#how am i supposed to get better when you make my life worse and harder????
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new beginnings
Pairing: theodore nott x reader
Summary: after theo very unexpectantly breaks up with you, you try your best to pick yourself back up and move on. theo, on the other hand, seems to be having a harder time of that.
Word Count: 2.2k+
Masterlist
part two :)
✰ ✰ ✰
“(Y/N), you’ve got to get out of bed at some point.” Hermione said. She was sitting on the side of your bed while you laid fully wrapped under the covers. Hermione gently tugged the blanket down from your chin, but you whined a little in protest.
“‘Mione, I seriously can’t do this yet.”
Theo, your boyfriend of over a year had broken up with you only a few short days ago. You’d been in bed ever since, heartbroken over what could have been.
“(Y/N), I know you’re upset, but you have to get up. I can’t let you live the rest of your life in bed! Don’t you know how badly your bum would hurt from laying all of your life?” Hermione joked.
A small smile grew on your lips. “Yeah, that would be pretty tragic. I have too nice of a butt to let that happen.”
Hermione laughed. “There she is! I’ve missed your little jokes. Ron and Harry have become quite boring without you around. I think they’re worried about you.”
You groaned. “Nooo. I hate when people worry about me. It’s just so awkward when I have to be like ‘I’m fine’, ‘no really, I’m fine’.”
Hermione shrugged. “Well, are you?”
You sighed, pulling the covers down from your chin. You looked up at her, a forlorn look on your face. “Definitely not, but I suppose you’re right. I don’t want to be stuck in here for the rest of my life. I just, I just don’t think I can handle seeing him right now.”
Hermione looked at you sadly. “I know. I hate seeing you so upset like this. God, what I would do to put a hex on that boy. He’s quite deserving of it, I would say. Maybe a rat’s tail, or a snake tongue.”
You giggled and sat up in bed. “Or how about we make him bald, or worse, blonde.”
Hermione laughed at that. “Oh, Godric, then we’d have another Draco running around. I don’t think I could handle that.”
“Me either,” you laughed. Slowly, your smile dropped. “I just hate him. Well, no, I don’t hate him. And I hate that! I hate that even after breaking my heart I still love him and long for him.”
Hermione sighed, “I’m sorry, (Y/N/N), I wish I could say something or do something to make this better, I just really don’t know what.”
You shrugged, “yeah, it is what it is. It’s not your fault he’s an ass.”
She chuckled. “So, what do you say? You wanna try to get down to the great hall before dinner starts? I’m sure the guys would like to see you again.”
You thought it over for a minute. You really had missed your friends. Other than Hermione, you’d ostracized yourself from everyone just to avoid Theo.
But were you really ready to see him again? You didn’t think you would ever be ready to see him again.
“You know what,” you stated, “I am gonna go to dinner tonight. And I’m gonna ignore him and see my friends who I’ve missed and ignore the hell out of him because he’s an ass and why should I be the one who has to stay in bed all day?”
“Woohoo!” Hermione cheered. “You’re amazing, let’s get you showered and dressed. I hate to say it, but if you’re gonna get back into the world, you need to wash your hair.”
You chuckled as you picked up a piece of hair to inspect it. “Yeah, okay. Shower first, look really pretty, eat dinner, come back. Piece of cake.”
You pushed the covers off of you as Hermione stood from the bed.
She said, “I’m gonna grab your clothes, so just get in the shower. We shouldn’t be too late to dinner that way.”
You nodded and headed to the bathroom. You were gonna go in there, socialize with your friends, reassure them you were fine, and everything would go back to normal. You hoped.
✰ ✰ ✰
“(Y/N)!” Ginny shouted as you and Hermione made it to the Gryffindor table. She stood up from her seat and pulled you right into a hug.
Releasing the breath you didn’t know you were holding, you smiled and held her even tighter in the hug. Ginny was an amazing friend to you. She had tried her best to see you, but you didn’t let anyone in. Only Hermione since she shared the room with you.
Pulling away, Ginny dragged you to sit down next to her. Hermione followed suit and sat on the other side of you. “Oh, we’ve missed you so much, (Y/N/N). We’ve all been so worried about you, haven’t we?”
Harry and Ron sat across from you. They both nodded their heads, agreeing with Ginny.
“Yeah, what an ass,” Ron scoffed. “Honestly, someone needs to knock that bloke down from his high horse. He doesn’t know what he’s missing, (Y/N/N).”
“Yeah,” Harry replied as he pushed some mashed potatoes in his mouth. “Theodore is a walking red flag. I for one am not sorry for him. He lost a good girl and he’s gonna regret what he’s done.”
You smiled at them. “Yeah, I am pretty awesome. Thanks guys.”
They chuckled and continued eating. Merlin knows those two could eat an entire quidditch field full of food.
“Ahem,” a throat cleared from behind you.
Turning around, you saw Enzo standing there sheepishly.
“Uh,” he stuttered, “hey, (Y/N).”
“Oh,” you said. “Uh, hi Enzo. Do you need something?” You couldn’t hide the crack in your voice. Damn it.
Enzo was probably your favorite of Theo's friends. He was always the one you had most in common with, and therefore connected with pretty easily. You’d never hung out one on one, so you couldn’t really say he was your friend.
“I-no I don’t need something, per say. I just wanted to talk to you. Alone, if, uh, that’s alright.”
You looked back at your friends, unsure if you should talk with him or not. They all seemed to be the same amount of weary as you were, but you were intrigued.
“I don’t really want to talk to Theo, if that’s what this is.”
Enzo shook his head. “No! Ahem, no. I wanted to talk to you. To, uh, apologize kind of? I don’t know. It’s fine if you don’t wanna talk to me, this was silly, I’m sorry-“
“It’s fine, Enzo,” you cut off his rambling. “I’ll speak with you.” You looked back at your friends as you stood up from the table. “I’ll be right back.”
They nodded their heads as you let Enzo lead you away from the table and out the door.
Once you two stood out in the hallway, Enzo kind of just shuffled his feet around, almost as if he was shying away from talking to you.
“Am I supposed to say something first?” You questioned, crossing your arms over your chest.
“No, sorry,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I just feel a little awkward. I know what happened between you and Theo, but I guess I just hoped that didn’t mean we couldn’t be friends anymore.”
Your eyes softened a little at his confession. Enzo’s cheeks blushed a little as you stared at him.
You sighed. You and Enzo really had been good friends, and you weren’t exactly keen on losing his friendship.
“I mean,” he continued, “you’re the only one who doesn’t make fun of my poetry, you’re the one I go to when I want to talk about books or get recommendations from, and I just would hate to lose our friendship just because I’m friends with Theo as well.”
Your heart melted. “Enzo, of course I still want to be friends with you. I will admit, I was a little nervous you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore after Theo broke up with me. I really enjoy being your friend.”
Enzo smiled in relief. “Oh good. I thought this would be more awkward and a little bit more sad than how it’s actually going.”
You giggled. “Thank god. I don’t know what I would have done if I just had a real breakup as well as a friendship breakup.”
Enzo smiled awkwardly. “Yeah, I am really sorry about that. I don’t know why he would ever break up with you in the first place. You’re so kind, and I thought you brought the best out in him.”
You forced an awkward smile. You really did not want to be talking about Theo right now, especially not about how you made him a better person.
Before you could reply, a voice yelled out from behind you.
“Oi!”
Turning around, you could see Theo storming up towards you and Enzo.
“What the fuck, mate?” Theo huffed as he got in between you and Enzo.
“Woah!” You shouted, backing up as Theo got up into Enzo’s face. “Theo, what are you doing?”
He ignored you and kept talking to Enzo. “Are you hitting on my girlfriend? Right after all the shit we just went through?”
“What?” Enzo squeaked. “I’m not hitting on her, I was just talking to her.”
You were pissed. Your fists balled up at your sides as you stomped up to Theo. You grabbed onto his shoulder and yanked him away from Enzo. Theo didn’t see it coming, so he stumbled and fell back a couple of steps.
“Get the hell away from him,” you growled. “And what the fuck is wrong with you, Theodore?”
You got between Theo and Enzo, pushing your finger into your ex-boyfriend’s chest accusingly.
“First,” you said, “you break up with me, break my heart, and then you have the fucking nerve to come up here all righteous and accuse Enzo of whatever the fuck you said, all while calling me your girlfriend when you’re the asshole who broke up with me!”
You glared at Theo, watching as his anger turned soft. “I am not your girlfriend anymore, Theodore Nott. You’re the one who made that happen, so you have no fucking right to come up in my conversations acting like I owe you anything.”
“(Y/N),” he softly said. “I… I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have come out here all crazy. I just, I hate seeing you with anyone else, even if it’s one of my friends.”
He turned to talk to Enzo, “I’m sorry, mate. Will you give us a few minutes?”
Enzo nodded his head and gave you an awkward smile before heading back into the dining hall.
You huffed, settling down a little as you stared at Theo.
He looked tired. His eyes had circles underneath them, and his cheeks didn’t have their usual flush to them. He was as gorgeous as ever, but he looked drained.
“You don’t look so good,” you pointed out, trying to sound nonchalant.
Theo frowned and softly said, “neither do you.”
Your lips pulled tight in a frown. Theo didn’t need to know how much he had affected you with the breakup.
You sighed, “what are you doing, Theo?”
He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets awkwardly. “I, uh, I’m not really sure. I just didn’t like seeing you with Enzo.”
“Why? You broke up with me.”
Theo huffed, “I don’t know. I just don’t like seeing you with anyone else. It still feels like I’m supposed to be there. Like I’m supposed to be the one with you. I miss you.”
You shook your head as hurt started to creep back into your heart. “Don’t say things like that to me, Theo. Not after what you did. I loved you, and you broke up with me out of nowhere for no good reason, either.”
“I’m sorry,” he tried to reach for you, but you shrugged off his hand. “I don’t know why I did what I did. I just know that I regret it like crazy. I want to be with you, (Y/N). I’ve always wanted to be with you, I was stupid to let you go. Can you forgive me?”
Your lips pulled tight. “Theo, I can’t just get back with you like this.” You said. “I don’t trust you anymore. You broke my heart, and broke my trust. You gave me no reason for the breakup, so who’s to say it won’t happen right after we get back together?”
He shook his head. “Dolcezza, no. I won’t do that to you, not again. What can I do to prove this to you?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t get back with you. Not like this, and not so soon. You really hurt me, Theo.”
“Well, what if we try being friends at least?” He suggested.
“You wanna be my friend?”
“No,” he said immediately. “But I’ll settle for being your friend for as long as it takes to win you back.”
Your heart warmed at what he had said. Maybe you could try being friends with him. He did really hurt you, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss him.
“Okay,” you decided, “I’ll give you a chance to be my friend. Don’t hurt me again, Theodore, or I’ll get Ginny on you.”
He chuckled. “Don’t worry, darling, I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get my baby back. I can promise you that.”
#AW SNAP#THERES ONE FROM THAT PROMPT LIST#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott#theo nott#theo nott x reader#harry potter#draco malfoy x reader#draco malfoy#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle#enzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire#ron weasly x reader#george weasley#fred weasly x reader#cedric diggory x reader
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Life is getting harder, and so, we must get better at it.
Climate change and species extinction and ecosystem collapse are happening quickly. They are spiraling out of control. Even many Ecosystems that are supposed to be the most stable in their regions are facing decline. There are runaway effects, each thing that gets worse makes the next thing get worse faster, more disastrously. Each of these systems becomes less resilient the more of its redundancies are stripped away.
And yet, we can also have cascading effects. I am seeing controlled burns turn the plantation pines into savannas again, for the first time in 200 years, they are burning now, right now, where they would never have imagined to burn a year ago. I am seeing people talk about planting native plants. The nurseries here are selling out of them faster than they can restock. If you ask, they will say “This did not happen last year”. The foundations that have been being built by ecologists over the past half century, and maintained against brutal colonialism by indigenous peoples, are seeping out into the community. I see people talking about river cane, and pitcher plant, and planting paw paw and persimmon and sassafras and spice bush. These things are returning. Even now, in the worst drought in known history of my area, I see more butterflies than last year, because we have put in more of their host plants, their overwinters. We are learning. We are beginning. We are being born into a world of ecology; we are breaking the green wall of blur that defines our settler nonrelationship with nature. The irises are returning to Louisiana, the black bear too. The oysters are returning to Mobile Bay. I hear talk of gopher apples and river oats from the mouths of children. I see the return of the chinquapin, and her larger sister chestnut. It is slow but it is also so fast. It is growing at new trajectories, new rises. Each of these becomes it’s own advocate when planted in space and put in relationship.
We are not doomed. We must claw back from the brink. We must find each other and we must exchange seeds. We must learn to pull invasive species. We must win others over through earnestness and full bellies, through kindling the spark of ecological joy, and then we must show them the way. We must be learning the way ourselves in the meantime. We must teach the children the names we were not told, that were forgotten; how to recognize these friends.
When things are spiraling towards despair and death we must be that spiral towards life and utter utopia. We must build ourselves into full participants in our ecological systems.
As life gets harder, we must get better at it.
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could i request teacher!reader with hotch? like maybe she’s jacks teacher
thank you for your request! fem!reader, 1.2k
You're a teacher: you're always tired. Overworked, underpaid, everybody knows how it goes. And maybe you've let yourself go because you don't have any real material hopes for the future beyond getting Macy Danish to read at a first grade level, but how were you supposed to know that Jack Hotchner's father would be so overwhelmingly attractive? It's not fair.
He's handsome though older than you'd been expecting, but that isn't the cut and dry of it. When he comes in, it's alone, in a well-fitted suit. He's tall and remarkably dark-eyed, shaking your hand without trying to impose any authority, as some of the fathers tend to do, and when you call him Mr. Hotchner, he says, "Aaron, please," but continues to call you Ms. L/N.
"Aaron," you say, pulling your skirt under your thighs as you sit down. You're dressed in nice clothes for the parent-teacher conferences, but you could've covered your sleeplessness better. "Jack is the nicest boy in class. He's actually my loveliest kid. Um…" You search through your notes for the preliminary assessment of Jack. "Sorry, two seconds."
"Take your time. I know what it's like to dig through a mountain of paperwork every day."
"Jack mentioned you work in the government, he calls you a special agent," you say, smiling. "You get the bad guys."
"I am a special agent. Supervisory." Aaron is conscientious enough to pretend he doesn't notice your surprise. "I'm chief of the behavioural analysis unit."
You can't even begin to guess what that entails. "Oh," you say breathlessly.
"I understand that it sounds fantastical."
"It sounds impressive," you say, floundering to correct yourself. Behavioural analysis? It must be obvious to him how nervous he's making you, then, and when you realise that, you get worse. "I'm so sorry about this. I should be more organised. I usually am."
"That's alright. Take your time."
Does he always speak that way? His voice is like fucking silk? Is he messing with you?
You yank the notes you made for Jack from the pile and flatten them across the desk. "Okay, sorry. Like I was saying, Jack is really the nicest kid, him and his friend Molly. They're both lovely, and teachers shouldn't have favourites, please don't tell the other parents, but they're my favourites." You smile at him quickly and return your eyes to the paper. The words swim in front of your eyes. "Jack can read better than you could ever hope for a first grader, he's immensely intelligent for his age group. He's patient. He'll explain anything to anyone if they ask him too, and he does it well."
"I'm glad to hear that," he says, again so softly.
You pick up one of your skinny biros to have something to fidget with. He's a very good looking man, but you're a good teacher. You can focus on what to say. Some parents need good things only. Some need reassurement that they're doing a good job. Aaron is harder to read, but you know what he needs, too.
"He can be lonely," you say, looking him in the eye. "I don't think that that's down to any fault. I'm sure you know better than I do why he might feel that way." You know about his mom's passing over a year ago. You've seen grief in children too many times. "He… I understand if this isn't okay with you, but he eats lunch with me sometimes. I encourage him to sit with his peers, of course, but I think he runs out of energy pretty quickly."
Aaron nods thoughtfully. His brows quirk into a furrow that you're afraid is directed at you.
"I don't think he necessarily has trouble connecting with his friends."
"What do you think?"
"I think something awful happened to your family, and Jack will feel it for the rest of his life, but that it won't stop him from being great. It already isn't. And… he clearly has a father who loves him and who he admires. You're his second favourite topic."
"What's his first?" he asks.
"He's really into Fruity Fridays," you say with a laugh. "I bring in fruits you don't get often in America. Someone would've had to sign a form."
"No, I remember signing it. He likes that?" His smile is golden. "I can't get him to try new things."
"He had all the leftover gold kiwi last week." You rub your lips together. Time is ticking. You have nearly thirty parents to see tonight, but talking to Mr. Hotchner has been so normal. He's a regular person in a sea of inattentive helicopter narcissists. It's a relief and a half to meet him and know a kid as gentle as Jack is in good hands. "Mr. Hotchner, I have to tell you, I'm really relieved to meet you."
"Aaron," he corrects.
Your tone drops too low. "Aaron."
"I'm more than relieved," he says. "I knew that this year would be harder for him. I didn't know… I'm grateful to you, for being so kind with him."
You look down at your notes, flushed from head to toe despite your airy skirt. Crossing your legs, you shake your head. "It's my job."
"To let him take up the only break you get all day?" he asks.
"It's not like that. Jack doesn't bother me." You fold your notes in half. "I can see his role model measures up."
"I could say the same thing."
The next time you see Jack, bright and early Monday mooring shepherded by his aunt Jessica, he's very happy to see you. You offer him a hug and pat his back when he wraps his arms around your hips. "Hello, Jack. Was your dad pleased with your drawings?"
Jack smiles at you. "I have a note for you."
"You do? Can I see? Where is it, honey?"
Jack takes off his backpack and pulls out the note and a tupperware container. "Oh, wow, did you make treats for the class? Jack, that's so nice!"
"No. Dad said those are for you. He said you should have nice for nice, or something," Jack informs you.
"You'll share with me, though? I can't eat them all by myself," you whisper.
He nods with enthusiasm and runs off to put his backpack in his cubby and his coat on the hook. You look down at the cookies and note, which is actually an envelope.
You open it with your thumbnail. The writing is Aaron's usual tight cursive.
Dear Miss L/N,
I hoped to thank you again in person, but work makes that hard. I appreciate everything you do for Jack. There are teachers who work, and there are teachers who go above and beyond. I can feel confident anywhere in the country knowing Jack is being taught by the latter.
Gratefully yours,
Aaron Hotchner.
P.S. Please don't feed Jack too many cookies. They're not for him.
You keep the letter even if it's lame to do so. When is the next parent teacher conference, anyways?
#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner x y/n#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner fic#aaron hotchner blurb#aaron hotchner drabble#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fic#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner fanfic#aaron hotchner fanfiction#criminal minds#hotch x reader#hotch#hotch x you#hotch blurb#hotch drabble
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The hero didn’t even want to look at it.
“Okay,” the villain said. Despite the tears in their eyes, they were a little too calm for the hero’s liking. But they supposed they had always been the opposite to the hero when it came to stressful situations.
Usually the hero could deal with stress pretty well, they were a hero after all, but it was getting increasingly difficult to operate when neither time nor solutions were on their side. It was frustrating and the hero wasn’t used to losing.
“You have to break my femur now,” the villain said. They looked down at the wound and then at the hero who prayed this was a poorly timed joke. “Remember, it’s the strongest and thickest bone in the body, so you may need quite a bit of force.”
“I am not going to break your bones, I—” The hero wanted to throw up. They could see parts of the injury under all that rubble and they didn’t want to imagine how much pain the villain was in right now. The villain didn’t scream nor curse, they bottled everything up and let tears speak for themselves. They knew the villain was tough. But could anyone be this tough?
It was one of the villain’s qualities they admired oh so much but it was also something that seemed to doom them.
“It’s just one bone. I’d do it myself but the angle is shitty and you’re stronger.”
“No, don’t make me do this.” The villain grabbed the hero’s arm quickly and stared them dead in the eye. Their fingers dug into the hero’s suit but it was just a fraction of the pain the villain endured.
The hero panicked. If they had been any other person — hero or villain — they wouldn’t have hesitated to break the bone. But this was them. They didn’t want to hurt them, they didn’t want to break any of their bones.
“Listen, if we want to save my leg, you have to break it. We don’t have much time. I’m bleeding out and I need some fucking painkillers. I’m not gonna stay here so your hero-friends can arrest me.” Their face was pale and the hero’s tongue was heavy.
“I can’t, please, I cannot do that to you.”
“I’m just another villain on your list to cross out,” the villain said. They squeezed the hero’s arm harder and their eyes widened, as if a wave of pain had just hit them. They made a noise close to a grunt but again, they were hiding it perfectly.
“No, you’re not, you’re really not.”
“If you want to save my life, you’ll have to do this. You’re a hero, aren’t you?” The hero had no words left.
The truth was, they had had a crush on the villain for quite some time now and even though they knew rationally they needed to do this, they weren’t quite there emotionally yet.
“You should get a pipe. You crush the bone and then hopefully, it’ll be easier to pull me out. The angle should be better. I might pass out though, I’ll just…” They didn’t look as confident anymore.
“If we wait for my friends to arrive, they can help you, maybe I can—”
“They will arrest me if I’m not dead by then. I’m counting on you.”
I’m counting on you.
The hero’s fingers trembled. Breaking someone’s bone — they had never done that on purpose. And yet, they knew the villain was right. It seemed to be the only way out for them.
“I called you,” the villain said, “because I trust you. I need you. I’ll do you a favour in return, I promise. Just, please.”
The hero took the villain’s hand and pulled it close to their chest.
“I’ll do it,” the hero said.
“Great.” Unsurprisingly, the villain wasn’t happy. Their other hand was shaking and they looked already traumatised. The hero wished they could make this easier but there didn’t seem to be any options left.
“I’ll just have to tell you something real quick.”
“What?”
“I have a crush on you.” The villain stared at them. They didn’t look mad nor did they look annoyed.
“Wait. Really?”
“Yes.”
The hero just had to tell them. If this was it, if the villain would get captured or worse, if they died, they needed to know that the hero had crush on them.
They wouldn’t be able to deal with that for the rest of their life. So whatever happened now, the villain would live through it, knowing what they meant to the hero.
“This is really bad timing, darling.” Another tear ran down the villain’s cheek. They squeezed the hero’s hand.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll get the pipe.” The hero didn’t find one. Instead, they found a brick. None of them were particularly enthusiastic about that. “Okay. Again, I’m really sorry.”
The hero grabbed the brick with two hands.
“Wait.” The hero did. “I think I like you too.”
“That doesn’t make it easier,” the hero whispered.
“I thought you needed the challenge.” As answer, the hero let out something closer to a sob than a laugh.
What happened next would give them nightmares for the following decades.
#no thank you#writing snippet#heroxvillain snippet#heroxvillain prompt#heroes and villains#hero#villain#hero x villain#heroxvillain#an answer for an ask#request#whump
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Celebrating You!
Hi guys! I’ve been on here for a bit now and while I never had a follower goal, I do appreciate you guys who have decided to follow me! So now I’d like to celebrate you!
In light of TBB ending, and how much we'll be missing the boys, I thought this was as good as a time as ever!
Here’s the idea! I’m opening a prompt request for the dates of April 5th through May 5th, 2024 (you may start submitting now though!) and choose from the prompts below! You can choose one from each category, or just one category. It’s ok if it is just the prompt or the prompt and a brief idea. If you have a fun idea or prompt not listed, please share!
Rules: I only write SFW. I typically write for clones; I reserve the right to refuse requests which make me uncomfortable for whatever reason. I have had a few requests in the past that really unsettled me for various reasons. Or if I don't know the character. I'd hate to try to write something then upset the person because it is so ooc that it's cringy. (But if I said I would write your request and haven't yet, I just honestly haven't gotten to it :D I like to do well on the stories you guys entrust to me so it does take me a bit :D)
This is supposed to be fun so lets keep it fun!
You may submit as many requests as you'd like! The more the merrier!
Characters: Star Wars Clone Wars or The Bad Batch (as long as I know them. I know a lot of clones but alas, not all.)
Story genre:
Classic SW! (Pick an era if they exist in more than one if you wish)
AU of choice (modern, western, pirate, mermaid, time traveling, etc if I’m unfamiliar with the genre, I may have to change it or request more details)
Dialogue Prompts:
“Don’t go where I can’t follow.”
“If we’re going to do this we’ll need—“ “A plan?” “No! Code names! Cool ones!”
“I don’t need to be anything to you. I just want my life to mean more to you than my death.”
“You are playing a dangerous game without even a glimpse of the rule book.”
“I’ve never been terrified of death, til he set his sights on you.”
“What the hell are you doing here?” “Yeah, you’re not allowed to ask that in this situation.”
“Where’s your shoe?” “The giant mud puddle in the road demanded a sacrifice.”
“Love at first sight doesn’t exist.” “Then how else do I describe the feeling I got when I first saw you?” “You…love me?” “Apparently not, according to you.”
“A fate worse than death….” “They’re burnt cupcakes.”
“White paint has more color than your face.”
“Why is there a dragon in my fridge?” “It was hot.”
“Touch **, and you’re dead.”
“I am the law.”
“Do that again and I’ll throw you out the window. Wait, what are you doing?” “Checking how high the drop is; seeing if it’s worth it.”
“I’d rather have you hate me than loose you entirely.”
“I have a mission but don’t know what it is.” “Well that sounds incredibly counterproductive.”
“I would like to join you in acknowledging the difficulties in your life.” “You are the worst at this comforting thing.”
“I don’t know if you’re aware of this but I’m quite petite.” “Really? I had no idea in our twelve years of friendship that you’re shorter than I am.”
“But what is power?” “Loyalty.”
“Don’t you sign to me in that tone.”
“I’m with him/her for better or worse.” “It’ll probably be worse.” “I knew that the day I met him/her.”
"I'm sorry I tried to kill you." "It's fine, but next time you should try harder."
"C'mon, like I need an excuse to spend time with you."
"You're not as bad as everyone says you are."
"The only one who gets to kill you is me."
“blood loss”? well it’s not lost. I know exactly where it went. right over there.”
“How the mighty have fallen!” “It’s a dropped chocolate bar, stop being dramatic.”
“Shit, we’re gonna die” “Now I don’t want to hear that negative attitude, look on the bright side!” “Yay! We’re gonna die! Woo!”
“How do you do it?” “How do I do what?” “Pretend you are ok.” “I’m not pretending.” “Yes, you are. Every single day and it breaks my heart.”
“Hey, so I know things are pretty f**** shitty right now but I need you to breathe for me.” “Wha-wh-wh-” “You’re having a panic attack. It’s gonna be ok. Just breathe with me.”
“Please, my arms—I can’t wipe my tears, don’t let them see!”
"Smiles are contagious!" "Don't worry, I'm vaccinated."
"I don't want to get involved, it's too risky." "Please do it for me, you're the only one I can turn to." "It's not worth it. You really want to lose everything? 'cause I don't."
"Do you ever think of anyone other than yourself?" "No"---a long pause---"actually yes, at Christmas time"
"There is a reason I go through that door first, It's to make sure everyone else walks back out"
“I can’t leave you here!” “You can and you will.”
"OH! Are you alright? Are you alright?" "Apart from being trapped under here, and maybe suffering from broken bones and embarrassment beyond what I am capable of handling. . . I'm dandy, why do you ask?"
Oh no, are you alright? You're covered in blood!" "Yes, it's yours, Now will you please let me take you to the hospital?"
"What did love ever do anything for anyone anyway?"
"What the hell were you even thinking?!" "You told me not to think!"
"With love comes loss, that's part of the deal. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end, it was all worth it. There's no greater gift than love."
“'Temporary stitches' all stitches are temporary if you have a pair of scissors and aren’t a coward" "What do you....that better not mean what I think you mean......" "Am I just talking about sewing stitches or sutures too? Maaayyybe?" "NO! Absolutely not!"
"I made the calculations, and boy am I bad at math."
"It'll be over soon, I promise."
"Working together again, just like old times." "Well, not just like old times."
"I am many things but not your enemy."
Action Prompts:
Forehead kisses
Palm/hand kisses
Dramatic rain scene
Touching foreheads
Jealousy
Dancing
Last stand
Christmas/Life Day celebration
mistletoe
Accidental hand touch
First date
First kiss
Spending time with the family
Bad day cheering up scheme
Pranks
Going to a pet shop
Going to the movies
Always go after the girl
soft spoken person has loud, unnerving scream.
Lullabies
Nightmares
injury
amnesia
pretend/mistaken to be married/in a relationship
cooking
#the bad batch#tbb hunter#tbb tech#tbb wrecker#tbb crosshair#tbb echo#tbb omega#star wars the bad batch#star wars#the bad batch season 2#the bad batch au#star wars rebels#star wars the clone wars#star wars fanfic#star wars fanfiction#captain rex#commander fox#commander cody#clone troopers#the clone wars#dragonrider9905's 100 follower celebration#dragonrider9905 follower celebration#dragonrider9905 writing challenge#celebrating you#captain howzer#tbb howzer#clone trooper howzer#clone x reader
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What am I supposed to do, if theres no you?
paring: wilbur soot x fem!reader
authors note: I was listening to soon you’ll get better by taylor swift. I couldn’t get the imagery of this song out of my head and I needed to write some sort of vent. also inspired by a fic that @starsyoubreaklikesugardust wrote called whats it like on the other side of us that utterly destroyed me and I needed a happier version... This is super self-indulgent as hell but I hope you guys like it!
warnings: angst, mentions of an illness, hospitals, heavy topics, mentions of death, reader doesn’t have a specific illness, fluff, hurt comfort, me not knowing about medical terms or hospitals so excuse me lol, unedited!
The hospital bed feels warmer when Wilbur lies beside you, the only sound in the small room is the beeping of the machine monitoring your vitals.
On most days, everything is fine. However, when he's around, it's easy to forget the inevitable fate that awaits.
When he has to leave, he goes home to sleep in an empty bed and never does sleep. In those moments of solitude, he cries until he can't anymore. He tries to distract himself by painting the kitchen yellow, fixing up the garden, going to the studio to record, and hanging out with friends. But he feels guilty he’s not beside you.
The next time you see him he looks horrible. Like he got hit by a bus and you’re wondering if you should be the one in here or him. Wilbur Voice horse, circles under his eyes and red you know is from his tears. That’s when you pull him by the arm so he can curl up next to you so he can finally get some rest.
Stoking your fingers through his hair as he snores softly into your collarbone. You think about how Wilbur would ever function without you. How is he gonna take care of himself -when-if you are gone one day. That pit is building in your stomach along with the small lump in your throat. The burning of your eyes as you silently cry while you hold him close to your body.
Because that was what your life was full of, what ifs, whens, uncertainty, and dread. He didn’t deserve that. The arguments you used to get into when you first got sick. Begging him to leave you because you knew, in the long run, this wouldn’t work out. You could spend the rest of your life in and out of hospitals while he wasted away with you.
Wilbur swore repeatedly up and down that he would never leave you. No matter how much you tried to drive him away or how hard matters got.
Wilbur was constantly worried about your well-being, but he held onto hope that you would recover. This was especially true after the first time he brought you home.
You were happy to leave the uncomfortable hospital bed and small room reeking of antiseptic. You slow danced with him in the living room to Elton John playing from his phone speaker, listened to him write new songs, and slept in because you missed waking up in your shared bed. You felt like your old self again and he loved seeing you that way.
When things got worse again, the bright light in your eyes would soon fade, like water extinguishing a flame, as you had to leave your home and return to that sterile, white-washed room.
When you are back in that hospital bed, with the scratchy sheets and the fluorescent lights that hurt your eyes you’re back to being a shell of a human. The depression hits you harder and Wilbur does all he can to help. make you as comfterble as possible despite the weight of the situation.
You know he’s only trying to provide solstice. The small room fills with his soft voice as he reads your favorite stories. Telling you bad jokes he’s heard from Tommy that get you to at least crack a smile. He feels proud he was the one to grant you some form of happiness.
-
His hand holds your shaking, cold one as the IV pumps treatment into your veins. He leans over in his chair to be closer to you, lips against your knuckles. Your eyes meet in a longing stare that says 'I'm here, I'm not going anywhere.' You gently squeeze his hand.
“Wil?” You asked hoarsely.
“Yes, darling?” His voice is intimate, making you feel like there are people around even though it's just the two of you. The nickname always makes your tummy flutter with delight.
You want to capture the way he looks at you in a picture. He tentatively waits for your next words, his doe eyes filled with concern. You clear your throat and exhale softly.
“I was thinking... maybe we should find a house in the country,” you say. Wilbur remains silent. "Somewhere quiet, with big fields where we can see the sky, and watch the sunset on the porch."
You've mentioned how you'd love to live out in the country. A cottage large enough for you both to have separate areas. A streaming room for him, and a bedroom and den for you to store all your books and painting supplies.
A place where you can finally be free from confinement. Despite Wilbur's jokes about you being an old soul, you were in touch with life through knitting, painting, reading, and walks. That's what he wanted to give you again.
Your voice is quieter now, creating a moment just for you. The heaviness in your voice made your eyes well up. You could feel his thumb caressing your knuckles. Like a silent ‘take your time’. Your throat closes up as you keep talking. Your breath is shaking, primarily due to the cold temperature of the room and the medicine making you feel woozy. But you and Wilbur knew it was the emotional weight you tried to carry with your words.
Somewhere we can grow old together.
The sentence sits heavily in your mind. You'd like to say it to him. You wanted to share it with him so badly, but it felt painful to have cross your mind.
Wilbur already knows by the look in your eyes. He leans over you, lovingly presses a kiss to your forehead, and wipes away a single tear before it can roll down your cheek. Slowly he moves down, then presses another kiss to the tip of your nose.
“Whatever you want, my love.” he squeezes your hand back.
-
Wilbur spent weeks searching through countless home-selling websites for your dream house, but none were to his liking or within your budget. A month later, while sitting uncomfortably in a hospital chair with his long legs curled up to his chest, he scrolled through his phone and stumbled upon a house that seemed too good to be true.
He scheduled numerous appointments to see the house, ensuring everything was in order before making a final decision. Moving his belongings with the help of friends and bandmates was hectic.
He spent weeks preparing for your homecoming, buying new furniture, and arranging your books to your liking, making everything perfect only then he would finally surprise you.
He's there to take you to his car the day you leave the hospital. He takes care of you in the passenger seat, buckling you in and ensuring you're ready to leave before setting off.
As Wilbur drives past your shared apartment, soft indie tunes play through the car's speakers, and you lean back against the headrest, watching the scenery pass by. You realize you passed the turn to your house and Wilbur's hand takes yours.
Wilbur turns to you with a mischievous glint in his eyes and says, "We're not going home just yet." A faint smile is on his lips as if he's hiding something from you. He then drives in a different direction, and you can't help but feel excited about what he has planned.
"Where are we going?" you ask. As you speak, he can hear your worry.
"If I told you that, it would ruin the surprise," he says.
He knows you're antsy in your seat but it'll be worth it. After driving through winding roads and trees, he pulls up to a house with an arched doorway and slanted roof, almost like the one you dreamed of growing up.
Wilbur turns off the ignition, rushes to your side, opens the car door, and with a grin offers his hand to help you out. Wilbur leads you to the front door, unlocks it with a small key, and picks you up to carry you over the threshold.
"Welcome home darling," he says.
You are led through the house, to the hallway to the cozy living room. taking everything in slowly.
The soft pillows on the sofa, your paintings on the walls, your books on the shelf, and Wilbur's record player and vinyl set up. His acoustic guitar set against the wall caused your eyes to well up.
"Wilbur," you began, but tears rolled down your face as the emotions overwhelmed you. Why was he going through all this trouble for a silly dream?
Wilbur frowned as he tried to place you on the recliner, but you clung to him, so he sat down with you in his lap. Speaking softly into your ear with tender words to calm you.
You drew away from him, noticing the worry in his gaze as you locked eyes with Wilbur, he searched your expression frantically, attempting to figure out the cause of your distressed state.
"Are you okay?" he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. "I know it's a lot to take all at once, but I wanted to surprise you. I'm sorry for being secretive."
You shake your head, in slight remorse for making him assume he upset you or pushed things too far.
"I'm just so happy." you beamed tearily.
Ease washed over him, and a sigh escapes his lips. Tears well in his eyes. He gently takes the back of your head and brings you to meet him for a kiss. His lips are soft and warm as they enveloped yours passionately. You reciprocated his kiss, bringing your hands to thread in his hair. Your noses brushed as you pulled away to catch your breath.
While holding each other, you remained in that position. Your breathing was slow and unsteady, and tears streamed down your face as you cried onto Wilbur's shoulder. Everything, for the first time in a long time, felt perfect.
Everything you had ever wanted was with Wilbur, and you were never going to want anything else.
Wilbur knew in his heart, soon you would get bette, because you just had to.
End.
tagging: @merakiwi @trashcanduck @addxms @ax-y10
#wilbur soot x fem!reader#wilbur soot x reader#neither c! nor cc! wilbur but my own character of him.#fanfiction#x reader#hospital tw#cc!wilbur soot x fem!reader#c!wilbur x reader#cc!wilbur x reader#wilbur x reader#fluff#myct#wilbur soot
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Imagine | ProHero!Bakugou x Villain!Reader #2
a/n: I felt like writing some insight to what i meant when i say you and bakugou working together is somehow worse than you two going against each other. Because, yes, its that bad haha.
she/her reader
🌟
Imagine being tangled in wires and each other like cats in yarn, with you strapped to katsu's leg, trying to wiggle yourself free like a dying fish while reading the manual upside down for katsu who is frantically defusing a bomb with only his left hand because his right is stuck to your face.
"Why do we always end up like this?"
"20 years of friendship and i still have no fucking clue."
"Red wire or white?"
"Re- WAIT. WAIT. NO. WHITE."
"FUCK YOU. ARE TRYING TO GET US KILLED."
"BITCH YOU TRY READING FROM THIS ANGLE. NOW FLIP THE PAGE."
*sigh of god's most tortured soul*
"Y/n. I only have one hand free."
"Well good for you. I have none. Now. Flip- OW. OW KATSU MY HAIR. MY HAIRRR"
"STOP FUCKING SQUIRMING. I CAN'T REACH THE DAMN THING FROM HERE."
*3 minutes left on timer*
*incoherent screeching*
☆
Its usually why you rarely have anyone else on comms- because no one can stand you guys' stupid 😭.
"Red, are you hearing this psychopath??"
"Shitty hair, if you take her side I'm going to blast your ass into next thursday-"
"Don't threaten him into admitting you were right! You KNOW you're fucking NOT."
"YES, I FUCKING AM-"
"OH YEAH? LETS PUT IT OUT THERE THEN. SEE WHAT THE PUBLIC THINKS OF THE NUMBER ONE HERO DRINKING HIS COFFEE WITH HOT SAUCE-"
"ITS AN ACQUIRED TASTE-"
"ITS FUCKING DISGUSTING IS WHAT IT IS. RED TELL HIM-"
"..."
*red has left the call*
*pinky has come online*
"...HI GUYS PINKY HERE. Red had to um-"
"Pinky please tell this psycho that hot sauce in coffee is fUCKING-"
"Ohhhh its you two...... Yea, nope :D." *call disconnected*
"HAH."
"THAT WAS NOT A *YES* YOU FUCKING-"
But weirdly no one is ever too worried about you two fucking up on missions. You're both the best in the field. Feral, reckless and a little insane? Sure. But you get the job done.
A cross between lawful evil and chaotic evil.
"Can we just kill him?"
"No."
"...can i just kill him?"
"No."
"You've read the file! I'll be doing the world a favour by offing trash like him."
"This world has laws that you are binded to. And the law said fucking no."
"...please?"
"..."
"How am I supposed to live, laugh, love in this conditions?"
*big sigh*
"Fine. Mess him up. No killing. Death's too good for him."
":D!! I feel like I should be worried about the number one hero's morals but FUCK YEAH! VIOLENCE! >:D"
☆
You're also not against smacking the stupid out of your bestfriend, especially when he gets a little too reckless on the job. Injured or not. It never works but it makes you feel better at least.
"Please stop getting shot. It stresses me out."
"Oh well if you don't fucking like it- PUT THOSE HANDS AWAY I'M INJURED YOU HEARTLESS WENCH-"
☆
Its not just him tho. You're BOTH stupid. It goes both ways. ✨️ b a l a n c e ✨️
"Why are you like this."
"Idk, man. I think its the anxiety."
"The anx- BITCH YOU JUST JUMPED OUT A 12 STOREY BUILDING."
"DON'T YELL AT ME I LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU I HAVE ANXIETY"
"'I haVe aNxiETy' she says, yeeting herself out the window because the elevator is 'sUS'."
"Small spaces makes me twitchy-"
"AND JUMPING OUT A FUCKING BUILDING DOESN'T??"
"( ; ω ; )"
"Fuck you."
"I deserve that."
"THE FUCK YOU DO-"
☆
I feel like as much as it seems like a bad idea for both parties involved, neither you can help that your work life bleeds into your regular life as well. And you both surprisingly manage it well around each other.
"Have you heard about that new hero??"
"You talking about that air brained newbie?"
"Oh my god, so he WAS dumb! I literally thought you guys were using him as bait!"
"We weren't. He's just fucking stupid."
"I almost felt bad knocking him out :("
"Nah, you're fine. In fact, you should've hit him harder. Maybe give him a concussion or hell a scar as a souvenir. Make sure the lesson fucking sticks."
"You are worryingly condoning of violence for the number one hero, Katsu."
"Bitch, have you met me?"
☆
Another thing that i thing could go awfully wrong is literally planning out your work plans together but you two are just??? So trusting of the other to never double cross you.
"Wait, what? Why the fuck would you do that?"
"Because thats the nearest and fastest exit to the train station. I can cut down on 10 whole minutes and i need that time to catch the train."
"But its the riskiest, you fucking dumbass. Look, you have four other exits WHY would you pick the one you KNOW the heroes would target?"
"Because MATHS SAID-"
"You know what just let me do it-"
"Katsu no-"
☆
You give each gray hairs but you both of you were ready to risk your neck for the other.
"Having you as my bestfriend is like having an emotionally unstable daughter that never listens."
"...but?"
"There's no buts. You give me migraines."
":("
Yeah. You love each other.
🌟
a/n: hehe
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I really hate how often neo ra/df/ems will go on and on about how trans fem's transitions are waaaaaay more difficult and they're waaaaaay less likely to pass, but if a trans masc dared to make any similar comparisons, they'd be fucking crucified.
There are a lot of feelings I have around sex-based discrimination and the difficulties of a masculinizing transition. On one hand, I don't think comparing struggles like that is useful (i.e. trans women have harder transitions).
On the other hand, I feel like the reality of the situation is actually quite the opposite for many people (everyone acknowledges that testosterone makes your voice drop and you grow hair, but nobody seems to want to acknowledge hysterectomy vs orchi, voice training is still often needed, electrolysis for phallo, the fact that bottom surgery is usually multi-staged [even metoidioplasty is sometimes 2 stages] with a lot of moving parts and far worse scarring, top surgery is almost a necessity for passing whereas not every trans fem wants top surgery + scars are easier to hide, face masculinization is far less common w/ fewer options, puberty begins earlier in perisex people AFAB and puberty blockers don't always allow for full height to be achieved bc they don't typically allow you to start testosterone until you're about 15 even IF you were a "classic" trans-since-3-years-old kinda case, the extreme body horror that is accidental pregnancy and abortion and menstruation when that's dysphoric vs not being able to carry a pregnancy just feels like an insulting comparison sometimes and I've had multiple trans women call me inconsiderate for expressing horror at getting my bodily rights taken away bc "that triggers my dysphoria", testosterone is a scheduled substance and has more difficult administration methods than simply a pill, etc.)
And so I bite my tongue and try to be the better person, because stooping to that low doesn't help anything. But at the same time it's so extremely frustrating to be told that you "have it better" when, considering the facts, it REALLY feels like the opposite. There's this level of bitterness around that that I am DESPERATELY trying to resolve within myself. I have a therapist. I know it's projection. I'm working on my own bullshit. But please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way? I just wish they'd stop with that rhetoric and realize just how difficult the average trans masc transition truly is
yeah it's really frustrating for ppl to present Trans Women's Experiences and Trans Men's Experiences as diametrically opposed, with one experience being Eternal Pain And Inescapable Suffering and the other being Barely A Blip On The Life Radar. and while i understand it's coming from a place of pain, i've also experienced a lot of trans women shutting me down when i try to talk about how abortion rights affect me. back when i was first dipping my toe into trans spaces, i was friends with a trans woman who told me it was transmisogynistic of me to want to transition because "trans women would kill to have been born in your body." and while it absolutely comes from a different place than when cis men try to assert control over me and there's not the same power dynamic, it's still a complete stranger feeling entitled to tell me what to do with my body because of the sex i was assigned at birth. it's frustrating to have people i'm supposed to be in community with play into the same sexist bullshit that other people, regardless of gender, have been holding over my head my whole life, feeling like they own my body bc women and ppl who are forcibly assigned the role of women in society are seen as public property. our bodies aren't our own. everyone feels entitled to comment on them and touch them and make decisions about them. and it sucks when it comes from other people who should understand how that feels.
and like. obviously this idea that trans men's transition is so much easier than trans women's is unhelpful bc 1. there is no one particular way for trans men to transition, 2. not everyone who transitions in the way typically associated with trans men is a trans man, 3. it doesn't take into account how disability, race, ethnicity, etc. play into people's experiences before, during, and after transition, and 4. it's just not a fucking competition????? the fact that a disabled black trans man is going to be more systemically oppressed in society than a wealthy white trans woman doesn't mean trans men as a category are Objectively More Oppressed than trans women. bc gender is like. the worst possible way to try to gauge a group's place within the system. bc at this point, gender is not the most powerful system, race is. and i feel like a fuck ton of people really do not recognize that.
another thing that has bugged me for as long as i've been in trans spaces is this bizarre attitude that trans women are doomed to this miserable life of clockability and will never be able to pass as cis women thus they must accept that their life will be nothing but pain and suffering. and that's just very much not true! i know plenty of trans women who "pass" or who are happy with their bodies, who have jobs they love and friends and family who love them, who have a community that supports and celebrates them. and it has just always rubbed me the wrong way that people think they're helping trans women by presenting their existence as Inevitably Miserable when all it does is terrify closeted trans girls who think they're better off never coming out or transitioning, or better off dying. like. we have to understand that these narratives we create, the idea of the perpetually suffering trans woman and the lonely isolated trans man, are absolutely driving people to suicidal ideation. and if we give a shit about trans people, we should be changing these narratives.
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Emotional neglect/abuse is so tricky cause what do you even say. My parents never said they loved me? That’s not true. They hit me? Also not necessarily true. They didn’t care about our education or future? They probably cared more about me getting into college than any other part of my life. They wanted me to succeed, they would brag about our achievements and my mom loved posting online whenever one of us got accepted to a college or got a scholarship.
It’s easier to talk about the physical stuff. show pictures of the conditions we lived in, tell stories about how my mom never gave us medicine when we were in pain, or how she let our brother terrorize and abuse us. How I would starve myself all day because I couldn’t stomach anything, and she’d just glare and get annoyed when I mentioned that I hadn’t eaten.
It’s easier to explain what’s wrong there.
It’s harder to explain that she used to kiss us goodnight, and tuck us in, and sing to us, and that none of that was enough. How do I explain that what hurts even more is that she did say she loved me, it just wasn’t true. She probably thinks she loves me. And what an awful kid I am, to not believe her when she says it.
But I’ve trusted her before, I’ve trusted her over and over thinking “surely this time she’ll see how serious I’m being. This time she won’t laugh, or say it’s stupid, or just something I should get over. She’s insisting that I tell her, so she won’t laugh this time. She can’t. She wants to know what’s wrong. This time it’ll be serious enough. This time.”
The most succinct way I can put it is that she loves her child. The idea of someone who is her kid. Not me, though, never me. Never a real person.
I think I was 12 when I figured it out. I figured out what love meant to me, and respect was key. Without it, any stalker on the street or abusive husband could claim that their love was the real deal, and I didn’t want that. Of course that made me realize that I couldn’t give my parents a pass on this one. They didn’t love me, they loved me in their own screwed up ways sure, but if I validated that as real love then a stalker or possessive boyfriends love would be just as valid. It hurt, and I was small, but it didn’t hurt that much worse than anything else and I was already in pain.
How do I explain that she went through all the motions a good parent should, that she hugged me when I cried about how I’d wanted to kill myself (forced me to hug her, wouldn’t let me go until I hugged her, I still remember trying to pull away three times before giving up- something about that is biblical I think. I still remember feeling like an animal was dying on its way down my throat, halfway lodged in my chest, when I realized the hug was about her and not me. It was about her feeling better, giving herself closure. Making herself feel like a better mom. “You knew I wanted to kill myself? and you never did anything?” “What was I supposed to do, you were always in your room.” I still hate being touched. Hugs are difficult, no matter how much I want them.)
It takes an essay to explain it. My parents are ghosts to me. Ghosts that text me nonsense every now and then and ask for updates. I give them the bits and pieces they’re asking for, because I can’t bring myself to be as cruel to them as they were to me.
meeting them face to face make me sweat. I shut down. I feel tired immediately. (aren’t you always tired?) I’m not safe with them (ok, but you’re not safe anywhere) I can’t rely on them. They will lash out if they don’t get what they want. They’ll twist anything they can. They’ll shout and badger and laugh and mock.
They’re the ones who told me not to be stupid, because if I’m stupid then I deserve whatever happens to me. They’re the ones who fueled my agoraphobia (everyone will kill you given the chance, if only you could stop being so strange) and blame me for never leaving the house.
I buried any idea of them being there for me, being people I could rely on, when I was 13. because I knew they would kill me if I didn’t.
My parents are ghosts who text me, or monsters using the faces of my dead protectors to torment me, or two very dysfunctional very disappointing people who should never have gotten married or had kids.
God I wish parents were real.
#nnstuff#rambling#vent#emotional abuse#parental abuse#child abuse#abuse#my mom is bad lmao#my dad is bad lmao#child abuse tw
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A Wolf And A Snake (Wriothesley x Reader)
Chapter 4: The Snake in Action
A/N: Ya'll, this is waayyyy later than promised. I'm so sorry, it's just that I went through a hell of a burnout and issues within my personal life. At least finishing this chapter was a bit of a getaway. Thank you so much for your patience, and I promise to keep this story going, and make it as beautiful as I can ❤️
Taglist: @yue-caelum, @reyy-chanx, @mis-disaster, @ladyarchiviste, @keigo-hawks-takami-simp
Warnings: Not as much Wriothesley in this because plotting I'm so sorry :( + Corruption, somewhat abrupt ending
He could pretend all he wanted. He could smile, talk jovially about art and principles and how beautiful you looked. But no one seemed to realize that you knew far more than he let on, far more than anyone. Everyone thought you were some stupid little girl, and they were wrong.
Archandelle's voice was shaky. His palms sweated, to the point of leaving a wet mark on the knees of his pants. He switched topics a lot, too. However, there was one theme that he stuck to: Innocence.
The breaking point for him was when your brother brought up politics: "Yeah, you need to be a bit more discreet with your public statements with the commoners these days. They'll bite at anything.".
Your father laughed and clapped a bit. Archandelle, on the other hand, did not seem to enjoy it as much.
"Oh yes, my friend! I've noticed it gets worse when so many of our security forces are commoners. They'll bite too when they're supposed to protect you as a citizen!".
There it is.
Your father and brother's smiles died upon the scary remark. Your suitor was quite sweaty and lowered his eyes onto his knees. No one really knew what to make of his outburst, until your father inquired carefully: "Err... My dear Archandelle, you're going to be family to us. And as such, we confide our worries in each other. Is something bothering you? Perhaps the room too hot?".
He looked up at you, and you feel dumb for not realizing the unusual eyebags on his pale skin. It was even worse than you imagined. Even better for you.
"My Lord Balthazar, I am grateful for this consideration. But my honor could not bear another shattering...".
He reached out to hold your hand.
"And what will my beautiful wife think if I told you all what happened? Oh, I can't have her think less of me before we even officially wed!".
Think less... You sure you're not late to that?
While you wished you could say that, you needed to squeeze out as much information as possible. Both your father and brother seemed to be at a loss of what to say. In that case, here comes the maiden.
"My beloved...".
The room's energy further froze when you called him as such, even more so in your soft voice and while tucking a strand of hair away from his face.
"... I think I can safely speak for everyone when I say we're very worried about you. Like Papa said, we're to be family. And as husband and wife, who can we confide in if not each other?".
Your mother beamed at her speech lessons being fruitful. He took your hand and put it to his cheek: "Oh, my love... How fortunate I am... But are you sure?".
He sure put up a fight when he was upset, another reason why you didn't want to marry him. You loathed these games of unlocking people's hearts to get them to talk, or these performances of a non-judging maiden without a single angry bone in her body; Wouldn't life be much easier if we were all honest and straightforward? But alas, people like Archandelle and your family love to complicate things. So at the end of the day, you just had to play this game a little longer before rejoining Wriothesley.
"I know that the tongue holds life and death. That's why I wouldn't implore you to tell me if I thought I couldn't handle it. (you looked up to your father) And I'm certain that Papa will lend his support if someone is making our life harder than it should be.".
He sat straight again, still looking morose but at least smiling: "Thank you, my dove. And thank you, Lord Balthazar, for blessing me with such a virtuous fiancée.".
Finally.
He took a deep breath and began: "A few days... No, nights ago... When I only wanted to read and think of young Lady Balthazar, I heard a knock at the door. It was... It was the Police Force. They called me in for questioning...".
Your father held his breath. Your mother repressed a gasp. And oh, the power you felt in this instance, being the only one who really knew what was going on.
"I swear, I've always abided by the law, so I've never had any need to interact with them. But they said they had to. Apparently, they were investigating many offenses that have seen a surge in Fontaine, and you know... We can't have that.".
Your father seemed to know what he was talking about: "Wouldn't be the first time that more and more people are being pulled to the side for 'questioning'. Sometimes, not even nobles are safe from that, right, Elisa?".
"Yes, indeed. In particular young nobles. I remember how much they hassled you when we had our first son...".
Even though you hated your parents, you almost wanted to thank them for saying that, even if unsure. It sure gave that nasty man some relief.
There was only one person who matched his uneasiness; Your brother, who was more at risk than his father due to his age: "Duke Archandelle... If you don't me asking, especially as a fellow young noble, do you know what offenses seem to catch the Police's eyes these days?".
He looked like he wanted to spill it. You didn't doubt that he, like many nobles, had some skeletons in the closet, but you had to know what they were. Any information that you could report back was crucial. It could make Wriothesley's investigative efforts more effective, and he had to be caught quicker than your potential wedding date. But as a young maiden, what you could say beyond meek reassurances was limited. If you knew too much about law and politics (beyond the limited repertoire your father allowed), you could get in trouble.
Despite that desire, he stayed silent for a bit, only sneaking a look at you for reassurance. You held his hand, before an idea emerged.
"I will happily be corrected if I'm wrong, but... As far as I know, Papa walked out of that investigation scot-free, didn't he? As do most nobles?".
No one spoke. You wanted some confirmation, anything. Your father only looked at you, and you wondered whether you trespassed a line.
"My daughter is correct. These investigative bouts always happen for no reason, usually over some crime the common people are worried about. We're always the first to whom they point their fingers first, Archandelle. You know that."
A maid walked in to serve some cake. It looked like she was waiting a while before having the courage to walk in. Who could blame her, with all this tension?
"... What they're looking for is money laundering, procuring fabricated evidence, blackmail and hybrid and Melusine discrimination. If they'll find something else on you, even better. Do be careful, my friends-".
Ever himself, your father boomed out: "Peuh! Like every other spike. Back in my day and now, it's still the same. At this rate, you can rule it off as protocol.".
Your mother continued: "Indeed, dear son-in-law. Oh, please have some chocolate cake, it will bring your spirits up again. The trick is to just lay low and be cooperative.".
And so, your suitor thanked your parents before digging into his cake. While the unease was still present, he seemed a little more relieved to get it out of his system.
You? You were singing high and loud on the inside. You exerted your memory hard not to forget the ensuing exchange, so you could note it down later. Indeed, there was much to be done with it, but for now, you had to play nice. Funny how cake tastes a million times better when you feel like you know what you're doing.
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Was there an ongoing motif in your life? It looked like the day was your family's, Archandelle's, and everyone else's. The night, on the other hand, belonged to you and Wriothesley. He was going to show up any minute now, but it felt like an eternity. Your stomach was churning in excitement at your findings and what you could report back to him.
The moon and candle lit up your father's office, and the documents you pulled out after hours of looking around frantically and saying little prayers that you wouldn't be caught. You almost gasped when a box fell and made a loud thump, but thankfully, you were in the clear. All that was left to distract you was reorganizing your findings, and even then it was pointless. You did the chore three times.
The long awaited knock rang at the door that has been closed to you for much of your life. You knew the drill.
"Password.".
Agatha's voice gave it to you, along with everything else you've endured for: "Wolfhook.".
Your dress swished out as a temporary goodbye to the moonlight as you went to unlock the door. Everything was going to plan.
Agatha wanted to wave at you, but you could barely see it before you felt Wriothesley pounce to hug you. Could you blame him? Your meetings were often sparse and even communicating was becoming more difficult, and letters simply did not cut it like being with him. Your parents were hellbent on taking up all the time you had.
"My love...".
He gave you a quick kiss, before turning to Agatha as if nothing happened: "Thank you very much for leading me up here.".
She chuckled: "But of course. It's my job to assist Lady Y/N as much as I can. (She yawned) Do you two need anything else?".
You felt a little bad for making her stay up as such, even if she was keen on helping you: "No thank you, Agatha. We really appreciate your help. Please get some sleep.".
"Well then! Good night, you two love birds.".
She retreated quick, for sleep was promised now. Before Wriothesley could think of kissing you again (and more), you pulled his hand to the desk. He was quite stunned: "Oh my... You've got quite the tall stacks over here.".
"Yup! There's so much that I think could help you out.".
He took off his coat and set it on the guest table, as he often did before getting down to business. You had to credit whoever sews his clothes; His vest was tailored down to the centimeter, accentuating his figure without going overboard on one feature or another. After seeing so many pot-bellied older nobles who could afford something nicer, but do not because: "I've technically done everything.", the sight Wriothesley gave you was making it hard for you not burn up.
By Focalors, what a perfect man...
"Last time, in the gardens, you told me to look out if Archandelle acts weird, right?".
"Yes. Did he?
"Nope...".
He quirked a brow: "No? Nothing at all?".
You pulled out the first document, a recount of Archandelle and your father's discussion over tea, as well as another about corruption that you have to eavesdrop on.
"He was shaking in his shoes.".
Enticed (and excited that your plan was going well), he grabbed it and read through. With each line, he grew more impressed; You recalled the date, time, context and had what they said almost word-for-word. You risked a lot for the second, shorter recount, and yet you still put much on the line to dig up the dirt:
(This was right before the pompous asshole left. He was having final words with Father. I was behind the corner.)
Father: I'm betting you that every young man of our class gets investigated for money laundering or some sort of discrimination.
A: Between the two of us, my Lord... Wouldn't you say that it happens with reason?
Father: Oh, everyone steps on a few necks to get where we are. Your father did it. Your grandfather did it. Mine did. And my son is finishing off that stage of his youth.
A: (wiping off sweat? maybe I can't see it) How so?
Father: Listen to me. Lay low and if there's 'evidence' (finger quotes) that you've done nothing wrong and can hand to them, definitely do so. Even if they continue doubting you, legally speaking they can't do anything. Just don't get caught red-handed.
A: I see, and this will pass, right?
Father: (laughs) There you go. Come on now, with your fortune and who your future wife is, no wonder someone's going to get jealous enough to call the Force on you!
He was not born a noble. But he was perceptive, quick to learn, and picked up on a lot of how the high class scene worked. He knew every noble had some illegality to them, and unfortunately for his younger self, he knew Fontaine still had corruption and injustice issues. Shit, he knew they got talked about. But so much was under wraps and died within the older members of the family, with the only certain hope of ending said crime was being caught.
You, the maiden of the house, put up such a good job. Maidens were generally barred from such conversations, but he saw that you catalyzed it. You lulled him, comforted him, seduced him as if you were his wife into spilling the beans. And with the other large stacks, he could only wonder what volumes of crime did you find on him.
Of all the possible whistleblowers, the maiden of the house. Amazing.
"You... got all that?".
"It wasn't so hard. Once I told him he was okay, he just went on. I suppose he can't keep some things to himself. Speaking of which...".
You grabbed a stack, relishing in the thunderstruck look on your lover's face. Oh, he did not expect all that, which made it even better. All your efforts in staying up, socializing, and eavesdropping were bearing their fruit.
"You really ought to go to more parties, my dear.".
The documents all had several sources. Many were from your father's office, some from the library, some looked like copies from police reports and even more recounts.
There was a document recording your father's bail-out from irresponsible financial decisions, signed by himself. Another recounted the Archandelle family's problematic history with Natlanese exploitation. A recording of a private trial with your suitor's father being dragged through the mud (funny it was recorded a bit before the asshat was born). Agatha's eavesdrop on whispered gossip of his discriminating canine hybrids. Volumes upon volumes of evidence, tens of reasons to file a motion of marital worry. Higher and higher chances of succeeding. If he focused well, he could hear Neuvillette's gavel bang, sentencing your father and Archandelle to life in Meropide, and perhaps: "Duke Armand Archandelle will never set an eye on Lady Y/N Balthazar.".
"You got all of this from parties?".
"Well, not all of it. But people talk a lot. And so long as there's a hidden spot for you nearby, you can hear it for yourself.".
You grabbed one of your earliest treasures, deciding to discuss things chronologically. Though Wriothesley was certainly paying attention, adding on to your discoveries, there was still a bit of an unnerved quality to his voice, as if he still had trouble believing that all of this information was procured by you.
At some point, you were fixated on a police report, and he asked the question you've been waiting for: "That's not a recount. That's a police report. How in Focalors' name did you manage to get your hands on that?".
Ah, that query. Originally, you were excited to tell him how. But as you recalled your methods, your façon, and randomly remembered that Wriothesley was among the greatest men of the law in Fontaine, a creeping embarrassment made its way through the door. On one hand, he might not be angry about it. But on the other, you felt like it went against his general judicial compass. You still decided to be frank.
"I used some of my allowance to bribe the officer. Waved the cash in his face, told him I've got more in the future, but that wouldn't arrive unless he gave me the documents I wanted. I even told him that it's for greater justice; After all, is it not his job to ensure that former crimes and bribery are brought to light, even if they belong to my father, fiancé and friends?".
He stopped and thought of his own actions, their intentions, and how perfectly aligned they were with yours. He expected to do most, if not all, of the legwork, and here you were surprising him.
"At first, he resisted. Said that I was corrupting him, and that the young Lady Balthazar doing this of all people was shameful. But then I told him that withholding the information I wanted was even more shameful, and I was just acting as the system was set up. So it was either he gets the cash for the info, or he waits years for the promotion needed so he can finally get married and have children.".
It started off as a chuckle, then emerged into a low laugh, still conscious of the importance of not getting caught.
"Unbelievable, my doll. Unbelievable. I'm starting to question whether the adults around you actually noticed this impish streak of yours.".
He got up from his chair, and slowly headed towards your side of the desk. No, your father's desk, but that was easy to forget in the moment: You were sitting there, with all of the information that would not only dismiss this horrid marriage proposal but also incriminate the two hated men.
"Oh? Well if you, a man of the law, can scheme, why can't I? Especially if it concerns my lover?".
He leaned to meet your face, utterly entranced by how beautiful power looked on. From the minute you strode in such an authoritarian manner - one he doubted you learned from the women around you - and how your dress billowed accordingly, to how focused you looked when you discussed your findings and what lawful repercussions might follow... He already disliked classical noble families for many reasons, but among the highest was the lack of authority given to women. Sitting right in front of him was the perfect example of power and beauty, all obtained by breaking that stupid rule.
Despite whose frame towered over whose, he still felt a slight blush tingle his cheeks.
"You... You certainly know more than you let on. You just don't show it. And I must say, nothing looks as gorgeous on you as power. When you become the Duchess of Meropide, you'll get to exercise it more. I'll make sure of it.".
Not wanting to wait more, you leaned up further and kissed him as the moon shone upon you two. Though his vision had an ethereally beautiful glow to it, it paled next to his translucent skin under the light. He liked to hold your waist when you kissed, but tonight it was no longer gentle, demanding permission. His muscular forearm encircled it and erased whatever distance there was between your bodies. If you focused, you could feel his heartbeat because it was even more frenetic than usual.
Too soon, he wanted to kiss your neck but broke away. He was glad to have the same judged ears, for they were useful; he caught on footsteps heading towards the office.
"Darling?".
He looked around for a hiding spot: "Someone is coming. We need to hide now.".
Whatever excitement you felt was replaced with panic, as your father was the most likely visitor. You hastily grabbed the stack and headed for the large closet in the corner of the room.
"Quickly!".
Wriothesley hunched over to fit himself (that wood looked sturdy enough to hurt his head). While he had to painfully cramp himself, he still managed to squeeze in with you, and you closed the doors as shut as they usually were.
"Good stars, I'm so sorry, my dear-".
"It's okay. Don't worry about me.".
The footsteps grew in volume. Having grown up to tell, you knew it was your father.
"What could the bastard possibly want in the ea-!".
Wriothesley didn't like the idea of shutting you up. He agreed with the call, but the door flung open to reveal the bastard in question. His hand was still over your mouth.
He yawned as he made his way to the shelf, followed by your mother.
"I'm telling you, dear, you really ought to see a physician for these bouts of waking up-".
"Yes, yes, but I can't call one in now, can I? In the meantime, the law is boring and complex enough to put me back to sleep.".
He grabbed a large book. Your mother had more to say: "Honey, do you think there's any extra stress in the current time that's... Making the sleep issue worse?".
Though you disliked her, you could never bring yourself to side with your father against her. Despite the obvious worry in her voice, your father sneered at her, as if she were an idiot: "My daughter's to be married soon and the Police force feels like amping up investigations again. What do you think, huh? That I'm having a walk in the park?".
"I'm sorry, dear...".
She looked at the ground and waited until he headed out, then followed him. Wriothesley's nose crinkled in disgust, and his ears twitched.
As you left the closet, he spoke up: "I know arranged marriages aren't the most affectionate, but the way he treats her... That's bad even by noble standards.".
"You know... When I was younger, mother always told me she married him for love. Never made a hint of sense to me, because I saw couples in love. Both in my books and the commoner couples.".
He chuckled: "At least we're not like them, and that's why we're happy. Is what we have not a million times closer to love than any other noble pair?".
He wrapped his hand around yours. You squeezed tight: "I think... I think part of love is how you let me do things.".
"That's a broad term. Like what?".
"So much of my girlhood could be summarized as: 'Y/N, don't do this or that. That's not ladylike. That's not social. That's not fitting of you.'. In fact, I'm sure they'd kill me if they found out about my little investigations. But you... We've been together for months and I have yet to hear anything else than encouragement from you. You let me act boldly, shyly, dramatically, and calmly, without having to fear you like Mother does Father.".
For no reason other than beauty's sake, you took a step and turned, the moonlight reflecting on the flowy fabric.
"Though I will admit, I still feel a little guilty about the bribery. Maybe because I've always condemned it, just like you.".
On most days, he cared about justice. He really did. But in this instance where you - technically at least - broke the rules and used your privilege to strongarm your way into data, he could not reprimand you. Even if he tried, his sense of justice did not flair out. "But that sort of behavior is what keeps corruption going! And corruption fails vulnerable children!", is what he would have thought in most cases. But you were never, not since the moment you looked at each other, a case regulated by rules.
"You gave the answer to the cop, didn't you? You're just playing among the parameters of your surroundings. It just so happens that they're shit.".
"Huh...".
The sun was going to rise soon. Your meeting had to end soon, so you could get some sleep; Eyebags would make you look suspicious.
"Y/N, I think...
What he really reasoning with corruption as such? Within the norm, he'd want someone in Meropide if they bribed (supposedly) one of Fontaine's higher authorities. But after all, your hand was being forced, in many ways: Between a loveless marriage, pre-existing secrets, and corruption... What could the both of you do?
"...I think we're just doing what we can to be together when no one else does. And we shouldn't have to, ideally. But that's life.".
"I suppose so...".
#yandere wriothesley x reader#yandere genshin x reader#wriothesley x reader#yandere reader#yandere fontaine x reader#a wolf and a snake
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not dying, no, just lying
george daniel + daughter!reader
warnings: mentions of depression
a/n: slowly but surely making my way back. i read an article where he was talking about his depression and this idea popped into my head. ty to the anon who requested george n his daughter🩷
It was something Charli was honest with you about. You had noticed it before. Although you couldn’t fully grasp the idea of depression as a whole and everything George was dealing with, you could sense a difference in him. Nothing too drastic, but the small differences led to lingering thoughts that couldn't escape your mind. School nights often looked a lot like this these days. Your mom was in the studio while George was at home with you helping with homework, and making dinner (all the typical dad duties) while your mum worked late nights. So tonight wasn’t abnormal. George was answering emails on his laptop while dinner was cooking in the background. You were sat at the counter across from him, supposed to be doing your homework.
“Dad?” He shot a glance at you. “Can you come check my work?”
He nodded and came round the corner, putting a hand on your back and pressing a kiss to your head as he looked over the math worksheet in front of him, eventually taking out his phone to use the calculator app. You looked at him. He breathed heavily, taking sharp inhales and exhales. Compared to the happy smiles he was showing off when he was with Charli yesterday, he was completely different. He wouldn't smile or laugh. Not that anything funny was happening, but he wouldn't crack a joke, wouldn’t smile, would barely look at you. It’s another thing Charli tried to explain to you and another thing you couldn’t comprehend. The way it worked in your mind is he was sad when he was with you, and happy when he was with everyone else. You were the problem. You were the thing that made your father feel like this. It was al your fault. Or at least that is what kept going through your mind.
You spoke after a moment, unsure about how to approach it. “Daddy?”
“Hm?” He kept his eyes on his (or rather your) work, only quirking an eyebrow in your direction.
You thought once more before you eventually spoke. “Are you depressed because of me?”
That caused him to turn. His face turned to confusion. “What?”
You made eye contact with him, feeling as if you had your footing for the conversation. “Are you depressed because of me?”
He turned to face you fully. “When did that idea get into that brain of yours?”
You just shrugged.
He smiled and leaned down to place a kiss on your cheek. “No, my beautiful angel, I am not depressed because of you.”
You looked away in thought. “But do I…make it worse?”
George laughed, amused that you could ever think like this. “No!”
Your face turned solum. “Are you sure?”
He sighed and pulled your bar chair closer to him. “What in the world is making you think this?”
You swallowed. “I don’t like seeing you sad, and I keep seeing you sad ever since you’ve come home from tour and have been with me. So then I was wondering if you’re sad because of me?” A tear or two had fallen by now. He whipped it away like he always had.
“Oh, my love. I’m happy because of you.”
“Really?”
He smiled. A real smile. “Really. You make my life worth living.”
You looked down. George knew this was a ‘big girl’ topic for you. He and Charli always did their best when trying to involve you in things, but his one seemed a bit harder. He knew you tried his be as mature as possible and he admired that. He still wasn't completely sure how to go about this. “It’s a complicated thing, love. I can’t just shut it off most days.”
Your gaze still drifted down. “Hey.” He tilted your chin up to get you to look at him. “What I’m feeling, this sadness has nothing to do with you. You make me feel better. And I’m sorry If I ever made you think otherwise.” You nodded, “I love you, okay? More than anything.”
You finally smiled a bit. “I love you too, Dad.”
He laid a kiss on your temple. “Perfect score by the way.”
#the 1975#x daughter!reader#george daniel#george daniel x daughter!reader#george daniel x you#george daniel x reader
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Astro Observations: Solar Returns
Source: Predictive Astrology the eagle and the lark by Bernadette Brady
Aspect Edition: 2022
☀️Neptune- ascendant: changing your personality from how you’re seen from the outside perspective. This happens usually by an unfortunate event or when traveling to escape. Ending the image that you present to the world.
-how it manifested for me: my mom passed away this year and I feel I lost my identity and am just dissolving my upbeat positive personality that everyone saw me as happy go lucky. I feel my humor is darker and I just resonate more with despair and darkness even though in general I’m still a positive person. It’s like life is whooping my ass but I’m still smiling lol.
☀️Neptune- sun: confused about your role in life, wanting to escape and travel.
- how it manifested for me: I feel absolutely lost in life because of everything I’ve lost this year (my full time job as well) and I had identified myself as that role. I’m sometimes conflicted with my role in the astrology world as well. Anything in the esoteric because I feel I’m living a life in the 3D and then another life somewhere else (online actually). I don’t feel I fit in anywhere with people but I can mesh well with others. Also, I’m dying to travel and start a new life. I wanna travel internationally.
☀️Uranus- MC: expect a sudden change in your job/career and your social status. For better or worse.
- how it manifested for me: my company laid me and 109 employees off 🙃 I guess I’m not suppose to be there 😅
☀️Saturn- Uranus: frustrated because achieving your goals is a slow progress.
- how it manifested for me: I’m so impatient cause it feels like everything is so damn slow. I have goals I wanna reach but it feels like I have to work even harder. Normally with my fitness goals I’ve had great luck and maybe it’s because I’m not as strict as I was before. I still think for the most part I look good with my body but I was at my fittest in 2019. I was also frustrated cause I worked hard and I wanted a raise and then we all got laid off so now I gotta start over.
☀️Saturn- moon: feeling of loneliness and wanting to isolate. Feeling like no one supports you.
- how it manifested for me: I moved to another state all by myself. Despite it being a busy and social city, I felt alone and wanting to isolate myself. I felt like I met people but couldn’t make connections 🥲
☀️Saturn- ascendant: being seen as more responsible and mature. Being as an authority.
- How it manifested for me: despite my Leo rising mannerisms and how I get along very well the youngins, I feel my piscean old soul def came out more. Also much more responsible especially since I lived on my own.
☀️Uranus- moon: events occurring so fast that you don’t have time to process them or react. Being free of your emotions.
- How it manifested for me: so much happened this year that I don’t think I processed my moms death, losing my job, being dumped and also moving away. I know it happened but like I think I reacted for a bit and then moved on to distract. I’m in therapy which is nice but yeah. Also could be that my moon is in Taurus in the 12th house so I feel much more emotionally stable but also repressed cause I still don’t believe it or I do but I’m like idk…it happened?? Weird?? I’m dreaming right?
☀️Uranus- sun: wanting to be free and re-classify yourself
- how it manifested for me: literally moved away because I felt trapped at home. I was more open about my love for astrology in my new city than I am in my hometown.
☀️Neptune- North Node: finding your spiritual path and a group/your “tribe” that’s in the category of the healing arts and esoteric. Diving into the metaphysical which pushes forward the person into a new life direction
- how it manifested for me: met you all in the Astro tumblr community 🥹🥺❤️ also dug deeper into astrology! I’ve studied it since 2018 but I went 💯 on it this gear. I also have a 9th house stellium in Aquarius in my SR.
☀️Pluto-Venus: intense fated connection with an intimate relationship or an emotional ending of one.
Note: Pluto represents mother figures and family members and people connected with death & dying.
- how it manifested for me: I did meet a man and he has a Gemini rising and Taurus moon in the 12th in his natal. My SR is Gemini rising and Taurus moon in the 12th. He impacted me greatly and how I viewed men. He was great and I’m grateful for him 💛
2021: significant events
☀️Neptune- Venus: illusions in romantic relationships. Love life could be wonderful or will leave you to deal with the harsh truth after it’s ended. Could possibly be conned.
- how it manifested for me: met a guy who is an Aquarius rising (my ascendant sign was Aquarius that year also) and when we dated I felt happy when being with him. But he ghosted (then he came back again and ghosted again) and I had to face the harsh reality of that. I’m sadly still recovering but I’ve made a lot of healing progress! I just know better now.
☀️Uranus- ascendant: changes to a persons life such as name and physical body. A huge drive for change/freedom.
- how it manifested for me: I got cosmetic surgery 😅 but I love it 🥰
I love astrology 💛 enjoy!
#astrology#astrology tumblr#astrology notes#astro community#zodiac#astrology observations#astrology101#astro#astrologer#solar return#solar return placements#aspects in astrology#astrological aspects
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Limited Life Incorrect Quotes
Pearl: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Martyn!
Martyn: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.
Cleo: Why aren’t you sleeping?
Scar: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Cleo.
Cleo:
Scar: …The nightmares.
Cleo: wrapping their arms around Scar Awwww, sweetie-
Grian: Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Martyn meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.
Martyn: Life could be worse, BigB.
BigB: Life could be a lot better too!
Bdubs: Hey, Cleo! Did you know your my BFFLWYLION?
Cleo: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Bdubs: Best Friend For Life Whether You Like It Or Not.
Cleo:
Cleo: That’s one way to say it, I guess…
Impulse: Hey, Scott? Can I get some dating advice?
Scott: Just because I'm with Martyn doesn't mean I know how I did it.
Scott: Hey, can you do me a favor?
Martyn: Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this.
Scott: You don’t even have a legitimate reason?
Martyn: Oh, no, I do.
Scott: Well, what is it?
Martyn: You see, I simply don’t give a fuck.
Martyn: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit?
BigB: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move.
Scar: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit.
Scar: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks.
Grian: Are. Are you speaking from experience.
Scar: No!
Scar:
Scar: ….Maybe.
BigB: Did you ever have like a pet run away and find it or anything?
Jimmy: I had a lizard that I burnt.
BigB, digging their grave: Long story short, this is my grave…….Want me to make you one too?
Skizz: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”
Grian: Did you take out Martyn as I requested?
Joel: Martyn has been taken out, yes.
Grian: You have my grat-
Joel: It was a great restaurant.
Joel: We had a romantic candlelit dinner.
Joel: Martyn proposed afterwards- we’re filing the wedding papers.
Joel: I’m quick at math.
Jimmy: Ok, what’s 38 times 76?
Joel: 24.
Jimmy: That wasn’t even close.
Joel: But it was quick.
Bdubs: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’
Grian: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.
Cleo: Are you laughing at that video of Pearl and Jimmy fighting?
Etho: No.
Etho: I'm laughing at the comments.
Scar: I have a bad feeling about this…
Grian: What do you mean?
Scar: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?
Grian: No?
Jimmy: That actually explains so much.
Joel: Hey, are you okay?
Pearl: Yeah.
Joel: You don't look okay…
Pearl: Then stop looking.
Martyn: Ah shit, I forgot.
Joel: Forgot what?
Martyn: How do you expect me to answer that?
Pearl: I can be your partner for the next race.
Cleo: Sorry, Pearl. It's a sibling race.
Bdubs: Maybe there's a contest for lonely children after this.
Cleo: It's only children, Bdubs. A lonely child is what you're gonna be when I sell you!
Cleo: I hate to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.
Bdubs & Scar:
Bdubs: Only one…?
BigB, at Cleo’s funeral: I need a moment with them.
Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. leaves
BigB, leaning over Cleo’s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.
Cleo, sitting up in the coffin: Yeah, no shit.
Bdubs: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants more advanced than us.
Etho: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:
Etho: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."
Joel and Grian's house is on fire, but they don't know it
Joel: Damn, it's hot in here.
Grian: I know, it's so hot there's smoke coming out of the vent!
Joel:
Joel: First of all, I'm assuming you have no idea what the problem with that statement is.
Grian: What?
Joel: Second of all, we need to get the fuck out of here, NOW.
Cleo: You can’t have a gun on stage!
Tango: WRONG AGAIN! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that’s the rule of Chekhov’s Gun: have a gun. And now that it’s been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play.
BigB: Hey, do you know the password to Cleo’s computer?
Pearl: Fuck you, BigB.
BigB: Hey!!
Pearl: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouBigB".
BigB: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.
Bdubs: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.
Impulse: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!
Cleo: I’m not being weird. Am I being weird?
Scar: Yes, and that’s coming from me.
Bdubs: You’re giving me a sticker?
Cleo: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”
Bdubs: I’m not a preschooler.
Cleo: Fine, I’ll take it back-
Bdubs: I earned this, back off!
Scott: Do you want to play 20 Questions?
Etho: Sure!
Etho: Whats your favorite color?
Scott, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?
Tango: Would you rather kill Pearl, or—
Scott: Yes, kill them.
Tango: I didn’t say the other thing—
Scott: I don’t need to hear it.
Pearl: …I’m feeling a little unsafe.
Cleo: I came out here to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now.
Etho: Did you buy eggs like I asked?
Skizz: Even better!
Etho: What the fuck did you-
Skizz: holding up a chicken Her name is Fluffy.
Pearl: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset?
Jimmy: No, I said "Pearl, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.
Impulse: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait.
Skizz: You and me!
Impulse: tearing up Ok.
Cleo: Please could you go to the shop and get a carton of milk, if they have avacodos get six.
Scar, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avacados!
BigB: I’m telling you, my team is competent.
Jimmy, rushing in: BigB! Pearl tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!
Scott: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?
Martyn: wHat?
Scott: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.
Martyn: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?
Tango: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable… …and also assault with a deadly weapon.
Tango: I'm so happy, I could kiss you!
Scar: Um…Neat.
later
Scar, lying face down on their bed: I said "Neat," BigB. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.
BigB, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Scar. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Grian confessed their love for me?
Scar: Didn't you thank them?
BigB: closes the book and looks at the ceiling I fucking thanked them.
Grian: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
BigB: This knife is actually a magic wand.
Bdubs: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.
Cleo: cocks gun Magic missile.
Skizz: What the fuck is wrong with you people.
Pearl: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.
Tango, Scott, Grian, and Etho: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!
Joel: Cleo doesn’t look very happy.
Grian: That's their happy. They're just a bitch.
BigB: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them?
Pearl: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them.
BigB: Okay yeah thanks Pearl, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT?
Joel: I’m here for the cult stuff.
BigB: How did you find us?
Joel: I saw your ad on craigslist.
Tango: All right, y'all! Let's take a vote!
Grian: A secret vote. Everyone close your eyes.
the Squad closes their eyes
Skizz: We don't see the result!
Grian: Well, just say your vote out loud.
Jimmy: Won't we recognize each other's voices?
Joel: Tango has a point.
Pearl: Did you miss me while I was gone?
Scott: You were gone?
Skizz: That was so hot, Tango.
Tango: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.
Skizz: I'm so in love with you.
Joel: Do you guys want to see a butterfly?
Etho: Ooh, yes please!
Pearl, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug!
Joel: It's not a bug though…
Pearl: …
Etho: …
Pearl: Well I still don't want to see.
Etho, realizing: Please don't throw-
Joel: Whee! throws a stick of butter
Joel: chokes on something
Jimmy: Jeez, Joel, don't die on us.
Joel: Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want!
Grian: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died.
Grian: I will not yield.
Pearl: We’re about to do the taser challenge. You want in?
Tango: What's the taser challenge?
BigB: We tase eachother, then drink.
Tango: How do you win?
Pearl: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?
Tango: Is this mistletoe?
Etho: Uh, no, no, that is basil.
Tango: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you.
Etho: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.
Tango: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
BigB: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you.
Tango: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better.
BigB: …
Bdubs and Cleo are planning to break in somewhere
Bdubs: We need to distract the guards.
Cleo: Right.
Bdubs: What are we gonna do?
Cleo: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes.
Bdubs:
Cleo:
Bdubs: Deal.
BigB: Scar has no survival skills, their need to win has replaced them.
Etho: That can't be true!
BigB: Watch this.
BigB: Hey Scar, race you to the bottom of the stairs!
Scar: Throws themself out a window
Pearl: Jimmy is off at an appointment, so while they’re gone, I’m going to cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.
BigB: Why?
Pearl: They’re like 90 of my impulse control.
#trafficblr#incorrect quotes#limited life smp#limited life#24lsmp#traffic smp#trafficshipping#< technically#zombiecleo#goodtimeswithscar#bdoubleo100#inthelittlewood#smajor1995#pearlescentmoon#bigbst4tz2#solidaritygaming#smallishbeans#grian#tangotek#impulsesv#etho#skizzleman#nosy neighbours#t.i.e.s.#clockers#bad boys#coral kids
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I'm sincerely trying to find answers to these questions. I'm seeking advice.
I'm going to start this off by stating that I'm still writing. I haven't quit. I'm not going to quit. This is about sharing. I've had so many people assume I quit writing or only will write for the sake of being a published author. I'll always be writing as long as I'm alive.
And as someone who firmly believes that people can choose whether or not to share their art with the world and no one else gets to decide that, I also believe that it's not wrong to want to have readers. Libraries and bookstores and art galleries and art sites and everything else - we connect to each other through art. It wouldn't exist if everyone just went, "Welp, I made the thing, good for me. Done!" And if someone is going to tell me that I should feel that way, I hope you keep all your writing and art to yourself. If not, I'd consider it a kindness to us both if you don't respond to this post through comments, DMs, or asks. Thank you. ;)
So onto the questions I'm seeking advice on.
How can I overcome the shame of posting writing for about 14 years and still barely getting readers? (But often getting a lot of critique?)
I've been in writing circles, reading and cheering on others, and they read one anothers' writing, but I'm frequently passed over/ignored - and that's the kinder response. I've been told that I'm there for my support only, that I'm not a good enough writer myself, that my characters are all the same.
How does one keep posting links to their published work or AO3 chapters/works, when they never get any likes or reblogs across several websites?
When friends have done nothing but scold them for not being good at PR, when I'm just... I'm a writer, not a businessman. And I am trying, but even popular authors on social media have mentioned that word-of-mouth and boosting of their work on social media has impacted their success? That M*sk taking over one of those sites has negatively impacted their interactions and therefore their sales? (Wouldn't this mean they also suck ass at PR? xD)
Am I supposed to believe I have a chance, when even established authors are struggling?
I don't like myself very much, and I'm ashamed of level of skill, even though I enjoy writing so much I can't help but always want to do it. I can't help but create stories and get excited about writing them down. There are even times I feel like I've made progress. Gotten better as a writer.
But it's so hard not to end up letting other people make me feel ashamed.
It's true I shouldn't listen to those people, but why have they been so many, and why is the positivity always so few and far in-between? Maybe if it was one voice in one-hundred, but what if it's twenty voices out of thirty? What am I to believe then? When even friends clearly have no faith in my works and don't want to be seen associating with it?
I wanted to be a published writer. I wanted to make a little bit of an income on writing, so I'd have reason to do what I love even more.
But I've spent most of my life feeling like a fool who keeps humiliating himself. Who wonders if the truth is that I'm worse at writing than even I'm willing to admit.
I had one story that "took off" on AO3, but even that lost readers by the end, and no one is interesting in anything I have created before or since then.
And that story... I've been editing it heavily and even added chapters, and I'm like, "I should post the new version sometime" but I'm convinced no one even wants it. (And I'd have to do it for free, and I can't afford to do things for free. I just got on medicaid finally and went to a food pantry last week and keep applying for help, and I have to wait until April to see a doctor to get critical help for my multiple health issues that might make my ability to work even harder. I broke down and crocheted stock for a table this month, and the pain in my wrist is excruciating, and the pain my heart that I can't spend half that time making personal passion projects with something I only want to do as a hobby is even more excruciating. So no, not every story of mine can just be churned out for free.)
Anyway, thank you for reading and your time, and if you have legitimate advice/answers/support... I could use it. I could use it more than ever.
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the guest.
dialogue prompts from the guest: a novel by emma cline.
you've always been good at seeing things clearly.
compared to the city, this is heaven.
what are people seeing in my aura?
i have no memory of it, but it's possible.
things i touch start to seem doomed.
it's always best not to know too much.
we had fun, didn't we?
you're nice, in your demented way.
a date? an actual date?
this is real, you and me. or it could be.
isn't it better to give people what they want?
you aren't close with your family?
i'm no longer vulnerable to your opinion.
do you need anything, before i head out?
this is a convincing substitute for a life.
no problem is unsolvable.
who could be threatened by a girl scout?
people just want to hear their own voices.
certain places make you feel like all problems have solutions.
what would it take to get you to break character?
i don't really think it's that kind of party.
am i misreading the vibe?
there are many ways to keep knowledge for yourself.
i should've put on real clothes. shoes, at least.
do you have something you want to tell me?
we were friends, weren't we?
i think we've met, maybe, right?
my life before seems a million miles away.
everyone here has known me too long.
do you want a beer?
i'm a vegetarian, mostly.
it would make sense if none of this were real.
whenever i'm scared, i just make myself believe it's all a movie.
i actually like cooking. it relaxes me.
i'd rather sit in here with you.
you don't seem old enough to have a kid.
you can kick me out whenever you need to, really.
come sit with me. please. i'm lonely.
i can make literally anything you want. i went to bartending school.
who would want to fuck ____?
what do we think? good or bad?
i did something that can't be undone.
just get out, okay?
do you think it's not obvious, what your deal is?
sugar doesn't grow your bones.
sorry, i'm visiting. i don't know the rules.
i'm not even a grownup.
i have you. you're okay.
wait. are you feeling sorry for me?
i didn't feel well. i left early.
i'll bet you were one of those kids who never seemed young.
you're, like, really pretty.
people's unhappiness can infect you.
what's your accent?
i kind of wondered if i'd see you.
you don't actually care. you care about seeming like you care.
it's easy to be nice to you.
good to see you out and about.
where'd you go? i missed you.
is there some place quieter?
what bad things could ever befall you?
when you cover something up, it makes people look harder.
i'm gonna kiss you. yeah?
how come you don't tell me anything?
i wish we could just stay here and never go home.
most people never feel how they're supposed to feel.
i'm tired of you keeping tabs on me, acting like i'm a kid.
it looks worse than it actually is.
where are you? how come i'm all alone?
you can't just make this disappear.
it sounded true when i was saying it.
all is good. all is well. lovely, even.
you'll forget it all, with a little effort.
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Hi! I just binge read your How To Raise Your Dragon Slayers AU and I need to inform you that I have accepted it as my new canon. I like that you make sure actions and events have consequences and things don't just happen in a vacuum. The worldbuilding you are doing is just something and my inner nerd is just thrilled that the magic makes sense. Your characterizations are also fantastic and you can easily believe that a character would have turned out this particular way if things went differently.
But anyway, I'm rambling...
I know it's still some time away but I can't wait for your Edolas Arc! This surprised me because, I'll be honest, it's very much not my favorite. Mashima wasted a fantastic opportunity for some character development and foreshadowing, in my oppinion. On that note, some questions:
Does obscura work in Edolas? Does etherious? As one is the opposite of ether and the other vibrates in a frequency between the two, so to speak. That would be great, just to have a scene where some poor sod goes "You can't use your magic here! You're useless!" and Natsu and Mira go "Oh no! What a tragedy!" and wreck them.
I never understood why some member of Fairy Tail didn't just grab Mystogan like a baby koala and drag him home with them. It's obvious he didn't want to be there and he already made a life for himself in Earthland. Moreso in HTRYDS. He actually interacts with other people, however little, and even has friends and a twin! They would definitely miss him.
On that note, I dearly want Jellal and Myst to pull a Parent Trap sort of thing and pretend to be the other. Or at least have someone yell out his old name to get Mystogan's attention and Eathland Jellal answers because Myst hasn't answered to that name in years.
Will Acno be there? How will Edolas mess with a being of pure ether? That would be interesting to explore.
Will Natsu talk with Edolas Natsu about their respective brothers? After the Zeref reveal I was always mad they didn't include at least one scene where Edolas Natsu asks Earthland Natsu how his brother is or at least have a board with deceased/ex-members of the guild with Zeref on it in the background or something... It would have been great foreshadowing.
Will we get some Porlyuska backstory? I always wondered how she ended up in Earthland.
Not really Edolas Arc related but after my latest reread it's been bugging me. Is Zeref possessed by Anksheram? The Larcade POV with the red eyes sorta hinted at it, what with Zeref having memory lapses and the weird dark amusement during the whole deal. And the whole question of how he new some cultists were trying to resurrect Apopis on a different continent in the first place. Seun *did* know about it when he was finally kicked out of Rogue. And Loke said that that was one of the ways to survive for a god. Your Author's Note on chapter 23 of Demon Tails sorta did too with the "when I talked about 'fighting gods' in the series summary, I was dead-on serious" part. And there was a comment somewhere that you hoped that the series will end with fighting Anksheram. (Or was it someone else and I'm just mixing things up? Anyway)
Hope you're taking care of yourself! And take all the time you need with the writing. A hobby is supposed to be fun. Good Luck!
Ohoho HELLO! WELCOME!
I'm so glad you've been enjoying HTRYDS! And yes! Edolas arc! No lie I'm pretty excited for that one too because I get to go off the rails and make everything better and worse simultaneously lmao. Gonna be a big cast but also that's because it's going to be a whole family endeavor and I am h y p e d.
As for the magic, this isn't a spoiler for the arc or anything but it's not that Edolas is opposite to Earthland. It's functionally the same thing, except, unstable and also to the left. Imagine the same chart, except somebody corrupted the image and then slid it to the side so it looks like an overlap but it's not actually an overlap. Hence the magic being exceedingly harder to grasp in Edolas than in Earthland, though not impossible. And why certain medication and items can jumpstart that grabbing process and let Earthland mages use their magic. Gonna suck for some of them though. Like Acno lmao. Luckily he doesn't need magic to be a tank. Oh and obscura is a similar principle—exists just fine but to the left. Etherious is the fun one because it's already the directionless filler stuff so actually that one is nearly the same. (I've got a reason for this magic system and it's wild but idc I had a lot of fun with my worldbuilding and I wanted Edolas and its insanity to make a modicum of sense and I think I've got it.)
To that note yes yes a thousand yesses Porlyusica is getting backstory. I am so ready for it. Soooo so ready.
And yes!! The foreshadowing! That's what I've been saying! Edolas had a lot of opportunity to account for the fact that Natsu, Gajeel, Wendy, Sting, and Rogue were from four hundred years ago and shouldn't exist in a modern parallel unless there were modern interferences but nahhhhh that was brushed to the side. Same with family, like with Zeref!
Speaking of family yeah no Mystogan got robbed. Luckily I love Mystogan a lot and I ain't gonna do him dirty. (Also this arc will be ample opportunity for Mystogan and Jellal getting to work together in fic and I'm also super hyped for that.) But yeah no self-sacrificial tendencies do run strong in FT but the theme is that somebody else stops them so I'm making sure this theme stays intact XD
Also I've hinted at this enough so I don't think it's much of a spoiler but yes we are going to fist-fight Ankhseram. She's lurking around Zeref but there shall come a day, a finale-shaped day, where we gonna fist-fight her. Because yes I have expressed that I wanted that in canon and I am a simple woman. I know the opportunities I have given myself >:)
#htryds ask#anon#I think I answered that terribly out of order but my brain is spinning#very good comment I am getting excited for edolas again ahaha#but yes thank youuuuuuuu#and I am trying to take care of myself no worries#just means smaller chapters in the meantime#cause I know I'mma have to break for October so I don't want to break now#and make the break super long or anything#i'm figuring it out ahaha#thanks for all of the support!#also I really got to make that magic diagram....
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