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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years

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𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐲, 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐲, 𝐨𝐨𝐡-𝐥𝐚-𝐥𝐚

james potter x Seer!reader

summary: james keeps showing up in your readings, so the logical conclusion is you must be horrible at divination. (inspired by "kissy kissy" - isaac dunbar)

w/c: 6.8k

notes: she/her, reader in denial and james is Boy™ about expressing his feelings, hypothetical violence, reader self-friendzoning, first fic in like 3 months + not proofread so go easy on me pls and ily

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

nice to meet ya, i'm pleased 'cause i've seen you around in my astral projections i'm a mess, i'm obsessed, overdressed for you dear, this is my, my confession

there was a reason you weren’t a ravenclaw, and as you sat in front of this damned crystal ball, it was becoming increasingly evident why.

“i have Seen limitless potential amongst this group…” sybill trelawney crooned, waving her hand around in exaggerated loops. “now, relax those conscious minds and tap into your Inner Eyes to see what truly lives beyond this surface reality…”

you weren’t really sure how to access your Inner Eye. you let your eyes—your normal ones—flicker sideways to james, who seemed just as perturbed.

james looked out of place in the bright divination classroom. he hadn’t bothered untangling his bedhead and his glasses were smudged in the corners, which always seemed to bother you more than it did him. he was discreetly rebuttoning his crooked shirt and sneaking glances over his shoulder to avoid trelawney’s “all-knowing eye.”

your best friend was undeniably pretty, this you knew. even with his eyebrows furrowed and the skin on his lips beginning to peel from the harsh november air, you could practically feel the admiring gazes and swooning stares from around the room directed at james’ back—and you, by association—instead of the crystal balls the class was meant to be studying.

“alright, ‘m sorry about that, sweetheart!” james’ head popped up and he smiled at you with too much energy for so early in the morning. “ready to gaze?”

you scoffed. “please, i’ve already Seen your entire life in the time it took you to button your shirt.” you squinted at the hazy glass as you pretended to glean a message from the future.

“well, what do you see?” james shuffled closer like he’d only be able to see the same imaginary image if his thigh was touching yours.

“how interesting…” you tsked, extending a cautious hand to touch the glass. “it looks like you’re lying on the ground-”

“well, i’ve always loved naps-”

“-but you’re screaming! oh wow, you’re thrashing around too. you’re being eaten! by a big… black… dog!”

sirius’ head whipped around. he winked when he caught your eye. “it looks like we’ve got ourselves a Seer!” he announced. “c’mon, See something for us!”

james laughed, elbowing you encouragingly as you rolled your eyes. divination was no one’s favorite subject (except maybe lisa turpin’s, who was either a very gifted Seer or a very convincing fraud) and you often found yourself passing time in class by conjuring ridiculous predictions with the marauders.

you turned to your crystal ball and tried to muster up a shred of seriousness, but all you could hear was lisa turpin muttering something in the back of the classroom. godric, she had such an annoying voice. it wasn’t like you cared about divination or anything, but lisa turpin was such a stuck-up teacher’s pet and trelawney always fell for it; you were pretty sure she was lying anyway, and—

trelawney’s eyes appeared in the reflection of your crystal ball and you jerked back with a shriek, frightened by the buglike quality of her glasses further warped by the ball’s distortion. two strong hands wrapped around your biceps and anchored you in place.

“sybill! i’m so sorry, you really- i-” you huffed, pressing a hand to your racing heart. “i got caught up in my… reading.”

“not to worry, dear,” trelawney mused, patting your shoulder. she didn’t so much as look down at you as she spoke. “it appears i was right… we do have a Seer among us… now, why don’t you take a look into your ball? yes, do bless us with your premonition…”

you shook the hands off your biceps—james’ hands—and tried to smile at trelawney. it probably looked more like a grimace.

lisa turpin’s scathing look of jealousy did not calm your on-the-spot nerves. you widened your eyes at james. for a second you saw a resemblance between his large, circular frames to trelawney’s curved, oversized lenses.

james raised his eyebrows in silent communication. “just make something up.”

“what do i say?” you panicked and the corners of your lips twitched up and down.

“uh, predict something really horrible,” james mouthed. “like… tell her that pads kills me, but make it gorier and more devastating this time. also, do i look good with scars? i’ve heard girls love it when i guy is half dead and covered in blood.”

you felt a smile tugging at your mouth and you shook off the flutter of butterfly wings that james’ cheeky suggestion lit in your stomach. leaning closer to the crystal ball, you pretended to See, waving your hands around as mysteriously as you could for dramatic effect.

“i see something!” you declared, much to trelawney’s delight. you hummed, tilting your head as you pretended to look more intently. “it looks like…”

to your surprise, the hazy center of the crystal ball began shifting, almost like a white cloud of finely ground floo dust was being blown and scattered into the air. two figures, almost familiar, emerged from the dust and began approaching each other from either sides of the ball with smooth, confident strides. you frowned. of course you’d “seen” things in divination before, like a three-legged cat in your tea leaves or a tic-tac-toe board in the creases of someone’s palm, but nothing with such clarity. it was much more frightening having your first experience under the scrutinizing gaze of trelawney and lisa turpin.

the two figures began fading away and you were glad that the anomalous Sight had finally left you alone. you cleared your throat, prepared to make up some tragedy that would appeal trelawney—

two hands, one small and one large, had taken focus in the center of the crystal ball. you looked behind you. there were no intertwined hands culpable of casting a reflection. tendrils of graceful smoke morphed into fingers that interlocked until the hands folded in on themselves had suddenly become lips… lips that were brushing against each other, gently at first, before diving forward with heat and vigor. you weren’t sure whose steamy makeout session you were predicting, but it was an awful time to be thinking about these sorts of things. you couldn’t stop the tingling on your own lips and a thunderous roar in your own ears as you stared, transfixed, at the scene before you…

“-y’ alright? still there? …hey, sweetheart?” james’ hushed voice roused you from your gazing. you jolted into the present and felt those steadying hands on your biceps once more; instead of shaking him off this time, you let yourself cross your arms over your chest and cover his hands with yours. you pressed your lips into a flat smile at james and then directed it toward trelawney, who was still waiting eagerly for a report.

“i saw, uh,” you stammered, unwilling to divulge the true nature of your Sight. “i saw a dying man. yeah, it was really, really sad. he was being torn apart by a rabid dog—a big, ugly one—and there was blood everywhere!” you snuck a glance at james, who winked at you and squeezed your muscles encouragingly. “oh, it was terrible. i’m feeling really worn out and- and lightheaded after Seeing that. i think i should lay down… don’t want to overdo it…”

professor trelawney nodded, solemn but understanding. “wonderful job, dear. how honored i am to have another Seer this year… i look forward to seeing where you go… now, let’s get back to gazing, class!” trelawney lingered for a moment, staring down at you fondly, before making her way to sirius and peter’s table with a disapproving frown already loaded and prepared.

“ you’ve got the Sight, now, have you?” james teased, his frustratingly attractive grin growing with each fervent shake of your head.

“merlin, not this again-”

“what does my future hold, O great and omniscient Seer?” james pressed the palms of his hands together in a begger’s pose and leaned into your side, resting his head on your shoulder. his unruly curls tickled the bare skin at the base of your neck. the poor boy must not have slept well last night.

“you’re not funny, potter,” you grumbled. you said this each time he poked fun at trelawney’s fondness toward you and each time he ignored it.

“yes, i am.” james cozied his head further into your shoulder. you shivered involuntarily. “i know you think i’m funny. everyone thinks i’m funny. even evans thinks i’m funny.”

of course, james had to go and mention lily evans.

there was nothing wrong with lily evans. in fact, there was nothing about lily evans that could be described as less than lovely. you could see why james was so taken with her—she was clever and hardworking and kind. she was beautiful, too.

you felt your smile falter and you plastered on a new one, albeit very unconvincingly. “lily!” you exclaimed with false excitement. “oh yeah, she’s wonderful. i wonder what she’s Seeing?”

sitting not far from you, lily and marlene seemed undisturbed by your macabre prediction and james’ foolery. you watched as lily lightly tapped the surface of the crystal ball with a well-manicured finger. marlene giggled at whatever it was they Saw; she leaned over and scribbled something on lily’s divination journal.

lily caught your eye and blushed. you waved awkwardly, feeling heat creep up your neck from being caught staring. you felt james’ chest vibrate as he chuckled gently behind you. james shot up and removed his head from your shoulder when he noticed lily’s attention directed toward the two of you. he fixed his posture, shifting himself until his thigh was no longer touching yours. james nodded in acknowledgement to the two girls and you watched as lily’s smile grew.

it was cruel, you thought. it was cruel of james to make you feel this way, but mostly, it was cruel that you got upset every time the two of them seemed happy. they were two of the best people you knew—who wished discontent upon their friends? maybe that was what distinguished lily from you… lily wouldn’t be resentful if she were in your shoes.

“what’s goin’ on?” james muttered. where his head had once rested was now his warm, wandering hand, rubbing and massaging your shoulders. “you’re tense all of a sudden.” james’ other hand cupped your cheek and guided your head around to face him. his lower lip jutted (and you tried to ignore that) as his eyes searched yours. “is something wrong? did you actually see something just then?”

you swallowed hard and tried not to choke on your own saliva. yes, there was something deeply wrong, you wanted to say. it was wrong of you to feel this way toward your best friend, especially when he was feeling this way—feeling love—for someone else.

you cleared your throat. “all good, james.” you pushed his hands off you and grabbed your divination journal, holding it between your and james’ body like a shield.

“moony, can i copy your divination homework?” james slumped onto one of the common room couches; coincidentally, the same one you were already occupying. his head landed heavy in your lap. james sighed contentedly as he tucked his hands behind his mass of hair, fingers brushing against your thighs.

“no,” remus deadpanned, rolling his eyes at james. no, not just james… james on your lap. james and you, you and james, james was on top of you… remus needed to-

“cut it out!” you yelped, grabbing two fistfulls of james’ hair in shock. “you’re tickling me!”

james’ fingers twitched from beneath his head, sending another wave of shivers through your body that you were pretty sure james could feel. “i’m not tickling you,” james frowned.

“yes, you are!” you tugged at james’ wrists, exhaling in relief as soon as his hands were no longer touching your legs. “you’re being touchy today,” you noted. “what’s up with that?”

“am i not allowed to touch my favorite girl?” james pouted, batting his eyelashes innocently.

“no, because you’re making me…”

“shy?” james suggested.

“uncomfortable?” remus countered.

“oh, merlin!” james practically lept out of his skin. “i’m so sorry! i wasn’t making you uncomfortable, was i?”

you melted at the worry in his voice. “nah,” you admonished, wrinkling your nose, “you’re fine. come back here.” in all honesty, you were more than fine with james’ head on your lap. there was nothing sexual about it; physical affection had always been a facet of your and james’ relationship. you rather liked it, actually. if you could, you’d like to be able to hold james forever. but he could never know that.

“wait,” james said suddenly, falling into your side and grabbing your arm, which he seemed to be doing a lot these days. “have you done the divination homework? can i copy yours, please?”

“why, did remus already say no?”

james had the decency to look guilty.

“well, normally i’d let you, but the homework is supposed to be analyzing palmistry data from last class. did you- did you not do that?”

james frowned and looked down at his hand. “what does trelawney even want me to write; ‘james potter has ugly quidditch callouses?’”

“you have to analyze someone else’s palm, idiot,” marlene chimed in from across the common room. “just make something up if you have to. that’s what i did with lily.”

james looked down at his hand thoughtfully and then at yours. “you’ll be my palmistry partner, right, sweetheart?”

“don’t you ‘sweetheart’ me, potter, i’m not helping you with divination ag-”

“thank you!” james cried, throwing his arms around you and burying his head in your chest, forgetting all about his previous inhibitions. you fumbled backward on the couch until your back was pressed flat against the cushions, james on top of you and hanging onto your torso.

you could feel james’ heart pounding through the fabric of his shirt. his body was warm all over. poor james. he must’ve been really nervous about his divination homework.

“you’re the best friend ever,” james said, his voice muffled as he remained face-down, pressed against your side with no intention of moving.

marlene raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “‘best friend,’ my ass,” she mouthed to sirius.

sirius waved his hand dismissively. “his words, not mine.”

you chastised james as best as you could with your respiratory abilities compromised. he clambered off you and extended a gentlemanly hand he used to tug you upright.

instead of letting your hand go, he turned it over and splayed your fingers until your palm was exposed, facing upright and nestled in his larger one.

“you have nice hands,” james commented absentmindedly. “they’re a good size.”

“for what?” you stiffened as james began rubbing slow circles into the center of your palm, suddenly hyper-aware of how intimate your touches had become.

“for holding,” james said. he was silent for a moment as he traced your life line. you didn’t speak. you didn’t dare breathe. james’ thumb was tracing the creases in your palm because he was completing an overdue assignment, not because he was admiring the way your skin looked against his. his touch was soft because he was your friend, not because he was caressing you like a lover, you had to remind yourself.

“okay,” you responded stupidly.

“yeah, okay.” james cleared his throat. “for holding and- and for palmistry, of course. you’re still gonna be my palmistry girl, right?”

he ran his hands through his hair sheepishly, fighting a couple knots at the back of his head. james was whispering to himself, dragging the nail of his pinkie finger along the lines on your palm, like a cartographer mapping out a foreign land he was afraid to one day forget. there was a part of you that ached to tilt his chin up so he could memorize the planes of your face instead—and so you might do the same—but the part of you that treasured your friendship with james won. it always did.

“pass my bag, please?” james murmured, tapping your knee with his free hand. with a flick of your wrist, you summoned his divination journal.

“wandless magic,” marlene laughed in astonishment. “remind me why you aren’t a ravenclaw?”

you huffed. “well, i’m no good at riddles and i-”

“-oh, you’re plenty smart!” lily interrupted. you felt your heart sputter. “i mean it; you’re the only person who’s properly predicted anything in divination.”

lily sounded so earnest that you felt a stab of guilt pass through your chest. you weren’t actually good at divination—all you’ve ever seen was gibberish—and right now you were distracting james from spending time with the girl he’d been pining after for years who had just began to tolerate him.

“-and what are you doing, james?” lily asked, cutting through your spiraling thoughts.

a few beats of motionlessness from james prompted you to scratch his head to catch his attention. james seemed to startle momentarily before glancing up at you and lily shyly, cheeks slightly flushed and tongue swiping over his teeth.

“yeah, hi lily!” james blurted, blinking a few times to come to his senses. “i’m- we’re just doing divination stuff… palmistry and whatnot.”

james was all of a sudden much less confident and you felt a second knife of guilt cut through your conscience. you wanted to be the one flustering him. but that wasn’t a very kind thing to wish upon someone, was it? the guilt ate at you again—oh, how you wanted to be selfish and have your best friend all to yourself; but you couldn’t, not without tearing him and lily apart and not without ruining the most important relationship in your life, platonic may it be.

“no offense, but i’ve never seen you so dedicated to homework. and divination, of all things! did trelawney say something to you, or what?” lily shifted her weight to one leg and quirked her head, examining james.

“i thought you’d be glad to see me doing my work, evans,” james said, “you’re always nagging me about it.”

lily rolled her eyes, grinning. “you act like i enjoy nagging you. if nobody reminded you, i’m fairly sure you would’ve failed out of being quidditch captain. though, it looks like it’s not my responsibility anymore.” lily jutted her head toward you.

“yep! that’s me,” you smiled fakely, feeling second to lily once again. “so, what does my palm say?”

james turned back toward you. “right, right! so, you have the mount of jupiter, which means you have a connection to…” james peered over his shoulder at his divination textbook. “you’ve got a connectioin to the spiritual realm and divine aptitudes.” james looked pleased with himself. “hey, i figure that’s a pretty accurate reading! you’re good at divination, after all.

“hm… i think your head line is saying you let your doubts get in the way of seeing what’s actually in front of you. maybe that you fixate on what you think you know, and that prevents you from learning and growth? and…

“ooh-la-la! you’ve got a deep heart line.” james waggled his eyebrows at you. “who’s the special someone?”

you clicked your tongue. “and you were on such a roll too. nope, there’s nobody for me.”

james seemed much too cheerful at your pitiful state of loveless solitude.

“merlin, will you at least pretend to feel bad for me?” you said in acknowledgement of james’ eager expression. you loved james, but sometimes his enthusiasm shone at the wrong moments.

“no, that’s not what i-” james started. “okay, but look. your heart line really is deep. i would know; mine is too.”

“but james, you’re a hopeless romantic. everyone adores you. i’m not exactly the mushy gushy type.”

james scoffed. “oh please, plenty of people like you! what about that twat from hufflepuff- what was his name? joshua matthews?”

you looked at james, unimpressed.

“okay, i know i didn’t like him at the time… but who the hell has two first names instead of a normal surname? hey, there was also anthony abbott in third year and winston clearwater last year.”

“right, well that’s what you think. how come none of them ever asked me out, huh?” you rebutted. you weren’t that self-deprecating. you knew you were pretty and you knew that joshua matthews for sure liked you, but there was no explanation as to why, in your five years at hogwarts, nobody had ever asked you out.

“well, maybe they-” james seemed to lose momentum. “maybe they were just… intimidated?”

“wait, am i scary?” you stressed.

“no! they’re just cowards. all of ‘em. anyone who can’t tell you how they really feel… well, there’s a reason none of them were in gryffindor,” james laughed awkwardly. “yeah, that’s pretty cowardly of them. that’s why you deserve way better, sweetheart.”

“right, james.” you drawled in a way james knew you didn’t believe him. “it’s whatever. i didn’t really care for them too much anyway.”

do you see me or hear me, just give me a sign i just want your attention Teenage Dream on repeat as i stare into space write your name in my journal (i should burn it, right?)

you were going to toss yourself out the girl’s dormitory window. you were pretty high up; you figured the tower was high enough to at least knock you out long enough for you to forget this very, very bad dream.

well, the dream was only bad because it was so good.

in your dream, you had been in the quidditch stands with paint on your cheeks and a hoarse voice from screaming; your mittens were in your pockets so that you could clap louder. maybe if you clapped loud enough, your boyfriend, james potter, would hear you over the deafening crowd. you had tucked your nose into the scarf around your neck, hiding the evidence of last night’s activities, and breathed in james’ cologne.

you could not handle this today.

“what’s going on up there?” lily was perched on the wooden foot of her bed, brushing her long, ginger locks with all the grace of a fairytale princess. “in your head, i mean.”

you realized you’d been sitting upright on your bed and staring into space for probably a few minutes now, stuck in your daydream continuation of last night’s horrendous, disgusting, absolutely revolting fantasy.

“nothing,” you brushed off. “i’m just dreading divination. i bet trelawney’s gonna make me do a reading in front of the class or something.”

“well, at least it won’t be spontaneous,” marlene said. “we’re doing our dream journals today. you can just read whatever you wrote. bam, easy.”

oh yeah, you definitely could not handle this today.

like the cherry on top of a curdled ice cream sundae, you arrived to divination two minutes late. normally, that wouldn’t have been a big deal. (plus, you were trelawney’s new favorite and she was bound to let you off easy.) well, it was a big deal today. everybody else had found their seats, and as always, james had saved the one next to him for you. it wasn’t as if you could simply take another seat, not when he was looking at you with those eyes.

“mornin’ jamie,” you whispered, stealing a glance at the blushing boy as you dug through your satchel for your dream journal. “d’you wake up late too? looks like you’ve just run across the castle.”

james clapped his hands to his cheeks. “what, am i red?”

“a little,” you admitted, pinching one of his cheeks gently. “don’t worry about it. you’re cute.”

james went even darker. the poor boy must’ve had a rough morning too. perhaps he’d eaten the jalepeño omlettes at breakfast today instead of his usual spinach ones.

“what’d i miss?” you absentmindedly recorded the dream you’d had in your journal as trelawney lectured on about interpretation and her latest prediction.

james shrugged. “not much. lisa turpin tried sitting next to me, but don’t worry, i fended her off. i’m pretty sure she wants to peel off and wear your skin, if i’m to be honest. she’s been vying for trelawney’s attention all year.”

“james,” you teased, “i’m pretty sure it’s because she has a crush on you.”

“a crush? on little old me?” james pressed his hand to his heart and looked at you pointedly. “there’s no way. you know my heart will only ever belong to one.”

that was true. james, unlike sirius, wasn’t the type to flirt shamelessly or sleep around, though he could if he wanted. james was one of those kids who grew up on happily-ever-afters instead of beetle the bard. even today, he was a vehement defender of true love and soulmates and fate, and you weren’t sure if that was admirable or naive.

“don’t underestimate yourself, pretty boy. every girl in our class—no, probably in the whole school—has liked you at some point.”

james went quiet and for a moment you thought trelawney was behind you. (she was not.)

“every girl?” james swallowed thickly, his adam’s apple bobbing. perhaps he needed a drink of water, you thought. “uh, including you?”

your teasing smile faded. “i mean, i-”

“-now, let’s get started on our interpretations, shall we?” trelawney interrupted loudly, and it seemed your luck was turning up for the first time this morning. “shall we first try an example? how about… you, my darling?” to your horror, trelawney waved her fabric-draped arm toward you, bangles clinking together and drawing the entire classroom’s attention toward your mortified expression. unlucky again; it seemed you’d spoken too soon.

you did a quick scan of the room and then a quick scan of what you’d written in your journal. shit. fuck. shit. there was no way you could read this out loud, especially not while sitting next to james.

fuck! shit! fuck! you were sitting next to james, who could definitely see the writing on the page. you slammed your journal shut and looked up at trelawney, frenzied. “um, could somebody else read their journal, please?” you managed to croak out.

trelawney looked slightly disappointed, but obliged. “miss mckinnon, why don’t we hear from you?”

you refused to look at james. your eyes were glued to your lap as you listened to marlene clear her throat. “well, the gist of it was that gryffindor won the quidditch cup by around 200 points, which was sick, but i analyzed something else. it was really interesting, actually. y’know, i couldn’t tell i was dreaming until i woke up because it was all so realistic-”

“please stay focused,” trelawney said, the corner of her mouth twitching.

“right! sorry, professor. anyway, james was actually in my dream—yeah, hey james—” marlene said, waving in your direction, “and i’m gonna be honest, he wasn’t looking too great. super muddy and sweaty and stuff; he’s always kinda gross after games… regardless, you didn’t seem to mind.”

marlene wasn’t even trying to be subtle. she pointed a finger at you and waved it in a small circle. “yeah, the two of you had no complaints when you started eating each other’s faces off. it was such a nightmare, professor. i was having such a good time celebrating our win and then, of course, it just had to be ruined by bloody james potter and-”

trelawney cut off marlene, red-faced and unprepared. “good job, miss mckinnon; thank you for your contribution. why don’t we speak after class?”

there was a low wave of “oooh”s and hushed gossip, but trelawney shut that down as well. “no, miss mckinnon, you’re not in trouble. i’m simply curious; you seem to excel at dream work. many students-” trelawney coughed pointedly, “overlook its usefulness… dreams are a direct gateway to the subconscious, and oftentimes our Inner Minds are wiser and more perceptive than we think. you’ve done a good job, miss mckinnon; quite accurate. you have a wonderful mind and impressive clarity. this will take you far.”

marlene was smug as she settled into her cushion and elbowed lily. lily bit her bottom lip as she tried to conceal a laugh. after swallowing their amusement, the two girls looked in the direction of you and james. well, more so james. you weren’t sure if either lily or marlene could actually see you. you had shrunk into yourself in your embarrassment and you prayed you were no longer visible to the curious class.

it didn’t matter though, not really, because you were still visible to the one person whose opinion mattered most. you were seated, transfixed and frozen, right next to james, who seemed equally as taken aback. your heart was thudding so violently you thought it might grow wings, expel itself from your throat, and land in a bloody, drooly puddle on your lap. that might actually be less embarrassing than this, whatever this was.

and you couldn’t help but furrow your eyebrows when you noticed lily’s eyes still glued on james. her straight brows were raised so high they formed creases on her forehead and you felt a second wave of shame overtake you. lily must’ve been heartbroken. not only had marlene told the entire class about her dream, but she’d done so while sitting next to lily, who’d been clearly pining after james for months now. you knew marlene and lily were friends. what was that all about?

james pushed his hair back from his face and adjusted his glasses. he seemed equally as flustered as you, if not more. james’ eyes flickered between lily and marlene and ever so often his nervous hands would come back up to his face and fiddle with something—a stray curl, an itch on the back of his neck, or the tip of his pinkened nose.

“i need to use the loo!” you jumped to your feet, declaring your bladder’s needs much louder than necessary. trelawney shooed you with a dismissive hand and you scrambled past sirius and remus’ table, pretending not to notice their trailing stares on your back.

you didn’t actually need to use the loo. clarification: you didn’t have to pee. you entered a stall anyway. waves of nausea had been coming and going ever since james had caught sight of what was written inside your journal, and it was better to be safe than sorry, right? the only thing that could make today worse was if you hurled all over your uniform.

your hands were trembling as you rubbed your eyes and took a shaky breath. how were you supposed to recover from this? at this point, it wasn’t just your relationship with james on the line, but lily’s feelings too. and, if the situation escalated, you could risk losing sirius, remus, and peter to the awkwardness between you and james. you loved marlene, you truly did, but damn if you didn’t want to jinx her off her broom during the next quidditch game.

your misery must’ve made the time pass faster, because soon after your classroom escape, you heard the bustling of students pushing their way through the corridors to their next classes. you kept your head down as a couple girls streamed into the bathroom, chatting freely and checking their reflections, and hoped not to be spoken to.

“hey, you’re that girl from divination, right?” some hufflepuff caught your elbow before you made it to the door. “the one mckinnon had a dream about?”

“uh, yep. that’s me.” you pursed your lips and tried to look like you weren’t on the verge of murdering marlene.

“aw, i knew it! i just have to say, you and james are like, the cutest ever. i’m kind of jealous. victoria over there-” the hufflepuff tilted her head toward a ravenclaw girl leaving over a sink and re-applying her lipstick, “-was totally freaking out when i told her about it. she’s had a crush on sirius for like, ever. do you think you could introduce her?”

you shut your mouth as soon as you realized you were gawking. “wait, sorry, i’m a little lost. you want me to introduce you to sirius?”

“yeah, ‘cause sirius is more likely to listen to his mate’s girlfriend, right?” the hufflepuff said.

“wait, james and i aren’t together—no, marlene just had a really weird dream. we’re friends. been friends forever. only friends. plus, james is all over lily evans, so…”

“lily evans?” victoria hummed as she smudged her lipstick with her finger. “i thought lily didn’t like james. she’s always looking at him like she’s judging him.”

“‘cause she’s probably checking him out,” you countered.

“there’s no way,” the hufflepuff argued. “she’s been rejecting him since second year. she’s like, never shown any interest in him at all.”

“i mean, i dunno. but i should probably go to my next class.” you patted your side to check for your satchel. it wasn’t there. you must’ve left it in the classroom. “and i’ve gotta go get my bag—sorry, but it was nice talking to you!”

you heard the girls giggling as you rushed out of the bathroom.

the crowd of students had thinned out from when the bell first rang; you took the stairs to the divination tower two at a time. as you hoisted yourself up through the trapdoor, you remembered what trelawney had said just before you ran out.

“…our Inner Minds are wiser and more perceptive than we think. you’ve done a good job, miss mckinnon; quite accurate.”

what did she mean by that? the dream wasn’t accurate by any means—you’d never kissed james before (though you would not at all be opposed to it). everyone knew trelawney was a bit off her rocker, and you’d never taken divination seriously, but there was something undeniably odd about this situation. what were the chances you’d have the exact same dream as marlene?

“hey…” the voice behind you send a dreadful creep of goosebumps down your arms. “you missed the rest of class.”

you turned around slowly, like a character who was about to die in a low-budget horror movie. “james?”

“yeah?” james stood in front of you, holding the strap of your bag with an outstretched arm and looking unusually shy.

“um, yeah. i was in the bathroom.” you sighed, mustering the last of your sense of normalcy. “so, what’d i miss?”

“we finished our dream analysis and trelawney assigned us an essay on dream symbolism; two pages. you… uh, you left your journal out so i packed it for you. i hope that’s okay.”

“wow! that’s so- thanks, james. that’s so kind of you. thanks.” you stammered, reaching out to take your bag from his offering hand. james’ knuckles were pale, and when he released his grip, there were faint indents from how tightly his fist had held the strap.

“you’re welcome,” james said dully. “i guess we should get going, right? to class, and all.”

“yep. yeah, to class.”

there was a heavy silence between the two of you, during which neither of you moved. james’ eyes were boring into yours and rather than making you uncomfortable, it felt like he was seeing right through your thinly stretched facade of faux-platonic feelings.

“i’m so sorry, i-saw-the-inside-of-your-journal-but-i-swear-it-was-an-accident,” james blurted, eyes wide and apologetic. it seemed like he hadn’t meant to speak, and he clapped his hand over his mouth. even as you felt yourself actively disintegrating from humiliation, you still found yourself thinking how endearing james looked when he chewed his lower lip and let his eyes wander across the classroom; anywhere but your face.

“oh,” you muttered, “i’m sorry about that too.”

“what?” james’ head snapped back until he was facing you once more. he stepped forward and you forced yourself to stay where you were. james looked frantic. he blinked twice in confusion. “what are you talking about? why are you apologizing? you have nothing to apologize for,” he reassured you. his words came out like a half-formed train of thought, rushed and blurring into each other.

“it’s so invasive and inappropriate; i swear, i didn’t mean to have that- that sort of- i didn’t mean to dream about you! i don’t know what happened, it must’ve been some subconscious thought or- or something,” you blabbed, waving your hands in front of you as you tried to explain yourself. “i hope i haven’t made you uncomfortable; i don’t want this to ruin our friendship or anything, and i completely understand if you want to sit with someone else in divination or something-”

“wait, please don’t apologize!” james rushed forward in a surge of desperation-fuelled bravery. “i don’t want you to apologize.”

“you don’t want me to apologize?” you repeated dumbly. “but-”

james placed his hands on both your shoulders and shook you gently. “no, i don’t want you to apologize! i’m- i- how do i say this…” james closed his eyes and took a deep breath. you watched his eyelashes flutter with the movement of his eyelids. “i’ve had so many dreams about you, just like that one. and sweetheart, i’d love nothing more than for those to be real. i like you. i like you so much.”

you squinted at him, dumbfounded. it must’ve looked like you were judging him, because james backtracked immediately.

“i mean, only if you want it to be real- i’m sorry if that’s creepy or gross or perverted; i swear, it was all family-friendly. no funny business. i just really like you, sweetheart, and i can’t stop thinking about you, and i mean, for you it might’ve been some subconscious thought but you’re in my mind all the time,” james said. he pulled his hands from your shoulders and held them in the air, like he’d been caught stealing. “maybe i’ve misinterpreted this; maybe i-”

“what about lily?” you coughed out.

“what d’you mean, ‘what about lily?’”

“lily likes you, james. i thought you liked her too.”

“what? lily does not like me.”

“james,” you sighed exasperatedly, “she totally does-”

“i- lily’s been this close-” james pinched his fingers together, “-to slaughtering me because i’ve been trying to ask you out for nearly a year now and i keep chickening out.”

“wait, a year? you’ve liked me for a whole year?”

“um, yes. and are you gonna say anything? like, do you like me too? i’m kind of freaking out here, sweetheart.”

“jamie, are you insane? i’ve been bloody in love with you since forever; merlin, i like you so much it’s embarrassing,” you scoffed.

“what? why didn’t you say anything?” james exclaimed, mouth dropping open as he leaned backwards to look you up and down incredulously.

“well, how was i supposed to know you felt the same? i didn’t want to mess everything up! it’s not like you said anything either.”

“are you kidding? sirius said i was making it obvious!” james cringed, dipping his head in defeat. he took your hands in his and squeezed them as he chided you. “hell, even marlene and trelawney saw it before you!”

“in my defense, am i really supposed to believe what trelawney does?” you huffed, crossing your arms in frustration. “you always talk about how she’s a fraud! you were totally sending me mixed messages!”

james looked down at you. his glasses were beginning to slip down his nose and you wanted nothing more than to push them back up, but he had you transfixed. he unwraveled one of his hands from yours but his touch never left; his fingers brushed up your forearm and squeezed your shoulder affectionately before cupping your jaw. james’ thumb brushed against your mouth, coaxing apart your pursed lips and soothing your pinched expression.

“what did you see in the crystal ball?” james whispered teasingly, eyes never leaving yours.

you remembered the way your own lips had tingled as you watched the smoky figures kiss and you felt your mouth curve into a self-satisfied smirk, knowing—despite how cliché it sounded—you’d actually predicted the future. pushing yourself to your toes, you threw your arms around james’ neck and pressed your lips against his and it was like you were back in the divination classroom once more and you were feeling the haze of the crystal ball overtake your mind as you drowned in the heat of james’ kiss. there was nothing else in the world except the brush of james’ tongue against your bottom lip, his choked inhale from when you pulled him closer by the front of his shirt, and the victorious bubble in your stomach at having secured yourself an O in divination. take that, lisa turpin.

james laughed breathlessly, eyes flickering between yours as his face shuffled through a million different emotions. “i take it back. trelawney is not a fraud."

kissy kissy ooh-la-la, babe, i want ya so tell me that you want me the same i fantasize about you today and tomorrow so kissy kissy ooh-la-la, forever

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

general taglist: @im-a-slut-for-fluff @bambamwolf87 @yourallihave @cowboibeepbeep @liszblog @springflwer07 @getawayfrommewerewolf @soumya-13 @ilovedilfs32 @valqarh @valvlry @losa12308 @darkenwolfie @bookishlover13 @lonniepoo @fromcabin13 @mystarlightswiftt @inthegetawaycarwithtaylah

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#james potter x reader #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #james potter fluff #james potter mutual pining #james potter friends to lovers #james potter x reader fluff #Spotify

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cornishpixiez · 1 year

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lazy skate co, part 2

here's part 1

part 3 ;)

#OKAY HERE WE GOOOOO #part two of ???? idk i’m having too much fun #mutual pining aka wolfstar #cmon moony get a fucking grip #comic series: lazy skate co #ziggy’s art #wolfstar #jegulus #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #regulus black #lily evans

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perpetuallydaydreaming · 1 year

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will you marry me?

5 times remus has asked you to marry him and 1 extra.

tags: remus lupin x f!reader,, fluff,, angst,, no mention of the word y/n,, childhood friends to lovers,, mutual pining,, character death

first time at 5 years old;

your eldest sister was off to marry in spring and so naturally the whole house was buzzing with excitement and terror. and you, like any impressionable child, felt the tingles of something exciting happening before your very eyes.

lulu, your best ultimate mate as you so graciously dubbed him, felt this energy too.

or at least the many flowers and coloured envelopes scattered on the table, seem to ring some alarms for him.

“this table is too small,” he frowns, stopping his pretend chopping of the leaves, and looking longingly at the dinner table, filled with scattered wedding paraphernalia.

you shrugged, ponytail swishing as you move around him.

“we have to make room, my sister is to be mary.” you confidently repeated what your mum said to you in the morning. when you had whined at the lack of play space.

now you’re humming like it’s obvious, why you were given a child’s table and now have to play kitchen with one pot instead of four because of the lack of space. the confident pretence of a child to show they’re mature enough not to complain.

“why does she have to be mary?” he asks, his shoulder bumping into you, “i thought she likes her name hilda?”

you scoff, clearly lulu does not know of the way of being mary. so naturally, you being older (by a few months) needs to teach him. or else, however is he going to be a proper grown up?

“because she wants to be a wife. so she has to be mary first.”

“a wife?” he asks intrigued, “like mummy and daddy?”

you laugh, patting his head, “only mummies can be a wife, silly. daddies are hus-butts.” you stood straighter, having this conversation with your mum before. “mother says, you have to love first and then be a mary. so you can play with them even after dinner and eat chocolates and make children.”

he seems to perk up even more, looking at you. his eyes as usual, gleaming with obvious awe, “to make children? with what?”

you pout, having no answer.

you haven’t asked your mum this question yet. too busy thinking of how many mary’s there are in your town.

still, you try to think of an answer.

you don’t want to let lulu down, you are after all his only hope for knowing things.

luckily, you’ve overheard this one conversation last week, your sister moving after she becomes mary so they can begin making a family.

you raise your head, hand on your hip and your other pointed as if in a lecture.

you said in your most confident voice. “you enter specific rooms in the house, and always make sure it’s locked. and then you wait until you can come out with children. but you must only do this if you love them. that is the ultimate rule. or else it won’t work.”

“wow,” he breathed, he clenched his fists then, looking utmost determined. before screaming in glee and confidence, the only way a naive child could. “then let’s make children! be mary and then we can play all night!”

you clicked your tongue, disappointed he hadn’t comprehended. “but you should love me first.”

his cheeks heated pink, indignant, “but i do. i love you a whole lot! and i wanna play here all the time.”

you shook your head, grim. “we can’t.” sounding so heartbroken, as much as any five year old could sound.

because you’ve already asked your mum if you could make children with lulu and she said, you’re only suppose to do that if you’re a grown up in love.

you asked, what’s the difference? you were plenty grown. 5 is one hand after all.

and your sister said to you, amusement lacing her words, a grown up to take care of you and cherish you. someone able to help you and grow with you.

you look at lulu. his thin arms and his lack of knowledge.

certainly not a grown up. not a proper man who can be with you, at all.

“i don’t love you, so we can’t.” you say this huffing, now turning completely to your make shift pot and stirring the water and leaves.

lulu cried loud that day, wailing like a little kid.

and nodding to yourself knowing you’ve made the right choice. he is so not a grown up. even if his pinched face made you feel queasy.

your mum rushing over and asking what was wrong. when you told her, she laughed out loud, and hugged you both, brushing remus’ hair out of his tear streaked face.

and you wonder what was so funny when he looked so sad.

second time at 11 years old;

remy was horrified.

you realize this as he stares at you in a crazed panic. and as always, it was up to you to be strong.

“what do you mean by that?” puffing your chest out and stood to cover remy from potter.

“didn’t you know? kissing makes girls pregnant.” he whispered, loudly in the empty halls, scandalized as he went to look at your stomach as if it will inflate this instant.

you fight the urge to cover that area with your robes. willing yourself to be brave for the both of you.

“surely… that isn’t true.”

potter scoffs, offended to have been doubted, “yes it is, i heard a prefect say so.”

you feel remy grab the back of your robes in panic. the reference enough to persuade him. you almost roll your eyes, but instead sighed to calm yourself down.

“i ought to tell you lot to be careful.” potter looked at the both of you meaningfully, and inhaling sharply as a flash of embarrassment burns into your brain.

you weren’t able to will the heat of your cheeks to dissipate, before it showed on your cheeks. your face and neck warmed red. mortified that potter knows the secret kiss shared between you and your friend, currently pulling at your robes.

it was both of your first kiss, deciding to just get it all over with, so you both can know what was so special about it.

it wasn’t much.

it felt soft, and quick.

nothing at all sparkling or romantic, like others said.

“alert your parents immediately, else you might be kicked out. and i’ve grown quite fond of the two of you, you know.” potter nodded at you, looking as if he pitied you both before crossing his arms as he strutted away.

you look at remy fully now. he was standing too close and still holding unto your robes like a lifeline.

“did you really have to tell potter of all people what we did?” you scoff, crossing your arms and tapping your feet like how your mother used to do it when she was cross with something.

he seemed to shrink into himself more, “i’m sorry, he said he saw it, and pestered me into confessing.” he bit his lips to bleed. “i didn’t know you were gonna be in trouble.” he sniffled.

and you immediately cooled, reaching forward and pulling at his chin to stop his assault and softly rubbing at his bleeding lips with your robes with another click of your tongue.

“it’s fine, he already saw, nothing else we can do.”

“so, what are we going to do now?” he asked softly, he looked at you, eyes filling with worry and sadness. “what if you are? we’ll get in trouble, won’t we?”

you bring down your arm now, before breathing out deeply.

you try to think of why it wouldn’t be true, but the tone of his voice was making you worry endlessly too.

even though you know it wasn’t all true, because your sister kissed her husband plenty of times in the house and they don’t have kids.

and you were about to point that out to him. to reassure your ever warm, too soft friend, that james potter was full of it and to relax.

but remy stood straighter, his cold hands gripping yours tightly, so much that it hurts. now standing a bit taller than you. pink lips pulled into a straight line and eyes looking straight at you. soft brown eyes no longer holding any worry, instead with resolute determination.

“marry me,” he said, “i promise to look after our children and work.” he nodded at you, as if urging you to say yes. to trust him.

a look entirely different from what you remembered from way before, yet feeling all the same regardless.

the reason of proposal was ridiculous in of itself that you couldn’t help but laugh.

“i’m not pregnant you dolt, pregnancy doesn’t work that way. i assure you.” rolling your eyes in amusement. “so don’t you go proposing like some weirdo.”

he stopped for a second, as if startled as he kept looking at you. before leaving a shaky sigh, head hanging low.

“okay,” his lips in a wobbly smile, looking weird. “good.”

third time at 17 years old;

sirius had managed to sneak in a case of firewhisky in one winning after-party in the common room.

it was safe to assume that everyone was positively sloshed. if judging from the slurring exclaims from james and a red face peter barely able to stand and sirius laughing maniacally at something marlene has said to him.

and remus being the self-appointed responsible one, had taken it upon himself to maintain sobriety the entire night. to look after the three of them in the aftermath.

resolutely sitting next to you the whole night, engaging in a missed conversation about gossip and literature.

“still feeling confident you can handle these three blokes up in your room?”

he grimaced, already rubbing his temples, probably from regret and the james’ incessant off-key singing. “i don’t really have much of a choice now, do i?”

you laugh easy, “with the way james is attempting to strip, i think not. you did volunteer, taking responsibility and what not.”

he sighed rather audibly, over the soft music of the party that was already dying down. most of the attendees already settling into their respective rooms.

and you look at remus, slumped into the chair, and laugh to yourself.

still so helpless, you think. you guess you had to step up again. pick up the slack a little bit.

you try to trick yourself into thinking you were tired and miffed about it, but you find you quite like feeling needed. especially by remus.

whom of which seems to be way into being responsible now and being a proper grown up. one that follows curfew and plans his day.

he barely looks at you for help anymore.

he always has an answer to questions now.

as the boys depend on him for being the responsible one in their little foursome.

off to late night adventures and pranks. no longer the crying, awe struck, nervous kid you grew up knowing. makes you feel kind of sad.

“alright then,” you exhaled, “i’ll lend you a hand for dealing with the demons.” you stood up whilst downing your drink, a sweet concoction by dorcas.

he looks up at you, eyes looking bloodshot and tired. he softly shook his head, “you don’t have to.”

you frown, clicking your tongue and placing a hand on each of your hips. “i said i’ll do it, so i’m going to. now stand up and let’s go.”

he looked at you just a second longer and sighs looking away, a soft smile etched on lips before looking at you again. looking won over.

standing up, dusting the invisible dirt on his trousers and nodding.

he towers over you now, seemingly out of no where.

you realize this as your neck strain looking up at him. as you gather the rowdy, intoxicated boys back to the dorms.

something sirius was extremely grateful for and the others echoed.

“thanks for— for taking care of me darling,” sirius breathed hot into your face before pecking you on the cheek.

“yes, you’re very welcome,” you hummed amused, tucking his covers into his sides, making sure he couldn’t move out of bed.

sirius giggles, “it feels like being tucked in by a mum,” before looking at you serious, eyes wide and looking more sober than he actually was, as if realizing something.

“you’re the mum in the group!” he exclaimed.

“im the what?”

james overhears this and exclaims his agreements.

“oh you are! you’re the perfect mum size!” james said.

you turn to him, “and what’s that supposed to mean?” you ask hotly.

“you’re very caring and mum-like, and you scold like a mum too, sometimes you even talk like one,” peter mumbled.

you look at remus, giving you an amused look, lips stretching like close to laughing.

“this is going to be the last time i’m helping you lot, if you call me mum one more time.” you threatened lightly.

sirius hums loud like he doesn’t believe you, “it’s not all bad, not like you’re gonna be a single-mum. remus is gonna be the dad after all.” he said like he was so sure.

and james, of ourse, echoed his agreements.

“obviously,” james tutted from his bed, tucked in tight by remus.

“yesh,” peter slurred, “he looks like—remus looks like he knows how to read maps.” he breathes out, like on a verge of sleeping.

james gasps, “he does! remus is a map reading dad, nothing has made more sense than this moment right here. you are meant to hold a map in your hands remus, you’re a daddy compass.”

remus looks perturbed, eyebrows scrunched and lips into a tight frown. he shakes his head then, before closing each of their curtains, not even bothering to justify james’ quip. “night lads,”

“night dad,” sirius teased from his bed, before shuddering excessively, “never thought i’d say that again.”

you snort out a laugh before you could help it. “good night everyone.”

you look at remus, and see him gesture to come outside.

quietly walking out of their room and closing the door behind you.

“come, i’ll walk you out.” grabbing your hand softly and pulling you down the corridor to the stairs. dropping his hold just as quick as if he hadn’t meant to hold it in the first place.

“sorry about the lads, the lack of filter is unfortunately not the effect of alcohol but is just them naturally.”

you chuckle softly, rubbing your tingling palms on the side of your skirt.

as if you didn’t know that already. those three have already been a staple into your everyday life for majority of the year. they, quite frankly, grow on you like some persistent vine on a house.

“it’s fine, it was quite tame compared to the usual rubbish they spew most of the time.”

remus looks at you, barely able to hide the smirk emerging from his lips.

“don’t tell me you liked them calling you mum?” the teasing lilt in his voice impossible to miss.

you lightly push on his shoulders. “don’t be disgusting, being called their mum is weird enough. and you implying i like it just makes it even weirder.”

“well imagine being called daddy compass by one of your mates, it’s gonna be hard looking at james tomorrow morning i’ll tell you that.”

you laugh excessively loud at this, before covering your mouth sheepish as you remember the time.

you look over at him, up and down as if assessing, “but you do look like a dad who knows how to read maps. wears khakis all the time and has a moustache.”

he rolls his eyes at you, as you grin in mirth, “well does that mean you’ll do me the honours of marrying me to avoid the life of a single parent to three demon boys?”

you laugh, shaking your head, “not exactly selling your case to me, are you?”

“won’t you reconsider though?” he moans, like he’s pained but you see the glint in his eyes even in the dark dorm room stairs. “it is after all for the children.”

you know he’s joking, hardly a night of partying counts as anything like a proper proposal.

but your brain can’t help but supply the thought that he looked quite fuller now. arms looking sturdier, and harder. he is acting more responsibly, all the professors trust him.

he was almost like a proper grown up now.

and you remember the echo of the ultimate rule in your childhood.

you shake your head, and an easy smile spread on your lips. stopping at the stairs for your dorms, “over my dead body,”

and he laughs, the sound echoing in the trashed common room, “well alright, good night, beautiful.”

“good night remus.”

fourth time at 19 years old;

you knew james was serious about lily when you lot had graduated from hogwarts. but you didn’t know the extent of the seriousness until he said this after one of the order meetings.

“i’m going to ask lily to marry me.”

james had said this with such conviction, so sure and full of affection. you can’t help but feel awed.

he suddenly seemed mature. not like the doofus you’ve come to know and consider a confidant through these trying times.

but a proper adult, one who does taxes and knows how to set up an appointment for medical check ups and fights in wars.

james suddenly feeling very far away from you.

you feel remus shift, his leg pressing into yours. you look at him to see what he wanted, but saw he was just looking at james, eyes set hard.

you shook yourself out of your stupor. standing up abruptly, not meaning to leave the familiar press of remus’ leg against your thigh.

“that’s—that’s great news james, i would have never guessed you—oh you’re all grown up!” you wrap your arms around his shoulders, and him wrapping his around your middle with a giddy smile.

“thank you, mum.” he laughs, the on going joke still running strong. you squeeze him extra tight and pinching his arm for extra measure. before pulling away. “i never thought you had it in you to propose. i’d have half a mind to propose to lily on your behalf.”

he laughs, a bashful blush resting on his cheeks. “i figured, why wait, you know? tomorrow isn’t promised, and—i think spending every moment together is we all can do. i don’t want to die with regrets. i love her.”

you breathed in deep.

sirius coming forward too and slapping james in the back before giving his own congratulations and then peter and then remus too.

you were happy for them both, truly, having found one another even in these difficult times was awe-inspiring.

and then you start to wretchedly wonder if you could have that too. if only the circumstances were a bit different. would you have been given enough time to find another? enough to love? enough to marry?

you find your gaze sliding to remus, how strained his smile looked and wonder if he’s thinking the same.

he looked back at you, as he always does, and smiles gently. less strained now. like he was resigned.

you try to imagine if the circumstances were a bit different and he would find someone to love. someone to marry.

you feel your navel, coil in a bundle of nerves. a tension in your neck making you almost irate.

he gestured for you to follow him out.

like being compelled and weak, you follow without a question.

the night air was chilly, and feeling some sort of static on your skin, like building an unnerving suspense.

remus just sat and gestured for you to sit beside him.

the seat was cold, and you sat rigid like ice.

it’s been a while since you’ve last sat with remus like this. the order keeping all your hours occupied, mission after mission. surviving by the skin of your teeth.

all the world has gone fucked now, it didn’t feel quite real some time—like some sort of veil has just been pulled over your head making you see things clearer for the horrors awaiting your fates.

and in your mind loud with noise and worry, you almost didn’t hear him.

“why don’t we do it?”

“what?” you turn to him, hoping his face show an inkling, a clue as to what he had said.

he looked at you then, eyes still so warm even with the atrocities he’s faced and eyes still so bright in the night. a twinkling light reflecting in his eyes making him look younger. prettier.

“why don’t we get married?”

you lean back slightly in shock, “what?” you repeated, because you didn’t understand. this came so suddenly, words weirdly familiar but the intent wildly different than from all the others you’ve heard before.

you looked at his eyes. searching, still, for a clue or something that might make sense because what?

he laughs, the warm, soft sounding one you can barely hear. but it was just the two of you outside and it was quiet and you were sitting so close, so you hear it—loud and clear. the sound making you feel warm. “is that so crazy?”

he looked like a boy, happy and hopeful. his leg was pressing into your thighs again. the pressure grounding you.

his hands fidgeting deep within his pockets.

“i think we work well enough.” he added, with a small smile.

you feel something in your heart stutter, “work well enough,” you repeated. “glad to know i reach your standards for a bride, sir lupin.” you almost scoff. masking the bitter simmer of disappointment of his reason. and the coiling nerves still tightly wound in your navel, feeling heavy, making it harder to breathe.

he shrugs, “well you know, a lot of applicants have been killing themselves to be chosen. i reckon you ought to feel honoured.” he grinned over to you, still joking.

you rolled your eyes, “of course,”

“yeah?” he perked up, suddenly sitting straighter, his knees bumping into yours in his haste to look at you properly. “you want to?” he seemed shocked, overtly so, that it makes you laugh. a heat blooming on your face at his apparent willingness to marry you before shaking your head to avoid any confusion.

“no to the proposal but yes, that it is indeed an honour.”

he deflates, “ah,” he said softly, before laughing like he was embarrassed. “i just—i kept thinking what james said, about tomorrow not being promised—and, i, well i thought—“ he clears his throat before continuing. “i thought i might see what the fuss was about,”

you nodded, “‘m afraid marriage isn’t so simple. you have to love one another for a start.” you added somewhat bitterly, looking away.

“so you keep reminding me,” he says, laughing awkwardly.

fifth time at 38 years old;

you feel as if your life was reaching a crescendo.

the night glooming, brooding like the sky knows to colour it of fear and nerves.

it was going to come down to tonight, so it seems. whether we win or we lose. the end or the beginning. all those families we’ve lost and the families we’ve created. all our hopes and dreams sacrificed into this one night.

“you feeling alright?” remus asked to your left.

the glooming sky somehow illuminating his face all the same.

“as alright as anyone can be when facing a dark wizard.” you smirked, shrugging.

he laughs, still sounding so warm and soft.

you feel his fingers brush yours. you had half a mind to remind him to get ready and hold his wand tight.

you notice how keeps forgetting to do that. opting to hold unto you, just like he did before when he was a child from another time.

he only offers a closed lipped smile, looking at you the same way he has always looked at you. his stare the most familiar thing, it might as well be a part of you.

“i love you.” he breathed. and your heart hammered, your world tilting on its axis. shifting the very fabric of your universe.

and he looked relieved like he couldn’t wait to hold unto it any longer. and then he repeated it. more sure. louder. affectionate. looking straight into you. his brilliant, soft, warm eyes so full.

you wonder when did his gaze start to look at you like that?

and then you see;

his eyes looking as it did when he was five, shining with obvious awe.

his eyes when he was eleven, with resolute determination.

eyes when he was seventeen, glinting with mirth in the dark crevices of the dorms.

the look he gave you when he was nineteen, looking so boyishly happy and hopeful.

and now as he’s thirty-eight, looking at you with so much love, and longing, and pain, and joy.

“when this is all over,” he breathe, “will you marry me?”

so much time has passed by now that you had once thought it was too late for you. too late with him. something you always thought but could never have.

he was now undeniably a man. arms littered with scars and unwavering confidence as he looks at you. but his eyes still glimmer and twinkle all the same.

the undeniable rampage in your chest, your eyes searching for an answer or a clue for what he’s thinking.

“i love you,” he repeats, and gazing at you with that familiar eyes of his.

and you laugh because you found your answer. so you’ll give him his.

“yes.”

extra;

the battle was brutal, bodies piled on top of one another. those too young to know what they even fought for. those for their own ideals. and those caught in cross fires.

but it was over. and the good guys won.

but with so many lost, people thought, how could i possibly cheer?

but there was this type of solace when you’re gone. there was no more pain. all those gone can only do one thing, to let go. at least that’s what harry thinks.

staring down at the family he could’ve had.

your limp cold hand holding remus’ equally cold ones.

he wonders if someone intertwined your hands, or if you simply died holding on to each other. never to let go.

he realized it didn’t really matter. you were both gone. forever, but together.

he thinks of the comforting hugs you’ve given him in the short time you’ve spent with him, and the many stories remus told. and in this fierce pain he wonders if you ever saw the shiny, glinting ring in remus’ dresser hidden away ever since he was eighteen.

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starchaserdreams · 5 months

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My fics on AO3

Alright, so I deleted my AO3 account a few months ago (thinking I was done with this) and orphaned all of my works. Well, now I deeply regret that. But I have collected as many of them as I could find here for anyone who's interested.

Jegulus/Starchaser

Temptation Eyes (Now Complete!) - My Jegulus Regency AU. Completed, being posted one chapter twice a week. James enters the London season hoping to find a wife. What he finds instead is Regulus Black, and he never looks back. But as implied by the era, it won't be easy for them. Background wolfstar, shown as a different approach to a queer relationship in the regency era.

Get Regulus Out - 82k, Rated M, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Working Through Trauma, No War/Riddle AU, background Wolfstar, background Marylily. James tries to convince Regulus to leave Grimmauld Place as Sirius once did, and save himself from his parents.

How to Spot Signs of Jealousy - 4k, fake/pretend relationship, mutual pining, miscommunication. After Regulus gets fed up with people asking him out because of his family name, he and Barty agree to fake date. For some reason, James Potter seems livid...and Regulus can only guess that it's because he's homophobic. That's got to be it, right?

But Where's Regulus - 1k. James on laughing gas after getting his wisdom teeth taken out and talking about how much he likes Regulus

Waking Up Slowly - 2k. James wakes up in bed with Regulus in the Gryffindor dorm, something Sirius might not take kindly to.

I've Read Your Book - 1k. Two one shots based on the same premise: Writer!James didn't even know Regulus knew about his book, let alone had read it, but Regulus comes up to him and says "I've read your book" aka the most exciting words of all time to start a conversation for a writer.

Little Ball of Fire - 1k. Regulus gets into an argument with Snape. Regulus begins threatening him, so James picks Regulus up and carries/drags him out of the room before anyone gets hurt.

Prongsfoot/Bambibelle

What's in a Name - 5k, Soulmates AU, secret crush. In a world where soulmates exist and can identify each other by the feeling they get when they say each other's names, it's pretty easy to identify who your soulmate is. But for Sirius and James who only call each other by their nicknames, it takes a while to finally know.

The Bachelorette - 15k, mutual pining, Bachelorette AU. Sirius and James are both cast as contestants on the Bachelorette. Although their stated goal was to woo Lily and capture her heart, they don’t quite manage it. They fall for each other instead.

A Real Marriage Under Wizarding Law - 6k, mutual pining, fake/pretend relationship, drunken shenanigans. Sirius and James get a quickie drunken marriage in Knockturn Alley. When they wake up in the morning, they decide not to get it annulled so that they can save Sirius from an arranged marriage.

The Only Transfer Students to Ever Come to Hogwarts - 9k, arranged marriage, hijinx, angst with a happy ending. Sirius is upset to learn that not only does he have to transfer to a new school, but his parents have set up an arranged marriage for him. James assures him that's impossible, but Sirius knows his parents don't make empty threats. (Written for Prongsfoot Bingo)

The Smell of Water - 4k, Amortentia, idiots in love. Sirius and James argue about what they're smelling without realizing that there's Amortentia in the room. When Sirius realizes, he becomes a whole mess about it. (Written for Prongsfoot Bingo)

Wolfstar

Wolfstar Microfics Theme: Love - 8k, a collection of 22 microfics themed around love

6x James Found Out, and 1x Harry Did - 10k. Six ways James could have learned about Sirius and Remus' secret relationship, and one way Harry could have learned about it. *This is specifically ATYD fanfiction, and it's set in that universe.

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musicalbl00m · 3 months

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Imagine #2: Confessing your love to them.

wordcount: 590

Love confession to your friend while he gets ready for a date

not beta-read

“You sure I look alright, sweetheart?” he asks, running his fingers through his hair again. “It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date.” He mumbles.

Instead of replying, you are contemplating your whole existence. You’ve been in love with him for as long as you’ve known him, and for a while you thought the feeling was mutual. But alas, you didn’t have the balls to confess, and he hasn’t done so either. So, here you are, giving the boy you loved with your whole heart advice for his date with another girl.

Being so lost in thought, you didn’t notice his confusion at your silence. He knew you’ve been having a little rough time lately, but you haven’t been yourself for a few days. For a second he contemplates if its because of his date, but he quickly dismisses that thought.

“You know, if you’re not feeling well you don’t have to stay here. Its late and I know that you usually like to go to bed early. I don’t want to keep you up. I’m a big boy, I can handle myself.” He says earnestly.

You sigh softly, before looking up at him. He spots the pained look in your eyes and walks over to where you are sitting on his bed. Carefully, he cups your cheeks and looks at you with a gentle gaze.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, sweetheart? You’ve been awfully quiet.” He asks softly, his thumb caressing your skin.

“I just…” you say hesitantly, looking into his mesmerizing eyes. “Are you sure you want to go on that date? She just… doesn’t seem like your type.”

“I don’t know, I just thought it was time for me to get out there you know. Is the date really what’s bothering you? Do you know her from something? Did she hurt you?” He asks, worried at the thought of someone hurting you.

“No not at all! She seems lovely.” You say hurriedly. “I guess I just always hoped… that I had a chance or something. I know its silly but…” You don’t finish your sentence immediately, trying to see his reaction, only to see him patiently waiting for you to finish. “I always hoped that at the end of the day it would be me you came home to, you know. That I’d be the one you kissed. And for a while I had hope that you felt the same, but I just got too insecure I guess.” You confess, closing your eyes as if to shield yourself from the possible rejection.

He lets out a soft chuckle, before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “You know, you have nothing to be insecure about sweetheart.” He says softly. “You are so incredibly kind, and creative. You are smart and helpful. You are beautiful and so incredibly fashionable.” He tells you with a cheeky grin as he tugs on the hello kitty sweatpants you are wearing. “You are everything a guy could want and much more. And I’ll be yours in a heartbeat, sweetheart. I just need you to say the words.” He confesses to you, looking into your eyes with a soft gaze.

“I am so incredibly in love with you. I have been forever and ever. Please let me be yours.” You tell him, almost begging.

“Took you long enough.” He teases, before connecting your lips in a soft kiss.

“I am so utterly in love with you too, sweetheart.” He mumbles, before continuing to press soft kisses to your lips.

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wordsofwilderness · 1 month

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Hear me out but, handholding AND knotting at the same time 🥰

#And to noones surprise #today's brainrot was brought to you by:#jegulus #I have this idea for an jeggy a/b/o fic with all the sickfic vibes #and so so much mutual pining #untitled jeggy a/b/o with a sickfic vibe #james potter #regulus black #marauders #a/b/o #omegaverse

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charmsandtealeaves · 10 months

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Evans Guide To Quidditch (and seducing James Potter)

Read it on AO3 | 8K One-Shot

Summary: It had all started out innocently enough, a small wager between housemates on the outcome of the Arrows Vs Catapults game over the weekend. Lily hadn't intended to let slip she knew more about quidditch than she was letting on. Or to set up a fantasy quidditch league with James, but well... what's the harm?

Tags: jily, hogwarts, 7th year , clueless idiots, mutual pining

Excerpt:

It was almost cruel taking money from Black at this point. Yet there was something about watching his mouth pop open in incredulous surprise every time that just tickled her. At this rate she’d be able to buy herself an entire term's worth of potions ingredients out of him. Now there was an idea! She’d had her eye on a new cauldron upgrade now that they were doing N.E.W.T level potions. She had every intention of offering Sirius odds on the upcoming Cannons match, especially when she overheard him grumbling at breakfast on Monday morning at the other end of the Gryffindor dining table. “I reckon she’s got someone feeding her information from somewhere. There’s no fucking way Lily Evans knows that much about quidditch. Three galleons. Three fucking galleons she’s won off me.” Sirius complained, stabbing angrily at his eggs, and then pointing his fork at James. “Ah yes because there’s no way her quidditch knowledge could be superior to your own aye Padfoot?” Potter chuckled. He didn’t seem the least bit miffed and she’d managed to lure him out of the similar amount of money. “Not three fucking galleons worth superior. Once it’s a fluke, twice I’ll consider, three times she’s cheating!” Sirius grumbled indignantly. “Or she’s just that good Pads.” Potter shrugged.

Tagging as they asked to be tagged when I posted ageeeeeeees ago when I was sharing concept/snippets: @theresthesnitch, @petalstofish-deactivated2023062 @uncertainwallflower

#charms library #fic: evans guide to quidditch (and seducing james potter)#evans guide to quidditch #jily #jple #jily fic #james potter #lily evans #mutual pining

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lizard-on-a-window-pane · 1 year

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In more ways than I’ve ever been able to tell you

summary: You and Sirius are best friends and flatmates. You’re also in love with each other. Too bad neither of you has admitted that to the other. When you decide to move out because you can’t take the unrequited love anymore, feelings come up and come out.

tags: friends to lovers, mutual pining, fluff, angst, reader gender not specified, implied marauder!reader

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader word count: 2.6k

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Sirius said as you avoided his gaze while you tidied up your shared kitchen just after dinner. You’d been off all evening, for a few days in fact, and it was driving him mad. You told each other everything. You had since you were eleven and had become best friends during your first year at Hogwarts and still did so now that you were flatmates in your post-school days.

“It’s nothing really. Not a big deal.” “Nothing? or nothing big? C’mon, just tell me what’s giving you wrinkles.”

“I do not have wrinkles!” “Well you don’t now, but you will soon with how scrunched up your pretty face has been all night,” he laughed as he reached over to you and smoothed the skin in between your furrowed brow with the pads of his fingers.

You glared at him, but the coldness was lost in how quickly you melted into his touch. In one smooth motion, he moved his fingers across your eyebrow, running a strand of hair behind your ear, then letting his hand rest easily where your shoulder and neck met. His thumb lightly caressed your jawline.

“So? You gonna tell me what it is or…” “Like I said, Pads, it won’t be a big deal for you… It’s just… Well… The thing is, Siri… I’m kind of… moving out.”

He froze instantly, hand going stiff mid-caress. After a beat of silence, he let out a single disbelieving scoff.

“Ok, well, at least now I know this is some kind of ridiculous joke.” “What?” you asked, voice softer than it had been mere moments ago when you had finally confessed what you hadn’t had the heart to tell him all week since you’d made your decision. It’d been spurred by a conversation with Remus. You had been crying softly on his shoulder after a session of his comforting you about your unrequited feelings toward one infuriatingly charming, unfailingly kind, grey-eyed flatmate / best friend. Nothing new there. Remus had been your rock since your early school days when you gradually realized you loved Sirius a bit differently than you loved Remus or James. Remus, being the annoyingly observant, empathetic boy he was realized it too. Though you were initially mortified when one evening in the library he looked up at you from his book and casually asked, “Are you in love with Padfoot?,” you soon came to be eternally grateful to have such a wonderful friend to confide in. You knew that you would have never told him, or James, about your feelings had he not guessed them himself — not because you were afraid to admit them as much as because you didn’t want to put them in a difficult position given he was one of their best mates as well.

Last week, when you’d decided to move out of yours and Sirius’s flat, Remus had kindly but firmly told you things would never get any easier if you never gave yourself space to be you without being you and Sirius. You knew it was true, had known it for years, but being without Sirius always seemed like an unthinkable proposition. It would have been almost funny had it not been so disturbing.

Sure, it hurt like hell every time you saw him with someone else, or every time either of you said “I love you” and your heart broke a little bit at how differently two people could mean the same three words. But even still, that came with all the good things about being Sirius Black’s best friend. It came with the nights of so much laughter you both ended up crying and clutching your sides, creating inside jokes that would become staples of your interactions for years to come. It came with the nights of holding each other after Sirius had had a nightmare about his childhood and come tiptoeing into your room, reduced to the boy you had first fallen in love with. It came with the nights of you holding on to him for dear life, a life you felt more intensely than ever in those moments, as he sped through the skies on the flying motorbike you had helped him perfect the charms for during countless days and nights. But, at some point, the moments of hurt had started catching up to the moments of joy, and recently, there were even times when they surpassed them.

Now, here you stood in your little kitchen, waiting for him to explain how the hell the hardest decision of your life so far was a ridiculous joke.

“Well, you can’t be serious.” You waited for him to make his overplayed, yet somehow still charming quip about how you couldn’t be Sirius because he was Sirius, but it didn’t come. Instead, he went on, mouth in a smile but eyes mirthless, “You can’t be serious because saying that my best friend in the entire world leaving would be ‘no big deal to me’ is probably the most outrageous thing I’ve ever heard… and I spent seven years rooming with Prongs, so I’ve heard plenty.”

“I didn’t mean… I just thought that… I’ll still come over…”

“Oh? You’ll visit every now and again? Alright, then, how silly of me! You were right! I probably won’t even notice you’re gone!” he sarcastically interrupted your rambling, arms flailing about.

“Sirius…”

Your voice broke on the single word, and you had to swallow quickly to keep the lump down in your throat. You felt the first tear make its way down your burning cheek.

The frantic look that had come into his eyes dissipated at the sight of you. His next breath was slow, the exhale particularly loud.

“Darling, I’m sorry… I… I didn’t mean to be such a prick, I’m just confused.” He stepped closer to you again, hands coming up to your shoulders, eyes searching yours. “Why do you want to go? Did I do something? If it’s something I did, I can change it, really, I can, I know I can be a pain to live with sometimes, but I’ll put in more effort.” Silly suggestions about cleanliness and noise levels and cooking started racing out of his mouth as he looked at you pleadingly. You were desperate to comfort him. To tell him the truth.

“No,” you’d say, “No, Sirius, you didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re not a pain to live with. I’m just absolutely madly in love with you, and I have no chance of getting over it if I stay so close. So close to you, so close to everything I want with you, the life we have together but just that little bit more…” Instead, you opted for a pathetic, “No, Pads, it’s not your fault. It’s me,” and you cringed immediately at hearing the words come out in a voice you were struggling to recognize as your own.

“What about you?” he asked, his voice impossible not to recognize as so completely and entirely his — musical almost, even in its sadness, strained yet still gentle.

The question had his mind reeling, everything about you he loved, everything about you that annoyed him but that he wouldn’t trade for the world if it meant having you close. He had finally come to accept your place in his life — a slow process especially in his younger days. His family life had made him wary of dependency, wary of love… but you had taught him how to love — how to give it, how to accept it. James and Remus, too, certainly had played their part in giving him what he previously never thought he’d have: a family. But you, you were his air. He’d be lying if he said he never wondered what it would be like to be romantic with you. But in his school days, he was much too afraid he’d royally fuck things up and quickly proceeded to push those feelings so far down that he could (usually) pretend they weren’t there. You were too good for him anyway, he thought, you deserved someone better. And yet, even the thought of you with someone else had gotten more and more unbearable with each passing year. And the thoughts of you with him in ways you hadn’t been before… well, it was a good thing you weren’t a Legilimens…. especially late at night when you’d lay your legs across his lap as you read on the sofa, his hands coming down to slowly stroke up and down your thighs… or when he felt those same thighs tight on either side of him as you held on behind him on his motorbike, the wind rushing past you, your screams and laughter in his ears even more invigorating than the sharp drop below.

The idea that he could be losing you now terrified him in a way he never had been before in his life.

“I need a change,” you whispered.

“Then we’ll both move,” he said immediately, “Where do you want to go? I’ll go anywhere with you. You want a house? How about a cottage on a beach somewhere? That’s a change from a city flat, right? Or, we could get a dog? That’ll definitely be different. I won’t lie; I’ll probably have to work on not being jealous of not being the only pup in the house, but I can make it work, love, if that’s what you want.” You had started laughing in spite of yourself, in spite of the tension of the situation. Sirius had a way of doing that, of making even the worst moments better, of making moments you dreaded moments you wouldn’t trade for anything after he put his mark on them.

“Siri, I don’t want a dog,” you giggled. “…another dog,” you amended cheekily, and he smiled his first real smile in response. “A beachside cottage does sounds lovely, but I think the isolation would be quite the opposite of what I need unfortunately.”

“Then what do you need, darling?” he implored, expression solemn again.

You didn’t know how to tell him. You didn’t know what to tell him. You couldn’t tell him the truth, but you couldn’t think of a lie that would account for the fact that what needed changing involved him so intimately.

Because you were coming up absolutely blank, your mouth resorted to clichés again without bothering to ask your brain’s permission. “I need space,” you said. “Space?” Sirius looked thoughtful, like he was exhausting himself with the effort of finding a solution for you. “Space from what?” After you didn’t say anything for a long, horrible moment, he continued, his tone begging you to correct him, “Space from me?”

“No, not from you.” You paused. “From us, I suppose.” “Us?”

“Yeah…” “Somehow I think that’s worse, love. At least if it was just that I was a twat, I could work on it, but here you are telling me it’s the best thing in my life that’s the problem in yours.” He attempted a little laugh at the end to lighten the sentiment but failed miserably, the utter dejection apparent in his face, his voice, his demeanor.

You were gutted. You couldn’t handle hurting him like this. Being the cause of that look on his face was one of the worst feelings you’d ever experienced and perhaps the only thing that could have pushed you to finally be as brave as you should have been from the beginning. If your feelings for him made him angry or made things weird, at least you could get through it. You trusted him enough to know that. The fear of rejection was nothing compared to the fear of letting him go on believing your relationship was a problem, wasn’t the best part of your life as well.

You flung your arms around his neck, buried your face in the crook of his neck, clinging to him with a viselike grip and breathing him in as you gathered the courage to plunge past the point of no return. He returned your embrace, confused but comforted, and equally as desperate as you.

“I love you,” you said, trying to explain. “I love you, too,” he replied, unsure what something so thoroughly obvious, so utterly true had to do with what was going on, what was threatening to upend him.

“In more ways than I’ve ever been able to tell you… deeper ways than I’ve ever been able to admit to you…” you went on, pulling back from your hug only enough to look him in the eyes as you said this. “And it hurts so much sometimes, Siri, I don’t think I can take it forever — being in love with you, I mean. At this point, I’m pretty sure I will be, because Godric knows I’ve tried long and hard not to, but I’ll have no chance of moving on if I stay completely immersed in you.”

“Don’t.” He said it firm, certain.

“Don’t what?” “Don’t move on. Don’t move out. Stay here, with me, because as much as you could possibly love me, trust me, y/n, I’ll match you every bit of it. And forever sounds pretty good to me then, don’t you think?”

The brightness in his eyes was blinding and yours had started crying again without your noticing when exactly, but it didn’t matter as you nodded your head madly.

He laughed, holding you tighter, pressing his forehead to yours. “Yeah?” he took a tiny break in his enormous smile to ask.

“Yeah,” you responded, “yeah, yes, definitely.”

“Alright, good then,” he said, giddy. “So you’re staying. Glad that’s settled. Really had me worried there for a moment. Not very nice of you, really, messing with my emotions like that. I think maybe we should get a dog. I’m sure it’d be nicer to me than you — a proper best friend, not all of this ‘I’m leaving’ business.”

You were laughing, hard, but still managed to let out, “Pads, please, for the love of Godric, shut up now.”

“You see? This is the kind of treatment I’m talking about. You’re cruel, y/n, very cruel.” “Oh, I’m cruel?” “Wicked. Utterly wicked.” “Hm. I guess I should make it up to you then, shouldn’t I?” “Yes, I think you most certainly should.”

You giggled. You brought your hand to his nape, your fingers running through his hair. You were already incredibly close, your lips just the smallest decision away from each other. You bumped his nose with yours, and though the playful mood remained, the intensity of the atmosphere increased dramatically, the sliver of air between you heavy with anticipation.

Then Sirius did something you didn’t quite expect in that moment. He smiled. Simple, yes, but it said everything: how much he loved you, how much you trusted each other, that even though you were about to do something you’d never done before, it was still him and you, and that was everything.

You smiled back for just a fraction of a moment because then your lips were too busy kissing him to smile. You could hear him laughing, feel his chest rising and falling where it was flush with yours, as he kissed you back ardently. You shouldn’t have expected anything else from Sirius. You were already best friends; you knew how to laugh together, now you were just adding a bit more to it… and that bit was beyond imagination. His laugh finally died down as his tongue made its way between your parted lips, and in its wake, a groan rose from his chest to where your mouths were connected.

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uncertainwallflower · 1 year

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THE VIRTUE OF SHARING A @jilymicrofics. Prompt: comfort. Words: 878.

James had always fancied the armchairs beside the fire in the Gryffindor common room as the superior chair of choice. Cushy and red and comfortable and perfectly worn from years and years of use. They provided personal space, where the loveseat required sharing, a virtue his mother highly regarded. But one day, in the first term of seventh-year, while working on a gruelling essay due at the end of the week, something occurred that permanently and entirely changed his perspective.

The armchairs had been taken, snagged by two fifth-years. James could’ve made a fuss, pulled rank, or bodily removed one of them, but he was drained from a long Quidditch practice, and honestly, there was nothing wrong with the loveseat. Especially when sitting on it was a Lily Evans, deep in her Transfiguration textbook, forehead ever so wrinkled with concentration. Lily Evans, red-headed, sharp-tongued, strictly friends. James plonked down beside her, and she looked up with a quick and cutting smile.

“Hey, you.” She was already returning to her textbook.

“Hullo,” James replied. He watched her for a moment before shuffling through his handful of parchment to find the desired sheet.

“How was practice?” Her voice was slightly muffled by the pages.

“Eh—cold, long.”

Rain battered heavy on the windows dotted about the common room.

“Bloody ruthless Captain.” Lily shook her head. Though her tone was dead-serious, James could see a small smile that she tried to hide behind her textbook.

James grinned. “Right twit he is.”

“Oh, absolutely. Massive twit.”

“Mhm.”

Lily looked at him now, eyes sparkling. Her finger twitched, and she glanced down at the essay draft in his hands, then back to his face. She sat forward, posing her next words carefully, “Could you help me with something? I’ll make it worth your while.”

James—thank Merlin—managed to stop himself from choking. “Oh, will you now?”

Lily nodded. “Absolutely.”

“How can I be of service?”

The facade fell, and she flopped back into the loveseat, sighing dejectedly. “I simply cannot understand a single word in this blasted textbook. It makes zero sense. Can you explain it to me?” She held the open textbook out to him, its pages flapping helplessly in the space between them.

James took the book from her and skimmed through a paragraph. He looked up. “And what will I get in return?”

She was already snatching the essay off his lap, “I’ll edit this for you. Merlin knows it’s probably unintelligible, and we want you to graduate, don’t we?”

James barked a laugh, piercing her with incredulous eyes. “You, Evans, are a swot, and a mean one at that.”

“You love that about me.”

James swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. “Not if you keep this act up.”

It was her turn to laugh. “I’m sorry. I truly do need your help. You’re so much better at Transfiguration than me.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.”

“It’s bound to get me somewhere.”

They were grinning at each other.

After a moment, James sighed dramatically. “Oh, alright, Evans. I’ll help.”

“I knew you would.” She was still grinning, scooting down the loveseat to sit directly beside him, her skirt-clad thigh pressing against his trousered.

Another lump in his throat to swallow. “Right, well. What exactly is it that you don’t understand?”

Lily set about pointing out phrases and words, brandishing a page of notes filled with anxious scribblings.

James wasn’t sure exactly why it happened. One moment they were sitting—admittedly very close together—going over a chapter on a complex branch of Human Transfiguration. The next moment Lily’s head was resting lightly on his shoulder. It was a small change. Nothing to blink at. But by Merlin, James was blinking. That pesky lump was back, and James couldn’t help but think that this didn’t feel like strictly friends behaviour. His breath caught, his body froze. James was quite sure Lily could hear the blood pumping through his veins, the cogs whirring in his brain.

And then, slowly, he manoeuvred his arm around her. His heart had definitely stopped. His lungs too. He was quite sure he was dead. Then Lily sighed, a small sound, barely distinguishable, but all the same. She sighed, and she folded her stockinged feet up and under herself. James was definitely dead. Dead and gone to some better place where a version of Lily Evans snuggled into his side.

Mind exploding, throat thickening, lump refusing to be swallowed.

“James?”

She had said something. She had definitely said something. She pulled away slightly, and James loosened his arm, prepared to have his whole world ripped away from him. She remained, dropping a tentative hand on his chest and tilting her face up to peer up at his.

“Crinus Muto?”

“Oh—yeah, right…”

The armchairs had been abandoned. He looked over at them out of habit, but between the forgotten draft essay, the open textbook in his lap and the red-headed, sharp-tongued, strictly friends, Lily Evans, whose head was resting on his chest, breath tickling his neck, fingers absently playing with a loose thread of his jumper, he found he could not care less about the cushy, red, comfortable, perfectly worn chairs of choice. He much preferred the loveseat. And, after all, sharing was a virtue.

AO3

#jily #microfic #prompted writing #mutual pining #uncertainwallflower #jily fanfiction #jilymicrofics #james potter #lily evans #hp #harry potter #hogwarts #seventh year #uncertainwallflower microfic #marauders era #marauder era fanfic #marauders #jily microfic

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nikolai-alexi · 11 months

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Some Homophobic/Transphobic Arsehole: *harassing Regulus after he’s outted* what are you? a boy or a girl?

Regulus: *unphased and petty* do you wanna do a questionnaire so you can find out or kiss and figure out how you feel afterwards?

#he’d turn around and wink at James directly after this #James is just like suffering in pansexual and regulus knows it and loves to bully him about being in a constant state of queer panic #this is also another time I implore your to imagine him in really obnoxious sunglasses and hair in a bun #I get strong heart-shaped glasses on this one #he probably stole them from Pandora who stole them from Dorcas who stole them from Marlene who stole them from Mary #also barty absolutely did this when they were younger to be an arse but he legitimately chose the kiss option #said kiss sent him into a spiralling sexuality crisis for several years #said crisis led to Rosekiller getting their shit together finally #regulus takes all the credit for them actually getting together instead of mutual pining #as he should #regulus black #james potter #evan rosier #barty crouch jr #jegulus #dorcas meadowes #marauders era #sirius black #barty crouch junior #marlene mckinnon #james & peter & remus & sirius #slytherin skittles #marauders #trans regulus #James hears this convo trips over his own shoelaces and falls right in love lmfao

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moonagedaydream345 · 1 year

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“Reg? What is this?” James looked confused, scared. Regulus wanted to kiss that look off of his face, to make everything better.

“I- Um- Happy birthday James.”

James blushed, a deep crimson colour, “Oh, thank you Regulus.”

He started to walk away, “James, wait!”

Turning around, James locked eyes with Regulus, “What do you want Reg, why did you ask me here?” He whispered, pain clear in his eyes.

“I got you something, it's only small, but I thought you’d appreciate this.”

Regulus placed the box into James’ hand. Opening it slowly, James’ eyes filled with tears.

“Is this- did you- I-

“It’s from the game, your last one. I thought you’d like a keepsake. Best captain to walk these hallowed halls deserves the winning snitch, right?” He chuckled softly, enthralled by James. The boy standing in front of him had gone silent. He was rolling the snitch in his hands, much in the same way Regulus had just days before. Tears were falling freely down his face, he looked up.

“Why?”

“Because you deserve it Jamie,” he said, the old nickname slipping out, “also, to say goodbye. You’re leaving soon, and I won’t bother you anymore. It's a birthday present, granted, but it’s also an apology. A shitty one, but one nonetheless. An apology for everything, for the deception and the lies and the secrecy. For falling for you so hard that I could barely breathe. You became my entire life, and I threw it away. For that I am truly sorry.”

Here it was, the moment everything would go to shit. James would yell, cry, get his anger out. Regulus would be alone, unlove-

“I don’t want this to be goodbye.”

#james potter x regulus black #james potter #regulus black #jegulus #happy birthday james #dead gay wizards #marauders #fic: regrets and reconciliations #fluff #ao3 fanfic #i love them too much #mutual pining #angst #harry potter #drabble #happy birthday deer

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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years

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𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞?

james potter x reader

summary: when lily berates james for bullying snape by the black lake, you call her out on her hypocrisy, forcing james to confront how he feels about both of you.

w/c: 5.3k

notes: friends to lovers, mutual pining and mutual idiocy, angst with a happy ending bc im such a sap for it, canon-level "violence," lily's kinda villainized here but lowkey i think there's some truth to it, uhhh swearing. overly detailed retelling of the actual OotP scene bc i pulled out my book for this

(also i realized after i finished writing that this has "you belong with me" energy)

you’d just finished one of your o.w.l.s, and to celebrate, you, sirius, and peter were deep into an intense shit-talking session that remus pretended not to be listening in from where he sat hunched over a book. james was fluffing his hair in case he ran into lily.

“it’s a bit creepy, really,” peter whispered, throwing a genuinely concerned look at james over his shoulder.

“the fact that he’s been practically brainwashed or the fact that he’s literally stalking her every move?” sirius shook his head in disbelief.

“the first one,” you jeered. “both. i don’t know, and i don’t care. all i know is that lily’s incorrigible and that james is out of his mind. even if she liked him back, which she doesn’t, james shouldn’t be with someone like her anyway.”

sirius raised his eyebrows at you, but peter was the one to voice what the two boys were thinking. “how much of this is you caring about prongs’ wellbeing and how much of this is you hating lily evans because you’re clearly in love with him?”

you scoffed, leaning in so you could hiss loudly at peter without being overheard. “first of all, i am not in love with james. he’s an important friend of mine; am i not allowed to care about him? secondly, i don’t hate lily evans. i just think everyone gives her too much credit. nobody holds her accountable for anything because she’s so perfect and pretty and polite and it makes me so frustrated-”

james wrapped his arms around your neck and placed his chin on the crown of your head. “what are we gossiping about over here, ladies?”

you shrugged him off your shoulders, flustered at how close he’d been to hearing your conversation. sirius gave you The Look™ and you rolled your eyes.

“what’s got you all worked up, huh?” james crouched by your chair, respecting your desire not to be touched but still wanting to be close to you. “is it snivellus again? merlin, that wanker has something against you, i swear.” james paused thoughtfully. “well, s’ppose it’s cos you hang out with us. he hates all of us.”

“nah, i think he’s got a separate qualm about me,” you muttered bitterly, knowing full well that he’d still harbored a distaste for you ever since you and lily had butted heads in third year. this was the second year he’d maintained the grudge.

“he doesn’t matter anyways,” peter reassured you, patting your knee gently. you looked up at him and smiled. peter was a sweet boy. you’d always appreciated his willingness to listen to you.

“right lads, i think it’s time to head out then.” james pushed himself upright with his hands on his thighs, brushing invisible dust off his jumper. he looked at you, voice softening. “y’coming?”

you bit back a smile, taking his extended hand and trying to ignore the butterflies that felt more like pangs and less like flutters these days. as much as you’d tried, you couldn’t push away those pesky feelings for your best friend. it was worse knowing that he was hopelessly in love with another girl.

sirius pulled remus from his cushy armchair, and the two of them murmured quietly to each other before sirius pointed at you and james’ intertwined hands and remus waggled his eyebrows suggestively. you caught them staring and flipped them off.

“woah, what was that for?” james chuckled, pulling you closer to his chest as you stepped out the portrait frame. you shivered at the momentary press of your body against his.

“pads and moony. they’re being stupid,” you explained vaguely. how were you supposed to tell james that they were mocking you for your unrequited affections?

it was sunny and cloudless out, with a ticklish breeze that would pass through every once in a while and send goosebumps up your arms. when you passed the courtyard on your way out the castle, you couldn’t help but tear yourself out of james’ arms and grab a handful of leaves to attack him with. he didn’t bother gathering a leaf pile of his own; rather, tackled you into the grass and ran his fingers up and down your torso until you conceded in painful bouts of laughter.

sirius and james had run ahead, with peter just a couple steps behind, as the five of you approached the black lake. you and remus were walking leisurely, enjoying the silence that was rare when being amongst the mauaruders.

“so, you and james?” remus broke the silence with an oddly formal question.

you choked. “me and- you and sirius?” you fired back, desperately trying to avoid talking about how you’d perpetually be friend zoned by james potter and then have to watch as he swept away the love of his life and your semi-nemesis, lily evans.

“touché.”

leaves crunched under your feet as you and remus caught up to your three friends, who were entertaining themselves with leaves and sitting in the roots of a sturdy beech tree. to anyone else, it might’ve looked childish, but you found it endearing.

james had found a seat between two large roots and was sitting comfortably with his back against the trunk. you slid down beside him until your knees bumped. it was mindless moments of intimacy like this one, where you’d touch each other like it meant nothing, that made you get your hopes up. you cursed yourself for caving into james’ magnetic presence.

“so, how d’you reckon your exam went?” james sighed, letting himself slump against the tree carelessly.

“oh godric, why would you bring that up?” you groaned, taking the opportunity to place your cheek on the top of james’ mop of curls, as he was so slouched that his head was below your chin.

james chuckled. “i jus’ know you’re smart, figured it would’ve gone easier for you than me.”

you poked his arm teasingly. “you’re ridiculous. james potter, admitting that somebody was better than him?”

“oi, i never said you were better than me, you’re just smart, that’s all.” he pushed himself up to shove his face closer to yours confrontationally.

“did you like question ten, moony?” sirius snickered as he juggled an apple that he’d managed to sneak out without anybody knowing.

“oh, i loved it. give five signs that identify a werewolf,” he pitched his voice up in a poor imitation.

“d’you think you managed to get all the signs?” james asked, feigning concern. from beside him, you laughed quietly. a small smile flickered on james’ face at the sound of your happiness, and his fingers crawled over to your hand until his palm was covering the back of yours.

remus snorted. “think so. one: he’s sitting in my chair. two: he’s wearing my clothes. three: his name rhymes with lemus rupin…”

james and sirius laughed loudly, whereas you and lupin exchanged knowing smiles and peter didn’t show amusement whatsoever.

much like sirius, james had managed to sneak something out of the castle too. only, it wasn’t an apple, it was a snitch.

“hey, where’d you get that?” you watched james in wonder as he fiddled with the snitch like a simple toy, letting it fly a foot or so away and then snatching it back with ease. your eyes trailed over his long fingers, his knuckles that had pinkened from the chill, and the veins that ran up his forearm so tauntingly…

“nicked it,” he said offhandedly, pretending he wasn’t reveling in the attention you gave him. he’d steal a hundred more stitches and take all the detentions if it meant you’d look at him like that—with reverence, not the platonic indifference you gave all your mates.

remus, unbothered with his nose back in his book, was resting his head very close to sirius’ lap. sirius shook his head, amused by his best friend’s antics. “put that away, would’ja?”

james sighed dramatically, but pocketed the snitch. he turned and dipped his head down to get a good look at you, eyes flickering between your own curiously. your heart pounded.

“hey, prongs! look who it is.” sirius wore a no good smirk on his face.

“snivellus…” james sneered. you thought that maybe he’d drop your hand and saunter over, excited as always to make a show of their rivalry, but instead, he intertwined your fingers between his and squeezed your hand twice.

“you alright, snivellus?” james shouted. you looked at peter; the two of you knew exactly where this was going and didn’t care much for it.

snape was quick to dig through his robes for his wand, but james was faster, having already withdrawn his own. “expelliarmus!”

you squeezed james’ hand in return, a warning to not push things too far this time. everybody was exhausted from exams. you (and remus) were in no mood to de-escalate a hoard of bickering teenage boys.

“impedimenta!” james commanded, much to sirius and a growing crowd of students’ delight. you continued to hold his hand but turned your head from his to engage in a silent conversation with peter.

“how was the exam, snivelly?” james yelled.

“i was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,” sirius said viciously. “there’ll be grease marks all over it, they won’t be able to read a word.”

you pinched your lips together to hold back a small smile. you couldn’t lie and say you didn’t somewhat enjoy watching snape be put in his place.

“what was it you were saying earlier?” james made a big show of tapping his chin like he was pondering something great. “ah, i remember! that you’d score higher than our lovely girl here? pretty bird’s quite clever, y’know.”

at james’ words, you remembered what snape had said to you a few hours before the exam. you muggle, he’d spat at you like it was the worst insult he could muster up. always in my shadow, always a couple marks behind me. i don’t know why you bother showing up to exams, much less class. you’re hardly a witch. you’re hardly worth something.

you’d tried not to let it throw you off. you and snape had always been academic rivals, his distaste for you heightened by your blood status, and the animosity between the two of you had only grown once you’d found yourself on lily’s bad side. but you hadn’t been expecting something so hostile from him; at least, not before your o.w.l.s. you’d gone and told james immediately, who comforted you.

you fumed, poking your head from behind james’ body. “it’s quite cowardly, you know, that your biggest worry is being outscored by a muggle-born girl. i can’t tell which is more pathetic, the fact that you’re so freakishly obsessed with my parents or that you’re a misogynistic pig.”

the crowd that’d gathered around your friends and snape’s struggling figure chortled, and you perked up, your ego stoked.

snape glared at you with such hostility that your face pinched in a combination of confusion and disgust. he blindly felt for his wand as he sprung curses and threats upon the five of you.

james sighed theatrically. “didn’t mummy teach you manners? wash out your mouth,” he said coldly. “scourgify!”

thick, pink bubbles of soap spilled from snape’s mouth, collecting up his nostrils until he couldn’t breathe and began to choke…

“leave him ALONE!” lily appeared by snape’s side in an instant, crouching by his body.

“gd’afternoon, evans.” james’ voice darkened in richness, suddenly suave instead of piercing.

“leave him alone,” lily glared. “what’s he ever done to you?”

you opened your mouth to speak, but james held you back with a strong arm. “well, it’s more the fact that he exists, if y’know what i mean.”

“you think you’re so funny, don’t you? but all you are is an arrogant, bullying toerag. leave him alone, or i swear…”

“i’ll leave him alone if you go out with me, evans. go out with me, and i won’t lay a wand on old snivelly again.” james’ voice softened to the tone he only reserved for you, and though it was your hand he was holding, and your body he was leaning into, your heart began tearing itself into dejected, limp strings.

“i wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” lily retorted.

you were right there. you were literally right there, hopelessly in love with your best friend, who was pining after a girl who didn’t love him—or, maybe she did—when you were right there.

you were torn from your thoughts as james yelped in pain, looking down at his robes to find specks of blood splattered across his shirt. you gasped, scrambling upright to examine the cut on his cheek.

james was already pointing his wand at snape in retaliation. with a flash of light, snape was dangling by his ankle midair, his robes falling down to hang by his face as his pale legs and graying underwear were exposed.

lily snapped. “PUT HIM DOWN!”

the crowd that had formed did not share lily’s outrage. with another flick of his wand, james released snape from his dangling position and left him petrified on the grass. “petrificus totalus!”

lily, realizing james would never let up at this rate, came storming over to the five of you. you jumped to your feet, eyes blazing with the same fury.

“you leave him alone,” she hissed spitefully.

your nose wrinkled in distaste. “and what do you want, evans? why is it that you’re always running to save your pitiful excuse of a boyfriend? he’s a fucking blood supremacist, you oblivious idiot. y’know, you are who you associate with. you wouldn’t be the first muggle born to take you-know-who’s ideology.”

lily seethed, james’ presence long gone as she turned her attention towards you. “what are you saying? are you saying i’d associate with the likes of death eaters? do you really think i’m that stupid, that i’d turn against my own identity? if anything, you’re the daft one.”

“you know what? you and snivellus can go fuck off-”

lily raised her wand menacingly, not touching it to your body but holding it at an angle pointing towards you, close enough that she could easily poke you with it at any moment. “you’re just as bad as james, y’know? a slimy, sorry excuse for a witch, picking on people to make you less ins-”

james jumped to his feet, pushing the both of you apart with a hand on each of your shoulders. sirius was on his feet as well, arms crossed and ready to intervene. the gaggle of onlookers was murmuring amongst themselves. the students of hogwarts were used to james and snape’s fights and james and lily’s arguments, but never had they witnessed the two of you throwing such scathing words at each other.

james had to admit, you did have a point.

“you’re such a hypocrite, evans,” you sneered. “you’ll look the other way while snape and his death eater buddies prey on first-year muggle borns, but explode at james and the rest of us for harmless pranks. it’s only a matter of time until snape targets you next, and i bet you’ll be all upset then, won’t you? because nobody else’s suffering matters until it affects sad, sensitive, spoiled lily evans.” you all but spat at her feet, hurling cruelties at the girl remorselessly.

“i’m a better person than you’ll ever be. severus has never done anything to you, and he’s my friend, and you need to lay off him. excuse me if i care about my friends; sorry i just want to help-”\

“i don’t need help from filthy mudbloods like her!”

you and lily froze at snape’s defiling slur. lily didn’t turn to look at snape, nor did she move, but you could see the way that she’d stopped blinking and the moisture that began to collect at the corner of her eyes. you disliked, maybe hated, lily evans, but you hated snape more.

“evans, i’m sorry, i-”

she cut you off with a haughty upturn of her chin. “i don’t want your apologies.” she turned on her heel and made towards the castle.

it was only then that james dropped your hand to chase after the redhead, his hands outstretched in the same way he’d been toying with the snitch earlier, and you stared at remus, sirius, and peter with your mouth parted in post-adrenaline shock.

you collapsed to the ground, rubbing your forehead with your hand, dizzy from the intensity of the unexpected confrontation. sirius came around to take you in his arms, pulling you into his chest and rubbing your back in firm circles. the pressure calmed you.

he cooed into your ear, whispering reassurances and sweet things until you finally relaxed in his arms, letting a few quiet tears slip down your cheek. you buried your face further into your robes to hide them. if sirius felt anything, he didn’t acknowledge it.

once lily had made it up the castle stairs and threatened to hex james, the boy backed down and came jogging back to his friends. the crowd of students who’d been enthused onlookers just a few moments ago didn’t spare any of you a second glance, not caring about your wellbeing as much as they did their entertainment.

as he rounded the hill, he saw you tucked tightly against sirius’ body, whose lips were brushing over your ears in an almost loving manner. a non-platonic loving, that is. his stomach twisted. he wasn’t normally affected by lily’s rejections or snape’s dramatics, but the combined stress of the exam must’ve made him nauseous.

his eyes flickered between his friends, spread out in various locations around the beech tree. he silently asked them what had happened with a raise of his eyebrows, but peter only shrugged and lupin shook his head. when sirius caught on, he merely glared at james in the same way lily and snape had just a couple moments ago.

you didn’t even raise your head to acknowledge his presence; if anything, you burrowed yourself further into sirius’ embrace with a quiet sniffle. sirius pressed a comforting kiss to your forehead before beginning to rocking you back and forth placatingly.

james’ hands were clenched into fists. his knuckles, which had been red from the cold breeze, had turned white. his hands, which had been steady when he pointed his wand to snape, were now trembling.

“y’alright, prongs? looks like you’re gonna punch something,” remus asked, already knowing the answer.

“y-yeah. i’m fine. just, angry at snape. for… upsetting evans, that is.” lily evans could not care less about james. even as she mourned the betrayal and loss of her friend, she’d rather be alone than allow herself to be comforted by james. if he were being honest, it stung. it hurt quite a bit.

evans. you cursed. it’s always about evans. lily fucking evans. you had tried to like her, you really had. but sirius was right. you did hate her, and it wasn’t just because she was prissy and self-absorbed. it was also because you were madly in love with james, and always had been.

you tilted your head up, leaving the safety of sirius’ chest to meet his eye. your faces were close; his breath tickled your nose and you laughed breathlessly.

the look in your eyes told sirius everything he needed to know. you were in love with james potter. you were in love with james potter. it was freeing and excruciating to admit to yourself.

james cleared his throat awkwardly, and you untangled yourself from sirius, embarrassed at the unplanned moment of intimacy. both of you knew it was platonic; both of you were aware of the subject of the other person’s affection. james was an airhead. james knew none of that.

“s-so, you and sirius, huh?” he laughed shrilly, and remus looked at his oblivious friend disdainfully. even peter squinted his eyes at james in disbelief.

you stared at james, appalled, but were only able to keep a straight face for so long before catching sirius’ eyes and bursting into racocious, howling laughter.

“us? oh god, please, never-” you screeched.

“for the love of merlin- i’d rather hug my mother!” sirius cackled.

“pads is like, my annoying cousin at a family reunion.”

“nah, you’re like my bratty younger sister.”

you looked at sirius with faux offense. “younger? i’m obviously the more experienced, favorite oldest child.”

peter snorted when he saw james’ horrified-jealous face morph into a horrified-bewildered expression. james pulled his glasses from his face and wiped them haphazardly on the hem of his shirt before putting them back on, like it would help him understand more clearly.

“what are you on, prongs? has evans finally gotten to you? have you actually turned into a brainless toerag?” sirius probed, eyes flashing not only to see what james’ reaction to lily’s showdown was, but also to gauge if he reciprocated your feelings.

“i’ve always been a bit brainless, haven’t i?” james muttered to himself as he sat on the grass in a dazed state. “i’ve got to get my eyes checked again. i’m fucking blind. oh my god, i’m such a fool,” he blabbed like he was reciting a mantra.

“you are definitely blind,” remus agreed.

“and we’ve all known you’re a fool,” sirius chimed.

you stayed silent, curling your knees to your chest and wrapping your arms around yourself like a protective bubble. you wished you knew how to apparate—not that it’d matter, because it wouldn’t have worked on hogwarts grounds anyway—so that you could escape whatever this was. you didn’t think you could handle another one of james’ pity parties, which he threw every time he fucked up in front of lily. lily, lily, lily.

you looked up at the leaves of the beech tree, which rustled back to you, almost like a voice saying, “you lonely sucker. your schoolgirl crush isn’t cute anymore, it’s just sad.” fuck the beech tree leaves, and fuck the breeze that was making them shake. making you shake.

a soft, wooly jumper fell atop your head, covering your eyes. you waved your hands around, trying to capture the culprit. pulling the thick knit from your head, you saw james standing sheepishly behind you with a thin tee shirt. he’d taken off his lovely blue jumper for you.

“thank you, jamie,” you croaked, voice betraying you of the emotions you were trying so desperately to hide. you chastised yourself for your poor acting.

“it’s no problem,” james said, crouching and bouncing on his haunces to reach your level, where he pulled you closer to his body with an arm around your shoulder.

“won’t you be cold?” you held your hand up to his cheek, which was beginning to turn pink. “you’re all rosy.”

james gulped. “uh, i’m not cold. i just… that’s just how my skin is, i guess. what’s it called, rosacea?”

in his peripheral, james saw remus muttering a big “yeah right,” to sirius.

“i’m being dumb.” james lifted your chin with two of his fingers pressed against the front of your jawline. “i haven’t even asked if you’re okay. i was the one who started it, but you were the one who got hurt. i’m sorry.”

you smiled sadly at james, knowing you could never be upset with him. he could be in love with somebody else and crush your heart into dust, and you still couldn’t be upset with him.

“‘m alright, thanks,” you lied.

james frowned; he was always able to see right through you. “you don’t have to lie to me, pretty girl. don’t… feel bad. if you’re mad at me, that’s okay. i kind of deserve it.”

you huffed, feeling your heart tug at itself again. moving your head from james’ grasp and fixing your gaze to a patch of yellowing grass, you grumbled. “don’t call me that.”

“what? pretty girl? it’s true, innit?” you could hear the teasing in his voice that he was using to try and cover up his worry.

“‘s not true. not really. not like that.” you sucked air through your teeth, frustrated at how oblivious you’d been, and how oblivious james was being, and how much more intuitive the rest of your friends had been the whole time.

“what d’you mean, not true? love, don’t tell me you think-”

“stop, jamie, just stop,” you hissed, leaping to your feet and scrambling away from him like he was some type of poisonous viper. “you aren’t allowed to call me those things, not when it’s meant for evans. you don’t get to use me as some sort of replacement just because she won’t have you. it’s cruel, jamie, to pretend i’m her—haven’t you ever thought about what that’s like for me? you’re killing me, ‘cause now i’m truly deluded into thinking you’d actually see me that way when in reality, you’re just picturing lily’s face on mine.” you took a withering, shaky breath. “fuck, james, that’s selfish. that’s just mean.”

james’ face had contorted into one sputtering disaster as he tried to piece together the words that had just spouted out of your mouth, which admittedly, were not very eloquent seeing as you hadn’t been planning on pouring your heart out today.

remus groaned in exasperation, sick of his dumb, emotionally incompetent friends.

“please don’t pull an evans and walk away from me,” james pleaded, looking back at his friends for backup. they looked back at him, unimpressed.

“well? d’you have something to say or not, or may i be excused?” you clenched your jaw, sneering at the boy you loved as if you didn’t.

james hesitated, but he must’ve taken too long, because you scoffed and turned away from him, hair blowing wildly in the wind. you were still wearing his jumper. you tugged at the sleeves, annoyed at how his presence seemed to follow you wherever you went, but rather than anger, little tears beaded at your eyes.

you wiped them away with your sleeve, furious at yourself. you could hear james behind you, begging you to slow down, but you didn’t. it was pointless; he would’ve caught up regardless, with those long legs of his.

“please, wait, just-” james panted, bent over with his hands on his thighs as he caught his breath. you raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“whatever you’re about to say, save it, unless it’s a grandiose apology that ends in you groveling at my feet,” you sniffed.

james dropped to his knees. “okay, okay, i can do groveling. please, as long as you hear me out, ‘cos i was wrong earlier, when we were sitting at the tree. i said you weren’t smarter than me, but godric, you are leagues beyond me, and the fact that i thought the opposite is a testament to my stupidity, i suppose…”

“are you here to be self-deprecating, or…?”

he covered his face with his hands. “no, i’m sorry. shit, okay. i’m a bit everywhere- uh, frazzled, at the moment.”

you frowned. it was a bit awkward to be towering over james as he was practically kissing your feet; despite how angry you were with him, you hated being the source of his humiliation and negative emotions.

you sat on the grass silently, shifting so you were beside him but at a reasonable distance, not looking in his direction or acknowledging him when he picked up his head and looked at you hopefully.

“look, i’ve been blind. literally and, uh, metaphorically. i’m like that, y’know? well, yeah, y’do know; you’re my best friend.” the both of you winced when he said that.

“see, but the thing is… i realize that we’re probably not really best friends. at least, i’m hoping we’re not. ‘cos i think i’d like for you not to be my best friend, but my- my best girl. ‘cos i think i’m in love with you.”

you finally turned to james, bottom lip tucked between your teeth unsurely. you squeezed your eyes shut. “what’s my name?”

“what?”

“what’s my name?” you insisted, a sinking feeling growing in your gut.

but it was like the weight of the day lifted off your shoulders, until you felt so lightweight you thought you might float away, when your name dripped from his lips like the golden wildflower honey his mom nurtured in his backyard.

“not lily evans?” you questioned, pushing the corners of your lips down to suppress the stupid smile that threatened to ruin your entire angry act.

“not evans, i swear.” james chuckled bitterly. “think i’ve said her name enough times to meet a yearly quota. i don’t want to say her name, i wanna say yours,” he mused, daring to chase your eyes for a connection.

“why’d you run after her, then?” you muttered, wanting more than anything to believe him, but held back by all the heartbreak that he’d inflicted.

“the other option was to hold you and kiss your forehead, maybe. perhaps your nose. whatever would make you smile. but then what would you think? you’d think i loved you, and maybe you’d be scared away, and i’d rather chase evans for the sake of continuity than lose you or your friendship.”

“when?” you whispered, allowing him to take your hand in his without complaint. “when’d you realize? ‘cause i’ve been in love with you since third year, and you’ve been after evans since second.”

“fourth year, actually.” james let out a heavy huff. “probably earlier, to be honest. we both know i’m not great with feelings ‘n stuff. but i guess i could only admit it to myself after i saw you threw your coffee at malfoy when he made that comment about some first year.”

“i don’t even remember that,” you admitted, a grin slipping out.

“yeah, well i do. after that, you told him off in front of all the slytherins and i swear avery was trembling. ‘n after, you talked to that first year so sweetly, and all i could think was ‘i wish she’d care about me that much.’” when james came out of his memory and saw you smiling, his face brightened as well.

“look, there’s my favorite smile!” he cupped your cheek in one hand, running the calloused pad of his thumb over your pulled-up lips with admiration. “you’re so beautiful, y’know that?”

“i know,” you giggled. “you only tell me every other day.”

“well, that’s just criminal! i ‘oughta tell you that every day.” james gasped exaggeratedly. his voice lowered to a low, gravelly purr. “wouldn’t want ‘ya to forget, now would we?”

“what’s my name, jamie?”

he laughed quietly, mumbling your name and emphasizing each with a kiss on the cheek. “did i get the answer right?”

you hummed happily. “so you can have a reward.” your voice was small but james felt it travel through his body, the kind of reaction only you could draw from him. “you can kiss me, if you’d like.”

james held back a massive grin, knowing it’d be impossible to properly kiss you if he was all smiley. he held your shoulders so gently it might as well have been a caress, and when he licked his lips and let his eyes puddle into a sea of adoration, you knew that he’d take you up on your offer.

not before he tackled you to the ground though. pushing you backward with a surprised squeak, your back hit the grass as james propped himself up with his forearms on either side of your head. and then he kissed you; he kissed you hard. it was rough and fast and full of longing. james tasted like cinnamon gum and pumpkin juice.

you broke away from him, maintaining the connection by pressing your forehead to his, and your lips were still brushing together as you finally, finally admitted it out loud. “i love you, james potter.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

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