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evolvedclown · 1 month

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there is nothing more heartbreaking than when you are everyone’s, literally everyone’s, personal therapist but the second you want to talk to someone about some thing, even if it’s not something serious, you can tell they aren’t actually listening, or they immediately change the topic, or they talk over you. i take on everyone’s problems (not that they care) but you can’t listen to me talk about a movie i just watched?

#family problems #family issues #the family therapist #family therapist

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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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overlymetaromantic · 1 year

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*slaps Loid like I’m a salesperson showing off a new car*: you can pack so much anxiety into this one man

#spy x family #loid forger #anya forger #sxf #spy family #loid x yor #yor x loid #twiyor #it's there if you read the text lol #twilight #if you do actually read the text please know I am very impressed #poor loid man he's in the one industry where his constant paranoia is actually justified #I'd say he should see a therapist but considering he's currently impersonating one I don't think it'd actually help #I haven't made multiple fanarts in a row in eons what is this 2017 #let's pretend I can draw

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novantinuum · 3 months

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y'know, given how Steven KNOWINGLY chose to invite Pearl along on his and Greg's little Empire City vacation hoping to nudge them into a situation where they could finally work things out, him having that awkward little line of showing off his gem and saying "and don't forget Mom :DDDD" was ABSOLUTELY an intentional decision

the little mans was TRYING to drag up their little rift so they'd finally fucking talk about it oh my god Steven, idk whether to congratulate you or call you a master manipulator uhjfnsdjhg

#jen rambles #su #steven universe #it was... emotional manipulation with Noble intent lmao #my mans be playing 6D chess with his emotionally fucked up family here #now get him a therapist

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slfcare · 6 months

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dealing with embarrassment is not about erasing the moment, but rewriting its impact. consciously decide to not care as if it's really that easy and after enough practice, you'll find that it actually will be.

#i just passed out when i was with my physical therapist #he's an intern so he didn't know what to do #woke up to like 8 doctors hanging over me!!!#i cannot stop thinking about it #i'm so embarrassed #this is for us easily embarrassed people #comfort kindness family #learning to be a social being #mental health #positivity #positive

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brucewaynehater101 · 2 months

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I can imagine after Jason's death Tim wasn't like a therapist instead he was bullying Bruce into therapy, during a fight Bruce goes "I don't need another robin, I don't need help" and Tim just stands aside and watches Bruce get his ass kicked while throwing our random tidbits of therapeutical advice.

I can definitely see this as a different hc as well.

Tim has perfected the Disappointed Stare™ as he watches Bruce in a fetal position getting kicked by a basic goon. Sometimes, when he's really tired babysitting the man, he'll allow the goons to get a few extra kicks in.

He also seems like the type not to intervene when he told Bruce exactly what was going to happen. It's not Tim's fault the man refused to listen to him.

Tim operates on spite, being right, manipulation, and bullying someone for their own good. If the bat-loving depressed middle-aged man wants to be sad by being mean to everyone else, the kid will sign him up for furry support groups. He'll get Alfred on his side to force Bruce to attend those meetings.

Tim Drake is not a licensed therapist, and he'll make damned sure that Bruce knows that. If the man wanted professional help instead of relying on bullying by a kid, the man could afford to do that. Instead, he has a thirteen year old putting itching powder in the batsuit when Bruce refuses to take it off after 27 hours.

#dc comics #dc universe #tim drake #batman #dc robin #bruce wayne #unhinged tim drake #tim drake is not a therapist but he is certified as a well-meaning menace #tim can bully his family members into healthy mental health practices #thank you for the ask!!!!

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thisisadonaldduckblognow · 11 months

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all the rise boys get done dirty on characterization by fandom in different ways i think. (not ALL the time every fanwork etc etc these are just like, trends i tend to notice?) every fandom suffers from losing character nuance.

- leo i’ve talked about plenty on this blog, how some of his canon traits (genuine belief in his skill and cockiness, capacity for joy, his manipulativeness whether for good or ill) seem to get watered down or wiped off the board and supplemented with generic sad boy. his struggles with purpose and identity and not wanting to fail somehow morph into “he hates and completely holds no value for himself”

- donnie’s canon personality gets blurred out and largely replaced with whatever list of Neurodivergent Traits. and i think there’s such a fine line to walk between exploring a character that’s been word of god confirmed as on the spectrum and overwriting what’s canonically there. it’s a hard needle to thread. it also feels like a lot of his canon emotiveness gets left off the table for some reason. bc he does have his moments of flat/deadpan delivery, but a lot of the time he’s honestly very emotive. he has the passion of a theatre kid and the vindictiveness of... also a theatre kid. and the mind of a scientist.

- raph loses so much of his rowdy teen boy energy it’s kind of wild? like interpretations sand off that he’s also impulsive and can be reckless and dumb and LOVES fighting and roughhousing and isn’t the most eloquent person. suddenly there’s this pitch perfect soft boy big bro who would never hurt a fly and always says the exact right supportive thing and singlehandedly raised his 3 brothers (which simultaneously sands off all the nuance of splinter’s issues emotionally connecting with his sons and how that affected all of them). and like i LOVE raph, he’s so full of love and care and anxiety, he clearly has learned to put a lot of work into being aware of his strength and size. but there’s a difference you know?

- mikey is like. where raph gets overparentified by fanon, mikey gets over “family therapist”-ed IMO. the impulsiveness, the goofiness, the powerful emotions including a VERY powerful temper, the flat-out dumb teen boy choices... they get ignored. suddenly there’s this only very sweet and earnest boy who has read a hundred psychology books and runs group family therapy weekly or something. he is crying in his room bc leo and raph are arguing about something. which is so. he IS very sweet and can be very earnest and is full of love! he HAS come in with his opinions and unsolicited advice a couple of times and life coached for the greater good. but there’s a difference between what he does in canon and the role he gets in fanon.

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #idk this is not a very eloquent rundown its very hard to explain exactly my vibe #ig the long story short is i feel like a lot of their most interesting and fun qualities get left in the dust #mikey as family therapist is getting under my skin the most rn i think its just so.#for as much as it seems like his brothers try to shelter him (esp raph with his overprotectiveness)..... i just dont see it #i dont see his brothers and definitely not his dad putting their issues on him like that...#him dragging donnie into that one dr feelings session and dragging draxum into a new moral alignment were different #than 'yeah everyone tells mikey their stuff and he has to do the labor of helping with it'#like it just doesnt vibe for me #i think he is very emotionally OPEN on all levels compared to his family #i think he is more likely to share when HE struggles #i dont think raph or leo is sitting with him at 3am like 'it all started when i was 4 and accidentally broke a plate' or what have you idk #it's all so ymmv i do just scroll past stuff i dont vibe with i dont drop hate on it i just #idk dudes its so hard to see the appeal in some of the choices made

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arty-tardigrade · 4 months

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They HUG!

#camp camp #cc max #cc david #dadvid #camp camp fanart #the smol angery floof #I love them so much #all i want from season 5 is another hug #I mean I'd also love it if I got to witness my fic become reality and Max goes to live with David and they're a strange small sweet family #but my therapist says I need to set realistic expectations for things so y'know a hug will suffice #also side note but I absolutely ADORED drawing this one

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tei-to-tei · 5 months

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December 16 - Mischievous Activities

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 16 | ...

#rottmnt #rise fanart #rise of the tmnt #rise leo #rise mikey #turtle tots #one could argue that mikey knows exactly what he's doing here #and just feigning ignorance #but... he's jus a wittle baby #so yeah #not cannon or even well-drawn at all i'm just feeling meh #hope everyone else is doing okay <3 #trying to spend more time writing this weekend instead of drawing and playing family therapist but... *shrugs*#it's a hard knock life #teidoodle #tei's dec23

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soulless-bex · 1 month

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the red hood vs batfam thing makes my blood boil because when you really consider it, it’s really only born from miscommunication (from everyone involved), manipulation (from talia) and emotional constipation (from everyone involved)

#they need to sit the hell down and find a family therapist i fucking swear-#batman #batfam #batfamily #red hood #bruce wayne #jason todd

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4me2knowandyou2wonder · 8 months

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I want a fic where ghost casually traumatizes people by telling them his past. Maybe it’s out of character but I want it nonetheless.

Someone: “Why do you wear the mask?”

Ghost: “It starts at age six—“

*four hours later*

Someone: *quiet sobs of horror*

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strawberrycartt · 10 months

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Treating it like any other photoshoot 👍✨

#Wanted to post something else but realized this one should come first!#This Barbie is a family therapist for demons #This Ken is in debt #and so on #obey me #obey me fanart #obey me mammon #mammon #obey me madi #obey me mc #barbie #barbie movie #fanart #my art

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chipistrate · 9 months

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Scared and Alone

(Click for better quality) Dr. Rabbit is officially my second favorite fnaf character(right next to Gregory) He's just such a little shit I love him<3

Anyway- me when I'm luring me and my coworkers therapists to their death and my coworker is annoyed at how much cleaning she's going to have to do afterwards

No text version below cut(has silly dialogue):

Screen transcript:

(Dr. Rabbit) >Girl I stg why are all our therapists soooo ass

(Vanny) >You're like >10 >Can you say that

(Dr. Rabbit) >Not like my "parents" can stop me

(Vanny) >Jesus Christ dude

#my art #Chipillustrates #fnaf #five nights at freddys #five nights at freddys security breach #fnaf security breach #fnaf Gregory #fnaf Vanny #fnaf Dr Rabbit #fnaf Vanessa #?#Docter 'not like my “parents” can stop me' Rabbit from hit 'fucked up 3 star family' trio #Fnaf GGY #Fnaf Rab #Fnaf TFTPP #Fnaf therapists #kinda??#Fnaf fanart #I REALLY wanna draw more Dr. Rabbit art..... specifically Rab and Vanny.........#Rab Vanny and Glitchtrap are such a silly villain trio imo I love writing them- I gotta draw them more #I have so many thoughts about them(specifically Dr. Rab) I needdddd to get them out into the world- rn they're all stuck in my friends DMs #(I love you Azzy ily<33 but the ideas need to breach containment or I'll explode)#Rab is like a reeeeally annoying younger brother to Vanny #like he doesn't talk that much but that almost makes him more annoying

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probablyhuntersmom · 2 years

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If Hunter found himself in the kind of dream which Eda had

(These aren't leaks, they're a combo of tracing over screenshots and airbrushing :3)

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wonkyplate · 26 days

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how could you not be obsessed with the soong's when this whole family are designed to make each other depressed

a brilliant man who fathers androids in his own likeness, more concerned with the continuation of his legacy and research than with showing love to his own children

a kind woman with so much love to give but her husband and children can't love her back in the same way (except maybe lore, but we know that at some point she came to fear him and he was deactivated)

[spoiler] the eldest android, one of noonien's first prototypes, who lacks the positronic net his younger brothers are built with. i can only assume he was treated differently by his father for the "failure" he built him with

the middle child who is designed with all the faculties of someone who can experience the best and worst of humanity and is punished for becoming wayward as a result, with little to no guidance or help ("you could have fixed me!")

the youngest android who is perfectly suspended behind the window of humanity and spends his life trailing after it, constantly in search of fitting in when he's aware it may never happen. if this father truly loved any of them, data was the most loved - which begs the question: was noonien so afraid of showing love that he required a son who couldn't know the difference?

and then you've got:

data not remembering anything about his family (wiped clean) but he has all the memories of the colonists who feared him ???

[spoiler] juliana's memories and humanity being unknowingly transferred into an android because her husband couldn't bear the thought of losing her, something which data learns after he meets her decades after the memory-wipe, but noonien still ends up losing her when she leaves years later and remarries

[spoiler] the conflict of morality when choosing whether to tell your mother she is now an android because you're desperate to have some sort of a family to share your life with, and not telling her to save her happiness !!!!!!!!!!!

data being left behind out in the cold on omicron theta while the crystalline entity destroyed the colony and all organic life on the planet, because juliana was afraid that he would turn out like lore and she couldn't bear the thought of damning another son to a life of misery

lore and data clearly feeling some sort of sibling connection but neither of them being well equipped to be the perfect brother. lore is on a crusade for a satisfaction that he'll never achieve without his family's help and data is too rigid to fully understand the intricacies. there have been too many betrayals and too much hurt for data to let lore in willingly (+ vise versa but the Mentally Ill edition)

b-4 being entirely too good for this world. he deserved so much more

this family is one of the most fucked up things about star trek. roddenberry didn't want to introduce conflict into the utopian series and so while it's a beautiful vision to aspire to, it's got this naïve and unfulfilled feel to it. people and stories thrive on conflict & solution, so the writers must have an exceptionally difficult time keeping things interesting for us. tng pulled it out of the bag with the soong tragedies

#star trek #tng #the next generation #soong #data #lore #b-4 #b4 #the dynamics are unbelievable #therapists fear this family #me #this is a soap opera i could get behind

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one-time-i-dreamt · 6 months

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Drake Bell was my therapist, but he brought his mom to our session, and she kept handing me passive aggresive notes that women don't have rights. He sent her away, and Drake spent the rest of the session asking me the colour of a bunch of pebbles he brought in.

#dream #drake bell #therapy #therapist #mom #mother #family #sexism tw #misogyny tw

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