#i guess. i sure am getting pretty petty in these tags lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kimbapisnotsushi · 7 months

Note

you seem to have a good read on HQ and your takes are great, so i have a question...and if you'd rather not go there, please ignore this! but i see oikawa get called "arrogant" quite often and i'm curious, would you say he is? what is it that makes people think that? imo he has a plenty of flaws, but i truly don't think arrogance is one of them. self-centered, sure, but not arrogant i think. i'm open to being wrong, i'm just legit so confused by that particular criticism, it makes me doubting my reading comprehension. i feel like that one post that's like "free my man, he didn't do that. he did a lot of other stuff tho" LOL. if you do answer this, then thanks for your time!

oh, dear anon. this is a very very big question and i'm honored you think i am capable of providing an answer that does it justice!! i don't consider myself an oikawa expert by far, but i'll do my best because he's still very beloved to me, and i hope whatever i say helps!

(but also - maybe take what i say with a grain of salt LMAO)

anyways, to get the main point out of the way: i completely agree that oikawa isn't arrogant! i actually haven't seen any commentary about that myself (bless!!!), so i can't say for sure why some people might think that, but my guess is that they think his pridefulness = arrogance — they think that the confidence he has in himself and seijoh contributes nothing to their actual power and is utterly meaningless if they don't win, especially in the face of ushijima. which, like, come on. what kind of captain would he be if he wasn't confident in himself and his teammates? is he supposed to tell them that they're going to lose??? is he supposed to discourage their hard work and effort???

or maybe it's because oikawa acts like he's all that, but doesn't have anything to show for it. who does he think he is? what does he think his pride is worth? what right does he have to go around making grand declarations when he has nothing to his name?

(which isn't entirely true, either, but we'll get into that, promise.)

now, do i think that he can, occasionally, be flippant, shallow, and/or petty? yeah, sure. he's got one hell of a personality about it. even iwaizumi says as much. oikawa is great at being a little shit. it's one of my favorite things about him!

but is oikawa genuinely arrogant, or self-centered? well . . . i don't think so.

see, here's the thing about oikawa: he knows he's good, but he doesn't think he's good enough. i think it'd be easiest to really explain what that meant if we broke this down into two separate parts, so let's give it a go, shall we?

(buckle up, friends, because it's about to get LONG. also: TIMESKIP SPOILERS!! and there's a tldr at the start of the tags because. WOW.)

so, first things first: if people are calling oikawa arrogant, then i'm like 99% sure that they don't actually know what the word "arrogant" means.

"arrogant" is used to describe someone full of themselves. it's used to describe someone conceited and pompous. it's used to describe someone so assured of and invested in their self-importance that they don't care for other people, and if it seems like they do, then it's usually wildly off the mark and still serves to inflate their own egos.

oikawa has never once been like that. he's been pretty much the exact opposite, in fact.

and yeah, sure, by his third year of high school, he knows he's good at volleyball, and that's fine! it's perfectly all right to claim you're good at something if you have the skills/experience to back it up. confidence is healthy as long as it isn't in overabundance, and we actually see a lot of this throughout the series!

(not to mention that this was where ushijima fell short. he was overflowing with confidence. he did not believe, for even a single second, that hinata shouyou and his meager, scrappy little flock of crows could beat him.

but oikawa? he knew. he knew what it looked like to make something bloom.)

the key to oikawa's confidence that made him better was that he could pinpoint others' strengths and weaknesses just as well as he could with his own. and (bear with me, please, i might get kind of boring here bc it's nothing that hasn't been said in the manga before) i don't mean it in the way we see the coaches or more analytical players do, as observations to be taken advantage of by everyone else; i mean that in the sense of how vital it is to his position as a setter. that was always the biggest difference between oikawa and kageyama: no matter how much more raw talent kageyama had, no matter how much better oikawa believed him to be, kageyama, especially in the beginning, struggled to do what oikawa could with a team. kageyama struggled to bring out the best in each player. and it wasn't because he didn't know how -- oikawa freely admitted that kageyama had the skill for it, that kageyama, once he got his shit together, could win against him -- it was because kageyama didn't have that same confidence in himself.

(not until much later, anyways. but that's another story, for another time.)

so, oikawa's confident. he knows he's good. he can bring out the best in each player. he's got a killer serve (and a killer smile!), a mind for tactics that borders on machievallianism, and cherishes the trust he is given like it's something precious. his coaches let him lead without leaning on them. his team has the utmost respect and admiration for him. he has a reputation. from karasuno to shiratorizawa to the whole of miyagi -- there is not a single character who knows oikawa tooru and would believe that he is, in any way, bad at volleyball.

but it's not enough. despite all of that, oikawa still doesn't think he's good enough. and that, friends, brings us to the second point.

oikawa tooru is nothing if not passionate.

so were the others, of course. kageyama kept going after his grandfather's death. hinata kept going while being a nobody from nowhere with no one to back him up. atsumu kept going while osamu didn't. it's not even about just those who went pro -- kenma, kuroo, noya, and everyone else found things that they were passionate about and kept going with it. the entire story revolves around loving what you do and trying to keep that love alive, and, sometimes, that can be really, really difficult when it seems like it doesn't love you back.

oikawa was so insecure over kageyama to the point where he nearly decked the poor kid. oikawa got crushed by ushijima-- who kept telling him that his team was not good enough, that his choices were not good enough, that there was nothing good enough to be proud of -- for years in a row. oikawa was taught that there would always be someone better than him no matter how skilled he was, but if he let that stop him then he didn't fucking belong on the court in the first place.

oikawa tooru is intimately acquainted with not being good enough, but he keeps trying to be. he keeps going. he tries to keep the love alive even if he's not loved back. he pushes and practices and takes a plane far from home to become even better. even if he doesn't have the skill, even if he doesn't have the talent, even if he doesn't have the love -- he still has his pride. and what does that mean, in the end? how far does that take him?

in the end, oikawa tooru walks across a world stage and sees people who believed in him on the other side and calls it a family reunion. in the end, he gets to play the volleyball that reminds him of why he loves it and how it gives him so much love back. in the end, his pride is unyielding and unbreakable, a product of the forge. he molded it with his own two hands. he will not let it falter so easily.

arrogance would not have taken oikawa tooru this far. i hope this has proven that he is anything but.

remember: instinct is something you polish. talent is something you make bloom. and never, ever let anyone else tell you what your pride is worth.

#tldr: oikawa 's confident in himself but (believing that there will always be someone more talented) is always striving to become better #ANYWAYS #i know this one's a bit different from the itachiyama post where i analyzed each panel but like #that was REALLY hard to do for this one since there were so many good ones i could use!!!#so i ended up just smashing 2-3 panels together that i thought were best representative of each point i wanted to talk about #and then just diving deep into the whole thing #if i had done it the first way we would have been here FOREVER #literally that's why it took so long i kept deleting and rewriting and going 'holy shit how the fuck do i write this'#'how can ANYTHING i possibly say do justice to oikawa tooru'#i hope i did a good job and i hope this helped anon!!!#i genuinely think this is the most insane thing i have ever written so thanks for that i guess #oikawa tooru #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu meta #sou says stuff

50 notes · View notes

babyboibucky · 3 years

Text

Promises, promises

Pairing: AU!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You believed that promises are meant to be broken but Bucky always proved you wrong. Until one day, he proved you right.

Word Count: 6,555 (oops I got carried away lol)

Warnings: Angst, a tiny bit of self-doubt but with a happy ending!!!

A/N: Some tags aren’t working, damn u tumblr! Anyway enjoy the angst and the shitty writing lmfao. Also kinda want to do ficlets for these two??? Like short fics about the happenings in their relationship, their first date, how they dealt with the break up idk, lemme know if anyone’s interested in that xoxo

MAIN MASTERLIST

It's been four and a half years since Bucky broke up with you and honestly, you're fine now. Fine, as in you've moved on from him and that you haven't been stalking his Instagram account anymore or have been asking Steve how he's doing since the break up. You're fine now, really.

There was not an ounce of denial left in your body after almost two years of pining and self-blame. But that doesn't mean you've forgotten the pain he caused you when he woke up one day and realized that he didn't need you anymore.

Forgive and forget they often told you and you badly wanted to do so. But it wasn't that easy to do, not when you still feel the pain as if it only happened yesterday.

"What did you say?" your forehead creased as you walked around the kitchen counter, quickly approaching Bucky who had his back to you as he stood in the living room of your shared apartment.

You weren't sure if you heard him right, or if he actually said anything. Perhaps you were just hearing things? Just this morning he woke up and greeted you with his charming smile before pressing a soft peck on your lips. You had cooked breakfast together, laughed together and even talked about what to have for dinner.

Sure, something about his demeanor earlier was a bit off, but you assumed it had something to do about his work and not because he wanted to break up with you.

Right?

"Bucky, what did you say?" you pressed when Bucky remained quiet; he didn't even turn around to face you.

He heaved out a deep sigh, "I said I need space." he murmured.

"What do you mean, Buck?" you asked again, voice small and shaky as you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt.

Of course you knew what exactly Bucky meant by that, but you didn't want to believe it. You were hopeful that maybe this was one of those petty fights you used to have, one where Bucky would spend the night over at Steve's. He'll come around the next day, he always does that. You always woke up to him whispering apologies to your ear and you would say your sorry too.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand before finally turning to you, "I can't do this anymore." he said, shaking his head before averting his gaze to the floor.

He must have seen the look in your eyes when he faced you. As much as you believed that you were pretty good at hiding your emotions, it never worked on Bucky. He was the only person who could always read you; you could never hide from him.

"Bucky, I don't understand." you let out a nervous chuckle as you hugged yourself, biting your lower lip to prevent them from quivering as you held back the urge to cry.

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, "I just...you've been too...fuck, I don't know how to say this without hurting you. I really don't want to." he admitted dejectedly, looking up at you.

You scoffed, "Just fucking say it, Bucky. I'm already hurt just by having this conversation." you told him.

"You're too good for me. Way too good."

Bucky’s words echoed in your mind again as you laid your eyes on him, four and a half years after your break-up. And just like that, you were back to square one.

You did your best to avoid him after he left, you felt like Bucky too tried to do the same. It was harder than you thought, given that you belonged to the same circle of friends. There were missed birthday parties, anniversaries and get togethers. If you knew Bucky was going to be there, you’d bail. Thank god you had a bunch of understanding friends who never took your absences against you.

But an engagement party between two of your friends? Now that was something you wouldn’t want to miss out on.

You’ve been really happy for quite a while now, to the point that it never crossed your mind that Bucky would surely be attending as well. He had been out of your system since the day you decided to move past him, which is why you thought that you were finally a-okay.

Tonight proved you wrong because as you watched Bucky smile and greet your friends, you realized that you still wanted to punch him and hurt him and tell him that you were still in lo—

“Hi.”

You were too focused on daydreaming about how you wanted to hurt Bucky that you failed to notice that he made his way to you and was now waiting for you to greet him back.

Bucky was smiling at you the same way he did on the night you first met at a college house party. You and Bucky have been together for that long.

“Hi.”

The music was too loud that you missed out on the stranger’s greeting, if not for his shadow looming over your hunched figure as you sat on the staircase, you would’ve completely ignored him.

The guy was looking down at you with a charming smile that made your cheeks turn pink. He was tall and slightly muscular, something you noticed right off the bat all thanks to the tight red henley he was sporting. The guy had long hair too, but it was tied back into a low man bun that was messy enough to leave tendrils of stray hair to frame his handsome face.

“Hi.” He repeated with a chuckle, a hint of amusement laced in his tone as he bit his lip at the sight of you just staring up at him.

“Hi?” You stammered awkwardly.

He laughed, “Um, can I pass through or is there some sort of password required?”

You realized that you had been blocking his way, everyone’s way actually. Quickly, you apologized and stood up to leave your spot only for the guy to block your way before you could even hop off of the last step of the staircase.

Thinking that you must have confused him and the direction you intended to go, you murmured a soft apology again before sidestepping him but to no avail. You looked up at him with a frown when you noticed that he was intentionally blocking your way.

It didn’t help that he was way taller than you. Despite the one being on the last step of the staircase, the guy still loomed over you.

“Excuse me?” You snapped and tried to move past him but he was way bigger than you and managed to stop you from passing through.

He had a cheeky smile on as he watched your futile attempt to squeeze your way out of his large body. You huffed out when he held onto the rail while his other hand on the wall, completely trapping you on the staircase.

“What’s the password?” He asked, still grinning at you.

You deadpanned, “Are you kidding me?”

He shook his head, “Nope.”

You stared at him blankly before glancing at his hands, observing whether you had a chance at prying them away from where they held on. It was then that you noticed how his left hand was covered in tattoos. The sleeve of his henley rode up quite a bit to reveal that his tattoos reached his wrist, he probably had his entire left arm sleeved with ink.

“Can I please pass?” You huffed out when you concluded that there was no way you would be able to escape him.

“Like I said, I need a password.” He insisted.

“Penis.” You stated, face free from any sort of expression.

The guy choked on his laughter, “Why would you honestly think that?” He asked incredulously.

You shrugged, “I thought you guys liked dick jokes.” You reasoned out.

The guy laughed as he shook his head, “Well, you’re not wrong.”

“It’s not the password?” You asked. “Don’t I get a hint or something, I really don’t have time for games right now. I have to go back to my dorm. I have a test tomorrow.” You told the guy.

“I can’t believe you’re thinking about a test. What’s your major anyway?” He asked.

You groaned, “Like I said, I don’t have time for games or even for a conversation. Come on, just let me pass through!”

The guy hummed as he stared at you, as if he was thinking of something. You wanted to look away but he had beautiful ocean blue eyes that you found yourself slowly getting lost in.

“I’ll give you hints.” He announced. “Two hints actually, because I’m feeling generous.”

“Okay, then. Just spit it out!” You rushed.

The guy grinned.

“The password is made up of your name followed by your number.”

“Hi.”

You blinked when Bucky repeated his greeting. When you regained your senses, you cleared your throat and simply nodded at him as acknowledgment. You saw how Bucky’s smile faltered seconds before you looked away and pretended to look for someone.

“I can’t believe you just brushed me off.” He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair.

Bucky had cut off his hair right after graduation. He sported a clean cut since then but now he had longer locks; not as long as his college hair though. It just looked fluffier, you fought the urge to imagine how it’d feel through your fingers.

“I can’t believe you just expected me to greet you as if nothing happened.” You told him, letting your eyes wander around the place.

Bucky exhaled heavily and shook his head, “I thought we’d be okay by now.” He admitted. “Guess I was wrong.”

You clicked your tongue in irritation, snapping your head into his direction after avoiding his gaze earlier. “I am okay, but that doesn’t mean I am okay with being around you.” You hissed.

“I honestly thought we’d still be friends, you know. Civil at least.”

What has gotten into Bucky’s mind for him to expect a lovely reunion between the both of you? Things didn’t end well, he just left. He was too ambitious to even think that you’d greet him with rainbows and butterflies.

“We’re not friends, Bucky. Not even acquaintances.” You told him.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something until someone tapped on the mic, announcing that the newly engaged couple, Wanda and Vis, had something to say to their guests. By the time he looked back at you, you had already walked away and joined Nat at their table.

It reminded Bucky of the days when he used to watch your back retreat into your dorm whenever he walked you home.

“So, you gonna tell me the password or what?”

You felt all your blood rush to your head and you’ve never been thankful for existence of strobe lights. You were probably red as a tomato. Who wouldn’t be anyway? This handsome dude just asked for your name and number!

“Is this a joke?” You managed to asked and thanked the heavens that you didn’t stutter.

The guy shook his head, “I don’t really joke around.” He shrugged.

“Why do you even want to know my name and number?” you curiously asked.

Bucky shrugged, “Been watching you since you arrived.”

“Creeper.” you accused.

“Hard not to when you’re the only grumpy person in a party. I know your friends dragged you here, I mean you said you have a test tomorrow and you don’t seem the type to party a day before. Besides, you’ve been keeping to yourself the entire time. Figured you might want some company, one with substance.” he boastfully wiggled his eyebrows at you.

His confidence appalled you but you were also surprised at how he seemed to have read your mind. Or personality, in general.

“Hey, Bucky!”

You watched the guy turn his head towards front door where a blonde guy— Steve from the student council, you recognized— entered. You thought it’d give you a chance to slip away but the guy, well Bucky, kept his hands in place.

“Kinda busy right now, pal. I’ll catch up with you later.” He said.

Steve’s gaze moved past Bucky until they landed on you. He chuckled as he shook his head at his friend’s antics. Steve walked away but not without acknowledging you.

“He may not seem like it, but Bucky’s a good guy. You can take my word for it.”

Bucky turned to you and lifted an eyebrow, “I mean, coming from a student council member, that’s a pretty credible source.” He said confidently.

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. You had to admit, Bucky had a way with words and actions. His boyish charm was working on you and you hated how easily you were falling for it. And you just met the guy like ten minutes ago!

“So, what’s the password?” Bucky asked again.

You tapped your foot as you crossed your arms over your chest, “You promise to let me go if I tell you?”

Bucky made a face, “I don’t think that’s the right term because you can expect more of me once you give me the password. But I’ll definitely step aside. That’s a promise.” He reassured.

“Promises are meant to be broken.” You stated.

“Yeah, well watch me prove you wrong. Password? Pretty please?” He asked cutely and fuck, Bucky was really winning you over just like that.

Letting out a defeated sigh, you tell him your name and number. Just as he promised, Bucky stepped aside and quickly fished out his phone to type in your number. You honestly didn’t expect for him to remember it after hearing it once, but you peeked and he actually did. Impressive.

“Like I promised, off you go to study.” He said and motioned his arm towards the front door.

You sighed and offered a small smile before finally walking past him. You were about to open the front door when Bucky beat you to it.

“I told you ‘let go’ is the wrong term ‘cause I’m walking you home tonight.” Bucky said. “And tomorrow night too. And the next night and the next next night. Or afternoon. Morning? Whatever time your classes finish.”

Bucky really proved you wrong that night because he did walk you home the next night and the next next night too. It went on until he no longer had to watch you enter your dorm or apartment because eventually, the two of you ended up going to the same home.

It’s very ironic really, that it was also Bucky who failed to prove you wrong when he broke his promise not to hurt you, ever. You wondered whether it was your fault that you actually believed in him. It was hard not to though, because Bucky’s earned your trust from all the promises he made and kept.

Which is why it was even more painful when one day, he decided to break the one promise you truly held on to.

“I’ll always love you, you know that right?”

Bucky blurted it out randomly that his statement confused the hell out of you. The two of you were just playing a video game when he said it, making you hit pause.

“And where did that come from?” You asked with amusement.

Bucky frowned, “You could’ve reacted differently. I was hoping for a high-pitched ‘awwww!’ and this is what I get?” He teased, taking your chin in between his index finger and thumb to pull you close so he could bite your nose playfully.

“You said it out of the blue!” You told him with a laugh. “But it made me happy though.” You admitted and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, well it’s true. I mean, this thing we got? It’s forever.” Bucky said and lovingly smiled at you.

You pretended to gag at his words but it was obvious that you felt like you were on cloud nine when Bucky said that. “Cheeseballs!” You teased.

“This cheeseball’s gonna put a ring on that finger one day. That’s a promise!”

A finger snapped right in front of your face, “You good?” Nat asked.

You nodded and tried your hardest not to look at Bucky. He was seated with Steve, Sam and some other guys at the table next to yours. You could feel him staring at you and it was making you anxious. Nat and Sharon exchanged looks before letting out a sigh in unison.

“Come on, I’m fine. Stop looking at me like that!” You told them with a forced chuckle.

“What did Bucky say?” Sharon asked. She’d seen Bucky approach you upon his arrival, saw the expressions you both had as you talked and knew immediately that it didn’t go well.

Nat hummed before taking a quick sip from her glass of wine, “We’ve been watching and we’re curious.”

“He was expecting for us to be friends.” You simply stated.

Nat and Sharon groaned and rolled their eyes, “What a dick.” Nat said.

“Men really do have the audacity.” Sharon laughed and shook her head.

You joined her laughter and lifted up your own glass of wine, “I’ll drink to that.” You said before finishing your drink in one go.

One glass of wine turned into two and then three and then four. Six drinks later and you were buzzed and unstoppable. You weren’t that drunk, you were good at handling alcohol but you were tipsy for sure. The formalities of the engagement party were finally done and the guests were left to mingle around.

Wanda and Vis immediately went to your table to catch up and after giving them your heartfelt congratulations (and apologies for missing out on plenty of events), you decided to step out of the venue to get some fresh air.

The silence allowed you to process your thoughts, the same thoughts you had repressed for years. You were happy for Wanda and Vis, truly. The two have been the epitome of soulmates and it was only right for them to end up tying the knot. But you also couldn’t help but wonder, would you and Bucky end up in marriage too had he decided to stay and work things out with you?

You lift up your left hand and stared at your bare ring finger. Just a few years ago, you’d been wearing a simple gold band studded with tiny diamonds around it— a promise ring. Bucky had given it as a gift on your 6th anniversary. You’d gotten together when you were just 19 and Bucky 21. People always doubted that your relationship with him wouldn’t last long given that the two of you were so different. Not to mention, Bucky had a reputation. Girls fawned over him; he was tall and handsome, had a rugged appeal to him thanks to his long hair and tattooed left arm. He drove a damn motorcycle that got him into trouble plenty of times.

You were Miss Goody Two Shoes who played it safe and Bucky was the Big Bad Wolf who liked taking risks.

It was a surprise when your relationship with him kept on progressing and the next thing you knew, the both of you have been together for a total of eight long years. It would’ve reached nine but shit happened and Bucky decided that those eight years didn’t matter to him anymore.

“Can we talk?”

If Bucky asked you that a couple of years ago, you would’ve probably punched him in the face and kneed him at the crotch before running away. Well, you still wanted to do so but a part of you wanted to talk things out. Get a proper closure maybe since Bucky failed to give you a detailed explanation that would help you understand why he chose to leave you.

Nat told you once that some things are better left unsaid. You spent years secretly pining for Bucky after the break up, spent nights questioning yourself where you lacked that made him leave you. You’d asked Steve about Bucky whether he met someone knew or how he was dealing with the break up; it did you more damage than good until you finally gave up and decided to actually move on.

But now that Bucky was here and there was no way to avoid him, maybe you deserved this confrontation after all.

“What do you want to talk about?” You asked, keeping your eyes on the pavement right in front of you.

You felt Bucky stand beside you, placing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans before turning to you, “About us.”

You snickered, “Us? What about us? What is there to talk about us?” You asked, turning your head to face him.

Bucky’s eyes have always been your favorite feature of his. They were very expressive and if Bucky could see through you every damn time, it was his eyes that you could always read. They were still blue but they held a certain emotion in them as he gazed at you.

Sadness and...regret?

Before your assumptions could get the best of you, you turned away and waited for Bucky to speak again.

“I can’t keep on avoiding you.” He said. “I’ve been doing so for the past few years and it kills me.” He admitted.

“And you think I want to keep doing this too? I’ve missed out on so many occasions because I just couldn’t be around you. You’re not the only one struggling.” You said.

Bucky shrugged, “Then let’s stop avoiding each other.”

The way he suggested it almost offended you; he was so nonchalant about it as if it was so easy to just let him waltz back into your life. Truth was, you dreamt of the day that he’d come crawling back to you. But you knew better than to let your walls down just because you miss him.

“When Steve told me that you seemed to be doing well, I really thought it meant that we can become friendly with each other, y’now. I mean, eight years. Those years meant so much to me, we’ve been through a lot and—“

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Barnes?!” You bitterly chuckled.

“If those eight years together really meant a lot to you, you would’ve stayed. You would’ve allowed me to work it out with you! But what, you broke up with me because you thought I was too good for you? That you felt suffocated just because I was looking out for you?”

You didn’t mean to snap at Bucky like that, in your mind you thought you would be able to have a calm conversation with him. But with the alcohol running through your body, you couldn’t stop yourself from expressing yourself and and feeling the same way you did on that specific night.

“Too good? How am I too good for you, Buck?” You asked, immediately wiping off the tears that escaped your eyes.

“You have everything planned out! For yourself, for us. And it makes me feel fucking useless! I see you work your way up at your job and I’m still figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life!” He exclaimed.

You shook your head, “I didn’t know you felt that way.” You whispered. “If you told me this then I could’ve done something about it, Buck! Rather than let it get this far, I would’ve fixed it.” You told him and tried to reach out but Bucky took a step back.

“That too! You’re a fixer! You always end up fixing things. This relationship has become an endless cycle of me fucking up things and you picking up the pieces. And every single time you clean my mess, I feel like you’re hoping I’d be like the others. It’s like you’re trying to make me into a person I’m not just so I could fit this, this certain mold you had in mind!” He accused you.

You wiped again your tears and refused to believe him, “That’s not true, Bucky! I’ve always loved you for who you are, I never asked you to change for me!”

“Yes, you do! You never said it but I always felt it...when Steve got promoted and when Sam finally launched his business. You always wanted me to be like them, you never said it out loud but that’s what you made me feel whenever we talk about my job...or lack thereof.” He chuckled bitterly.

Bucky may not be traditional in the sense that he considered himself an artist. He never liked the idea of settling for a nine to five desk job so he took on a job as a tattoo artist. It wasn’t a permanent job and he didn’t have clients demanding for him all the time so it gave him time to work for a motorcycle shop too.

It was never a problem for you but practically speaking, your and Bucky’s joint savings wouldn’t be enough for the future that the both of you have planned out.

“I’ve been supportive of you! I never asked you to give up on those jobs, Bucky.” You defended yourself.

Bucky nodded his head, “You don’t know it but you do. That’s how I felt whenever you suggested that I try something else.”

“It’s because I know you can do so much more! Stay at the tattoo parlor and mechanic shop, then fine! But don’t settle because you have the potential to make it out there, that’s what I want you to know! I don’t understand why you’re limiting yourself, Buck. Why you’re suddenly so afraid.”

You carefully took a step closer to Bucky and thank god he let you this time. You swallowed the lump in your throat and reached out to cup his face in your hand. Bucky was livid, his chest rising heavily with every breath he took.

“You were the one who taught me to be brave, to take risks. I used to be so afraid, remember? Afraid to ride your motorcycle, to try out that job I thought I couldn’t handle. I was so scared to commit,” you chuckled, remembering how much you hesitated to give Bucky a chance when he asked you to be officially his girlfriend.

“...but you’ve always been there for me. And I want to do the same with you. I know that it seems scary to let go of what you believe is your calling. You don’t have to let go of it, Buck. But you gotta try something new too.” You said as you let your thumb caress the skin beneath his eyes.

There was silence between the two of you. Bucky had calmed down and you thought that it was over. Little did you know that it was simply the calm before the storm. Because the words that came out of Bucky’s mouth were the words you didn’t expect to hear.

“Well, this is me trying something new.”

Bucky refused to meet your gaze and simply let your hand move away from his face. You shook your head no as you turned around to compose yourself.

“We were fine this morning, Buck. What happened?” You asked and embraced yourself, seeking comfort you knew you’d only get if Bucky changed his mind.

“I thought we were fine too. But the tattoo parlor is closing in a month and we haven’t been getting plenty of clients at the motorcycle shop. And it just hit me y’now, I dread coming home to you because I know you’d be disappointed and that again, you’d offer to fix my shit and the thing is, I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to fix my shit or tell me how to deal with my problems! I woke up and realized that I just don’t...” Bucky paused when you swiftly turned around with a frown, eyes brimming with a fresh new wave of tears.

“Don’t say it, Bucky. I’ll be better, I promise! I won’t nag you or pressure you into anything. Just please, don’t say it. Please don’t. We can still work this out.” You begged Bucky.

You weren’t sure you could take it, what he wanted to say. You already knew what he was going to tell you, you didn’t want to hear it. Let other people say it but god, it’d break you if you heard it from him.

“I’m sorry but I don’t need you anymore.”

The stabbing pain in your heart felt so familiar, the kind that punched all the air out of your lungs. You thought you were done crying over Bucky, but you were so wrong.

“I fucked up.” Bucky huffed out, bowing his head as if ashamed.

“You realized that just now?” You snickered. “Do you know how long it took for me to get over you? To forget the pain from hearing you tell me that you don’t need me anymore? After eight years together, Buck. You were my first everything and you gave up on us. And you really expected us to be friends, just like that?!” You spat.

“I’m sorry!” Bucky exclaimed, lifting his head to look up at you and you were surprised that his eyes were glazed with tears.

“I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong. Because you were right, I shouldn’t have settled then. But god I was an idiot, an insecure idiot.” He admitted.

“I was so used to being the one who guided you that it fucking hurt my ego when I noticed that you were becoming your own person outside of our relationship. I was supposed to be the one supporting you, pushing you to be better. You ended being the one leading me. I let my ego get the best of me and thought I’d be better off without you. But it was the biggest mistake of my life because when I left, I felt even more lost.” Bucky explained.

You were left speechless, you weren’t sure why Bucky was telling you all this. Did he want you back or was he simply apologizing? You didn’t have words so you remained quiet and waited to see whether Bucky had more to say.

“I’m so sorry, I really am. I hurt you. I should’ve stayed, should’ve worked with you to fix our relationship. I hate what we’ve become, I sincerely wanted us to be civil with each other at least.” He said.

“Bucky, you’ve been saying the same thing over and over again. I’m not sure you understand the situation. I can’t be friends with you. Not after what happened. I thought I was fine but now I realized that I’ve never really moved on from the pain you caused me.” You told him and sniffed, looking back to check whether your friends could see you.

Thankfully, all the guests were still busy mingling with each other. It’s as if the universe meant for this confrontation to happen. But now you weren’t sure what to do after you finally got a clear explanation from Bucky.

“I wanted a fresh start with you.” Bucky said. “Thought that it would make it easier for me to win you over if we were friends again.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “It’s not that easy, Buck. I can’t just let you walk back into my life after your apology. It doesn’t work that way.”

You tried to move past him but he immediately blocked your way, “When I said I’ll always love you, I meant it. I still do. I want to make things right, please. Give me one last chance to fix this.”

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, maybe it was Bucky’s words and how sincere he sounded that made your head spin. Your heart was racing and your palms turned cold. You wanted him back too, so bad but you weren’t sure if it was a good idea. He broke your heart and your trust, you weren’t sure if you’d survive if he left you again.

“I can’t continue this conversation, Bucky. I have to go.” You told him and made your way towards the door to the venue.

However, Bucky was quick to stand in front of the door. He had a determined look on his face, one that looked extremely familiar. You were still hurt but couldn’t deny the fact that you too, still love him.

Even after everything that had happened, Bucky still owned your heart.

“Bucky, can you please move? I want to go home.” You said and tried to reach for the door knob but Bucky moved and leaned against the door.

“You need a password to get through.”

You rolled your eyes, “We’re way too old for this, Bucky. I’m not playing with you.”

He shook his head, “I’m not playing either. Give me the password or else we’d be here the entire night.”

You huffed out, “This isn’t funny. Let me through.”

Bucky shrugged, “No can do. Like I said, I can do this all night.”

You deadpanned, “What’s the hint?” You asked with a defeated sigh, knowing well enough that there was no way you could walk past him without playing along with his stupid little game.

“Consists of three words.” Bucky said.

“Penis boobs vagina.”

Bucky cackled, “And I thought you said we’re too old for this.”

You groaned, “I’m serious, Bucky. Just let me go.”

“No. I made that mistake once and I’m not doing that again. I love you. And I promise that this time, it’ll be different. I know you still love me too, so again I am asking you to take a risk and say it.”

Bucky said it with conviction and you hated how it made your stomach flip. Up until this day, Bucky had a way to make you fold. And he could still read you.

“I’m not saying it, Bucky. How sure are you that I still feel the same anyway?” you asked.

Bucky tipped his head towards your neck, “Not sure if you just forgot but you’re wearing the promise ring as a necklace.”

Fuck. Of course, you’d forgotten about it. You may not have been wearing it on your finger, but you still continued to wear it. It meant a lot to you even after the break up, so much so that you couldn’t simply throw it away or remove it. You figured that it might be better to keep it around your neck. Out of sight, out of mind but still there. You wanted it to exist, it was a part of you.

“Say it and I promise that you won’t regret it.” Bucky insisted.

“Promises are meant to be broken. You proved that the night you broke up with me.” Your voice quivered when you said that.

“And I want to make it up for it for the rest of my life.” He reassured.

“History repeats itself. I don’t think I can deal with it again if you realized the second time around that you don’t need me. Buck, you really hurt me.” You said, voice cracking before you could even finish your sentence.

Bucky quickly took your face in between his hands and for some reason, it felt right. The warmth of his palm, the love in his eyes as he gazed at you, it felt like home.

“I know and I hate myself for it. So fucking much. But I promise you, it wouldn’t happen again. I fixed my life when you left, realized that you were right. I’m better now. So let me be the fixer this time, let me be the one to fix this mess, to pick up the pieces. Because I’m just as afraid to let you go again. I can’t do that again. I love you and I need you. I always did.”

The kiss he pressed on your forehead caused your walls to crumble down. All of a sudden you were sobbing into his arms and apologizing.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you then, Buck. I didn’t know, I’m sorry too.” You cried.

“Shh, no. Please don’t apologize.” Bucky coaxed as he pulled back to kiss your tears away. “None of this was your fault, baby. It’s all on me. Let me make it up to you, please?”

The term of endearment made your heart flutter and as much as you hated how Bucky easily won you over, again, the love you have for him was quick to outweigh it. You knew you shouldn’t have given in to him just like that, but this was Bucky. He was your greatest love, someone who owned your heart even after he left.

“I miss you, baby. Couldn’t fathom the thought of you being with someone else.” Bucky admitted as he hugged you tightly.

“I was so stupid, so fucking stupid. I hated myself for hurting you. I won’t do it again, I swear.”

His hand rubbed circles against your back, helping you calm down after your breakdown. He swayed you from side to side, pressed kisses on your crown and whispered promises that he was sure he was going to keep and you basked in it. When you finally calmed down, you pressed your face into Bucky’s neck and inhaled his scent.

He smelled the same, like comfort and love and trust. You hugged him tighter and smiled into his skin and mumbled, “I love you.”

Bucky chuckled, “You got the password right but I don’t think I’m letting you go just yet.”

“Nat and Sharon’s gonna kick our asses if they find out.” You chuckled.

He pulled back and stared at you lovingly, “I’ll take the hit for you.” he laughed.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled again, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“Forgiven.” You told him and stood on your tiptoes until Bucky bent down to meet your lips in a kiss.

You sighed into the kiss. Four and a half years of pain and anger all gone and replaced with the love you always had for Bucky. His lips against yours made you dizzy but in a good way.

It felt right, like this was how things were really supposed to be.

You pulled back and sighed, “As much as I want to stay like this, I’m really tired.”

Bucky let you go but took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I’m driving you home tonight.” He said.

You smiled.

“And the next night. And the next next night.”

Yet again, Bucky proved himself to be worthy of another chance. Because he drove you home the next night, and the next next night. It went on until he regained your trust back and all was well enough for him to finally reveal the black velvet box that he had been keeping in his pocket since the night of your eventful reunion.

“You need a password to see what’s inside.” Bucky grinned up at you as he bent down on one knee.

You chuckled through your years, “Any hint?”

“One word, three letters.”

You wiped away your tears with a smile followed by a subtle nod.

“Yes.”

Bucky kept his promise all along, he really did put a ring on your finger. Took quite a while with plenty of obstacles that caused its delay, but a promise fulfilled nonetheless.

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes

#bbbwrites #oneshots: bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky fic #bucky angst #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes angst #sebastian stan

2K notes · View notes

everything-laito · 3 years

Note

hey,,, i've seen this controversial opinion about laito not being sexually assaulted by cordelia. . .as the only opinion of laito that matters, what are your thoughts on it? i know you've made some posts in the past about cordelia and laito's relationship, but i think that now would be a good time to i guess, remake a post or clarify your thoughts so people could follow along?? i hope you enjoy your day.

*proceeds to crack all my knuckles at once*

This isn't really my own "response" cuz oh boy I'm sick of this petty ass drama lmao. To begin, SKLDJF I'm very flattered that you hold my opinion in that high of regard! I'd say there's others that have interesting interpretations of him too though :) but again, thank you :') glad you enjoy what I have to say!

I know I've already kinda responded to this via a screenshot here, just to hold you––and others reading this––over. As much as this is a great time to talk about a how-to-analysis, I’ll still put that as a separate post eventually, but I still will go over the philosophy of truth and writings etc. But anyways, to answer your initial questions, they’re under the cut!

And no, I’m not specifically calling anyone out here. These are just issues with the fandom that I find as a whole, along with some extremists. Thus, I’m not going to be putting tags for people to easily find this post because I don’t want to be wound up in this drama––once again this is just more commentary on the fandom as a whole, which hopefully you can apply to people you find!

I have a lot of my own thoughts about Cordelia and Laito’s relationship here (just in case if people need it):

1. Goes over potential grooming of Laito, facts about Cordelia and what happened before she did stuff to Laito, and when did she rape Laito for the first time?

2. Stuff about incest and how any relationship out of a parental/child relationship is abuse even if it’s not penetrative sex, more incest stuff, and just more thoughts on their relationship

3. Neuroplasticity, trauma, Karlheinz, and isolation

4. What does sexual trauma look like? And some stuff on Laito’s facade

5. More stuff on his facade, and projection on Yui

6. My thoughts on Laito’s dark fate vampire ending + Conclusion

7. Answering some inbox stuff relating to Cordelia

Sure I realize I might be missing some stuff but that’s just my whole analysis on them. I’ll probably make some follow up posts eventually but I’m not sure when that will be.

But as for this analysis/ramble, I’ll divide it up into sections:

The issue of hypocrisy in the Dialovers fandom:

I- oh dear god. Ok, just saying, there’s a lot of people being like “oh I hate Cordelia because she was abusive” then ??? yo??? Why do you like the boys?? They’re abusive and we see more of them than Cordelia??? I just personally hate hypocrisy. However, it’s okay to hate Cordelia! It’s okay to love Cordelia! It’s okay to hate the boys and it’s okay to love the boys too. But recognizing that you don’t like one or the other just because “they’re abusive” is a fallacy at that point.

The reason why so many people hate Karlheinz/Cordelia/Beatrix/Christa/Richter (or at least start off hating them) is because they are written as the villains of the story! Karl’s the main villain, and the rest (including the diaboys and Yui) are kinda just tragically wound up in his plans. You sympathize more with the boys because you spend more time with them and watch them grow! It’s a whole “us vs them” situation. Since those people were awful to the boys/the boys hate them, you’re like “yeah they’re bad!” But the issue with the whole “us vs them” situation (as in real life) is that people tend to excuse the actions done by the “us” party.

Same thing goes with extreme Karl/Cordelia/Richter fans (I’ve never seen a hardcore Beatrix/Christa fan but they’re probably out there). Some hate the diaboys but love the people in that party. They’ve also done some shitty stuff too! Bro, even Yui has done some terrible stuff! But that’s because she was a product of the events she was thrown into––and same with everyone else.

Karl has been the mastermind of all this, and for me I don’t have any sympathy for him, mainly because we’re not shown anything to sympathize with (except that he just is tired of living but idk why he wants to create a whole new race like lmao science nerd ig, I feel that king). A lot of people like him for his looks, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing––he’s a fictional character, objectify these characters however you want. This is more of a personal opinion of mine though. And maybe people do just sympathize with his outlook on life, that’s totally fine.

But since these characters are all attractive in their own regard, they all get the treatment of “pretty-boy” syndrome (Idek if that’s the exact name for it). Which is just the privilege pretty people get. But again, this is fictional, so it’s not necessarily important in this case. Bro I got into DL cuz of “ooga booga hot vampires” and stayed for the complex lore and characters (especially one complex character, wonder who that could be). I imagine most people got into DL because of that, or out of sheer curiosity.

Ok, I’m throwing out a lot of points but not really connecting them. Lemme give you an example: I don’t like Reiji. His character doesn’t vibe with me most of the time aside from the fact that he’s hilarious. But I just am very neutral/neutral-negative on his character. But I’m not like “oh cuz he’s mean/abusive” cuz LOL EVERYONES MEAN IN THIS GAME. Sure you can still say that, it’s just not a very strong claim. Hypocritical claims tend to be like that. Same with a lot of Yui haters. In this case, they’re more jealous that she’s there and not them, which I’ve explained a lot in this post about toxic femininity and Yui in the fandom etc. But it’s ok to just not like a character! It’s alright! I know someone who just doesn’t vibe with Subaru. She doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t vibe with him. There’s no need to defend it either. But the use of hypocrisy is my main issue, and I’ll get to that in the next section.

(There’s a really good post explaining this too but I cannot find it for the life of me. I think it was made by @/abottleofkarlheinz or @/the-madame21)

How opinions of fictional universes left unchecked can effect real life:

I’ve said this a little bit in that Dialover PSA post I’ve made about Yui that I linked a couple paragraphs ago. But the reasons why people say they hate Yui is concerning. If you don’t like Yui, that’s totally fine! Again you don’t need reasons to hate on a character or defend it. But if you do choose to defend those characters, make sure what you’re saying isn’t out of some other place in your heart. Let me explain.

In that “Yui PSA” post I made, I say how your attitudes in being critical of a fictional universe usually does reflect on who you are as a person, at least when you’re making certain claims. In that Yui post, I say that the hatred on Yui is a result of the “other girl” mentality. On top of that, it erases her experience as a survivor. Yes, this is a fictional character, but bringing that into real life can have some dire consequences if you don’t differentiate them. If you have the same attitude of Yui with other survivors if the “abuser is hot” then thaaaaaat’s so fucked up.

For example, there’s people who have crushes on real life serial killers! That- that’s absolutely disgusting! Those real people killed living people and effected so many lives and families. Dude I have fictional crushes on fictional serial killers, and that’s different, because it is a removed universe. It’s why I can still call myself a lesbian but still have crushes on fictional male characters, for a further example (and vice versa! I have straight friends who crush on fictional characters of their same gender! But that doesn’t make them any less straight. And no, I’m not erasing bi people here either, just clarifying in case if you needed that).

Not being able to differentiate your opinions of a fictional universe can get very toxic. Like I love Laito, but I’m not like “omg I wish he was real so he could do that stuff to me uwu” like no!!! UH!!! I wouldn’t want to date anyone like him in real life! That’s literal abuse! And if Laito was here in real life it’s not a controlled environment, he’d literally be able to do anything with you, etc. That’s what makes a fantasy, a fantasy. They’re controlled.

Also vice versa, some people get really triggered by Dialovers, specifically Laito’s route. A lot of non-consensual acts that he does have been experienced by people in real life in any extent, myself included. For me, it’s a personal escape from that, because it is an environment where I am prepared for those events and can control my exposure to it. For some, they are reminded of the reality they had to experience. Fictional universes are inspired by real life, no matter what way you look at it. Real life people are making it, after all.

I feel like I’m going in so many circles, but trust me, I’m getting to the point.

I- I can’t explain this enough but it is most definitely implied that Cordelia had raped and sexually abused Laito. If it was explicit, DL would be an 18+ game, but they cannot do that in Japan. I’m not going to like defend this point because so many people (myself included) have defended this point. It’s implications carry over into Laito’s character and why he’s like this. He’s a textbook sexual abuse survivor. I just,,,, cannot explain this enough. Same thing with overwriting the abuse of Yui. They get jealous of Yui. Sure I’d say a good chunk of people have ravishment fantasies here. At least the 18+ people in the fandom who are into that stuff. But oh my dear god, ravishment fantasies are super super dangerous to enact in real life. It’s possible to do them, but it would take years of building up to that point in kink. That’s a whole other discussion though and I’m not incredibly comfortable talking about it knowing that minors read my blog (I’ll also have to say here: no minors in kink--its alright to educate yourself but pleaaaaaaaaaase don’t enact on any of those activities until you are of age, and even so that still can be dangerous right as you turn 18).

But anyways, saying that Yui should enjoy this because she’s experienced the ravishment fantasy you’ve dreamed of? Oh fucking hell, if you leave that opinion and mentality unchecked and it goes into real life, that’s incredibly awful. Abuse apologists are absolutely terrible people, almost as much as the abusers themselves.

If you twist the narrative that Laito loves Cordelia or Yui loves the boys at the end of the first game, that’s still––ughhhhhhhh. Especially when it’s so obvious that Laito has so many mental issues with Cordelia. His whole monologue and breakdown at the end of Dark Fate definitely tells us that he has had such an issue with Cordelia. And MB+ Laito is still Laito. As for Yui, dude she literally goes through stockholm syndrome in the first game like it is so goddamn apparent idek how to explain this at this point.

Ok dear god lmao wow, uh I think that’s answering the first couple of questions?

The philosophy of truth:

“Truth” has been an incredibly debated topic in philosophy for years. Truth is more of a subjective item rather than objective. Sure you can have personal objective truths, but they may not be the same truths for others. For example, a tomato is red. However, that tomato is red to me, because I am not color blind. A red-green color blind person may see the tomato as being brown or more muted in color. That’s their truth. They can’t really imagine what red is (ok depending on severity of their color blindness), considering they have not experienced the color red in the same way people who don’t have color blindness do. God uh, here’s a whole ass essay about truth, I’m cherry picking some of the things in there that are relevant to this.

Basically what I’m saying is, truth is very subjective. However, there are philosophers arguing a more objective truth. But that’s a whole other discussion. Also, this isn’t to support any political opinion, but I can use that as an example. Let’s go for well... The death penalty. I’m in America, we have the death penalty in some states. Yes, this is a very controversial topic, and no I’m not arguing the ethics of it here. Just hear me out.

If you live in Europe for example (except in Belarus and Russia––ok when I looked it up they consider Russia in Europe and technically it is but also there’s the whole chunk that is not- lmao even the truth of geography can be subjective), you might be like “yeah what the fuck are Americans doing?” (a common sentiment that I also share lmao). But yeah, what the fuck are we doing? Why is the death penalty still in existence? Yes, there’s statistics that prove that it doesn’t deter crime, but even crime rates is caused by a lot of different things too. Even statistics aren’t always accurate, because of many different factors. They’re not objective either, although good statisticians try their best to get good results and not skew the data. (please try to see where your data is coming from and who it is sponsored by––it matters a TON)

I’d say the closest thing we have as an objective truth to argue the death penalty or not is money. Money, although the concept is subjective, is a very objective currency. It’s why artists hate “exposure” compared to “money” as sole currency. The death penalty is very expensive, and not even used that often.

So, although money is currency made by us, and is technically 75% linen and 25% cotton (in America at least) with some funky dudes n numbers printed on it, it doesn’t sound that special. However, it would be considered as a baseline of some type of “objective truth” in ~society~ because people are typically on the same page of what money’s worth. Even so, this baseline of truth is still subjective! If Bill Gates accidentally has a $20 bill fall out of his pocket, that’s nothing to him! But if someone who’s working very hard to make ends meet loses that same amount of money, it could deal a lot of financial damage to that person.

Ok, hopefully you guys kind of get my drift. There are a lot of theories of truth, I’m just explaining one (honestly I forget the name of this theory) because it is the closest to the types of truth we are dealing with. And in this case, it’s called “canon.”

What the fuck is analysis:

The concept of “canon” is the objective truth that we have when analyzing universes. They’re our bread and butter of interpretation and extrapolation. The art of analysis clings to this notion of an objective truth. It needs a baseline. I’m going off of Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle, because that type of analysis I have the most experience with.

This is called rhetorical analysis. Rhetoric is the use of words in a persuasive fashion, and the analysis part is a breakdown of how words are used in order to achieve persuasiveness. I don’t typically use a lot of explicit rhetorical analysis in my personal writings, but I guess a version of it. Which typically has to deal with intention and execution. A lot of analysis on language has to do with this. Language is incredibly subjective. Certain words carry individual meanings to people. I have gone over the difference between real and lexical definitions before, and I’ll do it again.

I’ll just copy and paste what I’ve said before here from this analysis:

To put it simply, lexical definitions are the definitions you find in the dictionary. This is an “official” and “agreed upon” definition. Real definitions (quite a misleading name in my opinion) is the definition that’s more kind of “felt” in a way and how you internally interpret the word in context (these can be through individuals or any niche group). What I mean by this is that when you say a word (for example) to convey a feeling, you usually won’t know the dictionary definition off the top of your head. You say that something’s “savage” for example when you want to describe something violent or gruesomely awesome (it depends if it’s in a slang context or not) but there’s many lexical definitions (and outdated lexical definitions) of the term. But the first definition that usually comes up is “adj (of an animal or force of nature) fierce, violent, and uncontrolled.”

But people typically don’t think of the lexical definition when they learn what a word means; they usually learn the context of it and apply it as such. And that’s what a “real” definition is. Laito has a differing definition of what affection and love is, and that’s his own meaning and what it means to him.

I’ll even add another example to that too. The word “cunt” in english refers to a vagina. That’s just it. It’s lexically synonymous with “vagina,” “pussy,” etc. However, “cunt” has a subjective meaning to it. This is where “real” definitions also come into play. Many people view the word as vulgar and dirty. And that’s cuz we live in a ~society~ lmao. Our use of language has shaped what this word means in a context outside of the dictionary. I’ll do you one more. The Japanese word マンコ (manko) is also vulgar slang that’s kind of like our word “cunt/pussy.” Sometimes I say “cunt” for jokes, but I don’t use it that often to begin with since it’s just a very strong word to most (albeit it’s not that strong of a word for me). However, マンコ is a strong word to many Japanese people, but if I hear it even though I’ve been learning Japanese, it doesn’t have that same effect as hearing “cunt” for me is (which still, idc if I really hear it depending on context) because I haven’t been shaped in a culture that uses Japanese.

Even so, tone, intention, and context is HUGE in this. If someone called me a “useless fucking cunt” when they’re angry at me, I’d be close to crying. If someone told that to me as a joke, I’d be like “lol yeah you right, bitchass” and if someone said that in a consensual sexual context, it would certainly tickle my masochistic heart.

DSLKFJ also sorry if you don’t like hearing that word, I just had to utilize a strong example for this. But anyways, now let’s change the lens to Dialovers.

No, it never explicitly says that Cordelia rapes Laito. It doesn’t. However, there’s this WACKY thing called being able to infer, reading between the lines, and identifying implications. Those are kind of all the same things. However, indirect exposition is used a lot in effective creative writing. The utilization of this type of exposition is more preferred when writing a story, because direct exposition is kind of referred to as “info-dumping” when used excessively. Forgive my jargon: this is just showing vs telling as we’re taught in every writing class. I’m personally very bad at it, which is why I stick to writing these, and stick to reading creative fiction. (NOT SAYING IF YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT THIS TO NOT CONTINUE TO PRACTICE CREATIVE FICTION, I JUST DONT HAVE THE CURRENT MOTIVATION TO GET GOOD AT IT)

Dialovers uses a LOOOOOT of showing. And even so, its “showing” ability is very minimal considering the Japanese language can be vague on its own, it’s medium (visual novel) does not show a lot of things explicitly most of the time (and even when it is shown it doesn’t convey a lot). There’s several CGs of Laito and Yui where it doesn’t show the amount of pain or the dire situation Yui’s in, compared to what she’s saying she’s going through.

When I made my whole breakdown on Laito’s HDB route from Yui’s perspective, I got several comments about how they didn’t realize how bad his route really was. That’s either because people might not have experience with verbal abuse themselves, can’t exactly see Yui’s body language except her head (and even so, her expressions are limited), or don’t know a lot of gaslighting/verbal abuse techniques/have done research into it. Honestly verbal abuse is kind of hard to realize, so I’m not calling anyone dumb here. Despite me knowing a lot of the signs, I didn’t know I went through it––and even so I’ve denied it. And that’s what is so effective about this game though! Especially Laito’s route! Because you’re also sucked in with limited knowledge because you’re seeing this through Yui’s perspective, and on top of that it’s isolating. You can only make so many choices, and I feel like Dialovers is perfect as a visual novel. You get caught up with a lot of shock value things that Laito says, which serves as a perfect distraction for your first time through. But anyways, I’m getting off track.

For example, many people found his Maniac 07 chapter to be very confusing. I broke that one down here as well, and even so I was confused at first (also I was like 14/15, dear god). It tells you SO little, but you know that Laito’s incredibly upset at Richter for some reason, and even so, Yui comments on it a little too. Laito is shown to still hate Richter in DF, but he talks about it a tad more.

Here’s a further example from my writings in that first part of the Cordelia/Laito analysis series but I have bolded the terms I use to convey this rhetoric:

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance.

That’s what rhetorical analysis is. You take the contextual meaning of the words, the tone they use, and extrapolate what they imply. On top of this, we know that the term “love” here is sexual, implying that they did something sexual. We are not given the details of this, but considering we know that Laito uses “love” before he rapes Yui in the game, we can infer that’s what happened (or something similar) to himself with Cordelia, considering he projects on Yui quite a bit.

I was going to go over what is good/bad analysis, but I think I’ve implied it anyways here. Utilizing separate information from different sources of canon in order to make sense of something is good analysis. That’s our objective truth: canon. I’m not saying I’m the best at analysis, but I am fairly confident in it. It’s how I’m able to attempt to answer some of your “how would Laito react” questions without it being specifically hinted in the game. You cannot cherry pick specific sentences and go off of that alone for analysis. It’s context. It’s reading tone. It’s knowing the characters attitudes towards things, how they speak, etc. There’s a lot going into analysis in general. I know I didn’t elaborate on Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle right now, but that’s for another date I suppose.

Oh dear god I hope I didn’t lose you guys, I know this is a lot of information, but if you have any questions/comments/clarifications, as always, please let me know!

Hope you enjoyed! -Corn

#analysis #ask corn

37 notes · View notes

justlightlysedated · 3 years

Text

20 Questions

20 questions, writer's edition, I was tagged by @lambourngb 😊❤❤

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

71! 70 for roswell and one for vagrant queen

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

468, 583!!

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

not entirely sure tbh, but let's count now:

timkon, bandom, glee, specifically pukurt, but some other ships too, merlin, doctor who, torchwood, teen wolf, agents of shield, runaways, the old guard, vagrant queen, and obviously, roswell new mexico

i think there might be more, but i don’t remember rn

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the cost of greatness, which i cowrote with marlo

a cure i know that soothes the soul (does so impossibly), the first pwp i wrote for this fandom lol

the person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger, which i wrote for marlo

for better or for worse (til death do us part), which i also cowrote with marlo lol

it might be your wound but they’re my sutures, which i also wrote for marlo

so the pattern im sensing here is that my most popular fics were written with/for marlo which sounds about right lol

5. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i am not sure tbh, i write some pretty angsty one shots and longer fics, but i TRY to at least give a slightly hopeful ending, tho now that i’m thinking about it, i think the angstiest thing i’ve written was that prompt fill based on the song, for island fires and family, i remember SOBBING the entire time that i wrote it (there is miluca in that one), but ALSO there is the fic i wrote in reaction to the season one finale, which also made me cry, which was called, we both know how this story ends

6. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

once again i’m not sure, like i said before, i try to give my fics hopeful endings if they’re really angsty, and i love me some hurt/comfort, but i’m not entirely known for writing happy, fluffy fics, tho i do TRY sometimes for certain people

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

yes!! i do love me some crossovers, and i guess i would have to say the malex, sort of doctor who au, i’m technically still writing for tove

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes??? but i’m not sure if i could classify it, like i’ll write pretty much anything within reason and if it doesn’t squick me out

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

okay, so like don’t hate me, but no, i rarely, if ever respond to comments, i just don’t know what to say at all, like i’m the type of person that really wants every single message to be unique and special, but there are only so many ways to thank someone for reading your fic, so i just tend to post things and then thank everyone for reading afterwards, if there is someone that shows up often on my notifications, or if someone asks me a specific question pertaining to the story, then i will answer, i also answer back if i wrote the fic for someone and they left a comment, and if i’m sent an ask on here about something that i wrote, but i am simultaneously the world's most shy and confident person ever, when it comes to my writing, so i’m so sorry

this doesnt mean that i dont appreciate every comment that i get because i really do, im just super shy and awkward and i may write good-ish, but i do NOT have the same way with words in person

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not really?? if i have i don’t remember it, usually i’m the one who talks the worse about my own writing

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, the only kurtbastian fic i’ve ever written was translated into russian

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yep!! as y’all probably saw from my top five fics up there somewhere, marlo @bestillmyslashyheart is basically my fic writing soulmate, we just really click when it comes to writing

14. What's your all time favourite ship? to write for?

atm it’s malex, which is more than obvious, BUT before they hijacked my brain and made their home within my neurons, it was skimmons!!! i wrote fic for them for YEARS, even after i stopped watching aos

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, i’m just gonna talk about fics that i’ve posted and haven’t updated and not any of the hundreds of wips that have never seen the light of day, my original witch au tbh, i just, roswell made maria and isobel somehow related, and just made me really uncomfortable with the ship, which is the main reason that i’m not gonna finish the fic if i’m being perfectly honest, there is ALSO that au i had where michael’s daughter from the future comes back to the past and she had been raised by alex, because of reasons that are petty, probably my space opera au as well, and only because i just want to write other things MORE

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i’m good at describing things, especially kisses, i LOVE writing kisses, it’s one of my favorite things, that and my fight scenes are two of the things i pride myself the most on

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, sometimes i feel the characters are ridiculously out of character, but then i don’t care because sometimes in canon characters are also ridiculously out of characters, also describing things, because sometimes i just feel like scenes don’t flow right, i am definitely a comma whore, and use dashes and hyphens in places they definitely shouldn’t be used, run-on sentences are my best friends, also english isn't my first language, so, sometimes the way i phrase things just come out wrong

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

tbh completely honest, i follow the nora sakavic method where you just write the dialogue in english like, “hey there love,” they said in perfect french, and i only break this rule if i actually know the language because just translating straight from english always makes things sound stilted and weird

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

dc comics, i wrote several timkon fics which i posted on livejournal

20. What's your favourite fic you've written?

oh, i know that love is all about the wind, how it can hold me up and kill me in the end (still i loved it), no specific reason why, i just love it with my entire heart!!

and that's it!! im not gonna tag anyone cause I saw that most ppl were already tagged, but if you want to do this just say that I tagged you!!

#thank you for tagging me!! this was super fun!!

12 notes · View notes

eadanga · 3 years

Text

Heartbroken Part 2

Summary: Chris gets his heart broken after being left at the altar. He swears to never fall in love again until he meets MC

Paring: ChrisxMC

Chris sat down on his couch as he typed on his computer. He tries to concentrate and get work done. He sighs and rubs his hands through his hair “Ugh those eyes I can’t get that girl out of my head” He shakes his head “Nope I promised myself I wouldn’t fall in love again besides I’m probably never gonna see that girl again best to just forget about her” He sighs “Though that’s hard especially a girl that beautiful” He sits back and looked up at the ceiling “But why do I have a feeling that I’ve seen those eyes before?” He scratched his chin Hmm hazel eyes

****

15 years ago…

“Ok Chris you’ll be partnered up with MC”

Chris packed up his stuff and headed over to the table an arm caught his

“Babe let’s ask if we can partner up together”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to be paired up with the another girl especially a loser like that”

Chris looked over at MC who was texting away at her phone and sighs “She seems ok you have nothing to worry about don’t you trust me”

“I do it’s her I don’t trust”

“It’s gonna be fine look if she tries anything I’ll switch would that make you feel better?”

“Well…ok just be careful around her”

Chris nods and sits next to MC who turns and smiles “Hi Chris”

“You know me?”

MC giggles “Of course everyone knows the school golden boy and star football player”

Chris chuckles “Right”

“You don’t seem all snobby and annoying like those popular kids”

“I keep it real I’m not like that”

“Good I’m pretty sure you would have said something like call me when it’s done”

Chris laughs “Nope I’ll do my part and you’ll do yours”

“Great we can meet in the library”

“That’s fine with me”

After class Chris heads down to the library. He spots MC at one of the tables and sits down next to her “Ok so what are we doing this project on?”

“We can both find a topic together I don’t want you to do something that you won’t enjoy”

Chris smiles “Thanks” He looks at her eyes they sparkled and shine “Not gonna lie you have the most beautiful eyes”

MC smirks “You sure your girlfriend would be ok with you saying that?”

“I’m just being honest honesty is always the best policy”

“Well thanks Chris”

“Hazel”

“What?”

“That’s what I’ll call you”

MC laughs “What? Why?”

“Because of your eyes they’re beautiful and they shine”

MC giggles “Ok you can call me that if I get to give you a nickname”

“Lay it on me”

MC thinks for a moment “Hmm I got it I’ll call you king”

“King?”

“Yes cause you’re the most popular guy, football captain, the school loves and worships you so you’re king”

Chris chuckles “King it is”

“Let’s get to work your royal majesty”

“Of course Hazel”

****

After the project Chris and MC became real friends they hung out together whenever they could.

After his practice MC waved him over he smiles and jogs over to her “Hey what’s up?”

“I brought you lunch”

“Oh great that looks good” He takes the food out of her hand “Did you make this?”

“I did”

“Oh nice this is even better than my mom’s cooking” He narrows his eyes playfully “Don’t tell her I said that”

MC giggles “Your secret is safe with me”

“What made you make me lunch?”

“Figured you needed it”

“Well thank you”

“Oh no here comes Nicole I should go” MC raises to stand up but Chris grabs her hand

“No stay I’m sorry she’s get jealous her last boyfriend was a jerk guess that’s why she’s so protective of me”

“Well ok but if she starts something”

“Don’t worry about it I’ve told her before I can be friends with whoever”

“Chris baby” Nicole skips over and kisses him on the cheek “Oh I see you’re with her”

MC grits her teeth as Chris sighs “Nicole don’t as I told you before she’s my friend you have nothing to worry about”

“Oh alright let’s go get something to eat baby”

“Already have food”

“Where’d you get that?”

“MC made it”

“Oh so she’s making you food now?! Why doesn’t she just marry you too?!”

“Nicole stop it! What’s your problem with her anyway?”

“I should leave you two alone” MC quickly stands

“No MC wait”

“Chris just let the bitch leave”

MC stops then frowns “What’d you call me?”

“You heard me and what are you gonna do about it?!” Nicole shoves her hard and MC shoves her back

“Stop it!” Chris pulls them a part then turns to MC as he holds Nicole back “Can you leave us to talk please?”

“Sure not a problem” MC walks away

“Nicole you need to stop this petty jealousy. There’s nothing going on between us we’re just friends”

“You don’t see what I see”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on Chris you can’t be that blind that girl obviously wants more than a friendship with you”

“You say that about every girl I talk to there’s nothing wrong with having some girl friends”

“No you only have one girlfriend and that’s me” She sighs “I’m sorry but I just don’t trust her”

“And like I told you before if she does anything I’ll stop being friends with her but she hasn’t”

“Well alright fine”

****

Chris walked up the to MC’s house and knocked on the door. MC quickly opened it and smiles “Hi Chris what are you doing here?”

“I came to give you some food my mom made it”

“Oh thanks”

“I hope you’ll take it as an apology for the other day”

“Oh no need to apologize Chris”

“I’m glad” He looks and notices boxes in the house “What’s with the boxes?”

“Oh Chris I’ve been looking for a way to tell you this”

“Are you moving?”

MC bites her lip “Yeah my dad got a new job in another state”

“How long do you have?”

“3 months”

“But that’s too short and I won’t be able to see you again you’re the only real friend that I have”

“I know I don’t wanna leave either not to mention go to another school” She smiles “But who knows maybe our paths will cross again”

“Yeah maybe I’ll miss you MC”

“I’ll miss you too Chris”

“But we won’t let your last 3 months be a drag I’ll make it the best for you”

MC giggles “You always make the day best for me”

“But you have to promise that you’ll keep in touch with me”

“I promise Chris”

****

On MC’s last day Chris helped her family move everything into the moving van

“Well that’s the last of it”

“Finally you guys have too much stuff”

MC giggles “Well if you had let me help you”

“Nope that’s no job for a lady besides why do you think I have these muscles for?”

MC laughs “I’m gonna miss that goofy attitude of yours”

“I’m gonna miss you in general”

“Hey I’ll email, write and call but if I ever stop I’ll buy you a huge dinner and pay you $100”

Chris laughs “It’s a deal” He shakes her hand then pulls her in for a hug “I hope wherever you are you’re happy”

“Thanks Chris I hope you live a happy life again too”

She got into the car and waved goodbye as it drove away

****

Present…

Chris’s eyes shoot open “MC…” He sits up “She’s back she’s back in town how could I forget about her?” He pulls out his phone “I wonder if she still has the same number?” He quickly sends a text

MC?

He gets an immediate reply

Chris? It’s been forever 😀

Yeah it has glad your number hasn’t changed

Lol nope it’s still the same

I didn’t know you were back in town

So you finally recognized me from the coffee shop

You knew it was me? Why didn’t you say anything?

Thought I’ll let you figure it out

You’re hilarious

I know I am your point 😉

Oh boy

Lol

So you wanna get together for lunch?

Is that even a question?

😀 That you need to answer

Hell yeah we have so much to catch up on

Awesome I know this great pizza place we’ll meet there

At 1pm?

That works for me

Great I can’t wait to see you Chris

Me too

Tags: @annekebbphotography @indiacater @the-soot-sprite @mfackenthal

#Chris Powell #Christopher Powell #tf/ts/tj/ts #choices tf/ts #The Freshman #the freshmen series #The Sophmore #the senior #choices the senior #the junior #chris x mc #choices fanfiction #chris fanfiction #chris fanfic

27 notes · View notes

dulce-pjm · 3 years

Text

get to know me tag game !!

tagged by the lovely @hauntedlilies !! thanks sweet m! these are always fun :))

as usual i rambled and got a little personal with the answers so you know all you followers keep building up the blackmail material i guess LOL

When is your birthday?

january 15!

What is your favorite color?

ahhh it’s always changing but rn i’m vibing with purple, pink, green, and yellow :))

What’s your lucky number?

7, 10, 15 :)

Do you have any pets?

yes !!! two cats and two dogs and i adore them !!!

How tall are you?

5′8″ (watch out jimin!! based on the evidence i have seven years left to outgrow you !!!)

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i haven’t a clue

Favorite song?

my go-to answer is always seesaw but tbh it’s so hard to pick !!

Favorite movie?

agghhhhhh how do you choose???? i’ve mostly been watching animated movies recently bc it comforts me so probably your name or monster’s inc :)

What would be your ideal partner?

...park jimin?

LOL in all seriousness... i tend to like extroverts and just people who are super passionate about something !!! both romantically and in any relationship!! honestly oikawa tooru is the template i would drop everything and marry him he is a precious petty idiot and i love him the most

Do you want children?

fjdslgkhsdlkfjlsd not right now !!!! i tend to not answer this question too directly because i have plenty of time to think about it and i don’t want to tie myself to any direction !!!

Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

lol no but i think after a quick scroll through my tumblr you could have guessed that

What color socks are you wearing?

no socks !!! unless it’s winter and i’m freezing sleeping in socks is a crime >:( but earlier i was wearing pink and purple socks !

Bath or shower?

depends !! but i never feel clean after a bath and still end up showering, the bath is just for me to chill

Favorite type of music?

hmmmm kpop, musical theatre, minecraft music LOL

How many pillows do you sleep with?

four !! SLFKJLDSGH lol

Which position do you sleep in?

depends !!! i used to sleep exclusively on my stomach but i’ve changed a bit and honestly any position is possible! but no matter what i am cuddling a pillow (with the other three piled around me) and probably holding my own hand LOL

What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

being cold :( i can deal with hot but being freezing is terrible !! i like to spread out but when you’re cold you have to like curl yourself up to preserve heat

What do you have for breakfast?

cold leftovers are the ideal breakfast <3 i used to like breakfast foods but most of them just make me nauseous now so i end up just eating leftovers or coffee/tea

Have you ever tried archery?

like once? like literally did one shot. was not good

Favorite fruit?

strawberries !!!! yum yum yum (after that probably mango)

Favorite swear word?

i don’t know that i have a favorite but i say fuck the most LOL

Do you have any scars?

yes !! i’m clumsy so i have many burn scars on my hands from cooking or curling my hair (the biggest one was very creatively named Mark by my bestie and beta reader @delayedimperfection). i also have several scars from my psycho/lovely cat on my arms and hands (and then i went in the sun after getting several of them and yeah they probably will never go away it’s fine)

Are you a good liar?

nope !!! especially if you know me i think my tells are just easy to pick up on!! i rarely win as imposter in among us :( tragic

What’s your personality type?

infp-t!! i think that’s what this is asking

What’s your favorite type of girl?

all !!!!

Left or right handed?

right !! my left hand is useless <33

Favorite food?

sushi !!!! it’s filling but a lot of food makes me nauseous nowadays and i never feel that way after eating sushi

Are you clean or messy?

messy !!

Favorite foreign food?

well i guess sushi LOL but i am always down to try something new!

How long does it take for you to get ready?

depends on how greasy my hair is!! anywhere from five minutes to an hour-ish

Most used phrase?

lol probably “oh my gosh” and “oh my god.” i also say this phrase that’s like from a specific city but i honestly do not even know to spell it it’s like gibberish i don’t even know

**update (not that anyone was asking) but i did some research and the phrase is jeezle petes!! it’s not exclusive to the city i picked it up from but that one city is how i learned it :))

Are you a good singer?

lol i’d like to hope so !!! i did musical theatre for several years so if i’m terrible well whoops? lol

Do you sing to yourself?

of course !!!

Biggest fear?

ummmm idk i am such a scaredy cat so i’d say most things spook me !! i guess i’d say abandonment as a serious answer and ghosts as a silly(ish) one

Do you like long or short hair?

i generally like shorter hair (on myself and other people) but i mean different hairstyles suit different people !!

Are you into gossip?

idk i don’t like to speculate and i try to always give people the benefit of the doubt but !!! if it’s me and my mom in the car well then no fucking mercy

Extrovert or introvert?

introvert !!!! if you message me first i’ll love you forever (also hence why i love extroverts, they balance me out !!)

Favorite school subject?

i love love love chemistry and any kind of science !!!! (definitely haven’t projected that into any of my fics no no no...)

What makes you nervous?

being in unfamiliar places !! i hate feeling lost or feeling like people can tell that i’m lost

Who was your first real crush?

fjdlsghsdlk idk... i have such a hard time expressing and processing romantic feelings that i’m not really sure that i’ve had one !!! my best guess is probably my best friend a few years ago but honestly i don’t really even think i had a crush, i was just trying to reciprocate how he felt SJLDGKJLSDGKH this is soooo personal anyways~~~~~

How many piercings do you have?

i used to have three in each ear but due to some unfortunate circumstances two (in each ear) grew in :( i plan to get them re-pierced soon though !!

How fast can you run?

GJLSDGHLDKF idk ????? i’d like to think i’m relatively fast because i have longer legs but honestly that’s such a lie i have to be in fear to really be fast LOL

What makes you angry?

hmmm!! tbh it takes a lot to make me mad, i’m pretty chill and usually i get sad/upset rather than actually angry! but the quickest way to make me mad is to like expect something from me and never communicate it!! i can’t read your fucking mind i’m the biggest people pleaser i know and would probably bend over backwards for you if you just told me GJSLDKFHL yes this is about a very specific set of instances <3333

Do you like your own name?

yeah, actually !! naomi is an alias, i chose it just for fun, but i like my irl name too :)

What are your weaknesses?

my crippling self doubt :’) also i’m so ticklish it isn’t funny. hmmmm i also tend to put other people’s needs before my own and then let them take advantage of that GHLSDKFJS it’s fine. AND i need everyone to like me all the time especially when they are mean to me (which makes me easy to manipulate unfortunately flsdkghdlskfj why am i giving out this info)

What are your strengths?

i think i give okay advice and i’m good at teaching other people things !!! i’ve also been told i’m very genuine and honest :)

What is the color of your bedspread?

grey !!

Color of your room?

lol grey, white, and then honestly just an assorted bunch of colors

this was fun !!! tagging @softbobamilktae, @moon-write, and @jtrbluv !!!

#tag game #hauntedlilies

9 notes · View notes

yoontopia · 4 years

Text

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗺𝘁𝗵 𝗽𝘁.𝟮 | 𝗺𝘆𝗴

pairing: min yoongi x reader; genre: fluff; words: 2k (lol what was i thinking)

warnings: none!

prompt: “Stay with me” + “Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything” based off this prompt list. requests are OPEN!

Read Part One

You tried to focus on the work in front of you. It was a regular Tuesday afternoon at the office and your surroundings were quiet – the whirring of the photocopy machine in the background acting as white noise. Staring daggers at the spreadsheets in front of you, your brain refused to absorb any of the information. Your ears were tuned into the humming of a muted rap coming from the cubicle next to you, and a sound that you usually managed to ignore was somehow the one reason you couldn’t focus today.

Ever since a couple weeks ago, when your usually noisy and annoying work neighbour had offered you a hot drink and his spare clothes, you couldn’t get him out of your head. It was after a particularly bad day, what with you being dumped over a text and then ending up getting soaked in the pouring rain. Min Yoongi had gone from being someone you despised to someone you were now constantly thinking about at work.

‘All because he was nice to you once,’ you berated yourself mentally. How pathetic were you? To let one kind gesture affect you like this? Although, to be fair, Yoongi’s incessant teasing had significantly decreased over the past couple weeks. He was almost nice to you – he still joked and teased you, but it was now in the form of cheerful workplace banter and you found yourself not minding it one bit. And as if that was not the worst part, you had started to notice the little things you had somehow overlooked before.

Like how Min Yoongi was actually a very handsome man.

Letting your forehead hit your desk, you let out a light groan. Tapping your feet angrily on the floor you sighed.

“You okay there, squirt? You sound like you’re in pain.” a voice piped up and you lifted your head slightly to see the dyed white blonde of Yoongi’s head poking into your cubicle. One earphone still in, the other hanging down his chest, he had his eyebrows raised as he looked at you. You hated how cute his scrunched-up nose was.

“Yeah, m’fine,” you mumbled, waving a hand weakly at him. The last thing you wanted was for Yoongi to read your mind, he was weirdly good at doing just that. Yoongi looked at you disbelievingly, but he changed the subject.

“You coming tonight?” he asked. You tilted your head, so your cheek was resting on your desk instead, facing him. That’s right, tonight was the monthly work social. The human resources department, in desperate attempt to increase inter-work bonding, had arranged these. The email reminder you’d received yesterday stated that this week it would be laser tag. You usually passed up on these events, not really being too friendly with anyone you worked with.

“I don’t think I will.” You told Yoongi, hoping he’d drop the subject. Was that a flicker of disappointment on his face?

“Well you should,” he said instead, returning his focus to his own computer and typing away. “It’ll be fun and then I’ll have someone to show off my skills to.”

“Skills?” you snickered. The typing sounds stopped and Yoongi’s head reappeared outside his cubicle.

“Excuse me, I’ll have you know I am extremely talented at laser tag,” He stated, mock offended. “I’ll buy you a beer so you can come, and I can prove it to you.”

“Damn you really want me there to show off your skills,” you said, chuckling, pushing yourself off your chair in order to go make some coffee. When Yoongi didn’t answer you looked back at him. He was looking at you with an unreadable expression.

“Of course, I want you to come, it’s not fun otherwise,” he mumbled, his face unreadable. You blinked, your heart picking up its pace. What did he mean by that?

“Fine, if you insist, I guess I can stop by,” You said softly, playing with a strand of your hair. His face visibly brightened at that, making your heart flutter when he shot you a particularly wide gummy grin. “Do you want some coffee? Black right?” His smile faded again as he looked at you, expression unreadable once more. You desperately wondered what that look meant and a petty side of you wondered if he looked at other women like that too.

“Yeah, thanks, I’d love some.”

You stared at the meeting spot for the social in disbelief. It was a bar. You double checked the email on your phone to make sure this was a place, but you didn’t need to, since you heard your name being called. Looking up, you grinned at perhaps the one person you knew slightly well at work.

Jung Hoseok made his way over to you, brown hair curling, and his signature wide smile on his face. Hoseok worked in human resources, and you had a sneaky suspicion that laser tag had somehow been his idea.

“You came!” he yelled over the loud music.

“I thought we’re supposed to go to laser tag,” you responded jovially. Hoseok made anyone around him feel comfortable, and it was hard not to be friendly.

“We’re going after this,” he grinned, raising the bottle in his hand at you.

“Drunk laser tag? Really Hobi?”

“Please the place is full of like, ten-year olds, we need that extra kick,” You laughed at that and accompanied him to the bar to order yourself a drink. “How come you’re actually here though? Didn’t think this was your scene.”

Your fingers clasped around the cold bottle of Blue Moon that the bartender set down in front of you.

“Min Yoongi made me.”

“Min Yoongi – as in – the Min Yoongi in your department Min Yoongi?” Hoseok stuttered. “The one you got into a yelling match with at the Christmas formal two years ago?”

“Yes, the very same,” you sighed. “Where is he anyway?”

“Excited to see him, are we?” Hoseok wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. You scowled and flipped him off, but he only laughed good-naturedly.

The rest of your time at the bar was spent with Hoseok, Yoongi nowhere in sight. Trying to hide your disappointment, you laughed at all of Hoseok’s jokes and forced him to show you pictures of his dog. What felt like an eternity later, Hoseok said it was time to head to laser tag. Downing your second beer of the night you eyed the boy next to you.

“I’m gonna go round up everyone – wait for me by the doors?” he said before scampering off to go find others from your company. You slapped a few bills on the bar and made your way to the exit. Not wanting to look lonely, you fished out your phone and scrolled through twitter. Not for the first time you mentally berated yourself for not being more social.

“Hey, you,” a familiar voice said, and you looked up. Yoongi stood there, dressed in what you could only call a stark contrast from his usual semi-formal work attire. A cream baggy t-shirt, and ripped black jeans complete with a leather jacket. His ears glittered with multiple earrings, dangling every time he moved his head. His platinum hair shined in the lighting. You blinked at him, dumbfounded, trying not to hover over the fact that his gaze gave you once over. You hoped your casual sweater and jeans were up to standard. “How’s it going?”

You blinked again. You’d never known Yoongi to be the type to make awkward conversation openers. But you played along.

“Waiting for Hoseok so we can head down,” you answered, putting your phone away. Yoongi pursed his lips. “Where were you anyway? I arrived ages ago.”

“With the guys,” Yoongi gestured to a group of people you weren’t familiar with. When had he made friends at work? He had seemed even more anti-social than you, but you had assumed wrong. “I saw you with Hobi and didn’t want to interrupt.”

Before you could ask him what he meant by that, you heard your name being called for the second time. Looking up, you felt your stomach drop – but not in the fuzzy way it had when Yoongi had arrived.

Your ex-boyfriend stood there, looking surprised. It seemed he’d just arrived.

“It is you!” he said and made his way over. You gulped. “How have you been?” Your tongue felt tied, but you couldn’t help the burning anger that was bubbling up inside you. Yoongi must have sensed your change in mood.

“Hey man, I’m Yoongi.” He said casually, sticking out a hand.

“Hansol,” your ex said, taking it, a questioning look in his eyes. “Are you two--?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi replied casually and you whipped your head to look at him. His face didn’t betray anything. “We are. Let’s go,” he said, the latter part of his sentence addressing you. He grabbed you by the elbow and began dragging you out before you could say anything.

Once you were outside you huffed, pulling yourself out of his grip.

“I could have handled that,” you said angrily. “I’m not a damsel.” Yoongi shrugged.

“That’s him, right?” he asked, and you raised your eyebrows. “The reason you arrived soaked to the core that day.”

“How did you know?”

“Your expression,” he shrugged again. “Haven’t seen it since that day, he must be some scumbag.”

“You still didn’t need to do that,” you said, although your anger was fast dissipating. “I wanted to tell him off.”

“Well,” he said. “Do it. Yell, scream. Say something – anything. I’ll listen.”

“I’m not going to scream at you,” you huffed. Yoongi flashed you a crooked smile.

“Don’t take your anger out on people that don’t deserve it,” he said sagely. “But you also need to let it out at some point.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” You asked abruptly. You assumed the alcohol in your system had given you the courage you needed to voice the question that had been plaguing your mind. “You weren’t before.”

“Ah,” he mumbled, scratching his ear nervously. “I’m sorry if I came off as mean. My brother told me that I was going about it the wrong way, but I think it was just a defense mechanism to tease you incessantly. Doesn’t make it ok though.”

“Going about what wrong?” He stared down at you; lips pursed.

“I’ve had a massive crush on you pretty much since I started working,” He said, his voice quiet. Your ears were ringing and suddenly your hands were feeling warm. “And I didn’t know what to do about it – and then I waited too long, and you had a boyfriend.”

“Hansol and I weren’t even serious,” you whispered.

“How was I to know that?” He stared nervously at you. “Have I made you uncomfortable? I could leave—”

“No,” you said, your voice still hushed. “Stay with me.”

Yoongi froze, hands jammed into the pockets of his jacket. You smiled shyly up at him. Before you could say anything else, he was leaning in, his hands coming out to cup your cheeks, tilting your face up.

His lips were soft and tasted like rum. The kiss was full of hesitation, but when you reached out to fist your hands on either side of his jacket and opened up to him, you felt him lean in, hands traveling to your head, fingers gently sifting through your hair. You could stand here all day getting drunk off Yoongi if it wasn’t for the rude interruption that came not seconds later.

“And what do we have here?” Hoseok’s coy voice sounded, surrounded by a few people from work who were emerging out of the bar, and you jumped. It seemed Yoongi was caught off guard too, for he let you go quicker than lightening.

“Shut up Hoseok,” you hissed, your ears going warm. Hoseok grinned as he moved his gaze along from you to Yoongi, who seemed to be suddenly very interested in the night sky. You reached out to hook your fingers through Yoongi’s, much to his surprise, and smiled when you felt his grip tighten around you.

“Don’t get left behind,” Hoseok said slyly as he turned and walked down the street. You groaned loudly and Yoongi laughed, a tinkling, delighted sound that sent shivers down your spine.

“I live just around the corner actually,” he coughed. “You wanna ditch?”

“I thought you wanted to show off your laser tag skills.”

“Are you kidding? I only said that to try and get you to come. I’m not about to get beaten in a virtual game by preteens in front of the girl I like.” He was smiling his full gummy smile down at you, and dazedly you thought you could get used to this.

#min yoongi x reader #yoongi x reader #bts x reader #yoongi fluff #min yoongi fluff #yoongi fanfic #yoongi scenario #bts #bts scenario #bts fanfic #yoongi #myg #writings

74 notes · View notes

bellamygateoldblog · 4 years

Note

So, I read a lot of your personal posts and I'm just really curious about you. You seem very stressed out and tired all the time. Are you a college student? Are you just in a financial situation that necessitates that you work all the time? I just feel bad because It seems that you do not absorb joy very much. Like, I have seen that you recently started watching that show The 100. You seem very pissed off about it and yet keep watching it? You confuse and intrigue me. Explain?

"it seems that you do not absorb joy very much" has been playing on my mind ever since i read this. It hit something close to my heart.

I know i’m not obligated to explain anything and i don’t tend to put my life online (i don’t have any social media, so that should give you an idea of how secretive i usually am) but i literally stayed awake for 30 hours straight before sleeping for 15 hours straight and of course i don’t feel very well after that lol. I feel like i need to talk through some things that i’ve been keeping to myself for a long time. Get it out of my head, stop carrying it around, maybe gain some control over it.

I never intend to make anyone feel bad though, but i don’t have anyone to talk to so i guess i sometimes make those posts as a substitute for someone listening. Or for me being pissed about the 100, i think that’s my mood translating into what i end up posting in general.

Anyways this is A Lot. I obviously don’t mind if you read it. Advice would be nice, if anyone has any.

I’m a 2nd year university student. Due to severe mental illness (often making me physically sick and exhausted) these last 2 years have been extremely difficult so that's left me in a very intense situation essentially just trying to ensure i pass the year. That means handing in all the assignments i deferred basically all at the same time, after not attending the year at all. Like no lectures, no workshops, no lessons, nothing past the first month of semester 1. It's really not an ideal situation and my condition isn't improving the way i thought it would (you know when you think ‘this is the worst it can possibly get’ and then it gets worse?), and i can't focus. I’m resourceful and naturally decently smart, so i’m able to still pass a year of uni without...going. I’ve become less capable over time but because of other life experience i don’t place value on academic excellence anymore and because of covid there is a benchmark anyway, where my grade can’t drop below a 2:2, so basically i’m good as long as i don’t recieve a fail grade on anything. But that being said it’s still really hard to get things done anyway despite this? especially with depression and concentration issues, because uni in general just makes me really unhappy and disrupts my entire life, and i’d rather do literally anything else.

I can’t function whenever thinking about school in general. If im stressed about something i can’t think about anything else and it ends up seeping into other things im doing.

I have a really clear idea of what i want for the next step in my life and university is the only route available to get to so that’s why i’m still going through all of this when i could technically just ‘stop’. I’ve explored other ideas already and it appears even more stressful and complicated to make a huge change now. Even though i know 3rd year will be harder (which is also a source of stress, anxiety over what’s to come when im already struggling...).

I've been talking to my uni the whole time and while they've been understanding and accommodating (psychology department...like...they Know lol), there's only so much they can do to help me. Everyone i’ve spoken to is genuienly amazed i am where i am, but imo my resilience is bourne out of pure spite not to let my life fall apart along with myself LMAO. I have one assignment deadline left which is tomorrow. It’s the hardest one yet, i haven’t started and i’m filled with dread, and i’m so burned out i have no idea how i’m going to get it done.

To give some context about the whole ‘i can’t help myself when i’m under stress’ thing: I’m a really feminine girl. I have health and beauty routines that i like to stick to, but i can’t stick to them right now so i don’t feel like myself. There is nothing more to my life than stress and depression. I’m pretty sure i experienced dissociation for a few days last week. It was like i didn’t exist.

Just so happens that when i thought i could finally have a break from the extreme stress there are exams coming up on the 11th, which my uni has for some reason decided to make harder!?!? And i need to tell you that because it’s been bugging me ever since i recieved the email. They've completely changed the exams from being 1 hour long multiple choice tests (multiple choice is so easy smh) to basically a group of short answer questions we have 24 hours (each!) to write and submit and it’s seeming like i’ve got another 5 assignments to do after already writing 7 in the past month. It’s open book while the January exams were closed but it still seems to me like the students who didn’t defer (who did the exams back in January) got an unfair advantage over those of us taking them now due to our own circumstances. So I’m confused and upset about that, and about the thought that i probably won’t even get a break before 3rd year begins.

My living situation doesn’t make it better. It’s a really negative and emotionally draining space for me to be in. Just adding to my being drawn to negativity, and my own sensitivity. And covid has made everything that much more complicated, with everything changing and being closed etc. I’m completely alone btw, there is no one i can lean on.

As for the 100, that’s really tricky. I actually stopped “watching” it last year and now mostly consume it through fandom tumblr. I'm just not in the right headspace to sit alone and watch such a heavy show (clearly LMAO). But I’m so comfortable in this circle of fandom & love my mutuals, so i stay. I am actually liking a lot about the final season, like they’re delivering everything i wanted them to lol, but it’s so flawed and easy to complain about when you have a predisposition to be a Negative Nancy all the time so here we are.

I think i don’t really talk so extensively about shows I really love because i feel like i don’t have anything substancial to say about them besides ‘i love it’? Like i just sit there and happily watch and the farthest i go is commenting gibberish love confessions in the tags of a gifset i reblog. So most of my posts end up being me being petty or something. I do want to focus more on shows i love but like i said...it’s so hard for me sometimes to be all-positive and pretend i’m not completely crushed?

I really just want to not be so stressed and exhausted all the time. I want to do something besides worry about and/or do work. I’d love to clean my space & take a shower & read a book without a nagging anxiety in the back of my head. But i have to wait it out, and then wait it out, and continue waiting it out because it feels like things are going to be this way forever or get even worse.

I’ve had a lot of good luck lately though, and i don’t know what your beliefs are but i think someone is watching over me.

15 notes · View notes

devourer--of--books · 4 years

Text

So, I just started to play Obey Me! Shall We Date

And well, I have thoughts

Im currently stuck on the first levels of lesson 5, so my knowledge of the plot is limited to that + some spoilers I accidentally got while going though the obey me! tag. Do I have a deep understanding of this game? No. Am I gonna rant anyway? Yeah. See me do another one of these soon after I play it some more, but for now, I need to put this out there:

First, mechanics-wise, the first thing on my mind was "Mr. Love from Hell", which is honestly not too far fetched. Maybe it's because I'm playing in my old ass tablet (I need a new phone, this thing ain't gonna survive 2020) but it's just so slow??? I've tried downloading full data, and it kinda helped, but still, it just annoys me so much! It's not crashing like crazy (cof cof Love Island The Game cof cof) but it could be better, it takes forever to get the itens to level up cards because it just ????????? takes forever for them to load???? anyone else got this problem or it's just my device? Anyway, that aside, I quite like it, if you played MLQC, it's pretty easy to manage, and while it takes a bit more of attention to win battles, I think that's a good thing. Getting shards has a been a bitch, like, I keep on suffering with the loading and my competitive ass wants to finish begginer's missions, and again I think Mr. Love has spoiled me. Also, someone please tell me how to level up skills, because I have no idea???

Now, moving on to the actual tea: what do I think of these boys?

Let's go in order, shall we:

So, I open the app and I see Lucifer in all his red and black glory, furry cape, Dom-Daddy, Big D Energy for days and go "Oh, Demon!Nobunaga, fun!". I'm immediately drawn to him beacause Nobu was my first ever otome guy and while I eventually grew out of the whole "this man is so controlling and sexy and dark" phase, nostalgia ya know? So, turns out the vibe I keep getting from Lucifer is more like all those dark-kinky-Jumin-Han-fanfics (as in, the only parts of Jumin Han that I hate) rather than Nobu? Idk man, this guy just seems shady?? They all do honestly but Lucifer is just plain scary. Dude, I know you've got the whole "most-powerful-oldest-control-freak" going for you but, like, can you chill?

Yet I can't really blame him, cause, Veronica (that's my MC's name) why, girl???? She be going up those stairs, and I'm just ??? Real talk, I'm kinda of a rule follower? I don't wanna make this guy mad, man, all I wanna do is hit on Satan (which we shall discuss soon) and see some family drama shenanigans. Lucifer says "don't go up those stairs" I'd be like "okay???" because up until now he hasn't given me a reason to not trust him (aside from being shady)??? But I have no choice but go talk to Belphegor (don't even get me started on this one) and I can just tell I'm gonna get in trouble for this. Could I not get there accidentally? Do I have to go there against Lucifer's direct orders? I don't think this is gonna go well, I just don't wanna get on his bad side hskshskshk

Lucifer's room, however, is everything to me, the deco is lovely (skeleton aside) and that bed, maaaannnn

Mammon started really annoying but he's been growing on me. I have a soft spot for dumb bitches like him, I guess? He just cracks me up? Not to be cheesy, but I like him as a friend? Maybe that'll change in the future, who knows, but for now that's how I see him, the best friend guy who is gonna be in love with you in every single route (read, Seven, but dumber). Can't wait for the angst. Looks wise I kind got him mixed with Solomon at some point (my dumbass though it was a bug) but all those Surprise Guest moments have me thinking he's way cuter than I gave him credit for at first.

I always feel bad for ratting him out to Lucifer, but boy, you and Veronica practically share one single brain cell, okay? I need to get my girl into Lucifer's good graces, I ain't about that troublemaker life

Levi is gonna be brief: No. He's not my type (otome or real life wise) and he annoys me. He reminded me a bit of Yoosung at first, and I'm trying to power though it like I did with him, but I can't. He keeps dragging me into his stuff and it's not cute, it makes me resent Levi. I'm not much of a tsundere enthusiast by nature, and I really don't like when they portray fans and gamers in this kinda "I'm weird, look at me I'm so weird and different" light ("have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? that's weird" jsjdndmsksjdnsmskdjnddm). It comes across (to me at least) as childish and dumb (not endearing dumb, like Mammon). Idk, maybe I'll change my mind? Don't come for me, Levi stans

So Satan

I love Satan

Otome makes you say the strangest shit hm

Still. I haven't interacted much with him but I'm obsessed with this man. Let me date you, okay? You look like posh book-cat-candle super model I wish existed. Let's be petty together. Since I haven't been playing long I hope I don't end up regretting putting my heart and soul into loving you. I'm doing all kinds of jobs to get intimacy go up with him, because guyghbkhiugiygufgfydddyghvjgvjg I'm all about that soft dom energy he has going for him, it's basically everything I love about Jumin Ham, but less CEO and more cute-bookstore-guy. Ideally, Satan is 100% my type, even if not the usual otome route I take first. Also, he is the Avatar of Wrath, which, along with Pride, is my most prominent sin, so I might be projecting

Pls babe don't turn out to be terrible

Kay, so Asmo. Asmo gives me all the Shingen vibes but realistic Shingen. Like, of Shingen is all about worshiping his MC, Asmo looks like he wants to be worshiped himself. Not judging, tho. That thing he said about loving himself above all things, I feel like it was supposed to be shady but I kinda agree? He's onto something. All this self-sacrifing thing is so romanticized. Can't we all be in healthy non co-dependent relationships? Love yourselves, kids. Which is why, while I said Satan is my ideal type of man, in real life, most of the people I've been with are Asmos. That being said, that's why he doesn't really work as an otome LI for me (at least for now). I'm here to live a fantasy of dating demons, not to see my exes. He is tempting tho. Who doesn't want a friend to do face masks and fuck from time to time, no strings attached until, "oh no, we both caught feelings, whatever shall we do" and then have it end well? (can you tell I'm projecting? my therapist is gonna love this). Poor Asmo, it's not his fault. Darling I'm sure you'll turn out to be lovely

On Beel, not much. I'm not into him, at least for now. his personality so far is that he's hungry. So what, man. I'm not here for that either. I don't find food particularly fun or sexy, it's just here to keep us alive (unless it's sweets, sweets are the best, but I'm having to cut down on sweets so), so he's not doing much for me. Gotta wait for that character development I guess

And to end this rant, Belphegor. Bitch, I've seen you on my demon cards, don't you dare tell Veronica you're human. But she's a dumb hoe, my girl Veronica, so she just doesn't question it???? I swear, this girl. Shady doesn't even cut it with him. Sorry, you're telling me what to do? Dude, lol, you're lucky this is Veronica and not me, because I'd be out of there as soon as you started this bull about me doing pacts with demons to get your ass out of that room. Don't prey on my empathy, it pisses me off. Spoilers tell me he's like a human-hater or something? Boy, fuck you, okay? Am I going to end up loving him? Who knows. For now he can rot in that room for all I care

Anyway, that's pretty much my first impressions of this game. I'll be playing it for some more time, until I get up to date on lessons and story or until colleges comes to drag me to literal hell, whatever comes first

Peace, my dudes

45 notes · View notes

merunicornwithbooks · 3 years

Text

I saw someone on YouTube doing this and I liked it so much that I had to do it myself. It’s the Anti-TBR Tag! Originated by Nicole and her Books.

1. A Popular Book Everyone Loves That You Have No Interest in Reading: Gonna have to go with Outlander by Diana Gabaldon for this one. I’ll never forget Diana Gabaldon equating fan fiction with r*pe so I’m out. (I always thought that argument was rich considering how often she makes sure her characters are assaulted but that’s just me being petty.)

2. A Classic Book or Author You Have No Interest in Reading: Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell. I think this huge romanticization of the South and the downplaying of the brutalities of slavery is at the root of the divides in this country. I’m not saying Margaret Mitchell is personally to blame but she didn’t do us any favors, either.

3. A Problematic Author Whose Works You Have No Interest In Reading: Cassandra Clare. I don’t know if her content itself is “problematic” since I only read City of Bones, I just have a huge problem with her personally. I remember her nonsense in the Harry Potter fandom way back in the day and I have a long memory. Feel free to Google if you want to know what she did but I think she’s scummy and I’d never support her writing.

4. An Author You Have Read A Couple of Books from and Have Decided They’re Not For You: Gregory Maguire. I’ve read I think three of his Oz gritty reboot books and Lost and one short story in an anthology and I just... I can’t do it. He has good ideas but poorly executes them every single time. Wicked was fantastic out of his hands for the Broadway show but the book itself was very difficult to get into. (Why must every. single. character. be so dull and unlikeable in the exact same way? How??)

5. A Genre You Have No Interest In OR a Genre You Tried to Get Into and Couldn’t: I haven’t tried to read this but I am never, ever, ever going to read Amish Romance. I don’t understand the appeal?? I’ve heard someone saying that it’s refreshing to read romance with chastity but idk isn’t that kind of chastity really stifling?? It would be one thing if the authors themselves were Amish but they’re not which makes the whole thing all the more puzzling and pretty gross, honestly.

6. A Book You Have Bought But Will Never Read (This Can Be A Book You Have Unhauled/Returned to the Library Unread): I sold my copy of a Jodi Picoult book, Between the Lines that she wrote with Samantha Van Leer when I saw Picoult was one of the authors “protecting” Sarah Dessen by bullying a college-aged woman off the internet for daring not to like Dessen’s writing. She was the only one of the authors acting the fool who I had on my shelf and she’s never coming back. I found a lot of authors I’m never reading from that clusterfuck, lol.

7. A Series You Have No Interest in Reading OR a Series You Have Started and DNF’d: I really intensely disliked the first book in the Grisha series by Leigh Bardugo. (I thought maybe the problem was Bardugo’s writing but I ended up loving the Six of Crows duology so that was a pleasant surprise! I guess that means she’s hit or miss for me.)

8. A New Release You Have No Interest in Reading: I had to Google for what the new releases are since I’m no longer a bookseller lol but I’ll say Nick by Michael Farris Smith. A Great Gatsby prequel? Hard pass.

#i need to earn the 'books' part of my username #books #anti-tbr #long post

1 note · View note

silverbastardgoldenfool · 5 years

Text

Realm of the Elderlings Ask Meme Thing

Created by @hermitknut and brought back by @elderling-magic

Thanks @blackandwhitemotley for tagging me :) this is gonna be unnecessarily long because I’m a messy bitch with too many feelings and not enough brain cells

Favourite RotE Book: God it’s impossible to choose properly so let’s just go with the one that always gives me flashbacks when I see it on my bookshelf: Golden Fool

Why: I was already deeply obsessed at this point and had laughed, cried and panicked countless times throughout the series BUT Golden Fool stands out because of the Fitz/Fool confrontation which all but gave me a panic attack. Sure, I’ve been overly invested in book characters my whole life but the fact I was like physically fuckin sweating just because these guys were having a verbal fight, which had nothing to do with the actual plot, is fuckin wild my dude. Also despite my distress I was thrilled in a way because I never expected Robin to address the homoerotic tension in the actual text - and I was even more impressed that she makes the Fool the winner in this fight. You feel for him (ouch!!!!!!!!) but he gets the last word and the whole time you’re on his side and wishing Fitz would just keep his goddamn mouth shut (unless he’s gonna use it to kiss the Fool). She makes you empathise with the Fool without compromising his dignity, without making him a pathetic pining gay stereotype. He is hurt, he is human, but Fitz is the fool in this exchange (forgive the unintentional pun). It’s crazy how this one scene defines this whole huge book for me but it overwhelmingly does. Man it fucked me up.

Top Three Favourite Characters: I’m excluding Fitz, the Fool and Nighteyes cos that’s just a given honestly and there are too many incredible characters to choose from. Also I’m going to choose three characters I think are exceptional on a technical level since that’s the easiest way for me to pick a few out.

1. Burrich - Forever fascinating to me because I disagree with him probably more often than not AND YET I love him so much. It’s seriously like I have the same relationship with him that Fitz does - and/or the same relationship many of us have with father figures. That weird thing where you can fundamentally disagree on some pretty important stuff, and he makes a lot of mistakes and probably irrevocably fucked you up in a lot of ways but you can’t help but love him because you know he’s not doing anything from a place of malice or pettiness or selfishness. He simply knows what he believes and is righteous to a fault. He’s always doing his best - whatever that looks like to him. There are so many things he says or does that make me amazed that I don’t hate him. I think in another series he is the kind of character I would hate. The fact that Robin makes me love him - and conflicted about that love - is a marvel.

2. Malta - I won’t harp on about this too much because we all know the deal. Malta’s early POVs were a tween nightmare. I had to skim them because they were so viscerally irritating. I guess it’s a huge testament to the writing that it really did feel like you were stuck in a tween girl’s head; the problem is that is the worst hell imaginable. It’s an even greater testament to the writing that, through some of the most masterful character development I have ever witnessed, you actually end up loving this girl.

3. Kennit - He’s such a monster that I hate actually saying he’s one of my favourite characters but it’s true. Especially from a writing perspective; it’s fucking witchcraft how Robin has you judging everyone around Kennit for falling for his charms even while you are in some way charmed by him. He’s intelligent, charismatic, enigmatic. You know he’s not a good person yet you enjoy spending time with him, you’re kind of rooting for him just because he’s interesting and you want to see what he’s going to do next. You even know - the narration straight up tells you - that most of his successes are down to pure dumb luck yet we still kind of buy into this persona of his. Absolutely brilliant writing. Not to mention his backstory, which is so tragic and compelling, and manages to explain his actions without excusing them. Without a doubt one of my top five favourite villains of all time.

Top Three Least Favourite Characters: Okay so again going for the writing angle; characters I just felt weren’t handled all that well on a technical level. Keep in mind that this is suuuuuper subjective. Also I can only think of two.

1. Molly - I’ve seen a lot of people assume that people who dislike her feel that way because she “gets in the way” of Fitz/Fool but that’s not true for me. I’ll try and keep this shortish because I have way too many feelings about this topic lol. Having read the whole series I wouldn’t change anything, but for a long time I really felt like the story would have been better if she wasn’t in it, or especially if she had not come back after Assassin’s Quest. Maybe that’s harsh, but I honestly just generally dislike the whole “first love, last love” trope (and in my personal experience have found it v toxic). I never found her character particularly engaging, but by the end of Farseer I had made my peace with her role in Fitz’s story; the way I saw it, she represented the life Fitz wanted but could never have. Of course you could argue then that it makes sense for Fitz to get her back once he is allowed to have a window of normal life - and that would be true EXCEPT the whole reason I saw her as a symbol and not a real love interest was because their relationship was TERRIBLE. It was seriously toxic and literally based on lies. I really felt what would have been healthy for Fitz at the end of Tawny Man would have been to find peace in realising that Molly was his past, not his future, and that what they’d had was teenage lust and not the stuff of soulmates. I don’t like the implication that Fitz was right to idealise this tumultuous, dishonest, immature relationship he had as a teenager all these years. Honestly this is why I was FURIOUS when I finished Fool’s Fate lol, even though I knew this wasn’t the ultimate ending. Now that I know where Robin went with this and that Fitz wasn’t really fulfilled in his life with Molly I don’t mind it as much but I still don’t love it. There was never enough of an honest, genuine, selfless connection established between the two of them for it to feel like anything other than an unhealthy fixation that Fitz projected all his unattainable fantasies onto. He never seemed to see Molly as a fully realised person which made it hard for me to do so. Also seriously, if I had been pining after my high school fling for the last ten years everyone would agree that the best thing for me would be to move on, not get back together with them. I’m not saying Fitz didn’t deserve his little bracket of peaceful years, but it just didn’t have to be with Molly. Sometimes not getting what you thought you wanted is the happy ending - I guess it’s just really jarring in a series that’s generally so subversive to get a standard fantasy trope like this. I really truly was shocked when Fitz got his feelings back from the stone dragon and his realisation was not “Molly is kind of just a girl I used to know a long time ago and our paths have long since diverged” but “yes no actually that girl I haven’t talked to in over a decade is my soulmate” like, wig in the worst way. ALSO SHE WAS FUCKING HIS DAD ALL THAT TIME. SHE BORE HIS DAD CHILDREN. HIS DAD HAD TO DIE SO THEY COULD BE TOGETHER. BRUH. Seriously it did feel like Burrich was sacrificed solely so these two little shits could get back together, and again, that was so infuriating and so not like these books. This and Burrich not being canonically in love w Chivalry are the only two points I actually get riled up about from a writing/critical perspective lol, every other flaw and quirk in this series I will absolutely pardon but for some reason these just get to me dude.

2. Starling - Promise this one is simpler lol. I always found Starling quite irritating “as a person” but didn’t mind her as a character. What I didn’t love was the way her lifestyle (promiscuity, independence, nomadic etc.) was kind of justified when it didn’t need to be, with the typical explanation that she’s only like this because she can’t have kids. It just felt really unnecessary, and it was even worse when she did get pregnant and basically just became a completely different person. But I’m generally touchy when it comes to female characters and fertility/pregnancy storylines as I just feel like they’re rarely done well. And I just really don’t like it when infertility is implied as a justification for character traits (usually traditionally male traits) that don’t need justifying.

Favourite Ship (of the floating kind): Paragon of course, we love a problematic fave.

Top Three Favourite Ships (of the people kind): Fitz/Fool, Sedric/Carson, Althea/Brashen (the only heteros whomst deserve rights)

Would you rather be Witted or Skilled: Honestly wouldn’t want either but if I had to choose I guess the Wit? I’d much rather be inside an animal’s head than another human’s no thanks bb

If you were Witted, what animal would you bond with?: If I’m still living in my current situation in this hypothetical then I guess a house cat. If I really get to go wild then I am absolutely bonding with a big cat, like a tiger or a panther IMAGINE THE SNUGGLES.

Would you rather live in the Outislands, the Mountain Kingdom, the Six Duchies, Bingtown, the Rain Wilds, Kelsingra, Jamaillia, the Pirate Isles, or Fool’s Homeland?: Dude I am so bad at visualising locations so idk lol, I guess queer utopia Kelsingra although obviously it has its drawbacks.

How were you introduced to the books? My mum had been telling me for years that if I liked A Song of Ice and Fire I would like Realm of the Elderlings. I was putting it off because there are so many books and I also knew how much she loved them so I was worried I wouldn’t like them and she’d be let down. But I eventually got so close to rereading ASOIAF (which I swore I wouldn’t do til Winds of Winter is released) that I decided to finally give RotE a go in its stead.

Share a quote you love: I don’t have a book on me rn but that part in Fool’s Errand when Fitz is talking about how the Fool has wandered into the place he’s been living for years and immediately, effortlessly made it a home is TENDERNESS BEYOND COMPARE ARE YOU KIDDING.

Tagging: if you see this and haven’t done it yet, consider yourself tagged!

Take the thing, copy and paste it into your own post, tag it “elderlings” and then tag as many people as you can that you know in the fandom.

#rote #Realm of the Elderlings #robin hobb

29 notes · View notes

anonymoustalks · 4 years

Text

You cant just oppress me for having different views, that's Fascism!!!!

(6-14-20) You both like politics.

You: heya

Stranger: Hello

You: anything on your mind today?

Stranger: No

You: fair enough ^^

You: any issues that you care about?

Stranger: Not really

You: is there a reason why you like this tag then?

Stranger: To talk about Politics

You: mhm anything particular about it?

Stranger: Anything

You: mhm do you have a particular political leaning?

Stranger: Fascist

You: ohh interesting

You: why fascism, btw?

You: I never really understood it

Stranger: Because it aligns with my values

You: your values being... strength? authority...?

Stranger: Strength, Honor, Spirituality, Race, Masculinity

You: I didn't realize spirituality was a big part of fascism

Stranger: Most people don't know anything about Fascism beyond something about the holocaust

You: fair enough

You: how did you learn about fascism?

Stranger: I read the Doctrine of Fascism

You: who is that by?

Stranger: Benito Mussolini and Gentile

You: oh is it good?

Stranger: It explains Fascism, it serves it's purpose

You: I guess so

You: are there like fascist communities out there?

Stranger: Not really

You: so it's mostly just you and yourself?

Stranger: I've known many other Fascists, but most of them are dead or in prison, so for now yes

You: ...how old are you?

Stranger: 29

You: I didn't realize that fascists end up in prison so easily

Stranger: Well we're Fascists living in a mostly liberal world

You: I guess so

You: I had a question about fascism actually

You: so... with many different fascist cultures... liking different racists... do you hate each other?

You: or do you get along because you're all kinda similar politically?

You: *liking different races

Stranger: Well this is a fundamental misunderstanding of our worldview

You: do you mind explaining more?

Stranger: So

Stranger: We don't hate each other even though we understand at some point we will have to kill each other

You: (wow that's dramatic...)

Stranger: To us that is simply reality, hatred is not necessary to accomplish this reality

Stranger: So why have any

You: I see

You: for me it's kind of difficult why so many cultures are transfixed with...

You: jewish people

You: idk

You: idk why the hate, in other words

You: *difficult to understand

Stranger: I don't hate jews

Stranger: The hatred towards jews came from the fact that many of them were Marxists

You: ah... I didn't know that

Stranger: Yeah I'm not surprised, most people don't know anything about Fascism but hate it anyways

You: what's your opinion of North Korea

You: are they more fascist or communist?

Stranger: They're just totalitarian. I wouldn't say they're either

You: so totalitarian =/= fascist

Stranger: Are you joking

You: idk, I really don't know much

You: I think of a long of strong personality figures who grabbed for lots of power in many fascist regimes

Stranger: Lol

You: sorry if I don't understand much

Stranger: It's not that you don't understand much you don't seem to know anything about it

You: yeah

You: so are there any countries today that are close to fascist?

Stranger: No

You: so what does a fascist state entail?

Stranger: That depends on the spiritual teachings in that particular race

You: hm...

You: I feel like I'm thinking about those religious states like iran

Stranger: What about it

You: idk just the wording of "spiritual teachings"

You: I think I'm just lost on what fascism means

You: like I think there are a bunch of countries that are fairly ethnocentric -- like I think Japan is pretty ethnocentric, right?

You: and other countries that have a powerful spiritual component

You: and others that emphasize a strong state power

Stranger: What's your point

You: do you mix them together and you get fascism?

Stranger: That's just right-wing populism

You: so what's the different between that and fascism?

Stranger: Fascism is not right-wing populism

You: So Wikipedia's definition is this: "Fascism is a form of far-right, authoritarian ultranationalism characterized by dictatorial power, forcible suppression of opposition, as well as strong regimentation of society and of the economy which came to prominence in early 20th-century Europe." which is why I'm a little lost

Stranger: That looks like it was written by a liberal college student

You: ^^ so how would you describe it then?

Stranger: Fascism is the syncretic blend of the Super-World and the Material world

You: umm, I'm a little lost by that ^^

Stranger: You're going to have to be more specific

You: I have no idea what "syncretic blend" and "super-world" and "material world" mean

Stranger: Syncretism is a union or attempted fusion of different religions, cultures, or philosophies — like Halloween, which has both Christian and pagan roots, or the combination of Aristotelian philosophy with the belief system of the early punk rock practitioners.

Stranger: Picture that, but with the union of a spiritual belief with a lifestyle and society

You: what kinds of spiritual belief?

Stranger: That obviously depends on your religious beliefs

You: I'm just a little bit confused about how that's different from an authoritarian theocracy?

Stranger: The Super-World is the metaphysical source of the material world, like Heaven

Stranger: Because not all religions are authoritarian in nature

You: interesting

You: it's quite a lot for me to wrap my head around

You: so if they're not authoritarian... how do they maintain a strong regimented state/economy?

Stranger: Why would they need to

You: well, I thought fascism wasn't very tolerant of per say democratic discourse

You: so something needs to enforce the ruling law?

Stranger: As I said, not all religions are authoritarian

Stranger: That is their problem

Stranger: They will figure it out

You: I see... do you mind if I ask about your faith?

Stranger: I am a Christian

You: is Christianity authoritarian?

Stranger: Yes

You: why is it authoritarian if you don't mind me asking?

Stranger: We can start with the most obvious

Stranger: Jesus Christ is meant to rule forever as King over heaven

Stranger: When the Hebrews asked God for a King, he gave them one

You: okay I see

Stranger: Here of course we see a strong condemnation of rebellious behavior:

Stranger: Romans 13:1-7 New International Version (NIV) Submission to Governing Authorities 13 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. 4 For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.

Stranger: This, is naturally and clearly authoritarian

You: thanks

You: how do you handle the many denominations of Christianity?

Stranger: Well if it was up to me I would have all of their churches destroyed

Stranger: Infact I would have all churches destroyed

You: I see... what denomination is your church?

Stranger: I do not go to church

You: okay so definitely not Catholic XD

Stranger: No, I am a Christian

Stranger: I follow the teachings of Christ, not the teachings of a church

You: mhm okay

You: so what happens if you have a lot of people who resist... your interpretation?

Stranger: That depends on the level of resistance

You: idk people who disagree on teachings that obviously I'm not knowledgeable enough to speak about?

Stranger: Is English not your first language

You: mhm it is

Stranger: What do you think "level of resistance" means

You: open rebellion?

You: protests?

Stranger: Are you a woman

You: uhhh why does that matter?

Stranger: This seems above your ability to fully grasp so it makes me think you are a woman

You: oh okay ^^;;

Stranger: Are you

You: so if I'm not, then it is okay for me to grasp?

Stranger: If you are not then you are just a very stupid male

You: sure let's go with that

Stranger: Answer the question

You: I'm trying to understand

You: I'll decline to answer your question

You: does that qualify as open rebellion?

Stranger: Yes

You: I see... it's not very an aggressive form of resistance though?

You: it's kind of petty, actually

Stranger: And

Stranger: "You cant just oppress me for having different views, that's Fascism!!!!"

Stranger: Exactly

You: hm?

Stranger: Are you autistic or something

You: sure

Stranger: You seem incapable of understanding basic things

You: It's not a subject I hear a lot about, so I'm asking a lot questions so I understand

Stranger: Good Lord

Stranger: I am not even talking about Fascism

Stranger: That is what I mean

Stranger: Your ability to communicate with other humans seems to be handicapped

You: maybe, it's omegle though so it's fairly low stakes

Stranger: Lol

You: I mean I don't think I'm wrong lol

Stranger: How could you even if you were

You: tell if I'm wrong?

You: I have no idea

You: I feel like it's hard to tell without other people telling you

You: and then you reflect based on what others tell you

Stranger: I have never relied on others telling me I am wrong to decide if I am

You: I'm not sure if "reliance" is the right word

You: I guess I would call it "feedback"

Stranger: I will be back

You: and then "reflect" on a day?

You: okay

Stranger: I am back

You: ok

You: can't find my laptop charger

Stranger: Let us talk about being stupid

You: sure

Stranger: Do you know why you are stupid

You: why don't you tell me what you think?

Stranger: Because you were not born to be a grand leader

Stranger: You are a simple person meant to lead a simple life

Stranger: In the modern world, because everyone is full of themselves and feed their ego incessently this is an insult

You: an insult huh?

You: so how can you tell if someone is destined for greatness?

Stranger: Yes, because everyone wants to be special

Stranger: A person that is destined for greatness is marked by 5 signs

You: I think Western culture is heavily individualistic

Stranger: 1. Ability to endure any amount of humiliation

Stranger: 2. Can see the bigger picture of things, and is not limited by the perspective of their life

Stranger: 3. Understands people well and can make them work together

Stranger: 4. Has the will and strength to endure all tragedies of life

Stranger: 5. Is not enslaved by their own personal nature

You: That's a very interesting list

You: where did you get it from?

Stranger: I just came up with it

You: oh, that's cool

You: the suffering and humiliation is notable to me

You: have you experienced a lot of it?

Stranger: Yes

You: can you tell me more?

Stranger: The list is too long

You: is there something that stands out?

Stranger: And most of it is not worth mentioning

Stranger: Because I have grown out of all of it

You: I imagine that it's not a bunch of small things?

You: it should be a big thing, right?

Stranger: The point is, I have moved on, it is in the past and that is where it will stay

You: I see

You: What do you mean by not enslaved by their own personal nature?

Stranger: "I'm tired"

Stranger: "this is too hard"

Stranger: "I want to have sex"

You: mhm okay

Stranger: "I'm hungry"

Stranger: "I want more"

Stranger: "I want less"

Stranger: If you are able to conquer your nature then you will master your body

Stranger: Think about Kings and Emperors in history

You: I guess that's good

Stranger: The worst ones are always depicted as the ones who only cared about pleasure

You: right

Stranger: The ones that only cared about expensive clothing

Stranger: Things like that

Stranger: A King cannot be a master of his people if he has not mastered himself

Stranger: This is why Jesus Christ went through all the temptations of sin, and the physical torture

Stranger: Why he gave up all his things and lived as a nomad

Stranger: In order to conquer His body

You: mhm

You: what is your life like right now?

Stranger: In what context

You: idk, just in general

You: it sounds like you live a very disciplined life

Stranger: I try to

Stranger: I am closer than I ever have been, at least

You: that's good!

You: so it sounds like you've been through difficult times, and things are heading upwards?

Stranger: Something like that

You: mhm that's great

Stranger: Well

Stranger: If I end up homeless it is still better than having a home without discipline

Stranger: So I don't think we have the same definition of upwards

You: homeless?

Stranger: You don't know what that means

Stranger: ?

You: well yeah I do, but how would you end up homeless?

Stranger: How am I supposed to know? Anything can happen

You: I guess that's true

You: you just seemed worried about bad things in the future

Stranger: Bad things?

You: You said "I don't think we have the same definition of upwards"

You: meaning that from my point of view, I may not think you are heading upwards?

Stranger: My soul belongs to Jesus Christ, what could possibly be a 'bad thing' when I already have everything

You: mhm right

You: do you ever get lonely?

You: without a congregation or anything?

Stranger: No I do not

You: why did you stop going to church?

Stranger: I had no purpose there except to see a girl, and I considered that to be a wrong reason

You: Ah, okay

You: what kind of changed your views suddenly?

Stranger: It is never sudden, everyday (if you are trying) a person becomes more and more aware of life and pays more attention. You eventually start learning and changing accordingly

You: mhm okay

You: it sounds like it's been a long journey for you then

You: and an isolated road to?

Stranger: I am isolated now, for good reason

You: coronavirus?

Stranger: No

You: because?

Stranger: Because

Stranger: It is easy to be a Christian when your friends are Christians

Stranger: It is easy to be a Christian when you hear teachings from the bible every sunday

Stranger: It is easy to be a Christian when all the events you go to are by other Christians

Stranger: I do not want to lead this life because of the people around me, I want to be a Christian because I choose to be

Stranger: I can only do this alone

You: it sounds sad to push away everyone close to you though

Stranger: I will give you a hint, there was barely any pushing

You: is there a way to choose to be Christian yet still be close to others?

You: oh

You: was it always that way or did something happen?

Stranger: Yes

Stranger: You just need to pick Christ first, and friends second

Stranger: I grew up with a lot of friends, so it was the opposite for me

Stranger: I am not rectifying this

You: Ah...

You: well, if you are happy now, I guess that's fine

Stranger: Happy?

Stranger: Happiness has never really been important to me, I don't really care about it

You: fulfillment then?

Stranger: Sure

You: okay

You: how old are you?

Stranger: 29

You: you live alone?

Stranger: No, I live with my mother

You: mhm is she well?

Stranger: She is fine

You: that's good

You: can I ask why you think the way you do about women?

Stranger: Because women are not suited to be leaders

You: I mean you seemed to think women weren't able to comprehend the things you were talking about?

Stranger: Yes

You: why is that?

Stranger: Because women are not suited to be leaders

You: I mean comprehending doesn't have to do with leading, does it?

You: They're different skill sets

Stranger: ...

Stranger: If you cannot comprehend it, it is because it is beyond your station

You: ...

You: I mean, comprehending a book is entirely different than leading an army

Stranger: This is exactly what I am talking about

Stranger: You are not even on the same page as me

Stranger: What I just said went completely over your head

You: Yeah it did

You: Are you suggesting that comprehension is essential to being a leader? That makes sense

You: But the inverse seems like a stretch to me

You: that being a leader is necessary to read books?

Stranger: No

Stranger: I am saying if you cannot understand what is being said, that is because you do not need to

You: oh, okay...

You: for some reason I had interpreted that as "unable to" versus "do not need to"

Stranger: Okay

You: so basically you believe people are destined for certain things?

Stranger: Yes

You: and there are certain signs that indicate you are destined for greatness?

Stranger: Yes

You: how does greatness manifest in different lifetimes and times?

You: I mean, you said for yourself that this isn't really a time for fascism

Stranger: When did I say that

You: well that western society isn't very kind to it

You: so it's a little hard to imagine a fascist society popping up in America in our lifetime

Stranger: So I'm here waiting for you to make a point

You: I don't really have a point?

You: I was hoping to understand how you view greatness

You: in a culture and society that doesn't appreciate your views?

Stranger: What does American culture and society have to do with how I view greatness

You: I sounded like you implied that you were destined for greatness, but I may have misread your meaning

Stranger: I am

You: so how will you be great?

You: I guess that's my question

Stranger: That remains to be seen

You: Do you have a sense of what direction it will be?

Stranger: It is more important to focus on the day and hour you are living in

You: that's fair

You: I guess it's true it's important not to get ahead of ourselves

You: I was wondering you had any specific goals or dreams

Stranger: Follow God, that is all I need to do

You: mhm

You: So it's kind of like God will show you the way when it's the right time?

Stranger: He always does

You: right

You: Do you come on Omegle a lot?

Stranger: When I have nothing else to do

You: Do you have any other hobbies?

Stranger: Training

You: working out or something more specific?

Stranger: Working out

You: Mhm I think that's good

You: does your mom still work?

Stranger: No

You: and yourself?

Stranger: I was employed, but I realized I was there for the wrong reasons and left

You: Ah... what kind wrong reasons?

Stranger: I was only going because I wanted to see a girl

You: ...Were there multiple girls?

You: The church one and also the work one?

Stranger: Yes

You: oh

You: And dating is sort of incompatible with your faith?

Stranger: No

You: It's a little bit harder for me to understand going to work for the wrong reasons

You: like I can understand going to church for the wrong reasons

You: but work I'm not sure if I understand

Stranger: How is it any different

You: Mhm, I feel like faith is different?

Stranger: It has nothing to do with faith

You: I mean I feel like you should go to church for your faith, not for romance

You: on the other hand, I don't really see anything wrong with liking someone at work

You: (or school or something else similar)

Stranger: I cant believe this has to be explained

You: sorry

Stranger: There was a girl at church

Stranger: I liked her

Stranger: I was only going to see her

Stranger: So I stopped

Stranger: There was a girl at work

Stranger: I liked her

Stranger: I was only there to see her

Stranger: So I stopped

Stranger: How is this confusing to you

You: I think I'm just not understand why you decided to stop seeing the girl at work

You: if you're able to keep working, that is

Stranger: Because I was not working

You: oh okay

Stranger: I spent most of my time talking to her

You: right

Stranger: And would regularly tell my manager to mind his business if he ever mentioned it

You: right

You: are you looking to get another job?

Stranger: No, I need to set myself right first before getting back into the world

You: mhm

You: I guess that's understandable

You: how does your mother feel?

Stranger: She is fine

You: it's good if you have a good relationship with her

Stranger: Yes

You: what kind of work did you do?

You: before?

Stranger: Industrial Labor

You: Will you be okay financially?

Stranger: Yes

You: That's good

You: I wonder what the coronavirus was like in your area

Stranger: I don't pay attention

You: how do you normally spend your day these days?

Stranger: Training and reading

You: What kind of reading?

Stranger: The bible and military history

You: Why military history?

Stranger: Because I like it

You: Ah okay

You: have you always liked it?

Stranger: Yes

You: favorite period?

Stranger: I don't have a favorite period

You: oh I thought a lot of people had a favorite battle or a favorite country/nation

Stranger: Okay

You: okay

You: well, if the conversation seems to be dying down, thank you for explaining things

Stranger: For all the good it will do

You: who knows, it was an experience for me, I guess?

You: in either case, I wish you the best!

Stranger: Lol

You: is it that funny?

Stranger: Yes

You: >.>

You: Why? Are you used to getting tons of hate or something?

Stranger: Because I am a Fascist. You hoping "the best" for me would most likely work against you

You: Mhm, I guess I'm taking my chances lol

You: to me you're still a person

You: living somewhere in America

Stranger: What does that have to do with anything

You: idk, I think our worldviews don't really align -- I kind of wish for everyone to find happiness

Stranger: Why

You: call me a pacifist or something idk

You: I dunno, do I need a reason?

Stranger: It just seems arbitrary to me

You: I'm not sure why I have the values that I do

You: they are somewhat important to me though

Stranger: They are strange to me

You: I guess

You: I suppose I don't have the strongest sense of self-preservation

You: I was slightly suicidal years ago

You: although I'm better now

Stranger: I consider people that commit suicide to be pathetic, depending on the reasoning

You: I didn't have strong reasoning, probably just generic mental health issues

You: in either case, having greater purpose of some kind makes me feel better

You: for me, being able to spread something positive is meaningful

Stranger: For me the only appropriate time to kill oneself is if you are about to be captured by an enemy

Stranger: If you are paralyzed

Stranger: If you can no longer walk

Stranger: If you lose your reproductive organs

You: These seem heavily honor-focused

Stranger: That is the kind of person I am

You: I seems like your honor means a lot to you, which I guess is honorable too

You: (my goodness the pun lol)

Stranger: Well

You: although I mean not sure if all of those things are worth a life, at least in my view

Stranger: I am a man, if I cannot protect the women in my life then I have no reason to live

You: I'm not really sure how to respond to that

Stranger: If a man cannot defend his people, then what is the point of his existence

Stranger: Seems pointless to me, better off just killing yourself

You: I think people can find things important to them over time

You: and I think we all experience loss

Stranger: It doesn't matter if they find something important to them

Stranger: They are useless if they cannot defend women

You: ^^ maybe some women don't want to be defended?

Stranger: What kind of woman would not want to be defended from an attacker

You: It is figurative in multiple different ways

Stranger: What?

Stranger: Why would a woman not want someone to defend her from an attacker?

You: I think some women don't want to be defended from unspecified "threats", if they have't asked for help

Stranger: So if someone is breaking into my home an tries to attack my mother, I need to wait for her to ask me for help?

You: nope, depends on the person

Stranger: It depends on the person?

Stranger: There are women out there that would get angry if you stopped a rapist from raping her?

You: I think I'm referring to less literal things than that, but I feel like this is a difficult conversation to have

Stranger: I do not find it difficult

Stranger: Again

Stranger: There are women out there that would get angry if you stopped a rapist from raping her because you did not ask her first?

You: I think I was somewhat reacting to this link: "If a man cannot defend his people, then what is the point of his existence"

You: If you failed do defend someone you love, I don't think they would want you to commit suicide

Stranger: You misunderstand me, yet again

You: likewise, I don't think that people always hold those expectations that men will defend women anymore

Stranger: A wife does not expect her husband to protect her?

Stranger: A mother does not expect her son to protect her?

Stranger: A daughter does not expect her father to protect her?

Stranger: A sister does not expect a brother to protect her?

You: I think there are circumstances that a husband can misunderstand what constitutes "protecting" his wife

Stranger: We are not talking about those circumstances

You: Someone more conservatively minded may consider that a a certain male friend that daughter has is a threat

Stranger: I do not care about that

Stranger: I know what I am talking about

Stranger: And that is all that matters

You: okay

Stranger: I am not interested in how others interpret it

Stranger: I am talking about what I am talking about

Stranger: Not how others would perceive that

You: okay

Stranger: So why are you bringing that up?

You: I dunno, it didn't sit very well with me for some reason

Stranger: You are against protecting the women you care about from attackers?

You: No, I think I had a different interpretation of your statement than you meant it

Stranger: What I said was very straight forward

You: I was just thinking of times when other people wanted things for me that I didn't want for myself

Stranger: You were thinking of a time someone broke into your home or raped you, and got angry at someone intervening?

You: Nope, we are thinking of different things

Stranger: What I said was straight forward

Stranger: How could you misinterpret it?

You: I think the mentality was similar to something else that I recognized

Stranger: So you accused me of something instead of asking me to clarify

You: Sorry; I think we just took "defended" to mean different things

You: Like for me I was thinking of the more figurative instances like: "I am defending your interests" "This is good for you" "That's bad for you"

Stranger: I never said anything like that

You: You didn't

Stranger: The exampled I gave were of paralyzed men or missing limbs or unable to walk

Stranger: It should have been obvious that when I said defending I was talking about something physical

You: Yeah, sorry, I think my own experiences just got in the way

Stranger: But instead your pathetic biases lead you into a conclusion that was erroneous

Stranger: Because you have a preconceived notion of what certain people are like

Stranger: Nothing to say?

You: Yeah, not really, sorry

Stranger: So what are you waiting around for?

You: I tabbed away briefly

You: I'm not sure what I'm waiting for

You: what about you?

Stranger: I am waiting for a response

You: I admit that I have baggage

You: I think a lot of people have baggage, and it leads to numerous misunderstandings

Stranger: I have absconded with mine. Why haven't you?

You: Hm? I don't always perceive it as a weakness though

You: I think we are the sum of our experiences

You: the good ones and the bad ones

Stranger: You are making me angry

You: sorry

Stranger: I cant stand when people blame their past for their behavior

You: what should I say instead?

Stranger: How about nothing

Stranger: How about you instead let go of the past and not let it dictate who you are

You: I don't exactly have a bad relationship with my past though

You: I like the way that my past has shaped the current me

Stranger: Why were you hesitant to tell me you are a woman

You: well let me scroll up

You: "This seems above your ability to fully grasp so it makes me think you are a woman"

You: ^ How would somebody not react negatively to that?

Stranger: Why would you hide it

You: Because I was annoyed for a moment and decided to be annoying in a brief moment

Stranger: Typical female behavior

Stranger: Passive aggressiveness and pettiness

Stranger: Did that annoy you too?

You: No, I'm not really that surprised anymore

Stranger: How old are you

You: 26

Stranger: I thought I was talking to a teenager

You: mhm, I've been told similar before

Stranger: Are you married

You: no

Stranger: Why not

You: why should I?

Stranger: Are you ugly

You: lol does it matter to you?

Stranger: Yes

You: sure, let's say I'm ugly then

Stranger: What do you look like

You: I don't feel any need to continue this conversation down this path

Stranger: Lol

Stranger: Alright then

Stranger: Does it make you uncomfortable

You: yes and no, but mostly no

Stranger: So what is the issue

You: I have my own moral standards too

Stranger: Do your moral standards prohibit you from talking about your face

You: pretty much

You: you can think of it as a high bar that makes it easy to define something black and white

Stranger: What is your race

You: loool

You: why do you suddenly care now?

Stranger: You said 'black and white' and it reminded me of something I forgot to ask earlier

You: lol

You: do you normally ask early on?

Stranger: Yes, it is important to know

You: lol I guess it's your fault for forgetting to ask

Stranger: Yes, so what is your race

You: I'm skipping this question and leaving it to you to interpret it in the worst way possible ^^

You: seems fun to me

Stranger: You are Asian

You: why would you think that?

Stranger: I am a racist. Determining race is inherent

You: it's kind of amusing to me that you picked asian

Stranger: Well if you must know

Stranger: You tend to take things a little literally, and you have a formal tone, and that is typical for Asians

Stranger: The way you respond to certain things suggests a very foreign cultural background

Stranger: All of that to me says Asian

Stranger: Oriental, rather

You: Fine, helpful of you to put it into words I guess

Stranger: Is it still amusing

You: Maybe?

You: I thought certain things were just me though

Stranger: So can you tell me your race

Stranger: If you are worried that I will make fun of you for it, I do not mock people anymore

You: nah, I won't share details

You: I'm a little stubborn in the sense that once I've decided something, I'm pretty adamant about it

You: but you are welcome to believe what you believe

Stranger: What is the purpose of not sharing that detail

You: it's an emotional defense mechanism for myself

You: there are certain lines that I do not cross on omegle

Stranger: I already said I will not mock you or use it against you

You: it is a rule that I hold myself to

You: that's not really the point

Stranger: Alright then

Stranger: Let us talk outside of omegle

You: lol and that is one of my rules lol

Stranger: Unfortunate

You: is it?

Stranger: I will not insist

Stranger: Yes

Stranger: I was starting to like you

You: I'm flattered, but I'm not interested in using omegle for those purposes

Stranger: What purpose are you referring to

You: mhm, getting to know people in the many ways that it means

Stranger: That is disappointing

You: I am actually rather distrusting and antisocial to some regards

You: in either case, I'm not interested in friends

Stranger: I understand

You: In either case, thank you for spending this time with me, and I feel like I was able to hear a lot

Stranger: Alright

You: best wishes to you and your mom!

Stranger: Lol

#omegle #fascism #misogny #racism #religion #transcript #strength #honor #spirituality #christianity #masculinity #politics #unemployment

1 note · View note

bigthighsandstupidguys · 5 years

Text

Thank you to the lovely gems @satans-helper @mountainofthesunn @beautifulcinephile @safarimama @gretavanfic for tagging me! <3

1. What is your middle name?

Raquel

2. How old are you?

27, yes I’m ancient in Tumblr years haha

3. When is your birthday?

Feb. 23

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Pisces sun, Aries rising, Scorpio moon.

5. What is your favourite colour?

dark greenish blue, like dark teal I guess.

6. What’s your lucky number?

7. Do you have any pets?

My kitty cat Padmé....and there’s Obi, too, a younger, misbehaving kitty cat.

8. Where are you from?

Southern Arizona (it’s a dry heat!)

9. How tall are you?

5′1 1⁄4 “(you will pry that fourth of an inch from my cold, dead, hobbit sized hands!) also all y’all are tall af! What gives?

10. What shoe size are you?

7 or 7.5 depends on the style of shoe

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

A reasonable amount, I do believe in having shoes for every occasion.

12. What was your last dream about?

I was trying to pair a body suit with a skirt or something to attend a concert, but then a “race of superior humans” took over everything and well, the concert was no longer a priority.

13. What talents do you have?

I like to think I’m a pretty good dancer...

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I have a strong intuition, I think.

15. Favourite song?

Today I am going to say Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty.

16. Favourite movie?

Probably Forrest Gump

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone kind and funny. A good human being who’s just trying their best.

18. Do you want children?

I think so, but not for a long, long time.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

I got opinions about marriage as an institution...but if I gotta get married I think I’d want it to be somewhere outside.

20. Are you religious?

Not anymore

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Not admitted, just emergency room stuff

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

lol no

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I met an actor from a kid’s soap opera in Mexico once idk his name tho. (and i swear to god I saw Travis Barker from Blink 182 at the San Diego Zoo once, could not confirm tho)

24. Baths or showers?

Showers (but Lush bath bombs are fun and fizzly and smell good)

25. What color socks are you wearing?

barefoot rn

26. Have you ever been famous?

no, but as a toddler my picture was used in a newspaper article lol

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Not really, I just want to be able to wear gorgeous gowns and walk down a red carpet and pose haha. And also be interviewed, I pretend I’m interviewed a lot in my head.

28. What type of music do you like?

I listen to a little bit of everything in spanish and english, but mostly pop, rock, soft rock, oldies, r&b, hip hop. Like shoes, there is also a playlist for every occasion.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

NOT YET!

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

four

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

on my tummy, arms under my head, making a four with my legs (if you know, you know)

32. How big is your house?

big enough

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

an egg dish of some kind.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

nerf gun lol

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No, but my middle school BF, Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood was really good at that.

36. Favorite clean word?

luscious

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

24 hours i think

39. Do you have any scars?

Oh, ya...thanks Padmé

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Not that I know of...

41. Are you a good liar?

Ha! No! My best friend says my voice gets two octaves higher when I’m lying haha

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I believe so, yes.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

I mean, I’ve tried to do British, that’s what happens when you grow up watching LOTR, Harry Potter, and Pirates of the Caribbean over and over lol

44. Do you have a strong accent?

My Spanish and English are unaccented, but i’m sure when i travel to other parts of the country they know I’m “not from ‘round these parts.”

45. What is your favourite accent?

One time I heard a man from Holland speak and I’ve never heard an accent as beautiful since. But usually I like New Zealand accents.

46. What is your personality type?

Chill and funny.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Probably my faux leather jacket

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right-handed?

right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Fuck yeah, especially tarantulas.

52. Favourite food?

Egg rolls

53. Favourite foreign food?

Chinese

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

My personal spaces are messy...there is order in the chaos, though.

55. Most used phrase?

“You guys are bad, bad kitties.”

56. Most used word?

“Ubie” one of the many nicknames for my younger brother.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

about 30 minutes

58. Do you have much of an ego?

it exists and is a fickle thing

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

suck and then bite when it’s been weakened lol

60. Do you talk to yourself?

oh yeah

61. Do you sing to yourself?

mmhmm

62. Are you a good singer?

no, not really, but that ain’t gonna stop me

63. Biggest Fear?

living an inauthentic, unfulfilling life.

64. Are you a gossip?

I like to listen to tea being spilled, I just really like a good story.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

The Prestige

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Long

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

I think so

68. Favourite school subject?

History/English

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

71. What makes you nervous?

being thrown into unfamiliar situations

72. Are you scared of the dark?

No (my best friend slept with a night light when we were growing up and it was the worst part of sleeping over, but I weaned her off of it eventually!)

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Sure, kindly, the same way I’d like to be corrected.

74. Are you ticklish?

yes

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

yeah, at work. it’s weird, I do not feel like the kind of person who should be in a leadership position. I’ve always thought that was a thing for loud, confident people haha

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeah

78. Have you ever done drugs?

like weed/edibles lol

79. Who was your first real crush?

Cody in fourth and fifth grade.

80. How many piercings do you have?

seven

81. Can you roll your R’s?

Yes

82. How fast can you type?

pretty fast

83. How fast can you run?

Like if I have a good reason to, my ass will sprint fast.

84. What colour is your hair?

It’s naturally a dark brown, but right now the roots are dark and the rest is lighter because i’m a dumbass who wanted rose gold hair

85. What color is your eyes?

dark brown

86. What are you allergic to?

I think the combination of avocado and tomato causes some kind of reaction because every time I eat it, my lips feel all tingly and swollen.

87. Do you keep a journal?

I have a lot of journals that I occasionally will write in.

88. What do your parents do?

Their best. lol. My dad is a facilities director and my mom can’t work because of her chronic illnesses. But she was a teacher in Mexico, and worked at all kinds of things here before her health got too bad.

89. Do you like your age?

Sure

90. What makes you angry?

assholes lol people who don’t realize or care about the fact that we’re all on the same damn rock with the same needs.

91. Do you like your own name?

I do, yes.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

haha I really like the name Agustín

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

doesn’t matter

94. What are you strengths?

i’m compassionate and love deeply

95. What are your weaknesses?

i’m compassionate and love deeply lmao jk. It can be difficult to set boundaries

96. How did you get your name?

Named after both my grandmothers, they were quite different women and I think I got some of the best stuff from both.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not likely, probably more like merchants. I’m convinced my mom’s side of the family left Spain because of some shaddy stuff haha or to incest in peace lmao

98. Do you have any scars?

Yeah, thanks Padmé

99. Colour of your bedspread?

It’s summer so i’m only using a flat sheet right now, it’s purple.

100. Colour of your room?

blue, specifically the shade azure

Tagging: @lazingonsunday @lantern-inthenight @gretavanfleetlife @littlegeekwonder @dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade @eatmyshiftsticky @jeordinevankiszka @myownparadise96 @michaalien @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank @okietrish @thebatphone

#about me #tag game #this was long but fun lol

11 notes · View notes

musicrunsthroughmysoul · 5 years

Text

Tagged

I did one of these recently but this one has more questions so I guess I’ll do it, anyway! :D Thank you for the tag dear @buddyhollyscurls ♥

Rules: answer 30 questions tag 10 blogs and post as a textpost

1. Nickname: Lovely? With or without ‘Lily’ attached to it? :p

2. Gender: female

3. Star sign: Taurus

4. Height: 5′0″

5. Time: 5:32pm

6. Birthday: April 27th

7. Fave bands: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Fleetwood Mac, Heart, Journey, The Beatles, The Police, CCR, L7, Pearl Jam, Concrete Blonde, Thunderpussy, we’ll be here all day if I list more...

8. Fave solo artist: Janis Joplin, Stevie Nicks, Linda Ronstadt, Cyndi Lauper, Alice Bag, Tracy Chapman, Tom Petty, Michael Jackson, again we’ll be here all day if I have to list more...!

9. Song stuck in your head: I didn’t have one stuck in my head before but now that I read this question it’s “Crossroads” by Tracy Chapman (her songs get stuck in my head so easily! And I’m not a bit mad about it!)

10. Last movie watched: I think it was Coraline...I haven’t watched anything in a week or so, I guess. :p

11. Last show watched: Oh wait, I started rewatching random episodes of Brooklyn Nine Nine so I guess I have watched something in the past week?

12. When did I create my blog: September 2014

13. What do I post: Music, feminism, activism/social justice issues, personal stuff, sometimes I post my writing... Otherwise, whatever I feel like. :p

14. Last thing I googled: I dunno, I haven’t looked anything up yet today. :p But in prediction, I am soon gonna look up “Lucinda Williams discogs” so there’s that bit of info for ya.

15. Do you have any blogs: This one, @takealittlepieceoftheirhearts, @quietworldofwhiteandgold (which I should delete or else revamp and turn into a Heartbreakers/TPATH blog probably...but I’m sure Stevie would still have her presence ;)), and my personal writing blog.

16. Do you get asks: not very often, but if I do, usually by friends. :) ♥

17. Why did you choose your url: Because my favorite line from “King of Pain” (which is my second favorite song ever) was taken and I think by now it’s probably pretty obvious that I feel music with not just my physical body. So yeah. Had to represent that somehow!

18. Following blogs: 506

19. Followers: 1,117 (WHO ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE and where did you come from? Nice to have you here. Even if probably 3/4 of you are pornbots. LMAO Fuck you and your censorship failure, Tumblr.)

20. Fave colour: green but I also really love teal? Like, I really love teal. I never really realized it, but I like it a lot. Same with turquoise, I think.

21. Average hours of sleep: between 6-9 hours. :p

22. Piercings?: Just one in each ear

23. Instruments: piano, by ear. I don’t practice singing enough anymore for me to really consider it an instrument I use. :( SO SAD, SO SAD. I also miss being in choir. Man...the regrets. (Well...sort of.)

24. Favorite book: Ask the Passengers by A.S. King and The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

25. How many blankets do you sleep with: 5 ‘cause it’s fucking cold in WA and also it enables me to not have to keep the heat on while I’m sleeping.

26. Dream job: Novelist or MAYBE short story writer? But also...music writer. But not exactly like a journalist because I’ve never taken a journalism class and I’d rather not start. :p That divide between creative writers and journalists is real. BESIDES: creative nonfiction is a thing and it’s actually a thing I like a lot, so we’ll consider it to be in that vein.

27. Dream trip: Scotland

28. Fave food: Hamburgers and burritos

29. Nationality: American

30. Current fave song: um, my favorite songs don’t tend to change, so I’ll say “Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty.

Since I did something like this recently I don’t feel like tagging anybody, but if you see this and you’d like to do it, feel free to tag me in it and say “I BLAME YOU FOR MAKING ME DO THIS” because that’s a measure of guilt I’m okay with taking on. LOL (And hopefully it’s enjoyable for you so then the guilt isn’t actually so bad. Sounds good to me!)

#tagged #about me

8 notes · View notes

divine-identite · 5 years

Text

Shipping Info Meme

Answer the following for your muse so people know how shipping works on your blog.

Oh boy, this is going to be wordy. Placing this under a read more.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER?:

I have like a few in terms of Romantic. My Caius, branching into canon and uncanon:

- Caius and Yeul: Not romantically, familial PLATONIC - my boy is not a map, do not confuse this shit as romantic. I enjoy this ship because there will only be a few times you get to see Caius be gentle. Understanding and protective of Yeul. Sadly I don't have a Yeul to do longterm plotting on what could be so I don't sadly get to flesh out what could be with the characters. So the ship has ended but still a fave.

- Caius and Moana: Another familial platonic. Another huge ship I've had on my blog for like a year or two, it’s not hugely advertised but something you’ll see on my blog. Now I and the mun have already talked about the prospects of this ship and how amazing it will be. Caius being like a secondary dad, who trains and prepares Moana seemingly boring things, but pays off in the end. Watching as she grows up, maturing into a woman and later into a chief. It’s like watching your garden just grow into a fabulous array of colours of vivid beauty, swirling into a radiant cosmos beyond the blackness betwixt stars. Im, sure there will be fluff and a lot of angst into this though. But I think Caius would be proud but at the same time at peace seeing her grow up. Though it's amusing she hit him with a paddle though lol. But still the mun/ muse are a complete gourmet coffee ( equivalent to cinnamon); made from the finest ingredients, warmed to delightful temperature and quite welcomed at any time of the day. To this ii’ll add @blessedbycrystal and @indrikis as well @oceanschiild

- Caius and Fujin: Ah yes the potato and eggplant curry. I and the mun have completely made so many routes, alternatives and main that we wish to explore. Even work extensively on the development of the characters, marking down all fluff and angst, anything between. We plotted heavily made headcanons on our ships that we’ve now plotted and every now and then would publish lol ( i know it's my turn to make something lol). The soulmate AU is probably the longest au we’ve had for like 3 -4 years now? and then we’ve decided to release a Pacific Rim AU we’ve cooked up. Another amusing factor is that none of the characters did like another - at all by any means when we started it. It was just insane indifferent between the other like, whatever let's keep this moving, don't know don't care - how they're pretty invested in another now is quite amusing. So much how its funny how to stoic people interact with another is quite interesting. @fujxn

- Caiu and Alex: We’ve sunk so much time into this ship. Despite the opposite personalities they’ve become a long way actually until now and made a lot of progress. So far its been under the opposites attract rule so far quite a lot of silliness involved lol but it works well with what is given with the ship. A lof cat beats person up, and also dealing with Alex’s episode of insomnia as well! You’ll probably find a lot of cooking to be more involved with this ship than any other ones I feel since you may end up seeing them owning a cooking store. @blessedfate

- Caius and Kuvira: PROBABLY A BAD SHIP XD not bad as in bad - but Kuvira is just so salty and unyielding. Though the hate is subtly dying down thus far but Kuvira still - well going to be kuvira. The ship is a slow burner but I and the mun have talked extensively about the ship. Though kuvira still does throw rocks at him - and to this day still tries her best to man-handle him despite him literally towering over her all the time. The crack episode between the two is great and you can tell that despite some of the vitriol - there is some fun. All the hate is just one sided on Kuvira’s side and Caius either doesn't care or doesn't know, which might explain is indifferent. Thought I think this may be why its just hard to make him into an enemy when he doesn't see you worth holding a grudge on really. When it comes between who is the queen of pettiness; between all my ships I think I’ll crown Kuvira for this one lol. @thegreatunxter

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO WRITE WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?

Anything. Relationships aren’t static, people’s lives have dynamic changes and events that influence their behaviour on a regular basis. I am a huge fan of exploring the development of the bond they have. Come at me with domestic events, angst, supporting each other through trouble, courting, you name it.

I’m open to anything. Relations are especially hard to get, familial takes time to build up to but I suggest long as the ship is dynamic than it’ll work just fine - coupled with chemistry on both sides. I am quite open to exploration of any angle, angst, fluff and anything in between.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

Strongly prefer in the 20′s + I know 18 is like you’re a legal status, however, my muse is immortal. Your muse practically will be dating an ancient relict from the past, or some old bottled wine that’s aged wonderfully.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

Yes with romantic, no isues with platonic. Let this be hewn into your minds. Caius isn't mean for everyone. There is a lot of issues involving Caius that I've heard and aware - he’s slow to open up, he's cold, he doesn't act like he likes this person, he acts heartless and many more. It’s a list really and probably won't express this. If you are coming with these expectations of my muse, he is not for you. If you want something fast and simple relationship between the two - he’s just not for you in that matter. He’s a man that’s been through a lot and probably very slow of just opening up to people.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW?

Moment clothes come off or when touching goes elsewhere. However, if its kept fade to black then that is fine.

WHO ARE OTHER THE CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

I don't really have many romantics for Caius like that anymore but I guess; Caius/ Light ( my interest in Cairai is meh after 5 years) Caius/ Fang (not as bad as Cairai but its okay).

In terms of Platonic, anyone really - Caius even extends his hand to welcome you.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:

Yes, I would greatly prefer you bring this to many attention so we can talk about it and what not. That and give you details so we can disillusion any expectations and come to a realistic circumstance. That or normally just AU’s.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?

Not as much as you would think really, I usually do some looking into before I seal the deal. That and im not so hyperactive due to work so - im just a ghost somewhat lol.

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:

Depends really, if something is convincing and has me enjoying it’s possible I could become ship obsessed. But now these days Nah not so much, maybe I was more prone to like a few years back now.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?

Of course, im open to anything just as you should have your own parents. I only ask if there is an issue you bring up to me. I thought I would be doing single ship - hmmm haven't found a person I could rest my laurels on like that really, That and im slow in responses now these days.

WHAT IS/ARE YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP(S) IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:

Garnet/ Zidane, Yuna/Tidus, I do like 9S/2B as well very good combo. All I could think of that interested me

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:

Ask

Tagged by: @asouldivided , Moonpie guy

Tagging: anyone really

#headcanons: █ ▌◆ ❝ Sleepsong ❞#longpost #long post #tw longpost #longpost tw

8 notes · View notes