“Life begins at forty. Until then, we are just doing research.”

- Carl Jung

I wrote about it on my last blog and I'll maintain that Estinien's journey is one of learning how to live— going from losing everything and living only for vengeance, to the point that he nearly kills himself to slay dragons, to finding a circle of people he cares about and wants to not only defend, but live for. Come the end of the Dragonsong war, he has to find a new reason to wield his lance, and he finds it in the WoL and the Scions.

Be real with me. You're sitting in a bar and a 𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔩𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔢𝔞 with a massive sword rams into the door. Do you or do you not laugh

Friendly reminder!

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Men and masculinity are not inherently bad or untrustworthy things and I don't mean that in a 'misandry is real and a problem' way, I mean that in a 'I think some of you might have contracted minor radfem poisoning' way

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

I know Gabriel is canonically really popular with Heaven’s residents but there’s bound to be some heavenly loser with pronoun envy

Neil behind the camera all day tomorrow

some good news!! the spanish state's ministry of equality has finally passed one of the most progressive trans laws on the planet, shielded free and universal access to abortion and banned conversion therapy and genital surgery for intersex babies, among a lot of other feminist policies. the minister of equality irene montero gave a speech thanking spain's lgtb and trans associations for helping her draft these legislations. couldn't be more proud!!

WHY ARE ALL THE FUN JOB UNSTABLE

HAVE AT THEE!

I’m working on a new comic for my Patreon/Gleafer (several, actually, so jump on in, the water is fiiiiine) and I’m STOKED about this era!

“A King and His Castle”

Alternate universe that initially starts canon and then swerved sharply off course into a chased-by-demons-in-a-cemetery hellscape and a laudanum fueled demon babbling confessions and curses the whole time.

Weekly updates starting end of the month!

Aziraphale raising his wing for Crowley hits so different with the S2 context. I feel like we all looked at it as, here’s this sweet little principality, he’s kind and naive so he’ll shelter even a demon—but it wasn’t really that, was it? It wasn’t just some random act of kindness.

It was a message.

When Crowley slithered up that wall, Aziraphale was nervous. Because he gave his sword to the humans, sure—but also perhaps because he was seeing this angel again for the first time since he had fallen. He learns Crawly’s new name (Crowley never asks him for his name, he knows it already) and they have a brief exchange that was probably a lot like the ones they used to have.

Then when the thunder starts, it’s Crowley who’s first to move to him, to shuffle hopefully to his side.

I think when Aziraphale lifted his wing up, it was almost a way to say I remember who you are, I remember the kindness you gave me. I’m still here.

He wasn’t just playing umbrella. He was letting Crowley know he hadn’t been rejected by all of Heaven.