#im sorry but for this specific issue i do not think im a good person to ask for advice | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

apomaro-mellow · 7 months

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Wrong Number 2

Someone said they liked when authors put their super-specific jobs in fics so I hope ya like Steve havin a (kinda romanticized) past job of mine.

For the first time in his life, Steve felt like the stereotypical young person who was always glued to his phone. Every time it made a noise or vibrated, his arm shot out like lightning, hoping with every fiber of his being that it was the mystery number.

It had been about five days since he'd sent that first message and he'd been worried about their conversations being stale. But that wasn't an issue. The only times their talks lulled was when they went to bed.

And even that was after texting late into the night. Steve would watch the clock go from 9 to 10 and promise to get to sleep at a reasonable hour. And then it would be midnight and what was a few minutes after that? Then he'd look up and it would be 2 in the morning.

Texting this guy had become the highlight of Steve's days. To the point where he didn't even realize Friday had come until one of his students mentioned it.

Then, purely out of habit, he asked: "Any weekend plans?"

"I've got a soccer game", Zach answered.

"My parents are having date night", Belinda said.

And normally Steve himself would be thinking about going out and finding someone for the night. But the idea hadn't come to him for once. He knew why, but he didn't fully process it until he got home to Robin, who was in the middle of cooking breakfast for dinner it seemed.

Steve was in the middle of replying to a text sent during lunch.

(12:15) I just realized you know about my off the wall job (12:17) But I have no idea what your 9 to 5 is (12:18) Your legally required to tell me if ur famous (12:18) Not bc im a clout chaser (12:19) But bc I might not have a clue who you are

[4:13] Not famous. Don't worry. I'm a teacher.

(4:15) As a former student I apologize

Robin opened the cabinet, looking for pancake mix. “Are you and that girl still texting?”

“Me and the who?”, Steve looked up from his phone.

“That girl? I assume you're finally setting up a date for this weekend?"

"She-" Steve racked his brain for a good excuse. But it was hard to do when the person who knew him the most was staring right at him.

"Whatever flaws of hers you're about to make up, I'm gonna call bullshit because your phone hasn't stopped pinging for days." She started mixing the pancake batter.

Steve looked down at the words on his screen. The one flaw of this guy was that they couldn't meet in person. But maybe it was time to close the distance just a bit.

"She's shy. Might just text a bit more before she's ready."

[4:19] No need for sorries. All my kids are great. But that's probably because I teach their favorite class.

(4:21) Oooh their favorite? (4:21) It's gotta be something like art rite? (4:22) Or are you being a smart ass cuz you teach like calculus or something?

[4:23] I teach cooking 😛

(4:23) Oh shit. (4:24) You're actually the favorite

[4:25] Toldja. Hey quick question and then possibly many more questions.

(4:26) Go ooooon

[4:27] How would you feel about spending the night playing 20 questions? Like are you free tonight?

Eddie bit his lip as he looked at Steve's words. He had picked his shifts this weekend to make sure he had plenty of time to talk to Steve. Which meant he was in fact free tonight. He replied as such and Steve said he wanted a little time to take a shower and then he'd be ready.

And because he was a little shit, Eddie took advantage of him being away from his phone.

(4:35) Since you're in the shower, I'm taking the first question. Boxers or briefs?

[4:54] Cheater. And I prefer boxer briefs. My turn?

(4:55) Go for it

Eddie was curled up on his couch, tv low and in the background as he waited for Steve's question.

[4:55] What's your name?

(4:56) THATS your first question? (4:56) Wait we've been texting for days haven't you saved my number? (4:57) What do you have me as?

Steve bit his lip, wishing he could lie to this guy, but he couldn’t. Instead he sent a screenshot of his phone.

(4:59) Misty? That’s the name of the chick?

[5:00] Yeah. But I guess I should put your actual name now, right?

It was a gamble. But this guy already knew Steve’s name. And by this point they’d been texting for nearly a week. He just wanted to know his name. He pushed back the part of himself that said he needed to know.

(5:00) It's Eddie.

Eddie. The guy he'd been talking to was named Eddie. Eddie with the long curly hair and the chunky rings who threw axes for a living. He was a far cry from the soft girls he usually dated. Or the preppy guys he usually dated.

(5:02) Favorite bug?

The question threw Steve for a moment but he decided to humor him.

[5:04] Bees 🐝I like how fuzzy they are. And I like honey. [5:05] What rings do you have?

A couple minutes later, Eddie replied with an image. It was taken from above and showed his hands lying flat on a coffee table. Steve zoomed to make out the details of each ring. He was also able to see a watch and a couple of wristbands on him.

[5:08] How did you take that picture? With your mouth? 🦭

(5:09) Did you did you just compare me to a seal???

[5:09] What other animal catches things in their mouths?

'I can be an animal with my mouth'. Thankfully, Eddie's fingers weren't as fast as his brain and he didn't send that to Steve. Eddie had in fact put his phone in his mouth the take the picture, having a real 'no thoughts, head empty moment' when Steve asked about his rings.

Steve was letting his own mind wander as he gazed at the picture. Eddie's hands were...his hands were...well they were-

(5:10) Favorite youtuber?

The adoration of Eddie's hands were interrupted by Eddie himself as their question and answers continued. The picture continued as well. Steve sent pics of his favorite pair of shoes, his hair products, and of his neck when Eddie said he didn't believe he had all these moles.

Eddie had sent pictures of one arm, covered in tats, his acoustic guitar, and a super worn copy of Peter Pan.

The hour was growing late and both of them were feeling more bold but at the same time hesitant because it felt like they were close to crossing a line.

Needing an outside opinion, Eddie consulted with The Council (the discord server with his band mates) about whether or not he should shoot his shot. Gareth told him to go for it, what harm could it do? Grant said to do it because it could potentially be the funniest catfishing story. Jeff agreed that he should, if only because their guitarist getting murdered would be a great back story.

With their unanimous approval, Eddie decided to start actively flirting with Steve.

(8:37) Soooooo ya like jazz?

[8:38] I do actually. I really love the piano.

Okay, that one was just practice. Be smooth. Be suave. None of that was in Eddie's wheelhouse but thankfully nothing he said turned Steve away. He always seemed just as eager to reply back.

(9:10) What's your oldest piece of clothing?

Eddie was thinking of his own oldest article a t-shirt that had started out overgrown on his tiny eight year old body but he'd grown into and kept over the years. It was super faded but filled with the memory of the first time he spent more than a couple of days with his uncle.

[9:12] I'd show you, but I'm wearing them right now.

Steve had closed his bedroom door before sending the text. There wasn't anything scandalous but it seemed like it could very quickly veer into that territory. All Eddie had to do was ask. If he wanted to see them, Steve would show it.

'I would like to see it.'

(9:12) I would like to see it

Eddie knew it could be anything. Maybe a holey sock. Or maybe he also had a super faded t-shirt with deep sewn-in memories as well. Maybe he was wearing a class ring?

[9:14] image.jpeg

Eddie was treated (and goddamn what a treat it was) to Steve Harrington's bottom half, barely covered in shorts with a school's logo on them. Thick thighs covered in hair. And a bulge that was there. It was very there. Eddie couldn't overstate how there it was.

He palmed his own crotch before remembering he was looking at a guy's junk and about to jerk off to it in his living room. And he had yet to answer. What was the most respectful way to say 'humina humina humina-wolf whistle-awooga'?

(9:16) Are you trying to kill me Steve?

[9:17] Do you like it?

'Awooga.'

(9:18) ❤️‍🔥 🔥 🥵

Eddie tried to think of any other way to tell Steve how hot he made him but it felt like typing words just wasn't enough.

(9:19) Can I do something insane? (9:20) And feel free to ignore me if it's too much

Steve was lying in his bed, phone of his charger now. Nothing Eddie could do would be too much. He could knock on his door and he would let him in.

[9:21] Go ahead

A second after he sent that, Steve's phone started to ring. It was Eddie. He stared for about five seconds before picking up.

"Hey."

If possible, Steve melted more into his bed. Eddie's voice...he didn't know what he expected but it wasn't that. He said one word and Steve wanted to wrap himself in it.

"That was pretty naughty of you, sending me that pic. I could show up to your school."

"You'd be a few years too late. These are my oldest shorts, remember?"

"Tiniest shorts maybe."

Steve laughed and Eddie was on cloud nine. He was so lost in bliss, he miscalculated and fell off the couch.

"What was that?"

"I uh, I fell. Off my couch."

"Did you fall hard?"

Eddie beamed as he got up and turned off the tv. Now that he had his voice, all he wanted to hear was the man on the other line.

"Oh super hard."

Steve let out a sound from the back of his throat and he wondered if Eddie had heard it. It was honestly amazing how the smallest things got him going. Or maybe he was just that into Eddie.

"You still there Steve?"

....."Yeah. I'm still here."

Part 4

Tag Team (closed)

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If you were tagged but it didn't show up in your notifications, lemme know and I'll do that thing where I tag you in a reblog instead. I know tumblr can't be trusted to function XD

#apo writes #stranger things #steddie #i wanted this out this past weekend #but had other things #anyway i used to work as a culinary instructor #it was for summer camps and after school programs #but my dream was to do it full time at a nice school #ohh the dreams we have in our youth

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regular-gnome · 5 months

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I adore your Archivists and the lore you make for them and their personalities and relationships between each other and Collector! You don't paint them as Good but misunderstood or cartoonishly evil.

They are god-like entities and their morality system and values are way to different for mortals to easily relate and understand. And good luck for them to not grow up with an issue or two and then proceed to raise a young collector with no problems =3

Also a question if you don't mind👉👈(sorry if you already answered it, my memory is bad TT) So all five of them are collectors(and they are the only ones of their kind), the siblings have a different name for their group why? And our Collector's name is the same as species or will he have something his own later like others when he is older?

The empty, uncaring void filled with extinction and destruction is not a place where kids grow happily without any lasting issues and from a mortal point of view - a weird perception of good but they are trying

I don't think anyone has asked about this one yet! Their names are related to their identity and that connects to their history; they don't really use individual ones, but rather what describes who they are.

I've put the reasoning and my stab at the lore under the cut since I thought it might be a bit long and not everyone into it (and I just figured out how to add the read more cut so im gonna use it)

They are not the only ones in existence; they are just in this part of the galaxy we see. In the beginning, when the universe wasn't as expanded, the Children of the Stars were closer to each other, exploring the young galaxy together and living among other living creatures - mortals.

After the extinction event that left the children alone on the barren world, they decided not to let it ever happen again. They began collecting life from the surroundings and spread it to uninhabited systems, later establishing the first archive to help with it. Thats when they started call each others collectors, and after creating archive those collectors connected to it that cared for and used it were archivists. It didn't go fantastic, they were young figuring things out on the way, the lessons they learned got contained in the Guidebook everyone took. At this point, they also realized that everything they were doing was not enough. The galaxy was too vast, with too many worlds facing their ends too far apart. They separated making own archives, now too far away to ever really meet and find each other.

On how it realates to names. Collie is a kid, they are a collector so The Collector, they live around the archive but it's not their responsibility at this point -it's The Archivists. As Collector grows up and becomes an Archivist they can take a specific set of tasks and be associated with them taking on a title. However, this also means that titles can change.

The first sibling in the story, after establishing their archive, was just named The Archivist. When another collector grew up to help, they divided roles, with Curator handling organization inside the archive and Naturalist handling "ground work". Later, the tasks of the Naturalists were divided, now becoming Anatomist and dealing with the living environment and Architects handling the unliving aspects . Following Archivist became The Wayfarer, responsible for keeping track of every collected place and noting any changes they undergo. They scout out planets that are to be added to the archive.

I'm not certain what Collie would want to do in the future. I think they might be inclined towards tasks related to being around mortals as they are pretty social, so they could probably take on some responsibilities from Anatomist and Wayfarer. But, I can't say for sure what title they might take

And here's a fun little aspect: the universe didn't stop expanding. The places their archive reaches keep getting further away and more advanced systems, so planets that are more than basic fauna and flora are more prone to collapsing. At some point, probably when Collie is an Archivist, the archive might have to split, and the names will shift again

#I implied some history in the dream comic but its not very really clear:p #In reblogs is my reasoning #sorry for that #the owl house #owl house #toh fanart #toh archivists #the archivists #toh collectors #toh the archivists #toh collector #the collector #ask

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angelst4re · 1 year

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heyy!! so I was wondering if you could do a like a oneshot of being enemies with jace and him teasing you about liking him and then it ending with him eating the reader out?? IM SO SORRY ITS VERY SPECIFIC LMFOOAOAOAOOA 💀💀

hi love!! ahh i had so much fun writing this!! i was tired when i wrote this so i got a bit carried away at the end and kinda turned this into an enemies to lovers... but i hope you like it!!

Heavenly Fire- Jace x Fem!Reader (he has too many last names.)

summary: in the request!

warnings: NSFW!! smut! porn with minimal plot... oral (f recieving)(jace is the king of giving head), fingering, first time(?), but no actual sex </3

notes: i couldn't think of a title for this :( fun fact: my shower isn't working right now that is what inspired me to write this! also i feel like i nailed jace's personality in this one, i always find it hard when i'm writing for jace because of his personality but this one...

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“God! Do you ever shut up?!” You turned around to Jace, who was following you towards the kitchen as Isabelle had just made lunch.

“Now, I know I’ve been called heavenly, but a God? I’ve not heard that before.” He teased, earning an evil stare from you.

“What are you talking about?” Isabelle asked, placing some bowls on the table of what appeared to be soup?

“Jace is being a-“

“Y/n confessed her everlasting love to me, we’re getting married next week, I better go and inform Alec and Magnus-“

“Oh shut up, Jace! You know I don’t like you!” You gave Jace a shove before you sat down at the table. He snickered as he sat down opposite you, clearly happy with your reaction.

“Keep telling yourself that, love.” He said under his breath before Isabelle joined the two of you at the table.

There was no denying Jace was attractive, it was almost annoying how he always looked perfect. His perfect blonde hair and his perfect eyes and his perfect smirk and his perfect body- But that wasn’t why you hated him. You hated him because he was such an asshole all the time. He knew he was good looking, and he was overly confident- or so it seemed to you. He never had an issue when it came to one night stands, but you noticed he could never hold down a relationship. You would never see him with the same girl more than once, sometimes twice on the odd occasion. Even you had longer relationships than that (although Isabelle would say being together for 5 days didn’t count as a relationship.)

After finishing the soup Izzy had made, you gave Jace one last glance before standing up and placing your bowl by the sink.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

After a long day of training, it was no surprise that you were sweaty and needed a shower. So, naturally, you headed to your bathroom, locked the door and began to undress. But there was a problem.

Your shower wasn’t working.

You sighed and stepped back out, taking your robe which was hanging up by the door and slipping it on, tying it up, and unlocking the bathroom door again.

You hoped that Isabelle would let you use her bathroom, as the spare bathrooms were tiny and quite frankly disgusting. But as you got closer to her room, you could hear music being played, and as you put your ear to the door you heard not only Isabelle’s voice but also Simon’s. You quickly dismissed this idea.

But that meant you only had one more option. Jace.

Alec was most probably at Magnus’ apartment, so you could use his shower- but you wouldn’t want to do so without asking him first. So you had no other choice.

You felt a strange buzz of anxiety in your belly as you knocked on Jace’s door, all you wanted to do was have a shower, there’s nothing to be anxious about!

As he opened the door, you were met with a shirtless Jace, his hair damp and slightly wavy, his-

“Come to discuss our wedding, love?” He teased you, eyeing you up and down, trying to figure out if you were actually wearing anything beneath your robe. You let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding and shook your head.

“Jace, look, my shower isn’t working and Izzy has Simon over. I didn’t want to have to bother you but-”

“You want to take a shower with me? Without taking me to dinner first? Wow-”

“No, no! I meant, I- You-” You suddenly became quite flustered, unable to think of anything other than the sight of him in the shower, hair dripping, the way the water would fall on his body- Stop! You were sure you were blushing now, and as you looked back up at him, he confirmed it with a devilish smirk.

“What’s got you so pink in the face, sweetheart? I thought you hated me?” He taunted you, and you couldn’t take it any more. The throbbing between your thighs was becoming almost painful as you wrapped your arms around his neck and captured his lips with yours in a needy kiss. You couldn’t help but think about what this would do to his ego. He was going to become unbearable to live with, but in the moment you couldn’t help yourself. He was so fucking hot, you could never truly hate him.

You pushed him backwards a little, so you were both in his room with the door shut. If Isabelle saw the two of you right now, she would never shut up about it, telling you I told you so. You always denied your feelings towards Jace, hiding them with hatred, and he always expressed his feelings through teasing you, causing you to ‘hate’ him even more.

Quickly, you pull away from Jace before he had the chance to rest his hands on your waist.

“Oh, fuck!” You hid your face with your hands, turning away from Jace. You were such an idiot.

“What is it? Did I do something wrong, I-” Jace genuinely seemed confused, and quite panicked by your sudden change in attitude.

“No. Well, actually, yes you have. You’re such an asshole, Jace. But I can’t help every time I see your perfect fucking face, or your… What I’m trying to say is this was a mistake. I-” You were shut up by lips crashing into yours once more, this time more passionate than the last. His hand cupped your face as the other held your waist, leading the two of you closer and closer towards the bed. He must have seen the way your eyes were so lust-blown only a few moments ago, as his hand creeped towards the place where your robe was tied, and within seconds it had fallen to the floor.

You would have felt nervous, even anxious about your body being on display like this, especially in front of Jace as he pulled away from the kiss, but as soon as you saw the way he was looking at you, your worries disappeared. His lips were slightly parted, his eyes half-lidded, his chest rising and falling as his breathing became heavier.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, his hand gently placed on your shoulder. He slid it down your body, touching you for the first time. He gently caressed your breasts, massaging the soft flesh as small whimpers left your lips and your eyes fell shut. He took a moment to toy with your nipples, and that was when you let out an almost pornographic moan. At that, he dropped to his knees, his hand sliding down your torso until it rested just above your cunt.

He placed kisses along your thighs before looking up at you, as if asking for permission. You eagerly nodded your head, you desperately needed him to touch you.

He moved slightly and took one of your legs, lifting it over his shoulder to put your slick pussy on full display for him. He parted your lips with two fingers, before leaning in and swiping his tongue along your clit. The action was so sudden that your knees buckled beneath you, so he moved once more and pushed you down onto the bed. As your back fell onto the mattress, he pulled you closer to him so your knees were hanging off his bed. Then, he resumed his attack on your clit.

“Oh fuck! Jace!” You groaned, slapping one hand over your mouth and tangling the other in his hair as he ate you out.

He sucked you clit between his lips, earning a string of moans to fall from your lips, and that’s when he decided to trace his finger over your hole, before replacing it with his thumb. He eased the tip of his thumb in before pulling it out again, watching as your hole pulsed, begging for more.

Without any warning, he slipped his middle finger into you and curled it upwards in a ‘come here’ motion as he continued sucking, lipping and nipping at your clit. Your back arched and your legs wrapped around the man between your thighs, pulling him impossibly closer to you.

“Shh, it’s okay, angel. Think you can take another one?” He teased, bringing a second finger to your entrance.

Jace had assumed you were a virgin, and he was right. However, he knew you had touched yourself before. Occasionally, you would think you were home alone and your hand would travel between your thighs, small moans and whimpers would fall from your lips as Jace passed by your room. It took all his strength to simply walk past, especially when you would moan his name.

He slipped the second finger in, and you felt that familiar feeling in your belly. However, this time it felt ten times stronger. You were worried that you would actually explode when you reached your high.

“I know you’ve been wanting this, angel. Coming undone on my fingers, my tongue. Pretending you hate me, but I could see straight through you. I knew all along you were just a little slut, isn’t that right? I knew just how jealous you would get whenever a girl would come home with me, just how angry it would make you. But it’s okay, they never meant anything,” his thumb replaced his mouth on your clit as he spoke, and his words went straight to your core, “I knew all along you wanted to be my girl. Cum for me and I’ll make your wish come true, cum on my fingers, darling, I know you’re close.

Just as your orgasm washed over you and your thighs began to tremble, Jace leaned down and captured your lips with his. You couldn’t help but moan against his lips, followed by strings of profanities as his fingers continued to pump inside you, working through your high. You had never felt so… wonderful. You were gasping for air but Jace’s lips were still on yours, you could even taste yourself on his tongue.

You wrapped both of your arms around him and held him close, hoping he would lie by your side when you finally came back to reality. However, he escaped from your arms and went into the bathroom to retrieve a soft, damp cloth to clean you up with.

“Stay still for me, darling.” He chuckled as he spread your legs to clean up your messy cunt, but your thighs kept pressing together. However, he managed to clean you up and threw the cloth to the corner of the room, to a pile of clothes that needed washing.

He helped you up the bed, so your head was against the pillows, and lied beside you, pulling you close to him in a warm embrace as your head rested on his chest.

He stroked your bare back, causing you to shiver slightly as it tickled, which seemed to amuse Jace.

“So what does this mean?” You asked, moving your head to look up at Jace who was sitting against the headboard, one arm behind his head.

“What does what mean?”

“Everything you said, about being yours?”

Jace took a moment to think, and you were filled with a sudden panic that he didn’t mean what he said, that it just felt right in the moment.

“You can use my shower, sweetheart. When you’re finished, get changed into something nice, or not- but I don’t think you’d want to wear leggings and a hoodie on your first date.” He said, a smirk creeping up on his lips.

“Are you, the Jace Herondale- who never dates- asking me out on a date?”

“No, I’m not asking you,” he chuckled, playing with your hair, “darling, I’m telling you.”

#jace wayland smut #jace wayland #jace herondale smut #jace lightwood #jamie campbell bower #jamie campbell bower x reader #jamie bower #jace wayland x reader #jace herondale x reader #jace morgenstern #city of bones #shadowhunters

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genderkoolaid · 1 month

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advice on how to get over the fear that t is going to make me ugly? or that i’m going to miss “the old me”

i’m a queer trans guy and i’ve been questioning going on t for years now and i know i definitely want bottom growth, body fat redistribution and more body hair.

but im err on the side of face and voice changes. i’m scared of disliking my new voice and suddenly growing dysphoric over it (i dont have too much voice dysphoria now) and disliking how my new face will look. i’m kinda genderfluid as well so it’s complicated. but i don’t want to go my whole life without knowing what it’s like to be on hrt. but i can’t get over the fear of looking/finding myself ugly and undesirable and losing my community... which is ironic cuz i find other trans men attractive as hell. i discussed this in therapy and i still feel this way :/

i wish there was a way for me to start without telling anyone and then breaking the news when i’m experiencing changes and feeling more confident about it. i have my gender dysphoria diagnosis and i can start if i want to, but i need my family’s financial support. i don’t want to make it a big deal since it’s just something i’d be trying out to feel more like myself in certain ways.

sorry this turned into a long ass rant and you don’t have to reply but i’m just gonna kindly leave it in the ask box 💀

There's a post that goes like "all of life is irreversible. i cannot go back a single second" and I think thats something good to keep in mind when you are thinking through this. You are already living with a body that has changed and will continue to change in ways largely out of your control. You are already living in a post-irreversible-alteration body.

If you do go on T and find you don't like how your voice sounds: for one, you can stop at any time (& if you haven't checked out microdosing as an option, you should). But two: plenty of people live with a deeper voice than they want. Plenty of people live with facial hair they dislike. You can pursue the same therapies and procedures they do. Or maybe you don't, and you find ways to live with a voice or face you aren't totally in love with.

So much detransition fearmongering, especially directed at transmascs & assoc. trans people, heavily relies on the specter of the fallen woman, itself steeped in trans-misogyny & intersexism. The idea that, for one, a "woman" who has mixed-sex features is ugly and undesirable, and two, that a "woman" made undesirable is forever doomed to be miserable and worthless. The transphobic story of detransition keeps our bodies stuck in this moment of revulsion and regret, narratively preventing us as characters from being able to move on and live happy lives in atypical bodies. Even if you do regret/dislike some things about T, you are not forever stuck in that feeling. The story does not stop at that! You will just keep living and find new ways of dealing with your bodily feelings!

The social aspect of this is a bit more complicated but I also have some firsthand experience with it. Because, as mentioned before, there's a lot of transphobic misogyny/misogynistic transphobia that affects transmascs & others who go on T, who have to confront the feeling of losing your potential desirability. And then there's also the way many people are treated after going on T, facing a whole new area of bodily scrutiny: you may suddenly have people making comments about how someone needs to force teenage boys to shave because their facial hair is a personal offense. I went from being self-conscious about how high my voice was to being self-conscious about how undeniably trans my voice was. And, specifically, my facial hair, voice changes, etc. were all signs of my transmasculine desire, and I became self-conscious about how obvious it was that I desired being trans, I desired this body. I could no longer let everyone pretend I was a cishet girl at family gatherings and avoid confronting these issues, because I had essentially written I WANT TO BE A TRANNY all over my physical form.

This is something I'm still struggling with myself. I, like many other queer & autistic people, already struggled with feeling desirable or worthy of being seen alongside conventionally attractive cishet people who could act normal. Being visibly trans, and taking a huge step away from the desirable cis-perisex-girl body, can really open up that can of worms. Especially being genderfluid/genderqueer! Because we often cannot find a comfortable space for ourselves within the conventions of attractiveness for cis men, like some binary trans men are able to.

But ultimately, I don't regret going on T at all. I would have had body issues regardless, and I got a lot out of going on T. I think mentally preparing yourself to struggle with these things, and seeking out other transmasc people, is a big help. Again: all of life is irreversible. we cannot go back a single second. We are already living in imperfect bodies we struggle to love or see as worthy. If you know you want some of the things T can offer, and you don't want to go your whole life without knowing, then just do it. Dive in, and don't feel any shame if you decide to get out. Just keep living and finding ways to live better right now.

#m.#ask box

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a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire · 2 months

Text

Alright, I took a quick nap and Ive decided that I wanna get the UTM reenactment over with as quickly as possible so Im reading chapter 42 and then I'll reward myself with some pain au chocolats and not thinking about this book for the rest of the day and watching the 2002 takarazuka flower troupe production of elisabeth instead. lets go

Chapter 42

here we fucking go with the illyrian wingspan-dicksize correlation, how would Amren even know that isnt she above sex or something. Honestly, I think Cassian would know wayyyyy more about that. on account of all the gay sex hes having i mean. I thought of that joke and then I realized that you could interpret it to mean that he knows about that because hes illyrian and has a dick, but I want to make it very clear that this is a gay sex joke

how come wings are so sensitive that just barely stroking them makes you moan and shudder but you can still fly with them in harsh winds with no issue. My headcanon is that wings arent actually that sensitive, Rhysand and Cassian are just weirdos with a specific kink

This conversation Feyre and Rhys are having about his wings is so weird, its like dirty and yet uncomfortably clinical

oh Rhysand is quicker than death just fucking kill me, im getting so angry again

Syphons are called 'Trichtersteine' ['funnel stones' or 'funnel gems'] in german which is more accurate to how we're actually told they work imo but it sounds pretty lame

Is it just me or is Rhysand being kinda weirdly paranoid rn. I mean granted, they did just get attacked with ash arrows so maybe hes actually doing a good job for once and Im just biased against him

Okay so we finally get some night court fae wearing white, but of course its not for moon symbolism its so they can blend in with the rock of the mountain because this series does nothing but disappoint me

The Hewn City actually sounds really cool, why couldnt this have been the secret city where we spend most of our time, you couldve made it a whole thing about Feyre healing from her trauma UTM through like, exposure therapy or something idk. That wouldve been neat and dramatic, her healing from her UTM trauma in the place that inspired it with the person that inflicted it. I mean, maybe that would be less healthy and even more controversial than Feysand already is but then you could atleast lean into the dark romance of it

I mightve said this already but you knowwww sjm is NOT a painter and consulted ZERO painters because Ive never heard of anyone think about creating art the way feyre does

and Mor is wearing red AGAIN why would you make this a trigger for Feyre just go back and edit it out its not like it matters

God, the description of her outfit is so deeply discomfortingl like it literally is exactly what she wore while she was being drugged assaulted but atleast they left the bodypaint out this time

"[Keir] looked at my face, then my body. I had thought that he would stare and drool greedily but... there was nothing. No emotion. Just ice cold. Shaking internally, - from anger and revulsion - I followed Mor." Im sorry, is she mad that Keir doesnt find her hot????

Theres something uncomfortable about Feyre referring to Rhysand as 'Mor's Lord' especially when we just had a whole paragraph describing her as a proud and empowered queen

"Usually, one Syphon was enough for an Illyrian to to able to steer his urge to kill down the right path." what???

Now shes describing Azriel as dark and beautiful as death and oughhhhhh i knoww im the only who cares about this and its for a pretty stupid reason but I care a lot and it makes me very angry

Feyre referring to a 19 year old Mor as 'barely more than a child' is weirdddddd

of COURSE hes wearing a black tunic for this, I cant believe this is the guy that the fandom has designated the fashion lover when he has two (2) outfits

Feyre describing Rhysand as sooooo powerful and beautiful with a face of nightmares and dreams makes me want to vomit, but more importantly, it makes me yearn to rewatch the 1996 takarazuka star troupe production of Elisabeth with Asaji Saki as Death who unirionically fits all of Feyres descriptors 1000 times better

Not Rhysand using Feyres Cursebreaker title while hes thoroughly humiliating her

Now Feyre is calling him a god, bro youre not gonna be able to have sex if you jack him off this hard hes gonna be all sore

Imagine being a hewn city noble and you all get together because your high lord wants something from you and youre kinda scared because hes the worst, and then you just have to watch him finger some random lady. and you cant leave because then he'll just kill you

I dont like that this is framed as empowering to Feyre, i think its one thing to write a female character who sexualises herself in order to empower herself but the fact that Feyre is doing this at the behest of Rhys automatically renders it non-empowering to me. Like yeah, she obviously consented to this but it wasnt her idea but this was not her idea and this is not something she usually does, the only times shes been sexualized like this is because it was part of some plan that Rhysand came up with

"[Keir] apparently clung to the power. But Rhys was the power." i hate that that sentence made me think of Keir/Rhysand as a ship why am I so goddamn yaoi-brained. And yeah, i know theyre related but according to Rhys himself, he and Mor are only cousins in the most distant sense, so. Man, that would make the IC dynamics so much more fucked up but also so much funnier

Theyre trying so hard to make this hot n sexy but its just so unappealing and dragged out. Granted, sorry if this is TMI, but I did just jerk off so Im all out of horniness for the next little while so maybe I just dont like this because Im not in the mood but idk. theres something so annoying about this, i think its how over-the-top and artificial Rhysands hotness feels, not to mention the fact that he is absolutely not my type

Imagine being Keir rn, just trying to do your job and tell your high lord everything that he needs to know, meanwhile his high lord is sitting in front of him fondling his new sex slave and you just have to keep a straight face. i mean, he sucks ass so i guess he deserves it but man

Presented to you with no further comment: "My breasts became heavy and full, longing, desiring, just like my crotch."

goddamnit, Rhysand just said that he put Feyre on his leash and then Keir made a kinda slutshame-y remark about her clothes and then I thought Rhys was like "maybe I'll put you on a leash too" but it was Feyre who said that. another loss for big gay incest

"He liked this as little as I did" uhhhhh no offense girlie but you actually seem to be having a pretty great time rn

I dont even know what to say about this part where Feyre is like, detaching herself from her thoughts that are calling her a traitor a liar and a whore ?? I think thats whats happening here?? Like, its trying so hard to be sexy but its invoking the imagery of Feyre's (and even Rhysand's) trauma and its just very strange

It took Rhys a fucking eternity to actually touch her pussy

What if Keir developed a voyerism kink because of this. would that be fucked up or what

Its so weird how Feyre thinks about how maybe Rhysand doesnt like sex or being desirable anymore because of amarantha and that certainly sounds like a trauma response he should have but instead it just never matters

"I had been tortured and tormented but my pain was nothing compared to his." YOU DIED

Oh man I cant believe I completely forgot about the absolutely iconic part where Rhysand gets so mad Keir for calling the woman he introduced as a whore a whore that he telepathically breaks his hand about it

what was the point of doing that, Feyre didnt even seem to like it that much

#anti acotar #anti sjm #anti acomaf #anti rhysand #anti feysand #flames and darkness liveblog

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bonefall · 7 months

Note

How do you feel about "character joins bloodclan" aus? Im curious about ur thoughts since youre really in tune with the themes of the series but personally i just hate them bc its ALWAYS aimed at 'unfortunate' characters and always ALWAYS ignores the fact that bloodclan is a horrible place in-canon and that they're just reflavoring the abuse and trauma the characters qent through to be more emo or goth themed.

Ravenpaw is ALWAYS a prime target for this and its like. Great. You took the character being abused by their mentor figure and is being harmed from the violent culture the clan has generated... and giving them an EMO mentor figure who will inevitably abuse them and harm them as a result of the violent culture the emo clan has generated. Sasha is another one I've noticed- you've put the woman who lost her kit and is struggling to survive with the others while being controlled and abused by someone who sees her as an outsider (aka alone and easy to isolate), and are gonna put her in a faction who specifically separates kin from one another to easily control them and who have canonically tried murdering those who stick with their family. What was gained here.

Like i know bloodclan is revamped in ur au (thank god for it) but in canon bloodclan is HORRIBLE. People ignore that in favor of putting their favs into bloodclan bc bloodclan is cool and killed tigerstar that one time bc of revenge. Ravenpaw becomes Scourge AUS are SO SO SO much worse bc of this too- sure you manage to point out how scourge and raven has roughly similar stories in their youth but you could also do something interesting and make an au where raven and scourge are FOILS and do a firestar/scourge thing, while pointing this comparison out!! Instead you just went "Ravenpaw emo now and is sad about beating up Firestar his friend" and basically kept everything the same.

Sorry im basically venting here but i just dont like how people forget that scourge in canon does NOT look out for the 'little guy', he's a murderer and abuser who wants to keep his subjects afraid and separated so that he alone has power over them. Bloodclan is not the cool strong goth group, its the group where two cats slaughter eachother over a piece of twoleg scraps, only for the survivor to die bc the food was poisonous to cats and no one knew bc theres no cohesive group that can pass that knowledge around. its a fucking horrible place to live. Im not saying that you cant do interesting "character in bloodclan" aus (a Rusty who lives in bloodclan who STILL wants to do good but is shaped by the horrid reality of bloodclan would be fun imo) but its so often used with already traumatized characters as a 'solution' or 'fix-it with some emotional issues involved' that i just foam at the mouth and howl like a rabid animal on principle at this point.

Hmm... I think for me, it doesn't tend to read that way for me when the fandom makes AUs for it. I'm coming at BloodClan from a point of really deep critique and frustration.

BloodClan's not a REAL place, and what that means is, every speck of how horrible it was is a choice the writers made to justify its treatment. It was something they actively decided, because, BloodClan was a tool to suddenly invalidate the previous 5 books of TPB so that the series could comfortably conclude there was no need to upset the status quo.

If you haven't read it before, I recommend this post I made on how Darkest Hour Is A Personal Disappointment, but anyway;

We spend a whole series on how Fireheart challenges a broken society, because he is different. Their xenophobia, how isolationism and glory get people killed, the way that Tigerstar's greatest asset is how respected he is... these are bad things. They're things that Fireheart fights for several books.

But then, in the LAST book, in the 11th inning, they introduce BloodClan. They're just evil. They have no nuance. The narrative bends over backwards to stress that this group of evil foreigners LOVES murder, hates friendship, and doesn't believe in our good god.

Suddenly, the Clan cats have to be EXTRA xenophobic and glorious to kill these filthy, murderous foreign hordes. Clan cat belief in their good god makes them stronger than the bloodthirsty barbarians. Firestar kills Scourge and we can feel happy and triumphant about it, when Tigerstar was killed a few chapters ago and given a tragic sendoff.

So, I encourage you to step back from an emotional response to how Filthy and Murderous this group was portrayed, and look at it as a writing choice.

When Tigerstar, known cat-racist and murderer of mixed-race people, is killed by Scourge in self-defense, he is grieved by Firestar and commended for his "good qualities". (and then they retconned in that it was actually secretly revenge all along, not just self defense, so this killing is extra evil)

When Scourge is killed, Firestar just thinks about how it's cool he's not going to heaven, and how all of the previously ferocious BloodClan warriors look so inferior to the forest Clans.

And so, with all that said,

I'm 100% in favor of how the fandom widely looks at this, says, "fuck that" and just makes them the Cool Goth Group. I'd argue pretty strongly that the least nuanced idea of that is still infinitely better than canon.

There was nothing there. It was literally just Xenophobia-Is-JustifiedClan. They literally hated love and friendship and banned families so that Clan cats would look good in comparison. Banned families. You don't get this level of stupid evil from anything else but an 80s cartoon.

Maybe I just don't see the AUs you tend to see (I curate my Tumblr experience very well and generally hang out in more adult-oriented spaces, I can imagine a place like Amino being mostly kids who tend to be immature. Edgelord Angstpiddle is just a normal part of growing up), but every project I see that gives me a glimpse of BloodClan Ravenpaws and Sashas come with such tweaks already assumed.

Like, these are examples I've seen,

They'll have Raven be involved with the formation of BloodClan

Scourge will actually be a character with some pity and mercy, like how he was in Rise of Scourge when his abusive siblings begged him for food, and he fed them before sending them away.

no ban on love and friendship. Lol. Lmao, even.

More of the social structure will be based around acquiring food for people in a 'harsh' environment, leading to that battle, instead of just Evil Foreign Greed (which canon!scourge only had after being almost killed by tigerstar, because he said "actually, in light of new information that you are a murderer, i need to reconsider our deal.")

BloodClan will be overhauled completely. I've seen this a few ways. Connecting them to SkyClan, or the Oakstar raids on Chelford, or even as a positive entity; a surprise ally. (VERY common with BloodClan Ravenpaw AUs I've seen).

Anyways... (Shrug), I dunno dude, it doesn't bother me that much.

#and remember. BloodClan is 1 of 3 actively hostile evil foreigner groups with no nuance.#4 if you also count Slash's rogues as their own entity and not just a continuation of One's.#This is NOT a treatment ever EVER given to Clanborn cat factions.#Berryh's hate crime club is being treated with more kindness than this.#None of Mud's supporters were punished for attempted murder or treason. Or anything.#And there is only ONE DF trainee who was Dark Forested after his death.#So anon I'm so sorry but I am your worst enemy u_u #We will fight at dawn #I think that one barley map is super awesome and it's the only time I ever really liked canon BloodClan #I like to imagine my own version in my head when I watch BloodClan-related art because canon BloodClan bugs me so bad #The xenophobia in this series is so blatant and yet so overlooked

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airybcbyy · 9 months

Note

Hello! I hope you are doing as good as Karl's spoiled raccoon life!

Anyhow, I low-key just found out that having kids of my own most likely won't be an option for me. Am high-key bummed out so, I was wondering if you could do head cannons of the BSD men reacting to fertility issues?

If not that's okay! Thank you for your time anyways! 😊

AHHHH TY TY IM DOIN GREAT SORRY FOR NOT SEEING THIS SOONER BUT OF COURSE 🫶🏼 HOPE YOU GET A MIRACLE AND GET URSELF A BABY💜💜 sending baby dust your way✨✨

BSD Men reacting to fertility issues headcanons!

a/n – there was no specific characters you asked for but feel free to comment/ask if you (or anyone else) want this with other characters!!

content – TW!! mentions of infertility, sensitive topic talked about, reader is afab, fem reader, fem bodied reader,, fluff, SPOILERS for tachihara, tachihara calls reader “baby girl”, akutagawa calls reader “dear”/“my dear”, dazai calls reader “belladonna”/“bella” ,i think that’s it lmk if i missed anything!

synopsis – tachihara, akutagawa, and dazai reacting to reader having fertility issues!

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tachihara

tachihara lost his brother young, so he never really got to experience the big brother type of love

so he’d always wanted have kids!

and when he met you?

the woman of his dreams?

oh he thought he’d have his whole life planned out.

he’d leave the port mafia as an undercover agent

go back to being a hunting dog

get his monthly surgeries to stay alive

and finally get the life he’d always wanted

with the love of his life🫶🏼

and even before he’d been able to leave the pm

you two had tried

and tried

and when nothing happened no matter how many times you guys tried?

you both decided to go to a fertility doctor

and learned that you, the love of his life, was infertile.

tachihara felt his heart break

but not for him.

no, he felt his heart break for you.

the woman who’d been so happy to try over and over again with him for a child

the woman who’d sat beside him when given the news and even if you didn’t cry, he’d heard the sharp inhale from you

even on the car ride home, he’d began to think about what you were thinking about.

and later when the two of you got home to your shared apartment, you’d immediately ran off to your shared room and he let you

he knew you needed time to process, so he started working on dinner

he made the only thing he really knew how to make; spaghetti

maybe it wasn’t going to be good, but he didn’t want to subject you to cooking or the take out food you were definitely thinking about if it added to your condition.

he’d walked into your room with the dinner in his hand and found you curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed

even if he didn’t hear you crying, he heard your sniffles and saw your shaking shoulders

he immediately put the two plates down on a dresser

he laid down behind you, wrapping his arms around you in a spooning position

“it’s okay, baby girl, don’t cry.” he cooed toward you. maybe he wasn’t a good person outside of this home, but when he was with you it was like he was that one puppy at the pound that wouldn’t jump up at any person that walked in– until it came to you. you brought the light into his life, and even if the two of you most likely couldn’t have children, you two could keep trying. if it never happened for the two of you, there was children in this world that needed to be adopted– he’d seen how orphans getting taken into big mafia groups, and he would hate for that to be any child. “i can’t give you that big family, michi-”the affectionate nickname rolled off your tongue with a heavy heart. you’d always dreamed of that with him, and now because of you (in your mind),the two of you couldn’t have that. “no, baby girl, it’s not your fault. now we can choose our own family♡”

akutagawa

ryunosuke akutagawa never envisioned kids in his life

before the port mafia, he thought he was simply going to die young due to his disease(cries in chapter 88)

and then he’d met you; a woman so beautiful that not even the feared diablo could hide his affections for you.

but even when the two of you started talking about being in a relationship; kids never came up

he never wanted any and he thought you wanted the same

and you had!

kids was never something you had wanted much in life either.

until, you had a pregnancy scare.

but it wasn’t actually scary for you,

you felt this rush of happiness and that’s when you realized what you wanted in life

to be a mother.

you already had the maternal feeling that most mothers didn’t get until they’d had a kid

you were empathetic

you knew how to calm akutagawa down even when no one else could

it was like you were born to be a mother

so you told ryunosuke your new found passion,

and i admit; he was a little taken aback by this sudden change in your attitude

but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try with you.

“if it happens it happens.” that was your motto to each other.

but then it…didn’t happen

and it never happened.

you didn’t tell akutagawa, but you were upset

how were you supposed to tell him? he didn’t want children much!

so you secretly went to a fertility doctor

you didn’t bother asking akutagawa to come along, he’d either be noticed from his constant being on the news or catch someone staring too hard and rashomon would cause yet another death

but maybe you should’ve risked it because no one should’ve had to hear what you heard while alone

“i’m sorry ms y/n, but you seem to have some fertility issues. there seems to be an ovulatory disease that you have…”

the rest of the doctors words just droned on, but you couldn’t hear anything

it was like you had become the victim of a cruel prank by fate

the one thing you had slowly come to accept that you wanted - was ripped away before you could even grasp the idea of it

you couldn’t even go into work after the news was given to you, you sat at home waiting for akutagawa to get home

but how were you supposed to tell him? just blurt out you couldn’t make him a dad?

you decided to hold off on telling him, but your boyfriend wasn’t stupid

when he came home and you weren’t immediately jumping at the chance to talk about what the two of you did today he knew something was wrong

“ my dear, what’s wrong? ” akutagawa asked as he leaned himself on the door of your shared bedroom. usually when he stepped into your shared apartment he was met with the brightest toothiest grin from you, one of his favorite parts of the day, so when you didn’t greet him at the door he knew something was up. he walked into the room the two of you shared to find you curled up into yourself, visible tears that had dried on your perfect face. “ ‘m broken , ryu…”you sobbed out, causing the usually cold and stoic male to break the mask he’d worn all day while at work. “ what? dear, you’re not broken. ” he said simply, walking over to the bed and sitting beside you, rubbing your back. “ tell me what’s wrong, dear, please? ” he sounded so desperate to help you feel better about yourself. “ i cant have kids, ryu, i’m broken. ” your voice cracked as you looked back at him, mascara smeared off of your eyes and onto your under eyes. “ doctors said i cant have babies…” you hiccuped as he had to sit and process the words you said. “ oh my dear, it’s okay, we already have a family. the mafias our family.” he said softly as he laid down beside you, allowing you to crawl up into his arms. he quietly shushed you as he rocked you to sleep. even if you couldn’t make your own family, akutagawa would love you either way.

dazai

dazai and his weird obsession with finding a beautiful woman to commit with was what led him to you.

you had been a new hire in a bar that he’d liked to frequent after spending hours at work

when you came up to him to see if he was just going to stare at you or get a drink , he’d taken the leap

he immediately grabbed your hands, eyes sparkling as he looked up at you

“ would you like to commit a double suicide with me? ”

you were on the verge of tears because of how stressed you were from the other patrons, so laughing at this silly man made you feel much better

his face fell as he looked at you, but your laugh was just so enchanting

“ my belladonna…would you not like to commit with me ? ”

and that’s how you ended up in this now two year long relationship with osamu dazai

over the past two years you’d moved in with osamu and switched your job from bartending to work in the cafe below the armed detective agency.

you’d seen many kids come in and out with their parents during your shifts

and they’d never really made you feel anything…until recently.

everytime you saw a child come in with their family it made your chest feel strangely tight and achey

and then you realized, that you really really wanted kids

ones that looked like dazai and didn’t have his personality, preferably.

and when you brought it up to him, he just teased you-

“ my bella, you just want what leads to the babies, don’t you? you shouldn’t have to even ask for that.”

it doesn’t get through his thick skull that you really do want kids until you just straight up tell him

“ osamu, i want kids. bad. ”

and for a man so smart, he sounded so dumb

blabbing on and on about how you’d look so pretty pregnant, but with a suicidal fool like his child? he couldn’t imagine it!

but wouldn’t osamu be mean if he didn’t give his cute little girlfriend what she wanted 🫶🏼

so you tried for months and months to get pregnant

and it just never happened for you

you decided that maybe the two of you had some other factor leading to the constant negative pregnancy tests

so you both went to the doctor and had check ups on your sexual health along with dazais sperm counted and your uterus checked to see if something was wrong

the two of you were even joking around about not being able to have kids and how silly that sounded

oh how you wished you could take it all back

the doctor came back and gave the news quite swiftly

“ i’m afraid miss y/n has a factor we have yet to determine that causes her chances of successfully carrying a child to significantly drop. i’m so sorry. ”

you tried your best to seem stoic and unwavering, but your vision clouded even more by every second.

the doctor left to give you two some time together.

and that’s when the real tears came

“ oh, my bella…”dazai frowned as he looked at you, trying to hide your glassy eyes and quivering lips. he wasn’t dumb, he knew how you were- so brave and so strong trying to keep your composure. the male wrapped his bandaged arms around your body. and that’s when the tears finally came flowing out, your whole body shaking as you clung to the man you so desperately wanted children with. “i’m useless , ‘samu.” you cried into your lovers arms. “i can’t even do the one thing women are supposed to do!” the male rubbed your back, trying to console you, but how could he? the dream that had just started to grow in your mind had been crushed with one simple dream. “no, no , you’re not useless. you’re the farthest from useless.”he cooed into your hair, one hair rubbing your back continuously while the other was holding the back of your head. “ we’ll grow our own family, my belladonna. i promise you. ” and dazai osamu was a man of his word.

i really didn’t know much about infertility so i did some research, and i know it’s not the deepest dive into it; but i hope i did it justice!

if anyone would like a part 2 with other characters feel free to request it or just comment!

likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ;3

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242 notes · View notes

wannaeatramyeon · 10 months

Note

You hit the nail on the head! I‘ll ask for more professional assessment: honest opinion on Crystal?

Following on from my ramblings about Sally Park. Oops! Edited to add in Zoe too.

Well written female characters in Lookism? Uhh...

When the bar is at an all time low, it's really not hard to step over it.

At this point, I've been pavloved to think that any female character that expresses a personality trait other than 'simp' is pretty good. Simp is fun when it's part of a list of characteristics (Zack, Ryuhei). Not so much when it's the only thing.

Long live PTJ, the greatest feminist. Anyway.

Female characters I like

Mary Kim

Love her. Empress of 2 seconds. Queen of my heart.

Surprisingly kept a platonic relationship with Vin Jin, showing quite a healthy mixed gender friendship. Sassy and smart. Loyal. Good taste in men (Jace). Is shown having a life and interests outside of a man.

On my hands and knees praying that PTJ doesn't ruin her. Kinda glad she hasn't appeared in a while so she is kept away from his incessant need to turn everyone into a love interest.

Lua Im

Once we got over the odd Johan panels, which I heard the Korean audience didn't like and I'm quite happy about, she's fine. And it's not that I care that much about Johan staying a single dog-dad, I just needed a coherent reasoning/build up why they would be interested in one another.

Lua has potential.

Sourcing intel, even impressing the likes of Gun? A little Muay Thai knowledge? Jake and Jerry scared of her? Lol. Ok. Good. Let's build on this.

Just please don't white knight her.

Crystal Choi (meh)

And Ms. Choi, because anon specifically asked. I really don't mind her? I know she's meant to be anti-Lookism but still judges people based on their looks eh. That's fine. Pretty realistic actually. Whatever.

She can be a bit bitchy for no reason. So can I. Handwaving all that.

What I do take issue with though, is her so called title of Business Genius. Please show me the chapter where she actually does something to earn that title besides the one where other people ooh-ed and aah-ed over her in the meeting with DG.

Wow she's sooooo gorgeous. Ok good for her. If that's the route they're taking her character then at least OWN. THAT. SHIT. Use her beauty and looks to sign deals and get what she wants. GOOD. DO IT.

Zoe Park (also meh... Wait)

Sorry anon, I think 'really well written' is a bit of a reach... She does have some decent character development, starting as quite a flighty, shallow girl and then showing that she has a heart of gold, liking both Daniels and. Huh.

Wait. You're right. She is pretty well written. She's selfless and kind and loyal to her friends, putting up with Logan's bullshit. There's enough of a character arc for her from the Zoe we're introduced to at first.

And I do like that she's good at maths too.

Wasted potential

Minseong Kang (Jake's momma)

Appreciate this is the older generation and from a much more conservative culture. Saying that, I am so over the slighted and bitter housewife rotting at home while her big powerful husband cheats on her.

And then some sort of marriage redemption cos they pop out a kid. Whatever. (Sorry Jake bb, I love you).

If you were going to do that, give me the most toxic red flag shit where they are constantly at each other's THROATS. Show me how they are equals. Can't live with or without one another. That's the good kinda shit.

Leonn Lee

I just. What the fuck was this.

A girl in Burn Knuckles? A group that reeks of testerone and (positive) masculinity? Show us why she joined! Show us why she stays. SURPRISE. Main character trait?? Having a crush on Vasco.

She could have been SO interesting. And she obviously trains, why not get her to fight?

Hate for irrational reasons

Joy Hong

Listen, she's not really in enough or significant enough for me to really feel one way or another about her. BUT. The reason I HATE her is because I was trying to write a headcanon involving everyone and then I got to Joy and I was STUMPED.

Sub in a plank of wood, and it would have the same depth of personality.

Truly. Who is she apart from Jay's sister and a Daniel simp? At least everyone else has something.

Others

I don't really think about them. Sera Shin has potential I guess.

And of course a special mention to Daniel's momma. She's not exactly a unique character, but who doesn't love her?

LET. THEM. FIGHT.

Lastly. Why can't we see women fight? Like the men's fights are realistic LOL. Ultra instinct? Smashing through walls? So why are women fighting men outside the realms of this.

And yes yes. Men are SoOoOoOo strong. But can they take a kick to the balls?

Are you saying Gun Park has been training his dick and balls and would be able to eat a hit there? He wouldn't go down like a heap of shit??

HUH. TELL ME THAT.

In Summary

Mary by and large is pretty well written. Lua has improved.

I don't care much about anyone else.

And I wanna see Gun, Goo, Sammy, Vin etc. get kicked in the balls in a fight.

#is this my most disjointed rambling yet? quite possibly #if you made it to the end you sincerely deserve a medal #sorry if i've completely forgotten about any female character development loooool my bad #and sorry every time I refer to the women as females it makes me feel incel-y #lookism #lookism manhwa #lookism webtoon #lua im #mary kim #crystal choi #leonn lee #minseong kang #joy hong #wannaeatramyeon

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itsaspectrumcomic · 4 months

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hello, so, I have a question

I am not diagnosed, but i suspect that im autistic (my family also think i am), but I don't know how to explain to other people i know about my autistics experiences, like, how to explain that im having an sensory overload (also, sorry if something is kinda confusing, english isn't my first language)

and thanks for any possible answer :D

I have the exact same issue! That's actually part of why I started making these comics - I found it really hard to explain out loud but it made more sense to me if I could show how I felt with pictures :) I share my comics with my family and friends and I think it's helped them understand a lot more.

I think for explaining to people who might not know much about autism, it helps to be specific about what you struggle with, the impact it has on you, and what they can do to support you. So for an example with sensory overload, you could tell them you feel overwhelmed when things are too loud because it makes it hard to think, or hear, or causes you pain. And the other person could support you by turning their music down, lowering their voice, or helping you find somewhere quieter.

Another example: you struggle with changes in plans or routine and it causes you to become stressed, panic, or struggle to speak. The other person can support you by letting you know the schedule in advance and giving you a good amount of notice for anything that might change, and giving you time to adjust to a new routine.

You could also share videos or articles of other autistic people talking about experiences that you also relate to if you find it hard to put into words yourself.

I hope this is helpful!

#ask #anon ask #autism #neurodivergent #actually autistic #autistic #advice #its a spectrum

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 23 days

Note

(sorry in advance, english isn't my first language)

Hi, I hope you're good. So Im all new to the more specific info about autism, I think (well, Im almost 100% sure at this point) that i might be autistic and I wanted to ask something (I know that I could look it up online but i wanted to ask a person that might experience it themself).

The question is: do you also get this aching, more of a tickling feeling while wearing a certain type/all types of jewelry/accessories? I have it while wearing anything on my wrists and forearms, and i was corious if it was a type of sensory issue that more people have? Thank you

Hi there,

I get what you mean. I only wear jewelry for special occasions. Like a date with my boyfriend, or a family event.

My skin is extremely sensitive, so just a slight touch is enough to tickle me and make me laugh at times.

…this makes it difficult to be…intimate with my boyfriend.

So I don’t really wear jewelry. I don’t see no need unless it’s a special occasion.

Maybe my followers can share some of their thoughts and experiences.

Sorry if this doesn’t answer your question. I appreciate your inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

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cryptidofthekeys · 24 days

Text

im about to say somethin

that will get my burned at the stake

but hey- hey spookies- spooky month fandom

...BOTH Father Gregor AND Lila are in the wrong but also somewhat in the right

and heres why

SM 6 SPOILERS UNDERNEATH- if ya haven't seen it go watch it!

Father Gregor did have a point in saying what he did about Lila being an irresponsible mother ..NOW WAIT- BEFORE Y'ALL THROW YOUR STONES- hear me out, Father Gregor was right to some degree, bc she doooess kinda let Skid just fuckin run around unattended a LOT- i mean I grew up with technically a helicopter parent so I can't speak much on the issue

---------------------------

but Lila has legit let his ass summon a demon and play with em, let them watch horror movies at a young age, and legit lets Skid like,, go outside by himself ESPECIALLY late at night like,, that's pretty irresponsible that she isn't watching over him just a bit more

now do I think Father Gregor had a right to say well some of what he did- like the whole 'you don't even know why he's here and all you can do is drink' alladat nonsense- no,, he doesn't?? KNOW? Lila personally?

-----------------

like fucking hell, she LEGIT just got attacked by a fucking cannibal (IF Spooky Month takes place right after Tender Treats exactly, the calendar does say November) and also can I just say that Bob was legit her last straw, girl got an actual alarm system but anyways- not to mention Bob was well technically someone Lila knew or she wouldn't have had a reaction like that

--------------------------------

Also Father Gregor not practicing what his ass preaches if he be preaching the b*ble- there are SEVERAL and I mean SEVERAL instances and phrases revolving around Judgment and to not judge unto others, like yeah he was just looking at what he seen but he doesn't know what she's been through

---------------------------------

now that doesn't EXCUSE her being irresponsible but like lmao I've seen a few people throw down about it (i think it was mostly playful not like ACTUALLY serious gkfldfksd don't worry) but Lila DID leave Skid over at his friend's house, which was the safe thing to do- so she could go out and drink for a while, there's nothing wrong with going out to drink even if ya gotta kid, just so long as your responsible

---------------------------

So, in conclusion, BOTH of them are in the right and wrong, Father Gregor just called the situation as he saw it which is NOT a good thing to do most of the time but also, he is right to some degree that Lila is a LITTLE BIT of an irresponsible mother letting her son just, be unattended while going out (more specifically at night- letting him watch horror movies at his age, etc but also Lila ISN'T a bad mother by no means

-------------------------

she does love Skid, she does care for him obviously- hell if she didn't she wouldn't have been out there all night looking for him to protect him from Bob and NONE of it if she didn't give a shit bout her kid- but whether the Lila Lovers like it or not- Father Gregor does have a point to a certain degree

-----------------------------------

also tho legit- the scene where Skid talks about not wanting to be a problem and that he doesn't want Lila to be sad and then Lila has a breakdown and hugs him close eviscerated me- and even seeing Susie being concerned when Pump seems to upset

and apparently uh it's only gonna be worse from here (someone said, which Idk if this bit is true) but someone said Pelo had said in a stream (he streams on twitch I know that much sorry) but someone said that Pelo said the next episode is gonna be even worse

-------------------------------------

.... but anyways lol thats just how I see the thing between Father Gregor and Lila- I'm not even that like,, attached to those characters- I'm attached to Bob, Dexter, and Frank so lmao

#spooky month sr pelo #spooky month 6 #spooky month hollow sorrows #spooky month 6 spoilers #spooky month hollow sorrows spoilers #father gregor #spooky month lila #skid and pump

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intriq · 6 months

Note

I love being silly in ur asks!!!!

How do you think the Batfam would react to you being unexpectedly good at one of their "niche" (that isn't the right word I'm sorry) skills? Like gun skills(Jay) or flexibility (Dick)- 🌻

(You also don't have to do this pookie Intri I just love asking questions)

cackling, giggling even. im going to do this. ive been stewing over this since you sent it to me.

Tim - photography

He's probably a little surprised, no doubt. He's got a knack for photography, he's pretty good at it. I wouldn't be surprised if he has some sort of side job where people commission him for photos. He finds it to be a pleasant surprise when you give him a photo you took yourself as a little gift. It doesn't really matter if it's a picture of him or not, he'll still probably find a safe place to keep it so he can always look at it. He makes it a regular thing to trade photos with you after too.

Barbara - computers

Barbara doesn't exactly learn that your good at computers in person or directly. She hears it from the others after one night she wasn't available to provide information as Oracle and you instead did your thing just as smoothly, like it wasn't even an issue to navigate the Batcomputer in her place. She'll probably invite you to hangout with her after, trading tricks that'll no doubt sharpen not only her knowledge, but yours too.

Dick - flexibility

Hands down, Dick is shocked. He doesn't even know until one day you just so happen to showcase it while taking some thug down while on patrol with him, and he's obsessed there after. He probably constantly tries to see if there's anything he can do you can't, and he's probably always wrong in the end. Bonus points if there's something you can do that he can't, so he will pester you to teach him. Your definitely his new favorite person to patrol with after.

Jason - gun skills

He doesn't really let it show but he would be surprised. Amazed may be a bit of an overstatement, but it really depends on the type of person you are. If you don't look the type-- in his eyes-- to wield a gun, then yeah he's an amazed kind of surprised. Otherwise he's kind of neutral about it. He'd probably be interested in seeing if you can show him up in some gun tricks, though.

Bruce - strategy

He doesn't even notice it at first. He's far too busy planning something out when you offer your input that is incredibly thought out, and he runs with it. He adds it to his plan and it moves swimmingly, far better than expected. It doesn't click with him that you're a good strategist until after the mission he was planning for was all said and done.

Duke & Steph - puzzles & riddles [steph specifically]

Steph probably doesn't have much of a reaction. She's probably entirely neutral about it, a little uncaring. She'd still talk with you about it, though. Duke, though, is probably the total opposite. All hyped up and energized about it, happy that he's got something to talk with you about. Not to mention it's probably a topic you and him would enjoy discussing. He's just a hyperactive happy kid, I feel.

Cass - stealth

I feel like Cass would be surprised your good at stealth in its own aspect. No matter how she learns it, it'll probably lead to her staring at you and wondering "how the fuck did you do that" over and over.

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t00nyah · 10 months

Text

t00nyah explaining project moon without actually explaining project moon

after posting lcb trigger warning i wanted to do this

me explaining project moon in the shortest way possible except its goofy af bc im eepy and lazy but im in a desperately talkative mood (i post mostly about limbus company since it came out cmon)

what the fuck is projmoon:

project moon is the coolest ever indie game development team we love them; they've made three games so far, also have an unfinished novel, a...idk, just another novel that was initially a comic but im a hater (im sorry(not)), and another comic

they've been doing it for like 7 years almost and still have no idea what optimization is but its okay we love them

there's a lot of killing and just amoral guys in general who can and will kill thousands. its THE 'your meow meow killed thousands of people' 'and they looked good doing it!' universe. everyone is fucked up there guys. but UMMM thats kinda the appeal

so the games! we all here are gamerzzz!

it all started 6 years ago, when lobotomy corporation released in early access and my gf was like hey look what i found

lobotomy corp is a game where you're a manager in a big company, L corp, and you have to get your guys, employees(lucky ones who got the job) to work with abnormalities(fucked up creatures) so they would generate enkephalin, a big energy resource

except your guys will probably die when you're already so attached to them so you just restart the day each time this happens

theres like a maaassive plot, it is the beginning of literally everything, like some stuff still haunts us in limbus company (looking at a particular individual) and there are more characters that you'll fucking love(sephirahs) and then learn their fucked up story (and then learn your fucked up story and not be happy about it)

ah yes while im on it theres no actual self incert in project moon games im sorry but every character IS a character

gameplay-wise you just have to organize your guys, give them equipment, assign them to a job, make them suffer and struggle to suppress abnormalities if they try to make a mess(kill everyone) and do hard tasks your besties make you do

LoR

later, in like 2018 i think, they almost immediately after full release of LC announced a sequel, library of ruina

library of ruina is a game that continues the story(duh) and i can't tell you much about it without spoiling lob corp too, but in this one you have to USE BRAIN like A LOT because its a STRATEGY CARD GAME

in this one you dont even have a character you play as, you just follow the characters' on their journey. but dw! you'll get your own customizable guys to adore here too!

basically in this game the characters from LC and your guys are called librarians and you have to greet guests of the library, that were specifically invited there and /tp-ed, basically fighting them. every battle has its own story and eventually it branches off into four arcs and oh gott i love library of ruina a'right you meet characters for like one story and then have to fight them knowing their issues and how life fucked them over enough to get there</3

gameplay-wise you build cool decks from cards of those you've killed for your guys, pick guys for fight and then pick cards. simple. i think. not so simple in game but i simplified it

there's also a lot of amazing lore drops, bc in LC we were kinda isolated and focused on the corporation, but in LoR? we get to see all kinda of people of The City, we learn about The City, we learn about factions and all, we get all the lore we missed by being stuck in that manager chair

LCB

okay and now we're here. limbus my fucking company.

limbus company was, again, announced almost immediately after LoR's full release(PM are CRAZY), and released february 27 of this year, and already has more story in word count than lor does or so i've heard...

limbus company is pm's first mobile game(but dw there is a steam release if you're more of a pc person or your phone will explode if you try to install it(and it will)) and their first...(behold) gacha game. yep. but no dont get scared it actually has the best gacha system ever known to men

they've also tried to make it enjoyable without getting into previous games but to me it doesnt feel right i dunno i feel like it's just not that cool without knowing the context and going insane screaming at carmen or connecting the dots, also like the events of LCB are all connected to LC and LoR, so ummm if you try to get into limbus without at least learning what the other games contain be ready i'll personally explode you

in this game you basically play as dante(they/them for the sake of mysteriousness of 'who TF they are') and you have 12 deranged guys named the sinners who are ALL BASED OFF FUCKING CLASSIC LITERATURE did you fucking know pm are fucking literacy nerds and cant have a game without book references without exploding??? well they are.

so the characters (IN CASE YOU'RE INTERESTED) are:

1. gregor (metamorphosis, franz kafka)

2. rodion (crime and punishment, fyodor dostoyevsky)

3. (emil) sinclair (demian, hermann hesse)

4. yi sang (the wings, yi sang (kim hae-gyeong))

5. ishmael (moby dick, herman melville)

6. heathcliff (wuthering heights, emily bronte)

7. don quixote (don quixote, miguel de cervantes)

8. hong lu (dream of the red chamber, cao xueqin)

9. ryoshu (hell screen, ryunosuke akutagawa)

10. meursault (the stranger, albert camus)

11. outis (the odyssey, homer)

12. faust (faust, johann wolfgang von goethe)

also don't forget dante is based on the divine comedy by dante alighieri!

also dante DOESNT FUCKING KNOW SHIT. faust seems to know all shit and never tell dante.

i mentioned it being a gacha game. so like. you dont pull characters. instead you pull the initial deranged guys' alternative versions where they end up on another job like cult leader or a terrorist idk

the best part? you dont necessarily have to get them from gacha in most cases, you can get special currency, ego shards, to get whatever you want separately. also pm added ideality that you get from unfortunate pulls that you can spend on the special identity from the banner. but tbh i think its way easier to get the shards needed than pull that much, not really worth it

gameplay-wise? well. you have to basically just choose your guys' identities(those alt versions, they use them in fights to be stronger), choose their skills, a little similar to ruina (except TBH lcb lets you fuck around and put it on auto until it doesnt really work out (please dont autoplay with r corp ishmael or at least check what they're doing you silly goop they might do friendly fire if you're stupid enough)). the game consists of cantos, chapters that tell you a separate story of a sinner(in the order i gave earlier, not everyone knows that), that have story-episodes(cool ones), story-and-fight-then-episodes(epic ones), and sometimes just-fight-episodes(who the fuck thought those are a good idea?). and in the end of a canto there's always a dungeon. honestly, first two cantos are easy enough to just learn basics yourself, im rambling at this point

there's also hellish grind options and paid stuff like battle pass with the coolest perks ever

also LoR and LCB have mili songs, which is fucking cool, they're such bangers. no no projmoon games' ost in general. just fuckign bangers my guys and i mean it.

well that was fun and games. like i mentioned theres also:

Distortion Detective

im such a fucking fan of this unfinished novel, im so upset they abandoned it </3 pm did say they're probably going to rework it as a game or smth later but in my opinion it just loses its charm if its not a novel

distortion detective ... i cant explain it without spoilers to the games but its basically about moses, the distortion detective, who solves distortions which are like uhhmmm... people turning into some funky shit(that expresses their feelings). and she has a parthner named ezra. they're both poor traumatized women. and stuff happens. thats all i can say without spoiling everything. you learn a lot about the distortion phenomenon from moses' perspective.

WonderLab

wonderlab is a comic made by artist mimi, that follows taii, rose and catt. its about another lobotomy corp branch that actually introduces us to the concept of abnormality aberrations (slightly similar but different abnormalities like we have a little red riding hooded mercenary's(do you remember me mentioning pm being literacy nerds?) team fortress blue team version or whatever) that is used in limbus quite a lot so we old people from LC can be like 'heehehehe this is like like snow white's apple's aberration, so funny, reminds me of good ol' days...'

Leviathan

my main enemy. initially it was a comic, but i think they had to stop working with the artist for some reason and continue it as a novel instead.

issue?

i didnt read it. im so sorry i failed you. but i cant. first vergilius, main character, is ugly AS FUCK and he's STUPID i hate his guts. BUT OH DEAR LORD HE APPEARS IN LIMBUS COMPANY AND I HATE HIM EVEN MORE. AND NOT JUST APPEARS, HE'S THE GUIDE OF THE BUS, HE'S KINDA ALWAYS THERE. I HATE HIS GUTS. oh hey lap-- charon, no, you're good, you're amazing, vroom-vroom, yes, right, you're so right.

i'm pretty sure it has A LOT of important context for some stuff in LCB but i just CAN'T MAKE MYSELF TOUCH IT. please read leviathan for me.

i'm sorry it turned into a looong ramble but here's t00nyah's awful brief guide to project moon. in case you want to know about world-building or the story in particular...i'm always here to dm me. please do. i really love telling people about project moon. there's just a lot to unpack.

edit. okay apparently it was easy to misinterpret my leviathan commentary so im putting this here for the sake of clearing the confusions for future!! tl;dr: i know it wasn't continued as a comic for REASONS, it's OBVIOUS!! and yes, leviathan is important, i just can't make myself read it therefore don't have enough knowledge to write about it(cool idea: write your own post about leviathan if you're seeing this and are enthusiastic about it! i just won't.), i still don't like vergilius, it's just a me-thing. DO read leviathan if you're interested</3

edit2. after thinking for a while, decided to add this just in case: i was given a summary of leviathan! well. it IS something. (opinion on vergilius hasn't changed much sorry not sorry, still a me-thing.) but yeah 👍 all good 👍 still not liking it much, mayhaps because i couldn't read it myself, but. it can be found here in the comment section.

#project moon #lobotomy corporation #library of ruina #limbus company #distortion detective #wonderlab #not taggin leviathan pm people are gonna fucking tear me apart for the slander

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haddonfieldwhore · 1 year

Text

unexpected- bela dimitrescu

bela dimitrescu x reader

warnings: brief violence, mentions of blood/blood drinking, potential stockholm syndrome undertones? this probably has so many plot holes, maybe hints of nsfw for like 2 seconds

you felt your knees scrape against the stone floor as you were thrown to the ground, along with 2 other people who were in the same position. you had been on a solo hiking trip when you got well… incredibly lost, to say the least. you weren’t sure what the case was for the other abductees, but you assumed something similar happened for them to end up in this enormous castle along with you.

your head felt fuzzy and your vision was slightly blurred from bumping your head, as you heard what sounded like… insects? in the middle of winter? you must have hit your head harder than you thought. the buzzing sound was replaced with the sound of laughter - the unfriendly kind - as three figures dressed in dark clothes seemed to almost materialize in the room with you, until one of them stood over each of you. you looked up at the figure, now able to see that it was a blonde woman, with dark makeup and was that- blood? dripping down her lips? regardless, you couldn’t help but think that you had never seen anyone so-

“beautiful,” you muttered, unintentionally saying the end of your thought aloud. she looked at you curiously, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of her dark stained lips. “i - im sorry.. i didn’t-,” you mumbled, as she leaned closer,her face now a few inches above yours. you could now tell that you had in fact heard insects; they were flying around her and crawling across her body. you found yourself unable to speak, both in awe of her beauty and terrified of whatever she was going to do to you.

“well,” she laughed. “i must say, that is not quite the reaction i’m used to from captured prey.” her dark fingernails traced along your collarbone, and you shivered. what exactly did she mean by prey? your attention was drawn to your left, and one of the other captives let out an ear piercing scream, and you saw one of the other cloaked figures biting into his neck. you felt the blondes cold hand on your throat, turning you head back to look at her.

“i’ll do anything you want,” you said, staring up at her with innocent eyes, and it sent an excited chill up the woman’s spine.

“i know you will, little one.”

•••

that had been three months ago, and you counted your blessings every day that you were still alive. you were the only one of the three humans captured that day, and you still were in disbelief when you woke up each morning. bela, the blonde who had taken you, had surprised even herself when she made the decision to keep you. maybe your blood tasted that good, or maybe she liked the way you looked at her, you weren’t sure, but you found yourself quickly growing fond of the eldest dimitrescu sister.

cassandra and daniela, bela’s younger siblings, were perhaps even more shocked when the blonde had said a week after you had arrived, that you were off limits; not to be harmed in any way. the specifics didn’t matter, whether you were her pet or personal blood bag, you were hers and hers alone. you have her blood when she needed to feed, and despite her mothers protests, bela had designated a bedroom near hers to be yours. her mother, alcina, was against keeping a human here for any reason other than to drain them dry of their blood, other than the maids. you offered to work, free of charge (keeping your life was payment enough in your eyes). the money was not an issue to the countess, but she surrendered and agreed after belas constant pestering.

her sisters were shocked; they had never seen their older sister like this, and frankly, it scared them a little. how could they trust someone like you- an outsider, a human? sure, you had very little chance of ever escaping the castle and even less of a chance of getting out of the village alive and alerting anyone of their existence. and who would believe you? bela kept you on a short leash, never letting you too far out of her sight; not that you were complaining. from the small amount you had explored the castle, you knew you would get lost in a heartbeat, or find yourself in inescapable danger.

you were sitting in the garden, admiring the flowers, your fingers tracing the delicate petals of the roses that somehow were still in bloom in the cold winter. one of the maids came out to find you, since the sisters could not go out in the cold.

“lady bela is asking for you, dear,” she spoke. the other maids were friendly enough towards you, but a little cautious, knowing you were so close to bela and not wanting to get on any of the dimitrescus bad side.

“thank you, mary,” you smiled. “do you have scissors with you?” you asked the older woman. she patted the pockets of her apron, and found a small pair of shears, offering them to you. you thanked her again, carefully snipping a single red rose from the bush. you have back the shears and headed inside, carefully carrying the bloom with you as you hurried to bela’s room.

you knocked on the door, hiding the rose behind your back while you waited for her to open the door. you smiled at the blonde when she appeared in the doorway, and she looked you up and down playfully.

“what are you hiding, little dove?” she asked, a smile spreading across her face as you presented the rose to her. “does mother know you’re stealing her flowers again?” she teased as she took it gently from your hand, admiring the crimson petals.

“no, but i’m hoping she won’t miss just one of them. and i thought since you don’t get to see them all winter…” you explained, and she smiled back at you.

“very thoughtful. thank you.” she sniffed the air slightly. “are you bleeding?” you looked down as she grabbed your hand, and there was indeed a pin prick of blood on one of your fingers.

“it must be from one of the thorns- im sorry.” you apologized, but she just laughed, bringing your fingertip to her lips and sucking gently it, until the bleeding stopped.

“all better,” she smiled. she walked over to the dresser and placed the rose in a vase, taking out a long dead one that you had brought her weeks ago.

“mary said you were looking for me?” you remembered why you came inside in the first place.

“do i need a reason to want to see you?” she teased. bela often danced around answering questions, but you had grown used to it at this point. “come here,” she said, now sitting on the bed. you obeyed, sitting next to her, before she tackled you into the bed, pinning you down.

“bells-“ you exclaimed as her weight on top of you knocked the wind out of you. she smiled at the nickname, and you could see her sharp canines.

“you know, i already ate this morning but i can’t help myself; you taste too sweet,” she laughed, but instead of biting your neck like you thought she would, she leaned down and pressed her lips to yours. your eyes widened, but you couldn’t help but kiss her back. her lips were surprisingly soft, and even as her teeth nibbled at your bottom lip, you couldn’t help but notice how gentle she was being.

her kisses trailed down your jaw, before you felt the familiar sensation of her fangs sinking into your neck. it hurt, but you had grown used to the feeling by now, having given her your blood many times. you were starting to feel dizzy, and almost as if she could tell, bela pulled away, smiling with red stained teeth at the way your fingers clung tightly the the fabric of her sleeve.

“rest, little human,” she muttered, pulling the blankets over your tired form and tucking you into her bed. you could barely keep your eyes open, but you could’ve sworn you felt the bed dip next to you.

•••

you awoke a few hours later, although you weren’t sure what time it was as the curtains in the castle were always closed to keep out the sun and the winter air. despite the castles cold interior, you were warm and cozy, and you looked at the bedding around you, delicate patterns of black and red surrounding you. the felt someone stroking you hair gently, and could hear a quiet humming from the person sat next to you. you looked up to see bela sat with her back against the headboard.

“good morning sleepy head,” she teased. “did you sleep well?” you nodded in response, although still tired. unable to stop yourself, you curled closer to her, wrapping your arms around her waist and laying your head in her lap. she made a small gasp in surprise, as never in her life had someone clung to her so adorably. how could she feel this way about a human? she thought to herself, surely her mother and sisters would berate her for going soft.

to say that bela never expected to be in this situation was perhaps the biggest understatement ever. but your soft little sounds you made as you snuggled into her, despite her lack of body heat, made her cold heart swell for the first time in what felt like forever.

“stay close to me little dove,” she cooed. “there are horrors in this world you could never even dream. but i will keep you safe.” she gently touched the two small puncture wounds on your neck where her fangs had pierced your skin.

“i will be the only thing to ever harm you.”

#bela dimitrescu #resident evil #resident evil village #re8 #bela dimitrescu x reader #bela dimitrescu imagine #dimitrescu x reader #dimitrescu daughters #dimitrescu sisters #bela dimitrescu fic #bela dimitrescu fanfiction

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buglord-isaac · 1 year

Text

Angst angst angst (part 4)

Ghost was silent. He seemed stunned by Soap’s outburst. Soap shook his head and went into the bathroom to wash his face. He needed to compose himself. He closed his eyes and scrubbed his face with the palms of his hands, thinking about what he would say when he came back out of the bathroom so he wouldn’t cry when he did so. He dried off, took a breath, then left the bathroom. He was greeted by Ghost standing directly in front of him, looking down at him with concerned eyes.

“It hurt, Ghost… I mean… physically and mentally. I thought we really had something going there, the jokes, the chatting, the reliance on each other. But I guess I get attached too easily… I misunderstood mission friendship and friendship friendship… it’s an issue I’ve always had…” He felt the tears returning and tried to fight them back. “I really like you as a person, Ghost. I love your shitty jokes. I respect your skills. I’m sorry I fucked up and got hurt, but at least you weren’t hurt. I detonated two missiles, man, after they fucking launched! I killed graves in a tank with an assault rifle and c4! I’m not useless!”

By now he had failed his task to keep his tears at bay. They were free flowing and Ghost could see it. He watched as Ghost reached forward and touched Soap’s forearms with gentle fingers.

“Soap…”

His eyes were kind… even through Soap’s teary eyes he could see Ghost’s kind and gentle eyes. He was so expressive with those eyes. His hands wrapped slowly around Soap’s body and pulled him into a hug, one hand wrapped around his back and the other holding his head pressed into Ghost’s chest.

“You’re not useless. I was so angry because I can’t seem to stand seeing you hurt… I felt so protective of you that the very idea and sight of you being hurt made me furious… I never blamed it on you… I don’t know why I said any of that bullshit to you. The more hurt I see you, the worse I feel. I just want to rip the head off whoever decided they’d lay a hand on you. Im… I’m sorry I yelled at you, Johnny…”

He couldn’t hold himself back anymore and wrapped his own arms around Ghost, holding him with a kind of desperation he had never felt before. His fingertips dug into the fabric of his clothes and he just let himself be held there. It felt safe. It was something he had wanted for a while, to be hugged by Ghost specifically.

“Please don’t yell at me again… unless it’s an order on a mission… I don’t like being yelled at…”

“I won’t… I promise I won’t. I hate seeing you hurting. I would never want to be the cause of that hurt.”

Soap looked up at him, close, each in each others’ personal bubbles. His eyes were probably red, as were his cheeks and ears. All from his crying. Ghost’s eyes searched Soap’s, so he hid back in his chest again and was accepted with even tighter hands.

“You’d better make it up to me then, L.T.”

“Oh and this isn’t making it up to you? If you didn’t know, I don’t hug people.”

“Do you want me to be happy or not?”

“Fuck sake…”

Soap smiled and separated himself from Ghost, wiping his face and taking a deep breath to finally reconcile himself.

“You went on a mission, right?”

“Affirmative.”

“Come back here after dinner and we can just talk about it. Gaz and I love a good post-mission gossip.”

“… Fine. But I’m watching you train so you don’t fuck your body over.”

Soap shrugged. “Fair trade.”

(Yes there will be more)

#cod mw2 #ghost call of duty #ghostsoap #ghost x soap #soap cod #ghost fanfiction #soapghost #johnny mactavish #cod modern warfare #call of duty #ghost cod

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