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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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AITA for being upset at how my former friends treated me?

tw: suicide and animal death

So for some context this was a very close knit friendgroup, for several years, of about 10 people, including me and my then partner. Also, everyone here is an adult.

Basically, one day I was in a really really bad place mentally. A beloved family pet was going to be put down soon, this dog had been a part of my life for almost half my life, and I was inconsolable and struggling to cope with this. During a discussion about some random interest I got too mean/harsh about it and it turned into an argument.

I know this was not justified and my grief wasn't an excuse, and I knew it then too and apologized to the people involved, and was met with overwhelming support, I was told "it's ok, we understand you're going through a rough thing right now, we're here to support you and you'll always have a place in this group"

Then my partner messaged me. They had not been part of the discussion at all, but they told me they felt hurt and wanted us to take a break. However, I misinterpreted that as a break up (combination of language barrier and me already being in shambles. This miscommunication is not something my ex can be blamed for)

This was an extremely serious relationship, we had been together for 2 years at that point and had a lot of future plans and such, so that on top of already grieving made me have a mental breakdown.

So, I vented on my personal tumblr. My vents did not mention/vague/allude to the situation at all, they amounted to "I feel terrible I can't do this anymore" and could very well have been only about my dog, or just about my depression in general. I also should point out that my ex doesn't use tumblr at all, so I didn't think he'd ever see those vents, and I certainly didn't want him to. And I also would not have reacted like that if I had known it was a temporary break. I know I still shouldn't have vented on a public blog, and it was hurtful no matter what. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time.

The next day, after our dog was put down, I sought support from my friends, but was suddenly met with "we're not impressed with how you've acted, get therapy, bye" and was kicked from the group. Several of them blocked me everywhere instantly.

Unbeknownst to me, someone had sent my vents to my ex and they had shown them to the others, and they'd drawn the conclusion that I was upset about a temporary break and was venting to try to guilt my ex into getting back with me. And not a single one of them brought this up to me. Again, we'd all been friends for several years at that point and this was literally the day after telling me I'd always be a part of the group and they were here for me. I couldn't even defend myself because no one would tell me anything, I asked many times but was told "you know what you did" even though I clearly didn't. I thought they'd all changed their minds about the previous day out of nowhere, or that this was because of (what I thought was) the breakup. I only learned what they actually thought much later. Oh, and my ex told me I needed therapy and he never wanted anything to do with me again (which is when I learned I'd been wrong about the breakup).

Again, I know me venting was harmful no matter what, so in that regard I am the asshole, but I still feel like there's a difference between what I did and deliberate manipulation, and surely people I'd been friends with for years could have spoken to me before assuming things?

So at that point I'd lost a beloved pet, my partner, and most of my close friends, within a day. So at that point I tried but failed to commit suicide, and was hospitalized.

While in the hospital, I didn't get a single word from any of my friends, except for one person. Supposedly, everyone had been "worried out of their minds" when they saw my suicide note. But not worried enough for a single word.

Even the one person who talked to me got extremely defensive and angry if I so much as implied I felt hurt by the group's actions. They even tried to hold it over my head how "despite everything you did X and Y were super worried about you" as if being worried about someone comitting suicide is some kind of heroic saint.

I asked to be allowed to talk things out with them, but was told "the others aren't comfortable associating with you", so I had to write a fucking google doc letter. I explained the situation from my perspective, apologized for my actions etc, but also made it clear that I felt hurt and didn't think their reaction was justified and that they should have at least talked to me first, and that I was very open to talking things out in person if any of them wanted to get back to me.

None of them did. Apparently they were writing a formal collective response letter to me. At which point I had enough of the silent treatment and said that if any of them had anything to say to me they could do so in person. Which made the group extremely angry because I was "silencing" them.

About three people got back to me, and all of their responses amounted to "we don't owe you an apology, our actions were justified because we thought you'd done something bad and we were just trying to protect [my ex] and the fact that you're upset about it proves you are bad" one of them compared me to their abuser.

They also said they'd been "having issues with my behavior for a long time now", I wish I could elaborate here in case it'd impact judgement, but I can't because none of them specified, and NOTHING of the sort had been brought up to me previously.

So. Again, I know I am the asshole to some extent, because regardless of my mindset me venting on my tumblr was still harmful, but I also feel like I was treated unfairly and cruelly by my former friends. AITA here?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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optimisticstudentangel · 1 year

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Side characters supporting you in your hard times

There are times when you are burdened with too much responsibility and problems. You can't be prepared in advance for such times. It seems to you that everything will fall off your hands, and that you are good for nothing. And of course all this is accompanied by stress, and in the worst case depression. You tried your best not to fall into a depressive state, you struggled with your apathy. "No!" you said to yourself, "I can handle everything on my own!". Maybe you wanted to show in this way that you are strong and independent, or maybe you were too scared to ask for someone else's help. However, after a while, it was obvious from you that you were not coping with some things. Your appearance spoke of long sleepless nights, and that you urgently needed to take time to rest. And then I came to you:

Diavolo.

The demon has noticed that you are not in your best condition. When he saw you in the corridor, walking slowly to class, he wanted to stop you and ask what was the matter. You had huge bags under your eyes. In order not to scare you, the demon decided to quickly write a message to you. - Hey, MS. Are you all right? – the sudden message made you flinch. After reading the message, you didn't give it much meaning, and just replied: "Yes, everything is fine" - MC, please don't lie... – there was a voice behind you. The demon looked at you, his gaze was sympathetic, as if he was ready to listen to you. "Lord Diavolo?" - MC, if something bothers you, then please don't hide it. I am very worried about your condition, - tears treacherously came out of your eyes. You started hiding your face with your hands, and it seemed that with every second you were getting smaller and weaker in front of the future king of hell. Diavolo decided to quietly hug you, he didn't hold you tightly, so that if you were uncomfortable with his hugs, you could leave at any time. The fingers of his free hand wiped the tears from your eyes, he whispered softly: "MC, everything will be fine. Cry if you have to, when you calm down you can say everything that has accumulated in your soul. And I'll stay with you until you get better"

Barbatos.

The butler brought you a cup of soothing tea. You've shown a lot of signs of nervousness. You were trembling with fear, it was obvious that something was bothering you. Barbatos smiled politely at you, offering you different things and asking about what you cared about a lot. However, the demon's eyes were eloquent, it was clear that he was very concerned about you. - MC, I want you to know that you can always contact me. I will always find time for you and help you in every possible way," you quietly thanked the demon. However, you didn't immediately start sharing what was bothering you. "Maybe, being a demon, I don't really understand most people's emotions. And until this moment, I didn't care about how mortal people feel. However... seeing you sad is incredibly hard for me. Therefore... Please let me help you, MC," the butler's warm words made you smile a little. He waited patiently until you opened up to him. And the demon didn't care if it took some time, he was willing to wait as long as he had to, just to make you better.

Luke.

You locked yourself in your room. It was dark inside the room, the curtains were closed to the end, so that the moon rays did not penetrate and did not interfere with you in any way. You were lying on the bed covering your face with a pillow. Your phone was vibrating from numerous calls and messages, but you didn't even look at who they were from. After a while, you hear the sound of a knock on the door. - MC? the timid voice of the little angel sounded. You didn't even have the strength to get out of bed and open the door to the boy. - MCS, I heard that you are not well. Is it true? Luke asked you anxiously. - ... - you only answered with silence. "...Please keep fighting, and don't stop believing in yourself!" The angel exclaimed emotionally. "We're all worried about you, so... please........be strong!" you heard the boy's quiet sobs. "I may not be as strong as the demon brothers, and I can't skillfully support you, but I will be there! I promise!" - your heart started to hurt. It was very sad, but you realized that you had to open the door and let the angel in. Forcing yourself to get out of bed, you opened the door, the angel immediately hugged you tightly. His face pressed against your stomach, and your clothes got a little wet because of Luke's tears. This situation was touching and that's why you cried a little too. You stood there for a while, hugging each other tightly.

Simeon.

"MC, you've been very distant lately," Simeon remarked. - Hmm? I think it's because of lack of sleep," you waved it off. The angel's expression was serious. It was clear that he was not going to accept such an answer and you knew that he would require a full explanation. There was nowhere to go. You started everything from the beginning, expressing all the problems that took away all your strength from you. While you were sharing with negative feelings, it seemed as if you were getting a little easier. - MC... You're very strong," the angel murmured. "Sometimes you can show weakness and look for support in others, I am always ready to be a support for you," he added, without saying anything: "MC, we are always looking for support in you and asking you for help. You know, we are powerless without you, we are all dependent on you. This realization has come to me now...... Look for support in us just as we need it from you. You give us all of yourself, and I would like to repay you in the same way. So please throw away all your worries and relax, you should take a break from everything. I give my word to change your situation and make everything better"

Solomon.

He invited you for an evening walk. You walked along the park in silence, occasionally looking at each other. "Everything will be fine," Solomon finally said. You had little faith in it, but you agreed with him anyway. - You know, MC, we people need moments when we need a break from everything. Your deplorable condition is a message from your body, it is tired of being strong. You can't ignore your needs and feelings, it's not good for your health. Besides, you have 9 strongest demons on your side, angels... And of course I am. We will always protect you and support you no matter what, - you stopped. You tilted your head down so that Solomon wouldn't see your tears. You've been wanting to hear these words for so long. Solomon pressed your head to his shoulder so that none of the passers-by could see your tears. He was ready to accompany you in your weak moments so that you would not suffer alone. - Don't hold back, I'm here. We're all with you.

#obey me #obey me scenarios #obey me side characters #obey me fanfic #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me luke #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #diavolo x reader #barbatos x reader #simeon x reader #solomon x reader #simeon cult

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zainmalik · 9 months

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hi everyone!!! so as a lot of you know i’ve been struggling with mental health these past couple of weeks, particularly with intrusive thoughts. it’s not something i’m new to, as i’ve struggled with them for years as a result of my anxiety disorder. however, this time it’s affecting something that i’ve considered my safe space and comfort for a long time, and in turn has made me relapse into depression. because of this, i’ve decided that after the nyc show i’ll take a long break, and since louis and harry will be on breaks anyway i won’t get fomo, which is what’s kept me here. unfortunately having intrusive thoughts when you have an anxiety disorder is permanent, so during the break i’ll work on co-existing with them so they can’t affect me and my life anymore.

i wanted to make this post not only to announce my break, but for other two reasons. one, if you’re in any way struggling with mental health or intrusive thoughts, know that you’re not alone in this. your intrusive thoughts do not define you. they’re not secretly something you actually want or desire. they make you feel bad, uncomfortable, disgusted, angry, sad, etc for a reason. you are not your intrusive thoughts. i learned that the more you fight them, the more you think about them, and the more they’ll affect you. the first step is to accept them as something that’s there, let them flow, let them pass, explore them in your mind, so the anguish feeling will slowly fade and eventually they’ll be background noise, and then leave. talk to someone you trust about them. write them down. shout them. let them out. seek mental help if it’s possible. just remember, once again, you are not alone in this. remember to be kind to yourself.

two, i want to thank every single one of you who has reached out to or thought about me in any capacity. from sending me encouraging messages to listening to me to even just liking my vent posts. it means a lot to me to know people care about me. i appreciate it so much. thank you all for being so kind, so understanding and so thoughtful. no matter what, i will always remember this.

i don’t have much else to say. be kind. stay safe. you are not alone. i love you.

#logan.txt

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pumpkzsafeplace · 25 days

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bear and babbles 🧸ྀི⋆˚✿˖°

welcome to the second episode of bear and babbles!! last week went really well, so we're excited to continue & help as much as we can hehe! ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა.

key code │ 🧸 - daddy │ 🍼 - pumpkin.

what is bear & babbles!

bear & babbles is a cute thing that we decided to create to help talk about agere in a safe environment! we will be answering questions (both me & daddy!) and answering some emails!!

i think it'll be fun to see both point of views too, from a little (and someone who struggles with mental health) + a caregiver whose been in the role for a while now.

all emails & messages will be addressed anonymously, please don't include real names!

today's topic: triggering topics

i decided to dedicate this weeks epsisode on dealing with trigger topics given what this month means to a lot of people & although it's important to talk about a lot of things, it still can be heard to deal with <3

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

🍼 : for me, i find it sometimes difficult dealing with triggering topics as 9/10 the triggering will happen when i least expect it. i've dealt with so much in my life, that i think i forget sometimes that i'm not some emotionless human- and that things do affect me.

for me personally, i've found that it's harder to deal with the emotional side of being triggered rather than the triggered epsiode itself. i always end up feeling guilty and embarrased for reacting the way i did, like it's a moment of weakness and vulnerability i don't want anyone to see- like it makes me less of a person.

when that isn't the case.

i think the more i've tried to work on myself, i try to see my triggered epsiodes as more as a shout for for help rather than an embarrasing moment. & when that happens, i do my best to comfort and console the part of me that never recieved that love when the incidents occured (if that makes sense).

triggering will happen, especially when you're healing from things other people don't know about. but i think as a society, we've gotten better at accepting each others limits, and knowing how to comfort or even appologise when it goes too far.

but if you're struggling to calm down during an epsiode, here are things i do to help.

🠲 distract yourself : whether that be by music, by youtube, by asmr videos - distract yourself with something you love, something you care about (no sad, depressing playlists!)

🠲 reach out if you need to : you don't even have to talk about it if you're not comfortable, but instead you could suggest watching a movie with someone, going out for a walk, little things to help take your mind off it.

🠲 comfort & console : remind yourself that you will heal from this fully, and you will get better. it doesn't make you weak that you got upset. you're allowed to grieve & hurt, that doesn't make you any less of a fighter or any weaker!

also know that i believe in you, you will always have someone fighting in your corner <3.

🧸 : When it comes to triggering topics, you have to approach people with the triggers in mind. it's easy to believe that something is not a big deal for you, when in reality it could be a massive deal to somebody else.

The person in question may appraoch their struggles differently, even joke about their trauma- but that doesn't mean that they're not still stuggling with it, or will not still be affected by certain jokes/topics.

It's important to approach senstive topics in a way that makes them comfortable, and sometimes that may be in different ways that you think. i.e, texting instead of speaking, telling things vageuly instead of to the point.

As long as you're willing to listen and adapt you should be okay, and for those who are suffering- just know that there are people around that care about you, they might put their foot in their mouth sometimes when it comes to certain things, but they care, they're just learning too :).

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

i hoped this helped anyone who needed it !! <3

if you want to send an email for us to respond to, or if you have any quick fire questions you wanted answered more in depth, leave a comment or send an email using the address below!!

(tee_bee_bambi(@)hotmail.com)

gif isn't mine

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ingravinoveritas · 6 months

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regarding the post today about Anna's nasty comments, "jokes" etc about Michael's appearance in the last few years. Do you think there is genuine reason to feel worried about him and what it may be doing to his mental health overall? What I mean is I am starting to worry and then it makes start to spiral a bit and think that if he stays with her longer that the possibility of her "soft bullying" will escalate into actual abuse and I really don't want to think like that but it really makes me worry for him. Please tell me what you think and should I just take a step back and not think on it too hard (am I?) If you agree with me though, what do you think can be done to help him? Like as in a safe way for him to break up with her? I appreciate whatever you can do to help ease my mind at least.

martinsharmony replied to your post "So for those who haven't seen, AL posted a new..."

I have to wonder about Michael's state of mind. He has said he has his own body issues and has struggled with depression etc. The fact that he is "letting" her do this makes me worry about him a little. The fact that he's not standing up for himself and setting a boundary. From my own experience, all of this is okay, until it's not. My heart goes out to Michael. Of course I don't know the real truth. But I see a little of myself there. I recognize it.

(Grouping these two together due to having similar themes.)

First, I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to message me about this and share your thoughts. But I think there are a few things going on here, and it's important that we have some perspective. When I started responding to asks and questions about AL on my blog four years ago, it was largely as a counter to what many of us were seeing the fans do, which was idealizing Michael and AL's relationship and making it into some sort of fairy tale romance. Many of us could see things that did not seem to hold true to this narrative, but were afraid to discuss it openly. So the discourse became about open and honest conversations and speculation, and since GO 2 came out, that discourse has only seemingly increased (if the Asks and Anons in my inbox are anything to go by).

To your comments, @martinsharmony, these are some very good points you are raising, and I'm sorry that you see yourself in Michael's shoes. I think there's a chance many of us do, and is part of why we have the strong feelings we do--one way or the other--about this situation. I think a lot of us see Michael's visible unhappiness and are jarred by the sharp contrast between that and the narrative of him and AL being "madly in love."

I do, however, think there is a real risk of taking that line of thinking so far in the opposite direction. That is, if it's not okay for fans to assume that everything is perfect and wonderful and the absolute best with Michael and AL's relationship, then it is also not okay to assume everything is the absolute worst, because extremes in either direction are not a good thing, and reality often exists somewhere in the middle. Reality and relationships are also infinitely complicated, which means that there often are no easy answers.

Also, because things are not ever truly black-and-white, I think it's important not to conflate being an unpleasant person with being an abuser. There tends to be an assumption that an abuser is mean and nasty all the time, every day, but so many abusers are viewed as "the nicest person you ever met" by everyone but the victim, which is how they are so often able to get away with what they do. Conversely, someone (such as AL) might be self-absorbed, immature, and annoying, but that does not make them an abuser.

Again, in no way, shape, or form am I saying that it is a bad thing to care about Michael, or to want him to be happy. But what we are ultimately talking about here is Michael's agency--that is, his right to make his own choices, and to deal with and feel whatever he feels about the consequences of those choices. By either romanticizing or catastrophizing his relationship with AL, we are unintentionally removing that agency. We have to remember that Michael is an adult man who has been in many other relationships in his life, and has navigated those (with varying degrees of success) on his own. So while we can have conversations and engage in discussion here, it is very much not appropriate and not our place to intervene with any of this personally or to try and facilitate the breakup of Michael's relationship.

Remember, too, that Michael has people in his life that he can trust and confide in--his parents (who are still alive and live near him, bless them), his sister, his friends. And he has David, of course, which we know is a beautiful thing. He and David have gotten immeasurably closer over the last four years and it is genuinely heartwarming to know that he can turn to David. The point here is that while we are fans of Michael's, we are not his family nor his friends. But Michael is not alone in this, and has support available to him, and that is something to be grateful for.

Going back to my previous comments about agency, one of the things that I know I love about Michael is that he is always going to do what he wants to do. He has reasons for doing those things, which means that if he is still with Anna, there is a reason for that (even if it is, as many of us believe, due to wanting to be there for the kids). And if/when Michael should decide to break up with her, there will be a reason for that as well. The most important thing, however, is that it's his choice. That if he decides he's made a mistake, it's his mistake to own, and not something for us to save him from.

I hope this has helped to put your mind at ease. I also want to make it clear that I absolutely do not have all the answers, and this (like all my posts) is my own opinion. Taking a step back might still be a good idea, as we can all find ourselves becoming too invested from time to time, and it is good to take a breather on occasion and find perspective. Glad as always for my followers to share their thoughts on this post as well...

#harmoniaserpentine #martinsharmony #reply post #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #relationships #also i have no doubt Michael has set boundaries and spoken up for himself #so what we see on social media might just be what he is barely willing to tolerate #but that is a whole other discussion for another day #anna lundberg #thoughts #discourse

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aihoshiino · 5 months

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I dunno if its just me but it stands out to me that even though ai describes herself as someone whose never loved or been loved she seems to put a lot more emphasis in trying find someone to love rather than finding someone that loves her for being her

ai, please you deserve love too :((

(message from future claire from the end of this ask: to no one's surprised, this turned into an Ai essay... I ended up straying onto the topic of Ai's ideal lover, who that could even be and what 'salvation' and a long term positive arc would look like for Ai)

Nope, you're entirely correct!! It sticks out so bad to me that what Ai is actively looking for is not a person who will love her, but a person she can sincerely give her love to. It makes me want to eat wet cement!!!!

It's interesting to think that as Ai of B-Komachi, she probably hears people say they love her all the time. Viewpoint B even specifically identifies B-Komachi as a gachikoi group in the original Japanese text, meaning they are built from the ground up to exploit the types of fans who develop serious romantic fixations for their oshi, and with Ai being as popular as she is, it's almost a guarantee she has a whole army of these types of fans - and uh, we know for a very unfortunate fact just how sincerely and deeply obsessed with her a lot of these men are.

But ultimately, none of those people actually love the real Ai. As she herself puts it in Viewpoint B again, 'Ai of B-Komachi' is her idealized self - an ideal for both the fans and for Ai herself. She's a perfect, pure, invincible girl who loves everybody with no limits and no restraint. From Ai's perspective, performing 'Ai of B-Komachi' is an act of love outwards to the fans but because she's not the real Ai, none of that reciprocal love is actually for her.

The sad part, though, is that... Ai of B-Komachi isn't really that different from Ai herself! She's polished and airbrushed and lack any of Ai's human flaws but her strength, her warmth, her charisma, her playful sense of humor and her deep, deep kindness and her efforts to love everyone no matter what... those all come from the 'real' Ai and we see them authentically expressed through her again and again and again. But of course, Ai can't see that.

The reason Ai doesn't look for someone to love her, imo, is because she simply doesn't believe it's possible. She hates herself too much to imagine that anybody could ever love her as she is, so she compromises by slicing herself up into as many pieces as possible and letting everybody else reassemble her into an Ai they might be capable of loving. Even when she's directly asked who her ideal lover would be in 45510, her initial response is just sooooooo depressing.

"I guess I'd like to be with someone who doesn't lose their cool with me when I mess things up, ‘cause that happens a lot! Someone who gets all worked up over every little thing would probably get tired of me pretty quick. It’d be unfair for them, so I'd rather be with someone who's not like that."

Like... really think about what she's saying here. The narrator even specifically notes that Ai is as unfiltered as she gets during this stream and the best she can come up with is "Idk, someone who won't get annoyed with me even though I'm annoying as fuck". She herself even says a few lines later that even if someone told her to their face that they loved her, she simply wouldn't be able to believe it. To quote the 45510 narrator...

People evaluate others based on their own understanding of the world. Someone who lacks an understanding of love might struggle to believe it when others express their affection, just as a habitual cheater is more inclined to suspect their partner of being unfaithful. It’s one of those things you grow into understanding as an adult.

Babygirl I'm going to turn into a California fucking raisin!!!! Please!!!!!

45510 does conclude this train of thought with something interesting, though - with Ai's truest feelings that even the 45510 narrator can't dismiss or write off as a lie.

"I don't want anyone to hate me. But it's not like I don't want to talk about myself, even though it might sound a bit contradictory. I want people to know. I want them to know about the dirty parts, my rough edges, and all the rest, and I want them to say that it’s okay. That they accept me."

This is, ultimately, why Ai doesn't bother finding someone to love her as she is. Someone loving the real Ai would need to see the things she talks about here and not reject her. They would need to see the parts of Ai that she calls dirty, irresponsible, underhanded and impure and tell her that they accept her as she is, warts and all.

And she can't believe anyone would. Why would she, when she's faced rejection and abuse all her life, been failed again and again and again by every single person who had the responsibility to care for and protect her? The ultimate cruelty of Ai's life is, ironically, also its greatest joy: that the two people in the world who should have absolutely, unconditionally loved and accepted her as she was - her children - turned out to be people who, even years after her death, continue to only see Ai of B-Komachi.

I've talked about this elsewhere off Tumblr just in terms of writing Ai long term in fanfic and RP and what have you, but all this stuff is why I think the ideal long-term positive arc for Ai could never be one about Ai enacting change in herself - becoming self sufficient, learning to love herself on her own, etc. It would ultimately be a betrayal of what Ai's arc is trying to convey.

Ai is the way that she is because from the moment she was born, she was continually let down and failed by everyone else in her life who was in a position to love her. Nobody saved her from her mother's abuse, nobody helped her heal from it and nobody protected her from exploitation. This failure of care was so consistent that Ai ultimately concluded that she was the problem - that she had to make up for whatever about her was so reprehensible and lacking by being harmless and agreeable and useful and slicing herself to pieces so she could serve herself up in the most consumable way.

This is why I'm actually really glad that OnK has never gone the route of challenging Ai's assertion that she's dirty and impure - because the core of that idea is that Ai lacks worth because of that. Disproving her conclusion that she is 'dirty, impure, hopeless, etc' does not actually challenge this central idea that Ai only has worth so long as she is perfect and pure. Her salvation could only ever come from someone seeing her most wretched, dirty, ugly and miserable self - having someone strip her to bone and marrow, put their hand in her guts and cradle her heart and accepting her as she is, wholeheartedly, unconditionally and without compromise.

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #ai hoshino

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noodle-shenaniganery · 2 months

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Hello! You can call me Noodle. I have Fox to thank for that nickname.

If you know why @bear-owo deactivated their account, I would appreciate being told.

About Me

I am nonbinary and neptunic (or lesbian, if that makes more sense, though I’m also likely some flavor of aro/ace?), and go by he/they pronouns. Though, frankly, anything other than she/her pronouns are fine with me.

I am white, trilingual (Portuguese, Spanish, and English), and from Brazil. 🇧🇷 Oi, gente!

I am also autistic, and have *breathes in dramatically* social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, trichotillomania, dermatillomania, and maladaptive daydreaming issues (it isn’t officially a disorder yet). I am able-bodied and have relatively low support needs.

As you may be able to tell, I don’t really have that good of a sense of what is and isn’t private, so I’ll probably answer any questions you may have! Ask away if you feel like it!

My special interests are: snakes, atypical psychology, Greek mythology, and Egyptian mythology. I also like horror as a genre, as well as art in general.

Some more specific things I like, though, include The Owl House, Extraordinary Attorney Woo, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Five Nights At Freddy’s, Heartbreak High, Heartstopper, Young Royals, Gravity Falls, Red, White, And Royal Blue, Nimona, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Melanie Martinez, Sub Urban, Jack Stauber, and Evelyn Evelyn. Feel free to rant to me about any of these!

Warnings

Since I am autistic, I struggle with social interactions and understanding things. I would appreciate patience.

If I make mistakes, please tell me! Also, I swear I am pretty much never trying to be rude, offensive, or insulting, even if it seems that way. If I say something wrong/bigoted/misleading, please let me know! If my blog isn’t accessible, please let me know how I can improve it. This is meant to be a safe space. :D

Interactions

I love interacting with folks on here! If you ever want to send me a message, or an ask, or a vent, feel free to do so!

I reblog like… a lot.

I swear occasionally. Not that often, though.

I don’t technically have much of a tagging system, though I do tag posts that involve someone needing help with “help help help” and asks with “ask ask ask ask”.

Terminology Stuff

To avoid misunderstandings, this is how I use certain terms (and honestly, the only ways they should be used):

Nonspeaking - Not able to reliably communicate through speech (long-term).

Nonverbal - Not able to reliably communicate through words (long-term). I know some people who cannot speak use this term, though, and I will respect their preferences.

Important post about this: https://www.tumblr.com/five-thousand-loaves-of-bread/712714609459593216/my-frustration-with-going-nonverbalnonspeaking

Delusion - A clinically recognisable belief held by an individual who cannot be convinced otherwise, even though the belief is objectively false.

Psychotic - Experiencing psychosis: experiencing things disconnected from reality on a clinical level.

Psychopath - Someone who has Anti-Social Personality Disorder.

Narcissist - Someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Do Not Interact List

I don’t really have a DNI list. Just like. Don’t be mean? If you send me something mean, I will likely not be significantly bothered by it.

I am not trying to start fights. If you are trying to start a fight, and not a genuine discussion, please leave.

I do not tolerate hate against my mutuals of any kind. If you are mean to them, respectfully, please fuck off.

#INTRODUCTION POST TIME LET’S GOOO #hello Tumblr people #Tumblrfolk?#Tumblrinas?#I don’t know #hello anyways!

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reverie-starlight · 1 year

Note

hello, hope ure doing well :D may i please request an akaashi fic where the reader is going thru grief of the passing of their mother and can’t focus in class leading onto low grades for their semester exam making them feel even worse bc that’s not what their mom wants (reader always gets good grades) and reader feels like a disappointment and just breaks down one day?? i’m so sorry if this is too specific, just finding it hard to cope and no one understands!! thank you so much <3

ANON I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, but I have literally been dealing with exactly what you requested (still am, but now I'm on reading week so :P). And since I'm literally writing this immediately after a rough grieving session of my own, I feel like now I can tackle it and do it justice. bc... as someone who also used to get good grades before my mom died then started almost failing everything after... this hits hard!!

And just another little side note, I'm so sorry for your loss. if you ever want to reach out to talk to someone who's going through the same thing, my inbox or my messages are always open <3 dead mom club solidarity !! thank you so much for your request, anon and again i'm SO sorry this took so long.

{Grades and Grief- Akaashi}

warnings: death of mother (mentioned and focused on, no descriptive details), depression/grief, anxiety, this counts as hurt/comfort right? fluff and lots of support from akaashi. university life needs to be a warning tbh so its here.

gn!reader, timeskip!akaashi (except it's more like, in between the time skip cause it's university)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

your heart dropped as you opened your emails and saw that the grades for your midterms had been posted.

on one hand you were hopeful. maybe you did better than you expected? maybe you would open up the online portal and see that you passed. just a pass, that's all you were hoping for at this point.

you ignored the way your stomach twisted at the fact that all you wanted was a pass. you used to be at the top of your classes in high school, and now you were barely scraping by.

but deep down you knew it would be a failing grade. it was getting impossible to hope for anything better. you could barely find it in yourself to go to class some days, let alone actually study. it required more brain power than you could expend.

and on the days you did go to class, you felt like a zombie. mindless, lethargic, stupid. definitely not in any condition to take notes that were good enough to aid you.

you opened the email and sighed. another fail. you tried to convince yourself that you'd do better next time. that you'd start studying earlier, you'd go to your professor's office hours and ask questions, you'd do the work that needed to be done.

your future was at stake, why couldn't you just put in the the work-

this was one test in one class. there would be other chances to raise your grade.

breathe.

how many times can I keep telling myself that before I stop believing it? before it becomes an empty promise?

breathe. you'll be okay.

it's self-sabotage, how much longer can I just stay like this? mom wouldn't have wanted this for me. she'd want to see me succeed. I'm such a-

breathe.

you tried to do exactly what your boyfriend kept telling you: be kind to yourself. "you're grieving the death of someone who was supposed to be there your whole life. the one person you never thought would leave. it's completely natural to be struggling with your mental health right now. don't be mean to yourself." is what he had said. "take the time to feel what you need to feel, bottling it up will only make it worse."

you sighed and curled yourself into a ball on your bed. you were finding it hard to breathe.

feel what you need to feel, huh? when was the last time you had a good cry session, anyway?

the tightness in your chest only grew as you started to tear up. you tried to keep the thoughts of being a disappointment to your mother away, but you glanced at the picture of her smiling face on your nightstand and winced.

if she could see you know, you wondered if she would be angry or comforting.

grieving was one of the loneliest experiences anyone could ever deal with. unique to each person, not one person to share the same memories with, becoming acutely aware of your own timeline. and not something that happens often to young people. none of your friends understood. they could try, but they'd never get it. and sometimes you felt like they didn't even care enough to attempt it.

you've never felt more alone and you've never been more aware of it.

"and if you ever need comfort, I don't know how much help I'll be, but I'm always here to listen. it's never going to be too much."

so instead of dwelling on it, you picked up your phone and called the one person who would.

it took three rings for akaashi to pick up.

the smile in his voice immediately soothed you. anything related to your boyfriend felt like a blanket to you. comforting, warm and soft. "hello, my love, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

you sniffed and tried to get some words out without choking up. "keiji," his name came out pitifully.

"oh sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"can you come over, please? I need you."

"of course I can, I'll be right there. I love you."

"I love you, please be careful."

the second you hung up the phone, you let more tears fall freely. you didn't even know what you were crying about anymore, there were so many emotions mixed up inside you. but for some reason you didn't want to fully let loose while you were alone. you wanted comfort when you were at your most vulnerable- comfort and validation you weren't capable of giving yourself in that moment. there was only one other person who could give you that now.

while you waited, you thought more about your mother. it really wasn't fair that you had to lose her, why did she have to go? it didn't matter how long it had been since she passed, this type of pain will be everlasting, you thought.

ten minutes later you heard the door to your apartment unlock and you got up to greet him. he had a bunch of bags in his arms that he set down the minute he saw you walk out of your room.

he held his arms open and you crashed into him immediately. finally you felt safe enough to let the dam break. akaashi shushed you as you sobbed into his chest, rubbing your back gently and whispering soft affirmations into your ears.

"what happened, my love?"

"I- I failed another test," you hiccupped. "and I don't know what to do to help myself get out of this hole."

"oh dear... it's going to be okay."

he tenderly picked you up and carried you to the bedroom and you continued to cry into his shoulder. his heart broke at the sound of your whimpers.

once you were both settled comfortably on your bed, you took one of his hands and played with his fingers. "keiji, am I a disappointment?"

he shook his head before you could even finish speaking. "never."

"I just feel like I'm letting so many people down, myself included, but mainly my mom... her one request throughout my whole life was that I do my best in school. and now I'm failing and I can't help but think-" your voice cracked and he cupped your cheek with his other hand.

"baby, look at me. you are not a disappointment, okay? you are so far from that ever even being a possibility. and she would be so proud of you."

you looked up at him and your eyes widened. "but I'm not living up to her expectations-"

"you're doing your best. she would understand that."

"I'm not, though!" a flash of red hot anger ran through you. "I'm not doing my best! If I were doing my best, I'd be passing. I'd be studying, paying attention in my classes and not just staying in bed. not just staring at the ceiling and dissociating for hours when I need to be working on assignments. I'm not doing my best and I don't know how to fix it!" instead of getting upset at you for blowing up, he just listened to what you were saying.

as you got up to pace the room, you kept ranting. "I know something needs to change, I can't keep going on like this, but it's like I'm stuck, keiji, I don't know what to do and I'm so angry. and I'm tired, exhausted, actually. I hate this, I feel useless. I'm in limbo. I don't know why I can't force myself to change, but I'm absolutely not doing my best."

true anger wasn't an emotion you felt often before your mom died, but now you were well acquainted with it. you thanked your lucky stars you scored a partner as patient as akaashi.

"have you considered that you're doing the best with what you have right now?"

you paused and looked at him. "what?"

he shifted and took your hand. "my love, you've been through something extremely traumatic. you've told me before that you've been in survival mode for a very long time now. that's not your fault. you can't control it on your own. keeping that in mind, you absolutely are doing your best. you get up and keep going everyday. even though it scares you. you're still kind, and actively striving to be a good person. this rough patch is temporary, everything will be okay. she would be proud of you for everything you've overcome so far."

you bit your lip and looked down, shaking your head. "what if this is 'my best' forever? what if I'm not capable of changing anymore?"

"anyone is capable of change at any given time, my love, you're the one who told me that. I promise you, everything will be okay. and besides," he tugged your hand to guide you onto his lap. "the willingness to change and not just refuse to heal is there."

"but what if it takes too long?"

"it won't. there's no such thing as too long, everyone's healing process is different. and you have me by your side as well, ready to help however you need." he finished his speech with a kiss to your nose and you smiled a bit.

"...thank you, keiji. I love you."

"I love you too, dear. I'll be here as long as you'll let me."

"forever, if that's alright with you?"

"of course, my love." his arms tightened around you.

"can we stay like this for a bit longer?"

"mhmm, you've had a big day. we can cuddle for as long as you need."

you buried your face into the crook of his neck and planted a few kisses. "I love you,"

he kissed the top of your head. "I love you too, sweetheart."

you repeated the phrase over and over again, smiling a little wider each time he returned the sentiment with a kiss to your face.

"can I ask you one more thing?"

"go ahead."

"are you proud of me despite me failing so much this year?"

"I'm so proud of you, baby. nothing would ever change that."

looking up at him with wide eyes, he just smiled and leaned down to kiss your lips. "so proud of my baby. always trying their best. so sweet, so kind, just needs to be loved on a little extra sometimes. all mine."

a happy sigh was released, and with it, most of the tension in your body, so you rested against your boyfriend. "all yours."

you felt a lot better now. not perfect, and still uncertain about some things, but at least with akaashi there you knew you didn't have to go it alone.

~BONUS SCENE~

after a while of cuddling in bed, a thought hit you and you shot up, obviously in a clearer, less fuzzy state of mind.

"love, what were all those bags you had earlier? did you stop somewhere before you came?"

his eyes widened a bit and a blush spread over his cheeks. "yes and no. uh... before you called, I was actually picking us up some food and other things for a stay-in date night. I was planning on surprising you today."

you could have burst into tears again at how cute his confession was. "keijiiiii, you're so sweet!" you ran your fingers through his hair a bit and he melted into the touch. "what a sweet boy I have," you cooed.

he made a noise of protest and you giggled. "can we go see what you bought? please?"

he nodded and smiled at you. he was so glad you seemed to be in better spirits now. there wasn't anything akaashi keiji wouldn't do to see you happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this was literally just me projecting holy shit. that was really a look inside my brain, wow. but anon I hope you enjoyed it!! and I hope it was worth the wait, I'm so so so so sorry it took so long. this is the first thing I've managed to write in a while (and I wrote this all in one sitting!!). But the ask was very therapeutic for me, I really need this type of validation :'D

#akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi keiji fluff #akaashi x reader fluff #akaashi x reader angst #akaashi keiji angst #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader fluff #haikyuu x reader angst

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saratinz · 1 year

Text

Third Time's the Charm (Chapter 1)

pairing ➩ Matt Murdock x Reader (Modern AU)

series warnings ➩ addiction, depression, drugs, alcohol, smut, lots of swearing

chapter warnings ➩ cursing, smut, oral (f receiving), edging, overstimulation, degradation, praise, unprotected sex, creampie, pet names (sweetheart)

synopsis ➩ After the events of 'Fine China', Y/n struggles to fight her addiction to drugs, alcohol, and men. Said men being her two ex fiancees, who both left her on their wedding day. When she meets Matthew Murdock, she is immediately intrigued. Will she finally get her happy ending?

word count ➩ 1.4k

a/n ➩ I know the au is a little confusing, you just have to embrace it. also, comment or message me to get added to taglist.

Now that you’re on probation, you need to find a new passion. While scrolling through hobbies online, you hear a knock at your door. At the entrance, you come face to face with him. ”Matt?”

“I’m on my lunch break, you wanna go to Starbucks?”

“Let me get dressed.” You rush into your bedroom, trying to find the best outfit for a first date. You settle on your favorite jeans and sweater combo. In five minutes, you are ready to go. “The closest one is three blocks away, if you wanna walk.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“So, how did you find my apartment?”

“With my special lawyer superpowers.”

“You literally just Googled it didn’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Ugh, being Steve’s ex sucks.”

“How did you even meet him? I mean he’s like a famous superhero.”

“I went to high school with his best friend, who as you may know, is my other ex-fiancée.”

“You sure know how to pick ‘em.”

“I wonder how I got so lucky.”

“Well, maybe your curse is over.”

“So you wouldn’t leave me on the day of our wedding?”

“I would be lucky to marry someone like you.”

“Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special.”

“It’s my special lawyer superpowers again.”

“So after Starbucks, maybe I can show you my special junkie superpowers.”

“What do those do?”

“I guess you’ll have to stick around and find out. Here we are.” The two of you order your drinks and the workers swiftly make them for you. “So, I have to ask, how do you know I’m attractive?”

“I know because I, and this is gonna sound silly, but my senses are heightened, so I hear the raising of heartbeats, the turning of heads, and I don’t even need those to fall in love with your personality.”

“Oh so you’re into the bitchy addict type.”

“I’m into the tortured soul, I’ve been through some traumatic shit, so finding someone who understands, it just gives me comfort.”

“That’s a little fucked up.”

“That was a little intense for a first date wasn’t it?”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, think of it as our third date.”

“I see where you’re going with this, our first date was when I met you in jail, but what was our second?”

“The court hearing silly goose. You were super romantic that day, defending my honor like my blind knight in shining armor.”

“You really had to throw in the ‘blind’ part didn’t you?”

“I couldn’t resist.”

“Of course not. You’re only human.”

“I only have one question about being blind.”

“Oh boy.”

“Can a blind man find the clit?”

“Out of every dumb question, you had to pick that one?”

“I’ve literally been thinking about it since the day we met.”

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to stick around and find out.” He mimics your words from earlier. “Wait, how the hell are you already done with your drink.”

“I’m a fast drinker.”

“I guess so.”

“Hey, I know this is only our first real date, but I really like you, and I’d like to show just how much.”

“Oh really?” He’s got the hottest smirk you’ve ever seen. The two of you have unmatched chemistry, way more than you ever had with Steve, or Bucky, as a matter of fact. The walk home is pleasant, the banter is fun, and the two of you genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

“Well, here we are.” You break the comfortable silence. His lips are quick to run to yours. There’s so much fiery passion in this embrace, you don’t want to do anything else in your life, well, except for one thing. “Mr. Murdock, are you trying to get me on my knees for you?”

“No.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

“No, I mean, I said no because I am trying to get on my knees for you.”

“Holy shit.” You pull him inside your cramped apartment, leading him straight to your queen bed. “Hopefully you’re good at this, would suck if I fell for someone who can’t get me off.”

“Shut up, get on the bed.” You’re kinda stunned by his sudden dominance, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t turn you on. You’re quick to lie down on your back. “Good girl.” The throb of your clit is palpable. He follows you, getting on his knees between your parted legs. He reaches for the button and zipper of your jeans, quickly undoing them and pulling them and your underwear all the way off. “Now, if at any point you can’t take it say ‘red’, and I will stop.”

“Okay. Wait, what are you planning on doing?”

“Gonna fix that bratty little mouth of yours.” Without warning, he dives right in, licking your clit with a level of expertise you didn’t know was possible.

“Fuck, Matt!” He just continues to lap at your clit as he inserts a finger in your sopping wet cunt. Your right hand moves to his hair, and he adds another digit. It’s only a minute till you feel your orgasm start to build, and it is so euphoric, that is until Matt is pulling off and out of you. “Why’d you stop?” You cry out.

“I told you, I need to teach you not to run your mouth so much.” You gasp as he returns to his previous actions. And again, when you are just about to release, he removes himself. This son of a bitch continues to do this for the next five minutes, edging you over and over.

“Please, will you just let me cum?” He responds by putting every fiber of his being into your pleasure. He sucks so hard on your clit that you think it may leave a hickey, and you don’t even know if that is possible. You feel tears flooding your face and you’re so close to cumming you prepare for him to pull away, but instead, he’s giving you the strongest orgasm of your life.

“Now, are you gonna let me fuck you?”

“Whatever you want Matt, I’m yours.” The two of you remove the rest of your clothing, and spend a silent minute admiring and caressing each other’s figure. Unsurprisingly, he has a big dick, he just exudes that energy. His tip is an angry red, just begging to be inside you. And in a matter of seconds, he is.

“Fuck, your pussy is so tight around me.” He retreats, then shoves himself all the way to your cervix. He hits spots that you didn’t even know existed, and your stomach is set aflame.

“Can I cum?”

“Yes.” As soon as he says it, you’re squeezing him like a vice, and cumming all over him.

“Please Matt, cum inside me.” You beg as tears prick your eyes from overstimulation. He pushes into you one last time, spilling his seed into you. You both come down from your climax, experiencing jubilation of the highest degree.

“Let me run you a bath.”

“Only if you get in with me.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Wait, how did you know I have a bath?”

“Now that’s my special blind superpowers.”

“Right.” He pulls out of you, so that he can get off the bed and pick up your limp body that still has cum leaking out of it. Somehow, he manages to navigate through all of your clutter, and he sets you down on the side of your tub, turning on the faucet and blocking the drain. “Wait, do you have to go back to work?”

“I texted my partner, he said he could handle things at the office.”

“Great, now I can spend the whole rest of the day annoying you. This is going to be fun.” And it is, the time spent in the bath is sweet and sensual, and after that, you two cuddle on your couch, watching, well, Matt was listening, season one of your favorite tv show. You fall asleep in his arms, and he carries you to bed, in a half awake state. “Thank you for today.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

Previous chapter / Masterlist / Next chapter

#matt murdock angst #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x y/n #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock smut #matt murdock #matt murdock x reader smut #marvel #modern au

35 notes · View notes

ophernelia · 7 months

Note

THIS IS A LONG ASK BUT ITS NICE SO PLEASE DONT BLOCK ME!! Im too scared to come off anon but i wanted to say that i followed you since you were peachmilktea with 200 followers and i am like weirdly proud of how far you’ve grown. I know i don’t know you and thats the weird part but I remember when you started posting about lykaia and would only get a few likes (me being one of them 💀) and its really nice to see how far you’ve come now in just a few months. I struggle with depression and watching lykaia has helped me feel better and gave me some comfort. and i wont say copy because its not copying but Ive the influence i guess you’re had with some other creators and not in like a mean way but I just think that its cool. i saw ashleyplays post about you on twitter and it was nice to see my two favorite creators talk about inspiring each other. its made me want to try different stuff out in my own game and especially with reshade I hadn’t tried it before you mentioned how easy it is to make presets. Every interaction ive had with you has always been really nice so I just wanted to tell you I appreciate you and your content. And I hope you post a new build soon too!! xx

Oh my goodness! This has me bawling so if there’s some typos that autocorrect can’t fix, know that’s why. First off, the way I wanna know who you are soooooo bad! But I’ll respect your anonymity lol. If you’ve been here since peachmlktea then you were a day one for sure! That was like August of last year lol. And as someone who also deals with depression, I am so so so glad and happy Lykaia provides you with even an ounce of comfort. The whole reason I even make the show is because it helps me cope, so I’m so glad that it helps you out too.

And the influence thing.. eh I won’t touch on that at all. I’m a quick learner lol. I won’t miss the mark again. So, I won’t take credit for that. I couldn’t anyway. This community is filled to the brim with talented and creative people. Always has been prior to me jumping into content creation and will always continue to do so. EA gave us the bones of this game and everyone just said “Bet. Watch what I do with it”. But yeah that interaction with her was amazing! Its always nice when people whose work you admire tell you they admire yours. She’s lovely! I have nothing but respect for her and her craft. My personal stuff aside, a lot of creators in the community have been really cool like that. The creators hype each other up pretty often. We bicker like siblings every 3 business days, but we’re good for acknowledging each other too lol. And yesss! I’m a reshade girly fr now. It makes the game feel new every time you use/make a new preset. It’s a fun program to play around with.

But I am so grateful and thankful to you! This was one of the sweetest messages I’ve ever received. You absolutely made my day with this. And if you ever feel comfy coming off anon, message me privately!

#asks #not me crying at 6 am #this was so sweet my love thank uuu

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

Note

AITA for being harsh to one of my group mates?

(📳🎓)

For context, this is in uni, and most of us are between 18 to 20 years old. We've been assigned a group project we need to do basically, and while there were originally 8 of us, for the longest time there were only 5 of us. The other 3 were unavailable for a variety of reasons - until within the past two or so weeks, one of them (I'll call A) started showing up to some lectures. Not all of them mind you, but a couple of them.

Initially I was a bit 'ehhh' on A, simply because he hasn't shown up until now. However the rest of the group wanted to give him a chance, and for the sake of fairness we did. And for the most part, imo, he's been unreliable. He showed up recently to one of our more important sessions (the session essentially being producing a bulk of the work we'd need to do) and was genuinely helpful, but for me the pressing issues I have with him are that

1. He's inconsistent. He only got to that session because we prodded him about it on WhatsApp, and I'm sure that if we didn't he wouldn't have turned up at all

2. He rarely if at all communicates with us. He responded to one person (who I'll call D) twice and another person once. While in person he's a lot better, getting in touch with him otherwise is essentially impossible.

The kicker recently is that in person, we agreed to have a one on one meeting where we'd talk about what we've done so far and what he'll be able to help out with in the future. I arrived to the location, and waited... He never showed up. I texted him multiple times to let him know that if he's late he needs to tell me, and as I'm writing this he still hasn't even bothered to read the messages at all. I let D, who's our group leader, know and they believe he shouldnt share our grade. I agree.

However, the reason why I feel I'm the AH is because he says he's been having some mental health issues. He didn't specify what, just that it's 'been hard getting out of bed' and the like. He may have mentioned depression, but I also can't 100% confirm it. The rest of the group believe we should give him another chance, saying that depression is hard and that we can't expect him to be fine 100% now, and they've even said that D themself is inconsistent when it comes to showing up to meetings, which is true. They say that they themselves have had similar struggles in the past and they sympathise.

While that's fair, I'm also of the opinion that well... He hasn't even done a lot of work. Like at all. He helped during that session but has otherwise done fuck all. From a practical standpoint he doesn't deserve a grade simply because he's done essentially nothing since we started, even if it is because he's been having a bad time. However, he also hasn't had much time to prove himself that he is capable of helping, so it could be that I'm just pre-judging him out of cynicism.

It might also not help that I'm a very practical person when it comes to mental health - I deal with my own shit, tend not to burden anyone with my issues if I can, and just get on with things. My anxieties were rough before uni, and while it's gotten better in some areas it's gotten worse in others. Yknow, stuff like money, if I'm even eating properly, general life, personal circumstances, all that shit. However it might be that A is the type to get buried in his feelings, and my more practical viewpoint is me being way too harsh on someone who is struggling.

While I understand where my group is coming from, I still don't think A should share our grade. Imo he hasnt shown much initiative if at all for the group, and even if he was struggling the fact that he just generally hasn't done anything means I don't think he should share our grade. AITA?

TLDR: Guy in a group has done not much in terms of participating in our group project, because he's been struggling mentally up until now. Group is mostly sympathetic and wants to give him another chance, while I think otherwise, believing he's had enough chances already.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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odysseys-blood · 5 months

Note

then, can you give us a list of games you recommend?

i sure can thank u for asking! i'll try to make it a bit more brief but under my top 4 i'll add a readmore with a longer list in case u wana read that and not the like. Odysseys Blood Introductory Game Pack.

so starting with the top picks:

1. The World Ends With You

i think a lot of people have a similar feeling about this game. you play as neku, recently deceased kid with no memories no friends and a whole lot of attitude and your main goal is to survive the reaper's game for 7 days to get a chance at living again. he trusts no one and believes in nothing but himself and being an extremely depressed middle schooler, i related to him but watching the way he changes over time and learns to open himself up. its kind of an eye-opener and i've seen the same though echoed through a lot of different people like me who wanted to really give up but this game does take you by the hand and oush you to try again. make connections. live and whileit may be a struggle its alright because you always have the option to keep going. also the ost is AMAZING and the art style is very unique and the story and characters captivate you so well. idk where id be without this game honestly. preferably if you do want to play its best to play the og on a ds (can be done w/ a hacked one) but if not its on switch and theres a sequel! which is ok but its not as great as original twewy

2. Tales of the Abyss

ToA (or tota as most ppl tag it but i stick with toa to match the tags for other tales games. which are also good esp vesperia i just wont add it to this list bc its already gonna be a long one). what stood out to me a lot with this game besides the main cast who i love to bits, is its theme on religion actually. when i first played toa i was still in the church and the main theme of religion in toa can be boiled down to devotion is all fine and good, but don't let it rule your life. the fate that is written out for you doesn't rule you, you make your own choices. even if they seem futile, you still don't have to take your fate sitting down you can kick and scream and fight as much as you want towards another path if that truly is what you desire. and that resonated with me heavily. this one's a little more crunchy looking from its age but i still really like the graphics (and i played on 3ds lol) and the environments in tales games are all so stellar its such a good game. and oh my GOD the party interactions. tales games usually do really good at having main casts that are "6-8 people who have no business being stuck together but they are anyways" and i think the part for this one will always be my favorite. also last little bit but theres so much about identity in toa as well and the way the main character, luke, is written with his own struggles about feeling like his own person has gripped me to this day. ive heard this one is hard to find a physical copy of but like. again shoot me a message if u have a hacked 3ds

3. AI: The Somnium Files

i've been here since day ONE (not exactly but theres a youtube page for one of the characters they were using to drop some info before the game released and i was watching while that was still going so. close enough). i am obsessed with aitsf. my icon is even the main character (edited a bit and w/ stickers). this game doesn't have combat like the first to and is strictly a visual novel and i adore the way it explores the central theme of love, especially familial love and its many shapes and forms and how sometimes even through blood it just doesnt. exist. but that doesnt mean you dont deserve love. someone will be there to give it to you and if not you take it however you can. this is much more apparent in the left half of the game which to this day has made the mizuki route my favorite. this one's eveywhere (playstation, steam, switch) and goes on sale frequently on steam for like $7. this one also has a sequel which is pretty good but again i think the original is much better

4. Heaven Will Be Mine

honestly with how many people i see daily gushing over poetry and writing im surprised more dont play hwbm. its a space mecha visual novel set in the aftermath of a war where earth sent children to go fight an existential threat which may not have even existed and now all of those kids are adults who have grown up without the shackles of society on the earth which js funny enough, finally calling for them to come back. the writing is beautiful and fun to pick apart and if you're a fan of prose i definitely think you should give this one a try. double of you're lgbt in any way this game is good for its writing about queerness especially if you're trans. please play hwbm. this one's on steam and doesnt have a sequel game but the devs, worst girl games, also made We Know The Devil which i like less than hwbm but its still pretty good! that ones got gay religious trauma

continuing is just a list of more i like in no specific order. some of these may be a bit cringey but i like fun

Witch's Heart

listen i know theres some strange bias some ppl have gainst rpgmaker pixel games but like. 1) odd but ok 2) witch's heart is such a beatiful story i need you to throw whatever biases you may have abt pixel games RIGHT NOW. my header text comes from this game. it means everything to me. do you have a wish you would kill for? does your wish mean more to you than another's? how much will you let your selfishness control you. for a game that looks so silly it made me cry a lot. this one's free on vgperson's translated game list and theres still MORE BEING MADE. SO MUCH GAME. FOR FREE. LOOK AT ME. ITS FREE. and heartwrenching.

To The Moon/Finding Paradise/ Impostor Factory

this description is short but similarly a pixel game like the previous rec. its more understandably heavy considering you play as eva and neil who fulfill the wishes of the dying in their dreams. its sad. i cried. i cry a lot dont i? these r on steam

Just Shapes and Beats

a rhythm game this time! it's got a cute little story mode but it is just a dubstep rhythm bullet hell i like playing. did you know i was a dubstep fan in middle school well now you do and im sad skrillex is mid now. its on steam and switch. not a good pick however if you are sensitive to flashing lights or have epilepsy im sorry. i believe there are safe modes but i havent tested them myself to see how well they work

Paranormasight

paranormasight is a horror visual novel illustrated by gen kobayashi who, if you can tell from the linework on the sprites and in the portraits and what have you, illustrated for twewy. i'll be real i was ready to screan and cry 30 minutes in but its not actually that scary im just a wimp. this one could be seen in a similar vein with witch's heart in the idea of: what would you do to fulfill your greatest wish. how many people would you kill. because you will be killing. on steam and switch.

Bustafellows

for being an otome bustafellows rly got me. while being an otome it is still plenty silly but heavy with fun characters. also i think this is the first time ive really liked an otome mc they tend to be very waify and kinda annoyingly written tbh but teuta is a VERY fun character and not at all a stand in for a self insert. or at least she isnt good at being a self insert which is fine to me because i love a main character that has their own personality. a guy dies like 10 minutes in. this ones on steam

Mamiya

i seem to like a lot of visual novel games with time loops and dead main characters and this is another one. very dark but i love it to bits. also this one requires a warning list i haven't seen anywhere but i made one myself here. its on steam

IVE RUN OUT OF PICTURES. SO I CANT ADD ANYMORE BUT QUICK LIST YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK UP MORE OR JUST ASK ME ABT ANY OF THESE:

Lethal League Blaze

Hatoful Boyfriend

Fallen Hero: Rebirth (and its sequel Retribution)

Code Vein

shout out also to What in Hell is Bad. not for kids at all this one is explicitly 18+ but for being a goofy eroge otome it has. gripped my by the nuts and it has not let go. ive only been playing like a month help.

#cliff finally answers #anon ask #long post #just a handful of my beloveds but i did choose ones where like. these are games i chose myself #things that werent rly friend or mutual influenced

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thedisablednaturalist · 8 months

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so sorry ppl that cant read are sending you messages about those posts but i get it completely. rheumatologists and osteos and NP's want to hear more abt my decade old severe anxiety and depression and adhd and ~more~ diagnoses than chronic debilitating pain and just slap vitamin D pills on it and throw up their hands because "test results are weird idk what to tell u even tho i said it was this two weeks ago". abled friends and coworkers can have conversations about their mental health struggles but its looked at self pityingly if i bring up how my life is irreparably damaged by my physical disability because disabled people have to be strong and resilient to earn a place in their field and if you cant cut it just get on those snazzy disability benefits and let it get worse. i think a lot of abled ND people just cant accept that they do not experience the worst of life's struggles and that solidarity doesnt make us the same

I try to be understanding and answer peoples questions politely when I have the spoons and if they are genuinely confused bc I used to be ignorant as well about a lot of aspects of physical disability but it gets so tiring. Nowadays there are a ton of resources from physically disabled people talking about their experiences its actually quite easy to educate yourself on our struggles. Like sorry I get a little frustrated and rude when I'm constantly bombarded by ableism and rude ass people.

Also yeah that's exactly what I've been trying to say. Doctors can usually relate to people having mental health struggles and even some aspects of neurodivergencey. But they cannot understand someone looking completely fine and not being able to detect anything but complaining of horrible pain and constant tiredness outside of the lense of mental health. And if your mental health is managed or only suffering because you are in constant pain, they say you're faking, or OBVIOUSLY you just need to lose weight, or drink more water, or exercise more than any able bodied person does. People take one look at me and think the solution is obvious and I'm just too stupid or lazy to figure it out.

And me saying this isn't saying that mental illness is super easy to deal with. Its fucking awful as well and many doctors say this shit to neurodivergents as well. And this is especially true for poc and people with psychosis or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

I went to my first therapist in my sophomore year of highschool and got medicated that same year. I started investigating my health issues in college freshman year and have JUST gotten actual results from treatment. SIX fucking years later. SIX fucking years of CONSTANT PAIN. And I have great insurance and a great dad who just wants me to feel better (my mom is a different story). My parents are sort of upper middle class and I live in a very privileged area. Of course that means I can't afford to move out even with an ok salary, but at least there are plenty of doctors around to choose from and plenty of appointments available. I can't imagine how long it takes someone without those advantages. And even still I had to fight to be listened to, I had to listen to so much bs from doctors and had to go from doctor to doctor begging for someone to listen.

Like they really don't get how unbelievably hard it is to get care for physical disabilities, visible and invisible. If you're visibly disabled you get treated like a child and a monster and you're isolated from society. If you're invisibly disabled you get laughed at by doctors and ignored. If it's hard for you guys imagine that difficulty increased by 100%.

I try to be really visible when I'm working in a position I know has my back. I really try to educate young people and children on what my disability looks like and I hope disabled kids and kids who eventually become disabled can see me and know that their lives are valuable and they are valuable. And it is possible to find joy in your life and reasons to keep living. And employers shouldn't be able to throw away our resumes and pay us less just cause we may need a little extra help. I know what everyone thinks when they see me in my wheelchair and using my walking sticks and when I tell them I need to take a break as I'm running out of spoons. I know their first thought is what the hell am I doing here if I'm in so much pain? When people see me by myself in my wheelchair they think I must have gotten lost and separated from my abled handler. I love my job, I love what I do, and I want to be able to keep doing it. But I can't work as long as an abled person, I can't do it without accommodations. Hell abled people shouldn't be working as long as they do either. I wish to live a life where I'm free to do the work I love without killing myself and still be able to live a comfortable life. Every disabled person, working or not, deserves to live a comfortable life.

#chronic disability #chronic pain #physical disability #cripplepunk #spoonie #disability #working while disabled #sorry this is all kinda jumbled and longn #as you all know i write long posts #wrenfea.ask

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kithtaehyung · 1 year

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Ryen maybe you (or maybe the comments as well?) can give me some advice? You seem like such a hard working/ diligent person with all of the things that you do so I’d thought I would ask you :) How are you able to do as much as you do with work and hobbies etc. I struggle to follow a routine and that makes time management a literal disaster. I kind of drift day by day and this has made me very depressed and someone who hasn’t accomplished anything. I am 22 but have no idea what I will do with my future and no career sounds appealing. I feel like I am too dumb to get another job so I’ve been stuck at the same dead end one for almost 6 years. I only go to work 2-3 days a week and the other days are filled with distractions. And the days I am off I stay in my room and don’t talk to any friends or family cause I don’t really have that many and it seems exhausting to go out. So I’m not very productive and I’m not proud of myself much either. How are you able to accomplish so much and have a lot of energy to do as much as you do? You probably get burnt out but how do you manage to actually get up and do it. Also sorry if this is a lot!

Hey, love🫂 as diligent as I may seem, there are definitely times where I find myself on the couch wondering where the time went🤣 it’s not always go go go for me, either! My body just tells my brain to chill for a gd second and then it listens (kinda.)

When you’re drifting, it’s normal to feel out of place or like you aren’t doing anything. Like you’re kinda just there and not gonna achieve anything fulfilling.

But some of the general advice that I learned to break those moments are these:

Motivation can only take you so far; discipline is what you need when you have nothing left. Yeah you can feel motivated and ride that wave, but what are you gonna do when it’s gone and you still need to do things? Well. Sometimes you just gotta push through. Do that workout you didn’t wanna do. Watch that YouTube tutorial you meant to watch but put off for later. Study for 2 full, meaningful minutes if you don’t think you can. Before you know it, you’re gonna look back at all these things and be glad you at least tried a little bit.

Just because you aren’t accomplishing anything big doesn’t mean you aren’t achieving anything. Need to wash up? Take a shower—done. Achievement! Wanna send a message to someone asking for advice? Done. You did it! The smallest things can amount to the biggest impacts.

This is gonna sound corny as fck, but believe in yourself. You are what you have at the end of the day. I highly encourage less talk about what’s stacked against you and what you don’t have, and more talk about how you’re gonna overcome that and what you can do or get better at. Fake confidence until you really feel it.

Do I mess up? Yeah. Do I doubt myself? All the fcking time lmfao. But guess what: I get over those thoughts and still tell myself that I can do it in the end. Whenever I made my checklist of shit to do for my online shop? “Believe in yourself” is one of the checkboxes. And it’s not being checked off until I really feel it—but I’m gonna get there. I have to, because if I don’t believe in myself then how the fck am I gonna keep going when I hit walls?

You’re at a beautiful age. Lots of time to figure shit out. Tbh 22 is when I had these same damn thoughts, too, and I did waste a lot of it by giving in to them and just thinking I wouldn’t amount to much. But one day, I decided that I didn’t like what direction my life was going. (Discipline got me through a lot of it tbh, so I would say swallow some hard truths and do your best to try and keep trying until you find something you like and that you know you can get good at.)

You can do it. Cherish life as it comes🤍

#sorry if this was too much😭#i just wanted you to know that you have time #life doesn’t absolutely have to start in your 20s #you have time to figure it out #anon #*advice #mailbox💌#long post

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maddiviner · 1 year

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Hey everyone. I’m posting this to raise a question.

As witches and willworkers, we (should) try to show conspiracy theorists the door, particularly those who’re bigots. But what do we do about people who’re obviously experiencing delusions? Someone who’s mentally ill? Struggling and hurting?

As my username suggests, I’ve got a lot to say about this topic, but there’s not really an easy answer, and I think it needs some discussion. I’d be happy to hear other people’s perspectives. I do think people like me (who’ve experienced psychosis) might have strong feelings about this, but so might those hurt by conspiracy theories. It’s complex.

People online like to laugh when someone posts that the earth is flat, that the moon is a demonic lair, that mountains are trees, etc. When someone starts claiming they’re being “gangstalked” by aliens or the Illuminati, etc, people laugh.

My question is, where do we draw the line? Truth is, a lot of these weird delusions of persecution people write about online are symptoms of actual mental illnesses. So why do people treat it as funny?

Nobody’s going to post a video of me having a seizure and laugh when I bite my tongue. We don’t chuckle when someone with multiple sclerosis experiences spasms. People don’t post screenshots of people talking about deleting with “hahah look at that depressed loser,” so why the “hahah look at that stupid schizo�� vibe?

I get that it’s hard not to laugh, at times. Some of it can be quite ridiculous from the outside. If someone on Facebook tells you they think you’re working with the Illuminati to spy on them for purposes unknown, it can be hard not to respond with anything but a confused giggle.

Still, though. Imagine being that person, believing that. From the inside, it can be a terrifying experience. Those things feel unbelievably real in the moment. Three months later, you might find that low dose Abilify (or something) returns your life to normal, but believe me - delusions feel real when you’re in them. I’d wager that’s true for all delusions. When we’re in it, we believe it, we feel it - the fear’s real.

I don’t want to discuss my personal experiences with delusions when I was much younger. I’d rather have written this entire post without mentioning it, but I don’t think my perspective would be taken seriously otherwise. While frightening, my own delusions didn’t involve these kinds of conspiracy theories. They aren’t really relevant here, except to say that it feels incredibly real and terrifying.

In other words, you can be sure that the boomer dude accusing you on Twitter of being a “perp” working with the gangstalkers and beaming “nausea waves” at him really does believe it, and really is frightened on an existential level.

With that in mind, can we really feel okay laughing at people like that?

I guess we might be unable to suppress a private giggle when we read someone’s comment about the hollow earth, or those moon demons supposedly drinking our blood. But it’d be downright unconscionable to directly bully them, even under the guise of “trying to talk them out of it.”

It’d of course, be worse, to pretend I *am* the moon aliens that terrify them, and start messaging them. And yes, that happens sometimes. I have an old friend who developed schizophrenia in 2007 and is STILL convinced we were all working against him/stalking him (at the time) because another person tried to turn his delusions into a joke, thinking it would “make him realize how silly he was being.”

Of course, by “turn them into a joke,” I mean “pretend they were real” and act out the scenario via Skype while the rest of us frantically tried to stop him.

If we’re going to talk about why humor might make such situations worse, we need to discuss humor itself. There’s some evidence that humanity’s capacity for laughter evolved as a way of signaling to our comrades that a situation isn’t actually dangerous. In other words, ancient humans might have laughed as a way of saying, “Yes, this looks scary, but it’s not!”

When we laugh at these things, we’re affirming (to ourselves, if not necessarily anyone else) that we’re not afraid, either of the moon demons or the person frantically telling us about them. Thus, the “laugh at conspiracy theories” thing can be a way of inoculating ourselves and others against them.

We shouldn’t do this at the expense of people who’re scared and suffering, though. We should always take care to avoid making things worse for other people who might have been unfortunate enough to fall into this kind of thing. The issue, of course, is how to do that while also not allowing a place for such conspiracy theories.

I hang out sometimes in transhumanist spaces online. It’s not frequent, but I do keep tabs on the movement and new papers, etc. Naturally, the topic of human enhancement, cyborgs, all that, attracts some conspiracy types, some of which are clearly hurting. In those cases, the moderators of those places tend to show them the door, because reading more transhumanist material and interacting with a volatile online space like that could be harmful for them in that state. That, and of course, not everyone’s kind, and people were trying to “mess” with these “crazies” too.

What it comes down to is this. If it’s a friend of yours or a family member, you likely have the means to help, even if in a small way. When it’s an internet person, you really don’t. Trying to talk them out of it likely won’t work, and might make things worse. Play-acting to make them “realize they’re being silly” is disingenuous trolling, and you’re a grade-A piece of shit if you even consider it. Often, removing yourself from the situation is the best you can do, if the person seems to be in no immediate danger.

I actually wish I’d been banned from certain spaces online when I was dealing with this kind of thing. It sounds ridiculous, but many of the places I visited during my episodes delayed recovery. When you’re experiencing psychosis, material and interactions that would otherwise be innocuous can have straight-up toxic effects. There’s no sense to it - that’s why it’s psychosis, I suppose.

At one point I commented on here that I didn’t do Tarot readings for people currently experiencing mental health crisis or psychosis. I was called ableist for that, and told that I should simply “ask them their triggers and remove those cards.”

Yeah, no. Psychosis doesn’t play by that sort of rules. Or any rules, really. Even if, from the outset, I can’t cite “violent impalement” as a trigger, I might be terrified by the Ten of Swords, especially if I were experiencing delusions again. This is not a black and white issue, and I’m still figuring things out - I just think the matter of mental illness is an important thing to consider. And a lot of these conspiracy theories were intentionally designed by bigots for bigoted purposes. Popular conspiracy theory influencers nowadays exploit the vulnerable for fame and profit.

Many of these conspiracy theories are just updates of centuries-old antisemitic blood libel, though. And these ideas cause a lot of real harm. You only need to skim the news over the past few years to see how far-reaching and dangerous things like Qanon quickly became. How can we best combat this kind of thing, knowing that they specifically target people who are struggling?

We shouldn’t give conspiracy theories so much as an inch. We should be working to both debunk them and warn others from falling into those belief systems. But what do we do in situations where someone is clearly unwell?

As I said, delusions don’t play by normal rules. Mine didn’t. Presenting evidence isn’t going to work, and that’s not because the person is obstinate, either. I usually just walk away, disconnect - but this is something worth talking about. How do you handle these situations? Why?

Before I go, I want to also note that sometimes a response you post to a person online isn’t actually for them. It’s extremely hard to change someone’s mind by arguing with them online. Other people read those exchanges, though, and are influenced by your words.

In a way, when I argued with Qanoners on Facebook during the lockdowns, I wasn’t typing words for them, but for the lurkers who might come across it. I knew the person I was arguing with wasn’t going to listen, but I also knew we had an audience. So, that, too, is important to keep in mind when dealing with conspiracy theorists (of all sorts) online.

#witchcraft #pagan #magic #occult #new age #witchblr #witch #eliza.txt #ableism #gaslighting #delusions #actually delusional #actually psychotic #bipolar disorder #that’s my diagnosis #but even with something like that #psychosis does happen occasionally #and it hurts a lot

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