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jockedguy · 6 years

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Unfreeze (Change Theory, part 1 of 3)

ONE

You can tell a lot about the guy in the picture up there. You can see a slice of his life, just from the second that was captured by the camera’s eye.

1) He’s not too bright.

Look at his eyes, the way his face is moving from one thought to the next. You can tell that it takes him a minute to process, that maybe he’s not too quick. You wouldn’t be able to make a pun, or talk about current events, with this guy. He’s young, he’s in the prime of his life, he’s maybe a little disoriented because of the hot sun that’s been soaking into his brainpan all day. Probably got a little spin on from that last in a chain of four beers he’s got in his hand.

2) He’s not from around here.

Here, in the city, where there’s barely a gasp of green, you don’t see guys like this. You see a lot of reflections of the urban color palette, like how the sky reflects on the ocean. Endless gray and slate. This is a picture of a guy who would feel ill-at-ease in a city, hyper-sensitive to the inundation of noise and technology, to the constant floods of people with their shoulders ratcheted up around their jaws.

3) He doesn’t give much of a fuck what you think.

This is a guy who’s worked his whole life outside, with his hands. As a kid, he probably spent all his time crashing through the woods or smashing into the still water of the local swimming hole. He saw the sunrise most days, and squinted into the dusking evening, as bats came out to lazily swoop from dark to dark. He caught lightning bugs in a jar. He shot off fireworks and smoked cigarettes at the gas station. He has an easy confidence.

There’s more, too, I’m sure, but all we get is what we can infer from the split-second the photograph shows us.

He’s the kind of guy I see on tumblr, scrolling endlessly through my perfect kind of man. Of course, since I live in the city, this kind of guy is harder to find, except for various dirty phone chats or Skype messages. Stuff that doesn’t last, but is enough to get me off quickly and efficiently.

Briefly (since this story is about me, too), I grew up in the deep South. I knew guys like this, was surrounded by them - if you can ever really be surrounded by anyone in the deep South, that is. They were my cousins, my neighbors, my schoolmates. I was always looking at them, even if I wasn’t, you know - “looking” at them. My life took me quickly through school and college - I’m an intelligent guy. I quickly understood what it meant to succeed, and with that understanding, I chose a career that would make me a good amount of money and best utilize my skills - advertising. I’m very good at persuasion. I see things very simply, and I speak very logically. Clients tend to like that. Hell, most people, including my small group of friends, like that. I think they feel like it’s a nice break from the modern-day affectation of wandering around the point.

I also happen to be a gay man, still single as I stare into my 30s. I’ve had a few boyfriends, all of which except for one lasted less than a year. I was never content with them - they seemed to need me in a way that I found kind of repulsive. They were depressed, or lackluster, or we just didn’t have the same goals. I’m a creature of change. I’m not happy to sit in one place, thinking the same thing - I want to know how I can better myself, how I can be more efficient. I’d started working out at the local gym, experimenting with my form, with my muscles, when I found you.

I’d never seen someone so much like a lump of raw clay. And it wasn’t just that - it was as though that lump had been possessed of some metamorphic desire, some inherent drive. It was almost as though I could see a hundred possible futures super-imposed on top of you as you struggled, over and over, to lift the dumbbell. I could tell you were hyper-aware of yourself, of your surroundings. Your eyes would dart surreptitiously from guy to guy, quickly sizing them up and continuing with your lifts. I could tell you weren’t the most confident guy, wearing a baggy t-shirt with sleeves and basketball shorts that came down to your knees. Most guys would come to the gym wearing clothes that accentuate their bodies - you, it seemed, were trying to hide yours.

Who knows why it was that I was drawn to you. You were just like so many other skinny white boys in brand new sneakers and ankle socks, headphones firmly screwed into your ears to block out the anxiety clawing at your brain. Maybe it was that glint in your eyes, that metamorphic desire that I mentioned earlier - it reminded me strongly, almost in an olfactory way - of my own drive to transform, to better myself. I caught myself wondering what your story was. Who you were.

I wouldn’t say I stalked you. That’s not the right word, and I think if anyone asked you now, you’d agree. There’s just some people in this world, you’re drawn to them - you see them once, maybe a handful of times. Maybe they’re one of those “stranger-friends” that you see every day on your commute. You just know, deep down, that this person is going to figure into your life, somehow.

It was easy, actually. I started seeing you in the gym more often. Maybe you had just started going. One day, after we happened to finish at the same time, making our neutral, civil nods to one another in the locker room, I just decided to follow you down the street. In this borough of this city, I would hardly be noticed. It was almost like you left a trail in the air, though - I was able to lag behind at least two or three steps without losing track of you. You lived in an apartment building a few blocks away from the gym, slightly to the west and south of my own railroad apartment. Conveniently, a small coffee shop across the street from your place served as my outpost. I could watch you come and go as I pleased.

It didn’t take long to figure out that you were gay, too. I actually got to see a date break down in a miserable fashion, watching you and a (surprisingly) much bigger guy part ways in front of your building. As you went inside, he lingered by the front gate for a second longer than I would have thought, head hanging. This only intrigued me further - this guy, whose t-shirt barely fit over his biceps, had been left cold by you at the end of the night without even a hand-shake.

You became a challenge in my mind. Your seeming distance, detachment from the world, was a heady ambrosia that left me not only curious (for the first time in a long time, believe me) but your continual drive at the gym spiked that curiosity and stoked the flames over a period of weeks.

I knew you were gay, but it wasn’t the normal hookup situation. I didn’t feel like I could make a move, cop a feel, arch a brow, have you sucking me off the in the showers before you knew what was good for you. You were different somehow.

On the day we first exchanged words, there was a massive weather pattern shifting and sliding over the city. The Saturday morning was bright, passive, and breezy. By noon, the sky was swirling with cruciferous heads of cloud. By mid-afternoon, the thunder rolled & splayed warningly. I don’t mind a rainstorm - I even love a great thunderstorm - and I headed out to the gym for my daily workout in just a sleeveless tee, basketball shorts, and my Nikes. The humidity had balled itself up to a stifling percentage, and I found myself soaked with sweat before I even got to the front door of the gym.

I had been jogging in place on the treadmill for about five minutes, eyes on the ceiling-mounted televisions. Our President was up to his normal dramatic shenanigans on one. An episode of SVU was on another. Recaps of NFL games blinked back and forth on the other. I don’t actually remember when it was that you were beside me, but I remember you had the first word.

“Hey,” you said. Your voice wasn’t reedy, wasn’t thin, but it wasn’t deep, either. For all that, it had a steadiness and even had a wry twist to it, as though you had already seen the future of the conversation.

“Hi,” I replied, neutrally, not looking away from the screens.

“I’m Tucker.”

“Jordan,” I replied. Edged my speed up a little.

“This might sound a little weird, but, um, I’ve noticed you around here a bit, and, well - I like your form, you know, when you lift. Do you think you could, I dunno, help me out a little?”

You had a unique way of speaking. It wasn’t hesitant, but it did involve a lot more words than I judged necessary. But I was able to pay attention to the words that mattered. Kind of like when all the letters are mixed up in a printed word except for the first and the last, but you can still see and understand what the actual word is.

If anyone else had asked me that, I probably would have spit out some kind of laugh or awkwardly referred them to a personal trainer. I’m not a personal trainer, and I don’t know how to make anyone else’s muscles grow. But for you, well - like I said, you were different. I was curious.

“Sure,” I said between breaths, maybe even surprising myself a little. “I’m just warming up here, then I’m gonna head down to do some arms.”

“Ah,” you said, face falling a little. “I was gonna do legs. Well, maybe another time.”

“Well, I guess I could do legs today,” I found myself saying. “Arms are a bit sore from yesterday.” I flexed, to show you, and I remember seeing your eyes widen a little.

“We could compromise,” you said. “Chest?”

“Deal.”

And just like that, our first workout session as bros started.

We didn’t talk much, which I liked. You went someplace deep inside of yourself when you lifted - as though it took intense amounts of energy to spark that mind-muscle connection. You seemed to stare through your reflection as you sat on the bench, performing the pectoral flyes. When we did talk, it was cursory. Shoulders back, down. Engage your abs. Breathe.

And when it was my turn, you were the same way. Focused on my body the way you had focused on yours. Quick, instinctive comments. By the end of our session, my chest ached like it hadn’t in a long time, and I could tell that you were exhausted, too. You didn’t exclaim about it, you didn’t even groan. When we stretched out to cool down, the only reaction you had to our workout was a squeeze of your eyes & a slight grit of your jaw as the muscle fibers stretched beneath your skin.

You pushed your glasses up on your nose as you slid out of your shirt and blinked in the light. You were solider in the core than I’d imagined - even had the shadowed ridges of a four-pack beginning. “Wow,” I said, impressed despite myself.

You grimaced, but flexed, and smiled bashfully. It was at that moment that I fell in love with you.

Well, maybe not you. Maybe the you I could see in the future. My boy.

More like the guy you see there, in the pictures.

TWO

I could tell you were smart. There was no denying that. We started going for food after our workouts, which were at least twice a week, if not more. It helped that there was an amazing Thai place just steps from the gym, and we could order a huge helping of chicken and rice from the kitchen. A few of the other regular gym-goers would go there as well, some even of bodybuilder status, and I remember feeling a glow of welcome as we ordered for the first time.

There’s a nice, heady feeling that comes with a post-workout ache. It’s a glimmer, an aura, almost like being drunk. Tongues loosen, bodies are uncoiled. More primal desires are closer to the surface of the body than other worldly concerns. You spoke a little more freely - told me about your life. You’d grown up in New England, you’d always been a loner, you liked books and TV shows, you smoked pot, you drank craft beers. I had yet to see you out of gym clothes, but that was because we only met at and after the gym. You’d been coming along nicely, and I’d mentioned that. Your form was strong, your lifts were becoming smoother, we’d even added plates on the bench press. But when you talked about your life outside the gym, your eyes skated around restlessly. You picked at the neckline of your shirt. You shifted in your skin.

For me, that was like a vole rustling through the grass to a hawk on a branch above. Everyone has their secret unhappiness. For you, that was a sort of disappointment in yourself - you’d never really “found” yourself, you admitted. That was part of the reason you’d started coming to the gym. As a child, your father disappeared and you were left with only a wounded mother to give you guidance. You never learned how to form your own opinions, for fear that they would damage the delicate balance of the household. You found yourself, later in life, able to agree with any viewpoint - something that was both valuable, but also a massive handicap.

To me, it was the way in.

Identity is a tricky thing. You can either create it yourself, and defend it as best you can against the cynical hurricane of society; or you can collapse and let society give you an identity. This last way is often the quickest way to unhappiness, and I surmised this was your quandary.

I smiled, and leaned in. “Dude, you’re doing fine. Who cares about all that shit?” I injected a good amount of masculinity into my phrasing, squared my shoulders. Flexed, for good effect. Grinned. “Who you are is who you make yourself, right?”

“Sure,” you said. And before I could believe it, you looked up from your protein and grinned back at me. Flexed back.

“That’s the spirit!” I held out my fist for a bump, and you laughed, but you bumped back with vigor. “You wanna know a secret?”

“Sure!” You were eager to hear my magic. I savored how your eyes developed a hunger, how the blood pumped a little faster through your dilated veins. Your pupils even opened a little wider, as if ready to take in anything and everything I was about to offer.

I leaned back, clasped my hands behind my head - maybe winced once as my sore pecs felt the stretch. “The secret is ... there is no secret.”

Your face fell. “That’s ... it?”

“Hear me out.”

“Okay.” You were a little wary. Deer in the forest, but still rapt. Maybe you were even a little hypnotized, even then, before anything.

“You make your own identity. You gotta ask yourself, bro -- who do you wanna be?”

You sighed. “That’s just it, man. I don’t know.”

“Sure you do.” I laughed, easily, for good affect, and reached over to squeeze your forearm. I knew I had you, then. “You know what you don’t like about your life, right? You just told me. You hate feeling like the guy who has all the answers. You hate the constant barrage of news and politics. You feel depressed and frustrated. You can’t figure out how to make opinions.”

“Yeah...”

“Isn’t that how you felt when you started working out? Confused, lost, overwhelmed?”

“Yeah...” But something was dawning in your eyes. I felt your forearm flex in my grip. I didn’t let up on your eyes.

“And how do you feel now?”

“Stronger,” you said, immediately.

“Nothing has to stay the same forever,” I concluded, letting my hand fall back, crossing my arms over my chest and shrugging. “You have the power to change whatever you want about yourself.”

You sighed, and narrowed your eyes at me, unconsciously crossing your arms over your chest - just like I had, without even knowing it. “So that’s it? I just have to ... will myself into being a different person?”

“Is that what you want?”

You blinked at me. This was the crucial moment. I could almost feel the strong under-current of your desires, battering at your hesitation like a rain-swollen river at the banks. If I’d done it right, if I’d led up to this moment perfectly, I’d hear -

“Yes. It is what I want.”

I nodded. “Okay, then. You’ve taken the first step.”

You nodded, too. “So what now?”

I spread my hands, then my mouth, into a wolfish smile. “Now we begin.”

[To be continued.]

#jockedguystories

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youryuri-x · 3 years

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₍ᐢ. ̞.ᐢ₎ ʕ•̫͡•ʔ ₍ᐢ._.ᐢ₎ ᐢ..ᐢ

Today has been up and down

Up and down up and down. It hasn't stopped. Not since morning...all i wanted was for you to have the best birthday.for you to be happy on your birthday. I wished and I manifested. And I'm so so happy to hear have had the the happy birthday you deserve.

Aw you looked so cute today...your birthday sash that was completely adorable on you and odlysuited you really well...i thought you looked so so good in it...every day I look at you.

Hehe you really did look like 'the king of the day' , or whatever it said on that sash...

I take a moment (it many) to take in your beauty. I'm always shocked at how much of an immense amount of beauty you posses...its like every day your beauty gets more and more ethereal...

You always just radiate this aura that attracts me so much...whether it's through your beauty or through anything you do...its just wow.

And today your aura was such a beautiful one. It was almost like you were glowing with the birthday fever of happiness and excitement, and as soon as you were in my presence I felt it too.

Seeing your 15 year old self for the first time was....wow.i

was feeling pretty on edge so when you came over to me as calm and as loving and cuddly as ever it made me so happy. That you stiw had time for me on your special day...it was such a huge comfort for me that you still cared about me even though it was your day...your perfect your perfect your perfect...

I said happy birthday to you and then you said it back hehe. It was rly cute and gave off the kinda clumsy almost shy vibes.... I've never seen that vibe comimg from you before...or maybe it was just me that noticed that.

But yes the highlight of my day personally was that moment.when you came over to me excited and in a lil clumsy shy tizz, and I told you happy birthday and you said it back to me. That was one of the most cute things I've ever seen you do irl...i wanna hear you do it again....

The rest of that lesson, which was English went by.

I got the plesure of being able to look at my birthday boy being happy out of the corner of my eye while trying to write something down about lady macbeth or whatever.but ngl I was definitely more focused on you.

English is that lesson of the day where I can look at your side profile for 50 minutes streight. And I love your side profile just watching you talk to someone or look at the bird or my personal favourite thing to watch is you running your hands through your hair, and from the side I get the best veiw.

I swear most of what I do in English is watch you like your something very very interesting on the TV lol.

But your side profile...its like a ethereal painting of an angel...so beautiful...and also kinds hot at the same time...

But yes you are compleatly mesmerising to watch...so interesting...i physically can't take my eyes off you.

I try and look somewhere else but my eyes wonder their gazr to look back at you. And I don't blame them. Your beautiful so beautiful. My eyes just can't miss such beauty.theh are drawn to your beauty like a moth to a flame...

Sorry if I sound creepy...i probably am..its just that my eyes can't stop looking at you...

You make English lessons such a treat to my eyes..and to my imagination. My current favourite fantasy is of me biting your neck like some sort of vampire lol >~<

I can't help thinking it. Ik it probably sounds weird but your neck just seems to be calling me to take a lil bite.... (sorry im weird asf)

But then the bell rang desrupting my vampire ass fantasies and snapping me back into the real world where I needed to get to physics, and biting your neck unfortunately wasn't my main concern...

Pysics...

I got to the class sat down and..wellt thought about you ngl. Just in a general way. Panicked that everyone else had got you better stuff for your birthday, and that I haddnt done enough, since I was the one with the honour of being your girlfriend.

And I mean your basically a god so it's a pretty big honor...

I between these thoughts I was doing the actual work that needed doing, and turning round to cheak the clock despite having a watch on.

Anything to see a glimpse of you, the light of my life in a dull 50 minute gray morbidity that is also known as Pysics.

The main event in physics was when you walked to the front of the class, allowing my eyes to take in your whole immage. I basically held by breath and just focused on you till I started subconsciously fiddling with my stapler again and gazing at you, basically drooling under my mask and then...

I stapled my mf finger. Your mf beautiful self made me staple my finger. It diddnt really hurt, until it started pissing out blood. I put a plaster on it and it was fine, but it shows how much of a klutz I am, and also how much of a sucker for you I also am...

Then it was breaktime. I gave you your present, and told you not to open it in front of me. Ngl it was a selfish asf thing to say...i was really self conscious...beacuse I knew everyone had got you great presents, especially after you told me that naci had made such an effort for you...

[Ngl I envy naci. She what I want to look like. Be like. I mean she has my old best friend and knows you I should stop lol. But just if your ever reading this, I've been envious of her ever since I've first saw her. Life isn't fair why can't I look like her?! I swear you'd be with her if I wasn't there...shes just wow. I wanna me her yknow lol? 🥺😩😩]

But yes I was really self conscious, and feeling in my full on jelous moody people hate mood, especially for the people who you were friends with...

It was probably down to the 3 hours of sleep I'd been getting for the last week each night, and the fact I'd been on the edge. But I feel really bad for saying that... I should have just lrt you open them...

Ngl I wish I'd have been able to see you put on a smile when you opened it. Put on the bracelet I made for you...too late now, but ig this will be a lesson to future me...

I swear allot of the time I use these blogs for getting better. Like being better to you cuz I read through my mistakes and I try to be better. That's why I'm making a note of these things lol.

Then I went with Angel beacuse I knew if I stuck around I could be a harard, being a jelous sleep deprived slightly Yandere aspie girl, I just decided to remove myself, cuz I was feeling like a big angry self concous raincloud and wanted to stay out of your way to give you the best day possible lol.

So then it was biology a lesson of looking at your extreamly attractive back profile....

And half listening to miss heart go on about the heart, ofc. All i knew was my heart circulates my blood around my body for you. Cuz your the one who makes it beat. And you make it beat fast.

I was watching you..ehehe I sound creepy. I pretty much am ngl. Sorry...i don't wanna make you uncomfy but I csnt help it.

I usually see you and fin pissing about during bio, but this time you squeezed his thigh. It made me pretty angry. That you would do this in my full view. It made me god damn angry, ngl. I mf wanted to lean over the best and squeeze your thigh, just so you'd know I'd seen. But ofc I diddnt do that. I'm too introverted. Doesn't stop me from getting angry and kinda hurt about it.

I mean im usually pretty sensitive about stuff like that. When your too close to someone when you know I'm around, watching or could see it. I try and egnore it with you and Sam. I don't like being angry and sensitive, especially not to you.

But sometimes it feels like I need to set some boundaries. Cuz you clearly dont see that there are boundaries of getting a lil too close to someone in the full view of your jelous asf possessive gf!!

Despite her not saying a word about it ever to you, trying to hint it to you, hoping you'd look back on these times and realise how they make me feel you haven't stopped. Ngl it doesn't bother me in the long term at all. I've got used to it. I got used to it with Sam pretty quick. But I always feel a lil uneasy when your too close for comfort or too flirty with someone else where I can see it even if it is just for a joke.

It makes me more uncomfortable becuase then it's like wtf are you like behind my back? If you think it's ok to do that in front of me? Everytime I think about I start crying ngl tears and all. I like to think I'm special to you and get special treatment I have no idea tho.

Your a charming guy with little boundaries. I don't expect much loyalty...i don't need loyalty I just your affection and love . Sorry for mentioning this if you ever see this pls think over what I've said.

That type of stuff really hurts me. When you do it in front of my eyes the thought thya your doing worse behind my back, even if it isn't serious, even if it's just for a joke.

I'm a sensitive little shit in reality, and I actually cried over your Instagram post becuase my insecure selfish ass was getting uncomfortable abt the video of you and naci >~<

Idk it just diddnt sit right with me that you put it on your ig where I could see. Idk if your seeing what I mean. Put yourself in my shoes about it...

But yes sorry.

Bio ended at it was lunch. I tried sitting with the group and it drained me I needed dto be be somewhere else where I could sink into the world of my mind, and the way I do that is through tumblr. Making sense and note of the things in my head.

I sat by jake. We diddnt really talk there was no need neither us us wanted a conversation I just felt comfortable cuz I knew I wasn't comoleatly alone. Jake was there so I spent lunch manifesting you a happy birthday. Obsessing over you and getting jelous. Being pulled into short depressive random states

Thinking about you. Listening to a capella ariana grande until I felt selfish enough to crawl back into people territory, to get some attention. I wasn't quite on jakes level yet I still needed some degree of people. I pushed down all my negative emotions and watched you lie on the grass for a few minutes, before you went, left me and I cried, becuase my self worth had randomly dropped, and I was thinking about the whole thing I explained earlier. I put on a smile and no one noticed. It made me feel numb. But then I saw how much fun you were having and was happy for the rest of the day, had an emotional high during French cuz I knew you were happy and that's all that mattered.

It was end of the day and time to get on the bus. One of the busses had crashed into my grandads car, the embarrasment of the family (according to my mum) and everyone was talking abt it lol.

I talked to a year 9 who knew kally and ened up giving me a hot spot so I could text you. I heard you liked what I'd got you so I ended on a possitive note.

I did two hours studding with my mum and did an orp with you. I was a lil off then tho I'm so sorry. I'm selfish. So selfish. But I gotta tell you how I feel. I can't hold it in anymore. What I've explained here is the only thing I'll shit talk you for

But yes. I' You've had the birthday you deserve. The birthday you really deserve and it makes m e feel so happy that you've got that. You've finally seen how much you matter to people. How many friends you have. How many people like and love you and I'm so glad you've seen that. Seen the amazing person you are x

. Sorry for being a whiny bitch. In a way I almost hope you see this...

But yes for one last time happy birthday my love x

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acuaticamber06 · 7 years

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Undertone, Chapter Nine

What. The. Hell. Tumblr?!? I tried to post this via the mobile app. I really did. I get halfway through the chapter and all of a sudden I start getting these pop-up notices that say I’ve reached the max limit for a post. WHAT?!? >:(

Well, I’m up and awake and DAMMIT, I’m POSTING my damn CHAPTER. (Now on a computer. Grrrrrrrrrrr...)

Let’s see how Grillby handles the “ringer”. Hopefully it’s not a ding dong ditch, eh?

Warnings: Light swearing?

Obvious disclaimer: I don’t own Undertale or any of the characters in it, just my own characters. This story is for fun. ^_^

Undertone, Chapter Nine

Grillby stopped mid-kiss and looked up toward the stairwell. He growled soundlessly. There were only two types of people who actually used his doorbell, and nobody delivered anything at 3 AM. That left only one person.

Rin gave his arms a little squeeze before backing out of his grasp.

"Do you want me to go see who it is?"

He shook his head vigorously and stepped into his room to grab a pair of sweatpants and his phone. He was 99% sure he knew who was up there, but he didn't want to take any chances. People who came knocking at this hour were rarely good news.

Grillby held up a finger as he walked past Rin to show her that he'd be back in a minute. She nodded.

"I'll be here if you need me."

The visitor went from pressing the doorbell every ten seconds to doing it repeatedly, and his annoyance grew with every step he took.

Why tonight? Why now? WHY?!?

Everything had just gotten settled back down. He and Rin had developed a routine. She really seemed like she was comfortable again. And she took the lead and kissed him this time!

This ends now. No more disruptions.

The building was rigged up with two different doorbell systems. One set was mounted in the living room of his apartment. The other was a separate button connected to a set in the kitchen of the bar. As he got closer to the ground floor, he could hear that whomever was outside was alternating between the two buttons. As if they weren't clearly labeled. And lit with a big security light. Grillby fairly ripped open the stairwell door and nearly gave the kitchen door the same treatment.

The night was damp and muggy. It felt like it had rained, even though he knew it hadn't. The moon was just beginning to set over some distant buildings, but he almost couldn't see it due to the security light he had installed next to the door. The high humidity created a weird fog that softened the edges of everything he saw. And what he saw was a familiar lilac-skinned Arachnid leaning against the brick wall next to the doorbells, pressing them like an unchecked kid in an elevator who wants to see all the buttons light up.

She stumbled away from the wall when he appeared, a sly smile on her face.

"My charms must be working..." she slurred. "I've seen you out of uniform, but I didn't expect you'd answer the door half-naked."

Grillby didn't have to look as he typed, but he glanced over what he wrote briefly before turning the phone around. He didn't want there to be any misunderstandings.

*Muffet, this has to stop.

"Aw, just come out with me! Let's walk under the stars or take a drive." She sidled up close to him and ran a finger over his bare abs. "Unless you have something...better in mind, Bii-bii?"

Grillby winced at the nickname and held her out at arm's length.

*You're a sweet girl. You taught me everything I know about tea. You own the nicest cafe I've ever seen. This isn't who you are.

"Yes, it is!" She pushed his arm away and sashayed away a few steps before twirling and coming back. "I can fit into the bar scene! I can be your lady of the night! I can be whatever you need me to be."

She batted her eyelashes and dropped her voice to a husky tone. "Tell me what you want, and I'll make it happen."

Grillby set his jaw.

*I want the old Muffet back.

"What?" She blinked in confusion.

*I miss the Muffet who would visit before the bar opened. I miss the Muffet who would stop at nothing to save her spiders. She knew how to be a good friend.

Muffet's eyes went wide.

"A...friend?"

He nodded.

*Yes. That's all I ever wanted from you: a good friend.

"B-but we can do better than that!” Four of her hands gripped at his free arm. “We could be more than friends if you'd just-"

*No, we can't. And we won't. I'm interested in someone else.

"You're...wait, who?"

*Rin.

"The HUMAN?!?" Muffet's voice rose rapidly in pitch and volume. She dropped his arm. "I've been trying for months to work up the courage to tell you how I feel and you're telling me that you're interested in a HUMAN?!?"

She began to pace angrily in front of his door.

"Humans don't like us. We don't belong here, and we certainly don't need to be mixing with them! Bunch of soft-headed, self-centered egomaniacs..." She turned three wagging fingers at him. "I am a better choice in every way! Your ugly little barmaid can't even do magic."

It wasn't very often that Grillby got angry, and there wasn't a lot that got under his skin. But Muffet's nasty description of Rin did the trick.

He felt his temperature grow hotter and the flames on his body leap higher. He knew from experience that the taller his flames became, the more distorted his features seemed, until he looked like a vicious creature snarling through a wall of fire. That was how Sans had described it, at least.

It was lucky that he had used magic to protect his clothes, or he would have burnt them off by now.

*Don't talk about my girlfriend like that.

"Your girlfriend?" Muffet scoffed. Then she seemed to change tactics. She reached out to touch his chest.

"Dump her and let me take care of you. Six hands are better than two-"

Grillby stopped her hand before it could make contact with his body. A purple glow encased it, holding it in place midair. Muffet's seductive smile faltered

*Let me make something abundantly clear:

When Muffet moved another hand, a glowing orb stopped it.

*Rin is a wonderful person and she's extremely important to me.

She tried to move the rest of her limbs, and the purple energy pinned them back. Muffet's expression began to shift to fear.

*I am not interested in dating you, and until you can remember how to be a decent person, you are not welcome here.

"Not...welcome?" She gasped.

*I suggest you start by pouring out all the alcohol in your house.

Grillby stared her down for a moment before he let the magic go. Muffet stumbled back, cradling her hands together as though she'd been burned.

"Grillby, I-"

He held up his phone and she stepped forward timidly to read it.

*I know you're drunk. I know you aren't yourself. You are not a bad person. But you'll have much better luck finding someone special by being yourself than by trying to change into what you think they want.

When she glanced back up at him, Grillby dropped his arm and turned away, not waiting for her response. He closed and locked the door, leaving Muffet on the doorstep.

***

When Rin heard the door shut, her gut reaction was to run across the room and sit on the sofa, pretending that she hadn't been listening at the foot of the stairs. That reaction didn't feel right, and honestly, there wasn't much that she actually heard.

Instead, she stepped out of the shadows and into the light Grillby cast as he walked down toward her.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded. His flames looked a little more agitated than normal.

"Is Muffet okay?"

Grillby rubbed a hand over his face and let out a deep sigh. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, pointed to it, and lifted an eyebrow.

Rin produced her own phone.

"Yeah, it's right here."

He extended a hand and she took it, trailing behind him to the couch. Rin took a moment to fold a leg underneath her as she sat. Grillby didn't really sit down as much as he relaxed all his joints at once and hit the sofa with a soft whump.

The air conditioner kicked on and cool air rushed from the vents. Rin could see the outlines of the furniture thanks to the thin sliver of light coming out from her bedroom and Grillby's flames. They seemed a little calmer now.

She studied the elemental a bit closer. His arms were flung out to either side, with his palms open and facing the ceiling. His closed eyes were underlined by highlighted bags and his head drooped down on his chest. He looked so tired.

"So, do you-"

She didn't even get to finish her sentence. Grillby rolled toward her and pulled her into a hug, resting his head on her shoulder. After a second, she cuddled into the crook of his neck.

Her phone chimed in her hand, and she lifted it to where she could see it.

G* I wish I could speak.

"Why?” She smiled against his skin. “Are you tired of your tall, handsome, mysterious persona?"

G* No. I'd just like to be able to hold you with both hands while I ask you to be my girlfriend.

Rin's heart jumped into her throat.

"You- you want me to be your girlfriend?"

He nodded into her shoulder.

G* We can wait if you want to. I know this probably feels like we're moving too fast. Monsters get attached to people a lot sooner than humans do. I just...I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time.

Rin hugged him tighter. It was as if something was pulling her to him; as if her heart wanted to be as close to his as possible.

"Grillby, I like you just the way you are." She sat back and smiled at him. "And of course I will."

He cupped her cheek with his hand and she leaned into the touch.

"So...Monsters get attached sooner, huh?" She opened one eye to look at him. "How long have you been attached, then?"

The flames on his cheeks turned a little blue.

G* You'll think it's weird.

"No, I won't."

G* It's downright creepy by human standards.

Rin lifted her head up and out of his hand.

"Try me."

He sighed.

G* I first saw you on the night that the stuck-up girl gave you so much trouble at the pharmacy. I thought you were pretty, but I didn't say anything. But it was when she left you here the day her car broke down that I knew.

Rin tilted her head slightly.

"Knew what?"

The blue shade on his cheeks deepened a bit.

G* That I wanted you.

"Really?"

G* I know, I know... it's creepy. But attraction happens so quickly in Monsters. We know for sure whether or not we should pursue a relationship very early in comparison to humans.

"Wait...for sure?" She pulled the blanket down and draped it over her shoulders. "How do you 'know for sure'?"

G* Its easy to tell. There's a...physical change.

"You change? How?"

Grillby hesitated for a moment before he continued.

G* I don't know if you felt it, or if humans can feel it at all. But humans are at least aware of the concept of a Soul, right?

"Sure." She nodded. "It's everything inside you that makes you uniquely yourself. It's your hopes, your dreams, your memories, your personality- all of the intangible stuff that makes you who you are."

Grillby nodded in agreement.

G* Well, that's the thing: it isn't intangible. The Soul has a physical manifestation. When two people are attracted to each other, their Souls are drawn to each other, and Monsters can feel them pulling in their chests.

Rin's hand reflexively covered her heart.

Is that what I've been feeling?

G* Anyway, it's easy for Monsters to tell how they feel about someone else because the Soul can only be draw out into its physical form when both people share that connection.

"I...think I have felt it. It was like my heart wanted to be close to yours."

Grillby smiled gently down at her.

G* That's a good way to describe it. I'm glad I'm not alone in the feeling.

Rin sat quietly for a moment, unsure of what to say.

Souls can be...drawn out? You can touch them? What do they look like? How do you-

Her phone chimed.

G* I don't suppose you'll let your boyfriend forgive and forget your debt from the move, will you?

Rin stood up and put her hands on her hips.

"Absolutely not! Just because we're official doesn't make me 'free'! I still cost you money to live here, and now that I'm working, I'm not about to cut into your profit margins any more than I already do."

Grillby laughed and sent another text.

G* I didn't think so.

Rin put her hand on her chest as the feeling returned.

"You know, we humans have a saying: 'The heart wants what the heart wants.'" She glanced up at his glowing orange eyes. "And I believe in following my heart."

It was her turn to take him by surprise. She pushed herself forward, wrapping her arms around his torso, bringing her heart close to his. The momentum was enough to tilt him over until they were laying side by side, facing each other.

Rin felt a blush heat her face. She bit her lower lip.

"Can I make my first girlfriend-request?" She asked.

Grillby lifted an eyebrow.

"Can we just...stay like this? For a while?"

Rin felt him chuckle silently as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She buried her nose in his chest.

"Thank you."

***

Sans ran. He ran as fast as his bony limbs would carry him. It didn't matter that it was the middle of the night. It didn't matter that he'd spent several hours on a ropes course at Gerson's mercy and that he was exhausted. He ran until he didn't have any energy left. Then he kicked on the magic and used that to fuel the run.

It’ll be fun, he said. Nothing to free the spirit like swinging through the air, he said. I didn’t know Skeletons could get rope burn, he said.

Running, as he was coming to find, was a form of focused meditation. You focused on your breathing or the burn in your legs and chest. You were aware of the energy as you spent it.

Some people sit on square pillows and hum one note for hours. Me? I run past darkened windows and inspire the nightmares of little children all over town.

It was still 75 degrees outside with the humidity off the scale. He could feel the moisture clinging to his bones as he moved. It was not a pleasant feeling. No, tonight was not a good night to go out, but then he didn't really get to choose when these things happened. Anything could trigger a memory and set off a cascade of reactions and negative thoughts. It was when he got to the negative thoughts that he traded his slippers for a pair of running shoes.

Sans rounded the corner and was mildly surprised to find himself a few blocks away from the bar. His runs usually took him away from the source of his troubles...not towards it.

That's okay. It's like facing a fear or something. I'll just run right past it and keep on going.

He picked up some speed and the magic in his eye flared. A few more paces and he could see someone stumbling up the sidewalk toward him. The figure passed shakily under a streetlight, and he saw a flash of purple reflected for a brief moment.

Muffet?

Sans slowed to a jog as he approached the Spider. She was hugging all six of her arms around her chest, as if she was trying to hold herself together. It took her a second to register that Sans was standing in front of her. When she did, her eyes blinked at him blearily and out of order.

"Muffet..." he huffed, putting his hands on his knees as he caught his breath. "What are you doing out here? The bar has been closed for hours."

She murmured something and hugged herself tighter.

"What was that?" He looked up from his hunched over position.

"Mm...not welcome." Muffet mumbled.

"Not welcome?" He straightened. "Where?"

"The bar. I'm not...welcome at the bar...anymore."

Sans snorted. "Everybody's welcome at the bar. Where'd you get that idea?"

"Grillby."

Muffet shivered in the silence that followed. No one had ever been banned from the bar. Not a single creature, Monster or otherwise, was unwelcome there. It was an unchanging place; a warm slice of home.

"Grillby banned you from the bar?"

Muffet nodded and started to cry. Tears streamed down her face from her eyes.

"It's that...wicked little...barmaid of his!" She hiccuped. "First she convinced...him to be her...boyfriend...then to...get rid of me!"

Sans' thoughts came to a screeching halt.

"Wait, they're official now?"

He put out a hand as Muffet swayed dangerously to one side.

"Mm...going home."

As she stumbled past him, Sans turned to walk next to her. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Here. Let me walk you home."

"DON'T YOU TOUCH ME!" She screeched, throwing his hand off in a fury.

"THE ONLY PERSON I WANTED TO BE WITH-" her voice cracked with an angry sob. "...hates me."

"But-"

She spun on her heel to bare her teeth at the Skeleton.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He was silent as he watched her move away. Once she was a block ahead of him, Sans stuffed his hands in the pocket of his jacket and followed Muffet from a distance. He would make sure she got home safely, even if she didn't want his company. He knew she was only lashing out because she was drunk and heartbroken.

But at the pace she set, Sans had an awfully long time to be alone with his thoughts.

Rin is Grillby’s girlfriend.

Keeping his eyes on Muffet, Sans started counting his steps in his head. He really didn't want to think right now.

***

FINALLY. Jeez, this chapter took forever, but I’m really pleased with how it turned out. Chapter Eight felt a little rushed to me, and I wanted to make sure this one was better.

I have a feeling that the rest of this week is shot for my Sunday update schedule, but I’ll still try. Maybe I’ll have a burst of inspiration. Did I mention that I’m writing this chapter by chapter? Oy.

Hope you guys are having a great week! Stay tuned!

Chapter Eight

Chapter Ten

#undertale #undertonefic #grillby #fanfic

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