🧡☀️🌾

aaa thanks for sending me an ask <3 u guys r in for smth very detailed and personal lol. SO SORRY ABOUT HOW LONG THIS IS 😭

🧡 - How has the way you presented yourself (ex. Clothing, hairstyle, etc.) changed since you realized you were queer?

This is a slightly complicated question for me bcus realizing I was queer and coming out was a pretty drawn out process, I suppose bcus being transgender entails a lot of complications that other queer identities don’t really. I realized I was queer when I was 10, realized I was FTM transgender specifically when I was eleven, came out when I was 12, started socially transitioning when I had just turned 13, and started medically transitioning a few months before I turned 14. And all of these phases entailed their own lil changes in self expression + presentation. I’m going to try my best to keep it short, lol. During the phase in my life where I knew I was trans, had come out, but wasn’t allowed to transition bcus of my circumstances, I dressed like shit. My mom didn’t think it’d be safe for me to transition bcus I lived in a pretty conservative environment and she wasn’t sure how she’d go about that. I was very depressed, I felt horribly trapped. I did the hard part (came out) and got none of the benefits I thought I would. The people in my life behaved as if me coming out had never happened. So I payed no mind to my appearance, I dressed in huge oversized hoodies and sweatpants everyday to school, and right when I got home I’d change into pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt. I did pass relatively well, I had a short haircut and a natural bit of facial hair above my lip because of my Hispanic genes, but the fact that I was oftentimes gendered correctly by strangers didn’t help much. It felt like a smack in the face, almost. That time in my life was probably the time I was the most visibly queer. It wasn’t a good year or so. But! Eventually, my family was forced to move, which my mom looks back on as a miracle in disguise. I was allowed to transition then, I started attending a more progressive school where no one knew me. Bullying became less of a concern with a clean slate where I could be whoever I wanted to be. I was then thrust into an environment where I’d be assumed by peers to be a cisgender boy, which was, um, a journey. I was stealth, at least I tried very hard to be, and despite the progressiveness of staff the kids were..less so. I had no idea how to present myself at first, I came off as very weird and got bullied pretty bad. But after a bit, especially since I started medically transitioning, I really got my act together. I had cut out a very defined style for myself. I was really into wearing what the kids call “dark academy” clothing. I wore sweaters, turtlenecks, my grandpa got me a trench coat for my 14th birthday which I was very excited about. I’m very thankful for being able to transition so early, so that now that I’m much older I’m pretty much past my awkward queer experimentation stage. I now dress similarly to how I did growing up, but now I’m much less worried about “passing” and I try to wear clothes that make me happy rather then conceal my body. I’m finally at a stage in my life where I’m happy and comfortable in my body and don’t mind showing it off. I think I have a ways to go still when it comes to self expression, I still have some trauma left over from the hell that was getting queer witch hunted as the weird kid who was rumored to be trans, but I’m moving in the right direction. I’m trying not to hide so much now! Also, I’ve gotten over some anxiety I’ve had throughout my life about not “acting masculine enough”, which has also greatly improved my self confidence and happiness.

☀️ - Is there anyone who helped you accept that you were queer? If so, who? Exploring the internet as a youngin was what introduced me to what the lgbtq community actually was. (Don’t let the transphobes who think trans kids are getting indoctrinated online get their hands on this 😭). But yes I was indoctrinated online by fanfiction.net and tumblr. Hilariously enough, the thing I used the internet for exclusively as a child was indulging in Harry Potter fan content, and the Harry Potter fandom was what introduced me to queerness and transness, leading to my realization that this was what I’d been feeling all my life. Suck it jkr! When it comes to people in my real life, I had a stereotypical weird girl best friend during the period where I knew I was trans but didn’t tell anyone, who was into warrior cats and openly lesbian. She opened my eyes to the fact that I wasn’t the only queer kid my age, let alone queer person in the world. I never ended up coming out to her, though I considered it often, but we did have some very stunted and awkward conversations about queer identity. I like to think she knew. Also, thankfully and unusually, I did have an ftm trans relative who fit into my queer journey in a very interesting way. I’d always had a favorite uncle growing up, who I was told had changed his name, but that was the extent of what I knew. I idolized him very strongly lol, he was everything my child self wanted to be. It wasn’t until I started to realize I was trans that puzzle pieces acquired throughout my life started to fit into place, and I started to suspect my uncle was trans too. It was weird, I felt like a detective. I felt super alone during this time, and I also felt like being queer and trans were forbidden things that only applied to me. So the possibility that there was this trans man in my family who was loved and embraced by all my loved ones and I had never even knew was shocking and unbelievable. I eventually decided that my suspicions were delusions made up to try and make myself feel better. That was until I came out to my extended family, which only occurred when I had started to socially transition. My uncle took me aside and explained that he was also trans, very gently, and before he could even finish I blurted out “I KNOW!!! I FIGURED IT OUT!!” It was such a joyful and unexpected moment. Even though my uncle wasn’t technically there during the meat and potatoes of my self discovery and acceptance journey, since neither of us knew the other was trans, he always served as an encouragement. A reminder that trans ppl were everywhere living happy adult lives. And when I was transitioning he was a great friend and mentor for me. I’m so lucky to have had someone like him growing up. He continues to be my favorite uncle to this day, and I may or may not still idolize him like a child, lol.

🌾 - How queer do you think you look? Would it be obvious to someone that you were queer if they looked at you?

I alluded to this earlier but I am not visibly queer in the slightest 😭. I haven’t mentioned it yet but in addition to being transgender I’m also bisexual! Which hasn’t been really relevant to this post bcus my journey with that is so minute and uninteresting in comparison, lol. But anyway I’m bisexual! I’m a bisexual man! And I want to be perceived as a queer person, a bisexual man, but Im so used to basing my presentation around passing and blending in and not getting harassed that I don’t really know how to do that without getting some crazy anxiety. It’s so frustrating! I see queer ppl in public and try to telepathically communicate that I’m one of them but they never even glance at me 😭. So no, definitely not, I look straight as a rod, if not slightly nerdy. If you were to interact me, however, you’d likely peg me as a homo if you have keen radar. I have pretty feminine mannerisms, and since I pass really well I usually come off as a gay guy to other queer ppl. Straight ppl, not usually. And you wouldn’t be able to tell by just looking at me, haha.

Once again thank you sm for sending me the ask! Great questions btw, obviously they made me self reflect a ton (I’m so sorry this is so long!). I really appreciate it tho and I hope my answers are interesting to read about

Girl I'm sorry people are being bizarre in your inbox o-O Did you guys see or do anything particularly cool at Pride? Meet anyone fun?

Eh, it’s okay. I completely understand that we all have different learning curves in figuring out our sexualities, but today was definitely a celebration for me. Especially after two years of canceled Pride, it felt particularly amazing to be surrounded by so much LGBT joy.

My favorite float was a trolley filled with old gays who needed help walking and the side had a sign that read “Aging With Pride.” 😂😂😂 Also, there was a super dope cheer squad called Gotham Cheer, which was a nonprofit adult cheer squad who exclusively volunteers and donates to local LGBT youth organizations. We also made friends with two half-naked tourists from Amsterdam, who were so tall and good looking it was shocking. Also, so many dogs!!!

Thank you for asking 💗💗💗

yall have got to be more normal about Southern people and I'm not kidding. enough of the Sweet Home Alabama incest jokes, enough of the idea that all Southerners are bigots and rednecks, and enough of the idea that the South has bad food. shut up about "trailer trash" and our accents and our hobbies!

do yall know how fucking nauseating it is to hear people only bring up my state to make jokes about people in poverty and incestuous relationships? how much shame I feel that I wasn't born up north like the Good Queers and Good Leftists with all the Civilised Folk with actual houses instead of small cramped trailers that have paper thin walls that I know won't protect me in a bad enough storm?

do yall know how frustrating it is to be trans in a place that wants to kill you and whenever you bring it up to people they say "well just move out" instead of sympathizing with you or offering help?

do yall understand how alienating it is to see huge masterposts of queer and mental health resources but none of them are in your state because theyre all up north? and nobody seems to want to fix this glaring issue because "they're all hicks anyways"

Southern people deserve better. we deserve to be taken seriously and given a voice in the queer community and the mental health space and leftist talks in general.

If a transgender person asks you to deadname and misgender them in front of certain people. Misgender them and deadname them in front of those people. It doesn't matter how icky or gross it may feel, it doesn't matter you'd rather be honest. It doesn't matter if there's more of you there. Certain people aren't safe, and honesty IS NOT the best policy when honesty could put them at serious risk. It doesn't matter if there's a crowd, because when there isn't shit goes down.

Be an ally, do what they ask. Understand that the trans person knows more about their situation than you do, and this includes who's safe and who's not. Some one can be "trans friendly" to other people, but not to people they know or specific people. Do as the trans person asks, yes it's uncomfortable, but it's 10 times worse if the person we don't trust finds out. 100 times worse if they have access to us when you're not around.

Respect trans peoples safety. Misgender and deadname when asked.

(if you don’t mind reblogging this post, that would be groovy ^_^)

The 7 Deadly Sins

bonus art: i felt like the gay wrath drawing looked a bit like an old gay liberation poster :)

I saw your post about the leopards eating faces and democrats and if you think the us is bad under biden have a good look through project 2025 and please fucking realize that queer people, those that can get pregnant, and people of color are going to be absolutely fucked if trump wins in November.

Sigh

If you ACTUALLY read it then you'd know Biden is ALREADY carrying out the goals outlined in project2025. You'd also know that his administration is even using the SAME exact language that's found in the Mandate for Leadership. Such as "protecting the freedom of navigation in the Suez Canal"

I literally have a post floating around somewhere where I said he was gonna escalate the genocide and smoke out all the rebel groups because guess what? Project2025 outlined that too. Literally listed them as targets that the administration should focus on.

Another part of it says they should continue to protect and support Israel's "right to defend itself" at any cost.

So yeah that thing you're afraid of? It's here. And it's here because you thought the fascist with a blue tie was less scary than a fascist than a red tie so you stopped paying attention when Blue Tie Man was around. And that blue Fascism that's allowing book bans and abortion bans and making trans people illegal is going to stay here and grow because you don't fucking care to address it unless the tie is red.

Maybe fucking read the thing you're trying to fearmonger me about because I guarantee I've read more of it than you.

And it's not that I find the realities in it less scary, it's that I'm not such a privileged shithead that I would prioritize my own comfort over lives being lost in a literal fucking genocide.

Yeah shit sucks for queer people and trans people and trust me, I know that, but we aren't being killed in broad fucking daylight and having people go into denial about it so maybe instead of barking up MY blog about how fucked up everything is you go and send the DNC and your representatives some emails and tell them to give Democrats a candidate that doesnt commit genocide?

How about instead of yelling at me to lower my standards cuz things MIGHT get scarier for you if Blue Tie Man doesn't beat trump (and he won't) you ACCEPT that reality and DO SOMETHING USEFUL about it. How about you and your party just BE BETTER????

There's seven months before the elections and Biden is tanking every poll and Democrats are voting uncommited in swing states and what's Biden doing? Doubling down on every single policy that he's losing voters over (like supporting Israel). If he loses that's not my fault or anyone else's.

Maybe stop asking people to vote for a warmongering white supremacist.

"think of the queers and pregnant people and PoC"

I Am.

They live in Palestine and Sudan and the DRC.

Or did you mean I should prioritize different queers and pregnant people and PoC?

Don't be shy. Did you mean I should prioritize you?

Cuz yeah. Fuck that.

(white) USamerican citizens prioritizing ourselves over everyone else is exactly how the world got so fucked up.

I'm NOT voting for Biden under any fucking circumstances, don't waste my time with another bullshit uninformed scare mongering ask like this again just cuz YOU lack the solidarity to care about any community but your own.

The fuck?

Do you think the queer community only counts Americans? What an ignorant thing to say. "Think of minority communites but only from this specific part of the world"

You wouldn't know community if it hit you in the fucking face.

I feel like everyone around me is a swiftie but me lol

unfortunately going to have to make another post because things are getting bad again 

i work as a gas station attendant and accommodations were made when i was hired so that i could sit down while working due to my fibromyalgia / chronic pain . recently a customer complained that i was being “lazy” so my manager decided that i can’t sit down anymore . i can do that , sure , but i won’t be able to move the next day . i tried explaining this to my manager but she said that the decision was final . and so i’ve had to call off a lot of days these last few weeks because of the extreme pain that i'm in . my manager told me that we have to meet this sunday and i’m pretty sure i’m going to get fired . 

i live paycheck to paycheck and even then i’m constantly struggling to afford medication , food , gas , etc . i have no savings , so if i lose my job , i’m completely fucked . and honestly i’m just very tired of living like this , not knowing when my next meal is going to be or having to scrounge up every last cent i have for my insulin . 

i hate asking for help so often but i really feel hopeless right now . i don’t have anyone to turn to IRL , otherwise i would . even a few dollars means so much to me , it’s literally the difference between me eating or having to fast for another day . i do art commissions if you’re interested , you can find all of my links below . please boost this and spread this post around . thank you so much for reading this

p-yp-l c-sh-pp commission info

making a new post bc the old one was getting notes with no donos i spent my entire paycheck on prescriptions and i've been unable to afford anything to eat . i've also been dealing with severe fibro flareups that caused me to miss a few days last week so i already know my next check is going to be short . if anyone could throw a few bucks my way so i can get some food , i would appreciate it very much . i'll leave my commission info and links below . thanks for reading

p-yp-l c-sh-pp commission info

FEMHEAVY TF2 TUMMY !! !! !!

femheavytummyyummy

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Thank you for sending an ask!! Hoping and praying that this time my answers aren’t as long 😅

🦚 - Are there any queer books/shows/etc. that you would suggest?

Oh God, so many. Not going to state the obvious since we’re both Vampire Chronicles + Interview with the vampire focused blogs, lol. I’m going to narrow it down to two

Popular rec: Our Flag Means Death. genuinely everything I could want from a tv show hhhh. Perfect blend of comedy and genuine emotion and angst. This show fucks so hard! But everyone on tumblr’s watched it by now lol, so here’s smth nobody knows about.

Obscure rec: Everything’s going to be ok. I haven’t watched this show in a while but I remember after I did I was so mad about the lack of fandom or online attention haha. Extremely sweet and lighthearted, gives you all the warm and fuzzy feels. I remember the casual rep of lgbt ppl and autistic ppl blew my mind lol, might be the only show I’ve ever seen with multiple (canonical) queer autistic ppl in it.

🏳️‍⚧️ - What Flag do you think has the best color scheme?

Mmm, I’m gonna say the lesbian pride flag, gay man pride flag, and bi-gender pride flag have the nicest color schemes. I like the flags that look like an artist’s color palette.

🌈 - What's a Queer Identity, Experience or a piece of History you feel deserves more recognition? I hyper-fixated on researching the Hays Code for a while, and don’t see it referenced nearly enough when it comes to online debates about what is and isn’t acceptable to be portrayed in media, so imma go with that. If you don’t know the Hays Code was a list enforced from 1934-1968 that restricted what could be portrayed in Hollywood movies based on Catholic moral principles. There’s a lot of banned topics and I’m not going to go into them all, but the general gist of it was violence, profanity, sexuality, and any type of crime should never be portrayed in movies unless non ambiguously condemned. The belief behind it was that media had the power to make people do Bad Things so they need to be very careful in spelling out morals to audiences unless they get ideas. (Fun fact: the Hays code is why in old sitcoms couples often slept in separate beds. That’s how strict it was!) The reason I’m talking about this as “queer history” is bcus queerness of any kind was also forbidden under the Hayes code, “sexual perversions” weren’t allowed. Of course, unless, the queer person was the villain, and punished for their crimes. This is where queer coding originated from, particularly queer coded villains. Queer artists wanted to portray themselves and their communities in their work, and the only way to do that oftentimes was by “coding”. I think looking into the Hays code would be beneficial for some ppl online, bcus I oftentimes see ppl use actual Hays Code talking points on tumblr.com in the year 2023 sincerely and without self awareness and it’s hilarious.

thanks again!! These were fun to answer

I said it was something I struggle with. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I don’t want to feel that way, but I didn’t grow with a healthy relationship to sex and everything at the parades is so out there. It is gross to me. It’s hard to be around. There has to be more like me and a place for us

I hear what you’re saying, but this sounds a lot like internalized homophobia and something that you have to work on with yourself more than anything i can give you advice on. And as someone who just spent the day thriving at Pride, you’ve now made me and my inbox feel unsafe during a day when I was feeling totally comfortable shouting out my sexuality. Like I said; if you don’t feel comfortable being at Pride, you don’t have to go. You can engage with the LGBT community in a lot of other spaces that aren’t Pride affiliated events. My gf belongs to a queer book club, I belong to a queer writers group, one of my best friends throws a queer bbq once a month, another one hosts a drag night. There’s tons of programming to watch and non parade activities to attend. But if you feel uncomfortable with people talking openly about their sexuality and generally being themselves, I highly recommend reaching out to an LGBT specific therapist and figuring out why that is. I would kindly ask that you please refrain from coming into my inbox and saying it’s gross. Much love ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I'll be fine

Btw I'm referring to this tweet

He's never hosted a meeting, ever. Why the change of heart?

I made a femme bingo card! Let’s play! 🥰