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glowwithsophia · 1 month

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The Subtle Art of Becoming "That Girl" in 2024 🌸✨

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Hello beautiful souls! It's me, Sophia. If you are new reader then

Hi! I’m Sophia and I want to empower women to prioritize their well-being while pursuing their dreams🌟

Today, I woke up feeling extra inspired by the #thatgirl aesthetic. You know her – she's the girl who embodies self-love, radiates positivity, and just seems to have her life beautifully organized. Personally, I believe, she's not just a trend; she's a movement towards becoming the best version of ourselves. And guess what? Becoming "that girl" isn't about perfection; it's about progress. It's about embracing the journey of self-improvement, self-care, and love. So, let's dive into a few ways you can bring a little bit of "that girl" magic into your everyday life:

1. Morning Rituals ✨

Start your day with purpose. Whether it's a morning skincare routine, meditation, or writing down your thoughts in a daily planner, find what centers you. If you have been following me for a while then you know how important this is. Remember, it's these small rituals that set the tone for a productive, positive day.

2. Self-Care Sundays 🛁

Dedicate time each week to pamper yourself. This could be a long bath, a skincare routine, or even a cozy evening with a book. It's all about showing yourself some love and appreciation.

I remember back in my childhood my older sister used to always have pamper sundays and I would always try and follow her footsteps however, back then your girl was as lazy as one can be...so zero exceptions. Be better than me girls and make the future you be proud.

3. Clean Girl Aesthetic 🌿

Embrace the clean girl aesthetic with a minimalist wardrobe, clean makeup looks, and a tidy space. A clutter-free environment not only looks good but also brings a sense of calm and order to your mind. Clean home = clean mind + remember clean body

4. Find Your Fitness Love 💕

Whether it's pink pilates, yoga, or a brisk walk in the park, find a physical activity that you love. It's not just about the physical benefits but the mental clarity and energy boost it brings.

5. Nourish to Flourish 🍓

Eating well is a form of self-respect. Fill your plate with colors, textures, and nutrients. It's not just about looking good, but feeling good from the inside out.

6. Learn and Grow 🌱

Embrace new hobbies, read more books, and challenge yourself to learn something new often. Growth is a huge part of becoming "that girl".

7. Stay Organized 📒

Invest in a good daily planner to keep track of your goals, appointments, and to-dos. There's something incredibly satisfying about ticking off tasks and staying on top of your game.

And here's a little secret for you: part of my "that girl" journey includes creating pieces that speak to my soul. I stumbled upon this adorable Etsy shop aka my Etsy Shop [GlowInGrow] that just screams self-care and love. My THAT GIRL planner is something that I did with love and my own hands. For me, it's not just a planner, it's my way of helping others because that's what being her is. Being her means she shares her secrets to help the rest of the girlies. MESSAGE ME FOR THE PROMO CODE *hint*

Also this planner has got you covered from setting your intentions and tracking your habits to planning your meals and self-care routines perfect for anyone looking to add that extra touch of mindfulness and beauty to their daily routine. It's subtle, but oh, so beautiful. 🌟

AND REMEMBER;

Becoming "that girl" isn't an overnight transformation. It's about making small, meaningful changes that align with who you are and who you aspire to be. Let's embrace this journey together, one step at a time. 💕

Last but not least, at the end of your journey of becoming that girl awaits the future who is The Girl!

Stay safe and stay hot...

With Love, Sophia

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heliza24 · 7 days

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Let’s talk about parallels between Wilhelm and Sara in Season 3 of Young Royals

Because there are so many! This is a continuation of sorts of this meta that I wrote about them being A and B plot protagonists in season 1 and 2. I don’t know that I would describe them exactly that way in season 3, but I do think their plots, character arcs, and themes are meant to mirror each other very closely this season.

One of my favorite things about the parallels between Wilhelm and Sara this season is that comparing them really makes you hold Sara’s friendship with Felice on the same level as Wilhelm’s romantic relationship with Simon (and Sara’s with August) which I think is so important. Both Wilhelm and Sara go through breakups over the course of the season (I think Felice’s reaction especially frames her friendship breakup with Sara similarly to a romantic breakup, which I love). And both of their arcs are about mending those relationships.

Sara and Wilhelm both need to experience the world outside of Hillerska before they can mend those relationships. Sara is able to glimpse some independence, even just through getting her license. The whole world is open to her now, as Felice says in ep 6. I don’t know that she would have been able to make her decision not to go back to August without experiencing that freedom. And Wilhelm also needs to experience the full force of what life in the monarchy would be like before he is able to decide to leave it. Because of this they also act as our window into the two different worlds outside of Hillerska, the palace and Bjarstad. They create the larger context in which we understand Hillerska this season.

I love that both of their journeys of personal growth are symbolized through cars. Wilhelm is always getting trapped with his mom or a member of the court in a fancy car; it’s where almost all of the monarchy’s most onerous instructions on how to live are delivered to him. So it’s huge when he leaves his parents in the chauffeured car at the end of episode 6 and goes to find Simon, Felice and Sara in Sara’s beat up used car. Meanwhile, Sara has traded in horses for the car. This is stated pretty explicitly when her dad asks her if she would like to work with horses and she declines, saying that she has come to realize that horses are simply traded by rich people as status symbols, and her dad suggests she get her drivers license since it will help with any job she wants. In seasons 1 and 2 Rousseau is pretty heavily associated with August, along with the pressures put on August and the other elite kids at Hillerska to conform to expectations (@bluedalahorse has written the Bible on that here), so the fact that Sara swaps out the horse for a car that can take her anywhere feels like a step away from both August and the prescriptive norms of Hillerska.

Sara and Wilhelm both reject what they saw as their destined future. This is obviously really clear for Wilhelm; he assumed he would be prince and then king after Erik died, and his greatest moment of character growth is when he decides he doesn’t have to fulfill that assigned role if it will keep him from being happy and living authentically. I love the scene where Sara talks with her dad about her fears that she will fail in the same ways that he did because she also has autism and adhd. This is a less clear-cut assigned destiny, but that fear of becoming a self fulfilling prophecy is equally overwhelming, especially because Sara has already let down someone she cares about in a way that’s not dissimilar to how her father breaks promises. The fact that she’s able to come to terms with her dad’s influence in her life, but realize she really is in charge of her own future, is really powerful. (I also think it’s such smart writing about the way disability and internalized ableism can really affect your self image).

In order to break free of those predetermined destinies, both Sara and Wilhelm need to see a father/mentor figure as more than black and white. Wilhelm needs to acknowledge that Erik wasn’t perfect, and did help contribute to some of the abusive traditions of Hillerska. Sara needs to recognize that even though her dad isn’t a perfect parent, she still loves him for the care he is able to show to her and wants to have him in her life. I love that both Wilhelm and Sara learn to hold multiple conflicting emotions about their loved ones. They can be disappointed by some of Micke and Erik’s actions, but they can still value their relationships with those family members and recognize them as complex, complete people.

They also both go on a similar journey with how they see August. Wilhelm comes to recognize that August is both a perpetrator and victim of the class system and Hillerska’s systemized abuse. Sara similarly realizes that August is an adult who needs to be responsible for his own emotions. She’s no longer interested in saving him from his complex feelings of guilt, and recognizes his potential to find self healing. Both of those new assessments of August grant him more maturity and complexity than earlier in the show. (They also reflect the way that August grows, in fits and starts, over the course of season 3. If there was a season 4 of the show, I think we would really see August respond to Sara and Wilhelm’s new attitudes towards him in a way that would fuel future character growth).

Viewing Erik, Micke, and August more complexly also allows Sara and Wilhelm to forgive themselves for the ways they are similar to those people. They are able to acknowledge the shame they feel around their actions, but also forgive themselves in the same way that they forgive others.

Both Sara and Wilhelm have specifically let down Simon in pretty big ways (Sara by secretly dating August, Wilhelm by perpetuating the royal family restrictions onto Simon). But they are able to recognize those mistakes and reconcile with Simon.

Wilhelm and Sara both leave the monarchy (Wilhelm literally, Sara by refusing a relationship with August), but they also leave a kind of prescriptive romance behind. Wilhelm says no to having to monitor Simon, to having to roll out his relationship in a certain way to please the court, and to having their future together mapped out and their decision around children made for them. Sara says no to a smaller set of requirements, but the traditional ways that August sees romance are so influenced by the monarchy (which is in turn so influenced patriarchy) that they are similar in some ways. Sara says no to having to do August’s emotional labor, to managing him so that he will fit the image of a good heir. She says no to waiting for him to visit on weekends while he does military service. She says no to this grand plan that he has. (This was @bluedalahorse’s point originally that she shared with me, and honestly I think it's so smart). Wilhelm chooses a romantic relationship that he and Simon are free to create together without rules; Sara chooses a friendship based on honesty and support. Both are valid options that give the characters a sense of peace and freedom. And they would not have been able to make those choices without all of the growth they went through over the course of the season.

I think Sara and Wilhelm's arcs compliment each other so well, and it was one of my favorite things about season 3. I loved watching both of them get to grow so much and end up in such a happy place.

#young royals #my meta #wilhelm young royals #sara eriksson

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oneatlatime · 2 months

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Hiii!!! I’ve been binging through your blog for the past few weeks and I noticed how you talk about how Kataang(Katara x Aang) is portrayed in the show. Honestly yeah, I will admit I didn’t like it at first but now I just don’t really care for it. But I’d be interested hearing an in-depth opinion on the ship(unless you already did and I just never noticed or forgot 😭).

Another question, do you think you’re going to read the comics that came out the series? If you’re asking my opinion I’d say they’re a uuuh 7-8 out of 10 IG?

I do have thoughts on Kataang which I haven't shared yet. Part of me thinks I should wait to answer your ask until I've finished the series; it's obvious to me that these two are being set up to be the big finale couple, which means if I talk about them now I'm probably missing the pieces I need to have a full, well-rounded opinion. But you know what? I feel like talking about them now. So here goes.

Short answer: It peeves me that Aang comes from a culture that seemingly doesn't even have parents, yet he still manages to date his mother.

Long answer: they're both way too young. I'm a huge fan of letting the kids be kids for as long as possible. Especially with these kids, who have been prevented from being kids by the war. As Katara points out in the opening scene of the very first episode, she's been the mother since her own died (or at least she feels like she has had to be the mother). Call me crazy, but I'd rather Katara spend a few years after the war doing dumb childish stuff to recapture that lost childhood than jump straight into a relationship. Isn't the safety and space to do dumb childish stuff one of the things those who are trying to end the war are fighting for? Shouldn't she get to enjoy that? And Aang is just way too young no matter what way you look at it. He's 12 right? I think that would make him a grade 6 student. Back in my day (yells at cloud) Grade 6 students collected yugioh cards and feuded over who had the snazzier lunch box. I could picture a 12 year old having a crush on a slightly older girl that goes to the same school, but it would be short lived and unactionable. I guess Katara would be around 14? So, a grade 8 student. A grade 8 girl would not date a grade 6 boy. It would just never happen.

They've both got bigger fish to fry. Aang is the last Air Nomad AND the current Avatar. When he fully takes on both of those positions, what time will he have for a girlfriend? Katara is the only Southern Waterbender. Whether or not she wants the responsibility, it will be her duty to single-handedly reconstruct a huge portion of her nation's culture from the ground up once she returns south. Does she have the time to ping pong around the globe mothering her boyfriend as he rides giant animals or does Avatar stuff? Say she wants to: what will her family and the rest of her tribe think of the only person who can access such a huge part of their culture riding off into the sunset?

Their current relationship dynamic is still too mother/son. This is more obvious in season 1 than in season 2 (maybe that's growth?) but you can't depict a male/female pair as pieta and then expect me to ship. I think this could change somewhat, but I've already been disappointed in that. I thought that once Katara had mastered waterbending and therefore felt she had something other than mothering to contribute to the group, she would back off with the mothering. And she did, a little, but not enough for my tastes. Maybe as Aang fully steps into the Avatar role and the last Air Nomad role (sidenote: no idea what the latter would look like) he'll move on to a more equal relationship with Katara.

I think Katara is meant for better things than rebirthing a nation. Bending seems to be at least somewhat genetic. So if Aang wants Airbending in any form to survive after his death, he's going to need a billion kids. While I could definitely see Katara wanting children, I don't see her as the barefoot pregnant type.

I'm not convinced that Aang has a clear picture of Katara. She has flaws, which is good! Does Aang see them?

I get the feeling that, while they are helping each others' skills grow as they travel the globe, they are also preventing each others' personalities from growing. As long as Aang is around, Katara has someone to mother. As long as Katara is around, Aang has someone who prevents him from feeling the full weight of his responsibilities. Again, this is worse in season 1, but how often did Katara deny that Aang was to blame for something that was at least somewhat his fault? Aang will never become a fully rounded person until he can look at his flaws and mistakes dead on and say "my bad" without a Katara in the background going "no you're perfect!" Katara deserves to find out what kind of person she is outside of a nurturing role. Quick thought experiment: what if you pair Katara with someone who needs no nurturing, or better yet, nurtures her? And what if you pair Aang with someone as bluntly truthful as Toph? Katara and Aang might find both of those situations uncomfortable at first, but I think it would contribute to their growth.

Aang having a crush on an oblivious Katara would be a great single season arc. I think it would fit both of their characters well, and I think Aang growing past latching on to the first person he saw after the iceberg would be a good way to show that he's rooting himself in his time-displaced present, and fully committing to ending the war. And don't get me wrong, I love Aang and Katara both as a fighting team and as friends.

These kids are all fighting a war, and all kids. I don't mind the supporting characters having romances, because it's not like Sokka or Suki can end the war, no matter how hard they try/might want to. But I'm a big believer in doing one thing at a time, and I think if you're the only person in the whole world who can end a war, then ending the war should take precedence over dating. I'm aware that that's an unrealistic expectation and out of step with the show's theme of balance. In the real world, birth rates skyrocket during war time because people live for the moment and grab happiness (read boinking) wherever they see it. But both these kids are pre-boinking age so I'm going to be a cranky old fart about it.

Being the wife of the Avatar is a position that will often come with being relegated to second place, especially with the amount of work that undoing a century of war will take. Although she works well in a team, Katara is a naturally dominant personality. Katara did enough of putting herself in second place before the series started. I think Katara could very easily fall into the pattern of subjugating her own needs and desires and putting her husband's first, but I don't want that to happen. And one way to prevent that from happening is to prevent her from dating the single most politically important person in the universe. (To be clear, Aang would never deliberately squish a wife like that, I just think the workload of being Avatar and last air nomad would cause that to happen)

A lot of my objections to this pairing are very adult objections. I don't know what I would have thought about this pairing when I was the age of the show's target audience. It undoubtedly would have bothered me less, although I probably would have been put off by how twee it is. As an adult, all I can see are babies playing house.

As for the comics, I hadn't made any concrete plans to read them. I don't know where I'd get access to them. I'm not sure how canonical they are. I guess I should probably decide whether or not I want to read them after I've finished the whole series. I've been told that my girl Jin appears in one of them, so I definitely have some interest. I have also had the Avatar Kyoshi novels strenuously recommended to me. But so much of Avatar's charm, to me, is in the medium. And while comics are closer to animation than books are, they're still static. Avatar does movement so well.

#ask #this got way too long #short short answer: they're too young #not much incompatible about their personalities #plenty incompatible about their responsibilities

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master-ray5 · 6 months

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My Response To “Why I love the Toxic Romance of Sailor Moon”

I came across this video online:

youtube

My short response: I disagree.

My long response: Buckle UP

It should be noted the video isn’t presenting the argument for just the 90s aspect of the Usagi x Mamoru relationship but is lumping Crystal and the Manga into the argument and insisting it's a toxic romance. The creator of this video breaks down their argument into pointing out three different aspects of the Usagi X Mamoru relationship:

The age gap and the power dynamic is causes

The lack of choice in the relationship

How Seiya offers Usagi choice

Let’s tackle all three of the points and see where the argument breaks down. First off the age gap…sigh…

The Age Gap

At this point I’m sick of even going into this aspect of the argument. Frankly over the years it comes off as far too personal for many individuals and they can’t separate these feelings when they enter into fiction. If you can’t get over the aspect Usagi is dating an older (4-5 years) man and are uncomfortable with the power dynamic this presents in a relationship then this isn’t the show for you.

Still, can people stop acting like it's a huge age gap? This isn’t like the age gap that comes like Bunny Drops (that series really took a turn later in the manga) so can we all stop acting like Mamoru is riding around in a van offering Usagi candy? Moving on…

The Lack of Choice in the Relationship

The video argues even if you look past the reincarnation element of the Mamoru x Usagi relationship, the introduction of Crystal Tokyo and them becoming King and Queen causes the relationship to become toxic. With this expectation to reach this status, the two are pressured to stay together whether they are ideal for each other or not. This lack of choice is described by the video as being toxic.

While the aspects of destiny are prevalent in Sailor Moon, it is important to distinguish the difference between fate and destiny. Fate are the events that will happen when someone doesn't take responsibility. Destiny is what can be achieved through growth and one's own actions. Usagi and Mamoru are shown to be willing to fight for their goals and each other. Usagi wants to be a bride. She wants to be Mamoru’s bride. Mamoru wants to have a family with Usagi so he never feels alone like he did when he was a kid (the movie Sailor Moon R: Promise of the Rose shows this in detail). They support and nurture each other and fight against the forces of evil in the process.

It should be noted despite knowing their destiny they still have moments where they need a reminder they need to keep fighting. Usagi has to be reminded at the end of Sailor Moon R to continue the fight. She is reminded of her need to step up by talking with Naru who has no idea she is Sailor Moon.

This doesn't just apply to Usagi. Mamoru, upon seeing Usagi with Haruka, feels jealous and is shown to be depressed by it. Only by working together on a project not related to fighting evil but something as simple as helping Chibi Usa with an assignment are they able to reconnect.

Also the future they are shown isn't terrible or apocalyptic. The two are shown to be happy, have achieved peace, and are still in love. Why wouldn't they work to achieve it?

The Illusion of Choice With Seiya

A recent argument I see a lot of Seiya x Usagi fans using is “Seiya offers Usagi choice. Something Mamoru never did.” While it can be argued Seiya is offering Usagi a choice, it is not necessarily a good choice. Look at the hard facts of Seiya’s mission: they are dedicated to Princess Kakyuu and planned on leaving the planet as soon as they found her. Under these aspects, the choices Seiya is offering are not in Usagi’s favor.

At best, Seiya is offering Usagi to leave the planet so they can be together, meaning Usagi would have to give up all her friends and family just so she could be together with Seiya. At worst, Seiya is asking Usagi to engage in a long distant relationship to be together. Considering how critical Seiya was about Usagi engaging in a long distance relationship with someone who was supposed to be on the same planet, the idea of even suggesting such a thing to Usagi makes Seiya a hypocrite.

In conclusion:

Here are a few examples of ACTUAL toxic relationships in anime:

Gundam Seed: When Fllay uses sex to keep Kira focused on fighting the enemy forces to exact her revenge.

Death Note: Light Yagami intentionally manipulates Misa’s feelings to use her as a tool to exact his plan for bringing his version of justice to the world.

Revolutionary Girl Utena: Akio romancing and bedding Utena for his own purposes while at the same time sexually abusing his sister Anthy.

Fruits Basket: Shigure slept with Ren (Akito's mother) as revenge for Akito sleeping with Kureno.

These are Toxic relationships where people are legitimately being hurt by being a part of it. Though the future Usagi and Mamoru witness is imposing, their interactions are actually supportive in nature. In summary, I don't agree with this video and continue to express that Usagi and Mamoru have a relationship others can and should ascribe to obtain.

#sailor moon #sailormoon #bishoujo senshi sailor moon #pretty guardian sailor moon #pretty soldier sailor moon #sailor moon fandom #mamoru x usagi #usagi x mamoru #usagi tsukino #mamoru chiba #usagi x seiya #seiya x usagi #kou seiya #Seiya Kou #chiba mamoru #tsukino usagi #Youtube

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loverofpiggies · 1 year

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Hey guys, I got something I’m ready to talk about under the cut. It’s super long! And it’s pretty serious, so feel free to scroll past. It’s also about some serious subject matter regarding transphobia, so if you’re not in a good place and ready to read about something like that, take care of yourself first and foremost. Okay?

Okay.

Hey guys, I’ve been doing a lot of self discovery these last few…. I guess technically my whole life, but I only got serious about focusing and working on it these last few years, and it has to do with my history of transphobia. I want to talk about my journey of growth, and what I’ve done to grow, and maybe it could help anyone else dealing with similar issues.

I was a pretty…. Hateful kid, to put it lightly. I was very angry, VERY angry, and obsessed over all this anger and hatred I had at everyone, but especially at myself. I’ve been in therapy as far back as I can remember, and more meds than I’d like to admit, trying to figure out what was ‘wrong’ with me. Which was a lot, by the way.

Anyway, around 2016, I got really serious about therapy. As a kid I didn’t take it seriously, but by 2016 I knew I needed help. I realized how my anger was ripping me apart, and how deeply it was rooted in hating myself. So, without therapy, and without the tools of therapy, I’d try to alter thoughts as they’d happen. I’d see someone dressed in a way I didn’t like? My thoughts immediately turned to hatred and judgementality. I taught myself to step back, and go, ‘hold on. You don’t know them. That’s a lot to assume about someone you’ve never talked to.’ and it helped curb a lot of my most angry and judgemental thoughts, at least, I thought so. In truth, all it did, was bury the issue, instead of addressing it.

Going into therapy seriously this time as an adult, I started unburying my own trauma, small bit by small bit. I started journaling a lot of it out, and my therapist put it best. Going to therapy is like trying to untangle a ball of paperclips. You might be like ‘ah, I just want to take this one paperclip out’ but it’s attached to so many other things you wouldn’t have guessed, and eventually you just. End up with the whole ball. You go to therapy for one ‘small’ thing, oops, you’re talking about this huge other thing that you never knew was related.

Also at this point, I was pretty serious about my spirituality. I was sick of being so angry and judgemental, I got deep into meditation and learning about compassion, because… well I lacked so much of it for so long. My favorite quote, that helped me grow the most, is “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete” by Jack Kornfield. Another one I adore, is, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” attributed to lots of people so I’m not actually sure who the original quoter is. If you watched a lot of my early streams, I was pretty obsessed with kindness and spirituality at that point! Half the time the streams turned into talks about that, lol. Sorry if that was a bit much, I was in a ‘place’ at that time.

After realizing how angry I was, and being so exhausted from it, I swung the opposite way pretty hard. I knew what it felt like to be angry and judgemental, and hurt people because of it. I’ve seen people I was very close to in my life, destroy relationships because of anger. And I was trying so hard to make up for it, to stop being so angry. I didn’t want to hurt people anymore, I didn’t want to hurt myself, and I wanted to be kind and understanding about perspectives I spent so long cutting off. And the therapy helped, a lot! I worked on a lot of deep issues, and my mind, more and more, started being less angry. I also got on meds, because we *finally* figured out what my issue was, and got me on the right medication. At least, once I got over my ‘I don’t need medication’ phase. Which was an absolute blessing.

I thought to myself, ah ha! Look at me, look at all this progress! I’m not angry or judgemental anymore. I’ve opened up so many doors, learned so many new things, I’m okay now, I don’t need any further help.’ With all the progress I had made, I really believed I didn’t need anymore work. The growth I made in just a couple years was astounding, and I wasn’t where I needed to be, but by this point I had the tools I needed to work on things myself. This was what I told myself anyway.

Also around this time, I was making my first close trans friends. And there was this weird, nasty feeling in my head, that I thought I had gotten past. These angry, judgemental thoughts cropped back up again, and they shocked me. I thought I was past this sort of anger, this judgementality. I didn’t want to look at it. I didn’t want to acknowledge it, or look deeper. I didn’t want to think that I could be so mean again, especially after all the work and growth I put in. So, I shoved it away, as hard as I could. I didn’t want to see it, and I didn’t want to think about it.

The problem with trying to shove angry, and judgemental, hateful thoughts away, is they don’t actually go away. They stay, and force themselves out in other ways. They come back as ‘jokes’ or ignorant angry comments. They come out subconsciously, as a defensive reaction. But… I didn’t want to acknowledge that I might be transphobic, or have transphobic thoughts. I didn’t want to be angry. So when I’d ‘joke’, or make a comment, I’d feel ashamed, and try to bury it deeper. And deeper. And it just made it worse. I also used my therapy as a defense mechanism too, without realizing it. “I’m fine now, I’ve gone to therapy, I don’t need any more work, I’m fine!” So. I buried it. I think there’s a pattern here.

After years of therapy, you’d think I’d realize what was going on. I was trying to bury this, the way I tried to bury all my anger for so many years. I knew from experience, that burying the issue does not work, and just makes it so much worse in the long run. But, I didn’t actually realize I was burying it. I was so deep in my own denial, that I couldn’t see it. Because there was a lot of deep shame there, too. I had so many amazing trans friends, and the experiences they had dealt with by this time, JUST for being trans, horrified me. I never, *ever* wanted to be a source of pain for them. But I’d still make comments, or ‘jokes’. Then, I’d feel horrible, crushing guilt, and try to force that bad side of me down even further.

By this point, a good majority of my friend group was either trans, or non binary. I loved them so much, and didn’t want to acknowledge my issues, or the fact that I had thoughts that could hurt them. Eventually, one of my trans friends approached me, and my god, I’m so lucky to have them in my life. But they approached me, telling me “I know you don’t mean to hurt anyone. I think… maybe it’s time to talk to your therapist about this.”

And… they were right. I spent so much time in denial, once they said this to me, it clicked. Yes, I do need to talk to someone. I can’t live like this anymore. If compassion is as important to me as I’ve always said, I need to work on any parts of me that still hold anger. But I was also so terrified, after spending so long trying to avoid it, now I was going to open up to someone? And say whatever my thoughts were out loud? What if I couldn’t be fixed? What if I was destined to be hateful and angry forever, no matter how hard I worked? I didn’t want to hear my own thoughts. I didn’t want to see this awful side of me, after spending so long trying to ‘defeat it’. I didn’t even know how dark it got, and my mind conjured all sorts of nasty ideas of how ‘bad’ of a person I was.

So. I walked into my therapist’s office, and said… out loud. “I think I’m transphobic. And I hate it.” I’ll leave a lot of details out, because it’s pretty personal, but I’ll go over the important things I discovered. After she let me speak for a bit, we turned to my gender identity. She asked me things in detail. I’m a cis woman, so I didn’t think I had any issues with my gender identity, so her questions confused me, but deeper than that, they scared me. There was still something inside of me that wanted to fight back, to protect me from whatever was coming. But I pushed forward.

As we pulled apart the paperclips, and started getting to the root of my true, deeper issue, I started to realize something. See, I’m pretty confident and comfortable in my skin. At least, I believed I was. I told myself, anyway. In a similar vein as I used ‘compassion’ to shove away parts of myself I hated, I used ‘confidence’ to shove away the insecure parts of myself as well. Which, I mean, couldn’t be a more false version of confidence OR compassion if you ask me.

I started to realize that I had a deep insecurity about my own femininity. A deep, crippling insecurity. See, my face and body are pretty androgynous. With long hair, I can look like a girl, but with short hair I can look pretty boyish. I don’t have much of a figure, or a chest, so I can be mistaken for a boy under lots of circumstances. That, combined with the fact that tight clothes are uncomfortable for me, meant overall I looked very unfeminine. And I was bullied a lot for it, growing up. Kids would call me a boy. In highschool, I was made fun of a lot, too. I’d be made fun of for not looking like a ‘girl’. This was only one factor of my bullying at the time, like I mentioned before. I had a lot of pretty severe behavior issues, so it sorta made me a prime target for bullying. I wanted to be viewed as a girl, as a woman. But because my looks didn’t fit enough into their ‘boxes’, I was made fun of. I was laughed at, and I can’t tell you how often people would say things like ‘are you SURE you’re a girl down there?’.

And this was the smoking gun. I finally had the realization I needed. This is hard to write, but. Because I didn’t fit in the mold of what my peers thought a woman was, I felt guilt, and I felt shame. And I shoved it away. And realized… subconsciously, I was doing what was done to me, to my trans friends. To the trans community. And it hurt. It hurt so much, to realize what I was doing. But now it also made so much sense. The guilt, the trying to ‘play it off’, the avoidance, the burying. It was so painful to grow up with those comments, that my mind was trying to shove away and hide me from realizing I was continuing the cycle of pain.

Not only that, but in therapy I learned something else. I’m still working through this, but. I realized as well I have dysphoria, and some mild dysmorphia. The fact that I was perceived so differently then I felt about myself in my adolescence, followed me deeply into adulthood.

I realized that when I would have friends talk about dysmorphia, my defense mechanism would kick in, to avoid me thinking that I might have the same issue. In fact, all my defense mechanisms would kick in, to avoid me from reliving the bullying and the trauma.

And anyone who knows anything about therapy, knows how much this shit hurts. It hurts SO much to open up wounds you’ve tried to hide, to look in and see where the real issue lies. To realize that maybe you haven’t been as kind as you wanted, even if it wasn’t intentional.

But… after the tears, and the pain of reliving this, and ripping open all the doors I was trying to close, to shove away… there was relief. I finally knew what was wrong. And that I knew where to start working. How to start helping myself grow, and be better.

So many things clicked, and my issues with transphobia evaporated. Finally facing it, finally confronting it, and realizing the deeper sides of myself, took away all that power my anger was holding onto. I had to reteach myself that, ‘hey, thanks for trying to protect me, but I’m okay now. You don’t have to protect me anymore.’

I’m still working on my issues with my femininity. After realizing this, I went through my closet and got rid of everything that made me feel ‘unpretty’. I went thrift shopping, and found looser clothes that still made me feel like a girl. I’m slowly growing my hair out, to see if I’m happier with long hair, or happier with short. In truth, I’m rediscovering myself again. It’s easier to look in the mirror.

The defensive reactions went away. The ‘jokes’ disappeared, and I didn’t have to fight to bury anything anymore. And I could be the supportive friend I always deeply wanted to be. To push back at a society that doesn’t like people ever sitting outside specific ‘molds’. To help make a world be safer for anyone who doesn’t align with the mainstream idea of what being a person is. To what being a man, or a woman is. To being whatever a human is.

This has been very long. But. I wanted to go through the entire experience, every step, to show how I worked on myself. And how I grew, from this darker, angrier, unhappy version of myself. And that maybe it could help anyone else who’s had the same experience. I also wanted to go through all of this, to show the steps I’ve made. And to my trans and nonbinary friends? To all the people in the trans community that I may have hurt in the past? I’m sorry. Genuinely, and truly. I never wanted to be another source of pain, especially to trans people, who already experience so much discrimination.

This was a painful experience to go through, but one I definitely needed. I’m still journaling, working on my issues and working on becoming a happier me. I had to take my time to discover myself, and wanted to open up about my journey to yall. I was finally ready to talk about this.

Anyway. I hope you have a beautiful day, and I hope every day is happier than the last. Cheers yall.

#tw: transphobia #transphobia #cqchat #important #therapy #self discovery #keep it real you guys

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mxmorel · 4 months

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on messy redemption arcs (specifically todd brotzman's) and why i think they're a good thing

sharing the following thing i wrote in the dghda server re: todd's character growth in s2 upon the request of another server member!

for context, this is regarding a conversation that sprung up in the dghda server about some people viewing Todd as manipulative/uncaring towards Dirk, vs other people who saw his arc in s2 through a different lens. to be clear, despite various disagreements, the conversation was positive and everyone was respectful which was really nice, considering how bad discourse can get sometimes. but anyway i came in late to the conversation and this was my contribution - clearly, i fall in camp 2:

[About Todd's ups and downs in S2:] growth isn't linear and people can take steps forward and then fall back, but what matters ultimately to me is that they keep trying to take those steps forward even when they make mistakes and I think Todd does do that.

He's spent so much of his life in a prison of his own making, lying to everyone and digging a hole so deep he didn't think he could ever get out of it. And I think he did always care about Amanda at the very least but he did this HUGE fuckup and covering that up led to this avalanche of horrible decisions and now he has to own up to his shit and learn how to care about people again without hiding from his actions.

He definitely gets tunnel vision about Amanda, and I think that makes sense. He’s so desperate to “fix” things and a big part of his story in season 2 is learning that, like Amanda said, some things you can’t just FIX. Sometimes you just have to pick up the pieces you have left and do your best to make something good with them.

Additionally [in regards to previous comments made about Todd ignoring/not caring about the trauma Dirk suffered in his second bout in Blackwing], he doesn’t know the extent of what happened in Blacking, not yet. And he’s taken several steps back by centering all his focus on finding Dirk - Dirk who has always seemed so optimistic and enthusiastic - to “fix” things (because he hasn’t learned his lesson about fixing things yet). And he doesn’t know how to reconcile the Dirk he knew before with the things that this new stint in Blackwing has changed about Dirk.

I don’t think Todd is malicious or not caring about Dirk - I think he has done so much self isolation over the years that he is unused to knowing how to identify what’s going on with other people/doesn’t know how to handle things. He does try to uplift Dirk, even if he doesn’t always do it in the right way, but that doesn’t make him cruel or manipulative. It makes him a human person who is also struggling to learn how to exist in community with others.

I think there’s also something to be said for the black and white ways we can view fictional characters who react to situations in ways that create defensiveness in us based on our own experiences/our own traumas. I think processing that through fiction is such a powerful tool but it can also put blinders on us and view some characters as wholly good “perfect cinnamon rolls” and other characters as “horrible manipulators”, when really, both types of characters have strengths and flaws, and neither exists purely on one end of the spectrum or the other.

tl;dr redemption arcs can and should be messy sometimes because people are messy. none of these characters are inherently good or inherently bad and i think that's what makes them all such compelling characters.

#dghda meta #??#is this meta? i don't know i've never written meta before #i'm not one of the smart meta writing fandom members lmao i'm just a guy with a lot of feelings #i'm hobbs if he wasn't a cop #dghda #todd brotzman #dirk gently #this is missing some context of specific posts from other server members that i was referring to / addressing but i made some edits for tha

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reviewdiaries · 9 months

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Nancy x Ace and the riddle of knowledge in 4x11

The sweet smell of being right on the money, I love it. You know what else I love? The development in this episode. Because things in Horseshoe Bay have gone from suspicious AF to completely demented, and I am HERE FOR IT.

We finally have confirmation for why things have felt so off these last few episodes. And we’ve started to explore the jenga puzzle, if I remove this one thing - vanished as though it never existed - what else falls down? What other relationships and feelings change? Can they be pieced back together again?

Let’s start with my boy Ace, because I personally am really enjoying his storyline. Do I completely get where the frustration lies for those who would have liked to see more pining and curse breaking and TENSION? Absolutely. I too would have loved that, because Ace and Nancy serve up delicious tension for breakfast, and it’s a treat to watch it. But I’m also genuinely enjoying seeing what we’ve got, because it’s all about growth.

Ace has been given time and space this series to find himself and flourish. He’s fought through heartbreak, and yes, that heartbreak has been distorted, we know that now. Can feel the chiming sense of wrong wrong wrong, how his feelings towards Nancy have shifted, vanishing like smoke in the air. Memories and feelings erased until there’s nothing left but the bare bones of a friendship and an aching sense of something gone - reaching for his phone in the middle of the night before realising he has no idea why. Because suddenly he’s left with the sense of a relationship that stalled before it could start, an idle heartbreak, the feeling of throwing himself into work, into the next mystery, the next person who shows an interest. A tension under his skin that he can’t ever explain. But he’s found a job that he loves, he’s carving out his own space, learning where to prioritise, where the important parts of him lie, where they join together, and how to take up his own space in the world.

His sense of self worth is still battered, his issues with his parents rampant, but he’s starting to hold his ground, mark his own boundaries, find an inner steel we’ve not yet seen in him. He’s always been so quick to please, to try and do what others have wanted, and this episode we’re finally seeing him stand his ground.

We haven’t ever seen his parents come into his space before, and we get that not once but three times in this episode. We see the tension and friction between him and his father (which we haven’t seen much of but was alluded to greatly in the first couple of seasons) and we see how his mother tries desperately to keep the peace whilst supporting her son.

GIF Credit @goodobservationshirley

I love this moment. Because Rebbeca is right. The Claw is absolutely Ace’s house, and that means that she and his father are coming to him to lead, they are stepping into his space and they are going to treat it as his, can acknowledge that it’s his, which is such a huge thing. Sure his dad is dismissive and thinks it’s going to go terribly, but that line is drawn. This is Ace’s space, and that means he is the head of the house.

As he becomes more preoccupied with his ghost he becomes less passive with his father. He stands up for himself, he refuses to be cowed by the disappointment, the expected failure. He does this on his terms. And yeah, he stumbles at the start, but he doesn’t let that phase him, he carries on, he leads. He steps into his own and it is such a joy to see. By the end of the episode we have that beautiful moment where his dad comes to tell him how well he did. And moments like this? They’re everything. The growth, the evolution of their relationship. The way they start to meet each other as equals instead of Ace cowering before his dad, it’s amazing to watch.

And then the confrontation with Nancy. Oh guys, they needed this. Sure, it’s about the ghost, not about them. How can they get this argument out when they don’t even remember their feelings for each other? But this is the first time that Ace asserts himself. Stop. I do not consent to what you’ve done. Stop. He never stands up to Nancy. Never holds space for himself, for his needs. The closest we’ve seen him come is 4x02 when he’s desperately pushing for her to tell him what he’s missing. But even then he doesn’t come out and say it, he doesn’t communicate effectively, doesn’t express himself. He acts the part of the spurned wife, veiling everything behind passive aggressive snark and stone wall silence.

This is everything. This is beautiful. This is communication. Expressing what he needs, what he wants, and refusing to back down. This is everything that they have been missing. I’ve said it over and over and over this season, so much of their problem has been their inability or willingness to communicate openly with each other. And here, laying down the groundwork, is the first step. The first flag Ace is planting. A map of muscle memory for the next time he needs to hold his head high and say stop, no, this is not what I want.

But as he starts to find those boundaries, Nancy is finding her sense of self eroded. She is floundering, desperate, panicked by the timeline she’s been thrust into, desperate now she knows there are too smooth edges where her memories have been stitched together. Suddenly she doesn’t know herself, doesn’t trust herself. What is her and what is what’s left behind when it’s been taken - the trip on the pavement versus the assault? What would she do, what could she possibly have deemed so bad it had to be removed? Because this Nancy, the Nancy with the pieces removed, she doesn’t have the framework of her love for Ace, the undying certainty that she would do anything for the man she loves, even tear herself to pieces with her bare hands and a handful of words whispered in the dark. She only has an aching sense of loss and a hundred shifting pieces she can no longer make sense of.

So she goes back to the basics. Back to the handful of things she can hold onto, the facts of the case. Over and over and over as she spirals into panic and fear and the desperate certainty that she is broken beyond repair, irredeemable, lost and alone.

She knows the date. She knows the time. She knows the call log on her phone. The memories are gone but the facts are there. A handful of truths to hold onto and whisper to herself in the dark. We have seen Nancy at her best and at her worst. But even at her worst - lost in the depths of the Hudson name and sure that she can only be the worst version of herself, she knew her mind. Trusted her memories. Could hold onto the pieces of her that she knew to be true. But this, this is a violation that she knows is self inflicted. A scalpel precise removal of pieces of her she doesn’t even know to miss.

We now have a definitive timeline - Ace called Nancy after the boat trip, after the memorial, her hair still wet from washing buttercream icing out. There’s around twenty minutes between that and her going to call on the Sin Eater. And Nancy, because she’s shaken, she’s been given proof that she’s done something she can’t imagine ever doing, no longer trusts herself, no longer trusts what she’d do, what terrible atrocities she could commit. She goes to Ace and tells him that she thinks they are responsible for the Jane Doe.

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti

But that doesn’t track, that doesn’t make sense. The Nancy we know and love would never try and erase a murder, cover up something terrible. She’d face it head on, hold herself to the same truth and justice ideal that she holds everyone to, because as far as she’s concerned she’s not special, she’s not above this. If she did something wrong she’d take herself to the police station and confess.

So that’s not it.

But Nancy would also do absolutely anything for those she loves. Not murder, not hiding something like that. But she would absolutely run to the Yacht Club to erase something to save someone she loves, someone like Ace. It’s something time critical, otherwise why would she go there so quickly. She’s desperate. But it’s not something illegal, no for that she’d call Carson, get a lawyer involved, get it sorted out the right way. She’s not always stayed on the right side of the law - too many opportunities to show up the police when they can’t do their jobs, use her lockpicks, her sleuthing beanie. But if it was something illegal, something bad, something murderous, there is no way she’d erase it, she’d work on building the strongest defence possible, but she wouldn’t undo it.

I don’t believe it’s that they accidentally triggered the curse either. We’ve seen before, the Sin Eater erases the memory, it can’t undo the damage. If the curse were triggered, if Ace were doomed to die, the Sin Eater wouldn’t be able to do a thing to stop it.

So what does that leave? I genuinely have no clue. There are some great theories floating around about that night, about the Captain of the ship mysteriously cancelling, about the curse that Ace drops overboard. Something about that is off. And we can no longer trust what we’re being shown as viewers. Is what we see the truth? Or is it the altered version after the Sin Eater has removed it from the characters’ collective consciousness? Did Ace and his dad have a lovely bonding fishing trip or did something else happen? Did Nancy and Ace actually have that conversation as we saw it? Clearly not. But what have we had erased? What parts are missing? What jigsaw pieces are we going to be gifted to fill in to make the picture make sense?

My two cents, for what they’re worth - I don’t believe the ghost and the Jane Doe are the same. I think these are two things thrown together to make us think they’re the same. If the Captain theory holds true I’m willing to bet that they’re the burned corpse. But I think the ghost is the figurehead from The Governance.

The Governance was stormed away from its original course thanks to the Aglaeca - thanks founders and your truly terrible treatment of women. Like I was in a storm.

They then ripped the boat to pieces and left the figurehead as a protector of the Black Door, literally in the basement. The sky is gone.

The figurehead that has watched over as they tried over and over to merge the Sin Eater with the stolen children. There’s only one left.

She’s ethereal, not wearing the clothes she died in, but a white robe - like an angel, like a woman in white, like a being of magic. And Nancy Drew have been at great pains to point out throughout that there is a balance. Plugonia - plural, one doll for evil, one for light. What if the figurehead is not just a watcher, but part of the literal balance of the Sin Eater?

Now, @flythesail has done a truly excellent post exploring this theory which makes me feel much less like I’m going crazy connecting dots that aren’t there, and I highly recommend checking it out, because she does a fab job exploring the ideas of reincarnation that the writers are bringing into play this season, and makes a very compelling argument for this.

And once you start putting those pieces in, suddenly Nancy and Ace behaving as they are over the ghost and Tristan begins to make even more sense than memory erasure and heartbreak. And honestly, that’s not a sentence I ever thought I’d say.

But the thread has been found - how can you find a thread to pull when you don’t even know it’s missing waiting to be discovered? Against all the odds the photo, the timeline, it’s starting to emerge. And we know how Nancy gets once there’s a mystery. That desperate all consuming urge to uncover the truth, the light, the justice for a town steeped in darkness and secrets, for the people caught up in the web, for herself.

#nancy drew #nancy drew cw #nancy x ace #ace [redacted]#cw nancy drew #nace #nancy drew spoilers #nancy drew analysis #nancy drew meta #naceedit #nancy drew 4x11 #nancy drew 4.11 #the sinner's sacrifice #my two favourite idiots #i've connected the dots #well #some of them #maybe #if you squint

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harley-michaels-main · 2 years

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Just saw Thor Love and Thunder and I need to talk about it so read ahead at your own risk.

First of all, i love the fucking goats they are the star of the show.

Okay now onto the movie. I loved it. One of the funniest and most heart wretching films I had ever seen. The casting is always incredible with Taika films and they did another amazing job. I am so happy to see Natalie Portman return.

I will say that her Jane Foster with cancer was not a surprise seeing as though that is what happened in the comics. However I was surprised to see her death at the end of the film. I truly thought that it was going to follow the comics and have Jane become the new Thor and the og Thor would either die or step down. Her death did make me cry but it was nice to get a proper closure for Thor and Janes relationship and even finding out how they broke up in the first place.

Thor in the film was hilarious and I loved to see his growth as a character. To see his struggle with depression and PTSD and even take advice from Peter Quill who is someone we have learned he does not have the best relationship with. Him learning about the corrupt power system in what im guessing was Mount Olympus because i do not remember what it is actually called was incredible. Him learning that he was on his own and would ultimately have to face this fight alone was somewhat sad but seeing him literally rip one through Zeus was amazing.

Valkyrie my true king, I love you. She is the best character in this series and seeing her go one on one with Gor??? Incredible. I literally was about to cry because i thought she was dead but im glad she lived. Also when she kissed Zeus' maid on the hand i was dying because I wanted that to be me.

Korg had mw sobbing. This dude literally almost died and then ended up making a baby with a man named DWAYNE? Adorable. 10/10.

Also fucking Axel??? HEIMDALS SON??? YES PLEASE HE WAS ADORABLE!! Iloved his interactions with Thor and I see him playing a huge part in the future movies.

Christian fucking bale this man scared the fuck out of me. He is the creepiest MCU villain thus far. He does an amazing job portraying the same character with split personalities after being corrupted. His character was complex and really dug into religion as well for it being a marvel film. With it being a controversial topic right now I think that many will not take to it lightly. However his performance was incredible. Another masterpiece for him and another DC actor converted to marvel.

But seriously the ending threw me through a loop. With the way things were going in Eternity, I truly thought that Jane and Thor were going to raise his daughter together. But seeing Jane die in Thors arms like that? I was sobbing in the theatre.

The first post credit scene somewhat confirmed for me that thor was going to die soon. With Zeus still living and calling upon Hercules its kinda a given. Will Herc kill Thor? Most likely. Will Herc live? I doubt it. I think that they will end up either killing each other or Thors new niece will end his life.

The second post credit scene. This had the whole theatre gasping. Imagine it. Everyone is talking, sotting around, waiting to see if the lights turn on or if there's a second post credit scene. Then, the gold sparks appear on screen. Within a matter of two seconds, everyone was back in their seats and the theater was silent. We see Jane appear at the Gates of Val Halla. And who is there to greet her? Heimdal. Literally everyone gasped when seeing him. And sadly, after Jane had lost her battle with cancer, she was allowed into the great hall of gods, who have all lost their lives in their own battles.

Overall this was my favorite thor movie. I love Natalie Portman and Chris Hemsworth on screen together. They have great chemistry and work so well together. Im happy she was able to get a proper farewell for the franchise and got the proper treatment she deserved for her work. I cant wait to see what comes next when Thor returns.

#thor #thor love and thunder #thor love and thunder spoilers #thor spoilers #chris hemsworth #natalie portman #tessa thompson #taika waititi #christian bale

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awek-s-archived · 11 months

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i am a bit curious as to why you dislike idle. i don't particularly love them myself but i'm curious as to your reasoning

ok thank u so much for asking first of all because i feel like a lot of people over the years have been curious about this and instead of asking me abt my reasoning regarding anything to do w idle they kind of default to anon hate, so. DKLFGJKLDF

im gonna give background, i followed y/uqi predebut, since that video came out of her as a young trainee moving from china to korea and being a part of a series where trainees go up to strangers in the streets and ask them to listen to them sing to gauge some of the public reaction to them if they debut. she sang in front of this one particular girl who used to be a trainee herself but couldn't live with the pressure and kind of yearned for that dream still, i guess? anyway, she gave y/uqi a lot of advice that i feel really helped ground her and to this day i think she's actually the only or at the very least the most grounded member of idle. and the only one i actually have nothing against and would love to see thrive, because i sincerely think she would and i'll come on to that later.

the tldr version is that i don't agree with the rampant racism and cultural appropriation that they engage in from music videos to general looks to sounds and beats in their actual songs. it's a lot. i know kpop groups in general are very guilty of this and sometimes, not very often, when you tell them it's wrong they apologise and stop doing it. but idle fall under the same category as suju and m/amamoo in that they literally don't care that they're doing it, because they have seen and i believe apologised about it then continued to do the same thing. but my issue with them as a group wasn't ever really directed at specific members until miss s/oyeon's international fuck-up where she said she wants to make 'ethnic hip' music as basically her excuse of why she appropriates cultures.

i paid a lot more attention to their group behaviour after that and there was a time of hiatus where y/uqi and m/innie in particular were very chill and doing their own thing where they were extremely different from how they were when s/oyeon ruled over them. y/uqi went back to being the grounded, friendly, chaotic and generally nice person she was before with no issues or controversies and m/innie did also. i don't really care about the other two so i can't comment on them extensively but these two i paid attention to because i know i liked them from before. but miss s/oyeon?? well, she carried on the group controversies all on her own, lmao. more racism and cultural appropriation but this time she also blatantly plagiarised another producer's songs and released them, lied about asking for permission to recreate the song DOWN TO A T (the song is wave by a/teez btw). basically she admitted to stealing it without using so many words but continued to promote it and didn't give the credit that was due for her plagiarism. i think this was one of 3 (?) plagiarism accusations in the space of a few months. so she's very big on growth as an artist and thinks of herself as a big producer but ultimately all she does is steal the songs from smaller artists and smaller producers and pass it off as her own. obviously as a creative myself, i'm not ok with this and i think she's a poor excuse of an artist to do it. she doesn't deserve the title.

in the last couple of comebacks, she profited off m/arilyn m/onroe's death and image, which is disgusting to me. i don't care what excuse her fans think up to make it ok -- especially when this came out at the same time as 2 documentary series about m/arilyn and she was a huge subject of discussion globally again. so it was evidently a ploy for cash and probably a good stepping stone to s/oyeon trying to make ~empowering music~ for women. sadly all she's doing, if her lyrics are anything to go by, is promoting the exact stereotype of women that everybody else is trying to fight against. she's saying, it's ok for women to love themselves but creepy for them to engage in sex or for men to be physically attracted to them because that makes them perverts (nxde lyrics allude to this VERY heavily).

i also personally don't like the attempted profiting off lgbt fans with 'oh my god', which people made theories about BEFORE she publicly came out as saying that it represents love in all forms, and kept alluding to it AFTER to give fans something to talk about despite officially saying she doesn't want to limit it to homosexuality -- so, how was it a song for the gays then? it wasn't. she was going with the fan theory to get talked about. it's not a bad marketing strategy but it is vile from an actual gay person's point of view, and the fact that she backtracked officially to say it's not ABOUT anything specific while feeding into the ~ally~ delusions privately is disgusting to me, personally. and i'd get if it was taboo to the point of it being career-ending, but there are plenty of other kpop groups who have explicitly stated their videos or songs or dramas, or ANYTHING, are strictly in representation of lgbt love both before and after oh my god -- o/nlyoneof in particular.

more recently of course, the attempted dissing of rookie groups, however light -- those are children. you're a grown woman. if you want to write a disstrack, don't do it about people who are a decade your juniors, OR a decade your seniors. she dissed h/yuna and h/yojong in a song and then sent h/yuna a signed album this comeback. weird to me, even if there are no hard feelings. it's not about the action so much as the attitude with which she keeps doing those things. this is where my newfound m/innie dislike comes in too, because she recently PUBLICLY dissed i/ve for winning an award against idle despite the fact that idle had already won a similar award something like the day before or a few days before. but i think i'll get over it because i genuinely don't believe that that's her actual attitude, i think 100% it's s/oyeon's influence.

and my reasoning for THAT is y/uqi's recent interview, where she said she and s/oyeon don't get along virtually at all, and fight all the time. she (y/uqi) finds it funny and thinks it's a sign of being close and honest, which it can be -- but that's not a healthy relationship, period. if you can't talk to someone without arguing, you don't get along ever.. that's not a friendship. but it does in a sense bring me comfort because i hate the type of person s/oyeon is and the fact that y/uqi argues with her so much tells me that she's the polar opposite. furthermore y/uqi also mentioned wanting to be the leader in situations, and that just tells me everything i need to know re: how much they actually agree with s/oyeon's creative decisions for them as a group and perhaps as individuals too, since she's currently cube's favourite and has significantly more pull than anybody else at that company.

i know you asked about idle full group dislike but it does all come down to s/oyeon in the end, because i think all of this controversy and all this behaviour could've been avoided if somebody knocked her down a peg. but i think everything she does is shallow and performative at best, she's not a hard worker like everybody thinks she is, but she does see herself as a martyr in all aspects and i guess tries to capitalise off it. which ok, that's her business, but i think it's gross and unfair to drag the other girls down with her. nevertheless all her choices (that she's proud of, too, let's not forget) up to now have made the group as controversial as it is now and is why i dislike it so actively as a unit, even aside from the other individual members.

#wow this is mad long im sorry #asks

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thrashkink-coven · 1 month

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Lord Hermes says not to brag about the results until the work is done, so I won’t say too much about our experience together, but I do want to thank him for his advice and openness with me last night. We haven’t fully established a working relationship just yet, but he did make an appearance in my work, on my altar during a conversation with Lord Lucifer last night.

These next few months will bring lots of change and new opportunities, my main goal in our work together is to harness my energy into doing and experiencing new things, places, and parts of myself. I want to get involved with the social justice movements happening in my community. I feel a responsibility to do my part in improving not only myself, but my community. I need to involve myself in mutual aid and charity, I now know that this is an important part of my life that I’ve been missing. Things are just too bad outside right now to stay inside and do nothing. I need to be the change I want to see in the world, it’s not debatable anymore. That’s what Hermes helped me out with last night, accepting that I need to change for the betterment of everyone around me. As much as Hermes is highly involved with travel and commerce, he’s also the God of change and communication. Using my words and my beliefs to make a positive change in other people’s situations. Finding the right words to express the truth. He told me that I am already blessed with the art of language (thanks Jophiel) and my way of thinking and choice of words is much needed in activism.

I want to learn new things and see new people- help new people as well as myself. Hermes says that this will be a slow but rewarding process. It will take a lot of commitment and dedication to learning and unlearning. It will take a lot of discomfort and awkwardness. Mistakes will be made. He said that I must decide what my philosophy is and stay absolutely true to it through judgement and adversity. This is a work that must be done, not for credit or fame but for the empowerment of myself and my people.

As much as I adore Hermes, my relationship with him last night felt a lot more relaxed. I didn’t get those butterflies or anything like that, and I think that’s because he was being more serious. He lightened up at times, but when we started talking about my goals and plans for the future, he really locked in. It verified to me how incredibly wise he is. He’s so funny and relaxed because he’s so damn smart. He asked me multiple times if I was really ready for this next step, not in a doubtful way, just in a way that made it clear that he was serious about working with me, which was actually really nice. He expressed that “there is no right time to decide to change, you simply must” and that it would be my own anxieties that prevent me from reaching my max potential. Lucifer said something very similar before he introduced Hermes into the space. I do feel ready, although I know that I need to take this slow. My problem is that I rush into things at 100%, and quickly burn out. This is going to take a lot of time and slow growth, slow building of skills and intellect, Hermes made it very clear that we are in this for the long haul.

He also congratulated me on my relationship with Lady Aphrodite and Lucifer. When I first approached Hermes, he rejected me, the main reason being that I still had SO much development to go through with Lucifer and Venus. He called me a whore lol, saying that until I fully give my heart to my relationship with Lucifer, he would never work with me. He was absolutely right, and I’m happy that he made me aware of that, because I truly am a different, wiser person than I was the first time I approached him. I had planned to approach Hermes during the huge solar eclipse on April 8th, but last night Lucifer ushered him in, saying that I was ready now. I basically said “I want to but I don’t want to delude myself by getting my hopes up if he’s not interested in me yet”, and Lucifer was like “well, he’s here so buckle up” LMAO

Hermes also reminded me very heavily to communicate with and create a relationship with Lady Hecate, saying that my relationships with Cerberus and Faviel should have already lead me to her by now. Which, they have subtly been nudging me her way, I just haven’t found the right words and offerings to give to her. I believe I may have introduced myself to one of her archetypes with Cerberus, but Im yet to approach her in a working relationship. Hermes understood this and called it wise, but advised me not to wait too long. I think the lunar eclipse will be a great opportunity to finally give her the recognition she deserves. He told me that his work with me would make me a master of alchemy and elemental theory, he would teach me the refined art of spell craft. But Hekate is the master of energetic direction, while Hermes can help me be well studied, Lady Hecate can help me use those studies practically and see the results of my work truly manifest in a powerful and influential way.

Anyways, sorry for the yap fest. I thought that as soon as the candles went out I would create a chaotic and excited post like HERMES FINALLY NOTICED ME AAAA!!! But since giving it some time and sleeping on it, I feel a lot less !!!!!!!!!!!!!! about it. Don’t get me wrong I am SO excited, but I’m more so appreciative. This isn’t going to just be my winged footed bff, he has a lot of hard work and studying for me to consume myself with. I’m lucky to have been in his presence and I am infinitely thankful to him for his help.

Ave Lord Hermes! Thank you!

#witchcraft #magick #occultism #pagan #demonology #paganism #witch community #witch aesthetic #witchblr #grimoire #hermes deity #lucifer devotee #lucifer deity #deity work #deity witchcraft #deity worship

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altraviolet · 1 year

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Okay so I gotta know since I just spent the last few days devouring your fic. Where did the idea of Echo Garden come from? Like why tfp Soundwave and idw Rodimus specifically? Like I'm not complaining. Far from if lolll but I Am burning w/ curiosity

hi katecake!

Where did the idea of Echo Garden come from?

Hmm... hard to say it stems from any single specific thing. I wanted to do a TFP SW/MTMTE Rodimus fic and I knew the most logical way to structure it would be to have the LL jump into the TFP universe and for Rodimus to rescue SW from the shadow zone. I had to figure out how to change TFP SW from his canon self to a being that would befriend others and grow to care about his surroundings. And... I can't say I was super inspired by anything in particular. I guess his character arc is kind of like Cyclonus's- Cyclonus even warns him early in the fic that he needs to change in order to survive. Umm... yeah, idk :'D Everything about the story feels logical to me, like we're going on little stepping stones for the story to progress, and that's happening because I've thought about this story Extremely Way Too Much For Years.

The crystal aspect stems from the fact that Soundwave would never jump from emotionless to liking Rodimus. He needed his own character growth, something to be centered around, so he could be an active character and change himself. I was talking to a friend about how SW needed a hobby or something because I didn't want the story to just be centered around the romance - I truly want it to be the story of SW on the LL - and she said crystals were a theme in my writing so why not that? And I said ok, cool. And in thinking about how SW and crystals could relate, I thought of "the meaning of SW" thing.

Like why tfp Soundwave and idw Rodimus specifically?

I'm gonna steal my answer from a time I've been asked this previously:

I've been writing fanfic for a REALLY long time, and all throughout it, I'd never had an OTP. I wrote strictly genfic and felt like part of my brain was missing because everyone around me had pairings and OTPs and absolutely loved them, and I was like "but why. Why tho. Why?" 2015 rolls around, I get exposed to MTMTE, and it's very good, and I feel that dreadful pull in my veins that says you're gonna create shit for this. You're gonna be in this fandom. And sure enough, OTPs everywhere ×D So! I decided to Make A List of Ridiculous OTPs that 1) made fun of the idea overall, 2) made fun of me for not understanding it. I paired a bunch of characters that had no business being together [I'm trying to jam as many of them into "The Echo Garden" as possible. There's the main pairing, Nautica/Blaster, a hint of Bluestreak/Hot Spot, and of course, Mirage/Skywarp]. I paired some of them based on colors, others on outlier abilities, and others just Because It Didn't Make Sense (And I Think That's Funny). I forget exactly why I wrote a Mirage/Skywarp fic, but at some point I did a pwp of them, and to my utter surprise, people wanted to know why they got together. Well! I had no idea. I thought I was Doing OTPs Right, but apparently they needed backstories. So, I did a huge fucking longass fic of why Mirage and Skywarp were together and it broke me. Transformers finally fucking got me. I fell in love with the characters, and with their love for each other, and for the first time I had an OTP! ;A;

When I finished that Mirage/Skywarp fic, and after the comics ended, I actually had a canon way for TFP SW and MTMTE Rodimus to meet [canon compliance is something I'm personally into - as much as possible - for long fics]. I didn't feel like I was ready for such a complicated idea, but I had finished a longass fic, so I was as ready as I was ever gonna be. I posted it with MUCH nervousness and fully expected it to be read by 2 people. I was really shocked by the reception ×D And incredibly grateful for it. I'm not sure if I could make it through the past few years and write this fic without the comments <3 tl;dr I paired them cuz they're pretty and then canon said it could feasibly happen and Transformers broke me so I cared about them.

Thank you for your kind comments and for the ask =)

#echo garden related #ask #katecake #long post

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halfagone · 1 year

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...I have such complicated feelings about the Anger Management ship. This isn't to say that I don't like the ship (I do, I actually adore it) but I happen to be very nit-picky about the execution and dynamics that I'm always super hesitant to read new fics with these two as the main pairing.

(If you plan on reblogging this, please do not put the crossover fandoms or the ship name in the tags. This is a rambling essay, not a purposefully antagonistic vent about other people's writing style or preferences. I KNOW not everyone likes or dislikes the same things that I do, and just as they are due their own opinion, so am I.)

To be completely transparent, I don't think Jazz would like Red Hood. Oh, I think she'd absolutely adore Jason, but I don't think she would like Red Hood. I honestly believe that if she found out Jason was Red Hood sometime later into their relationship, she would want to take a step back and think things through. This isn't to say that she would break up with him because of it, or hate him suddenly now that the truth is out, but it's one thing to find out your boyfriend is secretly an anti-hero vigilante, and it's another thing to find out your boyfriend is secretly a crime-lord who beheaded EIGHT PEOPLE and stuffed their severed heads into DUFFEL BAGS to send a message to Batman. It's one thing to find out your boyfriend doesn't get along with his family, and it's a whole other thing to learn your boyfriend beat his adopted brother brutally and PAINTED THE WALLS WITH HIS BLOOD without ever meeting him first and based on information he hadn't even found out firsthand but was given to him by a woman that was purposefully stoking the flames of his anger and hatred to make things easier for her son.

She knows Jason a little more personally now, so she's aware of the layers to his character and history so she has a better understanding of what his motivations might/could be, but that doesn't lessen how HUGE of a shift in perspective this could be for her. It'd be worse if Jason hasn't expressed any regret for what he did to Tim, especially considering Red Hood supposedly protects kids but went along and beat Tim so viciously anyways. You can't even use the excuse that Tim is a 'child soldier', when Jason is just as willing and ready to use that same excuse when he gripes about how terribly Bruce treated him or Bruce's supposed lack of grief and regret over losing Jason. It doesn't mean what he went through was any less terrible, but it does make him a hypocrite.

I feel like they would have to steadily overcome this obstacle, and I do honestly believe that Jazz would implore him to get therapy to help him, and if he didn't agree, she would be seriously concerned about their relationship. Seeing as Jason has also inherited Bruce's miscommunication (or general lack of communication) and poor coping mechanisms.

Of course a lot of this could be outright avoided or fixed in the background, but I don't find that it happens a lot? Or, if it does, it's never properly explained? I can understand if it's a short fic and all that background plot points can't be properly addressed in the short amount of time, but when it's a longer fic I always feel like it's a missed opportunity NOT to have and/or show more growth in Jason as he learns what a civilian relationship (hell, a healthy relationship in general) is actually LIKE after losing so much of his life to his need for revenge.

Which kind of leads up to my next point... I'm very nit-picky when Jazz is shown to be super BAMF and always ready to throw down. Jazz has always been badass to me, but I always felt like her type of strength always relied more on her intelligence, sharp wit, and most of all her compassion. She's a good shot, and she's always willing to step in physically if she feels like it's necessary, but violence has never been her first choice. She wants to be a psychologist/psychiatrist - for her to constantly be willing to roll up her sleeves and punch someone out is not conductive to a working and trusting relationship between a doctor and their patient. Or between most people, in general.

(Another thing! I feel like Jazz would believe that people deserve second chances. While she might agree that someone like the Joker might be beyond saving (something she might agree to with great hesitancy and reluctance), she wants to believe so badly that people can change for the better. This could be caused and/or linked to her childhood, and how her parents never spent time on her and Danny but she was desperate to fix their family. Which could be the reason she got into psychology in the first place. For her to admit that some people can never change, would be like Jazz admitting that she wasted the early formative years of life trying to fix a broken home all for nothing. This, however, would cause more contention between her and the Red Hood. Can you tell I don't think they'd get along?)

However, this sort of personality and behavior is very reminiscent of someone else. That person of course being Danny himself. Danny is the one that's often throwing himself into fights and roughing it up before thinking twice. When he grows up, he might learn to rein it back in and think things through more, but I find it strange that the exact opposite it applied to Jazz's character when she has already succeeded with a balance of careful forethought and affirmative action. I like when there are differences between their characters, I like how they differentiate and balance each other out. I like how it shows their opposing thought processes and principles.

This does lead me to my next point... Liminal!Jazz is very hit and miss for me. Giving her ghostly qualities not only takes away some of the things that make her unique to Danny (it sucks too because I adore how Jazz is so sympathetic and tries so hard to understand what Danny is struggling through, it really shows how supportive Jazz is and has always tried her best to be). It particularly irks me when it's explained that this is caused by ectocontamination when Danny supposedly never had those same ectocontamination effects BEFORE his Accident? When he was similarly contaminated for all of his life as well. Technically speaking, their parents should be contaminated too in order to make the reasoning consistent. But most of all it... and I hate to say this, but I feel like it cheapens Danny's tragic death. Danny went through SO MUCH and suffered excruciating pain and now whenever he looks in the mirror he will never see the same human kid he'd once been, while Jazz didn't have to suffer the same thing or even CLOSE TO IT and still got those same physical characteristics. ESPECIALLY when the reasoning feels hollow. And even I hate how I can't get into the concept because I've seen the headcanon utilized in some pretty inventive ways! Nonetheless it still bothers me and I see it so much that I find that I have to outright avoid so many fics to get away from it. The premise of the fic itself might interest me but the concept bothers me THAT MUCH that I just can't.

And a lot of this is connected to how Jazz is so often characterized or shown in conjunction to Danny. De-Aged!Danny fics where Jazz takes care of him are really cute- god knows I love a good baby!Danny story- but I feel like these fic concepts don't give Jazz the opportunity to shine on her own. When I heard people complained about where Danny was in Elizabehta_Beilschmidt's Friendly neighborhood vigilante (and yes I know what her @ is, but I am PURPOSEFULLY not tagging her), I was honestly SHOCKED. I loved that Danny wasn't really around. That might sound harsh, but I came for a Jazz/Jason fic where these two were the main characters. And who we, naturally, should spend the most time with.

Most of all, Jazz's whole personality and life should not be based on babysitting/caring for her little brother. Especially in a lot of these fics when Danny is an adult of his own. Danny has been shown to take care of himself even at fourteen, if he's eighteen or even in his twenties, that shouldn't have suddenly changed. Jazz should not have been forced to take care of her younger sibling to begin with, for her to be forced or feel obligated to continue and spend more of her life unnecessarily worrying and fussing over her brother is not fair to her. I hate to separate them, but their lives take them in different directions and it's not healthy or fair for them to curb their wants and dreams to satisfy their desire (and perhaps even codependency) to stick together. It's both adorable and heartbreaking in kid!Danny fics to see how she continues to hold strong and try to do her best for him, but she already spent so much of her life doing that. Let her have time for herself and her interests and her cute boyfriend GODDAMMIT!

So yeah. I have Complicated TM feelings about Anger Management. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

#halfagone rambles #don't take this personally if you disagree #you do you my friend

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thunderheadfred · 10 months

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It’s my birthday so as a gift to myself I’m listing all my personal growth from the last few months

Lost 50+ pounds, well on my way to shedding 100+. Did this very simply with zero self-hatred or shame. Intermittent fasting and sugar elimination were pretty much the only requirements. Took time to adjust and a willingness to cook more, but that was the only struggle. In addition to the weight loss, my inflammatory and immune problems have been greatly improved. Chronic fatigue is still with me, but isn’t dictating every second of my day, and I hope CFS continues to diminish as I get healthier. Resources I used are now helping my dad reverse pre-diabetes, which is the cherry on top.

Went through perhaps the worst existential crisis of my entire life (and boy howdy, I’m well-rehearsed) and didn’t die. Didn’t die so hard I actually woke up from decades of numbness and changed my entire life almost overnight. This “instant” change was enabled by several years of work via intensive outpatient, group therapy, 1-on-1 therapy, medication, and deep interior work I’ve done on my neurochemistry and mental health. It feels like foundations were laid for me to finally take a huge forward step into hope and change. I finally let God back in, and have felt vulnerable, humbled, and vibrantly alive in a way I haven’t experienced since childhood.

Started re-exploring my own spiritual health, perhaps the most difficult and intense part of this transformation. Deeply personal, difficult to find words. No labels for it. See re-enrolling in college, below. Much to learn. Adjacent to this, have encouraged Catholic husband to join an inter-faith climate group, which he did. His parish church now looks likely to form their own climate support group in addition.

Re-enrolled in college for fall 2023. Built a 3-year interdisciplinary plan to graduate with a major in Dakota Language and American Indian studies, with minors in sustainable agriculture, art history, and art.

Became involved in local politics; I’ve personally met my senator and congressperson and thanked them for their work. They know me by name and I will continue to keep up with legislation on local and federal levels, vote in every election, and advocate for policies I believe in.

Started educating myself on the policies that have shaped our current situation. This is often overwhelming, and I remind myself constantly to do it in stages, to not burn myself out or get lost in anger and hopelessness. Nevertheless, it must be done. In particular, I’m finding Robert Reich’s free YouTube course invaluable for this, though it has made me cry several times. Labor movements are taking off across the country and this gives me immense hope that I’m far from the only one sharing in this experience. Millions of us are waking up to our own democratic power, and we can change things together, one step at a time.

Also started researching absolutely everything about reducing my personal carbon footprint, increasing self-sufficiency, and having at least some baseline readiness for disaster scenarios, a process that continues. Immediately stopped eating beef and pork (and most meat, actually), stopped purchasing things online and from big box stores (whenever feasible) and started walking to our local grocery co-op several times a week.

Encouraged husband to get involved in our HOA, a goal he’s had since we moved but was unable to make good on because of his work schedule (now blessedly changed) - we will soon be making a concentrated effort to meet all of our neighbors, initiate neighborhood gatherings, and encourage green initiatives in our immediate community.

Joined the local arm of 350.org. Have already done tabling and multiple advocacy campaigns. Husband is on the clean transportation team, focused on bringing electric school buses to schools. I’m on the food systems team, currently working on expanding our state’s farmer’s market SNAP program so more people have access to affordable local produce.

Expanded my patio garden to several raised planters full of herbs that I’ve been regularly using. A few things didn’t work out, but I’m learning what thrives in that location and have grown the most delicious tomatoes I’ve ever eaten, with basically zero effort. Working on a plan to build a small deer-proof Three Sisters food garden in our limited backyard space.

Started my basement cannabis grow tent, have two plants thriving and bringing me joy when I talk to them every day and tell them what lovely ladies they are.

Converted all our household power draw to sustainable wind (this took all of one phone call to our utility provider) and in a few days we will have meters installed on both our hot water tank and our air conditioner, so those are cycled during peak hours for even less energy consumption.

Started fishing together with one of my oldest childhood friends and my dad. Went from zero outdoors experience to learning how to hook minnows without flinching and hold a beautiful emerald-green bass in my hands. An amazing experience that will continue through the season.

#good job me #keep it up you sexy beast

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radioiaci · 6 days

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anonymous ⧐ Thank you so much for explaining! Fortunately, it'll be a Lucifer blog, so that's one step easier. For me, what attracted me to your blog was the openness for darker themes and not shying away from the real truth of why Alastor's in Hell. I want to focus on those heavy themes and more on character development (forwards and backwards, negative growth is still, uh, a development ahaha), and shipping isn't a goal in mind, just a conversation and exploration! It might be easier to tag you in a starter and then you can answer at your leisure🤍 I appreciate your warmth, I'll reach out again in a bit, thank you again OOC ASKS.

just know, my friend, that I'm putting every single lucifer blog in my MOUTH (in a good way). Alastor is an absolute menace to ship with and I'm a huge slut for a good slow burn under his aroace cannibal freak lens, but my favorite canon ones for him are radioapple, radiostatic, radiorose, and radiosnake. i be barkin for good interactions there BARK BARK but YES I really do like to explore Alastor's darker side and I emphasize a lot that he IS very much a villain character who 100% deserved his lot in Hell - even his Deal with Lilith is really mostly his own doing and while there are sympathetic aspects of him, bro REALLY DID just murder and cannibalize a bunch of innocent people for no reason (or, they were innocent in my Al's case, anyway - he did not have a moral code when selecting his victims, they were just acts of convenience). he's legitimately a terrible person which makes interactions with characters who sort of either try to make him better or try to make him WORSE both interesting to play with and explore. BUT YEAH FEEL FREE TO TAG I'm always down to interact whenever I'm able to <3 thanks for the questions!

#▶ after hours broadcast ▶#⨻ answers ⨻#anonymous #IM GOING TO SLEEB NOW #HERE I GO

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damnable-bell · 1 year

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Please, dear friend, write your Minho Manifesto (Minhonifesto)!

Bulb, you are an absolute gem. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about my number one boy (and thank you @shojojidais for encouragement, ilu Maryam).

This post got way out of hand. I'll put the basic text below, but the full version with detailed footnotes and an index of all the YouTube videos I linked is on Google Docs, if anyone would like to see it.

Sorry for my inevitable typos.

Now, without further ado...

Choi Minho: An Appreciation

Who is Choi Minho?

Choi Minho was born on December 9th, 1991. In May 2008, he debuted as a member of the boyband SHINee, meaning that Minho has been in our lives for almost 15 wonderful years now. His official position in SHINee is main rapper and visual (i.e., the face of the group), but these days he sings about as often as he raps. (His voice is especially lovely when he gets to sing in his natural range, which he almost never gets to do with SHINee, sob sob).

Minho originally hoped to become a soccer player, but his father, the soccer coach Choi Yun-kyum, denied him, saying he hoped Minho would pursue a less difficult career. Unfortunately for Coach Choi (but perhaps fortunately for us), Minho was just born too pretty to do something more normal. At age 14, he was scouted by SM Entertainment while visiting a ski resort with his family, and the rest is history.

Why I love him

He is a true genius of hard work

In spite of the fact that he more or less stumbled into being an idol, Minho has always given 100 percent of himself to SHINee—in fact, Minho always gives 100 percent of himself to everything, whether it’s singing, rapping, dancing, acting, speaking English, sports, or drag. He hasn’t always been good at everything he does, but part of what makes Minho such a special person is his endless capacity for growth.

(When will Goddess Choi Minjung return from war? It's been eight years...)

Here’s what he had to say about being criticized for his acting in To the Beautiful You (2012):

Even from my point of view, I more than deserved those criticisms. I struggled a lot in my first lead role in ‘To The Beautiful You,’ but looking back, it is because of that past that I have confidence now, so I definitely don’t consider it a taint on my history … Back then, I just stubbornly thought that I just have to do well. At a young age, I was in a leading role and I needed to lead the drama by paying attention to the people and situation around me, but I wasn’t able to. A lead isn’t someone who just acts well on his own, but leads the entire drama. I should have paid more attention to the other things, but I focused too much on myself, and it resulted in me just awkwardly standing out. But I learned a lot from that, and it was ‘medicine’ for me. To be honest, being criticized so much was a huge lesson for me. It’s a lie if I say that I am not scared of being criticized for doing badly. But I think it’s something that I should put up with. It’s only right to acknowledge what I’m lacking and correct it. Of course, everyone wants to do well from the start. But I don’t think I’m gifted that much so I need a lot of experience.

Similarly, on writing his own raps for SHINee:

At first I was very bad at it. But if I didn't do it then it would be detrimental to me as well as to the members so I thought that I should really try to do it properly. It's true that when you put in effort your skills change. I thought, there isn't anything that can’t be done if a person really tries…

What makes Minho’s growth doubly impressive to me is that he’s not a naturally confident person. On the contrary, he’s painfully self-aware and takes deeply failure to heart:

After filming Dream Team, on days I won I would be in a really good mood, and on days I lost I would keep thinking about it. It's the same as when I make a mistake on stage. When I mess up on one step on stage, I feel hateful towards myself. I grow angry. Wondering why I did that that during that step. I think it's because my competitiveness is so strong. But that doesn't mean I enjoy competing. Instead, if there is a competition I tend to avoid it. Because if one wins, the other loses. Because any person, no matter who it is, dislikes losing.

When Minho first debuted, most people immediately clocked him as the weakest member of SHINee—and he knew it. He couldn’t rap (his infamously terrible rap on “The SHINee World”—which he really wants you to know he did not write—is legendary both in the fandom and beyond), he couldn’t act, and while he was never the worst dancer in the group, he didn’t stand out much either.

It also didn’t help that SM saddled him with the part of the ‘cool, silent type,’ when his real personality is goofy, warm, and sentimental—not to mention teasing, nagging, nurturing, full of natural aegyo, and loud. Variety is usually a place where K-Pop ‘visuals’ get to prove their worth, but in SHINee’s early variety appearances, Minho was just sort of...there.

In his own words,

Looking back, I went through a slump during my early debut days. I first thought, “Why did I debut?” I couldn’t dance or sing, and I couldn’t say anything in variety shows. Before debut, I was good at talking and confident, but standing in front of the public as a celebrity isn’t an easy job. (161208 SHINee’s Choi Minho - Media Interview (3))

Now, it’s never made sense to me that anyone could praise SHINee’s live stages out of one side of their mouth and trash Minho’s performance skills out of the other—there’s just no room in their choreo for any member of the group to be lagging significantly behind the others.

These days, I would be shocked to find anyone who doesn’t see Minho as an integral part of SHINee. But it’s worth taking a minute to acknowledge what a dynamic, well-rounded performer he’s become in his own right. I was so happy when I saw other people calling Minho’s rap in “Atlantis” the best part of the song, 1) because IT FUCKING IS, and 2) it made me realize just how many great rap moments Minho has had going back years. The Story of Light alone is full of them (have you guys listened to “Retro” yet today?), but there are so many older favorites, too (it’s actually pissing me off that the previous video I linked doesn’t include Minho’s part in “One Minute Back,” so here it is).

Minho hasn’t just become a strong idol-rapper (he’s never going to be on the front cover of XXL Magazine or whatever, but that’s fine, because it’s not his job); he’s also grown into a strong vocalist, a damn good dancer, and an excellent variety idol and MC (he is seriously so funny, you guys). As an actor, he’s worked hard to earn genuine praise from audiences and critics while accepting relatively ‘risky’ parts (he played a delinquent in the indie drama Derailed—where he smoked! and swore! and got beaten up by Ma Dong-seok!—as well as a gay character in the drama Yumi’s Cells). He’s also an underrated lyricist, with more than 40 songwriting credits throughout SHINee’s discography.

Last but certainly not least, Minho has (flaming) charisma and stage presence for days, as well as an astonishing ability to ‘commit to the bit’ that’s elevated many a goofy SHINee performance (my current favorite example is this performance of “Girls Girls Girls” at SHINee World III in Seoul—notice how many of the comments mention that Minho was obviously feeling himself in that bathrobe!).

Since he finished his mandatory military service, Minho has been branching out with more of his own solo activities, including a radio show, Best Choice (again: he is so funny, you guys!), and a forthcoming solo album, Chase. He seems to have become comfortable in his own skin in a way that we should all hope to be in our early thirties. As a fan, I consider it a privilege to have watched him blossom into a better, more confident version of himself. He is a true genius of hard work, and I could not be more excited for his solo.

He has the biggest heart

I love Minho because Minho has so much love to give. He’s the kind of person who leaves notes telling his friends he loves them while they’re asleep. He once saved all the SHINee members’ names in his phone under “My Lovely ___.” He writes the longest dedications of anyone in the group. He’s thoughtful and dedicated and has a lot of feelings (though by his own admission, he tends to hide them, so that he can continue to give strength to others). He is, for lack of a better word, all ooey-gooey inside, with a sentimental streak a mile wide.

Minho always goes the extra mile to support the other members of SHINee. SHINee’s leader, Onew, once called him the group’s “heart aid”:

Whatever happens, he is by our side and calls out to us. Minho is really a person who becomes our strength in any situation … It’s not only with me, even with other members, he is our heart aid and is a very important existence to all of us (2014)

When the other members cry onstage, Minho is often the first to comfort them. Who could forget the iconic photo of Minho hugging an inconsolable Jonghyun to his bosom after SHINee’s first music show win for “Juliette,” or all the many times he comforted Jonghyun—always the crybaby of the group—onstage thereafter?

Here are just a few more examples of Minho showing his support for the other members of SHINee:

Hiding away his emergency money to buy a birthday present for Key, even though they hated each other at the time

Surprising Jonghyun on his birthday at Jonghyun’s radio show, Blue Night (150409)

Flying to Japan to attend the second day of Taemin’s Tokyo concert in 2018 (181125), then flying back to Korea to attend Key’s concert showcase the very next day (181126)

Surprising Jonghyun at Jonghyun’s X-Inspiration concert in 2016 (161204, or click through to “…and Minho” on this Omona post for all the cute fan accounts)

Surprising Jonghyun on the last day of Blue Night—and bringing lots of tissues, because he knew Jonghyun would cry (170402). (The part of this video everyone remembers is the part where Minho tells Jonghyun that he brought the softest box tissues “because Jonghyun-hyung’s skin is precious,” but really, every second of it just radiates compassion and care. We should all be so lucky to have a friend like Minho.).

Surprising Jonghyun at Jonghyun’s The Story concert—and bringing throat drops, because he knew Jonghyun’s throat might be sore. Look how happy and proud he was when they left!

Fuck it, here are two whole threads of Minho showing up for Jonghyun’s concerts. Don’t miss the one where he’s showing Jonghyun off to the camera like a work of art.

While he was in the military, he sent food trucks to Taemin to support Taemin’s comeback (200907)

Minho to Onew in 2020: “But I love having you as company. I love your lame jokes. Just keep making your jokes. It’s just that you need moral support” (201116)

On the day he was discharged , Minho went straight from the military to see Taemin backstage at Inkigayo, without even changing out of his marine uniform. I’ve saved the best for last, so if you only click on one link in this post, please, please make it this one: [탬로그6v6📹] TAEMIN 태민 #샤이니isBack 201119

I should add that Minho doesn’t do all this stuff because he’s not booked and busy himself. He’s constantly filming, doing photoshoots, and randomly upstaging Melania Trump. Supporting the other members isn’t something he does just because he has the time; it’s something he works at consciously.

When SHINee went on Blue Night in 2016, Minho described how he transfers his support to the busiest member depending on the season:

Jonghyun: Then Minho-ssi, which member do you feel the most attached to? Minho: Out of the four? I think it changes with the season. Jonghyun: Who is it in the recent season? Minho: In the recent season, it’s Jonghyun-hyung. It’s because he’s the busiest. He needs to prepare for the concert. I think I try to take more care of the member who’s the busiest. Jonghyun: Then Key has been very busy until recently because of Drinking Solo. Key, did you feel that Minho was taking care of you? Did you feel it, Key? Minho’s love? Key: No, not at all. Jonghyun: He must have just thought about it a lot in his mind. (Ha.) Key: But he really is surprising. I think his day is a little longer than other people’s. I don’t know how he can watch them all [referring to the members’ activities]. Jonghyun: It’s a great thing. It means he has a lot of affection. Key: It’s not that I don’t watch it on purpose. When I turn on TV and find that our member is on by chance, I would watch it then. But to watch something intentionally…it means it’s a plan. Jonghyun: Minho watches everything, all the members’ schedules.

I’ve been a fan of SHINee for a long time—long enough to remember a time when the members didn’t all get along as famously as they do now—and I really believe that they wouldn’t have made it nearly this far if not for Minho holding them together.

I thought about saying something here like, “Minho’s strength is giving strength to others,” but I don’t think that would be giving nearly enough credit. What I most admire about Minho isn’t just that he gives strength to others, but that his love for other people becomes his strength—that it enables him to do the impossible and find that extra hour in the day.

This is all very sweet just by itself, but it becomes even more impressive when you consider—and here is where I start to get into a little bit of conjecture—how easily Minho could have given in to jealousy and resentment.

Imagine, for a moment, that you are 16 or 17 years old, you’ve just made your entertainment industry debut, and you’re surrounded by people whom everyone agrees are more talented than you. This isn’t the first time you’ve been overlooked; at home, you have a brother whom everyone agrees is smarter, more popular, and better-looking, and your own parents joke that maybe he should have debuted instead of you. People on the internet write articles calling you “useless” and “a black hole of talent” (I’m not going to link these!).

I think a lot of people in that situation would have grown to resent their peers. Instead, Minho doubled down on his support for the other members. There is something truly egoless, I think, in how hard he works to care for those around him. Whatever his own insecurities are or might have been, he doesn’t seem to have ever let them get in the way of all the love he has to give.

Of course, Minho doesn’t just show his tender heart in his interactions with the other SHINee members. He’s also endlessly kind to fans. Some of my favorite examples:

When he was a guest on My Last 48 Hours in 2018, the three things he chose to do in his hypothetical last 48 hours were: 1) spend time with family, 2) spend time with SHINee, and 3) spend time with fans. Since there was no time to organize a fanmeet, the producers found just one fan for him to surprise. She started to cry, he got kind of choked up at her crying...it was all too cute for words.

From the letter he wrote to Shawols (SHINee fans) while he was in the military: “As part of the engineering battalion, I’ve received air transportation training. You guys might not know much about it, so to put it simply, our training consists of falling from a plane or a helicopter with a parachute! … I was able to get closer to the sky during training. It was really pretty, and it was great, because I felt like I was looking at you guys.”

...OK, one more quote from the same letter: “I’m reading each and every letter from our SHINee world and I’m treasuring them … Giving your hearts to someone is like giving them your everything, receiving the heart of someone is like receiving all of them and sharing everything with them. I’m really happy that that person is you guys.”

Just the sheer number of times it’s been confirmed he actually reads his fan letters

His Kiseki stage. All of it. It’s maybe the purest expression of Minho to date (his solo stages prior to this were all, like, hip-thrusting to Usher with his shirt off—which, like, fine, I’m not complaining, but the baseball uniform is so much more his style). Every time I rewatch it, I’m just blown away by his sincerity. You can hear it in his voice. Also, I’ll say it: better than the original.

Recently he confessed that he watches fan reaction videos when he can’t sleep (Minhooooo!)

He once spent $21,000 to gift the 800 fans who came to his birthday fanmeet with sweatshirts from his endorsement line (171209). Insane thing to do. When the time comes to eat the rich, I will have no choice but to spare him.

If you’ve never been sucked into the K-Pop Vortex, I know what you’re probably thinking: being kind to fans is part of his job, it doesn’t actually mean anything. And you’re right, it is a part of his job—a part he’s very good at! K-Pop is a fantasy, and entering into a space where you feel seen and appreciated as a fan is a part of that fantasy.

But as a veteran K-Pop Enjoyer, I can tell you that just because something is ‘performative’ doesn’t mean it doesn’t also come from the heart. I also feel that SHINee have worked hard throughout their careers to be true to themselves in public—and to create spaces where they could be closer to fans on their own terms. So it would actually be really unfair to them, I think, to continually insist, against all available evidence, that everything they say and do is somehow calculated. I don’t have any trouble understanding that being an idol is a job, and there are no doubt days when they would rather do anything than talk to fans. But if Minho says that hearing from fans is a part of the job he generally enjoys—and that he cares about us, whether on a personal level or solely in the abstract—I’m inclined to believe him?

I’m cynical about many things, especially in K-Pop, but I just don’t have it in me to be cynical about Minho or SHINee.

I mean, just look at this:

I love him to pieces, and he’s improved a ton, but I’m still not sure he’s that good an actor.

Miscellaneous reasons

I’ve always felt that the extent to which Minho is openly adored by his industry juniors and seniors, as well as by his non-celebrity friends, speaks for itself. His friendship with TVXQ’s Changmin is especially cute (they even had a dating scandal together!).

He’s famously close with SNSD (so much so that Korean netizens nicknamed him “A male idol that people don't get suspicious when he's close to female idols”) and was even the first person to congratulate Taeyeon on the release of “I Call You” in 2020.

He is unfailingly gentle with children—one of only, like, two members who had any business taking care of a toddler on SHINee’s Hello Baby in 2010

He majored in film at Konkuk University and recently said that his “favorite Netflix show” is The Irishman. He also apparently liked Hirokazu Kore’eda’s Our Little Sister? With teasers for his solo album leaning in a moody, ‘90s neo-noir direction, many are speculating that a new cinephile Minho era may be upon us (and by “many” I mean “me”).

He knows how to laugh at himself

Never has been Minho been cuter than while walking through the London Underground on SHINee’s One Fine Day in 2013.

In conclusion,

#shinee #minho #if the thought of reading 3000+ words about a pop idol embarrasses you haha DON'T click on this #minho is known for his passion and as his fan i feel it's only right that i should try to match him #ever since i found out about the two weeks during tsol promotions when he didn't get any fan letters before music shows #while onew taemin and key did #i've gone slightly feral #minhoooooo #i should have been there for you!#someone ask about my favorite shinee songs next pleaseee #*

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