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bluepulsebluepulse · 10 months

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To the DDoS Attackers of AO3

I’m going to try and force my thoughts into some semblance of order regarding the recent DDoS attack against AO3; which is extremely hard to do considering I am so angry that I can barely think straight.

I may not know exactly who was behind this… I may not even know the true motivations or goals of the individuals behind this attack… But the one thing I do know is this…

Whoever you are... You deserve to experience suffering on a level that equates to all the grief you’ve caused others through your selfish actions.

Now, I know that wishing pain upon others isn’t taking the high road, but I’m simply incapable of it with everything currently going on in the world. These people are denying access to a service that many people, quite frankly, need.

AO3 is not defined just by it’s content.

It’s a place to escape reality; a coping mechanism. It’s something that improves quality of life. This is especially important for those who experience mental health issues and struggle with conditions like depression, anxiety, and more. For some, it’s the only way to find comfort after a long, hard day at work. For others, it’s literally an aid to help them fall asleep.

It’s a creative outlet. Suffice to say, exercising your brain is vital to good mental well-being. In addition, writing can also allow people to express their emotions, process grief or trauma, and gain clarity on issues going on in their own life. It’s cathartic. It’s happiness. It’s art.

It’s a place to make friends and embrace communal positivity and support. Whilst it may not be one of the most common places to make friends, it does happen. And for those who met elsewhere, it’s still a place to bond and share gifts. More than that, it’s the place associated with that rewarding feeling that you get when you either give or receive kudos’, comments and bookmarks on works. All that stands between smiling all day is one flattering comment.

And that’s me just getting started… AO3 is so many things, but because I’m trying not to write an autobiography right now, I’m trying to keep this rant to a minimum. Besides, I want to save my energy for the next work I end up writing.

I don’t care if AO3 contains content that could be considered heinous, repulsive or downright twisted to the point that some may need therapy after reading it. The point is, if it’s not hurting anybody, or impeding upon anybody’s rights as a human being, then it should be allowed. This of course comes with the caveat that a tagging system must be enforced to correctly identify potential triggers to readers (which AO3 offers). The only way this system fails is if writers accidentally or intentionally mislead readers by incorrectly tagging their work (which is rare - and there are also ways to rectify this including communication with the content owner or submitting a report to AO3).

Above all else, adults are more than capable of navigating the site and consuming whatever content interests them. They’re also capable of evaluating the risks involved with specific works that may be an issue for them. For any readers under the age of eighteen, parents or caregivers should be held responsible for deciding whether to manage content consumption or to disallow access altogether. It’s the same concept as choosing whether or not to see a film based on its rating or locking the adult channels on a television.

I understand that the issue here isn’t the tagging system; it’s the content itself. But the attackers’ efforts to stop freedom of speech are futile and pointless. If the AO3 fanbase aren’t reading or sharing content on AO3, we’ll do it elsewhere.

So again… Turning my attention to those who are responsible for this attack… I know I’m probably wasting my breath here but…

Get a life and go do something that’s actually meaningful with it.

#just me things #rant

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astraltrickster · 10 months

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Tbh that shit I was ranting about in the tags of that one post, about why I feel alienated from artist communities online, is a huge part of why I hate the way the word "entitlement" (derogatory) has no set meaning

Because on the one hand, in fandom spaces especially, there are a lot of people who act...for lack of a better term, super fucking entitled to an endless stream of free content that caters to their exact specific tastes and get really pissy if you dare to create anything for YOURSELF rather than for THEM and excuse you how DARE you make an AU or have a different headcanon--

On the other hand, holy fucking shit, online artist communities...I've been in and out of them for over a decade and the level of drama and blatant hypocrisy I've seen is off the fucking charts. Love how many FANartists are so aggressive about copyright that they'll accuse someone of stealing their OC for having a vaguely similar and very common color palette. Who will talk about all their influences and then stick "DO NOT TAKE INSPIRATION FROM MY WORK" on their profiles - and that's not hyperbole, I've seen it, verbatim! If I had a dollar for every fucking artist I've seen who thought they were the sole true owner of an extremely generic composition...well, I'd definitely have a nice set of ring splints by now. Dare I even mention the omegaverse lawsuit?

And the thing is, the people who take these attitudes to these extremes are a tiny, TINY minority - but...they're loud enough to have an impact on others. Even if it's not to such an extreme as "I can't believe I have to stop my pirated movie marathon to file another DMCA, how could this person really think they could get away with it, an OC with blue hair and angel wings is MY idea!" there's still a pervasive attitude of "copyright maximalism for me, but minimalism for everyone I can argue is Bigger than me" that really goes unquestioned in a lot of these spaces. Similarly, between that horrible loud minority in fandom and corporate Astroturfing fandom spaces, it really feels like a lot of non-fanartists see fanart as being part of the actual canon, that just springs forth fully formed from the ether, even in spaces where people...nominally know better

So some people will treat hobby art like a side hustle in the sense of "well with the state of the economy today everyone could use more security so if you're gonna act like I'm here to provide YOU a service, fuck off, pay me" which is honestly totally fair, and some will just be hopeful that people will be generous toward people who make them happy but not have any expectations or demands thereof which is also cool, and some will sell actual goods and services which is totally fine, and some people will press the fact that if you want other people to make fan work that caters to you personally then commissioning them will be a lot more effective than just complaining that you're right and they're wrong and just generally being a giant penis, which is also completely true and fair, but others will indeed have every ounce of leftism just leave their bodies when you point out that drawing blorbo from your shows doesn't make them uniquely MORE deserving of survival than anyone else/that the people they're complaining about "stealing [their] jobs" and even the "lazy consumers" need to eat too, or ask them to examine their beliefs about IP law for internal consistency and stop equating legality to morality whenever it benefits them, or even just come up with a meaningful set of standards for what constitutes small enough to be "sacred" vs. big enough that derivative work is inevitable (ask me about what I call the Mario Kart model of copyright, that I propose until art is no longer a Market under capitalism)

And some people will be critical of the Patreon/Ko-fi/etc. economy and the flaws of the culture in online artist spaces for those reasons...but others will be critical of it because they're really really mad that those uppity snobs don't know their place and need to just make pretty things for them to mindlessly consume without even so much as a moment of basic human connection beyond hitting a button, or that they themselves aren't popular enough on the internet to get any kind of mutual aid...in the kind of way where they'd throw everyone like themselves under the bus just as hard if their own internet identity became Marketable enough; the problem isn't that PEOPLE in general get left out of this "merit"-based model but the fact that THEY PERSONALLY do

And all of the above will call some or all of the attitudes across the gap "entitled" and from that word there's no way to fucking tell whether the complaint is rational or not

And it's honestly one of my least favorite things about internet culture

#art talk #internet culture #serious tag

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oblivions-dawn · 2 years

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Showing My Process Because I Was Kindly Asked

Rules: When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag 5 people. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

I know you were already tagged @thequeenofthewinter but I'm tagging you again! c; And thank you @theartofimaginaryfriends for tagging me!! Now I have the daunting task of choosing which story to rant about because I have. Too many. All works-in-progress, some in better places than others . . . I suppose it's only right that I talk about my published story despite it undergoing heavy construction right now, Petrichor!

✑ Inspiration

Petrichor is, obviously, just my long-imagined, finally fulfilling dream of writing a more in-depth version of the Dovahkiin and Serana's journey. I love Serana. There's so much to her character--and yet, there's so much more that's left unsaid about her. After spending years daydreaming of my fanfiction-to-be, I decided that I would pour my soul into her, breathe life into my Dovahkiin and Serana, and fill in the cracks that Bethesda left out for me to fill. What started off as just fun scenes and one-shots is now being converted into the full-fledged fanfiction it deserves to be! And I hope I can continue to do it justice for as long as I'm writing it

✑ Preparation

If I do any kind of preparing at all, it's usually handwritten-in-black-gel-pen ideas in notebooks or typing small reminders regarding plot right at the top or bottom of the page--enough to remind me of what I want to achieve with a character within said chapter and, hopefully, motivate me to do so. Sometimes I'll even put character notes, descriptions of their appearance and/or personalities because taking notes is really helpful for me personally--it sticks a little better to my brain that way.

✑ Art Process

My writing process is probably every fanfiction/published writer's nightmare. I don't keep drafts. If I rewrite something, that original writing is gone for good. If I want to change it back, I write what it once was from memory. Why, why do you torment yourself this way, you ask!? Because I thoroughly believe that having multiple drafts stumps my creativity. I may refer to my original writing when rewriting something, but I do my best to not re-read it entirely. I take snippets that I like and extend them, create something new. Some of my best writing has come from deleting entire paragraphs and rewriting them from memory. Why this works, I don't know; perhaps my mind distorts and warps what was originally there and is able to bend it in ways I couldn't see when it was written there in front of me. Every writer has their weird process and this just happens to be mine. I also am very imaginative--I vividly see the scenes as they occur in my head, like a movie in real time. Sometimes I crawl into a character's skin to know their emotions and thoughts, other times I have to make them talk to me through it. And, to top it off, I write in Word 90% of the time. I'm . . . not sorry. If it's not broke, I'm not switching!

✑ Thoughts

Petrichor has been . . . a journey. For a long time I was happy with the one-shot format as it was, finding time between classes to be a little creative and happy to write something I wanted to write. But now I'm graduated from college and I realised that I need to practise writing full-length novels--and what better way to do that then to do it to my fanfiction? Writing essays has made me rusty and it's time I sharpened my creative fiction pen for the real world. And I hope everyone that reads it enjoys it as much as I have! I fully intend on finishing it, but when that will be I can't say. For now, I'm writing when I can and taking breaks away from it when necessary to make sure that my writing is almost always as good as it can be. c:

#Senu Dialogue #tag game #showyourprocess #Now that I've rambled for 50 years

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tsunderedoctor · 2 years

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When or if you get a chance, for my moss heads husbands birthday on the 11th, could you do him and his female s/o. Basically she finds out she's pregnant and is confirmed (by law if you want) and so she gets a baby outfit saying 'You think I'm Cute, you should see my dad' and hands it to him for his birthday (bonus if s/o is Mihawk's kid).

Sorry if its long and complicated >_<

I will post this on his birthday (so, I'm writing this on the 10th, but you won't see it till the 11th)!! Happy Birthday Mosshead!🍻💕💕 I didn’t add the Mihawk part, just because I felt it was a bit too specific and I want others to enjoy it too, but please feel free to image the reader is Mihawk’s kid! Reader is female!

Just in case; tw/cw for mentions of pregnancy

Babe Below~!

Roronoa Zoro

The rest of the day had passed in a blur for the green headed man, most of his crew were ranting about him not wanting to celebrate his birthday for another year, but he didn’t see the point nor cared, it was just another day. Though one thing did bother the man, he hadn’t seen you much of the day. Not that it being his birthday was the problem, it just wasn’t like you to be gone for so long.

Hearing the other two women of the crew talk amongst themselves as they made their way over to the lounging man. Nami gave him a look of annoyance while Robin only smiled, both knowing something he didn’t. Raising a brow at them, Robin only giggled while Nami let out a huff. “I swear, you don’t deserve y/n, I can’t believe it.”

Annoyed at her words, he went to speak up, but Robin beat him to it as she placed a hand on the ginger girl’s shoulder. “Now, now, we can’t prevent what happens between lovers, besides I think he will be just fine.”

More confused than annoyed now, he asked where you were as Robin let him know you were with Chopper in the small clinic of the ship. Nodding, he made his way over to see you leaving, a look of surprise on your face. “Zoro! Happy Birthday!”

Running over to the samurai, hugging him as you looked up at the man with a smile. “I have your birthday present, sorry it took awhile.”

Shrugging his shoulders, he didn’t really mind, still curious to know why you were in the clinic in the first place, but your excitement at seeing him open the small thin box led him to wait on his question. Opening the box, Zoro stared at the cloth in confusion, the wording go over his head.

“Oi, if this is for me, how do you know what my dad looks like?” Giving him a look, you took out the cloth and showed him the onesie, smiling once more, hoping he understood now. Again, he just stared in confused frustration. “I can’t wear this, you made it too small!”

“Oh my god, you idiot, she’s pregnant!” Both of you facing the annoyed red headed woman, she groaned in annoyance at the scene in front of her. Laughing awkwardly, you turned back to your lover as he stared at the onesie in shock. Waiting patiently for his reaction, the man only smirked a bit in thought as he looked back up at you. “Guess I beat Dartboard Brow at this too, huh?”

Tag List: @angeltani @admiral-hiba @luxiditea @macdonaldsmanager @onepieceya @undercoverweeeb @simping-master-69 @chocolate-n-cheese @rivvd-art @kodi-bear and anyone else who wants to join in!

#tsunderedoctor #ask #cw mentions of pregnancy #tw for mentions of pregnancy #roronoa zoro #zoro #one piece zoro #zoro roronoa x reader #roronoa zoro x reader #zoro x reader #zoro x you #zoro x y/n #one piece #one piece scenarios

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fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy · 3 years

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Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

#tales of arcadia #rise of the titans #trollhunters #rott #rise of the titans spoilers #rott spoilers #toa #3 below #athena's own original post!#jim lake jr #claire nuñez #toby domzalski

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kimnjss · 4 years

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grand gesture | ksj

⤑ series: sugar free

⤑ genre: angst, rich!jin x artist!reader, college au.

⤑ rating: PG13

⤑ word count: 1.5K

⤑ warnings: there aren’t any, lmao.

⤑ A/N: this is a bit short, but it’s straight to the point and meant to be that way!! just felt like this part worked better written then told through text, so yeah you’ll see what i mean! let me know what you think x

A full week passed. A full week of ignored gifts being dumped on your front porch. You were seriously considering selling them, no desire to collect his half ass-ed apology. This was the exact reason why you were hesitant to get involved with him in the first place. He was exactly like how you thought he'd be.

Of course, he'd approach you on a bet. Of course, this would all be about money. It was all that kid cared about. The way he was flaunting it, trying to buy your forgiveness was proof enough. Did he not get it? Was he that dim?

The only thing that bothered you about this whole situation was the time you wasted hanging around him. All that time you could've used working on projects or perfecting your craft... spent and wasted with the hope of trying to get to know the guy. What a waste.

Despite the constant interruption of a knock at your front door, you had decided that you were going to use all this new free time to concentrate on your art. Summoning all the inspiration you could to create... something. It actually was harder than you thought, feeling unbelievably uninspired and a little bit sad.

From your friends, you had requested they didn't pop in whenever they wanted. Felt like you'd work better if you had a chance to be alone. What you didn't realize was that with all this alone time you really had a chance to evaluate your feelings... what you had been suppressing since that night out with Jin.

It had been obvious to the people around you, but you refused to listen. It was hard to ignore now. You were a bit sad, to be honest. It had been a while since you were able to let go and actually enjoy being around someone... romantically, and you hadn't expected it at first but you really were starting to like him.

Things were comfortable around him, he was funny in a nice way, cared a lot about keeping things light, and actually listened when you ranted about whatever was bugging you at the time. It had only been a few weeks spent with him, two dates in that time but you really enjoyed yourself.

A little bummed that it had to end this way. Couldn't help but wonder if you had overreacted, if you should have listened when he tried to text you about it. Stopped being so stubborn and forgave him like everyone had said that you should. Maybe then you wouldn't be this miserable, suffering from this horrible artist's block, you didn't even know if you were holding your paintbrush correctly.

The welcomed knock on your door had you standing a little too quickly, ready to ditch this blank canvas and see whatever had been sent your way. Nothing came in yesterday and you had assumed he got the hint... hoped he hadn't.

There's an arch in your brow at the lack of delivery man at your front door. With confusion written in your features, you're putting the front door open; eyes landing on a sad-looking Seokjin. He's dressed casually, opposite of the expensive tops and form-fitting jeans he usually put on. Pair of joggers and a plain t-shirt. The change was nice, made him look younger.

He shifted on his feet, hands behind his back eyes trained on his sneakers. You had to fight the smile that pushed it's way onto your lips, happy to see him standing in front of you – but quickly reminding yourself why he had to show up like this in the first place. Main priority was to be strong in this situation, figure out what he was doing here and deal with it. Not swoon and go all heart-eyed just because he showed up.

He should've shown up before all of this.

“What are you doing here? No ridiculously expensive coat to add to the donation pile?” Jin shifts at the sound of your voice, lifting his head to look up at you. He looks sad that you can't help but wonder if you're being a bit mean to him.

Although, him betting on your sex life was pretty mean in itself, right? Getting you to like him just to turn around and make you apart of some sick joke, that's mean.

“N-no, no gifts... they weren't working anyway,” He sighs, arm reaching up to rub at the back of his neck in the awkward way you notice he was always doing. Couldn't believe you had started to find the action cute.

“Yeah, sucks. You can't buy someone's forgiveness,” There's bite in your tone but he doesn't flinch, just looks down nodding his head. “Yeah, I deserve that. I shouldn't have treated this like some business transaction. I hurt you... I should've manned up and came to you.”

You're reading to rip into him again until his words are registering in your mind. Did he come here to... apologize? Eyes blinking as you stare at him, Jin takes your silence as a sign he should continue.

“Yn, I'm sorry. I hate that I fucked with you like that and even more that you're upset. I know you won't forgive me, I'm not expecting you to... I just figured I should at least say it, like for real, you know? We were having a good time together and I really like you, so I owe you at least a proper apology.”

There's a warmth that spreads throughout your body at hearing his words. Not sure if it was from the apology or the fact that he had just told you... to your face, that he liked you. What you had been wanting to hear this entire week was an explanation from him, not through text and not in the form of some designer shoes... like a real explanation. Could see yourself forgiving him if he gave you that.

“Why'd you do it?” Your voice is quieter than you remember as if you're afraid of the reason. Either way, you don't back down. Staring straight at him as if you're strong, waiting to hear what he has to say. “Because I liked you. And I know how stupid that sounds, but I was too chicken shit to do something about it... so I just used the bet as an excuse,”

Jin had said that you didn't have to forgive him, but that didn't stop the hopeful look in his eyes. Watching as you tossed his words around in your head, waiting for that smile of yours to appear as you told him that it was all okay. That you forgave him and if he promised he never did something stupid like this again, you two could go back to falling for each other as you had been before.

It didn't come. Instead, you were just nodding, taking a step back into your house. “Alright, well... thanks for coming here and apologizing.”

“So that's it?” The words are falling from his lips before he has a chance to stop them. Not realizing how expectant they sound, how he had promised himself he wouldn't act that way at this moment because he knew you hated it. “I mean... were you thinking we could, maybe, try again?” You can hear the hope in his voice and you don't miss it.

Did you want to try again? Let him in all over again as he attempted to break down your walls, he had done a pretty good job at it before. Were you ready for all that? All that came with being with him... like actually being with him. Before it had been different, you weren't sure of your feelings then, but now, you knew that you'd want more from him. An actual relationship. Would he even be able to do that?

“Was that what you were hoping for? Why you came by to apologize?” He's shaking his head before the words can fully leave your mouth.

“No, I came here because you deserved a proper apology because I was sick of being a coward about all of this. I want to be with you because... well because you're amazing and I don't want to miss out on that,” He's offering a small smile up to you, one you're returning almost instantly.

Still, there's something holding you back, but you're unable to place it. Needed to figure out what it was before you were leaping into a relationship with the guy. “Could I...? Could I think about it?”

“Yes, yeah!” The smile on his lips grows as he steps off of your porch, mission accomplished. “Take all the time you need to think about it... you can call me when you decide? My numbers the same!” You can't help but laugh at his quick shift of demeanor, the way he basically runs down your driveway before you can change your mind.

You stand and watch the entire time he jogs down the street until he's ducking into his car, and speeding off with a wave out the window. A hand lifts to wave back, heart thudding in your chest as you stepped back into your house. About to give this situation some serious thought... were you really going to be able to handle being with Kim Seokjin?

– rich, spoiled and a bit of a womanizer. but underneath all of that, there’s a heart of gold. and no matter how determined she is to reject him, he won’t stop trying until she sees he’s kinda sweet.

↲ masterlist ↳

taglist: @randomkoalablog @smoljams @dee-ehn @jaiuneamesolitaiire @lilacdreams-00 @sw33tnight @bangtansonyeondayyyum @okblve @jinhitwhore @tae165 @hellotherehoneybee @bangtansbun @betysotelo18 @cherriigguk @koostime @kooinluv @butterflylion @kookiesjoonies @uxwi @honeyoongles @imajiningseokjin @amoreguk @beeeb05 @tommasauras @bluefaeriefury @butterflylion @withlovestudyblr @samros95 @korkanswers @houseofarmanto @soulstaes @thesunisup-theskyisblue @jinsearth @aizuwusho @moonb0yy @tan-dulset @8sjaf @mini-coop25 @marifujioka @sunskook @elliemeetsevil @ratking101 @leovaldezisfire @greyaceupyoursleeve @emmy17jane

A/N: timestamps are important throughout the fic!! if you want to be added to the taglist, send me an ask! also if you asked to be on the taglist and aren’t on there, it’s because tumblr sometimes doesn’t let me tag ppl for some reason.

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xuseokgyu · 3 years

Note

Send this to blogs anonymously and ask them to ship their moots with svt <3

Oh it’s my turn to do this now... ok omg... here it goes haha

Cheol + Dreamy @scoupsy - We all know but I was just reminded how popular Coups is 😂 I had many options, but I feel like Dreamy’s personality and his would match a lot. I feel that, like him, she’s very mature, but can let go and be “an 8yo” sometimes. Was reading her carrd and could picture them playing video games together haha

Hannie + Karol @secndlife - I know she’s in a Hoshi mood right now (and thank god for that we got a 33k word beautiful love letter) But one of my favorite things to see on my dash is the ‘love battle’ between her and other moots calling her out on her simp agenda towards Jeonghan hahaha They would bicker a lot but be super soft in other moments too

Shua + Kevin @jaemtens - Haven’t talked much to Kevin personally, but I just can’t help linking these two. I honestly think they would match up perfectly

Jun + Emily @iiasha - I mean!!! I also can’t help but link these two... She will appreciate him like he deserves and I feel like they would be like those couples you love to be friends with? Effortlessly funny and not all over each other making you feel uncomfortable as a third wheel

Hoshi + Chey @soonhoonsol - THEY WOULD BE SO CUTE! I can’t help but think of that beach date moodboard where we talked about her eating ice cream with him and they being all messy, funny and adorable! He would feel her days with joy and so would she and they would also be each other safe haven

Wonwoo + Sistah @haniehae - I was between Cheol and Wonwoo for her, but just like I won’t ship her with Jeonghan cause they are literally the same person, I also feel like her’s and Coup’s personalities would clash too much, two lions fighting for dominance and attention hahah Wonwoo on the other hand would be the perfect pair. They would be a more introverted couple, many cozy home dates and soft moments.

Woozi + Carrie @art-hao - Freaking power couple!!!! Two extremely talented people that will love and appreciate each other a lot. I can see them working on lyrics together with their deep minds and maturity, but both can also be silly and cute and aaahhh they would be perfect

Hao + Gabi @myunqho - These two!! I feel like they would be those couples that loose track of time and go until morning having deep talks about life, past, present and future... I can clearly picture that. Gabi let me be your mother-in-law!! Hahah

Gyu + Val @defgyus - Another power couple!! I love how we talk about fighting him ahhaha Enemies to lovers vibe without ever being really enemies at all. He would spoil her endless and she deserves it #mingyuhousewife for the win

DK + Mi @ourseokmin - Mirelle is the person I trust to shower this insecure boy with all the praise he deserves and you know he would shower her with love too!! Aaahhh they would be so sweet 💕💕 maybe too sweet ahahha but they would love it

Seungkwan + Isa @boosbin - I can see her rolling her eyes at his antics while loving it all the same haha They would have so much fun!! Bicker a lot but also be sooo caring towards each other ahah So cute

Vernon + Tiff @junsol - I haven’t talked with Tiff a lot yet, but she is always the one I instantly connect to Vernon, maybe because of her tag rants, maybe because they genuinely have the same vibe... They totally deserve each other and they would be so cool 😎 together

Dino + Yza @jonghan - My favorite Dinonara!!! Again, someone I see truly appreciating the greatness that is Lee Chan. I can picture her watching his dance practices and maybe being the only one that can convince him he can rest, he already looks perfect. I feel like Dino would be such a soft bf!! A really sweet couple 💕

This was slightly harder than I thought, I had some more options for some of the members, but I’m happy with this list

Love you all 💕💕 and for the moots that weren’t mentioned here feel free to ask me who I would ship you with (is most likely your bias cause those are the ones I see you talk about a lot, but I know is nice to hear it hahahah)

#My lovely moots!!!#I wasn’t going to write a little ‘‘why’’ for each one but I figured it was better like this ehhe #hope y’all are doing fine #seventeen #ask #anon #Hi Dreamy 🐺#Hi Karol 🌻#Hi Kevin!#Hi Emily 🥑#Hi Chey 🍉#Hi Sistah 🥈#Hi Carrie 🦔🥝#Hi Gabi 🐸#Hi Val 🍓#Hi Mirelle 🍊#Hi Tiff 🍓#Hi Yza 🍬

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infinitetab · 3 years

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Musings on BTS & Mixtapes

I remember briefly going through twt and seeing some fans fight about supporting/gushing about a single member’s mixtape vs all members getting a mixtape (some posts got ugly and I left to go peruse other tags, so if someone would like to expand on the discourse/I got it wrong, I’m all ears). And then I read romanticdrift’s post and wanted to expand on my personal thoughts about mixtapes being made by the members.

Mixtapes are a personal, intimate project that’s chosen as the form some BTS members (and other artists in general) express and sort out feelings, emotions, and memories.

(To be honest, before BTS I thought of mixtapes as a “CD/tape that someone puts together (sometimes for themselves, sometimes for others) to convey a single emotion or feeling”. While we’re on the topic, if you want a vmin fanfic rec, please read nonheather’s mudlands & yellow acacia -- the imagery is so very pretty and soft, the plot heartwarming and introspective)

Mixtapes (specifically for BTS) are absolutely a personal project. The members are already working around the clock and have an insane schedule -- to go out of your way and make time to work on something? And it being multiple “something”s (songs) that you’re working on spanning months, maybe even years? The motivation and sheer want to put it all down is awe-inspiring in itself. And no member (or artist) should be shamed when they express their wanting to craft one/wanting to release one, and the widespread recognition after the release is deserving.

What is incredibly personal about mixtapes is the content they hold. The songs within are the result of the artist trying to put into words and beats these emotions and feelings they have. Memories they want to make permanent, strings of thoughts being turned into carefully picked out words. You’re throwing your heart out there and then using your mind to choose how to best express the intangible feelings you have. And then for the members to actually willingly share it with us, to let us listen and be privy to a glimpse of what they’re thinking and feeling? I tear up sometimes.

Also another thing -- mixtapes take a lot of effort and work. Writing/producing/composing a song from an idea you have? One of those things alone can take months. And then doing not just 1 but all? For a plethora of songs you’re putting on a mixtape? AND doing it around a busy schedule that you have to find personal time to work on it? ...sometimes (all the times) I’m blown away by it all. Again, it’s a personal project -- I’m sure they get burned out. Maybe some days they don’t even want to think about it. It doesn’t mean they aren’t serious about it anymore -- they just need to take some time away from something that was supposed to be cathartic before they start hating it or it causing them stress when it was supposed to be the opposite.

Which is why I’m personally fine whenever these mixtapes come out. Again, the members are choosing to share them with us -- it’s cruel to start badgering them about, “when is ___ going to come out??” because not only are they not obligated to make and then share them with us, but also because it’s piling more stress on them. It’s different from a studio album -- this is their inner thoughts going out for the world to see and judge (the latter unwarranted because who are you to judge something so personal)(I have feelings about how things like art and songs are graded and judged but that’s a different rant).

(Also, keep in mind the confirmation that BE had at least 2 songs on there that were originally supposed to be on their personal mixtapes (JK-Stay, TH-Blue&Grey). Also that “Your Eyes Tell” was also supposed to be on JK’s mixtape. There are holes now that maybe they have to re-think. Personally if I was JK I’d space out and wonder, “Hum...do I need to make something else now?”)

But, and here’s the thing, mixtapes are only one form, one outlet for the personal things the members are going through.

Out of the group, NJ and YG are the two members to have released more than one mixtape (and if someone would like to gush with me just the evolution? or difference/similarities from RM-->Mono and Agust D-->D-2? Please, I have so many feelings), so I think it’s safe to say that song-writing/producing/composing is a method they find helps them the most in working out their inner thoughts (they’re also the ones who’ve expressed and pursued this the longest).

But that’s only one way to work it out. Maybe people work out their thoughts by having a private conversation with a close friend/confidant. Maybe people work it out by writing in a journal, a blog. Maybe people work it out by researching and trying to find answers, meeting similar-minded people along the way. Maybe they pour it out into their responsibilities at the time, having it be fuel but also sit on the back burner. The point is that there are multiple ways one works out their thoughts, and some (if not most) are very private methods that don’t go beyond people they trust. That should be respected.

That isn’t to say the method one chooses to express themselves can’t change.

I’d argue that out of the members, SJ, HS, and JM are the most private. All the members are private and have personal moments they don’t share (which is okay and valid and they owe us nothing), but the three above are very close-lipped to us as fans (I personally think they have “professional/work/what I show to the public” vs “casual/off-camera/what I show to close friends and family” distinctions very clear in their minds compared to the others). Their method of sorting through things probably reflects this.

We are seeing them try out other methods though to sort things out, specifically song-writing (the last months of 2020 alone with “Abyss” and “Christmas Love”). Maybe they’ll find this a cathartic method and will pursue again. Maybe they saw it as helpful to work out something specific but don’t see them doing it again. Either way, I think we should be happy that they’ve found ways that helped them get their thoughts out instead of bottling them inside.

This probably got convoluted and scatter-brained along the way and I don’t know if I got everything I wanted to say out, but basically: people have different ways they sort out their inner thinking. If BTS members choose to do this via mixtape, that’s okay. If BTS members choose to do this another way, that’s okay too.

Would I be happy and excited that HS drops another solo mixtape or that SJ and JM choose to release one? Absolutely. Oh man, what if I was able to have “Tonight” and “Abyss” on spotify I think I’d cry. Would I be fine if they didn’t release any mixtapes in the near future? Of course. Do I think we need to tone down our happiness for TH and JK’s mixtapes? Absolutely not (though we have to be careful about being happy for them vs causing pressure and stress). Will I support whatever the members choose to share with us? Undoubtedly and with my whole heart.

#bts #and although it's not really about them but I was inspired by analyses on them #vmin #musings #is there a solo song you found yourself relating to the most or just really really love?#please gush about bts songs with me I have the feelings

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drunklander · 4 years

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Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 512

Looking for a way to spend Mother’s Day? Well, we here at Outlander have the perfect idea! Celebrate with the women you love by watching us gang rape grannie!

This episode is like the perfect storm of everything that is wrong with Outlander. The cast and crew saying it’s their strongest episode yet when it’s basically artsy gang rape. The CYA trigger warnings when the story would have worked perfectly well without including yet another rape. The kool aid-drinking fans yelling at and acting holier than thou at the fans who rightfully call out the massive problem this show has with rape and assault. The fans yelling at other fans because It’S iN tHe BoOk so it has to be included. The fans yelling at other fans for wanting to follow the books but not wanting rape every 0.5 seconds. The fans yelling at other fans to fuck off if they don’t like the show. The women in the cast throwing out trigger warnings while the men are radio silent or wanting the gladiators to face the plague and fight for their own amusement. It literally has everything.

And I am tired.

I’ve been in this fandom for six years and have had quite a journey. From first discovering the show and immediately devouring the books. The honeymoon period where I could headcanon out all the problematic bits. The getting deep into the fandom nonsense. The getting out of the fandom nonsense. The judging the fandom nonsense because it’s funny and they’re all idiots. The getting sick of the fandom nonsense because it’s not even fun to judge the dummies anymore. The becoming more and more aware that it’s impossible to whistle past the problems in the books and the show. The sticking around, holding out hope things might turn around and the initial magic could be recaptured. And finally, the giving up.

The books are trash. The show is trash. There are a handful of good scenes in each which can be enjoyed on their own, but as a whole, holy shit this stuff is not good. (Seriously, I tried to do a Fiery Cross reread before the season started. I started like a year ago and am still only at Jocasta’s wedding because I just don’t care enough to actually get through it.)

Which brings us here. I am tired. I have already ranted and raged and yelled and swore and wrote far too many words about the gratuitous overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. It fucking has its own tag for fuck’s sake.

So here’s a recap. And then I think I’m done looking at this show in detail. Not because the idiot fans insist on coming to my notes to tell me to fuck off if I don’t like the show. Not because the crew are condescending douchecanoes. Not because the author is a misogynist garbage heap. But because spending an hour of my time for a few weeks out of the year to write these things isn’t worth it. I did it for as long as I did because it took so little time. So why not? But yeah, it’s not even worth that tiny commitment anymore.

And to the people who I know will @ me about how no one was forcing me to stick around and I could have quit any time, yeah, no shit captain obvious, I know that. Fuck off already. I stuck around because I really liked the little corner of the fandom that I’d found. I made some awesome friends. Most of those friends have since quit the fandom. I’m really glad to have them in my life outside of this little corner of the internet. And it was a fun writing exercise. I don’t really like the show anymore, but I enjoyed building an argument about why I don’t like it and think it’s bad that has valid points behind it. Especially considering how blindly overly adoring a bunch of the fandom is about it. But now I think I’d rather consume Outlander content as pretty people in pretty period costumes in gifsets. Or like, on in the background but not really paying close attention. Why not quit altogether? Because to quote the great Ron Swanson (I’m halfway through a Parks rewatch and I just love that show a lot ok.), I can do what I want. And besides, there’s like a fucking library’s worth of fics that I haven’t read and have been meaning to. And I like the characters enough to want to keep reading about them in stories that are better than the canon. (Bless you fic writers, blesssss.)

So. Was this whole ramble self-indulgent and overly serious for a fucking TV show? Absofuckinglutely. But please see the aforementioned Swansonism.

Alright, fuckos. Let’s do this.

This is a Roberts brainchild, isn’t it. *checks credits* Yup. Knew it. This feels very much like a Roberts special. In that he is probs quite pleased with himself but like, it’s crap.

Yes, we ARE doing ANOTHER rape story! But look! It’s a disassociation montage! It’s the ‘60s, get it?! There are callbacks! An orange from the king in season 2! A vase from season 1! A rabbit from season 3! An amber-looking dragonfly! Jamie with the young hair spouting off book lines! ApPrEcIaTe MuH aRt! We are so good at finding new and creative ways to rape our characters! Fuck off, twatwaffle. You are the worst.

Like, does Roger feel left out at this point? He’s only been hanged. Literally everyone else has either been raped, been sexually assaulted, or been threatened with rape and/or sexual assault.

“But it’s not gratuitous! Look! They’re all so different! Jamie’s was overly graphic and he got a half a season to brood about! We manged to not show much of Fergus’ (but still showed a thrust) because he’s a child and it was just a plot device for Jamie and not actually about him! Mary’s was about Fred! Claire’s with the king was about Jamie! Jamie’s with Geneva was shot like p0rn! Marsali being threatened by the sailors was to motivate Fergus! Bree’s was about the other people in the room and Roger! Claire’s really has no purpose because she’s already been kidnapped and beaten, and that is super traumatic, and we’re gonna wrap it up with a bow by the end of the episode!”

This fucking show, guys. This fucking show.

Bonus points* for the Black character spouting off the superstitious stuff.

*By bonus points I mean this show, and the books are absolute shit on matters of race. The books especially.

The cast and crew have 100% heard everyone’s thoughts on the overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. And their response has been to include more and more of it. We had a whole season of one character’s arc being about her rape and literally as soon as that was resolved, they gang rape another character. It really does tell you as much as you need to know about them. Lazy. Fucking. Cowards.

Kidnapping not enough trauma? Let’s add some gang rape! Gang rape not enough trauma? Let’s add visualizing that your daughter and grandchild are dead! Just like Fred died! This show really brings trauma p0rn to a whole new level.

Called the Bree and Roger shit.

This scene with the men rallying to go save Claire is like another layer of fuck you. Bree, you stay home, men, give your hero lines and let’s have a getting ready montage. Because your hero moment is what this is really all about. And your manpain about killing someone. *screams into a pillow*

The petty side of me is happy that it was Fergus and Young Ian who are with Claire when they find her and not Roger. Her two sons...

Why yes, I am judging all of the fans who like get their panties all wet over Jamie being like “It is I who kills for her.” Like “yeah go ahead and rape and beat Claire within an inch of her life if it means the big strong man gets to come in and save her and say something intense.” Fuck off and go take a hard look at yourself and what that says about you.

“Was there an Indian there?” “Nope, he wouldn’t help you because LiOnEl but somehow was able to peace out when it was in his interest. Because he is as bad as the ones who actually raped you.”

The Bree and Claire hug makes me both sad and angry. I want to hug them both and take them out of this fucking place and tell them that they’ve been done dirty and deserved fucking better from the writers.

Glad Marsali gets in on the hug. Claire’s two remaining daughters.

Claire’s “I have fucking survived” speech is like the one time she she actually talks about herself not in relation to a man. It’s about her. Claire. HOWEVER! It is epically fucked up that a woman needs to check off all the trauma she’s endured to show she’s a strong character.

So. Fucked. Up.

The fact that we’re spending time on Roger’s manpain about killing someone also really tells us a lot about the show’s feelings toward women. Yeah, killing someone is a big deal. It’s normal and expected to have feelings about it. But the juxtaposition of Claire’s speech about all of her traumas with Roger being like yeah, I killed a guy who had kidnapped, beaten and raped your mom is like, read the room, bro/writers.

The fact that the men put Claire’s rapist in her surgery, her space, her place of healing, where she is able to be most herself, makes me want to punch each and every one of them in the throat. Like seriously. Fuck each and every one of them.

Also Lionel is like cartoonishly terrible. Not that nuance has ever been this show’s strong suit. But like come the fuck on.

Marsali killing Lionel is the one thing about this episode that I didn’t hate. The men are all like “We kill for Claire! Let’s all rally in this montage and go do the manly thing of defending the woman!” Marsali is just like, yeah, that’s my Ma you fucked with. She shows some agency. She doesn’t do it in a performative way for the other men or for Claire like the guys do. She just knows this fuck needs to die, knows it’s gonna be hard for her and might damn her soul (don’t worry Marsali, all that religion crap is bullshit), and does it anyway.

Marsali’s arc has been my favorite of this whole fucking series. The one bright spot I was hanging on to all of this season especially.

Her quick scene with Jamie doesn’t bother me like Roger’s does. Because Roger is like oh no, I killed a guy! Can you forgive me? For killing a rapist? Like fuck off, bro. And Marsali is like yeah, I killed a guy. I hope I’m not damned for it, but the guy needed to die so I did it.

Also like, Richard had potential to not be cartoonishly bad. But like nope. “He reaped what he sowed, but cLeArLy I’m gonna need to escalate this further. Because manly men can’t let shit go.”

Fuck all men, tbh.

*googles how to emigrate to Themyscira*

Jamie’s speech that’s like supposed to parallel Claire’s can fuck all the way off. Giving him the last voice over just underscores how this was all about men. Not Claire. But the men. Fuuuuck everything.

Look! Everything’s fine again! Back to normal! Peaceful for a bit! With a cheesy af on the nose storm coming! So you know something bad’s coming! In case you forgot!

And Jamie got a book line. So it’s all good now.

And don’t worry about Claire, y’all. She feels safe now. Her and Jamie fucked it out.

It’s amazing, in retrospect, that I ever let this story suck me in so much.

Happy Mother’s Day! See you on the other side of the hiatus.

#*#outlander starz #outlander 5x12 #drunj!der yells about outlander #rape in outlander

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justkindaoverhereobsessing · 3 years

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2020 IN WRITING

tagged by: @indestinatus

tagging: no one, because I am unable to think straight. But whoever is interested in doing this: I’m interested in reading it. <3

Wow, okay, I’m getting real in this little questionnaire... read at your own risk, friends.

1. List of works published this year:

I genuinely can’t write them all out here... there are too many of them! (I’ve done so little besides writing this year!) But I keep a running list of all my projects here. I’m sorry for cheating on this one, haha.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

This question comes up a lot on these things, and I always put the same answer: That We May Forgive. It’s has emotional moments, silly moments, heartfelt moments where the warmth made me cry as I wrote. It was written in one sitting, and it’s the story where I felt most connected to the characters I love so much. It sums up the joy I feel knowing that these (fictional) friends of mine have finally reached peace after too many years of trauma and hardship. I began the story with a single line in mind, after which the characters took over and told the story for me:

Ziva's second pregnancy is nothing like her first.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

You Stumble, You Soar, which was written for one of my dearest friends in the world, @why-did-you-just-lie-to-mcgee. I wanted to do so much better by her, but as I ran out of time to complete the story by the end of her birthday, I rushed the writing and I think the story suffered for it. It made her happy, though, and that’s the most important thing. She deserves all the happiness, all the time—but especially on her birthday.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I can’t think of a favorite excerpt of my writing, because I’ve written so much that I can’t think back!

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

“Wow. Let me just tell you that I am absolutely in love with this story. I wake up everyday and, as I log into fanfiction, my only hope is that you've uploaded a new chapter because DAMN. The characters are so well written, the story is beautifully constructed and this last chapter just broke my heart into tiny little pieces. What a remarkable job you've done. Please, don't ever stop writing NCIS/Tiva fanfiction- specially this one story: it's one of my all time favorites. Thank you :)”

An incredibly kind and inspiring comment by a reader named Alexandra on my longest (WIP) fic, We Are an Ocean.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I’ve had two periods of NCIS hiatus this year—and actually, I’m still in the midst of the second one right now. These have periods of turmoil in my own life. When I’m upset, feeling sick, feeling sorry for myself and I’m depressed and aching... that’s when I write the best, because writing is my safety blanket. When I’m feeling numb, though, or lost... the characters are lost to me, too, and so are the words I use to wrap them (and myself) in comfort.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I’m going to deviate here from NCIS, which is—I’m well aware—why most of my followers have chosen to follow me. But in the last month, I’ve written a single fic for Criminal Minds—it’s called In Possibility, it’s unpublished, and it’s now over 100,00 words. It’s centered on Spencer Reid, who was intimidating to me when I started writing the fic. He’s far more intelligent than I am, requiring me to do a lot of research to give him realistic lines, he’s a deep and complicated character with complicated motivations and a tangled, traumatic past. He also has a sweet, really good heart that’s been scarred by years of difficult work and an emotionally taxing personal life.

I thought he’d be difficult to write; to my surprise, he comes as naturally to me as any of my other favorite characters ever have. He gave me my first nanowrimo win! To be frank, he’s gotten me through a lot of shit this year. That was the best surprise.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

To be honest, I wasn’t much of a writer before this year. I enjoyed writing, especially in a roleplay setting with fandom friends... but I deeply struggled with trying to write alone. I didn’t do much of it.

Then, this year, well... the concept of writing exploded into the most important distraction, escape, and joy I could imagine.

I didn’t grow as a writer this year. I became a writer this year.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

My most recent project—the one that, as I’ve said, is (and will remain) unpublished—has given me a new perspective. It’s written for an audience of me and only me... so I’ve given myself permission to engage in the most ridiculously self-indulgent writing I’ve ever embraced and thrown myself into.

And it has been the greatest joy I could imagine in a time of great pain.*

Next year, I want to throw myself into every project I work on with as much reckless abandon as I’ve done in this last project. I want to stop worrying so much about what people will think and pursue the words that are bursting out of the fingers on my laptop keyboard. I want to have confidence in my ability to draw out emotions—if from no one else, at least from myself.

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.” —Emily Dickinson

And it’s alright if that one heart is mine.

That’s what I want to accomplish in my writing next year, and what a growth that would be!

* I’ve mentioned this in my last post, but I’m recovering from brain surgery, I also have the COVID-19 virus, and I’m working on passing a kidney stone that may be too big to pass. I’m writing 10,000 words a day to get through it—and it’s working. Distraction is everything to me right now.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Like Sof, I have to tag three people here, because I really couldn’t choose just one. My three best friends in the world all influenced my writing in their own ways! <3 (Sorry for deviating a little from the writing thing in some of the following lines, oops. I just have emotions that are all over the place this week!)

@indestinatus — One of a few best friends who has had my back every day for so long now. She listens when I need to talk things out—whether or not I’m talking about writing. She really gets me when I need to be silly, or I need to be serious, or I just really, really need a friend. Also, she inspired me to start learning Portuguese this year, and I’m actually practicing by writing a fic in Portuguese, lol. It’s slow going... but Sof encourages me (and corrects me, haha) whenever I work on it, just as she does with absolutely anything else I work on. Truly, I’ve had few friends in my life that are so special to me, and I love her. I really do.

@why-did-you-just-lie-to-mcgee — Is there a better cheerleader on this earth? Is there a better friend? Doubtful on both counts. She thinks I’m a disaster—and, by the way, she’s absolutely right—and she sometimes has to remind me to eat and sleep, but she’s totally cool with being my internet mom. Doesn’t matter that she’s nearly a decade younger than I am, lol. All of these things have bolstered me when the writer inside of me has faltered, and she has carried my burdens as I wrote them out. Anyway, she reads everything I write, and she has requested to gain access to all of my unfinished chapters and unpublished works in the event that I die—I completely trust her with that nonsense. I’ve written it into my will. Really. Like with Sof, I genuinely love Tiz, and I’d do anything for her.

@honeybadgerdocare — Best friend of 20 years. She doesn’t watch the same shows that I do, and my endless ranting makes very little sense to her... but she listens. She’s my sounding board for everything I write, everything I read, everything I watch, and everything that gives me big feelings. I genuinely can’t describe how much she has helped me with my writing every single day, so I’ll leave it at this: I could not do it without her. I’d drown in my own struggles and I’d stop creating the art that sustains me. She’s my soulmate—sorry to her fiancé. All of my love goes to her!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

HAHAHAHAHA it’s cute how you think my writing is anything other than a re-organized and fictionalized version of my life and my feelings. Real life shows up in my writing, and my writing shows up in my real life. It gets crazy and obsessive, but like... I had a trip to Israel booked this year (obviously canceled due to the pandemic, but still) because Ziva comes from Israel. (Also because of my Jewish adoration for the spiritual homeland, but the thought of going and the trip planning all started with Ziva.) I went to Baltimore so I could run down an alley yelling “YOU CAN’T OUTRUN ME, I’M WEARING TUBE SOCKS!” to encourage my inner Tony DiNozzo. I nearly froze to death in Washington, D.C. and called my mom every time I saw a little red mini coop that looked like Ziva’s, or came across a place that was featured in an NCIS scene.

And to answer the actual question here, because I obviously flipped it around like the moron I am... when the pandemic canceled things I was desperately looking forward to, I wrote a fic where Tali’s excitedly anticipated dance recital got canceled because of the pandemic. I lost my appendix (last year, but the fic was written this year — does that count?) and wrote a fic where Tali loses hers, too. (I swear, I don’t always write things that torture Tali, lol, these are just my best examples!) When I lost a couple of loved ones this year, I wrote a funeral scene where Tony and Tali remembered Ziva. Writing is definitely free therapy, y’all.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write for yourself—write what you love, and you’ll love what you write. That’s all. That’s it. That’s my advice, something I’ve learned this year.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’ve been working on We Are an Ocean for roughly a year now, and 2021 needs to see it finished. I’ve got a number of lovely, dedicated readers who deserve to see the story play out as it’s intended to be played out.

Also, my greatest love right now, In Possibility, will probably write itself to an end in 2021. Or... who knows? Maybe it will worm its way into 2022, too. :-)

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year:

Since I already went into detail about my favorite fic of mine from this year (That We May Forgive), I’ll recommend a different one: The Stars Always Make Me Laugh. It has some of the darkest moments I’ve ever written, but it also has some of the lightest moments I’ve ever written. It was an answer to two different challenges, and if I can say this without sounding arrogant, I think I met the challenges beautifully. It gave me comfort, catharsis, and closure for a few things in my own life... and I hope it comforts my readers, too.

15. Year word count:

HOLY FUCKING SHIT (excuse my French). I just added up my AO3 word count + my current unpublished project, and... my word count is:

428,557.

FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY SEVEN WORDS

I nearly just fell out of my chair. Goodbye, friends. I am deceased.

#wow wow wow #i'm so sorry for the aggressive feelings here #did not mean to get that effin detailed about my life #but i can't help that my emotions are wildly fluctuating as I fight so many health issues at once #anyway #still on hiatus but #this questionnaire thing soothed my soul #and i enjoyed doing it #thanks for the tag sof!#love you all #about cynthia #personal

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pandoraborn · 4 years

Text

A BRUSH WITH DANGER Chapter 10

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Curled up against the headboard, Chase is busy toying with a paintbrush to distract himself from Jacques’ gaze. They’ve been sitting in silence for close to an hour, with Jacques glaring furiously at him the entire time. This isn’t counting the all-French rant Jacques had unleashed on him the second Chase had since they returned from the waterpark. Chase knows nothing that happened is his fault, but guilt is churning in his stomach anyway over the events.

Part of him wants to stand up for himself and argue that Jackie’s presence had been out of concern, but he also can’t bring himself to say anything to defend the hero either. He’s also mad at Jackie -- Chase is allowed to spend time with his children without someone jumping in and interfering! It’s wrong to feel this way about someone who’s supposed to be his friend, but as far as Chase is concerned, Jackie has crossed a line.

“So,” Jacques begins. He’s still leaning against the door, arms crossed. His tone is icy, and Chase flinches at the inflection. “I still do not understand Jackieboy Man.”

“Don’t look at me,” Chase grumbles. He lowers the paintbrush, finally forcing himself to look up at the painter. “I don’t have my phone, I can’t call him up and ask him to show up.” He can’t hide the irritation in his own voice, though he doesn’t know if he’s just tired, or mad that his day with his kids was cut shorter than he’d planned for.

“You had your son’s phone, how can I trust that you didn’t attempt to reach out?” Jacques moves closer, lips curling upward in a snarl. “You know I wanted to keep them.” The way he’s looming over Chase strikes fear into him, and Chase shrinks back. He hadn’t been aware of any plan involving the kids, he’d been under the impression that he was allowed to see them every once in awhile, as a reward for choosing to stay with Jacques. Chase wanted to keep up as much of a normal life as possible, especially where his family is concerned.

“You...you didn’t tell me about that,” he stammers, turning his gaze away again. “I thought I was allowed to spend a day with them for being so good-”

“Oui,” Jacques clarifies. “Of course you’re good, you’re such a good friend to me.” He approaches, reaching out to press a gentle hand to Chase’s cheek. Chase is so conditioned to the tender affection from him that his eyes are already fluttering shut as he leans into the caress. “I wanted to keep them for your benefit. You deserve to be the primary caretaker, mon trésor. Do you really think I would bring harm to them? They are such innocent little gems, non?”

Chase nods idly, eyes opening a crack, already revealing an unfocused haze that shows he’s slipping. Too well conditioned, just the way Jacques prefers him. “This means we need to get rid of your friends, Chase.” Jacques pulls his hand away. “You’re just as angry over Jackie’s stunt. He tried to hurt me, would you stand for that?”

“No,” Chase says quietly. “I’m allowed to spend time with them. I’m allowed to take them out, Stacy and I have that agreement. No one needs to show up and take that away from me. I’m the dad.”

“You are,” Jacques encourages. He drops onto the bed next to Chase, yanking him away from the headboard. “You also do not need to fear me, I’m not angry at you. Just in general, really. This was supposed to be a special day.”

Chase drops the paintbrush on Jacques’ lap, letting his hands rest in his lap. “Are you okay?” He asks. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” There’s that nagging in the back of Chase’s mind that tells him again that something is off, but he doesn’t know what that is. He picked his company, he’s happy with the company he picked. Thus far, Jacques had been a really good friend; Chase has no reason to mistrust him.

“I am okay. I am more upset than hurt,” Jacques says quietly. “But you do know they’re going to keep coming for you unless you put your foot down.” He shoots Chase a concerned look. “I could stop them myself, but I need you on my side. You’re going to lose your entire family at this rate. Think of the children.”

Chase is quiet. He knows Jacques is right, but that doubt is manifesting again, leaving him questioning everything all over again. Or trying to, it’s hard to really think when he feels like he’s swimming under water with no way to surface. “You...” he’s forcing himself to voice his thoughts now. “You want me, to stand up against...”

“The magician, and the hero,” Jacques finishes for him. “They’re a threat.” He’s reaching out to caress Chase again. Those stupid little touches keep him docile and unable to think straight, Chase loves them. It’s hard to really focus on anything, so he lets himself slip even further down. It’s what Jacques wants, anyway.

“They don’t trust me,” Chase says softly. “I know they don’t. They don’t trust my judgement. I just wanted one day with my kids, and they couldn’t give me that, and I know Stacy’s going to fight me on this now.”

“We have to get her to trust you again,�� Jacques says. “Any ideas how we can do that?” Chase doesn’t have to open his eyes to know Jacques is smirking. He has a feeling Jacques already has a plan in mind, but like an actual friend, he’s putting his trust in Chase.

That feels just as good as the gentle massages.

“We show her,” Chase continues, voice drifting. “We show her first hand that you’re not a bad guy, just like you showed me. When she starts trusting us, then I’ll be able to see my kids.”

“And what about your former friends? The other ones?”

“I...” Chase hesitates here. “I don’t know.”

“It is okay, mon trésor.” Jacques hand pulls back, leaving Chase slumped against the bed in a stupor. “You do not have to worry about that. Let me take care of them, I’ll ask for your help when I need it.”

Eyes crack open to watch as Jacques gets up off the bed, heading for the door. “In the meantime, you stay put. Order food, watch whatever you’d like, make yourself at home, but do relax.”

“Are you leaving?” Chase asks, sitting up slowly. He’s fishing for the remote; it’s buried somewhere in the nightstand. The idea of room service sounds appealing too.

“Oui, I have some business to take care of,” Jacques explains. “I’ll be back later, do not wait up for me.”

“You’re not going after them right now, are you?”

Jacques places a hand on the knob, turning around and shooting Chase a bright grin. “Oh no, don’t you worry. We’ll deal with the pesky former friends of yours later. This is just a business meeting with a client.”

“This late?” Chase frowns, but he’s settling back in bed anyway, deciding to make himself comfortable. He didn’t know anything about a meeting, but it’s probably none of his business to begin with. This is, after all, Jacques’ career.

“Of course. Art doesn’t have a timeline. You’ll learn that soon, Chase.” With those words, he leaves, with the door clicking closed behind him.

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tag list:

@immabethehero @ari-trash @autumnrambles @honestlyitsjustkenna @southern-septic @obsidiancreates @blitzindite @lildevyl @10th-no-name-person @taikeero-lecoredier @spudmcloughlin @averyancora @henrik-von-schneeplestein @antis-gauge @pmaismydna @coffee-bean-boi

#writersofjack #septic ego fanfiction #a brush with danger #abwd ch.10 #jacques septique #chase brody #mind control #hypnosis #manipulation

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outragedslime · 4 years

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I'm not that anon and neither am I against meat Roxy but some people don't seem to like that iteration bc of the widely accepted reading of Roxy as a transfeminine character. Idk how much of it is canon-supported and how much is just hcs tho

I mean if ppl liked transfem roxy then go ahead but. I like transmasc roxy and making me tag my own art in a way that lets people blacklist my art out from my blog makes me Super uncomfy. Like?? If u dont like it just unfollow me or if u dont wanna see my art in the roxy tag u can block me its not that deep... idk how to phrase this well but ive so many thoughts abt this. Again ill say i woke up almost 22 hrs ago so im v sleepy so i might phrase things wrong but here we go (also sorry for rambling here but i rly wanna get this out bc its been bothering me for ages and im!! Upset! This big rant isnt specific @ u this is like in general i wanted to type it in a post anyway but i was scared but fuck it ykno.) Id do a read more but im on mobile ill edit it later

Like we all agree that its bad to erase canon gay charas right? So like...why is it g to erase canon trans characters. Like yeah it was a popular headcanon but like......?? Headcanons get deconfirmed sometimes it happens??? It makes me feel like having a woman hc for roxy is more important than having a transmasc canon, which is. A constant self doubt of mine like i worry people will see me as lesser bc im trans and ive also seen it happen! So thats not very nice! To see the fandom treat a canon trans character as "lesser" bc theyre not trans in the way they want!

Also roxy is literally the only positive transmasc character ive ever seen in any piece of media. Ever. So that adds to it. The amnt of ppl who i seen say shit like "give her back u dont deserve her" like? That shit hurts!! Im sorry but it does! Constantly being told that a character being revealed as transmasc is "not worth it" is one of the things that makes me wanna leave the hs fandom bc holy shit!! Thats so transphobic!

Roxy is also rly rly important to me bc ive never seen a canon nb character who uses he/him either and like! I never saw rep lile that! If ur srsly mad abt transmasc roxy and want to be able to filter him out bc u prefer a different hc pls take a step back and look at urself and see how that can be transphobic. Like u can recognise that a character was important to u and like... be mature enough that u dont make ppl feel like shit when they now vibe w that same character? I used to hc transmasc vriska and i drew a few super self indulgent drawings that i didnt post publically and it was a Super important hc to me but i wouldnt draw that again now that vriskas confirmed transfem bc im not an asshole? If u see a trans character and ur first thought is "theyre not trans in the Better way though so i hate this and will make it clear to the people who like this that i hate this" thats transphobic.

Do u have to like transmasc roxy? Fuck no! U dont have to do anything. But srsly @ that anon earlier: like if thats ur reasoning, why would you go to me when i clearly take a lot of comfort in this character (i even Said seratonin time like. I draw roxy and i get an instant boost of euphoria) and imply that u do not want to see it. Like if u do not want to see it u can just unfollow or block me. Instead u make me feel like shit if im being honest! Ik that wasnt the intention so i dont blame u ily n im sorry if im bein angry this has just been building up for a long time. Like "tag this Canon trans character u relate to and love so i dont have to see him" that..doesnt feel good. Pls be mindful of that h,,

Like if u hc roxy as transfem im not gonna stop you like you do you, im not saying this to bash at transfem hcs. But i literally mean it in the nicest way possible, u dont have to interact w my stuff if u dont like it or if it makes u feel bad. Instead of coming to me and making Me feel bad. U can just unfollow and thered be no hard feelings. I draw stuff to make me happy, and if that stuff doesnt make u happy u dont have to stay, but i dont want to post art of the only positive canon transmasc character i know that makes me feel euphoric and tag it deliberately knowing theres people out there who will actively blacklist that specific drawing. Im not saying its bad to blacklist it, u can blacklist it, but im personally rly uncomfortable w that happening w my art of this specific character so if u dont want to see it u can just. Unfollow. Like 100% no hard feelings im not trying to be cheeky i just think itd be most comfortable for everyone involved bc i dont wanna sacrifice my own comfort and euphoria for other ppl.

Sorry for writing so much and ty if u read this ✌

#sorry for big ol rant im just. LE TIRED.#UGUUGGHFHHHHGHH #long post #discourse #maybe

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pidgeonspen · 4 years

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A decade of friends - in no order, here’s to all the amazing people in my life old and new!

@shinkumancer : I remember following your work waaay back in the Archie Comic days. I had always been too shy to approach you, but I loved your work. I still remember so much of your Egg Boss art and it’s insane how far you’ve come. You’re still one of the sweetest, kindest people I know and I always enjoy the little drawpile sessions we have!

@zlatis-art : We haven’t been friends for very long - it’s roughly been a year, now, but it feels like we’ve been friends longer. Something just... clicked when we met, and god I came on strong looking back! I don’t regret it tho - taking the plunge and letting you into my life was such a good call. You’re super patient and you strive so hard to treat everyone fairly and give people so much love. You’ve come such a long way with both your OCs and your art, and our calls are always so much fun!

@sege-h : Would you believe I actually don’t remember exactly how we met...? I know it had something to do with the Sonic RPC iirc. But you’ve always been such a wonderful source of optimism and joy, and I love our talks! You’ve always been so supportive of me and I don’t know how to thank you for it?? I need to draw Storm and Carey doing more shenannigans when I get better!

@rainingautumn : I also don’t recall how, other than vague recollections of the Sonic RPC I think. I feel like I learned so much from you - you’ve provided me with different perspectives, which really helped me open my eyes to a lot of things. You’ve always been such a warm, positive presence while still standing firm and speaking up for yourself, which is so hard to do. I love your little messages, even if I don’t always know how to respond to them!

@boy-of-silence : You’re legit one of my oldest friends around and looking back on where we started it’s honestly kind of insane? We met on dA and we were practically babies like??? It’s insane, I remember so much and it all blurs together like mad, but we’ve always just sorta stuck by each other and I’m always so happy to see you on my dash. You got me into Homestuck, and you made me curious about Bioshock (I still need to finish Infinite), and I still remember the little art collabs we used to do...! I got nothing but good memories!

@kismeti : We don’t talk much, but I’m hoping to change that soon! I love your work, and you’ve put so much into your OCs. Seeing you tweet about petsites makes me think about Neopets and I age 500 years every time,, You honestly seem so sweet and kind and I can’t wait to see what more you’re gonna share with us in the new year!

@fini-mun : I don’t talk with you as much as I should (purely because I’m shy as all get out) but you’ve honestly been such an inspiration to me. You’re so incredibly kind and patient -- I still have that doodle you sent me while I had been down in the dumps. I remember I found you so intimidating when I first met you on dA, when I first tried to commission you -- and watching you grow as an artist and getting to know you has been so great! You don’t know how much I smiled that night when I expressed how I knew nothing about BatIM and you up and streamed the entire game live. I know we were both excited to play FO76 together and that was a let down for like, the entire fandom. But we should definately hang sometime and do stuff! Give your ratties my love!!

@oddpastrys : JAAADE,,, I vaguely remember meeting you in one of Kaden’s streams,, and then in Joan’s weird campaign. You’ve always been such a fun, energetic person and you always bring the best jokes. Deadass, watching RWBY with you both ruined it and enhanced it. You’re so much fun to be around and you always work so hard to cheer everyone up and please everyone, and we don’t say thank you often enough - I don’t thank you often enough. You’re so sweet and fun to be around and I’m 100% not sorry about all the horrible, horrible things I’ve made you see.

@calderscauldron : Kaden!!! You’re another one of my oldest friends, and it’ll never be wild to me how insanely lucky it was that I happened to move to the same state as you. I remember when we were dumb kids on dA, and how you used to joke about kidnapping me -- and how my first thought when getting to Texas was “I should see where this guy lives and meet up!” sjkfdjkfs It’s been a helluva ride and I don’t regret it. We had our bumps and fallouts but we’ve always worked through it all -- and your art has come such a long way. You’re always so sweet and so much fun to be around. You deserve so many nice things and I can’t thank you enough for sticking by my dumb ass for so long!

@haunted-pixel : Yet another decade-old friendship! Bronwyn it’s been such a fucking wild ride. I still remember your old OCs from back in the day; I remember our gryphon friend group, and our lizard group and screaming about digimon, I remember getting really into Kimba/Jungle Emperor Leo cos of you and your OCs, I remember all the drawings of Z and Miki. I remember Nuki and the others. It’s been such a long time and so much has changed around us both. We don’t talk as much anymore but I’m always thrilled when we do hit eachother up on twitter!! I seriously gotta draw more Carey x Zanity sometime. You’ve also just, improved so much as an artist and branched out so much?? Your plushies and your fursuits are absolutely amazing and I can’t believe how far you’ve come! I also still have the sketches you and your sister did for me when I was technically homeless and stuck in the hospital and I’ll always treasure them - and the Nack you made for me is still sitting cozy on my shelf, along with the yeen and Sonic you sent!

@nuttyrabbit : My absolute best friend!!! And probably most unexpected friend! I remember seeing your posts in the Archie Sonic tag way back when, and how my asshole ex used to rant about how she hated you for w/e reason. I used to be so intimidated by you because you told it how it is, and I respected your opinion so I was always lowkey afraid you thought I was stupid and hated my ideas/OCs. But even before we got close, you stuck your neck out for me when things got bad between my ex and me. And in 2018, we finally just started to click with our OC stuff. Lady Luck became a huge comfort dynamic for the both of us. You always argue against it but I still say you’re one of the kindest people I know. You always try to look out for me and find ways to lend a hand when things get tough, you’re always trying to help me when I’m down and you go out of your way to cheer me up and I can’t thank you enough. Meeting you at RTX this year was incredible. Thank you so much for being you. <3

@finitevus : We don’t talk much but I can’t not add you!!! You’ve been so kind and supportive to me, and artistically you’ve always been such a big inspiration. I love your character designs and your writing is so so good, and you always strive to be so positive and warm to others and I promise I’m not ignoring you when you reach out; I’m just very shy and dumb ankjdjkfs I need to,,, say hello on discord sometime. And draw you many things!

@lightdax : You’re always a whole lot of fun and I refuse to apologize for your eyes with half the shit you’ve been exposed to by proxy. You’ve always been really sweet and you’ve really been pushing to improve this past year and it shows! Take time off your mayoral duties for the town of Cuckoldia and put up your OC bios tho! @nvllspace : I,, gotta tag ur RP blog cos IDK ur personal but JACKKIIEE. You’re so sweet and fun and your art is always such a treat. You came through with helping me realize just how toxic a certain person I needed to cut out of my life was, and you’ve always been so kind and supportive. You’re always a blast in our calls and I love your AUs so much! Also you need to stop having so many gorgeous characters cos holy shit,,,

@frecklefacefromouterspace : Nixe! You’re usually busy these days but whenever we do catch you it’s always fun. If it wasn’t for your old server, the current server wouldn’t have even existed and you brought us all together! You’re always so sweet and bubbly and you have one of the cutest, most distinct styles I know.

And to all my other mutuals - thank you all so much for sticking by me! I’m having difficulty typing now so I’m sorry I couldn’t get to everyone but sincerely: thank you, all of you, for making these past years such an amazing ride. I’ve learned so much from each of you and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for 2020!

#I'M SAPPY SO SUE ME #<3

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capsiclewidow · 4 years

Text

2019 Creator-In-Review Tag

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged by amber (@stolethekey). I began reading it’s been a long, long time earlier this year and was instantly hooked. Seriously, go read it. It’s fantastic. She was one of my favorite Romanogers writers, and then somehow we ended up in the same Discord server. Now I get to call her a friend and harass her endlessly for more stevenat content. 😇 you are amazing and incredibly talented, my friend. thanks for tagging me <3

I’m tagging carley ( @chrishemsworth), niki (@natasharomanoff), and anyone else who wants to do this!

The rest of my sappy ranting and the list of my favorite works is below the cut since I know this is going to be long af.

In 2019, I shared both my writing and my art for the first time, both very big steps for me. My series (The Tightly Tangled Web) was first piece of my writing that I’ve ever posted, which was never, ever the plan. It was just supposed to be something I did for fun. I took myself way out of my comfort zone sent the first couple chapters to Niki (@natasharomanoff), and her endless encouragement and a+ reactions were enough of a push to finally post it. The overall reaction was overwhelmingly positive and still to this day pushes me to continue on. To every single fan of the series, thank you. You’re all amazing.

I also got an iPad late in 2018 and started teaching myself digital art, which I discovered I enjoy much more than tradition art. Actually enjoying it and not getting so frustrated with myself encouraged me to keep going, and I know I have a long way to go but even through my highly critical eyes I can definitely see my own improvement since I posted my first drawing in January of 2019.

So before I get started with my list I’m going to get a lil sappy. Every single comment, kudos, Tumblr ask, tweet, and instagram like means the absolute world to me. Especially with my writing; that kind of encouragement is the sole reason I keep going, even when I get frustrated with it. Every single comment makes my heart so, so happy and they’re my absolute favorite emails to get. Please know that I notice and appreciate every single thing, even if I don’t respond to all of them. I love reading people’s reactions, I love when people notice the little details I throw into my writing, and I love that I can somehow make people so happy with something I truly started just because I felt like it with no intention of ever sharing any of it.

So thank you to every single one of you, and I hope I can continue to give you content you enjoy reading. And thanks niki for being my number one fan <3

Now that that’s out of the way:

1. Old Wounds (first installment of The tightly Tangled Web series)

This series is my baby, and I started it way back in May of 2016. It began as a single post-Civil War fic, and somehow turned into what will eventually be a seven or eight part series. This was part one, and to this day it’s still my favorite. TWS is my favorite movie of all time and means so much to me, and this was the first part of the series I really began working on expanding into a full, multi-chapter, canon rewrite of the movie. It required so much research, attention to detail, and re-watching it frame by frame, and it just made me fall in love with the movie all over again. Plus I got to tell Natasha’s side of the story, and writing her perspective of the events in TWS made me really understand and appreciate her character on an entirely new level.

2. Laughter Lines

I again have to thank Niki for this one, because not only did she bring the song to my attention, but she shared with me her headcanon that Steve saved Natasha and they went back to the 40s to live out their lives. I think I wrote this entire thing in one night, because once I started it all just came pouring out and I ended up loving the result so much more than I thought I would. Plus I got to fix the Russo’s bullshit, so...you know. win/win situation.

3. New York

There were three individual things I wanted to eventually use in fics: the song New York by Ed Sheeran, Steve and Nat getting the best milkshakes in the world (from the comics), and the Captain America statue in Brooklyn. They all ended up in this fic, a post-Infinity War one-shot that allowed me to explore the mindset Natasha was in leading up to Endgame. It made me feel better after seeing Endgame to at least give them both a little slice of happiness that they both deserved.

4. Captain Romanoff

We’re switching gears to art now. This is still one of my favorite drawings that I’ve done. I’m in the process of writing a series that has a scene which loosely inspired this, plus I just wanted to draw Natasha as cap. It also got me out of my comfort zone as far as lighting and colors go, as well as all of the suit detail.

5. Endgame Romanogers (I uhh...don’t name my art idk)

This is the only stevenat drawing I’ve ever finished (i should probably fix that...whoops), and it again was a challenge with the lighting. I think it was also the first time I really drew Steve. But even though it made me sad every damn time I looked at it, I ended up absolutely loving it, which doesn’t happen often with my art.

#thank you thank you thank you again to everyone who comments/likes/etc #you are all incredible people and i appreciate it so much #and thanks for tagging me amber ily <3 #*fics #my art #text post #about me #idk what to tag this honestly lmao

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blushingjared · 5 years

Text

Can Anybody Hear Me?

We Get What We Deserve Prequel: Can Anybody Hear Me? (Eventual Sam x Dean x Reader x Castiel)

Square(s) Filled: Forced to Watch @badthingshappenbingo Ship: None Yet Characters: Season 14! Chuck, Reader, Reader’s Parent’s, Dean, Sam, and Castiel (Briefly Mentioned) Rating: Mature Word Count: 1.4k Warnings: Death of Parents, Religious Upbringing, Slight Torture, evil Chuck, Spoilers for the end of Season 14, Melodramatic Chuck

We Get What We Deserve Masterlist

Summary: You’ve grown up hearing stories of a vengeful God. How his wrath is mightier than anything known to man. You counted yourself lucky that you were never the reason for God’s Almighty Power; except now, you were. After losing your family and being forced into a permanent dream like state, by God. You’re used as distraction for Team Free Will, the three men that you’ve fantasized about for years. You know them as the saviors in your favorite books, but now they need to focus and try their best to save you.

A/N: So...I don’t know what else to say really. Let me know what you think and if this series interests you. Let me know and I’ll tag you. Beta’d by @sweetness47

A mother sits alone in a dark hospital room. To her right, her daughter sleeps peacefully in the hospital bed. Gentle sobs from the lonely mother mix with the continuous beeping noises of the machines that are keeping her daughter alive. The woman begs, pleads, with a trembling voice as she recites her prayers. “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. I beg you Lord. Please release my daughter from this pain. I-I know you have your reasons Lord.” Her tearful eyes linger on her daughter for another moment before her hands drop from her prayer to gently take ahold of her daughters hand.

“If this be your will Lord, then give me the strength to withstand it.” She takes in a shuddering breath before slumping back and wiping away at her tears with the back of her hand. Minutes tick by as the mother becomes exhausted and falls asleep in the hospital chair, hand still clasped around her daughters.

One of the nurses in the ward glances up at the clock on the wall. She needs to make her nightly run through of the patients, mostly the ones with critical conditions. Grabbing her clipboard, she goes to stand and head to her first patient. Someone catches her attention though.

The man looks average in most ways, he isn’t too tall or short. Neither too handsome or too unattractive. He’s got soft eyes and a gentle smile as he wears a red suit jacket. She can’t put a name to the face, but assume he’s a family member of someone in her ward.

“Can I help you?” She asks, tilting her head as he steps closer. Though he looks average, the nurse feels some sort of energy radiating off of him and she isn’t sure how to place it.

“Yes,” The man clears his throat and rocks back on his heels. They must have been behind his back because almost out of nowhere the man produces a bouquet of flowers. “I’m looking for my niece, Y/N Y/L/N.” That name she recognizes, but gives him a sad smile.

“I’m sorry sir. Only family members listed on their contact information are allowed past visiting hours. I’m happy to take them to her though.” She reaches out to take the flowers, but Chuck pulls them closer to his chest.

“I think you’ll find I’m on the list. Chuck Shurley.” After a bit of hesitation, the nurse pulls the clipboard from under her arm to take a look through Y/N’s file. Right underneath the girl’s mother and father, his name is listed. She could have sworn it was only the two.

“Well then, right this way sir.” Chuck follows close behind as they maneuver their way down the corridors.

“I didn’t hear much about what happened. Do you mind telling me how Y/N ended up here?”

The nurse gives a small ‘tsk’ before shaking her head. “It’s such a shame, really. The mother comes in with her daughter and husband, blubbering about..” She pauses to look back at the notes within the file. “That’s right, about Angels. Woman believes one of them came down and tried to take the three of them up to heaven.”

Poking her head inside, the nurse looks around the room to see if Y/N’s mother was asleep. She shakes her head slightly and sets the files on the table, Turing back to face Chuck. The name suited him, she thought, before performing her routine check up on the girl

“They were ready to be taken to heaven, until he just stopped and let them go. Apparently, her husband had already died and the angel was in the midst of taking her daughter. As far as it goes medically, their bodies were perfectly fine, they just stopped working. At least her daughter’s body was able to recover most of her bodily functions. Most of her brain shut down though, not long after she was brought here. Sort of like a coma, but more like she’s in a really long nap.”

Chuck cleared his throat as he set the flowers down. “How’s the mom?” He asked as his gaze lingers on you, his head tilting as he narrows his eyes slightly.

“Inconsolable. She keeps begging for Heaven to come back down and finish what they promised. It’s insane, really.” A heavy sigh leaves the nurses mouth. “I feel bad. I really do.” With that said, she finishes her check up and heads to the door. “It’s good that they have more family. You need that in times like these.” Turning back around, the nurse shuts the door and leaves the room to go check on other patients.

Chuck snaps his fingers and locks the door, head turning to the mother and stepping closer. He smirks slightly as he snaps his fingers and both women awake.

Your eyes fly open and you struggle to breathe, with the tube that had been helping your body only moments earlier, still stuck in your throat. Though it’s barely there, you notice a sick and twisted smile on his lips. You try to call out for your mother, although nothing comes out.

Your mothers eyes lift to Chuck and before she can form words, she’s on her knees. Hands on the edges of his pants, pleading once more like she had during her prayer. “Oh Lord. You heard my prayer, you came back. I..I cannot thank you enough. Please, finish what you started. Take us with you.”

The man you knew as your Father’s murderer was standing right in front of you. You recognized him now. You knew what he was, but it all seemed impossible. It couldn’t really be him.

“Oh I will,” he grinned as he looked down upon your mother. He let his smirk drop to a frown as he snapped his fingers. You cried out, trying your best to do anything but something was forcing you down, an invisible pressure making you unable to sit up or pull the tube out to call for help.

Chuck was forcing you to watch as your mother’s body dropped to the ground, lifeless and nothing more than an empty shell. It only caused more tears to stream down your face, more pain to fill your heart. Not only had you been forced to watch your father die, now he had made you live through the same thing with your mother.

Taking a step over your mother’s corpse, he stepped towards you and smiled. With a snap of his fingers, the tube was removed from your throat, but the force was still there, still pining your body to the hospital bed.

“You...You can’t be real. This...This is just a dream.” You sob, knowing deep inside this was real, but unable to come to terms with what was happening.

“We both know that’s not true Y/N. This is real, all of it.” He grins and runs a hand over your face. “Oh don’t worry, I’m going to give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”

Resisting the urge to spit on his face, you stay calm and snarl at him instead. “I want my parents back.” A wave of sadness washes over Chuck and you half believe it’s because you’ve made him realize what his actions are. Of course he doesn’t and instead he pulls away from you, sighing in disappointment before ranting.

“No! Don’t you see? You and The Winchesters won’t fall in love unless you go through the same trauma of losing your parents to something supernatural. Think about it!”

“Sam and Dean aren’t real! They’re just characters from a book.” Chuck simply shakes his head, clearly you don’t understand.

“You lack imagination Y/N. I would have thought all that fanficition you write about my world would have made you more open to the fact that there’s more out there than you realize.” You desperately want to think he’s crazy, but the part of you that knows this might be true is growing more confident that..Supernatural was real.

“Why are you doing this to me?” You beg for an answer. “I’m nothing special.” A pained noise leaves your throat as he shakes his head.

“No, you aren’t, but I’m gonna make you special. Sam and Dean will be so busy dealing with you that they’ll forget to even come look for me.” Chuck grinned as he watched you look at him in horror. “Now, go back to sleep.” With a snap of his fingers, you fall back on the bed, asleep like he wanted.

Chuck picks you up and snaps his fingers, taking you away from the life you had once been apart of, and bringing you with him the the one you’d always dreamed of. He needed to bring you to Sam and Dean, but he also needs to plan things out, figure out the full plot of the story. Figure out where he wanted the story to go next, now that he had you.

So, he dropped you off in Lebanon, not five miles from The Bunker, right at the nurses station and then disappeared. He was confident in the fact that you would be found and then placed back under the care of doctors. He had things to do now, but he was certain you were going to enjoy your first dream.

Dean doesn’t ever really have good dreams. More often than not, he’ll have nightmares. It’s just something he’s had to deal with ever since he can remember. Tonight is one of those good nights. He dreams of saving a cute girl from a witch and getting a more than deserved thank you. It’s nice, the girl is pretty and more than eager to give Dean whatever he needs.

His eyes snap open as he hears voices begin to talk outside of his room. He grumbled and turns his body onto his side. “Do you think he’s ok? Dean didn’t say much on the drive back from the cemetery.” Sammy’s voice cut through the wood of the door as Dean pulled his pillow over his head to try and block out the noise.

Soon enough, Cas and Sam had walked away and Dean could sleep in peace. He remembered the girl’s face and her name from the dream. He didn’t know why she stuck with him, but it didn’t matter. When he drifted off and back to sleep, Dean thought of Y/N again. There was just something about her that made him feel that whatever God had planned for them, it would be ok.

#badthingshappenbingo #dean x reader #sam x reader #cas x reader #we get what we deserve #supernatural #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader #castiel x reader #Castiel #Sam Winchester #dean winchester #Supernatural fanfiction #lia's 2019 kink bingo series

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