouldn’t be pouty 
-You were outside the door ready to teleport when last minute you felt a hand on your shoulder
- “Oh Y/N you forgot-!”
-And there both you and Kalim were, in a berry field thousands of miles away from the Scarabia dorm
-Kalim screams, falling to the lush green of the field
-What happened?! Where are we?! How did you do that?!
-You quickly gathered all the berries at light speed, making sure that you got back before Jamil realized that you were gone
-Kalim wasn’t scared of you, rather impressed that you were able to keep a secret for that long, he could never!
-You’re already super cool, and on top of this you have otherwordly powers!
- “It must’ve been stressful living your life like this! But don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret!”
-Yes he sometimes asks you to perform some of your powers for him, sorry Y/N-
Vil:
-While you were his friend, he was incredibly suspicious of you
-Even though you wiped everyone’s memory, he still had the faint memory of when he was in overblot mode of you blasting him with a beam of light
-Vil was incredibly upset as one of his assistants had mixed up his items, and left one of his vital skincare items on the set of where they were filming a new commercial
-It was being shipped and would take 3 days to reach NRC
-His mood was horrible and you had to do something about it to give grace to the Pomefiore dorm
-So you went to the second story of the Pomefiore dorm, ready to use Apport (the power to pull anything before you) 
-However, Vil felt incredibly guilty
-He was acting like a child and he shouldn’t have taken it out on the people who he loves and values
- “Y/N, how I was acting was incredibly inappropriate and- is that my moisturizer? How did you get it?”
-Starts freaking out as this was impossible as it was on it’s way from being shipped from another country
-This was the last straw for him ther was no justification for this that wasn't done by some form of magic
-He takes you to his room to make you sit down and give him an explanation for this
-Once you finished, Vil understood but was still freaked out
-He cares alot about keeping your powers a secret and will cover for you
-"So my aport powers need to exchange something of equal value so... I exchanged it with that Scucci purse over there-
-"MY LIMITED EDITION SCUCCI PURSE?!"
-He loves you, but you're dead to him, Y/N dear
Idia:
-Before he knew you, he didn't really notice anything off with you
-A little quiet sure but he minded his own business, he had bigger things to focus on
-Until you hung around Ignihyde more often for a project, fixing a huge generator by yourself for one of your partners for a project
-They took a break only after you told them that they could and apprehensive went to go get food and water
-Anyone with eyes could see that there's an overbearing amount of energy flowing through the fairly large sized cube
-Wait, you were wearing no gloves, you could get electrocuted! Why would have your bare hands on something like that?!
-Just as he was able to yell, it was too late, your whole body was flowing with the bright blue energy... and then you let go
-You were walking completely fine, you went and held a random wire on the ground, placing the electricity inside
-The static from your hair was gone, and you looked completely normal. . .
-Just what the hell are you?
-He did hours of research trying to figure you out, even sending Ortho to monitor you
-Yet there was nothing, you were just a “regular teen” 
-Was ready to get S.T.Y.X.S on your ass- (is that too soon to joke abt my bad overblot boys-)
-Until one day he caught you again bending electricity to your will
-Is incredibly impressed with your power (lowkey wanting to experiment on you)
-After he realizes that you can read minds Idia is so damn frightened
- “O-Okay I promise not to say anything, just don’t tell anyone what I’m thinking a-alright?!”
Malleus:
-You were one of the only people who he trusted
-Malleus had always detected some form of magical aura that was otherworldly from you and it never seemed to fade
-And it wasn’t often, but it was almost like you knew what he was thinking
-Whenever he was deeply upset he felt a twinge of energy from you, and then you would insist and help him out with his problems
-And he flat out says “Are you reading my mind, Y/N?”
-You had never been directly outed like this before, you felt horrible 
-You never read people’s minds unless it was very necessary
-whenever Malleus felt deeply gloomy you felt like it was important to just read his mind and help him with the problem
-You explained it to him and apologized, but he wasn’t upset
-In fact, he was smiling?
- “It seems like we have alot of things that we’re hiding from each other. But... you always had the best intentions whenever you used your abilities”
-He let out a sigh and reluctantly admitted, “And, I know that I’m quite stubborn with revealing my feelings.” 
- “I will keep your secret as long as you keep mine, Child of Man,” the dragon fae said, you both shaking on it
- “I always had a feeling that you were special, but I never thought it would be something of this caliber...” 
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grain-my-beloved · 3 years
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Yknow what? I'd actually go so far as to say that, as much as ive seen it complained about, it's actually pretty hard to "UwU" or "Woobify" Grian within the context of yhs.
I mean. It's possible if you go really extreme with it, but it's hard.
Grian at his core is actually a primarily decent person most of the timeand is a primarily innocent party in most things. One who goes through a Lot.
If you really think about it Grian's moral compass isn't too far off normal basic human morality. He's often anxious and hesitant when faced with any involvement in criminal activity, he's frequently dismayed and offput by suggestions of violence (the less deserved the more dismay is expressed as well), he's disappointed and frustrated at seeing the people around him do fucked up things, he's almost always polite with a good head on his shoulders when faced with a kind or reasonable person. Even well into ts, long after first coming back to Japan, Grian is still incredibly uneasy and fidgety with the suggestion that he take part in violence, I mean, remember that time he, Taurtis, and Sam were tasked with killing Geode and Grian not only initially tried to refuse outright but then checked in shakily with the other two multiple times just to confirm if they were really going to kill someone. Grian's typically the character most likely in the entire series to be incredibly put off by and very hesitant about doing bad things (especially to people he's not one million percent certain deserve it).
And while one could argue that we can't really praise his moral compass for being hesitant about involving himself in crime/wrongdoing when he often ends up participating anyways. Actions speak louder than words and all. However I disagree. The fact that Grian vocally does not wish to be involved in this kind of thing and has proven to behave on the more reasonable and polite side when acting independently in relation to likewise level headed people....is Very important. In fact, in actual legal cases, oftentimes a factor in trying individuals is the question of whether they would commit the crime in question indepently or under normal circumstances. This is the basis for necessity, duress, and insanity pleas, amoung other's. People who would not act the way they did in a certain scenario under normal circumstances are often liable to be judged favourably in their actions. In fact, speaking of duress pleas, Grian's got a pretty solid one for a lot of his actions. The times Sam or Yuki held a knife to his throat or the times police threatened to kill him if he doesn't comply with orders or any alike incidents. In cases where duress isn't applicable to Grian's behaviour there are oftentimes incidents in which an outright case for violence in self defense can be made. In fact, most of Grian's circumstances leave him very viable to be judged sympathetically on a legal standpoint. The fact that he was a minor, the fact that he had no apparent history of violence or crime, the fact that he was in a severely abusive relationship with a criminal and entering said relationship marked the start of any sort of criminal behaviour from Grian, any criminal behaviour from Grian always being in a group setting never lead by himself, the fact that he always clearly and openly protests when pulled into these group settings, the duress and self defense pleas that are applicable to pretty much all incidents in which he does engage. Which are also all factors that can and should be accounted for on. a moral basis as well, obviously. And like, Grian has a reputation for being arrogant, cynical, and rude or whatever, but he's really not. He very rightfully calls out other people's horrible bullshit and makes snappy remarks towards his abuser but that's the opposite of a problem and Grian's proven himself more than capable of reasonable civility towards reasonable people. Grian just isn't the selfish arrogant disrespectful criminal that he's sometimes implied to be and in fact he's largely innocent- or absolvable, if you'd rather- in most of the things levied against him. Grian's not a literal saint giving to the needy and taking care of orphans in his spare time but he's a decent guy overall???
And hey, speaking of that super abusive relationship Grian landed in. Let's not forget the impact of that situation. Sam was undoubtedly abusive towards Grian. He threatened Grian's life various times, he basically told Grian he was nothing compared to Taurtis, he shoved plastic down Grian's throat and laughed when he choked, he got Grian locked up in solitary confinement through complete lies just because he thought it'd be entertaining I guess, he forced Grian to kiss an abnormally large amount of people against his will (some of these instances sam recorded despite being asked not to), he himself tried to make out with Grian without consent while Grian was sleeping in his own private room, he forcefully dressed Grian up in feminine cosplay meant to be ~attractive~ complete with fake breasts, he lied to Grian about the gender identity of someone Grian dated as a joke (his words) and lightly mocked Grian afterwards, he locked Grian in a basement for three days straight and it's unclear whether or not he was planning to let him out anytime soon, he dragged Grian into a closet with school staff despite Grian's very vocal distress and discomfort then scolded Grian for considering reported it when this staff member made uncomfortable comments on the outfit Sam had forced Grian into, Sam offered to give Grian to another guy who made a similar uncomfortable comment later on as part of some trade, he consistently dragged Grian against his will into criminal activity whether by threatening him, tricking him into participating, or just altogether falsely implicatng him, amoung Many other things. And every step of the way Sam did his best to completely gaslight Grian. He used every gaslighting technique in the book. Telling blatant lies (for example, "i would never stab taurtis", "you are taurtis", "grian's crazy and he stabbed taurtis"), he denies doing shit to Grian that Grian knows damn well he did ("i would never stab taurtis"). He hard projected his bs onto Grian (from blaming grian for 'making' sam do awful shit sam did to claiming grian actually fullstop did the awful shit sam did). He was just constantly trying to turn people against Grian (convincing yuki and taurtis to back him up in calling grian a bad manipulative friend and insisting he needed to apologize for 'making' sam horrifically abuse him. arriving in the police station and instantly without hesitation telling them grian was crazy and dangerous and pinning his own crimes on grian. having taurtis back him up and help scold grian for getting mad about being locked in the basement for days). Telling Grian he's crazy (taurtis incident again, solitary confinement incident, the time sam kissed grian without his consent while he slept and grian got mad). Telling everyone else that Grian's a manipulative liar (taurtis incident again, solitary confinement incident again). Yknow. Gaslighting. Sam was just so unbelievably abusive. In like. Every possible way. Which adds a LOT of trauma to Grian. That on top of his parents abandoning him as a little kid too because we couldn't leave it at severe abuse.
Grian's not a bad person. And he's certainly a very sympathetic person. Which is why it would be hard to woobify yhs Grian. It would be hard to make a very sympathetic very sad character egregiously sympathetic and sad. His whole arc is getting abandoned by his parents, going to visit his friends, and getting violently abused and forced into a multitude of disturbing activities against his will for an extended period of time.
One could argue that sure Grian isn't a bad person and sure Grian's got a pretty sad life, but certainly a lot of people are guilty of making Grian more helpless and scared and generally 'pathetic' than he is in canon.
To which I reply...not really?
Grian already doesn't have half the fight response people ascribe to him throughout the series. That was a whole other post but honestly Grian's response to traumatic situations is very frequently to cave to them and he's got a much stronger submissive streak than people often admit. I mean, Grian was asked to dress up as his best friend who just got stabbed "to make things less awkward and make me feel better" and he did it within ten seconds of being asked without the others even needing to threaten him at all. Grian does express quite a bit of despair, fear, and submissive tendency in canon when faced with dangerous or traumatic situations. And while it's possible to go a bit too far with that if you consistently leave out the token fight entirely, I see people swing way too far un the opposite direction way too often. There's a reason Grian never actually killed Sam in canon. There's a reason Grian never made a serious attempt to get him arrested for his crimes. There's a reason Grian never just left. When Sam found Grian after he ran out of the gym during the Taurtis incident? Grian didn't lunge for Sam. There was no serious altercation between the two. Grian scrambled back and tearfully babbled platitudes while shoving plastic down his own throat on command. And even beyond that, a lot of the interpretations accused of making Grian too helpless/scared/'pathetic' are works that involve Grian processing trauma years after the fact. Which. Even if Grian was the most aggressive on edge fighter in the history of trauma responses during the traumatic events? People don't process their trauma after the fact the same way they instinctively respond in the moment. Even if Grian never shed a tear throughout any of the traumatic ordeals he experienced, it would be far from unrealistic behaviour for him to still process after the fact by panicking and sobbing his eyes out regularly. Which, again, Grian wasn't even all that fight oriented while it was happening so panic and tears isn't even super far removed from his actual in the moment responses let alone processing after-responses. It's just. It's really hard to "UwU" Grian tbh. He's a decent person, he went through hell (his own words actually), and he was never even really very effectively aggressive when he did. And while it's possible to dip too far into that territory, far more often I see things swung egregiously far in the other direction.
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headingalaxys-spicy · 2 years
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I am curious now since we seen Alpha!America with both a Omega and Beta darling... How about Yandere!Alpha!America with a Alpha!Darling? Maybe a temperamental and fierce one at that? That sounds like ahilarious disaster wating to happen.
Oh, you just want to watch the world burn, don’t you?
So do I.
Yes, a Yandere! Alpha America with an Alpha darling is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
When America meets his Alpha darling and tries to use his usual moves that would normally work on an Omega or a Beta (sometimes) would only outright annoy the Alpha darling.
She would still be staring at her phone trying her best to give off ‘Please f off vibes.’
When that does work and he persists.
*WHACK* America will suddenly have a bloody nose.
“Look jerk I have a job to do that has nothing to do with you. If you’ll excuse me.” You run out of the elevator you were trapped in with him and get on your General Peacekeeper attire. You had enough of him and his BS he may have been on the same power level just in a different department but you were tired of his dumb sh!t he bothered you with Every. Single. Day.
Some of his Alpha co-workers will tease him about liking an Alpha General or be concerned as to why he’s so obsessed with another Alpha….. And one that could really whomp on him at that.
Said General Alpha may get a slap on the wrist from her superiors but nothing more than that since she had a great deal of power in society and granted maybe even a little more than America.
“Just try to lighten up on him he means no harm and your attractive and all.” The President tries to reason with Y/N but she’s having none of it.
You scoff in disbelief. “Then that loser of an investigator can get a subservient Omega to bother and attend to his ….needs…..” You say in disgust. “I will strangle him if he tries to capture, flirt, give me gifts or any of that. Tell him I said he can get bent.”
“I mean you can get bent over my leg~” The man that you wanted to choke appeared in the office to turn in REQUEST TO CAPTURE documents.
“Here you go President you’re going to need these. I wanted to bypass all the others since it wasn’t working and I kept getting rejected before by the General of the Peacekeepers” He turns his blue eyes to look at you with a sweet simple with a hint of malice. “I wouldn’t read those out loud since my target is standing 2 feet away.”
Them were fighting words.
“YOU BA$TARD! STOP BEING A HINDRANCE TO ME AND CATCH A FVCKING HINT!” You proceed to taser him. America proceeds to fall to the floor in pain and is unable to move his body for a few moments.
Alpha darling will storm out of the room angry as all heck. Ready to snap Alpha Special Agent America’s neck.
America will leave the darling alone for while after being sent on paid leave to recover physically but also to heal his bruised ego. While General Peacekeeper Alpha darling got a boost to her pay for having to deal with the headache that was the head of the Investigations department. He won’t get fired of course but this does mean that this Alpha man is now plotting your downfall so that Alpha darling will have no choice but to lean on him.
“Oh Y/N just because you’re an Alpha doesn’t mean you can’t be mine.” He hums to himself as he types away on his computer that had access to Top Secret files and was fully encrypted.
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Take Your Father to Work Day (S2, E4)
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As many people have said: This is one of the STRONGEST Prodigal Son episodes to date. It was incredible. My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. 
I reference Malcolm’s mental health and sexual violence in this one. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.
SPOILERS AHEAD:
0:16 - OMG. Destiny’s Child. Whoever is in charge of the soundtrack for this show needs a raise. Or an award. It’s SOO GOOD.
0:18 - How great is this montage of Martin’s prison life too? I mean the insane mundanity of it combined with “Survivor” and Michael Sheen’s incredible acting is some perfect mix between hilarious, captivating, and just brilliant. 
1:06 - I feel so bad for Mr.David. He has to deal with Martin’s theatrics every day. Poor guy looks done in this episode.
1:35 - CAN HECTOR BECOME A BIGGER CHARACTER?! PLEASE. He’s hilarious and I love him. “Bro. You got your ass jumped at Sunday School.”
2:09 - Wait. What? Jerry’s getting released?!? I mean, I understand that he’s no longer in need of psychiatric care......but he still killed someone. Shouldn’t he just be getting transferred to a different prison?
2:25 - Does Jerry have a death wish?!?! He’s talking about being released in a room full of jealous murderers. Everyone looks sooooo pissed at Jerry. 
2:54 - Martin is such a liar. However - Michael Sheen’s performance is astoundingly good. Like he shines brighter than usual in this episode. 
 3:17 - Poor Malcolm. “What’s going on?” Poor boy looks terrified. 
3:23 - I love everything about this scene. I love how freaked out Malcolm is. I love you extra Jessica is. BUT HANS. Holy shit. I want Hans in every episode. He’s crazy in a good way and such a beautiful comedic relief. 
3:30 - OMG.  “Skinny milennial” might be the best thing anyone has ever called Malcolm. Someone please tell JT and Dani - hell, even Gil. They would tease him forever and I want to see it. 
3:45 - 1) Malcolm is a terrible liar. 2) Jessica knows he’s lying. 3) This story about the wine is interesting. I wonder when and how Malcolm first told Jessica the story. Was it the same night? AND HOW DID ENDICOTT’S BODY END UP IN ESTONIA?!? I WANT MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THAT NIGHT. 
3:54 - “Ainsley and I came back from the hospital after Gil’s stabbing.”....we never saw Ainsley at the hospital. Was she there and left before Malcolm got there? Or is this a plot hole I need to ignore?
4:05 - The way that the flashbacks of Endicott’s murder is spliced into this scene with Malcolm’s cover story is so perfectly executed. It’s so captivating and so so well done.
4:14 - Malcolm’s eyes look quite manic during the retelling of this story. Poor guy is desperate to have everyone believe the story. Poor guy probably wants to convince himself that the story is true. 
4:16 - Wait. What? Ainsley has always been clumsy? .....interesting. I’ve seen no evidence of it but I’ll believe it for the sake of the plot. 
4:23 - “At least one of you has a soul.” Holy shit.  hahaha Hans is brutal. I love him so much. I also love how this line makes me, as a viewer, think “does that mean the writers want me to think that Ainsley doesn’t have a soul?” ...or more likely that she doesn’t feel emotion (which can be interpreted as a lack of a soul). That she’s a psychopath like Martin?
4:27 - OMG. Jessica loves Hans. He speaks to her dramatic rich woman soul. So entertaining. 
4:30 - Poor. Malcolm. This boy is always in some sort of emotional turmoil. For once I wish he was happy (but also I love the emotional whump so if that could continue that would be great). 
4:44 - “It’s so much more than that.” *chef’s kiss* comedic genius.  I would watch a whole episode of Mr.David making fun of Martin. But can we all just take a minute to appreciate that Martin doesn’t seem bothered at all that Mr.David is basically verbally telling him that he sucks? It’s almost like Martin thinks they’re friends?
4:50 - Martin is strangely chill talking to Mr.David in this scene. It’s a little off-putting. He almost seems normal. He’s not putting on his usual theatrics or ranting about doctor stuff. It makes you wonder how many different sides of Martin that Mr.David has witnessed. 
5:01 - “Oh no. Not Jerry.” LMAO. HOLY SHIT. Michael Sheen needs an Emmy. His delivery of that line might be the funniest thing this show has ever given us. hahahahaha
5:29 - Damn. This is not Gil’s month. First Jessica dumps him. Then he has to deal with Martin Whitly in the flesh. That plus the on-going drama of worrying about Malcolm’s mental health and the stress of reintegrating into work after a STAB WOUND.
5:31 - Gil’s face. hahahahaha he’s like, “Kill me. This can’t be happening. I hate everything. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole.”
5:37 - “Yeah. Why’d you do it?” GIL. OMG. I’m so proud of Gil for dissing Martin to his face. BUT ALSO I worry that that’s going to give Martin more of a reason to hate Gil. I’m genuinely scared that the writers have Martin escaping as the pre-finale episode and Martin trying to kill Gil as the finale. Maybe Gil shows up trying to save Malcolm, AInsley, and Jessica (whom Martin is trying to abduct or hurt or something) idk I just feel like it’s going to be a likely subplot somewhere. I don’t want an attempt on Gil’s life to become a season finale tradition. 
5:56 - Ew. “Gilly” That is a terrible nickname. I think I threw up a little. 
6:00 - Damn. I love this scene. I could watch Martin and Gil pretending to be civil to each other for years. So entertaining. 
6:29 - hahahahaha OMG. Gil’s reaction to Martin saying, “Thank you” PLUS Edrisa’s sudden excitement at realizing she’s 10 ft away from Malcolm’s Dad - a medical legend, is magical.
6:35 - Not gonna lie. When Edrisa said, “Ok. I’m gonna play it cool.” I had to pause my TV and walk away to calm down. I was experiencing a mixture of second hand embarrassment for Edrisa’s inevitable behaviour, excitement for what is to come, and fear that Martin would be a jerk to our precious Edrisa. 
6:44 - Edrisa and Martin interacting was everything I’d hoped. It was strange, funny, sweet, and disturbing at the same time. The sweet, eccentric girl who attends cuddle parties is getting buddy-buddy with a literal serial killer. Hilarious. Even better is Gil’s background reactions as he desperately tries to keep Edrisa away from the psychopath. hahaha <3 
7:12 - Gil is currently living in a nightmare. hahahahaha 
7:47 - I love this. I love how Malcolm and Ainsley interact. Malcolm is such a good big brother. IDK something about these two adult siblings chilling on a couch and warning each other about Mom’s current rampage reminds me of myself and my younger brother. <3 Warms my cold dead heart. <3 PLUS has anyone else noticed that (as long as Ainsley isn’t hounding Malcolm about a story or airing out his mental health diagnoses like the bs from Q&A) Malcolm is extremely calm around Ainsley. Like maybe the calmest we’ve ever seen him?
8:20 - “Oh Ainsley, that’s a horrible idea.” This is adorable. Malcolm is totally acting like Ainsley’s surrogate dad. He’s trying so hard to protect her. <3 
8:42 - There’s something about the way that Malcolm says, “Hey Gil” that makes my heart swell. Idk why. I just their father/son relationship. So much. And it makes me so happy to see Malcolm having semi-normal interactions with people in general. 
8:48 - This. Is. The. Funniest. Episode. Of. Prodigal. Son. To. Date. Holy shit. The comical dread on Malcolm’s face. Martin’s glee on the phone. Gil’s general “done with life” body language. Ainsley’s utter joy at her luck. MALCOLM DRAINING THE ALKA-SELTZER. Ainsley saying “chug chug”. So perfect. 
9:27 - Is it just me or has Jessica been showing way more concern for her children’s well-being this season? At first I thought it was because she was so happy with Gil....but that’s not a thing anymore (because Jessica is a MORON - seriously if this show gets cancelled before Gil and Jessica are living happily ever after I will riot) so now Idk. 
10:02 - EDRISA WHY DID YOU NOT TELL GIL AND MALCOLM THAT THE SURGEON WAS ON THE PHONE?!? For a hot second, poor Malcolm looks like he thinks he’s hallucinating. 
10:40 - Gil hanging up on Martin and then telling Edrisa that she needs to make new friends is everything. It’s vicious. Gil looks absolutely furious in this scene and I love it. 
11:07 - Yo. Edrisa’s got some baggage. hahaha Malcolm looks soooo uncomfortable with her outburst.
11:18 - I would pay good money to watch Martin and Gil have a pissing match in front of Malcolm every episode. It’s amazing. They’re constantly trying to one-up each other. The tension is palatable. And someone Malcolm is the only one acting like a mature, working adult. Malcolm. My mentally unstable, skinny millennial. 
11:34 - OH SHIT. Martin did not just bring Jessica into this. Oh SNAP. Does Martin know that Jessica dumped Gil?!? 
11:56 - “I’m going to need a little more than that.” Damn. Malcolm looks pissed here. Pretty sure he hates that Martin just brought up Gil/Jessica. Malcolm’s bio-dad and real dad are fighting and it’s very clear that Malcolm is on Gil’s side.
12:17 - The look that Gil and Malcolm share here is perfect. I love it so much. You can see how annoyed they both are, how much they hate that they need Martin on this case, how much neither of them want Martin’s help. <3 
12:23 - SOMEONE GIVE GIL A MEDAL. This man just grit his teeth, smiled, and let MARTIN WHITLY - the man who tried to KILL HIM work on his case. Why? Because Malcolm silently asked him to. Because Gil loves Malcolm and knows that it’s better for Martin to work with them officially than for Malcolm to work with Martin in secret. At least this way he can look out for Malcolm. 
12:42 - “It’s taken Dr. Marsh years...” soooo was Dr. Marsh the name of the Asian doctor leading group therapy last season? Is this just a new actor, same character scenario? OR am I supposed to forget that Asian doctor existed last season? 
13:04 - I can’t tell if Gil hates this whole “father-son in group therapy idea”. He looks kind of like he hates it (although he is looking at Martin in the shot). I’m inclined to think that Gil is worried. He doesn’t like how nice Martin is acting toward Malcolm. He doesn’t want Malcolm to get hurt again. BUT I also think there’s probably a part of Gil that thinks group therapy might be beneficial for Malcolm’s mental health? I mean it was only ever going to be terrible or amazing. Nothing in between. 
13:12 - “They hate you don’t they?” GIL BRINGING THE FIRE. hahahaha angry Gil is really funny.
13:43 - OH HELL YES. More Hector. <3
13:46 - hahaha YES. Hector this is Malcolm - the son. You know, the one you had to role-play? hahaha I feel like Hector is a really cool dude (aside from the murder). 
13:53 - Damn. Hector pays attention in group. He has a lot of info about Malcolm. I would’ve thought the other inmates would just tune Martin out when he starts his monologues. 
13:59 - “He’s got a thing with hands?” hahahaha OMG. How did I never connect the hand thing. DOES Malcolm have a thing with hands? ....I kind of want that to be cannon?
14:00 - “You’re crazier than me.”  Ouch. That must’ve hurt. Think about it - Malcolm is ridden with guilt about Endicott. He’s haunted by what he experienced as a kid and by what his father is. Malcolm believes he’s broken beyond repair. On some level Malcolm thinks he’s crazy. Now a literal killer just told him he’s crazy. That just affirms what Malcolm already believes about himself. :( PLUS right after Hector tells Malcolm that he’s crazy - the camera pans to Martin. MARTIN looks scared. Martin is losing control of the situation and he doesn’t like it. Martin knows on some level that he ruined Malcolm’s mental health. He almost looks a little guilty?
14:31 - FINALLY. We have a cannon occurrence of someone calling Malcolm “Mal” (or “Malc” if you’re going by HULU’s subtitles?). I hope the writers start having people call Malcolm by Mal/Malc more often. 
14:35 - I can’t ignore it anymore.  DID HECTOR HAVE THAT SCAR ON HIS FACE LAST SEASON?!? I DON’T REMEMBER IT. 
14:38 - YES YES. Malcolm looks angry. I LOVE IT. Scream at him Malcolm! Give him hell!
15:03 - Yikes. Malcolm sounds like he’s about to cry here. :( My heart breaks for him. .....I wonder if this is the first time Martin has ever heard how much pain he caused Malcolm straight from Malcolm? Martin looks hella uncomfortable here. 
15:25 - The inmates (literal murderers) empathizing with Malcolm is twisted, beautiful, and haunting. These guys understand how much it sucks to hang out with Martin. These guys can see the real pain in Malcolm’s expression. They know he isn’t lying. Part of me honestly wonders if one of them is going to try and hurt Martin for Malcolm. They looked pissed enough by the end of the conversation that I kind of believe they might. 
16:00 - Malcolm is not acting here. For once he’s not projecting his problems onto potential suspects. He’s just venting to suspects. No pretence. I love it. BUT 100% of me wants to know where Gil is during this session. Is Gil listening? Is the session being recorded for evidence? There’s no way Gil (or Dani) wouldn’t confront Malcolm about this. Even if they just asked him if he’s okay. 
16:10 - hahahaha look at Doctor Marsh. He’s like “ooookkkkkaaaayyyy. I’m a psychiatrist in a psychiatric facility for people who have committed violent crimes. BUT THIS IS THE NUTTIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN.”
16:12 - Look at the way Martin narrows his eyes. He’s trying to figure out if Malcolm is acting. He’s finally realizing that Malcolm truly hates what Martin subjected him to as a child. I honestly think this interaction will cause Martin to shift his “become a murderer like me” agenda from Malcolm to Ainsley. He’s finally seen the depth of Malcolm’s hatred and pain and knows deep down that Malcolm will never turn into a serial killer. But there’s still hope for Ainsley. That’s not to say that Martin won’t stop gaslighting Malcolm - he totally will.
17:10 - Martin has been at Claremont for 20 YEARS. How is it that he didn’t know a gold card existed?!?
17:21 - I honestly thought Marsh was going to get shanked. For the gold card. No other reason. 
18:07 - It’s not supposed to be funny but Burt freaking out and punching Marsh is HYSTERICAL. hahahahaha
18:10 - That guard who pushed Malcolm out of the room and into a safe area? He’s in my good books. Every time I watch him push Malcolm to safety I want to give him a hug. Just for doing his job. What the hell is wrong with me?!?
18:18 - UGH. I hate that creepy, satisfied look that Martin gives Malcolm. It’s the same look he gave baby Malcolm in the pilot. It’s the “we’re the same” look and it clearly bothers Malcolm. :( 
18:26 - Oh look. 18 minutes into the episode and we finally have a Dani appearance!! annnnnnd no mention of JT. I mean, I get it. He’s on paternity leave. I’m happy for him. BUT TWO EPISODES WITHOUT A JT APPEARANCE IS TORTURE. At least give me a throw away line about how happy JT is or about the baby!?? Honestly - it’s my biggest gripe with this episode. 
18:56 - soooo either Dr. Marsh is a terrible psychiatrist OR you can’t “cure” murderers. 
19:08 - The NYPD knows that Martin cured Jerry?!? HOW? Did Mr. David get Martin to admit to shocking him? Did Mr. David tell the police?!? I don’t remember Martin telling Malcolm. I specifically remember Malcolm saying, “I don’t want to know”
20:02 - Damn. I want Ainsley to go dark so badly. I want to see how badly it would destroy Malcolm and Jessica. I am evil. 
20:52 - Malcolm’s burgundy jacket is gorgeous. That is all.
21:10 - Malcolm knows that Martin wants to escape. This is good. I love this. 
21:55 - THERE’S A WOMENS WARD?!? REVOLUTIONARY INFORMATION. I THOUGHT THEY HAD A SEPARATE HOSPITAL. 
22:00 - Oh wow. Finally - a perk to gender inequality. 
22:52 - This Brightwell scene is so cute. I love watching Malcolm be excited about solving the crime. I love watching Dani gently tease him about how weird he is. I love watching them subtly flirt. Is Malcolm ready for another relationship - hell no. Do I think Dani has forgiven him - not totally. If they got together now it would end badly. But I do want them to be endgame. 
23:11 - Andre is really suspicious throughout this whole scene. I’m convinced that if Dani and Malcolm weren’t too busy flirting Andre would’ve become a suspect really fast. 
23:15 - Why do people get released from psychiatric prisons?!? This is a genuine question. I would’ve thought that everyone in Claremont has committed some seriously heinous crimes and only a very small portion of them are actually sick. The rest of them just pleaded insanity and had good lawyers. But even if they are/were sick. I don’t think the types of mental illnesses that drive people to murder and/or rape is something that can be cured.  Sooo why are they getting released? I guess I just wonder because there’s this guy that’s been in my local news on and off for like 10+ years. He’s molested/raped many young women between the ages of about 16-25. He’s been arrested and released multiple times. He keeps getting released to different major cities in my province (usually a city with a big University) and reoffends within 6 months of being released. Most recently he was arrested last month after being released in October 2020. Clearly he’s going to keep reoffending - so why does he keep getting released? I guess I just don’t understand what the criteria are that allow an inmate who has committed that sort of crime to be released. Here’s a link to one of the more recent news stories if you’re interested: https://vancouverisland.ctvnews.ca/police-warn-of-high-risk-sex-offender-moving-to-victoria-1.5149264
23:23 - hahaha Andre is like, “Yo. This dude is freaky.”
24:15 - Look at how proud Malcolm is of his whole “lobster = murderer” profile. <3 So freaking precious. <3 and Dani looks so amused with him.  <3
24:37 - Sooooo Mr. David isn’t listening to this conversation? He left the room?
24:40 - Jessica going to Martin for parenting help is terrifying. This is a woman in crisis. 
25:20 - But Jessica was right to be paranoid in 97′. She wasn’t being cheated on romantically but her husband was murdering people. 
25:24 - Martin is so selling his kids out here. He knows it. He doesn’t care. He’s having too much fun torturing Jessica. He’s rejoicing at the fact that he gets to play the “I turned the kids to the dark side” card. 
26:40 - Poor Jessica. She looks suspicious and scared. Scared that she raised a killer even though she tried desperately to prevent that very behaviour. 
26:56 - Damn. Martin is having a really good day. First he gets to annoy Gil Arroyo in the flesh. Then Edrisa talks medical with him. Then he gets to work with Malcolm. THEN his ex-wife calls him and he gets to toy with her mind. THEN his daughter, who has literally murdered someone comes to visit him. He is a proud Dad right here and he’s having an amazing day. 
28:00 - Rhonda is terrifying. This girl has perfected the “I’m sweet and unthreatening” while lying and manipulating people. I swear she’s a teenage Queen B personality with a side of violence. 
28:30 - I love how protective Malcolm is of Ainsley. Look how positively livid he is that Marin is talking to her. Malcolm is terrified that Martin is going to purposefully and successfully turn Ainsley into a serial killer. Malcolm doesn’t want to lose his sister. He doesn’t want Jessica to lose her ‘stable’ child.
29:09 - This scares me. This is the kind of Ainsley behaviour from last season that made me believe she is the Whitly child most like Martin. Her ruthlessness and lack of a conscience when it comes to looking for a news story is extremely upsetting. 
30:11 - What the hell happened to Tevin? AND WATKINS?!? We got no closure on those guys. Are they dead? In prison? Is Tevin still in Claremont? Were they transferred to facilities outside of New York State?
30:28 - Malcolm yelling at Martin is perfect. *chef’s kiss* Finally this boy is being honest with his father and he isn’t holding back. 
30:40 - Michael Sheen is an incredible actor. This is an Emmy worthy scene. By Sheen AND Payne.
30:48 - I love how you can see Mr. David just chilling. Sitting outside the door and staring across the hall during this scene. It’s just....can’t he hear the screaming?!? Is he just like, “I can’t take anymore of this today. Not my circus and not my monkeys.”
30:55 - Soooooo this is Martin showing his true colours. There’s definitely a part of Martin that hates Malcolm. I honestly wonder if that part of Martin actively tries/tried to emotionally torture Malcolm now and throughout his childhood. 
31:00 - “And your mother. And you ruined HeR!!!”....does this mean Martin was trying to make Ainsley a serial killer? Maybe after the camping trip when he realized Malcolm was too “weak” to kill anyone? Is this Martin saying that Ainsley is ruined because she didn’t become a serial killer? Or that Ainsley is ruined because she killed Endicott?
31:05 - “But that’s not me.” hahaha OMG. Michael Sheen just flipped between two personalities like nobody’s business. Respect.
31:08 - Martin’s outburst hurt Malcolm. Badly. You can see it all over his face. Even now, when Malcolm is being strong and showing some backbone to Martin, Martin can wound Malcolm with a single phrase. :( 
31:41 - soooo where has Gil been for the past 10 minutes of this episode?
32:02 - Sooooo did Andre kill Jerry for Rhonda? Or did he just know about the murder and keep quiet for Rhonda? Or is his oblivious to the fact that Rhonda killed Jerry? I’m honestly confused here. 
32:20 - Holy shit. Rhonda is crazy. Andre is dead now. Right?
32:48 - Wait. Why did Andre have a gold card? Mr. David only has red. What kind of qualifications does a guard need to get a gold card vs blue, green, or red?!?!
32:55 - Claremont isn’t a punishment for Martin. Solitary is. Martin should live in solitary. He deserves to suffer for his crimes (and the ongoing torture of his son). 
33:05 - How messed up is it that Mr. David’s job is to protect a serial killer? I don’t think I’m brave enough to do something like that. I also don’t know if I could do that for moral reasons. 
33:14 - Damn. That elevator looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since it was installed. It’s sooo much nastier than the hallway outside of the elevator. 
33:50 - Sooo does this mean Martin is eventually going to try and murder someone down here?
33:54 - HE CALLED FOR BACKUP <3 <3 <3 OUR BOY IS GROWING UP AND I’M SO PROUD. <3 
35:40 - FINALLY SOME MALCOLM WHUMP. <3 THIS SEASON HAS BEEN LACKING IT. 
36:00 - This is really interesting to me. I honestly wonder if Martin has some sort of split personality disorder (personality #1: murderous, selfish, psychopath; personality #2: loving, concerned father and lawful doctor). You can see how desperately he wants to escape. But also how much he loves his son. I honestly thought he was going to leave Malcolm to die. 
36:06 - Ugh. Look at his whumped face. <3 <3 <3 ....one thing that I couldn’t stop thinking during all the tazing (which was amazing FYI, I’m not complaining) is this: in QxA (1x07) Mr. David says that he only has a single shot tazer. Why did Andre have a multi-shot tazer? Is this a gold card vs red card thing?
36:40 - WHY THE EFF DOES BACKUP NOT INCLUDE GIL?!?! I KNOW HE’S STILL IN THE BUILDING. 
37:03 - MARTIN, IF YOU TOUCH A HAIR ON DANI’S HEAD I WILL PERSONALLY HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU MYSELF. He honestly looks like he wants to murder her. 
37:50 - Martin’s speech is not going to help Malcolm’s mental state. At all. 
38:31 - No. No. No. Martin you do NOT get to talk to Dani on a first name basis. Look at how much Dani hates it. 
38:35 - I love how soft Malcolm looks as Martin lifts him up. Look at how Malcolm gently leans into the touch. It breaks my heart. After 20 years Malcolm is still comforted by physical contact with his father. :( 
38:37 - “Put your hands on me again Dr. Whitly, and I’ll blow your head off.” OH HELL YES. Dani is my hero. Iconic. Also - anyone else notice that Dani is chewing gum in this scene (I don’t think she’s chewed gum on camera since the pilot?) it makes her look like so much more of a badass in this scene. 
38:55 - Oh look. The rest of the backup finally showed up. Where were these assholes 5 minutes ago when DANI WAS ALONE? AND WHERE IS GIL?!?!
39:00 - Malcolm thanking Dani is so so precious. And the fact that he’s clearly struggling to breathe and stay conscious is giving me life. ALSO Dani saying, “YOU’re welcome.”?!? *chef’s kiss* :) :) <3
39:30 - So Malcolm definitely knows that Martin almost left him to die so that Martin could escape. 
39:33 - ......Ainsley is currently living with Jessica. Why is Ainsley not at the family dinner? We literally see her in the house in like 30 seconds. 
39:35 - Malcolm in a polo shirt. Malcolm in a polo shirt. Why is it so attractive?!? He looks like a baby cinnamon roll? <3 
39:51 - WHO THE EFF LET AINSLEY INTO THE MURDER BASEMENT?!? WHY AM I EXPECTED TO BELIEVE THAT JESSICA DIDN’T RE-SEAL IT AFTER WATKINS?!?!
40:15 - Jessica desperately tearing apart the living room is heartbreaking. :(
40:29 - Question: Did Jessica send her staff home before she tore apart the living room? Because I can just imagine two of them staring into the living room from the hall like, “She’s finally snapped. Should we call someone?”
41:00 - Jessica is the queen of drama. HOLY SHIT. This reveal was so extra and so perfect. 
41:13 - “I killed him.” “You’re lying.” I love this interaction between Jessica and Malcolm. Malcolm has spent his whole life trying to convince people that he’s not a murderer. To protect Ainsley, his baby sister, he will say the words “I killed him”. Even though that is literally killing a part of Malcolm. Jessica knows it. I love that Jessica can see that Malcolm is lying. She’s not trying to convince herself that he’s innocent. She literally just accused him of murder. She’s scared. Because Malcolm just admitted to killing someone - his biggest fear - and it was a lie. 
41:35 - Watching Bellamy Young’s facial expression as Jessica realizes that Ainsley killed Endicott is a thing of beauty. This woman needs an Emmy too. HELL, CAN WE GIVE THIS WHOLE EPISODE AN EMMY?!?! 
42:00 - Poor Jessica. The guilt she must feel. She’s always thought that Malcolm was the one at risk of being a murderer. He’s a boy (they’re statistically more prone to violence than girls), he was older than Ainsley, he remembers terrible things, Malcolm had continued exposure to Martin throughout his childhood (Ainsley didn’t - I think?). But the child she neglected, the child she thought was safe, the child she thought remained free of Martin’s evil killed someone. It’s a plot-twist that just ripped Jessica’s heart into a million pieces. 
42:30 - Yep. I promise you Malcolm has been psychoanalyzing Ainsley’s past behaviours since the moment she killed Endicott. He’s found traits common to serial killers and he’s terrified that she’ll become one if she remembers what it felt like to kill Endicott. He’s probably kicking himself for not noticing sooner. He’s probably questioning his ability as a profiler and as a big brother. AND the fact that MALCOLM has to protect Jessica AND Ainsley is heartbreaking. It’s way too big a burden. No wonder Malcolm’s mental health is on a downward spiral. 
42:33 - This is the moment Jessica begins grieving for Ainsley. The fear, disbelief, and horror on her face. It’s torture that I can only describe as someone telling a mother that her daughter is dead. Because Ainsley is dead. The person Jessica believed Ainsley was - that little girl is dead. Because Jess just found out the truth. 
42:55 - Jessica is now terrified of her own daughter. That is maybe the most upsetting thing this show has given us. 
43:00 - I saw an interesting theory about how Ainsley is regressing back to her childhood (crawling into bed with Mom, moving back in with Mom) and I must say - that would be a really interesting way for this story to go. Ainsley regressing to a child-like state as she is convicted of murder. As a result she ends up in the women’s ward of Claremont because she can plead insanity. 
This episode was amazing. Seriously, one of the best Prodigal Son episodes to date. Definitely the best of season 2 so far. If you’ve read this far - thanks for hanging out. 
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chalkrevelations · 3 years
Text
SO, Episode 28 of Word of Honor was a roller-coaster ride.
(Spoilers, as ever, so scroll away and come back later if you want to see it unspoiled.)
They managed two entirely separate scenes in this one that had me going “Did … did that just happen? Is this really happening?” Let’s get this one out of the way first: The scene of Zhao Jing in his serial killer lair with the altar and memorial tablets and his serial killer trophies. Y’all. I swear, scene opens with a shot from behind of drunk Awful Yifu in his Fantasy Ancient China underwear staggering through a set of doors into a room with candles and draperies, and before I was able to register the rest of the set design, my brain gave a terrified squeak and started rabbiting around like, “Oh my god, please do not let this be Xie’er’s bedroom. Oh my god, they wouldn’t actually go there, not even hinted, surely that would be too far!” Then my eyeballs caught up and registered the set, so I thought I was safe, but that didn’t even turn out to be the moment in the scene that had me going “Is this really happening?” (Although I do think the fact my brain immediately jumped to that scenario speaks to the creepy vibe the show has managed to build between Awful Yifu and Xie Wang). So, Zhao Jing is a sloppy drunk and absolutely shitfaced, stumbling around and yelling at his dead brothers, and I’m sitting here watching him, feeling like I need a shower, with my skin a little bit trying to crawl off my body, and then he picks up Rong Xuan’s memorial tablet and pours an entire stream of alcohol out of the pitcher all over it, and I say, out loud, to the screen, “Oh my god, they just had him figuratively piss on that tablet.” Only, no, they didn’t, because there was no need to have him do it figuratively because then, he literally whips it out of his pants and takes a piss on the tablet, complete with sound effects, and I’m open-mouthed, thinking “Is this really happening?” As some background, I grew up in mainstream U.S. culture where ancestor veneration isn’t formally practiced - although it isn’t an entirely absent part of our cultural mythos, it’s just that now when I when I offer cultus to the Patres Patriae, it’s deliberate and intentional – but I’ve been doing ancestor work in my particular flavor of polytheism for long enough, and intensely enough, that I had a visceral reaction of disgust and horror to this. Hand literally clapped over my mouth in shock, even after watching all of his ranting at his dead brothers and spitting at his dead shifu and just generally being a disrespectful asshole with delusions of grandeur building up to it. So, yes, show, you have indeed convinced me that Awful Yifu is the worst, even in an episode that also devoted that much screentime to Prince Jin.
Fortunately, the other “Is this really happening?” moment was at the other end of the spectrum, somewhere in the face of how married Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing are, which I cannot believe passed censorship. I know I keep saying that, but every time I think I’ve adjusted to how far they’re going to go, the show laughs gay-ly as it pushes the envelope another mile down the road. Truly, this show is the gift that keeps on giving where these two are concerned, and not just because of Zhang Zhehan’s face. I realize I had to spend 50 episodes deciphering Lan Wangji’s smallest microexpression (not that I’m complaining), but I can’t believe how expressive both Zhang Zhehan and Gong Jun are in these roles, with Gong Jun’s little sadness eyebrows when WKX wants ZZS to humor him, and how soft Zhang Zhehan’s face gets when ZZS looks at WKX, and how great they both are at making all this look like a pair of adults who are in an established relationship and confident of each other. I’d be as weak as Wen Kexing if Zhou Zishu pouted at me the way he does when he tells Chengling that he can’t do anything to help decorate the Manor except observe and direct because he’s oh, so injured and frail, poor him. Wen Kexing can laugh at Zhou Zishu when ZZS pokes at him by saying the papercrafter was such a beauty! (Compare this to his reaction back in the day, when ZZS deftly manipulated him out of bringing A-Xiang along on their honeymoon adventures by calling her a beauty and implying she might draw attention away from WKX!) Wen Kexing waves kitchen knives at Zhou Zishu in (somewhat fond) exasperation! Zhou Zishu now accepts Wen Kexing piling his plate with food at the table as perfectly normal! There’s no crying in Spring Festival! They send their kid outside to watch the fireworks so they can have sex some alone time! (Merciless killers. How the fuck so adorable?) Someone must have backed up an entire truckful of money to the house of someone very important to get this aired, because what is the heterosexual explanation for … any of this?
Other thoughts:
We continue to get small things that maintain the parallels between Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishou and Gu Xiang/Cao Weining, including the mirrored theme of finding a home with a welcoming family, shown through family dinner, and expressed through WKX’s description of his former self as a “lonely ghost,” echoing A-Xiang’s self-description (to Shen Shen in an earlier ep) the same way.
HAN YING! Listen, I am stupidly attached to this bit player, and not just because he’s a familiar face (because half of Wen Xu’s screentime in The Untamed was just a disembodied head hanging at the entrance to the Unclean Realm, so it’s not like there was time to get … attached). And I say stupidly attached because ever since we first saw the way he looked at ZZS with big puppy heart-eyes, I knew he was going to be a goner. I just know they’re gonna fridge him for the next step in ZZS’s journey, because something has to pry ZZS out of Four Seasons Manor, as much as I, personally, would like nothing better than to see 8 more episodes of wedded bliss for two gay dads and their son. (OK, one thing I would like better would be if their daughter and son-in-law came to live with them, too.) At least it looks like Han Ying will get to die taking a figurative bullet for ZZS, which will make him happy and might prevent him from finding out the Glazed Armor he’s so proud of bringing is actually pointless, because don’t think that didn’t hurt to know while I watched him being so proud of managing to get his hands on it. But I’d prefer he didn’t die at all, show. Also, why on earth are there only two (completed) stories under the ZZS/Han Ying label on AO3? Because yes, I have looked. I have the search open in another tab right now. Why haven’t more people taken advantage of this guy’s utter devotion for ZZS? How are people looking at the way Han Ying reverently brushes his fingers over the single white blossom on the wall mural in ZZS’s rooms back in Prince Jin’s palace and not falling all over that?
Xie’er, oh, Xie’er. You’re killing me, here. I need someone to rescue you, you desperate affection-starved little sociopath. So, to recap, last time we met, your Awful Yifu finally let it slip that he was never ever going to acknowledge your existence in public. So now, you’re being a very clever boy, setting up a scheme to manipulate him into having to publicly acknowledge you if he’s going to claim credit for your successes (because I’m sure you can’t even contemplate failure) in service to Prince Jin. So clever, but I hate to tell you, you’re clever at everything except learning from your mistakes when it comes to your Awful Yifu. You really learned nothing from Beauty Ghost, did you? Ugh, your sad little face as you watch your hot mess of an Awful Yifu while you wait for the maids to make tea – it hurts me. Please tell me you’re playing some kind of long game, and you’re just a really great actor. Because he’s sloppy drunk, and right now, watching your face journey, I think maybe you think that makes what he’s saying true – that he’s not guarding his words, and he means it when he tells you that of course he loves you and would never leave you. “Are you still angry with me?” Awful Yifu literally asks. “Alright, I’ll apologize. I was just mad. It didn’t mean anything. We’re together in this. I’ll always stand by you.” Xie’er, you have got to stop believing gaslighting abusive men who shovel that BS. This is what they call the honeymoon period in the cycle of abuse. Seriously. This is textbook. Please stop making the same mistakes over and over again. Maybe think about the fact that your Awful Yifu is, single-handedly, the reason the Department of the Unfaithful actually exists in the first place. He is THAT AWFUL. I would like to think actually seeing his serial killer trophy room will make a difference, now that you have some confirmation of what Tragicomic Ghost told you and not the ability to wave it off as part of some he-said, she-said situation where how could we ever possibly know the truth, despite the fact that Zhao Jing has shown he’ll stab anyone in the back in his quest for power? But, then, I also thought maybe learning last ep that he never planned to publicly acknowledge you would make some kind of difference. Are you going to roll the dice again, gambler? Because I’ll tell you right now, the house always wins. (Not that you’d listen to me anymore than you listened to Beauty Ghost.)
(Also, wait wait waitwaitwait. Waitaminit. This is pure speculation and probably way too out there to be true (oh, but, someone’s going to write this AU for me, right?) Hot-mess drunk yifu tells Xie’er that they’ve been depending on each other “ever since I picked you up and brought you back home.” I can’t remember if we know anything about Xie Wang’s background at this point, but it does sound like Zhao Jing might have literally yoinked him off the street to raise him. He … he doesn’t think Xie’er is actually Yan’er, does he? Only he kidnapped the wrong orphaned urchin by mistake? I’m just sayin’, thinking back to Shen Shen’s reaction to finding out Zhen Yan was still alive, it would be exactly the kind of thing Zhao Jing would do, to keep this kid that his brother(s) wanted to find hidden right under their noses.)
Chengling and the chicken. I can’t, y’all. And Zhou Zishu’s face as soon as he realizes what Wen Kexing is telling Chengling to do – he knows this is going to be a show.
Prince Jin, you are almost as bad as Xie’r and his awful Yifu combined:
Prince Jin: Zhou Zishu, you mastermind, your super-secret spy network continues to spread everywhere, including into my very own palace. Oh, the things you must be plotting against me!
Zhou Zishu, chillin’ at Plum Blossom Manor, day-drinking, dressing up in pretty festive robes, taking advantage of his disciple’s unpaid labor so he doesn’t have to raise a finger for himself, and providing his husband with sex so incredible he is never required to actually cook: “OK, my gay husband and our son-with-two-dads, how about we just stay here together forever and be happy?”
Also Prince Jin: *Creeps on Zhou Zishu like a gaslighting m’fker*
Anyway, if Prince Jin always knew what Han Ying was up to all along, is the letter about ZZS’s father a plant, with false info? It was just kind of suspiciously hanging out in the open on Prince Jin’s desk.
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outerbanx-4 · 3 years
Text
Dang Kooks
Prompt;; JJ and you had been friends since you could remember. While JJ being on the more “kook bad pogue good people” you tended to, while understanding where he came from, were a little more lenient. Until the day you ran into Rafe Cameron.
WARNINGS ;; Violence, angst, swearing, sexual content(no actual smut), fluuf(slight)
`this is my first time writing anything, so it will most likely be TRASH.
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The air was muggy on the cut today, pretty much clinging to your body the whole time you were walking back from John Bs chateau. You couldn't believe how hot it has been recently and were praying that it would cool off, even just for a day. The walk from the chateau to your house was a fairly quick one, passing by familiar landmarks with the dirt road underfoot. You surprised yourself a little when you decided to choose a different route home. 
Deep in thought about what you and your fellow crew were going to do later in life you had wandered a bit further away from your house then you had noticed. You were known to space out, “lost in the twilight zone” as JJ called it, from time to time especially while walking home.  Coming up to an older playground where the swings were broken and the latter to the slide was missing rungs here and there you decided to sit and think.
Without realizing almost an hour has passed, looking at your phone and the screen lighting up to tell you that it indeed was 5pm and you told your parents you'd be home by 430p to help set up for dinner, you got up and made your way towards the road and back to your house. While on your way you took note of the broken tree branches, and just the general unkempt state of the lawns you passed by. While unkempt isn't really unusual for this part of the cut, the storm that had recently brandished its way through the island seemed to only make it much worse. Sighing you kicked some rocks as you walked. 
“Now should someone as pretty as you really be walking by herself?” you heard a voice call out from behind you making you jump in surprise and go to retort about how you are indeed and big girl and can handle yourself the gravelly voice continues his words “especially with how some of you pogues act. Never know who you're going to run into” 
Rolling your eyes you turn around and groan inwardly as you see the one and only Rafe Cameron. Everybody knew him. He was the worst of the worst. With the second worse being Topper of course. Sanding there in his stupid khaki cargo shorts and expensive pink polo he eyed you up and down in a way that made your skin crawl just by standing in his presence. “What are you doing here Rafe? I thought you hated this side of the island?” the contempt and hatred flowing through your syllables easily. 
“Oh I thought what a beautiful day it was and thought to myself.. Hmmmm where can i go find some cheap pussy?” he wiggled his eyebrows at you in a suggestive manner. Looking closer in his face because even though you know rafe cameron is a horrible person you even couldn't believe he would be this horrible and nasty. Low and behold you noticed that his pupils were dilated almost to the point of his entire eye being an ominous jet black shade. 
“You’re gross Rofe Cameron, why dont you go find some stupid touron or kook to take advantage of?” you asked as you turned back around and started to walk away. By now you had managed to make it closer to your house. Breathing a slow sigh of relief you hoped you would be able to make it home without any more issues. 
Suddenly you felt a hand grab your wrist and yank you backwards, and as your body unwillingly followed the momentum of the pull and your head whipped around to see who it was that happened to be touching you you noticed; you didn't know if you noticed because you were now scared or because of something else, something e;se you had started to notice had been happening recently. You where right in front of your best friends house, and while he was generally not at home and at the chateau you hoped and prayed and sent everything you could that he was home, because it was Rafe who had grabbed you and pulled you into his chest. One of his arms securing you, unwantedly, up against his body making you let out a groan.
“Rafe seriously let me go!” you all but yelled, purposely talking louder in hopes someone would hear you. Your best friend, the neighbors, your parents, heck even your best friends horrible father! Just anyone that would come and pry this ass off of you. Instead of letting go he pulled you in tighter. Chuckling he spoke quietly into your ear “Shhhhh now baby you know you're enjoying this.” and with that he grabbed at your ass and latched his mouth onto your neck. At this point you were helplessly flailing your arms in any hopes that one of the many hits your arms did would make him release you.  At one point he let his teeth sink into your neck which caused you to let out a squeal that you couldn't contain and made him grunt in approval.
Suddenly Rafes entire body pressure was off of you and not pushing up against you and within not eve none second the muffled thudding of someone's fist flying into Rafes cheek bone was evident. Stumbling but catching your step you saw the tall silhouette of your best friend, JJ, standing in front of Rafe, his toned arm rippling with each punch he threw, you could see that blood started to pour as each time his fist drew back his knuckles where coated.
“JJ! JJ! Stop please, hes down im safe!” You cried and you ran up to him and grabbed onto his arm as he raised it. Knowing how JJ got in these you knew you had to something more as he threw another punch ripping through your mesly grasp. “J come on please stop!”
Thinking for a minute at how mad he would be if ke knew what you were about to do, hed scold and yell andbe mad but there was no one else here to hold him , to stop him. Pope went home to study, John B and Sarah were out doing god knows what and Kie’s parents where making her work all day. You had nothing else to do.
Watching as Rafe stumbled backwards stood up and he'd managed to get a good swing in and landing it right on JJs perfect peach mouth, and you saw his lip rip open an start to bleed, and his normally sparkling cerulean blue eyes seemed to be a dark and stormy grey color. His fist reached back again and about to step towards Rafe. This is when you make your move, running and standing in front of him grabbing his wrist again and yelling more worried this time.
“JJ please stop!” His eyes snapped to yours for a second, still stormy as they bore down into your eyes, they flicked back to Rafe and he tried to push forward again. You dug your feet into the ground and brought your other hand up to graze his cheek and pulled his face down again. The eclectic sparks shooting through your body surprised you a little as the radiated from each and every touchpoint that you had on his face. 
“Ya JJ listen to your girlfriend just stop” Rafe mocked your  voice as you held JJs face now in both hands as his fist started to lower slightly. The storm started to clear out of his eyes a little as he finally looked at you and slowly nodded. Stepping back he moved slowly out of your embrace and glared at Rafe. USing his voice for the first time, “Stay off the cut you damn kook, no one wants you here.” 
Turning away you both followed him, that is until all of a sudden Rafe  spoke up and said the one thing he never should have, “Yeah ok Maybank but make sure you keep your girlfriend in line, stop letting her dress like a fucking skank.”
You knew it was over and JJ just turned and smashed Rafe a hard one to the jaw and Rafe fell to the ground blood gushing from his nose as his eyes rolled back. JJ just grabbed your hand and walked you towards his house. “Y/N you ok? Did he hurt you?”
Shaking your head you relished the feeling of his rough hands in yours, he stopped in front of his house and lightly cupped your cheek and gazed into your eyes. His eyes seeming to be released of the storm, he leaned down and pressed his lips firmly to yours. Releasing your lips fro his but keeping his forehead on yours he goes “I promise i will always be here for you to protect you. I love you babe “
  Smiling and pressing your lips against his again you mumbled “i love you too JJ”
He pulled away and started leading you to your house. 
“Dang kooks.”
~~~~~~~~~
ok i know its terrible im sorry but it just fell into my head
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ikehorganics · 3 years
Text
HOW TO REDUCE BINGE
EATING OVEREATING,
AND BORED EATING:
disclaimer: i am aware that binge eating is an eating disorder, but not a lot of people have access to professionals to help them, and this guide could help a number of people struggling with binge eating, it could be successful to some binge eaters but not all. i hope this assists you, and this all comes from a place of good faith not malicious intent. i am also aware that binge eating does NOT equate to bored eating or overeating.
skip the preface if you want to skip straight to the tips!
PREFACE:
I have been in quarantine for nearly nine months, and I have struggled with multiple aspects of my everyday life that have had to be changed and adapted to the new rules of society. Since the beginning, I have always preached about staying in doors, social distancing, not going out to into open places without a mask etc because this is a direct reflection of the respect you have for yourself and the people around you. In this strong belief, I found myself struggling to juggle being a first year university student, my fitness, mental health, food and constantly being bored within my house.
Food was the hardest aspect, and with being surrounded by food 24/7, weight gain was inevitable. At first, I had not realised how I ate on a regular basis, I woke up at 6am, and would be at uni between 8am and 5pm from monday to thursday, where i would usually only eat one meal and a snack between that, whether it be left overs from dinner for lunch and an apple or piece of fruit for when i feel a bit peckish, and 2litres of water. My day consisted of four lectures ranging from 1 hour to two hours and walking around a lot because I hated sitting for a long time, and occasionally doing summaries or watching netflix between lectures. And when i got home, I had dinner and would go to bed. That was my routine and it was never truly surrounded by food constantly available at my every beck and call.
During quarantine, I was filled with procrastination and demotivation to attend lectures online or read my books. And all that extra time was filled with having an efficient workout routine and eating, but then that eating turned to eating quite frequently whether i was watching television, and mainly eating for the sakes of eating and in gross portion sizes because it was now available. Let's talk about how I broke out of that cycle of over eating and bored eating:
1. PLAN YOUR DAY PRODUCTIVELY.
I needed some direction in my life, I forced myself to plan every hour of my day so I can do something productive for myself. I planned the times from when I would wake up at 8am, to the time it took to fix my bed, brush my teeth, workout, stretch, eat my meals, nap, spend time outside, spend time on social media and more. Not only did my eating habits straighten out, but I got more done with my day.
2. SET EATING TIMES.
Setting eating times was the best thing I had ever done. Breakfast was always at 12 midday, lunch at 2 pm and dinner at 6pm, but these were my eating times, especially since i was intermittent fasting. These times helped me plan my day accordingly, between eating times I would usually fill my day with studying, and doing summaries, catching up with work I had missed. This helps especially if you have a restrictive diet or fast a lot! Restricting calories and fasting for extended periods of time only adds to the urge of falling into a binge cycle because your body feels the needs to refeed!
3. LISTEN TO YOUR CRAVINGS.
Listening to your body is so important. If you want to eat pizza for lunch, don't eat a salad, eat the pizza because it will be mor satiating than that salad or pasta that you might not want as much. Because that pizza might just pop into your mind late at night and you will have a little late night feast, this applies especially if you are counting calories. Having cravings are normal, and unless you are on a no bs diet that is extreme, you shouldn't deny yourself of something that you really want for something that won't leave your soul satiated.
4. DRINK WATER DURING MEALS.
I won't say much on this, but having water before, during and after your meal is so important. It aids in better digestion and adds to the feeling of being satiated when you are done eating, plus it's an easy way to get your water in. Replace that coca cola or soft drink with water, especially if you know you don't get enough glasses of water into your day.
5. LEMON WATER.
A cup of warm water and a wedge of lemon juice squeezed into it is super refreshing, sip on it throughout the morning before breakfast, to aid in digestion. Lemon water is a thing that is constantly brought up, and shut down for being "ineffective" but it works for me, and I believe that it is a phenomena of the mind. If you believe lemon water can help, it will definitely help you because you have manifested its impact on your health. Lemon water and warm water is one of those things that 'curb' hunger, and if you are one of those people who sometime wake up hungry but can't bring yourself to eat so early because it could make you nauseous, then water lemon water in a glass is the drink for you.
6. EAT WHOLESOME AND NOURISHING FOODS.
Calories are a touchy subject, and they add up very quickly very surprisingly. A bowl of oatmeal will have a lot of volume, leave you satiated and keep you full longer than toast and nutella. No one is saying do not eat the nutella, but adapt it into a meal that will leave you full and satisfied for example, if you want something sweet, heave oatmeal with a tablespoon of peanut butter or nutella inside of your oatmeal! Eat foods that will nourish you and give you enough energy to go about your day.
7. PORTION CONTROL AND PHYSICAL FULLNESS.
Portion sizes are all up to you as an individual and how satiated a portion size leaves you. Eat portion sizes that leave you satiated, but remember that being satiated does not equal to being so physically full that you feel uncomfortable as a result of eating too much. Being satiated is very difficult because sometimes you eat food that tastes amazing, and even though you are physically full, you feel like you could eat more and that becomes problematic because you've eaten past your bodies physical limit. Eating what you are craving ( number 3 ) comes into play with this aspect, as you have to be able to know when enough is enough. If you feel as if your portion sizes are huge and want to reduce them, then reduce it gradually whether it means you want to go from eating 4 slices of pizza to 2 slices of pizza, then begin with eating 3 and a half slices or eating one less scoop of pasta than you usually eat. If you have no idea how to stop eating past your physical limit, eat until you feel like you're just about to be physically full, do this for a week, and see how you will become satiated with the portions you are eating, gradually lessen the portion sizes overtime until you are happy with the amounts you are eating! This won't happen immediately, it is a gradual process.
8. DON'T EAT TOO FAST. CHEW YOUR FOOD.
A lot of the time, we do not realise how fast we eat and how we don't thoroughly chew our food. The food isn't running away, take your time to enjoy your meal and chew it instead of swallowing after a few times of grinding your teeth. Take in the flavour of your food and really enjoy it in the moment.
9. IT IS OKAY TO FALL INTO OLD HABITS, BUT BREAK IT AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
Nothing in life happens in a linear manner, everything is gradual and has its ups, its downs, its regressions and just general moments we are not proud of. If you find yourself in a binge cycle or overeating cycle for a day or a week, it does not meal all progress is lost. It means you are human, you are not engineered to be perfect constantly. Have a mantra for yourself that you repeat to comfort yourself: “it is okay, tomorrow will be better.” or “it was just one day, i can go back to normally eating tomorrow.” or “I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, it happens to everyone.”
10. INCORPORATE HEALTHY FOOD GROUPS INTO YOUR MEALS.
Make your meals satisfying and as colourful as possible! Don’t just eat pasta or pizza, eat it with something healthy like a side salad or a side of fruits or a side of healthy carbs like roasted potatoes! Never just eat one thing especially if it doesn’t have any greens or vegetables!! It doesn’t have to even be a salad or anything fancy! It can be cut up tomatoes, or cucumbers or apples!
11. HEALTHIER ALTERNATIVES MEAN YOU CAN EAT MORE FOR LESS.
Your oven, grill or airfryer is your bestfriend. Fried food is delicious, but you feel insecure at times after eating something that was cooked in heaping amounts of oil. Remember an airfryer is just a small oven, and can do wonders too. If you want a burger and you have time, home made burgers are always amazing and tastier than their fast food counterparts! Make your burger at home so you can control what goes into it, or make your fries in the oven so you can have a much more healthy alternative for less calories, and have more of it! I’m not saying make your burger buns something like lettuce buns, but making your burger at home can significantly reduce the calories in comparison to ONE mcdonalds burger, and you can have two for less calories than once burger if you make it at home.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Hopefully these tips can assist you day to day, and you take them into consideration and even test it out! These tips worked for me, and I know they won’t work for everyone but some of them might be helpful to you!
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every time i read an article where the writers call young adults “kidults” because they have to ask their parents for help with getting a home loan or a car loan or because they’re still living at home well into their 20s or into their early 30s or whatever; i roll my eyes and automatically devalue their opinion in the article as holding any weight.
like mate, maybe if the property market wasn’t so fucked here in australia that an extremely average and normal house can go for close to $1millon or over $1million in some areas (mostly in sydney and melbourne but it’s also happening down where i am depending on the area; and i don’t even live in sydney)….. which means many people need to ask their parents for financial help to get the at least $90,000 prep money to go for the loan….. maybe y’all should fucking do something to fix it so that so many people don’t default on their loans in 5 years.
like yeah sure you can blame young people for not knowing how to manage long term saving and their finances and stuff like that… but maybe y’all should take the effort to try and lower housing prices so people don’t need such a huge fucking starting loan price of close to $100,000. and okay yeah obvs idk much about finance myself but still. maybe you should realise it’s wrong that people basically need $100,000 just to buy a house now…. or something.
also. i listened to some radio show the other week while i stayed over my sisters house on my own; about how so many young adults just staying at home in general or for “financial reasons”. they had this dude on it who went on this spiel about how when young adults stay at home well into their 20s or longer; they miss big milestones like having proper relationships or getting married because they “never grow out of” wanting to stay at home because they just “don’t want to fly the nest” and then they went on the rant that “to think that in our day we flew the nest at 15!!!! these silly 20somethings never wanting to leave home!!!” they had points that if people stay at home til their late 20s they’ll probably struggle to hold down jobs because they “never mature” while living at home and other stuff like that.
again….. if property prices didn’t fucking skyrocket to a baseline of close to $1million and jobs that actually want to pay you a decent/proper and real tangible wage and don’t exploit you are fucking impossible to find for young people…. maybe then most of us would move out of home sooner??? if landlords didn’t take advantage of their tenants and stuff as well maybe then more young people would move out??? and also just the cost of even moving out to a share-house/flat or a flat on your own is expensive as hell too. like bonds are ridiculous as well. like maybe factor that in terry??? and just getting a job in general is fucking impossible when they want/expect a ridiculous amount of experience for someone just starting out in their 20s who just wants to work in retail/hospo or even in an office job. then during the pandemic many young people were literally forced to move back home anyway because they couldn’t afford their rent or to live generally with no fucking job because they’d lost their jobs after covid shut everything down. and many people are still finding it hard to get a job with job hunting. like for real. leave us the fuck alone.
like don’t get me wrong. i get those points on some levels, because some parents may continue to treat their adult kids as actual children even though they’re grown…. so they might excuse them from their household chores like doing the dishes etc still. but when parents treat their adult kids like actual adults and expect them to pitch in with paying board and stuff and let them have partners over and stuff…. then what’s the fucking big deal??? let people live their lives and stop guilting them for not “spreading their wings” when the economy and shit today makes it so fucking hard to do that.
like one of the interviewed people on that radio cast actually ran workshops in high schools for year 10-12 boys to learn sewing and how to use a washing machine and other domestic skills that guys usually get to avoid until they move out. but then another person on that show (a woman) was like “uh what’s the point of teaching people to sew/cook/wash their clothes nowadays when they should all be learning to code??? surely that’s a better life and job ready skill today??” etc etc. so miriam, you’re telling me that 25yo matt doesn’t need to know how to wash his own fucking clothes or even cook for himself because it has nothing to do with javascript???? you’re fucking kidding me right??? and if he moved in with his girlfriend deanna (for an example) that he’d be excused from his basic life skills and admin duties for his precious javascript skills??? fuck that. the guy’s a fucking fool if he won’t cook for himself/do his own washing/other household duties just because it has nothing to do with coding. get your head out of your ass, miriam; because coding isn’t the be all & end all of everything today.
but anyway yeah. i just fucking hate when journalists or whomever call people who still live at home in their 20s to 30s…. or even just any young adults in general “kidults” when the economy and society has made it fucking impossible for young adults to do literally any-fucking-thing if their parents aren’t relatively well off/rich, in terms of buying a house…. or just in general with trying to fucking live and get a long lasting stable well paying job; when so many fucking places just want to underpay you or just outright don’t want to pay anyone at all when you think in terms of “work experience” and “internships” or the worst fucking thing of all “exposure” if you think in terms of anything to do with social media/marketing/advertising or any other creative career path.
the above is why we can’t fucking leave home most of the time. because how the actual FUCK am i meant to even PAY RENT AND LIVE/EAT AND TRAVEL TO WORK when jack and lilly from some bs startup social media marketing firm in sydney want to only pay me in ⭐️⭐️E X P O S U R E AND G O O D V I B E S 😊😊😊 🎊✌🏻🙌🏻⭐️⭐️™️ and not with Actual Real Money™️; for my wasted fucking time travelling there and my overly exerted REAL EFFORT i’d have to put in to beg for the said exposure and good vibes to just work there and whatever other bullshit they write in their job description. like fuck off with your good vibes and exposure and fucking pay me lmao.
anyway that’s why i hate the term “kidults”
#life#about me#shut up ilona#ilona actually shares her life with her followers for once lol#i also get the points on some levels bc#dad bizarrely excused me from doing house chores like washing the dishes and doing the trash etc for years#*my#until i was like ‘uh if i move out to a sharehouse at any point…..#and im the one roommate who never: cleans/does the laundry/does the trash/gardening/does the dishes etc etc etc#what time of roommate would i fucking be????#i don’t want to be that person. and it makes me feel like i’m functioning#also when he went to hospital for surgery i HAD to do the chores like washing the dishes etc anyway#so that he could rest#and then my dad let me do those chores#plus there’s the fact that i don’t pay board like most young adults would#because my dads like ‘no keep your money it’s your money!!!’#but i always offer to help to help him with his credit card debts or pay off his loans and he says the same thing#but then i interpret my board as my seperate groceries/chemist stuff/meds and petrol as board#and also yeah the main reason i’ve never bothered with dating#is because my dads house is so messy so i can’t invite anyone in#and also because my dad doesn’t like having other people in the house in general#he’s even said that if i started dating that i can bring the guy over so there’s no point#*cant#and i hate that because i feel like i’m using the guy and/or using his family to stay at his/his fams house#and i can’t return the favour#like yeah i understand it on many levels lmao
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ellaenchanting · 3 years
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Hypnovember 2020 Master List
Now that I have awoken from my post-Hypnovember nap, it’s time to post my 2020 Master List! in comparison to last year’s entries, a lot of stories this year delved more into either more intense kinks or more of my intense personal feelings than my stories last year did. Sometimes writing stories is a bit like reading my own tarot cards in that way- letting an ambiguous prompt roll around in my subconscious and sometimes being surprised or amused or even slightly unsettled by what it turns into. I hope you will find something in this group of works that soothes you, that turns you on, that intrigues you, and that most of all provokes a response. If you do, I’d absolutely love to hear about it. :)
Copying one of my favorite @jukeboxemcsa  ideas, I’ve also included a HypnoBS rating for every work about how realistic the hypnosis/mind control is in each work (IMHO). In this ranking, 1 means to is absolute bullshit and 5 is a normal Tuesday night (for someone).
Icons- 📰- story. 🔊- audio 💻- technology 😍- romantic 🌈- queer 😴- regular ole’ hypnosis 🛀- brainwashing and/or character in tub 👻- spooky 🐈- at least one happy pussy ❓- bad or reeeally questionable consent 👨‍🔬 -science! 🤪 -crackfic #-#sceneideas 😭-feeeels ⭐-author’s personal favorites
Day 1: Instant M/f 📰 😴🐈#😭
Choice quote: “Sean chuckled as he moved in closer. And closer. ‘I thought you wanted to know what it was like to be hypnotized, sweetheart. To follow suggestions? To have someone else take control? It’s not real control if I’m doing something you already wanted, now is it?”
HypnoBS- 5. Read the whole thing but- IMHO totally plausible.
Fun Fact- These are the same characters from last year’s Day 5: Poison.
Day 2: Coils F/m 📰 😴 💻 👨‍🔬
Choice quote: “Daniel rolled his eyes. ‘I bet you could hypnotize me with a bar of soap if you wanted to. That still doesn’t make me like spirals.’”
HypnoBS- 5. Maybe 4 because I don’t love the induction but- maybe you will? Also- oh no poor Daniel is so conditioned that he’ll go under to anything Jamie does! How hard for him. :(
Day 3: Staged Hypnosis (Stage) F/f 📰 😴 🌈 🛀 ❓
Choice quote: “No one needed to know she was a plant. A confederate. A stooge.”
HypnoBS- 1.5. This would collapse like a house of cards. It’s a fun concept though.
Day 4: Psychic F/nb 📰 😴 🌈 😍 👨‍🔬⭐
Choice quote: “Something about the hypnosis- being in and out of each other’s heads and in and out of each other’s bodies all weekend- made her feel like she and Tris had merged in some way. Like there was a new, deeper understanding between them now- a telepathic bond.”
HypnoBS- 5. Maybe a 4.5 if you’re recognizing some nre magical thinking here. But- I’ve definitely had this feeling and this kind of experience- and I hope some of you have had it/will have it as well. :)
Day 5: Visor F/multiple 📰 😴 🛀 💻 👨‍🔬 🤪#
Choice quote: “Besides, everyone knew stormtroopers were kinky.”
HypnoBS- 4.5. Some of the exact details would need to be changed and thought through more thoroughly, but I absolutely believe you could do something like this if you wanted to. (And if you do, you definitely have to let me know. I know some of y’all out there go to Dragoncon.)
Day 6: Pendulum F/y’all 🔊😴 👨‍🔬
Choice quote: This is a trick I first learned from a science book I read in 5th grade.
HypnoBS- 5. The real thing.
Day 7: Song Aliens/the human race 📰 💻 👻❓
Choice quote: “Anna didn’t know what she was singing.”
HypnoBS- 1. I hope. Why do the song based stories always turn out so creepy?
Day 8: Performance unknown/f 📰 👻❓😴# ⭐
Choice quote: “With each snap, the gears inside her doll body click click click clicked into action. She turned, jerky but graceful. She was determined to do well. “
HypnoBS- 5 (if part of a fearplay scene, which is my headcanon for this story)
Day 9: (Hot Under the) Collar F/f 📰 😴🛀🌈 🐈#⭐
Choice quote: “She was wearing her collar. She was aroused. It was as simple as that.“
HypnoBS- 5 With time, I think you could do this. Maybe a 4.5 for the 30 minutes thing- that might lead to a bit too much cramping.
Day 10: Gentle 🔊😴
Choice quote: “Just look into the spiral....”
HypnoBS- 5. I hope.
Day 11: Summoning Sappho (Summon) eventual F/f I hope 📰 😴🌈 🤪
Choice quote: “In fact, the only ideas left to try on their brainstorming board included ‘sexy alien invasion’, ‘sexy witches’, and this. Shockingly, at this point a sexy seance seemed the most practical.”
HypnoBS-1. Although stay tuned for Femme Flirt 2021.
Day 12: Plants unknown/m 📰 😴🛀#
Choice quote: “If he focused, Chris could feel that new suggestion also growing stronger and stronger, becoming more and more firmly rooted inside of him. “
HypnoBS- 5, with the right person
Day 13: Artifact F/f 📰 😴🛀🌈 👨‍🔬 ❓
Choice quote: “She fumbled through the contents when suddenly her hand found something unexpected from her past.A red lipstick tube. An artifact.”
HypnoBS- 4? There’s different ways of reading this story, but my headcanon is that the consent here is pretty dubious.
Day 14: Tail M/f 📰 😴🛀❓👻#
Choice quote: “It was no use. She could sense her tail was still behind her. She couldn’t shake him. She should have known he’d come for her.“
HypnoBS- Let’s say 2. Although I think this could work really well for a fearplay scene in an appropriate setting (where someone wasn’t actually left unmonitored with extreme paranoia).
Day 15: Serve F/m 📰 😴#⭐
Choice quote: “He had put his heart and soul into the dish.They were hers now.”
HypnoBS- As a scene? 5 (depending on the person). As a long term effect, much lower.
Day 16: Memory F/f  📰 😴 🛀🌈 😍
Choice quote: “Mesmera waited for Galaxy Girl at the door.”
HypnoBS- 4, you could do an induction along these lines but -1 for psychic powers
Fun Fact: These characters were originally featured in last year’s Day 19: Hideout. 
Day 17: Toy F/f m/f 📰 😴 🛀🌈🐈 #
Choice quote: “Dolly hated to have Bad Manners. “
HypnoBS- 4.5. This is pretty deep into headspace, but I wouldn’t want to rule it out for the right person.
Day 18: Monster m/f 📰 😴 ❓😭⭐
Choice quote: “That kind of stuff wasn’t fair to think about here. It wasn’t everyone else’s fault that she was so warped.”
HypnoBS- 5. Ouch my heart. Poor young!Ella.
Day 19: Eyes M/m 📰 😴 🌈 😍
Choice quote: “Scott looked into his partner Brandon’s eyes. Brandon had hypnotized him so many times over the years in so many ways but- this was one of Scott’s favorites.”
HypnoBS- 5. Especially in a long term relationship like this. (In my pretend Hypnovember universe, these guys are some of the patriarchs of the hypnokinky convention scene and absolutely wonderful advice givers.)
Fun fact: The story of how these characters originally got together is in last year’s Day 12: Stage story. 
Day 20: Possession F/f  📰 😴 🌈 😍😭
Choice Quote- “Things that were hard to do for herself during these times became easier to do as something owned by Thadra. Taking a shower. Getting up and going to bed at the right time. Making sure she ran once a day. Making sure she ate.”
HypnoBS- Errr....4 trending upwards. Although for this to be safe and healthy you’d really need to be checking in with a therapist and working on your continuing mental health at the same time (IMHO). Please do not get relationship advice from my porn.
Day 21: Snaps 🔊😴👨‍🔬
Choice Quote- “No, that one was up.”
HypnoBS- 5. I’m not sure quite how this translates to audio but this is the kind of shenanigans I pull with friends all of the time.
Day 22: Restrict  F/f 📰 😴 🌈 🐈👨‍🔬 
Choice quote: “’Hmm. By ‘weird’ do you mean ‘hot’?’ asked Zahara, lounging above her on the couch. Nikki nodded. She definitely meant hot. “
HypnoBS- 2. A month is a long time and this is a strong reaction. But- maaaaaybe would work for a bit, especially within these boundaries?
Day 23:  Villain there’s a m and a f  📰 🛀👨‍🔬❓#
Choice quote: “They had been planning against that damned do-gooder reporter Lizzy Lampost for months and now they were about to finally have her in their clutches. “
HypnoBS-1. But you’re not reading this one for realism, are you?
Day 24: Drink F/f 📰 😴👨‍🔬🌈 😍
Choice quote: “’Leah,’ she said. ‘I’ve found a drinking game! This might be fun! Want to try it?’”
HypnoBs- 5. With the right person. (That part of the end might be a bit harder.)
Day 25:Worship: F/m 📰 🛀🌈 
Choice quote: “After all, it wasn’t the time to work right now. It was time to worship his Mistress’s cock.”
HypnoBS- Someone on AO3 told me this fic just wrecked them. Lucky that person- this one’s a 5. Maybe not with everyone, but an awful lot of people should be able to do an awful lot of the activities in this story. :)
Day 26: Fey M/f 📰😴 😭⭐
Choice quote: “Humans do not know the spells they weave.”
HypnoBS- 1 Only true in that metaphorical way. (So- really, really true. But not factual.)
Day 27: Recording F./m 📰 🛀❓👻#
Choice quote: “It’s a recording, he reminded himself. “She’s not there. No one is there.”
HypnoBS- 2 At least, I don’t know how to make this happen (outside of a consensual scene).
Day 28: Obsession M/F 📰 🛀😍👨‍🔬
Choice quote: “Some guys had cars. Some had computer systems. Some had home brewing. But Mark’s obsession was Julia.“
HypnoBS- Oh gosh. Errr...2.5? Hard to say. 
Fun Fact: This started as a one-sided scenario, then it changed, then it felt really hot, now it feels like a sweet silly sitcom premise. (If you want to read some episode synopses of this hypothetical sitcom, there are some brilliant ones here! Also- feel free to send me more!)
Day 29: Helpless F/m 📰😴😍
Choice quote: “’I want to be helpless,’ he replied. Juan felt his headspace changing. He threw himself into that feeling, trusting Josie to take the reins.“
HypnoBS- 5. Not a scene log, but pretty much How I Top.
Day 30: Awaken 🔊😴👨‍🔬
Choice quote: “Aaaaaand-awaken!”
HypnoBS- 5 Hypnotist BS- also a 5
Thank you all for reading these! Thank you especially to everyone who reblogged, wrote me comments, and generally supported me through this past month. I’m going to specifically single out @daja-the-hypnokitten​, @wellgnawed​, and @spiralturquoise​ for the encouragement- y’all are the best. :)  I know this is a long post, but I’d really appreciate reblogs of it!
Also, I didn’t have time to contribute myself but- if you donate to Hypnokink for Trans Lives, let me know and I’ll write you an epilogue for any of these stories that you choose. 
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thoughts-on-bangtan · 3 years
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just some thoughts without pretending to be the truth. i have a feeling like inn 2017-18 there was some weird (but not bad) tension between vmin. like jm was getting to know himself and tae was.. observing? idk. the way they glared at e/o and touched was sometimes too intimate and jm went totally shy. but know smth kinda changed and i wonder what is it now? bois are getting older? and some moments in LGO tae doesn't look at jm i guess. like it's him shy now. AMA live is where he looks past him
Okay before I get into it I’d like to ask three questions, not necessarily directed at the person who sent in this ask but rather more into a general discussion round:
what is the sort of behavioral pattern that a ship needs to fulfill in order for people to think “oh, they might be into each other” and “oh, I think X ship is in love”, that sort of thing? Is it loud, almost over the top behavior taken straight out of the older generation Idol handbook? Is it constant physical contact, constant affection through double-meaning dialogues?
if vmin were to exhibit such behavior, show us lots and lots of affectionate interactions on camera in nearly every piece of content we have, tell each other every chance they get that they love each other when the cameras are rolling, would that make them seem more real, or would that cheapen the ship and only lead people to say “vmin is fan service and there’s no chance they are actually real”?
if we agree on the hypothesis that vmin might by now be in a relationship of a few years, and they are both 25 years old, so grown men at the height of their careers, do you really think they would feel the need to showcase their relationship and legitimate romantic feelings to each other in front of the camera? Would they really want to allow millions of people (some with good attitudes and respect, many though without respect and only hate on their tongues) into their relationship?
These are the sort of things I think about and I’m always curious to know what others think and how things would be like if vmin were to behave like certain others, if those who doubt them would stop, or only see it as more of a reason to doubt.
In any case, to a certain extent I agree with the person who sent in this question, that yes vmin’s on camera behavior has changed, that while in 2017/18 it was more Jimin who was shy, it’s now Tae who appears shy more often. But, I don’t see that as bad or negative or sign of things not going well. At all. Since last year I feel like Tae’s attitude toward being an idol and everything that entails has changed a bit, as did his mentality especially after he went through burn out and generally had a hard time in the first few months of 2020. But that I think had nothing to do with Jimin. I think their relationship, however you’d define it, was fine for most of it, and I think after so many years of knowing each other (it’ll be nine this year) and being close friends and perhaps more, they know each other, inside and out, and know how to act in certain situations and depending on how the other is feeling.
But while there have certainly been instances in 2020 where Tae appeared shy when interacting with Jimin, there have also been moments where he didn’t. Take for instance their interview where they spoke about all their albums. Once they got to Wings and BS&T, Tae spoke about how he remembers Jimin’s charisma and how tempting he came across in it. Or the interview filmed in that little corner at a diner or something where Jimin was supposed to say which moment in Dynamite is his favorite where Tae touched his shoulder and Jimin basically completely blanked for a moment before smiling, giggling, and saying that his favorite part was Tae’s. Or that one interview where they sat next to each other talking about Dynamite and then all of a sudden they were holding hands for almost the rest of the interview. Or Tae cupping Jimin’s hand during a photoshoot which we saw in the behind the scenes glimpses from when they were filming the Baskin’ Robbins ads.
More below the cut since this kind of turned out a little longer than anticipated, I hope you don’t mind, anon:
I think a big deciding factor in how vmin behave with each other and how they come across on camera is where they are, as well as most certainly how they are feeling on that day. Tae said himself that on days where he’s feeling good, going to work and doing what they do is fun and he has no problem with it, yet when he’s not feeling well, it’s hard and he has to push himself more to do things. Besides, there is definitely a distinction between how vmin behave when they know a camera is watching, and when there isn’t one. It even shows in something as silly as, remember MOTS ON:E day 2 at the end of Hobi’s performance of EGO when the members join him? Vmin are dancing with each other, standing facing each other with Jimin doing some kind of almost like “I’m performing magic on you” hand gesture toward Tae BUT the second he realizes the cameras are on him, Jimin straightens up and pretends like that didn’t just happen and no one saw anything. Or their side hug on day 1 and silly dance during day 2 during Dionysus, that, too, was something not visible on the main cam, just a side one which they knew would not be available during the replay, so less people would see it. Or even that famous moment of them holding hands on the airport on Tae’s birthday in 2019 on the way to NYC after going up the stairs. They thought no one could see, so they held hands like it’s the most natural and normal thing for them to do because that’s just how they are.
On the other hand, a performance where I agree with the anon that sent the question is that during BangBangCon in June when they performed Friends. Admin 2 already back then told me how you could see how both of them, but especially Tae, were shy during that performance. Jimin in his March vlive talking about Friends said that Friends is a meaningful song for him and that it will be an emotional moment in and of itself if they one day get to perform it together on stage, and you could truly see that. They both seemed somewhat nervous, shy, and a little unsure in some of their movements, but it also showed a glimpse at their dynamic, how it was Jimin who hugged Tae from the back, who opened his hand to lace their fingers together and hold it, almost like that dynamic of “I’m large but he’s in charge”, you know? Why is that? Because not only must it have been meaningful to them to perform together in such a way, but also Friends is a deeply personal song to them, probably more than any of us truly understand. (song analysis by Admin 1) But, at the same time, Tae has no issue with being brave online, as in to go on Wevserse and proclaim that 95z is love, or like today, go and post seven pictures out of which three were of Jimin (4 if you also take into account the one with the mirrors) or to make Jimin’s birthday the password while playing games with ARMY. Perhaps the difference is that on Weverse, Tae is in total control of the situation, it’s a place where no editor will cut the scene or edit it, but whatever he’ll say and post, that will be exactly how it is. Of course people can misconstrue his words, but that’s something no one has any control over ever, and thus not the point.
The way I see it, sometimes they allow themselves to be silly together, to show each other affection and do more cute things, like Tae going to Jimin’s room in ITS and rolling over him, giggling and just being silly and then sitting next to him and caressing Jimin’s back since he was sick. Or Jimin waking up and limping outside to see where Tae is and ask if he’s all right that morning. But in the grand scheme of things BTS have so little privacy, so few things that are truly just theirs and not something they share with us, so they guard the small things precious to them from prying eyes and treasure it. And that’s the case for their relationship, regardless of how you want to see it, as well. It’s theirs, not ours. We’re just privileged enough to catch glimpses of it sometimes.
Like remember on the day they had their interview at KBS in the summer due to their BBH100 #1 where the TV station even showed their arrival? Remember how Tae and Jimin first shared their hand sanitizer, since Jimin used too much of it, and later on when they walked next to each other, first they looked at each other, like a silent question passing between them of “are we doing this?” and concluded that yes. Which was followed by them holding hands and Jimin even raising their hands together toward the camera with an almost a little challenging looking in his eyes, like he wanted to show that they belong together in such a public manner. Tae looked a little shy in that moment as well, but he agreed to do it anyway, so his shyness doesn’t necessarily have to be connected to Jimin, per se, but more the situation they are in and who’s watching them.
Also, a final thing that always fascinates me is how, when other members don’t show their affection in every piece of content we get, no one questions their love for each other, no one questions if X is real even if those two don’t interact all too much for a while, people still think they’re close and whatnot, as example. And yet when vmin don’t interact in every interview and every other piece of content we get, immediately the questions begin if they are still close, if they are still together, if they’ve had a fight or if they broke up. And if they do show affection, it’s immediately equated to “it’s just bros being bros”.
Ask yourself: is an interview about their new song or album really the right place for “ship” moments? Is every performance the right place for it? And what if on that particular day one or the other or both simply weren’t feeling well? Or what if they simply hugged or whatnot before the performance and thus felt no need for a repeat on stage? They are professionals, they are musicians, and if we do get absolutely adorable moments like Tae taking a piece of confetti out of Jimin’s hair during their duet moment in LGO, that’s a precious gift, and not something we should demand/expect seeing every time. Would those moments still feel as special as they do now if we got the every time?
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zhuhongs · 3 years
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Since rewatching the guardian drama after reading the novel has made me mad about how bad and good both of them are I am Obligated to write out a list of what I think the perfect merger btw both versions of canon are. This will be in list format otherwise I’ll end up writing like 6k words again. 
TLDR: the genre stays as supernatural from the novel and not Sci fi, bc that was rlly not fleshed out well. Shen Wei is a ghost king, and all the dixingren are ghosts or demons like originally intended. The ghost race naturally exists and wasn't born from kunluns shoulder fire or anything. They just exist separate from humans. Not all ghosts are former humans, some people are just born as ghosts, like Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan has the guardian whip and all the cool stuff that comes with the Guardian order.  Overall, i’d keep the novel’s plot and relationship progression and ending without the backstory. Instead the backstory is a merger of both canons. From the drama I’d keep the characterization and themes as well as like half the extra cases and omit the other half. 
I’ll be elaborating much further on my ideal backstory and other stuff under the cut bc the rest is 1.5k and I don’t wanna clog the dash 
Okay SO In my ideal backstory there are two timelines just like the drama but the mythology of the book. The god Kunlun is actually zyl that went back in time and became a god. But the one that went back isn’t the current Zhao Yunlan. There has to be an original timeline where the god Kunlun never existed. Thus the great seal nor the separation of the three realms don’t exist either. Zhao Yunlan must go back in time to become a god, meet Shen Wei in the past, and create the current timeline where the separation exists but isn’t perfect. The current timeline is the one that the majority of the series takes place in.
In the original timeline, Zhao Yunlan is just some dude living in a world where ghosts, fairies, and all other beings just live in a giant free for all and it's kinda just a mess. 
Like there’s government in modern context and all and all races live with each other but there's constant tension. ZYL works at some equivalent of the SID (same staff and side characters, but novel vers. Lin Jing is a monk, CSZ a zombie, etc) to protect people and all that and their job is rather hard. One day encounters the thousands year old ghost king Wei (who isnt shen wei yet bc zyl gave him that name in the future) who works alone as like a rouge cultivator of sorts. He lives on the surface undercover as a professor still bc he’s trying to not catch Yezun’s attention but does all the stuff he normally does as Heipaoshi. The two ally together for a case and bc they both have the same goals of getting all races to live in peace. At current, there are forces working together to decimate the human race, all lead by Yezun
As they work together they become closer and all that. Shen Wei tells him about how he was unable to prevent the great war 5 thousand years ago and neither could the gods so  he’s spent the past 5 thousand years trying to make up for it. As they search for ways to stop Yezun, they gather the 4 hallows and learn how to use them to manipulate time so ZYL can go into the past and stop the great war and separate the three realms (living, dead, ghost).  Shen Wei wants to go back with him but he can’t because he was alive all those years ago so if he goes back it will create a paradox. ZYL promises he’ll find Shen Wei in the past and create a timeline where they could be together in peace (that is the current timeline)
When goes back he becomes the god kunlun because there needed to be a new god born at the time to prevent the war.  Also this time traveller looked promising to Nuwa, Fuxi, and Shennong. And I know in the guardian universe gods are usually born and ppl don’t become gods. EXCEPT this can happen when a god passes on smth from their body onto them bc that did happen in the novel with Kunlun making shen wei a demigod. And since fu you and ma gui are supposed to be gods Nu Wa and Fuxi I think that when they die, they should make ZYL a god and that's how this stuff happens.
So like ZYL explains to the gods the time he came from and how he wants to save everything and they make him a god and he works to save everything just like he did in the drama but this time with the novel plotline. During this time he meets young Shen Wei (he’s still like a hundred or so years old) and they get close and all the stuff from the backstory happens. He gives him his name, all that good stuff. The entire time doesn’t let him know that he’s from the future or that his real name is ZYL. He just poses as kunlun. 
The two of them alongside the other gods (who still die at the times they do in the novel) work together to end the war and establish the great seal and set up the cycle of reincarnation, per the current timeline. Although the seal and cycle of reincarnation aren’t perfect. Gods can’t reincarnate, and ghosts still don’t have souls. And just like the novel, doing all of this kills ZYL bc it takes a lot of energy to create the seal even though it isn’t perfect.
Shen Wei of course doesn’t want ZYL to die and zyl says it's alright because he fixed the timeline so there must One day they will meet again and ZYL reveals the truth about the timeline to shen wei before he dies. This becomes the promise that Shen Wei mentions to meet again. Before he dies, ZYL gives him the shoulder fire as a memento ( i still like the candy wrapper necklace deal but i’ll take this too. Maybe both.. The pendant is still just rlly cool.. Gay ppl)
Shen Wei knows gods can’t enter the cycle of reincarnation and still makes the deal with Shennong to strip Kunlun of his godhood and let him reincarnate. This sets us into the novel timeline where isn’t allowed to meet any of zyl’s reincarnations before he becomes zyl otherwise he will die and also fuck up the timeline. The same 5 thousand years of pining still ensue bc Gay Ppl and i love making Shen Wei suffer but he doesn’t have the shrine room thing bc i think thats weird and yea.. Bad. 
In the meantime Shen Wei does a lot of things mostly just protecting the great seal and working for Hell to keep the peace but still does other stuff. He still watches out for ZYL’s reincarnations but doesn’t do much besides make sure they don’t die a premature death. They meet again finally at the beginning of the series and the timeline resumes like canon. And that's my master plan that merges both drama logic and novel logic while making a much better timeline. (I hope that makes some sense)
Da Qing is still Kunlun’s pet cat and important. Novel backstory applies to him. And I already mentioned him kinda but as for Yezun (Gui Mian in the novel) his deal is similar as in the drama but just a ghost. And he is a big player in the great war, he thought Shen Wei abandoned him as a kid but they were just separated. Shen Wei doesn’t know it's him till the end of the war and couldn’t stop him in the OG timeline and vows to bring him to justice and make amends. Shen Wei continuously tries to explain things to him but he just won’t listen and is imprisoned in hell bc yk… war criminal stuff and yeah he’s the main antagonist trying to break the great seal bc he’s still made about the past. Idk. Yezun wasn’t well written in the novel OR the drama so like… honestly he just needs to be completely rewritten and I don’t care enough about that. He can just be a weak villain idk
the drama characterization stays the same for everyone else bc found family go brr. However for Lao Chu i… hmm… i think he should still be a zombie but the reason he killed someone should be related to his brother. I like that addition and then shen wei realized his sentence was unjust and exempted him. i like that storyline merger. bc the brother thing and him admiring Heipaoshi was drama only. in the novel lao chu just murdered some kid for a rlly whatever reason.
uhhh in terms of the cases… id make adjustments to most of them. i think the li qian case should be like the drama bc the novel just had her as a murderer and it was boring. 
For the mountain river awl one was fine… novel version was funnier and more interesting action wise tbh… rip zyl and his exorbitant flirting. uhhh the whole reveal that shen wei was the soul reaper thing was kinda… ehh in the novel but i did love the comedy of afterwards Shen Wei pretending he went into cardiac arrest when he actually just… has no pulse bc he's a ghost. 
ID KEEP THE WORTH IT SCENE AND RAIN SCENE… THOSE FUCK SO HARD… I love the drama for adding those every damn day. the novel version of zyl losing his sight sucked and was sooo boring.  Keep the drama version on that.
also id keep dr. cheng. i'm very pro dr. cheng and her friendship with shen wei it adds so much to his character imo. keep the fruit seller man and his wife for the merit brush..omg it adds SO MUCH the way the drama did it.. like the drams build up with the novels pace of that arc.. mwah. it felt like it dragged a bit in the drama but if it went faster and without the hospital ep and with sha ya (sorry sha ya) that would've been so good. tho keep novel version of da qings memory loss and lao li. that was rlly impactful.
id say keep some of the cases like the mirror one, the eyes doctor one, etc. just to like.. yk have more to fill in general.. novel pacing but drama characterization without the bs that wasn't fully realized. and novel ending ofc. And that’s it!!
I hope most of this makes some amount of sense  but it probably doesn’t. In my head it all tracks but like ik most of u don’t know anything about the novel so this sounds like gibberish. Also I know this would literally never happen but this is MY ideal merger of the two canons that I feel compelled to expand on for some reason. Anyways, as io said,, we need to rebuild guardian. Like literally let me and the mutuals write Guardian and it will be 500 times better.
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