#starts seeing mental health professionals > opens up about how i feel for maybe the first time in my life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rainbowrelyea · 3 months

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I keep thinking about the idea of Kelly and Lena becoming besties after season six. And well Kelly, being the good friend she is, and also a mental health professional, keeps trying to convince Lena to go see a therapist and sort through all the trauma she has been through. And even though Kara, Lena’s other best friend (and possibly girlfriend at this point?) finally agreed to start seeing someone for her own issues, Lena still refuses. Perhaps because she is still too stubborn to accept the help, or because she is scared of unearthing all her demons, possibly both. So Kelly decides to change tactics and go for a more covert approach. After years of treating patients much more difficult than Lena, Kelly has a repertoire of tricks up her sleeve for convincing people to open up to her, and by subtly working some of those methods into normal everyday conversations, she’s slowly able to get Lena to start sharing herself more openly with Kelly. It’s not like that much really changes about their relationship, just now some of their discussions go a bit deeper, and little by little Lena and Kelly start to work through some of her baggage without her even fully realizing it.

This goes on for quite a while, until one day Lena puts the pieces together and realizes that Kelly has essentially been secretly psycho-analyzing her all this time (Lena is a genius after all, she was bound to figure it out eventually). When she confronts her about it, Kelly can’t help but cringe internally and braces herself for the worst. Riddled with guilt, and putting on the most apologetic face she can muster, she tells Lena how incredibly sorry she is, and tries to explain herself. But when Kelly asks her if she is upset with her, she gets an answer she doesn’t expect.

Lena crosses her arms and purses her lips, tilting her head to the side, a contemplative look on her face. For once Kelly can’t read her best friend’s expression, and she can feel her own anxiety growing as the seconds tick by. But when Lena finally speaks, there is no anger in her voice.

“I think - no, I know - that the old Lena, the person I was when we first met - she’d probably be furious at you. Maybe even friendship ending furious. I’m sure you remember what happened with Kara and I.”

Kelly doesn’t say anything, simply nods an acknowledgment, and waits for Lena to continue.

“But the Lena I am now? I’ve grown a lot in the last few years… and I don’t think I can find it in me to truly be upset with you. Maybe a little sad that you felt it was a necessary measure. But not mad - because I know you did what you did out of a place of love, not because you were trying to deceive or manipulate me. Because you’re one of my best friends and I believe you when you say you only want what’s best for me. Even when I refused to admit I needed any help, you know me well enough to know better.” She pauses, glancing down at the ground briefly before looking back up at Kelly, a small smile starting to pull at the edges of her mouth. “And you really did help me, you know? Honestly, this is the lightest and happiest I’ve felt in years.”

Kelly can tell Lena is telling the truth when she says it, because she can see it so clearly in the way Lena’s small grin breaks into a face splitting smile, one Kelly knows is genuine because of the way it’s a little crooked and because of how it crinkles Lena’s eyes at the corners. She feels her shoulders relax and she releases the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Then Lena is wrapping her up in a tight embrace, and it’s a little longer than usual, and Lena squeezes a little harder than usual, as if to say “thank you for being there for me.”

“That said…” Lena pulls back from the hug and breathes out an exaggerated sigh as she makes a show of crossing her arms and rolling her eyes like a petulant teenager, even as she fights to keep the smirk off her face. “That said, I think it’s about time I face my fears head on and schedule an appointment with a therapist, you know, one who is not my BFF.”

Kelly can’t help but smile widely at that, feeling nothing but warmth and affection for her dear friend. “Took you long enough, you stubborn old mule,” she teases, pulling Lena into another hug.

“Excuse you!” Lena swats at Kelly’s arm in mock indignation. “Stubborn yes, but I am neither old nor a mule! You take that back Kelly Olsen-Danvers!”

“Fine, fine, just ridiculously stubborn then,” Kelly replies through her laughter. “But I hope you know, just because you start going to actual therapy, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying to keep poking holes in all those walls of yours.”

Lena considers her with a soft look in her eyes and a soft smile to match. “Yeah, I know. I don’t think I’d want it any other way.”

#just a random idea #lena luthor #kelly olsen #BFFs Lena and Kelly #Lena needs therapy #Lena deserves friends who take care of her #supergirl #character growth

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calliecat93 · 8 months

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Balance of Terror is probably, up to that point, Kirk in his most perilous situation. It is full battle mode where if he makes so much as one wrong move, he risks death. Not too mention potential war against an enemy that he knows little to nothing about. Thus, for the vast majority of the episode, we have Kirk in Full On Captain Mode... except for one scene.

It's been hours now since the battle against the Romulans has started. At this moment, the Enterprise is a sitting duck and all that they can do is wait. Which gives Kirk plenty of time with his thoughts and in turn, his doubts. Doubts that he cannot let anyone see under any circumstances. Even when Rand, his personal Yeoman who has seen him at his best and worst, comes to see if he needs anything, the mask stays put. There's no point in bombarding her with what he's feeling internally and freak her out. That's not a luxury that he's allowed.

Well... save for one person.

As soon as McCoy walks in and Rand leaves? Kirk is noticeably more at ease. You can even see Rand realize it and leave, allowing McCoy to help the Captain when she clearly isn't going to get anywhere.

It's only then that Kirk feels comfortable talking and letting his doubts be visible. It's the one vulnerable moment that he lets show in the episode, feeling the pressure as his men to look at him and the fear of what happens if he's wrong. If you think back to The Corbomite Manuver we had a similar moment where McCoy tried to talk to Kirk, but while Kirk was at more ease, he didn't want to hear it nor did he let himself really open up. He doesn't even use Bones then, which sure it's probably because they hadn't thought of the nickname yet, but in-show you can interpret it as Kirk remaining in professional mode even to the guy who has it in his job description to see to his mental health.

Not that McCoy is there just because it's his job, of course.

From what we can tell, McCoy went to Kirk on his own volition. He wasn't called or anything, he went to go make sure that Kirk was doing okay. He's been in Sickbay for the majority of the episode and hasn't exactly been able to make time to go check on the Bridge Crew, especially not Jim. Now that he can, he's just there to let Kirk air out whatever he's been bubbling in for so many hours , as he always does.

But Kirk doesn't need McCoy, his Chief Medical Officer and essentially therapist, right now. And he clearly needs more than a soundboard to vent his feelings to. What Jim needs is Bones, his best friend and confidant. You even have McCoy, once Kirk's done talking, start to go 'Captain I-" before he's cut off, still somewhat in that professional mode (maybe even remembering the last time he spoke out of line in a tense situation ala The Corbomite Manuever). That's not what's needed. Kirk didn't expect an answer, but McCoy stops him. He outright says that he normally doesn't talk to 'a customer' like he is now, which goes to show how much he views Jim as far more than a patient or as the captain of the ship. Kirk is, first and foremost, his friend, and he needs some kind of reassurance right then and there.

And that's exactly what he gives.

MCCOY: But I've got one. Something I seldom say to a customer, Jim. In this galaxy, there's a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets. And in all of the universe, three million million galaxies like this. And in all of that, and perhaps more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk.

Just that bit of assurance and Kirk is good to go. And I think he needed it from Bones specifically. Bones, the one person that Kirk can really be himself around. The one person who he's allowed to be vulnerable around. The one person who has always been there to ease him and help him process his feelings, as we've seen already in episodes like The Enemy Within. And even with McCoy worried himself, even having voiced concern about the gamble that Jim is taking earlier in the episode, he still trusts him and has faith in him. And unlike The Corobomite Manuever where he provoked an argument and had his priorities skewed, McCoy knows what Kirk does and doesn't need right now, and he delivers.

IDK, I just love these two so much and I need to voice it for the world cause dang it, someone has to!

#star trek #star trek tos #mckirk

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psiirockin · 14 days

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do you have any advice for opening commissions? i feel like you have them very professionally set up, and i have pretty bad social anxiety, so it might be helpful to hear tips for communicating with customers and such, or setting up a fair tos!

hi so, maybe i do have some advice!!! <33 thank you so so much for the kindness & seeing me as professional lol i’ve been doing comms for 2-3 years and i must say.. still getting the hang of a lot of things. you go through a lot of trial + error trying to figure out what works best for you, so remember theres no truly right way to go about comms! they should all fit the needs, pace, and benefit of you and your work ethic!

what i did personally is start off at some lower prices just to test the waters and get the ball rolling. i priced rendered characters at i think, $24 per character? possibly lower, i cant quite remember. and then i gradually went up as i started to progress in my art style more + had more people coming in.

with customers, i have a lot of anxiety as well! im autistic, so i never like making a customer feel like i dont truly care abt the commission by accidentally sounding too flat or anything. i tend to RLLY overthink it lol so we make sure we are extra talkative + kind about their comm! giving them compliments on the character, showing genuine excitement so they know theyre in good hands! (we love engaging esp when the customer seems VERY excited or enthusiastic abt the commission!)

a lot of irl turmoil tends to happen in our life which can make a comm delayed sometimes. could be severe mental health problems, just being busy w/ shit in general. its important to just keep your customers up to date, especially if its going to take a realllyyy long time or the customer likes frequent updates.

i used to be able to get shit done in like a night. but, with an actual line up/queue of comm work we progressively started taking longer and longer esp as we transitioned from a teenager starting out and into a busy adult with persistent mental health issues. (plus our art becomes more complex as time goes on, so that has to be taken into account) tbhs, depending on your availability and how much effort goes into your work, and as the demand grows, you need to charge accordingly and just be honest with your clientele.

as for TOS do what makes you comfortable! make your limits known and put your foot down when a request or any topic makes you uncomfortable. dont let your customers get inappropriate with you or try to make you feel bad if they dont wanna pay for what they ask for, etc. i also recommend requesting payment after sketch/half and half when starting out just so you can get some experience under your belt + assure future clients that youre professional n wont scam them! (if you plan on switching to payment upfront in the future)

just remember that u are not a machine, you are a human being making art for someone else. putting love n effort into your craft, time and effort. take your time getting the hang of comm stuff, things dont have to be perfect in your setup at first.

#asks #asks open #commissions

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oleander-nin · 10 months

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A/N, not important: Well, idk. I'm tired. Mikey's ooc, sorry. I just. IDK. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

-Ollie

Tw: emotions, crying, mention of nightmares

Words: 865

Prompt(s) requested: 16(Nightmares) & 3(“There’s a whole world out there. You just need to find your place in it.”)

Summary: Mikey's here to help.

Mikey smiles softly at his partner, his orange sweater brushes together every time he moves. They glance up at Mikey, uncertainty shining in their eyes. After seeing how stressed and tired they had been as of late, Mikey had scheduled them an appointment with Dr. Feelings. He was worried about his lover, having noticed the signs of immense strain on their mental health. Mikey wanted to help.

“Hello and welcome to my seminar! I’m Dr. Feelings.” Mikey grins as they chuckle at his words. His heart swells with pride at the fact he made them smile. Their happiness was everything he lived for. “I’ve noticed you’ve been repressing a lot of your emotions. You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Their face is a puddle of guilt, their eyes avoiding Mikey’s as they stare at the floor. Mikey taps his knee with his pointer stick, stuck in thought. He wanted to help them, but if they wouldn’t tell him anything…

The box turtle sets his pointer down, his arms folding behind his back. He rocks between his heel and the balls of his feet, trying to think of how to get them to talk. “Nothing you say will be judged. I’ve noticed how tired you’ve been. Want to talk about that?”

It seemed an easier subject to deal with.

The human opens their mouth, then sinks back into the chair, looking conflicted.

Or… Maybe not.

Mikey chews on his cheek, eyes narrowing at their curled figure. They had obvious eyebags, their face seeming to have lost some color. It wasn’t fair. “Is there a reason you’re not getting enough rest?”

Mikey’s voice takes on a more delicate tone, his dark eyes plagued with worry. Mikey’s partner hesitates, then nods. Mikey feels hope settle in his chest. He was getting somewhere. Mikey clears his throat, trying to maintain an air of fake professionalism. He was supposed to be a doctor after all. “Can you tell me the reason?”

“Been having nightmares.” They mumble. Mikey’s heart pangs at this, a small pout on his lips. That wasn’t good at all. Mikey drums his fingers on his covered thigh.

“What are they about?”

The human lets out a long sigh, sinking further into the chair. Their arms cross over their chest, eyebrows furrowed as they think. “Everything I suppose. It changes a lot. It just… I hate it.”

“Has it been happening a lot?” Mikey asks softly, sympathy in his voice. The human nods.

“Every couple of nights probably.”

Mikey sighs in sympathy, wanting nothing more than to hug them tightly and never let go. Seeing them like this hurt him. He couldn’t stand them being upset. “Do you know what caused it?”

“Uh, stress probably? I uh, I lost my job and uh, everything’s kinda going downhill.” Mikey’s eyes soften when their voice starts to break. Them losing their job was most likely the root of the problem. He couldn’t believe they didn’t tell him, didn’t let him help shoulder the burden. He understood to an extent, but he still worried for them. It was taking such an obvious toll on their mental wellbeing.

A small cry brings Mikey out of his thoughts, his loves hunched form desperately wiping tears away. Mikey panics for a moment. He knew it was bad, but he wasn’t expecting this.

Mikey sighs and takes the glasses off, setting them down on the arms of the chair. He walks closer to his crying lover, cupping their cheeks. His thumbs gently brush away the tears, Mikey cooing sweet nothings to them. He hated seeing them cry, seeing them so upset. Their tears slow, a small choked sob leaving them. Mikey kisses their forehead softly, letting them cry it out. He was honored they were willing to show him these emotions, to trust him enough to be vulnerable in his presence. He wasn’t going to chide them for this, not when they were doing everything right.

“You’re just trying your best. Sometimes things don’t work out. It happens. You just have to push through it.” Mikey’s words are soft. He didn’t want to overwhelm them and make it worse. He continues to caress their face, kneeling in front of them. He wipes away another tear, murmuring softly as he does so. “There’s a whole world out there. You just need to find your place in it.”

They both stay in that position for a while, Mikey tenderly holding his love as they cry. He stays quiet for the most part, only adding in sweet words when necessary. He frowns when the sobs get more choked, as if they were trying to hold them back. A hand moves to their chin, tilting their face towards him.

“Hey, it’s okay to cry.” He says gently, trying his best to be comforting. It took everything in him not to pull them into a tight hug and never let go. Seeing them this upset broke him. He just wanted to help. “Everything’s going to be okay. I love you.”

Another sob bubbles from their chest and Mikey sighs, a sad smile on his face. He could wait for them. He would wait forever if he had to.

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angelosearch · 4 months

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here is a weird little ramble about how weird and obsessive I am about this damn videogame.

You know that quote from Laguna at the beginning of disk 2 where he is like, "Oh, please let it be this room when I wake up! Please let me be in this puny bed when I wake up!"*?

I get that feeling sometimes. When you finally feel safe and happy and loved, it's hard to believe it will stay. Sometimes it's hard to believe I even deserve for it to stay. So I start and end each day with the fear of it all disappearing, and it's hard to hang on to gratefulness when you're doing that.

Right now I have so much joy and fun and creativity in my life. I spent so many years in a deep depression that I forgot I could be excited like this. I didn't know I could still feel so strongly about things. And while I spent a lot of 2023 seeing all of my mental health treatments/work paying off, I didn't feel truly whole until I rediscovered Final Fantasy VIII in July.

And my "puny bed" is just that - being engaged with Final Fantasy VIII. I get scared that one day I will be uninterested. But I never want to be unobsessed again.

I have loved Final Fantasy VIII at least since I was about 11, but I think I loved it since the first time I watched my brothers play the demo. It has been an important part of my life - playing the game influenced all my interests going forward; making fanfiction taught me how to write; going on forums to discuss the game helped me learn how to socialize online; and honestly I could go on.

But I've gone through cycles. I was very obsessed from 11 to 13, then someone made me a cake with the Griever necklace on it for my 16th birthday (WHICH WAS SO COOL) and all I could feel was embarrassment. My interest had gone completely dormant. It reemerged at 19 with the help of my Final Fantasy XIII roommate in college and went on long enough for us to go to see a Distant Worlds concert together, but faded again when she left for Amsterdam.

The first five years of my young professional life I am not sure I had any interests at all, being so busy and detached from myself, so Final Fantasy VIII was nowhere in my vocabularly. Which meant my wedding had not a drop of FFVIII in it. Even though my husband suggested it. Even though we learned how to dance for it, and could have done the waltz for the moon.

Strangely enough, about two days before the remaster dropped, I was inspired to look up FFVIII for some unknown reason. It was as if I felt the new opportunity to play in the force and when I found out a remaster was coming out, I absolutely had to play it.

And I did. And I enjoyed it. But that was when I started to fall down a dark spiral. The love was very quickly strangled.

When I was at my very worst, I kid you not, I could not even bring myself to think of FFVIII. I very clearly remember one December night in 2020 I spent manic in a psych ward, scared and uncomfortable and unable to fall asleep. I tried to focus on fanfiction ideas so I could maybe be relaxed enough to doze, instead of spending hours in the darkness wondering if my meds would ever work, if my heart was going to explode, if I would ever be "normal" again, while people opened my door at random intervals to shine a flashlight on my face. I tried to conjure Squall's face, or quotes from the game, and it all collapsed into nothingness.

And that was how it was. From then until mid-2023, FFVIII was shut away from me by the tomb of my own illness.

Then, I think it was March or April, my therapist and I were talking about ways to tackle my insomnia that didn't involve additional medication. It came up that I used to make "fake bedtime scenarios" about characters in this videogame I liked and that would not only help me fall asleep, but make me excited to go to bed.

"Why don't you play the game again?" She asked. I know I said "I can't" but I don't remember why. But it was enough to plant a seed (SeeD?).

As the spring continued, I started listening to the music from Final Fantasy VIII. Then I started going on the Reddit. I found this "State of the Arc" podcast that reviewed FFVIII. I listened to it on a roadtrip and, while I enjoyed it, I also found myself yelling at the dashboard because I disagreed with the hosts about something.

When I reached my destination, I found I could not fall asleep. I turned over a lot of things in my brain. I thought about Squall being a high-functioning depressed person with a lot of repressed feelings, like I once was. And how as your brain develops and you have issues like that, especially with CPTSD, it sometimes doesn't matter if your life is good now - the pain demands to be felt and the body remembers what you thought you forgot. And then I wondered, what if he was happy and with Rinoa after FFVIII but had a massive mental breakdown in his late 20s? And so, for the first time in three years, I could think about Final Fantasy VIII to fall asleep again.

After that, I was hooked again, and in a big way. I played the game again and found Reddit wasn't enough anymore. I may be even more obsessed with the game now than I ever was. So I joined Tumblr, and I guess you guys know the rest.

Since bringing this amazing videogame back into my life, I've been happier, more easy-going, and just... able to sit with myself. It makes me want to write, and draw, and sing, and play card games. I find that when my anxiety gets the best of me, I can shift to thinking about Final Fantasy VIII as a way of thought-stopping. And then I've met some amazing people on here that are so interesting and talented and supportive. I literally look forward to coming on Tumblr.

Today I was out and about a lot because I am with my in-laws and I am sort of on vacation. Because of that, I wasn't on Tumblr all day, and, more significantly, I didn't think/talk about Final Fantasy VIII. I mean, it wasn't completely absent from my day as I wore my "Compression of Time" tanktop and Squaket... but irrationally I feared I was somehow "not doing enough FFVIII" today.

And that is silly, of course. And I think in the big picture I am most afraid of being that disconnected and lost again. I could probably find joy in another fandom... maybe.

I just want to keep waking up here, in this cozy place that makes me feel connected and at home.

*btw in google this quote I found out Laguna is a brand of bed frame???

#Essay #personal essay #final fantasy viii #Little mental illness things

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suckmybigtoeoikawa · 2 years

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When Your On Instagram Live With 4*Town

(takes place in 2022)

masterlist

Robaire

he’s always starting lives when he’s laying in bed like he’ll warn you and be like “Hey, im about to start a live right now, you okay with that?”

and okay you chilling, so he starts the live and then all of a sudden it’s like 2 million people on the live and he’s just sitting there asking people about their day

“how’s your guys day?” “you guys do anything fun today?”

maybe he’ll talk about some music or something like his current favorite song maybe

but like they all sex songs

“uhmm, i’ve been listening to a lot of Janet Jackson and i really like her— uhm guys if your not old enough ask your parents for listen to this song”

like bruv the kids don’t even understand

you laugh at him ans he’ll smile at you and be all cheesy

which makes the fans go wild

then if he starts doing a Q&A and some questions pop up that pertain you and him he’s gonna get a lil shy but still answer confidently

“ how come you smile so hard at, Y/N? oh uhm they’re so funny that’s why”

oh okay.

let’s say your not there and he invites you onto the live or you request to join

BRO IS SMILING THE WHOLE TIME

Lil giggles when you say sumn funny

when you smile he start smiling

or like you’ll be saying or exposing something and he just nods his head and starts smiling

like stink stawpppppp

but lives are very chill, quiet sometimes but funny and sometimes the other meme here come in and it’s a mess

Jesse

dude probably painting on live, let’s say he’s painting you he won’t tell the camera what he’s painting or even you

your just sitting there minding your business and he’s just painting away and talking to the camera about his artistic process or like how he’s been feeling recently

i feel like he’s open with his fans but not like openly open (if that makes sense)

like i feel like he suffers from some type of mental health issue, so he would tell his fans that but he wouldn’t like go really deep deep into it

but aside from that he would tell the fans how he’s feeling and how his members are feeling and how they’re doing

very therapeutic lives, and there are some youtube videos out there titled ‘Painting With 4*Town Jesse (for sleeping)’ or like for studying

he for real be teasing his fans through the camera as well he be like reading flirtatious comments and then smirk while reading them

and s the fans write more crazy shit

like wow there buddy.. why we in the comments sayin you want him to knock your ankles loose-

but he responds very professionally and flirtatious

“daddy..that’s not a new one” he says smiling to himself “ i am a father”

but like damn the way he said daddy and smirked to himself.. sweet Jesus

but then he be smirking then looking at you as he paints……..

white boy don’t play with me.

if you request to join the live and your not there in the room he’s probably painting from fruit or sumn, or maybe a picture of you (￣▽￣;)

as your talking on the live about whatever he’s like looking so focused on the painting yet he’s asking all these deep and serious questions as if there isn’t like 2.5 milling people watching

like you have to be like “hold on na” to which he giggles or laughs and it’s so cute his smile omfg.

if the other members want to join in the live.. well they can’t :)

only like robaire and aaron Z on a good day

but taeyong and aaron T ….. no

Taeyoung

literally so cute cause he usually baking or some cute shit bro

let’s just say he’s baking bro it’s literally so cute and chaotic cause he’s trying to figure out how precise is precise

like you can’t have like one egg when the box be calling for two

he still ends up putting one fawking egg in that bitch

but it’s so much fun baking with him you and him forget the live is even there

that’s until he does something real bold like putting the batter on your nose and then when you do it back he be like

“YALL SEE THAT, YALL SEE WHAT Y/N DID TO ME”

like bro bffr.

but when whatever your baking is done you guys have what he calles ‘Taeyoungs Terrific Tasty Review’ or ‘TTR’ for short

usually it pretty good and sometimes some stuff is bad but most of the time it’s fire

he’s really good at making cookies

he adds a special ingredient to the cookies and the other members have to guess what it is

and then the members come in and try the treats and it’s a whole mess from there

cause Aaron T is tryna take all the cookies knowin good and well there’s only 6 and he says “i’m just tryna taste all the flavor” oh….

then Aaron Z and Robaire arguing over what the special ingredient is

and Jesse probably got the answer already from asking the live

tooo funnnyyy his lives are very fun to watch usually people watch his lives for when they’re feeling sad or something because his energy cheers them up or seeing the group interact makes them happy yk??

Aaron T

Very chaotic, like what the fawk

you don’t even know what happens most of the time

like your there watching him in person and still confused

like he’ll go from talking to you about like his day to conspiracy theories about disney princesses or some shit and then he’s like walking laps around his room tryna figure out crimes like it’s a damn k-drama

one time you guys were playing rock paper scissors for some reason and then he lost so then he almost threw a chair, like what the fawk

and you got scared and he ran over to hug you and everything

“ohhh im so sorry i was joking i was joking i swear” he says while hugging you and rocking back and forth with you in his arms

you don’t even know what happened after cause it was all a blur cause he was going so fast

but other than that when you guys are on live he’s always smiling too just like robaire, but it’s like so refreshing and kind

like you can be talking and he’s like just smiling and saying little things like “for real?!!” “oh my gosh”

and it’s funny to see his expressions

or like when you finish saying a story and say something funny at the end he starts smiling and laughing and it’s so cute like omgg

even if your request to be there and you aren’t there physically he still manages to make the live chaotic

or even the Q&A’s like omfg don’t even get me started bro…

someone asked him to search up blue waffles bro.. real childish middle school shit but somehow he didn’t even know what that was and searched it up

like you thought he was joking when he said he was gonna search it up but no.. cause when you heard that authentic scream bro

crazy, his fans on his live be setting him up though

but he’s so precious at the end of every live he tells his fans good morning or goodnight and wishes them well and he poses for them so they can make a new screen saver for their phone he says

“okay goodnight yall, or good morning. I’m about to do my pose for y’all real quick before i leave so make sure y’all screen shot and make it your screensaver cause i know y’all obsessed with me” he poses and turns to you “Y/N join the live so you can make me your screen saver”

Aaron Z

only on live if he got forced to or like just randomly

like he’ll be in a dance studio, or a music studio, gym maybe ans then there were like a few lives where he just got out the shower

when i tell you people screen recorded so quick bro

but usually he’s finishing something or adding the finishing touches to something and your always there

like your never not there

like fuck the request thingy your always there by his side, like during that shower live you were just sitting there on the the bed waiting for him (see that don’t even sound right)

or if your at a music studio your lounged out on the couch on your phone or doing some type of hobby yk

but he doesn’t really speak about much, he’ll just read the comments and tell the fans that he’s doing well

or like what he did that day

“hey.. what did i do today??.. uhm so i woke up and ate breakfast with Y/N then i wen to the gym and then the dance studio”

like it’s just like that, it’s so cute because he’s trying to find things to talk about but he doesn’t know what to say for real

so on live when he’s with you (which is always) is like the only time people really see him not so stoic

like he might smile a little while he’s talking to you when you ask him some questions or when he asks you some questions

like it’s so authentic and he looks so relaxed and the fans see that

the other members aren’t really there unless they are coming back from the gym or like dance studio, but he will let the other members say hello

and usually it’s Aaron T who is with him the most when he does those things if not you

when an album is about to come out and he’s in the music studio making music he’ll try to be like “y’all are not ready for this one”

AND ITS SO FUNNYTT

and he’ll be a little bit goofy a little late into the live and be like “Y/N your not ready for this” ans play some goofy ass beat

childish i swear but his instagram lives are really chill and relaxed, nothing crazy and they sometimes can be boring but you gotta stay a little while longer for some entertainment.. unless it’s is annual shower lives..

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maochira · 11 months

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hey mao! Im not sure if you did this already, but could you maybe write something about Chris comforting reader after a mental breakdown or something like that? I'd really appreciate it <3

Haven't done this so far so here we go!! With dad!Chris, of course

Requests open! - masterlist

Tags: gn!Chris' kid!reader, reader is a teenager

Usually, you openly communicate your feelings with your father. Just recently, he hasn't been at home because he's been travelling and his busy schedule and the different time zones made it hard to find time to talk. You only found time for phone calls twice a week.

The worst part about it is that you don't even know when he'll return home. He was originally supposed to return two weeks ago but then another model agency hired him for some photoshoots and Chris just didn't want to decline that.

You always understood that his life as your father and his career as a professional soccer player with the occasional modelling job in between will always be unbalanced, no matter how much he tries. And usually, you're able to deal with that just fine.

Just recently, everything's been a bit hard. Studying for exams has been stressing you out and at the same time half of your friends started showing more and more toxic behaviour or straight up abandoned you. All of that in combination with missing your father has been anything else but good for your mental health.

It was only a matter of time until you'd break down in tears. But it only happened tonight. You couldn't hold back but cry into your pillow, finally letting out at least a bit of the pressure that you've been keeping inside.

You're still in the middle of crying when your phone rings. It's your father. For a moment, you think about declining the call and coming up with a bad excuse for why you couldn't pick up. But you just miss your father too much and lying to him would be wrong.

You decide to get yourself together to stop crying for a moment and pick up the call. "Hey..." Even from one short word, Chris can hear that you've been crying and immediately gets worried.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" The concern in his voice is obvious. "Did someone do anything to you? Did someone hurt my baby?"

His last question actually makes you giggle a bit. No matter how old you are, as soon as your father gets worried about you, in his mind you're back to being a little child he has to protect.

While you try to find the right words, you start crying again. "Everything's just been... too much recently. And I miss you."

Chris has always been an emotional father, so hearing you say that you miss him brings tears into his eyes as well. "I'm coming back home in two days, alright? Can you stay strong until then?"

"I'm really trying..." You sob into the phone.

Chris is a bit clueless about what to do right now. He's not used to comforting you over the phone at all. He only really knows how to comfort you when he's with you. Knowing he can't hug you right now to make you feel better actually hurts his heart a lot.

"Do you want to tell me what's dragging you down?" Chris continues talking, "I mean, besides that you miss me... You know I miss you a lot as well? I can't wait to see you again. Actually... I'll check if I can get a flight tomorrow, okay? Then I'll be with you sooner."

"You really don't have to if-"

"No no," your father interrupts you quickly, "You need your dad so I'll try to get home as soon as possible. Now go on, tell me what's been dragging you down. I'm here to listen, okay?"

Taglist: @starhrtz, @kaineedstherapy12, @zyuuuu, @luvcalico, @truegoist, @vanitasbrainrot, @deerangle3, @toruden - sign up for my taglist right here!

#💟 maochira writes #bllk #blue lock #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x you #blue lock x you #chris prince #chris prince x reader #chris prince x you

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uncloseted · 23 days

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how to actively let go of shame and actually love yourself? mantras and affirmations feel so phony and my thoughts actively work to combat them almost, i feel so ashamed of my past and my mistakes that i feel like i can’t overcome them and i can’t love myself because of them? i know it’s important but how to actually make changes that don’t feel superficial, i’m not beautiful or smart or worthy so those mantras make me feel worse :/

Anonymous asked:

How to learn to love yourself and feel worthy in practical ways? Self love and mantras always seem like a mindset I can't learn or truly believe, due to my bad choices and also being treated as unworthy and unimportant and stupid it feels weird to say "i'm worthy, I deserve good things, I deserve love" when I've been show so many time that I'm not and I don't; both by my own failures and actions and by those around me, how do i practically build up self love and confidence in a way that sticks and doesn't feel like phony or like it doesn't apply to me bc I've done such bad things and I was born bad? I know a lot of my fucks ups were due to insecurity and shame and jealousy so I know i need to work on myself, but how?

Anonymous asked:

how to love yourself despite your own past and fuckups? I find it so hard to love myself and develop good self esteem when i can see in my flaws and mistakes and all i know is people treating me less than worthy, i don't feel like self love mantras apply to me because i'm not a good person or beautiful or worthy, and the things i've done and what i am and the way i've been treated prove that, but i know lacking self loves leads to envy and bad choices for me, how i do improve this?

It seems like this is something you're really struggling with and that's really impacting your life. If you can, I would really recommend looking for a therapist who can help you work through these feelings. Mental health professionals have training that can help them figure out what kinds of therapy will work for you and come up with strategies to help you start loving and appreciating yourself. If you're in the US, most health insurance plans do cover therapy, so I would start there. They should have a list of the therapists that are covered in network. PsychologyToday also has a great therapist finder that lets you get a better sense of what different therapists are like, what kinds of therapy they do, and the approach that they take. If your insurance doesn't cover therapy, there are also lower-cost online services like BetterHelp, Talkspace, Calmerry, Alma, and Open Path Collective. If you're a teenager, Teen Counseling is also an option. Working through our feelings is hard, but it's easier when we have someone on our team who can help us figure out what the next step is and keep our progress on track.

Positive Self Talk

All that said, like I was talking about here, I think figuring out how to forgive yourself and, eventually, learn how to love yourself is a process that takes time. As much as I wish there was, there's no magic bullet for self esteem. Building yourself back up, no matter what approach you take, will feel stupid and false at first. When we've spent our entire lives believing one thing about ourselves, we can't just flip a switch and believe something else. Our brains will push back on trying to change the way that we think because our brains truly believe that those thoughts are keeping us safe. But the more that we challenge those beliefs that we have about ourselves and the more that we repeat the alternatives to ourselves, the easier it becomes to start considering that it's possible they're true, and eventually the easier it becomes to believe them.

I want to be clear that I'm not saying you should recite mantras to yourself in the mirror every morning (although that can work, too). Maybe right now, that's way too much. Instead, I would try to notice when you're having a negative thought about yourself such as "I was born bad" and then gently suggest an alternative to yourself. "Is it possible that I wasn't born bad because nobody is born a bad person?" Even if you immediately reject that idea, just considering it is a start. Every time you have the thought that you were born a bad person, just gently ask yourself to consider that maybe nobody was born a bad person. The more times you do that, the more you might be able to get to "nobody is born bad." And then if you keep asking yourself to consider that nobody is born bad, you might be able to get to, "I wasn't born a bad person." The more times you ask yourself to consider the possibility that you weren't born a bad person, then you might be able to get to, "I wasn't born a bad person. Is it possible that I developed these maladaptive coping skills due to something in my childhood or the way I was raised?" It's a long and often slow process, but eventually you can get to "I did the things I did because [insert thing here- didn't have the tools to cope with feelings of jealousy/felt like I always had to look out for myself because nobody else was going to/was raised to feel ashamed of myself for being who I am/whatever], and although that doesn't make my actions okay, I can forgive myself for not having acted differently." And from there, eventually you can get to, "I am worthy of love and respect despite the things that I did." And from there, then maybe you can start looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, "I am worthy! I deserve good things! I deserve love!" But you can't just jump into the deep end with things like this; you have to take it one baby step at a time.

Other Therapies

All that said, for some people, therapies that are focused on challenging thought patterns can be really hard. If that's the case for you, it might work better to take an approach that focuses on acceptance. There are two main therapies in this group- "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy" and "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy". As I said before, it's best if you can find a therapist who specializes in this kind of therapy and who can help you work through your thoughts and feelings. But if that's not a possibility, there are some at-home resources you can use to help yourself.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is designed to help you manage difficult, intense emotions and to better handle interpersonal relationships. There are some good self-help DBT resources here and here. DBT has four core skills that build on each other:

Mindfulness: these are skills that are focused on being present in the current moment. Mindfulness includes things like observing your thoughts and feelings without judgement, doing a mental scan of your body from head to toe, noticing the emotions you're experiencing and describing them, and exercises where you focus on your breathing. Mindfulness helps us realize that our emotions are impermanent, which allows us to better regulate them when we're experiencing negative emotions.

Distress Tolerance: these are skills that are focused on helping you learn to cope with distressing emotions and difficult situations. Distress tolerance includes things like making a list of distracting activities for when you feel yourself headed into an emotional crisis, using grounding techniques (like describing 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste), and other methods of self soothing. In your case, the distress tolerance skill of radical acceptance might be particularly useful, since it focuses on accepting and making peace with things that cannot be changed, like past events, and letting go of the distress we hold because of those events. Distress tolerance skills allow us to be more confident and resilient in our day to day lives.

Emotional Regulation: these are skills that are focused on helping you manage your emotions, change negative emotions, and increase the number of positive emotions you have. Emotional regulation involves things like recognizing and naming the emotions that you're experiencing, accepting that your emotions are valid, identifying distortions in your patterns of thinking, practicing feeling uncomfortable, and coming up with a plan for when difficult situations arise.

Interpersonal Effectiveness: these are skills that are focused on helping you manage your relationships with other people. Interpersonal effectiveness involves things like identifying your communication style, learning how to listen attentively and validate other people's emotions, and how to build trust in relationships. These skills allow us to build a support network of people who can build us up when we don't feel like we can do it ourselves.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) asks us to view "negative" emotions like sadness, anger, and jealousy as a natural part of life, accept that these feelings are appropriate responses to situations that we're put in, and to commit to changing our behaviors so they're in line with our values. There are some good self-help resources for ACT here and here. The book "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris is also a really popular starting place. ACT has six core skills:

Acceptance: as with DBT, acceptance is a big part of ACT. In ACT, acceptance involves acknowledging and embracing difficult emotions without judgement or trying to change them.

Mindfulness: also as with DBT, mindfulness is a big part of ACT. The skills you'll build here are similar to the ones I mentioned above- observing your emotions and thoughts without judgement, meditation, doing a mental scan of your body, and breathing exercises.

Cognitive Defusion: Cognitive defusion involves distancing yourself from your thoughts and feelings, which leads you to change how you react to them and to have a more objective perspective on them. Instead of assuming that our thoughts and emotions are true, this skill teaches us to ask whether the thoughts and feelings we have are true. Techniques for this skill can include things like singing our thoughts, noticing the automatic reaction we have to certain thoughts or feelings, or using language to distance ourselves from those thoughts and feelings (For example, "I'm noticing that I'm having the feeling that I was born a bad person" instead of "I was born a bad person").

Self as Context or The Observing Self: This skill asks us to recognize that our physical and emotional states are temporary. As people, we're more than just our emotions, thoughts, and experiences. Because we are not our emotions or thoughts, we can choose how we react to the emotions and thoughts that we have. Exercises in this group can include things like exploring the roles we play in our day-to-day lives and noticing the things that stay consistent throughout those role switches that we experience.

Values: This skill asks us to identify what our personal values are. When we know what our values are and are trying our best to live in line with them, it's easier to avoid acting from a place of negativity (like shame, jealousy, anger, and fear).

Committed Action: finally, committed action asks us to create long-term goals that are in line with our values. What are the concrete steps you would need to take in order to align with your values and positively impact your life?

Final Thoughts

I know this all probably feels like a lot of work, and I would imagine that some of it doesn't feel immediately relevant to your pressing concern. But by learning these skills, either thought positive self-talk, DBT, or ACT, it will become easier to accept your past, tolerate your discomfort with the person that you used to be, change the way that you think and feel about yourself, and change the way that you interact with the world moving forward.

#self-help #self help #advice #self esteem #self confidence #self love #self healing #insecurity #jealousy #DBT #ACT

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 9 months

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Hey, i read a lot of romance and I date a lot, at college I made out with boys at parties, and now I'm two-ish months into dating someone. But I think I'm just chasing a feeling that I'm never going to have, and I broke up with someone last summer because of it and I think I'm going to have to do it again and it's just shit, why can't I have that feeling. I don't even know what it is that I'm missing, but it just feels empty, like I'm going through the motions. But maybe it's my antidepressants... Or maybe the guy just isn't right...

I don't know how to be, and I thought I would have figured it out by now. How can I just string this guy along knowing this

We live in a culture that tells us that we're supposed to want certain things to be happy, including a long term romantic relationship. The reality is is that people are actually really diverse and while romantic relationships may be important to some people, others may be more neutral or even find romantic relationships aren't right for them at all.

It is possible that this could be related to your anti-depressants, another possibility is that either this relationship or romantic relationships in general aren't right for you. No matter what someone's identity is or ends up being though, I always think it's a good idea to explore who you are and try and ask yourself honestly and with an open mind, what would make you happy? What way of living your life do you think will make you feel fulfilled?

It won't hurt to explore aromanticism and aro identities just to see if that is what's going on with you. Some aromantic spectrum people do like to date and make out, but don't like serious long term relationships (this is common for freyromantic people for example, which is someone who experiences romantic attraction, but only to people they don't know well and it fades or disappears as they get to know the person they're attracted to).

If you're not sure where to start, I recommend Arocalypse (an aro themed forum with a good faq), and Carnival of Aros as a good place to find aro people talking about their experiences being aro.

If you are concerned about your antidepressants that is something to talk to your doctor about, but be careful that sometimes medical professionals (including mental health professionals) aren't always informed about aromanticism and it's still not uncommon to mistake that on its own as a symptom of a larger problem. Pay attention if there's other concerning symptoms, like feelings of numbness, lack of energy, etc. If the antidepressants are the issue, it likely won't manifest as disinterest in romantic relationships and nothing else.

Hopefully this is helpful and gives you some direction, but feel free to ask if you have more questions or want more information on anything.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

#mental health #medical discussion cw

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efangamez · 3 months

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hi there! i just wanted to ask you something. i like how you advocate for disabled people and how you're so open about it online, so i thought you'd be a good person to ask. i have narcolepsy, and i wanna talk about it on the internet but i'm afraid. it's absolutely a disability, one that completely took over my life, but it's invisible. i don't look disabled even though narcolepsy affects every aspect of my life and keeps me from working a job and going to school in the same way others do. nobody understands it very well. heck, even i don't know much about it. i feel like my doctor just gave me the basics, prescribed medicine, then sent me on my way. most of my family members think it's insomnia, or that i'm just sleepy all the time, but it physically weakens my body to a painful degree. i also have hallucinations when i'm about to fall asleep, which aren't hallucinations in the same way someone who has schizophrenia has them- it's literally just dreaming while i'm still awake because my sleep cycles are happening during the day when i'm not asleep. personal hygene is hard, motivation is really low, and medicine is extremely expensive for me. i've heard some people say not to tell your employers what disability that you have, only that you're disabled and need some accomodations. maybe that's why i'm so timid about talking about it. i'm worried people will accuse me of making up my condition, or that people will accuse me of claiming to be disabled when i actually have a mental illness (which isn't true), or that people will just think i'm sleepy all the time and not actually get to know what i'm like. i'm worried that people will think i'm faking it because it's not easily visible. what should i do?

Hey there! Thanks so much for asking this, and endless love to you!

I have a very difficult to achieve answer, but one that has helped me. I do wanna say I'm not a mental health professional, and that my word isn't gospel whatsoever.

To me, it's being honest with yourself and others and advocating for yourself. How do you go about doing that? Well, it's declaring that you are disabled, no matter who says what about it. If you're disabled by something, that's it: you're disabled. No amount of shaming yourself or others shaming you will evade the truth. People may roll their eyes who have known you forever and try to say "it's not that bad", and then, if safe with them, you can bust out exactly WHAT has been ailing you. Now, again, only do this if YOU are comfy doing so; no one EVER needs to prove their disability to everyone, but the harsh reality is that many people that we love don't understand disability.

Next, is finding community or creating some yourself. Discord is a pretty solid starting place for those like myself with severe mental illness and some physical disabilities. If you have some in person friends who would be kind enough to take you to some disability advocacy orgs near you, you can do that too! Really, it starts with being able to SEE that you are not alone. I suffer from a severe form of OCD, and seeing that other people share my struggle has been...otherworldly helpful. If I could find some people to talk to about it, it would be even better!

The last piece of advice I'll give you is to learn to rest and love yourself. This is something I am struggling with right now. Due to traumas in my past, past mistakes, and current disabilities that make me feel "abhuman" (in my own words, at times), it creates this sort of spiraling cesspit of self-hatred and loathing that scrapes at my soul daily. But you know how I'm combatting that? Brushing my teeth. Cooking meals. Playing games from my childhood to heal my inner child, cleaning my room, and checking up with friends. Some days it feels like I would literally rather to perish than to get out of bed some days, but the fact that I do is a triumph, and if you're able, taking that leap is something I wish for you. Accountability buddies are AMAZING for this. These things, also, take a LONG time, and I have just started on my journey about a month ago. I've got a loooooonnnggg way to go.

This post is getting a bit long, but I'll leave with this: no matter your mistakes, no matter your disability, no matter what things you will do or not do, you deserve life. I hope that your life is filled with change, accountability, joy in the face of desperation and hopelessness, and gifts that will assist you in achieving the life YOU deserve. My DMs, as long as you're 18+, are open. <3

#ocd #disability #physical disability #mental illness

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natasha-in-space · 24 days

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Okay I understand, maybe you can do headcanon of RFA and Saeran with MC who look exactly like Rika, maybe same name

Well, this would be a very sensitive and complicated situation for everyone involved, really. Rika was an important person for everyone in the RFA, albeit in very different ways. Imagine mourning someone who has left such a big impact on your life, only to have someone who looks just like them show up one day. It'll be awkward and weird. To put it simply. Everyone is aware that this is not Rika, of course. It would be highly disrespectful to treat this newcomer like they are not a completely different person. I think everyone would be as respectful as can be. However, it would still be extremely uncomfortable for everyone involved.

The circumstances are what determine everything, though. If MC bonds with everyone the way you do in the game, I think all of the issues I'm about to mention would be lessened. That is, without interacting face to face. No one will care how you look, if they already know you as a person. But, if you're asking about their reactions to seeing someone who looks very similar to Rika, without having the opportunity to get to know them first, here's my interpretation.

I don't think Yoosung is going to be able to actually meet MC face to face for quite some time. Both for his own mental health, and because he knows he'll probably make them feel very uncomfortable. And he doesn't want that. But you can't really blame him for seeing his lost cousin every time he looks at them. It's an agonizing experience. He'll need to overcome his grief before actually starting to form a genuine connection with the MC. Out of everyone, he'll definitely have the hardest time of all. But, he'll do his best to be respectful and kind to MC nonetheless. He'll probably experience a lot of guilt over his inability to connect with them properly. But, with time and health communication, I believe he'll definitely pull through it and open himself up to this new relationship.

Zen would be more relaxed since Rika wasn't as essential to him as to some other members. Even so, for quite a long while, she remained a woman he deeply admired and trusted. It's a weird uncomfortable feeling to be met with the stark image of her. Still, he will be mostly respectful and welcoming. I think he's the most comfortable person to get along with out of everyone in this situation. I believe it will take him the least time to fully embrace MC as a new member. He'll probably be their rock of support in this very strange predicament. He understands what it's like to feel a certain way because of your looks. And he doesn't want their new member to feel that way. It’s actually rather sweet to think about him getting all protective and caring over MC in this situation!

Jaehee is... Well, she arguably grieved Rika the least out of the RFA, but that doesn't mean she'll feel any less weird about the whole ordeal. In my opinion, she will be mostly professional and polite in her demeanor. She won't make MC feel uncomfortable, but there is an obvious feeling of distance between them, and that's intentional on Jaehee's part. She might mellow out with time, though. But, for the time being, she'd prefer to keep the relationship strictly professional.

Jumin is pretty similar to Jaehee in terms of his overall attitude, but his situation is far more complicated. Rika was his closest friend after V. Although he doesn't show it in the same open manner as Yoosung does, his grief for her is deep and strong. He'll definitely feel very uncomfortable on the inside the first time he sees this MC. He'll dislike that feeling even more because he understands that this is not Rika, and he shouldn't compare the two. While Yoosung is struggling with the constant reminders of Rika whenever he looks at MC, Jumin will face more frustrations with himself and his own inner feelings. He doesn't like acting illogical. And realizing that he's losing the grip on his emotions is... hard for him. Mostly because it feels like he's not in control of himself. And that's something he can't have, for more than just one reason. I believe that, much like Jaehee, he will keep the relationship mostly professional. He will be polite and respectful towards MC, and he will do everything in his power to make sure that the party is successful and that their new member feels comfortable. But on the inside, he will definitely be having a very difficult time.

For Saeyoung it's... complicated, to say the least. Although he was much closer to V than Rika, their relationship was still very important. Ultimately, she was the one he first met back in the cathedral. As a scared, hungry boy, with no one to turn to. She's the one who cared for his brother, and she's the one he feels forever indebted to. That being said, I do not think it will be as difficult for him as it is for Yoosung and Jumin. But it will still be very uncomfortable. He'll find himself being less playful and more serious around MC, something he has done with Rika whenever she was in the chatroom. He'll probably berate himself for that, distracting himself with his job. In my opinion, he will warm up overtime. After getting to know MC as an individual person.

And for Saeran, well... It really depends on a lot of factors. But if we're talking about him just meeting MC who looks like Rika, it won't be pretty, and he will need to excuse himself to breathe for sure. It's fair to say that Rika is the source of the most trauma for him. It is nothing against MC, but you can't really do anything about your body and mind acting on their own accord to protect you. It really depends on which Saeran we're talking about, as well. SE Saeran will have the strongest reaction of all, while GE Saeran will most likely settle down with some time and space for him to sort through his emotions. With Saeran, it's a very similar situation to Yoosung, only in very different circumstances. Both will have the hardest time of all to avoid the visual similarities. But, while Yoosung it's the feelings of grief, for Saeran, it's the feelings of discomfort and fear. It is very much possible to work through those emotions with lots of time and patience, though.

That's the sentiment for all of them, really. It might be difficult at first, but, none of them would want to make MC uncomfortable. And all of them would come to appreciate and love them regardless.

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fortpeat · 1 year

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hello hello hello. i absolutely love your hot takes on prapaisky so today im here to drop one of mine and ask your opinion on the same. as much as i want sky to seek help from the right person, go to therapy and start his healing journey (of course prapai has already helped in that quarter but i see most people want to SEE sky go to therapy), i personally think he's too stubborn to do just that and i don't mean this in a bad way. everyone has their coping mechanism and we know sky doesn't have the healthiest one but something about sky seeking professional help just doesn't sit right with me. i feel that apart from being extremely stubborn, he's also incredibly smart and terribly shy. stubborn because he will refuse therapy, smart because he knows how to deal with his trauma and exactly what needs to be done to heal (part of it includes climbing into prapai every chance he gets and clinging to prapai for the rest of their lives, among other things- and we know both of them absolutely love it), and shy because well that's pretty self explanatory. he has been dealing with it on his own all this time and he may have developed a few too many unhealthy habits but that's beside the point. now, considering how difficult it was for sky to open up to prapai in the first place (and for good reason), and just how much time it took for him to trust prapai, i don't think sky is the kind person who would want to discuss his trauma with just about anyone, it doesn't matter if the other person is a professional psychiatrist/psychologist with fifty degrees and what not. he did it with prapai because prapai proved to him just how much he loves and accepts sky for who he is. prapai has EARNED that privilege (yes it IS a privilege). it's PRAPAI!!!!! so i don't think sky will ever be enthusiastic about going to therapy. yes maybe it's not fair to prapai if sky decides to only rely on prapai. yes it's not fair to sky himself, it's not fair to their relationship but again that's beside the point. that's just the kind of person sky is. of course i could be wrong with my character analysis and i would really really want sky to go to therapy if it helps but idk this is my two cents or whatever ahhhhh im so sorry for the dump i just have too many ~thoughts~

Hey Nonnie ❤️☺️

So first things first sorry for the late reply. It was pretty late when I received this and I was so sleepy and I knew I wouldn't be able to answer it properly and you my dear who wrote this beautiful analysis deserves my full attention. So it's morning here btw I had to sleep on it coz the answer is pretty serious.

Ok do I want Sky to get therapy. Yes I absolutely do because I believe it would do him really good. But do I think he will go. Not really. But if we had a Lita S2 and they showed Sky in therapy I would be a very happy soul.

Now why I don't think Sky would go to therapy. I am Asian and in our culture Therapy and anything mental health related is considered a taboo. We are seen as weak for choosing to go to a professional to seek help. (Bunch of BS). And this is one factor. Another is just like you said Sky can be pretty stubborn and I believe by now he has developed some habits/techniques to help him with his trauma and sometimes for some people that's more than enough and it's what they choose to be comfortable with. Sky is someone who has major trust issues and like you said Sky won't trust a random person out of the blue to open up about his past. It took so much time and effort for Prapai to have Sky trust him and that is okay coz Sky can take as much time as he wants coz this is his story and he gets to decide when and where to tell Prapai. Rain whom he knew longer didn't even know about Sky's past until that awful night. And that's okay as well. Sky don't owe anyone anything. It's upto Sky to choose how he handles his trauma coz only he knows what he has been through and how much pain he has suffered. So if he believes that being with Prapai and being loved and cared for by him is enough to heal then we should respect that. And forcing him to go to therapy will only backfire and make him close himself off and we know Prapai would never force Sky to do anything that he doesn't want to. And if Sky decides that yes all he needs to move on and heal is time and his Prapai then Prapai will gladly be there for him no matter what. In fact Prapai would consider it as a privilege that Sky trusts him enough to accept Prapai's unwavering support.

Why I want Sky to be shown in therapy. Like I said mental health related issues are still considered a taboo in many places. So this could be a very good representation to show that going to therapy and seeking help is never a sign of weakness and that if you think you need help to be better then you should do so without the fear of being judged or alienated.

#love in the air #prapaisky #prapai x sky #asks are always appreciated

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jimothystu · 2 years

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Happy Monday Mashup!! How do you feel about the song What About Us by P!nk?

Thank you Lauren!! :)

This would definitely be written as an angsty fic. I'm feeling maybe Auston Matthews??

The fic would start off seemingly light and fluffy, but there would be something amiss.

We are searchlights, we can see in the dark / We are rockets, pointed up at the stars / We are billions of beautiful hearts / And you sold us down the river too far

You and Auston would have been so high, emotionally. So full of life, so full of love. He was at the peak of his career and you two were just having fun; exploring the cities he had games in together, being a "power couple" on social media, partying with the other Leafs. Just having a great time. But it began to become too much. The attention, the constant high energy, the always moving around. It was just becoming too much for you.

What about us? / What about all the times you said you had the answers? // What about us? / What about all the broken happy ever afters? // What about us? / What about all the plans that ended in disaster? // What about love? What about trust? / What about us?

Things would start to go wrong. You and Auston would bicker about seemingly small things. You'd go out less. Post about one another less. You'd just be less present with one another. It was no one's fault, really. The pressure of everything would get to you both - for you, being the perfect partner to the Auston Matthews, figuring out your own life dreams and goals while following him around for his; and for him, being the face of the Toronto Maple Leafs, trying to bring the team to victory one game at a time. It was just too much, and it would result in your relationship crumbling.

We are problems that want to be solved / We are children that need to be loved / We were willing, we came when you called / But man, you fooled us, enough is enough, oh

There'd be so many problems to solve - personal, professional, and relationship-wise. So many issues to try and sift through. And you'd both just want to be loved. You both just wanted to fall back in to the life you had without a care in the world; without all the pressure and the problems. You'd try taking a break. It would be a mutual decision, but that wouldn't mean it would hurt any less, for either of you. Auston's game would suffer because of it, and your mental health would begin to dwindle. You two needed each other, despite the bickering, despite the need to sort through all the pressure and the expectations. Despite everything, you two needed each other.

Sticks and stones, they may break these bones / But then I'll be ready, are you ready? / It's the start of us, waking up, come on / Are you ready? I'll be ready / I don't want control, I want to let go / Are you ready? I'll be ready / 'Cause now it's time to let them know we are ready / What about us?

Auston would go to your place, unannounced. He'd have an off-day, technically, but he had it set in his mind to go find you even if he had a game an hour after he arrived. He'd have flowers, and would be dressed in one of his finest suits. And when you opened the door, he'd begin to ramble. "I love you," he'd rush out before you could close the door. (Not that you were going to, but he'd be afraid you would). You ushered him inside before letting him continue. He'd try to speak again, but you'd just hold up your hand and crash into him the second the door was shut. He'd hold you, and for a moment, you two would just stand there, an indescribable relief washing over you both at the feeling of being in each others' arms again. When you both pulled away, you'd have tears in your eyes and you'd ask him what he was doing there.

"Y/N, I love you so much. I've felt physically sick since the day we decided to take a break. I haven't felt like myself at all. I need you. Everything that we've been struggling with, it might have taken its toll, but I know we can get through it. Together." He'd cup your cheek, thumb gentle caressing your cheekbone as he stared into your eyes, tears welled up in his. "I'm ready to try again. To fight harder for this. For us. Being this" - he'd gesture to the two of you with his free hand - "is worth fighting for. It's worth anything."

Your tears would be falling, then. You'd nod quickly and mutter out an agreement. Your head would be too full of thoughts and emotions to form a full sentence.

Auston would step back, frowning suddenly. He'd hand you the flowers and would fumble with the button that closed his suit jacket. "Do you love me?" he'd ask, brown eyes bright with unshed tears. "Of course, I do," you'd tell him, "I love you more than anything."

And with that, he'd fall to one knee and he'd pull out a small box from his inner jacket pocket. Before he even opened it and asked the question, you'd be on your knees, too, repeating a single word: yes.

Tag list: @donttelltheelff @zackcollins @gurrieljr @cuttergauth @lam-ila

#didn't plan to write nearly a whole fic that made me emotional at 8am but here we are lmao #auston matthews x reader #auston matthews x gn reader #nhl x reader #nhl imagine

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alostlittleriverlotus · 11 months

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I HATE that I am perceived as a functioning person/adult. I hate that everyone just assumes I am "normal" and able bodied and able minded. I don't mean strangers, I mean doctors and my parents and other people in my life.

I tried opening up to my therapist that I can't work. She said "it's not that you can't, it's that you don't want to." And then went on a patronizing rant like "nobody WANTS to work" and then I dropped that therapist.

Like I tried to make it clear I couldn't. I can't because of shut down, trauma, physical issues. Nobody takes me seriously. For months after that, my mom pushed that we just needed to find the right therapist and get me help.

Even if this was something that could change, it would take such a long time to see any change. I can't even find a therapist that doesn't make me wanna cry or feel small or feel like I'm faking. I can't even find someone that actually listens to me and doesn't see me as someone not even trying to be better. My psychiatrist literally painted me as a self centered entitled brat that thought no one cared about me cause of one fight me and my parents had and then shamed me for not being like my peers and being in college or working a job. And even when I was crying, he pushed on then just said "bye (deadname)" as if he didn't just leave me sobbing and feeling awful. He also ignored my autistic traits because my mom said she didn't notice anything. My parents say to this day they didn't know I had sleeping problems even though at 10 I started having them and they knew, oh they fucking knew alright.

I have had maybe ONE good therapist. But the thing was she was much older and way too much energy. It was exhausting to talk to her and sometimes explaining gen z stuff was like teaching a grandparent about the internet. And my last therapist was the first one that I used my name and pronouns with. And immediately she wanted to dive into my gender identity. I don't go to therapy to explain how I identify, I go to get some actual help. And when I described a situation as "humiliating" she brought out the patronizing condescending tone of "use another word cause it wasn't REALLY humiliating, was it?"

Yes. It was. I'm a narcissist. That was humiliating. It doesn't matter the reality, that is MY reality. Denying the humiliation doesn't make it stop, it just guilts me about feeling humiliated.

Like the reason I am functional is from tools my one good therapist gave me for coping with my anxiety (and paranoia/night anxiety and my delusions of the shadow man I used to have) and then stuff I learned from people online and in mental health communities.

I fucking hate therapists and psychiatrists. Until there is some mental health service overhaul, I am not gonna seek help because all it did was give me stuff to cry about and make me feel weak and broken and wrong for existing. All it did was give me bad memories.

I could go on. I oddly enough have a lot to say about the four therapists and the one psychiatrist I had. But all they fucking did was traumatize me when it comes to mental health treatment. I hate the American mental health system, I hate how hard it is to find a good professional, I hate how hard it is to get diagnosed or believed. I hate appearing as functioning because nobody believes me. Everyone in my life, starting with my family, expects me to be normal and functional. I, for years, thought it could never happen to me cause I was the "normal" one. Any mention of a disorder I ticked off for and should ask about, I went "but that can't be me. That's for people who actually have problems." No. I am the one with problems. I am the one with pain. I am the one with trauma. I am the one that shuts down. I am the one with needs. I am the one that loses their speech. I am the one with these disorders. I am the narcissistic one. I am the histrionic one. I am the avoidant one. I am the antisocial one. I am the borderline one. I am the schizoid one. I am the one fatigued. I am the one that needs help. I am the one that needs walking aids. I am the one that needs these accommodations.

The disability community has helped me feel so fucking seen. I always believed I was able bodied, but no. I literally saw my friends and felt jealous they had knee braces and stuff to help their pain. Because I didn't get that. I lived walking with pain and dealing with pain and believing it was a fault with myself for not exercising enough. I am angry that I refused to even let myself think I could possibly be disabled because "that couldn't be me." Not in an impossible I'm invulnerable way, but because I believed I didn't deserve help. I literally still feel guilt over needing accommodations even though it literally hurts to walk. I hate how ingrained in me this is. I hate that I get overlooked because I appear like an able bodied neurotypical person that can function in this stupid world. I resent my parents for ignoring me and not actually helping me.

I have so much in me and I am ANGRY about it. I am angry about my mistreatment. I am angry that I had to feel "jealous" over people that got accommodations while I was forced to push through because I was made to believe I didn't need them. Yes I need them. Yes I'm disabled. Yes I'm disordered. Yes I am neurodivergent. I am mentally and physically disabled and I'm not gonna shut the fuck up about it cause I was neglected for years and believed I just had to be stronger.

I am furious about the way my family and professionals around me ignored anything. I am furious about the way every adult in my life fucking failed me. I am furious about the fact I was always under expectations that I could never meet.

So I'm gonna sit here and be disabled and care for myself and not shame myself cause fuck I am allowed to live and care for myself until I can get help from actual good professionals that will listen to me and believe me. I am so sick of it being chopped up to my weight. I don't give a shit if I lose weight or not, I just want help for the pain that has only gotten worse since I was fucking 5. I want help for my sleep problems. I want to be able to be cared for. I want people to actually help me when I need it instead of forcing me into a short lived survival mode because I'm expected to function. I'm unmasking and I'm not fucking looking back. I lived so long in misery and self hatred and self blame. When I move out, I'm getting my fucking accommodations. These compression socks I got already help me a lot. I can't wait to get more accessibility accommodations and actually get myself some fucking help so I don't want to wear myself out each day with just being fucking alive. Fuck. Ableism.

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lulubelle814 · 6 months

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Just Dizziness - Chapter 30

Together, we sifted through several recommendations sent over from not only Luke but ones provided by Dr. Shepherd as well. Tom had a great idea to see if there were any crossovers from the lists which narrowed it down considerably. That gave us 4 names to continue looking at to see if one stood out among the others. We knew we had previously seen Dr. Day but wanted to start fresh with someone new.

“Oh, this one went to Oxford. She’s obviously out,” he said as he tossed that one off to the side.

“Oi! Just because you're a Cambridge boy doesn’t mean you get to be a snob about this. It says right here that she’s had massive success helping people in my position, is highly rated, and even does house calls in some circumstances.”

Tom put on a pouty face which fell away quickly. “You’re right, dear. I shouldn’t let my school rivalry get in the way of your recovery.” Placing a quick kiss to my temple, he moved on to another candidate.

“You know what, I think I quite like the idea of a female therapist. Just something about it feels safer, easier.”

“I say we go with your gut. The therapist will be helping you more than anything, and we want to make sure you’re comfortable.” Tom looked through the candidates and removed the men, leaving only two, the lady with the Oxford credentials and another one we hadn’t had a chance to look at. Picking up the info sheets, something about her felt right. She has an office and uses it for those who prefer a professional setting but also meets at people’s homes and alternate locations as needed for appointments with trauma and recovery, works pro-bono with battered women’s shelters, fantastic feedback from past patients, and a degree from…….

“Look, love. She went to Cambridge!”

Pursing my lips, I wanted to select the other therapist just to spite him, but my intuition said this person was the one for me; however, nothing said I couldn’t mess with him first.

“I don’t know, hon. I hear Cambridge is kind of chancy with things like this. Finding you was one in a million, and I feel incredibly lucky, but I don’t think lightning strikes twice. Maybe we should go with Oxford? They are listed as one of the top programs for psychology.”

The look of shock on his face was priceless. How dare anyone insult his alma mater! I let him stew for a moment before dissolving into laughter. “I’m just messing with you, love! Cambridge here actually feels like the better fit. I can’t really explain it, but she’s the one. Oxford has all the right credentials as well, but there’s just something about Cambridge.”

Pulling out his phone, Tom looked at the info sheet for the number. “Would you like me to schedule an appointment? Or we can wait if you’d like to think about it?” “Probably better to go ahead and schedule rather than put it off.”

“Let's do it.” Inputting the number, he called. It rang two or three times before someone picked up. “Good afternoon! Yes, my wife and I would like to make an appointment with Dr. Natalie Bertram, please.”

Gripping his hand, I listened in as he answered their questions. “That would be perfect. Thank you very much.” Hanging up the phone, he turned to me. “They had a cancellation and have an opening in 2 days in the afternoon. She’ll meet us here at the house for the initial visit and then take it from there. Her office will be emailing us the paperwork shortly to fill out and send back to them which I can take care of if you’d like?”

“I can help with the paperwork. You’ve done so much already.”

“I am beyond happy to help and take care of you. We’re a team, partners. How about we tag team it then?”

“Sounds great!”

Sure enough, the paperwork came in about 20 minutes later. With both of us working on it, it took roughly an hour to get it all filled out and sent back. While he worked on the standard insurance forms, I started on the mental health and history questionnaires. Once he finished the insurance forms, we worked on the questionnaires together. By the time we finished, we were both famished and ordered Chinese take away.

The following morning, Tom called a company Luke recommended to him about coming to fix the garden fencing. It was pure luck that they had someone nearby who had some time between projects and arrived roughly thirty minutes later. He introduced himself as Keith and took a look at the back fencing Tom showed him as well as the other sections and the side gate.

"Fixing those parts of the fence by the gate you showed me is definitely not a problem. We can have someone over early next week.”

With that all set up, we looked at options to have a dog door installed, whether to have one built into the wall or simply have one placed into the sliding glass door.

“Well, that seems like an easy one. It seems to be better to have one placed into the door. Plus they have all sorts of techy ones so that only Bobbers can get in and out and none of those stray cats that like to antagonize him that I’ve seen.” Tom quickly agreed.

We spent the evening looking at various options, eating take away, and watching telly.

I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, confused again. Unable to help myself, I began to shake and cry. As if sensing it, he woke up as well, embracing me from behind. I leaned into him, turning to face him and bury my head in the crook of his neck.

He tried to ask if I wanted to talk about it, but words escaped me. So he rocked me back and forth, cooing in my ear that everything would be okay.

It was a while before I was able to calm down. "Would you like some tea?" I nodded, and he left. Bobby wasted no time in taking his place. When he returned a few minutes later, Bobby refused to move, but once I finished my tea, I moved him to the other side so he could be the tiny spoon, me the middle spoon, and Tom the big spoon. Although Tom fell asleep shortly after, sleep didn't come so easily to me, and I wasn't sure I wanted it to.

Chapter 31

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