*sips tea*

Got called "Mentally Ill", my life reduced to an "ideology" like my situation is a matter of belief not fact, and diagnosed with a condition I don't have by someone who's not a medical professional and I've never had a therapy session with, all in the same ask. Really paints a clear picture what being transphobic is about at it's core.

I don't go around telling people to go kill themselves for being cisgender. I don't call them "mentally ill" for not being transgender. I don't ignore medical science and unbiased study to diagnose them with conditions they don't have. I don't target what I perceive as their insecurities to try and make them feel bad or upset and make the mental conditions they do suffer from get worse. I don't tell them the world is better off without them. I don't wish them to be murdered to their face.

Me being transgender is no more an ideology than anyone in the world being cisgender. It's just a fact about my life that I live with and deal with on my path to become a happier, kinder, compassionate, empathetic, and more helpful person. What -is- an ideology, is going around telling people like me, with a past history of suicide, to go die because you believe we're not natural, that we're somehow a threat to the world for being born the way we are, denying any aspect of our experiences and lives that give us credibility in the face of your hatred, harm, and cruelty; and thinking we don't deserve equal rights, respect, and access to healthcare.

I'm transgender. I'm human. I'm not the asshole trying to make people suffer. I fight for equality, a kinder world, a more accepting world of people who are harmless and weird. None of us are free until all of us are. All of us deserve to be equal.

You've been reported, but I know you'll just make a new account to harass me. But that's okay, because every time one of you comes to attack me, the world sees who the true villain is. I can weather the pain you try to cause me, because after 26 almost 27 years now of it, I've learned to get back up and fight harder. It's all I know how to do. Because at the end of the day, if I can't fight for myself, I can fight for those next to me, I can fight for their equality.

Sunday Livestream in 5 minutes!

We're live again! You have ... uh ... 5 minutes or less before I start yammering.

Stream Rules: 

Be Kind 

2. Be Respectful 

3. Absolutely No Bigotry 

4. Leave The Rivalries Outside 

5. Have Fun 

6. No Heroes or Villains! (This stream is for the sidekicks, henchies, and goons! And yes that includes the lair dwellers! ♥)

This is a 2SLGBTQIA+ inclusive space! Come on in and chill. I take questions live. Might be playing Fallout New Vegas.

Edit: I should clarify, I'm going to try playing Fallout: New Vegas because @demilypyro said I have to in order for the council to judge me on my ending. So ... you're welcome along on this adventure.

How do you know if you’re antisemitic?

Well, if a Jew telling you you’re antisemitic won’t make you believe it, here is a guide to help you figure it out yourself.

1. Do you think Jews, en masse, are ACTIVELY REPLACING/ATTEMPTING TO REPLACE some other group — especially a somehow more deserving group? (For example, White people, Black people, African people, Palestinians, Arabs, Muslims, indigenous people, etc.) Do you feel there are JUST TOO MANY JEWS IN A GIVEN LOCATION?

2. Do you think Jews are PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING THAT THEY ARE NOT? (For example, White, PoC, “Real” Jews, Indigenous/Native, an Ethnic Minority, Devoted Citizens of [YOUR COUNTRY] etc.)?

3. Do you think Jews are CONTROLLING OR ATTEMPTING TO CONTROL SOME INTEGRAL ASPECT OF SOCIETY? (For example, the government, media, banks, business, medicine, etc.)

4. Do you think Jews that you criticize are UNIQUELY BLOODTHIRSTY OR GENOCIDAL — especially when hoping for personal achievement or cultural supremacy? (For example, trying to stage a global war so they can control the world; using/consuming blood of Christians and babies to do satanic rituals; sexually seducing non-Jews in order to contaminate bloodlines and erase other pre-existing identities; immigrating to a new location with the intention of murdering those who already exist there; desiring to murder Arabs, Muslims, or Palestinians in their homelands by means of genocide in order to control a region at the exclusion of other ethnicities, etc.)

5. Do you think Jews are APPROPRIATING A PRIVILEGE THAT THEY DO NOT DESERVE AND THAT DOES NOT BELONG TO THEM? (For example, freedom, wealth, power, whiteness, G-d’s favor, a safe home in the Levant, Arab land, colonial power, representation as a minority group, etc.)

6. Do you think Jews at large or the specific Jews you disagree with and who wield power in a way you disapprove of CAN BE COLLECTIVELY LABELED? (For example, might you call them slaves, vermin, insects, dirty, scheming, communists, fascists, Nazis, satanic, Zionists, scum, etc.)

IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS YOU ARE AN ANTISEMITE. This is literally textbook antisemitism. If you answered, well yeah but only “the Jews in Israel” or “the ones who vote for Bibi” or the “ones who moved to my town/country/region” or if you saw something on one of the lists and think “well no fair! That one is actually true,” your exception isn’t exceptional. You haven’t found the one true bad thing that Jews ACTUALLY are. It’s not some conspiratorial propaganda to equate reasonable beliefs with hate. You’re just hateful. Some part of you hates Jews. And you have to confront what that part of you is and you have to destroy it if you want to engage in any conversations that impact Jewish welfare anywhere in the world.

One way to start deconstructing is to ask yourself “Why do I feel this way?” “From whom did I learn to think this way?” “Who in my life approves and supports me thinking this way?” “Am I comfortable telling a Jewish person I feel this way in person?” “How do I think a Jewish person will feel/What do I think a Jewish person will think if I tell them this?” “Do I care what they feel or think? Why or why not?” “How would I feel/what would I think if someone felt this way or thought this way about me or an identity I value deeply?”

As someone who's primary language is English and doesn't really speak much else besides five different languages and counting of computer, if I'm looking for an as faithful as possible way to read through all of the Judaic religions religious texts given my lingual deficiency in Hebrew, where would I go? Is that even possible? And is this something as a non-jew I am able to do?

Because I know anti-Semites do bait well meaning Jews into pointless arguments and act interested for other cruel purposes (usually to gain trust to later exploit), I'll explain why I'm asking: If you don't follow me, missed the post, or just don't know, my family tree has Nazi's. Plural. Two that anyone can publicly look up if you know my dead lastname or you'll see if you just go through the registry of everyone the Military issued one to during WWII. Now I of course know their beliefs were wrong, terrible, and just disgusting. And as much as my father, my grandparents on my fathers side, and my great grandmother did their best to turn the family away from those kinds of ideals it's obvious that they didn't quite go far enough. With the little exposure I've had to the Jewish beliefs and culture, it's only highlighted the casual Anti-Semitism throughout my life growing up. And you can't fight back against something if you don't know what you're fighting for. Additionally, I've seen the world turn face, more than it already was, against Jewish people. The ongoing conflict with Isreal and Hamas and innocent Jews and Palestinians being caught in the crossfire of an ongoing genocide gone bloody certainly isn't helping, but much of the Anti-Semitic mentality was already there. It's just being said out loud now. And I'm seeing a lot of my great grandfather and his 'Nazi way of thinking' (for lack of a better way to describe it) being more and more commonplace. I can point to all the beliefs the Nazi's had and point out why they were wrong, but I don't know enough about Judaism or Jewish customs to really know how wrong. In the end, I want to do better. I want to learn, because I'm sure there's still things I'm not seeing. And I don't trust half the websites out there because I've been made aware that there's a certain group deliberately disguising itself as Jewish despite being Christian to be a dick (for lack of a better term ... maybe 'cunt' would have also worked? Whichever is harsher really.).

So ... any help is appreciated.

Oh, and just so it's clear: I'll always fight for Jews. This is me asking to be better. I want to be able to understand when a Jewish voice is speaking up to help platform their voice where I can, or when it's someone being harmful and their words are just disguised hate.

If it's wrong by faith and morals to want to choke on a woman's dick, suffocate between the legs of an enby, drown myself in the taste of a mans cunt, and hear the divine moans from the pleasure I provide, then your religion is dark and torturous and I want no part of it. I want to make my partners call out to gods they don't believe in, I want them to hit pitches in moans they never thought possible, for those brief few hours in their presence, I want them to glimpse the peace of every afterlife known and unknown to human kind. I want to gift them bliss, and see them made content. And if that sends me to your religions version of eternal imprisonment and torture, then I guess the next chapter in my existence will be spending my afterlife wading through torturous pain once again to steal one more kiss from the lips of the divine.

You can fear your gods wrath, fear the torture and pain for breaking their rules. I'll accept the challenge of seeing your gods face disgusted and enraged. I don't need your "savior". I need to save a queer person from their shame and dysphoria, and make them feel extraordinary between my sheets.

Call me depraved, call me misguided, call me sick, twisted, disgusting, despicable, and any name you would choose to debase me. I make my bed with the allo's and bake my bread with the aro's you cast aside. In a world you paint with angels and devils, gods and demons, light and shadow, with no grey in-between, I'll be the darkness in the corner and the shadows in the closet where those you cast unjustly aside dwell. Against your hatred, contempt, and dissent; I will be love, respect, and consent. To you, I am Demon; to them I am Goddess, and yet not Queen but equal. I am Her, I am the spirit of resistance against tyranny. I am love made anger, I am hope when surrounded in shadow, I am war when words fail because of obstinate minds wrought from false concepts of superiority, I am She who speaks when no one would, I am words caught in the throat and forced out despite fear. I am rebellion. I ask no altar for worship, no symbol to stand for me, no pedestal to be placed upon. I am comrade, partner, sidekick. I demand egality for all. I am Twin by a name you will not speak. Those that respect me will call me Llorelei. Those that fight with me will call me Accalia or Talia.

I turned replies back on for everyone ... lets not let this get out of hand. -_-

It's been a really long time since someone directly asked me something. You all know you can ask me stuff here and I'll respond unless it's transphobia. I'm a generally open-book person. I don't bite.

I'm d-list (generous) and my GF is in a whole other fucking country, my dom is across a damn ocean, and I've had people solicit me and offer to pay my travel to spend a night with them from places it would take -days- of long-distance travel to get to. I feel this so bad.

it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah to dawn into the realization that as a c-list (generous) online tranny celeb you've *actually* got hoes in different area codes

This includes during. You can decide to do a thing, and then decide mid act you do not wish to continue doing it. There's no rule that says once you start acting on any decision that you have to commit all the way forever. Consent can be revoked at any time.

Is it ok if I ask questions about bottom surgery? I think you said you got it yeah?

It's like this all over my body. Not sure what's pissed my skin off. Trying to figure it out.

The stream didn't happen today because for some reason I've broken out in hives. I'm itchy as shit at random and I don't know what's causing it. I'm isolating to figure out what it is because I'm at 39 hours of no sleep and I'm kind of done with this.

The stream didn't happen today because for some reason I've broken out in hives. I'm itchy as shit at random and I don't know what's causing it. I'm isolating to figure out what it is because I'm at 39 hours of no sleep and I'm kind of done with this.

I have a laptop with a 1060 in it ... it can't exactly run windows these days with the bloat. I want to turn it into a portable drawing machine that can run Krita and upload my shit art to github and social media(if I so want). For this reason I'm falling down the Linux rabbithole again. I'm mildly proficient but would love peoples Linux reccomendations for an old gaming PC to be turned into a Krita/GIMP art machine.

Streaming Fallout New Vegas Tomorrow

As in April 15th 2024 around 6pm Central Standard Time.

I normally do Sunday Streams, as some of you know. HOWEVER. I did a dumb and set up the rendering of the March 25th VOD late today so ... my PC is dying trying to do that. Please give some love to my poor i7-6700 4-core CPU, it's doing it's best keeping a steady 85C. So that VOD will be uploaded tomorrow morning to the channel.

Also, there's video I may also render tonight ... and maybe another I record tomorrow. We'll see.

Things are coming. I'm doing my best. This trans girl is malfunctioning in working order. I'm excited.

Just use OBS. You can literally just add what you need from Streamlabs without their special version of it. If you want I can screen-cap my streaming settings for you and you can tweak what you want from there.

Currently Learning Streamlabs!

Yes, I am currently learning Streamlabs and setting everything up so I can stream DayZ PVE from my laptop (until I can afford a better setup). Steep learning curve yet I know I can do it.

I did a test stream this morning for 5 minutes and already had 10 viewers not counting spam bots.

I've already set up Paypal for donations.

Going to setup automods and probably Serybot and a bunch of other stuff yet I'm excited to make this work and put in creative hours into my DayZ grinding.

If you would like to follow ->

The channel is not fully setup yet it's coming along. I will add all kinds of stuff like a Bio, About, Links, Rules, etc.

I'm trying.

Not sure what you're using for donations but be sure to mention all donations are final in writing somewhere prominent like in the donation pages description, and when you get a donation, be sure to thank them for the donation either on stream or in writing in chat. Then upload the VOD to somewhere permanent like Youtube if you're streaming on Twitch.

The reason for this is to protect yourself from people who will attempt chargebacks on their credit card they use to donate, which will charge you an additional chargeback fee along with the amount. Some bad acting people use this to rack up thousands of dollars in fees to grief streamers. But if you've listed that donations are final and have proof of you thanking them for the donation (proving you saw it) you can contest the chargeback and the fees. This is needed for systems like PayPal.

Just to save you some grief down the line.♡

Currently Learning Streamlabs!

Yes, I am currently learning Streamlabs and setting everything up so I can stream DayZ PVE from my laptop (until I can afford a better setup). Steep learning curve yet I know I can do it.

I did a test stream this morning for 5 minutes and already had 10 viewers not counting spam bots.

I've already set up Paypal for donations.

Going to setup automods and probably Serybot and a bunch of other stuff yet I'm excited to make this work and put in creative hours into my DayZ grinding.

If you would like to follow ->

The channel is not fully setup yet it's coming along. I will add all kinds of stuff like a Bio, About, Links, Rules, etc.

I'm trying.

Professional decisions should be left to the professionals directly and actively involved.

What I mean by this is, if you're not a professional in a particular area or field and directly dealing with that particular situation, you shouldn't be making professional decissions in that area or field on that particular situation. Ie. the only people who should be deciding who gets what medical care options and when are the doctors and medical professionals directly involved, not insurance providers or politicians; the only people who should be deciding what the military spends the money it's been allotted on and what it saves up for are soldiers, not government finance people or politicians; the only people who should be deciding what goes into a videogame and how it's monetized and if it's ready for release are the developers not the investors or corporate management. The list goes on. Everyone wants to be involved in everything, but it's time we learned to tell people to fuck off with their opinions on shit they're not a professional in and/or directly affected by and learned when we, ourselves, need to fuck off and mind our own bloody business.

This is apparently a very contoversial take that upsets a lot of people. I've destroyed family dinners for years with this opinion, and pissed off a number of people over the years.

guys give me your most controversial opinion!!! :D

An educated hypothesis: the same reason lesbian spaces would rather 'disappear' (ie, become non-lesbian specific spaces) rather than adjust their definition of "lesbian" to include transgender women.

A lot of lesbians have defined their lesbian status with a very ridgid association of womanhood based around the concept of being AFAB and sexually female. And rather than admit that someone who's AMAB or sexually male or someone who identifies with values associated with "maleness" can contribute positively to the definition of womanhood and have experiences that are directly shaped by womanhood and thus by lesbianism, they'd rather become "queer-specific" groups than remain "lesbian-specific" and then frame the act as being "inclusive" and not what it actually is which is lesbians discriminating against those they deem too "male" and gatekeeping access to the lesbian community by uncerimoniously making a new group elsewhere. It's not about gender. He/him lesbians who are men, and transgender women are often discriminated against by cisgender lesbians because for many lesbians their definition of being a lesbian and a woman is uniquely tied to being rigidly "anti-male". The concept of 'gold-star' lesbians (lesbians who've never fucked a sexually male partner or 'never had a penis') also stems from this same notion. A 'gold-star lesbian' directly discriminates against transgender women, post-op bottom surgery transgender men and enbies who've gotten the same surgery, and cisgender men who identify with the 'lesbian' label and it's broader connotations by saying the "true lesbians" are those who conform to the female sex body expectation and don't involve themselves romantically or sexually with anyone but cisgender women.

This act of aversion and discrimination is picked up on and enforced by other members (those outside the lesbian community) of the queer community as well. The concept that romance and sexuality are separate, and that gender and gender terms isn't a ridgid binary or based on rigid definitions may be conceptually understood but seldom is it put into practice. And the lesbian community is just one prime example with members having a problem with "maleness" of any flavour in their spaces ... because, once again, lesbisnism is defined for many by sex not gender. Many lesbians are unconsciously or consciously bigoted towards men and those with any association at all to being sexually male. Rather than be inclusive, many lesbians would rather be exclusive.

people are cool with he/him lesbians until he's also a man and then suddenly there's a problem. obviously pronouns do not = gender, but i wonder why this is.