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thatadhdmood · 1 year

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Working with Autism PDA (pathologic demand avoidance) by "strewing" (setting up an activity that u want to do for your later self even thought PDA wont do it right now)

Doing this removes barriers from doing the activity for later when the stress and pressure to do it has released without executive dysfunction of setting up the activity

#lmao no wait ive been strewing my bong when i fill the bowl and leave it for half an hour on the shelf before my toke LMAO #thatadhdmood #autism #actually autism #actually autistic #autistic adult #autism PDA #autism tiktok #PDA #pathologic demand avoidance #autistic artist #autism tips #executive dysfunction #adhd #neurospicy #neurodivergent #neurodivergent community

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the-cat-and-the-birdie · 3 months

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Hey all!!

I've been trying to write this post for forever but uhhh yes I suppose it's a lot easier to do a quick primer first but uhh

I'm so so sorry I don't answer asks! And I want to change that soon.

[a LONG post about autism, blog updates, and PDA]

TL;DR: I have Pathological Demand Avoidance, but I'm growing from it and hope to become more social on here in the near future!

If you've seen me asks or messages, I promise I don't hate you!! I love you!! I'm so serious

Soon I plan on making a longer post explaining what I've been preoccupied with, and also changes I want to make to this blog in the near future (all small and good!)

But to put it shortly -

I've been suffering from Pathological Demand Avoidance SO HARD and it's been something I've struggled with for some time.

If you don't know Pathological Demand Avoidance - or more accurately named Pervasive Drive for Autonomy - is a profile of autism:

In short though - because asked to do something, ANYTHING, even indirectly makes my brain stall. I know it sounds ridiculous.

It's not even in a cute anarchist 'I don't have to listen to you!!' type of way. Fam it's. EVERYTHING.

It's not so much the activity that's triggering it. I LOVE talking to people so much, but... like, speaking in conversation is like a demand. Someone calling my name is a demand, doing homework, showing up to places on time, brushing my teeth everyday etc.

It's often why young children with autism may not respond to you talking to them, say 'I can't do x, my legs don't work!!', hide when expected to do things, literally REFUSE to go to school (big me thing), etc.

It's linked to the diagnosis (and misdiagnosis) of 'Oppositional Defiance Disorder'.

That's why I may seem very extroverted (which I am!! ILY!!!) but I don't ever appear to talk to anybody or react to them.

For example - It's more likely for me to add to a tag game if I'm not tagged because when I am, I feel really happy to be thought of but then 'Oh God I have to do a thing. Not right now but soon. The thing I have to do. That eventually must be done. I have committed and I must Do Something. Me doing the thing is approaching. The inevitable thing. That must be done. The inescapable thing'.

ON & ON regardless of what it is. I'm not opposed to doing whatever it is, the demand could be completely self-imposed. I'm just opposed to doing something.

Anything preplanned, asked, or expected of me.

That's why I often abandon fics, or say I'll write an essay and then don't do it. I still remember, but finishing the essay becomes a self imposed demand and then.. I can't do it lol

All in all - this can kinda make notifications really hard for me.

@spidey-bie can tell you, even in discord I'm a little lurking gremlin who is only summoned at inopportune moments and when someone has pissed me off

Usually, my response is ALWAYS flight. I may like an ask or message and enjoy it, even have a response in mind - but instead of answer my immediate reaction to is abort mission and FULLY close the app and find the nearest corner, or try my best to appear offline.

IT'S WEIRD.

I have no idea if others will understand what I'm trying to convey because I know the concept may sound bizarre, and I get that. It really was a concept I only really learned about recently.

But that's why I mean seem very talkative and hyperverbal and bubbly but also like never appear to be social with anyone ever.

PDA is like -

Me: oh wow this person is so sweet. I consider them a friend, I should message them back.

My brain: Yeah.

Me:... message them back.

My brain: fuck you. anyway write an essay literally no one demanded

Me: Why? Can I at least write that fic that I left hanging for eight months

My brain: No someone complimented you on that once and now there's Demand. Write something 100% unrelated.

Me: *starts writing an essay no one asked for and doesn't even finish it because finishing it has become a demand even though I'm the only one who even knows the essay exists in the first place*

Like girl be so fr. Even saying this I feel like it sounds like a lie 😭 I got Hobie brain. Some old 'I'll do it but not because you told me to' headass.

I'm Miguel and my brain wanna 'Nah imma do my own thing' on some Miles shit.

Guess how many drafts I have. Guess. WRONG. TWO HUNDRED.

Nah be forreal is that normal? Y'all got that or nah? Is that common I'm being deadass 😭😭

And girl I'm not even gonna show the number in my inbox cause I'd rather be tarred and feathered than indure that humiliation imma be honest 😐 rather be burned at the stake

But I know that me being so active and like... Not Responding can be very hurtful and I'm so sorry!!

Though I know that didn't make up for it. I know it can make me come off as fake or mean but that's not my intention at all, I promise.

Honestly I just have a brain where everyday feels like opposite day.

But I'm a grown ass person and uh!! I want to change that response.

So please don't stop replying or tagging me in things! I genuinely do love it 💖

This blog is really one of my favorite places in planet Earth and I love this community SO SO MUCH.

Going forward I want to invest more time here and just meta writing in specific.

I'm thinking (girl I'm phrasing this SO CAREFULLY so my brain doesn't think it's a demand like shh I hope the autism doesn't hear me) -

I'd like to maybe designate a day for asks to be answered/queued (as many as I can pump out) because I really love talking with y'all and y'all have SUCH good ideas

I'm hoping to do more Spidersona stuff but I'MA HAVE TO PACE MYSELF OKAY that's not a Demand autism we're just having nice hopeful thoughts NOT A DEMAND

So uhh I don't know how I'll encorporate more Spidersona stuff but yeah... It'll happen.

Other stuff too. Other stuff.

[Notice how I have to be like 'I'm hoping, I'm thinking, I might, I'd like to,'. I'm ALLERGIC to 'I will' 🤢🤢🤢]

I plan on making another life update post just to clear up some things maybe talk more specifics. I'm thinking Tuesdays or Thursdays -

I'll most likely close my ask just to pump out the asks that are still relevant time wise.

I'd also like to take more about PDA in short posts of if anyone is interested. Honestly, I think there are some advantages to PDA.

YES I HEADCANON HOBIE AS HAVING IT.

I DON'T FOLLOW ORDERS NEITHER DOES HE.

Save me Hobie.. Hobie save me (I be using him to internally justify my PDA.. 'like Hobie wouldn't want me to answer this linkdin email' 😭😭)

BUT UHHHH If you read this far and you're still here I LOVE YOU YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME HOBIE BE UPON YE

I truly appreciate you, thank you for hearing me out!

Hobie says remember to be a public nuisance and never cooperate with anything and leave the function early and steal

I'm gonna go do something that doesn't matter and that no one asked for that I probably won't finish for no reason :) (/pos)

Bye.

#thank you all for understanding and I'm sorry!!#roman rambles #autism #autism thinks #actually autistic #autism pda #personal stuff

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sideblogformentalhealtshit · 2 months

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Am I the only one who despises "pervasive drive for autonomy" as an alternative to "pathological demand avoidance"?

PDA takes away so much of my ability to decide for myself what to do; it robs me of my autonomy. I struggle with doing things I enjoy because I make them into demands in my head, I can't watch weekly-airing shows because I tell myself that I have to, that I love this show, that I need to watch the next episode, and then no longer being able to. Because my brain has decided that it just Must go into fight or flight because... I am trying to decide what to do.

It just feels... gross, I guess, to dress it up as "i just have a strong sense of autonomy, i just don't like being told what to do ^_^" when it is genuinely disabling to me, not just in when other people try to influence me, but also when I want to do something and PDA prevents me.

#personal #pda #pathological demand avoidance #pervasive drive for autonomy #u are free to disagree!! in fact if u do i'd be happy to hear ur perspective (as long as u remain civil pls)#autism #autism pda #actually autistic #idk if i rly got my point across #it being that PDA actively robs me of my ability to truly decide what to do. it actively takes away my autonomy.#for me seeing 'pervasive drive for autonomy' immediately turns my mood sour. i don't think i'll ever like the term #like. pda IS what restricts my autonomy and freedom to choose what i will do. why are we dressing it up as a reasonable thing to experience #i am willing to acknowledge i might be wrong but i think my feelings on this are very reasonable

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butterfly-music-magic · 1 year

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Persistent drive for autonomy driven by anxiety that is not to see. Avoiding, demanding, procrastination, vivid imagination. Role Play and the most fun person to be.

#autism pda #autism #neurodivergence #love #mental health #heart #depression #anxiety #unconditional love

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punkin-hubbard · 11 months

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Started with new schedule today. This girl got up on time, ate a healthy bfast (zucchini and chicken nugs), made tea, took meds, etc.

It went great until I hit the exercise block.

Then I got myself all worked up about working out and ended up getting overstimulated. PDA is a struggle, ya'll!

Now I'm snuggled up under a weighted blanket, making this post 😓

Thanks to @whatsupbeanie for the best reactions.

#whatsupbeanie #says what we're all thinking #autism pda #failnation #glo up journey

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pixieverse-icedtea · 9 months

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i wanna go back and hug my younger self so bad, that little girl went through so much

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autball · 1 month

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A child is having outbursts at school, or at home, or wherever else, on a pretty regular basis. And at some point, someone suggests that they need to learn better coping skills.

They suggest therapy, or maybe there’s even a special program at school. Because yes, better coping skills/self-regulation skills/frustration tolerance really would solve everything, wouldn’t it?

Well those are fine skills to have, to be sure, but more often than not, it’s not what that child (or adult) needs most. What they really need is someone to figure out what’s stressing them out so much and then do something about THAT.

Because it’s not actually weird to be distressed over distressing things. Maybe *you* don’t understand what’s so distressing about school or the grocery store or that new person in the house, but that doesn’t mean *their* distress isn’t legit.

People reeaalllly like to suggest better coping skills for autistic, ADHD, and otherwise ND folks. (Since we already have a diagnosis, it’s that much easier to locate the problem in US.) And what they’re really saying with this an awful lot of the time is, “Can you please stop being so distressed by distressing things because it’s making a lot of work for us and we’re not about to change anything for you.”

So before you put someone in some sort of therapy that will teach them that they’re wrong to be upset about the things that upset them and how to get better at pretending to be okay, maybe consider that you might be expecting them to “cope” with more than they can reasonably be expected to.

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #autistic problems #autistic experiences #adhd #audhd #pda autism #pathological demand avoidance #neurodivergence #coping skills

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cancerstanople · 7 months

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What to do if you have a demand you desperately need to fulfill and you can't:

Make up a shitty little character in your head to give you the exact opposite demand, so you can avoid THAT demand while getting done what you need to get done. "Do not brush your teeth." Fuck you Janet, I'm gonna do what I want.

Make up a story that would reframe the task at hand as an act of rebellion or spite. "I live in a world where showering is illegal and if I get caught I'm going to jail for a thousand years."

Use that task to procrastinate on other tasks. "I've got homework I really need to do...hey I haven't done my laundry in a while."

#pathological demand avoidance #autism #pda autism #neurodivergent #adhd #actually autistic #neurodiversity #executive dysfunction

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ditzydoodiary · 4 months

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i feel really bad for saying this, but something i struggle with regarding my autism is trying to sound interested in other people's interests. i try so hard to seem interested because i know that feeling of being ignored when infodumping about your interests, but also, my own interests are so restricted that i cant get into/seem interested in anyone elses interests.

i cant get into things people recommend me, at all, no matter how hard i actually want to because it just feels like a demand. i also cant get into anything else even if i myself really want to get into it. especially if someone else's interests involve anything with real humans. cant watch anything thats live action, it needs to be animated and usually has to involve animals in some way.

#autism #actually autistic #adhd #level 2 autism #mid support needs #pda #pathological demand avoidance #pda autism #special needs #disabled

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autism-affirmations · 25 days

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#autism #autistic #actually autistic #autism memes #affirmations #autism affirmation #audhd #pda autism #pda #pda profile #pathological demand avoidance #persistent drive for autonomy

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 3 months

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10 Signs of 'Pathological Demand Avoidance (AKA Persistent Drive for Autonomy)

Neurodivergent_lou

#autism #actually autistic #pathological demand avoidance #pda autism #persistent drive for autonomy #struggle with authority #neurodivergence #neurodiversity #actually neurodivergent #feel free to share/reblog #Neurodivergent_lou (Facebook)

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autisticdreamdrop · 6 months

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fr PDA is tough

#our memes #meme #memes #pda #pathological demand avoidance #autism #autistic #asd #actually autism #actually autistic #autie #autism spectrum disorder #autism meme #autistic meme #autism memes #autistic memes

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butterfly-music-magic · 1 year

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Be kind to yourself in good times and bad, in sickness and in health — and even when you make a mistake.

You may think other people hate you — but believe me that is not the case.

You are ok — you are you — however difficult things are — even if you have lost who you are— there will be better days.

When the voices in your mind — are anything but kind — believe that I love you.

When you are all alone — and no-one is around — know that we all have been there.

It takes time to learn to love yourself — you don't need to be perfect — in fact if you were perfect you would not be fun to be around with.

When you meltdown — and say hurtful things, feel blamed and unworthy of human company — don't hate yourself — your brain was overloaded — have compassion for yourself — be kind to you — others will too — even if you don't see it — because no matter what I do love you.

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e114-6i11 · 8 months

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Too relatable.

#actually mentally ill #crazy #crazy? i was crazy once #mental health #mental illness #mentally unhinged #ptsd #cptsd vent #autistic experiences #adhd #adhd brain #adhd problems #anxeity #pda autism

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therianboyswag · 6 months

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pda and therian gang where r we at

#therian #otherkin #cat therian #pda autism

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b6d11f · 10 months

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i don't want to start any blasphemous rumors but i think that god's got a sick sense of humor and when i die i expect to find him laughing

#akane kurashiki #zero escape #zero escape 999 #zero escape vlr #zero escape ztd #art #//#spoilers #image lyrics: human behaviour - bjork #yes its been a while but be grateful my setup outside of uni is abhorrent.#tagged all the games bc her outfit is a mixture of them all #but more of a focus on vlr #fun fact the ribcage is actually one of those avant garde fashion accessories but everyones tagging it with like body horror #i mean cheers i guess it can represent both #also its so funny that ive drawn akane more than any other ze character bc when i first played 999 i hated her #i have pda autism and didnt like that the game was trying to force me to like her LOL but now i understand she is everything

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