#finding purpose
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After watching We’re All Doomed, the comedy show by Daniel Howell, I need to take moment to write out how that show made me take a step back in my own life and evaluate progress and positive growth in my life as I realized that his timelines/feelings could be foiled in a meaningful way to my life. I was particularly inspired to write this while watching the scenes on the screen of the moments of joy people were experiencing. I swear I had chills and I started to tear up. As he spoke about not only embracing the void, but finding the courage to exist, but not just exist, but to live and find those moments of joy, I was reminded about how that moment in searching for why life was worth living was how I came (back) to Catholicism. I don’t intend this post to encourage others to or away from the Church. I simply was inspired by Dan to share how I got to a place of accepting that life is worth living and how I hope to move forward.
I want to first tw cancer, death, feelings of not wanting to exist, and mentions of suicide. Nothing is explicitly discussed in great detail but only mentioned. I have never written out my story before, barely talk about it even to this day. Tried therapy a few times but it wasn’t for me, but that’s neither here nor there. This is a safe space for me to share something I just wouldn’t with family and friends. Though, I must apologize in advance, like Dan, I talk/write way too much so this will be a very long post.
Thank you to all those who take the time to read my random story and I hope to hear from others how Dan’s story and/or show have affected you so we can share in those feelings as a community.
I am chronically depressed and anxious. Always have been as it runs in the family. However, the problem was my parents, or really, I should just say my mom because my dad was never around in an emotional capacity that mattered, didn’t necessarily believe in mental health. Sure they knew depression and anxiety were real, but those were just emotions people felt and there wasn’t anything to do but continue on and try your best to keep going no matter what. It’ll be fine, just keep moving and working, right? Well when I was 12/13 I was getting bullied really badly. It got to the point where I was having panic attacks before going to school, crying at night, constantly feeling nauseous, and worst of all, I would refuse to leave my moms side, so school got to be pretty difficult. My mom was fully aware of what was going on so she went in immediately and got the bullying handled (as much as she could, middle schoolers are brutal. It never really went away but it was less of a nuisance) but she did not understand why I still felt ill and didn’t want to leave her side. She found me a therapist and I went twice. I knew we had financial struggles and I started to feel better so I stopped going. I was still sad and scared but those were normal feelings, right? I could go to school and play my flute, talk to friends, and sure I was writing songs about being trapped in a cage and having no one hear my screams but I was just an edgy teen, I wasn’t depressed. That’s just me being me. No mental illness here! I’m fine. Spoiler alert- I was not fine and it was only going to get worse.
When I was 14 I found Dan and Phil! I was a huge o2l fan so I followed Connor Franta and he posted Internet Trivia with Dan and Phil and I absolutely fell in love with them and fell down the rabbit hole of their channels and the gaming channel. I loved them both but I definitely had a bias towards Dan because he wore all black and was edgy. Watching Existential Crisis for the first time gave me a phrase to the weird feelings I had. Both affirmed and disproved the fact I was mentally ill but I still didn’t have the words for it so I just thought I was mentally different from other people. Watching that video back with all the context of 2024 and 2024 Dan, that video covered an extraordinarily heavy topic but he never mentioned the word depression or mentally ill because, at that point, why would he? Since he was the only person who voiced those feelings that I also shared, I took them to heart, but I could only take those words to heart as I had no reference to infer what else all that meant. So I kept all my feelings to myself. After all, this guy said he had all these big feelings but was fine. Call me naïve, I was 14, so I believed I could be okay and still feel existential. It was normalized, plus nothing else in my life was being affected, I was doing well in school, I had friends, I had hobbies, I was fine. How could I complain?
A few months after the start my freshmen year of high school, my older brother was diagnosed with leukemia and everything changed. He was sick and had to stay in the hospital for months, one of my parents would always be at the hospital, and me and my little brother would visit on the weekends when we could. My mom really stressed the importance of keeping a normal schedule so we did. School, extracurriculars, piano, just keep moving and everything will be alright. I didn’t cry, I couldn’t cry. I had to remain okay, fine, an unbreakable force because I couldn’t have anyone worrying about me because we all had to worry about my brother. Which we did! I never wanted to be a burden or not okay because I wanted all attention and time focused on his wellbeing. I don’t remember talking to anyone about anything emotional. Sure as hell not my parents. Not my brothers. Not even my friends. So I watched videos and removed myself and all emotions from my being so I didn’t have to think or be.
When he was first diagnosed I felt lost and confused. So I did the one thing my private, catholic school taught me to do. I found God and prayed. Except, I can say certainly looking back, it was not a meaningful relationship I created. It was one forged in fear, confusion, and a misunderstanding of how to pray. Ironically, for a catholic school, they didn’t know how to teach someone to come to God, they just expected you to understand, but that’s beside the point and a different conversation. But that’s what I did! I prayed, every morning and night, Lord, Please heal my brother. Please. Tried devotionals I didn’t get, muttered words I didnt understand, and played the part. I watched everyone else around me do it so I did it too, to the point where I believed I needed to be perfect or else my prayers would fail, which, I cannot express enough, was not the appropriate mentality, but that’s what I thought was necessary.
About 7 months later, my brother was in remission and he came home! He was okay! We got through the summer, he came back to school, we were in band and choir together again. It was fun!! We were all okay again. The dark spots in my head were still there but they were probably just left over from how scary last year was. How could I not be happy with my brother back home and alright again. At this point, my prayers were answered so I slowed down my prayers. I was okay so I felt as if I did not need my relationship with God as intensely anymore because I felt fine. Plus, when I was sad or scared those were just normal reactions that were not taking over my life so why dwell on them.
In 2017, Dan released Daniel and Depression. And I don’t exactly remember my reaction. But at that point in my life, I remember coming around to the idea that maybe I was not as mentally sound as I thought. But even listening to what he had to say, I was still convinced I was not depressed, I was just traumatized from what had happened to my brother and to my family. I had spent that time living through hell and I never stopped, I did not lay in bed wallowing, I didn’t not brush my teeth or not take care of myself. I was a high functioning nearly straight a student through and through. I was not depressed.
I don’t know why that was such a dirty word for me. Or maybe it wasn’t a dirty word, but it was something I didn’t want associated with myself. My school didn’t believe in mental health because all you had to do was pray and “you can’t be depressed and be with God” - Which by the way is completely inaccurate and harmful for young people to grow up learning. On the other hand, my parents lived in a hospital with my sick brother for months, I shouldn’t be depressed or talk about the weird sadness I was experiencing after everything they went through. It’d be selfish of me to not be alright.
Two months after Dan posted his depression video, my brother got sick again, the cancer came back. I prayed fervently once again. Knowing it worked once it could work again. Every morning and every night in the depths of my dark room where no one could see or hear because everyone else in my family was not religious or was too angry at God to believe. I put it on myself to pray and to be good so he can be healed again. But I failed. He died 4 months later on my 17th birthday. Years later, a therapist would tell me that happened because he didn’t want me to forget about him, well jokes on the therapist I was never going to forget anyway. I failed, it was my fault he died. If I prayed more, if I was a better person, if I just focused I could have saved him. But I wasn’t enough, I was not good enough to save him. This wasn’t true, of course, nor how religion/prayer works. But I didn’t know what else to do or think. So I blamed myself. I wasn’t even there when he died. My parents told my little brother and I that he wasn’t ever coming home and a few days later, on my birthday, we went to school and when my dad picked us up from school he drove us home and my mom was sitting there and that’s when I knew. My little brother was so cute, he later admitted he just thought my mom had come home to see me for my birthday but I knew immediately. I still don’t know how my dad just picked us up that day and didn’t say anything.
A part of me died that day. How could it not have? It was a strange night. We cried. I ate a pre-bought cupcake. My brother went to lacrosse practice and the next day we both went to school. Because that’s just what we did. We just kept going. Let me tell you, you’ll get the strangest looks from people when they see you at school after they just heard over the loud speaker that your brother had died the previous day. Because really, what were we doing there? We were the highest functioning traumatized students you had ever seen. I was only 2 minutes late to my first class of the day, math. I went to the chapel in the school with my really close friend to cry and listen to adoration music and just wonder why, why, why? 2 minutes wasn’t too bad, the teacher was surprised to see me and I failed the math quiz we had. She was nice, she offered to not have me take it, but I was already there and it was math quiz time so I took the quiz. She let me redo it too. She was nice, I needed it. It felt normal so I felt fine.
And that was all the rest of the 2018 school year was. Fine. Went to class, studied, did my extracurriculars, performed in all the shows, hell, I even went to prom with said super close friend from earlier. It was obvious I was traumatized and sad but how could I not be? But I was doing everything a normal student would be doing so what was the problem?
The problem was I felt alone, hell, I was alone. My family was broken, shattered into a million a pieces. My dad was distant, my mom cried, my bothers and I weren’t talking in any meaningful way. I talked to one person, the guy who held me in the chapel the day after my brother died and who took me to prom. I loved him, we loved each other. He was the only person who I felt actually saw me. I always had some barriers up but I felt free with him and I know he just wanted me to be okay even in the midst of tragedy. We were friendly for 2 years but we got close right before my brother was diagnosed again. Those months meant so much to me and I thought we would always be close. But 1 month after my brother died. He told me he did not want to continue our relationship or friendship. He said I was too much to handle or had too much going on. In all honesty, I don’t remember his exact words because I most definitely mentally blacked out. And he broke what little part of me was left.
(About 2 1/2 years later he ended up calling me and after not really speaking to him at all since that moment, I picked up, more out of curiosity then trying to rekindle anything. He told me that, unbeknownst to me back in 2018, he went to our Moral Theology teacher (yes- private catholic school) to ask for advice because he saw how much pain I was in and he did not know how to help me. Instead of this teacher, a literal adult, going to our schools counselor, my mother, or even me and addressing this 17 year old boys concerns about ME, he told him that he should just give me space because of the mental weight of the tragedy I was living through. His advice to this boy was to essentially isolate me. Looking back, I do feel bad for this boy. He tried so hard to do the right thing for me but didn’t have the right directions. And on the other hand I am so mad at the teacher because that was the worst advice he could have ever given ever. Thanks! Real talk though, I loved that boy and he always meant the world to me. We didn’t keep in touch afterward that 2020 conversation but I kept tabs on him through mutual friends and he always listened to my music on Spotify. He went through a tough time and he committed suicide in 2022. I really do miss him and wish things were different for all aspects of his story, my story, and what might have been our story. It felt wrong to exclude his memory in this post because he truly played such a crucial role and he meant so much to me even years later)
Back to 2018, after he abandoned me. I was completely and utterly alone. And now, I feared opening up at all to anyone because I didn’t want to be perceived as the burden I truly was. So I swallowed every once of trauma, depression, and anxiety so I was perceived as a functioning, fine, human being who didn’t need anyone to worry about her. I didn’t want anyone to worry or care for me because they thought I was fragile or broken because I now had proof that I would become too much to handle and that anyone would just leave me just as he had. And that was it. I smiled, I laughed, I spent the next year completing every senior year milestone and graduated high school. And I didn’t feel one emotion. I was fine.
Summer 2019 was when things started to shift a bit and here’s where I think the foiling begins. For one, Dan had just released Basically, I’m Gay and he started to live his truth being out of the closet. I truly don’t want to nor feel like I can comment anymore on this topic because that was his own personal journey and I don’t want to speculate on anything he said. He did so quite clearly and explicitly. But the point I am making was that in the middle of 2019, he began living his truth. This one thing he didn’t talk about that is so quintessential to his character was now a public part of him and he got to experience that joy of being out. There was a shift in his character, anyone who watched his video could tell, he was happy, he seemed excited. He went to pride, did promotional videos, and he just seemed like he was living in a brighter light. It was beautiful to watch and I’m grateful he let us share in those moments of joy with him.
Before I get too deep into this section, I want to preface and state that I do not remember large chunks of time between 2018-2021. All the trauma and depression have made me forget nearly everything, and it’s a very weird sensation to have little to no memories of 3/4 years of time. I can recall general feelings and most memories I can see are from a third person pov so I can see what was happening, but I see it happening to me, not me actually experiencing the memory.
For me, summer 2019 meant leaving for college. Now, in hindsight, I made a major error. I was going to the same college my brother had been at before he died. I don’t know what I was thinking or why I thought it was a good idea but the school gave me money so I would have been a fool to take on more student loans than necessary, plus, I knew I wanted to transfer the next year and move half way across the country so I had an end goal in sight, just had to get through the year.
I also started to go to church again. There was a cute little church about a half mile down from my school so it was an easy walk. I don’t consider this change/new addition a mistake, but I do often wonder what was I thinking exactly. I don’t recall my exact process but remember two dueling trains of thought. For one, I still 100% felt weird about religion/God because I blamed myself for my brother dying because I wasn’t praying enough and wasn’t good enough to save him. But on the other hand, I did not feel right to never enter a church again and a part of me wanted to return because it felt like the right thing to do. I spent my entire formative years at a private catholic school. I knew all the prayers, scripture, the saints (I was confirmed taking St. Rose Philippine Duchesne), and my senior year religion class was dedicated to teaching us how to explain/teach the faith to non-believers. And I believed in all of it! I had faith, so how could I not be going to church. Call it guilt, or whatever you want to call it, but I couldn’t turn my back on the church after everything I had learned so I went back. It was the truth I believed in and the truth I wanted to live by. I told myself that eventually I would just feel better, I’d continue to pray to heal and keep going through the motions until it stuck. At this point, I had fully embraced the void I was living in. I accepted that I was depressed, I accepted that I was depressed long before the trauma began so I was battling undiagnosed depression alongside the after effects of the trauma, and I accepted that I am an incredibly anxious person. That was alot for an 18 year old to take in but I finally accepted what my truth was. I admit it and that’s the first step right? I know I am mentally ill so I started some therapy, and I continued going to church and praying because every thing I read and was told said those were the best things I could do to help myself. So things could only get better from here, right?
Not necessarily. The end of 2019 flew by and before we knew it we were in the throes of a global pandemic. Within 3 months in 2020, my parents divorced (finally), my grandmother died from the same cancer that my brother had which was sick was twisted if you ask me, and my mom, little brother, and I moved half way across the country. Oh and I transferred colleges in all that too. Besides every single bad thing we experienced, moving was supposed to be our new start. A new place, new schools, new adventures. No longer living in the state with every bad memory we had or the house we essentially grew up in. It was new and fresh, almost the perfect situation to start a mental health journey in, besides the recent trauma I still don’t think I have processed fully and a global pandemic. I just thought I would be getting better.
I remember the part of We’re All Doomed when Dan mentioned 2019 being so important because he started to live his truth and I felt so similarly. I thought once I accepted what was going on in my head I’d feel better. But then 2019-2021 for both of us seemed to be one of our worse times mentally, which is oddly terrifying because of the emphasis that was present on wanting to feel improved.
Between 2019-2021, I struggled with the concept of existing. I did not understand why I was here and others weren’t, what I was meant to do, and why I was meant to do it. I didn’t want to exist. I simply didn’t have the energy. I couldn’t conjure up emotions, nothing real anyway. I just felt nothing. I never felt suicidal, never did anything to harm myself, never wanted to. I knew and continue to know that I never wanted to die. I really just wanted to feel quiet, numb, not of the earth and those are very scary feelings. I could barely put them into words for when I talked to my therapist but I tried, but all she could tell me was to find distractions for myself. Distract, distract, distract, well that’s all I’ve been doing and I don’t feel better. I listened to music, wrote music, talked to my mom, pray, do my class work, scroll through social media, but what then? When alls said and done, the music is off, the conversation is over, the work done, the phone turned off, I was left with myself and I didn’t even recognize her. My mom said she saw a light in my eyes she hasn’t seen in a while but I had no idea what she was talking about. Whatever was on the outside wasn’t being transferred to the inside because I didn’t even know who was staring back at me in the mirror. I just knew she didn’t want to be here anymore. So what now?
When Dan showed us the calendar with the little emoji emotions over the days of the month, I swear my heart stopped for a moment because it reminded me of what I started doing for myself during that same time period, that very same year he was referring to in the show. I had downloaded this app, Hallow, it’s a catholic prayer app. Scripture, guided prayers, saints stories, the whole nine yards. I liked the little guided prayers. Helped me focus I guess. And every night I’d ask for the same thing. To feel better. To be healed. It also had a little section where you could track your mood for the day so I started doing that everyday. I wasn’t thinking too hard about it I just hit the emoji I felt and moved on. Until I started noticing a pattern of hitting, sad, anxious, worried, or unsure. Soon enough I had months upon months, just days filled with those same emojis. When I actually took a step back, just like Dan did, to stare at how my months were covered in little sad emojis it broke me more than I thought it ever could. Was this all that was left for me? Days that left me feeling dejected and dark? Why wasn’t anything I was doing enough to make me feel better, to make me feel something for my life, for this world around me. Every night pleading the same questions to God, why, why, why? Just begging to be healed.
One day in 2021, I felt hopeless, I was tired, drained, and I truly did not know what to do. I just wanted to feel. So I stopped begging God to fix me and I started talking instead. And I talked and talked about everything and nothing all at once. I told Him about my day and what had happened. I told Him about the little anecdotes, my classes, the walk I went on. I told Him what I felt during the day, the big feelings and the little feelings. As I recounted my day and all the little details, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I felt lighter. For the first time in a long time, I was not focused on the big scary black hole of my mind, the void, I spent time talking about what my day had looked like and what I knew was on my schedule for tomorrow. It grounded me. And it was just that. I wasn’t focused on the void, I was focused on the living I was doing despite the void and there was something beautiful about that realization I have never been able to put into words until I watched Dan’s show. God was not not healing me because I did not deserve it or because I was so helpless, for it was only when I was at my lowest that I let myself let go and speak freely outside the confines of asking for the same thing over and over again without changing my mindset. It was only through those open ended conversations that I found and was confronted with the events of my life, no matter how big or small. The void, my depression, my traumas, whatever I want to call them, they are always going to exist, they are a part of my and I can’t change anything about that. But my life, my 24 hours a day, that time will pass regardless of if I choose to dwell on the darkness or not, so might as well spend my time enjoying the light that clearly exists as well. So that is what I started to do.
It is a choice that I have to make each day when I wake up. To decide to be an active participant in my life rather than a passive bystander. But like all things, it’s an attitude that can be learned, adapted, and over time it did not feel like a chore to make that choice, but a pleasure. For once, I started to look forward to the future and excited for what I could do. I found a church where I could attend mass so I would stop sitting in my room and watching online, I started to push myself to make plans outside my comfort zone and learned to not just like my own company, but enjoy the silence of being alone. The one project I am particularly proud of is my second Instagram account dedicated to romanticizing my life. Everyday, for now nearly 2 1/2 years, I have posted a photo on that account of the places I’ve been, clothes I’ve worn, and experiences I have been on. It’s my own personal photo diary proving that I have been living and that I will be continuing to live.
Photos and daily reflection have been the cornerstone of my improvement which was why that segment of Dan’s show impacted me so greatly. Each small clip he shared was probably only a second or so long but each moment held such great joy and emotions that could not be contained. It was and will continue to be a reminder that there will always be moments of joy and moments of happiness that will exist even in the face of adversity, we just have to work to see them, and choose to accept them as our own. Some days can certainly be harder than others, but after years of feeling nothing but the heavy weight of despair, even just the memories of joy are enough to encourage me to move forward. I’m alive for a reason and I believe and trust in God’s plan for me, so I choose and, now, feel empowered to continue on.
Dan was right when he said that we are all doomed. And there is this void in my life that I have learned to embrace and not just ignore. But this life was not meant to be survived, but to be lived. And I, now, have the courage to choose to live everyday.
Thank you to @danielhowell for sharing a part of yourself with the world. For creating a show that encourages us to acknowledge every part of our lives, the good, the bad, the ugly, and to show the importance of embracing every aspect of our lives while we continue our journey. Thank you for encouraging me to share my story and my journey through mental health. I have never shared my story like this before and it has been an unbelievably cathartic experience and I feel renewed in my promise to continue to choose to live.
Thank you🖤
#dan and phil#dnp#daniel howell#dan howell#danisnotonfire#dan and phil renaissance#we’re all doomed#embrace the void#have the courage to exist#embrace life#finding purpose#catholic#catholiscism#mental health#mental illness#how to be a human being#we aren’t alone#thank you
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May 9 prompt: home
Thanks for the tag @notjustamumj
Finding purpose
John’s lived many places due to his fatber’s military career. As a child it was sometimes devastating. Once a friendship had formed, they were always forced to move again. Harry made a fuss every time, driving their mother to despair and their father to fury. John decided early on to take another approach. When the date of depature was set, John was particularly fierce and aggressive at the rugby field, and came home looking ragged, but satisfied as if he’d won a battle.
The only place John felt quite familiar with was his birth place, London. He didn’t remember anything from the first two years he lived there of course, but they’ve lived near the city a few times since then. He’d always felt drawn to the city for some reason, although he knew no one there. Learning his lesson to try to form friendships during his childhood, he kept his distance through medical school. He dated, but it was never serious on his part. If he’d left some broken hearts behind, he wasn’t aware.
Reaching captain’s position in the army, John could keep distant even more effectively. He was the men’s superior officer, and it was frowned upon to make friends with his men. The years as a soldier and doctor were his best years thus far. He’d found a purpose, and he was bloody good at what he was doing.
And then John’s world collapsed. He was shot, and for a long while it was all pain, agony and despair. He felt alone and abandoned, and when he was sent back to England, his bland bedsit did nothing to improve his mood. His only comfort was his gun, which turned more appealing for each day that passed. Something unknown made him hesitate, though. A feeling that there would be an end to this depressive time in his life.
The day when John Watson’s life changed, was just an ordinary one. He’d told his therapist that nothing ever happened to him, and, no, he didn’t have the urge to write about this miserable life, thank you very much!
John was pleasantly surprised when Mike called his name on his way through the park. He’d always considered Mike a nice bloke, and John knew he himself was to blame for the loss of contact.
Meeting Sherlock Holmes was something John never could’ve envisioned. Instead of greeting him, the enigmatic man asked him a question John was totally unprepared for.
«Afghanistan or Iraq?»
From that moment, John knew he’d found what, or rather who he’d been looking for all his life. This man rescued him from a life of boredom or suicide, and in return John saved Sherlock’s life from that dreadful cabby the very next day.
***
«You, alright?» the familiar baritone murmurs.
John kisses Sherlock’s shoulder and nuzzles closer.
«Yeah, I was just thinking of how you saved me that day at Bart’s,» John says softly.
«I found a proper home the day I walked into this flat, for the first time in my life. But now the flat doesn’t really matter,» John concludes.
«What do you mean, John?» Sherlock asks in a puzzled tone.
John rises his head from Sherlock’s chest and looks down on his face, stroking a finger over a cheekbone.
«Because now, my precious, home is where you are.»
The amount of writing I get done as a passenger is quite satisfying.
@totallysilvergirl @calaisreno @raina-at @topsyturvy-turtely @meetinginsamarra
#johnlock#sherlock fandom#sherlock#sherlock fanfic#john watson#bbc sherlock#notjustamom may prompts#home#finding purpose
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I’ve decided that my 30s are going to be about forming, discovering, and pursuing purpose, big or small, short-term or long-term. Every small step will count. There are so many people who feel as we feel, who care about the things we care about, and who will love and support us along the way. That’s what I’ve decided, even though it may be difficult or scary, this is what I’m pledging now. 🩷
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Unveiling the Illusion of Significance in Modern Society
In a world filled with constant stimulation and information overload, it's crucial to discern between what appears significant on the surface and what holds genuine importance and substance. Many aspects of modern life may initially captivate our attention, but their significance often diminishes when subjected to critical examination. By cultivating a discerning perspective, we can better appreciate and prioritize the truly meaningful aspects of our lives, both individually and collectively. This blog post delves into various elements of modern life that may appear significant but may, in reality, lack true importance or substance.
1. Social Media Popularity
In the digital age, social media platforms have given rise to influencers, celebrities, and viral content that capture the attention of millions. These online phenomena may seem highly significant, given their vast following. Yet, the significance often dissipates when we realize that popularity in the virtual world does not necessarily equate to meaningful contributions to society or personal growth.
2. Celebrity Culture
Celebrities often dominate headlines and pop culture conversations, leading us to believe that their lives and opinions are of great importance. However, the significance of celebrity culture diminishes when we consider that fame does not inherently correlate with wisdom, expertise, or genuine societal impact.
3. Trendy but Insignificant Products
Modern consumerism frequently presents us with trendy products and fads that appear to be significant in enhancing our lives. Examples include gadgets, fashion items, or dietary trends. Yet, these trends often fade quickly, leaving us with possessions that lose their significance as their popularity wanes.
4. Political Soundbites
In the realm of politics, soundbites and sensational headlines can make political events seem profoundly significant. However, these brief moments often lack the nuance and depth necessary for a comprehensive understanding of complex issues. The significance of such events may fade when examined in a broader context.
5. Instant Gratification
The quest for instant gratification is prevalent in modern society. We often prioritize quick, convenient solutions that promise immediate satisfaction. While these solutions may seem significant in the moment, they can lead to a lack of patience and perseverance, hindering our ability to appreciate the deeper significance of long-term efforts and delayed rewards.
It's essential to critically evaluate these aspects of modern life to determine their true significance and whether they align with our values and long-term goals. While they may offer momentary gratification or entertainment, their lasting impact and importance in the grander scheme of life can be relatively limited.
#philosophy#epistemology#knowledge#learning#education#chatgpt#ethics#psychology#politics#Significance in Modern Society#Reevaluating Life's Meaning#Pursuit of True Fulfillment#Meaningful Living#The Illusion of Significance#What Truly Matters#Finding Purpose#Value of Relationships#Personal Growth and Fulfillment#The Human Experience
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On the dark, heavy days, I pull myself out of bed by imagining your hand tugging on mine.
When I've misplaced my smile, I find it by remembering yours.
When the world feels cruel and vile, I look at the sky and remember your eyes.
When loving hurts too much, I remember how beautiful your love felt and that I'd like to make someone feel as special as I was to you.
When living feels too hard, I remember your resilience and that you'd want me to be happy.
So on these days, I live for you.
Jess Amelia Coe
#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#writing#dealing with grief#grief recovery#mourning#moving on#motivation#finding purpose
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Embracing a Different Path: Coping After Learning You Won't Have Children
Shaina Tranquilino
December 13, 2023
Life often presents us with unexpected challenges, and one of the most profound can be discovering that having children of our own may not be possible. The emotional journey following such news can be overwhelming and heartbreaking. However, it's crucial to remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. In this blog post, we'll explore several ways to cope and find joy in life after learning you won't be able to have biological children.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings:
The first step towards healing is acknowledging your emotions. Allow yourself to grieve, as this loss is significant. It's natural to feel sadness, anger, or confusion during this time. Find a supportive friend or partner who will listen without judgment, or consider seeking professional counselling to help navigate through these complex feelings.
2. Connect with Supportive Communities:
You are not alone in this journey; many individuals have faced similar circumstances. Reach out to support groups or online communities where you can connect with others experiencing infertility or childlessness by choice. Sharing experiences, stories, and advice can provide solace and make you realize that hope exists beyond biological parenthood.
3. Explore Alternative Paths:
While it may seem like the end of the road for becoming parents, there are various alternative paths to consider when building a family. Adoption allows you to give love and care to a child who needs it while creating a fulfilling bond. Similarly, surrogacy provides an opportunity for those who wish to experience parenthood genetically but cannot carry their own child.
4. Rediscover Your Passions:
Infertility struggles should never define your entire identity or purpose in life. Take this moment as an opportunity for self-discovery and rekindle your passions outside of parenting aspirations. Engaging in hobbies, pursuing new career goals, travelling, volunteering, or focusing on personal growth can bring fulfillment and happiness.
5. Nurture Relationships:
While the path to parenthood may have changed, the love and connection within your relationships remain unchanged. Strengthening bonds with your partner, family, friends, or even becoming a mentor to a child in need can fill your life with joy and purpose. Cherish and invest in these valuable connections that enrich your journey.
6. Seek Professional Guidance:
If you find it challenging to navigate through this phase alone, seeking professional help from therapists specializing in infertility counselling can provide immense support. A trained counsellor can guide you in processing grief, managing stress, improving communication with loved ones, and developing coping strategies tailored to your unique situation.
7. Embrace a Different Perspective:
Remember that being a parent does not solely define one's worth or purpose in life. Many individuals without biological children lead fulfilling lives by channelling their nurturing instincts into careers or dedicating themselves to causes they are passionate about. Explore new perspectives on what it means to be fulfilled and redefine success based on personal values rather than societal expectations.
Discovering that you won't be able to have children of your own is undoubtedly a profound challenge that requires emotional healing and readjustment of expectations. However, finding acceptance and embracing alternative paths can lead to newfound joy, purpose, and fulfillment in life. Surround yourself with supportive communities, seek professional guidance if needed, and remember that there are countless ways to make a positive impact on the world beyond traditional parenthood.
Ultimately, this journey presents an opportunity for growth and self-discovery—an opportunity to embrace the beauty of life's unexpected turns while building resilience along the way.
#embracing a different path#child free life#finding purpose#resilience journey#life beyond motherhood#childless not less#coping without children#new beginnings#self discovery#non traditional path#acceptance journey#embracing reality#finding joy#unexpected paths#building a fulfilling life#childless life#new perspectives#coping strategies#thriving without children#creating your own narrative
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Day one of finding my purpose
I’m writing this from a place of unfulfillment, yet hope. Dissatisfaction, but a strange sense of contentment that I feel this way. Feeling unfulfilled and knowing the reason why, seems a much better use of my time than feeling a way with no explanation. Because I can take steps towards slight change. The knowingness of how I’m feeling allows me to walk on a specific path with some kind of direction. The lights are yet to be turned on, but at least I am looking for a switch. The door may be locked but I do hold the key. Almost.
I am feeling this inner frustration because I know I’m not fulfilling my purpose. I know it so much that my soul may as well have wrote me a letter telling me that I’m taking steps down the wrong road. I can feel it in my heart, in my mind, in my body as a whole. Oprah once said that it starts as a niggle and failing to listen to the niggle, it will indeed transform into a yell, which will turn into a brick to the head. I’m not sure if I’m at the yelling point or the bricking point or somewhere in between, but the voice is there and I’m more than willing to listen.
I know that in this World I am meant for more. I know I have a voice that needs to be heard; I know that people need me. People I don’t even know exist yet, people whom don’t know me, they need me and for some reason I know it. I just know that people are praying for a guide like me. My niggle tells me so.
I’m divided between two notions, two ideas; is this my exact path? Was I always meant to end up here, writing these words, looking into every corner of the World trying to find where I fit? Knowing that I’m meant to be a light worker, but dimming day by day. Or have I veered so far off my path by wrong choices and too many moments of unconscious slumber, that I’m simply delaying what already should have become? But everything is happening as it should, I remind myself.
Many codes in this life I have cracked. The wonderful, love-filled and conscious relationship with my soul mate; the friends that fulfil me in all areas; the well paying job and the financial stability/freedom that I get from that; the beautiful 23rd floor home with views of the sky line and a front row seat to the sun going to sleep every night. I’ve travelled the World, I’ve travelled my own internal World’s. I’ve experienced, i’ve cherished, I’ve lived. Yet still, this feeling is something that ticking things off of my fun list will not shake. It’s embedded in me, and it’s not going anywhere. Not until I listen to my niggle, not until I follow my soul. Not until I find my purpose.
So this is day one of finding my purpose. I don’t know where this journey will take me, who I will meet along the way, what I’ll end up doing to fulfil myself and those around me. But I do know that things are going to be meaningful. Because I’m trying. And all we can do really is try.
Every day I will get 1% better. Every day I will take a small step in a simple direction. I don’t know what tomorrow’s step is going to be. God, I barely know todays. But all I can do it take that one small stroke in the big sea. And this is my first step. To write and acknowledge that part of my heart feels empty because I know I’m not doing what I should be doing on this planet. I’m here to raise the consciousness of the World, I’m here to help other people understand who they are. That’s all I know. I don’t know how and I don’t know who, but I do know I’m a healer. And maybe if I find my purpose, I can help others find theirs too.
Day one of finding my purpose = acknowledge that I’m yet to find it. I acknowledge this voyage I am about to embark on, I’m a little terrified I wont get it right. I’m scared I’ll take some miss steps, I’m even more scared that I’ll quit before I get there. But the first step has been taken, my voyage has begun.
#mindset#lifelessons#tellall#seeking#potential#spirutality#life path#finding purpose#finding joy#finding peace#self help#advice#life advice
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A Pleasant Chat with a Fisherman
So there's another trend in Dragonflight that I'm in love with, and it's these little vignettes that acknowledge the ground-level problems a character in this universe is going to have. We saw it with Veritastrasz, and we've been seeing it with those cute little matchmaking quest chains (hell yes I will help you get a dryad girlfriend you adorable maruuk nerd you). I found this one by stumbling across it entirely, out near the Shady Sanctuary in the Ohn'ahran plains. I believe this one is unique to drac'thyr, given its content, but maybe not.
It doesn't strictly spoil anything, but there's much to be said for its presentation, so I'll put the rest behind a cut.
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I needed a happy read to end a hard week.
Mister Rogers makes everything right.
#black women#blackphdstudent#finding purpose#life quotes#mental heath awareness#bipolar disorder#bipolar club#mister rogers#hello neighbor#black girl aesthetic#black girl reader
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Trying to heal old wounds
Slowly coming to terms with the fact that I deserved love as a child and deserve love now.
Realizing and processing the fact that my worth is not measured through grades or how much other people value me by whatever means.
Understanding my mother's lack of love was not because I was unloveable or something intrinsic, but rather that she didn't have the emotional capacity to.
Knowing that I don't have to forgive the ways I have been hurt in order to move past and grow from them.
Trying to find peace within myself and the activities I used to enjoy without getting frustrated when my brain becomes overloaded.
Being more forgiving of how I have developed emotionally and the coping mechanisms that have protected me for so long.
Reparenting myself to care for my inner child and stop the chain of generational emotional and psychological abuse.
Helping my sister in every feasible way for me because I know how hard it is to be a survivor, and she deserves to heal as much as I do.
Demonstrating more kindness to myself because progress isn't linear, and my journey is different from others.
#child abuse#tw#emotional#emotional abuse#mother#parents#emotionally immature parents#love hurts#inner child#healing#self healing#self compassion#reparenting#finding peace#finding purpose#self worth#coping#survivor#surviving narcissism#narcissticabuseawareness#narcissistic mother
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How do you find the will to live when the world is crumbling all around you?/gen
*sigh* Hey there anon ☺️
I apologize that it took me so long to get to your question. It’s a hard one and hits close to home, so I wanted to answer it when I was in the right mindset and ready. Thank you for your patience.
I highly recommend you for read Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. This book will answer the philosophical aspect of your question. It helped me understand and figure out my meaning and purpose in life.
The main point of Frankl’s is that If you don’t find your will/purpose, you will not live. While seemingly harsh, his point stands. There is no meaning without purpose/will. There is no life without meaning.
My main advice would be to reflect and think about your meaning. You may not ever reach a final conclusion, and that’s okay. The point is to have a piece, a fraction, a thought of your Will.
Example:
There is a scenario called “The Spins”. This is when the world around you starts moving/spinning to fast for you to keep up with. It could be described as being in the eye of the storm or in the middle of a tornado.
What is the Solution?
One singular piece of understanding. You only need to have one thing to hold onto. One thing that you know is true and will never shift. The most true thing is a piece of your purpose/meaning.
Thank you for reaching out, anon! I hope my answer was semi-helpful 💞
#in all seriousness#serious conversation#serious talk#serious question#my will to live#finding meaning#finding purpose#cissy side thoughts answers#cissy side thoughts talks
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Become the hero (updated! version 2.0).
Image taken from the amazing TV series "Ping Pong the Animation".
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Intro.
This idea came to me mainly from watching Ping Pong the Animation (a short animated series), also from reading The Book of Five Rings.
One of the main themes’ in Ping Pong the Animation is about characters overcoming hard circumstances, finding meaning in life, and achieving things at the same time (this is just my personal interpretation for this post).
I'll talk about a way I thought that helps me overcome many things and stay motivated to keep working hard to achieve different things in life.
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*Note, the first time I wrote this post, I was thinking it was okay wanting to achieve too many things, BUT, at least for me, I found out it's not okay, because it's exhausting, I had stopped doing things that were more important for my health and for enjoying life in general.
Here's the updated post (:
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Context and example.
There are many moments in many people's lives where we think that life's way too hard and complicated, or when we think that achieving certain goal is impossible (like buying our own house or having a relationship that we like, that is functional, and that works in the long term). Most people are never able to overcome many difficult situations, they just stay in their comfort zone, other times, they simply don't have the means.
An example, many people's comfort zones include many addictions like consuming different stimulants through the day and on weekends, they consume them so much, that it affects their health in a negative way in the short and long term (things like medicine they don't need, supplements that are not needed either, alcohol, cannabis, other drugs, way too much caffeine, etc.).
Some other addictions and comfort zones include using social networks all day without much interaction with real people, some other addictions can range from someone's who's addicted to exercising and having a balanced diet (this can become a problem and an addiction too! I've experienced it) to some other people who just watch TV shows or play videogames way too much daily.
I'm not judging anyone, people can do whatever they want, the tendency of mankind is to do things that are easy and to stay in comfort, and we only live once. The problem about addictions is that we lose too much energy to those addictions that prevents us from having the energy to do other things.
Sometimes people are way too tired daily because they aren't sleeping well, they are using their cellphone too much, they have a really bad management of everything in general and waste a lot of time and energy, they have terrible diets, they're dehydrated, they don't exercise at all, they're spending all their energy on social media, they're addicted to drugs that end up consuming their energy (including alcohol), etc. It is important to solve these one by one (IMO), one step at a time if we want to achieve other things. We need to change our habits, and that is really hard.
For a specific example, in some moments of my life, I've had a really hard time sleeping, I know many people who do too, but instead of really trying to figure out the problem and finding long term solutions, most people look for the easy and fast way out, consuming a medicament or drug that will put them to sleep. Some others simply embrace the fact that they're going to be sleeping 4-6 hours every night and that's it, they just drink a bunch of coffee and stimulants during the day to be able to be somewhat functional. Both the easy way out with taking medicine and just sleeping less daily are not long term solutions and can be bad for health in the long term (unless of course, the medicine is diagnosed and needed).
If I have a couple of bad night's sleep, I can't really accomplish everything that I want to do on a daily basis because I'm tired, so I needed to fix that problem, it is always hard and it was really hard, but there's always a way to solve problems. I needed to change many of my habits and change things from my environment to have a better sleep, and for that I had to do a ton of reading, researching, and trial and error. I now know what I need to do to have a good night's sleep, it took me years to truly be able to achieve that, it was a lot of learning and experimentation (I won't go into detail, this is just an example, but I had to change many of my habits, my diet, my exercise, zero drugs, seeing sunlight early, no screens 30 minutes before sleeping, etc. I even made an appointment with a psychiatrist to see if the root of my sleep problem lies somewhere else, we'll see, but good habits help me sleep much better).
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How to become the hero.
When this idea about "becoming the hero" came to me, I was lying in bed having a hard time falling asleep, I was also thinking about the huge burden that my life has become with so many responsibilities and so many things that I want to do during my spare time (these include the relationship I have with my girlfriend, my new job, owning a small business besides my job, continue with the plan I've had for years to buy a house, the need to exercise, to have a healthy diet, wanting to learn new things, wanting to become good at my new job, wanting time to watch TV shows and play videogames, wanting to spend time with my friends, etc.).
I thought, how am I going to achieve all that?
*note: I recently realized that wanting and trying to do all these things mentioned above is not realistic and it was making me feel stressed, I decided to quit wanting to do some things and take it easy with other things, just focusing on the most important and trying to have more chill and fun afternoons and weekends.
In perhaps what is a dumb and too optimistic way I remembered about Ping Pong the Animation and thought, "I need to become the hero", I must sleep well, exercise regularly, have a good management of many things in my life, have energy, stop wasting time on my cellphone, and do everything I need and want to do. This thought that I needed to become the hero gave me a lot of motivation and energy, and a good reason to keep doing everything that I do (of course, shortening and taking it easy with the list of things I mentioned earlier).
I noticed that I've spent about the last 8 years of my life learning new things on purpose that specifically have helped me have a better understanding about everything in general (things like psychology, philosophy and science), I've also been improving my habits and leaving many addictions behind, of course that I'm not perfect and I sometimes use social networks more than I would like to, sometimes I eat too much food for supper, or watch a TV show too late, and can't sleep well, but with the knowledge that I've acquired, I feel that I can overcome almost anything.
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Circling back to the beginning of the post, when a difficult situation appears, I suggest we try to solve it for good, we have a lot of information available, we can learn that information, we can do trial and error, we can always save some energy to learn new things and overcome anything (one tiny step at a time, I insist). And I don't mean this in a dumb and optimistic way, we can't always overcome cancer for example, but if we really try, if we find the right motivation and do things progressively, we can become the hero and overcome difficult situations, land on our feet, and become great at things.
Musashi wrote in his Book of Five Rings, and I completely agree that even if we "are not talented", we can work hard, and we will learn and become good at anything (we can't always become the best, but we can become great), we just need to find the correct way to do it, and do it progressively. In my case, I can say that in a lot of moments in my life I've met people that seem to be incredible talented at something, or really smart and knowledgeable. After working hard and learning more and more, I've noticed that I can be like that too, I can achieve that too, I just need to constantly work hard. After all, we are all just humans, and most of us really have the same capacity, but we're using it in different ways (many times in my opinion, we're wasting our capacity by spending a lot of time on TikTok, or spending too many hours on entertainment).
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Motivation and inspiration.
Staying motivated is a must, so find something that keeps you motivated and interested, if we just work hard always, our lives can lose meaning. No joke.
In my case, I've found that stories keep me going, they keep me interested and inspired (and I learn a lot from them), stories can come from TV shows, books, comic books, video games, so on. Practicing a sport is also a great thing that keeps me inspired, I've been playing ping pong often lately, it's great.
Going out and talking to friends or people I meet is also a great activity for this purpose.
My suggestion is to find something, and activity, a hobby that keeps you interested in life and that motivates you to do things that are hard (like work). That's up to you to find. But, limit the time you dedicate to whatever keeps you inspired, it's really easy to be addicted and to spend way too much time doing that activity, it will drain all your energy, even if you have time left daily to do things, you won't have any energy left.
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A few last notes
When we don't like our jobs and don't accept that we have to do certain things and just keep procrastinating certain tasks, we create stress and anxiety upon ourselves, becoming the hero includes accepting that you have to do whatever you need to do, and doing it without distractions that drain your energy (if a job is too awful, it's a good idea to switch jobs of course). Doing this during your job and finding satisfaction by doing certain tasks at the job is good for our dopamine system which is tied to our motivation and energy. What is terrible for example is, when we keep looking at our cellphones often or during short breaks, we completely ruin this dopamine/ energy system and just lose a lot of energy for the rest of the day (familiar with the social media burnout?).
One habit that's really important is our energy management, really learning what consumes our energy, and not wasting energy on things that at the end of the day will be pointless.
Another habit that's related to everything in general is to learn better management, for example, not consuming too much time cooking daily, finding a way to eat healthy, not spending too much money on food, and perhaps cooking 2 days a week and freezing food in food containers for different days of the week.
Another management tip is to stop trying to solve issues as they show up, we should take a note and make time to solve them later.
Making lists helps, for example, when we run out of some food from our kitchen, making a note, and then having a list for the sole day of the week we're going to the supermarket (or for the day that we're ordering it online), avoiding going twice a week to the supermarket and to other places we don't need to go saves a lot of time, going to the supermarket early during the weekend can also save a lot of time (no people).
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Conclusion.
Learning, practicing, working hard, making good habits, dropping bad habits, becoming more versatile, limiting ourselves with stimulants, drugs, and leisure activities, having a hobby that keeps us interested in life, learning to like and accept or change our jobs, and so on, these are all the things that together mean "become the hero" (for the use of this post lol).
It's a really hard thing to accomplish, there are way too many limitations, distractions, addictions in life that will get in the way, but, we can try.
Achieving just a part of our goals is better than nothing at all, it's completely fine if we don't achieve everything we want to achieve. It's okay to take things easy, actually that's best, but work progressivly toward your goals.
#ping pong the animation#ping pong#the book of five rings#miyamoto musashi#musashi#habits#addictions#working hard#purposefulliving#mental health#health#job#social media#finding purpose#commitment#resilience#mind#versatile#hero#become the hero#britney is free
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my top bit of advice going into the new year: compliment people. especially strangers. literally everyone you interact with if you can. when you buy coffee in the morning compliment the barista's tattoos. when you're chatting with a coworker tell them that by the way you like their outfit. always find something they've chosen to do on purpose. nail polish, jewellery, tattoos, hair colour/style, statement accessory, outfit, etc are all good bets. things people hope will be noticed. things that aren't too personal so it doesn't make them uncomfortable (eg probably not their physical features). i've gotten into the habit of scanning everyone i talk to for something about them that i think is cool so i can tell them. it's a great habit because it makes me notice people and realise just how many neat little details there are in people's presentation of themselves that might pass me by if i wasn't paying attention. and it brings out so much joy. you'd be surprised how much it disarms people to receive an unexpected compliment from someone they don't know. it is the most sincere smile you will see all day long. it feels nice to make people happy but it also means you win the social interaction. establish dominance by complimenting a stranger's earrings and disappearing into the fog
#rookposting#the little 'oh!' followed by a big grin is now my highlight in every interaction i have with a stranger#you can always spot the things people hope will be noticed and you have no idea how happy it makes people when it gets noticed#i find it's always better to compliment things they did deliberately vs complimenting stuff like their voice or their face or other things#that are inherent or they cant change because that can make people uncomfortable for one thing to hear that from a stranger#but it's also just less meaningful imo because they didnt do that on purpose
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About focusing on what gives ya purpose. Good point.
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Unlock Healthy and Authentic Masculinity: A Guide to Confidence and Lasting Relationships
Unlock Healthy and Authentic Masculinity: A Guide to Confidence and Lasting Relationships
Imagine stepping into a world where your masculinity is not only seen but deeply felt. This guide isn’t about fitting into a mold; it’s about breaking free to reveal the true essence of masculinity that lies within you. Rooted in the wisdom of Christianity and Stoicism, this journey is designed to empower you to reclaim your personal power, boost your confidence, and cultivate the fulfilling…
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#and masculinity.#and self-improvement. These topics cover areas such as self-reliance#authenticity#finding purpose#including men&039;s health#Interpersonal Relationships#Motivation#perseverance#Personal Development#Philosophy#Productivity#Wellness
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“If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going” - Winston Churchill
Sanjay Mohindroo
Sanjay Mohindroo stayingalive.in
Discover the power of perseverance and resilience with our guide on overcoming adversity. Learn how to embrace challenges, cultivate resilience, and find strength in every setback. Keep moving forward, no matter what life throws your way. #Perseverance #Resilience #OvercomingAdversity
Perseverance Pays Off: The Power of Moving Forward:…
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#Celebrating Progress#Cultivating Resilience#Embracing Challenges#Embracing the journey#Finding Purpose#growth mindset#news#Overcoming Adversity#perseverance#persistence#Resilience#Sanjay K Mohindroo#Sanjay Kumar Mohindroo#sanjay mohindroo
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