Visited by Papa Legba?

So I want to preface this with I am a white (trans) man, I do not practice any sect of voodoo and am aware of the sensitivity around voodoo with people of other cultures, etc. While I grew up Christian I am not any longer and never was associated with Catholicism, I have no particular spirituality but follow closer to New Age than any specific type. And I am confused. I also want to clarify when I say "see" and "hear" in the following text, I mean in my minds-eye, not with my physical eyes/ears.

So a few years back I was visited by a spirit I later googled to be Papa Legba based on colors and vague attributes like cane and hat and such. I don't recall if I was high, meditating, dreaming, or just in a trance state. It was literally years ago. When I learned it was Papa Legba, I got really confused and decided to file it away as a one off and didn't touch it again because I have heard that there is a lot of cultural sensitivity around other cultures engaging in voodoo (idk if that's wholeheartedly true, but I didn't see a need for me to be involved for something that seemed like a one time shenanigan).

Skip ahead to a few months ago and I moved to Botswana, Africa. I recall I was attempting to look into the original religion of the area before colonization and learned about Orishas and Yoruba. I never actually got around to reading the books I downloaded, which I will be rectifying soon.

Recently I saw a video (yeah just a TikTok) about Eshu. The video strangely caught my attention and I ended up actually watching like the whole 3 minutes lol. It was mentioned Eshu was connected with the Orishas/Yoruba. Which reminded me I still have yet to read those books.

Two days ago I had a (sober) trance like experience, which I haven't had in quite a while. First there was this spirit that came. She was speaking with me, she had long dreaded like hair with beads and shells, she was wearing a white dress which almost resembled a dress slip, and she didn't seem good nor evil just neutral maybe leaning chaotic but not a proper chaotic neutral vibe. She also told me she was Haitian, which I found really strange being in Botswana. I don't recall everything we spoke of, but she mentioned she is living in the house with me, calling it "our house". While I don't see her having any ill intentions to me, I do very much get the vibe that if there was something happening to me she would end that threat. I haven't felt her here before, but I also haven't exactly been paying attention to the spirit world lately due to other distractions that have recently left my life.

While speaking with her behind me I heard the name "Eshu" being repeated over and over and over again, getting louder, but never like aggressive. Just something I couldn't keep ignoring.

I turned to look behind me towards my room and when I turned back she was gone. Cliche, in my opinion...

So I went towards my room and then felt the strange urge to use some of my spit to write "Eshu" on the wall of my room. After I had a spirit I hadn't seen in years appeared in the doorway of my room. But when he was trying to speak to me it sounded like he was being drowned out by static. It was like when you are almost on the right radio station so you can hear the song, but you can't hear the lyrics only the static. I tried asking his name because I couldn't remember it as it had been years. At first I heard "Papa" and then after another 5 or so minutes I heard "Legba" (but I legitimately thought I made Legba up and didn't believe that is what I was hearing.) It was so hard to communicate with him and all I recalled was his connection to voodoo.

Strangely, when he disappeared behind me yet again, but not in a doorway, instead near my window, I felt a spirit that called themselves Eshu. I suddenly got really sleepy. Things were clearer, but I was basically told to go to sleep by the spirit and he would give me a message in my dreams. (I remember when I first woke up going, "oh. That was the message" but then I went back to sleep and I have absolutely no idea what I was dreaming of). Before I fell asleep I looked up "Papa Legba" and realized that was his name, and then.... I saw another name in Africa, I believe it said in Nigeria and other countries, he is called Eshu. I am both floored, and really confused. Especially since it felt like two different spirits?

And then last night I felt incredibly nauseous and that was hardly able to stand up right (I am on a medicine for a few weeks now and that unfortunately is a side effect). I got the same urge to write Eshu on the wall in spit, and again at the doorway Papa Legba appeared. But this time clear and not speaking through static. However, I was mostly bent over or on my knees for s lot of the conversation due to the horrid wave of nausea I was experiencing. He offered me a deal of sorts. He asked what I wanted more or less, like we kind of just had a conversation about things I have been wanting (such as confidence, spiritual connection, sexual liberation, things I just wish I could improve upon myself). And then he asked for spit and I was about to give it to him without any thought but then I realized that may be the "handshake" so to say. So I stopped and asked why. He basically confirmed it was an offering. I asked what he wants in return if he's offering to help me with these things. He didn't really have an answer. But he did say he wants me to tell someone something. And I told him I would likely forget what he asked of me (which I have forgotten what he told me to say as predicted lmfao). And a few hours go by and ... Well I know making deals is always risky business but let's just leave it at yeah I ended up making the deal and gave him spit (I just don't understand the spit thing?? I read he likes tobacco, alcohol, and candy??) but it never truly felt like a trick. I know from briefly reading he can be considered a trickster in some circles, and I'm absolutely sure he has his own agenda. But it never felt like he wants any harm to me. In fact it truly felt like the opposite. Maybe I'm just absolutely naive. Very possible. But... I can't explain it. Anyways, after he left the woman appeared again but this time she was behind the static. I know she was saying something but I couldn't hear her not really see her in my minds-eye, but physically I felt I was closer to actually seeing her for a first. I tried for a while but then I apologized and had to walk away from her and go to bed where I felt the sleepy urge and "there will be a message" feeling again. I am truly at a loss from this experience, and since I do not engage in voodoo nor know anyone who does I can't even come close to understanding this situation. And I don't want to enter a spirituality/religion that is culturally defined where I may not be welcomed, either. Honestly I don't have much interest in voodoo other than general curiousity but I have that for most religions and spiritualities. I really would like some guidance. Please?

About Me

Hello!

Even though I've had this blog for a couple of years (and been on Tumblr for a decade), I wanted to do kind of a formal about me, for those that are new to this blog, and have questions about me and my Path.

My name is Zach. I'm 24, he/him pronouns. I'm queer, and would call myself a relationship anarchist. Outside of spirituality, I enjoy making music, photography, videography, video games, hiking/camping, and board games, especially DnD. If DnD classes are any indication about personality, I find myself most often playing as a monk, a sorcerer, or a DM.

As far as my spirituality goes... It's kind of a long story.

Looking back, I've always been very empathic and claircognizant. I have always had the ability to know how someone is feeling, being around them, from a glance, or even remotely. When I was in 9th grade, I called it "my superpower" lmao. And for claircognizance... I've always been able to look at somebody and just... Know certain things about them. Insecurities, fears, desires. It just came to me.

The other big thing that I should've clocked is that ever since like... 4th grade?? Every 9 months or so I would go through this really big obsessive phase about the psychic and paranormal and the Beyonds. I would do some research, try some stuff, go "mhehh" and then forget about it, only to get completely caught up in it 9 months later.

Anywho, I didn't really pay any attention to any of that until my big spiritual awakening a few years ago. In a nutshell, I was a Nihilist Atheist for many years, but that all completely changed when I tried acupuncture. Lying there on the table, I felt my energy, my chi, moving around on the table for the first time. This experience shattered my philosophical ideas about the universe, and prompted me to investigate further.

At that point I had felt this... Calling, this pull to move to the PNW for about a year or so. I decided that I wanted to move up there and to pursue school for Chinese Medicine, as I had incredible results with acupuncture and wanted to learn more.

And so, with a lot of preparation and hard work, I finally did move - all by myself. I remember on the drive up having this distinct feeling that I had like... Passed some kind of test, or like answered some kind of call. I didn't really think much of it. The following weeks, everything blew wide open for me.

I became incredibly more sensitive to energy. I astral travelled for the first time, where I met one of my guides. I began to see auras. I developed and cultivated clairvoyance and clairaudience. I began doing readings, with great success, to my surprise. I began learning and developing my skills with energy work.

Soo much has happened since that first explosive period since moving, and my Path has really changed since then. Actually, if you were curious, most of my progress throughout the whole process should be here somewhere on my blog.

So how would I describe my Path now? I am not really one for labels, but I mostly describe myself as a Buddhist and a Taoist. I'm an astral traveler, an energy worker, a spirit worker, and a Reiki Master. I've worked closely with the Forest and the Fae. I also work with some of the Norse Pantheon, mostly Skadi and Odinn. I don't really like calling myself a Witch, but a lot of the stuff that I do overlaps with Witchcraft. So if I were to use that label, I would call myself a Reductionist Witch.

This blog has had many roles for me over the years. It started out as an archive, a place to store knowledge and references (and still is! You can find my reference guide here). Then, I used it to document my Path, and to interact with the spiritual community. Nowadays it is mostly that, a place to interact with the community and do readings, as well as a place to post all of my fav content.

So yeah! In a nutshell... This is me ((: I try to help people as much as I can, and my inbox is always open if you have any questions.

Welcome to my blog!

Blessings!

BSA humbled me.

For the last 9 months, I felt nothing but shame. Despite the achievements that I post on my social media, I am nothing but a fraud.

Writing this letter while ugly crying is truly such a surprise for me. I thought I'll excel here. I thought this would come off as natural to me. I CHOSE to be here. I PRAYED to be here. But then why is it hurting me this much? Why am suffering so damn much? Maybe I became too confident. Maybe I'm not really smart, I'm just *masipag* and that's it. I don't have the brains to survive in this program. Hell, 2nd semester and I'm already failing. 1st sem wasn't a breeze, though. I remember not having the energy to even wake up in the morning to attend classes. I felt doomed. It wasn't like when I was still in UB, where I felt excited to go to school. But here in DLSL? I dreaded it. There were moments where I could rather die than attend Confras and Finacre. The irony is, this institution was my dream school. This course was my dream course. I prayed for this. I really did. At 13, all I can think about is "De La Salle Lipa". I took pride in being a "Lasallian" and a "BSA student" just for those two to be the things that I hated most about myself. I couldn't see myself doing this for another 3 years. Hell, I just want this to be over with. It's so hard. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Am I dumb? Am I really *that* dumb? Or is it the course? Is it the school? Is it the professor? Is it the lack of support system? Or is it just me?

Or maybe because I kept comparing DLSL with UB? Is it because I miss UB? I miss my home? It's just so weird. I hated UB with my whole guts but now I crave it. I wish I could just crawl back into it and cry and let the ambiance hug me and nurture me and tell me its okay. Is it my friends? Do I miss them? I mean, I have friends in DLSL but it isn't really a factor that I wanna even consider. Is it the competition? Fuck, it's like competing with 10000x Roberts in here. It is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually draining to even breathe in here. I don't like it here anymore. I wanna go home. But I'm scared of the judgment. I don't wanna be labeled as a failure.

I've been crying a lot for the past few weeks. I don't know if it's because of my period or because of my grades- could be both though. It's my first time experiencing scoring 29/60 in an exam. A fucking exam. And my quizzes are flunking out too. A 32/45 on a quiz? Fuck that. Fuck me. Fuck everything. Why is it so hard to be just as good as I was in high school? I know I'm not dumb. I'm not stupid. I may have gotten a bit lazy, but that couldn't have been it. I'm not dumb. It hurts how I have to repeat that multiple times a day. I'm so dumb. I'm so fucking dumb I hate myself.

I remember crying about not having 1 point to be considered "With Highest Honors", and now look at where I am. I'm begging to pass. *Pass*. All that in one semester. Last semester, I had second honors. Wow, right? I even assured myself that I might just survive in this program, that I might even do better than I thought I would. But fuck that. I'm failing. Do you even understand how embarassing that is? From being the top in your class, to being a mid in class? I'm just pretending that I have my shit together, but in reality, I do not.

I've reached a new low, where I wish I could just wake up and I'm 40 years old and I'm suddenly halfway through life and I only have a few years left until I die. Yes. That's a new low. I thought that the worst it could be is not seeing yourself 5-10 years from now. Turns out it could be worse. Sometimes, I find myself hoping that I'll get sick, or I could get caught in the accident so I can be confined and finally have the time to rest. Yes, it was that bad. For the first time in years, I silently prayed that I could seriously just die. Come on, let's end it. What's the point? It was that bad. I need help more than ever but I don't know how to ask for it. Hell, I don't even know what to do right now.

No, it wasn't because of the heavy workload. It was more of the emotional and mental fatigue. Unlike in UB where I'm bombarded with tasks, here you are bombarded with self-hatred, and jealousy, and confusion, and 99% of the time, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just good at acting like I know what I'm doing.

It was painful to wake up every morning, realizing what the day is gonna be. I hated how I hated where I am right now. I know I should be grateful and stuff, but honestly, I don't wanna lie to myself right now. I hate it. I fucking hate it. Why does it have to be so hard? I wish I had a single answer to any of these questions that I have in my head. I wish I could answer even just one of them.

No, I don't regret being in accountancy. I don't regret choosing ABM. I don't regret going to DLSL. I don't regret not staying in UB even if I had the chance. Because I know that I tried. What I would regret more is if I didn't try. As much as I love to take Psychology, I just don't see myself pursuing that long-term. However, I also do not see myself pursuing accountancy. So why am I still here? I don't know. Is it the ego? Probably. I'd probably just transfer to UB if shit goes south here in DLSL. Sure, I'll miss JPIA and PFC, but it's better than studying AIS and losing a scholarship. In UB, I could still try and apply for scholarship. I might lose the scholarship for 2nd year, but hopefully, I'll be a full scholar by 3rd year to 4th year- less financial burden to my parents. It just sucks that I have to here in this position right now. It sucks. Everything sucks. Just kill me at this point.

148

Monday, so busy painting and listening to Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast that I almost forget to go to therapy. Shane is discussing his forthcoming SNL monologue, and says Louis CK called him to offer advice. CK told Shane that most of the SNL audience will never have seen him do standup, and so he should use all his best jokes from previous sets. “But didn’t you write new for your monologue?”, Shane asks. Louis says, “Shane, I’m so much better at standup than you”

I picture being Louis CK right now, watching his protege land all of the hallmarks of success that he enjoyed before he masturbated in front of those women. In some ways being a good comedian means not only being very very funny, but also refraining from career-ending sexual misconduct in the vicinity of 2017. Or at least not getting caught. I wonder whether this cuts Louis up inside all over again. There is also the unfortunate detail of said protege managing to overcome a racist snafu and subsequent cancellation of his own, still getting an SNL monologue after only four years. Perhaps racial indiscretions are, in our strange nonsensical media landscape, simply less bad than sexual ones. Or it’s a matter of timing, or of the temperature on Twitter. Or nothing means anything, and Shane gets his Bud Light sponsorship and Louis sells his specials and movies directly from his website and one can call the other a sell out and the other can call one bitter. A perfect night out to me would still be a steak dinner and seeing both CK and Gillis do an hour each. Actually if I’m asking for perfection I am making out with both of them in quick succession and THEN the steak and the standup. Also in this fantasy I drink alcohol without consequence, and my hair is shinier

I make it to therapy with M and we talk in granular detail about the past week and I am told the 8 sessions I committed to back in December are coming to a close. I’m asked if I want to go back to how it was before, namely I let my mental state get so bad that I plead for a session out of nowhere and then, after the session, I disappear for another 8 months. I say I would like to continue with weekly therapy for the foreseeable. I now can’t imagine a week without it. The edges of my eating disorder have been fraying over the years, and I tell M that I find progress this slow completely pathetic. I say it hurts me because in no other avenue of my life would I tolerate this little improvement over this length of time. I want to spit on procrastinators, that’s how much disdain I have for inaction. But I know secretly that this is because I see myself in it, not in the work or admin arenas that it so often takes place in others, because I always get those things done, and quickly. No, in the sense that I have been delaying having to face my demons and my past and learn to feed myself without shame or dysfunction. Procrastinating working out how to live well. The ultimate procrastination. Though when somebody I know tells me they have been putting off answering an email, I’m especially enraged. Because it’s so goddamn easy compared to this deeper and bigger stuff. Recovering from an eating disorder is made up of a million emails, all sent to oneself at every mealtime, and all brutally honest yet somehow also kind. Not that recovery from any other brand of spiritual corruption isn’t just as hard. And nobody, NOBODY, can do it alone. Yet I feel so sad to involve others, my friends or A or my family, making them pay the Issy tax

I watch my WhatsApp notifications go haywire as the boys in my band are prepped for their visa interviews. I make a flyer for the April show on photoshop and decide it’s garbage but that it’ll have to do. I resist writing “FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY” on it, even though this is true. I can’t believe I have to go back into rehearsal and stage fright hell again in a few short weeks. But it’s a necessary hell, like many things. And spring is almost here, which means the cold plunges are also getting less cold

Hey does nie huisang's mother ever come back? I really liked the part where she doted and bonded with mingjue. I think even though she's not human she'd be even more delighted with him and more or less adopt him all over again after seeing how he cared so fiercely for huisang (also I don't think she'd care that guangyao has given up. Try to touch either of her kids and your a dead man... or maybe just mingjue? Since he's human and a LOT younger than her maybe she just goes around killing the people that have the capacity and wish to kill him)

spontaneous sequel to this morning’s fic (ao3 link here)

-

Huli jing were pretty rare, as spiritual beasts went, and that was generally considered to be a good thing - when they were bad, they were very very bad - but Nie Mingjue faithfully followed up on every possible lead regardless, putting it out among the other cultivation sects that he had a special interest and would appreciate - with monetary remuneration, even - a heads up should one ever show itself.

Mostly this meant following up on a lot of false leads, including, in one somewhat embarrassing case, an actual fox that had stolen the local farmer’s prize goose.

Still: family was family, and so he kept it up.

He had to stop during the war, naturally, and in the period immediately following it when his health had gotten very bad for a while, although luckily the dragon managed to fix it back up, and he’d been doing very well ever since. Lan Xichen had wondered if it was Clarity and Jin Guangyao had refused to talk to him for a month for some reason, but that wasn’t that important.

He was feeling better now, so he started following up on leads again. Nie Huaisang was coming up on his first quarter-century very soon, and that was supposed to be a big event - his first tail! - and books were all well and good but someone, anyone, with experience was better.

Ironically enough, he found what he was looking for on a scheduled hunt that wasn’t anything anyone had identified as a huli jing, but rather what appeared to be rather a great deal of nu gui appearing all at once near Lanling, enough to make a notorious womanizer like Jin Guangshan start to sweat. They’d all been making the rounds, all the various Great Sects together - even Jiang Cheng had joined in, as well as Lan Wangji, recently emerged from seclusion with a scowl firmly on his face.

“Why do you think they’re aiming at the Jin sect?” Lan Xichen wondered aloud as they walked around the edges of an abandoned village very close to Lanling - one of the trouble spots. “It’d be one thing if it were one of them, but so many...?”

“My theory is that someone is murdering all of Sect Leader Jin’s outside women so that they’ll go after him,” Jiang Cheng said, then glanced at Jin Guangyao. “No offense meant, of course.”

Jin Guangyao waved a hand dismissively. He’d started loosening up in the time since he met the dragon, revealing a bit more of his sharper and nastier side in a way that made Nie Mingjue respect him more than all of his fake softness had, and for some reason that had made Jiang Cheng warm right up to him. All for the good, in Nie Mingjue’s opinion, since they were all but co-raising that nephew of theirs...

“Who would do that, though?” he asked. “It’s as if they bear him a grudge, but it seems like a roundabout way of going about -”

“Dumpling!”

Nie Mingjue stopped moving.

There was a woman standing in the door to one of the village houses. Like a nu gui she was dressed all in red, but her flesh was ruddy and her complexion vibrant; her luxurious hair looped in a widow’s braids but her figure just as gorgeous as it had ever been.

She held out her hands towards Nie Mingjue, smiling. “Oh, cabbage bun, meat pie, my darling! How have you been?”

“...did she just...”

“Right to Chifeng-zun‘s face?”

Nie Mingjue put Baxia away.

“Mingjue-xiong?” Lan Xichen asked, frowning. “You should be careful; we had heard that this village was abandoned of all human life.”

“No one who calls Chifeng-zun a cabbage bun could be human,” Jiang Cheng mumbled under his breath. 

“Second mother?” Nie Mingjue called tentatively as he approached, and ignored how the cultivators around him all abruptly went silent and slack-jawed. “Is that you?”

“Naturally,” she said. “You don’t think I’d miss my baby’s birthday, do you? After you did such a good job taking care of him, too! Oh, my little carp, I’m sorry it took so long. I had to cut one off to escape, you understand, and once you do that you’re really rather stuck until you gather enough power to get back to full strength...would’ve been a touch awkward, wouldn’t you say?”

She certainly talked about as much as Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue reflected.

“He’ll be happy to see you,” he said. If this was the wrong huli jing - and he wouldn’t be shocked if it was, what with the way they changed faces - and a trick was being played, it wouldn’t work on Nie Huaisang. “Were you planning on staying long? Just the birthday, or...?”

He wasn’t giving up Nie Huaisang to anyone at all, not even his birth mother.

“I hadn’t quite decided,” she said, nodding in a way that meant that she understood his meaning and didn’t intend to dispute it; he relaxed at the sight of her agreement. “I got a little distracted, actually. Don’t think I didn’t hear about what that nasty man tried to do to you!”

“Nasty man?” Nie Mingjue asked, puzzled. “Do you mean Wen Ruohan? That was ages ago.”

“Not him, my gooey little egg! That nasty Jin sect leader, all sly and underhanded tricks - not that I mind sly and underhanded tricks, of course, least of all murderous ones - but I mean, really. The gall of that man, thinking he could snap up my little morsel before I could!”

“...does she like Chifeng-zun or want to eat him?” Jiang Cheng whispered.

“Unknown,” Lan Wangji murmured back.

“Shhh,” Lan Xichen said. “A-Yao, are you all right? You’ve gone terribly pale...”

“Anyway, chicken wing, I decided to bring back all of his nightmares to haunt him,” she chattered on cheerfully, throwing her head haughtily, the eyes of all the men and women irresistibly followed the graceful lines of her neck and shoulders, though most of them were able to pull their eyes away a moment later. That was her mercy, rather than their strength; she was a strong enough huli jing to entrap a sect leader, and Nie Mingjue’s father had been no slouch, even if he had bad taste in bed partners. “It’s been ever so much fun.”

Nie Mingjue sighed. “Second mother,” he said. “I thought I asked you not to kill people? As a special birthday favor to me?”

“Oh, pork chop, I know! I haven’t forgotten - no killing people around you, I remember, I remember. I haven’t killed anyone...well, in connection with this, anyway. I just had a little chat with some of my underworld friends and brought the ones who’d already died back.”

Nie Mingjue’s eyes shot straight to a - by now - even more pale Jin Guangyao. “Uh,” he said. “By chance, second mother, did you happen to pass by Yunping...?”

“Such a sweet little tanghulu you are! I could pop you right into my mouth and never frown.” He was only a few steps away from her now, and she danced forward to pat him on the cheek. “Don’t worry! I know how much you care for your friends. I made sure not to send A-Shi anywhere those mean old cultivators could get her.”

“A-Yao! Oh, someone help me, I think he’s stopped breathing - come, sit down -”

“You really need to stop bringing back nu gui,” Nie Mingjue decided to say instead of dealing with...that. “They’re not getting past Jinlin Tower’s defenses anyway, and we’re worried about collateral damage.”

His second mother heaved a sigh. “I know, I know,” she said. “I had the same thought as you, meatball, about the defenses. You caught me just as I finished upgrading.”

Nie Mingjue didn’t like the sound of that.

“Of course, it isn’t working out right,” she added, pouting. “You’d think someone who got accused of being a demon so often wouldn’t be so picky about who he’s being asked to murder.”

“I already told you that I’m not a vicious ghost!” a surprisingly familiar voice retorted from inside the house. “I refuse to go around killing people!”

“Oh no - now Jiang Cheng’s fallen down, too! Wangji, could you - Wangji? Wangji!”

Nie Mingjue covered his face with his hand. “You brought back Wei Wuxian.”

“I brought back Wei Wuxian,” his second mother agreed. “I thought it’d be poetic justice - the wronged man come back for revenge. But he’s being persnickety about it, so I have half a mind to just let him go.”

“Good idea,” Nie Mingjue said, deciding to just - let it go. Someone else could deal with it. Possibly Lan Xichen, since it sounded like everyone else had fainted. “Anyway, you’re far too busy to pursue vengeance right now.”

“I am?”

“I know how much you like to throw parties. Don’t you want to help me plan Huaisang’s twenty fifth?”

“Oh!” She clapped her hands. “Absolutely! We can invite positively everyone that tried to get in your way and show off how good a job raising him you did!”

Nie Mingjue thought back over all the creatures he’d ever encountered.

“We’re going to need a bigger venue.”

Uhm.. I really love the pregnant MC kind of series.. and uhm May I request the undateables version when the baby is born?

sorry, I'm nervous. am still a shy blob (///▽///)

Thank you both! And no need to be shy, First Nonnie~ *pets the cute, shy blob* 🥰

Oh! And just so you know, Imma split this up into two parts for space reasons, this part containing Diavolo and Barbatos' sections.

Unlike when I wrote for the Brothers' sections, I am only writing happy endings for the Undateables. However, the pregnancy and birth still won't be easy for MC so keep that in mind.

Brothers | Solomon & Simeon

~

Diavolo:

The first trimester was relatively easy for MC, simply going through the standard pregnancy issues, like morning sickness.

However, even during this first trimester, the couple was given a little hint of what was to come.

MC quickly developed a belly. Actually, the woman already had a small pouch formed by the time the royal physician was called and told the prince that his Sweetheart was pregnant.

Her growth stayed at this strange, quick pace.

By the end of MC's third month, the woman looked as if she was finishing her sixth.

This was alarming to the couple, who deferred to the royal physician about this.

The two were so sure that MC must be having multiples, but the physcian insisted that there was only baby and that it's development was normal for a child within the royal family and would still be born after the full nine months.

Diavolo didn't know this. The man knew that he himself was a big baby when he was born, but never knew it got this bad. He didn't have anyone to ask either. He never met his mother and his father spoke very little about her in general, let alone about when she was pregnant with him.

The man was anxious, to say the least. Would his queen be able to carry his child to full term? It seemed as if it would be too much for her.

Still, MC insisted she could handle it and Barbatos reminded him that he is prepared to navigate the woman through this tough time.

Diavolo stuffed his emotions down in favor of trusting his friend. Barbatos was actively using his future vision to help them and the butler confirmed that there is a possibility to make it through this

And so he gave free reign to Barbatos to whatever he needed to do.

The butler used the information from his vision to set up a schedule for the woman to follow and a diet plan to keep her as healthy as possible and avoid the common mistakes made in the timelines that they need to avoid.

At first, it was doable for the woman. MC wasn't a fan of having each day planned out for her, but understood it was important and listened to Barbatos.

As the pregnancy progressed though and she got bigger, it was so much harder to keep her moving.

By her sixth month, the woman's body was in a lot of pain from the weight of her belly. MC looked overdue with twins, but again, only one child.

It wasn't just the baby giving her big belly its size however. The baby was larger than usual of course, but there was also a concentrated amount of magical energy building up in her womb too. The royal physician insisted that it was also normal for a bloodline as strong as Lord Diavolo's.

MC was so exhausted from all of the excess weight and just wanted to rest in bed, but Barb always came and forced her feet so she could do her walking.

Being so achy, heavy, and emotional as she was, the woman broke down crying one day, refusing to leave her bed.

The butler had to pull the prince from his work so Diavolo could comfort the sobbing woman. Afterwards, the two walked around the garden together.

Mid way through that sixth month, a new problem occured.

The couple was preparing to have dinner at House of Lamentation with the brothers, something MC had been looking forward to all week.

The woman was checking her hair in the mirror when suddenly she saw stars in her vision and passed out. Luckily, Diavolo was already approaching her to ask his Queen if she was ready and was able to catch her, stopping her from collapsing head-first onto the dresser.

The prince quickly carried her over to the bed and had Barbatos call for the physcian.

Apparently the issue was with her body's rapid collection of dark spiritual energy. Her body has been absorbing this energy at a very rapid rate during this pregnancy because of the magical strength of the baby, but the speed of the absorption is far too quick for her human body to handle. This is what caused MC to suddenly pass out.

The physcian warned that this would probably happen more till the end of the pregnancy and that there was really no option that was safe for both mother and child to help the situation.

This is when Diavolo's anxiety got so bad that he simply defaulted into his composed expression, locking all of his feelings within him.

The demon was naturally such an expressive man, but when under great stress, he often locked down his emotions as a kind of defense mechanism.

MC hated this and always has. The woman knew it usually wasn't a conscious thing on his part, not something he purposely did, but it still hurt. It always felt as if he was hiding himself from her and it killed her inside.

The prince tried to fight it, tried to smile more for his Queen because he knew he was only bringing the woman down when she was already struggling to remain strong, but it was difficult for him.

He was afraid. He was afraid of losing her and their child. He was afraid that despite all of their hard work and all MC is suffering for that...it might all be for not

And instead of showing this fear, it was simply a lot easier to shut down all emotional expression.

There were some moments however where he could bring himself to smile genuinely

Like the first time he felt his child kick.

He and MC were having tea out in the garden. The woman was feeling extra anxious that day and asked her boyfriend if the two of them could spend sometime outside that day, which of course the prince agreed to.

The man was watching his girlfriend relax and enjoy the nice breeze, which calmed his own anxiety to see her find a bit of peace

Then he saw eyes go wide and hand flew to her massive belly.

"D-Dia!"

The prince jumped from his seat and rushed to her side. Still hiding his emotions within himself, the only hint of his panic was the speed in which he did this.

"What is it? What happened?"

MC started crying a bit and the man's heart sank. Before he could ask anything else however, his girlfriend took his hand and placed it on the area of her belly that her own hand was a moment before.

That's when he felt it. A kick. His child was kicking. This was the first interaction the man was having with his child and it caused the soon-to-be dad to tear up too.

"This--our child is greeting us." The prince smiled as he looked up at his Queen, who nodded and continued to cry her own happy tears.

Diavolo spent the next few minutes just gushing over their child's movements. He'd rub and kiss MC's belly as he talked to the baby within, greeting them back and telling them just how incredibly loved they are and how their mama and daddy can't wait to meet them.

Barbatos, who had been on standby near the couple in case they needed assistance, smiled at the scene before him.

The pregnancy didn't get any easier for the woman, but both her and her boyfriend were able to endure it more here on out because now they had a reminder of what it was they were fighting for, who they were fighting for

And so they were happy whenever their child would kick and remind their parents of this.

During the last the two months of the pregnancy, the woman had more fainting spells, but since she always had Diavolo or Barbatos with her, MC was always caught before she hit the ground.

What was more concerning was the bone breaking.

During MC's last month, the kicks that the couple got so excited for got a little too...rough.

It only happened twice, but twice was more than enough to scare the couple.

The baby was already positioned upside down and ready for the birth, meaning that its legs were now positioned upwards

So when they kicked, they would sometimes hit their mama's ribs

And twice it caused the bottom of her rib to fracture.

The woman was healed up via a spell each time, but it still wasn't a pleasant experience.

Still, this was just a taste of the pain that MC would face when she gave birth.

The Birth:

Out of all of the births I've written for MC in past, this one was worse for her just based on her child's size. Though a lot of her belly's growth was due to the concentrated magical energy that built up within her, there was also no doubt that this baby was much bigger than any human baby.

It started when MC was doing the walking scheduled by Barbatos for her. Diavolo was home, but in a meeting with the Devildom's Elder Council, basically a group of powerful aristocratic demons whose interests the prince had to balance delicately to keep peace in his kingdom. Which is why it was Barbatos with her, holding onto the pregnant woman as she walked and held her up as she suddenly stopped and bent forward in pain, hugging her stomach. The butler quickly brought the human to her room and called for the physcian, not leaving MC's side. The woman cried and begged for her boyfriend, but the the man only shook his head. Though Barbatos stayed calm and composed, he truly did feel bad for MC. He could not inform his lord about the sudden turn in events because of the importance of the Elder Council. If Diavolo left the meeting, it would just cause a lot of issues for him later on, some that he might not be able to mend. The butler told the woman that the meeting should end in about three more hours and promised that the prince would be there for their child's birth.

The meeting went in over time and lasted about four hours. Unable and even unwilling to leave MC alone, Barbatos sent a Little D to send word to Diavolo the very moment he left the council room. Upon hearing the news, the prince rushed to the other side of the castle and practically slammed the door open. Once at her side, he grabbed her hand apologized profusely for his absence. Though he understood why, the man was still angry with his butler for keeping this from him and Barbatos knew it, but did not comment on it.

The labor was a long one, lasting a little over thirty-five hours. It wasn't as bad as that makes it sound though. Diavolo had talked with the royal physician ahead of time and had a variety of potions and creams ready for her, all working together to essentially give the same effect as an epidural. The physcian had MC take them now that the prince was there to give him permission and they eased most of the pain she felt within ten minutes. Still, it did nothing to help the unbearable pressure she felt within her. With the pain managed though, the woman wasn't forced to be confined to their bed; she could also sit on the couch in their room or walk around a bit if her leg muscles insisted that she should move, which was good for her since the physcian said walking could help progress the labor.

When things progressed enough for the woman to push, she was brought back to the bed. Diavolo more wiped the sweat from her forehead and gave her a kiss, telling his Queen how well she was doing and that he won't leave her side. The woman pushed for hours and when the baby started crowing, she could still feel the burn from it despite the potions given to her. After a certain point, the woman stopped making progress. The physcian checked her and it seemed the baby was stuck. It's size was too big and the baby was stuck on her hip bone. He told the prince that no progress could be made unless he fractured the bone just enough to let the baby through.

The man's heart sank and he looked to his girlfriend, who was starting to feel the pain of the labor once more now that the potions were starting to wear off. He apologized to his Queen, but promised that he'd have the doctor give her more of the potions before he allows it to be done to her and that he'll make sure that she's healed up afterwards.

Suddenly, the woman shrieked in pain. During just that small amount of time that the prince took to make the decision and apologize, the baby had decided to break it for them in order to continue their way. The problem was solved, but in a very painful way. Even so, it took another half hour to for MC to bring her baby into the world.

It was a boy, with his father's eyes, skin tone, wings, and horns; he even had a similar golden pattern on his arms just like Diavolo did in his demon form. The boy also had MC's hair though. The doctor handed the baby to Diavolo and the man stared down at his son, tears of joy filling his eyes. He looked over to MC, who was also crying as she watched her boyfriend hold their son.

The prince leaned in a kissed the human, telling her how amazing she did and how proud of her that he is before thanking her for all that she did in order to bring their son into the world and make them parents.

The two name their son Ashur and he is spoiled with all the love he could ever need from day one.

Barbatos:

The first few months of MC's pregnancy was rather peaceful.

Barbatos went back and forth from his duties at the castle to taking care of his girlfriend, who still wished to live at House of Lamentation at this time.

The butler had no issue with this; he simply wanted his Love to remain as happy and comfortable as possible during this pregnancy, though he was prepared to move her into the castle at any point if issues arose and made it necessary, something Barb had already discussed with Lord Diavolo of course.

Which was good, considering what transpired during MC's fourth month.

Barbatos was tending to his duties at the castle when he received a call from Lucifer. Apparently his Dear was in the library getting help from Satan with her homework when suddenly the woman started shrieking and sobbing uncontrollably.

When Lucifer himself heard and rushed in, he found MC curled up in a ball and her eyes glowing green. The two men tried to calm her and ask what was wrong, but it was as if the human could not see or hear them.

Once the strange episode was over, MC continued to sob and beg for her boyfriend

Which of course resulted in the butler dropping everything in order to rush to his girlfriend's side.

When he arrived at House of Lamentation, he found his Love in the living room with Beel, curled up and hiding in the big demon's embrace.

Upon his entrance, the redhead wordless tapped the human's shoulder, causing her to raise her head and see her boyfriend entering the room.

Beel let go of the woman and nodded in greeting to the butler before stepping out to give the two time to talk.

Taking the other demon's seat, Barb sat down next to MC. His Love clung to him, burying her face in his chest.

The man didn't say a word, just held the human close and waited till she was ready to speak.

"Barbie...I saw myself die...I saw our baby die."

Barbatos frowned. He suspected as much when he heard that her eyes glowed green, the same color as his own eyes.

The woman talked about seeing herself die in childbirth, about seeing their daughter die before even entering the world, and her boyfriend's only response was to tighten the embrace and stroke her hair.

This...the man had been studying this timeline in depth since he discovered MC was pregnant. However, this was not something he that he foresaw.

If he was correct in his assumption, the only way MC would be able to see such a vision was if she somehow gained access to such power and since that was not a power of her own, the man knew what the only explanation could be; their daughter had inherited his power and has projected such a vision onto her mother.

How and why, the butler wasn't sure, but what concerned him the most was that his review of the timeline originally never included his daughter inheriting his gift and torturing her mother with with its visions.

Something must have changed, something small and easily overlooked, causing another tinier branch of time to split from the already small one they were on originally.

Now Barbatos was...well, not blind per se, but he had certainly lost his previous advantage. Months of studying every little detail of the previous timeline was now rendered useless and now he needed to start from scratch to make sure he knows what to expect and keep MC safe during this harsh pregnancy.

The demon originally wanted to keep the truth of the dangers this pregnancy poses to himself; he never wanted MC to worry, but since their daughter seemed to have different plans, the butler must be flexible.

"I'm sorry, my Dear. I should have foresaw this issue, but I failed to do so for you."

The man explained what he had been hiding from her. He told her what he foresaw the day he found out she was pregnant and admitted he knew before she even took the test.

He explained that because he knew from multiple timelines that she'd choose to risk her life for the sake of their child and he didn't want her to worry, especially since he was so sure he could use his gift to keep her safe, he had decided to keep all of it to himself.

However, he also explained that the vision she saw was likely from one of the obsolete timelines (though he will thoroughly check through their current one to make sure) and that it was their daughter who showed her it.

Barbatos knew if it happened once then it would likely happen again and did not want his Dear to see such an awful sight again.

This is was why he requested for her to move into the castle with him; by doing so, he could use his own power to disrupt their daughter's to end such an episode when it occurs.

At first, MC fought the idea. She said House of Lamentation was her home and the brothers were her family; she simply did not want to leave them.

Barbatos apologized for the trouble, but told her this would be for the best and promised that she could move back in with the brothers after their daughter's birth if she so chooses and if Lucifer was okay with it.

The woman was hesitant, but agreed after hearing this

And so MC moved into the castle with him that day. Once again, the butler already had everything prepared so it was as simply as packing up her things and using magic to teleport them to the castle so the two could walk there comfortably.

Barbatos had a different room for them both to sleep in as opposed to his own room. The man had worried that his bedroom would be a bit...unsettling for his Dear and did not want her to think about the first time she saw his room, back in her first year at RAD when she used it to go back in time and had technically died from such a decision.

The man wanted to avoid anything that could bring bad thoughts to his sweet human's head and ultimately keep her spirits up.

The first day, MC felt a bit out of place in the castle, but when the night came and she got to sleep in her boyfriend's arms, she found a sense a peace that she did not often get to feel outside of his embrace and so she slept comfortably.

Her days were filled with being by Barbatos' side as he worked. He wanted her close in case an episode should occur and he was correct that more were to come.

Each time one would occur, the demon would carefully lead his distraught girlfriend to a seat, slip off his gloves, and place one hand on her bare belly and one on her forehead, pushing his own magick into her to disrupt their daughter's magick flow.

When the vision was brought to a halt, the woman's eyes stopped glowing and she fell forward, her face falling onto his shoulder.

It always went like this, Barb dropping everything to end it for her and then holding the human close for as long as she needed.

Outside of these episodes, the woman would help her boyfriend as he worked. Though it wasn't necessary, Barb acknowledged that MC needed to fill her time in some way and enjoyed helping him.

However, he still restricted his Dear with what she could help with. If it require heavy lifting, chemicals, or magick, he would have her step back and let him handle it. Though disappointed, MC would do as she was told.

Months went by and things with her pregnancy were manageable.

The brothers were a constant presence within the castles, always checking up on the human and wanting to spend time with her. The butler did not mind this and knew that this was good for his Love's spirits.

Still, he was always displeased when Mammon stopped by because he knew he had to balance his work, taking care of MC, and keeping an eye on the second brother to make sure he didn't try to steal anything. Again.

It was half way through her sixth month when a new problem arose.

The butler had left the room for just a moment to deal with some work while MC chatted with the Avatar of Greed, only to be called back by the other man.

"Shit! Barbatos!"

The butler quicken his steps and turned back towards the room

And found MC on the floor of the parlor, green glow of her eyes flickering on and off as she seizured on the floor.

Barbatos sprung into action. He did not understand what brought this on so suddenly, but handled the situation as best as he could for now.

He had the other demon stay back as he turned MC onto her side and pushed the funiture away from his Dear so she didn't hurt herself during this. He took off his jacket and folded it up before placing it behind her head. He took out his phone to time it, just in case.

When it finished, his Love looked up at him and asked what had happened. Her boyfriend finally let himself release the breath he had been holding.

"You're fine, my Dear. You're laying down in the parlor right now. Please just relax for a bit."

Barbatos had requested for the Brother to return home for the day before calling in a doctor for MC.

That's how the couple discovered the new issue; MC wasn't handling the new power well. The foreign magic was like a shock to her system. It could handle the magick in certain doses, but too much had lead to this seizure.

The doctor said she should able to tolerate it on a physical level when their daughters activates it, but MC likely won't survive if Barb keep forcing his magick on her or at least cause her health to take a permanent nosedive.

Each time a human has a seizure, it becomes so much easier for their body to it again. If this keeps up, it will become a health problem for her even after the pregnancy.

Basically, the couple was stuck with the choice of whether MC's physical health or mental health was more important.

The butler kept composed at this news, but in reality...he felt like he was failing her. It was his responsibility to take care of her, but he felt as if things were slipping out of his control.

Still, he did what had to be done. From then on, he never interfered when his Love had one of her episodes. When their daughter forced a horrible vision onto MC, all the man could do is bring her to a seat and hold onto his girlfriend as her mind was being tortured by vivid experiences.

They never took long, about ten or fifteen minutes each time, but MC was always left shaky and emotionally fragile. Barbatos made sure to never be the first to break the embrace, even if he had a long list of work he needed to get done.

The rest of the pregnancy was very difficult for the woman. Barb and the Brothers did what they could for her, but it was obvious that her spirits were low from then on.

The Birth:

The stress that the visions put on the woman caused her to go into labor early. Luckily, not dangerously early, just about a week and a half so.

MC was having tea with Lord Diavolo, something the prince purposefully set time aside for each week. He knew how difficult of a time this was for the human and his friend and wanted to play his part to ease their nerves a bit. Barbatos was able to leave his Dear's side without much anxiety and MC could chat with him as she enjoys some tea. Tea time with Diavolo had become something the woman looked forward to each week. The prince's cheerful attitude really did a lot to lift her fragile spirits.

It was during such a tea time when MC started feeling some minor contractions. They were small and far apart at first so the woman simply chose to ignore them at first. It was still a bit early so she really didn't think the pains were really the start of labor. If anything, she simply thought they were more so Braxton Hicks contractions, basically small practices ones that women can feel towards the end of their pregnancy. They don't lead to labor; they're simply uncomfortable. Thinking this was the reason for her pain, the woman said nothing and continued to chat with the prince. However, the pain slowly built up and she found herself wincing mid-sentence.

"Are you alright?" Lord Diavolo watched the woman closely.

"Oh yes, sorry." MC smiled anxiously at him before looking down to her belly and giving it a gently rub. "I've been feeling a bit of pain, but I'm sure it's nothing."

The prince rose from his seat.

"Then I'll go retrieve Barbatos for you--"

"No, please sit." The woman insisted. "It's nothing. It's too early for it to be a real issue and besides...I don't want Barb to worry. He's so good at hiding it, but I know he's been stressed out these last couple months. He needs this. He needs some time to himself where he doesn't feel as if he needs to hover around me, even if he's still working."

The prince watched the woman for a moment before lowering himself back into his chair.

"Alright. Please let me know if it gets any worse for you."

MC nodded and the two continued talking, though now with the man being extra observant with her.

A couple minutes later, Barbatos had rushed in.

"Barb? Is something--"

He was at her side in an instant.

"My Dear, you really shouldn't keep such a thing from me for my sake."

The woman stared at her boyfriend, confused. He explained how he had paused his work to look into his vision (he was feeling anxious about leaving her side, but of course, never mentioned this) and saw that this was going on, but discovered that her hypothesis was incorrect; this was in fact the very beginning of labor for her. Its bareable at the moment, but as he has already seen, this will change very soon.

"I already called the doctor so please follow me so you can go lay down."

MC stared at him eyes wide.

"I...is she going to be okay?" The woman asked, eyes tearing up a bit. "Barb, it's--"

"My Dear, it's alright." He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Our daughter will be fine. Please don't worry."

Suddenly, a new pain hit her and her boyfriend was right that they were getting worse.

"Gaaaah...Barb..."

"Shh. Its alright." The butler waited for the pain to settle before helping her out of her chair and turning to Diavolo. "I'm sorry, my lord. Please excuse us."

"Of course." The prince smiled at the two before adding. "You'll be fine, MC. Just do your best and trust in my friend, yes?"

The couple thanked the prince before retreating.

Thanks to Barbatos catching things as soon as he did and calling the doctor when he did, things went smoothly. It was still a painful experience for his girlfriend, but the demon stayed by her side the whole time and never let go of her hand.

A few hours later, the couple was graced with their daughter's cries as she entered the world. Once the baby was cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket, MC brought their child into her arms, hold her close. Barbatos watched the scene and started tearing up. It was over. His Dear's suffering was over and now his daughter was here in her arms. It was...all worth it.

MC stayed in the castle for a few more days to recover before moving back into House of Lamentation with the Brothers, taking their daughter with her. It was for the best. After all, Barbatos had promised her such when she first moved into the castle that she could move back after the birth.

Besides, MC can't stay by his side every second of the day like she did during the pregnancy. It simply wasn't fair nor healthy to expect that of her so she'd just be on her own with their child in the castle and that would be a very lonely way for her to live. MC living in House of Lamentation, surrounded by those she saw as her family while receiving their help and support...that was what she deserved; it made her happy.

Still, the man was constantly visiting her and their daughter. Just because they weren't a traditional family who lived together didn't mean he loved his girls any less or that he'd give them any less than his best. He'd even stay the night once a week and help with the baby during the night, even though he had to wake up early to return to the castle the next morning.

Barbatos did not mind it though; he handled it all in stride and found this new life to be much more fulfilling. Being a father was never something that the man gave any thought to in the past. While many beings aimed to continue their lineage, Barbatos was never one to put importance on such a thing. Regardless, now that he has his child, the demon knows he will always treasure her and her mother above all else in this world.

The couple named the girl Vaermina, though MC often liked shortening her name to Mina. She had her father's eyes, horns, and tail, but MC's hair combined with a teal streak just like his, strangely enough. One look at her face and the man knew she'd grow up looking just like her mother; he didn't need his vision to know this.

If he was being honest...the man didn't want to use his gift at all in regards with his daughter. Mina...he knew she'd have a tough go of things. Barbatos knew better than anyone the fear that their gift can promote early in life. To not have much control over the sight and see so many outcomes that could lead to yourself or those close to you get hurt was not an easy thing.

Still, he was determined to teach her when she's old enough to control her power so such visions are not thrust upon her. Whenever he looked at his daughter, still young and bright and unaffected, his heart filled with so much love for her, but also ached in response to the trouble he knew was coming for her eventually.

Extreme Aggressor: Part Two

Pairing: Eventual Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill, and angst

Summary: Jason Gideon is called back from a six-month leave from the Behavioral Analysis Unit to profile a killer. Meanwhile, the team flies across the country to Seattle when another young woman goes missing at the hands of "The Seattle Strangler," another serial killer.

Author’s Note: Here is it finally! After hard work, it is finally ready for your viewing pleasure! Please, feedback is always appreciated so let me know what you like about it and what you didn’t!

I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there is any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated.

So without further ado, please enjoy!

After arriving at the police headquarters, you followed Gideon and the rest of the team inside the building. It still felt awkward between you and the rest of the team which is why you stuck to Gideon’s side the whole time. He walked fast throughout the building, and you did your best to keep up.

“He never stands with his back to a window. When I was between him and a doorway, he asked me to move,” Derek gossiped about your friend.

“That's hypervigilance. It's not uncommon in post-traumatic stress disorder.”

“Just how much disorder are we talking about?”

“Morgan, it's been six months. Everything's okay,” Hotchner calmed him down.

“And he brings along a woman we don’t even know? How do we know we can trust her? I’m sorry, but she doesn’t mean anything to me yet,” Derek asked just as you passed them.

Looking at them over your shoulder, you caught Spencer’s eyes before moving on.

“Give her time. You gave me time,” he said, catching up to you. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. He’s right. I’m a stranger to you guys.”

“Hopefully by the end of this, you won’t be,” he smiled, walking into the main room with you that was crowded with uniforms.

“This is special agent Gideon, special agent Morgan, our expert on obsessional crimes, special agent Reid—”

“Dr. Reid,” Gideon interrupted.

“Dr. Reid, our expert on well, everything, and the newest member of our team, Y/N Y/L/N. And after two years busting my ass in this office, I hope you all remember me,” Hotchner smiled with the laughter that ensured throughout the room.

“He's willing to travel with the body,” Gideon speaks, looking at the map.

“Then he drives a vehicle capable of concealing one,” Hotchner added.

“1 in 7.4 drivers in Seattle owns an SUV,” Spencer spat out.

“But how do we know it's his car? Ted Bundy drove a VW Bug. What about a Jeep Cherokee? Jeeps are more masculine,” Derek voiced his thoughts.

“We all know how an unsub feels about asserting his masculinity,” Gideon chuckled.

“When did the bureau become involved in the case?” Hotchner asked the lead police officer.

“After the fourth body. He dumped that one out of state.”

While everyone was conversing and talking, you walked up the board with the recent pictures of the latest kidnapped victim, Heather. She went missing about a day ago which means she has about 24 hours left until she is dead—and the clock is ticking. Her image and the photos of the abduction site certainly does something for you, but it’s not enough. Reaching up to touch the image of her, you closed your eyes to see if you can get anything from a picture.

A flash of an orange car here, her heart rate increasing while inside the car, but other than that, you got nothing. It would be better if you were touching some of her things since the human body leaves traces wherever they go, whatever they touch. Since she wasn’t murdered, there isn’t a dump site that would give you even more clues and answers.

“What are you doing?” Spencer asked when he saw you.

Opening your eyes, you lowered your hand before looking at him.

“I am trying to connect myself with her through a photograph. It’s not that common to get anything, but it does happen. I see an orange car and her fearful expressions, but that’s about it.”

“What do you need in order to get a clearer picture?”

“Her belongings. Every human leaves a spiritual trace wherever they go. It’s stronger with personal items.”

“Agent Gideon, where would you like to start?” one of the policemen asked.

“Let's start at the site of the last murder. Y/N, you coming?”

“I think I’ll get a better read on Heather and whether she’s alive or not if I’m with her things. I’ll go to her house.”

“Reid and I will go with you,” Hotchner announced.

Knowing you wouldn’t go alone, you bit your own tongue and followed the two men out the door. The fact that the Bureau provided government standard SUVs were pretty cool. It didn’t take long to go to Heather’s house, and when you arrived, you met her brother and the dog she owned.

“Sandy, no, no, no. I'm so sorry,” Heather’s brother, David, apologized when the big dog started barking and trying to playfully attack you three. However, when it came to you, the dog just stared at you silently.

“No, it's okay. It's what we call the Reid effect,” Hotchner stated, causing the young doctor to be confused. “I'm agent Hotchner. This is special agent Dr. Reid and Dr. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Y/N is fine,” you quickly added.

“You two look too young to have gone to medical school,” the man observed.

“They're PhD's. 3 of them. She has two.”

“Spencer,” you whispered softly to get him to shut up about it.

It’s not like you don’t want people to know you have 2 PhDs, but you just didn’t want the attention. Plus, if your dad knew you went to school to be a profiler in the FBI, he’d have your head.

“Are you a genius or something?”

“I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words per minute,” he gushed. The man stared at him like he was crazy, so the young doctor just agreed. “Yes, I'm a genius.”

“Sandy, you get a lot of attention, don't you?” Hotchner asked the dog who just panted.

Instead of being with them, you took a look around the room to see if you can get a feel to the place. Heather’s spirit was here through certain items, but because there are more than one, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where it’s coming from. The conversation went on about her dog until it got back on track.

“David, does your sister drive a Datsun Z?” Spencer asked when he picked up a magazine.

“No, but she's in the market for one. How'd you know?” he asked, and Spencer held it up. David just shook his head and took his dog outside since she was getting antsy.

“There's an immediate relationship established between a buyer and a seller, a certain level of trust. If I want to coax a young woman into my car, I’d offer her a test drive,” you said, causing the two men to stare at you.

Their bodies were emitting tension, and you knew they didn’t trust you at all. You needed to do something to prove to them that you were worthy enough to be on this team.

“Let me show you what I can do, okay?”

“Alright,” Hotch said.

Taking the magazine from Spencer’s hands, you closed your eyes in concentration. A multitude of pictures flashed through your mind due to the residue that Heather left behind, until those pictures turned into film. Heather was seated on the couch right behind Hotch and Spencer, flipping through the magazine happily. When she got to the page she wanted, she grabbed the red marker on the table next to her and circled the orange car a bunch of times. She then grabbed her money and began counting it to see if she had enough money to buy it.

“Heather is sitting on that couch, super excited to buy the orange car I keep seeing. She circles the one she wants with a red marker, and she starts to count her money,” you open your eyes, and began to flip through the magazine until you found the page you were looking for. “If I’m right, it’s this page she was on. She found someone with this exact car, and whoever took her did it because they got her to test drive it.”

The page you landed on was the same exact page with the red marker.

“Nice job,” Hotch complimented.

“That’s amazing,” Spencer muttered.

“Thank you. I just want to help, Agent Hotchner.”

“Please, call me Hotch.”

“Okay, then how about the fact that on one hand, we have paranoid psychosis, but the autopsy protocol says what?” Derek asked.

Back at the office, everyone was talking about the case and how the MO of this unsub didn’t make any sense. Derek was the one who was freaking out about everything since apparently not having a profile ready didn't bode well for him.

“Adhesive residue shows he put layer after layer of duct tape over his victims' eyes,” Spencer answered.

“He knows he wants to kill them, but he still covers their eyes. He doesn't want 'em looking at him, apparently. Okay, but then he takes the body and dumps it right out in the open, murder weapon nearby.”

“Not the MO of a paranoid convinced he's being watched or surveilled,” Spencer added.

Gideon stares at the drawing board while the rest talked about the case. Just by the look of his face, he was drowning out whatever they were saying. Even though you can get a read on his spiritual energy, that didn’t mean you could understand what he is thinking.

“Jason? What’s wrong?” you asked quietly, making sure only he could hear you.

However, he didn’t answer you directly.

“Alright, enough,” he interrupted the chatter in the room. “Let's tell them we're ready.”

“We're ready?” Derek gasped as Gideon left the room. The young genius started to write something down on his notepad, but the older agent wasn’t finished. “Reid, you're good with this? We've got a woman who's only got a few hours left to live, an incomplete profile, and a unit chief on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”

“They don't call them nervous breakdowns anymore,” you noted.

“It's called a major depressive episode.”

“I know, Reid,” Derek sighed.

Walking away from the board, you looked at Spencer quickly right before you left the room. Gideon gathered everyone in a conference room to deliver the profile and stood in the middle of the room with the tables blocking him in on three sides like a square. The rest of his team stood off to the side, and while Hotch, Spencer, and Derek were listening, you were watching the reactions of everyone in this room. If your abilities told you anything, it’s how untrustworthy even the most highly respected person could be.

“The unidentified subject is white and in his late 20's. He's someone you wouldn't notice at first. He's someone who'd blend into any crowd. The violent nature of the crime suggests a previous criminal record--petty crimes, maybe auto theft,” Gideon began. Running your eyes over every person in this room, you tapped into their energies to see what the normal eye couldn’t.

“We've classified him as an organized killer—psychopathic as opposed to psychotic. He follows the news, has good hygiene, and he's smart. 'Cause he's smart, the only physical evidence you'll find is what he wants you to find,” Gideon continued. The person right in front of you wanted to pay attention, but all of his focus was centered on his phone. He’s got some private issues at home that you rather not delve into right now.

“He's mobile, and his car in good condition. Our guess is a Jeep Cherokee with tinted windows. The murders have all involved rapes, but rape without penetration is a form of piquerism, and that tells us he's sexually inadequate.”

The person to your right is paying very close attention to what Gideon is saying, but she is focused on his lips and the way he talks which says that she’s attracted to him right now. That made you want to laugh because you knew for a fact that Gideon was seeing someone on the down low.

“What is it?” Spencer whispered when he saw the hint of your smile.

“That woman over there wants to bone Gideon,” you whispered back.

“How do you know?”

“I’m psychic, Spencer. I know more about a person than you think. Want me to do you?”

“No, thank you,” he whispered and got back to what Gideon was saying.

“Psychiatric evaluations will show a history of paranoia stemming from a childhood trauma—death of a parent or family member, and now he feels persecuted and watched. Murder gives him a sense of power. Organized killers have a fascination with law enforcement. They will inject themselves into the investigation. They will even come forward as witnesses to see just how much the police really know. That makes them feel powerful, in control. Which is why I also think in fact, I know you have already interviewed him,” Gideon finished, causing the entire room to feel shocked at the news.

wanna be tagged? add yourself to this document! if your tag doesn’t work, find out why!

@averyhotchner​

Reformation Part 1

Read the Previous Chapter [Here]

Word Length: 4,877

Summary: A parting from Lotus Pier and a therapeutic stay at the Cloud recesses.

As the morning sun rose steadily in the sky, the sound of cultivators waking from restless sleeps and the flurry of the previous evening filled the spacious halls of Lotus Pier. Disciples dressed in their robes and polished their blades while servants shuffled about the sect with crates of materials for the competition only hours away.

The gates to the pier were open as always; civilians also getting ready for the morning couldn’t help but peak inside the tall, polished wooden doors. The grounds of the sect were overloaded with disciples of some of the minor sects. Because of the events from yesterday, some had changed their minds about competing in the competition, feeling Lotus Pier was not a healthy environment for their juniors and opted to cut their losses and return home.

Most damning however, were the group of Lan sect members preparing to depart with Wei WuXian amongst them.

“Are you sure you want to ride on your sword back to the Cloud Recesses, Young Master Wei? One of us wouldn’t mind carrying you, “Lan XiChen stated while watching the young man unsheathe his sword

“No, no, I can fly just fine, no worries, “Wei WuXian replied, giving him a small smile in return

“We’re just worried about your wounds, “XiChen started but paused, walking over and placing a hand on the young man’s shoulder, “Don’t...be afraid to ask for help.”

Blinking in surprise, Wei WuXian could only nod slowly in acquiescence.

“The sooner we leave the better. We’ll have Lan Yu look over your wounds, “Lan Qiren spoke while fixing his qiankun bag over his shoulder

“So, you really are leaving, “Wei WuXian, hearing the familiar voice, turned to be faced with a glowering Jiang WanYin

The Jiang sect heir was covered in a cloak of envy and enmity, his eyes were alight, almost electrified with emotion. Dressed in rich robes befitting his station, the cast and sling around Jiang WanYin’s arm was as bright as a dead rat in a pile of jewels.

“Jiang Cheng, “Wei WuXian frowned

“Father told me I’d be head disciple until you decided to return, “Jiang WanYin sneered, “Guess I’m supposed to pick up your scraps from now on.”

“It’s only for a few months, Jiang Cheng, “Wei WuXian replied, “I’ll....I’ll be back before you know it.”

The sight of Jiang WanYin near Wei WuXian immediately put every cultivator on the grounds on alert; apprehension filled the air as they noticed that the young cultivator had once again acquired Zidian from his mother.

“I’m supposed to lead this competition now, “Jiang WanYin continued, “Though I suppose if you didn’t start whining about your wounds, you’d still do it before you left, huh? After all, it is your work father is showing off.”

Sighing, Wei WuXian sheathed his sword and walked a bit to Jiang WanYin, placing a hand on his shoulder, “You should be happy Uncle Jiang is giving you this opportunity. If he sees how capable you are, he might let you keep the title of head disciple by the time I get back.”

Slapping his hand away, Jiang WanYin growled, “What’s the use of being head disciple now! Now that everyone thinks your some amazing cultivator and I’m some useless twit. Everyone’s gonna think I’m only head disciple cause father’s pitying me, but I guess that’s what you want, isn’t it!?”

Face flushed red in anger, he truly was the spitting image of his mother. Breathing harshly and glaring down his shixiong, the sect heir twisted the ring on his finger, agitation in his eyes.

Bringing a couple a fingers to his head, Wei WuXian massaged his temples, “Jiang Cheng, just...*sigh* I...should go. I’ll see you in a few months.”

About to turn back to the Lans, Wei WuXian was caught in a harsh grip by his lapels.

“Leave? Leave so you can evade responsibility for the shit-show you created?!, “Jiang WanYin shouted at him

Grabbing his shidi’s wrist, Wei WuXian demanded, “Let me go.”

A few senior disciples of the minor sects made way to step forward, however, none were as close as the Lans, who moved together as one near the ensuing conflict.

“My mother went into seclusion because of you!, “Jiang WanYin screeched, “Have you heard what people are saying about her? They’re calling her a lunatic and a demented woman with authority! Am I just supposed to stand there and take it while her integrity is being slandered? How dare you try abandon responsibility and go off with the Lan Sect, have you no loyalty to YunmengJiang!?”

Lan WangJi stepped in front of Wei WuXian, blocking Jiang WanYin’s assault, “Yu-Furens actions are her own, “He said tersely, “She suffers her own consequences.”

“Suffering her own consequences? She’s being tormented because this snake couldn’t help but show off! But I guess that doesn’t matter to the Lan Sect, now does it? You have that big library filled with who knows what; you probably want this deserter to fill an entire new section, huh?, “Jiang WanYin sneered in Lan WangJi’s face

“Wei Ying may choose to share his knowledge with whomever he wishes. The Lan Sect will endeavor to support his research. He needn’t fear abuse for elevating our collective knowledge of cultivation, “Lan WangJi spoke low and deep

Eyes widening in anger, Zidian cracked against the Jiang heir’s finger. For the slightest moment, the grounds were filled with the thoughts of a Jiang/Lan warfare if Jiang WanYin decided to strike the second heir to the notorious sect.

“Enough!, “Wei WuXian exclaimed, sensing the growing hostility between the two, “Lan Zhan, let’s just go. Please.”

“Mn, “Lan WangJi replied and raised an arm in the direction his clansmen were waiting, “After you.”

Giving a sideways glance at Jiang WanYin, Wei WuXian simply nodded at the man, knowing words would only escalate the situation. Jiang WanYin scoffed at him, doubling back to the inner halls of the sect.

Turning on their heels, Lan WangJi and Wei WuXian rejoined their group and mounted their swords. In seconds, a huddle of white - and one purple - clad disciples were flying through the air.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“How often did the Violet Spider whip you, Wei WuXian, “the Lan’s chief doctor, Lan Yu asked while running spiritual energy laced hands down the man’s back

Laying shirtless on an examining table, Wei WuXian said nothing while she examined his injuries, a look of indifference upon his face. Having unbandaged his wounds, his back was still bright in color, draining to a light pink over the many hours.

“I’ll remind you that gossip is forbidden amongst the Lans, Young Master Wei, “Lan Yu stated after there was no reply, “You do not have to concern yourself yourself with Madam Yu’s reputation while in our presence; I simply want to know more about my patient’s history.”

Pursing his lips, Wei WuXian still did not reply.

Giving a low hum, Lan Yu retracted their hands and step to the side to retrieve salve and new bandages.

“I hope that you will come to trust us, Young Master Wei, “Lan Yu replied in a low voice as they started to apply the salve, “We Lans haven’t invited you here simply because of your research.”

“I never said you did, “was the first thing Wei WuXian said the entire time he’d be there

“True, you didn’t, “the doctor unfurled the bandages and started to wrap them tight around his person, “I just hope you don’t think that’s the reason. Had anyone else been in your position, I’m sure our Twin Jades would have helped them all the same.”

“Yeah, that does sound like them, “Wei WuXian cracked his neck and then joked, “I thought there would’ve been rule forbidding interaction with me by now, though.”

Pinning the bandages with a couple of clips, Lan Yu gave Wei WuXian a final once over with their spiritual energy.

“Everything looks to be in working order, “they nodded in satisfaction

“That’s good, “Wei WuXian gave them a wide grin, “Now Lan Zhan can stop giving me that doe-eyed look.”

“Doe-eyed?, “Lan Yu raised a brow

A knock sounded at the door, “Lan Yu, may we enter?, “Lan XiChen’s voice was on the other side

“Yes, of course, “they replied while giving the Jiang cultivator another inquisitive glance

Stepping inside, the older jade nodded at the doctor before turning his smile toward the man on the table. Lan WangJi tentatively stepped into the room, standing side by side with his brother.

“Uncle had to head down to Caiyi to check on the Waterborne Abyss, but he promises to be back later today, “Lan XiChen started, “WangJi and I have a night-hunt to get to, but he wanted to check on Young Master Wei before we left.”

“Aw, Lan Zhan, “Wei WuXian said with a teasing lilt in this voice, “I told you I was fine, no need to hold up your night-hunt checking on little old me.”

Lan WangJi blinked at him before looking to Lan Yu, “Is he?”

Wei WuXian rolled his eyes while slipping off the examination table. Walking over to his robes set side and folded neatly by an assistant on a nearby chair, he began to dress.

“Infection has not set in and his meridians are stable, “Lan Yu stated more to the two other Lans than Wei WuXian, “I recommend Young Master Wei take some time out of his schedule to visit the Cold Springs to help accelerate his healing.”

Lan WangJi nodded and gave a bow to the doctor, “I will make him go there as much as possible.”

“Ai-ya, Lan Zhan, “Wei WuXian gaped at his words and put his hands on his hips, “You say that like I’m gonna run away or something.”

“Wei Ying declined Lan Yu’s treatment when we got here this morning, “Lan WangJi gave a glare to the other man, “I had to drag you here.”

The doctor turned to raise a concerned brow at him; Wei WuXian blushed and turned his head away.

“Young Master Wei..., “Lan Yu started

“I’m fine, I’m fine. All of you treating me like some porcelain vase, ah,what am I supposed to think, “Wei WuXian waved them away, “Didn’t you say you had a night-hunt? Best get going, hmm?”

“It shouldn’t take long, “Lan XiChen bowed to the doctor in thanks as well, “We should be back after breakfast tomorrow.”

Sliding on his outer robe, WeI WuXian replied, “Then....I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

...

The next day, Wei WuXian found himself in the Hanshi with Lan Xichen, a sea of cultivation notes strewn about the desk and themselves.

“I never thought you’d let me hold Liebeng, Zewu-jun, “Wei WuXian caressed the flute with a curious look on this face

To his side, Lan XiChen was giving the same amount of attention to Wei WuXian’s ChenQing.

“She’s beautiful; did you craft it yourself, “XiChen fiddled with the jade token on its tassel

“Mhmm, took me forever to find the right piece of bamboo, then even longer to purify and etch in blessings, “WuXian smiled twirling Liebeng

“Is there any specific song you want to play?, “WuXian handed the white xiao back to its owner while retrieving his dizi from the first jade’s hand

“We can play anything really, but I’d like to try a few of my clan’s techniques, “XiChen started, “I’m curious if it’s a instrumental difference or a personal difference in the effects of the song.”

“Right, right, so then we could start with Cleansing or Clarity?, “XiChen and WuXian started to shuffle through the mountain of notes they had accumulated

A light knock sounded at the door before a servant came in, “Young Master Wei, you have received some letters.”

“Already?, “the young man raised a brow while rising from the piles of parchments, “Well, thank you for bringing them.”

Taking the satchel from their hands, he shifted through the parcels. Prim folded letters filled the bag.

An uncomfortable frown found its way onto Wei WuXian’s face, “Ah, these people don’t know when to quit.”

Taking a letter from the tote, the official sign of the PingyangYao sect shined back at him.

XiChen had a bemused smiled watching as a cloud of frustration lined Wei WuXian’s brow.

“That seems like a lot to get through; I can help you pen a few replies, “he tried his best not to laugh

“Ah, Zewu-jun is a life saver.”

...

A few days later, Wei WuXian was asked to attend to a class with Lan Qiren. Being awoken at the ridiculous hour of six in the morning, Wei WuXian found himself in a room filled with juniors not unlike his own lectures seven years ago.

Resisting a yawn, he greeted them, “Morning Little Lans.”

“Good morning, Senior Wei, “the white clad disciples bowed in greeting before sitting down in perfect Lan posture, not reacting to his nickname for them

“We still have a few minutes before your Lan-laoshi gets here, “Wei WuXian started, sitting on Lan Qiren’s desk in the front of the classroom, “Before we’re all stuck in here for hours, any questions?”

The younger disciples suddenly piqued up, all rising from their seats, faces a light with curiosity. Being too young to attend the infamous lecture and banquet, they were left in the Cloud Recesses to read the materials. After, they were overwhelmed with gossip and tales from Caiyi town, and now the center of the commotion was right in front of them.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“How are your back wounds, Senior Wei?”

“How many night-hunts did you have to go on to write all those books?”

Surrounding the older man, the disciples hammered on with their questions and didn’t notice Lan Qiren stepping into the room. A notch appeared on the older man’s forehead as he watched the tornado of students in the front of the class.

“How often were you whipped?”

“Do you plan on going back to your sect, or staying here?”

“Enough!, “Lan Qiren’s voice boomed making all of them flinch, “All of you will copy Etiquette fifty times after class.”

Wei WuXian chuckled at the now dejected faces of the students as they returned to their seats, “Ah, Lan-Laoshi, don’t you think that’s a bit much? They were just curious is all.”

“Should I assign you lines for corrupting our youth?, “The man was stern faced, taping his hand with a scroll, scowling at the younger man, “I also don’t think you finished from the last time you were here; shall I re-instate the punishment?”

Face suddenly covered with sweat, Wei WuXian addressed the students, “Now, now, listen to your Lan-laoshi. I’m....gonna go find your second young master. Where might he be? The library? The library. See you Little Lans.”

Striding out of the room, the students were agape as the Jiang cultivator made a quick escape.

“Senior Wei!, “they cried, “Aren’t you supposed to help teach today?”

“Don’t forget your essays tonight!, “Wei WuXian’s voice called from far off

...

A week later, Wei WuXian found himself in a field with Lan WangJi, along with a few hundred guests.

“Ah, do you really have an entire field of rabbits, Lan Zhan?, “Shuffling through the tall grass, the little balls of fluff jumped here and there to avoid the large human man

“Not mine, “Lan WangJi replied, “I only come to feed them everyone once in a while.”

“And to think that you refused the two I gave you..., “Turning with a large grin , Wei WuXian was suddenly awestruck, “Wait...are those?”

Cuddled in Lan WangJi’s arms were two rabbits, one black and one white. The black rabbit happily kicked its feet against Lan WangJi’s arms while crunching on a piece of lettuce. The white one, on the other hand, chewed sedately, nose twitching at it’s companion.

“Wei Ying’s rabbits, “Lan WangJi brought them closer to Wei WuXian

Taking the white rabbit with one hand, Wei WuXian felt his cheeks flaring up and rubbed the back of his neck, “Ah, Lan Zhan, you must really like rabbits, hmm?”

“ Xiongzhang brought the rest here; I feed them and play music sometimes, “WangJi said, bending down to sit primly in the grass

The Second Jade of Lan was immediately surrounded from all angles by the army of white fur.

Following suit, Wei WuXian was enamored to watch with his chin in his hands, Lan WangJi feed each and every rabbit their own piece of carrot or lettuce, tapping those trying to steal from others on their small little noses.

Covering his face with his hands, Wei WuXian entire body heated up, ‘Lan Zhan, you really are too cute!, ‘he thought

“Wei Ying?, “Peeking through his eyes, Lan WangJi was staring at him

“Huh, oh nothing, “taking the white rabbit back into his hands, he spoke, “so, what’s your name, hmm.”

The white rabbit didn’t seem to be impressed, eyes solely focused on its companion, watching as it claimed Lan WangJi’s lap as its throne, swatting away any other bunny that tried to join it.

“Eh, it’s ignoring me, “shaking the animal lightly, WuXian snarked, “It’s Lan Zhan in rabbit form!”

“Then Yin (Silver) is Wei Ying, “WangJi replied in a dead pan voice

“Yin?, “scratching the white rabbit behind the ears, WuXian gave WangJi a questioning glance

“Yin, “the Second Jade placed a gentle hand on the black rabbit running down its back, “Very energetic. Very mischievous. Ate one of Xiongzhang ’s letters from Chifeng-zun once.”

Snickering, he brought the white rabbit eye level, “So what’s rabbit Lan Zhan’s real name?”

“Yun (Cloud), “WangJi replied, “Only likes playing with Yin.”

The white rabbit illustrated this by swatting at Wei WuXian’s nose with its paw, almost glaring at him.

“Hmm, you want me to put you down, “WuXian grinned flopping the rabbits ears, “you want your friend? Well you can’t have him!”

Reaching over, Lan WangJi saved the rabbit from Wei WuXian’s grasp and placed it in his lap with it’s companion. Raising his arms once more, he captured Wei WuXian’s hands in his.

Wei WuXian grew quiet, staring down at their hands clasped together.

“Lan Zhan?, “was all he could say

“Wei Ying, “Lan WangJi said intertwining their fingers

Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi were once again staring into one another eyes. Silver and Golden eyes radiated with an untold amount of emotions.

Wei WuXian felt his cheeks heating up once more, "Lan Zhan...you-”

Letting go of his hands, Lan WangJi gently shoved the rabbits to the ground and stood with a flourish, “Lunch is in a few hours, let’s rest your wounds in the Cold Springs until then”

Turning around, Lan WangJi walked out of the field as fast as the Lan rules allowed him. Mouth agape, Wei WuXian could only stand on clumsy feet and hurry after him.

“Eh? Ah! Lan Zhan, what? Wait for me!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wei-Xiong How are you? Are you okay? I’ve been missing sleep over this whole thing, I can’t get that banquet out of my head. I knew Yu-Furen could be callous, but I didn’t think that she be that cruel. And to think that she’s been doing this to you for years, I’m sick.

I will say that I’m a bit angry at you; why didn’t you tell me what was happening? I’m your friend aren’t I? I care about you and want you to be okay. If you had said something, I would have tried to talk to Da-ge, maybe we could’ve, oh I don’t know....

Da-ge and I plan on coming to visit XiChen-ge in a few weeks. When I get there, I am taking you to Caiyi Town for some Emperors Smile. Wishing you well. --- Nie Huaisang

Nie-Xiong I am well and I admit I missed the beauty of the Cloud Recesses. The Lan Sect is as beautiful as ever, but, as expected, still no one can match up to the Twin Jades.

I do not wish to worry you, Nie-Xiong. I promise that I am fine and this situation is simply blown out of proportion.

You would not believe these Lans. I can’t go anywhere without someone asking me if I need assistance or worrying about my wounds - which are healing nicely and quickly might I add. Even Lan Zhan, our ever present piece of living jade, keeps around me. Not that I mind his company, but he’s never seemed to want to be around me before, always telling me to “get lost”. What am I supposed to do with this new Lan Zhan?

I will say though that the Cloud Recesses is lacking in the other sort of material that you and I enjoy. If you would be so inclined, dear friend, would you send me a package? I promise your discretion will be repaid in full. ---Wei WuXian

...

a-Xian It has only been a few weeks, but I can feel your absence greatly. I miss your smile; it always seemed to brighten my day. I cannot wait for your time in the Cloud Recesses to be over; I’ve bought some rare chilies from the market; I plan on making you a special pot of pork rib and lotus root soup when you get back.

a-Cheng has taken to pushing the shidis like mother; the other day he made them train with weights for six hours straight and then made them run the entire training grounds twenty times. He has been very gloomy ever since you left, and I think this is his way to vent. I think he’s still a bit sad that he can’t practice his sword forms, due to his cast.

Father rarely leaves his office these days other than to eat and sleep. A servant has told me that the minor sect leaders keep hounding him about his lack of action with mother. Sect Leader He even said that our clan was dishonorable for mother’s treatment of you. Father looks so haggard whenever we have dinner together.

And that’s not all. Last week, one of the merchants we normally trade with retracted their contract with us. We will no longer be receiving the amount of talisman paper, inkstones, and supplies that we normally get.

Mother is still in seclusion, but she converses with Madam Jin by letter. I happened upon one; Jin GuangShan is refusing to re-instate my betrothal to ZiXuan again. Due to the banquet, he believes that the Jiang Sect’s reputation would only taint LanlingJin’s; Madam Jin and mother are both enraged. --- Jiang Yanli

Shijie I am healing nicely, so nicely, I will probably end up leaving early. The Cloud Recesses are nice, but making sure my Shijie is happy is even nicer! I do not want you to be sad, and I’m sorry that this situation has stressed you so.

Tell Jiang Cheng that the shidis need positive reinforcement and breaks; otherwise they will strain themselves and possibly harm their cores. Do not tell him I said that.

I myself have been receiving letters from the minor sects. If Uncle Jiang wants, I could take on some of his work load, just send the letters to me here. It is unfortunate that the merchant has decided they no longer wish to work with us, but I’m certain we can find another in time. Since the minor sects are rallying against YunmengJiang it is only profitable to be one of the only merchants not on our payroll.

XianXian cannot wait to taste your extra spicy pork rib and and lotus root soup! I’ll even bring some jars of Emperor’s Smile back for us all to enjoy. There’s a vendor who sells loquats, so I’ll make sure to buy some baskets and pastries when I leave. ---Your Forever Three Year Old XianXian

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“WuXian, are you sure you’re up for a nighthunt?, “Lan XiChen raised a brow at the grinning man

“Zewu-jun, no offense, but if I don’t get off this mountain tonight, I’m going to scream, “Wei WuXian huffed in bemusement, “I can’t stay cooped up here forever; besides, it’s just some walking corpses, right?”

“Mm, “XiChen replied, “the villagers have barricaded themselves in the northern villages to escape, the southern town has been completely run over.”

Climbing upon their swords, the three cultivators and their entourage sailed through the night sky. The villages were only a couple hours away by sword, so it took no time at all to reach the deserted province.

XiChen took out a map, “Let’s all split up into groups. Lan Bao and I will cover the markets. Lan Ju and Bai An Na will cover the residential area. Gong JingYi  and Lan Qing will perimeter the village, and WuXian and WangJi will clear the surrounding forest. Everyone understand? After you finish, head straight to the village center.”

Everyone nodded in in agree and sent off into their teams. Brandishing a Demon Wind Compass, WangJi and WuXian headed off the into the surrounding trees.

The forest was silent except for a few trilling insects and owls. The sound of their feet against the rough ground was like the constant thump of a beating heart.

“Lan Zhan?, “Looking to his side, Wei WuXian had a contemplative look on his face

Lan Wangji hummed in reply.

“We’re friends right?, “Wei WuXian gave a small smile

“Yes, “Lan WangJi replied without hesitation

“Good. That’s good, “WuXian said kicking a stray rock out of his way

The continued walking in silence for a few more minutes.

“I really wanted to be your friend when we were younger, “WuXian said to clear the silence, “I thought that if I could get past that cold exterior of yours, you’d be really fun to play with.”

“We are friends now, “WangJi stated

“Yeah, but we’ve missed so much time together, “WuXian countered, “There’s so much we missed out on! So many places in Yunmeng I wanted to take you to.”

“We can still go, “WangJi said, “After you are healed.”

WuXian let out a small huff, “Ah, Lan Zhan, how smart of you, but I’ll probably be very busy when I go back to the sect.”

“You intend to go back?, “WangJi questioned

“Hmm, of course I do. What other choice do I-”

*SCHREEEEEEECH*

“What was that, “shifting in defensive stances, the two were immediately on edge

*SCHREEEEEEECH*  *SCHREEEEEEECH*

Sound blaring out into the night, birds and critters normally sleep at night startled and ran away from the piercing sound. Looking to his companion, WangJi and WuXian nodded at one another and unsheathed their blades.

“I’ll take left, “WuXian said hurriedly while rushing into the trees

The forest returned to its quiet state, but the calm air had long disappeared. The cool wing now felt harsh against his bare skin.

Taking out his compass once more, the needle pointed back towards the village.

“Not working? How’s that possible?, “he mumbled to himself

“Ying, ”a voice called out

“Who’s there, “raising Subian, he glared into the darkness

“Ying, ”it said once more

Throwing up a light talisman, the trees produced elongated shadows, towering around him. The branches were thin and prickly, almost like sharp nails.

“a-Ying~, ”it sang, almost taunting

“Lan Zhan?, “Wei WuXian turned in a circle and called out to his partner, “Lan Zhan, are you there?”

The wind laughed at him, leaves tearing from their branches showered down upon him.

“Who’s there, “ banishing talisman in hand, he gritted his teeth, “Come out right now.”

“Young Master Wei?, “a familiar voice called

“Zewu-jun?, “Wei WuXian said, confusion lining his voice

“Young Master Wei!?, “the voice called again, “Where are you?”

“Zewu-jun?, “Wei WuXian called back, “I’m over here!”

The wind blew harshly once more, branches crackling around him. Another sound shifted from behind him; the bushes rustled violently.

Turning rapidly in defense, Wei WuXian gasped as a black shroud covered his vision.

“!!!”

...

Lan WangJi sat against the wall of the village gate, posture perfect and face looking devoid of any emotion. The only sound he made was the rapid tapping of his fingers against the wall. Not facing his other group mates, his eyes laid perfectly on the surrounding forests of the village, searching.

“I hope Young Master Wei is alright, “Lan Bao said tapping their foot repeatedly against the ground, “it’s only been a couple hours, but what if his back wounds acted up?”

“He has a signal flare on him. If it were truly serious, he would have called for us, “Gong JingYi tried to placate them

“Young Master Gong is right, “Lan Qing agreed, “Besides, the Demon Wind Compass isn’t detecting anything dangerous from the forests.”

Lan Bao sighed and stopped their foot, “That’s why I’m worried. The villagers said the town and surrounding areas had been taken over, but Second Young Master Lan didn’t find anything before he came back.”

The three fell silent once more.

Lan WangJi paused his hand, taking his own compass out of his sleeves. Staring at the unmoving needle, he narrowed his eyes in question.

“Medic!, “the sound of Zewu-jun shouting had everyone’s head turning in alarm

“Xiongzhang?, “Lan WangJi was to his feet quickly, rushing towards his brother’s voice

The others followed,  clamoring behind the second jade as he pushed through the tall trees. The came upon a clearing.

Lan Qing gasped, “Zewu-jun! Young Master Wei!”

Lan XiChen was pale faced, one arm slung around Wei WuXian’s waist and the other having slung his right arm around his shoulders. He wasn’t conscious from what they could see, feet dragging on the ground and head lolled forward, but most alarming....

blood was gushing out his neck!

“WuXian’s been injured; we need to leave now!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author’s Notes:

-The original draft of this entire fic was only four chapters long, you can see how that turned out.

-Yes, I know this chapter is almost 5k words, but you wouldn’t believe it was much longer before I re-wrote it, it was at least 8k in the first draft

-I made WWX a little bit terser with JC cause I feel like if No SSC happened and living with Madam Yu and JC’s shit for even longer would have him treating JC like his resurrected self does quicker. Also, no 22yr old man is gonna baby another 22yr old lol.

-However, I also wanted to show that the Jiang’s abuse and conditioning is still in affect/there with his interactions with others. Hope I did a good job of it.

-I feel like a no SSC Lan WangJi might try to get with Wei WuXian, especially since he’s had time to work over his feeling with no war in the way. And then especially if the man he loved was whipped right in front of him.

Read my Prompts and WIPs [Here]

Dedicated

Summary: Harry asks what your favorite song off of Fine Line is.

Notes: This is set in December 2019, post-Fine Line release. Happy one year of Fine Line! Hope you enjoy! <3

“Harry, your album is just absolutely perfect! I’m a little bit jealous that we didn’t get to listen to it sooner honestly...”, your friend said, teasing. 

Your couple friends had invited you and Harry to go on a double date to celebrate Harry’s album coming out. After you had gone out to dinner, you both were hanging out at their house and drinking wine as the vinyl edition of Fine Line played in the background. 

Harry was extremely embarrassed about the whole thing, from the way that most of the conversation at dinner had been about him to the fact that you had cheered drinks “to the wonderful Harry Edward Styles” to the way that Fine Line was playing in the background right now. 

His blush was faint as he thanked your friend for the compliment while sipping on his wine glass. You rubbed his leg as you made eye contact with him, making sure that he was alright. He smiled back at you, mouthing “I’m fine” as he winked at you.

“But you got to listen to it early, right, Y/N?”, your friend said. You nodded as you made eye contact with Harry again. 

“Yeah, I did...It’s so special, H”, you elaborated as you touched Harry’s face for a second, just selfishly needing the intimacy. His eyes filled with warmth and surprise at your praise. He hadn’t known that you had listened to it early or at all but hearing the praise from your lips was divine.

“Aww...that’s so sweet. You guys are awfully in love”, your friend joked at the PDA.

“Yeah, when are you getting married? We could both be married couples then!”, her husband joked. 

Both you and Harry had that wide eyed, deer caught in the headlights look as you looked at them. A little bit of wine had even spilled out of Harry’s mouth and onto his linen shirt. 

Your friends hysterically started laughing at you two, making you and Harry laugh as well. 

“Well, I think we got that one answered!”, your friend joked as she went to go get something for Harry’s shirt in the kitchen. 

“We sure did!”, her husband added, as he stood up. “Who wants some dessert?”, he offered. 

“Yes!”, you and Harry both said at the same time, making each other laugh as you walked into their kitchen hand in hand. 

-

After you said goodbye to your friends, you and Harry walked to the car hand in hand, happy as can be.

As Harry drove you back to his house, you couldn’t help but admire him. He was such a talented person and yet he was still so humble about all of his success, blushing about it whenever anyone even mentioned it. He made a point of being kind to everyone he met even when they weren’t so kind to him. He never made anyone in his life feel neglected despite being a famous rockstar. He was so open to learning from others in order to become a better person that it was inspiring. You could think of a million reasons why you loved his personality before you would even think to mention his looks, even though he was the most beautiful person ever. 

He made sure you felt equal to him in all respects. He respected your boundaries and you respected his. He never pressured you to change for him. He never made you feel bad about yourself, no matter how bad you were fighting. He never made you feel like he was embarrassed of you, no matter how awkwardly you acted in front of his famous friends or when you couldn’t get a full sentence out when meeting his mom for the first time. He made you feel admired emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, sexually, in every way.

As you got out of the car and into his house, your thoughts wandered back to the conversation you had earlier with your friends. You knew it was too early to consider marriage, you had only been dating for a couple of months, but you were sure that Harry was the love of your life. Even if you never got married or even broke up, you knew there was always some part of yourself that would be dedicated to Harry. 

As you wandered outside into the backyard, you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking about Harry and what a future with him would look like. 

After a while, you felt two arms come up from around you and a head sit on your shoulder. 

“You’ve been quiet all night, love. What’s happening in here?”, he said as he kissed your temple. You felt yourself blush at the thought of telling Harry about how you were thinking about what a wonderful father he’d be. 

“I’ll tell you later, but I need to know about you right now. Are you okay? I know that it was...a lot for you tonight...”, you said, as Harry lightly giggled. 

“I’m okay, baby...it’s was just...a bit much”, he said honestly. You nodded then laid your head on his chest, swaying slightly. This was something that you had learned was comforting for him. 

“But also...I’ve been thinking about what you said about the album...”, Harry said. 

You pulled apart from him, looking at him in the eyes, curious about what he meant. 

“I meant what I said, Harry. I absolutely I love it”. Harry seemed embarrassed but satisfied as he smirked at you. 

“Oh, so you’re a fan?”, Harry cockily said as he winked at you, making you suddenly feel very shy as you looked down and buried your face in his chest. 

Harry must’ve known that you listened to his music, but you had never really discussed it in depth with each other. You had never really admitted that you were a fan of his. 

You never told him that when you cleaned, his music filled your house. You never told him that his music was prevalent throughout your playlists. You never told him that you had bought his albums despite the fact that you knew Harry would get them for you for free. You never told him that you had cried, laughed, and sang loudly to his songs in your free time. 

“And so what if I am?”, you said, teasingly, challenging Harry. You lifted your head from his chest and looked into his eyes. They seemed to be searching your eyes, looking for some trick or joke in them. You just stared at his, admiring as his pupils dilated. 

“If you’re such a fan, you must have a favorite song...”, Harry teased. 

“Well...I have a lot of favorites...”, you teased back.

“How about from your first listen?”, he specified. “The early listen you got? Hmm? What was a standout for you?”, he teased. 

You hid your head in his shoulder, embarrassed about how you basically jumped at the opportunity when Jeff offered to let you have a listen. You could tell that Harry wasn’t mad or angry or had any hard feelings about it, but you also knew that Harry would probably never let it go if he knew what a fan of him you were.

“Umm...I liked Cherry a lot...”, you whispered into his ear. You could hear his breath hitch and you started to rub his back, trying not to freak him out. 

“You don’t feel weird knowing that it’s about my ex?”, he whispered.

You immediately shook your head, “Never Harry. I never would be.” 

You heard him audibly let out a sigh. You giggled a bit as you separated from him, holding his hands instead as you looked at him. 

“It’s just such a beautiful song about love and exes and loving too hard and heartbreak and seeing them with a new person and-It’s so good Harry”, you said as you looked at where your hands were linked.

“You don’t think it’s pathetic?”, he asked shyly.

“Isn’t that the point of it?”, you said as you raised your head up to see him. He still had his head down, looking guilty and embarrassed. You came up to him and hugged him, placing your head on his shoulder. 

“I love you so, so, so unbelievably much Harry. I don’t care if every song you release is about someone else, as long as I know that you’re as in love with me as I am with you right now.”

Harry pushed you softly off of him and you looked into his red-rimmed eyes. 

“I am so in love with you, Y/N. You make every day of my life better. You make me feel so comfortable and loved and special even when I come home from work late and complain about things that are so stupid and petty you still listen. I love when we get to spend the night together and you lay on my chest while we watch romcoms. I love when you let me take care of you when you come home from work and let me make dinner and make a bath for you. I love you so much I can’t believe that we only met a few months ago and-I was going to save this for our one year anniversary, but I can’t wait any longer-will you marry me, Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N?”. He said as went down on one knee, slipped a red velvet box out of his jacket, and opened it to reveal a gorgeous ring. 

You felt your heart beat so fast as you put your hands over your mouth. He looked expectantly up at you, eyes watery, yours probably no better. You swallowed hard, finally letting out a small “Yes.”

{Image Sources: Dong Hua: https://daydaynews.cc/en/entertainment/419895.html Fengjiu: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/1196337391276429/}

The family of three deities had bid adieu to their relatives in Quingqui and taken the magical boat to Bihai Cangling. Dijun and Fengjiu had both managed to handle their respective duties and arranged for messengers to visit them here at their new place of residence, actually their real home, for the next few months. They were all very excited about it.

Fengjiu was remembering their last visit fondly. The last time she had been here, she had spent some magical time with Dijun.

Dijun was also remembering his last visit. But there wasn’t any fondness in those memories for him. He had been there was to build the Star Light ward. He had not expected to come back alive to this place, much less to come back alive with his wife and son. He looked at Xiaobai and marveled at her. It had been her who had saved him and saved his home. She was the best. He lovingly played with her hair.

Gungun saw that they were about to reach to a beautiful landscape, the likes of which he had never seen. “Father, your home is so beautiful. It’s even better than the Sky Kingdom!”, he exclaimed clapping excitedly.

“Gungun’s reaction to Bihai Cangling is just like yours when you came here for the first time.”, said Dijun smilingly to Xiaobai. "It's your home too, Gungun. It’s our home.", he added. He liked the sound of that very much.

Xiaobai noticed that a lot had changed since she had last visited. Row of fruit trees and vines had been planted - grapefruits, pears and grapes. There was a long corridor with an artificial hill. The hill really looked like a real rocky mountain, just smaller than a mountain. On either side of the corridor there were beautiful trees of foiling flowers. Spiritual birds danced to ‘paying homage to the Phoenix’ near by.

Then there was a pavilion overlooking a lotus pond. White and pink lotuses swayed gracefully in a cool breeze there. White sandalwood on each side of the pavilion gave the seating area a perfect cover from sun.

Xiaobai recalled her own words from the last time she had visited. Dijun had done everything she had asked for. She was transfixed.

When they walked a little further, her jaw dropped to the floor. Sitting atop a slightly raised platform was a house. Not just any house - the bamboo house she had drawn! Oh, Dijun!!!! She stood dumbfounded with tears in her eyes.

Dijun realized she had stopped walking and turned around. When he saw her face he asked with worry, “What’s wrong? Did I mess it up?” Forgetting about Gungun watching them, she ran forward and hugged him. She buried herself in his arms and said, “No, Dijun. No mess up. This is perfect. You made our home. Our home!” She choked on her emotions and couldn’t say anything else. Dijun smiled and planted a kiss on her head.

Gungun was watching all this and came running. “Mother and Father are kissing again. I want a kiss too.”, he giggled. Dijun picked him up and twirled him high. His giggles and Dijun’s laughter filled the space. And Xiaobai’s heart. They were home.

When they went inside, Xiaobai realized that all the basic things they had planned for, had been done. There was a study, a living room and a well-lit, well ventilated kitchen. The large kitchen window overlooked the fruit trees. There were two identical rooms - one for Gungun and another for his little brother/ sister, as Dijun explained, his eyes hinting mischievously. It made Gungun very excited to think that he would have a playmate. Then there were a couple guest rooms. Dijun and Xiaobai’s  room was a spacious suite with a large bed. A foiling flower tree was the headboard of that bed. They even had a nice little hot spring next to their room.

“Dijun, the house is great, but there’s still work to do. We have to set up the kitchen, the wardrobes and such.”, began Xiaobai. “If I do everything, what will you do?”, he interrupted her, pretending to be arrogant and tapped her forehead. Then he leaned in and whispered in her ears “But I have already done so much work here. You owe me big this time.  I will collect my dues from you at night.” Seeing her cheeks instantly color up pleased him.

There was a balcony behind their room. It overlooked a large playground with targets set up for practicing archery, an open space for sword plays and martial arts. On one side was another building. “That is a workshop where we can forge weapons. I have also placed all the weapons I have made or collected in a room in there. I am sure you will like it.”, said Dijun. She looked at him with pride in her eyes. Dijun felt that all his efforts had been completely worth it.

“I am so hungry, mother. When can we eat?”, asked Gungun. “You and Father can put your things in your rooms. I will quickly get food ready.”, said Xiaobai patting him. They all went their separate directions and got busy.

After some time they all got together in the dining room and ate a simple but delicious meal. Fengjiu had found that right next to the kitchen was a vegetable and herb garden. She had picked some fresh veggies to prepare rice porridge and mushrooms-vegetables stir fry. Some lentil cakes rounded up the meal. She had always been good in cooking. Her years in mortal realm had helped her perfect  the art of making do with whatever was available.

After they cleared up all the food, Fengjiu wanted to go to her room and take a nap. But Dijun insisted they go to the lotus pond and catch some fish. She almost suspected that he wanted to keep her away from their bedroom. “May be he has made a mess in there with all the stuff. I better not go in there or else I will end up cleaning everything myself.”, she thought to herself as she followed her guys to the pond. When they got there, she rested her head in Dijun’s lap and dozed off happily.

She woke up a little while later when tiny hands were trying to tap on her head. "Mom, wake up! Look I caught a fish!! My first ever fish!!!", Gungun was showing off with eyes wide with excitement. She couldn't help by smile at him. "I will make sweet and sour fish for dinner tonight with this. You both like it, don't you?" She said. Two heads full of silver hair nodded in fervent agreement. "Like father - like son", she chuckled.

She completely lost herself in cooking dinner. In addition to sweet and sour fish, she also made sticky rice and soup. "For Dijun and Gungun. They need this nourishment.", she told herself. All this was gobbled up pretty quickly between the three of them.

After dinner they took off for a long walk that led them back to the weapon forge. Dijun took them in and Fengjiu was like a kid in the candy store. She enjoyed designing and creating mechanical weapons. Among other things, this was something she and Dijun had in common. Gungun was quite curious and looked around with amazement. But he was slowly beginning to get tired and needed to get to bed. So they all returned homewards.

"You take him to his room and get him ready for bed. I will bring him a glass of milk. He will sleep well with that.", said Dijun. Fengjiu nodded and walked away holding Gungun's little hand. In his room, she helped him bathe and change. They both were happy they didn't need to dye his hair anymore. As she was settling him in his bed, Dijun came in with a glass on milk in his hand. He made sure Gungun finished it up. Then they both dimmed the candles, kissed Gungun sweet dreams and left the room.

When they reached the doorstep of their bedroom, Dijun gestured Fengjiu to stop. "What's wrong?", asked Fengjiu puzzled. "Close your eyes.", ordered Dijun. "Why should I?", replied Fengjiu more puzzled. "Please, Xiaobai. Do as you are told.", Dijun coaxed her. So she sighed and closed her eyes. "You are acting very weird tonight.", she said.

She found herself being lifted in his arms. She felt the door opening and he walking in with her.

"Can I open my eyes now?" Feng Jiu asked. "Not yet, just a little bit longer.", Dijun replied. She could feel the smile in his voice.

"What's going on? I am opening my eyes now." She nagged him anxiously as she felt herself being lowered on something extremely soft.

"Wait. Just a few more moments.", Dijun replied as he adjusted her clothes. "Okay, you can open your eyes now.", he said.

She was so not ready for what she was seeing. The room had been transformed. It looked like a bride's chamber on a wedding night. There was an altar placed for heaven worship ceremony. Gold, white and purple lanterns adorned the ceiling. Matching candles, flower arrangements and curtains hung everywhere. Every seat in the room and the whole bed was covered in foiling flower petals. She was draped in her wedding gown. And then as she turned towards Dijun she saw that he himself was looking extremely handsome in his wedding attire. Nothing in the room was nearly as mesmerizing as the sight of the regal man himself. He took her breath away and she could not help but stare at him open mouthed.

"I never gave you a proper wedding. I have regretted that very much.", he said huskily as he walked towards her with a purple veil. "Tonight, let's get married, Xiaobai.", he said softly as he came close and arranged the veil over her hair. She didn't know what to say or do. She was completely under his spell.

He led her by her hand towards the altar. They kowtowed to the heaven and earth. They remembered her parents and kowtowed for them. Then they bowed to each other. Very carefully he lifted her veil and took her hands in his.

"In all three eternities you are the only one who has moved my heart, Xiaobai. You, little fox, will always belong to me.", he looked deeply into her eyes and promised possessively.

She smiled with stars in her eyes and promised him back, "In any eternity I will bring you in my life. Because I love you the most Dijun, you will always belong to me."

He leaned in and planted kisses on her face. He kissed her hair, her forehead, her eyes, her nose and then covered her lips with his. He felt her respond to him and deepened the kiss. She trembled and moved closer in his arms. Slowly he moved to her ear. "Ever since I have had this dress made for you, I have imagined so many ways I would like to undress you from it.", he teased huskily. "Um? So you got this elaborate and extravagant dress made only so that you could undress me from it?", she asked pulling back and squinting her eyes at him. "HHmm.. ", he pursed his lips and nodded solemnly. "You are so... ", she started to say, but completely lost her train of thought under his hot, hungry gaze. He claimed her lips again and started undressing her.

─────────────────────

I n n e r e r  D ä m o n (inner demon)

⋆ pairing: demon!seong hwa x reader (poly!ateez)

⋆ genre: demon au, suggestive, crack, smut

⋆ warnings: strong language, smut, dom, scary

⋆ words: 3,100

⋆    „It is cold and already dark outside. You should have dinner with us and then sleep here.“

─────────────────────

„Guys? Are you there?“ You stood in the door step of the grand mansion tingling the keys in your hands.

„(y/n)?“ Seong Hwa came out of the kitchen eying you friendly with a tea in his hand.

„Oh, you’re here. Where are the others?“

Closing the door behind you and getting rid of your shoes the latter gave you a peck on your cheek with a slight grin.

„Library.“

You nodded at him and followed into the kitchen.

Days were getting colder now and your nose immediately picked up the smell of the dish the demon was cooking.

You crouched down in front of the oven to take a peak at what was cooking deliciously inside it.

„Tea?“

You glanced up seeing Seong Hwa already prepared a cup for you. You took it from him with a smile thanking the boy.

„You don’t even want to ask why I am here?“

„No, I am always happy when you come. Don’t need to know the reason.“

You roll your eyes at his cheeky comment and sip from the hot cup.

„Mh, well, I will tell you nonetheless. I originally wanted to ask if some of you wanted to join me pick out a dress for the fall ball.“

„Oh, I would like to help you but I promised the guys that dinner would be ready when they arrive...“

„No problem. I am just too lazy to go by myself. Mind if I join you a little bit?“

„Absolutely not! But for now we have to wait about half an hour so I was really just going to chill on the couch.“

„Okay.“

Soon you found yourself cuddled on the couch and you just couldn’t warm up so Seong Hwa decided to take you into his arms.

You didn’t complain because he was really warm and it was hard to not fall asleep in his arms. From behind you could feel his breath tingling the small hairs of your neck and additionally he just started to massage your shoulders.

It was all too good if there wouldn’t be this bulge pressing into your back that would make you go crazy.

Seong Hwa leans down and kisses your ear which earns him a slight whine from you.

„Why aren’t you sleeping?“

„I-isn’t it obvious?“

You can hear a low chuckle coming from him realizing what you mean. Oops, he couldn’t hold that back.

„I am sorry. We could make something about it by the way...“

You were glad the demon couldn’t see your face because it turned red like a strawberry. Of course Seong Hwa listened to your heart beat that just seemed to increase in speed.

„I don’t think that would be a good idea...“

Seong Hwa sits up and turns your face to him so you’re eye to eye.

„Why not?“

„I don’t k-know...“ Why are you stuttering?

„You don’t find me attractive?“

Was he dumb? Did he look into a mirror from time to time? Right now his hair looked softer than ever and his eyes were as dark as the night. Only you knew if you looked deeper into the dark orbs you could see a galaxy hiding inside it that entrapped you entirely if you looked too long.

His lips looked very inviting while he tried to read your mind.

„(y/n)?“

„What?“

„You just zoned out.“

„Oh, yes. Maybe I should go.“

You took Seong Hwa‘s hands from your face and tried to stand up. The demon stopped you and pulled you down with him again.

„It is cold and already dark outside. You should have dinner with us and then sleep here.“

„No.“

He frowned at you tightening his grip around your wrists that layed above you.

„Or yes?“ A smile emerged on his face and he stood up.

„Dinner should be ready. Will you help me?“

„Of course...“

Well, that wasn’t scary at all.

You help to decorate the table with Seong Hwa and run to the door when you hear the others finally arriving back home.

First boy you see is Hong Joong and you couldn’t hold yourself back to run into his arms and kiss his neck. The boy himself is a little bit confused to find you waiting at their home but quickly engulfs you in his arms, too.

San whistles while taking off his shoes eyeing the scene. „If this isn’t a nice surprise I don’t know.“

Hong Joong takes in your scent humming peacefully into your ear. „What are you doing here, baby?“

You lean back and smile at him lovingly.

„Seong Hwa didn’t let me go.“

Woo Young turns suspicious at this and screams at the older one. „Hyung!“

„What?“

„Mh, Hwa seems to be a little bit out of it.“

Yun Ho takes his brother and inspects him.

„What is it?“

„You seem off, hyung. Thirsty... Well, only a few weeks until the ghosts are coming back to earth. You should calm down and don’t have too much contact with (y/n).“

Jong Ho erupts into laughter. „I would’ve never expected Seong Hwa to be affected!“

„Stop laughing, Jong Ho. This could happen to all of us.“ Hong Joong says while he guides you into the dining part of the living room.

„I am totally fine.“ Seong Hwa blinks a few times and sits down.

„Of course you are.“ Min Gi rolls with his eyes leaving you totally confused. What was going on with Seong Hwa?

„What is with him?“

„When the night of Halloween is around we - “

„Stop! She doesn’t need to know that.“

You eyed them suspiciously. Hong Joong could be such a noob.

You decided to ask one of them later again.

After a hot bath you tiptoed over to the boy’s room you know who couldn’t resist your charm. You slowly opened the door and peaked inside to see where he was. A gasp left you seeing San‘s... bottom. You clasped your palm over your mouth to not let any further sounds leave you.

Of course San could sense someone standing at his door. What he didn’t guess that it would be you who was watching him without a second thought.

He turned around to see who was intruding him after his shower and he nearly doubled over to see you there.

„Perverted kitten.“ His shocked gaze quickly changed into a mischievous one and while fastening the towel around his torso entirely he emerged your form.

You closed the door behind you and turned around to see the demon standing directly in front you noses touching slightly. You take a step back only to hit the door with your back.

„You don’t even know how long I‘ve been waiting for this day. The (y/l/n) (y/n) finally in my room, only the two of us. I am so glad you finally realized how you cannot live without m - “

„San, no, just stop! I am not here for that!“

San pouts at that. To be honest he also thought this could only be too good to be true. Nevertheless he was a little bit sad.

„You’re missing a lot, dear.“

„I am sure of that.“

„So what do you want?“ The boy turns around to get some perfume continuing with his night routine.

„I wanted to ask you something.“

San put away the perfume turning around to face you again and starts to smile.

„Little minx. I won’t tell you anything. Hong Joong can be scary when he’s angry.“

„But San, I need to know. Seong Hwa never behaved this way before and I am just worried about him.“

The boy crouches down in front of you and takes your hands into his own.

„(y/n), you don’t need to worry. Everything’s under control. The only thing you can do is tell us immediately when he behaves strange again.“

„Please, San. What do I do when all of you are behaving this because of Halloween? Then no one can help me so I should be able to safe myself!“

San thinks a few seconds before standing up again and taking a seat next to you on his bed.

„Maybe you’re right... but don’t tell anyone that you know.“

You nod eagerly at the black haired.

„Ehm, so, for us demons the 31st of October is always a very special day. Not only that, the whole month is spiritual. We have something that you could call our inner... demons? They’re more animalistic and especially with the one we adore they can get pretty out of hand.“

„So you’re telling me that the things Seong Hwa did earlier wasn’t really him?“

„No, no! It was him but more like his deepest desires came to the surface. He wasn’t really in control. Sometimes when our inner demon takes control we cannot clearly remember what happened in during that time.“

„Oh, but, he wouldn’t hurt me, right?“

„Of course not! We would never hurt you. I mean our demons are all very different but U don’t think anyone of them would harm you in any way.“

„If you say so I believe you. Then thanks San!“ You giggle and kiss him on his cheek as a reward before leaving his room to get into bed on your own.

San watches you leaving him with a frown on his face. He really hopes none of their demons would accidentally hurt you.

After your night routine you snuggle into your bed and start to watch a few videos on your phone before turning off the light. Sleep doesn’t come easily to you because of the thoughts about their ‚inner demons‘ keeping you awake.

Luckily Hong Joong’s room was next to you and if something happened he would hopefully awake by it. Turning around you faced the moon that lightened the room a little bit and after a few minutes watching it your eyes closed.

You felt something touching your bare legs and in between thinking it was still a dream you became fully aware of that you should open your eyes immediately.

You shrieked up and could’ve peed yourself at the dark silhouette over your body. You wanted to scream and trash around but instead nothing came out of your mouth and like an instinct your tried to punch the intruder who easily caught your fist in the air.

Leaning forward you also realized still dizzy from the sleep that it was Seong Hwa who smirked at you mischievously.

„Tsk, not bad.“

Oh god. His tone sounded way darker than usual and you could also see his orbs colored in a crimson you’ve never seen before. You gulped and tried to get your hand back from him but he moved it down so it was placed up above your head into the cushions.

This also caused you to lay down in the process and the demon to linger above you.

„S-Seong Hwa?“ Your voice sounded hoarse and barely louder than a whisper but the demon could understand you perfectly.

And he frowned.

With a swift move he grabbed for your other wirst and pinned it above you, too. He leaned down and went for your neck to take a good smell of your scent.

„I am not Seong Hwa, my love. My name is... Hwa Seong and we weren’t introduced yet.“

He gave you a big gummy smile and you shuddered at the strong grip he had on your wrists that slowly turned numb.

„You, you you are Seong Hwa‘s inner demon!“

„I am. The whole day I fought to finally meet you officially. Seong Hwa‘s always such a drag for not letting me out to fulfill his desires.“

„His d-desires?“

Seong Hwa‘s or wait? Hwa Seong‘s eyes turned into crescents and you could see little fangs adorning his teeth at how happily he smiled at you.

Suddenly he starts to place an opened mouthed kiss on your collarbone to which you cannot hold yourself back to shamelessly react with a whine and a move of your hips upwards.

Hwa Seong looks at you again with pride and let’s go of your wrist to place his hand under your chin.

„Tell me, my love. Secretly you want us, right? You always act so innocent but I know what you want.“

E-excuse me? You don’t like how this develops right now.

„Pff, I want nothing.“

His grip on your chin tightens which turns into a slight pleasant pain and your body feels like you just rode a roller coaster.

„I will ask you again and if you lie to me one more time it will have consequences.“ Hwa Seong says through gritted teeth and you really don’t know how far the demon would go so you calm yourself down and slowly nod at him.

„Do you find me hot?“

You nod again.

He smirks arrogantly and leans back so he’s in a sitting position on your body. You wonder what he is about to do and immediately look away when he takes off his shirt to reveal his upper body.

He tosses the shirt away and watches you with a smug look.

„No need to be shy. Look at me.“

There was no doubt he was utterly nice looking but still you were just too shy to check someone’s body out when he was right in front you. More like on you...

He takes your trembling hands and guides them up to his stomach. His skin feels hot and you wonder it it’s because of his demon form right now.

„You like that?“

You just cannot hold yourself back and snap at him. „Are we done here? I want to get back to sleep!“

Hwa Seong looks at you confused and starts to laugh out really loud at your reaction.

After a few seconds he calms down and looks at you without saying a word. You slowly become restless and want to get out of the situation.

Of course you were also a girl with needs and stuff and he was so hot and practically screamed jump on me and ride me the whole night but - and that’s really important for you - Hwa Seong intimidated you like shit and you wouldn’t want to do something Seong Hwa wouldn’t want because in the end it was still his body, too.

„You’re funny, (y/n). I can see why we have chosen you.“

Suddenly his aura turns darker and he seems to become more angry.

„But you have to behave my love. I have to teach you a lesson naughty girl. You know what I will do to you now?“

„What?“ You are scared as hell because you still didn’t know how to function with Hwa Seong and maybe your words weren’t very wise to begin with.

He leans down so your noses are touching and he breathes out before catching his breath. He seems - excited?

„I will fuck you into the mattress so hard you won’t be able to walk for a week.“

Dafuq this guy. He really just said that, right?

„But - “

„No buts! Apparently I will have to make you shut up, too... But before that how many orgasms are you able to take? Because I will give you way more for punishment.“

„H-hwa Seong, please don’t - “

Ok, your body definitely says yes and also your mind but you know you should stop him. You really should... but his hands are everywhere and your eyes are already closed when you feel his hand grabbing one of your boobs with a tight grip which earns him a moan and arch of your back for him.

The demon groans out very happy with your reaction but the pleasure stops instantly when he’s pulled back from you by Jong Ho and Min Gi.

„You idiots! Let go of me!“ Hwa Seong is struggling with the boys holding him down and Hong Joong and Yeo Sang run to you looking up your body for any marks or signs of mistreatment.

„Are you ok?“ Hong Joong holds your face with his hands looking very concerned.

„I - I am...“ Yeo Sang takes one of your hands and sees the marks on your wrists his eyes turning into a dangerous color.

„You’re not.“

„It is okay, I swear! He just pinned me down but it’s nothing.“

„It’s not nothing, baby. I am sorry I didn’t hear you sooner...“ Hong Joong‘s face is filled with regret and you still in a bliss move to take him into your arms seeking for his warmth and safety.

„How cute.“

„Shut up, Hwa Seong! Let Seong Hwa come back...“

„Why are you angry with me? She’s also in need of some satisfaction and you all cannot see it because you’re treating her like a porcelain stature.“

„You talk some shit. Just fuck off!“

Woo Young crouches down in front of the demon and grins. „I know it’s not really healthy but I will give Seong Hwa the serum to hold you back for a long time if you don’t go away this instant.“

Hwa Seong rolls with his eyes and if looks could kill Woo Young would be dead.

„Okay, okay. My love, I will come back and make my words come true - just so you know...“ He winks at you and suddenly collapses into Min Gi‘s lap.

Yeo Sang turns to you with a confused gaze. „What does he mean with that?“

Thankfully it was still quite dark in the room so they couldn’t see your blush.

Don’t think about. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about or he will read your mind anyways.

„It’s okay, you don’t have to answer and I won’t read it.“ Yeo Sang smiles at you leaving - of course - the others confused like always because Yeo Sang‘s voice was only in your head.

„It would be better you would sleep with someone for the rest of the night. Preferred not Seong Hwa of course.“

„Me!“ Yun Ho walks over to your bed and lifts you up like you weighed nothing. Before the others could protest he already was out of the door and on his way to his own bedroom.

„Don’t worry, (y/n). I will take care of you.“

He smiles at you lovingly and you grin back at him.

„I know. Good night Yun Ho!“

After a few seconds Yun Ho snuggles up from behind and puts his arm around your waist.

„You’re lucky I am not like Hwa Seong. Ho Yun would never hurt our precious baby.“

Your eyes open wide and you gulp.

Please no!

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↺ back to navi

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Hello! I absolutely adore your writing, especially your writings of kanej! Anyway, I would love to see you write something about jealousy from either kaz or inej, I just think it would be interesting to see your take on it! Obviously you don’t have to, I love your work! You’re a great writer!

❤️ Thank you so much!! This was so sweet to receive, and I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to get this to you! So, hopefully you’re cool with this, but I decided to apply this idea in a modern AU because I have another request I’m also working on for a modern AU and this felt like an opportunity for some more practice. 😊 (And it just made it more fun for me -- idk, my brain just needed to do something new with these characters to make this work.) 

Samples - Modern AU

Fandom: Six of Crows | Kaz + Inej (ft. all the other Crows)

Word Count: 3,545

Rating: Teen And Up (Language)

“Who did this?”

All of Kaz’s friends were doubling over in laughter around the round hand-me-down table in Kaz and Jesper’s apartment. There were black and white Cards Against Humanity prompts spread across its surface – the most offensive combination of which had Inej, well, and everyone else, in fits.

What made my first kiss so awkward? had been the prompt Inej had drawn.

To which Kaz had submitted the following, randomly-selected card for her consideration – Announcing that I am about to cum. And then kept his poker face locked in place.

“Who did this?” Inej was demanding again, clutching her stomach.

Kaz wasn’t sure why he was hesitating -- something strange was happening while all of this was playing out. Nina had one hand on Inej’s arm while she was fairly screeching with laughter. Inej was slumping against Jesper, like the laugh was shaking her boneless. In fact, everywhere he looked, he was noticing how they were each exchanging these casual, unconscious touches in the midst of their mirth – Matthias turning his face against Nina’s shoulder, Wylan slapping Jesper’s shoulder.

No one was touching Kaz, though – which, that was good, though, right? That was because they were his friends, and they were thoughtful, and they knew all about The Very Sad Thing that had made him the way that he was.

And yet --

Kaz couldn’t find it in himself to laugh. He should be laughing, though, he realized. A normal person would be laughing, given the infectious nature of laughter. And also it was genuinely a really funny card – that’s why he’d played it. But all he could do was force a smile, and that was it.

He suddenly felt like an alien among them.

“Was it you?!” Inej was exclaiming, waving the card at him. Kaz designed what he hoped was a coy smirk for her.

“Are you saying that’s your favorite?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“It was you.” Inej looked appalled, which only made everyone around the table hoot louder. Kaz was still smirking as she threw his winning card back at him with a mischievous, red-faced grin on her face.

“Oh, my God, Brekker.” Nina was wiping the tears off her apple-red cheeks.

“Why does that make it so much worse?” Matthias wondered, since he evidently could never not take a jab at Kaz. He scrubbed his eyes like he needed to wash them out.

And still not a single laugh out of Kaz’s body – this was disturbing. How long had he been this way? And why did he care so much all of a sudden?

“Guys, I’m pretty sure he won,” Wylan was saying, pointing at Kaz’s stack of wins. Had he? Everyone turned to count their cards.

Jesus Christ, he hadn’t even been paying attention to winning? But Kaz loved winning. It was the only reason he tolerated his roommate hosting these raucous game nights – because it meant Kaz could win things. And usually a lot of things. It was especially choice winning things off of Matthias Helvar, Nina’s latest lughead boyfriend she’d met at the gym, who now had to be invited to everything even though he sucked. He was always cuddling close to Nina, putting his arm around her, whispering gross things in her ear that made her giggle insufferably. It was so fucking uncomfortable.

Kaz never acted that way around Inej, and they’d been together for years. Sort of. Not always officially. It really had only been officially lately, but Kaz had always told himself he wasn’t one to need to put labels on things. Inej knewhow he felt – he knew this. (Did he, though?) He definitely knew this. (No, he didn’t.) There was no need to be like Matthias fucking Helvar and canoodle her in front of everyone on game night.

Oh, God. Kaz was suddenly having a realization, right there in the middle of counting his cards.

Oh, God.

He was jealous of Matthias Helvar.

Oh, this sucked.

This really fucking sucked. Kaz thought no one in their right mind should ever be jealous of that big dumb fuck, with his protein shakes and his weirdly popular fitspo Instagram page. The guy looked like he ate nothing but wild-caught salmon and organic broccoli. He wasn’t funny, and he’d say weirdly spiritual shit at socially unacceptable times. He probably spent his weekends doing annoying, on-brand fuckery like being one with nature and brewing his own kombucha, that asshole.

And this was the guy who felt comfortable enough to kiss a girl’s ear in a total stranger’s apartment. (Well, not a total stranger, Kaz would relinquish that – Nina had been dating Matthias for three months.) Matthias Helvar was doing all that nothing with his life, and he wasn’t the least bit self-conscious.

Ugh. Kaz hated that guy. Worse! Kaz wanted to be that guy. Minus the kombucha and the religious stuff. And the gym membership. And probably the protein shakes.

Ok, fine, Kaz was only interested in the PDA. This was so fucking awful.

“What number were we playing to?” he heard himself ask. He wasn’t even paying attention to card counting. He was going to have to start again.

“Can’t count that high, Brekker?” Matthias asked, smirking, and there was always something Kaz took as halfway serious in the way he tried to joke.

“Die in a fire, Helvar,” he said, with a smile that was as good as a middle finger.

“And on that note!” Nina sung out, standing with a hand on Matthias’ shoulder. “It’s almost midnight. I have an eight a.m. class. We gotta call it a night.”

“Matthias drove us,” Inej explained to Kaz’s questioning look at the word “We.”

Inej and Nina were roommates, too, like Kaz and Jesper, but the two girls lived on campus in the dorms at Ketterdam University, where all but Matthias attended. (Fucking Matthias, who was a personal trainer and got money from wellness companies to tout their shit on his Instagram. Ugh.) Wylan, Jesper’s boyfriend, was also living in the dorms this year, after spending his freshmen year commuting from his dad’s enormous house. Wylan had been the one with the car before Kaz had finally scraped together the money for one, but his dad had cut him off over the summer. Kaz didn’t know much about that beyond what little Jesper had told him, which, in summary, was: goodbye, car; hello, dorm life.

“You should have said something – I could have picked you all up,” Kaz said, mostly to Inej, as the others were standing from the table.

Nina reached a tentative hand out to gently touch his shoulder, well-protected by the fabric of his black v-neck.

“Kaz,” she said, gingerly, “we love you, but Matthias has functioning air conditioning.”

Kaz slid his glance toward Inej, who gave a little confirming nod, pressing back her amused smile.

“My thighs don’t stick to the seats in his car,” she explained, softly, which may as well have been a knife to the gut. He loved driving her around in his car. And, to top it off, she was in a pair of really adorable denim cut offs, her legs deeply tan from the summer sun, and he hadn’t even had the nerve to try to touch her exposed knee all night. (Meanwhile, Hands-On Helvar over here had been sitting with his palm all over Nina’s plentiful thighs all night. God, he was so gross. Couldn’t Kaz be just a little bit gross?)

“Are you okay?” Inej was asking. She was stepping a little closer to him away from where everyone else was putting on shoes, preparing to leave. She had her arms wrapped around herself and her loose, purple crop-top, and her long, dark braid was pulled over her shoulder – just mercilessly cute all over. And he hadn’t touched her all night.

“I’m fine,” he replied, but he kept his hands in his jeans pockets. Inej’s dark brows knit together.

“You’d tell me if you weren’t?” she checked. Kaz huffed a laugh – how was he supposed to answer that? Realistically, he should lie.

“Probably not,” he admitted anyway, and gave a shrug. Inej opened her mouth to reply, but Nina called to her from the doorway of the apartment.

“Sorry! Eight a.m. class! She’s going to text you from the car anyway!” Nina was shouting.

“She’s not wrong,” Inej shrugged with a smile. And reached out to barely brush her hand against his spine, like the first attempt at a hug. But Kaz could only bunch up his shoulders, hands stuffed deeper into his pockets. Why was he like this?

There were a few more awkward goodbyes at the doorway, including Matthias’ one-more last-minute sales pitch on the recent CBD-infused green powder drink he was hawking online. (“I’ll bring you some samples next week. They say it’s excellent for chronic pain.” Kaz had flipped him off when his back was turned.)

But then, once they’d all gone and the apartment was quiet, Kaz felt like he was rolling in regret.

“You doing ok?” Jesper asked him, gathering up the empty Solo cups for the trash. Jesper was a really good roommate. They’d been randomly assigned the same dorm room at the beginning of freshmen year, and it just worked. Jesper’s high energy plus Kaz’s insomnia were meant to be. They liked all the same things: strong coffee, getting paid dirty money to write other people’s papers for them, and occasionally clearing the mind by playing Call of Duty all night. They’d moved off campus the following year (a better move for the plagiarism operation), never even really having a conversation about whether or not to room with someone else. It was not even a question, and who else would Kaz even want to room with?

“You’ve seemed off all night,” Jesper was pointing out, and if Kaz had half a brain, he knew he should have been asking Jesper for advice about PDA long before it had reached envying-Matthias-Helvar-levels. Jesper and Wylan were normal in public. When they held hands or hugged or traded kisses, it wasn’t some fucking scene.

But how was he even supposed to bring this up to Jesper?

“Helvar’s such a dillweed,” was all he could find to complain. Jesper snorted.

“He is not that bad,” he said, dumping a stack of Solo cups into the trash.

“He’s the literal worst,” Kaz objected. “I can’t believe he unironically called himself an influencer.” And at that, Jesper pretended to barf into the trashcan.

“Yeah, no, you’re right – that was dumb,” he said. “I commend you for not cutting off your own ears when he did.”

“We are not buying his stupid fucking green juice,” Kaz said, pointing at Jesper to show he meant business.

“Good!” Jesper agreed. “Nina says it gives him the shits.”

And that brought Kaz some comfort. He found he could smirk about it while he loaded up the dishwasher. He was starting it up when his phone buzzed on the counter. He leaned over to read it.

Inej: You seemed sad tonight.

Inej’s contact photo in his phone was one he’d snapped when she wasn’t looking – she was leaning her head back with her eyes closed, taking in the sunshine. It had made her brown skin glimmer and dazzle.

Kaz stared at her text for probably too long. Long enough for Jesper to peer around the corner of the kitchen doorway at him.

“I’m going to bed – everything okay?” he said, and cocked his head. “Is it another last minute job?” Those kinds of jobs – the ones where a student was giving up the night before something massive was due – paid the most, but for good reason. They were absolutely fucking miserable to pull off.

“No,” Kaz shook his head. “Just Inej.”

It was never “just Inej” – and Jesper nodded like he knew that.

“Hey, Kaz,” he said, as he began to leave for his bedroom. Kaz looked up at him sidelong as he mouthed, barely audible: “Tell her what’s wrong.”

“Thank you, Dr. Phil.” Kaz rolled his eyes. And heaved a heavy sigh.

And started typing.

Kaz: I guess I was a little.

Whoa, pressing send on that was unpleasant. He wandered over to his preferred recliner in the living room and flopped back in it. Shoved the footrest up to elevate his bad leg. Ugh. Just ugh to everything and everyone. He looked down at his phone again.

And Inej had been quick to respond.

Inej: You can tell me these things, you know.

Inej: I know I won’t always have the right thing to say, but I want to be there for you.

Inej. Why are you being so perfect so far away?

Why are you wasting your time with a boyfriend who struggles to touch you?

Inej: Are you writing a novel?

He’d been writing and rewriting the same sentence twenty different times. She’d probably been looking at those ominous three bobbing dots for way too long.

Ugh. God. Fine. Kaz drew in a long deep breath, staring up at the ceiling like it could intervene and come to his aid. And then fucking wrote.

Kaz: I wish things were different

Kaz: I wish I wasn’t so fucked

Kaz: I wish I knew how to be a better boyfriend – how to make you blush and laugh and make that one smile that’s like you’re telling secrets with your eyes

He pushed the recliner back as far as it would go. Maybe it would tip and dump him on his head and he’d have to go to the hospital, and that would at least delay Inej inevitably breaking up with him for being this pathetic wet blanket. The phone buzzed again, and he almost didn’t want to look.

Inej: Um, where were you all night? You literally had me doing all those things all night

Huh. That wasn’t how he remembered it.

Kaz: On the opposite side of the table from you

Kaz: Watching basically everyone else be able to touch you but me

Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck. That sounded so petulant, and he’d already pressed send. That sounded so needy and disgusting. Who said that kind of shit? Not even Matthias Helvar said that kind of shit. He wanted to throw his phone across the room. No, out the window. No, out into the sea.

Now he was on the receiving end of the three bobbing dots of doom. Fuuuuck.

Kaz: Can we just forget I said that?

More dots. Then nothing.

Then dots.

Inej: I don’t know. You’re kind of cute when you’re jealous.

At that, Kaz raised his eyebrows.

Kaz: I am not jealous.

Inej: You’re a little jealous

Kaz: No, I feel insufficient.

(Oooof. That was like trying to throw an anvil. Painful.)

Inej: Oh

Kaz was watching the texts come in from beneath his arm now, holding the phone high over his head. Like watching the slasher scenes in a horror movie.

Inej: I mean

Inej: It seems like you’re just splitting hairs here

Inej: Since you must think others are sufficient in ways you are not, so you envy them

…

Kaz: Touche, Ghafa.

And he couldn’t help smiling to himself when Inej sent him a gif of a swashbuckling cartoon Robin Hood brandishing a sword. Then another text bubble appeared.

Inej: You are not insufficient to me, Kaz.

He really wanted to believe that.

Kaz: Even if I’m not hanging all over you and amassing a truly staggering number of Instagram followers with my six-pack abs?

Inej: O.M.G.

Inej: Kaz

Inej: Brekker

Oh, God, what had he done?

Inej: Are you *jealous* of Matthias?

Uggghh, he was going to be sick.

Kaz: Fuck no

Kaz: It was just a hypothetical

Kaz: It was an exaggeration

Kaz: I could do the same thing with any one of our friends

Kaz: And we all know the abs are photoshopped anyway

Inej: OMG

Kaz: What now

Inej: You called Matthias our friend

Kaz wanted to stab himself in the brain.

Inej: I’m gonna tell him

Kaz: Don’t you fucking dare

Inej: I already did

Kaz: What? How? How are you that fast?

Inej: Still in the car

Kaz: ????

There was no reason for that – the dorms were hardly a 10-minute drive. Now Kaz’s brain was assaulting him with a thousand reasons things his girlfriend could still be doing in a car (A nice car! With working air conditioning!) with a personal trainer/amateur Instagram model, and none of them were pleasant or welcome thoughts. The phone buzzed again.

Inej: I asked him to bring me back to you. :)

At that, Kaz straightened the recliner, rising to his feet as fast as his stiff leg would allow.

Kaz: You did? And he did? Why?

He was limping toward the front door.

Inej: Because he’s not terrible, Kaz. And because I guess I missed your car after all ;)

Jesper and Kaz’s apartment was the third floor of a wonky old Victorian home that had once been something grand and only recently had been split into three different abodes – which was definitely the worst decision the two of them had made as roommates. Kaz was leaning hard against the railing as he took to the steps when the front door of the building banged shut below. And then there on the landing below was Inej, wearing a sheepish smile in the yellow, buzzing fluorescence of the hall light. She was holding her phone in one hand, her tan leather purse slung across her slim body.

“I thought you looked like you could use a hug,” she said, as she pocketed her phone.

Kaz took the last two stairs carefully, coming to stand in front of her. She smelled like vanilla and coconut oil – like something he wanted to wake up to every morning.

“You came all the way back for a hug,” he wanted to clarify. His hands – he should do something with his hands. What would Matthias do with his hands?

No. What do I want to do with my hands?

So, he looped a couple fingers through her belt loops. Tugged her a little closer. And she smiled.

“Technically,” she said, “Matthias came all the way back so I could bring you some samples.” She patted her purse, which did look a little bulkier. “They were in his car the whole time.”

“Mmmm.” He pretended to look tantalized. “Hot car samples. Delicious.”

Inej was twisting her fingers in the t-shirt fabric at the crest of his hips. Tugging him a little closer, too. God, it was so good. She’d been so right. He had wanted a hug.

“I know that’s how I want my protein powder,” she teased. “Piping hot, right out of the oven.”

“Just how Ma used to make it,” Kaz added, with a good bit of feigned nostalgia. Inej blurted out a laugh, tipping forward until her forehead bumped his sternum.

At that first brush, it was like his hands knew what to do from there. They slipped around her waist while her hands slid around his. And she pressed her cheek against his chest while he held her close.

“You are not insufficient,” Inej said against him.

“I would really like to pretend that never happened,” he said with a sigh, resting his chin on top of her head.

“Too late,” she hummed, happily, and gave him a light squeeze. He smiled against her hair.

“You know I wouldn’t want you to be like Matthias, right?” she asked.

“You shouldn’t even want Matthias to be like Matthias,” Kaz grumbled.

“Hey,” and Inej pulled back to look up at him with her big, soft brown eyes. “I mean it. I just want you to be you. I don’t want all the handsy stuff. That’s what Nina likes. I just like you.”

Kaz carefully pushed back a few strands of her hair from her forehead.

“Not even a little handsy stuff?” he checked, which made Inej give her coy little smirk, his very favorite.

“Maybe a little handsy stuff,” she said.

If there were ever going to be a time to kiss her, it would be now. But when he thought it, Kaz felt his heart make an enormous leap into his throat, seizing in panic. If he touched her mouth with his, if he closed his eyes and felt her face so close to his, would he just end up floundering in The Very Sad Thing again? What if it happened while he was kissing her? Would every kiss after that be tainted? Could he risk it – could he ever?

So, he didn’t move to meet her lips. He let his hands fall to the small of her back, though, and kept her close for another moment. Like a sample of physical affection, and she seemed okay with that. He would will himself to believe it was not insufficient.

“Drive me home?” she asked after a moment, with a kind of sweet, eager anticipation that made Kaz believe in magic. He nodded, of course.

“I’ll go up and get my keys,” he said. “And you throw away those samples.”

Inej laughed, following him up.

“Deal,” she said.

-----------------------------------

Tagging: @annejulianneh111, @loveyatopluto, @ireallyshouldsleeprn, @whosanxiety, @raging-bisexual-alert,

Guidance - Zuko x Reader Chapter 2

Fandom: Avatar: the Last Airbender  Word Count: 5,5 My Masterlist Warnings/disclaim: general Characters are aged up Refer to first chapter for information on timeline ___ is a blank for your name/oc/whatever you prefer Written in 3rd person Line/header is to separate paragraphs to indicate time skips, as Tumblr hates my formatting. Story under cut, 2 of 8: Guidance Masterlist

         Rustling sounds again woke Zuko, as he cracked his eyes open, he could see ___ up and ready for the day, carrying in the large pots of salt inside the tent. He sat up and eyed her a bit, she looked fine, but he was still concerned about her from last night.            “Morning, I just have one more basin then we can try to camouflage the tent and head out. I’ve already got the ostrich-horse packed up too.”            “Okay,” he stood up and stared at her for a bit.            “What’s wrong?”            “What happened last night?”            “Walking in town takes a couple of hours, which should be shortened with riding. But I’ll tell you everything on the way there, okay?”   Zuko mumbled an okay out before helping with everything to get them on to the road.  

         Riding silently, ___ sat in front of Zuko as they rode towards town. The ostrich-horse was going slower due to all the weight and packing he had on him.            “So?” Zuko asked as the silence went on too long for his liking when he wanted answers.            “Well, um, I’m not sure where to begin,” she hummed while thinking. “Oh, I guess how I learned everything would be a good start.”            “So, the beginning, which is usually a good place to start any story,” Zuko grumbled.            “Oh shush,” she pushed him a bit jokingly away with a laugh before clearing her throat a bit. “After leaving home, as the angry young teenager I was, I was struggling badly just within a few days. On land seemed even harder. But I was in the Earth Kingdom when an older couple saw I was near starvation and took me in. The old lady taught me cooking, some edible plants, and how to mend things. The man taught me some tracking and repair. I was with them for a month or so. They helped a lot of people who passed through, they’re great people, when I’m near them I usually go see them, check on them.            “While we were eating dinner one night, they had another traveler there. Who was looking for a lost library, in the desert. I was very interested so when the traveler left, I went with him. I don’t remember him much; we didn’t talk about anything other than the library. We stopped at an oasis, which wasn’t really an oasis anymore, and when he went inside to get a drink. I saw a fox, known for gathering things for the library. I followed it immediately.            “Somehow I kept up even in the sand. The fox went into a tower that stuck out of the sand. I climbed up and in, and when I landed. I was confronted by Wan Shi Tong, the spirit who runs the library. He told me I wasn’t welcome and that I needed to leave. Being the emotional child, I was after everything that happened. I broke down crying. Wan Shi Tong asked me what was wrong, I told him everything. I told him all that I wanted was to learn, I wanted to be like the old people who helped me. I wanted to know how to protect myself and live on my own.            “Wan Shi Tong explained to me that humans, in general, were not welcome, because they abused the knowledge in his library, but since he felt I was sincere, he let me stay. I think he either took pity or a liking to me, as he gave me food and water. I stayed there for almost a year. I ate, read, practiced some waterbending and chi blocking, and slept, that’s all I did for that year. Before I left, I started to learn more about the spirit world from texts and Wan Shi Tong, I had become very spiritual. Meditating became a part of my life at that point. Which I’m sure you’ve seen me do from time to time.”            ___ stopped talking and took a drink of water.            “So that’s why you know so much, you’ve very cultivated. But that doesn’t explain last night.”            “Okay, okay,” she grumbled. “I made my way out of the desert and into Earth Nation forest. Putting all my reading and knowledge into practice, living on my own. Some Fire Nation soldiers had found me, I used the opportunity to do chi blocking, thankfully I was good at it. I ran away after they were all down. While getting as much distance as I could between me and the soldiers. I slugged through a wide river which the full moon shined down on, I slipped in the water, cutting my hand as I caught myself. I went to heal the cut, but the water around me glowed.            “I was pulled under the water, but I could breathe, so I tried to not panic and closed my eyes. When I could no longer feel the water around me, I opened my eyes. It took me a while to figure it out, but I was in the spirit world. After reading and learning about the spirit world I was weary and quiet, scared to anger any spirit or run into malicious ones.            “Eventually, Avatar Roku found me. We talked for a long time. About the war, my future, and why I was there. With me finding passion in spirits and with the path my life was to follow, the spirit world accepted me. In short, I will be helping Avatar Aang, spiritually. Aang will face a deafening defeat, I am supposed to help him reconnect his chakras.”            “He also mentioned, I would be faced with a challenging choice, to forgive someone or not. But knowing myself and how I am. I will offer the second chance."          "But why?"            "Do you have things you regret? Do you wonder how different your life would be if someone gave you another try, to right your wrongs? I do, I regret leaving my home in anger. I wonder how I would be if they let me come home when I cried for forgiveness and apologized for my ways. That I was no longer angry and I missed my home, my people. But they didn't care, I was unwanted there. So, I don't belong anywhere, but if I follow my path. One day, maybe I will be able to be myself and still be loved. What more could you ask for but freedom to be who you are?"            "But you're not a bad person, you should be able to be yourself."          She scoffed, "the moment I show that I'm a strong fighter and independent. I show I can't be an obedient timid wife that most people think I should be."          "I think it's better that you can protect yourself. I think it's a good thing."            "Well, you'd be the first. Thank you." She turned a bit to give him a heartfelt smile, making him look away as he blushed. She giggled at it.            "What?" He spat.            "You're cute, Zuko."            "So are you, ___," now it was her turn to turn away with blush, making him chuckle.            After some thinking and silence, Zuko spoke up. "I don't know if I regret speaking out against my father's plan. It felt wrong to sacrifice so many men. I do wish my father would have given me another chance though, I guess him sending me after the Avatar was his way to do that. So I can regain my honor."          "I've said it once and I'll say it forever. You were a child, what your father did was wrong. You aren't a failure, you're better than him and nothing like him. He can’t strip you of your honor, it is what you hold and how you follow your life, your destiny."            Zuko grunted he didn't like it when she said that, it hurt, like his heart was being split in half. As if it was starting a war within him.            “Zuko,” she started in a soft tone, ”if your father loved you. Avatar or not, you would be home. You wouldn’t be wanted, dead or alive, you’d be wanted at least alive. Be your own person, I believe your destiny will be putting balance to the world your forefathers have destroyed.”            “I don’t want to talk about this, you don’t know me, my family! You can’t just say shit and think I’ll follow the words like a lost goatdog! I am my own person!”          “Then why are you here?” She turned to look at him, serious and hard. Zuko gulped a bit for her cold glare. “If you're your own person then why do you care so much about pleasing an abusive father? What false love and honor could restore you when you can't even be truthful to yourself? You don’t want my advice, don’t take it. But don’t snap at me either, boy.” She spat the word boy at him before jumping off the animal.            She stood tall and proud, even though small in stature, she reigned power around her. “I want an apology or you can give me stuff and git!”            Zuko looked down at the reins in his hands, even though he hadn’t stopped the ostrich-horse, it stopped from her words. He was shaking, he couldn’t tell if it was from anger or sadness. But he knew she was only trying to help, that’s all she’s done for him. Never asking for anything in return other than assistance with chores.            “Zuko!” He snapped his head towards the sound of his name, seeing her face go from stern to soft. ___ climbed up onto the animal and gently wiped away tears he didn’t even know were falling. “I know you’re lost; I know you’re confused. But do not talk down to me, okay?” Her voice was so gentle and warm, he didn’t know what to do.            Embracing her urgently and lying his head on her shoulder, she stiffened for a moment before pulling him closer and rubbing his back softly. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed into her shoulder.            “Oh, sweetie.” ___ pulled him back from her shoulder and wiped his tears away carefully. “I’m sorry I snapped. I guess I still need to work on my anger a bit. We both do. Let’s do it together, okay?” He nodded before pulling her back to him, he could barely make sense of how good it felt to hold her. He felt whole, safe, and tranquil.            “Can you stay here, in my arms for a bit?” His request was barely above a whisper.          She exhaled sharply, a small laugh, “only if we keep moving.” She adjusted herself to sit sideways then rested her head and body into his chest. He wrapped an arm around her before flicking the reins to send them back into motion.            “___?”            “Yes?”            “I want to help you in town.”            “That’s the plan, for you to help and learn.”            “Not just that, but with that guy, so he doesn’t bother you.”            “Oh, no, I don’t want any fighting okay?”            “What if I pretended to be your boyfriend? Would he leave you alone?”            “Um,” she flushed a bit before clearing her throat. “I guess. But it wouldn’t be just him, it’d have to be the whole town. It’s a small town, people talk, they’d be able to tell if we lied. It's exhausting to pretend and put on a façade all the time.”            “But don’t you do that already? Pretend to be timid and gentle.”            “Yes, that’s why I know it’s exhausting. I can show I'm a hard worker but I can’t show I’ve got my own mind and how hard-headed I am.”            “But you never pretend to be caring and nice.”            “I just try to do what feels natural while I bite my tongue.”            “I pretend to be a traveler with bad manners.”            “I don’t think you pretend too much on the bad manners.” She giggled, Zuko grumbled. “Thank you for the offer, but I couldn’t put you in that position. Also, I would be questioned all the time once you leave.”            Zuko was wordless and lost, his heart was pounding at the thought of leaving her. “Are you okay?” ___ asked with her head still on his chest. “Your heart is beating so fast.”            He rubbed the back of his neck, dropping the rein and clearing his throat into his fist a bit. “I’m fine. ___?”            “Hhm?” she hummed.            “I like you.”            “I like you too.”            “No, I mean, I really like you. I wanted to show I could be a good boyfriend, that’s why I offered to be a pretend boyfriend. To prove it to you.”            “Zuko,” she lifted her head and smiled at him gently. “You don’t need to prove it to me right away. Just show me over time.” ___ gently touched his cheek. “Will you be my boyfriend?” Zuko blushed light at her words, but nodded.           “Have you been with anyone else?” he wanted to know if she had past relations but didn't know how to phrase it otherwise.            “Yes, I've had one boyfriend before. It was 2 years ago. We hit a path in our relationship where we weren't communicating honesty and the base of our relationship that was on common ground dissipated. We were decent friends before and the relationship was mainly physical. It had nothing to do with destiny but who we were.”            “What’s our common ground?”            “We’ll find it, for now, we can be caring for each other.”            “Okay,” Zuko mumbled, ___ sat up a bit more to look at him more clearly. Golden eyes quickly caught hers. Moments ticked by as talons trudged the dirt path, their bodies moved closer together. ___ closed her eyes leaning closer to Zuko, he felt panic, fear, and jealousy. What was her ex like? Zuko was inexperienced, could he please her at all?            “Zuko?” She looked at him concerned. “Sweetie, what's wrong?” He looked away but didn't answer. “I'm not sure what's wrong, but if it was me, I'm sorry. We just became partners and I go and assume and rush things.” She settled against him and put her head on his shoulder. “I'll wait for you, do what feels natural to you, don't force anything.”            Zuko wanted to kick and burn himself. His insecurities made her feel like she did something wrong. He wanted to kiss her, but his fears held him back.  

         Silence was awkward for a bit but as they cuddled and rested against one another, it became comfortable.            “We’re here,” ___ sat up a bit pulling away from Zuko and stretching her arms. Zuko wrapped an arm around her waist when she was done and pulled her back to him. She smiled at him.            They reached a store where they could hitch the animal. Zuko jumped down and immediately offered to help ___ down into his arms. She glanced down at him, before looking over to another guy and smiled at Zuko. “Catch me, Lee!” she giggled and jumped into his arms. He chuckled and hugged her close before resting his forehead against hers.            “Hey ___, where have you been?” She pulled away from Zuko a bit.            “Oh, hey Kyo. I was just living off the land. But I’m here now to help and sell.”          “That’s good, I think my dad needs me to do a delivery but since my mom’s sick, he needs help with the store.” Kyo was talking level but kept glancing at Zuko.          “Oh no, I’ll look at her, see if I can heal her at all. If not, if your delivery doesn’t take too long, I or Lee can help your dad.”            “I’m guessing your Lee,” Kyo looked fully at Zuko now. “I’m Kyo.” He offered a hand to shake hands, when Zuko went to shake hands, Kyo tried to crush his hand, thankfully Zuko was strong enough for it to not work.            “Yup, Lee here.” ___ snorted slightly at his awkwardness.            “How’d you meet ___?”            “Wandering through the forest, smelt food. She fed me and I’ve been with her since.”          “Oh, so your good friends?”            “No, I’m her boyfriend,” Zuko deadpanned and wrapped an arm around her tightly.            “Oh, she didn’t turn you down?”            “No, because I’m here to support her, as needed because she’s strong without me.”          Kyo just stared at Zuko for a moment, “how are prices on baskets today?” ___ chirped.          "___, for your baskets, always good,” a hearty laugh came from the store, Kyo’s father, Rin came out. “I need more watertight ones. You’re my best supplier for those!”            “Well you’re in luck, I have a surplus, I was teaching Lee so I ended up with tons. They’re all flatten, so check them and if there are any breaks, I’ll fix it!” She gestured to a pile on the back of the ostrich-horse.            “Perfect, welcome back!” Rin laughed and picked up the pile and went into the store, she followed after him so they could settle on prices.            “Lee, can you unpack Gray?”            “Gray?”            “The ostrich-horse,” she piped.            “You named him without my say?”            “You just called him animal, that’s not nice,” she giggled as she went into the store.            Zuko groaned before going to Gray and starting to unpack him so he could rest.          “You’re just going to let her boss you around? That’s not how a woman should be.” Kyo stated.            “She asked me, we’re partners, we help each other, that’s what lovers should do. I’d rather she could protect herself and maybe even help me in a fight, then be someone I’d have to worry about even more than normal. I worry about her, but, because I know she can protect herself, I don’t have to protect her and myself unless necessary.” Zuko ranted this out a bit, while unpacking, he could see what ___ meant by Kyo being a bother. He seemed to have a knack for being under one's skin.            “She’s a woman, she needs a man’s protection.”            “She needs someone who understands her and supports her. Woman or not, she’s her own person. She should be free to be herself!” Zuko shouted at him. “___ is my girlfriend; I ask you to leave your sexist ideas and respect her or leave her alone!”            “Lee!” ___ called out to him. “I told you no fighting,” she ran up and held his hands. “Zuko, calm down, your hands are so hot, don’t firebend here.” She whispered to him.            Kyo laughed, “she really does boss you around don’t she?”   ___ gave him an annoyed grunt, before turning on her heel and quickly jabbing Kyo, making him fall to the ground. “That’s enough out of you!”            “Kyo, I thought I taught you to pick your battles, not to pick on others, you’re in big trouble young man!” Rin yelled at Kyo while trying to pick him up. “Get your butt inside!”            “He can’t move.” She stated simply. “But if he apologizes to me and Lee, I’ll heal him.”            “Never, you got a cheap shot.”            “Fine, lie there and if you want, later I’ll do it again and again. Until you get it through your thick head, I don’t like you any more than a friend. That I’m not some weak woman, and I will not be pushed around and bite my tongue around you anymore.” She turned to pick up a basin and handed it to Rin. “Here are some cured meats.”            “Thank you for putting up with my son and still being nice to us.”            “I let it happen, I pretended to be someone I’m not. Lee and I had a talk about it on the way here, and it stuck to me. If I’m not accepted then I’ll just move on. But I want to be myself more often.”            “That's a good thing to follow.” Rin smiled at her, Zuko put his arm around her shoulders. “Well this will be his punishment; he can stay there until the chi flows again.”            “What?!” Kyo yelled.            “You lie there and think about your actions. If you shape up, I won’t tell your mom, otherwise, I will. If she gets wind of this, you’ll regret it,” Kyo groaned at his father’s words.            “How is Fay, Kyo did mention she’s sick?” ___ asked.            “She could be better; she has a fever that won’t break. Medicine isn’t working and I can’t take her into the city, it’s too far.”            “Let me finish my trading and sell, let the Long's know I’m here and will need their extra room and I’ll be back to check on her.”            “Thank you,” Rin gave her a relieved smile.            “We’ll be back soon,” ___ picked up her backpack and the goods she needed. “Can we leave Gray here? When we come back to check on Fay, we’ll ride him to the Long's.”            “Yes, of course.”            ___ thanked Rin and headed into town selling and trading for supplies. Zuko stayed close by, listening, and learning. Even though he planned to stay with her, it wouldn’t hurt to learn so he could help in the future.            Entering the last shop of the row of stores an elderly woman lit up at the sight of the young women.            “___, my dear!”            “Himari, you ready to trade and buy?” The old woman embraced ___ tightly before smiling and nodding in response.            “Oh, who is this?”            “This is my boyfriend, Lee,” ___ grabbed his hand gently and he intertwined their fingers.            “How wonderful,” she beamed at the young couple. “Okay, enough pleasantries, show me what you got!”            The women talked and bartered for about an hour or so over multiple beautiful items. “Alright, you win, but I want two pearls!” ___ huffed in defeat over their bargaining.            “I have oysters outback, unopened. You can have 5, if you get them yourself.”          ___ thanked Himari before heading outside to get her oysters.            “Lee was it?” Himari asked Zuko once ___ was gone. He nodded gently. “Good, now come here,” she gestured to the stool ___ had been in. Zuko raised his eyebrow in question before doing so.            “___ loves flowers, but her favorite,” she paused while pulling out a box. “Are sunflowers.” Opening the box allowed Zuko to see a beautiful pendant, shaped and colored as a sunflower, but a crescent moon covered some petals. “This was very expensive, I've tried selling it to ___, she loves it but can't justify spending the money on it. She's water tribe and a pendant like this would make a beautiful betrothal necklace.” Zuko eyed it. He'd seen one before, the one he used to track the Avatar through Katara’s necklace.            “I don't have any money, ___ found me at my worst,” he looked away.            “Answer me this. If you did have the means to get this necklace to one day propose to ___, would you?”            “I’m not sure,” he furrowed his brow. “We haven't been together long, but I don't plan on leaving her at all. If she were to keep me, I might ask her to marry me one day…” he trailed off.          “I have a lot of work I need to be done around here, hard labor, easy for a young and strong firebender.”            “I’m not-"            “You can’t lie and trick me boy, I’m too old for my own good. If you want this pendant, show up tomorrow to help me and the rest of the days you’re here with ___.”          He gave her a nod as ___ walked in. “Himari, what are you plotting?” ___ asked, seeing the two sitting closer together than she left them.            “I’m a frail old woman, I was recruiting your boyfriend for some help,” she smiled softly at the young couple.            “Okay, but don't work him too hard, he has to help me with somethings around town.”          “You can have him back by noon each day. So you two can eat together then work together.”            ___ agreed and bid Himari a farewell. Zuko followed suit with a bow and followed his girlfriend outside. They walked hand in hand, Zuko wore her backpack, since she had it all afternoon. Their walk wasn’t too long until the sounds of animals could be heard.            “The Long’s, Yuto and Akari, own a farm, tons of animals, super fresh produce. But the oldest son moved out, so they need help from time to time. We’ll get to stay here for free, as long as we help with chores before dinner. The youngest son plans to stay and take over the farm, but he’s only 14, not strong enough for everything to be done in one day.”            “So, the three of them run the farm by themselves?”            “Yeah, it’s getting harder on Yuto though as he gets older. When I’m here, it gives him a bit of a break, or a chance to do repairs he didn’t have time for before.”            “That’s why it’s free because you give them room to breathe after the son left.”          “A farm can be run by two people as long as they are in good health and know what they’re doing. But as I said, Yuto is older and his health has been in decline for about 6 months.”            “What will happen if he can’t keep up?”            “Either Reo gets better or they’ll have to sell off some animals so it’s not too overbearing. They have the biggest farm I’ve seen.”            Zuko hummed in response as they saw a well-built teenager run up with a big smile on his face. “___! We’ve missed you!” Reo hugged her and Zuko tightly.            “You finally hit puberty!” ___ laughed.            “Yeah! Now I can do most of the work on my own, I just need to get faster.”          “That’s great to hear!”            “Come on, my folks will be super happy to see you and your boyfriend!”            ___ laughed softly and followed the happy Reo into the home. Once inside she and Zuko were warmly welcomed and somehow talked for hours with the older couple. Mainly about chores on the farm and how happy they were to meet Zuko, or Lee.          “It’s so nice to be back, but I need to go check on Fay and to bring back our ostrich-horse.”            “Oh, take some soup with you for Fay, drop off your bag in the room before you go too!” Akari said before heading to the kitchen.

         Up in the room Zuko set down her backpack and looked around the room. It was small, a dresser, and a decent size bed. He turned around to see ___ taking out a sleeping bag.            “Does it get cold in here?”            “No, the blankets on the bed are pretty warm.”            “Then why the sleeping bag?”            “For me, it's probably been a while since you've had the opportunity to sleep in a bed. I thought you’d like some comfort.” She stated calmly.            “So, you plan to sleep on the ground?”            “The sleeping bag is pretty comfortable.”            Zuko stared at her confused for a moment until he remembered when they were about to kiss. She was letting him make the shots and decisions on the pace of their relationship. She didn't want to pressure or rush him. To do what feels natural.            It felt natural to hold her close, hug her. But he didn't know how his own body would react, lying down with her in the dark.            ___ was in front of him giving him the most understanding look he'd ever seen. “Zuko, we just started dating, there is no reason to do anything other than enjoy each other's company. Don't overthink, just do, okay? I'm going to Fay; would you like to come with or relax?”            The moment the word relax came out of her mouth, he could feel how tired he was.            “I think I'd like to lie down.”            “I won't be long.” She gently squeezed his hand before leaving the room. He could hear her thanking Akari for the soup then her departure.  

       He turned to the bed about to lie down, before stopping and looking over his shoulder at the sleeping bag on the other side of the room. He at least wanted her closer if not in his arms. He moved the bag closer to the bed and put one of the pillows from the bed at the top of the sleeping bag. He eyed it a bit longer before lying down in the bed, soon he could feel himself drift into the comfort of sleep.  

         Zuko jolted out of bed in a cold sweat, gasping, he couldn’t remember the nightmare but it still made him tremble.            “Zuko?” ___ whispered while sitting up from her bag next to the bed. “Are you okay, sweetie?” She rubbed her eye gently before sitting on the edge of the bed. “You’re sweating so much. Was it a nightmare?”  

“I don’t know, I don’t remember,” he whispered before pulling her into a hug, pushing her head into his chest.            “Your heart is so fast, whatever it was, it scared you bad,” she murmured before yawning.            “I’m sorry I woke you.”            “It’s not your fault. Let’s just go back to sleep, if you can.” She tried to pull away from him, but he secured her to him.            “Don’t leave me,” he begged tenderly.            “I won’t,” she pulled away slowly before adjusting herself fully on the bed and resting her head just under his clavicle, Zuko wrapped an arm around her. He lied back softly, keeping her with him.            “When I hold you, it’s like nothing can go wrong. But I’m worried, I’ll disappoint you. I’m not experienced in anything that’s not fighting. I barely know who I am anymore, how can I be any good for you at all?”            “Can you hold and eventually love me?”            “I think so.”            “Then that’s all I ask of you. As you said, you barely know who you are. I want to support you along that journey. You’re my beautiful prince, now and always. I’m here for you, through the thick and the thin.” Zuko was blushing at her words and cleared his throat a bit. “Zuko, I’ll wait for you and you don’t need to respond, just listen. I love you; I know I haven't known you long, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fall from you the moment you gagged while gutting a fish but continued without any word of complaint. I just wanted you to know, even though you’re going through a lot, you are loved.”            Zuko could feel his heart pounding at her words, his eyes watered threatening to fall. He didn’t realize how starved he was for this affection, for those 3 simple words. Words he hasn’t heard since his mother disappeared. He adjusted their bodies to their sides, face to face. For some reason he was shocked to see so much of her blush, it was endearing. She only showed small amounts of blush here and there, but now, he could feel the heat coming off of her.            Zuko took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind before speaking, as he opened his mouth, ___ timidly pressed her fingertips against his lips. “I told you, you don’t need to respond. I just wanted you to know,”            Zuko gave her an annoyed grunt before removing her hand and quickly pressing his lips against hers. The intensity that stung his body could be mistaken for fire, but the passion and love he felt easily chased the fire. And he wanted more. Gripping their bodies together he let go of all the fears he had bottled. ___ kissed him back fervently, even though she was trying to hold back, he compressed them together, and started to turn his head, their first kiss turned into many.            ___ tried to push back, wanting to stop before she became too heated. But Zuko rolled on top of her slightly, the pressure made her moan and the sound revoked him. The guttural noise that escaped his throat, shocked even him. But even more jarring was her reaction, she pressed up against him making him gasp as she rubbed against his lower half. She used the advantage to claim his mouth with her tongue, making him moan. He tried to fight for dominance, but the way she made him feel, just felt too good.            Finally, she pulled away and pressed her forehead against his. The heat they created was almost smothering as they both panted softly.            “I love you too, ___.”            ___ pulled back with shock and tears in her eyes, to stare at him.            “What?” He asked, a bit hurt and annoyed. She kissed him perfervidly, but the softness behind it almost melted his heart. She pulled away what seemed all too soon for him.            “I just haven’t heard those words in a long time. I didn’t realize how much I wanted to hear them. My parents were the last people to say that to me, but this is a different love and it feels so stupendous.” She smiled at him, his smile the heartfelt one she always saved for him. She closed her eyes and yawned, pushing Zuko back a bit before cuddling and curling into his chest. He held her, closed his eyes too. He felt both of their hearts beating, although out of sync, the same love blossomed in both.

if u ever wanna dump an essay about edward fairfax rochester to me...I’m here!

Ahh, you must know how dangerous such an invitation is to an enthusiast! It’s a rainy Sunday evening, I’ve poured myself a glass of wine, and I’m ready to do this. I think Charlotte Brontë is doing and exploring some really interesting things in the character of Rochester, which sometimes get flattened/left out in adaptations. To be fair to the adaptations: he’s still compelling as a Brooding Gothic Protagonist.™

Prolegomenon I: I haven’t read the scholarship on Jane Eyre since undergrad, and I haven’t read The Wide Sargasso Sea since graduate school. I make no claims to particular originality here. And of course, literature can and does hold multiple meanings, etc. etc.; this is my take on Edward Fairfax “Self-Delusion” Rochester. The subfields of Jane Eyre criticism I’m most familiar with/informed by are “Jane Eyre + feminist theory” and “Jane Eyre + ‘early 19th-century debates within Anglicanism, pretty wild, right?’” This should surprise exactly no one who follows this blog.

Prolegomenon II: when I get caught up in my Rochester Feelings in conversation, there is inevitably a point where one of my English-major or -professor friends will shout me down and say “He kept a WIFE in the ATTIC” and I know. I know. It’s inexcusable and I’m not trying to excuse it, and everyone should read Jean Rhys. What I am really interested in doing, though, is exploring Rochester as three-dimensional character, not “man whose bad behavior gets hand-waved aside because reasons.”

First off: Rochester is a man of contradictions. He is a man who is generous to his retainers and his tenants. He is a man who shoulders even social responsibilities that are not strictly his, as we see in the education of Adèle (who might otherwise have died in an uncharitable charitable institution, or become a laundress, or become a courtesan.) True, we meet him as an extremely awkward and fumbling and sometimes resentful figure in loco parentis. But he is trying. I think this is perhaps the key thing about Rochester: what we see him doing for most of the novel, almost always badly, is trying to achieve better (more just, more humane, more equitable) results within a system (patriarchal, economic, colonial) that is rotten at its core. It is not everyone who has the moral fiber of a Jane Eyre, to say “this system is rotten at its core and it is better to starve on the moors or live forever unhappy than to be complicit in it.” The second thing we see Rochester doing, almost always badly, and this is where the contradiction comes in, is trying to avoid his own pain. I’ve intentionally said pain rather than guilt. I think that gets closer to the heart of the matter.

I’m going to get back to my essay in a minute, but an interjection of sorts, before I put the rest of it under a cut: I think it is vital to the novel that Rochester genuinely changes. Justification of this argument and More Emotions below.

For contemporary readers, the concept of repentance as a process may feel unfamiliar, trite, irreversibly sullied by hypocrites. But even if we take it out of Brontë’s extremely Anglican framework, I read Rochester’s profound, unconditional acceptance of his own sin (wrong, if you prefer) against Bertha and the losses which he sees as divine punishment for it as absolutely key to his having a chance at a future with Jane. The concept of divine retribution is surely stranger to us even than that of repentance, but having Thornfield, Rochester’s inheritance, sign and symbol and engine of his patriarchal wealth, built on colonial exploitation, literally go up in flames like the wicked cities of the Old Testament, is Not Exactly Subtle. And, of course, he loses his sight: “If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out.” His sight has been, in the most fundamental spiritual sense, diseased. He has been incapable of accurately seeing his own guilt (which is to say, seeing it in proportion to all other things, the other facts of Bertha’s madness, the duplicity of his family and that of the Masons, etc. etc.) So he loses his sight. And then he gains a much richer understanding of, well, everything. Gradually. Not all at once. I have Feelings about the psychological realism of those final chapters, but let me rewind, as it were. [N.B. I’m not arguing that Charlotte Brontë presents all this as a straightforward Divine Smiting. It matters that Bertha gets the freedom to bring all this crashing down (literally), and that she chooses her own end. But I do think that Rochester reads it as Smiting; I think we need to take that final assertion of his seriously. It’s entirely possible to read the Elm Tree Incident, and indeed that bizarre wedding morning, as Rochester waiting, waiting with pounding heart, for the bolt of lightning.]

I believe passionately in Rochester and Jane as a couple for a number of reasons (so many reasons, all the reasons), but perhaps chief among them is that they are both, bless them, raging romantics who have had very little outlet for their rich emotional life or for their unconventional, erudite, intelligent, exploratory spiritualities. OR (sorry, I forgot one) for their intellectual life, come to that! Rochester with his library full of science and his feelings about moths and Jane who becomes a teacher and genuinely loves nurturing young minds. *sobs* I love them so much. But Rochester is far too ready to manipulate others as he has been manipulated, and as others seek to manipulate him. His treatment of Blanche Ingram, for instance, I read as being several things, in shifting proportion 1) an effort to distract himself from Jane; he has few if any scruples about involving the unscrupulous and mercenary Miss Ingram in bigamy 2) an effort to distract the neighborhood and its gossip from Jane; why, after all, has he been at Thornfield so long without entertaining anyone?? very suspicious 3) an effort to find out what Jane’s feelings for him are. We see her ready to sting him into jealousy at the end too, a nice little bit of symmetry. Rochester is, yes, high-handed in the extreme. But I read the conversation under the elm tree not as a cynical test, but a genuine and painfully awkward attempt to figure out what Jane’s feelings for him really are. Yes, they’ve been having High Spiritual Communion and intellectual discussions and mutual teasing and borderline flirting for however many weeks it’s been. But also: he’s her employer. He’s at least 15 years older than she is (I forget the details on this. 15? 20? anyway, point stands.) He is not and never has been handsome, and he knows exactly how little his wealth counts for with Jane. He’s deeply weird and his house is weird and he comes with a French ward and a mysterious attic and a wife. But does she love him anyway? She does! *cries about it* 

Of course, none of this excuses the inexcusable. The proposal-to-wedding sequence shows us Rochester at his moral nadir, in relation to both Bertha and Jane. It also shows him on the knife edge of losing control over his integrity in other ways, now that he has violated this one. (Remember when Jane comes back to Thornfield and says “Reader, I had feared worse; I had feared he was mad”? Yeah, there’s a reason for that.) Anyway, allow me to present excerpts from Chapter 27, which lives in paraphrase in my head at all times:

[W]hile he spoke my very conscience and reason turned traitors against me, and charged me with crime in resisting him. They spoke almost as loud as Feeling: and that clamoured wildly. "Oh, comply!" it said. "Think of his misery; think of his danger—look at his state when left alone; remember his headlong nature; consider the recklessness following on despair—soothe him; save him; love him; tell him you love him and will be his. 

Whew! Anyway, she decides not to despite the fact that she and Rochester feel exactly the same way in this moment:

I am insane—quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.

*sobs harder* I think it is vitally important to point out that Jane is not cold or even, in this moment, convinced by her own arguments. She and Rochester are, moments after this, in each other’s arms, the language of fire and flame used for them both, and Rochester releases her first because he wants her influenced by nothing but her own will; not their shared passion, and certainly not his own force.

...Where was I before I got caught up with the unbearable sexual and emotional tension? Oh yes, Rochester after Jane leaves. He embraces an extremely thorough program of self-punishment. The most obvious course of action for him -- the one that Jane, the person who knows him best in all the world, assumes he has taken -- is to run away from his pain again, to leave England. He does not do that. He does the opposite of that. He refuses to so much as leave Thornfield itself except to roam the grounds at night. I love this book so much.  Then, after the fire, which happens only 2 months after Jane leaves, he goes to Ferndean. Now! The only thing we have learned about Ferndean previously is that Rochester refused to have Bertha live there because its bad climate would have (or at least might have) killed her. We learn from Jane-as-narrator that literally no one will rent it, again, because of its “ineligible and insalubrious site.” Rochester has, with heartbreaking obviousness, given up on life. He has, by his own account, been “doing nothing, expecting nothing,” in “ceaseless sorrow... [and] delirium of desire.”

 ...Edward Fairfax Rochester has never heard of chill. Also, as we learn, though he is worried about his disabilities because he is worried that Jane will mind, and because they make him a less eligible potential husband in his own estimation (*sniffle*), what he has been chiefly preoccupied with for the last year is worrying about where Jane is and if she’s all right. Again: the man has never heard of chill. But his impulses are generous. He is the heir to a rotten and a poisoned inheritance, and he begins by blaming this inheritance -- his external circumstances, both his privilege and the choices that he is pushed into by his father and brother -- for his own injuries and the ways in which he has injured others. But I (obviously) vigorously cling to the belief that he genuinely turns away from this, that he confronts his own sins and repents and accepts that he will not, cannot, be reunited with Jane in this life. But then he is. *cries about it* Moreover, in a key reorientation from his earlier avoidance-and-denial coping strategy, he accepts Jane’s services “without painful shame or damping humiliation.” He un-hermits himself! He and Jane travel to see friends and family! They receive visitors! These romantic-hearted science nerds proceed to be shockingly normal... for their own given value of that. I’m also convinced that they have the kinkiest sex in nineteenth-century English literature, and I support them. And part of their happiness is the happiness of others; it’s the opposite of Rochester’s globe-trotting, radically individualistic conduct in the first part of the novel. Of course it’s more than he deserves; he knows that, and he needs to know it. But it’s narratively elegant, and (I think) deeply satisfying. And I love it. And, obviously, him... again, more than he deserves.

The Sun and the Moon ☯

     “Tell me the story about how the sun loved the moon so  much, he died every night to let her breathe.” 

Emotional Tether Folklore: Two people, preferably benders, who are connected through spiritual interference. They are chosen at birth by two specific spirits. Throughout life, they both will experience feelings and visions from each other. This is a rare occurrence, it only happens every 100-200 years. Together, the two are powerful. Apart, imbalance will occur.

Summary: Y/N is the older sister of Sokka and Katara. Once their mother died, she step forward and watched over her siblings, even though she was only just ten. Years later, Y/N is travelling with her siblings, helping the avatar master all four elements. During this adolescence adventure, will she discover mysteries about herself she’d never imagined? All her life she has resented and ran from the Fire Nation. Now, could she possibly connected to the Prince of the Fire Nation himself? 

A/N: I’ve really gotten into ATLA in the past few weeks, so this happened. I really couldn’t just sit back and not write a Zuko fic. This will be multiple chapters, and will have semi-slow updates. A masterlist and helpful links for a smooth reading experience will be added. I am going to try to make it as accurate as possible. I hope everyone does enjoy, feedback is always accepted!

Warnings: violence, fighting, death, sad elements, cussing, blood, gore, adult themes (later on, will be warned on what chapter if it occurs) !!

Themes:  relationship developments, self love+hatred, acceptance, forgiveness, friendships, adventure !!

Soulmate AU?/Slow Burn/Connection (Unspoken)/Zuko x F!reader

Chapter One :  Beginnings  ☯

The Southern Water Tribe Village ☽

“My love, you should go to bed,” Gran-Gran whispered across the room. Sokka and Katara cuddled together in peaceful bliss, she did not want to wake them. Their father had left earlier in the morning, it had been an eventful day to say the least. With her father left, she couldn’t shake the fact that he would never return. In some ways, you could say, they were orphans. It only brought her thoughts to one sole person: Kya. It had been a few months since the deadly attack. She could still picture the beastly man looming over her mother. 

“Where is the water bender!” He forced once more. Y/N hid behind her mother in fear. They had been inside doing chores when the ships reached shore. Y/N shut her eyes pretending she was somewhere else, maybe penguin sledding with Sokka. Anywhere but here. He became more hostile, roughly moving closer towards the two.

“Where is the water bender.” They knew where the bender was, in fact she was in the same room, hiding for dear life behind her mother. The other, hopefully still alive, was outside with her brother. 

Y/N felt paralyzed. The big man pried even more, making some blows at Kya. Y/N could feel herself starting to bubble inside, her emotions were something to be reckoned with. She’d almost destroyed the entire village over a temper tantrum years prior. Though she was much older, her bending was not under control. It grew from emotion. Y/N noticed the ice around her cracking at every blow he made, Kya did too. 

He stood tall once more, shadowing over the two. Y/N thought death would be different, that she would die of old age. She hadn’t even lived to see the northern lights. 

“Mom!” Katara ran through the door only to be taken back by the large man in their home. The fire nation solider turned towards her, fury in his cold ember eyes. He seemed like he was getting impatient.

“Just let them go,” Kya finally said desperately, “and I will give you the information you want.” 

“Mom-” Y/N pleaded. She was in shock, would her mother really turn in her own daughters? Y/N wasn’t ready to go, but if it meant saving the tribe, she’d be willing to do it. 

“You heard your mother, get out of here!” the man hissed. Tearfully she ran over to Katara, holding on to her for dear life. Being her big sister, it was her unspoken responsibility to keep Katara safe. 

“Mom I’m scared,” the younger girl cried. Their mother looked at them, and smiled. 

“Go find your dad sweetie, I’ll handle this.” Kya spoke before facing the man once more. Y/N practically dragged Katara away from their childhood home, running as fast as they could to find their father. 

“DAD,” Y/N screamed. The ice she stood on cracked under her feet, yet she couldn’t care. The imagine of her mother’s fearful look swarmed her mind, it made her feel sick.

“Mom is in trouble there is a man in our house,” Katara shouted. Y/N held her hand tightly, making sure she didn’t loose her grip. They were the last water benders in the tribe. The two were vulnerable and easy targets, but she would never let Katara know that.  

“Kya!” their father cried out as he followed them back to their home. Sokka followed close behind. 

Her mother’s dead body laid on the floor. 

She didn’t want to remember the rest. Her father left to fight for their tribe after the devastating invasion. He seemed more, cold. Y/N couldn’t help but notice just how much Kya’s death changed him. Maybe his coldness was directed towards herself. She couldn’t bring herself to ponder that thought.

“Dad isn’t coming back,” Y/N remarked. Gran-Gran paused, calculating just the right thing to say. Sokka rustled in his sleep slightly, before settling once again. 

“I can’t shake the fact that he’s going to end up just like mom. Besides I am the reason mom is dead. No wonder Dad left, he can’t even look at me.” Gran-Gran shushed Y/N quickly. Sokka and Katara did not know the reason Kya died, and Gran-Gran wanted to keep it that way. It was Hakoda’s wish.

“Come child,” she waved the young water bender out into the crisp midnight air. Y/N followed the elder eagerly. The moon, full and bright, lit the entire village. The stars shined brightly, she thought of her mother. Kya always told her the magic of the night sky, how the moon and stars worked together so gracefully. Gran-Gran stood at the edge of the water, patiently waiting for the young girl to join her side. 

“When you were born, your mother suspected you would be a bender. That was a dangerous thing to be,” she paused with a long sigh. “However, the moon spoke to your mother the night you were born. The moon was the brightest it had ever been that night, the whole village awoke from its light. The moon shinned for you, and Kya knew that.” 

Y/N smiled to herself. She’d never known this much about herself before. It still didn’t make her feel better, why was Gran-Gran telling her this anyway? It didn’t change anything, her mother was still gone and her father still hated her. 

“But,” Gran-Gran continued abruptly. “The sun rose early that morning, bright as ever. It was as if the balance had returned for a day. We thought maybe you were the avatar.” They both sat in silence pondering her last statement.

The avatar? What a joke. Y/N had begun to believe such a thing never even existed in the first place. 

“I’m sorry I’m not,” Y/N muttered keeping her eyes fixated on the moon.

“No child, that is not your destiny. Your mother knew that you would be apart of restoring balance to the world, but just not in the way. The moon spoke to her. The great spirit told her to protect you from all harm.” Y/N’s eyes filled with tears, but she did not dare let them fall. Her mother was protecting her, she knew that the day she met her end. But to protect her over some prophecy a moon spirit said? It made her blood boil. 

“Of course, you won’t be alone in this.” Gran-Gran smiled to herself, leaving Y/N only to formulate more questions.

“Why would the moon find any sort of balance in me? Why would the sun react with the moon? How will I ever find another person to help me? This is so stupid, how do I know If you’re even telling the truth?  Gran-Gran this is ridiculous. No moon spirit cares about me! If they did they wouldn’t let her die or let dad go!” 

The eldest villager didn’t answered. She knew it was impossible to know. It was the truth, but it would take Y/N years to accept that. 

“Do not dwell on the unknown, it will be revealed when the universe allows it. What you do with this information is your choice,” Gran-Gran slowly confirmed before making her way back to her respected residence. 

“Ugh,” Y/N belted. She waved her hand towards the water before her in frustration. The water reacted with her swift movement, sending a wave towards the horizon. The sadness and confusion hit her, almost like a punch to the chest. 

She chose to never speak of the information Kanna gave her. It still plagued her mind every so often, but she ignored every aspect of it. In her eyes, she was a normal southern water tribe citizen.

But in the back of her mind she knew, that was far from true.

That night at the Fire Nation Palace ☽

Ursa had done what she had to. It was for him, her son, Zuko. She had protected him his whole life, just as she was instructed to. The sun spirit made that clear to her on the day of his birth. This incident was no different, just more drastic changes would have to be made.

She quickly made her way through the palace halls, her frail body still humming with adrenaline. Killing the fire lord, what was she thinking? Leaving now would only make it clear just who did it. Was being on the run from the crupt fire nation worth saving Zuko? A million times yes. Stopping to catch her breath, her attention caught by the bright orb in the night sky. It always gave her peace of mind, the moon. 

Azulon had instructed Ozai, her husband, to kill her first born. If only Ozai hadn’t spoken in such a heartless arrogant way, this wouldn’t have happened. To kill his child? It was horrible. He would do it though, if it meant keeping his honor. Ursa questioned why Ozai was so empty and power hungry. It was an answer she’d never know.

Some servants scurried pass her, bowing in the process. Did they know? They would soon, everyone would. She had to make herself scarce before then. The paranoia was sinking in ever so quickly. It was the only way to save herself, leaving. But, Ursa couldn’t help her mind race to Zuko. 

Zuko. 

The room he occupied was dark. There the young prince laid sprawled out on the crimson-colored king sized bed. Snoring slightly, he peacefully slept. The moon light coming from the window lit his raven colored hair perfectly. It felt wrong to wake him, he looked so content. But, it had to be done. For all she knew, it could be the last time she would ever lay eyes on her son. It was a little past midnight, in the morning the whole world would know. 

She sat on the corner of the bed next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Zuko had never been a heavy sleeper, especially with Azula as a sister. Her unless torment made him keen and aware of his surroundings, a good habit. 

“Mom,” he muttered groggily. Why was she here? His mind was still fuzzy.

“Zuko,” Ursa urgently spoke. Ursa quickly grabbed him by his sides, lifting her son up to face her. He blinked a few times, trying to focus with his tired eyes. 

“Please, my love, listen to me,” this made him try to focus more. Her voice was hoarse almost like she had been crying.  

“Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect you,” with this statement she pulled him into a hug. The last hug. She squeezed tighter than normal, he did not question it. 

She finally pulled away after what seemed like minutes. He was such a beautiful boy, how could she leave him? Would he parish without her? Would he be taken advantage of? Only the spirits could know. Footsteps could be heard in the hall outside his chamber. 

“Remember this Zuko,” she started facing him once more. Her voice was more stern this time, like she wanted to send a message. 

“No matter how things seem to change, never forget who you are,” her voice said in a whisper tone. Ursa hoped he’d listen, and take those words to heart. It was all she could do for him. From now on, Zuko would be on his own.

The prince watched her in tired confused as she turned towards the door. He wanted to say something, question why she had come, but he couldn’t. The tiredness was overwhelming, taking over before he could object. She sadly looked back once more, before pulling her cloak over her head. 

Hastily she ventured back trough the halls, leaving swiftly without a trace. By the time the fire nation caught word of their deceased leader, she was long gone. Just a memory. Ursa’s life she once knew was far behind her.

She looked up to the two spirits in the sky. The setting moon and the rising sun. Their harmonious relationship was on display in the sky. How wonderful the colors of the night collided with the morning sun, she thought to herself. 

“Watch after him,” the woman pleaded to the two spirits that occupied the sky.

“He will make you proud.” 

some distant tommy ghoulatta backstory :)

[HLVRAI Danny Phantom AU]

warnings: death mention

words: 2299

AO3 link

===

Feb 1965, Wagon Mound, NM

G-Man looked at the dry, historic town around him as he pulled his truck into the parking lot of a church. He was staying in a cheap hotel a few towns away, where he had first seen all that supernatural stuff as a kid. He had come back to ask around for local stories and try to get some semblance of research done himself, and he was lucky enough to hear about a guy in this town who was supposedly obsessed with ghosts. After getting his address and name — Benjamin Fischer — from a local at a diner who was intrigued by G-Man's search, he set off immediately.

Fischer's house was close to the church, so G-Man got out there and walked the rest of the way. It was uncomfortably hot with his jacket on so close to the desert, but he knew how quickly that could change.

The house was small and modern, with an unkempt yard and a cross visible in the blinded window. After G-Man knocked on the door, he investigated the porch. Despite the lack of attention to appearance everywhere else, lush bushes were kept in pots by the door. They bloomed with deep, pinkish-red rose-like flowers despite the time of year.

A man, presumably Benjamin Fischer himself, opened the door.

"Hello. I've heard you've been doing some research on spirits and the supernatural?" G-Man said, quelling the slight intimidation he felt with the confidence of a man on a mission.

Fischer raised his eyebrow. "Who are you, exactly?"

Aw, crap. He was so excited he forgot to introduce himself. "Sorry. You can call me G-Man. I'm looking to do some research myself, and I need a better jumping off point."

Fischer looked amused, but didn't stop frowning. "Do you have a real name?"

"I've been going solely by G-Man these last few years."

The older man smiled wryly. "Well, boy, I try to keep my research to myself. I can give you some advice, but that's about all."

G-Man's brow furrowed, and he forced his face back into a more neutral expression. "Advice would be wonderful," (though he doubted it was anything he hadn't heard before), "but why don't you share your research? The more people know about what's out there, the more we can be equipped for it."

Fischer looked to the side and scowled. "There are people here who think I'm crazy, or better yet, some kind of Satan worshipper. I'm sure they'd like to see what I've found and make all sorts of trouble for everyone in town trying to 'disprove' it. Hell, there are people who'd take what I've done, use it against me, and then take it for their own."

"Ah... could I help you with your research then? I have no intention of letting anything found by either of us into the wrong hands."

"Sorry, kid, not looking for an assistant at the moment. You'll have to look somewhere else. And that advice, before you go — ghosts are more than just the impressions of people who used to live. Trust your instincts, they're closer to spirits than your brain."

G-Man frowned and thanked the man before reluctantly walking back toward the church. He could probably spend the night searching for anything supernatural in this town, but he'd have to go back by morning. Maybe he'd come by some other time and pester Fischer again.

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June 1967, Wagon Mound, NM

In two more years of searching on his own, G-Man had learned some more about the supernatural, but not as much as he'd wanted. He'd gathered from books that all spirits had a central energy made out of pure passion that held them together, that they had physical forms but they didn't align quite right with the living world, that they were connected to some spirit world — all understandably but frustratingly spiritual and speculative. The only thing that seemed to be consistent was that a European flower called blood blossom, the flower that was blooming outside Benjamin Fischer's house, distressed spirits enough to ward them off.

He was in New Mexico again to visit his old spots, trying to see if he could find a ghost fresh enough to talk to him somewhat coherently. A waitress at a diner in Wagon Mound had recognized him and told him that Fischer had died a few months ago and it may not be best to try to visit his house.

Of course, that's just what G-Man did.

Clearly, Fischer had lived alone, and the house looked untouched. The yard was colder than the rest of the town, though it was night, and from the way the hairs on the back of his neck spiked, G-Man was sure it was due to a paranormal presence. Either an effect of Fischer's studies, or he was haunting the place. If G-Man's research was correct, ghosts newer than a few years didn't have enough of a presence to really do anything, or even be conscious, but they tended to hang around where they had lived and affect the atmosphere there.

Following his instincts just the way the man had told him to before, G-Man walked around to the back of the house. There was a back door, the sort that might connect to a kitchen, but a small broken window revealed that the room inside was nothing of the sort. Instead it had metal tables like a lab, surfaces covered in books, and metal boxes lined up against the walls. Some boxes and jars in the room seemed to glow when he looked away from them, including a Florence flask which was knocked over on an otherwise clear table, spilling some translucent liquid which had yet to evaporate.

The closer G-Man got, the more the chill picked at his skin. He could tell he wasn't wanted here, but the dried blood blossoms in his pockets should keep anything too bad from happening. It was worth it for the knowledge he could — would — gain.

He climbed through the window. It was too small to be a comfortable fit, but the door was locked and he didn't want to break anything that wasn't already broken. On the way through, his hand picked up a small static shock. Strange, since the window frame was plastic, but stranger things still have happened during G-Man's studies.

A workbench directly across from the door caught his attention. In front of stacks of books was a torn piece of paper, stained by whatever substance was in the spilled flask. Wild but legible handwriting read:

The items in this lab are not to be moved without the utmost dedication to their protection. I am dead, but my findings are still not to be let out of my sight. Intruders will be faced with my ghost. The security of my work is likely the death of me, be prepared for it to be the death of you.

It was signed by Fischer, but the corner of the paper was smudged unreadable by the liquid, leaving just "Ben".

It was certainly very passionate. Confident, even, from the assumption that his ghost would be around in the time it would be needed. But Fischer knew more than G-Man, if nothing else, he could be sure his ghost would stay with any stolen items until it could punish the thief. G-Man was weary to open any books or boxes knowing this, but stepped back to at least look around the room. Perhaps something could be gained that way.

In his inspection, G-Man noticed one of the faded glows becoming brighter. Suddenly, it coalesced into a figure. Directly in front of him, Fischer's ghost hovered, dark blue eyes piercing despite the overall unsure translucency of his form. He was angry, as fiercely protective of his work as the note had implied. He was also... startlingly solid. This was the closest G-Man had ever been to a ghost, but he was sure that they were not usually so defined at the edges. This ghost had slightly wrinkled skin, and his chest was moving as if he were breathing.

In fact, G-Man was certain that in order for a ghost to collect enough ambient energy to cast a form, stay visible, and maintain a consciousness, their essence had to remain for several years. Even in a place of highly concentrated paranormal energy like this little lab, it would take a year or more for just the emotional consciousness to draw together into a spirit. For what was clearly Fischer to be here so soon, and so unusually solid as well... something was clearly wrong. G-Man's investigative curiosity was almost enough to overpower his instinctual fear.

As the spirit's eyes focused onto him, the air in the room grew drier. It started to pull at the moisture in his skin and made his fingertips feel hot. Every luminescent stain and vial grew brighter until they appeared to occasionally arc between one another. Tiny discharges of hot energy.

There was no way G-Man was getting out of this without at the very least explaining himself. He steeled his nerves to the best of his ability and looked directly into the ghost's eyes, willing himself to ignore the dark lifelessness of the pupils. "Do you... remember me?"

Fischer's head tilted to the side, less like he was trying to remember so much as like he was weighing whether to admit something. "...I do not know you." He looked unsure, questioning, even though behind his firm protectiveness was a layer of desperate honesty. Especially so soon after his own death, he had to be terribly confused, with a sense of purpose but no information as to why it was so.

...Of course, unless G-Man has been misunderstanding something major, and he remembered his life just fine.

Still, assumptions lead to danger when it comes to the supernatural, so he decided to test the waters.

G-Man pointed to the smudged note. "So, Ben..." He avoided calling the ghost by his full living name. For all he knew, there was some ghostly cultural taboo against using someone's old name. The most literal form of a deadname, he supposed. The note said "Ben" at the end, so perhaps if the ghost had no memory of his life he'd understand why G-Man would think that's his name.

Fischer growled. Alright, then, bad move. "That's not it." He was looking pointedly at the note, eying the staining almost as if scared. Wait, was he questioning the cut-off? He must not have been used to going as just "Ben" in life.

"...Not your whole name?"

Fischer shook his head harshly. He looked as though if he weren't fully invested in keeping G-Man away from his findings, he'd be curled up on the floor in frustration.

"Maybe..." started the ghost, "maybe it was... Ben... 'ri'? Benry?"

G-Man had to hold back a startled laugh. Maybe he was thinking of "Benji" or something similar, because as far as he was aware, "Benry" was nothing close to a name. That being said, he wasn't going to bring up the possible confusion. He was on thin ice as is.

"Well. Benry, sir, my name is G-Man. I'm a paranormal researcher, just like... just like the man this lab belonged to, and I've spoken with him before to share findings. I was hoping to make some observations of this room for my own research and leave. I promise not to harm you or anything in here. May I please take a look around?"

The spirit (Benry?) stared back at G-Man with a renewed fury. "NO! The research in this room stays here. If it gets out, they'll take it for their own uses, all they want is-"

"I promise to keep it away from the government!"

It was a fight-or-flight response, really, G-Man just blurted the first thing he thought Benry might want to hear. Honestly, he had no reason to assume what he didn't want was government involvement, that's a bit of a stereotype when it comes to rural areas, right? Just because G-Man was afraid of the government after getting the cops called on him for a ritual last year didn't mean every paranormal researcher was. And interrupting the ghost wasn't any way to earn his trust, God why wasn't his fear enough to shut him up? I mean, even if he didn't react violently — it would be respectable, considering G-Man's bold act — making a promise to a ghost? Aren't they like the fae? What if he's bound to it? He wasn't planning on sharing anything with the government, not by a long shot, but what if something came up?

Benry's eyes widened and bored directly into G-Man, expression unreadable. Then he softened. Almost literally, his harsh glow lessened and a degree of moisture returned to the room. "You promise."

It wasn't a question, but it didn't feel like a command either. It didn't need to be. An expression of relief. "We protect the research together. You can build on it. Without the findings, there's nothing to protect. We must keep it from the wrong hands."

G-Man was shocked. The shock didn't lessen when Benry, and the note, faded from view. Was he... trusted to keep this research?

After standing still for a minute and feeling the room come back together, he let out a weak, belated "thank you." He approached a closed book on one table. If nothing else, he had to come away from this with some new knowledge.

When he touched it, the pages hummed with the same dry spark as Benry's glare. ...Haunting equipment was a good way to stay close, G-Man supposed. It seemed he had not only Fischer's findings to help his career, but his own defensive spirit, odd as it may be.