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#everything we love in a wormie

froggibus · 10 months

Note

Hey can I request headcanons for overwatch characters and if their gf was drunk and asked them "would you still love me if I was a worm" with the overwatch men please (you don't have to do all of them but PLEASE include McCree and Reaper)

“Would You Still Love Me If I Was A Worm?” - Overwatch Boys

Includes: Cassidy, Reaper, Genji, Zenyatta, Ramattra, Hanzo, Lucio + Baptiste (w gn! reader)

Genre: fluff/kinda crack?

CW: general crack, kinda dumb tbh, suggestive in Genji and Baps, Ram is Ram (lmk if I missed anything)

been in a little bit of a writing slump but this was too good to pass up lol. I want to get a bit more writing done this week so who knows how that will go. anyway, enjoy <3 hope you like it anon!

————

Cassidy:

“what kinda question is that??”

looks at you in flabbergastation

you pout and bat your eyes at him and of course, he breaks

“you’re really not gonna let this go, huh? alright—of course I’d still love you, darlin’. I’d keep you in a lil jar and you could accompany me on my missions”

a jar????

now you’re the flabbergasted one

jars don’t have air—he’s gonna let you suffocate??

what are you?? rainbow dash (sorry)??

somehow leads to him going out into the yard despite it being the middle of the night to try and find a worm

somehow finds one??

keeps it in a jar as a pet just to prove he would love you as a worm

even names it after you and pets it’s head and calls it “my wriggly little y/n”

weirdly wholesome experience would try again

Reaper

“of all the stupid shit you could have asked me…”

he says that but he’s already considering it after the question leaves your mouth

would he love you as a worm?

“what kind of worm”

what do you mean what kind of worm?? does it matter??

obviously the pink wriggly kind

he has to ponder this

sits in his chair stroking his chin trying to think of how you would be as a worm

“would you still be able to talk and think or would you be an actual worm”

????

“it would be me if I was a worm, Gabe”

more pondering

“I’d love you platonically but you would probably have a short life span. I’d throw you a worm funeral.”

better than any response you could have expected but would not try again

Genji

“would we still have sex”

please hit this man

he’s joking of course—he’s not that weird

“why would you be a worm tho”

just answer the question, Genji

green cyborg ninja dude has no idea what to answer

will you be mad if he loves your worm self more than your current self?? would you be weird if he said he would love a wormy version of you??

“I would get myself turned into a worm too and then we could have a wormy life together and a wormy wedding and little wormy kids”

“you just want to have wormy sex” >~>

“that too”

at least he’s honest?

exactly as you expected, would not try again

Zenyatta

“a worm? like the insect?”

“yes? what other worms are there”

considers this

“is everything okay?”

poor omnic boy is so confused. are you planning on turning into a worm???

please reassure him it’s just a hypothetical and you’re not turning into a worm

goes on a ten minute tangent about how we are all the same in the Iris, and that he will love you no matter what form you take

honestly so wholesome + cute

“i will care for you in this life, and the next, and all of the ones after that. even the ones where you are a worm.”

good enough would try again

Ramattra

“No”

way to sugarcoat it, babe

it’s only when you get upset that he sighs and pulls you into his lap

“why would you ever become a worm? is someone trying to harm you? you know I would never let anyone bring harm to you.”

you try to explain that it’s just a hypothetical but he’s already going on a tangent on what he would do if you got turned into a worm

talks for five minutes alone on how he would defeat your enemies and defend your honour

says he would “put you out of your misery”????

“you would KILL ME?!”

“as an act of honour”

babe….

0/10 would not try again

Hanzo

“why”

idk bro just answer the question

lots of sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose

“would I also be a worm or am i still human”

only gets more confused when you say he’d be a human and you’d be a worm

probably looks up worm life expectancy and if worms are capable of love

“would you even know who I am if you were a worm”

has to ask a million questions before he can give his final verdict

lets out a long sigh before looking you dead in the eyes

“…yes”

cute in the end but would not try again

Lucio:

“would you still love me if I turned into a frog?”

that’s not the question

somehow it turns into a discussion on if he would eat your worm self if he was his frog self?

he insists he wouldn’t and would let you ride on his back but you insist his frog instincts would be too strong

“babe I’ve once seen you almost eat your own finger while eating chips”

“ok and??”

says you guys could live in a swamp together and he would protect you from evil

“I could be like your own frog superhero. I could even sing you little froggy songs”

makes up this entire life of you guys living together as a frog and a worm and him serenading you by croaking songs at night

honestly it’s the best reaction you could have gotten, would try again

Baptiste:

“i would find you a cure and turn you back into a human”

honestly he’s very amused by this whole situation

“but what if I want to be a worm”

“if I cure you and you want to turn back into a worm, that’s on you”

fair enough

insists he needs to ‘examine’ you so he knows you’re not turning into a worm

makes a lot of jokes at your expense too

finally sighs and admits he would keep you in a little terrarium with all the food and nutrients you need

“ha, so you would love me if I was a worm”

“love is a strong word”

good enough, would not try again

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lizzaneia-elizalde · 1 month

Note

how would the yanderes react when darling asks "would you love me if i was a worm" 😁

Yandere men and their darling asking "would you love me if I was a worm"

By the way, if you don't specify which set of yanderes, i'll do the latest! So, for this, it's set 2!

YAN! DELINQUENT

"A worm? Uh..."

Liam would be flabbergasted.

He would genuinely think about it. He doesn't have pets before. But, you're not a pet. You're his lover, so does that count as beast--

Then he watches your face distort from cheeky to worried, to sad because he's not answering at all.

But please, don't take his silence the wrong way. He's genuinely trying to give a logical answer to your question!

He's thinking of what soil to use, the cage... Wait, does caging you benefit? Or would it be healthier for a worm to be on grass?

His head is going overload trying to think of what to answer that you actually felt bad for it, until he just groans in his palms and say...

"Of course, I will. Worm or not."

YAN! BULLY

"Yeah no."

Straightforward answer, and it just pissed you off that he didn't even think about it.

And oh boy does he like the fact that you're pissed at him for saying that. He'll tease you about it, saying "boohoo, i'll just throw you away and find another person. Because honestly, how can I fuck you when you're a worm?"

Now, that genuinely hurt you, because it implied that he only loves you for your body. And now, you're ignoring him. Sure, you have no other friends to turn to, but what's there to miss from him when he says those stuff.

Uno freezes, because now he sees you're actually hurt. At first, he'll laugh at you for being such a sensitive person, not until you ignoring him became too painful and he had to lower is high ass pride and kneel in front of you, saying that you as a worm wouldn't matter because he still loves you.

YAN! NSFW ASMRTIST

"Is this a request for a new audio?"

Rose was slightly aware of the trend, but he didn't expect you to say it to him. So maybe you were suggesting a new audio plot?

But no, you're actually asking if he would love you if you were a worm.

He chuckles, a bit awkward. He's a bit too old for these trends.

"I don't understand the trend. But um... Yes, I will still love you. I'll take care of you greatly, and make sure you live your best life with me."

YAN! ISEKAI'ED ADVENTURER

"My lady? A worm?"

Aeron stops what he's doing (probably marquessate work) and looks up at you. "Are you going to get cursed or something?"

If he somehow knew the trend beforehand, he'll be surprised that you knew that. Are you also from this world, perhaps?

But then, he'll stop himself and chuckles. "Yes, I will. Also, I know that you will overcome whatever curse will be afflicted on you."

It seems that he misunderstood everything. But you don't mind.

YAN! PLAYER

"Yes. And I'll also be a worm. And we'll have a worm wedding, then a worm family..."

Oh gods, please make him stop.

After you asked that question, he'll giddily answer like he's been thinking about the question a lot. You looked at him funnily as he listed down his wormy fantasy when you both become worms like it's the inevitable. Sometimes, it's scaring you, really.

"--then, i'll bring you the most precious food out there, wait, what kind of worm? Ooh, earthworms? But no..."

Why did you even ask that?

YAN! PARASITE

"Aren't we worms already?"

You shoot Acheron a mean look and he laughs. "I mean, we're technically parasites, hopping from one body to another. So yes, we are worms, and I still and will love you. Yes?"

Well, that's true... But did he really have to be logical? Where's the whimsy and fun?

As you pout there, he chuckles and kisses your forehead.

Well, at least he will love you no matter what.

YAN! EMPEROR

"... No."

You were shocked. Surely, SURELY, the man who committed war crimes just to find you would love you as a worm?

When you asked him why, he would just scoff and say:

"I am a man of high status. I will not be loving a worm."

You frowned, and he could clearly tell that you were about to turn around and walk away when he suddenly pulled you close.

"I will be finding the best wizards and sorcerers out there, even warlocks and witches, just to turn you back to your form."

Okay, maybe Callisto can be sweet too.

YAN! COLLEGE STUDENT

"No questions, yes."

Alpheus gave you a straight answer as he put hot glue on the plank on his hand before gently placing it on the board. "I'll even make you a small house just for you to live on."

He's unbelievably sweet when he said that, like it was the most obvious thing ever. Even when he's making his architectural model, he's still so attentive towards you.

In reality, he doesn't understand this trend at all. Why become a worm in the first place? It's not even logical. But eh. You wanted to ask, so fine.

YAN! DEEP SEA CREATURE

"What is a worm?"

Ah, you forgot that this man is essentially homebound and cannot get out. So, no worms. So you thought of an alternative, a starfish!

He deeply thought of the answer to give you, until... "Hmm, yes, I will. But, that means, I can dissect you into multiples so I can have more of you."

Okay, okay... Jeez.

YAN! HUNTER

"Wait, a worm? Yes, but..."

He's not sure how to say this without saying anything incriminating. "I have to remake the whole pool aquarium into a biodiverse ecosystem!" Well, at least he's still thinking of you.

"NO! WAIT! IF I GIVE YOU THAT BIG OF AN ENCLOSURE, I'LL LOSE YOUR WORM FORM!" You blinked, not expecting such a passionate revelation of an answer. He bit his nail, actually thinking deep. You just rolled your eyes and chuckled.

YAN! KING

"If you become a worm, then I'll be a worm too."

Soma frowns. What kind of question is this?

"I'll make sure that you won't get away from me and crawl back to the Emperor." He seethed, eyes burning with jealousy.

Did you ask that to spite him? Are you going to escape by being a worm? Foolish enough to even say your plan too. He grabs your hand, kissing you roughly.

"I will kill every single worm I see until I reach to you."

YAN! GOD

"Do you wish to be one?"

Liviticus stopped watching the screen and looked to you. He's thinking too deep now. "Are you unhappy in your new form? I can fix that."

But before you could deny, Livticus turned you into a worm, making you shriek in horror as he picked you up. He smiles softly, thinking you like it. "You'll turn back into a human tomorrow, so don't worry."

STILL TOMORROW?

Man... You shouldn't have asked...

YAN! PROSECUTOR

"I will not be able to love you romantically as a worm."

He sadly says as he holds your hand. He seems genuinely distraught of the fact that he can't. You asked him why not. "It's because we are species apart, and it will be unfair to you if I confine you to me always when your place is in the soil, thriving, eating, growing... I simply cannot."

He pecks you on the forehead, gently brushing the back of your hand. "But, I will still long for you, forever."

#lizzaneiaelizalde #yandere writing #tw yandere #yandere imagines #yandere male #yandere boyfriend #male yandere x reader #yandere x darling #yandere x you #yandere fic

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silverameco · 21 days

Text

Travel AU - @wolfstarmicrofic - 698 words

CW : suicide joke, implied past abuse

It was a normal friday night. They had a marauders' gathering, but Prongs and Wormy left quite early, like they tended to do these days. So it was just him and Moony. Sirius couldn't be bothered. They were smoking weed on the windowshill. Sirius always loved Remus' apartment because it was close to the train station, and you could hear and see the trains. Sirius found it soothing.

"Do you ever just watch a train about to leave and think 'what if I get into it' ?" he asked randomly.

They were always having weirdly deep conversations when they smoked together. Sirius loved it.

"Err- not really ?" Remus answered, but it was more a question than anything.

"I used to think that all the time when I was still living with my parents. Anywhere better than there, y'know ?"

Remus nodded and gave him a comforting smile. Just enough to make him know he was listening, not enough to make him feel pressured to say more, or weird for oversharing. Just perfect, like it always was with Remus.

"Well, I mean, it was either that or the urge to jump under the train." he joked.

"Oh my god, Sirius !" Remus said with a startled kind of laugh and wide eyes like he didn't know if he was supposed to laugh or not.

But Sirius chuckled so Remus visibly relaxed and huffed, before turning his gaze out the window. Sirius kept looking at him. The night breeze was softly messing up his curls, and the moonlight made his features look softer than usual. He was even more soothing to look at than the trains.

"Where would you even go?"

"Mh ?" Sirius didn't listen, too enraptured by his observation.

Remus looked at him once again and suddendly, Sirius realized how close they were. Their legs were touching because the windowshill wasn't designed for two grown men to sit on it.

"If you took a train. Where would you go ?"

"Anywhere. That's the good thing. The adventure." he spoke the last part with a wild kind of grin which made Remus smile back. So he felt positively adventurous and didn't stop there.

"You know what ? We should do it. Take a train."

"What ?" Remus asked in disbelief.

But Sirius was on a ride that couldn't be stopped. "Yes ! Just, any train, as soon as there is one."

Remus just laughed. "You're mad. You're actually mad. I don't even know if there's any train leaving London we could take. It's literally two o'clock."

"So ? I don't see what the issue is." And then, making sure to look Remus in the eyes and to pout just a little. "Come on, Moony. Don't you want to go on an adventure with me ? It'd be just you and me."

He saw a furtive glint in Remus' eyes at the last part and knew he won. In fact, his friend took out his phone and seemed to be looking for something on it for a few seconds. Sirius was hooked on whatever he was going to say next.

"There is only one train with seats available. It takes off at 6 and goes to some random ass village in Scotland."

Sirius leaned forward, closer to Remus, and whispered, "Let's take it". Remus smiled and whispered back, "Okay, Pads. Let's do it."

After that, Sirius' smile couldn't be larger. He took a drag and blowed the smoke in Remus' face, who swatted at him. That was going to be a good trip.

That's how, four hours later, they found themselves on an old train, ready to leave for Scotland. The seats were rather small so their thighs were touching. Neither were making any effort to keep them apart. They hadn't slept so Sirius was dozing off on Remus' shoulder. In his sleepy and drug clouded mind, everything was perfect.

"Dear travelers, welcome aboard this train to Hogsmeade station, Scotland."

#this has been on my mind for days #i just didn't have time to write it #also this is inspired by my own apartment from which you can see trains #i don't even know if it's possible in London but idc #silv writes things #wolfstar microfic #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #marauders #marauders era #dead gay wizards

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starchaseriseverything · 3 months

Text

"Reggie, my love."

"What, James?"

James felt so in love in this moment that he thinks he might propose right then and there, without a ring, or without Sirius knowing.

"Can we tell him yet?"

"No."

Regulus and James have been in a secret relationship for about two years now. Honestly, James is surprised Sirius hasn't figured it out or that he hasn't told Sirius.

James has told Sirius everything since they were fourteen. They were immediate friends, but James didn't start trusting Sirius until fourteen. Just like with Marlene.

James has known Marlene for as long as he can remember. Their parents were friends before they were born, and they've always grown up together. But, he didn't start trusting her right away.

"Why not?"

"You know how Sirius is."

They are in the Slytherin common room. Sirius never goes in there. He's banned. Slughorn banned him after a really bad prank he did on Severus. He hasn't been allowed in there since.

Which is why they use the common room to meet up. Now, of course, their friends are always there. Especially when James' best friend is dating Regulus'. But, it's the best place.

Marlene rolls her eyes. "Yeah, dramatic."

"Who else is dramatic that we know?" James asks. "Oh, that's right, you."

"Shut up, bitch."

"Hey!" Barty yells. "I'm the only one that can call people bitches."

"Oh, I'm sorry, mister 'I won't call Evan a bitch'."

"Can everyone just shut the fuck up?"

"Sorry, Cas."

"Sorry, babe."

"Talk, now. Why can't you tell Sirius. It's not that big a deal."

"You really want us to tell him?" Regulus asks. "Fine, let's see how it goes."

Barty smirks. "Yes! I gotta go get Ev and Dora!" Barty jumps up and runs up the stairs while calling over his shoulder, "Don't start without me!"

Evan, Barty, and Pandora come bounding down the stairs. "What is happening?" Pandora asks. "B just told us to hurry and didn't explain."

Barty smiles. "Their telling Sirius."

Evan' eyes go wide. "No."

"Yes."

"They do realize what's going to happen, right?"

"Yep." He pauses. "Well, maybe. I'm not entirely sure."

"Would you two just shut up?" Regulus states.

***

"Hey, Pads. How are you?"

"What do you want, Prongs?" Sirius looks behind him. "Is that my brother and Slytherins?"

"Dora' a Ravenclaw."

"Not the point. What are they doing here?"

"Yeah, about that..." He got cut off by his best friend.

"Jamie and Reg are dating."

"What the fuck, Marls!"

"Their what!?"

Lily laughs. "He had to have figured it out at some point."

"Shut up, Lils."

"When the fuck."

Mary smiles. "Mar, no."

"Two years."

"Two years!? You've been...."

Remus continues, "Dating."

"For two years!?"

"Yes?"

"Also, when did you start calling Rosier, Dora?"

"When he started dating Reg."

"Marlene Elizabeth McKinnon!"

"You made friends with Slytherin'?"

"Technically, Dora' a Ravenclaw."

"Not the point! Do you love him?"

James knows he loves him but he's not sure if he should tell him. He's said it before, but Regulus has never said it back. "Of course I love him."

"Then, choose."

"What?"

"Me or him?"

"Pads, please."

"Pads, don't make him choose."

"Stay out of this, Moony. Me or him?"

James looks at his best friend. He knows that if he asks Marlene right now to choose between him and Dorcas, she would choose Dorcas 100%.

Marlene knows exactly what he's thinking. "You know I will be with you either way."

"I know, Marls. But I also know you would choose Dorcas over me."

"You know what you have to do." James nods.

"Pads, Sirius."

Sirius gives him a pitying look. "Great, choose my brother over me."

"He hasn't even said anything." Mary says.

"He never calls me by my name."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't. I don't want to see you. You're not my friend. Not anymore." He walks up the stairs.

"Moony, Wormy."

Peter shakes his head and follows Sirius. Remus walks up to him. "You know I love you, right?" James nods. "But I will always choose Sirius." He nods again.

"I love you, too." He walks up the stairs.

Lily and Mary walk up to him. "You know we always will choose you."

"No, go to Sirius. I'll be fine. Besides, I'm always happy." James could hear Marlene scoff behind him.

"Yeah, right." Mary says sadly.

"Please, just go to Sirius, ok?"

"Yeah, we will. In a little." Lily hugs him, and Mary joins soon after. They stay like that for half a minute, and then they walk upstairs.

"Jamie -"

"I'm fine, Marls." He walks to the passage way to get out and stops in his tracks. "Don't follow me." He walks out.

James makes it to the Astronomy Tower and stares down at the ground. He can see the dent on the ground where he rammed his broom into it. The blood from that so-called ramming.

He can remember how he was so distracted by Regulus that he didn't see where he was going and didn't realize he was going down until he hit the ground. Luckily, his head didn't hit it, but he did get some pretty bad bruises from it.

"Jamie?" He didn't even hear the footsteps.

"I'm fine, Reg."

"No, you're not. You choose me over, Sirius. He's your best friend."

"No, he's not. Marls is."

"Not the point. Jamie, you can't just run away from your problems."

"I didn't. My problems are in my head. They always are."

"Jamie -"

"I'm fine, Regulus."

"No, you're not! You can't just do that!"

"Do what?"

"Run away from everyone!"

James finally turns around to face Regulus. "Why would anyone care?"

"I do! I love you! No one else!"

"You - you - you just -" James takes a deep breath in. "You love me?"

"Of course I do, you idiot. Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. Because I'm a Gryffindor?"

Regulus laughs. "Why would I care? Even if I didn't love you before we started dating, I would still love you now."

James smiles. "Really?" Regulus nods. "I love you, too."

James loves Regulus so much. He's glad it turned out this way. He would have rather kept his boyfriend and friend, but it wasn't supposed to work out that way.

"I know. How could you not?" They both laugh.

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mrsfrecklesmarauders · 3 months

Text

"Come on, Padsie..." James stuck his ear to the bathroom door "Talk to me, handsome"

James had a strong knot on his throat each time Sirius got like that. It was usually after his stupid biological family said something to him or did something to him.

James knew Sirius wasn't very chatty about his feelings. They talked only when they were in a good mood and in a joking context. But when there were real conversations, Sirius shut down.

James had been so worried over the summer after he had found Sirius all bruised, shaking from the cold and crying on the street. After that, Sirius never exactly told James what they had done to him. He could only guess.

Now a discussion with the little prick of his brother, made Sirius lock himself in the loo.

"Just leave me alone, James!" Sirius shouted. James could hear soft sobs coming from there as well. That made him feel like his heart was being squeezed hard.

James turned desperately towards his friends. They looked as pale and worried as James felt.

"What did that wanker say to him, Remus?" James asked. Remus had been there to witness their fight. James had only entered the scene to break the two brothers apart.

"I don't know well" Remus said, looking down "They mostly spoke in French"

"Don't be a whine, Padfoot" Peter sighed "We are just trying to help"

"Fuck off!!"

Peter shrugged "I tried"

James sighed, knocking the door again.

"Padsie? Can I come in?"

"Moony" Sirius said with a sniff "Moony can come in"

James knew Remus was special for Sirius. They were close. That gave the Gryffindor some sort of jealousy. Sometimes James feared Remus would replace him as Sirius’s best friend. But he knew that was stupid. They were The Marauders. They were all close. Although, James knew he loved Sirius differently, more intensely.

Remus looked at James with guilt. He knew his friend was probably hiding something from him. Maybe he heard more from the Black Brothers conversation. But if he knew, he didn't say anything.

Remus was silently asking James for permission. But James had no authority. He didn't own Sirius or anything. If he wanted Remus, then he wanted Remus. Maybe Sirius didn't trust him anymore.

James extended his hand, making Remus way to enter. He could do as he pleased anyway.

Remus approached unsure, knocking the door in front of him.

"Padfoot, It's Moony. Come on, let me in"

Sirius opened the door just wide enough to squeeze Remus in. Once the skinny boy was dragged inside, Sirius closed the door right on James's nose. Hearing the lock made him lose hope. There was a time when Sirius used to come into James's bed to tell him stuff. Perhaps that confidence ended between them.

James placed his ear against the door, only catching whispers between his friends. But nothing he could understand. Sirius had done the same back at home. He only confied in Euphemia then. Now it was Remus's turn. Not James's. Not James anymore.

James sighed, trying to hide his jealousy. He wouldn't be a good mate if he acted like a jealous dick. He walked towards Peter, putting an arm around him.

"Don't worry, Wormy" he said "Padfoot will be alright"

"Yeah" Peter answered unsure.

James hid his feelings of jealousy, disappointment and worry from The Marauders. He still didn't know what had happened between Sirius and his brother. Whatvever Remus told him inside the bathroom made Sirius feel better. He pretended that everything was fine or that he didn't care. Although James knew that wasn't the case, Sirius still didn't talk to him.

Lily noticed James was down. She mentioned something in the next prefects meeting after James was too distracted to pay attention to his girlfriend.

"Sorry, darling" James kissed her cheek "I'm a bit distracted"

"What is going on?" Lily asked. James shrugged. "You know you can trust me, James"

James didn't realize he was pouting until Lily touched his chin delicately with a smile.

James took a deep breath "I reckon I am losing my best friend, love. I am losing Sirius"

"What do you mean? You guys are inseparable"

That was what James thought anyway.

"It started this summer more like" James explained "You know how Sirius left his house and now is living with me, right?"

Lily nodded. She was comforting to talk to. She even stroked James's hand, making James feel little sparks now and then. It was beautiful how close they've gotten. Not only boyfriend and girlfriend but confidents.

"Well, I still don't know what happened for him to leave"

"I thought you said it was because his parents are abusive assholes and they hurt him"

"That's what I assume" James sighed "I mean, he was bloody bruised, Lils. It was horrible to see"

"How awful" Lily pouted, her eyes becoming watery. She was a true angel. Even after how bad Sirius treated her, she still cared for him.

"But he didn't tell me, Lils" James bit his lip "I still don't know why his father hit him"

"Maybe those things are delicate to talk about"

"He told Effie. And I think Remus knows more than me" James looked down, putting his glasses up "I am his best friend. But he doesn't trust me anymore. We've been drifting apart lately."

Lily touched his cheek in a comforting way.

"I know I am Head Boy now and I am dating you. But I can still have time for him if he needs me..." he sighed "Lily, I miss him. If I miss him it means we are not as close as we used to be"

"He is going through stuff, James" Lily bit her lip, probably guilty not knowing what else to do to help her boyfriend.

"He seems to be spending lots of time with Remus, though"

Lily twisted her mouth in a smile.

"Are you jealous?"

"What? No!" James exclaimed "Who said anything about jealousy, Lily! I didn't say anything!! Jealous, me? Ha!"

Lily giggled under her breath.

"Don't laugh, traitor!" James pouted as he turned around and laid his head on his girlfriend's lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and played with his hair gently.

"I am sure what Sirius and Remus have is different, James"

James raised an eyebrow "What do you mean?"

Lily cleared her throat "I mean, people are allowed to have more than one friend"

"Friends? Tons!" James clarified "Best friend? Only one!"

"I have two" Lily shrugged "Mary and Marlene are both my best friends"

James rolled his eyes "It is different, babe. What I feel about Sirius..." he took a minute to think about it "I love him. I would die for him. He is more than a friend, more than a brother. He is very special to me"

"Should I be the one to get jealous here?" Lily teased with an innocent laugh. James smiled and raised his head to give Lily a peek on the lips.

"Oh give me another kiss" he said before kissing his girlfriend again. Once he was pleased, he laid down again.

"I know that what you and Sirius have is special" Lily said, now stroking his hair again "So whatever that is happening between you is going to get fixed. Just give Sirius time, love. Just let him know you are there if he needs you"

James made a pout once more. He knew Lily might be right. But there was also that fear of Sirius simply leaving him. What if James had given him reasons not to trust him? James was a tackless wanker sometimes. He used to joke a lot. He used to tease a lot. He used to be an asshole with others. Maybe Sirius didn't want to be friends with a biggot like James.

"And trust me" Lily added, when she saw James's expression "Remus and Sirius have a different type of relationship"

James raised his torso from Lily's embrace only to face her. He raised an eyebrow. Lily was biting her lip. She was so adorable and beautiful it hurt.

"What do you mean, Evans?" James asked "Do you know something?"

"No! What do you mean?" Lily was also terrible at lying and hiding things. "What I meant is that Remus is a very good listener. Is so good talking to him. Maybe Sirius appreciates that."

James smiled "I know". Remus had been the only one to stand all the pinning James had done over Lily. He was a good friend. James understood why Sirius trusted him. And sometimes he felf guilty for getting jealous of what he had with Sirius.

James touched Lily's cheek delicately.

"Everyone knows Sirius loves you, James. I am sure he is going to open up to you about what is happening in his brain"

James hoped. He wanted for things to go back to what it used to be before. Perhaps they were closer when they were loser kids pranking others. But they were maturing now. Sirius needed to understand that. They still had a lot of adventures and things to live together. If James lost Sirius one day, he was going to die for sure.

"Let's not talk about them, gorgeous" James smirked as he leaned in. "We barely have time alone anymore"

Contrary to what Sirius believed, James didn’t spend most of his time snogging Lily. He wished. Not but really, he had been very invested with the Head Boy job. He actually loved it. He got more involved with the school and other house mates. He loved spending time with younger students. They made him laugh. Plus, he had rugby practice. He was also the Captain of the Gryffindor Team. And he wanted his team to win. Also he had been pendant of Peter and his crush over Mary. And with Remus, making feel welcome because nothing had changed since he came out as gay. But mostly, James had been trying to be pendant on Sirius.

Lots of things to worry about. He appreciated to enjoy some time with his girl.

Lily smiled, her cheeks slightly pink everytime James flirted with her.

"What do you want to do with your time, Mr. Head Boy?" she said as he played with his tie.

"I have a few ideas..."

"Yeah?"

Before Lily could say anything else, James kissed her lips with fierce this time. Lily's soft lips and her strawberry lipstick were delicious to taste. James had imagined so many times what it would be like to kiss Lily. But actually doing it was ten times better. She was always delicate and shy, allowing James to take the lead.

Their snogging was getting intense and better when someone cleared their throat behind James. He waved his hand, dismissing whoever dared to interrupt. When he heard the authoritative voice of his head of house.

"Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Potter. Miss Evans"

James and Lily unglued their faces with embarrassment. Lily was as red as her hair. She gasped.

"Yes, you interrupt" James murmured under his breath. It was comical how it had been always the same. Since James and Lily started dating they couldn't have some time alone. Just a little time. That's what James asked. He wanted to snog his girlfriend. Do other stuff perhaps.

"Excuse me, Mr. Potter?" McGonagall raised an eyebrow.

"I said you don't interrupt!" James exclaimed with a snort "You never interrupt, professor"

"Sorry, professor" Lily got to her feet and adjusted her clothes. Her face red as a tomato "Did you need us?"

"Yes, I would like to discuss some things about the schedule with you" McGonagall said "Why don't we step into my office?"

"Yes" James got up reluctantly.

"Yes, Professor" Lily had more enthusiasm "We're right after you"

McGonagall gave them a firm glance. James answered with an innocent smile. When their professor turned. James sighed and followed with his girlfriend.

#I dream about having what James and Sirius have with someone one day #But we know it's impossible #marauders #maraudersera #muggleau #james potter #lily evans #jily #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #peter pettigrew #platonic besties #james & sirius #platonic prongsfoot

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toomanyfictionalboyfriends · 1 year

Text

Peter Parker (written with TASM in mind but could be any)

"would you love me if I was a worm" x Christmas time

"Pete?" You call for him as soon as you hear the door open.

"Yeah, it's me. Sorry I'm late, May needed me to get a few things." He apologizes, kicking out of his sneakers.

"S'okay bub. I picked out a movie, it's all queued up, I was just waiting for you to get here to make popcorn so it didn't get cold." You press a quick kiss to his cheek as he shrugs out of his coat, hanging it on the rack next to yours. It's such a simple action but the thought of having your own home with Peter one day where your coats permanently reside next to one another makes your heart swell.

"What movie?" He follows you into the kitchen, puttering around with his phone while you talk and make popcorn.

"Santa Clause. It's one of my all time favorite Christmas movies."

"Well I know that. I just thought we'd be watching something different since we watched it last week." His phone is left playing a tik tok on loop for a moment while he peppers your face with kisses.

"No we watched Fred Claus, it's not the same, Peter. This one is the one with Scott and Charlie. Santa falls off the roof and Scott puts on the suit? Scott's Santa because of the Santa Clause? Bernard the elf? We absolutely did not watch this last week. I will fight you on this one."

"I'll win."

"You think you're all big and bad cause you're Spiderman, well, newsflash, pretty boy. You wouldn't hurt me if your life depended on it." You deliver a peck to his nose before he defeatedly slumps at the counter again, scrolling to another tik tok. It's quiet besides the microwave and Peter's phone but soon enough that's paused.

"Princess?"

"Mh?"

"Would you love me if I was a wo-"

"No, Peter, I would not love you if you were a worm. Worms are gross and slimy and they wiggle too much. Besides, I'd never be able to kiss you, you could never hold me again. I'd just be lonely, you wouldn't be able to talk and I couldn't send you funny tik toks that make me think of you. Pete you being a worm is a lose lose situation. No I would not love you if you were a worm. I'm sorry." You shake your head.

"Have you thought about this?" He gasps in disbelief.

"Would you love me if I was a worm?"

"Abso-fucking-loutely I would. I'd put you in a little Tupperware with some holes in the lid, and not a cheap one either, one of May's good Tupperware. I'd put in some wet dirt for you, cause worms like moist dirt, right? And some- whatever it is worms eat. I could start a compost on the balcony. I'll become a worm expert for you bub, I'll learn everything there is to know about worms so I can take care of you and love you." He also seems to have thought his answer through.

"Peter, you could never kiss me, or cuddle me."

"That's what the Tupperware is for, kissing and cuddling, bub."

"I'm not going to turn into a worm, thankfully, but here, your popcorn is done." You shove the bag into his chest.

"Are you mad?"

"You would be totally fine with me turning into a worm Peter, what do you think?" You plop down on the sofa, starting up the movie.

"I'd be fine with myself turning into a worm too, we could be little wormies in love, bubba." He nudges you excitedly.

"Shut up, neither of us are turning into worms, we need arms so we can hold each other and lips so we can kiss each other. Now watch the movie with me." You curl up against his side and give him a kiss, thanking whatever power exists that neither of you are worms.

#tasm peter x reader #tasm!spiderman x reader #tasm x reader #tasm peter parker #tasm peter parker x reader #tasm!peter x reader #tasm!spiderman x you #peter 3 #peter parker #fan fic #fanfiction #fics #peter parker x reader

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tortugatalks · 1 year

Text

𝗪𝗞 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝘄'𝘀 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘀 "𝗪𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗠𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝗪𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗺?" 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻|ᴴᶜˢ

𓆉 gender neutral reader

𓆉 established romantic relationship

𓆉 no warnings!

Martin Kratt

"oh yeah, definitely!"

━ does not hesitate at all! already knows you're asking this for shits and giggles and is very much happy to indulge you.

━ goes on to say that he'll keep you warm inside a comfy and spacious glass container with plenty of soil! a nice bedding with enough moisture—all that jazz! all things considered, that's pretty sweet of him... until he jokes about keeping you around for composting, feeding you banana and melon scraps, which now that you think about it, is starting to sound like a nightmare if that's mostly all of what you're gonna do.

━ for as much as you insist on changing the subject, martin takes that as his cue to tell you about the many amazing creature powers of the worm and how there's no shame in being one! trust him, he's seen how they are first-hand!

Chris Kratt

"a worm?" he laughs. "why would you be a worm?"

━ skeptical, but plays along. though, he does puts a little too much thought into it. like obviously he loves you, so there's no change in his feelings if you were to suddenly turn all wormy, but the actual aspect of you being a worm does make the gears in his head turn.

━ realistically speaking, he would want for you to be happy, and maybe traveling around the world in a container wouldn't be the happiest way for a worm to live. so? he wholeheartedly tells you that he'll put you in a secure habitat with your own little worm friends. living free and in the wild!

— so caught up in the euphoria of him wanting what's best for you that for like a minute you lived in a world where he didn't just say he'd let you go.

Aviva Corcovado

hums, "are we talking hypothetically or...?"

━ immediately thinks about how you'd look as a worm and gets a huge kick out of it. she apologizes, but she just can't help it! the imagery is a wild one for sure.

━ would honestly prefer you to be kept as a human. what if she were to accidentally knock you over or step on you? what if she lost you? what if you were to fall out the tortuga when up in the air?! nonno, being a worm is simply not an option!

━ confidently assures you that she'd do whatever it takes to revert you back to your human state, biology be damned! and not a sliver of doubt. if anyone could figure it out, you know it's her.

Koki

".... yeah... of course...?"

━ you know damn well she's lying.

━ she mulled over it a bit, that's clear, but the instant grimace that came after was enough to make you cackle. she knows you saw it, so it takes everything in her to smile the most natural looking grin she could muster. knowing her, she's terrible at masking her honest feelings.

━ comes clean and admits that she loves you a lot, but having a lover as a worm would gross her out. i mean, how would she kiss you? you'll be all slimy!! point out how she literally imagined kissing a worm and she'll just gag as she tries to run away from you. no way is she doing this today!

Jimmy Z

"if you were a what—? a WORM?!"

━ confusion. and. shock. now where'd this come from? this has to be some sort of trick question!

━ frets more about the reasons WHY you would even be turned into a worm in the first place. a science experiment gone wrong? ZACK?! you're not trying to tell him something, are you?

━ ultimately tells you that, yes! of course he would! he'd keep you all snug in his pocket and feed you tiny meals from the larger meals he'd be making for the rest gang. will include you in everything he does! ...now who's gonna tell him that it'd be much more complicated than he thinks it'd be?

#wild kratts x reader #martin kratt x reader #chris kratt x reader #aviva corcovado x reader #koki x reader #jimmy z x reader

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groovygladiatorsheep · 11 months

Text

❝ We got everything you need here ! ❞

Meet Chai ! A Ccino x Classic kiddo !!

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

* Credits !

Ccino belongs to Black-Nyanko :3

Classic belongs to Toby Fox !

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

* Info !

- Stress lil bean that makes stress go away by sleeping..

- Loves wormies and pusheens :33

#mdraw #ship child #fanchild #ref #Chai #classic sans #ccino sans #cappuccino #cappuccino sans #classic x ccino #Ccino x classic #morning coffee #<- ship name #sanscest kid

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no-where-new-hero · 1 month

Note

CAN WE TALK ABOUT MEXICAN GOTHIC?!

I just finished it and I have no thoughts only screams. It was so so good and visceral and gross and vivid and gahhhhhhhh

@moonlightredfern AHHHH OMG YES I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!! Also I will always talk about it; it’s one of the most brain-wormy books I’ve ever read!!

Honestly, I think this book understands what Gothic is supposed to be better than any of the others that have subsequently followed because of how visceral everything is; the house is literally living and growing and sentient and the patriarchal horror comes together with the colonial horror in SUCH a good way. I also really really love that Moreno-Garcia didn’t forget that at its heart the Gothic is erotic, it’s intimate, things that are hidden are revealed; it’s also just EXTREMELY uncomfortable! To understand desire and revulsion and how they’re both sides of the same coin, how Romanticism isn’t romantic, and how power operates in all of it. I don’t know, it’s so so smart and subtle and yet it’s so effective (probably for NOT banging the reader over the head with stuff) and anyway I really need to reread it!!!

#immortal poets society #mexican gothic

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sanderchu · 2 years

Note

could you do the mcyts (you can pick) reactions to “would you still love me if i turned into a worm” (for tubbo it can be ‘would you still be my friend’) bc i think it would be pretty funny lol

Worm talk 🪱

Note: I decided to do all of them and just really what they would say in response :)

Characters: dream, George, sapnap, karl, quackity, ranboo, tubbo, tommy, Wilbur, niki

Reader: Gn!reader

Reader: “would you love me if I became a worm?”

Dream 💚

“Yes :) I would have a little home and area for you and talk to you and feed you everyday <3 just make sure patches doesn’t get you-“

George 🦋

“I don’t care what you are either way I would lose you- hey that’s your fault you became a worm”

Sapnap 🐼

“Yes but I would probably step on you :,)”

Karl 🌀

“Can I re name you wormy? :0 then yes”

Quackity 🐤

“I’m sorry mamacita but it’s all men for him self in stepping on your ass”

Ranboo 👑

“I can’t even be trusted with you human rn but a worm you?! You would be around my streaming room because I don’t know how to care for a worm”

Tubbo 🐝(platonic)

“Why would you become a worm? Do you want to be a worm? Do we need to talk about this crisis?”

Tommy ♥️

“I would eat you >:)”

Wilbur ☕️

“Well I can try to care for you but I can barley even care for myself but first time for everything I suppose”

Niki 🌸

“Yes I would 🥹 your still beautiful/handsome to me either way <3”

A/n: i used to many fucking tags slay-

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dozenssporks · 2 months

Text

Midnight Zoomies

*a click and rustle accompany an image of Vash pulling back from the camera after turning it on. He is wearing sweats with his red coat half pulled on over it, sitting on the floor cross-legged. The room is dark and Vash is holding a small pocket-flashlight under his chin*

Vash, whispering: do yah ever feel the inner pendulum swing upward in the middle of the night and you've gotta do something or you'll bite off your own fingers? Yeah, no, I didn't think so.

*a nasal snore cuts in when Vash pauses for a breath. Vash ducks his head and glanced back furtively*

Vash: my camera guy is peacefully asleep. Jerk. When I tried to wake him up he said he'd shoot me for real this time. So everybody keep it down unless you want me shot. Which a lot of people do so I guess it's good that you're watching this from the future, haha.

*Holding the flashlight in his teeth Vash drags his bag from off-screen and dumps it on the floor in front of him. There's a lot of rattling and something that sounds like a squeaky toy*

*after an awkwardly long time Vash rummages out a crumpled sheet of printer paper and takes the flashlight out of his mouth*

Vash: here it is! Viewer questions she printed out for me! I've run out of things to do so I'll try and answer some of these. I even did the Sudoku puzzles somebody left in a drawer. Before that I picked the lock on the mini-bar and arranged everything by color. I tried to do origami with my sheets. It didn't work.

*the snoring in the background cuts off and Vash quickly covers the flashlight with his hand, an orange glow seeping from between his fingers*

*there's the sound of someone turning over in bed and the snoring resumes. Vash uncovers the flashlight*

Vash: whew! okay, let's get this show on the road.

*smoothing the paper out on his knee, Vash shines the flashlight on it and squints to make out the text*

Vash: this is a question from somebody named 'wormlife4ever'. That sounds like the name of somebody I'm gonna have to fight. Anyway, he/she/they want to know . . . oh, it's not a question. It says: 'meet me under the Eiffel tower for a tail-kicking'.

*Vash tilts his head side-to-side, then tries moving the paper sideways and then upside-down. He shakes his head*

Vash: Yeah okay you're definitely somebody I have to fight. Can't we just get along, brother? Sister? Sibling? Think of love! Think of peace! Think of the cost of catching a plane to France this time of night! S'il vous plaît, pensez à l'amour!

*there is a pause while vash screws up his eyes and looks at the paper critically*

Vash: is it weird to want to crumple up this paper and eat it? It probably tastes like my socks but I reaaally wanna do it and I'm unsupervised . . . oh, but first. Ahem. You think you can kick my tail, wormy? Do you know how many gas station burritos I've eaten? And lived?! I will kick your tail, I will kick your dog's tail, I will take on a nine-tailed fox, I will kick so many tails! Believe it!

*he takes in a deep breath and slumps as he lets it out again*

Vash: expect I won't. Because love. Peace. The dog did nothing wrong. I'm a pacifist! A hunter of the mayfly of love--hang on I think he's talking in his sleep!

*Vash leans to the right with his hand cupped behind his ear*

Wolfwood: eat--eat yer veggie-tables . . . no pudding . . . wanna lose knife privileges? Pfft. Marigolds . . .

*Wolfwood trails off and he starts to make wheezy, not quite snoring noises*

*Vash is shaking and has his hand flat against his mouth but giggles are escaping. He makes a few attempts to talk but is interrupted by snorts and giggles several times before any words come out*

Vash: I got it recorded!! I'm gonna annoy him with this for the next thirty years! Umph! I think I pulled a rib trying not to laugh! I'm dying! I gotta-I gotta go run around the block a few times before I explode! Love and peace, wormy! Say hi to your dog for me!

Wolfwood, indistinctly: Spiky?

Vash: Oh shooot-

*the video ends*

#trigun #a dozen sporks speaks #trigun modern au #trigun on the run au #running on vibes #trigun snippets #wolfwood every time he has to share a room with vash: screw saving money we're getting rooms on opposite sides of the building

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wolfstarhaven · 11 months

Text

NATURE THEMED RECS🌿

Summer’s here, but I’m poor and stuck in the city. So, I wanna rec some fics that make me feel….nature-y. You know what I mean, now let’s go!

Beneath a Big Blue Sky, by eyra (69k)

Sirius and James accidentally find themselves on a Yorkshire farm during lambing season. The farmer’s son thinks that’s a bit annoying, actually.

Eyra needs to be put first on this list, cause they’re most definitely the king of the nature-vibe. Always beautiful descriptions of nature, always. Go read everything they’ve written! You will fall in love with Yorkshire, trust me.

the private kind of purple, by greenscape (6k)

Post-grad summer. They are reaching for things they cannot name.

Or, it's four days out of Hogwarts and Sirius and Remus go wild camping in Scotland.

Beautifully written and slightly angsty—a perfect read for a rainy summer’s day!

How Fragile We Are, Between the Few Good Moments, by emergencymanagement (24k)

By the time it’s dark, there’s a fire crackling before them. The tent is set up. There are two chairs propped up by the fire. They have cooked and eaten dinner, and they are sitting in silence. It reminds Sirius of the dinners at home after he got sorted into Gryffindor, or after his mother found the letters from his friends, or lately, whenever he dares to show his face around the house at all. What lives in that space isn’t actually silence. Silence is absence. This thing that hangs between him and his mother, now between him and Remus, is the presence of something suffocating and cutting. It doesn’t serve as a placeholder for noise, it serves as a punishment. It cleaves him to the bone, flays him until he wants to cry. The soft, knotting feeling in his chest he feels when he wants to let tears out but can’t is rising in him. Sirius doesn’t know how to kill it except to hiss, “Well if you’re mad at me just fucking say so.”

Oh I love this so much!! It’s post-The Prank, and it’s done beautifully. It’s angsty, Remus is angry and the first war is coming ever closer. Also, it’s wonderfully written, making the Welsh nature feel almost dreamlike. It’s beautiful!

Highland Fling [+podfic], by picascribit (38k)

2004: The summer before college, Sirius goes backpacking through Scotland in order to escape his family's expectations. In a small village in the Highlands, an unexpected flirtation turns his whole world upside down. Alternately, the story of how Scotland loves Remus and wants him to be happy.

I read this a loooong time ago, but I still remember how this fic made me wanna visit the Scottish highlands. I also remember that this was a bit too smutty for me back then….perhaps it’s time for a reread.

Harmonicas, Hinky-punks, and Heather, by mblematic (24k)

Sirius and Remus get stranded in Scotland on Order business, and decide to walk to Hogwarts. Featuring the Brontës, a harmonica, a shrinking tent, and some self-discovery.

Once again: camping in Scotland, but this time with absolutely no angst! This fic is sweet and funny through and through!

Out There, by halictus (21k)

Sirius has to go backpacking to fulfill a college graduation requirement. He is comfortable in his own skin, he has friends, he has passions. But he's still learning how to fit himself into loosely-defined spaces. Remus is a graduate student leading the trip. He loves nature, and backpacking, and being outside, and smiling, and having lots of energy. They both have some learning to do—not necessarily tactfully.

Here you have some hiking, but on the other side of the Atlantic! Camping, skinny dipping and thunderstorms—and some strangers to lovers!

The Predatory Wasp, by munacy (23k)

Remus continues, “Alright then...of the survivors...I would marry Wormy.” Peter lets out an elated squeal. “I know for a fact that he can cook really well, he’s quite easygoing, and he’d make a wonderful little spoon for cuddling,” Remus winks cheekily at him. “Recipe for domestic bliss.”

“Aw, Moony, you’re lovely, aren’t you?” says Peter as Sirius mimes throwing up. Remus smiles, then blurts: “And lastly, well, I really want to shag Sirius, for obvious reasons.”

Everyone freezes.

What, Remus thinks faintly, in the ever-loving fuck?

This is so funny, and the nature-vibe immaculate! Features: camping, gay panic, James being lovely, and quite a lot of Walt Whitman poetry.

Go East [+Podfic], by xinasvoice (84k)

Remus has been running for a long time. Eventually, he runs into a strange castle built by a wizard and his young apprentice. The longer he stays, the more secrets he uncovers...and the less he wants to leave.

This is a novel-length adventure story that loosely follows the plot of Howl's Moving Castle. It does not require knowledge of the HMC book or movie to enjoy it.

This features nature of the more magical kind, but oh my does it do it well. The magical world building in this is INCREDIBLE! And the plot??? Amazing! Even if you’ve seen Howl’s Moving Castle, you’ll be surprised. The story is just amazing. Also, if you haven’t already, you really should listen to the Podfic—it’s really really good quality!

Do you have any nature-y fics that I’ve missed? Please rec them to me!!

xx Elliot

#wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #harry potter #remus x sirius #nature

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ronearoundblindly · 2 years

Text

Fools Rush In (Oct 28th)

Flufftober Day Twenty-Eight-- picnic

drabble for steve rogers x wife!reader (series)

no warnings, just fluffy WC 688

“Joseph—“ you rummage farther into the book bag “—James Rogers, where is your inhaler? You know you aren’t supposed to leave without it.”

Little bud doesn’t seem to care as he squats, engrossed by the body movements of an earthworm in the dirt at the tree line of the river.

Steve huffs out a laugh. “I put the spare in the basket,” he leans in to whisper.

You can’t help but give him the ‘that’s not the point’ eyes.

“Well, thank goodness I keep an epipen in here anyway.” You shield your eyes in the sunlight, full and almost satisfied after a lovely picnic with your family. You decide to quit fussing for a minute, taking in the sights and sounds of your happy husband and giggling son on this final day before JJ goes to preschool.

Steve smiles at you, bright and beautiful, golden in the rays. “He’ll be fine, love.”

“Mommy,” your boy yells, rushing over with a heaping pile of soil in his hand, not just the worm. “Look!”

“Ooooo. Wow, bud. Can you do that dance?” You tickle his side. “Maybe that’s why we call you wiggle worm, huh?” Another tickle has JJ dropping the dirt on your lap and laughing.

Steve reaches over to pluck the worm and its cousin off your skirt and delivers them to safety behind him. He jumps up onto his feet. “Right. Should we show Mommy your wiggle worm dance?”

He laces two fingers into JJ’s tiny hands to raise his arms up and wobble the boy forward and backwards.

“Like this?”

JJ nearly dissolves in giggles, body morphing to jello against his father’s grip.

“What about this?” Steve dances JJ from side to side instead.

You latch your tickle fingers to your son’s tummy again. “I don’t know, not wormy enough.”

JJ lifts his legs up, and you’re careful to stop there to avoid an asthma attack. He’s just so darn cute when he’s this happy—Steve and JJ both. You try not to get misty-eyed for the second time today, thinking about the long hours your son will be in school, coupled with the few more you’ll be at work.

Steve hefts the boy’s skinny body up into the air, swinging him high. Maybe JJ isn’t gifted with strength from the serum, but he’s happy and healthy enough. Steve worries, you know, because he remembers all the time his own mother spent caring for his many ailments, but as you’ve assured many times, some things are just part of life. We can’t all be super, Sketch.

“Let’s help Mom pack up, ok? Then we can watch a movie tonight. How’s that sound?”

You waggle a finger. “Uh-uhn, boys, not with those dirty hands.” It’s basically 'peel up the blanket and toss it in the bag' anyway. No big deal. “You two head back and wash up. Pick out the movie—“

“ALADDIN,” JJ shrieks.

“Big surprise there,” Steve mutters.

“Aladdin it is, then. You know—“ you lift up without planting your palms in the dirt “—maybe one day you’ll meet Mommy’s friend, Michael, because he’s got blue skin, too. How’s that sound?”

“Yay!!!”

Steve face falls, and you barely suppress your own laugh. Teasing him over his one jealous outburst in nearly a decade is just way too fun to pass up.

You stick out your tongue in mockery, and Steve tries to swoop in to kiss you while it’s still poking out. He doesn’t quite make it, but the kiss is nice enough. He’s a good sport.

“Daddy, pick me up. I want a ride.”

Steve immediately obeys, adjusting JJ’s legs around his neck until settled.

“Again,” he turns back to you, “big surprise.”

“Oh yes, he’s an enigma, that one…”

Steve makes JJ wave from ‘all the way up there’ and say he loves you, and maybe your kid is still young enough to not completely comprehend, but you feel truly loved when both your boys look at you, framed by the light of late afternoon glistening off the Hudson.

It’s the same as everything with Steve has been: not perfect but still absolutely perfect.

divider by @silkholland, challenge details @flufftober

[Day Twenty-Seven, Day Twenty-Nine]

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

@im-a-slut-for-fluff @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @fangirl-swagg @georgeweaslysgirl @austynparksandpizza @bucky-fricking-barnes-reads @fallinallinmendes

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havin-fun-imagining-twd · 1 year

Text

The first Christmas “without,” Pt. 2

Happy Candlemas! Here’s Part 2, and remember, you can still technically say Merry Christmas until 11:59/23:59 tonight

When - Part 1 was 35ish minutes after A fu---n’ great Christmas, which takes place in between season 2 and 3. Part 2 is approximately 3 minutes after Part 1 ends. We’ve made a brief time skip from souls stripped bare.

What - the first major holiday without loved ones is hard. The first major holiday without loved ones because one of your loved ones was killed by another loved one is somewhat harder. (for those who are newer Slowpokes, Shane was your older brother)

**Note that some plot points haven’t actually been published yet, they are merely discussed or alluded to because the series is non linear**

Relationships - slow burn Daryl x Reader always, therefore you’re still snuggled in the mangy hick’s poncho and wishing your crush away, but this chapter was focused more on the found-family aspect of the series. Part 2 specifically deals with your familial relationship with Rick -- and how much hurt and anger you’re still working through after what happened with Shane.

Perspective - 2nd person You, 3rd Him (Daryl)

Pronouns? - they/them

TWs? - some foul language, memories about the farm getting overrun (without gore), anger over a family member being killed by another family member, discussion of grieving, and more of my dumb using-dreams-to-relay-past-events as found in That mangy hick!

Word count - longer than Part 1, but if you read both together, do set aside some downtime and get comfy and snuggly in something cozy. Dare I say, in a poncho, perhaps?

What stories to read or reread - “All of them!” the author cackles Part 1, of course, A fu--in’ great Christmas, The Chicken Swim, Too much thinking before bed, Part 2 and Ain’t nothing... are the ones most pertinent to this chapter.

Check out the Masterlist, slowpoke, it’s got all the published chapters and reader requests :)

.........................

3 minutes later, after discussing a possible chicken swim/penguin plunge with Glenn before you left him to the music and walked back alone slowly

Okay, maybe remembering your chicken swim with Amy, when Shane so diligently stood watch from the shore with a canoe at the ready (and Daryl saw you swim in a t-shirt, shorts, and socks), maybe remembering that put you back at square one, because before you know it, the pendant is in your hands again.

You just feel so off.

T-Dog and Carol are sitting at the fire outside now. Aw, T-Dog took off his Santa hat. He’s still in the red Dawgs shirt Daryl gave him, though.

As you rub the ‘22’ between your fingers and over your lips, you greet the two of them with a (yawn and a) “Hey y’all, how’s the turkey going?”

Carol waves her fingers and smiles.

Ooh yummy, what are they making? They seem to be mixing…you aren’t sure what in the bowl, but it’s mushy. Boiled and mashed tubers, maybe? If so, that’s good, Carol has been craving starch like it’s nobody’s business.

“Hershel’s almost done with his tea, then he’ll use that meter thingy,” she lets you know, right before T-Dog teases, “Glenn’s and your bickering about him again was a fun surprise.”

He gets a mildly British-sounding response out of you. “Yes, we had a lovely time.”

“Who won this round?” he chuckles. “I asked Glenn already, but wanna to compare your answers.”

“Neither of us.” Well, come to think of it, “Mr. Greene.”

“Ha! See that, Carol? Same answer, I gotta tell Hersh about this, just a sec.”

While he pokes his head into the little building and announces his findings, you sigh at Carol. That’s when you notice that there’s…no turkey in sight. Which is a little concerning, where’d it go?

Oh no, it wasn’t all wormy, right?

You stare into space as you rub, rub, rub the pendant. Well, the smaller cooler is kinda sitting on the ground in the middle of everything, so you use that as your chair.

“The meat’s brining in there, if you’re wondering,” Carol explains.

Ah, got it. Phew.

She yawns as she goes into it a little more. “We don’t want a repeat of that wild turkey we had what, about a month ago at this point? Oh my—at Thanksgiving. Golly, I forgot about Thanksgiving,” she mumbles to herself.

“There was no fat on the poor, sad thing. Nasty,” T-Dog narrates, catching her yawn on his way back with a dishtowel, and covering the bowl of mushy stuff with it. “Though, we did a fair job on it, gotta say.”

You nod. You’d actually really enjoyed it, but maybe that’s because you were really hungry? Ah, and you’ve caught the yawn, now. Yawns really are contagious.

Carol and him keep chatting. “Mmhm, very little fat, and that was a month ago. Having one now, this late in the season—”

“—Could be even more nasty, we gotta be extra careful,” T-Dog finishes for her. “Y’all caught a big boy, though,” he says to you, “this guy was plump. I have a good feelin’ about him.”

Nodding away, Carol starts talking about how “My great aunts and my meemaw knew how to cook it well. When I was a girl, that’s what we ate at Thanksgiving and Easter.”

“Thank the Lord I was a city boy,” he announces, cracking up. “We had good stuff like glazed ham, mm, I didn’t have to eat none of that wild, gamey turkey.”

“They’d make four different types of gravy to go with our wild turkey.”

“Four? You’re gonna make my stomach growl even louder, now, Carol. Y/N, the woman is trying to torture me, I know it.” T-Dog is even more adorable when he’s crushing on someone, hot damn. He’s a tad too old for you personally, but everybody here knows you think he’s a catch. Probably even him, if you’re being frank. “My uncle, he had this recipe for cornmeal gravy—outta this world. You and I should have a gravy-off, get some heft back on our people’s bones.”

She tilts her head in consideration but looks hesitant before asking, “Should I try and send the six of you out on a supply run for some grease and flour?”

You’d be down. “I’d be down.” If anything but to stop Carl, Beth, and Lori from losing any more weight. Oh Moses, wait up —“If we find cornmeal, is there a way to make hushpuppies?”

“Find more oil, I’ll try,” Carol is quick to offer, yawning again. “Are you gonna head to the cars for a nap? I know I’m going to once the cooki—um, what’s in the bowl, once these are done.”

T-Dog just snickers. “Same, we all need more sleep after last night. So, Y/N,” he turns to you, “everytime we talk about food, it’s the hushpuppies, gummy sharks, that puffcorn stuff, or applesauce for you. Or Indian food. Or bananas. Oh right, or peanut butter tomato sandwiches.”

Carol groaned with you when he said the last one; you’re both fans of those and you’re both belly-aching for some food.

“I crave what I crave, Teddy.”

“Plus catfish nuggets, am I wrong?” he guffaws (yes, ‘guffaws’).

“…To go with the hushies.”

“And cheesy curls, can’t forget. Oh, and corn dogs—you got a corn thing, don’t you?”

Which is entirely true, but you’d also go for a plain, grilled hot dog, oh my gosh. “Been hungry, Breakfast King,” you snark back.

He cracks up and holds his hands open. “I earned that title. I made the best eggs y’all ever had that day, powdered or otherwise, admit it. The grits were creamy and lush, go on. Whoever stocked the CDC knew to get clarified butter down there, made all the difference.” He puffs out his chest slightly. “But I coulda swung it outta the park even without.”

You share a nod with Carol as your fingers grasp the pendant again. “It was best breakfast I’d ever eaten.” All true. Objectively, food-wise.

After about two months with no cheese or much food-food, given the supply chain issues due to the world effectively collapsing, the spread T-Dog made for breakfast at the CDC was heavenly. Would’ve been really good even during the before-times. How he got those powdered eggs to taste so fresh, you don’t know.

Those not so good memories, however, are really poking a stick in the gears, though. You can faintly hear the tink, tink, tink of your chain as you pull the pendant back and forth, back and forth. An uneasy, sick feeling twists in your belly when you remember it.

It was a barely two hours after breakfast when you’d all nearly died and Jacqui and Dr. Jenner committed suicide. Then about two months later, you’d finally learned why Shane had broken down wailing and Lori had looked shell shocked and scared the night before.

Shane wasn’t really one to get drunk, yet he had that night. He was going a little crazy, you guess, and things had been, um…

Your brother wasn’t a bad person, he wasn’t. He just lost himself and thought he couldn’t come back.

But when Shane spilled to you that awful night at Hershel’s farm what he’d started blindly trying to do to Lori at the CDC, your first reaction came from deep within. You didn’t see a man you recognized, and you thought you hated the man you did see. You may have actually hated Shane for a short while. Almost as much as you hated Rick when you knew for certain that he’d killed him.

“Careful not to break the chain,” Carol gently murmurs, perking you out of it.

Shoot, you’d been doing the tuggy pully thing again. Sometimes, when you start thinking about what happened, you end up squeezing and rubbing Shane’s ‘22’ pendant too hard when you tug and pull it back and forth.

Okay yeah, you’re falling hard back into that intense anger about what happened, it’s not good. You cannot sink back down into that unhappy, unhealthy place.

And you really don’t want to break the chain, so: you ignore your growing frustration that you can’t just get over it already, then imagine a stupid tea kettle being taken off the stupid burner before thinking your stupid mantra again.

…I don’t hate Rick…I don’t hate Rick, I love him, I love my Rick, Rick is my brother…you love him, Y/N, you don’t hate him…you don’t hate Shane, either…now take the kettle off the burner…you don’t hate either of them…you don’t hate Rick…it’s okay if you want to cry, just remember that you don’t hate Rick, you love Rick…

“Hey guys,” Glenn calls over, further helping you snap back to reality. Maggie’s hand in his, he returns the music player and thanks you. “Gonna crash for a little while in the Chevy, I think.”

With a slow exhale, you bring yourself back to whatever the heck was going on before this, something to do with food, right?

Right, yeah, breakfast at the CDC.

It’s true, T-Dog had indeed made bananas-good food the morning at the CDC. And that was with a total lack of (actual bananas, and) potatoes, sausage (therefore gravy), fresh cheese, you could go on for a while.

“Man, the things I’d do for some eggs,” you hear him groan. You turn to see him quickly look away from you.

Ah, you’d though the delivery sounded a touch too emphatic; T-Dog was putting on extra in trying to revert your attention back to lighthearted stuff. Guess your internal mantra-break was noticeable. Also, that darn tuggy pully thing.

Whatever, he’s distracting you with all his food talk because he cares. “Scrambled eggs,” he details, “with sautéed onions and pimento cheese, and bacon or chorizo, obviously. Buttered marble rye, fluffy biscuits with some white gravy. Hashbrowns…”

You peek over at Carol. Her cravings are usually for potatoes, overcooked macaroni salad, or anything from Waffle House. The woman just wants some starch and to not have to cook, dude.

Last night, that 16oz can of potatoes she’d used with Christmas Eve dinner had been *heaven* for her. The sharing of it, however, that part was more like ‘purgatory,’ so she joked in the car late last night after you’d all escaped the herd.

She looks wistful for a moment, then says to T-Dog, “Other than you and Rick, everyone here knows what leaves and stalks to look for. We’re bound to come across some potato plants in a backyard garden one of these days.”

“And I will make you hashbrowns to die for.”

Carol cringes in her shy, polite way. He’d chosen the wrong descriptive verb choice. “Maybe not that good, T-Dog.”

“Aw man, uh, hashbrowns to ‘cry over,’” he rephrases it. “Hold up — we could do a hashbrown bowl like at Waffle House!”

Now she’s got on her shy, dainty smile. “Perfect.”

T-Dog then turns his gaze over to you. “Now, Y/N, Rick’s coming back with Daryl.”

Ugh, please not now, Teddy.

You know what he’s gonna suggest, and you don’t want to. You did your mantra thing, that’s plenty.

I don’t hate Rick, I don’t hate Rick, I don’t hate Rick, I love Rick…

“Go over there and remind yourself you don’t hate him,” he directs.

Which you deflect with a lame, “Daryl don’t prefer hugs.”

Which in turn, earns you a look. “You know who I mean,” T-Dog tuts. “Hug your brother — and don’t go telling me he ain’t your real brother, I know full well you was raised not caring about that stuff and that it don’t matter these days anyhow. Now go on, go hug him, or something.” He sighs and gestures to you. It’s much less stern when he next says, “I think the holiday is starting to get to you. And you’ve got somethin’ particular going on.”

Yeah, yeah, the first holiday ‘without,’ you get it.

But apparently you must have huffed out loud, because T-Dog next hums nuh-uh and cautions, “Don’t you go getting huffy at me, now, troublemaker.”

“We had Thanksgiving, that was a major holiday.”

“Wasn’t the same, you were completely focused on Hershel then.”

Okay, fair, but, “Okay fair, but we’re all having the first Christmas w-with-wi—” it takes you a few times with your fucking stress stutter, “—without a bunch of loved ones, I ain’t special.”

Sure, Glenn got a little testy and had a good cry, but he’s still chill. Carol’s not acting like a baby about her first Christmas without her daughter, and T-Dog himself isn’t acting like a baby about having no one he knew before the outbreaks.

So why is he acting like you’ve got something ‘particular going on’ today? Are you that fragile? You were having a (fuckin’) great Christmas, Daryl even said it!

Yet, as vulnerable and therefore mad about it as you feel, you can’t stay upset.

Not after the way Teddy so plainly but delicately points out, “Our situations are different.”

It stops you in your tracks and makes fact that he was once an intimidating defensive back and occasional running back for the Bulldogs seem unbelievable. You also begin to feel less…ashamed, that you’re still so fucking broken after what happened. The situation with Shane is different.

…I don’t hate Rick, I don’t hate Rick, I don’t hate Shane, I love them both, please help me remember that I’m just angry again right now, I don’t really hate Rick, I love him so much…

You’re back to fiddling with the ‘22’ pendant, but it’s cool, you aren’t tugging on the chain this time.

“Go on, or I’ll make you two wear a get-along shirt,” Carol prompts. “Oh, and don’t mention the cookie batter, T-Dog, Beth and I want to keep it a surprise.”

“The what, now?” ......................

Him

Y/N is walking over.

That they’re wearing the hat he gave them made him wanna stand taller, and that they’re still in his poncho made him feel warm. It was a warmth unrelated to the fact that they’d switched coats earlier today.

Weird thing is, Y/N seemed cozier in his poncho underneath their zip-up hoodie than they’d seemed in their own oversized, old, woolly, fluff-lined jacket. It didn’t make much sense to him, but his poncho was pretty sweet and it reached longer down Y/N’s body, which would keep their butt warm and all that.

Y/N’s coat is nice. Old, but that made it better. Except, when Rick saw him wearing the coat, he’d frozen like he’d seen a ghost then got this glazed kinda look in his eyes.

Seeing the jacket on somebody who filled it out properly was prolly what done it. It, um, originally it had been Y/N and Shane’s dad’s jacket. After their dad died, maybe 16ish years ago, their ma would wear it around to remember him, then Shane started wearing it as his coat. So really, it was Shane’s for all those years.

Yeah, the coat has some baggage. Comfy though.

“It’s a good jacket,” was all Rick said before he blinked a few times and lead him on a short walk to discuss the food and security brief he had with T-Dog, Glenn, and Maggie earlier. He and Y/N missed the info when they were hunting that turkey.

Maybe it helped Rick zen out about food a little when Daryl ripped up some cattail tubers they passed. Carol really misses potatoes, and those roots are real starchy, so it’ll be close enough. It was one of the first things that crossed his mind when they got here last night and he saw the small lake.

“What roots are those?” Y/N calls to him, pointing.

Hey—what happened? Y/N looks like the wind got knocked out of them, they don’t look cheerful and happy at all. He’d only been with them around the fire like an hour ago, things were fine.

Is Hershel good? Did Y/N fight with Glenn agai—oh, never mind, got it; Shane’s chain is sticking out of their hoodie. They fidget with it more when they’re upset, usually when thinking about their dead brother and shit.

They’ve been doing pretty okay, so, dunno, maybe it’s just the holiday getting to them.

“Cattail,” he lets them know.

That nice feeling tickles his chest again when, with their mouth opens in recognition and a much happier look spreads on their face. They point at the tubers. “That’s the one we can use like a potato, then?”

He just smiles and nods; they’re on the same wavelength as him on this one, point proven when they look back at the fire for a sec before grinning and resting their hands on their hips. “Teddy said he’d make her hashbrowns, and we got enough oil and salt for those, some leftover flour if need be.” Their gaze switches to Rick. “Are there any other ingredients we’ll need for hashbrowns?”

Were they uncomfortable when they asked him that, or was that just his imagination?

Also, why would they ask Rick? Everybody knows how to make a hashbrown, it’s a cut-up potato fried in a pan.

“Lore sometimes made them on Pancake Sundays,” Rick offered.

That’s gotta be an inside joke because next, them and Rick start to crack up.

Scrunching their nose, Y/N giggles (and seems genuine about it). “Ain’t her fault her grandma had two terrible pancake recipes.”

“She didn’t have to follow the recipes every Sunday.”

“Especially buckwheat ones, oh, they were like dry little penances, Daryl,” Y/N fills him in, “he’s not full-wrong.” Turning back to Rick, they seem uncomfortable again when they say, “I’m gonna go crash for a bit before choring, but um, let’s listen to music together soon. It’ll be nice to do it at the lakeside.” An awkward kind of pause follows, then they go, “Hey, um, I never had hashbrowns at your place, were they, um, were they, w-were they good?”

“I mean, compared to the pancakes…” Rick trails off. He looks uncomfortable, too, but he’s trying to keep the joke going.

But Y/N must not like all the teasing about Lori’s cooking or whatever, because they stop looking as amused when they slowly repeat “Ricky, were they good?”

It looks like his head is getting heavy to hold up, the way it’s drooping some. He gives Y/N a sad kind of smile, the way people do when they’re apologizing. “Carl, Lore and I would eat the whole plate.”

.......................

You

Fine, maybe T-Dog is right. The day is getting to you maybe just possibly a pinch.

As you stomp over to the cars, you look back at T-Dog at the fireside and hold up a thumb with one hand and lift the other open-palmed to ask him if he was satisfied or not.

He makes no gesture back at first, then makes a shrug and holds his thumb up.

Whatever. You throw open the door to the backseat of the Dodge, hop in, position the bright blue scarf into the door and yank it shut to show that you’re in there, then tuck yourself into the blanket and burrow into your pillow.

You love your stupid brother (yes, the one named Rick) so much, and-and things have been fine!

Of course it would be on Christmas that you’d be acting like a little idiot bitch…but making fun of a spouse’s cooking isn’t your brand of humor, either, that was kind of a dick move from the dicktator.

Ricky-dicky doo, Ricky-pricky poo, Rickety-doo-dah…

Oh, right, um—when the bad things happened, you’d gone full postal, blindly wandered away, and got drunk for the first time. You’d started chanting something along those lines, then you’d made new lyrics to that ancient Disney song. Ridiculous and immature? Yes, but you were in a truly bad place.

Though, you are secretly proud of one insult you’d made after your world had gone blank: “Three cheers for Rick, putting the ‘dick’ in dictator!”

By God above, you’d thought that you’d hated him so much.

Well, really it’s only T-Dog who’s of the mind that you didn’t actually hate him; you know that you did.

You have to adjust the pillow and flip to your back instead of your side. With the heel of your boot you then tap the lock shut for some ensured privacy, in case they don’t notice the bright blue warning scarf.

Hershel and Lori get it. Hershel simply reminds you about “mercy,” reminds you that you don’t hate Rick anymore, and will say a prayer. Lori encourages you to spend time together with him or more time with Carl.

You wish Dale were still here, and remember that you need to wind his watch and pray the “kad-ish” for him today. Dale would know what to say and do, could teach you how to get a grip. Heck, maybe the fact that he’d just died back when it all happened had been a catalyst for how deep you’d dived.

It had been so bad at first. Your hatred and all that dark stuff had been so thorough and you’d felt so completely empty and lost that you’d…

…you’d left the group.

You’d left your Carl. It was that fucking complete.

That bad, bad night, you’d attacked Rick, insulted him, threatened him. The others had to take your weapons away, they’d also had to restrain you, a lot. Something in you just fucking snapped when you knew what Rick did to your brother. To his own brother.

And you’d been hoping he’d off you, too, but he didn’t. Didn’t pull his gun or his knife, even with your encouragements.

Then you accidentally broke him. That’s the term you think best describes what he looked like. It was like a short-circuit.

All it took was three words, “So was he.”

He’d been trying to tell you that he was still your brother, he still loved you. Each response you made to him was simple enough, but each somehow acted like a tranq dart.

Maybe it’s because you’re so tired, but you can call to mind so vividly how words couldn’t seem to formulate in your head when you managed to utter “So was he.” Then the way your breathing had sped up and your voice started shaking and getting louder when you pushed back more against what he was saying with “So did he,” and how quickly it was followed by your stuttered, “Oh Ricky, s-so did I. I loved you so much...”

And the final phrase, basic as it was, it wasn’t screamed or cursed, the “I hate you.” Those words stunned you when you thought them, they confounded you as you spoke them.

Okay, pump the brakes a sec. Did you just think the word “confounded” to describe how you’d felt?

Are you writing an English essay? Lol, take a breather, dude. You need to stop thinking about that night and get some rest, you’ll feel much better. “Confounded.” At least you’re smiling in embarrassment now.

Time to relax. You tighten all the muscles you can think of, then relax them. Tighten all your muscles, slowly, slowly, then relax. Tighten, relax.

You pray for strength and all that stuff while trying to picture happy things. Like when those two bunnies scurried past Daryl and you on a hunt and he didn’t notice them. When Carl woke up after his surgery. When Amy and you did the chicken swim. When Shane — no, no, this isn’t a happy memory, shit, no, this is when you saw who what was once Shane stand up — you can’t seem to shift away from the memory!

You didn’t know what was wrong at first. You’d seen Shane’s expression and assumed he’d gotten sacked in the jaw. Then you saw the color of his eyes. Even from the distance, it was plain as day that they weren’t his dark brown ones. They were those strange, terrible, light milky blue ones.

He’d turned.

To call out to Rick so that he could defend himself didn’t compute at the time; you’d forgotten about breathing never mind shouting. You simply stared as Shane your brother’s body reached and prowled toward Rick as you clung to Carl’s shirt so he wouldn’t leave your sight.

In your side vision, you noticed your nephew drawing his gun, and thankfully there was enough rattling around in your brain that you knew to unclasp your hand from the death grip you’d had on his shirt so you could guide and steady his aim. That way it would be less likely for Rick to accidentally get injured when Carl and you put down your brother’s body.

The memory of the loud pop of the handgun and the slight recoil makes your hands twitch — oh, thank God! You’re staring at the car’s ceiling.

You’re awake, it was just a dream. Explains why it all got so vivid, ugh, thank God.

Okay, happy thoughts, happy thoughts, good memories…

Holding your newborn niece for the first time while your brother-in-law cradled your middle sister in his arms. Mama squeaking when the new chicks hatched because they were so small and sweet. That time Shane and you were given all of the leftover catfish and hushpuppies free of charge from your local spot at 11:08pm because you’d both had very bad days.

Shane...

The scene changes. You’re not in his Jeep outside the catfish joint anymore, you’re looking at his corpse. Ugh, that revolting word. ‘Corpse.’

You’re staring at the stab wound. You didn’t recognize it as such back then, what would you know about differentiating that stuff? You figured it was a clean bite or whatever the fuck — you don’t know, you’d been numb. You’d been confused. The things that Shane had been saying earlier that night, they didn’t make sense. And you’d heard raised voices before you (and Carl) had found your brother’s corpse rising up and making for Rick.

Little doubts and red flags and warnings had started to gather to whiz around your head like flies on roadkill as you stared at the wound and his body, it was a disgusting mess in your mind.

Then, the only word that really stuck out in it was the word ‘shovels.’

Shovels were what you needed. To bury the dead, that’s what was needed.

Carl, you, and that murderer your brother? Rick were trudging back to the farm. You’d needed to find the shovels to bury Shane and you’d needed to get Carl back to his mama.

Except, then the herd came shuffling across the fields and slowly mowed through the livestock fencing.

You know you’re asleep, but you can’t really wake up right now. But, the walkers in the distance quickly disappear in your mind’s eye because you smell...smoke?

The barn is on fire. The barn, there’s smoke coming from the barn, the barn is on fire!

Rick.

Rick had lit the damned barn on fire with him and Carl still in there after you’d sprinted back to the house to get the RV. The plan was you, as in you personally, would risk it and run and get them down from the hayloft by driving the RV. You were faster, and Rick was the better shot, so he’d stay with Carl and keep him alive, you’d sprint to get the RV. There was nothing about a goddamn fire, but Rick had the bright (no, pun not fucking intended) idea to set one.

So, Jimmy ended up driving, you were the spotter — shit.

Jimmy. That poor boy, that poor, sweet boy got rushed so goddamned fast, th-they just came plowing through the door when it should’ve been you! And there was no saving him, they’d gotten his neck first before ripping into the rest of him.

All you’d been able to do for that selfless, brave kid was stop his pain with a bul — WHOA, what the fu — okay, okay, you’re awake again!

You’re awake. Your heartbeat is trying to outrun itself, but you’re okay, you’re awake. You’d fallen asleep again, oh man...

Deep breaths, it was just a dream. Just another memory.

Your foot, it, um, it kicked the door when you jolted awake. The memory of pulling the trigger caused you to dream up a super loud pop in your ears and a realistic thud in your chest.

Objectively, it’s kinda cool how the brain can do that, but it’s really unpleasant when you are trying to rest and not break down or boil over on a major holiday.

You know what? You shouldn’t have been sleeping on your back, silly Y/N, it’s easier to get nightmares and sleep paralysis and stuff on one’s back.

New tactic: you’ll listen to songs that help you cry.

That’ll make you feel worse initially, but then much better! Glenn did it, he’s probably fine. You’ll let all the anger and hurt come up and flow out and away.

You shimmy the mp3 player from your pocket and queue up the remastered Mona Lisa, the song from The OC that played when Ryan’s mom left, then Dare You to Move and It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday (yes, you’re an embarrassment), then that opera one that your mama first heard in the romantic Italian movie about the Holocaust, and some sad Johnny Cash music from his older years. You’re not brave enough yet to listen to Going to California to calm down and feel better. Haven’t been since Shane was killed. Your dad had loved the song way too much for some reason, so your family loved it. Shane listened to it way too often.

There you go about Shane again, jeez. But it’s cool, it’s cool — let it all come up and flow out.

You turn to your side facing the seat and try falling asleep again, curled like a roll-up bug while the music softly plays.

It’s good that your stuff was shoved into the Dodge during the mad rush last night, because the Chevy was the truck you’d driven away in, that night escaping from the Greene’s farm. You wouldn’t want to be in that truck right now, it’s hard enough trying to not obsess over that night.

Maybe if you remember the good parts of that night? Rick had busted through that skylight thing in the RV the night the farm was overrun, after what you’d had to do for Jimmy.

Rick had busted through it, hopped down and got you out of there. He saved you.

Once out of there, you’d glued yourself to Carl’s side, rescued Hershel, then all clambered into the red Chevy and floored it.

Come morning, the survivors all found each other at the highway.

Felt like a miracle; you still had a family, still had people.

Hell, you still had all your stuff; it was packed in the Hyundai that Glenn and Maggie got away in because you and Shane were supposed to...

...you were supposed to leave for a while, let things blow over. Help Shane come back to himself, remember his goodness. No one was past redemption.

…I love Rick, I love Shane, I love Rick, I don’t hate Rick, I don’t hate him, I love him, I love Rick, I love Shane…

Jimmy and Shane you already knew were gone, when the group found each other. It was bad enough letting Beth and Hershel know about him, but least you didn’t have to tell Jimmy’s mother what happened and how you couldn’t save her child. You see, Patricia didn’t make it, either.

Neither did Andrea, which — okay, you still can’t shake the notion that you’d seen her after she was supposed to have gotten killed. Maybe their time references were mixed up, but, it looked just like her and it hadn’t been moving like a walker, neither.

But, again, the memory situation is strange, you suppose. Clear as plastic wrap, yet messy, sort of like when the plastic wrap clings to itself.

The next afternoon, when Rick had walked off after telling all of you that you were infected, you hadn’t known that he admitted to Lori what he did to Shane right then and there.

Because, no, you’d immediately taken responsibility and done what needed doing, just like your brother would have, which was rounding up a group to get water, firewood, and something to eat.

You need water, warmth, food and wits to survive, so you desperately clung to whatever wits you still had and tried to ensure that there’d be water, warmth, and food.

As for that strange, cruel, awful, messy whispering you’d had in your head since the night before, that Rick somehow killed Shane? Because of the shouts and screams you’d heard, how Rick (and Shane’s body) looked like they’d been fighting, that Rick had blood all over his hand, how Shane’s wound looked so neat and clean compared to other bites, because of the strange things Shane was saying the last time you saw him?

Well, you’d shoved all that down and away and shamed yourself for thinking it because it was impossible.

It was your wits running away from you, not anything that could have been true. They were brothers. They were your brothers, and you had a damned job to do — doing something to keep who was still alive living, so to hell with all those awful red flags and questions in your head. Those questions were unfounded and stupid and wrong and impossible.

Which means, when Rick had that little outburst around the fire later that night…

Turns out, Shane had trained you very well how to fight. And how to fight multiple people off, including those who were bigger than you. It was quite the show, you imagine.

You still ended up restrained (you were too outnumbered) and thank God for it.

It was as if you’d turned into a rabid animal, you—you scared your Carl even more than he was already scared of his father, frightened Lori who was already frightened of her husband. Hell, you low-key terrified everybody, yourself included. All you saw was red, it was similar to that time you’d tried to beat up Ed Peletier, but amplified to eleven.

And yeah, you’d even left them that night. Your family.

A knot forms in your stomach when you acknowledge it, so you curl up tighter. That you’re crying harder now is good, soon you’ll have it all out.

Here you are still, with your family, and again, thank God for it. Your rage lessened, you’re healing bit by bit. Rick’s darkness lessened, he’s healing bit by bit.

Things got okay, and fairly fast, too.

You love him, you know that.

He loves you, you know that.

And as much as you can tell it rips him up inside even more, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still easy for anger and hurt and even something like hatred to cloud you sometimes.

Anyways, T-Dog was right, maybe you’re having some trouble because it’s the first Christmas “without.”

…………………………..

> Spend time and remember you love Rick in the next chapter here <

> Masterlist link here <

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