#so i was playing it desperately trying to protect him from all these garbage boys | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

auniverseforgotten · 2 months

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Starting out with a predictable character for the ship ask: how about any and/or all of your fave Salieri ships, go buck wild, get unhinged, feed the brainrot~ uwu

-cracks knuckles- it's time....so unless i hit some kinda post limit this is all gonna be one,,,fucking enormous post so when you hit that read more I JUST WANT YOU TO BE PREPARED there are like...five ships here LMAO

FIRST UP WE HAVE Mozart/Salieri, the first big brainrot I had for them thanks ENTIRELY TO YOU WOLFIE, who showed me these two before I even played fgo and went -will smith presenting hands- and now i am the same

So generally love this ship because holy/divine and what must end the holy/divine, so in love and in hate for them that they Cannot be normal, and then when i played through Russia...when I PLAYED THROUGH RUSSIA....god you can fit so much fucking yearning in this bitch

who’s the cuddler:

Gonna say both! Mozart very clearly enjoys attention and likes when all of it is on him. You know that bird meme, I do not like when we are not about me? yeah that's him that's Mozart who else would it be. So he's pressed up against Salieri as often as possible, which Salieri allows, but when he tries to get Spicy in public [like grabbing his ass-] he's gonna get pushed away like nope you're in timeout now.

And Salieri shocks everyone by being a cuddly, hugging person. Mozart about has a heart attack the first time it happens, he rolls up trying to be annoying like "Swee~eetiieeee~ can I have a huuu~uuuug~~" and then. Salieri hauls him in and hugs him and he blue screens. Salieri is def very touch starved, and while Mozart gets some platonic touching he kinda is too? Especially after Russia my god do not get me started on the mess these two are after Russia I have a WHOLE FIC IN THE WORK ABOUT IT IT IS 7,692 WORDS AND IT'S NOT EVEN HALF DONE HELP ME HELP ME-

Anyway if you [like I did] summon Salieri early through like Chaldea Boys and they got together pre lostbelt 1, Salieri would seem unusually affectionate because he Knows what happens, whereas Mozart is like "omg!! the affection i Deserve!! Finally!!" but then after...after Salieri seems desperately affectionate, like he's trying to hold Mozart together with touch and affection alone, and Mozart...well. That fic will be done eventually :) though I'm also not as nice in it LMAO so Mozart does NOT get what he's craving.

who makes the bed:

Salieri, I cannot stress enough how little Mozart cares about keeping spaces clean. He might? Keep his own desk clean so he knows where his compositions are, and the piano ofc is spotless, but aside from that- he would be living in garbage if Salieri didn't h a t e clutter and garbage. Called babe over for a date but now he's deepcleaning my room what do I do-

who wakes up first:

Multifacet answer. Usually Mozart, and then he'll cuddle up to Salieri and just...enjoy the softness. But also Saliei does not always go to sleep so sometimes Mozart will get up and oops babe clearly NEVER WENT TO BED time to fix that.

And then after Russia...thee are a lot more painful memories, after that. Mozart becomes the one who doesn't sleep, Salieri tries to reason, beg, bribe, coax him to sleep but...it's hard for him. The easiest way to get him to sleep is for Salieri to play the piano for him, which is actually good at helping Salieri process some of his internal shit too.

who has the weird taste in music:

Salieri has a wide musical palate but Mozart looks up the oddest word combinations he can think of to throw at Salieri. Unfortunately for Mozart this usually backfires and Salieri finds them interesting so now he has to listen to music he may or may not like-

who is more protective:

OH BOY

So everyone assumes it's Salieri, and don't get me wrong: he is MASSIVELY overprotective of Mozart. He starts out normal prior to them getting together, because he wants to kill Mozart sure but he will also kill anything that wants to kill Mozart because he fucking adores him okay? OKAY??? So riders especially, but also anyone who says something along the lines of "wow you're so annoying I wish Ritsuka would break ur contract" had better start running because he is COMING.

And then once they're together he gets. Much more protective because he is dealing with the Main in Grey but also now he isn't just Mozart he is Mozart his beloved partner. AND If we're operating in my AU w/Russia, man. MAN. HE IS. SO PROTECTIVE.

MEANWHILE Mozart is also really protective over Salieri as well. Physically he can't do much and honestly he's okay with that, he knows Salieri can handle that. But if he hears any rumor about Salieri that paints him in even a minorly negative light, he is Immediately deploying his informants [Shakespeare, child servants] to figure out who started it, who has been spreading it, and he will RAISE HELL. Also anyone who looks at their relationship and talks about the whole wanting to kill thing...that's his business, not theirs, and he'll make it known.

who sings in the shower:

Both of them, though Salieri may be a little more hesitant to do so. But Mozart can usually convince him or competition him into doing it.

who cries during movies:

I feel like I could see Salieri tearing up about movies with a protagonist who, through no fault of their own OR through their own GOOD! intentions became evil/hated because god yeah it hits too close to home, but he doesn't full on cry.

Mozart meanwhile I think he has very funny reactions to movies. Tender but cheesy 'I love you' scene in a romance? Outright cackles. Sad death? Critically analyzing it lik e"okay but could that happen I mean-"

He's fun to watch movies with if you want to hear someone tear something to shreds. The only movies he doesn't do that with are ones Salieri gets like [above] about.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Okay listen. Salieri has objectively more expensive taste and may spend more, but Mozart historically canNOT handle his money so if he goes out on his own and 'steals' Saleriei's credit card the bill will not be as big as one of Salieri's but it's still like YOU SPENT $500 ON ONE DECORATIVE PLANT?? Alsoooo if he goes shopping without Salieri he inevitably calls him like heeey babe I accidentally <3 spent $1000 <3 I need money <3 <3 and without fail Salieri will come and bail him out.

Yes some other servants joke about Mozart being his sugar baby and Mozart finds this HILARIOUS but he tells Salieri and he has a massive fucking spiral that scares the shit out of Mozart and he never repeats it again.

[The spiral is because sugaring is often cast in a more predatory/taking advantage of light, and he...cannot handle that.]

who kisses more roughly:

So I fully think it's Salieri because he is a BITEY MOTHERFUCKER however I do also think he has so much general guilt and religious shame [yoinking from raised as a christian LMAO] about things like physical affection and what is and isn't 'right' affection, so like Mozart. Has to haul it out of him. Luckily he enjoys this process very very much <3 and then once it IS out my god,,,the bitemarks,,,love is the teeth and the neck willingly given INDEED

who is more domineering:

Kinda thinking Mozart mostly because we have seen him twist situations around to solely suit himself, and I can see him doing the same here. Salieri might be Physically more domineering once it's hauled out but overall,,,Mozart.

my rating of the ship from 1-10:

I will never be normal again/10

OKAY and we're at the first of the polyships, Mozart/Marie/Salieri! This one is, once again, all your fault Wolfie <3 but while I'm kinda meh about the whole "oh Marie makes Salieri docile" I also think Marie deserves a harem <3 <3 so really the ship we're DISCUSSING is this one but Marie also has d'Eon and Sanson as well, she's the center of a huge polycule do you see my vision do you understand me

ANYWAY while a lot of people in Chaldea think this is a "oh Marie and her two silly boys" or "Mozart and Salieri want to be together but have to have Marie buffer" that is not the case! They both just really deeply adore her, and Marie adores them too. My answers will prob be shorter here bcus adding Marie doesn't really change the overall dynamic a ton.

who’s the cuddler:

Once again, all of them!! Salieri is a surprisingly huggy, touchy person, and Mozart wants all attention always. BUT Mozart does put aside literally all his selfishness for Marie, so he is a little more mellower about that in this ship. Though he does sorta get like...touchy about Salieri like why aren't you giving Maria all the attention in the world and he has to sit him down like Mozart I love you but you do not tell me how to love people

AND MARIE HERSELF. SHE LOVES EVERYONE SO MUCH ALWAYS. ALL THE HUGS ALL THE KISSES ALL THE LOVE. She is never without a person on her arm, the person just changes XD

who makes the bed:

Still Salieri, Mozart dgaf even with Marie and while I think Marie would I also...don't think she would do it Right because lbr irl Marie Antoinette was incredibly privileged and she 110% had servants for things like this and while Salieri appreciates her trying to do chores I feel like she just makes it worse on accident sdzfgh

who wakes up first:

Toss up between Salieri or Mozart, esp after Russia [AND OH MAN IS THAT HARD FOR MARIE esp if they're together before and then after...both of her partners have just irrevocably changed and no one will tell her WHY or how she can HELP], Marie is def a sleep until noon person if she manages it.

who has the weird taste in music:

Salieri still has a wide palate, Mozart still looks up what he thinks is the weirdest stuff possible, but Marie goes through so many idol phases. Like you know how a lot of pop groups will start all soft and sweet and then just. Evolve? Marie starts wanting all these soft songs so ofc they write them for her but then she'll be like "okay this week i'm bad!! >:3 fuck!!! >>:3 i'm so sorry for swearing-" and they'll switch up her idol vibe.

who is more protective:

Salieri is the most physically protective. His level of protectiveness over Mozart doesn't change, but he becomes very protective over Marie as well. After dating her he has to take time to like. Think about Sanson and rationalize that because you KILLED HER but also Marie loves him too so it takes time for him. To relax around him. But he does! He'll still throw anyone into a wall who insults either of them though.

Mozart is still fiercely protective over Salieri but also with Marie...he knows she can somewhat defend herself, but she's not as adept at it as Salieri is so he gets Physically protective over her too. Has started fights he has no hope of winning and either wakes up in the infirmary or one of Marie's other partners rolls up to back him [if it's Salieri we get a nice -gently bandaging him- "what the FUCK is your problem you can't keep DOING this-"]

AND MARIE. Marie...was a queen. Marie...knows the power that lies in words and regal bearing. Someone will call Salieri a mindless death machine, or Mozart a useless layabout, and then Marie will go and have tea with the kings and queens and mention it in the most "oh bless their hearts" way and then that person...is so unbelievably fucked.

who sings in the shower:

Marie is the most enthusiastic about it!! Since she wants to be an idol she is Always singing, and shower acoustics are scientifically proven to be so good for certain notes and when you find those notes it's very cool so she'll be singing in the shower f o r e v e r

who cries during movies:

Marie all the way she will be BAWLING in animal movies, romance, romcoms, animated movies, music movies, she is SO EMOTIONAL AND SO MOVED she loves everyone and she just has to show her emotion through TEARS

Salieri actually doesn't watch movies much with her because of it because it upsets him/the Man in Grey to the point where he wants to attack someone to make her feel better but it's not That kind of tears so he has to just not be in the situation

who spends the most while out shopping:

Salieri still spends the most in terms of Amount, though he only ever spends his own money. But given Mozart in life and. The sheer fucking excess french royalty enjoyed. Yeah he's footing the bill for both of them LMAO the sugar daddy comments do NOT stop and they really eat at him so Marie puts her foot down hard and tells anyone that if she hears them again she'll make their life a living hell and then leave like "if you tell anyone no one will ever believe yooouuu~ <3"

who kisses more roughly:

Salieri and Mozart retain their same level of roughness with each other but are all but worshipful with Marie, she is a Queen, their Queen, and they just. Can't. And honestly I don't really see Marie enjoying roughness that much?? So she's fine with it, though she makes sure to reassure them that it's valid and what they do with each other is fully okay w her, she's not Against roughness just doesn't love it herself.

who is more domineering:

Again not really Marie's thing but she also doesn't mind when her other lovers get domineering with each other. IF she was into it though she does have. Literally everyone wrapped around her fingers so <3

my rating of the ship from 1-10:

Iiii'd say about a 6.5/10? It's still a good ship but also Marie just isn't very developed? But given we do have Marie alter now I imagine I'll reconsider once she's out in NA.

AAAAND SECOND POLYSHIP, Salieri/Jalter/Dantes, which I first got into shipping when I saw this art by Sabu a while back: clicky, and they've just been marinating in my brain since?

Like it's both because I love all of them but also I think having each other...would mellow them out [but not change their characters lmao] and also avengers,,,,loving avengers,,,,gotta be my fave dynamic

who’s the cuddler:

Here it's deeeefinitely Salieri. While Dantes is. So absolutely 100% touchstarved once he's got physical affection I'm not sure how much he vibes with it? Like at first it's like. Wow I wanted this forever...but stop touching me right now please. And he adjusts but he's still not super touchy?? At least imo. But he's 100% okay to be cuddled unless it gets to be too much, in which case he explains that and the others back off. He does enjoy throwing his arm around their shoulders or having a hand on their hip, just full on cuddles can be overwhelming.

And Jalter...Jalter is SO touch starved but she also REALLY WANTS physical affection but she cannot ask for it, she can't, ask for physical affection??? No thanks she'll go die instead. But Salieri will so easily hug her or keep an arm around her waist the whole time he's with her and she is DYING of happiness inside.

And ofc they reciprocate too

BUT ALSO it's fun to imagine the relationship as Jalter and Dantes being together already and then they're like "we like your funny music, magic musicman" and then they have this really affectionate Italian and are both just ??? !!!! about it because he is so physically affectionate when he looks like THAT [mentally death warmed over but in a crappy microwave]

ALSO HE INSISTS ON DANCING WITH THEM AFTER JALTER MENTIONS WANTING TO DANCE W RITSUKA IN SHINJUKU Jalter comes in the room and it's set up as a fucking ballroom because Salieri is so fucking extra god I love them

who makes the bed:

Salieri, Jalter and Dantes could not care less, truly. They do tend to keep things cleaner though because they can tell it's something that bothers him. Especially Dantes leaving ash everywhere my god he got some on Salieri's suit on accident once and the sheer DREAD he felt- [Salieri waved it off like it was nothing but given Salieri's general attitude that doesn't mean it's OKAY]

who wakes up first:

I'm gonna say it's usually Dantes but if Salieri stays up all night making music or dealing with the demons then it's both of them. Not sure if he'd stay in bed to cuddle or just slip away to leave Salieri and Jalter in peace and go do whatever. Making sure Ritsuka's still on the same plane of existence, probably.

Jalter sleeps in until like 5pm if you let her LMAO

who has the weird taste in music:

I feel likt Jalter, we saw her Edge in her summer berserker form, she just knows the most random bands. Salieri, like always, retains a wide music palate, and I feel like Dantes sticks to one or two favorite genres.

who is more protective:

As remains the answer for. Literally every ship I do this for. THEY ALL ARE WAHOO!! ARE WE SEEING THE PATTERN YET???

So while Salieri is seen as the most physically protective one in the above two relationships, being with two of the most Avengey Avengers definitely makes him seem. A lot more chill. He'll still fuck someone up don't get me wrong but he does come off as much more calm and reasonable.

Jalter is loudly protective and puts most of her energy into being scary af so that no one even dares Try anything with either of her partners. She would kill and die for them [and they would for her] and anyone who tests that is getting stabbed and set on fire.

BUT DANTES TOPS THEM BOTH w showing up in a servant's mindscape or cornering them in a dark alley or abandoned part of Chaldea and telling them in excruciating detail what will happen to them should they so much as make either of his partners even Slightly upset. [yes he did have a confrontation like this with Mozart because Mozart = stressed and angry Salieri but luckily Mozart being an antagonistic bitch [affectionate] by nature he just brushed it off and Salieri had a Long talk w Dantes about their whole weird besties to mortal enemies to besties dynamic]

And in battle never have them on the same team because while they will be FIERCE they will also abandon all other duties to protect each other any day of the weak.

who sings in the shower:

Salieri and Jalter, though I think Salieri is better at it than Jalter is. Dantes could never.

who cries during movies:

Jalter and she hates it and threatens her boyfriends that if they tell anyone she will Grondement du Haine them SO HARD but it's all in good fun.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Salieri all the waaaaay I can't see Dantes really spending a lot of money and while Jalter likes fancy shit she also...obviously doesn't always go for it -glances at the shinjuku dress- but Salieri my god this man can SHOP

And it's not just for himself either, he'll roll up for so many dresses for Jalter and smaller things for Dantes at first so that he can adjust to the spoiling before buying more and more. They're both a little worried about it but he's shown them the receipts and somehow he just. Has money??? Where are you getting it Salieri??? Where is the money????

[I feel like any time they're in a singularity/event/thing for long enough to get a job Salieri will just. Rayshift in and get one to alleviate the boredom LMAO so he has so much money bcus he has a million side hustles]

who kisses more roughly:

Definitely a playful competition here though while Dantes and Jalter I feel wouldn't care as much about PDA Salieri reeeeaaally does so when they're trying to get him in on the aggressive kissing they need to be in their room or no go.

who is more domineering:

Mmmm tossup between Jalter and Dantes, I just know it isn't Salieri. He's just too chill deep down when not exposed to Mozart, he just wants to fuckin live lmao

my rating of the ship from 1-10:

11/10 I will never recover from this one either

ALRIGHT NEXT UP one that my brain surprised me with but does? Seem to be something of a ship, Salieri/Hessian. Another Avenger ship why am I the way I am

ANYWAY My favorite thing about them is Lobo definitely got them together, this music man who has piano that resonates with his grief and anger rolls up and wow...this music nice...and since he and Hessian share a braincell, Hessian can't hide from Lobo the fact that he likes Salieri. So Lobo, being a good wingman, keeps dragging Hessian to Salieri LMAO and it is actually Salieri who reaches out in the end. Lobo is Pleased that the music servant belongs to his rider/pet [does this go against Lobo lore yes do I care no]

Also Salieri learns sign to communicate w Hessian bcus he LOVES HIM and it's also an IMPORTANT SKILL TO HAVE admittedly I'm not sure which they would use....Chaldea is in Antarctica,,,Hessian was German but was deployed to the US,,,,confusing to decide which! there is international sign but it's more of a pidgin sign language so yeah....hmm

who’s the cuddler:

So I can't really see Hessian as even considering being cuddled until he is and then he's just !!!! wow this is great actually!!! He's been so focused on Lobo getting back his freedom for so long that he just...put literally every single thing aside for him. Didn't consider his own happiness or loneliness or anything, he just...wanted Lobo to be free. So now in Chaldea when Lobo is trying to encourage him to accept Anything for himself [not lobo lore compliant BUT I SAY PUBBY IS GOOD AND LOVES HIS PET], and when Hessian lets himself just. Accept affection from Salieri. He loves it. Hugging, cuddling, holding hands, hand klisses, shoulder kisses, etc just. Love.

AND SALIERI REMAINS CUDDLE CHAMPION OKAY THIS MAN IS MADE OF RAGE AND LOVE AND DAMN IT ALL HE WILL HUG PEOPLE but also once he realizes how little Hessian ever got physical affection he becomes Much more PDA accepting, since it's still 'polite' PDA. Also this man will sleep on Lobo he loves having a big ol pupper so much and Lobo loves his new pet too.

who makes the bed:

You cannot tell me Hessian doesn't rest curled up on Lobo I won't believe you so Salieri by virtue of him actually Owning a bed.

who wakes up first:

I don't...know that Hessian actually Sleeps. Like rest and recover sure but does he really need to sleep with no head and with magic that is definitely tied to Lobo? Anyway he doesn't sleep so him but also Salieri on his bad nights.

who has the weird taste in music:

Hessian loves exploring ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he is learning to live again and Salieri is so happy to encourage him and find new music for him to listen to. When he's not too murderous around Mozart he asks him for recommendations too which Mozart takes SO seriously because Salieri!! Asking him for something!!! ASKING!!!! HIM!!!!!!

Lobo will eat the stereo if it annoys him though they've lost five by now

who is more protective:

Another both option but with an added "do not fuck with Salieri or the giant fucking murder dog will come and chew your face off"

Salieri tends to be protective because I feel like Hessian and Lobo are seen as signs of misfortune and the like and he loves them both so much so um fuck off actually

Hessian is really good at noticing when Salieri is getting overwhelmed or drowning in self loathing so he is A LOT more protective during those times.

And do not...set off...the phantasmal puppy...

who sings in the shower:

I don't. Think Hessian can sing. So Salieri for that one!

who cries during movies:

Hessian [if he can't sing how can he cry IT'S ABOUT VIBES] any time it's a movie that reminds him of what Lobo has gone through or is about dog peril. He breaks.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Bold of you to assume Hessian even has any idea on shopping at all he does not give a fuck so it's Salieri again and once again spoiling with gifts!!!! But most of the gifts are for Lobo because he's A GOOD BOY

who kisses more roughly:

So Hessian is kinda out bcus he doesn't have lips but also I think this is one of the softer Salieri pairings, formed out of a ghost puppy being a wingman and a shared love for music. So it's all gentle kisses from Salieri too, just...soft...

ig Lobo's big ol wolf tongue kisses are probably aggressive but in an excited dog way not a painful way,,,

who is more domineering:

Again not super applicable here!!!

my rating of the ship from 1-10:

8/10 sweet ship to think about I enjoy it but as is clearly shown my favorite part of it is that Salieri gets An Dog

And now we have reached...the final ship that honestly came at me with a steel chair fr I did not see this one coming I made one small comment about FRIENDSHIP and then my brain went OKAY BUT WHAT ABOUT Salieri/Phantom as a ship AND HERE WE ARE

So this one...hinges a lot on opera,,,opera,,,friendship,,,but then they really are similar honestly? Salieri is an innocent monster via rumors and slander whereas Phantom is canonically an innocent monster due to him just playing a part that society assigned to him. I feel...like they could really bond over the crushing weight of what society has created them to be. And yeah I know the Phantom of the Opera is different than Salieri but the Phantom of the Opera in FATE differs from the one in the book, he's just the 'model' for it.

AND THIS ONE IS ALSO REALLY FUN BECAUSE. Due to Phantom's reputation literally EVERYONE is worried about it. Like given all they have is the og story: Phantom GROOMED someone, KIDNAPPED them, tried to keep them FOREVER, did a LOT OF MURDER etc so like. Erik is not that at all but everyone is constantly just like Salieri,,,are you sure this is a good idea,,,and Salieri is like sorry are you shittalking my partner right now? -wildfire blade held menacingly-

who’s the cuddler:

Salieri ONCE AGAIN but this time I feel like it's a little related to Erik so used to people interpreting him as an exact copy of the Phantom of the Opera and thus he's internalized himself loving others to be evil and grotesque. It takes Salieri a lot of time and patience to gently coax Erik into accepting physical affection from him, and it starts very very small, holding hands alone, gently tucking his hair behind his ear also alone, jsut...slowly acclimating him to touch. And even then Erik. Cannot handle PDA, cannot handle feeling like people are looking at him so Salieri willingly keeps Everything to the bedroom but also makes sure people know because he loves his partner and also because cmon Erik has to get jealous af sdfgh

who makes the bed:

Salieri continues to be the Only Chore Doer and makes the bed. Tbf I feel like making the bed w/claw hands would be really hard, at least Salieri can put his away.

who wakes up first:

Bold of you to assume either of these crumbling messes sleep. If other ships gently encourage Salieri to sleep, Erik ship is just them constantly in the hell that is their minds, sleep deprived and kept awake due to nightmares. They may Occasionally sleep but it's. Really rare. The avengers are thiiiis close to staging an intervention as Salieri's eyebags become entire eyesuitcases

who has the weird taste in music:

OPERA OR...NOPERA BAYBEE there is no ROOM for any other NOISE only OPERA MAY EXIST HERE or whatever Salieri feels like playing because that will Become opera once Erik starts singing to it <3

who is more protective:

Alright so the answer as usual is both! For Salieri a lot of it is challenging people who call his relationship into question. It doesn't matter that it's usually out of concern for him, he and Erik are Fine and actually help each other cope a lot with being innocent monsters, so it drives him up the wall when people fling accusations at Erik.

BUT ERIK IS WHERE IT GETS FUN :D because like. Kinda playing off the way he has been in summer events several times now where he just...slips through cracks in reality...plays the game beyond the universe...he's very protective of Salieri on multiple levels. This can be very handy for a less "must protecc all servants" master because. They could throw Salieri into any tense situation and Phantom would follow, find out all the background info and who is doing what, and relay it all to Salieri to try and protect him.

But. Salieri tries not to get put in situations where Erik's protectiviness will Really shine through. Because while he is the model for the Phantom and not he actual Phantom, when he decides someone is an actual threat to Salieir...that's it, game over. Like they are going to fucking die as soon as he can feasibly do it. There''s no threats, no promises, you hurt or threaten Salieri to a degree Erik decides is dangerous? You're dead, do not pass go, do not collect $200. He's an assassin for a reason. Yes he has dropped a chandelier on someone before, yes they did go to couples counseling about it.

In battle though they don't really act too protective because they both know the other can handle themselves.

who sings in the shower:

Both of them, it turns into a full on opera in their quarters, sometimes servants will sit outside to listen. This is very embarrassing to Salieri.

who cries during movies:

Neither of them. While Salieri gets emotional with a certain kind of movie [mentioned,,,in one of the above ones, maybe Mozart?], he doesn't actually cry, and Erik just doesn't get moved by movies.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Salieri, I don't think Erik likes to go out much? So he'll buy fancy clothes and nice food and wonderful wine and bring it back for a nice date in <3

who kisses more roughly:

BOTH YAHOO both very possessive of each other, both really get into kissing though Salieri is bitier than Erik. But I mean Erik leaves clawmarks so <3

who is more domineering:

Switches between them tbh

my rating of the ship from 1-10:

My brain latched onto this ship yesterday and I am so fucking feral about it/10

NOW I THINK TRULY THE ONLY WAY TO END THIS. IS TO CONSIDER. What if Salieri dated all of them at once because it's HILARIOUS LMAO

Mozart and Erik would HATE each other because they both want the Most attention, Marie would remind Jalter too much of Jeanne d'Arc, Dantes would see Erik as a threat [everyone would until Salieri would sit them all down and be like YOU LISTEN OR WE'RE DONE] the onyl chill one is Hessian and Andersen hears all about all of it from Salieri and dies laughing every fucking time

They would be such a chaotic mess and the only way they would work is if Salieri had an absolute breakdown in the middle of all of it and they're all like OH GOD I HURT MY BAE so they sit down to discuss it as Adults AND EVEN THEN IT WOULD STILL BE A CLUSTERFUCK LMAO Salieri sitting there like "I know I wanted someone to love BUT THIS IS TOO MANY ALL AT ONCE" which is why i don't really ship them in a polycule this big [they'd be metamours save for the poly ships] BUT IT'S FUNNY TO THINK ABOUT THEM ALL TRYING

Holy fuck this got so long THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK WOLFIE I HOPE IT FEEDS YOU WELL ask meme here

#solar screams #solar writes #THANKS WOLFIE #ask games #fgo #salieri #mozart #saliama #mozieri #jalter #dantes #avenger agenda #marie #hessian #phantom

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alienaiver · 2 months

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Hi Hi Nohr! I had a question for you!! Do you think Shinsou, Kuroo and Allen would get along with Snøfle?

hi deru my love !!!! happy weekend !! will you be doing anything exciting ?? <!!!!33333

AND THAT SUCH A TOUGH QUESTION ACTUALLY,, i think its more of an issue of snøfle Not getting along with anyone... my toxic trait is generally telling snøfle hes a very good boy even though hes very bad most of the time KLJDSAKDHJAS <333 these three exactly are actually VERY different with him so its very fun to imagine thank u for sending it in!!!!! kissing u<3333

but ill break down their relationships with him!

kuroos patience with snøfle is wearing thin... first of all hes already stated he prefer dogs if he has to pick, but loves all animals generally! so when i tell him about snøfle he smirks and thinks easy peasy !! but the way snøfle wont let the bathroom door stay closed for any private matter or the way that he gets territorial about my dinner table when im cooking (its like he Knows therell be food on it soon and he wants to make sure hes the first to get it???? hes so strange bcos i havent fed him human food by the table ever) HE WILL CHOMP ANY WHO TRIES TO SET THTE TABLE. we have fooled snøfle exactly once (1) to believe that kuroos lap was mine underneath a blanket, and kuroo still tells the story of how snøfle sat on his lap proudly to everyone (omitting the fact that he was tricked, bamboozled, fooled). i think snøfle would LOVE kenma, which in turn would only make kuroo more frustrated tbh.... and the chances are that snøfle primarily likes kenma to annoy kuroo... i see a rivalry ..... and dont get me started if kuroo ever needs to petsit snøfle for me JHDSAKJHDAJ... he will hiss, whine, bite, headbutt, attack, cuddle, scream, hiss again... all in the first five minutes. when we go to bed in the evening, snøfle will howl and whine and complain when kuroo comes to cuddle. hes allowed nowhere near me (snøfle and i share a pillow and NOTHING shall come between that!).. so.. strained. battle of the garbage dump but its just kuroo having beef with my fat senior feline

shinsou on the other hand has no qualms about snøfles behavior. of course he internally wishes for more love from snøfle, but he isnt interested in forcing a relationship with him, taking every bite or slap without a grimace (even /i/ get worried about his indifference to snøfles Bad Boy Behavior). snøfle reluctantly opens up to shinsou only bcos he doesnt become visibly annoyed with him/puts up with his behavior after so long, and while he doesnt voluntarily cuddle with shinsou if im there, he will tolerate a petting and a good play while i read or write !!! theyre besties if im away, cuddling and spooning away as if he was the primary owner ! its very cute, but as soon as i unlock the door, he pretends shinsou doesnt exist again in favor of my attention. theres nothing more adorable than seeing the selfies shinsou sends of them tho!!!

and for last i got allen which is just a whole... oof situation, for both of them. allens got timcanpy who has a track record of being eaten by cats and snøfles NO exception when it comes to want to chomp him. its... terrible for everyone involved. allens childish side comes forth when it comes to snøfle, bcos snøfle is just so downright outrageous and rude. allen can talk perfectly poised and polite until snøfle enters the room with what allen perceives as a evil and mean grin. plus, snøfles a pretty RUDE food begger and allens VERY protective of his food. its not really... an ideal match, tbh. theres so much meat on allens plate so snøfles naturally more inclined to beg by him than me which doesnt help !!! i wish theyd get along better.. sometimes allen throws him a piece of meat in hopes itll leave him alone, but its only until the bites been devoured, then hes back on the table, all up in his face! i try to tell him this, but he do get desperate sometimes when snøfle almost steps on the plate or tips over his cup. although on VERY FEW occassions i have found them next to me on the bed in the middle of the night, cuddled up with allens arm around snøfles tummy. they both deny this, though. all my photo evidence has been mysteriously deleted......... i think snøfle will simply claim he thought it was my hand if we ever found a cat translation app.

DKSJFHSJ I HAVE BEEN GIGGLING OUT LOUD AT THESE IMAGINES........................ i almost cant believe snøfles THIS bad of a host but alas, he does have his... traits. i shall include my favorite and HIS favorite picture of him that shall make everyone who read this AWFUL slanderous defemation of snøfle immediately forget about it and only think of him as an angel !!

#THANK YOIU FOR SENDING IN THIS MWUAH IT REALLY CHEERED ME UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X 100000000000 #SMOOCHING YOU DERU #nohr.talks #lovenote: deru 🎮✨#nohr.headcanons #snøfle tag #ALSO BTW. THIS IS ALL STUFF HE DO TO MY FRIENDS

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bmpmp3 · 5 years

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you play stellamore?

no i havent sorry qwq honestly if its a mobile game thats not love365 or ikemen sengoku i probably havent played it hsajdksa sdjk it looks neat tho! might look into it if it ever gets finished~

#ask #ikemen sengoku is genuinely an exception to my inability to play mobile otoge qwq #i played a bit of ikerev but i got distracted orz #i once tried to play the arcana but the prologue took forever and i couldnt get into it #once i had a phase in highschool where i played a lot of mobage #i played a route of lost island #the one with the older dude in the labcoat #also i played skeletianos route in niflheim #and not an otoge but i played that vampire bl game #but i got really attached to the main character (my son)#so i was playing it desperately trying to protect him from all these garbage boys #and i never finished it akskjfdsa #once i also played like half a route of some demon shall we date game? dont remember anything of it tho #orz i dunno im bad with mobage #stellamore looks neat tho! it doesnt seem to have any microtransactions?#how does it monetize itself? or does it not? thats kinda interesting~#Anonymous

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buttercream-squad-imagines · 3 years

Text

Little Red Dress

Pairings: Harry Lewis x fem!Reader, Callux x sister!Reader Word Count: 1.8k Warnings: Swearing, some violence, maybe a few spelling mistakes Request: Idk if this is a request but like a secret relationship with Harry that you hide and you like calluxs sister or something like that and when he finds out he gets really mad or something

How you had gotten here you didn't know. It was a question you had continually asked yourself for the last five or so months. You hadn't long moved to London, where your older brother Callum lived. You had wanted to be closer to him, not that you were far anyway but you were very closer to your brother.

There were quite a few years between you and the older boy, you being born when the latter was 7 years old. Now at the ages of 22 and 29, the two could not be more inseparable. Despite having different fathers - both of whom hadn't stuck around long enough for the pair to remember them - you and Cal were like peas in a pod. With no father figure for you to look up to, you naturally clung to the boy growing up, and Cal being the only male in the house, quickly took on the protector figure for both you and your mum.

As awful as you felt leaving your mum back at home, you had been missing your brother desperately since he had moved to London so long ago, having spent the latter majority of your school years without him. Now after graduating from university, you finally felt free enough to move to the city with your brother and make your own way in life.

That was nearing a year ago, which led you to now. The situation that you were currently in, sneaking around with one of your brother's best friends.

You had met Harry before you could even have been introduced by Cal in one of the most cliche ways ever. Being the clumsy git he is, he had bumped into you in the hallway of your new apartment building and had spilled the contents of the box you were carrying all over the hardwood floor. Awkwardly the man had tried to pick up the contents in a hurry, spitting out apologies to you and once again dropping things from his arms in an attempt to put them back into the box. It was something you had found very endearing and is a quality of his that you adore.

In an attempt to apologise for both spilling the box full of stuff and then dropping the contents whilst trying to pick them back up, Harry had offered to help you bring up the rest of your boxes. It was there that you both ran into your brother, who was visibly confused as to how his cumbersome best friend was talking to his baby sister like they had known each other for years.

Cal would never actually admit it to you but witnessing that interacting had a large pit forming at the bottom of his stomach. He knew how Harry could be and knew from the look in his eye that he had quickly found an attraction in you.

Any spark found in Harry's eyes quickly distinguished when he learned of your relation to Cal, knowing how protective the older boy could be of his baby sister, but nothing could stop the fluttering feeling the boy got when he was around you. Not even Cal's warnings against dating his sister. Warnings that his other friends got, to his relief, all of which assured Cal that his sister was out of bounds. Pleased with the responses, Cal never had a second thought, something you were glad for.

Something you weren't glad for however, was the feeling of uneasiness you got whenever you were with Harry. You almost felt guilty for being with him, even more so for keeping it from your brother.

Your boyfriend of five months, however, was quick to chase away that feeling with his affection. You got to see another side to the boy that many of the people in his life never got to witness. It gave you a feeling of euphoria knowing that you were the object of Harry's affections, and affectionate he was.

When the two of you got to spend time at your apartment, the boy could not remove himself from you. Whether he was lying in bed editing a video, cuddled into your side, or sprawled out on the settee with his head nestled in your lap, he always had to have some body part touching you. His hand always found yours when he was particularly anxious, something that happened quite regularly, which was one of the traits you found most endearing. It warmed your heart to know that you were able to calm him down.

Something you did a lot was steal Harry's clothing. There was just something about those jumpers, especially the sidemen merch, that was just so comfortable. Even after insisting on getting you some sidemen clothing of your own, so he could continue to make use of his own wardrobe, you still wore his. You had told him very shyly that you liked wearing his clothes because they smelled like him, and it brought you comfort when he was away visiting his own family.

Harry thought he might have broken down then and there. Not that he would say it out loud, he secretly loved it when you wore his clothes but knowing that you would wear them when you missed him? He felt like he was on cloud nine.

Which is how you found yourself right now, snuggled on your sofa, drowning in Harry's jumper and a fleece blanket, watching the TV. Harry had been away visiting his family over the new year, and wasn't due back until the following day but you missed him dearly. Your phone had been forgotten in your bedroom, your only distraction was reruns of Grey's Anatomy, a show you had already watched religiously.

You hadn't realised how much time had passed as you easily lost track of time when you got into a show. You also hadn't realised that your brother had been trying to get hold of your for over an hour. Which is why you were startled when you heard the click of the lock turning.

"Y/N?" The sound of your brother's voice filled the small apartment. "Are you in here?"

"On the sofa." You called back with a yawn. He could easily hear the drowsiness in your voice, he would put his money on you falling asleep within the next hour.

"You didn't answer my calls or texts, I was worried." He scolded gently.

"I left it in my room to charge, sorry for worrying you." You stretched causing the blanket that covered you to drop to your lap.

"Whose? Whose jumper is that?" Cal inquired, suspicion laced in his tone.

"Oh, is it not yours?" You asked, trying to cover up the fact that his best friend's jumper adorned your body and was currently the reason that you were about to be outed.

"No. You know that's not my jumper Y/N. It's too small to be mine." You winced at the hardness in his voice.

"I must've picked it up thinking it was yours. Oops." You tried to play it off coolly, and your brother seemed to be coming around to the idea that it was just a misunderstanding. Thank God, you screamed internally.

"Right." He sprawled himself out next to you and let out a groan when he noticed what you were watching. "Really? Grey's Anatomy? You know I've experienced enough hospitals in my life without having to watch this garbage."

"How dare you?" You gasped playfully, whacking the older man on the arm. "I'm not turning it off, so either accept it or leave."

"Fine."

A week later, Cal was visiting Freezy and Harry's apartment to hang out with the boys. You were meant to be coming soon though as you and Cal were going out for lunch. Cal was sprawled on the sofa and Harry was on another, whilst Freezy was in the bathroom. Cal's suspicions once again peaked as he noticed Harry wearing the jumper you were wearing just a week ago.

"I'm sure that's the jumper Y/N was wearing last week." He muttered loud enough for the younger boy to hear.

"Is it? She must've picked it up by accident and thought it was yours." Harry spoke coolly although his stomach felt like it was doing backflips.

"Hmm. That's what she said." He grumbled. The two fell back into a comfortable silence scrolling through their phones, waiting for Freezy to arrive back from the bathroom.

"Harry, I'm sure you've got some secret girlfriend you're hiding from us or something." The loud voice of Freezy echoed through the apartment.

"What?" The boy in question stumbled over his words. "Why would you say that?"

"Well, if I had to guess, I wouldn't put you down as the type of person who used Sunkissed raspberry shampoo and conditioner." He cackled.

"So, what if I did?" Harry's heart was racing, trying to play the situation off. Even if the boys found out he was seeing someone, they still wouldn't know who. That's what he was trying to tell himself anyway.

"Right, so you're telling me this dress from the washing basket is yours too?"

Harry's face dropped as Freezy held up the little red dress that you had thrown in the washing basket after a night out. A night out with your brother and his friends.

"What the fuck Harry?!" Cal seethed, gripping him by the collar of his jumper and shoving him into the wall. "My fucking sister!"

"Oh." Was the only thing that come out of Freezy's mouth once he had realised the severity of the situation. Your brother on the other hand was seeing red. What they hadn't heard was you entering the flat, having heard the shouting from the hallway. Cal raised his fist, bringing it to meet the side of Harry's face, who hadn't said a word yet.

"What the hell Cal?!" You exclaimed, marching over and pushing him away from your boyfriend.

"When were you going to tell me?" He asked you through gritted teeth.

"I don't know what you're talking about." You honestly had no idea what was happening right now, but if you had to make a guess, you'd put your money on Cal having found out about your relationship. You could count on one hand how many times you had seen your brother as angry as this. Not ever had it been directed at you though.

"Stop lying Y/N!" He roared making you cower into Harry behind you and let out a small whimper. "Come on, we're leaving."

"No!" Your brother grabbed the top of your arm and began pulling you away. You tried to shrug his hand from your arm, but he held on tightly. "I'm not leaving."

"Fine." He spat, storming out of the apartment.

"Hey." Harry whispered softly, touching your arm gently.

"I'll just leave you two." Freezy muttered awkwardly, leaving to go to his room. Harry pulled you into his chest and wiped away the tears you hadn't realised had fallen.

"It's okay." He assured you. "It'll be okay."

#sidemen imagine #sidemen #Harry Lewis #Harry Lewis x reader #Harry Lewis x fem!reader #Wroetoshaw #Wroetoshaw x reader #Wroetoshaw x fem!reader #Wroetoshaw imagine #Sidemen x reader #Callux x reader #Callux x sister!reader #Callux x platonic!reader #Harry Lewis imagine #Sidemen fanfic #w2s x reader #w2s imagine #w2s

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yeojaa · 3 years

Text

come over, pt. i

pairing. jjk x f!reader. rating. explicit. tags. this is pwp. smut in the forms of: kissing, oral (m/f), fingering, deepthroating, hickeys, protected sex. use of the pet name shy girl. wc. 6.2k. beta reader. @hobi-gif and @snackhobi aka the loves of my tiny life. author note. this is an adaption of an rp with my beloved @velvetwicebang. while the writing is all my own, i owe so much to loma for inspiring me and being such a wonderful partner. 💛 if you enjoy this, feedback goes a long way. tysm for reading! (and yes, there will be a second part.)

You’ve been friends for thirteen months, classmates for another three before that. You’ve worked on countless projects together, watched him fall off a roof, and have had to bail him out of campus security’s grubby little hands. Your friendship is easy, based on mutual suffering in Professor Kim’s class and long study dates spent in the library. He smuggled you chocolates in his pockets and you brought iced coffee to the 8 a.m. lecture you shared.

You’re not sure why you’re riddled with uncertainty now then, every nerve ending shot, lit up bright like the still-up mini Christmas tree sitting in the corner of your dorm room. (You know you should take it down but it’s so cute, slouched ever with a tiny gold star-shaped bell hanging from the end.).

Spending time with Jungkook was normal - a part of your weekly routine - but then again, you hadn’t somehow developed a weird little crush on him until recently.

(If you think hard, you could probably pinpoint it to a night a few weeks ago when he looked particularly good, fluffy powder puff of hair stripped of shadow and gleaming gold beneath the warm lecture lights. You’d never had a thing for blonds but he made it look good - surprising you when he’d dropped into his seat beside you and winked in response to your surprise.)

(It’s something you can't tear your thoughts from now, that infuriatingly charming smile burnt into your retinas. It sits at the forefront of your mind, stealing your attention from the movie that's playing on the television hung across from your bed. One of those blockbuster flicks, because who didn’t love gratuitous action and lens flares?)

A hand reaches for the chip bowl propped between you - homemade chex mix, because you’ve been obsessed with the recipe since discovering it a few weeks ago - and you flinch away when it brushes the hand that's already in there.

"Sorry!" You squeak before coughing, a quick-witted (but not altogether believable) attempt at hiding the sudden heat that flares across your cheeks. The same hand disappears between your knees, fingers curling into the soft throw laid over your legs. You tell yourself to relax at least three times before speaking, peeking at your companion from beneath a fringe of sleep-tousled strands. “Stop stealing all my chips.”

The boy beside you only grins, tosses that lazy smile in your direction before turning his attention back to the explosion on the screen, entire expression lit up by the fireworks that explode in flashes of colour.

You think you’ve gotten away with it - that he hasn’t noticed - and then he’s speaking again, pointedly staring forward, seemingly unbothered. (You know better though. Jungkook’s infuriating like that, picking up on all the little things despite the fact that he’s a dumb boy, too good at reading between the lines when he barely studies.)

“You’re blushing.”

The callout is, well, uncalled for.

You choose to ignore him at first, opting to shove two chocolates past your lips. They’re unbearably sweet, minty and cold - your favourite - and the richness spills across your tongue, eliciting a soft hum as your teeth buzz from the sugar. (Note to self: thank Jungkook for the chocolate later.)

“You’re blushing,” you retort once you’ve swallowed, cheeks puffed out and a dent gathering between your brows. “I’m just—“ Hand waves wildly - nearly hits him in the face with how wobbly it is - and you pretend-glare at him, faux affront laid in spades. “—hot.”

It comes snappier than you mean it to, spoken in something close to a pout. You aren’t actually. The campus is notorious for having garbage heating, floorboards more akin to packed snow in the dead of winter. It’s just annoying. You refuse to be another one of those girls.

(Not that there’s anything wrong with said girls. It’s more an issue with Jungkook, stupidly handsome and charming and far too popular for his own good. People already told you all about Jungkook’s escapades - even though you often heard them from him firsthand and in gruelling detail. One of the downsides to being friends with someone who, for all intents and purposes, carried the title of campus heartthrob.)

“Pay attention to the movie.” The same hand reaches for the mix again, careful to avoid brushing his this time. You think you’ve succeeded, snatching up a piece of pretzel, morsel halfway to your mouth when it drops to your lap.

The same lap that suddenly has a hand on it, palm warm over your knee.

If you’d thought your nerve endings were shot, now you knew they were. Every inch of skin was on fire - heat shooting up your spine and over your neck the moment his hand comes in contact with bare skin. Damn your need for comfort, damn your choice to wear shorts, damn his freaking hot tattooed hands—

You almost yell at him. The sound’s on the tip of your tongue when you bite down, stare trained wholly on the movie and the blood that splatters across the screen..

Really, you shouldn't be surprised. You’ve known Jungkook for nearly two years - okay, not quite. You’ve heard all the rumours about him, the whispered words that sound something like playboy and flirt and be careful. You know and yet you’ve found yourself in this situation, desperately trying to figure out what the hell is going through his mind as you stare straight ahead, refusing to move a muscle.

His profile is picture perfect from your periphery; he's focused too, acting like he's done nothing wrong. Sly as a fox, as always.

“Still blushing,” he repeats conversationally, as if he’s commenting on the colour of the sky or how cold it is in your room. Not as if he’s got a hand where it shouldn’t be, ink spilling over his skin in pretty patterns, burning the shape of it where he touches.

"I didn't blush.” It’s a retort made for only argument’s sake and even then, without weight. Feather soft and feeble in an attempt to keep your voice level. It's hard when you’re burning up, a livewire settled where you feel him. "I'm not blushing."

It's a lie - you can feel the flush, embarrassment flooding from your cheeks all the way down over your chest. It’s an inferno beneath your skin, lava coursing through your veins.

It spreads further and further, blooms somewhere new when his hand drifts lower, tracking across the soft inner of your thigh. Doesn’t cease even when his hand does, palm firm over your leg, the ghost of a touch passing so close to your core you can’t help but jolt. It’s as if he’s rearranged your pieces, mixed them all up. A brush of his finger over your clothed entrance feels like it hits you right in the chest, snaps your heart to attention. It roars to life, thundering madly, pulse erratic when he repeats the gesture, with that much more pressure.

You’re dripping, you realise to your horror, cotton of your thong sticking to your skin, grey of your shorts made darker by the arousal that spills over the one not-so-innocent digit.

A part of you wants to run from the room. Nearly do, heart hammering in your chest when Jungkook's face is suddenly too close, the warmth of his breath stifling against your neck. It feels good, anticipation and desire fizzing in your stomach like fountain pop. (The movie theatre kind, that’s somehow flat and too bubbly all at once.)

"Kook." You mean to say it reproachfully, with a hand pushing his wrist away. Instead it comes out like a whisper, a soft sigh of his name that sounds almost needy, laced with worry and anticipation that makes you want to tear your own hair out. Fingers remain locked around bone, other hand digging into the blanket and the linen beneath it, searching desperately for some form of composure beneath the material.

For the first time, you hazard a glance - know it’ll be bad for your own well-being - dropping your stare to where his hand rests. (You have to admit - you like the sight of those tattoos, a stark contrast to the unblemished softness.)

Like it almost as much as his kisses, the first of which lands exactly where you want it most. Delicate, polite, right on the junction of your jaw. A sigh escapes before you can help it. "Shy girl,” he coos, teasing in a way that makes your heart skip a beat.

“I’m not shy,” you huff - try to, anyway, around the kaleidoscope of butterflies that are threatening to choke you. "We're watching a movie." You’re trying to redirect his attention, even as you’re desperate for it, even as you think you’d give your whole heart for it.

You’re this close to combusting, eyes widening the moment he extracts his hand and tucks it back into the bowl of chips. A part of you wants to yell at him - for starting this in the first place but mainly for leaving you high and dry, turned on and soaking through your underwear.

(It’s not fair, but then again, you’d never expected them to be. You’ve seen the rules Jungkook plays by - namely those of his own creation. Term paper due the next morning? He’d somehow pull it out of his ass that night. Break something at a house party? He’d be let off with a smile and a wave, those doe eyes of his utterly lethal when paired with his pout.)

“Watch the movie then.” He sounds almost bored, utterly unbothered as he seamlessly slips back into the proper role of friend, classmate, study partner.

"Let's." Without tossing another glance in his direction, you stare straight ahead, own hand delving for snacks. So what if you very purposely brush your fingers against the pieces he's just touched, popping the pieces into your mouth before slotting your thumb against your tongue, cheeks hollowing around to suck the last bits of salt and butter off.

Despite your nerves - you’re hoping he's watching - you readjust, bringing knees up, crossing legs until one is resting atop his own thick thigh. The full of your bottom lip disappears between your teeth, worried to within an inch of its life as you shift beside him, seemingly manoeuvring your shorts into their rightful position.

(You’re not. They’re hitched higher than they were, barely worthy of the title of shorts, more akin to a belt. So revealing it’s almost uncomfortable, wet of your arousal sticking them to your skin.)

(Two could play this game.)

(Maybe him better than you, but still.)

You know what you’re doing and yet you’re somehow surprised when he’s suddenly disappeared from your side and situated himself in front of you, eating up too much of the space on your small double bed. “What’re you—“ The question disappears in the same moment he does, unable to track his movements when Jungkook slips forward, pressing his mouth over yours.

You’ve kissed a lot of people. (Okay, not a lot, but enough.) You were a senior in college, where kissing was like talking and fucking happened more often than dating.

You’ve never kissed Jungkook before.

Why hadn’t you?

His lips are terribly soft, pink and pouted, slanting across yours as if he’s trying to devour you. There’s no semblance of delicacy, nothing gentle and sweet like those brushes against your neck. They’re forceful, demanding payment in full when his tongue glides over the seam, seeking entrance despite the fact that you think he might’ve slipped in anyway.

There’s not a single wall he couldn’t break down, not a lock he couldn’t pick. Not with how he moves, purposeful and reassured, tongue sliding over yours, sucking it into his mouth as if it’s something he does every day. (Which it very well could be - just not with you.)

“Shy girl,” he repeats with a mouth filled with affection, praise that pours over you honey sweet and sticky. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”

The thing is, you’re not pretending. You’re half-afraid this entire moment is going to explode into a thousand pieces, a dream shattered by reality. You hope it doesn’t. Couldn’t bear it when he feels so nice, hand spanning your waist, tucked beneath the safety of your shirt and the fleece blanket between you.

“I’m not.”

“Oh?” There’s something in his eyes, something that coils heat in the pit of your stomach. You swear you can see the devil sitting on his shoulder, gleeful little smile rearranging his features. “Do I make you nervous, ____?”

Did he? Of course he did. Had, even before you’d known him.

(You’d grown comfortable, though. Found a way to separate the popular heartthrob from your friend.)

But you’ve lost your marbles, gone certifiably insane when you make a noise that sounds nothing like you. Because you’re once again far too interested in the way Jungkook’s touching you, manhandling you as if you’re some sort of puppet. It really shouldn’t turn you on so much, slick coating your bare thighs when he guides you onto your back, pushes you back against your too many pillows.

He’s your friend and he’s told you all about the way he fucks girls until they can’t walk.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want the same treatment, though.

The moment Jungkook’s mouth finds your skin - sensitive and soft and so close to your soaked core - you keen, hands immediately flying into his silky head of hair. It threads between your fingers like fine silk, filaments of gold overlaid in colour by the movie that still plays.

“Oh my god,” you gasp, entire body arching off the back of the bed in an effort to bring some form of relief. You can’t help the heat that burns your cheeks or how you sound, begging and pleading as you tug gently at his blond roots. “Don’t tease me.”

You’re not asking very nicely but you figure Jungkook will give in. It’s his fault, after all.

His fault - which you don’t mind when he hooks fabric aside and drags his tongue across your slit, the flat of his tongue arching your back from the bed. Can’t mind when he does it again, rounded nose bumping against your clit. You’re trying to stay just a little bit decent, moans soft and caught between your teeth. You’re practically biting a hole through your lip in an effort to stay quiet, hands curled into fists. Gold spills between them and you imagine it hurts but he doesn’t stop, only works harder to drive you crazy.

Of course he’s good at this. Too good, if you’re being honest.

You’re dripping, legs trembling in his firm, unyielding grip. There's molten heat building in your stomach, creeping up your spine, and with each pass of his tongue over your sensitive core, it only expands. You want more - need it - and almost beg when he catches your clit between his teeth. A breathy baby spills out on accident when your eyes meet, gaze half-lidded.

It’s bad for your health, how good he looks right now, chin slick, lips rubied and pretty like jewels. “Shy girl sounds so pretty.”

There's something about his praise that completely ruins you, the words dragging a delighted, sexpot moan off your tongue. You want him to tell you how pretty you are now and later, over and over.

You want to be his pretty girl.

"I want you. I need more," you whine, hips rutting desperately, slick messy across your thighs and shining across Jungkook's mouth. He smiles then - brighter than the sun, utterly radiant, so devastatingly handsome you swear your brain short circuits - and then he’s doing exactly as you’ve asked.

He eats you out like it’s an art form, flicking his tongue over your clit with practiced precision, sucking the pearl between his lips. When he grazes his teeth over it - just the lightest pressure - you jolt, the feeling of a finger sliding into you stealing the breath from your lungs.

He’s always had nice hands, big broad palms and long fingers. They reach places you could never hope to, stretching you deliciously when he sinks another in alongside the first, exploring you with ease. The sting is slight, the fullness overriding any pain, further dulled by the suction of his mouth on your clit.

He even hums when he finds the spot he’s been looking for, hooking his fingers against it and pressing. (You swear you see stars; you know you feel him smile, lips spread like butter over your skin when you sob.)

You can’t help yourself, writhing and moaning, trying to ride his face with a desperation that has your chest heaving. It feels so good to have him between your legs. You almost miss the appearance of his other hand - in view for but a moment before it disappears past the waistband of his sweats. Dark as they are, pitch black like most of his clothing, it’s impossible to miss the way he touches himself. It has you even needier, pussy clenching at the thought of him fisting his own hard cock.

“Do you want a hand?” You ask as if you’re doing him a favour and not salivating at the prospect, eyes wide, blinking down at him from behind thick lashes.

“Fuck.” He’s sin incarnate, undeniable when he sheds his sweats, kicks them off with just one hand, other still slotted snug against your pussy. He never ceases his movements, fucking you on his fingers even as he sits upright, leaned back on his calves. “You want a taste? Shy girl wants a big fat cock in her mouth?”

There's something about hearing him so turned on, the expletive shooting a dizzying bolt of desire straight between yours legs. You’ve seen Jungkook worked up - he was awfully competitive, after all, dominating most intramural sports, breaking PR records in the gym - but it's something else completely when he's making you drip cum all over his hand.

"Wow.”

Jungkook's cock is pretty, flushed and glossy from the pre-cum he spreads with his thumb, massaging over the tip like it owes him something.

You want to taste it.

A contented hum rolls off your tongue at his question, though you don’t give him the satisfaction of an answer. His ego's big enough without it and you’re much more interested in stroking something else. Still, you lean into his palm, nuzzling your cheek against the warmth of it when he threads his hand through your hair, gathering it in his fist.

Then without looking away, your mouth falls open, tongue peeking past your lips to lick a fat stripe up the length of his cock, from base to tip. It's hot and heavy on your tongue, the salty taste of his pre-cum better than candy. You hum again, swirling your tongue around the head, and keep your gaze locked with Jungkook's, almost smirking when you drag your tongue over his fingers, gently grazing the edge of your teeth against the pad of his thumb.

“Please.” You’re usually far more reserved, not the kind to ask for more until you’re three months into dating and certain of where you stand. You simply can’t help yourself now, the feeling of your own wetness painting your skin, making you clench around nothing. "I need it."

The groan that comes sounds more like Christmas, a gift given by Santa Claus himself. It filters into your ears and has you grinning up at him, not even bothering to hide the pride that flutters your lashes and has you pursing your lips around the head of his cock.

When he speaks again, it’s dangerously quiet, low in his throat, laced with whatever same emotion that seems to shackle your limbs. “Open up, ____,” he instructs, though he offers little time to adjust, guiding his cock forward, stuffing your mouth full. “Show me how bad.”

You don’t mind. If you were to speak, it’d practically be a prayer, tongue tracing the veins that run the length. A chorus of yes please more when he takes just as much as he gives. You love the power that comes with Jungkook speaking so filthily, drunk on it when he continues, spewing filth in time with each rock of his hips.

Lips seal around the swollen head each time he withdraws, cheeks hollowing around the tip. Tongue passes over his fingers again before your hand rises, fingers curling around his wrist to pull his own away. (You probably shouldn't - it's too romantic - but thread your fingers through his in the same instant you sink down upon his cock, taking him halfway before pulling off with a pop!)

"Do you think you'll last long enough to fuck me?" You’re pushing his buttons on purpose, just like he had yours during the movie.

Something close to a snarl comes, a growl that reverberates out of that big cavernous chest of his, and he grips your hair tighter, tries to hold you still as he grins down at you. The expression is so at odds with the warmth in his eyes, the boyish tilt of his head.

You repeat the motion again and again, taking him a little bit deeper until the head brushes the back of your throat, reflexively swallowing around the intrusion. He's still so long and thick you haven’t even taken him all, drooling around his length, breathing through your nose and pushing past the desire to gag. Then you relax your jaw just a little more, humming when your nose brushes the neatly groomed patch of hair at his base.

Your free hand slinks across his thigh, nails digging into the meat, delighted by the flex of muscle and sinew beneath your hand. He's so hard, both on your tongue and beneath your touch. It prompts you to shift forward just a bit more - you can feel the slick on your thighs, dripping down onto the sheets with each movement - and trace across his thigh to gently palm his balls.

If you could speak, you’d probably ask for more. For Jungkook to use and abuse your throat as much as he wants. As it stands, you can only moan around him, spit and his pre-cum smeared over your lips.

“Look at you.” He’s talking to himself, lost in his own world as he fucks into your mouth, soothes the pad of his thumb over your cheek. You adore the way he sounds now, dazed and a little messed up. “Look so pretty with my cock in your mouth, ____.”

You can’t do much more than look up at him, batting your lashes when he compliments you, dragging your tongue everywhere you can reach as the head of his cock batters the back of your throat. It's not an easy feat, drool all the way down your chin, trailing down your neck and staining the silk of your camisole.

At some point, you’ll need to pull off - get a proper breath of air - but not now. Instead, you swallow around him, savouring the feeling of him filling your mouth, and squeeze gently at his balls. When you wink up at him, it's half-hearted and with moisture in your eyes, lining lashes in the form of little gemstones.

You do it again and again, moaning lewdly around his cock before it gets too much, pulling off of him with a gasping breath and tears down your cheeks. “Is it my turn yet?” You’re only half-joking, made needier by the soreness in your throat, the same you want to feel so desperately between your legs. Pressing a sweet, chaste peck to his head, tongue dipping into his slit to gather the pre-cum that leaks out, you offer the sweetest smile you can, saccharine sweet and soft.

“Your turn?” The way Jungkook snorts is derisive, playful. It pulls straight off his tongue - which finds yours, swapping spit as he guides you back to the bed. Teeth collide, lips grown swollen by the intensity of your kiss, and you startle when he nips hard at the bottom petal. “I thought you were shy.”

“I am,” you retort, returning the gesture, biting into the curve of his jaw with surprising repose. Colour blooms beneath the edge of enamel, a smattering of colour that makes you smile, eager to leave more.

Which you would do, if Jungkook weren’t stripping before you, peeling his shirt from his front, tugging it over his head in that weirdly hot way that somehow all boys did. It reveals skin in a single fluid pull, clothing discarded to the side before he levels you with a smile of his own, one that stirs to life the dimple in his cheek, eyes squinting with the intensity of his delight. He looks deceptively sweet this way, nothing like the demon who’d just stuffed his cock down your throat.

You’re not sure which version of him you like best.

Seeing him now, dressed in nothing but that absurd, devilishly handsome grin of his, you’re not prepared. You’re unsure where to look, gaze bouncing between the tattoos that crawl up his arms and span over his left pec, down the neatly defined ridges of his abs, and all the way back to his swollen, shiny cock.

“You’re drooling.” Of course it’s something he’d say - because he always knows what to say, plucking perfect words from thin air. The casual banter calms the rattle in your chest and refocuses it on his face that’s too close, looming over yours as his hands make quick work of your clothes, shedding the fabric from your form with deft, measured movements.

You’re ready to say something teasing - anything to distract from the fact that you’re still ogling him - when he catches you in another kiss, softer this time, infinitely sweeter. Suddenly, you’re shy - which really makes no sense, given what’s transpired.

"Don't make fun of me," you mumble, as bashful as you were during the movie, embarrassment burning across your cheeks. Arms rise to cover what little of your chest you can, folding around his broad palms that encompass them whole, tweaking at the straining buds.

“I’m not,” Jungkook reassures against your lips, face dropping into the crook of your neck. He nuzzles against you, sucking affection into the column of your throat, shamelessly laying a wreath of lust into the delicate skin. You wonder whether he can hear the stutter of your pulse, the reaction his next words elicit. “You’re pretty when you do it.��

You can’t quite pull your eyes away from his face, shrouded in lemon tart, so good-looking it’s unfair; his broad back and the muscle that threads it, undulating with each movement; or the way his thighs flex between your spread knees. You’re dragged through heaven and hell by the brush of his lips, each glide overstimulating your senses to the point of no return. You’re still burning up, all the foreplay leaving your legs like jelly, cunt dripping with need. "I bet you say that to all the girls."

Probably not the best thing to say with the position you’re in but the reality of the situation is hitting you and you’re feeling a little vulnerable. Want an answer that’ll soften the sharp edges of his teeth, the intoxicating glint in his stare.

“No, just you.” Whether it’s true or not, you can’t say for certain. You hope it is - wish upon a star for it, laying all your hopes and dreams into the constellations in his eyes. They’re lovely, winking down at you from the darkest depths, guiding you home.

You don’t mean to scoff - really, you don’t. It comes of its own accord, spilling forth like a glass too full.

“You don’t believe me?” He sounds almost offended, the picture of innocence when he reaches down, hand scrambling about for pooled black fabric. Comes back up with a packet between his index and middle finger, held aloft like a prize.

How can you when he’s ready to devour you whole, primed to feast as he rolls the condom over his length, stroking himself once, twice, gaze never wavering from where it rests between your legs.

“Always prepared.” It’s scathing but somehow tender, too mesmerised by the way he fucks into his loose fist. You’d say more - maybe make a flippant comment about his reputation - but can’t find the words when he’s teasing you, swollen head tapping teasingly over your core. It feels like too much, leaves you breathless when he hikes your legs up and nearly folds you in half.

When he presses into you, the sound you make is sinful, a moan you can’t help. Jungkook’s so fucking big you’re sure you’re about to split in half, pussy clenching tight around the sudden intrusion. “Oh my god,” you whine, hands coiling into his hair, trying desperately to relax, the sting of the stretch battling the pressure that builds as he sinks further in. “You’re so big. I c-can’t—” You’re starting to babble nonsense and he hasn’t even begun moving yet, lips hot over the sweat-slick column of his throat when he bows, burning his presence into the grace of your neck. A hickey of your own creation blooms right where your mouth is, right over his shoulder. The salt of his skin distracts you, makes it easier to accommodate the fullness. “You feel so good, Kook.” You rock experimentally beneath him, clenching tight as if to draw him deeper. “Please, move,” you beg, aiming to form another bruise beneath his skin.

The first thrust chases all the breath from your lungs, a gasp ricocheting off your tongue and into the minimal space between you. He's absurdly big, stretching you out so well that every stroke feels like heaven. When he pushes back in, snaps his hips in that easy, effortless motion of his, you’re making the most obscene noises, words lost to his hair as he lavishes your tits with attention.

B-big! is all you manage to squeak out. It sounds like that, anyway. With how he's filling you, it's hard to speak coherently; you can practically feel him in your throat. (Or maybe that's just from choking on him earlier. You’re not really sure.)

Hands find their way around his neck, over his shoulders, periwinkle-painted nails leaving light etchings in their wake. They bloom colour over his back - not too hard, careful still, motor skills barely functioning - before you tangle your fingers in his hair, holding him recklessly close as the pressure builds and builds, flooding your abdomen in heat.

There’s slick all across your thighs. You can hear the wet sounds each time Jungkook slips almost all the way out and then rocks back in. It's terribly messy and so hot but you’re greedy, drunk off the feeling of having this Adonis break you in half. "Harder, p-please." Eyes wide, you tug gently at the soft strands at the nape of his neck, meeting his with a flutter of your lashes. "Please?"

He acquiesces without hesitation, fucks you harder, deeper, like an animal in a rut. Grinds against you with each thrust, pushing you to your limits. Even has the audacity to push further, until the strain in your hips conflicts with the pleasure skipping up your spine, melting you into a boneless mass.

You’ve never felt like this, stretched out and used. You’re used to gentle lovers, sweet - if not boring - lovemaking. The way Jungkook's pounding into you is unheard of and you’re loving it, his name whimpered on a feedback loop. A steady Kook, Kook, Kook that twinkles in your ears, inarticulate and pleading as you rock shamelessly against him.

“You like that, ____?” It’s a question for his own ego, something he knows but asks anyway. (It’d be impossible not to know the answer when your cunt’s sucking him in, coating his cock in a pretty sheen.)

You’re nodding dumbly, breathless, eager to meet him each time he snaps forward. (It’s not easy like this, practically prone beneath him, twisted into a pretzel.) "Like it so m-much. Feels so good.” You can’t stop smoothing open mouthed kisses over his fluffy hair, basking in the sunshine that radiates off him.

There's an ache starting between your legs, pussy swollen around his thick length. You’re grateful for your natural flexibility, the hot yoga sessions you’d entertained on-and-off for years. You’re sure you’d feel it in your legs too, knees pushed all the way up by your ears, if not for that.

But still, you’re defenceless, made to experience each and every thing he has to offer: every vein and ridge, the head of his cock reaching so deep it's almost too much. With each stroke, Jungkook’s brushing against the sensitive spot that has pleasure skyrocketing, blossoming like a rose garden in spring. "R-right there," you manage, rolling your hips purposefully, nearly crying each time he brushes against your g-spot.

“Right there?” He parrots it back, infuriating and adorable, the teasing tenor dripping over you like raindrops. They settle beneath your skin, sinking into your bones as he rears back just enough, enough to steal a kiss that’s far more tongue than it needs to be.

It’s almost as if he’s trying to drown you, sink you beneath high tide.

Spit descends down your chin, trails over your neck and it’s a little gross but you don’t care. The attention he’s giving is shameless, passed over your cheeks, your throat, your breasts. He gives and gives, both with his lips and the praise that comes unfettered. “Perfect,” he hums, sucking your nipple into his mouth, worrying the bud until it’s straining and puffy, too sensitive when he kisses you again and your own thigh brushes against it. You whimper at the feeling, pulling softly at his hair, unsure whether you want less or need more. “So sensitive. Such a shy girl. Such a pretty girl.”

Every word of praise has you beaming, nearly purring with delight despite the pain that comes when he puts you through the same once more, laving over the other bud with abandon. He's sweat-slick, beads of it running down his neck, over the mosaic of bruises you’ve left behind. It's almost embarrassing how dark his throat is coloured, a dozen reminders left all over his skin.

(You wonder how long they’ll last, how many days will pass as the colour shifts, changing like autumn leaves. Whether they’ll still be there at your next lecture, if he’ll wear them with pride or cover up beneath one of his big baggy sweaters.)

(You hope it’s the latter.)

(Maybe he’ll let you give him more.)

(Maybe he—)

There’s a change of pace and you’re crying out, hiccupping with each thrust, the head of his cock finding your g-spot with unbearable, unrelenting precision. Clawing at his arms, long nails digging into the firm muscle of his biceps, something between a sob and a plea rolls off your tongue, over and over. "So big. It's too m-much.” And yet you don’t want him to stop, punch drunk from the way he reaches deep and pulls you tighter against him, hips risen off the bed.

You’re begging again, eyes rolled so far back in your head you can hardly focus, the coil in your stomach pulled so tight you know it's about to snap. When Jungkook laughs - a sweet giggle that proves his duality - you clench almost painfully, tears finally spilling over.

One last brush against your most sensitive spot, one last thrust of that monster cock, and you’re peaking, coming so intensely you feel as if you’re soaring. Everything's suddenly so much more wet, release soaking into the linens beneath you, coating your thighs and his legs and dripping between you.

You’ve never come like this before, without some sort of direct stimulation on your clit. It’s pleasurable in a different way, severing all your sensibilities, explosive in its magnitude. It tingles beneath your skin, flooding all your senses.

"Kook—please—come for me.” You’re rocking up, forward - trying to, at least, folded as you are - singing his name, pleading for him to fuck his cum into you (momentarily ignorant to the fact that you’ve been responsible, a thin wall of latex separating you from your fucked out fantasy).

Despite the sensitivity, you’re clenching around him, eager to bring him to his own high. You want to feel him come apart above you, eroded into a mess like you are.

He’s just as pretty reaching his peak as he is at any other time, handsome face screwed up as if he’s reached nirvana, bliss slacking his features the longer he rides it out, bucking into you as he fills the condom and still doesn’t stop. It’s almost unbearable, oversensitivity spilling into pleasure until he leisurely grinds to a halt, stops the inconsistent pressure against your bundle of nerves, the assault on your fluttering walls.

When he collapses against you, whole face squished between the valley of your breasts, you can’t help but laugh, the sound breathless and endeared. “Are you okay?” You don’t mind where he is, weight comforting, skin sticky on yours. He’s unbelievably warm - a blanket fresh from the wash and yet so much better, lulling you into a sense of security.

“Better than okay,” he murmurs against your chest, smothering open-mouthed kisses over skin, snickering when you jolt at the feel of his teeth over your nipple one last time. “You’re welcome.” It’s an indulgent, facetious expression of gratitude, one that you haven’t asked for. You laugh all the same, ducking your head into the crown of spun gold atop his head.

“You too.”

tag list. @neverthefirstchoice @youwannabelostandnotbefound @codeinebelle

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wildernessuntothemselves · 3 years

Text

Oppa Knows Best | Part 6

Word Count: 2.3k (short but super sweet) Genre: Angst, minimal smut Summary: How will Jaehyun react when you suggest that the two of you separate?

Warnings: violence, blood, manipulation, abusive relationship, suicidal thoughts, dub-con

Gif credit “I think… I need some time to think about this.” You say, wrapping your robe tighter around your naked body and warily glancing at Jaehyun who was now dressed in his boxers and pacing around the room. Just as predicted, he stops abruptly at your words and turns to you with barely contained wrath and exasperation. He was at the edge of his rope and you could tell. “You’ve had your time! I’ve waited years for you!”

You gulp, staring down at the knot tying your robe together, and seeing the thin fabric vibrate over your skin with the power of your erratic heartbeat. “I know but---can’t you wait just a little bit longer.... This is all too much for me and I-- I don’t know what I should do.”

“It’s always been too much for you. You’ve always run away from confronting this and I won’t let you run again. This ends tonight.” The finality of his words suffocates you. He has you trapped, forcing you to make a decision that you don’t even know if you can make.

“I didn’t know...I never wanted to hurt you, oppa.” You put your head between your hands, but his accusations still cut their way through to you easily. “You knew. No one is that fucking oblivious. You must’ve seen how you pulled away from me every time I tried to confess to you.”

Guilt eats away at you as you remember all the times you had inexplicably shied away from him every time you seemed to get close to getting what you’ve always wanted from him. You never understood it. You would just close up--the blood in your veins drawing back to your heart and pooling into your abdomen, leaving your limbs cold and shaky. You’d feel so imperiled, like any utterance of his potential love for you would make you bleed out. It didn’t make any sense but it was just so overpowering, a survival instinct, that you were forced to follow it. You couldn’t even discuss it with him, because how could you without revealing your true feelings for him? A prospect that terrified you just as much as the other one.

You shake your head, feeling your mind swelling up with confusion. “I can’t think right now, oppa.”

“There is nothing to think about. You’ve been running from this for years and look where it led us. You tried going after someone else, and look where it led us. You want me and I want you. We are made for each other. There is nothing else to think about.”

“But what if we’re not good for each other?” You whisper quietly, fearing the blasphemy your own tongue was speaking. “What if it’s not healthy…”

“And who told you that, your barista boy?” Jaehyun accuses indignantly, “What the fuck does he know about us? You had no business involving him in our lives. We were doing just fine before he came along.”

“No, we weren’t!” You can’t help your outburst when he’s always refusing to acknowledge the flaws in your relationship. Just because he ignores them, doesn’t mean they’re not there. The least he could give you is to acknowledge your problems and reassure you that he sees them too and wants to solve them. “You were controlling my life and treating me like a slut for sleeping with other guys.”

“You were whoring around. I was protecting you!”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about! You keep hurting me, and you don’t give a shit! You are so obsessed with getting me that you are willing to break me down so I’d only have you to turn to.” You shrill, unable to hold back your emotions.

“And you chased away any woman I could possibly be with so I’d only have you!” He shouts right back at you, not missing a beat.

The two of you are at a standstill, anticipating the other’s next attack, and you’re tired of it. You can’t keep doing this. So, full of worry and trepidation, you suggest, “Then maybe we should just stay away from each other for a bit. Take some time to look at things from a---”

“Don’t…” He grits out, fury coiling under his skin.

“I just think it might do us good if--”

“Absolutely not.” He barks at you, making you flinch back, and a thought like a parasite springs up into your mind, taking over you and forcing itself out into the world. “If you can’t even handle me stepping away for a bit then maybe we should just...stop.”

He stares at you in shock and betrayal, hardly believing what you were suggesting. “Don’t you dare.” He hisses, eyes red with tears.

“We can’t keep hurting each other, oppa.” You futility try to explain yourself to him, and perhaps to yourself too.

“No. You can’t do this to me. Not after everything I’ve been through for you. I won’t let you.” He grabs you by the arm, shaking you roughly and jostling the tears out of your eyes. “I love you so much, oppa, but--”

“No, fuck you!” He throws you on the bed, the veins in his neck bulging out as he screams at you. “You promised. You said you’ll never leave me.”

Your fingers dig into the blanket under you, trying to find something to tether yourself to as your world spins into chaos around you. “I was a child back then. I didn’t know how bad things would get.”

“No, you just didn’t have anyone else to latch onto back then, but now that you do, you’re throwing me out like yesterday’s garbage and hiding behind your bullshit excuses. I stayed loyal to you all this time. I never tried to replace you. I dumped Miyeon for you. I never pursued another woman for you. Everything I ever did was for you, and you're abandoning me the minute someone else gives you any attention?" He grabs your face and presses his forehead against yours. "I can't let you go. I won't. You're mine."

"You're hurting me, oppa." You tremble as his fingers dig into your jaw, but he doesn’t let up. "Maybe you deserve it. You're a selfish fucking bitch. All you do is take, take, take! You made me dedicate my entire life to you and now you want to leave? Fuck that."

“That's not fair! I waited so long for you.” You cry out, reaching out to him, needing him to reassure you that he believes you. You’re not some evil person that was playing with him all this time. You don’t want to leave him just because you have someone else now. No one could ever replace him.

But he throws you back against the bed before you can touch him and he whirls around the room like a hurricane, grabbing whatever he can get his hands on and chucking it against the wall, breaking anything and everything. “God-fucking-dammit!”

Soon the entire room is in disarray, but it does nothing to buffer his anger. You gasp in horror as his hand collides with the mirror, his skin breaking along with the glass. Seeing crimson blood gushing down his pale skin, you jump off the bed and run to him, your fear for him overpowering your fear of him.

But when you get close, he grabs you by the neck and slams you against the wall, the back of your head bouncing back against the concrete and the shock of the impact making your vision go spotty and your ears ring for a few seconds.

When you come to, you feel the warmth of his hand being replaced by something cool and jagged pressing against your neck, and you stare at him in horror, hardly believing what is happening, but there is no denying the resentment and malice murking up his warm brown eyes.

“I have no one else but you. You think I’ll just let you leave?” He asks, voice as jagged as the glass he has pressed against your throat

You close your eyes, a small part of you wishing he’d just do what he’s clearly threatening to do. You’d rather die than live in a world where your oppa would ever try to hurt you. You’ve been struggling for too long and you just want it to stop. This will be easier. You won’t have to fight anymore.

But you feel the glass move away from you and hear a thud as Jaehyun falls to his knees in front of you, sobbing loudly. “I love you so much. Why are you doing this to me?”

You feel a twinge of disappointment as you open your eyes and look down at the destitute man in front of you. He looks so small, so scared, resembling the little boy you had made that promise to so long ago and it makes you feel wretched. You were telling him you are going to take everything away from him again after promising him that you’d never leave--after telling him for years and years that you love him and that he’s the most important person in your life. You’re abandoning him just like his father did.

You feel the cold shard of glass on your skin again, this time in your palm as Jaehyun places it in your hand and closes your fist around it. “Kill me then. I’m already dead without you.”

You gasp, shaking your head and trying to pull your hand away. “Stop, please.”

But he tightens his hold around your fist, making your hand close tighter around the glass, the edges of it cutting into your palm. “No. I’ve shielded you from the consequences of your actions for so long. It’s time that you face what you’ve done to me.”

"I never meant to hurt you.” You wail as your own blood seeps between your fingers. “Please, oppa, stop this. I'm scared. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re killing me.” He insists, poking the skin of his neck with the sharp point of the glass, nicking a small area. “This is just quicker.”

"I won't leave. I swear I won't leave.” You choke out desperately, panicking at the trail of blood running down his neck. “Just stop it, please!”

He finally loosens his hold on your fist and you immediately drop the glass and pull your hand up to your face, watching the shaking, bloody mess it had become in horror.

"I love you so much, angel." You hear him say and feel his face nuzzling against your lower belly. You look down at him numbly and see him pulling your robe apart so he can lay kisses directly on your skin.

You can’t feel the warmth from his lips, not when your hand is gushing hot blood still. He doesn’t care though, continuing down your body towards your heat, seeking another warmth all-together.

You gasp when his tongue slides between your lips and your hand shoots out to clutch at his hair, not caring that you’re messing it up with your blood. Jaehyun’s mouth on you manages to warm you up a bit, and you focus all your attention on how his tongue feels licking around your clit, trying to drown out everything else, trying to pretend that this is just a normal day.

You almost fool yourself too--if it wasn’t for his quiet sobs that drift up to you every once in a while and the way his hair becomes matted and discolored with your blood, you could almost believe it. But when he stands up, his dick nudging between your legs, you can’t bear to look at him.

So you turn around and face the wall, feeling more than hearing the strained sound of pain emanating from his chest and flowing into your back. "I'll make it up to you, angel. I'll make us happy again. I promise you." He grunts, resting his forehead on your shoulder as he pushes inside you.

“It will be just like before.” He promises lowly, his words are a hiss in your ear, making you shudder. You bite down on your lip to keep down your own cries as he fucks you against the wall like he intends to prove to you just how much he means his words.

And you stand there and take it. You’re just so tired of fighting back. You don’t want to hurt anymore.

__________________

You lay in his arms in the bathtub, the hot water running down your bodies and carrying the blood with it making it look like a crime scene. And maybe it was. Here lies all your will to break free and every hope that things could change. They wash away from your body like cheap paint to reveal the scars Jaehyun has permanently etched on you, reminding you that he will never go away.

When the water stops running red with blood, he carries you out of the tub and into the bedroom where he dresses you up and bandages your wound, pressing a gentle kiss onto your palm once he’s done. With not a single evidence of the night’s violence on the both of you, he kneels down in front of you, and grabs your fidgety hands in his bigger ones, squeezing down on them and prompting you to look at him. When you do, you see the determination strong in his eyes and you wonder how he could possibly have the energy to fuel it when you were all dried up.

You decide that he must’ve stolen it from you.

"You will not communicate with that boy again. And it goes without saying that Soojin is out of my life too." He informs you.

You stay quiet, staring straight at him and he sighs, kissing your hands again before getting up to lay the both of you on the bed under the blankets. Pulling you in his arms, he rubs a hand up and down your side soothingly as he whispers quietly to you and smiles his dimpled smile, just like he always does, but it doesn’t look the same to you anymore.

"I won't let anyone tear us apart… even you."

________________________

A/N: I know this is super short but like there ain’t much else to say :’) I went with the ending that made the most sense so I hope you guys like it

#jaehyun smut #jaehyun angst #nct smut #nct angst

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jingabitch · 4 years

Text

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell - final

SUMMARY: when you were ten, taehyung adopted you and gave you a home. now that you’re eighteen, the sudden change in your scent perplexes and confounds him.

PAIRING: wolf hybrid!tae x human!reader (all bts members are hybrids)

WORD COUNT: 20.5k (lmfao)

RATING: explicit

A/N: yay this massive fic is finally done!! when i first started this i thought it would be like a 15k oneshot and now it’s a g i a n t. thank you to everyone who read this, left lovely comments and feedback, and cheered me on! not quite sure what i’m going to work on next, but nevertheless I hope to have your support for future projects too. :)

also, shoutout to my wonderful betas @knjkitten and @xoxrinaxox for going over this for me! yall are the greatest 💕

btw the last part of this isn’t betaed because google docs sucks and doesn’t sync reliably most of the time lmao. i’ll work on finding a better solution but in the meantime i hope there aren’t glaring mistakes.

series index

“The only recorded cases where a hybrid was able to move on from an imprint… is when the object of the imprint passed away.”

When the object of the imprint passed away.

You blinked at Namjoon in shock, unsure how to react. You certainly hadn’t been expecting such an extreme solution, and you hesitated audibly.

“Not that I’m suggesting that, of course,” he hastily reassured you. You nodded slowly, your mind still playing catch up. “We’ll figure out another way to manage it, all right? Don’t do anything crazy.”

“Okay.” You agreed, nodding robotically. It felt like your mind had short-circuited when he said that. You didn’t want to die. After all that had happened to you, you just wanted to live normally, safe and secure in your home.

Still, you couldn’t stop thinking about what Namjoon had said. Spring turned to summer, and then to fall, and it almost seemed as though you could forget about it entirely. Things were going well at home – you and Taehyung had settled into a new routine that was, if not ideal, comfortable enough, and you thought that he was coping fairly well with the imprint.

Now that everything was out in the open, it felt like an oppressive air had been lifted from the apartment. You understood now why Taehyung had done that to you, and while you still weren’t thrilled, at least you knew why. He was relentless in his attempts to show you his remorse, too, doting over you almost obsessively.

Gradually, you eased up around him, too. He was always respectful of your need for space. After the first night where you stayed in his room, you’d returned to your own room to think about how you wanted to proceed. All his cards were on the table now, and it was only fair that you figure yourself out. You still weren’t really comfortable being as close to him physically as you’d been before, and you were definitely leery of any sexual contact, both because of your traumatic experiences on the street as well as because of what Taehyung had done.

He handled your attempts to put more distance between the two of you with grace. You didn’t quite know whether he’d hoped to pick up where you’d left off, but you weren’t ready or willing to do that, and he didn’t push. That wasn’t to say that you weren’t acutely aware of the way his eyes would follow you around sometimes, almost predatorily, making the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Sometimes you could hear him sigh when you went into your own bedroom at night instead of his.

Still, he never made a move, and you understood probably better than anyone else that having an urge and acting on it were two different things. He couldn’t help the way he looked at you, wanted you, but he held it in as best he could to avoid making you uncomfortable. You saw, and you appreciated his effort. Even though he probably didn’t see it, you were trying too, to move past everything that had happened.

For Taehyung, though, this was like purgatory. Having you so close, just out of reach, unable to touch you, was driving him insane. It hadn’t been so bad at first, because his wolf could sense the sour notes of your fear and reacted accordingly, wanting to provide for you and comfort you. It was difficult maintaining his distance even then, of course, since his instincts demanded that he wrap himself around you to keep you warm and protect you from any threats. His wolf had never been the smartest, of course, failing to realize that it was Taehyung who was the threat.

As you started to ease up around him, though, was when the trouble truly began. When you looked at him and smiled, or didn’t flinch away when he accidentally touched you… every sign that you were finally starting to let your guard down around him, no matter how insignificant it seemed, was a win for Taehyung. He celebrated internally every time he noted a milestone, charting your progress silently. The unpleasant scent of your discomfort was slowly replaced by your natural, happy, fruity scent, the one his wolf found so alluring. Which, of course, meant that he was having a hard time keeping his instincts at bay.

If this was what the rest of his life was going to be like, it was going to be torture. He could handle it, though. He was determined to, for your sake – he would grit his teeth and bear anything you threw at him. He would not, under any circumstances, let his imprint ruin his relationship with you more than it already had.

---------------------------

Last year, when you were still happy and carefree, you’d noticed immediately when Taehyung went into pre-heat. It had been clear as day to you when you were attuned to him and paying attention – the increased neediness, the voracious appetite, how moody he had been. You’d broken up so many silly arguments between him and the boys, picked purely because Taehyung was in a bad mood.

This year, however, was different. Even though you’d started getting better with time, and Taehyung’s conscientious, careful treatment of you, it was clear you were still affected by your time on the streets. You sometimes avoided Taehyung’s gaze, ate as quickly as you could because you still remembered what it was like to be hungry, and slipped away from the table as soon as you were done with your meal. It was still difficult for you to sit quietly with Taehyung, since it required a level of comfort with him that you hadn’t managed to get back.

Even when you were with him, you were hunched over on yourself, cautious, trying not to do or say anything to anger him. Even though he’d explained why he’d kicked you out and took pains to assure you that it would never happen again, you couldn’t forget the memory of him grabbing your arm and dragging you out of his apartment, throwing you out like garbage. It made sitting with him a far more difficult and uncomfortable endeavor than it had been in the past.

When Taehyung started going into preheat, the boys were on tour, which meant you were too. It was an East Asian tour – a short one, just six weeks, kind of a warm up before the global tour that was going to start next spring. The tour had been, to say the least, stressful. Before, they’d been great fun. Who wouldn’t love the opportunity to travel around the world, getting to eat different things and be spoiled by the boys and their entire crew? While everyone had to work, your life had basically been one giant vacation.

Now, though, things were different. As awkward as you felt around Taehyung, you’d had to act normally in front of all the cameras that were perennially trained on you. That meant giggling, smiling, cuddling up to all the boys, especially Taehyung, and never letting your guard down. Because of the boys’ social media presence, even the hotel rooms weren’t always safe, and it had been exhausting.

Taehyung was equally stressed out, trying to act nonchalant in front of the cameras when you clung onto him and plopped yourself into his lap for cuddles every day the way you used to. He quickly became an expert at shifting you around to avoid making you uncomfortable when his body reacted instinctively, and on not overreacting to your proximity. No stiffening (ha), no sharp inhales, or wide eyes, or anything else that would tip off the fans, who were basically detectives.

Knowing his heat was coming didn’t make dealing with the symptoms of it as it approached easier. This was already shaping up to be the worst heat he’d ever had, and it hadn’t even started yet. His increased sensitivity to scent made it all the more difficult to pretend like he wasn’t affected by you, and as the tour dragged on (and his preheat symptoms intensified) he could also see you withdrawing, the stress of pretending like everything okay evidently too much for you.

When the tour finally ended and you were back at your apartment, you immediately made a beeline for your bedroom and shut the door after you, desperate for time to yourself after spending weeks on end surrounded by the boys. Humans didn’t get their own hotel rooms, after all. It just wasn’t in the budget.

You’d think that spending so much time basically glued to his side would have made it easy for you to realise that he was going into heat, but that wasn’t the case at all. The more time you spent without a break with him and everyone in the crew having to keep up the act, the more it took out of you, until you were barely able to take in anything from being so stressed out all the time. Being so occupied with controlling your own reactions to being so close to Taehyung meant that all your attention was focused on yourself, instead of on your surroundings, and the fact that he was acting weird barely blipped on your radar.

Taehyung looked sadly at the closed door separating the two of you and sighed. Even though things had slowly started to improve, you were still clearly holding yourself away from him, and as much as he understood why and wanted to respect your need for space, his impending heat was making things difficult, bringing his animal side to the forefront and making it harder for him to resist his impulses.

As embarrassing as it was, he steeled himself to have an awkward conversation with you about it tomorrow morning. It was, somewhat surprisingly, the first time he’d ever had to tell you that he was going into heat. In the earlier years that you’d been his pet, all the boys had worked together to keep you from being too exposed to that aspect of their unique biology, and the only difference you noted during his heat was that Taehyung spent a lot of time shut in his own room while the other boys took turns playing with you.

Later on, you figured out fairly quickly what was up, and cottoned on to the symptoms that his heat was approaching easily. By the time you were fifteen, you had established a comfortable pattern and he’d never had to explain to you in words that his heat was coming – you just always knew, based on how differently he acted and the time of year.

It was almost tempting to go back to the way they’d dealt with his heats when you were a child – pawning you off onto his brothers and struggling through it alone without having to have an overly intimate conversation was probably the last painful option. In light of last year’s disastrous heat, though, he figured it was only fair that he let you know what was going on.

He scrubbed his hands down his face with a groan. Why had things gotten so complicated? All he’d wanted had been some companionship, and now there was this huge problem staring the both of you in the face that no one had asked for. Not for the first time since finding out about the imprint, he wished that he hadn’t been born a hybrid.

-----------------------------------

You woke up in the morning in your own bed, relieved to be back in your own space after having to share a hotel room with Taehyung for six weeks straight. You hadn’t shared his bedroom since that night, months ago, when he told you everything, and he never pushed, a fact for which you were grateful.

Still, morning meant you had to get up and prepare breakfast, since Taehyung was all but useless until noon. Feeling rejuvenated from the best night of sleep you’d had in weeks, you pushed the covers away and headed for the bathroom. You’d established a new morning routine with Taehyung now that you weren’t sleeping in the same room anymore, that gave you a little more space in the mornings. You’d use the bathroom and prepare breakfast while he got ready, then he’d eat while you got ready.

Today, however, was different. You’d placed his breakfast on the counter and were going back to your room to get your clothes when Taehyung cleared his throat.

You stopped short right as you were about to round the counter and leave the kitchen, your eyes darting towards Taehyung. Had he made that noise on purpose or was he doing that stupid sleepy grunting thing he did when he didn’t feel like getting up?

He stared back at you, and you couldn’t read the expression in his eyes. Damn. So he’d made the noise on purpose then to get your attention, then.

“Y/n, I have to tell you something.”

That sounded serious. You moved back to where you were so that you were standing directly across the counter from him. “What is it?” you asked curiously.

Cue some more awkward throat-clearing and avoiding eye contact.

“Uhhh… you know it’s autumn now, right?” Taehyung started.

You raised your brow. “Uh, yes…?” Did he just want to talk to you about the weather? That seemed very unlike him, especially this early in the morning.

“So… winter is coming soon?”

“Yes… that is what autumn usually means.” You didn’t mean to get snippy with him, but his wishy-washy attitude was starting to grate on your nerves.

“Right, so, um… I’m going into heat…?” Taehyung mumbled his words directly into his plate, his shoulders hunched over as he cringed, not quite daring to look up and see your expression.

Your mind was racing, panic threatening to overwhelm you when you remembered what had happened during his last heat. You’d almost lost control then and let him have his way with you, and it was what had started this whole thing anyway. As you were freaking out, your heart rate picked up rapidly, and Taehyung could hear it even if he wasn’t looking at you.

“Hey, whoa, what’s happening?” Taehyung asked, holding his hands out placatingly. You took a deep breath and refocused on him.

“Are you okay?” his brow furrowed as he watched an array of emotions cross your face in quick succession.

“Yeah,” you said, though your voice was a little choked. “I’m fine. What do you want to do about your heat?” you asked, trying to calm your racing heart. Wild panic was definitely not the best way to go here.

Still eyeing you suspiciously, Taehyung told you, “Well, I’m sure Suga-hyung wouldn’t mind it if you stayed with him for a week or so…”

The suggestion was so unexpected that it completely wiped out your distress, replacing it with shock instead. You gaped at him, unable to find the words to ask him the question you wanted to ask.

Thankfully, despite everything that had happened between you Taehyung was still fairly good at reading you, and he hurried to reassure you. “Oh, don’t worry about all of that,” he said, referring to the imprint and the fact that during his last heat he’d basically gone feral for you. “I’m sure it won’t be too bad.”

You could see on his face though that even he didn’t believe his own words. Even though you appreciated his attempt to smile and muscle through it for you, you couldn’t help but remember how miserable and out of it he’d been during his last heat when you refused him, and your heart squeezed at the thought of him going through it again.

Seeing your clear doubt, Taehyung smiled at you, though it was a little strained and didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I- I’m not,” you immediately denied, your voice shaky and unconvincing.

“Okay,” Taehyung accepted easily, not believing you for a second. “Go get ready.”

You hesitated then. “Actually… I think I might stay home today.”

“Oh… okay,” Taehyung said, this time slightly dejectedly.

“I just started a new book,” you offered, a lame excuse to try and spare his feelings. He nodded, acknowledging your effort, but it was clear the conversation was over.

“Well… have a good day at work then,” you said, before escaping back into your room.

---------------------------------------

As much as you wished you could say you’d taken on the role of martyr quickly and decisively, the truth couldn’t be any more different. It took days of agonizing over the decision, days in which you stayed mostly alone in your room, pacing up and down despite Taehyung’s repeated pleas from right outside your door to come out and tell him what was bothering you.

You ignored him, knowing there was no way you could tell him. You didn’t know if Namjoon had told Taehyung about the rather radical solution that he’d found to the imprint, but you didn’t want to hear anything Taehyung said about it. The best case scenario would be that he told you insincerely that he didn’t want you to do anything rash, that he could live with it, even though you could see in his eyes and every fiber of his being that he just wanted to be free of the imprint. The worst-case scenario… you shuddered to think about it.

No, this was a decision you had to make alone.

On the one hand, you really didn’t want to die. After everything you’d already been through, why did you have to make the ultimate sacrifice for Taehyung? The injustice made you want to scream in anger at the sky, roll around and pound your fists against the ground. You’d never asked for any of this. All you’d ever wanted was to be a good pet, to love and be loved by your owner.

Then again – Taehyung hadn’t asked for any of it either. He’d gone into all of this with the same hopes as you, just wanting companionship and a cute pet. Instead he’d gotten arguably the short end of the stick, far more affected by the imprint than you were. After all he’d given you over the past nine years, was this the best way you could pay him back? By setting him free?

Even if you stayed alive, what kind of life would this be? Stuck in this uncomfortable situation without any way out, living indefinitely with Taehyung? It was torture for the both of you. Even though he tried to hide it, to show you a brave, unaffected face, and never made you feel bad about anything, you knew he was suffering. You could feel the way his eyes sometimes followed you around hungrily, even if he himself was unaware of the way he was looking at you. During the tour, whenever you’d glomp him in front of the cameras to play the role of an adoring pet human, you could feel him stiffen ever so slightly and hold his breath to avoid inhaling your scent. Was this really the way you wanted to spend the rest of your life, pretending to be a devoted and adorable pet when neither of you enjoyed it?

You’d never felt so trapped before. There were no other options for you – you were too old to be adopted again since everyone wanted babies, and in any case, you were sure Taehyung wouldn’t let you go. Having you somewhere in the world but away from him would be torturous for him given the nature of the imprint, and even in your darkest moments, when you resented him and wanted him to suffer the way you had and were continuing to, you wouldn’t wish that on him.

Why were your only options staying put or death? The unfairness of it all, the feeling that you’d been wronged by the universe, twisted your insides. You wanted to cry, but you’d cried so much over the past few days that your eyes hurt and you didn’t think you had any more tears in you.

The worst part was that you knew this was difficult for Taehyung too. He’d barely left the apartment in the days since his announcement, when he came back from the studio on the first day and found you in your room. Despite your best attempts to cry quietly, his keen hybrid ears picked up the sounds of your muffled sobs and sniffles and he’d been camped outside your bedroom door ever since, begging you to let him in, to tell him what was going on and let him help you.

His heartfelt pleas tore at your heart, and you found yourself sitting on the ground with your back against the door to be close to him even though you needed to be alone, in the same position you’d found yourself in almost a year ago – Taehyung begging to be let in, and you in tears as you refused, for his own good. The irony was not lost on you.

Ultimately, though, you knew the choice had always been clear. Between setting the both of you free and staying trapped in this purgatory, you’d always choose the former.

It didn’t make going through with it any easier, though. Even though you knew rationally that this was the best option, your instincts urged you to cling to life. You could always go back to the streets, hitch a ride out of Seoul and try to eke out an existence by yourself in the countryside. You knew how to grow fruits and vegetables from living with Taehyung’s parents, and you wouldn’t starve. As you lay in bed on what you’d decided would be the last night of your life, you allowed yourself the comfort of dreaming about what such a life might be like. One where you didn’t need to worry about where your next meal was going to come from, or pleasing someone else, where you could live independently, just you and your little garden.

You fell into a restless sleep that night, the tears you’d thought you didn’t have any more streaking your face.

-----------------------------------

When you opened your bedroom door the next morning, Taehyung, who’d been leaning against the door while he slept, fell backwards into your room. He jolted awake before he hit the floor and managed to catch himself, leaving you impressed, as always, with his superior hybrid reflexes.

“Good morning,” you murmured as he blinked up at you sluggishly.

“Y/n…” he said softly, his mind still foggy from sleep. “Good morning,” he replied reflexively.

“Did you stay out here all night?” you asked, squatting to bring your face closer to his.

He cleared his throat and nodded, and your heart squeezed from how cute he was when he’d just woken up. You wished you’d gotten to see more of it, and maybe in a different world, you’d have gotten a shot at a happy ending. Thinking about it too much kind of made you want to cry, so you started to stand up to go brush your teeth.

Quick as a dart, his hand snaked out to capture yours, and you looked down at him in surprise. He rarely initiated physical contact anymore, after learning about your trauma, but since he was still half-asleep, old habits came back to the surface. “What is it, Taehyung-oppa?” you asked, kneeling back down.

“I have to go to the studio today,” he rasped in his deep, early morning voice. You suppressed a shiver – as difficult as you found it to be around him sometimes, your body had never forgotten the initial attraction you’d had towards him a year ago, and when he was sleepy and pliant like this he almost seemed like a different person from the cruel man who’d forced you onto the streets.

“Okay,” you accepted easily. In truth, you didn’t understand why he was telling you this – you knew he had to go in. They were already preparing for the world tour next spring, and you were surprised that he’d spent the last two days camped outside your bedroom door when he should really be at work with the rest of the boys. “I’ll go get your breakfast ready,” you said, looking pointedly down at your hand still enveloped in his. He needed to let go if you were going to help him get ready.

“Wait,” he said, blinking the last of the sleep out of his eyes. Yesterday Namjoon had called him to ream him out for not turning up for practice for two days in a row, and even though he’d been understanding about the whole situation with you, knowing that Taehyung was always worried about you now, he’d still told Taehyung in no uncertain terms that he couldn’t just shirk his responsibilities to his bandmates and fans like he’d been doing for the past few days. Taehyung had wanted to stay home with you because you were so clearly upset about something, but he’d been neglecting his duties at work long enough.

“I- I know you’re upset about something,” Taehyung began haltingly. He didn’t know exactly what it was, since you’d refused to tell him, but since it had started right after he told you about his heat, he could pretty much guess that it was related to that. Approaching it, however, was difficult since he didn’t know how to go about it tactfully, especially in the mornings, since it took so damn long for him to get his act together. He really should have written this down last night.

“Y/n…” He stopped, swallowed, then started again. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

That caught your attention, and you froze, staring at him with wide eyes.

“I know you hate this imprint,” he choked out, and the words felt like sand leaving his mouth because of how difficult it was to express thoughts that went so directly against his instincts. “I don’t like it either, and I promise you that I’ll never force you to do anything you don’t want to do, okay? You’re safe here.” Even though he meant well and was trying to reassure you, his admission that he didn’t want the imprint either made you all the more certain of your decision.

“I understand,” you said, reaching out to pet his ears soothingly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” he accepted. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Promise. Even if it’s about the imprint.” His gaze searched yours imploringly, like he didn’t quite know how to reassure you of his sincerity.

“I know,” you agreed. You really didn’t agree with that, but you’d say anything to get that hangdog expression off his face.

He stared at you for a couple more seconds, then let you go with a nod. “All right, then,” he said, looking slightly embarrassed as you fled to the bathroom.

You blinked back tears as you made his breakfast for the last time, feeling Taehyung’s gaze boring into the back of your head from where he sat at the counter waiting for you to finish. He was still worried about you, you knew, though he wouldn’t pry anymore since you’d shut him down. You both loved and hated him for that.

When you set his plate down in front of him, you tried not to look at him because you were barely keeping it together as it was. Then you realized that this was probably the last time you would have the opportunity to and swung your gaze from the countertop to his face, taking it all in greedily.

Taehyung was still looking at you, and when you looked back, your eyes met, which you were completely unprepared for. Your jaw dropped slightly in surprise as he stared intently at you, and in that moment, you felt stripped bare for him, like he was looking effortlessly into your soul. It was too much for you, and you averted your gaze out of embarrassment, hating how vulnerable he could make you feel. Before, you hadn’t minded it, had thought it was a sign of your affection and trust for each other, but after your security in this home had been stripped away, it just scared you.

“Do you want to come with me to the studio today?” Taehyung asked. He was still watching you with that unsettling, piercing gaze, and you shook your head without looking back at him.

“Are you sure, Y/n-ie?” Something was off, Taehyung could feel it, and his instincts were ordering him to keep you by his side. Imprinting wasn’t magic, but it meant he was always hyper-attuned to you. With his hybrid senses, he could hear the erratic beating of your heart, smell the salt of the tears you tried so hard to keep at bay, see the distress written clearly across your face. There was clearly something bothering you, and it killed him to know that he was the cause of it and that he’d ruined the trust between the two of you so much that you were too afraid to talk to him about it. He’d always been there for you, and the fact that you weren’t letting him in now cut him up inside.

“Yeah,” you said, forcing a smile as you looked back at him.

His brow furrowed in concern. “Okay, I’ll call Namjoon and tell him that I can’t come in today either then.” He reached for his phone, sitting next to his plate on the counter.

“What? No,” you protested, snatching the phone before he could grab it. “You need to go to work; I know Namjoon-oppa will be mad if you skip again.”

Taehyung’s frown deepened. “I don’t want to leave you alone when you’re like this,” he objected.

“Tae-oppa, I’m fine. Please just go to work,” you begged, using the old nickname you had for him for good measure. You hadn’t called him that since before he kicked you out, and you could see him softening in front of you.

“Are you sure?” he asked, leaning forward slightly to get a better look at you – not that he needed it, with his enhanced wolf vision.

“Yeah.” You nodded, smiling tremulously at him.

“Okay. I’ll see you when I get home then.” Taehyung got up and got ready to leave, and you followed him to the front door. As he was putting his coat on, you sidled up to him and wrapped your arms around him in a hug, the first one you’d voluntarily given him since he’d found you at Hangang Park.

“What’s all this?” he asked, bemused, even as his arms wrapped around you. His wolf just couldn’t resist, and you were so cute, nuzzling into the hollow between his collarbones like you were scenting him. Humming with pleasure, he dropped his head to the top of yours, sniffing your hair.

“Nothing,” you said, your voice slightly muffled. You pulled back a little so you could look up at him, and for a second, your faces were so close that he could have just dipped his head slightly to kiss you. The temptation was overwhelming, especially since you’d initiated the hug, but Taehyung held it together – just barely. You squeezed him a little tighter and it took everything in him to stay still, praying that you wouldn’t notice the erection starting to form in his pants.

Obviously, you did notice it, since it was pressed into your belly, but you graciously ignored it, knowing that he couldn’t help it. Knowledge of your impending mortality made such things seem less significant, anyway.

When you finally released him and took a step back, he blinked for a moment, slightly bereft. Without your warmth pressed against him he felt a little cold, even though he knew it was ridiculous. Still, he had to leave, so he brushed your hair behind your shoulder fondly and asked, “Are you sure you’ll be okay at home?” one last time.

“Yes,” you stressed, pushing him gently out the door. “I’ll be fine, I promise, Tae-oppa.” He still looked a little dubious, but you’d distracted him by calling him that again, and he left with a small smile on his face.

With the door firmly shut behind Taehyung, you leaned against it and sank onto the ground. Just getting him out of the house had been exhausting, and you didn’t know if you actually had the strength to end your own life. Your breath shuddered out of your lungs and you tipped your head back against the door.

Even though you were now alone, you were afraid to give in to your emotions because you didn’t know if you would have the courage to go through with it if you let the fear take over. Instead, you mechanically got on with your morning routine, washing the dishes and tidying up. You avoided the bathroom because you knew what was there.

Since Taehyung had been having trouble sleeping without you in his bed, he’d gotten a prescription for sleeping pills which he kept in the bathroom cabinet. He didn’t use them all the time, you knew, just the nights that were particularly bad. If you thought hard enough, it would be easy to connect the times when he couldn’t sleep to your ovulation cycle, but you were determined to ignore that.

It wasn’t until hours later that you opened the bathroom cabinet and found the pills. You reached into the cabinet, your hands trembling, and closed your fingers around the small bottle. Your legs wouldn’t work properly when you went back to your room and shut the door, and it felt like every muscle in your body was already stiff.

Looking down at the bottle in your palm, you bit your lip to prevent tears from leaking out again. You rolled the container back and forth a little, looking at the sticker with Taehyung’s name on it. The recommended dose was half a pill to one.

Breathing out heavily, you steeled yourself to open the bottle, but you couldn’t do it. With a sigh, you placed it down on your bedside table, staring at it. The little orange bottle with a white cap sat innocently where you’d left it, like it was mocking you.

-----------------------------

Something had been off all day, Taehyung could feel it. Obviously, there was no supernatural aspect to the imprint, but he’d been living with you for almost ten years now, and you weren’t as good at hiding your emotions as you thought you were. Worrying about you consumed almost all of his focus, and he was a complete mess during dance practice – even Namjoon was doing better than he was.

After the third time Hoseok had stopped practice to yell at him, Namjoon intervened, taking Taehyung aside to talk to him in the hallway.

“Tae, what’s been going on with you recently? You skip out on practice for two days, and now it’s like you’re not even here when you are.”

Taehyung shrugged, averting eye contact. He was ashamed of how he was acting, because he knew it was stressing his brothers out too when they were already freaking out over the comeback tour, but he just couldn’t get you out of his mind. “I’m sorry, hyung. Y/n’s been acting a little strange recently, and I’m just worried about leaving her alone,” he explained.

Namjoon’s expression softened. “Do you need to talk about it?” he offered.

“I don’t know. She’s been acting a little strange since the tour ended, and after I told her that my heat is coming up…” he blushed. Hybrids weren’t shy when talking about their heats – it was a normal bodily function for them, after all – but since Taehyung had the imprint, any mention of the heat implied that he couldn’t stop thinking about the way his pet human smelled and tasted. Even though he was coming to accept that the imprint, and by extension, his desires, were not his fault, it was still awkward and embarrassing for him to talk about it. He hadn’t told anyone about it other than you, so only Namjoon knew.

“Yeah? What’s been going on? Maybe she’s just stressed out about it,” Namjoon tried to reassure his brother. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know…” Taehyung pursed his lips in thought. “She spent the last couple of days locked up in her room and I kept hearing her crying. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, though.”

Namjoon was starting to get a sinking feeling in his stomach. Was this related to the conversation he’d had with you so many months ago?

“And she was really weird today, too. You know she gave me a hug?” Try as he might, Taehyung couldn’t stop the dreamy note from entering his voice. As uncharacteristic as it had been for you, he’d missed your physical affection so much that he couldn’t bring himself to complain about it.

“That sounds nice. Why are you worried then?” Namjoon prompted.

“I don’t know. She just seemed really upset even though she was trying to hide it.” Taehyung frowned. “I even offered to stay home again to keep her company, but she basically forced me to leave the house.”

His jaw tightening, Namjoon’s mind raced. “You should go back to check on her if you’re worried,” he told Taehyung.

“What? But practice and everything, I can’t just abandon you guys-” he protested.

“Please, as if you’re helping us out in your current state.” Namjoon rolled his eyes. “Go, I’ll cover for you with the others.”

“Okay. Thank you, hyung,” he said gratefully before running down the hall to the elevator.

------------------------------------

You picked up the bottle again, shaking it a little and hearing the noise as the pills rattled against the container. “Okay, now or never,” you psyched yourself up with a deep breath. Of course, you’d rather it be never, but you pushed that thought out of your mind. This was for Taehyung, you reminded yourself.

The bottle cap had a child lock on it, which was truly ridiculous when you stopped to think about it, because adult humans were definitely more able to open a stupid bottle cap than a hybrid child was. If they were going to restrict access to prescription medication, a human-proof lock would be better.

Then again, you mused sardonically, most humans were smart enough to know not to break into medicine cabinets and eat whatever they saw, so it was probably seen as redundant.

Opening the bottle easily, you turned it over and emptied the contents into your hand. You dropped the bottle onto the covers next to where you were sitting and reached for the glass of water you’d prepared on your nightstand. Your hand trembled so much, though, that you had to work extra hard to get a good grip on the glass, and even then, you spilled a bit on the bed.

Slowly, you unclenched your hand and stared at the pills. Closing your eyes, you tossed them all into your mouth, then brought the glass of water to your lips. Come on, you thought to yourself. It would all be over soon – all the suffering that you’d experienced in the last year. Just a couple of minutes, and you would slip into blissful sleep. No more nightmares, no more trauma…

Now that you’d decided on this path, the knowledge that you wouldn’t need to continue living such a painful existence was almost a relief to you. Finally, you tipped the glass a little so water filled your mouth and swallowed. You finished the water before setting the glass back on the bedside table, then stretched out so you were lying on your side, facing the door.

Although it was too soon to feel the effects of the sleeping pills, you felt an incredible wave of peace wash over you, and you closed your eyes. Soon, all of this would be over. You’d be free, setting down all your burdens.

Right before you faded out of consciousness, you vaguely registered your phone vibrating against the bedside table, but your eyelids were too heavy to lift, and it felt impossible to raise your hand to pick it up to see who was calling.

----------------------------------------

The sense of dread and discomfort Taehyung felt brewing in the pit of his stomach only intensified as he drove back home, and by the time he parked his car, the unease bordered on panic. He’d been attempting to call you the whole time, but you hadn’t picked up, which was strange for you – you’d not been far from your phone ever since you’d gotten your first. It was just lucky that he hadn’t been pulled over or gotten into an accident from how poorly he’d been driving, his gaze constantly flicking from the road to his phone.

He raced up to his apartment as quickly as possible, bursting through the door like a madman. Every second felt like life or death, and he’d almost broken the elevator buttons from pressing on it so hard so many times. “Y/n?” he called, his voice echoing through the apartment the moment he stepped through the door.

There was no response to break the ominous silence, only the deafening sound of his heart pounding in his ears. Kicking off his shoes, Taehyung walked quickly through the corridor, peeking into the kitchen and living room as he passed them to make sure you weren’t in either of those rooms.

“Y/n?” he called again, his voice starting to sound slightly manic. He hoped more than anything that you would appear from around the corner and laugh at him for getting so worked up over nothing, but there was no sound or movement. Your bedroom door was shut, so he knew you hadn’t left the apartment, because you never shut it after you.

Stopping in front of your room, he knocked on the door. “Y/n, are you there? Can you let me in, please?”

Silence.

“Y/n?” He knocked again, a little more insistently.

When there was still no response, he opened the door hesitantly and peeked in. “Y/n?” When he saw you lying on your bed, he relaxed for a moment, thinking that you were just taking a nap. In fact, you looked so peaceful like that, with all the lines in your face from that tense expression you always wore around him smoothed out.

He stepped into the room and realized only then that something was wrong. You were breathing too slowly, and your heart rate was sluggish. Looking closer, he saw the empty pill bottle lying on its side next to you and his panic rocketed through the roof.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed, rushing to you. “Y/n? Y/n!” he tried to shake you awake, to no avail.

“Shit,” he hissed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to prop you up. Your head lolled listlessly. “Y/n, please,” he begged, tears pricking at his eyes that he tried to blink away. He had to keep it together, or you wouldn’t make it.

Setting you back down on the bed, he called the ambulance hotline. The moment he heard the click that meant someone had picked up, he started explaining what had happened, the words spilling out of him in his urgency. “My human, she’s swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills, I don’t know what to do, I—” His voice broke on a sob.

“Sir? Please remain calm. I’ll send an ambulance; can you provide your address?” The person manning the hotline’s soothing voice helped Taehyung, and he took a deep breath as he told her the address.

“An ambulance will be there ASAP. In the meantime, it would be helpful if you could induce vomiting to start removing the drug from her system.”

Taehyung tossed his phone onto the covers and pushed his sleeves past his elbows. “Induce vomiting…” he muttered to himself, his hands hovering uncertainly over your face. “Uhhh…”

Gingerly, he slid one hand under your neck to hold your head off the mattress slightly and winced as he stuck two fingers in your mouth, gently probing at the opening of your throat. No response.

“Fuck, come on…” he said, voice strained as he pushed a little harder and felt you gag. Encouraged, he did it again, and it felt like your whole body convulsed as you started throwing up.

“Gross,” he cried, unable to retract his hand fast enough. He tilted your head so you didn’t choke on your own vomit, and it fell onto the floor instead. He wrinkled his nose – the smell was awful, especially to his enhanced hybrid senses – but he could see the pills lying among the mess, and he sagged in relief, bracing his arms against the bed on either side of your prone form as he bowed his head, his forehead just barely touching your stomach.

And then the paramedics arrived, and everything was a blur of motion that Taehyung could barely keep up with. You were lifted onto a stretcher and someone was wiping off his hand, then he was following the paramedics out while answering their questions about you. Turns out, he didn’t know a lot about what you’d been doing before you decided to do this.

On the way to the hospital, he sat in the ambulance clutching your hand, hovering anxiously above you and watching your face for any sign of discomfort or pain. There was none, of course. You were still out cold, but watching you made him feel useful, and reassured him that you were still breathing and okay. His wolf was frantic, and it was difficult to keep his baser instincts under wraps when his control was so frayed by his emotional state, but he had to, for your sake.

It became almost a mantra for him during the traumatic hours when they wheeled you off into the hospital, pumped your stomach and gave you other drugs to get the sleeping pills out of your system. He reminded himself sternly that he could not give in to his animal instincts, rip into the doctors and nurses who were causing you pain and growl at everyone to leave you the fuck alone. It had been easier staying in control of his animal side when there was a task at hand that he needed to focus on to help you, but now that there was nothing to do but sit around, he felt like he was going crazy, the two sides of his psyche at war with each other.

He sat in the corridor right outside the room you were in, listening to the sounds coming from within: the beeping, the yelling from the doctor and nurses as they tried to save your life, and worst of all, the revolting sounds that came with you having your stomach pumped. You regained consciousness briefly during that time, and your cries of distress and pain were agonizing to listen to. Unaware that there was nothing he could do, his wolf side snarled and begged for him to help, to snatch you away from the people who were torturing you. He bowed his head, sat on his hands and cried along with you.

It wasn’t until you were safely in your own room in the hospital, cleaned up and asleep in your bed with an IV drip in, that Taehyung could finally relax, knowing you would be all right. He texted Namjoon to tell him what had happened, then just sat with you, waiting for you to wake up.

---------------------------------------

The room was dark, you noted sluggishly. The door was open, and some light spilled in from the hallway, but the ceiling was barely lit with a dim yellow. It was kind of soothing, you thought as your eyes slid shut again. Everything felt heavy and ached, so you didn’t bother trying to move. It was easier to just go back to sleep.

The next time you woke up, the room was bright again, and when you tried to lift your hand to your face to block out the light, you found that you couldn’t. This was concerning until you turned to see Taehyung, slumped on the bed with his cheek resting against your hand.

You wriggled your fingers a little, just to check that you still could, and the motion woke him up. He blinked slowly, his vision blurry for a second, until he realized where he was and jolted upright. It was probably the fastest you’d ever seen him wake up, and you wanted to make a dig at his expense about it, but when you tried to speak, you realized how dry your throat was.

“Water,” you croaked, and Taehyung leapt to do your bidding, bringing you a paper cup filled with water. You reached out to take the cup from him, but he refused to hand it over, helping you sit up with one arm while feeding you the water with the other. When the cool liquid touched your lips, you sucked it down eagerly, unaware until that moment how very thirsty you actually were.

“Slowly,” Taehyung cautioned. Ignoring him, you drained the cup and asked for more.

When you’d had three whole cups of water, he helped you find the remote control for the bed so that you could sit up comfortably. The blanket pooled around your hips and Taehyung continued fussing over you, making sure you were comfortable.

“I’m fine, oppa,” you said, batting his hands away gently. He looked up at you, his face so close to yours, and the anguish you saw in his eyes took your breath away. “Oppa… are you okay?” you asked, cradling his face with your hand. You swept your thumb across his cheek as his eyes closed. He was supposed to be okay… that was the whole point.

“I should be asking you that question,” he forced out, his voice thick with emotion as he sat back down heavily. “Y/n… why did you do it?”

Swallowing hard, you looked away from him and refused to say anything.

“Y/n, please…” he begged. “I want to help you. That’s all I want.” He leaned forward, trying to meet your eyes, but you slid your gaze away again. “If you won’t talk to me, will you talk to a psychologist or a therapist?”

Your eyes widened in panic and you turned back to face him so fast he thought he might have heard your neck crack. “I can’t talk to anyone else about this!” you cried out. “You know we can’t tell anyone about the… the…” As you realized what you’d almost blurted out, you clammed up, clutching at your blanket in distress as you lowered your gaze.

“Is this… about the imprint?” Taehyung asked, his voice shaky now. You didn’t reply, but the damage was already done. “Y/n, I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his voice choked. He sniffled and blinked away tears. “I know this has been difficult and unfair for you,” he continued. “If you want to leave me, you only have to ask, okay?”

Fuck. This had never been the plan. Now he thought there was something wrong with you and wanted to get rid of you. Of course he did – who wanted a defective pet who tried to commit suicide? “You want me to go?” you asked in a small voice. “Where- where would I go?”

“Will you be happier if you leave? I just want you to be happy, baby. You can go live with my parents, or I’ll get you your own apartment somewhere, or if you want--” He gulped. “I can see if anyone else wants to adopt you. You’re so cute and pretty, I’m sure lots of hybrids want to adopt a human like you.” The words felt like ground glass, but he was sincere in his offer. If it would help you, he would give you up entirely, despite the personal cost to him. Even saying the words had his wolf going crazy, begging and whining for you to stay, but he remained resolute, refusing to give voice to his feelings. This was about you, and it would remain about you.

Would you be happier if you left? Honestly, you didn’t know. You looked up at him and bit your lip thoughtfully. The imprint had been difficult for you to deal with, yes, and he’d ruined your trust in him by kicking you out. But he’d been trying to make up for it ever since, and it had been about eight months of him reining in his instincts and being patient and kind. You were more than aware that his insomnia was caused by you, and it probably wasn’t the only problem that you were causing in his life, yet he’d never made you feel bad.

And—most importantly, he’d saved you. You were sitting in this hospital bed, well and alive, because of him, and he was still trying to help you. Would you ever find somebody who cared about you as much as Taehyung? Who else would go to the same lengths to make sure that you were safe and happy?

Even now, you could see how difficult it was for him to make you that offer. Taehyung was notoriously bad at hiding his feelings, after all, especially from someone as familiar with him as you were, but even without seeing his distress from his body language, you knew that it wouldn’t be easy for him if you left his life. Yet he’d offered, and he was being sincere about it.

Taehyung was one in a million, and you’d lucked out by having him as your owner. He’d been exemplary other than his one slip, and as awful as that had been, you could sort of understand why he’d done it. Besides, hadn’t he made up for it?

Before you knew it, you were shaking your head. Slowly at first, then increasingly vehemently. You didn’t want to leave him, you realized now. Yes, things had been difficult recently, but he’d done his best to make up for it, was truly remorseful about his mistake, and you could feel how much he cared for you with everything he did. For the most part, you really liked being his pet, and you would miss him if you left.

“I don’t want to leave,” you said in a small voice.

Taehyung sagged in relief. “Okay, baby,” he said, reaching out to stroke your hair. “We’ll figure it out, okay? Trust me. I’ll never let anything bad happen to you ever again.”

His promise made you feel like everything was going to be all right, because you knew Taehyung would move heaven and earth for you.

------------------------------

When you were discharged from the hospital a few days later, Taehyung was right there to pick you up, wheeling you out in your wheelchair – despite your protests that you could walk, thank you very much – and attempting to help you into the car. Although you slapped his hands away and got into the car unaided, you couldn’t stop the small smile that stole across your face at how eager he was to coddle you.

Taehyung had barely left your side during the time you’d been in the hospital, and they’d given him special permission to stay past visiting hours because he was your owner. He’d only gone home to shower and change, and to bring you some proper clothes to change into when you were discharged. Your near-death experience had changed your entire outlook on the situation you were in, and you were more open with him now than you’d been in the past months, ever since he rescued you from the streets. Taehyung, for his part, reveled in your new, easier relationship with him, smiling so much at you that you wondered how his cheeks didn’t ache.

You were glad to be home, honestly. Hospital food sucked and you craved the comfort of being back in familiar surroundings. Taehyung looked over at you after pressing the button for the elevator, and you smiled back at him. “You doing okay?” he asked, just to be sure. He’d been doing that a lot over the past couple of days – asking after you periodically, like he just had to make sure that you were still okay.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you told him, squeezing his arm. You knew it had scared him when you suddenly – or so it seemed to him – decided to take your own life, with very little warning. Since you didn’t have any plans to tell him why you’d done it, not being willing to throw Namjoon under the bus when you knew he’d meant well, you’d made up your mind to reassure him that you didn’t have any plans to try again. You were quite happy being among the living.

When Taehyung opened the front door and let you in, you about leapt out of your skin when you saw the other boys standing in the entrance. “Y/n-ie!” Jimin cried, rushing to give you a hug. Confused, you stood still and let him rub his cheek against your temple, staring with wide eyes at the boys over his shoulder.

“Guys, what are you doing here?” Taehyung grumped, trying to sound irritated but not entirely succeeding.

Hoseok shrugged. “We wanted to come welcome Y/n back,” he explained. “We brought lots of food, too.”

“Aww, thank you guys,” you giggled.

It was easy to not overthink when you were with all seven of the boys. They were rowdy and noisy, as always, yelling at each other and hamming it up to make you laugh. You didn’t need to do much to feel comfortable with them, sliding into old, familiar patterns of interaction as you sat at the table and ate the food they’d brought, giggling at their antics.

Even Taehyung seemed to relax around them, losing the tension you’d seen him carry in his shoulders and the lines around his mouth. As he smiled and laughed with Jungkook and Jimin, you couldn’t help but feel warm inside. This was what you had chosen, and you were happy with your decision.

None of the boys mentioned why you’d been in the hospital to begin with, not wanting to make you uncomfortable, but from the way Namjoon kept staring at you, you knew Taehyung had definitely told at least him. You tried your best to avoid his gaze, feeling awkward, but you could feel his eyes drilling holes into the back of your head.

After lunch, you excused yourself to use the restroom while the others started clearing up. As you were washing your hands, you stared into the mirror as the memory of what had transpired the last time you were in this room happened. Right behind the mirror was the cabinet, and you couldn’t help but recall reaching in to grab the bottle of pills.

Shaken, you quickly dried off your hands and exited the room – only to run into Namjoon, who was leaning against the wall by the bathroom door.

“Oppa,” you greeted him, making to skirt around him and return to the living room, where the rest of the boys had migrated.

“Y/n,” he said urgently, and you looked up at him, surprised. You’d thought he just wanted to use the bathroom too, but apparently you were wrong.

“What is it, oppa?” you asked politely, not wanting to make a scene.

“Y/n, I’m sorry,” he apologized, looking down shamefully.

Your eyes widened. This hadn’t really been what you were expecting. “What for?” you asked cautiously.

“For suggesting that you should… you know,” he gestured at you with his hands, unable to say the words.

“Oh… don’t be sorry. You didn’t force me or anything,” you said, patting his arm.

“Still, I shouldn’t have told you about it,” he persisted. “That was wrong of me, I realise now. It’s not your responsibility to break the imprint.”

“Oppa…” you sighed. “It’s really not your fault, okay? I was the one who made the decision, and I was the one who asked you for the information. I know you were just trying to help.”

He raised his anguished gaze to meet yours, and you were surprised by how truly miserable he looked. This whole time, you’d thought that he only tolerated you, that he resented you because of what you’d done to Taehyung. His attitude towards you had shifted so drastically after finding out about the imprint that you’d gotten whiplash, and it was a huge part of why you ultimately accepted that the imprint was mostly your fault. Seeing him so cut up about your suicide attempt was jarring, to say the least.

“No, it was wrong of me,” he insisted. “I’m so sorry, Y/n. I realise now that it isn’t your fault all of this happened, and I should have known better than to tell you when you were still recovering from your traumatic experience.”

“What did you tell her?” Taehyung’s voice cut rudely into the discussion you were having with Namjoon, and you both whipped around, eyes wide. It would have been almost comical if Taehyung hadn’t been so furious.

“Taehyung-ah—”

“Tae-oppa—”

Both of you tried to placate Taehyung, but he wasn’t having it. “What. Did. You. Tell. Her?” he asked, louder and more forcefully this time.

You wanted to facepalm. You’d been so careful about not letting it slip to Taehyung, trying to prevent this very situation from happening, and he’d caught you at the earliest possible moment.

“Tae-oppa, please—” You ran towards him, grabbing his shirt with your hands and trying to stop him from advancing on Namjoon. “It was nothing, please just let it go,” you begged.

When he looked down tenderly at you, brushing his thumb over your cheek in a manner that was very reminiscent of the way you’d done the same to him in the hospital, you relaxed a little, thinking he was going to do as you asked. Then he looked up at Namjoon over your head, and you sighed. Oh well, you thought. It would have been too easy if you’d been able to defuse the situation just like that.

Namjoon, for his part, wasn’t doing anything to defend himself, standing with his head bowed and hands clasped in front of him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly, knowing that Taehyung would be able to hear him anyway.

It didn’t help. Taehyung pushed you out of the way gently and you stared, wide-eyed, as he stalked towards the taller hybrid. Namjoon could probably defend himself if he wanted to, but he didn’t bother, letting Taehyung deck him so hard he fell onto the ground. Unsatisfied, Taehyung straddled him and continued hitting him repeatedly, so hard you could see Namjoon’s eye already swelling shut as blood spattered on the ground.

“Stop, stop!” you screamed, throwing yourself onto your knees behind the and wrapping your arms around Taehyung’s waist. “Stop, please…” you started sobbing, burying your face in his back. The violence reminded you of being out on the streets, watching the various gang fights between the humans that would take place on a near-daily basis.

The commotion had the other boys rushing to see what was going on, gathering in the hallway as they gawked at the scene in front of them. Hoseok was the first one to snap out of it, running forward to haul Taehyung off Namjoon. The fox hybrid wasn’t strong enough to control the incensed wolf, but Jin and Jungkook quickly stepped in to help, and together they managed to separate the two.

Jimin darted forward to fuss over Namjoon, helping him up while Taehyung strained against his brothers and continued yelling and swearing.

“Tae-oppa, please,” you begged, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Please stop.”

The proximity to you seemed to help, as he relaxed slightly in your hold. “You’d better go,” you said to Namjoon, and he nodded. The rest of the boys filed out with him, leaving you alone with your owner.

“Tae-oppa, are you okay?” you asked worriedly once the door closed behind the others. You pulled away from him and grabbed his hands, examining them to make sure he hadn’t hurt himself.

“Is that why you did it?” he asked. He didn’t sound like himself, and you looked up at him with concern. His bangs hung over his eyes, which were still sparking with rage. He’d never seemed more like an animal than in that moment, and this was including the last time he’d been in heat.

“Taehyung-oppa…” You didn’t know what to say.

“Is it?!” he raised his voice, and you jumped in fright. Your nerves were already shot to hell from the bathroom and then the confrontation with Namjoon, and you broke down in tears.

“I’m sorry,” you blubbered between sobs. “He said it was the only way to break the imprint, and then you said you didn’t want it, and I thought—”

“Hey, hey.” Your distress snapped Taehyung out of his anger, and he immediately turned his attention to comforting you. “I wasn’t blaming you, please don’t cry,” he said, his tone a lot softer now as he rubbed his hands up and down your arms. “You don’t need to apologize, ever, okay? It was my fault for being thoughtless,” he said, ducking a little so he could look you in the eye when you were stubbornly looking downward.

“I don’t ever want you to think that the imprint is a problem for you to solve, okay? It’s not your fault, and I should never have made you think that you had any obligation to seek out a solution, especially one like that.” The strength and conviction with which he spoke the words made it difficult to do anything other than nod, and you finally felt the weight you’d been carrying on your shoulders ever since Namjoon told you about what he thought was the only way to break the bond.

“And I’m sorry for yelling.” He sighed as you hugged him, wrapping his own arms around you and stroking your hair as you sobbed into his shirtfront. “Next time, if you have any problems, I don’t want you to think you have to hide them from me, okay? Even if they’re about us.” He might have imprinted on you, but he was still your owner and he was still responsible for you. He’d been paying for his slip-up for almost a year now, and he was determined to be more mindful from now on. The image of your body, looking so small and fragile, in your bed still haunted him.

------------------------------------

Being back in your room was difficult, you realized once you’d washed up and gotten ready for bed. Even getting into bed made you think of your suicide attempt, and there was also that ugly stain on the carpet from where you’d thrown up. Taehyung had tried to clean it, but he hadn’t been able to get the stain out, and looking at it bothered you.

There was no way you’d be able to fall asleep in the room, so you hesitantly walked over to Taehyung’s intending to bunk in with him. However, the moment you reached the door, you chickened out and paused with your fist raised. Would it be okay if you slept with him tonight? Taehyung would never say no, but you knew it would probably be difficult for him to get any rest with you in his bed. The last time you’d slept in the same room with him had been the night he found out about your experience on the street, and you still remembered waking up to his hard-on pressing into your back.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, you thought. You could always stay on the couch tonight, you decided and turned to do just that. Before you could take a step, however, the bedroom door opened behind you and you turned back around to see Taehyung standing in front of you wearing just pajama pants.

“H-hey,” you said awkwardly.

“Do you want to come in?” he asked. You didn’t ask how he knew you were there – of course he heard you coming down the hall. You bit your lip uncertainly, but sleeping with him did sound like a much better option than the couch, so you said yes and scurried into his room, climbing back into your side of the bed and burrowing under the sheets.

“Are you all right?” Taehyung asked as he got back into bed.

You hummed noncommittally. “I guess,” you said cagily, and he turned onto his side to look at you more fully. The intimacy of this position made your heart race, and you weren’t sure if it was discomfort or something else. His quirked brow was all it took to make you come clean. “Being in my room reminds me of… you know,” you mumbled, feeling guilty for some reason.

“It’s okay,” Taehyung soothed, though he didn’t initiate any physical contact. “You can stay here tonight, and tomorrow we can go stay with my parents for a while, okay? Would you like that?”

Your eyes lit up at the prospect. “We can visit Yeontan?” you asked, your voice lilting with delight.

“Of course we can,” Taehyung said, smiling at you. Your affection for the little dog knew no bounds, and he really should have done this sooner, he realized as he watched you snuggle more deeply into the sheets and shut your eyes. You were asleep within minutes, which he envied, knowing it would probably be a sleepless night for him.

Thankfully, he was wrong, although he thought maybe it would have been better if he’d stayed awake when he woke up and realized that he was wrapped around you again. He was really working on remembering to limit physical contact with you, but it was difficult not to give in to habit (and his wolf instincts) when you seemed more open and comfortable around him than you had in months. Your brush with death had really changed your attitude towards him, it seemed, and though he didn’t really understand why, he was just pleased that you didn’t seem to shy away from his touch as much anymore.

Carefully disentangling himself from you, he slipped out of bed with his phone in his hand and hobbled awkwardly towards the bathroom. Sharing a bed with his imprint was hard (pun intended). Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, he called his parents to ask if it was okay if the two of you stayed with them for a little while. They were more than pleased to have you.

The next call he made was considerably harder. Since he wasn’t exactly on talking terms with Namjoon, he called Hoseok to let him know that he would be taking a couple of weeks off to spend time with you and his family. He felt bad about it, and apologized repeatedly, but right now he had to make you his priority.

Hoseok was understanding enough, explaining that he too thought it was best if Taehyung and Namjoon didn’t see each other for a little bit. They were already going to have to push promotions back by a couple of weeks because Namjoon’s face was messed up, so it would be fine if he skipped practice.

When he hung up the phone, he took a moment to bury his face in his hands. God, everything was a mess, but at least you were healthy and seemed to be in high spirits. Shaken up by your near brush with death, sure, but overall doing way better than expected. Thank God for small blessings, he supposed. And big blessings too, like that he’d decided to come home early and found you before it was too late.

You woke up to an empty bed, but that didn’t really faze you. When you peeked out the bedroom door, you saw the bathroom door was closed, and figured Taehyung was in there. Shrugging, you skipped over to your room to start packing. You couldn’t be more excited about going back to Geochang and seeing Yeontan and Kai and everyone else.

---------------------------------------

Being back on the farm was great, you thought. Yeontan came running up to the car as soon as it pulled up in front of the house, and you leapt out to pick up your furry little friend. “I missed you so much,” you cooed, rubbing your face in his fur as he wriggled around excitedly, trying to lick your face. Taehyung’s parents came out to greet you, hugging their son and then you. Yeontan was now panting happily from his perch in your arms, and you cuddled him as Taehyung brought your bags in.

Distractions abounded on the farm, and you kept yourself well-entertained with Taehyung’s siblings, nephews and nieces, and hanging out with your old friends. It made it easy to avoid thinking about everything that had transpired, and every night when it was time for bed, you were so exhausted that you weren’t able to lie there thinking and worrying, falling asleep almost immediately.

Taehyung was enjoying the break too. He loved the city and his work, but being back in the countryside, with the clean air and the family he rarely got to see was a welcome respite. He spent his days mostly in the house, hanging out with his family while you ran around doing whatever. It was nice to see you happy again, he thought one afternoon as you took a nap on the couch, snuggled up with Yeontan. He was still a baby, but he was getting on in age and wasn’t as spry as he once was, something you didn’t mind as you carried him around so he wouldn’t strain his little joints walking.

Still, you could only distract yourself for so long before everything caught up with you, and you found yourself huddled in a shed late one morning crying over everything you’d lost. As healing as being on the farm was, it reminded you of the last time you’d lived here, while Taehyung had been serving in the military. It had been so much easier, everything uncomplicated and simple. You hadn’t had to battle these complicated feelings for Taehyung, knowing that he was struggling with his own turmoil – you’d just been secure in the fact that he loved you the way he should love a pet.

Yeontan, concerned, propped his front paws on your knees and tried to lick your tears away, but you just pulled him close as you continued to sob. Why had everything become so difficult? What had you done to deserve all of this?

As you were having your little breakdown, Taehyung was looking for you. It was almost lunchtime, which you were never late for because you loved his mom’s cooking, so he got concerned when you didn’t pop up with Yeontan in tow. It seemed like the dog liked you better than everyone else, including Taehyung himself, which didn’t seem fair, but he’d gotten over sulking about it when he saw how happy you two made each other.

“Mom, have you seen Y/n? She’s usually never late for lunch, I’m getting worried,” Taehyung finally asked after checking every room in the house and the spots around the farm he thought she’d be.

“Oh, try looking in that old shed on the far corner of the orchard, sweetie,” his mother replied carelessly, plating up the dishes. “She likes to hang out there for quiet time; thinks we don’t know about it.”

With that helpful tip, Taehyung jogged through the orchard to the shed in question, knowing he’d hit the jackpot even before opening the door because of the sound of your sobs coming through the door.

“Y/n?” he called, knocking on the door. “You in there?”

Sniffling, you hastily tried to wipe away your tears with the sleeve of your shirt. “Yeah,” you called out.

“Hey,” he greeted you as he walked in, coming to take a seat next to you. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” you said, looking down at your hands, half-covered by your oversized sleeves. Only your fingers peeked out, making you look smaller and more vulnerable than usual.

“Come on,” Taehyung coaxed, knocking his shoulder into yours gently. “You know you can trust me with anything, right? I’ll always support you.”

You clenched your hands into fists, hiding them in your sleeves. Yeontan hopped from your lap to Taehyung’s, and you felt the loss of his warm little body immediately, curling closer into Taehyung in response.

“It’s just… it’s a lot,” you said vaguely, unsure of how to put your thoughts into words.

Thankfully, Taehyung understood without you needing to say anything. “I’m sure it is,” he empathized quietly. His giant frame radiated heat that you soaked up eagerly. As a human, you weren’t quite as resistant to the cold as he was. “If you want to talk about it, though, I’m always here for you, okay? It can be now or any time.”

“I know.” You nodded. Taehyung had definitely demonstrated his commitment to you. Whether it was because he was a responsible pet owner or because of the imprint you weren’t sure, but you knew now that there was no stronger force on this earth than Taehyung’s determination to keep you safe.

It was that sense of security that had you opening up to him. Resting your head on his shoulder, you started speaking. “Being here just reminded me of a simpler time, is all.”

“I get that,” Taehyung said quietly, leaning his head against yours. “Being here reminds me of my childhood too.” He ignored the way his heart seemed to skip at your proximity, determined to be there for you. You’d always enjoyed physical comfort in the past, and it wasn’t anything more than that. What kind of owner would he be if he couldn’t even cuddle his pet?

He looked down at Yeontan, sitting on his lap and panting up at him happily. That’s right, he tried to convince himself. You were just like Yeontan. Pesky imprint aside, he shouldn’t see or treat you any differently.

Thankfully, you didn’t notice any of his inner turmoil since you were so absorbed in your own thoughts. Looping your arm around his, you continued speaking, feeling like now that the dam had been broken the words were spilling out of you almost too fast, without any control. “I know none of this is your fault – well, except for kicking me out, that most definitely was—” Taehyung nodded, accepting your censure with grace, “—but it just feels like a lot of pressure, you know?”

Taehyung stiffened. “If I’ve ever made you feel obligated to do anything—” he began, but you cut him off, shaking your head.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Your brow furrowed as you thought about the best way to phrase it. “It’s just that…” you paused to think for a moment, before continuing. “Knowing how much you’re struggling makes me feel like I should be doing more to help you,” you explained.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to, really, you shouldn’t worry about this at all,” he stressed, and meant it.

“That’s not how caring about someone works, Tae-oppa,” you countered. “Besides, isn’t your heat coming up soon? If we don’t go back soon you’re going to have to go through it here and it’ll be super awkward and—” You stopped when Taehyung abruptly lifted his head off yours and stared down at you.

“What is it?” you asked, looking up at him. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Oppa? You okay?”

“My heat,” he murmured. “I forgot about that.”

Your face scrunched up in confusion. “You forgot? How is that even possible?” The symptoms of his preheat were so disruptive that all his daily activities were affected by them.

“I don’t know, the symptoms just… disappeared.”

Blinking at him, you tried to put the pieces together. “Okaaaay…” you said slowly. “When did this happen?” If there was a problem with his health, you had to go back to Seoul ASAP so he could see a doctor. You’d never heard of this happening before, although granted, you’d never been seeking this information out.

“Uhh, I remember eating way more than usual for breakfast the morning that you, uh…” he paused awkwardly, then continued, skipping over any mention of your suicide attempt altogether. “Then you were in the hospital and I was so worried I was barely eating, so I guess it was then?”

You frowned. That didn’t make sense – his heat cycle had never been disrupted by stress before. Even when there’d been deaths in his family his heat had still passed without incident. Yet it had to be that, since the timing lined up so perfectly.

Taehyung’s lips pressed together to avoid smiling at how cute you were when you were deep in thought, trying to figure the puzzle out. “Come on,” he said, standing up and dusting his pants off. “It’s lunchtime.”

“Oh, okay,” you said quietly, jolted out of your train of thought, as you let him help you up. By the time you got back to the house, lunch was almost over and as you exclaimed your disappointment over your favourite stew being gone, you forgot entirely about the strange mystery of Taehyung’s heat.

--------------------------------------

Being back in Geochang meant hanging out with Kai again. Your reunion with your ex-boyfriend was something you’d been looking forward to since Taehyung even floated the idea of going back to visit his parents. You hadn’t broken up because you were incompatible in any way, of course, but because it was just impossible to be together, since your life was with Taehyung’s in Seoul, and Kai’s family was very happy living in the countryside.

Still, when you went to visit him, his owners just let you into the house, telling you that Kai was upstairs in his room. After thanking them politely, you ran up to his bedroom, bursting in and jumping on his bed, where he was still sleeping.

“Kai! Wake up, you lazy sack!” you giggled as you shook him awake.

He batted you away irritably. “I haven’t seen you in over a year and you’re still just as annoying as ever,” he grumbled, but since he glomped you while he was saying it, you ignored his annoying whining.

You bullied him into going to brush his teeth and sat on the edge of the bathtub watching him as he did so. He was just as handsome as ever, if not more so, but somehow you didn’t feel any attraction towards him. Was it because of the time you’d spent on the streets? Oh God, what if you didn’t like men anymore? Or sex in general? That would be a real tragedy, you thought, pressing your lips together.

Despite your confusion about Kai, the two of you still had a good time together, riding bikes around the countryside the way you used to. It was cold now, since it was winter, but you didn’t let that stop the two of you, even though you were both freezing with red drippy noses. Eventually you ended up in the community greenhouse, setting up a picnic in a cozy corner and shucking your coats. Being with Kai was easy and familiar, and you found yourself slipping into a younger state of mind, feeling lighter and happier. Still no lust, though.

Kai, on the other hand, seemed to have no such compunction – you felt his hand sliding along your lower back, clearly trying to get under your shirt, and you bit back a smile. Even if you didn’t reciprocate, there was something so therapeutic about the predictability of your ex-boyfriend trying to hit on you after all the chaos in your life over the past year.

“Kai,” you rebuked, brushing his hand away from you.

“No?” he asked, pouting at you.

Instead of answering verbally, you just shook your head with a smile.

“Okay,” he accepted, lying back. “I had my doubts anyway.”

“Yeah?” You turned onto your stomach and lay down next to him, propping yourself up with your elbows so you could look down at him easily. “How come?”

He shrugged. “Your whole vibe just seems different,” he said vaguely. “Can you move over a little, please? The sun is getting in my eyes.”

You rolled your eyes but acquiesced so that your shadow blocked out the sun. “What do you mean by that, though?”

“You seem… quieter, and your eyes are different. Like you’re keeping secrets, or you have a burden.”

Well, that much was certainly true, you thought as you hummed in acknowledgement.

“You’re still hot, though,” was his conclusion. You rolled your eyes as you laughed. Kai would be Kai, you supposed.

“Don’t worry, everything’s going to work out,” he said unexpectedly, and you looked at him with wide eyes. He’d always been perceptive, so you shouldn’t have been surprised though. He just smiled sweetly at you in response, and your heart squeezed with affection for him.

“Kai,” you sighed, snuggling close to him and resting your head on his chest. His arm came up around you, and it was nice and secure and warm. Still, you couldn’t shake the thought that Taehyung gave warmer hugs and was altogether better at making you feel like nothing in this world could touch you.

The both of you fell asleep in the greenhouse and only woke up when the sun was starting to set. Kai dropped you off at your place, just like old times, and you smiled fondly at his departing figure on his bicycle before turning around to enter the house.

You almost tripped over Taehyung on your way back into the house.

“Where were you all day?” he demanded.

“Jeez, oppa!” you screamed, pressing your hand over your pounding heart. “I was hanging out with Kai today, don’t worry,” you said dismissively, walking into the house. “Mom, I’m home!” you called out, unwinding your scarf and shucking your coat.

Taehyung came in after you, right on your heels. “You smell just like him,” he grumbled.

“Yeah, we fell asleep after lunch,” you explained with a shrug. This wasn’t necessarily uncommon behavior – even when you were just hanging around the house, you often napped in the afternoon.

His face still looked like a thundercloud, though. “What’s wrong, Taehyung-oppa?” you asked, your brow starting to furrow in concern. Had you missed something important today?

“Nothing,” he sulked. “You just really smell like him,” he repeated.

“All right,” you accepted, though you gave him another strange look before going to the dining room.

Jealousy was inappropriate and ridiculous, Taehyung reminded himself sternly as he ran his hands through his hair. He glanced towards the dining room where you’d gone, and tugged on the fluffy strands hard, hoping the pain would help him ground himself. You’d done nothing wrong and didn’t deserve this weird attitude from him.

Still, he had to admit that he absolutely hated having to smell another man’s scent on you, especially because Kai was human. He knew that you hadn’t done anything with Kai, but still, even if you had, who could blame you? Certainly not his mother, who was asking you about your day with your fellow human.

He needed to get a grip, he decided as he went to rejoin his family. This silly possessiveness over you was because of the imprint. He’d promised you that the imprint wasn’t going to be a problem because he could control it, and he intended to keep that promise.

Although, he thought as he looked over at you again, helping his mother set the table, these days he wasn’t quite sure where he ended and the imprint began.

-------------------------------------------

By the time you headed back to Seoul with Taehyung two weeks later, your relationship with him was much stronger, and you were happier than you’d been since before his last heat. Being in Geochang was like magic for you, the change in your surroundings making it so much easier to talk to Taehyung about all the doubts and insecurities that you’d been battling with for the past year. You’d even confessed your long-held guilt about taking advantage of him during his last heat, which he’d been horrified by.

Taehyung was driving, and he thought you were asleep in the front seat, so you took the opportunity to open your eyes just a crack to peek at him. He looked so good today, his large hands handling the steering wheel with ease, and you never felt safer than you did with him at the wheel.

“Tae-oppa?” you asked hesitantly as he got into the other side of the bed.

He hummed in acknowledgement, letting you know he was listening.

“About your heat…”

At that, he turned around to face you more fully, showing that you had his full attention.

“Can you go through your heat with another woman?”

“Uhhh…” Taehyung blinked at you. The question had come out of nowhere, and it took him a few seconds to digest it. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s not like there’s a manual for the imprint. It was thought to be obsolete technology, remember?”

You scooched further down into the sheets as you contemplated your response. “So what happened during your last heat… will it happen again?” It was kind of embarrassing talking about this, but you needed to be prepared. You weren’t going to end up in the same position as last year, caught off guard and unable to protect Taehyung from himself and you.

Unbeknownst to you, Taehyung was thinking the same thing. “It won’t,” he rushed to reassure you. “Now that I know what’s going to happen, we can make preparations, okay? You’ll stay with Yoongi or one of the others during my heat. You don’t have to worry that I’ll, uh…” He didn’t want to use the word ‘attack’, but that was what came to mind. “Anyway, yeah,” he concluded lamely.

“But you’ll be miserable, won’t you?” you asked, your eyes filled with concern.

“You don’t have to worry about that, sweetie,” he reassured you. “I can handle myself.”

“But I already feel bad about what I let happen last year,” you protested. “Are you sure you can’t go through your heat with someone else?”

His nose wrinkled in distaste at the mere thought of another woman, but he was more focused on what you’d accidentally let slip. “What do you mean what you let happen?” he asked.

Oops. You hadn’t really meant to say that. “You know,” you equivocated, gesturing helplessly with your hands. “You were clearly indisposed,” you tiptoed around it delicately, “and I should have known better than to reciprocate.” God, this was embarrassing. Your hands itched to bring the duvet up over your head.

“Y/n… what are you talking about?” Taehyung, completely flummoxed, had nothing else to say.

Okay, screw this. You burrowed further under the sheets, hiding your head under the covers. You were officially leaving this conversation.

“Y/n, what happened wasn’t your fault at all,” Taehyung said strongly, patting the head-shaped lump under the covers. “I basically attacked you like an animal, and you were the one who stopped it from getting out of hand. Thank you for that, by the way.”

Your head popped back out. “’Thank you’?” you echoed disbelievingly.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have wanted anything to happen, especially when we hadn’t talked about it before. You took charge when I wasn’t able to control myself, and I know it was difficult for you.”

Your eyes started to sting, and you willed your tears away. The relief of knowing, after all this time, that he didn’t blame you and you didn’t need to keep carrying this burden silently was overwhelming, making your throat close. You couldn’t have said anything in response to him, and Taehyung didn’t push you, just smiling down at you before he turned over and went to sleep, leaving you with your own emotions.

You’d thought about that night almost obsessively since, and you were replaying the events that had occurred in your mind again. Ever since then, you couldn’t stop the way your heart sped up a little when Taehyung was around, and you didn’t quite know what to make of it. He just made you feel so safe and cherished, and he’d so easily helped you set down all the emotional baggage you’d been accumulating for the past year. Was it gratitude or was it something more?

You opened your eyes fully and blinked at Taehyung, and he took his eyes off the road for just a second to smile at you. “Did you have a good nap?” he asked, returning his gaze to the front.

“Yeah,” you replied, smiling back at him. It was true – ever since you’d told him everything, you’d been sleeping so much easier. You still had occasional nightmares about your time on the streets, but Taehyung was always there when you woke up to comfort you, and you were starting to move past it.

“That’s good,” he said, the sincerity radiating off him.

Yeah, you thought to yourself. It was good.

---------------------------------

The return of his preheat symptoms didn’t particularly surprise Taehyung, but it definitely complicated things a little. Now that you were less distracted by everything and getting the space you needed from being home, without cameras constantly trained on you, you noticed almost immediately, increasing the amount of groceries you bought and making other small adjustments to make it easier for him.

These days you accompanied him to the studio more often than not, and somewhat ironically, it was Namjoon who was the most grateful to see you there. Even though you still seemed a little uncomfortable around him, refusing to make eye contact and getting jumpy whenever he walked past your chair or came too close, you were also careful to keep an eye on Taehyung, intervening whenever it looked like Taehyung was getting too hostile. Without your presence, he was sure that the comeback prep would have fallen apart ages ago. It wasn’t the first time you’d mediated fights between the boys, but Taehyung had never been so angry for so long before.

As Taehyung stormed out of the studio where they were practicing the choreography, citing his frustration with Namjoon’s inability to get the dance moves right as the reason he needed a break, you winced as you stood up and bowed deeply to the others in apology. “His preheat is making him irritable,” you explained. “I’m so sorry, I’ll talk to him after his heat passes and he’s more level-headed.”

The others made various noises of assent and/or irritation, but they all accepted that Taehyung’s behavior was just going to get more irrational until his heat was over. As hybrids themselves, they were more than familiar with the havoc that the heat wreaked on their emotions.

Turning, you ran after Taehyung, finally finding him in the empty recording booth. He was seated on the couch, his elbows propped on his thighs and his face buried in his hands. When he heard you come in, he didn’t even react.

“Hey,” you said softly, coming to sit next to him. “You doing okay there?”

“No,” Taehyung grumped. “And you probably shouldn’t sit this close to me, either.” Your scent had been distracting him all day, and the sexual frustration added to his existing anger towards Namjoon. He probably shouldn’t have snapped, but he was still so angry at the older man for meddling.

Ignoring him, you rubbed his back soothingly. You’d gotten a lot better about physical contact, and while he was grateful that you seemed to be moving past your trauma quite well, it really wasn’t helping. One consequence of the delayed heat seemed to be that the heat symptoms were coming on a lot faster and more intense, and he didn’t really trust himself around you anymore. Even your comforting touch was making heat coil in his belly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you suggested.

“I’m just mad at Namjoon-hyung, that’s all,” Taehyung explained sulkily. “I don’t know why you aren’t more upset with him. He literally told you to kill yourself.”

“Okay, first of all, no he didn’t,” you said firmly. “He just said that was the only way he’d found to break the imprint, and he told me explicitly not to do it.” You might not be pleased with Namjoon for what he’d said to you when you were in a fragile state, but still, you didn’t want Taehyung to get the wrong idea. Namjoon had meant well, after all, and besides, Taehyung still had to work with him, and they were brothers.

“Secondly, I was the one who sought him out and asked him. And you know he’s just looking out for you. You weren’t happy about the imprint either and he thought he was being helpful.”

“I guess,” Taehyung grunted. He hated how much sense you were making. He still wanted to be angry with Namjoon, especially since it was giving him another outlet for all the nervous, pent-up energy he had inside him.

“Besides, he gave you information when you asked for it, right? It would have been unfair for him to not tell me when I asked too.” Seeing him start to cave, you snuggled closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “I’m not saying you have to forgive him or anything. You’re allowed to feel how you want to feel. Just be a little more patient with him, okay? He was just trying to look out for you, and he made a mistake. It happens to all of us.”

With your scent in his head and your body pressed up against his, Taehyung lost all sense of reason as he turned his head, caught your chin in his hand, and kissed you. His lips were soft as they moved against yours, but you were completely frozen, your mind blanking at the unexpected kiss. It was only when Taehyung brought his other hand up to cradle your face as he started to deepen the kiss that you regained your senses, pushing him away by his shoulders.

You stared at each other for a second, neither of you sure of what to say. You were sure the shock was written across your face clearly, while Taehyung just looked slightly confused, his eyes still heavy-lidded. Then you could see the awareness trickle back into Taehyung’s gaze and his ears started turning red.

“Fuck!” he exploded, standing up. “Fuck, Y/n, I’m so sorry, I—” For a second longer, he just stood there, then he made an abrupt turn and ran out of the room.

Damn. You ran your fingers over your lower lip thoughtfully. You hadn’t been kissed for a long time – the Big Bang boys hadn’t been big on that – and it seemed you’d missed it. There’d been some initial anxiety when he kissed you, and your mind had short-circuited for a second, but right before you pushed him away… you’d started to enjoy it, just a little.

Huh.

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“Hey, Y/n?” Taehyung said suddenly, breaking the silence that the two of you had been stuck in since leaving the studio. That had been one of the most awkward car rides you’d ever experienced, but every time you wanted to say something, you looked over at Taehyung and his troubled frown stopped you. He really was awful at hiding his feelings.

You looked up from your dinner, happy that he was finally talking to you again. “Yeah?”

“Maybe it would be a good idea for you to go stay with Yoongi until my heat is over,” Taehyung said, fiddling with his stew and refusing to look up at you. He’d been castigating himself about what he’d allowed to happen ever since he left you behind in the recording booth, and feeling lower and lower the more he thought about it. This was the only way to make sure you were safe from him, he figured. He’d promised to protect you, and that included from himself.

You frowned. “But your heat isn’t here yet, is it?”

Some awkward throat-clearing and foot-shuffling later, he admitted, “It’s coming on really strong this time, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry about earlier, but I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again if you stay here.”

Here it was. You swallowed and put down your chopsticks, lining them up with your thumb on the edge to buy some time. You’d been thinking about this ever since he left, and you weren’t quite sure whether this was the right decision to make, but you wanted to anyway. Taehyung had been there for you every step of the way, not just throughout this whole year-long nightmare, but before that too, and remembering how amazing he’d been throughout it all, even though it had to have hurt him to know how much trouble you were having because of him made something flutter in your tummy.

“I don’t want to go.” Now that the words were out in the open, you looked up through your lashes, sneaking a peek at Taehyung’s reaction. Would he be happy? Excited? Turned on? The anticipation made your stomach clench.

“Y/n…” Taehyung sounded slightly irritated now, and that wasn’t what you’d been hoping for. “Thank you for your trust in my restraint, but please go. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want,” he begged.

“Maybe… I do want it,” you suggested. Your voice was barely a whisper and the words had come out so fast a normal human would never have been able to make it out, but you knew Taehyung would have no problem with that.

As he gaped helplessly at you, you felt a thrill of satisfaction. There it was, the reaction you’d been hoping for. “A-are you sure?” he asked, and you felt a pang of fondness for him. He was always doing his best to look out for you, even at his own expense. If anything, it made you more certain of your decision.

“I’m sure, Tae-oppa.” Then you realized that he might not be willing to do this with a human and quickly backtracked. “I mean, only if you want to too! If you don’t want to be with a human—”

“No,” Taehyung interrupted. “I do, I…” Emotion seemed to overwhelm him for a second, before he composed himself. “Do you know what you’re agreeing to?” he asked, just to be sure. He didn’t think he would be able to restrain himself if you were here with him during his heat.

You smiled at him and reached across the table to scratch his ears. “I do,” you told him with a soft smile, as his eyes closed in enjoyment. He’d always enjoyed this, you thought fondly, and he was so handsome like this, with his features relaxed. He’d spent a lot of time frowning in the past year.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and when he opened his eyes, you saw such profound gratefulness shining in them. You wondered if he saw the same thing in your gaze.

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Now that he had permission, it was like a switch had flipped in Taehyung. He insisted on helping you do the dishes that night, which was usual, but he decided that he absolutely had to stand shoulder to shoulder with you in front of the sink, helping you rinse the dishes and place them on the drying rack after you’d scrubbed them with dishwashing liquid. When you were done, he stood behind you as you rinsed your hands off and wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his nose in your hair.

When you went to bed with him, he snuggled up to you like he used to before everything happened, dragging his nose across the pulse point in your neck to scent you as he wrapped himself around you. It didn’t take you long to realise just how restrained he’d been in terms of physical contact, letting you initiate more often than not and only touching you casually and fleetingly when he did reach out to you.

Still, you could tell that he was holding himself back, not wanting to overwhelm you with the sheer extent of his heat-driven desire for you. In the mornings, though you could feel his boner pressing into your ass, he just rolled away when he woke up without you saying anything. Neither of you quite talked about the inevitability of his approaching heat and what it meant that you’d agreed to spend it with him, but the tension between you was thick enough to cut with a knife. Taehyung still tried his best to be respectful of your need for distance, though, keeping all physical contact – well, if not platonic, at least affectionate more than overtly sexual.

You could tell it was taking a toll on him, though, and now that you were aware and looking out for the signs, you wondered how it was that you’d been so oblivious last year when he’d been struggling through his preheat. You had to stop going to the studio with him because he was having a hard time focusing on anything when you were around and would often just stare at you instead, which had earned him a few questioning looks from the other boys.

Now that you’d agreed to spend his heat with him, Taehyung’s wolf was finally satisfied after over a year of being in conflict with his rational side, and it felt indescribably good, like puzzle pieces falling into place. He hadn’t even realized how agonizing it had been to hold himself apart from you, like trying to tear the two halves of his psyche apart. His wolf reveled in every touch, every flirtatious look and smile that you sent his way, puffing up proudly every time he saw you. It was a little embarrassing, since Taehyung knew that it was ridiculous to feel that way, but he couldn’t help it. Now that he didn’t have to fight the imprint, it settled into place in his chest warmly, making him feel like he could take on the world. For the first time in years, he actually found himself looking forward to his heat.

As his heat drew ever closer, Taehyung, ruled by his baser instincts, allowed himself to indulge in you. Casual cuddling on the couch while watching TV turned into lazy makeout sessions, which inevitably ended with him lying on top of you, your tongues sliding against each other lewdly while he tried his best not to grind against you. More than once, he’d had to excuse himself abruptly while you lay, dazed and flushed, on the couch, trying to recover and feeling bereft from the loss of his warmth.

This time, Taehyung was well-prepared for his heat, taking time off instead of going to work like a fool like he had last year, so when he woke up one morning and felt the familiar full-body ache that meant his heat was coming, he didn’t have to do anything but pull you closer to him. He knew you were awake from the sharp intake of breath you’d taken when you felt his erection rubbing against your ass, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel all that embarrassed about the way he was basically grinding against you.

“Y/n…” he groaned, his hands sliding up your shirt greedily to feel you up.

“Tae-oppa,” you gasped, and he made a noise low in his throat in response. He liked that, he decided. In his heat-addled state, he wasn’t capable of much complex thought, but he was definitely more than capable of making you scream his name.

However, your priorities were very different from Taehyung’s. As you gradually gained consciousness to Taehyung manhandling you, it occurred to you how nasty your breath was – and how bad his was as well, probably. Knowing that you might not have a chance to brush your teeth for hours if you let him start now, you tried your best to wriggle away from him to get to the bathroom.

“No,” he whined against your neck. “What are you doing?”

“I wanna brush my teeth,” you complained. Thankfully, his heat had just started and he hadn’t lost all sense of reason yet, so he let you go, though he was sulky when you turned back to look at him.

“Come on,” you coaxed with your hand out for him to take, rolling your eyes at his pouty expression. He looked just like a child that had had his favourite toy taken away. Still, he was pliant and obedient, and you even managed to convince him to brush his own teeth too.

“Do you want breakfast?” you asked as Taehyung was rinsing his mouth out. The bathroom door was open, and you were leaning against the wall right outside the door. He wasn’t very vocal this morning, but then he usually wasn’t a morning person anyway, so you didn’t think too much of it.

At your question, his entire demeanor changed. “No,” he growled. “I don’t want fucking breakfast.” He took the couple of steps to you, his long legs eating up the distance, then he was on you, pushing you back into the wall as his mouth descended on yours.

You’d been kissed like this only once before, a year ago during Taehyung’s last heat. He was ravenous, one hand cupping your cheek as his other gripped your hip urgently, sliding around your back to press you closer to him. As his tongue slid against your bottom lip, you let out a small moan as heat rushed through your lower belly. The sound only spurred him to deepen the kiss further. All those makeout sessions on the couch had nothing on this.

Taehyung’s urgency was contagious, and you hooked your fingers in his pajama pants to pull his hips closer to you, reveling in the feel of his erection prodding at your belly. He started grinding it against you, detaching his lips from yours to pant. “Fuck,” he gasped, shuddering. “You smell so fucking good.” Then his lips were back on yours again, his hand diving into your pants.

As much as you were enjoying this, you didn’t particularly want to be fucked against a wall, at least not for your first time. (You decided to put a pin in it to revisit later.) “Tae-oppa,” you gasped as his fingers ghosted over your clit through your panties. “We should go back to the bedroom.”

He pulled back, clearly displeased with the idea of any more delays, but couldn’t fault your logic, so he lifted you off the ground and carried you back to his room. The casual display of strength was more arousing than you could have imagined, and you felt the wetness slipping out of you as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

“Fuck,” Taehyung said again, gripping you more tightly. He couldn’t get back to the bed fast enough now, and one hand slid down to your ass to hold you close to him as he sped up.

Unwilling to part from you for even a second, he fell with you onto the bed, almost crushing you beneath his weight as he kissed you again, a filthy mess of lips and tongues that made both of you moan. He separated from you for just long enough to pull your camisole over your head, although you definitely heard it rip – not that you were overly concerned about it, however, when he was sliding his big hands over your body to grope your tits.

In retaliation, you stuck your hand down his pants. He wasn’t wearing underwear, which was very typical of him, and you smiled against his lips as you wrapped your hand around his dick and he shuddered in response. It felt so good to finally have a cock in your hand again, all warm and hard and throbbing.

Bracing his knees on the bed on either side of your hips, Taehyung lifted himself off you to tug your remaining clothes off, taking your panties and sweatpants in one fell swoop. You continued jerking him off almost lazily, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes.

With you now naked, the scent of your arousal permeated the air, driving Taehyung crazy. He had to have more of it, and it was that thought that guided him to shift so that he was between your legs, pushing them further apart to reveal your soft, wet pussy, all shiny from how turned on you were. It made his mouth water and his cock throb between his legs.

“Shit,” he breathed quietly, his eyes completely fixated on what lay between your legs. His unabashed scrutiny was starting to make you feel a little self-conscious, and you started to bring your legs together, but he stopped you with his hands on your inner thighs and a warning look.

“Tae-oppa,” you whined, throwing an arm over your eyes to hide. “Stop staring.”

“Okay,” he agreed absently. It wasn’t a difficult promise to make, he thought as he lowered his head. There was so much more he wanted to do to you.

The first swipe of his tongue across your slit had you shivering. “Fuck, you taste so good,” he groaned before he dove back in with gusto, using broad strokes of his tongue to scoop up all the juices leaking from you before circling your clit. He teased you with light, kittenish licks that you honestly wouldn’t have expected from someone clearly so wrecked, and he moaned like you were doing him a favour by letting him eat you out.

It was all too easy for him to build you up to the brink of orgasm, his heightened senses allowing him to take note of every sigh, whimper and moan that you emitted as he found all your best spots. With his fingers in you rubbing against your g-spot and his lips suckling on your clit, it wasn’t long before you were lifting your hips off the bed, thrashing as you came ever closer to the edge.

“Please, Tae, pleasepleaseplease—” you moaned, cutting yourself off with a choked cry as you felt the tension in your lower belly snap beautifully. You clenched hard on his fingers as you came, your slick dripping out of you and down his hand. When the waves of pleasure buffeting your entire system stopped, you opened your eyes and blinked at him lazily with a small smile.

Taehyung, on the other hand, stared down at you with intense bedroom eyes as he lifted his hand – the one that just been inside you – to his mouth and cleaned your juices off with his tongue, keeping eye contact the entire time. You couldn’t help but feel a frisson of arousal snake through your core again at the clear intent in his gaze.

“Tae…” you held your arms out for him invitingly, and he groaned as he bent to kiss you, one hand planted into the mattress next to your head for balance while he worked his way out of his pajama pants with the other. Too impatient to take them off fully, he left them bunched around his knees as he shuffled closer to you, stroking his erection with his hand.

“’m gonna fuck you now,” he mumbled against your lips as he lined the tip of his cock up with your folds. You held your breath in anticipation – despite everything that had happened, including your brief dalliance earlier this year, the two of you had never actually done this before. You found yourself tensing up as he started pushing his way into you, making him groan at the increased tightness and friction.

“Relax for me, love,” he mumbled, his breath washing against your temple. You whimpered, locking your arms and legs around him and clinging on for dear life. Slowly, biting your lip, you concentrated on doing what he said, and he huffed in pleasure as he sank further into you. You were wet enough that even though you were tight around him, it didn’t really burn, the stretch and fullness teetering on the edge between pleasure and pain.

“Good girl, such a good girl for me,” Taehyung praised, stopping to kiss you. Compared to what you were currently in the midst of, this kiss was gentle and chaste, intended to comfort you. It was somewhat surprising – based on what he’d told you and what you’d observed, you’d expected him to be out of control, unable to focus on anything other than his own pleasure. This considerate, gentle side of Taehyung wasn’t one you’d expected to see until the initial wave had subsided and he could think more coherently.

That wasn’t to say, of course, that you didn’t notice the strain this slow pace was taking on him – he was sucking marks almost viciously into your neck, his teeth catching on your skin almost threateningly, and his whole frame was wound so tight that he was almost trembling. You felt the tension in his shoulders and back, and you stroked his side soothingly, although from the way the muscles under your hand jumped, he didn’t appreciate the meaning behind the gesture.

When he finally bottomed out, you let out the breath you’d been holding as he groaned, holding himself painfully still. He could feel every ripple as you clenched and fidgeted under him, trying to get used to having him inside of you, and it was sorely testing his control. “Y/n, please,” he finally groaned. “Please stay still.”

Instead of doing as he said, you clenched as hard as you could around him, delighting in the shaky groan he let out as he dropped his head, his forehead brushing against your collarbone. “Fuck,” he huffed, reaching down to hook his arms behind your thighs and draping your legs over his shoulders. “I tried to be nice,” he grumbled as he pulled his hips back.

“Fuck being nice,” you purred as you hooked your arms around his neck, one hand finding its way into his hair.

That was the last straw, and all the impressive control Taehyung had been showing up till now shattered spectacularly as he started a brisk pace with his hips, folding you almost in half with his frame. You really didn’t have any clue just how much he was holding back until he stopped, but you couldn’t bring yourself to regret it as he plowed into you with everything he had.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he huffed, his breath making the baby hairs by your temple flutter. The bedsprings were creaking and the headboard thumping against the wall, but neither of you could bring yourself to care. All of Taehyung’s energy was being channeled into fucking you as hard and as fast as he could, his mind solely focused on the race to the finish. He was going to fill you up so good, you’d be dripping with his cum for days, finally getting those vile human men’s scent out of you…

The thought was endlessly titillating to him, and when he looked down to where you were joined, putting a visual image to the filthy thoughts swirling in his head, he bared his teeth in a snarl. The sight of his cock splitting you in half, shiny from your juices was almost too much for him, but he couldn’t look away.

Taehyung had never looked more like an animal than he did right now, completely focused on fucking your brains out, but instead of being afraid, his fucked out expression sent a shiver through you – the good kind, of course. You wanted to cum with him, but in his current state, he wasn’t focusing on your pleasure, so you snuck a hand between your joined bodies to rub at your clit.

As close as he was to orgasm, the sight of you pleasuring yourself filled him with irrational fury. His wolf howled, demanding that he take care of his mate, and completely under its sway now, he batted your hand away with a growl. “You’re mine,” he snapped as he took over, rubbing your clit with the rough pad of his thumb.

“Cum with me,” he groaned into your ear before he kissed you. He was too far gone to do it properly, of course, basically just pressing his open mouth against yours in a filthy imitation of a kiss, but he still managed to retain the presence of mind to tilt his hips slightly to adjust the angle with which he was pounding into you so that he could brush against your g-spot. The increased stimulation made you wail as you tried your best to move with him despite your limited leverage.

“Fuck, Taehyung,” you huffed, trying to warn him as your hips jerked slightly, pressing your clit harder against his thumb to get that little bit more that you needed to cum. And then it was happening, your mind blanking out as you squeezed his cock tightly, clenching rhythmically as you worked through the waves of your orgasm.

As he heard and felt you cum around him, Taehyung groaned like he was dying and redoubled his efforts, his hips now basically a blur with how fast and hard he was thrusting into you. “Fuck, Y/n, yes,” he groaned breathlessly as he finally came, pushing himself as deep as he could and grinding against you for that extra bit of friction to make his orgasm last just a little longer.

When it was over, he slumped down over your body, letting go of your legs so that you could wriggle them out from under him to wrap them around his hips, a far more comfortable position for you. He felt boneless, so utterly satisfied that he would never need anything again, although he knew that was definitely not true. In about ten minutes, he’d be ready to go again.

For now, though, he was happy to just fuss over you, nuzzling into your cheek and brushing your sweaty, matted hair away from your face. “You’re so pretty,” he sighed blissfully, bracing himself over you with his elbows as he leaned down to kiss you. The urgency was temporarily gone now, and he traded soft, slow kisses with you, feeling so happy his heart could burst.

“I love you,” he blurted out unintentionally, and your eyes widened in surprise. He didn’t know where it had come from either, but now that it was out there, he realized that he meant it. No one had ever made him feel so good – not just physically, of course, but so at peace with the world. When he was with you, everything felt so right, so perfect, like you’d been made for him and he’d been made for you. If that wasn’t love, what was?

You raised your hand to cup his face, brushing your thumb across his lips. The way he looked at you, searching, hopeful, made your heart clench. Taehyung always made you feel so safe, so protected, like nothing could ever touch you. Being with him felt like being free from the difficulties of life that lay outside his bubble of protection. If that wasn’t love, what was?

Smiling back at him, you told him, “I love you too.”

#btswritingcafe #bangtanarmynet #plotsofpastel #btsghostie #kwritersworldnet #ur-net #smutcentralnet #magicshopnet #btswriterscollective #bangtanhq #ksmutclub #kim taehyung #bts smut #taehyung smut #bts scenarios #bts fic #hybrid bts #hybrid taehyung #dont ask dont tell

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panharmonium · 4 years

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@bloomiii asked: Hey! Do you think merlin actually hates Mordred?

Heya! I’m assuming this is a follow-up question to the ask that @once-and-future-gay sent me the other day, and I gotta say, I love this question just as much as I did that one, so thank you! :D It’s a great ask - relevant one, definitely, for Season 5.

I have kind of a lot to say about it, so I’m going to put most of this reply under a cut, but the short answer is this:

No, absolutely not. I don’t think Merlin hates Mordred.

I think Merlin hates himself.

I wrote in the previous post on this topic (which I think this ask is a response to) about the actual reasons why Merlin is in conflict with Mordred, none of which are based on personal dislike and all of which come back to Merlin knowing that he has to prevent Mordred from killing Arthur, not out of a selfish personal desire to keep Arthur safe, but because Arthur’s survival is supposed to be the thing that is going to bring peace to the land and liberate the magical world.

But Merlin, as I said in that post, does not want to be in conflict with Mordred. He likes Mordred. He says as much, to Gaius. He cares about Mordred as someone who shares his oppression, as shown in the beginning of the Disir. He agrees to keep Kara a secret from Arthur, at the beginning of 5.11. And Mordred’s philosophy - “the love that binds us is more important than the power we wield” - is literally as close to Merlin’s own as it can be. That is exactly how Merlin, at his core, sees the world.

Everything Merlin does to Mordred, he does for no other reason than that he thinks he has to. (And I discussed in that other piece how Merlin is not foolish or mistaken for thinking so, either - important to keep in mind.) But all of the things he has to do go completely against his nature, and by the time we hit the end of 5.11, I really feel that Merlin has descended into a pit of self-loathing that the show, because its ending is so poorly constructed, never allows him to climb out of.

Every decision Merlin is forced to make about Mordred makes him hate himself a little more. The decision to let Mordred die in 5.05 is visibly traumatizing for him. He takes no pleasure in leaving Mordred behind for Morgana in 5.10. And 5.11 is the ugliest, most soul-killing situation Merlin has been confronted with yet - he is torn between doing what he truly wants to do and what he feels like he has to do, when Kara comes into the picture. He initially tries to hide Kara from Arthur, because there is no part of him that wants a Druid to be captured and harmed, even if she was with Morgana’s forces. Mordred tells Merlin, “she’s one of us,” and Merlin agrees. “Your secret is safe with me,” he says (and those are sacred words for Merlin; they’re exactly what Lancelot says to him in 1.05; this is not something Merlin would ever promise lightly). He doesn’t betray Mordred’s secret, and when Kara is captured (through no fault of Merlin’s own) Merlin is the one who originally urges mercy, telling Arthur, “you’re breaking his heart/you’ll lose his trust” when Arthur claims he has no choice but to pursue execution.

However, after that, when Merlin learns that Mordred plans to escape with Kara, he boomerangs back to “he’s going to run to Morgana and then he’s going to kill Arthur and I am not allowed to let that happen/magical and godly forces have all told me that the entire fate of Albion and the future of magic all depends on me preventing Mordred from killing Arthur.” And so he tells Arthur that Mordred is planning to escape, ultimately leading to Mordred and Kara’s recapture.

But THEN, after THAT, when they’re back in custody - Merlin urges mercy yet again. He tells Arthur to “free them both.” He says, “How will one more death bring about the peace we long for?” Merlin does not want Kara to be killed. He does not want Mordred to suffer. He does not want any of this to have happened; he did not rat Mordred out because he wanted to; he did it because he truly believed (for legitimate reasons) that he had no choice. Like I talked about in that previous post - Merlin, at this point in the show, feels that his life has no purpose beyond the fulfillment of the destiny that has been prophesied. He has come to see himself as a tool, with no intrinsic worth or value beyond what he can do to ensure Arthur’s survival (and thus the establishment of peace for all people). He hates the things he’s supposed to do, but he literally cannot see an escape for himself. This is just what he was “born” to do.

Even as far back as Season 3 we see this helplessness growing in him:

You feel trapped. Like your whole life has been planned out for you, and you've got no control over anything, and sometimes you don't even know if what destiny has decided is really the best thing at all.

Merlin, in 5.11, doesn’t feel like what destiny has decided is the best thing. But he also has reached a point where he feels like he has to do what he was told. He’s seen the future. He’s been told by multiple magical and divine sources that Arthur is the Once and Future King who is going to build the “the world we dream of.” And so he does things that he thinks will enable that future to arrive (like preventing Mordred from running away with Kara), but because these things go so completely against his nature and cause him such pain, he then whips around and says, “Don’t kill her. Let them go.” He can’t help himself from slipping back into the kind of person he truly is on the inside.

He is trapped between his true self and what he feels is an inescapable duty. And every step he takes away from his true nature makes him hate himself more.

Kara’s interview with Arthur, where she refuses to repent her “crimes” in exchange for her life, has one of the most telling, devastating shots in the show, when she says, “It is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.” The camera, in that moment, is trained on Merlin’s face, not hers:

That is done on purpose. The cinematography is trying to say something. It wants us to look at Merlin and listen to Kara’s word’s and hear the contradiction. It wants us to recognize that Merlin is dying inside. The absolute MISERY locked down in his expression here! He has been forced to do things that seem to work against the very goal he’s been told he’s trying to achieve (to have the right to be who he is), and it’s been going on for so long that it’s shattered his soul. He listens to Kara being able to say that, proudly, without fear, and he hates himself for not being like her.

But he can’t see any way to escape the things he knows he’s supposed to do. So ultimately, at the very end, he does nothing, and Kara’s execution proceeds.

He despises himself for it, and when Mordred escapes and runs to Morgana, Merlin’s only reaction is a dull, hollow resignation. He doesn’t blame Mordred for whatever’s going to happen next.

He blames himself.

This is, yet again, another reason why the Merlin finale is garbage storytelling.

It makes no narrative sense for the show to give us 5.11, which ends with Merlin in quite possibly the darkest and most miserable, conflicted spot he has ever been in, and to then start the next episode with him having a raucous good time at the tavern. Merlin, after what happens with Kara and Mordred, is not going to be out laughing and cheering, playing dice, and making casual, tongue-in-cheek, meta jokes about his secret like it isn’t the most painful and soul-destroying burden he’s ever had to carry (“Ah, I knew you’d discover my secret in the end. There is just no fooling you, my lord!”). It is inconceivable for him to be out partying, after the previous episode. It’s insulting to me as a viewer, that the writers thought they could show this to me as if it’s an even remotely rational direction for the story to go, as if I’m not going ask “what the HECK is going on???” when I see Merlin gleefully stumbling home like a drunken frat boy, without a care or concern in the world.

There is ZERO tonal consistency between the end of 5.11 and the beginning of 5.12. It’s horrendous writing, and it’s why I continuously say that Merlin BBC does not actually end, it just STOPS - abruptly cut off after 5.11, with a slapdash two-episode finale tacked on, one which does not actually resolve anyone’s arcs, or address any of the central questions of the show, or follow where the narrative was naturally heading prior to that point.

Merlin’s arc with Mordred is what finally takes him to a place where he is irrevocably, inescapably confronted with the conflict that he has been struggling with from day one - how is he supposed to justify the things that Destiny is asking him to do, when what it’s asking him to do seems to be hurting the very people he’s trying to help? How is he supposed to reconcile his responsibility to his people (and HIMSELF) with an externally-imposed responsibility to protect Arthur? He’s been wrestling with this cognitive dissonance for years, and 5.11 is the inevitable crisis point - Kara is dead, Mordred has defected to Morgana, Merlin’s secret is OUT, and Merlin has never hated or doubted himself more. It makes no sense for the beginning of the next episode to show us Merlin living it up at the tavern. Merlin is tortured, at the end of 5.11. He’s dying inside. The next episode was supposed to be a natural progression from that moment, meaning Merlin should have had the chance to finally confront his conflict head-on, rather than having it all completely wiped away by the pile of garbage that was the finale.

The correct fallout from Mordred’s “turn” should have been a reckoning. Merlin never wanted to be in conflict with Mordred in the first place; he hated himself for everything he had to do, and I really think the end of 5.11 took us to a place where Merlin had finally been pushed over the edge; it was the last straw. The only correct progression from that point would have been change, and Merlin was finally desperate enough to do what he needed to do to find himself again and make things right, but we never got to see it, because the people in charge decided to completely abandon every complicated question they’d been pursuing, in favor of “actually Arthur’s the good guy and we’re gonna pretend we didn’t just spend an entire episode reminding people how Camelot is still an unjust place.”

I don’t understand it. The same people created 5.11, too. They wrote Kara’s righteous speech. They framed her execution as an evil, and they framed Mordred’s flight as something Merlin and Arthur brought upon themselves.

And then they did a 180 and dumped every ethical question they ever raised. They never let Merlin find his feet or hold his head up high, and I’m honestly never going to forgive them for that.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #the druid boy #replies #merlin S5

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

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Top 5 Best Executed Deaths

A few weeks ago, I did a list talking about the Top 5 Character Deaths That Made Me Side-Eye the Writers and I thought it was only fair that I talk about some of the character deaths that I thought were actually done well. So consider this like a companion to that list.

Like I said in that T5F, this is TWDG, a game series all about people surviving in a world overrun by zombies. Naturally, characters are going to die. Some of these characters get pretty shitty deaths that only happened to fill a quota, some had effort and thought put into them and how they were going to effect the story and remaining characters. These are deaths that served their purpose, progressed the story, or are an understandable conclusion to a character’s arc.

Do keep in mind that when I say that I enjoy the way these were done/handled/portrayed/whatever, this isn’t me taking joy outta watching these deaths play out. Hell, I kinda hate most of the deaths on this list, but just because I don’t want this character to die or I wish they stuck around longer doesn’t mean I can’t recognize when it’s executed well, y’know?

5. Larry and the meat locker incident

So.... Larry’s an asshole, y’know? He made it on another T5F because he sucks. No one likes Larry.

He treats Lee like garbage, treats his own daughter terribly, and is overall just a piece of shit. That being said, he played his role well. He did what he needed to do which was be a antagonistic character within the group who posed a threat to Lee by threatening to expose his past. He creates a lot of tension within the group, he puts all this pressure on Lilly, you can’t even attempt to show any kindness to him because he doesn’t care about anyone but himself and Lilly.

That being said.... his death scene is pretty good. Y’know, you play through ep2 for the first time and you’ve just discovered that these people are cannibals and they have you locked in a fucking meat locker so they can butcher you later, and Larry is freakin’ the fuck out because he’s pissed. Lilly is sick in the corner, Kenny is desperately trying to find a way out because they have his family, and Clementine is terrified, and Lee is just waking up.

You go over and try to calm Larry down because he’s pounding at the door and this dude.... this bastard has the gall to be like “Fuck you, you must really hate me! I’m plannin’ on bein’ around waaaaaay after you’re dead! I’ll be the one to put you down!”

Then he has a heart attack.

And you’re stuck in this meat locker with him. You don’t know if he’s alive or not-- Kenny immediately deems him dead, Lilly is desperately trying to resuscitate him, and they’re both yelling at you. You gotta decide if you’re gonna help Lilly try to bring him back, or if you’re gonna help Kenny make sure he doesn’t turn.

Not matter what you do, Kenny smashes Larry’s head in with a damn saltlick because I guess he missed the opening of the episode where they remind you that your actions have consequences.

Larry’s death has lasting effects on your relationships with both Lilly and Kenny, though more so Kenny since no matter what, Lilly loses it a little and ends up murdering Carley/Doug and leaving the group. But boy, Kenny will never forget the time you didn’t wanna play hero with him and smash a guys head in right in front of his daughter.

It’s a damn good scene, I gotta hand it to ‘em. I hate Larry and I can’t say I miss him, but I can definitely see both sides of the argument on what to do there. Plus it’s... I dunno, a creative death? and I kinda like that? No one else is out here getting their heads done in with a saltlick, y’know?

Anyway, Larry sucks but his death? Well done.

4. Minerva and the tragic showdown on the bridge

Oh man, I really am digging my own grave with the Minnie crowd lately, huh? Ah well, I’m sure it’s fine.

Listen...okay, look. I have a lot of feelings about the bridge scene. On one hand, I hate it. On the other hand, I kind of love it?

Like, does it piss me off that Tenn dies here because I trust AJ? Yep. Do I still wish they had maybe put Lilly here so that she could actually do her job as a villain? Sure. Does it upset me that AJ ends up shooting his best friend in order to save Louis? Totally. Does it annoy me that Minerva just won’t fucking die even though I shot her and the walkers keep nom noming her? Absolutely.

That being said, I can’t pretend that Minerva’s death isn’t pretty great.... which I know will upset the Minnie crowd who always talk about how it’s bullshit she died here and she deserved a redemption arc... but lemme explain.

Looking at the game itself, the text and story progression, Minerva was never going to get that. She was never set up as someone we were gonna “fix” or as someone who would have a change of heart and switch to our side. From the moment we meet her, she’s too far gone. The delta have their claws sunk deep within her, they brainwashed her, forced her to murder her own sister, and she has completely given up. She never expresses any desire to go back to the school. Nope, the delta is her home now. Her family. And it’s tragic. She and Sophie proof of what would happen to the Ericson crew if the delta go ahold of them-- “which twin will you be?” y’know?

She fucks us over instead of actually helping us, we escape, the boat explodes, but Minerva doesn’t go down with the boat. Nope, she makes it to land and well... she fucking loses it. She sees her delta family get taken out by walkers and she goes nuts with her gun and gets half of her face chewed off by a walker.

So yeah..... she’s dead. Almost. They try to act like we’re supposed to believe that she’s really dead after she gets surrounded by walkers and throws the grenade at Clementine and all that but c’mon.... unless I see a body or a walker version, I don’t believe shit.

Which brings me to the bridge.... there’s a lot of dread building up to Minerva’s final appearance, and you just hear her singing the damn song and bringing a bunch of walkers with her. Not to mention that she already looks dead. She looks like a walker who can talk, and not gonna lie, I like it. It’s freaky and sad and fucked up and adds so much to her character at this point. I mean, she’s here to kill Tenn so that they can all be a family again. She’s smiling and relieved that she’s dying and boy she just can’t wait to take Tenn with her and it’s not great.

She’s here to die and to take someone down with her, and she’s not leaving until she does. Hell, if she can take Clementine out, that’s just a bonus at this point.

ALSO can’t forget that if AJ does shoot and kill Tenn, Minerva is still alive as she’s being eaten by walkers and she looks so damn happy as she reaches out and says, “Yes, come with me...”

Like..... it’s so fucked, and I hate that I love it. From a storytelling standpoint, it’s a fitting death to conclude Minerva’s character and it impacts everyone there in more ways than one.

3. Duck and incredible emotional impact

Oh, Duck... poor, poor Duck.

This one has stuck with me and I hate it. I was never one of those players who hated Duck from the beginning. It’s interesting to go back and see how people reacted to him in the first couple episodes because a lot of them didn’t like him. They found Duck to be annoying, loud, stupid, and would even wonder “yeesh, when can I kill this kid?”

Which is yikes but not gonna get into that right now.

But from my understanding, Telltale got wind of this and knowing they were gonna kill him off, were like “Okay, y’all dumb, so here--” and they added in that little segment with Detective Duck where he helps Lee figure out what’s been going on with the stole meds. It’s a cute scene where we get to hang out with Duck and he proves that he’s not stupid, he’s just... y’know, a child.

Then the motor inn gets attacked, shit goes down after they escape, and it’s revealed that Duck was bitten.

Oh man, let me tell you about emotional impact both on the characters and the player because wow.

Duck’s death is slow, drawn out...and since it’s early in the series, there’s a lot of denial, mostly from Kenny. They find the train and Kenny fixates on it because to him, if he gets it working and they can just get away, Duck can recover. Duck isn’t like the others, he’s just a little sick and everyone is making a big fuss about it.

Then you have Katjaa, who starts out in that denial stage but she moves into acceptance a lot quicker than Kenny does and well.... that might be because she made up her mind about what she was going to do, which that is a whole other layer of fucking despair to this situation.

They also do something that I like with Kenny by adding that depth of him believing he had something like this coming after what happened at Hershel’s farm. Y’know, when he grabbed Duck and took off, leaving Shawn to die? Yeah that.

He’s been so adamant about protecting his family to the point where he doesn’t have anything for the rest of the group, aside from Lee if he helps kill Larry. He did what he could to keep his wife and child safe and in the end, it didn’t matter. Duck still got bit, and now everything is shit.

Then when you thought it couldn’t hurt even more, you find Katjaa dead in the woods and you still have to take care of Duck, whether you have Lee shoot him or have Kenny do it, or even just leave him to turn. Either way.... Duck’s death is just one big ol’ despairing oof.

It’s really good, guys. The music, dialogue, scenery, the pain....They really nailed Duck’s death in such an emotional way and it doesn’t just end there. This sticks with Kenny all the way through S2 and changes him as a character. It impacted Clementine and Lee greatly because this kickstarted Chuck telling them that Clem would end up just like Duck if things didn’t change.

S1 just... knew how to kill off its characters... well, for the most part.

2. Marlon and the death that had to happen whether we like it or not

Sigh.... okay.

So... Marlon. Lemme tell you some things about Marlon’s death.

First, I hate it. Nothing new there. If you know anything about me, you know that I am vocal in my desire for the Marlon redemption arc, for the “Marlon lives” AU’s and the “Marlon lives longer but dies differently” AU’s. I like Marlon as a character, I find him to be a fascinating character study. Ray Chase’s performance as Marlon brings so much personality and I love it. So naturally, I wanted more of him in TFS.

Here’s the thing. I may want all of those things, I may take a lot of joy from discussing these ideas with you guys and coming up with different scenarios, theories, AU’s about him, and I’ll always be the first one to be like “I hate that Marlon dies in ep1, I wish AJ hadn’t shot him! Woulda liked for him to stick around longer!”

But with the story TFS is trying to tell, Marlon has to die. AJ has to shoot him. I don’t like it, you don’t like it, no one likes it.... but that’s just how it is.

Marlon is presented to us as this chill and genuine guy trying to keep his group safe and together. He feels the pressure of being responsible for all the lives in this school and that’s a lot to put on a teen growing up in the apocalypse.

Then we learn that hey, the twins didn’t die. No, last year they ran into Abel and Marlon made a deal with him where he traded the twins in order to save himself, Brody, and the rest of the school. He wanted to plan a rescue mission, but he was too scared, so he and Brody kept it to themselves. They made up a story about the twins dying and moved on, but that continued to weigh down on them.

Then Abel comes back, Brody freaks out, tells Clementine the truth, and Marlon hits her so hard that it kills her.

And it gets worse.

You go through the whole confrontation with Marlon trying to cover his ass and blame Clementine for Brody’s murder, he’s waving AJ’s gun around and threatening to shoot Clem while everyone is gathered around watching. It’s raining, it’s super dramatic and tense and I love it.

In the end, Marlon gives up and he just wants to leave. Let him become a bad memory, he’ll never come back, just let him go.

Then AJ shoots him in the head unprompted. He just.... he just does it and then wonders why everyone is looking at him like he’s a murder baby.

Marlon’s death is crucial, not just to kickstart the plot but also for AJ’s character arc. His death affects everyone in that school. It makes Clementine question herself and if she’s raising AJ right, it breaks Louis’ heart, it pisses off Mitch, it sets Violet off on her bullshit. Everyone is hurting and confused because they don’t know what to do. Marlon is dead and AJ, this tiny toddler, was the one who pulled the trigger.

From the beginning, we’re told that AJ is always listening, watching, and what we do will affect him for better or worse.... and maybe you don’t think much when you tell him to always aim for them head, but when he says exactly what you taught him after murdering Marlon...? Yeah, you’re sitting there like “Well, fuck.”

But if this didn’t happen, if AJ didn’t kill Marlon, then.... there’s not a lot left. Sure the raiders are still coming, but AJ no longer has to go through what he has to or realize how much he hurt everyone. He’s no longer on that path that made him such an interesting and layered character.

Sure, you coulda made him shoot someone else, but the fact that it was Marlon is what made it impactful.

Ugh, it’s good and I hate it. I hate it so much.

1. Lee and the death that broke all our hearts

.......Just-

-y’know?

What else is there to say?

Well, alright, I’ll explain.

We play as Lee in S1, we go on this whole journey with him and develop him as a character, establish relationships, and care for Clementine. He’s a great character. I did a list on why he’s great, too, if you wanna check that out but all you really need to know is that we all loved Lee.

Lee’s got a lot of baggage, given that he was on his way to prison for murdering the dude who was sleeping with his wife. But then the apocalypse happened and he got a second chance to do some good... or I guess bad? if you do a scumbag Lee run?

Anyway-- no matter what, he cares for Clementine and it’s nice to see them bond over the course of the season... so when shit hits the fan and Clementine gets kidnapped by the Stranger, we’re just as upset as Lee is.

Then Lee gets bit.... and we realize that even though he’s our playable protagonist, he was never safe either. He gets bit and I can still remember the feeling of like... a bowling ball dropping in my stomach and my heart hurting because no... no, no, not Lee. I basically became Kenny like “No, he’s different! Lee isn’t gonna die! Being bit doesn’t mean death!” and while that is technically true.... had to face it: Lee’s going to die by the end of the season.

Ep5 of S1 is a whole journey... We’re dealing with trying to save Clementine while seeing Lee get worse and worse-- he’s passing out, he’s growing paler and slower and it’s hard to watch. You maybe get a little bit of hope if you decide to cut his arm off, but that’s just... it’s too late for that.

Not only is he fighting this, but then you got Ben who gets impaled and Kenny “dies” putting him outta his misery and Lee’s powerless to do anything. So great, that sucks.

But at least he’s got Christa and Omid.... until they get separated at the Marsh House and Lee’s gotta get through a herd of them by himself.

This slow burn is so good. His condition gets progressively worse but he’s so determined to get to Clem that it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have time to think about what is inevitably going to happen to him, even if the player does.

And just.... the final scene... y’know, the actual death scene?

It’s so good. It’s a beautiful, emotional punch in the face. Like, way to end your game like this... Lee is trapped her with Clementine and he can’t walk, he can’t get up no matter how much Clementine begs him to try, he just- he can’t. He knows it’s all over for him and so he has her handcuff him to this heater so that no matter what, he can’t hurt her and just.... their final moments together where Lee is minutes away from death but is struggling to tell her as much as he can and I’m crying.

Then of course, the final choice-- Do you shoot Lee, or do you leave him to turn?

Both ending hurt my soul, but they’re both great in different ways. Shooting him is so heartbreaking... seeing little Clem sobbing as she points the gun at him and closes her eyes, then it cuts to black as the shot rings out and you hear Lee’s final breath....

BUT THEN YOU HAVE THE LEAVE HIM ENDING WHICH-

Lee manages to tell her more when you choose not to shoot him, but just watching Clementine get to the door and her little “don’t go” before Lee closes his eyes and falls over limp... falls over dead, I just--

Ouch... I am applauding this through my ugly sobs.

It’s the best death in the series. It has everything and then some- emotional impact, works to progress the story and characters, amazing dialogue and performances.... It still gets me to this day.

---

Honorable Mentions

-Mark’s death technically happens off screen, but I mean, c’mon... Mark wasn’t the most compelling character, but everyone remembers what happened to him. Everyone remembers walker Mark. What happened to him showed us just how fucked the St Johns were and it’s excellent. -Brody’s death is pretty good, too. -Abel’s death is an interesting one. He’s a garbage can, but they managed to humanize him just a bit by the way he hands his soon-to-be demise. -Badger when Conrad kills him. It’s super good. -I’m looking over this list now and it’s kinda funny that not a single S2 death made it here... it’s almost like all the character death that happened there was because a quota needed to be filled and who cares about complex character development when you got Kenny and nothing really matters I guess... ugh. The best deaths would probably be Carver, and Kenny when you shoot him but they’re not good enough to be in a top 5 so.... good job.

---

So... that was fun. What do you guys think? Do you agree with my choices or nah? Do you have a favorite death I didn’t list that you thought was well executed? Let me know, I’m curious.

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

---

Next week’s T5F

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spectralscathath · 4 years

Text

Run Boy Run, This World is Not Made For You

Grown men shouldn't beat up kids. Mercury knows that in his bones.

Spoilers for RWBY Volume 8: "Fault". Ao3 link

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hazel had left the room.

Mercury stayed perched in the alcove he'd lodged himself into, the Grimm muscle pulsing around him as he used the flesh and sludge to hide where he could in this place. When fighting and running failed, Mercury fell back on hiding.

He dropped down, boots silent despite their weight as he took quick, quiet steps into the room, just to see what all the fuss was about. Emerald was being boring and horndogging after Cinder with her fucked-up mommy issues, and Mercury knew better than to stay in any public areas in case Tyrian got bored and wanted to play a rousing round of 'pick on Mercury'. Fuck that shit.

He slipped in, the smell of blood and vomit hitting his nose. A luckier man would have flinched. Mercury barely registered it. He studied the tiny form in a fuck-ugly green jacket, the kid's back to him.

That was the kid from Haven. The Ozpin kid.

He noticed the kid was shaking at the same time he heard tiny whimpers, and it rang in his ears with too much familiarity.

a ring with a ram's head insignia, a fist with a missing finger, knuckles gnarled and knobbled like tree bark-

"you think you can talk back to me, boy?"

pain blooming in his eye, something cracking in his cheek-

Mercury shook his head and walked over out of morbid curiosity, prowling around the kid like a hungry dog slank around free food, suspicious of a catch.

The kid was in bad shape. His skin swollen and mottled with an ugly rainbow of bruises, one eye swollen shut and his nose crunched in like some kind of fucked-up bulldog, weeping blood and snot all over his face. His arms and legs were curled tight, gangly childish limbs pulled close to protect the squishy bits of the body, but he wasn't curled so tight into a ball. Mercury clocked the broken ribs from that alone, the way each breath wheezed and hitched extra confirmation.

The kid wasn't crying.

Not for lack of trying, however.

One eye was scrunched shut, tears clumped on the lashes as each attempt at a heaving sob turned into a reedy whistle, unable to get the air in for a real cry, unable to get it out either. Vomit coated the boys front, like he'd been hit in the stomach enough to empty his guts. Probably had, knowing Hazel's hits.

the heavy swing of leather before a metal buckle cracked against his forearm, thrown up in desperation-

a growl. an insult. a vice-like grip on his wrist, grinding the bones together until it hurt, wrenching his arm down out of the way-

skin split on his jaw, down to bloodied bone-

Mercury gritted his teeth, shoving away memories of a boy's voice, high and too young, whimpering and apologising for a broken rule that he didn't know existed until Dad said he'd fucked up. He'd been so fucking weak back then. Pathetic.

Eventually crying had turned to anger, and Mercury had gotten bigger, started yelling back, hitting back. Dad hadn't liked that.

His legs ached even though there was nothing there that could ache.

He dropped down into a crouch, a bloodshot green-gold eye opening as the kid finally registered someone was there, trying to cringe away like a dog that had been kicked, raising his hands weakly in front of his face as a shield. Mercury absently noted that forearms didn't bend that way.

broken fingers dabbing water into open wounds, trying to bandage them up as dad snored downstairs, a bottle in one hand and blood on the other. biting back any sound as he tried to fix himself up so he could do it all over again tomorrow. hide, found, beating, quiet. he just wanted it to end.

shaking hands with wrenched fingers did their best, but scars stayed forever.

"no self-respecting assassin uses just one hand, c'mere you little shit-"

The crooked fingers on Mercury's right hand had never fully aligned themselves, and sometimes he could tell a storm was coming when they started to twinge.

Mercury wondered what the fuck he was gonna do now. He'd sated his curiosity. He'd seen what was going on in here.

What now?

He should leave. Before Salem found out and he ended up a heap of blood and snot like this kid.

He should just go.

"you think crying out for help's gonna do anything, you fucking crybaby?" the rough smell of cheap whiskey made him gag. "ain't no one gonna hear you out here. toughen up and take it like a man."

No one ever helped. He had to kill Dad himself.

The thought of this kid trying to do the same to Hazel punched a laugh out of him, the kid flinching bodily at the sound.

Mercury reached for his belt, pulling out the utility knife he kept on the back, emptying his cargo pockets of the small first aid kit he'd carried everywhere, unwilling to ever part from the one thing that had been key to him making it this long.

Oscar flinched with every sound and movement Mercury made, a streaming hiss escaping between his teeth. Mercury paused for a moment, listening, and the breathy sound turned to familiar words.

"pleasepleasepleasepleasedonthurtmeplease-"

Mercury reached out with calloused fingers and gloved hands, cutting the kid's jacket off him with efficient movements before he began shredding the ugly lump of fabric into usable strips.

He tapped the kid's jaw, carefully keeping it light. "Oi. Eyes open, squirt. Eat this-" he shoved the white tablet at him, garbage painkillers Merc only used whenever the pain that constantly wracked through his body became bad enough that he didn't want to move.

The kid complied, something under the mess of burst blood vessels and swollen skin pulling a face at the taste. Little fucker.

Mercury didn't say anything else, not knowing what to say as he used a formerly-disgusting jacket for makeshift bandages, not bothering to give the kid a count as he wrenched a broken forearm back into place and tied it off.

He dabbed away the blood, snot and tears, until the kid looked slightly more human and less like a butcher's slab. That big puppy dog's eye followed his movements, and the kid stopped flinching back from him.

Mercury finished his work and put everything away, metal joints creaking from being in a crouch for so long.

"... thank you." The kid rasped out, throat hoarse. Mercury didn't have any water to give him. Sucked for the kid.

"Don't thank me." Mercury stood up, dusting his hands free of the mess. The kid would learn. Any time spent healing meant more shit to break the next day. Mercury was just prolonging the rest of the kid's life, probably because he was just as much of a sadist as everyone else in this hellhole. Attack dogs didn't make for healers.

"Try pass out early next time, if you can. Might work." Didn't for Mercury, once dad copped on and started waking him up. But hey, Hazel was stupid, could work on dumb muscle like him.

The kid looked like he was about to say something else, and Mercury walked away before he could.

"getting soft, boy."

No he fucking wasn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am Manifesting 'Oscar is the Dionysus to Merc's Hermes and therefore Merc is getting the kid outta there’ ✨ ✨ ✨

#rwby #rwby spoilers #mercury black #oscar pine #rwby volume 8 spoilers #my writings #tw: child abuse #tw: torture #crwby what the fuck is your deal with constantly beating up a 14yo in graphic detail #the public wants to know

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fallingappleshurt · 4 years

Text

Secrets to Save You

It’s here!! The main storyline for my Dancing and Fighting with Fire AU!

TW: Light swearing, non graphic injury description

This first chapter might be a bit boring but I promise you I have a plans

Anyways, hope you enjoy

Chapter 1. Withering Attacks

“Listen, all I’m saying is, your body is completely unnatural, I mean, who can bend like that?” Wilbur said, tipping his head to the side. It was a normal Friday so far, Techno and Wilbur were walking towards the second circle, on their way to pick up Tommy from Tubbo’s family stall.

“Maybe you’re the unnatural one,” Techno said, “Cause those tricks seem pretty natural to me, so, maybe it’s just you.”

“You’re the weird one,” Wilbur retorted, “I don’t know anyone else that can do that-”

“Just because you don’t know anyone else doesn’t mean that they aren’t out there. An old friend of mine-”

“Oh here you go again, back at it about ‘your old friends’, I’m starting to think that they are just imaginary!” Wilbur teased, Techno scoffed and shoved him lightly.

“So you’re projecting onto me now? Very classy Wilbur but I guess that’s to be expected of the Dirty Crime Boy now isn’t it-”

A thundering blare shook the ground, cutting Techno off, instinctively he reached for his sword only to remember that he left it at home. He shoved Wilbur into an alley, in a ditch attempt to protect him, whipping around to find the source of the noise. He saw smoke rising in the distance.

“That looks close to Tubbo’s stall,” Wilbur spoke from behind him, trailing off.

“Tommy,” Techno breathed. That kicked both of the boys back into action. Wilbur started running down the street, there were already some people streaking away from the smoke, screaming.

“We gotta go make sure he’s okay!”

“Wait!” Wilbur turned and saw Techno pulling at a creaky old fence gate.

“This way is much faster,” He forced the gate open, “Hope your climbing skills still hold up!” He said, pulling Wilbur into an alleyway, hoping to avoid any crowds or people in general trying to escape or see the commotion.

Racing forwards, dodging past garbage cans and distressed stray animals, Wilbur called for Techno to slow down or at least say what direction they were going but Techno was on full auto pilot.

Running through a vacant lot, making sure not to step on a pothole he was starting to come up on a stonewall blocking the exit. Techno sped up, jumping onto a dumpster then propelling himself over the wall.

He landed hard but didn’t falter, immediately scanning the area, half of the market was in shambles.

Smoldering pieces of wood clung onto houses and stalls, shattered glass and rubble littered the street, merchandise and shredded cloth lay broken on the ground. Some shops were completely destroyed, pots and pans, and artwork was strewn about.

Guards had already made it there, some were ushring people away, others were taking notes of the damage, one was walking away with a rattling sack, and one was trying to keep a hold on Tommy.

“Let me go! I have to check on him! He-”

“Tommy!” Wilbur said, apparently having made it over the wall, he rushed forwards, trying to get in between the guard and his brother. “Are you okay? What happened?” He asked, checking Tommy over for injuries, besides a nasty cut on his cheek he looked fine.

“One of the shop keepers had tried to open a portal to the nether inside their shop but something malfunctioned and it blew up, a few mobs got out but we have everything under control,” The guard stated, “But just to be safe you should get back to your homes-”

“What does this have to do with Tommy?” Wilbur asked sharply, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“This boy doesn’t have an ID so I was going to take him back to the outpost-”

“We are his guardians,” Techno cut in, chest tight, “He’s our little brother.”

“I need proof, does he have an ID?”

“It’s not with us,” Techno lied, staring at the guard, “He forgot it at home today when going to school but I can assure you he’s ours.”

“That isn’t eno-”

“Let go of my brother.” Techno didn’t back down, neither did the guard. After a few moments Wilbur cut through the silence.

“Sir, please, don’t you have something more important you could be doing? Just let us take our little brother,” He said, hopefully.

The guard pondered it for a moment before begrudgingly letting go of Tommy, “Fine but if I find him again without his ID he’s coming with me.” Then he stalked off.

Techno watched him as he went, making sure he didn’t try and grab Tommy again.

“Tommy what happened? Where is Tubbo and his family?” Wilbur asked, Tommy shifted his feet.

“So me and Tubbo were just hanging out when the wall of the shop blew in and a piece of wood hit me across the face-which doesn’t hurt ‘m fine Wilbur stop it- and Sparkles told us to hide in the back so we hid in the storage closet,” He gestured behind him at the ruined shop.

“Then we heard Sparkles shout, Tubbo started panicking and ran out, yelling about the Captain and he picked up a sword and it was so cool! He started fending off these creepy black skeletons when-” He stopped suddenly, hand starting to shake.

“Tommy?” Wilbur prompted after a minute, Tommy swallowed, blinking rapidly.

“Then the skeleton slashed him across the chest and he screamed, Sparkles showed up and knocked its head off but he grabbed Tubbo and ran off, saying something about infection but, I saw the wound and- and- it looked so bad.” He broke off, shoulders hunching in. Techno felt a lump in his throat.

Wilbur wrapped his arms around him as Tommy started to shake, “It-it was bleeding a lot and-and the edge were turning black then that guard came up and asked for my ID but all I could think about was how Tubbo was wearing his favorite shirt but now it’s ruined and-”

Wilbur hushed him gently, tightening his hold. “Tubbo will be okay, don’t you worry Tommy, he’s a strong lad, he’ll be just fine,”

“But he-”

“You just told me that he took on a monster all by himself, I’m sure that he’ll heal in no time and that you guys will be playing baseball and getting up to stupid shit.”

Tommy laughed wetly, “I wanna do stupid shit with him,” Wilbur didn’t chastize him on swearing, neither did Techno. Techno placed a hand on Tommy’s head, messing with his hair absentmindedly. He hadn’t seen the monster but he already knew it was a Wither Skeleton and that Tubbo most likely had Withering. Tubbo was a strong kid but not many people survived that poison.

But he couldn’t tell Tommy that.

Not right now.

So he didn’t, he just stood there, playing with his hair until Wilbur pulled away, “I know you’re worried about Tubbo but Phil is probably worried about us, so we should head home and get that cut taken care of.”

Tommy nodded. Before leaving Wilbur walked back into the shop, grabbing Tommy’s backpack off the floor, dusting off dirt and wood chippings.

As he came back out, Techno grabbed his shoulder, “I’m going to go check on Tubbo,” He whispered, Wilbur nodded heading down the street with Tommy in tow, trying to get Tommy to tell him about school.

Techno waited till they were rounding the corner before jogging down the street, looking for a medical tent, they were too far from the actual hospital for Tubbo so they had to be close by.

He kept running until a small white tent with red hearts on the flaps came into view, outside was the Captain himself, pacing back and forth. Techno skidded to a halt next to him.

“Tommy told me what happened, how is Tubbo? Did he get withering?” Techno tried not to sound desperate, hoping that it was just a little cut and maybe Tommy had just seen things strangely during the whole fascisco.

The Captain sighed, “Three deep claw marks down his chest, he’s lost some blood and has withering.”

Techno’s heart dropped, “What about the milk remedy? That has to do something, I bet if you administer it quickly it’ll draw the poison ou-”

“It’s not just that, we are doing the milk remedy but the cuts are too deep, he probably won’t survive the shock of it all, the poison, or the infections from the gashes.” The Captain’s hands were clenched at his sides, shaking, his eyes were tired.

“It’s a shame I can’t make potions, I know how to but I don’t have the resources to get the materials, or hell even buy one myself but alchemy is a rich man's game.” His voice was bitter and brittle.

Techno frowned, he wasn’t going to give up that easily. Maybe Tubbo would beat the odds and survive it, maybe he could steal a potion? No that was too risky, potions were kept in high security places. Or he could try and get into the Nether himself- Then it hit him.

He needed to visit a certain blue bastard.

“Captain, you know how to make potions?” He asked, “And all you would need are the materials?”

The Caption nodded, “Yes, I just need some blaze rods and powder and some nether wart. I have everything else.”

“So if I could get you that then you would be able to save Tubbo?”

“Hopefully yes,” The Captain said hesitantly, “Techno what are you planning?”

“Nothing,” Techno said, “Nothing at all, I just have to talk to a friend.” He turned to leave then spun on his heels.

“By the way, we never had this conversation.” Then he started off towards the fourth ring to talk to Skeppy.

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andromeda612 · 4 years

Text

Continuation...

Read part 1 here

"I-I I'm tired of this liying disease!" And the farewalls are there again.

And then her classmates look confused.

"What are you talking about?" Mylene is looking aware but less hostile than a few seconds before.

"Is a very rare condition, it makes me lie against my will, and well when in my old school my classmates found about it they started to bullying me, they were to cruel, and I was just to scared when I first come to Dupond, because I didn't want to live that hell again, so I never said anything, I know it was unfair but it was horrible and I'm still in theraphy fot that, and then Marinette discovered that I was lying and was so hostile about it and I just panicked, and it get worse when I'm under stress, and then this guy just call me out and I panicked again and just started to threw off all that ridiculous nosense and and I'm so sorry" again the liar is crying full force, the we-know-the-truth squad have to admit it, Lila is a very good actress.

Now, some of the class starts to soften, the girls the most, some still look confused but the anger is gone.

"Do you really can't help it?" Rose, sweet Rose asks looking more sympathetic

"I can't and I'm so sorry, this stupid disease had put me in too much trouble before, I just wanted to feel safe and make friends"

Rose, Mylene,Sabrina, Kim and Alya seems to buy it, the rest still look a little unsure

"You can talk to Principal Damocles, he knows about my condition, after all it was my illnes what got Marinette expelled, I'm so sorry Marinette I hope some day you can forgive me"

And with that the rest look convinced, and start to comfort her. She wins... oh boy! How WRONG she is!

Alix, Nathaniel, Marinette and Adrien look defeated, the liar gets away with no consequences again, but Marc just look unimpresed and a little bored, the game isn't over, time to his next move and Alya just give him the perfect push.

"Don't worry girl, Marinette hates liars but she didn't know that is not your fault, of course she forgives you, and she and Marc also apologize to you for making you scare, right guys?"

"I-I" Marinette doesn't know what to say, she doesn't want to apologize for something she didn't do, but she would look like the bad guy, her friends who know the truth give her worried looks, but then Marc makes his play.

"Marinette has no reason to forgive her or apologize, nor do I" his tone is calm and his demeanor is firm. His boyfriend, best friends and Adrien are surprised, Marc has some trick under the sleeve apparently.

"What? Did you not heard her? Is not her fault! Come on!" Marinette just pray that Alya would be spare of Marc's anger.

"There is not such a thing like a lying disease"

"But you heard her, is a rare condition and Principal Damocles knows about it, now you are being rude, Marc you are not like this!" Marc's patience is getting thiner and his face is showing it, he normally has a saint's patience but being in Mendeleiev's class makes you to develop a no-nosense character, and Marc is getting tired of this circus, our dear squad are at the edge knowing what a done Marc is capable of. Well most of them, Adrien honestly is getting scared, who would think that the little sunshine could be this intimidating?

"Yeah, I'm still wonder how is that Damocles bought that bullshit" every body froze, Marc never swore, even Chloe looks impresed. Marc is still speaking.

"I thought that you would try that, but honestly I wasn't expecting that you actually would use it, you are desperated, don't you?" And now he is using the silver tongue, his favorite three persons already have seen him like this, in the few ocasions that he gets this mad (insert anecdote about Marc beating the shit out of some random asshole that dared to upset Alix, you would read that once I post this on Ao3 and we get to that chapter)

The rest of the class? well, their jaws almost touch the floor, Marc, sweet and polite Marc just swore and now is being condescending?

"Wow, dude! Calm down, now you-" Nino tried to play moderator, but a single glare of a pissed off and so done Marc was enough to shut him up. The rest also winced for the glare, Was Marc always this scary? And Adrien now fears for his best bro's fate, lucky for him Lila is Marc's only target.

"Now let's get things straight, shall we? There is not a condition that makes you lie against your will, my proof? There is not a single study, academic paper, investigation or even a notice about it. And no, saying that you are the only case in the world is not excuse, quite the contrary actually, being the only case the scientific comunity would be doing lots of research about you, and you could always ask to remain anonymous, so that is not excuse either.

The only condition that involves lies is the pathological lying, but that would mean that you are aware of your lies, I'm sure Markov can confirm this with a quick research, Markov? Could you please?"

"On it!"

"Now, even if this illnes was real, that still doesn't explain the sheet answers or the necklace, or the fact that you were unharmed but somehow lying at the end of the stairs when Mari was expelled, it also doesn't explain why you were willingly let Marinette been seen as a bully just a moment before, or you were going to say that was all a big misunderstandig? Were you?" His voice is firm but calm, and his face remains stoic, Adrien can't help but think that Nathalie would be proud.

Now Lila is stunned too, this wretched boy just debunked her card to save face, and she didn't even had the chance to reply, the ravenette didn't let her say a word and every body is to nervous to try and interrumpt him.

Even Markov seems uneasy when he shyly (and even a little scared) interrumpts him.

"Eh, I just finished my research and according with the data, indeed there is not a disease that makes you lie against your will, I take some liberties and analyzed Lila's behaivor and what match with it is, as you said, pathological lying, but that means that she is aware of her actions and lies"

Just for a brief moment Marc came back to his sweet and gentile self "Thank you Markov" and then the scary and no-nosense Marc was back.

"So, Lila, that mean that you perfectly knew what you were doing when you lied to them. Care to explain?"

Lila was about to talk, already making an excuse, but Marc decided that honestly she just have one move left and it was not worth his time.

"Save it, I know, you just wanted to look cool and make friends or some garbage like that"

Well, actually yes, she was going to say something between that lines, damn it! Who is this guy?

"Well, It would be believable if not for the fact that more than friends, it seems that what you wanted were servants and admirers"

Again everybody is to shocked to intervene.

"I mean, how many times did you fake being hurt so they would carry your things, or make the hard work for you, or take your notes? How many times you said you were too busy so they would do your homework? How many times you were "broken" "because you donated all your money for that charity" so they would buy you lunch? And how many times you return that money? How many times you help them? How many times you promised them something but never kept that promise? How many times you aked them for something but never return the favor?"

Lila: So Marinette did talked to you about me! Otherwise how is that you know all of it? I have never talked to you before!

Marc: Marinette was not the one who talked to me about you, and I realized that you were a manipulative liar by myself, you are not as smart as you think. And even if it was Marinette who talked to me about your tales, is irrelevant, the fact is Are you really the person you said you were?

The rest of the class is now thoughtful, remembering inf fact all those times, and slowly realization sunk in their minds, and now their eyes are narrowed towards Lila, indeed, were they her friends or just her pwans? Is Lila the person they thought she was?

Lila is really really doomed, there is a too low posibility to get out of this that is almost null and she knows it. Her classmates start to demand explanations.

Marc: Check, Lila

And Lila just can see him with hate. Where is Hawk Moth????? She need some powers now!!!!

Meanwhile with the squad...

Adrien: wow, just wow

Marinette: are you ok?

She knows is pretty stunning the first time you see Protective! Marc in action.

Adrien: Yes, I just wish that this would be less... intense but Lila brought it to herself

Nathaniel: Oh dude! This isn't over

Nop, if they knew Marc and they do, they know that Marc is not done yet. Adrien is taken back for it, there is more?

Adrien: What do you mean?

Alix: Listen, Agreste. Marc is all about the right words, he just said Check, but every body knows in chess the game isn't over until someone says Checkmate, he isn't done yet.

Indeed, Marc has not yet delivered his final blow. And just a look to his face is enough to know that he is ready for it. where normally is his sweet smile now is a confident and cold smirk, and his always gentile eyes are burning with a fire that screams determination and victory.

The squad is on edge, and if Nathaniel is blushing a little not even Alix says something, to intrigued to tease her friend.

And between the voices demanding answers and the one trying to sell her excuses, Marc's voice is heard clear and strong, something rare for the always soft spoking and shy writer, making every body to remain silent. Not even Chloe dares to say word.

"In fact Lila, I'm curious, why would you do that? They were always kind to you and Marinette was never really mean to you, so why?"

Marc stands up from his seat beside his boyfriend and walks to where Lila is cornered by his friends. His walk and moves are confident, his head high and his eyes scream 'don't get in my way'

Nathaniel suddenly feels VERY thirsty, and the rest of them, even Alix and Marinette who have experience with this side of him, are astonished to see their naturally shy and anxious friend being so confident and bad-ass.

Some are starting to think that he was abducted by aliens. They clear the path, so Marc is front of Lila who is still sitting in the blanket, and looks down at her.

Now here I have a good monologue about Marc being so HBIC with Lila, but I don't want to show it until I post the fic in Ao3, this is just a draft. But he says things he knows would anger her, until Lila snaps and stands up in fury and screams about how much better than everybody she is, about what she really thinks about her classmates even about Ladybug, how much she hates her, Marinette and now him, and juts to put the nail in the coffin, she says that she wish that they were dead so they don't mess up her plans.

(Don't think Marc is reckless, he is clever and knows that Lila would be a very potential Akuma, maybe someone else, so when he comes up with his plan he said to the team that it would probably make Lila akumatized, Marinette said that she would handle that, they don't question her, after all she was who gave Alya that interview with Ladybug, so they trust her)

And then some gasps make her remember that they have an audience, she looks around and is met with the horrified faces of her classmates.

She showed her true colors, now is imposible for her to save face, nobody is going to believe her again. She looks again to Marc and sees his victorious expression, it was a tramp and she took the bait, fuck!

"Checkmate, Rossi. The game is over, you lost"

She is furious, all her work, her empire is ruined, and is all this brat fault! She looks for an akuma but nothing!

Her classmates are now angry and she is outnumbered, she runs away.

Nobody dares to speak, still processing what just happened, and then is Marinette the first to collect herself and jumps out of her seat and runs to hug Marc.

"YOU!!!! YOU LITTLE DIAVOLIC ANGEL! YOU ARE AWESOME THANK YOU!!!"

Marc giggles, his sweet and gentle demeanor back, and returns the hug.

"Nobody mess with my beloved ones and gets away with it"

Now, the rest also react and remember

HOLLY MOLLY MARINETTE WAS RIGHT

They apologize, and she forgives them, they defended her after all.

They also cheer and congrat Marc, because holly shit that was intense! They now have a new respect for Marc

Nino: Dude! Remember me to NEVER be on Marc's bad side!

And yeah, all of them unanimously agreed to never make the cinnamon roll mad. Kim also wonders if is worth it to tease him to see his funny and cute annoyed reaction, after this he doesn't want to take any risk.

Alya: Yikes! Who would think that the cute Rainbow comes with storm included?

Alix: I would like to say that you get used to it... but that would be a lie, and we know that lying is not a good idea

Everybody laughs, and enjoy the rest of the evening.

Oh! And you remember the research our artist gang did? Just after going to Mari's home for another sleepover, once the picnic was over, they send some emails, to Damocles, the School Board and Mrs. Rossi.

Next day of school was a very interesting one, Lila was being ignored until is called to principal Damocles' office. The next thing they know is that there were some screams in Italian, Lila and her mother are in the classroom, Mrs. Rossi also give a piece of her mind to Bustier and Lila is forced to apologize. Again there is no akuma. HM has been a little quiet, maybe he is bussy in his civilian life, just like Gabriel Agreste who is in Japan in a business meeting, but that is just a coincidence, really! Oh and they may or may not have the whole thing in video, because Marc deserves to watch, he was the hero here after all.

Lila has what she deserves, karma is wonderful and Damocles and Bustier are sent to make some curses in education and dealing with bullying.

Everybody who matters is happy :D

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imaginesmai · 4 years

Text

Chris Evans - Banana’s worries

Since Bananas was so popular, I decided to write another fic about dad!Chris Evans! Hope you like it!

Plot: Banana the plushie is making another appearance in your life, and this time is bringing worries.

Chris had always been a light sleeper.

Living with a brother that loved to make pranks on him made him be aware at night of whoever might enter into his room. Then, he had spent nights awake waiting to know if he had gotten the role he had fought so hard to win. The time difference between countries, and the fact that he was always late, made him grow used to the jet lag everywhere he went.

Claire’s first years weren’t easy, neither. When you first brought her from the hospital, the doctor told you that it was very important for you to take it easy, as you had suffered from some problems in the birth. That left Christ for the first two weeks of Claire being home to take care of her at night. She was a screamer, for sure. Not only she cried a lot, but screamed every time she wanted something. Christ spent two weeks without sleeping, and the only place he dozed off was in the shower.

Since becoming a parent, he had been a much more light sleeper than what he was at the beginning. Therefore, in the middle of the night, when the door to your bedroom opened with a creak, he was the first one to open an eye.

The sheets were, as always, thrown to the floor; so he had no mental protection from whoever was at the door. You were facing the window, and he was laying behind you with one hand placed over yours. It didn’t matter how you went to sleep, he always managed to touch you in anyway.

All the worries went away when, a moment later, he heard the recognizable soft pitter-patter of tiny feet, and he grinned softly. Chris couldn’t hear her crying or in any other kind of distress; besides, you had a sixth sense that woke you up when Claire was sick. It wasn’t a nightmare, neither, because Claire just cried for you from his bed.

So he kept his eyes closed until he felt her coming around to his side of the bed.

“ ‘Kay, Banana. You ‘ave to be quiet” Claire whispered as good as a three year-old could.

The stuffed fruit that Claire hadn’t let go since Chris brought it plopped down to Chris’ feet, and then the little blanket that was on the bed was tugged on so that Claire had a good grip to haul herself onto the bed.

Chris heard the small puffs of air that the little girl made every now and then. He fought the urge to help her, knowing she was in an independent phase encouraged by her cousins that made her think that she could do anything without her parents, because she was no baby.

He felt a small poke on his hand that let him know that you were awake too. Opening one eye slowly, he looked at you; you were already looking at him, with your hair spread all over the pillow and a sleepy smile on your face. You had no make-up, an old pyjamas and your eyes were swollen from sleep. Still, Chris got lost in you and almost forgot about the toddler trying to get in your bed.

“Yay!”

Claire seemed to have forgotten her own rule about being quiet, because she let an excited squeal when she finally plopped face first on the bed. She grabbed Banana and hugged her stuffed fruit close to her chest

“Tha’s fo’ nothin’, Banana” Claire scoffed, and you swallowed down a laugh. Chris bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly.

Both of you felt the bed dip as your little girl started to crawl in between towards the head of the bed. She was trying to be as careful as possible, every now and then shushing the toy when she made a loud noise, but both could feel the girl’s tiny knees and elbows digging into your bodies painfully.

She stepped over your linked hands as good as she could, and let her left feet prop up all of her weight on yours. Your eyes widened up comically and Chris emitted a silent laugh that your girl didn’t notice. With a murderous glance, you pretended to be asleep as the toddler walked-tottered.

Claire finally reached the head of the bed, plopping down in between her two parents with an exhausted sigh. She rested Banana on her chest, grinning at her stuffed animal; although a second later, she slammed her to the wall angrily.

“You did ve’y noise” she reprimanded the plushie. “I don’t wike it”

The last sentence finally got to Chris, who cracked down on a fit of loud laughs that made him choke with his own spit. He released your hand and laid on his back, half laughing and half coughing.

For months, Chris had been telling Claire in not-so-secret the ‘I don’t wike it’ thing. The second time he did so, you discovered them, and Claire understood it was something that her mommy didn’t like; so she didn’t do it. In front of everyone, she said the words correctly. But Chris heard her a few months ago in the solitude of her room; then, she denied saying so. It had been a bet on going for months now, that she said it only when no one was around.

And Chris had won.

“Daddy! You ‘wake!” Claire screamed, and turned on her belly to put herself on four.

“Yeah, baby. Daddy’s awake” you answered her, as Chris could barely breath between his laughing fit. “And a bad person”

Claire found the word funny, because the girl giggled quietly and scooted closer to you. She was quite small for her age, and her body fitted perfectly cuddled in your side, her small hand curling around the cloth around your growing stomach.

Chris finally calmed down, and turned to the side to see his two best girls curled around each other. If he had to say, in a way he preferred another girl, rather than a boy. His daughter had been begging to you that she wanted another sister to play with; and she didn’t get that it might not be a girl. Chris knew that the genre of the baby didn’t matter, as long as you were healthy and the baby was born fine, but he didn’t want to face the tantrum Claire would have if, in the end, the baby was a boy.

The man laid on his right shoulder and brought a hand up to play with Claire’s blonde hair. She was already closing her eyes, half awake half in the dreams world.

“You had a nightmare, baby?” you asked, your voice soft.

Claire was quiet for a second, before opening her eyes and alternating between looking at Chris and you.

“No. But Banana wanted to sleep ‘ere” she mumbled, and squeezed the plushie against her chest.

“And why did Banana want to sleep here?” Chris continued. He knew that the bond Claire had with the toy was normal, but sometimes it worried him that she only expressed herself through the toy. If she was hungry, she told you that Banana wanted food. If she did something, she always blamed it on the plushie. “Did he get scared of the dark?”

“No”

“Then?”

“Banana… Banana and I see some’in” she mumbled.

You frowned at her words. Since the moment she had learned to walk by herself, you had been very careful with the things she had access with. Babies love to play with the remotes, and Claire was no exception. She used to hide it, to chew on it and to change the channels every two minutes. A few times that month, she had turned on the TV without anyone knowing; sometimes on channels that weren’t that child-friendly.

So your first assumption was that she had seen part of a film that had made her scared. Chris seemed to think the same, as he frowned too.

“What did you see? Something scary?” he inquired. Claire shook her head again, and started playing with your pyjamas. She looked back to her father when she talked.

“Mean people we’ t’owin’ ol’ ‘ins” she said.

When Claire was scared, nervous or just excited, she messed up with her words, so you had a hard time knowing what she had said. You tried to think what she could have seen where ‘mean people were throwing old things’, but you couldn’t come across anything scary about that. It was true that when Scott came over, he loved to watch that type or program with garbage with Chris; but they weren’t traumatic.

You looked at Chris, but he was focused on your daughter. You didn’t have to ask anything else, as she kept talking. That she didn’t use Banana to talk showed that what she was talking about was something important.

“They – they t’ew ol’ ins an – an got new ones” her eyes filled with tears and, in a matter of a few words, her small face filled with desperation. “You – you t’ow me when baby is ‘ere?”

Claire broke into sobs when she finally expressed her thoughts and worries, and both of your hearts broke. You had thought she was handling well the news of her new sibling. It had only been two days since you told her, and she was pretty excited and happy to have someone to share her toys with.

Chris actually whispered a sad ‘oh, baby’ before pulling the two of you to his chest and creating a human sandwich with Claire in between. She clutched her other hand to his shirt, so hard that it actually tore a bit. Banana was left under her body, the toy making a small squeak noise but not breaking.

“That’s not true, Claire” you assured her. “We can love you both the same”

“But they t‘ow ol’ a’ay” she sobbed into your body, the words barely recognizable. “You ‘il get ti’ed of me!”

You looked up at Chris with desperation, and he looked exactly like you. His eyes were glossy and he was trying to come up with words that didn’t exist. He tried to think about something to say to a crying toddler; she couldn’t understand most of the reasons he could give her, but her mind had picked up on a problem that sounded too mature to her knowledge.

Finally, you sighed and tried to think of something the books you had bought about ‘being a good mother’ could hide.

“Look, baby” you started, and Claire looked at you through the tears. “There is a space, inside our bodies… where we keep the love for the people that matters to us. Do you remember how we love with the heart?”

Claire nodded, and hugged the plushie closer to her body.

“Well, right now, in my heart, there is love for daddy, for you and for a lot of people. Your cousins, your aunts and uncles. I didn’t stop loving daddy because you were born”

“But – t’at no s’me!” she cried out, and Chris made her look at him.

“It’s the same, baby” he used his deep, paternal voice that he only got when he was talking about something important or scolding her. The toddler focused all her attention on him, and swallowed down the tears. “When a new person appear for you to love, you don’t have to throw other away. There is enough space in our heart for al least one hundred people more”

“T’ats a lot” Claire mumbled. She looked at you for confirmation, and when you nodded, she looked down to the plushie and petted its head softly, as if it was a dog. “We don’ ‘ave to worry, Banana. I tell you”

The little girl grabbed his father’s t-shirt and pulled him close until a sandwich of the Evan’s family was made. Looking to the clock of your nightstand, Chris watched as the four o’clock rolled by, and that was another night where he couldn’t probably go back to sleep.

When he so many times had dreamt with having a family, he didn’t expect so many sleepless nights. He expected laughs, dirty diapers and trips to the toy store to have fun himself. And a lot of family reunions with his friends and family where he got to brag about a kid and his wife. He didn’t thought of the vomits on his favourite shirts, of having to fight with the other mothers about theirs kids and vaccines, or about tying so many shoes in a day.

Still, fatherhood was the best thing that he could think of. And he was sure of it when he looked at the two girls sleeping in his bed, tugged into his hide for the rest of his life.

Want to know more about me? Here is my Masterlist! Feedback is always appreciated!!

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dat-town · 3 years

Text

(we are all someone’s) monster

Characters:

Jihoon, Y/N’s brother

Chanyeol, Jihoon’s best friend

Sehun, Yixing, Suho are Jihoon’s and Chanyeol’s friends

Baekhyun, Xiumin, Chen, Kai, D.O are members of the gang named CBX

Genre: action, crime

Setting: set in somewhat in the future, gang au with scifi and dystopian elements

Warnings: minor character death off scene, grief, mentions of gambling, drug usage, murder, violence and all that usual gang stuff i guess

Summary: Neo Seoul is a place without laws and one reckless mistake can cost you more than you ever imagined.

Words: 8.1k

Notes: partly inspired by the Reign quote: “I miss the girl you were.” “Many will. She was easier to kill.” but mostly by the Lotto and Monster MVs (watch them in this order for better imaginary)

Happy birthday to one of my favourite hype women, this ray of sunshine who never fails to make me smile and even when you think, you’re too much, you’re just enough. Love you, @lily-blue <3

Night had always seemed to fall early on Neo Seoul.

Maybe that was why parents didn't warn their children about nightfall anymore: nobody dared to step outside of their house anyways if they didn't know how to protect themselves. After the curfew, only gang members and the reckless roamed on the streets, playing their never-ending cat and mouse games with the agents in charge.

You thought it was ridiculous, how the government cut off this part of the country and called it rotten and dirty, a lost case. You still remembered when they quarantined the entire city, not caring about the innocent people stuck inside, they merely wished to isolate the most dangerous criminals of the nation. The no way out situation should have made it easier to catch them and in theory it worked great. They just didn't calculate how fast the gangs would take charge and special task forces were required more and more often to stop the chaos. It seemed like some people would have rather burnt the whole city down than to go down alone. One misstep and anyone could die. There were no laws or justice in a place like this. Not anymore. Only power and survival mattered. You had learned that the hard way.

"I told you to stay away," a deep voice sounded from behind you and you gulped a bit nervously, licking your dry lips before turning around. A tall figure stepped out of the shadows but you didn't back away. You knew you didn't need to be afraid of Chanyeol.

"You can't tell me what to do," you retorted and the boy scoffed at you, rolling his eyes, slightly annoyed. There was nothing left from the playfulness emitting from his eyes like when he showed you how to start a car without the key.

"I know but your brother would hate me if I didn't try to keep you out of trouble," he reminded you and the mention of your brother left a bitter taste in your mouth. You remembered his lifeless body on the pavement, blood pouring from his chest, painting the concrete crimson while your screams and cries were muffled into Chanyeol's shirt as he held you, so you wouldn't break apart and fall to pieces in your grief.

"Well, he's dead, so you don't have to worry about that," you bit back a bit more harshly than intended but the loss of your brother was still a fresh wound despite the months that passed since the shooting.

"Doesn't mean I'm not worried about you," Chanyeol said with fire in his dark eyes but it only made you feel momentarily guilty. You turned back to the door without sparing a second glance at the redhead behind you and with quick, skilled fingers you picked the lock, opening the padlock before kicking the back door of the store open. You and your brother used to hang out here a lot with his friends but it had been locked down ever since it became a death scene.

You walked to the basement door, a part of you expecting the lanky boy to follow your inside but he was nowhere to be found when you looked back on. Hah, why was he there and what did he want, you wondered but instead of dwelling over useless things like that, you hurried down to get extra cartridges and some cash from your brother's hidden safe. A girl needed to know how to protect herself in a world like yours after all.

Everything was different before the lock down. You were just a normal girl with normal dreams but then suddenly you were thrown into this game of survival against your will. At first, it all felt surreal and you thought it would be over before you could get used to this but no, that didn't happen. You couldn't even stay out of it no matter how much you wished you had nothing to do with it. Your only mistake was to work a regular cashier job at that exact shop where a dealer was killed and you accidentally saw it. Your brother decided to learn to shoot to be able to protect you and it turned out some of his friends had already had his own connections to the underworld of Neo Seoul. Soon, the chatty movie session turned into shooting practices, fist fights and it all spiralled down. There was no way back to normal.

Not after you saw your brother getting shot for a debt worth only a few bags of rice.

You locked yourself up for weeks, not speaking with anyone, not opening the door to anyone, willing to give it up until the spark of survival instinct pushed you forward. You needed to live in order to avenge your brother. You needed to figure out who gave the order and who pulled the trigger and wanted them dead. An eye for an eye. It was a brutal world after all.

You shoved the ammo and money into your bag, put it on and was ready to leave already. A quick 5 minute job. Chanyeol was worried about nothing.

Stepping out onto the streets that were eerily quiet at first, you looked at the neon lights coming from the main road and decided to take a detour. By passing the garbage on the streets you went from alcove to alcove and waited by fire stairs when you heard noises around you. You learned to be careful, careful enough to get the rundown place you called home safe and sound, knowing fully well that something was off.

Your hands hovered over the light switch and looked around in the dimly lit room, moonlight and neon colours filtered through the blinds. You closed the door three times, not two, you always did, so that meant that someone had either been there or was still inside.

You pulled your gun - used to be your brother's - out from your belt and pointed straight at the source of the noise when the old wooden floor creaked. You pressed on the switch, then suddenly light filled the room and your finger trembled over the trigger.

"What a way to greet an old friend," the boy dared to smirk at you, so sure of himself that you wouldn't shoot him.

Old friend, he said, but it was ironic because he was never a friend. He was the black sheep of the group. He was the silent force. He was only a friend of a friend.

He came with Chanyeol, like a package, and the elder being your brother's best friend, you knew him too. Cross that, you knew of him but you never knew him, not really. He was that kind of mysterious kid who nobody really knew. He was the whiskey on the top of your tongue after a wild night though. He was the mischief in staying out after curfew. He was the lighter and you were the match.

"Where were you?" you asked him firmly, not lowering the gun.

"Around. Heard you didn't want company and disappeared. Yeol couldn't shut up about you," the midnight black haired boy's voice was half amusement, half annoyance but you could at least tell that it was a lie. He didn't find it funny.

"Then why are you here now?" you kept on the interrogation. He disappeared too right after your brother died, he was the only one out of your friends' group who didn't even show up at the funeral or whatever you were allowed to have under the circumstances.

"Because I have info you might be interested in," he tilted his head, almost a challenge and that was what he had always been. Oh Sehun was still a mystery to you, after all these years.

You sighed and lowered the gun, closing the door behind you after toeing off your shoes. Not that you thought Sehun would actually hurt, you just… you were wary of everybody these days. It was better this way: better safe than sorry, your brother would have been proud.

“So… what is it? What’s so important you sneaked in so late instead of knocking on my door like any decent person would have?” you huffed, grabbing two beers from your small, almost empty fridge and throwing one can at the boy towering in your living room before sinking deep into your cozy, worn out couch.

“You wouldn’t have opened the door to any decent person,” Sehun scoffed at you, knowing too well and bobbed his head towards you in appreciation for the cold beverage. He took his time sitting down and playing on your nerves. He wasn’t wrong though.

You gritted your teeth, taking a sip of your cheap beer, trying to be nonchalant. As if you didn’t notice the scar on his cheek or that his jacket was a bit worn. It looked like he had a rough few weeks behind him.

“I asked around to figure out who wanted Jihoon dead,” the boy spoke up eventually and you flinched at your brother’s name. You sucked in a breath, eyes finding Sehun’s above your drink. “Have you ever heard of the organization named CBX?”

“They have that casino downtown, don’t they?” you furrowed your brows, trying to remember why the abbreviation sounded so familiar. Sehun hummed.

“They do have a casino but they have lots of other underground business. Chicken and dog fights, drug dealing, stolen goods, anything you can illegally trade with,” he said and you shouldn’t have been surprised to hear about it. A casino being the cover business for such things was almost too predictable but now these gangs didn’t even want to hide. “They gamble with lives too and they provide loans for desperate ones. So my guess is that Jihoon got on their bad side.”

You have been trying to figure out what was behind the shooting that came from an unidentified grey van but you couldn’t go anywhere. You didn’t even know that Jihoon was in debt and that he owed to gang members, it was Chanyeol who told you but he said he didn’t know whom exactly he had connections with. You didn’t know how Sehun figured this out, or how much he knew but you didn’t want him to get involved because of you. You had enough of people sacrificing themselves for you. Your brother was enough, no wonder you cut ties with everybody after his death. A lonely life wasn’t the best but it was better than the guilt.

“Okay, how good that guess is?” you gulped down your bitterness.

“Pretty good but you can't bring them down alone, don’t even think about it," Sehun told you and his worried tone was laughable. As if it wasn’t him with whom you were almost caught by the agents for staying out after curfew.

"Watch me," you rolled your eyes at him, standing up from your place on the couch and turning your back to him. “I guess you know where the exit is,” you said with a strong hint in your voice, indicating that you wanted him gone soon. But Sehun wasn’t one to take commands well.

“Yah, don’t be stupid,” he grabbed on your wrist stopping you but you didn’t have any of it.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” you snapped at him, yanking your arm out of his grip. A sudden flare of anger flashed through you as you whipped your head around him. “I’m not fucking twenty years old anymore who was stupid enough to fall in love with you just because you spared a glance at me.”

Only silence followed your remark and you could see the surprise in the boy’s dark eyes. He didn’t expect that kind of answer. Maybe he didn’t expect you to bring up your mistake by yourself. It was your fault, being young and foolish, falling for the mysterious bad boy-type of guy just because he was considerate with you. But confessing on a drinking night, lips still sweet from the melon vodka you just had was just as silly as your feelings themselves. Of course, Sehun started avoiding you then. You weren’t going to make another mistake like that: naive and reckless.

“Just… be careful,” the boy said in the end, voice resigned as he backed away, opening the door for himself. There was something haunting in his eyes, something like regret but you refused to think about it as you slid down by the wall, hiding your face into your hands.

With the information you had gotten, you started investigating, collecting articles, wanted posters, anything connected to the CBX and it seemed like they indeed had their hands in many nasty things but nobody wanted to talk about them, probably they were too afraid to. So you didn’t really have much of a choice, you had to see the place for yourself and ask around.

It was actually easier than expected. They didn’t even check you at the casino’s entrance, they didn’t ask for your ID or bank account when you exchanged cash for tokens, they just let you in. No wonder there were all kinds of people there and all kinds of games too the deeper you went inside, following tips of players. It was some kind of sin dungeon with all sorts of illegal stuff some you wished to forget you even saw.

“Are you lost, little girl?” A guy with Chesire smile walked into your vision, his eyes mischievous and not promising any good. He came closer than you would have preferred but you didn’t want to draw attention by pulling out your gun so soon.

“No. Actually I’m looking for someone,” you said, confident and willing yourself to not to grimace at the alcohol smell coming from the guy. “I heard there’s someone lending out loans here.”

This was your best bet. If they could lead you to the guy handling debts here, you could see if he reacted to your brother’s name but first, you had to find him. The Chesire cat smile guy seemed giddy at the mention though, so you were hopeful.

“Oooh... Xiumin? His office is at the end of the corridor,” he pointed at a black painted door and when you pulled away, your steps leading you to said door, the guy yelled after you, laughing. “Have fun!”

His voice creeped you out and you basically felt his following gaze on your back until you reached the unmarked door and knocked three times.

The guy who opened it wore a loose dress shirt, cigarette hanging from his lips and he blew the smoke into your face.

“So… you’re here for money? How much?” he asked straightforwardly as soon as you stepped into his office, taking a seat on the sofa he showed you. There were several safes in the room probably filled with gold and cash but in reality, you didn’t care. You just wanted to meet the man who provided Jihoon.

“Five million,” you blurted out the first number you could think of but Xiumin looked at you suspiciously.

“That’s a lot,” he noted in a calm but warning manner. It wasn’t a no though, so you pressed further.

“I heard you’re the only one to provide enough for that.”

Now that seemed to interest the guy, he took another big inhale from his cigarette while not taking his eyes off you and mumbled: “Who told you that?”

“P.O,” you told him your brother’s nickname but the guy didn’t show any signs of knowing who he was. He didn’t question you about who he was though, so he probably had an idea of his own. You were almost sure it wasn’t enough to convince him to give you that much money, so you weren’t surprised when he asked for insurance.

“What’s the collateral? How will you make sure I get my money back?” The loan shark leaned back in his chair casually, fingertips rubbing against each other while you had to come up with a believable excuse for you to need that much money.

“I need this to get my store running again, if it happens, I will be able to pay even for the interest,” you claimed but it didn’t seem to be enough as the guy merely shook his head.

“Not many businesses survive in Neo Seoul these days. You need to give me a better reason.”

His arrogance annoyed you because you couldn’t figure out anything like this and you weren’t about to sell your soul for five million you didn’t need anyways.

“If you don’t want to give me a loan, just say so. Looks like I’m wasting my time here,” you hissed and stood up, ready to leave hastily.

“You are brave for coming here after what happened to your brother,” Xiumin’s retort was however enough to stop you mid-action. “Don’t you think it’s selfish of you to ask for more money when your dear friend paid back what your brother owed me just to protect you?”

“So you admit you killed him?”

“Me? That wouldn’t have been worth it for me. I needed him alive to get my money back,” the guy lifted his hands in a defensive manner, somewhat amused by your groundless accusation as if you were a child getting ahead of yourself. Your hands turned into fists from the anger bubbling up in you. Because if it wasn’t him then who was it? And why? And who was that friend that paid for the debt? You didn’t even think of it but the loan shark probably sent him men to collect the money after your brother died. Who stopped them before they could have gotten to you?

The last one was suddenly all too obvious: Chanyeol.

It wasn't hard to find him at all. He still lived in that camping car he had been driving around since he was 19 and you knew his favourite parking spots by heart. You repeatedly hit on its door, calling his name but all you had met with were echoes of the metal clashing. You gave up with a huff but when you turned around, there he was crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Are you looking for me?" he raised a brow and you immediately hit on his chest.

"How dare you go behind my back and pay back Jihoon's debt without telling me?"

Chanyeol let you use him as a punchbag until your anger subsided, knowing too well that it was about your trust and not the money. When your shoulders eventually fell, he put his hands over your fist, his warm skin soothing you.

"I'll tell you everything," he promised and pulled you inside his trailer, sitting you down on his bed. He made sure you paid attention before he started speaking, telling you how Jihoon had been acting weird before his death, a bit off. He didn’t want to speculate anything and upset you for nothing in case he was wrong, especially after his best friend died. So he took it upon himself to sell a few of his precious old records and pay off your brother’s loan that he had taken to keep your place even after rents had gone up. He hadn’t told you because he didn’t want to burden you, especially after you had shut everyone out.

“Okay, now tell me how you figured it out,” Chanyeol looked at you expectantly and in exchange for everything he had just told you, you knew he deserved at least that much, so you let him know about your visit in the casino. You saw him get tense at the mention of the gambling den and that you talked with the loan shark but he stayed silent even when you finished.

“I’m not a little girl needing protection anymore,” you reminded him because he kept treating you like you were a child just because you had been his best friend’s little sister. Chanyeol looked at you as if you hit him with those words.

“I know and I miss the girl you were,” he said firmly, voice raspy and stretchy as he looked over at you. Despite the word miss and what that could have implied, his tone missed fondness. You raised your chin slightly and scoffed at the ridiculous claim.

“Many will. She was easier to kill,” you agreed and got up from the worn material of the bed. What was there to miss? Your naivety? You quickly made your way out of Chanyeol’s car and only faltered when he called out your name, his tone resigned.

“They killed him because they think Jihoon had been reporting to government agents,” he called after you, voice dissolving in the windy air but it still punched every bit of oxygen out of your lungs. Breathing suddenly became harder and hiding behind brick fall, you put your trembling hands in front of your mouth.

So Jihoon did die because of you after all...

It all started about a year ago. You had been sneaking out regularly by then, sometimes to meet Sehun in dark alleys, riding on his bike behind him or just by yourself for the adrenaline or for fresh air, away from your brother’s protective eyes. Maybe if he was there with you, if you had called Sehun that day, this all wouldn’t have happened. But you were out of luck, cornered by four patrolling agents. Since it had been your first offence, they had been easy on you, offering you a deal: information for safety, so you were one of their eyes on the inside, letting them know about everything you heard or saw. It had been your little secret and now it killed a man.

You knew you had to act quickly because if the gang was willing to kill a man for your sins, your life was in an even bigger danger than you realized. You were only safe until they didn't know, so you had to be extra careful from now on. Or you had to make sure they couldn't touch you. So maybe your plan was made on the whim, maybe it was a leap of faith but you wanted these assholes to pay for what they had done… in one way or another. So you made a plan overnight. You admitted it wasn't your most secure and foolproof one but it was a plan nevertheless and if everything worked out, this CBX organisation would go down which was exactly what you wanted.

You activated your aurec - a specific type of audio recorder which also functioned as a tracker using GPS coordinates - and thread it onto your necklace, hiding it under your clothes, securing your gun under your leather jacket and stepped out to the streets of Neo Seoul, heading straight for the casino just before nightfall. You were about to act like you came back for that loan you had previously discussed with Xiumin as well but in reality you still had no intention of actually doing anything with their dirty money, you just needed proof or at least a good enough reason for the agents to cut this business off. It went almost too easily: asking around and having people tell you about the drugs they had brought here, the deals they made, the things they had seen. You were sure it added up to enough sin to put the leaders behind the bars for a long while.

But of course, it was suspicious - how easy it was. You knew you should have been more careful when asking around about your brother, whether anyone had heard of him. You should have left until you could when people started whispering behind your back but you were determined and high on adrenaline, so you only noticed the two guys watching you when it was already too late. You had nowhere to run then and then the whole world went dark.

It felt like waking from a very long and absurd dream. You had been running in a white dress and two wolves had been chasing you but neither the dress nor the animals were anywhere when you opened your eyes, so you were sure they drugged you with something. It was still hard to concentrate. You shook your head, looking around but when you tried to move you realised you were tied in place in a windowless, dark room, facing a man on a high chair.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," he singsonged tilting his head as his gaze roamed over your body. "Oh, don't look at me like that. It's like you want to kill me which is funny because it's you who came spying to my place. I should be the angry one."

"This place is a cesspit," you spat at which the guy let out a laughter.

"Hah, you have some nerve calling my place like that. I'm a businessman, you know, I just give people what they want. Not my fault that they make morally wrong decisions," he shrugged and even though there was some logic in what he said, it didn't give him the right to act like an almighty. Not to mention you couldn’t care less about the gambling, the drugs or whatever. But killing people was wrong on so many levels, so you gritted your teeth.

"Do you call murder a business decision as well?" you raised a brow and you knew you were too reckless for your own good, but at this point you didn't care about your well-being. You had been caught and you were alone, your gun on the desk in front of the gang leader. Though if he wanted to kill you, he could have done so easily. Why go through the trouble of capturing you and entertaining you with small talk like this? He must have wanted something from you.

"Oh, is it about your brother? Do you still think it was my fault?" the guy laughed again, condescendingly. Then shrugged. "I don't care about nobodies like him. Sure, he owed Xiumin but a lot of other people do."

You furrowed your brows. Why did he talk like he didn't know about the informer? Was Chanyeol's info wrong?

The guy stood up hence your blood rate increased, fear injected in your veins the closer he got. From this close you could see the dangling piece of earring he wore, the scar under his eyes and the smirk on his face. He took a hold of your chin, turning your face towards him as if pondering over something while you formed fists out of your hands, ready to do something stupid when the door opened bringing the sound of chaos from outside.

"Baekhyun, we are attacked," said the tall, tanned guy whom you had seen getting high the last time. At that, the gang leader in front of you turned his head towards him slowly, disinterested and eventually he let go of you. You felt relief rush through you as you thought the tracker idea indeed worked.

"By whom?" he asked, lazily scrolling through the room and got hold of your gun. Your brother's gun. It would be ironic to die by that. Ironic but maybe fair if Jihoon really died because of you.

"We're not sure. Just some guys. They have smoke bombs and destroy everything they see," the guy explained and suddenly your earlier relief was gone. So weren't the agents coming to get you? Then was it another gang? Hell, did you really get stuck between two?

"Then stop them for god's sake. What are the others doing?" Baekhyun rolled his eyes but the other stood at the door a bit anxiously.

"Chen is too drunk out of his mind and Xiumin is off to do some deals. D.O refused to stop the chicken fight."

"Those imbeciles. I can't believe I have to do everything on my own," the leader scoffed and was ready to leave but at the doorstep he looked back at you with a smirk in the corner of his mouth. "And Kai, make sure she doesn't get out. She might cause trouble for us."

Kai averted his gaze to you with an amused expression on his model-like face and then, closed the door behind himself, leaving you alone in the empty and dark room.

Only a few moments later you smelled something sticky and felt dizzier, absentmindedly realising the effect of the gas that put you in a daze. Like this within the black surroundings, time passed slowly, or at least that was how it felt since you couldn't tell it based on anything. You were also a bit worried about not being found after the random guys managed to bring down the whole building, so you knew you had to get out no matter what. Unfortunately, the ties around your wrists were too tight and you were too weak in that state of yours. Jihoon wouldn’t have been too proud.

You grew anxious at the approaching sounds of footsteps and fight as well, you could only tell that the chaos reached this deep in the multilevel building and you flinched when the door opened once again, light filling the room.

For a moment it blinded you, then narrowing your eyes you had seen two figures but you couldn't tell they were allies or enemies.

"We found her," yelled someone and oh... you knew that voice. The realization made you relax.

It was the one whispering to you on a cold night. It kept you awake, giving you chills. It haunted you when you wanted nothing but forget. It was like a beautiful dawn you could never not miss.

"Sehun?" you whispered, mouth dry and cough as this substance in the air was scratching your throat.

"We'll get you out of here," the boy told you and for a moment you felt safe in his arms. You let yourself enjoy his closeness and care but then you remembered that you wanted, that you needed to warn him, to tell him something but you blacked out again.

Somehow, in the back of your mind, it registered that someone cut through your ties, asked whether you could walk on your own and held your hand. You saw a flash of red, dark eyes and heard people fighting through each other. Your legs led you unconsciously as you ran through a corridor right after Chanyeol while Sehun stayed behind punching the guys trying to stop you. When you turned your eyes at a bright spot from outside, you saw Suho set fire to a pile of money and heard Chanyeol yelling to tell Yixing, he could stop hacking the CCTV even though it seemed like a fever dream.

Why would your friend do something so dangerous for you? Going against a gang by themselves! It was crazy. Especially after how you treated them after Jihoon’s death. But then you heard the sounds of guns and it made you afraid more than anything.

"Shit, the agents," Chanyeol cursed and you wanted to tell him to run, to leave you behind but your tongue was too heavy and you still felt so tired. It made you feel pathetic.

Finally, after what felt like an infinity, you reached the parking lot, and the boy told you to stay still until he jumped onto the hood of this one car there that had somebody inside. You only recognized who when your friend yanked Kai outside of it and knocked him out before helping you sit in the passenger's seat and drive away.

"The others..." You protested weakly but Chanyeol hushed you.

"Don't worry. They will join us soon," he tried to reassure you but it wasn't all too convincing when another swear word fell from his lips and steered the wheel sharply to the right. Apparently you didn't get far this way either and he had to hit the brakes anyways. You forced your eyes open, seeing a row of SWAT cars in front of you, weaponized agents pointing their guns at the car.

You attempted to scream after Chanyeol, to stop him but he got out of the car all too soon, yelling at the government soldiers as if he could have scared them away. It was hopeless, you knew, and tears started prickling your eyes when you saw those men force the guy against the hood of the car, handcuffing him behind his back.

One of the agents helped you get out of the car, gently walking you away as if Chanyeol was a criminal while you were an innocent girl, the irony tasted bitter in your mouth but you were smarter than to try and convince the agents on spot to let him go. You needed to speak with their commander, the one you were reporting for. But you couldn't put your friends' lives into his hands, you needed a plan B.

You acted as if your legs were wobbly, stumbling a bit and the agent kindly helped you find your balance again but this way you got close enough to Chanyeol, to drop your aurec into his hands, hoping that he would get the memo and keep it safe and hidden.

You were taken into a hospital on the border of Neo Seoul where the agents were stationed and after the doctors advised you some rest, you were discharged the next morning. Your first visit led you to Commander Lim, demanding an explanation.

"Thank you for all your help. Without you, we couldn't take them down so easily," he bobbed his head in appreciation towards you, offering you a cigarette too since he was about to light one for himself.

"But there were innocents there too," you tried to reason without sounding desperate. You needed to know whether they got everybody there or at least what happened to your friends.

"Innocents? Do you think anyone who goes to such places can be innocent? Don't worry our jurisdiction system will make a difference between those who gave themselves up and not resented, those who had weapons with them or if they had previously committed crimes," the man said taking a long inhale from the smoke then nodded towards a box on his desk. "Your reward. For your help. Although next time try not to do something risky like this without heads up. I almost couldn't form a unit in time."

You pressed your lips together, looking at the money in disdain even though you knew you needed it if you needed to get your friends out.

"You got everyone?" you questioned, holding your breath back which was followed by a hum from the agent.

"Byun Baekhyun got away but we captured all the other known criminals," he told you and you swore under your breath which didn't go unnoticed by the man. He squinted at you. "Do not fret about him. We will find him soon, too."

You nodded, as if that was your biggest concern and when he asked about your aurec, you told him you lost it while you were inside the casino, before all hell had broken loose. Then you were excused and you knew that you needed to take matters into your own hands.

However, Byun Baekhyun's vengeance came earlier than expected and he found you faster that you could have searched for him at all. The moment you got back to your rundown apartment with shitty security apparently, he was already there, sitting by your living room table as if he was over for a casual chit-chat. Except that the smirk in the corner of his mouth didn't seem kind nor his actions were too promising. A lighter twitched in his pale fingers, its flame's reflection flickered in his dark orbs. Click- click. Burn or not to burn.

"So it was you," he spoke out, voice amused and he even had it in him to let out a bitter laugh. "Wouldn't have thought so no matter your fierceness," he scoffed but despite his easy-going attitude you were careful. Sometimes people like him were the most unpredictable, hence the most dangerous ones. After all, somehow he ended up being the most sly person in his gang, even getting away when the agents captured everybody else.

"What do you want?" you kept a close eye on him, waiting for him to snap and attack you but Baekhyun was like a lazy predator, slowly driving you crazy in the tingling familiar feeling of fear. You told yourself you weren't afraid of death, not if you avenged your brother, but if you died now, there would be nobody to free Chanyeol, Sehun and the others.

"Isn't it obvious? I want back what was mine. But most of all, my money and my men. A few at least," he grimaced before something dangerous flashed in his eyes as he looked over you. "Why us? There are so many other gangs in Neo Seoul, what do you have against us? It's not like you're perfect morally, so I bet we were targeted on purpose."

The fact that he had to ask you made your blood boil. Sure, he must have had too much blood on his hands to keep track of the lost souls but it only angered you more. You wished he was rather tortured and haunted by those he murdered.

"Are you kidding me? You killed my brother!" you snapped at him but you only received an eyeroll to that. How dared he?

"I have already told you that it wasn't us. Where did you get that shit info?" the gang leader spat and seeing your disbelief written clearly on your face, he sighed. "Stupid. There are so many people out there wanting to see me out of the picture, of course they would tell you that. Next time do you research better, little girl."

For the first time, you considered that he was telling the truth. Why would he have denied something like that? He seriously didn't seem to get why he was targeted and if he knew about your brother, he would have probably guessed if it was really him. Right? It wasn't like he was afraid of you, he had no reason for it. Out of the two of you, it was him with a lighter in his hands in the middle of your apartment. But he was alone, just like you. Maybe he needed you just as much as you needed someone who was familiar in the underworld.

"If I help you get out your men, will you help me find out who killed Jihoon?" you proposed with a raise of brow. Though, you hated even the idea of working together with a gangster like him but you realized that this was your best chance. You might have had money and wits but you didn't have connections and enough resources to do anything.

"Is it that important for you that you would trust me on it?" The man tilted his head, watching you closely, probably thinking there was some kind of trick up in your sleeves. But it was about your brother and your friends, so you nodded firmly.

"I would even make a deal with the devil."

"Well, I'm close enough," Baekhyun smirked and hummed. "But only if you actually turn out to be useful and not just be in the way. What can you offer at all?"

It was obvious he doubted you just as much as you doubted him. At least you were on equal grounds based on your trustworthiness. But first, you wanted him to say it, even if his word meant nothing in the end.

"Do you promise to help me?"

"What? Do you need a blood oath or something," the man scoffed, rolling his eyes at you but seeing your determination, he gave up the childish fight first. "Yes, I promise. Now satisfied?"

You nodded and pulled up a city map hologram over your coffee table, pointing at the agent base on the eastern side of the city.

"They keep them locked down for now. There's no way we can get in and out without getting caught but I can find out when they will be moved out of the city. I also know a way to find them but we need someone who can hack aurecs," you explained and Baekhyun seemed seemingly impressed by the technology you had in your shabby apartment. He probably wouldn't have guessed that either.

"That's no problem, I have friends who can deal with that."

"And we get out my friends as well. Then they can tell you who it was who gave the false info to end your gang on purpose. How does that sound?" You looked the man in the eye, hoping he intended to keep his side of the promise as well.

"Satisfying, I have to admit," the gang leader hummed, putting out the flame in the lighter. and got up, pulling his hoodie over his head. "Get the info then and use this burner phone to text me when you have it," he threw his phone at you after resetting it, saving only one number in its contacts.

Then he was gone without traces left behind, like smoke.

Luckily you didn't have to try too hard to get the info. Commander Lim himself told you that soon those who were responsible for your brother's death would end up in the nation's most secure jail. The relief on your face was probably interpreted as happiness over this fact while your hands were itching to text Baekhyun who called you over to some PC room. It turned out, his hacker friend who hastily introduced himself as Taemin while typing furiously on the keyboard was frequent there. You were in awe how easily he hacked the small device to switch on and start signalling its location, giving you an exact position of your friends. You had seen the eight suspects they planned to move together and there were all your friends alongside the criminals called Xiumin, Chen, Kai and D.O.

You anxiously waited for the point on the map to move but it seemed to be as still as a rock until Baekhyun was convinced they had already gotten rid of the aurec and encouraged Taemin to try to hack into the government's system. However, the moment the curfew time arrived, the flashing red dot changed its location and kept moving forward.

"Finally," the man grunted, standing up and he threw something into your lap. Only looking down you recognized your brother's gun. "Let's go," he nodded at you and you didn't hesitate to follow him to the parking lot. You were both already dressed up as government agents, their black uniform consisting of bulletproof vests and helmet since you planned to hijack the moving van before it could have reached the border.

The streets were mostly empty and dark, only the neon lights lighting up the way and your heart was beating so loud and so fast, you didn't quite believe you were doing this: you willingly helped a criminal save his comrades just so you could also save your friends. But you knew that the law was never kind to people in Neo Seoul.

It took you thirty minutes of drive to get ahead of the van approaching the northern gate and seeing the red dot coming closer in rapid speed, Baekhyun gave out the command: "Taemin, now."

"And 3... 2... 1... You are on their frequency, " the guy told them and the gang leader lifting the walkie talkie to his mouth. "Here's NS3351-GK speaking. There's a change of plan. Information has been leaked. Your car model and licence plate number are on the public network. It's an emergency. Do you understand, comrade?"

For a moment there was silence and you weren't sure they bought it even though even the code number you gave to Baekhyun was right. Then the system let out a creaky sound.

"Here's NS5672-LE speaking. We understood, sir. What's the change of plan?" the agent asked and you sighed in relief. Good, things were going according to the plan.

"There's a black van waiting for you at the 34th exit. Licence plate number: 3-7-5 수 5-2-2-0. Transfer the captives and continue your path," Baekhyun gave out the orders and there was a smirk in the corner in his mouth when you indeed saw the car take the right turn on the map. Both of you put on the helmets and saluted to the agents who arrived. Seeing your friends with scars across their faces you didn't even want to think of them getting beaten up for claiming they weren't gang members and instead focused on your role. You stayed in your seat, hand on your gun, watching the agents while Baekhyun got out to help one of the agents to get the handcuffed men into your men. Obviously they weren't too happy about being dragged back and forth but they had no choice.

Once everybody was in your car, you saluted the agents and separately, you headed towards the closest exit out of the city. Taemin also hacked the gate guards’ system, letting them know of the arriving van and their passengers, sending them the modified written order through hologram, hence you weren't surprised by the green light you got as you approached the gates. More salutes and then before you could even believe it, you had already left Neo Seoul behind.

It was too good to be true. You dreamed of leaving the city even since all this shit started but you wouldn't have thought it would be this easy. Sure, it wouldn't have happened without becoming a criminal yourself but at least you were free. Relatively.

Once you were far enough for the quarantined town, Baekhyun pulled the van aside and both of you got out, rounding the van, opening the back door. Eight pairs of eyes looked at you and watched with their breath held back as the two of you pulled your helmets off. It was Chanyeol who spoke up first, calling your name, calling you crazy and it was so familiar, his scolding that made you let out a chuckle.

"I told you I didn't need your help," you shrugged your shoulder, trying to play it cool while you stumbled to find the right keys for each handcuff. You knew that probably your friends felt just as conflicted now as you were when they had come for your rescue in the casino.

“How could you expect us not to help?” Yixing scoffed and you gave him a pointed look.

“Then how do you expect me to not help you?” you asked and reciprocated Suho’s hug once his hands were free.

It was a mess really, you didn’t even pay attention to Baekhyun and his gang already getting away by the time you got to Sehun at the end of the row. You didn’t look at him, instead you focused on his hands, the scars the handcuff left on his wrists and you tried to be gentle as you put the key in the lock but before you could have opened the metal cage around his hands, he shifted them to put his palms over your hands. It confused you, so you looked up on instinct, ready to ask him what he was doing but the look in the boy’s eyes made you go speechless.

His always dark eyes now had even more depth. It felt like looking into a tunnel with no end, up to the night sky with million stars, into his soul with all its secrets and shouldn’t haves. You suddenly remembered his porch, his kiss burning on your lips, calling it a mistake. You remember how much it hurt and yet you couldn’t forget him nor stop this yearning. Maybe it was exactly what went on inside Sehun’s head as well since you both almost lost each other in the matter of days and now even though everything was still so uncertain, at least he was there in flesh, real and tangible.

So when he leaned forward, you called your eyes on instinct and hummed into his bruising kiss not caring about the ones the handcuff stuck between the two of you left. You reached a hand to Sehun’s wounded cheek and caressed it while pulling him closer, needing him like you needed air and your friends’ snickering faded into the background as your heart finally found its pair in this crazy monster like world.

#exo scenarios #exo imagines #exo x reader #exo x y/n #sehun x reader #stories

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