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nancy-plays-dutp · 2 years

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Moving Mountains Review

If I had to sum up my feelings about this book in one sentence, it would be “mixed”. There’s certainly a lot I enjoy, and with some minor adjustments I think this story could have been one of my favorites. But other aspects of this story really let it down, and change my perspective of this narrative to a more negative one.

Moving Mountains is two chapters, and the pacing is noticeably better than the last story, Code Whalefall. I also admire the clothing designs, but here we run into our first big problem.

Much to the frustration of many DUTP players, every single handheld in this book is a Jerry item. This means that you can only complete two outfits without Jerry spins, and a bunch of outfits that SHOULD be fully craftable are not. The in game statistics will allow you to get 100% without winning the items from Jerry, but this honestly just felt petty to me. There’s no reason why those items couldn’t have been blueprints we obtained in the story, and Jerry is an awful system to work with at the best of times given the element of randomness. Especially since many recent Jerry outfits have many four star items that don’t even look good, like plain white socks, and you’re much more likely to win multiples of those items than a single desirable item. I miss when exceptional items were the norm from Jerry, not the exception.

I mention this so close to the top because the outfits are the main appeal of this story. I’ll do a further breakdown of the characters and plot, but honestly if anything about this story appeals to you, there is a better story with those aspects. The premise of this one, that the MC Wen Rou does not want to get married, is something so simple that it can be seen in plenty of other stories as a subplot. I would recommend the Perfect Storm for an MC taking control of her fate and chasing her dreams. And if you’re here for the cultural aesthetic Ancient Dreams and Gourmets Journey have very similar styles and much better writing, along with grappling with themes of family responsibility and expectations. So I guess you can play this book if you want, but play those other books first. They’re much better, and don’t do this frustrating Jerry item stuff.

Now for the plot, which will be under the cut because of spoilers. I can’t decide if the spoilers will really affect the progression of the story, because it’s not set up as a mystery but the summary was so general I have to assume that to some degree they didn’t want you to know what you were getting into. But I honestly don’t think that spoilers will really change your perception of this story.

The main storyline has Wen Rou attempting to prevent an arranged marriage; unfortunately a powerful official attempts to blackmail her into marriage by tarnishing her father’s reputation. To repair it and save her family Wen Rou takes charge of the flooded region her father was working in to save both the people there and her own chances at freedom.

Starting off with the positives, I really enjoyed how much of this story was actually about flood management. I loved how you actually got to make decisions (in some paths) and change things for the better, and how project management was an actual skill that our MC was trained in and allowed to use.

I also cannot describe the delight I felt upon learning that we actually got to blow up a mountain. I would have loved to be more directly involved in that process, or at least have gotten a CG, but I do appreciate the fact that the title reveal was quite literal.

Character wise, I really enjoyed the MC’s relationship with her mother. Although you have opposing views it’s clear that she cares about you, and having that resolution at the end where she accepts your path and expresses her desire to see you happy was lovely. Too often I see these types of stories simply paint the parents as Evil, and it was nice to see it acknowledge that she wants you to get married because that’s the best way she knows to keep you safe.

Companion wise, Shen Jiaojiao was my favourite. The scene where she helps you out by funding your escape was one of the most impactful, and I adore how relying on her is what allows the story to continue rather than forcing you to seek the help of one of the love interests. I do wish that she’d been able to be more present in the second chapter and find it odd how one ending path doesn’t have you seeing her again at all, since her role as your friend and supporter was so vital to the first chapter. It’s also the best link to the theme of this story, the empowerment of women, since it has a character who does fulfill the traditional role she’s expected to, but she still shows spirit and courage and seeks to help you break out of those constraints.

Finally, on the list of things I like is actually the start of Chapter 2, where we have one stage mentioning the MC managing her period cramps. It’s so minor, but menstruation is such a taboo topic and I appreciate it being shown in such a natural light. It also serves the theme well, since this is something that could appear to make women “weaker” but the MC isn’t stopped by it, and more importantly we see Gu Yin offer sympathy and try to take care of her. His actions don’t come across as condescending but rather the assistance of a friend of equal status, and it was a good subtle moment for his characterization.

You might have noticed that I’ve barely mentioned the LIs until this point. This is because while I didn’t hate them, I also have some critiques of their writing. I cannot emphasize how strange it feels to me, having a story where the pitch is “the MC doesn't want to get married” and then barely having an ending without a romance path. The only one that could really qualify is the chapter one ending where you just straight up leave everything behind, which I did enjoy but clearly is not what the story is building towards since it’s so early on in the playthrough.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with having romance in a story, but I couldn’t help but feel that it was a strange choice in this case, especially since the LIs often felt extraneous to the plot. Admittedly Luo Jiuhua was treated the worst in this respect; while he’s supposed to be a childhood friend the writing fails to convince me that such a friendship was truly impactful or necessary, and his route actually involves doing so much less for yourself that it’s rather frustrating.

When Luo Jiuhua was first introduced I honestly thought there was going to be a plotline where we had a fake betrothal just to appease the MC’s family, and then you’d be working together and slowly fall in love and get engaged for real at the end, after being able to prove your worth and accept your family’s blessing to make your own path. It would have also given Luo Jiuhua some much needed personality, making him an interesting foil to Gu Yin by characterizing him as somebody willing to bend the rules and play around with tradition. Since this was clearly not the plan there were still things that could have been done to improve on him. Perhaps he’s the reason why the MC was able to begin learning from her father, and she’d been encouraged by him to pursue education. Perhaps he’d taught her martial arts, which as a fun bonus would open up the opportunity to have a sparring match with him and build some tension.

I especially found his role towards the end of the story frustrating, as whenever the MC ran into difficulties he’d show up and throw his money around and instantly win the trust of the people. It’s always the MC failing and him succeeding, which removes her agency and creates distance between her and the final success. This is culminated in how in this route she doesn’t even think of the blowing up the mountain plan herself, instead overhearing it from somebody while distributing soup and stating the extremely obvious “well why don’t we try that?”. It would have been better to see the MC actually work with Luo Jiuhua, perhaps thinking of inviting him specifically because of his ability to soothe crowds and using that to her advantage, or asking him to look into previous flood mitigation efforts by talking with the citizens he knows so well. Letting her see these strengths and utilize them would reinforce her skill as a leader, instead of just passively letting her friend take care of the problems she faces.

Gu Yin was likely the author’s favourite, as that relationship gets far more time to develop and even starts off with quite the intriguing premise of being enemies. The support he gives you, especially in Chapter 2, is quite touching and well done, and I could realistically see their romantic ending as a fair culmination of their journey together through the narrative. Yet there are still weak spots that could have been improved, most notably the transition between Chapter 1 and Chapter 2.

Upon initial confrontation with his regressive ideas about the role of women, I fully believed we were going to be disguising ourselves as a man to join him on the trip and then have a dramatic reveal. Alas, such a plotline was not to be, and you instead convince him to bring you along. Which reveals an interesting bit of nuance to his character, as it’s clear through the way that he treats you that he doesn’t actually see women as lesser. Yet the story never addresses this discrepancy; it would have been interesting to see him speak about conforming to the ideals of society even if they’re not sincerely held, and the compromises he makes to secure his position of power because he believes he can do more good by making less waves. It would set him up in contrast to the MC, who refuses to adhere to standards she doesn’t believe in, and their relationship could allow them both to grow, with Gu Yin admiring Wen Rou’s bravery, and her learning from his temperance to be less reckless and choose her battles wisely. It would have also gone well with his backstory of growing up in a poor family and obtaining power, and he could have discussed the prejudices he himself faced and how that has impacted his worldview. Instead that backstory appears to not matter whatsoever, as he never even connects with common people or shows any knowledge from said background, nor allows it to motivate his actions. He doesn’t aim to prove himself or earn his place, nor does he try to advocate for those who were born in similar circumstances as he was. In my opinion the element of growing up poor could have actually been entirely given to Luo Jiuhua, since he’s the one who ends up connecting to the commoners far more often and is more sympathetic to them, and it would really make no difference to Gu Yin’s character.

It also would have made their partnership more impactful, if we saw him overcoming ingrained prejudice or fear, or if he represented the system that was holding back Wen Rou. If they’d let Gu Yin be from a rich family and kept his prejudice, he could have grown through the story and come to realize the error of his ways, and his arc would have represented the larger change that Wen Rou comes to have on the world around her. This is where the “dress up as a man” plot would have worked particularly well, since he would have been treating her as an equal and respecting her opinion before realizing she was a women, and then could reevaluate his own internal prejudice. Although he might not have been as nice during the story, I think it would have been fascinating and a good way to connect their relationship between the two chapters.

This brings me to my main problem with this story: what’s up with all the poor people? Chapter one sets up a theme about those in power being abusive and dismissive to those without official positions; we constantly see examples of corrupt officials and are meant to empathize with the citizens living under their governance. But whenever we actually interact with these citizens they’re portrayed fairly unsympathetically. Most of them do not have names and form simply a faceless mob; the MC is unable to appeal to reason in most cases, and must resort to lying to them to get their cooperation. The story struggles with this part of the narrative, with the MC being frustrated over being unheard, and while some of the dialogue and writing attempts to address this by pointing out how they have valid reasons to be distrustful of authority, this is never really resolved in the course of the story. The citizens trust Luo Jiuhua, despite him also being a wealthy noble and present in the area during this abuse, while seemingly arbitrarily disliking the MC for the exact same reasons. It could be a fumbled plot about disliking outsiders, but this doesn’t mesh with the MC’s stated past of knowing the area from having grown up there. If Luo Jiuhua was the character who’d grown up poor and then risen to prominence through the luck of fortune this would make much more sense, as he’d then be viewed as one of the citizens despite his new power and explain why they’re so receptive to him.

It would have also been nice to see the MC actually overcome this difficulty in communication. Perhaps by appointing Luo Jiuhua to be the intermediary, or setting up an internal council run by the village to petition for their needs; some way she could have listened to their concerns and allowed their voices to be heard. The most baffling parts of this plotline are how one of the bad endings literally has the MC being killed by a senseless mob when they believe she is trying to run away, especially when in the other ending she is STILL appearing to leave the town with little explanation but somehow the people trust her this time; also the plot point where you can choose to whip the mother who stole from you to feed her starving child, and it appears to have no affect on the story. I honestly thought that was going to come back at the end, perhaps with the commoners now distrusting her at a crucial moment (perhaps when she’s leaving to go find the delayed delivery of explosives), but encountered no such thing in my playthrough. Perhaps it was there and I just didn’t unlock that path, in which case it’s still strange that something like that could happen and have so little effect on the story.

Built into this is the ongoing conflict of education for women. The MC mentions how she’s been fortunate to learn from her father, and its implied that most other women are restricted to flower arranging, with Wen Rou’s interest in the book festival being something her mother disapproves of. At a pivotal point in the story Wen Rou gains support by promising a mother that her daughter will receive an education (although I do wish the dialogue in that scene made me feel less like she was threatening the future of this child if the mother failed to comply, and she would be separating them permanently for the benefit of the daughter’s education; I suppose schools in this world don’t allow you to go home to see your parents). In of the main endings Wen Rou opens a school specifically for women, to try and educate others and give them the opportunity to change their society as she has. Yet once again the theme is muddled and unclear, resulting in this school becoming kind of a weird note to end on, at least in my reading experience.

Opening a school for women to follow the same path is hardly something new to DUTP books; most recently we’ve seen this in The Perfect Storm. But in that book the lack of education of women is a theme that is commonly built on; the protagonist comes into conflict with her parents over learning, and repeatedly laments the fate of women who are forced to marry and give up their dreams. She’s fully aware that she’s a symbol of female liberation and embraces it. Here Wen Rou seems only vaguely aware of her role, acting dismissive towards other women and taking her own education for granted. It’s not mentioned why her father taught her, especially since it appears he did not expect her to follow in his footsteps; was teaching his daughter just a hobby? Luo Jiuhua’s past with her could have been used very well in this situation; perhaps her father was originally teaching Luo Jiuhua and mourning the lack of a son to educate, and Wen Rou was allowed to sit in and quickly excelled at the classes, surpassing Luo Jiuhua and gaining a lifelong thirst for knowledge.

This is especially stark in Wen Rou’s interactions with other women. On one hand we have those in high society, who she refuses to mingle with and enjoys frustrating by pretending stupidity. The exception to this being Shen Jiaojiao, who you do empathize with and who does help you, but it would have been nice to see an acknowledgement that even those who you disagree with aren’t just vapid drones, happy to blindly follow the societal constraints you chafe against. It portrays the MC as very “not like other girls,” which then only is amplified in the second chapter as your education is what sets you apart from all the poor commoners who can’t understand policy and must be lied to, lest they form an unreasoning mob.

Wen Rou has a very interesting position, as she is currently fighting against a system that does oppress her, but also has a degree of privilege many do not. This book fails to address these systemic influences on the world; it’s never discussed what the norms are for education for women and those in poverty, nor how that correlates to positions of power. We aren’t explicitly told of rules that are in place preventing women from being officials or going to school, at least until the very end when Wen Rou can choose to ask for one of these rules to be dissolved. Others seem mostly unaware of these influences; perhaps one of the poor people in the second chapter could have been a women with great influence in her community, and Wen Rou could propose giving her an official position of leadership, and we could learn that this has been withheld from her due to her gender. It would connect the damage of the floods and the negligence of the officials to the conflict about the oppression of women, and deliver the narrative that everybody benefits when barriers are removed and people can use their talents despite not meeting traditional gender expectations. Even the widower we met could be grieving the death of his wife, and we could learn she was an important member of the community who advocated for better living conditions, and her death negatively impacted everyone. If you wanted to be especially brave you could include a subplot of her dying of an easily treatable illness, but she couldn’t afford such treatment due to her poverty, which was because her work was going uncredited and unpaid for.

At the heart of Wen Rou’s story must be the acknowledgement that she is not special. She has a position where she can make a difference and she does deserve that, and she does have talent and has worked hard to reach this point. None of that is taken away by pointing out that there are other equally skilled women, women who can also be leaders, women who also search for innovative solutions and long for more, and women who are simply not given the same opportunities as Wen Rou. This is how real oppression works in real life, perpetuated by people who mean well but cannot understand the barriers that others face, especially when they themselves have overcome barriers. And here we could tie this conflict into the story title and flood management; people have tried to stop the floods before, the same way that people have advocated for social change in areas of injustice. And they’ve been stopped, or change has been insufficient, or new problems have arisen. Then the conclusion shows that it’s important to keep trying, to let new people come up with new solutions, to push onwards and seek new ways of understanding and reaching those who have been ignored and left behind. Moving mountains takes more than one day, but it can eventually be done, and the fact that its hard doesn’t make it any less worthwhile.

#dress up time princess #dutp moving mountains #dutp story #in summary i feel mid about this book #lots of missed opportunities but nothing that really made me angry #also the clothes were nice

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bookloveravenue · 1 year

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Devon Falls (book 1): Fauxmance in the Falls by J.E. Birk

I'm here to destroy this town. How did I end up in a fake relationship with its hero?

I've spent my life proving to my grandpa and dad that I'm more than just the Lewis family mistake. So when Grandpa sends me to Devon Falls, VT to take some ridiculous leaf festival to court, I head straight there and get to work.

But Dr. Jack Lancer keeps getting in my way.

He's everywhere. Helping me out with my migraines, making me dinner, insisting people be nice to me even though I’m the enemy. Who is this guy? The next thing I know I'm pretending to be Jack's boyfriend to get him out of a bind. I swear he's putting kindness pills in my food or something.

Jack thinks he can fix me the same way he fixes everyone else. But I'm not broken. This podunk town will be when I'm done with it, though. And Jack? Well, he's about to learn the meaning of the term "collateral damage." Because I'll do anything to win this case and end this festival.

Even if it means losing something that feels an awful lot like love.

Fauxmance in the Falls is an age-gap romance featuring a small town full of quirks, a grumpy lawyer and a charming physician, a fake relationship gone wild, some inappropriate use of a doctor’s office, and a healthy mix of humor and angst. It stars Benson Lewis, who first appeared in the book Counterpoint.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/62701687-fauxmance-in-the-falls

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April 4, 2023

My Review: 5/5 Stars

Been looking forward to this book since I heard Benson was our main character! For those who don't know, Benson is first scene in Counterpoint. I definitely recommend reading that one before you jump into this book. You get a better appreciation for who he is and how far he has come and changed as you are reading this story. Benson wasn't my favorite when I first read Counterpoint but it becomes clear that we don't know everything about him. And I was definitely not disappointed to learn about Benson and his past. So the story starts with Benson being sent to Devon Falls help a client prove he is the owner of the land where the town has their famous festival. Benson knows he'll be the bad guy here but also knows that if he succeeds perhaps his grandfather and father will actually acknowledge him and how far he has come. He just needs to keep his head down and don't ask questions. But that soon becomes impossible when Benson comes across pieces of this case that don't seem to add up quite right. Then to make things more complicated, Benson never expects Jack. The hot single doctor taking care of his nephew who needs a bit of help himself dealing with his ex-in-laws. Benson still isn't quite sure how he ends up being Jack's fake boyfriend when he sees how awful they are being. Jack, meanwhile, has felt like a failure for a while. Failed in his marriage, failing to help his nephew with school. He tries so hard but it seems to backfire on him every time. And when he meets Benson, who saves him, he can't help but feel like he's found something he's been missing all along. These two were so sweet! They had such a nice balance to one another. Where Benson knows he can come off as a jerk, Jack is endlessly patient and sees past that prickly side of Benson. And neither are perfect in this maybe not so fake relationship. They have issues to deal with and we get some twists and turns on their way to their happy ending. And just some plot twists in general that happened were so good! I couldn't put this story down. We got some great new characters, great old ones making an appearance, and a town that is just a hoot and where you'll want to move to. Really loved this first book in this series and I can't wait for more!

I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

#book #books #i love books #my review #book review #devon falls #fauxmance in the falls #je birk

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margarethx · 3 years

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The Sambucky fandom spends a lot of time and energy on calling out writers for using problematic, often straight up racist, tropes in their fics. And rightfully so, because some of said tropes are not only unplesant to read for many readers, but also harmful if they help to perpetuate some awful stereotypes. That being said... I feel like we need to show the other side of the spectrum more often and sometimes focus on people who don’t make these mistakes.

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So here is my personal THANK YOU! to all the writers who have never used these offensive stereotypes in their Sambucky fanfiction and who:

1. Give as much attention to Sam’s side of the story as they give to Bucky’s and do not focus solely on Bucky’s emotions about their developing relationship when it’s a mixed POV.

2. Acknowledge Sam’s trauma and all the loss he experienced in the past (not only in the context where his pain is used to help him better connect with another person who’s hurting).

3. Show other characters (Bucky or not) helping Sam go through his more diffucult moments (bad days, nightmares, painful flashbacks).

4. Show Sam having these more difficult moments.

5. Don’t act like Bucky’s traumatic past is enough of an excuse for his unpleasant behaviour towards Sam. (E.g. they don’t write a story where Sam forgives Bucky every mean, ignorant comment without thinking, just because Bucky’s sad.)

6. Show Sam experiencing variety of emotions - not just frustration and adoration towards Bucky. Show him being sad, happy, disappointed, confused, hopeful, dejected, relieved, terrified, confident etc.

7. Show Sam being the more vulnerable one in the relationship (in general or just in cerain situations)

8. Write scenes where Sam is shy or a little awkward (about his relationship with Bucky or about something else). Also write him being insecure sometimes.

9. Write just as much about Sam’s appearance as they do about Bucky’s. (Both as a narrator and through a character’s compliments or thoughts.)

10. Mention how beautiful Sam’s eyes are... especially if there is more than one line about them. (Plus mention their colour like... at all.)

11. Describe Sam’s appearance focusing on something outside of his smile or muscles. (Not that these are not nice, but there are other things to compliment and they’re hardly ever pointed out.) (Very much including hair or skincolour.)

12. Write Sam making mistakes, but not in a way that insinuates that he’s stupid or incompetent, but in a way that shows he’s a normal person who can sometimes be wrong and own up to it. (Unless he’s the only person in the story who always messes up...)

13. Show Sam being very competent. And show Bucky appreciating Sam’s competence, skills, and knowledge in various fields. (Also write Sam being a badass.)

14. Write about Sam’s background in pararescue, his medical training, skills in combat, flexibility, speed, ability to fly, ability to fix his advanced equipment, strenght, the fact that he’s pretty stealthy etc...

15. Write about the importance of Sam’s relationship with Steve even when Steve’s past connection to Bucky is not relevant to the story at any point.

16. Write Bucky being openly grateful for all the things that Sam did for him and write Bucky helping Sam back even when Sam didn’t specifically ask, because they genuinely care about each other.

17. Write about Sam’s past as a therapist not in the context of him helping Bucky get better, but because it’s relevant to the story and it’s something he has a lot of experience with. Or simply because it’s a significant part of his previous life journey.

18. Show Sam being frustrated or angry without falling into bad stereotypes. And show why his anger was justified and he had the right to react like that, because he doesn’t have to be polite and dyplomatic about everything if other people (Bucky very much included) don’t act respectful towards him in the first place.

19. Acknowledge that Sam is AJ and Cass’s actual uncle. The kids might like Bucky, but they’ve known and loved Sam for way longer... and I rarely see that mentioned.

20. Write about Sam’s past romantic relationships without focusing only on Bucky being jealous about them.

21. Show Sam’s interactions with other characters - not just in a romantic context, but also in terms of friendships (MCU Natasha was closer to Sam than Bucky and fics rarely talk about that), professional cooperation, rivalry and so on.

22. Mention the social commentary brought up in tfatws without brushing it to the side or downplaying the importance of Sam’s race in the formation of his character and storyline.

23. Acknowledge that Sam is human and his body is not enhanced in any way... without making it sound like he’s too weak to do the job.

24. But also... write about Bucky using his super strenght to carry Sam around and to pick him up all the time (for whatever reason), because it’s cute. Sue me.

25. Point out that Sam is slightly shorter than Bucky without always making Sam weirdly insecure about it.

26. Write Sam as Bucky’s first choice... not a second option he picked for the lack of a better candidate for a boyfriend.

27. Understand that Sam has a life outside of Bucky even if their friendship and romantic relationship are obviously very important for him.

28. Write Bucky touching Sam in reassuring, delicate ways. (Holding his hands, cupping his face, touching his hair, kissing the tip of his nose.)

29. Let Sam make harmless jokes, be charming, and be actually a nice person even when he’s not actively helping anyone. Just let him have a complex, but pleasant personality.

30. Let him be sarcastic without making him mean.

31. Add Figaro (Sam’s cat) to the stories about pets. Or show Sam’s emotional attachment to Redwing, even when it’s still a drone, not a bird.

32. Don’t forget that Riley died. And Sam’s parents died. And his close friends died. And other close friend left him without saying goodbye... etc. (Also don’t forget he himself died at one point...)

33. Mention and discuss Sam’s sexuality and romantic orientation (both in the tags to the story and in the actual text). ...I feel like it’s often unspecified for no reason while Bucky’s identity is clear from the start.

34. Give Sam little hobbys and interests that are unrelated to his work or his ability to make other people’s lives better.

35. Write about Sam’s fears and doubts while not forgetting he’s generally a very brave, mostly confident person.

36. Make the audience feel like Sam is a necessary part of the story. Not just a character added hastily at the end of writing just so the author can tag his name, because the ship he’s a part of is currently more popular than before and showind him at last minute will attract some readers to click.

and... 37. Do the things mentioned above in all of their Sambucky stories and use more than one of these ideas at a time.

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To people who wrote stories with these tropes... You guys are doing a great job and I appreaciate your work a lot. It’s easy to focus on complaining, because the Sam/Bucky tag on Ao3 was always kind of a mess, but my day genuinely gets better every time I find one of your stories. So thank you again and keep it up :>

(Side note: if you have any recommendations for fics that use the ideas I wrote in this post feel free to link them in the comments. Because the bar is hanging pretty low at this point and some authors still wouldn’t be able to cross a single point from my list if they examined their - allegendly - “Sambucky” stories... so we should promote the content that is actually good.)

#sam wilson #samuel thomas wilson #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #captain america #captain america sam wilson #the falcon #white wolf #winter soldier #sambucky #sam x bucky #winterfalcon #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #mcu #marvel

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egg-on-the-run · 3 years

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More singing headcanons for the rise! turtles

Hehe requested 💖💖

💙❤️💜🧡

Michelangelo:

When you sing for Mikey it's usually to try and help him sleep but he always goes doe eyed to stare at you. He's in genuine awe. Even though it's a little rough and off key your voice is so soft at this time of night because you don't want anyone else to hear but he would gladly hold the microphone so you could sing to the world.

Mikey adores it when you sing out the instructions in his cook book.

"One beaten egg! A pinch of salt! Mix it altogether and do the waltz!" "Do the waltz?"

You pull him to waltz around the kitchen. It was in the song so it's an essential part of the recipe.

Mikey likes a lot of music, especially rap, so if you can memorise some speedy lyrics he will just happily hype you up in the background

He loves loves LOVES when you know basically every song on his playlist but he LOVES LOVES LOVES it whenever you can recommend him new songs you know he'll like

"I heard this song yesterday and I thought of you! It's so funky and fun :)"

He bursts into flames.

Leonardo:

Leonardo goes BONKERS when you cheer for him like a cheerleader. If you make up a fun little rhyme to make him feel special his ego inflates like a balloon.

"Nine, eight, seven, six! Gotta get my daily fix! Five, four, three, two! Take my medicine - it's you!" and he has to kiss your cheek because yes. Doctors orders. Give kisses now.

"I only counted to two because you're my number one."

His cheeks go beet red.

Much like Mikey he also loves it when you sing and narrate things.

Leo takes you driving out in the truck and it's just the two of you jamming out to his playlist. He pulls into an alleyway to dance and you guys are going to get at least one anrgy, tired New Yorker banging on the door to get yous to shut up

You guys both go too hard and have sore throats the next morning.

If anyone in his family complains you both pretend to be blissfully unaware of how loud and awful you guys sound

"Would you PLEASE stop trying to make my ears bleed?!" ":( Aw Donnie that's so mean. I've been practicing really hard lately :(" "Yeah Donnie :( they've been taking lessons that's so rude :("

Donatello:

I can make a water drop noise with my cheek and I like to imagine doing that in Donnie's lab and he's like "is the faucet leaking? It shouldn't be leaking." and then when he turns back doing it again until he whips his head around.

As annoying as it is, Donnie does like making funny noises with you. Especially if you try and beatbox.

Can you beatbox? No. Are you going to anyway? Yes.

After so long you have perfected the art of timing Donnie's face palms. When you know he's going to face palm you pull a quick "ba dum—" and the last note is him hitting himself.

He appreciates the dedication and it usually cheers him up a bit

It takes a while for either of you two to actually sing in front of each other.

For a start, he mostly listens to electronic music and stuff and it doesn't have a lot of words to sing to. Plus, neither of you are very good at singing, so it's also partly due to embarrassmemt

You start becoming more comfortable after he comes round to visit and you're in the shower. He waits in your room but you don't know he's there so you're singing at full volume

It's the most awful and simultaneously the most beautiful thing he's ever heard

He pretends hebhates dancing with a partner because he's stepped on your feet so many times (it's just his nerves) so you bribe him and say you'll only sing if he dances.

He secretly enjoys both dancing and your singing so it's a win-win for him. But you don't need to know that...

Raphael:

Raph loves listening to you sing because sometimes you'll actually, like, hit a good note and you both freeze and just "did you hear that?" "I heard that" "that was actually pretty good" "that was actually pretty good!"

You very clearly fail at hitting a high note, he retorts with "Calm down Miss Mariah Carey."

"I should be on Broadway! :)" "Well you've certainly got the lungs!"

You both know you can't sing and it's okay. He much prefers it when you absolutely scream the lyrics to a song because he also wants to scream the lyrics with you.

Usually you are absolutely bopping out to songs with high energy but whenever it's just the two of you and things are a little calmer and he's playing some soul radio, that's his favourite time.

You just hum along to the rhythm, and whenever you recognise the song you quietly sing a few words he just melts because his brothers' music tastes are all very fast and loud and high energy and yeah he likes it but he really appreciates it when someone just acknowledges his own interests and makes him feel special.

He actually likes to look at the history of soul music and a lot of celebrities and such, you let him ramble and let him play some songs.

If you come back the next day and are like "Hey I was listening to that song you played the other day! It's really nice I added it to my playlist :)" he will propose. On the spot. He's so happy

#tmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise donatello #rise leo #rise raph #rise mikey #ROTTMNT #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt headcanons #rise donnie #Rise Leonardo #Rise Raphael #Rise Michelangelo

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a-lil-perspective · 4 years

Text

•Braids and Bavodu’e•

A/N: Directly affiliated with the “Serendipity With A Slice Of Sergeant” series, this spin-off is for Uncle Crosshair. There are three segments spanning within this narrative that each depict different phases of time. To clarify—the order will proceed as such: Middle, Beginning, End. In total adoration for this particular concept with Crosshair, I poured my heart and soul into the curation, and I hope you all find enjoyment within. Feedback, recommendations, and requests are always appreciated. @shadow-hyder @obiorbenkenobi @thegoodbatch @starflyer-104 @karpasia @kriffingunlucky @everyonehasanindividuality

•▫️♦️•▫️♦️•▫️♦️•▫️♦️•▫️♦️•▫️♦️•▫️♦️▫️•

“I... do not think you’re doing it the right way, Crosshair. It says here in the guide to weave over, then under—”

“Tech, kindly close your yap so I can concentrate.” Crosshair bit out, sighing in frustration over the seemingly impossible task. “I know what I’m doing.”

He had no idea what he was doing.

But when Hunter’s daughters came bounding up to Crosshair with a hairbrush and a plea—how could he refuse?

After all, it was just one braid in a little girl’s hair—how hard can it be?

The six-year-old jittered with excitement. “I can’t wait till it’s done!”

“I can’t either,” Crosshair mumbled through a hair accessory clamped between his teeth as he worked.

A sniper and ex-Super Commando against toddlers and tresses?

No problem.

///

Crosshair’s hands smoothed over the entirety of the girl’s hair; signifying his completion, finally, of this one kriffing braid. His contentment over the results made up for the aching in his wrist. He was no hairdresser, and yet—clenching and uncurling his fingers before cracking his knuckles to alleviate the strain—Crosshair figured he’d better start building up the muscle strength in his hands; a sneaking suspicion that there would be many more braids to come.

His deduction was already confirmed when Tech promptly planted the three-year-old Rowena straight into the sniper’s lap, next.

“You have to do Ro’s hair, too.” Tech needlessly explained.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” Crosshair sneered, rolling his eyes and once again favoring the tactic of sardonic responses to conceal his discomfiture for whatever situation he found himself in.

“His name isn’t Captain Obvious, Ba’vodu!” Alarasmé’s high-pitched voice cut through the tension, her lack of knowledge on sarcasm pointedly intervening. “That’s Uncle Tech!”

“You’re right, ‘Lara—but tell Crosshair who your favorite Uncle is, hmm?” He encouraged, a feeling of total confidence and surety in the girl’s pending answer.

“You, Uncle Crosshair.”

Her confirmation managed to simultaneously inflate Crosshair’s ego and deflate Tech’s. The engineer’s mouth lay agape, his downcast expression symbolic of crushed spirits, and the image of Tech’s pout allowed Crosshair to become wholly amused by his vod’ika’s lack of dignity around a six-year-old.

“I... Alara... I thought I was your favorite Ba’vodu?” The engineer was utterly baffled, devastation evident in his voice.

“That was only yesterday, Techie.” The girl stated with complete disregard for her Uncle’s feelings, as if her admission towards a shift in predilection was the most justifiable thing, and a predictable reoccurrence, at that.

Apparently, it was.

“But... but Crosshair has practically had a running streak for three weeks now!” Tech whined, to which the sniper simply cast him the most smug expression the engineer has ever seen.

Had there not been small children around, Tech swore to himself that he would’ve punched that stupid smirk right off his ori’vod’s face, he was that indignant over the ranking.

So he attempted to compensate for his trauma and descending favor by kneeling in front of the three-year-old with her locks currently tended to as he worked on coercing his desired validation out of the toddler.

“Rowena, Tech is your favorite Uncle, correct?”

The toddler giggled and reached her tiny fingers out to yank at Tech’s goggles, pulling them away from his face before abruptly letting go; the resistance from the band around the back of his head causing the corrective eyewear to suddenly retract with a thwack against his skin. The sound of Tech’s yelp of pain nearly overpowered Crosshair’s cackling.

“You di’kut, you had that one coming, tryna reason with a baby,” the sniper managed to choke out through his wheezing, to which Tech scowled, soothing over both the fresh sting around his delicate eye area and his further injured pride.

“As a matter of fact, I think the response was a good sign. According to research, babies and small children naturally present with more attentiveness and personality to people they favor—“

“Awe don’t worry, Techie,” the sniper brushed his vod’ika aside with a goading stroke of snark. “It’s not your fault—not everyone can be as well accomplished as this Ba’vodu.”

It was true—while Crosshair was slightly begrudged to admit—his deft and nimble fingers that procured precision in every aspect of his work were, unsurprisingly, the most ideal candidate for constructing intricate hairstyles.

Not that he was complaining one bit.

///

“Papa! Look at my hair!!” The little girl gave a proud twirl in flaunting the new style to her Father upon his return with Uncle Wrecker.

Hunter’s eyes widened, signaling his eased integration of whimsicality and theatrics into his daughter’s exuberance. He was a natural; proof of his intrinsically befitting role of Fatherhood on display time over again.

“Alarasmé?! Is that you?! I barely even recognized you, you’re even more beautiful then I remember!” He knelt to be eye-level with his daughter in emphasizing his payments of the highest respect and reverence for her beauty; his surprise remaining authentic, and his compliment even more so.

Truthfully, he was thoroughly surprised at beholding his two daughters that day... with their hair beautifully styled... by... Crosshair?

Hunter’s brows furrowed while curiously regarding his vod, whose own attentive gaze was fully occupied with giving purpose to the last thin strands of hair on the youngest girl. If Crosshair felt Hunter’s intense gaze of perplexity boring into him over his unprecedented behavior, he had yet to acknowledge it.

He did feel it, and was pointedly ignoring.

“All done, Ro.” Crosshair announced upon promptly attaching the finishing touch to Rowena’s head before she bolted out of the chair in racing her chubby toddler legs over to Hunter, who matched her eagerness as he lovingly scooped up his ik’aad to also exalt her beauty and express his adoration for the girl’s new accessory—

So that’s where his red bandana went.

“Papa! Your turn!” The girls pulled a now flustered Sergeant over to Crosshair, who suddenly flashed Hunter the most devilish grin before patting the stool in front of him in an overly welcoming gesture; each word dripping with deliberate emphasis.

“Yes, Papa Hunter—have a seat.”

“Uh, I don’t think so—“

“I insist.”

The intense begging of his daughters mixed with the thinly-veiled intimidation tactics of Crosshair left Hunter with little choice than to flop unceremoniously down into the chair, but not before turning to greet his vod with a glare and feigned warning:

“You’ll regret this.”

“Oh, I think not, Sergeant—I am going to enjoy the absolute kriff out of this.” Crosshair smirked, playfully smacking the back of his ori’vod’s head. “Now be still and enjoy your braid. Remember to smile for Tech’s recording.”

/// *** \\\

“Do you want to hold her, vod?”

There it is. The dreaded question Crosshair knew was coming.

The nauseating one that caused his head to spin and a sheen of sweat to break out across his forehead; a question that triggered Crosshair’s urge to promptly flee the scene.

Not that the idea itself dreaded him—but who was he kidding; his hands were used to cradling rifles, not babies.

Certainly not infant newborns.

“You’re not gonna break her, vod. Don’t worry. She’s tougher than she looks.” Hunter replies with reverence for his firstborn and innate realization for the way Cross was so conflicted; as if the sniper’s contorted and downright terrified facial expression wasn’t overt enough.

Crosshair’s hands unconsciously drifted defensively in front of him, and he noted the way they were slightly trembling.

Of course Hunter noticed, too—he deliberately approached Crosshair last with news of the baby’s arrival, equipped with full comprehension for the way his vod would instinctively portray a great deal of resistance to the encounter, originating from his suffocating trepidations. Inwardly, Hunter couldn’t place fault; the prospect, his new reality, was also just as utterly foreign to a man groomed for the role of a Sergeant and super soldier all of his life. He was actually a Father now.

Crosshair’s stammering became the only audibility as he desperately searched for the right words. “I... I don’t... How do I—”

“Just position your arms, exactly like mine here,” Hunter gently instructed, stifling his slight hilarity in regarding Crosshair’s plight and uncharacteristically timid behavior. He slowly transferred the bundle, leaving a last piece of advice on how to support the baby’s head with the act of cradling.

There she is. The moment Crosshair’s fret over, the focal point of his immense stress for nine months straight; all condensed into this one moment:

A moment that forcefully yanked the air from the sniper’s lungs. Fear. Joy. Exhilaration. Assurance. Swirling emotions enveloping and succumbing to solidification; leaving his vision in cloudy haze, nearly bringing the man to his knees. The moment he swore his heart would beat out of his chest from the hammering against his ribcage and the pure adrenaline rushing through his veins.

A moment of—

“How does it feel, Ba’vodu?” Hunter’s genuine smile and elation reeled Crosshair back, momentarily.

“I...” Crosshair faltered, not trusting himself to speak. Not yet.

Don’t stare. Stay calm. Act normal. Breathe—

He swallowed hard, lowering his octave to just above a whisper and opting for the incitement of a casual inquiry as he desperately tried to compensate for the weight, or lack thereof, in his arms.

She was... way lighter than a rifle...

“What did you name her?”

“Alarasmé.”

The hard eye rolling of Crosshair briefly allowed the sniper’s usual derisive quips to surface in that instant. What a name.

“That’s too big for a baby, you di’kut.” Both men chuckled at the ribbing.

“She’ll grow into it. Besides—we figured there could be lots of nicknames to come from it: ‘Alara’, ‘Lara’, ‘Lar’—”

“That’s... better. Pretty.”

“Glad you think so, vod. You know your opinion is the only one I care about.”

Crosshair’s wry smile spread across his features, mirroring his ori’vod’s. He appreciated the former Sergeant favoring the antidote of humor to ease them both into the new transition, despite Hunter currently looking a little worse for wear.

His thoughts flickered to a more pressing question, the one that plagued his thoughts the moment medical droids ushered her back.

“And... Y/N? Is she—?”

“She’s doing great, vod,” Hunter’s smile projected reassurance.

Crosshair exhaled in relief, releasing a breath he didn’t know he’d held captive. “That’s good... figured as much, otherwise you wouldn’t even be coherent. Surprised you didn’t pass out right on the spot.”

“Me too.” Hunter’s deep laugh echoed against the stark white walls of the hospital. “But I did have to send Wrecker outside until he could stop howling from sheer excitement. And I sent Tech in there to keep an eye on her while she rests.”

“Resting and Tech do not go together, Hunter. I think baby fever is stunting your sound judgement here.”

“Cross—relax, would you? Tech’s not gonna bother anything. Everything is fine, I promise: Y/N is OK.” Hunter inhaled patience and breathed out compassion before gently continuing, a sense of fond remembrance coloring his features.

“You should’ve seen her, vod; she was SO happy. Could barely pry that little one from her arms.” The former Sergeant carefully eyed Crosshair in accentuation over his next statement. “But she wanted you to see the baby. Was askin’ about you. Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Crosshair felt a contemplative frown tug the corner of his lips as his brows furrowed in intense deciphering of Hunter’s admission.

Y/N... was asking... about him? Wanted to make sure he was okay? Even though she was the one giving birth.

Hunter should count his lucky stars. Maker, that woman was so kriffing compassionate and thoughtful, her altruism a real rarity.

If someone were to ask; this was but one of many reasons why Crosshair loved you so damn much.

He could hardly breathe at the pang of guilt now coursing through him—talk about a real shabuir. He could’ve made himself available for support instead of trekking around the hospital to wallow in his reservations and anxiety.

Crosshair felt he did a major disservice to the people whom he deeply cared for, who relied on him—and he fervently sought to make amends.

Maybe he could start today...

The sniper’s eyes finally drifted to the bundle in his arms and settled on the baby now slightly squirming as she cooed and suddenly blessed Crosshair with the image of two pools of dazzling brown eyes reflecting; soft and warm and curiously regarding the company of a temporary acquaintance cradling her. Her face was tender; concave features and tiny lips immediately curving into a half smile.

Crosshair couldn’t breathe.

He nearly clutched his chest, seeking to address the now smoking hole in the center courtesy of a newborn, his niece, and her well placed shot point-blank through his heart.

Impressive by even an expert sniper’s standards.

It was as if suddenly, instead of blood seeping from his exposed heart, it was pure ardor forcefully expelling and completely washing away disquietude to project a vulnerability so lovingly welcomed and an intimacy so deeply cherished in that instant; an indescribable moment Crosshair wished he could capture the essence of forever.

A moment Crosshair fell in love.

With stars in his eyes and total adoration for this beautiful human created from an unrepentant devotion, the sniper quickly decided with an unwavering resolve that love was the most powerful thing in the entire galaxy—a raw purity that suddenly reached out to evoke healing and restitution through solely the grasp of her tiny fingers.

And it was with slight amusement and full reverence that Crosshair acknowledged how only a child of Y/N could have such an effect of him.

Hunter felt as he was was intruding on a private moment with the way Crosshair’s entire mood and expression finally shifted; hardened layers peeling back to reveal a raw core of delicate emotions—a demeanor in his vod that Hunter had not witnessed the materialization of in a very long time.

A tiny droplet on the baby’s blanket became the only indication to Crosshair of his emotions now manifested through his glistening eyes.

Worry and anxiety became evident on Hunter’s face as he carefully watched the silent tears now roll down his vod’s cheek and patter against the cloth swaddling his newborn daughter.

He’s crying... Crosshair doesn’t cry... Is he just utterly overwhelmed? Overjoyed? Scared?

Hunter reached out tentatively, unsure of what to do, at a loss for what to say.

Tell me what you need, kih’vod...

“Crosshair? Do you... want me to take her back now—?”

“Hunter,” the sniper choked out, unabashed in his unequivocal bliss. “She is perfect.”

Absolutely perfect.

—Such were the emotions of love and doting magnified upon the addition of another beautiful daughter; proof of Crosshair’s inflated eagerness at Rowena’s arrival evident through the scenario of Wrecker’s form nearly put to the ground as Crosshair practically shoved his way to get to the new baby girl first.

/// *** \\\

“—And he’s just SO nice, great listener, super cute, too—“

“I don’t like him.”

The now thirteen-year-old whipped her head around to regard her Ba’vodu, who nearly lost his grip on the girl’s ebony locks currently under revision of a new hairstyle.

“Uncle Crosshair, you don’t even know him.”

“I don’t have to. If any boy likes my niece, I don’t like him. It’s very simple, love.” Crosshair solidified his terse judgment with a twirl of his finger in signaling Alarasmé to revert to her original position, allowing him resumed access to the back of her head.

The eldest daughter of Hunter grumbled and crossed her arms, complying with Crosshair’s instruction. “You never like any of mine and Rowena’s friends. That’s hardly fair.”

“I don’t play fair, sweetheart. You should know that by now.”

‘Lara simply ignored her stubborn uncle in continuing with her story. “Anyway, so he approached me after a class, and guess what??”

The girl’s enthusiasm was utterly endearing, and her theatrics intrinsically drew a smile out of Crosshair. He decided to humor her.

“What, beautiful Alarasmé?? Enlighten your uncle Crosshair.”

Her barely contained excitement suddenly effervesced in the form of an absolutely delighted squeal that echoed the entirety of space and left a ringing in Crosshair’s ears.

“HE GAVE ME HIS HOLO FREQUENCY!!”

Crosshair was immensely glad Alara’s back poised to him possessed the inability to behold the deep scowl etched into her Uncle’s face in that moment.

But she was practically glowing with elation, and Crosshair wasn’t about to rob her of a childhood exuberance that was so authentically pure and wholesome.

But he couldn’t help himself—you’d think they were the sniper’s own offspring, what with the way he was utterly enamored and obsessively overprotective of his ori’vod’s daughters. Kriff. They were his literal undoing.

Crosshair suddenly emerged to behold two large pools of beautiful brown studying his face, searching for a reaction, silently pleading for his approval.

He swallowed his skepticism and disdain for some stranger, little more than a kid, contending for his niece’s beautiful heart; forcing his most genuine smile in response.

“That’s... really great, ‘Lara. I’m happy for you. Let me know if you want me to kill him.”

“Thanks Ba’vodu—hey, I can kill him myself, thank you very much—“

“Good girl, verd’ika. That’s what I like to hear.” Her assertation became Crosshair’s favorite part of the news; a sense of pride and borderline sadistic satisfaction culminating from her bold reassurance. He made no qualms of obscuring his pleased smirk from the teenager when her own suddenly reflected back at him.

“Awe. Do you feel better now, Ba’vodu?” Her animated expressions thoroughly amused Crosshair, reminding him once again of just how much the young girl favored her father’s personality the older she aged; his physical resemblance even more so.

Crosshair couldn’t get enough of it.

“As a matter of fact, cyar’ika—I do feel much better in knowing the four ex-Super Commandos in your life have done you justice by instilling in you the shameless instruction of kicking someone’s ass whenever needed. Yes.” He allowed a hand to deviate from her hair in playfully stroking her cheek before withdrawing; a sudden realization flickering. “You haven’t actually told your Papa yet, have you? You might want to—”

“No!” ‘Lara’s cry startled Crosshair. “Please don’t tell him—he is the worst and weirdest about this stuff, and Rowena already gives me a hard enough time, as it is!”

So you came to the most critiquing Uncle you have? He bit his tongue to keep from spitting out, recognizing the way that wouldn’t allay her distress.

Deep down, he also knew why both of his former Sergeant’s daughters spent so much of their time consumed with Crosshair—he was a good listener, typically calm and level-headed; not overly rumbustious, prying, or a downright troublemaker like the other men. While the sniper’s abrasive nature remained a steady inherence, his many unique forms of gentle conveyances resonated profoundly with the girls. Without fail, both females came to Crosshair for the deep conversations, always intrigued by their enigmatic Ba’vodu’s wisdom presented through his scope of very unfiltered perspectives. Sniper rifles, late night sweets, and new hairstyles were the focal point of their relationship.

Crosshair would allow himself some leniency—he was a pretty good Uncle.

Though he shifted full credit to their beautiful mother, who initially cultivated Crosshair’s soft refinement so many years ago; her two children further reinforcing that self-growth in the man.

Two children...

It‘s been five years since, but the pain of loss from what would’ve been a third child—a son of Hunter’s that never carried to full term—still heavily bore it’s remnants of poignancy.

It never got any easier to quell the grief.

“Cyar’ika... you have to tell him soon. That stubborn Daddy of yours will find out one way or another.” He chuckled lightly before softening his tone. “You know that.”

A sigh of defeat emitting from the girl tugged at Crosshair’s heart strings as he watched the way her eyes became acquainted with the floor for a long moment; harsh silence uncouth in the act of creating a palpable weight of melancholy to encompass the atmosphere.

An abrupt sound cut deep through disconcertment with the sudden clearing of Crosshair’s throat, an act that signified a redirected topic of conversing between the awkward Uncle and crestfallen teenager.

“Your hair is getting long, Alara.”

That seemed to do the trick, and Crosshair was satiated with the way her brown eyes lit up slightly and expression eased into a relaxed state as the beautiful smile that Crosshair found himself missing made it’s way to her lips once again.

“I know, Papa told me the same thing just this morning.” She stifled a laugh before continuing. “Said he was gonna grow his out even longer so that there would be competition. I told him you were gonna braid it again if he did.”

Crosshair chortled. His ori’vod‘s humor was so outlandish. “And I might just, anyway—what I wouldn’t give to see that again on your old man,” he mused in humored recollection, to which the young girl eagerly obliged in the shared remembrance.

Crosshair no more than withdrew his hands from the stylized hair before Alara’s own fingers instantly flew to splay atop her head in appraisal of the intricately woven locks. Both of Hunter’s daughters were modest in their hairdressing skills, but it was a unanimous agreement between them and their Uncle at an earlier stage that they preferred it this way—‘long chats and endearing head pats’—as the girls liked to call it.

Crosshair leaned back in the chair, analyzing his work in the form of a braided crown adorning the circumference of the girl’s head and spanning from temple-to-temple, before he allowed his own satisfaction to display.

The teenager flashed Crosshair a dazzling smile before her praise followed suit. “Nice work Uncle Cross; you’ve done it again.”

“I aim to please, cyar’ika.”

Crosshair eyed his niece for a long moment as a sense of urgency and obligation began to permeate his stance. Visible confusion danced across Alara’s features as Crosshair’s solemn gaze and hands now resting determinedly on her shoulders instantly perked her attentiveness.

“Alarasmé, I want you to promise me something.”

“Anything.” The resolution in her voice faltered briefly as her head cocked to the side in nonchalant contemplation. “Unless it’s to finally beat Uncle Wrecker in arm wrestling—that’s definitely not gonna happen.” She giggled, and Crosshair quickly matched her humor before continuing in earnest.

“Promise me that you won’t ever let some boy or anyone break your heart. You and Ro are tough, like your momma. But that doesn’t mean you won’t always have four ex-Super Commandos on your side. So also promise me that you’ll never forget how much your family loves you.”

The girl remained silent for a moment in the absorption and intense processing of her Uncle’s heavy requests.

“That’s a lot of promises.”

“Promise me, cyare.”

“OK Ba’vodu—I promise.” She reaches up to swipe at the man’s cheek. “No need to go all soft, ram’ser.”

Ram’ser. Y/N’s favorite term for him.

“Hey, just like I have Papa’s heart, Uncle Wrecker’s, and Uncle Tech’s—” she tenderly continued, splaying a hand across Crosshair’s chest, “—I have yours, too. So mine can’t break when there’s already plenty of hearts to keep it company. Don’t worry.” She pulled the man into a tight hug before retracting and playfully prodding his shoulder, her eyes quick to sparkle with mischief.

“Now take me to the shooting range—I want to nail a target from ten klicks while sporting this hairdo.”

#star wars #Braids and Bavodu’e #Uncle Crosshair #my writing #I’m blessed by Uncle Crosshair #your antics ain’t foolin’ no one ya soft sniping bastard #be blessed by soft Uncle Crosshair #using the tags to spew everything I didn’t want to overflow the A/N section #I’m not crazy about the format... I like my paragraphs a little more spaced out #feels wonky #had to crop a fair amount out with what felt like tons of revision #but I made it work because I was hella determined to fit it all into one narrative #here’s to hoping I hit the sweet spot with the dynamics?#I want to feel so much love and adoration for this work #but editing was uncharacteristically straining on my mental capacity #one can only reread one’s own work so many times in one setting before it starts to make you go stir crazy #I don’t know how to feel.#I think I’m just tired #and writer’s anxiety 👎🏻#maybe I’ll feel different tomorrow #incessant rambling in the tags #hopefully will remember to delete these #it’s a Lil thing

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ktxae · 3 years

Text

Wednesday 17/02/2021

Writing is something I adore.

Under my bed are three huge shopping bags that contain every diary and journal-type notebook from the age of 10 onwards that I hoarded to examine my progress over the years, convinced I would make it onto a bookshelf before I was 16. I’m currently eighteen now and sitting here in my bedroom during a pandemic with little to no money, let alone a book deal, but I still have the joy of seeing a ten year old Kates thoughts on how she was gonna make it big while also bitching bout how her 4th class teacher is a complete monster for making her do long division.

What a simpler time it was.

With Covid, I think it’s very easy to forget the things that brought us that joy, the joy you can only equate to a child learning their passion. And why would we remember? We don’t exactly have anything reminding us of it right now. You turn on the news and you see a new amount of deaths, a new amount of infected. People are out of jobs, children don’t know what is happening with school and their course - here in Ireland we don’t even know if we can sit our final exam that determines us getting into college. A grandparent gets sick, a high risk loved one dies. Those who can’t cope with it have no choice but to stay inside and those who struggle with mental illness have to grit their teeth ad just sit tight through that bad days along with everything else that has been thrown into the mix, and I’m sure the troubles get worse with the worse your position may be.

I can’t speak for everyone, but I know for myself, mentally this has been a struggle. I don’t think anyone who struggles with mental illness finds this period easy, and this is coming from someone who - although struggles with a number of issues - still has certain privileges such as the roof over my head and money to keep myself and my family going at a comfortable pace, something many people with my issues may not have. I’m one of the luckier ones and while I feel like it s very important to recognise the privilege I have, it is also important to acknowledge that this has not been easy on anyone. It’s very unpleasant to feel like the joy has been sucked out of most things in life.

What is my point to all this? Why come on here and state the obvious; that ten year olds write very cringe diary entries and that none of us are Covids number one fan? I think now more than ever, we need that thing that gave us joy, so much joy that we could jump up and down as children. We need our passions, our obsessions because we deserve to take joy in something. I have loved writing since the moment I could pick up a one as a child and despite my cringey diary entries about the ever so dreadful trials and tribulations of 4th class I know I have gotten better. I can see it in everything I write for myself, every essay that a teacher returns to me with a percentage that's just that bit higher than the last test. I see it as I write my girlfriend yet another love letter and see her beam just a bit brighter as she reads it because I have found another word, phrase, quote, comparison to truly capture how much I love her just a little bit better than the last time I tried. I see it when I’m out people watching and I catch a moment between two people that I just ache to write about until I can claw my hands around my pen and attempt to capture the feeling it evoked within me. I see it when I feel myself grow passionate about something, oh so passionate that if I don't let my thoughts pour out of me so much that I just may burst. I know I have gotten better at writing and know I love it with each bit of additional passion and drive to do it I spot within me. And I love it, I absolutely love to write so why not do it during this god awful time?

This blog can be a guilty pleasure for me but I fully intend to exercise my writing abilities on here. I want to keep this for the things I love, the routine I wish to maintain during these difficult times and something I hope others can take joy in too. Lets face it, however guilty this secret pleasure may make me feel, you can’t deny we all want our blog to gain a little attraction. No matter how little though, I will continue to write as I want to do this to maintain whatever little happiness we can squeeze out of the very...unique times Covid has brought upon us, and I recommend you all do the same. Painters; create something beautiful. Singers; belt the notes that send a thrill through your body. Go on that walk you’ve been putting off, tell that person you love them. Because at the end f all of this, I think its safe to say Covid has taught us to appreciate what gives us pure childish joy.

#writer #writeblr #writers on tumblr #spilled thoughts #thoughts #writing blog #blog #study blog #book blog #bookish #my writing #writing

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rahabs · 4 years

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How are you staying active during quarantine? I just tipped into 180lbs, highest I've ever been, and I'm getting really depressed about it 😔 I've only gained about 7-8 pounds due to the quarantine, but back in January I was at 163, and I'm really struggling with the fact that I'm back up again after how hard I've been working. It feel like I can't get the weight to stay off, now esp. (Sorry for the mini rant, but I actually followed you Bc of your fitness posts, I appreciate them a lot

Many hugs to you, Anon, and there is no need to apologise 🖤 You are definitely not alone. I have also been struggling a lot with my weight recently (I have deliberately been putting on muscle, about 25lbs of it, but it is still a struggle to do so and to feel sometimes like my work getting down from 210lbs is being reversed--I am up to 145-150lbs myself, even though I still fit most all of my clothes from when I was 122lbs), but please do not be too hard on yourself! Some of that weight gain might be muscle, but I understand how frustrating and demoralising it can be nonetheless, I really do. Like... I really, really cannot emphasise enough how much I understand and how much I get what you’re going through right now, and I wish with all my heart that you weren’t going through it, because it hurts and it makes you just feel awful and so I am really and truly wishing you all the best right now, but also I have the utmost faith in you and despite the setback it is nothing that you cannot fix going forward 🖤

To answer your question, I’ve been doing a mix of things, but the two biggest things for me are that I built myself a routine, and I try to just walk everywhere that I can. Also, I track in an app called MyFitnessPal, because I need to hold myself accountable. The gyms in my city have recently opened back up and I have usually been going five times a week (reduced capacity and you can only go for an hour, but I use every second of that hour because cardio is how I best manage OCD/PTSD/anxiety, and I love love love seeing some beloved familiar strangers at the gym--we all wave happily to each other, since we tend to book the same time slots 🖤), but before they opened up my biggest friend was just walking. I have a lot of joint issues due to my improperly healed torn hip flexor and my former obesity, so I can’t run, but you don’t need to run. Walking is your best friend. Or even household chores. I used to work for a landscaping company, so when I can I will help with the yardwork (even though I dislike it--I try to find ways to make it more fun, and I genuinely enjoy being out in the sun, so there’s that at least). I make sure things stay tidy, I’ve been writing a lot and trying to see friends when I can, or get out to hike in the mountains. If I go grocery shopping and I’m waiting in a line, sometimes I’ll lazily bicep-curl my grocery bags. I’ll walk to the mailbox, I’ll walk through the neighbourhood, I’ll walk to the grocery store or to the nearest gas station. My dogs are old so I cannot walk them anymore, especially since we are under a heat wave, but I’ll get up and play with them. Bottom line: if I could find somewhere to walk and an excuse to walk there, I would. When I couldn’t, I would sit down and exercise by following my favourite home workout YouTube channel. (Seriously, she is amazing; I’ve followed her for years, since her channel was just starting out. I just got a half-sleeve tattoo and cannot use a lot of gym equipment at the moment so I have gone back to her videos, as she provides a lot of modifications and alternatives and just so many good at-home exercises that you don’t need any fancy equipment for.)

The routine is the most important part, though. I need structure, and if I have structure I find that I am less likely to binge, because my brain won’t freak out as much (whether out of boredom or something else).

You might know this already but I’m a (recovering) binge-eater and I also eat when bored or stressed, so I’ve just been trying to occupy myself with things other than food. I had a really bad spot for awhile where I was doing really, really poorly in that department an binged every day, but I finally put my foot down last week and this is the longest that I’ve been binge-free in months. I also have BDD, which I am working on (hard going when my attempts to ask the people around me for help often fall on deaf ears).

I think it’s important to realise that fitness and weight loss isn’t always linear. There will be times where you falter and stumble and when that happens it’s important not to punish yourself--instead just accept and acknowledge that it’s happened and adapt for the future. Like a little AAA battery! Bodies are also weird, and sometimes they react to things strangely. I’m not a professional in any way, but since working to put on some muscle I have noticed that women’s bodies at least like... they are strange things sometimes. And I know it sounds weird, but try not to put too much emphasis on a number on the scale. I’m not saying “get rid of the scale!” or “smash the scale!” or anything silly like that because I think to some people having the scale is really important, so long as it doesn’t become something obsessive you fixate on (I have severe OCD, professionally diagnosed, so easier said than done, but it’s doable by adding it to the routine and picking one day a week where I check in), but make sure it doesn’t become a focal point of your weight loss.

Instead, just notice how your clothes are fitting. If you have body tape, you can use that too. Pick a favourite pair of jeans and just see how they fit over time, or a favourite bra, or something that doesn’t stretch as easily as yoga pants. Again, some of your recent weight gain might actually be muscle mass, especially if you aren’t noticing a lot of change in how your clothes from January fit. When I first hit 145lbs when I was first losing the weight, I didn’t look like I do at my current 145-150lbs, after having got down to 120 and then making the decision to put some muscle back on. Save for some jean shorts that I bought at my lowest weight, because I build thick muscles in my thighs, I still fit all the clothes I bought and wore at 120lbs--including my fitted dresses, my Stampede jeans, most of my bras, and the pair of “check Lulus” I bought because those things are without mercy. I also have a couple really good friends I check in with who know me and who I can trust to tell me the truth when I cannot perceive it myself. And, when I’m being honest with it (which I am trying really hard to be again), I have MyFitnessPal, which has been with me through thick and thin.

If you can, I would recommend a good fitness tracker, too. Fitbit is really good and user-friendly. I have a Garmin now, because Fitbit doesn’t make adult watches or watch bands small enough for my ridiculous baby bird wrists, but I had my Fitbit for years before that and it saw me through the vast majority of my weight loss/fitness quest. It can be very helpful to just help you gauge where you are; most people grossly overestimate how active they actually are, and if you’re up for it, a tracker can be helpful in giving you empirical data from which you can base some better decisions around.

And just do you best to stay active. I do not know if you have any gyms where you live or if they’re open, but I would really recommend getting a membership, though I totally understand that gyms are not for everyone. If not, I really do recommend checking out that youtube channel I linked (Koboko Fitness), and just doing your best to walk wherever there’s the option to walk (and it won’t cause undue hardship/pain/etc). Lift some boxes around the house. Turn doing the dishes into a stretching exercise. If you’re familiar with yoga, do yoga (I do not because I am not familiar with it and it can be dangerous to people like me with joint issues to start if you don’t have anyone around who can tell you if you’re doing it right, but my younger sister is working on a cert and she does yoga daily, even with the baby bump). Many gyms are offering online classes right now too, including the gyms I go to (GoodLife Fitness in Canada), so they can be worth checking out too!

But also just know you’re not in that boat alone. Many people are struggling right now, including myself, so if you ever need to chat my inbox and my DMs are always open (and I can toss my Discord handle out too if that helps), because a support system can really make all the difference. I never had one for the longest time, and so when I fell back on old, bad habits it took me awhile to pull myself out of it (again). I really can talk about this forever but I will stop myself now because I am a chatty cathy but! Please feel free to send messages whenever you want, Anon, and please be kind to yourself! I know it’s scary and I know it’s disappointing because I have been there many a time but you can do this, I believe in you! You’ve had a setback but it isn’t anything that can’t be fixed/corrected and I have faith that you will be able to get back on the proverbial horse and mow down Alexander’s armies in a way that would make the Achaemenids proud 🖤 I hope this helped in some way and that I was able to answer your question!

#weight loss #fitness #long post #text #mens sana in corpore sano #ed mention #ed for cw #anonym #ask #reply

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deadcactuswalking · 4 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 31/10/2020 (Ariana Grande, KSI, Little Mix)

I haven’t heard that Ariana Grande album yet as of writing this but the lead single – and title track – “positions” has just debuted at #1 on the UK Singles Chart, her seventh song to hit the top and second this year after “Rain on Me” with Lady Gaga. Hence, that’s today’s #1 and we have a busy and pretty chaotic week of new arrivals. Welcome to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

A lot of their debuts from last week were completely wiped out on this week’s chart which surprises me, especially for songs I thought would hit it big like “One More Time” by Not3s and AJ Tracey. Our notable dropouts here range from bonafide smash hits like “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek, which hit #1, although I always preferred “Swoosh” from the same album, to pretty easy and quick fall outs from songs I’ve reviewed in the past few weeks. We’ve got songs that peaked in the top 10 like “Rover” by S1mba and DTG and “I Dunno” by Dutchavelli, Tion Wayne and Stormzy but otherwise that’s mostly it as a lot of these drop-outs are just songs that didn’t really reach their charting potential or have mostly had their day in streaming, like the surprisingly quick drop for “my ex’s best friend” by Machine Gun Kelly and blackbear, as well as “Destiny” by D-Block Europe, “Tap In” by Saweetie, “FRANCHISE” by Travis Scott, Young Thug and M.I.A., “OK Not to Be OK” by Marshmello and Demi Lovato, “Airplane Mode” by Nines and NSG and even “Outta Time” by Bryson Tiller and Drake. If you’re worried about the loss of MGK’s song being too soon for whatever reason, don’t fret as “forget me too” with Halsey, a much better song, is here at #72, our only returning entry for the week. I might as well run through the biggest gains and falls, those both being last week’s debuts. “Train Wreck” by James Arthur absolutely surged up to #24 whilst “Hold” by Chunkz and Young Filly absolutely purged down to #59. To be fair to the general public, I think I’d rather listen to something from four years ago than that song as well. Anyway, let’s start our new arrivals with a couple really interesting choices...

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “Sofia” – Clairo

Produced by Rostam

Clairo is one of those artists where I feel completely out of the loop on, especially with all the recent buzz from TikTok, and I was not checking for that album last year, and whilst I didn’t mind her feature on Wallows’ “Are You Bored Yet”, I’d never been intrigued enough to check out the solo work until I guess here we see it on the chart, which is big for the genre of bedroom pop, which again I know next to nothing about. Now, I like lo-fi indie rock fine, but I’ve never really tried to look into the bedroom pop micro-genre – if anyone has any recommendations, that would be appreciated – so this will pretty much be a first gaze into not just Clairo but the entire scene surrounding her. I’m not a Vampire Weekend fan by any means but Rostam on production just give me hope, even if the mix here is a bit too drowned in reverb and echo to give the guitars any more impact when they really should have, at least I think so, they’re pushed back in a way that makes an already pretty calm, fleeting indie single even more lacking sonically. Clairo sounds great on this instrumentation, admittedly, albeit kind of uninterested, but it really is about that fuzzy distortion in the drop that feels... oddly anti-climactic and seemingly pointless considering how little progression is made before or after it. Maybe this genre just isn’t for me, but I feel myself turned off from how Clairo’s pretty beautiful vocal harmonies are not reflected by the production here, whether it be the stiff percussion, abrupt ending or overall lack of substance. This is kind of disappointing as I really wanted to like this. The song is a pretty vague but longing ballad mostly revolving around her crushes on people she saw in the mind, particularly Sofia Vergara and Sofia Coppola, hence the name, and I think it’s actually really well-written. I especially love how the chorus seems to acknowledge that not only are these crushes clearly out of her reach as a teenage girl just discovering her sexuality but also mentioning how afraid she is to really develop on any of these feelings because of how it’s prejudiced against and in some countries outlawed, but the song easily works as just a confession of love without really realising the statement, so it doesn’t feel forced or unnecessary. Sadly, I guess Rostam had to put his prints on this one, but the song itself isn’t bad at all. Hey, I’m not going to complain about a song where I can look at pictures of Sofia Coppola for “research”.

#74 – “All Girls are the Same” – Juice WRLD

Produced by Nick Mira

It’s so odd and kind of heartbreaking to see the Genius comments for this track where they say Juice is “up next for 2018”. It’s also pretty amusing to see some of these annotations...

God, I love Genius.com. This is a 2017 Juice WRLD track from the late rapper that was released as a single from his debut album, Goodbye & Good Riddance. I don’t really understand why this had a resurgence – again, I’m going to assume TikTok or some kind of remix – but it is funny to see a bitter, immature and sloppily-written song about heartbreak and how “all girls are the same” next to a lesbian love ballad on the chart... and above said ballad because we clearly live in a society. I’m not going to mince words here: this is a pretty bad song, at least in my opinion. All respect to Juice but he’s clearly not on top form here, with an uninterested and badly-mixed vocal delivery over a really dull, jingly trap beat with awful bass mastering. In fact, the whole song is mixed awfully and sounds really muddy which may have been the point but it doesn’t complement Juice at all. The lyrics here are purposefully immature and at times stupid, especially when he compares himself to John Lennon and is so desperate for a rhyme the dude says this unnamed girl is from Colorado. I’m not going to deny some of the lyrics here are kind of haunting now due to tragic circumstances but I still get a chuckle out of the vocoder on his voice after massive empty spaces in both the beat and vocal track that makes the song sound clearly amateurish (to be fair to Juice, he clearly didn’t have access to the best studio equipment but it doesn’t excuse the major-label streaming release sounding this sloppy), as well as that opening line.

Broke my heart, oh, no, you didn’t!

Yeah, I’ll take “Robbery” over this any day, or even “Righteous”. Sorry.

#73 – “Martin & Gina” – Polo G

Produced by Hagan, Lilkdubb and Tahj Money

It seems we have two melancholy trap-rappers from Chicago appear consecutively on the chart. I love those types of oddities. If you don’t know Polo G, you probably should, at least from his hit “Pop Out” with Lil Tjay last year, and this is his most recent hit. I typically find his brand of mournful Auto-Tuned crooning about life on the streets remarkably genuine in comparison to most rappers but also admittedly really boring, at least for now. I can see this guy becoming a lot bigger and better but as of now he releases so much music and the quality and effort seems to fall by the wayside more often than not. In typical 2000s bling-rap fashion, this hardcore street rapper’s biggest hit from the album The GOAT (perhaps a bit early to call there, Mr. G) is a guitar-based R&B love jam for the ladies, except it’s not a sex jam...

Girl, I can’t wait ‘til I get home to f*** the s*** out of you

Okay, well, that’s one line.

Man, I’m tryin’ to get to know you sexually

Okay, but at least he’s trying to get to know her. The song’s lyrics do have a genuine heartfelt sense of love and companionship with his unnamed woman, and some of these lyrics are pretty funny and pleasant, albeit shallow. I love how in the first verse he says that even on her worst days she still looks “kind of cute”, in a way that makes this song more down to Earth than other thugs-need-love-too songs, especially when he acknowledges the troubles in their relationship, which may be undermined by the unfortunate implications that come with that “Martin & Gina” comparison but that’s really not the focus of the song, even if it is the title. He may talk about the shopping sprees now but there is evidence here that Polo G genuinely wants to live his life with this woman, especially when he says he wants them to move out to California and live in a mansion. There’s flexing there for sure but it’s less out of a desire to sound “cooler” than the other rappers or the audience, and more out of a desire to make the most out of this relationship in case, as he knows he might have to, he should “pull the stick out and shoot” to protect her. It helps that this is a damn good song with Polo’s catchy flow in both the verses and that infectious chorus, as well as a really slick guitar lick behind that trap knock. Yeah, this is pretty great. Check it out.

#71 – “Spicy” – Ty Dolla $ign featuring Post Malone

Produced by Ty Dolla $ign, Westen Weiss and damn james!

It seems that Ty Dolla $ign has finally clocked that people like him for his features and not his solo work as he has released his most recent album fittingly named Featuring Ty Dolla $ign, following a trend of recent massive collaborative albums in pop music. This particular album features the likes of Kid Cudi, Kanye West (twice), Anderson .Paak, Nicki Minaj, Big Sean, Future, Young Thug, FKA twigs because, well, sure, and obviously, Post Malone. I haven’t listened to the album yet, I mean it sounds exhausting but I don’t necessarily like what I’ve heard. “Expensive” with Nicki Minaj is soulless, “Ego Death” with Skrillex, Kanye and FKA twigs is chaotically misguided and a massive disappointment, “Track 6” with Kanye, .Paak and Thundercat is way too boring for these four artists, and that’s all I’ve heard, except that “Dr. Sebi” interlude with Young Thug that I thought was actually pretty damn good for a one minute snippet. I did brief through some songs on the album right now as I was writing this and I wasn’t really a fan of any of it, not even the songs with Future and Young Thug, artists I actually really like. The song with Kid Cudi was pretty amazing though, which I pretty much expected, I mean it is Cudi after all and he’s really felt revived this year, even if he feels out of place on a sex song. The serpentwithfeet interlude definitely adds to that song though, and it actually leads into this track with Post Malone. This is their second collaboration after their #1 hit “Psycho”, but it’s a lot less interesting, replacing the serenity and smooth flows with more fast-paced trap skitters, hit-and-miss flows that only make Ty$ sound all that great in the tail-end of his verse. Post’s verse is out of place and feels like a regression for him, with the verse sounding like it was taken straight out of the Stoney sessions. The guys have no chemistry and Post doesn’t even contribute to a final chorus, which feels particularly odd as there’s not a bridge to round any of this out properly as it just transitions awkwardly to the sixth track, titled “Track 6”. At least Ty$ isn’t facing 15 years in jail for cocaine possession now, which is something I brought up a disproportionate amount of times in older episodes of this show, because, well, sure.

#69 – “Whoopty” – CJ

Produced by Pxcoyo

CJ is an “up-and-coming” rapper with only one song that pretty quickly went viral. There’s something fishy about this. The only other song by CJ on Spotify and I assume other streaming services is this CashmoneyAP-produced trap song called “On Me” that is completely garbage. It does sound pretty odd that while he doesn’t sound dissimilar in “Whoopty”, this uninterested Auto-Tuned mumbler took three years to get another song on streaming and now he’s an energetic New York rapper using a beat that was literally uploaded to the producer’s website as a “Pop Smoke type beat” weeks before “Whoopty” was released, which, by the way, was an immediate viral hit on YouTube. Very strange, very unusual but not very worth talking about as the one thing “On Me” and “Whoopty” have in common is lack of quality. Sure, I like the Indian sample but it’s quickly drowned out by the booming 808s and pretty rote drill beat. Somehow, CJ sounds too energetic and excited to the point where he’s out of place on a beat this menacing. He sounds like a joke made by a record label to create some kind of popular generic drill track and it does not help that there’s a single verse, with part of it repeated as a bridge, and two repetitions of the same over-long chorus. When Pop Smoke rapped over beats, he was aggressive, sure, but had a smoky voice and a lot more charisma than this flat tonal sandpaper CJ brings to the table. It’s almost offensive to Pop Smoke’s legacy that this was rapped over his “type beat”.

#57 – “SO DONE” – The Kid LAROI

Produced by Omar Fedi and Khaled Rohaim

I figured I’d have to talk about this guy at some point, well, what better time than in the midst of a lot of mediocre American hip hop, although this isn’t American, rather it’s actually an Aussie at it this time, with this 17-year-old kid propped up by Internet Money and Lyrical Lemonade and mentored by the late Juice WRLD. This kid really likes capital letters, and naturally I listened to his last hit “GO!” with his mentor Juice... and, yeah, it’s not good. That hook is stupidly infectious – and the pre-chorus is actually more so – but his delivery is obnoxious and unconvincing, especially in comparison to Juice on the same song. Man, I wish that entire song was as good as its pre-chorus. Anyway, this is a new song, not taken from his debut mixtape aptly and rather politely titled F*** LOVE. It uses an unorthodox ukulele loop as its main sample but once again I’m not a fan of this guy’s immature delivery. Maybe in a few years this Kid LAROI will sound less like a Kid LAROI and more like a genuine rapper but right now he is just barely keeping on beat with a jangly pop beat that would sound really interested if accentuated by the right rapper but here it doesn’t work at all. I do actually appreciate some of the lyrics here, even if they are repetitive and vague. Hey, at least they’re family-friendly PG clean for the most part so he’ll get that radio push, but it’s not like it’s matters here in the UK. I’m sure this lad is the hottest thing to come from Australia this year... okay, well, maybe the second hottest – but I’m not a fan, even if some of these melodies are promising. In fact, I really like some of his ideas, especially in the chorus, I just think that tragically, Juice could have done them more justice than this Kid LAROI ever could. Sorry.

#47 – “Bad Guy” – Morrisson and Loski

Produced by BKay and Harry James

Duh. Okay, so these are both UK drill rappers who I’m not very familiar with although I’ve heard of Loski before. Morrisson is a complete unknown to me. They’re both from London, as one would expect. Is the song any good? Well, I do like that chopped violin sample but Morrisson is only vaguely convincing when he claims to know Vinnie Jones and to be Stone Cold Steve Austin, and when he mentions getting “white-boy wasted” with a woman sniffing coke, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but that’s actually the point. I mean, the chorus says this:

You need people like me so you can point your f***ing fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy”

The issue here is I’m not convinced. Morrisson’s double-tracked vocals aren’t intimidating or menacing and are mostly overshadowed by a pretty great beat. His delivery is also something I’m not a fan of and while I can’t say he’s uninterested or not putting his all into it, it just sounds weak, especially when pitted against this beat. Loski is here too, but he doesn’t add much to the “bad guy” idea, especially when he starts talking about The Simpsons and Family Guy. Not Mr. Burns or even that angry chicken that fights Peter, just Stewie, Brian, Bart and Homer. Admittedly, “shell out the whip like Mario Kart” is a pretty fun line and I appreciate his flow more than Morrisson’s... but, yeah, I’m not really a fan. I like the concept but it misses the mark on execution.

#44 – “Golden” – Harry Styles

Produced by Kid Harpoon and Tyler Johnson

So this is the opening track to Styles’ sophomore effort, Fine Line, an album I thought was mildly entertaining pop rock at best and lazy, absolutely worthless trite at worst. I don’t mind Styles’ take on classic 70’s pop and glam rock but I’ve also never found it interesting, and the songs are at times disjointed and at most times just plain boring. I understand I’m probably alone in this but I really disliked this album and I’m not excited that he’s pushing yet another single. The beeping keys that start the song are immediately met with the crash of a drum beat that sounds as flat as Harry’s singing in that obnoxious, sloppy intro refrain. The verse is equally as awkward, with the song lacking in any kind of substance other than that one line of “You’re so golden” which has been overly annotated by fans on Genius to mean a lot more than it does and should. It’s a confession of love but unlike “Sofia”, there’s very little to grab onto in terms of compassion for the singer and I quickly lose interest in what little story there is to the track. The bridge with the high-pitched guitar squealing and squeaky pitch-shifted murmuring is over and done with as slowly as possible and that refrain of nonsense vocalisations just continues without fear or even self-awareness of how annoying it is. This is probably ultimately harmless but it annoys the hell out of me and whilst I predict success for the track, I really hope against it as I absolutely do not like this at all.

#39 – “Teadrops” – Bring Me the Horizon

Produced by Jordan Fish and Oliver Sykes

Yes, that Bring Me that Horizon. Yes, the metalcore band. At least they used to be metalcore and definitely on that heavier side of Kerrang!-core, but what I’m more amazed by is how they continue to ditch the sound and continue to get bigger as they do so. After 14 years, you’d think these guys would stop getting Top 40 hits – hell, the only other hit they had before 2020 was “Drown” – but this is their third this year! I’ll admit I’m not really up to speed on Bring Me the Horizon – I listened to their last record (which was just fine but honestly probably worth listening to for “wonderful life” alone) but not this EP that the singles have been from, and definitely not their older stuff. For the sake of REVIEWING THE CHARTS, however, I did listen to their earlier singles – you can’t say I don’t do much for this show – and I’m overall not really sure on how to feel about this stuff. I still like “Drown” – and always have – but I’ve never been too big on metalcore so I’m actually surprised how much I really enjoyed the Linkin Park rip on “Sleepwalking” (which I’m impressed I remembered the chorus for). I remember liking the practically nightcore track “ouch” and, yeah, it still slaps. Some tracks are very heavy on the electronic, and “Can You Feel My Heart” is reliant on that vocaloid drop, about two years before that became the norm in pop. Just from a skim of their biggest singles, I’m honestly kind of a fan, especially “Throne”, even if I feel like the EDM influences just kind of go nowhere. Also, none of this screams “metalcore” to me but I don’t know, these guys seem to change their style a lot with the only thing staying consistent being Oliver Sykes, and his tone that shifts between nasal pop-punk-style crooning and chopped-up Auto-Tune growling. I talked to a friend about them and they like their earlier stuff mostly, although he “wouldn’t recommend” their debut album to anybody at all. Another friend said he refuses to listen to their music based on the pretentious title of their third record and honestly I think that’s a pretty fair decision. This song sounds like pretty standard BMTH, or at least from what I can gather from the singles and the formula they follow. It starts with a funky and cute, chirpy electronic groove before it’s drowned out by heavier drums and heavy metal guitar riffs, but this time said electronic groove is less integral to the instrumental and the shift to a funkier bassline in the verse might honestly be for the best, although I do love the way the instrumental is chopped up a bit at the end of each repetition of the chorus. It makes the song sound a lot more unique and even if it sounds just as 2012 as their 2012 stuff, I honestly think that’s fine, especially with that abrupt sharp contrast of his raspy yelling over breakbeats quickly followed by some crooning with light piano backing, which may make the song feel messy or structurally disjointed but honestly it works for the chaotic tone of the track and the angst that is presented in the lyrics. Also, although I haven’t evaluated this band since I watched a couple videos on Kerrang!, this feels oddly nostalgic. Huh. Some additional musings: That falsetto Sykes hits in the chorus is great. My friend said that he couldn’t finish the last album they put out which isn’t a good sign but to be fair to them it was an hour-long IDM record, because, well, sure. I’ve written way too much about Bring Me the bloody Horizon at this point so I’ll just move on but I’ll make sure to check out some of their stuff after this.

#37 – “Loading” – Central Cee

Produced by HARGO

Now back to normality, at least I think so. This is another UK drill artist I’ve never heard of. I like this beat, especially that sample of the horns that I’m surprised wasn’t found by crate-digging but it works pretty well under the drill beat; it sounds like a menacing “gangster” song, especially because of how that sample reminds me of 1930s Chicago. I’m not good on my American (or gang) history so that might be nonsense but you know what I mean, right? Black-and-white footage of men in suits gambling whilst women surround them and they all got their money from drug trafficking and they send out hits. Something like that, I don’t know. The song is kind of boring though, this Cee guy has zero charisma and the references to COVID make this immediately dated (not that this song is lyrically all that interesting anyway), and by two minutes the beat has run its course and just starts getting annoying. Yeah, not much to say about this one at all, but it could have been better.

#8 – “Sweet Melody” – Little Mix

Produced by Peoples, MNEK, Morten “Rissi” Ristorp, Oliver Frid and Tayla Parx

I wonder if now that I listened to Bring Me the Horizon for half an hour straight that the last four songs all sound worse, or at least less interesting, in comparison. Well, I doubt that really, I think these songs will just end up being less interesting. I mean, five separate producers on a simple three-minute pop track? This’ll be as market-tested and manufactured as possible, as one would expect from Little Mix. I didn’t mind their last couple promo singles but this song seems to have some actual traction and even a high-budget video behind it and hence it debuted as high as #8. Well, is it any good? Well, it’s no 2013 Bring Me the Horizon, that’s for sure. Jokes aside, the nonsense vocal refrain is kind of awkward and the R&B production here is kind of minimal and just... off, particularly in the first verse and refrain, where the singing and hard 808 is met with only accompaniment from one stray snare that is just... there? The drop doesn’t feel like it has a proper build-up either, and doesn’t even feel like it lives up to that non-existent tension. I do love the harmonies towards the end of the track and the “he would lie, he would cheat over syncopated beats” line is kind of a bar, I suppose, but yeah, this production is awkward and I’m not sure if it really does the girls’ talent justice. I would have preferred something more dramatic and with more of a climax than the skittering hi-hats and vaguely dancehall-inspired bass grooves, but alas, here we are with a pretty mediocre, uninteresting track, which wasn’t exactly unexpected.

#3 – “Really Love” – KSI featuring Craig David and Digital Farm Animals

Produced by Digital Farm Animals and Mojam

Ah, the trio we all didn’t know we wanted but definitely deserved(?): YouTuber KSI, legendary R&B singer Craig David and a couple virtual elephants. KSI is more than a YouTuber or prankster now to be fair to the guy, with songs like “Lighter” he has cemented himself as a genuine pop star and not in the way that songs used to get viral or even back in 2017 with Jake Paul. KSI is taking this stuff seriously and having fun with it, and, hey, he beat up Logan Paul once or twice so I guess I respect the man to some extent. I’m honestly surprised he got Craig David to be on the song with him. I mean KSI may be popular but I never put much thought into his music or even think it’s any good although the song has clearly debuted this high for a reason. Craig David has a janky hook that just plopped onto the track for a chorus and bridge, with pretty generic lyrics about love, which KSI develops on in some oddly specific ways. He’ll buy this woman Amazon Prime – I hope you enjoy the Borat sequel, guys – and she’ll “wreck his balls like Miley”. Classy. Honestly, the song is mostly fine – KSI’s flow is kind of awkward and stiff still but it’s a lot smoother than it usually is and he does deliver a pretty convincing performance here, as does Craig David, who sounds as great as he did 20 years ago over this groovy house instrumental, with a great bassline that really does fit Craig David more than it does KSI. The trap breakdown is pretty well done as well, which surprised me as I assumed the song would lose all momentum afterwards but, no, it keeps on chugging. This is listenable and far from bad but it’s mostly just a serviceable pop tune. I have no issue with this sticking around as it probably will. Now for the big one:

#1 – “positions” – Ariana Grande

Produced by TBHits, Mr. Frank and London on da Track

Man, I’ve just reviewed 12 songs, I do not feel like talking about the biggest and most important one now. Well, maybe it’s not that and instead the fact that I have this conflict with Grande’s music where someone so unbelievably and obviously talented sounds so incredibly disinterested in the songwriting and production, to the point where her performance is irrelevant. Sure, sweetener and thank u, next had their highs but the former is a complete mess and the latter feels so dull and oddly characterless. Again, these albums aren’t all bad but I feel like they’re still so rushed and infuriatingly so, with Grande having very little involvement, or at least it sounds like that in these albums. Regardless of how much she contributes to each record, it always comes out the other end sounding impersonal, so I’m actually glad she dropped the pretence and is now just doing purely sexy R&B stuff. I haven’t listened to the full album yet but with song titles like “34+35”, I can kind of expect what I’m going into here. That said, I’m not really a big fan of the title track and lead single here, although I can understand why it debuted at #1. Firstly, the video where she becomes the President of the United States for practically no reason is great. Secondly, the beat is pretty good and produced by London on da Track, who I’m kind of disappointed didn’t put his producer tag here. It would have at least been kind of funny hearing it transition into Grande’s sweet whispery vocal tone. I like the slick trap percussion, cricket sound effects and that chirpy guitar pluck, and especially those strings in the second pre-chorus which sound genuinely awesome. Ariana’s a great performer but the chorus is kind of weak, especially lyrically – I don’t mind the opening and main line about switching positions, hell, it’s kind of clever, but “I’m in the Olympics the way I’m jumping through hoops”? Really? The bridge is also pretty short and lazy; I feel like it could have actually been done away with or put as an intro and would have worked just as well replacing the second chorus with that final chorus, background whistle notes and all. That said, the song is a solid lead single and I am kind of excited to hear the rest of the album, even if this is at least somewhat of a retread.

Conclusion

What a mixed bag. I’m generally pleased with what we have here though and I am going to give Best of the Week to “Teadrops” by Bring Me the Horizon with an Honourable Mention to Polo G for “Martin & Gina”, although Clairo would have gotten close without Rostam on the boards. There’s nothing all that bad here except “Golden” by Harry Styles which does get an easy Worst of the Week, with a Dishonourable Mention to CJ’s “Whoopty” for just being lazy. Here’s this week’s “spooky” top 10 – it is Halloween after all:

You can follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for political ramblings if you so wish but I wouldn’t recommend it, especially if you like Keir Starmer, but all politics aside, thank you for reading this far and I’ll see you next week.

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webcomixwastaken · 5 years

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Okay, so I'm currently reading Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen... while it's not perfect (but hey, nothing is!), it's exactly what I want.

A magical family who grow up in a beautiful, old house with a magical apple tree. Two sisters, one who runs from this reputation but has now meandered home, and one who stayed and embraced her fate wholeheartedly but along with it, loneliness. Sisters who are gonna work things out and help the other, even if they don’t understand each other. Quiet and observant daughter/niece. A kooky old auntie. Charming artist neighbour who immediately falls in love with one of them. Lots of baking and descriptions of food. MAGICAL APPLE TREE!!

(Warning: comparison to The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender under the cut. Spoiler: I didn’t like it, though I wanted to which is why I REALLY didn’t like it. But a lot of gushing over Garden Spells.)

It’s basically delivering to me what I had HOPED to find in The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender (which I had mixed feelings throughout my reading of it, like truly up and down until it veered right into “what the fuck, no I hate this” at the end). Because this story has the similar vibe of a female-fronted family burdened with unique abilities that have led them to mess up their relationships, but Garden Spells doesn’t have that... defeated tone for most of the book, the weary “we just need to weather our curse and trudge through all this shit fate throws at us”. I really appreciate that the Waverley sisters are more proactive in working towards their goals -- which, I will acknowledge, might be because it’s firmly categorised as an adult book and they are also clearly adults at 28/34 years of age where as Ava Lavender is considered YA (...though the title character doesn’t even get born until 50% through, GAH sorry, I need to stop griping about this book that disappointed me). This adult age also gives them both a stronger sense of self-awareness that makes me enjoy reading about them more. No pining after a guy who impregnated you IMMEDIATELY after introducing you to his fiance who he got engaged to while pretending you guys were still long distance. Oh, I really hated Vivienne’s arc in Ava Lavender. It’s realistic, but I hated it.

The only thing I’m wary about right now is the depiction of Garden Spells’s antagonists. There are two, a mother-daughter duo in which the mom is clearly a straight-up awful bitch, but the daughter is given a closer POV and some insight into her psyche. It indicates that she has always been manipulated by said mother and their own family’s social reputation -- she is not a nice person but I would like to see where the author goes with this. Personally, I hope for a moment where she can face who she is/what she’s done and have a moment of realising that she doesn’t need to continue being like this. Like, a distant hope for becoming a better person. Some day. Just a seed. I’m a sap like that.

Sorry, can I say one more time how I LOVE this magic system? Certain ingredients = tastes that bring certain windfalls whether it’s love or guilt or social clout or enlightenment... and then Claire goes and cooks them into mouth-watering and beautiful sounding food. Even people who know like, just a teeny bit what I’m about know immediately that THIS IS FOR ME. FLOWER FOOD MAGIC, YES!

THIS BOOK IS COSY COTTAGECORE MAGIC REALISM AND IT’S 100% UP MY ALLEY.

I’m not done reading it yet, but when I do I really hope I can recommend!!

#Garden Spells #Sarah Addison Allen #books #Comix rambles

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hale-of-stiles-heart · 5 years

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for a kiribaku prompt idea: bakugo cooking a meal for kirishima as an apology after a fight?

Sorry for the long wait! This was so much fun to write (partially because it was a fun excuse to curse so much)! Also on ao3!

This is such fucking bullshit, Bakugo cursed to himself, flinging his headphones aside in favor of flopping down on his bed with an exaggerated huff. Grunting, he folded his arms over his chest and glared up at the ceiling, refusing to feel bad.

Why the hell should he? It wasn't his fucking fault other people were so obsessed with their stupid fucking feelings. They needed to pull their heads out of their asses and join the real world. Right?

He and Kirishima had gotten into a fight. While that wouldn't typically be any cause for concern — they were sparring partners, after all — this time their fight hadn't been physical. It hadn't been part of a training exercise or their extracurricular battle practice, hadn't been for their new internships.

No, it had been a purely verbal fight. A full-blown, knock-down drag-out between two boyfriends. And it had fucking sucked.

They had just been hanging out with each other after class as per the new tradition they had established once they had started dating, sprawled out on Bakugo's floor together with their backs propped up against his bed. They had long since finished their homework at Bakugo's insistence and had moved on to watching old reruns of All Might movies; the ones with cheesy dialogue and horrible CGI.

During a lull in the action on screen, in which the actor playing All Might was flirting with the movie's love interest, Kirishima had reached over to lay his hand Bakugo's. Bakugo had glanced at Kirishima out of the corner of his eye, wondering what the hell he was up to.

As the action picked back up, Bakugo had continued watching the movie, not bothering to waste his breath on Kirishima's weird desire to be so tactile all the fucking time. That is, until Kirishima had tried intertwining their fingers while resting his head on Bakugo's shoulder.

Bakugo had immediately snapped at him, yanking his hand out of reach for good measure. Kirishima had been taken aback, gaping at Bakugo and demanding to know what the hell his problem was.

Rather than explain himself, Bakugo had resorted to his usual reaction upon being questioned. He had launched into a tirade full of profanity and expletive-loaded insults, telling Kirishima to stop being so fucking clingy and just fuck off for once.

Okay, admittedly, he may have overreacted. But he wasn't good with touch, he never had been.

His mom had never been very physically affectionate, even when he was a little kid. Her preferred method of expressing affection was slugging him on the arm or pinching his cheeks.

His dad, on the other hand, was more like Kirishima. He was a toucher. He was a fan of big bear hugs and cuddling and random little touches like ruffling Bakugo's hair or holding his wife's hand as they watched their soap operas.

But even with his dad's tendency towards physical affection, Bakugo had never been able to receive much of it. With their Quirks capable of interacting in potentially hazardous ways, Bakugo's dad had always been wary of too much contact.

Somehow that had managed to result in a grumpy sixteen year old who was constantly toeing the line between being staunchly averse to touch and absolutely craving it. So when Kirishima touched him so casually, like it was so natural, his confused reactions resulted in a time bomb of frustration and irritability.

A time bomb that honed in on Kirishima as its victim.

Usually ridiculously patient with Bakugo's foul moods, Kirishima had stood and stormed out of the room to return to own right next door. The resounding slam of both doors in quick succession had echoed throughout the floor with an air of finality that left Bakugo even more frustrated.

But Bakugo refused to feel bad about it. Even if Kirishima had looked like a kicked puppy the moment Bakugo had pulled his hand away. Even if he had been the one to put that horrible look on his face.

Alright, so maybe Bakugo felt a little bad about it. Just a little bit.

After all, it wasn't like Kirishima had done anything wrong. All he had done was try to hold Bakugo's hand; it wasn't his fault Bakugo was a touch-averse garbage fire.

Bouncing between feeling totally justified in his reaction and feeling like a complete and utter piece of shit, Bakugo had spent the following three hours trying to keep himself distracted. He had gone from finishing the All Might movie to playing his favorite violent video games to doing some pushups to listening to the loudest, angriest music he could find on Spotify.

But without fail, his thoughts kept wandering back to Kirishima and dejected look on his face when Bakugo had snapped at him. He was probably in his own room right now, replaying everything in his head and finding new ways to blame himself for Bakugo's shitty attitude.

Shit, Bakugo had really fucked up, hadn't he? Why the hell couldn't he be a normal fucking boyfriend? One who didn't get upset over the dumbest shit and go off on diatribes at the drop of a hat?

"Fuck," Bakugo breathed, abruptly sitting up. He really needed to make this better.

But he wasn't good at this kind of stuff. He didn't know how to resolve arguments, he only knew how to start them. And he'd never bothered to actually make up with anyone after a fight. He had no idea how.

Yet Bakugo was nothing if not determined to a fault. He was going to figure out how to make this better even if it killed him.

Leaving his room, he made a beeline to the elevator, jabbing the ground floor button with more force than strictly necessary. The elevator ride seemed longer than usual without Kirishima chattering away in his ear the way he did when they were on their way to class or were returning from training.

Bakugo was relieved to find the common room almost entirely deserted. Only Headphones and Bird Brain were downstairs, sitting on one of the couches together with their faces buried in their phones, doing their weekly exchange of music recommendations.

While any other day, Bakugo might have joined them (their taste in music wasn't totally awful), tonight he was a man on a mission. He would have preferred it if the common room was completely empty but at least those two extras were somewhat bearable. And they were both quiet, another point in their favor.

Not bothering to acknowledge the others in the room, he headed straight to the kitchen where he started amassing the necessary ingredients and cooking utensils. He quickly set to work with single-minded focus, trying to tamp down the niggling hint of embarrassment that haunted his every move.

He dutifully made a pot of dashi stock before chopping carrots, onions, and potatoes. Setting the vegetables aside, he thinly sliced some beef and rinsed some shirataki noodles.

While boiling the noodles, he sautéed the onions and the sliced beef and mixed mirin, soy sauce, sake, and sugar in a bowl set off to the side. Once the meat was browned, he added the carrots, noodles, and potatoes to the pot along with the dashi stock and mixed seasonings.

After skimming the scum and fat off the top of the stew, he placed the otoshibuta on top and took a deep breath. With nothing else for him to do, he hoisted himself up on the counter to wait for it to stew.

He really hoped Kirishima liked this. He didn't know what else he could possibly do if he didn't. Cooking was one of the only constructive things he could actually do without making a mess of things.

His dad always cooked for his mom after a fight, even if the fights were almost never his fault, and his mom always seemed to appreciate it. Bakugo hoped that the same would be true for Kirishima. Otherwise, he was out of luck.

Playing around on his phone, he kept an eye on the time, not wanting to overcook their dinner. He couldn't afford to fuck this up.

Fifteen minutes later, he was in the middle of spooning the nikujaga into two bowls, planning to take them upstairs to Kirishima's room, when he heard footsteps on the stairs. He paused, turning to look over his shoulder in time to see Kirishima walk into the kitchen.

"Oh. Hey," Kirishima greeted awkwardly, briefly meeting Bakugo's eyes before looking down at his bare feet. He was in the same clothes as earlier; a pair of baggy gray sweatpants and an oversized Fat Gum hoodie.

Hands buried in his pockets, he started shuffling over to the pantry, actively avoiding looking at Bakugo. But before he could reach for his stash of specially imported protein bars, Bakugo softly called, "Oi, Kirishima."

Kirishima turned to him, eyes big and questioning and so cautious they made Bakugo's heart break all over again. Clearing his throat while lifting a steaming bowl and a pair of chopsticks, Bakugo lamely explained, "I made dinner."

Kirishima accepted the bowl and chopsticks with a silent nod, carrying both over to the breakfast bar where he sat down and began eating. Setting the pots and pans he had cooked with in the sink to soak overnight, Bakugo grabbed his own bowl and joined Kirishima at the breakfast bar.

They ate in silence for several long, awkward minutes before Bakugo abruptly sighed and set his chopsticks aside. He turned to Kirishima, taking a deep breath to steel himself before he chickened out like some fucking nerd.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" He blurted, feeling like an even bigger jackass than he already had before. Kirishima turned to him in surprise, a few noodles still poking out of his mouth.

"Fuck, that's not what I meant," Bakugo swore, running a hand over his face. Why were words so difficult to fucking use? What the fuck, they were just words. "I mean, I am sorry. I just... I'm not good at this but I don't wanna use that as an excuse because you deserve an explanation."

Kirishima nodded patiently, slurping up his noodles and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. With Kirishima silently encouraging him to go on, Bakugo paused to catch his breath, trying to formulate his thoughts into something at least somewhat coherent.

"I was being an asshole," he confessed, shakily meeting Kirishima's eyes. "I overreacted and I took it out on you and you didn't — you don't — deserve that. I'm sorry. I-I wanna get better at this communicating thing, I do. I'll get better, I swear."

Kirishima nodded again, waiting a few moments in case Bakugo had more to say. He didn't.

"Thank you," Kirishima said softly, keeping his voice calm and quiet. "For apologizing. Oh, and for making dinner. I totally forgot to eat earlier."

Bakugo let himself smile a bit at that, eyes riveted to Kirishima's own small grin. Licking his lips, Kirishima went on, "I know you have trouble with words and stuff, I get it. But you can't keep shutting me out, okay? If something's bothering you, you need to tell me. Even if it's just you saying 'hey, this thing is pissing me off'."

"I will," Bakugo eagerly answered, nodding vigorously. Impulsively reaching out to hold Kirishima's hand, he squeezed his boyfriend's fingers, like he could convey everything through touch, and swore, "I'll get better, I promise."

"You don't have to promise me that, Bakugo," Kirishima assured him, lips curling up in a fond smile. He squeezed Bakugo's fingers right back, tacking on, "I just need you to try."

"Alright, I'll try," Bakugo agreed, nodding again. Running his thumb over Kirishima's knuckle, he quietly asked, "We're okay, right?"

"Yeah, man," Kirishima confirmed, leaning in to peck Bakugo on the lips. Smiling broadly, he reiterated, "We're okay."

Cheeks filling with heat over the simple display of affection, Bakugo swiftly turned back to dinner, mumbling, "You should eat before it gets cold."

"Sure thing, dude," Kirishima laughed, digging back into his own serving of nikujaga. It was a bit awkward since they were still holding hands but neither one of them minded.

Behind them, watching things unfold from their place on the couch, Jiro and Tokoyami shared a soft smile of their own. Tucking their phones into their pockets, they quietly slipped out of the room to give their friends some well-deserved privacy.

#thanks for the prompt!#kiribaku #kiribaku fic #my fic #amber writes #light angst #making up #established relationship #Anonymous

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ikesenhell · 5 years

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Falling

You can find all other IkeSen works of mine here or become a Patron of mine! NOTES: This was a commission for @psychedelicaya! Thank you so much! Slight warning of mild reference to disturbing content.

She made herself known, and that was difficult to do. He pulled long enough hours that eventually all of the residents blurred together (except for the ones that made stupid mistakes--those he remembered and kept away from his patients). Dr. Ieyasu Tokugawa didn't have time to play professor to the residents. Never mind that he’d been one himself recently; he had obligations of a caregiver, and it was the responsibility of the students to learn at a safe, comfortable distance.

But she stood out immediately.

Part of it was her manner. Ieyasu had plenty of nurses and doctors around that knew how to set others at ease. He’d never mastered that himself. His specialty was cardiology, not people. But every time they wheeled someone from the ER into his wing, her at their side, the patients were calm and collected, no matter the situation.

“Dr. Tokugawa is great,” she assured them. He paused to snap on his gloves and soak in the sound of her voice. He’d never caught her last name. One of the other techs called her ‘Aya’, so Ieyasu assumed that was her name, but it felt so unprofessional to refer to her by it that he stayed from calling her anything at all. “He’ll take care of you.”

“Awful young, isn’t he?”

Ieyasu pretended he didn't hear that. Aya pressed on, comforting and warm. “He’s the best doctor in the wing. You’re in great hands.”

He didn't know how to thank her for the compliment. She liked coffee, so one day on an impulse he bought a gold thermos and tucked it onto the residents station in the ER with a simple note reading only her name. The next day he heard a knock on his office door.

Aya waved the thermos at him. “Was this you?”

Ieyasu stared, nonplussed. “How did you know?”

“Mr. Date said it looked like your handwriting.”

Of course. His best friend and administrator had sold him out. Uncertain where to go from there, Ieyasu quickly answered, “It was a sign of appreciation for your compliment, as well as an acknowledgement of your passable efforts with the patients. Plus, your other thermos is tacky.”

She smiled and his heart froze in his throat. How unfair that expression was! It was almost as if the sunshine came streaming in through the ceiling and hovered around her. How did she have the power to transform the whole hallway? “Yellow is my favorite color. Thanks.”

Ieyasu couldn’t think of anything to say other than, “Mine too. You’re welcome.”

---

Months passed. Her smile became something of a fixture in his life. No matter the rain or storm or sleet, she appeared for her long hours and tense shifts with a smile on her face and the hard determination that so many others lacked. Sometimes she spotted him in the hallways and waved her thermos, eyes sparkling. Ieyasu couldn’t decide if he hated or loved that she kept it on her.

“You’re sweet on her.” Masamune grinned over a late night feast at the local diner, both of them still in their work clothes and not entirely up to the task of going home and cooking dinner.

“Don’t be foolish,” Ieyasu snapped, spearing a potato wedge a little too forcefully. “She’s just a resident. If she doesn’t have a breakdown by the end of the month, I’ll be somewhat surprised.”

“You bought her a present.”

“It was unfair of me not to acknowledge the compliment. Besides. Anything more than that is unprofessional.”

Masamune looked every inch the meme of the smug cat surrounded by knives, but he tucked into his eggs benedict and didn't say anything more.

---

Ieyasu was walking back to his office next week when he heard the soft huff of a sob in the corner. He slowed, mentally calculating his path. Dealing with a crying patient was the last thing he did well--but there was no other way. Whoever they were, they were lingering in the same little cubby space with the vending machines, and his feet would carry him straight past them. Flipping open a folder, he pretended to be in deep thought and strode purposefully by--

Only to halt in his steps.

“Aya?” He asked, daring to say her name aloud for the first time. She started, wiping her eyes.

“Dr. Tokugawa.” Her smile was weak. “Sorry. I thought--I thought you went home for the day.”

“Paperwork,” he answered. Did he ask? Did he dare? She wrapped her arms around herself, smelling of the peppermint oil they sometimes slathered in the ER when a horrid stench permeated the halls. “What--is something--are you okay?”

“I--” Desperately her eyes roved everywhere but him, welling with tears again. “Sorry. We had a burn victim. Baby.”

Oh.

Ieyasu stood there a moment longer, flipping the folder uncertainly in his hand before motioning to her. “Come with me.”

“Dr. Tokugawa…?”

“Ieyasu,” he corrected, uncomfortable in the moment, “Just Ieyasu. Come with me.”

Together they dipped into his cramped office. He turned on the comforting yellow light and motioned a chair, which she sat on, before he flipped on a white noise machine by the doorway.

“Go on.”

She stared blearily at him. “What?”

“It’s a tough job,” he murmured. “Go on. You’re allowed to cry.”

As if permission were what she wanted all along, Aya burst into sobs. He just sat there with her, rubbing her back in slow circles and letting her mourn a child she’d barely known.

---

After that, things were… different.

It started when she left a handwritten note in his office, thanking him for letting her cry it out. Ieyasu didn't know what to do other than leave a small packet of good coffee for her in the residents office. Then it turned into them having small conversations in the hallway and exchanging music recommendations. Ieyasu even went so far as to burn her a CD.

“Is this a mix tape?” She asked, the laughter spilling from those pretty lips. Ieyasu wondered what they tasted like for only a second.

“Look, you don’t have to take it if you don’t want to.”

“No. No, no. I do.” Aya clutched it to her chest and smiled at him. “I’m just feeling a bit like a teenager right now.”

He was too, but he wasn’t entirely sure if it was for the same reasons, so he kept it to himself. Instead he watched her flit through the ER in whatever brief glimpses he was allowed. She teased Dr. Sarutobi and roasted Dr. Sanada with the best of them. When she split pizzas with the other residents, she would pop by and give him a spare slice, sure to give him that smile and light up his office just by existing. He didn't care for pizza (not much, at least), but her--

It was a dangerous thought, but he couldn’t help but entertain it.

One cold December night he was on his way back to the garage when he saw her standing at the bus station, hands tucked into her pockets and breath circling skyward. Thick flakes tumbled around her. Ieyasu wondered if they sold that picture on a postcard.

“Hi.”

She blinked up at him and smiled. “Hi.”

“The bus stopped running an hour ago.”

“Did it?” Aya frowned and reached for her phone. “I thought I read it right…”

“I thought you had a car.”

“I do. It’s in the shop. I’ve never ridden the bus before.”

Ieyasu thought over his options for a half-second before motioning for her to follow him. “I’ll drive you home.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose--”

“It’s no trouble.”

She fell into step beside him, their arms brushing and sending electric sparks shooting all over his body. God. How could he be cold with her there? They stepped into the garage and he unlocked his modest Honda, both of them slipping into the frigid interior.

“God.” She sniffed. “It’s freezing.”

Something born from habit of being around Masamune kicked in. Without thinking, Ieyasu offered, “Want to get hot chocolate?”

“Yeah! That sounds great.”

They both paused as if realizing what had happened, Ieyasu with the keys barely in the ignition. It was another beat before he started the car. What was he doing? But--but she’d said yes, and something in his stupid, stupid heart soared.

He drove them over to the twenty-four hour Starbucks. The snow was falling fast, drifting up against the curb, and together they bundled inside and ordered their twin hot chocolates. Something about it felt so natural that Ieyasu almost forgot his reservations, his position, all of the duties that stood between the two of them. It was just her, her, her, Aya, this lovely woman who graced him with her time and smile. She talked about grad school and residency and he offered her advice, their knees nested together as they huddled up by the window.

“It’s getting late, isn’t it?” She laughed, tossing her long-ago drained cup into the trash. “What time is it, even?”

Ieyasu checked his watch. “Nearly two am.”

“We’re probably bothering the staff here.”

The very real possibility he was bothering her struck fear in his heart. “I should get you home.”

But--much to his surprise--Aya frowned at that. “Aw. Are you sure? We could do a sortie around the block and then go, just so we can get into the snow.”

“Fine.”

She ordered a second hot chocolate and they scooted around in drifts on the sidewalk. Before he had the sense to feel what was coming, Aya hopped to the nearest car and packed a snowball from the hood. “Heads up!”

“What the--” An instinct born of being around Masamune kicked in; Ieyasu barely dodged the ball and watched it smack harmlessly into the Starbucks.

Oh no. This was war. Without a second thought he dove for his car, loading up ammunition and pelting her. She screamed and raced around the parking lot, her infectious laughter echoing through the night. Back and forth they went, snow flying and loading in his hair and hers, the thick flakes replenishing their supply almost as fast as they used it--and then she slipped on the pavement.

“Are you ok?” Ieyasu raced to her as fast as he dared on the slick ground. She was smiling still, just rubbing her hip and shaking her head. “Let me check you over.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine! I promise.” She blinked at him, her eyelashes dusted with flakes and her smile as radiant as the white winter around her, her cheeks pale from the frost. God. His heart beat so loud in his chest that he wondered if she might hear him.

“You swear?” He asked.

Aya’s smile faded. And it was a second--only a split second--where she cast her eyes to his mouth.

He took the cue.

She tasted like snow and chocolate and whipped cream and the sunlight she so often was. He pulled away and she whispered a faint uh uh, dragging him back in by the collar and kissing him right back. All of his fears and obligations melted away in her radiance, the soft drift of flakes around him forgotten. Ieyasu curled his whole body around hers and gave her everything she wanted.

It was a long, long time before they broke apart again. Her smile was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Again?” She asked.

“You’re greedy,” he responded, and leaned in once more.

#Ikesen #Ikemen Sengoku #Ikesen Ieyasu #Ieyasu Tokugawa #Ikesen Modern Au #Dr. Ieyasu #fluff #commission #Falling #My writing

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affirmationshrines · 5 years

Photo

Photo 1:

The first Viewpoint magazine I read called ‘RISE UP’ actually speaks about this magazine as its ‘sister’ and recommends reading it as the topics link. As soon as I saw ‘Spirituality’ on the front cover I got excited and opened it to a random page, the page being something I’m really interested in and got even more excited to explore the book.

Page 3 of the book: IN GOOD SPIRITS

‘’Messages of self-awareness, respect for others and self-love are noticeably consistent’

‘Design’s roll in the new spirituality is enabling one supporting customers in their quest for a satisfying internal life. Key concepts include empowerment, enlightenment, vision, awe, wonder, calm and tranquility. Products, services and concepts that embed an extra layer of genuine meaning will find favour with adherents of the new spirituality. And beauty and joy also have their places - along with a deep appreciation of originality and creativity.’

‘Design in itself can be a spiritual practice. The process of making, and the absorption and engaged flow it involves, leads to a deep connection between maker and craft.’

Photo 2:

This image reminds me of my little spiritual space at home, using objects like candles and incense to aesthetically make a room peaceful and aid in wellbeing. Later in the magazine there is a page dedicated to the creator of this work, Yield Design, Florida. It’s all about ‘playing with our emotional connection to scent, the series draws on elemental notes in these majestic spaces and distills feelings of wander and awe.’ This links with my want to connect to people emotionally through work, I’m thinking about how scent can be a part of the project..

Photo 3:

This image is visually pleasing, i’ll be looking deeper into this exhibition. The exhibition is called Wisdom of the Earth teamLab: A forest where Gods Live - Earth music&ecology, Kyushu, Japan.

Page 13 from this book:

The term ‘Wellness Design’ sticks out to me, I’ll be researching further into this..

Photo 4:

Time over Time by Dawn Bendick. Bendick also has a section in the first Viewpoint magazine, ‘RISE UP’, where her piece expresses her feelings towards climate change. In this book she describes this piece as ‘a way of tapping into our peripheral senses and heightening awareness of changes in seasons, atmospheric light and weather’. She uses found objects, stones, crystals and glass to create her pieces. This reminds me of wanting to use my own stones and crystals in this project, but how?

Photo 5:

Ritual Empowerment. This page describes my own spiritual practice and how intention and ritual are one of the ‘most powerful manifestations of the 20th-century’. This page reminds me of WHY I’m so focussed on self discovery, self love, connection to the planet, Earth connection, human connection and so on.. I have been very disconnected in the past, I wasn’t aware or conscious of anything at all, navigating through life based upon what the media and my family told me.

I want people to make the transformation I made, to become better, happier humans. To be in tune with their passions and desires. If we evolve individually we will evolve together, it is a collective conscious effort.

Page 19 from book:

The caption - ‘ELEMENTAL HEALING - A global shift towards urban living is driving a feeling of psychoterratic disconnect.’ this section ‘explores a restored value in nature and the race to preserve it for future generations.’

What’s interested me about this section of the magazine is ‘The Tonic of Trees, The Healing Magic of Forest Bathing’ by Julia Plevin. Plevin says that her ‘psychological malaise’, which means psychological discomfort, is an effect of her concrete-jungle urban surroundings. I feel exactly the same.. I notice that the more time I spend in nature the happier I am, my positive mindset is consistent with my nature explorations, especially in the forest.

I spend a lot of time in nature when i’m home in Cardiff, I live within walking distance from natural woodlands, a river and a bus ride away from a mountain. This article is making me think of bringing nature into the home..? How can we connect to nature living in the concrete jungle?

Page 33 from the book:

‘Philosophers and psychologists are now suggesting we should acknowledge spiritual intelligence’

Photo 6:

This is the page that I immediately got excited about, this photo basically describes me at home, just kidding.. or am I?

I’m drawn to the colours, immediately thinking about the Crown Chakra and what the colour purple means to me spiritually, how it’s the highest vibrational colour, the colour of ‘magick’.. the name of the installation is ‘You Are Magic’ by The Hoodwitch which is basically what I want people to understand when looking at all of my art work, even when listening to my music, because it’s true. We are impossible beings with infinite creative power, why are so many so sad, stuck, lost? Why is the planet so sad, stuck, lost, with such powerful creatures living on it?

Of course the crystals in the background caught my eye too, there are lit up Selenite towers on the floor which i make and sell as well as a Quartz crystal grid in the background.

Photo 7, Page 41:

‘Studio Swines Ware Practice Duplex in collaboration with A/D/O focusses on the relationship between nature and technology, with many of the pieces incorporating plasma to capture bursts of light similar to those observed in the sun, stars, and comets.’ There isn’t much written about the installation in the book so i’ve found it on Dezeen. This reminds me of using my nature, crystals and stones, and linking them with technology.. digitally designing?

On this page there is a section called ‘The Spirit of Connection’ which talks about how ‘21st-century spiritualism is all about connection: to ourselves, to others and the wider environment.’ which is basically what my work is all about. It says that ‘Viewpoint has frequently touched on the role of creatives and brands as enablers, and on the importance of supporting positive movements within the global community’ - this makes me really happy, to know that the artistic work of us spiritual young people is being recognised by such large, important art magazines! I honestly didn’t realise that my concepts and ideas have been explored creatively already. I feel like i’ve found my place in the design world by reading this magazine.

Page 73:

‘People are increasingly seeking to experience heightened states of mental wellbeing’ - I hope to cause these experiences with my work..

Viewpoint describes the spiritual youth of today as ‘putting their faith int eh power of the metaphysical, where science and mysticism combine to create therapeutic sensorial experiences using immersive colour, light and sound’. Exactly what i’d like to do!

Photo 8:

The images on this page remind me of Lepidolite Mica, an iridescent shiny light, flaky stone often used to make glitter. It’s bringing me towards using stones and crystals as materials, or using their beauty as inspiration for colour, texture, form, light..

Page 89:

‘Tom Sewell explores the relationship between humans and nature at a time when GPS, modern medicine and supermarket deliveries are accessible at the touch of a button. He investigates the interplay of the elements and the spiritual world through delicate drawings and totemic sculptures.

Sewell reflects on his ventures into nature, from the firths of Scotland to London’s Epping Forest, in order to create assemblages of organic matter, climbing rope and naturally died fabric. His ritualistic installations show respect for the natural world as well as hinting at a new mystical practice for the modern day that celebrates the rotting, uncanny beauty of the woods and the wilds.’

I’m intrigued by the concept behind Sewells work rather than the work itself which is why i’ve not shown images. He’s doing exactly what i’d like to do.

Page 104:

‘PRACTICE BEING IN YOUR NATURE’ “We are in a pint in the world where we’ve become very disconnected. Things are super-fast - we are very top heavy, we think so much. And we lead life from a strange sense that we are in control or can control everything, so we become detached from our energetic systems and our nervous systems” - this makes me think about how we no longer rely on our natural compass, our intuition or ‘gut instinct’.. aiding towards more disconnection.

Page 107 - 117:

A few pages about artists that, bellow are the ones that stand out.

I relate to Rachel Wingfield on very deep levels. ‘I feel very passionate about certain topics such as climate change and mass extinction’ - Rachel Wingfield

Shama Rahman speaks about flow, the work her and her crew does ‘addresses our ability to be in flow, harnessing the ability of our own consciousness’.

Ben Lindsay speaks about church and says that ‘apart from down the pub, it’s rare that you see such a mix of people’ and how the church accepts a mixture of people, it accepts everyone.’ This reminds me of the art space, the art gallery, exhibition, the creative project.. how art and design bring people together, not leaving anyone out. Everyone can relate to it, everyone can connect.

Photos 9, 10, 11:

I practice modern witchcraft and haven’t found a better explanation than what’s said by The Hoodwitch in this article. I’m now drawn to expressing/demonstrating my own personal spiritual practice as it’s a clear example of what i’m trying to portray through my work, I am proof that my methods and ideas work towards connecting to ourselves, connecting to the planet and consciously evolving positively.

#inspiration #spiritualconnection #research #book review #research analysis

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brianjpatterson · 6 years

Text

SPOTLIGHT: (”BEING” Part One) Cultivate Your Awareness

If you’re just joining Spotlight, then this is my personal journal of my personal journey as a performer. It’s a kind of way for me to look back on all of my experiences, and lessons I’ve learned, while simultaneously sharing what I’ve learned with you. Disclaimer: The word PERSONAL was utilized twice in the first sentence. Therefore, this is not the gospel or the truth, it’s just me sharing MY experiences in an effort to assist, if possible, in other people’s discovery (end disclaimer). Today, I’m going to skip over the last part (Part 5) of my observation of the Industry’s Corporate Structure, to briefly touch on the ‘BEING’ in “Brian’s B’s” (Being, Behavior, and Business), of my A+B=C method. If you are reading this blog for the first time, here’s a brief over view of my A+B=C method. A stands for the Abstract; It’s your dream and what you desire. C is the Completion or end result to the equation. It’s what you have Concocted. However, B is the thing that doesn’t get much attention, and it is the most vital portion of the equation; It is your Being, your Behavior, and your Business. All the things that YOU actually DO to mix with the A and make the C happen! That is the basic overview of my system. Today, I’m going to focus on Being and I’m going to use a completely true story from November of 2017.

Back in November of 2017, I was living in San Francisco, and had been making my living as a performer in the city for almost then years. It was on November 13, 2017 at approximately 4:10pm that I received a Facebook message on my Fan Page. It was from an actor in the city who I had met once, but from whom I had never seen any work. Her message said this…

“Hi Brian, I've asked you a question before, and you were so generous in your response. If you have time to answer this one, I would so appreciate it. I'm joining SAG, and have been told that Fi-Core would be better. Although the folks at the SAG office disagree. Do you have a personal experience with that? A casting director I trust suggests Fi-Core, and SAG strongly suggests SAG, not Fi-Core. I know it's probably a very personal choice, but I follow you and it seems to me like you make good choices about your career. Do you have a recommendation? Thank you Brian.”

After reading her message, I couldn’t have been more flattered. I had been on the receiving end of quite a few messages like this at the time, and it made me feel good that I could potentially contribute to people’s success and happiness. In this case, the actor was making a huge decision that could have multiple effects. Every actor’s journey is different and need to make decisions specifically catered toward their career. Unfortunately, I didn’t know very much about her career so I couldn’t make any quick suggestions. So I did what every good objective person does: RESEARCH! First, I looked at her Facebook. I didn’t see ANYTHING acting or performance related at all. Then I looked at youtube; I didn’t see any videos or reels. After that I looked her up on IMDb and the only thing listed were a few credits; a few from over twenty five years ago, and then two which spanned over the last three years. Keep in mind all of these were either stand-in, extra work, or a role with no character name. After that, I completed multiple google searches using different variations of her name, the city, and additional words like theatre, film, actor and actress. Guess what? Nothing. Not only was there little to no marketing on this person, but there was nothing attesting to her competence. In addition, she was asking me a question about her business. Rather than making assumptions, I wanted to gather as much information as possible on this person so that I could give her the best advice I could. Besides, there could be an entire theatrical life of which I’m not privy and about which I don’t know. So, I sent back a bunch of questions to get a bigger picture of here situation. Here is what I sent to her:

“First off, I want to acknowledge your commitment to your career and your interest in doing what is best by seeking out advice from what seem to be good sources for you. You're already on the right path as far as I'm concerned. Second, I would agree with you; It's a very personal choice and would require a lot of detailed information. For instance: Do you plan on staying in SF for a while or are you moving to a larger market like NYC, LA, Canada, or London? If so, do you feel like you're in a place where you have enough experience and credits to hold your own and play with the 'big dogs' (SAG) on equal footing? If so, on what kind of tangible data is this based? Third and last, have you created a clear, detailed, and meticulous plan for your career with a somewhat in depth understanding of the road ahead of you? I am someone who prefers to give advice and make decisions by having more global/big picture info filled with as much data as possible. Therefore, if you can answer those few questions, then I think I can give you advice which is best suited for your particular situation. Brian :) “

Here is the answer with which I was met:

“Thank you, Brian. I know those answers for myself and think I will be joining SAG, not as Fi-Cor. I'll be based in California, splitting time between sf and la. My main quandary is that a casting director who I trust up in sf recommends fi- Cor over SAG, yet SAG gives the opposite recommendation. I am joining, that's not in question. Leaning towards sag. I've had 13 years experience in live theater, commercial and film/tv. No reason to wait any more. I know why I'm an actor. More now than ever before. Thank you again.”

A few minutes later, I got this:

“I’d really like to hear your take on Fi-Cor vs. SAG. What I'm most concerned about us if I start as Fi-Cor, will I them be able to switch? The SAG office makes it sound like a very iffy prospect. I don't know anyone who's tried it. Think I will just join SAG and if I want to switch later, try it then.”

Her prior messages let me know that she wasn’t coachable, and didn’t really want to hear what I had to say. Regardless of my success or the contribution that I believed I could make to her after having seen some of her tools. So, I ended the conversation as gracefully as I could and sent her this message:

“It sounds to me like you've made up your mind to join. Mucha Buena Suerte!”

As you can see, I didn’t offer any advice or suggestions. It would have been a waste of time and energy. This person was merely asking for permission. Something I also didn’t give, because I could already tell after looking over her tools that I would be COMPLETELY AGAINST joining SAG. As in my previous posts, being an actor is the equivalent of being an employee in the corporate world. The only difference is that you are an independent contractor. In order to be a successful independent contractor that can support his/her self, you have to have mastered many skills and tools in order to stay employed. Some of those would be: interpersonal relations/communications, clear and concise planning and organizing, marketing strategy, and a harnessing of personal talent. Prior to developing these skills, there is one thing that every person will need in order to develop any of those and that is AWARENESS of self.

Actor and famous acting coach Stella Adler was adamant about her belief that Actors needed to conquer themselves before they conquered a character. I associate this with the ancient martial arts theory of ‘emptying your cup’ that Bruce Lee often taught. It is one of the most important parts of the equations of success. Not just in career, but in every area of life. It is why I believe that it’s the first place to begin when embarking upon a big journey like an acting career. Emptying your cup means getting very clear on who you are inside and out. It’s knowing yourself to a point where you are able to be COMPLETELY objective on every matter. This gives you the ability to step inside a character to the fullest, because you are able to set aside your own perception of reality and everything that could potentially stop you from putting yourself in the shoes of another. For me, I have Wonder Woman. To explain, Doctor William Moulton Marston III who created the character was a psychologist and was a study of the human condition. He imbued many of his characters and inventions with breadcrumb clues to these ideas. He even inspired a system for self awareness that I follow which has aided me tremendously over the last 16 years of my life. I encourage everyone to find their own system which offers them that kind of objective awareness. I write a column called “What Would Wonder Woman Do?”, and in March it was about the “Lack Of Truth in Society”. Truth is something that requires personal awareness. Without it, you can not be completely authentic. As you continue your search toward your own system, here are some ideas on how to begin developing personal awareness, which are derived from my article.

BE AWARE OF YOUR ABILITY TO BE COACHABLE When you aren’t coachable, you often miss out on important information. It could be information that could make 100% difference in your life and/or career. In the example of the actress who asked me for advice, I could see where she wanted to go and if you read some of the questions I asked her, I already had some really fantastic suggestions for her to be successful. Unfortunately, she wasn’t open to hearing them and was completely UN-coachable. Some of her language was a little defensive and put up a wall. This is what happens when you’re triggered, and being coachable means understanding those triggers that hold you back from being coachable. Examining what those triggers are, how they got there, and how to work around them will assist you in becoming coachable. In my article, you’ll see that the Ladder Of Inference explains how personal perception can influence present events.

BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW When we think we know something and assume that we don’t need another perspective that might be different, that will often make us un-coachable. If we come from a place of ‘I already know’ then it immediately shuts off the ability to connect, and also the ability to learn. The opposite will open up the possibility of connection, affinity, and even learning new knowledge. In my situation, the actress that asked me for advice was completely and totally un-coachable even though she came to ME for advice. Being open to what she didn’t know would have given her the ability to gain new knowledge which could have aided her to a more bountiful and successful career. It is important to be able to know the difference between the former and the latter situation. I believe that is to be like Wonder Woman, which is to follow the way of love. When you are being loving you are continually choosing to understand and accept the world around you. I write about this in my article. For me, I like to think of a scientist. He (or she) knows that there are facts and laws in the universe, but they are always testing new things against them for new outcomes and new possibilities. That pure, loving, and inquisitive nature of being open and asking questions will almost always guarantee that you find out things that you didn��t know before. Be your own scientist and like the article says, “Lasso The Truth”!

BE AWARE OF YOUR LIMITATIONS We all have limitations, but very few people are truly aware of what actually creates their limitations. This often leads to people not knowing exactly what their limitations might be. In the case of the female actor who messaged me, she is setting out to work in a market of SAG/AFTRA professionals. This will limit her for many reasons. Without proving to have a strong work history, a strong body of work, a clear concise plan to success, an ability to book (aka adequate practice and developing a system for auditioning) and to do so on the SAG level, she is limiting herself. Specifically, since she is doing so in a primarily non-union market where the SAG work is very limited. In my ‘What Would Wonder Woman Do’ article, about the lack of Truth in Society, I reference a scene written by Phil Jimenez in Wonder Woman #170 where she reveals that she is forced to always be honest with herself due to her having the lasso on her hip. By finding our own ‘magic lasso’ or system to keep ourselves honest we can be more aware of our own limitations. Being honest about them can also lead to more connection and success.

CONCLUSION When you find yourself to not be coachable, are approached by someone who might have some knowledge, or even have a limitation that is being challenged, and you feel resistance; STOP! Take a few breaths and ask yourself, Why am I so resistant? Why do I feel like pushing back on this? What is this reminding me? Then try to replace it with questions. Try to come from a place of innocence and inquisition. Ask questions why what you’re being suggested is a good idea, or even what led to this philosophy. You may actually learn something new that you didn’t know before. Asking these kinds of questions will be easier once you have found your own system of awareness. Some people go to therapy, some go to church, and some have self help gurus. Personally, mine is Wonder Woman and the work influenced by Dr. Marston III. The previous were just a few suggestions on how to begin cultivating your own awareness. Everyone is different and everyone will find their own system. To recap, I have yet to hear from the female actor (actress) who originally sent me her question regarding SAG. I will say this though, it has been nine months now since that question, and after going back to look over her marketing materials, I noticed that there has been absolutely no change. I’ve seen no new videos, clips, or reels added. Her IMDb hasn’t been updated with any new projects, and google still doesn’t show anything about her work in any genre (stage or screen). So whatever she is doing, it’s getting her more of what she had. As for me, I was given a principal contract in a SAG national commercial I shot last week with three celebrities; Two of them have over five million followers and the last has nearly a million followers on Twitter. That being said, I urge you all to find your own system of cultivating your personal awareness to a point where you become more objective, authentic, and inquisitive. It is one of the first steps of the BEING part of ‘Brian’s Bs’ and will assure your success in many areas of life, including career. And if I can do it, then you can definitely do it too! :)

#actor #actors #actress #advice #suggestion #blog #wisdom #wonder woman #wonderwoman #love #questions #scientist #SAG #screen actors guild

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imaginetonyandbucky · 7 years

Note

Hi, could you please write something about The Winter Soldier/Tony (not Bucky)? The Soldier has some of Bucky's memories and uses it to pretend to be Bucky, but he's not a 'real boy', will never be and has no interest in becoming. So, he pretends and lies to everyone, but then there is Tony, and The Soldier fells for him, and now he needs to somehow show Tony who he really is and convince to accept him. (Please, no The Soldier becoming Bucky Barnes again)

Mission: (Im)possible

“Mr. Barnes, Sir requests your presence in the workshop.”

The footage stills with the camera focused on Captain America instructing his Howling Commandos. Sergeant Bucky Barnes is in the background, staring down at the map on the table with intense scrutiny. A moment of which the Soldier has no memory.

He rises from the couch and proceeds to the workshop. It is a simple thing to accept all requests as orders, and with his threat assessment of his new handlers the Soldier prioritizes the orders of Anthony Stark.

The Soldier does not encounter any others on his way, so he waits until he’s coming out of the elevator to mimic the focus on Sergeant Barnes’ face. When he enters the workshop, Anthony Stark is, as typical, in motion.

Stark gestures at screens, he chats with JARVIS, he steps out of the path of an errant bot. Then he turns to the Soldier and his face lights up.

“Barnes! Man of the hour. I have a present for you. It’s Christmas in July, or well, whatever month it is. Close enough. Come, come, come,” Stark beckons as he strides over to another workshop table.

The look of scrutiny from Sergeant Barnes serves the Soldier well as he approaches the table.

“Here,” Stark boasts as he reveals a rifle.

The Soldier notes his own elevated heart rate. There are multiple high level threats present in the workshop, but no hostile action has yet been taken. Decision : wait for further input.

“Speechless? Look, don’t tell Nat or Steve - especially not Steve. Consider it a loan, or something. A tester, so you can give me feedback.”

The Soldier doesn’t move. Is this a test?

(Watch out for the break!)

“Barnes?” Stark asks, now frowning, his fingers tapping against the arc reactor.

The Soldier asks himself what Bucky Barnes would do.

“I thought Stark Industries doesn’t make weapons anymore,” he offers in a practiced Brooklyn drawl as he reaches for the gun.

Stark offers up a quick, insincere grin. “I only modified it a little, and it’s not for sale. I may be a little rusty though so give it a spin and let me know what I need to fix, yeah?”

“You givin’ me faulty goods, Stark?”

The Soldier pastes a half-grin on his face, one that he’s copied from another film reel. He grips the gun tightly - the first weapon he’s been allowed since surrendering (most of) his knives upon entering the Tower. He has no need of a weapon to complete his current primary mission. He is enough of a weapon with his body alone. The weight of a loaded gun in his hands has no reason to lead to a decrease in heart rate.

Still, if Stark ordered him to relinquish the gun, he is not certain he would comply.

“Well if I mixed up my weapons and it explodes on you or something, let me know. At least you and your supersoldier self should be able to survive the blast,” Stark tosses back. “You’ve figured out where the range is by now, right? And remember, this is our little secret.”

A classified mission. Parameters: test the rifle and provide feedback. A straightforward mission that is almost beneath the Soldier’s skills, but it will require stealth so that the Captain Rogers and the Black Widow do not discover this.

The Soldier accepts, rifle in hand, and heads to the shooting range.

He has been provided a weapon. He has not been allowed one since he surrendered to Captain Rogers weeks ago. He was told he did not need one, that he would not be in danger at the Tower. He was told he could not use one until he proved that Bucky Barnes was in control, that he was safe to the other occupants. Does Stark providing him with the gun mean that his primary mission of going undercover as Bucky Barnes has been successful?

The shooting range is empty of the other occupants. JARVIS displays targets at the far end, and the Soldier falls into the rhythm of aim, fire, aim, fire, aim, fire. Less kickback, he notes. A reinforced grip that stands up to his strength. The modifications from Stark have improved the performance of the gun, likely with the Soldier’s performance in mind.

When the provided ammunition runs out, the Soldier lowers the gun.

“Well done, Mr. Barnes. Full marks,” JARVIS says as he displays the Soldier’s statistics.

The Soldier reviews his performance. He hit all targets, but his firing speed and precision are also graded. There are minor corrections to his stance to improve his ability to turn for more peripheral targets.

“The video file will be available to Sir, but he would still appreciate your verbal feedback.”

“Understood,” the Soldier replies as he dismisses his statistics from view.

JARVIS has been the most understandable and reliable of all the occupants of the tower. Hydra had cameras watching the Soldier and the entire compound, so being constantly monitored was not new. JARVIS is not meant to be a spy or a threat, Stark had explained, but if the Soldier displayed harmful tendencies than JARVIS would act.

JARVIS, a computer program with intelligence, but with defined parameters in which he operates. A fellow Asset, only built starting from electronics rather than from a man - built by Stark.

JARVIS had even volunteered the parameters of his monitoring, and despite repeated testing the Soldier had yet to see JARVIS exceed them.

A better Asset.

The Soldier would ready himself for a competition, as frequently happened with Hydra, only the Soldier no longer qualifies as an Asset. He abandoned Hydra and is no longer their Asset. For the Avengers, he has no use yet - not until he has fully succeeded in his mission to take Bucky Barnes’ place.

But Stark provided him a rifle against regulation. The Soldier is approaching success.

“Well?” Tony asks, stopping himself from spinning in circles on his chair when the Soldier walks back into the workshop.

He provides a report of his activities and observations, despite the knowledge that Stark will watch the video surveillance if he didn’t already do so. As his mission parameters included feedback of the weapon, he included several critiques of the firing power and trigger speed.

Tony blows out a breath and shakes his head. “Damn. Rustier than I thought. I’ll fix it.”

The Soldier hesitates. Unsure what prompts him, he continues, “It is operating under acceptable conditions.”

Stark snorts and turns away, typing at a keyboard. “Glowing recommendation. You hear that JARVIS? ‘It’s functional’. Alert the press.” Stark then turns back and points a finger at him. “Functioning isn’t acceptable. I want a gun that will blow your mind and make you weep. I want amazing, extraordinary - one that you’ll have sex with because you love it so much and won’t want to put it down. I want full efficiency; I want the best.”

The Soldier remains in place, stuck though nothing grips him. His body feels hot, his internal heat increasing. The servos in the arm whir to release the heat, though it has minimal effect on the temperature of his system. The Soldier is not the best, he reminds himself. JARVIS is The Asset here.

Stark coughs. “Sorry. Might have gotten a little carried away there. Uh...you want to hang onto that?” he asks, waving toward the rifle still in the Soldier’s hands. “Don’t blame you if you don’t want to touch it again. J, get me the basic schematics on this, I think we need to start over if we’re going to sup this up like we need to.”

He is not ordered. He does not have to release the gun. He has no more ammunition, but that is an easily solvable problem. Still, it could be a test and he must succeed in his primary mission.

The Soldier will not go back to Hydra, back to the Chair.

He sets the gun on the workshop table. Stark does not turn to look, already absorbed into his schematics. The Soldier may even have earned an upgraded weapon.

This should qualify as a success. He has succeeded in his mission of testing the rifle and providing relevant feedback. He has succeeded in gaining access to a weapon and providing evidence that he is not a danger to the other occupants. He has succeeded in adopting the mannerisms of Bucky Barnes.

The dismissal from Stark does not feel like a success.

Eighty-two percent of the time, the Soldier finds that occupancy in the workshop is calming. Captain Rogers teases him that he likes the workshop because of Bucky’s constant awe of the future from Before. The Soldier remembers enough to offer up a smile and a shrug that looks natural, given his practice.

Under normal parameters, Soldier acknowledges that he finds this place calming because of how he can hide in the workshop.

JARVIS is constantly monitoring, the Soldier knows, but Stark does not. Stark does not look for Bucky Barnes out of the corner of his eye, like the Black Widow does. Stark does not expect a response from Bucky Barnes when he speaks, like Captain Rogers does. Stark works, he builds, he creates, and he can have entire conversations all on his own with only a look from the Soldier.

The Soldier does not have to be as careful about cloaking himself in Bucky Barnes’ mannerisms when in the workshop. JARVIS, as the best Asset, has certainly observed this difference, and yet the Soldier is still allowed entry.

Meaning the Soldier has seen Stark buried in JARVIS’ code, repairing and upgrading. The Soldier has seen Stark fix a bent strut on U, clean the gunk out of the wheels of DUM-E. A creator giving careful attention to its creations - from JARVIS, the Asset, down to the bots which are threatened with exile every week and yet are still maintained to full efficiency.

None of the bots have ever been powered down as punishment. The Soldier had asked JARVIS.

The Soldier is not meant to want, and yet the Soldier desires a different beginning for himself. What kind of Asset could he have been, if he had been created here in the workshop rather than with Hydra?

The Soldier has seen Stark cradle the coffee machine. He regularly checks up on the blender. He pats the freezer when he walks by. Stark gives his attention to many things, not all of which are his sole creation. Perhaps the Soldier’s mechanical arm could gain him that attention and care?

The Soldier is not meant to want, and yet…

He steps forward. And again, when his movements fail to gain Stark’s attention.

“Sir,” JARVIS prompts, and displays something on the screen Stark is frowning at so that Stark looks up. Perhaps the Soldier can yield the title of best Asset to JARVIS.

Stark’s frown clears when he focuses on the Soldier. “Oh hey, what’s up?”

Stark twirls a wrench, his eyes flicking back and forth from the Soldier to the schematic, but he continues to smile at the Soldier. The Soldier hesitates. What would Bucky Barnes do? He shoves that thought back. He does not need Bucky Barnes for his mission. The Soldier is capable.

The Soldier holds out his left hand. “Maintenance is…,” he struggles for the correct word. He can’t force ‘wanted’ or ‘desired’ out of his mouth, but ‘required’ is inaccurate.

Stark’s gaze feels like a touch, though the Soldier knows that is impossible. But he now has the full force of Stark’s attention, and he struggles to not shiver under the onslaught.

“Say no more,” Stark says and then he’s striding over. “Your pal Steve forbid me from saying anything until you asked, and I know you didn’t really ask a question but I’m to take that as permission, yeah? You good? Come sit, okay, JARVIS will get the scans going and we’ll get you tuned up.”

The Soldier sits, and it’s the chair Stark had been spinning on. Stark’s chair, nothing like the Chair. It doesn’t even have armrests, the Soldier has to place his arm on the space Stark clears on the workshop table by swiping the rifle and other bits and pieces of metal to the ground.

“There, that will give DUM-E something to do to. DUM-E, clean up on aisle three and don’t feel up our guest, okay? Full disclosure, I didn’t exactly give you a gun in hopes that I’d be rewarded like this, I was just thinking you could use a bit more leash on the collar you’re on right now. And look at that, now you have the evidence everyone wanted from you, right? No killing spree, not even a fly was harmed in the process. Alright, you comfy here?”

The Soldier nods. He has always felt things more, it seems, as the Soldier, but his skin is sending more feedback to his brain than expected. When Stark puts a hand on his shoulder, firm but no additional pressure, the Soldier feels it.

“Just relax. You’re in safe hands here, with J and I. Unless you keep looking at me like that, then I might have to do something about it…. Kidding, kidding, totally safe, I promise. No bad touches, J will make sure. He’s a party-pooper like that, aren’t you, J?”

“I do believe that is because we differ on the concept of a ‘party,’” JARVIS replies. “But I will do my best to be sure that Mr. Barnes’ comfort levels are not exceeded.”

“See? J’s got your back,” Stark tells the Soldier with a wink. Stark’s hand is still on the Soldier’s shoulder, the one that isn’t attached to the mechanical arm that the he hopes will interest Stark. Stark’s hand is even moving, the thumb swiping across his collar in a repeated movement that the Soldier focuses more of his attention on than is necessary.

JARVIS can maintain the status as best Asset, if the Soldier gets this.

“We’ll get you all tuned up. We might have to upgrade your code name even. Winter Captain? Winter Admiral? We’ll work on it, test it out on a few focus groups or something. Alright, you ready for this, soldier?”

The Soldier grins, not thinking about how to mimic Bucky Barnes’ smile.

“Affirmative.”

#winteriron #tony x bucky #tony stark #bucky barnes #prompts #hddnone #Anonymous

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