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nerdpoe · 7 months

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I'm not trapped with you, you're trapped here with me.

Danny, in Gotham after bolting from the GIW after a reveal gone bad, is on the roof of a building.

The building is surrounded by GIW agents.

Danny can't fly away, or they'll gun him down.

When the local vigilante lands behind him, all he can think about is how he isn't ready to die all the way. That he admires Gotham Vigilante's, but he isn't going to doubt that they'd side with the letter of the law.

So he overshadows them and bullshits his way out of the situation.

For a Bat, which Danny has heard are notoriously stubborn and tenacious, the chick he's possessing is surprisingly chill. She isn't fighting back at all, completely content to hand over the reigns.

Usually there's like, a little struggle.

Cass, however, is quietly perusing through the memories of the ghost that has possessed her.

He had no ill will when he did the jump, only fear. He only seeks to escape, and Cass understands that with an intimacy she wished she did not have.

What she wants to know is the why.

Hence, subtly going through his mind.

There are many things she was not aware were laws, and she believes that Bruce does not know are laws as well.

She will have to tell him.

He will fix it, one way or another.

She will make sure that he does.

So she watches the most recent memory of her Ghost possessing her; memorizes how it feels for him, how he did it from his point of view, and decides to take over so that she can get him to optimal safety.

If he is a ghost, and a ghost is a soul, and she has a soul; she should be able to take control again. Possess herself. Lock him in.

She is right.

She can feel the brief struggle, the confusion, as her ghost is forced to be the passenger. He tries to leave, but she focuses on how possession felt for him and locks him in place.

Ah!

This would be a good time for a Star Wars quip. It will be funny, even if he does not understand it.

"Congratulations. You are being rescued. Please do not resist."

@simplestoryteller

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #story prompt #phanfic #danny does understand it #this is what stops him from actually fighting back as hard as he can #because he's giggling #and it calms him enough to wanna see where this Bat is taking him #he doesn't know them name by name #but he knows they tend to do more good than harm #unless the red one is having a bad mental health day #which red one?#both

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selfhealingmoments · 1 year

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thebibliosphere · 1 year

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Yesterday was my first time in the ER since my hEDS diagnosis was officially added to my file (instead of me having to tell them and hoping they’d believe me), and everyone in my emergency care team was on top of it. Like on the ball, fully engaged and interested in keeping the zebra in the hospital comfortable.

They also all knew what MCAS and POTS were and deferred to me when it came to medication and pain management. Which was also wild, because they were not shy at all about offering pain relief. They straight up offered me narcotics, when usually the most I get offered is Tylenol.

Even the CT tech knew what MCAS was and asked if we should pre-treat with Benadryl because he knew some patients could experience mast cell destabilization from the radiation even without the contrast dye.

He and the nurse even helped brace my neck when I was going into the CT machine because I mentioned having cranial instability, and the position I was in was making my neck click, so they stopped everything to find multiple pillows to brace my neck and shoulders while I was on the table.

Afterward, while being bussed through the corridors in my bed (because they had to dehydrate me to take the CT scan and my POTS was going haywire, and they made sure I had to be upright as little as possible), I commented to my nurse that I was startled that everyone I’d spoken to that day knew about EDS/MCAS/POTS and were so accommodating.

He paused before answering, then told me, “We probably don’t know as much about EDS as we should, but we’ve seen a lot of the other two over the last few years. Covid really messed people up. Did yours start with covid?” No, I told him. We think I was probably born with it and a dental infection turned it lethal. He expressed his sympathy and again reminded me I didn’t need to be a hero and I could press the pain med button whenever I needed to.

Back in my room, they started me on IV fluids to combat the dehydration from the POTS. And I was laying there, I became aware of the nurse bracing my elbow so it wouldn’t hyperextend while he futzed around with the IV and I remember thinking, “this is how it always should have been.”

The kindness and care shown to me were in such stark contrast to past experiences it made me quite tearful. There were no accusations of anxiety, no referrals to psyche, and no implications that I was over-exaggerating my pain. No denying of my experiences.

Just a quiet, vocal acceptance that I “knew my body best” and that they’d do whatever they could to help.

It was nice.

#chronic health tag #posting for bad days when I need to remember there are good healthcare providers #long post #medical trauma

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nothingbizzare · 2 months

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Three tipes of people on valentine's day

#i completely forgot that today is valentine's day oh welp i think its because the aro/ace silly me is here for only chocolate #happy valentines day for everyone !! hope u have a good day !!#i was first thinking to draw something with fashion and terumob but then started thinking of funny comics so here have this #teru loves valentine's day because he gets chocolate #i really wanna see how cheap i can get chocolate after valentine's day #ritsu getting as well a lot of home made cookies and chocolate but like what to do with so many sweets like he is thinking about health #nothingbizzare art #i am talking too much #hanazawa teruki #mob psycho 100 #mob psycho fanart #shigeo kageyama #teruki hanazawa #ritsu kageyama #mp100 #mp100 fanart #now i am tired to tag because i was so excited to talk aaaaaaaaaaaa #i need to talk with someone about mob psycho

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stuckinapril · 3 months

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I will entrench myself in literature this year no matter what the fuck it takes

#forgot how euphoric it felt to just be seen by a piece of writing #I’m excusing myself for last year bc I was having the busiest semester of my life & then traveled shortly after #so I didn’t make reading a priority #but no more. i have to consume more this year. it makes me feel so good whenever I’m down in the dumps #it’ll be hard in tandem w all the other shit I’m juggling but I’ll make it work #I’ll make it a priority for my mental health lol #just like I have to pop my vitamin pills every day I have to READ MORE to STAY SANE #teen me consumed so many books & i wanna go back to that. full on literature girl for 2024 #p

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mandana-the-service-pup · 4 months

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Methotrexate Update

Doctor got back to me about my labs. My absolute monocytes are high but she isn’t concerned. She didn’t explain why (my best guess it’s bc my exercise has increased so drastically in such a short amount of time but idk) She says I can stay at the same dose and she doesn’t need another lab for three months. I have been doing GREAT on it. Hardly any negative side effects.

The stomach pain I’ve had every night for a year is gone.

My post-exercise chest pain that I’ve been going to cardiologist and ER for since Oct 2022 is completely gone (playing and shoveling snow 100% would have set that off)

TMI // My period has been freaking purple since Sept 2022 and I’ve been bleeding so much that the OBGYN thought I had a fibroid rupture. Well I just had my first period on Methotrexate and it’s all back to normal now and the amount was 1/3 what it has been which is a huge relief. It still hurt but I was able to eat and drink which I usually struggle with for the first few days. Maybe the pain will get better over time.

My gums don’t bleed any more when flossing. It just stopped as soon as I started methotrexate.

I’m able to eat and drink a lot more than I was which is great.

I have way more range of motion in my joints (which is making me have more problems with my hypermobility but whatev)

I still have muscle and joint pain but I honestly think most of it is bc I’ve been able to do so much more. I was taking 600 mg ibuprofen 2-3 times a day and my pain was still 7-7.5/10 and now I’m not taking any ibuprofen except maybe once every couple days and it’s a solid 6-6.5/10

Oh and I can take deeper breaths. Like I’m still having low oxygen show up on my oxymeter but for most of my life my ribs have felt like I’m wearing a corset and they can’t expand when I breath in and that has improved so much that I just walk around the house thinking “wow. I can take a breath. Wow” I’m not sure if this is due to my joints and ribs having more range of motion or if it’s connected to the hyperinflation of my lungs that showed up on the X-ray. Idk but it’s awesome and I’m making an appointment with pulmonologist again to double check lung stuff

The only con I’m currently having is the high absolute monocytes which my dr says is fine and I’ve been having really bad night sweats (actually I’m sweating a ton all the time) but I think my body is just like…recalibrating. Usually effects are really seen after a few months so I’m super excited for 2024!

Mandana’s Health Update

Surprise surprise the new vet doesn’t want to prescribe LDN/s

I get why. There are no studies on using LDN for pain in dogs (there are a few cancer studies in dogs which include LDN for pain relief and QOL but whatev) I humored her and tried to use Carprofen but Mandana doesn’t do well on pain meds and always gets an upset stomach after a couple days. This time was no different and she was miserable and vomiting so I took her off it. We discussed all of our options which I’ll list now for reference:

Decrease carprofen from 75mg twice a day to 75mg once a day // not gonna work bc the original dose wasn’t even very effective for managing her pain and I imagine if she’s already having problems with NSAIDs then taking even a small dose every day for years will hurt her.

Try a different NSAID called Meloxicam // we expect the same problem we have with carprofen

Try a different type of pain relief called Amantadine // Used along side NSAIDs (which we can’t do) so not very effective on its own and can have a side effect of urine retention which Mandana is prone to (she gets this as a “rare” side effect of both apoquel and Benadryl so I would rather not risk it, esp since Proin gave her high blood pressure and we had to discontinue it so there would be no back up if she got incontinence again)

Try the new type of pain relief that was just approved in the US called Librela // This is what we’re going to do next. She has an appointment for her first injection 1.5 weeks from now.

Consult with a Neurologist and get an MRI // After we get her back pain approved by our PetsBest insurance we will make an appointment for a neurologist consult and MRI. The two X-rays we have are 9 months apart and show a narrowing of the disc space between L4-5 but the general consensus is that it shouldn’t be causing as much pain as she is in so an MRI will give us a better idea of what’s going on and the Neurologist might have more treatment options for us.

We really want to wrap up some of these big health concerns for both of us before 🐾2025🐾👀 and we are already making a lot of progress so I’m super hopeful!

#belgian malinois #3 years #canine rehabilitation #sick dog #vetblr #service dogblr #dogblr #new medicine #methotrexate #disability blog #good health day #2024 #inflammatory polyarthritis #ehlers danlos syndrome #hashimoto thyroiditis #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #dysautonomia #gastroparesis

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boysbeloving · 4 months

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apo with kitties for @discluded

Happy Birthday, Kyuu!

#i hope you are doing well!#and i hope it's your bday in your timezone lol #have a great day and i wish you happiness love and good health #please have some apo with cats as a bday gift <3 #apo nattawin #apo nattawin wattanagitiphat #kinnporsche #man suang #apo x cats

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selfhealingmoments · 2 months

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#life lessons #good life #mental health #self reflection #self improvement #self worth #self help #self care #self love #be yourself #letting go #new life #inspirational quotes #new beginnings #positivity #new day #new me

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vyeoh · 8 months

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I'm being 100% serious one of the worst things stan culture has done is making suicide jokes commonplace again

#like we had a brief period of time where people were getting over the edgy kys jokes and then twitter and tik tok brought them fully swing #i despise it so much its bad for your own mental health and its bad for others #vio.txt #vio.rant #tw suicide #call me easily triggered but it legit makes me so uncomfortable on a good day and makes me spiral on a bad one #and like u can't ask people to stop without it being weird

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skapediem · 10 months

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bidididibumbum to san fernandooo

#asteroid city #wes anderson #the goods #jason schwartzman #augie steenbeck #jake ryan #woodrow steenbeck #tom hanks #stanley zak #not gonna tag the triplets. bc theyre kids and that feels weird #anyway i loved this movie i havent stopped thinking about it in days. idgaf about it having mostly 1 stars on google #this is a movie for the girlies on a space age history kick in denial about the state of their mental health < me

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beanghostprincess · 2 months

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Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.

And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.

That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.

Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.

#bean posting zosan this is so rare and weird don't get used to it sweeties #kind of tired of people jumping to extremes with these two btw like-#they don't hate each others but they're also not best friends-- respect is something they value even more than those things #they're not good for my mental health they make me go insane #this wasn't meant to be in a shippy way but idk if you wanna see it as romantic you do you bc it could def be #it depends on my mood #i consider myself a zosan shippers on random days #you could also say sanji thinks zoro doesn't give a fuck about him and that's why he tells him bc we know this guy's self-worth is awful #but i also like to think it's because zoro's views on life and death are exactly what sanji needs #luffy would try to look for a way to fix this and they others wouldn't be able to do it tbh #i mean if it ever got too serious i think luffy could do it but do you really think sanji's gonna make him go through that #if zoro has to die he wants to die by luffy's hand but if sanji has to die he wants to die without involving their captain #idk if that makes sense okay i haven't slept at all tbf #one piece #black leg sanji #roronoa zoro #zosan

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 16 days

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On Kurapika's Self-Imposed Isolation

While I recognize that probably everything I'm about to say is going to be super obvious, I just wanted to briefly touch on Kurapika's self-isolation, and the reason behind his not picking up his phone or exchanging anything more than clipped words and business after Yorknew.

I think the obvious answer is that Kurapika doesn't want his friends in harms way, or to be used as a bargaining tool against him. This is an understandable and probably accurate conclusion. After all, Gon and Killua did get taken hostage, and Kurapika was forced to negotiate an exchange. Chrollo picked up on Kurapika's "weakness" right away - that he values his friends' safety before his revenge. Fortunately for Kurapika in this situation, Pakunoda was a whole lot more similar to him than he would've cared to admit, as she placed a value on Chrollo's life even though everyone in the Spider was intended to be replaceable. So, now that he's been through Gon and Killua having potentially gotten killed or seriously hurt, and Chrollo knows that he has a soft spot for them, it does make sense that he would try to push them away for their safety and for the sake of not having an exploitable "weakness" in future. He may also not want to burden them more when they have their own lives to live - he does slip off without telling Gon and Killua for the sake of not distracting them from Nen training, after all.

Except that he already tried all this earlier in Yorknew arc. He tried to tell them they shouldn't get involved, and they all agreed that the risks were massive - but his friends agreed to undergo the risks anyways to help him. Kurapika was even grateful for it - "I have been blessed with good friends."

So, for him to push them away solely for this reason after the fact, knowing that this was very much a likely situation to happen, is a little odd to me. Kurapika knows full well that Leorio would be frustrated, Killua would be offended and Gon would worry. So, I think there's a little more to it than that, and I actually would venture to say that "keeping his friends out of danger" is more a secondary reason for his actions - one that would come across as more of a reasonable excuse to others.

The primary reason is likely a lot more selfish than that. Kurapika has to ensure his mission comes first. And unfortunately, he is fully aware that his path and choice in abilities is deeply self-destructive.

Kurapika needs to make sure that he doesn't have exploitable weaknesses, sure, but he also just as much needs to purposefully worsen his headspace - and he can't do that with those three around.

Think back, what are the happiest moments we see from Kurapika in the series? The one that comes to mind first, and the one I'm sure most of us will think of immediately, is this:

[ID: A screenshot from the 2011 anime adaptation. Kurapika smiles - he looks at ease. End ID.]

It's one of the sweetest scenes of the series imo, right before the whole group is reunited for the first time since the Zoldyck Family arc, and it's even more notable because it comes immediately on the tail end of this...

[ID: Three panels from HxH Chapter 101. Kurapika removes his contacts over the sink. His expression is distant. End ID.]

...and this...

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A close up of Kurapika's vacant and furious expression, his eyes wide and dangerous as he says "It might as well be you." Though the art is in black and white, it's apparent his eyes have gone scarlet. End ID.]

...and this.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A distant Kurapika speaks on the phone on a rooftop at night, the cityscape of Yorknew around him dark, but speckled with lights and stars. He says "The Spiders are dead." His face is not visible to the reader. End ID.]

This is, up to this point in the series, Kurapika at his lowest. In contrast to Gon, who is happy to hear that the Spiders are dead already because now Kurapika can focus solely on finding his peoples' eyes, Kurapika... is clearly not happy - and that's because killing the Spiders himself isn't just revenge. It's penance. It's survivor's guilt. Kurapika's powers, which Izunavi even comments sound much like he is chaining himself in the process of chaining his enemies, are oh-so-beautifully prophecied to destroy him - and Kurapika was aware of this from the moment he set off down this path of revenge.

(As a side note, this is why I'm really hoping we see Gon and Kurapika interact again after the Chimera Ant arc - while Gon has always been pretty attentive to Kurapika's emotional state, in Yorknew, he lacks a true understanding of why Kurapika would go so far... but as of now, he understands rage fueled by guilt and grief all too well. I know we're all rooting for Leorio to reach Kurapika, but barring that, I really think Gon could get through to him - after all, they are similar in several ways, and I find it fairly apparent that Gon reminds Kurapika of Pairo.)

But back to the main point here - I do suspect Kurapika expects (if not wants) his revenge mission to destroy him. I think a lot of times, we forget just how young Kurapika is, and how much his character is dictated by honour, and the abandonment of it.

Certainly, he can and will go against his principles for the sake of his mission... yet, almost paradoxically, he's bound to his promise to his fallen clan; a promise to avenge them made in anger.

But Kurapika... doesn't come across as a naturally angry person to me at all.

He seems like the stoic, vengeful type on his initial introduction... and then we get his panic at Gon's recklessness

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 2. Kurapika and Leorio wear matching expressions of panic in front of Gon, calling him out for his recklessness. End ID.]

...and his near-immediate forgiveness of Leorio after getting the first inkling of his character - of someone who cares just as fiercely as he does.

And after that point? Almost all through the Hunter Exam? Kurapika smiles so readily at them. He's sharp and funny. He mediates at times, but is stubbornly prideful in others. He's very amused by his friends' antics, and it really does seem like he starts to enjoy himself, with them. And, more than that, he counters Leorio's initial impression of him as an independent loner - on several occasions. He decides to follow Gon because Gon intrigues him. Asides from Gon, it is Kurapika who is the most unwilling to fight each other at the bottom of Trick Tower. Kurapika who makes the first move to team up with Leorio, even though that arrangement benefits Leorio much more than it does him. Kurapika who refuses to abandon Leorio to his fate in the cave, and who checks on Gon after noticing his bad mood. Who was furious enough watching him get beat down by Hanzo that his eyes went scarlet for the first and only instance outside of Spider mentions and Emperor Time. Who quite readily detoured to help rescue Killua.

[ID: Three screenshots from the 2011 adaptation Hunter Exam arc. In the first, Kurapika smiles at a sleeping Leorio. In the second, Kurapika stifles laughter as he pretends he's asleep. In the third, Kurapika has an open-mouthed smile as he acquires the airship tickets for them, Leorio and Gon standing behind him. End ID.]

Look at him! He's so bright! So happy!

...too happy. Too happy to do what he promised himself he would do. And that's his biggest fear, isn't it. Without his rage... what is he left with?

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 2. A close up of Kurapika's eye as he says "I do not fear death. What I fear is that my rage will one day fade away." End ID.]

Kurapika is far, far less mired in anger when he's with his friends. I actually dare to say that at certain points, he was able to go for lengths of time without thinking much about it - alternating between almost forgetting in one instance and being hit like a sledgehammer on exposure to a reminder in the next. This violent swing is... actually the beginnings of the natural process of healing from loss and trauma. But to Kurapika, who's made a promise to his people's memories, this is not a relief. This is betrayal.

I think that actually scares him, that he can almost picture it. A life beyond his guilt. That he, too, could learn to be happy, even after unimaginable loss.

And so, as Kurapika continues his mission offscreen, finding more and more gruesome reminders of the cruelty inflicted on his people and losing more and more pieces of himself in the process (in his own words, no less), he prioritizes his responsibility to them, and pushes away his distractions. He cannot be a soul at peace until his work is done; he must be in turmoil. He pushes people away who he cares for, and binds himself, and keeps his people's eyes on him, quite literally, because respite, for him, is unacceptable. Perhaps that guilty part of him even hopes, by the end of this, that his soul will be so unrecognizable as to be fundamentally unsalvageable. But the truth of the matter is, or at least what comes across to me, is that Kurapika cares much more fiercely than he hates. He knows what matters most. And for as long as he does, he still hasn't truly lost himself.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 350. Kurapika looks down at baby Woble with a gentle, yet complicated expression. The inking is somewhat softer. End ID.]

Kurapika's soul is kind, really. And it wants to heal - but for the sake of his mission, he needs it damaged and bleeding. And so, he forces himself to exist in that pain. All alone.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 344. Kurapika, dressed in a black suit, sits with his back to the reader, looking down at a photo in his hand. He is slumped a little before the church vigil he has prepared, all his clan's eyes lined up in their jars and honoured with flowers and candles. He thinks to himself "There is no home for me to return to... and nobody to welcome me back. I have nothing left." End ID.]

#thank you for coming to my ted talk on how kurapika is worsening his own mental health as well as physical health on purpose have a good day #oh my god this took me so long but it was worth it!!!#actual analysis!!! it's been so long!!!#anyways i'm far shakier on my hxh knowledge than other fandoms i've written meta for #so i hope this makes sense. i appreciate additions to it just please be polite!#i also believe that togashi's writing lends itself to multiple interpretations that are equally valid. so much of this #may be my own takeaway. but i do think there's enough evidence to support it #well. i hope you guys suffer... i mean enjoy.#storyrambles #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh meta #kurapika #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective #<-analysis tag i missed you

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