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d0wnb4df0rf1cm3n · 11 months

Text

don't give up on me.

Regulus Black x F!Reader

Summary: You're sick. Regulus knows that. But how can he convince you that you're worth saving?

Word Count: 6.5K

Warnings: IN DEPTH DISCUSSIONS OF EDS, WEIGHT LOSS, THROWING UP, FAINTING, HOSPITAL WING VISITS, ANY AND ALL ED-RELATED WARNINGS

AN: If this kind of content is triggering for you, PLEASE KEEP SCROLLING!!! nothing is more important to me than y'all keeping yourselves healthy - both mentally and physically! If this shit helps you then, here ya go :) (P.S. the summary is really bad sorry!!)

You ran back to the dorms, promising Pandora that you'd be back before breakfast. Lie.

Every day was pretty much the same: you weighed yourself on the muggle scale that you'd snuck into your bags behind your dad's back, and then based on that number, you'd eat. Or you wouldn't. It was easy to miss mealtimes - you'd make the excuse of needing to finish some homework or having forgotten something in the dorms. If you went to the hall during mealtimes, you'd put a little food on your plate and push it around to make it seem like you'd eaten loads when you hadn't touched anything at all.

If the number on the scale weren't acceptable to some extreme standard you'd set yourself to, then you'd spiral - only small amounts of food, you'd go on a run before dinner (strategically showing up late enough that there wouldn't be much left), calling yourself the worst names in the mirror.

It was a routine that you hated - you wanted to kick it, but you couldn't. It was a safety net. You needed control, and this was the only way to have it. It was your drug and you were dependent on it.

It had started as a need to look better, more like your sister. She was taller, skinnier, better at everything she did. You wanted that. So you started skipping meals, spending more time doing workouts - you'd bought one of those muggle aerobics DVDs, and you'd follow it almost every day. You lost a few kilograms in the first few weeks of summer, and the pride of achieving your goal outweighed the hunger pains and headaches. Your weight became an obsession to you and you weighed yourself after every meal and in the morning and night, and your diet to become healthier quickly became a desire to be smaller.

It didn't help that you remained invisible to everyone except your few Hogwarts friends. They owled you frequently, begging you to come up to London so you could spend time together, but you lived too far away for that to be possible. Your dad was busy all the time - it wasn't easy for him after the divorce - and your sister was busy with all her friends. They didn't like you very much, finding you odd as you went to school so far away. They left you alone for the most part - you only saw them when your sister agreed to drive you somewhere.

Not eating became natural after a while: the hunger pains stopped being painful, the headaches disappeared, and the desire to eat had all but disappeared. No one really noticed - you were pretty good at hiding your tricks - but your quickly shrinking body was noticeable. Your dad brought it up once, worried about how your clothes looked so big on your body: he offered to drive you to the doctors, wondering if being a wizard meant that you were more prone to getting sick. You shook your head, telling him that you were fine, but you made a mental reminder to buy much baggier clothes to hide the weight loss.

After that, you quickly went from loving your new body to despising it. You hid every inch of your skin even in the height of summer - hiding under baggy clothes, blankets, and behind pillows. You shoved your mirror to the back of your wardrobe.

By the time you went back to Hogwarts in September, your robes were far too big for you. You'd altered them sneakily: you kept the robes you had but they rested on your body better.

You'd avoided hugs from your friends, lying about an injured arm, but you'd happily reunited with them on the Hogwarts express. They all commented on how they were loving your new look - you smiled sadly at the reason. You remember getting off the train onto the platform - Regulus had helped you down from the train, gripping your hand tightly as you stepped off. As your friends dragged you away, you'd looked back at him. He'd looked almost concerned.

You came back to the Great Hall halfway through breakfast. You sat down with your friend, adjusting your collar where it was rubbing against your neck. You felt uncomfortable, almost like there was an emptiness in the back of your mind.

Pandora caught your eyes mouthing, are you ok? You nodded in response. You grabbed a glass of water and some fruit. Your throat was so dry and every single movement made you nauseous. It's fine, you told yourself, you can run it off before Charms. You're fine.

You were lying to yourself. You weren't okay, you had a problem and you knew it. But you couldn't pluck up the courage to go to Madam Pomfrey and get help. This was comfortable. You never wanted to go back to the way it was before - constantly hating your body for the way it looked in clothing, jealous of what others looked like. You'd take a few bad days like this over that.

You yawned. You were exhausted but your sleep wasn't restful or comfortable. Some parts of your body would always be sore when you woke up.

You felt someone move to sit next to you, and before you could turn to see who it was, they grabbed the apple out of your hand. You turned to protest, before seeing Regulus' pointed look and the knife in his hand. He began to cut up small slices and feed them to you, not giving you time to protest until the apple was finished and entirely consumed.

"Get a room lovebirds, someone from down the table called, but Regulus was quick to shoot them the finger. You smiled at that and Regulus let out a breath at the sight of it.

"It's nice to see you smile, canari. You don't seem to do it as much anymore," He said lowly, making sure his voice was only for you.

You pat his shoulder to reassure him, trying to hide your panicked mind behind gentle touches. He smiled at you before standing up to leave. He offered you a hand, which you gratefully took, and you both headed towards Defense Against the Dark Arts - your first lesson of the day.

That night, you had been planning on skipping dinner. You had convinced Pandora and Barty that you had an essay for Professor McGonagall that you hadn't even started, and they had believed you. They left you in the common room, promising to bring back one of your favourites - a Pumpkin Pasty. All was well.

You slipped out of your dorm room and down the stairs to the front door, heading out for a quick run.

"Where do you think you're going?" A voice cut through the cool air. You shut your eyes. Busted.

Regulus walked up to you, raising his eyebrows and waiting for an answer. "Tell me, Reggie, does growing up rich make you so entitled or are you just naturally a pompous ass?"

He laughed, throwing his head back, and grabbing your hand, "I'm going to let it go because you haven't eaten anything and you're probably hangry." He dragged you down to the Great Hall, even as you dragged your feet.

He pulled you in and sat you down by his side, piling your plate high with all the foods he knew were your favourite. If your anxiety wasn't spiraling, you would be touched that Regulus knew exactly what you liked and what you didn't.

People were sat all around the table, making small talk and eating. You took deep breaths as nonchalantly as you could, cutting up the food Regulus had piled on your plate. You didn’t want to draw any attention to yourself. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem - you’d have a few days of no one noticing you skipping meals, then you could comfortably eat dinner with no worries. You could prepare for that. But, after breakfast this morning was sprung on you, you didn’t think you should be eating this soon. I mean you had only just run off the apple you had for breakfast. How were you going to keep your weight down if you were gorging yourself on the most unhealthy food every minute of every day.

You tried to join in with the conversation every so often, pushing things around on your plate as you did so. You thought you were hiding it well, but you caught Regulus glancing at you in concern, every time you finished speaking.

Catching onto this habit, you worriedly stood up, grabbing your things and getting ready to go.

“Leaving again so early?” Barty asked, grabbing your wrist. He looked at the wrist almost concerned but you tugged your hand away. You looked around the table before your eyes landed on Regulus, concern filling his face.

You swallowed nervously, “Yeah, I'm going to head up to bed. Goodnight,” You stepped over the bench and left through one of the back doors. Regulus watched you leave. Something didn’t sit right with him.

As soon as you rounded the corner, you picked up the pace almost breaking into a jog. You made it down the stairs to the Slytherin common room, heart pounding in your chest and nearly threw yourself up the stairs to your dorm. You closed the door and locked yourself in the bathroom. You were usually methodical about this process, you had a system. But you were desperate at this point. You tied your hair up messily and filled up a hidden water bottle at the sink before chugging it and turning to the toilet.

Back in the Great Hall, Regulus decided that he was going to go check on you. He excused himself and bid everyone a good night - just like you had - before heading in the direction of the Slytherin dorm.

You were bent over the toilet, retching. You hated this so much. It didn’t feel good - it almost hurt - but you felt so relieved doing it. You couldn’t explain it. It was somehow the one thing that helped you feel better.

Regulus quickly made his way up the stairs to face your dorm. The stairs were enchanted to stop the boys from climbing up them, but Regulus was able to jump and skip a few steps to make it to the top. Nothing was going to stop him from getting to you. Not now.

Regulus knocked on your dorm door, to which he was met with silence. You couldn’t hear him. Not liking the feeling in his gut, he slowly pushed the door open. To his surprise, you weren’t there.

From the bathroom, he heard the faint sound of someone retching. Regulus furrowed his brows. You hadn't seemed sick this morning. Why didn’t you say something? You were going to go on a walk, for Merlin's sake! Closing the door behind him, he walked over to the bathroom door, pressing his ear to the door. That was definitely you retching. He knocked. You froze.

“Canari? Are you okay in there?” He asked, leaning against the door.

Shit.

You scrambled to get up, quickly flushing the toilet and washing your hands.

"Canari?"

You splashed your face with water before replying, “I’m fine, Reg.” You cursed yourself for the wavering in your voice.

You turned to the mirror - you were a mess, your tear-streaked face red and splotchy. You washed your face, trying to get rid of as much inflammation as you could.

You took a deep breath and leaned against the sink. How could you have been so stupid? How were you going to talk yourself out of this?

“Can you open the door, please?” Regulus said. He was half intending to break the door down, but he wouldn't violate you like that.

You sighed and opened the door with your head down. You tried to walk past Regulus, but he gently pulled you towards him, your head resting just over his heart. His finger tilted your face upwards, his eyes widening at your red eyes and face.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone you were sick?” he asked.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You tried to pry yourself away from him, but he wasn't letting you go so easily.

“You’re not fine if you’re throwing up. What's really going on?”

“It’s nothing. I had a stomach bug over the summer. Sometimes it acts up a little. It's fine. I'm fine.” you affirmed. Your solidness was almost more to convince yourself than him.

One look at Regulus told you he was not convinced. He pulled you back into his chest. "You sure that's all it is? You'll tell me if it gets worse?"

"Yeah, Reg, I'll tell you if it gets worse. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

"It's okay, Canari. As long as you are okay, it's okay."

You managed to avoid any more confrontations until Christmas. You decided to stay at school over the Christmas holidays, like you usually did, which meant no friends to worry about your ever-growing problem.

You woke up to a dry throat and a pounding headache. The usual. You coaxed your body into slumping out of bed and you brushed your teeth. God, you looked a mess. The dark circles under your eyes were prominent and your face was pale and gaunt. You almost looked like a skeleton.

The sun was pretty high in the sky - it was probably almost afternoon. Shit. How could you have slept half the day away? It's fine you'll just have to stay up later tonight to finish all your essays. You walked out into the dorm to be greeted with 4 other empty beds - everyone else had gone home for the holidays. You figured it was probably safer to stay at school than to go home looking so terrible.

Begrudgingly, you pulled on a pair of jeans and a Slytherin sweater you were almost sure wasn't yours, and slipped down to the common room. You'd left an essay for Professor Binns in front of the fireplace - you had rushed to the bathroom after Barty had practically force-fed you a few. You'd blamed it on the fact you got a dog food-flavoured one (you didn't - it was chocolate brownie, which was almost worse), but the side-long glance Regulus had given you made you retreat into your dorm room for the rest of the night.

Still, you needed to finish that essay and you headed down the steps, pausing halfway down to calm your racing heart. The common room was cold and empty - it usually was in the winter, given that most Slytherin students went home for the break. You shivered violently - the cold that nestled into your bones in early October had refused to leave. Now, without at least a jumper or two under your robes, you were constantly shivering.

You glanced at all the tables - there was no parchment or quills. There was no one still here that would want to steal your essay or your quills, so you were surprised to see all your stuff gone and the common room completely clean. You searched everywhere in case the house elves had moved it while cleaning, but you couldn't find it anywhere.

Tears started brimming in your eyes knowing that those were the only quills you had and there wasn't much chance that you could afford to buy a whole set of new ones and finish your essay before Christmas day.

"Good morning, Canari." You whirled around to see Regulus standing behind you, his obsidian-black suit perfectly ironed and immaculately clean. His hair was perfectly coiffed - as it usually was - and his face clean of the stubble you knew that he was able to grow. Not a hair out of place. Never a hair out of place. Why couldn't you be more like Regulus - perfect without trying. Skinny and pretty and fun to be around. Not always worrying about if you were trying too hard.

A lone tear slipped out of your eye and down your face. Regulus was there in an instant, his hands grasping your face, thumbs wiping away any tears.

"What's wrong, Canari? Why are you crying?" Regulus said, pulling you into his chest. You felt him stiffen against you, his fingers running over your protruding spine. But you nestled into his warmth, the chill in your bones just barely sated by his heat.

You looked up into his eyes, sniffling, "Someone took all my stuff."

"What?"

"I forgot my stuff down here last night - my essay for Binns and all my quills were on the table, but now they're gone," your breathing picked up as you began to panic, "And I can't afford to buy a whole new pack of quills, which means that I won't be able to finish any of my other essays and Professor McGona-"

"Canari. I have your stuff." Regulus interrupted, his arms running up and down your back, "It's okay. I took it to my dorm before I went to bed. Here." Regulus led you to the staircase leading up to his dorm and made you wait as he dashed upstairs and got your things. He handed them to you in a neat pile before leading you back to your dorm with his hand on your lower back. "Put your stuff away and then come down with me. Let's eat breakfast together."

Alarm bells started ringing in your head. Eat? Now? With so much to do? How could you waste your time? But you couldn't make Regulus more suspicious of your behaviour.

You head down to the Great Hall with him, pulling at your sleeves as he placed all manner of pies and treats on your plate. You felt nauseated by the smell alone.

It didn't skip your notice how Regulus looked at you as if you were going to break at any second. Hell, he probably thought you already had.

You turned the corner off the path to head into the Forbidden Forest. If any of the Professors found you out here they'd give you a detention. That coincidentally would mean that you missed dinner. Two birds, one stone.

You set off on your run, keeping to the border of the forbidden forest, but deep enough in that no one would be able to see you without looking. You kept a steady pace - you were used to this routine. If you overate, you'd run until you felt exhausted and then you'd slip back into the dorm and skip dinner.

Except the snow was never normally this heavy and with every breath you exhaled a puff of smoke left your lungs. The inhales were almost painful, the cold air rough on your fragile lungs. You could hear your heart pounding in your head and your ears were starting to ring but you ploughed on.

What a mistake that was. You feel your foot slipping before you can even grab onto something. The next thing you know everything was black.

Regulus was worried. He'd paid close attention to your ever-deteriorating health, and he was worried, to say the least. After you'd run from lunch with him and Barty, he'd followed you back to the dorm. You hadn't even noticed him trailing you as you almost ran back to the common room. You'd slammed your dorm door shut and hadn't left for hours. You'd finally left when you thought no one was in the common room, dressed in some sweatpants and a jumper that was far too thin for this ghastly weather. He'd grabbed his own coat and a spare jacket for you, before following you through the hallways. He'd contemplated calling your name once, but clearly, there was something going on. And Regulus wanted to know what.

You'd slipped out of one of the doors to the courtyard and set off on a light jog down toward Hagrid's hut. That's odd, Regulus thought, you didn't have detention. Of course, it didn't pass his mind that you may just be running. After all, who would willingly go on a run in the middle of December in Scotland. Still, he watched as you ran down the steps that led to the now frost-covered pumpkin patches. Maybe you needed to collect something from him, he thought. Yes, that's probably it. Far more likely than Miss 'golden-girl' having a detention. Professor Kettleburn probably needed something and sent you to go get it.

His confusion only multiplied when you bypassed Hagrid's hut and disappeared into the thicket of the Forbidden Forest. Regulus picked up his pace, making sure that he wasn't caught as he followed your footsteps. He tried to keep up but you were always a faster runner than him, always making it to class on time even if you were both running late. He quickly lost you, having to resort to tracking your footsteps through the deep snow. He was ever more confused as to why you were out here - if anyone caught you here, you'd have a month's worth of evening detentions. Not the best way to start the year.

When he finally caught up to you, his heart dropped to his feet. You were lying face down in the snow, clothing soaked through. He knelt beside you, his hands running over your face as he softly called your name. Your skin was cold to the touch, causing Regulus to panic. He quickly bundled you up in the spare coat he brought with him. He removed the scarf from around his neck and wrapped it around yours, before tucking your hands into the pocket of the jacket.

He hoisted you up in his arms, wrapping his arms securely under your body. He slowly started walking back to the castle, being careful to avoid anyone seeing him leave the Forbidden Forest - the last thing he needed was the both of you getting in more trouble. He carried you through the hallways to the hospital wing, rapping his knuckles sharply against the window while you remained unconscious in his arms.

Madam Pomfrey was quick to open the door and, at the sight of your unconscious body, ushered you both inside, helping Regulus to lay you on one of the free beds. She laid a thick blanket over you and dug out a heating potion to dispel the chill from your bones. Regulus just sat by your side and held your hand. It was ice-cold as usual, but somehow Regulus never wanted to let go.

"...Mr. Black?" Madam Pomfrey asked, but Regulus had missed the question while he was staring at you. He looked up at her questioningly, silently asking her to repeat the question, "I said, will you get some dry clothes for her? I trust that you have something you can give her."

Regulus nodded dumbly, leaving the hospital wing before breaking into a run. He ran upstairs and pulled a sweater and some sweatpants for you. They would be big on you but hopefully, they would keep you from getting too cold. His heart was pounding as he returned to the hospital wing.

He diligently gave the jumper and sweatpants to Madam Pomfrey, before turning around so she could change your clothes modestly. It was nothing he hadn't seen before, he wanted to tell Madam Pomfrey, but somehow he was sure that she wouldn't appreciate that sentiment.

Once she was done and you were nestled under two layers of blankets and in clean clothes, Madam Pomfrey turned back to Regulus.

"Mr. Black, I'm going to have to collect a report from this accident from you, if you would so oblige."

"Uhh, of course, yeah. Um, well," Regulus prided himself on being a good liar, but under so much pressure, not so much. "We found a - uh - salamander on the fifth floor by the library when we were studying there earlier. She said she'd go tell Hagrid so she headed down to his hut. I wanted to find her to finish my essay before dinner so I headed down to see Hagrid, but then I found her lying in the snow."

Madam Pomfrey nodded, "Did Hagrid find out about the Salamander?"

Regulus nodded, "Yeah, one of the third years told him. I heard them talking about it while I was looking for her." It wasn't a total lie. Two third years had found a Salamander by the fifth-floor boys' toilets. They'd told Hagrid, and Regulus had overheard them talking about it.

Madam Pomfrey nodded, sealing away the report and filing it away. Regulus stood up to go back to the common room when Madam Pomfrey stopped him.

"She's incredibly thin, Mr. Black. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" Regulus shook his head, "It's worrying how underweight she is. You haven't noticed anything? Anything out of the ordinary?"

Regulus shook his head again before turning around to leave the hospital wing. He knew something was wrong. He just didn't know what.

When you opened your eyes, the first thing you could feel was heat. You were warm. After months of being on the edge of freezing all the time, it was nice.

The second thing you noticed was the smell of cologne. A familiar cologne. Regulus' cologne. It was an expensive one - the Black family was rich and they weren't scared to show it off.

You opened your eyes slowly, grateful for the darkness. You looked towards the window to see that it was nighttime. You furrowed your brow in confusion. You could have sworn that it was just past lunch. You pushed yourself up further only to realise that you were in the hospital wing.

Before you could push yourself up even further, a voice interrupted you, "And just where do you think you're going, young lady?" Madam Pomfrey walked up to you with a glass of pumpkin juice in hand and two tablets. "You're dehydrated. And possibly have a concussion. You should be glad Mr. Black found you when he did."

Regulus found me? How the hell did he know where I was?

You took the pills from her hand and swallowed them down quickly. You savoured the taste of the Pumpkin Juice - it had been so long since you'd had the calorie-filled drink.

You turned to the door just in time to see Regulus walk in. It was as if he had exhaled for the first time seeing you awake. His shoulders dropped, his chest relaxed and all the tension in his face melted away.

He sat by your side gently, letting you finish the juice. Madam Pomfrey spoke up again, "Now, young lady, do you want to explain that nasty little fainting spell?" She said, her eyebrows raised as she scrutinised you.

"Uhh, well - I was - uh - walking down to Hagrid's hut, and - uh - my ears started ringing, and I think I fell." You said, your voice hoarse from disuse.

"And it has nothing to do with the fact that you are underweight?" Madam Pomfrey pressed.

"I've just been nauseous the last few days." You lied quickly, slightly recoiling under her heavy words, "I think it's stress but it might be a bug. I remember Pandora complaining about her stomach the night before she went home."

Madam Pomfrey seemed convinced. Regulus less so. As soon as Madam Pomfrey left, he turned to you.

"You lied." You shifted nervously under his intense gaze.

"I didn't. I have been nauseous all week."

"If you were nauseous, why were you on a run?"

"I thought the fresh air might help."

"Fresh air in the Forbidden Forest? Bullshit." Your heart dropped. He'd followed you there.

"Why did you follow me?"

"Why were you there alone? If I hadn't followed you and you'd fainted, you would have been dead by the time anyone found you."

"Oh, so I guess that means I should thank you now, should I? Oh, thank His Lordship, Mr. Black for saving my life, even thOUGH NO ONE ASKED HIM TOO!" You exclaimed, seething. You threw his hands off you and tried to push him away but he refused to budge.

"Stop being difficult," Regulus said, pulling the blankets back over your frail body.

"OH I'M BEING DIFF-"

"JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH!" He interrupted, his blue eyes blazing with fury. You could just about pick out the lingering concern that was embedded in his gaze. You saw red.

"GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! LEAVE ME ALONE!" You pushed Regulus away with every ounce of strength in your body. He fell off the chair, crashing to the ground in an undignified heap.

You watched, in horror at what you'd done, as he walked over to the door. He cast you a longing glance as he left, almost as if he was begging you, pleading you to let him in, to not shut him out. To let him help you.

You sighed. You weren't sure if you could be helped.

On Christmas Eve, Madam Pomfrey let you go back to your own bed, with the promise that you'd visit her every day so she could check up on you. Regulus hadn't visited since you told him to leave, and a small part of you was glad that he hadn't. The rest of you had missed him dearly.

You felt him walk up to you as you lounged on one of the sofas in front of the fire.

"Room for one more?" He asked hesitantly, standing in front of you. You shuffled to the edge of the sofa to give him room to sit down.

"So how are you?" He said, hands toying with his wand as he tried to avoid staring at you.

"We don't have to do this, Reg. Can we just let it go?" You sighed, hoping that you didn't have to get into this conversation right now.

"Yes, we do. Tell me, Canari, are you feeling better?"

"I'm fine, Reg." You both sat in awkward silence, not exactly knowing how to approach this conversation. "I'm gonna - uh - go. Now. Uh - bye."

You stood up, trying to escape into your dorm room, but Regulus beat you to it - blocking you with his body. It wasn't fair that he was almost a whole head taller than you.

"No, what's going on? Are you sick?" Regulus insisted, hands coming up to brush your arms. You shuddered at the gentle touch, but he still didn't pull away.

“Reg-”

“Canari.” he insisted. "Don't lie to me."

You took a deep breath. "I'm sick," you whispered quietly, but loud enough for Regulus to hear it.

He shifted on his feet, “What do you mean?”

You looked at him, noting the tears building up on his lash line. Regulus never cried. More than once, Barty had joked that the 'snowman didn't have a heart'. You shook your head, "It won’t make sense."

"Then help me understand."

You took a few breaths, trying to get your thoughts in order. Regulus led you back to the couch, his large warm hands covering your cold frail ones. You tried to get your thoughts in order, tried to figure out where to start. Well, it's probably best to start at the beginning. “I don’t know what happened. I was just supposed to lose a little weight. I started eating less, doing some muggle workouts. And it worked. But now - now, now I just can't stop." you finished.

Regulus' face contorted to one of concern. You avoided his gaze, your eyes filled with tears at finally revealing your secret. Regulus pulled you into his lap, his arms wrapping around you, pulling you into his chest. You nestled into them, your head of his heart as sobs started to wrack your body. Regulus held you tightly, whispering that it would be okay. He breathed deeply and steadily, hoping you would fall into rhythm with him.

Eventually, your heaving breaths slowed, and you began to calm down. After a few moments of silence, Bucky asked “How long has this been going on?”

"Since the summer break. But I think the problem's been going on a lot longer than that." You whispered into his chest, defeated.

Regulus took a deep breath, his mind relaying all the suspicious behaviour he'd picked up on over the past term. "Why didn’t you say anything?"

You shrugged weakly, "It wasn’t your problem."

You jostled in his lap as he turned you to face him. "Canari. Your problems are my problems. How many times do I have to tell you that I'm here? Because I want to be here. For you. I want to help, Canari. Please." You avoided his gaze because you knew what you'd find. Genuine concern. Something you weren't sure if you deserved. "You always help me or anyone else whenever we need it. Remember when Pandora had those nightmares for months and every night you'd hold her hand until she fell asleep? Or when Barty told us that he was afraid of the dark so you gave him an enchanted tea candle that would never go out? Hmm? If we were going through this, wouldn’t you want to help us?"

"Of course, I would," you said firmly, tears building up in your eyes again. You rubbed the way with the corner of your sleeve, but Regulus caught your hand.

"So why can’t you let me help you the same way?" he asked, his eyes shining with sincerity.

You shook your head lightly, "It’s not that simple, Reg."

"Why?"

"Because.”

"Because what?"

"It's just not the same," you said a little louder, pushing yourself off his lap. You had to put a distance between him and yourself, or you knew that you would break. You turned around heading in any direction that was not here, not in front of the only man capable of reducing you to tears.

"I don't get it. What’s the difference between me and you? Why can’t you-"

“Because I don’t HATE you!” you exclaimed, turning around to face him again. The pain in your eyes was evident as you tried to shrink further into yourself. Regulus was up in an instant, cradling your head in his hands as if you were a porcelain doll. You took a shuddering breath, "It’s not the same thing because I don’t hate you. I want to help you all, because you are good people, and I like you."

Tears streamed down your face as the confession spilled from your lips. You told him about everything, the loneliness, the self-loathing, the punishments, everything. Regulus stood there as you sobbed in his arms and confessed to him, taking every beating and tucking it away in the corner of his frozen heart that was reserved for you.

When you had finally settled, Regulus looked at you sadly. His gaze was heavy as if he was trying to see if there were any other secrets you were hiding. "Is that really how you feel about yourself?" he asked, saddened even more when you began nodding. "What did you do that was so wrong?"

You didn’t know. The loneliness that had plagued your childhood had melted into the insecurity that you didn't belong anywhere, and you never would. So slowly, you accepted that you never would. Your voice was weak when you spoke up again, "I'm sick, Reg. I know that. But I don't think this kind of sick can be healed by one of Madam Pomfrey's potions. People catch colds or break bones - those can be fixed. And once it's fixed, it won’t bother them again. But this," you gestured your body repeatedly, "this I don’t know if I fix. I don’t know how, I don’t know where to start. It’s me against me. It's a losing game. I’m not the kind of sick that gets better, Reg," you shrugged slightly and shook your head.

Regulus wrapped his arms around you tighter, "There's always a cure."

"Not for me."

"No. You're not giving up. YOU CAN'T FUCKING GIVE UP WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED TO GET BETTER!" Regulus wasn't one to lose composure ever. In fact, Regulus wasn't one to show much emotion at all, but here he was, crying and yelling over you. Trying to convince you to get better. He tucked his chest into you, whispering, "Please. Please, you can't- you can't leave me here. Not alone, please, Canari."

You rested your face on his head, your cheek pressed against his beautiful curly hair. You stayed like that, you pulled into his lap, his head cocooned into your chest, your head laying on the top of his head. Both of you expended every last tear in your body before he spoke up again.

“Can I try to help?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean you want to get better? Right?" Regulus removed himself from your chest and looked into your eyes. His hands traveled to rest on your face. You nodded. "You can always talk to me about anything," You avoided his gaze, "you know that right?"

At the uncertain look on your face, Regulus stiffened. You quickly spoke up, "It’s not that I don’t trust you. I do, but-" You paused thinking how best to word this.

"Yes?"

"It’s just that I don’t want to disappoint you," you said, your voice trailing off as you spoke. "I don’t want to fuck up and end up hurting you because I couldn’t be better. I don’t want you to worry every bloody day. You don't deserve that." you took a deep breath and looked away again. "I don’t want you to leave because I couldn’t be strong for you."

"Is that really what you think I would do?" Regulus asked, his tone growing angrier. You cowered under his anger, and Regulus noticed. He tried to level his breathing as he continued, "I would never be disappointed with you, because you're trying your best. You said it: you're sick. And sometimes it takes time to heal. And you're healing for you, so that you can have a happy life. A long life." He paused, considering whether to add this next part, "No matter whether that life has me in it."

You leaned into him again, his arms wrapping you into a tight hug. Your life would always have Regulus in it, no matter how long, short, sick, or healthy it would end up being. Regulus made you promise to go back to Madam Pomfrey in the morning to tell her the whole truth.

"Promise you will be there the whole time?" you asked softly, nuzzling into the crook of his neck, and exhaustion washed over you.

His arms tightened around you, "I promise. As long as you promise not to give up. Even when it gets hard."

You smiled your first proper smile in what felt like an age.

"I promise."

fin.

#regulus black smut #regulus black #regulus black x reader #regulus black x reader smut #regulus black fic #regulus black fanfiction #regulus smut #harry potter #hp #tw ed but not sheeran #regulus x y/n #harry potter x reader #regulus x reader #fi's baby blurbs #regulus black x fem!reader #regulus black x girlfriend!reader #marauders #marauders era #no y/n

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it-happened-one-fic · 6 months

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Undying Devotion - Sebek

Author Notes: Ah, hand kisses my beloved. I actually stole this hand kiss from a Trigun manga panel I believe.... But anyway, this fic has actually been sitting and gathering dust for quite some time. In fact, I had this written before I started posting my Strictly NRC Dancing series, but I'm pleased to finally be sharing it with you all now. This fic was also edited to "Bad Habits" by Ed Sheeran. As per usual, Reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Type: Gender-neutral reader, fluff, flirting occurs, romance heavily implied

Word count: 922

Sebek walked silently beside you, the perfect image of a stoic bodyguard with his arms behind his back as he carefully listened to you.

His eyes were riveted to your form, even though all you were doing was prattling on about one of the many books he’d recommended to you.

A knightly romance. The sort that he adored even though he would never admit it.

After all, he’d only recommended it to you because he thought YOU would like it. Not because he himself had enjoyed it.

“Hey Sebek, you know more about knights than I do. Why do knights always kiss their lady’s hand?” You tilted your head to look at him as he somehow managed to straighten even more at your question.

A preening smile appeared on his face as he realized that you’d just acknowledged the fact that he did know more about something than you did. “It’s simple, human. But remember that they do not only do this for their lady love. They also do it for the lords to whom they owe allegiance.”

He glanced at you, making sure you were listening even though you were the one who’d questioned him in the first place, before he continued, “Kissing the ring on their lord’s finger is a show of undying devotion to that ring, which almost always signified the lord’s throne. Naturally, the knight’s undying devotion is extended to the person wearing the ring.”

A smile crept onto your face as you put two and two together, “Awww, so they're promising to be eternally devoted to their love when they do it for the lady?”

Sebek nodded, a quick, short motion that matched his single-word reply that was totally at odds with your pleasure over your revelation, “Theoretically.”

You were grinning now, seeming pleased with the discovery you’d made, which had Sebek tilting his head.

Presumably you thought it was an incredibly romantic gesture, and that was why it made you so seemingly giddy.

But then your smile faded and you frowned, stopping in place before you turned to face him fully, “Then why doesn’t the lady ever do the same for the knight? I mean if it’s just a pledge of devotion, why don’t they make the same pledge?”

And there it was. Your infuriating ability to make him question the very same thing you pondered. But Sebek had been raised in the knightly manner, so this was one of the things he staunchly refused to question.

And, just like he usually did whenever you had him questioning something he’d always taken for granted, he found himself sputtering out a characteristically loud reply, “BE- BECAUSE THAT JUST ISN’T HOW IT’S DONE! THE LADY NEEDS NOT MAKE SUCH A PLEDGE BECAUSE HER KNIGHT HAS ALREADY DONE SO! IT IS NOT AS IF THE LORD WOULD PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO HIS KNIGHT!”

You were still frowning slightly as you eyed the green-haired young man, “Yeah, but it’s sort of different when it’s between a lady and her beau….”

Your hand caught his in a surprisingly gentle grasp as you smiled at him, confusing the young man as he watched you lift his hand that was now clasped in yours, “I think it’s only fair that she make the same pledge as he.”

With those words, you pressed your lips to his knuckles in a featherlight kiss. Causing Sebek to freeze with a quiet intake of breath as he stared at you.

Either unable or unwilling to yank his hand away from yours, as you silently and gently kissed his hand.

A hand that was already scarred from his training but that had not yet faced the great trials of this world.

You withdrew with a smile, and it was like Sebek had suddenly started working again as he jolted slightly before hastily yanking his hand away from yours as you started laughing, “HUMAN! How DARE yo-”

“Relax, I’m just teasing you,” Laughter bubbled out of you as you continued to giggle at the now-flustered knight until your phone made a quiet buzzing sound.

Your eyes widened in an almost comical fashion as you glanced towards your pocket and then back to Sebek, “Oh crap! I’ve gotta go, or I’ll be late for the unbirthday party! Bye Sebek!”

And just like that, you were off. Trotting away from him and towards the mirror chamber that would take you to the party that you were apparently about to miss, like you hadn’t just flustered the young man beyond all reason.

But Sebek wasn’t looking at your hastily retreating form or pondering the party to which you were headed.

Instead, he was silently staring at his hands. The ghostly sensation of your lips on his knuckles leaving him stunned even now.

Truthfully, Sebek did not recall moving his hand but found himself thoughtlessly pressing his knuckles to his own lips in the exact same place that you had kissed anyway.

His eyes were closed, as if he were deep in thought, before he at last pulled his hand away from his mouth. A curious expression on his face as he finally looked up in the direction you’d long since disappeared.

“A pledge of undying devotion….” Despite himself, his lips twitched up into a slight smirk as he turned to head back to where his lord and master awaited his return, “Preposterous.”

But despite his words, Sebek could not deny the warmth in his chest as he pondered how you would react if he responded to your silent, if joking, vow in kind.

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pengujoon · 7 months

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DANCING IN THE DARK

cont. gojo x reader, toothrotting fluff. they're dancing in the dark, super super cute. use of mi amor, they kiss, living together!au, intentional lowercase.

a/n. was listening to perfect by ed sheeran and this piece came to be. it felt super cute when i was writing it!! so love sick for him.

song. ed sheeran - perfect

in the middle of the living room, all the lights were turned off, casting the room into a velvety darkness. but it was not a void; it was a canvas awaiting the touch of something magical. that magic came in the form of moonlight, streaming in through the windows like liquid silver, bathing the room in its soft, ethereal glow.

the night was alive with romance, and the very air seemed to hum with the resonance of your synchronised heartbeats.

satoru, with a loving smile, extended his hand toward you. “may i have this dance?”

you couldn't help but giggle at his sweet gesture, and you placed your hand in his. “of course, mi amor.”

he led you to the centre of the room, where a slow, romantic song played softly in the background. as you swayed together, your bodies pressed close, and you felt the warmth of his embrace.

with the grace of a seasoned dancer, he initiated a gentle twirl, and you felt like you were floating on a cloud of pure affection. your gown, like a silken dream, billowed around you, whispering the secrets of your hearts intertwined.

satoru's hand found its way to the small of your back, holding you securely. with a flourish that only deepened the enchantment, he lifted you off your feet, and you soared towards the ceiling, weightless and free. his unwavering gaze never left yours, a testament to the intensity of his affection. he gently lowered you back down, his soft and loving smile making you fall all too hard for him yet again.

his other hand gently lifted your chin, bringing your lips closer to his. your heart raced with anticipation as he closed the gap between you, his lips capturing yours in a tender, lingering kiss.

the kiss was soft and sweet, a silent declaration of love and affection. as you pulled away, your eyes met his, the depth of your love and adoration unfathomable.

satoru's fingers, as gentle as the softest caress, brushed a stray strand of hair from your face, then traced a path down to your neck. the pulse of your love resonated there, a rhythm that echoed in perfect harmony with his very own. his lips found yours again, this time with a bit more urgency, as if he couldn't get enough of your taste.

you responded in kind, your fingers tangling in his white locks as you deepened the kiss. the world outside seemed to disappear, and all that mattered was the sensation of his lips on yours, the warmth of his body pressed against yours.

as the song continued to play, you and satoru shared a series of sweet, soft kisses. each one left you breathless, your heart soaring with love and desire.

when the music finally faded, satoru held you close, his forehead resting against yours. “i love you way much more than words can ever express,” he whispered, his voice filled with raw emotion. his hands ran through your hair, pulling you closer against him as his hands found rest by your waist.

you smiled, your heart overflowing with love. “and i love you, satoru, more than anything in this world.”

in that moment, as you held each other close, you knew that this was a love that would last a lifetime. it was a love that could be felt in every sweet, tender kiss, and it was a love that would continue to grow with each passing day.

urgh.... satoru..... so this is what all the bsd fans went through when that dazai panel appeared.

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo fluff #gojo satoru fluff #jjk #jjk fics #penguwrites #jjk imagines #living together!au #perfect by ed sheeran #toothrotting fluff

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jackharloww · 1 year

Text

You are the only one

summary: a fic inspired by Ed Sheeran's "one". Reader moves away after a year of being with Jack but comes back to him - wonder how it goes :)

You never believed in the saying "Right person, wrong time", you always thought it was a silly thing to say, if a person was the right one then you could make it work, right? Well, that was before you met Jack.

You met Jack when you moved to Atlanta for a year to work overseas. You worked as a stylist and the company you worked for got a one-year contract with a magazine where you got the title of an editorial stylist. That is how you came in contact with Jack, he was shooting for the magazine, and working with him on set was the funniest you've ever had at work. Upon seeing each other for the first time you immediately clicked and everyone could see the admiration in both your eyes.

You became inseparable. You did everything together, everything from partying to going on road trips talking about your dreams and aspirations. It took Jack a while to muster up the courage to tell you he liked you more than a friend, but when he did, oh how beautiful life became. It was the best year of your life, he was yours and you were his and everything was good, but everything good has to come to an end, right?

You still remembered the call from your company telling you that you couldn't continue for more than a year and that you needed to move back. The night you broke the news to Jack still replays in your head, you were lying on a blanket next to each other watching the beautiful night sky.

Flashback

"Do you have to leave" Jack muttered as you both stared at the stars in the night sky. You didn't answer him, which made him continue speaking "Can't you just stay here? With me?" his voice cracked, you didn't trust your voice, instead you turned your head to meet his eyes, the tears in your eyes told him what he needed to know. You scooted closer to him and put your head on his shoulder.

"There's nothing more I want, but you know I can't" you mustered out before taking a deep breath. You looked down at your tangled hands and pulled them up to plant a kiss on the back of Jack's hand.

He leaned closer to you and kissed your lips, before pulling you on top of him. His big hands cradled your face and you both stared at each other's watery eyes for a few seconds.

"I love you," you told him

"I love you too, more than you could ever imagine" he answered

"I'll come back to you" you whispered, as he pulled you into a gentle kiss, both your tears leaving a salty taste on your lips.

"Promise me you'll wait for me," he said after he pulled away from the kiss. "I promise" you sniffled, before leaning your forehead against his.

"You know, I'm so thankful you showed me what love is" Jack mumbled. You leaned in and kissed him hard, your lips saying everything you couldn't.

End of Flashback

You had one week with each other after that night, and you spent it attached at the hips. He came with you to the airport the day you left, where you said your teary goodbyes. You promised each other to call every night, but Jack's career kicking off, your busy work schedule and the time difference made it hard for both of you to keep that promise. There were occasional messages when one of you had achieved something but not more than that. But there wasn't a day that went by that you didn't think about him.

One Year Later

You looked down at your phone, before looking up again at the big building. Yup, this is it, you said to yourself before grabbing your big suitcase and walking towards the door to your new apartment.

"Welcome miss" the concierge greeted you as he opened the door for you. "Thank you sir" You smiled at him and dragged your suitcase behind you as you walked to the elevators. You arrived on the floor, took the keys from your bag, unlocked the door, and walked in. Your eyes widened in wonder, the pictures on the website did not do it justice. It had a high ceiling, an open floor plan, and big windows that gave it a luxurious feeling. Thankfully the lease included a fully furnished apartment so you didn't have to think about that. It was modern and elegant, with colors of white and beige decorating the apartment. You sank down on the couch and thanked god for the soft cushions.

"Back in Atlanta" You sighed with contentment and leaned back, closing your eyes for a moment. You had gotten the job offer of your dreams which took you back to the beautiful city of Atlanta.

You would lie if you said that Jack hadn't been on your mind. You were so proud of all he had achieved and missed him like crazy. You often wondered if he thought about you the same way you think about him. The memory of both of you lying down, watching the stars, and pouring all your feelings out often replayed in your mind. You grabbed your phone and immediately went on the Instagram app, searching for Jack, and started to write him a DM. After typing and deleting for 5 minutes, you finally decided what to write and typed it out. You stared at the message for a few minutes, debating if you should hit send. Like yes, you did tell him you will be back for him, but what if he had moved on? But what's the worse that could happen? you thought. After minutes of debating you finally hit send and threw your phone on the other end of the sofa.

Yourinsta: "I'm in town"

After a few minutes, you received a notification and jumped to grab your phone, to your dismay it was a message from your best friend asking if you'd arrived, you quickly wrote out an answer to her before going on Insta once more. You clicked into the DM you had sent and immediately felt your heart drop to your stomach when you saw the words on your phone screen, Read.

Well, at least he read it? that's a good thing? right? you tried to convince yourself. At least now you know what the worst thing that could happen was, not receiving a fucking answer. You threw your phone away once more and got up to shower.

You stepped into the beautiful big shower and let the warm water hit your body, you closed your eyes, and the only thing on your mind was Jack, why couldn't you stop thinking about him. You washed your body thoroughly before stepping out to go to sleep, the jetlag slowly hitting you.

You woke up only an hour later to the sound of your phone ringing, groaning you squinted to see who it was before answering. "You woke me up" you muttered to Alina, your best friend, on the other line.

"Well, you didn't answer my message, I thought you died" She replied nonchalantly, clearly eating something.

"I did?" you questioned and put her on speaker to check for yourself.

"no bro, you must've dreamt about it" she answered, making you roll your eyes.

"Oh, I did answer but I might have forgotten to hit send" you admitted, laughing slightly. The two of you talked for a while more before you told her you wanted to sleep more.

Before putting your phone away, you noticed you'd received a notification on Instagram, and even though you tried to push the feelings away, you couldn't help your heart from beating rapidly. You clicked on the message and it was as if your eyes stopped connecting to your brain. You couldn't comprehend what you just read.

Jackharlow: "Can we meet?"

Well, there goes that sleep, you thought and quickly sat up. He had sent it 40 minutes after he had read it, but at least he answered.

Yourinsta: Sure, let me know when and where, You typed out after a minute of just staring at the message he had sent. You received an answer only a few seconds later.

Jackharlow: Tonight? at 7, Our place.

Your place. The place where you would go to just hang out, relax, and talk about everything. It was the place where you said "I love you" for the first time and it was also the place where you told him you were moving back. It was Your place, and him mentioning it made your heart flutter.

yourinsta: That sounds good!

Now you were freaking out. The fluttering sensation in your stomach felt like thousands of butterflies flying around. You quickly looked at the time and noticed you had a few more hours. The nerves you felt wouldn't make it easy to fall asleep again, so you just got up to get ready.

You fixed your hair and sat down to do your makeup. You dragged your suitcase into your room, dug out a pair of beige cargos, and paired them with a simple tight white t-shirt.

Thankfully the place was within walking distance so you grabbed your headphones, put on your favorite playlist, and started walking. As soon as you arrived you saw him sitting on the bench, wearing black jeans with a grey zip-up hoodie. Your heart pounded with tension as you walked up to him. As soon as he heard your steps he turned around and his famous big grin got plastered on his face.

"Well look who we have here," he said and stood up to greet you properly in a big hug.

"Hi" you mirrored his big grin and snuggled into his hug. You took a deep breath, not wanting to let go. After a few seconds, you both pulled away and looked at each other. A wave of emotions that you haven't felt in a long time came over you. His eyes sparkled with a warmth that you had missed.

"You're back," He said as you both walked to the bench to sit down.

"I'm back," you sniffled a laugh, giving him a tight-lip smile. It was a little weird being here a year later. You still loved him but you had no idea how he felt about you after all this time.

"How long are you staying," He asked, smiling at you.

"Well as long as I can" you smiled "Im working for this company now, so no returning hopefully" At that he stared at you with his eyebrows raised.

"So no one-year contract bullshit this time?" he asked, which made you giggle

"no one-year contract bullshit" you answered with a big smile that he returned before turning his head to the view. There was a comfortable silence before Jack spoke up.

"I come here a lot you know," he said, looking straight ahead "Whenever I feel anxious and need to relax, it makes me calm" he continued, now turning his head to look at you.

"Yeah?" you asked, receiving nods with a gentle smile "My mind comes here when I need to do the same"

"I've missed you" He finally admitted after taking a deep breath

"I've missed you too" You both stared at each other's eyes now.

"I haven't stopped thinking about you," he said. He reached for you, put his finger under your chin, and pulled your face up to look him in the eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked in a whisper while keeping eye contact, your eyes glistened as you answered him with a nod. You both leaned forward and his soft lips met yours in a tender kiss. The kiss told you everything you needed to know. It was filled with affection and so much love.

"Promise me you won't leave again" he whispered when you pulled away from the kiss, your foreheads resting against each other.

"I won't leave you" you whispered back "I love you" you finally said, not afraid to let him know all your feelings. He gave you another kiss, this time it was hard, filled with all of the passion and emotions you felt towards each other.

He pulled away and looked at you with his beautiful sparkling blue eyes, "I couldn't stop loving you" he said, "I can't love another woman the same way I love you. I only have eyes for you" He continued speaking with affection.

You reached for his hand and held it, you smiled as he spoke and looked down at your tangled hands

"You're the only one I can see myself with when I'm gray and old, you're the only one I can see myself having kids with, You're the only one Y/N," he said passionately "You were and will always be the only one".

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Taglist: @heavyhitterheaux , @harlowsbby , @harlowcomehome , @middlechild404 , @neon-lights-and-glitter , @mortirolo , @hoodharlow , @nattinatalia , @itsyagirljaz

First time doing a fic that's based on a song hehe let me know what you think 🤭

#jack harlow #jack fic #jack harlow fic #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow stories #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow fanfic #Ed Sheeran #fanfics #my work #song fic #Spotify

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aletterinthenameofsanity · 1 month

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Ivan/Riley/Chase playlist!

Here it is: the big guns. The magnum opus of this series. The fic that started it all and is also somehow the one I've most recently updated. The holy grail slow-burn poly-shipping mutual-pining Soulmate AU and the longest fic in this series by a long shot (if only due to the fact that I stopped updating the Ziggy/Scott one, and even that was not a slow burn). I left y'all on tenterhooks for MONTHS as I updated this thing and whenever I want inspiration for writing slow-burns I come back to this fic. It meant so much to get to write asexual Riley and his soulmates' supportive reactions as well as Kaylee's aromantic journey, too!

Also, apparently it's the most kudosed one in the Dino Charge fandom? And the second-most viewed? So thank y'all so much! Once again, I cannot believe that these passion project rarepair fics have spoken so well to the good people of the power rangers fandom. I started this series when I was eighteen (I wrote the vast majority of it at eighteen) and a freshman in college and I got so much joy from writing all of these traumatized idiots sitting within stories that were just begging for a bit of tweaking/exploring. Thank you all so much for coming along this journey with me over the years- it means more than I can say!

@skyland2703 @madhare0512 @khruschevshoe @liveinalovelyway @disastardly @augment-techs @infinitysgrace @our-raven-strife-universe @estel-eruantien @miss-morgans-lover

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lovesosweeet · 5 months

Text

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty two

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

TW: mentions of disordered eating, weight loss, body image descriptions

october 1, 2018 san diego, california calum

I could barely sleep last night with the excitement of reuniting with Orion at the front of my mind. I get to hold her, touch her, kiss her, be with her… today. It’s finally here. The day that we’ve been pining for is finally here.

I wake up early so I can be ready when she gets here. We slept on the bus last night after we drove out here from Denver. It’s quiet when I wake up, unsurprisingly. I grab my duffel bag of clothes and toiletries and head into the venue to take a shower. There’s no show today, but we’re camped out here for now. I’m supposed to stay at Orion’s family’s house tonight, but the rest of the band and crew are at a hotel.

As I get to the door into the venue, Gus is already here. I swear, the man is always working. His shifts are 12 hours at a time. He’s tired as he greets me, but still cheery.

“Orion comes today, right?” He asks me with a knowing smile. He knows the answer. The question is practically rhetorical.

I smile back at him without a second thought. Of course I’m smiling — I get to see my girl today. “Yep, she’s gonna be here around 10!”

Gus nods and opens the door for me. “Only three and a half hours to go, then.”

We leave the conversation there and I enter the building, looking around for signage to direct me to the dressing room. I find it and head that way. It’s nice to be in the venue this early. No one else is awake, aside from a handful of stray security guys and a janitor that’s mopping the floor.

I take what Orion would call an everything shower. It consists of scrubbing my entire body with a container of sugar scrub I stole from her abundant stash, slathering my body in some body wash from LUSH that she got me hooked on, shaving everything, shampoo, conditioner, exfoliating my face… everything. I want to look, feel, and smell my best for her, even though I know she wouldn’t care if I smelled like cat piss and looked like a complete mess.

When I get out of the shower, I text her, since it’s roughly when she will wake up anyway.

To: my love + stars gooooood morning!!!!! ☀️ today is the DAY!!!! drive safe and let me know when you hit the road. can’t wait to see you my love.

Back on the bus, I try to get my bunk in order. I make the bed as well as I can and organize my stuff so it doesn’t look quite as chaotic.

“Cal? What time is it?” Ashton’s voice sounds from the bunk above mine.

“It’s a little after seven,” I answer, trying to whisper.

“Why are you up this early?” He whispers back.

“We’re in San Diego, dude.”

Ashton opens the curtain to his bunk then so he can look at me. “Shit, didn’t even realize. You excited?” He smiles, already knowing my answer. Another practically rhetorical question.

“Can’t fucking wait.”

—

I spend my morning with Ashton inside the venue, just aimlessly scrolling on my phone while he reads a book. We’ve both downed a cup or two of coffee and eaten a few of the snacks we have backstage. It’s just bananas and granola bars currently, which is fine by me. I’m not really hungry. The excitement is all consuming.

My phone is already unlocked, watching Orion’s blinking blue dot on the Find My Friends app get closer and closer to mine. She stopped at her family’s house on her way here to drop off Duke so we can spend the day together. As her dot gets onto the premises of the venue, she starts calling. I answer instantly.

“Hi,” I answer. Ashton looks over at me then and he starts to smile. I’m sure he’s missed her too.

“Hi, I’m pulling in now. Matt told them I’m coming, right?”

“Of course. You’re his favorite, remember?”

She giggles. “Okay, sure. I’ll see you in a minute.”

“Can’t wait.” And then I hang up.

I get off the couch, brushing crumbs from my granola bar off my lap. I turn to Ash.

“Gonna go meet her. We’ll be back in a minute.”

He nods, looking back down to his book.

I walk around the maze of the backstage area, following signs to the exit. More crew are walking around now, all nodding to me politely as we pass each other. I open the back door to the buses and am greeted by the bright sunshine and Gus’ replacement.

I look around, trying to spot Orion’s silver sedan. I spot it parked behind the buses, but don’t see her.

Then, there she is, walking toward me with a glowing smile on her face, wearing a baggy green hoodie, presumably some shorts that I can't see, and a beat-up pair of New Balances. I take a few jogging steps toward her, but she's running, so we meet after just a few seconds.

I wrap her into my arms as quickly as I can from the moment I see her, but the second she’s there, pressed into my chest, I can’t help but notice she’s… different. Orion has always been tiny. She’s 5 feet tall and has always been pretty thin, but she had some slight curves still. Now, she’s bony and frail. Normally, I don’t like to comment on her appearance unless it’s telling her how absolutely gorgeous she is, except this time. I can’t help it. All I can think is that she’s smaller. I want to comment about it, and I try to hold it in, but I don’t trust myself to be able to do so.

“Hi,” I breathe, my face buried in her hair. I didn’t even remember to take in how short it is now. Her frail frame is the only thing on my mind.

“Hi,” she says back. She’s squeezing me back as hard as she can. Her arms are bonier than normal, somewhat masked by the oversized hoodie, but they’re there.

My hands slide up the sides of the hoodie she's wearing — technically mine — to grip her waist and I can instantly tell just how differently her body is shaped now. She feels fragile, far smaller than she was before. It's so obvious. Has the time apart really been this hard on her? I know it's been bad, but not unhealthily losing 20 pounds bad. Have I just not paid enough attention on our Facetimes? Am I that oblivious?

What happened?

Before I know it, the question falls out. “Did you lose weight?” I can't help it. The words tumble from my mouth and my hands scan her rib cage, feeling how much the bones protrude from her skin. She feels like just skin and bones, but she was trying to hide it under my baggy sweatshirt. Orion steps back so she can look at me.

Now, I notice her face and that her cheekbones jutting out sharper than before. Her cheeks are hollow, her eyes sunken in. She looks sick.

Has she been struggling so badly this whole time? Why wouldn't she tell me? Did I not look at her at all while I’ve been gone? I’ve seen her face, but I don’t know how I could have missed that it looks like this. My heart aches at the thought of her being too sad to eat, too depressed to move. Things have to have been hard on her if this is how she is now. It’s all my fault.

"Just a little," she mutters. Now she can't even look me in the eye. She's suddenly trying not to cry.

My hands can encircle her waist, completely. She's so much smaller than she was before and there's no way it's healthy for her to be so thin. "Orion, it doesn't feel like 'just a little.'"

Her eyes finally meet mine, holding so much more emotion than I can swim through. What're normally almost orange irises are dark and muddy. "It's fine, okay?"

Her voice is so meek and sad that it pains me to hear. I don't want to press it. We don't need to have a full conversation about her possible disordered eating or stress-starving herself outside of a venue in San Diego. But I can't just drop the fact that she feels like she's down to just her skeleton and organs.

Orion's eyes search mine like she's trying to find the right thing for her to say in the depths of my eyes. I didn't mean to make her cry. I just can't believe that she is so much less of herself than she was two months ago, and I feel like it's my fault for leaving. How can this have happened? Does she need help? I try to put a pin in all the questions I have, but they cloud my thoughts and it's hard to think about anything else. I want to be excited that we’re finally together again, but excited is nowhere near the top of the list of the emotions I’m feeling right now.

"Orion's here!"

"Oh my god, O!"

"Ah! Orion! Cal, why didn't you tell us she was here?!"

"We've missed you so much!"

Suddenly there's a mini stampede of my bandmates, their partners, and some of our crew, all encircling us. It's a mess of limbs and excitement, and I'm pushed back from my girlfriend unwillingly. Everyone else now gets to feel just how frail she is.

Orion is grinning now, a fake smile plastered on her face while giving everyone hugs back and saying how happy she is to see them. Before I know it, Luke is picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder, carrying her inside. Everyone else follows. Orion giggles and tries to answer questions that everyone throws at her. They all are gone shortly, and I don't even realize that Ashton is still standing with me outside until he speaks.

"Alright, mate?" He asks, patting my back between my shoulders. When I lock eyes with him, he's sympathetic, as if he can tell something is wrong.

I don't know what's going on with Orion yet, so I don't want to start talking about it with Ashton. If it's an eating disorder, that's not something I can just share with him without her consent. As much as I want to describe what I just saw in my girlfriend and felt on her body, I can't tell him.

I clear my throat and plaster on a smile. "Yeah, just still in shock that she's here, I guess."

Ashton nods. “C’mon, let’s go save her.”

read next chapter

a/n: !!!!!!!!!!!! hi hope you liked this one!!!! drama is coming :) two cal pov's in a row who am i!!

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timelines-and-leylines · 4 months

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alright hamilton-loving ana/mia bitches i need to ask yall smth

as i've stated earlier, im writing a jamilton fic with tjeffs having bul1m1a so:

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dangerouslyclose · 11 months

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U.N.I - Felix

Pairing: Felix x fem!reader

Genre: Song Fic, Angst

TW: Swearing

Word Count: 2.7k

Song: U.N.I by Ed Sheeran

Bonus Song: Deep End by Felix

“Okay on the count of three. One, two, three!” You ripped open the envelope scanning the information quickly. “I got in!” You yelled finally looking up at Felix. “Why didn’t you open yours?”

Felix took a deep breath, “Y/N, I’m moving to Korea.”

“What? When?” You asked quietly.

“The end of the summer. I want to go to become an idol.” Felix frowned.

You felt the tears coming, “What about us going to uni together? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I didn’t know how to bring it up,” he sighed. “I’m so sorry baby.” Felix pulled your crying frame into his body. “We will work it out, love.”

“You’re not breaking up with me?” You ask through a sob.

“No! Baby, no. Not at all,” Felix kissed the top of your head. The two of you stayed cuddled up on the floor for a couple hours, not saying anything. Eventually you both fell asleep on the floor, waking up a few hours later. Felix groaned as he stretched, “Hello, beautiful.”

“I just had the weirdest dream,” you yawned. “I dreamed that we were opening our uni letters and you told me you were moving to Korea.” With one look to Felix’s eyes you could tell it wasn’t a dream. “Oh,” you whispered. “Well you know I will always support you and your dreams. And I’m going to have the coolest boyfriend in the whole world.” You smiled, “I am and will always be your number one fan, no matter what happens between us.”

********

You and Felix spent the entire summer together, on this particular day you decided to hang out by the pool and catch some of the last bit of sun as the summer was ending. “I think we should break up,” you said.

Felix is immediately taken aback trying to decide where this all came from, “what do you mean we should break up?”

“I'm just saying that with you going off to Korea, I think that it would be better if we just ended things now while you were here instead of you being thousands of miles away and deciding that this isn't going to work.”

Immediately there were tears in his eyes as he tried to think of what he could say to convince you that that was the last thing he wanted, “baby, no please. I really do think that we could make this work. No, I know that we could make this work and I want to be with you.”

You sighed trying to stop the tears that were pricking at the back of your eyes, “I love you, baby. I just don’t know if I can handle the long distance and we both know how busy you are going to be. Also I’m pretty sure when you debut they are going to make you break up with me anyway. I don’t think idols can have girlfriends.”

“I won’t tell them. I can keep it a secret from whatever company I end up with.” He sighed, the tears slowing down.

“Felix Lee we both know you cannot keep a secret for the life of you,” you lightly chuckled, causing a small smile to appear on his freckled face.

“Let me prove it to you. Please, don’t end us before we even give it a chance.” Felix was crying again.

You were now crying as well, “Alright.” You decided to drop it there, still having the same thoughts dance around in the back of your head.

Before you knew it the summer was over and you were standing with Felix in the airport. “Call me as soon as you land,” You said through tears.

“I promise baby,” Felix was also crying. “I love you, Y/N. We are going to make this work, okay?”

You nodded, leaning up to kiss his lips one last time, “I love you too, Felix”

********

“So it’s this competition and the winners get to debut as a group called Stray Kids. And get this there is another guy, Chris, who is also from Australia. He has become like an older brother to me,” Felix smiled through the screen.

“That’s amazing Lix, I am so proud of you. I know that you are going to debut and be the coolest one in the group,” you beamed back.

“How are you? How are classes going? Do you still like your roommates? Tell me everything,” Felix asked non-stop questions.

You laughed, “my life is definitely not as exciting as yours. Classes are going alright, it is just the first semester so it’s a lot of the basics. I still really like my roommates, they are all amazing. Actually I think that we are going to go out tonight to some club downtown.” Felix’s smile faltered for just a second, you didn’t notice because your roommate called for you at that exact moment. “I have to go get ready for tonight. I love you, Lix.” You smiled and kissed the phone screen.

“I love you too, Y/N.” Felix also kissed the phone screen, “Please be safe tonight and call me when you get home.

“Alright, yeah. Bye.” You hung up in a rush.

Felix sighed as the screen went black, rubbing his hands down his face. “What’s wrong?” Chan asked as he walked into the room.

“I just got off the phone with Y/N. She’s going out to some club downtown with her roommates and I guess I just wish I could be there with her. She hung up to get ready, but it seemed rushed and I don’t know, I just miss her and wish we could talk more.” Felix felt the tears start to form.

“That’s understandable. Maybe you two can find time to have a phone date sometime. Instead of just talking and catching up, ya’know.” Chan suggested.

Felix sniffled, “Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll ask Y/N about it next time we chat. Thanks, hyung.”

********

You reread the email over for what seemed like the 100th time. By now the tears have stopped and you were more angry than anything. How did they even find your email address? At the exact moment your phone lit up showing Felix’s bright face. You scoffed, “Hel-”

Before you could even get the word out Felix was already screaming, “Baby! I did it! I’m debuting! I’m in Stray Kids!” You could see the tears running down his face and the widest smile you had seen in a long time.

Tears immediately started streaming down your face, “Baby, I am so proud of you.” In that moment you decided that the inevitable could wait, right now you didn’t want to do anything that would make that man stop smiling.

“Baby, why are you crying?” Felix’s smile faltered anyway.

“Because I am so happy for you Lixie! I knew you could do it. I love you so much, baby. Go celebrate with the other members! You can call me later, okay?” You already dreaded that later phone call.

“Okay. I love you too, babe. I will call you later tonight! Bye!” Felix quickly hung up the phone. The sob that racked through your body was one of the most painful experiences you ever had. You didn’t think anything could hurt worse than what you were preparing to do. You were wrong, the look on Felix’s face was definitely the thing that hurt the worst.

“What?” Felix asked, eyes wide with shock.

“I can’t do this anymore Felix. We have to break up,” your voice is pretty even, forcing yourself to not cry.

“I don’t understand, when we talked earlier everything was fine. What happened? Did I do something wrong? Talk to me Y/N, we can fix this.” The cracks in his voice broke your heart and almost broke your resolve.

You needed to get this over with as quickly as possible, “I met someone else Felix. Someone who can actually be here for me. I told you I didn’t think I could do the long distance and I was right. I’m sorry. Please don’t contact me.”

“Bab-” You hung up the phone and immediately turned it off knowing that he would just keep calling. You collapsed onto the ground letting all the emotions of the day come out. Your roommates came in to figure out why you were screaming. They all ran to lay with you cuddling up to you.

********

“Sydney! It is amazing to be home!” Chan yelled into the microphone. “Felix and I haven’t been able to come home for such a long time. Felix do you have anything you want to say to our fellow Aussies?”

“Thank you so much for coming out and supporting us! You will never know how much it means to us. I actually want to take this time to slow things way down. I wrote this song very shortly after we debuted, and it just kinda sat there for a while. When we were asked to record a solo song I knew this was the one I had to record. There is one person who I hope will hear this song tonight, this is Deep End.” Felix smiled at the cheers.

How've you been? I guess you're fine It's been pretty long Since we've last seen Honestly Throughout my life Deep inside I never felt alive The way you used to touch my soul Was always so sweet and lovely No matter how far apart we were You'd always pick up the phone But now I'm truly all alone in this world I miss the way you felt so close to my bones

You stood in the crowd on the floor when the tears started to slowly trickle down your face. You had heard the song plenty of times, but hearing it live and knowing it was about you made it hurt so much worse.

I'm sinking in the deep end I'll just try To cry myself to sleep Please stop this pain If you hadn't changed Then I'd still be by your side If I gave you one more chance Can we go back again? You made me feel As if we were complete But now you're filled with nothing but conceit The times we had together were bittersweet (bittersweet) I miss the days we used to laugh and heal (Laugh and heal) The way you used to touch my soul Had always kept me whole You'd always read my text And ghost me like you wanted me gone Now I'm truly all alone in this world I miss the way you felt so close to my bones

By this point you were sobbing, your roommates all surrounded you hugging you close. You could barely breathe. That is when Chan spotted you, he had seen pictures of you all those years ago and you hadn’t changed a lot. He whispered something to his bodyguard and stood up to join Felix back in the middle of the stage as he finished his song.

I'm sinking in the deep end I'll just try To cry myself to sleep Please stop this pain If you hadn't changed Then I'd still be by your side If I gave you one last chance Can we go back again? Honestly Without you in my life Deep inside I've never felt alive

You pretty much cried throughout the rest of the concert, replaying the sad look in Felix’s eyes when he was singing Deep End. You know you had no right to his emotions anymore, but that didn’t stop you from caring. When the concert was over you heard a man's voice come from right behind you, “Excuse me miss, can you and your friends follow me?”

Anxiety instantly shot through you. Did he know you were here? He couldn’t possibly know that, “Um, yeah.” You gave a wide eyed stare to your roommates as they followed you, following the bodyguard. You were led to a room backstage and told to wait there for just a bit, but no further explanation than that.

You heard his voice before you saw him, “Chan what is going on?” The door quickly opened. Five years. It had been over five years since you had last seen Felix in person, last touched him. You almost ran to him out of instinct, but your roommate, Sara, was holding your hand and keeping you in your spot. Felix’s eyes grew incredibly wide, “Y/N?” He whispered your voice like he was afraid if he said it aloud you would disappear.

“Hi,” you whispered back, looking to the floor. There were a few seconds of awkward silence that seemed to stretch on forever. “I’m sorry,” you whispered again with tears already streaming.

“Let’s give them some space to talk,” Chan said quietly to Y/N’s roommates.

They got up and followed Chan out the door. As Sara was passing Felix she whispered, “Make her tell you about the email.” Felix looked over and caught her eyes as she was leaving.

“What email?” Felix asked voice louder now.

“Oi, fuck you Sara!” you said under your breath before looking up into Felix’s eyes. You took a deep breath, “I got an email around the time you were about to debut. It was from your company telling me that I had to break up with you. Something about a dating ban that they had for all their new groups, but that I had to be the one to break up with you.”

“What?” Felix’s eyes grew in shock once again. “Why didn’t you tell me? We could have figured something out together.” Tears were now starting to fall down his soft face.

You tried to breathe through the tears, “The email said that if they found out we were still dating they would have terminated your contract. I wasn’t going to stand between you and your dreams, Lix.”

The old nickname made his heart clench in his chest, “I am so sorry. I should have done something. I should have fought harder for you, for us. You were my everything.”

“I wouldn’t have let you risk your dream for me. You were my everything too, and that’s why I knew I had to let you go. You were my first love and a part of me will always love you. I am so stupidly proud of you Felix. I told you back in my bedroom over five years ago when you first told me you were going to Korea that I was and will always be your number one fan. And that never changed.” Your tears were starting to slow. You hoped that Felix could feel all the emotions you were pouring into your words.

Felix sniffed a couple times and wiped his hands on his face trying to dry his tears. “You were my first love too. And I know that I will always love you, forever. Can I ask a selfish question?” This piqued your interest because as long as you had known Felix he was never the selfish type. You hummed waiting for him to continue. “Can I hug you?” he sniffled once more.

A small smile appeared on your face as you stood up and opened your arms. Felix practically ran into them and crashed all his body weight on you. You instinctively brought your fingers up to his hair and started lightly scratching his scalp. Shushing him as he cried into your chest. In that moment, if you closed your eyes it almost felt like you were back in high school in your bedroom, cuddled up close to one another. In that moment, you wish you could have been selfish all those years ago and choose your relationship instead of breaking both of your hearts. But you knew deep down that you did the right thing by letting him go. And soon you would have to do it again, in a more literal sense. But for now you just held on tight to the man who would always have your heart.

A/N- I honestly couldn’t figure out if I wanted the ending to be sad or happy, so I did like a middle one. haha, I definitely could have made it more angsty or more fluffy. I have decided that the next one I do will be all fluff! I am just starting to get into writing again so feedback is always welcomed! I am hoping to take requests soon as well. Thank you for reading! xx -Nico

#skz #skz Felix #skz x reader #skz x y/n #skz x you #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids angst #skz angst #skz felix x reader #stray kids felix #skz chan #stray kids chan #stray kids felix angst #song fic #ed sheeran #uni

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polaroidsofprongs · 4 months

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THE ADVENT CALENDAR IS FINISHED

#marauders #mary mcdonald #sirius black #wolfstar #james potter #lily evans #fanfic #fic #remus lupin #jily #remus x sirius #the marauders #jegulus #tagging this whilst listening to ed sheeran is a vibe honestly #james and sirius #marauders era #dorlene #dorcas meadowes

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kimbapisnotsushi · 1 year

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i am getting SO many good songs just sitting here and studying in the boba café

#idk the names of the regular employees but i can tell who’s here based on the playlist #when it’s basic top forties radio stuff like ed sheeran or old maroon 5 it’s this really tall guy #when it’s like slowmo covers and random indie shit it’s this one girl who i’ve actually never seen before?#i think she’s a newbie #OH MY GOD GUYS NEW FIC IDEA #regular customer x cafe employee and it starts with the customer really digging the music #sou says stuff

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earthtooz · 9 months

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slowly withering inside knowing that i don't have time to write a reo friends to lovers fic based on that one line from 'cruel summer' by taylor swift that goes 'i love you, ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard' as the confession.

#earfsmercury #i have so many fic ideas rn #i have one for tartaglia too EWWWWWWW not the GINGERRR #unironically it's literally a song by ed sheeran hELP

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sorrygotthesesacks · 4 months

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Gonna try something stupid that will hopefully be funny.

I will take a few lines of dialogue from some of my fics and then Google translate these lines several times through different languages and then back to English.

Oh! I’m-a use Papago instead of Google translate because that returns comedy gold with just one translation. Imagine the word casserole that it will spit back after several translations.

I mean to say - enjoy the very very accurate translations below.

From Cuckoos and Crocodiles:

His door opened wide. - You know that? Cerebro put his head in the room and asked.

- Didn't you hear your heart beat? Seebeck turned around and crashed.

Eunji stared at him - "Yes," he said. But your door was open. His eyes fell on an object in Seebeck's hands. - Proteins?

From More Than Friends:

"I don't like coming here," complained AlDS. « I'm afraid of vibrations.”

Deuce saw him. "I love it"

He snored. "Of course I will.”

"What does that mean?”

In other words, the taste for friends is questionable.

"You're my friend," Deuce said.

From Totes Adorbs:

Mr. Liddle took the book with his other hand and shouted "You're angry", crossing the claws with Floyd in the form of half a box with one hand. "It's really annoying. It's annoying. I'm upset," he concluded.

Floyd, like Riddle Review, found the choice of words interesting. It doesn't start with an "i."

#fic excerpts #mangled by multiple translations #like those google translate songs but not as catchy #now in my head is that translation of this one ed sheeran song #instead of ‘the shape of you’ the lyric was ‘I like shapes’#this is just as accurate

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robin-the-enby · 2 years

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I can't stop.

Pairing: Vincent Sinclair x gn!reader

Warnings: eating disorders, disordered eating habits, self hate, suicidal thoughts (hinted at), just general angst

A/N: I'm sorry, I really hope this won't trigger anyone. I'm having a hard time with food lately and I needed to get it out. I am just writing about my experiences, every prrson has different problems. This can be read as either romantic or platonic, also, reader knows sign language.

He would often see you in the kitchen cooking dinner for him and Bo and ocassionally Lester when he'd come around. But he knew damn well you weren't going to eat any of it.

You'd react to all the compliments from his brothets with a truly grateful smile, but while they'd be getting seconds, you were still poking around your plate, putting tiny pieces of this and that in your mouth from time to time. And when everyone was done, you placed the leftovers into a container, which was sure to be taken care of by Bo the next day when he'd take it for lunch or you'd talk Lester into taking it with him to his.

Vincent knew damn well how Lester hid his worry behind the bashful smile. He didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but how wwas he supposed to take your meal away from you? The masked artist suspected you didn't really buy his half fake modesty, but that didn't deter you from laughing gently while insisting Lester takes the container, because it would dissapoint you if he wouldn't.

And Bo...well, Bo had to know. Because he was Bo. And because of the same reason, he didn't say anything. But Vincent didn't miss the sadness and worry in his twins' eyes when every morning, while Bo and Vincent were enjoying their breakfast, you were quietly hesitating on how many teaspoons of sugar to put in your tea.

But, for some reason, nobody did a goddamn thing. Everyone pretendid everything was fine, yet all four of you knew that domestic sweetness was fake. A thin plastic wrap that would tear with the first sharp word. But Vincent felt suffocated and something inside him told him he wasn't alone.

It was strangely haunting, seeing you go through all those strange rituals as if it was the easiest thing to do. Every day, all your portions were exactly the same. The exact same food at exactly the same time. But there were times your routine was interrupted. In those moments you were so preoccupied in calculating and speculating and imagining that the sculptor could practically see the smoke coming from your ears and you didn't even know he was there. The way your hands hovered over the door handle of the fridge, retracting them and then reaching out again at least three times before you opened it only to open it and repeat.

Sometimes Bo would catch you like this as well and he'd playfully scold you and joke about how the food isn't going to run away. You'd all but slam the door shut with a terrified look on your face. The air would ve filled with tense silence for a bit as Bo's chuckling would die out and you'd wring your hands together nervously, a habit of yours the brothers noticed.

Or when sometimes during movie night, if he could call it that, after you'd politely decline the snacks offered to you, you'd suddenly go into the kitchen and open up different cupboards with food ranging from sweets to fruit. You never really ate any of it, you just looked at it, sometimes picked it up, before putting it back and rejoining them in front of the tv.

It was when he saw the measuring tape placed in the cup with your toothbrush and toothpaste was what made him realize how severe the situation could get if it wasn't already.

Vincent's had enough. He wasn't mad at you, no, quite the opposite. His heart was breaking for you, seeing you lose yourself to the thoughts speeding through your brain every minute of every day, getting consumed by the very thing that should be keeping you happy, letting the thing that was supposed to keep you alive slowly kill you.

He texted Bo and Lester for a bit, just to let them know what he was planning to do and to discuss the best type of approach with them, because the brothers knew how important right communication was in their line of business. And when all was said and agreep upon, it was time to act.

The house was empty, it was just after dinner, Bo was in the barhroom taking a shower and you set up to wash the dishes. While trying not to get grossed out by the soppy bits of food stuck to the plates and whatnot, Vincent, ever so quiet, stopped next to you and grabbed a towel to dry whatever you'd wash.

At first it was quiet, peaceful almost. And yet there was a tension in the air and something told the artist he wasn't the only one who felt it.

Surprisingly, it was you who broke the ice "Is something the matter?" you asked, glancing at the masked man with worry. Vincent looked down at the fork he was drying and nodded a few times.

Feeling your wet hand grab his as it abandoned its task, the action prompted him to look at you. He knew that look. In just a few seconds you would start fussing over him, bless your soul. You had no idea what was actually going on.

Setting down the towel and the dried fork, Vincent hesitated, but as soon as you opened your mouth to no doubt try and coax him into talking, he signed "You didn't eat your dinner."

He noticed your throat move as you swallowed wjile you froze. In a moment, it was gone and you shrugged, suddenly seeming uninterested "Yeah...But it's no big deal, I wasn't really hungry." you said and began to turn away from him, wanting to continue washing the dishes, but Vincent wouldn't let you do that. It wasn't fair that you were prepared to fuss over him until he'd resolve anyproblem he had but as soon as you were the topic of the conversation, you shut yourself off. For a fleeting moment he thought if Bo was rubbing off on you, before chasing those thoughts away. Now it was his turn to grab your hand, a biz wrinkly from the water already.

"You never eat dinner." the man signed, his eye staring right at you as if it was trying to dig into your skull. "Yeah, well, I don't get hungry much." you shrugged, your gaze falling to the floor as your hands began their usual nervous dance, where knuckles were popped and fingers pulled.

Vincent knew you were trying to avoid the issue he was pointing out, but due to how you acted, he could feel the imaginary wrap stretching uncomfortably.

"That's not really healthy." His hands moved smoothly as he tilted his head. You frowned "What I did before was unhealthy. I'm much better now." Just who were you trying to assure? Him or yourself? Vincent thought as his hands moved more frantically "You don't seriously think that."

"It's not easy, but following any schedule isn't. I'm handling it. I have it under control." You said sternly as you awaited his comeback. "For how long though?" Came a simple question. "When will it be enough? When will you allow yorself to stop?" Another one and another right after. You kept silent, your lips pursed.

"Never." Vincent answered himself. "Why are you doing this?" you asked quietly, but it still didn't hide how your voice quivered. "I could ask you the same thing." He signed and then waited.

You chuckled and brought your hands to your eyes to wipe away the moisture beginning to form there. "I wanted to be better. This just seemed like the easiest thing to start with." you took a deep breatg "I tried, so hard. But then...it wasn't enough. The results weren't good enough, the changes weren't fast enough." You looked up at the celining, noticing the cobwebs in the corner that you'd need to get rid off.

"So I adjustes. And again and again." you shut your eyes tightly as your voice began to strain "When you try over and over again with very little results, it makes you want to give up. But I can't, Vincent. I've worked so hard to get to where I am, if I stopped now, all the pain would be for nothing." You nodded your head, dropping your gaze to the floor as you let your tears 'plip plop' on the floor "I wanted to be better. Now I just want to disappear."

When the first sob ripped out of your throat, it was already muffled by the fabric of an old sweater which you clung onto as if your life dependee on it.

#angst #tw eating issues #tw ed vent #tw ed not sheeran #slashers #slashers x reader #gn reader #x gn reader #house of wax #vincent sinclair #vincent sinclair x reader #vincent sinclair x you #bo sinclair #lester sinclair #vent fic #vent #tw vent

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its-tortle · 6 months

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the dan and phil video healed me actually

#it is so truly 2013 again #between my drarry fic and my sims obsession and my ed sheeran playlist and dnp #lets go #shut up tortle

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milflewis · 2 years

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sewis + ed sheeran concert xD

pls i hate you. THEY LOOK ALIKE OK. THEY JUST DO. but this was fun to write. i did write it on the plane last night so sorry if it’s shit and pls excuse any mistakes i haven’t gone over it since i wrote it

“Who’s that?” Seb asks, frowning slightly, eyes narrowed. With his head titled like that, curls glowing light at the edges in the evening sun, he could be ten years younger, even with the beard. Lewis’s fingers itch with the want to run them through it.

“The person singing?” Lewis asks, incredulous inspite of himself. He of all people should know how out of touch Sebastian can be with what’s current and hot right now.

“Yeah, sounds like something Charles would listen to” Seb says, waving a hand around in the general direction of the concert hall across the river. There’s a faint boom hum of thousands of voices screaming in unison. God, Lewis misses that. The scream and shout, bodies moving, lights flashing, feet stamping.

Lewis watches Seb’s hand come down to push his hair back, only for the curls to flop back down. He shoves his own hands into his pockets so he doesn’t grab Seb’s hand and hold it in his own, palms only slightly gross with a thin layer of summer sweat.

Maybe Seb will come with him to a concert this break. Even though he hates them, Lewis thinks he might just be able to persuade him. It’s been years since Sebastian last told him no.

Still, Lewis doesn’t like to push it, to push him, to push this thing between him. This small hard won thing that feels so frail for something so weathered sometimes. It’s still so new. They’re still so new.

“It’s Ed Sheeran.”

“Sheeran?” Seb asks in the same tone of voice as when he asked your website’s called graining? raining or graining? in that interview last year. Something in Lewis’s chest flips even as he rolls his eyes, knowing the joke is going to awful. Sebastian’s eyes are already laughing as his mouth widens into a smile.

“What, like you do to a sheep?”

Lewis groans, shoving him off the path, leaves crunching under his feet as Sebastian stumbles a step, giggling.

“You’re losing your touch, man. That was so bad.”

“Yeah?” Seb grins, eyebrows waggling because he’s thirty-one and a four time world champion but he’s still the same guy who, on his first day, smiled into Fernando’s face and told him to turn that frown upside down or his face would be stuck like that forever. Lewis wonders if he should hate how attractive he finds cocky ridiculous Seb.

He’s so obnoxious, Lewis thinks. Is this how Mark felt, he thinks and swallows back a grimace.

“Yeah, you are,” Lewis says, instead of anything he was thinking. Sebastian would find it way too funny for Lewis to ever tell him.

Seb hums, hopping back on the path, knocking his shoulder into Lewis’s. The back of his hand brushes against Lewis’s, hair tickling his knuckles for a second before moving away.

“I could show you how little of my touch I’ve lost,” Sebastian says, voice dropping low, grin deepening into something slow and quiet, lifting up one side of his face more than the other.

Okay, Lewis thinks, I hate that I find this attractive. He doesn’t say that to Seb either but something tells him he already knows. When did I become easy for you? When did you know?

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Lewis laughs. “Anyway, we’re way too old to be fucking in the bushes.”

Seb makes an offended noise in the back of his throat, like a startled cat who’s just had their tail stepped on. “Bushes,” he scoffs, the effect a little ruined by his growing smirk. He never was able to hide when he thought he was being particularly funny, or clever, or both if you let him tell it.

“I was thinking more along the lines of a public toilet. We passed one about five minutes ago.” He flips a coin in the air, metal glinting and shining in the sun. “It’s on me.”

Lewis laughs again. “Really? That’s how cheap you think I am? Two euro?”

Seb rolls his eyes, “No, of course not.”

He grins and Lewis loves him, he really, truly does, even though it’s too new, too strong, too much, too everything Lewis said he’d do differently this time, do better with Seb. The thought is soft and deliberate despite it all. “You’re worth at least a fiver.”

Lewis’s laugh is loud enough this time that it startles some birds from the trees beside him.

#ed sheeran and rupert grint are practically the same person and i will not apologise for telling the truth #pls i was wrong ONE time and you’ll never let me forget it #hope you like this bestie #sewis #one! braincell bestie #stuff i wrote #f1 rpf fic #niamh.asks #fic.asks

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basicallyahedgehog · 2 years

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Hello!! My friend!! I’m so excited for your song prompt list.

I would like to request song 13 pretty please! 💛💛💛

Ily and I can’t wait to see what you do with it!

PHOEBE!! My absolute love, my brain twin. You picked "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran.

To be honest this doesn't have a super exciting story, it's just a song I associate with my husband because 1. we were young when we fell in love and 2. he will always be perfect to me, flaws and all. The acoustic version with Beyoncé came out just after we got married, but if it was released earlier it may have been in our ceremony.

Umm, so, this thing grew a life of its own. I hope you like it

With You Between My Arms

CW: Vague implications of underage drinking, could be read as implied mpreg, but it's really up to your interpretation, canon-typical self-esteem issues

For reasons known only to herself, McGonagall had decided that a graduation ball was a great idea, as if this class hadn’t been through enough. Deadly situations every year, an entire war, returning to a school full of children even though they felt one hundred years older. And now a Merlin-forsaken ball.

Hermione had scoffed at him, told him he was being melodramatic. Ron had clapped him on the shoulder. “If you can survive multiple encounters with dragons I reckon you can survive this, mate.”

They were wrong, though. Because dragons weren’t nearly this scary. Or, well, real dragons weren’t this scary. Their namesakes, on the other hand, were terrifying.

Harry had spent the last month trying to convince himself to ask Draco to the ball, only to chicken out at the last minute every time. Sure, they were friends now, but that didn’t mean that Draco wanted to go to a ball with him. Him, Harry, who still woke up screaming most nights and dissasociated during class and couldn’t talk to his crush without saying something stupid.

Sometimes, he could almost believe that Draco would have said yes. That the casual touches and the dimpled smiles and the strokes against his forehead in the middle of the night actually meant something. But he was Harry, and Draco was Draco, and asking him to the ball was only going to lead to heartbreak.

All this and more was whirring through Harry’s mind as he stood against the wall, pretending to guard the punch. If he wasn’t going to dance he might as well be vaguely useful. Or at least, that’s what he had told Ron and Hermione. In reality, his current position afforded the perfect view of Draco who was dancing with his friends.

Or, he had been dancing with his friends.

Why was Draco coming his way? Perfect, beautiful Draco in his tailored robes, his honey hair glinting under the candlelight.

Why was he looking at Harry like that?

“Looking for an opportunity to spike the punch, Potter?”

Harry blinked. Whatever he had expected Draco to say, it wasn’t that.

“I’m meant to be preventing that, actually.” He smiled ruefully. “I wouldn’t try it though, I think I’ve failed at least five times. It’s probably more lethal than anything Aberforth sells at this point.”

“Come and dance with me, then,” Draco says, holding out his hand, palm up.

“W-what?” Harry trips over himself, unbelieving that this could be happening.

“There’s no point in guarding an already-inebriated punch bowl.” Draco shook his hand slightly, as if to say ‘come on, what are you waiting for?’

Trying to squash his hope - this isn’t what it looks like, he just wants to have a friendly dance, don’t be an idiot - Harry takes Draco’s hand, allowing himself to be led onto the dancefloor. He runs his free hand through his hair, trying in vain to tame his ever-messy curls.

“Dont,” Draco murmurs, grabbing Harry’s hand from his hair and placing it on his own shoulder. “The messy look suits you.”

Harry can only gulp as Draco wraps his arm around Harry’s waist, pulling them flush against each other. “Is this ok?” Draco whispers, as if Harry’s dreams hadn’t all just come true.

“Perfect.”

The lights flashed around them, reflecting off Harry’s glasses as he turned towards Draco, drinks in hand. His hair was even messier than usual, a result of Harry’s nervous ticks and Draco’s own hands. He didn’t think he would ever get tired of running his hands through Harry’s hair, down the back of his neck. Even when they were purely platonic, curled up on the common room couch after one of Harry’s nightmares, Draco had delighted in those curls, teasing out the knots, soothing Harry’s panic with gentle caresses.

Now, though, he got to run his hands through Harry’s hair whenever he wanted. He tangled the curls around his fingers when they kissed, tugging them just the way that Harry liked. He massaged shampoo through Harry’s hair, caressing his scalp until he hummed sleepily. He carded through Harry’s hair in the mornings, settling it back down from the daily hedgehog look his boyfriend always woke up with.

Draco realised that definitely had a kink for Harry’s hair, but he couldn’t bring himself to be ashamed of it. Harry’s hair had a life of its own, how could he not be obsessed with it?

All that to say, Draco barely paid attention to the drink Harry handed him, instead focusing on the piece of hair currently climbing its way down Harry’s face towards his eye. Reflexively taking a sip of his drink, Draco reached out with his other hand to tuck the wayward curl behind Harry’s ear. He had never expected to feel this fond of Harry, this soft. But, Merlin, this man had done something to him, and he never wanted to go back to how he was before.

After another barely-noticed sip Draco gave his drink up as lost, gently removing Harry’s from his hand and tugging him onto the dance floor.

The subsequent dance was too slow and too tender for a nightclub, but with Harry in his arms, head tucked securely under Draco’s chin, neither of them could bring themselves to care.

Harry was silent as he walked through the cottage. He had no recollection of this place, and yet the whole building felt suffused with warmth and familiarity. It was as if the very wallpaper was welcoming him home.

------

He took his time, wandering up and down the stairs, in and out of each room countless times. His fingers trailed along the walls, the counters, the bannisters. He was sure that he had started crying at some point, but all he could feel was joy.

Joy, and an overwhelming love for the man waiting for him in the tiny little garden out the back.

“You did this, for me?”

It seemed impossible, but Draco’s gaze continued to soften as Harry walked towards him. “I understand if you don’t want to live here, Love.” Draco drew Harry to his chest, stroking a strong back, fingers running through tangled curls. “But I thought that you deserved to see it how it should be. How your parents intended you to see it.”

Harry didn’t think that he could speak just then, so he burrowed further into Draco’s embrace, soaking his boyfriend’s shirt with his tears. He didn’t know how long they stood like that for, simply holding each other close. It could have been minutes or hours before he realised that they were swaying gently back and forth, Draco steering him almost imperceptibly in circles across the neatly trimmed grass.

They danced as the sun slowly sank below the horizon, as Harry’s tears turned to giggles, as their lazy sways turned to silly dips and spins.

As the final vestiges of light disappeared Harry drew Draco’s forehead to his own, slowing them back down into a gentle transfer of weight back and forth.

“I would be honoured to share this home with you.”

---------

Draco arrived home to a cold, dark house. He didn’t have time to feel worried, however, before a shrill cry rang through the house. Hanging his coat by the door he made his way to their cozy living room, using his wand to light the fire and send the dirty bottles to the kitchen. By the state of the room, it had been a tough day in the cottage.

Jamie had continued to cry, and as Draco turned to face Harry his heart broke. Harry had Jamie snuggled against his chest, shushing the fretting baby as he bounced on the balls of his feet. Judging from the fatigue lines on his face, the pair had been here for hours. What really tugged at Draco’s heart, however, were the tears coursing down Harry’s own cheeks, and when he listened closely he could hear the tell-tale hitches that indicated that father was crying along with his son.

Harry was the strongest person he knew, only ever giving into his emotions when he had reached the very end of his rope. Draco had been trying to get him to open up more, but it was clear that Harry had not broken down by choice.

“Oh, Love,” Draco whispered, reaching to take the baby. “How long has he been like this?”

Draco didn’t think it was possible, but Harry’s face crumpled even further as he sank into the couch, hands tangled in his messy hair.

“Since noon.” Harry’s voice was muffled by the hands now on his face, but Draco could still hear the despair and, gut-wrenchingly, self-loathing in his words. Torn between his still-fussy baby and his distraught boyfriend, Draco held Jamie firmly against his chest with one hand, running the other soothing through Harry’s hair.

“Darling, I’m so sorry.” Draco kept his voice low, trying to sooth both father and son. “You should have called me, Love. I would have come home.”

Harry looked up at him, tears still running down his face. “You had that important meeting. I didn’t want to bother you just because I’m a terrible father.”

Draco knelt in front of Harry, gently guiding his chin until he gained eye contact. “Sweetheart, having a fussy baby does not make you a terrible father. Jamie is the luckiest baby in the world, because he has you as his daddy.” At Harry’s sniffle, Draco placed a light kiss on his lips. “And if you think that there is anything on this earth that is more important to me than you and Jamie, I haven’t been doing my job as your partner.”

Harry dropped his head onto Draco’s chest, right next to Jamie. Draco wondered whether his heartbeat was as soothing to Harry as it was to the tiny baby now clutching Harry’s hair.

“I did call Molly,” Harry whispered, “but she couldn’t get him to calm down either. She eventually suggested that I should just put him in his cot for a while so I could have a break, but-”

Harry’s voice broke, and it was only his head against Draco’s chest that stopped Molly from getting an unexpected visit. Draco loved Harry’s surrogate mum, he really did, but sometimes it was like she forgot Harry’s trauma and when she did, it made Draco’s blood boil.

“I couldn’t just leave him,” Harry hiccoughed, his tears drenching Draco’s business shirt. “He was so upset, Love, and the thought of him lying there, thinking he was all alone. I just-”

“Shh, Harry. Shh, Sweetheart.” Draco vaguely registered tears running down his own face, falling into Harry’s messy curls, onto the sweet baby fluff on Jamie’s head. Jamie, who had nuzzled himself between Harry and Draco’s bodies, and was now happily sleeping, his thumb stuck in his perfect little mouth.

“Here, Love.” Draco stood carefully, guiding Harry up with him to avoid stirring Jamie. Pulling Harry against him, Jamie sandwiched gently between them, Draco began to sway.

“See, that’s just proof that you aren’t a terrible father, Harry.” Harry rested his head on Draco’s shoulder, an act of trust that Draco still couldn’t believe that he was afforded. “You spent six hours loving on our baby, even though it was hard. You could have walked away, Love, but you didn’t.”

“But I couldn’t stop him crying. I should know how to stop my baby crying.”

“If the roles were reversed, if I was the one who had been home all day, would you blame me?”

Harry’s head snapped up, eyes wide with shock. “What? No! Babies are just like that someti-” He chuckled ruefully. “Oh.”

Draco placed his lips against Harry’s forehead. “Yes, oh. Silly.”

Harry sighed and laid his head back on Draco’s shoulder, allowing himself to be calmed by Draco’s gentle swaying. It could have been minutes or hours, but here, in this moment, Draco had everything he had ever wanted.

“Harry, Love,” Draco whispered, nudging Harry’s face up towards him. “Marry me.”

Harry’s feet stopped, almost tripping Draco. A reflexive hand on Jamie’s back, he stared into Draco’s face.

“Draco, what?”

“Marry me.” Draco tugged Harry back in, as flush as they could be with a baby between them. “And no, I’m not just saying this because you’ve had a bad day. I have a-a ring and a plan and-”

Harry cut him off with a kiss.

“Yes.”

This time it was Draco who stopped swaying.

“A-are you sure? I can ask properly. It’s just, I realised that you are my everything. You and Jamie. And I wanted you to know that and-”

“Yes, Draco,” Harry laughed, placing kisses all over Draco’s face. “Yes I will marry you.”

And even though Harry’s face was splotchy and Draco’s shirt was covered in tears and baby snot, here, in this moment, everything was perfect.

For a song-fic, send me a number between 1 and 35 and I will write a ficlet based on a song that reminds me of my husband :)

#drarry #draco malfoy #harry potter #drarry fic #ed sheeran #song fics #song prompts #basically just a lot of fluff #tiny bits of hurt comfort #but just lots of soft boys

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