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#pro fanfic writers
mystical-blaise · 1 year
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Okay, so I've been pretty quiet on socials lately, but I'm pissed off. There are times like these where I wish I could be shocked by the audacity and behavior in the fandom, but today is not one of them because, once again, that a particularly gross sect of Elriels decided to fish for content on Ao3 to make fun of for their own jollies and likes.
Really? That's all you've got going on?
Also, psst... The fact that you immediately had such a visceral reaction to a title that you claim is yours is possibly the dumbest, most insecure thing I've ever heard. Because it's not only "Elriel" canon. But if you are going to be a bunch of whiny, pathetic twatwaffles, guess you should stop using "a thing of secret lovely beauty" in all of yours because that's technically necklace and Gwyn related canon since it wasn't about Elain at all. That's "ours." Should I go through every fic and comment and then post it to make fun of? Do you see how completely stupid and deranged that sounds?
You probably don't, but it is. Absolutely, completely unhinged.
Fuck me, a new year is about to begin and the SJM fandom is still, years later, dealing with these miserable sacks of crap. Jesus, find a better damn hobby than being just completely awful. 🤷 To them I say Happy New Year, pound sand, cry into your Franzia, and go fuck yourselves.
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ervotica · 3 months
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pairing; eris vanserra x fem!reader
warnings; angsty w comfort, bit shit tbh but it's eris and i love him very much <3
a/n; this is shit but i needed to post something today bc my brain told me i had to. got a series in the works for my fav fox boy so keep an eye out ;))
Eris who lets you hurt him because he knows you need to feel.
Eris who stands tall and proud- every bit of the High Lord's son you've come to know- as you spit venom and fire and poison, as you rip into him with fangs and claws and aim for every weak spot you've discovered he possesses– desperate to hurt him, to show him the way that you are hurting, aching, splitting at the seams with these feelings, in a plea for him to listen, to understand when you can't fully comprehend it yourself.
Eris who does understand, who admires the rage that you store inside of you. The undiluted anger that forms into lead and sits heavy in your chest, pressing on every nerve-ending until you can't feel anything but it. So he lets you take it out on him– not entirely sure if it will help or harm you, common sense overruled by his innate desire to fix it, to make you feel okay no matter the cost to his personal wellbeing.
Eris who catches you when the claws retract and the wounded animal buried beneath them rears its head. Who is so startled by what you are, at your core, that he crumples to the floor along with you. He tucks you to his chest and perches his chin atop your head, trying his best to refrain from shuddering when he feels your slick tears drip along his collarbones and beneath his crisp white shirt, now adorning translucent splotches.
Eris who is surprisingly tender in your vulnerable moments. You know most people would assume the opposite, but nobody knows that his worst fucking fear is ending up anything like the piece of shit he calls a father. So he hooks an arm around your waist and presses his lips to your temples and cheekbones, lays you in the plush bed next to him and soothes your apologies with a honeyed voice, the words dripping from his tongue in a deep, rasping cadence that rumbles through your bones.
Eris who teaches you to utilise the anger instead of letting it consume you whole. Who kisses you like you're precious but challenges you when you need it. Who confronts your every fear alongside you– and fucks away your tears at night (and at every spare moment he can seize).
Eris who challenges you in every sense of the word. Makes you a better person despite what others think.
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🍂This user is always happy to see ao3 surpass their donation goals btw.🍂
This user is glad to see publically-funded archives of all kinds and especially those with a history of standing against censorship, especially fully volunteer-run ones with artists generously sharing their works for free, especially well organised ones that I respect the hell out of.
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tippenfunkaport · 1 year
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FYI, I have also locked all my fanfics down to registered users only because of the AI scraping on AO3. I'm one of many fan creators doing this right now and I know it stinks for users without an AO3 account, but it's the only option writers have available to us at the moment to stop our work from being scraped and stolen.
If this makes you mad, the Federal Register is currently open to comments on AI accountability until June 12th, 2023.
It only takes a second to leave a comment to ask for legislation that works used in AI creations or training MUST secure the express consent of the original creator before they can be used. If we can get protections for artists, writers, musicians and everyone who creates that their work cannot be used in AI without their permission, we can go back to making fanworks freely available without fear of them being misused. Until then, we're stuck playing defense until the courts catch up.
(If you're a fan creator looking to do this as well, AO3 has a tool to let you do all your fics at the same time in seconds. On your dashboard, go to Edit Works and you'll be able to change the status on everything at once.)
If you missed the context, AO3 recently found that the archive was scraped for use in AI services like ChatGPT and Sudowrite. While they put in protections in December 2022 to try to stop it from happening in the future, it's not foolproof and there is nothing they can do about works already swiped prior to that date. The archive is recommending fan creators restrict their works to registered users only to prevent against additional large scale scraping in the future.
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gay-jewish-bucky · 1 year
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If you're worried about your favourite shows/movies being cancelled/delayed/dropping in quality, instead of complaining about how it impacts you (which can be used by studios to paint striking workers as the bad guy) use your frustration and anger to stand with the WGA, learn why they're striking and what they're asking for, and direct any negative feelings you may have directly at studios who are the reason writers even need to strike.
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Professor Y/n coming into Snape's classroom to borrow a few materials for her herbology class: "Professor Snape, sorry to interrupt you in the middle of your class. Might I borrow a few materials? A poor first year managed to set all the gillyweed on fire." *she shakes her head in amusement*
Professor Snape: "Of course. Class, focus on your textbooks." *he gathers some gillyweed and hands it to y/n*
Y/n: "Thanks hun!" *kisses him on the cheek gently*
The class: *murmurs in surprise*
Snape: "Silence."
Y/n winking at the class: "Good luck with this old grump." *she walks out*
Ron whispering: "How the bloody hell did he manage that? They're complete opposites I tell ya!"
Snape: "Quiet!"
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slytherhys · 27 days
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Too Sweet (for me) - Part II
A/N: I'm so rusty at writing smut but I really hope this isn't terrible because I've been fighting with this chapter and I couldn't keep putting it off.
TW: Explicit language; Explicit Sexual Content
Part I
Word Count: 2.2k words | You can also find this story on AO3!
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Following Elain inside without pulling her into his arms was a test of self-control. His eyes never left her, not even when she looked over her shoulder to caught him staring – with a too-pleased smile on her face – before turning around again.
Seeing the Town House so empty never stopped being odd, but with the scent of jasmine surrounding him and the sight of a barely dressed Elain leading him to the kitchen, being here had never felt so right. The rooms were dark, the gauzy curtains covering the windows blowing with the spring’s breeze that flowed through the cracks of the windows. Azriel wondered if she’d been waiting for him. If she had turned off the lights in an attempt to keep her well-meaning sisters away. If she had dressed in his favourite nightgown to tease him, taunt him when he came to her begging – and he really wouldn’t mind begging. He nearly laughed at himself for ever thinking he could ever touch someone else. Mother knew he wasn’t even able to look at someone other than Elain Archeron – had lost interest in doing so a very long time.
And she was every bit at fault, Azriel thought with a smile as Elain turned to face him, challenge clear in those pretty brown eyes as she stared up at him. With her knowing smiles and her blue nightgowns, she had accepted him with a fierceness that still scared him, and he hated himself for letting so much come between the two of them. For letting anyone stop him from having her sleeping by his side every fucking night – preferably very naked.  
Elain’s chest rose and fell swiftly, her cheeks darkening under his stare as if knowing exactly what was going through his mind. No matter how hard she was trying to hide it, she was nervous – and he was an asshole because he fucking loved that he had that effect on her. Mainly because he wasn’t immune to her presence either. His brain felt muddled, his entire focus beginning and ending on the woman standing in front of him.
“Hi, baby.” He rasped, slowly walking towards her. Elain stood her ground, crossing her arms across her chest and raising her chin in defiance. His fingers tangled in her hair, and there was nothing but pure need coursing through his bloodstream as he closed the space between them and pressed his lips against hers, swallowing her gasp of surprise. Her arms fell and she melted into his touch. Fuck, but he had missed her – the way her entire body sought to touch his, her sighs whenever his tongue pressed against hers.
Nothing about the way she kissed him back was sweet – her lips were ravenous, her hands grasping his hair as her tongue sought his in a desperate battle of power. He let her take whatever she wanted. There was nothing he could ever have over her that would match the raw need he felt for her.
Elain pushed to the tips of her toes, pressing her body against his as he walked her to the kitchen counter, making her yelp as he roughly grabbed her and set her on the counter. He could barely breathe as she pressed her soaked center against his hard cock, body melding to his as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He moaned when she did it again, hips undulating as she grinded against him at a maddening pace. Azriel pulled her hair back, gently tilting her head to the side as he peppered her jaw with slow kisses.
“I didn’t think you’d come.” Elain breathed, lips red and chafed from rubbing against his stubble. He tried to focus on her, trying not to show how fucking delighted he was at the thought of Elain waiting for him in her skimpy underwear.
“I didn’t think I’d come either,” he mumbled against her skin, tasting her jasmine scent on his tongue. How could he ever think he could forget her? “But I can’t stay away from you.” He confessed, lost in the feel of her.
“Why do you taste like whiskey?” She asked softly, licking her lips, and furrowing her brows.
“I couldn’t find anything sweeter.” He rasped, and tried to kiss her again, but Elain pulled back.  
“Were you looking?” She asked, half-teasing, half-serious. And did you find it? Was what she really wanted to ask. Azriel couldn’t blame her.
“I was trying to stop thinking about you.” He leaned over her, arms caging her in where she sat. “I was trying,” he mumbled, mouth dangerously close to her parted lips. “to stop wanting you, even if it meant numbing myself until I stopped feeling my own body.”
Elain smiled softly, leaning back as she stared at him curiously. “And did it work?”
He cradled her jaw with a scarred hand, forcing her to look into his eyes as he pressed his cock against her center, watching as she bit her lip at the sensation. “What do you think?” He mumbled before kissing her, but Elain pulled away before he could deepen it.
She stared at him, smile fading. “I can’t keep doing this, Azriel.” Her eyes flickered between his, trying to gauge his reaction to her words. He didn’t dare move as she spoke, too uncertain of where this conversation was leading. “I can’t keep having you tell me you won’t have me but then fuck me like you want nothing else.”
Azriel stilled, taking in the woman in front of him. Fuck, but he was in over his head, wasn’t he? This woman who people were so quick to underestimate because she liked flowers and knew the name of every vendor working at the Palace of Threads and Jewels. But this was the same woman who didn’t mind ripping her own skin to shreds when she was gardening, the woman who would stab someone in the throat if it meant saving her family.
By the Cauldron, he’d be a fucking fool not to fight for her.
He let himself bask in that resolve, determination overtaking any lingering doubts he might have. Nothing else mattered. Not Rhysand, certainly not Lucien. It was only her and the decision she made every night she fell asleep next to him, sated and content. Every night she chose him. All he could do was choose her back.
So Azriel leaned down, kissing her languorously. She melted against him, opening up for him until she was writhing and moaning under his soft caresses. “I will have you.” He promised. “I will have all of you.” And before she could consider those words – consider everything they entailed – Azriel winnowed them to her room, gently setting Elain down on the mattress before she could even blink. She stared at him with mirth in her eyes, watching as he kneeled on the mattress, crawling on top of her. All humour left her face as he started climbing up her body, dropping kisses on every inch of bare skin he could find.
She writhed, breathless. “Az, please.” She pleaded as she watched Azriel pull the straps of her lace nightgown down her arms. Goosebumps covered her skin as he pulled the fabric down her chest, baring her tits to him. Perfect, peaked nipples greeted him. Azriel reached down to lick them, letting his lips linger on her skin as she panted.
“Fuck.” He rasped. She grabbed a fistful of his shirt, taking it off before he was pressing her down and wrapping his lips around her tits again, licking them and biting them until she was moaning and whimpering. Her hands covered his ass, grabbing it and pulling him down until his cock was pressed against her pussy. Azriel groaned, gently biting the soft flesh as stars erupted behind his eyelids.
He trailed kisses down her stomach, removing her panties with care until nothing stood between her and his mouth. Softly pressing his fingers to her pussy he parted her lips, watching as Elain gasped at his rough touch. Parting her lips with ease he licked her once, twice, groaning as her sweet taste exploded in his mouth. He could only focus on licking her, ravenous as she bowed off the bed when he grazed her clit with his teeth. The taste of her on his tongue – sweet and tangy and so fucking ethereal – had him palming himself through his leathers, so close to coming he felt like a teen. He sucked on her clit, thrusting two thick fingers inside her without warning.
Elain cried out, legs locking around his head as her entire body trembled. He groaned, feeling her pulse around him as she whimpered, hands wrapped tight around his hair as she rode the aftershocks of her orgasm. She was the sweetest fucking vision, mindless with pleasure, riding his face with her head thrown back and her tits pushed up. It was a fucking miracle he hadn’t cum in his pants yet.  
“You’re so good to me.” He said, watching as she relaxed against the mattress. Azriel unbuttoned his pants, taking his time pulling them off as she watched closely. She bit her lip when he wrapped a hand around his length, stroking it for some sweet relief.
Elain said nothing - she simply smiled coyly and, faster than he'd ever seen her move, tried to reach for him. Azriel grabbed her hand, stopping her and pressing a soft kiss to her palm instead. He chuckled at her exasperated expression as he gently forced her to lie down again. But tonight was about her – and if he needed to, he’d spend the entire fucking night worshipping her just to make it clear.
"What?" She asked, her big brown eyes staring at him in feigned outrage.
Azriel shook his head, smiling down at her. “I want you so much it’s insane to think I ever wanted anything before.”
She smiled brilliantly. “Are you going to fuck me, or not, Shadowsinger?”
He nipped her lip. “Cheeky.”
Her laughter died in her lips as she felt him positioning his cock at her entrance. She was so fucking wet, so ready for him. He pushed just an inch inside before pulling back, again and again, teasing her until she was scratching his back in an unveiled threat. Pure male satisfaction coursed through him as he watched her delirious with need, whining and begging him to fucking move. With a too fucking smug smile on his face, Azriel thrust inside her, only stopping when his all of him was inside of. Groaning as he felt her pulse around his cock, Azriel hissed when he felt her nails scratch down his ass. Elain was panting, looking up at him, a pleading look in her eyes as she wriggled under him.
“Elain–”He threatened, stilling her hips. Elain smiled innocently, pressing a kiss to his chest. "Brat."
"Move." She moaned, eyes rolling to the back of her head as Azriel grabbed the back of her knee, raising it to his hip so he could fuck her deeper, harder.
He pressed a sloppy kiss to her lips as she met every single one of his thrusts. “Fuck, you feel so good.” Azriel breathed her name like it was air itself, moaning as she clenched around him.
“Yes.” She moaned, wrapping her legs around him, urging him to move faster, harder. “Don’t stop.” She whimpered.
Azriel reached down, rubbing her clit as he quickened his pace. He couldn’t get enough of her, wrapping his lips around her nipples and sucking hard as her nails bit into his ass, guiding him. He could feel how close she was, her legs tightening around his hips as he pumped into her.
“That’s it.” He rasped. “Come with me, baby.” He urged.
Elain bit his shoulder just as he felt her clamp around his length, legs shaking as she came with a cry. His own pace turned sloppy, rushed as he sought his own release, spilling inside her.
With a groan and a considerable amount of energy he didn't know possessed, Azriel managed not to crush her, falling into the sheets on a back with swift twist. He was boneless, exhausted, and his entire body was tangling with how hard he had come. He couldn't bring himself to get up, rather content in feeling nothing but the weight of Elain on top of his chest. Elain looked up, a sated smile on her face as she let out a giddy giggle. Azriel smiled softly, watching as she blushed. That she could still be shy after all this time was an incredible feat on its own.
“Are you happy?” He rasped, his chest nearly bursting with emotion as he eyed her flushed cheeks. Elain hummed contently, softly trailing his eyes, his nose, his cheek with her fingers. Azriel couldn’t help but frown, swallowing down the emotion that threatened to spill into the dark and colour the night surrounding them.
“I won’t give this up.” He said, more to himself than to her. Elain stilled in his arms, head raising carefully, as if only now realising exactly what he was promising. Still, he looked at her – made sure she understood everything he was saying. “I won’t give us up.”
Elain smiled sweetly, hands interlacing with his as she chuckled. “It’s about time you catch up, Shadowsinger.”
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alvivaarts · 3 days
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Writing Tips For You (as if I don’t currently have insane writer’s block)
-Can’t start a scene? Write the setting instead. What is the lighting like? Is this place comfortable? Is it familiar or not? What should you point out now so it doesn’t suddenly appear when it becomes important for the characters? SET! YOUR! STAGE!
-Everyone says “show, don’t tell”. I like to think of that as “what are your character’s physical reactions? What are they feeling?” You can say “Character looked dismayed”, or you can say “Character grimaced with dismay.” See the difference?
-Struggling with dialogue? Talk to yourself while you’re writing. You might be blocking yourself if you subconsciously think some dialogue feels unnatural.
-Context, context, context! This applies to everything from the small interactions to the big plots. Every force has an equal and opposite reaction, allow interactions and events to grow as such.
-Context, context, context pt 2! But worldbuilding! If your character is performing an act, how does that fit into the physical reality they already exist in? How is it possible? Can you imply (imply, not explain) that these things are commonplace or why they wouldn’t be?
-Build the action. (Stealing this from theater class like twelve years ago.) You can’t just put a character into the scene and say ‘they made a sandwhich’. What has to happen for the sandwhich to be made? Your character has to walk into the kitchen, open the cupboard, get out a plate, get out the jam and peanut butter, get out a plate, get out the knives, open the fridge, get out the bread, close the fridge, open the bread bag, lay down two slices of bread on the plate, close the bag, open the first jar, pick up the first knife, scoop up the jam, slather it on the bread, put the knife down, close the first jar- and so on and so forth. Every small step is necessary for you to understand, and to engage your readers. You don’t have to go into ridiculous detail like I just did, but even understanding that for yourself.
-See above, but it’s not a scene and a sandwhich. The scene is your whole story and the sandwhich is your plot. What small steps MUST happen to reach the climax? Does changing one of those small steps change the result? How?
-Emotions are best portrayed when you have experienced them or can get insight from those who have experienced them. Let yourself get emotional in a scene. Allow yourself to be empathetic and vicariously experience what your characters are.
-Reread your own work! Your writing style and characterizations can change over time, but if you feel like you’re losing them, don’t be afraid to look at where you started to ground yourself!
-Proofread your own work 2-12 hours after you finish a section! Not while you’re writing! Don’t let yourself get carried away with writing things ‘right’, just get the ideas out.
-Have a friend or volunteer proofread for you too! This can help pick out things you repeatedly say, words you might misuse, grammar and punctuation that might need correction, and phrases that are hard to digest or don’t make sense.
-Make sure you’re making an effort to use regionally/era specific words and slang both in dialogue and in your writing. There are plenty of websites and videos online that list and discuss regional and era slang worldwide. Not to mention, we can connect with people all over the world using the web just to ask! Using incorrect phrases can really break immersion and make characters feel- well, out of character! I.E. an 80s jock saying ‘dope bruh’, American characters (generally) saying ‘lift’ instead of ‘elevator’, so on and so forth.
-Research research research! Research bloodloss limits, research how laws and jobs operate in different regions and countries, research weirdly specific myths and biblical themes, research as much as you can! You can only build a richer environment to write in!
-If you actively want to implement themes, allow them to reflect the experiences of your character. Example character is an Italian American who was orphaned at 13 after his orthodox Catholic parents died, he has been in and out of foster care his whole life, and the moment he got out his military job became strict and he allowed himself to be blackmailed to protect a child in a similar position. This has plenty of fun themes and symbolisms, like sacrifice, fate, lack of control, love, losing autonomy, etc, all of which can be framed under the impactful history of his Catholic childhood. This evokes the imagery of farm animals, servitude, animal tags/dog tags, holy spaces being used for other purposes. Play with it!
-Build three base playlists! One for your overarching story, one for songs that remind you of the main character and their story arc, and one for how you feel when you’re writing/songs that weirdly remind you of your story. You can cycle through these to help get into your mood.
-Consume other media! If all you do is focus on writing, you WILL lose steam and inspiration. Don’t be afraid to watch new shows, read new books, look at more artwork, read more poems, listen to more music. You might get a flicker of inspiration for themes, motives and ideas, and you’ll continue to fill yourself instead of dumping your focus out on your writing.
-Understand how each major character thinks and instinctively reacts to things. Some characters can stay calm, but others might instinctively react to things ‘angrily’, others might try to run away. This is an easy way to figure out character flaws and impliment easy conflicts.
And last but not least:
-Take breaks! Don’t worry about forcing yourself to keep a posting schedule (unless you’re being paid. I’m not. I’m doing this shit for free and for funsies) if all you do is spend all your time worrying about your writing, you won’t be able to relax your brain. Spend time with friends, play games, go outside!
I hope this helps!
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ennawrite · 19 days
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i love having a bad memory cause i’m rereading my fic just to make sure things flow correctly and I’m just like wow…I kinda ate this shit up 😭
⭐️for those interested, you can read the fic here ⭐️
(it’s a Nyx x Tamlin’s daughter story, with themes of disrupt in the NC. I plan on exploring it more in future chapters)
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trshtffc · 4 months
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High Lord guardians
*responsible guardianship only, remember, a High Lord is a commitment for life
Lucien🦊: guys my HL keeps running away and I have to go in the forest to retrieve him 😭 he's very clever too, opens the doors. Any tips?
Feyre💫: have you tried neutering him?
Vivi❄️: @ Lucien🦊 maybe it's time to switch up his enrichment. Check that his mansion/castle has enough space for him to play and try different toys.
Feyre💫: I can't find the right mansion for mine 😭 already on the 5th try.
Cresseida🌊: @ Lucien🦊 try increasing the frequency of his patrols and adding different routes.
Lucien🦊: what is that girl doing in the chat? She's not a responsible guardian, she abandoned a HL!
Feyre💫: @ Lucien🦊 that's not cute, judging people when you don't know their situation. The HL I had to let go of was putting my family in danger, so maybe talk to people before you make your assumptions.
Lucien🦊: oh, you mean this one?
Lucien🦊 sent a picture
Lucien🦊 sent a picture
The Mother has removed Feyre💫 from the chat
Cresseida🌊: @ Lucien🦊 OMG HE'S SO CUTE
Lucien🦊: right? When I took him in he wal all matted and sad, he's so much happier now!
Vivi❄️: @ Lucien🦊, clear that paperwork over there, that's why he's running away, he's scared of it. Mine will make such a fuss when he sees one.
Vivi❄️: Also your HL is adorable.
Lucien🦊: @ Vivi❄️ I had no idea! I swear, I picked it up and he sprinted! I'll have to fetch him from the forest now but that should do the trick. Thanks everyone!
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memelovescaps · 6 months
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Just won Nanowrimo on my #Snarry forced bonding story, and only on day 16!
Still at the mid-point of the story, so a long way to go still, but this is a great milestone!!!!
So happy and elated!!
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duskandcobalt · 6 months
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Echoes in the Hallway - III
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May I present to you, the third and final part* of Echoes in the Hallway 💕 If you missed the first two parts, you can find them linked in my Masterlist.
Thank you to everyone who has read this and provided so much encouragement and support - as a new writer, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
*I lied, I do have one last little chapter planned but it's more of a bonus chapter and will be able to be read separately from this series.
As always, please let me know what you think!
ENJOY XX
Read on AO3
7.6k words - a little bit of angst, a little bit of smut (you know the drill) (18+)
Azriel’s hands form fists at his sides as he fights the urge to reach for Elain’s trembling fingers and pull her back so he can slot her safely behind his body. He can’t see her face. She’s frozen in place, looking up at their High Lord, but he can sense her confusion, her sadness and anger. He can feel it all radiating from her small frame.
There have been very few times in his  life where he struggled to keep up his defenses - that cold, impenetrable guise of indifference - but this was one of them. 
He’d let himself get distracted. 
He had been so absorbed in their blissful bubble, that he hadn’t been paying attention. The world could have been collapsing around them and he wouldn’t have noticed - not when all he cared about was the taste of her on his tongue and the sounds he was drawing from her body.
He should’ve known that Rhys was there. He should’ve picked up the scent, heard his footsteps. He shouldn’t have sent his shadows away when they tried to get his attention ten minutes ago.
He had failed. He could’ve kept this from happening. He could’ve protected her from this. 
Two months of carefully sneaking her away so that they could have a moment to themselves and this is the worst possible way this could’ve gone. Two months of resisting having her completely and of course, of course, Rhysand had caught them together after they’d very clearly just spent hours in bed together.
His High Lord wouldn’t know that it had been for the first time. 
In Rhys’ eyes, this would be all he needed to confirm that his suspicions were right. That Azriel had only been lusting after Elain. That all he wanted from her was sex. Even if that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Rhysand is still staring Azriel down, pure fury in his eyes, when the female in between them turns to face him. 
Her beautiful features are pained, eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Those perfect lips that had been moaning his name against his skin just moments ago, are now parted in shock. 
“What does he mean?” Elain whispers. “Azriel? Tell me it isn’t true.”
Azriel is silent as her eyes flicker over his face. He can practically see the wheels in her head turn as she reads everything he’s left unsaid.
“That’s why you walked away that night.” She says it so quietly, almost like she’s saying it just to herself. 
Her eyes widen slightly and he sees the flame spark behind her eyes, sadness and anger coming together to create fire. “You would’ve done it, you would’ve kissed me. You wouldn’t have pulled back… you said it was a mistake but you only stopped because he called you away?”
Azriel. 
 Just like that night, Rhys’ dark, authoritative voice is in his head. He’s pulling rank again, warning him - ordering him - not to speak.
Azriel can’t let this happen again, not when they’d made so much progress. He wouldn’t keep the truth from her this time.
“Yes.” 
Elain’s shoulders sag. She releases a long breath and turns back to face Rhysand before Azriel can explain himself any further.
“You had no right, you had absolutely no right to do that.” She tells Rhysand.
… 
“What’s going on?” Elain barely hears Cassian’s voice over the roaring in her ears. She only just registers that the Commander of Rhysand’s armies is now standing at the top of the stairs and surveying the scene in front of him, one of his arms bracketing Nesta’s waist to keep her behind him. 
Elain pictures launching herself at Rhysand. Imagines crossing the little distance between them and banging on his leather clad chest until her fists bleed. She contemplates screaming and yelling until her throat is raw. She pictures shouting every single obscenity she’s never dared to say out loud, at him. 
Her blood pulses through her veins, so hot and angry, that she feels like she may combust.
Everything that she thought she knew had just been pulled out from under her with that single sentence from Rhysand coupled with the simple, one word confirmation from the male that she’d just given everything to. 
 Azriel hadn’t just left that night because he was concerned that she had a mate. He had walked away because he’d been told to leave.
He’d been ordered to stay away from her completely by one of his oldest friends. Someone that he considered a brother. Someone that she had come to consider a brother because that was the level of trust that she had in Rhysand.
Elain doesn’t allow herself to launch at him, she doesn’t even let herself scream at him. She cannot stand to look at Rhys for another second. She tucks away her anger and turns from between the two males to walk swiftly down the hallway towards the stairs where Cassian and Nesta are still standing, both already dressed for the day in their training leathers. 
Cassian is shocked as he watches her pass, his mouth agape as he glances between her and his brothers, no doubt trying to decide if he’ll need to interfere in a brewing altercation. 
Her sister, however, doesn’t look nearly as surprised. Nesta’s eyes turn from angry to sad as she shifts her attention from Rhysand to Elain. 
“Come.” She says quietly, gently taking Elain’s hand in hers and guiding her down the stairs without a word to anyone else. 
Elain waits until she’s in the safety of her room before she collapses on the floor, shoulders heaving as she lets all the emotion flood out of her. Tears are streaming down her face when she feels Nesta’s lean, strong arms wrap around her, covering her body with her own. Her sister’s hands run over her as she murmurs into Elain’s hair. 
She can’t hear anything Nesta says over the ringing  in her ears but it’s a welcome comfort at least, to be in the reassuring embrace of the only person alive that has known Elain for every single day of her life. 
Elain doesn’t know how long she’s been asleep for but she’s in bed when to the sound of her bedroom door opening and the gentle rustle of sheets as Nesta sits up next to her.  
Cassian’s familiar scent drifts through the room and Elain keeps her eyes shut as she feels the mattress sink under his weight when he takes a seat at the very foot of her bed.
“Rhys went home.” He informs Nesta, keeping his voice low so as to not wake Elain. “He told Azriel to meet him in his office in a few hours.”
“How’s Az?” Nesta asks.
“I don’t know.” Cassian sighs. “He wouldn’t talk to me, not even after Rhys left. He’s probably flying around to blow off some steam… he’ll be there, though. To see Rhys. He gave his word.”
“This is ridiculous.” Nesta huffs. “Will your brother ever stop interfering in everyone else’s life? How is it any business of his who Azriel or Elain choose to spend their time with?”
Cassian doesn’t take the bait. Elain can tell from his voice that he’s dealt with enough confrontation for one morning.
“How’s she doing?” 
“She hasn’t said anything, either.” Nesta sighs. “She’s exhausted. I don’t think she got much sleep, if any, last night.”
Elain’s cheeks heat and Cassian snorts. 
“I can’t wrap my head around it. I mean… Az and Elain? ” He pauses, most likely waiting for Nesta to agree, to tell him that she didn’t see this coming either, but Nesta doesn’t say anything. “You knew?”
Elain tries her best to keep her breathing even as she awaits the answer. 
“Yes.” Nesta admits. “I saw them in the garden one afternoon. Elain was watching Nyx. I thought I’d go spend the day with them since you were away but then Azriel was there and they were…  I could just tell there was something between them. I left, neither of them knew I had been there.”
Elain thanks the gods above that she’s facing away from them because she cannot keep the surprise from her face. If she’s thinking of the same day, it would mean that Nesta had known about them for almost an entire month.
“You never told me.”
“It wasn’t my secret to tell.”
“But I’m your mate.” 
“She’s my sister.” 
Elain can’t see Nesta’s face but she can picture the exact scathing look she’d be giving Cassian. She knows she’s right when Cassian doesn’t argue the point any further. 
“I’ll leave you to it, I have to go to the River House.” The bed shifts as he stands. Elain hears him lean over and kiss Nesta before he makes his way to the door. “Rhys has put me in charge of finding somewhere else for Lucien to be before Azriel shows up this evening. Her scent is all over him and probably will be for days. If Lucien sees him…” 
“You think he’d do something?” Elain can hear the concern in Nesta’s voice. 
“She’s his mate - he’d react on instinct. Even then, he still wouldn’t stand a chance against Az. He’d be dead before he could land a single punch.” 
Cassian leaves, shutting the door behind him and a shudder runs through Elain at the thought of the two males physically fighting. She didn’t want it to come to that. She had no desire to be the reason one of them ended up injured, if not worse.
“I know you just heard all of that.” Nesta swats Elain’s back. 
Elain turns, finally opening her eyes only to see Nesta looking down at her with raised eyebrows. “You knew?”
“When I told you that I knew you came here last night because of him, I didn’t mean Lucien.” Nesta gives her a pointed look. “You may be the Seer of the family, Elain, but I know you. I’ve seen the way you look at Azriel when you think no one’s watching.”
“I really care about him, Nes.” Tears prick at the corner of Elain’s eyes. She presses a hand to her pounding heart.  “I… I can’t explain it but I know in my soul that he’s it for me.”
“Tell me.” Nesta turns her body to face Elain and takes her hand. “Tell me everything.” 
So Elain does. 
She tells Nesta about Solstice and how she felt in the months that followed. Tears are flowing freely as she tells her sister exactly how her feelings for Azriel had developed over the years but especially over the past couple of months. Elain fills Nesta in on almost every single detail that led up to last night, stopping at her decision to make her way to Azriel’s room. 
“So last night was the first time you two had sex? Really?” Nesta’s lips turn up into a cunning grin. “I’m impressed you held out for that long.” 
She knows this is Nesta’s attempt at lightening the mood and it works. Heat rises to Elain’s cheeks as she nods.
“How was it?” Nesta’s icy blue eyes shimmer with amusement. 
“How do you think?” She covers her face with her hands, suddenly shy. 
Nesta’s hands wrap around her wrists, prying them off so she can see Elain’s face. 
“If the wingspan thing is actually true, I’m surprised you can even walk today.” Nesta erupts in laughter and Elain can’t help but join in. A memory from the night before of Azriel asking if she could take more makes her face and chest flush bright red.
The two sisters double over as they laugh, clutching each other’s hands, and Elain is thankful for the distraction as all the stress of the past few hours dissolves for just a moment.
… 
Azriel storms out of Rhys’ office towards the balcony, blatantly ignoring his High Lady as she tries to stop him. He’ll apologise to her later for his abruptness but for now all he can do is launch himself into the sky, flying higher and higher, until the clouds completely block the city below. 
One week. 
From tomorrow morning, Rhys was sending Azriel away for an entire week on some bullshit mission to the continent. 
Rhysand hadn’t even given Azriel an opportunity to explain himself. He had simply fixed him with a glare that had become all too familiar, not even bothering to stand when Azriel walked into the room before he proceeded to give him strict instructions on what information he expected the Spymaster to seek.
It was a task that was so obviously beneath him, something that normally would have been assigned to one of the spies in Azriel’s network. It couldn’t have been clearer that it was a poorly disguised excuse to put distance between him and Elain as a punishment for going against his High Lord’s orders.
The only ounce of sympathy had come from Feyre who had looked at Azriel with such sad eyes from where she had stood next to Rhys. Still, she hadn’t said anything to contradict her Mate’s orders even if it was clear from her expression that she disagreed with his approach. 
“I care about her, Rhys.” Azriel had told his brother a minute before he walked out. “Whether you believe me or not, I care for Elain. Keeping us apart isn’t going to change that.” 
And then, though he shouldn’t have, he had turned to Feyre just before he stepped onto the balcony. “Did he tell you what he said to me on Solstice? Did my brother tell you that he told me to go to a pleasure house? As if that’s all I wanted from Elain? As if that’s all your sister is good for?” 
He couldn’t get the way Feyre’s face had fallen out of his head. His emotions had gotten the best of him but he had to say something. He had to let her know. Rhys had gotten away with too much for too long and it was a low blow, but it was a last second attempt to get Feyre on his side. 
Azriel would take his High Lord’s order. He’d go on this ridiculous mission, he’d bring back whatever pointless information he’d been asked for. He’d stay away for a week that he knew would all but kill him. He’d do it all, but he needed to take care of something else first.
Rhysand hadn’t given him any direct orders as to where he could or could not be tonight and that was all Azriel needed before making his decision. 
… 
Azriel takes a deep breath as he stands outside Elain’s door. 
He’d spent most of the day flying around to delay the inevitable before he finally returned to the House of Wind just as the sun began to set, stopping in his chambers only to bathe quickly before he made his way downstairs to her floor.
He raises his hand to knock and is surprised to hear the musical sound of feminine laughter through the door just as his fist makes contact with the wooden surface.
When he cracks open the door and peers inside, Elain is seated at her vanity and Nesta stands behind her, brushing her younger sister’s hair. They both turn to face him, their laughter dying down at the sight of him even though Nesta has a suspiciously amused look on her face and the remnants of a blush stain Elain’s cheeks. 
“Sorry to interrupt.” He opens the door fully and takes one single step into her room. “Can we talk?”
Elain remains frozen in place as she stares at him but Nesta leans over and sets the brush down on the vanity.  She bends at the waist, whispers something in Elain’s ear and stands back up after a dip of Elain’s chin.
She gives Elain’s shoulder a squeeze and then approaches Azriel. 
Nesta peers up at him, her amused expression turning into something more serious as she pokes his chest with a single finger. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Shadowsinger.”
She doesn’t wait for him to reply before she slips out of the room, shutting the door behind her. 
Azriel walks over to Elain, picks up the brush that Nesta had been using and gestures for Elain to turn back towards the mirror. 
He turns the brush in his hands as he assesses her.
She’s also freshly bathed. Her hair is still damp, a few shades darker than usual, though the golden highlights that run through it are just starting to show through as the strands begin to dry.  She’d changed out of her silky blue slip and into a much more demure cotton nightgown.
Azriel gently drags the brush through her hair from root to tip, just to have something to do with his hands. 
“I’m sorry.” He whispers finally, swallowing down the rush of emotions that threaten to consume him when he meets her eyes in the reflection of the mirror. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“You lied to me.” He hates the way her chin wobbles as she looks at him. 
“I’m sorry.” He repeats. “I wish I had done things differently.”
“Did you mean any of it?” Elain asks. “Everything that you said about him being better for me… did you actually mean it or were you just covering for Rhys?” 
Azriel continues brushing her hair, focusing his attention on combing out any tangles as he gathers his thoughts.
“I meant it all, Elain.” He says earnestly. “The only thing I didn’t tell you is that I wouldn’t have walked away on Solstice if Rhys hadn’t called me away. But everything else is true. There’s so much tension between the courts and our involvement could have insurmountable impacts because of your mating bond.”
Azriel sees her sit up straighter at that, ready to argue with him once again. He places a gentle hand on her bare shoulder. His thumb strokes over her soft skin, silently asking her to let him continue. “I was willing to overlook it. I told Rhys that I would fight for you. That I would win… he didn’t like that very much. He thinks it’s just lust. He thinks I’m just trying to seduce you.”
Elain’s jaw drops and she laughs. 
“That’s ridiculous.”
Azriel sets the brush down as she turns on the bench to face him. “The way he caught us this morning wouldn’t have helped.”
He can’t help the way his eyes fall to her neck. To the already fading splotches of purple in the shape of his lips that decorate her skin.
“Cassian said you went to meet with him this afternoon?” Elain’s fingers come up to graze over the spot where his eyes linger.
Azriel nods, forcing his attention back up to her face. “He didn’t say anything about us. He just… he’s sending me away for a week.”
“And you’re going?”
“It was an order… I don’t have a choice.” He sighs. 
“So that’s it, then?” Elain stands up, her arms at her sides. “You’ve just come to say goodbye?”
“It’s just a week.” Azriel attempts a small smile. 
“What if it isn’t just a week?” Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears as she looks up at him. 
He sees the unspoken plea in the depths of them, begging him to do anything but leave. But he has to go, he has to let Rhys win just this once. He has to play his cards right if he wants even a chance at making this work without having to keep it a secret.
Azriel takes her face in his hands, presses his lips to her forehead. “I’m sorry.”
It’s all he can say before he makes his way towards the door. His fingers are just about to twist the doorknob when Elain speaks. 
“Stay.” Her voice makes her sound so small. “Don’t go.”
Azriel almost turns to look at her but he can’t do it. Can’t bear to see the yearning and disappointment that he knows will be written on her face. So he turns the handle, walks out of the room, and leaves her standing alone once again. 
… 
He gets all the way to his room, all the way to his bed, when he glances at his bedside table and sees the objects laying there. The items that he’s looked at every night as he attempted to find sleep for the past two years. 
 It’s the sight of the headache powder that makes him realise what a colossal idiot he’s been.
It’s the thoughtfulness behind that gift that has his feet moving on their own accord, carrying him back down the stairs and straight into her bed chambers without so much as a knock on her door. 
Elain’s head whips to face him from where she’d been leaning over her bedside, just about to blow out the candle on her nightstand. Her eyes are wide with shock and there are tears staining her face as she sits up on her knees and silently watches as he approaches her. 
Azriel’s chest heaves as he slowly walks towards her bed, maintaining eye contact with her all the while. He relies on his eyes to convey everything he can’t say out loud. 
That he’s sorry. Sorry that it has to be like this. Sorry that he’d left her like that again. 
He lets her see how much he wants her, how much he wants this. Even if he’s leaving tomorrow. Even if this ended up being the last time. 
 She was worth it. She would always be worth it. 
Not a single word is exchanged as Elain reaches up for him, grasping his face between her hands and pulling him down towards the bed. Her lips part for him as his body settles easily over hers.
Azriel kisses her with everything he has while Elain’s fingers fumble with the soft fabric of his shirt, dragging it up and over his head with some assistance from him until she can get her hands on his bare skin.
Her touch is searing against his body, her movements frantic as she tries to rid him of his pants.
“Slow.” Azriel takes her shaking hand in his, brings it to his lips and kisses her palm. “We have time.”
Elain looks at him and he holds her gaze until her breathing calms and she nods. Only then, does he kiss her again. 
He takes his time dragging her nightgown up her body, his lips brushing every inch of perfect skin that’s revealed to him as he pushes it up, up, up until his mouth is on her breast and she’s tugging her dress off the rest of the way. 
Her hands entwine themselves in his hair, holding him close to her as his tongue swirls and flicks over her peaked nipples. He moves down, his lips never leaving her skin, taking her with him until her back is flat against the mattress and her thighs are slung over his shoulders.
Azriel groans against her core when his tongue slides along her sex only to find that she’s already so wet for him. Her arousal covers his lips, his chin, his nose, as he settles between her legs and works her with his tongue and teeth until her thighs are clamping around his head, holding him in place as her first orgasm wracks through her body. 
Her legs have yet to cease trembling before she’s guiding him back up to her and covering his mouth with hers. She places a small hand on his chest, pushes him down onto his back and kneels beside him. Azriel doesn’t have a chance to utter even a single word before she has his pants off and her tongue slides up the entire length of him.
He reaches down, gathering the curtain of her hair in one hand so that he can see her. So that he can watch in awe as those beautiful pink lips wrap around him, her cheeks hollowing, her tongue swirling and licking as she takes as much of him as she can. Her fingers wrap around the base to compensate for what doesn’t fit.
He feels his cock throb against her cheek and he lightly tugs on her hair.  Elain takes his cue, pulling off of him and ever so delicately wiping her mouth. Her swollen lips turn up in an innocent smile that sends every nerve in his body into overdrive with the undeniable need to be inside her. His hands land on her waist, supporting her as she places a knee on either side of his hips, straddling him. She takes him in her hand and lines him up at her entrance before sinking down just enough to envelop the head of his cock.
Azriel curses at the feel of her sex, so warm and wet and impeccably tight, around him as she takes him further and further until he’s seated deep inside her. He grips her hips, fingers digging into her soft skin as he guides her back and forth, helping her rock against him until she’s found a rhythm. 
He can’t take his eyes off of her. He delights in the way her lips part with pleasure, the way the candlelight catches the thin layer of sweat on her skin and makes her glow. She’s so unbelievably beautiful that he cannot believe how lucky he is, how utterly blessed he is, to bear witness to her on top of him. To watch as she derives her pleasure from him. 
Elain rides him slow and steady, her breasts rising and falling in time with her hips as she sinks down on him over and over again, her walls clenching around him each and every time. Azriel doesn’t know how much longer he can possibly hold it together. 
He wraps an arm around her waist, holding her in place as he shifts them both up so his back is against the headboard and her chest is against his. Her nipples slide against his skin each time he thrusts up into her. His arm stays wrapped firmly around her waist while his other hand threads through the hair at the nape of her neck, gently craning her head back until her eyes are on his. 
He holds her there, his eyes locked on hers, as he picks up his pace and angles his hips slightly to hit the spot that has her falling apart with a sharp cry of his name just a minute later. Azriel follows, letting himself go with a whisper of her name as he comes inside her. Elain buries her head in the crook of his neck and shoulder and he feels the cool dampness of her tears against his heated skin. 
She makes no move to lift off of him, only melts further into his body as he pulls her tighter against him. Azriel holds Elain close as she cries in his arms, his eyes squeezing shut against the feeling of his heart shattering in his chest. 
I’m always thinking of you. 
Elain studies the small scrap of paper with the carefully written message that Nuala had quietly slipped into her hand while they prepared dinner together ten days ago.
The note is creased, the paper worn thin from the amount of times she’s unfolded it to read the words over and over again. Those five words are all that keeps her tethered to the earth these days but if she keeps this up, the ink will fade and she’ll have nothing left.
Just as she had feared, what was supposed to be a week apart had somehow turned into almost four. 
Twenty-five days have passed since she had woken up to an empty bed, her hands blindly reaching out only to find her sheets cold where his warm body should have been. 
Twenty-five days and other than this singular note in her hands, Elain had not seen or heard from Azriel.
She had also hardly seen their High Lord despite living under the same roof.
It was evident that Rhysand was doing everything in his power to avoid her. He made excuses to have his meals at different times, he had mysterious meetings that would come up the second Elain stepped foot into the room. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think it was guilt that made it impossible for him to look into her eyes.
Even Feyre had been tiptoeing around her, carefully avoiding bringing up any topic that could possibly lead back to Azriel. Elain knew her sister felt terrible about the situation, that her regret over her Mate’s actions and orders meant that she couldn’t be around Elain for more than five minutes unless they had Nyx in between them as a barrier.
Elain decided that she’d finally had enough when she woke up this morning with fire in her veins. It’s what had her reading that note one last time, folding it neatly and sliding it back into the top of her dress, before she stormed upstairs and let herself into Rhysand’s office. 
He’s in the middle of a meeting with Cassian when she barges in, both their heads turning quickly at her interruption. 
Rhysand looks at her as if he’d been expecting this to happen eventually. Cassian watches on in silence.
“Call him back, Rhys.” Elain spits out, not bothering with any niceties.
“Elain…” Rhys starts, taking a deep breath. 
“Call. Him. Back.” Elain enunciates each word. “I want him back here within the next two days or I swear on the Mother, I will find my way to Autumn Court and cause a scene like you wouldn’t believe.”
Cassian swears under his breath at her threat, obviously taken aback by her unexpected tenacity. Rhys remains looking at her with that infuriating, unwaveringly calm expression that’s so similar to Azriel’s, plastered on his face.
“I want a meeting with you and Feyre as soon as he’s back. Cassian, you can come too.” Elain’s voice is strong even though she feels like she’s about to crumble into dust on the inside. “Invite Nesta. Invite the whole godsdamn circle. I want this done formally since you think this is such a big deal.” 
“He’s coming back tonight.” Rhys says finally, brushing something Elain can’t see from his sleeve. “You both are so very dramatic for being the two quietest people in this house.”
Elain ignores that remark. “He’s coming back? Tonight?” And then because she doesn’t trust Rhys quite like she did before, she turns to Cassian for confirmation. “Really?”
“Really.” Cassian nods, an inkling of a smile on his lips. 
The ache in her chest eases just enough for her to take her first proper breath in what feels like weeks. 
Tonight. He’d be back tonight and then they could finally put this all to rest. 
Hope ignites like a flame low in her stomach as she leaves Rhysand’s office but Elain squashes it, shoves it down until it’s nothing but a tiny, burning ember because hope was a dangerous thing for her to have.
… 
Elain does her best to calm her racing heart as she stands in Rhys’ office, her arms crossed over her chest as if to keep her heart within her body, as she waits for Azriel to arrive so that this meeting can commence. 
Feyre is perched on the corner of the desk where Rhys sits, mindlessly flipping through whatever papers are in front of him. Nesta and Cassian are squished together on a loveseat off to the side, his large, siphoned hand heavy on her knee as if to hold her in place. Most likely in case Rhys says one wrong thing and she lets her emotions get the best of her. Something that wasn’t completely out of the question given the way she was currently staring at him with daggers for eyes.
Other than a few initial greetings, no one has said a word. The tension in the air is palpable and Elain feels like every inch of her skin is on fire. It’s a sensation that only gets worse when the doors leading to Rhys’ office open and Azriel finally enters the room. 
His eyes find hers immediately, softening as they travel up and down her body, devouring her with his eyes just as she’s doing to him. 
The sight of him knocks the air out of her, like it usually does. He’s beautiful, dressed in well tailored gray slacks and a simple white shirt. There isn’t a single weapon on him other than Truth-Teller strapped to the belt slung around his hips. 
After going so long without seeing him, it’s only practice from months of pretending that they were nothing more than acquaintances that allows her to drag her gaze from his without launching herself into his arms and showing everyone in this room just how much she wanted him. 
Azriel walks further into the room but carefully maintains the excruciating distance between them, as if standing too close to her would have Rhys sending him back to wherever he just came from.
“Okay.” Rhysand breaks the silence, standing up and walking around to the front of his desk. He leans against it, his arms cross at the same time one ankle crosses over the other. “Let’s hear it.” 
“I won’t stay away from her any longer.” Azriel’s words collide with Elain’s when she speaks at the same time. 
“I want you to tell me why you called him away on Solstice.” 
Rhys’ eyes flicker between them and the way he sighs, as if he had a million other things he’d rather be doing, makes Elain see red. 
“I called him away that night because it would have been incredibly stupid for him to kiss you.” He chooses to respond to Elain. “Both of you seemed to have forgotten that your mate was in the same house.”
“My mate,” Elain repeats his words through clenched teeth, “has nothing to do with this.” 
Rhys’ eyes light as he stands up a bit straighter, fully engaging in the conversation. 
“Your mate has everything to do with this.” His voice is firm. “I will not risk the safety of my Court, of my people, because my Spymaster decided to seduce you.”
“Seduce me?!” Elain’s eyebrows raise. To hear it from Azriel was one thing, but hearing it confirmed from Rhysand hurt in a way she hadn’t expected. “As if I’m so naive that I could be swayed because of what…? Sex? Do you truly think so little of me?”
“That’s not it, Elain.” Rhys replies, patiently. 
“So what is it, then? You think he isn’t capable of pursuing anything except sex? That he couldn’t possibly be interested in me for anything else? That he isn’t capable of actual feelings? Of wanting more for himself?” Elain pauses, “He’s one of your oldest friends and yet you have no idea what he wants.”
“You have no clue what you’re talking about.” Rhys shakes his head, his voice darkening. “I have known him for centuries. You have known him for a few years.”
“Watch your tone.” Azriel’s warning sends a shiver up Elain’s spine but Rhysand only turns to the Shadowsinger with a smirk on his lips. 
“What do you have to say, brother?” 
“I have fought you on very few things in my life, Rhys.” Azriel takes a step forward and Elain catches Cassian sitting up straight out of the corner of her eye. “I’ve obeyed your orders even when I’ve disagreed with them, but I have to put my foot down on this. I will not stay away from her any longer.” 
“What do you want me to do, Azriel?” Rhys laughs. “I may as well set Prythian on fire myself because that’s where this is all headed if Beron or Eris gets word of this. They’ll take any excuse to act and you know it.” 
“I will not be used as a pawn in your political game.” Elain interrupts before Azriel has a chance to reply. “You have ruled this court for almost your entire life. You have won wars. You have kept your people safe for centuries. There has to be another way. I am begging you to find another way. This is my life, Rhys. I won’t let you interfere with what I want and Azriel is what I want.” 
“You haven’t even tried with Lucien!” Rhys raises his voice and Feyre’s hand lands on his arm as she glares at him, silently telling him to calm down.
“I have no desire to try with Lucien.” Elain maintains her composure. “I am glad that the mating bond worked out for you. I’m glad it worked for Nesta and Cassian but my sisters had time to fall in love before they even knew about the bond. They had a choice. I deserve one, too.” 
“I can’t allow this.” He shakes his head. “I cannot risk everything because the two of you are incapable of keeping your hands off each other.”
“Rhys.” Feyre breaks her silence, sighing. “We’ve discussed this.” 
Elain watches as Rhys and her sister exchange words in a conversation only they can hear.
“Let me show you.” Elain’s patience slips and the words are out before she can think about what she’s just offered. “You think this isn’t serious, you think it’s just lust… let me show you that it isn’t.”
“Elain.” Azriel turns to her, his eyes wide. “Don’t.” 
It’s an invasion of their privacy. She knows it and she hates it but it’s a necessary evil. She’d give up the moments that were supposed to be just between them, she’d let Rhys see them if it meant they could have a future. “It’s the only way, Azriel. I don’t know how else to make him believe it. To make him believe us.”
“Rhys, this is unnecessary.” Azriel pleads with his brother. 
Even Feyre speaks up, quietly whispering to her Mate to rethink this. But Elain can tell that his interest is piqued. This could be their only opportunity. 
“I’ll show you.” Nesta stands, pushing Cassian’s hand off her lap. “I saw them one day. I’ll show you.” 
Rhys, Feyre, and Azriel all turn towards her - disbelief clear on all their expressions.
“No.” Elain remains firm, turning to her sister and giving her a soft smile. She appreciates the effort but she knows it won’t be enough. “He needs to see it from my perspective.”
She faces Rhys once more and repeats herself. “Let me show you.”
Rhys closes his eyes for half a second but nods once. 
Elain opens the gates to her mind when Rhys asks for access and then she begins to pull memories, letting him see and feel everything just as she had. 
She starts at the very beginning - let’s him experience that initial flutter of interest that she’d felt the very first time she met Azriel. She lets him see the glimpses of all the quiet conversations they had, lets him feel the relief that had flooded her body when she saw him walk into the tent in Hybern’s camp. She summons memories of the way he’d been the only source of light in her life during her darkest days, the moment he’d been the one person to see her for what she was when even her Mate had failed. 
She shows him the memory of Solstice and the aftermath that followed, the countless nights that she spent crying herself to sleep as she tried to figure out what had gone wrong. 
Elain brings Rhys into what was possibly the most emotionally vulnerable moment of her life - that first night in the hallway where she’d confronted Azriel and laid her whole heart out in front of him. She made sure that Rhys saw that she’d been the one to instigate the conversation, made certain that he heard how Azriel had tried to do what he had once thought was right. 
She pulls memories of the way Azriel looked at her, the softness and reverence in his eyes and voice as they exchanged whispered words in closets and garden sheds. She shows him the way he relaxes around her - the way he laughs, the way he smiles, the gentleness with which he touches her. 
Elain shows him that very last night - the affection in Azriel’s eyes as he watched her in the early hours of the morning before she’d fallen asleep. She lets him see the way he’d wiped the never ending tears from her eyes and held her close, whispering promises that he’d always find his way back to her. 
She lets Rhys view and feel it all. Each intimate moment that couldn’t be written off as just simple physical attraction. She lets him into every moment that should’ve been just between her and Azriel, allows him to feel that light between them that neither of them had ever been able to explain. 
It’s so emotionally exhausting to go through it all that her knees practically give out when she finally retreats from her mind. It’s only Nesta’s arm around her waist that keeps her standing. 
Elain can’t keep her hands from trembling as she looks up at Rhys. She doesn’t dare look over at Azriel. 
She can’t get a read of Rhysand’s face as he stands in front of his desk. There isn’t even a hint in his expression that she’s just shared some of her most cherished and vulnerable moments with him.
It feels like hours before he moves even a muscle but her breath hitches when she sees the slightest tick of his jaw. 
“You love her.” He pivots to Azriel. It’s a statement, not a question. But he still looks at his Spymaster for confirmation.
Nesta’s grip tightens around Elain’s waist. She still can’t bring herself to look at him so she keeps her eyes on Rhys, only breaking to look once at Feyre, who’s tear lined gaze shifts from Elain to Azriel as she too, awaits his answer.
“I’ve been in love with her for ages.” His voice is barely a whisper but his words are assured. Elain can’t help the whimper of relief that escapes her as she gives in and looks over to him only to see that his hazel eyes are already on her. 
“Gods.” Rhys mutters under his breath. “This is to stay within this house. Not a single person outside of the Inner Circle can know about this. Certainly not her Mate. Not until we figure out how to handle this.” 
Rhys gives Azriel a long pointed look before returning his attention to Elain. 
She fights the urge to make a comment about how they’d done a damn good job of keeping things a secret from him these past few months but she holds her tongue lest he change his mind. 
“You’ll still be expected to appear next to Lucien in public. Whether you agree with me or not, this is a serious matter that will backfire if it isn’t handled correctly.”
“Okay.” Elain nods quickly, her fingertips begin to itch with anticipation. 
“Okay.” Rhys says, begrudgingly.
“Really?” Elain can’t keep the hope out of her voice, nor can she stop the tears of relief that pool in her eyes. 
“Yes.” The words are barely out of his mouth before she turns and crosses the room, practically sprinting towards Azriel.
… 
Azriel catches her easily, his arms winding tight around her waist as he lifts her off the ground. Her dress is a whirlwind of colour around them as he spins her once.
He can hardly believe it. It doesn’t feel real to hold her like this in front of everyone after months of only having her in secret. She’d sacrificed so much for this, given up parts of herself to fight for this. For them. He didn’t know how he’d ever convey how much what she had just done meant to him. He didn’t know if he’d ever fully forgive Rhys for letting it go that far but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind, in favor of focusing on the beautiful female currently in his arms.
“I love you.” Azriel murmurs, staring deep into her eyes as he says the words directly to her for the very first time. He leans into her touch when she places both of her hands on either side of his face and looks down from where he’s still holding her off the floor and against his body. “I love you, Elain.”
“I love you.” She cries, dipping her head down to bring her lips to his. 
Azriel sets her down, his arms stay safely around her as he kisses her back. It’s soft and slow and entirely too intimate given their surroundings. But for once in his life, he doesn’t care. He pays no mind to Rhysand taking a seat at his desk, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. He hardly sees Feyre standing next to him with a bright smile on her face and tears in her eyes.  
It’s a relief to have her like this. It’s a weight off his shoulder to no longer have to hide, at least not within these walls. He was well practiced in keeping secrets, but it had killed him to bring into this. To have her hide a whole part of her life from her sisters. To have her live in the shadows with him when she was such a bright light on her own.
Azriel knows there’s more to be done. That they still aren’t in the clear. That they may never be in the clear. He knows that there’s more at risk, that so many things could go wrong. But the risk was worth it for the reward of knowing that Elain was his.
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fimproda · 28 days
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The Day Court in Sol niger
The Day Court Libraries
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isalisewrites · 21 days
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A little word of motivation from Isa
It's Sunday for me again where I attend a Mormon church meeting. Going used to burden my mental health, but now I am unaffected. To me now, it is a gathering of people who like to participate in rituals and community surrounding their fandom niche. Even if they take it a step further and believe their fandom is based in reality
After posting my latest chapter for Terrible, But Great and seeing the overwhelmingly beautiful responses to my personal conflict with a Mormon family member, I felt such gratitude on a multitude of levels. Sometimes, I question myself about sharing such things because I'm really NOT trying to vent or garner attention through the experiences in my life.
If I'm to attract attention, I'd much rather it be from my writing
I want to lift and to inspire. I am more assured of my path even more now. To those of you out there who still attend your religious meetings to keep the peace in your homes, all while you no longer believe, please acknowledge your strength and your endurance.
You are powerful.
You have awakened and that was an immensely difficult process. You've gone through a terrible loss, yet you're still here.
Remember, even while you're still physically attending meetings, the beliefs of others have no power over you. Your essence, your soul, your consciousness, whatever you call the you within, it cannot be bound by their beliefs. You are spiritually free.
Keep hanging in there. You are so strong for holding your tongue, for keeping your silence. There is nothing wrong in not telling anyone your beliefs. You owe nothing to anyone.
It's going to be okay. It's going to get better.
I might know that Mormonism isn't true, but that doesn't mean I don't believe that we all have special paths and journeys unique to us.
I was always meant to go through a faith deconstruction. I was always meant to share my story with others, so that it could comfort at least one person. I send you hope, comfort, and love. You will not only survive, you will thrive.
Remember, you are loved.
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merakimoonglade · 2 months
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Snippet Sunday - Shadowlight
From chapter 1:
Azriel exhaled softly, deeply. If she hadn’t studied him so much Elain would have missed the tensing of his shoulders, the twitch of his fingers.
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I don't really like how everyone makes Severus Snape's mom seem like a good person. Yes, she was his mother and he loved her and always will love her, but she was very neglectful. Yes, she was a victim of abuse, but she STILL neglected her own child. Everyone idolizes the relationship between Severus and his mother...but it wasn't even good. Please remember that just because his mother didn't physically abuse him, it does not mean that she didn't abuse him mentally. Even if she didn't mean to neglect Severus (which I'm sure she didn't mean to), she still did. And you can see the impact it had on him.
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