#if i've missed something i either do not know the reference or am not sure about it
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T. A. R (Time, Appreciation, Respect)
(I'll always want you part 2)
Synopsis: Ony was calling Y/N constantly these days, trying to always reach out to talk and say his piece. Y/N wasn't sure if she was ready for it.
C.W. Angst, Black coded reader, Drug use (weed). Song links used as reference.
Fanfic inspired by the following song.
Solange: Cranes in the sky
Link for part one here
Time had passed since your confrontation with Ony on that fateful night. The sting of betrayal still lingered, casting a shadow over your every thought and action. You still find herself unable to shake the memories of everything that took place between you and Ony and the raw emotions it had unleashed.
It's 2:30 AM. You lie awake, replaying the conversation with Ony in your mind. A part of you acknowledges he may be right, yet you find it impossible to converse without being overwhelmed by emotions.
You heard Annie out on her part to play in all this but not Ony. You didn't have class until 2pm today so you had enough time to sleep some more if needed. You got out of bed, stretched, went to your desk to journal to clear your mind.
You lit the candle on your desk, opened your journal and poured your feelings into it. The pen felt heavy in your hand, similar to how your heart felt in your chest. You wrote about the confusion swirling within you, torn between the logic of Ony's words and the ache of betrayal that still lingered deep within your soul. Memories flashed through your mind of happier times, of sad times and every moment in between. You knew you should hear him out but, you couldn't decide if you were ready or not.
You closed the journal and texted Sasha to see if she was awake. You needed someone to talk to. Sasha responded almost immediately saying she's in the area, so she'd be over in a few and she has Connie and Eren with her.
You sighed and responded. You went to your kitchen to make a quick midnight snack for you and your quests. 15 mins later, at your apartment is Sasha, Connie and Eren.
Connie: "Is it okay if I smoke in here. Between Uni, my music shit and other shit. I'm stressed out."
You: "It's cool. I do smoke sometimes, well used to with Ony. Speaking of Ony. He's been calling my phone nonstop.
*Turns to Eren* He said you've been on his ass about me. Eren the fuck you on boy.
Eren sighed "Look I'm just looking out for him. Ony is taking this harder that I've seen him take anything. Him and I go way back. Ony only shows up to class, messages me for some weed well hella weed. He aint even in the studio much either."
You knew Eren, Connie, Mikasa and Ony were music majors at Paradis University which you all attended. Eren was the lowkey producer type that makes beats to rival the greats. Connie is a rising hip hop artist and Ony is a cross between Trap Soul and Rap. Mikasa was the soulful girl with a beautiful voice. You knew Ony never missed studio time for nothing, so you knew he was struggling.
"When last did he show up." Y/N asked Eren with some concern in her tone.
"Probably 2 months ago before that it was 3 months before that. Look you don't have to force yourself to talk to him or bear his wounds or help him heal from the mess he made on his own. It ain't your job to, What I'm asking is if you can hear him out even if its 5 minutes if you can't then Imma tell him to drop it."
You sat in silence for a bit truly wondering what to do, so you turned to Sasha. "Honestly I want to hear him out, I do but I need more time. I know everyone thinks I forgave Annie so easy, but Ony and I had something deeper than Annie and I had even with our years of friendship. Ya we were fighting and at odds that time but..I know I'm being dumb cause Annie is just as responsible as he was. I just need to clear my head some more."
Connie took a toke of his joint and passed it to Eren then Eren to Sasha. Sasha pulled out her phone and connected it to the speakers in your apartment and started playing L.E.S by Childish Gambino. They all passed the joint around the room you took a few hits here and there. Eren was mindlessly scrolling through his IG to see Ony posted a 15 sec video on IG with a link in the caption to his YouTube to his latest track Amphetamine.
Eren blurted out with a bit of shock, "What the fuck, Ony just dropped a new song. It looks like he changed his artist's name from Ony to Soro. I mean he mentioned the change last time he came in the studio. Yo Sasha disconnect real quick lemme listen to this real quick."
Sasha disconnected her phone to allow Eren to pull up the track. " The song is almost 8 mins WTF is Ony on" Eren says.
The beat kicks in with this smooth, laid-back vibe that immediately hooks you in. Everyone's silent giving the track a listen.
" It's like an amphetamine, how it marinate on my mind (stuck on me, yah) Got no doubt I'll be alright, if I just make it through the night."
You can hear, almost feel the range of emotions in the song. You can hear Ony's voice pouring out his feelings. The beat changes around 2:48 seconds in giving a whole different vibe to the song.
"Shawty cold as December, I still fold her, no Manila B-b-b-brr wit me baby, I hibernate, smoke the lettuce."
Everyone was vibing with the song until they heard Mikasa's voice drop on the track around 4:28 Everyone a bit surprised since Mikasa doesn't easily do features even if it's with her friends. Connie laughed a bit "He got Mikasa on this with him. Damn he really went all out. Aye Eren aint this the same beat he said he didn't want around 5 maybe 6 months ago?" Eren laughed thinking back to when he played this beat for Ony, and he said he hated it. Ony owed him big time for this, but he'll circle back to it. As the song finished. You sat with your eyes full of tears. You thought to yourself that you could feel every emotion Ony sang about in the song. The loss of their relationship, his struggles with his mental health and so much more.
Connie was the first the chime in when the song ended "Damn that was.... deep." "Yah it was Ony really flipped the script on this one." Eren chimed in.
Eren got a notification that Ony was live on IG. He clicked on it. He saw he was talking about his just dropped song and other usual shit that's going on in his life.
Ony's eyes were the newfound usual shade of slight bloodshot red from smoking and hardly any sleep. He was reading off a comment asking him who inspired him to write the song. he responded with "Someone but also no one."
Ony's voice flowed through the speakers in your apartment causing Eren to disconnect his phone to watch the live a bit easier.
He commented saying "Fire track man, wish you'd let me know you were droppin a song man."
Ony read the comment out loud and smirked and said "Sorry man. I wanted it to be a personal project, but I owe you one big time for the beat."
Ony and Eren were engaging in their usual banter in the comments of Ony's Instagram live. You were deep in thought when Ony read aloud a comment from someone claiming his song was inspired by his ex-girlfriend. Ony and you had a semi-public relationship, which is due to his rising fame as a Trap Soul/rap artist.
Ony sighed, his mind drifting back to the last time he saw you in person, when you came to return his belongings from your place. He had seen you around campus since then, but it simply wasn't the same. His response was "It was inspired by pain. Pain of loss, loss of love, loss of hopes, loss of dreams. Loss of self. She's part of something I lost in my life."
Ony paused, his gaze drifting off as he recalled the bittersweet memories. He took a deep breath, trying to push away the ache in his chest as he continued, his voice laden with emotion. "So yeah, she's part of what I lost, but 'Amphetamine' is also about finding myself again. It's about reclaiming my voice, my truth, and pouring it all out into my music."
A faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips, though sadness lingered in his eyes. "Maybe one day she'll hear this song and understand. Understand that she's not just a memory, but a muse who ignited something within me, something I'll carry with me forever."
With that, Ony concluded, the weight of his words hanging heavy in the air. The live disconnected indicating he ended it abruptly.
As the live session ends abruptly, the room falls into a heavy silence. You, sits with a mix of emotions swirling within yourself. Ony's words echo in your mind, resonating deeply with your own conflicted feelings. You can't shake the sense of nostalgia and longing that his music and words evoke. Sasha breaks the silence, her voice soft yet determined. "Y/N, are you okay?" she asks, her concern evident.
You took a moment to collect your thoughts before responding. "I don't know, Sasha," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.
Sasha nods understandingly, her eyes reflecting empathy. "I get it. It's hard to hear someone express their pain so openly, especially when it's intertwined with your own." Eren chimes in, his tone reflective. "Yeah, but maybe that's what he needs right now. It's better than him bottling it up and tryna smoke it all away."
Connie exhales a puff of smoke, his expression contemplative. "True, but it's also a lot to unpack. Y/N, you don't have to rush into anything. Take your time to process everything, to figure out what you need and want. What Ony did was messed up"
You nod, grateful for your friends' support. "Thanks, guys. I think…I think I need some time alone to sort through my thoughts."
With that que, Eren, Sasha and Connie left your apartment. you walk through your apartment heading to your room, the melody of Ony's song still echoing in your mind. Your emotions even more confusing than when you talked to Ony earlier. You looked at the time. It was almost 5 am. You decided to shower and head back to bed, hoping to get some rest before class.
Your mind was restless, torn between Ony's latest track and his words during the IG live, you were conflicted. On one hand, you acknowledged missing him, but on the other, infidelity was something you could never condone in a relationship. You recognized a desire to listen to his explanation, yet you feared your heart might not endure his version of the events.
The weight of Ony's words hangs heavy in the air, suffocating your mind with intense thoughts. Alone amidst the dim glow of your bedside lamp, the words "Maybe one day she'll hear this song and understand." taunt you with the possibility of reconciliation and closure. You thought to yourself "How could I ever hope to understand the depths of his pain when my own wounds still bleed with the memory of his betrayal?"
Finally entering your room, you sink onto the edge of the bed, burying your face in trembling hands, desperate to silence the cacophony of thoughts threatening to consume you.
"Take your time to process everything, to figure out what you need and want." Connie's words echo faintly in her mind. With a trembling sigh, you rise from the bed, your steps faltering as you make your way to the bathroom. The steady stream of water cascades over your trembling form, washing away the tears that stain your cheeks.
"It's 5 am. I should try to get some rest before class," you think to yourself. Climbing out of the shower, your limbs feel heavy. Wrapping yourself in a towel, the fabric offers a feeble shield against the lingering chill. You dress slowly, abandoning your usual routine for the simple comfort of bed, seeking to calm your mind. Eventually, you drift into sleep, the confusion in your heart, perhaps even greater than before.
*Slight Time Skip*
You finished up her class for the evening, your Textile Science class drained your mind. you run into Eren, Connie, Armin and Pieck in the courtyard chattin it up.
"Yo, Y/N!" Armin hollered, his grin wide as he motioned for her to come over. You gave a small nod, casually strolling over as they kept chattin'. It helped take your mind off things for a sec.
"So, y'all ready for tonight?" Armin asked, his eyes sparklin' with excitement. "Tonight?" you echoed, feeling a bit lost.
Armin leaned in closer, speakin' low like it was a secret. "The party, It's goin' down at my place. everybody's rolling through." You thought about if Ony was gonna be there since going Armin's parties was one of their go to things as a couple.
You shifted uncomfortably, tryna come up with an excuse to bail but before you could say anythin', Sasha and Mikasa slid through, bringin' a burst of energy to the scene. "Hey, y'all!" Sasha greeted; her smile infectious as she pulled you into a hug.
Mikasa gave a nod, her expression serious as she peeped Y/N with concern.
"Y/N, you gotta come through tonight," Pieck chimed in, her voice smooth and persuasive. "You never show up to the parties, and it's gonna be lit." Y/N hesitated, caught between the comfort of being alone and the fear of missing out on the squad's vibe.
Just then, Ony strolled past, casting a shadow over Y/N's mood. She felt a surge of anger bubbling up inside, memories of their messy situation flooding back.
Armin, clueless as ever, turned to Ony with a hopeful grin. "Yo, you coming tonight, Ony?"
Ony glanced at you for a sec before turning back to Armin, his face unreadable. But before he could answer, you spoke up with fire in your voice. "I ain't showing if he's gonna be there," you stated, pointing your finger at Ony with a fierce look.
The air got heavy; the tension thick enough to cut with a knife. Y/N's heart raced as she waited for Ony's response. But instead of coming back at you, Ony just nodded quietly, his eyes holding a hint of regret before he dipped out.
You caught the concerned glances of your friends. You knew your emotions were a bit confusing being torn between wanting to hear him out, missing him then not wanting to be around him. Even though almost much time had passed, her emotions still felt raw.
You looked around to your friend group who was gauging your reaction to seeing Ony. Each stare, felt like a trap a push to make a decision you weren't ready for.
"I can't do this," you muttered, your voice barely above a whisper as you took a step back, your eyes darting between your friends and a mental escape route. Sasha's hand on your arm stopped you in your tracks, her grip firm yet gentle. "You can't run from this forever, Y/N, you're gonna have to address this or find the will to move on" she said softly, her eyes reflecting a depth of understanding. You stared at Sasha's face trying to gauge her facial expression and reaction "I know, Sash I know." you whispered hoarsely, your voice cracking with emotion. "But I'm not ready to face him, not yet. I don't know if I ever will be."
With that said you turned and left them there, briskly walking back to catch an uber back to your apartment.
----------------------------While you left-----------------------------------
Eren stared at Armin, scoffing with annoyance "Bro, how you gonna forget they ain't together no more? Ony straight up did her dirty with Annie."
Armin sighed and took a step back. "I know but they're both my friends and I want them both to be happy and come out more. guess I messed up by asking them out around each other. It's just that we hardly get to chill with both of them around, you know...it's tough."
Eren shook his head, his frustration evident in his furrowed brow. "I get that, Armin, but you gotta realize it's not just about them being happy. Ony really hurt Y/N, man. And seeing him around just brings back all that pain."
Armin's shoulders slumped in defeat, his expression reflecting the weight of his guilt. "I know, Eren, I know," he muttered, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I just... I don't know how to fix this mess."
Sasha, who had been listening quietly, spoke up with a sympathetic tone. "Maybe there's no quick fix, Armin. Sometimes all we can do is give them space and time to heal, you know?"
Connie nodded in agreement, his expression serious. "Yeah, sometimes the best thing we can do is just be there for them when they're ready to talk or when they need us."
Armin sighed; his gaze heavy with regret. "You're right," he admitted, a sense of resignation settling over him. "I just hope they both find their way through this, somehow."
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#aot angst#aot onyankopon#onyankopon x reader#onyankopon x black y/n#ony x black reader#ony aot#aot x black reader#aot x you#aot x reader#black reader#black tumblr#sherewrytes#connie springer#sasha blouse#eren yeager#eren jaeger
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ENTRIES CLOSED, reblogs turned off, thank you everyone for entering and sharing your wonderful works!!
A compilation of every entry piece can be found here!
The winner is @mugbearerscorner and the information has been confirmed in DMs!!
Roll proof:
A link to the full spreadsheet of entries can be found here!
I'm so so grateful to all the people who participated in this event!! I'm so happy with how well it turned out and I'm so so thankful to be able to host it!!! Love you all!! :) :) :)
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GAUSS PRIME ACCESS GIVEAWAY!
* Provided by Digital Extremes! Info about the prime access here.
To enter, simply reblog with your art of ANY warframe giving a thumbs up!
Giveaway entries will close on FEBRUARY 10TH at 10:00pm CST
The post for the above drawing (with reference screenshot and wips) can be found here.
MORE INFO UNDER THE READ LINE, PLEASE READ IT IF YOU WANT TO ENTER
Notes:
This is not a contest! The winner will be decided entirely randomly, image quality will have no effect on chances of winning! Make whatever you can in any medium you want! (This can also include 3D mediums! The only thing I'm not including is unedited game screenshots/captura, though edited might be okay). Everyone can draw regardless of how good you think your own skills are!
Please submit your own drawing(s)!! Only one is necessary but you can make more if you want of course! Do not use any AI generation tools for your entry.
When reblogging it might be a good idea to enter some text either in the post or in the tags! It turns out reblogs with just an image and nothing else might not show up under the original post, which means I might miss your submission!
Only one entry per person, you will not get more entries for additional reblogs and/or drawings.
The goal of this is for the community to have a fun little gallery of warframe thumb ups in the reblogs, but again don't stress over how "good" your drawing is! As long as you have fun and submit something vaguely in line with the prompt you're good! (such as a wave instead of a thumbs up or an operator instead of a warframe, etc. Up to you how closely you want to follow the prompt!)
You DO NOT need to engage with me in any other way (likes, follows, etc.) to enter, just a reblog with a drawing loosely following the prompt!
This giveaway will only run here on Tumblr due to issues with bots and impersonation on Twitter. The issue of course is that the only way to submit images under a single post on Tumblr is through reblogs, but please know that I do not intend this to be a means of promotion. If people could submit images in the replies I would gladly take that option! If this post gets taken down I will look into other giveaway options.
As this is my first giveaway as a Warframe creator please let me know if I've made any mistakes!
Here are some example drawings that would all work, but of course whatever you want to make shouldn't be limited to this!
Inspired by @ritens, I will be assigning one unique number per individual and then throwing them into the random number generator on random.org. After the entries close and I roll the winner, I will update this post with the winner's name and a message saying that the giveaway is closed. Reblogs will also be turned off once the giveaway is closed, as I am only using reblogs as means of congregating drawing submissions under one post during the giveaway period.
Whoever's number get's chosen will be contacted via DMs here on Tumblr, so please make sure your DMs are open! I will be asking for your Warframe IGN and platform so DE can give send over your prize! If you have cross-save linked or merged then please tell me, though I will also be asking in DMs as well. If the winner doesn't respond within 48 hours or no longer wants the prime access pack, then I will roll a new winner with the same method but with the previous winner(s) number(s) taken out of the pool.
Topmost drawing without giveaway text:
Anyways good luck and most importantly have fun!!
#free wf pa#warframe#gauss prime#my art#warframe gauss prime#UpsideDownSmore's art#warframe fanart#gauss prime access#wf tag#wf#warframe gauss#can't believe i can do one of these now woah#still absolutely surreal#probably way too much effort for this lol#but it was good practice at least and i'm really happy with the result!#praying this works i've spent too long cobbling this together lol
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Love's Remedy ༓ jjk (m) l Ch. III
✑ Summary: Jungkook is a romantic. He comes from a highly intelligent family who wants him to carry out the lineage. Being this way, he goes to college to be a pharmacist but his friends say college isn't just about studying! With a little persuasion, he goes to his first frat party thinking his hat will help him pick up a girl-or woman he means.
Pairing: STEM major!virgin!jungkook x STEM major!hot girl!reader
AU/genre: angst, smut, fluff, s2l, college au, mini-series
Rating: M, 18+
Word Count: 4,378
Warnings: jk is very determined to "win" oc, jk a romantic, oc has philophobia (fear of relationships), protective!koo again, oc is an engineering student, PC Bang, jk is a king at LOL (League of Legends), jk lowkey flirts with new person, oc gets cold feet but please don't blame her 🥹, jk and oc get on level ground after hashing things through, themes of stalker-ish behavior (not oc or jk!), feat Jackson and Jae-beom, if i missed warning lmk!
Now Playing: seven, summertime sadness, she’s kerosene, angels like you+
A/N: For reference a PC Bang is: "a type of LAN gaming center and Internet cafe in South Korea, where patrons can play multiplayer computer games for an hourly fee". Also, I am not a gaming guru but I try for this chapter that means I researched haha Enjoy! 💞
<< ch. II ༓ ch. IV >> | series masterlist
A week later, Jungkook waits for you at your agreed rendezvous point; for over an hour. You promised to meet him near the campus garden at 7 pm but here it is almost 8 pm and you're a no-show.
He checks his phone for the fourteenth time since arriving–no reply.
Jungkook tries not to jump to conclusions but you broke your word and you ghosted him.
He thinks back to last week when he'd stepped between you and Jun-ho. And when you followed him back to his dorm where he told you he could love and take care of you, as you helped patch his wound. Had he come on too strong? Did you get into more trouble that he didn't know about?
He kicks a few pebbles by his feet, sending them flying in every which way, as the number of endless possibilities rattles his brain.
"Stupid," he cusses himself. "You're just so fucking stupid."
How could he believe that after two short weeks of random run-ins with you that he'd earn your interest? You told him you don't do relationships yet he still shows up, anxiously presenting himself as your knight in shining armor. Any sane person would tell him he was barking up a dead tree.
"Might as well get a head start on next week's homework." Jungkook loses hope, trotting back to the dormitory with the wind howling and mocking behind him.
"What do you mean she ditched you?" The boisterous inquisition belongs to Jackson who's looking thoroughly offended once hearing his new best friend was shown up. He isn't sure how much this woman meant to him, but either way, it makes him livid. Even if you weren't going to go out with him, you should've at least told him like a decent human being.
"I really thought she'd come," Jungkook replies with his heavy eyes. He walks alongside the blonde-haired boy, dirt crunching below his feet. "Guess she had something better to do."
"No." Jackson stops in the middle of the road. "You know who actually has better things to do? It's you. What do you say to hitting up the PC Bang downtown? Play a little League of Legends or Overwatch?"
Jungkook shrugs with less enthusiasm than a snail. "Sure…"
"Hey man," Jackson puts a hand on Jungkook's shoulder. "I'm sorry about you and __. It sucks being stood up. I've had my fair share and you just gotta take it as a blessing that nothing else happened between you both. Nine times out of ten, it didn't have anything to do with you either so don't blame yourself. Take it as a lesson and keep working on yourself until the right person shows up. They'll be the person you can truly give yourself to."
"Hard to believe you've been shown up. You're charismatic, confident, in good shape, have good facial features, and you're getting your MD." Jungkook's aware of his friend's attempt to lift his spirits but he can't fathom anyone not giving Jackson the time of day. Due looks like a pop star in the making.
"Nah, most of what you just said is me bullshitting my way through life. I'm not all that," Jackson rejects, striding forward. "I got rejected by a girl a few days ago myself."
"Had a boyfriend?"
"Nope, just didn't like me. And she doesn't go out with first -years apparently."
"Oh," Jungkook's eyebrows shoot up. "She was an upperclassman?"
"Yup, on her third year."
At this Jungkook's mouth gapes open. "No wonder she said no. What the hell are you doing trying to go out with a third-year?” The accusatory tone spins Jackson's head–he's a sad little puppy with you but a bulldog with him. What a puzzling fellow.
"Same thing you're doing trying to convince someone who doesn't want a relationship to go out with you."
Jungkook dials back his previous assertion. "We're idiots."
"Correction. we're dreamers." Jackson slaps him on the shoulder. "C'mon, let's go burn some shit up at the internet cafe."
By the time he and Jackson get to the cafe nearly all the computers are taken. It's no surprise since PC Bang's are quite a rave amongst university students like themselves. You can play the hottest games for hours while stuffing yourself full with whatever food's served on the cafe menu–all for a small fee of course.
"Let's go here." Jackson manages to grab two free id cards from the counter–guiding them to two empty PCs, side by side to each other. "How long do you want to play for?"
Jungkook sinks himself in the leather gaming chair and powers on the machine in front of him. "I'm good until 6 pm, but then I should head back to my dorm and do homework."
"Cool, same for me. We'll play for three hours then."
"What should we play?" Jungkook tosses the headset over his ears and scrolls through the game options. Jackson does the same.
"Kinda in the mood for LOL." He flips to the game's screen card. "Gonna need to join a team though."
"No problem.," Jungkook clicks the game on his own pc until the loading screen covers his view. "So many people play League of Legends. We'll be able to find one in no time."
Jackson nods and opens LOL himself. "Let's kick some ass."
"Fuck yeah," Jungkook mumbles, inaudible to everyone but himself.
An hour passes and he and Jackson have been hammering their opponents into the digital abyss. The thrill and surge of adrenaline cause him to forget previous heartaches–aka you. Plus, after finding a team of three to jump into; one member who happens to be female, Jungkook's been able to turn his attention to other prospects.
"Soomin, how long have you been playing LOL for?" Jungkook decides to learn more about his female teammate after claiming the final victory over the opposing team.
"Five years," her raspy voice comes through his headset. It sure is a unique voice, he notes.
"Same. We should play on a team more often. In fact, Jackson and I are thinking about building an official LOL team so we could use a third person. You're really good so if you want, we'd love to have you." Beside him, his friend gives him a confused look. 'We are?' he mouths silently which Jungkook ignores.
"Wait really?" She pauses a moment. "I've never been on a permanent team before. I guess that'd be cool."
"I play late at night sometimes too. Meaning if you ever wanna jump on with me shoot me a message or something."
"Alright, I'll jot down your username."
"Already got yours memorized," he says, a tad more cocky than he meant.
"Damn," she cusses. "You work fast. By the way, do you go to university?"
"Yeah, I go to Seoul National University."
"No way, what year are you? I attend there too. I'm a second-year."
"What?!" He nearly hits the ceiling once the information is disclosed. He had no idea Soomin would be this close and that he could meet her in person. call him eager but should he ask her out? No…he's already made that move with you and look where it left him. He'll ask to hang out first. "We should meet Soomin. As long as you don't mind that I'm a first-year that is," Jungkook chuckle lightly and looks over to Jackson who immediately gives him a double thumbs up.
"Well I'm kinda busy this week but how about next week? Also, if it's good with you, can my boyfriend come?"
Fuck. If this is some kinda joke he'd like to catch a break any time now. Not that he was as intrigued with Soomin as he was, or still is, with you but he definitely thought it was going somewhere!
"You're dating?" Jungkook watches Jackson lower his double thumbs up, frowny face on.
"Yeah, we've been together for a year. Met as classmates." When she giggles Jungkook has the unexpected urge to roll his eyes. Of course, you did, he mutters, just a perfectly peachy coincidence for you two.
"Well that's nice," he says bitterly.
"Oh, I'm sorry Jungkook. He's actually calling me now so I have to go but I'll talk to you soon. And message me when you want to meet. I'll tell my boyfriend about you!"
Great. Jungkook bids her goodbye and she signs off.
"Sorry about Soomin. She seemed cute." Jackson slides his headset off his ears to rest them around his neck. "But you know what? You're still a force to be reckoned with inside the virtual world. I honestly don't know how you do it."
Jungkook grins shyly and slips his headset on the desk. "I've been playing for a long time. Must be something to do with that." He throws a hand over his abdomen when his stomach rumbles at the same time. "We should order food." He browses the cafe's extensive menu on his pc. Nothing but rows and rows of tasty options flash back at him, urging him to spend fortunes.
Still, he's got to cap it at some point with only about 2,000,000 Korean won (about 1,500 USD) in his bank account. The Jeon family is wealthy but Jungkook is not. His parents are especially careful to inform him that generational wealth is not going to be given to him freely. Instead, he is to earn his own money, starting at the car wash which he worked at over the summer.
"I'm getting an order of Tteokbokki and a soju. What about you?" Jackson punches in his order, sparing a glance at Jungkook who's tapping on his keyboard with one hand while the other rests under his chin.
"The Jjajangmyeon looks good. I'll get that with a soju too." After Jungkook enters in his own order he strolls his chair out from under the gaming table. "Do you see a bathroom around here?"
"Yeah, it's all the way to that far right corner." Jackson points in that direction with his thumb.
"Okay, I'll be right back."
Bathroom, bathroom, bathroom.
Jungkook repeats the simple word to himself. He scans the corner Jackson gestured towards earlier but sees nothing except a giant blank wall. Must have meant the opposite direction. He turns himself around to scout the other side of the floor.
"Excuse me sir-" a voice chimes close behind him.
"Oh sorry." He steps aside to let the young lady by and as soon as he does his whole body jerks forward in shock. "__!"
You turn around with the tray of food in your hand in what looks like a work uniform. "Yes, what can I do–Kookie?" You grip the plastic tray firmer to keep it from shaking uncontrollably, though the clamminess of your palms makes it a challenging task. Seeing Jungkook at the place you work was bound to happen being that the PC Bang is close to the university. You just weren't prepared for it to be tonight during one of your last shifts of the season.
"I didn't know you worked here."
"Yeah, only part-time." After bumping into Jungkook moments ago, you found it inevitable to avoid him further. You agreed to meet him outside once your break started. "I'm planning on leaving before the semester gets crazy. I have about a week left probably."
It dawns on Jungkook that he doesn't know what you study so with shifty eyes and clenched fists, he asks. "What are you going for?"
"Engineering." You can tell he wasn't expecting that for an answer; most don't be a woman in the field and all. "Jungkook, let's not do this. I'm sorry about what happened the other night." A sick queasy feeling settles in your gut–you're well aware you did Jungkook wrong. You're not proud of it in the slightest and him standing in front of you right now only reminds you of your guilt.
"I waited for you __. You said you come even if it was a rejection." A twinge of hurt laces behind his words and he keeps a controlled stance. He doesn't get in your face, demanding for an answer, nor does he break down and cry. He's more inquisitive than anything else. "Where were you? Why didn't you come?"
"I–" You intertwine your fingers, a nervous habit you picked up in childhood. "I panicked Kookie. I'm so sorry."
Jungkook stiffens when he hears the endearing name drop from your soft lips again. It was nice at first but now it feels like a sharp pain twisting in his side, like a thorn only for his misery. "Can you not call me that, please? It's–It's making me uncomfortable."
"Oh god," you lunge forward out of instinct but freeze when he steps back. "Jungkook I really am sorry. I was planning to see you. I had my shoes on and everything. Like I said I panicked, I'm not suited for relationships. And I'm not suited for you."
The last part stings the most.
"But–"
“There’s no buts Jungkook." You place your hand on the door of the building. " I have to get back to work."
"Wait!"Jungkook moves to face in front of you from an angle. "You say you're not suited for relationships but why did you get ready to see me? Why didn't you just say no to me? And last week when you told me you needed more time to think…was it a lie?"
"Because I like you okay? You're cute, protective, sweet, but you like me too much." you release the handle. "You don't know anything about me yet you've already got into a fistfight with an obscene jerk for me and claim you'll wait for me even when you just met me. If you love me this much now how much more will you love me later?"
" I'll love you for eternity."
"See this is it, Jeon. You saying stuff like this before anything real has happened between us–it's too much. How can you be this devoted to basically a stranger? You'll love me for eternity but have you considered that maybe I won't?"
"What are you saying?"
"What makes you think I'll love you as much as you do me?"
" I don't think like that __. I don't want a relationship so I can see what I can get. that's not how my mind works. I understand that I've been very forward with you. I should have been more conscientious about how that would make you feel but when I say that I love–"
"Please, don't drop the 'L' word. If you're saying love then you don't love me; only the idea of me."
Jungkook pauses, wordless
"Never thought of it that way huh? Guess not. Let me ask you something…do you know what I do? With men?"
He swallows and shakes his head no
"I sleep with them. A new guy a week if not twice a week. People call me a whore, and I'm spreading my legs for everyone and anyone willing. Do you want to get involved with someone like that?" You wipe away an escaped tear.
"I don't care about that at all __."
"Well, you should! This is who I am Jungkook. I can't let you be responsible for me. So unless you want a one-night stand or a friends-with-benefits relationship, I suggest you forget about me. I can't be your girlfriend."
"__!" Your manager shoves the front door open, causing you and Jungkook to jolt in surprise. " Where have you been? We have about twenty orders that need to be served."
"Sorry Manager Choi. I'll get right on it." You spare Jungkook one last glance before disappearing back inside the PC Bang. "I'm sorry," you say with a lowered head.
That night Jungkook lays on his bed, thumb hovering over your name in his contacts list. His logical side whispers for him to delete it. His heart says to call, text, or do something to–no. He remembers your pained facial expression; on the verge of tears as you explained to him that he'd been too quick in making his mind up about you. But then he replays your final words.
"…unless you want a one-night stand or a friends-with-benefits relationship, I suggest you forget about me. I can't be your girlfriend."
Well, he doesn't want the first two but if it meant he could be in your life longer–stop. His logical side intrudes. "You don't want to go down that path," he matters to himself. "It's better if you just delete the number." Jungkook moves to tap the trash can icon on your phone contact, a pang in his chest. Just as he's mustered up enough strength his phone buzzes off, screen lighting the entirety of the darkened dorm room. His roommate groans at the sound and rolls over in their bed.
"Jungkook," said roommate rubs his face. "I have an 8:15 tomorrow morning. Please speak take it in the hallway."
Jungkook quietly jumps out of bed not solely because of courtesy to his roommate but also because it's from you.
"Jungkook… can you um…"
"__?" He eases the door shut behind him and paces up and down the hallway. "Are you there?"
"Can you meet me at the bus stop near the campus library/ I'm sorry to be asking you it's just that…Jun-ho's–"
"What is it? Are you okay? What about Jun-ho?"
" I'm taking the bus back from work and he's on the same one he keeps staring at me and I'm scared of following me back to my dorm. Please Kookie-Jungkook I mean. I don't have any right to ask you, I know. He won't try anything with the bus driver here but once I get off I'll be alone. I have some pepper spray in my bag–"
"Yes, yes I'll be right there. How far are you out?" This isn't about pursuing you, impressing you, or anything like that anymore; it's about your safety. Jungkook leaps into his room, grabs his wallet, and shoves the sneakers on his feet. "__? Did you hear me?"
" I'm five minutes from the stop. Oh, he's, he's still staring at me."
"Don't look at him __. I'm walking down right now. Stay on the phone with me. I'll be waiting for you when you get there okay?"
"Thank you Kook. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. If Jun-ho's tracking you down like a wolf, it'll be his funeral." The icy tone in Jungkook's typically warm, milky tone sends a shiver up your spine.
The bus you're on pulls up in exactly five minutes, as you estimated. Jungkook frantically searches for you through the window glass, growling when he sees Jun-ho standing up a few rows behind you. He makes sure to be as close to the bus's exit doors as possible so he can grab your hand as soon as you step out.
"Hey!" He greets you loudly. "How was your shift?"
"Great! We were running around like crazy but thankfully, I didn't have to work through the night." You cling his hand tighter, slinging your other arm around his.
"That's a blessing." Jungkook and you walk faster, putting more space between you and Jun-ho. "You must be tired."
"Oh yeah, I can't wait to slee–ah!" You trip over a ledge on the sidewalk. Jungkook grips you before you completely fall flat on your behind.
"New feet?" He can't help but joke and you slap his arm. Jungkook helps straighten you back up, your hands remain interlocked. When it comes to a split in the road, you and Jungkook filter to the right side towards the female dorms. You hope to god Jun-ho takes the left.
"He's such a fucker." Jungkook curses, peering over his shoulder just enough to see Jun-ho faltering at the intersection. He burns holes at both of you so much that it makes Jungkook feel like kneeing him in the gut but he doesn't want to provoke the bastard–putting you in unpredictable danger. "I'll get you to your dorm. Which one is yours?"
"Up ahead." You gesture at the brick building with the number 318.
"We can let go of our hands now." You're the first to speak after arriving outside your dorm.
Jun-ho thankfully did not follow you any more than back at the split in the path between male and female dorms. The fact that he still attends school here makes your skin crawl. You don't exactly like calling people a mistake but Jun-ho is by far an exception. You messed around with the guy one time while you both were a bit tipsy and he keeps hounding you. If you need to, you will make him stay away from you permanently.
"Promise me you'll get a restraining order on him if this happens again or gets worse." Jungkook ignores your suggestion to release your hands. "That idiot has no right to be around you."
"I will. Thank you for coming out. I was nervous to call you being what happened earlier. I truly, from the bottom of my heart, am sorry. And I know having to go back to work left things hanging so if there's anything else you wanted to talk about or tell me, please feel free."
"Anything for you–" slips out of his mouth before he can stop it. He slaps a hand over his mouth instantly, you chuckle softly.
"It's okay Jungkook," you reassure. "I can tell you wear your heart on your sleeve. You're naturally very accommodating and flattering."
"And you're beautiful. Damnit, I did it again. I'm sorry __, but whenever I look at you I feel butterflies and I say a lot of fluffy stuff. I'm not trying to flirt or impress you by using what can be in the right context, shallow methods. But yeah, I was thinking about what happened at the cafe earlier tonight and I think get it–I've been too quick to the draw. I'm honestly not sure why I'm so attracted to you other than the fact that you're breathtakingly gorgeous in literally every way, both physical and non-physical. It makes me want to know you more. And the fact that assholes like Jun-ho won't leave you alone makes me want to be your personal bodyguard or something. I don't lift as much as him but fuck, I can keep him in his place. I'm starting to sound crazy, aren't I? It's like you said, we're strangers after all…right?"
Jungkook waits for you to respond. The cool autumn air is crisp against your cheeks, not cold enough to see your own breath, but enough to have you secretly grateful for the warmth that comes from his hand. That's right, you've been clinging onto his hand for dear life for the past fifteen or more minutes. You should probably let go now if weren't for the fact that he's also clinging onto yours just as hard.
"You really want to know me Kookie?" You brush a few strands of his hair that have blown in front of his eyes. He's incredibly handsome now…how did you not see it before? Sure he's cute with his bunny-like smile, mole on his button nose, and his adorable voice that makes you oh so soft and comfortable inside. But he's also handsome with his piercing oak tree-colored eyes, perfectly sharp jaw, and eager yet tenacious energy that always seems to show up for you.
Jungkook takes your other hand in his, swinging them between you both. "Of course," his earnest voice chippers. "It’s next to impossible for me not to want to know you. I'm sure I'll eventually move on if that's what you really want, but if there's another alternative that can avoid that I'd like to take it. You seem to be in deep thought about something…" he switches up his response when he notices you don't look as alert as you usually do. “__.”
"I'm here," you say, the tiniest bit dazed. "I was just thinking about something."
"Yeah I know, but about what?"
You swallow before replying. “…You.”
Jungkook smiles sheepishly. You're unsure if he's pleased or nervous. "Is it–is it something good or should we leave it here?"
"Are you free tomorrow?" You bite the inside of your cheek, begging yourself not to take it back. "It's Sunday so I get if you have some last-minute studying to do. Just thought maybe we could do something….together." Jungkook goes to reply, cheeks more than raised but you continue speaking before he sounds a word. "It's not a date per se. I'm being crazy annoying but I'd like to be friends first with something extra."
"You said no to friends before though. This isn't an offer to be friends with benefits is it?"
"That was when I wasn't sure what I wanted with you if anything. I didn't want to take advantage of you or anything. I want to start as friends so we can see if we can somehow be more. I'm interested in you Jungkook so no, not friends with benefits but rather, friends with the potential to be more."
"Okay," Jungkook squeezes your hands. "I can do that. What do you want to do? What time do you want to meet? What do you want me to wear?"
"First of all, if we're going to do this I'm going to need you to treat me like your bro. Wear what you want, we can meet afternoon and we'll figure it what to do along the way." You think your suggestion is fair yet it's crystal clear that it's not ideal for Jungkook, given the pout on his face.
"I don't want you to be my bro though," he whines.
"We start as bros or we're not hanging out." You're firm because you want this to work but you know yourself, and you need to take this slow.
"No wait, okay. Bro it is. You'll be the prettiest bro of mine."
"Jungkook," you snort, undignified. "That sounds weird."
He shrugs, "I'm weird when I'm with my friends. Especially when they're as pretty as you, it makes me all dumb because I can't seem to think straight anymore."
"Alright Romeo," you say, face flushing. "Save the rest for tomorrow."
<< ch. II ༓ ch. IV >> | series masterlist
A/N: This was originally going to be three chapters but it will be extended 😶 Lmk what you think and if you wanna to be tagged fill out tag form or ask 💞
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Beastly: Raider Era Joel Miller x Reader (Part 2)
Summary: you live in a small commune protected by a strong force of raiders. Every season, your people pay tribute for their protection. After lapsing in payment, your abusive father offers you as a human sacrifice. What you don't expect is for the leader of the gang, Joel, to not be as much of a beastly man as first thought.
A Raider Era Joel fic, loosely inspired by Beauty & The Beast.
CWs: references to abuse (physical), implied fear of SA, canon typical violence, implied age gap, sexual references, coarse language, smut for later chapters. (List will update with chapters)
Chapter Word Count: 3.3k
Tag List: @serenaxpedro @miller--trash @joelsgirl @gab-thelamb-onthemoon @mydailyhyperfixations @dreamingofdaddydin @luvrking @msecho19 @koshkaj-blog @hufflepuffriver @yunonaneko ( & anyone I've missed)
Index: Part 1 /
It’s not a terribly long ride back to the raider commune, another small town that barely counts as a town that’s been repurposed.
Trenches surround it. A few men and women with rifles on makeshift guard towers. Honestly it’s not much different to home. Your heart jumps when you remember this is your home now. For as long as Joel decides to keep you alive.
You still can’t get a read on him. The entire four hour ride was spent mostly in silence, but when he did speak, it was to ask your name. Ask a few questions. You wonder if he’s trying to remind himself that you’re a human being, rather than just an animal, a sacrifice.
“Quiet as a mouse, aren’t you?” He’d said finally, then laughed softly and muttered something about that suiting you more than your actual name.
Joel doesn’t like using your name. The idea makes you more human to him, and he already feels stupid for accepting a goddamn human sacrifice to pay the debt your home owed. Mouse it is. It gives him the sense of ownership, of control, that he needs in all manner of things.
He’d been almost polite in helping you down off the horse before turning you over to a man who vaguely resembled him.
“My brother, Tommy.” He’d said by way of introduction, then sloped off to oversee the unloading of the truck, leaving you standing next to the younger man with no idea what the hell to do next.
Luckily, he doesn’t seem to know what to do with you, either, so you just stand there awkwardly together until Joel seems to notice you again, comes over.
“Christ, Tommy, let her freeze to death? You take over the unloading, I’ll take her.”
You follow him automatically, towards one of the houses, wondering vaguely if he means to take your fathers advice and beat you into submission. Or worse.
Somehow, you don’t think so. He’s been cold, sure, the entire ride back, but you don’t get the feeling that he’s planning on doing anything sinister to you, which is strange. Raiders have a reputation, after all, but he doesn’t give off the violent rapist vibe that some have.
He unlocks the door, leads you up the stairs to a small bedroom. It has a bathroom attached. Pleasant. Nondescript, though it has the air of not being lived in.
“Make yourself at home,” Joel is aware of how monumentally stupid the sentence is, but he says it anyway.
“Am I confined to this room?” You ask, still not daring to look at him, in case it makes him snap or something. You’re used to that sort of thing.
“No, the entire house - minus my room, or Tommy’s, of course - is free game. I wouldn’t leave the house without one of us, for your own safety. You’re welcome to explore the house. One of us will come and get you when it’s dinner time.”
Then he turns around and walks out, leaving you standing there feeling confused. You’d been bracing yourself for violence of some sort, and now it hasn’t come? You’re not sure what to make of it.
You can hear his heavy boots on the stairs, the front door slam behind him, the bolt locking into place behind him. You’re not stupid enough to consider trying to make a run for it; a four hour ride is even longer on foot, and in this weather? It’s a death sentence. Besides. The retribution for trying to escape would probably not be pleasant, and while you’re not exactly eager to go back to your father, you don’t want the other people from your settlement to be punished because of you.
So fine. You’re stuck here.
You may as well explore your new cage.
The bedroom isn’t too bad, actually. Double bed, the mattress not uncomfortable. Thick blanket, even if the pattern isn’t what you’d choose for yourself, the main thing is you won’t freeze to death.
You hope there might be a change of clothes somewhere, something in the drawers of the dresser that might fit, but the drawers are empty. You hope Joel won’t make you wear the same clothes you have on down to rags, but you’re not counting on it.
The carpet is old, but not uncomfortable under your feet.
Then there’s the bathroom. Small, compact, but still functional. You know there’s still plenty of house to explore, but you’re also aware you’re going to be locked in here for an indefinite amount of time. Exploring can wait. You’re exhausted, and the bed is comfortable. A nap won’t hurt, surely.
If he was going to hurt you, he’d have done so by now. It’s not very comforting, but it’s all you have, and it’s enough to lull you into an uneasy sleep.
—
“Jesus fucking Christ, Joel, what the fuck?”
Tommy is never usually this vocal with his older brother, and it surprises them both. Still, it’s a fair question.
“The man’s a misogynistic piece of shit, I couldn’t just leave her there. Chances are if I’d refused, I’d go back next season and he’d have beaten her to death. Made it her fault.”
“Oh, so we’re saving people now?” Tommy raises an eyebrow. It’s a cheap dig; he knows why Joel does what he does, why he is the way he is.
Maybe it’s not fair to be a sarcastic bastard, but then again, he hadn’t expected Joel to come back with a human sacrifice, for fuck’s sake.
Joel sighs. Pops open a beer. The kind one of their men makes in a keg in his garage. It’s still fucking good, because beer is beer, even after the end of the world.
“Look, she’s harmless. I’m not gonna lay a hand on her, and neither is anyone else in this little community.” Joel says it firmly, with enough authority that Tommy believes him.
Pretty much anything goes in their group. Violence is to be expected. But any sort of violence against women, especially sexual, is punished by death.
“Maybe she can make something of herself here.” He continues, before he stands and checks on the food that’s cooking on the stovetop. “In the meantime, do me a favour? Try not to scare the shit out of her.”
Tommy snorts in spite of himself.
“You’re the scary one, big brother.”
There’s no bite to it, but there doesn’t need to be. Joel understands. Knows there’s a part of his younger brother that’s afraid of him. Maybe that’s another sacrifice he’s had to make.
“Yeah. Well. I’m gonna go tell our new house guest that food’s done.”
It’s his way of avoiding the conversation. Better to just leave, walk away, than open that can of worms.
Instead he heads upstairs, towards what’s probably a completely different can of worms but still unpleasant. When he gets to the door that’s now yours, he hesitates. Should he knock? In reality, you’re his prisoner, disguised as a guest. No matter how polite he is to you, Joel is aware that you’ll probably always hate and resent him.
Still, he isn’t sure what you’re doing in there, and there’s a part of him that’s still somewhat of a gentleman, so he knocks first. No answer. Well, he tried.
He opens the bedroom door, finds you half asleep; the sight of him jolts you awake, and you startle, sit bolt upright. He can practically smell how afraid you are, almost hates himself for it. He has no intention of hurting you. No more than he already has by taking you from your home.
“Dinner’s ready. Come and eat.” It’s not a request. He retreats again, stomps back down the stairs, pissed and unsure why. Maybe it’s the way you look at him. Maybe it’s the understanding of why you’re so fearful to begin with. Or maybe it’s just the fact that he’s feeling anything at all, after so long.
—
You have two options. One, you follow the direction given and go downstairs to eat. That’s probably the smarter choice. You’re hungry, and you can smell hot food. You doubt he’ll poison you.
The second option is you stay right here, make an attempt at defiance. That doesn’t appeal to you; you know that Joel has a temper. Has the ability to be incredibly violent at the drop of a pin. Tommy is a wild card, but you don’t like the idea of making enemies of the men you’re stuck in this house with.
Still, you’re reluctant to drag yourself downstairs, having wanted more time to wallow in your own misery and misfortune. Unfortunately, the lure of a hot meal wins out, and you find yourself in a small dining room, seated at a plain wooden table with a few knife scrapes in the top, a bowl of stew in front of you.
You’re almost surprised. You might have thought raiders, especially ones like him, would eat better. Steak or something. But this is simple. Carrots and potatoes and onions in gravy, with rough cut bread on the side.
Tommy clocks your thoughts almost immediately.
“What, you thought we ate like kings or something?”
“I-“ you aren’t sure how to answer him; he’s a raider, sure, but there’s something about the way he avoids his older brother’s gaze that makes you warm to him a little faster.
Maybe it’d be good to have… not a friend, but an ally? In this place.
“It’s not poisoned. We have to eat too, you know.” Joel comments, without looking at you.
You don’t argue, just poke at your food with your spoon until Tommy speaks again.
“We’re just people. Even Joel, though he likes to pretend otherwise.”
You decide to go right ahead and like Tommy, even if it’s against your better judgment. The casual way he says it is almost reassuring. Like you can breathe, your suspicions that Joel isn’t going to turn into a monster and lay hands on you reassured by the casual way Tommy banters with him.
It’s like a small weight lifts off your chest, enough for you to stop poking at your food and actually eat it.
Joel drinks, barely speaks the entire meal. When you’re done, Tommy collects the dishes, throws a sideways glance at Joel, who’s refilled his beer once again.
“Go back to your cage, little mouse. I’m tired of you jumping whenever I move.” There’s a bite to his voice that wasn’t there before, fuelled by drink and whatever demons plague him.
The way he says it unsettles you, your hands shaking slightly as you pass your empty bowl to Tommy.
Joel is back to not looking at you, but as you leave the room, Tommy makes eye contact with you, and mouths for you to lock your door.
—
Joel drinks. Heavily. He’s used to only having to deal with Tommy, who’s used to it by now. It doesn’t even occur to him that his intoxication, the way he’s sharper, colder in this state might scare you.
Doesn’t even consider it until he hears you take the stairs two at a time, the sharp thud of your bedroom door closing.
“That went well.” Tommy crosses his arms over his chest, surveying him.
Joel doesn’t answer. He supposes he could go upstairs, unlock your bedroom door and try to apologise, but somehow he thinks breaching your privacy would make it worse. And besides. Why the hell does he care so much about scaring you? About apologies?
You’re nothing but a goddamn tribute. A human sacrifice handed over to him by a shitty excuse for a father. A mistake he shouldn’t have made, but now he has to live with the consequences. The consequences being your presence.
—
You take Tommy’s advice and lock your door. Not because you think Joel will come upstairs and decide to hurt you, but because it makes you feel a little better.
You can hear them arguing downstairs, at the very least, raised voices, but nobody comes up the stairs. Nobody breaks down your door. Eventually you can breathe a little easier, don’t have to consider locking yourself in the bathroom.
Eventually you hear Joel’s heavy boots coming up the stairs, hold your breath again, but he goes right past your door, slams his own behind him. Shortly after, a softer tread that must be Tommy’s comes upstairs too, and another door closes behind him.
Nobody’s going to hurt you. Not tonight, anyway. Nobody’s making you warm their bed, or using you as a punch bag. You’re alone, sure, but you’ve always been alone.
At least this time you have a comfortable bed and a locked door. It isn’t much, but it’s enough to keep you from panicking, for now at least.
—
When you wake, winter sunlight is streaming through your window, creeping through the shutters without a singular care.
Your clothes are a little mussed, but not dirty, so you suppose you’ll have to make do until one of the men notice and decide to find you a change. You hope to god they decide to.
There’s no sign of either of them in the house; a few dishes in the sink, and a note on the table the only evidence that other people live here at all.
Make yourself comfortable. Don’t try to leave the house. I will arrange new clothes for you today - J.
“That’s friendly.” You mutter to yourself, then busy yourself for ten minutes washing the dishes. Joel might technically own you, but you still feel a bit guilty that he’s taking time out of his day to find you new clothes. The least you can do is wash some dishes.
Hell, it won’t hurt to see what food is in the house, either, but you aren’t sure where to look, so you open pretty much every cabinet in the kitchen, taking inventory.
There’s not much, which doesn’t surprise you. You assume whoever lived here originally left the place pristine or something, but it’s since been cleared out. The Miller brothers have done a decent job tidying the place, but it still doesn’t have that sense of being a permanent home.
Maybe they planned on moving on at some point, but never got round to it?
You aren’t sure. Easier not to think about it, instead moving onto the next room. You can come back to the kitchen later, reheat the stew from last night. Maybe if you do little things like that, they’ll be kinder to you.
It’s not that they’ve been cruel, or even really unkind. Joel is harsh, blunt, and seems cold and closed off, but he hasn’t been outright mean to you. Tommy’s been wary but friendly enough.
Perhaps it’s stupid, but you want them to be friendly to you. If you’re stuck with them for the foreseeable future, until you die or something… well, it’s not a crime to want to be friendly, right?
The next room holds a few more things of interest; a television, a stack of movies. Obviously there’s no live television anymore, but the Miller brothers have managed to salvage a handful of movies that you suppose they liked from before.
Most of them are action movies, the occasional western that you presume is Tommy’s preference. Somehow it comforts you that there aren’t any slasher movies among the pile. Not that you’re naive enough to think that they aren’t killers. They’re raiders. You’ve seen Joel kill a man before. That they’re violent goes without saying, but somehow you think their brand of violence is purely to survive, not out of some psychopathic desire to inflict pain.
At least. You hope so.
Deciding not to dwell on that, you keep moving through the house, exploring room by room. The windows have all been reinforced, the place relatively secure. It’s surprising how easily you feel safe in this house, in spite of being a prisoner. Perhaps it’s because the house is big, compared to your old home. Maybe it’s the fact that you don’t have to jump whenever you turn a corner.
You ignore the two bedrooms along the hallway with yours upstairs, as instructed. That’s not to say it isn’t tempting to peek; of course it is, but you’re a little afraid that they’d know somehow, and that it would make Joel angry.
He hasn’t really given you many rules; don’t leave the house, don’t go in his room or Tommy’s room. Even if you are a prisoner, a possession, it feels rude to break those rules, so you stifle your curiosity and only open the other door.
Bathroom. Boring.
Heading back downstairs, you’re considering exploring the rest of the rooms off the downstairs hallway, but decide to save them for tomorrow. If you’re housebound, you may as well save yourself some excitement, or as close to it as you can get, for another day.
—
Joel doesn’t really have anywhere to be. The group operates pretty well without him overseeing everything. If there’s a dispute, it either ends in a fight or they come to him.
The spoils from yesterday are already being divided up, a few people out patrolling for more supplies, smaller weaker camps they can take out.
Unpleasant, yes, but it’s survival of the fittest.
His errand today has nothing to do with survival. Joel is well aware he’s brought you to the commune with nothing but the clothes on your back, and in spite of being, objectively, a terrible person, he feels bad for you.
In retrospect, he should have let you at least pack a bag. But somehow, with the way your father offered you up like bait, Joel doesn’t think you probably had many possessions to begin with.
The women in the commune are tough as nails, mostly. Survivors through and through, either by the skin on their knuckles or by giving themselves over to the men for protection. Joel doesn’t judge either way; he knows it takes a particular sort of grit to survive that way.
While violence is rampant in the group, what with the testosterone and the high stakes of survival, nobody ever lays hands on the women. As a result, they’re kind, happy to help anyone new.
It doesn’t take long to find clothes in roughly your size among the women. A few shirts, two new pairs of jeans. Newish boots.
Impulsively, he trades a week’s extra firewood and a bag of jerky for a winter coat for you, too. It’s a deep purple, with a fake fur lined hood, long enough to reach your knees.
He doesn’t know why, but it’s important to him that you’re not uncomfortable. At least, no more than to be expected. Besides, he’d rather you didn’t freeze to death. That would just be annoying to deal with.
Or so he tells himself as he fills his pack with the clothes he’s found and traded for, before heading back towards the house.
Usually, on trade days, he’d stop and grab a few bottles of beer, too, but he’s still a little embarrassed about how he behaved last night when intoxicated.
It wouldn’t normally bother him, to be seen as scary and intimidating. Hell, it doesn’t. But there’s a small part of him that feels ashamed when he remembers how fast you bounded up the stairs and bolted the door.
He’s not used to having anyone beside Tommy in the house, and frankly he doesn’t give a shit whether he scares his brother or not. Tommy knows everything he does is to keep them safe, to keep them alive. He doesn’t have to like it, just accept it.
Having you react the way you did has brought him back to earth a little, and he doesn’t like it. The last thing he wants is a reminder that he’s human. So fine. He’ll give you the clothes, but that’ll be the first and last favour he does for you.
Or so he tells himself.
#my writing#joel miller x reader#joel miller fic#joel miller#pedro pascal#pedro pascal character fic#the last of us#the last of us fanfiction#raider joel#rue beastly#joel miller x you
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I would like to rant about something. It's been awhile since I've done that and it's been kinda bubbling under the surface for a long time.
Again: you can headcanon whatever the fuck you want, this just my "takes me out of a story" thing.
There have been a couple posts that I've seen going around lambasting people for using other names for Eddie then Edward (Edwin, Edison, Edmond etc) when it's on his missing poster as Edward Munson.
Only there is a couple things wrong with that.
One: Not everyone goes through every frame of the show and are actual causal viewers! I know, shocking! (heavy sarcasm here, folks) I personally had seen the missing poster gifed and screenshotted a billion times and never caught that they had his first and last name until someone pointed it out.
Two: it lists Eddie's age at 17. So how well can trust it, really? I know I've seen several takes from production getting the age wrong, to Wayne making him younger so people care, to Kas theory, to even Eddie being one of the kids that went missing before Will and his age is listed as what it would have been in 1983 (which could go either supernatural or Wayne just used the old missing poster from then).
So until there is something ELSE in the show that shows his name AS Edward, you can call him whatever you want, because canon just tells us that his name is Eddie.
So why am I bringing this up?
Because the people going around shouting this bit of information tend to also people who will use one or the other or even both of the next headcanons in their meta/fanfics.
1- Eddie CAN'T swim. This one always takes me out of the story when I see it because we have TWO on screen events that show him swimming. The first is the one most people forget. When Jason and his friends chase Eddie out onto the lake and he falls in. If he couldn't swim, dude would have DIED. But he makes it to Skull Rock. The second time is jumping after Steve. Trust as someone who can't swim, there is no way he would go jumping in after Steve if he couldn't. He would go back to shore and let the kids know what was going on.
So I tend to back out of a fic when I see it, because if you're off about that aspect of his character, I'm not sure I want to read further because what else might they get wrong about him.
2- This one is a doozy for me because it really makes me mad. When they say Wayne is Eddie's mom's brother.
"While all the other dads were teaching their kids to fish or to play ball...my old man was teaching me how to hotwire. Now I swore to myself I wouldn't wind up like he did, but now I'm wanted for murder and soon grand theft auto so...uh, yeah really living up to that Munson name."
Right, I had to transcribe the whole phrase because IMDb only had the hotwiring part. Because it's that last part that is so important to my point. Now I don't know if there are other ways to interpret that line, but if Wayne's last name is Munson and Eddie talks about living up to the Munson name...wouldn't the logic follow that Eddie's dad (named Allen Munson in the Stranger Things: First Shadow play and that's how I'll refer to him from now on to make it easier to type) is also a Munson? So if Wayne, Allen, and Eddie all share the same name wouldn't that make Wayne and Allen brothers?
Now, I think I know where this logic that Wayne is related to Eddie's mom and not his dad, is because how could sweet, hardworking Wayne be related to criminal, most likely in jail Al? Because I don't know who needs to hear this: but even growing up poor in a family that isn't known for its honest living (not that I think all the Munsons are like Al, by the way) one can still chose not to follow in those footsteps. Hell, Wayne could have even straightened up FOR Eddie.
Hell we know more about Eddie's dad then we do his mom. The only thing we know is that she isn't around to take care of Eddie. Dead, in jail, or just doesn't give a damn, she's not in Eddie's life.
So yeah, it upsets me because to me it smacks a little classist. Good guy Wayne can't be related to criminal Al *clutches pearls!* He absolutely is.
/end rant
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Don’t know if it means anything but GT’s post on the happy couples studies thing on her Instagram….. isn’t that exactly what she’s been doing the past few weeks posting about David and recording him everywhere he goes?? Isn’t she literally outing herself??
(Grouping these together since they are about similar subjects. The third Ask is referring to this post, for those who might have missed it.)
I did indeed see the Insta story Georgia posted today and was as equally perplexed by her reasoning for sharing it. Here's the visual, for those who haven't seen it yet:
I was and am definitely surprised to see Georgia post this, for a number of reasons. What mainly came to my mind was, if she didn't want to invite speculation and open the possibility to people talking about her and David's relationship, then why post this? Because that is almost certainly the guaranteed outcome, as evidenced by the Asks I am now answering.
The second thing I wondered was, "Is this a moment of self-awareness?" It actually reminded me a lot of Anna calling herself a third wheel when she and Michael went to see David in Good last year, but in both cases it's this thing of where you wonder if they know that this is how a lot of fans perceive their respective relationships and are riffing on/making fun of that, or if there is some kernel of truth buried inside the joke. As I've mentioned previously when talking about the "other wife"/poly stuff with Michael, David, and Georgia, there is no better place to hide the truth than in plain sight, and so it really does make you wonder.
As to your comments @angelsadvocate96, these are some very interesting questions, especially given that Georgia posted this new Insta story just one day after posting a photo of Birdie and Lyra trick-or-treating together, letting us know that they were together on Halloween, which likely means that Michael and David were together as well. If this was the case, it does make you wonder what might've occurred when Michael and David were together to make that post resonate with Georgia and subsequently share it to Insta. Again, all we have is the optics of these little slices of their relationship that Georgia chooses to share, but those optics are increasingly becoming difficult to ignore.
I also don't know that I would say Georgia was punishing David with the Morrisons video, but as many people mentioned following her posting it, it was both confusing and upsetting to see her seemingly ignoring David's obvious discomfort. I know folks have said that he looked to be playing along, and that may well have been true to an extent, but David could also be the type of person who reflexively smiles/laughs nervously when he is uncomfortable, simply to conceal that fact. And we also know that David is an incredibly kind person who does not enjoy confrontation, so given all of those things, I'm not sure that it would be easy for him to tell her just how uncomfortable he really is. As for the videos being something he has to do in order to keep Michael, that was not something I had previously considered, but I don't think we can completely rule it out, either.
Whatever the case may be, it seems clear that something has shifted recently, although what specifically, I am not entirely sure. But given the reaction first to Georgia's birthday post about Birdie where she mentioned David, the reaction to the Morrisons video, and then alluding to David and Michael being together on Halloween, it's hard to think that Georgia didn't post that story today for a reason...
#phantomstars24#angelsadvocate96#georgia tennant#david tennant#soft scottish hipster gigolo#i'm just genuinely at a loss as to why you would post this#if you didn't want people to think you are insecure in your relationship#sometimes i feel like the more i try to understand Georgia the less i actually do#i've been saying for a few years though that she alternates between playing up Michael and David's relationship#and acting like she is jealous of it#curiouser and curiouser#thoughts#discourse
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So, there's some posting going around, and after being alerted to what exactly is being made public, it's pretty clear I can't go with my initial inclination which is 'leave this alone.'
First things first:
a) I'm not going to fight any accusations of having done something potentially racist. I'm a white person raised very white; when I was made aware that the default ways I was responding to things were reading very poorly in the context of a white person and a black person, I apologized. No matter how I feel about what's happening *currently*, I still am sorry about it. I really hadn't thought of how it would come off until I saw it in hindsight.
I can't say for sure what all is being referenced aside from that instance. I'm not going to be the best judge, for the reasons mentioned above. The best I can do is absorb, apologize, keep learning to be better, and continue to chip away at the boneheaded 40yo white person shit.
b) re: ableism, the sad irony of the screengrab posted is that I was having an autistic meltdown at the time (which, no, is not an excuse). Use of the r-slur, in reference to myself, is a very sure sign I'm in the middle of one, reaching for an impact word and choosing a really terrible one. Like the verbal equivalent of hitting yourself, giving voice to what are, yes, at root, ableist thoughts that live in my head about my own diagnosis. I can and do get very frustrated with my autism sometimes, especially when I 'fail' to learn fast enough to manage it (read: fail to prevent a meltdown).
I'm also genuinely sorry people had to see that, both people in the chat and now, everywhere. I did, yes, delete it because I hated it being there, and I didn't want especially that to be the footprint I left on the server, if it was ever repurposed/the channels weren't recycled (brief note on that later).
Anyway yeah it's something I really need to work on. And it's disheartening to see it cherrypicked when everyone there was aware of the context, but yea; if you see some really wild shit from screencaps, please keep in mind that a lot of it has already been extremely cherrypicked/context is going to be missing. If the whole conversation isn't present, ask to see it.
That's the heaviest stuff that needed addressing.
The accusations of character theft are another thing, because that involves Ependa, and a conversation I had personally with Jackal that was settled amicably a year ago. Or so I thought.
It's the one conversation I did think to save in its entirety, because I just-- had a feeling it might end up being in the cherrypicked pile, or removed from the record entirely. I didn't expect to have to need it this soon, but here we are.
So here it is, in its entirety:
All of that is true, on my end. I was the one who told Ependa to go with a darker complexion on Lacey, and it really didn't quite occur to me at the time that it'd be much of an issue. It should have. The characters are distinct to me in a variety of ways, but as said in the screengrabs, it's a small pond. Past that, if there was more we could do to differentiate then it wasn't discussed with either of us, and we were both open to making further alterations as-needed.
This is not the first time this conversation has been had among werewolf creators, fwiw, or the first time we've had to chat amongst ourselves about potential crossover. I've had to have a similar talk with another artist I know and respect because there were a few too many similarities going on with a set of pieces I was already working on.
Ependa had to recently have that conversation with Trashasaurus (which I'm paraphrasing a Ependa's request), re: commissions that had requested a character that had taken a lot of visual inspiration from both Lin and Toska. She'd noticed Toska's traits and vibe and wasn't entirely comfortable with it, and upon learning they had been requested asked Trashasaurus not to take on those commissions anymore. Trashasaurus agreed and that seemed to be the end of it, save to drop some warning about the 'Lacey talk' which-- well. See above. That's it, in its entirety.
If Ependa wants to post the logs of her conversation, she can, but I'll leave that up to her.
So, that's the heart of the matter at the moment.
It's yet another fallout of yet another failed project by yet another group of artists. It's a tale as old as time, and I would've really loved to have not given it fuel, but the r-slur thing backed me into a corner and needed to be addressed. And if that was being addressed, then others things needed to be addressed, too.
The thing about character theft, though-- yeah, IDK. If there was a problem, there was a year to solve it, and the offer made to post publicly about the oops/acknowledge it right there in that moment was genuine. So far as anyone knew, this had all been settled, and any time it was brought up after there were a million assurances that it wasn't an issue.
Last: I deleted my presence on the server because I a) wasn't sure if it was going to be repurposed and wanted a lot of very personal conversations/old images removed if that happened, b) was frankly concerned about something like this happening; cherrypicked conversations getting tossed up online if things got any worse. I used undiscord, which deletes chronologically, because deleting everything is easier than finding specific conversations/image files.
Because the worst of the fights happened last, well. Yeah it's gonna look like I'm deleting the worst parts first.
I also wouldn't have willingly agreed to be on a server using third party logging software/deleted message retrieval plugins, either, had I known that was in play, but that's a 'live and learn' moment for me, unfortunately.
Anyway that's it, that's all. I can't tell anyone how to think or feel about any of this. I'll be here and will continue to post art, though, for those who still feel like sticking around.
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MASTER POST!
Welcome to the Moth Den! This blog is the home of KD!AU, The Retriver Institute, The Horrors in the Wilde, CFK!AU, Skyfall AU, Bugged!Cross(Bug), and plenty of other AUs.
(check out my AU details list here)
I'm still figuring out Tumblr, so be patient with me please!
It's important to note that I do write proship/dead dove content, and as a psych enthusiast, I believe exploring darkness through fiction can be a positive and safe experience! So, hopefully there's no confusion there. There's a list of what I am comfortable writing about vs not below the cutoff. (That is why I focus heavily on tagging all of my works adequately, and all of my posts! So that you can block keywords you don't want popping up on your timeline, and you —hopefully— never have to run into anything you don't want to see on my page!)
Two quick rules!
1. We're a SFW blog here, so when I do get our asks set up, please keep everything rated E to PG-13, alright?
2. I personally do not care what people write or draw as long as they're keeping things safe and having fun. Don't bring silly conflicts about what people write or draw onto my blog. (I'm referring to proship/antiship arguments) Thank you!
And a quick note, I do not currently take drawing or writing requests, but I do take suggestions. If you would like to suggest something to draw, I do not guarantee that even if I respond I will do said suggestion or finish it if I do start it. But please feel free to ask questions about my AUs and the characters within them!
Links↓↓ and about me↓↓
Here's the link to our SFW Discord, make sure to be kind and pay attention to the rules!
You can find me on AO3 at Some_VeryGayMoth, although not everything on there is SFW, so navigate with care!
And on Twitter, where I never post, @TgayMoth
Please make sure to take care of yourself and pay attention to tags on any of my writing, or any writing in general. If you see something you do not want to see, don't click on it. Tumblr does indeed have a keyword filter, and I will always do my best to use keywords in my posts, so if you do not know how to set up your keyword filter with the things you don't want to see on your timeline, I would highly recommend you check out this link on YouTube that will show you exactly how to do that!
Now that I've mentioned keyword filters— here's what I write vs don't write!
I write angst, violence, hurt/comfort, gore, all that good stuff.
I've written twincest(shout-out to Dreammare)(not defending this one at all, this was whore activity, and honestly if you're shipping this while riding on the technicality that they're not really brothers you have some shit to sort out because homie this is still just twincest, but I do question whether this counts as twincest due to them being one spirit split in two and popped out of a tree, so like, take that as you will)
I'm not comfortable writing any parent/child stuff but no shade if you do, I usually don't like any OG fontcest stuff either it's just hard for me to digest but again no shade.
I've written stuff about anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, disability, all sorts of trauma, lots of that.
I won't talk about the kinks I write and don't write on here but oh readers there are many yesses, maybes, and hard nos to be found there, I assure you. And again, write or read, no shade.
Uhh honestly I think that's all I have, which is kinda L, maybe I need to step up my dark fiction game if this is all I've got. (It can get so much worse and istg I will write worse stuff to spite anyone who's tossing around hate like it's confetti. And I'll tag it properly so they don't have to see it if it makes them uncomfortable. I'm just cool like that.)
(Oh btw if you're not tagging your stuff properly or make a fuss about tagging things when someone tells you that you didn't tag something properly, you and me ain't cool. Nothing about that is okay. I will never fuss about someone asking me to add a tag, if I EVER miss something please tell me, I will happily add tags for you and keep them in mind for next time.)
About me↓↓
I have been writing for about four and a half years now for the fandom, and I've been here since about the very beginning. I started posting my writing back in early 2021. It's been so wonderful to see this fandom grow and change, blossoming with many fun aus and beautiful ideas, and I hope I can contribute to many more beautiful ideas on my little corner of the internet.
I have some physical health problems that may make it difficult for me to post more regularly, but I will do my best!
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The Opening Sequence Pt 2 The Cemetery
Welcome back to the opening sequence breakdown. It only took me forever to get back to this thanks to con crunching (curse you Crowley's leather vest), split attention, and work. Today I will be, you guessed it cause you probably read the title, talking about the cemetery sequence.
Now there isn't too terribly much here, and I'm sure a lot of this has already been talked about. I've no doubt people were smart enough to already find all this.
But as I have no self control and am in fact procrastinating finishing my Crowley cosplay, here we are. I promise we'll get into some more....weird? Less noticeable??? I don't even know? Stuff as time goes on. We're just starting off with the basics cause it's easier on my brain.
So in the cemetery, we already know that Jim is hiding out behind some headstones next to the mausoleum they enter. Nothing too weird there, aside from the fact he's hiding. BUT WE'RE NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT JIM.
Instead I'm here to talk about all the weird little things on the headstones. Again, I wouldn't be surprised if it's all already been found, I just personally haven't seen anyone talk about it?
We start off seeing this little mausoleum that says 'ARCHER' on it
Which we also see make an appearance in episode 3, when our beloveds are in Edinburgh.
(Did I start this draft then immediately drop everything to lighten/color correct all of season 2 episode three so I could see if there was anything in the background? Maybe...)
Then we have our lovely statue of the one and only beloved yet self absorbed Gabriel. Again, nothing too fancy.
And this little cross with an very interesting symbol on it right next to Gabriel. The symbol from a glance looks to be a money sign but when you take a closer look, I think it's actually three crosses? Or maybe one cross with two little lines on either side and a big 'S' slapped over top.
Then we have our 'Everyday' headstone which is of no surprise due to reoccurring song appearances in the season.
But then something else caught my eye while I was making this post that I didn't notice previously... See that little guy up in the corner of the everyday headstone?
Him?
yeah well idk who he's supposed to be but he's not the only one...
And then a third that is hidden behind a cross
Perhaps important characters? Or maybe a little hint about something that I don't know yet. Or maybe even just put there to fill in the background with no meaning....who knows.
Either way these gentlemen (or ladies) appear in the actual episode behind the Gabriel statue.
Then here we have two...stone caskets? Above ground graves? Where they both look the same, but one appears to be crossed out, maybe worn away with time, and you can't see the other because it's hidden by a headstone that says 'Peter Paintball.'
I have no clue who Peter paintball is. Maybe it's a reference to Season 1, or maybe it's someone on the crew or something. But I have no Earthly clue.
Moving on. As our boys continue their cemetery date with a trail of people and creatures and...objects? Behind them. We see the mastermind behind our Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery. Miss Austen herself.
I'm just as unphased at her name being in this cemetery as I am 'everyday.'
From here, I've had to do a lot of tweaking and playing with the lighting, and I won't lie, some things are still kind of...not quite able to be made out imo. So now we have...
A two for one that kind of leaves my brain churning questions like butter. I'll start with the more legible one.
"Here lies the former shell of Beelzebub."
I mean 'they're just such a little ray of sunshine' so of course this headstone makes sense. But also...why? What exactly does this mean. Like what's it referring to? I get that demons are dead inside which...mood. But could this possibly be referring to whoever Beelzebub was before falling? Or maybe the fact that Beelzebub feels some sort of happiness after meeting Gabriel and therefore the shell has been buried? I don't know. I just sit here and mull this over sometimes and maybe it's not a detail I should agonize over, but still.
Then we have 'here lies...Adam...' with the words underneath that I can only barely make out some of. I have tried fixing this so many different ways, and maybe it's just my lacking photo editing skills but still. I believe Neil has said this headstone is referring to Adam as in Adam and Eve? (Correct me if I'm wrong.) And if I squint I can make out....(from my best attempt at cleaning this up enough to see it)
"I do not understand, surely your very existence requires....of the world..."
Some of the words I can't make out, and the whole bottom line is a mystery to me because it's blocked entirely by the shadow that I can't fix.
Buuuuuut using my skills of deduction I'm going to assume this is a quote from Adam in the show? Gonna assume show and not book all things considered. (Upon further investigation it's Death who says this to Adam.) I can't remember. But the quote is something like
"I do not understand, surely your very existence requires the ending of the world. It is written."
Which...well hell that's a very interesting thing to put on a headstone (once again questioning which Adam Neil said that headstone belongs to...)
(Maybe it's a reference to Adam Young but Neil is saying he's not dead? Because he never actually confirms which Adam this is a reference to but I suppose it could be either considering it begins and 'ends' with an Adam.
But the thing I find really interesting is actually the headstone right next to it, also a take on something Death says in season 1.
'Left early to beat the rush.'
Which. Hell this one took me by surprise the first time I read it. Death says it to the mail man in Season 1 'Think of it as leaving early to beat the rush.'
And if I recall correctly (I don't know where the source is) Neil has said something similar about Terry? So for all I know this headstone could be a nod to Terry Pratchett....or it could be two very interesting Death quotes on back to back headstones.
Could the Adam one possibly be referring to the fact that Adam, by the end of season 1, technically reversed the end of the world? Or something along those lines? I just find it weird that amongst a bunch of (i'm using this word lightly) joke headstones we have two very intriguing Death quotes....
Finally, we have this little interesting bit on the side right here.
We have that symbol from before but a little clearer now...and? A head? There's a bust here in the corner in front of Gabriel.
At first glance it reminds me of the Gabriel angel statue...and maybe this is supposed to be Gabriel...But if you look a little closer...you can see a button up.
Now this is the best shot I can manage of it.
This looks specifically like Jim. Not Gabriel, but Jim. It's dressed similarly and I think that's his hairstyle. The face looks similar. I momentarily thought it might be Aziraphale or even Crowley but that wouldn't make sense...right?
So for now, I'm thinking that this is a bust of Jim. Very interesting considering Jimbriel is hiding right in front of it and there's a different statue of the Archangel Gabriel earlier in the cemetery....So what the heck is this all about...
Now if I missed any, or if any of the headstones in the background have writing that is hard to make out, let me know and I'll update this post.
But as I said before, I'm sure someone has already done this. Consider this a reference post, maybe let your gears turn a bit about some of the epitaphs because they're certainly some head scratchers if you ask me.
Thank you for reading this, and keep a look out for more of the opening sequence breakdown series in which I slowly lose more and more of my mind staring at this thing and picking out little tiny details.
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens spoilers#good omens season 2#good omens meta#the opening sequence
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Okay, I am a new TOH fan, just marathon watched everything. I had the pleasure of pretty much knowing all the characters and plot points from mutuals posting about it LONG before I saw the show. But now that I've finished it, I have a question for a more seasoned fan---
Are we sure that Hunter is a grimwalker of Caleb? That seems to be the fandom consensus, but it's never actually said in the show. What if Hunter is a grinwalker of Caleb's SON?
*he is refered to as Belos' nephew. Sure, this can be explained other ways, but...
*In hollow mind, in the image of Caleb being lead away by the witch, the witch looks like she could be pregnant
*in the final fight of king's tide, Belos reveals his human face when approaching Hunter, and calls him Hunter. He says "I was only trying to help you" and only yells the name Caleb when he sees Flap.
*Hunter has witch ears, not human ears. If he was a grimwalker of a human, wouldn't he maybe have human ears? I don't know how grimwalkers work
What if after killing Caleb, Philip somehow got ahold of his son, the first Hunter? The kid would be half a witch, making him a lot more worthless/loathsome/disposable to Philip/Belos. What if he really is, and always has been, his nephew???
IDK. Am I a noob missing some key detail that confirms it as Caleb? Or is this a possibility?? TEACH ME 😆
Ok. So I spent several hours researching this lmao. I also got on a few rabbit trails so I will be taking several rabbit trails with this one.
SPOILERS AHEAD
To start, let’s figure out what a Grimwalker is shall we?
I’ve searched high and low through the internet for myths and such, trying to find some kind of basis for this being but it seems to be consequently made up. Atleast In whole, but it seems to be derived of many different things. I searched up grim in mythology and found something called “Grim Church” also called the “black dog”. Which is funny to me considering Hunter’s new love of wolves. I think it’s a lot considering Belos uses these Grimwalkers to “pure” the world.
There is also something called “Shadow Walkers” which was a book LITERALLY WRITTEN BY ONE OF THE GRIMM BROTHERS. The literal two who went about collecting stories from town to town. So I dug into that a little bit, unfortunately you have to pay for the book or something so I was not able to gather much, however. There is a game that features them, but I don’t want to go into that. Not really.
Also the American Indian term for “Shadow Walker” literally means “someone that walks in two worlds”
He was also made of something called “Ortet” which in botanist terms literally means, “THE ORIGINAL SINGLE PARENT PLANT FROM WHICH A CLONE IS ULTIMATELY DERIVED”. Which definitely confirms that is was made by asexual reproduction of sorts. We’ll get back to that.
Also, Selkie scales. My bet would be Philip used those, well anyone who was trying to make a Grimwalker, would use that to shape the creation into what it wanted, as Selkies have the power to shed their skin and transform into humans. That could also explain some of the sensitivity to Hunter’s hand of that indeed had anything to do with his outer appearance.
The palistrom had “keratin” listed next to it. That has to do with hair obviously. Which could explain why his grew so long? Maybe his use of magic, (like when Belos took over him) it grew out.
Then we have the stonesleeper lungs. I really couldn’t find much of anything on that aside of what the owl house gave us. They’re dinosaur like creatures in which they turn to stone when they sleep. They’re aggressive in nature but are pretty sturdy and tough creatures I suppose. Which would help in keeping the boy alive during that toughly enduring reading and missions.
Then we have the galderstone. The owl house explains it as an old relic that has the magical ability to boost one’s power. Also listed as “heart.
So onto the question at hand. Given the information of these two, I think it’s safe to say it could go either way. Giving the information I’m about to give you, I can tell you why that probably not the case.
Your first fact and second fact. While this could be soooo true, I don’t think Belos was able to get his hands on that baby. When he murders his brother, they’re alone, and there’s fire around them. The next memory, it’s just her, a clearer pic and she is noticeably less round. So there IS a chance he did in fact come for his nephew. That was his family. Forget the witch, his brother is gone but his legacy will continue sort of thing. Oh I know. I’ll make my own nephew.
Your third fact. I can also see this. But it’s as I said, considering the long line of clawthornes we have now, and they are no doubt the descendants of the two. That baby survived. But since this, I’m even more convinced now that Belos generally beloved this to be his nephew. I’m a sick sort of way ofc. Maybe his, “I was only trying to help you” came from the place of, oh I delivered you from your witch mother and betraying father. After all he says “wild magic” did this to OUR FAMILY. He’s referring to both of them.
Your last point, I think, since Belos found a way to shift his own ears, he could have easily used the selkie scales or whatever else to form this little half witch the way he wanted. While “ortet” really stands out to me, the fact that Hunter is considered half a which when he’s literally made of magic kind of adds to this even more. His genetics were made by Caleb I believe. But the magic in him, that he was made of, makes him “half a witch”. He might not be one genetically, shoot he’s not even human. He’s straight up made of magic and other stuff.
So nah, I don’t think he’s made of Caleb’s son. I think he was made in place of him. Philip couldn’t convince his brother, so why control his nephews life? They’re family after all.
#Hunter Wittebane#belos#Philip Wittebane#Evelyn clawthorne#hunter noceda#grimwalker#the owl house theory#TOH spoilers#the owl house#long post#asks#my stuff
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PACIFIC RIM PROMPTS
* assorted dialogue from the 2013 film
we have chosen not only to believe in ourselves, but in each other.
not today.
there is something here we don't understand.
i really can't say.
i saw everything.
we never find anything good.
don't get cocky.
i knew he wouldn't make it.
let's get this bastard.
do not let my calm demeanor fool you.
we needed a new weapon.
who wants to know?
do i make myself clear?
i just don't wanna regret all the things that i never said.
you can go back to the wall that i found you crawling on.
haven't you heard?
i don't care what you think you saw.
guess who's back?
you have to get out of the way.
if you want to help, help with that.
you don't need to.
fortune favors the brave.
there is only one way to make sure.
i was told he was here.
this conversation is over.
turns out i was looking in the wrong direction.
you have no idea who the hell i am, or where i've come from.
you and i are the only thing standing between that ugly bastard and a city of two million people.
one look, that's all i needed.
i can do this alone.
oh, that's great. that's really great!
where would you rather die?
i want to get my hands on that.
can we just talk about this for one second?
i'm sure you can appreciate how important this moment is to me.
you can win.
i need to talk to you.
we either sit and wait, or we take these flare guns and do something really stupid.
where is my goddamn shoe?
i know. i always have.
kick his ass!
it's not obedience. it's respect.
tens of thousands of lives were lost.
don't you ever touch me again.
i think this guy's dead.
numbers are the closest we get to the handwriting of god.
hey handsome.
what do you want?
you like the name?
i imagined you differently.
i've heard a lot about you.
together. i'll go with you.
ugly bastard.
why don't you say hello?
we learned this was not gonna stop.
i'm not about to tell you my whole life story.
i do not need your sympathy or your admiration.
all i need is your compliance and your fighting skills.
the world is coming to an end.
let's check for a pulse.
i thought you couldn't keep them alive.
you're squeezing me too tight.
you're serious?
oh, i'm gonna miss you.
i take it myself.
i asked you not to refer to me by my first name when i'm around others.
there are things you can't fight.
better or worse?
do i really have a choice?
this is worth fighting for.
when i was a kid, whenever i'd feel small or lonely, i'd look up at the stars.
this was just the beginning.
we're gonna own this bad boy.
i'm sorry, it hurts to be wrong.
trust me, you don't want to.
we don't have to just obey him.
oh my god! this place is heaven!
tell me what you want before i gut you like a pig.
this is our research team.
i am not wrong.
you got a good eye.
whatever you wanna call it.
you would do that for me?
#rp starters#rp memes#rp prompt#rp meme#rp musings#roleplay memes#roleplay prompt#roleplay meme#writing prompt#askbox meme#ask memes#rp asks#ask meme#inbox meme#inbox prompts#inbox prompt#rp inbox meme#mcflymemes#sentence starter#sentence starters#sentence starter prompt#pacific rim
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𝐀 𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 The secrecy surrounding Mary's activities and a little brown book lead to you feeling pushed out and rejected. However, all that changes with a confession from your partner.
𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐩(𝐬) Transmasc!Mary x Transmasc!Reader
𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 Brief smut (18+ only, MINORS DNI), grinding, use of the term t-dick to describe yours and Mary's genitals, dirty talk, Mary using sex as a distraction, arguments, anger, Mary discussing himself pre-transition and his fears surrounding part of himself because of that, happy ending.
𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 2754 words
𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 I am semi-back from my writing break! This fic means a lot to me from the standpoint of an AFAB transmasc person who also has insecurities about a similar thing Mary has insecurities about in this fic. This fic does talk about things that can be dysphoric, so please keep that in mind when reading this fic! I've briefly proofread to make sure I've not used she/her pronouns to refer to reader or Mary at any point but if I've missed any please let me know so I can correct that ASAP.
𝐊𝐨-𝐟𝐢 𝐓𝐢𝐩 𝐉𝐚𝐫
The scratch of pen on paper as you curl into Mary’s side is possibly one of your favourite sounds. It was the sound you woke up to the morning after your first night together and it was the first real glimpse you got into who your partner is behind the corpse paint and crimson blood they don onstage every night. You’ve both been here so many times before that you don’t need to look up to see what they look like right now. The image of their inky devil’s lock out of place and messy from your fingers threading through it in the throes of pleasure, the faint remnants of black clinging to their eyes where baby wipes couldn’t quite wash it away, pea-green eyes narrowed and plush lips pursed as their pen flies across the page.
His arm moves just so as he continues to adorn the page with rushed words from the depths of his mind. You know that he’s writing lyrics, but never what those lyrics are until you attend one of Repugnant’s concerts and hear them playing a new song or when you sit in on band practice and listen to them coming up with possible arrangements for what he’s written. That little black book of his is never far from him, kept secure either in his jeans or leather jacket pockets.
However, when you glance up at them now to try and sneak a peek you realise it’s not the same book. No, it’s not the soft black moleskin cover surrounding off-white pages of lined paper that’s in your lover’s grasp tonight. Instead, it’s brown leather and the pages have yellowed with age. You’re not sure what this book contains, but it’s much older than their go-to for scribbling down lyrics in a hurry before inspiration flutters away like leaves in a storm. You don’t even catch one of the words on the page before Mary shuts it and gently bops you on the head with it.
“I see you, nosy.” His tone is teasing and you can’t help but smile. “Trying to get a sneak peek at the goods before I’m ready to give them up?”
“Ah, you caught me! Whatever are we going to do about it?”
He chuckles before leaning over to his drop the book inside his bedside drawer, returning to you just to crawl on top of you with a smirk. Your eyes wander down from his face to his prominent collarbone, bite marks adorning it like tailored accessories made just for him, and then to the faint scars under his pecs. Lower still your gaze travels to the soft stomach you’ve marked up more times than you can bother to recall and the thighs you love digging your fingers into every time they fuck you. It’s while you admire their body that they deliberately grind down against you, leaving you gasping at the friction.
“Maybe what you need is a distraction, hm? Something to keep you occupied so you don’t have time to be so nosy.”
Your hands instinctually grab onto their waist as they roll their hips against you, their t-dick rubbing up against your own with such practised precision you can’t stop the moan that tumbles from your lips.
“What’s wrong, baby cakes?” They’re teasing you again, mocking you with the little pet name you accidentally gave them once when you were drunk after one of their gigs. “Does it feel too good? Too cock drunk to come up with a response? Don’t worry, I’ll take very good care of you.”
Mary rocks their hips again, slow and purposeful, and you throw your head back as you give in, all thoughts of the unfamiliar brown book scattering in favour of feeling every sensation they give you.
***
You think you’re hearing things when you return home from work early. A soft, crooning voice emanates from the bedroom accompanied by the strum of an acoustic guitar. Does Mary have a friend over? As far as you’re aware, they don’t have an acoustic and they’ve never sang around you for you to be able to decipher whether it’s them or someone else.
“Mare? That you?”
The singing and guitar stop with a dissonant chord that has you wincing as well as Swedish expletives coming from your shared bedroom. Your lover swiftly appears from behind the door.
“Wasn’t expecting you home so soon. Something happen at work?” The look on his face is one of genuine concern. The last time you’d returned home early, it was because of a family bereavement.
You offer him a reassuring smile. “Nah, they just let me off early. Friday night and all that. Do you have someone over? I thought I heard singing when I came in.”
For a split second, you think you see Mary panic. However, it passes so quickly that you can’t be sure and are quickly distracted by your lover strolling over to press a kiss to your lips and wrap his arms around your waist. His lips are dry and chapped and his tongue tastes like black coffee. It’s more of a stale coffee flavour than fresh, but it’s intoxicating all the same because it’s him and he’s dipping you a little, one of his hands moving up your back to support you as your tongues tangle. When he breaks contact, your chests heaving to catch your breath, he finally speaks.
“Just you and me here, babe. You and me. All alone.”
The way he purrs those last two words stirs something inside you, but something feels… off. They’re trying to distract you, just like they did the other night. Just like every time you venture too close to a particular part of themselves that for whatever reason they refuse to share with you. There’s a sting of hurt at the thought that they don’t trust you enough or don’t want you to get to know that part of them that their friends probably already know so well. You’d call them out on it, but the fear of them ending things because of you pushing too hard has its claws sunk deep within the corners of your mind.
So, you don’t say anything. Instead you wiggle your eyebrows at them and giggle when they growl and playfully slap your behind before leading you to the bathroom to “clean up” after your day at work.
***
You’ve had enough. Enough of the distractions. Enough of him shutting you out. Enough of feeling like you’re not trusted. Perhaps that’s why you’re both arguing so loud that you’re amazed you’ve not received a call or visit from the landlord telling you both to keep the noise down.
“How could you even think that I don’t trust you? After all we’ve been through, how can you think that?”
“Are you kidding me right now, Mare?” The hurt and anger swirl as one within you and you hate the way it makes your face and ears feel so hot. “How am I supposed to feel when all you do is hide from me?”
He groans and drags his hands down his face. “Oh my god, not this again!”
“Yes, this again! You keep shutting me out when I try and get close to you and you know how much that hurts me.”
“What, so I’m not allowed secrets now? I’m not allowed to keep some things just for me?”
“I’m not saying that, and you know it. Every time I think I’m about to be let in you try to distract me with sex!”
It’s the roll of Mary’s eyes that makes you finally snap.
“You know what? Fuck this.” You storm off towards the bedroom, weaving around them as you try and hold back infuriated tears. The thudding of combat boots on wood behind you alerts you to the fact your lover is following behind you and you don’t know if you want to shout at them to leave you alone or break down in their arms.
“Babe, c’mon,” Mary says, reaching out and taking hold of your hand. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to shut you out.”
You scoff. “It certainly feels like you are.”
“I know.” A quiet lull in the midst of your spat. It almost feels too quiet. Too calm. Blood is still blasting through your veins full throttle from the intensity of your arguing. “Let’s just… sit down. Talk. I don’t want to lose you over this.”
Reluctantly, you nod in agreement and the two of you sit on the bed, backs against the headboard and pillows while Mary plays with the fingers on your left hand. The lack of talking does nothing to reassure you that they’re going to give you any explanation, but even in your anger you’re not going to push them. Despite how hurt you are, you trust in them to explain things like they said they will.
“I’ve… never really told you about before.”
Mary doesn’t need to say what before means. You instantly know and watch them, attentive.
“The guys were all there for me when I came out. Mamma and Pappa always supported me and kinda already knew, so that was never the issue. But I thought… I thought that if I sang I’d sound too feminine. Too much like the old me. I hated how feminine I sounded when I sang, so I stopped. It turned out well in the end, of course, because I don’t sing in the band and I never did. But it hurt because I had all these songs I used to write to process my emotions and explore different things and I couldn’t sing them anymore because I didn’t want to hear the old me, you know? Even the band haven’t heard my singing voice before. I’m the only one who’s heard it since I’ve been on T because what if they listen and they think I don’t sound masculine enough or I don’t sound like me? And the band is so niche and specific with its themes around cannibalism and necrophilia and horror that I’ve never felt like I can show them the other songs I wrote as well as the ones that I write in that book now. I don’t want them to view me differently. It would… hurt too much.”
Your fingers intertwine with theirs and give their hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Their eyes become glossy with fresh, unshed tears and you lean in to rest your head on their shoulder, their cheek coming to rest atop your skull as they tilt their head.
“I didn’t mean to shut you out like that.” Mary’s voice shakes as they speak. “It’s just… really scary thinking about sharing it with anyone because it’s something that I’ve kept for myself for so long. I wouldn’t have coped if I sang for you and you thought I didn’t sound masculine enough. Your opinion means a fucking lot to me and I didn’t want to lose you if… if…”
“Hey.” You’re both sat up again, your hands cupping his face so that he’s looking straight at you. “You could never lose me because of your singing. I would love your voice no matter how it sounds because it’s part of you; the person I love. Your voice is perfectly masculine because it’s your voice. I’m so sorry for getting upset at you. I had no idea you were going through this and I shouldn’t have gotten so angry. I should have been patient.”
A tearful smile as their hands rest atop yours. “You have been patient. And you were right. I was trying to distract you with sex because I thought that maybe you’d forget and drop it out and you’d stay longer because you wouldn’t find out about my singing or my songs that I used to write before I met you.”
Your thumbs swipe away the trickling trails that roll down his cheeks. “I won’t force you to share your voice or your songs with me if you’re not comfortable with it, but I promise you that it would never change the way I see you or my feelings for you. I love every single part of you, and that includes your voice and your words in whatever form you use them.”
Mary is quiet. His forehead creases in thought for what feels like an eternity, but again you don’t push. Instead, you gaze into his eyes and caress his face, wiping away any tears that escape as he ponders. When he does eventually move away from you, it’s to reach into the bedside drawer and retrieve the secretive brown book. His fingers trail over the cover and along the edges in reverence before he finally allows himself to place it in your lap. Before you can ask if he’s sure he wants you to have it, he climbs off the bed and pulls out a banged up looking acoustic guitar from under the bed. So it was him playing the guitar that time…
“There’s… a song in there. On the fifth page. I’ve been practising it while you’ve been out at work. I’d like you to hear it. If you want to, I mean.”
Grinning, you pat the spot on the bed beside you and wait until he’s sat cross-legged, guitar in position in his lap, to open it up to the page he wants.
The first thing that sticks out to you is the title: House of Affection. Mary begins to gently strum the chords for the intro as you read through the lyrics scrawled onto the aged page along with his voice. There’s a hit of sadness in the lyrics and the way that your partner sings them. A longing for love etched into their words, but also a weariness weaved into that longing. Wishing for love but not if it comes with deceit and the selfishness of toying with their heart. The desire to not feel that love at all if there is no commitment or genuine intention of reciprocating it. All of it expressed in words arranged in such a way that it could be found in a poetry collection and not seem out of place. Mary puts such emotion and feeling into singing the lyrics that you have no doubt that they come from a place of experience.
And all of that is encompassed in a song less than four minutes in length. You’re not sure you’ve ever felt so moved, not just by the song itself but how much meaning the fact Mary is sharing it with you holds. You’re the only one they’ve shared this with and that is something that has so much more worth to you than any material possession on the planet.
By the time the song is finished, Mary’s hands are quaking. You carefully pluck the guitar from his lap and replace it with yourself, wrapping your arms around them as they cry out of relief and the build up of emotions leading up to this point.
“Thank you, Mary,” your murmur, voice soothing as your rub their back and comb fingers through their hair. “Thank you for trusting me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Tears dampen your shirt as they let out the feelings they’d bottled for so long, and you don’t mind. You’d let your beloved cry all night if they need to. Anything to help release the pent up feelings and thoughts they’d kept concealed and hidden away for so many years. You’re not sure how they managed to cope like this for so long, but you’re glad that they won’t have to anymore.
“I love you so, so much,” you tell him, kissing whatever part of his head you can reach in your embrace. There’s a sniffle and a sound that leaves his mouth before he starts crying again and you let him.
After fifteen minutes of them crying in your arms, Mary eventually calms down and lifts their head to look at you. Their eyes are ready and puffy, nose and cheeks flushed, eyelashes wet. You delicately kiss their eyelids, their forehead, nose, lips. Lips over and over until they finally laugh softly and you can see their smile again.
“I love you too. Thank you for not judging me.”
“Of course. I would never judge you. Never.”
With the way Mary leans in to kiss you again, fingers curling into your shirt to pull you in so close that your bodies could meld into one, you believe them.
#spicy content#mary goore#mary goore x reader#mary goore x transmasc!reader#transmasc!mary goore#repugnant#the band ghost#smut#fanfic#my fanfic#mine
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Observations on the French version of The Infinite and the Divine
1.. I always thought if English has to be translated into anything, French is one of the top 3 most straightforward languages to do it in. At first glimpse this is a direct translation of the English text. Good for cross-referencing, but I'm not anticipating a great deal of unusual localizations or woolseyisms, not that such things are usually at the translator's liberty with novels like these.
2. That said, the Trazyn vs. aeldari farseer encounter is excellent. The warning she gives him is the same (including the planet's demand for 'le sang de Trazyn'), but there's something special about watching him receiving this warning, immediately paying for it with his bodily death, then springing back up with a deadpan 'bon sang!'. Hits a lot better than 'this world sings for the blood of Trazyn' / 'damn!' imo. A nice little linguistical coincidence.
3. When I first read 'le tétrarque' I was thinking tetrarch of... what exactly??? But no that's just the French translation for a necron overlord. 😅 The term of address is 'messire', directly equivalent to 'my lord'
4. Sannet addresses Trazyn formally, while Trazyn tutoyers Sannet. I've yet to find out if Trazyn addresses anyone else in Solemnace this way.
5. Orikan and Trazyn, on the other hand, vousvoyer each other religiously. They don't even drop formality when they're insulting each other as the lowest of the low, and I'm not finding any instances of them doing so while skimming the pages. There's a great deal of coldness between them, but they don't deliberately talk down to each other either. I'll have to come back to this point later when I have a better grasp of French!T/O's dynamic
6. Not sure if I like 'factionnaires' as a translation for 'lychguard'. From what I can tell the French is simply the word for a sentinel or a guardsman, whereas the English is a pun on 'lych (lich)' + 'guard' = 'corpse/undead-guard' = 'body-guard'... just feels like they could've come up with a more clever translation, you know? Or am I missing something? Let me know if you can.
7. Wait Phillias is a svelte stunner? ('La femme élancée') She's definitely tall and stunning, but I always thought she was more on the side of 'built like a goddamned brick wall' or something
8. 'Salopard' 😩👎💢
9. I have emotions towards dream-pipes and wish Zuberkar could've gotten his back
10. Actually Orikan does tutoyer something: the Mysterios. And Trazyn referred to the aeldari gem earlier with a 'tu' as well. This is normal 'tu' usage in French, but it's notable that in the original English Trazyn and Orikan were both specifically addressing those objects as if they were persons. They're not that different, cooing softly at the objects they hold dear.
11. Trazyn is not on familiar terms with his chief librarian ('et apportez-moi tout ce que vous avez sur la Guerre Céleste…') or presumably his copyist crypteks, but he does use 'tu' consistently with his main crypteks (Khybur, Sannet, Tekk-Nev). 'Mes chers fidèles'!
12. Not a French-specific thing but oh my god the vicarious embarrassment Trazyn must've felt over seeing Orikan crowing his supposed victory over Vishani always gets me jghfhhdhshs
13. La tête 😳 ordonna Orikan💫 à l’Immortel 🔫 Prends ton temps 🤯🤪
That's it for Act 1. Will add more in further reblogs.
Disclaimer: not a native French speaker, also have not previously read French WH40K articles/wikis/literature/etc. I'm likely missing out on many linguistical curiosities, so if anyone else has this edition of I&D, I'd love to hear your thoughts ✨
#warhammer 40k#wh40k#the infinite and the divine#trazyn the infinite#orikan the diviner#l'infini et le devin#french#languages#i imagine a closer analysis will reveal itself on multiple reads and also when it's not literally half one in the morning 🤪#the narrative content really is identical so i'm focusing on differences the french text is -forced- to have#the big ones have already been outlined i think but there are still three acts to go
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Backslide Analysis
I want to preface this analysis by saying that Backslide is about two things, one more so than the other. Surface level it is about Tyler being afraid of his career with Twenty One Pilots failing.
On a deeper level, it is about the cycle of depression. Here’s the fun thing about clinical depression, it does not go away. Sure you can heal, get better, and learn how to manage it so it isn’t so overwhelming, but it never truly disappears. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that when you have depression there is a fear that you will slip back into your worst moments.
This is something I think Josh captures well with the music video. When he posted it to his Instagram he put the caption “This song is really meaningful to me.” If I had to guess I’d say Tyler probably laid out the album and let Josh pick whatever track he wanted. Probably with the exception of Next Semester since Tyler knew what he wanted to do with that one.
I’d wager that this is either Josh’s favorite song on the album or the one that spoke to him the most or likely both.
One last thing. Twenty One Pilots has always been a way for me to deal with my own mental health issues. When I pick apart their lyrics it is with heavy bias towards myself. There is a overlay of “if I wrote this this is what I would have meant”.
Anyway onto the analysis
[Intro]
I don't wanna
[Verse 1]
“Rat race, place to place, adding weight/Tendencies on repeat, innit”
This plays into the cycle of everyday life especially with depression. How it feels like you are just going with the motions and how that begins to weigh on you. This sort of monotony causes you to fall back into old habits, or maybe the fact that you are just going through the motions is the bad habit.
“Benefit from a shoe with no lace”
I’m not confident in what I think this line is saying. My interpretation of this line literally is that having shoes with no laces means there is one less thing you need to do, one less thing to think about, which can be a benefit or a detriment. A less literal interpretation is this line being more sarcastic and it being more like saying he feels like a shoe with no lace. That part of him is missing or that something is wrong. There isn’t a benefit.
“Take the seat with the crease in it”
This goes back into the discussion of cycles and going through the motions. The seat having a crease implies that he sits in that seat a lot. It’s part of the routine. This connects directly the line “Tendencies on repeat, innit”. In both its rhyme and its meaning.
“I don't mind if it's lonely, I don't mind if it's fair/I don't care, you control me, leading me anywhere”
To me, this reads as denial. He does care, a lot actually, but he’s trying not to, or he’s trying to convince his dark thoughts (Blurryface) that he doesn’t care. When you let depression and anxiety control you you try to convince yourself that you’re okay with that. That nothing is wrong.
“I don't wanna backslide to where I've started from/There's no chance I will shake this again”
When I first heard the “I don’t want to backslide” part I thought he meant his career, but the second half of this pre-chorus takes me away from that thought completely. I am of the firm belief this is saying “I am terrified of relapsing because I don’t know if I have the strength to get better again.”
The definition of “backslide” according to Merriam-Webster (yes I’m pulling out all the stops) is to “lapse morally or in the practice of religion” or “to revert to a worse condition”. I’m ignoring the religion aspect because I personally do not view TOP through a religious lens. I think the fact that this is the specific word choice means this song is very much focused on backsliding in mental health.
“'Cause I feel the pull, water's over my head”
If you listen to Twenty One Pilots you know that Tyler Joseph loves his water references. People have already connected this to the pre-chorus of Fall Away which I do agree with. This song and this album in general seems to be a love letter to everything that came before it.
Have you ever been caught in a rough wave? Because it is not fun and it can actually be terrifying. This line is about Tyler feeling the tug of old dark thoughts pulling him under the water. People will often describe depression as the feeling of drowning because it is a very apt description.
“Strength enough for one more time/reach my hand above the tide”
Struggling with mental health is exhausting and there are plenty of times where you have the thought “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” You don’t think you have the strength to keep reaching out for anything to grab onto.
“I'll take anything you have/If you could throw me a line/I should've loved you better”
I’m of the firm belief that a big part of this song is Tyler talking to his younger self and Blurryface. I know I’ve seen people say “Oh, ‘you’ is god obviously” which it very well could be, but that just isn’t the case for me.
I relate this to the feeling that my depression is kind of in cahoots with my younger self. I picture it as being willing to take any beating just so you can get out of this one hole. Obviously, no one is at fault for their depression and how that takes away their childhood, but it often feels that way. Like you are personally responsible and your younger self resents you for it.
I think a lot of people hate their younger self. You hear it often people saying “I was so weird back then” or anything like that. But those thoughts just make it all worse. I think in order to heal you need to realize that you often need to love who you were.
I also come at this from the perspective of a trans person. So part of that self hatred comes from that. Hating the fact you didn’t get to grow up as who you actually are. But once again, that isn’t your younger self’s fault. It isn’t your fault either.
“Do you think that now's the time/you should let go?”
This is the response to the previous lines by those dark thoughts. Give up, let the wave drag you down. Aren’t tired, just accept it. Which is then followed by
“It's over my head”
Which implies that Tyler listened.
[Verse 2]
“Bad place, on a hundred-dollar bass/kinda wishin' that I never did "Saturday"
I view this line as being about No Phun Intended. If you’ve listened to that album you know just how dark of a place someone has to be in to write that kind of stuff and sing it the way Tyler did. Also considering that Tyler was a high school student it wouldn’t surprise me if he had a super cheap bass. If not about No Phun Intended then I would say it would be about the Self-Titled album or Regional At Best for very similar reasons.
This connects directly to the idea of not wanting to Backslide. That fear of falling back into your worst moments. Not wanting to be in the headspace he was in when he wrote those songs.
This is then somewhat contradicted by him saying that he sort of wishes he didn’t put out “Saturday”. One thing I will say is I always appreciate Tyler’s sincerity when it comes to regret and anxiety. This is most blantant on Blurryface which makes a lot of sense. Considering this song is sort of the return of Blurryface it is even more appropriate. I’m not a huge fan of Saturday. Not because its “different” to what they usually put out, but I just don’t vibe with the music. It has some great lines but it does admittedly feel too produced.
I think part of this line is showing that the backlash from Scaled and Icy, which is best represented by Saturday, got to Tyler. He is only human. He has been very upfront in saying that he does, in fact, care what people think. This line is actually perfect at encapsulating his anxieties combined with his desire to not go back to a dark place.
Maybe he also feels like he wasn’t true to himself in that song, or that the response to Saturday is part of what caused his fear of backsliding.
“‘Is that a stain? You should change/Are you doin' good?/Did you solve all of your problems?’”
I’m very much of the opinion that the boy at the lemonade stand is meant to represent a younger version of Tyler. I often picture how my younger self would react to me now. I know one of the main questions young me would have would be “did we get better?” Then there is an even younger version of me that has no idea what he’s in for. He would represent “Is that a stain/you should change”. This is obviously referring to the back paint Tyler uses that represents his depression and anxiety. That younger version of him doesn’t know what is in store, so the paint is seen innocently as a stain.
“Thanks for asking, in a way, but/accidentally uncovered a new one yesterday”
Tyler has talked in the past about the cycle of getting better and then falling back. This line most directly connects to what I was talking about in my intro about the fact that depression never really goes away. Life goes on and new problems arise.
“What happened to what I brushed under the rug?”
This alludes to the fact that Tyler never truly solved some of his problems. Instead he just brushed them under the rug, but it didn’t stay under the rug,
“I used to be the champion of a world you can't see/now I'm drowning in logistics”
I’ve seen this connected to both Bandito and Forest as both have a bridge that focuses on Tyler being in control of a world and the destruction of said world. When you have depression you tend to be in your head a lot, and when you are a creative like Tyler, you are in it even more so. I heavily relate to creating worlds inside your head to feel a sense of control. There are ways I could relate this to the lore ™ but I’m not going to for consistency's sake.
The part about drowning in logistics. Creating a world as in-depth and with as many moving part as Tyler did is exhausting. Creating can be exhausting. You can get to a point where you over think it. It all ties back to the fact that Tyler could destroy this world.
“I don't mind if it's lonely (It's over my head)/I don't mind if it's fair (You should let go)/I don't care, you control me (It's over my head)/Leading me anywhere”
The earlier denial is being challenged and their is this sense of giving up.
“I don't wanna backslide”
The outro cycles back into the beginning with the “I don’t wanna-”. The fact that it is also lower and not as audible reflects the defeated nature of the song.
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So it's come to my attention that despite the page I have set up within the desktop version of my blog, I don't have a mobile version of an introduction post here. Oops! This one's newly written, too, in a different format than the other.
So, that being said - Hello!
I am Nikki/Niko (Whichever you prefer!) and I am a 27-year old Genderfluid artist person (My birthday is on January 9th!). I don't think there's too much to be said here, but I can and will say with confidence that this blog has been, especially in the last few or so years built up to be a catch-all for whatever I deem good to reblog or post (All of which typically related to fluff stuff, feel-good vibes or something that I may feel strongly about).
This place is, and always will be a safe space for a) People with disabilities (I am autistic, have ADD and Bipolar as well as Anxiety) and b) LGBTQ+-identifying people (I am, as mentioned before Genderfluid, and I'm Pansexual Panromantic!).
If a reblog or post makes you uncomfortable, then I will happily delete it if asked.
I make it a point to keep these posts SFW especially nowadays - however, I can't quite vouch for possibly the oldest of my posts (as I've been here since the early 2010s along with some ol' dumb teen thoughts involved and it'd take forever to sort absolutely everything out from over a decade ago at this point). I'm pretty sure that I've removed most of the NSFW stuff already from those years ago, but if I missed something then I don't mind deleting it as long as you let me know first (I'm incredibly disorganized and would appreciate a nudge in the right direction).
With these details out of the way - I am an artist that dabbles in various fandoms with no real sense of rhyme or reason outside of either hyperfixated interest or otherwise with the intent to update old ideas and refresh them into new ones. Like most artists on the internet, I ask that you do not repost without credit, trace and/or copy my work. I'm quite literally living paycheck by paycheck with my family right now. You CAN however use my artwork as a reference or as inspiration for your own work - If you do, lemme know! I'd love to see the result!
Here's a vague list of fandoms I dabble in (though my post history doesn't quite show that as I tend to leave most of my stuff to posting on Discord instead):
Pokemon (I've been a part of this one almost my entire life lol)
Sonic the Hedgehog (Another fandom I've been in for a grand majority of my life! I'm more of a casual fan as I haven't made much art recently, but I still absolutely love looking at what others come up with for OCs and stuff.)
Undertale (ESPECIALLY AU-centric)
Digimon (Passionate about this one specifically - I have a project I've been working with under this fandom since 2014 on and off)
Cookie Run (Kingdom primarily with a minor Ovenbreak focus for AU concept ideas)
Dark Cloud/Dark Chronicle (This one's SO obscure, but if you know these games then I give you a virtual baked good of your liking! These two games hold a very special place in my heart.)
Dance Dance Revolution, NotITG, Friday Night Funkin (I'm a rhythm game nerd and love the creativity of the communities surrounding these three - I just haven't been able to piece together anything for it yet visually except for FNF stuff on and off)
A Dance of Fire and Ice (Same as the DDR fandom part, but I've made a couple fanart pieces before so this one I may have an easier time of conceptualizing later)
FNAF (Specifically Security Breach AU work! This one's not as frequent as others but I still have stuff in mind for it. Security Breach is how I finally caved with the FNAF series as a whole after watching how the fandom grew over the years.)
Warriors (Warrior Cats, in our year 2024? Eeyup. I just like the funny spiritual witties!)
Team Fortress 2 (This one's in and out but it's one that I come back to a lot as my boyfriend, regularly interacting and involved in the GMOD animation community reminds me of my own TF2 stuff with his presence alone lol. Love you James! <3)
Persona 3, 4 and 5 (This one's a lil self-explanatory but I have AU ideas surrounding these games that I want to make more art for eventually)
If I have anything else not listed before, I'll add it to the list. C: Please keep in mind that although I dabble in these fandoms, AU versions of existing characters may be changed in terms of sexuality, personality etc to reflect the AU they are from (For example, I have a version of Cream Unicorn Cookie that uses he/they pronouns, and my Redeemed!Pomegranate Cookie from the same AU leans bisexual over lesbian for reasons relating to reflection of character and overall character development. I like to make characters more flexible while self-indulging, so keep this in mind). I note this because my own headcanons about certain characters have set off one or two people in the past unintentionally and they VERY much have pushed things in an effort to keep canon down my throat out of retaliation. Let's just say that this part in particular is a thing that taps a sore spot for me for personal reasons. :/
When it concerns making art of my characters - surprise or not, feel free to make art of them and mention me in post (and/or message me, either way works)! It makes me feel SO loved when I get art from others, and I appreciate every piece dearly. 💜💜💜 (I go so far as to hold onto an archive of art that was done for me - with artist names in-tact within the file name nowadays!)
A few things to consider when it concerns tickling-related matters with me:
I am a Switch! I'm unsure how far Ler or Lee I am just yet, but I do enjoy tickling both ways. Unfortunately, however, I'm the kind of person that practically flies across a room when poked,, (if it comes down to tickling my sona - Niko Spirata - tie or hold 'em down if you want to wreck 'em with tickles lol)
My interest in tickling alone is purely SFW - It feels too weird looking at IRL photos/videos with very rare exception (a lot of the exception is the giggle the lee produces from ticklish contact). As a result, all the stuff I'll be reblogging and posting here is art or animation-related instead!
My favorite tickle trope is the one where a shrunken someone or a small something wiggles under the unwitting lee's clothing to tickle them! (Points at wormonastriing's Squirmles as an example of this trope :3) No, seriously. If I end up with art of any of my characters getting destroyed with tickles in this manner I will ASCEND BEYOND GALAXIES.
My favorite spots with tickling overall are belly, side and rib tickling - on rarer occasions, I enjoy tickling in other places (I prefer foot tickling if the lee has paws instead of normal feet!). This lines up with a particular enjoyment of characters being slightly chubby! I looove a good squeeze of the sides or belly, enough to get the lee blurting out giggles.
I have only a few tags I use now on a regular, but these are:
#nikki-tine (This is my user tag and I put it in with my art posts and other things I post sometimes. You may also see others' posts under this tag, primarily with stuff related to asks or when art's been posted for me in the past <3)
#art, #tickle art, #tickling art (These are self-explanatory!)
#NJEGNJ (Something to that effect, lol. It's not exact but keyboard smash tag is typically wrote similarly or around the same for several posts, all of which ones that got me chuckling or giggling like a dork!)
~
My Commission Status is currently set to OPEN (paypal only, for now).
It's really complicated, however, and I don't have any other methods than Paypal and Robux right now so if you have questions about that then feel free to message me and I'll try to clear it up as best I can!
I only have two prices, both fully colored and shaded.
Chibies are $25 USD (+ 5 for an extra character)
My normal art style is $50 USD (+ 10 for an extra character)
I do best leaving the BG transparent, but if I HAVE to work on one then I can do nature-themed backgrounds pretty okay. It’s not a strong-suit of mine, however…
My Art Trade Status is Busted Wide Open™ to Mutuals, but I'm a little picky and choosy with random people.
If I decline an Art Trade, please don't take it personally!
In terms of Roleplay, It's Closed on-blog, BUT I'm Open to Roleplay in Discord servers (Provided there's a Tupperbot there for me to use).
I've been looking to find an RP server that has mutuals/friends and allows Undertale-related stuff (especially of the tickling-related kind!), so if you're a part of one please let me know!
DM Status overall is Open (As long as you are kind to me, I will return kindness back!).
My Asks are ALWAYS OPEN! I really like getting stuff in my inbox (and I unfortunately don't get asks often at all).
I'm most comfortable interacting with other adults and SFW blogs (this is more-so for safety than anything else on my end. I don't have the emotional or mental energy to handle potential drama involving context-disconnected words). I don't mind interacting with NSFW blogs here but only if in the context of specific interests of mine and not much else.
I don't really have much in the way of who can't interact with me as long as you are respectful/mindful of chat etiquette and are aware of the kind of impact you may make in messaging people like myself.
I do my best to look at blog descriptions and respect DNI's - If I end up poking at something I shouldn't by accident, as long as it's not met with aggression in DMs, I will happily fix whatever problem you may have related to that. I HATE making others uncomfortable/upset!
If you have questions, feel free to ask! I don't really use other forms of Social Media, but I do use some websites with a social aspect to them casually.
Links:
Flightrising (Funny dragon site)
Chicken Smoothie (This one's a fun lil adopt site from the late 2000s)
GPX Plus (This is literally Pokefarm Q before Pokefarm Q lol)
Gaia Online (Another old site with unfortunate currency inflation, but it's the site that's kept me going with character designing and such over the years! The blog part here is old, but the avatar is updated from time to time. This site is the reason I lean on Monochrome + a color as an aesthetic a lot lol)
Bluesky (mostly inactive - want activity there? nudge me here!)
DeviantArt (It's VERY rare I post here now. Also a warning for those under 18 - there's suggestive and nsfw art in my favorites dotted here and there so look with caution. my gallery itself is SFW however and all the works that would have been nsfw are archived.)
Artfight (Self-explanatory!)
#nikki-tine#introduction post#intro post#perpetual pin#hopefully it's enough for you guys - if I'm missing anything lemme know and I'll add what I can#Update 3/14/2024 - Added StH to my list of fandoms#Of all the things to forget adding...#Update 3/18/24 - Added info about making art of my characters in the post!#It’s been asked only a few times over the years but I figured it’d be good to add that in#Was asked about it in messages very recently - long story short PLEASE DO#I would ASCEND to see art of my characters!!#Update 3/21/24 - Added Ask inbox status#Update 3/22/24 - Added commission prices#Update 4/12/24 - Added my birthday!#Update 4/22/24 - Added commission post to comm status
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I'm sure you've seen this post:(https://stillasunbeam.tumblr.com/post/722408222997315584)
I just saw it today, after seeing the fic from spirallingstarcases and have many thoughts. First, 'cornflower blue, I miss missing you' I love that. But also this is on an AB/AP era setlist when Miss Missing You is long since written....so like are these alternate lyrics? Or....reinterpreted lyrics? Why are they writing on the setlist? Cornflower blue obviously also gives us a much more direct linkage to Patrick. Second, hello Grudge lyrics in 2015! Another instance of Patrick squirreling lyrics away for later.
I am absolutely FASCINATED by this. Like, first of all, I love the evidence, that we hear Pete mention here and there, that he gets hit by turns of phrase that he wants to write down at all random times. He says that when he's driving he has whoever he's with (he often implies recently that this is poor Bronx lol) jot down like three words for him so he can remember the thought when he gets home. So, these seem complete, but maybe they're also reminders to himself of even more stuff, in which case "sometimes I miss missing you" could be a reference to the song to remind himself of something else he means to do.
But also, I've always theorized that Patrick is the one who wrote the "I miss missing you" line, in answer to Pete's original line, which was "I miss you missing me." If that is indeed the case, this isn't so much Pete reusing his old lyrics as it is him taking one of Patrick's and fully enfolding it into his words, making it his own.
Either way, whether the original line was Pete's or Patrick's, it doesn't surprise me that Pete might write them down again, might not even in the moment remember that they've already been used. That might sound ridiculous, but let me tell you how many things I have forgotten writing, because it is a LOT, so it wouldn't surprise me if sometimes Pete literally forgets that he's used a turn of phrase already. And if a writer liked a turn of phrase the first time they came up with it, they tend to like it again the second time it occurs to them.
I tend to believe that, even though Patrick forgets lyrics in the heat of the moment at concerts sometimes, he has a decent memory for the lyrics of Pete that he's already used, because, as you note, he seems to keep records of them and go back to them later, so he seems to have a pretty good idea of the universe he's working in. And we know that he deliberately reuses them sometimes. But it could also be that Pete sometimes gives him the same lyric more than once and that puts the idea in Patrick's head.
The "Grudge" lyric showing up there is interesting because they've said "Grudge" was the last song written for the album and that Pete had sent Patrick a bunch of new lyrics because he had decided he wasn't satisfied with the lyrics they already had for the album, and he apparently was like, "Can we use some of these instead?" and instead of using any of them to replace the lyrics they already had (I get the impression Pete wants to change the lyrics FOREVER, he's never happy with them, and Patrick just ignores him), he read them and immediately heard a whole new song and begged Neal to let him add one more song to the album. So that means that either most of the lyrics of "Grudge" were from that new set and Patrick supplemented with some old ones, or the "demand you have no fun" line was in the lyrics Pete sent Patrick and he as the one who recycled it.
I suppose part of me wonders how Patrick would ever even have gotten these lyrics. Like, does Pete just constantly hand across scribbled scraps of paper to Patrick, like, "here you go. some lyrics"???? I love this, I am endlessly charmed by this, I really hope that's exactly how it happens and Patrick's got this messy pile of scraps of paper that he tries to organize and make sense of. I know they've referenced them coming by email in the modern era, but I blame the pandemic for that lol.
Finally, just my last point on this, I read this differently than the transcript on the post says. First, I know the transcript says "Let me know you say," but I originally read it as "Let me know you stay," and then realized that's not what it seems to say, but it looks a lot "Let me know you shy," which also makes no sense. It could very well be "say," that fits and makes some sense but also seems incomplete, so I'm not sure that's the whole line. (And I still like my original misreading of "Let me know you stay" the best.)
Finally, the transcript reads it as:
you'd be no one without me
but it feels too dark
cornflower blue
sometimes I miss missing you
I actually read it as:
you'd be no one without me
cornflower blue
but it feels too dark
sometimes I miss missing you
It's so squeezed in there, I'm not entirely sure which is right, I think it's ambiguous.
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