Dark Remus. Remus who turned to Regulus after the prank. Becoming a master at card games and taking shots. Remus sneaking out after dark with Evan and Barty. Remus switching his jumpers for blazers. The whole of Slytherin remember that one party where Remus punched Snape, liquor in one hand, Regulus’ mascara, blood on his knuckles. Barty teaching him guitar. Dorcas letting him borrow her guitar. Chipped black nail polish. Smirks over breakfast, dark laughter during lessons. Pranks they get away with. Remus and Regulus flirting shamelessly while doing homework, stares as he walked in corridors. Putting Lily’s concealer in the bin, letting the light see his scars. Remus embracing the monster inside him as he lives amongst them:
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scriibble-fics · 18 hours
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Title: Watch Me
Rating: M
Word count: 8,328 ; 1/3-4 chapters [WIP]
Summary: "I still can't stand you." Or so Lily Evans tells James Potter, repeatedly, throughout a series of hookups their seventh year, until it's a claim she can no longer make.
read on ff.net
read on ao3
It's not the Christmas smut I spoke of, but...it's smut. Gratuitously and unapologetically and dedicated to @relyingonoldships in honor of her birthday month. Everything that follows, good and bad, is her fault. Love you, bestie. ❤️
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Please, darling. Can you please write more fanfics of Jily from Snape's povs like "she didn't"? I beg you please please. I really like Snape's bitterness and James's flirty character in it. I love it
I apologize for the extreme delay in answering this, but I hope this lil drabble makes up for it. Have another Jily from Snape POV moment. <3
Severus attempted to wipe the exhaustion from his eyes with a weary hand. It was nearing eleven, and he still needed to make his way back to the Slytherin Common Room without detection. It wasn't exactly a difficult feat, but it wasn't one he felt particularly up to facing at the moment.
He stared down at the cauldron bubbling frothily on the bathroom floor. He'd never done anything like this before, and he wasn't quite sure how to go about testing it now that it was theoretically done. How was he to know that it had worked? He couldn't test it on himself, surely?
It had been Lucius Malfoy who had informed him of the Dark Lord's request for the development of a potion, one that would erase several hours’ worth of memories for the drinker. Severus had not been privy to the purpose for which the potion would be used, only that the person who successfully brewed it would be greatly rewarded.
Severus had volunteered for the job, eager to prove himself to the Dark Lord. He'd already altered several established potions on his own, and had been dabbling in spell development since he was in third year. This was a task perfectly suited to his strengths, once that he could use to distinguish himself, to demonstrate his superior acumen and skill. 
He had thought it would be simple. 
He had been woefully mistaken. 
It had taken him the better part of six months to work out a theoretical approach, and once he had come up with a list of ingredients that should do the job, he'd realized it would take more than a month to brew. This posed a slew of practical obstacles: where would he brew the potion undisturbed for two fortnights? Where would he get all of the ingredients?
He'd eventually settled on brewing the potion in a small abandoned bathroom located off a hidden passageway that very few people knew about. The bathroom was tiny and cramped, and had the benefit of a magical lock. This was where Severus sat now, huddled in the small space between the door and the cauldron, staring into the depths of his creation.
This first go at the potion was finally done, but he didn't feel the sense of accomplishment that he'd thought he would at its completion. Instead, it was mostly fear and trepidation that filled him as he looked at the light green liquid. The extensive research he'd done seemed woefully insufficient in light of the prospect of handing the potion over to the Dark Lord. If it were up to him, he might fiddle around with testing it and perfecting it for months. Years, maybe. 
But he didn’t have that sort of time.
He would have to test it, albeit crudely. How, he was uncertain, but it seemed time was running thin on working out a stealthy plan. He would have to just slip it into some unsuspecting person's pumpkin juice and monitor them closely.
He sighed. He would figure this out in the morning. Sleep was itching at his eyelids, and his back ached from being hunched over the potion for so long. He needed to go to sleep, and he needed to do it now.
Opening the door carefully, he peeked out into the corridor. It appeared empty. He gathered his things and threw them unceremoniously into his bag. He slung his bag over his shoulder and exited the small space, casting his usual magical protections over the room.
He began making his way toward the Common Room. The biggest drawback of his chosen location was its great distance from the dungeons – he had to pass through patrolling teachers and prefects to make it back, and he had very nearly been caught on more than one occasion. There was little he could say to explain away his bag full of illegal potions ingredients - some of which he’d had to go to Knockturn Alley to purchase - should his would-be captor choose to investigate his possessions. 
He simply could not be caught. 
Despite this fact, he wasn't being as careful as he should have been tonight; sheer exhaustion had made him lazy, and he took a more direct route than he ought to have done toward the dungeons. Though at the time it had felt like a necessary risk worth taking, he would come to deeply regret it later that night, when sleep would evade him as deftly as she did.
He heard them before he saw them. Or rather, heard her. He would recognize the melodic peal of her laughter anywhere. 
It used to be that she laughed that way with him. She didn't, anymore, although that fact was neither here nor there.
“--and Mum had to pay off my instructor with a year’s supply of hair serum.”
Severus would recognize that voice anywhere, too, though for different reasons. James Potter.
“You were a terror,” Lily laughed, her voice dripping with affection.
Severus paused, an acidic wave of hatred eroding his stomach. How could he have forgotten? It was Thursday, the day Lily and Potter traipsed around the castle together in a pathetic performance of Head student patrols. From the sounds of it, they were about to round the corner ahead and discover him, frozen, in the middle of the corridor, decidedly out of bounds and carrying a bag full of illicit potion ingredients. The thought of being found by them - together, no less - far worse than any punishment they could possibly dole out, Severus scanned the corridor frantically for an escape route.
Lily’s voice was growing closer - “I’m not sure you should sound quite so proud of that…” – and Severus’ eyes landed on a shabby tapestry that he knew concealed a small alcove. It would trap him there until they left, but he would, at least, be hidden. Without any time to consider alternatives, he threw himself behind the tapestry and waved his wand to still its fluttering behind him, hoping that he had been quick enough to avoid detection. The alcove was small and cramped and just large enough for him to fit, albeit uncomfortably. A particularly jagged stone was digging into his back already. 
“Oh, I’m not,” Potter replied easily. “Because now I’ll look like a tit in front of your mum.”
Lily snorted, while Severus gritted his teeth. “Funnily enough, I don’t think my mum actually cares about proper ballroom dancing technique.”
“Phew,” Potter replied in mock relief. Their voices were now right outside of Severus’ little cubby, mere feet from where he crouched, hidden. His hand twitched around his wand, the opportunity to catch Potter unawares deliciously appealing, wondering if it was worth the detention. But no, he couldn’t, not with this potion…
How he wished he could. 
“You really don’t have to come, you know,” Lily said. “I don’t even want to go, it’s going to be dead grim.”
“You can’t rescind the invitation, I’m really looking forward to it.”
To Severus’ horror, their voices were not growing quieter with distance; it seemed they had paused just beyond his hiding place, lingering to chat, trapping him in this tiny uncomfortable crawlspace to listen to their unbearable banter. Severus could not have imagined a more sadistically designed form of personal punishment for himself if he’d tried.
It was a matter of policy that he avoided Lily and Potter at all costs. Seeing them together made him feel both ill and corrosively bitter. They had been together for months now, holding hands and snogging everywhere and looking so irritatingly happy. When he first saw them together, he’d decided Potter must have hoodwinked her, somehow, must have put up some sort of front to trick her into believing he was decent, and it was only a matter of time before she saw through it down to his rotten, arrogant core and ditched him.
But she hadn’t, and the days had turned to weeks, and the weeks to months, and still they were together, looking no closer to ending things. He couldn’t reconcile it, the Lily he had thought he’d known and the one who could want Potter. That the Lily who could cast Severus aside after a single mistake could apparently find it within herself to forgive him.
Fuck her. He wanted to hate her, but settled for hating that he couldn’t instead.
“That makes one of us.”
Lily’s voice was light and sarcastic, but there was an undercurrent of sadness that Severus recognized immediately. Against his will, Severus’ mind whirled, trying to make sense of their conversation. 
“She wants you there, underneath it all.”
“My mum wants me there,” Lily corrected. “Petunia only invited me to make her happy.”
Ah. Petunia. Severus knew Lily’s relationship with her sister was strained; he’d never understood why Lily seemed to care so much. It was clear to Severus that the sister was jealous, because Lily was magical and extraordinary, while she was nothing but a Muggle. But that was Lily, always caring about people she shouldn’t. 
“Would you rather we didn’t go?” Potter asked.
Severus nearly snorted and gave away his position. Of course Lily would want to go wherever her sister invited her. Potter clearly didn’t understand her at all. The thought nearly erased the pain that Lily had invited him to come with her to some sort of important family event, and the implications that went with it.
His back was starting to ache, crouched awkwardly as he was.
Lily heaved a great sigh. “No, the only thing worse than going is not going.”
“Then we’ll go,” Potter said decisively. “It’ll be good fun, you can show me Muggle music and I can wear a fancy tuckadoo getup–”
“Right, that. And I can show you all of my wasted ballroom dancing potential.”
Lily laughed, again, like she always seemed to when Potter wasn’t even being particularly funny. “It really isn’t going to be any fun, you know. Petunia is going to say something wretched to you, probably about your hair–”
“My ego can sustain it, I think.”
“And Vernon is going to ask you about what sort of car you drive–”
“Think he’ll be impressed by a brand new Comet 220?”
“And they’re going to make you feel really unwelcome, even though –”
“Lily.” Potter’s voice was suddenly firm. “They can say whatever they want, I really don’t give a flying fuck. I love you, and if you want me there then–”
Lily’s voice sounded as shocked as Severus felt.
“I don’t care what they said to me, I–”
“No, not that. You– you said– you…” Lily’s voice trailed away.
“Oh. Oh,” Potter replied idiotically, coming up short. Had the imbecile really not even known what he’d said? Was Severus unfortunate enough to be trapped here, forced to listen to the first time he said those words to her, tumbling out of his mouth in a mistake, not even intentional, not even careful, not even precious, the way Severus would have been, the way Lily deserved to be told? 
The silence was heavy. Severus wanted to vomit. He didn’t deserve her, and yet he had her anyway. 
“Did you mean that?” Lily’s voice was small, inscrutable.
Potter let out a sigh. “I didn’t mean to say it like that, but fuck, of course I mean it. Have I not been wildly obvious?”
Potter choked out a humorless little laugh, sounding far more nervous than Severus had ever imagined him capable. “I shouldn’t have said it like that. Things are great, I’m not trying to– to rush anything. We can forget I said it.”
“No,” Lily interjected sharply, as Severus felt a savage pleasure wash over him. Potter had fucked it up, as Severus knew he would, being thoughtless. “No we can’t.”
“Right,” Potter breathed. “Right, yeah. Probably not, but–”
“I love you.”
“I didn’t – what?”
Severus quite nearly fell out of the alcove, had to grip the craggy walls to support himself. She loved him? Potter? She loved him?
“I love you,” Lily repeated like a dagger to his heart, and her voice sounded like a smile that Severus couldn’t and would never see. “Quite a lot, actually.”
Potter, apparently struck speechless, took a moment to say anything.
Several moments, in fact. Suspiciously long moments. And then, Severus heard the distinct scratchy sound of robes rubbing up against a stone wall, and a deep breathy sort of sigh that sounded far too much like coming up for air.
He didn’t know why he did it. Perhaps it was some sort of sick masochism that caused him to prod the ancient tapestry ever so slightly forward, creating a crack just large enough for him to peer out and see them, about six feet down.
Potter had her up against the wall, pinning her there, kissing the life out of her like a fucking dementor. Her hands were fisted in his stupid hair, and her legs were hitched up around him as he held her there. He’d seen them kissing before, always against his will, but something about this one was particularly excruciating to witness, something in the desperate insistence of it, something in the way she clung to him like a life preserver, something about the deep intimacy of it that left him feeling like someone had scraped out his insides with a spoon.
She loved him.
He let the crack he had made between the tapestry and the wall fall closed, dropping his forehead to rest against the cold stone wall across. He tried to tune out the sickening sounds of their snogging, of Lily’s heavy gasps, of their soft humming.
He’d been wrong before. This was the most sadistic form of torture he could imagine, this moment right here.
She loved him and she was snogging him and she wanted him and Severus wanted Potter to feel this pain one hundred fold for the rest of his fucking miserable posh life.
After what felt like an eternity, Potter finally pulled his tongue out of her mouth long enough to speak.
“Nobody needs detention tonight.”
Lily Evans told him she loved him, and this was how he replied? What a joke. What a sick, twisted, ridiculous joke that Severus was here to be tortured with this interaction. 
“What?” Lily said, sounding about as confused as such an inane, inadequate comment deserved. 
“I think our patrol is done,” Potter clarified. “Castle seems safe.”
“Oh, yes,” Lily agreed quickly. “Very safe.”
“About time we turned in for the evening, don’t you think?”
“Yes, definitely.”
“Good. Because the woman of my dreams just told me she loved me, I’ve never cared less about people being out of bounds.”
“You never cared about that at all.”
“Oh, well. You love that about me, apparently.”
Lily laughed. Again. “Hey, you love me too, remember?”
“Yes,” Potter replied airly. “But that was always a given. You loving me is much more newsworthy.”
“Is that so?”
“Felt plenty newsworthy, to me.”
Severus wondered what he had done to deserve hearing this.
“Well, I love you, and I meant it all.”
“I know you did.”
“We’ll go to Petunia’s wedding and we’ll make the most of it, even if Vernon prefers Cleansweeps.”
“Thank you,” Lily said, her voice inflected with such affection that Severus’ heart ached with it.
“And who knows?” Potter replied, suddenly sounding mischievous. Severus heard the sound of their footsteps and deduced that they were finally, finally leaving, off to go whisper sweet nothings to each other mercifully out of his earshot. “If she’s really ghastly to you, perhaps I’lll propose at the reception. She won’t mind, will she?”
Lily snorted. “Oh my god.”
“Only joking. That would be poor form. I’d do it at the ceremony.”
“Perhaps I’ll propose to you during the toast.” Lily’s voice was far away now, it sounded like they had nearly reached the next corridor.
Potter let out a surprised bark of laughter that carried all the way to Severus. “Don’t tease me, Lil, that’s cruel.”
And then they were gone.
Severus sat, dumbstruck, in the alcove for a few more minutes, before his aching back screamed at him to move. He clambered out awkwardly, not looking at the space of wall that Potter had pushed her up against, and made his way back to his dormitory in a sort of haze.
He would lay for hours, sleepless, reliving every flirtatious comment, the image of them kissing so intimately seared into his brain with a hot iron.
She loved him. She loved him. She loved him.
And she would never love him.
How he wished this fact would release him from the torture of his love for her, but it twisted like a knife instead.
He realized with a deep sense of irony that he should, indeed, have tested his potion on himself, for he would do nearly anything to erase these memories from his mind, cursed as he was to relive them until his dying day.
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mppmaraudergirl · 14 hours
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Story summary: James Potter enjoys the simple life. That is, being a national Quidditch star, drinking profusely with his mates, and no-strings-attached companionship.
At least until he meets a beautiful, clever redhead who is immune to his charms and uninterested in his talents. She just might also help him see there is more to this thing called life than perpetual, meaningless bachelorhood.
final chapter on AO3
James finds Lily exactly as he expects to: dressed casually in Muggle clothes, hair piled in a bun atop her head, bending over a cauldron in the research laboratory. She startles at his quiet greeting, going further pink than what the steam of the cauldron has already caused.
Read on AO3 || Start at the beginning || NOW COMPLETE
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aurithemoon · 2 days
no but gold rush is such a lily evans song i cant i get goosebumps every time i listen to it
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beatrixrozalie · 2 days
Sirius is book smart. Remus is street smart.
I said what I said.
Also James is social smart and Peter is like bright??? Idk what word to use but he’s like observant ad sneaky and sort of a Slytherin kind of smart, there’s probably a word for this but I currently can’t remember axfhsvsvsg
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emeralddoeadeer · 15 hours
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the days are bright and filled with pain
Jily oneshot 1.5k
A glimpse of Christmas Eve with the Potters and co...
on Ao3
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ace-aussie-asshole · 2 days
I feel like Lily is the kind of girlfriend to tell her boyfriend wacky things about periods just to confuse him, and James is the kind of boyfriend to think she’s being serious and rush to the shop to get what she asked for.
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mischiefxmoonyy · 1 day
Lily: * pissed off yelling at James*
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bi-as-the-sun · 3 days
James would give his friends kisses on the forehead and you cannot convince me otherwise
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enigmaticemperor · 22 hours
I'm scared of a Marauders movie/trilogy. There I said it. Don't get me wrong, as a hardcore Marauder and Jily fan, I really, really want a trilogy, but I'm scared that they'll get the characterizations all wrong and portray James and Sirius as reckless bullies, Remus as a super calm and collected student at the top of his class, lecturing James and Siruis while they plot mischief with Peter, Snape as a misunderstood kid who did no wrong, was relentlessly bullied by big bad James and Sirius, was misguided, hence he joined the Death Eaters, how Lily was "there for Remus during a time when no one ever was" (WTF movies??!!), how James "stole" Lily from Snape (she's not a prize to win, you dumbasses), and all that.
Considering the mistakes they made in the past (looking at you movie!Hermione and movie!Snape), despite me really wanting a Marauders series (how about a Netflix series with like 3 seasons, 10 episodes each?), I don't exactly want it at the same time, if that makes any sense.
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annasghosts · 2 days
I can't believe it, but I started writing my first Jily fanfiction.. it has mutual pining, a dash of denial and a bit of a secret relationship..👀
No One Knows Us
Summary: As Fifth Year begins, Lily Evans is certain of a few things: she’s proud to be a Muggle-born witch, despite what Petunia might think; Severus Snape is still a loyal friend and whatever confusing feelings she has as she watches James Potter strut around the castle must be squashed because he’s nothing, but an arrogant toerag.
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Hey December
December 3: Foot Fetish
James Potter loved the rain, especially at night. He would wait for the rain to turn into a drizzle, and then go outside to walk amongst the mist and shadows. He’d watch as the rain soaked the pavement so that the streetlights would bounce back in an orangey hue. Being that it was close to Christmas, the rain was making the glow of multicolored lights look more like a scene off a nightbright screen thank anything. There was something so magical about the aura, and its why he found himself wandering the streets so late at night.
He’d taken the wrong turn, but it was University, so he’d simply ended up on sorority row. Most of the houses were silent, filled with an ambiance of sleepiness that exuded off the old bricks. He hadn’t expected to see anyone as he made the circular loop back to his dorm rooms, until he almost crashed right into a girl.
“Sorry!” She squeaked, green eyes glistening remorsefully, “I’m blind as a bat at night!”
James had taken hold of her shoulders to keep them both standing, and he didn’t let go. “It’s okay, I’m wearing glasses and still ran into you.”
She laughed, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. James thought she was beautiful. The rain had made her dark hair turn into damp ringlets that fell over both shoulders. She wore a Delta Gamma sweatshirt, ripped jeans, and was surprisingly barefoot. It was freezing in the rain. James blinked at her sparkly painted toenails before she dragged his eyes back up to her face.
“My eyes are up here, Glasses.”
“Lose your shoes, Cinderella?” He shot back, while respectfully lifting his eyes.
“The name is Lily.” She said as she tucked her phone into her jeans, “I’ll have you know that glass slippers are not a uniform standard for me.”
James motioned at her bare toes, “clearly.”
She leaned into her left hip. “If you must know, I was uploading pictures of my feet in puddles onto feetfinder for some extra cash because I’m famished, and all I have left in my pantry is stale break and jelly.”
It was the oddest admittance he’d ever heard in his entire life, and it made him throw his head back and laugh out loud. Lily tossed her wet hair back and then crossed her arms at him. The tree above their heads was covered in blinking white lights that flashed little halos over her head every few seconds. He thought it only made her appear even more strange, since the green of her eyes kept shifting in the light fluctuations.
James tucked his hands into his pockets, “is feetfinder very lucrative these days?”
“Hit or miss,” she had an infectious smile. “But I’m banking for at least fifty dollars to get me through to my next paycheck.”
“Your feet can sell for that much?”
“I once made two hundred dollars from a dude who just wanted me to paint them neon green.” She bragged, “rainy feet pics will be bought up by someone.”
James scratched his head, “well I guess it’s your body, do with it what you will.”
“Thanks.” She stuck out her hand and he took it, shaking it lightly. “what’s your name?”
“James.” He said, “James Potter.”
“What are you doing on sorority row at midnight?” She tilted her head like a quizzical puppy. “shouldn’t you be at a frat house playing beer pong right about now?”
“One, I’m not a fraternity brother.” James said, “And two, I had a date.”
“Lucky girl,” her green eyes glinted with a hint of sarcasm, “what is her name? I might know her.”
“Yeah, I had a date with the rain.”
“Oh, with the rain.” She chewed on this concept before she blurted out, “sorry for crashing your date.”
His smile flickered up an inch. James crossed his arms too, but there was a distinctive charge between them. Something in the air changed from pleasant banter, to charged electricity that made his blood boil. He noticed she had Rudolph the red nosed reindeer earrings in, something so adorable, that he wondered if he ought to just ask her out on the spot.
The rain had started up again. It splattered across her face, making little rhinestones of color drip down her cheeks. James watched as she licked the raindrops off her red painted lips. She had a really nice-looking mouth.
He needed to focus on something else, so he looked up at the clouds. Rain pelted him in his eyes, and he dropped his head again to find that Lily was ogling him diligently.
“How was the date?” Lily enquired, “or should I directly ask the rain, herself?”
“She’s an unreliable narrator.” James said, “you know, since she’s inanimate.”
“Rough date then?”
“I’m used to my dates being a little more intimate.” James brushed the rain at his face, “And a little less wet.”
Lily didn’t miss a beat when she jested, “that’s always a good sign if they’re a little wet by the end of the first date.”
James snorted and leaned closer to her, “your mind seems to be following the rain into the gutter, Lily.”
Finally, her full smile erupted, showing off a cute gap between her two front teeth. “I like to read smutty Marvel fanfics in my spare time, so that should tell you where my mind is most of the time.”
James roared through another laughing fit before he admitted to her, “you are the strangest sorority girl I have ever met.”
“Thank you.” Lily gave a bow at her hips and then saluted him, “and with that, I shall take my leave.”
She tried to turn away, but he grabbed her wrist to keep her from going. Her green eyes cut through the midnight rain, sparkling with a cleverness that James would love to keep around.
“Sorry to be blunt, but I think you’re funny and pretty, and I’d really like to get to know you better.”
She somehow turned redder. “I just told you I sell feet pics and read fictional porn…are you fucked in the head?”
James barked another laugh, “I have a good feeling about you, is all.”
“I have a good feeling about tequila and that never ends well,” she countered, “I might be your tequila.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
Lily stood there for a moment before she nodded her head with a firm resolve, “alright, then you’re taking me out for pancakes right now.”
“In the middle of the night?”
“Absolutely.” She said, “when else is the better time to get to know a stranger?”
James tilted his head at her, “you’re a very trusting person, aren’t you?”
“A tragic flaw,” Lily took his hand, “now lead the way, I gotta finish uploading feet pictures so I can buy us dinner.”
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beesinabiscuit · 3 days
Ice Ice Baby 
Chapter 2: Lily Has A Burger And Watches Baz Luhrmann's Best Movie (and also James is there)
Lily let out a string of swears that would make the executives at HBO proud. Her greatest nightmare was coming true. James found out that she was hopelessly in love with him and was calling to tell her that he was embarrassed and horrified that his longtime friend and teammate had lied to him all these years. He was going to say that their friendship was over and that he couldn’t continue to work with her and that he didn’t want to ever see her again and-
“Lily, I strongly doubt that’s what James is calling to say,” said Remus, who had apparently gained the ability to read minds all of a sudden. Or she had just said all that out loud. She had probably just said that all out loud.
“How do you knowww,” Lily whined, drawing out the last word until Sirius cut her off.
“Because you’re his favorite thing in the whole world, now hush up and answer the call.” And then he hung up. Which seemed rude, until Lily saw something far ruder:  Her thumb slowly drifting towards the button to answer the call. This was it. It was all ending. A sixteen year friendship, over. The world was crumbling around her. Was this the rapture? It was probably the rapture. The heavens were opening and the angels were descending down upon the earth to wage their war against hell or whatever it was that happened in season 5 of Supernatural, and it all began with accepting James’ call. Which she was currently doing. 
Her thumb pressed the green “answer call” icon. 
The trumpets of the lord began to sound, signaling the end.
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firealder2005 · 20 hours
Favorite Harry Potter Ships
#1: Hinny
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art by @craigtuckersketch-blog​
#2: Romione
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art by @tae-rhr​
#3: Nuna
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art by @foppishaplomb​
#4: Newtina
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art by @raztberry​
#5: Jily
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art by @gwynvys​
#6: Lovander
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that-bitch-kat3 · 2 months
james trying to explain why he’s got detention to his mom: listen i don’t know why i pulled that prank! maybe i’m having a midlife crisis!
effie: james you are ten
james: ten and a half actually and i could die at 21
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