I have thought on Jadzia Dax from Star Trek Deep Space 9.

I'm currently rewatching the show (midway season 2), probably my 4th watch through over 8 years? My first time with slightly more youtube-essay-driven media analysis skills. I'm enjoying picking up on a lot more things than I used to but there's one thing that bugs me above all else.

Jadzia Dax doesn't really have a strongly defined character that shines through.

I've spent a while thinking about it. Obviously as a science officer its a little harder to tell stories the audience can understand and relate to compared to Odo's murder investigating or Sisko's exasperated diplomacy, but her stories have issues greater than that.

Both the stories centred on Dax, in season 1 where she stands trial for a crime supposedly committed by a former host, and in season 2 where someone tries to steal her symbiont, are about things that happen to Dax. Not the things Dax does. She is neither the perspective character through which we can see the world of Star Trek, with her own unique views and feelings, nor is she the one actively moving the plot forwards. She's either the victim who sacrifices herselr or quite literally refuses to do anything. Unfortunately this is quite a common failing of writing that's easy to fall into, writing about a character instead of the character making decisions that drive the plot. Its one that sci fi writing at the time seemed to do quite often with a lot (but not all) female characters. Ivanova and Talia from Babylon 5 fall victim to this too, especially in early seasons. In contrast, Major Kira, and even Ezri Dax later on have stronger characterisation and are the centre of their own stories.

I doubt this was intentional, its clear through the successes of writing other characters in the show that the writers, actors, and showrunners are trying to make everyone alive and meaningful, so what went wrong?

Looking at Jadzia Dax's character, I think what's clearly missing is a strong drive for her character. No real desires or vulnerabilities. No questions either. To provide constrasting examples:

Odo (who gets almost too much screen time in season 1) is clearly driven by a sense of justice no matter whatever starfleet rules say. He's in constant conflict with Quark, ever vigilant, somewhat isolated from other people. No one ever asks "Why does Odo do what he does?" His motivations are clear, and they even tie it up with an extra motive that's very plot relevant: the mystery of where he comes from. All things a single episode writer can use and explore.

Major Kira has her own conflict with starfleet, her desire to do right by her own people, to get justice for Bajor, and always stand up for the underdog which creates really good stories as she struggles with her own values and constantly has to make choices that affect the story.

Bashir wants acclaim, accomplishment, romance, and also for everyone to like him. Quark wants profit without putting himself at risk. O'Brien wants to just do his job and go home to his family. Sisko wants to hold everything together with the responsibility of peace and reason on his shoulders while singlehandedly raising his son. Jake wants community, friends, and freedom in his life. Funnily enough Ezri Dax has far better drive. Trying to figure out what she wants in life, handling this enormous change and overwhelming personality, and her own lack of confidence that she's useful to anyone sometimes. She grows and changes more over the course of a season than we ever see in early seasons Jadzia.

What does Jadzia Dax want?

I think in attempting to make a wise 300 year old person who's seen everything, they accidentally wrote themselves into a corner. Jadzia has no strong motivations to do much at all. She does fine as a secondary character, and I love how her friendship with Sisko plays out on screen, but beyond being surprisingly enlightened about a lot of things as the result of age and experience there's no drive there.

And so no drive or motivation, and no stories told from her perspective. We have ourselves a problem.

I thought for a while if I could find a solution to the issue rather than just offer criticism. I originally tried writing an outline for an episode. Jadzia would be a fantastic protagonist for any wacky sci fi short story concept that required a scientist to explore, such as time travel paradoxes, simulations, weird space anomolies that do "plot relevant thing" that she would be perfectly posed to actually explore instead of "technobabble and tap console" until the problem is solved.

Then I decided that all we really needed to have a framework any writer could use is to establish a strong character motivation for her. Here's my shot at it.

Jadzia Dax, in harmony with seven lifetimes of experience, is an extremely competent twenty seven year old woman. She can almost certainly do the job of anyone on the station better than they can. Fix a computer? Better than O'Brien can. First aid? She's there and solved the issue before Julian can get there. Solve a murder? A past host was an invesigator of course she can to Odo's chagrin. She has better ideas of what Sisko can do to bring the Bajorans towards the federation. Hell she's the best representative of federation values on that station and could constantly be presenting that of the story.

Dax struggles to hold herself back when she sees her friends failing at what she can solve the problem for them. She tries not to, that's what her training tells her to do. But out here on the edge of Federation space where there's constantly lives on the line? She finds herself interfering in other people's work more and more often. She just doesn't want it do be done wrong. She pushes herself hard to do too many jobs. She doesn't sleep or eat enough while telling everyone else to take care of themselves better. After a while people start relying on her. It turns from her helping to her having those responsibilities. Pilot. Diplomat. Linguist. Researcher. Mechanic. Leader. So much emotional support for her friends because everything they're suffering she's been through herself. It becomes too much for her and you could make the core of one story her just crashing. Learning how to balance her experience with giving room to other to shine through and solve their own problems, which they're very capable of doing. There's plenty more detail to elaborate on but I think this gives a core drive and conflict that lasts a character a couple of seasons at least to explore and grow through.

I happily invite thoughts as to whether my original observations are astute, or wether you think there aren't any problems with how Jadzia's passivity plays out in the show. If you think there are problems, do you think my perscribed solution helps fix them? How would you go about it?

i won’t hold people to the same standards i have on myself in terms of friendship bc everyone shows they care in different ways

👑🩰MOVIE THERAPY👑🩰

-In this post, I want to mention the lessons I learnt from two beautiful movies - Queen and English Vinglish. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND these movies!!!! Both the movies start with women who are timid , stuck in their past , trying to please others , lack self love , dependent on others but in the end they become independent, confident and develop self love. Isn't that wonderful ?

Let's start from Queen movie starring Kangana Ranaut, Rajkumar Rao and Lisa Haydon. It's about a girl named Rani who was dumped by her fiance and she decides to go on honeymoon, all by herself

1) If they leave you, it's not the end of the world.

Rani's fiance dumped her just before the wedding, ofc she was heartbroken and locked herself in room . After that she decided to go to honeymoon, all by herself! She went to the same place where she was supposed to go after her marriage - Amsterdam , Paris . I know it hurts , when a close one , whether it's your fiance , boyfriend, girlfriend , best friend etc leaves your side with/without any reason. As once a wise women said , you lose people who aren't meant for the best version of you . Even if they leave, you have to enjoy your own company and continue with your own life . Vijay aka Rani's fiance cancelling the wedding was a blessing in disguise . Also if they left without any reason or if they were just embarrassed by you , they didn't deserve you at all .

2) YOU ARE COMPLETE ON YOUR OWN

Yes , here is a spoiler from the movie , Rani doesn't end up with any new guy or gets married to her ex fiance. Infact , she becomes independent and free. You are whole on your own. You are complete on your own , you don't need anyone to complete you. You are a queen/king and will always remain one ! You can be happy on your own. You don't need anyone or their approval.

3) Have fun with friends , don't judge each other

Rani met VijayLaxmi , Olexander or ( Sikander🐵) , Taka and time. Their friendship was perfect example of "opposites attract " . However , despite the differences, she never judged them because she knew they were good human beings , deep inside .

4) A make over is never a bad idea !

A makeover can make you feel confident in yourself. The way you present and take care of yourself also shows how much you love and respect yourself. So wear a pretty pink dress and straight your hair or maybe curl them , whatever you like ! Also REMEMBER YOU ARE DOING IT FOR YOUUU!!!!!!!🧁💖

5) Step outside of your comfort zone

Why?? You don't grow in your comfort zone. Rani stepped out of her native country and tralleveled all alone to a country where she was supposed to go with her ex fiance. Remember Great things never come from comfort zone.

6) Free yourself

Be independent. Love yourself. Respect yourself. There is a scene in the movie where Rani rejects her fiance when he comes back while they play a beautiful and meaningful song in background . That scene represents Rani's walk of liberation. Rani finally became independent, learnt to love herself and be her own person !!

7) " Thank you " - Rani, Queen 2013

Rani thanks her fiance when he comes back to her. No, she doesn't take him back . She finally realized that if he didn't cancel the marriage, she would have never become her highest self which was confident , full of self love and independent. It was truly a blessing in disguise. Say thank you to all those hurtful past experiences, those experiences made you wiser. Say thank you to all the people who left you at your worst because they made you realize that you only need one person and that's YOU !

Lessons learnt from English vinglish , starring Sridevi . It's about a woman named Shashi who didn't receive any respect from her family peers for not knowing English. She was also timid and often mistreated by her daughter and not appreciated enough by her own husband.

1) Step out of your comfort zone

Shashi went to New York inorder to attend her sister's wedding but she couldn't speak or understand English. She went to a country where she didn't know how to communicate with anyone. You must get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

2) Turn your weakness into strength

Shashi was mocked by her own family for not knowing English. She took English classes and learnt English. She was committed and determined to learn English so she succeeded . She gave a meaningful speech in English too which shocked her daughter and her husband whereas some people were proud of her - her little son , her other cousin Radha , her English teacher and class peers. Later , her family also felt bad for mistreating like and they developed respect for her . Also please respect your parents , don't humiliate them for not knowing something or anything. The scene where Shashi cried because her daughter disrespected her were so painful to watch .

3) Don't allow others to degrade your hobbies / Job

Shashi was never appreciated for her being good at making sweets and her buisness was going pretty well but she never got the appreciation she deserved and was degraded by her own husband for being called " entrepreneur ". If you like something and if it is beneficial to you too , then don't care what others are saying , even if it's someone from your family.

3) Self love

Shashi summarized it in few words which hit hard so I will just end this post with her quote

" When you don't like yourself, you tend to dislike everything associated with you . New things seem to be more attractive , but once you start loving yourself , the same old life begins to feel new and good "

-Shashi , English Vinglish , 2012

god,,coworker johnny is so fucking good yo i like the fact that you made it clear that his peak weirdness comes out when only you can see it. the first two months with you working together being largely…cordial? no, maybe distant? maybe not in proximity (the guy is practically glued to you at all times), but it almost seemed like he only ever wanted you to see him in one certain way. framed and perfect and wanting. it just seemed, artificial, almost. that might be the word. even back then, you compared his interactions between you and your other coworkers, you could only barely understand that something was off. it was never like he was unfriendly to you, i mean, there were times he’d have casual diagreements with others, his voice dipping low with disapproval with a momentary frown. strangely, despite everything, it kinda relieves you, seeing that johnny can be so normal, but only ever sometimes, and never with you.

no, with you he’s almost too friendly. so friendly that it’s uncomfortable. only ever sweet, so sweet its bordering on sour. in a way, you were convinced that he was just being fake around you, at least before the whole “fleshlight incident”, but not now. not anymore.

its a real shame, because id imagine reader would really like johnny otherwise, as a true friend. he’s sincerely so fun and endearing to everyone else he comes across, you’ll sometimes find him in the break room conversing with a few of your other employees and he’s so genuinely funny and normal, even you tended to enjoy hearing his conversations with others in the background. but then he’ll realize you’re in the room and his eyes change. not just that, his whole posture morphs into something taut and tense; ready to pounce. it has you discreetly shrinking away, trying to get his searing gaze off of you. when it comes to you…theres an air of fevered wanting that only chokes you the more you breathe in.

lmao idk ive just had friendships in the past that were ruined by male horniness so im probably projecting a bit too much and u can ignore if i am but,,,personally im intrigued by the horror of knowing something potentially so meaningful and pure, something that seems to be easy for everyone else to have (true male friendship), has been effectively roadblocked because of lust. good and addicting in the moment but devastating in the long run like a cigarette 😭

HEHHEHEEHHE I’m reading this and rolling around on my bed and giggling, this is exactly the vibe. Poor reader because he really is such a fun guy to everyone else like people aren’t all WRONG in their opinion of him, he really is an excellent coworker. Good sport, funny guy; lends a hand whenever someone needs help. He helped Jeff move, drove Daryl to the airport, looked after Sonya’s cat while she was away.

but yeah :\\\ dude is severely compromised by lust when it comes to reader. Perverts all his good intentions, even before he comes out and says that he’s into her. Every single conversation is manufactured, artificial, kind of masked under his own delusional belief that they’re dating or whatever. He does genuinely like you, it’s just kind of buried down deep, not super important until you’re actually his.

dating them includes !

pairing: skz x reader genre: fluff warnings: none ©yyx2

chan! late nights. led lights. hushed conversations. lap sitting. sharing earbuds. bear hugs. stealing his hoodies. sneak peaks at what he’s working on. night drives. movie dates. having a best friend and boyfriend in one. shy kisses.

lee know! mukbangs. cat play dates. teasing. going on walks together. reading to each other. back hugs. subtle hand holding. movie marathons. actions over words. constant updates by text. teaching you choreography. forehead kisses. random competitions.

changbin! soft smiles. cheek kisses. domestic shopping trips. encouraging words. cuddling on the couch. lots of laughter. working out together. making you laugh all the time. sweet pet names. lunch dates. kissing in the rain. dancing in the kitchen late at night.

hyunjin! playing with his hair. surprise kisses. soft caresses. multiple sketches of you. you’re his muse. helps you with whatever he can. sleeping in. spa nights. deep conversations. aesthetic photos. picnics. cooking for each other. intense eye contact.

han! laughing until your stomachs hurt. lazy days in bed. clingy affection. pulling all nighters. stupid nicknames. random items that remind him of you. binging shows. matching items. sharing food. horror movies. always has his head in your lap.

felix! spontaneous facetime calls. playing with each other’s fingers. ‘cheer up brownies’ from him. walks in the park. sharing clothes. friendship bracelets. swinging your linked hands. fluffy blankets. quality time. baking together at 3am. encouraging words.

seungmin! early morning walks. your personal photographer. bouquets of flowers. cheesy jokes. strolls on the beach. meaningful gifts. plushies. cuddles by the fireplace. halloween couple costumes. cheek poking. card games. praising each other.

i.n! matching outfits. lots of couple photos. cafe dates. neck kisses. headpats. playlists dedicated to you. play fighting. mini adventures. candid photos. iced americanos in the mornings. lots and lots of hand holding. borrowing his hoodies.

New Turtle getting her thoughts out

I was looking for a bl recommendation and saw that The Untamed was everyone's favorite couple. Then I read that it’s censored and that nothing actually happened and was about to skip it but both lead actors were so attractive, I just had to give it a try. I loved the show. I waited till the end to look up the actors cause i was afraid their modern look would interfere with how i view them. They were just as cute irl. I watched the 9 minute video on the boat, saw their chemistry and knew I was gonna get hooked with my obsessive self. By going down that rabbit hole I found a whole separate love story that was somehow less censored than the one they were acting in. 

I’m sure they weren’t expecting people to get so hooked on their own personal relationship and i bet it wasn’t easy seeing their every move dissected and fans projecting their own desires onto this pure thing that is THEIRS. But, they glow together and it’s hard not to look. It's a privilege to witness and I hope they understand this and forgive us. I could write a whole essay about this point. They radiated pure love, affection, admiration. With all the dark forces in the world, chemistry like theirs reminds you that good things can happen too. That there is true beauty too. Magic. I think they were also in awe of what they found. That type of connection isn’t something you come by everyday. I’ve experienced similar relationships before, it makes your life so much richer. Anyway, what makes me think it’s romantic?  

I’ve never had that much energy for someone that I didn't have a crush on. Always trying to be near them, always teasing, flirting, staring. My friend worked with a married guy once who used to playfully hit her and told her “i hit you cause i can’t hug you”, kinda creepy i know, but watching them i could help think of that. The desire to be close. I could list all of my favorite moments but you guys already have. I actually like this one. Maybe I’m reading into it but Yibo seems legit angry and not his usual smiley self when he’s around gg. Look at him with that intense blank stare, and gg doesn’t know what to do with himself lol. Then they fight (i wish they camera would have stayed on their faces) and break the tension. This is the only time I’ve seen them like this. I remember watching that and thinking 1) oh they are close close if they’re fighting like this 2) this seems unprofessional get it together boys lol.

I try to be rational and tell myself that just because i can’t relate to that level of interest towards a friend, doesn’t mean that it’s not possible. Truth is, on some level i kinda hope for their sake that it’s not romantic. As much as I love romance, romantic love is fickle. Nothing is much stronger and meaningful than true friendship (I’m projecting here cause my bestie is my soulmate and my most meaningful deep relationship). Plus the idea of being a gay Chinese celebrity sounds like HELL. Just to imagine the levels of paranoia they would have to deal with. Someone hacking their phone, the government possibly listening in on their conversation. Jesus. That would put so much stress on a relationship. Plus, they are both so freaking busy. Anything is possible through and from the side they definitely looked in love.  

Whatever they are, I hope they are still close. I feel like the more successful they get, the lonelier it can get. In my imagination it’s part of what connected them in the first place. They could allow themselves to shine brightly in front of each other cause the other person was just as beautiful, just as charismatic, just as bright, just as confident. There was no need to be humble or walk on tip toes around each other. They were so real with each other and that’s hard to find for anyone, especially celebrities who have to deal with things that most people can't relate to. I would imagine they know this and don’t take it for granted.

I love the end of Untamed cause i love an open end. We know enough. We know their characters, we know they love each other, we know they meet again and now we get to imagine what that would look like. Same with Yizhan. I love not knowing. I didn't enjoy the press & interviews as much, i didn't like seeing their bond capitalized. I'm so happy their relationship, whatever is it, is now only between them.

Chreon is so underrated. The way their relationship could be so DEEP and meaningful and healing for both parties. I'm in my feelings tonight god damn.

I went through this like last week or someshit, where I just got slammed with Chreon feels and had to go lie down for a bit.

In DSC, Leon geeks out at Claire several times about how it's so cool that her brother is in STARS, and he must be really smart and dedicated and all this other stuff, and it's so goddamn cute. Imagine if the two of them had actually gotten a chance to work together for a period of time before everything went to shit. Babby Leon all starstruck (no pun intended) and Chris, being Chris, would almost definitely take the dewy-eyed rookie under his wing. 🥺

So much potential for a traditional romance story between them, with Leon just crushing hardcore but not wanting to screw up their professional relationship -- until it finally comes out that Chris's affections for him in return are less than professional, as well.

But even apart from that, with the way they've actually been written -- Hunnigan basically says it was love at first dork between those two.

Though, that's only like. Half of the story. There's no way of knowing just how long Leon and Chris had actually been friends before meeting face to face. They first canonically spoke all the way back in 1999, so for all we know, they could've had a long-distance friendship not unlike so many other people do via the internet. (Can u believe that me and @godtier have never met irl but we have been staples in each other's lives for over 15 years?)

I would really like to see RE become self-aware about the relationship they've built between these two -- because I don't think that the writing staff over at Capcom is consciously aware of certain things that have been set up and implied between the two of them. I don't think they realize that they've been writing these stories to show Chris as trusting Leon more than he trusts Jill, in some ways. I also don't think they realize that they've shown Leon to be consistently comforted by Chris's presence.

I'm not saying that Capcom should make Chreon canon -- I know that they'd sooner let Leon canonically marry Ashley before so much as suggesting an actual romance between Leon and Chris -- but I'd like to see some acknowledgement of just how deep their friendship seems to run.

But on the headcanon-y side of things, if only the two of them were also more self-aware and were at all the types of guys to actually, like. Think about their own emotions a little bit (as opposed to not at all). How much better off would the two of them be if they were cognizant enough to spend nights together in a way that matters?

Just a quiet night with the two of them together on the couch, not really watching whatever's on TV because Leon is falling asleep while leaning against Chris, who has one arm slung lazily around his shoulders so that his hand dangles uselessly against Leon's arm. Chris knows that he's going to eventually have to make the decision to either drag Leon's sleepy ass to bed or lay him out properly on the couch -- assuming that he, himself, doesn't fall asleep right there along with him.

Anon I want to fuckihng die why did u do this to me

I figured out why we’re all so terribly shaken over the ineffable divorce. I don’t only speak for myself when I’m saying that we are ACTUALLY distressed, and that this is - for many - a unique experience, even for those who have spent time in numerous fandoms cheering for romantic couples.

I think it’s the relatability. Sure, both Azi and Crowley are celestial beings, but not really. They look like real, imperfect people and they stumble around each other in ways very familiar to most of us. I notice how we analyze both their actions, but often identify with Crowley.

Why Crowley? Well, he was cast out of Heaven for asking questions (I’m gonna assume the Tumblr crowd knows how being chastised for questioning things feels). Then, as he wandered the Earth mostly alone (we know that feeling too), his only meaningful relationship was the only other guy who seemed equally misplaced (didn’t we all grow up as the class freak, who - maybe, if we were lucky - had that one friend who wanted to hang out no matter what?)…

…And then, as we grow into adults, still misfits, we become used to judgment, to people leaving. We’re too much, we don’t behave. We often go into various forms of hiding, hoping the world will leave us alone. We shy away from people.

We might find that one friend. Partner. Lover. Colleague. Classmate in uni, whatever, it doesn’t matter. We’ve spent years closing ourselves off, but this person opens us up. It seems so easy with them, and we start trusting them, slowly letting them in. We’ve all been there, right?

…And then they choose something else. Not in the “drifting apart” sense, but in the “actively choosing something else over your relationship” sense. Perhaps they stole your idea at work and thought nothing of accepting the praise. Perhaps their partner doesn’t like you and so, you’re out - even after years of friendship. Perhaps they dump you via text despite living with you, to run off with someone from work. Perhaps they shared that deep, dark secret you finally dared telling them, and now everyone knows.

Whatever it was, it turned your idea of them on its head. Made you question everything they said and did, if they ever were who you thought they were. At the same time, it ruins your trust in people in general. If this person, who you thought cared for you as much as you did for them, could stab you in the back like that… then anyone could.

We are, collectively, Crowley. The freak with that one important relationship with someone who chose to abandon him. We can discuss what’s really going on, sure - but this is what Crowley FEELS.

I think this got to me personally because I recently quit a job due to ethical reasons. The boss was my best friend, who made terrible choices affecting both me and everyone else in the workplace. They chose selfish gain over everything else. It shattered my view of them, of people, of myself. I lost half my life in one resignation.

I am Crowley. Just like you.

Boynextdoor dynamic, please?

idk if you mean group or member x member so imma just do both

7ofS, Ace of Swords, Strength

group dynamic: alright so, some members are definitely closer than some others but they seem to be in the beginning stages of being friends? as in, getting to know and accept each other more. i don’t get any bad vibes but rather that before debut they could have had a few arguments and tense situations due to the stress & pressure that came with debuting. which is normal of course, some members personalities could have crushed here and there. though right now they all seem very accepting and chill. they are definitely just trying to fit in and have a fun time, the energies turned a whole 180 after the stress from needing to debut wore off. their friendship will pretty much grow stronger as time goes on, it seems like a meaningful bond.

sungho & jaehyun: two friends who don’t need to know a lot about each other in order to be close, they can emotionally rely on each other and have a deep rooted respect for one another. reminds me of two cats. they also seem to have a lot of trust in each other.

sungho & riwoo: they seem to be almost polar opposites, enough to have a few none serious arguments here and there. their personalities and at some places their values as well seem to differ quite a lot from one another. i don’t see much negativity aside from tension, they seem to agree to disagree more often than not. but for now, they could get along better but neither has the desire to try.

sungho & taesan: they seem to both be really hardworking people who get caught up in the things they are doing, focusing on doing well, appearing as perfect as they possibly can be so on camera they might not seem as close as they actually are in real life? i think off cam, in their personal lives where they have time for themselves and to rest they enjoy spending it with one another and spending it as they wish. talking, playing video games perhaps, going outside together and just doing whatever. they seem to have a really good bond.

sungho & leehan: the first thing that comes to mind is ‘give and take’. they might get along very well with each other because they do what the other doesn’t want to and know they will get the same in return. so their views and attitudes in certain aspects seem very much similar which gets them to get along really well. though, they could still bicker a lot sometimes, over small things.

sungho & woonhak: they seem to have a very much brother like relationship. i don’t think they hate or dislike each other but they might have a lot of arguments or bicker a lot because their personalities crush. sungho seems to be a person that is more mature and might unknowingly nag others out of good intentions, which woonhak could know but regardless still feel annoyed because he feels bossed around or perhaps even rushed to do small tasks when he would rather rest. although if the other is in an argument or being unjustly accused of something they will take each others side. ‘hey, only i can be mean to them’ kind of feel.

jaehyun & riwoo: for now they don’t seem to be super close but still seem to admire each other from a distance. not literally of course, there just seems to be a fear of opening up to one another. for riwoo it just seems to be the fact that he has a hard time to talk about his feelings and thoughts unless the setting is right and as for jaehyun he seems to think riwoo is really cool so naturally he wants to riwoo to think the same way of him. though, not that he would admit that. they will have a pretty special bond along the line, they will grow very close to one another.

jaehyun & taesan: they seem to be pretty close, and get along quite well. however it seems like in one of their eyes they are too close, although I am not sure which one of them thinks so. one of them seems to be clingy and very fond of affection while the other isn’t used to this at all. they might have grown up in an environment where they haven’t got much affection or just have a rough childhood, possibly surrounded by conservative adults. so this is a relationship that needs a lot of patience even if there’s love.

jaehyun & leehan: this seems like a ‘bros for life’ kinda thing. have you ever seen ‘our roaring 20s’? it reminds me of that. they seem to argue at times, both have strong personalities and might even be stubborn but at the end of the day they aren’t mad at each other for any longer than a few hours. they always have each others backs too, no matter what might happen between them and they seem to have a deep sense of care for one another. supportive and accepting and exactly because of that they don’t really hide any parts of their personality from one another.

jaehyun & woonhak: honestly there is not much to say here aside from them getting along well. woonhak might really look up to jaehyun a lot and see him in this really optimistic light. someone who knows what they are doing and is in control yet still isn’t distant, someone he has a very easy time connecting to. so like a safe place? a person he can be comfortable with, and jaehyun possibly views him the same way. they seem to look at each other as brothers for now.

riwoo & taesan: they seem to be really close with one another which is either because their love languages are very similar or fitting with each other. I do think personally they have a lot of fun with each other but when it comes to work there could be some jealousy. not over any minor things but things such as x wanting a line but y gets it. so work wise they have less chemistry, but their personalities don’t clash too much. it could get a bit awkward when they are alone though since neither of them know how to take the lead or one might be more independent and comfortable in specific environments than the other.

riwoo & leehan: these are the two that might not get along that well just yet. riwoo seems to have a very straightforward, direct and strong personality and way of communication while leehan seems to have a soft and gentle heart even if it might not seem like it at times. i do think that riwoo could often upset leehan without intending to because they have very different views on life and how words can effect people even. it’s something they need to work on. although as they grow and mature their relationship will pretty much improve.

riwoo & woonhak: this seems to be a really sweet and caring connection. woonhak might look at riwoo as someone that is really cool and knows what they want in life. ‘a cool hyung’. he might also look at him as lonely due to being misunderstood so much, so he could feel sorry for him at times. they seem to he distant emotionally however riwoo seems to be at peace and calm whenever he is around woonhak. he might feel like pressure of everyday life is off his shoulders and he can just be himself.

taesan & leehan: alright for now they don’t seem to be that close to each other but that just because they are both introverted and nervous to be the first one to open up. i do think after they stop being shy around each other they will have a really strong, healthy and happy friendship. no negative vibes, they just seem shy.

taesan & woonhak: they seem to get along really well and have a bunch of shared interests, maybe even hobbies. for now they are working on becoming closer to one another because they both wish to do so. so maybe these days they spend a lot of time together, or starting to!

aaaand that’s all.

disc.; this post took quite a while so if there is any mistakes I apologise.

– Candy

just saw a take so irritating….. a post waxing poetic about how tommy is kind about buck being nervous and gentle and patient with buck’s rambling and willing to just listen and that makes him perfect for buck etc etc….. soooooo eddie? that’s literally what eddie does in canon?? why is this fandom suddenly kicking eddie to the curb and pretending his friendship with buck is just surface level coworkers and the last 5 seasons don’t exist, but his relationship with tommy is this deep meaningful built up thing where tommy is the perfect guy!! why are they making eddie’s personality and the way he treats buck all about tommy instead ahhhhh i’m going mad

Honey, something I learned is that people who wobblify Buck, make him this baby who has never done anything wrong in his life and needs to be protected and cuddled, don't really see Eddie for who he is. They wanted Buck to be in a grumpy/sunshine relationship so bad they made Eddie this broody, uncommunicative, bad at love person that's just not who he is, and now they can project that into Tommy while making Eddie seem like a horrible friend to justify jumping the ship when Eddie has done nothing Buck love Buck since he met him. Eddie was repeating Buck's facts back to him 2 episodes in, we have MULTIPLE instances of Eddie being the only person paying close attention to Buck while he rambles (I actually have a set on that that I keep forgetting to finish), and yeah, Eddie is more teasing about it, but it's not like Eddie is ever mean about it. I think there's a portion of the people who are this aggressive about Buck and Tommy are just grabbing on to whatever m/m couple the show puts in front of them, and look, not saying I'm anti Buck and Tommy, I'm sure I'll enjoy Buck stumbling through this is this whole first queer romance way, but if you put me to vote "new guy who makes Buck flustered" vs "Buck's literal partner of years", I'm not voting Tommy, yk? Eddie has proved over and over how much he loves Buck and you can even argue that the way Tommy knows how to defuse/reassure Buck before the kiss is because of things Eddie told him, because we don't see Buck with Tommy alone besides the hangar and no one would catch on with Buck's abandonment issues that fast. Love that Buck seems to be in a romantic relationship with someone who's kind to him, considering his past, that's a HUGE win, but they have been building Buck and Eddie for 6 seasons, to say they're not it for each other is just wrong. But honestly, you should protect your peace and blog the tags. You can even block words so if people are bad at tagging you still won't see it, and just block and move on, is what I'm doing when I see a take that makes me realize me and someone fundamentally see the show in too different ways. The blacklist and block buttons are your friends.

I have a question

But I really want to ask just from a writing standpoint, no ships or anything

Do you like Izuku and Ochaco's development as possible (or probable? idk where Hori wanna go with that) romance?

Cause I appreciated it (even tho it felt like the usual shonen romance) till the return of Izuku to UA, which made me see them more as platonic (and made me appreciate their bond way more tbh)

So from a writing standpoint, I'm not exactly a romance aficionado. It can really only come down to my preferences in what I like in a romance, but there are just some cheesy romance tropes I'm not into. I do think it's perfectly viable to analyze any relationship in any property, MHA included, for whatever dynamic you want. If you ask me to take a look at the potential romance in Izuku and Ochako's relationship, I can do that.

That said, this is a warning to hard-line IzuOcha shippers: I can't guarantee you'll enjoy everything I write about in this post.

To me, there are five major "sagas" in their relationship. Some of these I like, some of these I don't.

Saga 1: Beginning through the Internships Saga 2: Final Exams through Kamino Saga 3: Provisional License Exam through School Cultural Festival Saga 4: Joint Training Arc through Paranormal Liberation War Saga 5: Deku Retrieval Arc through to the present

Saga 1 was my favorite. This was when they were still getting to know each other and becoming friends. I like this part best because Ochako has the most characterization in the show. Her personality shines through and she's very entertaining. I also thought the stuff that happened between them in the Sports Festival was some of the most refreshing writing of opposite-sex characters I've seen in a while, platonic or romantic. Ochako has personal motivations that can be in conflict or in harmony with her relationship with Izuku, and the manner in which they interacted showed a special type of relationship for Izuku that he didn't have with any other character. It was nice variety in the context of everything else the show was giving us at the time. I wasn't necessarily dying for romance, because I do love a good platonic opposite-sex friendship too. But if it did take a romantic direction, I was excited to see how it went at the time.

Saga 2 just felt like it shoehorned the crush thing in there. It didn't really come from anything that came before it. I thought it was gonna be a good opportunity for some romantic humor, but it just turned out to be a bunch of embarrassed blushing and not much else. Wasn't really my thing.

Saga 3 tried to add something interesting to the mix with Ochako's jealousy which she tries to deny and squash, but...it doesn't come across as particularly deep or well-developed. Horikoshi kinda just throws it out there and then immediately ditches it. I wouldn't have been so annoyed if it didn't encompass all of Ochako's character for this saga. She didn't really do much of anything else at all. Even in the Overhaul arc, she didn't get any meaningful spotlight, and I mean this from an action perspective. After the awesome action she got in the Sports Festival, Horikoshi really pulled back on her and it felt like he was too afraid to make her get dirty and fight again, save for a brief moment when she pinned Toga in the woods at summer camp. I liked it better when Izuku was pining a bit after Ochako than the other way around.

Saga 4 was a bit better. There was finally some meaningful development between them with Ochako getting inspired to update her costume, saving Izuku as a development of her new character question of "who saves the heroes?", and--my favorite part--when she decides to trust Izuku when he says he can take Shinso on alone and she goes to take care of business elsewhere. But I notice these developments I like also happen to have non-romantic elements to them. It's really just when things are one-dimensionally romantic that I'm super disinterested. I like the complexity of other feelings even in their easy friendship. Platonic friendship that leads into budding romance brings at least a bit more flavor in the writing. That said, it's not a whole ton of flavor. I can see why other people would like it, but it's not the MOST exciting for me personally.

Saga 5 is again more exciting to me because of the non-romantic elements, kind of like you say. It's not that it's necessarily platonic, but it's just more interesting that Ochako's feelings seem more complicated now, and Toga has been added to the mix too. What we get in this saga especially puts me in a weird position where I'm rooting for Izuku and Ochako NOT to get together in the end, not because I don't like them or have a problem with the ship, but because it makes the overall story about their relationship since the beginning..."make sense" isn't the right phrase. It's just an interesting take on the trope in this genre. I really like the message it could potentially deliver on. I'm just not a big romance person in the first place, so the whole "there are even deeper things happening between people than just high school crushes" angle that doesn't necessarily mean romance speaks more to me. I don't really know what we get out of them getting together if that happens. But, as I said, I'm not big on romance to begin with, so I'm not the best judge of this. It could be we get a great message out of it and I'm just really bad at being able to see that at this stage. I will still be forced to lament what was lost in that case, though--because we would lose the far more interesting take on the trope if they were not to get together.

And that's why I say I'm not anti-IzuOcha, just anti-IzuOcha in canon. I think they're cute together and I really love their earlier dynamic. I think the fanart of them is cute. I love when they get along doing things. I love when people create excellent fan content for their favorite pairings. I just most like the idea of an ending where they don't end up together for the purposes of my own intrigue.

HAPPY NEW YEAR DEAR FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS !!!

I can't believe this year is already over, it went by way too fast. Here's to another year of writing angst, fluff & all the smut on this dash and making new friends across new fandoms. I cannot wait to write and get to know more people in 2024. But I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for my forever besties that made me want to come back to tumblr this year. So thankful for them today and everyday. They know who they are but is that going to stop me from babbling about them? NO never! so...

Here's a toast to my real friends, they don't care about the he said she said:

@leagueofdccm/ @serpentblccd/ @crimebabe : Cheers to many more nights of gossiping about our past failed friendships and sending funny insta stories back and forth. For the deep meaningful conversations at midnight and to the millions of plots for our millions of muses past, present and future. Cannot wait to write new stories with you and watch your little family grow. Love you with all my heart.

@perfidiouswonderers / @serpentsprince : Here's to many more wonderful conversations at all hours of the day and night. To your witty humor that makes my day and to the sarcastic love and comments that cheer me up. I'm excited to see what 2024 has in store for our friendship. love, love , love you so.

@princedickhead / @goldenboybarracuda : Here's to many more book adventures this year, to fangirling over Blondie (and clowning over her rerecords). To the many conversations we have throughout the night. To writing more with our babies on here and anywhere we can, cause I adore you and your boys very much.

@pinkxperfectionisms / @inventedxred : Cheers to getting closer again this coming year, much more than we did this year. Getting to reconnect this year has been a joy and a half. So happy I get to call you a friend and get to write with your wonderful muses that drive mine crazy (in the best possible ways).

@perfectioncursed : Here's to another wonderful year of our beronica story that continues on year after year. Though the series is over, my love for you and Betty will never quit. Happy to know such a wonderful caring person, and get to call you friend. Here's to many more nights writing together and causing chaos only we know how too.

And to all my new and old followers this year who I have connected with, written with, sent memes too or whatever...heres to getting to know you better in the coming year. And hope I get to write with and love your characters as much as you love them. There are so may wonderful writers that come across my dash that I would absolutely love to get to know. Hope everyone has a safe and wonderful New Years and I get to love everyone into the New Year!! 💋

How to Survive the End of the World

Here's the thing, over the course of our lives, our worlds will end multiple times. More often than we'd like, and sometimes more often than we think we can bear.

(breakups of all kinds, deaths, lost jobs, lost housing, medical diagnosis, big global things that hit right in the personal, you name it)

The world will end, and we will still be there, in the smoldering aftermath, short of breath and bewildered, perhaps wishing we had not made it through. But we have. So what now? I'd love to hand you a set survival guide that applies to any world ending situation. But there isn't one. Or if there is, it has been hidden from my knowledge (feel free to share it, if you have been gifted with such a treasure).

But. But. I can share with you the things that have helped me pick up the pieces and get to know who I am in this freshly born world. This list is not complete, and it cannot speak to everyone. But any pieces that do resonate for you, please take them and leave what doesn't. 1. Stop trying to go back to Before. You can never be who you were before that world ended, because now you know the aftermath. Trying to force yourself back into the person you were won't get you back what you yearn for about that past self, but it will deepen that hole of grief.

2. Get to know who you are now. Instead of comparing and contrasting, be curious about who you are now, examine the ways this change has transformed you. Seek out what brings you pleasure in this world, let yourself feel whatever emotions are there painful and sweet alike. Note the things you're yearning for.

3. Find new ways to get your needs met. Often a world ending cuts us off from coping skills and sources of joy, security, and comfort that were integral to our lives. This loss can be the thing that sends us clamoring to try and go back, even if the world before was not that great to us. Mourn the things you have lost, but don't treat losing a source of something as losing the thing itself. For example: If you've lost a close friendship and one of the things you cherished was how much you laughed with that person, find new ways to laugh, new people to laugh with. Just because that connection is gone doesn't mean this new world will never ring with laughter.

4. Use this as a chance to clean out your metaphorical house. Over the course of our life journey, we'll pick up all kinds of shit that's helpful to us. We'll be gifted things, or inherit them, and slowly our home will fill up with stuff. But some things aren't meant to stay with us forever. A world ending can be a really good time to pause and rifle through all the shit we've collected (both real and metaphorical) and ask ourselves "does this thing bring me joy/serve me/feel good/feel like myself? Or is it part of my past?" This can be as literal as going through your wardrobe and donating, repurposing, or tossing clothes that no longer feel like you, or as metaphorical as recognizing a behavior pattern that used to keep you safe now makes your life harder.

5. Be in community. When the world ends, it can be tempting to retreat to ourselves, to find our metaphorical cabin in the mountains and wash our hands of the world believing there's nothing there for us. Solitude can be healing, can help us reconnect with ourselves and what we want, but we cannot stay there forever. Isolation will not keep us from being hurt. But building community, cultivating deep meaningful friendships, family (chosen or raised), and partnerships (if we want that) gives us the safety net we need to cross the tight wires of life again. Life can hurt. In ways that permanently change us, in ways that we never expected. But life will not hurt forever. You can survive the end of the world. You will survive the end of the world. More than likely, you already have. I am so glad you are here.

Every time I rewatch some episode of Boueibu HK I wonder again how the staff even planned this season. Like. Almost nothing meaningful happens with the characters

TLDR the characters with the most developement in HK are the monsters

Kyoutarou is there as a complete contrast to Yumoto while keeping the battle speeches so his characterization doesn't make much sense. Nanao is mere fujoshi bait. Taiju and Taishi have random bits of dialogue that hint at possible arcs for s2 but not enough to tell us what it really is. Maasa has an unfinished arc in his episode, where supposedly he's putting fatty butter in his cookies to make everyone else overweight because he resents Ichiro not defending him when they were little, but then his friends tell him it's fine and then he can move on??? This would work with Ichiro's theme of not wanting to be immature or dense anymore, except they only ever used this theme as a gag (misunderstanding the meaning of whatever the others have said) or to straight up humilliate him (ep4) and continue treating him like a stupid baby. At the end of the season Maasa and him have made peace somehow and that's it. Ata gets in my opinion the closest thing to a complete arc, even if it's just staring angrily at Kyoutarou for ten episodes, then explaining his problem while fighting him and finally getting his apology and reconcilliation. At least it's something. And poor Ryouma is just there to be the butt of a few jokes about how he lets Nanao and Kyoutarou use him, be in a couple of cute shippy scenes, and also for Ata to completely dismiss him from the flashbacks to the point where if they had first met in high school nothing would've changed.

The relationships barely have developement either. Love had anime episodes and manga chapters dedicated to the different close friendships solving their conflicts and becoming closer. There were also many instances of seeing how close the Hakone brothers-defense club and Beppu brothers' relationships were, and even though they didn't have any conflict between themselves, they made them strong sides for the final fight. Yumoto didn't get a character arc but through the entire anime he was revealed to be strong, considerate, forgiving and mature, willing to kindly befriend the Beppu twins for his brother but not let them walk all over him; contrary to how he was presented in the first episodes, like a stereotypical magical girl protagonist. Anyway in HK there's no meaningful conflict between any of them besides Kyoutarou and Ata. Taishi and Ichiro argue constantly but don't show to genuinely like each other after all like IoRyuu or EnAtsu did. Ichiro and Maasa never make any progress to be together again, Maasa hints once at liking Taishi and nothing comes from it, and Nanao and Taiju have the most artificial friendship in the cast that I just do not understand. They just ran an ice cream shop once with again unexplained success and make sassy remarks at each other ever since. And I guess Karurusu and Furanui had a bit of developement thanks to Kyou and Ata in ep12. Idk about the aliens, this time it's like they didn't do it completely well but also not as bad as with the rest of the cast. Maybe bc they didn't appear as much as the humans in most of the episodes

I'm realizing now that a few of these complaints are related to Nanao acting weird

Idk where to put this but I'd like to point out Kinshiro's principles of halting the fight with the Battle Lovers as soon as he finds out that the s1 conflict was set up for a reality show and actively defending them from an attack because they're Binan students, despite still not having received his apology from Atsushi. Ata might've done the same if the HK finale's events had gone in the same order (travelling to Honyalaland to fight Wao, then Kyoutarou apologizing to Ata), but he doesn't feel as a character as deep as Kinshiro in that sense bc they didn't really show him to be in other ways.

Love feels more like an actual group of people while HK feels like they were filling in friendship group roles or something

Anon wrote: Hi, I’ve been reading your blog and so far it was very helpful for me. I am an infj and I’ve realized that I don’t do things for the sake of myself. For example, skin care or basic chores. I can of course motivate myself if I frame it like “if you don’t do your skincare, you’ll look bad in front of people”. And then I would do it of course. But I don’t want to do anything for my own sake. I have a good morning routine of 3 habits that I do regularly, but after that, I don’t want to do anything. I think I am stuck in pleasure-pain worldview.

I’ve read your post in which you said that self-development should come from a place of love and care for ourselves. Even though I’d like to think that I love myself, my actions tell me that I don’t. I understand that following this path won’t bring me to good places. But if don’t care, what do I do?

I can expect that you’ll say to utilize Fe, but I don’t have good close friendships to lean on. For over a month I’ve been inviting my friends to meet and spend time together, but out of 6-7 people nobody had time (or desire) to meet me. I meet people at the uni and talk, but these aren’t close relationships. I am trying to figure out a trajectory out of this, but I get into a loop, often reading your posts lol. I woke up from years of thinking that I’m doing great when in reality I had poor social skills and was basically isolated. I do well on weekdays, but weekends get tough.

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You say reading my blog is helpful for you, then you say after reading you get into tertiary loop. Doesn't make much sense. I don't really follow your reasoning. Who is the one afraid of looking bad? Who is the one seeking pleasure and avoiding pain? Who is the one feeling isolated and seeking companionship? It is you, isn't it? You are the person directing all of this thinking and behavior… and for what? For yourself. For satisfying your needs, desires, and goals.

As far as I can tell, it is indeed true that you don't do things for the sake of your SELF (you may also call it "Spirit" or "Soul" if you want). When one does things for the sake of capital-S Self, one's decisions are motivated primarily by integrity and well-being. Such decisions can sometimes feel difficult, but one knows that the long term costs of denying the Self are exponentially more difficult. Everyone already has within them the necessary tools for proper self-care. Anyone can, at any time, get in touch with the Self and allow it to lead them toward a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

But if you're not doing things for the sake of the Self, what are you doing things for then? Short answer: Ego. What are you? Are you and your ego one in the same? Do you identify as a weak, broken, or flawed person? Do you identify as a special, exceptional, or underappreciated person? All of these labels relate to ego. Whatever superficial label you identify as, when you are confronted with evidence to the contrary, the ego reacts negatively. Ego is about propping up a false self-image, protecting and defending it against violation, and constructing the kind of life that is necessary to validate and justify its continued existence.

When you are identified with ego and do things for the sake of protecting the ego, you are actually choosing a solipsistic, short-sighted, and superficial way of life. It is solipsistic because the ego knows nothing beyond personal comfort and desire. It is short-sighted because the ego is too easily distracted and led astray by immediate pains and pleasures. It is superficial because the ego only reacts to symptoms and has no deep insight into the root cause of problems.

Propping up a false self-image comes at the expense of your integrity and well-being, and it creates cycles of self-sabotage. As long as you appear okay on the surface, who cares about the deeper truth, right? Wrong. How is Ni supposed to be healthy, i.e, to have a clear vision and set the right aspirations to strive for in life, when you do not prioritize the truth and do not always act in service of the truth? You can't be a person of integrity and live a life of integrity as long as you can't face down the truth about yourself.

What is the truth about you? How did you get to the point of living in total denial? The truth is that you have unfulfilled needs? The truth is that you didn't really want to be aware of your unfulfilled needs because you were afraid of the change that would be required of you to fulfill them? The truth is that this deep-seated fear kept you making poor decisions that led you away from proper self-care? The truth is that it's hard to feel motivated to care when doing so would interfere with denial?

My blog is meant for people who are ready and willing to change, so maybe it's not appropriate for you. Are you actually ready when you're still claiming that you don't care? Someone who truly "doesn't care" doesn't have any will to live. They would neither seek change nor ask for help. Your actions indicate that you do indeed care. But because you care more about ego than Self, you don't get good results. This leads to a sense of failure that erodes motivation.

When people say they have trouble caring, they're telling a lie of sorts, but they cling to the lie because it's an ego defense mechanism that helps numb the pain of unfulfilled needs. Apathy just masks a deeper emotional problem with boredom, fear, disappointment, depression, hopelessness, helplessness, powerlessness, or even anger. But apathy cannot hide the truth of your neglected needs forever and it, too, will eventually become painful. No one can make you care, convince you to care, or beat you into caring. It is a choice you make when you finally realize the alternative path of spiritual death is far too painful to bear.

Like it or not, human beings are cooperative and social creatures, born with the drive to connect and care. Denying your true nature only leads to despair. It's good you're starting to recognize the real extent of your isolation and the need for more connection. While I appreciate that you're trying to learn from others through my blog, beware of misapplying ideas. Someone else's solution might not work for you when your underlying problem is different from theirs.

Many INFJs suffer Ti loop due to poor social skills. But different INFJs are bad at socializing for different reasons, so have you figured out what YOUR reasons really are? You seem to lack self-awareness probably due in large part to poor emotional awareness (something to work on), so you still haven't gotten to the bottom of what's really ailing you. It's very important to grasp the root cause(s) of the problem before you try to apply a solution, otherwise, you could end up with a string of negative results that only exacerbate apathy.

You need more connection, but when you try to connect with people through ego only, the relationship dynamic only ever revolves around the ego's many insecurities. The lower the level of ego development, the more insecurities a person tends to suffer from. Many people are at low levels of ego development and it means they're not "relationship-ready" because their insecurities too often become obstacles to connection. While the majority of people out there are decent humans, decency isn't always enough to make a person a great candidate for a close relationship. The question is: What makes a great candidate and are you one, with the ability to spot and attract other great candidates? Even when you meet the right people, you'll always have a hard time forming close relationships as long as you're not relationship-ready yourself and haven't properly addressed why.

What is the best way to fulfill the need for more connection? For most people, it is through interpersonal relationships. However, what you have yet to learn is that the most important relationship you need to attend to first is the one you have with your Self. Only when you are emotionally connected with your Self and honoring your spiritual needs can you have the right frame of mind to form meaningful connection with others. When people are emotionally connected with the Self, interpersonal relationships get easier, because the most sensitive and vulnerable parts of them are freed up to love and be loved wholeheartedly. The kindness, empathy, and perceptiveness that is needed for socializing successfully come out much more naturally when the Self has been released from the constraints of ego and its compulsion to control. Are you ready and willing to let go of the pretense and denial and finally allow your authentic Self to come to the fore and lead the way?

Have you looked into QPRs/Queerplatonic Relationships? It’s kind of like that!!!!!

yes i know all about them! i actually have a lot of thoughts about this so strap in bc we're in for a long one.

for me personally, i dont think its really necessary to distinguish a platonic relationship where you live together or do other "marriage things" from any other kind of friendship. some friendships are closer or last longer than others and thats fine, so i just dont see why i would need a different word for it? like, every description of a qpr ive seen is different from a regular platonic relationship in up to 2 ways: 1. its "deeper" or "more meaningful" than regular friendships (implies that friendships cannot be as deep or meaningful as a marriage, which i reject) and 2. you do things together that regular friends dont do (but who says we cant do those with all of our friends? why can you only break these rules with one special person? when does it go from a slightly unconventional friendship to a qpr? idk doesnt really make sense to me). im sure those distinctions matter to some people, but i just dont really find them useful

and the deeper issue here is that society has drilled into us that we need to have one person that is The Most Important, that we rely on to fulfill all of our relationship needs. this is the concept of "amatonormativity": the idea that everyone needs to settle down with someone into a traditional monogamous relationship, and that no other relationship is as important or fulfilling as that one. and i just dont subscribe to that kind of hierarchy (for me personally! obviously not telling anyone how to live their life. your relationship boundaries and labels are your business). like im already throwing out the idea of a traditional marriage by not wanting a sexual relationship, so may as well throw out everything else i dont like while im at it. i dont think the person youre having sex with has to be the person youre closest with in the world, i dont think the person you share finances with has to be the person you primarily rely on emotionally, i think physical and emotional intimacy should not be reserved for sexual relationships, and i think every relationship fulfills a different role and combining them all into one Ultimate Most Important Relationship- FOR LIFE- isnt always a good idea. whether its a marriage or a qpr or whatever else.

and honestly i think the main reason this viewpoint is so uncommon (well, aside from the fact that most people dont really examine what theyre taught about marriage and monogamy and the way things "should" be) is because of jealousy. i totally understand the desire to be The Most Important Person in someone elses life, to feel wanted and needed by someone that you love. and finding out that someone youre very close to also relies on someone else definitely stings a bit! but just because something makes you a little upset doesnt mean that its actually bad. i think everyone should have lots of people to rely on outside of their partner, and people they trust just as much or more than their partner, and i think we would all be a lot healthier and happier if we accepted that and got rid of the traditional hierarchy of "everyone must come second to your spouse, because your spouse should fulfill all of your relationship needs, and if they dont then theyre a bad spouse"

like. sometimes people who are very good for each other are not compatible sexually. why shouldnt they fulfill those needs elsewhere? (IF theyre both okay with it. im not condoning cheating, im talking about unconventional relationship boundaries that are mutually agreed upon.) sometimes people who love each other do not agree on how a household should be run. why should they move in together just because their relationship has reached a certain stage? why should someones long-term friendships suddenly become less important to them once they get into a romantic relationship?? all these rules are made up! i reject them all! relationship anarchy!!

and just to be clear- im not saying that traditional monogamous relationships are bad. if you want those kinds of relationship boundaries, where one person is the most important to you and your relationship is very exclusive, more power to you! but that isnt the only option, and its frustrating how much our society devalues friendship in favour of marriage. i mean, even people who dont want a romantic relationship needed to define something thats MORE than "just friends". because friends dont get married. friends dont sleep together. friends dont raise children together. those things go beyond "just friends". but i say screw that! friends can do whatever they want together! i love my friends a lot and i refuse to be confined by what friends are and arent "supposed" to do together. and its a shame that you really only see these kinds of unconventional relationship dynamics in the polyamorous and aro/ace communities. everyone should question what they know about relationships and how theyre supposed to function, and decide for themselves what kind of boundaries work for their specific relationships. at least thats what i think