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nativadron · 1 year

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Winds of Summer

My name is Ralf. Short story, I’d like to be a lone wolf because the crowd makes me exhausted. When we visited Africa, there was a place where I can be myself whole fully. It’s a family retreat villa and we would visit there twice to three times a month. Strolling the land with my brother, Michael would be something I always loved while I spend my time there.

“Have you thought what high school would look like?” Michael always be the one who checks up on me, even though it feels boring but I found it as my source of calmness when I got nothing to run to inside my head.

“High school? Never really indulge me to get to know all about it.” It sounds silly, but, I found my self-esteem low and lower unlike ever.

“It’s okay. But it won’t treat you badly, I promise. You’ll meet someone and grow. Besides, you’ll go to the same boarding school as me.”

Boarding school? “Pardon? Boarding school?” High school isn’t hearing cringe to me, but, boarding school? What is that even look like?

“Yes. Poland is not so different from Germany. You’ll love it.” Michael encourages me with a nudge to my waist.

The next time we are leaving Africa, it feels less exciting just like when I felt excited to embrace home again. On the train, I keep staring out the window, watching the trees and the houses fold like paper towns. I clutch tight to my little toy soldiers, which always remind me of childhood and give me strength in my vulnerable times.

I’ve never seen so much of Poland. Our Mother brings us here to visit our relatives, The Glock family.

“Greetings! Come, come! We have served a warm blueberry pie!”

“Ah, what a lovely home! Thank you for all of these!”

“This is not all, though! We have more to come! Make yourself at home!”

“Timo!”

“Ralf! It’s been a long time, is it?” the last time we met was when we were still kids, barely able to talk through anything and now we’re here, growing as an early teenagers. Michael is about to go to college, too.

“You’ll go to Barrenhaus too?” I feel insecure when I have to talk near the crowds, even though the crowds are my family. Timo understands that.

“Ralf, you’ll be fine. I’m glad you asking because we will be in the same place. Can you imagine that?” Timo is floating flat on the lake while I’m sitting on the edge of it.

“But you are down under. I’ll be with others that probably not so fun as you.”

Timo slaps the water and swims back to the edge, “It’s not so hard when you are growing old. You just need to shrug off and look at the bright side.”

That’s the last time I talk to Timo and I never know where he is because he never attends Barrenhaus. Michael knew how disappointed I am and convince me that maybe Timo got a reason for not being here with me.

I could say that Barrenhaus was not so bad, yes, just like Michael told me before. I spent my years there without even falling into every stomping stone I should step into. I had eureka moments and I never really regretted being sent here. I just turned 21 when I come back to Germany and everything is different; kids around town were sporting brown uniforms like they are in Boy Scouts. Some of them are teenagers, younger and fresh. I’m heading out to grab some bread and milk and also catch up with some job vacancies that are probably displayed on the Town Wall Information site.

I decide to postpone college as I want to fund myself and that’s a promise; I want to do it right for myself and let my parents worry less about me. Michael is working at the factory now as The Head of Engineers since he put a high interest in engineering and machinery. I’m cycling to the usual bakery and he knew that my Mother is a regular customer there.

“Hello. The usual, please, and three bottles of fresh milk.”

“Ralf! How’s your day? Busy?” Mister Lauda. He is always a warm welcome to everyone’s busy and rough day. Today is quite busy, but I’m not even having a scratch. Consider myself lucky.

“What’s to do with the kids around town now? I’ve never seen the colour they are sporting these days, sir.”

“I called it Brown Legionaries, but it’s quite fancy, eh?” He packs up my bread in a paper wrapping and picks three bottles of fresh milk from the shelves.

“Sorry? Brown Legionaries? What is that?”

Mister Lauda is holding up something, I believe. “How much for everything, sir?”

“Still the same price, young man. And today, you’ll bring some butter for your Mama. Here,” he hands the bags to me. How delicate he is to give some of his special product at a time when everything almost running out for everyone.

“Some butter? Mister Lauda, I’m sure you need it more than we do.” I’m fishing up inside the bags to return the butter, but he ensures me that it’s an appreciation gift for being a kind customer through times. He is grateful to serve some of his finest homemade products.

“Just make sure you will have great festivities even though it’s not a time of celebration, young Ralf.”

“Thank you, sir. Have a good day!” We always have time to hug and he felt like a grandfather figure I missed throughout the years since he passed away a long time ago.

I head out to grab my bike and some of the people in black and brown uniforms storm the store. I watch the scene in front of my eyes as two personnel dragging Mister Lauda out of his store. I can’t just watch, so I drop the goods and run to him.

“Stop! Stop all of this! What are you going to do to him?” I try to reach out to Mister Lauda, but they keep pushing away my arms from him and clearly, I am not welcomed by them.

When they are finally pushing me hard and away, one of the personnel is eyeing me with such disgrace as if I’m doing something wrong to save a man from the harm they do. “Young man, you have no idea how dangerous he is.”

I’m not listening to him well as I’m seeing myself bleeding. The punch tear my lower lip and got my jaw hurt enough. My eyes were full of tears as I see them drive away and take Mister Lauda away.

“You better stay away from the mice now, young man. They are not better than your blood.” He gives me his hand, to help me stand up, but I’m not even taking it. I’m confused and I’m not taking it in.

He turns back to his sedan and leaves with the driver he came with. I’m getting more ashamed when I realized that every person in the corner witnessed what had happened to me in the last minutes. I’m covering my bloodied mouth and running to my bike when suddenly Michael crosses the street and sees me in a mess. He drops off his bike and I feel like I’m stranded somehow and I can’t breathe.

“Ralf, what happened? Why are you bleeding?”

I’m turning away my face, avoiding him from getting an insight into me. I’m breathing rapidly as I’m fetching back the shopping bags. I’m not even answering him, I just don’t want to.

“Ralf, look at me!” That was the first time I heard Michael scream in front of me. That takes me a second as I’m flying back to the last minute when those people screamed harshly at Mister Lauda and yelled some words that never allowed ever to my way of thinking. So I dodge Michael away, take my bike, and ride as fast as I can.

Never know that I have to witness one more person that I knew to be taken away. Timo was never heard from again and now Mister Lauda has to be gone too. The roads seem so hard to conquer and I feel a strange shiver and cold on my cheeks from my tears as I ride against the wind.

“Ralf!” Michael is riding to catch up with me, but I don’t even want to talk through what had happened, I don’t care to share. I’m speeding up even though my legs start to complain. I just want to be away from Michael, from everyone if I can.

“Ralf, please! We can talk about this!”

Just when I’m about to take a sharp turn, I’m shocked to meet a truck speeding up in front of me and I hit the brake hard and fall from my bike against the hard cold pavement. Never thought that rain could be so beautiful, even on your worst day. I didn’t notice that I have stopped crying and the last thing I remember is that Michael is there beside me.

The hospital is uncomfortable for me. My ears ringing, I guess it’s a lonely attack coming; nonsense, but it’s happening when you are too silent and the ambience of the room that only greets your ears. That’s that. And then, Michael comes in. I felt terrible for being rude and I was unstable, but there is no room to run now. I can barely feel my feet too.

“Michael, I’m sorry. I just don’t mean to be like this—”

“One thing that I’m relieved to see is that you are awake now. That’s all I ask because I’m not ready,” he hugs me and my inner child hurts as if I never got a love from a family, from my brother. Things are pretty hard for me to understand sometimes, but Michael, again, always be there for me.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I should’ve not run away, you were just asking how I was. I’m sorry.”

“You are having a rough day, I didn’t see it too. I am sorry, Ralf, I should be the one who says it.”

It is sour to my taste when the doctor refuses to release me immediately and I’m afraid Mother to find out everything. Michael tried everything, but then decide to stay with me and he will do the explanation later when we get home.

“Look at you. Feeling miserable already?”

Indeed, I am, dressing in a white hospital gown like a scarecrow because the gown is two sizes bigger than mine. “Don’t laugh at my idiocy look, I refuse to be remembered even in your memory.”

“Actually, you are good at wearing it,” Michael is Michael. Feeling bored and starting to make your day more miserable even.

“Especially got paler never been so adorable for a patient but you are different.”

“Stop it!”

“Are you sure this is not a winning aspect for you?”

“No! Stop it now!”

Laughing like a free child is something we never got to do recently, only this time we got a warning from a nurse. We both covered our mouths with our hands in a funny gesture to mock her. Just when she is about to report us, we both hide under the blankets and almost tear the bed in two as we cramped up together in a small bed and still laughing cheekily.

That morning when I woke up, Michael was still tucked safe and sound beside me. I was surprised this bed even still hold us together. A nurse comes and sees what seems to be unusual to her eyes. Before she can protest, I hold out my hand, “My brother is sleeping. Give him some space. Thank you.”

My legs aren’t so bad anymore, I can walk better than yesterday. The hospital ward is silent, so I decide to get out and have some fresh air. I am walking around until I meet a person I’m familiar with; Corinna, Michael’s fiancée.

“Ralf?”

I turn my back on her, not because I don’t want to talk to her, but because I feel bad to meet her while I’m not fit at all. I clutch my hospital gown hard, feeling nervous and confused at the same time. I never thought that a young lady, especially a young lady, could be so mesmerizing in a man’s eyes. Maybe that’s what Michael felt about her.

“Ralf, what happened to you?” I noticed she saw my bruised lip and jaw and that’s not good indeed. I’m not even ready to elaborate, it’s just not my time.

“You work in here?” I blurt out, literally unarranged to start a conversation.

“Yes, I’m a nurse. I work in the west building of this hospital. Do you have someone with you?”

“Maybe that’s a reason why Michael brought me here,” I murmured to myself while looking at my toes. “This must be the only answer why.”

“Ralf? You haven’t answered me. What happened?”

I scratch my head, trying to figure out a line, but my head refuses. “Ah, it’s not something you should worry about. I fell accidentally from the stairs and these happened.”

“Okay… is someone with you?” Of course, she can worry about anything right now as I am struggling a little to stand upright now and Michael is still sleeping.

“Michael is with me, he was the one who brought me here yesterday.”

“We better get back to your ward, can you show me the way?”

She assists me by holding my hand along the way back to my ward. I feel like I’m not deserving of all this, it’s like I’m stealing something that does not belong to me. Michael probably agreed with my view about this. When we arrived, Corinna decides to re-dressing the bandage on my right temple and I felt more dumb than ever because I got hurt more than I expected from the man who hit me yesterday.

And Michael awakes, “Good morning, Ralf.”

“Morning, Michael. Sleep better there?”

I can see how blushing red he is upon meeting his fiancée just after he wakes up, “Corinna? Your shift is up early?”

“Yes, they need a handful of nurses to take care of the patients on the west side of the building. Are you in need of anything?”

“No, you can help Ralf. I’m okay.”

I witness something I’ve never witnessed before; a true love between two people. I learn that this could give some colours to carry on life. At this time around, you don’t know which one could sweep you off from your rightful place because lately evil has taken in and the world is not the same joyful place I used to know when I was a kid. What happened between Michael and Corinna must have happened to our parents when they were younger like us.

“There, Ralf, you are good now. Do you want something for breakfast? I can bring some and maybe we can have some talks here. I’m on my break time, don’t worry.”

“Some bread and coffee will do us better, thank you.”

“Okay, watch him closely. He is still unfit to walk around alone. I’ll be back in a minute.”

I bit my lip as I turn to face Michael. He is still red as a tomato, “Never expected that this could be a date. But I’m watching you with her? What would that be?”

“Ralf, seriously? She comes just try to be a big help, I’m not using her kindness to make her in trouble!”

“You are not a good talker when you are blossoming!”

“Stop it, Ralf!”

“I’m coming back for what you did yesterday! Now I’m not so miserable looking like a scarecrow!”

“Ralf, don’t you dare!”

Shortly, I am finally discharged from the hospital. Michael decides to ride the bicycle for us. All along the way back, he comes to ask me about yesterday’s event.

“I’m so sorry that you have to witness Mister Lauda to be taken away, but, what did you do so you got yourself hurt?”

Michael could feel my clutches on his jacket a little tighter now as I’m surfing for words inside my head. I’m not even ready to tell him about yesterday, but neither of us could wait because our parents are probably worried enough already since they weren’t having us back since.

“I wanted to stop them from taking Mister Lauda away. I couldn’t let them do it.”

Michael sighs while keep pushing the pedals steady, “Ralf, you know I was worried about you, I thought you were the one they took away. I couldn’t forgive myself if they did.”

“But what makes Mister Lauda has to be taken and ripped out from his rightful place? He paid for his living, he built it from the ground up. They shouldn’t do it to him.”

“We have to look for ourselves. Do you hear me? What happened to Mister Lauda, I couldn’t even digest it, I’m not accepting it just like you do. But right now, we have to look for ourselves better than anyone. No one can touch us.”

I get a warm hug as soon as we arrived at our home. Mother was worried as she had never been. “Where two of you have been? I’m worried much, you must know that!”

“We are here now, Mother. That’s a relief!” Just like Michael had promised, he’d do the talking.

“Michael, you knew the streets aren’t safe now, son! What had happened to your brother, even?”

Michael smiles faintly because he knows that their mother only needs reassurance that everything is under control, “Mother, we’re fine. Ralf is fine. I did what I did to protect us whenever we are. No one can touch us, remember?”

Michael hugs her and he also invites me to join in. Father just come in when we are still hugging each other and he can’t be more grateful enough when everyone is gathering and safe at home.

“I’m thankful you are always dependable. I know you will always be.”

“It’s my duty, Father. That will always be.”

At least, home is where I can lay my body better than in the hospital. The warmth of the blanket is also better compared to the thin one back there. I throw my eyes to an old photograph I had with Timo when I was 10 and he was 3 years old. I had him on my lap and we both candidly pictured together Michael standing on the back of the chair where we sat on it.

“Sky is not so different wherever you are, but I miss you, Timo.”

Timo is always like a little brother to me, just as I looked up to Michael as he is a big brother to me.

One day, I got myself a job as an assistant librarian. I got paid daily and the money did enough to save some of our family’s grocery and daily needs and I save some for my college tuition, just as I promised to myself. I got home from a busy day and crossed my Father’s office downstairs when I heard him talking with Michael about moving away to some places where no one can find us or harm us.

When I heard ‘us’, I’m not certain whether it is ‘us’ as a whole family or—

“You have to bring Ralf with you. No one can know your surname. Right now, you are just plain young men and never mention your hometown no matter who the person asked you. Do you understand?”

“But, Father, how long does this have to be? Ralf is big enough to know now, you can’t always hide from him, do you? I’m sure he can understand how important the secret is to be carried by each of ourselves!”

“You, my sons, are the last person they are looking for to establish the country permanently and I never had my word for that man to lead our country into an ashtray! Never!”

“I’ve been carrying this with me forever and now, I’m giving this to you. This is your haven, your last hope to seek safety when you got nowhere to go. Go wherever, but don’t come back to Germany because they won’t let you live.”

And the bell of our front door rings. I’m retreating myself against the wall and walking away to get the door.

“Yes? Who is it?”

I heard Michael and Father rushing from the inside of the office and when the front door is open, I see the same men, dressed in black and brown uniforms just like the men who took Mister Lauda away. Not to mention, the person who hurt me was also present in front of our door.

“The Schumachers? Am I right? You must be young Ralf.”

I turn my head to look at my Father, but before he can reach me and drag me away, the man already got me first.

“You are not taking away my sons with you! I would never let you!”

“What is it so hard to have your word so we can be a country? We are Germans, you can only give a word and we all be at peace, Rolf.”

“Heinrich, you won’t get a word and use my sons to get it! Now, let go of Ralf! Don’t you dare hurt him!”

“Father, what is happening here?”

“Let go of my brother, you dirty bunch of Nazis!”

“The last descendants of The House of Habsburg are always interesting and this is not a protest, this is a polite invitation to meet The Fuhrer. Now, will you come with us?”

“Let me go!”

“Not before a word from your dear Father, young man. What say you?”

“No! You are not taking my son! Let go of him, NOW!”

The grips are strong enough to make me uncomfortable and I know I can’t let him touch me again just like that day he threw me on the side of the street while I was trying to help Mister Lauda. So I fight him, give him a hard hit on the gut and run to Michael as I also grab my Father’s hand.

“Mama! Mama! We have to go!”

Michael pockets the thing that Father had given him but I don’t know what it is exactly as he treats it like something precious. When we are reaching the kitchen, they got Mother and there, our last hope to run away is broken into pieces.

“I knew Heinz is dependable to carry on my duties on the field. Want to witness more?”

They hit Mother.

Not once, but three times.

My memory about Mister Lauda knocks me again and I can’t let them do harm any further.

“You don’t hit her, you animals! Let her go!”

“Ralf, control yourself!”

“Michael, look after your brother!”

Heinrich goes to the middle of us, witnessing what is undone and he is less satisfied. He drops another and there I can’t let him. No more.

I grab Mother, but he got me first, again, slaps me hard and throw me far to the lines of the kitchen cabinet afar.

“You are in a tight situation, Rolf. Look what this has made me do to your disobeyed son.”

“Please. No one has to get hurt. Please…”

“Then give me your word! GIVE me!”

Never once before I saw a man cry and the man is my Father. Have I experienced heartbreak myself, I wish I never saw someone, especially my Father, crying in front of my eyes because of something unable to be endured.

“You will and have to let my sons go, swear never to hurt and touch them, then I’ll give you my word. YOU HAVE TO!”

“Rolf, you won’t… You can’t let them…”

“Elisabeth, you are not in control and let me do what I have to do. I—I can’t lose you. I can’t lose our sons.”

“You don’t trade with me! Give me YOUR WORD!”

“YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, Heinrich!”

“Father, please…”

“No, Michael! This has to be done but you won’t be the one to carry the burden!” Father steps up to face Heinrich. I felt beaten and utterly irritated to my blood as I prepared just in case he hurts Father.

“You let my sons go and I’ll give you my word. Let them run away or I never surrender anything at all.”

“Deal.”

“No, Father! If we have to go, you are going with us too!”

“Michael. Just run and bring Ralf with you. You won’t and never return, you hear me, son?”

“No, Father, please…”

“Just listen to your brother, Ralf.”

“Everyone steps away. Let The Princes go. No hunting, no chase. You are free to go.”

“I won’t go, not with Father!”

“Ralf, listen to your Father! You are going away, son!”

“Let The Princes go. Nobody moves.”

“Michael, you can’t let them take them away! Please!”

“Ralf, we have to go. Now.”

“You have to save them! We can’t leave them behind!”

Michael just keeps helping me wear the winter jacket and he doesn’t say a word anymore. His eyes are red with tears but he can’t crack any time now. He just ignores me and does not even look me in the eye.

“I don’t want to go!”

“I’d better be dead, but don’t hurt them! Michael, let me go!”

“Go. Don’t go back. Take care, my sons.”

No matter how hard I beg Michael to do something, he keeps dragging me away from the house. We are reaching the ranch when I am finally able to break free and make my way to run back to the house but only to fall and hit the ground while shocked upon hearing gunshots from the inside of the house.

“No. No!”

“Ralf! We have to go, NOW!”

“Chase and hunt The Princes! Take them alive or dead!”

“We can’t stop now, Ralf! We have to keep running!”

It takes six months for us to find safer grounds to mend our broken souls together. We tried several places but never once Michael uses the thing that Father gave him to ask for a haven for us wherever we go. Now we are building our lives on British soil, on the outskirts of London.

Two months earlier, we threw away our identity. Forget our surnames and change into a new one; Shoemaker, instead of Schumacher which sounds more German and we don’t want that as everyone may as well put us under scrutiny once they found out we are Germans. We rent a cottage from a decent old man with a family name Mansell. World War II has been rough and a sensation in every news flash in the paper and not a day Michael reminds me how important for us to keep our identity discreet.

“Michael?”

“Is there anything I can help, Ralf?”

He is making his way back to the kitchen after a full day of nurturing the crops in the back of the cottage while I am busy nursing the chickens and the cows. I am sitting now in one of the dining chairs, waiting for him until he claims one.

“Mind letting me learn about the event from six months ago? I knew I was missing something and it’s got to do with my readiness upon receiving the fact. What is it to do with our family?”

I can see the expression on Michael’s face that he realized, sooner or later, I will ask him about this. He is tensing, maybe he isn’t completely forgetting the roughness we had before, but he knows better how hard I also dealt with it. He takes a deep breath, his hands entwined on top of the dining table.

“Did you hear that Heinrich Frentzen called us ‘The Princes’? That’s because we are,”

“What do you mean, we are ‘The Princes’? What about Habsburg they mentioned?”

“We are The Last Princes of The House of The Habsburg. Our family is still in line with The House of Habsburg and The Nazis won’t let us live because we are the ones who prevent them to build a fascist country.”

“We are of royalty?”

“Simple as that. And this is—” Michael shows me the secret seal that Father had given him back on that day. The seal of The House of Habsburg.

“This is the secret seal. This is the thing that will save us when we are in danger. Just as I hope we came into the right place.”

I touch the seal delicately with my fingers, processing every word Michael exchanged with me. Never thought we are something bigger than I thought. With these facts Michael shared, it feels harder to carry me everywhere as I am already cautious wherever I go even though we are far away from home.

“Did Mama die that day?”

Michael knows that I know the answer. We heard the gunshots as if we refused that they weren’t dead, but they are dead. They are dead and won’t come back to meet us here where we can finally live as normal people. Even though we are safe so far, not a day I felt safe under our roof of cottage even. And I start to have nightmares, more than I can count. I felt slowly decreasing without a job or things to do but only nursing the chickens and the cows, sometimes I’m afraid I hurt myself in the shadow of the depression I never want to admit to Michael or anyone else if they asked me.

“I’m so sorry, Ralf…”

“I am so sorry…”

Crying heals as much as a warm hug from your loved ones. Though I am depressed, I am never more grateful to survive every day with Michael beside me.

A year has passed and we started to settle in better. Things slowly change and grow for us. We have almost everything back, but then Michael got to go out from the niche I thought we would strongly keep together. He decides to enlist and serves with The Royal Air Force. He said that he needed to do something instead of hiding and reminiscing about our past in Germany.

Michael made out and served with The Royal Air Force just like he wanted. I remembered upon his first six months of desk duties, he got so tired of doing air jets maintenance for a full day at the air base. During his time with The Royal Air Force, I am working in a small bookshop in the town and it is the same thing I did back when I was still in Germany. All I need just to patch one or two things together and I will be just fine.

An air raid is the thing that keeps everyone unable to sleep at night. One day Michael is not at home and I face the night alone, hiding in the bunker we made days before in the back near our crops yard. The only thing that keeps me on the ground is the picture of Mother and Father that I hold dearly throughout the meanest night when the bombs hit the town. I even cry all alone as I silently pray that I want Michael safe out there and I’ll be seeing him again whatever happens.

My prayer is answered when I heard a sound calling me and a set of hands enveloped me with a warm hug in the morning inside the bunker. Michael comes home. He is covered with dirt and scratches, but he is coming back. I can’t imagine if I have to lose someone dearly again.

One fine day, I decided to also serve with the armed forces, only I chose The Royal Army. I realize I can’t sit still too, just like Michael ever said. I was so sure for a night I didn’t sleep when I decided to tell him that I would go, but when I stand to write my name on the list, I feel my hand shiver. I look to my shoulder to find Michael who stands far away behind me, giving me one last encouragement that I can do it.

Without further ado, I sign my name.

I am expecting to be sent out to the front lines, but they never sent me away. They keep me on headquarters and assign me as a radioman for the army intelligence. I experience boredom in my first six months, but then they let me handle the incoming and outgoing sources later on. For nearly a year, they promote me to be a Lance Corporal and I keep ascending through the ranks.

Michael is a Flight Lieutenant now. I am happy upon hearing about his promotion through the letter we exchanged, but I am getting worried more as he flies more too. When I got my day off and plan to visit him at the air base, I’m not always lucky to meet him there as he is often in the middle of a mission and I will only drive back home.

Through up and downs, he shared with me as a pilot, I am glad he can still come home. And he also told me that Corinna is in town and he will bring me along with him to meet her. After so many years separated, they meet again in the same soil where they can be enveloped by safety and security. Above all, their love for one another reunited.

Michael marries her in autumn and I am no more than a happy brother to serve as his best man on his wedding day. It is a simple marriage ceremony that is set in the back of our cottage. Michael is sporting his Royal Air Force uniform and Corinna is wearing a traditional wedding dress she got from her mother that was also descended from her mother’s mother.

Two years of me serving in The Royal Army as a senior radioman for the intelligence division has brought me back to my plan; to pursue a higher education—going for a university degree. I ask my commander to pursue the degree while I’m serving and I’m glad he lets me do it. I take Literature just to strengthen my way of learning more about linguistics and my way of pursuing the intelligence field. I stumbled in the middle year of my university journey, but I make my way through. I never thought that I can also bounce back faster to get on track and even speed up things that I was supposed to reach in four years of study.

Michael is there when I graduated from university. Bachelor of Arts for only three and half years of pursuing. And for the first time in years, we have a photograph as a family; a whole new family of me, Michael, and his wife, Corinna that now expecting their first child. I’m crying on my way back to base as I’m wishing for Mother and Father to be here when I’m celebrating.

The happiness is not stopping yet as I get my promotion to Sergeant seven months after. Michael invites me to his new home with Corinna to celebrate my promotion. Since then, I feel better than ever as I’m slowly crawling out from my hurtful memories and scars. I’m thankful that I can still sense kindness and love after I struggle to come back as a whole person.

“Congratulations! You are in the big league now, aren’t you?”

“Not that I can feel a senior now, I refuse. My days being a subordinate are much easier, to be honest.” I sip my tea carefully and then take a bite of a blueberry pie that Corinna baked for us.

“Tell me, Ralf, are you expecting some duties outside the headquarters?”

“No, Ma’am, I don’t. When I say I don’t, it’s because I haven’t had any sign of whether they will send me out, but I hope I can stay.”

“Besides, I hope the war isn’t going to last. Heard some news that the Red Army is starting to enter Berlin, but probably they are stumbling too as we all are.”

“Where do you get that? I’m a receiver but I got nothing for me.”

“Pilots! That’s why I love flying and seeing is believing, you know? I got to see them from the sky, that’s why we are not so different from the infantry. We do advancing, don’t get us wrong there!”

That night I’m driving back to my cottage and feeling suddenly overwhelmed thinking about the discussion I had with Michael back in his home. I am going to fly, as always, just like any other day when I started my career as a pilot. I want you to take care of our secret seal with you and—Corinna. Please do me a favour on that. Take care of her if I don’t find my way home.

I was never able to comprehend goodbye, it was always like a wound that never healed for me. Even after years, I’m reconciling with myself and still unable to admit that I am healed.

I get out of my car when I noticed that someone is standing in the far corner of the street and kind of watching me. I’m pulling my jacket’s collar higher to my chin, just in case he is trying to make certain of my face. I’m walking at a normal pace and my suspicions change into relief when I found out that that person is waiting for his wife—I heard the woman calling for him— from a store across the street and then they are walking hand in hand.

I toss everything away and make my way directly to the bathroom to have a warm bath after a long tiring day. I turn the tap on, fetch a soap bar from the bathroom wall counter, and strip off my clothes. The feel of warm water as I sink myself in the tub always makes my nerves better and relax. I’m thinking about Michael’s favour on me again and I think I couldn’t do it. I just can’t believe I can because all I want that him gets positivity to come back and not make her disappointed. Above all, he is about to be a father to his child. He should consider that he has a family to come back to and take care of. I can’t simply say yes when he told me this kind of goodbye letter. I won’t let that happen.

I woke up at 4:00, drenched in my sweat after having a nightmare of the day when I had to run away and heard them shoot our parents back in Germany. I had a series of nightmares before, but this one is far more terrifying because I saw myself and Michael never getting out of our yard to make our run from them. We both shot from afar and not even died in an instant. I watched Michael get shot in my last breath before they finished me too. I’m rubbing my sleepiness away as I am too scared to fall asleep again and heading out to the kitchen to brew a fresh coffee. I put the kettle on and sit on the kitchen window seat, watching the rain sliding on the glass window. I think I’ve never had the urge to try something new when it comes to distracting my mind after having a nightmare, but now, I do. I remembered I stored two packs of cigarettes inside the kitchen cabinet that I got from my military personal items issued along with the lighter. I’m opening a pack and having a hold, thinking of whether I want this or just drop it. I’m closing my eyes and still hearing a glimpse of screaming from the nightmare I had and I got no choice. One cigarette only, nothing more.

But I’m not stopping, I finish my first pack of cigarettes before I even regretted it. The coffee is cold now and less favourable. I’m ditching my last cigarette and heading to shower. I can’t stand the smell of tobacco staining my body.

Arrived at The Royal Army Headquarters, I get a warm welcome from some boys and meet with Paul just in time in front of our office. He got so many to work on already and asked me to lend a hand.

“So, I heard that your brother married recently?”

“Yes, and I’m sorry I didn’t bring you along with me. Michael, eh, he expected a small celebration and close company only. So…” I knew he would do everything to make his family away from anyone’s attention and I respected his principal highly.

“Don’t bother, Sergeant! I still wish him the goodness of marriage and I hope they grow happy until they are both old.”

“Thank you, I’ll patch the word to him. Don’t worry.”

“Sergeant Shoemaker?”

“Yes, sir?”

“You are expected at the Major’s office. Come.”

I don’t think about any possibility of this calling as clearly I got nothing in my mind since I reached my office. “Major?”

“Sergeant Shoemaker. Through here!”

He is busy with some files and reports from the intelligence that come and gone since early morning. I got to handle some of them too, but he had chaos here.

“Sir.”

“Ah, it’s great to have you around, son! How’s the work?”

“Pretty and average as usual, sir. Nothing too hard for a day.”

“I get that as a better insight! Now, I’m getting news straight from the field that they are short of field radiomen. I found that we were on the same page here and tried to be as effective as we could, but I’m still considering sending some of my finest officers to get the job done. I’m asking of you, do you mind at all, Sergeant?”

I’m expecting my anxiety attack to strike at any moment, but it doesn’t come. I’m thinking of staying, but my mouth runs before my head, “I am ready to go, sir.”

“Excellent, son! I take it that this is not your runaway from the boredom of the office work?”

“No, absolutely not, sir. I’m open to any opportunity I get at hand. I could use one of these for once in my lifetime.”

“Solid. This is the briefing, you can read it on your way there. And, make sure you bring Corporal Di Resta with you. I’m sure you will provide better support on the field as a team.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Be careful. Thousand God bless, son.”

The news is exciting to me, but there is something I’m not sure about it. I think the idea of getting yourself deployed to the frontline is not as bad as others think, especially for each person that never goes out in their years of service.

“Paul!”

“Yes, sir?”

“We have to pack for tomorrow. We are leaving.”

He was smiling a minute ago, but then it fades and he certainly did not put the information together. “Leaving?”

“They send us away. It’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

He gets up from his chair and hugs me in place. It’s a little bit uncomfortable for me as I am not able to get attached to someone, “What’s this?”

“Bless us!” He smiles lighter than a watt.

Being a sergeant with no experience in the frontline is harder to imagine, even to do. Even though I’m not running and attacking with my rifle, the battle room is as chaotic as the battlefield. In the middle of working, it is like a daily aspect to feel the wall and the things around you shaking and rattling because of the war raging in the distance. For the first time in forever, I come back to Germany to see everything shattered into pieces. I also see the air jets for the first time taking on the sky.

“Sergeant Shoemaker? You are needed in the war room now!”

I can run for almost a full day between offices and the war room to provide the newest intelligence, the progress of the field attack, the troop movements, and anything like. Sometimes I’m undertaking a job as a code transmitter. I barely have time to just talk and share anything with Paul.

The night is the only time I can be at ease fully. It’s near to three weeks of deployment and I’m growing to be an acute smoker. There’s a time when I can’t get out of smoking in a day and I will end up coughing all night when the air is brutally cold and hurting my lungs.

I get to do something new since I am away from home; writing a journal when I get time to do it. I’m thinking to have some to share later, not that I want my journey to be a war story to someone else as I never know how good it can be for personal consummation. Even in the public’s eyes.

My service overseas is not longer than I thought. The Allies had secured Berlin and I never felt good than ever when my dreams come true. I am on my way back to London before indulging myself to have a view or reminiscing about my hometown. I can’t bear it and deep down I have made my decision; Germany is not a place that I will come back to, even for a living.

In the train station in London, soldiers are in lines and coming back to their loved ones. The sight I never imagine came alive in front of me. Some of them hugging, some of them crying upon reuniting with family and relatives.

“Sergeant?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t you have someone wait for you?”

“I have no one but you. Welcome home to us.”

Paul hugs me and I get the same feeling just like when I hug every person that happened to be my family, friend, or even relative; pure love.

“Paul!”

“Laura!”

We stop hugging as I look at him with quizzes, “Your sweetheart?”

“Sir.”

“Laura! Oh, finally!”

I let them have their moment together and he introduces me to her after.

“Laura, this is Sergeant Ralph Shoemaker. We work together.”

“Nice to meet you, Ma’am. Been getting along with Paul since my first year of service with The Army.”

“You too, sir. Thank you for always looking for him out there.”

“Pleasure and it’s part of my job. Don’t worry.”

We are parting ways after having a time together in the café near the train station. Michael is picking me up just as he promised in one of the letters we exchanged during my last weeks of deployment.

“It is so good to have you back, Ralf.”

“I’m missing you too! Can’t imagine if I have to stay away longer!”

We are driving and witnessing people celebrating the victory of The Allied Forces in Europe. Some of them parade in their best and fancy clothes and some of them dance on the street.

“Never thought this day happen, eh?”

“Beyond imagination, I may say.”

Michael drives me back to his home. He prepared a small homecoming celebration for me. He even showered me with my favourite ice cream; the spaghetti ice cream with strawberry jam topping.

“Welcome home, Ralf! Everything’s good?”

“Everything is good. Thank you, Corinna!”

And I get a surprise welcome too, “Who is this beautiful young lady?”

“Say hello to Uncle Ralf,” Michael walks hand in hand with her. I don’t know that they already had their first child delivered. I must be too busy working. “Uncle Ralf, this is Gina-Maria.”

She holds her little hand to me and I shake her hand gently. She lights up an innocent smile that warms up my heart, “Hello, Gina… It’s nice to see you.”

She is hiding her face just after I kiss her hand. Michael laughs at the sight, knowing I could be a heart-stopper for any other girl. I refuse that, of course, because I’m not even good at reading women.

I’m happy to have my time spent with Gina. She even invited me to her little kingdom of plushies and called me a Prince for her plushie lady. When she is sleepy, I am also there to read her a bedtime story. Just after she is asleep, I’m sneaking out of her room and sit outside with Michael.

“How’s Berlin when you were out there?”

I take a drag of my cigarette and puff out the smoke out of my mouth. “Torn apart. It used to be the most beautiful town, though.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you soon about Gina.”

“And I’m sorry for being busy working so I couldn’t be there to celebrate with you.”

“Impasse. We both knew better.”

“You still fly your jet?”

Michael sips his tea and shakes his head in disapproval, “No. I’m going to retire this week. I think they are better now without me.”

“What do you mean?”

“They can have a new Air Commander. I’m already washed up, I’m better staying home.”

“You are an Air Commander now?”

“ I am. I’m not planning to show off, so I didn’t tell you.”

“How fast! Milestones, even! Congratulations, Michael.”

“No, you are not congratulating me when I’m about to retire!”

Of course, that’s a perfect subject to laugh at. Seriously. “No, I’m congratulating you for reaching Air Commander!”

“I know, I know. Thank you, by the way.”

Time goes on as we keep sharing and talking. Mostly about our days in front. Technically, Michael had more than me and he has a more interesting story to share, to be honest. Especially, the dogfight.

“So, what about you?”

“I have told you everything, haven’t I?”

Michael smiles faintly as I’m clueless, “I mean, what’s your plan after all of this?”

“After the after?”

“After the after.”

“I’m staying in The Army. I don’t know how long will I be, but that’s currently what I can think of.”

“Good. But don’t forget about yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Find your true purpose in life, Ralf. I will always be here for you, but you need someone to keep you company better than me.”

“You mean… I need to start to find someone to marry?”

Michael nods. How is it now that I should think about this as something that comes first?

“That will go with the flow. I promise.”

We are getting up from our chairs and Michael goes directly to hug me. It feels different now as if I never felt the same again.

“I understand how you feel about it,” I never know that Michael could read my mind better. “But you can’t always live it.”

“I’m just not ready…”

“Take your time. Don’t get tired to restart.”

“Now, I think Gina is happy to meet you.”

It’s like a new routine for me to visit Michael and Corinna and end up playing with Gina for the whole day. I will come straight after my work time’s done at the office. She is an angelic kid, setting my mood at ease most of the time.

“He likes to play with Gina, doesn’t he?”

“My love, he found his way to heal.”

“I’m sure he will find his way.”

To talk and be a part of Gina’s learning process is something I’m grateful for. Never in a day, I could be tired of talking and playing with her, even though I have to be a prince at her tea party for thousand times, I would just do it.

“Uncle Ralf, what are you wearing now?”

“This is my service uniform. Is it unique? Do you like it?”

“I think Papa had one too…”

“Yes. I think his uniform is fancier than me.”

“Fancy?”

“Better looking. Do you agree?”

Gina nods as she touches my Sergeant’s chevron, “Papa and you look like a prince.”

I laugh at that and kiss her on her cheek, “Oh, thank you! And you are a charming princess ever!”

Months later, Michael tells me that Corinna is with a child again. It’s a little bit late, but at least, I’m happy to know that. I come to visit again with some goods and flowers to celebrate with them. And to my surprise, Gina asked me to stay. I almost turn I it down, but then I did as she asked me to just for a night.

It’s like any other day in the headquarters, but much more relaxed than the last time. I can say that war had torn every single soul apart, but I feel bored these days as I’m not catching up with any deadlines. I will end up doing more reports with a cigarette dangling from my lips to keep me focused for a whole day.

“Sarge? How far do you have this time?”

“Almost near the end and I’m done. You?”

“Same here. But I think I can’t do more. My weeks feel wasted with all of these!”

“Take a break, then! You can always come back.”

“Not when I have thousand of these! Better done and rest later!”

But then we are taking a break at a pub near the headquarters. Paul takes me there because he got there a couple of times before. I don’t drink, like ever because I can’t stand the smell of alcohol. Different for Paul, he likes it and sometimes forgets how much he has already.

“Paul. Paul, you have to stop drinking!”

“I get that you don’t drink, but this is my liberty! Just another glass, please?”

I know it’s not time for being serious, but I prefer to stop him before things go wrong. “No, Paul. We have to go.”

“He knows better.” Well, the bartender knows that he can’t take more. He nods at me to take Paul out of the pub. He even waved us off for the drink and I can’t be more thankful.

“Let’s go. I’ll take you back.”

He is stumbling hard on his feet on our way back to headquarters and I lost my count on how much I try to keep him stable.

Just as I worry, we crossed paths with a young lady and I can’t be more ashamed of what he did. I don’t care that he is drunk at the moment, it’s just inappropriate.

“Pardon us, Miss. I am so sorry, he just having a rough night.”

“It’s okay. You can continue on your way.”

I really can’t leave her be because the mess is caused by us. I offer her a hand and she accepts it. Paul is accidentally pushing her too hard when we crossed paths and she fell to the street and the dirt stained her dress. She is probably on her way back home, but still, she can’t go home like that. I give her my coat to cover the stain and she takes it wholeheartedly. Before she is on her way again, she asks me whether she can meet me to return the coat. It’s hard to say no because I will give her more trouble than she thinks, but then I tell her to meet in the restaurant near the pub where I just had a drink with Paul in the afternoon.

“Sarge?”

“Yes, Paul? Have you set your head straight now?”

“I think I have hungover, but I also think that you just had love at first sight.”

“You stop right there, Paul. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t want to talk about it or are you just overwhelmingly shy for being oblivious?”

“You are hungover and you need some rest. I’ll type somewhere but here. Goodbye.”

As I get into another room and start typing the report again, I think of what Paul had just said to me being fell in love with that young lady.

Am I even blushing and looking silly in front of her?

No, I know better. I can’t let him win when he is mocking me for being kind to an unknown lady.

I’m lucky because I come early as soon as I’m done with the reports and sent them to the Major’s office. But, unfortunately, I don’t have time to really present myself properly but just a clean face and slick hair. I booked a chair outside for the two of us and I wait for her while having a smoke. Just another five minutes then she comes.

“Sorry, I hope I didn’t make you wait too long.”

My hearts stop upon seeing her in front of me. Not to mention that she is also looking awfully beautiful under the cloudy sky of London.

“No, not at all. Please, have a seat.” It’s like I couldn’t stop stammering and I feel so silly for my awkwardness.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“Thank you, but I’m fine.”

She digs into her bigger bag and pulls out my coat. I guess she managed to wash and iron it last night.

“Thank you for borrowing me your coat. It was a big help or else my Mom will think less of me for being unable to take care of a dress!”

“No, thank you, actually. I thought that you would be mad at us for ruining your dress.”

She gives me the coat and lowers her head a little as if she avoids eye contact. I get that she manages to be polite and I think it’s rarely seen in women these days.

“I’m Cora, by the way. Cora Brinkmann.”

It takes a second for me to digest what is happening but she just gives me her name and that’s not an English name. She offers me her hand while still shyly hiding her face a bit in front of me.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Ralph.”

I never thought we could be blended in a short time of exchanging words. I told her about my interest in developing my farm and some other things that I liked to do or explore and she pays it with positivity. Though she feeds me with praise and interest, she still tries to not try hard on everything. It comes naturally and I think I start to see her differently.

Do I just admit that I nurture a feeling for her?

“Do you have a last name, even?” she asks as soon as we are about to go part ways.

“Shoemaker,” It’s always weird that I get to use that name instead of my real given name. “Ralph Shoemaker.”

“Thank you for driving me home, Ralph Shoemaker.”

“That at least a kindness I can offer you, Ma’am.”

She walks to her front door and once again turns to see me one last time, “See you sometime, Shoemaker.”

And for that, I think I’m in love.

Our meetings grow from twice a week to three times a week and sometimes more. We always met at the same restaurant and that becomes a moment that I long to happen most of the time. I have grown to be comfortable when I’m near her or with her. Yet I couldn’t say that I see this as something that I wanted; I have doubts and I can’t quite define it.

Michael suddenly came to tell me that their son had been born healthy. They named him Mick. I’m happy that I got the news in the middle train of my doubts and decided to visit him. I bring Cora with me.

I know I haven’t any decision yet about how I will carry out my relationship with Cora, but I don’t mind at all doing the introduction early to Michael and Corinna. Maybe they can provide an insight for me to consider about her and I will listen to them whatever their view towards her.

I have my time with Michael and I tell him everything that has been going on the last few months between me and Cora. I take that he is interested in hearing further but I got distracted when she plays with Gina and Little Mick while he is been taking care of by his mother. She is gentle and treats them just like I do. I feel a realization just hit me right at the moment that she could be the one.

“So, what do you think of her so far?”

I know Michael would ask it eventually, “I think I know the answer all along.”

I proposed to her the next month. She is happy when she got the ring and I couldn’t help to feel the same way. I found my breakthrough now that I don’t feel so little anymore when it comes to confessing my feelings towards something or anything. I think I’m growing into someone new that I never thought I would be.

The next month, she comes to tell me that she got a job as a clerk for a post office in town. We celebrate it together by having dinner at her home. I almost think less of myself as I feel nervous to meet her parents. The last time I met them was when I proposed to her and we came as soon as I put the ring on her finger just to share the news. This time will be a real talk, in-depth between two parties; me and her parents, especially her father. I have plans for the continuity of our relationship, but I’m not ready to share anything yet as I’m scared that I can’t make it on time or have trouble in the middle. But Cora ensures me that everything will be just fine, just like the last time.

And it’s a marvellous time, turns out. They are asking mostly about me outside of my job. They don’t even dig too much about my family and I can’t thank her enough for every comfort and reassurance she provided me to come this far.

“So, have you decided it?”

“Decide what?” I play with Gina and Mick this time to pay for my long-time absence because of a task that I have at hand back in the headquarters.

“That you will marry her, won’t you?”

Mick squirms in my arms while tethering his toy and Gina tries to climb my back, “Yes. I think I’ll marry her. I haven’t told her about it.”

“Uncle Ralf?”

“Yes, my Princess?”

“Do you think Aunty Cora is beautiful?”

Of course, she is. “Yes, she is. Just like you, my Little Princess.”

“Then I think you have my blessing, Ralf.”

It doesn’t have to be a long wait for me as I approach her and tell her all about it. I come in direct to her parents to ask for her hand in marriage and they give me their blessings. I couldn’t be more delighted to know that she is also having a moment too.

I’m marrying her at a local chapel. Paul is also there with Laura. There is a little hesitation about whether I can carry on the procession but as soon as I see Cora walking the aisle with her father, I feel all my burden is lifted by the wind. She looks amazingly stunning in her traditional 1920’s bridal gown.

“A thousand bless for you, Ralf!”

“Don’t tease me, Michael!”

And she stands beside me now, looking a little bit nervous as I am. I reach for her hand and squeeze it to send her some comfort I can share at the moment. It’s almost like time has stopped for a while when I get to open the veil and look at her this close.

Time drags on and all I know is that we are now standing in front of the chapel for a picture together as we officially pronounced as husband and wife. I realized that I haven’t let her hand go since then. Somehow I feel damaged mentally to face the crowd that also celebrating my marriage to her.

“Just smile, Ralph. We are here together, you and me. We’ll be okay.”

“Kiss her, Sergeant! She can’t wait forever!”

So I kiss her behind my service cap as I can’t compromise her privacy but they are all still shouting teasingly anyway. As we were apart, we breathed and blushed red like blossomed rose. It’s like we are kids again and then we laugh it away. Then we walk together as I lead her back to my car and drive to my house. Our house now.

Weeks turn into months as I still actively served with The Royal Army and Cora stays at home and helps me to take care of the chickens, the cows, and the crops. She also sells some eggs and makes butter from fresh milk she collected from the cows at a local groceries store. Since we are transitioning from war, I will go home early than usual and be able to enjoy the evening together with her.

“How’s your day at home?”

“Slow. But everything is fun as usual.”

One thing that I loved since I have her is that I could walk the farm with her every weekend now, hand in hand, and feeling in love every day.

Weeks later, she shares the good news that she is with a child. Words unable to express as I’m beyond happy upon hearing the news from her. I write a letter to Michael to let him know and also to share some of our farm progress here. A week later, Michael, Corinna, Gina, and not-so-little Mick come to visit us. They are coming to celebrate the news and I’m no more than delighted to have the kids around as I grew to miss them lately.

Cora and I are having two ponies now and Gina is excited when she gets to see it. She even asked me to ride the pony. So does Mick. I let them ride it and accompany them to explore the farm together until the afternoon.

I’m probably better at taking care of animals, but when Cora experiences pain in her late eight months of pregnancy, I panicked. I am confused about how to help her, so I can only drive her to the nearest hospital in town. I feel small when I couldn’t do anything that helps her better, but I’m relieved that the doctor understands me well about this. The doctor comes back with confirmation that Cora is fine and the pain she felt was just a regular contraction that is not leading to something concerning and she is releasing her from the hospital.

I am not sleeping at all since she will experience the same thing when she reaches nine months of pregnancy. I couldn’t do much as I don’t get a permanent day off from work to stay beside her all day. I will become fatigued and sleepy while I’m in the headquarters, sometimes falling asleep while typing daily reports.

I got a call from the Major one day when I’m feeling low inspired to do anything that my wife is rushed to hospital by my brother as she is bursting in pain. He said that she is in labour now. I run from the office and go straight to drive my car to the hospital where she is now.

“Cora Shoemaker? Where she is now? I’m her husband!”

“She is in labour now, sir. I’ll take you there.”

The nurse leads me to her room and as soon as I arrived, I go inside. She is halfway through, though I’m lucky I can still be with her while she fights for her life and our child. The nurse tries to support me to calm down and shows me the way to comfort Cora all the way.

“You will be okay. I’m here all along with you.”

I hold her hand until the end. She is having a rough labour process but I’m glad she makes it. The nurses are taking care of our child as soon as it is delivered.

“It’s okay, Cora. You did well. You made it, love.”

“Congratulations, Sir and Madam. You have a son.”

We both breathe in relief as our nerves send us waves of happiness upon welcoming the great news.

“Give me my son. I want to have a look at him.”

I couldn’t be more grateful when I heard him cry for the first time. He is healthy and amazing.

“What’s his name, then?”

Cora holds his little hand gently, “I’ll name him David. David Shoemaker.”

I’m happy that now there are three of us in the family, but later on, Cora is having complications from the labour. She is barely able to make it through the day and is spending most of her time resting in bed. She will have David all day, still nursing him until she dozes off again while holding him in her arms. At these times, I have my permanent days off from work and busy myself between taking care of the farm, the animals, and David.

I’m blessed because David is a calm kid. He is reminding me of my brother’s children; calm and angelic. He is as adorable as them. My kind of evening routine is different now. After I help Cora with her bath and dinner, I will sit in the living room while holding David near the fireplace. I read him a children’s book that has been my favourite when I was a child. He will fall asleep quickly or sometimes still awake until the last paragraph and babble randomly to me as if he tries to tell me something. Every time he does it, I will forget my day, all my sore joints and tired body even get better.

I will retreat at the end of the day to be by Cora’s side and I got nothing to worry about as long as the morning and tomorrow come.

Cora is getting better as the week drags on. We have a special occasion today; to have a picnic in our garden. Cora is playing with David and never we expected that today will be the day we witness him have his first step while we are watching. Cora is the happiest mother alive as I watched her welcoming David back into her arms.

Our happiness is always there to fill as David keeps growing and showing good progress. He starts to talk several words and starts to walk in stable even though sometimes he is stumbling on his little steps. At the end of the day, he will be a medicine to my tired days of working. Life is more stable too as I notice a few more changes in me. I could say that married life has cured most of my past and scars.

At the end of the week, I will have all day walking while taking David with me around the farm and the garden. I teach him to plant and water the crops. He is a fast learner, I noticed. And he is barely complaining, he just has a sense of curiosity over everything he does. He also grows to be more excited every time in the morning when we are about to go to our farm every weekend.

“He’s growing fast…”

“And that’s better, Cora.”

“Do you think he would love to stay here forever with us?”

“He will have his life and I’m sure he will always come home to us. He will always come back to you.”

I am still serving with The Royal Army for another two years. I am now helping a colonel mentor privates for their initial radiomen training. As a Lieutenant now, nothing feels less different than when I was still a private.

After reaching the end of my final years serving, they offer me to stay longer with The Army. I had been through everything, but I decide to retire. I want to be there for my son and maybe grow my farm better. I want to be there for my wife and my son, too. The reality is, I never had a choice to choose because The Army had given me everything, especially when I had to battle my beliefs as someone new instead of confessing my true identity as the world is still pretty much in conflict, even now.

But I have my life now. I have what I wanted for so long; a peaceful life after a long train of wounds and sorrow. I am lucky that I don’t have to let anyone know who I am, at least, I would just bury everything now, left it behind.

Though I live in the shadow, I am still the young man I used to be; A German, a soldier, and the last Prince of Habsburg.

#fanfic #fanfiction #formula 1 #ralf schumacher #michael schumacher #mick schumacher #david schumacher #corinna schumacher #cora schumacher #paul di resta #heinz harald frentzen #alternate universe #world war ii

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rp-repliforce · 2 years

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Civilian OC: Blackbeetle

Alright, so... Here's my new (WIP) OC.

I was originally going to call him Bulldozer BlackBeetle, but I realized that he doesn't exactly look like he has the equipment to be a bulldozer, so for now he's just plain ‘BlackBeetle.’

I'm thinking that he does some sort of manual labor, so he's pretty strong. He might also be roughly 6ft tall, but I haven’t settled on it yet. He has no wings, but he does have storage space under his elytra where he keeps his tools.

He does actually have legs, but I wasn’t able to draw them because of the camera angle. He only has four limbs, which are located where a beetle’s front and back pairs of legs would go. (He has no middle-pair.) As his name would suggest, his color palette would pretty much be varying shades of black, but I may end up adding some sparse yellow highlights.

As for his character, I'd say he's a bit more complex than he looks.

Unlike the majority of Reploids, he actually idolizes humans. His deepest desire is to loved and accepted by them, and to live in their world.

While he'd spend hours toiling, he'd sometimes see humans enjoying themselves nearby. Some Reploids in his position would feel jealous, but instead, he came to the conclusion that humans must be better than Reploids. Their lives seem so carefree with machines tending to their every need. He would even sometimes see them in small, tight-knit groups called "families"... Something he never had.

He sometimes wishes he could be human, but he knows it's impossible. The closest he could get is being remade into a humanoid, but... he could never afford it with his wages, and even if he did go through with it somehow, it’s just not the same.

In most of his interactions with humans, he would often be left feeling ignored, or just tolerated. He would blame his own looks for getting this treatment (whether or not it actually is the reason), but It might also be because he’d be trying to socialize at a time and place that isn’t really ideal (or with the wrong people), but he doesn’t realize it.

I'm thinking that he's surrounded by people, but deep down he's really lonely.

I figured that if he keeps getting treated this way over and over, he might get so frustrated that he would go maverick. He would kidnap his human crush (who isn’t even really interested in him as a person), and force her to spend time with him. He wouldn’t do anything more than that. When the Maverick Hunters would come, he’d act possessive of her and try to hide her behind his shell. However, it would be possible to talk him down. When he’d eventually come to his senses and realize the terrible thing he’s done, he would let her go, and would surrender to the hunters (even showing them his wrists so they can cuff him). While in custody, he would quietly accept whatever punishment they would give him.

But... I like him too much to let him go down this route, so he can expect to find a friend sometime in the future. 😊

I know that there’s also more to his character than admiring humans, but I haven’t explored that part yet. I do have an idea of his overall demeanor though. I think he’d be a humble and hard-working sort, but he’s also kind of a lower-energy character overall (despite his troubled heart).

Also, I think that if someone gave him a hug for longer than four seconds, he’d probably start crying.

Since you can tell a lot about a character from their living space, I also tried to imagine what his home would look like:

I imagine the walls to made of some sort of cheap, bright-yellow metal paneling, which would have a some oil stains on it. It would be a pretty small room, which was set up for him by his employer (who legally owns him). There would be various tools hung on the wall (which are coincidentally closer to the stains), and an energy-pellet dispenser in the corner. His sleep pod isn’t really much of a ‘pod.’ It’s more like a circular base with a rim that he neatly fits into. He sleeps by tucking his limbs beneath his shell and lying on his stomach, because if he tried to lay on his back, he wouldn’t be able to get back up again and would just be stuck helplessly flailing his arms in the air until someone comes to get him. I also imagined that he has magazine clippings of humans taped to his wall. It’s all just photos of people that he found himself admiring.

Other than that, he doesn’t have much to his name.

But... yeah. I’d say that’s about all I have on him so far. 😅 I feel like my description is kind of messy, but hopefully this wasn’t too hard to read.

#art

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allwaysnighthere · 7 days

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I can’t abide by people who make me feel as though I’m hard to love or that I need to dim my own light (even when it’s already faint) to be someone more tolerable. Everyone has faults and traits or habits that maybe aren’t so great. Maybe I’m too forgiving to the point that I’ve enabled rotten behavior. Like you can treat me this way because I have a high tolerance for the sake of having friends, even though the way you treat me isn’t friendly, and even when someone has acknowledged it they don’t apologize. There’s rarely a change or they find justification for it. As if there’s a reason why they can’t communicate a need or boundary without being harsh or demeaning. As someone who can’t easily recognize some boundaries or infer them from vague clues, it’s unfair to be held to the expectation that I simply know something without it being said. I’ve always asked for people to speak plainly because I don’t understand between the lines insinuations.

I hate being treated as if I’m inferior because I haven’t had the same experiences or ability in dealing with certain issues. Or in some cases, they think that my life is somehow picturesque because I’ve gotten to a point where I have a decent job with good benefits, things are getting better with my partner, and we have a roof over our heads. This is the first time I’ve been able to consistently pay for and attend therapy sessions with someone I connect with as she’s been through some similar experiences. I wish it worked that way, but it doesn’t.

I used to think that once all those pieces came together and I spent a certain amount of time in therapy that all would be better, that I’d be healed from many, many years of abuse and living in broken homes. Thing is, there are a lot of pieces that I never put together before because I didn’t have someone to help me see it. Until you have someone that straight up points out the behaviors that are not okay or you stumble across them in reading, it’s not a concept that comes naturally. It takes work. Unlearning, learning, understanding. I cannot do this on my own. I’ve tried it before with zero success. I have limited support. I can’t count on family and while my partner is far more emotionally intelligent than I am, he can’t solve everything either.

Even today there are other factors that complicate the healing process, factors that I haven’t talked about with others or on here. When you don’t have a parent or parental figure that you can go to for help when you’re young - either due to their absence, their inability to assist because they never learned how to process emotions either, or they’re simply not a safe space - things just get bottled up until they come out in the worst ways, and if you’re like me in that you’re afraid of losing someone’s love by revealing those mistakes and being honest in general about what’s going on in your head, then they simply go under a rug. I’ve been masking my whole life. I could teach a masterclass in putting on a front of being “normal” to others. So, it eats away at me when someone presumes to know me better than I know myself or that all should be resolved by now.

It truly hurts when someone tells you that you should be “over it” by now. Just move on, right? As if I didn’t spend my childhood living in hell? I watched my mom get beaten by her second guy. As much as she cried and wanted to get away, that didn’t happen for a few years. Then the third really fucked my world up in more ways than I can remember and describe on here. To be raised by a single parent who could barely keep us above the poverty level and couldn’t be home was hard. She couldn’t afford consistent therapy for both of us. I made a serious attempt on my own life when I was a sophomore which led to me being handcuffed and discharged to an inpatient institution for two weeks. It helped for a little while, then it was back to the downward spiral. There’s plenty more in my adult life that looking back at I can see now was harmful or they were warning signs, but I didn’t know it at the time.

I wish I could have understood sooner just how many of my habits and mannerisms stem from an unresolved past. But I take some comfort in knowing I’m not alone. I’ve read healing experiences from others that are decades older than I, and sometimes you don’t get the help you need until your 40s or beyond that. It’s not an instantaneous process. I’ve wished for it to be that simple, like I could count on being done and healed in a year of therapy, except it’s not like that. It’s not a work project. Everybody is different. I try to remind myself to brush off comments from people who think they know what I went through, as if they’re the ones that experienced what I did. You didn’t, just like I didn’t go through your experience so I’m not going to pretend as though I get it.

I guess what I’m getting at with this is that I’m frustrated by the pressure to just somehow easily pick up on all these new concepts when a.) I haven’t had exposure to them in the past and b.) therapy is far from being over. It could be several more years before I have what I need in my toolkit to be able to thrive and cope in healthier ways. I don’t think it’s one of those things where you’re one and done or that it happens quickly, certainly not for everyone. Should I limit my circle to people who are more understanding? Most likely. It isn’t helping to be around people who think they’re being supportive when it’s as if they’re trying to hold me to a miracle standard or think they know the full extent of what I’ve been through. It should be about the journey, not the end game. I don’t like being held to extravagant standards and then having the goalpost moved based on what someone thinks is appropriate.

If it didn’t take you long or you picked up on it quickly, I’m happy for you. I’m more than excited for you to have processed your trauma or to be at a point where you believe you’re on the threshold of success. But please don’t hold others to those expectations. Honestly, it’s kind of devastating and hurtful when someone expects you to be “done with it” or to be at what they consider a benchmark.

I am not you and you are not me.

#124 #just rambling #jr #trauma recovery #mental health #cw abuse #growth #healing

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lamarckianenterprises · 7 months

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The Zombies (Teaser)

As previously mentioned I think in general pop culture is a little burned out on zombies as the slow, shambling, groaning and borderline invincible threats they were originally envisioned as.

Except I think a lot of works try to solve this the wrong way? In 28 days later the zombies are just fast for some reason but still as aggressive and borderline invincible, the apocalypse guide movie zombies are boneless ants apparently, the walking dead just sorta doesn’t bother, and a lot of video games lean towards the supernatural and superpowered angle too much out of a desire to like, have gameplay variance, and let us not mention the crossed and other works with what are effectively some form of ‘smart’ zombies, usually to make some sort of contrived ‘humans are the real monsters’ message.

I think the core of what makes zombies still terrifying now is their inevitability, they’re terrifying the same way untreated rabies is terrifying now, and always was before we learned to make vaccines against it. It’s not the bare naked aggression, or the whole untapped prowess of a human body turned into nothing but the act of consumption and spreading of the disease, it’s just. If you get bit and it doesn’t get treated you die, your body moves, you might still have some sense of rationality or sense underneath the violent white knuckle insanity, but that body isn’t yours, your actions aren’t your own, no matter who you used to be before the infection, no matter your accolades or intelligence, once infected you are just another snarling beast rushing towards the nearest warm potential carrier body to tear into with your teeth and claws.

I think that’s what’s terrifying, the complete destruction of someone’s individuality and freewill, not the fact that a zombie can kill you painfully, any sufficiently advanced animal can do that, some while already dead too! But the knowledge that one careless moment can lead to you inevitably succumbing and attempting to kill your loved ones in the most base and barbaric method possible regardless of what you think about it is what would keep me up at night if zombies existed.

And besides, real life has informed me that I don’t need to make zombies bullshit perpetual motion machines to meaningfully damage or traumatize society, and honestly I never really liked that aspect of zombie apocalypse fiction. Everyone just has to be braindead even before they get bit and the zombies just have complete immunity against all forms of decay or cessation for anything interesting to happen after a few months pass apparently, even that semi realistic survival guide book just has a constant stream of defrosting popsicle zombies after the worst has passed to ensure that the threat is perpetual or something.

Look I’m just saying, humanity was given a chance to eradicate a novel new strain of respiratory disease that can even spread into the brain and we let it become endemic (despite apparently eradicating an extremely common strain of flu in the USA to the point where it’s getting removed from flu shot rotation potentially in perpetuity now) because we collectively couldn’t be bothered to stay inside even if it meant making the line a frowny face for a little while, or even just, getting a jab as the baseline. If Super Rabies or some other form of zombie virus manifests into the world I don’t think the world would end, I just think that I’d be trapped inside of my house for another two years while the government talks about food rations and plank allocations until the vaccine arrives for no one to bother getting it ever and I’ll just be expected to grin and bear it and laugh while another nursing home or preschool turns into a slaughterhouse today because the guy who has 100 billion wants 101..

#writing #creative writing #on writing #story prompt #yuri #teaser #covid19 #covid isn't over #zombie

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merridelicious · 2 years

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I’m tired and I live in a new place now and there is a lot of anxiety and hope in that. I have not thought about him in a week. but I wanted to say I love you. I love you. you are not quite a home, occupying that now-familiar definition of “two steps to the left of”. still. I find half my favorite posts now on your blog. (it might as well be a dashboard curated for me with how much you post and how often I like what you’d reblogged. our humor and interests are well-matched, for being opposing sides of different coins.) you are the lifeforms to whom I can send my little “are-you-out-there” voyagers into the depths of space and finally finally receive a response. it aches much less now, actually. for two years I fell back in love and could not be rid of it, but your mirrored life sent back answers, reminded me how human he is. I love you for the way we found each other in such a curious time. there is a kindness resting just behind your fingernails. it edges out to scratch softly at a shared loss. you turn up flakes of gold in the paint.

in comfort and in health and in healing grief, I love you. and I don’t really know you and I don’t really love you, but I love you at least this far. and it’s crazy how universal it all is. I never had bus stop kisses and you might never have played guitar for them, but this feeling is the same. we both had something we will never have again. we had a real honest-to-god first love written in the stars and hand-delivered like it was all meant to happen, the universe laughing at its own little jokes scattered like coincidences. you write me and I write you and it’s two-steps-removed but we might as well be telling each other’s stories. I’m sorry first love dies in the summer. we burned our tongues and some scars the body holds to. but I like that ours come in matching shapes.

someday our hands will be around warm mugs and we will not be together, not in the same room or in the same state. but at the same time, steam rising from where we hold, there will be gold between our fingers, snapping taut as the red string story, if only for a moment. a connection not romantic or platonic and not neither. there was a moment in the past we both looked up at the same moon, I am certain of it. (isn’t it crazy that there’s only one moon in our sky? the characters of our oldest histories saw the same one)

there is no dancing in kitchens here, just curiosity and time snapping right into time. the clocks will fall back out of order and we will lose it. in case we are nearing the end, though- I love you.

(- you deserve one wholly dedicated to you)

i read this one backwards and got confused. but only because i didn’t realize at first you meant one letter. i thought you meant one person in which case i was ready to reply “so do you”.

the truth is, i could rhapsodize on and on about someone who i loved and left, but he’s off chasing the high of his first love—not me, but someone who treated him awfully for years on end, till he couldn’t take it anymore. besides, I’d waste time that i could have spent appreciating what was right in front of me, waiting in my inbox.

we are in the same time zone now, waking and resting by the same sun, you in your little life and i in mine. and yes, I love you. I love you in the way only strangers on parallel paths can. I love you the way the echo loves the canyon. though we might never meet it is vital that I tell you. it has been a whirlwind of a month, and so much has changed since we first found each other.

were there tangled strings and crossed wires? perhaps. if i remember correctly, you were the one leaving your love and i was the one left. i imagine the whispered wishes, the silent tears, afflicting each of us.

when i was asked for space, i gave it, for two reasons. one, i still believe absence makes the heart grow fonder. two, if it was meant for me, it will return. ten years from now, he and i might just reunite and be stronger than ever. we will be in our thirties. we will have passed thousands of days apart. it won’t feel like first love. it will feel like coming home.

i know there will be someone who feels like home to you too. the wonders of the world never cease, and it might just be that once you let go of the one person on your mind, they pour back into your life. but i’m also not one to give false hope. i am a dreamer, a hoper, a planner of hopes and dreams. some might call me a goddamn fool. and i wouldn’t correct them (no matter how booksmart i try to be).

but i love you, and love requires the truth. i hope we are not nearing the end, but this is a busy time of year. i am always here in spirit, and i hope you know that. no matter where this fall takes us- I love you.

#asks #love letters #part 17 #ask me anything #ref #host posts #ive been looking for this one everywhere

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like-rain-or-confetti · 3 years

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Request: Mine (Alec Volturi x Reader)

WARNING: GORE!

You had to stay clear. Heidi was bringing in the tours and Demetri was around to make sure all would run smoothly, no one being left behind. Whilst you could only smile at a few of the tourists who locked eyes with you. You figured it wouldn't hurt, they'd go one way and you'd go the other, completely clear of what would happen next. Suddenly you heard your name.

The voice was familiar but before you could recall who it was, they stepped out of the line of tourists, walking up to you with a smile. You felt your stomach drop. It was your ex boyfriend. Heidi and Demetri both looked at him but said nothing. "Well I'll be damned, I never thought I'd see you here." Your ex smiled. "It's good to see you." You said politely. Although you found it difficult to mask your unease. "Do you work here?" He asked. "Yeah." You nodded. "How have you been?" It was clear he was determined to get a conversation to you reluctantly gave in. "I've been good. Working mostly." You smiled gesturing to the room. "How have you been?" “I've been great. Travelling with friends. Partying. You know me." He winked. You hummed in 'amusement'.

"Well hello there." Heidi glided up to you both. Your ex looked her up and down and smirked. "Hey." "(Y/N)'s considered new around her and doesn't know anyone." Heidi smiled, pulling you into her side. She rubbed your arm slightly. Although you were uncertain if that was her way to say she had your back. "So who's your friend?" She smiled wider, showing her teeth. "Oh he isn't my-" You began but your ex interrupted. "I'm an old friend. (Y/N) and I have quite a history together." He replied sending you a teasing flirtatious smile. "This is my ex boyfriend." You finished. "Oh I see. Well, you only have a couple of minutes, the tour is about to start and you..." She lightly tapped your nose with her free arm. "...have to get back to work." She broke away but kept at a close distance. Supposedly not paying attention anymore but you knew she was keeping close for you.

"How long have you been here?" Your ex asked. "I've been here for nearly a year now." "Wow. No one told me you'd left. Your mum told me when I went looking for you but she had no idea where you went. She said you had just up and left." You wanted to kick yourself and groan. This wasn't going to be easy. "Why...why did you speak to my mum?" You asked. "I was looking for you. I went to your house but your mum said you had been gone for months." "Yeah, I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I needed the space and time to build a new life here. My...my life back there was pretty much ruined." Thanks to him. "Ah, yes, that wasn't my finest moment." He said quieter. "It doesn't matter now. What's done is done. The way I see it, it would have been worse if I stayed." "In my eyes, the worst thing I've ever done is what I did to you." He responded. You were certain that your ex had cheated on you. If he hadn't then it would be a matter of waiting until he did. Waiting for your heartbreak. Not to mention he wasn't exactly apologetic for the flirting with others, and generally tiptoeing the line of cheating.

When you ended things with him, he was determined to ruin your reputation with rumours about you such as being controlling. You saw the storm he was itching to give you. So you figured if you left, you'd be rid of him and any damage he caused, as well as he'd have no choice but to pick someone else or be his own downfall thanks to that oncoming storm.

You shrugged. "Hey...can we talk? A little more privately?" He asked softly. "I don't think I can. I really need to get back to work-" "It'll only be just a minute." He said quickly. "Alright everyone, the tour is starting, if you could all please stick together and not wander. This place is very big and who knows if we'll find you again!" Heidi's voice rang out. The last sentence received a couple of chuckles. "Enjoy the tour. It was nice to see you again." You took a step back. "Please, it's important." He said hurriedly. You didn't know how to answer. "One moment everyone!" Heidi smiled brightly as Demetri placed a hand on her back and guided her towards the corner in hushed chatter.

"Make it quick." You said flatly. "I've been thinking about us. How we left things and I've really missed you." You sighed. "I know- I know we had our issues but if we try we can work through them." "No. I think the past is in the past and I want to leave it there." You responded. "If you didn't care you wouldn't have left everything behind." He said. "You know, I have more reasons to leave than you making up stories about me whilst you play around with others feelings." You frowned slightly. "I don't blame you." He answered. "I don't care and I don't need your validation. You made your choices and I made mine." "You're just not thinking straight. You left your family. They don't even know where you are." He said. "That is none of your business." You said firmly. "Would you stop acting so entitled and being overdramatic and listen to me? It's no wonder we broke up. You do this every time!"

"Excuse me, I think that's enough now." Demetri interrupted calmly. "The tour is about to start." "Buddy... you're really not involved in this and we're having a conversation so mind your business." Your ex said through gritted teeth. Before Demetri could respond, you jumped to his defence. "Don't speak to him like that! You can speak to me like that but don't speak to him like that!" "No, he can't speak to you that way." Heidi said, sending him a pointed gaze. Her hands on her hips. Your ex looked at her. Knowing him, he wanted to snap at her like he had Demetri but as soon as his eyes landed on her, they softened and he said nothing. He wore the same look he had back then. "You know that's why I'd get to angry with you." You said softly. "You always tried to convince me that I was crazy but even now, you have a wandering eye." "What? You'd want me to blind myself? Is that what would make you happy?" He said with snark and you didn't respond. Demetri nodded to Heidi . "Are we done here?" You asked him. "No." Your ex said flatly. You sighed before turning to Heidi. She was about to speak up but you cut her off. "It's okay Heidi. I can handle this." "You make it sound like I'm the problem here." Your ex frowned. "If your colleagues didn't hover around you then perhaps we wouldn't be disagreeing right now." "It's alright, Heidi." Demetri said as he put a hand on her shoulder. "You go ahead with the group. I'll make sure he catches up." Heidi thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Very well." With a flick of her hair she moved towards the front of the group. "As I said everyone! Stay together!" She began to walk down the corridor, heading towards the throne room.

You knew at this point your ex was just shutting down. He knew that wasn't what you meant but everything he'd say from that moment forward was out of pure spite. "You do this every time!" He said in anger. "I don't want to fight with you! I'm trying to talk to you." "There's nothing to talk about. What you and I had is over." "No, it's not." He responded quickly and confidently. "You can't do that. You can't just speak to me like we just shared a ride home." He said, stepping closer. "You and I are more than that, we always have been." "We aren't anything. I've moved on and I'm happy." You responded, standing your ground. "Moved on?" He laughed. "No. No, I don't believe that. You're still standing here and we both know that when you're done with someone that you don't give them the time of day." "I'm trying to be civil and not make a scene." He laughed again, completely convinced. "Alright. Where is my replacement then, hm? Is it him?" Your ex nodded behind him towards Demetri. "No and I don't want you meeting him." You folded your arms. "Or I won't because you're lying." Your ex smirked. "You don't have to be like this babe. We can start again. We can have that happy life together we talked about. Laugh about all of this later. You and I were solid and we can be like that again." You shook your head. "No. I already told you I'm with someone else." "And do they love you like I do?" He asked. You paused. You knew Alec loved you. He just didn't tell it or show it all the time. Not in the way your previous relationships had. Alec wasn't like other people and sometimes that had challenges but you'd take that. You'd rather someone loved you and barely told you rather than someone constantly telling you they loved you merely because they loved the idea of you and wanted to keep you around. "My guess is that he loves me more." You answered quietly. It had been a long time since you had to deal with how your ex was treating you and you couldn't help but wonder if you were losing. Your ex hummed in amusement. "You tell yourself that a lot, don't you? I can see it in your eyes. Well let me tell you babe, loving you is easy." He moved closer, his voice lowering. "I promise you, I loved you more than anyone ever has and I still do. You're hurt. I get that. I hurt you but I can fix it just as easily. Just as easily as you light up my world with that beautiful face of yours. Come on, you and me." He took your arms and you shook your head. "No." You said quickly. Demetri stepped forward but you shook your head at him. "It's fine, Demetri. I can handle this." You said hurriedly. "In fact, don't you have somewhere else to be?" Your ex sneered at Demetri behind him. His grip on you tightened. "Stop it. You're getting angry at him for no reason." You said hurriedly. "Yes, I am because this dude doesn't know when to take a hint and clear off." Your ex said sharply. Demetri's eyes narrowed on your ex before turning on his heel and briskly heading down the corridors, the same way the rest of the tourists had.

"Come on, you and me." Your ex said quieter and softly. "We had amazing times together and we should never have ended things the way we did." "You're not listening to me. It is over." You emphasized. "No, it's not." He said simply. Before you could pull back, your ex pulled you in by your arms and kissed you. You immediately pulled your head away. "You can't do that!" You cried out. However you cry was drowned out by a very loud scream of rage.

Alec was in front of you both in moments and looked absolutely livid. With inhuman speed he grabbed your ex, throwing him to the ground. Alec was moving so fast that you couldn't see anything but a blur. Your ex screamed in terror as Alec dragged him by the legs, down a different corridor behind you. "Alec!?" You cried out but before you could move, Demetri held you back as Felix and Jane stepped around you, heading after Alec. Demetri forcibly made you turn in the other direction.

You thought he was taking you to the throne room but her turned a sharp corner and instead led you to the kitchen. You could only say Demetri's name, unable to form a coherent sentence. You wanted to ask him a million questions but nothing came to mind. "Your arms..." Demetri said quickly closing the gap between you to inspect your arms. You looked down to see red scratches down your fore arms. "Do these hurt?" He asked.

Now that you were aware of them, you acknowledged the burning sensation they left but you weren't even remotely concerned about that. You were worried about Alec. "No!" You said hurriedly. "I'm more concerned about Alec. He was- where did he go? What just happened!?" Demetri didn't answer, simply staring into your eyes. "Let us deal with this, understand the situation better so I can be accurate, alright? Just, let me take you to his room and be patient.” You let him, taking a glass of water with you for Demetri's peace of mind.

Jane turned around to see Demetri approaching. "How bad is it?" He asked. Alec's screams of rage and the sound of breaking furniture very loud despite the door being shut. "Bad." Felix responded. "The human is basically soup in there." "The humans final minutes were nothing less of excruciating." Jane smiled darkly. "Is the human in pieces?" Demetri said in somewhat horror. Not because he suddenly had a concern for humans. More so because humans are basically bags of fluid and if your ex had been even slightly ripped open, blood and everything else would utterly destroy the very old carpets, rugs and walls. Not to mention Alec was currently destroying everything in sight. "Friend, I'm going to say this as delicately as I can." Felix said to Demetri. "That human was very much alive when Alec ripped him apparent and tore out his organs. He then threw the organs all over the room and has since been stamping on every bone. That human is a puddle of mush and then rest of him is across the room." "How lovely..." Demetri trailed off. Although he wasn't surprised. This was Alec after all. "He needs to calm down soon. (Y/N) is worried about him." "They'll need to wait." Jane responded flatly. "It's been a long time since he's been this angry." Jane spoke of it like talking about the weather and not that her brother was completely destroying a room whilst creating a gruesome scene. "I'm surprised you're not in there and helping him." Felix said to Jane. "He wouldn't let me get close. He wanted the human to himself." Jane smiled proudly as she thought fondly of her brother. "That human was in just as much pain if I got to him." Felix blinked. "Alright, what's the plan?" "You and I go to (Y/N) and explain the situation, then we go and inform Aro. Jane will stay here with Alec until he calms down. Jane, do not let him go to his room afterwards, (Y/N) is in there and they can't see him like that." Demetri said and Jane nodded as Felix moved towards Demetri.

"Okay you're telling me not to worry but now there are two of you and you won't tell me what's happening." Your eyes narrowed on the two. "It's complicated and we don't know how to explain without crossing a line." Demetri responded. "Wait, Demetri, can we even tell them? Is it our place to tell?" Felix asked. "I don't think we have much of a choice. Do you think Alec will?" Demetri turned to Felix. You looked between the two. "If you don't tell me what's going on then I will scream." You warned them. The two simply looked at you, seemingly unconvinced that you would. You inhaled a deep breath. "Wait! Wait, hold on little human!" Felix said quickly raising his arms. "We'll tell you just don't do that." Demetri said quickly. Neither of the two wanted to find out what you screaming would do when Alec is already off the rails. It could be those two next for all they knew if you did.

Before Felix could talk, Demetri cut him off. "I'll tell them. You are awful at breaking news to anyone." Felix huffed, annoyed he couldn't but at the same time slightly offended with the lack of faith his friend had in him. Although Felix knew his friend was right. He really was the worst at that. "You know that Alec can be temperamental and is very driven by his emotions when he wants to be." Demetri began. "You also know that sometimes be can be so aggravated that he has..." Demetri trailed off. "Tantrums." Felix said flatly. Demetri sent him a pointed look. "What else can you call this? We'll be here all day if we want to look at this with rose tinted glasses. It's tantrums." Felix continued in his defence and Demetri sighed. "Just as Jane does. You know of this but haven't ever experienced it for yourself. This is one of those times. Alec has disposed of the human and is currently on a uncontrollable rampage of destruction. All we can do is wait for him to calm on his own." "Why...why has this provoked such a reaction?" You asked. "Well-" Demetri was cut off again by Felix. "Because the twins do this every time they don't get their own way or something happens they don't like... usually the first one." "Felix!" Demetri scolded him. "It's true! (Y/N) lives here, they might as well know that when the twins don't get what they want, this is what happens!" Felix said to defend himself again. "What I was going to say is," Demetri said as he narrowed his eyes on Felix in warning. "Alec is very... protective of you." "Yeah but also possessive." Felix interrupted again. "Felix, I swear-" "I'm just telling the truth!" Demetri quietly growled in slight frustration. "Alec doesn't really know how to channel his emotions and his past has very much to do with that. He can't express himself correctly and so sometimes the twins have all this pent up emotion that they don't know what to do with it and...this happens." You blinked. "I can't do anything to help him?" "Darling, there is no reasoning with Alec right now in these states. It's best you leave him be and when he's ready he'll come to you." You sighed sitting on Alec's bed. "Might I speak with you about something for a moment? Something that has caused some concern?" Demetri asked. You nodded. "What's up?" You asked quietly. Demetri moved closer to you. "The way that human spoke to you. You know that isn't okay, right?" Demetri asked. You could see concern matching in both Felix and Demetri's eyes. "No one who ever claims to love you should ever treat you like that. You know that, don't you?" You nodded slowly. "I know." You said quietly. "I couldn't make excuses for him after some time and I know that when someone treats you like that... it'll only get worse. So I left. I told myself I deserved better and that I'd never go back." "Right on." Felix smirked softly from the doorway. "Did Alec hear?" You asked. Slowly, Demetri nodded. “He heard the human doubting him, shall we say? Although he was under control. He was approaching when I left when the human kissed you, Alec lost control.” You recalled the rage filled scream that rang through your ears. That must have been Alec. "Do you think he was worried? That I'd go back?" You asked. Demetri thought about it for a moment. "I think he doubts himself. How deserving he is of you. That being said, he'd hold you to him regardless." Demetri cracked a smile and you couldn't help but giggle. That sounded like Alec. "As I said, he's protective of you. You mean everything to him and when someone disrespects you. He will take that very personally." Demetri assured you before stepping back. "Give him some time. Maybe a couple of hours. He'll calm down and come back to you." "What did he do to him? My ex?" You asked. "I think it best that you don't think about that. It's better if you don't know." Demetri responded.

Once Demetri closed Alec's door, Felix let out a sigh of relief. "They nearly screamed when we didn't tell them. Can you imagine if Alec heard them scream right now in this state? You and I would be done for!" "Now we'll be screaming next if the twins over heard what you said about them." Demetri's eyes narrowed. "We'll both get Jane's gift for that." "It was nothing but the truth!" Felix said. Demetri sighed, walking with more purpose. "(Y/N) is with us now, they'd figure that out eventually! Demetri, don't walk away from me!" Felix strode after his friend.

After an hour of worrying, Alec returned to his room. He stood in his open door way, staring you down. "Are you okay?" You asked before you could even think. "You shouldn't have seen that." He said lowly. "Alec..." You trailed off with worry. After a moment of staring you down, he marched towards you.

Alec collided with you so hard that you fell back upon his bed. His lips were on yours before you knew it as he climbed further on top of you. You pulled back and hurriedly said his name before he moved back in for another kiss. "Alec! Alec!" You said hurriedly, taking his face into your hands. His eyes were a deep red, an improvement from the pitch black ones that met your gaze before but it was clear that Alec was still very much upset, even as his control was gradually returning. "Are you okay?" You asked. Alec swallowed, his stare intense. "Sweetheart, everything is okay." You said weakly, feeling tears begin to build in your throat. "You're the only one that matters." You assured him, stroking his cheek his your thumb.

You needed him to be sure that only Alec mattered to you. Unable to stand even the thought that Alec doubted that. Alec caught sight of your arm and a quiet sound that resembled a whine escaped him. The red marks that streaked down from your elbow to your wrist. Alec began to grow irate, unable to tear his eyes from your arm as he immediately pulled back from you and your hold to grasp your arm. You knew Alec was trying to figure out if he had done that but you couldn't tell him. You didn't know if it had been Alec or your ex when Alec grabbed him with such speed, tearing him from you.

"It's okay." You said to him softly. "I-I didn't even feel it. It was so quick and with everything going on, I didn't even realise what had happened." "Does it hurt?" Alec asked. His voice made it clear that he was grasping at every straw of control he had. All the while his voice tone was slightly higher, almost like whine he was trying to hold back. "It stings a little every now and then but it's honestly just a scratch." That Alec knew. There wasn't any bleeding or even a break of the skin. However that didn't make him any happier about the situation. He exhaled and you barely heard the small whine before Alec pulled your arm to his cold lips, pressing kisses against the scratch. "I'm more concerned about you and if you're okay." You said to him. Whilst you had been told about how angry Alec could get, this had been the first time you had ever witnessed it. Alec's gaze met yours once more. "Kiss me." He said lowly before pressing his lips against yours. You returned the kiss, without any further questions. When he was ready and if he wanted to, he'd say what's on his mind. "Come here." You said to him quietly and he leaned back slightly, allowing you to move up to the pillows on his bed. He followed and you pulled him into your chest. "I'm not going anywhere." You whispered as Alec's eyes fluttered shut, surrounded my your scent. One hand played with his hair, the other across his back. Alec wrapped his own arms around you sliding under your back. Every so often he'd squeeze you that little bit closer to him.

#request #twilight #volturi #the volturi #reader #alec volturi #oneshot #one shot

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sinswithpleasure · 3 years

Text

The Playgirl (ft. LOONA's Yves) [Part 1] [Female Reader]

---------------

This was supposed to be a lengthy oneshot, but I wanna have it out as I write, so... here's Part 1! Just so you know, it's futa!Yves, but I won't really mention it until at least Part 3.

Also, this is entirely female reader!

Can be found on AFF and AO3!

---------------

Everyone knows of Ha Sooyoung.

Most know her by her preferred name Yves, but it is the same either way—the people still have her deeply imprinted in the recesses of their minds. After all, who doesn't know of the campus fuckgirl that only goes for girls?

You are no exception to having knowledge of Sooyoung. After all, she is your seatmate for every class you had, and while she is regularly absent, she is a regular hindrance when present. During lectures, she likes to fling paper balls at unsuspecting classmates, flirt with any female classmate or TA, or play games on her mobile phone loudly. The fact that she is your seatmate only makes it worse, considering she has her feet on the table most of the time.

Now you have to tutor her. The bane of your existence. Ha Sooyoung. Yves. Tutor. Tutor her.

Your look of disbelief meeting your professor's determined gaze melts into a sigh of resignation. You know that no amount of whining or pouting would result in a win for you—Yves had the poorest performance, barely scraping through any of her tests, whereas you aced every test given during your course of study. It would only be natural for you to be tutoring her.

Yves flashes a smirk and wink from the front row of the lecture theatre, giving you a two-fingered salute as the professor leaves.

"Hey, babygirl. Guess you're my new tutor."

"Hi." You cannot help but let bitterness seep into your tone, but you bite down on the bullets you wish to fire.

"You don't seem that happy."

"No, but it's fine. Let's get down to business."

"Uh-uh, not today. I've got a party to get to. How about this, give me your phone."

You hesitantly pass her your phone, and she enters her number in.

"Call me." She flashes another smirk and a wink, pushing her hair back. The phone in your hand displays 'yves 💘'.

-----

When you call Yves, you hear more of the chatter in the background than her voice. However, she is still audible, and that is all you need.

"Hello?"

"Sooyoung. I'll tutor you beginning tomorrow."

"Oh, it's you, babygirl. Sure, see you after class?"

Huh. That was easy.

"Good, please bring along the Calculus textbook—"

Indistinct chatter rings across the line, and you vaguely hear the crowd chanting "Drink! Drink! Drink!" before Yves's voice cuts through the line again.

"Sorry, babygirl, I've got to jet. I ain't gonna win this game of beer pong talkin' to you. See you tomorrow."

Before you can even say anything, the call is cut. You take a deep breath, deciding to let it go. Maybe this would be the only time. After all, innocent until proven guilty, right?

With a long exhale, you throw yourself back into whatever work you were doing.

---------------

When Yves appears after class, she staggers into the classroom, clutching her head.

"Fuck, I shouldn't have drank that much last night."

She crashes on the chair next to you, immediately folding her arms on the table, resting her head on it. Her eyes open blearily when you request for her to take her Calculus textbook out.

"I didn't bring it."

You halt, frustration beginning to build.

"I thought I told you to bring it."

"Well, babygirl, I forgot. Looks like we can't do this today then." Yves rises, staggering towards the door. Repeated calls of her name fall on her deaf ears as she rounds the corner and disappears.

You take a deep breath. Tomorrow.

-----

[You sent a message:]

Yves

Tomorrow, after class.

[yves💘 sent a message:]

Hey babygirl

I've got a party tomorrow.

[You sent a message:]

You're ditching your grades for a party?

A party in the afternoon?

[yves💘 sent a message:]

Come on, live a little, it's fun to cut loose!

Yeah, I need to go set it up.

Wanna come?

[You sent a message:]

I'd rather spend my time productively, thank you. I expect to see you after class. The same place.

-----

Yves is absent again from class. Naturally, she is absent from the tutoring session. Every call you make to her goes unanswered throughout the afternoon.

You hate this. It wasn't as if tutoring her was a choice you made—the professor shunted the task to you, even after all your protests and reasoning for why you shouldn't take the job. The impression that she gives off already isn't anything good, and the fact that she actively is wasting your time only pisses you off even more.

The fact that Yves is your seatmate only adds to the frustration. Her shoes are all up in your face, the sounds of her games in your ears, her paper balls all over your table. Everything she did just pissed you off.

When you reach home, you immediately drop a call to Yves. Three rings of the phone is all it takes before she picks up the phone.

"Hey babygirl."

"Don't babygirl me. Where were you this afternoon?"

"I told you, I had a party."

"So you choose to waste my time?"

"Sorry, babe." The lack of sincerity is evident in her voice. "This is clearly more fun."

"You prioritize fun over your grades? Are you trying to fail?"

"Yo, yo, chill, chill! Cut me some slack! Take it easy. I've got time!"

"The final exams are less than half a year away."

"Precisely." Yves's smirk can be heard through the phone. "I have time."

"I don't. Stop wasting my time. Come tomorrow."

"Oh, fiery. Just my type." Yves chuckles, before she pisses you off even further. "I'll see you, just not tomorrow."

"Why not?"

"I'll be busy nursing my hangover. Ciao." The call is cut.

You growl in frustration, squeezing the pen in your hand tightly. How easily she dismisses you only serves to fuel your anger. How could someone give no shits about their future?

Yves was basically the opposite of what you stood for. To you, school was an obligation—something necessary in order to move forward and succeed. This meant that people had to possess the responsibility to keep to this commitment so they could succeed in life. The future is uncertain, so you should make every effort to ensure that you can forge a path that is as certain as it can be.

Yves, however, treated school like a waste of time. To be out having fun mattered more—life and the future is uncertain, so if she could afford the time to live in the moment, then she would take the time to. Why pressure oneself to engineer perfection when imperfection is how the world runs?

This was a constant argument between the both of you when Yves was present in school. On the days she came, you had to fight to pay attention to your professor since the both of you would argue. You hated having to defend your point of view against her, since she was deeply set in her contrasting view. You hate how carefree she is. How is it that someone can live without worrying that much?

When you let your vision focus, you take a deep breath and go back to your work.

---------------

You are ten minutes early for class. Chatter fills the classroom as per usual. When you reach your seat, your ears perk up at a familiar name.

"... you hear Yves took her home last night?"

"... sex … fucked her the whole night … best time of her life …"

You scowl. Even when she wasn't present, you had to hear about her, and even worse, her womanizing and hedonistic lifestyle. Who cares about her?

"Good morning, babygirl."

The bane of your existence appears before your very eyes, leaning over your desk with her signature smirk. You give her a glare, but not before you fail to resist checking her out.

Yes, she is admittedly hot. But insufferable. But hot. Facts are facts.

Her hair slicked back, check. Leather jacket, check. Fishnets and crop top fitting her… appealing chest, check. Tight pants that fit her figure, check. Fuck, she looks so good.

"My eyes are up here." Yves pushes your head up to meet her gaze with a finger. The smug smirk on her face makes you want to slap it off her. "If you want me, all you have to do is ask."

"Why're you here?"

"Someone who places such importance in school doesn't want her seatmate present? I'm hurt, babe."

"Fuck off. Don't touch me." You shift away from her touch, and Yves grins.

"I came to see you, my favourite tutor. You're interesting."

"Put that interest in your studies."

"No, I don't think I will, not when you're this pretty."

You try to fight the blush that appears on your face, but it seems that you fail—Yves's cocky grin only gets bigger when she reclines in her chair, resting her feet on the table.

This is your second year with Yves as a seatmate. The girl next to you somehow managed to scrape past first year, and now here she is, staring at you with an amused smirk, annoying you just as she had since Day 1.

"Y'know, I mean it when I say you're pretty."

"Thank you." You grit your teeth, though how red your face remains betrays your hidden feelings. After all, girls don't really compliment you that often, let alone a hot one like Yves is.

"Mm, you're welcome." Yves smiles, resting her head on her chair. "I'll depend on your tutoring, babygirl. Goodnight."

"You're going to sleep?"

"Yep. I'll just listen attentively to you later, cutie."

"I would prefer it if you paid attention now."

"What, and stare at the prof's ugly mug? Why would I do that when I can take the time to stare at your beautiful face instead?"

"Fuck off."

"Ooh, you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Yves's grin shows how little offense she takes at your rebuttal. "I like you, baby."

You decide to ignore Yves. Ignore how she easily infuriates you. Ignore how hot she is. Ignore the compliments that make heat rise from your cheeks and neck.

Insufferable.

-----

Yves takes a long time to rise from her slumber. You try to shake her, but Yves remains steadfastly asleep on her chair.

"Yves. Wake up."

"Mmnnngggh."

"Wake up, wake up."

"Five more minutes."

"No." You heave a sigh. "Wake. Up."

"Fine, fine, babygirl. You're such a killjoy."

"Do not 'babygirl' me. Let's start."

You pull out your Calculus textbook. Yves halfheartedly pulls hers out as well, and you flip both books to a summary exercise.

"Do these. I need to know your current ability."

"Only because you're pretty, babygirl." Yves picks up her pen, beginning to work on the questions.

-----

"How are you getting all these wrong?"

Your tutee shrugs, leaning back on her chair. "Who cares?"

"I do! You're going to fail."

"Aw babygirl, you do care about me."

"Shut the fuck up. There's so much work I need to do with you."

"Meh, whatever." Yves stretches in her chair, leaning back to close her eyes. "Do your magic, tutor. Teach me."

"Fine. Let's begin."

-----

Both you and Yves part ways at the gate of the campus. After a tense session involving multiple arguments when Yves used more of her phone than to attempt learning anything you were teaching, or when she started to look up girls on Tinder, you gave up and halted the session.

"See you soon, babygirl."

"Fuck you."

"Anytime, babe. You just have to ask."

"Fuck off."

"Calm down. It's not like we don't have time."

"We don't."

"Not with that attitude."

"Fuck your attitude."

Yves only grins when she hears your reply.

---------------

Another tutoring session, another Yves absence. This time, when you call her, you're met with the obscene sounds of Yves engaging in sexual intercourse.

"Hey babygirl."

"Yves. Where are—huh?"

Wet smacks echo loudly through the speaker on your phone. Someone moans on the other side. Regular thumps ring through your speakers.

"I'm a little busy now, baby."

"Wha—what the fuck?"

"As you can hear, I'm busy fucking someone. Bye."

The dial tone that enters your ears almost makes you smash your phone on the table to pieces. You instead settle on smashing your fist against the table instead.

This is the last straw.

-----

The next time you see Yves, you pin her against the wall. Taken by surprise, Yves finds herself in a position she usually puts others into. Smirking, she relents.

"Didn't take you to be so forward."

"This is the last fucking time I'm taking your shit. I've had it with your constant excuses about parties, or whatever. Now, you choose to go fuck some bitch even when you know you have stuff to do. I'm fucking done. I quit."

"Come on, don't be like that, baby." Yves's cocky grin widens. "Maybe I need some more motivation."

"If having your life planned out isn't motivating enough, nothing will work."

"Oh, but I had this wonderful idea…"

You resist taking the bait, but having Yves pinned against the wall fucks with your judgement.

"What?"

Today, Yves is clad in all black leather. Whatever she's wearing doesn't catch your eye—the fact that your face is so close to Yves's flusters you. The same slicked back hair, scarlet lipstick across her kissable lips, a cocky glint in her eye, catching your gaze before traveling down to your lips, then below…

"I've seen the way you look at me, babygirl. You say you hate me, but all I see in your eyes is lust right now. You want me so bad, don't you?"

"Sh-shut the fuck up." You curse at the slight stutter.

"So how about this? I'll be the best student you'll ever have, and if I ace the exams at the end of the year… hmm."

Yves lets her voice trail off, knowing she has your full attention.

"What the fuck do you want?'

"If I ace the exams, I get to fuck you."

You cannot believe your ears.

"What?"

"I said what I said. I'll be the best student you'll have. I'll ace the exams. And when I do, you'll sleep with me."

"Why the fuck would I say yes to that?"

In an instant, Yves flips you around. Your back is now against the wall, your arms held against your will, held down by Yves's grip. Yves leans in.

"Because you think I'm hot."

You subconsciously lean in when you feel her hot breath on your lips, and Yves leans in as well. Something soft presses against your lips. Instantly, she is off you, smirking.

"See you around babygirl. Don't think about me too much."

So you agree.

#kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #loona yves #ha sooyoung #loona fanfiction

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therealvinelle · 3 years

Note

How do u think Alice and Rosalie’s relationship is?

Not close.

This is one of those metas where I don't have to guess, because Rosalie says it herself in this outtake from Meyer's website. For reference, she's contemplating her phone call to Edward, and the reasons why she called:

I might as well be honest with myself, because Edward would see every bit of pettiness in my decision as soon as he got home. Might as well acknowledge my bad motives, accept them now.

Yes, I was jealous of the way Alice felt about Bella. Would Alice have raced off so rashly, so wild with panic, if it had been me she’d seen jumping off a cliff? Did she have to love that commonplace human girl so much more than me?

But that jealousy was just a small thing.

(For the record, that "Edward would see every bit of the pettiness in my decision" line - good god, let it never be said this girl has good self esteem.)

Alice openly prefers Bella to Rosalie, she makes Bella her best friend based on visions (which, to be sure, is simply how Alice works), and devotes herself entirely to being BFFs with Bella. She's attentive, takes the initiative, never runs out of enthusiasm where Bella is concerned.

In Midnight Sun, Alice is blatant about this. Bella is to be her friend, her very best friend in this world, someone she has longed for. She loves her already, why hasn't Edward introduced them yet, Bella Bella Bella-

Bella is very much going to be a novelty in Alice's life. Bella is the sister and friend Alice wants and delights in.

Rosalie is not. And Rosalie knows it. Sixty years together, and they never got as close as Alice got to Bella in just a few months of knowing her.

It's very clearly one-sided, too, this jealousy and desire for closeness on Rosalie's end. Alice makes it clear she's not interested in Rosalie beyond getting along because they're in the same coven.

Again, the outtake is depressingly helpful here.

Alice calls the house phone, Rosalie picks up. What proceeds it a tense conversations where Alice tells Rosalie that Edward is going to kill himself, and Rosalie, faced with the prospect of losing her brother, succumbs to despair. Alice shows zero empathy:

“I—I didn’t mean it like that, Alice! I just wanted him to come home!” My voice was almost a howl.

“It’s a bit late for that, Rose,” Alice said, harder and colder than before. “Save your remorse for someone who believes it.”

I'd be lenient because Alice is also on the verge of losing her brother, and it's human (heh.) nature to not always react appropriately to that. Taking her fear and worry for Edward out on Rosalie is regrettable, but not necessarily representative of how Alice treats and regards Rosalie on the regular.

However, when they get back from Volterra, Edward is fine. They're all fine, everything turned out well, there was a happy ending. Alice can safely lower her shoulders, and let Rosalie know they're fine.

Instead- well, Alice and Rosalie don't interact in the reunion scene, instead it's Edward piling crap on Rosalie while Emmett jokes that Bella forgiving her doesn't count because Bella's half asleep. But it speaks of a family dynamic where Rosalie's a bitch and it's okay to treat her accordingly, which, combined with everything we know about Alice, makes me feel pretty confident in guessing she never apologized for her words.

Not once in canon, not to my recollection anyway, do we see them have a sisterly moment. Alice never brings Rosalie along on a shopping trip with Bella (or pouts because Rosalie didn't want to go), they never sit together just to talk about anything, Alice never plays Barbie Rosalie.

Do they do things together every so often, yes, that's canon, Alice designs dresses for her and they made a photo album of Renesmée together. That's it. However, that merely means that two people living under the same roof sometimes do things together when it's a hobby they share. More, fashion is Alice's passion. Designing clothes for Rosalie isn't necessarily about Rosalie the person. And Renesmée's album, again, just means they both wanted to do a thing.

There's no instance of them seeking each other out for the sake of company.

So, no, I don't think Rosalie and Alice are close. At all.

I think Rosalie would love to be, has probably made a few overtures over the years, at least in the early ones, none of which can succeed when she on a very fundamental level is not a person Alice is interested in as friend.

Alice, on her end, tolerates Rosalie.

#rosalie hale #alice cullen #alice & rosalie #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance

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delu-jean · 3 years

Text

𝐉𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲 𝐎𝐫 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲?

(Hawks x fem!/reader) -> Mostly Fluff -> 1.4k

Synopsis: You and Hawks decide to go out for a date. He’s running a little late, and you’re alone for a bit. You end up meeting a close friend of yours, and Hawks isn’t very pleased.

Notes: Might be a little angsty/sad after hearing about his insecurities? Other than that, I would say this os is kind of fluffy. Hope you like it ^^

It was the day you were looking forward to (since the beginning of the week at least). The day where you and Keigo would finally go out. It’s been at least two months since you last talked to him. He was busy with his job, and you, with university. It saddened you that you both were separated by your choice in career. Him a hero, and you, an accountant. It may have sounded boring compared to his extravagant job, but it was one you found enjoyable.

Keigo texted you a couple days in advance, saying that he wanted to take you out. Of course you had agreed, and here you were, now at the mall waiting for him to arrive. You both planned to go shopping for a bit, and then watch a movie. Maybe go on a short stroll and part ways after. You made sure to fix up your appearance for once, knowing you might not be able to see him for sometime after. Plus, you wanted to make sure that you could make the best of things with the time given.

You waited for about ten minutes. Not thinking much about it, you decided to play on your phone, scroll through your socials, and do whatever you could to distract yourself. It worked for a while...until you found yourself looking at your phone for the next hour. You happened to scroll onto a post talking about Keigo at an interview.

‘I thought he said he was free today…’ you sighed and put your phone away.

You then got up from your seat. Though he doesn’t stand you up as often as he meets you, it still sucked knowing that you both barely met. This was the first time in two months, would you have to wait another three?...four even? You decided not to think too much about it, after all, you understood and respected Keigo’s schedule.

‘I guess I’ll get going now-’

“L/n?” you looked up to see a very familiar face.

“Watarou? What are you doing here?”

“I’m just strolling around haha. I just got back from America, and decided to do a little bit of shopping. You?”

“Oh...I’m...or rather, I was waiting for my boyfriend. He’s a little late though...so I think I’m going to get going.”

Watarou took note of your disappointment, and based on what he knew (about you), he thought about what would cheer you up.

“Hey...if you don’t mind, we should go and get some crepes. My treat.”

“Really!?”

“Really, like old times.”

---

Hawks arrived about an hour later. He felt super guilty that he wasn’t able to see you at the time he promised, but duty called when it needed to. He also knew you understood his schedule and was grateful for that. He was very, very thankful for it. Reason being, one thing that Hawks had always been insecure about, was his lifestyle in general.

He was constantly doing something, whether that be hero work, interviews, promotions, and so much more. That being the case, whenever he tried making relationships work, they’d always end with “why are you so busy?”, “can’t you try to make some time for me?” He tried doing his best, but things would always end because of that. But when he met you, things had changed.

Although he was a little reluctant, and it took a while to convince him, he ultimately knew you were someone who did respect his time. So because of that, he made sure to make your sessions special, to show the appreciation he had for you. Because of this, he always made sure to be on time. Rushing out of his work so he could sprint to you. So when he was late, he’d feel horrible for making you wait, secretly having thoughts about traumatic past experiences.

“Where is she?”

He tried calling only to realize your phone had died, it immediately sent him to voicemail. He was getting anxious at this point, maybe you went home? But then, you would’ve had a charger?...maybe it broke? He then looked around catching a glimpse of your hair...and what seemed to be like...another person.

He started to stride towards you. Just who exactly were you with? He then gazed as the two of you ate crepes together. You seemed to be enjoying your time with him while you both conversed. Hawks on the other hand, was not. Though he was fine with you having friends...your interaction seemed to be a little “too friendly.” He continued to watch from behind, and saw as he then slid something over.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a bracelet...do you like it?”

“It looks gorgeous!” you looked in awe as the gentlemen smiled.

“I’m glad you do. I’ve been trying to get the right gift for a while now.”

“Who wouldn’t like it? I can tell you put a lot of effort into it,” he then put his hand on the box as you continued eating your crepes.

Hawks had seen enough. To see someone give you that type of attention, whether he was a friend or not, didn’t sit right with him. Not only that, but it really hurt seeing someone else was treating you better than him (in his eyes at least). Regardless of who he was, Keigo was your boyfriend, and that being the case, should’ve been trying harder.

He then approached the both of you, and gave a cold stare to Watarou. Watarou seemed a little uneasy with the exchange, while you were thrilled to see Hawks. You got up and wrapped your arms around his torso, hugging him tightly as his hands stood at his side.

“Keigo! You’re here!’

“Were you having fun?...” he said, agitated as you then realized what was going on.

“Oh Keigo...I never knew you’d get jealous over something like this.”

“What!? What do you mean!?”

“Watarou, this is Keigo. Keigo, Watarou.”

“Nice to meet you man,” Watarou said as he gave his hand.

“Yeah...same here…” Hawks said while feeling uncertain.

“Watarou was just helping me kill time, it’s been a while since we last got together, so we took advantage of it while you finished your duties.”

‘So they’ve known each other for a while.’

“Yeah...I hope you don’t mind. I took her for crepes and we talked for a bit.”

“What about the bracelet?” Keigo would ask bluntly as he then said:

“Oh, I was asking for Y/n’s opinion. I’m gifting it to my sister, and since they have similar taste, I wanted her input on things. I’m glad they’re good.”

“Ahh...I see.”

“Well, I’m going to head out. I’ll see you both sometime, I have about two weeks left? So see you then!”

“Bye Watarou!” you waved as he exited the mall.

Keigo then realised as to why he was so irritated. It wasn’t that you had done wrong, no, he trusted that you were loyal. It was that his insecurities got the best of him, which threw him off. He was upset that such feelings got him acting so petty, especially towards someone who had done nothing wrong. Knowing this, he knew what he needed to do. He sighed to then look you in the eye. You still a little confused, he then apologized, saying:

“Dove...I’m sorry…”

“Sorry for what?”

“It’s just that...I was so caught up in my insecurities...that I assumed you were doing wrong…”

“Oh…” you weren’t going to lie, you were a little disappointed. Why would he even think that, after all your time together?...but then, you also understood his past and whatnot. Still, it bothered you to say the least.

“I’m sorry for that...along with not showing up on time. I tried my best to come, but I guess, Watarou beat me to it haha. Not in a bad way of course, I’m just grateful you had some company while I was on my way.”

“I guess so, but Keigo.”

“Hm?”

“You know, you won’t ever have to worry about that kind of thing. Even though I'm a little hurt by your assumption, I get why and will let it slide for this time,” he smiled and then grabbed your hand.

“Mhm, love you,” he pecked your cheek as your hands intertwined.

“Silly, I’d only fall for your chicken-like charms.”

“Aww, why not my Hawkish charms? Sharp, daring, handsome?” he winked as you shook your head.

“Because a chicken is vulnerable, soft, cute, and gives me loads of egg,” you then stared at his wallet as he rolled his eyes (playfully).

“Okay okay fine, let’s go catch that movie,” he sighed as you laughed.

“Sounds good to me!”

#hawks x reader #hawks #boku no hero academia hawks #hawks x you #keigo x reader #keigo x y/n #keigo tamaki #keigo #keigo x female reader #keigo fluff #jelly birdo #luv this man #called ya dove ;)#mha #my hero academia #mha x reader #mha x you #my hero academy fanfiction

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yasminbenoit · 4 years

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What Is Asexuality? Yasmin Benoit for Teen Vogue

For Asexuality Awareness Week, model Yasmin Benoit answers the question ‘what is asexuality’, and busts some common myths about what it means to be asexual.

I realized I was asexual around the same time my peers seemed to realize that they were not. Once the hormones kicked in, so did a nearly universal interest in sex for those around me. I thought sex was intriguing, but never so much that I wanted to express my sexuality with someone else. I had no sexual desire towards other people, I did not experience sexual attraction, and that hasn't changed.

I didn't learn that there was a word for my sexuality until I was 15, after being interrogated for the millionth time at school about my orientation, or lack of it. After doing some Googling as soon as I got home, I realized for the first time in my life that I might not be broken, that I wasn't alone in my experience, and that it wasn't a defect I had somehow brought on myself. I had spent the entirety of my adolescent life trying to answer people's invasive questions without having the language to explain that I was just an asexual girl.

But even after I found the language, I had only solved half of the problem. We are taught in grade school that we'll become sexually interested in others, but never that not being sexually attracted to anyone is an option. Because we're not taught about it, no one else knew what I was talking about when I tried to come out to them as asexual.

Many don't believe asexuality is real, and that makes the experience of navigating our heteronormative, hyper-sexualized society as an asexual person even harder. I've spent my life battling misconceptions about it and so have many other asexual people. Now, I try to use my work as a model and activist to raise awareness and change the way our society perceives asexuality and asexual people. This Asexual Awareness Week, I'm busting some of those myths about my orientation.

Now, let's separate fact from fiction:

Myth: Asexual people have no sexuality ✘

Truth: Asexuality is considered a sexuality, just like bisexuality, heterosexuality, and homosexuality. I often phrase it as being a sexual orientation where your sexuality isn’t oriented anywhere—because it isn't actually the same as having no sexuality or sexual feelings. Asexual people have hormones like everyone else. It isn’t uncommon for asexual people to masturbate and there are asexual people who still have sex for various reasons and gain enjoyment from it. Some asexual people are romantically attracted to others, but not sexually attracted. Since asexuality is a spectrum, the ways in which asexuality is experienced can vary in different ways.

Myth: Asexuality is a lifestyle choice ✘

Truth: This misconception stems from the idea that asexuality is a choice and not a legitimate sexual orientation. Asexuality is often confused with celibacy or abstinence, probably because they can manifest in similar ways. In contemporary society, celibacy is often defined as being sexually abstinent, often for religious reasons. Sure, for many asexual people, their asexuality means that they aren’t interested in having sex with other people, but that’s a result of their orientation—not their beliefs about sexual behavior. Celibacy is a lifestyle choice, asexuality is not. Asexuality also shouldn't be confused with being an incel. People don't decide to become asexual because they can't find sexual partners or because of any other circumstances. It isn't a state of being when you're going through a "dry spell," nor is it a choice any more than being gay or straight is a choice. It's just the way we are.\

Myth: Asexuality is an illness ✘

Truth: The assertion that asexuality is a mental or physical disorder is incredibly harmful to asexual people and has led to false diagnoses, unnecessary medication, and attempts at converting asexual people. For example, Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder and Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder — which are characterized by low or absent sex drive — are in the DSM-5 and have been thought of as a medical diagnosis for asexuality. But the difference is that people who have HSDD are bothered by their lack of sexual drive, while asexual people are not. But even the inclusion of HSDD as a diagnosis is controversial — some argue that people who are asexual might feel distress at their lack of sexual desire because of lack of acceptance in society. Asexuality is not the result of a hormone deficiency, or a syndrome, or a physical or psychological ailment. Research has said as much. We don't need to be treated or fixed.

Myth: Asexual people have anti-sex attitudes ✘

Truth: There are asexual people who are repulsed by the thought of sex, or by the thought of having sex themselves. I fall into the latter category. However, that feeling does not necessarily extend to what other people are doing. The misconception that asexual people are against other people expressing their sexuality, and that all asexual people can’t stomach conversations about sex, is quite an alienating one. It leads to asexual people being left out of important discussions about sexuality. It is entirely possible and incredibly common to have sex-positive attitudes and be asexual.

Myth: There are barely any asexual people ✘

Truth: Don't let our lack of visibility and representation fool you. There are a lot of asexual people out there, but many of us aren't entirely out, and some haven't realized that there's a word for what they're experiencing due to that lack of visibility. While research into the asexual population is lacking, its estimated that around 1% of the population is asexual—but that's based on a studies where the participants have likely known what asexuality was and been out enough to identify that way. It's likely there are more asexual people than we know of, but even if we did only comprise 1% of the population, that's still tens of millions of asexual people.

Myth: Asexual people just haven’t found the right person yet ✘

Truth: The idea that asexual people just need to meet the ‘right person’ who will unlock their sexual desire and ‘fix’ their asexuality is one I’ve always found quite perplexing. It’s an argument that seems to be applied to asexuality more than other orientations. You wouldn’t tell a straight guy that they just “hadn’t met the right man yet" as an explanation of why he's attracted to women. I’d like to think that most wouldn’t tell a gay man that they “hadn’t met the right woman yet” either. It suggests that our sexuality is reflective of our company, that no one we have ever seen or encountered has met our standards, and thus we haven’t experienced sexual attraction to the extent that the term ‘asexual’ could be applied.

This assumption ignores and invalidates all of the asexual people who have found the ‘right’ person—the asexual people in happy, fulfilling, loving relationships or who have had them in the past. Because, yes, asexual people can still have romantic relationships, or any other kind of relationship. The validity of a relationship is not and should not be based on how sexually attracted you are to that person. This statement also plays into the notion that asexual people are “missing out” on something and haven’t truly discovered our entire selves, that we are incomplete because of our innate characteristics or our life experiences. This isn’t true either.\

Myth: There’s an asexual demographic ✘

Truth: Even though most people don’t know much about asexuality, they still have quite a specific idea about what asexual people are like. I’ve often heard that, as a black woman and a model, I don’t look or seem asexual. We’re stereotyped as being awkward white kids who spend too much time on social media and probably aren’t attractive enough to find a sexual partner if we wanted to. And if we are attractive enough, then we should tone that down as not to ‘give mixed signals.’ But there is no asexual way to look or dress. Asexual people have varying ages, backgrounds, interests, appearances, and experiences, just like those belonging to any other sexual orientation. So please don't use the term "asexual" as an adjective to describe someone you think is sexually unappealing or as an insult, because that's only perpetuating this harmful stereotype.

Makeup: Margherita Lascala

Photography: Becky Gannon

Hair: Kayla Idowu

Styling: Diesel, Cheimsee, Sixth June, Northskull, Lamoda

#yasmin benoit #asexuality #ace week #ace week 2020 #asexual awareness week #asexual #aromantic #lgbt #pride #asexual pride #this is what asexual looks like #lgbtqia #lgbtqa #acephobia #aphobia #alternative black girl #alternative model #black model

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douxie-casperan · 3 years

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Rise of the Titans and the assassination Hisirdoux Casperan’s character development

I’ve been ranting so much since Wednesday morning that I finally condensed by thoughts of WHY this one subject keeps setting me off namely the utterly diabolical way they handled Douxie and Archie’s relationship in Rise of the Titans and how it wasn’t just enough to hit him with the nerf bat.

Please note I’m at the point where I literally cannot tell the difference between Aaron headcanons, Teny headcanons and my own they are all mixed together in the blender that does funky things. I also apologise for typo/weird wording it’s half 1 in the morning and I’d rather sleep than edit.

If asked to sum up Hisirdoux Casperan there are certainly several things that come to mind:

Sees the value in people as a whole and will find do anything if there is a chance of help someone out

Prefers tactics that disable/banish rather than kill an enemy yet willing and able to pull the trigger if circumstances become forced

While not academically inclined he is very capable of thinking on his feet and outside the box calling back to his time on the streets where a split-second decision making is the difference between being caught and not

Terrible at planning he’ll be in there figuring it out as he goes along which is what makes the previous point so vital to literally how he goes through life

A natural charmer that would let him talk his way out of trouble 9/10 providing a perfect cover for his distrustful nature and reluctance to be touched by random people

Very down to earth, humble and never one to brag unless outright sassing someone

Will bang out some hot tunes at the drop of a hat, his love of music has never wavered once since he caught the bug despite instrument hopping ironically becoming a jack of all trades much like his magic style

The earliest memories he can recall are him as a young boy lost in the woods where he was for an unknown amount of time before his soon to be familiar finds him amongst the roots covered in dirt and drying tears, there is nothing before that. Unbeknownst to him is the colour of his magic matches the blue of a lost mother’s eyes and the song that haunts his nightmares as much as fire could well be hers though there is no way to be sure. From that moment on Archibald, shortened to Archie, would become his entire world and their friendship only becoming closer during the years they prowled Camelot together trying to keep themselves in one piece until the fateful day Douxie tricks the wrong person leading him straight into the path of the famous wizard Merlin Ambrosius.

It's no real secret that Merlin is a very closed off person who keeps his emotions as well guarded as his secrets, prefers the style of negative reinforcement over positive encouragement and is a very strict perfectionist in his. At this point in his life he can be very easily described as a disaster that is genuinely doing his best with every little mistake held of his head and his future self when brought back to that time period is belittled by Lancelot (Errand boy) and Arthur (Boy) too meaning it’s hardly a wonder his confidence was very fragile revelling in the times where he could do things without being told off for it. With Morgana largely ignoring him too (Though personally I like to think as he got older she’d occasionally take an interest until the blistering arguments with their master started to talk over daily life) a certain disguised dragon would have remained a lifeline and give that physical affection he craved much like being told he’d done well never seemed able to earn.

With Killahead he’d lose that home and family he made leaving just the two of them behind struggling to figure out their place in the world that had abandoned them.

There wouldn’t have been the words for it back then but the way he had been treated prior was outright abusive instilling very bad habits into Douxie yet by irony he was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and help those in trouble without thinking earning a reputation as the Shepard of Fire. He refused to become like him seeking to be better, perhaps not as a wizard (Even though he was learning new charms and spells along the way) but certainly as a person. Despite everything he suffers through or witnesses in the intervening years, the loss of friends and kindling of far newer ones he never loses his good heart

That said is it any wonder that after rightfully sassing Merlin for resurfacing, ignoring his existence despite being in the same town and only visiting him to run a finding errand that all the confidence he’d managed to build completely from scratch after Camelot wavered causing him to fall back solely into trying impressing his old Master who was acting like his humble apprentice must have coasted the past few centuries who himself fell back into old habits of belittling? It’s only when Merlin started to truly listen and acknowledge that this was not the same Moppet he once knew after Excalibur was fixed that their relationship finally started to become more like equals. After the defeat of Janus the changeling that broke into the castle he touched Douxie’s shoulder with a genuine smile and for a second he simply didn’t know what to do because the old man never did this before his brain kicked into gear and realised he’d finally earned that one thing he’d been so desperate for his entire life: That in Merlin’s eyes he could be more than a failure who only caused problems for the closest thing to a father figure he’d ever had, never solved them.

A staff will be earned, history would be set back on trap by banishing Morgana tag teaming with Archie because they know one another inside and out, as promised he’d get the kids back to the present but soon after things would go badly wrong. They’d lose Jim and because of his very nature he’d make a gamble to try and get him back because that life is worth trying for just for in a moment of surprising selflessness Merlin would be sacrificed to save him. The only constant in his life apart from Archie would apologise, openly express pride and how the greatest thing he’d ever done was saving this orphan, call him son for the first and final time before turning into ash in his arms. There would be no time to grieve for things will barrel into the crescendo of Douxie sacrificing his own life to buy everyone time to escape because if they did that everything he’d ever done would be worth it with one last whispered goodbye.

(Zoe sees him fall, so does Archie – His heart would break if he was conscious just like theirs does when his body crumples into the ground)

On the very fringes of the Light Realm he is gifted one more conversation with Merlin in a truly heart-breaking sequence (THANKS TENY) where they can just talk without any fear of consequence or politics and just be completely honest. Douxie is allowed to stand equal to Merlin, to have the hug he’d needed since he was a child and be allowed to simply let go of every pretense and cry his heart out because this can never happen again. He’s allowed to say goodbye to both his master and Morgana who had both shaped so very much of his life but like the painting he’d always remained firmly in the long shadows of until that moment.

When Hisirdoux Casperan finally leaves Wizards if we just accidently deliberately put the shawarma back in along with checking in with Zoe before departure, it is with having learned to live during his wandering years but this is the point of true freedom because he can finally escape into his own light with Archie by his side to keep Nari out of the hands of those that would see the world harmed. It won’t be easy but it feels possible somehow even with the knowledge everything is simply running on borrowed time.

Then Rise of the Titans happens.

At first everything is genuinely fine! No more running, they engineer a solution shut the Order’s magic down to make them a lot less dangerous and potentially at least incapacitate them until they can come up with a longer-term solution but all the best laid plans and all that. Douxie’s quick thinking stops the train from crushing any of the people below and it’s a very him style move to switch places with Nari to stall for time because for some reason the plot disabled Claire from portaling her or any of the threatened people/heroes to safety. He openly sasses the Order despite knowing the consequences will be bad for him because once again he’s managed to trick them, buy time that at the other end isn’t even slightly utilised until he’s forced back into his own body in excruciating pain. Archie immediately mobs him with comfort just as he has done every single time the wizard is distressed or collapsed with exhaustion without thinking because that is what their bond is like, incredibly close and far more than the Soul Bond mark that connects them together. They’re very alike in that regard, you have to earn the right to touch while equally knowing exactly what form the other needs the most in that precise moment in a way very few others could.

Bar the moment of figuring out that an illusion is in place to hide where the Order is opening the Genesis Seals and the brief insistence on reconnecting with Nari somehow Douxie manages to forget everything that makes him who he is after this point choosing to stand in the background being very no thoughts head empty or can only use the most basic spells of his youthful days not the seasoned master wizard he should be. Nomura is treated like an innocent slip rather than an outright death he did absolutely nothing to prevent (Not to mention the stupid daytime thing) nor seems to care particularly about afterwards yet with Nari’s he’s allowed to openly grieve in a gorgeously animated visual showing how he’d failed to keep her safe despite everything. He did nothing to help here either mind despite allowing himself to be tortured in the same piece of media to keep her safe, just watched another loss happen right in front of his eyes in his conga long line of them.

Then there’s Archie, oh god then there was Archie.

The dragon who even here he’d been shown to have an incredibly close bond with him decides you know what sod that tell him goodbye I’m going to make a joke about having a kingdom now dad and me are trapped in here forever. Douxie on his part looked sad for all of three seconds saying that he hoped he’s happy like it's a pet that wandered out into the world one day and never came back instead of a lifelong companion that has been there for as long as he can remember. He was now completely alone in the world since Zoe was also written out entirely and because every bit of his background had been forgotten about it somehow meant nothing. This wasn’t “I know you miss him, I know you need to grieve but you are running out of time” moment like things had been with Charlie, this was “cool shapeshifting dragon cat is now stuck in a plot hole that’s a shame” with zero pay off or any of the genuine reaction that should have been there or hell even trying to Ohana him back that very second because it never should have happened in the first place. Then even this wasn’t enough somehow, they managed to de-power Douxie even further into uselessness bar the (Admittedly nifty!) sticky feet stunt, the one who fought Skrael and Bellroc to a stalemate was shunted aside with barely a thought and his head would somehow get even emptier.

The one person who knew the danger of time magic the most stood by and said nothing.

The one person who would suffer the most by a reset because the lynchpin to his issues would be asleep if you got it wrong and should have drilled it into Jim’s head the best time to aim for stood by and said nothing.

The one person who had just suffered the loss of his familiar, best friend and only family along with the almost sister like Nari stood by and said nothing.

Then to add further insult to injury the caption when Douxie and Archie is shown says Some go their entire lives living an existence of quiet desperation because every drop of his character growth, his ability to finally start addressing his trauma instilled back in the 12th century, the staff he longed for was instead openly mocked by going “Aww he got his cat friend back how nice!” Everything he’d rightfully earned and had now would be unable to progress until certain criteria are met because it hinges entirely on the Trollhunter going to Merlin’s tomb and there’s only so much your support network of two (One if she’s written out) can do, the root of the majority of his issues all stem from one man.

And this folks is why I’ve been going on multiple rants about Douxie in particular, everyone was hit with the out of character bat to some degree in this film but when they came for him they didn’t just stop after they took his legs out because they wanted him to suffer from something he’s never had any control over to begin with all over again. Abuse survivors deserve better, these characters deserve better and we as viewers deserve far far better writing than we were forced to endure.

#Ooc - Behind the curtains #Rise of the Titans #Rise of the Titans spoilers #RotT Spoilers #RoT spoilers #Wizards #Tales of Arcadia #ToAWizards #Hisirdoux Casperan #Douxie Casperan

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asmo-baby5 · 3 years

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Asking First

MC asks the brother and undateables on a date first before they can.

Lucifer-

��is very pissed MC asked first because now he somehow has to relinquish control over the date to them.

•His pride is seriously hurt because how dare a human ask him on a date first?

•he was planning on asking them at the same time, he was just too slow....

•stays cool and composed as he obviously accepts their offer.

•has to play one of his records at full volume in his room later to settle down.

•Despite somehow coming to terms with the fact MC planned everything and wouldn't tell him a single detail, he takes charge of the date.

•he covers all bills and leads the way despite the fact he technically shouldn't know where MC was headed next.

•he's the right hand of Lord Diavolo for a reason, he knows everything.

Mammon-

•"Hey now, Human, the Great Mammon is supposed to ask ya first!"

•outwardly pissy and upset MC asked him first.

•inwardly freaking out because MC ASKED HIM FIRST.

•Unfortunately his bright red blush causes all of his sharp words to become dull.

•MC finds it incredibly endearing he's so upset they asked first.

•they still take complete control and won't tell Mammon a thing about the date until the day of.

•the anticipation drives him crazy and he goes on a spending spree right before to blow off some anxiety.

•gets in trouble with Lucifer and almost has to miss the date, but is granted permission to go because MC stood up for him.

•is still incredibly pissy they won't tell him anything but is incredibly into the secrecy.

Levi-

•A mess.

•Just a complete stuttering and blushing mess.

•"theres no way youd want to go out with a yucky shut-in Otaku like me."

•will try to shut down the idea entirely because he believes MC is making fun of him.

•immediately changes his mind when MC gets upset he'd even think of them like that.

•has to know every little detail of the date so he can mentally prepare.

•MC is very supportive and gives him every detail he asks for, most times more than one.

•he is on edge in the days leading up to the date and can't sit still the day of.

•can't game cause he can't sit still that long and can't watch anime cause he can't focus on the words.

Satan-

•Loves the idea.

•The two normally alternate who prepares the date anyway so nothing gets boring or predictable.

•he has absolutely no problem with MC asking first either.

•fully trusts them to prepare an entertaining and productive day for the two of them.

•spends the days leading up to it trying to reason out where MC could be planning on going.

•never ever gets it right because MC knows what he's thinking and if he had managed to get it right they will change it last minute to keep him on his toes.

•he adores them for making sure to keep him engaged yet docile for the entire day.

Asmo-

•He is, of course, used to being asked on dates all the time, but its actually the first time MC has ever asked him first.

•its an understatement to say he's elated.

•offers to help plan the date.

•pouts when MC insists it is a day where they will completely treat him and he is not allowed to treat them.

•spends the days leading up to the date trying to convince MC to let him pamper them too.

•they keep refusing.

•he decides to make the time after the date ends his time to pamper them because then they can't complain or resist.

•if MC ever takes control of their dates again he always make sure to have something prepared for after to thank them for loving him so fully.

Beel-

•of course!

•could not be more excited!

•does not think much of MC asking first until he realizes that their dates usually consist of major restaurant visits and he is the one to always pay because he asks them out first.

•frets every single day up to the date because he doesn't want MC to spend so much money on him but he also doesn't want to butt into their date plans and make them mad.

•he tries to eat more a few days before so he'll maybe eat less on the day of.

•he even almost enlists Belphie to sneakily check MC's wallet and make sure they have enough grimm to cover the large bills they will inevitably have.

•almost cries from relief when he finds out MC had a major savings account filled with extra grimm from their part time job. It had more than enough to cover his many large meals.

Belphie-

•its not like its the first time, he rarely asks first anyway.

•MC's dates are always the best, even if they are very similar each time.

•they know exactly what he likes and knows that he doesn't tend to like a lot of change so they stick with what works.

•almost always an evening date so he can sleep all day and maybe have some energy for it.

•evening dates also let's them both fall asleep against each other without being scolded for sleeping so early.

•the date is never too far from home so whoever fell asleep first (more often than not that being Belphie) can be carried back without exerting too much energy themself.

Diavolo-

•too excited.

•can hardly contain himself and almost kills MC in a bone crushing bear hug from his excitement.

•he finally had a free day and spending that day with his favorite human ever sounded amazing.

•and he didnt need to prepare anything for it at all?

•perfection.

•will be a ball of sunshine for the whole time leading up to it so MC wouldn't change their mind.

•works extra fast and hard so he can get all of his work done in preparation for the date.

•overworks himself and the date ends up being MC taking care of him all day and cuddling with him all night.

•he's upset they couldn't go anywhere, but he got to spend the day with MC regardless so he isn't too upset.

Barbatos-

•is unsure at first.

•he is way too busy to allow himself to indulge in a fantasy.

•also feels horrible if someone else is taking care of him instead of the other way around anyway.

•MC insists they will keep it very low-key so he can still do necessary work as it comes up but still spend time with them.

•he reluctantly agrees to this.

•is pleasantly surprised when it turns out MC had spent a month learning from Luke so they could bake him his favorite cake and brew his favorite tea just the way he liked.

•it was just a small tea party in the garden of the Demon Lord's castle, but it felt like a magical excursion because of what MC had pulled off for him.

Simeon-

•sweet baby is so excited!

•ask him out on a date first and he will literally melt because that means MC loves him back.

•like Satan, he will leave everything to MC because he trusts them.

•is pretty calm leading up to the date because he has full confidence in them and has full faith that this date will do nothing but build their relationship.

•he is a perfect gentleman and will open doors and pull out chairs.

•he offers to take a commemorative photo for them but doesn't save it correctly so MC takes an even better candid shot that is sure to make the two of them laugh and reminisce later down the line.

•He refuses to let MC pay for everything but MC refuses to let him pay so they compromise and split all bills on the date.

Solomon-

•"you think I'd go out with you?"

•is a complete little shit about it to hide his embarrassment at MC asking him first.

•freaks out when they take him seriously and start to walk away.

•"wait no, of course I will."

•he's just a bit of a control freak and would hate leaving all preparations to them.

•seriously, MC cannot prepare anything without him being right behind their shoulder and either nodding or correcting the plans.

•the date just cannot remain a surprise when Solomon is literally helping to plan it all.

•MC doesn't really mind though because he looks really cute when he gets all serious about something.

•he gets very serious about almost everything when it comes to them so they get to see his cute face very often.

•they go to the human world to make sure the brothers wouldn't follow them and bother their date.

•stay in the human world for a few days and just find complete peace being in the other's presence.

#obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me #obey me satan #asmo obey me #levi obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #beel obey me #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me simeon #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me shall we date

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arcadejohn127-9 · 3 years

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Hii 👋 😁 okay so I'd like to request a valentines date with the brothers and newdatebales but while they are on the date MCs ex who is a complete jerk interrupts their nice time and MCs date makes the ex pay for being so rude. Happy Valentines Day! 💝

Happy valentine's! Ugh exes really can be a pain! I'd fist fight my ex for a stick of gum, no hesitation

Sorry this took so long, I've been asleep for most of the day

Pt.2 = undateables (minus Luke)

Context: you decided to go to the human world for your date

Lucifer:

Restaurant! Always - it's a classic

It was fairly lavish, Everyone was in suits or dresses, the place seemed to glitter from how polished it all was

A small classical band in the back

"I'm having a lovely time, I hope it's all to your liking."

"definitely is, though if you were the one playing the piano I'd make it even better."

"I'll keep that in mind for later."

He smirked, taking a sip of his wine whilst you just beamed

You two have been waiting month's for this renovation and you glad you were able to get it in on Valentines

"Oh! (Y/N) been ages- didn't expect you to be here, who's your friend?"

Your stomach dropped

Your ex just smiled at you two, leaning on your seat

"boyfriend."

"no! No way! You're dating?! I heard you were so broken after our breakup, so glad you were finally able to move on, must of been hard."

"Will you leave? I'm trying to enjoy myself-"

Lucifer glared at them, shifting in his seat incase he had to settle this - he had faith in your strength but knew he wouldn't stay silent for long

"Why so hostile?! I haven't done anything wrong it's not like I've gone and told him how clingy you were or the fact you just LOVED arguing."

"fuck off will you?! I wasn't clingy, you were just distant and barely treated me like a partner and we got into arguements because YOU kept going behind my back."

He finally stepped in, noticing you were getting EXTREMELY worked up and had tears lining your eyes

He pulled your ex around, gripping their face and flashed them his true forms face

They screamed as they shoved themselves away from him, darting away to their table

This made everyone look at them, Lucifer fixing his hair and wiped his gloves with a scented wipe

"how unpleasant, Let's get the check, we can finish this back at the house."

He called over a waiter, quickly paying and collecting the now packaged food

"Just tap me and I'll step in sooner, I know you can handle yourself but I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing you cry."

Mammon:

A drive in movie - wants to show off his hot wheels and attractive partner~

He was pulled all sorts of cheesy moves, the yawn and stretch is one but many

He smiled having you leaned against him with his arm around your shoulder

You told him you were going to get more snacks and he tried to follow you but you said it'll be alright

Though when you came back you saw your ex leaning on mammons car, flirting with him

"Babe! I told them to back off but they kept pushing-"

"I didn't expect to see you here, are you with him?"

"I'm very much with him, he's taken."

You roughly handed mammon the snacks

He knew to keep his mouth shut, that look on your face wasn't something to mess with

"what a shame, I'm glad you finally got over me though, I heard from your friends you disappeared for 6 months."

"yeah, I was busy with living my life not crying over you."

Your exes mouth twitched whilst you just jumped back into your side of the car

"Right, right - so are you two serious or just a fling? I know it's difficult for you to keep a partner - why not keep me company? You're too handsome to be with them, don't you think? There's no way you actually like them-"

They trailed a hand up mammons arm, sending him a wink

He smacked their hand away from him, growing tired of their behaviour

"you listen here I'm in love with them more than your tiny little human brain will ever understand, back away from my car or watch us go on with our date."

When your ex didn't move he grabbed your shirt, pulling you in into a heated kiss

Whilst you two made out your cradled his head, flipping off your ex, mammon didn't have to even look to know what you were doing

He joined in on flipping them off, you both stayed like that until you heard them scoff and leave

"just say the word and I'll do whatever you ask, I won't let them get away with talking to you like that."

When the movie was done you spotted your exes car with the window down, mammon happily through your Popcorn into their window

But it wasn't over, when his car got close enough he took a pocket knife, slashing their car and immediately drove off at high speed

Levithan:

Arcade; was there really anything else?

He was determined to get you all the arcade prizes, using all his skills to make the machine do as he wished

Has used his tail to grab a prize from a rigged claw machine

"what else should we do? I saw a two player shooter finally open up."

"maybe dance dance Revolution? It'll be fun~"

He groaned, not wanting to do physical exercise but smiled when you weren't looking

He knew every dance song and pattern! He was going to impress you so much!

Of course there was a line, two kids hogging it and people recording them

Though things took a turn when your ex showed their face

"i should of known you'd come here, can't seem to stop visiting our old dating spots, huh?"

You rolled your eyes, clutching levithan's hand

If you were going to be honest, you completely forgot this was one of your old date places

You just remembered it was close by and you've been there when you were younger

"get over yourself, I'm on a date with my boyfriend."

"him? Really? I knew I hurt you but I didn't expect you to downgrade this much."

Levi looked down ashamed, anger boiling inside of him at how they spoke to you

He suddenly moved Infront of you, gripping your exes shirt as he pinned them to the photo-booth

"I don't care what you say to me but I know that you're just a cheating liar who gets off making others feel shitty, stay away from us or I will rip you to shreds limb by limb!"

He didn't even know his voice raised, punching the booth beside their head

Your normally timid boyfriend only got like this when you tried to be a better TSL fan than him or he lose his patience with mammon

Your ex cowered under his gaze, darting off as soon as they could

"i- I hope I didn't speak over you! I know you could of easily dealt with them but I just couldn't stand it!"

Satan:

Meausum, very interesting with different moments in history and discoveries all for the public to see - a date for nerds

Good thing you're both nerds (tbh I'd love a date like this)

"I was actually alive when this happened, It was pretty remarkable."

Oh yeah, expect him to be giving you all the classified details of moments in history

You just wished you had him whilst you were doing your history exams, you could of gotten so much extra credit!

"were you ever in any pictures? It would be pretty fun if we spotted you in the back of one of these."

He just laughed, grinning as you slowly began to realize that was an actual possibility

But before you could press on your mouth flew shut

Your ex was here

You elected to ignore them but they didn't have the same idea for you

"I never expected to see you around again, I thought you disappeared completely when no one heard from you in months."

"now that you're talking to me I wish I had, is there a reason you're interrupting my date?"

"your date? Is this him? I didn't think you'd move on so quickly~ shows what value you have on relationships."

Satan was pleased; he's heard all about your ex and was mad they were even breathing the same air as you

You were more annoying than any of his brother's and he hasn't even said anything to them yet

"I got over you quickly which might I add 10 months isn't a short time span - because you mean nothing me, you're a bitch."

"Back off or you'll end up with a bloody nose."

"gonna hit? Some man you are! Quick to violence-"

He grabbed their head, quickly jerking their head as if he was going to smash it into the display

His fingers dug into their scalp and tugged at their hair

"You have 5 seconds, I'm feeling nice today because it's valentine's - run now or I will put a dent in your skull."

He let go and he began to count, your ex looked at you both with fear before running

Just grazing the 5 second limit

"what was we discussing? Ah yes, I'll point out where I am, I think the picture is just up ahead."

Asmodeus:

Bath store date!!!

If it's with asmo - anything can be exciting

Even if it is you two walking around snorting bath bombs and poking the bath jello

Asmo handed you a bar

"smell it~ it's got herbs and flowers in it, doesn't the smell remind you of the kitchen back home?"

You gave it a small sniff but almost got abit of herb stuck in your nose when you saw your ex looking straight at you

He caught onto your surprise, slightly turning to see someone approach you two

"Careful there, don't want it to get stuck up your nose."

Your ex laughed, you just frowned

The demon looking between you, noticing how unhappy you were

"Do you want something? We're busy."

"I spotted you and thought to see hi! It's been so long since we've talked! Are you feeling abit better now after your break? I know the breakup was hard."

They gave you a pity filled look, patting your shoulder

"No, the breakup was easy to get through but why does it matter to you? We're not friends and you dumped me and that was that."

"come on it couldn't be just that, don't be shy Infront of- who are you exactly?"

Asmo quickly wrapped an arm around you, hugging you close as he gave your ex a tight smile

"Their boyfriend~! And I'm not happy about you talking to my sweetheart, leave."

"boyfriend? You look like that and you wanna try to be tough, you're as scary as a cloud- this is what you moved on with? I should of expected it."

"cute, look me in the eyes whilst you say that, won't you?"

Your ex foolishly did, Getting ready to insult but felt themself be fully charmed

"Won't you be a dear and spin around for me? Perhaps start clucking like a chicken, I think there's some feed over there." He cooed.

You bursted out laughing watching your ex do exactly as they were asked

Your boyfriend just smiled, picking up another soap and sniffing it before handing it to you

"ooo it's really fragrance, let's get this one."

You ignored your charmed ex, leaving the store with your stuff, hearing them yell out in humiliation as soon as you stepped out the store

Beezlebub:

Picnic, Should of been expected

You watched him do his stretches; you knew he had to keep himself occupied with draining tasks to keep better control over his constant hunger

He already scarfed down most of what was in basket before his fitness watch went off

You just sat back and observed

"I know this isn't romantic but once I'm tired we can continue, I'm sorry."

"Beel, I'd rather watch you flex your muscles than feel starved."

"I'll do my best."

He leaned down and you met him half way, Sharing a quick kiss before he went jogging

Everytime he passed your spot you gave him a cheer

But what you didn't expect was your ex to whistle, watching Beel with you

"do you mind? That's my boyfriend."

"I can see, how'd you get a guy like him? He's shredded, I didn't think big guys were your type."

"It's none of your business what my type is, our relationship is over and I told you I never wanted to see you again."

Your ex scoffed, glaring down at you

"is that why you disappeared for months? You really think I'd be desperate enough to message you again?"

"is it it of your system yet? Can you leave?"

"What's the issue..? You don't look pleased."

He was looking directly at you, concern on his face

You sighed In annoyance

"oh~ and he has a nice voice aswell, aren't you a package, wanna go somewhere more private?"

It was your turn to scoff, beel frowned at your ex

He knew how unpleasant your ex was and immediately stepped towards them

He grabbed their head and easily lifted them off the ground and put them to his eye level

"Apologize and Leave."

Your ex whimpered, wincing in pain, beel moved them like a ragdoll and made them face you

"I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING!"

They were let go and scampered off

You turned to beel, cupping his face, his mood immediately improving

"you did amazing, baby, are you tired or do you need to keep exercising?"

"I think I'll be able to be fine now, I'm glad they left so quickly, I was going to eat them."

Belphegor:

He wanted sky diving but you decided to go to the mattress store

Odd date choice but it made perfect sense to your boyfriend, they were having double bed special offers

He sunk into the mattress, sighing feeling how soft and bouncy it was

"We Should get this one."

"you said that with the last mattress, I'm sure you could find one hard as a rock and still want it."

"the top of the sofa is a comfy spot but I like my mattresses soft."

You just hummed, looking at the prices

"Tore up the old one with one of your tantrums? What a shame."

"excuse me??! I had a death In my family and that was an accident-! Why are you even here?!"

You can't believe it! Your ex had to be here of all places!

"I did want to say hi but now you're just getting all worked up over abit of teasing, you're still so sensative."

"Wow, forever the gaslighting cunt, I'm really not surprised you haven't changed but you got real balls to be so public about how much of a shitty person you are."

Beel was propped up on the mattress, happily watching you verbally destroy your ex

"you're just a bitch as always-"

"hold on, I'm just teasing - no need to get all angry about it."

He snickered whilst you smirked, coping the same tone your ex used

"Ah~ I know you, they told me about you, you're the ex that slipped and fell into the pool full of sick, I've been laughing about that for months."

"you-! I can't believe you'd talk about me so much, have you really moved on?"

"they told him one story, calm down, is this what you do now that you're single? terrorise couples in mattress store?"

They tried to bark back but he cut them off

"You know...I know plenty of ways to suffocate a human and I wouldn't even have to put a single finger on you, unless you want to see what I can do to your mind, I'd turn around and bother someone else."

They stared at him in horror, seeing you both just look down at them, enjoying their struggle for words

"you're both little shits, I hope you're miserable."

"and I hope you get the hell out of my face before I decide to stop being nice."

His eyes glowed as mist formed at his fingers, unnoticeable to anyone else around you

Your ex winced, a choked noise escaping them

They surprised you by being smart for once, turning around and storming away

"Are you miserable, belphie?"

"only when you're not around."

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #gamingclubpresident #aracadejohn217 9 #obey me mc #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me beezlebub #obey me levithan #obey me luficer #obey me belphegor #obey me discourse #obey me x you #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me imagine #valentine's day

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