#i am using it here in the EXACT way it is NOT a slur !! i am identifying as a queer person!
Text
it is hard to explain without sounding vain or stupid - but the more attractive others find you, the more you're allowed to do. the easier your life is.
i have been on both sides of this. i am queer and cuban. i grew up poor. for a long time i didn't know "how" to dress - and i still don't. i make my sister pick out any important outfits. i have adhd in spades: i was never "cool and quiet", i was the weird kid who didn't understand how "normal" people behave. i was bullied so hard that the "social outcasts" wouldn't even talk to me.
i got my teeth straightened. i cut my hair and learned how to style it. i got into makeup. it didn't matter, at first, if i actually liked what i was doing - it mattered how people responded to it. like a magic trick; the right dress and winged eyeliner and suddenly i was no longer too weird for all of it. i could wear the ugly pokemon shirt and it was just "ironic" or a "cute interest."
when i am seen as pretty, people listen. they laugh at my jokes. they allow me to be weird and a little spacey. i can trust that if i need something, people will generally help me. privilege suddenly rushes in: pretty does buy things. pretty people get treated more gently.
i am the same ugly little girl, is the thing. still odd. still not-quite-fitting-in. still scrambling. still angry and afraid and full of bad things. of course it became my obsession. of course i stopped eating. i had seen, in real time, the exact way it could change my life - simply always be perfect, and things can be easy. people will "overlook" all the other things. i used to have panic attacks at the idea others would see me without makeup - what would they think? even for a simple friend hangout, i'd spend a few hours getting ready. after all, it seemed so obvious to me: these people liked me because i was pretty.
i worry about how much i'm being a bad activist: i understand that "pretty" is determined by white, het, cis, able-bodied hegemonies. if i was really an ally, wouldn't i rally against all of this? recently there's been a "clean girl" trend which copies latinx aesthetics: dark slicked-back hair, hoop earrings. i almost never wear my hair like that; i can hear the middle school guidance counsellor advising me that i might fare better if i toned it down on the culture.
the problem is that i can take pretty on and off. that i have seen how different my life is on a day where i try and a day where i don't. i told my therapist i want to believe the difference is confidence, but it's not. and when you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it lives inside your brain. it rots there; taunting. i get rewarded for following the rules. i am punished for breaking them. end of story.
pretty people can get what they want. pretty people can feel confident without others asking where they got their nerve from. pretty people can be weird and different. pretty people get to have emotions; it's different when they get aggressive, it's pretty when they cry with frustration.
of course people care about this. of course it has crawled into you. of course you want to be seen as attractive. it's not vanity: it's self-preservation.
#pretty in this post is a stand in for . literally all forms of normativity#warm up#tbd maybe idk#ps! hi!! i'm queer!!!!!!!!! it is how i identify! if you tag this 'q slur' i will fight you!!!#i am using it here in the EXACT way it is NOT a slur !! i am identifying as a queer person!#this is EXACTLY how people reclaim it !!!#it's like practically ACADEMIC in this usage!!#please do any reading into what the fuck the history of the word ''queer'' is before telling me#as someone identifying as queer#that i'm a slur. that the place i find comfort in is a slur#''well it makes me uncomfortable if people use it for me''#im sorry to hear that dude. that sucks. i hope things get easier for you soon#but you don't get to take it from ME#in case you can't tell by the REST of this piece#i DID hear queer used as slur against me. i DID get bullied with it. i DID hear a lot of shit said#i also heard it about lesbians#about ''being gay''#about pretty much any fucking term that could describe me.#i like queer. i like how it feels. and it's mine.#you don't get to undo the work i've done personally because it makes u uncomfortable#it's ahistoric to pretend like there are ''safe'' ways to identitfy if ur queer.#none exist. it has never been safe to be like this.
12K notes
Β·
View notes
Text
Light The Flame
mbf! Joel Miller x F! Reader
Part 2
Synopsis: Your mom moves the two of you back to Texas and attempts to reignite an old flame. What will happen when she learns his candle now burns for you?
Genre: fluff, angst, and smut! the trifecta!
Warnings: divorced parents, mentions of cheating, no Sarah, no outbreak, drinking, age gap (reader is said to be in college but Joel's exact age isn't stated), Tommy is a bit of a sleaze, kissing, 18+ content, p in v sex, protected sex!, lots of different sexual acts, cursing
Gif credits to owners!
Inspired by this post from @deathsholywaterr ! I hope I did your idea justice!!
Also this shit is long so buckle up!
It had been about three months since your parents' divorce was officially finalized. Your dad had moved out long ago and with no other ties keeping her in California, she decided to move back to her hometown in Texas. And although you would miss your friends and the life you had in LA, you couldn't shake the feeling that you needed (and deserved) a change. Plus, you had just found out your boyfriend was sleeping with your so called best friend. So, yeah, you wanted to get out as soon as possible.
All of your stuff was packed into a moving van and moved across the United States. You knew Texas would be super different, but a welcome change. Not to mention a chance to reinvent yourself. Taking college classes and finding your path in life, that was the goal. But, of course, a girl still needs to have a bit of fun and you and you had heard Texas nightlife was very fun!
That's how you found yourself, perched on a barstool, at a downtown Austin bar, listening to drunk people sing karaoke only hours after unpacking your clothes. You giggled lightly to yourself as a very drunk man hit a way too high note. Rotating the barstool around to place your now empty glass on the counter and just as you were about to motion the bar tender over to order another a man settled in next to you. He leaned against the counter, a bit closer to you than you would've liked.
"Hello gorgeous, how 'bout you let me get you a drink?" His words slurred together as the smell of the beer on his breath wafted towards you. Your nose scrunched in disgust.
"How about no?" Your tone was sweet, but your words were not as you batted your eyelashes at the man. He was cute, but you weren't exactly in the mood for flirting especially with someone as intoxicated as him.
"Come on, one drink. We don't even gotta have a conversation, just wanna know your name. I'm Tommy by the way." He held out his hand, with how close he was it almost hit you in the face. You recoiled.
That's when a different man appeared next to the two of you, he grabbed Tommy by the bicep and yanked his hand back. Then pulled his body a few feet away from you, finally giving you the space you had been wanting the whole time.
"I'm sorry about him, sugar. My brother is an idiot and I'm an idiot for thinking he'd be okay alone for five minutes." He turns to Tommy. "Can't even let me pee, without causing me problems, can you?"
Trying to hold back your smile, you flattened out your skirt, getting rid of the imaginary wrinkles in it. The brother's eyes lock onto your hands, seemingly just now taking you in. He gulps as his eyes glaze over, then clears his throat.
"I really am sorry about him. Here, let me buy you a drink." He says and you almost giggle at how badly the two brothers want to buy you alcohol.
"Don't worry about it! Sadly, I am used to drunk men coming up to me. I appreciate it though, but honestly I should get home." He looks lost in thought, like he's debating offering to drive you home. But just as he opens his mouth Tommy slips and falls, almost taking his brother down with him. Then, who you're assuming is the older one tries to get him back to his feet.
He continues to struggle to get Tommy up, as you stand from your seat after placing a few dollars onto the bar for tip. Tommy drops to the floor again and he sighs. Ruffling through his pocket he pulls out his card and hands it to you.
With a quick, "If you ever want that drink." Before getting Tommy to his feet and pushing him back to where they must have been sitting. You glance at the card wanting to know his name.
Joel
A few days later, you found yourself at the grocery store. You wandered aimlessly through the aisles. Half in an attempt to orientate yourself with the new areas and half just looking for what sounded good. You wanted snacks, just weren't sure what exactly. As you pushed your now pretty full cart down the wine aisle, you saw a familiar face at the other end.
You tracked him with your eyes for a second before his met yours. A smile graced his lips, eyebrows raising in surprise. Honestly you were surprised yourself. Not only did he recognize you, but he was happy to see you.
Making his way towards you, he offered you a small wave, which you returned. Your cheeks heated up slightly, you remembered he was attractive, but now in the bright florescence it showed even more. Glancing down at your outfit, you cursed yourself for not putting in just a bit more effort this morning.
"Hello again." Joel said when he finally made it over to you.
"Hello again," You mirrored his words, "Wasn't sure you would recognize me just now." You cursed yourself at the words you let slip out. Insecurities on full display.
"Of course I would recognize that beautiful face again." He says nonchalantly, like he didn't just openly call you beautiful. Like he didn't just openly flirt with you!
Cheeks flushed, you cleared your throat, "Did...uh...did you and Tommy get home alright?" He smiles like you've said something funny.
"We did, you?" Awkwardly, you shift your weight.
"I did."
He looks at you with the same smile from before, something mischievous now playing in his eyes. Cocking his head at you, he looks like he is trying to get you to say more.
"You never called, don't want that drink, sugar?" Now you are adorning a playful look back. He was scared you weren't going to call him?
"I was getting to it." You say, simply. Not wanting to come off too desperate, but also not letting his hopes get dashed.
"I was really looking forward to seeing you again." Joel takes a step closer to you.
"I might be at the bar sometime this weekend, maybe you will." At your words his eyes darken slightly. He knows you are toying with him.
Taking one more step towards you he leans down, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear, "Maybe I will." And he's trying to play back. He smirks at you before offering you another wave and walking off into the depths of the store.
You are left there, blinking and blushing at his retreating figure.
That weekend, you were doing your makeup oh so precisely. The dress you had picked out hugged your figure perfectly. You wore your best heels. Your hair was meticulous. Now to just hope Joel showed.
It's not like the two of you picked a specific day or time so what if he wasn't there? You couldn't think like that, you could only hope for the best and look your best too.
As you pushed open the door of the same bar you had first met Joel at the cool air washed over you, causing you to shiver. That's when your eyes met with his. It was almost like he had his eyes trained onto the door, just waiting for you to arrive. It looked like he chuckled at your shiver as he stood and made his way over to you.
"Cold princess?" His head cocked at you in amusement.
You crossed your arms, "Actually I'm just fine." And with a nod you saunter past him and towards the bar to order a drink.
He follows closely behind him and you just know he's smirking at your response. Joel lets you attempt, and fail, to gain the bartenders attention. Before he places a hand lightly on your shoulder and nods as if to say "watch this".
Bringing his fingers to his lips he blows out a loud whistle, your eyes widen in shock. He smirks down at you before making eye contact with the bar tender who is now staring incredulously at Joel.
"Joe, think you can get my girl here a drink?" My girl? He didn't mean it like that, he couldn't have.
"Only since she's so pretty. But you? I've told you about doing that, Miller. So annoying." The bartender, Joe, mumbles the last part more to himself but both you and Joel hear it. Joel laughs behind you, you feel the rumble of his chest against your back. A shiver runs down your spine.
He leans down, talking into your ear, "Sure you aren't cold?"
You roll your eyes, he knows what he's doing. Actually, he's doing it on purpose. Letting out a scoff, you readjust your position on the stool allowing your body to graze against Joel's a bit more. His hand reaches out to grip the edge of the bar. You can feel his eyes boring into you, his knuckles are turning white. Yep, you know what you're doing as well.
And just as Joel was about to say something else to you, Joe comes back with two drinks in hand. He passes a smaller glass to Joel, with what you assume is scotch in it. Then he passes a taller glass with a mixed drink in it to you. Its the same drink you got the other night you came in and you wonder how Joe remembered. But you brush it off as good customer service and take a sip of your fruity drink.
Joel smirks down at you as you are obviously enjoying your drink ad sips his as well. The ice clinks in his glass when he sits down the half empty vessel next to you.
Once again, he speaks into your ear, "Why don't we find a booth?" Nodding in response, he holds his hand out to you to help you off of the stool. You can't help the blush that rises to your cheeks at how much of a gentleman he is.
The two of you sat and talked for hours. Subtle flirts, learning about each other, anything and everything. Although you weren't sure you were ready for a relationship after the train wreck that was your last one, you enjoyed Joel's company and it seemed like he enjoyed yours. Plus, it didn't hurt to just have a strictly physical relationship, did it?
Thats how you found yourself agreeing to another date with Joel. Thats how you found yourself moving your hips into his on the dance floor. And thats how you found yourself in his bed later that night.
Currently he was sitting on the edge of the bed, your legs straddling his as you kissed fervently. Your hips moved seemingly on their own, grinding your clothed core down onto his jean clad member. He groans into your mouth when you grind down even rougher. Big hands grip onto your hips, stilling your movements.
"Careful princess." His voice is deep as he mutters into your lips before catching them in a deep kiss again. This causes you to now let out a moan. Damnit if you weren't the most turned on you've ever been.
Joel seems to catch onto the faster movements of your hips, knowing you need more. His lips trial down your neck to the juncture of your shoulder, he bits you lightly before licking over the marks. You gasp, bucking your hips forward at the feeling. He smirks against your skin and moves his lips down your exposed chest. Silently thanking yourself for wearing such a low cut top.
Lips ghost against the skin of your breast before he pulls your shirt aside to let one boob out of its constraints. He sucks your nipple into his mouth and that's when you fully loose yourself into the pleasure. If you weren't fucked before, you sure were now. Well...you were going to be soon hopefully.
Pulling off of your bud, his breath fans over the sensitive skin causing a shiver to run down your spine. Something flashes in his eyes as a smirk graces his lips.
"Either you're always cold or I really have an effect on you." He says, craning his neck back towards your lips. You roll your eyes before he's meeting lips with your own and flipping you over to lay on the bed.
Your head lands all but gracefully on the plush surface, his lips never leaving yours. The hands that were on your hips, now explored your body leaving goosebumps in their wake. One massaged your still covered breast, the other slowly made its way up the inside of your thigh. His fingers tentatively crossed over your core and up to the buttons of your pants. Your need to have him inside of you grew stronger as you lifted your hips involuntarily, trying to urge him to take of your pants.
"So desperate." Is all Joel says before he is popping open the first button. Then the next. Then the next. Slowly he unbuttons them all and pulls your pants just as slowly down your legs. The pace makes you whimper out.
He was right, you were desperate. But with how slow he was going, who wouldn't be?
"I want to taste that pretty pussy." Joel says as he finally makes eye contact with your lacy underwear.
"Please, I just want you inside me." He gives you a look at your words, like he wasn't sure you meant it. Or he wasn't sure you were that ready?
"Next time, please Joel just fuck me already."
He seems to contemplate this for a second, but ultimately agrees, "Your wish is my command."
He slips out of his own shirt and quickly slides his jeans off too. Standing there in just his underwear, you swear you could pass out from the view alone. But your head was too cloudy to say anything. Joel seemed to see the lust in your eyes and just shook his head before grabbing a condom from the nightstand.
"Take your shirt off for me, sugar." Its a bit more of a request than a command but you follow it like it was an order. You had to admit it was a bit sexy to be told what to do.
"Good girl, let me see how wet you are." He stands over you while stroking his hardening dick through his underwear. You watch in awe before following his instructions and pull your own panties off of you.
Spreading your legs, you display your pussy to him and he groans at the sight. He strokes himself a bit faster as you slide your fingers through your soaked folds. Fingers dip into your opening and you hold back your reaction, keeping your eyes locked onto his. When your fingers are thoroughly coated in your juice, you trail them up your torso to your mouth. Sucking your fingers in and licking them clean.
Darkness fills Joel's eyes as he decides this is the last straw and he is on top of you in a instant. Pulling your fingers out of your mouth he shoves them into his own, swirling his tongue around your digits.
Quickly he pushes off of you just to take off his underwear and slip the condom onto his painfully hard penis. You gulp at the sight, mouth watering like you've been in a desert for days. You make a note that next time you must also taste him.
But, these thoughts leave your head as quickly as they came because Joel is pushing his member into you. As the tip breaches your entrance, you are gasping and gripping onto his arms for support. You feel his muscles tensing under your fingertips as he begrudgingly paces himself, trying to let you adjust
You almost giggle at the pained look on his face. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you hook your ankles together and pull him the rest of the way inside of you. He has to catch himself from falling on top of you from both a mixture of shock and the forceful nature of your movement.
Eyes meet yours with a shocked look. You just give him a smirk and a shrug in return. Regaining his composure, he pulls out of almost completely. So painfully slowly that you almost keel over. You know its your punishment for what you had done and you were feeling the full force of your actions.
But, the punishing doesn't last long as he enters you again. He thrusts out to his tip again only quicker and rougher. Continuing this action of thrusting in and out of you picking up a tempo.
After letting out another moan when he slams into you particularly hard, you crane you neck slightly to see the look on his face. He seems to have fully lost himself in the pleasure. The teasing is all lost and he is now fully focused on getting you both to your orgasms.
Joel is now fucking into you with no more reservations. He reaches a hand between the two of you, using his thumb to rub your clit. He rubs the bud in circles, trying to work you towards your peak.
"Cum for me, princess." He says with a grunt, gripping your hips roughly. His hips snap into yours roughly.
You feel the beginnings of your orgasm. The coil in your stomach begins to tighten. Your hips buck up at the feeling, needing to orgasm.
"Joel!" You gasp out as you are pushed over the edge. You clench around his cock, pussy urging him to cum as well.
Working you through your orgasm, he continues his motions on your clit. He thrusts are getting a bit out of rhythm as he is also reaching his own peak. Leaning over you he reattaches his lips to yours, pushing his tongue into your mouth.
As his hips stutter into yours he is thrusting into you one last time before spilling his load into the condom. Joel moans into your mouth as he works himself through his orgasm. Hips slow down as his orgasm ends and Joel is plopping down next to you. Wrapping you in his arms as his member is still inside of you.
All that is heard in the room is heavy breathing for a minute as Joel's sweaty body surrounds yours. You look up at him and his eyes meet yours. A smile graces his lips before he is pecking your nose and bringing you even closer to him.
Eventually, he pulls out of you and ties of the condom. Moving to toss it in the en suite before returning just to wrap you back into his warm embrace.
After the first time you and Joel hooked up, the two of you hung out at least three times a week. You would go to the bar, get a few drinks, talk a bit, laugh a bit. But you would always end up back at Joel's place. In his bed. In his arms.
Your mom was also starting to catch onto something going on with you. With you coming home late, giggling on your phone, smiling randomly at the thought of Joel. Not to mention, you were acting a bit shady. Even your friend noticed a change when she called you the other day.
But it was nothing but physical, right? Right...
Pushing open the door as silently as you could, you slightly stumbled into the dark house. Still a little tipsy as well as a bit of jelly legs from your earlier activities. Slipping off your shoes and picking them up so your heels wouldn't echo, you tried to reach the stairs to your room.
The minute your hand grabbed the banister, the lights in the living room flipped on like some movie scene. Your mom sat on the couch, arms crossed staring at you.
Jumping you tried to calmly greet her, "Hey mom."
"Don't 'hey mom' me, where have you been?" She was never this serious, so it scared you slightly.
"Out, I found a bar in town and I've been hanging out there." You didn't want to mention Joel just yet. One because how did you explain to your mom that you had a fuck buddy. And two that that fuck buddy was almost twice your age.
"By yourself?" Shit, she saw right through you.
"I mean, I talk to a few people there. Made friends with the bar tender. Well sort of, he's a bit serious and-"
She held up her hand to stop your rambling. You snapped your mouth shut.
"Who drove you home?" Joel had been driving you home from his house almost every time you guys hung out. He didn't like you taking a taxi that late.
You gulped, "I got a taxi."
"I know that's not true, Y/N. You're seeing someone. I can tell. You're different since we moved here and I think it has to do with someone." Your eyebrows furrow at her confession. Was she mad at you for staying out or mad at you for keeping secrets from her?
"Okay, maybe I am. I'm an adult!" You really weren't sure what she wanted to hear at this moment.
"You are, but I just want to make sure you are responsible."
Now you were rolling your eyes and crossing your arms back at her.
"Responsible? I can assure you I am." What did she think? That you were going around sleeping with randos and not using protection?
"Good," She stood up now and made her way over to you, "I just want to make sure you're okay, sweetie. After all that happened before..." She trailed off when she saw the hurt on your face at the mention of your ex.
She continued, "Anyways, I can see you're happy, so I won't pester you much about it anymore. But, can you at least try to come home earlier. You know I worry." She places a kiss on your forehead and moves past you up the stairs a bit, only turning back to hear your reply.
"I will, I'm sorry you were worried." You smile at her, she returns that smile.
Making her way to her room she shouts back one more thing before closing herself in her room, "And I wanna meet him sometime!"
This has you gulping, breathing cut short, body rigid. How were you going to get out of this one?
The next morning as you sluggishly made your way to the kitchen, you were greeted by your overly excited mother.
"Morning sweetie!" You almost cringe at her loud voice, feeling the effects of your late night.
"Morning." You grumble out, before making your way to the pantry to find something to eat.
She's humming to herself as she cooks some eggs on the stove. At first you don't think much of it, until you notice her almost bouncing on the balls of her feet. It makes you take a pause, she was excited about something and she definitely wanted to tell you about it.
"Why are you so happy?" You ask with a smile in your voice. Leaning against the pantry door, you make eye contact with her. She blushes, smiles, and then looks back down at her eggs.
"Remember how I told you I went out with a group of friends from high school the other night?" You nod recalling how she animatedly told you about that night and all the nostalgia.
"Well, we are all hanging out again tonight. I'm just excited." Now you nod in acknowledgement. But she did seem a bit more excited than just a hang out, eh whatever.
You went back to looking for your cereal, grabbing it and a bowl. While pouring your cereal into your bowl, your mom speaks again.
"Plus, I might have a man too." Jumping slightly at her confession, you almost spill your cereal. You weren't sure you were ready for her to date again. It seemed weird after your parents had just divorced. You'd never seen either of them with anyone else, just strange.
She continues without you saying anything, "We went to school together. Used to have a bit of crush on him back then, but never worked out. Anyway, he was with us that other night and when I tell you he aged well!"
Almost laughing at how your mom was acting like one of your friends. Cute little crush and everything! You still felt a bit weird about hearing something like this from her. First of all, ew! Second of all, was she ready?
"Oh, that's nice." Is all you can manage to say, before taking a bite of your cereal, that you had just finished pouring milk into.
"'That's nice.'" She repeats, setting her spatula down and not making eye contact with you.
"Yeah, mom, that's nice. It will be nice for you, after dad..." You trail off, not sure if this is a sore subject or not. The two of you didn't talk much about the divorce anymore. So you thought it better to tread lightly.
"I think so too." She says, a bit more happier now as she resumes her eggs.
Yep, it will be nice.
After your awkward breakfast with your mom, you returned to your room to text Joel. If your mom was going out, you might as well too, right?
A few minutes later, your phone buzzed with a message. Quickly dropping whatever you were previously doing you crashed down onto your stomach on your bed. Kicking your feet as you unlocked your phone to read the message.
Joel: Sorry, sugar but I have plans tonight. Tomorrow?
You sigh, guess everyone was busy tonight.
You: No worries! See you tomorrow!
Sighing, you flipped onto your back, staring at your ceiling trying to think of what was going to keep you occupied tonight.
You decided to take the time for a self care night. Painted your nails, did a face mask, read a bit, before ultimately ending up in the bath.
The soak felt nice and after weeks of not focusing on yourself enough, it also felt nice to just relax. Plus, if you were glowing the next time you saw Joel, he probably wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of you.
That's how you found yourself, wrapped up in your soft robe propped up at your vanity. Hair wrapped in a towel while you rubbed lotion into your legs.
Just as you were finishing up, the doorbell rang downstairs. Sighing, not really wanting an interruption, but needing to answer it nonetheless. You pushed up from your seat and made your way downstairs. Not even bothering to change out of your robe.
And you would have never expected what you were about to see on the other side of the door as you swung it open.
There stood Joel and another lady, trying to hold up your very drunk mother. Eye immediately lock onto Joel's, an apologetic look on his face as he wasn't sure what to say.
Your mother however saw you and tried to rush at you to hug you. Slurring about this and that. How much fun she had, how pretty you were, anything and everything that came to her inebriated mind.
Joel and the lady held her back, trying to keep her on her feet and off of you. After the initial shock of the moment, you finally realized they were probably trying to get you to let them inside.
"Oh! Um, come in. I'm sorry about her, uh maybe just put her on the couch?" You gesture towards the living room and move aside to let all three of them through. Joel glances back at you as you close the door, eyes also trained onto him.
They try to place your mother onto the couch as carefully as they can, but she falls to the side anyways. You are almost horrified at the situation. Joel, here. Your mom, drunk. Joel with your drunk mom.
Joel clears his throat while the lady is busying herself with your mom, "As you can see, she's a bit tipsy." He states the obvious, you bite your lip as he shuffles from foot to foot nervously.
"A bit." You conclude.
"Yeah, uh, it might have been my idea to play a drinking game. Sorry!" The lady on the couch calls over her shoulder, returning to your mom.
Your eyes never leave Joel's. As the shock subsides, you finally put some pieces together. Your mom was going to see some high school friends. Joel was one of your mom's high school friends. You were hooking up with your mom's friend. Fuck!
Joel tries to read your face, you can see how he wants to go over to you. Wants to apologize properly or explain himself. Anything to make you feel better.
"Sug-Uh, Y/N right?" He almost lets his pet name for you out. You nod, like he doesn't moan out your name nightly.
"'m Joel and that's Linda." You nod again. What then fuck is happening right now?
"Do you think we should take her upstairs?" The lady, Linda, finally turns to look at you. She scans you and you only just now realize what you are wearing. Or lack of what you are wearing. Eyes shift to Joel, who is seemingly now taking in your appearance as well. You notice his Adam's apple bob a bit as he tries to wet his now very dry mouth.
"I mean, she will probably be fine there. One night on the couch isn't so bad." You try to joke but Linda's face stays stern.
"I'll take her up, can you bring her some water?" She looks to you and you nod again, now gulping at how serious she is.
Linda grabs your mom off the couch and surprisingly easily takes your mom up the stairs.
"The door on the left." You call out, realizing you never told her. Linda grunts in acknowledgement before taking your mom into your room. The second the door closes, Joel speaks.
"Linda's a bit serious."
"A bit serious? I was gonna say scary." He laughs at your statement.
"She is, isn't she?" He laughs again, before stopping as his eyes latch onto yours.
"Baby..." He trails off, not sure what to say.
"So, you're friends with my mom?" He nods. You open your mouth once, twice, before closing it again. Also not sure what to say.
"Obviously, I didn't know until she gave me the address tonight. Then I didn't know what I was going to say to you. I couldn't act like I knew you and-" He stops his rambling as you step towards him, placing a hand on his chest.
"It's okay, I know you didn't know. I know you wouldn't keep something like that from me." His hand engulfs yours, pulling it up to his mouth to peck your palm.
"You're so good to me." Taking a step closer, his forehead rests on yours.
You giggle, "You're so good to me."
The two of you sit there in silence for a second before he speaks again.
"You look so pretty right now, angel. I wish I could kiss you."
"You could." You confirm, bringing your face closer to his.
And right as he is about to attach his lips to yours, something crashes up stairs. you jump back from Joel at the sound before the two of you rush upstairs. Just to find Linda and your mom on the floor, laughing. You sigh in relief before noticing the pile of book knocked off the bookshelf.
"What happened?" You ask.
"She fell while trying to put her pants on. Knocked over all these books and me." Linda replies in between laughs. Only a bit shocked by her switch in emotions, you sign again.
"It's okay, you guys have done enough. I'll put her to bed now and clean that up in the morning. Thank you for everything." Linda nods, stands, and dusts herself off. Before looking to Joel who just gestures for her to go first.
Joel glances back at you once last time. Almost taking a step towards you, before shaking his head and following behind Linda.
The front door closes down stairs and your attention returns to your mom who is still sitting on the floor. Her head is slumped over and her breathing is even, like she has fallen asleep just like that.
"Come on, mom, let's get you to bed." You reach under her arms to lift her up. She doesn't help but falls into another giggling fit. Trying so hard not to laugh to you push her down under her seats, tucking her in just like she used to when you were little.
"That was him." She says all of a sudden.
"That was who?" You reply, not fully listening as you pick up one of the books.
"The guy I was telling you about. The one that grew up well. He's hot right?" You stop mid movement of picking up another book. What?
But before you can even say anything else soft snores come from the bed. You stand up and place the book back onto their shelf. Leaving the room silently.
You lean against the door once you shut it, stomach tying into knots.
The guy your mom is interested in is the guy that you are currently seeing. What the fuck?
The next morning it was your mom's turn to come into the kitchen groaning. Holding her head she sits at one of the barstools at the island.
"Morning sunshine." You greet her with a laugh while sipping your coffee.
She just grunts in response, you laugh again. Turning to make her her own mug of coffee, knowing that's exactly what she wants right now.
You slide it over to her, her eyes widen for only a second before lifting the mug to her lips. As soon as the liquid touches her tongue she is smiling into the brim of it.
"Thank you." She says as she places it back onto the counter. You raise your own mug to her in a "you're welcome" gesture. She sighs.
"Did I embarrass myself last night?" Groaning again while rubbing her temples.
You laugh, "Only a little." Holding up a pinching gesture with the hand not holding your coffee.
You take a sip while your mom speaks again, "Oh! But you met Joel right? What do you think?" And that's when you choke. You were kind of hoping she didn't bring up Joel.
"That bad?" Your mom chuckles while you try to recover from your coughing fit.
"Uh...um he didn't seem too bad." You finally say as you recover just enough to let the words out.
Your mom only nods, taking your short answer as enough.
What were you going to do?
You had sent a text earlier in the day to confirm with Joel that the two of you were still on for tonight. Although, you were a bit confused by the whole situation currently. You knew how you felt about Joel and honestly you were tired of hiding it from not only yourself but also him.
Now you could only hope he felt the same. That hope, however, came fully to fruition when the you showed up to Joe's bar and Joel was standing there waiting for you, bouquet in hand. You almost teared up at the gesture.
When you crossed the bar to him, he wrapped an arm around your waist pulling your body into his. He placed a kiss on the top of your head before handing the flowers to you.
"Sorry again about last night." You hit his chest at his statement. He backs up in shock, mouth wide open. His dramatics make you laugh.
"Stop saying sorry, it isn't your fault. My mom should be apologizing to you!"
"Still I should've at least warned you we were coming." Dramatics dropped as he looks down at his feet.
"While you were driving? Joel Miller!" Now you are the one being overdramatic and it makes him laugh like it had made you laugh.
"Fine, but I still feel bad."
You sigh, "Fine, but you're not sitting in this corner all night! Dance with me!" You grab his hand and pull him onto the dance floor.
When you start dancing he is only swaying his hips a bit, not fully into it. But you aren't having any of that, you grab his arms and slide his hands down your sides. Flipping around so your ass makes contact with his crotch. This seems to make him react as he grabs your hips in almost a warning.
Although, of course, this only eggs you on to continue your teasing. Grinding your hips back into his like that very first night the two of you hooked up. You spin back around, hands moving up his stomach and chest finally resting latched behind his neck. Your head is tossed back as you continue to move your hips dangerously close to his own. Neck is on full display for Joel and he takes this as an opportunity to crane down and place a soft kiss there.
His head now rests on your shoulder using his hands to help move your hips in time with his. You smile, he must be feeling a bit better now. So when he raises his head out of the crook of your neck you raise your own to meet eyes.
But you don't see lust there, you see something else. Love? It makes you gulp, goosebumps raising on your skin as he leans down to bring his lips to yours.
And when he pulls away, "I want you." He says, but it isn't in the lustful way he usually says it. Not sure how to reply, you smirk teasingly.
"Then take me."
"Not like that, baby. I-I want you. I-" Words seem to stop at the top of his throat, fearing that they will topple over.
Still unsure, you say the first thing that comes to mind, "You have me. I've been yours for a while, Joel." The look in his eyes sparks almost unnoticeably.
"You're mine?" You nod. "Promise?" Another nod.
"Come home with me?" Instead of answering, you attach your lips to him.
Waking up in Joel's arms felt so much different than all the times you had been in his bed and in his arms before. Something about the intimacy of your conversation from the night before and the intimacy of being in his bed now. You were just so serene. It felt right. There was no other way to describe it.
Obviously, after leaving Joe's you ended up at Joel's place once again. Although this time you had told your mom so she wouldn't worry and you had also, at Joel's request, told her that you weren't going to come home at all tonight.
Of course, like all the nights before Joel and you had ended up fucking, but last night felt different. It was slower, it was intimate, it was like he was making love to you. If you had asked Joel he would tell you that's exactly what he was doing.
Glancing over at Joel, you see that he is still asleep. You try to carefully let yourself out of grip to get out of bed but his strong arms keep you there.
As you try again, he just grips you tighter letting out a groan. He opens his eyes slowly.
"Don't leave me." He says while still waking up.
"I'm not leaving, Joel, I-" He cuts you off by pulling you roughly into his side.
"Joel-" you warn with a squeak as he pushes on your stomach with the heel of hi hand. "-I need to pee."
He still doesn't let you up. Just nuzzles his face into your hair. His breath tickles your neck.
"If you don't let me go, I'll end up peeing in your bed." You try to warn him again and finally he lets you go with a sigh.
But before you can make it fully into the bathroom he is calling out behind you.
"You're mine?" Your eyes roll.
"Yes."
"Promise?"
"Joel." Another warning tone.
"Promise." This time it wasn't a question.
"I promise. Now let me go pee!"
After peeing, you returned to Joel who was still sprawled out in bed. He brought you back into his arms as quickly as he could. The two of you stayed like that for a while, just bathing it each other's warmth.
Until Joel's hands started wandering. First it started with rubbing soothing circles onto your back. Then the circles moved to your thighs. The circles becoming less soothing and more whimper inducing. Then they moved to just above the waistband of your pants (boxers you had borrowed from Joel). Only for them to dip past that waistband just a second later. Now teasing your already dripping slit.
Whimpering out, Joel caught your sound with his lips. Letting his tongue taste yours. The kiss was slow, passionate. No matter how much he wanted you, he was taking it slow.
His fingers continued teasing your pussy lips, collecting your juices before slipping just the tip of fingers past your folds. Gasping, you bit down on his lip, causing him to groan into your mouth. The shock made him loose himself for a second but he recovered quickly and continued teasing you.
He did this for a minute or two never letting his lips leave yours. Bringing his fingers to your clit he rubbed the bud a few times before slipping his hand out of pants. You whined at the loss.
"I need to be inside of you. Can't wait any longer." He says before pushing you to turn around so he was now behind you.
You heard Joel rustling through his nightstand for a second before tearing open a package. Shifting away from your warmth for only a second to slide his underwear down and slip the condom on.
As quickly as he can he is returning to touching you, hand moving up under your shirt. Lips are on your neck nipping and sucking lightly at the sensitive skin.
The hand in your shirt moves up to tease your boob, massaging both of them. The other hand is moving back to the waistband of your pants, slipping them down your legs as much as he can in the position that you are in. You help him by lifting your hips a bit.
Joel slides his dick into you from behind, it being easy from till being a bit stretched out from last night. Not to mention all the teasing and the amount of wetness that is almost dripping down your thighs at this point.
You don't even need to adjust to the stretch, "Please Joel." You breath out. He continues fucking into behind and kissing at your neck.
Hand is still in your shirt, just holding onto your tit. The other is holding your hip in place, like he thinks you'll slip away from him. He is fully seated inside of you when he slowly pulls out of you to hi tip, before fucking back into all the way to the hilt.
He continues his slow and steady pace, just taking his time with your body. Needing to feel all of you. Needing you.
Thrusting his dick in and out of you. Working both of you towards your release. Morning sex with Joel was definitely different than any of the sex you've ever had with him before but you were loving it. You loved how he was taking his time. He didn't want either of you to get overstimulated.
The hand that was on your hip wrapped around to tease your clit. The strokes were as slow as his thrusts. But he strokes once particularly roughly and you are moaning, turning your head to try and meet lips with Joel. He obliges and connects your lips.
This is what sends you hurtling towards your end. The softness of the kiss, the circles on your clit, and the slow yet perfect thrusts. It crashes over you unexpectedly and has you moaning out loudly disconnecting your lips just so you can catch your breath.
And the feeling of your walls clenching onto his member has him closer to his peak quickly as well. He's usually very sensitive in the morning so he isn't very surprised. So when you seemed to have caught your breath and you no longer are jerking with your orgasm, Joel is placing his lips back on yours. Kissing you deeply as he swallows your breathy moans from the overstimulation.
This causes him to reach his peak, cumming into the condom with a throaty moan. Thrusting roughly into you a few times to work himself through his orgasm. When he is finished he is pulling out of you and using your shoulder to turn you back to face him.
He pulls your head into his chest. Breathing is still a bit labored as the two of you just feel the other person. Appreciating the comfort. Breathing in each other's scents, content.
Later that day after a shower, with Joel, he drove you back to your house to drop you off. You didn't have any clothes with you after all, so you at least had to change and because you didn't exactly want to leave Joel yet, when you didn't see your mom's car in the driveway you convinced Joel to come up with you.
He didn't protest much after you promised him your mom would not be returning any time soon. So he followed you through the house and into your room. You ushered him in and watched as he took it all in. Shutting the door behind you two, you made your way across the room to Joel.
Wrapping your arms around him from behind as he looked at some pictures on your desk. You hadn't realized until now but Joel had never seen the way you lived and it was comforting to finally have him in your space.
"That's when I was seven." You said as he picked up a picture of you with a soccer ball in hand, blue jersey hanging on your little torso. "I begged my dad to sign me up for soccer and only did it for about three weeks before I decided I hated it." You laugh at the memory.
He laughs too and places it down, now picking up a picture of you and your friend from prom.
"That feels like ages ago." You muse, "There used to be another girl in this picture but she uh she fucked my boyfriend so I cut her out." You nod into his back before disconnecting your arms and moving across the room to sit on your bed. Playing with your hands, he places the photo down and moves to sit with you.
"I'd never do that to you." He says after a beat of silence.
"Fuck my boyfriend? I hope not." You try to joke but it doesn't fully reach your voice.
Joel grabs your hands, "Cheat on you." He says the thing you weren't sure you wanted to hear. You open your mouth but aren't sure what to say.
So he speaks instead, "You deserve the world and I want you to know that I'm prepared to give it to you." You smile, finally bringing your eyes to his.
"You sound so old!" You jest as you hit his chest. He grabs your wrist using it pull you forward into him. You fall into his chest, Joel uses that as an opportunity to stable you by a hand on your hip.
"If I really was that old, I don't think I could fuck you the way I do." He tone is laced with seduction as he brings his lips to ghost yours. Breath fans over your face, causing you to shiver. He smirks almost bringing up the inside joke of you being cold all the time. But throws this away to instead attach his lips to yours.
The kiss is fiery, not like the ones from this morning that were filled with passion, this one was like he needed to prove something. Prove he would always be yours and you would always be his.
His lips and his hands have you so much in a trance that neither of you hear a car pulling into the driveway. Or the front door opening. Or your mom calling out your name. Or climbing up the stairs. Or opening your door.
But you do hear the gasp and the sound of bags dropping to the floor as your mom sees the two of you. Pulling away quickly both you and Joel jump away from each other like a fire was just lit between you. Your head snaps to look at your mom and then back to Joel and notice she is doing the same thing with the both of you.
"Mom, I-" You try to explain but loose your words and good thing too because they would be falling on deaf ears anyways. With her blinking twice and rushing out of the room, back down the stairs, out of the house, and driving away.
You look back to Joel who has a mortified look on his face, then back to the doorway your mom was just in.
"Shit."
Part 2 !!!!!!!
#fanfiction#fanfic#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fanfiction#the last of us#joel miller#pedro pascal x reader#joel miller x reader#tlou joel#the last of us joel#last of us joel#joel the last of us#joel tlou#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#joel miller smut#joel miller fic#joel miller x you#the last of us hbo#the last of us fanfiction#joel miller the last of us#tlou fanfiction#mbf! joel miller#dbf! joel miller#dbf! joel miller smut#mbf! joel miller smut#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal character fanfic#pedro pascal fic
1K notes
Β·
View notes
Text
Antisemitism and Islamophobia are very similar (if not the same), actually
So I was scrolling down the #palestine tag for any updates and important information, and I came across this:
And I think we need to sit down and talk about this.
I am a Muslim. I live in Indonesia, a country that is predominantly Muslim and a lot of Muslims here also support the Palestinian cause. Hell, even our government supports it by not only allowing Palestinian goods enter the country without fee, but also by taking in Palestinian refugees and even acknowledging the status of Palestine as a state while not having any political ties with Israel. The topic of the Palestinian tragedy has been spoon-fed to us at schools, sermons, media, etc., so your average Indonesian Muslim would at the very least be aware of the conflict while non-Muslims would hear about it from their Muslim friends or through media.
However, there is a glaring problem. One that I keep seeing way too often for my liking.
A lot of them are antisemitic as hell. The sermons I would hear sometimes demonize Jewish people. Antisemitic statements are openly said out loud on social media. Some are even Nazi supporters who would literally go to anime cons and COSPLAY as members of the Nazi party. This is not just an Indonesian Muslim problem, no, but this is a glaring issue within the global Islamic community as a whole. Today, this sense of antisemitism is usually rooted in general hatred towards the Israeli government and its actions against the people of Palestine, but antisemitism amongst Muslims are also rooted in certain interpretations of verses from the Qur'an and Hadith mentioning Jewish people and Judaism (particularly the Bani Israil), but in a way that is more ridiculing instead of life-threatening when compared to how antisemitism looks like in the Western world.
As someone who prefers to become a "bridge" between two sides in most cases, I find this situation to be concerning, to say the least. While, yes, it is important for us Muslims to support Palestine and fight against injustice, we must not forget that not every Jewish people support the Israeli government. A lot of them are even anti-Zionists who actively condemn Israel and even disagree with the existence of Israel as a state as it goes against their teachings. A lot of them are also Holocaust survivors or their descendants, so it is harmful to think for one second that Hitler's actions and policies were justified. It's just like saying that Netanyahu is right for his decision to destroy Palestine and commit war crime after war crime towards the Palestinians.
As Muslims, we also need to remember that Jewish people (the Yahudi) are considered ahli kitab, i.e. People Of The Book along with Christians (the Nasrani). The Islam I have come to know and love has no mentions of Allah allowing us to persecute them or anyone collectively for the actions of a few. While, yes, there are disagreements with our respective teachings I do not see that as an excuse to even use antisemitic slurs against Jewish people during a pro-Palestine rally, let alone support a man who was known for his acts of cruelty toward the Jewish community in WW2. They are still our siblings/cousins in faith, after all. Unless they have done active harm like stealing homes from civilians or celebrating the destruction of Palestine or supporting the Israeli government and the IOF or are members of the IOF, no Jewish people (and Christians, for that matter) must be harmed in our fight against Zionism.
Contemporary antisemitism is similar to (if not straight up being the exact same thing as) contemporary Islamophobia, if you think about it; due to the actions of a select few that has caused severe harm towards innocent people, an entire community has been a target of hate. Even when you have tried to call out the ones supporting such cruelties, you are still getting bombarded by hate speech. It's doubly worse if you're also simultaneously part of a marginalized group like BIPOC, LGBTQ+, etc. as you also get attacked on multiple sides. This is where we all need to self-reflect, practice empathy, and unlearn all of the antisemitism and unjustified hatred that we were exposed to.
So, do call out Zionism and Nazism when you see it. Call out the US government for funding this atrocity and others before it that had ALSO triggered the rise of Islamophobia. Call your reps. Go to the streets. Punch a fascist if you feel so inclined. Support your local businesses instead of pro-Israel companies.
But not at the cost of our Jewish siblings. Not at the cost of innocent Jewish people who may also be your allies. If you do that, you are no different from a MAGA cap-wearing, gun-tooting, slur-yelling Islamophobe.
That is all for now, may your watermelons taste fresh and sweet.
π
Salam Semangka, Penco
#palestine#free palestine#gaza strip#free gaza#israel#israeli occupation#boycott israel#penco writes#penco rambles#yupyupyup#antisemitism#islam#islamophobia#thought piece
661 notes
Β·
View notes
Note
hanma + his girlfriend whose oblivious to the fact that his roommate is hitting on her π€
a/n: cijsjxjwjd i saw this and was very intrigued, but nonetheless, my brain was working at 3 am and here we are. sorry if this is shitty π! thank you for sending this in by the way! π«Άπ»
pairings: hanma shuji x fem!reader
warnings: modern au, college au, slight kisaki x reader, flirting, jealousy, possessiveness, nsfw, smut, some exhibitionism, unprotected sex, dirty talk, praising, use of pet names (doll, babydoll, princess, baby), some rough sex, breeding kink.
thrill ft. hanma shuji
He really hated how fucking oblivious you were.
He watched with sharp eyes how you stood there with that gorgeous smile on your face, speaking with his roommate oh so casually. Giggles flew past your lips at the little jokes Kisaki cracked to make you laugh. He wouldnβt have said a word, but a certain sentence made Hanma almost question his entire friendship with the man he had been living with for the past two years.Β
βYour laugh is cute.. really cute actually.β
Hanma could not stop thinking about it.
When you paused in your snickering, he figured you would have abandoned the conversation, but you didnβt. Instead, you did the exact opposite and kept speaking with Kisaki. You even thanked him for his compliment. Hanma couldnβt believe that his flirtation went completely over your head. He was the only one who caught onto it. He knew Kisaki Tetta better than anybody else, and he knew damn well when he was trying to get at something he craved.Β
He wanted to do something about it. It wasnβt the first time Kisaki had said something suspicious around you. Yet, you didnβt say a word and assumed it was platonic. However, Hanma knew that wasnβt true at all. He was done with your ignorance and he was ready to crack.
Thatβs how you ended up with your legs thrown over Hanmaβs shoulders. His cock pressing deep into your womb, sending you over the edge from the euphoric feelings. He wasnβt showing any mercy either. He didnβt care how loud you were or how you practically begged him to not stop with tears brimming at your lash line.Β
A sadistic smile wore itself into his gorgeous features. He had the best view in the whole fucking world, and he wasnβt going to let anyone, not even Kisaki, get a chance to see it. You were his. You were his angelic little girlfriend. He wasnβt about to share you.Β
The hand with βSinβ tattooed on it trailed down your abdomen slowly. Your flesh was like silk beneath his slender fingers. βShiiiit, youβre driving me crazy, princess.β he slurred.Β
Your fingernails clawed at the skin on his shoulders. The pleasure became almost unbearable from how great his thrusts were. You could hardly keep up with him. βH-Hanma! Itβs.. too m-much! Ah!β your head fell backwards onto the pillows behind you, eyeballs disappearing beneath your eyelids.Β
God, you were so fucking stunning like that. He honestly wished you could see yourself the way he did, because he couldnβt get enough.
Your lips were swollen with drool pooling deep within your mouth, your pretty eyes were glassy with tears, and most of all, your delicious cunt was sucking his cock in perfectly. A white ring wrapped around the base, allowing him to slide inside you with such ease. If he wasnβt careful, heβd slip out, and he couldnβt allow that. Not when youβve been taking him like the good girl you were.Β
Squeezing your thigh, he pushed your legs apart further so he could stare at your pussy. It was so swollen and wet. He could feel his mouth watering at how it looked. βF-Fuck.. yeah, you take me so well, baby.β he groaned, βM-Might have to put one in ya, babydoll. Youβre so fucking good.βΒ
He smirked when he felt your walls quiver around him tightly. You always preferred when he came inside of you. Your velvety walls covered with his cum were sending you into a frenzy. βInside..! P-Please, Hanma!β you blubbered, looking at him with desperation in your eyes.Β
He scoffed, placing your legs around his waist so he could angle himself. Itβd be perfect for him to fuck his cum deep inside of you. βYeah..? Want my cum in you, princess?β he cooed. βSuch a pretty baby.. Iβll make sure youβre full.β
Hanmaβs golden eyes flashed towards the clock beside the bed. He smiled devilishly when he realized that a certain someone was just a few minutes away. He knew youβd be embarrassed, but Hanma wanted Kisaki to know that youβre not to be messed with. Heβd have to sit there and watch as Hanma made you cum, not him. He was the only one who could send you over the fucking edge.Β
Your second orgasm was already on the horizon. The knot beneath your belly was tightening with every little thrust. Hanma could feel the way you were clenching down on him. He was determined to make you reach it. He wanted to see you fall apart underneath him. You were always the prettiest when you screamed his name.Β
White stars danced along your vision as he poked at your g-spot. You were slowly losing yourself. Your mind becoming lost within a thick cloud surrounding it. βI-Iβm gonna.. cum! Hanma! Oh, Hanma! Right there!β you cried, your thighs beginning to tremble as your orgasm crashed over you like a tidal wave on a shore.Β
Hanma intertwined your fingers with his as you came. He was so close to his own high, but you looked too pretty to not admire. βThatβs it, doll. Cum for m-me..β his hips began to stutter as his cock twitched inside of you. βGonna fill up this pretty cunt.. make it all mine.βΒ
You watched him with hazy eyes as he fucked you with such desire. The grip he had on your hand was so tight that his knuckles turned white. The effects of your orgasm were slowly disappearing, and you started to feel that white-hot pleasure again. All that came from your lips were whimpers and whines for him to cum inside you.Β
A loud groan suddenly escaped his mouth as he finally reached his orgasm. Thick, white spurts of cum began to cover your pretty walls, filling you completely. Hanma practically emptied himself inside of your cunt, and he had zero regrets.
Panting, he leaned down to catch your lips on his. The kiss you shared was sloppy, but passionate. It honestly turned him on all over again, so heβd probably have to shove you into the shower so he could have another round with you. Plus, he didnβt have to clean a mess.Β
βAhem.β
The two of you turned your heads to meet an embarrassed, but angry Kisaki. The blonde stared at his roommate with annoyance.
Hanma knew it was coming, especially since he was fucking his sweet girlfriend on Kisakiβs bed.Β
βSorry, couldnβt help myself β‘.β
#summer responds#smutty talks#tw: exhibitionism#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers smut#tokyo revengers fanfiction#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers x you#tr x reader#tr x y/n#tr x you#hanma shuji#hanma shuji x reader#hanma shuji x y/n#hanma shuji x you#hanma x reader#hanma x y/n#hanma x you#hanma smut#hanma shuji smut#anime fanfic#anime fanfiction
3K notes
Β·
View notes
Note
soft/domestic!Jason with an overstimulated!reader where he just squashes her in a hug until she calms down???????/
GIVE US THISSSS PLSSS
i keep my promises <3
"These arms are always yours, love"
soft!Jason Todd x overstimulated!fem!Reader
WARNINGS: graphic description of skin picking?? (not self-harm)
Today was going to be a shitty day.
The moment your eyes cracked open to an absence of sun peeking through the window, you knew outside was going to be gloomy.
You turned your head to face your nightstand, but in doing so, increase your awareness on how the sheets feel on your body. Were they always this rough? Surely the fabric softener did its job, right?
Groaning, you made your way out of bed, your feet planting themselves on the small rug on your side of the bed. It was a soft contrast from your now-cold, rough sheets.
As you took a step toward your dresser, you felt a crunch beneath your left foot. Though it was dark, you could make out the leftover potato chip crumbs from the bag Jason was eating before he went on patrol for the night.
You asked him not to eat it there to prevent this exact scenario, but here you fucking are.
Now, you were annoyed at not only the fact that the sun in Gotham is apparently having the same shitty day as you, but now you also have to clean up something that shouldn't be there in the first place.
Thankfully, it was a Sunday, meaning you had Jason all day to make more fucking messes. Yay.
Your spitefulness wasn't warranted, but in the moment, you didn't care.
As you carried on picking the remains of the food off of your foot, Jason stirs on the bed, scanning the other half of the bed with his arms. Seeing that he can't find what he's looking for, he relents and opens his eyes.
Jason knows something is up.
But, he won't push. Not yet.
"why're you s'far away?" he slurs, half awake and starting to shiver since he flung the covers off looking for you.
You wanted to answer him, you wanted to jump back in his arms and hold onto the scent of his skin forever, but you were too annoyed and anxious to say anything.
"No reason." you quip. Far too snappy for such a groggy early morning. Jason knows you've been up for a while now.
Before any more words could potentially be exchanged, you tugged on a pair of clean sweatpants and one of your own shirts. Usually, you would wear one of Jason's to the point where you genuinely forgot you had your own drawer full of clothes.
You storm your way out of the room quickly and go straight to the bathroom to take off your bonnet and fix your hair.
Lo and behold, the twist out didn't work out as intended, and now your hair didn't look as you wanted. The curls were wonky, there was almost no volume, and the back was still wet.
Your frustrated eyes land on Jason's clippers. Through and impulsive rage, you wanted to take it to your head and juts be done with it. This was not the first time your hair didn't work out, nor the first time you wanted to cut all of it off.
Suddenly back in reality, you begin to feel guilty for snapping at Jason earlier, and thinking so badly of him.
God, is this who I am?
All you wanted to do was burst back in there and hug him and tell him that you didn't mean it and that you were sorry and-
Hot tears began streaming down your face, burning rivers into your sullen face. Above all, you craved Jason, but he deserved the sleep and peace on the rare occasions he has to relax. Why couldn't you be peaceful?
You covered your sobs, which only made your feelings worse. The bathroom tile was too cold, but you were too warm at the same time.
It was so dark but too bright. Your skin felt hot but frigid at the same time.
Every quick expansion of your lungs pushing against your ribcage hurt badly. It didn't help that you were beginning to hyperventilate.
Speaking of hyperventilation, you soon realized that even though you weren't sobbing anymore , you couldn't breathe.
Your lungs were taking in all the air around you but also none at all, and you felt lightheaded.
At the same time, your skin began to itch from the beads of sweat surfacing, and your sharp nails began to dig into your skin to scratch it.
Drag after drag of nails on your skin caused it to feel raw and exposed.
While you were caught in your own whirlwind, you didn't hear Jason call out to you. Or his frantic footsteps when you didn't respond. Or his pleas for you to open your eyes and pay attention to him.
Jason was beyond worried when he saw you, panicked and frightened, digging into your skin and rushed to stop you.
He gently pried your fingers from your skin and made a mental note to talk to you about it later.
"Hey shhh baby, no more of that...it hurt's doesn't it?" he cooed as he began to hold your sharp fingers in his hands.
You nod tentatively, still trying to will air to stay in your lungs for longer than half a second.
"Alright princess, you're gonna breathe with me, okay?" Jason says as he tries to hide how concerned he was in effort to keep you as calm as possible.
"Okay breathe in" he begins, eyes trained on your eyes and hands massaging your palms.
You follow his prompts to the best of your abilities, trying to control your breaths the way he does.
After a few cycles of calm breathing, the guilt has nested itself fully in the pits of your stomach.
How could he be so kind after you thought so ill of him juts a few moments ago?
Surely you didn't deserve this.
Surely, he was playing a sick joke on you.
There's no way that he could actually lo-
"Princess? You here with me?" Jason's calm voice cutting through your thoughts.
You look up at him, shame set deep in your eyes.
"I'm so-"
"Nope." he quips with practices ease.
"But I-" you try again, this time determined.
"No. You will not apologize to me for being human." He insists as he rests his forehead against yours.
You close your eyes at the contact, a stark contrast to the sickly feeling your skin had moments ago.
Your eyes begin to sting once more as thoughts of being undeserving of such kindness resurface. You turn your head away from him and haul yourself up from the floor in effort to avoid him seeing you cry again.
As you turn away to step out the door, barely holding back a sob, Jason's warm, soft hand catches your wrist. Gently, he pulls you back into him and wraps his strong arms around you.
Careful not to crush you, he squeezes, physically pressing all his love for you into the hug as you continued to cry softly.
"'m not upset baby, I promise i'm not" Jason reassures as he rocks you in his arms.
He is all too familiar with the guilt you're feeling and so desperately wishes he could make it go away. He knows what it's like to say and think hurtful things you don't necessarily mean about the people you love.
His arms begin to rub at your back, soothing your inner hurt. You felt safe, calm and protected in his embrace.
Slowly, you calmed and your sobs were reduced to sniffles.
Jason tried to let go and move you, but you clung to his tighter in silent refusal.
He chuckles at you gripping his shirt and barely shaking your head that was buried in his chest.
"Alright, alright. These arms are always yours, love."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i'm so sorry its taking me so long to finish these requests my chronic pain is making it hard to be a human rn
#jason todd drabble#jason todd#jason peter todd#jason todd x you#jason todd x reader#red hood#jason todd comfort#dcu#jason todd fanfiction#jason todd fic#jason todd fluff#jason todd imagine#jason todd x black!reader#robin jason todd#writeblr#writers on tumblr
332 notes
Β·
View notes
Text
[10:37 pm]
ΛΛΛ β‘ ΛΛΛ
you were sitting alone in the room you shared with haechan when you heard some ruckus in the kitchen.
haechan had said a little over an hour ago that he was going to get something to drink, and you weren't aware of how much time had passed. upon hearing the noise, you sprung out of bed to make sure he was alright.
you made it to the kitchen to see a cracked wine glass on the floor, and haechan staring down at it with sleepy eyes.
"honey, what happened?" you ask, trying to stay calm.
"oh hey baby," he responds, slurring his words. "i was just having a few drinks and accidentally dropped my glass.. i'll clean it up don't worry."
he began to stand up but you immediately stop him. "stay here, i can do it."
he nods and you start cleaning, picking up the bigger glass pieces first.
after you triple check for any left over shards of glass, you walk over to the table to see exactly how much he'd drank.
on the table sat an empty bottle of wine, and another unopened one. if he didn't drop the glass, he'd probably have kept drinking.. you realized, almost grateful for the mess he made.
"haechan.. you know you're not supposed to drink that much," he looks at you with lidded eyes as you rub your forehead.
"so pretty.." he mumbles, clumsily grabbing your waist. he pulls you over to him so that you're now standing in between his legs, his hands rested on your hips.
"what am i gonna do with you.." you sigh.
"it doesn't matter," he smiles up at you. "i just want you in there." he motions towards your bedroom, leaving your face red.
"nope, you gotta rest first."
his lips form into a small pout, leaving a small kiss on your neck.
"pleaseeee i'll be good," he practically begs, but you still don't agree.
one more kiss, this time a little below the waitband of your pants. he looks up at you with lust filled eyes.
you pull him to his feet, making him stumble a little. "c'mon lets go relax love."
he opens his mouth to talk, but you put a finger to his lips to shut him up. he follows you to the living room, holding your hand. sitting down on the couch, you pull him down next to you. he immediately cuddles to your side, leaving small kisses all over your face and neck. his eyes are foggy, making them look darker than they actually are. he has this blushy glow to him, making him seem even more appealing.
"how have you not blacked out yet," you ask sarcastically.
"i'on know.. i'm just good at drinking i guess."
you give him an annoyed smile as he ducks his face into the crook of your neck. he looks up at you, pusing a strand of hair out of your face, clumsily smashing your lips together.
"why are you so pretty...." he asks fully serious, pouting slightly.
"i'm only being pretty for you. now, do you want to watch a movie?"
"i just wanna look at you. you're my favorite tv show, y/n."
even though he's just saying things because he's drunk, you blush at his words. he seriously is a nuisance sometimes, but you have to admit; he's definitely good at flirting.
you wrap your arms around his waist, cuddling him so he'll leave you alone. he whines briefly, grabbing your hand and placing it on his head. you play with his hair, brushing it with your fingers, tugging at it slightly just the way he likes.
"y/n.." he whimpers.
"hm?" you mumble.
"kiss me, please."
you move your hand from his hair to his chin, tilting it towards your face so he can kiss you. he dives into the kiss with no hesitation, lips still tasting like wine. he's sloppy with the way he kisses you, but not in a gross way. when he's drunk, haechan kisses you in a way that seems territorial. he acts like someone is going to steal you if his lips aren't on yours in that exact moment.
he pulls away, satisfied. "you taste so sweet."
you hum in response, not daring to break the eye contact he is blessing you with. the only word you could use to describe him in that moment was ethereal. sure, it sounded cheesey but it was true. very true.
"y/n.." he pouts, "i'm tired."
"you can fall asleep, i'm right here."
he nods at your reassuring words, and it only takes a couple strokes at his scalp for him to be completely slumped. his hands are wrapped around your waist in a death grip, hair messy from it being messed with, and way he looks while he sleeps sends a swarm of butterflies to your stomach.
after a few minutes, you fall asleep right there with him, comforted by his touch, smell, and feel.
#nct dream#nct 127#nct#nct u#wayv#kpop#nct fluff#nct fanfic#haechan fluff#haechan nct#HAPPY HAECHAN DAY#tigermark
340 notes
Β·
View notes
Text
am i nice to you?
~ bakugou katsuki x fem!reader
~ tags/cw: aged up bakugou, angst, drunk reader, unrequited love, established friendships,
~ wc: 1k
~ And I sit on the curb 'cause it's the prettiest night, With no one else in sight - Drunk Walk Home : Mitski
~ "Why doesn't he like me?" "Cause he's an idiot."
Part one is here x
Bakugou finds you sitting on the curb in the middle of the night while coming home from the gym. He hadn't known it was you when he stopped; he just stopped because what kind of person is he if he drove past a woman sitting in the gutter? But as he shouts at you from within his car, he realises who you are.Β
"Why didn't you call me?" he pulls up the park break. "I gave you my number for this exact reason!"
"Bakugou?" your voice is hoarse.Β
"Yes, weβve done this bit before now why are you outside!?"
Katsuki throws open his door but reaches back into the car and retrieves a jacket. He doesn't check for traffic as he steps into the street, gait purposeful in order to reach you before you're swept into the night. You sniff again, using your hand to wipe at the tears that have frozen to your skin and by the time you look up again, he is standing above you with a jacket held out.
"Why are you in the street?" his tone gruff.
"Because the night is pretty, and I want to enjoy it." You lie.
And he stares at you, right brow raising in question. You stare back, bottom lip tucked between your teeth as you fight a frown. He notices your dress, pretty and black but way too short to be worn in the dead of winter, and then your tiny handbag and high heels that had been kicked off.Β
"Are you-"Β
You burst into tears, unable to hold them back and cry into your hands.Β
Katsuki winces, unable to deal with emotion, but for you, he'll try. Crouching down to your level, he wraps his jacket around your shoulders and sits beside you on the dirty curb. He doesn't know how to do this and has never needed to comfort someone before, but you desperately need someone, so he sits there while you cry. He lets you lean your head on his chest and cry until you're wheezing.Β
"Okay, you need to stop." Katsuki frowns, pushing at your shoulders. "you're going to hyperventilate."Β
You don't stop.Β
Falling back into the grass, you cry into the night sky. Blubbered words are shouted into the sky, heartbroken sobs echoing through the desolate street as you empty your soul to the universe and classmate sitting beside you.Β
"Why doesn't he like me?" you ask quietly, hurt in every word.Β
"Cause he's an idiot," BakugouΒ replies, knowing you hadn't asked him the question, but he has the answer.Β
"You don't even know who I'm talking about." your retort is slurred.Β
"I know it's the guy you wore this all for." he lightly kicks your bare foot. "He's stupid."
This is his attempt at comfort.Β
"He is stupid", you agree, tone lifting slightly. "but he's soΒ niceΒ to me." you sigh, hands clutching the dress at your chest.Β
"You're crying in the street; how nice can he actually be?" Bakugou frowns, bending forward to pick up your shoes and bag from the gutter. "Come on, I'll drive you home."Β
You shake your head and sniff. "I don't want to go."
Katsuki knows you're drunk, knows you're probably gonna hurl anytime soon, but he needs to get you out of the cold before your fingers and toes freeze off. He turns to you, bag and shoes in one hand and reaches for your shoulder.Β
"Come on, let's go." he encourages you to sit, hand slipping between your shoulder and the grass below, but you don't move.Β
"Can you just sit with me?" Katsuki has never heard anyone sound so small, so torn apart. "Please, 'Suki."Β
Bakugou pauses at the nickname.Β
"You're going to get frostbite." He mutters, dropping your belongings in favour of tugging his jumper up and over his head to drape over you as you lay on the earth.Β
You look at him, a frown etched into your pretty face and tears welling in your red eyes. His heart breaks at how pathetically gorgeous you look. How, even after sobbing your eyes out, you can still manage to hold him in the palm of your hand and bend him to your every whim.Β
"Five minutes" is the answer to your plea, and he lies beside you.Β
Shoulder to shoulder, you rest on the road verge and stare into space. Katsuki can hear your sniffles from beside him and feel your body move with each shaking breath. He doesn't know what else to do, how else to comfort you in a platonic way, how else to make everything go away, so he does what he thinks he should do.Β
Slipping an arm under your shoulders, he hauls you into his embrace, and when no protest comes from you, he guides your body to lay against his. He lays your head against his chest, your arms following his instructions to wrap around his chest and legs tangling with his; you feel warm. Warmer than you've felt in a while. Bakugou's hands glide up to the base of your neck, sliding into your hair and anchoring in the roots.Β
You lift your head to face him and find him looking down at you. The hand not in your hair skims over your jaw, cupping your face with a gentleness you never knew possible. You had never been held like this, with such tenderness and reverence as if you were something out of this world.Β
A shaky sigh leaves you.
"Am I nice to you?" Katsuki asks softly.
You nod.Β
Katsuki ghosts his thumb over your cheek, swiping up the remnants of the tears that escaped your diligent wiping. You stare up at him, galaxies swirling within your glassy eyes, and it takes everything in him not to lean in and kiss you. His muscles tighten at the impulse, soul pushing him forward to make contact, to seal the fate of your friendship into something more with a simple peck, but he can't. He can't make that move after you have poured your heart out to him. It wouldn't be fair. So, he pulls back from you. Breaking contact and sitting up to collect your things.Β
"Five minutes is up", he murmurs, returning to collect you. "Let's go"
He watches your face fall, hope fading from your eyes as you sit up.Β
God, he was an idiot.Β
a/n: the way i relate to this song is unreal. I remember sitting on the side of the road once throwing up and crying my eyes up all because a guy I liked didn't like me back but I didn't have bakugou come and get me, I had to pick myself up and walk to the train station alone lmao
#πhttp tokki#itβs 12am pls be nice Iβm tired and need to upload this#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugo katuski#bnha bakugou#bakugou katsuki#bakugou x reader#katsuki x you#katsuki x reader#bnha fanfic#katsuki fluff#bnha bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugou x you#bakugou angst#one shot
309 notes
Β·
View notes
Text
The Sheriffβs Daughter
Kayce gets arrested and his girlfriend bails him out where he learns who her father actually is.
Exiting my fatherβs office in the police station I rushed over to my boyfriend Kayce who had two officers standing in front of him. I had gotten a phone call from him being arrested at the local bar. Lowering myself onto my knees in front of him I take his hands in mine where they left me alone with him. βLeave us alone, officersβ¦Kayce tell me what happened.β
βGlad I am a terrible father Y/n. Monica and Iβ¦had a fight about my sonβ¦wanting to. To be like me when he grows up.β He slurred his words and I could smell alcohol on his breath. βYouβreβ¦soβ¦beautiful.β
Nodding my head at him I got up getting him some water and a bucket since he looked like he was about to puke. βThank you, Kayce. Youβre not a bad father - oh there you go.β He bent over in the chair where I handed him the bucket and he threw up some until he laid his head back sobering up some after that.
Brushing his brown curly hair from his eyes I sent him a sympathy look knowing he wouldnβt normally get like this unless it was a really bad fight. He tilted his head to the side finally looking at me. βHow did you get here so fastβ¦Are you working part time here or something?β He asked me slowly taking sips of his water.
Instead of answering him I just silently stared at the young Dutton. Kayce and I had started dating shortly after he divorced from his wife Monica and they got joined custody of their son Tate. But I didnβt tell him exactly who my father was because after I did every other relationship got awkward for me. Yet I couldnβt hide it when the sheriff office door opened where I saw my father coming towards us. βSweetheart, you can leave us now. I need to speak with Mr. Dutton here.β
βSweetheartβ¦wait I donβt understand.β Kayce knitted his brows together beginning to sober up more when he shifted his gaze between the sheriff and me. βIs he your father?β
Dropping my gaze to the floor I didnβt answer him since my father already stepped in between us when I rose to my feet away from him. βMr. Dutton, I donβt know what is going on here. But I have a job to do. Now you weβre driving way over the normal influence-β
βDaddy wait.β I blurted out making my father sheriff Haskell look back at me. βPlease donβt charge him. He didnβt hurt anybody on the road and the bartender should have taken his keyβs before he left. So it should be the bartenderβs fault not his.β
My father stepped towards me where our eyes locked onto one another. βIβll let him off the hook just this once since John wouldnβt be happy to bail his son out.β
βThank you, daddy - uh I mean Sheriff Haskell.β I corrected myself since some of his officers and the others who were spending the night in jail could hear us.
My father nodded walking back towards his office shutting the door behind him. βIβd suggest telling that boy the truth. I know why you didnβt tell him. But he deserves to knowβ¦take him home and Iβll pick you up in the morning.β
Shifting my gaze back to Kayce he ran a hand through his natural curls leaning back in his chair trailing off in shock. βWhy Y/n. Why didnβt you think you could tell me that youβre freaking father was Sheriff Donny Haskell.β
βTo avoid the exact situation weβre having now and the expression youβre giving me.β Shoving my hands into my jacket pockets I blurted out to the rancher.
Kayce raised a hand but he dropped it back into his lap. βI donβt understand - why donβt you want me looking at you like this because this is a pretty big deal.β
βBecause Kayce Iβve seen it every time I date someone and they find out. Our whole relationship changes and they start acting differently. Like I understand they donβt want to get in trouble with the law. But Iβ¦I was just afraid the same thing would happen if you found out. Now that it hasβ¦I hate to think that we wonβt make it like my other ex boyfriendβsβ¦cause I really really like you Kayce Dutton.β Throwing my hands up into my hair I paced back and forth in front of him letting some nervous tears slip down my face.
Kayce quickly rose to his feet causing me to halt in my tracks staring at him. He strides forward closing the gap between us cupping my face in his hands kissing me. βI would never break up with you because of who youβre father is. And any man who has done that is a dumbass.β
βKayce, youβre not joking with me right?β Moving my hands against his chest I gasped still dazed from the kiss.
He rested his forehead against mine still holding my face in his fingers. βIβm not joking, darling. I really like being with you too. Regardless of you being the sheriffβs daughter.β
Leaning up on my toes I pressed my lips up onto his. Wrapping my arms around his neck I moaned into it when one of his hands tugged through my hair. βWe should get you home before we got any further or my dad wonβt be happy to see us kissing.β I warned him when I felt his other hand going underneath my shirt with his hand resting on my bare back.
"Yeah you're probably right. I'm just sorry I can't take you out for our date like we talked about." Kayce nodded in agreement kissing my forehead with a kind smile.
Taking his hand in mine I lead him outside to his truck once he handed me the keys. "Don't worry I know you'll make it up to me later." I sent him a wink lightly blushing with a smirk knowing he knew what I was getting at.
"Oh you bet your boots, Y/n. I think it time I take you out to the summer camp..for a weekend getaway." He climbed in the passenger seat watching me drive where he sends me a wink back removing his hat from his head just holding it.
When we finally got home I barely got out of the truck before he scopped me up in his arms placing his black cowboy hat on my head when I squealed. "Ah Kayce!"
"You're under arrest for being far too adorable the whole night." He teased me kicking open the front door and he carried me upstairs stumbling a little on the way since he still had some alcohol in his system.
Once we reached his room, he gently threw me onto the bed, ditching his black and white flannel shirt when he crawled above me. "And you're under arrest for making your girlfriend have to bail your ass out." I pocked him in the middle of his chest but I was grinning ear to ear the whole time.
"Well I know a way to make it up to her..." He leans down capturing his lips down onto mine slowly. Threading my fingers into his locks he moaned when I tugged on some of them. "Mmm...I love you."
Breaking the kiss I slowly shrugged my shirt over my head knowing we had a long night ahead of us not that I was complaining though. "I love you too." I mumbled back moving my hands to the back of his neck drawing him down in for another kiss that quickly became passionate.
Comments really appreciated β€οΈ
#kayce dutton x reader#kayce dutton imagine#kayce dutton fanfiction#kayce dutton#kayce dutton x fem!reader#yellowstone kayce dutton#kayce dutton x reader fanfiction#luke grimes#yellowstone fans#yellowstone masterlist#yellowstone imagine#yellowstone x reader#yellowstone one shot#sheriff haskell#ask box is open for anything#requests open#yellowstone#comments really appreciated
257 notes
Β·
View notes
Note
i hope this doesn't sound like a silly or weird thing to send you, but i'm autistic and have long thought of nico and a handful of other riordanverse characters as autistic and i love your posts about why nico in particular seems intentionally autistic-coded. but i've been thinking, if rick did intend for any of his characters to be autistic, why wouldn't he say so outside of the text at least? i can't think of a good reason why not, when he goes out of his way to be explicit about so many other characters' various marginalized identities and has confirmed things like reyna being asexual outside of the original text. so it gives me this nagging sort of doubt that maybe rick just made nico come off as so extremely autistic coded by accident, somehow. if it wasn't an accident i do kind of wish he'd say so because there's next to zero explicitly stated autistic representation in, like, any media so it'd be nice to have here even if not strictly necessary. either way though, like i said, i love your posts and i agree with you 100% about autistic nico! some others i like to think are autistic are annabeth and leo.
(Most of this is gonna be kind of a tangential ramble to your point and i apologize in advance just bear with me)
This actually touches upon something I've been meaning to do a write-up on recently, which is: depending on the coding, that is our explicit statement. In most coding, actually, that's kind of the point. (Also something something Death of the Author.)
You may have noticed a recent trend across media of characters saying things directly rather than expressing them in a natural way, and often this includes incredibly stilted dialogue of characters explaining things in very politically correct, wikipedia-esque descriptions and terminology that make absolutely no sense for the characters' personalities or mannerisms. This is born out of the idea that if something is not stated in explicit terms, no amount of evidence below an outright direct exact statement will ever count - if two characters of the same gender have an explicit kiss and wedding on-screen, it doesn't matter because they never said the word "gay," etc etc.
In PJO, prior to more recent books, we get plenty of examples of characters explaining parts of their identities without direct statements. Percy never needs to say in outright terms that he has PTSD from Gabe - and it doesn't make sense that he would! He's 12! He's never been diagnosed for that. He probably doesn't even know what PTSD is really. But we, the audience, know without a doubt he has PTSD, because it is clearly expressed to us. That is coding. Tyson is coded as having down syndrome. Nico is coded as being autistic. It doesn't make sense for Nico to turn to the camera and explain that he's autistic and what that means, because he definitely never got diagnosed for it and probably doesn't know what that means cause the diagnosis literally did not exist when he was growing up - and heck, autism terminology was still kind of getting sorted out back in 2007 when TTC was published, so it's unlikely we could have feasibly gotten any exact terminology wink-wink-nudge-nudges short of something like how Percy outright mentions other students called Tyson the r-slur in Sea of Monsters. And in fact we see that same exact style of coding with Nico later on in the series. Nico never turns to the camera and says word-for-word "I am gay, I am mlm, here's me wearing my exact pride flags" (until TOA/TSATS, which... did the exact thing i mentioned about characters speaking like theyre trying to get a good grade in therapy, or giving a powerpoint presentation). But it is never unclear that HoO is telling us outright that Nico is gay. It's not just hinted at. It's there, in your face. But entirely because no one ever outright says "gay" specifically it's technically still only coding. We know he's gay, we know the characters have trauma/ptsd, etc etc. We don't need it spelled out - that's just kind of condescending. It's like if you said describing a character with "eyes like moss" means they were "green-eye coded."
Nico being autistic-coded isn't hidden. It's not a secret. It's very overt. If you know what autism looks like, well, yeah, there he is. Even if you only know very vague 2007 media presentation of autism, Nico in TTC is easily recognizable enough as autistic because that's the point. Tyson is easily recognizable as being coded as having down syndrome and it's very clearly very intentional! It's just never spoon-fed in exact terms to the reader because it's not necessary! You've already been told the information necessary to tell you what is up with this character, so just plainly going "oh they're [x] in exact terms" is very much telling-not-showing and feels redundant. And while there are places for that kind of thing, most of the time it's very unnecessary. Sometimes coding is subtle, sometimes it's obvious, and yeah there are times where writers code characters unintentionally, but the textual evidence is there, and that's the whole point.
And that's what Death of the Author is about - it doesn't matter what the author intended at the end of the day, because if it's in the text it's in the text. You can look at author intent to try and figure out what that text means, but the text is the text. A Separate Peace is a very classic example - author John Knowles denies there being homosexual subtext, and meanwhile one of the protagonists living in 1942 puts on a pink shirt while saying he doesn't mind of people think of him as gay. What the author says after the fact doesn't matter - if it's there, it's there. So Rick saying anything outside of the books is completely irrelevant. And Rick talks about this a lot - he actively tells people that his statements outside of the books are just his own thoughts, but what's in the books is what's in the books, and if the text supports it then that's all the evidence you need.
Nico specifically is a case where yeah, he's clearly autistic-coded. It's very obvious and very obviously intentional when he's younger, and as the books progress it remains a background trait of his but is still notable (except for when it gets forgotten in TOA/TSATS like everything else, including the adhd/dyslexia, but i digress). It's a clear pattern within the first few books that Rick is intentionally including. It doesn't make sense, especially for the year the book was published, for the reader to be directly told in explicit terminology that Nico is autistic, because the reader is already being told that Nico is autistic.
And yeah, Rick doesn't mention Nico being autistic-coded outside of the text, but he also doesn't mention Tyson being coded as having down syndrome. He also said one time that Percy doesn't have PTSD at all, which is very incorrect starting from book 1. Again, Death of the Author. Whatever Rick says outside of the books does not matter, because he already said it in the books. And there's plenty of other stuff in the books that Rick doesn't touch upon, particularly relating to character identity - did you know Leo is Native? Sammy mentions that the Valdez family is Native in Son of Neptune but we don't get any specifics and then it's like never brought up again anywhere. That happens all the time in the series - and outside of the series - Rick can't possibly address every single point to confirm/deny everything from the books. That's what analysis is for! And that's why my blog exists π
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#autistic nico#analysis#ask#Anonymous#long post //#tone indicator just to be sure cause i know i used a lot of italics: this is all non-agressive/not mad i prommy#im just very passionate about this topic (coding & fandom concepts surrounding ''canon'' + death of the author)#also controversial opinion cause i know some people have talked about wanting the use of the r-slur in SoM censored#but i think it should stay because. well. yeah no that was still very commonly used in 2006#trust me i heard it a lot. i was there. in fact it was commonly used after that point. for awhile.#it wasnt until like a bit into the 2010s iirc that campaigns started to go ''hey maybe. dont use that word.''#like that was RECENT#and yeah! these books are not old! TLT is only just coming up on 20 years. thats not super old for a book!#and yeah! that term was considered a-okay terminology to be used in a middle grade book in 2006! which is startling to think now!#but that's also why it's important to not erase that#because otherwise you forget that up until very recently that word was considered Perfectly Acceptable#and in SoM it's even specifically acknowledged to be used in a hurtful way! Percy is actively condemning it!#like. dont put it in the show or whatever. obviously. replace it with a different indication/coding to explain Tyson's struggles#not that i think Disney would put the r-slur in their show. but like. dont erase it from the book??? from 2006??????#i am frightened to see how the show will handle tyson though. its not gonna go well i can feel it in my bones#anyways man i should post that excerpt from A Separate Peace though#just cause that scene has lived in my brain rent-free for years
73 notes
Β·
View notes
Text
1st age Beleriand dashboard simulator β’ part 2 (this time with Men!)
Part 1 here
π² find-me-in-dorthonion following
is it weird to get existential dread when you think on how short our lives must seem to elves?
#musings #edainsafespace
12 notes
π» sunflower-south
Doriath is problematic
Am I the only person to think that there's something very wrong with how the Doriathrim sit safe behind their girdle while the rest of us is exposed to enemy attacks?
π 0r0ph3r following
Are we then supposed to remove the girdle in the name of "solidarity"??
I can't even begin to list everything that's bonkers with your premise.
#noldor being entitled jerks
43 148 notes
π remembering-deep following
I wish there was a way to report people for using quenya on here. ugh
57 notes
πhouse-of-finrod following
The way some of the people here talk about the secondborn is sick, to be honest. They're Eruhini, they're not animals, they're not worthless, they're not usurpers, they're not to be called slurs, and I don't care what FΓ«anor said or didn't say, I thought it was well accepted those are the lies of our common enemy!
#and if I hear one more person say mortal deaths in the war don't matter because they didn't have much to live anyway I will personally strangle them #tw anti-edain sentiment
2 771 notes
ππ½iglishmek following
Reminder: if you wouldn't say "engwa", don't say "nogoth" either, both are slurs.
πsay-ros
But I would say "engwa" xd
and I know some people use one and not the other cause they think the naugrim are worse even than the engwar; I obviously don't, both of you are so low down one can't get lower - but I don't argue with them.
ππ½iglishmek following
I will not dignify this with a response.
#ugh I thought I had him blocked though #amended now #wonder if it's the same one that's been harassing me on anon
23 notes
π daily-polls
99 837 votes β’ 1 day 3 hours
π daughterofdoriath following
#uhhh #stating the exact mix would be as good as telling you my name #guess I'm one of a kind haha #but at the same time I'm also as Sinda as they come
19 900 notes
π€marchwardennn-deactivated2212455
we've received news of an attack... seems more serious than usual... if I stop posting you know what hit me.
#i don't suppose there's a tag for #that weird fire in the north #oh wait wdym there is?? #love y'all #hold tight
17 notes
#and so we've reached the Bragollach#part 3 - the great tales included - hopefully incoming#Saeros seems the kind of person to engage in anon hate...#//#my post#tolkien#Silmarillion#edain#noldor#lΓΊthien tinΓΊviel#saeros#Doriath#unreality#in-universe texts#in universe documents
79 notes
Β·
View notes
Text
Severus Snape rant
Disclaimer: I don't support JK Rowling's views and I'm not a TERF. TERFs, DNI for you.
Sorry for ranting, y'all. I'll try to keep things quick (note from the future: be warned. I failed). Spoilers and mentions of friendship toxicity and bullying under the cut.
By the way, for this I am generally talking about regular canon. When I discuss things people think about this, the headcanons are generally assumed to go alongside regular canon to complement it. I understand that there are fix-it fics out there where everyone is happy, and while I love that, I'm talking about how JK Rowling let it play out.
UPDATE:
Donβt interact with this post if you only want to insult me/my writing style. I am not accusing anyone of doing this, but I can see that there is a very definitive downward spiral, and I donβt want to see the bottom of it. However, I am willing to listen to arguments until things turn into personal attacks.
I donβt care that much about Snape: just a few lines on a page. I understand people have strong opinions on him (me too!). Thatβs fine. But Iβm a real person, just like all the people on this platform (well, except bots). Letβs embrace that, and focus on the fact that we are all, in the end, Harry Potter fans.
Kat out.
Let me start with this: Severus Snape shouldn't be with Lily.
To keep to the simple stuff and the things most people can agree on first, no one "deserves" Lily. In this post, I was nearly guilty myself of talking like this, but please keep in mind: Lily Evans is not some kind of consolation prize, something given out to whoever is deemed the most worthy, the most angsty, whatever. Regardless of Snape's virtues (or lack of them: but give me a sec) he won't somehow earn the right to be in a romantic pairing with Lily. In all the stuff on the table in terms of how Lily viewed Snape, she wanted a platonic relationship. So that's part of what I have an issue with: talking about canon as if there was any part of romantic thing on the table. Lily never had a crush on Snape. It was a one-sided thing.
Now, to controversy. Let's address some common reasons for why people say Lily shouldn't have ditched Snape and why these shouldn't excuse his behavior. Keep in mind I'm talking about things that happened before Lily's death, because after death doesn't really matter to her. She's dead by then.
Snape had a bad home/school life.
That's true. But he then chose to continue the cycle of pain by joining a pureblood supremacist group and calling fellow students slurs?
2. The Marauders did some terrible stuff to him.
I really need a disclaimer here. THIS WAS TERRIBLE, AND I HATED IT, AND THE MARAUDERS WERE COMPLETELY IN THE WRONG HERE.
But this post isn't defending the Marauders, it's arguing that Lily was justified in choosing to let go of their friendship.
Anyway, this is an irrelevant excuse for why Lily should remain friends with him, because she thought this was terrible too... and then Severus screamed a slur at her when she was trying to help him. Way to go, Snape.
3. He loved Lily.
Hold up. Stop the clock.
Wut.
Wut.
Okay, this needs to be a new section. Let's call it:
Being In Love With Someone Doesn't Excuse Your Actions Towards Them
Quick story time, cause this section uses an extensive metaphor. IRL, I used to be best friends with this girl. She was toxic and refused to change.
Her excuses for why I should keep hanging out with her?
Current mental health situation.
Things just "slipped out". (Yeah, Snape LITERALLY USED THIS EXACT EXCUSE)
I was really important to her (So was Lily to Snape)
I stopped being friends with this girl regardless, because her actions harmed my mental health, isolated me, etc.
(And before someone says friendship is different etc. she had a crush on me two Valentine's days in a row and I'm unsure if she still does)
These are all excuses. Let's define that word for a second.
"attempt toΒ lessenΒ the blameΒ attachingΒ to (a fault orΒ offense); seek to defend or justify." -Oxford Languages from Google.
Contrast with an apology, where someone actually tries to make things better. Snape constantly gives excuses. His apology comes much, much too late in the form of begging Lily. Now, with my own toxic friend, she also claimed to want to make things better.
In the case of both Snape and Toxic Friend, they'd continually insisted it wasn't their fault, ignoring the problems in the relationship and not making an effort to fix them. By the time Lily and I broke things off, we'd made up our minds. We turned away and felt good about it, because they negatively impacted our lives.
Maybe Snape was in love. Maybe my friend really wanted to be friends with me. Both are probable.
Still, neither followed through on the steps necessary for a good friendship.
Depersonification, aka Lily is a Person Not A Shiny Toy, Severus
Crack open your books, hit play on the movie, or simply recall as we all remember how Snape looked at Lily.
In the books (won't mention the movies because I didn't watch them) he looks at Lily and Harry sees "undisguised greed" in his eyes. Um...
Snape's fine with hurting Petunia, figuratively and literally.
He ignores what Lily is actually trying to say to him once she tells him what he wants to hear.
And calling her Mudblood. (Can't help myself interrupting here: I myself never 'just accidentally' call someone a racial slur. That's because I don't use them, so they aren't exactly waiting on the tip of my tongue).
All of the things he does are in there for a reason. JK Rowling is trying to unsettle us, and she succeeded. Snape seems to view Lily as an accomplishment, an achievement, a plaything to be admired.
Why?
He never takes Lily's feelings into consideration. Not once until it negatively impacts him. Look at where he comforts Lily: when it looks like they've made a mistake and hurt Petunia.
When Lily gives up on him.
And I know: there was more, there was more, there was more.
Potions homework done together.
Eager chatter between classes.
It's not black and white.
But these are the scenes JK Rowling has decided will give you the best impression of their friendship. She didn't pick tender scenes with cocoa and cookies because that isn't a theme in this friendship.
And onwards to:
They Used To Be Friends, Why Did Lily Stop Talking To Him Like This
It's hard to know what a person is truly like. You only know what people show you, and they hold back the worst of themselves at first. In Lily's first scenes, she doesn't know everything. She doesn't see the greedy looks he gives her. He is a new boy about her age who understands her like nobody else in town could.
Years go by. He calls people like her "Mudblood", he makes friends with awful classmates who do illegal and immoral things and are rumored to be training for war. The other side of the war, the one that kills people.
He shows her the worse sides.
By the time he calls her Mudblood, she has already tried to stop him from going down the wrong path. He's ignored her and ignored her and she finally snaps.
Can you blame her?
This apology seems like yet another excuse, a means to an end of keeping her by his side.
She's had enough.
Conclusion
So concludes the saga of Lily and Severus.
As he makes his decisions and she hers, Lily perishes saving a son whom Snape will later torment in her classes.
Harry grows up.
Snape oversees the creation of a school designed for indoctrination, watching passively as cruciatus curses are dished out. Her son meets him on the battlefield.
Voldemort gets to Snape first.
And thus, Snape meets his end.
And that's it, because things work out like that sometimes. Snape chose his path in life. Lily responded accordingly. And years later, he continued to stay stagnant in character growth, even becoming a child's worst fear from his unequally distributed cruelty.
A note:
If you disagree, feel free to debate me! I enjoy calm discussions. HOWEVER, please remember that we are all, in the end, people with lives and feelings, so donβt scream at me if you donβt agree with what Iβve said here.
#severus snape#harry potter#anti severus snape#snape#lily evans#lily potter#lily evans potter#long post#rant post#toxic relationship#donβt hate me#snape and lily#snily#severus and lily
78 notes
Β·
View notes
Text
[β] - πππ πππππππ ππ ππ π
ππ ππππ ππππππ
notes : kodzuken pls pay my bills
warnings : kinda ooc shirabu, atsumu not rlly wanting to be a dad
pairings : various setters x fem!reader, reader is Iwaizumi's sister in oikawa's part
πππππ ππππππ - ππππππππ ππ
πππππππππππ
He's a very busy man. Being a stock trader, a pro gamer, a youtube content creator, and a ceo all at once wasn't something many could do. It was clear that he didn't wan't to be in a relationship and didn't have time to be in one anyways. But, his mother has always loved the idea of her son having a 'traditional' family. He didn't want to upset his mother, so he agreed to marry the girl his mother picked for him, you. At first, he tried to ignore you, but how long can you ignore someone who literally lives in the same household as you?
"If you want to live here, you have to make yourself useful."
πππππ πππππππ - ππππππ ππππππ
You and Keiji had broken up a long time ago. The last year of highschool, to be exact. It was just a normal first relationship and you both broke up on good terms. It only lasted a few months, anyways. But within those few months, you developed a special admiration for him. He wasn't just 'any other guy that you had dated', he was politer and his reserved nature made you feel comfortable. So, when you two bumped into each other seven years later, you two tried to give it another shot. That's when you realized that Keiji didn't really change at all, he was still him.
"It was right person wrong time, and this might just be the right time."
πππππ ππππππ - πππππππ'π ππππ π
πππππ
You're the younger sister of Hajime Iwaizumi, so you've known Oikawa for many years. You were really close to him, you even knew some things about Tooru that not even your brother knew. There was always a bond between you two, but you thought that Hajime would get mad if you spoke out about it. During Hajime's wedding, Tooru had had way too many drinks and was saying whatever comes to his head without thinking. You were having fun watching him slur his words and say the dumbest stuff ever, until he said something about you.
"No, I am not drunk! If I was, I'd say how much I wanna kiss you right now."
πππππππ πππππππ - ππ
π
πππ πππππππ
He was one of the most successful doctors in the country, while you were just an average nurse. You were scared of approaching him, it didn't seem like he wanted to waste his time talking to someone like you. You knew that it wouldn't be good to keep your feelings hidden, so you managed to pluck up the courage to finally go up to him during his lunch break. You asked him a few things about his job, and luckily, it went well! You tried not to get your hopes up after just a small interaction, but you could feel that everything would continue to get better after this.
"You're not one of those girls who're gonna ask me for my snapchat, right?"
ππππππ ππππ - ππ-πππππππππ
You got pregnant at seventeen, so it was expected that Atsumu didn't want to ruin his bright future by taking care of a kid. The boy tried to avoid talking or even thinking about you and the baby at any cost. You were a girl of the past to him. But, that hatred he had for you all faded away when he saw you with your 3-year-old daughter, he couldn't help but want to be in his daughter's life. He was brave enough to reach out to you and ask to start over. So, you gave him the chance to visit his daughter once a week. But, he wanted more than that.
"Is wanting to be a part of both of your lives too much to ask?"
πππππ ππππππππ - πππ πππ ππππ
If he was the moon, then you were his sun. Even if he would never admit it, you made his day brighter by doing the smallest of things. Unfortunately, you two never had the time to actually hangout and spend time because of him always being attached to volleyball. Even with the small part of his daily life that you were in, you almost always seemed to make it better for him. He didn't really even know why. You packed his lunch, helped him with his studies, tied his shoes (he can't tie shoes lol), the list just goes on. There were some times when he thoughtβ
"Do I make her as happy as she makes me?"
Requests are open!
#haikyuu!!#hq#hq!!#kenma kozume#x reader#atsumu miya#shirabu kenjirou#tobio kageyama#oikawa toruu#haikyuu fluff#book tropes#[β]
175 notes
Β·
View notes
Note
Tw: dubcon, noncon, more incel!Idia, choking, attempt at running away, bdsm themes, etc.
Oh little kitten wants to take the lead? That's new, Idia obliges to let you take the lead to ride him, oh such an obedient little kitten you have become, you even want to pleasure him out of your own will!
You slowly sink on his dick in your stupidly slutty get up (a maid outfit that can spill your breasts, it doesn't matter big or small it will spill from how thin and small the coverage from the fabric is. Also a tiny skirt. Idia forbids you to wear underwear)
As you were pulsing on him, thinking he is almost climaxing, your hands grip on his neck, genuinely trying to choke him to his death, Idia passes out.
You took this chance with your wobbly legs and skimpy dress to run out of the dorm. Where should you go?
Octavinelle can provide protection but you would need to give something in return. Also there is no telling that they themselves wouldn't assault you too.
Heartslabyul would cause you to be collared and disciplined by Riddle though they can provide protection. But then again it's not worth the trouble.
Savannah Claw is the den of bullies, it would require a lot of strength to even reach out to Leona/Ruggie and they aren't even guaranteed to help you, Jack is most likely already asleep in this hour.
Pomefiore seems promising but that creepy stalker Rook is not up to any good.
Diasomnia sounds like the best choice, there is no way that Malleus would have any malicious intent against his favourite child of man right?
As darling finished pondering in which dorm to go to, you jumped into the mirror in which they end up in the hall of mirrors, they spotted teachers who would at least keep them safe until you reach a good dorm.
Flashes of horror can be seen in your eyes, not a single teacher cared nor did they want to help you, especially not in that get up,
"Isn't that the dumb mutt who ditched my class for the last 30 days? Why should I help you, from what I see, you were just busy goofing around being a slut." Crewel sneered.
A similar answer was what you got from the other teachers, as you were about to dip into the Diasomnia mirror, a long pale arm was holding your neck into a headlock.
"You think you can get away with choking me then attempting to flee?"
"How did you find me?"
"Are you stupid? I have a tracker planted somewhere on your body, you will never be able to find where, but wherever you go I will always take you back, there's no point in running. No one will ever help you."
"Let me go you disgusting creep, don't touch me!"
"You didn't change one bit, stupid slut. Just flaunting yourself to everyone in public, did you really want to be a communal cumdump? And I was being so generous to save you from these wolves."
Your body feels shivers, cold sweat all over. Why does Idia seem so scary now?
He brings you back to his dorm, this time he put a collar on you that you can't take off without his assistance, the collar electrocutes you (only enough to make you feel it but not actually hurt you fatally) when you run out of the "safe" zone. It also sets alarms all over the dorm.
He decided on actual mind break to punish this kitten. He starts by spanking you with his own hands, then an electric paddle. A vibrator taped on your nipples, clit, and a fuck machine of his exact size, no matter what he uses you still clamp uncomfortably.
It gets worse from there. You can't even talk properly, all you can do is slur his name by the time he was done, he truly has made you into his cumdump.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I kinda wanted to write Azul too but I haven't had a clear image on what I should write huhuhu
IZUNA, I AM CLAWING AT THE WALLS OMG!!! this is so good... orz everyone really is against reader here. No one will bother helping, so now you're stuck with Idia forever. </3 Knowing Crowley, he wouldn't do anything because Idia's parents are rich and have probably helped the school like how the Asim family has made donations and such. And Crowley can't say no to lots of money generous donations!
Maybe the collar he puts on you has a little bell on it so you're more like a kitten. <3 by default, you have to wear cat ears and a tail plug. It would totally ruin the immersion if you didn't! He buys you lots of revealing outfits and cosplays to go with the cat look, and when you're finally, truly broken down and obedient then he can possibly trust you. Still, it's annoying you'd try to kill him and then run. Where else can you go? No one in any of the dorms is willing to help, the professors will mind their business because they're nowhere near as influential or wealthy as the Shroud family, and you're not very familiar with the town beyond NRC. Good luck trying to get off the island as well. You are, in all ways possible, trapped. And Idia knows this, and he uses it to his advantage.
His level difficulty really is that of a final boss. >:)
#twisted chit chat#yandere twst#n/sfw#tw: dubcon#tw: noncon#video-game-luvr#omg could you imagine idia bringing you to board game club to show you off to azul#and when he leaves the room temporarily for whatever reason (probably to get more snacks)#you beg azul to help you#saying that you'll sign a contract work for him do whatever it takes as long as he takes you away from idia#and azul acts oh so kind and sweet but the truth is he's just like idia if not worse#azul on the outside: D: you poor thing of course i'll help take you away from that scary brute#azul on the inside: >:) yes yes YES FINALLY
303 notes
Β·
View notes
Note
hi! this is a question about pansexuality that i fear asking. tbh i don't really care what anyone identifies as. everyone's part of my community to me. i am trying to wrap my head around bi v pan stuff as someone who is neither. i know bisexuals who are critical of the pan label because to them it distinguishes bisexuality as starkly Not being pansexuality. when definitions of bisexuality have included "attraction regardless of gender, or to all genders (and including trans and nb people)" for many bisexuals since like the 70s which is how i see pansexuality defined a lot of the time
i know that bi and pan have always been concurrent labels and they have a lot of overlap and that some ppl use them interchangeably. and i truly don't care that ppl id as pan. but i do feel weird seeing it juxtaposed to definitions of bisexuality that aren't inclusive of all bisexuals? (ie that bisexuals aren't attracted to ALL genders, just two or more.. when many bisexuals Are attracted to all genders! part of bisexual history is that people have been fighting to let others know Bisexuality is more inclusive than the literal like latin meaning of bi = two). i don't know where to stand on this divide. i love pansexuals and the pan label and the right to self determination in identity but i do understand the argument that it feels hurtful in a biphobic way to say it is inherently a distinct sexuality from being bisexual when it's. like. many bi and pan ppl would define their sexuality in the exact same way other than a difference in specific label. i feel like people hate this opinion lmao!!! please help! even if you hate my opinion too i literally feel like i need guidance KDBDBS
Tbh I think there's a lot of historical context to this whole convo, and I don't think you're alone in being confused. And honestly given the amount of info you have, I think you're in a pretty respectable spot about it. (And I say "historical" here in the sense that I am. 25. and I'm mostly talking about the things I have either seen firsthand, or read about/heard about from others.)
So like- when I was a Young Queer, it was very common for people to define "bi" as meaning "men and women" (or even "cis men and cis women"), and thus "pan" rose to popularity as an alternative to essentially mean "everyone, including trans and nonbinary people".
This was like, early 2010's? And I'm talking about other Young Queer spaces and interactions. And you kind of have to remember that in that time, it was kind of radical to tell people not to call things "gay" if they didn't like them. Joking that people were trans (usually in terms like "lol Justin Beiber is a lesbian") was common even in progressive spaces. I was stunned when a friend of mine asserted that they were just gonna stop using the r-slur, like, at all.
So I can kind of understand why "pan" might have felt like a needed thing at the time. I think it felt like a kind of shorthand for "I'm cool with trans people", and at least from my perspective, that was something you very much needed to state back then.
I think there are a lot of people my age who, if they don't still understand "bi" and "pan" that way, at least kind of "get" where that definition is coming from. And yeah, it's ahistorical as hell! "Bi" has always been inclusive of trans people. Not to mention people have been defining it all sorts of ways for a long time now; there are a ton of definitions out there, and how the word is defined often depends on who you ask.
But then you ask: if we know "bi" is and has always been trans-inclusive, why does anyone still need the word "pan"? And I think the answer is... complicated. And extremely personal, tbh.
This happens with queer language all the time; as terms are cycled out in favor of new ones, people who've been using them hang on regardless. Sometimes they don't know the language has been updated, but usually it's more than that. Usually they have more of a personal relationship with the word, and the community, that they can't just give up in favor of a new word.
Maybe some people who do understand that "bi" is not actually a transphobic term also still view "pan" as shorthand for "I'm cool with trans people", and that's important to them. Maybe they grew up with that word, formed relationships under it, and came out with it. Maybe the pan community impacted them in some profound way, and rejecting it over shifting definitions just doesn't feel right. There could be any number of reasons.
The other part of this is that much as people have come to understand the original definition of "bi" more widely now, the definition of "pan" and "bi" both have taken on multiple definitions as well. I've seen a lot of definitions that seem to exist just to differentiate the two. For example:
Bi: attracted to multiple (but not necessarily all) genders
Pan: attracted to all genders
Bi: attracted to all genders, but in different ways, or with preferences
Pan: attracted to all genders essentially the same
Bi: attracted to multiple (or all) genders
Pan: attraction regardless of gender
I've also seen people use "bi" as the umbrella term, and "pan" as a more specific label beneath it (often with one of those pairs of definitions).
And you mention that "bi" has a lot of different definitions and understandings- so does pan! How a person understands those words, particularly when they identify with them, is going to be deeply personal and very likely very different from the next person. I think a good rule of thumb is to assume that whoever you're talking to may just have a different definition and understanding of the word they're using than you do, and try to ask them about it if it concerns you.
108 notes
Β·
View notes
Text
hm. i think iβm gonna stop identifying as nonbinary. had a galaxy brain and seemingly unrelated realization while reading whoβs afraid of gender? by judith butler. whose dense iconic works i must read fully bc i donβt really like these more accessible ones <- deranged man speaking
not to say i am not genderfluid or whatever nonsense anymore, but i just donβt see the utility, especially when i do ~align myself in a way to binary gender. i think the most useful way is to simply go with tme/transmasc and transgender, especially when i think coalition with binary trans people is more important than insisting on a rigid division between βnonbinaryβ and βbinaryβ trans people when their experiences frequently overlap and inform the other, or are the exact same experiencesβ¦ not to say there is no friction or pressure on either group, from both sides, but i think an insistence on demarcation with βbinary vs. nonbinaryβ has only perpetuated the ignorance and lack of understanding between them
does it matter if a binary trans person identifies in no way as nonbinary, if their gender is delegitimized in the exact same way, if they are not even treated as the binary gender? itβs not a nonbinary only experience to have your gender denied or seen as fiction. the real enemy here is the denial of self-determination and bodily autonomy, not how weird your gender is and the mean binary trans folks who are such normies, cue obsessive identification with violent slurs with no actual basis to the claim of βempowermentβ when theyβve never actually been weaponized against you
i do get upset when it feels like iβm in a room and i canβt go to either side and feel like i belong, but i think itβs a Me issue, that actually isnβt exclusive to me as a multigender person, and is common for all trans people. i do think there has to be serious discussion of multigender people that goes beyond a simplistic understanding of gendered oppression, but invariably, that also has to include transmisogyny, and the imagining of gender itself as something more than only self-identification, and even cisgender realities with gendered oppression. it concerns everyone on earth and to pretend that the rules are the same in every circumstance is also silly, at the same time as imagining a meaningful separation of binary and nonbinary trans people is nonsensical
and anyway i think the βdiscussionsβ of gender oppression and misogyny on this website never go beyond dogmatic takes that have no basis in more than superficial knowledge of feminist theory. and are also the most important to people to weaponize in. Fandom matters.
6 notes
Β·
View notes
Note
Happy STS! But oh no! One of your characters has been stabbed! What chaos does this bring about? Who's been stabbed, who did the stabbing, who yanks the sword out without thinking, etc.? β₯οΈ
Hello Tori thank you for the ask and I apologize for not answering your first ones been busy haha. So reading this made me laugh(Alot) because on the crew's line of job its very stabby Hazard lol.
Let's try to interview them shall we.
(Chase)
Author- Hey buddy I got an ask?(Seeing a scissor on his arm)
Chase- Oh this? It's nothing(Waving it off) tried hitting a girl on the way home.
Author- What does this girl looks like?( Inquire getting curious)
Chase- Wellll...She's wearing a mask and carrying a scissor for some reason and oh she has the biggest smile you ever seen( He says happily.
Author- Uh huh!...It seems that you have met Ms. Kuchisake-onna and let me guess she ask if she's beautiful and you replied no?
Chase- Yup(Removing the scissor on his arm) but I was gonna say she's hot and well she stabbed me on the arm and run off.
I feel so wozzy!(Then he fall faced first to the ground passing out maybe from blood loss)
(Charles)
Author- Hey there princess!(Waving him off)
Charles- Damn it! How many times do I have to say to you bastards that don't call me that!(He says and plucking out some glass shards on his hands)
Author- Are you alright?(Eyeing him with concern)
Charles- Am I alright?( He ask exasperated) I swear MC will be the death of me and I think they're doing it on purpose just to smite me!
I mean who is on thier right mind will be jumping out of the window?(He chuckles crazily)
Author- At least you surivived?( I don't really know how to comfort him lol))
Charles- Oh yes I'm grateful for that(He rolls his eyes) MC landed on pillows while I landed my ass on beer bottles(He begins to walk away and muttering along the way)
Author- Oh one more thing Charles
Charles- WHAT?!
Author- (Stifling a laugh) Careful your leaking(Pointing to the blood on the floor)
Charles- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! KILL ME NOWWWW(He continues to laugh along the way)
(Angel)
Author- Heya Angel?(Seeing a finger missing on her hand)
Angel- Oh this? I just got out from playing Five Finger Fillet(She brandishes her stump in front of me)
Author- I see your having fun( I chuckle)
Angel- Oh yeah! You have seen the cheating bastard when I rip his fingers one by one( He grins and retrieving a knife from her belt)
Say fancy for a match?
Author- No thanks I rather keep my fingers where they are
Angel- Your no fun Author(Pouts) Oh well maybe Charles or Chase will want to play
Author- Charles is having his tantrums and removing glasses from his body and Chase is passed out on the floor right now!
Angel- Passed out eh? Well I'm feeling rather artistic today so if you excuse me I'm just gonna draw lots of dicks and slurs on his snoozing face(Laughs maniacilly)
(Maria)
Author- The last but not the least our cute bunny(searching for her)
Maria my fellow countrysister how are you doing this fine night?
Maria- If you count being stabbed a lot fine! Well I'm peachy!(She says sarcastically)
Author- What happened?
Maria- Oh nothing much just out patrolling and got ambushed by those bloodsuckers and using a kid as hostage!( she nurses a bruise on her cheek with ice)
So letting my guard down they stabbed again and again and again.
So I got pissed and killed them all except for one and stabbed a lot for payback
Author- Remind me not to get on your bad side(Distancing myself from here!)
Maria- Oh yeah that reminds we can I find Charles?(She stands up from a chair with a dark look on her eyes)
Author- In his room why?(Poor...poor Charles)
Maria- Let's just say we have unfinished business and I don't like the words he used on me(Cracking her knuckles) and did something horrible to my stuffs.(Leaving me alone and exacting her revenge)
Author- Well that's all folks I hope you love my crazy cast and for those Charlesmancers out there well better pray for his soul LMAO
17 notes
Β·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
jsabaddict
JSABAddict
donde-el-diablo-parquea-la-moto
ALWAYS JUNTOS
ten-shi-fandoms
Ten-Shi
anastasiareyreed
Anastasia Rey Reed
angel-desire-br
DESIRE