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joyful-soul-collector · 3 years

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❄️Week 1: December 9-15❄️

stars in the city ch. 10 by @parkrstark (Pt. 3 of constant as the stars above)

Summary: Peter and Steve are finally settling into their new life with Tony. Recovery isn't always a straight line, especially with a four-year-old, but they're trying their best. Their newfound fame has Steve juggling between his private life and the one plastered on the front page of every tabloid. He shouldn't have been surprised that the public didn't believe in his rags to riches love story. Tony usually makes it easier for him to handle it all. Until he starts to distance himself from Steve, as if now he's the one hiding something. And Steve is left wondering if he's about to lose Tony for good this time.

Relationships/Tropes: Stony, Irondad, Papa Steve, Homeless Peter Parker, Homeless Steve Rogers, No Powers AU, (Coffee Shop AU??? Sorta)

Review: This fic just always makes my heart ache in the best way. So much fluff, so much angst, it's a perfect balance that I'm just absolutely in love with!

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Devils Roll The Dice ch. 9 by @ephemeralstark

Summary: “I miss you Mr. Stark,” Peter admitted as he stared up through the leaves overhead at the stars that twinkled promisingly at him, “I wish you were back here. I would give anything to fix things, I would give anything for you to be alive today.” What Peter didn't know, as he made that wish and closed his eyes, letting the tears fall shamefully, was that the Universe was always listening, and it was dangerous to make a wish and offer up anything. - Tony Stark wakes up in his bed one morning, not realising that months have passed since his death - that's going to be awkward to explain to the world. Peter Parker has been living on the streets, trying to hide his identity as the entire world wants Spider-Man dead, and dealing with the trauma that Beck left him. To make things worse - it's now his fault that yet another bad guy thinks they're entitled to owning Earth.

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Spideychelle, Pepperony, Happy Hogan/May Parker, Homeless Peter Parker, Post-FFH, Post-Identity Reveal, Tony Stark Comes Back To Life

Review: Oh man this fic is so sad and so sweet, I love it so much! I love how it combines Peter's trauma after Mysterio with his reaction to finding out that Tony is alive again, it's just so creative!

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His Heart Bloomed Sunflowers (and he wore them on his skin) by @littlemissagrafina (Pt. 24 of Comfortember 2020)

Summary: Peter honestly didn't know how no one had discovered his tattoos yet. He wasn't broadcasting them but he wasn't exactly being the most subtle either. Although he was partly grateful for it since he was dreading what would happen when May on Tony saw them. But he was pleasantly surprised at the reactions that he got when he was found out. Peter had expected anger, disappointment, maybe annoyance at the very least. What he got was far from that. (A sequel to Comfortember Day 4. Anxiety) Comfortember Day 29. Make/Build/Create Something Beautiful

Relationships/Tropes: Minor Spideychelle, Tattoos, Comfortember

Review: I love this fic so much! I loved the description of how the flowers wilted when the ones he'd drawn had faded, and how the ones he got tattooed never wilted again :']

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I’ll drive all night (to keep them warm) by @littlemissagrafina (Pt. 23 of Comfortember 2020)

Summary: For the next hour they tried to calm Morgan again but, just like the rest of the day with Tony and Pepper, nothing was working. No teething rings, gel, nothing. The little girl was just well and truly grumpy, tired, and sore.

Suddenly an idea came to Peter and he turned to Tony and Pepper.

"Can I try something?"

They both nodded at him, prompting him to continue with his idea.

"Can I take her for a drive?" He asked. "I'm not sure if it'll work but Ben used to do it for me when I was younger and it always calmed me down."

Comfortember day 28. Car Ride

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Peter & Morgan, Pepperony, Baby Morgan, Car Rides, Comfortember

Review: This one was so cute! I love Peter being a good big brother to baby Morgan, and I relate to finding trips in the car relaxing and nice :D

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It’s What Brothers Do by @littlemissagrafina (Pt. 22 of Comfortember 2020)

Summary: Morgan was somehow full of even more energy than usual that day and wanted to see if she could do the monkey bars that were attached to the jungle gym herself. Before Peter could stop her, she had already grabbed hold of the first one and let herself swing towards the next one.

But the little girl had misjudged just how heavy swinging your own body weight was and almost immediately started falling. Peter shot forward from his place on the ground, jumping and diving, just managing to catch her before they both hit the grass of the park grounds. Comfortember Day 27. Park

Relationships/Tropes: Minor Pepperony, Peter & Morgan, Irondad, Peter Protects Morgan, Comfortember

Review: Another cute Big Brother Peter fic! I love that Peter was really protecting Morgan in this one, he loves her enough to put himself in harm's way to protect her

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The Burger Debate by @littlemissagrafina (Pt. 21 of Comfortember 2020)

Summary: Tony and Peter shared a lot of similarities, there was no doubt about it. A lot of their mannerisms were the same, personality quirks (especially in the lab), occasional recklessness, selfless hero personas, etc etc. However, one thing they didn't share was their taste in burgers. Whenever the topic came up there was a friendly, yet heated, 'disagreement' as Tony called it. No matter what anyone ever told him, Tony thought that a cheeseburger was the holy grail of burgers. And Peter, well… he happened to think the same only for chicken burgers.

Comfortember Day 26. Junk Food

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Peter & Morgan, Pepperony, Infinity War Compliant, Not Endgame Compliant

Review: This was so sweet and so sad, especially the part where Tony couldn't eat burgers while Peter was snapped because it hurt him too much. It showed his grief really well

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Career Day Drabble by @jen27ny

Summary: uncle happy and uncle rhodey come to peter’s career day

Relationships/Tropes: Happy & Peter, Rhodey & Peter, Happy & Rhodey, Minor Irondad, Career Day

Review: I loved this story so much! I really appreciate seeing some nice Uncle Rhodey and Uncle Happy content!!

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Gifts by @wayward-fairchild (Pt. 5 of Holiday Collection 2020)

Summary: Rhodey and Tony have been together to the point Rhodey sees the kids as his own. Maybe that is why the kids agree to help with Rhodey's biggest gift to Tony yet.

Relationships/Tropes: Rhodey & Tony, Irondad, Rhodey & Peter, Christmas, Kid Peter

Review: This was just absolutely adorable! I love some Irondads content and this was very sweet

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evermore by @lyssismagical

Summary: Just a Solid Vent Fic. I wanna do 30 days of Taylor Swift-inspired fics (folklore and evermore) lmao but idk yet we’ll see lemme know tho

Relationships/Tropes: Spideychelle, Irondad, Peter Overworks Himself

Review: I loved this one a lot! I definitely relate to Peter with tending to overwork myself during school and letting other things fall away, and then feeling quite exhausted after it's all over haha. I'm glad MJ and Tony were able to help him <3

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Two Hours Spent Cuddling by @skeeter-110 (Pt. 2 of Twelve Days of Christmas)

Summary: A giant snowstorm takes out the power in the tower. While waiting for the backup generator to come up, the Stark-Rhodes family finds a way to stay warm.

Relationships/Tropes: Ironhusbands, Irondad, Papa Rhodey, Kid Peter, Christmas

Review: I. Love this story. So much. I haven't seen very many stories that center around Rhodey being a father-figure to Peter, and this one definitely filled all my desires for such a story! It's so fluffy and sweet, and I loved every word :D

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Three Stark-Rhodes’ Decorating by @skeeter-110 (Pt. 3 of Twelve Days of Christmas)

Summary: Tony, Rhodey, and Peter Stark-Rhodes begin decorating for the holiday season.

Relationships/Tropes: Ironhusbands, Irondad, Papa Rhodey, Kid Peter, Christmas

Review: This story was absolutely adorable! It was another featuring Papa Rhodey and Dad Tony with Little Peter, and it was so well done! I love that Tony's robots and JARVIS each get a stocking hung over the fire too, and the way Peter pronounce ornaments as "orminents" was so cute!!!

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Four Poorly Wrapped Presents by @skeeter-110 (Pt. 3 of Twelve Days of Christmas)

Summary: Peter has two presents each for his Daddy and his Papa. The only problem was, he had no idea how to wrap them. He figures the Avengers could help.

Relationships/Tropes: Ironhusbands, Irondad, Papa Rhodey, Avengers Family, Kid Peter, Christmas

Review: This was so sweet! Clint, Nat, and Steve treat Peter with such sweetness, and it made my heart all fuzzy and warm <3

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If you look at any these stories, be sure to show the author your appreciation with a comment/kudos/reblog where applicable!

Click here for more fanfic rec lists!

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the-acid-pear · 3 years

Text

I did my homework and i did my chores, time to tackle on the third book of this series, Son of Ogre

Chapter 1

Okay but the fuck is Baki planning to do if he stops fighting? That's literally all he has, he's not smart

WOOH THATS A BIT REALISTIC

PREHISTORIC ELEPHANT?!

King just went to have a snack. Also FUCK does that meat look tasty FUCKKK

This baby so cute 🥺

I'm so glad Yuji is doing stupid hilarious shit again it had been a while

Congrats on Baki for that mantis

Chapter 2

Who tf is this kid?

Poor kid lmao, i assume he will meet Baki

Look at my boyyy

HSTSRFAYDF DON'T CALL HIM A MANLET

Imagine Baki actually kills this kid HSJDYSSHCBT

Third comment with a ton of likes is "we do not condone child violence. We do, however, find it hilarious"

Chapter 3

AH SHUT UPPP KIDDO

But i like Baki memeing a round a lil

Chapter 4

🥺🥺 that's so sweet...

HELLOOOO STRYDUM MY GOD YOUR TITS GOT FATTER SIR 😳😳

Yujiro is such a fucking threat to society lmao

I love seeing Baki with his eyes open, he's looking more like his old self

Oh, shadow boxing incoming, alright

Chapter 5

Yuri? 🥺 /j

THE RETURN OF IRON MICHAEL?!

Chapter 6

I love how there's our silly little mains after every cover LUV em <33

Baki just dissociating his ass out and using it on his favor, the king

Why is Baki eating sour prunes aren't those meant to be sweet?

We all salivating

Chapter 7

Love to see there are even more swears there now

I can put my face next to my foot too tho

FAGDRJSEHARD YUJIRO CAN BEAT THE CANCER HOW ICONIC 😍

Also i would LOVE to see Yuji fight an Orca

WHAT?!

I love how everyone in the comments is calling out Rumina for not seeing issue going down to a dark hidden basement with a shirtless man older than him

Chapter 8

"piggy back me" USHSYFLFUDSY

This fight is going to be good

Chapter 9

Imagine Baki dies right here right know against an imaginary mantis lmao

Okay Baki getting damaged makes sense but the WALL?

Baki's dead (GOD IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE SAID THAT)

Ffs it's true Baki COULD create himself a stand 😰

Chapter 10

OH FUCK IT'S TRUE

Chapter 11

This fight is so boring i had to take a 6 hour break

Baki just can't win against nature eh

This reminds me of Garland pulling a suplex on that Anaconda

Chapter 12

I can't wait for the main cast to ACTUALLY appear, instead of just, you know, them in the covers

This fight is slow but cool but slow

To fight a mantis you must think like a mantis 😎

Though it's true in this manga you will most likely win if you steal your opponent techniques so

Chapter 13

I MISS IGARI FUCKKK

This is so dumb i luv it

That mantis be swearing lmao

Love it when Baki goes full Yujiro

Chapter 14

TOBA...

Holy fuck do mantis fly?

Secret Chapter?

Is this how Yujiro got born?

Idk girl i would have killed him if i was you

WHAT.

I KNOW THOSE FROGS THEY ARE FROM PUERTO RICO I THINK

I might just be sleepy but this is so confusing

AKSHSKGSKSGSJSG JUST KILL THE BABY IT AINT THAT HARD

Chapter 15

GAIA...

Why is he like this?

Is "he" with us right now?

...gotta admit that IS true...

I love Strydum sksgwhwg

Yujiro really went XD

I don't think my man Arun in the comments is aware how gay what he said is, though maybe I'm wrong

Chapter 16

GOD THESE FUCKING COVERS MAKING ME SO NOSTALGIC, LOOK AT SPEC!

ANIME KENNEDY?!

I can't believe Bush is dead

AN ASIAN BOY HAS JUST KIDNAPPED THE PRESIDENT...

8 of January? My god he's a Capricorn

I'm sorry, what?

LAHQIGWKQFWKSFWIWG 😭😭

I love Baki so much, THIS IS THE KID THAT I MISSED SO MUCH

This explains why Baki was in prison clothes in the anime teaser

Chapter 17

BIG NUMBER

That one mf like 😐

Glad Baki is 18 now at least 😌

Love to see Oliva back

Chapter 18

This page not even bothering to charge the pages anymore

I'm sure there were better ways to go to jail, well, actually, no, but still

Toba used to just chew that off

Baki did that mantis hit you in the head too hard?

I. I watched way too many prison movies and shows. I don't like seeing someone as young and pretty as Baki in such a place. I rlly don't.

Chapter 19

Yanagi baby i miss you...

IRON MICHAEL?!

Mfkhsjsys 😳🥴

Eh got my hopes too high

CHE BAKI PIBE... LA PUTA MADRE NI ACA ME ESCAPO DE MIS COMPATRIOTAS

I hope he swears too i want to see a boludo o pelotudo PLEASE

I mean para pelotudos lo veo a Yujiro todo el tiempo pero igual JSGWKEGWG me pone bien argento ver al Che carajo

Chapter 20

HE SAID BOLUDO SUAHWKWGAKSGSKSGSKGD

I can't take this omfg new fav I'm sorry Doppo but he just said boludo 😭

Pendejo is more used as pibe here but i will let it pass bc idk the lingo in Cuba and he spent some time there so

Why don't i speak like this too ffs? All i do is say eh and call it a day

He's cocky enough to call anybody any age pibe so I'll let that pass too

Por favor no lo hagas che sksgwj

Chapter 21

Che, pibe, it's a good day to die...

Chapter 22

GSHAGSTSG he should have said "no boludo"

I'm falling in love with this boludo myself

That's talented and brutal

OH RIGHT YOU LOSE YOUR BALANCE WHEN YOU DONT HAVE THAT

Chapter 23

Hm that's, cringe

YESSS HE SAID PELOTUDO

OAHWLGWKQFSKSGSJS SIII ROMPELO TODO CHE, ROMPELO TODO POR DECIRTE YANKEE KSGSSJGS

Honestly i too get pissed off when called American or European, though i won't throw shit to Baki, he's some random 18 yo japanese boy, no way he would recognize latinoamerican lingo lmao

King shit Baki boy

Chapter 24

Oh that's why he's called Jun Guevara, that's fair

I like how they are mixing a bit of truth and a bit of lie it's fun at least

Chapter 25

I like how they are drawing nipples now, occasionally

I can't wait for Viêt to complain about propaganda in the comments

OH SHIT

😳 :Y

He's sooo nice 😍

Chapter 26

Only three? You mean the third is... 👁️👁️

HAHA YEAH YUJI-CHAN <3

I can't believe he works for the USA I'm crying and shaking rn

What a progressive manga, the three strongest and most dangerous men and none of them are white 😍

GET HIS ASS BAKI

Chapter 27

Why is this guy sweating sm?

LDYDYSUGFUDT BAKI PLS

I like how the only time Baki was willing to kill a person was when he thought Sikorsky had hurt his girl

Chapter 28

I feel like Ian will die

Man i love how Baki is drawn in this book

Ffs i called it, i have watched way too many prison things to know how shit goes down

I have seen these three before in fanart but I'm curious to see what they can do

Chapter 29

Their faces remind me of Doyle

OH I CANT WAIT TO SEE EM IN THE ANIME

ASSHOLE DON'T CALL ME STUPID 😢💔

I'm gonna struggle to tell em apart but i think I'll manage

Okay I'm not the only one who thinks they look like Doyle, fair

Chapter 30

The mouth vs Yujiro when?

Someone mentioned the have the same vibe as the dudes that worked with Gaia and like 👁️👁️

Chapter 31

Lmao someone in the comments recommended the same thing

These three must be great at sex (sorry)

KSHALDHDKD NEW FAV COMMENT: "go to Japan and look for the word "defeat". That way you won't feel cocky anymore"

Chapter 32

Hehe hello Junnn~

KSHAKDHKWGS

La luna

Chapter 33

LOS TRES...

Okay that's funny, hocico instead of mouth (hocico is used for animal mouths)

I'm so glad i know Spanish

The two things that drive me insane and make me ramble are Doppo's beauty and this stupid argentinian

OSHSKWGSKSG

Chapter 34

Imagine he's doing that illusion thing Dorian did

With his own blood, that's so cool...

Hoho...!

I did that once when i had a terrible nose bleed, didn't go well

Chapter 35

This book is fucking boring NGL

"now that you got no more urine left in you"

AH.

GAHDYR LMAO

Chapter 36

HO THAT TITLE, PLEEEASE I NEED SOMETHING, ANYTHING, TO HAPPEN

HHH he kinda cute...

Oww :(

JDJSJFRGAJ

God piantao is an old word i had never heard it before

AND he took a piss.

LOCO NO SEAS HOMOFÓBICO NINGUNA MINA ACA ES MEJOR QUE ESTE PIBITO TE LO ASEGURO SKSGSKGSJAAGS

Se me cayó un ídolo y yo que le quería dar 😔

ÑSHWQLSGOSGDKW

Let's see if he lied to Baki about just liking eh /j

Chapter 37

I luv Oliva lol

AJSGSKSLAGHS BAKI SNAPPED

I too wonder where the fuck Kozue is

Chapter 38

LSHSLDGSLSGSIEG

He is jealous of what you two have, it's normal, el Che just rejected his love after all ;/

Oliva is a king

OH A HANKERCHIEF I THOUGHT THAT WAS UNDERWEAR SHSGS-

Oh shit Oliva is like 45?! He looked so young

Te fuiste a la mierda, Che, el chabón estaba siendo re bueno con vos

Baki is just dead

Chapter 39

I love how realistic Che's fear is, he's rather smart, though not this time

POOR GUY AJSGSWJW

I didn't realize Che said "what more, it may be a woman!" but to be fair they ARE in jail so

Chapter 40

I'm feeling kinda bad for him ngl

I feel happy for him tho 🥺

Bruh they added one page after the ending of some naked anime girl tf 😐

Chapter 41

These prisoners having fun is kinda sweet

YO INSANE

Bitches be complaining about Maria's looks are just jealous 🥰

Chapter 42

Damn she lorge

He loves fighting naked eh

Only valid person is the one saying Oliva deserves better treatment which tbh true

Chapter 43

Fun fact i wear my jacket like El Che too, unless it's too cold

El che with the hair lose is so cute bro,,,

Something something fingering joke

Sikorski could fold a coin too

I bet the bandana will break

Chapter 44

I would have just fallen on top of him, how is he gonna counter that, eh?

Oh that super fun to know!

Oh the good ol dirty technique, i have seen this one before!

Chapter 45

NOOO MARIA DON'T DO THIS TO HIM

This fight is super cool tho i love these two characters

Chapter 46

They just keep changing the rules i think Itagaki is just flexing at this point

LAAOSFKAGSKAGSKAF???

Baki wants his protagonism back

I'm getting pissed off they keep putting semi naked underaged girls at the end of every chapter 😐

Chapter 47

Bruh just realized, the mouth got so hyped as this new cool villain and they died in their first appearance 😭

His damn bandana...

#luly talks #i hit character limit already waaa :(#but I'm too into this to stop reading lol #btg #this saga is a bit boring but el che is funny :)#baki liveblog

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an-infinity-of-possibilities · 2 years

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My job has been kicking my ass for the last three months. Ive been asking for less hours because I am completely exhausted and with school (I have 22 hours of class)... Working 25hours plus at the job was just too much. They never gave me less. Actually they gave me more.

My depression has gotten worse and so has my anxiety. I feel so numb all the time. Like nothing matters. And yet the littlest thing will set me off. I've been having 3-5 panic attacks everyday. I just can't or couldn't anymore. I've been telling them how I felt but as usual... I'm only a poor part time employee so.... What do they care right?

I received my schedule for the holidays yesterday. When I saw it I just started crying. Not only am I working 48 hours each week but to top it off I'm working night shifts until the 26 with my sole day off on the 25. But on the 26 I'm working the day shift. So... Basically with that scheduled they just announced to me that I would be spending the holidays on my own... As if I weren't depressed enough.

I called them to see if they could at least give two days off back to back in those two weeks. Just so I could try to see my family. They told me and I quote " we were already nice enough to give you the 25th". Well sorry but if that's how you see it you might as well have made me cause one day of break, no sorry not even 24 hours, isn't "nice". They told me there really wasn't anything they could do. I ended hanging up on them.

I like to think I am kind and nice and patient. But I spent most of my day yesterday crying and having panic attacks. To a point my teachers came to me and told me to go home. So yeah I hate that I hung up. I hate the way I feel.i hate that according to my job ? My holidays aren't worth it. So... I sent them my resignation letter. No notice.

Which isn't professional. And I hate it. But I'm trying to prioritize my mental health. I'm tired of the anxiety. And I need to see people that aren't job nor school. I don't even remember the last time I saw my sister. Or my grandparents or my uncle. I've been prioritizing work for months. My mental health taking all the damage because the pay is good and I do adore my colleague. And I know I am selfish for not even giving the holidays but I honestly think I wouldn't have made it through if I hadn't resign.

Anyways. I have no idea why I'm writing this on the internet. I am sure I'll receive backslash. And I'll probably agree with them. It really isn't professional and it ain't nice for my coworkers.... I just... I can't anymore. So yeah. Idk why I'm writing this

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randomfandominserts · 4 years

Text

urs by NIKI - Oikawa Tooru x Reader

Playlist Series: Link

Urs by NIKI

Lyrics: “Trynna find where your head is, but I’m losing myself in the process

You’re bad for my health, all the good nights

Are they hidden goodbyes in disguise? I never know

You come see me only when I ask first

When you kiss me, do you wish it were her?

The best at being the worst

But fuck’s sake, I’m already yours.”

Warnings: Mentions of sex, language, angst, idk

Word Count: 3.2k

Saturday

Oikawa Tooru was beautiful. His hair was mussed from the relentless tugging you had just exposed it to, his face slightly flushed. It took all of your willpower to tear your gaze from his face when he turned back to look at you. You knew he’d be weirded out, you couldn’t stare at him like you were in love. That’s not what this was supposed to be.

He finished tugging on his shirt and held out a hand to you. No - not a hand. It was just your top. “Here,” he said, dropping it on your lap when you didn’t reach out fast enough. “I have to go to practice in an hour, and I wanted to grab something to eat first.” You pulled your shirt over your head at an agonizingly slow pace. He was kicking you out, of course he was. But you wanted to savor the moment, the sight of him slightly disheveled and the smell of him and the close proximity and- “Thanks for coming over though, (Y/N).” He gave you that smile - it was faked and forced but God, you loved his smile - before stepping away from the bed you were still seated on.

“No problem.” You stood, finally, and moved to pick up your bag and keys. “You don’t usually practice on the weekends. Do you have a game next week?” He shrugged, too consumed with sorting through his volleyball bag to pay any more attention to you.

“A couple practice matches, and a game on Friday.”

“Right.” He was done with you. “I’ll head out now. Have a good time at practice. Say ‘hi’ to Iwa for me?”

“Sure, sure.” He waved you goodbye - or maybe he was waving you away. Whichever, you shot him one last smile - not that he was looking at you to see it - and headed out.

It hadn’t always been like this between you two, at least not in private. You used to be friends, and you would talk and laugh and spend time together like any other pair of pals. Somewhere along the way, you both decided to try being friends with benefits. That’s what ruined it for you. Suddenly Oikawa was detached unless you were fucking, and you were so incredibly attached that it was embarrassing. No one noticed much of a change, because with your friends you were mostly still the bubbly, goofy pair that you had always been. But getting to see the Oikawa you loved when you were alone was limited to the times you were being intimate.

Sunday

It was an incredibly boring afternoon. You were already finished with all of your homework and wanted nothing more than to relax with a couple of friends. Unfortunately for you, most of your usual Sunday squad had already said they were busy. You were left with one option, one that wasn’t unwelcome but was awkward all the same. It had been ages since you and Oikawa had spent time together that wasn’t for, well, pleasure purposes, so you weren’t sure how the invite would go over, but you decided to give it a try despite that.

~Tooruuuu

There was no immediate response. Not even a semi-quick one, not like usual. Hmm. Maybe he hadn’t seen it? You decided to send another text, just in case.

~I’m bored

~Wanna have a movie day? I have snacks and Netflix :))

It was read immediately but was left unresponded to for about 5 minutes.

~busy today, sorry :(

~Oh, okay </3 Have fun!

~u too

Had he always been such a slow, dry texter? You sighed and tossed your phone aside. Guess it would be a solo movie night tonight.

Monday

Everyone was laughing, but you simply bit into your sandwich without glancing at the storyteller. Oikawa was retelling the story of how he met some girl Saturday night after practice. “She was beautiful, and I made a fool of myself!” he whined, while the surrounding third years jeered and laughed and teased. You weren’t in the mood for all that. You didn’t care that he got her number or that she was “the prettiest girl” he’s ever seen (and yes, that is a direct quote). You didn’t care that she was texting him right at that moment, or that she apparently went to Aoba Johsai with you guys. You especially didn’t care about how much fun they had yesterday at the park while you were alone in your room, or how she was smart and beautiful and perfect. You simply did not care in the slightest.

You felt a nudge in your ribs, and you glanced over to see Iwaizumi looking at you. “You good?” he asked quietly. How considerate of him, to quietly get in your business rather than let the whole table in on it. He didn’t know about the friends with benefits situation, why would he? So you sighed and shrugged, averting your attention back to your sandwich.

“Don’t really care about Tooru’s hot date, is all.” Luckily for you, Iwa didn’t press the matter. He let out a small hum, a minute sign of understanding, before turning back to the laughing group around you. He probably had some suspicions. Maybe you’d text him about it later, maybe call to explain your sour mood, but for now, you were happy to let it be. Now wasn’t the time to tell him about you and Oikawa’s arrangement.

Later that night, you sat alone in your room. You were bored and lonely and, despite all the qualms you held about it, you missed Oikawa dearly. It took only a couple of seconds to glance at your phone and realize practice was probably over, so you pushed aside your pride and opened up your messaging app.

~Hey

~Practice over? :)

And you waited. You waited and waited and waited until finally, 1 hour and 37 minutes later, you got a response.

~yeah

~what’s up?

~Wanna come over? Home alone and I’m bored ;p

It was almost ridiculous how quickly you texted back, especially since he took another 23 minutes to send his simple response.

~ok

~be over in 15

He took 26 minutes to get to your house, not 15, but at least he came. The time was spent as it usually was, with him peppering your skin with little kisses and him singing your praises while you melted like putty in his hands. It felt intimate and wonderful, but it also felt like only a moment, and you found yourself watching Oikawa pull on his clothes much too soon. You stayed planted on your bed, wanting nothing more than to curl up under your fluffy comforter with Oikawa by your side.

“Something wrong?” He was calling out to you from across the room, having noticed your frozen state. Of course he had noticed, he was one of the most perceptive people you knew. But you didn’t give in and only shook your head in response.

“No, just sleepy. You really know how to tire me out, huh?” You tried to smile and laugh, you tried to mask the lies. You knew he could see right through it, but he didn’t say anything else. Instead, he glanced down at his phone which had just given a little ‘beep.’ The corners of his lips twitched upwards as he tapped away at the screen. Immediately. “Who’s that?”

“You know the girl I met the other night? She invited me and the guys to this bakery she knows, as a late-night snack.” He was smiling fully now, completely occupied by the texts that were pouring in. Beep, beep, beep. It took a moment before he finally put it down and looked back at you. “I’m sure you can come too. If you want.”

“No, that’s okay. I’m tired, remember? I’m probably going to go to sleep.”

“Okay. Good, I’m gonna go then.” He tugged on his jacket and laced up his shoes. “Bye!”

“Goodnight,” you said weakly. Reluctantly.

“Yeah, goodnight.” It sounded so forced, but you didn’t bring it up. You simply curled under your blankets and waited until you heard your front door slam before falling asleep.

Tuesday

“Here.” Iwaizumi placed a small wrapped pastry in your outstretched hands. It was warm, like it had just been heated up, and it smelled lovely. It was early in the morning, just before classes were to start, and you hadn’t eaten yet. Iwaizumi was basically your savior.

“Thanks, Hajime.” You unwrapped the treat, eager to see what was inside. It was a small blueberry scone, which made you smile. “You didn’t bake, did you?” You faked disbelief, shaking your head with a laugh. “What if you poisoned it?”

“I got it from a bakery last night, idiot.” He tapped you on the shoulder, friendly and gentle, but hearing where he got it immediately caused a shift in your attitude.

“With Oikawa?” Iwaizumi was hesitant to answer, as he was hyperaware of the shift that had just occurred.

“...Yeah.” No longer in the mood to joke around, you simply lifted the treat to your lips and ate it in small nibbles. It was, unfortunately, delicious. You didn’t want to give this mysterious girl any credit but damn did she know a good bakery. “What’s going on with you two?” You shrugged, using the scone as an excuse to keep from speaking, but Iwa was too smart for his own good. He saw what you were doing and took back the pastry he had just gifted you. You gave him a small sigh.

“Nothing’s going on with us. Not really.” Iwaizumi was giving you a look that told you he didn’t believe you for 1 second. You sighed again, not wanting to crack, but having someone to talk to would be nice, wouldn’t it? “Honestly, Iwa? We fuck sometimes. But he’s so disconnected it hardly feels like anything more than a step backward.” Your friend gave no visible reaction to your confession. It was like he wasn’t surprised at all. But instead of teasing you or saying ‘I told you so’ he let you continue. “And now there’s that girl, you know, the ‘prettiest girl in the world’ or whatever. And I know it’s just a crush, but I don’t know, what if I’m losing him? I bet the whole time we were together last night he was thinking about her.”

“They just met.” He was trying to comfort you, in his own way. But it fell on deaf ears.

“Whatever. I have to get to class.” You gathered your items off the floor and headed off down the hall. “Thanks for the scone.”

Iwaizumi sent you a million (AKA two) texts that night after their practice match, trying to talk to you about the Oikawa situation. Unfortunately for him, you were too busy breaking your own heart (AKA having sex with Oikawa) to text back anything helpful. And, unfortunately for you, Oikawa received a call from his new girl crush in the middle of the act and had to cut it short.

“Sorry, (Y/N)!” he said, putting on his best puppy dog face, “She’s lost! I need to go rescue her!”

“Right.” You were frustrated, cold, empty without him. But he was already tugging on his shoes and dialing her number on his phone.

“I can’t leave a lady stranded!” he was saying, so proud of himself and happy that he could run off and rescue this mysterious maiden. You could almost laugh. He was leaving you naked and cold, he was stranding you to go find this girl who couldn’t even make her way around the city she lived in. He was on the phone with her by the time he was out the door, laughing and smiling and leaving you feeling almost sick. Maybe instead of a laugh, you would cry.

You pulled out your phone, finally needing the advice that Iwaizumi was itching to give you.

~Should I end this thing?

~What do you think?

~How helpful.

Wednesday

You were, once again, sitting at lunch and angrily munching on your meal while everyone around you laughed and enjoyed their time. The topic of conversation was, once again, Oikawa’s beautiful new girl friend. Not ‘girlfriend’ yet, but you were sure that’s where they were headed. How annoying.

Iwa sat beside you like usual, and he made sure to glance over in your direction every time Oikawa mentioned his crush. You’d think his concern was sweet, if it wasn’t for the fact that Oikawa quickly noticed that you were the subject of his friend’s constant looks and asked if you were alright. It took everything in you to not scream or hit Iwaizumi or lash out at Oikawa. Instead, after a deep breath, you plastered a smile on your face and turned to Oikawa.

“I’m fine,” you said, “Just tired.” Though you were sure it was obvious that you were lying - your fake smile wasn’t nearly as convincing as Oikawa’s - no one said a thing. Oikawa went back to his story - him and his girl had a movie night yesterday after he helped her get home, how cute - and you went back to stabbing your salad aggressively.

You were pulled aside following the meal. Iwaizumi stood, arms crossed and face stern, ready to tell you what you needed to hear (though, it definitely wasn’t going to be what you wanted to hear).

“I know that you like him,” he started.

“Love,” you corrected. He ignored you.

“But trust me when I say he’s not oblivious. And you’re not subtle.” You sighed, crossing your arms to match your friend’s stance.

“So? What am I supposed to do about it?”

“If you don’t want to lose him? Tell him the truth.” Iwaizumi walked off, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You didn’t text Oikawa that night. He didn’t text you either.

Thursday

You laughed at lunch, but only because Oikawa was off doing who-knows-what with his little crush. They had a lunch date or something, who knows. He squeezed in time to see her whenever he could (or at least that’s what you gathered from his teammates). He was even inviting her to practice.

He never did that with you.

Friday

You weren’t sure what possessed you to attend the team’s game.

You never come to these things. It was loud and hot and you could hardly push your way past the crowd of Seijoh fans that were packed into the gym. Looks like everyone had the same idea as you and came early enough to see the team’s individual warm-ups.

Because the other team had yet to arrive and start their warm-ups you were able to slip down to the court fairly easily. You just wanted to say hi to your friends and wish them luck before the game started. You also had a little treat stuffed in your pocket: some of Oikawa’s favorite candy in a little good-luck baggie. Maybe if you could get him alone you would give him the gift and tell him what you’d been thinking about for the past week (in your head you imagined it would likely go something like ‘I’m in love with you, Tooru, and I want to be with you!’ Very dramatic and romantic).

After spotting Oikawa’s head peeking up over the crowd of players, you began to make your way in his direction. How lucky, he wasn’t even practicing yet. You were determined to catch him before he got into his game mode, but you were suddenly stopped by a firm hand on your arm. Iwa had caught your arm and held you in place, keeping you from your mission of finally confessing to Oikawa. You turned to glare at Iwa, to give him a piece of your mind, but he only shook his head at you.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see To- uh, to support the team.” Smooth.

He dropped your arm and quickly - nervously?- glanced over your shoulder before averting his gaze right back to you. Maybe he hadn’t meant for you to see, but you noticed anyway. You turned your head slightly, just in time to see most of the team had moved out of your line of sight to expose Oikawa and - no way.

He was bending down and kissing her, right there, for everyone to see. For you and Iwaizumi and the rival team and Oikawa’s fangirls and the entire crowd and everyone to see.

“Oh.” You turned back to Iwaizumi, whose expression was unreadable. “I, uh, I didn’t know they were actually, uh, dating.” You tried to laugh, like it was some kind of funny joke. “Didn’t they meet a week ago? This is kinda fast, huh?”

“(Y/N)...” Iwa looked like he wanted to say more, but there was a quick whistle ‘toot’ that called his attention. His team started to make their way to the court for the official warm-ups.

“Hey, don’t mind me. Go play!” You were smiling - God, how were you smiling? - and you shooed him off to the court. “Have a good game!” He looked torn but still shuffled over to join his team. You were ushered into the stands and ended up next to Oikawa’s crush. No, wait, girlfriend. How wonderful.

You stayed for the entire game. Maybe because you felt it would be a waste to go. Maybe because you wanted to support the team. Maybe because you didn’t know what else to do with yourself at that moment. Whichever the case, you suffered through the game for no reason. There was no one waiting for you when it ended. There was nothing to say.

Once you got home, it took everything in you to muster up the courage to shoot a simple text Oikawa’s way.

~I went to your game today! You played great :)

By now you were expecting a reply an hour later, if at all. So it came as a shock when a new text popped up on your phone not even 5 minutes later.

~I’m sorry, (Y/N), I think we should stop talking.

You turned off your phone.

Thursday

You and Oikawa were just friends again. Maybe that’s why things felt so normal between you two. You could laugh and talk and joke without having to worry about anyone finding out your secret. Unfortunately for you, being friends with Oikawa was what made you fall in love with him in the first place.

Lunch was different now. His girlfriend always sat with you, taking up the tiny spot that used to sit empty next to Oikawa. She was funny, you guess, but it ruined the flow of the conversations sometimes. It felt forced to you, she felt out of place. But maybe that was just your jealousy talking, because no one else acted like anything was different at all.

And maybe you were ridiculous, but you were still in love with him. Maybe it was easier to be in love when you didn’t have to pretend that you weren’t attached. Maybe it was easier to hide it when you didn’t have any alone time anymore. Were you happier this way? Who knows. You missed everything about him. You missed the way he touched you and the feeling of him against your skin. You missed his voice and you missed the way he held you. But you could accept it. It was better this way, right? Besides, he looked so happy with his new girlfriend. Who would want to ruin that?

But, fuck, you wished more than anything that you could get up in his face and tell him, “I’m yours.”

#oikawa x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#Haikyuu x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa tooru x reader #hq imagine #hq x reader #oikawa #oikawa imagine #haikyuu imagine #reader insert

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 34

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: okay sooo idk how i feel about the chapter BUT! i added a link with pictures of the characters and it took me over 2 hours to do that so if you could comment or at least look at it, it would mean a lot to me! (scroll down for the link, you cant miss it)

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : two but its pretty much the same thing :) i mean he doesnt get ‘angry’ tho but i hope its still what you wanted :)

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 34 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

March 30th, 2018

I had no idea who Niall had invited but before we walked in the bar, I moved closer to him and got up on my tiptoe to look in his eyes, both of us now hidden by his cap. His lips curled as his eyes roamed on my face and I pressed my lips together. I was a bit stressed to meet some people from school after so long but if I wanted to be honest, being away from the crowds and the paps seemed like amazing time off to me and I was pretty sure Niall felt the same.

"No kissing, no hold hands, no cuddles." I pointed out with a grimace. "It's gonna be a long evening."

"Okay, first off, you can cuddle me, they're used to it. Second of, can I remind you that it's your rule? If you want, we can definitely tell them we're together but keeping low profile." he pointed out, raising his eyebrows as he waited for my answer.

I wanted to. I really fucking wanted to, and I could feel my heartbeats accelerate the longer we looked at each other. I licked my lips and smiled before shaking my head. I couldn't make a decision and it was driving me insane.

"We'll just... see how it goes." I finally let out before sighing and getting back down on my feet.

"I'll follow your lead, petal."

His words made my lips curl and I nodded slowly before he turned around and walked in. It felt amazing to know I had my say in all of this. A lot of times, when we were dating and even before, I felt like Niall lead me the way he thought was right and I just followed without a word. Perhaps, he had matured, or maybe he was always like that but he just took the lead because I didn't. Either way, it was refreshing and it made me feel important.

I followed him inside and a familiar face seemed to illuminate in the back of the bar. The smell reminded me of my teenage years and somehow, I suddenly relaxed despite the people I had just noticed.

"Zara?" I let out with a frown before Niall bent closer to me.

"I called her, thought you may want to see her." he whispered before walking closer to the table.

"Olivia!"

Zara jumped out of her chair and ran to me, wrapping her arms around my neck so tight I could barely breathe anymore. She started jumping quickly up and down, bringing me in her wave and I laughed as I hugged her back. Despite everything that had happened to me in my childhood and teenage years, Zara was the only one I trusted completely besides Niall. I had a few friends and we all hung out together but Zara was the one I was the closest to, the one I told almost everything to, except maybe the fact that I had always been in love with Niall. That, I hadn't told anyone and even now, I wondered how the hell I succeeded to keep that secret to myself for two decades.

"I haven't seen you in so long!" she added, hugging me even tighter before her embrace loosened and she pulled away to look in my eyes. "Still can't believe you followed that eejit to London. Why?"

She was very expressive and the facial expression she was sending me made me laugh.

"You know me, can't be away from his dumb face for too long."

Her lips curled into an amused smile and she pulled me to the bar, ordering beers before tilting her head and staring at me some more. I frowned and waited, knowing that a question was coming.

"You two dated a few years ago yea?" she raised her eyebrows as I nodded. "Okay now let's talk about the real shit. How does he fuck?"

My eyes got bigger and I chuckled, shaking my head. "Z!"

"No no, hear me out!" she continued, bending down closer to me. "Remember when Michelle, Lisa, Megan and I would get mad at you for ditching us for him?" she let out with a chin movement towards Niall.

I couldn't help but glance at him. He was sitting with a few people I recognized but I just licked my lips and turned back to my friend, shaking my head. "I didn't dit-"

"Oh you did. All the time." she cut me, making me raise my nose up in a grimace. "Well we always spent at least half an hour talking about you two and with the years, the conversations became... you know. I mean he grew up and," she paused and leaned back to take a look at him before looking back at me. "He's... he's hot."

I started laughing, shaking my head slightly at her enthusiasm.

"Niall was always hot." I pointed out, making her roll her eyes.

"You... it's different. I mean, I know you always said you didn't have feelings for him but girl, I know you better than that." she explained, making my heart literally stop beating. "Anyway, that's beside the point. So we did talk about the size of his cock and the way he fucked and we all had theories. I think it's time you reveal the truth."

"Forget it." I laughed, shaking my head.

"Why does it matter, you two broke up a million years ago!" her face suddenly changed and her lips parted as she moved closer. "You whore, you’re still dating him?"

"Zara!"

She raised both of her hands up and closed her eyes. "Alright alright, none of my business." she chuckled, opening her eyes again, her smile turning into a fond one. "I really hope for you, though. I know how much you love him. I can see it in your eyes."

I held my breath as she grabbed two beers, letting me take the two others and we walked slowly to the table.

"Don't be surprised okay? Ava is here. I know she's not your fave person but just pretend she's funny. Or interesting. Or ignore her, that's what I do."

I laughed again but my heart dropped in my chest when I noticed Ava, leaning against Niall as they were both laughing. I started thinking about that time I caught him masturbating in his room when he was 13, and how a few years later, he had admitted he was jerking off thinking about her. The whole thing made me swallow hard and I held the mugs tighter in my hands before placing them on the table. Most people looked up and when I noticed Rian, my eyes got bigger and I chuckled low.

"Wow, hey! What are you doing here?"

He got up and kissed my cheeks gently as I did the same before shaking my head. The last time I had seen Rian was when Niall and I went ice skating together when we were dating. Niall had shown a bit of jealousy back then and even if I knew I shouldn't, i really liked it. Of course, I had dated Rian for a few months and he was the first guy I ever slept with, but Niall seemed to forget that the reason I gave in to Rian after so many years was because he had lost his virginity to someone who wasn't me. It had hurt me so much that just thinking about it made it impossible not to swallow the lump in my throat.

"He's coming to visit me." Ava said, her hand on Niall's thigh to hold herself as she moved closer to me. "We have a thing going on."

Rian rolled his eyes with a smile and shook his head slightly before shrugging. "Just trying to see if it could work." he explained before talking lower. "I'm not moving back here though, there's no way."

I let out a louder laugh and nodded. "Yea, I'm not moving back here either."

The truth was, I didn't want to move back here mostly because I didn't really know anyone anymore. My parents were back in France, many of my friends had moved away and Niall... well, Niall was the person I wanted to follow. Or more, Niall was the person I wanted to be with. I didn't have to follow him, like he said. We could just take decisions together.

"Come on, petal, sit down."

Niall's voice reached my ear and I smiled, sitting next to him as he squirmed a bit on his chair to move forward, leaning his arms on the table and getting away from Ava's touch. I felt suddenly relieved and he sent me a smile. I felt his knee hit gently against mine under the table and my lips curled more.

"So what's up between you two?" Rian asked after sitting next to me. "Last time I saw you, you were together, then we all read in extremely reliable online articles that you two split and Niall was dating that actress or singer? What's her face? And Liv was getting married to an hollywood actor. This is some crazy shit, mates."

"I'm... not dating Heidi anymore." Niall pointed out, pressing his lips together in an awkward smile.

"And I called the wedding off and broke up with Dylan."

Everyone stared at us and Zara chuckled slightly after half a minute, shaking her head. "Wow. You guys need more drinks."

We started drinking and talking and after a few hours, I was starting to be tipsy. I walked to the bar to get more pints and while waiting, I leaned on the counter to stare at Niall. He was laughing with our old friends and I was suddenly thrown back to when we were younger and would hang out all together. I could pretend life was easy back then but it would be a lie. I had to admit, though, that everything changed when Niall left, and I do mean everything.

My lips curled on the left when I watched him throw his head back. I could hear his laughter even from where I was and something jumped inside me at the sight. I already knew, but once again, it hit me how much I loved him and how i'd never be over him. I didn't want to be over him anyway. I wanted to be with him.

"Having a good time?"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise before turning to the voice with a smile before looking at Niall again and finally putting my attention back on Rian.

"Mmhm, and you?"

I was getting so tipsy that I had a hard time hiding my attraction for Niall. I knew my eyes were probably betraying me but I was at that point where I didn't give a fuck anymore. A few more people we knew had joined us and we were all getting a bit drunk but when I turned around and smiled to Rian again, I noticed he was way past that stage. He sent me a small smirk and bent down closer, making me move back instinctively.

"You know you were my first fuck." he pointed out, making me chuckle low.

"Yea you were my first fuck too."

"You ever wonder what it would feel like more than a decade later?" he whispered after bending down more.

My lips parted and I glanced at him, standing up and shaking my head. "Honestly, no."

"Come on." he slurred as I pressed my lips together. "Just one time. I never really understood why you broke up with me, y'know?"

I looked up at him, feeling uneasy, and swallowed hard. I didn't want to cause a scene and I knew he was drunk but at the same time, I had no fucking idea what he was thinking at that exact moment. I knew he thought I was single, which I was... sort of, but I had the feeling he would insist even if I was officially taken.

"I just didn't have those feelings for you, that's why." I pointed out.

It was true and at the same time, it was also because I couldn't take Niall out of my mind. I felt his arm slither around my waist and pushed him away gently but firmly, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Two things. One, you're drunk and two, I'm not interested. It's been years, Rian, we both moved on." I pointed out. "Besides, aren't you with Ava now?"

"Ava and I have an agreement. Until we're official, we can fuck whoever we want. That's why she's all over your ex boyfriend."

My lips parted again and my heartbeats accelerated. I turned to look at Niall but for some reason, he had switched seat with me, leaving a free chair between him and Ava and I sighed of relief without thinking.

"That's why you said no to me for so long before agreeing to date me, right? That's also why you broke up with me isn't it?"

I turned back to him, noticing he had moved closer again. "What?"

"Him. Him and his fucking stupid angel face. You've always wanted him and he never fucking wanted you. The only time he dated you he fucking left you to be a famous little shit and now you're still looking at him like he's some sort of god."

"Shut up, you're pissed." I said low enough, getting suddenly angry.

"Still. You know i'm right." he added, sending me a small smile. "Come on, I'll make you cum so hard."

I felt Rian's hand on my breasts and this time, I pushed him harder as my heart seemed to stop.

"I said no!"

I felt my whole body on fire as I stared at him but he moved closer and grabbed the back of my head, pulling me against him to kiss me. This time, I started hitting his chest hard to push him away and I heard a chair scratch against the wood floor before falling down. It took about half a second for Niall to be between Rian and I, pushing him hard enough to make him back away a few feet.

"She said no."

"Oh yea, mister perfect is there again to save the day!" Rian let out a bit too loud in a sarcastic tone. "Same as you were back then. Always there to be the perfect 'best friend'." he laughed, doing quotation marks with his fingers on the last two words.

"Rian, don't go too far." Niall only replied, shaking his head slightly.

"She's not yours, anymore, Horan! So let it go!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

I took a step back, surprised by how well Niall could keep calm and glanced at our table to see all of our friends watching the show. It was not really how I imagined my night.

"You're a fuckin' asshole and I've always hated you, ya know that?"

"I'm very aware." Niall sighed. "But she said she was not interested, so keep your feckin' hands in your pockets."

"Or what?" Rian yelled, this time. "Or WHAT?"

"Rian, stop!"

We all turned to Ava who was frowning and Rian scoffed, shaking his head. "You stay out of this." he turned to Niall. "And you!" he grabbed him by his shirt and my heart sank in my chest as I moved closer, grabbing Rian's arm and trying to push him back.

"Please, stop!" I let out, suddenly panicked.

Niall didn't send me a glance and kept looking at Rian, "Liv, move back. Please Liv."

It took me a few seconds and I did as he asked just when Rian started talking again.

"She's not your girlfriend." he repeated. "So mind your own fuckin' business!"

"But I still love her." Niall admitted louder, making my lips part and my whole body throb. "I'm still in love with her. And I'm not gonna let you touch her, not without her consent."

Everything happened a bit too fast for me to react and I barely saw Rian let go of Niall to throw his fist at him. Gladly, he was totally hammered and Niall easily dodged his hit before throwing his own first on Rian's jaw. My eyes got bigger as Rian fell on the floor and I finally closed them, bringing both my hands on my face.

"MATES!"

I remained motionless, eyes closed and silent, until I felt someone pull me out and I only opened my eyes again when I felt the fresh air hit the skin of my face. It was a bit cold and I shivered, bringing my arms around myself before I felt someone wrap theirs around me from behind.

"Hey, you okay?" I didn't have to hear his voice, I immediately recognized Niall from the way he was touching me, and the way he smelled. God he smelled amazing. "I'm sorry about all this."

I shook my head and sighed. "Let's leave, okay?"

I noticed Ava and two other guys try to put Rian on the backseat of a car and Zara quickly ran to me, raising her nose up and placing her hand on my arm.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, tilting her head, before I nodded. "I'll message you, okay? And if you invite me to Cali, I'd love to visit!"

I chuckled and nodded. "We can definitely plan that."

She glanced up at Niall and tried to stop a smirk from gracing her face without much success.

"Have fun you two." she just chuckled. "I'm rooting for you."

I laughed and closed my eyes again, a bit embarrassed but quickly, Niall moved away and reached for my fingers. I let him take my hand in his and we walked in silence. I knew where he was taking me but I didn't mention it and when we sat in the grass, I moved my legs over his thighs and felt his hand on mine, warming me. It was cold and I knew we wouldn't last too long outside but I enjoyed being close to him in silence. It took at least 20 minutes for Niall to talk again and hearing his voice made something stir in my stomach.

"I'm sorry." he said in a low tone, looking down at his hand on my thigh as he gently brushed his fingertips on my pants. "I don't know why I did that. But he had his hand on your breasts and I suddenly wanted to kill him."

I stared at him for a few seconds without talking and waiting for him to look up but he didn't. I pressed my lips together and placed my hand over his, grabbing his fingers and squeezing them.

"Thank you for defending me." I just replied, making him nod slightly. "You were so laid-back, I didn't expect you to throw your fist at him. You don't need to apologize."

He looked up at me and sent me a fond smile as I bit my bottom lip. Slowly, I moved closer and kissed him gently. I could feel my head spinning from all the alcohol in my body and when he deepened the kiss, I felt my eyes flutter behind my eyelids.

"I'm sorry." I whispered against his mouth. "I should have told our friends we were together. It would have spared a few problems."

"Not your fault. It's entirely his fault. He shouldn't have touched you after you said no, whether you were taken or not. He's an asshole and he deserved a good punch. I'm just happy I'm the one who gave him." he confessed, making me chuckle. "I can't believe he did that."

"Well he was seeing the way I was looking at you apparently. And he probably saw how Ava was all over you, too. Must have been hard for him to be rejected twice in the same night. I've rejected him a lot, too."

"Still not an excuse." Niall whispered, kissing my lips very gently.

"I know."

"Don't defend him, he's an arsehole."

"I know."

We remained silent again as we kissed some more. I felt his hand move up on me and slip between my thighs, the side of one of his fingers pressing on my pussy. I whimpered very low and chuckled.

"It's way too cold to fuck here."

"I know." he groaned. "I just can't believe we have to sleep at my mom's. Every single time we come visit you don't want to let me fuck you."

The way he pouted and his childish tone made a laugh boom out of me and I finally leaned my forehead against his and brought my hand to his cheek.

"I'll let you tomorrow morning, but only if you agree to do something tonight that I've always wanted to do."

He frowned and pulled away to stare at me suspiciously. "I want to ask if I'll regret it but if you let me cum inside you tomorrow then I'm ready for anything."

I laughed again and kissed him with a smile. It felt so great to be wanted even if most of the time, It also felt surreal. We walked back to his mom's and it was extremely late when he tried to find the right keys to walk inside before realizing the door was not locked. We both laughed as we walked inside, and it made me realize we were both still quite tipsy. We walked slowly, trying to remain silent without much success and when he bumped into the table, we both laughed. He pulled me closer and started kissing me hard, sticking his tongue on my mouth only to turn me on, I suspected. His normal taste was altered with the taste of beer but I loved it and I moaned low in his mouth. I couldn't remember how we ended up on the roof but I stared up at the sky, tilting my head with a smile.

"That's really all you wanted?" he asked after a while. "Watch the stars like we used to do on the roof of your house?"

I kept looking up at the indigo sky and pressed my lips together before licking them.

"We used to do that all the time, just you and I, and I remember wishing you would kiss me every single time. That's why we're here. I want to kiss you while we watch the stars together."

Niall chuckled low. "You're so cheesy. I blame you for my romantic side."

I turned to send him a big smile. "You're welcome."

His lips curled into a fond and loving grin and I bit my bottom lip.

"I will kiss you anywhere you want. Any time you want. For any reason you can think of, or for no reason at all except that I love you."

I felt my heart melt in my chest and breathed in, trying to keep my tears in. He was leaning on his side to look at me, holding himself with one of his elbows and arms, and suddenly, I could see the adorable 14 year old he used to be, with his blonde hair and his crooked teeth. I felt my heart swell and my eyes watered, letting a tear fall on one of my cheeks as I sniffed. Was I really going to push away this man out of fear? Was that a good way to live life anyway? To stop myself from being happy in fear of being hurt again? It was ridiculous.

"We will be together, Niall."

He frowned slightly and moved his upper body closer. "What?"

"If you still want of me..." I repeated before breathing in deeply. "if you still want to be with me.. really be with me. Officially. It will happen."

"I'll always want that Olivia." he simply replied but I could hear surprise and happiness in his voice and when I looked up at him, his eyes seemed to sparkle. They shined even more than they did at the bar when he was drunk and it made my heart jump in my chest. Perhaps, it was only the reflection of the lights of the streets, or maybe I was hallucinating it... but I didn't think so. He seemed genuinely excited by my words.

"I just need more time. But it will happen." I explained more. "I'll never be able to live without you anyway. And I don't want to. I don't want to live without you, Niall."

His lips curled into the biggest smile and he chuckled, moving closer and sliding his hand behind my head. I could feel his fingers sink in my hair as he pulled me closer.

"Best news of the day. It beats everything else." he let out low. "Now, I'm going to kiss you beneath the stars until you're too tired to keep your eyes open."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam

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sadclearance · 3 years

Text

the show must go on

pairing: sayaka maizono x female! dying! reader

summary: sayaka's dreamt of touring her whole life, and she can't wait for y/n to finally be able to watch her perform.

category: fluff, angst

warning(s): implied/referenced natural death

word count: 1398

key:

italicized - writing

"and then celestia got super mad at hifumi!" sayaka giggles as she recalls the events of today's class.

y/n laughs with her because sayaka's laugh has always been sweetly contagious, but the fit of laughter turns into a fit of coughs, and y/n has to weakly turn her body away from sayaka the best she can so that it doesn't get on her.

"i'm sorry," y/n says after she finally regains her composure.

"no, don't apologize," sayaka frowns as she grabs y/n's hands. "have they given you the reports for today? if you're getting better or not?"

y/n smiles softly as she rubs circles into sayaka's knuckles with her thumbs. "yeah. they said that the treatment's working."

sayaka's face breaks out into a great big smile, and she lets out a breath of relief that she didn't know she was holding in.

"good! that's good! oh my god, that's so good!" sayaka feels as though she could fly to the stars right about now. that's the best news she's heard in her entire life, even more so than when her audition to sign a contract with a big music label got accepted. "that's--i'm so glad, y/n. i'm so... i love you."

y/n's eyes go wide because they've never said that to each other before.

sayaka doesn't seem to notice though, too distracted by the happiness that was filling her from head to toe.

and before sayaka can make anything of the silence, y/n's able to process everything, and she says with a big smile of her own, "i love you, too."

sayaka pulls her in for a kiss and it y/n feels overjoyed to be able to feel the kiss on her lips. if she could stay like this forever, she would.

they're interrupted by the sound of sayaka's ringtone.

"i'm sorry," sayaka frowns when she sees who's calling her. "i have to take this."

"go ahead," y/n smiles, hoping that it reassures sayaka. "take your time."

"i'll be right back! i promise!" sayaka says before rushing out of the room.

the smile falls as the door shuts behind her. sayaka's visits are the highlight of y/n's days. the white walls and smell of bleach are bland and unpleasant. sayaka's the splash of color in her monochrome world. it's lonely whenever she's not around.

she doesn't know how much time passes by, but when sayaka comes back, y/n looks up with a smile on her face again.

"i missed you," y/n says the words that she usually keeps to herself, but something inside of her told her to say them out loud this time.

sayaka gives a sad smile at that, and y/n has a feeling that she knows what this is about.

"i was only gone for a few minutes," sayaka says in a teasing tone instead of addressing the bad news that she obviously brought along with her.

"you have a tour coming up, don't you?" y/n asks.

"i'm looking for ways to delay it," sayaka answers.

"why? you've been looking forward to this your entire career!" y/n frowns because she knows it's because of her. she regrets the words that came out of her mouth and wants to curse her instincts for urging her to say them.

"that's not true," sayaka rolls her eyes playfully, but they both know that she's lying. she's been dreaming of touring since the beginning of her career--since even before then.

"i'm not letting you throw away your dream. you have to go," y/n says.

"i wanna stay with you, though," sayaka says softly. she grabs her hand but can't find it within herself to meet her eyes.

"let me see the tour schedule," y/n says.

"they haven't--"

"i know that's bullshit. c'mon."

sayaka begrudgingly shows y/n the schedule that was sent to her by her manager.

"woah. you really are a star, you know that?" y/n smiles at her proudly. "i'm so happy for you."

"i'm not going through with it."

"yes you are. because you're gonna throw the last concert on this list--the tokyo concert--as a present for me when i can finally get out of here."

"you'll be out by then?!" sayaka asks with big round hopeful eyes.

"'course i am," y/n grins. "the treatments are working."

"my entire tour's for you," sayaka says as she embraces y/n tightly.

"good, 'cause i'm your number one fan," y/n smiles into sayaka's shoulder as she reciprocates the hug.

there's a knock on the door, and they both know what that means.

"you better be," sayaka jokes, giving her one last squeeze before letting go.

"visiting hours are already over, huh?" y/n sighs.

"i'll be back as soon as i can," sayaka presses a kiss on top of y/n's head before leaving.

"you better not! you have to practice for the tour!" y/n calls out after her.

and y/n was right.

sayaka's schedule was so jam packed with practice, promotional shoots, the actual tour, and so much more over the course of the next months that she could barely find the time to sleep and eat, nevertheless an opportunity to visit her beloved.

and before she knew it, the months that felt so long and so short were coming to a close on the night of the final concert, which had rounded back to tokyo.

tonight is the night that y/n is going to be in the crowd, welcoming her home.

sayaka sets a goal to make this her best show ever, which she always tells herself before every show, but this time it means so much more than just impressing her fans.

and the performance is beautiful. her voice has never felt so powerful in her life, and she feels as though her movements were elegant and alluring.

subconsciously, she scans the crowd with her eyes, even though she knows that there's no way that she's gonna be able to find y/n there. there's too many people, and she can't put too much energy into searching because then this show--this show that's y/n's celebratory present has to be absolutely perfect.

it's fine. she'll find her after the show. she'll leap into her arms and let her spin her around. then they'll get to go to all of their favorite places together--places that they couldn't go ever since y/n got hospitalized.

it'll be all okay.

the show ends and the crowd bursts into applause. sayaka's panting hard, but it's okay because that means she gave it her all. she wishes she could meet y/n's eyes and let her know that all of it was for her.

maybe she can.

as she bows, she has time to scan the crowd more carefully. nothing catches her eye yet, but she knows she'll find her eventually.

"sayaka," a voice calls into her headset. "step back. the curtains are going to fall now."

and she reluctantly does so before she can find y/n.

she goes into her dressing room and looks for her phone to text her girlfriend when there's a knock on her door.

she almost trips over her own feet as she hurries to answer the door.

she can't even try to hide the disappointed look on her face when she sees that it's her manager and not her lover.

"someone delivered this," her manager says. "preordered from months ago."

"thanks," sayaka says. she accepts the flowers and closes the door. she's about to go back to searching for her phone when she realizes that she recognizes the penmanship on the card of the flowers.

dear sayaka,

i'm sorry i lied. the treatments haven't been working. i just didn't want to worry you when you already have so many other things to be worried about.

i didn't want you to have to watch me die slowly. i wanted you to remember me at least half-alive looking, not weak and sickly.

and i didn't want you to throw your career away. i wouldn't be able to rest in peace if i knew that i was the reason you gave it up.

and i'm sorry i didn't make it to your big show. i'm sure you were beautiful out there. you always have been, always will be.

my last days will be spent in bliss, knowing that you still have your beautiful passion.

thank you for making this life worthwhile.

i love you, but do forget about me, as the show must go on, y/n

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

a/n;

i feel like it sounds rushed but idk.

this is an idea i had back in 4/26/20 but never actually wrote out until today.

uhhhhhhhh not proof read (when is it ever) but go me for writing this at this ungodly hour

#sayaka maizono #maizono sayaka #danganronpa x female reader #danganronpa #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #sayaka maizono x female reader #x female reader #female reader insert #wlw

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

Text

It's the morning of Sunday 21st February, but I'm completely nocturnal so it's the end of the day for me. I'll try to stay awake as long as I can and sleep as long as I can, so hopefully I won't get up until midnight or at least just before.

I was 155.2 when I got up. I can't feel happy or sad about that. I just seem to be hovering just over 155 now. I spent 2 hours cleaning earlier. My whole house really needs sorting out and cleaning so I did as much of that as I could. I want to say I hope that'll make a difference as it was tough work and made me sweat a bit sometimes, but I also ate something ridiculous and I mean that's that. Way to fuck up any potential progress. I'm struggling to lose even a pound a month for all kinds of reasons and I could have maybe got somewhere a bit faster but no. I'm a fucking idiot.

I spent a lot of money on skincare products recently. I feel like since I can't be skinny, I want to make my body nicer somehow. I was interested in Korean 10/7-step skincare years ago but I couldn't afford it all and generally didn't want to spend that long every day - I had some money now so I bought it all. I started using sheet masks not long ago and I really like how they feel so I think this skincare thing won't feel like work once I find the right products.

Just as well really. My skin has always been disgusting. Maybe I can at least be fat and soft.

I just always get stuck losing and gaining not even the same 5lbs. More like the same 2lbs. I hit 156 in November and I've had serious health issues twice but even when I haven't been sick, I've still struggled so much. Either I can't stick to it or I do but I don't get any results anyway. And it's not like I'm underweight. I'm overweight. My BMI is over 26. If my metabolism is going to slow down even more the lower I weigh, it'd take me a thousand years to get to my goal weight.

I really wanted to drink today. I feel really alone. It's why I'm so prone to binging and spending money. I'm always looking for something to make me feel better. But I drank a lot last time and I wanted to go a decent amount of time without. Ideally until next weekend. If I can, it'd be good to have a decent intake in that time, and stay active. I have a lot of housework and improvements I can do that'll take a lot of energy. I want to do all those things, and keep my food intake low, and not drink any alcohol, and maybe then I can lose some weight. If my metabolism worked the way it should I'd easily be able to get to 150 by next weekend. If my metabolism worked the way it should I wouldn't be this obsessive in the first place that I want to lose 5lbs in a week I guess.

Im hopefully finishing up the disimpaction thing. I had 3 sachets the other day and then the next day had trouble, so after that I went back to 4. That was yesterday. Today it feels like that was too much but at least I'm clear I guess. Today I had 2 sachets. I'm remembering when I had to get used to not taking stimulant lax...it took so long before I felt vaguely normal. This is different so it shouldn't take that long, but I guess there could still be some adjustment necessary. So I should have 2 sachets a day for at least 2 days, preferably 3, before I panic and decide I need to start taking more again. Hopefully by then it'll be okay and I can go down to 1.

Idk. I feel like there's no point me being here. I look at thinspo and want to lose weight. I write my own weight on a long post like this. But then whatever I do, for whatever reason, I stay fat.

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bucksbisexual · 4 years

Text

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY LAST ONE OF MY OPINION POSTS HERE GOES EP12:

[breathes in]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i’m so fucking happy with this ending

it’s such a good happy ending this is truly what the gays deserve i’m just happiness in physical form rn

i don’t even know where to start but i’ll try to make this as chronological as my brain allows me because my memory do be sucking

i’m gonna put a keep reading because this shit will get loooooong kjshfkf okay let’s do this

so.. we start with PETE EXPOSING NON(T)’S BRAT ASS!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES THATS MY BABY THATS MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!

kao’s mom being a fucking badass and telling her BOSS how to do shit. i love her yall I LOVE HERRRRRRRR

also kao’s mom telling kao that she wasn’t the most amazing person ever was so cute because you can see kao’s light bulb turning on sjfkhsgsh please i love them

yes i will say i love x after every single one of these u can’t stop me

from the teaser i thought kao would dashi run run run to pete’s house but thankfully he took a taxi lmao

at least he didn’t run there because he had to run from pete’s house (or may i say, mansion) to the POOL my man is a whole athlete oh my god

KAO YELLING HE LOVES PETE!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLOSED SPACE WITH PEOPLE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY HEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABYYYYYYYY

also a beautiful parallel to the scene from ep1 (i noticed there’s a lot of parallels in this episode we stan character development and repeating things just so the viewers can see how consistent the couples are)

the kiss from that scene............... beautiful amazing gorgeous idk many words in english to describe how i felt while watching and how i feel about it

to that i think we cut to sunmork but i don’t remember what happened because of the kiss KJHFKSL SORRY

anygays i rlly like how this whole episode is sun being a clingy bih and mork gay panicking while trying to act like a confident gay when he knows that sun outconfidentgays him i love them lmao

okay after that i think it’s petekao having food with their parents all together and god i looooooove this scene

pete’s dad being the lgbt ally dad all of us lgbt fellas with homo/transphobic dads wish we had will never fail to make me soft i love that man pls be my dad too

also kao’s mom :-(( i love her she respected her son’s decision on not coming out until he was ready even though she already smelled it (reminds me of my mom lmao) and was always there for him even when kao didn’t say anything :-(((((((((((

petekao bickering will never get old i swear i love every time they do because that’s so..... men it makes their characters more real

i know there’s a lot (not that much because i admit this episode was kinda short?? idk maybe it’s just me) between that scene and this one but THE SQUAD EATING ALL TOGETHER AGAIN!!!!!!!! AND THEM TEASING PETEKAO!!!!!! PLEASE I LOVE THEM

pete literally not knowing how to stop the audio and broadcasting live TO THE WHOLE COUNTRY that time when he told kao he loved him through the teddy bear...... peak pete culture

the fact that ppl love them and they have a whole hashtag on twitter makes me soft because usually when someone is famous in bls the fans hate the other part of the couple but in this one??? oh no honey we stan petekao in this household hate is not allowed it’s actually prohibited illegal

okay let me backtrack a bit skjfhsjf

OH YES I FORGOT!!!! manow wanting to talk with mork was so weird when i saw the teaser for the episode but after seeing them talk i was like oooooh okay i understand

sun saying “what’s your girl saying to my boy” is probably one of my favourite lines of this drama KLHSJFLF

rain reading their lips fskjfjsf and when mork said “fuck you rain” HIS FACE SKJFHKSJSLFJ HE WAS SCARED SHITLESS but also the end of this scene was so cute i love these three

i just did a bit of skipping through the episode to try and actual make an order out of this mess and the petekao+parents thing comes now,,,,,, anygaYS

then it’s more teasing between sunmork blah blah

then MORK SPEAKING THE MF TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! quoting the actual dialogue “it’s my choice to tell or not tell anyone. i should get to decide”

OUTING SOMEONE ISN’T COOL!!!!!!! IT’S NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! NO LGBT PERSON WILL EVER WANT TO BE OUTED!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T DO THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain had good intentions but it doesn’t mean that it was right of him to do so

okay this got serious,, sun going to rain’s bed with not one but Two pillows when barely two people fit in that bed.... oh to be that iconic and carelessly gay

back to petekao because we will never get enough of these two (which is why i’ll probably watch the our skyy episode tomorrow just to cry over these fools)

it’s so weird to see tay being like this after watching him being himself in other things like the live lunch and taynew meal date and other things i’ve randomly watched during this week to retain myself from finishing this series in a night ksfjhsfkshlks

also kao helping pete shave and pete being like do u like my moustache or should i shave it for u my lord SFHKFJ the domesticity and just the feeling of two idiots being in love i love them with my whole heart

kao staying at pete’s house because it’s both of their first days as interns and kao!!!!! he works for pete’s dad!!!!!!! pete’s dad accepted him into his company!!!!!! i love them

also the bickering between those three sjfkhs “hello im pete im from thailand” “that’s all you’ll say today” THAT WAS SO FUNNNY SKJFHSKFHSFJSFL

THE MESSAGE IN THE TEDDY BEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAO CALLING PETE LOVE PLEASE IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE THESE FOOLS

okay so the squad eating together is right after this but i already talked about it ksjfhsfh next!!

idk if it’s a big time skip or a small one but guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANOW AND RAIN ARE DATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY STRAIGHT BABIES YES I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAA

manow is so pretty and rain is so cute they’re both so lucky my bisexual ass is crying

pete being “angry” at kao being so handsome,,, a mood

but also.. pete being possessive was h*t

there i said it and i don’t regret it

random but i will miss kao’s annoying ass saying “about aboyz” sjfkhsfh

pete being like “i will have to give u more love bites (ffs gmmtv just say hickies we are all at an age where we know what love bites are) so no one flirts with u” and kao being like “bitch try me” sjfhksfj i’m loving bratty kao

also that scene turned into furry kao real quick KJHDKJFSHJF

okay now it’s: mork’s birthday party time!!

rain and manow arrive first and are the cutest couple around because the two main gays haven’t arrived yet (being gay AND punctual? not possible)

sun and rain fighting in the kitchen was peak siblings culture skfhksjf

mork being ready to leave his own birthday party with a stranger who also plays pokemon go just to have a battle................ dumbass bisexual energy

said stranger is eARN FROM 2GETHER!!!!!! FILM IS IN THIS TOO!!!!!!!! first the girl who plays yuri in yyy and now film who plays earn in 2gether is here too??? damn wlw keep winning (also headcanon: theyre dating/seeing each other because LESBIANS periodt)

okay petekao arrive and wont u guess whats their present for mork,,,,,, the mf TEDDY BEAR and kao rlly says that they should use it since theyre so lip sealed lmao

rain and manow literally gave mork a present not for him but for sun im- i love these two

MORK FINALLY SAID YES TO BEING BOYFRIENDS OH MY GOD DUDE U ACTUALLY HAD ME WORRIED THERE FOR A SEC

also sun being a whole koala and being a horny bitch is so funny sfhskfjskl my man has his priorities set

their last scene is so cute :-(( poor rain will have to live with this until he moves out sjfhksjf

oh boi the ending is near hhhhhhh

kao teaching his class an equation that ends up in i < 3 u is the most kao thing i’ve ever seen

also kAO IS BOOKED AND BUSY BABYYYYYYYYYY GET THOSE COINS HONEY

pete being like “u haven’t spent enough time with me lately >:-(” was cute jhkfjs my man is needy of kao and i understand that because have u seen kao? exactly

kao teasing him with not having forgotten the cup this time and pete being his possessive self was.. splendid

every reference to something that happened with non(t) hurts but also i love how they just tease each other because they know that now their relationship is stronger than it’s ever been and that nothing and no one will come between them

the scenes they show during the last last scenes :-((( BOYFIES!!!!!!

and i love how they decided to end the show with them holding hands in public

i would explain why i do but it’s 6:26 am and i’ve been writing this for at least half an hour already and my laptop is heating up a lot and im sweating because it’s hot in here so get down on the floor pipiipipipipipipi

kdjhkdfhs sorry im not sleepy this is just my brain without a filter it’s just gay shit and a big repertoire of songs

god okay that was my opinion on the last episode of dark blue kiss...........

needless to say that i will eat every bit of content related to petekao after this because writing this i already miss them and i can’t wait to watch our skyy tomorrow idk where but i will

i really really REALLY liked this drama and it’s one of the two bl dramas (not counting the untamed) i’ve given a full 10/10 rating on mdl because it’s THAT good

everything about this drama is just.. chef’s kiss i love it i will probably rewatch it when my plan to watch is empty but it’s a pretty long list so.. hopefully i’ll ignore that and just rewatch sjkfhslf

i’ll of course watch kiss and kiss me again just for the petekao, the squad and rain scrumbs because i’m sure that the petekao compilations don’t show everything

but yeah im just.. i love this show it’s been a rlly long time since i started writing this but i’m still happy because it’s so good and truly gave us a good happy ending and i swear i cannot emphasise enough how important good happy endings in lgbt media are!!!!!!!!!!

anygays im hungry and ready to submerge myself in the dbk tags, see u all tomorrow for my our skyy petekao episode version of this,,,,,

till then, stay safe ! bYE

#dark blue kiss #dbk the series #dbk #dbk reaction

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justlookfrightened · 5 years

Note

I'm torn between 26 and 31 with zimbits. So idk, pick one?

I already posted a response for 31, so this is 26: “It was you the whole time.” Call it angst with an optimistic ending.

Jack knew better than to rub his sweaty palms on his trousers, but it was all he could do to stop himself. Something about being back here made him feel like a kid again.

Funny how he hadn’t felt young while he was here. Then he felt so much older than his teammates, almost more like one of the coaches. But he’d had so much growing up left to do.

Now, a career and two Stanley Cups later, he could look back at the young man he had been and be grateful for everything Coach Hall had done for him. Grateful enough to come back for Hall’s retirement tribute.

Jack took a breath, opened the door to the alumni center, and stepped into the air-conditioned interior. He was here to express his appreciation to Coach Hall. Sure, some of his former teammates were probably inside, but so were five years of hockey players from before his time and those from eleven years after he graduated.

In the end, Hall was one of the few people from SMH he’d stayed in contact with, emailing once or twice a month, usually inviting Jack to come back at least once each season to meet the new players.

When he graduated, Jack thought he’d be close to some of his college team his whole life. Shitty, definitely. And Lardo. And Bitty. Of course Bitty.

It was funny; at Jack’s graduation Bitty had said something about not seeing him except on TV. Jack had assured Bitty it wouldn’t be like that. Less than an hour later, Jack had run all the way across campus to find Bitty crying in Jack’s old room, and Jack had kissed him, and it felt so right.

Until Jack’s phone buzzed and he had to leave Bitty right where he found him. Kind of like their whole relationship.

And for the last 10 years, he hadn’t seen Bitty at all — except for once, on television, when Bitty was promoting one of his cookbooks on a daytime talk show, and a few times when Jack looked him up on YouTube. Jack wondered whether Bitty had watched any of his games. Maybe the cup finals?

Jack stopped at the sign-in counter, but before he even found his table assignment, he was corralled by a young man with a Wellie-red tie and a name tag identifying him as Luke, the team manager for the recent season.

“Mr. Zimmermann? If you could step over here, I can go over the program with you,” Luke said, plucking Jack’s name tag from the table and steering him down the corridor. “You won’t need a name tag here, of course, and you’re at the first table with Coach Hall. Coach Murray is going to speak first, and then you’ll present the plaque and say a few words.”

Luke paused and looked at Jack. “Do you have something prepared?” he asked. “About how Coach Hall helped you become the great hockey player you turned out to be?”

Crap. He must really look nervous if Luke — all of 21 or 22 years old — thought he needed coaching on what to say at a retirement party.

Jack forced a smile, patted the breast pocket of his jacket, and said, “I brought some notes. But they’re really more about how Hall helped all the players he worked with grow into the people they were meant to be.”

Because the banquet room was full of men (and women who had worked with the program — he mustn’t forget them) who had graduated and gone on to careers as artists and lawyers, doctors and writers and programmers and cookbook authors, people who made the world a better place. Whisk was the only other Wellie who’d played in the NHL.

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Luke said, already reaching for the plaque that would announce a scholarship in Hall’s name. All the alumni had contributed, and many had been very generous, but Jack was pretty sure he gave the most. It was only fair; Hall took a chance on him and gave him his life back.

Jack peeked through the doors and saw Hall standing near a front table, shaking hands and exchanging greetings. He saw two pairs of large, well-tailored shoulders at the next table, and yes, there was Shitty across from Ransom and Holster. He still had a magnificent ’stache, accentuating the lines that were etching themselves into his face. Lardo, still petite, still looking like she take over the room with one look, was at his side.

The last time Jack had seen the four of them all together had been the morning of Lardo’s graduation. Ransom and Holster’s too, but he got permission to miss morning skate that day to see Lardo and congratulate her before the ceremony, which he had to miss because the Falconers were in the playoffs.

When Jack had arrived at the Haus that morning, he was surprised to have missed Bitty, who apparently left only an hour earlier to catch a flight home to Madison for the summer.

Before Bitty left, he’d made pancakes (warming in the oven), fruit salad and muffins, and chopped vegetables to go into scrambled eggs.

“Well, he actually said to put them in an omelet,” Holster said. “But scrambled eggs are easier.”

“I can make omelets,” Jack had said.

Holster thrust the carton of eggs at him and said, “Sweet!”

“You talked to Bitty lately?” Shitty asked. “Random and Holster say he spent the last semester carving a swath through the eligible dudes of this fine institution.”

Jack was glad his head was buried in the cabinet, looking for the skillet Bitty used to make omelets. The skillet Bitty used when he taught Jack to make omelets. But that was before graduation, even.

“No, I haven’t,” Jack said. “I’m sorry I missed him. I thought he’d be here.”

And that was true. The thought of seeing Bitty with his friends, in his kitchen, was uncomfortable, but Jack figured it was something they’d just have to learn to get past. They’d managed being with their friends when no one knew they were dating; Jack didn’t see why they couldn’t do it now they’d broken up.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Shitty went on. “I guess I always thought he had eyes for you. Probably better that he got over that, though, since you don’t date guys. At least to the best of my knowledge.”

Jack busied himself cracking eggs so he wouldn’t have to look Shitty in the face when he said, “I doubt Bitty sees me like that, Shits.”

“Not really cool to talk about him when he’s not here anyway,” Lardo said.

“True that,” Shitty said. “I was just trying to decide if I should be worried about the little dude, given the marked change in behavior noted by his most recent captains.”

“The little dude is a 21-year-old grown-ass adult,” Lardo said. “Who doesn’t need you slut-shaming him.”

Shitty sputtered and Jack beat the eggs and the next time anyone talked, it was Ransom announcing that he had taken a job at the same consulting firm that hired Holster.

Jack had comforted himself then with the idea that at least he hadn’t broken Bitty’s heart, and he went out and scored two goals that night on the Falconers’ way to their first Stanley Cup.

Jack craned his head further around the banquet room door, trying to see if Bitty was at the table with Shitty and Lardo. He knew they kept in touch. The last time Jack had been at Shitty and Lardo’s for dinner, what, almost two years ago now, he’d remarked on Bitty’s third cookbook on the kitchen shelf, and Lardo said, “He couldn’t wait to come over and sign it for us — he was just as excited as when the first one came out. I bet you have the full set too.”

Jack did, because he bought them off Amazon. Not because Bitty was bringing them over and signing them.

“We’re almost ready to start.” Luke was next to Jack, nudging him into the room.

Jack took a breath and stepped in, went to greet Coach Hall, hugged Lardo and then Shitty.

“Retirement looks good on you, old man,” Shitty said. “Way to go out in style with the second cup win, too.”

“Thanks, Shits,” Jack said, hoping Shitty couldn’t see him peering over his shoulder, looking to see who else was there. Looking to see if Bitty was there. “You look good. Lardo too. All of you.”

There was food on a buffet table in the back, next to the bar, and it looked like most people had already eaten. Jack excused himself to get a drink, walked to the bar and looked around the room. Dex and Nursey and Chowder were all there — Bitty’s frogs — and Ford, the manager after Lardo.

Jack got soda water with a lime because alcohol would not improve this situation at all and headed back towards the front table. Chowder waylaid him with a wide smile and a handshake, saying, “We all watched, Jack. I bet they retire your number next year. You were awesome. I was telling everyone at work that I used to play for you, but I think half of them didn’t believe me.”

Chowder hadn’t changed much, Jack decided. He always had a tendency to chatter through any tension caused by Dex and Nursey, who worked together on the ice like one of Dex’s programs (or one of Nursey’s poems), but clashed once they hit dry ground.

They didn’t seem tense tonight, though, leaning back in their chairs and talking idly. Both got up to greet Jack, but less effusively than Chowder.

It was the same as when the three of them came to a Falconer’s game during Bitty’s senior year. They’d bought tickets themselves, which was silly when Jack could get them comped, and then Chowder wrote a painfully polite email asking Jack if he’d want to say hello afterwards. Jack hadn’t paid enough attention to the email, or maybe Chow hadn’t been clear. After the game, Jack had been surprised Bitty wasn’t with the frogs. Wasn’t he always shepherding them around, mother-henning them like they couldn’t find their way home without them?

“No Bitty tonight?” he asked after their initial greetings.

“No, I think he had plans with Drew,” Chowder said.

“Drew?”

“His boyfriend?” Dex said. “The guy from the Daily.”

Like that would help Jack know who it was.

“I didn’t know he had a boyfriend now,” Jack said. “Good for him.”

“It’s kind of sweet,” Chowder said, “if I can say that about Bitty. I think it’s his first real boyfriend.”

“And a little sickening,” Dex said. “But if they keep up with the fines, we might get that new dryer this year after all.”

“You need a new dryer?” Jack said, the same time Nursey sighed, “Young love,” and pretended to wipe a tear from his eye.

“We’ve needed a new dryer,” Dex said. “Like, since before you graduated.”

“I can do that,” Jack said.

“You don’t have to,” Chowder chimed in. “It’s a Haus responsibility.”

“Chowder, I think I’m good for it,” Jack said gently. To Dex, he said, “Let me know what you need and I’ll get the money to you.”

That started Dex off on a tangent about what kind of dryer would be best, and the moment passed.

Jack knew Bitty hadn’t told anyone about their relationship — that was their agreement, and that was one of the things that led to their breakup. Trying to see Jack and do everything else without letting on to their friends was too much for Bitty, too much sneaking around, too much lying, too much not being present with his team.

It had been easier for Jack, living on his own in Providence, with hours and occasionally days at a time when no one had to know where he was or what he was doing.

It still stung to hear the frogs mention Drew as Bitty’s first boyfriend. Bitty had told Jack that Jack was his first everything. Having the frogs not know that didn’t make it less true, but Jack found himself wishing they did know.

Now, ten years later, he grinned at the thought of saying, “Bitty and I dated for six months while he was still in school,” to see the look on their faces. But it wasn’t his secret to tell, or at least not his alone.

People were shuffling into their seats and Murray was standing up, so Jack went to sit next to Hall’s wife and listen.

Once Murray was done with his list of the years Hall had worked, the accomplishments of his teams, the accomplishments of his players, he introduced Jack, who walked to the lectern and spread his notes out.

“Hi, I’m Jack Zimmermann and I graduated in 2015,” he said, adjusting the Stanley Cup ring (from the 2016 win) on his finger to catch the light.

That drew a chuckle from the room, so he continued.

“Most of you know my story — I played in juniors, then overdosed on prescription medication during a mental health crisis. I had to step away from the game for a while, and when I decided I wanted to go to college, and to play hockey again, I had to petition the NCAA to allow it.”

He also had agreed to not take a scholarship, but that hadn’t been an issue for his family.

“Not many coaches wanted a 21-year-old freshman with a demonstrated history of screwing up that badly,” Jack said. “And some of the ones who did just wanted me to play hockey, not worry about classes. But Coach Hall wanted me to come to Samwell and play hockey and get an education and figure out what I wanted. He saw the potential for me to have a hockey career —”

That drew cheers, especially from those who played with Jack “— and also for me to get a degree and open up other paths. The opportunities he gave me showed me worlds I didn’t know existed, so much that I’m going to start working on a doctorate in history this fall.”

Jack took a sip of water and continued.

“At the same time, he was an excellent hockey coach. I know; I’ve had a lot of them. He demanded hard work and perseverance, not by yelling, but by setting high expectations and then by setting an example of how to meet them. He showed me — us — how to have pride in ourselves and in our team, but also have humility at the same time. He showed me not just how to be a better player — a better person — but also that I could be so much better if I didn’t try to do it on my own.”

Jack looked up, and was about to continue, but there in the back was Bitty. It looked like he was setting out dessert — mostly pie — on the now-cleared food tables, but he had stopped what he was doing to watch Jack. When he saw Jack looking, he gave a small smile.

“I haven’t always been perfect,” Jack said, now looking directly at Bitty. “I haven’t always gotten it right. But skating for Coach Hall did so much to set me on a positive path, a path where I can make a difference by setting an example and extending a hand to people who need it. And I know he did that for all of you, too.”

Bitty was still looking at him. Jack took another sip of water, and continued.

“That’s why we all wanted to show our appreciation to you, Coach, by setting up this scholarship in your name. It’s to help players who can’t get a full athletic scholarship, or managers or any other students who are involved with the hockey program, so you can keep helping young people find their way.”

Coach Hall got up and Jack handed him the plaque. As Hall took the microphone, Jack headed straight for the back of the room.

“Can we talk?” he asked Bitty.

“Shh. After Coach Hall is done.”

Jack didn’t know how long Coach Hall spoke, just knew that he spent that time looking at Bitty. He was here as a guest, mostly, Jack supposed, in a suit and all, but just as clearly he wasn’t going to leave the dessert table to the university food service company.

Bitty looked good. Jack tried to see him as objectively as he could; Bitty was still trim and fit, maybe even a little broader across the shoulders and chest. His hair was the bright gold it turned in the summer, and his eyes were still clear, warm brown. His face was more angular, and Jack could see a dusting of pale stubble along his jaw. The beginnings of laugh lines were just visible around his eyes, and there were some scars exposed on his forearms where he’d turned his sleeves back. Jack recognized them as burn marks.

Jack knew Bitty had published his cookbooks, of course, and that he still had his YouTube channel. He knew Bitty had guested on several food network shows — it came up whenever he saw anyone else from SMH — but he wasn’t sure what else Bitty was doing. He kind of thought if Bitty had gotten married, he would have heard, but maybe he was dating someone? Bitty had moved back to Georgia after he graduated, and while he kept in touch with Shitty and Lardo and some of the others, Jack didn’t think it was as frequent as any of them would have liked.

Bitty didn’t owe anyone information, especially Jack, not after the way they’d broken it off. Jack was glad Bitty had dated after the breakup — the last thing he wanted was for Bitty to be miserable — but he had always wanted a second chance. He just wasn’t sure he deserved it.

After Bitty avoided him for the rest of Bitty’s college career, Jack thought Bitty probably didn’t want to risk it.

Hall was finishing up his remarks, talking about how proud he was of the people who had moved through the program. Jack turned to Bitty, who said, “Go talk to everybody. People will hang around for dessert. I’ll be here after.”

Then Bitty handed him a slice of apple pie on a plate. “So it’s not all gone when you come back.”

Jack wandered back toward the front, where he was being beckoned for photos. Once he stood with Hall, and with Hall and Murray, Shitty came to demand a photo with Jack and the rest of the 2014-2015 team.

“Lardo’s getting Bitty,” Shitty said, pushing Jack into a spot next to Ransom and taking up a position on Jack’s other side. “And don’t think I didn’t see you snagging the first piece of pie.”

Jack shrugged. “It’s been a long time since I had Bitty’s pie.”

“Too fucking right,” Shitty said. “Bitty hasn’t made a pie for us in like, three years. How long has it been for you?”

“Longer than that,” Jack said.

Lardo returned with Bitty, who was pulled into place in front of and between Jack and Ransom. Lardo was next to Bitty, in front of Jack and Shitty. Bitty stood a careful six inches in front of Jack, glancing back and mouthing a “sorry,” although Jack couldn’t figure out why.

Jack made small talk for a long while after that, let some of the SMH alumni try on his cup ring, even signed some autographs for the younger guys.

He embraced Hall before his old coach left, and promised to spend more time with Shitty and Lardo now that he was retired. All the time, he had one eye on Bitty, who by the end was collecting platters and serving utensils from the buffet table.

Jack swallowed the rest of his pie (which was, if anything, better than he remembered) and went back to where Bitty was boxing up his things.

“Can I help you with that?” Jack said.

“I got it,” Bitty said. “I got the primo parking because I was bringing this stuff.”

“I did want to talk with you,” Jack said. “I think Annie’s is still open.”

“Okay,” Bitty said. “Let me move the car to a legal spot and we can walk over.”

The walk was quiet, Bitty apparently as lost in his thoughts as Jack was. When they approached, Bitty slowed and said, “The last time I was here with you, you broke up with me.”

“I know,” Jack said.

It was the last time Jack had been at Annie’s at all.

Bitty had called him the night before, leaving a long tearful message on his voice mail about how their relationship was too hard, how keeping it secret was too hard, how Bitty was suffering from lying to their friends and from lack of sleep and time and … and then he had called Jack and asked him not to listen to the message, but it was too late.

It was too late for Jack to head to Samwell right away; it wouldn’t have been safe for him to drive before he got some sleep. When Jack met Bitty at Annie’s the next morning and took in his red, tired eyes and slumped shoulders, he knew what he had to do.

“You can’t keep doing this, bud,” Jack said. “I’m sorry. I had no idea how rough it would be on you.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you,” Bitty said. “I just have to be stronger.”

“That’s not fair,” Jack said.

“But you can’t come out,” Bitty said. “Not now, in your first season.”

“No, I can’t,” Jack agreed. “I don’t think we can keep doing this, bud. I’m sorry. I can’t see you this way and know it’s my fault. I’m sorry, bud.”

“Wait, are you breaking up with me?”

“I’m sorry,” Jack said again.

“But I love you,” Bitty said. “We can — I can try harder.”

“I love you, too,” Jack said. “But you should be with someone who can actually be with you, in front of everybody. You deserve to be happy.”

Then he had pushed his chair back, stood up and walked away.

This time, he gestured for Bitty to take a seat and said, “What can I get you?”

“Coffee,” Bitty said. “Black.”

“Not decaf?”

“Nah, I got a long drive ahead of me.”

Jack put two black coffees — one decaf, one regular — on the table.

“I never figured you’d come around to plain coffee,” Jack said.

“It turns out that unlimited sugar isn’t good for any of us as we get older,” Bitty said. “I prefer to save mine for pastry.”

Jack nodded.

“You’re not driving back to Georgia tonight, are you?”

“I don’t live there anymore,” Bitty said. “I moved to New York last winter.”

“You moved to New York? In the winter?”

“Hush,” Bitty said. “I have a show in development for the Food Network.”

“Good for you,” Jack said. “You deserve it.”

“Thanks,” Bitty said. “I’m a little worried, because I had to close my business in Atlanta, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?”

“You miss a hundred percent of the shots you don’t take?” Jack said.

“Something like that,” Bitty said. “So what did you want to talk about?”

“I wanted to say I was sorry for the way I ended things,” Jack said.

“You said so at the time,” Bitty said. “I believed you then. Lord, Jack, I didn’t want to break up, but maybe you were right. If things went they way were, I would have had a breakdown of my own.”

“Maybe,” Jack said. “Or maybe we could have figured out how to make it easier for you. Maybe we could have told the people who lived in the Haus at least. Or some of the Falconers. They would have been fine with it.”

“You know that now,” Bitty said. “Twenty-twenty hindsight’s a wonderful thing.”

“I still think I should have tried something else,” Jack said. “You didn’t want to break up. I was afraid, of coming out, of things going as badly for you as they went for me in juniors … but I gave up too easily. It’s one of my biggest regrets.”

“Aw, sweet pea, don’t beat yourself up,” Bitty said. “I loved you. I really did. And that day, it hurt like hell. Hurt for a long time after, too.”

“Is that why you didn’t stay for Lardo’s graduation?”

“My flight was at 8 p.m.,” Bitty said. “Thank God Logan has charger ports in its waiting areas.”

“Fuck, Bits, you should have stayed,” Jack said. “I wouldn’t have come if you didn’t want me to.”

“It was fine,” Bitty said. “Lardo and Ransom and Holster — they were all your friends first.”

“Then the frogs came to a Falcs game without you,” Jack said.

“Yeah,” Bitty said. “I did already have a date before they asked if I wanted to go. But I probably could have gotten out of it if I tried. I didn’t want you to think I was pining after you, though.”

“What if I was pining after you?”

“Come on, Jack, you’ve dated some people since me,” Bitty said. “I read about a few, all better looking, more successful and female.”

“None of them went anywhere,” Jack said.

“Yeah,” Bitty said softly. “I know how that goes.”

“Yeah? You had a boyfriend the next fall,” Jack said.

“For like two months,” Bitty said. “I’ve dated some, too, of course, but no one ever measured up. It was you the whole time.”

“Really?” Jack said. “You mean that?”

“I do,” Bitty said. “But you know I can’t go back in the closet.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Jack said. “Maybe it’s time for me to come out.”

“You are retired,” Bitty said.

“I almost wish I wasn’t so that I could prove how serious I am about this.”

“By coming out while you were playing?” Bitty said. “It would have made a statement. But I think you’ll still get plenty of attention. More than you want, maybe.”

“It will be worth it,” Jack said. “If you really want to do this?”

“I think I do,” Bitty said. “I really do.”

“So how important is it that you make it back to New York tonight?” Jack said.

“Not at all,” Bitty. “Not at all.”

#omgcheckplease #omg check please #zimbits #my fic #prompt fill

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the-strawzish-clownfish · 4 years

Note

Oh, you wanted me to hit you with some? Bet. Do all of them Strawberry

YOBI I LEGIT JUST ASKED SOMEONE THE SAME THING

YOU’RE OMNISCIENT I SWEAR

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I have never considered that before now but thanks for that

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

3 probably, I’m not really scared of the dark most of the time (unless it’s literally pitch black), but every once in a while i get really unnerved bc i get rlly paranoid

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Satan

4. What is your favorite word?

“faith” bc my faith and bc synesthesia

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

uhhh flowering cherry bc at my old house my brothers and I each had a tree that my dad planted for us when we were each born and mine was a flowering cherry

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

I looked in the mirror this morning?

7. What shirt are you wearing?

coral pink bubba gump shrimp co. t shirt

8. What do you label yourself as?

child of God, daughter of Sappho

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright if we’re talking natural light being let in through my windows, dark if we’re talking just normally bc rlly bright lights mess w my sensory issues

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

talking to you yobi

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this age, I’m a firm believer in that things will always get better, even if only one small thing does improve, when i think back on past years i get anxious and nostalgia isn’t good for me

12. Who told you they loved you last?

@toomanyfanfics that one

13. Your worst enemy?

my mental health tbh

14. What is your current desktop picture?

15. Do you like someone?

never experienced romantic attraction, i used to have a plush (qp crush) on one of my best irl friends tho (@ blob have fun with this fact)

16. The last song you listened to?

I am listening to Echosmith’s Cool Kids as I am writing this, before that I was listening to Girls by Marina and the Diamonds, which is a hilarious song i 11/10 recommend

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

myself, I’m not s*icidal but I’m not killing someone else

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

whoever the person who decided Teen Vogue should endorse child pornography was

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

me, I would make myself do actual work for once

20. What is your best physical attribute?

my eyes, i just like them. fun fact this one kid i used to be kinda good friends with was talking with me on snapchat once (bc we did that a lot, back when i had snapchat) and i don’t remember how we got into this but he ended up describing my eyes really weirdly? it was really deep and got kinda strange? it was like a movie scene but via text message and then in the middle of it he was like “wtf am i doing” and i will always remember that (dude if you are for some reason reading this then idek what to say man. sorry). anyone who knows me irl (@ you blob) can take a guess as to who this is

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

idk the answer to either of those questions tbh

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

idek man sorry

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

weed, like i’m genuinely terrified of being in its presence (never been in its presence before), i’ve had nightmares about it

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

EVERY TIME I GO TO SUBWAY I GET THE SAME THING. BUFFALO CHICKEN, RANCH, AND CHEESE ON ITALIAN HERBS AND CHEESE TOASTED. I WOULD REPLICATE THAT

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

go to Atlanta and find a homeless person and buy them some clothes and food and some blankets

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

CANADA

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

first of all why is an angel giving me unlimited alcohol that’s just kinda strange second of all i am a MINOR i am not legally ALLOWED however i will probably just take whatever and give it to some people, someone will like it

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

be kind and do good where you can and if someone wrongs you forgive them

29. What is your favorite expletive?

as;ldkfjasdkgaj;lsdf

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

my cactus!! she is v important to me

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

the first thing that comes to mind was really traumatic for me, but it’s what brought me as close as i am to God now so idk that i would get rid of it. idrk man, it really sucked but i’m glad that I’m so much closer to God now

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a [redacted bc even though this is a hypothetical i absolutely would never do this and refuse to acknowledge it even in a hypothetical situation]. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

….Canada?

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

idk, peeps are in heaven now and i don’t really wanna take that away from them

34. What was your last dream about?

ask God not me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

not really, however i have had several surgeries (all on my mouth) so i was in the hospital for those

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

I have built a real, genuine snowman once in my life, and the only proof is a picture i have bc i was so little i can’t even remember it. it doesn’t snow in georgia

38. What is the color of your socks?

ain’t wearing em, however most of mine are gray with some colorful bits

39. What type of music do you like?

I have an eclectic mix of favorites.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises all the way, the afternoon and evening make me anxious but nighttime and dawn and early morning are the best times

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

vanilla bitch

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

UGA i guess bc it’s ga and that’s a safe answer, i don’t really follow sports (i watch baseball sometimes though)

43. Do you have any scars?

oh i’m covered in tiny ones, the most notable being one on my thigh that was on my knee when i first noticed it. to this day i do not know how i got it

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

gay

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i wanna be better about lying

46. Are you reliable?

heh depends, when it comes to knowing random things or being stupid, yes, but when it comes to remembering things, such as dates and times and things? absolutely not

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Has it gotten easier?

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes and no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a whelk and a quetzalcoatlus, no i do not accept constructive criticism

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i once spent hours talking to myself about if it is possible for a perfectly fair coin to exist outside of theory

51. Are you a good liar?

I like to think so

52. How long could you go without talking?

Oh I could go a looooooooooooooong time, however i do have my chatterbox days and i am known for not shutting up so it’s really a tossup on that one

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

when i was 3 my mom put blonde highlights in my hair and it was absolutely absurd

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

i cannot bake to save my life, however i have made my father cheesecakes for his birthday and they turned out okay so idk

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

sco-ish

56. What do you like on your toast?

a crap ton of butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

dude in a graduation cap

58. What would be you dream car?

idk whatever’s cheap and works

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

uhhh not really no

60. Do you believe in aliens?

i mean i don’t think we’re the only life in the entire universe, so yeah (and also they’ve found traces of ancient bacteria on Mars so if you don’t believe then who are you kidding)

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

occasionally, i don’t believe in astrology but it’s at least somewhat accurate a lot of the time and i like to freak myself out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

you’d think i’d have an answer for this, however i have never thought about this before. so e ig

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

if your answer to this is dinosaurs then get out of my house

64. What do you think about babies?

they’re good at shrieking, and for that i admire them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

i am not interesting

#are you pleased with yourself yobi #sorry this took so long #strawzy answers #fucking yobi #tw swearing #cw swearing #strawzy cleans out dus inbox

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dar-manda-rjct · 4 years

Text

30 OC Questions~♧

Thanks to @fangirl-ramblings for tagging me!

Idk who to tag but if you wanna do it, go for it and tag me, I'd love to read about your OCs! :]

1. When they tap their fingers do they use the pads of their fingers or their nails? Nails, Elizabeth likes the pushing feeling against her nails, plus her fingernails are rather long.

2. What textures can they absolutely not stand? Scales and coarse hair, like on a boar and she hates to handle fishies, mostly because they jerk around and it intimidates her.

3. How long can they go without bathing before they feel gross? A few days at least, the longest she's gone without bathing was a month when she ran away from home.

4. Do they leave clothes everywhere? It's all shoved into a bag by her bedroll in case the camp is invaded and they had to run

5. Do they sleep with the bedroom door open or closed? Elizabeth prefers it closed but when she feels sad or lonely she'll keep it open to look at the night sky.

6. Which do they prefer: 3 am or 3 pm? As mentioned before, she likes the night sky. Her mother used to tell her that when she died she would join the sky as a star, Elizabeth would stay up till the wee hours of the night to just stare at the moon and stars.

7. If they suddenly woke up with animal ears and tails what animal would they be? I think Elizabeth would be a fox, she's sly and sneaky and her laugh is funny.

8. If they could only eat one thing for 20 days straight what would it be? Whitetail deer, preferably doe because the meat on a buck is tougher.

9. Are they the type to re-read a book? When she's not out on a job, running around camp doing chores or telling stories of her own she'll pick up her worn, leatherbound book on ancient Egypt, a gift from Arthur.

10. Would they want to know the exact date and time of their death? Nope, she doesn't want to be fearful of the day when it does come

11. What’s their favorite mythological creature? She used to read books on Greek mythology as a little girl (ramblings if you're reading this, I think Lilly and Elizabeth would be best fricken friends). She is fascinated by the chimera but she likes the heiracosphinx the best.

12. If they had to listen to one song on repeat for 100+ times what would it be? Elizabeth could watch at Javier play guitar forever, she sometimes loses track of time. Her favorite songs either than the ones Javier sings are "O Mollie" "Ring-dang-doo" "Let us Merry Be" "Dan Taylor" "Dirty Little Whore" and "Thieving Line".

13. Do they believe in an afterlife? She's hopeful for one and hopeful that she gets there.

14. When they get tired do their eyelids twitch? No, she will nod off while sitting or standing up, her eyelids fluttering quite noticeably until someone drags her into her tent.

15. What are their favorite textures? Silk and the light blue linen cloth her mother would have on her dress. Elizabeth's been looking for the kind of cloth for as long as she could remember.

16. Do they crack their own joints? Oh yeah, she cracks everything. Neck, back, elbows and knuckles. When she cracks her neck she'll feel people looking at her weird, waiting for her to break her own neck and slump into the ground. She'll make fun out of it, saying stuff like, "Ooh, crackly." While the person staring at her is like "What the fuck???"

17. Would they eat/drink something too hot or wait for it to cool? Elizabeth's a tiny woman but she's always ravenous, usually "fafshafafshafsh-ing" through her hot stew because she's hungry. With hot coffee she's more likely to wait.

18. Are they the type to adopt strays? Elizabeth's always wanted a black female cat and she's always wanted to name it Bastet.

19. Do they get work done straight away or wait until the last moment? Elizabeth has always been an obedient worker, she helped tend to a farm with her brothers and the working habits stayed as she went into the Van der Linde gang, proving herself a worthy working both inside and outside of camp.

20. How do they bathe? If there's a public body of water, there's a public bath. Elizabeth is more tedious with her bathing when she buys a bath, she spent money on that shit, damn right she's gonna melt into it.

21. Are they the type to daydream? She finds herself zoning out a lot, making otherworldly scenarios that will never happen. She's a daydreamer.

22. Do they work best in a messy space or a neat space? She likes everything clean, a habit she picked up from her mother

23. Do they keep any personal photos? She has none before 1899, she was stolen from her home and couldn't take any ornaments with her. Around/after 1899 however, she has one of Javier and her sitting on the log and laughing in the Clemen's Point camp. Arthur took the picture.

24. Do they indulge in anything? She REALLY likes flowers, tiny ones, big ones, baby breaths, sunflowers, daisies, etc. She also likes to decorate her guns.

25. Would they do the exact opposite of what someone says just to spite them? Yes, she loves to push everyone's buttons and she did it with her older brothers. It comes with being the littlest who could get away with just about everything.

26. If they’re alone and hear a noise would they go investigate? Of course-- with her gun out.

27. If they’re lost what is the first thing they would do? Have a mental breakdown and then wander. If she didn't have any luck, she'd ask someone for directions.

28. What is one dream that makes no sense but is absolutely terrifying? (I ignored the "make sense" part but I answered the terrifying part) Ever since she was kidnapped and tortured by O'Driscolls she's had terrible night terrors, screaming, swearing, rolling and crying in her sleep until someone runs in to wake her up. She's nearly scratched people's eyes out when they rush to wake her up.

29. What is the stupidest thing they’ve ever done just because someone said they couldn’t? Javier made a bet that Elizabeth couldn't climb a tree as fast as him. She fell, rolled her ankle and popped her knee, laughing and crying at the same time.

30. Are they stoic or melodramatic about being injured? She reacts when she needs to, Elizabeth doesn't cry often. When she's mentally injured however, she sobs quietly, careful to not have anyone hear in fear that she has to explain why.

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silliusssoddus · 5 years

Text

The First Names Concept - Night 3

(Roger Taylor x Reader x Vince Neil)

MASTERLIST

A/N: HI HEY IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! there were a lot of exams

and of course a writing-deleting cycle but i've finally gotten it to a point where 'm sorta content w it

anyways i am so sorry for being all ‘ooh symbolism’ in this part i just...really like fleetwood mac...and i’m kind of trying to do the whole ‘show don’t tell’ thing, but i’m terrible at writing and idk when to use what so...yeah...idk

WARNINGS: very small mention of smut, mentions of people taking drugs (not reader), mentions of coke, weed, alcohol, fluffish and angstish at times, car accident and that’s it

WORD COUNT: 5,456 (a lot of stuff happens folks)

SPECIAL THANKS TO: @scarecrowmax for making sure this doesn’t suck, i appreciate it so much!!

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Elektra Records have signed Mötley Crüe their record deal and they celebrate with Queen. You make amends with both boys, which leads you to the position you were in the first place.

(creds: @taylormaydwithlove)

“Ready Freddie?”

(creds: @getthefckouttahere)

“...grabbed your cheeks, feeling him pull you in for a kiss...”

It was perfectly normal for people to like morning, but some could call you insane for waking up at an ungodly hour just to see the sunrise. But more than often it was because you couldn’t sleep and last night was no exception.

You managed to find your way up to the hotel roof at 5am, seeing the first few orange streaks in the purple-ish clouds, and walked on over closer to the railing.

You wrapped Vince’s jacket - the only thing you could find in the darkness and you couldn’t afford to lose more time finding something else - tighter around your body. Yes, LA had a reputation for being warm all the time, but only when the sun was out.

Thoughts of the past few days flowed through your mind as you saw rays of the orange light flood onto the floor.

Vince was right though, maybe you and Roger weren’t ‘destined to be’. Did that mean you were finally over him? All thanks to Vince himself?

Even if that was the case, you were still mad at him. You wanted to go after the woman and apologise, both on his behalf and your own, but after seeing her with Roger, you began to think that she deserved it.

Turning back around to find a seat, you spotted a metal bench and made yourself somewhat comfy. Your head angled itself so that the back of your head rested on the top of the cold railings, trying your best to ignore how blatantly uncomfortable it felt. Besides, your mind whirred in thought too much for you to even realise it.

Maybe it was how deep in thought you were, or maybe it was because you were starting to fall asleep, but you didn’t realise that Roger had come up to the roof. And you certainly didn’t realise how intently he was admiring you and how you were hugging your knees and staring into the landscape.

“Uh, hey.” he finally cleared his throat to say. You didn’t really have the energy to turn around, especially because you could already recognise the voice.

“Hi.” you returned, failing to meet Roger’s eyes when he made his way over to slump down beside you.

“You didn’t come down for breakfast, so Freddie sent me up to say sorry...or something.”

“I’m late for breakfast? Isn’t it 5?”

Roger let out a sharp laugh at that, so you returned with a look of annoyance. It was way too early to deal with this.

“Maybe it was when you got here.”

You looked down at your watch, eyes widening in shock when you saw that 3 hours had passed.

“Oh whatever, I can wait ‘til lunch.” you relaxed, too tired to even care at this point.

“How did you even know I was here?”

“I guess I know you too well,” he shrugged, “or, at least I thought I did.”

“Oh, that’s what you’re here to talk about. Look, I don’t know how it happened, okay?”

“Yes, but- Y/N I told you I missed you and you just-”

He was struggling, you could tell from the way he paused and groaned in exasperation to let his head fall into his hands.

“You know how unfair that is, right? You had 13 years to say something, but you never did. You brought this on yourself, Roger.”

“I- I know, that’s why I don’t know what to...feel...and Fred wanted me to apologise-”

“It’s alright.” you cut in as a desperate way to help him from struggling so hard.

“H-how do you feel about...me?”

“Rog…” you sighed.

Picking his head up out of his hands, he turned to look at you, his face full of worry when he saw that you still hadn’t moved an inch.

“You know I really like you, I always have and I always will…”

“So what’s stopping you?”

“Everything. Brian, our age-”

“It’s Vince, isn’t it?”

You gave him an irritated sigh again, hoping he’d take it as a sign that you wanted to change the subject. It was the first time the two of you had even discussed what your relationship was, but he could not have picked a worse time to do so.

Giving up, he finally realised the position your neck was in and let out a little chuckle, in hopes that it would be enough to change the topic and lighten the mood.

“Is that even comfortable?”

“Not really,” you laughed in return, “but it’s the only thing that’s stopping the throbbing in my head.”

“Course you got a sore head, you’ve drunk two nights in a row. Uh, here.”

You looked up to see him patting his shoulder and decided it would be better to rest there instead. He used one of of his hands to guide your head, before snaking down your shoulders to place itself on your arm. You grinned to yourself when you felt his hand rubbing your shoulder, while the other rested on the bare skin of your leg, lazily and platonically.

“This might...sound weird...but have you ever thought about what you want to do? I mean, you can’t be around us forever.”

“Christ, you sound exactly like Brian.” you giggled.

“Well he’s right, y’know, you have to find something to spend the rest of your life doing.”

“But I literally can’t do anything. Like, I barely even went to school, because half of the time you guys were too tired or too busy writing songs to drive me there. The only time I actually went was when Oliver’s parents drove me.”

“Oh yeah, Oliver. Never liked that chap. He seemed distracted all the time. But he had you as a girlfriend, I don’t blame him.”

Your cheek grew warmer against his shoulder, but as soon as he realised what he had let slip out, he did everything he could to stop you from talking about it further.

“And don’t say that you can’t do anything, ‘cause I’ve heard you play the organ.”

“God, you’re a genius, I could get a job in a church!”

For some reason, he seemed to think that was the funniest joke in the world, seeing that his chest was rising up and down rapidly as he bellowed in laughter. You joined him, equally as amused, letting yourself get distracted from the conversation you had managed to throw away.

“Hey, uh, speaking of the organ. Freddie managed to seal Vince’s band their record deal and they really want us to be there for their first official concert, to say thanks and whatever, and Freddie suggested we do ‘The Chain’, ‘cause that’s your favourite song...and because you’re the only one that can play the organ...”

“Absolutely not.”

You loved ‘The Chain’. You loved Stevie Nicks, her voice, her words and the meaning behind them. But you had always associated that song with Roger.

“What? Why?”

“For starters, I’m still mad at the both of you.” you said, sitting up straight out of his arm.

“But you’re not mad at Brian, Freddie or John. And you haven’t met the rest of the band. You’d absolutely love Tommy, he’s like a child in an adult body. Reminds me a lot of you.”

“Fuck you too.” you snorted.

“Oi, watch your mouth.” he chuckled in return.

A few seconds of silence passed again as you weighed your options for what you could do.

“Alright fine. But only because I’m not letting Brian down. Or Stevie Nicks.”

He laughed again, watching as you got up off the bench and were headed back indoors.

“I look ridiculous.” you told Freddie, standing in front of a mirror as he zipped the back of your purple leather dress.

It looked as if a low neck, leather top was sewed onto a flared, leather skirt, while being horribly tight around you. But you weren’t going to lie by saying you didn’t look great.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this self conscious in my 26 years of living.”

“Oh, don’t be so fucking daft, darling, you look fantastic.” he said, smearing some bright red lipstick on your lips. You had done everyone else’s makeup in that hour, but you spent a little while longer on Roger as a result of him mucking around.

“You know you look absolutely gorgeous in anything. And you already have two men drooling over you, imagine what they’d be like after seeing you like this.”

He fluffed up your hair again as a final touch for your outfit and gave you a toothy, reassuring smile.

“On the subject of those two men...can I ask you something?” you said, giggling slightly at his comment.

“Always, love.”

“When we went to see them live, I noticed that Stevie and Lindsey kept looking at each other, like they were singing this song to each other. And it made sense, ‘cause, y’know, that’s what the song’s about - them not wanting to lose their love, because if they did they’d never get it back.”

“And you were wondering who you should sing it to?”

You nodded, letting a sigh out along with it.

Freddie noticed that both bands were just an earshot away and if they concentrated, they would definitely be able to hear your concentration.

“I can’t speak for your mind, darling. Just go with what’s natural.”

“That would be Roger.”

“There you have it.”

“But-”

“Vince is quite alluring, isn’t he?”

“And he told me something really...wise, to be honest. He said if we were meant to date, we would’ve by now.”

“That is a good point. But listen-”

Before he could tell you anything else, the stage manager had knocked on the door and warned you all that there were only 5 minutes left until they were expected onstage.

You and Freddie both made your way back to the boys, not at all surprised to be greeted by wolf whistles and cheers from the younger ones. The fact that their leather jackets had the same ridiculous studs and patterns as your skirt eased your nerves a bit, because you didn’t feel as embarrassed. Besides, you were more than used to trying on Freddie’s and Roger’s clothes in the past. This was nothing compared to that.

“Leather really suits you, Y/N.” Roger commented with a sweet smile.

“Yeah, especially that jacket that I gave you. You gonna wear it?” Vince tried his luck.

You had been giving him the silent treatment from the moment you got here. Sure, you couldn’t help laughing at the greeting he yelled when he saw you (“Ah, the royal fuckers made it!”), but besides that you wanted him to know what he did was bad.

“Actually, I wanted to give it back. It’s not like I was gonna keep it anyways.” you snapped, grabbing the jacket you slung over a chair earlier so that you could shove it on his chest.

Subconsciously, you found your eyes flickering up to meet his and it made you stop your actions altogether. There was a hint of sadness in them, like they were screaming ‘red from crying myself to sleep last night’, but it could’ve easily been ‘red from smoking a blunt’. It wasn’t easy to tell from a guy like Vince.

Maybe you were misjudging him though, because ‘a guy like Vince’ wouldn’t be this affected by his mistake only because of the girl he cheated with.

Girl he cheated with. You felt disgusting. But the feeling couldn’t stay for long, thanks to your own empathy. You blamed Brian for the fact that you care too much.

“Actually, it might look good with the purple on my dress.” you spoke softly, taking your arm back to put the jacket on.

It was a way of forgiving Vince, because if anyone would know how it felt to act out because you had feelings for someone, it was you.

John walked toward you with his blue shirt and the same leather jacket as everyone else. It was hilarious, you felt like a motorcycle gang of rainbows, having guitarists in red, the singers in yellow, drummers in green, bassists in blue and you in purple. He was the last one to meet them, having to perfect the curly mess of hair on his head so that his furious bopping onstage wouldn’t ruin it.

“Looking good, D!” Tommy said, greeting him with a high five.

“Yeah, yeah, took you long enough.” Roger grumbled, picking up the drum stick he had managed to drop due to attempting one of Tommy’s drumstick twirls. He seemed to give out another huff of annoyance after you, John and Tommy - the only ones that saw what happened - laughed at him.

“Right. Let’s get going, shall we?” Brian said, managing to peel himself away from a very deep conversation about guitars with Mick and turned to lead both bands to the wings of the stage, holding various doors open for them along the way.

There was no doubt that the nervousness was visible in the younger band. John managed to calm Tommy down and talk him out of drinking right before the show, Freddie kept reminding Nikki how proud he was of them, Roger was trying his best not to bite Vince’s head off but gave him useful tips to ease the nerves and Mick and Brian lagged behind, laughing at them.

You noticed Freddie’s jolly expression turn to that of concern when he looked from the stage and back to you. Returning with furrowed eyebrows, which he then answered by nodding over to the stage, you immediately grew more nauseous.

The stage was set perfectly for the situation you were in. The organ was placed so that you faced both the drumkit and the microphones. Great.

You let out a shaky sigh as both John and Freddie gave you a reassuring pat on the back, before turning to give Brian a hug. Despite having made fun of the boys, he tended to be the most nervous one before shows, so you couldn’t even being to think how scared he was to perform with another band.

“What if they hate it?” he said as you pulled out of the hug.

“Bri, you’re asking me if people’ll hate one of England’s greatest bands.” you said with a teasing chuckle.

“Don’t worry, everyone loves it when there’s a change of routine. You of all people should know that, being in a band with Freddie Mercury.”

“Huh, and people call me the smart one. Thanks, sis.” he laughed, before turning around to set up his guitar.

With a scoff of disbelief, you decided to join Freddie and Vince as they were vocalising and warming up their voices, but it shortly turned into a competition of who could reach the highest note.

Of course you won out of the three, using your higher pitched voice as an advantage, but Vince came very near to beating you.

“Ah, it seems like Roger’s got competition.” Freddie had joked, causing everyone onstage (apart from Roger) to erupt into laughter.

That was over as soon as it started, seeing as the stage managers in the wings were frantically waving for silence onstage so that they could flip the spotlights on.

“Please put your hands together for Mötley Crüe!” you heard from the loudspeakers around you. It emitted a tiny roar of excitement, nothing compared to the reaction Queen got.

“And joining them tonight, England’s royal highness, Queen!”

The curtains drew back and you were suddenly greeted by the faces of thousands, screaming and chanting their names like bloody murder. They seemed like restless, tiny blobs of colour, the way you always perceived the audience to be ever since Roger used it to calm you down.

It was right before a gig at the Rainbow back in London. Both Brian and Freddie had insisted that you sang and played with them for one song and you gave in, but you were an easily frightened teenager and didn’t know what to do. Roger spent the day calming you down to the point where you ran onstage with nothing but confidence.

“Ready Freddie?” Roger repeated the words he was so used to before every show.

Freddie gave him and Tommy both a nod to start their drumming before turning to give you a nod to start playing.

And it went really well. Everything was perfect. Your high pitch matched with Freddie’s and Vince’s low tones, the organ sound fit perfectly along with Brian and Mick’s guitars, which you could keep in time with thanks to Tommy and Roger on the drums. Nikki had nothing to do for the time being, so John had kept him occupied by teaching him a few moves that he clumsily followed.

The audience enthusiastically clapped along with the two drummers, on the edge of their seats to see how brilliantly the two sounds were going to mix during the chorus.

But as soon as you thought all of your own fears had melted away, you made a mistake. Not a noticeable one that ruined both bands’ reputation, but one that was sure to ruin your relationship with one of the ‘two men drooling over you’.

You looked up and met Vince’s eyes.

“And if you don’t love me now, you will never love me again...”

You wanted to break the eye contact, but the audience was going absolutely ballistic and the giddiness on his face when he took the small action as a way to confirm that you weren’t mad at him anymore gave you double the guilt you already had. You knew that Mötley Crüe needed this. It was a good way to kick start their band, a way to gain more popularity by actually putting on a show for the audience.

And because you were set on doing things for the audience, you let Vince pull you up from the organ seat and lead you by the hand to the centre of the stage during the little bass solo. The two of you bobbed your heads in time to the gradual crescendo of the drums and you let out a yelp when Vince picked you up by the waist, spinning you around a couple times.

As you were gasping and squealing along with the audience, Vince used his hands to ensure your legs were wrapped around his waist before sliding around your waist. By letting your head fall in the crook of his neck, you deepened the hug.

“Chain, keep us together.” you sang into Vince’s mic once you were on the ground again.

“Running in the shadows.” he sang back, leaning over your shoulder so that his arms stayed wrapped around your waist. His lips then fell on your shoulder to give a quick peck.

Tommy noticed how the drummer’s arms swung down harder by each second, the expression on his face growing angrier.

“Yo!” he hissed to Roger, then doing it louder the second time when the first one failed to get his attention.

“If you break the toms, you’re paying for a whole kit.”

“Sorry.” Roger mumbled, returning his strength back to the softness it was before.

The song ended and Vince made you curtsey (while the rest of Queen bowed, of course) before giving you a kiss on the cheek and a teasing slap on the ass to send you off backstage.

And you didn’t think much of it, because it was only for the audience.

It was only for the audience.

The sentence was the only thing that kept Roger calm.

It was only for the audience.

Vince didn’t mean it and you didn’t actually choose him.

You were sat on the floor of the band’s apartment, chatting away with a drunk/slightly high Nikki and finding out that the two of you were more similar than you thought you were.

The topic of parents came up when you noticed a lady had walked over to you, holding out a plate with two lines of coke. Nikki looked ecstatic, rubbing his hands together before picking up the tiny, metal straw. He looked at your blank expression and pointed to the second straw on the plate in confirmation.

“Oh, I don’t-”

“Just one line. I promise I won’t make you an addict.” he laughed.

“I’m good, thank you though.” you laughed in return.

And just on cue, Freddie had waltzed his way over.

“Yo Fred! Want a line?”

“Course I do!” he exclaimed, picking up the straw and copying Nikki’s movements from before.

“I didn’t know cocaine was your thing, Fred.”

“Neither did I. But it doesn’t hurt to try new things. Have a great night, darlings. Ta!” he cheered, getting up to turn on his heel and walk away.

You were about to ask Nikki for a line yourself, but Tommy shortly stumbled toward you after Freddie had left.

“Y/N...I have a serious question for you.” he spoke, forcing creases on his forehead to show that he was indeed being serious. It concerned you, if you were being honest.

“Sure…”

“Are you a witch?” he continued, still no sign of it being a joke on his face.

But you did notice that there was something off in his eyes and you turned to Nikki for help. He only mouthed the word ‘drugs’ and gave a very drawn out nod to ensure that you understood, which you showed by laughing.

“And why do you think that?”

“‘Cause Vince is going crazy about you, dude! It’s like you’ve got him in a spell or some shit. Look.”

And sure enough, you heard the repetitive chanting of your name, accompanied by the blonde singer hopping around the place.

“It’s fucking wild, man. He’s never done this for any other girl.”

You felt your cheeks heating up wildly at the realisation, more so when he decided to add the words ‘I’ and ‘love’ in the mix.

“Who’s up for a beer drinking contest?” he suddenly screamed, evoking a loud cheer from everyone at the party.

There was only one voice that didn’t do the same.

“We don’t have any fucking beers, dumbass.” Mick chuckled.

“Well, I’ll go get some.” he slurred, stumbling his way over to the ashtray in which his car keys were, but falling before he had the chance to even stand up properly.

“Take Y/N with you. She’s the only sober one here.” Tommy chipped in, earning drunk nods of the head from the rest of the boys that wanted you two to make up.

Roger himself nodded, too enticed in an argument with a woman about how bad Queen’s music was. But he didn’t seem mad, rather the opposite. They kept giving each other teasing touches and you suddenly didn’t want to be sober anymore.

You managed to steal Vince’s bottle of vodka and take a swig from it as you were walking out of the house, resulting in him giving out a cry at his stolen good.

“Shit...I didn’t bring my license.” you huffed after you had ruffled through your purse.

“‘S fine, I can drive.” he mumbled, slamming his hip square against the back of his car.

“You sure about that?” you giggled, tightening your grip around the neck of the bottle when he tried to grab for it.

“I know these roads like the back of my hand, pretty lady. And you know how much I look at that.” he winked.

His hands fumbled on his car keys, but eventually managed to put the key in and start the car. For a drunk man, he was surprisingly good at driving, but you guessed it was just muscle memory.

The car radio played softly, tinkling out different hits from the 70s. Vince drunkenly nodded along to the beat of the songs, singing along if he knew the words or looking over to you singing and laughing at the exaggerated movements you made to the love songs.

You loved the way he laughed. You loved the way his teeth glistened and his eyes shone when he did and how the night lights enunciated all of that. The sound itself was boyish and charming and made your heart soar every time you heard it and washed away some of the fears you had letting a drunk man drive.

“Wait wait wait...I need to pull over.” he stated after 5 songs, slowing the car down and parking it on the sidewalk.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“...I want a blowjob.”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake Vince.” you laughed, slapping his arm playfully.

“No don’t worry, that’s not the reason.”

The smirk he gave you before he left the car made you fear for your life even more.

He appeared once again, now right outside the car door, and opened it up for you.

“M’lady.” he kept the smirk, earning a playful kiss on the cheek from you as you got out of the car.

He took your hand and lead you in the direction of a tatty, old and seemingly abandoned building, with its door broken so anyone could come in. There were no signs, but it screamed ‘keep out’. And Vince didn’t obey.

He dragged you through the endless corridor, which was only lit up by a few lamps scattered on the walls here and there, but you eventually managed to end up in a place that felt colder. Dragging you to a stop, he slammed his hand on the wall and activated some kind of switch that lit up the pool in front of you.

“This place always looks better at night.” he spoke proudly.

“Vince, why are we here?” you asked, trying your best not to sound as irritated as you were.

As you stood there grumbling to yourself, you didn’t notice that Vince had put you on the perfect spot right on the edge of the pool and had lined his hands on your shoulders to push you in.

You fell in with a scream and a loud splash, flailing your arms and legs around desperately to get above water.

Seeing Vince collapsing to the ground in laughter sent something through you. It wasn’t anger or irritation - you just wanted to find a way to get back. So you swam up to the edge and had him perch closer to you.

His childish grin and droopy, naïve eyes almost made you feel bad for even planning your impromptu revenge, so you decided to take it easy on him. You bunched up the front of his shirt and pulled him toward you with your lips puckered, but ducked under the water before your lips could touch. It caused him to tumble into the pool beside you and a louder fit of laughter from you.

“You asshole! I can’t swim!” he gargled, swinging his arms around in desperate need of something to grab on.

A pang of guilt hit you in the chest and you immediately made your way over to him, avoiding the splashes of water the best you could. But as soon as he had access to your shoulders, he found a way to push you down underwater, completely off-guard so you didn’t have the chance to take a deep breath, and kept you there for a few seconds.

When you came back up, you were fuelled with nothing but anger. Maybe a little bit of hysteria along with it.

“Wanker!”

You managed to send a huge wave of water crash over him with your arm, to which he returned the favour and did the same, and things continued like that for a bit. Until he dived down at the same time as you and grabbed your cheeks, feeling him pull you in for a kiss.

Slowly, your laughter came to a halt after the two of you came back up for air, him getting a chance to get a hold of your legs and wrap them around his waist for you. It also gave you both a chance to look into each other’s eyes properly, like when you were in the bathroom, or when you were onstage.

There was still that sense of awe in the way he looked back at you and it was still evident despite the alcohol. It warmed your heart to see, but it didn’t feel right at the same time.

“Stop thinking.” he grumbled, wading through the water over to the edge of the pool with you still in his hold.

“What d’ya mean?” you queried when he hoisted you up onto the concrete surface again.

“Lemme show you.” he stated, reaching over to the jacket he smartly placed on the poolside before you pulled him in. You hadn’t even noticed he had bought his Polaroid along with him, due to the fact that the bag holding the camera was hidden under his jacket.

(thank daniel webber for inspiring this part, i love his photography)

“Say cheese!” he said after pulling the camera out, drawing out the ‘e’ in an adoring manner.

So you gave him a big smile as you were blinded by the flash for a few seconds, but when he looked at what he had taken, you saw that the smile on his own face had disappeared.

“What’s wrong?” you pushed when he didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

“You’re thinking.” he repeated, showing you the picture. You couldn’t see what was wrong, though.

“The light from the pool fills your eyes and your face perfectly. You’re so fucking gorgeous. But your smile ain’t right, babe.”

You bit your lip, not because you didn’t understand what he meant, but you were scared of what he was implying.

“You wish I was Roger, don’t you?”

The sentence hit harder than it was supposed to. Even Vince could see that.

“I- Vince-”

“Nah, it’s fine. I can take you back.” he hummed sadly, hoisting himself onto the poolside next to you.

“No- Vince, please, I want to be here.” you said, but even he could detect the uncertainty in your words.

“I want you.” you corrected yourself

“Then prove it.”

You pulled him by the neck for a rough, messy kiss, causing him to topple onto you. But he pulled away as quick as the kiss started.

“I’d continue if it wasn’t for those two cockblockers standing there.” he answered your confused expression.

You turned to look at what Vince was referring to, only to meet the eyes of two scary-looking security guards (that’s what you assumed they were at least) towering over the two of you with stern faces and crossed arms.

“You’ve got 5 seconds to leave before we call the cops.”

With that, Vince leapt off you and pulled you up with him so that you could bolt out the building into your car again, laughing like mad men along the way.

“That was the most embarrassing to ever happen to me.” you half-mumbled, half-laughed to yourself.

“Let’s get these fuckin’ beers!” he whooped, igniting the car once more and speeding down the road.

It didn’t take long for Vince to drive to the nearest gas station and use his rockstar money to get 8 boxes of 8 cans of beer, which he then had to buckle a seatbelt over because it was his ‘duty as a father to protect his children’ and ‘you’re the mother, you should be concerned about their safety too’.

The ride back to their apartment had a lot of stopping and starting again, as Vince kept his hand on your thigh and couldn’t help going further. You had to frequently scold him and tell him to keep his eyes on the road, but of course he didn’t want to.

‘Baby, It’s You’ started to play on the radio and the two of you simultaneously went to turn the volume up. Vince then rolled down all the windows so that everyone in their cars and their pet dogs could hear the song and your voices harmonising/borderline screaming.

But Vince didn’t keep his eyes on the road at all and you were having too much fun to notice. He leant in to your side to try and steal a kiss, but he pulled the steering wheel in the same direction without realising it. The car skidded and spun in the direction of the grassy field next to you and before you had the chance to grab the wheel and put the car back on track, two blinding lights suddenly appeared in the darkness with a blaring noise you assumed was the horn.

The only sounds you could hear after that was the shattering of glass, the screeching of both cars attempting to break and the song quietly playing in the background. Only, it wasn’t The Beatles’ soothing vocals, nor was it Vince’s.

“I love you too, Roger.”

“Holy shit.”

TAGLIST: @lifesasickjoke @slowandangry @rrrogah-tayluhh @fatbottomedgorl @ugly-shirts-girl @marvelismylifffe @iluvmesomemarvelndc @kawennote09 @totallynotkaibiased @amy-brooklyn99 @hannafuckingsucks @miss2001babe @anxious-diabetic @drowsebaby

PART 4

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1000roughdrafts · 5 years

Text

When Reality Starts to Falter - Part 2

Summary: you get a call from your ex, Jared, to work a few scenes on the set of Supernatural as a hunter that takes a liking to Dean. The producers love the chemistry between you and Jensen, so they decide to give you a full time gig. Feelings for Jared come back in a flush, but over time, as your character falls for Dean, you find yourself falling for Jensen.

A/N: Posting this 2 hours early because I’m having SO much fun with this so far! Couple things I have to note before we continue:

When dating Jared, Y/N was an actress on a television show I ‘created’ specifically for this fic called Code Red, as a character named Pamela Banks.

Your characters name on Supernatural is Bell.

Italics are the Supernatural scenes, or YN’s thoughts - I hope it’s not too difficult to discern

A/N 2: Uhm, also...I don’t really know where the goofball!Misha thing came from, but I made myself laugh when I wrote it - so you get to be a victim to that, too.

Pairings: Ex!Jared X actress!Reader, Dean Winchester X hunter!reader (and single!Jensen X actress!reader in the future)

Warnings: swearing, supernatural themed violence/action, confusing!Jared (idk how else to put that-you’ll see), general angst, angst/snubbing from Jared, fluffy support from Jensen

Word Count: almost 1.8k

Part One Master List

Opening the passenger door of the Impala, the breeze wraps itself around you in a cordial, tepid hug. You sweep your feet out and stand up, adjusting your outfit. It’s eerily dim. The sun’s reflection on the clouds is the only true light offered to you as you stare in horror at the people running from the fairground’s entrance.

A siren is blaring just loud enough that parents are covering the ears of their children. A strange feeling sits in your gut while you watch the police guide the families out into the parking lot. Sam coasts to your side and places your FBI badge into your hand, “you ready?”

His eyebrows raise as you look up at him, only mumbling a reply. “You’ve been pretty out of it the last few days and-”

“I’m fine, Sam,” you snarl. Forcing a foot in front of you, you pedal towards the entrance and push through the mob. With his height, it doesn’t take very long for Sam to catch up to you. The conversation between the two of you is choppy as you walk against the flow of traffic, and attempts at masking the siren’s screaming.

Since Dean left with Jody and Bobby to work a ‘small, quick’ case, Sam had been nipping at your heels, pleading for a case much like a dog holding a leash in it’s mouth and nuzzling at their owner.

Small, you think, recalling the story Dean had relayed to you about his last encounter with a Djinn. You bite the inside of your lip in worry, unable to take your mind off of him, hoping that he’s okay.

It’s been a few days since you heard anything and when you asked Sam about it he’d shrugged it off. Said something about how he’s a good hunter, and Jody and Bobby would never let anything happen to him. You shake away the thoughts.

As you get closer to a tent in the back of the circus, you see a man wearing a lousy cape and a top hat. You scoff at his wanna-be magician appearance. Initiating a stand-off, you fold your arms and halt to a stop. Sam, apparently not paying attention, slams into you. Grunting irritably, you lurch forward and catch your balance with one, agile step.

Immediately and aggressively, you confront the caped man. “Where is it?” you shout. “I know it was you. I had visions of it!”

Sam jerks his head in your direction, giving you a concerned glance. You ignore it, figuring you would now have to explain sooner rather than later, but press in on the suspect. The ‘magician’ laughs, taking a step forward.

Shrugging, he slows his drawl, “if you saw it then why don’t you tell us where it is?” he asks in the most cynical and creepy of tones.

“Freakin’ bastard,” you spit and lunge for him.

You don’t feel Sam’s hands on your arms, gripping firmly to hold you back, until you’re moving in place. You wiggle around in his clutch, “Sam! What the Hell are you doing?” The magician’s bouncing laugh riles a fury inside of you.

“Not. Here.” Sam whispers between clenched teeth into your ear. You elbow him in the stomach. He grunts out a wheezy breath, but doesn’t relent his grip.

“Let me go, damn it!” you cry, and only when the magician disappears does Sam let you out of his grasp. You fall to the ground, growling at him. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice the forensics team have pulled up a brown tarp.

Brushing off their confounded expressions you focus on the patch of packed dirt that was underneath it, with what look like five gopher holes. They are small and organized in a strange, zig-zag pattern. You tilt your head at them in confusion. A gasp escapes your throat, causing you to choke on your breath.

You leap up and grip onto Sam’s arm, ignoring his prior assault as a new obstacle comes to light. “I think these are decoys, Sam. Uh, think like model trains that replicate a real one. There are bombs, I think, scattered across town.”

You’re on the brink of hyperventilating, but suck in a deep breath. “I saw them in a dream last night. We have to figure out how this correlates and stop it!” You push off of Sam and begin running back to the entrance, yelling out, “call Dean!”

“Dream?” Sam questions. “Bell! Where are you going?” He cups his hands around his mouth as he calls out.

Without looking back, and not particularly bothered whether he hears you or not, you say, “to find Crowley.”

“And cut!” The director’s voice brings you back to reality. “Wonderful job, everyone. How about lunch?”

You hunch over, dropping your hands to your knees to catch your breath. Right. Lunch. Acting.

The reason you dropped out of the media wasn’t entirely because of your less than amicable break-up with Jared. In fact, that didn’t even make it onto the list. You had a ruinous habit of taking things on, getting too engrossed and becoming one with your character in the worst ways imaginable.

When you played a supporting role on Code Red, you completely flew off the handle when the main character, your best friend, died in the season finale. The entire crew, from the producers to hair and make up to your co-stars, applauded the authenticity of your characters reaction and threw a celebratory bash to commend and treasure your work.

Fans went crazy, you won awards. It was in the news, in the tabloids. You were named Actress of the Year by one of the most popular drama television series magazines. Your expeditious rise to the top of fame was torturous to say the least. Only your agent and Jared knew the truth. You had lost grip on reality. For a few sleepless and caffeine fueled days, you were no longer Y/N Y/L/N. You had, in your mind, really become and taken over the life of Pamela Banks; a wife, a mother, a faithful nurse and a woman who’d lost her best friend in a brutal accident.

You spent hours crying over your lines as you rehearsed them through the panic attacks. You pushed on. You fought against your instincts to ask the producer to just kill off your character instead. It wouldn’t have been the same that way, though, and you knew it. So alternatively, you played the part. You watched your best friend die in front of you, and it sent you spiraling into the worst spell of depression in your 26 years of life.

A hand pats on your back. You peek under your arm as Jensen lets out a sympathetic laugh, “you alright there, kiddo?”

Pulling your body back up, you laugh with him. “Yeah, just out of shape, I suppose.”

He wraps an arm around your shoulders, “you bring lunch today?”

You laugh, “yeah. I don’t know what I was thinking!” Catching Jared’s attention as you sway to the table under Jensen’s arm, his eyes squint slightly before a smile lights up his face. “I didn’t even think about lunch yesterday,” you look up at Jensen, giving an honest smile. “Thanks for sharin’ yours with a stranger.”

He pulls his arm away, but keeps a hand on your shoulder. “You’re not a stranger! It’s just been a while,” he winks, plopping down at the table with his sandwich and a bag of fruit.

Jared keeps a fixed stare on you as he sits across from Jensen. Only you would know that it’s a look of ire and ill-suited lust. You keep your eyes on him, omitting the rights to the muscles in your face. You don’t know what reaction you have to his expressions, you only know that he’s married and looking at you with vexation and a longing, desperation in his eyes.

You had never known him to be a complicated man, so why is he giving you the impression that he’s jealous of Jensen’s harmless embrace? He invited you here, and how he’s acting like he regrets it. Or worse, like his feelings have resurfaced as well.

Or did he call you to work on one of the most tormenting and grueling shows only to bring you back to that low point? Maybe it’s just in your mind. He couldn’t be that spiteful.

Or could he?

“You must be Y/N!” A voice proclaims as energetically as a puppy. “So glad to meet you. I’m Cas-” he cracks out a bellowing laughter, watching as Jensen and Jared roll their eyes. “Oops,” he says sarcastically, drawing a finger to his lip and looking back at you. “I almost name dropped my character, didn’t I? My bad,” he jokes, waving a hand dismissively before holding it out to you. “Nah, I’m just playin’. I’m Misha.”

You smile, shaking his hand and cutting in before he can continue, “Misha. Yes,” you chuckle. “Sorry I missed you yesterday, but it’s very nice to meet you.” Pulling your hand away you nod between the three of them, “I’ll see you all in an hour.”

Starting to turn and walk down the set, Jensen calls out your name. “Yes?” You flip around to see him standing now, twisting the top half of his body in your direction.

“You’re not gonna eat with us?”

“Not today,” you grin. “I thought I’d head to that, uh, new pizza place. It looked appetizing,” you flash an ear to ear smile, hoping to hide behind it while you spin your web of lies.

He pressures you, “you could get it to-go? I’m sure these lovely people here would like to get to know you better,” he waves his hand around the table at familiar, nodding and smiley faces. He shrugs in victory, looking back at you.

“Thanks, but I-” you fiddle with your elbow, blushing imperceptibly. Throwing your hand out to the side and propping it on your rip, you open your mouth to spew another lie about calling your ‘fiance’.

“I brought pie,” he offers, holding the container up. “In honor of Dean.” He smirks, “he’s going through a tough time, thought I’d get him his favorite. I can share-”

“Drop it, man. She said she’s going out. Let her,” Jared shoves a spoon full of soup into his mouth, raising his eyebrows and tilting his head at Jensen.

You furrow your brows, but smile weakly and turn away. Heat fills your cheeks as you briskly walk to the back door and out to your rental car. Flopping down in the seat, your phone vibrates against your side.

<3 If you would like to be tagged in any upcoming chapters let me know here! Have any feedback?

@awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @fangirl490 @judewinchester123

Part Three

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thisdiscontentedwinter · 5 years

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A long-ass response to nonnie dude

First of all, you said nothing about what made this cute guy accomplished. So he’s cute and has married rich? So what? What are his actual accomplishments? Has he mastered a difficult skill? Has he made himself a better person with more integrity or self-discipline? You need to rethink the definition of success. “Not to mention, I feel like a failure since I thought I had been doing better for a whole year” Doing better doesn’t mean “doing better than other people” or “doing better than random people on the internet who only portray the things that they want you to see,” it means doing or being better than you yourself were before. Congrats, you have succeeded! You’re right, time isn’t stopping. So you have two choices in life: 1) follow your passions and do what makes you happy 2) not do what makes you happy, and live and die miserable, regretting your life as you live it, and regretting it when you’re dying, and all the while you will be inflicted by guilt, regret, anxiety, and depression, etc.

And you’re saying that it’s too late to do number 1) because you’re already 26 and can’t earn money from it right now? (As if it’s not possible to earn money from it later!) I can’t formulate it into words how ridiculous it sounds to me that you can’t do what makes you happy if you can’t earn money from it. Is happiness only worthwhile if it comes with money? Lol, what sort of nonsense. “Reading and looking at beautiful works of fine art makes me feel elated and alive, but I can’t do it because it doesn’t make me money!” You see how nonsensical this is? (How many fics - or traditionally pusblished books - do you think would exist if people only wrote for money, not for the love of it?) You’re going to die one day, so what the fuck do you have to lose by doing what makes you happy? You have your life to lose by doing what makes you unhappy, btw. So you’re 26. Let’s say you live until 66, ‘cause I slept 2 ½ hours and did 3 hours of taekwondo today and don’t want to do any math - so you have 40 years left. 40 years (and you’ll probably live longer, if you take proper care of yourself) is enough to master several skills, or several instruments and several languages, if you wish to stick to only those two. Even if you only master them by age 65, you spent your life doing the things you love doing, so wtf did you actully lose by doing them? Also, why do you measure success by money? Isn’t doing what you love and developing yourself as a person, whether you ever get money for it or not, a much better measure of success? Or do you consider all the artists who were ahead of their time and died in poverty failures, or think they should’ve done something else since they never earned money from their art? If not, why do you have this double standard for youself? “I’m 26 now, but I feel I can never get away from my parents’ rules & influence.” That’s literally nothing but a feeling you have. It’s not actually stopping you, which you’ll notice if you actually do something outside of your parents’ influence. People are always justifying how they can’t do things because of some feeling or other, but it’s possible to have the feeling and choose to work from another part of you - a part that’s courageous, for instance, or passionate about music or languages. Feelings are irrational as shit, and you’d do well not to think you are your feelings, but look at them logically and as moods that will pass. I was really jealous a couple of months ago, but I looked at it objectively, deemed it bullshit, had several good laughs over how dumb my own feelings were, and did nothing about my jealousy except logic it away. I didn’t take it to heart - it’s just a feeling, a fleeting thing based on the experiences I’ve had in my life. It doesn’t really have much to do with reality. Your parents aren’t stopping you here with feelings - you are. Idk what your living or financial situation is, but if you’re only able to do what you love secretly, then fucking do it secretly. If it helps, I took until 30 (I’m 32 now) to figure out what I want. I absolutely wasted my 20s. I could now throw in the towel because of my age, and my life thereafter would be a fairly meaningless passage of time, going from one thing to the next. But time (my life) will pass regardless of what I do with it, so I can waste it or do something fucking useful with it, whether it brings me financial success or not. And let me tell you, I’m far happier broke and uneducated than my highly educated saving-for-a-house friend who lets her parents’ and society’s bs get to her, and determines success by external markers - marriage, owning a home, etc. She doesn’t like her job despite being educated for it: she chose it for financial security, which she isn’t even getting like she thought she would. She has so much anxiety and depression and feels like a failure because she’s not married and doesn’t have her house, despite her being way more successful than I am in all of these external ways. Measuring success this way will only bring discontentment, because there will always be people richer and whatever - but also because it’s external. I believe that real, lasting happiness comes from internal things - such as sense of accomplishment by skill acquisition, i.e. mastery; growing as a person via self-reflection, or devoting yourself to a cause bigger than you, such as a charity or art, etc. I think you know this, too, because you said music and languages instead of money and a good-looking partner! (Speaking of looks - you will be far more attractive when you speak several languages, sing, and play an instrument or two, whether you make a penny for it or not. If you live a bitter, regretful life, even if you’re a rich engineer, you will be less attractive, 'cause it absolutely shows. If you want to be more attractive, do what makes you happy.) Also, you are FAR ahead of most people because you know what you want. Most have no clue and thus spend their lives passively consuming and ignoring the fact that they’re wasting their lives in meaningless mediocrity. Your problem now is that, having achieved this knowledge, you can’t waste away your life and make-believe that it was well spent - you’ll know it wasn’t, because you know what you really want. So you can choose a life of increasing anxiety and physical & psychological sufferings, or simply do what you love. It’s that simple. Here are a few of my favourite quotes to end this long thing (whoops, sorry) with: “Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, in all the small uncaring ways.” (Stephen Vincent Benet) “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” (Marcus Aurelius) “Your task is simply to find the one or few things that you can excel in, and then make it your primary business in life to excel in those ways. To do otherwise, to disregard the treasures with which you are at least potentially gifted, is simply to waste your life - a path to nothingness.” (paraphrased from an Academy of Ideas video - I highly recommend them, the self-improvement playlist is a wake-up call after wake-up call. I listen to them regularly and take notes. You can find Academy of Ideas on YouTube.) “You’re no longer a child but an adult. If you’re negligent and lazy, keep delaying and making a collection of one good intention after another, naming day after day on which you’ll start to take care of yourself, you’ll just go on without getting better, and you’ll live and die miserable.” (Epictetus) “We are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it.” (Seneca) “If you plan on being anything less than you’re capable of being, you’ll probably be unhappy all the days of your life.” (Abraham Maslow) “If we delay the changes necessary in our life to truly live a fulfilling life, awareness of our mortality will give rise to nagging and increasingly intense feelings of guilt and regret. We will have chosen the safe road - the road of death, and we’ll spend our remaining days fleeing from the fact that we’re wasting our life.” (paraphrased from an Academy of Ideas video, or from The Way of Individuation by Jolande Jacobi) (All of these quotes I took from Academy of Ideas, actually. Good stuff.)

DW: I think there’s some great advice in here, and--so importantly to the original anon--there are a bunch of us out here who think you’re doing an amazing job at turning your mindset around and learning to become more forgiving of yourself, and more proud of your accomplishments!

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