Console the Griever - copia x gn!reader

Grief is a fickle thing. It hits everyone differently, some more-so than others. We all have to learn how to deal with it and sometimes, no matter how long it's been, we just need comfort and a safe space to feel. Reader is dealing with it being the first anniversary of the loss of a loved one and Copia steps up to be the one they can lean on.

warnings: grief, loss of loved ones mentioned (no descriptions), everything is kept as vague and broad as possible to fit many situations, emotional hurt/comfort

word count: 2.8k

ao3 link

You could feel your insides shaking, your leg constantly bouncing. The work day was almost over. Freedom was so close, even if the only thing you did with that freedom was stay secluded in your room drowning yourself in memories of things, of people, you could never get back. 

A notification popped up on your phone. One of your friends sent you a meme, most likely. That seemed to be the way you communicated lately, solely through memes. The energy to have a full conversation was nowhere to be found and you couldn’t be bothered to look for it. Your eyes fell on the date. 

Knots twisted in your stomach. All day you’ve tried to ignore it, but it was bound to catch up to you eventually. Scrunching your eyes shut, you focused on your breathing. This could wait until you got back to your safe haven – it had to. You took a stuttering deep breath as you organized papers on your desk. Biting your lip, you hoped these tasks could wait until Monday. Staying on track wasn’t an option today, no matter how much you wanted to. 

“Topolina, before you go, could you just email these idiote (idiots) and tell them we have a petting zoo for i bambini of the Ministry for educational purposes and not for ritual sacrifices.” Copia pinched the bridge of his nose as he returned to his desk after setting down the information you needed.

“Of course, Cardinal,” you said quietly, after a brief and quiet laugh left you.

“It’s Papa now, cara,” he solemnly corrected you. 

Great. Another slip up. Your shoulders slumped at your mistake. Couldn’t you just get it together? “Sorry, Papa, I keep forgetting…”

“Ah shit. So do I,” he chuckled as he wiggled his fingers at you, now covered in his white face paint. He wiped it on his black, designer tattered pants absentmindedly before he frowned, having spread the white paint elsewhere. A nostalgic sigh was pushed from his lungs. “I miss my white suit,” he muttered.

“Me too,” you mumbled.

“What was that, cara?”

“Uh, I said, I know you do,” you quickly spoke, covering your small slip up. Your only further response to him was a tightlipped smile. It was just pleasant enough and all you could manage. An angry email. That was your mission right now. Then freedom. You could write a brief angry email.

As you went on with your task, you missed how Copia’s brows furrowed in concern. He knew you’d been acting differently lately. He wanted to chalk it up to just an off day; everyone has them once in a while. Then you started to smile less, his stupid jokes and quips that would always make you giggle barely made you give him more than a “ha.” Something was going on, and even though you were his assistant, a close bond had formed between you both. He hated seeing you turn into a shell of your former self.

Once the email was sent, you felt the crushing weight of the shadows in your mind fighting their way to the surface. You needed to get back to your room. Your breathing started to quicken and your hands were shaking. “Email’s sent. I think that’s it for today, unless you need something else…” you trailed off, praying to Lucifer himself that he would allow you to go home for the day.

“No, no, that was it.”

“Okay, I’ll see you on Monday,” you responded quickly, gathering your things.

“You’re not going to be at dinner?” he asked.

You shook your head. “Um, no, I don’t think so… well, uh, maybe, I don’t know,” you rambled.

“Is everything alright, dolcezza?” You froze at this question. Dolcezza was a rare term of endearment. It carried more weight than the others. This wasn’t Papa asking you, it was Copia.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Your pitch rose, betraying you just enough to earn a raised eyebrow from him. You tried to make your voice sound happier, more even. “Everything’s okay. Just a long week. Case of the winter blues, you know how it goes…” When he didn’t respond right away, you finished making your way to the door. “Have a good weekend, Co– Papa.”

Keeping your head down, you rushed back to your room. With a pounding heart and a heaving chest, you breathed out a shaky sigh as your hand lingered on the now closed door. You threw your bag down at the foot of your bed before you fell backwards onto it, staring up at the ceiling. Dragging your eyes to the window, you noted the weather. Exactly the same as last year. 

The memories sucker-punched you the instant your mind made the connection. Tears rolled down your temples, and before long you were choking back sobs, not wanting the sound to carry to the nearby rooms. Bringing your hands to cover your face, you curled into the fetal position, where you let the wave of emotion, of pain ride its course. 

How had a year gone by already? How had several gone by? You were no stranger to loss, but it never gets easier. All you wanted was to just stop everything in the sense of responsibilities and duties and expectations. It was getting more and more tiring to hold it together in front of everyone. You were seconds away from breaking down today in front of your boss. Even before his… promotion… the two of you could have almost been considered friends, he had just experienced a multitude of losses himself and you couldn’t dump all of this onto him. He had enough to deal with and you certainly weren’t about to add anything to his already full plate. That being said, there were also the formalities that had to be respected. 

You had no idea how much time had passed since your sobs had quieted. A ding from your phone pulled you back into the present moment. Curiosity got the best of you to at least see what the notification was, despite planning to ignore it. A grimace pulled at your features as you saw it was from Copia. Ideas of what the text could contain raced through your mind; you forgot to do something important, he needed you to come in for a bit tomorrow, another email had to be sent, you really fucked who-knows-what up and you’d be reprimanded… Biting your lip in apprehension, you slide the notification open.

Papa Emeritus IV:  Are you sure you're alright dolcezza?? You really haven’t been yourself lately… I hope this isn’t too forward. I just worry about you topolina mia. I am free tonight if you need or want to talk about anything. –C

Well, that was certainly unexpected. You threw your phone on your pillows like it was a hot potato. A blush reddened your cheeks as your heartbeat sped up, finally not because of anxiety. 

He was just being nice. There was no need to read into this. With how much time you spent with him in his office, albeit in a work environment, of course he would know some of your mannerisms. He was incredibly smart. He didn’t get to where he was by being stupid. That being said… perhaps he would be the one to really be able to understand what you were going through. 

Over and over you read that text, your mind racing. Should you respond? What would you even say? Do you want to talk to him? Why is he being so insistent? 

Darkness fell over your room, so you got up to turn on a light, but that just turned into you pacing as you tried to decide what to do.

Again, you lost track of time ruminating in your own world. Your eyes widened when a soft knock at your door stopped you in your tracks. Taking a deep breath, you cautiously went to open the door.

Copia was waiting outside, chewing his lip nervously, as he held two plates of food. “I’m sorry I–” you both said at the same exact time. 

“Go ahead, Papa,” you nodded, encouraging him to go first. It still felt so strange to refer to him by his title.

“I, eh, I noticed you didn’t really have lunch and… you weren’t at dinner, so… I just wanted to bring you this. I promise I won’t bother you again. Well, until Monday. I guess it’s your job to be bothered by me, no?” he laughed nervously as he rambled.

He was here because he cared. So, you listened to the little voice in the back of your mind that was whispering to you how you were more than just an assistant to him.

“Th-thank you…” was all you could manage to say, in shock by the kind gesture.

“Have you been crying, carissima?” he whispered softly. Okay, and then with his use of carissima… That was a new term of endearment, which made your heart skip a beat.

“Is it that obvious?” you laughed humorlessly, but it died in your throat when you saw him regarding you with such concern. You stepped back, giving him room to enter. “I guess I could use some company if you want to have your dinner here… if you’re still free?”

“Certo, certo. For you? Always,” he said as he stepped inside. “I was, eh, hoping you’d say yes.” The shy smile he gave you melted your heart and you swore you saw the slight blush under some spots of his fading papal paint from the long day.

Although your apartment was on the smaller side, it was still large enough to have a kitchenette and a small seating area. One of the perks of having worked alongside senior clergy members for years. As you got some utensils and drinks from the fridge, Copia set the plates on your coffee table while settling down on the loveseat in the corner.

He smiled at you as you set down a couple juice boxes for him and some for yourself. “Before you say anything, I haven’t felt like going into town so I had to dip into the stash I save for you when I need to restock the minifridge in your office,” you chuckled. 

He just shook his head. “Everyone’s always hating on the juice boxes,” he playfully grumbled.

It didn’t hit you how hungry you were til you saw the plate of food in front of you and then when you realized he brought you your favorite. “Wait… how did… This wasn’t on the menu for tonight’s dinner, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t, but sometimes it’s worth it to take advantage of the perks of being Papa.”

He had literally gone out of his way to do this for you. Blinking back tears, you murmured a quiet thank you when you knew you weren’t going to start crying again from his kindness. “How has it been, now that you’re officially Papa?” you wondered in an attempt to keep the conversation light so you could actually enjoy your dinner.

“Eh, it’s pretty much the same as it’s been for the last couple of years. Well, as far as duties and things go, for me at least. They treat me with… a little more respect than before,” he shrugged. 

“I’m still not used to calling you Papa,” you admitted.

“Please, don’t,” he responded quickly. “When it’s just us, call me Copia. I don’t like… I don’t think there has to be such formality between us. We’ve, um, worked side by side long enough…”

“It’s nice to have a sense of normalcy?”

“Sì. Sometimes it just reminds of… what they did to get me here and…” he cleared his throat. “And I’d just prefer you use my name.”

You nodded, knowing he was referring to his own series of losses. Not wanting to encroach on heavy topics yet, you steered the conversation to movies you’ve seen recently, a book you thought he might like, et cetera.

Once you both had finished eating, Copia insisted that you stay put while he cleaned up. When he sat next to you again he turned and wondered, “Did that help you feel a little bit better, dolcezza? I really can’t stand to see you so… hurt.”

You nodded. “It did. It really helped get my mind off everything for just… a little bit. I can’t thank you enough, Copia. You… you have no idea how much this means.” Anxiously, you stared at your hands in your lap as you fidgeted. 

“This week… it’s the first anniversary of her passing, isn’t it?” he spoke with sincerity and a cautiousness as if you might break.

Biting your lip, you nodded again. “You remembered,” you stated.

“Of course, cara.” He took one of your hands in both of his. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here. I’m here for you, if you need me. You’re safe with me, always know that.”

The tears started to well up again. You couldn’t tell if the pressure in your chest was from the surmounting grief you tried to stuff down or from the gratitude of Copia trying to break through to you. “I can’t do that to you,” you shook your head, avoiding his mismatched eyes. “You have your own stuff to deal with. I can’t pile my shit on top of it…”

The hand on top of yours moved to cup your face as he turned your head so you could look at him. “If I couldn’t handle it, I wouldn’t be so insistent. I’m okay. Sure, some days are worse than others. That’s grief. It… it never goes away, but what changes is our ability to handle it and have space for it, to navigate it.”

As you looked into his eyes, you felt the dam break. Tears spilled over and for the first time in a long time, you let yourself be fully vulnerable in front of someone else. Without hesitation, he pulled you to him, cradling your head against his chest as his other arm wrapped around you, holding you close to him. This time, you weren’t solely sobbing from the crushing grief and memories of the past, but because finally you felt like you were able and that you wanted to share with someone everything that you had been keeping under lock and key. 

When you had calmed down enough to talk, you told him your story. You started with how you had lost one of your parents when you were young, how much it still bothered you, how you recently lost another close family member and the anniversaries were so close together. You shared with him how this week you just tried to keep your head above water. You were so afraid of disappointing him, but were too overwhelmed. He just listened. He took it all in stride as he soothingly rubbed your back to keep you calm and grounded. 

“So much of that I’ve… I’ve never told anyone,” you confessed.

“Do you feel better, lighter now?”

“I do. I didn’t realize how much I needed that. I… Just… Thank you, Copia. Thank you for listening, for insisting, for just… being here.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, carissima.” You couldn’t help but give him a quizzical look as you tilted your head to the side. “What’s that look for, hm? Do you honestly think I’ve thought of you as only my assistant? All this time?” His hand cupped the side of your face again with his thumb gently caressing your cheek.

“All this time?”

“Sì. You mean more to me than you know. I couldn’t stand to see you in so much…pain. I couldn’t… I didn’t want to keep my feelings to myself any more. I just hope–”

All inhibitions left you and you couldn’t stop yourself as your hand finally reached up for him to pull him close, stopping his words as your lips met his. The kiss was gentle, but the affection you both had, and could finally admit to both yourselves and one another, was unmistakable. When you parted, Copia couldn’t help but quietly laugh. “You feel the same, I take it?”

“I do. I mean, I have for quite some time now. It’s not just because of this moment…” you trailed off trying to find the right words. 

“We take things slow, then, sì? Even if just for tonight,” he smirked playfully. 

You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped as you nuzzled your head into his chest while wrapping your arms around him, squeezing him tightly. The ache was still there, but it had dulled considerably thanks to Copia. The smile wouldn’t leave your face as your space for your grief having grown two sizes. You didn’t have to go through this alone. Not anymore. Neither did he for that matter, because when the time would come, you knew you could be just as strong and supportive for him as he was for you. And there was no one else you’d rather have by your side.

🖤🌹🖤

Hi!! My prompt:

3:47pm

The lake house on Lake LBJ

Oscar Diaz

Song for vibes: My Way DH by Rascal Flatts

Thank you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

ooooo Oscar was fun to write. note to self, must write more Oscar. anyway i listened to My Wish and immediately had 'dad thinking about his kids' vibes so please enjoy just over 600 words of oscar being happy for his children 💜🦗

read the rest of the ficlets here!

❤️🤍💙❤️🤍💙

3:47pm, lake lbj

It’s a special kind of surreal seeing both his kids in love.

Sure, June may not actually be dating Nora, but that’s a when, not an if, judging by the way Nora half-melts when June smiles at her and the special crinkle of June’s eyes when she watches Nora spout off ridiculous statistics. Oscar hasn’t seen that particular crinkle since June was with Evan. His heart swells with happiness for his oldest every time he spots her and Nora lost in each other’s company or trying to drown each other in the lake or communicating solely through raised eyebrows and quirked lips or when Nora hides her watery eyes when June sings Annie’s Song next to the campfire. They’re practically one brain, one soul even, split across two bodies and it’s stunning to witness.

Sure, Alex may not have admitted to himself that he’s in love with Henry, but Oscar would bet the lake house, his Senate seat, and much more besides, that Alex will figure his shit out soon, because he’s never seen his son like this before. 

Alex has always moved a million miles an hour, always put a ton of pressure on himself, always pushed himself to juggle a seemingly-impossible load. Oscar has seen the dark circles under his eyes when they video chat, has heard the exhaustion in his voice when Alex visits his Senate office, has noted the middle-of-the-night timestamp on one too many emails to think that Alex is completely fine. Oscar recognizes the signs of stress—both from himself and from when he and Ellen lived together—that have been increasing in frequency over the past year.

But lately, and this week in particular, Alex seems settled in his own skin—he’s practically aglow—and not because of the sunshine. Every time he sets eyes on Henry, or makes him laugh, or even just talks about him, Alex lights up. All through prepping the food earlier, Alex had kept glancing out the window, a fond smile on his face at the sight of Henry out on the dock refereeing the girls. Watching his son and Henry interact, it’s like there’s a whole other level of happiness that’s been unlocked. 

Alex’s carefully blank voice when he’d asked if his ‘friend’ Henry could come to the lake house had all of Oscar’s dad instincts sitting up. And his son’s anxious hand wringing when he’d introduced Henry had been enough to tell Oscar that this person was someone special to Alex, even if he’d never indicated he was interested in men before. Their conversation in the kitchen had been an unnecessary, but welcome, confirmation. 

All he’s ever wanted for June and Alex is for them to be safe and happy. The Texas sun shining down only highlights how content his kids are—it looks good on them both—and Oscar is beyond grateful he gets to witness it. He’s always wished for them to dream as big as they wanted to, for them to reach out and gather up all the love they can possibly hold inside. He’s always wanted them to have a comfortable place to land, a secure set of arms to fall into if life knocks them down. He’s always wanted them to know they can fly free, knowing someone loves them unconditionally. And sure, he and Ellen and Leo and all their extended family love Alex and June but— It’s immensely satisfying knowing that the universe has answered Oscar’s wish and led both of his children to their people.

He hopes they’re both brave enough to reach out and gather their loves close, and hang on tight through whatever life throws their way.

NMTDaily: VOX POPS

- Hi all! I’m going to be rewatching along with TCWs NMTDaily and making posts about each episode, or as many as I can (I might miss some, but I hope not!)

- I want to start by saying thank you again to The Candle Wasters for making my favorite thing. Just, the amount of joy and creative fulfillment and friendship and delight I’ve gotten from this show and this fandom is still unmatched. Thank you so much for making it and sharing it. The love and care and skill with which NMTD was made still shines through and I’m still so awed by it. I think I was probably somewhat overdramatic about my reactions to Lolilo in places where you, TCW, could see, on my main blog, and you didn’t deserve that. I really hope I didn’t send you any aggressive asks about it, or make you uncomfortable in any way. I’m a little afraid I did, but I don’t know for sure. If I did, I apologize. I’m older and more mature now, I promise. I hope you’re all doing so very well now!

- I didn’t realize until today that Project I: VOX POPS was posted first, before any other video in the series. I didn’t start watching NMTD until right around the time Benedick’s first Q&A video was posted, so I binged the first chunk of episodes around that time. It will be interesting to watch them at a slower pace this time!

- I am immediately overwhelmed with warm fuzzies at seeing these characters again. They’re such babies! I love them!

- I never made a post about this, but Ben’s first line being about how he shares a (differently spelled) name with a Pope is both a great first line for him on a character level since he starts as kind of a cocky overconfident asshole (a cover for his soft sensitive insides) AND it’s evidence for my theory that he’s probably Catholic, but lapsed/non-practicing/maybe agnostic or atheist solely because I WILL keep projecting parts of me onto this character, it’s just what I do at this point. Other evidence: he has a confirmation name. We don’t get his full name til Lolilo, but still. And he’s partly Scottish, which can account for the fact that English people usually are not Catholic.

- “you need to imitate an eagle, that’ll scare them away!” That’s Ben’s second line and first bird reference! Already! Wow.

- The favorite band question! Mumford and Sons! Fife and the Drums! Sheep Dog and Wolf! The LORE! The REFERENCES! We’re already off to the races.

- “I don’t need chat-up lines” Beatrice I love you , and you have no idea what’s coming.

- I forgot about Beatrice’s Favorite T-Shirts Ranking System lol

- Extremely funny that Ben says bananas are his favorite food and then he goes on to become synonymous with mangoes instead. Sorry, buddy, you will always be Mango Skin Boy to us. xD

- I forgot how delightful Dogberry and Verges are in this episode

- “that you would leave me” oh Meg. Oh honey. Oh no.

- I’ve seen nine seasons of Doctor Who and only five episodes of Game of Thrones since 2014. Sorry Bea, I side with Ben on this one. And I’ve seen one season of Community. I’m slowly hacking away at the list of media referenced in nmtd that I need to watch!

- love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free! ❤️

- Balthazar plays every instrument, of course.

- Bea must not have an ear for music if she hated that question enough to force Ursula on-camera so she doesn’t have to answer it… Unless Ursula asked her something else she didn’t want to answer! Lol

- Ben makes me cringe so hard a couple times this episode. And yet I still love him. To be fair, that’s just every Benedick at the start of Much Ado, though. The cringy lines are completely in character.

- I decided to save the full story of how I discovered NMTD for whenever the NMTDaily email for Ben’s first Q&A episode goes out, because then it will actually be ten years almost to the day since I started watching. But I’m so impatient and excited to tell the story!

- It’s amazing how back then, these kids were my contemporaries and the Lizzie Bennet Diaries cast felt impossibly old compared to me. Now the NMTD kids are babies and I’m older than Lizzie Bennet! Trippy. It sure has been a nice ten years.

Until the next one! Happy NMTD Day, fellow flamangoes!

💖🥭🦩

also. once a-fucking-gain The Fuckening Continues To Continue With My Fucking Dad’s Fucking Estate and the way everyone is handling it in a way that seems COORDINATED to be as cruel to me specifically as possible. sorry for Continuing Oversharing lmao hopefully this is just. done now.

to recap the previous Fuckening, i was misled in a way that feels extremely clear and deliberate by the HR lady at my - abusive, now deceased - father’s work to think i was a beneficiary of his life insurance policy. I Am Not. my sister is the sole beneficiary and im named as the contingent which based on surrounding context is something he did as a “fuck you” to me for not having anything to do with him for the last seven years. as a result of the way the HR lady spoke to me about it - grouping my sister and i together as a unit, as Beneficiaries, plural, etc - i ended up under the clear impression i was one, until a phone call with the insurance company cleared up that he basically disinherited me as directly and deliberately as possible. even so, i have been dealing with the major bulk of the stuff his work and associated accounts and estate stuff needed from the family, because my sister is too despondent to want to deal with any of it and is refusing to answer phone calls, emails, or do any paperwork. my mom is babying and coddling them about it, as per the usual approach to my sister, who it is a cardinal sin to upset in my family.

so today i get Another email from the HR woman at my dad’s work. she is like haha yeah too bad i wasn’t clearer that you don’t get anything before making you do all this work! anyways, we need xyz paperwork from you guys still :). and i just.

she is. STILL hounding me for shit i dont have and am not INVOLVED IN because my fucking sister - who by the way is a grownass adult, and i know i sound insensitive but they’re almost 24 and i know they’re grieving but im not exactly having a fucking awesome time here - is dodging all attempts to contact them.

so i email her back and say i am almost entirely uninvolved in any of this please contact my mother or sister for further assistance. and then screenshot the email and texted it to my mother and told her hey. im done dealing with this. please take point on this because my sister’s inability to answer an email has caused ME to carry the burden of all of this constantly and i have compassion for them and what they’re going through but im fucking done. but in like. lawyer speak.

mistake, clearly, to mention my sister at all bc in the ensuing back and forth where im attempting to make it clear that my sister’s consistent non-responsiveness from the very beginning have made me the only person who will answer a phone call or email from this HR lady who has important paperwork she needs to do, and i am fucking Finished and will Not be doing this anymore because for obvious fucking reasons im uninterested in doing any more work for this estate situation - and fuck this lady for effectively lying by implication to get me to chase my mom and sister down for her. and all my mom is doing is getting defensive and protective of my sister. ignores a message i sent her that was long enough it wasn’t containable in a single phone screen and sends back two brief sentences about how my sister is completely blameless for anything and they don’t even have the paperwork HR Lady wants from us. and goes around and around about how my sister has done Everything Right and any contact i’ve gotten from HR Lady is not related. despite this woman saying to me repeatedly “we have not heard from your sister” as an explanation for why she was emailing to calling me.

the whole time too im like. texting her in Lawyer Speak lmao i am writing this as if i am communicating with Combative Opposing Council.

and it just. my fucking mom. the fucking fact that my mother is prioritizing my sister over me even in a direct conversation with me when she knows well and fucking good why i might be KIND OF UPSET RIGHT NOW - and it’s something she herself seems upset! - about is just like. gd. yeah. this isn’t news but this is such a clear and fucking. ice cold reminder that she has one child she will invest any amount of energy into and it is not me and it never will be. she has room in her heart to care about One Kid At A Time - which she has fucking all but TOLD ME to my face before - and it will never, ever be me.

“i know we’re ignoring you lately but your sister needs us and the squeaky wheel gets the grease” real thing my mom said to me when i was like, sixteen. fucking incredible. nothing ever changes does it.

like i know my sister was getting really close to the fucking bastard before he kicked it and is devastated about this but does anyone want to spare two fucking seconds to consider that my father fucking died too and just because im not SAD about it doesn’t mean im not dealing with some seriously upsetting and emotionally heavy shit. like perhaps the administration of my abuser’s estate - which he CUT ME OUT OF as directly as he could without writing a will to disown me in - isn’t something i should be forced to deal with and be retraumatized by because my sister, the precious baby of the family, is fucking sad. my mom said to my grandmother at some point about all this that “[gav] and [sister] didn’t get the same dad” and the fact that she is at least that aware of how this is impacting me and is still getting defensive of my sister when talking directly to me about how this is impacting ME is like. jesus jennifer.

they can just all go to hell and leave me the fuck alone.

Astrology and the Sexes: Gemini Man

Gemini Man:

Title: “The Goodfellow” 

For simplicity's sake, I will use the pronouns “he/him” for the male versions of the signs and “she/her” for the female versions of the signs. This is not to say that the people who identify with the male or female versions of each sign identify with those pronouns. This post is focusing on the different sexes (male vs female) not gender. Gender is fluid and I am in no way labeling people with these posts. Also, these posts are focusing solely on the Sun signs of each zodiac, other birth chart placements may cause someone to not fit into everything I have described.

Masterlist

Mind (how they think):

The Gemini man is very clever. He can anticipate people’s needs and moves. Whilst simultaneously steering situations in his best interest. 

He needs constant stimulation, and information, and has to always be at the center of all the excitement. 

Gemini’s are ruled by the plant of communication and because of this, you will find that Gemini men are constantly talking. It is very hard to get them to be quiet once you get them going. 

My dad is a Gemini and he never stops talking. He reads everything out loud even when it is something that doesn’t apply to anyone else in the room, be it emails, articles, books, etc. He does not like silence so whenever there is a moment of quiet he needs to fill it with the most random things. 

He always wants to be surrounded by friends (mainly men) who are steady and rarely try and shake up the group. Along with his friends he wants to be surrounded by women with whom he can mess around with at any given time (if interested in women). 

He’s most often the leader of his friend group which is why he usually associates himself with men who he can boss around. 

He is easily impressed, tends to be overly excited, and is often embarrassed about his sex life. One moment he will be bragging with his buddies about all of the things he did to his partner the night before and then the next second he will sheepishly avoid the subject altogether. 

This is because Gemini is ruled by the age range of 14-21 and Geminis tend to have very awkward teenager tendencies. Such as being embarrassed to talk about sex. 

He is usually pretty talkative and easily distracted. 

He can easily see all angles of any situation he finds himself in. 

They are great at persuasion which makes them very good salespeople. 

They are usually the life of the party, and most people love being around them.  

On a more biblical note, the Aries man personifies Adam and the Big Bang, and Taurus personifies Edenic earthly delight. Gemini corresponds with the exact moment where Eve bites into the apple and within that moment the notion of duality is born. 

Gemini men personify the knowledge of good and evil. Smiling one second and then sneering the next, he swings between emotional extremes so quickly that many people find him to be such a mixed message. 

He is one of the easiest signs to love, however, many find him very hard to trust. 

He views life through the lens of “every man for himself”. 

He sees himself as an underdog. This is because growing up he may have been overshadowed by circumstances or more than often his many siblings. Because of this, he feels it is his duty to make good in life. 

He moves through life doing things that will get him remembered. He believes he must make an impact in life that will leave people talking about him long after he's gone. He is the main actor on the stage he calls life. 

Leo’s are often described as wanting to be the star, and Gemini’s are this way as well. However, there is one main difference, they want to play all the parts not just the star. 

Geminis are restless humans who are constantly on the go and because of this, they may have an array of unfinished tasks in their trail. 

The best example of this is my dad, who is a Gemini, who when he cleaned the house when I was a kid would jump from one room to the next without fully finishing each one. We kids would have to finish cleaning for him because there would always be vacuums, cords, and trash bags left around. 

He may have grown up in a family life that appeared stable but was anything but.

 His parents may have remained married only for appearances rather than out of love. 

His parents were often too preoccupied with their own drama to pay attention to him. 

His dad was usually off in his own world while his mother was a dictator in their household. 

He usually finds comfort in his siblings or other boys his age. 

His mother may have used him to spy on his father which may have ended up with him having trouble trusting other men. This is why he tends to stick with the same group of guys that he knows he can trust. 

He wants to be a mama’s boy. Often doing things that will satisfy his mom and end up with him getting a pat on the back and a “good boy” response from his mom. 

He is usually not very close with his father, however, he does not have a rough relationship, just formalized indifference. 

He learns from a young age that life does not give handouts. But whenever anyone asks him how his childhood was he will answer with a blatant yes. 

He may not realize that he is overcompensating, by playing the bigshot, ring leader, and playboy as a means of healing the hurt he feels inside for being all but ignored by those whose attention he sought the most, his parents. 

Body + Soul (what they look like inside and out):

Gemini men tend to have a nervous temperament. They seem to always be excited and charming but, on the inside, they are like a wound-up spring. They tend to struggle with anxieties. 

They get bored easily but don’t tend to show it on the outside. 

They love to gossip because they think these things are extremely interesting. 

It is hard for him to view people’s deeper qualities, instead, judging them based on their reactions to himself. He wants to make sure he is always coming off well so, he views people only through the lens of making sure he is getting good reactions. 

They are always working a room, shaking hands, kissing cheeks, polishing connections, and usually running the show. He is known for planning get-togethers with friends and even at work, he is often the one calling the meetings. 

Gemini is ruled by the shoulders, arms, hands, and lungs. Because of this, he tends to have graceful arms and very nice hands. 

They are very dexterous and well coordinated which is why they excel in sports. 

As they age, they seem to not age. They always appear younger than they are. He may not get gray hair for a long time. 

The thing that catches people's attention to his presence is not his appearance, but his personality. Even if he is tall his presence is rarely noticed until he starts talking. 

He has a bouncy and snappiness to his walk. 

He has good style, always trying to keep up with the trends. 

He is highly self-conscious and because of this, he is always trying to keep up his appearance exactly the way he wants to be seen. 

His haircut is usually whatever is trendy at the moment, usually going for a short haircut. 

He is naturally flashy and because of this, he may be drawn to things that are literally flashy like rings. You may find him wearing rings quite often. 

He has a very active face, always giving very theatrical reactions to anything he hears. 

He usually has a round and flat face. With a well-proportioned nose and thin lips. 

He tends to be on the shorter side, and small-boned. 

He has a hard time sitting still, you will always find him dashing around the room, fixing the temperature and lighting, changing the music, offering snacks and refreshments, and jumping from one topic to another. 

He can never listen to one song for longer than a minute unless it's his favorite song. Listening to the radio or music with him is extremely annoying because he is constantly skipping the song or changing the station just when the song was getting good.

He is very funny and sarcastic. Most of the time he will be laughing before he even gets to the butt of the joke. 

He has mischievous eyes that always seem to seem like he is up to something. 

He may have big pointed ears and a small but sharp chin. 

He is usually pretty light on his feet. Like a pixy or a fairy, seeming to bounce around on his toes. 

He is probably the most energetic male of all the zodiac. 

Usually has powerful thighs and sturdy calves. 

His penis is average in size and shape. This is the same with his testicles. 

He is usually obsessed with cleanliness and has a hygienic routine that he never strays from. 

He may even shave or wax his body hair because he feels the most comfortable with barely any hair. 

Sex + Sexuality (what they are like in bed and what they look for in a mate):

Gemini Man Interested in Women:

When in a relationship he is very giving but still expects to have time alone every now and then. 

He likes an intelligent partner with who he can bounce ideas. 

He also wants his partner to be honest and to speak their mind. 

He likes a woman who can make him laugh. 

He is extremely sensitive and wants a partner that he can trust.

His hands and arms are very sensitive and receptive to erotic stimuli. 

Light kisses, touches, and fingertip brushes in this area will send shivers of delight down his spine. 

He responds very well to the light stroking of his hands, especially the palms or fingertips. 

Their interests both in and out of the bedroom shift very frequently. 

They want someone very open to things changing and even encourages it. 

He is the master of mood, making sure he has the perfect lighting, music, etc. t provide the right amount of ambiance for romance to blossom. 

He will light candles, provide drinks for his partner, and maybe even give her a few gifts to seal the deal (him either getting sex or romance).

He wants to make sure that everything about him says that he is the slickest bachelor, the perfect date, and the ultimate mate. 

He wants to be thought of as fun. So he will appear to have an edge about him, an aura of danger around him. 

When he is younger and dating around he does not typically have a type. He will usually have a different type of woman on his arm at any given time. 

He appears to be happy and shiny, not at all a wolf or snake in the grass to be wary about. 

When he is dating around he usually goes for an airhead. Someone who he can mess with and who he deems easy. 

However, when he is settling down he goes for an intelligent woman. This is because he values women's brains and even believes women are smarter than men. 

He will settle down with a woman who is very similar to him. A chatty and funny woman who uses her brain much more than her heart. 

When he is in a committed relationship he still wants to have his separateness. He will be prone to encouraging his partner to go off and do their own thing while they do their own too. 

He typically looks for a girl with a similar upbringing as him or someone who grew up in the same area as him. 

He wants to protect his partner from everything in the world. This is not to say he is chauvinistic because he respects women as being better than men however he believes they need to be protected. 

His partner needs to respect him and his personality. 

He wants his wife to be a goody two shoes who appreciates him trying to make the world a better place for her. 

He also wants his wife to be dressed nicely and may even try and pick out her outfits for her. He may even buy them matching outfits.

He prides himself on being the hip couple. 

Despite encouraging his partner to have a job, he expects to have children, especially at a young age. His image is everything, so having good-looking kids and a good-looking couple makes him happy. 

He and his partner will be sociable, attending parties, and frequenting cafes, clubs, and restaurants known for being the place to be. 

They also will hang out the most with other couples. 

However, the Gemini man does have a wandering eye and may often flirt with just about anyone who catches his eye right in front of his partner. This is because Gemini rules the teenage years and he is always taking on a teenage approach to love. 

He rationalizes everything he does especially his wandering eye. He believes that his cheating is saving his wife from experiencing his lewd fantasies. He really has a hard time keeping it in his pants in a long-term relationship. 

His oral skills are great in and out of the bedroom. He may be known as the only man in the zodiac who can get a woman off in mere minutes with just his tongue. 

The Gemini man is pretty insecure especially in the bedroom so, he will often times give himself a pep talk before. 

He also is very good with his hands (Gemini rules the hands after all). He will squeeze, bite, pinch, lick, and blow all while penetrating, providing her will a whole body climax. 

To him, sex must always be fun. 

He wants to experiment in the bedroom and does not want to fall into a routine. 

He is turned on by the idea of tag-teaming his partner with another guy. As long as he is the one making the decisions. 

Gemini Man Interested in Men:

The Gemini man interested in men is more relationship orientated and is more willing to settle down with one partner. 

He is looking for his soulmate who is made for him. Seeming to have been hatched from the same egg. 

He wants a partner who is ready for a long-term commitment. 

Just like the straight Gemini, he wants an intelligent partner who may even be smarter than him. 

He wants someone his age who is a hard worker, so, the Gemini man does not have to work as hard. 

He also goes for guys who have a similar background to him. 

He is willing to overlook his partner's infidelity because to him if his partner has an emotional relationship with him and wants to be with him for the long run a fling does not matter. Though, he himself would not cheat. 

He wants to share a social life with his partner and share friends with them as well. He wants them to be in the same circle of people and to be it a couple of the group. 

He is attracted to men who are youthful and frequently flirt and make passes at him. 

He also is turned on by inviting another guy into the bedroom with him and his partner. 

He enjoys indulging in his more bottom fantasies with his partner. 

He wants a deep emotional bond with his partner and because of this, he may tend to get into a relationship with a man who he feels that bond with but doesn’t satisfy his more adventurous streak in the bedroom. 

His general fantasy is to become submissive to a sexual badass. Someone who wears leather, boots, etc. 

The Gemini man is a constant source of inspiration for anyone who is lucky enough to be his lover. 

Silly question, but do you think the main characters' sort-of reconciliation with their parents will lessen the value of the group's "found family" aspect in the future, or the firefam's dysfunctional family relationships were for early emphasis that the bond they have with each other is stronger than blood ties?

IMO, there's been no evidence to suggest (or outright confirm) that "reconciling" with bio parents will have any long-lasting effects as the weeks and months [and even years] progress. Maddie and Buck: It was a 'blink and you might miss it' moment, but Boston hinted at things not being so bad between Maddie and her parents despite no mention of/appearance by them after 4x05: Phillip emailed her to check in because Chim would call the Buckleys asking if they'd heard from their daughter; Chim wouldn't have done that if the lines of communication were no longer open. Did Maddie reach out to her mother during her struggles with PPD? No. She leaned on Chimney (and her little brother for a bit) and worked on rebuilding the life she wants for herself to get to where she is now. Buck, meanwhile, hasn't been in therapy on-screen post 4x05 and also hasn't discussed his mother or father with anybody despite Kristen's decision to have the parents try harder/be nicer (even if their effort rubs people the wrong way because parents don't usually say *exactly* what kids want to hear). Were the parents meant to "replace" his dependency on Bobby as a father figure, we would have seen them become more of a consistent presence through phone calls (even if we only know who's on the phone because of what Buck says) or relaying of info. The parents have been putting in the work for two years - but that doesn't mean Maddie and Buck are wrong for still expecting something to set them off - and the standard dynamics have remained intact. It will be much of the same as this season continues, because even if Margaret and Phillip never leave Buck's bedside (we won't see that, though), they're still gonna go home once they know he's making a full recovery. With the way Kristen creates scenarios in her head and deems them irrelevant to the narrative, I'd be surprised if either parent is mentioned again before they're supposed to make another appearance. Chimney: Sang seems to have been brought back for Chim to get a story line to himself (prayers answered!), and *my* first thought when watching the episode live was that Sang is either feeling really, really guilty (Albert talking to them about seeing Jee-Yun and realizing what he's missing out on) OR Sang has gotten some unfortunate news regarding his health and he's wanting to "make amends" before he (potentially) passes away - He's going about it terribly, though! If Sang is meant to have limited time left, any "reconciliation" won't mean much in the long run when Chim can't reach out to his father for advice or help. If Sang's return is solely about the guilt, I expect him to get the same treatment as the Buckleys - Chim won't feel compelled to talk about his father unless it's because we're going to be seeing the Han family again. (And keep in mind that the show already does this with Albert, a character that actually served a purpose at one time...) You know what? I understand wanting to see kids cut their parents off - I'm sure it's what many people watching the show have done themselves or wish they had the strength to do - but if we remove the 'parent' and 'child' aspects of the story for a moment (bear with me)...the show has embraced the philosophy that forgiving someone doesn't mean you forget what they've done or have fully healed from their actions, it just means that you're no longer allowing that person to take up unnecessary space in your head and heart because they don't deserve to have such power over you. [And in the case of the Buckleys, forgiveness means that Margaret and Phillip no longer have an advantage. If your kids learn to NOT put up their defenses whenever you're around, you can't get under their easily as easily as before.] (This became an unintentional TL;DR. I'm so sorry.)

Romantic Comedy and the Curse of Booktok

I just finished Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfield and my Lord in Heaven do I have feels about it.

And not butterflies at how cute it was.

This was not It for me in so many ways and, in fact, it’s flaws were so great and so significant to me that I do feel compelled to write it all out in a *insert drum roll* numbered list.

Summary: Heroine Sally works at a fictionalized version of SNL and is frustrated by the fact that all these uggo sloppy men hook up with hot beautiful women. She, an uggo sloppy woman, then ends up hooking up with a hot beautiful rock star Noah Brewster during the COVID-19 pandemic.

1. The Pacing and Information Dumping

The pacing of this book was…bizarre to say the least. The book was divided into three sections. The first describes the week that Sally and Noah meet. The second is an 80 page exchange of emails between the two as they reconnect online during COVID. The third describes their meeting and romance. All of these were slow in their own way.

The first section was laden with details about the production of a weekly episode of SNL. I found this pretty interesting actually because I am a fan of the show and show biz insider baseball always fascinates me. But as the book went on, this section felt increasingly waterlogged. We never meet many of the characters again and we never return to the SNL set. It does feel like it exists solely to prove that Sittenfield read Tina Fey’s Bossypants. This section, of course, is also…like. Not that funny. It’s just not. Physical comedy is incredibly hard to transcribe to the page effectively and so the descriptions of many of the sketches fell flat for me and also the banter was not anything more sparkling than you would find in any other romance book.

The second section was also incredibly mundane. I have developed deep and emotionally intimate connections online and I think this is not an unusual experience to have nowadays. And I am sure if someone read back the transcripts of email and text conversations with those people…they would also not be that interested (though they’d be more interesting Im sure than this). You would need our context to make those conversations sing and to understand why some mundane things meant everything. This correspondence felt dull but it was partially because, without watching how Sally felt when she got a notification, without hearing how Noah wrote and rewrote and rephrased his messages, it was hard to gauge how impactful the exchanges were.

The third section was fine. And again, I know what it’s like to fall in love with someone quickly but their whole relationship felt really rushed. Even here, conversations were weighted down by unnecessary exchanges about what to have for dinner, etc that didn’t move the scene’s actions or emotional arcs forward.

2. Where’s the Conflict?

So. I get that we all want to communicate openly and honestly with our friends and partners. On the page, it’s deeply boring though. This is why Noah Brewster sucks as a hero—he is literally perfect. He’s rich, handsome, emotionally aware, kind, considerate. He apologizes right away and sets appropriate boundaries.

All the potential juice in a conflict is side-stepped from the real ramifications of fame to beauty standards to COVID to wealth disparity. Even Chekov's wig is revealed to be Noah getting some hair transplants that are explained away in a single cuddle session. All is resolved through a series of petty fights and pat reassurances.

*yawns*

The problems in their relationship originate with Sally. She is drunkenly snarky to him at a party and that leads them to not speak for two years, she gets irrationally upset at Noah for dropping her hand in front of the paparazzi, she moves into a hotel the moment they discuss their future and come into conflict. These aren't bad plot points but fighting Noah is like fighting a piece of wet cardboard because he is always reasonable and always level-headed and almost always right.

I thought about this book when rewatching Joe Wright’s adaptation of Pride and Prejudice this weekend. What I love so much about that book and both movies, what makes that one of the greatest romantic comedies of all time, is the fact that both Elizabeth and Darcy grow and change and their relationship is the catalyst of it. This is shown in different ways in each adaption. The 2005 version does a masterful job of showing different perspectives to create a classic misunderstanding and crossing of social wires while the 1995 focuses on Elizabeth and Darcy as truly and deeply flawed. Both work for me in different ways. What I love Colin Firth’s portrayal especially is that he genuinely is an asshole…he’s a good person but not a particularly nice or sensitive one. His attitude is the result of snobbery and classism, not a lack of street smarts (like McFayden’s Darcy who is mostly shy and awkward rather than suave as Colin Firth is when he handles the Wickham situation).

Romantic Comedy hints at wanting to be a social commentary but it ultimately fails because it doesn’t allow its characters to be impacted and warped by the society that they live in the way that Austen and Firth allow Darcy to be unlikable because of his social standing.

3. Beauty and Desirability

Soooooo....like. Sally isn't really unattractive. Sally's narration is focused on other people's appearances...Noah is hot, Henrietta and Viv are attractive, Annabelle is beautiful. She is not. The whole premise of the book is that Sally is not a model. But Sally doesn't actually defy any conventional beauty standards except to be...not the perfect specimen of 21st century beauty. She isn't described as being fat. She isn't described as being visibly disabled. She isn't described as hairy (except when she is shaving everything off). She isn't described as being particularly masc. She is white and so there's no examination of colorism or Western beauty standards. She's just...a normal looking white woman. And like, trust me, as a normal looking white woman who is pretty traditionally femme, of course I have insecurities too, and a lot of Sally's commentary was very relatable to my experiences in dating, in sexuality, in my relationship to other women I perceive to be more attractive than me. But that doesn't make the book particularly interesting or transgressive, especially because the beautiful women in the book don't have much of a personality or depth (looking at you, Ariana Grande caricature.)

I read Olivia Dade's Shipwrecked series last year. And these are pretty silly romances tbh, but what I love about them is that the women in them are fat, yes, but their fatness is part of their attractiveness. Dade manages to do this in a way that doesn't feel fetishizing or patronizing. The women are described as being beautiful because they simply are and the men who desire them simply desire them, not just because they have a great personality which *makes* them beautiful, but because what people find beautiful and attractive is diverse. Those books also deal directly with the challenges of being in a "mixed weight" relationship and it drives some of the conflict, particularly in the first book...eating habits, exercise, media representation, etc. In contrast, it doesn't seem like Sally either grows into her desirability or that Noah ever really expresses clearly that she is beautiful to him. He talks about how great their connection is and how much he wants to fuck her...but if my memory serves there's not a lot of *specific* talk about what she looks like, what *specifically* about her physical appearance she finds so repulsive and he finds so hot, if he likes what she wears. This isn't a beauty and the beast retelling where someone looks beyond someone's appearance to see the inner person. This isn't Cyrano de Bergerac where there is something that Sally feels is fundamentally unlovable about her...except sort of a general global malaise about her desirabilty. Sittenfield can't decide what to do with the premise of her own book except to do a pale version of "not like other girls" where Sally becomes the funniest, smartest person Noah has ever met even if, in his own words, he never would have gone after her if he had just seen her picture.

4. Show and Tell and the Self-Consciousness of Politically Correct Writing

All of my issues listed above could pretty much explained by the fact that Sittenfield chooses to tell, not show, nearly all of the story. We are told by Noah that Sally is desirable and he is in love with her....but we don't see much of their interactions beyond just...fucking. We aren't allowed the space to interpret actions and feelings, especially after the first section of the book ends. Even the emails are a cop-out. As a result, the book becomes very literal.

One of the best things my writing partner has ever said is that "Sex should be about everything but sex, and everything that's not sex should be about sex." But in this book? Everything is exactly as it appears and so the underpinning of their interactions lacks chemistry. As Noah says, he's not looking to seduce her. Which is very nice of him. But very unsexy. When they finally do have sex, I struggled to care. It didn't feel like a crescendo of boiling tensions, it didn't feel like anything except the next logical step when you date someone. It is a romance but without eroticism and sensuality. God, it's even set during a pandemic where touching and masking is essential. My God.

This can be expanded into my biggest criticism of the book which was the handling of the political references and diverse cast. The characters clunkily engage with the political ramifications of COVID and the Black Lives Matter movement. The characters tell us that they go to protests (we don't see it), Noah tells us that he thinks about intersectional feminism (is that likely in a teen heartthrob...see Mr Darcy commentary above), they talk about racism (though there are two Black characters in the book who do...nothing). We are told that they are good people with the correct political opinions so we like them. They reach the quota of having one (1) queer friend and one (1) PoC friend. We don't see them do the hard work of being good, we see them do the gymnastics of being palatable to the other one. It doesn't change the fact that this story presents an extremely traditional view of relationships: the heroine marries a wealthy white man and her two friends are mothers in monogamous relationships by the end. It makes every mention of every political event and opinion feel deeply disingenuous and the book as a whole feel so self-consciously written that it was hard to fully immerse yourself in it. I felt the author everywhere, pressing in from all sides, unable to allow her characters flesh and blood and conflicts deeper than a single conversation.

Argh.

When I was on the fence right before I took this job a seasoned older writer with a great voice said to me "you don't need a mentor, you need an editor."

The reason I was on the fence is because when I had just a couple technical questions before accepting the job offer the guy I had interviewed with and built a little rapport with responded by saying he had put in his two weeks notice, and that I should get in touch with the person taking over the role. His last day was also my first day.

That should've been ample warning.

Because not only did I not get a mentor (which as an early career journalist I'm now realizing I do in fact need!), I didn't get an editor either. After that meeting I've been in the same room as him five, maybe six times, almost always involving him either telling me a story about looking up his third grade teacher's skirt or telling me a young girl "deserved" a concussion for being at a Boy Scout camp.

And as much as I started dreading those conversations and found the handful of perfunctory zoom calls useless, I've been reduced to single line emails as a sole mode of communication. I know for a fact he will not read the second line of emails in most cases, because when he asks me for the information contained there-in and I copy and past the exact same line in reply it is the first time he has ever seen it.

If I insist on getting acknowledgement or approval of a story (he's furious when I pursue a topic without letting him know or if it changes focus away from his own bias, so I am reluctant to even lay groundwork for stories that might get canned) he'll get annoyed that I've sent so many emails.

Given how poorly we are communicating I looked into his twitter to find out a bit more about the guy, and apart from his obsession with prop comics who didn't even think their own work was that funny it's mainly his work moonlighting elsewhere that skirts conflict of interest and features shittily written op-eds espousing worse opinions, spreading anti-vax conspiracy theories, claiming that Patriot Front is a "Soros funded false flag," all leavened with a weird mixture of Anglophillia and thirsty replies to well muscled conservative men and male fetish models, on what was until recently a bluechecked account explicitly linking him to our publication

I could probably tolerate a handful of these things, particularly him telling dudes to take their shirts off, but it's crossed the line into repeated and dangerous disinformation spreading that I think reflects negatively on the publication.

He's done almost nothing to show me the ropes or teach me about the beat, in fact actively discourages me from developing a beat by rejecting any topic that's too "similar" to one recently covered at the start of the week and then assigning me coverage of something exactly the same by the end of it. When I do get introduced to anybody through him it's a persistent PR flack he's just tired of dealing with.

And you know what it's all made me paranoid. I totally AM reading too much into every email and overthinking them. But while my insane reads have turned out right on occasion the bigger issue is I'm worried I'm slowly losing my ability to interpret other people's messages.

I could kvetch about the rest of the company too, but I don't see the point. The department that makes money is the event planning portion of the business that massages local egos with awards ceremonies. I'm not sure why but people keep buying ads that go into a PDF only print newspaper as well too. A lot of that is just small biz/media bullshit, but it doesn't help that there's this nexus of dysfunction and fascism that's the majority of my dealings with my coworkers.

A little while back Google sent me an ultimatum. Pay 24 bucks a month for my and my parents Google accounts, or lose access to all my email, purchases, books, photos, decades of history. Flickr did the same thing. Cloudflare, another company I loved, got into the business of platforming the alt right. Microsoft bought GitHub and stole everyone's code for their AI training.

All these things that I liked, even loved, existed solely to be bought out, upsold or flipped for a profit and gutted. Maybe not immediately. But there's really one goal in capitalism, and that's extracting as much value from the thing as you can.

I quite love my MacBook. It's easily the best computer I've ever owned. But on the flip side I have friends I just can't contact because they use iPhones. My mum wants to know why she can't FaceTime me, and I have friend groups with group chats I'm not invited to because I use Android. This was a deliberate, documented decision by Apple to lock everyone into their ecosystem and extract as much value as they can with the least effort possible.

I fucking hate it.

But if anything has made me any more anticapitalist it's Elon.

Fucking Elon.

Twitter was a product that I loved. 15 years ago I joined, on a whim, because it was doing the same thing I was trying to make my blog do. Little updates in the sidebar. I never imagined it would have such a big impact on my life.

I think I was 21. Damn. I basically grew up on Twitter. Living through my 20s with (initially SMS access, but eventually) a permanent uplink to the hive mind which shaped who I am today. Initially I was just broadcasting my thoughts, which reflected my narrow worldview at the time. But it slowly became more of a community thing and opened my eyes to the larger world around me.

#btub was a monthly meetup of Brisbane folks, The Brisbane Twitter User Brigade. A hodgepodge group of internet weirdos who would rock up to Greystone Bar and just hang out together. Network. Get drunk. We had those cheesy "hello my name is" stickers which we'd write our Twitter handles on (@goAshley!). It was hilariously dorky, but I loved it in an ironic sort of way.

At its peak we filled the entire deck area and went late into the night.

Through the years I met some of my best and closest friends on Twitter, through btub and otherwise. Eventually it became maybe not mainstream, but a lot less about community. But it was still my uplink to all my internet friends. Any moment of the night or day I could pull out my phone and not be alone. Or sometimes be more alone than I ever was, depending.

I always said I would leave Twitter when they introduced ads in the feed. They introduced ads years ago, but I still loved that place. They introduced the algorithmic timeline that amplified hate and surfaced other people's anxieties to make them yours. But I stuck around because you could turn that off. Jack Dorsey introduced crypto to the platform and I still stuck around, reluctantly, because that's where all my internet friends were.

Then Elon Musk.

I was willing to see it through because I used to like the place. But I don't think anyone was prepared for the speed it devolved. Elon seems to be an outlier in this tale of capitalist bulldozing, because there's no motive here other than that he appears to be a complete fucking idiot. But nevertheless It's clear he has no respect for this thing that we have collectively loved, and he's certainly not going to make it a safe or pleasant place to be from now on.

It's heartbreaking. The end of an era. All because the rich man wanted to own the internet.

The hive mind, my avian companion, custodian and curator of my thoughts existed solely to be bought out, flipped for a profit and gutted. Fucking capitalism.

Anyway this whole post came about because I love Automattic. They do really good stuff and Tumblr is lovely…

Jameson Lopp’s first impression of Bitcoin

Jameson Lopp has been on the front lines of the battle between technologists and those who want to preserve Bitcoin as it is since the scaling debates of 2015–2017. The topic arouses such passion that many suspect it was a disgruntled Bitcoiner opponent who called down an armed SWAT team to his home, leading him to famously go underground. Lopp blamed the 2017 incident on the “same old same old: Bitcoin philosophy and scaling debate arguments. A few of the more extreme cases think I’m some kind of manipulative monster.” Dear anonymous coward who just sent dozens of cops w/ rifles to my house w/a false hostage situation report: I am not so easily intimidated. — Jameson Lopp (@lopp) October 16, 2017 Lopp, who is currently the chief technology officer for decentralized wallet service Casa, is an advocate for cautious progress who commands respect among the Bitcoin community. Speaking from an undisclosed location, Lopp says he worries the backlash against Ordinals NFTs might result in lower support for much-needed future upgrades. Ordinals were largely an unexpected result of the 2021 Taproot soft fork. “The problem that I see is that there’s a lot of ossification proponents out there. And they’re pointing at Ordinals and inscriptions and saying, ‘You see, this is what happens when you change the protocol. It gets abused and used in ways that were not intended,’” he says. But Lopp says the alternative is every bit as risky. He has carefully considered the problem of  Bitcoin’s “ossification” — where the network becomes so big “it kind of gets crushed under its own weight and unable to change itself.” Jameson Lopp enjoys a beer bought with Bitcoin. (Twitter) Lopp uses email as an example of an internet protocol that ossified in the 1990s, leaving it with little ability to deal with the massive volumes of spam that subsequently arose. Instead, corporations constructed expensive centralized reputation services on top to sort out spam from legit emails, and today, large numbers of emails that don’t comply with the arcane rules of the systems simply disappear into a black hole. And users are still deluged with spam. “As of today, something like 90% of all email users are captured by five corporations. So, I think we have to ask ourselves: Is that the mainstream adoption of Bitcoin that we want to see? And if not, then what do we need to do to prevent that?” For Lopp, scaling Bitcoin — something he’s been agitating for, for years — remains the big challenge as the Lightning Network is “not going to fix everything.” “If you talk to any of the developers, who’re pretty deep into the protocol, you’ll be hard-pressed to find any of them who think that we should ossify the protocol now. There’s so much work to be done.” “Honestly, I don’t know how much time we have left to do that.” Historically, Lopp’s company Casa has been solely focused on Bitcoin, but last month, it outraged puritans on social media by adding Ethereum to its multisignature self-custody solutions. It highlights the fact Bitcoin has a fast-growing challenger snapping at its heels if it lets up the pace. You can take the Bitcoiner out of the south, but… (Twitter) Who is Jameson Lopp? Lopp grew up in a “fairly typical Southern American conservative household” in North Carolina, where his father’s side of the family has lived since the 1700s. It was clear from early on that he was super bright, and his parents pushed him hard to achieve great things at school. “I read probably several grades above my reading level, and I read all the time. I had a special exemption at the library to check out more books than you are normally allowed to just because I was going through such a high volume of them.” Placed into high-level courses, he often wound up sitting on his own doing separate assignments from the rest of the class, something of a “social outcast.” “On the social side, I would just get even more awkwardness and sort of abuse because I would sometimes use vocabulary that nobody else was using, and they were like, you know, ‘Who is this alien guy?’” Lopp ended up joining Mensa in 2010, mainly to see if he could pass the test requiring an IQ in the top 2%. Naturally, he set up a Mensa Bitcoin special interest group, though he says super-smart people don’t necessarily get Bitcoin any faster than anyone else and points to the dismissive reaction to Satoshi’s original announcement about Bitcoin. “The people who were responding to that email were not stupid. They were incredibly intelligent people. But if you’re intelligent enough, you can always find reasons why something won’t work.” Coming of age After school, Lopp headed to study computer science at the “very liberal” University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Brought up to be a very conservative Republican, he says university “swung my perspective a little bit more outside of the sort of family and household standards that I had been used to.” He ended up voting for Obama in 2008, Libertarian in the following election, and now believes he can have more impact building decentralized financial infrastructure than voting. “These days, I view politics at a very arm’s length amused perspective.” He worked in email marketing for years in one of the tech areas near Raleigh, moving up from working on the web app to large-scale data analysis. Like most people in tech, he read about Bitcoin a few times and dismissed it as “nerd money that was going to end badly” before finally reading the white paper in 2012. “I was just blown away,” he says, noting that Satoshi approached the double-spending and Byzantine generals problem from the exact opposite direction of the “performance and efficiency” mindset Lopp had been taught. “When I read the white paper and I saw the solution to the problem, I was amazed because it was both elegant and ass-backward,” he says. “The solution was to make everything really, really expensive in terms of resource usage. I was like, wow, I never in a million years would have thought to try that because it just goes against our nature as computer scientists.” Supplied image of Jameson Lopp. Bitcoiners back then were primarily libertarians, cypherpunks and crypto-anarchists, and the chance to find an alternate way forward was part of the appeal. “We can build alternative power structures, alternative systems that don’t rely upon any of the existing infrastructure. And basically, we can create our own rules for how these systems should operate.” Lopp forks Bitcoin Core Within two years, Lopp had created a fork of Bitcoin Core called Statoshi to “bring more transparency and understanding to the internal operations of a Bitcoin node.” He applied for a grant from the Bitcoin Foundation to work full time on the project but never heard back. Five years later, he discovered he’d been successful, but the foundation fell apart before he received any money. Lopp also applied to work at Coinbase in 2015 and “never even got an interview,” but his work on Statoshi did land him a gig running the nodes for institutional custody and infrastructure provider BitGo. He also began to nurture his public profile, ramping up his research and writing — he’s written for CoinDesk, Cointelegraph and Forbes — tweeting more often, organizing Meetups and presenting at events. He’s now a regular at conferences around the world, but it wasn’t easy to start. “I’m definitely an introvert, though you wouldn’t know it because I do all of these public speaking events. But that took a lot of practice to do.” Lopp was happy to lob the occasion grenade during the scaling debates. (Twitter) Lopp says the block size wars (2015–2017) was the period when he started to become really well-known in Bitcoiner circles. Initially, he was on the big blocks side, writing an article in 2015 calling for an increase in the 1MB size of blocks to increase capacity and suggesting blocks may one day hit 10GB. He also supported the Bitcoin XT fork of Bitcoin Core, which ended up part of Bitcoin Cash. “That was really a result of what I had been doing as an engineer for the past decade,” he says, adding that he’d spend much of each year prepping for the Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales because “if you couldn’t handle that, then it would be a bad user experience, you would lose customers, you would lose money, and the business would not grow as quickly.” He didn’t want Bitcoin to lose potential users through a bad experience with the slow, expensive blockchain. However, his perspective started to change when he realized the impact bigger blocks would have on his own work at BitGo, writing services that talked to the nodes. “I started to see the opposite side of the argument,” he explains. “Even with these ‘tiny’ 1MB blocks, it was quite challenging for me to write services that could ingest all of this blockchain data at a very fast pace.” It took weeks sometimes to get a new indexing service up and running from scratch, and doubling or tripling the block size would require exponentially more resources “to the point where only the largest enterprises who had a lot of money to throw at this problem would even be able to run the nodes and the services on top of them.” Read also Features ZK-rollups are ‘the endgame’ for scaling blockchains: Polygon Miden founder Features Toss in your job and make $300K working for a DAO? Here’s how So, while Lopp ended up strongly supporting SegWit as a practical solution and thinks Bitcoin is superior to any other cryptocurrency as “sound money,” he also sees room for experimentation on other protocols, and on Bitcoin. “A lot of people get very ideological and, in some cases, puritanical about this stuff,” he says. “Bitcoin is not a kitchen sink type of protocol there. There’s a lot of things that you can’t do on Bitcoin that you can do with other protocols.” Su Casa, mi Casa Lopp joined the decentralized Bitcoin self-custody service Casa in 2018 and was soon promoted to chief technology officer. He also has the title of co-founder. Casa is an alternative to centralized custodians and offers a range of multisignature wallet plans that enable users to avoid losing their funds in security incidents and to recover lost or stolen keys. Casa began support for Ethereum last month and claims it’s the first company to enable self-custody of both Bitcoin and Ether with up to five keys for distributed security. ERC-20 and NFT support is in the works. “Obviously, there were a few clients who fell into the sort of extreme Bitcoin-only camp who went their own way,” says Lopp, adding that this was expected. “Really, it’s this loud, tiny minority that can seem a lot bigger than they are if you’re on social media. But in reality, I would say most of our clients and most Bitcoiners, in general, are pretty moderate and kind of apathetic about all of the drama.” He says the decision resulted from user demand because many existing clients “do have more diverse portfolios, and they want to have that same level of security for assets other than Bitcoin.” The loud, tiny minority goes SWATing The famous SWATing incident happened after his views began to evolve. A 911 caller claimed to be holed up at Lopp’s house with hostages, having already shot someone. “By my voice, you can tell I’m not in a mental health state right now. I’m on drugs. I’m all over the place. I don’t know what to do. If I don’t get $60,000, I’m going to blow the whole fucking block up.” Heavily armed cops arrived at his home, guns drawn. Lopp wasn’t home at the time and arrived to find his neighborhood shut down and crawling with dozens of patrol units, a SWAT team, a mobile command post, a fire truck and a paramedic. He had a conversation with a cop to find out what happened, not realizing he was the suspect. Lopp recounts a chat with a cop on his blog. (Cypherpunk Cogitations) Following the incident, Lopp tweeted a video of himself firing off an AR-15 rifle as a warning to anyone trying to find him. The incident also inspired Lopp’s radical privacy experiment to live off the grid and off the radar of the authorities. Apart from standard stuff like using VPNs, private mailboxes and using fake names, it also involved setting up a bunch of limited liability companies to apply for bank accounts and credit cards one step removed. He mainly spent cash, used burner phone numbers and even bought “the crappiest, cheapest hole in the wall I could find that has a physical mailbox” as a physical address to get a driver’s license. “I determined that the amount of effort and especially money that is required to do it is going to price almost everybody out of doing this,” he says, adding the fact that you have to lie to everyone was also likely to deter people from trying it. “Everyone in my physical proximity, my neighbours, they only know my pseudonym. And you know, I have my backstory, and I literally had to create this whole alternate persona, but not so different, it would be difficult for me to make it believable. So, like, I’m still a software engineer who knows a lot about security.” Lopp maintains a GitHub list of “known physical Bitcoin attacks,” which spans from Hal Finney getting SWATed in December 2014 to a couple in Queens, New York who in mid July were mugged by assailants disguised as FBI agents that stole their car, $40,000 in cash and their crypto. The No. 1 lesson to take from the list is that the fewer people who know they can rob you of your crypto by threatening you with a $5 wrench, the better. So it’s interesting to learn that prior to his SWATing, Lopp used to drive around in a flashy Lotus Elise with a BITCOIN license plate, basically inviting attacks. Although many people thought it was a Lamborghini, Lopp says that “it was actually a salvage title car that I got for $20,000.” He eventually sold it, but he has the BITCOIN license plate hanging on the wall behind him during our interview as a memento. These days, Lopp drives “extremely common vehicles that are mass-produced by the millions.” The Bitcoin number plate has been retired. (Twitter) Future progress for Bitcoin Pushing for progress on Bitcoin while not destroying all of the things Bitcoiners hold dear has always been a thorny problem. Roger “Bitcoin Jesus” Ver couldn’t solve it and went off with the Bitcoin Cash camp, who then split off with Craig “No, I really am Satoshi” Wright heading up Bitcoin SV. There are also Bitcoiners trying to change it from within, like Eric Wall and Udi Wertheimer, who have embraced Ordinals. Wall is also investigating scaling Bitcoin using the same zero-knowledge proof technology being used to scale Ethereum via Starknet. Lopp says he’s focused on a variety of improvements that can be made to “let people start building more outside of the base protocol.” “You don’t need to go through the same onerous process to develop on a second layer, you don’t have to make these sweeping consensus changes that are really risky,” he explains. “That’s one of the reasons why I want to see a lot more second layers other than just Lightning. I want to see more sidechains, drive chains, rollups, so on and so forth. Because I think that that is going to enable more innovation, more experimentation.” Subscribe The most engaging reads in blockchain. Delivered once a week. Andrew Fenton Based in Melbourne, Andrew Fenton is a journalist and editor covering cryptocurrency and blockchain. He has worked as a national entertainment writer for News Corp Australia, on SA Weekend as a film journalist, and at The Melbourne Weekly. Follow the author @andrewfenton Source link Read the full article

Lifestyle the Luxury Life

At present, just about any job may be possible from home: from artwork design, financial study to trading. Not long ago a friend of my verizon prepaid phone suggested we perform neurolinguistic programming (NLP) session on Skype. I was floored that her purchasers were buying the products and services she would provide via the internet rather than in-person, which might cost more.

Globalisation has undoubtedly adjusted our lives: this languages we connect, the food we consume, the way we attire and even the way you work. I can have Casablanca, deliver modules in a local or even and deal with this London clients. I'm also able to work with my organization a bit everywhere in the society and coordinate functions or content for ones Leader World. Much of our managing editor is reliant in Virginia, NORTH AMERICA, but this doesn't necessarily stop us out of communicating and consistently thinking, creating together with sharing…

Communications possess definitely been one of the many drivers of this cutting edge way of working and additionally living. Phone in addition to Internet make much of our lives much easier. Along with VoIP broke completely new groups of working with openness and mobility concurrently. Recently, I provided a lecture to be able to American students inside Kansas, in between get together in London along with through my computer at the British Catalogue. They didn't find out where I ended up being until the moderator questioned.

Timothy Ferriss is right to write to the cover of her book 'Escape your 9-5. Live at any place. And join the revolutionary rich. ' My partner and i was never a good fan of in offices. I usually felt suffocated.

I recall myself complaining together with my mom indicating me that 'it was life and this I would get used to this eventually. ' We knew that was possibly not for me. I had to bring about my own job and additionally choose where I needed to work. In other words, become free to work exactly where I wanted to. Nowadays, with a laptop as well as a phone line, I will work from almost anyplace. I still didn't managed to work solely 4 hours in one week like Ferriss advocated, but I am not really complaining.

At times 'I am at home' can make people believe I mean 'I here's free', but it is really certainly not the case. At times I also think about what the concierge of the building is required to be thinking, seeing your car in the car lot not push for days in addition to wondering how I will stay in for that long without stepping out and about. He must think that I have inherited some bucks or won a lottery.

The reality is various because working from home would not exactly mean watching youtube and being bought doing that. I actually still have to juggle many things at the same time: seminar calls, emails, records, reading, writing and many thinking… Sometimes I may have to do all that along with worry about doing a lot of housework too. Even so the advantages of working from home tend to be countless. I can take pleasure in being with a loved ones while being employed and also eat selfmade healthy food, which isn't actually always the case the moment eating out.

The End Of The CrunchPad

Michael Arrington

@ 10:52 AM EST•November 30, 2009

It was so close I could taste it. Two weeks ago we were ready to publicly launch the CrunchPad. The device was stable enough for a demo. It went hours without crashing. We could even let people play with the device themselves – the user interface was intuitive enough that people “got it” without any instructions. And the look of pure joy on the handful of outsiders who had used it made the nearly 1.5 year effort completely worth it.

Our plan was to debut the CrunchPad on stage at the Real-Time Crunchup event on November 20, a little over a week ago. We even hoped to have devices hacked together with Google Chrome OS and Windows 7 to show people that you could hack this thing to run just about anything you want. We’d put 1,000 of the devices on pre-sale and take orders immediately. Larger scale production would begin early in 2010.

And then the entire project self destructed over nothing more than greed, jealousy and miscommunication.

On November 17, our deadline date for greenlighting the debut three days later, the CEO of our partner on the project, Chandra Rathakrishnan, sent me an email with the subject “no good news.” Yuck, I thought. Another delay, probably with the screen that had been giving us so much trouble – capacitive touch at 12 inches isn’t trivial. And sure enough, the email started off with “no good news to update. updated hardware is still on its way , so that’s a timing issue. friday will be a challenge now.”

But the email went on. Bizarrely, we were being notified that we were no longer involved with the project. Our project. Chandra said that based on pressure from his shareholders he had decided to move forward and sell the device directly through Fusion Garage, without our involvement.

Err, what? This is the equivalent of Foxconn, who build the iPhone, notifying Apple a couple of days before launch that they’d be moving ahead and selling the iPhone directly without any involvement from Apple.

Chandra also forwarded an internal email from one of his shareholders. My favorite part of the email: “We still acknowledge that Arrington and TechCrunch bring some value to your business endeavor…If he agrees to our terms, we would have Arrington assume the role of visionary/evangelist/marketing head and Fusion Garage would acquire the rights to use the Crunchpad brand and name. Personally, I don’t think the name is all that important but you seem to be somewhat attached to the name.”

And with that, the entire project self destructed.

Neither we nor Fusion Garage own the intellectual property of the CrunchPad outright. Fusion Garage has a team of 13 or so employees, currently working here in Silicon Valley out of a home they rented and in our office. Their team has mixed with our CrunchPad team, which is led by Brian Kindle, the former Vice President Hardware Engineering and Manufacturing at Vudu and an early hardware engineer at TiVo. Development expenses have been shared, and our team has spent time in Singapore and Taiwan, and their team has spent time here. We chose to work with Fusion Garage on Prototype C and the launch prototype after we finished Prototype B internally.

We jointly own the CrunchPad product intellectual property, and we solely own the CrunchPad trademark.

So it’s legally impossible for them to simply build and sell the device without our agreement.

We’re still completely perplexed as to what happened. We think they were attempting to renegotiate the equity split on the company behind CrunchPad, which was to acquire Fusion Garage. Renegotiations are always fine. But holding a gun to our head two days before launching and insulting us isn’t the way to do that. We’ve spent the last week and a half trying unsuccessfully to communicate with them. Our calls and emails go unanswered, so we can’t even figure out exactly what’s happened.

Yesterday Chandra sent an email saying “Following our phone discussion, I had another round of discussions with my shareholders. The shareholders are not willing to move from their position as they believe their stand is justified. On the other hand, there isn’t an alternative offer on the table from Crunchpad.”

My response: “We have not come back to you with any counter offer to the email you forwarded because you and your shareholders have communicated to us that moving forward without us is something that you consider to be a legitimate and legal option. In other words, your “counter” offer is theft of intellectual property.”

Ultimately there are two sides to every story, and they’ll certainly have their side. We will almost certainly be filing multiple lawsuits against Fusion Garage, and possibly Chandra and his shareholders as individuals, shortly. The legal system will work it all out over time.

Mostly though I’m just sad. I never envisioned the CrunchPad as a huge business. I just wanted a tablet computer that I could use to consume the Internet while sitting on a couch. I’ve always pushed to open source all or parts of the project. So this isn’t really about money. It was about the thrill of building something with a team that had the same vision. Now that’s going to be impossible. And I’ve also lost a friend – Chandra spent months in our office this year and, until a week and a half ago, was the kind of young, determined entrepreneur that I admire. I thought we’d be friends for the rest of our lives.

And what’s really sad about all this is the incredible support we were getting from companies and people around the world to launch this device. A major multi-billion dollar retail partner has been patiently working with us for months, giving advice on manufacturing partners and offering to sell the CrunchPad at a zero margin to help us succeed in the early days. They were also willing to pay for the devices on order instead of 30 days after delivery, a crucial cash flow benefit that would allow us to ramp up volume without putting ourselves our of business. They were even willing to fly the devices from China on their own planes to eliminate our shipping costs. Intel, which would supply the Atom CPUs to power the device, has assisted us repeatedly with engineering and partner advice, and gave us pricing that was ridiculously generous given our projected first year sales volumes. Other partners were eager to promote and sell the device for little or no benefit on their end other than “supporting the project.” We even had sponsors lined up to help us sell the device near our $300ish cost.

And money wasn’t a problem, either. We had blue chip angel and venture capitalist investors in Silicon Valley waiting to invest in the company since late Spring. We were simply holding them off until we launched, to eliminate some of the risk.

It’s a sad day at TechCrunch HQ. Hitting the publish button on this post, which makes all of this so…final…is a very hard thing to do. I’m enraged, embarrassed, and just…sad

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The End Of The CrunchPad

Michael Arrington

10:52 AM EST•November 30, 2009

Patreon confirms security team layoffs

Zack Whittaker

8:32 AM EDT•September 9, 2022

The Patreon Inc. logo on a laptop computer arranged in Dobbs Ferry, New York, U.S., on Tuesday, April 13, 2021. More than 200,000 artists and entertainers use Patreon Inc. to connect with and raise money from fans. That momentum has helped the company raise some money of its own. Photographer: Tiffany Hagler-Geard/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Amazon is buying Cloostermans, a mechatronics specialist in Belgium, to ramp up its robotics operations

Ingrid Lunden

7:44 AM EDT•September 9, 2022

my blorbos <3

based on these tweets:

Close Kept Secrets

Adrien couldn’t quite place what he was feeling. Should he be grateful that Marinette was so loyal to Chat Noir, or insulted that she doesn’t recognize him? Or maybe even jealous that as Adrien he can’t enact the same loving, sassy and flirtatious character that was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Either way, he could definitely tell that she did not view him the same way she used to. He didn’t know if it was simply because of Chat Noir, but the girl that once tripped over her own words and feet seemed more collected. She treated him more like Nino now, and although he liked this new Marinette, it made him a bit sad that he couldn’t tell her the truth. Even as the leather clad superhero he felt this guilt and sadness. His gorgeous girlfriend who deserved everything in the world, deserved to know the truth. But he promised Ladybug that he wouldn’t.

“Lost in la-la land?” Adrien turned his head to Alya and gave her a small smile.

“Something like that,” he chuckled. “So what are you guys going to do after class?” Although he was speaking to all of them, his gaze landed solely on Marinette’s bluebell eyes.

Alya seemed to notice. “Well, Nino and I are going to study for our exams together. Maybe you two should join, seeing as how you both seem to always be behind on work,” she laughed, leaning back on the palms of her hands.

Marinette took a second to respond. “Not tonight, but tomorrow I definitely can.” Did she have plans tonight? Adrien squinted at the ground, trying to think if she had mentioned something to him before. It suddenly dawned on him that they had movie night planned for that night. “Yeah I don’t think I can with such short notice. I’ll tell my father when I get home. That work for you guys?” he asked, smiling up at them.

“I’m down for it dude, got nothing going on tomorrow.” Nino always had such a cool demeanor. Sometimes Adrien wished he could be that cool with people, but then again, as Chat Noir he was definitely the coolest. The thought of being Chat Noir that night made him smile, his princess would be waiting for him with a bowl of popcorn and most definitely some croissants. He was over the moon, head over heels in love with this girl.

“Okay then…Nino, why don’t you walk Adrien outside, he seems to be day dreaming again.” Alya took Marinette’s hand and they laughed as they walked out of the classroom. Pink bloomed across Adrien’s face. If he keeps embarrassing himself like this he definitely won’t have friends for long.

“Sorry Nino, just a lot on my mind,” he chuckled, trying to brush it off.

“Someone in particular?” Nino grinned.

“I never said someone,” Adrien pouted, huffing as he turned to get out of his seat.

“Could have fooled me, man. You keep staring at Marinette, finally change your mind about her?”

“We’re friends, Nino, I don’t want that to change.” He definitely did, he wanted her both as a civilian and superhero. But how would he even get there if Marinette was dating Chat Noir and not him? He should have thought this through more before he asked her out as the cat.

“If you say so, dude.” And with that the conversation ended. Adrien got into the black car that had been waiting for him and thanked the Gorilla before opening up his phone. He had given Marinette and email account not connected to the Agreste name so Chat and her could communicate during the day without her knowing his identity. Honestly, he had been expecting her to demand to know his true name the minute he asked her out, but she didn’t. She never asked for him to do more than he could, it was one of the many amazing things about her. It was like she really understood what he was going through.

How was school, Princess?

You know, busy. Exams are coming up so I’ll have to study more this coming week. So no sleepovers.

Nuu, Princess how could you? Choosing to study over spending time with your knight in shining armor!

More like the bdsm stripper I found in the alley way.

:o

Just kidding, kitty cat.

I know, princess. What time should I swing over?

Anytime after 7, unless you wanna have dinner with my parents.

Tempting offer but I’ll have to pass tonight. I’ll see you around 7.

<3

He really did want to eat with the Dupain-Cheng’s, but he had skipped too many meals at home that Natallie had gotten worried. Maybe next week. The rest of his day seemed to be in slow motion, minutes feeling like hours until it was finally six thirty. He locked his bedroom door before opening up a window.

“Why do we always have to go on our nights off? Can’t we go after patrols or something?” Plagg whined, throwing his back.

“And waste a day without seeing my girlfriend? Not a chance.”

“You see her every day.”

“Not when I’m her boyfriend and can actually hug and kiss her. As Adrien I can’t be like that, it would be weird, not to mention wrong in her mind.” He winced at the thought. “Plagg, claws out!” And with that, he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, until he landed on Marinette’s balcony.

Crouching down by the hatch, he knocked once, then twice, then three times. It swung open to reveal Marinette, dressed in what looked like a Chat Noir hoodie and some black sweatpants.

Chat’s face turned red. “Did you make that?” He could hardly contain his squeal of excitement.

“I was keeping it a secret until it was done! What do you think?” she smiled excitedly.

“You look adorable.” He jumped down into her room and wrapped his arms around her, lifting her off the floor.

“What movie?” she asked, kissing his nose.

“Harry Potter?” he suggested. They hadn’t watched it in a while and it was one of Marinette’s favorites.

“The first one and then maybe a couple episodes of the Mandalorian?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Chat smiled, lifting her up and throwing her on the small couch layered with blankets. Climbing onto the sofa himself, he places a soft kiss on her forehead, then her cheek, and down her neck before kissing her soft lips.

Not even a couple seconds passed before she broke the kiss and flipped him over with strength he keeps forgetting she has. “I forgot I had cookies in the oven!” she rushed out the door and down the stairs of her house.

Chat chuckled, grabbing her computer and setting it up in front of the sofa so they could lay down. The rest of the night was wonderful and peaceful. All Chat could think about was the warm body beside him and the kisses they shared. She was his everything, and he wanted nothing more than to be with her like this all the time. Like many movie nights, they got distracted by each other's closeness. Kisses got a bit too heated, hands began wandering. They knew when it was too far, and they would stop soon. Before he knew it, his hands were under her shirt and her fingers were tangled in his blonde hair.

“Princess,” he breathed heavily, “Maybe we should stop,”

She had been trying to reconnect their broken kiss and looked up at him. “You’re probably right.” She smiled.

They fixed themselves up and turned back to the computer. “Does that zipper actually work?” Marinette asked, smirking.

“W-what?” Chat stuttered, blushing uncontrollably.

“Your suit, does the zipper really work or is it just for show? It seems pretty secure.” She was laughing, making fun of his embarrassment.

He composed himself a bit more before saying, “I’m not really sure. But if it does work then I agree, it is a very sturdy zipper.” He paused. “Dirty thoughts, Princess?”

“Sometimes.” Now it was her turn to blush.

They enjoyed the remaining hours of their night before saying their goodbyes at around midnight.

The next morning Adrien was beyond happy to see Marinette. He didn’t think twice before skipping into the school to meet Nino with a lovesick smile on his face. Nino didn’t ask why he was so happy, and Adrien was grateful because if he had he would have definitely spilled the beans. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Alya and Marinette walking together, conversing about Marinette's newest design, the Chat Noir hoodie. “Girl, you could sell these! It’s so soft and not to mention stylish,” Alya mused.

“I don’t wanna sell it, it’s special,” Marinette said softly, looking down at her creation. Even the cut was adorable, the sleeves falling just below her wrists.

“You look adorable,” Adrien blurted out. He barely even registered what he had said before Marinette responded.

“Thanks,” she said awkwardly but also contemplating. She looked at Adrien like she was interrogating him telepathically.

Alya seemed stunned beyond belief, mouth agape but nothing coming out. Nino just stood on the side lines and smirked, waiting for Adrien’s brain to catch up. It didn’t take too much longer for Adrien to not only realize what he had just said to the girl he was technically not dating, but also that he had complimented her the same way as Chat Noir the night before.

“I’m sorry–that’s not what I meant! Well, no–you are adorable but I didn’t mean it in a creepy or weird way!” Adrien quickly tried to dig himself out of the eight foot hole he had fallen into.

“No it’s alright, I understand.” Marinette smiled and waved it off as if nothing had happened. She wasn’t interested in Adrien anymore, but the way he was acting was weird. He seemed to be tip toeing around her. Maybe she should talk to Chat about it.

They all went up to class as the bell rung, Adrien feeling completely stupid, Marinette feeling a bit confused, Alya still speechless, and Nino looking smug as ever. As Ms. Bustier began the lesson, Marinette pulled out her phone and hid it under her desk as she typed.

Hey Kitty, my friend Adrien gave me a strange compliment today. I’m not sure how much he meant it, but he seemed pretty embarrassed about it. Do you think I should talk to him?

Adrien’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out and almost immediately put his hand in front of his face. Marinette didn’t put the pieces together, but he was going to have a rough time keeping this up for much longer.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

NCT 127: How they would be as coworkers in a shitty office

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❁ [Taeil] King of the welcome wagon; If it was your first day working in a small dinky business, Taeil will make it his sole responsibility to make the environment as inviting as possible. After all, the business wasn't some glamorous well known company, nor was it an exciting new start up, so Taeil made it his mission to paint the office as pretty as he could before you could decide if the job was too boring to keep. If you ask any of his co-workers they'll tell you nobody put him in charge of welcoming the newbie, but it seemed everybody but you noticed him do a double take at the receptionist's desk where you waited to be shown around. Soft moments included him making you a coffee every time he left to make his own, making a point of clearing a little space in the communal fridge for your lunch and hanging around while trying to maintain a respectful distance in case you had any queries so he could be the first to answer them. If you were low-key dreading your first day, you kinda forget about the nerves quickly because of his kindness and tells you cheerfully "See, we don't bite." Will make sure you have everything you need, down to the last sticky note and ball point pen, and smiles bashfully at you when you go to thank him.

❁ [Johnny] cheesy office romance; It was quite impressive really, the fact that Johnny managed to unlock every single office romance cliche you could think of and he wasn't subtle about it either. Though there was no policy really about dating co-workers, the whole situation was a tiny bit embarrassing given the blatant flirting from the titan walking around in his shirt and tie, always throwing devilish smiles from over the photocopier. Even if his desk was miles away from yours, there would always be an excuse to stroll by your work space to drop off some paperwork personally, or remind you of the meeting happening in the afternoon despite the email reminder going around. Johnny really put his bladder through it since he now took too frequent trips to the water cooler that was so conveniently placed next to your desk. The whole office gagged when you finally agreed to go for drinks after work. The hours were spent buying each other pints and admiring him with his tie loosened and shirt sleeves rolled up, revealing the delicate tattoos that decorated the skin there before calling it a night and letting him kiss you on your porch after walking you home. You kind of became the height of office gossip, which Johnny thrived in, but you couldn't really be mad when you were dating that tall glass of water after all.

❁ [Taeyong] The receptionist with first aid training; Stapling your finger was embarrassing enough, imagine the heat flooding your cheeks when the receptionist appears at your desk clutching the first aid kit, big kind eyes glancing at your finger empathetically. Taeyong was the first face you saw when you walked through the door, that alone making a wonderful first impression, also he was a very diligent worker. He never made a fuss when you asked him to fax something, make a memo or photocopy, and when you had to ring the office because you left your keycard and needed to be let in, he laughed that off with you too while assuring that it happened all the time. On the blasted day you aimed the stapler at your paper but instead caught your finger, Taeyong was the first to perk from behind his desk at your exclamation of "Ow!" and was by your side before you knew it. He apologised profusely at the sting of an anti-bacterial wipe and wrapped your finger gingerly in a plaster, his chair scooted towards you and your knees bumping occasionally. You were pretty sure every female in the office was crushing on him and you were one of many, but you couldn't help the blush when you received a private IM chat asking if you wanted to get coffee after work: "Date? :)" he wrote at the end of the message. You wasted no time typing on your computer a reply, sneaking a glance at his face from behind the desk and exchanging a smile before looking busy once again.

❁ [Yuta] The guy that lowkey terrified you; Yuta was the co-worker that, whether it was on purpose or not, pushed you away with sheer intimidation and sinfully good looks. When you first encountered him in the office you were sure he was a model undercover, and when that was debunked you were sure he must have had a much higher level and higher paying job than you. His presence read corporate, the cologne you sometimes caught a whiff of smelt expensive and you could easily picture him in a big leather chair in a tall glass building barking orders at people. What surprised you was behind the intimidating aura, lay the humility of any of your other co-workers. All it took was one painfully awkward conversation in the break room and with the power of pointless small talk you learnt that his weekend plans didn't involve a modelling side hustle like you expected, but rather being a homebody, watching animated movies and cooking dinner for one instead. When you did finally enter an established relationship with him, expect impulsive moments like being tugged into the copier room so he can press his lips to yours and run his hands through your hair, or intense staring contests when other male co-workers demanded your attention. Overall, he was terrifying, but his redeemable qualities involved making dates after work so you had something to look forward to, buying your favourite cake during office parties and volunteering to do overtime with you so you would always be entertained.

❁ [Doyoung] The manager that scares you shitless; For the position of local branch manager, Doyoung exuded way more power and intimidation than what was probably warranted. Maybe that was why he managed to get the branch performing so well, everybody dreaded being called into his office for "friendly chitchat" after making a small mistake. When you first arrived, you steered as clear from him as possible, only venturing near his office when absolutely needed. What you didn't see was the way he would watch you intently in your little office nook, always appreciating how hard you worked and how cute you looked in your office get-up. You often squirmed at the amount of eye-contact he gave you when he ran meetings and you would glance around to see if anyone else was experiencing the same thing. Nope, just you. When he did call you into his office that one time you were quaking in your shoes. You had already convinced yourself you were fired before you had even reached his office door, but the feeling was replaced soon enough with confusion when he did eventually speak to you. "I just wanted to ask... would you be interested in.... this corporate training program?" He rushed. My god, your boss was just as awkward as the next bumbling guy. It would be a while before he asked you on an official date, dinner for two, also quite a bit of paperwork to fill out with HR, but you would come to realise his icy exterior wasn't all that icy when he wasn't in work-mode.

❁ [Jaehyun] The temp that never left; Jaehyun was fresh from university, now venturing into the world of work but still had the boyish aura that set him apart from the rest of the men in the office. From the way he spoke to you over lunch in the break room you could tell he was full of ambition, but also didn't seem to be in any rush to leave this job any time soon. Jaehyun was the guy who you initially tried not to get too close to, since you were under the impression that he would be leaving after completing the temporary placement and when he left it would hurt like a bitch. However, you could have sworn his placement ended like a month ago, but eventually you learnt that he somehow managed to talk himself into a full-time position. "Oh that, yeah, I guess I just realised I had more reasons to stay." He shrugged as casually as he could when you asked about it. You couldn't deny that you were happy, not when you saw his smiling face in the conference room saving you a seat, hearing his outrageous stories from uni and always being the two to get a little too drunk at corporate parties and being sent home in a taxi of shame. Romance blossomed when you remembered that one drunken kiss in the backseat and you both bonded when your boss gave you the cold shoulder after arriving to work a little more than dishevelled and with a hangover.

❁ [Jungwoo] Desk buddy; Honestly, who could hate their job when they had a sweet Jungwoo sitting at the desk adjacent to theirs. You kinda scored when your boss appointed you this specific desk because Jungwoo took to you almost embarrassingly quick. It made your heart swell looking at all the little knick knacks on his desk; toys to fiddle with and colourful sticky notes, this was just one part of his persona. You were a little shocked when he offered you a cigarette during the lunch break, kind of exposing a duality you didn't know existed, but nobody could be that wholesome of a person. Monday to Friday 9-5 was filled with Jungwoo ping-ponging back and forth between these traits, any off handed comments he would mutter to you when the boss was giving an announcement or the conversations you would overhear him having with a friend over the phone would remind you he wasn't a total puppy of a human being. However, the way he always offered to share a snack and would flick paper and notes at you playfully was also very much him being himself. You always fluttered a little at the smirk he would throw your way when your manager was talking something boring or ridiculous, it seemed those smirks were only reserved for you. It didn't take long before he became your best friend in the office, if he wasn't in that day you were in the right mind to just call it quits yourself (and vice versa), he was the guy that made the long hours that much more bearable.

❁ [Mark] The bumbling intern; When it came to responsibilities in the work place, you tried to delegate as little of that as possible to Mark the intern. It was cute really, the guy put in 110% effort into his tasks and yet when it came to coffee orders, photocopying or sending out a memo, something nearly always went wrong. You couldn't help but admire his enthusiasm, also that he made an effort to know everybody in the office, including the cleaners. Mark was one of the first people to greet you when you joined, waving around a little notebook of Starbucks orders and a company card to splurge, urging you to write down whatever you wanted. A simple task right? Rookie mistake. Bless him, you would never tell him how his mistake of getting full dairy rather than the soy you requested led to a night on and off the toilet, but that just scratched the surface of his office blunders. Somehow, he never cost the company too much, but there was a reason why the poor boy never got promoted beyond intern. He wasn't deterred though, he'd lean up against your desk while you made idle chit chat and he'd tell you that he liked his job and he didn't aspire to be the best in this business. Where he really proved himself was during company functions, you'll never forget during the annual employee bbq when he asked you your favourite song so he could sing it melodically accompanied skilfully with a guitar. Mark's contributions to the work place were always a little unpredictable, but he kept things interesting and people, including you, genuinely enjoyed having him around.

❁ [Haechan] Probably the reason you get fired; Even in the workplace, Haechan can't deny himself a bit of mischief. He made a stellar first impression by rocking up half an hour late, sending your boss a half arsed apology and plonking down at the desk across the room from yours. To be honest, he kind of annoyed you at first, his attitude came off immature and you didn't appreciate how distracting he was when you had work to do. However, things started to change at some point. Haechan was the guy that convinced you to ditch the office party and sit on the rooftop with him to watch the city lights, the guy that sent out ridiculous memos just to catch you smile and the guy eventually became the reason for you own demise after he started picking you up for breakfast most mornings. When the manager called you in his office after being late the third time in a row, you ducked your head and mumbled something about traffic while hiding a croissant wrapper in your pocket, Haechan covered a laugh with a cough and apologised on behalf of both of you. When you asked him about why he never seemed to give a shit about anything, you learnt that it was because he had a taste for adventure; "Don't tell me you wanna stay and work here forever? Don't you wanna do something more... exciting with your life?" He asked you incredulously, like the answer was obvious. He kinda got you, no, you didn't want to work in a dingy office for the rest of you life. To be honest, when he painted a picture of moving to a big city, or taking a road trip, or just fucking off to the suburbs you didn't hate the sound of that either. When you were both sat there in your manager's office, signing off on a severance package, you weren't even mad. You didn't have time to be, Haechan was already clasping your hand and leading you to his car and laughing about finally being free, tugging his tie from around his neck whilst driving no where in particular- the start of an adventure.

Dragon Age development insights from David Gaider - PART 1

This information came from DG on a recent SummerfallStudios Twitch stream where he gave developer commentary while Liam Esler played DAO, specifically the mage Origin. I transcribed it in case there’s anyone who can’t watch the stream (for example due to connection/tech limitations, data, time constraints, or personal accessibility reasons). A lot of it is centered on DAO, but there’s also insights into DA2 and DAI. Some of it is info which is known having been out there already, some of it is new, and all of it imo was really interesting! It leaps from topic to topic as it’s a transcript of a conversational format. It’s under a cut due to length.

Note on how future streams in this series are going to work: The streams are going to be every Friday night. Most likely, every week, they’re going to play DAO. Every second week it will be Liam and DG and they’ll be doing more of this developer commentary style/way of doing things, talking about how the game was made as they play through, covering quirks and quibbles etc. Every other week, it will be Liam and a guest playing a different campaign in DAO, and Liam will be talking with them about how DA changed their lives or led them into game development, to get other peoples’ thoughts on the series (as it’s now been like 10 years). Some of these guests we may know, some we won’t. When other DA devs are brought on, it’ll be in the DG sessions. They hope to have PW and Karin Weekes on at some point. Sometime they hope to have an episode where they spend the whole time going through the lore.

(Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6)

[wording and opinions DG’s, occasionally LE’s; paraphrased]

DAO’s development actually finished up around April 2009. They then put it on ice for around six months before release. Human Noble is DG’s favorite Origin. It’s one of the ones he wrote. He also wrote the Dalish Origin as well (Tamlen is his doing ;__;). DAO’s temp name during development was Chronicles. DG has never played any of the DA games after they were released. He played them pre-release loads of times, when they were half-broken or incomplete etc. This stream is his first time seeing everything played after completion.

NWN: Hordes of the Underdark was the first game where DG was a/the lead writer, in charge of other writers, as opposed to a senior writer. It was pretty well-received. In the fall of 2003, BW were just finishing up HotU when James Ohlen came to DG to talk. BW had been having issues during the development of NWN with the IP holder for D&D Wizards of the Coast, so they were interested in starting their own IPs that they would have ownership over (and also for financial reasons). JO said to DG that one of these new IPs would be fantasy and one would be sci-fi. He knew that DG was more fantasy-oriented, and so asked DG if he wanted to take this on. DG was down, and the first thing to figure out was what that fantasy IP was going to be.

JO gave DG an atlas of European history, which he still has, and said that he wanted him to make a fantasy world that is reminiscent of medieval Europe and reminiscent of D&D - “make it like D&D but not, file off the serial numbers really well”. This worked for DG because he was pretty familiar with D&D and there were also lots of things that he didn’t like about it and wanted to change. So DG went off and for the next six months worked on creating a setting, beginning with documentation and the map. This was kinda strange because they had no idea at that time what their story would be. JO was very interested in having a “genetically evil” enemy in the setting (like an equivalent to orcs). DG wasn’t a big fan of this and his initial go at the setting omitted this (i.e. darkspawn were not a thing) and was a lot more realistic. JO insisted on adding them later on.

This period of development wasn’t actually a good process. There were other people who were working on the project who were designing the combat side. Looking back, DG feels that they should have put their heads together a lot sooner. The combat designers had various ideas for various prestige classes and subclasses, and DG would be like “these are nowhere in the setting [lore]”. He tried his best to add a few of them after the fact, which is why we see things like DA’s version of the bard archetype. The combat designers and artists originally had a vision in mind of a game that was much more along the lines of the type of fantasy you’d find in the Conan the Barbarian world - bare-chested barbarians, sorceresses that show a lot of skin, a grimdark world with barbarian hordes. They were just assuming that’s what it was going to be. At this point in time DG had never thought, “Oh, maybe I’m responsible for communicating my ideas to them” - he’d never done this role before and was just told to go create the world. He created world-building documentation and would send out emails saying “I’m making this documentation, please go ahead and take a look”, not learning until later on that nobody outside of the writing team really likes reading such documentation. He learned tricks later on like making the docs more accessible, less dense and wordy, and overall easier to peruse.

There was no real ‘vision holder’ for DA. Mass Effect did a much better job of that. Casey Hudson was the project director and the vision holder for ME, and he had the power to enforce a set vision of what was and was not ME. ME therefore ended up having a bit more of a coherent vision. DG was in essence the vision holder for DA, but he didn’t really have the authority to enforce it on the artists. The DA teams ended up spending a good 3.5 - 4 years of the ~6 years of DAO dev time going in circles, not exactly sure what they were going to make, the various people working on it having different ideas of what ‘kind’ of fantasy they were going to make. The writing team were leaning towards LoTR; the artists were leaning towards Conan; at one point one of the project directors was leaning towards a point-and-click Diablo-style action adventure; and nobody was overriding anybody else.

The fans who hang out on the forums and in similar places have a very different idea about what kind of game they like and want to play versus the telemetry BW get from the public in general. As an example, fans on the forums tend towards playing non-humans and feeling that playing as a human is boring. Forum-polls reflected that, but BW’s general public-telemetry shows that around 75-80% of the playerbase played a human in DAO. Elves were at 15% and dwarves 5%. In contrast, in the core/forum-based fanbase, the human figure dropped down to 30%.

DG originally wanted Zevran to be a gay romance (he has talked about this before). He asked JO if he could do that pretty early on, thinking of Jade Empire which had same-gender romance options which were really popular. BW were surprised about that, and DG had no idea that the JE team were going to do this. For DAO, he had an idea for an assassin character. He had been reading about how the CIA and KGB would often recruit gay men to be their assassins, as they didn’t tend to have family ties. DG thought this was really interesting. JO was cool with the idea on a conceptual level, but thought that the work that would end up going into it would be better served if those characters could be romanced by both male and female PCs. Zevran and Leliana weren’t intended to be bi, they were “bi out of convenience”, but at the time these sorts of things (representation and such) didn’t enter into the equation as much as it does today. DG wrote Zevran in his head as being romanceable by men.

DG would ask the hair artists, “Why all the mullets?”, because he never understood that, and he’d get “a sort of shrug response”, and an indication that “it’s easier to model, I guess?” Having hair which is loose, in the face, in locks, coming over the shoulders etc wasn’t really supported at this point by the tech or the engine. Hence, they ended up with like five different versions of mullets. On the subject of the engine, for the first half of development they were using an upgraded version of the Aurora engine from NWN, and it was not good. Several years in they decided to switch. Trent Oster was in charge at the time of making a new proprietary BW engine. At the time it wasn’t ready yet, but the DA team decided to grab it, use it and hammer it into the DA engine. That engine had “so many little weird quirks”, like lighting on skin not working properly and looking bad, and one of the issues was hair. It was supposed to be BW’s proprietary engine but it really wasn’t optimized for RPGs and didn’t include a dialogue system. They had to custom-build the conversation system. (At the time Trent didn’t think BW should be doing RPGs anymore, which is a whole other story of its own). DG recalls programmers complaining about things in the engine that weren’t ready for ‘prime-time’. Even compared to games released concurrently, DAO’s graphics were a bit dated.

For the worldbuilding, they had an internal wiki and they kept everything on there. They ended up with a lot of legacy documentation on there very quickly. Eventually they solved this by hiring an editor whose sole job it was to wrangle the documentation. DG started work on the setting in the same manner in which he’d embark on starting a homebrew - ‘so like, first, here’s a map, oh, I like this name, vague ideas, a paragraph on each major nation, a rough timeline of the history, expanding, and it just growing from there’. After about six months, they brought on other writers, and by then he had around 50 pages of documentation. This 50 pages was a minute amount compared to the amount they had generated at the time of release. Originally, they weren’t sure where in the world specifically the story would take place, so DG made sure to seed potential and brewing conflicts throughout Thedas. They settled quite quickly on the new Blight starting in Ferelden. Once they established that, the writers went to town on taking Ferelden specifically and blowing it up detail-wise. Jennifer Hepler was in charge of the dwarves and Orzammar. Mary Kirby was on Fereldan customs and traditions.

The first version of the setting was more grounded in realism, almost like a post-fantasy. The dragons and griffons were extinct and a lot of the things that were thought to be fantastical were thought to be over with. During development, they started clawing these things back. They brought back dragons because the game was named Dragon Age (lol). DG was approached like, “Hey, we named the game DA, can you bring back dragons and weave them into the story more powerfully?” Wynne’s writer Sheryl Chee had a bit of an obsession with griffons and was often like ‘omg, griffons :D’, and this is the origin of Wynne’s dialogue with the Warden about griffons.

KotOR was the first time BW had tried to do a game that was fully voiced-over. For KotOR, BW sent the work of casting, direction and so on down to another studio in California called Technicolor. BW had little say in the process then and when they got it back, “it was what it was”. By the time they got to DA and the first ME, BW had a good system down for recording and VO had become an important thing in games at the time. BW are really one of the premieres for this, a lot of actors really like acting on BW games as they get a lot of space to act where they wouldn’t normally be able to do so otherwise. DG has learned a lot from Caroline Livingstone on how to encourage the best performance out of an actor. For DAO, DG worked together with the various lead designers and Caroline to decide on the auditions, casting etc. This was one of DG’s favorite things to do.

Gideon Emery as Fenris, GDL as Solas and Eve Myles as Merrill were times where DG had written the character and then went to Caroline and said “I have an actor in mind for them, can you check it out?” These were specific times where he was able to secure the actor he wanted. This didn’t always work out, for example there are times when actors aren’t interested or have no time due to scheduling conflicts or were too expensive etc. Eve and GDL were DG’s roommate Cori’s idea. Cori was a big fan of Torchwood/the actors from Torchwood, and worked as an editor at BW for a long time. Gideon was DG’s idea after playing FF12. For DAO, DG didn’t have any specific ideas in terms of actors. Casting Morrigan was the longest, most drawn out process.

The Circle went through a whooole process during worldbuilding. Initially, mages in the game weren’t supposed to have any “fighting magic”. The restrictions were originally such that in the lore, they didn’t teach mages that. Mages weren’t taught any magic that could kill people, only ‘indirect’ forms of magic that could support others. However, [during what sounds like] playtesting it was asked “Why can’t I cast a fireball? I just want to cast a fireball”, so the writers had to go back and rework how magic in the lore worked completely.

Flemeth was originally going to be voiced by Shohreh Aghdashloo, and she was totally on-board, but unfortunately because of DAO’s development delays, she was unable to attend the new recording time as she had a conflict in her schedule (she was filming House of Sand and Fog). Shoreh was quite disappointed about this and her family had been so excited that she was going to be in a video game. When the movie was finished, Shoreh came back to BW and let them know that she was still available, and this is how she ended up in ME2. For a while they were trying to find an actress with an accent that authentically mirrored Shoreh’s. Out of the blue around this time, Claudia Black’s agent sent BW an audition tape of her. At the time Claudia hadn’t done any games but wanted to get into it. The tape was of Claudia doing a beat poet rendition of Baby Got Back. DG still has this tape. DG was a big fan of Farscape and on listening to the tape, it clicked right away in his head that Claudia would be perfect for Morrigan.

The Fade ended up being a big irritation for the writers. They wanted the PC to be able to assume different forms and such while in there. A lot of this stuff proved too difficult for the combat designers to work out, and so it ended up getting changed a lot. They had a hard time coming up with gameplay that could work in the Fade. The mage Origin is DG’s least favorite of the Origin stories, as he’s really dubious about the Fade section in it. It didn’t work out like how they had pictured it in their heads. By the time they got to DAI, that’s when the Fade really looks like how the writers first described/envisioned it. By this point the artists were more keen to give it a more specific feel. DAO was made at a time when ‘brown is realistic’ was a prevailing thing in games dev.

The experience of a mage in the world isn’t represented or conveyed very well to the player when the player is a mage. The experience of the player when they’re playing a mage or have a mage in their party doesn’t really match up with how the world lore tells them how dangerous mages can be - for example, how they can lose control and so on, we never really have an example of a PC mage struggling with being taken over by a demon. This was originally supposed to be a subplot in DA2 for mage Hawkes, in one of the last cuts. In Act 2, mage Hawke was originally slowly being tricked by a demon in their head that they thought was real, only to realize at the last minute. Mouse the Pride demon in the mage Origin is the only time in the entire series that they really ever properly demonstrated how demons can fuck with [PC] mages. Also, PC templars were originally supposed to have a permanent lyrium addiction that they needed to ‘feed’, but this was scrapped as the system designers weren’t keen on it and felt that it was essentially handicapping the player. 

Mages were originally also not supposed to be able to deal with pure lyrium (it would ‘overload’ them). There is a plot where mage PCs run around touching lyrium nodes to refill their mana bars. On this DG was like “Wtf is this?” The designers said that it works, and DG said “but it flies in the face of the lore”. This instance is an example of how the DA team was working where the various departments (writers, artists, designers etc) all had their own ideas about how the game and its world would work and never overrode each other (see above). DG feels that DAO is a little contradictory in that way. It’s only after the game came out that a lot of the people on the team really “bought into” what they’d put forward. This got easier as they went on, with people involved buying then into the things that make Dragon Age, Dragon Age. At one point, not everyone on the team was even aware of those things.

DG relates that originally, they would ask the artists, “Ok, can we get a village?” and said village once created would be quite generic and non-specific to DA. The writers would try to relate how things are in the DA world and list things that would be found in a village like this specific to the DA world, and the artists either didn’t read it or had their own ideas (DG isn’t sure which), and nobody was around to tell them not to do that and that they should do it differently. Everyone having their own ideas like this is why we ended up getting something that is this sort of “cobbled together half-Conan half-LotR mish-mash”, and after a while this sort of became DA’s “thing”.

Initially, BW had concepts drawn up for a lot more different creatures. After they went in circles for those years and consequently ran out of time to do all the models, they had to cut these concepts down more and more. Demons were among the ones that were the first to go (this is why we have situations like a bereskarn as the Sloth Demon in the mage Origin). The original concepts for things like spirits of Valor and Sloth demons were really good. Early on, JO made a list of D&D creatures that he liked. He picked the ones that they were thinking of doing, sent them to DG and said to make a “DA version of this”. For example, D&D succubi essentially became Desire Demons. Desire Demons were originally patterned off Sandman, neither male nor female yet really alluring, acting more like a genie and trying to ferret out mortals’ inner desires (which are not necessarily sexual in nature), without being overtly sexual. The artists’ version came back and that was basically the model seen in-game. The writers were like “What is this, this is nothing like the description?” and the artists responded that on the list from JO, it was included, in that you had to click on “succubus” to get to the Desire Demon description, so they had just read “succubus” and done their version of a succubus. The artists did loads of great work, but this was one of the instances were DG was like “???” By then, it was too late to change it. The writers were able to encourage them to make Desire Demons a little more fearsome, so that made it in at least.

The mage Origin was one of the more contentious Origin stories. It had like 4 different versions written of it over time. It was often the case that BW would hire someone, and writing an Origin story was their first test. Three different writers came in and wrote a version of the mage Origin and those versions just didn’t work. Finally they passed it to Sheryl Chee and she wrote it. The Origins were the parts of the game in general that were written/rewritten the most often. There were several others that got written that they discarded. 

Duncan was slated for death from Day 1. When DG writes a story, the thing he does first is pick out the big emotional beats that he wants, such as deaths. He decides these ahead of time and the stuff in-between comes later and is more often changed. Oghren was also originally supposed to die, but this ended up getting cut. DG related a story of how Oghren came to be: At the time, there was a phase JO went through when he thought everything had a formula that it could be done by. One of these ‘creative forumulas’ was that all such IPs had a two-word name that they’re known by, such as Star Wars, Star Trek, Dragonlance (being Dragon-Lance). This is how ‘DA’ and ‘ME’ came to be. One of the formulas he wanted to implement was how to distill the ‘comedy character’, like Minsc or HK-47. These characters were very popular with the fans and JO was certain that there was a way to figure this out to create one for DA. At the time, DG argued with him a lot about this. JO insisted it could be done. DG was originally supposed to write this character but ended up not doing so. JO came up with a list of comedic archetypes and had DG write a blurb about what kind of character each could be. These were then sent out to the team who voted on which was their favorite. This process eventually resulted in an archetype basically called ‘The Buffoon’ (think Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin, the kind of guy people laugh at because he’s such an oaf).

At this point ‘The Buffoon’ wasn’t named or made a dwarf yet. JO came to DG to write him, but DG said there was a problem which is that he hates this archetype. Homer and Peter are characters that he despises. DG is a professional writer, but this was comedy (outside of his areas of strength), and he felt the best he would be able to do is write a character who makes fun of this archetype and lampshade that. Comedy is something that has to come from within the writer. Oghren was given to someone else, and he ended up getting rewritten again anyway. By the time they were working on Awakening, DAO had not yet come out, and the assumption prior to the game going out was that Oghren was still going to be the most popular character from among the followers. The comedic character that ended up being the most popular along these lines was Alistair, which was interesting as he wasn’t intended as a comedic character, “so shows what we know”. DG was dubious that Oghren was going to be popular, because “he was kind of pathetic, honestly”, but that was the thinking at the time. Thinking he would be well-loved is why he was in Awakening.

On Alistair, any character DG writes is going to be sarcastic. At the time DG had made it a sort of personal challenge to recreate Joss Whedon’s dialogue patterns in his characters. Alistair was a sort of mish-mash of Xander from Buffy and maybe Mal from Firefly. DG wanted to see if he could do it, so Alistair was kind of quippy and self-deprecating. DG never really considered this to be Alistair’s main personality feature, but when other writers wrote him, they often had him doing this, as they liked the trait so much, and so this is how Alistair ended up as he did.

On dwarves, the dwarves being cut off from the Fade is very much baked into who the dwarves are as a race. There’s a specific reason why. This has been hinted at so far and it’s likely to come up in the future. DG had various ideas for some things that he wanted to include with the races or the way the world works etc. Some of them ended up never happening or some are mentioned only as part of the lore (templar lyrium addiction never coming up in gameplay is an example of this). Dwarven history and the nature of the dwarves is one of the things that survived pretty well though. DG calls Jennifer Hepler “mistress of the dwarves” and says that she did a really detailed, amazing breakdown of their history. After Jennifer left it was Mary Kirby, and DG feels that they did a good job of maintaining how dwarves were, in terms of both how they’re often presented in fantasy and yet also quite different in DA. Orzammar is one of DG’s favorite plots all together. You can really tell that Jennifer Hepler really enjoyed the dwarves and brought a lot of love to that plot.

DG draws a distinction between DA fans and the unpleasant people who harassed Jennifer Hepler.

They managed to keep the Tranquil in. There was a while there where they were going to be cut. At the same time, DG regrets that they couldn’t solve the making of the player more aware of how mages are dangerous, thing. Players could make a cogent argument like “they’re not that dangerous, look at me [mage PC]” and the writers were like “well... yeah, that is fair”. It was a case of showing one thing and the player experience of it being another. DG feels that this made the templars come off worse than they are. DG feels that they are being massively unfair and too extreme in their approach to the problem, but the problem itself is a real thing. He feels that there’s some merit/truth in the argument that mages are oppressed, but he looks at it more like an issue like gun control rather than as treatment of oppressed people, saying that we don’t have an example in real life of oppressed people who can explode into demons and cast fireballs and so on.

There are some funny pronunciations that worked their way into DA, and the reason for a lot of them is as follows: the writers had to create a pronunciation guide for VO, because otherwise you end up with a lot of inconsistencies. (Some did still slip through). The guide was online, and if you clicked on a word, an audio file for it would play. Jennifer Hepler was in charge of this and did a great job, but has a really strong NY accent, and in some cases the ‘NY-ness’ of her pronunciation endearingly worked itself into things (the way Arlathan is sometimes said is an example of where this happened sometimes).

Sometimes the writers trying to communicate the “hotness” of a character to the artists didn’t go smoothly. The writers would sometimes say things like, ok, this character is a romance, they need to be hot, and the designs would come back looking “like Burt Reynolds”, and the writers would be like “???” And then a character that wasn’t particularly intended to be hot, as in that wasn’t mentioned at all in the descriptions of them, would come back “accidentally hot”, and the writers would be like “Why couldn’t you have done this when we were asking for a character that was meant to be hot”, and the artists would be like “What?? He’s not hot”. And this became a thing (lmao - this discussion was prompted by DG being asked “Was Duncan meant to be that hot?”, for context). Some of the artists were so paranoid about their [in]ability to judge actually-hot characters that when it was time to pick an appearance, like for Alistair, they gathered up all the women at BioWare, and DG (“resident gay”) into a room to show them an array of faces and bodies like “Is this hot? Is this hot?” DG and co would sit there like, “How can you not tell? Is this a straight man thing?!” Anyways, this is why oftentimes we ended up with characters who are accidentally hot.

Over time, the writers realized that the way they communicated to artists needed to be managed better. The words they would use would have different connotations to them the writers, than what they did to the artists. For example, for Anders’ design in DA2, he was supposed to be “a little haggard”. When DG thinks of haggard, he thinks ‘a little tired, mussed hair, looking like you’ve been through some shit’. But the artists based on that produced concepts with super sunken cheeks, looking like he’d been terribly starved. The writers needed to develop a specific vocabulary for communicating with the artists, as artists think in terms of how something looks, but writers are thinking in terms of what the character “is”. Anders’ description talked about his history a lot, and the one visual-type word that jumped out was “haggard” due to its visual connotations. “A lot it came down to the writers being up their/our own asses.”

When they got to DAI, they had figured out that the way to get best results on this front was /not/ to have the writer go off and develop a long description and pre-conceived notion of what the character looked like in their head. In such scenarios artists don’t feel that they have much to contribute to the process or an ability to put their own stamp on who this character is and make them interesting to them (the best, most interesting characters are when people at all stages of the pipeline properly get to feed into it). They learned that the better solution was to bring the artists in earlier, and to give them little blurbs, and not name the character but give them an ‘archetype’-sort of ‘name’. For example, Dorian was “the rockstar mage”, “cool”, “Freddie Mercury”. The writers wouldn’t be sure that a particular concept would ‘hit’, so at this stage they would offer an array of options and sit the artist down and walk them through the concepts. The artists would then provide a bunch of sketches and it would go back and forth, with both taking part in the character creation process together. For the first two games, the writers were “really hogging” this process to themselves. They got better at not doing this and better at communicating with the artists by DAI.

There were a lot of arguments about how mages in DAO had a lot of specific lore words like “Harrowing”, “phylactery”, “Rite of Tranquility” etc. There was concern that this would be too confusing for players to understand and that it was too complicated. DG says that thankfully he put his foot down and pushed for this stuff to be kept. A lot of fans assume that as lead writer DG had all this influence, way more influence than he could possibly exert on a team. He wasn’t even a lead, he was a sub-lead, under a lead designer. He only had so much say. If the lead designer or lead artist wanted to do something differently, often there was not much he could do. Hence he had to pick his battles carefully, choose the important ones to fight. The mage vocabulary thing was one of these.

Templar Greagoir’s name is pronounced “Gregor” and it comes from a place in Alberta near where DG lived.

Codex entries are usually one of the last things that get done in a project like this, and so all of that kind of textual lore comes in super late and is super punchy as by then the writers have written so much and are exhausted. They had to find a way to make this process cute or interesting or fun for themselves, which is why a lot of entries are quite fun to read. Sometimes a writer would make a joke for banter [irl], and it would end up making it into an entry.

Only Morrigan and Duncan got unique body models in DAO. The companions all have custom-morphed heads but not custom-morphed bodies (Morrigan not included here). This is why every model has a necklace or a collar right at the point where they had to be attached to be a body. These sometimes used assets that couldn’t be used by the PC but were not unique to that character. Duncan probably got a unique model because he was in a lot of marketing/promotional material. Qunari were originally conceived as having horns.

Most people didn’t even finish DAO once (public telemetry again here), only approximately 20-25% actually did. The devs try not to read too much into this kind of thing, but the telemetry does tell them where a lot of people stop playing the game permanently (they call these “drop-off points”). One of these points in DAO is the Fade during Broken Circle. Sometimes when people interpret this data they involve self-serving biases, but it was generally accepted that the Fade there was too long, too complex, not interesting enough, etc. [source]

[Part 2]

[Part 3]

[Part 4]

[Part 5]

[Part 6]

[‘Insights into DA dev from the Gamers For Groceries stream’ transcript]