#ive been exhausted but when i lay down to try to sleep i just cant do it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dollyhao · 6 months

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ameliorate; to make better

pairing: dina x reader

summary: dina is overwhelmed by all the things that happened in seattle…. and ellie, and being a single mother doesn’t make it any easier. when a sweet woman comes to make her life easier...better.

toni's note: there's nothing to warn about besides a bit angst, it doesn't really get angsty till the next part. im hoping i can make this into 3 parts. thank you for 800 followers by the way!

word count: 1k

you hear the sound of a wailing baby as you make your way back home, you follow the sound. you cant be too sure about these kinda things, what if something bad happened. you stumble upon dina rocking baby jj in a rocking chair on her porch, shushing him trying to console him. dina looks tired and overwhelmed, dark circles under her eyes and unbrushed hair.

you approach her gently not wanting to startle her, “hey, can i try?” you give her a gentle smile pointing at jj. dina tucks a piece of hair behind her ear nodding, “y-yea sure. you can try, hes been crying a lot lately.” you reach for jj bouncing and rocking in a comforting rhythm, chanting soft shushes. jj quiets down letting out a calm gurgle. you look back up at dina seeing her rub her hands down her face in an exhausted manner.

she chuckles, “i cant even get my son to be quiet let alone sleep, ellie was really good at that..” she puts her elbows on her knees putting her face in her hands. you stay quiet letting her have her moment, still rocking jj as he starts to doze off. dina seems to regroup, looking back up at you curiously, “would you like to come in? its getting cold out here.” dina offers standing up. “yea, thanks.”

dina walks into the house and you follow, “no. thank you. i appreciate what you did. “ “where’s his bed?” you ask now that jj is fast asleep. “he sleeps with me, the room is down the hall.” you go to the room, laying jj down, making sure hes comfortable before leaving the room. dina is in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea, “would you like some?” she glances at you over her shoulder. “yes please.” you stand awkwardly, hands in your back pockets swaying a little. she nods over to the living room with 2 cups in her hands. you follow taking a seat on the couch as she hands you a cup.

you thank her, taking a sip. “are you new to jackson? i dont remember ever seeing you before.” you chuckle, “no im not new, ive been here for years now.” you give a shy smile. “oh im sorry, i cant believe ive never noticed you.” “its fine. i preferred to stay to myself anyway. i work at the school. im a teacher,” you sit your cup down looking at her, “i always wanted to approach you, i thought you were beautiful. but you were dating jesse and then after you and jesse broke up, you and ellie made a nice little scene at the party.” you chuckle watching her face flush slightly. “also, im sorry about jesse…. and ellie.” she nods, quiet for a minute before replying. “thank you, for the jesse and ellie thing… and for calling me beautiful.” you smile at her.

you look outside seeing how dark it was getting, “i should get going.” you say standing up. dina stands up too, “thank you again. he probably would’ve cried through the night.” “of course, just let me know if you need my help again. ill be happy to help.” you walk backwards as you talk smiling at her until you run into a wall. “ah, shit..” you say rubbing the back of your head. dina laughs and follows you to the door as you turn around and walk correctly. “ill be sure to ask for your help again.” she says giving you a soft, genuine smile.

a week later, you walk into the dining hall as maria is walking out, “hey maria, is there anything you needed from me?” you wanted to make sure there wasn’t something you were suppose to be doing that you forgot about. “no. nothing that i can remember. im about to take this to dina, i wanna make sure shes staying fed.” “ill take it to her!” you say a little too eagerly for your taste. for the last week, you’ve been trying to find any excuse to visit dina and jj when you weren’t busy. dina doesn’t seem to ever object to the company. she appreciates you coming around and talking to her and playing with the baby. so when this opportunity pops up, of course your gonna take it. “let me grab myself a plate and ill take hers to her.” you say taking the plate out her hands. “well ok. thank you.” you smile before walking away.

you get to dina’s door knocking with the two plates in your hands. dina opens the door looking a little breathless, “oh, hey.” she gives you one of her soft smiles shes been giving you quite a lot. “hey, i brought you food. not sure if you ate or not.” “right.. food. i definitely forgot to eat. “ she says rubbing a hand through her hair. she gives another small smile, but this one doesn’t reach her eyes. “thats ok. i have food for you, lets not dwell to much on a honest mistake. k?” she nods. you hear a baby cry in the background, “i see you have two plates. wanna come in and eat? i was just feeding jj.” “id love to” you respond walking in.

you guys walk to the dining table where you find jj in a high chair. “hey baby boy!” you say tickling his belly, he lets out a squeal/giggle. you and dina sit on either sides of him after a minute, you see dina subtly go to smell herself. she lets out a wince, “um do you mind feeding him while i go take a shower.” you nod, “of course.” you say as you slide his food bowl over to yourself. you give dina a reassuring smile letting her know its ok.

when dina gets out the shower and is dressed, she walks in the living room while brushing her hair seeing you and jj on the carpet in her living room playing. she smiles, it felt good being able to enjoy a shower without rushing out to jj. she trusts you with jj almost the way she trusted ellie with him. yall look her way, both you and jj smiling at her. she comes and joins, both of you enjoying the sweet giggles of the cute baby.

(part 1)

#wlw #lesbian #the last of us #dina tlou #dina woodward #dina x reader #tlou2 #dina tlou2 #dina woodward fanfic

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euphoriasdesk · 8 months

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Hi, im a grade 12 student and im considering studying law soon, and i was wondering if theres anything you wish you knew about studying law when you were at the stage that I am? thank you

hi! take this w a grain of salt bc ive only been going to school for a month. but here u go!

1. it involves a lot of reading. A LOT. and you have to absorb the concepts as you read them the first time bc, more often than not, you're not gonna have the time to go over them a second time for a more in-depth review. it would just be to jog your recall. don't worry too much tho! this is a skill you naturally develop especially throughout your college years since you would be reading a lot of difficult texts (i assume you'll be taking up an ab program since you have plans to pursue law?) of course, law school is 100x harder than college and you can never fully prepare for the workload, but building a stable foundation as early as now would definitely help you in the future.

2. you need to be great at thinking on your feet. this is something im struggling with at the moment bc of my social anxiety and fear of public speaking (ikr, what am i doing in law school lmao). i have always been the type to internally rehearse what i need to say a thousand times before i actually say it out loud. if you put me on the spot, no matter how impressive the idea is inside my head, it's all disorganized and incohesive the moment it comes out of my mouth. that being said, try to participate as much as you can in activities that expose you to public speaking and impromptu speeches like hosting school events, reporting, debate orgs, etc.

3. you don't have to be smart, but you definitely need to be studious. admittedly, people who are inherently intelligent will have an advantage over the others because they'll be able to understand concepts quicker (it is an edge bc believe me —there's never enough time when you're in law school). sure, it might be a little harder (i know it is for me); nevertheless, you'll survive even if you are not one of those people who are intellectually gifted. what you need is to be consistent in studying, because you absolutely won't last 4 years in law school if you don't put in the work. always come to class prepared. study all the topics assigned, or at least try to cover as many as you can bc you definitely can't bs your way out of a recit.

4. the idea of becoming a lawyer was planted in my mind by suits and htgawm 🤣 don't fall into that trap like i did! the study of law is nothing like its portrayal in popular media (which is understandable bc no one would wanna watch the monotonous lives and routines of law students if not from rose-tinted glasses). media makes a spectacle out of the sleepless nights and the volume of material to be read and mastered, but it doesnt reveal the exhaustion that comes from such to the point that you avoid laying down during your breaks in between periods of studying for fear that you cant close your eyes for a minute wo drifting off to sleep. it glamorizes the idea of allotting most of your waking hours to studying but it doesn't show on TV the faces of your family when you say you cannot come yet again to the plans they made on the weekend. your heart must be REALLY in it, or you should at least want it enough for you to be able to make the sacrifices it's gonna require you to make because—believe me—there would be many.

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mejomonster · 3 months

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My gastroparesis driving me up a wall. And by that i mean ive been barely eating for over a week now and my symptoms still arent improving and im really not havin a great time im exhausted my bodys in pain trying to get me to Rest but i gotta work full time and my abdomen absolutely hurts but painkillers slow digestion even More so ive been laying down on heatpad as much as possible and i really dont wanna go back to an All Liquid diet (but even if i did im at the nausea and vomiting point of a gastroparesis flare which means even liquid only im likely to throw up either way) and like. I just wanna comfort eat bread cause i feel miserable exhausted in pain and it would be a small joy. But bread is absolutely not something i can eat during a flare. I can only eat it when doing good if i take benedryl. Im so angry and tired and id like to sleep for days. And i gotta still Make myself eat chips and protein shakes even tho i got nausea cause my gi meds dont work unless i eat Something. Even if i got nausea and tons of pain wooh

Anyway im getting flack from family for being so tired the last week and i love em and all but its awful feeling guilty for not calling Enough when its like goddamn eating (something humans gotta do at least once a day) hurts phenomenally and i barely can but i obviously desire to like any human then i eat and Ouch my body didnt fucking like that and punished me for it and im so mad. I feel awful and yeah im mad i dont got energy to hide how much pain im in and chat false enthusiastically for 20 minutes after already doing it all thru work. I had 1 teaspoon of peanut butter today and my remaining options are soup broth (but it had beans cooked in it and my body cant take fiber today so idk if its worth the risk of any accidental beans) and salad (which is of course raw vegetables fiber very hard on stomach rn so i can probably just eat a handful size portion and hopefully ill chew enough its mush and my body will tolerate it). And a protein shake (but its got fiber and is made of chickpeas i think for the protein so idk if my body is tolerating it or not im just drinking it so i dont have no calories). I had chips yesterday but i think my body considered it too solid or large to digest idk cause im eveb worse today. I also had toast yesterday cause i was so angry and hungry and wanted comfort food. So of course that messed me up. Which means i should take more benedryl. But then i wont just be hungry and pain tired, ill also be drug tired. And im so sick of being miserablr all day at work just to pass out the second its over cause allergy meds knocked me out then ive lost all day. But without allergy meds i can eat hardly anything i like. I mean i cant eat rn but like. Right before this fuckjng flare and hopefully once its over. Im just sick of it. Im tired and when i go to therapy next week shell probs ask oh what do you do to stress relief and its like... i get it but are u fucking kidding me. Im knocked unconcious from benedryl. And tired anyway cayse no food, and pain nonstop from gi tract. So im barely doing anything. I cant really get outta bed cause i need the 4 sq feet heatpad or ill be in agony over my abdomen. Dont have tv in room so i can use phone i guess. So tired i can barely keep eyes open or think so im not writing reading or watching shows on phone. I can idk listen to a reaction or lets play since if i fall asleep and wake up i dont need to follow a plot. But like im not in a state to be going for a fucking walk (i wish! I wanna dance and walk but my abdomen and back feel awful and im so tired im dizzy when i stand) or hang out w friend, which im sure idk shed prefer to hear some productive ass activity like god im just trying to keep myself employed and out of the ER until the flare rights itself. Please

And i know jts not that bad. Ive been worse. I couldnt eat solid food for 6 months once. I was in the ER weekly it was so bad i blocked most of it outta memory. This is only a couple weeks. And i havent thrown up much! I was throwing up 5 times daily back then. And i have had chips and peanut butter! I recognizr thats nice, i got some solid food and held it down! I know my gastroparesis is EONS LESS severe than it was when it started.

Its just like. It still sucks barely eating for weeks and any eating hurting immensely and nonstop nausea for days and pain not lowering. Like a normal healthy person might snap from anger if they try to go 20 hours without eating, or crash and need to eat to keep going, or just be run down as fuck and justifiable if they barely do anything that day. But i go days like that and im expected to just appear fine and live life normally like im not worn down af and just desperate to not feel nausea and pain and i just really wanna eat again. Normally.

#rant #my health issues

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raincamp · 7 months

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11 07 2023

sh mention trigger warning

my depression has been really bad recently. at least i think its depression? i mean im diagnosed with PDD but its hard to tell most of the time. since its persistent. i dont know what its like to not be depressed. and when it gets worse i never know if im just sick or dehydrated or if its a bad episode, or if its caused by any of my other mental issues.

last night sucked. i dont know how else to describe it except that i felt like the world was ending. not in an anxious panic-attack-y way though, i just like, felt so much emotion that my body physically couldn't handle it. like i felt intense dread, and i felt like i was going to throw up. actually maybe it was a panic attack. weirdest panic attack ive ever had if it was.

anyway during the episode i sat on the bathroom floor and turned on music. and cut myself. thats usually how i know I'm having an episode. its hard to tell otherwise because i invalidate my emotions so much, and with my emotional permanence, its like every emotion i feel is the only thing i ever felt, so i dont really have comparison, except when it comes to physical tangible things.

physical tangible things like laying on the cold tile listening to wild world by cat stevens and feeling tears run down my face and my throat hoarse and blood dripping down my arm to stain my floor.

youtube

after patching myself up i didnt really know what to do, i told myself i would get up and do something but the minute i layed down on my bed exhaustion overtook me.

so i texted my roommate asking for help. she was still at work but i asked her to "give me emotional support in whatever way she could handle offering it" and i also said "its completely valid if you dont have the emotional capacity for me"

i have a lot of fear of burdening other people, which is why i used to not ask for help, but in therapy i learned that its ok to ask for other people to meet our needs, and so on the rare occasion that i do i usually leave ample space for the other person to say no. i dont want to force them into anything.

when she got home from work she made me tea and let me talk to her for a whole hour. immediately i felt better and went to bed with no problems. i was even able to abstain from drinking and smoking before bed :) i dont fucking deserve her

anyway, i woke up today feeling the same as i did yesterday. exhausted, lethargic, apathetic. i want nothing more than to lose myself in hobbies i enjoy, or accomplish something, but I can't. i tried yesterday, i would get out of bed, get dressed, and prepare myself to be productive, but the moment i started a task exhaustion would come over me again and i would find myself back in bed.

i wish i could sleep, because it feels like thats what my body needs, but no matter how much i try, i cant. ive been making it a point to eat and stay hydrated, but thats not helping, so the only thing i can suppose it is, is depression.

i hate that i cant even distract myself. scrolling mindlessly on my phone is boring, watching tv or youtube is boring, listening to music is boring, reading fic is boring, i even tried hanging out with my other roommate for an hour and i couldn't do anything but lay there.

i tried setting up an appointment with a psychiatrist so i can go back on antidepressants but the website wont let me make an account or appointment with anyone because it keeps starting over/refreshing the account making process every ten minutes. and i dont have the patience to sit through that.

i hate feeling like this, but i really cant do anything but try to keep myself alive. right now.

- andrew

#tumblr diary #tw sh mentioned #tw sh related #tw sh

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melasecarg · 1 year

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eggshell.

my letter to khalil.

i havent spoken to you in months. my choice. i didn't trust you. you reminded me too much of a pain that healed a bit too deep. you wasnt the one that hurt me. you were wonderful. fun even. but i was wearing black shades, and i couldnt even see my own hand. but i remembered your laugh. i laugh like you now. i was scared of how easy it felt to fuck you, but how hard it was to say how my day was.

i left you on read in august.

today is december 14th.

you texted me tonight.

you called.

you're with to someone else.

but you thought of me, and told me all the things you liked about me and how sad he was when i didn't see you for you. you noticed even the little things. but i saw you for my past. it was a blurb. and it's haunting me tonight. bc its true. i get in my own way. we couldve been happy together. it wouldve been cool. but it got treacherous to live outside of my delicate eggshell. one step and the shell will shake, and i dont want that, do i? a fragile shell is better than no shell and all exposure.

i was so innocent. he took advantage of me. not you, wonderful boy. the one who locked me in the eggshell, and took my place in the sunlight. ive been trying to come out of it, but he stalks me like a wolf, making sure his prey never leaves. that part is true. ask my friends. ive been stalked bc i loved him. ive been spied on. ive been lied to and on. hes made the campus i live on vietnam. i cant escape him. no matter how hard i try. and im sorry. mostly sorry to myself, but im sorry i hurt you, too. even if it wasnt that deep because you told me you found somebody new that you like, maybe want to be with. i wish i was you. i wish i could leave my egg shell.

if there was a worldwide telegram i could send to you and all the masses, it would say this:

"i want you all to know how im trying. he was my everything. he was a reflection of my freedom. me smashing my toes in the mud. i was 18. swaying through tall waves of grass and light. the love that felt like the one picture of two souls colliding. it was a diaster. i left him at 20. i only knew him for two years for a lifetime of forgetting and moving on.

im still picking up the pieces. every inch of this city i lay my head on for 6 more months has pieces of his curls everywhere. every inch of me reminds me of us. even though all my bodyhas changed. ive changed. ive had some falls. my scars have healed. ive gotten so much healither. but i still get tired and exhausted. life has turned and the world has too. he took my friends. my friends love him more than me. hes all they talked about. so i cut them off. a lot for them actually. im almost alone now. i realized the people that i thought were there for me never were. so i couldnt trust khalil. because it has been brought to my attention that i cant trust myself. so pls know i am trying. it might be a while. but i wont stop fighting to leave this eggshell. im going to keep trying. he suffocates my mouth and neck like soot blowing in a pipe. i keep telling myself itll be okay. but i said that when we broke up. he stalked me, and the soot tracked on my shoe. so i stopped going there. i cried myself to sleep, "itll all be over once he graduates." he got his friends to do his bidding. as i try not to recoil to the unblock button, the world i see before me is crumbling. choking. boiling. burning. it creates more than a scab. i want to text him. but i dont love him. i want to text him to leave me alone. i want him to know that i see him. and iknow he cant be the only one who feels that tension between us when we swiftly walk past. i know im not the only one, if i was, it would just be my tears and healing beside me, and not another memory of him traumatizing me. i would tell him that i saw what he commented. i would tell him i know what he did. i woudl tell him to give me bakc my tote bag because i know he has it. i would tell him to take down my art, because my – your friend told me its still there. i would tell him i know you miss me, because they showed me a picture and you traced over my strokes. i know you miss me, because had your friends try to corner me.

and its not a good thing. i would tell them if he misses me that much, he needs to heal. i would tell him to leave me alone. i would tell him to stop stealing my joy. God and i are begging you to leave me alone. im begging God to tell me that im not crazy. i want to be free. i want to love. i want to stop blaming myself for your war and its aftermath. of course i still care about him. but i want to care about myself more.

the thought of texting him brings so many ideas to my mind. all of them are subjectively terrorist-like to myself and all ive went through. what if texts back? what if he shared it? what if that conversation is not ours, but ours and his pack of wolves? what if they eat me? what if they get me? what if this was their plan? all of the attacks were stragetic to get me back to him? even if it was to curse his existence to his face: its what he wanted. because at the end of the day, he hurt me because he was hurt too.

but what if he changed? what if hes just confused? could we sit in his car, a coffee shop alone. two chairs, two seats, however you put it. sitting. talking. could humanity be like that

as i wrote this letter to u khalil, i remember that you chose to be human for a second, and take a chance. not for the sake of gaining a romantic connection, but just to see what happened. if i was okay. was it something he did. how bad was it> because khalil, you want to love again. and you know, you tok your shot. it was peaceful. we laghed. we talked about our summer together. and i wonder what that looks like for me. but i started to talk about him. thats how you know it was not you. and while it is me, it is someone elses knife inside me, the pinned you when you embraced me. and im sorry. i hope you love her. i hope you hold her tight. thank you.

take care,

from,

melas.

#my words #blurb #dont read this

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nndefunctlolgoawaypls · 2 years

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my dad hit me and threw stuff at my head today over NOTHING. my fiancé was standing right there and then my dad said i was "hysterical" and"maybe i need to eat bc im acting insane so my blood sugar must be off" ok. well how about dont hit me, dont throw stuff at me, dont invalidate me in front of my fiancé and then call me hysterical and threaten to call the cops when i cry bc YOU HIT ME. im just. i feel so sick and ive never been more actively a danger to myself than rn!!! i just wanna die at all costs at this point and nothing will save me bc nothing is good or worth it when every single day you're told by the person who raised u that ur a piece of shit who doesnt work right and youre only good for fucking things up. im stuck in my room 24/7 , taking sleeping pills every 8 hours so that i stop disturbing people with my disgusting, ugly presence. i wish i was a better person but my dad and mom both think im just an asshole forever, cant ever be helped or fixed so theres no point helping me try. so why should i fucking bother. im exhausted. my dad intentionally triggers my PTSD then says im hysterical for reaching my boiling point and having a PTSD episode where i was HALLUCINATING I WAS ON FIRE and screaming my head off for you to leave so i could CALM MYSELF DOWN EVEN A LITTLE. i hate my life so much. i have no friends, no family, no money, nowhere to go, no life skills or even a high school diploma. im a useless pos like my dad says and i SHOULD just lay here until i die. maybe somebody will care enough to take my body to a doctor then

#life is too expensive and im too hurt and i just wanna go find a place out there to curl up and die like a fuckibg wounded animal #no joke thats constantly on my mind and someday im gonna take all my sleep meds and go lay down somewhere they wont find me and die #no note no goodbyes im just gonba finaly kill myself one day and not even know why i did it or be convious of it bc im snapped and probably #already dead inside or an alter will take over or something #life sucked anyway

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t0shii · 3 years

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hq boys coming home to you sleeping with their pillow

including nishinoya yuu, miya atsumu, oikawa toru x gn!reader

!warnings! mention of nightmare in oikawa's, lightly proofread.

NISHINOYA YUU had a very long flight and all he wanted to do was be in your arms again. he'd asked you not to come to the airport because he knew it would be a late flight but started to regret it as he was itching to touch you, and oh how he missed the smell of your shampoo and laundry detergent.

nishinoya ran a shakey hand through his hair as he walked through the front door of your shared apartment, he wasn't sure why we so nervous to see you again after two months but he sure was.

not bothering to call out for you, assuming you'd be asleep he took his shoes off dropped his bags near the door and made his way to your bedroom, his body yearning for sleep as he had gotten none on the plane.

he would have missed your sleeping figure laying on the couch had he not seen you stir a little. stopping dead in his tracks he turned to look at you. his eyes kind of watered after seeing you for so long but then he felt guilt because you were hugging a pillow and not him. he wondered if you had trouble sleeping without him the past couple of month.

he removed the pillow from you arms not without taking a picture first, careful not to wake you and quickly maneuvered himself where the pillow had once been. his ass was hanging off the edge of the couch but he didn't care as much when you unconsciously hugged him closer. he chuckled quietly whispering a, "goodnight, beautiful." before kissing your forehead and falling asleep himself.

MIYA ATSUMU his practice had him absolutely beat. he was impossiblely sore and really, he just wanted you to hold him and kiss his aching muscles.

sluggishly, he opened the door to your shared apartment, calling our your name, becoming a little worried when he didn't get a response.

"baby?" he called once as he entered your bedroom, eyes softening at the sight before him. you lay on your side, clutching 'tsumu's pillow tightly to your chest, face burried in it.

he smiled softly at you before carefully removing the pillow from your grasp, quickly filling in the space it left when you frowned from the loss of the comfort the soft object gave you. "sorry you to keep you waiting, angel." he whispered, "but isn't my chest much better?"

you nuzzled into his chest as he rubbed your back soothingly, falling asleep himself only minutes later.

OIKAWA TŌRU he was absolutely exhausted from his volley ball practice that had run late for the third time in a row. he felt horrible for coming home late so often, you would always try to stay up and wait for him, even when he told you not to.

walking through the front door quietly, he let out a deep breath, thankful to finally be home and back with you. the hole house was dark meaning you were in your shared bedroom, so he trudged to, gym bag in hand.

he carefully opened the door, smiling as soon as he saw you sleeping with his pillow clutched close to your chest, but then he frowned when you furrowed your eyebrows and let out a whimper, must be having a bad dream, he thought. cant have that.

he quietly placed his gym bag by the door and made his way towards you, he pondered if he should wake you or not, not wanting to disturb your sleep but also not wanting you to endure your nightmare.

in the end he decided not to wake you, removing the pillow as carefully as possible and replacing his own body in the space it left, pausing his movement when you stirred a little too much.

as soon as he laid down, you burried your head in his chest and he wondered if you were really asleep or not, nonetheless the smiled to you and pecked your forehead, whispering a quiet, "i missed you too angel, so much." your now relaxed face eased him right to sleep, but not before saying, "i love you."

a/n ugh the way ive been having the worst past few days and the only thing that makes it better is writing. ive been trying to change my formatting (is that even the right word??) of my posts but i havent done smth i like yet. ANYWAYS hope yall enjoyed! p.s. thanks for 100 followers 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #oikawa toru #oikawa x reader #oikawa x y/n #oikawa headcanons #nishinoya yuu #nishinoya x y/n #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya scenarios #nishinoya headcanons #atsumu miya #atsumu x y/n #atsumu x reader #atsumu headcanons #sunni's works 📓

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the-lonelybarricade · 3 years

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Loved your latest chapter and Im so excited to see what happens under the mountain!

I was wondering if I could request a one-shot?(up to you how long and you can do it in your own time)something along the lines of:

Feyre( from either ACOWAR, ACOFAS or ACOSF) time travels back to ACOTAR, but instead of finding herself back in her human body i the spring court, she's still in her fae body and ends up trapped in velaris, having to explain to the rest of IC who she is and why she cant go free their highlord(add some mistrust from the IC)

🙈🙈Id its very similar to what youre doing rn with your other fic but, if you find the inspiration sometime could you please do this? Ive wanted to read a fic for ages were feyre rime travels and meets pre-acomaf inner circle who dont know/trust her, but Ive never found a fic like that

Thank youuu

Hi lovely anon! It makes me so happy you enjoyed my latest chapter! I’m supposed to be working on a project for uni, but I couldn’t resist gratifying my lovely friends (because you're anon and won't be notified I was getting sad at the idea of you checking my blog and not seeing me respond) <3 I’ll admit I’m a bit scatterbrained at the moment, so I hope it’s okay!

I was having trouble brainstorming a reason for Feyre getting sent back in time because I didn't want to borrow the reasoning from ACoFD. So I was vague and twisted the pre-existing rules around the Ouroboros, and ended up getting quite carried away with the story since I don’t like not giving things a happy ending (even though it’s a little cheesy, sorry)

Anyway, I hope this is what you were looking for! I know you wanted the angst of not being able to save Rhys but... I couldn't just leave my poor bat-boy behind, you know? ;)

Also if this didn't quite scratch that itch, I'm always happy to take more requests

Word count: 4,446

The Ouroboros.

It was a massive, round disc—as tall as Feyre was. Taller. And the metal around it had been fashioned after a massive serpent, the mirror held within its coils as it devoured its own tail.

Ending and beginning.

From across the room, Feyre could not see it. What lay within.

She forced herself to take a step forward. Another.

The mirror itself was black as night—yet… wholly clear.

She watched herself approach. Watched the arm she had upraised against the wind and snow, the pinched expression on her face. The exhaustion.

She stopped three feet away. She did not dare touch it.

It only showed Feyre herself. Nothing.

Feyre scanned the mirror for any signs of… something to push or touch with her magic. But there was only the devouring head of the serpent, its maw open wide, frost sparkling on its fangs.

Feyre stared and stared, but all she saw was herself. There was nothing else. Then—

Feyre woke with a gasp, sitting up in bed to shake away the cobwebs of sleep and the strange, foreboding feeling that felt draped around her shoulders like a weighted cape, pulling her down. It hadn’t been a particularly horrifying nightmare. In fact, it was perhaps of the tamer dreams she’d had in the last year.

Yet something about it clung to her, perhaps a lingering agitation that she’d yet to retrieve the mirror the Bone Carver had requested. That must be it.

The bed space beside her was cold. The sun peaking through the window was not high, it couldn’t be long past dawn. However worrisome her own dream, her mate’s must have been worse to draw him from sleep so early. Worse still for him to sneak away.

Feyre rose from the bed, reaching absently for Rhysand’s dressing robe to wrap around herself. She always loved to steal her mate’s clothes, to be wrapped in his scent.

With gentle steps, she made her way to the study, where she could only assume Rhys had sequestered himself in the lone hours of the night. She’d noticed the weary draw to his shoulders, the dark circles under his eyes. This war was weighing on him heavily, and he was nervous. Feyre wished he didn’t insist on shouldering the burden alone.

“Rhys?” Feyre called softly as she got to the study, knocking on the door before she cracked it open.

Peeking her head around the door, she was met with the sight of Rhysand’s abandoned study. The scattered papers and war maps that had become characteristic of his desk space were surprisingly missing. In fact, the whole space had been cleared away and there was a thick layer of dust on every surface as if no one had been in here in years.

Feyre frowned at the sight, and how different it had been just the day before. Where had all the dust come from? And more importantly, where was Rhys? Perhaps he’d taken a morning flight to clear his head.

Where are you, love? She called to him through the mating bond, but was met with silence.

“Who are you?”

The voice was cold and venomous. Feyre turned, coming face to face with Mor, whose face was twisted into a threatening scowl.

“Mor?” Feyre asked, confused by her friend’s cold demeanor. “What do you mean? Have you seen Rhys?”

Mor’s face turned deadly, a look Feyre had only ever seen from Mor in the Court of Nightmares. “Is that some kind of joke?” she snarled.

Then, before Feyre could process what was happening, Mor had gripped onto Feyre’s wrist and they were enveloped in darkness. They stepped into the House of Wind, into the dining room where Cassian and Azriel abruptly stood up.

“Mor?” Feyre questioned when the blonde didn’t release her steel grip. She looked to Cassian and Azriel quizzically. “Guys? What’s going on?”

Cassian crossed his arms, assessing Feyre with a hostility that put her on edge. “Who’s this, Mor?” he asked gruffly.

Feyre frowned as she watched Azriel reach for Truth-Teller.

“Is this a joke?” she asked, flitting her eyes to each of her friends. Where she sought that friendly warmth in each of their gazes she was met with hard stares, filled with distrust, ready for a brawl. She couldn’t make sense of it. Was this an act Rhys had put them up to?

“I found her in the townhouse,” Mor said. “I don’t know how she got in there. She was in Rhysand’s study.”

“And she’s wearing his dressing gown,” Azriel noted dryly. Cassian did a double glance, his eyes going wide, then narrowing with a rage Feyre had never seen from the male. Certainly never directed at her.

There was a whisper of shadow, then suddenly Azriel was behind her, Truth-Teller poised at her throat.

Feyre startled. “Azriel!” she said sharply. Even if it was a joke, Feyre couldn’t imagine Rhysand would sanction this kind of threat. And the energy in the room was off, the tension too thick. “Stand down.”

“And who are you,” he breathed in her ear, his voice coated in shadow and nightmare, “to command the Shadowsinger of the Night Court?”

“I’m your High Lady,” Feyre answered steadily, not letting Azriel’s shadows, nor cunning voice, shake her resolve. “Now, I don’t know what is going on with the three of you, or what strange joke you’re trying to pull, but you will listen to what I say. Put. Your. Knife. Down.”

“High Lady?” Cassian repeated with a snort of disbelief. “You’ve got balls, little girl.”

Truth-Teller danced across the skin of her neck, pressing lightly enough to intimidate without breaking skin. “Do you even know to whom you speak? You should be bowing before the acting Queen of the Night Court.”

Too stunned to properly resist, Azriel kicked his feet out to knock Feyre to her knees in front of Mor. His fingers slid into her hair, gripping it tightly to pull her head back as Truth-Teller resumed its threatening position at her throat.

“Breaking into the High Lord’s personal residence, impersonating a high position within the Night Court, lying to the Morrigan’s face,” Azriel listed, increasing the pressure of the blade with each transgression. “You throw our High Lord’s generosity and protection in his face, something we as his acting Court do not take lightly.”

“Acting court? Acting Queen?” Feyre repeated, feeling as if she’d woken to a different reality. “What are you talking about? Where’s Rhysand!?”

“We’re the ones asking the questions here,” Cassian growled.

Feyre looked to each of her friends, studying their faces. Beyond their militant expression, she could see their grief. Could smell it. She repeated, “where is Rhysand?”

She felt the snarl that rumbled through Azriel’s chest behind her, vibrating against her back. When the question was once again unanswered, Feyre abandoned all sense of patience.

Darkness exploded through the room. She heard Mor gasp as the walls of the House shook from the might of her power. Feyre folded into the shadows, winnowing out of Azriel’s grasp so she stood in the center of the three of them.

“Az, Cass, Mor, you are my friends and I do not want to hurt you. But I am also your High Lady and you will answer me this instant, where is Rhys? Where is my mate!?”

Siphons gleamed red and blue through the thick tendrils of night, illuminating the Illyrian males’ faces. Cassian’s jaw had fallen open, while Azriel was studying her through narrowed eyes, wisps of shadow surrounding him. Feyre wondered what they were whispering to him.

“Mate?” Cassian echoed, the first to break the heavy silence.

Mor took a cautious step forward, her countenance completely changed. Her pupils were blown wide, twin brown depths churning with sorrow and gentle astonishment. Azriel went rigid at Mor’s approach, but no one moved to stop her as she came face to face with Feyre.

“Where did you get this?” she whispered, taking Feyre’s left hand, eye fixed on her mating band. On the sapphire-star ring that once belonged to Rhysand’s mother.

All eyes befell the subject of Mor’s attention. Cassian swore softly in recognition.

“It’s my mating band,” Feyre answered measuredly, still puzzled that the inner circle, her family, didn’t seem to have any memory of it. Nor of her. “I won it from the Weaver, as was the task set by Rhysand’s mother. But you were all there for that. I don’t understand what’s going on. Where. Is. Rhys?”

“Under the Mountain,” Mor whispered, her voice soft and pained.

The darkness ebbed away like a receding tide. Feyre felt her heart sink as she tried to process this information. “He—What?”

“He’s been Under the Mountain for the last 50 years,” Mor said, firmer this time. “And if you were his so-called mate, you would know that.”

“No,” Feyre said, shaking her head vehemently. “No, that’s impossible. We got out. We—”

This was a nightmare. It had to be a nightmare, and she just hadn’t woken up from it.

“Amarantha’s dead,” Feyre insisted, mostly in an attempt to console the unparalleled grief and panic that were raging inside her. “She’s dead, and Rhys and I got out.”

The grim faces of her friends said otherwise. They stared at her, in unbearable mixtures of pity and horror.

“I think she’s having a mental break,” Cassian said, not unkindly. “Should we get a healer?”

“Let me show you,” Feyre said meekly, casting her magic out to tap on their mental shields.

They all tensed, clearly not aware they’d been in the presence of a daemati. Trained well by Rhys, they all cracked their shields just enough for Feyre to send her conjured memories through. She showed them going Under the Mountain as a human, winning the trials and being resurrected, falling in love with Rhys, and eventually becoming High Lady of the Night Court. In turn, the three of them pushed back their own memories, of the current state of the world. Of Rhysand sacrificing himself so that his Court and Velaris would be safe.

A sob broke out of Feyre. “How is this possible? How am I here?”

It was Azriel who immediately went for the jugular. “More importantly, if you’re here as a High Fae, how is Rhys going to get out? How do we stop Amarantha?”

Feyre fell to her knees, grief-stricken by this realization. She was no longer human. She couldn’t stride in as Tamlin’s human lover and undergo the trials. Feyre had her powers, but they were untested. Would she be able to take on the whole of Amarantha’s court?

“What do I do? How do I save him?” she whimpered, staring in mute horror at her mating band.

Mor tentatively reached forward, laying a comforting hand on Feyre’s shoulder. “Rhys sacrificed himself to keep the people he loves safe. He wouldn’t want you getting yourself killed trying to save him.”

“I have to try,” Feyre answered desperately. “Amarantha she’s…” Feyre couldn’t bring herself to say the word, rape. Not to his family, who wear his sacrifice for them like an open wound. “She’s doing unspeakable things to him. He’s suffering so much. I can’t leave him to that fate. I have to try.”

With renewed conviction, Feyre accepted Mor’s outstretched hand and picked herself to her feet. “Rhys said it himself once. Amarantha’s biggest weapon is that she keeps the High Lord’s power contained. She can’t access them herself. But I… I have access to all the High Lords’ powers. And that bitch has my mate. My wrath will be plenty to take her down.” She faced her friends, who watched her warily. “You have my word as your High Lady,” she swore to them. “The High Queen of Prythian is going to fall by the night’s end.”

⟡⟡⟡

Winter had not yet fallen in the Mortal Lands. Feyre wondered if across the world, there was a version of herself curled in a bed with her sisters, clinging to any shred of warmth and survival.

That version of Feyre was very different from the version who strode up the sloping hills of the Spring Court with Azriel by her side. Rhys would be furious that Feyre had allowed him to accompany her. Should anything go wrong, it would destroy her mate to know his family had been put in harm's way after everything he’d done to protect them. Which was why it was only Azriel who came with, the only compromise she could reach with his Inner Circle, who insisted on coming with.

Who better to sneak into the Mountain with than the very soldier who taught Feyre the art of stealth. He was the obvious choice, since Mor needed to stay to rule the Night Court and Cassian was too heavy-handed to handle such a delicate task.

Their footfall was silent. Feyre wrapped them in the shadow of Night as they winnowed through the cave network. Her heart hammered in her chest, panicked to be back in the source of so many nightmares.

But Rhysand was more important than her fear. For him, she would not falter.

With the Shadowsinger by her side, Feyre snuck through the winding tunnels until she came to a familiar passageway. They slid into a massive, dark bedroom, lit only by a few candles.

To attack Amarantha in the throne room would be too messy. Too many variables to contend with, should Amarantha have enough wit about her to use any faeries as a shield. Especially Rhysand.

After several hours of waiting, the lock on the door clicked and swung open. Darkness swirled around the room as Rhysand took in the sight of Feyre and Azriel on the bed.

Immediately, the door slammed shut.

“No,” he whispered, voice dripping with horror. “No.”

“Rhys—” Feyre started, but her mate wasn’t paying any attention to her. He was looking at Azriel as if his whole world had shattered.

“Leave,” he said, his voice cold and commanding. This was no happy reunion between brothers. This was Rhysand’s worst nightmare. “Leave this instant, you stupid fool. That is, if you’re lucky enough to have avoided detection when you passed under her wards.”

“I took down the wards,” Feyre said. They weren’t particularly strong, either. Amarantha had gotten lazy, perhaps thinking herself secure with the only spell-cleaver under her control. Or so she believed.

Rhys turned that quiet fury towards her. “And who are you?”

“Your mate,” Feyre answered steadily, tipping her chin up.

Rhysand laughed. A desperate, humorless sound. “Then you are just as foolish as my idiot brother. And you have both sealed your deaths by being here. Do you understand that?”

Feyre scratched along those familiar adamantite shields. Rhys’s eyes flickered in surprise, but otherwise he looked unruffled as he cracked a sliver open for her.

It would be unwise to underestimate me, mate.

I wouldn’t be going around boasting about such a thing, if what you claim is even true, came his icy response. And I wouldn’t count on a few party tricks to save you, either.

And what if I told you, she purred, that I possess the power of all seven High Lords?

That, at least, garnered a reaction from the stoic male. He narrowed his eyes in disbelief, studying Feyre carefully. His gaze caught on her hands, at the lace tattoos that flowed to her fingers. And the mating band she still wore.

Feyre watched those violet eyes go wide, the silver constellations dancing in astonishment at the sight of his mother’s ring.

Where did you get that?

It’s a long story, love, but you’re going to have to trust me. She lowered her mental shields completely. Have a look for yourself. I’m telling you no lies. I am your High Lady, and I am here to free my husband.

She felt those familiar talons wrap around her mind. A foolish thing to do, to give a daemati unrestricted access to her mind. And if it were anyone but Rhys, it would have been. But his touch was gentle, and he took only the information he needed.

“I don’t understand how this is possible,” he whispered, breaking the silence of the room. Azriel had been waiting patiently, but looked relieved to be included in the conversation once more. “And I hate that you’ve put yourselves in danger for this, but it could work.”

Rhys considered for a long moment, then he looked between Feyre and Azriel and said, “do it when she’s sleeping. That bitch has been playing dirty for 50 years, you might as well level the playing field to give yourselves the best chance. Let’s do it tonight. I’ll leave the door unlocked, wear her out, and signal you once she’s asleep. Her spell prevents me from harming her, but I’ll make sure she’s restrained. All you have to do is drive the ash dagger through her heart, but have your magic ready for damage control.”

⟡⟡⟡

Feyre and Azriel waited in Rhysand’s bedchambers for his signal. There was a revelry tonight, as there was every night Under the Mountain, and Rhys was expected to be in attendance. Afterwards, he’d join Amarantha in her bed and make sure she was, in his words, “thoroughly exhausted”.

It was torturous for Feyre. To know exactly what the implication in those words were, to have to use her mate’s body in such a way. She wanted to roar at the Mountain, at the Cauldron, at anything that would listen, but instead she was next to the quiet, brooding Shadowsinger, and lamented in silence.

She’d begged Rhys to reconsider, to perhaps help them stage a more physical encounter that didn’t rely on his own suffering. But he’d denied any plan but the one he’d proposed, insisting it would cause him more anguish to but Feyre and Azriel in harm's way.

So they waited the long, agonizing hours until she felt a delicate pull at her chest. She’s asleep, Rhys called. Be on your guard.

He sent her directions to Amarantha’s bedchambers. There were guards outside, but Feyre and Azriel winnowed past them, cloaked in night and shadow.

Amarantha’s bedchambers were huge. Feyre had never been inside them before, but she was unsurprised to see they provided any luxury a High Queen could wish for.

Atop a large bed of red, silken sheets, lay her mate and Amarantha, both stark naked. The smell of sex clung to the air, Rhysand and Amarantha’s scents intertwined. Feyre thought she might be sick.

Even more sickening was the sight before her, of Amarantha’s arms restrained to the headboard in cloth. A clever way for Rhys to restrain her under the guise of sex, but horrifying nonetheless, to see the proof of what they’d been up to. The female was fast asleep, so convinced of her authority that she could fall asleep tied-up and not feel vulnerable doing so. How satisfying, Feyre thought, that such arrogance would be her downfall.

Feyre warded the room, putting up a shield of darkness so that no sound would break through to alert the guards. Rhys watched their approach warily from where he perched beside Amarantha, so still Feyre was convinced he held his breath.

He wouldn’t risk moving to wake her up, which terrified Feyre. Should something go wrong, her mate would be susceptible to Amarantha’s wrath. Naked, vulnerable, and completely under her control. It was such a dangerous game they were playing.

The room was as quiet and still as the bewitching hours of the night, their footsteps silent as they picked across the room. Azriel held the ash dagger. If Rhys could not kill Amarantha, his brother wanted to do it on his behalf. Meanwhile, Feyre summoned tendrils of night that carefully wrapped around Amarantha’s legs, slithering up her body like a snake, ready to constrict and restrain.

The female stirred in her sleep, perhaps feeling the ghostlike touch of Feyre’s magic. But she did not wake. Not as Azriel raised the dagger over her chest, and not as he plunged it down.

Amarantha’s eyes shot open as the dagger pierced her chest. She let out a shriek of agony and ire, moving to claw at her attacker. She raged against the restraints, spewing obscenities until they died at her lips as the blade sunk into her heart.

Rhysand’s chest was heaving as he watched the female still, then slump. He looked from her dead body, to Azriel and Feyre.

Feyre’s heart sank as she watched her mate process that it was truly over. There wasn’t a trace of elation in his eyes at being liberated, but she understood why. Rhys would finally be returning home, but as a much different man than the one he had been. He’d survived, but not unscathed, and he’d need time to process this.

Feyre came to him, reached towards her mate with the hand that bore his mother’s ring. Rhys looked to it, then up to her. His eyes were clouded with sorrow, with a melancholy she could only hope to chip away at in time. But she could see stirring beneath it was a breath of hope, perhaps the first he’d allowed himself in a long time.

“Let’s go home, Rhys,” she said gently.

Slowly, Rhysand nodded, moving to grasp her hand. She felt him jolt at the touch and, as she glanced at him questioningly, she saw his lips part in wonder.

I suppose you weren’t lying about being my mate, he whispered, the words a sensual brush in her mind. Thank you for coming to rescue me, High Lady.

Feyre grasped onto Azriel, and together the three of them stepped into darkness.

Then, they were above the House of Wind, tumbling through the night sky. Feyre unfurled her wings before Rhys could move to catch them, worried that her mate would struggle after 50 years without flight.

Both males stared in astonishment at the sight. Rhysand’s eyes danced in awe as Feyre, albeit clumsily, carried them to the training ring on the roof.

Rhys snapped his own wings open as they landed. Feyre watched him tilt his head back in rapture as he felt the wind against his wings for the first time in decades. Then he opened his eyes, his expression shifting to reverence as he beheld the night sky.

“I was beginning to think I’d never see it again,” he whispered, his voice a heartbreaking blend of exaltation and disbelief. “And for this gift… for my salvation to be courtesy of my mate and of my brother… I’m a bit overwhelmed,” he admitted sheepishly.

Feyre hesitated. If this was the Rhysand from before, the one to which she was mated and married, she would come to comfort him. But this version of Rhys had only just been freed from enslavement, and she didn’t know what he needed.

As though sensing her hesitation, Rhys cast his eyes back to the sky. “I know they’re all waiting for me downstairs, but I’d like a little bit of time with the stars. Will you let them know, Az?”

Azriel nodded, though he seemed conflicted. His reunion with his brother was perhaps not as merry as the male had expected. But right now, she knew the Inner Circle would hardly deny Rhys anything. Perhaps for a long while yet. So Azriel headed downstairs to inform their friends, who were sure to be anxiously awaiting their arrival.

Rhysand regarded Feyre carefully once the two of them were alone. “Mate and High Lady,” he mused. “You seem to wear many hats.”

“You forgot ‘wife’,” Feyre said lightly.

“Yes, and ‘Salvation’, ‘Queen Killer’, ‘Most Beautiful Female in Prythian’, it seems there’s many things I could call you. Could we start with your name, perchance?”

Feyre was shocked. She’d assumed he’d taken such information out of her mind earlier, but it seems he’d been even more respectful than she’d expected.

“Feyre,” she answered. “My name is Feyre.”

He looked wonderstruck. “Feyre,” he repeated, testing the name on his lips. A gentle smile curled at the corners of his mouth, the first she’d seen from him yet. He extended his hand towards her. “Would you like to watch the stars with me, Feyre?”

It was an offer she couldn’t refuse. Her hand found his with all the casual grace of a dancer, as if it were a routine they’d been perfecting their whole lives. Their fingers interlocked and as one, they stared up at the dazzling night sky.

This reality wasn’t perfect, Feyre thought. This Rhys was different from her own, and he still had a lot of healing to do. But if she could be there for him, to help him in a ways she hadn’t before, then she would be grateful to the strange eddies of the Cauldron for bringing her here. For allowing her to end his torment early. For giving them this extra time.

She watched a shooting star dart across the sky and smiled as it passed. There was nothing she could wish for except that her mate find peace in all that he’d endured the last half century.

His deep, velvety voice cut through the silence. “Do you often wish on stars, Feyre?”

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He was watching her with a heart-wrenching wistfulness.

“Only when I have a wish worthy of the stars.”

“And do you?”

Feyre looked to the northernmost star, which shined brightest in the sky. “I wished for a light in the darkness,” she told him. “I don’t think the stars would ever begrudge such a wish.”

Rhysand nodded solemnly. “It’s true that they would be begrudging themselves in doing so. But I see no need for you to wish for such a thing.”

Feyre looked to him. He was still watching her, but something in him had shifted. He was smiling at her gently, that lingering sadness already receding. “Why’s that?” she asked cautiously.

That gentle smile widened, showing off his brilliant teeth. “Why, Feyre, to find such a thing, all you’d need to do is look in a mirror.”

#prompt fill #anon request #Feysand #Feysand fic #Inner Circle #Feysand fluff because I can't help myself #mentions of rape #Mentions of SA #acotar #acotar fic #time travel

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marauder-exe · 4 years

Text

Moving Day- Sirius Black x Reader

Request: Hi, can I request a Sirius black x reader with the prompts 65, 69, 79, 86, 91, and 100 from prompt list #2.

Prompts: 65.“How about a kiss?”

69. “Let me help you with that.”

79.“No, like…. It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.”

86.“You are so beautiful — So fucking beautiful.”

91.“It was always you.”

100.“I remember practising how to ask you out in the mirror..”

Word Count: 1.2K

It was the summer after 6th year. You'd decided to move out of your childhood home, nothing was wrong with your home, there was just never enough space for all the antics you and the boys ended up in. And it would be nice to get away from your family and your crowded city during the summers. What wasn't so great however, was moving day. The constant moving back and forth between your city and your new home was exhausting, but luckily, you had the ever so entertaining Sirius Black to help. The rest of the boys where supposed to help but they never turned up. You chalked it up to, they either forgot or they just didn't really want to help, but you brushed it off anyhow. At least Sirius was here to make you feel better. He always had that effect on you, you loved it, of course, the butterflies, the giggles. You loved it a little less when you knew he didn't reciprocate your feelings. But you couldn't really do anything about it. Having him as a friend was better than not having him at all.

It was around midday, and you where utterly exhausted, after having moved boxes for the last six hours. Your arms strained and your entire body hurting. Your arms where hoisted in the air, desperately trying to put a box on a shelf that was just a smidgen too high. Sirius walked in after stopping in the kitchen for a drink, putting his glass down after noticing you where struggling.

“Here, let me help you.” His hand gripped your waist as he took the box with one hand, placing it on the right shelf. You turned and put your your hands on his chest.

“Ah my night in shining armour!” You shouted dramatically. “How could I ever repay you?” You threw a hand on your forehead for increased dramatic-ism.

“How about a kiss?” He smirked cheekily, puckering his lips. You giggled and pushed his face away.

“Ugh you wish” You walked away, swaying your hips, throwing a smile back at him. You and where like that, always had been, probably always will be. It never meant anything, the flirts, the cuddles, the googly eyes. He made that evident when he slept with nearly every girl in Hogwarts. Deep down it stung, because you desperately wanted it to mean something more, and so did he.

“Im absolutely parched, how about you Pads?” You dived onto the couch with a sigh.

“Couldn't agree more, love.” He joined you on the couch, your head now in his lap. This felt right.

“How about….” You looked up at him hopefully. “You, go to Tony’s and pick up some pizza, and get some coffee on the way back.” Pointing at him, giving extreme puppy dog eyes, hoping it would work. “And I’ll stay here and have a nice nap” You grinned.

“Well how could I refuse that adorable face.” He began to get up. “Do not fall asleep, misses, you need to keep moving stuff, or we’ll never get this done. Also why do you have so much stuff, so many damn books, its impressive to be honest” He laughed. He picked up his motorcycle keys and his leather jacket, while you just stared at him, you where well and truly head over heels.

“Admiring, love?” He smirked.

“Pfttt, of course not.” You brushed it off and he just chuckled.

“Right, you” He pointed a finger at you. “keep moving, no sleeping”

“Wouldn't dream of it” You giggled. He quickly left, obviously as hungry as you. You lay on the couch and sighed. He’ be gone for at least an hour, he gets very distracted sometimes. So you thought, a little nap couldn't hurt. But it was absolutely freezing in your new home, as the heaters hadn't been installed yet. You jumped of the couch and tried to look for anything to keep you warm, maybe wearing a tank top and shorts wasn't the best idea. Then from the corner of your eye, you spotted one of Sirius’ Led Zeppelin. You couldn't. Could you? Yeahhhhh, he’ll be fine with it, you guys had shared a bed before never mind clothes. You grabbed the top, shuffling it on. It dangled over your frame as Sirius was a lot taller than you, but you just giggled. You made yourself comfortable on the couch and drifted into peace.

You had heard the revving of Sirius’ motorcycle and you stirred in your sleep, not wanting to wake up. His keys jangled in the door as he stepped into the house. He naturally had his own key to your house already. He quickly got some cutlery from the kitchen and entered the living room. But he stopped when he saw you, laying so peacefully, sun beams lighting up your features beautifully, in his shirt. You stirred and opened your eyes slowly, adjusting to the light in the room. To your surprise, Sirius was already staring at you.

You gave a lopsided grin and said “Admiring, love?” Mirroring his earlier words.

“No, its just.. I cant believe your wearing my clothes.” He looked shocked. And he honestly was. The girl he was pining after for the last 6 years, was wearing his clothes, and it was his favourite shirt..

“Oh, im sorry, am I not allowed too?” You giggled.

“No its just, your so beautiful… so fucking beautiful” A blush creeped up your neck at his words. And you two stared, stared at each other longer than you ever had before. Then he did the unthinkable, he rushed over to you and his lips immediately attached to your, in a passionate, meaningful kiss. It felt electric.. Everything you two had felt in the last 6 years, poured into one kiss

You broke apart, foreheads resting against each other.. “be mine.” He breathed. Your words hitched in the back of your throat. He actually liked you like that.

“I never knew you liked me in that way”

“Honestly?” He questioned. “(Y/N), Ive been after you since the first day I lay my eyes on you. I remember James throwing a pack of Bertie Bots at me because I was staring at you for so long” You both laughed at the memory of 6 years ago. “All those girls, they where a distraction, because I thought you'd never go for a guy like me. Its you, (Y/N). its always been you.” His speech almost made you tear up.

“Of course ill be yours, do you even need to ask?” You giggled, and threw your arms around his, wrapping him in another passionate kiss.

You broke apart and stared into each others eyes, “You know” He stroked your cheek with his thumb, “I remember practising how to ask you out in the mirror, James helping psych me up” He grinned.

“Ever the sweetie Sirius Black.”

“Only for you (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)”

#Sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius black fanfiction #marauders #marauders era #marauder era #padfoot

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 4 years

Text

Saving Grace - Part 7

Summary: Steve leaves you and your son to go back to Peggy unaware your pregnant.

Your heartbroken and struggling without Steve until Bucky Barnes steps up to help you out. With you and Bucky growing closer everyday will he be your saving Grace?

Bucky ran into my hospital room skidding to a stop followed closely by Sam. He looked at me with wide eyes as he noticed the tiny bundle in my arms and slowly made his way over to get a closer look.

"I was too late.....i missed it" he said quietly "I'm so sorry doll, i got here as fast i could"

"Its fine, it was a surprise to all of us" i smiled at him.

"She's beautiful"

"Congratulations mama, you did good" Sam added with a huge smile.

"Thank you Sam, i cant stop looking at her"

"She's so tiny" Bucky said with tears in his eyes.

"You wanna hold her?"

"I really do" he nodded quickly, I chuckled at how eager Bucky was to hold her and sat up to pass her over. I noticed instantly that he kept her away from his metal arm, clearly worried he would hurt her.

"I'll go check on Harrison, give you guys some time alone" Sam smirked making me roll my eyes.

"I can't believe i missed it, i wanted to be here for you" Bucky said once we were alone.

"I know you did and i would've loved to have had you there, it was a shock to everyone when she decided she was ready for the world" i laughed before covering my mouth as i yawned.

"Get some sleep doll, i'll stay right here and watch this little princess. Got a name picked out yet?"

"Grace, Grace James" i smiled "named after the best man i know, you've been my saving grace through everything James Buchanan Barnes"

"Are you serious....."

"Yep" i nodded and Bucky leant down to kiss me.

"I don't know what to say....."

"You don't need to say anything" i smiled feeling my eyes start to close, i was truly exhausted and nothing was keeping me awake.

After sleeping for a few hours i had woken up to find Bucky sitting in the chair next to my bed with Grace asleep on his chest, It was a sight that melted my heart. The rest of the team had showed up shortly after with Harrison to meet the newest addition, i had enjoyed cuddles with my biggest baby while everyone fussed over Grace.

"Can we go home?" Harrison asked quietly looking up at me.

"Soon buddy, mama just needs to wait for the doctor" i smiled stroking my fingers through his soft blonde hair.

"Gracie come too?"

"Yep"

"And Uncle Bucky?"

"Of course" Bucky said before i had a chance to answer the question.

"Good" Harrison reached for Bucky wanting some of his attention now. The nurse stuck her head in telling me the doctor would be in shortly, i thanked her and sighed in relief.

"Hopefully they'll let me go home"

"Here" Sam passed the baby back to me "we'll get out of the way while the doctor comes by. If you need anything though just call"

"Of course, thanks for stopping by you guys it means a lot" i smiled at my friends.

I was so happy to be home, Harrison was sound asleep after Bucky read him his favourite book....like he did every night. Grace had just been changed and fed and was now fast asleep in her bassinet where we could keep an eye on her. Bucky had pulled me down onto the sofa with him to cuddle once we knew both kids were settled.... i felt the happiest id felt in a long time and couldn't help the smile that spread on my face.

"What you smiling about doll?" Bucky asked close to my ear before pressing his lips against my neck.

"Im just happy" i admitted casually "I've got my babies and I've got you.... i hate to say it because i know something is bound to mess it up but... Buck, this all feels perfect" i looked up at him and smiled before kissing him.

"Mmm feels perfect to me too"

"There is something i wanted to talk to you about though" i said sitting up so i could turn to face him properly.

"What is it?" He asked looking worried.

"Its nothing bad, relax" i chuckled taking his hand in mine.

"I just... i wondered how you would feel about me putting your name down as Grace's father.... give her your name"

I heard his intake of breath and he froze.

"You don't have to, i don't want you to feel like you have to say yes its just your already her dad in my eyes....." i said quickly trying to get it all out before he starting freaking out. But he didn't freak out at all, he literally pounced on me giving me the best kiss of my life.

"Is that a yes?" I asked breathlessly as he looked down at me with the biggest grin and tears in his eyes.

"Yes, id be honoured doll"

"Seriously?"

"Ive never been more serious in my life, you and the kids are the best things in my life.... i..." he stopped like he was unsure he should say what he wanted to.

I knew what he was about to say but he was scared of rejection, it was clear as day on his face.

"Its okay Buck..... if you say it i'll say it back...."

"I love you!" He blurted out making me smile like an idiot!

"I love you too Bucky" i pulled him back down so i could kiss him again "just for the record.... once im recovered properly, Sam and Wanda are having the kids for the night. We're gonna need some alone time" i wiggled my eyebrows at him.

"Yes m'am" he smiled before burying his face in my neck and playfully nibbling at the area making me giggle.

"Sshhh you'll wake Grace" he mumbled sounding sexy as hell, this man was gonna be the death of me!

After being woken up by Harrison running into the room and climbing into bed with us (where he proceeded to jump all over Bucky) we started getting ready for the day. Grace had slept through the night like an angel, when i looked into her bassinet she was just laying there looking around.

"So what you got planned for today?" Bucky asked when i walked into the kitchen cradling Grace, he was sat at the kitchen table with Harrison who was happily colouring in his Spiderman colouring book.

"Just taking it easy, Wanda is coming round to see the kids. Ive already had texts from her this morning asking when she can come by" i laughed "so i give her like 30 minutes tops before shes knocking at the door"

"Sounds about right"

"Here, can you take Grace and i'll cook us some breakfast"

"Sure doll, i can do the cooking if you want though..."

"I can do it, its fine" i said as i carefully laid Grace in his arms.

"Okay, I'm not complaining. I get cuddles with this cutie" he cooed at Grace who just stared at him with big blue eyes.

I was just plating up our breakfast when there was a knock at the door.

"What did i tell you? 20 minutes! Thats gotta be a new record" i laughed shaking my head.

"I'll get it..."

"Ive got it, You've got Grace" i gave him a quick kiss as i passed and he blushed! The ex winter soldier actually blushed!!

"Hey Wan, thats gotta be your best time yet did you fly here?" I asked as i opened the door smiling..... the smile fell from my face instantly when i looked up and it wasn't Wanda.

"Steve...." i said my heart racing as i looked at him, there he stood looking just as young as the day he left me!

"Hey sweetheart".

A/N...... sorry for the cliffhanger! Dont hate me!

Tagging: @jennmurawski13 @kenzieam

@captainchrisstan @s-t-r-i-k-e-us

@lets--be-honest @ms-betsy-fangirl

@damnaged-princess @farfromtommy

@disneylovingal @lbuck121 @billweasleey

#sebastian stan #bucky barnes #captain america #chris evans #steve rogers #reader insert #bucky x reader #steve x reader #saving grace

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voidselfshipp · 3 years

Text

Welcome Back

Cw:none ask to tag

Ok to rb.

Summmary: after being separated from her crew (aka after the third movie) for a long time, lazaro returns and re-establishes her old relationshipps with much chaos in between.

(This GIF is gold pure gold!)

It was nice to be with her family back, she Rode down the dusty road into their New home.

One for the humans and one for them, the transformers.

And they are all waiting for her there.

Optimus de-transforms, smiling as she does the same.

--the mamacita is here!-- teased crosshairs-- be carefull muchachos she'll burn you!--he laughed--well fuck me! Lazaro no time no see! Beautiful as ever-- said crosshairs taking lazaros hand.

--you know I hate when you call me that, but i see you havent lost your touch, crosshairs, handsome as ever,still

--you know I like to tease you-- answers the green mech.

The green bot smiles before being yanked away by both drift and hound, who hugged her tightly.

--lazaro!-- shouted bumblebee running to her .

--bee! You talk again! Oh how wonderfull to see you!

--same here,old friend

--welcome home, lazaro-- said optimus patting her back.

They all got into the huge warehouse, they all transformed into a smaller versions of themselves and Walked.

-- we saved you a spot by the Window!-- said bee pointing at a huge room-- thats for you

--you guys are too kind!-- lazaro said, hugging bee.

-- go rest, after todays drive you must be tired-- optimus added patting her back.

She nodded-- on it, boss!

As she walks away she doest hear primes fans kick in.

-- youre...blushing? -- asked bee teasingly.

--Not another word-- said optimus walking away.

Bee starts to laugh with crosshairs, drift starts to Snicker, and hound tries to contain his loud laughter .

The following days she'd help around the yeager family, she didnt had the chance to interact with humans like this, in her normal form.

Now shes sitting on her bed, looking at some old Polaroid pictures she took with bee during the 80s, when they first met.

[...]

It was a warm summer night, bee was Driving with his human companion at the time , charlie.

--have you ever wondered if there were more like you here?,in earth...?

The car rumbles as if it was saying yes.

--Ive found a New car recently, its weird, want to check it out?

Bee de-transforms catching his friend.

--Look, It has the same emblem as you!

Bee gasped, well if he could he would, he Gently taps the trunk of the car.

-- 《we wont hurt you》 -- said the bot through the radio--《 im an autobot 》

The car drives into the yard, and de-transforms.

-- 《im bumblebee》-- said bee.

--Well, I dont have a name per se-- said the other autobot-- but you can call me Lazaro...

Bee shook her hand and smiled-- 《hi, lazaro!》

[...]

--remembering the past?-- asked none other than bee himself leaning on the wall.

--Can you blame me? You look so much cuter Back then..

The mech giggles helping her stand up--we were kids back then

Lazaro sighs smiling-- but you havent changed a bit-- said she cupping his cheeks-- youre still cute as ever...

Bees fans kick in, as she presses a gentle kiss to his metal lips.

-- ill see you around,I told tessa id help her with her college Papers

As she leaves bee just falls on his ass mumbling nonsense until crosshairs finds him

--lazaro again?-- asked the green mech.

--yep....-- answered bee.

As lazaro helps tessa, the human smiles,they are sitting in the yard, optimus talks with cade.

--ive seen the way you look at optimus yknow-- said she softly pushing her bot friend.

--oh shuuush-- answered she-- he'd never like me

--oh you CLEARLY havent seen how he gets when youre around

--how so?-- lazaro tilted her head.

--dad made a comment about him acting like a schoolgirl around you,and his fans kicked in...

Remember that day you complimented his sword? Ratchet said he could see primes spark glowing like a torch! Come on you cant be that oblivious can you?

Lazaro stares at the human dumbfoldedly-- I think I can

Later that day she trained with hound,optimus watched from a distance.

--its gettin' weird--said crosshairs-- you look like a creep

Prime Turns to him, slightly scared that lazaro might see him staring.

--Just messin' with ya boss

The autobot leader scowls-- thats not funny crosshairs

--yknow, I see the way you look at her, just go and talk, its not that hard

Prime shakes his head-- oh come on--

--Hey prime!-- shouted hound-- can you come here? I need to talk with ya!

--hes got good timing -- said the green mech.

Optimus approached hound,talking about how they needed some supplies, when hound left, lazaro and prime are left alone.

--yknow boss is good to be back--said she standing infront of him-- ive missed you so much

-- the feeling is mutal-- said prime trying his best to not trip on his own Words.

--ive seen youve been weird, is everything okay?,I know things got rocky after that bitch quintessa

He sighs,looking away-- im still surprised the autobots still consider me their leader

She cups his cheek, caressing it with her thumb-- youre a great leader, and a great mech, quintessa was a rock in your step but thats it, I know deep down-- she said pressing a hand near his spark-- is a good Man, dont doubt it prime...

Optimus looks at her and smiles, he kisses her and she kisses back.

--youre a good kisser as well-- added lazaro.

Prime laughs--its good to have you back...

Its late at night now, shes laying down in her bed, playing with a hologram.

She hears the heavy steps approach her room and the gentlest of knocks on her door.

--lazaro! Oí! You up?

--yeah I am-- she said opening the door, whats up?

-- cant sleep either?

--hmm

The green mech sighs crossing his arms looking away-- wanna...wanna go for a drive like the old days?

She smiled -- of course, lets go

Both go outside transforming into their vehicle modes and Driving off around the New farm.

They get near a slightly elevated hill.

The green mech de transformed and leaned on said hill, crossing his arms once again-- I love the calmness of this, nobody to bother me

--pft youre still holding that act up?

--what act?-- lied crosshairs.

Lazaro giggles-- saying you dont need anybody, youre a soft teddybear deep down cross, dont lie to me

Crosshairs rolls his eyes, but still looks at her-- I hate it when you see right through me luv

He stands closer to her taking her hand.

Theres a brief silence, she leans on him, and sighs.

-- yknow our drives always ended with us making out, remember that?-- said he.

-- I dont see why that has to change ~

He chuckles , standing infront of her and hugging her waist--yeah I dont see why

He kisses her, her arms around his neck.

He presses his cheek against her chest-- ive missed you

Lazaro smiled-- me too,ive missed you so much

Some hours later they return, exhausted they collapse on their beds.

And day Is soon to come.

Now, early morning, drift is pondering on life itself, concentrated balancing on his swords.

Hes then tackled on the ground, and he yelps

-- what the fuck-- lAZARO!

--did I distract you?-- lazaro lifts her head up on her hands as her legs are between his.

--yes you did-- scowls the mech-- what do you want

She presses soft kiss to his lips-- brighten up, optimus wants to talk with ya

As she stands up, drift grabs her hand throwing her down with him and giving her a proper kiss.

--come on you big flirt

She get up again and transforms into her vehicle form to go train with bee.

--is there anyone you havent kissed yet?--asked hound leaning on a wall.

--you-- answered lazaro-- but dont put a challenge on me

Hounds fans kick in and looks away-- haha fuck you

--well then-- she said-- im off-- she transforms and goes to the farms entrance since she was going to take tessa and cade to the supermaket to buy groceries.

As she drives away hound shouts -- Wait wheres my kiss?!

#ask to tag #💚cocky sniper robot💚#drift tag pending #optimus tag pending #hound tag pending #🐝youre my bumble bee🐝

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dumbcuckbucket · 3 years

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i uhh wrote a thing and i just need to put it somewhere and forget it exists.

no one talks about the ugly nights when youre chronically ill. you hear about the bad nights, the dangerous nights, and occasionally even the good nights. but you rarely hear about the nights when someone lays awake in bed, crying from pain that they cant stop and wondering why the fuck they deserve to feel this way.

why am i, at twenty, so tired of living in so much pain all the time, that im questioning life? not in a suicidal way, let me make that very clear. ive been actively suicidal before, and this is different. i want to stop existing, but i dont want to die. i simply want to stop hurting.

why is it that when the sun comes up and ive gotten little to no sleep, my body still screaming in pain, must i pretend i am okay? brush it off as simply a life i am used to and thats that. i am used to it, but why must that be okay? why must i exist this way?

around nine i will roll out of bed and pretend my joints dont burn and that my head doesnt weep and act as if i havent spent the better part of the night terrified of how my illness will affect my future and silently sobbing about it. i’ll feed my dog and take him out. there’s some fresh air. its nice, but i’m tired. i want to lay down again.

i’ll shower, which will take so much of my energy that i do not have anymore. i’ll make phone calls. it seems like all my life is is phone calls, and then spaces between calls where life moves around me and i make no progress. i’ll call my doctor and ask for blood tests to see if my meds are working. i’ll call a different doctor to make sure my referral was granted by my other doctor. if it hasnt been, i’ll call that doctor.

i have an appointment at 11. its supposed to help. im getting screened for adhd and other mental disabilities that may be affecting my studies. what doesnt affect my studies anymore? im stressed about work, im stressed about my family, im stressed about covid and money and my studies and i am so tired. its supposed to help. i am already so resigned to hear that theres nothing wrong, because nothing is ever wrong if i dont fight and get different opinions. i am so fucking tired of fighting. i hope i get the help i need, because i dont think i can keep trying to get it.

my mom died. did i tell you that? two years ago, right after i moved away for college. her birthday is in 9 days. i wish i could talk to her. its hard, holding resentment for someone because of how they treated you while missing them so deeply it feels like a bullet wound.

her funeral was weird. it never really hit me that she died. i mean, i know shes dead. ive known. but when the treatments stopped and the cancer spread, she died long before her heart stopped. i wish i had better memories. i know there had to be good ones there, but i only remember the bad and the dying.

its crazy that of all the things that could be wrong with me, its chronic shitting disease. it feels like a joke. trying to talk about a chronic illness in almost any setting is hard enough. imagine that chronic illness relating to poop. it sucks.

after my appointment i have to go pick up a prescription. i hope it helps. it needs to help, because i am so tired of doctors and phone calls and the ever piling list of meds that dont work. having medication lists sent to new doctors and having to say “no i stopped that one when i started this one” and “that one didnt work” over and over and over gets exhausting. i don’t remember half of the meds they name anymore.

my roommates dont understand. i wish they did. they dont realize how hard it is for me to brush my teeth, let alone cook and clean. then to have to socialize with them at the end of the day feels like pulling teeth. i love them. theyre my best friends, my tether to life when i feel like im floating while the world moves without me. i just wish they understood.

i’ll try to go to class after i get my prescription. i’ll log on and ignore it, like i always do. i’ll lay down in bed with my computer muted, looking through twitter or looking at etsy. anything to not deal with the real world for a few minutes. the real world is so exhausting.

im still crying, but its fine. this is my life, its how it is. im used to it. its okay. (a lie, but a good one).

i’ll call my dad. i’ll lie when he asks how i am. i’ll tell him im tired because i havent slept well this week (lie of omission). he’ll ask how im feeling. i’ll tell him im fine (a direct lie). ill tell him about my appointment and my new inhaler and all the calls ive made. i’ll make a joke about how much it all fucking sucks (not a joke, but my tone doesnt let the truth out). he’ll tell me about his days off. he’ll tell me about work, and the grocery shopping he did, and how he still has laundry and that he hasnt done anything in the garage yet. he’ll tell me what hes making for dinner. i’ll say it sounds good (a lie; nothing sounds good to me anymore) and i’ll say im jealous (a truth; i miss his food). we’ll sit in silence for a bit, then he’ll say “well i gotta get going” and we’ll say goodbye. he’ll say i love you. i’ll say it back (the final truth). one of us will remember something to talk about. we’ll say goodbye again.

i’ll lay down again, and while the sun is out i wont think about how much i hate this. how i, at twenty, dont deserve this. how i have had my future robbed from me so i can make calls and appointments and run through a mile long list of medications.

my dog will lay down with me, and i will feel guilty for not taking him to the park to play.

i’ll remember i have to pay rent. i get up to do it. i bring my dog, and we go to the park. he runs himself hard, so we only stay for half an hour. we’ll go home, he’ll be happy, and i’ll be exhausted. i’ll go lay down and vaguely think about my school work. i wont do it. i’ll let my roommates decide what we do for the night. i’ll try to make some food, or order something. they’ll make fun of me, not realizing it hurts that they dont see that being alive is so hard for me. they dont understand, but thats okay. it has to be okay.

ive stopped crying. my knees and ankles and elbows and fingers still hurt. my stomach churns and my head is pounding, but im used to it. its okay. it has to be okay.

#mine #my post #jes talks #jes writes #chronic illness #crohns #long post #suicide tw #not suicidal but it is mentioned #death tw #ask to tag #personal #okay to rb

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

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Discord pt 100

[Date: 20/03, 7:45 PM GMT - 20/03, 8:49 PM GMT]

[Prior to the below conversation, Mona and Marcus briefly discuss how Maxwell had said that Fetch was supposed to be returning home this day. Even if it wasn’t the Fetch they knew, Mona said that he’d still have to take a bath when he got home.]

Little-K1ng: “i.. kind of dont want to think about it until it happens, yknow?

speaking of max, did you see??

im so proud of him, he left and didnt feel like he had to tell me why”

marcus...?: “Oh! Progress!!”

Little-K1ng: “of course i saw the post, hes waiting for fetch. but i think he also needed something from that place he was staying at? im just hopeful for him

im glad hes feeling confident after all this”

marcus...?: “Me too

He seemed...less stressed”

Little-K1ng: “yeah !!

but honestly, so do you”

marcus...?: “Do I?”

Little-K1ng: “yeah, just a bit

you know i still support you, right?”

marcus...?: “...”

Little-K1ng: “just like how i support max taking off his necklace, i support you being yourself

whatever that means to you”

donti: “. its up to you, marcus.”

marcus...?: “...”

Little-K1ng: “or viscount, if you like”

Little-K1ng: “do you want me to be honest?”

marcus...?: “Please”

Little-K1ng: “i know i havent done that much lately

i dont.... i dont really think you've been "marcus" this whole time. i believe thats who you were before crown, but i dont think you ever really fell out of the Family, so to speak

and im fine with that”

marcus...?: “...you are?”

llyr (they/them): “uhm, i hate to interrupt, but i think knight has max?”

donti: “WHAT”

Little-K1ng: “WH

okay,, uh”

donti: “NOT GOOD”

[marcus...?: “...you are?”]

Little-K1ng: “yes i am

but also”

llyr (they/them): “max said he was going to go outside and now knight said “he has the third””

Little-K1ng: “HHHH”

donti: “hey hey uh. this is.. not ideal but. we can. work through this.

do you know. wher ethey are OH WAIT BARONESS IS WHAT

baroness is taking max.

but fetch looks to be coming back.”

llyr (they/them): “... 3:

... shit.”

donti: “"shit" indeed.”

Little-K1ng: “I.....”

donti: “mona?”

Little-K1ng: “christ”

donti: “marcus.. or veyecount?”

Little-K1ng: “i cant even go get him,

i thought he was on his way back i...”

marcus...?: “...max isnt.. coming back”

donti: “no..

unless you want to try to catch baroness.

fetch can hear the music.”

marcus...?: “What music?”

donti: “. the music crown plays.

to get him to sleep. or be taken.”

marcus...?: “...oh”

donti: “. if he resists it his nose starts bleeding. its not good.”

Jack the Observer: “Fetch is making his way back to the house.

at least.”

marcus...?: “That’s good”

llyr (they/them): “there’s nothing we can do at this point, is there?”

Jack the Observer: “no.”

marcus...?: “...Mona?”

Little-K1ng: “im just.....

i guess... im running a warm bath, do you want to put on some coffee? if fetch shows up, hes going to be exhausted. if knight shows up, hes going to appreciate the effort”

marcus...?: “....yeah I can do that”

Little-K1ng: “.....brew it strong

ill need some too, i have a migraine coming on”

marcus...?: “Got it”

donti: “. guys.

fetch isnt doing. too well.”

llyr (they/them): “...”

marcus...?: “I can see that, try not to stress Mona out any more than she already is please”

donti: “alright.”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, can i check your laurel? just to see if anything else has happened to it”

marcus...?: “Uh..yeah sure”

Little-K1ng: “hm.. the flowers are pretty and blooming well, but no new changes”

marcus...?: “...can I check for you?”

Jack the Observer: “well. we can see how Mona is doing. how about you, viscount?”

marcus...?: “I’m alright”

arc: “is there anything you need from us at the moment bud?”

marcus...?: “I’m fine, Mona is stressed”

Jack the Observer 👁: “it would be understandable if you were also stressed, viscount.

after all, you are familiar with both Fetch and Knight.”

marcus...?: “I’m....not stressed exactly

Anxious maybe”

[marcus...?: “...can I check for you?”]

Little-K1ng: “...please”

marcus...?: “....

Nothing

No bumps

Your skins red but you said you’d been pulling on your hair”

Jack the Observer: “it's the twentieth.”

Little-K1ng: “yeah... been constantly checking and its actually kinda hurting from that”

Jack the Observer: “that would imply that she is not, in fact the fourth.

...”

Little-K1ng: “but only from that, nothing on the skin”

Jack the Observer: “so who is?”

Little-K1ng: “im.... i just....ii j ust ,,”

llyr (they/them): “wasn’t baroness’s a spontaneous growth?”

Jack the Observer: “not really. she had a unusual headache and illness for days before.”

Little-K1ng: “i dd o nt knn ow”

donti: “ah. mona.”

marcus...?: “Hey hey hey Mona it’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “h h ow amd i gg oi ng to kee p d oi ng this”

Little-K1ng: “eever yy FUCKING time,,”

donti: “breathe..”

Jack the Observer: “calm yourself.

fetch is here

is fetch there, mona”

donti: “fetch!”

Little-K1ng: “hh es ??

wha t?

oh i hear footsteps on the porch”

Jack the Observer: “calm yourself. go to fetch.”

Little-K1ng: “I”

marcus...?: “ow”

Little-K1ng: “WOAH okay”

. . .: “ ...”

Little-K1ng: “FETCH?”

marcus...?: “Did you have to slam the door??”

. . .: “............”

marcus...?: “Holy shit”

. . .: “...”

Jack the Observer: “viscount, what's happening.”

donti: “fetch?”

Little-K1ng: “the door just FLEW open oh my god”

marcus...?: “He’s..covered in blood”

Little-K1ng: “oh my god

oh thats a lot....”

marcus...?: “Oh my god”

. . .: “Cant you hear that lovely tune?”

Jack the Observer: “Who's the most coherent one in the room”

marcus...?: “Me?”

Little-K1ng: “the... tune?”

donti: “. the song.”

marcus...?: “Fetch there’s no sound”

Bea (she/they): “oh no”

Jack the Observer: “well. can you hear puppet?”

marcus...?: “Just..us”

Jack the Observer: “...”

Little-K1ng: “fetch..... its quiet except for your breathing, are you....?”

Jack the Observer: “it's Knight that's playing puppet, then.”

donti: “or crown.”

marcus...?: “There’s no sounds”

Little-K1ng: “fetch... i..”

marcus...?: “No one is playing anything”

Little-K1ng: “hey, come here... you're gonna hurt yourself, i can help you stand..”

marcus...?: “WHOA HEY”

[donti: “is his nose bleeding?”]

Little-K1ng: “genuinely the least answerable question”

Jack the Observer: “someone get Max's tea.”

Little-K1ng: “AH

FETCH”

marcus...?: “he just collapsed”

Little-K1ng: “hes on the floor

ill carry him im”

donti: “the tea jacks right give him the tea”

Little-K1ng: “he needs a lot”

C R O W N: “:)”

Little-K1ng: “[GASP] uh uh hey hey there uh”

donti: “. crown. nice to.. see you again.”

Little-K1ng: “just gonna,, drag

fetch,,”

Little-K1ng: “gotta get him cleaned up,, hahahaha,,, uh,,,”

C R O W N: “hello again everyone :) long time, no see”

marcus...?: “.....

Crown”

marcus...?: “Crown I’m so sorry”

Little-K1ng: “here bud, just lay here, okay? you'll be alright,, ill keep you safe, you'll be okay, fetch

ill grab maxs weird water for you just.... just lay here.... dont slump like that...”

[marcus...?: “Crown I’m so sorry”]

C R O W N: “Ah, viscount :) how are you feeling? your flowers are coming in beautifully”

marcus...?: “I’m feeling alright but..

I’m sorry

im so sorry”

Little-K1ng: “here, fetch, shh... just.... ill wipe you down with it... it should help.... i cant see if you're wounded i cant see it... ,my migraine.....you'll be okay you'll be okay ill keep you safe”

[marcus...?: “im so sorry”]

C R O W N: “It's alright :) i'm not mad, i promise”

marcus...?: “..you’re not?

I... I pushed you in a river”

donti: “marcus?

marcus...?: “I pushed you in a river and I knew it would hurt you I was just so scared im sorry

I never wanted to leave I was just scared I'm sorry”

Little-K1ng: “there we go.... your cuts are sealing, you're looking better already... you're breathing okay... i promised you would come home in time and you're here fetch and im so glad”

[marcus...?: “I never wanted to leave I was just scared I'm sorry”]

C R O W N: “It's okay, vis. You're going home now. That's what matters :)”

marcus...?: “i can come back?”

Little-K1ng: “im sure lawrence would have understood.... im sure he forgives you..... its okay....... i forgive you, i was never mad fetch im here.... i wont let you go again i promise i promise i”

marcus...?: “you’ll let me come back home?”

[marcus...?: “you’ll let me come back home?”]

C R O W N: “of course :)”

marcus...?: “thank you thankyouthankyou

....crown?”

C R O W N: “:)”

marcus...?: “Crown...max and fetch...

They aren’t happy.......when they’re page and knight

please

let them be happy”

Kate: “Oh, this is such a good day!”

marcus...?: “can you promise me that?”

Little-K1ng: “its okay fetch its okay ive got you im holding you you'll be okay even if you're knight i wont mind i wont as long as you're okay and you're happy i promise i really do”

donti: “chat and kate are here.”

Jack the Observer: “hello, pawns :)”

Kate: “:)”

Chat: “:)”

[.: “let them be happy”]

C R O W N: “Of course, vis. I promise they'll be happy:)”

marcus...?: “thank you”

Little-K1ng: “crown is in my house hes in my house hes talking to marcus viscount him and i just i dont know what to do i said i would be okay im going to be okay ive done it before and ill do it again ill be okay”

[Jack the Observer: “calm yourself, Mona. focus on... your dog.”]

Little-K1ng: “name one single other thing i have ever been focused on you many eyed FUCK”

Kate: “:)”

[Kate: “hello there! are you as excited as we are?”]

Jack the Observer: “we've certainly been waiting for this moment with a comparable amount of energy.”

Kate: “:)”

donti: “you seem excited. i hope youre happy.”

C R O W N: “It's time to go home, for all of you. Are you ready? :)”

.: “I’m ready”

Little-K1ng: “ive been waiting for this day for weeks now and its here and i dont know what to do i dont know how to help or what to say or how to feel or what to think what the fuck”

Kate: “Of course I’m happy, silly! Family is coming home today! Wouldn’t you be happy?”

. . .: “Duh! why wouldn't i be!”

Little-K1ng: “knight if today is the day you still have to get up and go hes here and i dont know how patient hes going to be please ijust wa nt yo u to be h a pp y . and sa sa fe....”

C R O W N: “I'm glad to hear it :)”

Jack the Observer: “we're just waiting on the second and the fourth, now.”

Little-K1ng: “the second is in here in the bathroom with me please crown please come in and see him i cant get him to wake up hes exhausted and i dont know what to do”

donti: “why are you calling him that...”

Jack the Observer: “well. we can't call him Knight or Fetch.”

Little-K1ng: “hes breathing hes ALIVE but i cant i cant help him i dont know what to do hes not bleeding anymore he should be awake”

Bea (she/they): “who said we couldn't call him fetch?”

[donti: “why are you calling him that...”]

Jack the Observer: “the second makes it clear, at least, who we're speaking about.”

[Little-K1ng: “hes breathing hes ALIVE but i cant i cant help him i dont know what to do hes not bleeding anymore he should be awake”]

C R O W N: “Ah I see :)”

Jack the Observer: “he may not be fetch right now. it's disrespectful not to call someone by their chosen name.”

Little-K1ng: “i dont know who the fourth is and i dont know what to do i dont have a laurel and i dont know how to help”

C R O W N: “:)”

Little-K1ng: “WHY ARE YOU SMILING?? IS HE OKAY WHAT DO I DO CROWN”

[Little-K1ng: “WHY ARE YOU SMILING?? IS HE OKAY WHAT DO I DO CROWN”]

C R O W N: “The first came willingly, the second is sleeping, the third is heading home. The fourth? :)”

Kate: “Don't worry, Mona! When he wakes up, he'll be good as new! Crown always takes care of us”

Little-K1ng: “crown my migraine isnt worse with you around, its just the same. i weirdly expected something to change while im looking at you”

Little-K1ng: “im just looking at you and you're right in front of me. you're just. you're just smiling at me and im just as conflicted as i was before. i dont know what to do, crown

[hic] ii , ,i just don n t kn ow wwh a t to do..”

Jack the Observer: “please stay coherent, mona.”

Little-K1ng: “i, , i m, t try ing,... ii h a ve t o try”

C R O W N: “It's alright :) can i speak with you? away from prying eyes?”

Little-K1ng: “I...”

Little-K1ng: “yeah

we can talk”

Jack the Observer: “...”

donti: “... be safe mona.”

llyr (they/them): “... stay safe”

Jack the Observer: “mind how you go.”

Little-K1ng: “ill be safe, i think. i dont think he could really hurt me like this”

Kate: “:)”

Jack the Observer: “:)”

Kate: “Everything will be alright. Don't worry your pretty little heads.”

Chat: “:)”

Kate: “:)”

donti: “.i wonder if the others are alright.”

Jack the Observer: “will everything come out alright? none of us can be certain.”

Kate: “Come on, don't be sad. Today's a joyous day! It's the first day of spring!”

Jack the Observer: “not even Kate, confident as they are”

donti: “ah. a very happy day.”

donti: “spring.”

Kate: “Why wouldn't everything come out alright? Family's coming home! It's time to have a good old fashioned celebration!”

llyr (they/them): “spring... is a very good season. it’s new beginnings, right? :3″

Kate: “Exactly! It's a time for new beginnings, to clear away the dust and sadness and coldness of winter and let the sunshine in!”

donti: “spring cleaning is. overrated.”

llyr (they/them): “haha.. you’re right...”

Kate: “Yes, but sometimes it's necessary to let beautiful things grow!”

#on:discord #by:marcus #by:knight #by:crown #by:baroness #if the crown fits #by:chat #by:kate

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tommyquackson · 4 years

Text

Not Working | p. parker | part 4

Not My Gif

summary: you and peter are together but maybe it’s just not working anymore

warnings: angst, depression, fluff cussing i think?

note: this was the final chapter and i loved this series. thank you guys for supporting it and showing it love. Make sure you request and read my other fics. ok love y’all enjoy!!!

this is Midway School of Science and Technology calling to inform you, you’ve missed 13 consecutive school days and if you miss 2 more you’ll be at risk of failing your courses and we will have to send police over to do a wellness check. We hope to see you in school tomorrow. Have a great day

So it’s been 13 days. You haven’t left your house in 13 fucking days. You’re beginning to smell yourself, you haven’t bathed or showered since the night everything went down. You just lay in bed, watching whatever black and white shows playing on MeTV at the time. You only eat about once a day, when reciting old life insurance commercials begins to hurt your brain. Your phone died a long time ago and you’re just now listening to the messages in your home phone.

You click delete on the message and let the next one play.

hey y/n, uh it’s Brad. Look i know you hate me but you haven’t been at school and nobodies heard from you so I just wanna make sure you’re okay. I do care about you and i wanted to say-

you roll your eyes and click delete again.

hey honey! Aunt May here, just wanted to let you know me and peter are safe and back home. I’d love for you to come over and have dinner on thursday, and don’t worry Peters visiting Tony so he won’t be here. Call me back or just show up okay hon. Love you bye.

Your hand dangled over the delete button before you sighed deeply. May never did anything to you, but how were you gonna pull it together enough to get to her. You were exhausted all the time, even if you never do anything. You looked at the time and date on your home phone and realized it’s Wednesday. You sigh deeply and pick up your home phone to call May.

ring ring ring

“Y/n! Hey honey, how are you?” Mays voice sings through the phone and for a moment the world seems a little brighter.

“Hey May,” You croak out, you havent spoken in almost 2 weeks and your throat hurts. “I’m not doing well May, everything hurts and I cant even get out of bed. I cant go to school, or eat or sleep or shower May I hate this. I hate it.” Your already raspy voice breaks into sobs and you wonder if she can even understand what youre saying.

“I’m on my way y/n, its gonna be okay. I love you and I’ll see you in 10 minutes.” May speaks strongly before hanging up the phone. You do nothing but change pajamas and grab a bag of chips before moving back into your bed and wait for May.

It’s not long before May is knocking and slowly opening your front door.

She looks at you with tears in her eyes before walking over and oulling you into a hug. It feels weird to have human contact but you dont pull away, just allow her to cuddle you.

“Lets get you a bath, I’ll help you wash your hair.” She smiles lightly before pulling you up and towards the bathroom.

You sit on the toilet while she gets the water and bubbles ready. Once its ready she turns away while you strip down and step in, letting your body sink into the hot water and lavendar bubbles. She immediately picks up water in a cup and pours it over your head, careful to not let it spill in your eyes, shes treating you like a mother treats an infant but you dont have the capacity to stop her. You sit in silence for a while as she brushes through the mats in your hair until you decide to speak up.

“May? Does he love me?” You croak out

She chuckles lightly before answering.

“When I first met Ben, I knew right away I loved him. He swept me away without knowing it. It was instant love, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. The way he looked at me made the world disappear and I knew it was the kind of love they write books about. The kind of love that turns rainy days from gloomy to comfy, turns blistering heat into warmth and fun, Ben turned everything into a fairytale effortlessly.

When you and Peter were in the 7th grade, and we threw him the birthday party, that youd planned most of, I remember looking at Ben and he was looking at me with the fairytale look. Ya know the one all the hot actors do in movies. Anyway, he was giving me that look and when I turned my head and watched you give Peter his present, I saw him give you the look, and you gave it right back it was precious. After that, everyday I saw you standing with Peter, he looked at you with the fairytale look, When he talks about you its with the same adoration he talks about Ben.

There is no doubt in my mind Peter loves you with every bone in his super body, y/n. You’re young and he can be a bit niave sometimes but he loves you unconditionally honey. You love him more than he loves you and he loves you more than you love him.” She stops brushing my hair and without a word begins washing my body with bodywash. I didnt even realize I had started crying until I saw a tear fall into the tub.

“I love him May. I feel like I need him to breathe, to live. I just dont understand how he could choose her over me.”

“Because hes a teenage boy and sometimes he doesnt think about what hw has, hes just like his uncle ben i’ll tell you that. You need to talk to him, maybe not now but soon, you need to tell him everything in your brain until its empty and your throat hurts from talking, and he will listen until his ears are sore from listening and his head hurts from understanding. Now, come get dressed and I’ll order us some pizza” May shakes her hands and drys them while handing you a fluffy towel.

She spends the rest of the night, telling you about this season of the Bachelorette while she helps you clean and do laundry.

“Thank you May.” You hug her as she grabs her purse to leave.

“Anything for you baby,” She kisses your head and wavees goodbye. You take a deep breathe and walkback to your room, plugging in your phone to charge.

After a few minutes it turns back on and slowly notifications start coming in, texts and calls and emails and dms from people and your old friends. You clear them all and head for you contacts, you find Peters name and decide to text instead of call.

peter

Hey

Can you come over?

hey, is everything okay?

I need to talk to you

Of course, I’m on my way.

You sigh and begin writing down everything you need to talk about, until you hear a knock on your window. You shakily stand up move towards your window, opening it and taking a step back.

“Hi” Peter whispers with his hands in his pockets.

“Hi” You whisper back.

“What’d you uh wanna talk about” Peter asks, slowly bouncing on the ball of his feet.

“Uh okay, um please sit. So um, as you probably know i haven’t been to school in a minute and uh that’s because ive been laying in my bed depressed and confused. May come over today and she helped a lot and she convinced me to talk to you about everything and that’s what i’m doing so I just need you to listen to everything in gonna spill out and i’m gonna do my best to make everything make as much sense as possible.” You look to Peter for confirmation and continue when he nods quickly.

“Okay uh first, I wanna say I’m sorry, for everything. For Brad, for ignoring you and yelling at you and for being a shitty friend. You were right about Brad and i’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, I just wanted so bad to be wanted ya know? I was feeling so insecure about you loving me that I ran to the first person that showed interest in me. I’m also sorry i basically ditched you guys for him, i just couldn’t look at any of you without feeling nearly sick. But i miss my best friends and I miss you Peter.

I’ve known since we were children that you were special to me. I always assumed it was one sided because I’d seen you go after other girls so i felt like there was no way you could ever love me as much as i love you, but I know now that you do, or did or do i don’t know but I do know that for me, you’re everything I need. We’re soulmates Pete, I can feel it. I feel deep in my heart that the universe made us just to be together and being without you would be to deny the universe herself and who am i? I need you so much when you aren’t around me i can barely breathe and a part of me is missing. I love you unconditionally and I always have.

What you did with Mj killed me, shattered my heart because I felt like once again, you chose her over me, your bestfriend and girlfriend and I hated that feeling each time I got it. The night i broke up with you I cried until my head hurt to much to stay awake, i felt stupid for thinking you wanted me more than her and I understood it. I looked at Mj and it felt like a no brained to pick her but it still never felt right. I know you didn’t mean it and we’re still so young peter. We’re basically kids trying to form a life long relationship and we don’t know what we’re doing. I don’t know how or what i’m going to do but I wanna be with you peter. I would have to take it slow of course but that’s where i’m at with us. So um yea.” You let out a sigh of relief of getting everything off your chest. You look away from Peter and wipe the tears that had fallen during your mini speech.

“I love you. I do. So much. Ever since our breakup i’ve been planning and wondering how to get you back. I felt lost without you and I never wanted you to feel less than. You’re perfect in every way y/n. You’re my oxygen and MJ is honestly just a friend. She could never make me feel the way you make me feel. We’ve got May and Ben type of love babe I swear we do. It was a stupid mistake but of you give me another chance I promise I will spend the rest of my life proving to you you mean the world to me and i will choose you again and again. I love you y/n and i want you to always know that.” Peter speaks through tears as he pulls your body close to his. He whispers how much he loves you against your temple as you break down and sob into his chest.

“Can you stay the night?” You whisper up at him.

“Will you let me take you out? Friday?” He looks hopefully at you. You smile lightly and bite your lip.

“Yes.”

“Then yes. I’ll stay with you” He kisses your forehead once more, before pulling you both under the covers to cuddle into you fall asleep to the beat of peters heart.

taglist: @cyrusandhiscollaredahirts @silver-winter-wolf @just4muggles @randomtrashpanda @sunshine-ybba @jin-hyuks @lovely-geek @jackiehollanderr @des0rbitadx @flowersgirl02 @eridanuswave @dear-selena @lavender-lovin @greatpizzascissorstaco

#tom holland headcanon #tom holland #peter x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker #spiderman x reader #spiderman imagine #brad davis #imagine

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mortuarybees · 5 years

Note

do u have any more good omens fic recs?

oh boy do i. some of them are fics that i have included in my fic rec tag so if you’ve been in that bear with me there will also be others. basically my preferred and only accepted genre of anything is “unbearably tender” and “aziraphale is extremely neurotic and crowley loves him anyway” it’s therapeutic

at some point im going to update the original reference post with like. all the amazing content ive come across since making it but until then:

one may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel by lumosity aka @femmeaziraphale aka my very best friend

they have started another fic intended to destroy my life in which hell wins the next round and divines a special torment for crowley pls read it and encourage them to finish it because they don’t believe me when i tell them it’s amazing and i am d e s p e r a t e for more.

“You know, you’re very familiar,” Aziraphale said, breath stinking of the sweet wine.

“Oh? I guess I look like many goat herders,” Crowley allowed. Aziraphale snorted, nudging Crowley’s shoulder clumsily.

“No! I mean that you just seem like someone I’ve known before,” Aziraphale said. Crowley felt that familiar ache in his chest. Suddenly he wished he was sober.

“I have a common face,” Crowley dodged.

“Say whatever you like, but I feel like we fit together quite nicely,” Aziraphale said, resting his head against the bark of the tree. Crowley took the opportunity to watch Aziraphale while he had his eyes closed. There were the same old blonde eyelashes against his cheeks, the one little drop of sunlight that formed a mole at the corner of his eye. Crowley wished to kiss his cheek only once. An apology for not losing. For not giving Aziraphale an eternity of listening to celestial harmonies.

wings and how to hide them by triedunture

Crowley's been annoyingly in love for six thousand years. What's another lifetime between friends? // if you follow me you’ve probably seen me post or quote certain excerpts a million times you may recognize it as His Body Is A Place And It’s Filled With Love.

He swallowed. So bloody awkward, staring up at Aziraphale like this, having his face held. Was he supposed to maintain eye contact? It seemed impossible. His gaze darted away.

"Keep your eyes fixed on me," Aziraphale admonished, giving his cheek a little pat. "Try to imagine, I don't know...slipping into my body the way you'd slip into a new coat." His smile was weak.

Crowley made a face. "Sounds grotesque."

"It isn't! Come now." His voice and eyes softened. "Please. Try."

Deep breath in. He would try. For Aziraphale's sake. "All right." He opened his eyes, held Aziraphale's plaintive stare, and pictured how it would feel. To be a part of Aziraphale. To be held inside him, to surround him at the same time.

To be loved.

hand in unlovable hand by courfeyrock (les mis solidarity)

“Goodnight, my dear,” he says, and Crowley swears, Aziraphale could call him my dear for six thousand more years and he still wouldn’t be able to get used to it. // it’s tender it’s bed sharing it’s “i love you in the human way” it’s quoting that unspeakable broadchurch scene its title is from no children by tmg; in short, it’s specifically designed to torment me.

Crowley’s head snaps around as if on a swivel. “Shall we… what?”

“Go to sleep? Normally I would love to stay up and have a drink or a chat but you see I really am exhausted and I--”

“Yes, yes, of course.” Idiot, Crowley thinks. I am such an idiot. "I'll uh, I'll sleep underneath the covers, and you can sleep on top." He waves his hand in a forcefully casual gesture that he hopes conveys just how normal it is for two platonic friends to be having this conversation.

everything just stops by witching

they are drunk and crowley wants to take a bath so he miracles one and they have. the most unbearable conversation ever fucking put to fiction literally returning to it to select one single quote was nearly impossible for me emotionally. god the tenderness the yearning!!!! “i like your silly aziraphale things”!!!!!!!!!! “i love you deep, angel”!!!!!! i hate it! just read it please i cant actually keep describing it or i’ll have to lay down for a little while.

“Are you –” the angel’s voice was hoarse, and he paused to clear his throat, “are you playing some sort of game right now?”[....]

“I am not,” Crowley whispered fervently, his face frighteningly close to Aziraphale’s. “Six thousand yearsss, angel. You’re a part of me, and I jussst – just wanted you to know, is all.”

Without warning, Aziraphale reached with both hands to pull Crowley in closer, forcing him to drop his own hand from the angel’s face. Aziraphale held him gently, pressing a single chaste kiss to the demon’s forehead, his lips lingering as his thumbs slid tenderly along his cheekbones, his fingers wrapped up in dark, dripping hair.

When Crowley responded not by recoiling, as Aziraphale had expected, but by melting against his skin and sighing contentedly, the angel placed another kiss on one cheek, then the other. He moved to kiss Crowley’s eyelids, his jawline, his chin, the corners of his mouth, all the time cradling Crowley’s head in his hands, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Crowley to rebuff his affection.

Crowley, ever one to defy expectations, continued to allow the angel to kiss his face to his heart’s content. It was only when he heard Crowley sniff and let out a pitiful whimper that he pulled back, looking at the demon with concern.

hard feelings/loveless by witching

Aziraphale said it was like the opposite of the feeling you’re having when you say things like “this feels spooky.” Crowley didn’t know what to make of that, but he expected it was something like the opposite of the feeling you get when the only person who truly knows you makes a cryptic remark suggesting that you can’t understand love. Crowley understood love all too well. // crowley. crowley can’t sense love bc he is so goddamn full of love that he can’t see past it he’s just so full of it that he can’t separate it from just how he always is c r o w l e y. also angelic/demonic mindmelding.

“What about - I mean, if that’s… love,” he struggled to get the word out, “then what’s this other feeling? The one that I’ve been calling love for all this time?”

“I don’t know,” Aziraphale said. “I can’t possibly imagine.” He didn't have to voice his surprise at the fact that Crowley had an emotion he called love. It wasn't that he had truly thought Crowley was incapable of such an emotion; he was deeply aware of the power and range of the demon's feelings. He simply hadn't thought that Crowley was in tune with his own mind enough to understand it in those terms.

“Can I show you?” Crowley blurted without thinking.

come as you are by punkfaery (explicit; trigger warning for body dysmorphia and disordered eating)

Aziraphale visits a modern art gallery, goes on a diet, and submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Not necessarily in that order. // this mugged me in an alleyway and ruined me emotionally for a whole night but like whatever. it starts with a mary oliver quote so idk what i expected

He dragged a kitchen chair out and sat in it, looking like he wanted to set fire to things with the power of his mind. He was probably angry enough to try it, too. Aziraphale moved a nearby copy of The Earth Compels out of the way, just in case. “It wasn’t really because of him,” he said. “It just made me realise, that’s all.”

“Realise what?”

Aziraphale swallowed. “That I’m not… quite as I should be. That you deserve better.” He lowered his head, feeling wretched. “That’s all. I’m sorry I didn’t say something from the start, but it seemed like a difficult sort of thing to bring up.”

Crowley’s face was indescribable.

“You thought I’d stop liking you because you’re not thin,” he said. His voice was utterly toneless. A muscle ticked in his jaw.

“Well, naturally when you say it like that it sounds – ”

“Seriously? After six thousand years of, of whatever you want to call this? After we literally saved the fucking world together?”

salinity (and other measurements of brackish water) by drawlight

It's an odd thing, getting on after the End of the World. Crowley takes to sea-watching. // michael sheen has read and recommended it. god. it starts with a quote from eros the bittersweet. it took me a full half hour to read past the first paragraph or so it’s so Much.

"I want to see you cook." (Something made from his hands. Something purely Crowley. Nothing pulled from the ether. Nothing sourced and given, no. Something made from his hands.)

He looks at his hands. Holds them up, splays them against the shale backdrop of his ceiling. His hands are always the same, day to day. They are clean but stained. His long and dawdling fingers, his bit of knuckles, his veins and tendons beginning to show a little more. Yes, more, he doesn't know the age of his body but he keeps it somewhere here, at indeterminate forty. There is a hangnail on the ring finger, there are stains of belladonna on the sides, on the rough spots.

Belladonna, that green plant sick with chlorophyll, sick with poison. Crowley is a gardener and he grows belladonna in his bedroom. He knows poisons the way Aziraphale knows the Dewey Decimal System. Yes, he knows them intimately, bent over his long counter, pulling the leaves apart, peeling the stems. Crushing the seeds. He knows not to lick his fingers after, that the leaves and berries are toxic to a grown man, that maybe even Livia had used it once, dripped into Augustus' wine. Not, really, that poisons would matter . It’s one of those little perks of the demon gig, that whole immortality thing. What can get at him; what can cut it short? Only holy water and other blessed things. (Aziraphale is an angel, made out of blessed things. Crowley does not know how it might be to kiss him, mouth to wet mouth. If holy water might burn him, what can he expect from the freshwater mouth of an angel?)

birds of a feather by idiopathicsmile

Aziraphale nests. Crowley relearns some crucial facts about angelic courtship rituals. // look....im weak for home decorating as proxy or metaphor for domesticity and familiarity and this trope is literally this. i die

“Demons definitely don’t court,” says Crowley. “They fuck sometimes, but it’s—I don’t know if you’ve ever seen anything about the mating practices of insects but it’s more—like that. There’s no guarantee all parties will come out in one piece. Never seemed worth it, frankly. I like my pieces where they are.”

Aziraphale takes this all in with a series of slow, horrified nods.

“Wait,” says Crowley, “what do angels do?” He’s never pictured angels engaging with each other at all, outside of maybe mandatory team-building exercises.

“They nest,” says Aziraphale.

Crowley waits for this to all make sense. “What, instead of fucking?”

“No,” says Aziraphale primly. “Not instead. It’s—it’s part of the courtship ritual. You have to be able to build a decent nest if you want to be seen as a viable mate—”

“Like birds,” Crowley repeats, disbelieving.

“Not like birds, birds got it from us,” shrills Aziraphale.

men have gone to heaven for smaller things than that by mercuryhatter

Aziraphale finds an age slipping away from him. // aziraphale and crowley attend robbie ross’ funeral, and aziraphale mourns the loss of the old circle. also there’s some brief dunking on bosie. i adore this fic with my whole heart

“Listen.” Aziraphale took Crowley’s elbow and dragged him out of earshot of the funeral, releasing him under a nearby tree. “It’s not that I’m not glad you’re back. Remember that, because I’m about to be very short with you, but it’s not that.” He raised an eyebrow questioningly and Crowley nodded.

“That being said.” Aziraphale took a deep breath. His voice was shaking slightly and he tried to press it back to steadiness inside his throat. “You will not get near one more human under my charge this decade, are we clear?”

“Angel–” Crowley started, surprised, but Aziraphale cut him off. Fury was bubbling up inside of him, bright and brittle and with a deeply-buried thread of exhaustion that he couldn’t afford to think too long about.

“No.”

where you stay i will stay by mercuryhatter

at the hundred guineas club, men went under women’s names. aziraphale went by naomi and he paid! to keep ruth free! for crowley!!!! while crowley slept! it stopped my tender heart

“Let’s see. We all know Victoria, of course. Betsey, Henrietta, Georgiana, Chastity, that’s rich, and Temperance too, particular friends of each other, I imagine? A few Elizabeths, not particularly creative… oh.” Crowley nudged Aziraphale until he peeked up from his place hidden in Crowley’s sweater. “Aziraphale.”

“No, dear, I didn’t put that one down.” Crowley huffed in fond exasperation.

“No, honey, you put Naomi.”

“So I did.”

“And… I don’t see a Ruth.”

“No,” Aziraphale sighed. “No, I paid them an extra hundred pounds a year to hold that one for me.”

“For you or for…”

and this isn’t a fic but another essay that means the world to me, making an effort: queer (trans) masculinity in the ethereal & occult beings of good omens by elegantidler and irisbleufic

#henry speaks #good omens #fic rec #ineffable husbands

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