aspecpplarebeautiful
A-Spec People are Beautiful
All a-spec people are beautiful. That's just how it is. I don't make the rules.
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hi
i鈥檓 ace and biromantic
this is a small vent / request for advice
my friend and i have been friends since last september. we message all the time and have classes together. i鈥檝e had a romantic crush on him for ages, at least a year and a half. i told him i USED to like him back in november, and he was chill about it. should i ever tell him that i still like him ? i kind of want to but . . he鈥檚 helped me through a queerplatonic breakup, we talk about people who we think are pretty, he asks me for advice on how he should act around a potential future girlfriend. he will probably never see me in a romantic way or be attracted to me on any level, and i鈥檓 worried it would make things awkward and i鈥檇 lose on of my best friends. on the other hand, i feel like i鈥檓 hiding this big secret from him :/
what should i do ?
only answer this if you want, it鈥檚 perfectly fine if not, i鈥檓 sorry to bother but i鈥檓 just concerned.
please remember to drink water and take rests when you need to <3
There isn't really a wrong choice here, except of course what may feel right or wrong for you. There's a lot of good reasons why people choose to tell someone when they have a crush, maybe they really want the relationship to be romantic, and the chance that might happen is worth the risk to them; sometimes people like to clear; some people find they have an easier time moving on if they tell the other person and talk it out (to give a few common reasons).
There's also a lot of good reasons not to. Maybe someone really likes the current relationship and doesn't want to risk it; maybe despite the crush, they prefer not to date them and telling them would likely just be awkward/complicated/confusing; maybe they feel there isn't much of a chance and telling them would just complicate things (again just to give a few common examples).
So all that's to say if it's important for you to tell him for whatever reason, you can. It may help to take a bit of time to think about what you want to gain from telling him. For example, do you just want him to know? Do you want to know his feelings for you? Is it to help you move on?
On the other side of things, if don't want to tell him it is absolutely OK not to tell him. Who you're crushing on isn't information you have to share, even with the person you're crushing on. It's personal, and it's up to you to decide what you share or don't.
This is a lot of words to say do what feels right for you, and don't feel bad for you choice.
Hopefully this is helpful. All the best, Anon!
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This is in response to the last anon鈥檚 question:
I feel really similarly. A part of me fantasizes that people I talk to have a crush on me or that I could do romantic things with them. But in real life when situations occur that I think someone might be into me, I feel so uncomfortable.
My personal opinion is that since romance is so baked into our culture, it鈥檚 easy to kept swept up in tropes and ideas of what things are supposed to happen when you鈥檙e in your 20s. To me although the line is sometimes blurry, mentally separating what I really want and what I imagine has helped me come to terms with it all.
I hope at least you don鈥檛 feel alone in feeling like this! I think it鈥檚 more common than people realize!
.
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Hello! If you don't mind, this is half a vent and half an ask both to you and to your followers who have had some experience?
I feel like I want certain aspects of a romantic relationship, the idea of having someone "special" is very appealing. Especially since I find myself falling in the trap of romance tropes, and I really do feel that I want to find that one person who I'd feel safe being physically close with, and not just because I turn my brain off to suffer through it but to actually enjoy it.
I know that I'm rather attracted to men, in theory at least, but whenever there's even remotely a thought in my brain that a polite conversation may turn into something more I get nervous, kinda in a bad way. I feel like I want to put a barrier in and I'm afraid they'll be reading into my behaviour too much. It makes me feel as if I like to play pretend in my head but I'm too much of a coward when real life gets involved.
I've been identifying as ace for years now, and I just turned 24. No experience in the dating department, I've been slowly making my way to accepting being at least arospec as well, possibly just aro, but for some reason it's been so much harder for me. Asexuality just clicked. This I think I may be fighting because the idea of a relationship seems too nice to give up and I've already had a bad experience with an extremely undernegotiated QPR (ended quickly but left a bitter taste nevertheless).
I just wish I could not think about it? But I also feel like the societal expectations of romantic attraction are much more pressing than sexual one. I don't want to lead anyone on, and I don't want to feel this little bit of dread whenever I have a conversation with a guy who I know doesn't have a girlfriend. That's another sign of being aro, right? Being able to be comfortable only when the possibility of the other party wanting you romantically is non-existent.
Sorry for this being so long. Thank you for listening, either way.
Romance definitely has a hard to explain quality to it, and I think that can make it questioning if you're aro especially tricky. It is possible that anxiety you're feeling when a situation could turn romantic is a form of repulsion. It's not uncommon for romance repulsion to feel more like anxiety or nervousness, and for people feel like wanting to go and hide. Alloromantic people can be nervous too sometimes, but it usually comes with a feeling of anticipation and still being drawn to the other person. Or they will usually have either trouble with anxiety in other areas, or issues with romance (romance related trauma for example). Sometimes it can be tricky to know exactly what it is, but if the stuff below doesn't sound like you at all, than repulsion is a likely explanation.
The other thing I would point is that fully alloromantic people often have people in real life they are experience a romantic pull towards, who they really want to be in a romantic relationship with. And if you're not experiencing that, that could also be a strong sign of being aromantic.
Being aromantic, and even romance repulsed, if you are, does not mean you can't have a very important person in your life. I know you mentioned a QPR that didn't go well, and it's up to you if that's something you ever want to try again, but even if you don't. remember that deep bonds can come in all forms of relationships. All types of relationships, including friendships, familial relationships, etc. have the potential to be very special of very deep if you end up connecting to someone in the right way. So whatever path you choose to take, don't feel like this isn't possible.
I'll throw this out followers too if anyone wants to share their own thoughts or advice.
All the best, Anon! Good luck!
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There's no such things as more or less aro, everyone on the aro spectrum is equally aro.
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Being asexual doesn't make you a child or child-like. If you are an adult you deserve to be treated like an adult.
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lesbian | gay
bi | trans
Igbtq | pan
ace | aro
nonbinary | queer
Inspired by this post by @theprideful
If you save any please reblog!!
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Changing or adjusting your labels is a normal part of questioning. It's OK to not stick with a label. It's OK to try on a label you're not sure about and see how it feels.
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Todd and Maude art!
I love these two so much. I also love their ace representation so I had to draw them! I wish I could鈥檝e seen more of them.
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I鈥檓 on the aro spectrum but very romance favorable and enjoy it a lot when I do feel romantic attraction. I recently broke up with the one person I鈥檇 ever been in love with (I鈥檓 26), and I鈥檓 worried it might be a really long time until I get to feel that again, or that I might never feel it again. I鈥檓 also acespec and sex averse so it鈥檚 hard to date and find relationships, and I have only ever had strong romantic feelings for other women, which makes things harder too. Idk sometimes it makes me wish I had crushes more often or liked sex so that I had a better chance of falling in love again and having a relationship with the person. I鈥檝e made a lot of progress on accepting myself for being aroace-spec but that part is still hard.
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time, Anon. It is hard. Things may align again one day for you to find another relationship, or they may not, but either way it's OK to mourn the relationship you had and the feelings you had.
Take care, Anon.
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Woodpigeon Wednesday? Woodpigeon Wednesday.
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Romance doesn't have to be a commitment. A romance can be casual, it can be short, it can be a fling. You decide the parameters of your own relationships.
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You can change labels as often as you want or feel you need to. Labels aren't written in stone, you can do whatever feels right for you.
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You don't have to be an expert in the entire ace or aro spectrums to use ace or aro labels. All that you need is to find whatever label you're personally using to be useful.
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im aro btw
BEAUTIFUL commission to help me come out from @wizisbored! everyone should commission him, hes so wonderful and has an insane turnaround
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