#but this was basically an experiment to see if i could do it
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Oh, oh, new event!! :D
Albedo + ACDKM hear me out (hope that isn’t too many letters :P)
you have summoned ALBEDO for the event . . .
A/N : i'm hearing u out, honey !! i hope we're on the same wavelength here . .
✦ㅤㅤA = aftercare (what he’s like after sex, what he needs from his partner)
regardless of if he can even walk or not, albedo is first to nudge you with a warm cloth. he gives it to you for you to use, to bathe down the two of you quickly and perfunctory. it won't be sufficient in the long run—you'll definitely need a bath tomorrow morning—, but it's all you'll need.
he's a cuddle-bug, too, always burying his face into your throat. it must be this position, too: he's not content till he's got his nose snug in the hollow of your skin, breaths kissing the empty expanse where, on his own neck, lies that golden star. for a man so aloof, he truly adores you, and he is so, so glad to have given himself up to you in such an intimate way. it is humanity, the way he laid beneath you; and it is beautiful. prepare yourself for nonsensical murmurings, your sweet albedo describing just this notion to you while you're falling asleep, content in your lovers arms, his soft breathing lulling you into slumber.
✦ㅤㅤC = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
really, albedo doesn't often cum in that super "noticeable" way. he's not often a creamer, and he's certainly not like the people in pornos. 'bedo cums in that way that'd leave anybody less experienced than you to wonder if he even came or not. (it's not like he fakes an orgasm, either; he's just so . . albedo, that anybody else would think he came—that he's just as aloof in orgasmic bliss as he is any other time.
he's not, by the way.) his cunt'd be puffier, slightly, pink-hue turned more ruddy-red, and his cock'd be left twitching n' throbbing. and his voice—he whimpers n' whines all the time, but he has this very particular whimper he only makes when he's cumming. it's a reedy, high-pitched thing, but it's so, so obvious to you. your possessive heart is satisfied knowing that you can pull orgasm out of orgasm out of your albedo, and nobody else he slept with could have ever came (hah) close.
✦ㅤㅤD = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of his)
that damned golden star across his throat—it's sensitive as hell, and he's got a smattering of somethings that glitter—these little stars etched across his skin—that make him shiver, each and every time. none of these "freckles" throughout his body are quite as sensitive as that one in place of the adam's apple, but it's so, so easy to key him up . . . kissing up between each lil' star and not so much as getting close to his throat . . it drives albedo crazy.
imagining the way you could brush your fingertips across the smattering on the backs of his hands, maybe fluttering up his forearms . . . really, what makes it such a dirty secret is that way you have pavlov'd him to get hard n' wet off nothing but an innocent touch. it gets really bad when other people—his coworkers, friends, even—will accidentally touch the freckles, and, while they're apologizing for touching him and he's dismissing it, he's warm between his thighs.
those busy festivals in mond are always your favorite 'cos of it. all the people—he's not a fan of them, of course, and neither are you—make it an impossible tease to poor 'bedo.
✦ㅤㅤK = kink (one or more of his kinks)
it's less-so that albedo is into more stuff than his peers, and more-so that he's up to try almost anything. he's the epitome of an experimentalist; and it can stem from his desire to learn about the limits of the human body, or his desire to give himself up wholly to you. introducing a new kink into the bedroom ends up being a one-time thing, more often than not; and it's not that it was bad, per se, but it was simply . . . not worth doing again. albedo sees no attempted kinks as a "fail," per se—he sees them as an experience he was glad to have, but one neither of you are keen on trying again.
anything goes, really.
but the kinks that stay? 'bedo has found himself to be particularly into bondage, in most any sense of the word. spreader bars (which are admittedly a favorite, the way he's always left so open for you . . . the way he can't so much as hide his pale, pink cunt), simple bondage to shibari, and even all the different types of restraints: rope, silk, metal, leather, even his own clothes. that, and good ol' fashioned praise. he gets told how brilliant he is everyday, but it never amounts to the way you praise him even as his smart brain melts and he goes sex-stupid.
✦ㅤㅤM = motivation (what turns him on and really gets him going)
it really depends, with him. he's not this insatiable thing; most times, he thinks with his proper head—not his cockhead. but, back to that dirty secret of his . . teasing touches, teasing looks, teasing words . . . anything teasing gets albedo going. he turns to you, each and everytime, with almost no shame, either. whether or not you satisfy him—play dumb, deny him, whatever—is up to you.
however, i'd like to add this: albedo definitely cannot help getting a lil' hot between the thighs if he ever sees you roll up your sleeves. it's a silly turn on, really, but—god, albedo has something for your forearms . . from the way veins run down the length of them to the way your hands are left so tantalizingly exposed (and don't get him started if you're wearing bracelets or a watch, too) . . it all sends that smart, smart brain going from thinking about alchemy to thinking about nothing but those same, strong arms wrapped around him, those same, strong hands playing with him, those same, strong fingers absolutely ruining him.
this is kinda irrelevant but also not but also i sorta kin albedo, so: ever since he's learned that tidbit of information about the color of your lips (supposedly) being the same that the head of your cock is, your nipples are . . well. it hasn't ever left my mind, and it certainly wouldn't leave his ┐(´ー｀)┌ when he's staring at your lips, he either wants a kiss . . or he's thinking about your cock.
he'll test whether or not that theory is truly fact or not .3.
27 APR. 2024, @rosedom, rosey .
#ㅤ✦【 EVENT 】#also i'm starting to realize my hcs in these things may not align with yk . what i actually write with them .#if so i apologize LOL#req anything fr these hcs r not end-be-all#anyway .#alphabet#sub genshin#genshin smut#sub albedo#albedo smut#dom reader
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Hellaurr
I had a very interesting dream plz I'm desperate for Minho to facefuck me so so so so rough plz I'm literally foaming in the mouth for his cum (desperate ass call for desperate measures 🤣🤣🤣)
(with lots of degrading plz)
Hehe if ur comfortable could you make it a male!reader? If not it's fine hehe just make it gn or fem, heheheheheheh tysm 🎉✨💅
I was so excited when this ask hit my inbox. Thank you @chuuchuu1224 for sending me my first ever request for a male!reader 😘
I thoroughly enjoyed writing this, and it was so fucking hot in my head, but now I’m about to post it I’m a little nervous. As much as I love writing from a guys perspective (usually skz member’s perspective with fem!reader), I’m not a guy. So I’m never going to truly know the experience. I hope I did ok 🫣
To my female readers: I really hope you give this a read because I’m pretty sure you’ll enjoy it if you generally enjoy my work. Minho face fucking is a need.
Lastly, degradation is a challenge for me (I’m a praise baby, but I love reading degradation). I’m sorry if it’s not degrading enough 😬.
CW basically everything in the ask 👆
‼️⚠️As always MDNI⚠️‼️
You watched Minho perform every single week at the local theatre. Saying he was your favourite dancer was an understatement. You were well and truly obsessed with him. Your eyes would be glued on his incredible physique from start to finish, not even noticing the other performers.
Minho was everything. Strong and controlled. Fluid and graceful. He had an expression of disdain one minute, a cute flirty glimmer in his eyes the next. And the way he rolled his hips whilst looking down at himself? Well, that always got you leaking, right there in the theatre.
Every week, you'd grow hard in your pants while sitting in the audience, hoping the person who sat next to you didn't see the boner your were sporting.
You'd think about him all the way home, and more often than not, you had to fuck into your hand before you even made it into the house. You always made sure to keep a packet of tissues in the glovebox of your car.
Tonight, Minho's performance had you hornier than usual, and you made an executive decision to go find the bathrooms to alleviate your situation, before anyone had a chance to see the state you were in.
"Y/n? That is your name, right?" A voice stopped you just as you were about to walk into the bathroom. Startled, and a little panicked, you turned to the person speaking to you.
Minho. Fuck. Your hands quickly tried to hide the bulge in your pants.
Minho's eyes followed your hands to your crotch. "hmph." he grunted and raised an eyebrow.
"Y-yes...that's me." you smiled sheepishly whilst dying inside.
----
"I've seen you here before, y/n." Minho said as he stripped the last of your clothes off your body. "Many times, in fact."
You were laying completely naked on a huge couch in a back room of the theatre. You gripped your cock as you watched Minho casually undress himself, tossing the garments to the floor. "Do you come to watch me?" he turned and smirked at you, before his eyes dropped to where you held yourself. “Tsk tsk. I didn’t say you could touch yourself now did I?”
You immediately released your cock, letting it lay against your lower abs, and swallowed hard in anticipation. What was Minho going to do to you?
“I see your pretty little face in the audience. Every. Single. Week.” He sauntered towards you and ran his hand up your leg, then your torso, causing you to tremble. “Watching me with that slutty mouth hung open.” He cupped your chin. “And you know what I wonder to myself every time I see you?”
Your eyes grew wide as they stared up at the man you’d admired from afar for so long.
“What that mouth would look like choking on my cock?”
You groaned and closed your eyes, your dick hardening even more.
“Hmm.” Minho stroked your cheek. “You like the idea of my cock rammed down your throat.” He forced your mouth open, shoving two fingers inside. You moaned again and sucked on his fingers, showing him what a good, obedient boy you could be.
He pulled his fingers out abruptly, dragging your saliva all over your chin.
Minho moved to grab your legs and pulled you further down the length of the couch, then climbed over you to straddle your chest. His magnificent dancer’s thighs pressed down on your chest, and his delicious, mouthwatering cock, was mere inches from your face.
“Beg me for it.” He said coldly, gripping his cock with one hand and a fistful of your hair in the other.
Your eyes started to water at the desperation you felt. You wanted him so bad you’d do anything to have him just use you. Use you for his pleasure and discard you when he was done. You’d thank him for it.
“Pl-please… Minho… need…your cock. Need your cum.” You whined.
Minho rubbed the head of his cock along your lower lip, swiping precum on it like it was lip gloss. You started to wriggle, you needed him to put it inside you now!
“Use me… please…I wanna be your cockslut.” You sobbed. Minho kept rubbing the tip of his cock along the edge of your mouth.
“Yeah? Want me to fuck you good? Destroy your throat, hmm?”
You nodded desperately.
“Okay. If you think you can take it. Open.” He demanded, and you complied instantly. “No touching yourself or me.”
He pushed his cock deep into your mouth and hissed as it passed over your tongue.
“That’s it.. take it down…Such a fucking slut. Yes. Open wider.” He pulled out halfway and thrust his hips to push himself in further.
You couldn’t breathe. He filled your mouth so good. He tasted like soap and sweat. His skin so velvety and smooth, and the way the veins felt along you tongue did things to your insides.
Minho fucked into your mouth furiously, hitting the back of your throat every single time. Your eyes watered and you hoped with everything you had that you didn’t gag.
“You’re taking this a little too well.” Grunted Minho. With the hand that was gripping your hair, he pushed the back of your head into the couch, and angled his hips to push his cock in until your lips were wrapped around the base. The tip squeezed past your throat, making you gag with a gurgling sound, and your face turn red.
“Finally choking on it properly now.” He slapped your cheek, and fucking you harder still.
You were pinned under his strong legs, unable to escape - not that you wanted to. Your legs started moving about, and your hips began to jutt against thin air. You wanted some friction, but your poor cock had to just lay there, swollen and neglected.
Your hand came up to rest on Minho’s thighs. That was a big mistake.
Minho paused, still lodged deep in your mouth. “What did I say, slut? Take your filthy hands off me.” He said through gritted teeth.
You whimpered around his cock as you removed your hands.
Minho sighed and looked up to the ceiling, before looking back down at your fucked out face. “What am I going to do with you?” He asked himself.
He pulled out of your mouth and climbed off you. Your eyes widened. “No… please! Minho… I can be good… I wanna be good… please… need you..”
Minho simply ignored you and moved around behind your head to drag you so your head was hanging off the edge of the couch arm. Then he disappeared momentarily, returning with a soft belt from a bath robe.
“Little boys that misbehave must be punished. Don’t you think?” He said tying your hands together, then moving back to wear your head hung.
“Open wide little cockslut.” He said in the most condescending tone you’d ever heard. Of course you obliged, opening as wide as you could.
You knew he wasn’t going to be gentle. His cock pushed past your tongue and deep into your throat, until he was all the way in. The more you struggled and the more you gagged, the harder his cock became, and the further down your throat he forced himself.
“This is what you wanted isn’t it? You wanted to choke on it.” He growled as your lips pressed against his pelvis. “I’m gonna be real nice and give you exactly what you want. I’m gonna make you fuckin’ choke.” His hand came to your throat and pressed around where his cock was stretching you open.
“Fuck…so tight…shit…fuck.” He hissed, slamming himself into you brutally.
You had no choice but to gladly take it.
“So fucking pathetic, with your leaking cock. Bet you’re gonna cum untouched… so desperate… so fucking pathetic.”
You whimpered, moaned, thrashed around as Minho held your head in place with his cock and his hands. “That’s it. Take it like the desperate little cockslut you are.”
Your neglected cock was well and truly leaking, tears were streaming from your eyes, and your mouth was dribbling messily. Yet you needed more.
You needed Minho’s cum. You wanted him to completely fucking ruin you. Just the thought of tasting his cum had you on the edge of your own orgasm, and your demise came when you opened your eyes to get the perfect view of Minho’s ass. Your cries were muffled as the coil inside you snapped and you felt ropes of your own cum land on your stomach as your orgasm hit you like a tsunami.
“So pathetic.” Grunted Minho when he saw you make a mess on yourself, then he was filling you up. “Drink it up… That’s it… Like a good little cockslut.” He panted as spurts of cum hit the back of your throat, then he pulled out to paint your face with the reminder of his seed.
“Fuck!” He growled throwing his head back as he allowed himself to calm down.
You tried to catch your breath whilst trying to desperately lick as much cum from around your face as possible. You didn’t want to waste a drop.
Minho began to redress, raking his eyes over you as he pulled his sweats up. You thought he was going to just leave you there, naked and used. If you were honest with yourself you were thrilled with that thought.
Unexpectedly, Minho knelt beside you with a towel, wiping you up and untying you.
Then he did something more unexpected.
He took you in a deep kiss.
asks are open
@channieandhisgoonsquad @noellllslut @itsseohannbin @weareapackofstrays @kangnina @3rachasdomesticbanana @palindrome969 @xxkissesforchanniexx @chuuchuu1224
#skz smut#lee minho smut#lee minho scenarios#lee know x reader#lee know x male reader#sorshas after dark ask box#sorshas fic
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Nezha headcanon(s) (angst and fluff) #4
⚠️ i want to clarify that this has a tad bit of romantic behavior, mentions of abusive behavior, death as well as SH. If you’re not comfortable with this, please scroll.⚠️
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•💮 fluff: Nezha is highly intelligent, having an IQ above average. He’s able to solve puzzles fairly easily and loves them to! He loved them so much that even the Jade Emperor customized a whole entire room as an escape room just for Nezha so he could at least do something fun in heaven.
•💮 fluff: Nezha used to call the Jade emperor “爷爷” (ye ye) or in private: “爹爹” (die die), due to Nezha not knowing his mortal grandfather, aswell that the Jade emperor is in theory his grandfather (Granddad and Grandson bonding)
•💮 angst: Nezha has audhd, but due to the fact that term didn’t exist back then (as in it wasn’t noticed as an actual disorder) people thought that Nezha was simply being a “man child”
•💮 angst: Nezha heavily dislikes DBK, due to the bull’s past implied abusive behavior towards Redson. Whenever Nezha visits the bull family he keeps an eye on dbk, especially when he’s around Redson.
•💮 Angst/Fluff: Nezha was the primary parental guardian of Redson due to Redson’s father being absent and PiF finding a way to save her beloved husband (neglecting her son in the process). This is why Redson kinda behaves like Nezha.
•💮 Angst: Nezha keeps his family photos, but crosses off Li Jing’s face. Because of their very toxic and overall negative history with eachother. Nezha does not see Li Jing as his dad nor apart of his family, and he would do anything to get away from Li Jing.
•💮 Fluff: Though Nezha and Sun Wukong in public seem to have tension between eachother, they actually have a stable and good friendship. The bitterness was all an act, and they both agreed to act as if they don’t really like eachother until someone notices their silly scheme.
•💮 Angst/fluff: Nezha really loves children and one day wants a family of his own, but due to the fact that he doesn’t have a spouse he’s not able to.
•💮 Fluff: Nezha, though cold and even short tempered is very empathetic. He knows exactly what to say to people and how to act around them. But because of that he’s able to swoon people fairly easily, being a good talker and even flirtatious at times. He’s a charming man basically with a high level of empathy.
•💮 Angst: Nezha sometimes play’s devil’s advocate whenever he knows something very important is on the line. Because of his empathy and ability to easily make someone vulnerable with his charm, he’s very much capable of manipulating someone without that person knowing. The reason for why is because of his god forsaken biological father, who’s probably also a master manipulator. But since Nezha’s dislike for his father he doesn’t chooses to take advantage of people.
•💮 Fluff: Nezha get’s easily flustered, and absolutely adores compliments. Though he doesn’t admit to it.
•💮 Fluff: Nezha only accepts PDA from the people who he’s comfortable with, if someone he doesn’t trust or doesn’t consider as a friend touches him he’ll simply smack away their hand or moves away from them. If they keep trying to break his boundaries, the next thing they know they’re on trail about if they’re going to heaven or hell.
•💮 Angst: Nezha has some coping mechanisms, due to his already well known childhood being a disaster and unhealthy. Since he wasn’t able to fully experience being a child, he in stressful and emotional situations where he’s more prone to a meltdown he’ll subconsciously act like how he acted as a child. Basically age regression. When he’s having a meltdown he most likely goes to his room and is more prone to harming himself.
•💮 Fluff: Nezha has a therapist, which is his teacher/father figure Taiyi Zhenren. Nezha is very fond of his teacher and in private calls him “dad” instead of “master/Shifu”. Nezha is slowly recovering from his past.
•💮 Nezha used to play tricks and or mind games on people, some of them are light hearted but some are complete torture. He once lead someone insane because of his tricks that led to that person commit suicide, after that Nezha promised to only use his tricks as punishments for the guilty.
•💮 Angst: Nezha personally does not like being pulled into fights, it’s especially heart breaking for him when he stumbles apon corpses of children that sadly lost their lives in conflicts. He buries them somewhere peaceful and hope that in the afterlife destiny would go easy on them.
(A/N): If I accidentally offended you on any way, I apologize.
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Dove Cameron’s Alchemical album is so fucking bat coded I feel like a conspiracy theorist.
(This went off the rails at one point, so WARNING: vague mentions of sexual assault and being drugged without consent)
First song: Lethal Woman.
Cass, all over, right? The bridge is “she walks like a saint, floats like an angel, sharp like a knife under the table”
c o m e o n
Second song: Still.
“Man on the screen, they only see whatever you want them to see” and “Supernova self-erasing, hourglass is always draining”
Could be either Tim or Bruce, but I lean toward Tim because of “how dare you, dare me to love you, if you jump I will too” because whenever Tim decides he loves someone, he’s the ride or die, ends of the earth type, even if they don’t even know who he is. A) how and why he became Robin in the first place, B) The Cloning Thing, C) an argument could be made for the Captain Boomerang thing (but now that I think of it, I think I’m mostly basing this off fanon oh well ontotgenextone).
Song Three: Breakfast.
I will admit out the gate that this one’s a reach, so I’m just going to leave Selina here.
Song Four: Sand.
For this I’m thinking Tim or Jason, for different reasons.
For Tim;
“I saw the end when we began, you couldn’t love the way I can, I tried to bargain with the stars, for more than half your heart but you have more pieces of me than the dessert has sand, and I have less pieces of you than I could hold in my hand” and “our love’s misaligned, ‘cause you’re on my mind every night, I stretch out the time, and now I know why.”
I’m just making it obvious I read the Red Robin run, aren’t I?
For Jason:
“What's worse, being wanted but not loved, or loved but not wanted? What's worse, hearing what you wanna hear, or hearing what's honest?” And “What hurts, is the one thing that you wanna do, is the one thing that you shouldn’t do”
Pre-death Jason, but like, right after the Garzonas thing.
Song five: White Glove.
Okay hear me out.
This is part one of the Dick Grayson saga; the persona he shows to the public. This is Richie Wayne. This is every honeypot mission he went on too young, every woman he’s had to seduce for information (it’s one hundred percent happened before don’t fight me) every source of sexual trauma (that one I’m ninety percent sure is canon) that keeps him up at night.
And this guy’s been a vigilante for over twenty years, he can absolutely recognize drugs by sight, smell, and how they feel when he’s too late to notice something slipped in his drink. He’s felt nearly every strain of fear toxin and every one of Ivy’s pollens. If anyone knows their drugs it’s pretty boy Richie Wayne and Robin.
Song six: God’s Game
This one I’m definitely taking some lines out of context, but for Jason, “Just a boy with a man's face, playin' God's game” is when he’s taking over Crime Alley, pit-mad and trigger happy. “I prepare with so much care, I was runnin', it was stunnin', I am desperate from delusions, not much of a solution, never knowin' what the truth is, oh, God” is when hid plans start to fall apart, when Bruce slits his throat with a batarang, when eventually the pit-madness eventually starts to wear off and he realizes what all he did to Tim, who was a child at the time, not to mention Robin.
He nearly became what the Joker was to him to the next Robin, and I feel like at some point that would occur to him.
Song seven: Boyfriend.
(…Admittedly, I don’t think this one has any grounding in canon and if it does, feel free to educate me.)
So, obviously I could mention Kate Kane at this point, but I know basically nothing about her, so instead I’m going to talk about Steph.
So Steph has definitely had some shitty experiences with guys, right? Like, her dad to begin with, but also the guy who got her pregnant (at like fourteen? Maybe I’m just sheltered, but I don’t think anything about that relationship was heathy—again, I haven’t read many of the comics, so correct me if I’m wrong), then Tim, which, I love him as a character, but didn’t he date her in the mask for like, months, and I have some vague recollections of some dickish things he said (i know i know i need to read more comics)—whatever. Men are shitty.
I have a scene in my head. Like, Steph’s in college, at a bar with friends or something, maybe it’s an under cover op, idk, and there’s this girl she’s been lowkey watching all night. She doesn’t quite know why, but she just keeps catching her eye, and okay, it’s not like she’s never questioned her sexuality, she knows Cass. There have been Extensive conversations with Babs on the subject.
Anyway, so at some point, there’s obviously some sort of argument between the girl and the guy she came with and the girl’s crying, and Steph just Can’t Handle That.
She goes up to her, comforts her, makes a new friend, listens to the whole story.
And at some point, she has the thought.
“I could be a better boyfriend than him.”
She doesn’t necessarily do anything about it that night, but now that she’s had the thought, it won’t leave her alone.
Yeah. So. Maybe I’ll write that story later.
Song eight (last song): FRAGILE THINGS.
Dick Grayson part two; So your mentor (dad) just died, leaving you an angry murder child, another one hanging on by a thread after losing eighty percent of his support system, a grieving butler (grandfather), and a mantle the size of the Most Dangerous City in America. Any direction you move is going to hurt someone, and one kid is more likely to snap and murder people than the other, and hey, if you have to be Batman anyway, might as well let your brilliant kid brother be Nightwing, right? Except, whoops, you forgot to mention that last part and now Timmy thinks you just replaced him without telling him and fuck you knew you were forgetting something and now there’s a goddamned imposter Bruce and—
“Love is like a house of fragile things, where hearts can be broken as easy as antiques, and now there’s glass all shattered at my feet, what we built together, you left in smithereens.”
Anyway. This got kind of incoherent (or maybe it was from the start?)
I accidentally added a poll at the bottom and can’t figure out how to remove it, so.
#batfam#batman#cassandra cain#tim drake#jason todd#dick grayson#stephanie brown headcanon#stephanie brown#damian not included bc he’s baby#dick has so much trauma that just never comes up what must his brain be like#is he on meds? he probably should be#actually all the bats should be but we all knew that#it was so tempting to put tim for breakfast for gender reasons but i think i’ll do that on ao3 instead#this is so long#im so tired#im sorry#is this was a shitpost is? nobody asked for this#i didn’t ask for this#also i maybe running a fever#im going to bed now
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The Point of No Return - Hongjoong x reader
I am in an angsty mood so here we go. This was born out of the need for angst but also Ateezchella so this is what happened.
Pairing: Hongjoong x reader
Summary: Hongjoong had invited you along with them to Coachella, not wanting you to miss out on this experience with them. However, things don't go to plan.
wc: 3k
AU: n/a
Genre: Angst, Hurt/no comfort
Nets: @newworldnet
warnings: Death, blood, kidnapping, disappearances, crying, descriptions of a dead body, it's basically just really depressing and sad. it's hurt/no comfort for a reason
You had followed the boys to Coachella for their performances, partially because your boyfriend wanted you to experience this with him and the rest of the members. You had watched their soundcheck, cheering as loud as you could in support of them, which left a smile on Hongjoong’s face. You thoroughly enjoyed the set list they chose for the festival, jumping along to every single song and sometimes attempting the choreography, making the boys try their hardest not to laugh. You weren’t exactly a dancer, so sometimes the moves ended up looking a little funny, but you were having fun and that’s all that matters.
Today was D-day, the boy’s first performance at Coachella, and the boys were a bundle of nerves, and so were you. There was nothing any of you could really do, except try and relax, and you were told by all the boys to go and enjoy the performances for the boys since they weren’t able to roam around before their set. You roamed around the festival grounds, enjoying the atmosphere and the vibes, and just soaking in the energy around you. You went to attend Sabrina Carpenter’s set, which was one of the few that day that you were excited to watch live. There had been a couple times you almost had the chance to see her live in concert, but then life or Ateez things had come up and blocked those plans.
Being that you were a part of the Ateez entourage, you normally wouldn’t have security, but Hongjoong was concerned about sasaengs and other dangers that could happen at the festival, and added you as a part of the security team’s list of people to protect. So you had two members of the team with you at all times, despite your insistence that you would be fine by yourself.
“Won’t the boys need you back with them soon?” You asked one of your bodyguards.
“We’re supposed to stay with you until you meet up with the staff before their set.” He informed you, the other nodding along in agreement.
“Well, I don’t really need both of you here, I’m only going to Sabrina’s set, and then I’m going to head over to the Sahara stage to wait for their set. Maybe one of you can head back then?” You suggested to them.
“We’re really not supposed to leave you with only one of us, Mr. Kim told us that we’re both supposed to stay with you until you meet with KQ staff.” The other bodyguard spoke up.
“But if I’m only going from one stage to the other, what could go wrong?” You said.
“If you’re sure you’ll only need one of us, then I’ll head back.” The second bodyguard told you.
“I’m sure. The boys will need you more than I will.” You told him, a tone of finality in your voice.
Watching the guard walk away, you turned to the remaining man, telling him that it was time to head over to the stage for Sabrina’s performance. He walked closely behind you as you made your way through the crowds, weaving through the groups of people, quickly navigating the festival grounds and arriving just in time to Sabrina’s set. You didn’t mind being farther back, it allowed you to have more space to move about, and room to breathe.
Singing along to every song she sang, you were having the time of your life. You had more than a couple people look over at you during the entire set, not that you cared. Though, there were more than a couple times that a couple different sets of people bumped into you, which you quickly shook off, not thinking anything of it except that people wanted to get closer to the stage and were not aware of anyone around them. You didn’t let some rude people ruin the fun and excitement of finally seeing Sabrina live.
Eventually the performance came to an end, and it was your time to head over to the Sahara stage, to find both one of the staff members that you were meeting up with, plus to get a spot for the boys’ performance late that night. You once again started weaving your way through the festival grounds, stopping for some food and a drink along the way. You waited in line with your guard right next to you, and after getting what you paid for, you headed over to the Sahara stage, ready to start the long wait till your boys’ set. Once you got close to the stage, you waved off the remaining bodyguard, telling him you could make it the short distance to the staff member by yourself, and he reluctantly left, heading back to where the rest of the security team was situated.
Time skip to the performance...
Hongjoong was having the time of his life on stage, soaking up the atmosphere around him, feeding on the energy coming from his members and the crowd, and knowing that his girlfriend was somewhere out there as well, cheering him and the others on just as she had the day prior. All too quickly did it end, and despite the mix up that was the failure of the boys to exit the stage the way they planned to, the rest of their performance couldn’t have gone better.
Arriving back at the backstage area for performers, they quickly took photos, before finding somewhere to sit down and just relax after the adrenaline rush that was their performance. The minutes ticked by, Hongjoong growing worried and impatient that you had yet to show up backstage. Had staff not done their job? Had they not made sure you were allowed back here? Should he send their manager out to grab you? He checked his phone, but you hadn’t sent him anything. Maybe your phone died? These questions swirled inside of his head, until the staff member they had assigned to meet you came rushing into the area, and over to the group's manager. Hongjoong got up, making his way over to the two, when he heard his manager exclaim to the staff member.
“What do you mean she never showed up?! Why didn’t you say something hours ago?!” The manager half yelled at the staff member, who started making excuses.
Hongjoong stopped in his tracks, the words constantly replaying over and over in his head. You had never shown up and made contact with the staff member? He knew your bodyguard came back, he saw the man return, but he had assumed that meant you had found the staff member who was supposed to be responsible for you during your time spent at their stage.
Seonghwa came up beside their captain, a worried look on his face. “What do you mean she never showed up? Where is she then?” He inquired, to which no one had answers for him.
Hongjoong stayed silent for a moment longer, before launching into action, moving to find the men responsible for your safety. He quickly found the two men, barking out at them, “What the fuck were you doing? No one can find my girlfriend, the woman you were supposed to be protecting?!” He yelled at them, throwing any pretense of being calm right out the window.
The guard who he had seen return started talking first. “I escorted her to the stage, and once we were there, she convinced me that she could find the staff member on her own, and so I returned here.” He told Hongjoong.
“You should have stayed with her until she made contact with our staff. Now she’s missing and it might be your fucking fault!” He yelled, getting close to the security guard until San and Jongho pulled him away, the entire group having followed their captain on his warpath.
“I didn’t think she could have gotten into danger in the couple hundred feet it would have taken her to get to the staff member.” The guard justified his actions, and indirectly, your choices to tell the guard to leave.
“Well you made a wrong decision. Now get out there and go look for her, you assholes!” He screamed at them, the two quickly leaving with the rest of the security team to scour the grounds for you, or any hints as to where you’ve gone.
The members convinced Hongjoong to go back to where they had been, and wait for news. Hongjoong couldn't sit still, pacing back and forth until he heard that they had found you. He wouldn’t be able to handle anything less than you showing up in front of him. He couldn’t bear the thought of them not finding you, of never seeing you again.
A security team member came jogging in, trying to catch his breath once he stopped. He raised a hand, and Hongjoong immediately knew it was your phone. He’d recognize that case anywhere, he hand painted it for you after all. Sunflowers, the flower you reminded him of. The reality of the situation started kicking in at that moment, and he knew that you wouldn’t have just left your phone hanging around. There was no way you would have, you protected your phone like it held the codes for nuclear bombs.
He fell to his knees, knowing something had gone horribly wrong, and he felt responsible for it all, seeing as he was the one who pushed for you to go out and enjoy the festival. He should have kept you here with them, shouldn’t have let you out of their, out of his sight. If he had kept you here with them, it wouldn’t be like this right now, you would be safe here with them, not out there alone, or worse.
Yunho moved to take the phone from the security team member, using the code they all knew to open it. Finding that once he did, the notes app was left open, and as he read the text on the screen, he felt his stomach drop.
‘She doesn’t deserve you. No one deserves you. You’re too good for her. It’s okay, you’ll be better off without her. Atiny will make sure she stays far away from you. You don’t need to worry about her. She’ll be an eternal attendee of Coachella.’
Mingi looked at the text from over his friend's shoulder, and could help but let out a sob. This alerted the others that something was wrong.
“Yunho. Mingi. What’s going on?” Seonghwa questioned, and Yunho could only shake his head before he turned the phone towards Seonghwa, who quickly read what was on the screen, tears falling from his eyes as his hand came to cover his mouth.
Hongjoong, coming back to the present, quickly stood up, losing his balance and Jongho rushed to steady him, before he shrugged off the maknae’s help.
“What’s going on?” He asked, looking between the three men.
“Hongjoong, I don’t think you should know.” Seonghwa tried to persuade his best friend.
“I need to know. Show me now!” Hongjoong said, before just snatching your phone from Yunho’s hand, looking down at the text on his lover’s phone. His face paled as he read further, the phone eventually dropping from his hand, dropping right down to the ground. Yeosang rushed to pick it up, finding that the screen had been shattered, the text on the screen still readable, though the fairy-like man couldn’t find it in himself to read it, not after seeing his friend’s reactions to what was contained on the phone.
Hongjoong himself collapsed, his body falling to the ground not long after your phone did. Where were you? He couldn’t believe that their fans, no they weren’t fans, not if they did something to you. They could never be fans if these were the actions they decided to take, that they felt he was too good for you. He was in a state of shock, he couldn’t process anything going on outside of the thoughts in his own head.
Thankfully Seonghwa stepped in, ordering the security team and their staff to go searching the grounds, making sure they knew to cover every single piece of the festival, and they all set out. Yunho and the others were already huddling around Hongjoong, trying their best to comfort the man, their friend whose girlfriend is currently missing and more than likely, in danger. From those who claim to be their own fans.
None of the boys have any sense of time, seconds feel like minutes and minutes feel like hours, until the sound of an incoming call comes from one of their phones. It’s Seonghwa’s phone that’s ringing and he answers it, hoping for good news. As the other boys watched him step away and listen to what the person on the other side was saying, they saw him freeze before he dropped to the ground as his hand holding the phone fell into his lap.
Yeosang and Wooyoung hurry over to their hyung’s side, Yeosang hugging the older man while Wooyoung took the phone, pulling it up to his ear to find out what happened, interrogating the person on the phone. Soon he fell into the same state as Seonghwa, sobs bursting out of his mouth as tears flowed down his cheeks, his head shaking as he repeatedly denied the knowledge he had just gained. This signaled to the others that whatever news their staff had, wasn’t good.
“Seonghwa-hyung, talk to me. What did they say?” Yeosang tried to get his friend to talk, but his friend wouldn’t say a word.
“They found her.” Wooyoung whispered, everyone turning to him, the silence so loud you could hear a pin drop, despite the roaring of the crowds not too far away.
“And?” Mingi asked, daring to hope that they would get some good news tonight.
“She’s dead. They killed her. She’s gone.” Seonghwa managed to get out, before he doubled over, unable to say anymore.
‘She’s dead. She’s dead. She’s dead.’ Those two words echoed in Hongjoong’s mind, and he wouldn’t, he couldn’t let himself believe that. You couldn’t be dead, he saw you only hours ago. There’s no way they would have killed you. Why would anyone want to hurt you? He stared down at his hands as they sat in his lap, feeling as if he just believed you were alive and this was all a big joke, it would become true.
“They want one of us to come confirm it’s her. They’re sending a member of the security team to come take one of us to her.” Yeosang spoke up, having just hung up the call with whoever had informed them of this news.
Silence reigned over them for a couple minutes, until Hongjoong spoke up. “I need to see her. She can’t be dead. She just can’t be.”
“I don’t know if that’s wise Hongjoong-hyung.” Yunho said to the older man, “I think it’s probably best if one of us goes to do that. You don’t want to have your last memory of her like this.” He told his friend.
“She’s not dead, she’s just fine. I’ll see her and we can get her some help and she’ll be okay.” Their captain continued, deep in denial.
The rest of the group looked at him with pity in their eyes, they knew he wouldn’t believe that you were gone until he saw it for himself, but they didn’t want to see him destroy himself once he realized the truth. They knew exactly how much their friend cared for you, and this would destroy him. He was planning to propose to you next weekend, after they finished their performance. And now he’d never get the chance to.
Finally the members of the team arrived to lead whoever wanted to take the burden of confirming that the body was in fact you. What they arrived at, was the boys on the ground and cries and sniffles coming from those who realized it was time to go see you. Seonghwa stood up, assuming the responsibility, though Jongho joined him, and soon it became the entirety of Ateez, surrounding Hongjoong at the center of them all. He had insisted on going, and none of them could tell him no.
They made the trek over to the spot where those people had left you, and sadly, it wasn’t far from where the backstage area was. It was a deserted area, where very few people would stumble upon, leaving the perfect place for those demented people to take you.
San was the first to see you, where you laid on the grass, with so many people surrounding you. His steps faltered, and that caught their attention until they saw where San was looking, and gasps and cries came from the group as they processed that it was really you. That you really were gone, that your lifeless body laid there on the grass, almost as if you were just taking a nap instead. Hongjoong scrambled over to you, everyone moving out of his way to allow the idol passage.
He fell to the ground next to you, a shaky hand reaching out and touching your face, flinching away at how cold you felt. This was when it all started to kick in for him, that you were really gone, that he’d never get to see you smile again, never get to kiss you, never get to hear your voice call his name.
“You can’t be gone, you can’t leave me like this. We were supposed to spend our lives together!! You have to come back! Please, just come back to me.” Hongjoong cried out, leaning over your body, the shirt you were wearing was his, he picked this outfit out for you this morning. God, that was the last time he saw you alive. He’d never get to wake up next to you in the mornings, never get to go on another date with you. Never get to see you walk down the aisle towards him wearing a wedding dress and saying yes to being with him for the rest of your lives. It wasn’t supposed to end this way.
The rest of Ateez gathered around Hongjoong and you, both mourning your passing and trying to be there to support their captain, their friend. You were a special part in all of their lives, how were they supposed to move on from this?
If you wanna see a beautifully written continuation to this fic, check out this fic by @vent-stink, which I consider a very canonical ending to how Hongjoong would react after all of this.
Taglist: @bethelighthalazia
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Hello. I’m an English reader of One Piece, and confidently know *nothing* about the Japanese language (atleast how to read it). I own all 4 box sets that are currently officially available in English. I was wondering, considering your expertise, is the VIZ translation good (in terms of how reliable it is in accuracy)? Does it convey what it needs to? If not, do you think any scans you’ve read are better compared to the official? Curious what you think as a translator. Thanks!
i think that these days the viz translation is basically fine. it conveys what it needs to. often there's little quibbles i have with it, like little differences in how i might personally have phrased things, but i certainly don't think i could do better at translating whole chapters of manga on a week-to-week basis.
my new chapter reading process now that i'm properly caught up again starts with reading the raws in japanese, and then i skim both the unofficial scans from tcb and the official release from viz when they each come out to see what choices they made. doing this, i do see more mistakes in the unofficial scans than in the official viz translation. and that makes sense! the people who do the official viz translation are professionals who are being paid for their work and they have more time to do it.
like, just for one low-stakes recent example i noticed, in chapter 1112, the unofficial scans (left) messed up this panel by attributing both of the lines on the left to vegapunk, when in fact the second one should be spoken by pythagoras (something made clear in japanese by his distinctively polite speech pattern), a mistake which was corrected in the official (right).
and i'm not saying this to insult the scanlators, by any means! it's something i've wanted to get into myself, and they provide a really cool and valuable service largely for free as volunteers. i love scanlators. but if you are wanting the most accurate experience of the current manga as an english-speaker, the official is probably still your best bet.
however, from what i've seen (bearing in mind that my actual experience with the official translation is pretty limited, i mostly only look at it when people ask me questions or i have a specific curiosity) i do think the official translation has a lot more problems in the older arcs, roughly from east blue through, like, skypiea?
i've seen or been asked about a pretty substantial number of mistranslated lines and questionable choices from that stretch of the manga. for just one example, there's this one from drum i posted about a couple months ago, where a line that's quite thematically important to the series as a whole got cut up because of the translation's former unwillingness to use the word 'god' (also very visible and annoying in skypiea).
the anime for those arcs does use, from what i've seen, a better translation than the official manga. however, i personally don't know of any better manga retranslations of the early arcs (it's something i've actually considered trying to attempt myself, if i ever have the time for a project of that scale). if any of you have any to recommend, please let me know!
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Appalachian Trailer Park!Sihtric - dating (SFW)
AN: This was supposed to be headcanons but now it's just turned into ramblings oops. This is not necessarily meant to be a universal Appalachian experience portrayal, but it is basically very close to mine and most people I grew up with. 😅
Masterlist here!
CW: Some sad moments, character death, AFAB!reader, talks of murder, talks of violence, blood a little, FLUFF (like tooth rotting kinda vibes)
Pairings: Sihtric Kjartansson x You
Word count: I'm guessing between 1 and 1.5k but I'm not real sure 😬 I kinda went crazy I will admit
You had lived in the same trailer park in the foothills of Appalachia your entire life. Despite anything that might lead someone to believe different, you liked it here. True, part of you longed for more. But how could one find more when their heart belonged to the mountains?
And maybe the cute guy who lived in the trailer across from yours had part of the reason to do that.
See, Sihtric moved in with his grandma, across from you, when you were both just entering high school. Your momma found out that Miss Ethel's daughter had been killed by her husband, and she had to take in her grandson because of it.
Miss Ethel was a lovely woman. She always volunteered to watch everyone's kids, during the summer she'd help provide the lemonade and the jar for catching lightning bugs. If anyone needed anything, from a cup of sugar to knowledge on hiding a body, Miss Ethel was there.
So, your little community welcomed the boy without a doubt. He didn't really cause any trouble, for the most part. Mostly just cussing in front of the little ones without thinking or throwing something in a fit of anger and making a loud noise.
Surely, wasn't a punishable crime.
Though it helped that you, the girl who helped tutor anyone who asked and baked cookies for the miners to have after their shifts, was sweet on him.
And boy, was he sweet on you.
He was working on his dirt bike in the driveway and you stepped onto your porch. Immediately, he fumbled around and dropped his wrench and cussed like a sailor.
Your cheeks heated up and you would debate to yourself on whether to go back inside or pretend like he wasn't there.
But your eyes connected. You waved. He waved. And it was the easiest thing in the world.
You started dating that same night, after he offered to teach you about his dirt bike and it ended with him kissing you.
Despite the doubts, you and Sihtric stayed together through it all.
Every year in high school began and ended with you walking through doors of the school hand in hand.
You both graduated, though him only by a thread.
He was there as you started college two towns over, close enough to commute daily so were still together.
You watched as he started working for the local garage.
When you were both twenty, Miss Ethel passed.
It felt sudden, especially for Sihtric, but you found out she had been sick for a while and just hid it from everyone. Including her grandson.
If anyone asked him, you were his rock.
You explained the situation to your college professors, and if you could make sure to keep up with your assignments according to the syllabus, they would find a way to make it work.
So you all but moved in with him officially in the weeks following. You had originally planned on waiting until you got your degree.
But you felt the need to take care of him. And at first he was just angry, angry at everything and the world and the gods and even God who he didn't believe in. He was going to work and coming home and going straight to bed. He wasn't eating, wasn't talking to you.
So, like any good girlfriend, you told him either he let you help him or you would beat him with a broom.
For the first time in weeks he laughed. You started staying with him that night and you just never left.
Before you knew it, you had graduated college, gotten a job in your field, and Sihtric was being poised to take over as shop foreman in the next few years.
And yet, you stayed where you were.
The trailer was nice. It would be fine until you got enough money saved up to buy a house big enough for the brood that Sihtric seemed to want.
For now? For now you had everything you needed. Sure the windows leaked sometimes if the rain rolled down the metal wrong way. Sure, Sihtric would sometimes have to spend a few days working on something else that broke.
But you had him. And that was enough.
The weeks may have been dedicated to work, but the weekends were for you.
Yes, you both always went to bed together. You always were affectionate (the man was a hugging machine after all).
But Saturdays he would wake you up by running a bubble bath for the both of you, using your favorite scent.
Then you would go get breakfast, usually going to Tudor's Biscuit World so he could get a bacon egg and cheese biscuit bigger than your face. You would get, as you called it, a deconstructed pot pie that you joked with him you would leave him for. He would tell you that would give him more money to work on his car.
But he would get you a pot pie at least once a week just because it made you smile. And you would get in the way help him at the fourteen million car parts stores he would go to just because you loved seeing him do what he loved.
Sometimes you'd go to the mall. It was slowly dying, all the family friendly fun stores quickly leaving. But there were still some good parts.
Like Rural King where you could get free popcorn and look at turkeys, chickens, and rabbits (plus any dog that people brought with them).
You would inevitably get sad when you were reminded you couldn't bring home the animals. Like, tears in your eyes, heart aching sad because you just wanted them to have a home.
Which would be forgotten, until you came back at least, when Sihtric promised you he would buy you a milkshake and a stuffed animal or a book of your choice.
Sihtric watched as you practically skipped to the bookstore. You spent an hour there, talking about books you wanted to read but couldn't buy because you couldn't buy the whole series and you were not doing that to yourself right now.
So, after getting your milkshake, you would go find a stuffed animal that spoke to your soul.
He would carry around the contenders for you, because it was those specific ones that spoke to you and you couldn't risk putting them back until you were certain.
And when, inevitably, you came to two that you couldn't pick between, he would tell you get both.
He spoiled you, truly.
Sometimes you would go to a local bar. Not because you personally drank, but mostly because watching drunk people do karaoke tickled something inside your brain.
It also meant Sihtric would wear his white tank top, which showed off his arms in the perfect way. And maybe you would be jealous over the way women looked at him. But how could you be when his arms were wrapped around you all night.
The man was not at all subtle about showing you off.
And if a drunken idiot got too bold with his words about you, Sihtric would suddenly be in protective mode. His voice firm and commanding when he gave the warning to the idiot, making your face a little hot (which you swore had everything to do with embarrassment and definitely not how his voice affected you).
If that wasn't enough to deter someone, and they dared touch you, that was it.
See the only reason you and Sihtric had not been banned from this bar was because Sihtric played just inside the rules.
No fighting in the bar. Fine. Sihtric wouldn't.
He would just gently move away from you before grabbing whoever touched you and throwing them out the door and into the dirt.
He would spend a few minutes wailing on the idiot, getting hit a time or two himself since he had had a few drinks.
But he would come back, knuckles busted, some blood on his shirt or spattered along his face, a bloody lip.
He would settle back in his spot as a waitress brought y'all an ice bucket and the first aid kit (which they regularly replenished now because of Sihtric).
You would get him just cleaned up enough, his hands in the ice for a few minutes at best, when he declared he was done and tired and just wanted to be with you.
So you would drive home, with a tipsy Sihtric singing loudly whatever love song played on the radio cause you would need further proof of his love.
You would settle into bed, being held close to him as you read to him until he fell asleep, and you followed him soon after.
Sundays would depend on you.
Sihtric practiced Norse paganism. You parents were very active in their Methodist church. It caused some conflict, especially when Sihtric started talking about your future children.
If you wanted to go to church with them, Sihtric would kiss you before you left to go and be in the parking lot to pick you up afterwards. There would always be flowers waiting for you. Sometimes it would be dandelions, as you insisted they were beautiful even if they were weeds, sometimes butter cups, and sometimes you got lucky and he had seen tiger lilies.
He would smile at you and kiss you while he handed them to you, ask if the service was good, and then take you somewhere to get lunch.
If you didn't really partake in their church, you both would stay in bed until noon. When you would wake up, you'd crawl out of bed and cooked some breakfast foods that would wake Sihtric up. He would sleepily stumble in the kitchen, grabbing the coffee you set out for him.
Sunday was a lazy day. You guys lounged around the house. Sometimes you both would play video games, sometimes you would watch a show.
There were times when Sihtric's friends from work, Uhtred, Finan, and Osferth, would come over on Sundays. You liked those guys a lot, if you were honest. They were all respectful of you, and kind, and Osferth cleaned up after them so you wouldn't have to. And mostly, they made Sihtric happy.
Sihtric and you would walk over to your parents' for Sunday dinner around 5pm.
Despite the differences in beliefs, and the way your dad not so subtly didn't really like him, Sihtric was respectful and kind to them.
He was the one who insisted you come, telling you he would give anything to have dinner with his family one more time, even if he didn't remember his dad fondly. Family was important to him, even if yours didn't like him, and he wanted you to have that
He would stay quiet, even taking his hat off when your dad would say grace.
He would make polite conversation, always eagerly bragging about you whenever he got the chance.
Sihtric would compliment your momma's cooking. She liked him, but since your dad didn't she tried to act like she didn't.
But she always managed to get him a little extra food to take home, would put his favorite cobbler in the dessert rotation, and make sure his favorite drink was always somewhere to be found.
Your dad was polite. That was about all he could manage. And that was fine, according to Sihtric, because he knew your dad couldn't bitch him out for making you happy.
Sunday nights would end back in your home. You would listen to his talkings of your life together. The promises he made.
He insisted once he became foreman, he would buy you a big house with a dishwasher and enough room for all the animals you could ask for.
You two would be able to have a family of your own, ideally with four children or more, and he would give you everything.
You assured him you knew he would keep the promises he made you. But you always thought to yourself how you would be perfectly content with him, here, forever.
You had a roof over your head, food in your kitchen, electricity and water on demand, and a whole lotta love. You had Sihtric.
It was a simple life. But it was yours.
Side note I could not find the original source of this picture if someone knows please let me know.
Taglist: @foxyanon
#sihtric x you#sihtric kjartansson#appalachian life#appalachian sihtric#the last kingdom#headcanon#fic
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Hey i read ur gray dying hcs. Can you make some for jamie too?? Thanks!!
(and maybe avery could be after)
people's reaction to jameson's death head canons
avery: she would be absolutely destroyed. she would not get out of bed and seriously consider offing herself (its up to you if she actually does off herself). it would get so bad alisa and the others would have to intervene and get her professional help. she would only get out of bed to visit his grave. i also hc that he'd have a pre-written letter for her if he ever died that he gave to alisa (he told her to give it to avery when he died). she would reread that letter over and over again until her eyes became blurred with tears. she'd also get really mad at the world for ripping all of the people she loves away from her. she'd stop working, eating, drinking, showering, etc. basically, she'd be so wrecked she wouldn't be able to handle anything.
grayson: he'd try to keep everyone together but would fail miserably bc he's also falling apart at the seams. he'd work to try to distract himself but nothing ever took jamie's death off of his mind. he'd visit his grave everyday regretting everything that happened with emily bc of what it did to his relationship with jamie. i think he'd also find a way to blame himself. he'd apologize to jamie every single time he visited his grave for not being the best brother. he'd end up hiring someone to do his work for him bc he just wouldn't be able to do it. yk what emily's death did to him but this would be 1391938 times worse. he'd be crying 24/7 and he'd also wonder if life was worth living (like avery). he would think he deserved to die instead of jamie.
xander: basically the same thing i put in my 'how would people react if grayson died post'. he'd crack is usual jokes in hopes of getting people to laugh and loosen up all while dying on the inside. he'd occasionally slip up and forget jamie was still alive. he'd be working on smth and would think 'huh let me ask jamie what he thinks about this' just to then realize jamie's gone. he'd also visit his grave to leave little gadgets and notes there/talk to him. i think the grief would hit him so hard he wouldn't be able to work on his inventions and experiments anymore. he'd just sit in his lab, dissociating, thinking about jamie and how shitty his life is now that he's gone. he'd check up on everyone, especially avery cause, like i said, she's not getting out of bed.
nash: pretty much the same thing i said in my grayson post. would also try to keep the family going but would also fail miserably. he wouldn't let anyone see him fall apart except for libby. he'd, in a way, think he failed at keeping his brother safe, and, that he didn't do the one thing he was supposed to do as jamie's older brother. he'd become extra protective of his two remaining siblings and avery. he visits jamie's grave balling his eyes trying to think of a way he could've saved jamie. unlike avery, he'd have to get out of bed. staying in bed makes him feel even worse so he gets up and either checks on the others or works. i can also imagine him feeling so depressed he's just numb to everything except anything that concerns jamie or his family. he wouldn't care about the things he cared about before and would just lose it.
libby: the one who's actually keeping everyone together. she's making sure everyone is fed, bathed, etc and makes sure everyone has someone to talk to or cry to. meanwhile, she'd be grieving too. even though she's not as close to jamie, his death would still hit her hard. her baking would get completely out of hand. sm that people had to make an intervention bc they couldn't eat all of the cupcakes. she'd bring the cupcakes to jamie's grave (like i said in my grayson post). she'd start crying at any time of the day when she sees smth that reminds her of him (this is basically the exact same thing i wrote in my grayson post but i wanted to include her cause she's the best. i just think she'd react the same to all of the brother's deaths (except nash))
not proof read so sorry if there are grammar mistakes or smth doesn't make sense.
#the inheritance games#jameson hawthorne#grayson hawthorne#avery grambs#nash hawthorne#xander hawthorne#libby grambs
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ONE SHOT
midnight summer
or: the first time Gale realizes that he has romantic and mostly sexual feelings for John they're still in fighter school. It just takes one summer night, laying outside in the gras, looking at the stars and Bucky telling him a story with his low, husikily voice. That's all Gale needs to allow his heart and mind to opens up for his feelings and when Bucky come closer and kiss him there is no holding back anymore.
(pre-war Buck and Bucky)
Fighterschool US Air Force, a warm midsummer night...
The week was finally over. Gale sighed in quiet exhaustion and slumped back on his elbows, the soft, lukewarm grass touching his legs and lower back. It was August and although the sun had long since disappeared over the horizon, there was still a pleasant warmth in the air and the crickets were chirping in the distance. It was still overwhelming to sit on the wing of a B-17 and watch the sunset. Watching the sky slowly turn yellow-orange and then deep pink and red was simply unforgettable. Gale loved those balmy summer evenings when they weren't flying and he had the time to sit alone on a wing - in between all the hustle and bustle of the day - and write in his leather-covered notebook and think about John and home as the sun went down.
He felt heated and the longer he sat in the grass, the more the tiredness continued to fight its way to the surface. Gale had been awake since 0500 and had had several hours of theory lessons, sports and a flying session. His muscles burned with exhaustion and the dull feeling of contentment spread through his chest as he finally leaned back completely until he lay flat on his back in the grass and closed his eyes. He could lay here forever, he thought and smiled.
Somewhere in the distance he heard the mingled voices and laughter of some guys. They were all sitting together around the campfire, telling stories. Basically, they all got on well, and yet at the end of the day it was one big tussle, like a motley family. Each of them wanted to be the best pilot - and some days it was Buck and Bucky, others it was some guys from another squadron.
"Are you awake?" John asked in a raspy voice and Gale hummed softly as he felt Bucky drop into the soft grass beside him. John was so close to him that he could feel his body heat and smell his unique scent. He took a deep breath and inhaled the heady mixture of soap, aftershave and John. Hmm, heavenly.
Gale grumbled and opened his eyes a crack when he felt John press his knee against Gale's: "Hmmm, what's up, John?"
"I miss girls...god damn I miss their soft curves...and losing myself in them. Do you ever think about girls, Buck?", Bucky murmured in a low, raspy voice, sending a shiver down Gale's arms. His heartbeat quickened and, with his eyelids still half open, he blinked and felt himself blushing. Bent in the darkness, he was glad John couldn't see his embarrassment, even if he knew John knew. He knew Gale pretty well - probably better than he knew himself. That wasn't just because of the countless hours they'd spent together in the cockpit, but also because of the time they'd spent together besides flying.
While John had always been the loud, outspoken type, Gale had tended to hold back on such topics of conversation. Talking about his bedtime stories had never occurred to him before, but John would tease a few details out of him now and again. He usually embarrassed Buck, but at the same time he felt safe with John.
Gale remembered the first lukewarm evening they had spent here at the air base and to his surprise Bucky had started talking about women, their beautiful curves and their soft lips. He had remained silent, blushing and staring at the tips of his feet and then later into the campfire, while the other blokes had talked loudly and laughed about their conquests and sex. It had made Buck uncomfortable. Partly because he wasn't the loud type and partly because he realised how much less experience he had in all these things. So much less experience than John and when later that evening, on the way back to their lodgings building, he had held him by the elbow and forced him to slow his steps, his heart had almost stopped.
Bucky's fingertips had brushed over the curve of his elbow and, slightly drunk, Bucky had grinned at him so irresistibly and curiously at the same time. His voice was hoarse and almost lost in the darkness, but Gale had heard his words perfectly.
"Why were you so quiet tonight, Cleven? Don't you like talking about women?"
Gale had swallowed hard and shaken his head gently. He felt heat flush his face again and his cheeks turn red as he murmured softly and a little hesitantly, "It's just not my way to talk about women, John. Besides, you talk enough for both of us."
"There's some truth to that," Bucky laughed and Gale smiled slightly. "But you've had girls at home, right?" he chuckled, almost tripping over his feet. Just in time, Gale wrapped an arm around John's waist and pulled him close to the side of his own body. The moment Bucky's warm, minty, slightly wiskey-scented breath brushed his cheek and he blinked at him under half-closed eyelids, Gale knew that John was slowly becoming more than just a friend to him.
When Gale hesitated and didn't answer the question directly, John pressed himself half a step closer to his body and lifted an arm to cup his palm around the back of his neck. It wasn't the first time John had come so close to him physically and yet it felt so different, more intense and somewhere more intimate than ever before. Buck swallowed hard and moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue as he looked expectantly and a little nervously into Bucky's blue eyes. He watched the corners of John's mouth twitch softly and playfully before he murmured, "Or am I completely off base and you're still a virgin, Buck?"
He widened his eyes slightly and shook his head. What, he thought angrily. Gale may have been quieter and less extroverted than John and a lot of the other blokes, but he wasn't really a prude. He just wanted sex to mean something to him.
"No," Gale mumbled and his arm, still wrapped around Bucky's hips, tensed slightly. "I've had girls at home, but I'm just not the type of guy to fuck around without a care in the world." His words spilled from his lips without another moment's thought. He sounded more biting than he had intended and then pressed his lips together. But luckily for him, John only chuckled again and moved a little closer. So close that John's lips were now brushing the shell of his ear and Gale inevitably held his breath. "Your words almost hurt me, Buck...if you weren't so damn beautiful and important to me."
"You're drunk, Bucky. Let me take you to bed." Teasingly, he'd tried to deflect the attention away from himself and thank God John had been drunk and relaxed because he'd dropped the subject and they'd walked the rest of the way quietly side by side.
Buck hesitated for a moment as he was thrown back to the present by the memory.
"Buck, do you ever think about girls?" John repeated quietly.
He blinked and frowned slightly as confusing thoughts collided in his head and he felt slightly dizzy. One of them made him pause and he thought first of Marge - his beautiful Marge. Her soft blonde hair, her delicate features and her warmth and kindness. His best friend from childhood was truly beautiful and yet, apart from her, he had hardly thought about women in the last few moments. Gale licked his lips and opened his mouth slightly to respond. But instead he pressed his lips together once more, swallowed hard and cleared his throat before trying again.
"Yeah, sometimes I think about Marge," he replied slowly.
His heart pounded in his throat and he closed his eyes again. His cheeks burned too much and he bit down hard on his lower lip to keep his next words to himself: But I'm thinking of you too, John.
"Marge," John repeated thoughtfully. "The great Marge," he added, and again his knee bumped against Gale's. The corner of Buck's mouth twitched a little and he sighed. A little louder this time and he rubbed his right palm flat across his chest. Hoping to dispel the tingling in his chest, he rubbed sometimes harder, sometimes lighter across his torso. But it didn't help. No amount of rubbing with his palm, no amount of deep breathing, no amount of sighing dispelled the urgent heat and the tingling that ran through his veins when John was near him. He'd first really noticed it when Bucky had fallen asleep next to him in bed one night last month - a little drunk and so incredibly relaxed and beautiful that Gale had stared at him half the night. It wasn't until the next morning that he'd realized what he'd done...and what it might have meant.
At first he had pushed it to the back of his mind, but then - a few days later - when the memory didn't go away - he dredged it up again and wrote a letter to Marge. She was his closest friend and the only one who had noticed in his first letter about basic training and Fighter School that there was something different and special about John Egan.
Maybe it was because of the way Gale had expressed himself a few months ago. Or maybe it was how often he talked or wrote about Bucky...or maybe Marge was just too damn smart and knew him too well.
Gale had only grinned and shaken his head wildly when Marge's letter had arrived, and even now, as it was beginning to dawn on him, her words still sounded too loud and somehow too strange in his head, and at the same time he wanted nothing more than to find out what John was all about.
"What do you think about Marge?"
Gale winced slightly as Bucky's voice snapped him out of his own thoughts and back to reality. He opened his eyes and turned his head slightly to the side to observe John's side profile. His fingertips twitched and he wished he could reach out and touch him. But he suppressed the urge and whispered instead, "That I miss her voice and the way she laughs. Do I really have to tell you what it's like to miss someone, Major?" Gale grinned slightly and this time it was he who pressed his knee lightly against John's. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the corner of Bucky's mouth twitch and the next moment he turned his head towards Gale and looked deep into his eyes.
"Did you ever imagine being more than just her friend, Gale? I mean look at her...she's beautiful." John's usually bright eyes glittered ocean blue and dark in the embracing darkness of the night, somehow promising, and Gale felt his body temperature rise.
Buck frowned and faster than he could realize it, he mumbled, "No, not really."
John laughed and the husky vibration rushed through Gale's entire body like a shiver. Then John turned his head to Buck and licked his lips with a grin. "I just don't understand you, Gale. You don't drink, you don't gamble, you don't bet. You don't even want that beautiful young woman, so what does it take to convince you?", Bucky murmured in a hoarse voice and Gale watched every movement of John's body. He leaned back in the grass now too, turning on his side and resting his head on the side of his palm. They were closer now and Gale closed his eyes momentarily as a new wave of John's scent wafted over to him.
"Currently I' dont really know what I want", he lied. "I know I should love Marge like a lover and not like just a friend, but it is what it is, Bucky."
John stared at him for a few breaths before he lifted his hand and stroked his chin. "I suspected you were deep, Cleven, but really that romantic, huh? Are you really looking for the one woman worth writing to in war?" he teased him in a low voice.
Even though the words hit him like an unexpected punch in the gut, the corners of Gale's mouth twitched and John's fingertips brushed his lower lip. They both inhaled and exhaled loudly, staring at each other...and then it was over. Still, their eyes remained locked together, and when Buck opened his mouth slightly and whispered, Bucky's heart skipped a beat in his chest. "Who says I'm dying to write to a woman? Maybe I just want to write to you, Bucky."
There was a vulnerability in his words that squeezed all the air out of Buck's lungs. His chest suddenly tightened so much that the gentle teasing of Gale's words was completely drowned out, leaving only seriousness and profundity instead. He leaned forward a little, curving his hand fully around Buck's chin now and forcing him to look gently but firmly into his eyes. Despite the darkness, John caught a glimpse of Gale's deep red cheeks and in that moment he was sure he had never seen anything more real and beautiful. "What would you write to me like that, huh?" he whispered playfully and only with the last bit of restraint did he manage not to let his thumb brush Buck's full, pink lower lip. "After all, you'll be seeing me every day for a while."
"I just want to write down everything that happens to us. I want to be able to remember everything...to remember us," Gale confessed and as he realised the meaning of his words, John's eyes widened. With his heart pounding, Gale closed his mouth again and when he tried to avert his gaze from Bucky, he shook his head almost imperceptibly.
"Don't," he whispered and Gale felt his fingertips twitch on his chin. "Why do you want to look away?" he asked quietly. "It's romantic and maybe the wrong thing to say, but you can always be honest with me, Buck. I've got you and even though you may have thought it was bullshit when I said to you a few weeks ago that I'd always catch you and be your safe haven here, I'm here for you." Without really noticing the movement, John's thumb traced the outline of Gale's lower lip and they both caught their breath. Gale clasped John's wrist with one hand, and when he expected to be pushed away, Buck hesitantly pressed closer into the touch.
"Always?", Gale asked huskily.
"Yeah, always", Bucky answered. "No matter what you need I give it to you."
Kiss me, Gale pleaded silently, blinking several times before looking back up at Bucky and into the blue waves of his eyes. "I know you'll always catch me. Bucky."
"There'll be two more planes in the sky at the end...if there's one thing I'm sure of, it'll be you and me, Buck," John whispered. "No matter what this war costs us, we'll get through it together," John promised.
"You can't really promise that," Gale mumbled hoarsely. They both knew it was an empty promise and yet it gave them both so much warmth and security, hope and confidence that everything would be all right in the end, that at that moment it almost didn't matter.
John leaned his forehead against Gale's and a few breaths passed in which they both just lay there in the grass and time seemed to stand still.
Gale was the first to clear his throat and breathed in a hoarse voice: "John?"
"Hmmm," he mumbled, slowly opening his eyes as he lifted his head slightly. Gale was lying half under him, his eyes still closed and his full, pink lips - so seductive and kissable - that John could hardly resist the urge to lean down and find out what Buck tasted like. Instead of kissing him, John memorised every detail of Gale. His unruly blond hair, the long lashes, his beautiful, seductive lips and the curve of his cheekbones and jaw.
"I just meant it," Gale whispered after a while. John frowned in confusion for a moment, not knowing exactly what Buck meant, but before he could ask, Buck whispered, "That I want to write you letters."
Buck opened his eyes, blinking, and when their eyes met again in the darkness, the air suddenly crackled between them. They were so close that Gale didn't know if it was static energy in the air or if it was their two heartbeats making the air crackle. He exhaled audibly and this time John didn't hold back. No, his thumbnail grazed Buck's jaw and traced its outline. Gale's eyes fluttered shut again and he sighed softly as John's thumb stroked his lower lip.
"What are you doing?" Gale breathed, his heartbeat skipping a beat or two as a wave of heat rippled through his body.
"I'm looking at you, Cleven," Bucky murmured, making Gale laugh. "You really are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
"Don't say that," Buck asked with a sigh. "You got all those girls..."
"What if I told you I only have them to distract me."
"Distract you from what?" muttered Gale, heart pounding.
"From wanting you," Bucky murmured, leaning his forehead against Gale's again. He stopped breathing for a few seconds, then his chest began to heave and he sucked the air in and out greedily. His fingers clutched John's wrist so tightly that he was afraid of leaving marks. So he loosened his grip and stroked from his wrist up his forearm and upper arm until Gale could bury his hand in John's neck. "Don't say things like that if you're not serious. It'll kill me."
"Then I guess it's best I tell you again...I want you, Buck. Since day one you've just been blowing my mind and hearing you talk about Marge...god you really want to torture me."
Gale opened his eyes and for the first time in his life he was sure that something was really going right. "It wasn't my intention to torture you," Gale confessed. "But I had to say something...you kept talking about all the girls."
"I know..." John sighed, again tracing the curve of Gale's lower lip. Their eyes still held onto each other and as their breaths both mingled, Bucky mumbled, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay...," Gale breathed, leaning further into the gentle touch of Bucky's thumb on his lips, "I'm sorry.
"Is that really what you want?" Bucky murmured softly and Gale nodded slightly before he even realised it.
"You said you'd give me anything I wanted...and I want you."
Bucky's grinned and lowered his lips to Gale's. At first their kiss was slow and uncertain, then it became more aroused and curious until John leaned fully over Gale and pressed his hips against his. They were both breathing heavily and when a dark moan escaped Bucky, Gale intensified their kiss and licked John's lips with his tongue. He begged for entrance and as John's mouth opened, their tongues began an erotic dance that fuelled them both.
While Gale buried one hand in Bucky's soft brown curls, he placed the other on the spot between his neck and collarbone. John's pulse raced under his fingers and when their kiss ended, they were both breathless and completely aroused. The air crackled with the tension between them and when John pressed another brief kiss to Gale's lips, he smiled. "So that's it now...", Buck murmured in a husky voice. "We're doing this together now?"
"Yeah, you're not getting rid of me any time soon."
Hey FELLAS ❤️
I felt the need to write another one shot about our two Majors. I've been thinking a lot about the pre-war time when Buck and Bucky where still in fighter school and that back in the States everything started. Back in fighter school they both of them realizes that there is a invisible bound between of them and it's more than friendship or camaraderie. It's deeper and I wanted to write something about the first time they kiss and touch each other. Explore new desires and feelings, and I could just scream because I really love them! 🫢
Enjoy this one and please LMK what you're thinking! I love to read your comments! ❤️
xoxo callumsgirl
#masters of the air#mota fic#mota#gale cleven#buck x bucky#john bucky egan#john egan#callum turner#let’s talk mota#mota fanfic#austin butler major gale buck cleven#callum turner major john egan#major cleven#major john egan#pre war
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What do you think is making her miserable if not the bearding? That's a huge part of the lie. I'd assume she feels terrible having to do that.
to me, the bearding is what would make the kind of life i assume she has possible. i think what’s instead miserable is the continued cycle of getting close to fulfilling her best laid plans in the way that she wants to, only to encounter one monumental setback after another, leading to her basically start all over again. i feel like if you’re a serial master planner and if every two or three years all your hardest work had to be scrapped, you’d become miserable too.
bearding is in a way another reflection of the state of affairs, but i don’t see bearding as the root cause of the misery. i feel like it is possible that it could be what affords her some level of peace of mind from her own perspective, from which she can then give herself permission to experience a sort of happiness that is around her. like it’s not ideal conceptually but i don’t think it’s my place to say what taylor personally needs or doesn’t need.
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Elaena Targaryen
Princess Elaena was only eleven when locked away in the Maidenvault. At that age she was a skinny thing, the runt of the litter, but she had more than a little of her sister Daena's wilfullness even then, as she would prove when she grew older. She liked to dress in black as a girl, because her big sister Daena had done it. Her eyes were a soft lilac, her mouth thin-lipped and often angry. Her hair was a platinum white with a bright golden streak down the middle, an unusual color even for the Targaryens. She wore it long, pulled back, and braided, and was always being told it was her crowning beauty. Elaena's most cherished possession was a dragon's egg whose stony shell showed the same colors as her hair. [x]
#elaena targaryen#asoiaf#asoiaf art#a song of ice and fire#valyrianscrolls#house targaryen#dragon eggs#targaryensource#westeros history#so spake martin#there aren't enough artworks of baby elaena and i do love her so#but this was basically an experiment to see if i could do it#featuring lots and lots and lots of photoshop lol#i have too much time on my hands
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Book 3 is literally everyone playing 4D chess! Jack can't escape the power of friendship, it's coming for him.
#twisted wonderland#twst#memes#everyone is a menace to society actually#azul ashrengrotto#jade leech#floyd leech#twst grim#twst yuu#leona kingscholar#ruggie bucchi#jack howl#ace trappola#deuce spade#Wait guys who was gonna tell me desktop doesn’t have a 10 image limit?!#i feel so powerful#no but Sebek basically calling Silver an orphan at the end there dang sir#also can I just say I love the end of the final twistune that single moment is making me an azul believer#as we can see nobody has learned anything from this experience#Adeuce lost their collective braincell once again and Yuu confiscated the Ramshackle Duo's before Grim could do the same#Octavinelle#also everyone just coming for Jack and his principles#boy has standards
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Been LOVING your lil magician folks recently please continue they're beautiful and very cute and cool and also very well-designed!! 🥺❤️
thank you for the kind words !!! im not much of a writer, but i do have some sort of story in mind for them.. theyre bitter rivals who end up as roommates bc of their scatterbrained elderly landlord lol
#idk how much of it im gonna keep or change but thats basically the gist of it ^_^#i dont know if i could ever write a solid linear story bc im very indecisive and tend to change things a lot so most of what i make ends up#very abstract or nonlinear.. just short drabbles or stuff that can be slotted into a general setting or premise#although i do want to challenge myself to try and write some sort of enemies/rivals to friends because i have a huge weak spot for that#dynamic!! i tend to be a little soft on my characters which i think has to do with me being a conflict avoidant person. so maybe exploring#this kind of dynamic will help me experiment with my sense of storytelling. although i cant promise it will be written well lol#im also thinking of making their story part of a bigger world so kinda like an omnibus?? i have another story in mind i think i can fit int#the same canon and itd be funny if theres like a bunch of wacky going ons between different apartment tenants nichijou style#but we'll see!!! thank you for your interest in these little shits!!!!#my art#myart#my oc#oc#presto#shuffle#house of cards#oc talk#ask#doodles#yapping
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One of the reasons I will always defend Elain is because I too went through a period of catatonic grief after unimaginable loss after loss after loss (in a short period of time) There was no Rhysand to rescue me from an abusive relationship, no Cassian to teach me how to wield a sword and feel strong. There was only myself with my thoughts, stuck in my mind as I replayed events over and over and could barely get out of bed to survive past all of the pain that was completely out of my control. Maybe if one hasn't experienced it, it's harder to understand how easy it is to disassociate in the face of too much incomprehensible sadness, no matter what is going on around you. I can see how that would be perceived as weak, from that perspective (I suppose), although I do not agree.
#idk man ive just always felt like i could see elain so clearly#both her and azriel i was immediately like “yes i get you i understand it i can see why you are the way you are”#so i cant help but be a bit....surprised...at all the hate she gets#because its like - is this just an experience nobody else understands? really?#why do people hate quiet internal processing SO MUCH?#pro elain archeron#elain archeron#i have lived and experienced the emotional experiences of basically all m fav characters and thats prob why i love them lol
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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
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looking at the feedback I got from doing student teaching. bro I taught like 5 lessons in 20 days 😭
#i would have BEEFED IT as a full time teacher and i Know i was stressed#but its nice seeing how quickly i improved on giving lessons even between those 5 😭😭😭😭#some people were apparently basically taking over their supervisors lessons#which is the other extreme that we were not meant to be doing 💀#im pretty sure the timeline was something like. by the 2nd week u should be teaching a few lessons#and then by the end u should be doing at least a lesson a day#possibly more idr.#on the other hand she made me teach tenth grade COMMERCE#I WAS THERE FOR GEOGRAPHY 💀#im looking at it cos again. resume#unfortunately this 20 days of teaching experience is. the most feedback ive gotten#from a supervisor that could be relevant to someone that might hire me lmao...
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