Who’s the inflexible one here again? 🤔

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)

Autisticality

pathological demand avoidance in autism is wild. my body will be like “i need the bathroom” and my brain will be like “ok” but then my nervous system will be like “i perceive this as a threat so now i’m systematically going through all the evolutionary adrenaline responses”

god: “hey dude check this out” creates pathological demand avoidance

angel: “but won’t this like… ruin people’s ability to function in society, while also sounding like a bullshit excuse whenever a person tries to explain it?”

god: “exactly! that’s the point lol” >:3

angel: “…yknow, honestly, i think i might quit”

PDA autistic culture is hating the demand that comes with labels so much that you don’t even like identifying as agender because it still feels like…a gender (a concept which society forcefully imposed on you, and you therefore want no part of)

Me reading about PDA and how it shows in daily life and how difficult it makes it for us to keep hobbies because we really want to do them so that might be perceived as a demand so you just don’t do it…

I think that happens with me and writing

I live writing, I have a lot of ideas, even timelines and plots but I can’t write

It’s like an eternal writers block

I think that’s why I can only write short things, passionate things, mostly writing to let out emotions… but the moment I have to keep writing, to follow the story… it feels like a chore, it feels like… I’m being forced by the story to continue it

I just realized this and makes so much sense

PDA culture is hating when people recommend a piece of media(songs/movies/series/books) unless you specifically asked for a recommendation because it feels like a demand from them to then try that piece of media even tho you know they are usually just being nice but it just ends up feeling like you have to and so you put off/never trying it because of that

^

(PDA = Pathological Demand Avoidance)

Burnout as a PDA profile autistic is the worst.

The lack of energy leaves me with little room for demands. I am procrastinating sleeping as I type this because it is a demand. I have to do it, I even want to do it. This doesn’t change the fact that I am angry I have to do it.

I see the anxiety of PDA talked about. But my anxiety turns into anger so easily. I get so triggered interacting with loved ones that I don’t know what to do with myself most days.

I have a book club meeting and I am going to see a movie & then go to a housewarming party tomorrow. I am prepared to not do anything for the next 2 days in order to recover from this. I will not fully recover in 2 days, I will simply be in the same burnout spot I am right now. (Probably more like a week ago. I have been laying around for 3 days.)

It’s hard to recover from burnout when everything is a demand. Normally I cope by tracking everything I do in a day intensively. Now? I don’t want to look at my tracking pages at all. I don’t know what to do with myself, I can’t even watch a lot of TV some days.

I literally just lay in bed and do nothing for hours because I have to. If I don’t then I’m basically guaranteed to lash out later.

Autism Spectrum Disorder Profile -> Pathological Demand Avoidance

What is PDA?

it’s been really great to see posts standing up for the dignity and autonomy of neurodivergents who don’t need the quantity/type of social connection that neuronormative assumptions consider to be essential. but I do also want to spare a thought for the neurodivergents who have higher connection needs or needs for a very specific kind of connection that isn’t readily available, who go around feeling lonely in groups of people despite being actually really well connected and having a lot of friends. people who might develop habits for seeking that attention that aren’t productive. people who learn to be empathetic and read everything they see in anyone around them for the slim hope that sometimes, just some of the time, it might become something to bond over. people who pour themselves out a lot socially and know how to give, how to make other people feel every kind of seen and heard and accepted the way they only wish others would do for them. some people need more connection, quality connection, to function and be healthy and that’s a valid need we deserve to have met.

Autism won today. 😁

[Image description: A 3-panel cartoon by Autball.

1: Close up of Autism (a round, gold figure with loopy squiggles all over) and ADHD (an orange, firework-shaped figure) arm wrestling.

2: They are still arm wrestling, hands a little lower than before, with ADHD looking concerned. Now we can see they have an audience made up of Logic (a blue cube), Anxiety (a green, wiggly blob), Sensory (a rainbow colored orb with eight tendrils), Creativity (a yellow lightbulb-shaped figure), and PDA (a red, spiky figure).

3: The competition is over. Logic announces, “And AUTISM WINS today!” To the left, Autism is flanked by Anxiety and Sensory, who all look happy. Anxiety exclaims, “Yay, routine and predictability it is!” To the right, ADHD is flanked by Creativity and PDA, all looking unhappy. PDA says, “Sorry mate. Maybe we’ll get some chaos and novelty tomorrow.”]

PDA; Pathological Demand Avoidance

A profile of autism/also known as Persuasive Drive for Autonomy

A need for control/autonomy driven by (often unseen anxiety

Avoidance of demands and daily tasks even those they enjoy

Perceived demands or control triggers anxiety, fight/fight & distress

Likely to show “obsessive” or controlling behavior (e.g. control of others)

Survival instinct for autonomy overrides other instincts such as bodily needs

Uses excuses, distraction, negotiation, lying, ect. to avoid demands

Low-aprousal approach, trusts, choices, negotiation & flexibility benefit

itsemilykaty

How do I get my spouse to understand my PDA?? It’s taken two years for him to understand that I am autistic and things won’t change. Now that I have a PDA profile, which has always existed, he refuses to believe it’s real and it something I can change.

Take today for example:

Him:What Are you doing today?

Me: I’m not telling you my plan because then it’s a demand and I won’t do it.

Him: you really need to grow up and get over this.

Like, I can’t??? I’ve talked to him about PDA and sent him articles but the man, I have to admit, is ableist as hell. He won’t even support me in accommodations because it’s “a crutch.”

i hate hate hate having PDA (pathological demand avoidance/pervasive drive for autonomy). at work. at school. at home. everyone is like “do the thing” and i’m like “…… k” because i *want* to be able to do the thing, and i know everyone *expects* me to do it, and *all i want* is for people to see me as a trustworthy adult and not flaky or lazy, and i just. can’t???

i’ve been told i’m “making excuses” so so so so many times. eventually i started to internalize it. i tell myself that now. it doesn’t help.

Appreciation post for PDAers because I am pda

I understand you, I know it hurts to not get represented in media at all, it's really awful. I know it's uncomfortable that almost everyone views the word pda as ''public display of affection'' when we see it as pathological demand avoidance. It's so distressing to have to mask our pda traits to not be seen as rude and socially unacceptable. I love our community. We deserve love and acceptance and representation. We are not inherently rude. PDA is beautiful, our autistic experience is so unique and incredible. It is so distressing to grow up pda because so many people think we are rude and weird, even more socially unacceptable than non pda autistics.