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yayakoishii · 8 months

Text

Want | Sanji x Chubby! Reader

Fandom: One Piece

Pairing: Vinsmoke Sanji x Chubby! Reader

WC: 5.5k

Genre: Fluff, slight Angst

Warnings: Sexual harrasment, derogatory terms for chubby people, mentions of blood, insecurities that lead to a bit of light self derogation (Please remember you're absolutely beautiful as you are <3)

A/n: The response on Hunger is insane. Over 700 likes?! I didn't expect much beyond a few 10-20 likes, thank you for all the love 😭 This is another self indulgent fic, more personal to me because I'm chubby myself so... I'm not super proud of the pacing tbh, but it's still pretty good, in my (biased) opinion, haha. I hope you enjoy it!!! ♡

also available on ao3!

When you joined the Straw Hat crew, you didn't expect to fall in love with the blonde chef.

Actually, when you joined them, you weren't in the mindset to think about love and silly crushes. Your island had been destroyed by the Marines for a 'good cause' and despite the Straw Hats' best attempt, you were the only remaining survivor. Luffy kindly offered you a place on his crew, and you joined as an assistant to Chopper, slowly learning from him.

The first few weeks after you joined were tough for you, who had never travelled outside of your island. It took time to get used to the environmental changes along with the emotional grief of losing all your loved ones. The crew tried their best to cheer you up in their own ways, and you would forever be grateful for every one of them for at least trying, even if their methods weren't the most effective for you. It was the thought and the sentiment behind it that counted.

But what did work for you was… food. Ever since you were a child, you had loved food and it was the way you connected to life. Though you were not the greatest cook out there, you were capable of making things that were edible and quite good at times. On the ship though, you never had to cook, because Sanji would always do all the cooking. Whenever you offered to help, to take your mind off the pain you were feeling, he would kindly decline, saying that he would make you whatever you wanted.

But he couldn't. The dishes from your island were not recipes known quite to the rest of the world. Hell, even you didn't know all of them, save for some of your favourite foods that you had learnt from your mother. So you snuck in after dinner and made a dish from your hometown. It wasn't the best food you ever cooked, but it still meant something to you, because you were reminded of home.

You wrote down all the recipes you knew into a book, and kept it close. Whenever you missed your home, you would sneak into the kitchen at night and make yourself something with your wonky cooking skills that made the dish taste different every time. Still, the familiarity was enough to comfort you and let you wallow in the grief at the same time.

Until one day, you couldn't find your book.

"Nami?" You called unsurely to the navigator, who was lying on the deck under shade next to Robin. Behind them, Sanji was serving drinks. The three looked at you in question and suddenly under the scrutiny, your confidence faltered. "Um, uh.. d- did you see a journal somewhere? I can't find mine…"

"The brown one?" She asked, pushing her sunglasses up into her hair. You nodded frantically, hoping she knew. "I don't think I did. Did you check under your bed?"

"I did," you whispered, feeling the sadness wash over you again. It's not like you didn't still remember the recipes, but your memory wasn't the best. Without the book, it would be hard to remember them all.

"Don't worry, we'll find it," Nami got up and reassured you, looking concerned. "Sanji. Robin."

The two of them nodded along and then the four of you were searching for it everywhere, until Sanji had to excuse himself apologetically because he had to go cook lunch. You could only nod, trying not to get down in the dumps again over a book, but it felt a little hopeless. Until you heard Sanji shout from the kitchen. The three of you ran over to find him scolding Luffy, your journal in his hand.

"I just wanted to see what was in it!" Luffy pouted, his rubbery hands swinging around to try and get it back.

"That's an invasion of privacy, Luffy!" Sanji looked angry, but you were too relieved about the fact that you had found the book to get upset with Luffy.

"It's okay," you said, reaching forward to get the book. "It's just… recipes, Luffy. From my hometown."

There was silence in the kitchen for a few seconds and Luffy's face dropped into a serious look.

"I'm sorry," he said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "I thought… If I knew how to help you, you'd be happier."

It made you laugh softly, your heart warm at his kind intentions.

"Thank you, Captain," you smiled at him, eyes crinkling into crescent moons. "I am happy here. I just… miss my home, sometimes."

He wrapped you into a hug and Nami ruffled your hair a little. You smiled under the attention, holding the book close. Sanji for once was quiet, just staring at the book thoughtfully, though you didn't notice it then.

A few days after that event, Sanji called you to the kitchen before lunchtime. Curiously, you followed him to find… a plate of your favourite dish from your hometown. It was plated beautifully, making it look fancy and yet it still had that homey feeling to it. Sanji didn't say a word, just held out the chair for you to sit. You sat down in a daze, too focused on the smell of it lingering in the room.

It smelled like home.

And when you tasted it, you burst into tears. Because it tasted like home. It tasted exactly like your mom's. All the tears you had held back to not worry the crew were now spilling out without any end but you didn't care. Here, where only Sanji could see you, you let it all out. He didn't say anything, just placed a gentle hand on your shoulder and squeezed to let you know he's there for you. You turned around to face him, but the tears made it all blurry. Knocking your head against his stomach, you cried harder.

Sanji just held your head, carding fingers through your hair in comfort, offering you a handkerchief. That, you realised later, was the moment your feelings for Sanji began.

✿

After that day, you became a lot happier. Somehow, without words, just eating the food that Sanji made was enough to heal your broken heart bit by bit. Sometimes, he made extra because Luffy was curious and wanted to taste it too; and then the whole crew wanted it so Sanji made a few of your dishes for dinner. In that moment, surrounded by the smell of home, around your new family, your heart finally started healing.

You started noticing Sanji everywhere after you got used to life on the Thousand Sunny. From the small things he does, to the loud expressions of love he made, everything about him seemed wonderful and warm to you. Because you knew that beneath his overt affections for all the ladies, he was an infinitely kind, caring and observant person. How were you supposed to not fall for him, when he went above and beyond for you?

And yet, for all his admissions of love, you never believed that he could truly like you back like you felt for him. You were after all, not the prettiest girl around and you knew that. You were not slim like Nami or Robin, and it's not like you absolutely hated your soft and squishy body. But you wondered if Sanji would like you even though you weren't pretty.

All that self consciousness went out the window every time you were in his presence. He never made you feel less, or ugly– in fact, the way he spoke to you always left you a blushing mess. He made you feel special, and in the moment, it would be enough. Until you saw him fawning over Nami or Robin, and then the sneaky voice in your brain would whisper quiet thoughts comparing you to them. You had no chance with him, and you knew that.

And that was fine. You could live with that, couldn't you? You had to, because wanting more than you should never ended well. All it would leave behind is rejection, hurt and awkwardness. So you pressed down the feelings and acted as normally as you could.

The moment you realised that you loved Sanji was probably a memory you would never forget. Although it was unforgettable for you, it probably wasn't particularly that unique to others. That didn't matter to you because it was a memory you cherished ultimately.

It happened when the ship docked on a peaceful little island. Everyone else was going out to enjoy their time, and you wanted to spend that time with Sanji. So, casually, you made your request.

"Sanji?" Your timid utterance of his name got an instant reaction from the chef, who straightened up and looked at you with hearts in his eyes.

"Yes, (y/n)-chan?" He asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Um, you're gonna go grocery shopping, right?" You had seen Nami complaining while handing him the money for the shopping.

"That's right," he leaned closer, almost too close but not quite into your personal bubble. Still, the proximity was enough for you to smell the mild smell of his perfume that left you a little weak in the knees. "Did you want me to get something for you, sweetheart?"

"I just," you hesitated, suddenly scared that he might realise your feelings and get disgusted. No, Sanji wasn't like that, you had to remind yourself. He would never treat you unkindly, even if he knew your feelings. "I heard you always do it alone. I thought you might enjoy some company?"

The hearts in Sanji's eyes disappeared as he stared at you like you were speaking gibberish for a few seconds. Under the intensity of that stare, you fidgeted and waited for his response.

"You're too kind, (y/n)-chan!" He finally cried, holding up your hands in his own bigger and colder ones. You flushed at the action, stammering out an actual gibberish response this time before you were whisked away by the blonde chef to town.

It felt all too much like a date to you, when you walked next to him. Sanji somehow made grocery shopping fun, or maybe that was just because of how much you liked him that anything with him was enjoyable? It didn't matter, you decided, because whichever it was, you couldn't deny that Sanji was equivalent to the sun on a cold day.

He enthusiastically showed you around, as if you were a tourist and he were a guide (when in fact, it was the first time in this town for both of you) causing you to giggle. Whenever you stopped to buy things, he would humour your curious questions on how to pick which vegetable and what cuts of which meat are the best. It felt awfully like a domestic date, one that made you smile when you imagined doing this with Sanji years down the line every week.

"And that's the last of it!" Sanji said happily, picking up the last bag. He was holding all the bags since the start, despite your insistence and now you were anxious, seeing him hold so many bags in his hands.

"Sanji, let me hold a few," you tried again, hands reaching out to take some of them. But Sanji just turned around so you couldn't reach the bags and grinned down at you.

"Nonsense, how could I let such a delicate lady hold such heavy bags?" His words made you flush in embarrassment. You were not delicate in any sense; surely, Sanji knew that too. And in spite of all his sincerity, the word just felt like it was mocking you.

"I'm… not…," you struggled to say, not wanting to argue but unable to keep it in either. With your chubby frame, no one had ever considered you as delicate.

"Let me do this for you, my love," Sanji's voice was soft and infinitely gentle, as if he was indeed holding something fragile in his hands. "I wouldn't feel good letting you carry anything when I'm more than capable."

"But Sanji!" you lightly whined, wringing your hands. "I don't feel good letting you carry all the burden either! Come on, just a few bags?"

Before Sanji could respond, you heard a scared squeak. Your brows furrowed and you looked around the marketplace, finding a man cornering a girl a few feet behind Sanji. She seemed uncomfortable and he was all in her personal space, saying something in a rough, sleazy voice that gave you shivers.

You were not a fighter, but the instinct to protect her overtook the rational part of your brain and you crossed the distance to where they were. Pushing him back, you stood in front of the girl to block her from him.

"Can't you see she's uncomfortable?" You said coldly. "Back off."

The man took an involuntary step back until his eyes fell on you. He reeked of alcohol and smoke and you felt like puking from the putrid stench coming off him but you held it together, trying to come off as more confident than you felt. His eyes roamed over your body shamelessly, and you felt dirty and uncomfortable from the action.

"Don't get in our business, fatty," he grinned, the smell of alcohol doubling the moment he opened his mouth. "Are you jealous that no one will ever give you the attention she's getting?"

The words stabbed you in the gut, even though you knew rationally that you were better off without the bad attention. That was the one perk of being conventionally average in looks– no one really looked at you, in good ways or bad. Or maybe you had just been lucky so far. But hearing him call you that, saying those words, even from someone like him, it hurt a small part of you. Before you could respond, a leg in black slacks came up and kicked the man down with such a force that everybody around paused, shocked by the sudden action.

Even you stepped back automatically, gasping when you saw that it was Sanji, still balancing all the bags perfectly while he had roundhouse kicked the man into the ground with so much force that you could see his teeth had become bloody and he was on the verge of unconsciousness.

"(Y/n)-chan doesn't need the attention of sewer rats like you," he said calmly, straightening back into position smoothly. "Her beauty only deserves the best of the best."

The sight of Sanji saying that with a calm face, his hair slightly tousled, his hands balancing the bags and his leg muscles rippling under the slacks – that image was imprinted in your heart and brain for the rest of your life. The words sent you into a shock, but when they finally processed, you couldn't deny the overwhelming realisation that crashed into you.

You love Sanji.

It wasn't just a silly crush, or something that could go away if you gave it time. The chef had unknowingly carved himself a place into your heart. He was taking over it, chamber by chamber.

"Sanji…" The word came out as a whisper, inaudible under the din of the market as people were talking about what was going on. You snapped out of it when you felt the girl behind you shuffle and you immediately squashed your thoughts down to examine them later. You turned around and asked her, "Are you okay?"

She looked very alarmed and upset, but she still shot you a grateful smile as she murmured, "Yes, thanks to you two."

"He didn't hurt you?" You asked, hands hovering over her as you looked to ensure if she was safe. A peek of crimson caught your eye when she raised her hand to rub her face. Her elbows had scraped against the rough brick wall in his tousling. "You have some scratches!"

"Oh," she turned her arms to look at the wounds, now feeling the burn after the adrenaline and fear response was receding.

"Come on, I'll treat it for you," you offered, opening your sling bag which had some emergency first aid. You usually carried it around for the members when you were off the ship, knowing that they were all too reckless to give a second thought to any wounds.

"Oh, no, no, I couldn't trouble you more!" She said, mortified but you gently shook your head, offering her a hand.

"It's no trouble," you reassured her. It took a little bit of convincing but she eventually calmed down and let you clean up the wound before you parted. Finally, you allowed yourself to look at Sanji, who immediately schooled his features so you wouldn't see the warm adoring look he was giving you the whole time. "Sanji… Are you okay too? You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

"Do you think I'm that weak, sweetheart?" He smiled teasingly, but you felt the need to defend yourself.

"I know you are strong," you insisted, worrying your lower lip as you tried to look him straight in the eyes but kept getting flustered. "But even strong people get wounds. Just because they are strong, doesn't mean that they don't feel the pain. So tell me honestly, Sanji. Are you hurt anywhere?'

"No," he promised. "But if you're that worried, I'll let you check me all out back on the ship."

He ended that with a wink, and this time, you couldn't hold back the flush threatening to overtake your face again. Sanji couldn't help making the mood light again, but he had no idea of the effect his words had on you.

"Stupid," you weakly pawed at his arm, walking away before he could say anything. The blonde chef just laughed and followed you, face once again soft and fond as he watched you.

✿

Sanji may have been one of the only people onboard who was oblivious to your feelings, because a few of them did figure it out after watching the way you interacted with him. The first ones to realise were Nami and Robin, who called you out on it when the three of you were lying under the shade on the sunny deck.

"Really?" Nami had scrunched her nose, eyes critically analysing Sanji as he walked (danced, really) back to the kitchens after serving drinks to the three of you.

"Really what?" You asked, too busy sipping the cool drink to notice that she had noticed the way you had warmly thanked Sanji and given him a bright smile.

"Sanji?" Nami gave you a pointed look. The name made you freeze, and you tried to play it off.

"What about him?"

"Oh, come on!" Nami threw the slice of lemon that was on her drink. You caught it before it could fall on your shirt and muttered an indignant 'hey!' that the navigator ignored. "You like him, don't you?"

The words were enough to make you hide your face in embarrassment. Robin was smiling knowingly from the other side of Nami and you felt exposed, like they had both just turned you inside out.

"I do," you whispered after the few minutes of silent mortification that Nami had spent in self satisfaction.

"Why that loser though?" She said without any real bite. You knew she wasn't actually demeaning him; it was affectionate, in the way one would talk about their sibling's lovelife.

"Because!" You whispered, eyes running everywhere to check if no one else was around to hear you. "Have you looked at him? He's literally so pretty! He is kind, caring, and so, so thoughtful and generous. Without expecting anything in return, he is always giving and giving and he makes my stomach do silly things. He has curly eyebrows, Nami! I didn't think those could look good on anyone. Hell, I know I would look ugly with them, but he makes it work! It suits him, and he's so beautiful and I'm just–"

You collapsed onto your chair, your wet fingers from the condensation on the drink glass finding purchase in the dips of your face to hide it. Just talking about him was enough to get your heart beating fast, and the mortification of what you had just spilled to the two girls made you want the ground to swallow you already.

"You really like him," Robin's soft observation made you relax. She wasn't teasing you. You turned to look at her and caught the comforting smile she was sending your way.

"I was going to say you could do better," Nami turned to face you, swinging her feet around to your side, "but after hearing all that, I think… You two are perfect for each other. Despite all his antics, he has a good heart. And you'll be good for him, because you see him as he is."

"Yeah?" You couldn't help the small flower of hope blossoming in your chest.

"Really," Nami smiled, a rare genuine smile that was usually reserved for late night talks and reassurances in down times.

"You don't think…." You trailed off, fidgeting with the hem of your top, "he won't… find me good enough?"

"Are you crazy?" Nami snorted, picking up her drink. The melted ice had made the level go up so much that it was threatening to spill any moment. "You're better than anything he could dream of. I told you, didn't I? You would be good for him. Having someone like you in his life to ground him, I think there's nothing better than that. You're one of the sweetest people I have ever met. If anyone here isn't good enough, it's him."

"Hey now," you frowned, ready to defend Sanji but hearing his voice stopped you.

"Who isn't good enough for (y/n)-chan?" His face was stuck in a weird smile, like he was forcing it. He carefully placed the plate of pastries he had brought as he continued casually despite the silence, "I don't know who we are talking about but Nami-chan is right. No one is good enough for our lovely (y/n)-chan."

"Oh, look at that!" You hurriedly switched the topic, looking at the plate he had brought. The tiny pastries were adorable and colourful, looking so delicious that it would have made your mouth water if you weren't distracted at the moment. "This looks so good, Sanji. Seriously, if you keep feeding me like this, my weight will keep increasing!"

The last line became a teasing complaint, but you didn't expect Sanji to come to the side of your chair and lean down to where you were tilted. The proximity caused your eyes to widen, the blood thundering in your ears as he carefully tucked in a stray strand of your hair behind your ear, face so soft and warm that it make your insides feel like they were vibrating.

"All the more for me to love, so I would keep winning, wouldn't I, sweetheart?"

You choked, and the need to get away from him before you did something wild like grab him and kiss him got so much that your knee accidentally shot up and into Sanji's back, pushing him forward. The chef's eyes widened at the sudden attack, but he managed to not collapse on you by quickly holding onto the sides of the chair but now you were trapped in between his arms on top of the close proximity.

It made you so weak in the knees, and there was something hot and warm curling in your gut as you stammered gibberish, feeling like you were about to faint because Sanji's chest was practically touching yours and it was all too much.

"SORRY!" He hurriedly backed off the moment he got his bearings, and for the first time since you had come onboard, you saw him have a genuinely heavily flushed face. There was a little blood starting to leak from one of his nostrils and somehow, it helped you calm down. He was just as affected as you were. The idea was enough to lessen your embarrassment by a little.

"I'm the one who's sorry, Sanji," you said remorsefully, hiding your face completely in your hands this time. "I kicked you!"

"It wasn't on purpose," he said, right hand coming up to hide the blush on his own face. "I'm sorry for… for making you uncomfortable, (y/n)-chan!"

Uncomfortable? Did Sanji have any clue just how comfortable you actually felt? The problem wasn't that you were uncomfortable in the proximity; it was that you were too comfortable, to the point that you never wanted to leave. But that would be a dead giveaway of your feelings, right?

"Okay, this is just painful to watch now," Nami sighed, jolting the two of you. You had nearly forgotten that she and Robin were right there, and they had seen everything. She looked at you unhappily, mouth set in a tight line. "How about you two get a room and make out there?"

"Nami!" You cried out. She really just gave away your crush like that?!

"Just be grateful I'm not demanding money to make up for what I just had to witness," she sniffed haughtily, swinging her legs back onto the chair and pulling down her sunglasses. "Seriously, you two, go talk shit out. Or else, knowing you, you will just be awkward around each other and that's gonna be even more painful to watch."

She wasn't totally wrong. You were planning to avoid him, possibly by jumping off the Sunny and drowning to death since you didn't know how to swim. But that wasn't really a solution and even you could admit that.

"W- What's there to talk-?" Sanji seemed a little scared, wide eyes glancing between the three of you. Nami ignored him, and you were too flustered to look him in the eyes. Nami's suggestion was essentially for you to come clean, wasn't it? But that was easier said than done. The fear of rejection and the eventual awkwardness was gripping your insides in a chokehold, and you couldn't move your feet even if you tried.

"Sanji," Robin said calmly. "Pick up (y/n) and go to the kitchen."

"Huh?" You were startled at her words. Pick you up?! No way! "No, no way, I'm too… I'm too heavy, there's no need for that!" Even as you said that, you couldn't actually bring yourself to move.

"I don't really get it," Sanji admitted, looking between the three of you as he spoke, "but I can do that. (Y/n)-chan?"

"No, Sanji–" the protests died down the moment he bent down and picked you up like you weighed nothing. Even as he walked you across the deck, you couldn't help but think that it was kind of hot just how easily he picked you up. "Sanji…"

He didn't look at you until you were in the kitchen and the door was closed behind the two of you. He walked over to the table and then carefully placed you on it, as if you were a teacup made of fine china teetering with tea. Finally, he let his clear blue eyes stare down at you, the expression on his face more vulnerable and exposed than you had ever seen on him.

"Sanji?"

"I know I made you uncomfortable," he said quietly, backing away. His hands came up to rub away the blood but it only made it spread around and you winced at seeing that. You never wanted to see any blood on Sanji, if you could help it. "I touched your… you. It wasn't my intention, I swear! I just, I wanted, I–"

He abruptly shut up, looking frustrated with himself.

"Sanji."

He didn't look up, fists clenching at his side the moment you said his name.

"Come here, Sanji," you whispered, holding out your hands to beckon him closer. His eyes flickered over your face, as if trying to gauge out what you were feeling, even as he followed through your request without a second thought. You pulled out the handkerchief he had given you long back, and wiped away the blood over his upper lip and cheeks carefully before you picked up his hand. The thumb was bloody too, so you gently held the limb in one of your hands and wiped it with the other. "You didn't make me uncomfortable, Sanji."

He stayed quiet as you continued to wipe it until it was all gone.

"Didn't I?" He said the moment you were done.

"No," you said, looking up at him. You didn't let go of the hand, though you dropped the handkerchief beside you. Somehow, holding his hand seemed to give you the courage to make the admission Nami had told you to. "I… Sanji, I like you. A lot more than I ever thought it was possible to feel towards someone. I like you so much that it physically hurts when I see you flirting with other women. I like you so much that my heart feels warm whenever you are around, and I feel so safe in your arms that I never want to leave. I like it when you are close to me. But I know that you don't like me like that, so whenever you get so close, and I can't help but want you so much, it's painful for me. I never want to let you go."

Sanji's eyes darkened with every word you spoke, a gradual change that you didn't notice at first because you were all in over your head. His hands hovered around your waist as you finished.

"Who told you?" His voice was a little hoarse, and he cleared his throat the moment he realised how desperate he sounded.

"Told me what?" You asked timidly, looking down at your lap.

"That I don't like you?" Sanji's voice was a broken whisper like yours had been. "I have never heard anything more untrue than that. All this time, I wanted you but I kept my feelings to myself. Because you deserve so much, so much more than I am, so much more than I can give. I wanted and I wanted and I felt so greedy, wanting more and more of you, more than you would let me have– I wanted anything you were ready to give, and I also wanted everything you have to give. I thought you wouldn't want someone like me, when there are so many better options around for you–"

"What?" You couldn't help but laugh. All his words were making you delirious; this had to be some wild dream you had conjured up. It didn't feel real. None of it did. "I had better options around? Sanji, I was so sure you would never look twice at me! I never felt like I was pretty enough, or good enough to get your attention and you're telling me… I had better options? That's so–"

You kept laughing, body shaking from the weight of the laughter. Sanji stared at you, unsure hands still hovering around you. His fingers twitched from holding back the urge to pull you into him.

"You are the prettiest girl I have ever seen," he mumbled. "Not good enough to get my attention? Darling, you have had all of my attention ever since I met you. No other woman could compare to you from the moment you made your place in my heart known."

"Did I really have all your attention?" You asked, letting your insecurities bubble up. Now that you were both being honest, it was better to get it all out of the way, right? "Even when you looked at the other women…"

"I never looked at them the way I did you," his words were sincere, and in that moment, they were enough. You looked up at him, and your body broke into shivers the moment you realised the heat in his eyes as he stared down at you; like you were some unique dish he was finally getting the chance to eat after years of craving it.

"I didn't want the other options, Sanji," you whispered, the volume enough for the proximity you were in. "The only one I ever wanted was you."

You held his collars and pulled him in, and it was like he finally snapped, now that he had permission. His hands immediately grasped at your sides, gently holding the soft flesh there as he kissed you. And now it was your time to give and give, while he took from you like your lips were spilling with ambrosia and he was determined to get every drop. His warm breath fanned over your lips and the goosebumps on your skin rose again, your fingers tightening around the collars of his shirt.

When he let your lips go, he was greeted with the sight of your flushed and pleasantly buzzed expression, like you were drunk on him. Seeing you like that, because of him, it was enough to get him groaning.

"So beautiful," he whispered, leaving feather light kisses all over your face. "So gorgeous. All for me. All… for me to have?"

"Yeah," you whispered, looking up at him and seeing the devastated yet over-the-moon expression on Sanji's face. Even without words, he could always just cleave into your heart and press himself within its walls like they were made to fit him, and only him. "You can be greedy. Take all you want. I'm all yours."

°•❀•°

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genshingarbage · 1 year

Note

hi there mod diluc! can i request a drabble/oneshot with diluc x fem (or gn) reader where the reader is insecure about their looks and feels like they're not good enough for him? kinda like a fluffy hurt/comfort? :)

Awe! Hey there, lovelyluc! Ofc I can do this, it was a nice breather from all the angst and smut that I have just brewing away behind closed doors, lmao!!! I hope this was to your liking! Sorry for keeping you waiting just really busy with personal things right now!! - Mod Diluc

Time and Time Again.

Diluc x Reader / Fluff-Comfort

Why does he like you.

It wasn't a question anymore. It was a demand you really wished to have the answer to.

Your fingers tapped incessantly against the oak tabletop surface you stood beside, your hand tightly wrapped around a wine glass, the flavoured liquid swirling inside fervently as your wrist rolled in circular motions. Your actions oozed with clear impatience and frustration; to what, however, was something only you were privy to right now.

You squinted your eyes and flared your nostrils as you bought the glass to your lips, taking a hearty swig of the beverage before returning back to your prior actions. Your mind continued to race with the 'what ifs' and possible 'whys.' But it was all for nothing without concrete evidence, theorising and speculation was never your strong suit. So you sighed out in exasperation, wishing to admit defeat, but the gnawing voice of no reason in the back of your head wasn't going to allow it.

You audibly groaned out now and rolled your eyes, your hand leaving the tables surface to rub against the side of your face. Your stubbornness was certainly going to be your ruin, so many questions to ask him, but no courage to voice them. Him being, of course, Diluc Ragnvindr; Mondstadt's biggest tycoon of the wine industry, the most wealthy soul and most eligible bachelor, well all of them were true except the last one now.

But that was the problem right now, wasn't it? He is supposed to be no longer eligible to single women out there, no longer a bachelor. For he is with you, happily, of course... right?

You took another deep swig of your wine after the realisation that he may not actually be happy with you. Maybe he married you only for convenience? Oh, Archons... what if he didn't like you at all?! What if you were just an easy option because he already knew you, a familiar face that could solve his problems?

Your eyes widened as the heaviness of it all began to sink your mind and heart into a pitiful state of despair and worry. He did always seem distant, didn't he? ... somewhat aloof to your gestures of affection and tenderness. Your glass is now empty and so placed on the table while you traverse the short distance to the storage cabinet stowed at the corner of the spacious and luxurious living room.

As you subconsciously manoeuvre around and fetch yourself another bottle of high-priced wine, your thoughts continue to swirl inside; he only ever shows for dinner and special occasions that require his presence with you, as if it was all just another task... another tedious duty... as if you... was just another mundane necessity.

Pop!

You blink rapidly as the sound of uncorking the bottle brings you back, and you don't even remember grabbing the extra strong alcoholic beverage as you watch the deep red liquid pour into your emptied wine-glass-now full. The unsteady wavering of the smooth contents locking your gaze in a sudden hypnotic power, watching as it rises and sinks left and right, till finally settling once the liquid no longer pours inside, steady, still, unmoving.

Much like your romantic life.

You whined to yourself pathetically as you placed the bottle down and swiftly lifted the glass back up to meet your dried lips and suddenly dried throat, swallowing more of the numbing buzz that slowly clouds you more into intoxicated cushioning. This was childish and certainly unhelpful. You knew that much, but what else could you do?

Nervously, you bit at your nail on your free hand unoccupied with keeping a steady hold on your glass, a nasty habit you obtained as a child when the nerves of failing in your parents eyes plagued your every waking moment, when things seemed to look bleak and wasn't going your way or in anyway that had been intended. And much like back then, that same dreaded feeling began to overwhelm you now. What if you're unattractive? What if your ordinary self is too plain for that level of extraordinary that Master Diluc so clearly was?

You never made mighty or outstanding achievements in your past. You never conjured up to much of anything worthy of note, let alone history defining. Your biggest crowned achievement was this, right now, your life, married in unison with Diluc Ragnvindr. It was something that made you brim with pride and unbridled love and happiness, your faint smile was fleeting as you reminisced on those sweet memories, before the darkness swept back over and left you alone with the mere thought of; happiness for you, sorrow for him.

The grip on your glass grew increasingly tighter, your knuckles whitening under the pressure, and your eyes also began to shine with a glossiness to them, tears threatening to spill. Was your true love only true to your heart? And not a shared experience with the man you'd held so dearly? You meekly rubbed the spilling tears from your cheek as some managed to escape you and drop onto the wooden surface you stood beside.

Click.

The door...

"Y/N?"

That voice...

No, no, no, not right now, he can not see me right now, not like this... no!

It was the very man you'd spent the best part of an hour stressing and crying over, his voice laced with concern as you heard the footsteps grow nearer and louder as he approached you from behind. You hated this! How was he so skilled at being so silent, only knowing he's nearby when it's far too late.

"O-oh, hello dear, I didn't hear you approaching." You tried to feign softness in your voice to hide the wavering tone behind it. You dared not to glimpse behind either. You feared seeing him right now. Eye to eye will only unleash the gates you're desperately holding under lock an key. So you remained faced stiffly toward the table and away from his heavy stare; "Naturally," he replied in that suave voice he naturally holds, "how else am I to keep my beloved on her toes?" He finishes with a soft chuckle.

Your heart aches, a smile forming ever so slightly on your now reddened face, your eyes still glossy and your cheeks somewhat shiny from the few tears prior. He jokes with you... would a man who loves you really care to entertain you? Your hand placed absentmindedly against your chest as you pondered: Diluc would, regardless, because he's always been a charming gentleman. To any an all. It did little to soothe your worry as much as it instead led you to admire him more, which resulted in your self resentment to blossom hotter.

"Y/N, you seem troubled, speak to me." He pleaded, though it sounded more of a demand. You were used to his stoic voice in most cases, that's why those odd times he did crack a joke or shoot a flirty line to you it caught you off guard and never failed to fluster you.

Suddenly, you felt his warmth press against you from behind, his arms slowly snaking around your waist to pull you more into him. His forehead resting gently on the base of your neck where your hair lay neatly braided, his eyes closed unbeknownst to you, of course. His body shifting ever so slightly to press tighter against you.

There was a thick awkwardness of dead silence after his request however, your mouth parted, but no words left you. You were losing yourself in your self worry, your self-hatred, all of it, and you closed your eyes to still your nerves that bubbled under the surface, threatening to erupt. He held you so lovingly, caressed you with earnest intent, showed concern, these are all acts a lover would surely portray to their beloved, in yet... something in your mind wouldn't rest, wouldn't leave well enough alone, and unfortunately, it took hold of your reason entirely and began to control your words.

"Do you love me Master Diluc?" You questioned.

"Master?" He questioned back. His eyebrows lifted ever so slightly in a quizzical expression as well as slight shock. You hadn't called him that title since the last day you served him or his family as a maid, since the day he proposed to you...

"Do you?" Your head instinctively began to turn, the itching desire to look the man in his eyes, in yet you froze, halted your actions and remained faced forward, eyes glaring down at your hands pressed against the tabletop, your focus locked onto the beautiful crystal smelted wedding ring the red head behind you had so gently slid onto your finger that faithful day.

"Y/N, of course I do. What is this?" His voice grew more stern now, stricter and laced with demanding expectancy. His grip on you began to loosen ever so slightly. The feeling of his grip softening only served to sting your heart harder. Could he not stand to you hold in an embrace for that long? Of course he couldn't, why would he want to? You're nothing.

You sniffed in sharply, a frail attempt to steady your racing heart that thumped aggressively in your chest, the blood rushing around and drowning your ears in white noise. You swallowed down the lump that had at some point lodged itself into your throat, a shaky breath exhaled past your lips.

"Y/N." He sounded annoyed...

"Why?" Your voice meekly replied back.

"Why what?" He sighed out, annoyed you'd answered his question with another question, yet still continued to humour you.

"Why do you love me?... no... how can you?" You spoke softly, it sounded as if it was meant only for you to hear, but with him pressed against you, his chin now digging into your shoulder softly and nuzzling against you, he was sure to hear it as well, and hear it he did.

"Why do you speak like this? Has something happened?" He began to deflect your questions now, the lack of a true answer doing nothing to calm your impending outrage.

"Yes, something did happen." You spoke clearly now.

"What." He was no longer asking.

"I've come to realise the truth." You replied, he pressed against you harder, only to glance down to see the two empty bottles of wine, and the currently opened high percentage one, your wine glass beside your hand that was clenched and whitening moreso.

He let out a defeated sigh before pulling away from you, the cold surrounded you like an unforgiving villain.

"You've been drinking." He stated factually.

"And what of it?" You retorted with somewhat aggression.

"You don't realise the nonsense you're saying to me right now." He argued flatly. His distate toward alcohol was known well to you, but it never deterred you from enjoying it from time to time, or using it as a way to lessen the burden of realising you're in a loveless marriage with a man far too out of your league.

"It is not nonsense. And stop assuming I am drunk." You growled, still not daring to face him.

He crossed his arms now, the somewhat screech of his clothes echoing out while tightening on him as his arms flexed in his ruby red long coat.

"You'd be inhumane to not be drunk after consuming so much of that wine, Y/N, specially from my self made bottles." He groaned out like a disappointed father.

You breathed in deeply and decided fuck it, turning round to face him now, you wish you hadn't though...

His crimson eyes instantly captured you into a sudden lock you were too weak willed to break from, his anger mixing with concern clearly painted over his face also hurt you, maybe you had been acting irrationally... but... but no, you wasn't, you are not drunk, certainly not, and you know what you're saying is true.

"I am inhumane though aren't I, Master Diluc?" You narrowed your eyes to which he squinted back, his hand coming out open palmed in a gesture to explain, "and how in all of Teyvat did you summon this ridiculous statement?" He questioned.

"I am nothing more than a maid... it's all I've ever been... all I'll ever be..." Your lip trembled, your resolve dissappeared faster then your prior glasses of wine did when you was downing them oh so ungracious like.

You hadn't realised at that point the way Diluc's angered expression softened almost instantly, his strict demeanour breaking in record time and replaced with one of hurt and confusion, how could you have noticed? Your eyes were looking down at your hands, at your ring.

"I... I don't deserve a man like you, I was stupid to ever think I deserved more in life. I don't deserve to love you, a man so beautiful, so fierce and charming, so talented... a man... whom I was meant to only serve..." Your eyes began to fill with tears, this time the alcohol had numbed your senses of it all and so they fell freely, dropping into the delicately woven carpet beneath your heels, the very heels that Diluc gifted to you for your birthday only four weeks ago.

Your lip trembled harder, your voice lost to your grieving, "you should be married to a woman of higher stature, dignified purpose, like... like the acting grand master Jean, or Eula Lawrence, a woman of nobility to match yours... not a commoner with nothing to her name! N-not a shabby maid whose only purpose was to clean dishes and mop floo-!" You were suddenly silenced.

Your eyes widened, the tears halting in your glossy stare, blurred ever so slightly, but the feel of his lips were always decipherable, the tender movement of his guiding lips on yours well known, his gentle tongue caressing your own into a joint dance of the wet muscles inside both of yours mouths. He pressed against you softly, your hands flatly pressing against the table behind you now, the need to feel grounded to avoid falling.

Your eyes closed as you slipped into the blissful embrace of your lovers passionate and somewhat desperate kiss, he was a man of little words, he didn't know how to soothe a troubled person let alone his suffering lover, but he hated seeing you this way, detested hearing your words, those lies, all of it wrong. He didn't know how to make you see this except to embrace you, something he's now realised while engulfed in all that is your womanly beauty, he's done very little of, definitely not enough of.

Only when the burning need for air gripped you both in your lungs did he finally pull away.

Panting softly, his hands now pressing either side your smaller frame, keeping you trapped against the table, his red hair up in his signature high ponytail, yet a few strands now come loose and frame his beautifully sculpted face. His eyes deepening its glare into you.

"Y/N. Please stop." His voice sounded so frail now, so hurt and your flustered self suddenly felt ashamed.

"That isn't true... none of it, and you know it." His eyes trail down your body slowly, shamefully eyeing you, he made it clear he was attracted to you in the way his eyes hunger and lust along your frame, only to come back to a stand off with your own glossy ones.

"You may have been a maid before that much is true, but that doesn't define you, it never did. I love you, for you, I would not have gone through such hassle to learn from my broth..." his voice cut short suddenly and died in his throat, the pained expression on his face making you fully understand who he was suddenly remembering, "...Kaeya, when I was younger, how to win your hand in marriage and gain your love, now would I?" He questioned, his head tilting slightly as he did so.

He held valid reason there... even your cloudy and intoxicated brain couldn't rebute that fact...

"I..." Your voice couldn't come out, you was too overwhelmed.

"Eula is an astranged acquaintance, to whom I keep at friendly and polite distance, for the mere sake of nobility respect, and Jean is a very close friend of mine Y/N, and yes, I love her dearly." Your eyes began to drop down, the jealousy already threatening to consume you once more, but his strong finger and thumb grip your chin softly and guide your sights back onto him, his lips close to yours, his hot breath fanning across your face. "But she isn't the one I'm in love with Y,N,"

He drops your face now and suddenly engulfs you in his warmth, the embrace soft and welcoming, hugging you tightly into him and clouding your sight in darkness now as you close your eyes and nuzzle into him helplessly.

"You are." He gently places a kiss atop your head; his hands stroking your back and another locking your head into place to keep you pressed into him lovingly so.

You couldn't help the smile that broke onto your face now, as if a weight had been lifted from you, the darkness finally beginning to dissipate within your mind, inside your heart, nothing but your burning love for him remained now. He says he's a man of few words and doesn't understand how to woo a lady, but you find it increasingly hard to believe, he certainly is a master at reassuring your drunken hazy worries.

"I am sorry Diluc, I let my doubts consume me..." You apologised softly while still nuzzled into him, and his gentle strokes, soft caresses and pliant kisses on your head let you know he forgave you, and it made you feel that somehow, he always will... because it felt that bit more safe to believe him, in his words, that Diluc Ragnvindr, the charming winery tycoon and Mondstadt's Dark Knight Hero wouldn't let you suffer alone, now, or ever.

And then suddenly, you knew for sure that your comforting thoughts of this man, this strong and fierce man, your lover, your husband, your soul mate, were all correct when you heard him mutter against your head as you began to be lulled into a gentle soothing motion; "I will remind you how much I love you Y/N, Time and Time Again."

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