when is comes to asexuality and aromanticism you have to be okay with contradiction. one ace person will say asexuality is about not experiencing attraction, another will say it’s about not caring to act on attraction, another will say it’s not experiencing arousal. one aromantic will consider themself queer, one won’t. two people with seemingly identical experiences will use two different labels. aro people will be in romantic relationships, ace people will have sex. you get it.

everyone read Ace by Angela Chen and Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown. great nonfiction works on asexuality, especially if you want to dive deeper into the ways asexuality intersects with other experiences.

when it comes to asexuality and aromanticism you have to be okay with contradiction. one ace person will say asexuality is about not experiencing attraction, another will say it’s about not caring to act on attraction, another will say it’s not experiencing arousal. one aromantic will consider themself queer, one won’t. two people with seemingly identical experiences will use two different labels. aro people will be in romantic relationships, ace people will have sex. you get it.

There really should be two different words for "I don't experience sexual attraction" and "I don't want to have sex ever". Not arguing that either isn't queer, but they're two entirely different things, and having both under one label is confusing and causes a lot of weird infighting.

I entirely understand this impulse, I’ve had it before, but I think it’s important to remember that asexual is already an umbrella term (as is aromantic for that matter). there probably is a separate term for experiencing attraction with no desire to act on it, alongside a dozen other similar but still unique experiences with their own microlabels. I think asexuality and the asexual community should be a place where a variety of people with overlapping experiences can come together through what they do have in common, which is an atypical experience with sex and sexual attraction, one that falls short of what is deemed socially acceptable. (and this all is coming from someone for whom asexual is the most specific label applicable to my experiences, someone who experiences zero sexual attraction and zero desire for sex.)

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