#i spent most of my conversations with them over the phone last year basically just saying life sucks and that i want to kill myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thefrontofmymind · 10 months

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Unknown (matty healy x reader)*

WARNINGS: THIS IS SMUT, IF I FIND OUT A MINOR READS THIS IM TELLING UR PARENTS

a/n: this is a part 2 to all things end, this one is based off of the song unknown by hozier. listen to it, it's such a good song

You spent months living your life before you let yourself think about him again. You were invited to a dinner party at the Hann’s, it would’ve been weird if he wasn’t invited. You were thinking of it as something of a preemptive strike against yourself–finally thinking through and addressing your relationship with Matty.

It’d been easy so far, he’d been away on tour so things in your flat were like they always were, apart from the day after you knew they’d all gotten back when George showed up to your flat, asking for some of his things. You let him take most of Matty’s things, from a list you saw he was reading off of from a text on his phone–a guitar he particularly loved, some of his clothes he didn’t pack for tour, and his stack of full notebooks he’d compiled over the years. He let you keep all the records housed in a floor-to-ceiling shelf in your living room. You knew there were some especially rare ones in the collection, ones you knew he tracked down after years and years of looking.

You decided the best way to really digest everything you’d hid away in a locked-up cupboard in your mind was to write a letter. You didn’t go into it thinking you’d ever give it to him, but you just wanted to write down all the things you wish you could say to him, so you could start again with a clean slate of sorts.

Dear Matty,

To start out this letter, I should tell you that, even now, I think I’ll always love you. Of course you knew this from our last proper conversation, but it’s still true now over 2 months later. We did so much together, you’ll always have a piece of my heart, and I hope mine your’s.

I try not to think about you when I see the ashtray I made for you during that week of quarantine when I got really into pottery. It still sits at its home on the window sill of the bathroom. I try not to turn my head too quickly when I’m out in public and I hear a Northern man speaking behind me. I don’t think I can ever watch True Romance again without thinking about my favourite song, I don’t think I could listen to Fugazi again without thinking of that goddamn t-shirt you wore until it was covered in holes.

I never said it enough, but I’m still so proud of you. For everything. You are a true image of dreams being accomplished, you’re basically a legend in the making. I know you never liked me inflating your ego too much, but I hope you’ll take this compliment at least this once.

This could be misconstrued as a little selfish, but I hope you’re hurting as much as I have been. I hope you struggle to think of me, I hope you reminisce on the good times and dwell on the tough times. I don’t know where you’re staying at the moment, I’m still getting all your mail so you mightn’t have gotten a new place yet, so you’re probably staying with George or someone, but I hope there’s things that remind you of me. Like those cufflinks I bought you for the first of your birthdays we spent together or when you see a movie on Netflix you know I love.

I hope that when we see each other again, there’s not a shred of any contempt in my heart. We don’t have to be friends, but it would kill me if we couldn’t even speak.

Love From Me

As you folded it and slid it into an envelope you felt so much lighter. And with it placed at the bottom of the drawer of your nightstand, you felt like you could breathe freely–for the first time in months.

Now you just had to face him. A task easier said than done, even with your previous exercise, it was a bandaid that made the pain bearable.

The evening of the dinner, you made sure to look your best. Not for Matty, no. You needed to show everyone else that you were fine–you were sure Matty had told them all about what happened, and the only one of his bandmates you’d spoken to was George. It was a shock when you got the text from Carly asking if you were free, you thought the end of your relationship with Matty would mean the end of your friendship with the people around him. Not to say you weren’t pleasantly surprised, just a little bit caught off guard.

You did a quick once-over before you headed out the door, and in the least self-conceited way, you’d never looked hotter. Your makeup was perfect, your hair had that fluffy, 90s supermodel look, and you were wearing a dress that fit you like a glove, in a colour that was the perfect compliment to your glowing skin.

On the drive there you were trying to psych yourself up. It wasn’t a big deal…You could do this. Even as you were walking towards the front door and you could hear laughs inside, you kept telling yourself you would be okay…even if you didn’t believe it all that much.

Only about a second after you pressed the doorbell, you were greeted with the sight of the one, the only Jamie Squire.

“How are you, kid?” He asked excitedly, giving you a friendly hug.

“Oh…You know,” you answered. Because he most certainly did know. You held up the mid-priced bottle of red wine you brought. “Where should this go?”

“Oh Carly’s in the kitchen,” he said.

You were glad to see Carly alone in the kitchen, checking on whatever meal was in the oven. She was just as dolled up as you–you were glad you wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb.

“Carls!” You called to her as you entered the kitchen.

She excitedly turned and gave you a hug, and gave you a compliment on your makeup. You were always grateful for the friendship between The 1975’s WAGs, past and present.

“So where’s the little rockstar?” You asked, you always loved spending time with Baby Hann, as one of his godparents you’d spent many days playing along with any game he could come up with–which were becoming more and more inventive as he got older.

“He’s at Ad’s parents’,” she answered, you frowned. “Hey, we need a night off every so often!”

“I know…I know…” You joked as you poured a glass from the bottle you brought. “Well then where’s your lovely husband? Need to tell him he should help out his wife.”

“He’s in the living room with everyone else…” She got quiet at the end of her sentence.

“Hey,” you said in a serious tone. “It’s okay, I can be around him.”

“You’re sure?”

“I think.” You laughed.

“If you say so…” She went back to preparing some kind of sauce on the stovetop, leaving you to wade into the unknown.

You followed the noise of laughter and talking. You were greeted with the sight of George standing in front of everyone else, telling some insane story of his–and the band’s–youth. He trailed off mid-sentence when you entered, and his audience all whipped their heads around to look at the interruption.

Immediately everyone stood, each taking turns to greet you with a polite hug. Last was Matty, he hung back as everyone else said hello. You were so distracted you didn’t notice him at first, but when you did, it was clear how he’d been doing. His hair was longer than before, but not in a way that seemed like he was trying to grow it out, he had a light sprinkle of stubble, and the suit he wore–a staple for him recently–was wrinkled and it looked just a little too big on him.

You politely gave him a kiss on the cheek. You were engulfed in the scent of his cologne, a scent you didn’t realise you missed so dearly.

“How are you, love?” He asked. Love. Sometimes things don’t change, you thought.

“I’m alright,” you said with a bright facade. “Busy with work.”

“Good! Me too,” he answered.

Soon you were whisked away by whomever wanted to talk to you next, not even given an opportunity to say goodbye.

And that was how it went for most of the evening, you’d somehow end up standing next to each other, and someone would intervene. You couldn’t blame your friends, they just wanted to minimise the tension, but there was nothing that could be done about your heart shattering more and more every time you got a look at him.

It got later into the night, and soon the group began to get thinner and thinner. At just a few stragglers left, you saw Matty in the back garden, smoking a cigarette and scrolling through his phone. It was time.

Maybe it was the bottle of wine giving you the courage, but you knew you couldn’t end the night without a proper conversation with Matty, it would be just plain rude not to.

He didn’t react at hearing the clunk of your heels on the wooden deck he was sitting on, only when you sat down right next to him. All he did was offer you a drag of his cigarette which you took, like old times.

“I’m glad you came,” he said after you handed the ciggie back to him. “Here, I mean.”

“Me too…” You answered. “Was a fun night.”

“Did you see how pissed Charli was?” He smiled. “G had to carry her to the car.”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” you laughed. “So…uh…where are you staying at the moment?”

“I’ve been bouncing around…” He answered. “Here for tonight.”

You nodded. He seemed quite content to keep scrolling on his phone in silence, but you didn’t want to quit.

“Do you think we could be friends?” You asked. “One day, I mean…eventually.”

Matty looked at you–properly–for the first time since you sat down. “I hope so. Just…”

“What?”

“I need to get over some stuff before that,” he said, nonchalantly, stubbing out his cigarette on the wood of the deck. “Like…I don’t think I’ll ever love someone the way I love you. Like ever.”

Your heart sank at the admission. Everything you’d done to prepare yourself to face him calmly suddenly went out the window.

“Then what are we doing?”

He looked confused by your question.

“Why are we both miserable and just not doing anything about it? Why did we decide to split up if this was how it would end up?”

You were admittedly a bit drunker than you realised at first, you’d never have as much courage to talk to him about all this if you were completely sober.

“Because…” He started. “We run our course.”

“Who says?” You could feel something–Anger? Passion?–bubbling up. “Why should we suffer doing something that neither of us really want? Why were we so rash with all this?”

That last question was more to yourself, why did you give up so easily? You could see Matty’s eyes had a slight gloss to them, yours matched them.

“I don’t know.” Was all he said. And it was enough to solidify your decision of what you were about to do.

You began to lean forward, strong eye contact between the two of you. Matty met you in the middle and before you knew it you were engulfed in the warmth of his kiss, now letting the tears flow freely. It was some kind of cathartic release, all pent up over the last few months.

You didn’t break away until you were in desperate need of air. You both caught your breaths, just staring at each other. Eventually Matty let out a small chuckle.

“What?” You asked, confused but matching his grin.

“Was just thinking…” He started. “I’m supposed to stay here tonight…And I don’t know how I’m gonna sneak out to spend the night with you.”

You laughed. “Well that’s very presumptuous of you.”

“Well I know my audience…” He quipped. It was true, he knew the kind of person you were, as evident when you brought him back to your flat after your first proper date and silently begged him not to judge you–which he didn’t.

You both sat in silence for a little while, a comfortable silence. You didn’t want to go back inside, you felt safe in just Matty’s presence. But you were thinking, how would you explain this to everyone? Simple, you didn’t have to. As much as you loved the band and everyone that came along with them–your family–you did like being alone some of the time. And you thought it best to be alone right now.

“Well I’m going home,” you said, standing up.

“What do I do?” He asked.

“I don’t know! Come up with some excuse! Like you need another pack of fags or something!”

“Carly doesn’t like me smoking here! I had to sneak that one!” He pointed to the butt that was sitting crumbled on the deck next to him.

You sighed. “Just come up with something?”

He laughed. “I’ll try…”

You bid a farewell to the last of the group, and thanked the wonderful couple for hosting. As you turned the ignition of your car, a sense of excitement ran through you. You felt like a teenager again, sneaking around with a boy that made you giddy.

When you got back to your flat, you hurriedly tidied as best you could; making your bed, drying and putting away the dishes you’d left on the sink. When you finally had the time to get a look at yourself in the mirror and saw the sight before you, you quickly refreshed your makeup, fixing your smudged lipstick and creased concealer.

And then you waited on your sofa, after you poured yourself a glass of wine to keep your fearlessness going. Time ticked by ever so slowly. You must’ve checked your phone about two hundred times over the course of about 50 minutes. Eventually you heard a series of rapid knocks at your door, it could only be him. As soon as you opened the door his lips were on yours, feverish and rough.

“What took so long?” You asked in between kisses.

“Had to wait for everyone to leave…” Another kiss. “And then for Hann and Carly to go to bed.”

You just smiled. You had the adrenaline of a horny teenager.

In a flurry of clothes being stripped off between biting, hot kisses, you made your way to your bedroom. A task that was easy for Matty, purely for muscle memory.

There was no need to warm up to it. You straddled Matty and engulfed him in another kiss that almost made you melt.

“You want me to wear a condom?” He asked in a string of breaths, trying not to focus on the heat radiating from you on his thighs.

“I know I’m still clean, are you?”

“Of course.” Was his way of saying there’d been nobody else, An admission that made you beam.

You took gentle hold of his cock, running your thumb over the tip and eliciting a moan from him. And even more as you slowly lowered down on him. It felt comfortable, like home.

As you began to bounce, keeping firm eye contact with Matty, you could feel a bubble start to form in your abdomen.

You felt your spine turn to jelly when Matty placed two firm fingers on your clit, massaging it in a familiar pattern that you hadn’t felt in months. You were rapidly approaching the edge.

“Ma–Baby…” You began to get out. “Al-almost there…”

“Do you want me on top?” He asked, you nodded.

In a flash, Matty readjusted you so you were laying on top of the mattress, lifting your hips up just a little so he could hit that spot, over and over and over again.

You were biting your lip to stop from letting out the most guttural moan, you just about drew blood. But you just couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Once Matty had hit your g-spot one last time, you just unravelled underneath him. He kept thrusting as you ran out your high, but it wasn’t long before he was emptying into you and collapsing next to you.

In a hazy silence, you both were laid on your bed–yours and his–catching your breaths. After a few minutes of recovery, you sat up a little to look at Matty. He was staring at the ceiling with the biggest smile you’d ever seen on him.

“You alright there?” You asked, with a smile of your own.

“Yeah just…” He took a second to gather his thoughts. “Just really, really happy.”

“Me too.”

The rest of your evening–in a word–was still. You were sat in bed, now under the covers with legs intertwined, just talking. Talking about anything, everything, what you missed out on each other’s lives in the past couple months.

But there was one thing you wanted to tell him–needed to tell him. It was whispering at you from the drawer of your nightstand.

“I have something for you,” you said.

“Oh?” Matty asked with a smile as turned away from him to retrieve the envelope. “Is it a good something or a bad something?”

“Good, I think.” You handed him the envelope that had ‘to Matty’ scrawled on the front. “I wrote it a couple days ago, I just wanted to get all my feelings out.”

As he opened the envelope and quickly scanned the paper within, he got the memo. “A letter for me?”

“You don’t have to read it, or if you want to I can leave the room if that makes it easier…”

“No, you don’t have to…” He said with urgency. “Just sit with me?”

You nodded and shimmied closer to him as he read. It took a couple minutes, after he was done, he folded it back up and placed it on the nightstand on his side of the bed. You finally looked at him, he had tears in his eyes.

“I…” He said shakily. “I love you so much. And I’m never letting you go again.”

#matty healy x reader #matty healy imagine #matty healy smut #matty healy fic #matty healy oneshot #Spotify

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apollosdrunkenmixup · 1 month

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Please drop more Old Man lore I gotta know what else he's been up to

lol. Ok I’ll go over the stuff I’ve mentioned before as well.

This man is 83 years old (I got it wrong last time) and gives me a lift to bookbinding every other week or so. It’s an hour both ways and so lots of time for chatting. He is called Dave. 30% of old men are called Dave. I have zero fear of him ever seeing this bc I don’t think he even owns a mobile phone.

1) the first time he drove me he informed me he doesn’t like ‘this woke brigade nonsense’. He is completely unaware that I am trans and thinks I am just a cis boy who failed at puberty. I am looking forward to seeing his face when I drop that I have a boyfriend.

2) He has several hobbies including ballroom dancing, gliding, and writing poetry. He regularly tries to persuade me to take up gliding. I do not have the money to take up gliding.

3) He met his wife when they were teens and they’re still together.

4) He drives like he’s gliding. It really strange and apparently his wife hates it. As he’s approaching a roundabout he will take his foot of the accelerator several hundred meters in advance so the friction of the car on the road will do most of the deceleration for him. He has so far explained this to me 3 times.

5) He’s lived in our county (in England) his entire life.

6) We have an army firing range where he lived as a child. When the soldiers had finished shooting him and his mates would go down and collect the cases and spent bullets. They then melted them down in an old saucepan. The indents in the tops of bricks were used to pour the molten lead into to make solid blocks. These blocks were then sold to the greengrocer for a few pence. This they used to buy sweets. He described doing this at age 6.

7) He used 6 as an example of what kids should be doing instead of playing on their phones all day.

8) ‘Before phones, we were kicked out onto the street in the morning and played with whoever was about until supper’. Sir you were unsupervised children playing with lead and ammunition.

9) In the same conversation as 6 he talked about how there ‘too much health and safety nowadays’. He did not seem to see the irony.

10) Last time I saw he I mentioned I had to do some research about Americans in my county during WWII. He then proceeded to talk about his few memories of WWII (he was a toddler during it). He told me about ‘siren suits’. After much questioned he basically said it was a onesie that mothers found easily dress their toddlers in if there was an air raid. Bc you do not have time to put socks on a child during an air raid so they get dumped in the human shaped sack.

11) He also talked about how he got stuck in a blizzard one time for two days. In England. I can’t remember what year. I don’t know why he was trying to walk anywhere in the middle of a blizzard. But the first night he slept inside a snow covered haystack. The second night it was so cold that he would have probably died of frostbite/hypothermia if he did that so he walked all night instead. He dropped this casually in conversation like it was nbd.

I may update this if I remember other stuff or find out more.

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yueisyum · 1 year

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Favourite moments (dtai)

Note: These are basically just memorable conversations between mc and haechan. They are all different times throughout the years of their friends ship- but all before the winter trip. Remember that these are moments that the reader doesn’t want to acknowledge. Things that she can’t come to terms with yet.

Any more questions? LMK! any suggestions? LMK! Any feedback? LMK!!

(After you meet jeno and the friend group, you had spent two years with them. They consider you family now. And as much as you hate to admit it, they are your family.)

Johnny had hosted a hangout party on Friday night, you had a lot of fun and ended up sleeping in Johnnys bed while he slept on the floor. You woke up at lot earlier then you wanted to. Your phone said [6:48am]. You tried to fall back asleep but ended up staring at Johnny’s ceiling for 15 minutes. So, with a long groan you literally crawl out of bed and head to the living room.

You could hear the sink running and dishes clattering.

Who the hell would be doing dishes this early.

Haechan…

“Oh! Good morning” he smiles when he sees you. You glare at him and sit at the breakfast nook. “This doesn’t count as morning” you declare, dropping your head down onto the counter. “No?” Haechan laughs and turns back to continue the dishes. You look up to eye him and his clothes. “You wore that yesterday…did you sleep?” you comment and he chuckles, glancing at you. “You wore THAT yesterday too”

You look down at your outfit and realize your in the same sweatpants and top from yesterday as well. “But I’m glad you cared enough to notice”

“Oh shit, I probably smell” you lift up your arm to see if it’s obvious. Ignoring his comment in the process. “You always smell y/n. You can use my shower if you want, I have clothes if you need em” he’s still cleaning some cups and plates, placing them in the second sink to dry. “Why are you being so kind today?” You narrow your eyes at him and he turns to look at you. “I’m always kind”

“You told me to kiss your ass yesterday” you remind and he snickers at the memory. “Because you told me my ass is flat, I can’t have anyone insulting my back side” you hold back a giggle.

“I’m serious though, you can use my clothes if you want” he continues. you bounce to your feet and make your way to him. You refuse to acknowledge his kindness. It’s odd… he’s definitely up to something, or maybe he finally got laid. He jumps when he senses your presence next to him. “So why are you up so early?” You ask, beginning to pick up some of the plates in the second sink and drying them with a hand towel.

He doesn’t respond for a moment. But out of the corner of your eye, you can see a smile on his face. Most likely because you decided to help him. “Johnny tells me you don’t believe in love?” He turns to you, but continues wiping the plate clean. The change in topic catches you off guard.

“That came out of no where” you muster a face, but make it your mission to avoid his eyes.

“Just wanna make conversation” he shrugs leaning over to reach the last of the dirty dishes.

“Then let’s talk about Shihyun and her little antics last night-”

“-Deep conversation” he corrects, before you finish your thought.

“That’s not exactly your strong suit Donghyuck” you laugh and begin taking the clean, dry dishes and putting them away in the cupboards. Your footsteps can be heard making their way around the kitchen.

“Actually it’s my specialty, you just refuse to realize it” he turns off the faucet and turns to watch you make your way around the island. His back pressed against the counter and his eyes follow you.

You think for a moment. Why would Johnny have brought that up anyway. What combination of topics could have lead to your name and love?

“It’s not like I don’t believe in love, I’m a very strong believer in it actually. I’m just… afraid that it doesn’t believe in me” you explain, while placing the items where they belong through the kitchen. You know where everything is by now. This is basically your second home.

You didn’t mean to say THAT much. But he did say he wanted deep conversation.

“You don’t think you can love?” He raised his eyebrows and nodding in understanding.

“No. I don’t think people can love me without-…” you stop your movements. Your body facing away from His.

“Without?” He waits eagerly.

LEAVING

“‘Just have a hard time believing somebody would want to stay with me forever” you continue as if nothing happened. “So you mean you don’t think someone can love you without leaving or falling out of love” He smiled, proud that he put it together. You don’t respond, instead putting the last bowl in the cabinet.

“Do you think that maybe some people left… because they love you?”

“-This is too weird, i feel awkward sharing this with you.”

No you didn’t not really. It felt comforting that someone wanted to listen to your issues and caring enough to give advice at that.

“Would you feel better if I told you how I feel?”

About what?

“I think I’d feel better if we talk about anything but this” you try to laugh but it doesn’t reach your eyes. Finally truning to face him. You two stand in either side of the kitchen to look at each other.

“How about Jeno?”

“Jeno? What about jeno?”

“Is there anything going on between you two?”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Why?”

That’s not an answer.

“Maybe I’m jealous, the girl of my dreams likes jeno more then me.” he shrugs with a stupid grin. “You’re ridiculous”

“Ridiculouslay in love with that pimple on your forehead” you grab the towel you had put down and threw it to his head, while your other hand flys to your head to cover the spot. He caught it while laughing like he actually said something funny. You mutter an “Asshole” Heachan places the towel on the counter behind him, then takes a moment to look at you. And you look at his forearms, he had lifted his sleeves to wash the dishes. “You have such a filthy mouth” The way he was looking at you was weird, different. You couldn’t explain it. He watches your shoulders rise and fall.

“Stop staring” you demand.

“You’re staring at me”

Your lips twitch into a smile, trying your hardest not to giggle. “You act like a toddler”

“It’s your fault”

“No, it’s yours” you make a face at him. He can’t help but smile.

“Oh and I act like a child?”

Suddenly you hear a door click shut in the hallway… Haechan’s door specifically. A women in nothing but a big t-shirt and socks slides down the hallway. Haechan furrows his brows when you look towards the sound, he can’t see from his spot in the kitchen. “Haechanie?”

The womens voice calls for him and for some reason, you hate the sound of it. You hate the way her wavy brown hair falls at her shoulders, and you hate the shirt she’s wearing because you know it’s his.

“Oh- hi” she fronts a smiles when she notices you. You offer an awkward smile in return. Haechan quickly pushes off the counter and joins you to look down the hallway. When she sees him, she puckers her lips and holds onto herself. “Channie, where did you go?”

Channie!? What the hell is that.

You try your hardest not to laugh, bringing your hand to your mouth. “I uh- I’m Just cleaning up from yesterday… do you want me to walk you out?” He’s standing right next to you. The girl looks at you then back to haechan. “Walk me out? Are you going to walk her out?” She looks away from you. Only pointing in your direction. She definitely didn’t know who you are. Maybe she thinks I’m his girlfriend and that she just slept with a taken man. And she definitely feels threatened by your presence, especially because of how close he is to you.

He doesn’t respond. He just looks around the area thinking of somethi-Anything to say.“Hello?” She continues, her annoyed tone sends a shiver down your spin.

Uh oh

You’ll admit, it made you feel a bit better to know that whatever happened between them last night wasn’t serious. But you also hated the thought that haechan definitely slept with this girl and is now basically asking her to leave.

“I’m going to go find Johnny…” you mutter under your breath. Whatever was about to go down, was none of your business. Slipping past him and her down the hallway, you make your way back into Johnny’s room.

You have absolutely no clue what happened after that but you tried not to care about it.

Why would you?

ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ

“Come in!” Haechan yells from his gaming chair, he doesn’t bother to turn towards the door when he hears the Knock. The music from outside his room gets louder then quiet, as the door opens then closes. His fingers are attacking the keyboard in concentration. “Who is it?” He asks, his attention still fully on overwatch. “Y/n” you whisper. When you entered, you stood awkwardly at the door.

Haechan turns around before your name even made it fully out of your mouth. “Y/n?” When he sees you, with your hands folded in front of you and your eyes scanning his room; he can’t help but beam at you. “Miss my company already?” He exits the game, as if he couldn’t give two shits about it anymore, and gets up to ready himself to help you with anything you need.

“There’s too many people out there” you explain, and shift weight form foot to foot. “Yeah… that’s the point, it’s a party” he laughs, but drops it when he sees your nervous face. It was serious, you wouldn’t even look at him. But he still tries to joke anyway. “Aww, Are you feeling overwhelmed princess?”

“Stop donghyuck, can I just… stay in here?” You plead, his heart stops when you won’t even return his playful banter, you must really be upset. “I promise I won’t bother you. You won’t even realize I’m here!” You continue. He’ll know your here, he won’t be able to forget that YOU are in his room. “Yeah that’s fine” he rushes over to his bed to fix his comforter and throw random clothes items into his laundry basket. “Sit here” you take a deep breath, and smile to him “Thank you. I would’ve gone to Johnny’s room but there’s a couple in there-“

“-You don’t have to make excuses. I know you just wanted to see me.” He smiles when you smack his shoulder. he can see your lips curl up, he’s glad he got a smile out of you. You Sit down and slide off your shoes. “Do you want to watch a movie?” He stands above you and analyzes your features. “I don’t mind, just don’t wanna be out there”

Is she crying? No

Freaking out? Maybe?

Anxiety? Definitely

Upset? I can’t fucking tell

“Then a movie it is! Something funny? Scary? Sad?-“

Is it about jeno?

Why is it always about jeno

“Donghyuck I said I don’t care” you try to laugh, buts it’s obvious your frustrated.

He nods and plays a random Disney movie. After playing it he climbs into the bed next to you. you wanted to complain but is his bed- and you don’t exactly mind him next to you. You felt a lot better knowing he was there. Halfway through he turns to you. “Are you feeling better yet?”

“Why? Want me to leave?” You said in a humorous tone, but the question was genuine.

“Yes” your face drops. “Are you serious?”

He laughs and turns around to pause the movie. “Jeno told me you two fought”

“Why do you always want to talk about that stuff?” You cover your face with your hands. He doesn’t respond as you slouch further down onto his bed, until you’re basically laying down. “He’s upset with me, and I don’t even know why.” You remove your hands to look at him, he only hums in response. “Do you know why?” You ask, sitting up on your knees. The action catching him off guard. “No” he tries his hardest not to smile when you lean in to examine his face.

“He told you we were on bad terms, so he must have told you why”

“I didn’t say Jeno told me-“

“-yes you did!”

You’re really close now. Heachan refuses to look at you. “It’s probably because he found of how insufferable you are”

“Lee donghyuck! You tell me right now or so help me god I will-“

“-it’s about our summer trip” his eyes close, he’s sacred that if he sees your face so close to his for another second he’ll risk kissing you. “The trip? But I’m not even going, I have to study… what? Why are you looking at me like that?” you finally lean back and he takes a deep breath. “That’s the point, we’re upset that we aren’t a priority to you”

“We? Are you upset too?” He can’t handle the way your watching him so closely. “No”

“But you said ‘we’ who else is upset then?”

You continue to watch him. Hoping to see he truth in his eyes.

“You flunked out on last years too, and the years before that, and Every time, it was for studying”

“But I go on other trips. I even promised to go on the winter trip! For winter wonderland or what ever it’s called” You look upset and and slouch down again. He rolls his eyes half heatedly. “I kinda feel like there’s a specific reason you don’t want to go…” haechan begins, his features soften and you leans back against his headboard.

“No deep conversations Dongyuck” you glare at him, hoping he’ll drop it.

“But those are the best ones” he continues to watch you, waiting for you to give in.

Fuck it.

“You are all really close… and I feel like your summer trip is a close friend thing.” You shrug, looking away from the brown haired boy. Haechan sits up to shoot daggers at you then scoffs. “Y/n, you have been a part of this family for two years. You are a close friend. Don’t be ridiculous. You always do this, you always choose to see things your way” he’s upset at those words. Really upset.

You roll your eyes. “I do not. I just don’t want to push myself into something I don-“

“-You should come, if you ever feel left out or uncomfortable. I’ll be there for you to talk to”

This is too much. Too intimate.

“Nonono, I never feel uncomfortable around you guys, or left out! it’s not that at all haechan. I’m just being overdramatic”

You call him Haechan, hoping that the name will remind you that you two are NOT close. He didn’t look to happy with that. But he doesn’t say anything about it.

“So you’ll go?”

You think for a moment. He looks at you with his stupid puppy eyes. they DID NOT effect your decision. “Yeah, I’ll go”

“Good, it’ll be fun.

“Mhm” you offer a smile and lay back down. “So now that we have finally had a decent deep conversation… wanna fuck?” He jokes, his eyebrows wiggle and he bits his lower lip. Of course he would say something like that.

You want to kill him, You really do. Why is he always the one that solves your problems, how do you always end up opening your heart to HIM. Why him?!

“I change my mind, I don’t wanna go” you hiss in response to his stupid joke m.

Your roll over, facing away from him.

“Oh you’re going” he can see your body moving from your giggling. And he smiles to himself.

ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ

You wake up to snoring. Your eyes adjust quickly to the darkness of the room. The moon shines through the curtains of the window, And you can even hear the waves from the beach from your bed. You turn over in the bed to a figure, you can see shihyuns face, her mouth laid open and you smile through your sleepiness.

She’s the one snoring. You place your hand to your side to scavenge for your phone. When you feel it, you bring it to your face and the brightness attacks you. “Shit” you whisper. When your eyes finally recover, the clock says;

[2:27am]

You sit up and look around. The bed next to yours and shihyuns was occupied by Chaewon and Yejun. Yejun was outside of the covers and she is holding onto Chaewon, who was fully immersed in the comforter.

When you make your way to the door of your room, your feet quiet and your breath low. Carful not to wake anyone up, you slowly turn the handle and creek open the door open. You see light coming from the living room. The beach house was silent, (other then the waves and shihyuns snuffling) so whatever was playing in the tv had no sound.

You turn the corner to find Haechan sitting on a blowup bed. Alone. He noticed your movement immediately, As if waiting for it. “Hey there” he smiles at you, the bags under is eyes evident. From what you can see, he’s wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. You whisper a ‘hi’ scared that speaking at a normal tone would wake up the whole house. “Why are you up?” He shuffles to the side, gesturing you to join him. The bed makes noises as he moves. Noises that you would laugh at if you weren’t so tired.

“Why are You up?” You ask, taking the spot next to him on the almost deflated bed. As you sit, you sink down. the dip of the bed almost made you lean into him. “Couldnt stop thinking about you” he jokes, at least you think he was. His tone was unreadable, maybe because your still half asleep. He looks at you, Making that face he always does.

“I’m flattered that I’m the one ruining your sleep schedule” his face drops and you laugh, the soft noises leaving your mouth causes him to smile as well. “So what are you doing up?” He asks again.

“I can’t sleep”

“Because…? Of me?” He smirks. And you can’t help but think he looks attractive. What the fuck is wrong with you.

You shake your head with a laugh. He’s so unbelievable. “Shihyun was snoring” you correct and he nods.

“Oh of course” he laughs, but he doesn’t look away from you. You laugh with him. the only light decorating his face, and yours is the tv and the moon shinning through the huge sliding glass doors covering the entirety of one wall. The curtains are open and the view of the beach is fully revealed. You take a moment to look out to the water. It sounds cheesy but the light reflecting off of it was relaxing. And you just realized that he must have slightly opened the door. The wind, that is more untamed then during the day, is filling your ears. The oddly pleasant sensation of goosebumps on your skin makes your body unconsciously lean towards his firm frame.

You close your eyes appreciating the feeling. The sounds the smells and the sight. You hate to admit it but; You’re actually glad Haechan talked you into coming to this summer trip. It was the most fun you’ve had in a while.

“Y/n”

“Yeah?”

“Do you enjoy my company?” You turn to him. His eyes already trained on you… you’re not even sure if he ever looked away. “What do you mean?”

“I mean exactly what I said... Do you find me annoying? Do you hate me?” He’s so serious, and you wonder if a maybe your dreaming. Why is he asking such a rhetorical question? Where did it come from? What prompted it?

Do you hate me?

“Um…”

“Be honest, no games, or jokes”

Do you find me annoying?

You pause. Shit… do you truly find him annoying? No. You never really did. You were just scared to like him. Scared that if you two were truly friends it would become more for you. And that was terrifying. But You don’t hate HIM…

You hate the way you laugh at his jokes, even when there really aren’t funny, and You hate the way you find yourself smiling at the sight of him.

You hate the way he makes you feel what you feel.

You hate that he doesn’t let you believe what you want.

You hate that, even after trying your hardest to act like you hate him, it’s obvious that you love him…. But that thought would never leave your lips. Always telling yourself that it’s stupid, that your not that close or that you two barley know each other… but the truth is; you are and you do. You two are closer then you want to admit. You hate it-

You hate that You love him…

You had been fidgeting. The thought of accidentally saying any if that out-loud terrified you.

“Hate is a strong word-“

“Then do you dislike me? Y/n…. You’re kinda taking a long time to answer” he’s desperate, you’ve never seen him act like this, it’s so foreign. His fist clench and his breath hitches.

“I’m thinking”

“You have to think about it?” He sounded hurt. But you’re sure he meant for it to come out nonchalantly. He’s worried, and his eyes look glossier then usual.

You sigh and try not to smile at the puppy eyes he definitely doesn’t realize he’s wearing on his face. The expression was cute but sad at the same time.What is going on?

“I don’t hate you”

“We are past that. Do you dislike me?” He shakes his head, unhappy with your response.

“No”

“Do you find me annoying?”

“I guess you have your moments- why are you asking me this?” He takes a moment to think, his eyes flying around the dark room. “I’m just, checking. Your hard to read” he wont look at you, apparently he finds the fabric of the bedsheets more interesting then you. He seemed to relax after that. But you aren’t happy with the lack of information your getting.

“Hyuck? did you actually think I hate you?”

Hyuck? Where did Hyuck come from!? He looks at you with a expression you never really see from him. The nickname catching his attention. To explain it simply; his eyes almost sparkled, and his lips form a cheeky smile.

“Well, You did have to think about it” he response. Finally laying back. His mood changed like a switch. “Anyway, I’m glad thats settled, you can sleep out here. I won’t snore, promise” he adds, acting as if he didn’t just ask you the most obscure questions. You watch his eyes close and his body relax. Wait- was he really up thinking about you!? Wasn’t he joking!?

“That’s it?” You ask, remaining seated. “Why? do you want to keep talking?” He peeks at you with one eye. His playful banter returns. You hate that you don’t hate it. “I would like some context. Would you have gone on the rest of.. however long thinking I really hated you? What if I didn’t come out here? What if I stayed in the room? When would you have asked me this?”

“I guess I wouldn’t of asked at all. And can you blame me? You always act like you hate me”

“I do not”

“You do” he eyes close once again and you cross your arms over your chest in annoyance.

I DONT do I?

Gnawing at your lip, you fight between arguing or letting it go. When you don’t move haechan sighs. “Just lay with me.”

What ever you were thinking if before is long forgotten.

WHAT!?

WHY DID HE HAVE TO SAY IT LIKE THAT!?

WHY- HOW SID HE SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE!?

you huff, trying to slow your heart rate and make the sounds of you catching your breath unnoticeable. The sentence had sounded so... natural to him? Haechan laid on his back, one hand resting at his chest and the other behind his head. “Y/n” he calls you back to reality.

“Give me second” you sigh and he raises an eyebrow. “For what? Trying not to fall for me?”

Yes

“No”

The smirk on his face was apparent and dreadful. “Trying not to throw up on you” you bite, then lay next you him. Your arms are still crossed and your face remained upset.

“So cruel” his eyes are closed again and a soft smile covers his face. “Goodnight princess” You smile at that, knowing you shouldn’t- but also knowing that he can’t see it. So for now… you’ll allow yourself to feel what he makes you feel. Just for tonight.

“You shouldn’t ever feel like you’re hated… I’m sorry if I did that… I don’t hate you Hyuck.”

I love you.

“Your not annoying and your don’t make me uncomfortable. You are the one person that tells me what I have to hear, not just want I want to. And I appreciate it. You deserve to know that”

You don’t know why you are allowing yourself to say this much. But he does deserve to hear it.

“Goodnight Hyuck” you turn over, facing him with your eyes closed, Petrified of his reaction. You hear shuffling and an arm wrap around you. The heat of his body, and the soft breath form his mouth calmed you. You would be freaking out or pushing him away any other time. But just for tonight…

You relax into him, your breath slowing and your head clearing of any thoughts. You felt relaxed, safe, tired- loved.

Loved? -

“Thank you y/n…” he whispers and his arm tightens around you. you smile into his chest.

This is not weird or intimate- it’s normal, so you shouldn’t be feeling the way you do.

Your welcome Donghyuck.

ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ִ ۫ ּ ˖ ་⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ ˖⭐︎ ִ ۫ ּ

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missmeganlee · 8 months

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I re-read and (re)watched Red White and Royal Blue so let's talk about it

Grab your popcorn guys, gals, and non-binary pals I'm writing this on my laptop instead of my phone so you know it's gonna be a long one

To preface, Red White and Royal Blue is one of my favorite books of all time and it brought me so much joy to re-read it in preparation for the movie. Casey McQuiston's writing will never not make me laugh out loud. But it's because I love this book so much that I was suuuper apprehensive about the announcement of a movie adaptation. That being said I think the movie lived up to the expectations I had for it. I think I would’ve enjoyed the movie more had I not just read the book

TLDR: I thought that the movie felt like the bare bones of the book and lacked the emotional depth that the book had. 2/5 stars as a book to movie adaptation. 3/5 stars just looking at it as a movie and not an adaptation

Things I Liked About the Movie

ZAHRA! I loved her character in the movie so much. In terms of side characters she was definitely the one that felt most faithful to the source material to me. And I think every time she was in a scene she made it 100x better. She was definitely a scene stealer for me

The banter between Alex and Henry. ESPECIALLY in the montage of texts they send each other in the beginning of the movie, which was taken basically word for word from the book. I think it was important for the movie to get this right because their banter is basically the foundation of Alex and Henry's relationship.

I also really liked how they shot the text conversations and the turkey phone call

The confrontation at Kensington Palace. By far the best scene acting wise for both Taylor Zakhar Perez and Nicholas Galiztine

When they were both at the piano and Alex started playing "My Country tis of Thee" and the Henry joined in for the final cadence cause the melody is the same as "God Save the Queen" that musical symbolism was just *chefs kiss*

That one reporter who questioned Miguel about Alex's right to privacy

Alex reading One Last Stop when they’re on the hammock in Texas. Great little easter egg for fans of the book and Casey McQuiston

“Baby” “Alex?” 🥺🥺🥺

The New Year’s Eve party where it’s just them standing up while the crown dances

The interview montage. That was hilarious

The nervous tick Nicholas Galitzine added to his performance as henry where he twists his signet ring, and then when Alex twists it when he wears the ring *chef's kiss*

Things I Didn't Like About the Movie

The pacing felt off. Everything felt rushed to me. We got 3 sex scenes over the course of 10 minutes; that is so unnecessary. I don't think enough time was spent establishing our characters and their relationships to one another. In fact their entire romance felt rushed to me. especially in the first half of the movie. I don't think it was necessary to have their first hookup at the white house and then the scene immediately afterwards being their hookup at the polo match (as much as we all love that scene in the book). Without the added context of what Alex had to cancel on and talk with Zahra about to get to the polo match I felt that Alex's need to be with Henry again and that longing was lost. In the same vein I don't think the turkey scene had the same amount of weight in the book. It was played as thought they had spoken on the phone before which they hadn't, so that was a big step in their friendship and relationship, but I think that emotional impact was glossed over. And in general the emotional depth to Alex and henry's relationship felt lacking to me. I think more time should've been spent showing us their emotional intimacy rather than their physical intimacy cause Alex's almost "I love you" in Texas didn't feel earned

The characterization of a lot of the characters. Because I had literally just finished reading the book the day before I watched the movie everything is still extremely fresh in my mind and because of that a lot of the characters felt very one note to me. Like Bea is 1/8th of the character that she was in the book. They took away her spunk and made her into this very typical prim and proper princess of England. What happened to the girl who "accidentally" pours hot tea into her brother's lap to make him shut up? And my girl Nora... if I hadn't known from reading the book that her and Alex were best friends and had a previous romantic relationship I would've never known that was the nature of their relationship in the movie. The way she's painted in the movie is that she just works on the Claremont campaign team and just happens to be the granddaughter of the vice president. And yeah her and Alex are friends, but best friends? I just wasn't getting that vibe from them in the movie. And it also made me mad that on New Year’s Alex just kissed two random girls at the party instead of Nora which was their tradition. Also was it ever mentioned in the movie that Nora was bi? I think they conveniently skipped over that part in the scene when her and Alex are talking about Henry. If Nora's only purpose of being in the movie was to provide a little insight to Alex's very minor sexuality crisis and some emotional support I don't understand why that couldn't have been June instead. Last thing I'll say about characterization is that I wish they had balanced President Claremont with mom Ellen better. She had some good mom moments, but I really wish we had gotten the scene from the book (or a scene similar to it) where after the emails leak Ellen clears the conference room to just talk with Alex and check in with him and how he's feeling as a mom and not as president of the US. Which leads me to my next point

The lack of the white house trio and the super six. Not gonna rehash my thoughts on Nora, but I think it's insane that June was just completely eliminated from the movie narrative. Like she was one of Alex's main support systems in the book and like the whole magazine poster thing in the book was cause of her too. June knew Alex sometimes better than he knew himself and I think it was a shame that he didn't have someone like that to lean on in the movie. (Also the lack of gay subplot between her, Nora, and Pez. What a shame). Speaking of Pez, it really bothered me that they only called him Percy in the movie. Yeah that's technically his name, but it's like only people who don't know him call him that. If you know him like Henry and Alex are supposed, to you call him Pez. I missed the found family aspect of the story that came with the "super six" and I think both Henry and Alex could've used that support from the group of friends in the movie. It felt very much them against the world in the movie when they really had so many people supporting them (bringing it back to my need for more mom Elle scenes, like her "I'll back your play" line in the book).

Miguel. Ugh. This guy. The movie needed an antagonist so they decided to create an entire new character instead of making some nuanced commentary about how dirty (unfortunately) American politics can be with the inclusion of Rafael Luna. And I think the thing that pisses me off the most about Miguel is that they didn't even link him back to Jeffry Richard's campaign. And with that omission it just seems like Miguel leaked the emails to get back at Alex for not wanting to sleep with him again or as a guy who just wanted to break his first big story to be seen as a serious journalist. And I also think it reduces the severity of the crime Miguel committed by not linking it back to the Richard's campaign, which would be conspiracy against a sitting president and lead to a federal investigation (took that straight from the book lol) (maybe they felt it was hitting a little too close to home). And the fact that whoever leaked the emails faces. no repercussions in the movie or even any mention of potential consequences is criminal (no pun intended). Again I feel like it reduces the severity of the crime. AND HOW FUCKING DARE THEY GIVE MIGUEL THE "FUCKING EYE LASHES" LINE

The fact that Alex calls Henry baby in the movie exactly once and never calls him sweetheart CRIMINAL

Some of the dialogue felt very clunky to me "... and I'll bother you no longer." What was wrong with saying "and I won't bother you anymore"?

Lastly (though I'll probably have more to say after another watch), the quality of the production of the movie was lacking at some parts. I hated how obvious it was to me when one scene was shot at an irl location versus a scene shot using green screen or a fake background. And the lighting specifically didn't help with some of those scenes. Everything just seemed a bit too bright some times

Ha ha ha I actually thought of more but these are more minor complaints that these things were omitted from the movie. The fact that they referenced but didn’t do the whole PowerPoint scene. I really wanted to see Uma Thurman do that scene lol. The fact that “Your Song” by Elton John wasn’t included at all. THE FACT THAT ALEX DIDNT CALL HENRY AN OBTUSE FUCKING ASSHOLE. No mentions of Star Wars. WHY DID THE CUT THE CORNETTOS SCENE

Oh another minor thing (but I think it's kinda big). The house in Texas is supposed to be Spanish style not the modern looking thing we got in the movie. The symbolism of that house representing a core part of Alex was just poof gone

#red white & royal blue #red white and royal blue movie #red white and royal blue #rwrb #rwrb movie

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gingersnapwolves · 11 months

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Okay y’all it’s been six months since I last posted so you know what that means! Time to rant about my family! Specifically this post has to do with my brother’s dog. Feel free not to read but I genuinely need advice on this topic since I’m basically at a loss. tl;dr how do I visit my parents without getting eaten by my brother’s dog???

Backstory: My brother and SIL have a dog named Rex (3M). They got him from a rescue at some point during the early days of the pandemic (but not for pandemic reasons, their elderly dog had passed away about a year previous and they had been talking about getting a new one for a while). He’s a mutt, probably some boxer, probably some Rhodesian Ridgeback, who knows what else. Relevant to the story: My parents (in their 70s) live with my brother and his family about 45 minutes away from my wife and I.

Last year, my dad began to complain to me about Rex, saying he barked constantly (I could usually hear him during our phone conversations) and he could be aggressive and badly behaved on walks and he was worried about it. I said Rex was probably bored and needed more activity and that they should call a trainer to help out (my brother and SIL have more than enough money for a good trainer). My dad said that they actually did have a trainer at one point but neither my brother nor SIL reinforced the training afterwards so the dog basically ignored them. My brother apparently approaches dog training the same way he approached parenting, which is to say he ignores the bad behavior until it annoys him and then he yells a lot.

When we were there at Thanksgiving, the dog was super disruptive. He barked all the time, especially if he saw a “stranger” (there were a lot of family members there he didn’t meet often) somewhere in the house.

Bonus backstory: I actually used to be afraid of big dogs. I had a bad experience with a German Shepherd when I was 7-8 years old. When I met my wife and found out she loved big dogs, we had to work on that for quite a while before I could be okay with big dogs. I was cool with our first dog and I adored our second, and I love our third and current dog. But I still am not one hundred percent comfortable around large dogs that I don’t know, especially if they are loud or if they jump on me.

So shortly after the holidays, we went down to visit. At one point, my wife got up to use the bathroom. When she came out, Rex charged at her, barking and growling. Now, my wife is good with dogs. See above, loves big dogs, has trained all three of ours. She de-escalated with him like a pro. We talked with my dad about it and he said Rex is getting more and more territorial in the house and doesn’t like strangers. The kids (11F and 13M) have friends who don’t want to come over anymore because of the dog. At Thanksgiving, my cousins (7F and 10F) were afraid of the dog.

My wife talked with my brother while we were there and said, plainly, that she thought Rex was becoming dangerous. He was showing a lot of aggression and they needed to get a trainer for him and really stick with it. My brother didn’t quite brush her off but basically just said “Okay, I’ll look into it”.

Half an hour later, I needed to use the bathroom. When I came out, Rex charged at me, barking, snarling. I completely froze up and just screamed for my wife to help me. My SIL is calling “Rex, come here, stop that,” et c, which Rex is completely ignoring. My wife gets between me and the dog until my SIL gets off her ass and comes to get him. I went into a room with a door, shut it, and refused to come out. It was a nice room, lol. My niece and my parents joined me and my wife there and they spent some nice time chatting, or so I would assume that’s what they did, since I spent most of that time in post-panic-attack haze.

My dad told me later that brother and SIL both think I completely overreacted and it was just “some barking” and I basically need to get a grip. My wife says that is completely bullshit and she knows a dangerous dog when she sees one. She was especially pissed because for the next few days I kept flinching away from our dog when she barked (which she doesn’t do often, but she will alert when strangers come near the house, which happens more frequently than you would think since we live at a dead-end and people use our driveway to turn around a lot).

So we agreed that we just won’t go there again unless Rex is in daycare or my parents have said he has improved. That was six months ago, we are now trying to plan Father’s Day activities, and Rex … has not improved. In fact, he was just kicked out of doggy daycare for being “difficult to handle” and “not listening to commands”. My brother and SIL’s reaction to this was to say that the place “obviously doesn’t know how to handle dogs”.

I just legitimately don’t know what to do at this point. I could pretty happily never see my brother and SIL again at this point, they’ve pissed me off so much, but my parents are there and so are my niece and nephew. Planning to see my parents anywhere but my brother’s house is very difficult. My dad doesn’t drive at all anymore and my mom only feels safe driving in good weather when it’s that far. We’ve had to cancel due to bad weather for our last two visits where they were supposed to come up to our place. My parents aren’t getting any younger and although I’ve had my issues with them at times, they’re my parents and I love them. As for my niece and nephew, I pretty much only see them when I go down to my brother’s; my brother and SIL have only come up here once for our housewarming and that’s it.

I originally suggested we ask them to keep Rex downstairs in their basement (finished and enormous) while we were there. My dad said he was ‘hesitant to ask them to do that’ since they don’t think Rex is a problem. And at this point, I don’t trust them not to brush me off and ‘forget’ and let him out, or do it because he’s barking so much (they did put him in a bedroom once while people were there and he barked the whole time). They aren’t taking the problem seriously, and their reaction to Rex getting thrown out of daycare proves to me that they don’t even want to acknowledge there is a problem. I’m pretty convinced that Rex could tear my hand off and they’d blame me for provoking him.

So … rant over. Thoughts, ideas?

#personal

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crmsnmth · 28 days

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September Sky Chapter One, Part 4

"Want to just meet here then?" I asked.

"Yeah. Sure. I get down with my last class around four, so quarter after?" She replied with that same perfect smile.

"Sounds great. I'll see you later then," I said. She gave me a small wave and headed back into the writhing mass of the crowd. I lost her almost instantly. As she walked away, she did turn back and look at me, so I think that's a good thing? I don't know. I was way out practice.

I had enough time to walk to my place in Riverwest, shower, and change clothes quick. Yeah, I did miss the bus, and at this point it would be faster for me to walk than wait for the next bus. I just didn't enjoy the walk without my headphones, which I had forgotten when I left the apartment earlier that morning.

I headed out of the cafeteria as fast as I could go. With the adrenaline from asking someone out for the first time in years, I could move pretty fast. I made it out the door, and out into the late spring air.

I practically ran and crossed the bridge over the Milwaukee River. I had to stop for a few moments to catch my breath, and to cease the stabbing pain in my side. I was really out of shape, and the smoking probably didn't really help. I checked my phone for the time and found there was enough that I could maybe just walk like a normal person.

The bridge is basically what separates the East Side and Riverwest. It was strange, but for some reason, you could actually feel the change. In the air and in the noise. As the hippies that roamed the streets of Riverwest would sat, "it's in the energy, man."

Riverwest was basically a safe haven for misfits and outcasts. A neighborhood for artists and their muses. Everybody here is an outcast, and this tiny little splat in Milwaukee was the holy ground we prayed at. Everybody (who was a decent person) was welcome. No matter if you're a hardcore punk, or a knitted hat wearing hipster, or maybe even a witch who cares more about the style than the substance. They were all accepted with open arms.

I lived over on Booth street, with two room mates. One of them, Tom. had put an ad on Craigslist and I got lucky. I had the first months rent, and I'd be taking over someone's lease. I had no problem with that, and a week later I was moved in, trying again to start my life over.

Tom was an alright. He at least acknowledged my existence. We had even had a few conversations. I guess the best description of him that i can think of would be a jock hipster. Technically, he should be kicking his own ass. Somehow, though, he made it seem natural.

Dennis, on the hand, did not like me. Not one bit. This didn't bother me. I'm no hypocrite. I wasn't his biggest fan. He was a deep-seated conservative. Maybe even more than that even. I know he was deep into ROTC stuff. And he definitely looked the part, with the crew cut and the ever present smug of a soon to be military person. When he was at the apartment, his room was constant virtual gunfire war video games. And hey, I like to game just as much as anyone else, but I'd much rather be doing something.

The house was empty when I got there. I'm assuming they both had class or were to whatever it was that they did for jobs. For being room mates, it's kind of strange of just how little I knew of them. And they knew barely anything about me, other than what they saw at our place. And that wasn't much at all, considering most of my time home was spent locked away in my tiny room.

It looked smaller than it was, mainly because my walls were covered in posters for horror movies and punk bands. I had a small closet in one corner of the room that held most of my t-shirts. And I had a lot of them. Of course, they were all black, and usually with a horror movie's poster on them, or a punk bands logo. A TV stood on a stand with an Xbox that I used mainly has a DVD player. Across the room was my mattress, just a twin that sat on the floor. I tried keeping a sheet on it, but with the amount of movement I have in my sleep from nightmares, I ripped it up every night. So I stopped trying. Who did I have to show anyway? A small dresser sat against one wall, with a turntable and my stack of vinyl on top of it. Right next to it was a bookshelf filled with horror DVDs and a few books based on some form of anarchist ideology. I wasn't all that political, but I classified myself as an anarchist. It just kind of suited me, with the punk thing I had going on since I turned 13 and found a Descendents album at a Goodwill. My laptop lay on my mattress, plugged in to the wall behind the dresser. The wall above my bed was covered in red Christmas lights.

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catierambles · 2 years

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Control Ch.13

Pairing: Au!Walter Marshall x Jessica Talbot (OFC)

WC 1353

Warnings: None, this is basically a filler chapter to pad things out....sorry. It has some scenes that I wanted to put in, but they never made it into chapters of their own.

Also: The dig Walter uses towards the end is a play on the word Marine (as in Marine Corp) M.A.R.I.N.E My-Ass-Rides-In-Naval-Equipment. My parents were in the Navy, they told me about that one. It’s a playful jab at the other branch.

@liecastillo @summersong69 @identity2212

Walter kicked the door closed to his loft apartment, setting his keys down on the small table by the door before heading into the kitchen and opening the fridge. Taking out a dark bottle, he shook the contents to reincorporate them before uncorking it and taking a swig, the taste of cold pigs blood making his nose wrinkle some. If he could drink beer, that’s what he would be drinking right now, if not something stronger, but this would have to do in its place. Draining one bottle, he went back for another, only this time his eyes caught on the Italian food leftovers Jessica had forgotten in his fridge one of the nights she stayed over. Manicotti, or some such. Woman loved her pasta.

Grabbing another bottle, he closed the fridge, shaking this one the same as the last before pulling the cork and taking a long sip. Crossing the apartment, he stood in front of the window overlooking the city and sighed. He wasn’t going to rest, not wanting to see what memories his brain dug up this time with everything going on. He only rested when he was with her now, her presence making the memories good ones. Besides, the pillows on his bed would still have her scent and he’d rather not deal with that right now.

Pushing away from the window, he walked over and sat down in his recliner, picking up the remote and turning on the TV, getting settled in for a long night.

The next morning, he walked into the station, sitting down at his desk.

“Hey.” He looked over at Jackson who had spoken. “You sleep any?” Walter just shook his head.

“Not really.” He said.

“Didn’t think so. You look like shit.” Jackson said, “Lab report came back on the blood we found in Jess’s apartment. It wasn’t hers. Matched the DNA from a toothbrush we pulled from Martin’s house.”

“She got a hit in.” Walter said and he nodded.

“Based on the nasal mucus found in the sample, probably cracked his nose.”

“That’s my girl.” He said proudly. “BOLO come back with anything?”

“Nothing yet, but it’s a big city, it’ll take time.”

“Time we don’t have.”

“Hey! Don’t think about that, remember?” Jackson said and Walter nodded, running his fingers through his hair. “Unis are talking to his co-workers at the vet clinic and the DA’s office is working on a warrant for his financial records, they’re…invested in finding this guy.”

“Yeah, I bet.” He said and picked up his phone, punching in a number.

“Who’re you calling?” Jackson asked.

“Jess’s parents, they should know and it should come from me.” Walter said and the line picked up. “Melinda, hi. It’s Walter. Listen, is Dave there too? Great, go ahead and put me on speakerphone, you might want to sit down for this.” Twenty minutes later he hung up the phone, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“How’d it go?” Jackson asked, having only heard his side of the conversation.

“Her dad’s understandably pissed and her mom spent most of it trying to make me feel better.” Walter said.

“Tell me about her family.”

“Riley, we really--”

“Tell me about her family, it’ll keep your mind off it.” Jackson said and Walter sighed. “Start with her dad.”

“Her father, David Talbot, is a retired Army Green Beret of twenty plus years, and served in Vietnam. Guy could kill both of us with a napkin and make it look like an accident.”

“Would have loved to have been there for that first meeting.” Jackson said with a chuckle.

“Intense doesn’t begin to cover it.”

“You were in the service, weren’t you son?” David asked and Walter looked at him for a long moment.

“Yes, Sir.” He said, finally.

“Thought so. What branch?”

“Army.” Walter said.

“Seen any action?”

“Dad!” Jess exclaimed.

“I’m just asking the man a question, Jess.”

“I can’t talk about that.” Walter said and there was another pause before David gave him a slow nod. It was less what the man thought he was talking about, and more the fact that it was more than a hundred years ago when he was in the service.

“I understand completely.”

“Wait, wait.” Jackson said, “You never told me you were in the Army.”

“I wasn’t born a cop, Riley.” Walter said.

“What about her mom?”

“Melinda Talbot, was a school teacher but became a housewife when she married Jess’s dad.”

“Any siblings?”

“Older brother. Jacoby “Jake” Talbot. Active military Marine Corp sniper, he was just rotated home from Afghanistan.”

“So what you’re saying is, we find Martin, we need to keep him out of line of sight.” Jackson said and Walter snorted without humor.

“And away from any tall roof tops.”

“Okay, “Lieutenant Marshall”,” Jake said as they made their way out into the backyard. He stood a ways away from him, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Let’s see what you got.”

“Jake,” Jess said, “Don’t do this. You do this with all my boyfriends I bring home and then they break up with me.”

“Then they shouldn’t have been with you to begin with.” Jake said and turned his attention back to Walter. “Well?”

“Okay, fine.” Walter said and Jake gave him a wide smile.

“Hold on,” Jackson said, “Her brother challenged you to a fist fight?”

“He was just testing me, and stop interrupting.”

“Tell me you kicked his ass.” Jackson said and Walter shrugged.

“I got there in the end.”

Walter laid on the ground, pretending to be hurt after Jake took him down hard with a leg sweep, looking up as Jessica came over to crouch by him.

“Requesting permission to stop holding back?” He asked, keeping his voice low.

“Just don’t break anything.” Jessica said with a snort and stood as he picked himself up off the ground.

“Jake!” Walter called out and Jake looked at him from where he was talking to David. “Come on.”

“Ohoho!” Jake exclaimed with a smile, walking back into the yard. “Guy wants to go for Round Two.”

“Don’t hold back, Jake.” David called out.

“I never do.” Jake said.

“You just gonna stare at me? Or are you actually going to do something?” Walter asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Someone’s eager.” Jake said, “You didn’t get all butt-hurt like her last boyfriend, so there’s something in your favor, I guess.”

“I’m still waiting.” Walter said and Jake came at him. Walter dodged, striking out, Jake’s head snapping to the side and he stumbled a little.

“Did you just slap me?”

“Yeah, what’re you gonna do about it?” Walter asked, crossing his arms over his chest again. Jake came at him again and Walter dodged swings, stepping to the side and ducking but never changing his stance. Parrying a grab, Walter kicked, planting his boot on his backside and sending Jake stumbling across the yard. “Come on, Marine. You can do better than that.” This went on for a bit, Jake never landing a blow or connecting a grab. “Is that what they teach you in the Corp? Really? No wonder your ass rides in Naval equipment.” He let this go on for a bit before deciding to end things, letting Jake get in close before kicking his legs out from under him and taking him to the ground hard with a hand to his chest. Walter stood, dusting his hands off and leaving him coughing on the ground. He went over to Jessica and she just smiled and shook her head at him as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her forehead. David came over with a small smile, holding his hand out and Walter took it, giving him a firm shake.

“Nicely done, son.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Jake!” Jessica called out, “You good?”

“I like him!” Jake said, holding his arm in the air with a thumbs up.

“You kicked her brother’s ass.” Jackson said laughing and Walter nodded, still smiling at the story.

“Earned his respect.” Walter said. “Okay, that’s enough story time. Let’s get back to work.”

#henry cavill #walter marshall #control fic #my writing

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eyeofnewtblog · 2 years

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Things that happen at home:

So, youngest sibling and I have “sister dates” that started before they came out and we’ve just never called the “dates” anything else. But basically it’s just the two of us alone together and we do whatever youngest sibling wants about once a month. Lunch but we play on our phones half the time? Fine. Watch the entire How to Train Your Dragon franchise in a weekend? Been there, done that. They binge watched all of vampire diaries and the originals and wanted to start in on Legacies, about…six months ago? but that’s the only real hard no I’ve ever given. Our relationship is mostly built on the fact that I want to be in the same room as people but not actually interacting (I’m lonely but socializing is exhausting) and as long as youngest is being left entirely to their own devices, they don’t actually care.

Now. I work in construction, and before that I worked in the motorcycle industry, so like. I’ve spent the last 12 or so years working predominantly with men. (The few women that I have worked with are honestly pretty awesome, but this isn’t about them.)

The point is that when dudes get comfortable because they think you’re a “bro” or the forget your not actually one of “the guys” or they see micro aggressions and their dad mode kicks in…it’s actually pretty helpful.

So, me and Youngest are kind of wandering in the downtown are of our city (there were a few sport bars between the restaurant we ate at and where I was able to find free parking) and a random dude grabbed youngest siblings hand and was just sort of holding it…like clearly turned about, stuck his hand out to introduce himself, and youngest is being polite and shakes the hand. And then Dude did not let go.

Now. I personally know, because I’ve had it explained to me by a biker with three daughters, that the trick is to (as the male) take your free hand and trap the woman’s hand between the palms and start giving vague compliments or continue whatever conversation was going. Because the idea is that a woman will feel impolite or as if she’s not being accommodating if they take their hand back where a man normally would.

The bikers point was that he saw me being uncomfortable because someone wouldn’t let go of my hand after a hand shake and made a point to tell me about this specific “trick” and ever since then I’ve made it a point to rip my hand away quickly and violently if necessary (some men believe in a firm hand shake that actually hurts, but some do try the actual trick and I make a show of ripping my hand away, tuck my hand behind my back, and then smile and carry on the conversation as if nothing happened…no actual data if better treatment actually happens…)

Anyway! Youngest and I are meandering back to the car but we’re both kind of on our phones and a guy who is clearly part of the spill out crowd from a sports bar has…captured my sibling, who was having a “female” day.

And I get about ten feet before I realize that Youngest isn’t beside me anymore, look up from my phone, turn, and realize that not only is the most socially awkward person I’ve ever met in my life stuck in the Polite Handshake Trap, but it’s literally right outside a bar where a bunch of spots dudes are clearly wanting to get i.

My best description of the feeling that came over me was along the lines of “Absolutely The Fuck Not” and like…my fingers were tingly, my gut clenched up, and everything just sort of…narrowed into just the clasped hands…that was the physical sensation.

What I actually did was storm over, slap the top hand of the hand shake (which was his) grab my sibling, scream “she’s FIFTEEN” in his face (I remember this part) and then proceeded to angry drag my sibling for tow blocks and an ally shot cut. (That part I don’t remember…in my mind we got to the car immediately)

Anyway. The handshake trick has been adequately explained to youngest. Solutions have been discussed. Also I’m not allowed to yank on or pull my sibling that hard/fast ever again unless it’s an actual “shit is on fire” emergency ever again. So.

#absolutely do not fuck with my family #things that happen at home #guess where we’re not going for at least a year #that restaurant was really good too #like actually good gluten free options which was the whole point of going #I’m not confrontational but like #I have a solid limit

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purplesurveys · 1 year

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1666

saw this survey taken by someone else but based on how the credit was formatted, I’m 613% sure this came from me HAHAHA but as what I’ve done 454938793 times, no harm in repeating surveys!

survey by nadine07

[..INTRODUCTIONS..]

First Name: Robyn.

Middle Name: Not sharing.

Last Name: Most definitely not sharing.

Birthdate: April 21st, 25 years ago.

[..FIRST THINGS FIRST..]

What was the first thing you did after you got up? Realized I slept ahead of Reena (she spent the night) and felt bad. What was the name of your first pet? A goldfish with the ultra original and creative name of Goldy.

Who was your first big crush? I’ll go ahead and name Andi on this one. Pretty sure what I had for her was actually a serious lil crush in grade school and not merely resentment that she was migrating, lol.

Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? I went to Chelsea’s 18th birthday dinner. I remember Aaron asking for a ride at the time and when he was making conversation by asking how long I’ve been driving, I scared him shitless when I told him that was literally my first drive outside the neighborhood lol.

Who was your very first friend? Kaye back in kindergarten.

What was the first thing you ate today? Garlic rice, hotdogs, bacon, and eggs.

What was your first job? My first job is also my current job, but I started out as an associate.

[..COLORS..]

Name something red in the room you are in: Basically all my Tata merch.

Is orange one of your school’s team colors? Idk what a ‘team color’ is but we did have school colors (would they be the same thing?), and maroon is one of the colors of my university.

How many yellow shirts do you own? Offhand, around five or a little more than that.

Name someone you know who drives a green car: I have no clue...everyone I know has a black, white, or gray car.

Is it a blue sky outside right now? Nope, it is currently pitch black. 3:08 AM.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when I say ‘purple’? :) BTS.

Are the walls in the room you’re in white? Yes they are indeed.

Does black make you think of depressing things? Nope.

Jewelry: gold or silver? Silver.

[..PHONE STUFF..]

Who is your provider? Doubt you’d have ever heard of it, but it’s a local one called Globe.

How long have you had your current phone? A little over a year ago.

What did your last text say? I don’t know, and I don’t feel like checking.

If you woke up naked next to the last person to call, would it be awkward? Yeah, very.

Was your last missed call male or female? Girl.

Who is your 10th phone contact? Jum. She’s still named under ‘Ate Jum’ which is funny because it tells me I must have added her number when we were relatively new to each other and weren’t friends yet...we eventually became part of the same college friend group and I haven’t addressed her with the honorific in years.

How did you meet them? We actually started out as mere classmates in one of our majors classes, but we ended up being applicant batchmates for what would eventually be our college org so we became a lot closer from there.

Are you related to your 17th phone contact? Not in the slightest.

How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Since late grade school.

When was the last time you saw them? Probably somewhere around campus, 2-3 years ago.

Who is your 4th phone contact? Blanch.

Have you ever kissed that person? Have not.

When was the last time someone drunk dialed/texted/left a voicemail? Couple of weeks ago when Andi drunk messaged me on Facebook. They tend to do that a lot, but I just ignore it unless they seem super distraught/emotional.

[..RANDOMOSITY..]

What time is it? 3:19 AM.

Are you supposed to be doing something other than this? Well...sleeping. But considering I was knocked out from 2 PM to 8 PM, I don’t feel sleepy at all currently hahaha.

Do you live on your own or with your parents? I continue to live with my parents. Asian culture :)

Are you more of a cat or a dog person? Biiiiiiig dog person.

Are you allergic to anything? Nopes. If for some reason I am, I have not discovered it yet. I’m pretty sure at this point that I don’t have any allergies though.

Does your shirt have anything written on it? Nothing in text, but it does have the 2021 BTS Sowoozoo logo printed on it.

Have you ever tie-dyed something? Once in grade school for a home economics class.

Who can you always count on to cheer you up? For the most part I try not to pass on my negative emotions to other people, but if it can’t be helped then I would go to Angela.

How many places have you been today? Just one; I dropped Reena off at one of the malls connected to a train station so she can commute back home safely.

Are you a forgiving person? No.

When was the last time you felt let down? Earlier this evening when I discovered my mom ate my Army Navy fries. :(

What is the title of the nearest book to you? There is no book anywhere near me.

Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else? Nah, this whole get-up is mine.

Can you whistle? I can.

Do you look more like your mother or your father? My mom. My dad’s side only manifests in certain angles or expressions I make.

Are you still in high school? Haven’t been in high school in the last seven years.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? Eldest.

Has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep? Nope.

How many people have you kissed this year? Zero.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex you trust fully? Just Hans.

Are you a night owl or an early bird? Night owl. I hate waking up early, especially *having* to wake up early.

Would you rather go to Brazil for the weekend or Finland for a month? I’ll take Finland.

[..AND FINALLY..]

Where did you last go out to eat at? Rue Bourbon. I was too shy to eat anything though...only thing I did there was down two glasses of weng-weng, hah.

When was the last time you let someone borrow something from you? Earlier this week when my sister needed to use my bucket hat to make some measurements for a bucket hat design she herself was planning.

Was your last breakup a bad one? As bad as bad can get.

What was the last song you listened to? Amygdala by Agust D. Easily, EASILY my favorite track off D-Day.

What was the last movie you watched? Not technically a movie, but we watched Road To D-Day the moment it came out last night.

Did your last kiss happen in a public place? I think?

How did you meet the last person to leave you a comment? She’s my grand-aunt.

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inslo · 1 year

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In the last 24-hours or so, I’ve seen a number of developments and triggered by a couple of people I care about. Let’s pre-empt by mentioning three couples first. I’ve had a number of people get divorced over the last five years, most very unexpectedly.

Couple1, I was very close to both of them and had no idea that things were a mess. I’ve met with both individually alone and got to see first hand what the issue was. Though I knew the wife before the husband, I’ve actually sided with the husband on this one. She turned away from God, secretly hates her parents and refused any sort of counseling. I can tell this is true by actual one-on-one conversations I’ve had with her. She claims that he was physcally abusive….I don’t see that at all....and since the divorce in 2017 he remarried within a year and she has had only one failed relationship. She was the one who filed for divorce. In summary, however, I did not see this divorce coming as I had previously knew both before they were a couple and had spent a bit of time with them when they were married.

Couple2: This one is interesting…I only have the husbands side of the story, but I feel like it’s true. I was really only friends with the husband before, during and after the marriage. Before the marriage I would be able to hang out with him, guys nights, volleyball or just hang out at his house or phone conversations. When he first got married I was able to hang out with him a bit at his place and they would have football parties etc. I even helped him with some basic house maintenance stuff he didn’t know how to tackle himself. Slowly though, communication got less and less and less. I would call him, talk to him for five minutes and he would say I need to go do something I’ll call you back in about fifteen minutes…but that phone call would never happen. Then it was with Christmas cards…I always sent them Christmas cards and for a while I would get one back, then that stopped. Finally, Christmas 2019 I was frustrated with them, so I put in my card to “please call me at their earliest convenience” and in my mind I said if I didn’t hear back, that would be my last communication….that call never happened. Fast forward to fall of 2020 when another friend told me that Couple2 was getting divorced and shortly thereafter I got a call from the husband. Apparently, the wife was controlling everyone he spoke to, everyone he saw, even his own side of the family. Since the divorce we’ve been hanging out regularly again, we just met for dinner on Friday. The time I did get to spend with them as a couple, I never saw anything that would have suggested that this relationship wasn’t going to work.

Couple3: I have never liked the husband of Couple3. In fact very few people actually like him as a person. Whenever he is at an event, whether his own or someone else’s event, he has to take control of the events taking place at the event. About a decade or more ago, he would have new years eve parties at his apartment, and once everyone was there, he would get everyones attention and go over ground rules, no touching the walls, no leaning back in chairs, no spilling on the carpet and so on. The only new years eve party I’ve ever been at where we had to go over rules. Anyways, my late fiancé and Couple3 wife were pretty good friends and would hang out. They would have girls nights….well until husband would invite himself and actually show up. My late fiancé didn’t like Couple3 Husband either, not even a little bit, but as friends with Couple3 wife, she stood up in their wedding. From what she told me he was literally asking people on the street if they would stand up in his wedding or be his best man. Though I could have gone to the wedding as a guest, I actually refused to be involved. Also very interesting side note: my brothers wife went out on a first date with Couple3 Husband many years ago and said he was nuts. Couple3 wife was a little special, hard to explain, but I said to myself, if they like each other then great! Two peas in a pod. Couple3 Husband was verbally abusing Couple3 Wife and controlling her every move. Though it wasn’t a complete surprise, Couple3 wife left Couple3 Husband early last year and finally filed for divorce last fall. Since I myself have been verbally abused, I (along with Couple2 Husband) are doing what we can to support her. I even invited her to my Christmas party in December, something I would have never done if Couple3 Husband were still in the picture.

Now we come to observations made in the last 24-hours. Things that have triggered me….

A friend who I met 17+ years ago and met and divorced someone 10+ years ago posted on facebook yesterday that she was hoping to find a sugar daddy to pay $18,000 for a new furnace for her house. Of course I realize she’s mostly kidding. I see her maybe once every few years at an event and she even took me out for dinner one time right after my late fiancé passed away. Several times over the years, I’d asked her out for a date and she vehemently refused and of course never offered a reason. She is entitled to that and perhaps God may be saving me from disaster, however I have to say her post definitely has triggered me. There is always that possibility of “What if she said ‘yes’?” She is still single and as far as I know is not looking for anyone to date or get in a relationship with either, though I know she has had several failed relationships over the last decade.

Finally, the main reason I am writing today, is I was informed that a couple I am not close with (for a reason) is getting divorced. This is Couple4. I had asked Couple4 wife out for a date long before her wedding and before she had even started dating Couple4 Husband. She had said ‘yes’ and the date was about two weeks and a few days away. I often Saw Couple4 wife and Couple4 Husband in a large group of friends that used to hang out at a church playing sports in the gym. Usually afterwards we all went to an ice cream place for snacks. Well one night about two weeks from my planned date with Couple4 Wife we all were hangin out at the church, but Couple4 Wife and Couple4 Husband mysteriously disappeared sometime between leaving church and the ice cream place. Even their closest friends had no idea where they went. Well, the next morning, it was announced they were boyfriend and girlfriend. I was pissed. Angry. Upset. Like seriously, WTF??? Let me explain. Couple4 Wife has a masters in elementary special education and was making serious bucks. Couple4 Husband….well he had a high school education and was never able to hold down a job. He had been fired from several jobs for poor performance…I know this as a fact as he admitted to it. In fact I felt when we were hanging out that Couple4 Husband, though he was generally nice, he was not all there. After that day, I no longer wanted to be around the two as I felt it was best for all three of us. I had even been invited to their wedding shower party, but refused to go because (A) I had a bit of jealousy in me and though it would be best if I not go and (B) I refused to support them. Interestingly about five or six years ago, I was invited to a football party at their house on a Sunday. I went, not knowing Couple4 Husband was not there as he was working. I overheard Couple4 Wife complaining that Copule4 Husband wants more kids but she doesn’t see how they can support more than the three they already have. They’re house was a mess…I mean like multiple remodels started but never finished. I could never understand what Couple4 Wife saw in Couple4 Husband. I know Couple4 Wife could have done so much better than Couple4 Husband even if it wasn’t me. Well, no surprise, they’re getting divorced. Apparently, he’s being verbally abusive, not coming home from work and also not supporting her and their three kids, one of which is special needs. Unlike Couple1, Couple 2 and Couple3, I saw Couple4 as not working out at all. Perhaps I was biased, but hey I’m just telling it like I see it.

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palavrasdeputaria · 2 years

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TW: Suicide

The topic of mental health is something people have become much more open to talking about, but few actually look into how we treat those who have severe mental illnesses.

Yes we say talk about your anxiety and depression, normalize it!

People even often say Mental Health is just like Physical health right?

But do we actually treat it like that?

Two years ago I was injured at work and I had people show up with food, send me money, cards, games, phone calls, texts. Immense amounts of support. Consistently.

Because I had a physical injury and that we understand.

As I have spent the last year suffering from an intense mental health crises that same grace has not been extended.

I have asked for help, begged for it even and the response is so different. Nobody is showing up with food, or gifts or simply to check on me and see if I am okay.

Families & communities create plans when someone has a terminal illness to provide support in every way possible.

Why don't we view Depression (and a host of other mental illnesses) as a terminal illness?

Approximately 40,500 people die from breast cancer every year.

Approximately 45,000 die from suicide every year

That number is not counting the people who die from self medicating with various substances or engaging in passive suicide through risky behavior

We understand that cancer is deadly and that a person has to now face death everyday and they may have to take drugs that make them feel worse and possibly won't work at all

We have grace for their anger and fear

We have grace for their inability to do basic tasks of self care

We don't respect or understand that mental illnesses can be the same way

Yes, you can try medication that might make you feel better, or worse, or not work at all.

Or perhaps a medication that was working will just stop and now you're facing your own mortality again

When you are in a space were everyday you have to look death in the face, it's messy and aggressive. It isn't gentle or simple.

When you are in a space where you an unable to feed yourself, bathe yourself, work, speak, sleep. When you are unable to do the most basic parts of what it takes to feel just alright in your own body...

Why don't we show up? Why is that giving so limited? Why don't we forgive the anger and mistakes?

It's because we, as a society, still view mental health as a choice not asa terminal illness. Suicide kills 1 in 80 Americans. It's the 12th leading cause of the death in the United States. Once again these numbers are excluding other forms of passive suicide.

I have stood in showers fully clothed and held up friends as they broke down because they hadn't been able to shower in weeks and now they couldn't keep it together anymore.

I have sat at bedsides and simply watched someone sleep.

I have dropped off food when I barely had any to give. Did laundry, dishes, scooped litters, fed pets and picked kids up from school. Showed up with whatever I could to hold space.

I have slept in my car when someone was too embarrassed to let me into their home, but they needed to know that someone was there.

I did those things because I know how lonely and quiet you are expected to be when you are in a space where you are thinking daily about ending your own life.

I know that experiencing this illness everyday is exhausting. The effort it takes to keep yourself alive is immense. Always being hyper aware of not letting yourself get too close to or have too much access to something that may be your cause of death.

Bridges? For a long time I have avoided them, I refuse to walk over a bridge. Guns? I will never own one or stay in a house that has an unsecured gun.

The list is so extensive, but it takes constant vigilance to keep yourself alive when your own mind is telling you to die.

There is very little space for the conversation of suicide. People will tell you to go to a doctor, but that leads to many people being involuntarily hospitalized. The reality is most people cannot afford that in both a literal and psychological sense. What will happen to their job, their home, their pets or their children? What happens when you get home and you are still without support?

Many people who are in a state of suicidal ideation will never be able to get the most out of therapy, because they cannot safely share what they are really experiencing. If they can even get access to therapy.

We are forced to lie. We are forced to lie to keep our freedom and autonomy. We are forced to lie to preserve our relationships with those we love. Many times we just isolate ourselves because it's easier than having to lie all the time.

What if someone said "I have a terminal illness and I am afraid I am going to die" and we showed up how we do for other terminal illnesses?

What if we showed up as a community with care, food, gifts, money and patience?

What if we loved them through it even as they fell apart?

What I have gotten in the last year when I have told people that I am afraid I am going to die is just nothing compared to what I got when I told people that I was physically injured.

I have flat out told people, I haven't been able to feed myself. I have not been able to take care of my cat. I have not been able to work. I have not been able to shower.

I have told people. I am afraid that I will not make it through the night.

I will get the occasional text the next day asking "You feeling better?" sometimes a little emoji or funny gif

Imagine responding that way to someone else who told you they faced the reality of their own mortality every single day and not seeming like an absolute asshole.

It isn't different. No matter how much we have been conditioned to believe that it is.

Those that suffer from severe mental illnesses deserve the same support, because it is just as deadly, but we are asked to go through it silently and mostly alone.

We are told to seek support in places that actively harm us and we are given very little space to just state what we are experiencing. We lose friendships and relationships.

Often our spaces and our bodies fall apart as our mental state becomes more deadly and that causes even more suffering. Even more pain.

Suicide deaths are almost double that of homicide deaths.

Often after someone commits suicide you hear people say "I wish I had known"

Even when people do know, we are not taught how to support people going through this. What we are taught is harmful and causes more pain.

Show up like that person just told you they have cancer and they are seriously ill and they are scared of dying.

Anything else is not enough.

1.2 Million people attempted suicide in the United States last year, this number is probably not correct because people don't talk about suicide openly.

130 people die every day by suicide.

Every 11 minutes someone dies by suicide.

I am saying all this in the hopes that someone, anyone learns how to treat those around them who are experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Just show up and give like your loved one may die tomorrow and you want to make sure that they know they are loved and cared for. You want to give them every chance to rest and every chance to nurture their body through this illness.

All in the hopes that they will be able to step away from the brink of death someday.

#mental health #depression #pain #community

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whoami-imnotentirelysure · 2 years

Text

6.15.2022

I just woke up from a short nap, yes it’s 6:30 am, but you know how my schedule is upside down since I work nights. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I’ve realized I do that more on my days off, since i have more time to just do whatever. I’ve spent majority of the night just laying in bed and watching the office. I hung out with a couple of friends earlier in the night but I decided I wanted alone time. Crazy, right? I guess people are right when they say we all need alone time. I don’t hate being alone, I think it was the feelings of loneliness that used to drive me mad. Anyways, what I’ve been thinking about has been on my mind for about three days now. So you know that person I wrote about, about three weeks ago? The person I said I thought got away? Well, I found out that his most recent ex and him are still “on good terms” and are “friends”. I can’t help but wonder, for what reason would someone remain friends with someone, if not for a glimpse of hope that they end up together in the end? I mean, shit. I did it for a long long time. When J and I were broken up, we tried the whole “friend” thing even though I fucking hated it. I hated the fact that I knew he’d probably see other people. I hated the fact that we weren’t together. It drove me insane, but I had that false sense of hope that MAYBE we’d get back together, and that things would be different. We did get back together, and things never changed. I just can’t fathom on why anyone would want to be friends with an ex. I don’t understand it, even if they’re a good person or whatever. They’re an ex for a reason. Is that so bad for me to not want someone I’m talking to romantically to not have his ex girlfriend around, and in his phone? He feels like it’s because I don’t trust him, but it’s really not that. I do trust him, I just don’t trust that he might catch feelings for her again, while with me. You know what I mean?? Humans can’t help the way they feel, but they can eliminate the possibility of feeling a certain way by eliminating causes. That’s the only way I got over my ex. From not talking to him constantly, not checking on him, and not listening to / watching media that would remind me of him. Of course, as humans, we all love and when we love, of course we think about people. I’m not expecting anything ridiculous from him. I know he’ll think about her from time to time, but I really think he needs to heal before him and I continue to try to pursue anything. I plan on having a conversation with him later tonight about it. Originally the plan was to hang out today, but I caught wind yesterday that he was expecting me to spend the night, you know, unless I was “uncomfortable with doing that”. Which to be honest, I’m completely uncomfortable with that. She just moved out of the house like, last week, so of course I’m a bit uneasy. Not only that, but I don’t want him to expect that I’ll sleep with him. Those things are intimate and I’m not even willing to spend the night if I’m not in a relationship first.

He’s told me that their relationship was basically just “friendship” for the past two years of them being together, and that’s why he believes they’d be great friends. He wants me to respect his judgement, and while I do, my personal boundaries include not having exes around. At all. If you have no tie to her, (ie: child(ren) together, house bought together, going through a divorce, etcetera) then I see no reason to personally continue talking to her. It’s just how my brain works. I’m not comfortable with feeling like there’s a chance that she’ll come around, saying she misses him, and that she’ll change. I don’t want to feel like I’m a rebound, and I sure as hell don’t want to feel like I’m a second option. I did that shit before, I do not want to experience it again. For some reason, I feel guilty for having this boundary, but I think it’s just because I’m used to putting my own feelings aside for other people. I can’t afford to keep doing that in my life. I have to take care of myself, first.

I’m not sure how the conversation is going to go tonight. I’m not even sure how I’m going to go about starting the conversation. We aren’t hanging out physically today, since it’s such a long drive, but we’ll be hanging out in discord. I’m not sure how long we’ll be hanging out, but I definitely want to lay my boundaries out on the table, before progressing any further in this potential relationship. It has to be fair for the two of us. And I think personally he just needs more time to heal. He says he “wants to move on” from her, which just tells me that he hasn’t, and that’s okay. Healing isn’t linear, and when it comes to long relationships, it’d be insane to expect him to be ready to jump into anything right now. I just want him to be fully detached from her before I can move forward with him. It only seems fair to me, you know? I shouldn’t feel wrong for feeling that way. I just think he sees it as me not trusting him. I do trust him, I just don’t trust that he has full control of his feelings. Which is normal. I can’t expect him to be in control of his feelings, as no human is. But having an ex around that you dated for a long time, and expecting to be friends, comes off as weird to me. I see no reason to remain friends with someone whom you claim has torn you to pieces, and has done fucked up shit to you. I just can’t fathom why anyone would even want to be friends, if not expecting some kind of romantic connection, like a false glimmer of hope.

This has been on my mind for a couple of days, so naturally I had to dump it all out. A lot of it sounds repetitive, I know, but I just had to dump it out. It was starting to harass me to a point beyond all repair. I feel a lot better now getting it all out.

I have to organize my budget soon, I now owe my mom 700$. Not only that, but I’m also behind on my health insurance. And not just that, but I still have my bills for the month. It feels like I’m getting deeper and deeper, but I really don’t make good money on my shifts, haha. I’m hoping Friday and Saturday will treat me well enough that I make decent money. I always make better money on my “slow” days where it’s just me. Because I’m actively working my ass off, and people see that. But on Fridays and Saturdays, I get left with the shitty side of the store and people don’t sit with me, and I literally only have 6 booths, and two high tops, meanwhile the other side of the store has 7 booths, and 6 high tops. How on earth does that make sense? Just fyi… It doesn’t. They fuck with my money hard. I’m trying to get back on my feet and just deal with it. I personally like working more so by myself with just my cook, but weekends fucking suck in terms of money and how everyone treats me. Everyone winds up grumpy towards me. It’s kind of infuriating. I’m hoping that I can do SOMETHING, to try and make more money on the side, lol.

Money is coming my way, I just gotta keep pushing for it. It’ll come to me. Hopefully.

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iwadori · 3 years

Text

When they neglect you for another girl Part 4 (Sakusa)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

Word Count: 2.6K

Genre: Angst to Fluff

masterlist

AN: YES I DID PUT MYSELF IN THIS STORY! SUE ME. This is basically inspired by a random conversation i had w the great @teesumu, so this is basically for you doll <3

Sakusa:

You and Sakusa have been together for a around 10 years and love eachother immensly.

However recently Sakusa has been busy and you havent really had much time together lately as he claims been busy doing loads of visits with his new agent.

But of course, being the loving partner you are you wanted to revive the spark in your relationship.

You have been seeing a lot of people on social media posting their aesthetic ‘picnic dates,’ and you knew that this was something that appealed to you before it was ‘on trend.’ Kiyoomi immediately came to your mind once you had the idea of going on a date. You knew that you haven’t be around each other lately, as Kiyoomi always had either a ‘meeting’ or some sort of ‘interview’ that his new agent “Empress” has set up for him.

You didn’t really know Empress that well, just that she was ‘good at her job,’ a ‘hard and dilligent worker,’ and a ‘raging hottie’ with Atsumu’s opinion being the last one. You weren’t suspecting her to have any malicious intent towards you or Kiyoomi, since you knew that he had a great judge of character. But it was just odd, that every time Kiyoomi was running late or having ‘super-secret’ conversations on the phone it was always because ‘my agent set up this,’ ‘my agent set up that,’ and that’s what left you a bit wary.

As you were scrolling through your phone you see a calendar updating saying : Next Week‘ A DECADE AGO WE FELL IN LOVE.’

10 years. How could you forget? You and Omi have literally been together for a decade. You think back to the decade of madness and love you’ve been through together, smiling fondly to yourself but then you think about where you are now... barely even talking to each other, only mainly seeing him when he comes home from work.

You need to fix this. Or at least make an attempt to get you and Kiyoomi talking again. So, the only thing you can do, is plan that picnic.

You spent the rest of the day planning your anniversary picnic. ’It’s going to be great,’ you think to yourself, you have a list of all Omi’s favorite foods you're going to make him and bring and you are probably going to pick up a few board games and maybe even get some paint supplies. You and Kiyoomi used to paint a lot together, with the two of you not being the best of painters, but you enjoyed eachothers company non the less.

Everything was sorted...for the most part. All you needed to do was get Omi there, and it’ll all be okay. Right? As you were bubbling and looking for more picnic inspo, you hear your front door open which made you even more excited to tell your boyfriend your plans.

As you rush to go greet him, you see he’s on the phone making you roll your eyes. “No Empress it won’t work, we need this sorted by next week. Okay? Next week.” he says in an agitated way. He hangs up the phone and sighs, shoving off his duffel bag.

“Hey Omi, how was your day?” you say a bit hesitant, noticing his annoyed mood.

“Fine” He said dismissively, aiming to walk past you aiming for your bedroom.

“Oh well I have something amazing planned for ne-” you try to say following after him.

“Can we not do this right now Y/N,” he says again turning too look at you making you frown a bit, all you wanted to do is surprise him with your plans and have a day out with him. After noticing your sad look he finishes with “it’s just that Empress she’s bee-”

“I don’t want to hear about her.” you say bitterly folding your arms, Empress is the last person you want to hear about right now “God Omi can’t you just care about me? For once.”

“I do I-”

“You don’t anymore,” you say, with all the emotions and feelings you’ve been just supressing from a while coming up. You don’t even know how you got from point A to B with this conversation, but there's no stopping now. “I feel that, for a while now we haven’t been how we were before when we were just Y/N and Kiyoomi. Instead of how we are now. Just Y/N. Then Kiyoomi and Empress.”

After hearing his agents name, Kiyoomi’s name contorts to confusion “Empress? What does she have to do with anything?”

“How can you not see? For the past month all it’s been is ‘Empress this’ ‘Empress that,’” you complain “Having your super secret conversations with her, like god Kiyoomi can’t you see a problem with this?”

“It’s not like that Y/N, we’re just work partners” he says looking a bit annoyed “Just business.”

“Just business? So Kiyoomi, what were you talking about on the phone earlier” you say with your voice slight accusingly.

“Umm I, I can’t really say?” he says more of a question then a fully assured statement. You squint your eyes at him and scoff.

“What is going on with you Omi?” you say “are you cheating on me with her is that it?”

“No, no of course not Y/N! How could you even ask that?” he frowned at your question making your chest hurt, since deep down you knew he could never do that to you. Could he?

“Well tell me then, what were you talking about?” you ask again.

“I can’t say..” he finishes

“Well I can’t stay.” you say and his face goes back to confusion “Here. With you.”

“What do you mean Y/-”

“I need a break or something. I just can’t be here right now.” You start to rush and pack a big of things whilst Kiyoomi just stands there.

After you pack up your stuff, you look back and see Kiyoomi just there. Standing. You were upset, you kind of wanted him to rush after you and beg you not to leave, but he was just there. Standing. So you put the hand on the door and just before you leave you turn back and say “bye Sakusa, see you later?” to which you see him slightly nod at.

When the door shut, Kiyoomi starts to cry. After hearing you call him by his last name really twisted the knife that was already in his heart. You haven’t called him that since you were like 15. He knew what you wanted; he knew you wanted him to rush towards you and beg you not to leave, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. But what he could do is call the one person he only could call.

After a few rings, he hears “What do you need Saku?”

“She’s gone, she left.”

“What do you mean she’s gone, did you tell her?”

“No I didn’t tell her. And that’s the problem, Empress she think-”

“Saku, don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it.”

“You’ll handle it?”

“Don’t I always?”

He couldn’t argue with that, he just had to trust that Empress could sort it. “And also, don’t spend the week with your head up your ass crying, you’ve got a lot of grovelling to do kiddo.”

He nodded even though she couldn’t see him, as he knew that what just went down needed to be resolved, fast.

Meanwhile, on your end. You’re a mess. Sobbing all the time, tissues are your best friend, you’ve been waiting just waiting for a message or a call, or some form of communication. You just wanted to feel wanted by your boyfriend (can you even call him that now.)

You spent the rest of the week at your parents, immersing yourself in your work and doing ‘self care’ things, trying to forget all about the argument you and Kiyoomi had.

One day, you receive a letter, it wasn’t delivered by a mail man though. It was slid under your door, in a golden envelope sealed with a red hot wax seal. It read:

‘Dear Y/N,

My sweetheart, im sorry for how the week has been and I know a letter with only a fraction of how I feel won’t make up for how I acted that day. But im inviting you to join me at the Gardenia Botanical Gardens at 2 pm tommorow, to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.

I know there is a big chance, you may not want to see me and I understand but please. I love you, so so much, that words can’t even describe. But I need you to see me apologise and I need to make it up to you.

I hope to see you there, I’d wait the whole day for you. If you don’t show, I understand.

Sincerely, Sakusa Kiyoomi

P.S The theme is ‘summer hot day, tea with the queen’ - Atsumu’

You smile at the letter, but wonder if you should actually go or not. You did want to see him of course and get this all resolved, but you had your own plans for your anniversary which wouldn’t of been spoiled if he didn’t withhold his super-secret phone calls.

It took you hours to contemplate on what to do, but you decided to just sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow. In the morning, you knew what you wanted to do. Of course, you had to go, at least to hear him out and see if he really did cheat on you or not. For all you know he’s inviting you to tell you that he’s going to run away with his agent and his secret kids they had together. You shook the negative thoughts from your head and just repeated your mantra ‘hope for the best and prepare for the worst.’

When you got there, you didn’t exactly know where he would be but he said ‘botanical gardens’ so of course you decided to just wander around there. It was nice walking around and just smelling the roses, and seeing the pretty scenery.

“Excuse me ma’am,” you hear someone say tugging on your leg “um that mister over there told me to give you these.” Looking down, you see a small boy who looked about the age of four with a crumpled up bunch of roses handing them to you.

“Oh thank you,” you say giving the kid a head pat “where is this ‘mister’ might I ask?”

“He’s over there!” The kid pointed behind him and you look to see Kiyoomi sitting under a white gazebo which is surrounded in your favorite flowers and the table is filled with food.

You walk over to your ‘boyfriend,’ with him not noticing your present yet. When you reach him you say “I think she stood you up buddy,” you joke making him jump abit startled.

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, instantly beaming “You came you made it!” he stood up and pulled you into a hug, which you return before you remember why you came here in the first place.

“Oh I-” he says awkwardly

You decide to sit down pulling him down with you. You kind of sit there in uncomfortable silence, for a while until you both say.

“So I-”

“What are yo-”

You both laughed at your simultaneous comments, before Kiyoomi looks at you letting you speak. “What did you want to bring me here for?”

“I didn’t want, what happened last week to happen Y/N I-” he says looking a bit panicked “It wasn’t supposed to go this way.”

“Then how was it meant to go Sakusa.”

“Y/N, please don’t call me that, I know I made you upset but pleas-” he starts before getting distracted again “Y/N, I called you here to say a few things..”

“Them being.?” you ask a bit impatiently.

“I love you. I love you so much, you don’t even understand. Ever since I saw you at my volleyball game in our first year, in the stands just cheering us on. I knew that from that day, after I scored the winning point and our eyes met, that we were destined to be together. I just love you so much Y/N”

“Omi I don’t understand I-”

“Just let me finish please, It’s taken a while for me to say this. And trust me, there’s been so many times when I wanted to just say ‘hey Y/N let’s get married,’ but I couldn’t I was scared, and I wanted it to be perfect, so perfect. Because you deserve the world Y/N. That’s why I got Empress to help, I know that our conversations may seem odd, but I love you and she knows that she just wanted to help trust me. And she did, all this wouldn’t of been done if it wasn’t for her. But anyways Y/N what I waned to say was I love you and I love you and I-” he rambles on loosing track of his words.

But in the midst of his speech, you hear all that you needed and responded with the only way you can.

“Yes.” you say simply, with a growing smile on your face.

“Yes?” he repeats confused “What do you meann ye- ohhh" Kiyoomi blushes embarrased that after all that he ended up ruining the thought out proposal he wanted to give you with his ramble.

“Im sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to say it like that I wanted it to be perfect and I-”

You shut him up with a kiss making his eyes widen as he reciprocates it anyways.

“What did she say?” you hear someone shout from a far, and you look over to see the MSBY Jackals all standing there with shit eating grins on their faces.

“I said yes!” you yell back, to which they all cheer and rush towards you guys giving you both hugs and slapping Kiyoomi on the back.

As the boys celebrate Omi finnally do what he’s been planning for ages, you get approached by Empress who awkwardly walks up to you. “ I didn’t want to leave the impression that me and Saku were any sort of thing?” she says

“Yeah I think it was definitely a big misunderstanding, it’s just that Omi was never around and whenever he was he was just talking to you and you know how it is.”

“I definitely know, I’d feel the same way if my boyfriend did that to me.”

“Oooh boyfriend?” you ask her feeling nosey on her romantic life.

“Yeah boyfriend. You know iwaizumi hajime... the trainer?” she says smiling a bit when she said his name.

“The trainer! Nice.”

The rest of the night was fun and was basically an engagement party for you and Omi all you and friends just partying and celebrating yours and Omi’s love for each other. “Omi” you say getting his attention “Happy ten year anniversary babe”

“Happy anniversary, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

After the party you spend your months now planning for a big fat wedding, with the help of your new found bestie, Empress (who you obviously misjudged from the start.) You and Omi could never be happier, every thing was back to how it was before, maybe even better. And you definitely spent at least two Saturdays a month going out for picnics and it was now a tradition in your relationship, so in the end you did get your ‘aesthetic picnic date.’

AN: WHAT DID U GUYS THINK??

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x reader comfort #haikyuu fluff #sakusa x you #sakusa headcanons #haikyu angst #sakusa fluff #sakusa x reader #sakusa oneshot #haikyu sakusa #signedwithane😌

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zingaplanet · 2 years

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Just spent an hour listening to Carra's podcast with Phil and I realised how precious it is because it's probably the only time we could get such a close insight on how Jamie's relationship with Gary actually is from the perspective of someone's who's truly part of their close circle. It's made me realise some really subtle things that would probably go unnoticed if Phil didn't mention it especially because of how much we might've misunderstood Gary as a person.

Few things:

1. I love how from the very start it's very clear that Gary's going to be a major part of the conversation and indeed about 80% of the podcast is about United but especially about his relationship with Gary basically understanding the experiences that they went through together. Phil even joked in the beginning that he wasn't the original Neville Jamie wanted on in his podcast and might've just invited him to scoop news about the other brother lol

2. I was honestly very very touched with the brotherhood between Gary and Phil. Phil said sometimes they really struggled maintaining that balance between family and rivals but at the end of the day Gary has always been a brother first for him and he mentioned how on the day he was going to end his contract with United, Gary who's always been critical about him leaving their childhood club just dropped everything and phoned Fergie demanding that he met both of them and they got a meeting with him in 10 mins and Gary basically sticking up for him the whole time and being the protective big brother he's needed in the worst moments of his career.

3. These inside jokes that they share about Gary that are truly endearing, show how they are both so exasperated and yet so fond of Gary at the same time. I've had my doubts in the past when both Carra and Gary often denied that they're mates but after listening to this there's literally no way that they're not at least part of each other's close circle. A lot of times during the podcast Carra often throws sticks at Gary, maybe making fun of his character or even at some point saying "Typical Gary" but Phil never corrected him, he just laughed along as if he understood how the dynamic is exactly like between the two, and he knows how well Carra actually knows his brother. He often sometimes says "He must've told you this as well," or something like "I don't know what he said to you about that day" but it's the certainty that he's talking to someone who knows his brother really well that actually made it so fascinating how much he can open up about their brotherhood and their family growing up.

This reminds me of the Co92 promotional video that Gary did with Scholesy and Butty where they were playing heads up with football players. And when Jamie's picture came up, the first thing Scholesy and Phil said to get him to guess him was "your best mate" and "your partner" which I always thought was just a bit of a jibe from the Mancs to Gary for now working with a Scouser, but now that I think about it more, Gary never really denied it and he got it on the second try, which gives a really interesting insight to how his best mates actually understand his relationship with Carra and maybe tease him a bit for having a Scouser in his close circle.

Carra's the same, when Stevie's making a jibe against Gary Neville stealing his best mate, he doesn't really deny it and pokes at it in good fun instead. It's in what's left unsaid between these two, really.

4. This last point is the one that truly shifts my whole perspective on their relationship because I feel like I finally understood why over the years even though they've known each other more than 20 years now, both Jamie and Gary are still reluctant to say they're at least mates on camera despite us seeing how much they actually like each other and are comfortable speaking to each other in the one to one interviews they often did.

So in the podcast Phil basically pointed out bluntly how he thinks Gary and Jamie are literally the most similar person you could ever meet and this coming from someone who knows his brother best is really something. This he mentioned not only in terms of work ethic and how they both understand football, you know working hard, winner mentality etc etc, staying loyal to your club (Phil actually said that Jamie would probably face the exact problems that Gary faced if he goes into management because of their similar temperament) but also because of how they deal with emotions. Specifically, he said that during his last day in United, Gary was the only person he didn't see in Old Trafford who wished him goodbye. He was kicking balls somewhere outside the main pitch. When he came back home in the evening, Gary was there smiling and laughing at jokes. And he said he understands his brother because Gary is the most unemotional person he ever met, he never gives hugs, high fives etc and he's not affectionate in any way, but he knows that he loves his close circle. That's why he didn't want to say goodbye to his brother on his last day at Old Trafford.

So basically Phill calls his brother an emotional retard who doesn't know how to express love lol.

And then Jamie answered, I know exactly what you meant about Gary. And he actually said that before he met Gary he thought he was the most unemotional person on the planet but Gary was on a whole other level 🥲. But what strikes me as amazing is that it's the realisation that both Jamie and Gary actually know each other's personalities really well and how they deal with emotions, although they never really talk about it. It's sort of an unspoken rule that I care about you, and I know you care about me and we don't need to let everyone or each other know by saying it all the time.

It's this unspoken certainty that they know exactly what they meant to each other and how each other's personalities actually are that really shows how much trust and affection is there. And I think this type of affection is the kindest, warmest of them all, my parents do this all the time. It's something born out of pure trust that can only manifest through time. Because they don't have to look, they don't have to say, they just know.

When things get really tough though, just like Gary did for Phil when he was about to leave United, we always see Jamie and Gary sort of sticking up for each other. Gary publicly defended Jamie in front of the producers and on twitter when he was about to be sacked. That tbh is a really bold move, especially given the nature of the controversy at that time, Gary's putting his credibility on the line for his partner. Jamie knows this as well, I remember one instagram live (they were talking about Ole and how the United gang always backs him up on sky) he asked Gary indirectly, whether when it comes to it, Gary would stick up for him and would choose him over his United mates and that was the only time we actually heard Gary confirm it albeit in a very vague way as these emotional retards do. That Carra's as much a part of his circle as his United family.

And Jamie despite him always giving the stick to Gary about Valencia always defended him in his columns saying what a great manager he actually is, as if he wouldn't let anybody have a go at Gary except him.

The other thing that is very fascinating is how Phil understood how unemotional Gary and Jamie actually are as a person, and how much trouble they have dealing with emotions and things that really matter, when both of them are known to be the most passionate, outspoken emotional fixtures in their club and in football. It shows a lot how truly these two are inherently as much a part of football as football is a part of them, that only in football can they ever show their emotions, their failings, their pains and their fears. And that is why you can see how everyone from Dave Jones to Micah to even Phil himself said how similar these two are. Because football was their first love, and really when it comes to love you don't need to say it to be able to understand do you?

#carraville #gary neville jamie carragher #gary neville #jamie carragher #punditry #football rpf #football #premier league #anfield #liverpool football club #liverpool #manchester united

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yslkook · 3 years

Text

BRIGHT (2)

mind of mine masterlist

summary: you and jungkook share a moment in a bookstore. pairing: “badboy” jk x “shy/reserved” oc warnings: cursing, excessive use of pet names…bc its me

“Oh, lighten up Jeon,” Yoongi rolls his eyes, “You look like someone told you that your cat died.”

“The only kitty he wants won’t give him the time of day,” Mina grins, earning herself a glare from Jungkook.

“More like I can't get her time of day because her stupid best friend has a stick up her ass,” Jungkook mutters.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this,” Mei observes, “Our baby tattoo artist pining over a girl…”

“If looks could kill, you’d be dead by now, Mei,” Yoongi says pointedly, “Now stop wasting time meddling in Jungkook’s love life, Jin will have all of our heads-”

“Love life? I don’t have a love life,” Jungkook protests, eyes adorably round.

“And that’s why you’re so broody today, honey,” Mina teases, “More so than usual at least.”

“I am not broody,” Jungkook grumbles, turning his back on his laughing coworkers and friends. He can’t help but smile at their teasing.

“Oh, lighten up, Kookie,” Mei says lightly, clapping his shoulder, “If it makes you feel any better, that girl couldn’t stop staring at you at Hobi’s birthday. And she definitely wants a piece of this.”

Jungkook ignores the raucous laughter of his friends (which only increases when Jin comes out from the backroom to add on to his suffering) and the reddening of his cheeks as he gets ready for his full day of tattoo consultations and appointments.

Jungkook’s day ends about an hour earlier than he had anticipated- his last client for the day had to reschedule due to a last minute conflict. That’s fine by him. It gives him time to stop by the bookstore a few blocks away from the tattoo parlor before it closes.

Jungkook tries his best to read at least one new book a month. He’s known the older shop owner, Jia and her young son, Jae-sung, for years now, as he had basically grown up with Jia from childhood.

He loves the quiet of the store and the immediate scent of vanilla and cedar that surrounds him as soon as he walks in. The bookstore itself has a vintage sort of feel, with dimmed lights, old shelves of mahogany and candles placed throughout the store.

Jungkook always brings croissants from the bakery nearby for Jia and little Jae-sung. Usually when he comes by, the bookstore is empty (or close to it).

Jae-sung screeches when he sees Jungkook walk in the door and immediately runs up to him, hugging his legs. Jungkook crouches, ruffling his hair fondly and Jae-sung is nearly bouncing off of the heels of his feet.

“Mommy say she have new book for you, Kookie!” Jae-sung beams, eyeing the box of croissants in Jungkook’s free hand.

“Does she?” Jungkook muses, “Your mommy always knows what kind of books I like.”

“Me too! Me too!”

“Hey, Jungkook,” Jia’s voice filters through the store as she approaches, “It’s been a while.”

“It took me a while to finish the last book. But so worth it,” He says apologetically, “I also brought croissants. Enjoy.”

“You spoil us,” Jia rolls her eyes, “The new arrivals are in the back, third aisle from the left. You know the drill.”

Jia has known Jungkook since he was a baby in diapers- she’s been his aunt’s close friend for years and years now. Jungkook likes to joke that he likes Jia more than his own aunt, and Jia always reprimands him (without really meaning it).

He thought the bookstore was empty, save for Jia and Jae-sung. But he’s clearly mistaken, when he sees a figure in an olive green sweater and black jeans perusing through the new arrivals with their bottom lip tucked between their teeth in concentration.

He recognizes them immediately and when the person raises their head in curiosity, he sees your wide eyes and a shy smile starting to pull across your lips.

You’re here, in his favorite bookstore where he feels like he’s at home. If he was looking for a sign, then this was it.

“Hi,” You say softly, waving your fingers at him, “So you like reading, huh?”

You visibly cringe and Jungkook chuckles. Your cheeks feel warm when you take him in, swirls and dots of his tattoos peeking out of his black leather jacket and beckoning you closer to him. The three hoops in his left ear glint with the light and the dangling earring on his right ear dangles with the movement of his head. His hair is tied back into a ponytail, accentuating the curve of his jaw and his soft dimples.

Your breath is stolen away when you meet his eyes, deep brown and murky, popping against the peach eyeshadow on his eyelids.

You nearly swoon on the spot before you get your bearings. Maybe he’d catch you if your knees buckled, you think dryly. How embarrassing.

“I try reading something new once a month,” Jungkook replies, pulling you out of your reverie, “And I just like the bookstore in general. Sometimes I like to just come here and hang out with Jia and Jae-sung.”

“Oh! Jia makes my favorite lavender chamomile tea. There’s nothing like it,” You say a little dreamily, “Jae-sung is a cutie. That boy can just look at you and you’d be putty in his hands. Kinda like you.”

The last bit slips out of your mouth without you meaning for it to.

“Kinda like me, huh,” Jungkook smirks, eyes glittering, “It would be fun to see if you’d be putty in my hands, wouldn’t it?”

“The world may never know,” You mumble sheepishly and avoid his eyes again, “What kind of book are you looking for?”

“The one you’re holding, baby,” Jungkook murmurs, looking past your shoulder for another copy of the same book.

“Are you looking for this book just because I’m reading it or because you’ve been genuinely eyeing it?” You ask boldly, a hint of a smile playing on your lips.

“Oh, you’re funny,” Jungkook snorts, walking past you to grab the book off of the shelf.

“So I’ve been told,” Your eyes flash, “We should do a boozy book club.”

“Is it a book club if it’s just the two of us?”

“It can be whatever we want it to be,” You shrug, “Besides, don’t you wanna hang out with me?” You tilt your head and Jungkook’s resolve weakens. His heart does something funny- is this how it’s supposed to be?

“Of course I wanna hang out with you, baby,” Jungkook murmurs smoothly, “C’mon, let’s go have some of Jia’s tea. And a croissant too, if Jae hasn’t eaten them already.”

Jungkook glares at Jia the entire time that she’s making tea for both of you. He knows her sly, curious eyes and was unable to keep the surprise off of her face when you had both walked down the stairs together.

She even had the audacity to wink at him. He hopes that the family groupchat doesn’t start blowing up when Jia inevitably informs his aunt and mother about this new development.

“Kookie,” Jae-sung whispers (loudly) when you step away to use the bathroom, “Is dat your girlfriend?”

“What?” Jungkook hisses, “Who told you that?”

“My mommy say I ask you! I not know!”

“No, Jae, that’s not my girlfriend,” Jungkook mumbles, shooting Jia another death glare. She only smiles smugly at him from her spot behind the counter.

Jia leaves him alone for the most part when you return and take your seat next to him. He can still feel her eyes on you both as she washes teacups, watching like a hawk.

“These croissants are so good,” You nearly moan, “Where’d you get them?”

“There’s a bakery near the tattoo parlor,” Jungkook says, “You should come by sometime.”

“The bakery or the parlor?”

“Both?”

“I’ve only been there a few times,” You muse, “I hear you’re the best tattoo artist there. From the mouth of Hobi and Jin themselves.”

“Don’t let Mina and Mei hear you say that,” Jungkook says weakly, rubbing the back of his neck. His cheeks are a little pink and you resist chuckling to yourself.

“I’ve always wanted to get a second piercing,” You trail off, “But never really committed to it.”

“What would you want to get? We do piercings, too,” Jungkook says.

“Cartilage? Industrial? I don’t know,” You shrug, sipping your tea.

“Mina usually has a good eye for that,” Jungkook admits, “Now you have more of a reason to stop by.”

“Oh, I already had a reason to stop by the parlor,” You say brazenly with a sweet smile.

“Is that so?” Jungkook says, quirking an eyebrow at you.

You hum and continue to sip your tea, wondering if he can somehow hear the loud rattling of your eager heart in your ribcage.

Conversation with him comes so easily and you don’t know when the last time you had spent this long with him was. Something always seems to interrupt you both when you eventually do find yourselves alone with each other during outings with friends. But this time, it’s just you and him tucked away in this bookstore.

The sun has long gone down and Jia was about to close the bookstore for the day. In fact, the only reason she kept it open for this long was because of you both. You apologize profusely with worried eyes when you realize the time and see Jae-sung fast asleep in his mother’s arms.

She waves you off, giving Jungkook a lingering look that you don’t understand.

“I’ll be back soon,” You promise Jia in a soft voice, so as to not wake Jae-sung, “Be well, Jia.”

She bids you both goodnight, and unbeknownst to you, she shoots Jungkook a simple text. It states: “keep her close, i like her”.

Jungkook ignores it in favor of focusing on you.

“How you getting home, baby?” Jungkook asks as you both walk up the block shoulder to shoulder.

“Hmm… I’m supposed to meet Sora for dinner but she said she’s stuck at work,” You murmur, wrapping your arms around yourself as you scroll on your phone, “But I was just on social media and it looks like she’s getting drinks with her other friends…”

You look at him with a frown tugging at your lips and your eyes wide. “Maybe it was a last minute thing,” You mumble to yourself.

“Or maybe she lied to you,” Jungkook says sharply. You only look at him in silence for a few moments with furrowed brows.

“Maybe there was a reason,” You shrug, “Why would she lie about that?”

Because she’s Sora, and she just would. But Jungkook stays silent. You don’t need to hear about how he dislikes your best friend, at least not yet. Not when you’re not ready to hear it.

“Forget about her,” Jungkook says easily, “Lemme take you home, baby.”

“I’m not riding that metal death contraption,” You say flatly, “You just got it! Like two weeks ago! You don’t even have an extra helmet, and forget a helmet, I need elbow pads and knee pads-”

“Will you relax,” Jungkook says, putting your books in the small basket he built into the front of the motorcycle.

“No, I will not relax, Jeon Jungkook!” You nearly screech, “This is so dangerous, we could both fall in the road and then what? Become roadkill for the next soccer mom van to run us both over? Death by soccer mom, what a way to go-”

“Are you done?” Jungkook says dryly.

“No, actually, I’m not done-”

“You trust me, baby?” Jungkook asks, hand on your shoulder. You can’t even properly appreciate the warmth of his large hand over your jacket.

“Of course I trust you, I don’t trust that,” You point at the motorcycle accusingly and Jungkook rolls his eyes. You can already feel your resolve weakening. He wordlessly places his own helmet over your own head and you glare at him, about to start your tirade again.

“You take mine,” Jungkook murmurs, “And hold on to me.”

“You can’t just give me your helmet, what if you fall? Or worse, get pulled over?”

“Or worse, get pulled over, are you joking-”

“Jungkook! Be serious!”

“I am being serious! You said you only live ten minutes from here, just relax. I won’t let anything happen to either of us,” Jungkook says, tongue poking the inside of his cheek.

“If anything happens, it’s your head on a platter and I’m bringing it to the tattoo parlor.”

“How can you do that if we both die?”

“Shut the fuck up,” You say, but a laugh escapes your lips. Jungkook sits on his bike and looks at you expectantly.

“C’mon, baby,” Jungkook coaxes you and you awkwardly sit behind him, making sure that your legs don’t touch his and your arms are safely away from him.

“If you sit like that, you’ll definitely fall off,” Jungkook snorts, “Wrap your arms around me.”

You hesitate, afraid of touching him like this for whatever reason. He unnerves you and you feel completely exposed like this. You’ve never really been this close to anyone, at least anyone who made you feel the way Jungkook makes you feel.

Biting the bullet, you tensely wrap your arms around his narrow waist loosely. “Good girl,” Jungkook murmurs, “Tighter, baby. I don’t bite, unless you want me to.”

Your stomach flips at his words, subconsciously wrapping your arms around his narrow waist even more tightly. Your fingers graze the hard press of his tummy over his jacket and you almost moan at how warm and strong he feels. He smells nice, like Sunday morning laundry.

“Ugh, you’re annoying-” And then you shriek as he pulls away from the road and shoots off into the night with you plastered against his backside.

“See that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jungkook says, taking the helmet off of you. He’s met with a glare but you sigh in defeat.

“No, I guess it wasn’t. But I never want you driving this hunk of death without a helmet for yourself,” You say, poking his chest.

“You should be nicer to her,” Jungkook says, taking your finger in his large hand.

“You’re right, it’s you that I should be mean to,” You roll your eyes. You wonder if Jungkook could feel your heart slamming in your chest (in fear, adrenaline and excitement) as you hung tight to him. You had refused to look up, pressing your face into his back and squeezing your eyes shut the entire way. Jungkook had only chuckled.

The heat in your eyes melts away quickly once Jungkook helps you off of the motorcycle. “Thanks for taking me home, Jungkook,” You murmur, “I’m glad I ran into you at the bookstore.”

“Any time, baby,” Jungkook says. A strand of dark hair falls from his ponytail and into his face. You reach your fingers up to thread through his hair before pushing it back behind his ear for him.

“Get home safe,” You say, with stars in your eyes, “Can I hug you?” When he nods, and before you can change your mind or convince yourself out of it, you wrap your arms around him. And before he can properly return it, you dash into your apartment building while calling out “text me when you get home!”

Hours later, when he’s in the comfort of his home, he decides that he likes the way your spicy vanilla scented perfume clings to his leather jacket.

tags: @kookdbean @tiemeuptogoldenchains @boymeetsparadise @jungkooksseuphoria

#jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook fluff #badboy jk #badboy jungkook

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