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Sunset to midday: Shinkane in daylight

So this screenshot is the thing that made me finally put together this post:

Cuz where is Kogami? On a balcony. And it looks like it is after dark, which makes the Inner Nerd in me go Squee! because they might be playing this into the overall parallels of balconies and sunlight that make this post tick.

The sunlight--or lack thereof--reflects their feelings in specific Shinkane scenes. Now, it’s not all Shinkane scenes, of course, and if I missed anything, please let me know.

Thanks for prodding me to finish this, @shikkokans​. It took me A LONG WHILE, and I kept forgetting to post it for a long time (RIP me) but! Here it is.

So, my other disclaimer: this is a Shinkane blog. Other PP ships are of course Very Cool and Very Awesome and Very Sexy, but Shinkane is, of course, the lens I am going to light this up, just like how Kogami lights his smokes. Cool? Cool.😊

Akane learns about Kogami’s fall from high-paid Inspector to super-depressed Enforcer about a third of the way through Season 1. Here she is, standing on the afternoon balcony* as Gino delivers the news:

The skyline here has a lot of yellow, but some purple / pink is JUST (and I mean just) visible in the bottom left corner as the early afternoon creeps on. Keep that in mind for later.

Some Shit Happens, and Kogami breaks his promise to her to be a detective and escapes to kill Makishima. And here she is, in the Middle of All That Shit, reading his goodbye letter as early evening (i think of this as about 5 pm? golden hour, I guess?) sets in across the city:

It’s yellow, yes, and blue, and the purple is creeping in on the right side. Much more colorful than the last instance, yes? Also: Goddammit, Kogami.

Akane is Absolutely Not Giving Up, so she makes it her mission to track him down. More Shit Happens and she succeeds, but in a way that smashes her faith in her own constructed society. To catch Kogami she has made a deal with the Sibyl System. (Now, Akane doesn’t read to me a character to break her promises, but who knows? Also, I wouldn't extend that same courtesy to the System.) When she finds Kogami, Akane works with him to try and bring down Makishima, even though their perspectives don’t necessarily align. As this happens, the sun begins to set across the valley.

It does not go super well for her.

The violet / purple is pretty strong here, against the gold in the sky and of the hyper oat field, all below the various pinks and reds of the setting sun. (This is also the scene where we see Kogami’s concern for her reflected in his eyes.) Kogami almost loses his shit when he sees her clinging to the back of that truck. When he reaches her after the crash and calms himself down, he leaves her on the tarmac. Then, he takes back Masaoka’s gun and gives chase. As the sun sets, Kogami catches up to and shoots Makishima, forcing them (read: Shinkane) into darkness.

(Also: romantic or platonic, tell me that’s not love.)

The next time she tracks him down, it’s blue blue blue at the movie’s midnight.

She is seen here, practicing Romeo, oh Romeo on this balcony. (I kid.) There is no way Kogami is coming back to Japan, of course. But she still had to try.

Also, as a side note, in the beginning of S1 the show features her walking behind him and quite specifically looking for his advice. In this, her back is to him while he looks to her for advice, a reversal of their usual positions. (Development baby!)

So, the next screenshot is from Sinners of the System. We get a reflective Kogami, here, staring at the rising sun:

Again, notice the purple and the pink pushing away the deep blue of midnight. (This is the shot that started this whole deal, since the color palate is so similar to other Shinkane-focused scenes, and here we are.) My own super lame joke is that this is him realizing the dawn of his own feelings for Akane; but don’t be me, dudes. Take it as you will.

So, he agrees to go back to Japan at the end of Sinners, only to find Akane locked up in a detention center. The audience (me; I’m the audience) has no idea why she is in the detention center, but there she is.

This was . . . not the reunion he had in mind. The only light here is faded and yellow and artificial (which brings to mind their movie meeting on the midnight balcony; but this is somehow worse . . . and hey, check out those iron bars stationed between them). Keep in mind that they don’t face each other in this scene, until the very end.

But! With some finagling from Homura, Akane is eventually released. Here is what she sees to greet her:

Look at the sunlight as she escapes her cage:

Now she can finally face him in the full sunlight, one on one, to tell him . . . they are getting lunch. I mean, Kogami is surprised, too. (Her top looks like a heart, here, and think of who she is with . . . either way, SUPER cute.) But, considering where she is going, it’s still nice to return to normal for just a little while with one of her favorite people.

Kogami obliges.*

So there you go: the track of the sun mirroring their developing relationship.

I’m nervous and excited to find out what happened / what will happen between them when the next part releases, and I’ll be hanging on for all 30 of those seconds. Until then, thanks for reading! 😊

*A lot of this happens on balconies . . . like in that famous scene from that play . . . and if you couple that with Target: Juliette from the film . . . it makes me SUPER nervous, is all I’m saying.

*So in English "going out to eat” can be understood in two ways. One is clear, the other is NSFW. Now, I don’t know Japanese or have any idea if this is at all or in any way intentional. But in my headcanon, they are indulging in some NSFW fine dining.

Wasted Summers

Summary: Leon has always hated the summertime. The heat makes him exhausted, depressed- and some days, he can hardly move from his bed.

At least he won’t have to spend those summers alone anymore, though. Not now that Luis is by his side. But Leon still can’t help but let his mind wander….

Content Warnings: Depression/Seasonal Depression, Dissociation, Gender Dysphoria, emotional hurt/comfort (this is a very fluffy fic I promise BXBEHENEJD)

Rating: G

Fic below cut!!

Notes:

Hiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! So I wrote this a little while back when it was starting to get hotter in my area and I have MAAAAAAJOR seasonal depression like I get SO SICK during the summertime, so I decided to project that onto Leon!!!!! It was a nice character study and ofc I’m a sucker for Luis and Leon taking care of each other through their bests and their worsts <<33

The song in the title is Wasted Summers by JuJu!!

—————————————————————————

The thin summer curtains swung lazily from side-to-side just out of the corner of Leon’s eye, being blown gently by the cold breeze from outside his open window; cracked slightly to let the fresh afternoon air inside his usually rather stuffy room.

The breeze was cold- cold enough to warrant a blanket thrown languidly over his legs, but not nearly cold enough for Leon to bundle himself under them. The sun was bright and if you stood outside, you’d be sweating within minutes, but his room was angled perfectly to enjoy a nice breezy afternoon without getting too warm.

At least in theory. In actuality, though, Leon was a walking furnace. And having Luis curled up little-spoon style with his back against his chest wasn't helping the heat much, either.

Luis was like one of those massive dogs that don’t know their size yet still insist on sitting in your lap. He was tall- shockingly taller than Leon- and was probably made up of 95% limbs. At least that was the running joke between them.

Leon never minded, though. Not in a million years.

He’d take holding Luis’ body in an uncomfortably awkward position on the bed any day over cradling him dead.

Which, if you’d seen the state Luis was in almost a whole year ago from now- all the way back in Valdelobos, Spain- you’d think that would have been inevitable.

But by some divine act of God, Luis had survived.

Leon could physically feel his heartbeat when he lay his hands on his chest- As if to confirm to his brain that, yes, Luis is right here- Real and breathing and alive. And also lying curled up in his arms practically snoring the afternoon away.

Leon smiled to himself; afternoons like this had become his favorite routine. In between being the President's personal bodyguard and running around fixing other people's mess, his lunch breaks usually lasted a couple hours at around 3:00 PM. Which, conveniently enough, was the same time Luis would get let out of work.

He usually would wake up at atrociously early hours of the morning (Leon simply does not let him get up before 4:00 AM, no matter what the Lab wants) and sometimes even took the Night Shift if there was nobody else to cover it, warranting the late send-off time.

It worked out pretty perfectly for the both of them. Leon would pick Luis up from the Labs on his lunch break (And, most of the time, Luis would already be at the door like an excitable kid waiting for their parent to pick them up from school- If Luis had a tail, Leon swore it would wag every time he saw him) And would take him home for an afternoon nap not too unsimilar to this one.

The plea deal after bringing Luis home was that he��d join Leon on his missions whenever they occurred. But for whatever reason, Leon was almost never sent on Ops during the summertime. Bioterrorism just conveniently didn’t like popping up whenever it got hot, he supposed.

Which sounded great on paper. But in actuality; Leon hated summer.

He hated it for a long time, in his defense. If he had to trace back where exactly it began; he guessed around the time his gender dysphoria really started to kick in.

The heat meant less clothes, and less clothes meant more dysphoria- He’d try his damndest to cover himself up with light hoodies and bind with whatever fabrics he could find in the old Academy lost-and-found boxes, but to no avail.

Even years after his Testosterone and Military Training had sculpted out his body and offered him more freedom, he still dreaded summer.

He’s heard of people saying that they felt worse in the winter; that the cold weather and dark sky made them tired and depressed. But for Leon, it was the opposite.

The hot sun made him feel constantly sleepy 24/7 and his clothes always seemed to cling to his skin with sweat uncomfortably. He felt groggy no matter how much sleep he’d gotten the night before, and he’d wake up from naps still feeling drained.

The days seemed to last forever, and the fan beside his bed would become his best friend.

The government he was forced to work for called it laziness; Leon called it seasonal depression.

So he slept his summers away. But at least this time he wouldn’t be alone.

Leon felt a little bad- even with Luis curled up in his arms with a small smile on his sleeping figure, the blonde couldn’t help but feel a small pang of guilt thinking about all the ways they could be enjoying their summer together outside of sleeping the days away in bed.

Leon could have taken Luis to the movies. Or the beach. Or to a carnival- something so perfectly cheesy and romantic that his trope-loving knight in shining armor couldn’t refuse.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt Luis shuffle down further into his arms. The sleeves of his shirt rolled up his forearms and exposed the soft arm hair underneath, and Leon instinctively did the same. He sighed in relief as he felt the cool air from the window hit his skin.

Looking for more of that relief, Leon shuffled his leg out from underneath the blankets and practically threw it over Luis’ waist; an awkward position to be sure, but all Luis did in response was sigh in his sleep, so Leon was confident he didn’t mind.

Leon began to card his fingers lazily through his lovers hair, admiring how soft it was even without having been washed for a couple days.

He let his mind wander as he closed his eyes and buried his nose against Luis’ skin- taking in the familiar scent of leather and cigarettes.

He wondered what Luis’ summers used to look like before he met Leon. Did he used to go fishing in that lake he had fought Del Lago in? Did he used to run around in those endless woods to hide in the shade from the hot Spanish sun? Did he walk along the mountainside bridges with his Grandfather, borrowing his hat to avoid getting sunburnt? Did he have friends to share the summer with? Did he miss his childhood summers? All questions Leon never found the perfect opportunity to ask.

Leon felt an imaginary sense of jealousy just thinking about it. He never got that classic 80’s kids-on-bikes summer holidays like most other boys his age did- most mornings were spent taking care of his parents after violent hangovers.

He looked back over to Luis. His shoulders rose and fell with his even breathing. He smiled and cuddled him closer;

He never had a person to feel this safe around.

He never had somebody to waste away the summer with.

Not until now. Not until he met Luis.

He turned his head and pressed a warm kiss to Luis’ neck; which, much to his surprise, actually got a response out of him.

“ You should be asleep, cariño”

Leon chuckled sleepily. “And so should you.”

“You’ve got work in thirty minutes,” Leon could practically hear the pout in Luis’ voice as he instinctively snuggled down further into his arms.

“You need the rest more than I do”

“I’ll only sleep if you sleep, too”

There was a pause from Luis. Before he groaned and kicked part of the blanket off of his legs.

“ Fiiiiiiiiiine. Only because I love you, though, Sancho”

“I love you too” Leon had to bite back a smile at his faux-annoyed tone as he pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

Another moment of silence passed over them.

“Hey, Luis?”

“ Hmmmm?”

“You don’t actually mind doing, well… “ Leon waved his hand over the bed, “ This with me, do you? I feel kinda bad I’m not spending our first summer together differently…”

“ Leon,”

Luis took Leon’s hands and brought them over to his lips- and although the blonde couldn’t see it, he could feel his smile as he kissed his palm.

“I don’t care what we do together. Just being with you is more than enough”

Leon was about to open his mouth to object again before Luis added;

“Besides. I like taking these naps with you. It makes me feel like an Abuelo”

Leon threw his head back and laughed at that comment, feeling that familiar glow of relief and appreciation sitting at the bottom of his chest once again.

“I like taking naps with you too, Luis”

“If you like them so much then you should actually go to sleep”

“ Ok Ok I will I will!!!”

“Te amo, Leon”

“I love you too”

Tag game time! Thanks to @your-void-senpai for noticing me.

current time: 1:03 pm (posted at 9:02 PM, tumblr, fix your app plx)

current activity: post-lunch-lumploafing after having run errands this morning, tepidly woring on writing.

currently thinking about: how I’m going to manage the timing/logistics of the mini birthday extravaganza I’m planning for my spouse this week + 6 hours of OT + various appointments

current favorite song: I’ve been repeating “Disco! In the Panic Room” by Bug Hunter a lot. 

currently reading: embarrassingly, mostly my own WIPs to try and get shit finished. 

currently watching: Jujutsu Kaisen season 2, Haikyuu.

current favorite character: I just realized that my ride or die, Adam Parrish, and my new hotness, Nanami Kento, share the same 7/3 birthday. They are both fed-up kings. Kinda makes me want to write a crossover that only two people besides myself might be into.

current wips: …marge simpson hiding her eyes in shame dot gif. 

Here we go. Back-burnered ideas I’ve managed not to start are, fortunately, not included here: 

Relative Worth - the Critical Role S2 Widomauk fic which has been on a loading screen for a depressing amount of time

I Made You a Mixtape - the TRC Pynch fic that I’m tearing my hair out over because I keep thinking “Ronan Lynch would not listen to that. You are a middle aged hipster, you cannot make a mixtape on his behalf.” I’m gonna power through, I swear.

Waking the Dead - JJK Hidden Inventory arc missing scenes fic which is probably going to be completely jossed by the anime, so I better write quick

My Hero [working title only] - Rhack AU fix it fic wherein I make Rhys seem a lot cooler than he is and Jack is totally smitten and despondent when Rhys goes missing. 

Never, Never - A canon divergence Pynch fic in which Kavinsky kidnaps Adam instead of Matthew. 

Sincerity - A Gangsey polycule fic in which Gansey is having a crisis about whether Adam actually loves him or if he’s just part of the package deal.

Non Noncere / Kith and Kin - a post Mister Impossible AU in which  Adam fixed everything and now he and Ronan need to figure out where they go from here, while Declan figures out how to continue to keep his family safe in a world where all the magic is now out in the open.

Magnetic [working title only as there is already an excellent TRC / Pynch epic of that title out there] - A fic I started writing after Mister Impossible, before Greywaren came out, where Adam, Gansey, Blue, and Henry try to fix everything. 

Miseducation - Pynch PoalboP (Porn only a little bit of Plot) wherein Ronan Lynch decides to have fun with Adam’s teacher / older man kink. 

Terms and Conditions - Pynch AU in which Gansey has discovered that the best way to keep Ronan from self destructing is for him to be dommed, but Gansey is only willing to do it platonically / hands off (sorry Ronsey shippers, there’s plenty in the polycule fic?)  Adam was kicked out of Harvard due to a false cheating accusation, and now runs a completely illegal “smart device” management business with an exorbitant termination fee which he uses to blackmail the ultrawealthy. 

Mere Coincidence - A TRC Good Omens Pynch AU in which Ronan is the angel, Adam is the devil, and Gansey is the antichrist

After - TRC Pynch AU where everything is the same except Adam is the ghost and Noah is alive. 

…I may have a problem. 

Tagging @barrywhelk, @avalonjoan, @heavensenthale, @flightspath, if ya wanna, and anyone else who might wanna do it

the night you found your way back to me.

earlier that year, i was really going through a rough patch. i've been feeling depressed the past months and acads has just been the ultimate reason for my deteriorating mental health as well as for my poor eating habits because of extreme anxiety on a daily basis. during those days, i can't explain why but you somehow cross my mind from time to time. i've been constantly thinking of where are you now and what have you been up to?

remember that one night late in february? we were both still in college and it was that moment when i realized that it has been a long time since we spoke to each other. kamusta ka na kaya? deep down nararamdaman kong na-miss kita.

after graduating high school, we completely lost touch. kanya-kanyang buhay, kanya-kanyang path na tinahak. even though we were friends on facebook, hindi na rin naman tayo masyadong nakakapag-usap or nakakapag-kamustahan since you were far away from the metro. you decided to go to college in your home town province. i didn't know. i barely see your facebook posts and i even thought it was the end of us, that we'll never get the chance to talk to each other again because we both have moved on to each of our own completely different life than before.

that day, i remember the sky was clear, and you can still feel the breeze of the cold wind although you cnan tell that the weather was already transitioning to summer season. i was with my friends that day and we went to our dear friend's wake. she was one of the few friends that i made when i was still in my freshman year. our circle used to be quite big and that was the only time we got together again as a group of friends. we kind of parted ways na kasi after two years of being in the same block.

after staying there for hours and we already said our goodbyes, we decided to head back to the university together. i was with my current circle of friends when we booked for a grab car. we were all in the car talking about someone when suddenly, my phone lit up and i saw your name on the notification bar. you sent me a message saying: uy kamusta?

a while back, before we decided to head out, i was unconsciously viewing random facebook stories and was just swiping right to left when yours came next and my whole body froze. i was completely surprised that i accidentally viewed your story and worries when i realized that you'll see it. well i thought, i couldn't do anything about it now so i just shrug it off because i thought maybe it wouldn't be something big of a deal to you and that you'll just ignore it. but lo and behold, you messaged me that night and it almost made me want to scream. in my head i was already screaming having no idea of what was happening.

i was completely caught off guard as i wasn't expecting it. it got me very excited yet scared and anxious. the rush of adrenaline came in running into my whole body like fire. i unconsciously said "oh my god" out loud and my friends asked me what happened. i just told them wala lang lol. at that moment, it took me some time before it finally sink in to me and i really just don't know what to say so i just replied: "okay lang hehe" (yes i know, awkward lol).

later that night we were dropped off just outside the campus. it was almost 8 pm and we decided to have dinner around the uni. nagyaya sila kumain sa bandang noval doon sa merong ihawan ng seafood near lopez canteen. sobrang saya lang, tawa lang kami nang tawa noon as if kasama pa namin siya at kumakain with us that night. we ate so much food that we didn't realize how much it cost, can't remember pero ang mahal hahaha. i won't forget that night because it was the last time i got to hang out with my original circle and i think it was the first and the last time i had fun with them. also, it was that night when you found me, again.

it was almost 9 pm when we finished eating. we bid goodbye to each other after that and then went home. i was so tired that i slept right the moment i got home so i didn't get to open and read your replied messages until the next morning when i woke up.

2020 – what happened so far

(it’s impossible to include all, but I try my best)

January

January 1 – Palau became the first country to ban sun creams containing ingredients that are harmful to coral and marine life.

January 2 – The government of New South Wales, Australia, declares a state of emergency whilst the government of Victoria, Australia declares a state of disaster amid large bushfires that have killed as many as 500 million animals.

January 3 – A US drone strike at Baghdad International Airport kills Iranian general Qasem Soleimani and Iraqi paramilitary leader Abu Mahdi al-Muhandis.

January 5 – Iran pulls out of the 2015 nuclear deal, will not limit its uranium enrichment.

January 7 – 56 people are reported killed and over 200 injured in a crush at the funeral of general Qasem Soleimani in the city of Kerman, Iran.

January 7 – A 6.4 magnitude earthquake in Puerto Rico, island's largest in a century, kill 1 person and destroy 800 homes.

January 8 – Ukraine International Airlines Flight 752 is shot down by Iran's armed forces shortly after takeoff from Tehran Imam Khomeini Airport, killing all 176 people on board.

January 8 – Duke and Duchess of Sussex announce they are stepping back as "senior" royals, will work towards becoming financially independent.

January 16 – The impeachment trial of the President of the United States, Donald Trump, begins in the US Senate.

January 26 – Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter Gianna Bryant dies in a helicopter crash.

January 30 – The World Health Organization (WHO) declares the outbreak of the disease as a Public Health Emergency of International Concern.

January 31 – The United Kingdom and Gibraltar formally withdraw from the European Union at 11PM (GMT), beginning an 11-month transition period.

January 2020 was the hottest January in recorded history according to National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration

February

February 3 – Cruise ship Diamond Princess with 3711 passengers quarantined in Yokohama port, Japan after cases of coronavirus found on board.

February 5 – The US Senate acquits US president Donald Trump on articles of impeachment.

February 8 – 20 people dies in a mall shooting in Thailand.

February 9 – Deaths from the Coronavirus overtake those of Sars (2003) with 813 deaths worldwide.

February 10 – More than 30 bushfires put out by heaviest rainfall for 30 years in New South Wales, Australia, helping end one of the worst bushfire seasons ever, 46 million acres burnt, over 1 billion animals killed, 34 people dead.

February 11 – Snow falls in Baghdad, Iraq, for only the second time in a century.

February 23 – First major coronavirus outbreak in Europe in Italy with 152 cases and three deaths, prompting emergency measures, locking down 10 towns in Lombardy.

February 23 – China's Supreme Leader Xi Jinping describes the country's coronavirus outbreak as the China's largest health emergency since 1949.

February 24 – Former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein found guilty of rape and a criminal sexual act.

February 29 – Luxembourg becomes the first country in the world to make all public transport in the country (buses, trams, and trains) free to use.

February 29 – A conditional peace agreement is signed between the United States and the Taliban in Doha, Qatar. The U.S. begins gradually withdrawing troops from Afghanistan.

March

March 8 – Italy places 16 million people in quarantine, more than a quarter of its population, in a bid to stop the spread of COVID-19. A day later, the quarantine is expanded to cover the entire country, becoming the first country to apply this measure nationwide.

March 9 – International share prices fall sharply in response to a Russo-Saudi oil price war and the impact of COVID-19. The Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA) plunges more than 2,000 points, the largest fall in its history up to that point. Oil prices also plunge by as much as 30% in early trading, the biggest fall since 1991.

March 11 – The World Health Organization declares the COVID-19 outbreak a pandemic with 121,564 cases worldwide and 4,373 deaths.

March 11 – Harvey Weinstein is sentenced to 23 years in prison for a criminal sex act and rape in New York.

March 12 – Global stock markets crash. The Dow Jones Industrial Average goes into free fall, closing at over −2,300 points, the worst losses for the index since 1987.

March 13 – The government of Nepal announces that Mount Everest will be closed to climbers and the public for the rest of the season due to concerns from the COVID-19 pandemic in Asia.

March 14 – Spain goes into lockdown after COVID-19 cases in the country surge.

March 16 – The Dow Jones Industrial Average falls by 2,997, the single largest point drop in history and the second-largest percentage drop ever at 12.93 percent, an even greater crash than Black Monday (1929).

March 17 – European leaders close the EU's external and Schengen borders for at least 30 days in an effort to curb the COVID-19 pandemic.

March 17 – The island of Luzon, the largest island of the Philippines, is placed under the enhanced community quarantine due to the coronavirus pandemic in the country.

March 18 – The European Broadcasting Union announces that the Eurovision Song Contest 2020 will be cancelled due to COVID-19 in Europe, the first cancellation in the contest's 64-year history.

March 20 – The worldwide death toll from COVID-19 surpasses 10,000 as the total number of cases reaches a quarter of a million.

March 20 – Smoke from Australian bushfires killed more people than the fires - 417 vs 33 according to new study published in "Medical Journal of Australia."

March 22 – A prison riot in Colombia, which was sparked by coronavirus fears, left 23 inmates dead and another 83 injured.

March 24 – Indian PM Narendra Modi orders a 21 day lockdown for world's second most populous country of 1.3 billion people.

March 26 – Global COVID-19 cases reach 500,000, with nearly 23,000 deaths confirmed. American cases exceed all other countries, with 81,578 cases and 1,180 deaths.

March 28 – North Korea launched an unidentified projectile off the coast of Japan. This is the sixth launch in the last month.

March 30 – The price of Brent Crude Oil falls 9% to $23 per barrel, the lowest level since November 2002.

March 30 – The International Olympic Committee and Japan suspend the 2020 Summer Olympics and are rescheduled for July 23 to August 8, 2021.

April

April 2 – The number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 passes 1 million worldwide.

April 5 – British Prime Minister Boris Johnson admitted to hospital suffering from coronavirus COVID-19.

April 7 – Japan declares a state of emergency in response to COVID-19, and finalises a stimulus package worth 108 trillion yen (US$990 billion), equal to 20% of the country's GDP.

April 10 – The death toll from COVID-19 exceeds 100,000 globally.

April 14 – The International Monetary Fund (IMF) says it expects the world economy to shrink 3%, the worst contraction since the Great Depression of the 1930s.

April 14 – US President Donald Trump freezes funding for the World Health Organization pending a review, for mistakes in handling the coronavirus COVID-19 pandemic and for being "China-centric", prompting international criticism.

April 15 – The number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 passes 2 million worldwide.

April 16 – 22 million Americans have filed for unemployment in 4 weeks (5.2 million in the last week), wiping out 9 1/2 years of job gains.

April 20 – Oil prices reach a record low.

April 25 – The global death toll from COVID-19 exceeds 200,000.

April 27 – The number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 passes 3 million worldwide.

April 28 – US Department of Defense releases three declassified videos of possible UFOs from 2004 and 2015.

April 30 – British Captain Tom Moore, who raised more £30 million for the National Health Service walking in his garden, turns 100 and made an honorary colonel by the Queen.

May

May 5 – The UK death toll from COVID-19 becomes the highest in Europe.

May 6 – Irish organisation repays a 170 year old favor, raising over $2 million (to date) for US Navajo Nation and Hopi Reservation badly affected by coronavirus. In 1840s Choctaw Nation sent $170 to aid Irish potato famine.

May 6 – Hungary has become the first EU member state to lose their democractic status according to the NGO Freedom House.

May 10 – The number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 passes 4 million worldwide.

May 12 – Gunmen storm a maternity hospital and kill 24 people, including two newborn babies, in Dashte Barchi, a majority-Shia neighborhood of Kabul, Afghanistan.

May 13 – Every African country now has cases of coronavirus COVID-19.

May 14 – The UN warns of a global mental health crisis caused by isolation, fear, uncertainty and economic turmoil.

May 16 – 118-year old American department store JC Penney files for bankruptcy.

May 19 – Greenhouse gas emissions dropped 17% worldwide in April 2020 when world was in lockdown, in study published in "Nature Climate Change."

May 19 – Two dams on Tittabawassee River in central Michigan breached by floodwaters, forcing evacuation of thousands of residents.

May 21 – Cyclone Amphan makes landfall in eastern India and Bangladesh, killing over 100 people and forcing the evacuation of more than 4 million others. It causes over US$13 billion in damage, making it the costliest cyclone ever recorded in the North Indian Ocean.

May 26 – George Floyd, an African-American man dies after he was handcuffed and lying face down on a city street during an arrest, Derek Chauvin, a white Minneapolis police officer kept his knee on Floyd's neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds despite he was pleading for breath.

May 26 – Costa Rica becomes the first Central American country to legalise same-sex marriage.

May 26 – Twitter adds warning labels to warn about inaccuracies in US President Donald Trump's tweets for the first time.

May 26 – After a recording by a bystander about the arrest of George Floyd went viral the four officers who were present were fired. The same day a demonstrations and protests took place in the Minneapolis–Saint Paul area.

May 27 – The Chinese National People's Congress votes in favour of national security legislation that prevents subversion, terrorism, separatism and foreign interference in Hong Kong.

May 27 – Spain begins 10 days of mourning for victims of COVID-19.

May 28 – The United States Department of Justice released a joint statement with the FBI, saying they had made the investigation into George Floyd's death "a top priority".

May 29 – Derek Chauvin was arrested and charged him with third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter, becoming the first white officer in Minnesota to be charged for the death of a black civilian.

May 30 – The first crewed flight of the Dragon 2 is launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida, the first manned spacecraft to take off from U.S. soil since 2011. The next day the spacecraft successfully reached the International Space Station (ISS).

May 31 – Since May 26 over a 100 city in all 50 states in the US was held supporting those seeking justice for George Floyd and the Black Lives Matter movement, and speaking out against police brutality.

May 31 – The hacktivist group Anonymous released a video after remaining silent for 3 years demanding justice for George Floyd.

May 31 – The number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 passes 6 million worldwide.

Haikyuu Captains Dating HC’s

Have some dating headcanons with some of the captains in Haikyuu because i’m not a total simp for captains. 

I also kinda got carried away with Kuroo’s- I just love him so much-

Also Bokuto’s is kinda suggestive- so- warning?

--------------------------------------------------

also my requests are open

so you can request characters from BNHA or Haikyuu for headcanons or scenarios 

Daichi Sawamura

Okay

When you start dating this man, you automatically become the mom for the team

Well second mom cause Suga’s the first mom.

You guys meet because you become a manager with Kiyoko and thus start a friendship with Daichi

and it leads on to more-

Will use stupid dad jokes on you when you feel down

Is the type of bf who would send you good night and good morning texts

He acts like an alarm clock for you

He will send you the good morning text at a certain time just to wake you up

Also so you have time to get ready in the morning, cause he’s a loving boyfriend

I expect this guy to be into PDA

But like

it’s just hand holding when you guys are in public

When you guys are alone, 

cuddles, hugs, kisses, etc.

but every time you guys do something affectionate the team makes fun of you.

You guys act like an old married couple

Will take you out on the cutest dates

Wear his jersey to one of his games and his receives will be spot on

same with his spikes and serves

Honest to the team you’re a lucky charm so-

“Dai-kun, how are the first years?” You asked your boyfriend as the two of you entered the gym. Only the third and second years were in there, the first years were still taking an exam. 

“Hmm, Tsukishima and Kageyama need to work on their interaction with the team, Hinata has been hyper as always, and Yamaguchi has some good progress on his jump serves.” Your black haired lover explained, making you smile at how he talked about his teammates.

“How have Tsukki and Tobio been working together? I think they’re the only ones who can’t sync properly” You said, crossing your arms while watching Nishinoya receive another spike from Tanaka.

“Well,” Daichi started with a deadpan look on his face, “Kageyama and Tsukishima can sync, they just argue over it half of the time.” He finished, making you laugh at the thought of them arguing.

“Mmh, maybe a training exercise for the both of them?” You asked, grabbing one of Daichi’s hands into your own, playing with his fingers.

“That might work, but-” “OI DAI-SAN STOP MAKING US FEEL LONELY” Tanaka cut off Daichi as he saw that you were playing around with the captains fingers. 

“YEAH DAICHI-SAN, NOT ALL OF US HAVE AN ADORABLE SHORT GIRLFRIEND” Nishinoya joined in, making you glare at Nishinoya.

“I’M NOT THAT SHORT” You yelled back to the male with spiked hair. “YOU’RE SHORTER THEN ME” Noya yelled back.

Daichi let out a sigh, watching his girlfriend bicker with his teammates with a small chuckle. 

“God, I love her so much”

We stan Daichi

HE CAN COOK

Will cook you lunch

In the end

100% husband material 

Also call him daddy

Oikawa Tooru

Now let’s talk about this flat ass man

He loves PDA

Will tell you he loves you

Will grab your hand, pull you onto his lap, kiss you in front of his fangirls-

He means the best-

Loves it when you wear his clothes-

Wear his jersey, his hoodies, his track jacket 

He loves it

Cause it shows that you’re his

He’s lowkey possessive 

Hates it when you and Iwaizumi team up on him

“Flatass oikawa“ Is your nickname for him

jkjkjk

It’s Tooru

Yes you call him by his first name cause we’re basic bitches here okay

You’re basically the unofficial manager of the team cause you care about them too much

They all love you

Sends you good morning and good night texts with his face

cause he’s like that

And Oiks gets jealous

Will wake you up at three am to take you out to see the stars

and look for aliens 

Honestly-

“TOORU OIKAWA DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?“ You exclaimed to your boyfriend as he dragged you out of the window, sitting on the roof at three fourteen in the morning.

“I know it’s late, but Y/n-chan,” The brown haired male started, “there’s a meteor shower and there could be aliens. So we have to watch tonight,” he explained making you sigh. 

You knew you weren’t getting out of this. 

“Don’t you have morning practice?“ You asked, locking your hues with his chocolate coloured ones. He gave you a smile before turning his head up to look at the stars, “Maybe, but that doesn’t concern you,” 

You scrunched your eyebrows before hitting Tooru’s shoulder with your own, “It does concern me,” you started, glaring at the male. You were looking at his side profile. “You’re my boyfriend, and I love your team, of course i’m concerned,” you finished making his eyes widen.

Giving you a small smile, he pulled you in to a side hug, leaning his head on your shoulder.

“Let’s just watch the stars tonight and not care about what happens later”

You and Oikawa miss the next day of school cause the both of you are tired from staying up all night-

I don’t think Oikawa can cook

but-

The meals his fan girls give to him-

eat them sis

He’ll never know anyway

His fangirls learn to like you too, because Oikawa likes you

and they like everything Oikawa likes-

though there are some of the delusional fans who think Oiks is just using you

Which he’s not btw

but take care of this baby-

he needs some love

In the end

100% Tooru material 

Kuroo Tetsurou

Can we talk about this gif for a second-

Like the fourth season did him so good

LIKE I’M SO PROUD

lowkey daddy material-

ANYGAYS

ON TO THE HC’S

He adores you 

like

A D O R E S Y O U

If you try a different style or change your hair style, he thinks it’s adorable

He’s highkey a simp for you

Loves PDA

He loves to grab your thigh when he sits next to you

he’s a thigh guys alright-

Loves kissing you in front of people

etc the whole team-

in front of Daishou-

Does get jealous sometimes, but only if he doesn’t know the person

You and Yaku are mom friends

After all, you do have to take care of a 187cm child

Kuroo lowkey think’s it hot how much you care about people and take care of people-

Study dates are a yes with him

You’ll go to little cafes with him-

CAT CAFES-

Sends you good morning texts at five am

and good night texts at four am

cause ISTG this man does not sleep-

Loves to tease you

If you’re shorter then him-

You’ll be called chibi-chan

Cough Yagami Yato Vibes COUGH

Loves it when you hug him

It makes him feel like a giant 

which he is but- ight

LOVES TO KISS YOU TO DIStract you

You’ll be doing homework in his room and he’ll pull you into a breathless kiss and leave you wanting more-

like-

You twirled your mechanical pencil in your fingers, you eyes glanced down at your homework, science. 

You weren’t the best at it, nor were you the worst but you still had trouble with it. Taking off your glasses, you rubbed at your temples before trying to solve the equation once more. 

Tetsurou glanced into his room, his gold hues stopping at your figure hunched over his desk, homework in front of you. Turning around he got a glass of water and walked into his room once more.

“You’re going to get wrinkles early if you keep doing that face,” The black haired male teased, making you groan and press your forehead against the dark wood of his desk. 

“i don’t get how you like science? It’s so boooring,” you groaned, the pencil rolling out of your hand onto the desk.

You heard your boyfriend chuckle before hearing him walk over to you. You raised your head, watching as his golden hues skimmed over the paper before he let out a small ‘pfft’. 

“This is easy,” he said before explaining it.

You gasp as you finally get it, pushing Tetsurou’s hands away and grabbing your pencil, you began to scribble  the answer down, only to be pulled into a heated kiss. 

Kuroo’s tongue pushing past your lips to meet yours. Your eyes were wide, face slightly pink and hands curled up into loose fists gripping his shirt. You were about to close your eyes before he pulled away, a large smirk formed on his face as he saw you. 

“You need to get back to your paper, I guess i’ll leave you alone”

Let’s just say- you did not get the paper finished, but it was a good outcome-

Okay-

I’m like thirsting Kuroo-

So this is long as fuck-

Kuroo can cook basic things

Will cook for you only if you ask

But if oyu cook for him-

He’s whipped

100% Daddy Boyfriend material

Bokuto Koutarou

Season four bokuto got me feeling some way-

like-

they did my baBY SO GOOD

ANYGAYS-

Hyper boy loves PDA

Will hold you when he has the time to-

Loves to kiss you

Even when Akaashi tells him that it’s going against the school rules-

Loves the difference between your hand and his

The way your hand is so small compared to his

and soft

his hands are huge btw-

Loves to call you pet names 

Birdy, Baby bird, dove etc..

Lots of bird related ones-

Loves it when you go to practice and his games

His spikes will be on p o i n t 

You and Akaashi are buddies

You both have to deal with this hyper male-

Like Kuroo he loves your thighs

if the two of you are cuddling-

hands on thighs

and ass-

He loves to hold you-

Sends you good morning texts at six in the morning

and good night texts at nine pm

This man actually sleeps i think-

The team loves you

You raise bokuto from his lowest on the court.

Will state how much he loves you everyday

“Y/N I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK“

“Y/N I LOVE YOU MORE THEN HINATA LOVES VOLLEYBALL“

yk?

Will get very whiny when you try to do something other then love him

Becomes depressed bokuto until you give him the love and affection he deserves.

Bokuto wasn’t at his best today at all. His spikes were off, his serves either hit the net or went out of bounce. Why, you might ask. well today you decided to get up early without waking up your boyfriend and go to school without waking him up. 

You walked into practice, scrolling threw something on your phone. Quickly looking up you gave the team a small smile before going to sit on the benches, your eyes going back to your phone. 

Bokuto let out another groan as you did’t give him a hug or a kiss or any type of affection. Akaashi soon caught on to what you were doing and marched over to where you were on the bench.

“Y/n-san stop ignoring bokuto-san,” the dark haired male said making you look up at his tall figure before giving him a small laugh. “how did you figure me out?” you asked while standing up and brushing your skirt. 

“Bokuto gets in his depressed mode when you ignore him,” The younger male stated before turning his body so you could see the spiked haired male whining.

You gave the second year a smile before walking over to your whining boyfriend. 

“kou are you alright?” you asked pressing a kiss to his cheek as he was hunched over. Golden hues locked into yours before Bokuto pulled you into his muscular chest.

“Are you done ignoring me?” his whispered as he nipped your ear.

“Yes sir“ you quietly responded, eyes darting around, making sure no one was looking at the two of you.

“that’s a good girl, now go over there and wait for me. You’ll get what you deserve after practice”

-------------------------- 

Okay well we’re done for now with these headcanons- i started this in july and only finished it now-

anygays- I hope you enjoyed these and if you have characters you want me to write a scenario or headcanons. just ask!!

BTW DID YOU KNOW: Oikawa is taller then bokuto, but Bokuto weighs more. That ass got weight that Oikawa’s non-existent ass doesn’t have-

i love you guys💗

✨thank you for reading!!✨

Atlantis - Ryan Graves

Pairing: Ryan Graves x Y/N (established)

Warnings: mentions of depression, angst 

Word count: 6.1k

A/N: So this is my first NHL fic. Warning: I didn’t proveread and my first language isn’t english.  This idea is based on those tiktoks about people losing their sparkle. The title is from the song Atlantis by Seafret. 

Hope you enjoy :)

_____________________________

You hurried along the concours at Pepsi center, swearing under your breath. You had already missed the warm ups because you had been held up at work. You didn’t really want to miss puck drop as well. Out of breath, you made it to your seat, happy to realise that you had, in fact, not missed puck drop. You plopped down besides Mel Landeskog and groaned.

“God, I wish I could kill my boss. What a dick.” You said between trying to regain your breath. Mel chuckled beside you. “I wish you did, I don’t know why you keep working for him. I know I wouldn’t.”

Mel had briefly met your boss when she visited you over lunch at your workplace once. And she quickly let you know about her dislike for him. You weren’t a fan of him either, but besides him you liked the job and was one you had worked hard to get.

You and Mel caught up, even though you had seen each other only a few days prior. Then the players started to trickle out of the tunnel and onto the benches. Both you and Mel put the conversation to the side to focus onto the ice. Your eyes went on to search for your boyfriend immediately. It didn’t take very long to spot him, given that he was towering over all the other guys.

As if Ryan had know that you were looking for him, he turned towards the Wags section and locked eyes with you. And although you were too far away to see it properly, you were sure Ryan gave you a simple nod. He always gave you one in warmups when you were watching him. Since you weren’t able to make it in time for warmups, you got the nod now.

The game passed quickly. Both the Avs and Dallas had been playing a good and very tight game. In the end the Avs won it 4-3, thanks to a late 3rd period tiebreaker by Mikko. Ryan played a good game as well, getting an assist and a plus 2 rating.

Soon enough you found yourself down in the families room waiting for Ryan to emerge. You were holding conversation with Mel and some of the other Wags, happily letting them distract you from your long day at work.

The moment Ryan stepped out of the locker room, your eyes moved to look at him. Your subconscious was so in tune with him, you always felt his presence as soon as he entered a room. A few quick steps and he had scooped you up in his arms. This is exactly what you needed after a long day at work. A Ryan hug could fix everything.

“Good game, babe. Sorry I missed warm ups, the boss kept me in today.” You muttered into his neck, while he seemed to melt into your body. He pulled away to look at you.

“Thanks, love. It’s fine, you didn’t mean to miss it. And you made it in time for the game, that’s the important bit.” He gave you a smile and a quick wink while wrapping his arms around you and turning to say goodbye to the team. He took your hand in his while leading you out to the car and driving home.

  Unfortunately the long day at work wasn’t a one off. Recently your boss had kept you in longer seemingly every day, excusing it with you needing to more effort into work since many would love to have this job. And it was starting to war you down. You knew Ryan was understanding but you still felt bad that he had to wait up for you.

By the time November rolled around, you were more stressed out and exhausted than ever. You were drowning in work and you felt like the wasn’t any end in sight soon. It didn’t help that the Avs weren’t having a good time. Instead of being at the top of the standings they were battling to stay in a playoff spot. Ans even though it was still early in the season they wouldn’t want to drop back now and even fall out of the playoff race early.

You were currently standing next to Mel and Mikko’s girlfriend waiting for the team to exit the locker room. You knew the mood wasn’t good. The team just lost against the Preds. A team who was battling against them for a playoff position. Also, you were pretty sure that Ryan noticed that you missed the first period due to being held back at work.  A few players started clearing out of the locker room and you could see the loss imprinted on their faces. Riding a losing streak was bad enough, but losing against a division rival made it even bitterer.

You felt like you were barely able to breath, not knowing what Ryan’s reaction was gonna be like. Once he finally exited the room, as one of the last out, he held his head low and you could see the disappointment on his face.

He didn’t really lift his head walking over to you but still pulling you in for a hug once you were within reach. He engulfed you with his huge body and held you tight. A huge weight lifted off your chest almost immediately. And you suddenly felt like everything was going to be okay. That you had just worried to much, he would never be angry at you for missing part of a game because of work. You tried to pull him even closer, while he gave you a kiss on the head.

  It was nearing the end of November and you had just pulled yourself out of bed an hour ago. It was already 2 pm and while you hoped that sleeping in on your off day would help you with the constant fatigue you were facing, all it did was making you feel even more tired. And you felt like you couldn’t get anything done recently and sitting around in your apartment all day lazily wasn’t helping your guilt at all. But you felt too lethargic to move, the grim weather wasn’t helping. You knew you should get outside more, recently only spending time at work or being holed up in your apartment, but you just couldn’t get any motivation to get up and go outside.  

It wasn’t helping that Ryan was away on a road trip and wouldn’t be back in almost a week. The avs had been playing better but the still weren’t where they were supposed to be. HE had been so focused on playing well recently, you didn’t really feel like bothering him with your everyday problems. His career was important to you and you didn’t want to mess with it.

This week passed slower and you felt yourself being sucked into the black hole even further. Then on top of all the stuff that was doing badly at work at the moment, your boss had decided to bring in a new intern. He also made it pretty clear to you that the intern was trying out for your job position. You slowly felt like the weight on your shoulders was staring to crush you. Once Friday evening came, you were wrapped up in blankets on your couch, binge watching some Netflix series and eating ice cream. Ryan would fly in after his game, presumably late in the night. So you didn’t bother staying up, you would only fall asleep on the couch anyway.

You were woken up by sounds outside of your bedroom and not soon after you heard Ryan slip in. He was trying to be quiet, but you were awake now anyway.

“Hey Babe, you’re back.” Your whispered statement probably sounded more like a question but you didn’t care. His reaction told you that he wasn’t expecting you to be awake.

“Oh hey, baby. I’m sorry for waking you” You barely heard him, his voice quiet and hushed. Soon enough he slip into bed and wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you close. He must have sensed that you had a hard day at work, just from the way he was holding you close to him. And you tried your best to relax into his touch and fall asleep again.

 November passed and you just couldn’t seem to catch a break anymore. Today was another horrendous day at work, where everything seemed to be going wrong lately. Your boss was more than displeased with your performance and it didn’t seem like you were able to get out of your slump anytime soon. The new intern threatening your job position was obviously not helping in easing your nerves.  Now you wanted nothing more than to get home and curl yourself up on the couch in Ryan’s arms.

Finally making it to your shared apartment, you had never been so glad that Ryan wasn’t on a road trip than tonight. As soon as you were inside the door you dropped your coat and the purse in the entry, kicked of your shoes and made your way to the living room. You let out a deep sigh, the tight feeling in your chest that you had all day still letting itself be known.

As soon as you entered the living room Ryan looked up from his space on the couch. His gentle greeting went mostly unrequited. You felt a lump in your throat forming. The team had hit a rough patch time lately again and you didn’t really want him to have to deal with your problems. You knew that he had enough on his mind. So you quickly tried to give him a smile but he’d already risen from the couch, knowing you well enough to see by your posture alone that something wasn’t right.  

With a couple big steps he closed the distance between you two and wrapped his arms around you tightly. You were trying to relax, let yourself drown in his big embrace but then you slowly you realise something that you had been dreading for a while now. The tight feeling in your chest was still there. You anxiety didn’t lift of you like it used to. His embrace didn’t seem to let you forget about all your worries. It didn’t seem to heal you, put your pieces back together anymore. And suddenly you realised that it hadn’t for a while now. Slowly hug after hug his power to keep you together, to calm you down, had weakened. You used to call his hugs his superpower, that no one hugged you like Ryan did. No one else’s hugs made you feel at home, made you feel safe.

But now his hugs just felt like… hugs. Normal hugs. Nothing special. Simply a hug you could get from any person you knew. No magic, no superpower. No sparkle…

You could feel your heart shatter at the sudden realization. He hugged you still the same way. He still put all his power into trying to keep you together, to pick your pieces up, to heal you.  It wasn’t Ryan who lost something. It was you. You had lost your sparkle, your magic. And Ryan wouldn’t be able to fix it. Not this time.

You hadn’t even realised that silent tears had started to run down your cheeks. You let out a shaky breath, trying to steady yourself. But all it did was making it worse. You let out a sob you didn’t knew you were holding deep inside you.

“Hey, hey! Shhh, it’s okay baby. Everything is gonna be okay.” Ryan slowly rubbed your back, trying to soothe you. But you knew Ryan well enough to know, that even he himself wasn’t believing his words anymore.

You quietly cried into his chest and he held you close to him. You had stayed like that for a while after. But the tight feeling in your chest didn’t lift. If anything your sudden realization made it worse.

  You hit your breaking point in the beginning of December. You felt like you fell apart. You hadn’t been going to games for a while now. You came home after work and holed yourself up on the couch or tired to cry yourself to sleep.

Ryan tried to reach out to you as much as possible. He tried and tried and tried, but no matter what he did he wasn’t able to help you. His presence didn’t relieve the pain in your chest and that heavy feeling you’d been carrying around for a while now. It had gotten so bad that you had started to pull away. You didn’t consciously want to, but did it anyway. He just wasn’t able to get through to you anymore.

And this killed him. Nothing hurt him more than to see that light in you fade. Day after day, week after week, your once so bright sparkle had started to dim. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t fix you. Not anymore.

You had been thinking about it for a while now. You hated your work, Denver started to turn all grey on you and you felt like a burden to Ryan recently. You needed change.

Now, you were standing in the living room, a couple steps away from Ryan. You knew he wanted to close the space, hug you, try giving you comfort but he wasn’t sure if that’s what you really needed anymore. Silent tears ran down your face and you could see Ryan shatter right in front of you.

“Tell me we can fix this. Please Ryan, tell me that leaving isn’t the right thing to do.”

“You’re not happy here anymore, Y/N. You don’t have to stay here for me, you know? I can’t expect you to stay.”

You wanted him to be wrong. You wanted him to tell you that everything would work out, that you would be able to fix your life in Denver, that leaving wasn’t the right thing to do. But you knew better.

“Ryan, please tell me you know how to fix this. You always find a way to fix me!” You were desperate now, your voice shaking.

You hated how you could read the answer in his eyes before he even parted is lips. You knew this was it. Game over, you had nothing else to give.

“I look at you and see the ghost of someone you used to be and nothing hurts more than knowing that there’s nothing I can do to fix you. To save us.  I can’t save us.” You felt yourself shatter. Game over. Nothing made it more real than him telling you. He finally closed the space between the two of you. But he didn’t hug you, he simply put his hand on your face and gently stroked the tears away with his thumb.

“I know you’re trying to look out for me, thinking about me, about us first. But you need to start looking out for yourself now. This life here isn’t treating you right anymore. It’s breaking you! You know yourself that you won’t be able to fix this here.” You inhaled shakily.

“I know, I just…” Your voice gave in.  

“You know that if there was a way for me to fix this, to heal you, to do something about it, I would. You need to go, cause you won’t get better here. With me. And as much as I love you, this life here is ruining you.”

His forehead was touching yours now and both his hands were placed on your cheeks. You could feel his silent sobs. You could feel the way his heart broke when he said the following words.

“How do you look at the person you love the most and tell yourself that it’s time to let her go?”

“Don’t let go then!”

Slowly he pulled away. You tried to catch his hands in yours but of no use. Slowly he lowered them and pulled his hands from his grasp.

“Just promise me you’ll try your hardest to get better. To get that light back, that sparkle back. You will get better, but this time you have to fix yourself. I love you so much, Y/N, but I just want you to be happy. Maybe one day this will include me again.”

With that he gave you a last kiss on your forehead and turned around and walked towards the door. That’s when you broke down. You knew this was real know. The bags you packed would actually be used, the calls home you made to tell your family about coming home would actually hold its promise, the resignation on your job would actually be sent in. You knew this was only supposed to be a break for you to find yourself again and come back after. But right now this felt more like a finale breakup than anything else.

   At first being home seemed to do you good. You spent a lot of time with your family, you didn’t have to think about your job anymore. But it didn’t take long for that cold, nagging feeling in your chest to return. So you had started to visit a therapist. And you tried your hardest to do the little tasks she sent you home with after each session. But somehow you just felt so broken. You felt so exhausted, so lifeless. It was hard for you to find joy in something nowadays. You felt… empty.

Weeks passed. Christmas came and went. You tried to set yourself some goals, some solutions for the new year. But things didn’t seem to get better.

 Ryan really didn’t want to look at his phone. Another loss, another season that seemed to go to waste. An now he couldn’t even go home and hold you in his arms for consolidation. He already dreaded the empty house he would come home to. He really couldn’t call it his home anymore. Just a place he used for sleeping  or the occasional nap. Nowadays he spent as much time at the rink or at teammates houses as possible. The house was just so cold without you. Like all life had left it. Once he was seated in his car he finally gave his phone a quick glance. He did a doubletake to make sure his eyes weren’t betraying him. But there it was you name on screen. Had had left him a voicemail.

His chest tightened as he realised that you probably called him on purpose during the game. You knew that he was playing, he was sure of that. He had to take a couple of deep breath before being able to press play on the voicemail.

At first he could only hear your shaky breath, presumably teary eyed. He felt a sudden stab to his heart.

“Hey Ryan, I know this is out of nowhere but I just…” Your voice went silent again. This time he was sure that you were sobbing quietly.

“I’m trying so hard, but I don’t know how much longer I can fight… But I want you to know that there was nothing you could have done to help me, Ryan. You did your best.” He could hear your sobs now loudly and clearly, and it broke his heart.

“And you have to know that if I ever lose my battle to depression… know that I fought, know that I tried, know I did my best to overcome it. I love you so much, Ryan.”

And with that the voicemail ended. Ryan felt like someone ripped to ground from underneath him. Felt like he was spiralling down a dark hole. He let out a gasp, feeling himself tear up.

He knew he had to call you back, as soon as possible. But it was proving to be a challenge. His vision was blurry from his teary eyes and it wasn’t helping that his hands were shaking uncontrollably. It felt like he was just sitting there in his car for ages, before he had calmed himself down enough to press the call button.

He didn’t really know what he was going to say. He didn’t even know where to start, all he knew that he needed to hear your voice. Now.

It kept ringing and ringing but you didn’t pick up. He tried multiple times but nothing. His calls went unanswered. With a heavy heart he decided to drive home, since he was still sitting in the parking lot at Pepsi center.

At home he tried again. And again just before letting his exhausted body fall asleep. But you didn’t pick up. Finally, the next morning just when he thought another call would go to voicemail you answered.

“Hey.” Honestly you didn’t know what else to say and you also didn’t know to expect.

“You wouldn’t do it, right? You wouldn’t… you know end it, right?” He sounded desperate, you could sense the urgency in his voice.

“Ryan…” “No, you wouldn’t do this to me, right? I love you, Y/N. I need you. I let you leave so you could get better, not to …”

His voice cut out, and his sentence went unfinished. You didn’t really know what to tell him. The voicemail was made impulsively. You had a bad day yesterday. Well, you had a lot of bad days recently.  

“What do I have to do Y/N? Tell me what I can do? I thought that letting you go home, getting out for a while might help, apparently it didn’t. God, if you tell me that you want to come home, home to me, I’ll step on the next airplane and will get you myself.”

You laughed humourlessly.

“No, you were right. I have to fix myself. I had to get away from all of that. But I just can’t seem to get better. I don’t know that else to do, Ryan. I try to focus on myself, I go to a therapist, I try to get outside a lot. But… nothing.”

“You will get better, you have to. I couldn’t handle losing you, Y/N!”

  Denver airport was buzzing this particular early February morning. You stood at the baggage claim, waiting for your suitcase to appear. The waiting time left you questioning yourself whether you made the right decision to come back here. You were only coming for a few days. To catch up with Mel and Linnea. Really Mel had been the one pushing you, saying that it would do you good to talk with someone you used to see almost everyday.

Finally you spotted your suitcase and made your way towards the exit. Finding Mel was easy enough, since she had spotted you way before you were near her and was now waving frantically. As soon as you got to her she gave you a big hug. Still, you were feeling at unease. You didn’t really know why. The team was on a roadtrip and wouldn’t be back for a few days, so there was no possibility to run into Ryan.

You weren’t actively avoiding him but you weren’t ready to face him either. YOU hadn’t spoken to him in weeks. You were supposed to be gone for a bit and come back once you felt better. Now over 2 months had passed and you weren’t better at all. You weren’t ready to come back, you were just visiting. You weren’t even sure anymore if you could ever come back. And that scared you. You used to love the city, loved living here, loved your job. Now, that was all gone. How would you be able to tell Ryan this? Tell him that you were failing at fixing yourself. Tell him to wait around for you, in hope that maybe one day, one day you would get better.

He had tried to call you occasionally but you usually weren’t picking up. Just sending him lame excuses for not answering the phone, knowing that he would see right through you. But you couldn’t stand to hear his voice. He cared so much, even though you weren’t giving him any reason to. You wouldn’t be able to lie to him, wouldn’t be able to give him false hope, that it would all work out. Cause truly, you’d given up hope.

Mel was right. Catching up did you good. You had missed her, in a way you had also missed Denver. The Denver you used to love, before everything turned grey and lifeless. You talked to her for hours. You played with Linnea, went out for lunch and even agreed to watch the Avs game in the evening.

Talking with Mel put a lot into perspective for you. You saw things from a different view. You realised that not everything always was gonna be perfect. That you didn’t need to have that dreamjob to feel happy. Quiet the opposite actually. Trying to be enough had torn you apart.

You didn’t just talk about you and your struggles but also about stupid everyday things. About that coffeeshop you went to, about funny stories on the team, about Linnea’s newest adventures. And you realised how much you wanted this back. This life you used to love so much, before you let it take control over you.  

Those couple of days seemed to pass in a hurry and you would soon return home. This time with a goal to return rather sooner than later. That morning Gabe had left for the first practice since returning from their roadtrip. When he came back the three of you, Linnea was asleep upstairs, hung around in the kitchen making light conversation. You heard the door open and close, but you really didn’t think of much. Mel’s panicked look threw you off guard.

“You were supposed to tell Ryan that he can’t come over after practice today,- !” Mel’s harsh whispering towards Gabe was cut short as Ryan entered the kitchen. Suddenly everything went silent. It took Ryan a couple seconds to spot you, but his shocked look his face told you that Gabe at least hadn’t told the team that you were back in town.

Ryan was still wrangling for words, while Gabe and Mel quickly escaped the kitchen. You wished you could have too.

“You’re back. I didn’t know…” You knew he didn’t mean to sound so accusing and hurt, but it still stung. “Were you going to tell me?”

You were fighting for words. You didn’t think you would see him, you were hoping he wouldn’t find out. Your silence was enough of an answer for him, the disappointment written all over his face.

“I only came to visit, I’m not staying, Ryan.” You realised too late how wrong your words sounded. Ryan let out a sigh, frustration slowly building up.

“Obviously not to visit me.” He sounded sad and hurt. “I thought this was just some time away for you, not like… a breakup or something.”

“It’s not, Ryan. I- “ But you really didn’t know how to answer this honestly. Because it did feel like a breakup to you too.

He stepped closer to you before speaking up quietly. “ I love you, Y/N! I always will. And I’ll wait for you as long as you want me to. I won’t give up on you, ok? But if this is not what you want anymore, I need to know. Cause I can’t keep calling you, reaching out to you, keep holding on if you have already let go.”

You wanted to speak up, but you just didn’t know how. You just didn’t know how to let him down easy. And you could see in his eyes that he was waiting for you. But the longer you waited, the further he seemed to slip away.

He gave you a sad smile and a silently mouthed “I love you” before turning around and walking towards the door.

You knew he was long out of earshot when you finally spoke those words back to him.

“I love you too, Ryan.”

 The rest of the day passed slowly. Everything seemed to drag on. You would fly back home the next day and you knew you had to tell Ryan to hold on just a bit longer. But you felt immobilized. Mel tried to talk to you about your confrontation, but to no use. You pushed her away, shut her out. So she let you be.

You were sitting in Mel’s car on your way to the airport. Mel was making light conversation and was actively avoiding the elephant in the room. And you were thankful for that. You wouldn’t know what to say.

For a minute you considered telling Mel to turn the car around and drive you to Ryan’s apartment. To your apartment. But you couldn’t do it. And a couple hours later you were sitting in the plane taking you towards your hometown.

  You’d been sulking at home the entire rest of the day. You had to tell him. The sooner the better. But you hated confrontation so you waited til the next morning, when you were sure he was at practice. Your voicemail was short but hopefully enough to get the message across.

“Don’t… don’t give up on me, Ryan. I’m trying ok?” That was all you had said.

When he called you in the evening, it was the first time in a long time you answered to one of his calls. You talked for what felt like hours. Nothing deep or meaningful, just the little things. But when you hung up and you went to bed, it was the first time in months where you didn’t have trouble falling asleep.  

 Now you weren’t missing a single call of his. He asked you about your day, about your session with the therapist, whether you’d drank enough water and you would ask him about his day, about the team, about practice or about the game. Over the next months those calls started to become your favourite part of your day. It was one of the things you were looking forward to.

As you were sitting in your therapist’s office late in march, you kept replaying something she’d said earlier during the session. “You only know how to use the tools to fix your heart, but that doesn’t mean someone else can’t stand beside you and hand them to you.”

And you realised just how right she was. While nobody else could use those tools, it helped to know that there was someone standing beside you supporting you, helping you out, guiding you. And that someone was Ryan. And you knew then that that two of you would be fine. Even if it took a while til you got better. You’d already gotten better over the last few weeks.

 So a couple of days before the regular season ended you flew back into Denver. This time not for a visit. You hadn’t told Ryan that you were coming. Since Mel or Gabe couldn’t come pick you up EJ came and drove you home. Talking with him on the drive home made you realise just how much you missed the team. They were like a second family to you. EJ was probably more excited for you to be back than you himself. He kept telling you how hard it had been for Ryan to be away from you and that he was glad that you were finally back so he wouldn’t have to hear Ryan pour his heart out to him on every team flight.

EJ helped you carry your bags up to your apartment door but told you that he would let the two of you reunite in peace. It took you a bit to calm your nerves before you were able to knock. Technically you still had the key and it was still your home as well, but you didn’t want to just barge in.

You could hear his footsteps walking towards the door and you were sure that you could feel your heart beating louder than ever before. You couldn’t hear any hesitation in his steps, indicating that he definitely hadn’t looked through the peephole before opening the door. This was only further proven by his shocked expression he wore when realising who was standing in front of him.

The surprised expression didn’t stay for long though and before you knew you were being scooped up into his arms. You could hear him exhale slowly. “You’re back…”

  Your breath was caught in your throat. Shocked you looked down at the ice where your boyfriend had you moments before made heavy contact with the boards. It was midway through the third period and an opposing player thought the best was to avenge his teams 4 goal deficit by giving out a dirty boarding hit. It was the last regular season game and the clinching game for both teams, so emotions were running hot. He was still down, not moving. You watched in shock as the athletic trainers made their way onto the ice. Mel had wrapped an arms around your shoulder but you barely acknowledged her.

You could faintly hear her soft “He’s going to be fine Y/N, okay?” All you could do was give her a slow nod. In what seemed like slow motion, Ryan was helped onto his feet by the trainer and some of his teammates. His head hung low and he was basically dragged towards the tunnel but at least he was able to get up on his own.

You released the breath you were holding. You were still shaking but he seemed to be better than you first anticipated. The rest of the game passed by you in a blur. You were on autopilot. You barley registered Nate scoring on the powerplay that resulted from the hit. Neither did you acknowledge the empty netter from Mikko making it 6-0 for the avs in the end and subsequently clinching a playoff spot. As soon as the buzzer sounded you were out of your seat, trying to make your way down to the locker room.

Mel caught your arm and tugged you towards her. “Hey, he will be just fine, okay? He’s a though one. Let’s go down together, yeah?” You quickly nodded and gave her a hug. “Thank you, I don’t know what I would do without you sometimes.” You meant it, she was always such a good friend to you. She gave you a reassuring smile before wrapping an arm around you and making your way down to the locker room.

You were pacing holes into the carpet in the families room, impatiently waiting for someone to come out of the locker room and give you an update on Ryan. You nearly jumped EJ when he finally emerged as the first player.

“He’s fine Y/N. Just a little shaken up. He’ll be out soon.” He gave you a quick hug. And it really didn’t take long for Ryan to emerge. He looked tired and worn out, but he was walking on his own and you couldn’t detect any injury so you took this as a good sign.

He quickly closed the distance and pulled you in for hug. It was quiet but you could still hear him mutter “I’m fine, Y/N. I’m glad you’re back” into your hair. And in this moment you realised that the anxiety, the tight feeling in your chest and the worry about Ryan had lifted. One simple hug let all your worries wash away. It seemed to fix all your problems and worries. Just like it had used to do.

When Ryan pulled away you could see it in him as well. That realization. He gave you a kiss on your temple.

“You’re back, Y/N. You’re back. God, I missed you so much.”

And you knew he didn’t just mean your physical return to Denver. You were back.

*the end*

Chapter 2: Silence

The MC has a rough day, and finds comfort in a certain individual.

[Nothing much to say here, except thank you for reading, and don’t hesitate writing any constructive criticism to me or pointing out mistakes, ily all <3]

Morning arrives, and your eyes still barely open from the exhaustion of last night. You wished you had never woken up, far too tired for the day ahead.

You can tell it is early in the morning- just before 6 am. There is no sun in the Devildom, and so you have had to adjust your internal clock to the eternal darkness of this world.

No light creeps into your room to remind you that there is a new start to another day. That the past belongs in the past- yet your mind just can not correspond with that. It feels like everyday is the same.

It is eternal and infinite, yet you are mortal and weak. Despite possessing pacts with the most strongest rulers of the Devildom, you wield no strength. You possess no magical power. You’re useless.

If a demon wished to devour you right this very second, you would be gone. There is no power within you to perform any spells, and so you are defenceless.

Already in a depressive state, you will your weary bones to move. In order to avoid your housemates, you would need an extremely early start to the day. Meaning, now.

You freshen up in the bathroom, noticing your horrible features on your face. Your skin is pale and hollow, dark circles have comfortably edged themselves under your eyes, your eyes are hollow and lifeless and your hair thin and dead. You look like a zombie.

Your RAD uniform is crumpled and messy from having thrown it on the floor the day before, not giving a single care for it in the world.

You quietly walk to the kitchen, with your school necessities and belongings in your bag that has been slumped over your shoulder. You grab a small carton of yoghurt to eat and walked to the door, making sure to be quiet so as to not wake any of them up or alert them.

There are barely any students by the time you get to school, but they are almost always the nicer demons, the over achievers of the school. As they say, the early bird catches the worm.

You walked to the courtyard, where many beautiful plants and wildflowers resided, making it a truly wonderful and bright place in RAD. You sat down on one of the benches and took out your yoghurt, peeling the plastic off.

Someone tapped your shoulder from next to you. The white hair gave it away immediately; Solomon.

”Hello, MC. You’re quite early, today.” He greeted you with a lovely smile, but you could tell something was going on if you looked deeper into his eyes. He held onto a secret of some sorts.

”Hey.” You responded, nervous and flustered at the same time. You two didn’t talk often, despite being the only two human exchange students in the Devildom. He was very handsome and you would find yourself staring at him during class, enraptured.

He was also a very powerful sorcerer, having made pacts with more than 72 demons- Asmodeus included.

But he was nice, and hadn’t hurt you at all. Well, yet. You hoped he wouldn’t, you actually liked him.

”You look tired today. Had a rough night?” He observed you closely, his eyes still looking around your face as you slowly went red.

”I-uh, you could say that. I woke up sort of early and couldn’t sleep.” It wasn’t a total lie, but it wasn’t the entire truth either.

”Huh, alright.” He was still smiling at you, his lips perfectly complimenting his beautifully sinister face.

Your cheeks reddened and you turned away, choking the rest of the yoghurt down. You were feeling way too nervous for your liking- you felt as though you were supposed to act a certain way around him.

You breathed in slowly. “Uh, I need to get to class now.” You adjusted your bag on your shoulders and stood up to walk away, when he called out behind you.

”Have a nice day, MC.” You didn’t look back, but responded. “You too.”

For the rest of the day, you spent your time avoiding everyone, especially Mammon. You knew he would be extremely pissed at you, but you didn’t care. Today was not a good day.

As cute and clingy as he was, you just needed to get away from everyone- you really did. You could understand why Lucifer was frustrated at them half the time- they can be quite a handful.

As the day ended, you were in your last class, the Devildom history. You only had Satan, Asmo and Solomon with you in this class. They sat away from you, but you could hear Asmo’s whispering from miles away. He was being seriously loud.

“You know what happened today? I tried talking to MC, and they literally ghosted me! I think there’s something up!”

Satan agreed with him, “You’re right. Mammon wouldn’t stop complaining today about how he couldn’t find MC.”

Solomon didn’t talk, but you could feel his stare from your spot in the class. You could almost hear his thoughts from how hard he was staring at you.

When the class ended, you packed up as fast as you could and almost ran from how fast you were, you didn’t want to talk to anyone at all.

You could hear Asmo and Satan yelling behind you, but you ignored them and ran away. You didn’t want to answer any of their questions, you don’t want to talk to them.

Your outburst yesterday with Belphegor made you wary of everyone else. You were worried if he had told them what happened, and then they would want to talk to you about it.

You didn’t want to talk about your feelings, you would break if you did. It scared you witless, it terrified you. You didn’t wanna ruin their relationship with Belphegor or you. You didn’t want to be selfish and hurt them with your stupid fear.

The minute you ran into the house, you could tell it was empty. There were no shoes lying around, and nobody was arguing. Perfect, you were by yourself, and there would be no one to bother you.

You kicked off your shoes and got to your room. You locked your door, put away your bag and slithered onto your bed, not having taken off your uniform. God, you were tired.

You wrapped the blankets around you and eased into the mattress. This way, you would feel better. You wouldn’t feel as bad as you usually did, you would feel great when asleep, you were able to finally escape from your wretched world. The world soon became indecipherable, indifferent.

You zoned out and fell asleep.

You woke up to the sound of chattering, laughter and arguing close by. The light creeped in from under your door and ended right at your face. Your room was extremely dark, a change from when you first got home.

You were still groggy and tired, but if you slept any longer then you wouldn’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night.

You were feeling pretty lonely, but to be honest? It may just be better this way. You wouldn’t feel hurt when the program ended and you had to go home, and you wouldn’t ruin a relationship that could last for thousand of more years.

You didn’t leave your room, but you kept your door locked and turned on the light. You decided you would pass the time playing Mononoke Land, a game that Levi introduced to you a while back.

It was quite interesting, and the time passed by quickly, but only by an hour. It was about 6 pm, so you still had a lot of time before you would need to sleep.

You felt jealous of everyone sitting in the living room, enjoying their evening. Asmo was probably painting his nails, Satan could be trying to read a book despite Mammon’s blabbering.

You snickered a bit at the thought of Mammon being yelled at by Satan while Beel ate in the background, and Belphegor-

Oh. Belphegor would be napping, like always. You were jealous of that, as scared you were of him. You wanted the ability to sleep at any time you wanted to, despite the setting or time. It would be really convenient for right about now.

You could feel yourself getting sadder by the moment, but you didn’t know how to deal with it. You were lonely and scared, but you didn’t know where to turn to.

A ping from your DDD shook you from your thoughts.

Solomon- Hello, MC, do you have a minute?

MC- Uh, yeah. Why?

Solomon- You left something behind at school and I forgot about it until now. I have your notebook with me, you forgot it at history.

MC - OH, shoot. Should I wait for you tomorrow or come now? It’s only 6 pm.

Solomon - The Devildom can be quite deceiving when it comes to the seasons, but it’s winter right now, and it’s dark. Don’t worry, I’ll be at the house of Lamentation soon. I wouldn’t want you to have your soul eaten.

You felt your cheeks turn red, he didn’t want you to get hurt.

MC - Thank you, Solomon, I’ll be waiting. Text me first, don’t ring the doorbell.

Solomon - Got it.

You shut off your phone and stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds, wondering about Solomon. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy after all, not that you thought he was. After all, he cared for you enough to not risk you getting hurt. How sweet of him.

You messed around on your phone for a bit while waiting for Solomon. You hanged around in your room idly, doing nothing in particular. You then got a notification from your phone. As it turned out, that new feature where you can look at other group chats that you’re not in got activated again.

In the group chat, there was a picture of Mammon on the front page news of Majolish, a fashion magazine. He was modelling again.

Asmo rambled on about him, surprised that his ‘scummy’ older brother got into the first page of Majolish. Honestly, snooping on them was kind of fun. You’ve probably got more than dozens of blackmail from this feature.

Solomon- MC, I’m here.

MC - I’ll be out soon.

You wrapped yourself in a jacket, still in your uniform. You would have to wash that soon, you probably sweat a lot in it.

You tried your best to avoid everyone, making yourself as quiet as a mouse, you hoped. The floors creaked slightly, but they were all probably too preoccupied to notice.

You got to the front door and silently opened it, seeing Solomon outside. He was wearing his casual clothes, but still had that same look on his face. Handsome, too.

”Hello, MC.” He took your notebook out of his pocket and held it in front of you, with his arm stretched. You reached out to grab it, but he snatched it away and looked at you smugly.

”Let’s have a little chat, first. You owe me, don’t you?”

You dumbly stood there, gaping at him. Of course- this was Solomon we were falling about. He’s as sketchy as it could get.

”Oh- fine!” You said, trying your best not to sound pissed.

You put on your school shoes and walked out the door, making sure to close it quietly. Solomon walked with you, not saying a word but you could guess your notebook was still in his pocket.

You sighed, “Look, Solomon, if you’re not going to give it back to me, then can I just go back home? I’m tired.”

He looked at you with a side glance. “I could tell. You’re still in your uniform.” Pausing for a second, he continued. “Why were you acting weird today? I wouldn’t have expected our dear MC to run off like that. So I assumed that something must be up.”

You looked at the ground, clenching your hands in your pockets and keeping your eyes off him. “What’s it to you?”

He stopped walking, and so did you. He chucked, “As a fellow human exchange student, I only want the best for you.” He took your notebook out of his pocket, placing it in your hands. “If you ever find yourself in need, I will be there, no matter the scenario.”

He pat your head, then walked off, calling behind him. “Good evening, MC.”

You stared at his back, confused. He has never been this close to you, why now? You glanced down at your notebook, where he seemed to have placed a little ripped note on it.

Tear-rible mistake on your behalf, leaving your notes behind.

-Solomon :)

It was a horrible pun, really, but that didn’t stop you from laughing out loud in the middle of the street, facepalming yourself. You turned and walked back to the House of Lamentation, trying to contain yourself.

Seeing the house in your view calmed you down a little, and you knew you had to be quiet to avoid Lucifer’s wrath. He could have probably heard you laughing from miles away if he tried hard enough.

You walked up the door and slowly opened it, wincing a little when your shoes scraped the carpet, leaving a little scuff mark. But he was an extreme perfectionist. He would notice that right away.

Panicking, you half ran to your room and locked it, sliding down the door in disbelief and relief. You really needed to find a better way to sneak out.

Your phone buzzed at the same time you thought it, almost as if in agreement.

Arrowverse Update 2021:

(No, I won’t call it The CW-Verse).

 Yes, I promised you one of these ages ago, but then RL turned everything around on its head, and I did not want to make one before all the shows were back in production and there was anything solid to tell you. So now I have lots.

 Only facts here, not politics, and only slight speculation regarding future developments, as always.

Batwoman

 Season 2 will start airing on the 17th of January and return to the shows usual time slot. They are planning to produce 19 episodes for this season. However given the times we are living in another production shutdown could prevent that number tob e fullfilled again, so take it with a grain of salt.

One of these 19 episodes will be part of this years Crossover-Event, which is a two parter and crosses over with „Superman& Lois“. Characters from the other shows are set to appear as well, however who that will be is unknown at this point. The Flash will probably be in it, aswell as someone from „Supergirl“, however if this someone is Kara is up for debate right now. John Constantine, Mick Rory, and Nate Heywood are the most likley candidates for someone from „Legends“. „Black Lightning“ is most likley not participating in the crossover. However someone from „Arrow“ might show up in it instead.

Ruby Rose is off the show and so is Kate Kane.

Just to clearify: Ruby Rose was not fired from the show , the higher ups at Warner and The CW were as surprised as we were about her decescion to leave, and Season 1 did not fail, quite the opposite actually: Until „Stargirl“ came along, „Batwoman“ was Number 3 on The CW, only „The Flash“ and „Riverdale“ did better. If the ratings of „Batwoman“ would have been bad, the whole network would be forced to shut down. Yes, the ratings dropped after „Crisis“ (but they dropped for all the shows except for „Arrow“ after the crossover), but they recovered, and overall „Batwoman“ was doing a lot better than let’s said fan favourite shows like „SPN“. The Powers That Be had every intention to go forward with Season 2 as originally planned.

Ruby Rose hurt her back a while back and had an emergency surgery after which she returned to the set of „Batwoman“, thereby disregarding her health. She has been suffering from chronical pain ever since. Thanks to Lockdown she was able to live the difference, a life without Batsuit, stunt work, and shooting days – and decided to quit. On the long run this might have happened eventually anyways. The actress has a history of depression and has been bullied online since the day it was announced that she got the part – by her own community as well as by Alt.Right Fanboys, who hate woman, LGBT-Characters, The CW, and the idea of anyone but Bruce Wayne being a Bat-Hero. Add that to physical pain, hard working hours, and a dislike for Vancouver, why should someone do that herself on the long run? However, it would not have happend between Season 1 and 2, and the writers would have had a chance to write Kate out of the show gardually and to build up an heir to her mantle at the same time. Now none of this will happen.

The producers decided against recasting Kate Kane as well as against making an established character into the new Batwoman. They even decided against bringing another Batfamily character from the comics into the show or introduce someone with ties to the established cast into the show for that purpose (like a cousin of Kate or Luke Foxs sister). Instead the quickly made up a brand new character – Ryan Wilder.

Ryan Wilder was invented for the show. Yes, she has shown up in a recent „Batgirl“ Comic, but make no mistake, she was inserted into that comic to make it look like she is a character from the comics, even though she isn’t. The Scripts for Season 2 predate that comic appearance by quite some time.

Javicia Leslie will be the new Batwoman, who has no ties to anyone in the show, but will witness whatever happens to Kate. So this will be a Miles Morales kind of situation, by the sounds of it. However we were told Kate won’t be killed of. Instead the Bat-Eating Monster that ate Batman will get her. Well kind of, she will disappear like Batman before her.

Ryan Wilder will have ties to Scarecrow though. If that means that somewhere along the line he will replace Alice as the main villain of the show is unknown. Safiyah is going to show up though, and will be played by Shivaani Ghai. She will face of with Alice, which seems to be one of the few preplanned elements, that will make their way into Season 2 after all. A female assassin named The Whisper will work for her, and a guy called Ocean will show up.

Pictures of the new Bat Suit have been released online. The most important part about the new look seemd to be the fact that you can tell that it’s an Afro American Woman by the silhouette. Juding by this the main focus of the show will shift. Discussions about DADT and Coming Outs are in the past, BLM it is instead. Ryan Wilder is supposed to be lesbian though. And a (former?) drug addict and goofy and „not the right person“ for the job of Batwoman at „this time“ of her life.

Given that there is a „Kate has disappeared“- storyline – either offscreen or via body double – it would make sense to have the character return to the show at some point in the future. However don’t expect that to happen in Season 2. As long as the two week quarantine period for people coming into Canada is in place guest stars won’t come cheap and might prefer to work in the US instead.

Also don’t expect to get Kate Kane back as a main character any time ever for that show. If she returns it will only be to wrap up her storyline and to give the new Batwoman her blessing.

Season 2 is currently filming in Vancouver. „Batwoman“ was one of the first shows to return to filming and has had a small filming break forced on them already, due to testing issues. However those seem to have been resolved. The production has been running smoothly for the most part.

Expect a proper trailer around December time and expect Season 2 to be treated like a new show by the network. Because that’s bascially what it is. (International distrubiton deals will however remain the same, so don’t worry about that, wherever you saw Season 1, it’s likely you will be able to watch Season 2 there too).

 Black Lightning (+ Painkiller)

 Season 4 will start airing on the 8th of Febuary and take the Monday night 9:00 pm slot. The season will consist of 13 episodes, and consdering that it’s the shows final season all of these episodes will be made and aired, come hell or high water.

We don’t know a whole lot about this season. Chantal Thuy will be part of the main cast in this season, so hopefully that means that Grace will consistently hang around all season and won’t do her usual disappearing act inbetween episodes.

What we do know is, that around the middle of the season a backdoor pilot for a potential Painkiller Spin-Off will air as episode 4.7. In it Khalil will end up in an new city Askahic Valley, where he will aim for a fresh start and find trouble instead. Helping those in need he will have to find a way to use his inner darkness  aka his Painkiller personality for good.

The backdoor pilot sounds engaging, kind of like a more down played version of „Legion“, but as for the chances for it to get picked up, we will have to wait and see. Being more of a follow up for „Black Lightning“ then a spin off the chances for a pick up are much better than most of us thought, when we still believed it to be a sister show to the adventures of the Pierce-Family. However it may be too high concept to find an audience. Furthermore the reboot of „Batwoman“ (see above) may also be enough for The CWs need to live up ist own diversity statement. So we will have to wait how the backdoor pilot works out for an audience and for the network, and also how the future plans for the Arrowverse in particular and their whole program in general for the 2021/2022 season will look like. Diversity also means not too many of those superheroes shows at the same time.

As for why it was decided that the series has to end with Season 4, this is currently still unknown. The ratings were always the poorest out of all the Arrowverseshows and also among the lowest of the whole program of the network, and Netflixs decision to go from weekly episodes to whole seasons also indicated that outside the UK and Australia the show did not do overly well, however the reason behind the decision might have nothing to do with any of that given that the show was rather consitent where the numbers where concerned. It might have been a creative decision, the fall out from the desire of on of the main actors to leave the show, or even a demand from Warner or AT&T. As of right now, we just don’t know, but the truth will come out eventually.

For International Netflix the season will likely be put on after it finishes airing in the US, just like Season 3 was. The Series Finale will probably air in May.

Season 4 is currently shooting in Atlanta. Due to this crossovers with the other shows are more or less out of the question for this season, however in theory characters from „Arrow“ could show up in the final season. But given that „Black Lightning“ always was its own thing, I would not count on it. However after the show is finished, Black Lighting, Thunder, and Lightning could show up from time to time in the Vancouver based shows, if the actors are willing (and in „Painkiller“ of course), so maybe „Black Lightning“ will be fully integrated in the Arrowverse after it’s finished in the same way „Constantine“ was.

 The Flash:

 Season 7 of „The Flash“ will start airing on the 23 of Febuary on Tuesday night right before  „Superman & Lois“. It’s planned to have 18 episodes in total. One of those is 6x20 („All’s Wells That Ends Wells“) which was already more or less finished, when the production shut down. Most of the episode will now be 7x01, however there might have been some reshoots concerning the scenes Hartley Sawyer was in (more on that later). 17 additional episodes are being filmed, provided there isn’t another  production shutdown.

The first three episodes of the season will be the slighty rewritten finale of Season 6 and deal with the Mirror Mistress. The rest of seasons will consists of two volumes again, shorter ones than usual though. As of now there are no plans for a crossover episode. Barry will however almost certainly show up in the „Batwoman“/“Superman & Lois“ Crossover Event.

Godspeed will be the main villain of at least the first half of the season. However it won’t be August Heart, it will be a new Godspeed instead. Also set to return are Top, Bloodwork, and Abra Kadabra.

Kayla Compton and Brandon McKnight will be part of Season 7s Main Cast. Hartley Sawyer however is off the show. After his Twitter was scammed, old tweets from long before he even joined „The Flash“ resurfaced, that included offensive jokes. One or two were racist, so he was fired. Ralph will be written out of the show in the first few episodes of the Season. He will shapeshift into another established character for storyline reasons and take his leave in this form. He might return later down the line, when the waves of his departure have subsided. In which form and played by which actor depends on how everything goes until then. Sue Dearborns storyline will be rapped up accordingly, however she is not of the show. She will return over the course of this Season and help out Team Flash time and time again.

There has been a lot of speculation about other actors leaving the show, given that their initial contracts are up and they cost a lot of money or might want to leave. Jesse L. Martin, Tom Cavanagh, und Carlos Valdes are the main concern here. However given that Season 6 was never finsihed, everyone from the main cast (including for story reasons of course Victoria Park and probably Patrick Sabongui) except Hartley Sawyer is returning for Season 7. If there are plans to kill anyone of in a shocking fashion in Episode 3, they obviously wouldn’t tell us. So it is of course possible that someone will leave the show during Season 7, however even if there were plans in place, Covid might have changed them. As for Jesse L. Martin, he might be safe, because we were told that a Joe West related storyline about the Police Issue will be part of this season (however that could of course happen during the first three episodes as well). Danielle Panabaker however will be back sooner than expected, and Frost will be part of the Mirror Mistress wrap up episodes. Given that the show started filming much later than usual, her maternity leave for which she departed the show in 6x19 was over before the returned to filming.

That said what might happen this season is something most people probably noticed during Seaon 6 already: Not everyone will be in every episode, and some might only have cameo appearances in certain episodes. Also US based guest stars might be a problem as long as the 2 week Quarantine for travelers to Canada is still in place. Don’t expect people to show up for only one scene or something like that.

As far as the Mirrorverse storyline goes, Iris will escape from there pretty early on in this season, however there will be lasting effects for her character (as you might have guessed from the last few episodes of Season 6). She will be confronted by a splintered part of her persona and might make a visit to the Eva McCullloch crazy town. If she will have Mirror Powers like Eva after she is out of the Mirrorverse is still unknown but possible, at least until the Mirror Mistress/Mirrorverse storyline is wrapped up.

The Volume after that will deal with Speedster and revolve around the new Godspeed. Originally Season 6 was supposed to end with a cliffhangar involving Eobard Thawne. If this is still the case for 7x03 is unknown. However it stands to reason that Reverse Flash could very well show up during the Speedster Volume. Wally West might also make his return. Und maybe a certain female West-Allen Child will as well. Jesse Wells could also show up at some point. The Wells-Situation will play into Season 7, so she might be connected to this storyline or the Speedster One or both.

What about the future though? There were plans to bring „Stargirl“ into the Arrowverse via „The Flash“. However „Stargirl“ is filming in the US, which means that these plans were postponed for the moment. We will see a Crossover between these two shows eventually (or if „The Flash“ ends before than between „Superman & Lois“ and „Stargirl“). However not until travelling between the US and Canda is easier again.

As for potential future seasons, we still don’t know whatever came of Grants talks about Season 8 and 9. It’s extremly unlikely (but not impossible) that Season 7 is the final Season for „The Flash“, however don’t take Eric Wallaces talks about „many seasons down the line“ for granted. Season 8 might be the last one, or the first of many more to come. We just don’t know at this point.

Season 7 is currently filming in Vancouver. They were forced to start a few days later than originally planned because of issues with testing results (those were delayed), however since they started the prodcution has been running smoothly, so fingers crossed that we will get all of those 18 episodes.

 Superman & Lois:

 „Superman & Lois“ will start airing on the 23 of Febuary on Tuesday nights right after „The Flash“. 13 episodes were ordered. It’s the big new show of The CW, but it did start filming relativly late, which is why they postponed the start date for the show from January to February. The pilot was supposed to shoot in spring, but couldn’t because of the production shutdown in Vancouver. Therefore they have just done the pilot and went directly on to Episode 2. Normally an episode order of a show like this one would be extended to 16, 20, or even 22 episodes pretty early on. This year however everything is different, and I personally don’t even think that they will extend to 16 episodes (there are clues that point into that direction), so it’s likely that we will get only 13 episodes in this first season. However if the extend the order, we might get 14 or 15 episodes instead.

One of those first 13 episodes will be the crossover episode with „Batwoman“. Characters from the other Arrowverse Shows will show up in it aswell, however it will be a much smaller Crossover than the latest ones. The Flash will probably be in it, as well as someone from „Supergirl“, and maybe someone from „Legends“. There is talk about John Diggle and a Green Lantern storyline, but none of this has been confirmed. However due to the fact that John und Lyla moved to Metropolis, „Superman & Lois“ is the most likely place for him to show up again.

Yes, the pilot script has been leaked, but please keep in mind, that they had months to change it. While the main points of the scripts probably remain the same, don’t expect everything you read to actually happen in the pilot.

That said, here is a summary of the shows synopsis: Clark und Lois have to learn to balanace their lifes as world famour reporters and superheroes with their lifes as parents. On Earth Prime they don’t have an infant son, but two teeange sons instead, that may or may not have inheretied their fathers powers. The Pilot sees them returning to Smallville out of family reasons and reconnecting with Lana Lang (Clarks first love) and her family (her Husband and her teenage daughter). While Lois father General Lane (recast for the show) expects his son in law to focus on the superbusiness, the couple would preferable focus on Smallville, which is in real estate troubles, but even the idyllic small town is all but this when a mysterouis stranger turns up and … well turns the show into a Superhero Show.

Tyler Hoechlin and Bitsie Tulloch return to their roles als Clark Kent and Lois Lane. Superman gets a new suit for the show. Pictures have leaked, but are of bad quality, however the main point of the suit change is to have him wear an endurable suit. His original suit was not made for long term use and was more or less falling apart by the time of „Crisis“.

Their sons are played by Jordan Elsass (Jonathan) and Alexander Garfin (Jordan). They are both thirteen, so apparanly twins, and don’t know that their father is Superman. Jonathan is good in sports but kind and well liked. Jordan on the other hand is smart, but a loner with an anxiety disorder. The new Sam Lane will be Dylan Walsh, Earth Prime hasn’t changed his attitude much, however he might be on better terms with Clark, whom he knows to be Superman. Emanuelle Chriqui is this shows Lana Lang-Cushing, she works at a bank and is in a difficult period of her life. Her husband Kyle Cushing is played by Erik Valdez and chief of the towns firedepartement. He is a drunk and a smalltown guy at heart. Their daughter Sarah Cushing is played by Inde Navarette, she is fourteen, tried to take her own life some time ago, and befriends the Kent boys. Wolé Parks downgraded from the devil to The Stranger, who … well !spoilers!  is said to be a Luthor from another dimension, stranded on Earth Prime. He is the main villain of the season and wants to prove that the world that it does not need Superman anymore. Presumable with violence.

If this is true, the events of „Crisis on Infinite Earths“ will play a rather massive part in „Superman & Lois“. Another massive part is tragedy it seems. Something happend to Martha Kent that bringts Clark back to Smallville, and something did happen to the Cushing Family (it might have something to do with their younger daugther Sophie). Also Clark has lost his job at the Daily Planet. So this is quite a dark set up for this new show, which will mainly take place in Smallville, while Metropolis will take the backseat, but will factor into the show. Perry White is set to appear. So is Morgan Edge, who is the one who fired Clark, because after not getting CatCo he appearanty bought the Planet. And is not in jail, but buying real estate in Smallville as well. Sadly he is another character they are recasting for the show. He is probably supposed to be the Earth Prime Version of the character we know, but maybe not. Nevertheless he is is the other main villain of the Season. (The Stranger might be Clarks villain, while he is Lois‘).

As for other news, yes a writer was let go from the show and then complained on Twitter about it, making it into a toxic workplace thing, but the main thing I took from that is the „no extension for this seaons episode count“-clue. Everything else is none of our concern. Of course she would say her writing is good. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. She was probably let go, because there were too many writers on the show, and for none other reason. If however there was something untoward going on, Warner and The CW would know (at least by now) and do something about it, they have a history of doing exactly that, e. g. Andrew Kreisberg. That does not mean that all the other scripts are bad, it only means that she was frustrated because she was sacked and felt it happened because she pushed certain points in the writers‘ room, that were incooperated into the scripts long before she was sacked. She might not haven been the only writer pushing for those points, others might have put them into their scripts without discussing it in the room beforehand, we only know her side of everything. So just wait and see.

As for: Will Kara turn up in the Pilot? Normally she would. It’s a Spin Off from „Supergirl“ after all. If the pilot would have been shot in spring, Melissa surely would have turned up in it. However given that she allegedly won’t go back to shooting until next year, she might not. They could film a short scene with her and insert it into the Pilot before it airs, as soon as she is back to Vancouver. But given that she will have to catch up with her own show, maybe this won’t happen. Maybe it was never even planned, because they did not feel the need for it. Everyone knows who Superman and Lois Lane are. Even people who never touched a comic book in their life. Maybe they thinkt that showing Kara would ty the new show too much to the established Arrowverse and „Supergirl“ in particular. However it would be a major disappointment, if she does not show up at all in this show. But sady given the shooting reality of this season it’s a high possibilty that she won’t. Let’s just hope that she in it in some shape or form. Maybe even in the crossover.

Anyway, Season 1 of „Superman & Lois“ is currently shooting in Vancouver. They had to postpone the start of the shoot several times, but they are up an running now, and should be able to complete the 13 planned episodes, if there isn’t a major production shutdown coming their way again.

Legends of Tomorrow

 Season 6 of „Legends of Tomorrow“ will air in 2021, starting with „Ground Control to Sara Lance“ around June, maybe May, if we’re lukcy. Season 6 will consist of 13 episodes and will be pretty complex, but if any show can pull of the concept behind the Season in times like this it’s „Legends“.

Shayan Sobhian and Adam Tsekhman will be part of the Main Cast in Season 6. The Waverider will also gain a new crewmember in the form of Esperanza „Spooner“ Cruz, who will be played by Lisseth Chavez. Oliva Swanns Astra will return to the show as well. Newbie Spooner will be tough and self sufficent and won’t play well with the others in the beginning. Definitifly not a warm presence in the beginning, she believes that she was abducted by aliens as a kid and has gained the ability to telepathically communicate with them since then. That will make her the key to find the Waveriders abduted Captain Sara Lance, provided she is not only a paranoid crazy lunatic and actually can do all of this.

The show has also cast Raffi Barsoumian as a new character named Bishop, who is a genuis, but also very dangerous and might actually be the big bad of the season. Structurally the Legends will encounter a new aliens species every week. The idea of using the Waverider as an actual space ship has been around in since Season 1, and now comes to fruition. If one of these aliens species they encounter will be a certain Hawk-related one remains to be seen. It would make sense, however I am not so sure the writers would want to hawk back (sorry) to Season 1 at this point.

Sara will be on her own journey for a while in this season. She won’t be immedeatly rescued in Episode 1. Meanwhile Ava will have a hard time coping with the loss of her Co-Captain and unravel. Maybe Nate will try to lend her a hand, but at the beginning of the season the Legends will very much be dysfunctional without their Time Mom.

Astra will try her hand at a human life and life with John in his house, while Zari und Behrad will be the shows version of the Wonder Twins, sharing the Totem, and learning how to be a team. Essential to this will be Episode 2 of this Season („Meat: The Legends“), which will also explore what is was like for Behrad to grow up in his child star sisters shadow.

There have been contradicting claims about how exactly the aliens will be introduced in the shows. The initial claim made by the writers was that the Legend would visist a different alien planet every week. However later the claim surfaced that different alien races would pop up in Earths History in different time periodes every week. The first claim would make every kind of crossover with the rest of the Arrowverse really difficult, however when „Legends“ is going back on air, this seasons crossover will most likely be over already, and furthermore the character who would have made the most sense in it – Sara Lance – wouldn’t be able to be in it anyways, given the Season 5 Cliffhangar Ending. Still a Legend could show up in the Crossover, maybe John Constantine or Mick Rory or even Nate Heywood. On the other hand, Gary war in „Elseworlds“, so mabye Spooner will just run around in „Superman & Lois“ in the backround while chasing aliens, one never knows with „Legends“.

This is pretty much most of what we know at this point about Season 6. So I guess, I have to adress some of the obvious concerns around this season right now. Number One would be if Season 6 is the last season. With both „Supergirl“ and „Black Lightning“ ending this season, it would be very stupid of The CW to end „Legends“ as well, especially given that „Arrow“, „Supernatural“ and „The 100“ also just ended in 2020. However the ratings were never the greatest, and the show is the most expensive and most complicated out of the Arrowvers Shows. But it also got pretty good press in the last couple of years. So maybe there will be a Season 7. The producers obviously bought themselves Season 6 by trading in Brandon Routh. They might do something simelar this season. Given that Caity Lotz is the face of the show, the most likely and most expensive candidate to get kicked out it Dominic Purcell. So will Rory leave in the middle of Season 6? Maybe. The problem here is that his most logical reason for him leaving is currently shooting Season 3 of „Lost in Space“. However she is doing it in Canada, and I have no idea what the shooting schedule for „Lost in Space“ looks like, so they could bring Lita back in to write Mick Rory out with her. However, they would not do this, if they knew beforehand that there is no Season 7 (because why waste an fan favourite character for nothing?). Dominic also already had reduced Screentime in Season 5 and might want to leave after Season 5 anyway. So we will have to wait and see.

The other concern revolves around John Constantine. Warner is trying to re-establish the character in it’s DC Movies or at least it seems like that. Right now we are in a phase were pretty much all DC Characters can be used at the same time in different continuities, however that could change any moment. Obviously they wouldn’t cancel „Superman & Lois“ once it’s on air because of this, but they could force the producers to write John Constantine out of the Arrowverse. However, until John is scheduled to appear in a DC movie, at least two more seasons could have gone by, so while it is possible that we will have to bid John goodbye after Season 6, it is also possible that we will have him around in Season 7. If there is a Season 7 that is. We’ll have to wait and see.

I have said multiple times that in theory „Legends of Tomorrow“ could go on forever, if they keep rotating the cast. But The CW is not known for thinking that much outside the box. Every additional season they have been given to their shows with lower ratings, including „Legends“, was already thinking outside the box. No other network would have done this. Plus At&T or Warner or both are pushing HBOmax right now and would prefer new shows that stream there over older shows that stream on Netflix (in the States that is). Therefor „Legends“ will probaly go away rather sooner than later. Sadly.

However, Season 6 is currently filming in Vancouver. You can follow Keto Shimizu on Twitter, if you wanna get updated when they start filming a new episode. The original start date had to be pushed back a couple of days because of testing issues, but those have been resolved, and since then the first round of episodes has been done without a hitch.

Supergirl

 Season 6 of Supergirl will air 2021 around June or maybe in late May, if we are lucky. It will be the final season and will consist of 20 episodes. Don’t worry, „Supergirl“ will be 2021s „Supernatural“, those 20 episodes will be made and aired, if it’s humanly possible, they will find a way, no matter what.

„Supergirl“ is my White Whale among the Arrowverse Shows right now, I can literally tell you next to nothing about what is going to happen in this season. I can’t even tell you what is happening behind the scenes. There is next to no confirmed information about the final season out there.

What I can tell you is, that they will pick up where Season 5 left off, that Jon Cryer will be a big part of Season 6, and that Karas and Williams slow burn relationship will continue to … slow burn, I guess. And that’s it. Sorry.

Season 5s Main Cast ist back together, expect for Andrea Brooks, but I can’t even tell you that for sure, because while she has not be confirmed to be in the season yet, nobody said she wouldn’t be in it either.

Yes, the ending leaked, or so some people thought, but this ending has mainly been an educated guess based on fan wishes. It’s plausible but not set in stone.

What I can tell you is: No, „Supergirl“ has not been cancelled. If it had been up to The CW the show would have gotten another Season, at least. „Supergirl“ always did fairly good for the network, better than „Arrow“ actually. What happened is pretty simple, it’s the same thing that happened to „Arrow“. The Leads contract was up, and said person did decide against an extension. There have been rumors about Melissas contract spanning seven seasons, but those have been based on wrong assumptions. The standart contract a lead actor signs when he or she does a pilot contains six seasons. Melissa signed one of those. But as you might remember „Supergirl“ did not start out on The CW, it did start out on CBS and Season 1 was filmed in Los Angeles. After Season 1 swollowed too much money, Warner moved the show to the cheaper network and to Vancouver. At this point the contracts were renegotiated. Calista Flockhart even left the show – which she could without breaching contract, because „Supergirl“ was not any longer the show she signed on for originally.

At this point Melissas contract changed – she has less screen time from Season 2 onwards than she had in Season 1, because she demanded more time to travel home to L.A. at the weekends. However what did not change and would not have changed was the six season thing. It would have been very irregular for her to sign a new six season contract at this point. Or for the network to extent it for a season. Especially for The CW who is actually used to shows with fewer seasons (forget SPN for a moment, that was its own thing). So it was and always has been six seasons.

Now between Season 4 and 5 Melissa and Chris decided they wanted to try for a baby. Which is by the way the real reason Supergirl got a new costume in Season 5. Melissa got pregnant, informed the producers and the network. Plans for Season 5 were shifted from 22 to 20 episodes, and to an early start for the filming of Season 6 with a break in the middle so they could work around Melissas pregnancy. But then Covid hit, the production was shut down amidst the Season Finale, and Season 6 became a problem because it would collide with the leads pregnancy leave. During all of this Melissa was in negotiation for a contract extension. And did not sign it. So the producers and the network decided to end „Supergirl“, because without Kara there would be no point to continue. They ended „Arrow“ when Stephen decided to leave, even though they had enough potential replacements from both genders ligned up. They only possible replacement for Kara was written out of the show with the end of Season 3. So that’s all that is to it.

It was definitly not axed to make place for „Superman & Lois“. „Superman & Lois“ has been in works since around „Elseworlds“, and the dream has always been that those two shows would co-exists. However the fact that „Supergirl“ is ending may have factored into the decescion to pick up „Superman & Lois“, so that the successor show is already in place, when „Supergirl“ ends.

So they are currently filming Season 6 in Vancouver, at least some of them are, because as predicted Melissa is still on Maternity Leave. It’s said (and I can’t confirm that) that she will return to filming in January, because the production will take an extended christmas break. Extended because of the two weeks quarantine period. Everyone who goes to the States to see their family will have to quarantine for two weeks before they can go back to shooting after they return to Canada. So that would mean that they filmed for quite some time without Melissa. If that means that she is only in 10 to 15 episodes of the final season or that her scenes are filmed seperatly and she will get stuck in the faceless suit again or if she is deaged and played by an other actress for a couple of episodes or gets turnes invisible and is there in voice only I don’t know. I only know that they are currently filming without her.

And what about crossovers? Given that it’s the final season, there will be no crossover episodes in Season 6 (however someone from the other shows might show up in a small way). As for the characters crossing over to other shows, I again don’t know. Someone will be in the Two Part Crossover between „Batwoman“ and „Superman & Lois“, probably, however we don’t know if this someone will be Melissas, because the focus will be to produce those 20 final episodes with as much her in it as possible. So maybe J’onn or Alex will be in the crossover instead.

And yes, they were originally meant to start filming in September, but there was a problem with the test results. Now, that problem hit all the other shows as well, „Batwoman“ even had to halt shooting for a few days, while the other shows pushed their start date back until the results were in. The strange thing is, however, that most of the other shows only lost of couple of days, a week tops, „Supergirl“ however started almost two weeks later, then it was originally suppossed to. Now, that would be the „someone was testes positve“ period, but they were allowed to go back to shooting around a week after their original date. But took another week or so to get going. Maybe. They might have started earlier, however all the other shows told us via Social Media when they started shooting (or picked it up again) and „Supergirl“ didn’t do so until about two weeks  into October. I have no idea why.

But sadly that’s how the show is communicating with its fans right now: Not at all. I wasn‘t even sure they were really back to filming, when I saw those first very cryptic posts until two days later, when David (bless his heart) tweeted that he was on set and started shooting again. Before that Jon Cryers ring-story (check it out online, if you want to, it’s heartwarming and great) was the only thing somehow related to the shooting of Season 6 anyone could find.

So yeah, they are filming. And plan to do that for nine more months at least. After that, it’s over. Which is sad, but well, it is what it is.

 Green Arrow and the Canaries (+ Wonder Girl)

 As for the „Arrow“ Spin Off, I wish I had news in any form. The show has not been picked up, but it has not been axed either. At the moment it can go both ways. I always guessed that The CW was considering „Green Arrow and the Canaries“ for the 2021/22 Season and not for the Current Season, and this has turned out to be true, but the backdoor pilot aired in January. And now it’s November! Normally we would have heard something either way by now.

And there are two problems: There is that very important thing I have been going on about in the „Supergirl“ Section quite long about called contracts. There is an expireing date on those things - actors can’t stop making money, just because some executives can’t make up their mind about a pilot. And then there is the bigger threat which is the new „Wonder Girl“ show which is in development for The CW, and which is more likely to be picked up by the network to fill the Female Lead Superheroe Show Hole, that „Supergirl“ is leaving behind than „Green Arrow and the Canaries“. I don’t think the network would pick up both of these shows in the same season (or maybe even at all).

So it does not look good, right now for the show, but as long as there is no word about it not going forward, there is still hope. Also, we may get a new version of it in form of a new project instead, if it does not go into series. You never know.

 (Stargirl is not one here because I don’t consider it part of the Arrowverse yet).

College Tips for Neurodivergence and Chronic Illness

Hey Everyone!I just wanted to talk for a minute about the stuff that I do to make college slightly easier to get through, and ask around for if anyone else has any advice.

Physically going to class:

1. Physical Calmness: Make a small physical maintenance travel bag that you carry with you EVERYWHERE. Include things like moisturizer, chapstick, cough drops/sucking candy, nail clippers, hair ties, eye drops, pain relief meds, sunglasses- anything that you frequently need to maintain you and your body’s ability to be calm. Sensory overload frequently becomes a thing on campus, and frequently overstimming on campus can make it really hard to want to go to class every day. I carry 6 ponytails, 2 chapstick, 4 advil, 4 sucking candies, 2 tampons, emergency ear plugs and earphones, gloves, moisturizer and sunglasses every day and I swear they make the difference between wanting to run crying out of my classroom and being able to hold on some days.

2. Make Checklists: Especially if you deal with executive function issues (like me!) you can build checklists for every day, repetitive tasks as well as normal to-dos to help you manage everything at once without forgetting anything. Don’t feel obliged to make the list pretty or perfect, just keep adding and refining the lists as you notice stuff you’ve forgotten or usually do. Write lists for literally everything. There is no shame to writing everything down. That being said, if you end up scheduling your days, always leave yourself an hour or two a day and like 10-15 minutes before crucial junctures so you aren’t stressed about running late and can actually unwind sometimes.

3. Eat: Some people will have meal plans, some will cook at home and bring stuff to school, but it’s absolutely fucking critical to chemical homeostasis (especially if you do what I do and wind up in class from like 10 am to 7 pm) to plan when and what you’ll eat- either by scheduling adequate meal breaks to go buy it, or packing it ahead of time. This is when lists can help: I remember to pack my lunch and snacks every morning or prep food for consumption when I get home only because I leave it on sticky notes on my phone when I go to sleep.  Just drinking coffee nearly made me have an anxiety related melt down my freshman year before I realized that the constant feelings of a racing heart were only partially because of anxiety and were also because of the sheer amount of caffeine in my system. Eating healthy is also important, and will make you feel even better than just eating, but now is not the time to put yourself on a starvation diet just to lose 10 lbs. Eating high protein has helped some of my snacky issues as well as generally gives me more energy, and making my own mealprep at home- even my own muffins and cookies- generally are more healthy for my than what I get in the store. Fruit, cheese, lunch meat (or sliced cooked meat) and pickles or olives in endless combination work great for me as mindless snacky food, as does homemade popcorn (either in a skillet or costco bags) because it’s dirt cheap and you can put anything from seasoning salt to furikake and shredded dried pork on it. If you need help figuring out recipes, feel free to pm me! I’m good at working with nutritional and budgetary restraints. Pancakes are kind of a universal good.

4. Give yourself permission to leave: If you’re triggered, or seconds away from panic, GET UP AND LEAVE. College classes are not the same as high school classes, and most teachers are perfectly fine with you getting up to get water, or go to the bathroom, or cry in the bathroom. Try to make sure you go back to class most of the time, but if you’re really that stressed, also give yourself permission to leave. 

5. Find a backup note system: There will be days that you cannot go to class. Accept this. Therefore, it is critical to find a way to make sure you always get the notes. Some colleges offer note taking assistance, some allow you to audio record lectures (check 1 and 2 party consent states first), and some leave you to your own devices, in which case, make a casual buddy to get notes from. You do not need to be besties with this person, Try to make sure you know how many days you actually have to go, and minimize grade damage when you can’t.

6. GET ENOUGH SLEEP. I cannot emphasize this enough; whether or not you’re taking medication, getting enough sleep is critical to pretty much everything that might be going on in your head- hormone issues, depression, autism, whatever. Your brain is going to be stressed out by the new environment and the additional, new problem solving that it has to do; help it make its best decisions. I literally wake up on less than 7 hours of sleep and consider selling my siblings on the black market. Don’t do it. 

7. Be careful about Caffeine; Some people are more or less sensitive to caffeine, or forms of caffeine, don’t develop a coffee addiction just because it’s in vogue. Matcha seems to have the most stabilizing caffeine affect on my brain of all the caffeine options, though tea still works universally better than coffee.  I also make my own “lattes” and cold brew at the beginning of the week and keep them in my fridge; a 2oz jar of matcha powder may cost like 60$ but it will make me about 90 cups of tea and last me two semesters especially if I mix in other kinds of cheaper teas in my morning; it’s certainly cheaper than starbucks- cups of latte come out to 95c and have about a third of the calories (which means I can drink more of them!) Which ties into;

8. Budgetting. You might be stressed out about money or make tons of tables and charts to try to deal with that stress; there are a lot of ways to cope with it, but my favorite method (and I still use a combination of these) for dealing with food and consumable stuff you need regularly like shampoo and soap or socks are: separate that money from everything else that you need to buy, then at the beginning of a semester 

Go to Costco, a particular kind of “exotic” grocery store, or a farmers market. Buy and then freeze meat, vegetables, and fruit (if you use them in baked goods or in yogurt) or get prefrozen meat- make sure you’re checking the price/lb or K for the cheapest, and bags of either rice, flour, boxes of pasta (cheap carbs) and oil- i recommend having canola, it’s utilitarian for frying with a high flash point. If your budget isn’t tiny, this is a great time to also get dried (or canned but I don’t like the texture) beans, and canned meat or sauce if you actually eat it. The key is to get cheap bulk things that will last for a semester or five, and that are always on hand.

Take the rest of your food budget out in cash. Separate it into bundles for “each week”, put them in your wallet, and return the change to the jar when you’re done. It was always easier for me to visualize how much spending money for food that I had when I physically had the cash; it meant I didn’t overspend and it also meant that I started making better “investment” decisions; I’d buy cinnamon sticks one week, or good olive oil the next, instead of dropping a couple hundred dollars on ingredients I might have never used.

Do a similar bulk buy of products you know you use, and then leave the rest of that money- also in cash!- in a separate jar with a stickynote on top. When you have to use money for stuff from it, just stuff the receipt in the jar with the cash and do your accounting When You Have Brainspace.

I deal with other bigger accounting stuff over cards, but I try to limit one card to rent, insurance, school payments, big regular stuff that I autopay and always pay off, and one card to “emergency” stuff that I’m always working on paying off- think emergency dental work, car broke, etc. That one I do gig labor to cover when I can.

Anyone else, feel free to chime in! It’s super useful to have lists of tips and tricks!

Novel Recap: Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam

Prologue & Chapter 1

Man, it’s been some time since I’ve started this little series. And originally I wanted to do Dark Era first. But since 2020 has been a shit year so far I’m not in the mood to read even more depressing stuff. So, I decided for something a little brighter.

Also: “Recap”, that was the word I was looking for, after I failed to come up with a proper name lol.

As most of you probably already know the first light novel is the original story from season 1, episodes 6 & 7. But it’s without Atsushi, since Atsushi hasn’t been introduced as a main character yet. They also gave some of Dazai’s original lines to Atsushi, which I think is not the best decision, since it alters the characterization. There are also some heavy differences between the novel and its anime counterpart. I personally prefer the novel.

But anyway, let’s get started, we’re inside Kunikida’s mind the whole time. This is going to be fun.

The prologue begins with Kunikida explaining what his ideals are, how he met his ideals, why he married his ideals, and when he plans to have babies with his ideals.

My name is Doppo Kunikida, an idealist who lives in reality, a realist who pursues ideals.

I have this stupid mug I bought back when I started studying. It will now forever remind me of Kunikida:

And this is a record of the struggles between a man who yearns for the realization of ideals and a new hire destined to interfere with them.

The following interference of ideals took place between 5 pm and 6 pm [ding ding]

Also here are some interesting excerpts from his ideals...notebook...diary... ideals-diary. I’m gonna call it that now:

Takekoshi came to my house. We took a stroll under the moonlight together.

Ha, gAAAAAAAAYYYY.

I ate a pear. It wasn’t sweet.

Then why did you eat it in the first place????

The story continues to turn into a beginning of a Brooklyn 99 episode, but it’s with Dazai and Kunikida chasing some random thief. Come to think about it, isn’t the ADA supposed to take only cases the police can’t deal with? Guess the police in the BSD universe is even more incompetent than I thought.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s all according to plan. More importantly, guess what I just saw.”

“I don’t care!”

“It’s this incredibly rare book called ‘The Complete Suicide’. I’ve been searching all over for it, and I just noticed it on display in the used bookstore back there-- Ah! I have to go back and buy it before someone else does.”

And that’s how Dazai met the love of his life. Can we also talk about that the title “The Complete Suicide” sounds rather strange? Especially when I translate it into German: “Der Komplette Selbstmord”. Oh god, fuck off, book!

But no matter how twisted my partner’s interests are, no matter how much he tries to sabotage the mission, I will not allow the criminal to escape for failure is not written in my schedule.

“For failure is not written in my schedule.” -> That is an awesome and inspiring quote. I want it on a t-shirt. Or on another mug.

After a chase through a crowd of people they’re able to catch the thief, thanks to Kunikida’s ability and Dazai’s... uh... plan.

One resident speaks up. “J-just who are you people?”

I whip out my detective license and hold it up in the air so everyone can see.

“There is no need for concern. We’re with the Armed Detective Agency.”

[Brooklyn 99 intro starts playing]

.

And that’s it for the prologue! On to chapter 1:

8th

It rained this morning. A quiet shower, but frigid like the depth of winter. I yearn to live for my ideals. I strive for my ideals. I move forward without fear, without fatigue, without hesitation. Neither dreams nor honor will be pursued--for how euphoric it an be to solely devote oneself to quotidian tasks.

Why does this sound like the lyrics to an Evanescence song? *sad Amy Lee voice* Frigiiiii~d like the depth of wiiiiiii~nteeeee~r

Also... Kunikida, you must be a blast to have on a date. No wonder the women swoon over you.

But despite its [the building of the ADA] appearance, it’s so sturdily built that even machine-gun artillery fire from the outside wouldn’t cause any damage to the interior. That may sound oddly specific, but it’s happened to us.

*nods heavily* Sounds like completely normal work hazards to me, don’t know what you’re talking about.

Kunikida tells us that he checks his schedule many times. Like... really many times. Probably also while using the bathroom. I don’t know if this is a normal behaviour, but okay. So he goes to work and finds Dazai being high thanks to shrooms, dancing around in the office, to everyone’s demise.

“Whoa there’s a giant sea anemone outside the window, Kunikida! A banana... It’s eating a banana! And it’s even removing the white stringy bits!”

Yes, this man is a terrifying genius and an ex-Port Mafia executive.

Man, I should try these mushrooms one day, too. Dazai’s visions really sound entertaining.

I pour coffee into my mug as I always do.

I really hope we share the same mug, Kunikida! Don’t disappoint me!

But now, I don’t want to hide my all time fav quote from Dazai from you:

“Oh, I’ve got it. I need to take off my clothes. I need to get naked to get higher ratings! It’s simple, really! Let us undress! After that, we can all put on full-body thighs, go to the bank, and dance the hopak!”

Yes, this man is a terrifying genius and an ex-Port Mafia executive.

I land a roundhouse kick to the back of Dazai’s head, knocking him against the wall and rendering him unconscious.

Everyone in the ADA after that:

.

We’re told how Kunikida and Dazai met and the day he was introduced as a new employee into the ADA

In that moment, I suddenly sense a cold, piercing light in his eyes, as if he were calmly evaluating his senior--no, as if he were staring into my very soul through the eyes of a heavenly, enlightened sage. [...] Was I seeing things? Could my mind have been playing tricks on me?

Dazai uses Leer. It’s very effective.

If you only know the anime version, than you completely missed the fact that Fukuzawa and Kunikida had a conversation about Dazai. They both realize that there must be something wrong about his alleged background, because it doesn’t quite add up. And then there is also the fact that his ability is extremely dangerous.

“I would like you to bring Dazai with you while you work and see if he can be trusted. If you ever feel he could be an emissary, intelligence operative, or spy of some sort, then you are to fire him without hesitation. However, if you sense any sign of wickedness in his heart...”

The president takes a black automatic pistol out from a bag behind him, then presents it to me.

You do not fuck with shachou and his family.

.

The next day they meet with a teenage hacker boy called Rokuzu, because the ADA received an anonymous email requesting them to investigate a haunted building. And since neither the Ghostbusters nor the Winchester brothers reside in Yokohoma that task also falls into the ADA’s hands.

“Anyway, it’s not like you to be late. What, were you on a ‘date’ or something?”

He makes a circle with one hand and shoves a finger in it with the other.

Typical teenage boy behaviour.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I only plan on going on dates with the woman I marry. And according to the ‘Future Plans’ page in my notebook [...] it’s going to be another six years before I get married.”

“Hold up. You already got a girl you’re gonna marry?”

“Not for another four years.”

Thank god, we live in times with apps like tinder and stuff, so we can all schedule our marriage and dating plans.

The next things happen pretty much the same as in the anime. They ask the teenage hacker boy to look up the sender of the mail, they meet with the taxi driver who tells them about the abduction of several people, Dazai tries to Tokyo Drift but fails miserably (which wasn’t shown in the anime) and then they investigate the haunted building, which turns out to be an abandoned hospital. They do this in the middle of the night, of course.

Oh, and Kunikida is absolutely terrified of ghosts. *deep voice* You’re in Silent Hill, son.

They hear a scream for help and run to the rescue, just in time to find a woman named Sasaki almost drowning in a tank. Thankfully she gets rescued by these two gentlemen, otherwise it may have been the end for her.

Aside from Dazai’s overcoat, she’s nearly naked and soaking wet in the middle of the night.

Damn, that poor woman. She must be freezing.

Her hands tightly wrapped around her elbows and her legs stretched out on the floor are especially delicate.

Uuuhhh.... Kunikida? Dunno if this is the right moment to-

The clothes clinging to her body sketch the outline of an alluring figure.

This man needs a hug.

I feel almost as if I could see through her remarkably fine porcelain skin.

Maybe a little bit more than just a hug.

Wet hair clings to her nape as water drips onto her chest.

Kunikida STAHP!

I avert my gaze for absolutely no reason.

“absolutely no reason” -> PFFFFFFFF. Sasaki tells them that there are other people trapped here and wants to lead Dazai and Kunikida to them.

“... Wait.” I place a hand on Miss Sasaki’’s shoulder, stopping her. “Dazai, what do you think?”

“The way she’s dressed makes me feel things,” he says with a straight face.

“Be serious.!”

“with a straight face” -> so no feeling things at all? Dazai stop playing straight already. Even Kunikida doesn’t buy it anymore.

Anyways Dazai thinks Sasaki’s story is a little bit too convenient. They’re searching for the other victims trapped here, but when they find them it’s already too late, since a poison gas trap somehow activates and they have to retreat.

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXIII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Lucifer Is Coming

(11x04/11x05/11x06/11x07)

Hello everyone! Second meta from season 11, this time we’re gonna talk about the Casifer foreshadowing in the first episodes.

I want to say thank you to @destielle , the angel that beta reads this mess.

Now, let's start!

An episode for Baby

Episode 11x04 is a beautiful chapter in which we have Baby as the protagonist.

The brothers went out on a hunt, while Cas stays at home to recover. Then one of the sweetest TFW scenes occurs:

Gif credit @mad-as-a-box-of-frogs

Castiel's quirk of being clueless sometimes is well known by the brothers and also one of his cutesy charms. That's why when Cas asks 'What is Netflix?' Sam looks immediately at Dean, searching for his brother’s face because… Cas is too cute and he knows his brother loves it. But Dean remains stoic. Okay, we know he is dying inside of cuteness, but he needs to pretend he’s cool about it.

Another important scene is this dialogue…

SAM: You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

DEAN: Have you not heard a single word Bob's been singing about? You're tired. I can tell.

And what’s the context of that?

First of all, they arrived at a Roadhouse. Dean wants to have a wild night, but he ends up alone, and not as drunk as he expected (but in a good mood so maybe he just wanted to get some drinks alone, and that's all). This speaks about his maturity, the way he is close to that moment in his life where he’s searching for something else than just one wild night with a random waitress. And that's because, maybe, he already found the one for him: Cas. He is aware of his feelings for the angel then, and it’s just like what’s happening in the song I DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE from season 8, remember that one? Okay, so Dean Winchester DOESN'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE BUT CAS.

But then he finds Sam with that random waitress… and he is happy for his brother. They start to sing a song that speaks about ONE NIGHT WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT COMPROMISES. And then Sam asks Dean that huge question if he wanted TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A HUNTER (a quote we will hear again in episode 11x19).

Dean saying to his brother 'You are tired' and 'You're exhausted' is more of a way of talking to himself, really. Dean is out from that life. Dean doesn't want a love for one night. Dean wants to settle down with Castiel.

The Soulless BabySitter

Episode 11x05 introduces us to a well-known and meaningful weapon, THE AXE.

The axe represents anger, and we will see it again in the next episode which talks about AMARA'S anger and revenge on her brother.

Now, we have a soulless babysitter named Audrey. She represents an important foreshadowing of Casifer.

She is supposed to take care of the kids, but she’s a murderer. Figuratively she fills the same position Cas does with the Winchesters, being their assigned guardian angel, but being possessed by evil (Lucifer).

The fake happiness and peace Amara radiates is the same that she uses to control Dean.

Heart decision

Jumping to episode 11x06 'Our Little World' we see that Castiel's depression is a huge deal which will be playing into his decision to say yes to Lucifer eventually.

Gif set credit @subcas

Gif set credit @katteens

Also deaths in this episodes are provoked by axes and we meet Amara again.

One of the most important things in this episode is this little dialogue:

DEAN: Hmm. Well, it looks like a stalemate to me. I guess we go ahead and kill him right now.

SAM (walking across the room towards Dean)

No, no, no. Dean, wait. We can exorcise him.

DEAN: What? Save his meat suit.

This is a premonition of Dean and Sam’s dialogue where they’re deciding on what to do with Amara and Casifer, remember? Dean wants to save Cas and put Lucifer into another vessel... A very bad plan, isn’t it? Well, the writers are presenting us a similar situation, but this time there's no emotion attached to the possessed vessel in question. Just to let us know that Sam is making a decision by heart, because his moral tells him it’s the right thing to do, whereas Dean is in full-on war mode. The two will switch places in that matter by the end of the season.

Then, the writers recall the dark relationship between Crowley and Dean (when Dean was a demon) as a parallel of Amara and Dean’s dark forced bond. They’re reinforcing that it’s something DARK, BAD, NOT GOOD.

Another interesting thought about this episode I had is about the parallel between Castiel/Metatron and Sam/the random Demon. Both of them, Castiel and Sam, making the same decision, having mercy for their enemies. The similarities in their behaviours stem from the fact that Sam and Cas, as I said a lot of times, think very much alike. That's one reason why I consider them a perfect work team. So, when the time comes, Sam will choose to let Casifer fight against Amara while being absolutely confident that that’s in Cas’ accordance. Why so sure? Because they know each other very well, being friends a long time, so they know how the other one is thinking, in fact, like themselves.

Visual Narrative: if you pay close attention to Lucifer's cage, you can spot a tiny bit of blue there (which we know stands for Cas). And the walls of the motel room in which Dean and Sam are staying have a green and yellow flower print (green for Dean, yellow for Sam).

Gif credit @cheerfulsammy-blog

Lucifer behind the constipated angel mask

Episode 11x07 talks about soulless people wearing different masks. When the masks fall, we can see mostly beautiful young people with blue eyes who are acting weird and killing people (remember Dean talking to Cas on the phone and saying ‘HE WAS WEIRD’?). Yes, all of these people are representing Casifer. Beautiful blue eyed people, hidden behind a mask. And Lucifer will talk about being behind a constipated angel mask, when he reveals himself to Dean and Sam.

Gif credit @winchcstr

Bonus – a visual narrative curiosity: when you rewatch the gym fight, you can see the soulless person choosing a yellow artefact, leaving the blue and green behind. We could read that as a metaphor for Lucifer choosing and trying to possess Sam, even though he’ll end up possessing Castiel instead.

The other masked person to pay attention to is the old man with a clown’s face. He represents Sam’s encounter with Lucifer and his fears and traumas connected to it (we know he hates clowns). 

To Conclude:

There were a lot of clues hinting at Lucifer’s come back and his potential possessions.

The axe represents Amara’s anger, and the recall of Dean’s dark bond with Crowley reminds us that all of this is wrong, and points us to the upcoming forced dominations over Dean. 

Hope you liked this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the first meta from season 11, here is the link: Vol. LXII

Buenos Aires, May 26th 2020 17:58 PM

Rant while I’m watching

This is all season 10 the end of 9 and the begninng of 11? I think. This is copied from a chat of mine so I’m not gonna deal with the times. Please just read around them.

WAIT![7:54 PM]BITCH NO YOU CAN"T KILL CAS BITCH FUCKING NO[7:55 PM]OH SHIT[7:55 PM]OH SHIT[7:55 PM]Dean just made allllllll the mirrors frost[7:55 PM]that's nnot fucking good[7:59 PM]CAS WATCHED STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Ok Sam has stopped pretending he's not scared of shit. You can clearly see the fear in his eyes now. And frankly it amazing.[11:14 PM]That sounds horrible[11:16 PM]but I'm more saying that more about Jared's acting skills.  ma dude.[11:20 PM]Sam[11:20 PM]Bro[11:21 PM]Dude[11:21 PM]nah[11:21 PM]nah Sam was complaining about Dean liking killing these vampires to much[11:24 PM]JODY IS A QUEEN AND SHE IS A GREAT MOM! TRY AND PROVE ME WRONG YOU WILL FAIL!  IS that a monster club?!?!?!?!?!?![11:27 PM]Could you settle for JB's? Was that a were shapeshifter battle?  My dude your as dead as your gf your gonna bleed out[11:29 PM]shush  MONSTER TURF WARS[11:50 PM]MONSTER MOFIEA[11:50 PM]I CAN"T FUCKING SPELL[11:52 PM]"Godfather with fangs."[11:52 PM]uh yea[11:55 PM]FUCKING SWEEDY TOD! Dean I know your bf is in a comanding roll and you think that's hot but please stop hitting on him[12:15 AM]Dam Dean.[12:15 AM]The King is back in town the king is back in town.[12:15 AM]THE King is BACK in town[12:21 AM]To the King and Queen of hell:[12:21 AM]Are we in heaven?[12:22 AM]You must be angels[12:22 AM]wow[12:24 AM]Crowley sold his soul for a longer dick[12:24 AM]pfft-[12:24 AM]I-[12:25 AM]I can't-[12:25 AM]I-[12:25 AM]OMG DUDE WHAT THE FUCK![12:25 AM]HAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!![12:26 AM]his son is so disaponted[12:30 AM]Dam Crowley's son got flame[12:30 AM]holy shit   Dean I swear to god you go all Lord of the Rings on this motherfucking blade I will pull a Tony Stark and take it way.[12:52 AM]Is this the Cas is a little girl episode?[12:55 AM]or not  I'm laughing at Metron's discribtion of Cas[12:59 AM]Dean shush[1:01 AM]Dean Cas are having a domistic[1:01 AM]and Sam's trying to medate[1:08 AM]We hate men like you[1:08 AM]He's your Leader's bf  who's a little off his rocker right now so shush[1:10 AM]Dean like the Fiddler on the roof[1:10 AM]It's canon[1:12 AM]Why is 6 afraid of 7?[1:12 AM]Cas: Prime number?????[1:12 AM]Sam: The fuck? that's like a 2nd grade riddle[1:13 AM]CAS KNOWS LOTRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![1:15 AM]SENSEBLE SHOES![1:16 AM][1:20 AM]Heaven: Your lame spring fling  Cas is dead[1:29 AM]Cas is sooooo[1:29 AM]Dead[1:30 AM]R I P[1:30 AM]Punish him[1:30 AM]Both Cas and Dean go WHAT?[1:31 AM]WHAT! OMG OMFG[1:32 AM]Pfft-[1:32 AM]Oop[1:32 AM]Rip Dean[1:34 AM]He's in love[1:34 AM]with "humanity"[1:35 AM]Thanos quoted Metatron  God Fucking dam it Dean  Dean will be glad to know that the Cubs finally win[2:12 AM]Fuck you died again Dean[2:14 AM]"you put on the flag of heaven..."[2:14 AM]Nah he put on the pan flag and then rekt y'all[2:17 AM]Dean's dead for what the 809th time?[2:17 AM]He'll be back[2:17 AM]Time will tell[2:18 AM]Sam he's fucking dead[2:18 AM]D E A D[2:18 AM]But he'll be back[2:19 AM]Chuck can't answer the phone right now[2:21 AM]ok ngl the blade doesn't really look real. It's looks like a prop[2:21 AM]Also[2:22 AM]WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK DEAN?![2:22 AM]HUH?[2:22 AM]YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA?[2:22 AM]NO[2:22 AM]NOT A GOOD FUCKING IDEA[2:22 AM]DUMB[2:23 AM]Ok the way they played the opening of season 10 boi that was good[2:23 AM]OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo[2:23 AM]New title card[2:24 AM]Ok so I saw this somewhere but[2:25 AM]Soulless Sam, Crazy Cas, and Demon Dean, (why the fuck are all these allterations?) all at the same time would have been a riot[2:26 AM]Cas has a cold[2:27 AM]Did I just get a read suggestion for Spn x male instert, twice in a row?[2:27 AM]YES! YES I DID![2:33 AM]THe look of relisation[2:35 AM]Cas drives like a grandma[2:36 AM]He got hannah carsick[2:36 AM]and now is also dying so[2:39 AM]Sam's gonna murder Crowley and Dean[2:39 AM]Slowly[2:39 AM]and painfully[2:40 AM]If Sam exrosised Dean? What would happen?[2:40 AM]Would he just drop his body?[2:41 AM]Or would he just straight up die?[2:44 AM]How do they keep the knives up their sleeves without stabbing themselves[2:49 AM]Dean your a fucking slut yes  Sam stays quiet.[1:15 PM]Gets punch[1:16 PM]grunts[1:16 PM]"Proof of life,"[1:17 PM]OMG[1:17 PM]OMG[1:18 PM]20 y/o Dean[1:18 PM]yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![1:18 PM]He looks so young[1:22 PM]Ignore me just skipping all the like odd sexual sences because either they're weird or I'm very embarressed by them[1:26 PM]cas is about to fall asleep behind the wheel and crash[1:31 PM]Cas is asleep on the couch  Words hurt[1:45 PM]YOU DON'T GET TO SAY SHIT  Hahahahahahahaha[1:55 PM]Omg[1:56 PM]Smoke bombb[1:56 PM]Sam has an asmatha attack[1:56 PM]Dean just looks at him[1:56 PM]like WEAK[1:57 PM]This is payback[1:57 PM]THis is dumb[1:58 PM]YES![1:58 PM]THE PRINCESS BRIDE![1:59 PM]just heals[1:59 PM]Sam just shows up and mauls him with holy water[2:03 PM]Where the fuck did you bring him Sam[2:03 PM]What is this?[2:03 PM]HAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAW[2:05 PM]Garilla man gorilla man[2:09 PM]It's DEPRESSION DEAN but he's more homosidal  You went to fa[2:37 PM]*You went to far[2:44 PM]The music is like the Skywalker theme[2:47 PM]Lets play a high stakes game of hide and seek in the bunker[2:52 PM]HERE'S DEAN![2:54 PM]You don't want to play hide and seek anymore?[2:55 PM]Heal by hug[2:55 PM]-Cas[2:56 PM]Lillo and Stich?[2:56 PM]No[2:56 PM]Ey! IT WORKED[2:56 PM]IT WORKED[2:56 PM]IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!![2:58 PM]Good plan Sam[3:01 PM]WEREWOLVES OF LONDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![3:01 PM]AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO![3:01 PM]AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO![3:05 PM]Bitcoin[3:06 PM]Obama[3:06 PM]the ice caps  Did I just skip a whole episode to avoid the cringe fuck yea[4:10 PM]The two of them with cougers is the funniest thing  Ask Jeeves?[4:21 PM]More like Knives out[4:25 PM]I'm lactose intolerant[4:25 PM]Sam nice[4:25 PM]nice[4:30 PM]These ladies.[4:30 PM]Complaining about dating this guy who's 'ugly' But has an island.(edited)[4:31 PM]but thristing over Sam.[4:31 PM]Who's like I live out of my car[4:31 PM]it's not even my car[4:32 PM]It's by brother's[4:37 PM]"Not to mention Homosexuals"[4:38 PM]Don't mind me just DYING![4:38 PM]omg[4:38 PM]THE FLANNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![4:45 PM]Dean shush[4:45 PM]your fine she's dead[4:50 PM]The snap of someone's neck sounds like a torilla chip  Cas what did you do to Jimmy?[5:14 PM]I'm sorry your kinda hot but I don't like you Hannah[5:15 PM]Hannah just dropped her vessel[5:15 PM]rip[5:22 PM]ok sometimes I feel like I care more about the car then they do  Crowley's mum?[5:30 PM]Crowley's mum[5:32 PM]The RETREAT[5:32 PM]HOW MUCH I hAVE HEARD ABOUT YOU![5:37 PM]THE 2 QUEENS![5:38 PM]Jodie's got hunting sense ON[5:38 PM]THE BOIS NO![5:38 PM]They all are gonna know y'all and blow y'all's covers no[5:40 PM]Jodie's about to comit murder[5:41 PM]dang  CAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![6:15 PM]YOUR VESSEL"S DAUGHTER"S IN TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![6:16 PM]Claire's about to murder your ass[6:17 PM]Lucifer popped your head[6:17 PM]Cas your not making this any better[6:19 PM]Yes he owns a tie[6:19 PM]No he's not gonna wear it right[6:21 PM]Missionary[6:23 PM]Claire's a vibe[6:24 PM]I'm vibing with Claire[6:27 PM]Ketchups a fruit[6:29 PM]Cas she stole your wallet[6:30 PM]EARTH GRAPHIC[6:30 PM][6:32 PM]Yes[6:32 PM]No[6:32 PM]You had to roast Sam like that[6:32 PM]Dean and you would vibe with this girl[6:32 PM]JUST VIBE![6:33 PM]IT"S A FRUIT[6:33 PM]Ask Sam[6:33 PM]dean and claire are on the same wave lenth[6:33 PM]ask sam[6:35 PM]yes[6:37 PM]You're offended over you worth in pigs?[6:39 PM]Rowna thought he was worth anything from 180-300 $[6:39 PM]and Crowley thinks he was worth any were from 300-500$[6:45 PM]He's a teddy bear and you would get along with his bf[6:47 PM]All three have been there done that[6:51 PM]Really love?[6:51 PM]I feel like that would be a stretch for y'all  Charlie's coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![7:53 PM]go get ketchup[7:53 PM]it's hell of a lot better  i like your sword char  Bad Charlie and Meh Dean is not a good combo[9:10 PM]CHARLIE JUST TOOK THE IMPALA![9:15 PM]Charlie broke his nose[9:15 PM]DAM![9:15 PM]USE THE FORSE![9:18 PM]Can we pleasse give charlie bad charlie's outfit?[9:18 PM]PLEASE?![9:18 PM]She looked so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Ok the impalas a bench seat[9:30 PM]there's a couple inches differance between the two[9:31 PM]I know from experance that my grandma and grandpa are only a little bit shorter than me but when I pratice driving by pulling out their car I feel crampted in the front seats.[9:32 PM]so either Sam's crampted the whole time[9:33 PM]or Dean has a little stretch to reach the petals[9:34 PM]Fuk dean just got taken too[9:35 PM]YO![9:35 PM]It's 13 y/o Dean[9:38 PM]Spit it out[9:39 PM]How have you lived this long?[9:39 PM]Huh'[9:39 PM]How are u 30?[9:39 PM]How are you alive?[9:44 PM]Doess teenage dean have the mark?[9:44 PM]I would think but?[9:45 PM]TOLD Y"ALL SAM GETSS SQUISHED[9:45 PM]Also Dean should not be driving he doesn't look legal  I’m watching you burn[10:03 PM]SHIT LITTLE SAMMY!!!!![10:04 PM]nvm[10:04 PM]You look amazing in a hoodie and nikes  Sam did you really use COBAIN as your name[10:16 PM]jesus dude  but they are listening to HOSTER!![10:36 PM]LIKE FUCK YEA[10:38 PM]Then they killed a guy  the impala has a crank[10:59 PM]i mean duh[10:59 PM]but  Charlie's not allowed to be dead[12:38 PM]she knew the rules and broke them  Dean's about to kill Sam but[12:45 PM]I'm laughing so hard  Don't mind me just refusing to watch 10 22 because Charlie died in 10 21 and I'm pissed[10:33 PM]like she knew the rules and broke them  I'm forcing myself to continue watching and Dean is getting pulled over[11:03 PM]I also just told him to be a lawful citzen even though you aren't[11:03 PM]and he's getting arsetted on non existent charges[11:04 PM]They found the id stash[11:04 PM]ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm[11:04 PM]dean used Freddy Mercury[11:04 PM]a known BI man as a cover[11:05 PM][11:07 PM]Sam has lured Crowley into a trap[11:07 PM]pfft[11:08 PM]Poor form even for you[11:08 PM]not my gun[11:09 PM]Petion to give Sam a hair tie[11:09 PM]Man bun that fucker man[11:10 PM]Dean's murdering a family and Sam's murdering Crowley[11:10 PM]What a world[11:11 PM]Die[11:13 PM]Bold words coming from you Sam[11:15 PM]Ginger whore[11:16 PM]Fucking Dean got captured by this fucking bitches[11:16 PM]you fucking dumbass[11:16 PM]both of you[11:17 PM]You can sorta see the camera in the relection of his eyes[11:18 PM]XXXXXDDDDDD[11:20 PM]I like that they stormed the bunker but no ones home because the ones who would be are DEAD![11:20 PM]and cas is where ever the fuck he is[11:22 PM]OH SHIT[11:23 PM]Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Beaten, why for Can't take much more (Here we go, here we go, here we go now) One, nothing wrong with me Two, nothing wrong with me Three, nothing wrong with me Four, nothing wrong with me One, something's got to give Two, something's got to give Three, something's got to give now Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Push me again This is the end (Here we go, here we go, here we go now) One, nothing wrong with me Two, nothing wrong with me Three, nothing wrong with me Four, nothing wrong with me One, something's got to give Two, something's got to give Three, something's got to give now Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Skin against skin, blood and bone You're all by yourself but you're not alone You wanted in and now you're here Driven by hate, consumed by fear Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor One, nothing wrong with me Two, nothing wrong with me Three, nothing wrong with me Four, nothing wrong with me One, something's got to give Two, something's got to give Three, something's got to give now Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Hey! Come! Hey! Come! Hey! Come! Hey! Come![11:24 PM]Don't burn the bloody photo I'm begging you[11:24 PM]Crappy taste my ass[11:25 PM]hes gay[11:26 PM]Dean's gonna raise holy hell on all because you burnt the pic of Mary[11:26 PM]Bringing holy hell on y'all[11:27 PM]Your dead buddy[11:27 PM]You killed Charlie and your gonna burn one of his only pics of his mom and Bobby[11:27 PM]Your fucking dead[11:28 PM]The man is covered in your family's blood and your mocking him about his sister's death[11:28 PM]not a good idea[11:29 PM]HOW MANY NIPPLES YOU GOT BOI?[11:29 PM]ttttttwo?[11:29 PM]Good   Head shot![11:30 PM]Dean[11:30 PM]Brother[11:30 PM]blood[11:31 PM]think[11:31 PM]Don't kill the boi[11:31 PM]please[11:31 PM]what the fuck[11:31 PM]-_-[11:32 PM]he was a human[11:34 PM]you're being a dick right now[11:34 PM]he just broke cas' arm[11:35 PM]DO NOT KILL YOUR BF![11:35 PM]HRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM[11:36 PM]wow you healed quik[11:37 PM]*quicke[11:37 PM]*quick[11:39 PM]I tend to read the summary of the up coming episodes and[11:40 PM]Shot interally from the inside of the impala[11:40 PM]Blah blah blah blah ghouls[11:42 PM]Sam hasn't completely fucked up a spell yet and Cas is an angel so[11:42 PM]you ain't either[11:43 PM]How about[11:43 PM]You give them the spell and they don't kill you[11:44 PM]I swear to god the fandom loves Baby more then they do

Sanctuary - Chapter 28

Warnings: none really

Tagging: @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @valkyrie-of-the-light, @thorsbathroomchicken, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y

The phone call comes in shortly before one pm; the SAT system easily tracing the number back to the Slainte pub.  At first she just blankly stares at the digits and the name on the screen, not having the energy or the patience to deal with whatever bullshit would greet her the moment she answers.  She's in a 'mood'. Rapidly switching from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs;  either dissolving into tears at the drop of a hat or frantically cleaning the room and organizing paper work and files on the lap top. Torn between wanting to curl up in bed and stay there for the entire day, and desperately wanting something...anything...to keep her mind occupied. She's nauseous. Dizzy. A pounding headache that sits at the base of her skull and above her eyes.

Stress. Always the same old, same old when her nerves are shot.  The same symptoms she suffers with for days when Tyler walks out of the house for a job.  Incessant worry accompanied by crippling fear and the deepest and darkest recesses of depression.  But at home she is able to beat it; focusing on the kids, concentrating on their needs, their laughter and their smiles and all of their hugs and their kisses making it all a bit easier to handle.

The SAT phone beeps. Indicating a text message.  Groaning loudly in protest, she throws off the comforter as she lays on her stomach in the middle of the bed, propping herself up on one elbow as she reaches out for the offending object.

You missed a call.  Nik's message reads. Everything okay?

Part of her wants to tell Nik to fuck off and leave her alone.  That it's partly her fault for getting her mixed up into this god awful shitty mess to begin with. Nik could have had her side in the whole thing; adamantly refusing to bring her into the fold, not allowing Yaz and Tyler to call the shots when it came to the Intel and now the tactical sides of things. But Nik had just thrown her under the bus; offering her up like some kind of sacrificial lamb. Acting as if there weren't other people that couldn't do the job. Other mercenaries looking for work. Who were much more experienced. Seasoned. Hardened. Instead of putting all her faith and trust into someone who had become nothing more than a housewife and stay at home mother.

The other part reminds Esme that Nik is her friend. Regardless of her history with Tyler. Nik was the one who'd initially brought her into the fold five and a half years ago; who'd brought her along when she'd gone to the little shack in the Australian outback to recruit Tyler for the Dhaka job.  In a way, it was all Nik's doing; had she not brought Esme aboard and had her tag along that day, this part of her life wouldn't even exist. There would be no Tyler.  No hobby farm in Colorado. No children. She would more than likely still be living the old existence; living out of suitcases as she travelled place to place. Lying. Conning. Getting people to trust her so she in turn could help destroy them.

Fell asleep, she types back.  If it's important, they'll call back.

She waits for the response. And in true Nik fashioned, it makes her want to hurl the phone across the room.

Get your head on straight, E. We don't have time for this.

Sighing heavily, she rolls over onto her back and stares up at the ceiling. One hand on her queasy, cramping stomach, the other holding the SAT down at her side. He's been gone for an hour; McCann had insisted on meeting forty five minutes from Belfast. Worried that there were too many eyes and ears within the city itself and that word would travel fast and the end result would be hell on earth.  He had a lot of enemies within the IRA. He knew too much. Deep and dark secrets that could bring down a lot of very powerful people. And his involvement with someone like Tyler would set off a lot of alarms.

She worries that it's more. Something far more devious. Dangerous.  He hasn't given them any reason to trust him. Right off the hop he'd fed them complete and utter bullshit regarding his New Zealand extraction; convincing them that his wife just nothing but a lowly, random shopkeeper when she'd actually been the reason he'd been hired in the first place. He hadn't gone after on a rescue mission; he'd been hired by the devil to take her straight back to hell.  A man in this thirties wooing and winning a seventeen year old girl that was essentially at his mercy. That alone is extremely troubling. And taking into account his ties to the IRA and possible lingering connections to them, it was easy to assume that his plan to get Tyler nearly an hour away from the safety net of Belfast is also some of ruse. To get him alone and vulnerable.  

Or to hit him where it really hurts and get her alone and vulnerable.

The nausea increases.  Eyes closing as she rubs her stomach in slow, smooth circles, struggling to keep a grip on the runaway emotions.  They normally weren't this bad. Usually she could easily talk herself out of the stress and the panic before they hit head on. But now it feels as if it's going way too quick. Too fast, too soon.  So much worry and anxiety that it makes her head spin and her chest ache.

Her SAT rings once more. The pub. Again.  Only this time she's able to get a grip, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and moving towards her laptop as it sits open on the table by the window.  Once she's within a foot it causes the system to come alive; the recording of the call beginning even before she presses talk.

****

“Hello?”

“Is this Meghan?”

She recognizes his voice.  Billy. The barkeep from the pub.

 “William,” she warmly greets, with the same flirtatious tone she'd used the night before when she'd dropped his full name for the first time. She'd noticed then how it seemed to get under his skin; in a good way.  That little smile that tugged at his lips,  the slight blush in her cheeks and the tips of her eyes, the way his eyes seemed to soften and sparkle.

It had been one the easiest marks of her career.  Most took a while to warm up to her.  Taking weeks to even months to soften up their hardened and weathered exteriors. But he'd been eager; ready to let someone in. And what better someone than an established, attractive, and seemingly available woman? One that would do anything...or perhaps even anyone...to get ahead in the world.

“I hope I didn't catch you in a bad spot. I was wondering if you had a little time to spare.”

“For you?” she leans back in her chair, a barefoot planted against the cool glass of the sliding door. A far cry from the evening before when she'd played the part in her business slacks and curve hugging blouse. Clad now in one of her her husband's tattered and frayed t-shirts and pair of baggy grey track pants with the Emery surfboard company name and logo down one leg; small blotches of bleach dotting the fabric in several places. No make up and her hair messy.  “For you I can make the time, William.”

A silent pause. And she smirks as she leans further back in the chair and places her second foot against the window, twirling a piece of hair around her index finger.

“I like that,” he says.  “The way you call me that.”

“Well that is you're name, isn't it?” she crosses one her legs over the thigh of the other, bouncing her heel up and down against the glass. “You are William, are you not?  That is what Billy is short for, I assume.”

“It is,” he confirms with a chuckle. “It's just that no one has called me that in a long time. Since my wife.”

“You're married?” she reaches over to snag the pen and spiral bound notebook off the table. It's full of random notes and doodles in various different colours of ink; her and Tyler both using it to hurriedly jot down names and numbers and any other bits and pieces of information, vital or not.  It's old school and shouldn't be necessary with the computer recording everything off the SAT, but technology isn't always fool proof.

“I was. We're divorced. Bad break up. She was shagging a mate of mine.”

“Well that's unfortunate,” she hurriedly flips to a fresh page of paper and places the book on her thigh. “Hard to believe anyone would cheat on someone like you. If you forgive me for being so bold, but you aren't exactly lacking in the looks department.  You're quite the head turner. In my humble opinion.”

“Well thank you,” he chuckles, and she can practically see the blush creeping into his cheeks and the tips of his ears. It's not entirely a lie; he is quite easy on the eyes.  And a much younger and single Esme would have considered..albeit briefly...crossing that line between business and personal.  “You're easy to look at yourself. Very easy to look at actually.”

“I take it this isn't a business call,” she muses.  

“Not entirely. It's a little bit of both. Business and pleasure.”

She smirks.  “And what kind of pleasure are we talking about? Because I don't usually get into that sort of thing with someone I barely know.”

“I was thinking dinner. And drinks. If you're free.”

“Well that depends.”

“On what?”

“If you tell me a little more about yourself.  I can't jump into anything with a stranger.  A young woman, alone in a foreign country, far from home. That wouldn't be smart would it? If I just blindly trusted you and took you up on the offer?”

“Well what is you want to know?”

“Well I think dinner and drinks calls for first and last names,” she says.  “You know mine. So...”

“It's Flynn. My last name,”

“William Flynn,” she repeats, as she jots it down. “That has a very nice ring to it. How old are you William Flynn?”

'How old are you?” he counters.

“I asked first. And isn't it always ladies first?”

“I suppose,” he chuckles.  “Twenty eight. And you.”

“Thirty,” she lies.

“I honestly thought much younger,” he admits, and she can't help but let it inflate her ego. And encourage her to continue with the little game. “You look good. For thirty. Very good, actually.  Do you have children?”

“No,” that lie actually hurts to tell it, and she tries to push the intense feeling of guilt to the back of her mind.  “I'm too focused on my career right now. You?”

“A son. He's three. Collin. Lives with his mom. In Dublin.”

She continues to scribble things down.  “That's sad,” she hopes it sounds sincere. “I hope you get to spend time with him. That's quite the trek down to Dublin.”

“Every second weekend. I'd like it to be more often but...” he sighs.  “...it is what it is.  So you're not married? But you still wear a ring?”

“I've had a hard time severing that last string. It's a bitter pill to swallow. When the man of your dreams pick his job over you. When your happily ever after doesn't exactly turn out that way.  He wasn't happy. As a husband. We were much happier before. Before things got too serious.”

“Well pardon me for saying this, but he's a goddamn fool. He has to be to choose work over the likes of you. So have you thought about it? My offer? Dinner and drinks?”

“I'm intrigued,” she admits.  “What's in this for me? Other than the handsome and charming company?”

“I have some information. About what you asked about last night. Michael McMann. About his wife and kids and whose involved and trying to stir up trouble. And I've got some names. Of other people you can contact. That are willing to talk.  People that are higher up than I am. With real connections.”

“Higher up in...”

“The IRA.”

She grins victoriously and in big letters at the top of the page, right under the name William Flynn, prints those three initials.  “You're involved with them? The IRA?”

“It's the family business. What I can tell you is that we're not involved in this. With the wife and kids. We hate the guy. He screwed us over. But we'd never do that. Especially to kids. Even we draw the line somewhere.  But whoever is doing this has pissed off a lot of people. Tempers are running high. We want to find out who it is and do something about it.”

“Like a turf war?”  she writes that down, accenting it with a big question mark.

“There's a lot of trouble brewing, that's for sure. We want nothing to do with this. The wife and the kids. And they're using us to draw attention away from themselves.”

“Any idea who it is?”

“No real proof. Just lots of rumours. I shouldn't be talking about all of this right now,” he gives a small chuckle. “What will we talk about dinner?”

“Oh I'm sure we can find things to talk about,” she assures him.

“Or things to do.”

“Now don't go putting all your eggs into one basket. I'm not that type girl.”

“I'm sorry, Meghan. I never meant anything by it. Forgive me for being too forward. I...”

“What time for dinner? Tonight is unfortunately not going to work for me. I have prior arrangements that can't be cancelled. But if you're free tomorrow, I can certainly clear my schedule.”

“Tomorrow would be wonderful. I know this is terribly bold of me, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. You've been on my mind constantly. Since you walked into the bar. You're very...intriguing. I can't quite get a read on you. There's something so different about you. Way different than any of the women from around here.  A mystery, almost. There's so much I'd like to find out.”

“Well if you play your cards right, maybe I'll let you find those things out,” she responds.  

“Tomorrow? Six thirty?”

“How about seven? It gives me longer to get ready.”

“Done,” he agrees. “Where do I pick you up?”

Shit, she hadn't even considered that this question would come up.   It has been smooth sailing; much easier and seamless than so many initial encounters.

“Meghan?”

“You know,  I'm not entirely comfortable with a stranger knowing where I'm staying. I'm a little paranoid about that sort of thing. You can never be too careful in this day and age. How about we meet somewhere? In public. I hate to be such a bother and a worry wart, but...”

“How about we meet her at the bar? We could go in the back room. It's private there. We can have dinner. A few drinks. See where the night takes us.”

She groans internally.   “Sounds like a plan,” she chirps. “I'm very much looking forward to seeing you again. To chatting more.  I'm flattered. That you thought of me.”

“I've been obsessed with you,” he admits.

“Well hopefully you hold onto some of that enthusiasm.  I have to go. I have an online meeting with my editor in a few, so...”

“I'm very much looking forward to tomorrow,” he says.  “And I'm flattered as well. That you'd agree to have dinner with me.”

“I'll see you tomorrow,” she promises.  “Seven.”

“Seven,” he confirms, and then offers a soft, quiet goodbye before hanging up the phone.

****

“Well this isn't how I expected things to go,” Mark says, smirking from the passenger's seat of the rented SUV. “You asking me for help.”

“It's the last thing I want to be doing, believe me.  You're the last person I want to be dealing with.  Ever.”

“So why am I here? What's got the legendary Tyler Rake swallowing his pride and actually asking someone for help? You're usually a one man show from what I've heard. Must be some serious shit if you're willing to suck it up and give someone a call. Especially me.”

Tyler sighs, eyes briefly closing as he pinches the bridge of his nose between the thumb and forefinger. “You're already making me regret this.  Could you maybe shut the fuck up for five seconds? I don't have the time or the tolerance to listen to your bullshit. I don't want to hear any comments about my marriage, no opinions on how I handle things with my wife, no stupid shit about my personal life or my kids or none of that. This is strictly business. So let's keep it that way, yeah?

“Fair enough,” Mark agrees. “So what's up? What's going on?”

“This McMann guy,” Tyler begins. “There's no way of knowing what he's really up to. If he's innocent in all of this or he's actually part of it. If he's the victim in all of this or if  this is some really crazy act of revenge and he's just wanting to get me alone.”

“I thought you didn't have history with this guy? With the IRA? Or with the wife?”

“I don't know. Well, not that I can remember anyway,” he confesses. “There's things...a lot of things ...that I don't remember. Dhaka...everything that happened on the bridge...it's fucked with my head. I'm not sure if it's because of blood loss or lack of oxygen or all the meds I've been on. But there's things I don't remember. No matter how hard I try to.  So maybe I did have history with them. Maybe I did have a job they were involved in and I pissed them off and I just don't remember it.”

“And when you didn't recognize McMann when he showed up in Telluride, he decided to play it for all it's worth,” Mark concludes.

“Maybe. I don't know. He seemed like he was on the up and up. About what's going on with his wife and his kids. But there's a couple times where he's said some things that didn't quite sit right. I brought up how if...when...things go to shit...he might not be able to get his kids out. Not both of them, anyway. He threw it back in my face. Asking me how I'd decide which of the twins to save.”

Mark scowls. “That's a bitch move.”

Tyler nods. “I told him there'd be no decision. That I'd give up my life for theirs. No hesitation. If it meant saving them and getting them back to their mother, that it was something I was willing to do. It would be easier on Esme. If she lost me instead of one of the kids. She'd get over me. But she'd never get over losing one of them. She's an amazing mum. And I'm lucky. To have her. That she's the mother of my kids.”

“It's what she always wanted. Kids. I just wasn't the man to give her that.”

“McMann wasn't on the same page as I was.  The idea seemed ridiculous to him. Having to make that kind of decision.  He wasn't...he isn't willing to sacrifice himself for them. I found it weird. That there'd be any hesitation whatsoever. How do you not want to save your kids? Your blood?  They're your legacy. Why would you not want to let them go on and live long and happy lives? It didn't sit well with me. I haven't been able to get it out of my head.”

“There's guys without kids that would make the same decision as you. I saw it overseas. In Iraq. You probably did too. Soldiers ready and willing to sacrifice themselves to save random kids...and women...from the Taliban.”

Tyler nods. “I've seen it a few times, actually. I've even known mercenaries that have given themselves up to save someone.”

“You almost did,” Mark points out.  “Even after things went to hell and there was no money, you still busted your ass to kid that get out. And Esme.”

“I wasn't going to leave them behind. No matter who wanted me to. And if it meant I died for them...” he shrugs.  “...it was what I was willing to do.”

Mark nods slowly, considering his words. The sincerity in his voice. In his eyes.

“Esme doesn't trust him,” Tyler says. “McMann. And she has great instincts. Better than mine sometimes. She didn't want me going into this alone. She's worried sick. That this could all be a trap and McMann's got an army of guys just waiting to ambush me. I need to give her peace of mind. And I promised her I'd come back safe.  That I'd come back to her.  She trusts you. I don't know why. Considering everything you did to her...” he holds up his hand; a plea for silence when the other man opens his mouth to speak. “....but she trusts you. You're the only one I could call. Yaz was made the same time I was. I can't be seen in public with Esme or she'd be made and that will fuck up her end of things. So I called you.”

“How do you know you can trust me?”

“Because you know I'd fuck you up if you crossed me.  You know I won't hesitate killing you.  And I don't think you want that, do you. You can act all big and bad, walk around wagging your mouth, try to get under my skin.  But you know the stories. All the bloody and gory details. You know what I'm capable of. And you know I won't mind adding you to the body count.”

A smirk tugs at the corners of Mark's mouth. Not nearly as confident as the ones he's given before.

“So this is me, asking you for help. Now are you in or you're out, mate? Because I don't have all day.”

Mark hesitates. Then offers a hand. An agreement. “I'm in.”

****

“William Robert Flynn,”  Yaz reads the information aloud from where he sits at the table in Esme and Tyler's room, his own laptop and ipad spread across the table.  “Born March 15th, 1997, right here in Belfast. Parents are Robert and Elizabeth Flynn. Nee McDonald.  Dad is deceased. 2011. Mother is still alive. Lives in England now. Remarried.”

“How did the father die?” Nik inquires, her image on the laptop screen. “Suspicious circumstances?”

“Coroner's report lists self inflicted gun shot wound to the head.”

“There's a police report,” Esme speaks up from across the table, her own computer in her lap, a plate of barely touched room service food in front of her. She'd been hungry and had taken it as a sign that the nausea was finally at bay. Until the first bite and attempted swallow had her running for the bathroom.  Her head pounds. Frantically. And she reaches for a bottle of water and the container of Advil in the middle of the table. “Says that William Flynn was the one who discovered his father. In the back garden. Face down in a pool of blood. Gun was lying next to him. A nine millimeter. Glock.  Spent shell casing near by.”

“He would have only been fourteen,” Yaz says. “Same age Ovi was in Dhaka. Hell of an age to walk into something like that. Your old man missing half his head.”

“Any evidence that says it may have not been a suicide?” Nik asks.

“The police reports are shit,” Esme replies, as she pops three of the tablets into her mouth and swallows them with a mouthful of water. “I've seen some pretty amateur ones, but this has to be one of the worst. Obviously the cops and the coroner didn't think this case mattered. He was an IRA member. Probably caused a world of trouble when he was around. They were just glad he was gone. Why waste the resources, they probably figured.”

“There was no gunshot residue on his hands,” Yaz says. “Or at least that's what the report says. And he's not wearing gloves in any of the photos, so...”

“It was a hit,” his sister concludes. “Before any of this, was there any connections between the IRA or the Buckmans? Anything that stands out? Anything that could tie Robert Flynn to the Buckmans?”

“Not that we've recovered so far,” Esme says. “But we're still digging.  Robert Flynn was pretty high up in the IRA. One of their best and longest serving members. A real enforcer. He didn't mind getting his hands dirty.  His son is an active member.  They have ties to the IRA going back to the grandfather and great grandfather. Not to mention several cousins and uncles still in the movement. It's the family business, apparently.”

“So William Flynn obviously knows Michael McMann,” Nik concludes. “And vice versa. Anything that shows a feud between them?”

“Nothing on paper,” Esme responds. “But he told me that everyone in the IRA is pissed as hell with McMann. For betraying them. And taking a lot of secrets and dirty shit with him when he left. And now they're even more pissed because McMann's out there saying that it's the IRA that scooped his wife and his kids. And they'd admit to that. The IRA would definitely claim responsibility. They've never denied ties to even some of their broader scale bullshit. So they'd admit to this.”

“We were wondering if maybe this is all a big ploy to make things blow up within the IRA,” Yaz speaks up. “To stir the pot enough that an outsider comes in and starts it all off. That maybe that's what Tyler is being used for. To kick it all off.  What better way for McMann to draw attention away from himself? Let Tyler cause the shit and then leave him hung out to dry.”

Esme sighs, briefly closing her eyes and laying a hand over her queasy stomach.

“Are you okay?” Nik inquires. “You look a little...off.”

“Just stress. This is all just so insane. It's so twisted and so fucked up and now Tyler's out there...alone...meeting with this guy. What if he has people with him? What if he's got a whole damn army behind him and Tyler's just walking into a huge trap? He's good. But he's not that good. He wouldn't stand a chance and you both know it.”

Yaz attempts a reassuring smile. “He'll be okay. He's smart. He knows what he's doing. Your man isn't stupid, that's for sure. Look what he handled in Dhaka. When he went into that apartment to extract Ovi.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, Yaz. I do. But there's a huge difference between street thugs in Dhaka and the IRA.  These people are extremely dangerous. Extremely dangerous. And they show no mercy.”

“And neither does Tyler,” he points out.  “If anyone can handle this, it's him.”

“He should never have went there alone,” Esme huffs. “It was dangerous. Foolish. Sending him in by himself.”

“We don't have anyone there to help,” Nik attempts to reason. “Resources are extremely thin. It's the three of you and that's it. And the rest of the team is out on other assignments or they're here helping keep an eye on things. He'll be fine,  Esme. He always is.”

“Oh really? Always? Because I seem to vividly remember him bleeding to death on the Sultana Kamal Bridge. Or are we just forgetting that that happened? Oh wait, it's because you two took off to get Ovi to safety and you left Tyler there to die. And you left me there to watch him die.”

“That isn't how it happened and you know it,” Nik seems hurt by the explanation. “We came back for you. For both of you.”

“Half a goddamn hour later! Thirty minutes I spent with my hand pressed to his neck, trying to keep him alive. While he bled out all over the fucking place. You weren't there. You weren't the one holding him there on the bridge. You weren't the one with blood on your hands. His blood. So I'm sorry if I'm not as appreciative for your help as you'd like me to be, Nik.”

“Okay....okay...” Yaz pleads for calm.  “....let's not rehash this. It's over five years ago.”

“Five years ago, five weeks ago, five days ago,” Esme snarls. “It still happened. And pretending it never did is bullshit. It's bullshit and it's completely disrespectful. To Tyler. To just push it aside like you've both been doing all these years. Acting like it was no big deal. You got him into that mess, Nik. You brought him into that bullshit and then you left him there.  You left both of us there. What would have happened had you not come back? He would have died there. And who the hell knows what would have happened to me once Asif realized he didn't totally finish the job. And let's not forget that you wanted Tyler and I to leave Ovi in the goddamn street. You wanted us to just throw the kid to the wolves.”

“I wanted the two of you out of there,” Nik argues. “I wanted you both safe. The kid held you back. Had you gotten rid of him, both you and Tyler would have made it out of there before everything blew up in our faces.”

“He was a kid! He was a kid and you wanted us to just leave him there! Jesus, Nik. Do you realize how that makes you sound? Like a bloody sociopath.”

Yaz sighs. “This solves nothing. You two going at each other like this. I know it's been a long time coming but...”

“You probably wanted him to leave me there too,” Esme says. “I'm actually surprised you didn't suggest it.  You knew what was going on. Between Tyler and I. And you hated it even then. You hated the idea of me in his life. Because it took him away from you.”

“That's not true. I was pissed off that the two of you were so goddamn reckless and foolish and you actually thought it was good idea to start fucking each other while on the job. You couldn't wait until it was all over? The two of you were that desperate and horny that you had to fuck each other on my time?”

“Enough,” Yaz snaps. “Both of you. This is bullshit. We're all in this together. It doesn't matter what happened back then. It was five and a half years ago. So they fucked each other. No one else gave a shit. No one else cared. Only one it bothered was you Nik.”

“Because she wasn't the one fucking him,” Esme pipes up. “Not anymore, anyway. All the more reason she probably wanted him to leave me in the street. Get me out of the way so she could climb back into his bed again.”

“It doesn't matter,” Yaz insists. “It wasn't going to happen. Once Tyler met you, that was it. It was over. And you...” he glares at his sister through the laptop screen.  “...they're together. It happened. They're married. They've got kids. Let it go already. Let him go.”

“I've had enough of this,” Nik fumes. “We'll pick this up again later. When certain people can actually stay focused on the job at hand. That seems to be a thing for you, Esme. You couldn't stay focused in Dhaka either.”

“Fuck you, Nik. Seriously. Fuck you. I don't need to be here. I'm not one of your employees. I'm helping you, remember?”

No response. Just a black screen signalling the other woman has already logged off.

Yaz sighs, shaking his head in disbelief.  “I know that that's been coming for five and a half years, but shit. Could you not have waited until after we discussed all of this? Was it really that important that you just had to get to it?”

“Don't you start, Yaz. You know everything I said is true. She left us there. On that bridge. While he was dying. While I was trying to keep him alive.”

“What were we supposed to do? We had to get Ovi out of there.”

“Oh I don't know. Maybe it would have been nice to help me get Tyler the fuck out of there. How about that?”

“There was no time. There were going to be more cops. Military even. We had to get Ovi out of there.”

“So to hell with the two people that busted their asses to get Ovi there in one piece right? To hell with the fact that your friend is lying there with a gunshot wound to his throat, bleeding out all over the place. Tyler wasn't useful anymore.  He did what you all needed him to do and it no longer matter what happened to him. And if I just so happened to get killed too, oh well. No big loss, right?”

“We came back. I told Nik we had to go back for you guys and...”

“Wait...wait...” she stares at him incredulously. “...you had to tell her to go back and get us?”

“She thought it was too dangerous. That the situation was still too hot.  She didn't want to ask anymore  lives. But I told her that I couldn't just leave you guys there. That if Asif found out that things weren't finished and he sent more people down there, neither of you would stand a chance. I told her I was going back in to get you guys. Whether she helped me or not.”

“So she was more than willing to leave us there. To leave Tyler there. After what he'd done to make sure he got Ovi there? To get both of us there? She was okay with just leaving him to die?”

“To be honest, we thought he'd be dead when we got back. We didn't expect him to be alive still. We all saw what happened. What were the chances that he'd actually survive that? That you would have actually been able to keep him alive?”

“I wasn't leaving him there. I wasn't letting him die. Do you know what that was like? To go through that? To try and convince someone not to just give up? When dying is much easier than the fight not to? I had my fingers in his goddamn throat, Yaz. I had to stick my fingers in his neck to try and block the artery. I can still feel it. How hot the blood was. I can still feel his pulse against my fingers. And I can still smell it. Like it was yesterday.  Do you have any idea what that was like?”

“No,” he shakes his head sadly. “And I'm sorry you have to remember all of that. That you had to go through it.”

“I didn't let him die on that bridge and I'm sure as hell not going to sit back and let him die here either. Maybe your sister was willing to let that happen, but I'm not.  His life means more than that. A hell of a lot more. He's not the same Tyler he was back then.  The one that had a death wish. He's my husband, Yaz. The father of my children.  And there is no way I'm letting anyone send him out there to die.”

“You're doing what you can. The intel. The tactical.  There's only so much you can do, Esme. Killing yourself isn't going to save him. Getting yourself killed trying to keep him alive solves nothing. Because if something happens to you, he'll put a gun in his mouth. Or he'll drink himself to death. He would not survive that. You know it, I know it.”

She sighs, a frown on her face as she runs a hand over her unsettled stomach.

“You look like shit,” Yaz observes.

“Well thanks. I'm so glad you pointed that out.”

“You're not...you know...”

She laughs. “You have something against saying the actual word? No. I'm not pregnant. We've been trying. But it hasn't happened yet. This is definitely stress. I know the difference. I've been through three pregnancies. I felt the same way with each of them. I knew right away that it wasn't stress and that I wasn't just sick.  This? This is not the like any of those three times. It's definitely stress. Worry. And I miss home. I miss my kids. I just want to go home and see them.”

“Soon,” he promises. “This will all be over soon.”

She gives a shaky, skeptical smile.  

She hopes he's right.