In our society it only counts as emotional abuse if it fits within neuronormativity.

Telling a autistic person who is in a middle of a melt down to be claim is emotional abuse.

Telling people who have anger issues because of trauma to be claim is emotional abuse.

Expecting people with RSD to not have strong emotions over rejection is emotional abuse.

Saying people with BPD are abusive because of extreme emotions is emotional abuse.

You motherfuckers will say all emotions are valid up in tell the point it does not fit within neuronormativity. In which case the person is a "evil abuser" because you feel like there should be zero consequences for Neuronormative privilege. Yet when you trigger these feelings in neurodivergent people with neuronormative privilege are "innocent victim".

You ableist are codependent on neurodivergent acting, feeling and thinking like Neurotypicals and unlike actual codependents people who are acting that way because of mental illness you don't have an excuse.

☠️☠️

to try and destigmatise autism many people say "autism is just another a neurotype" (the implication is that autism is only a disability because of "society"). The argument is often said like this

"well, if you put 2 autistic people in a room they tend to communicate just as well as 2 neurotypical people would, just in their own way!"

And listen, this is partly true. Autistics generally have a much more enjoyable and successful time communicating with other autistics rather than neurotypicals.

It is also true that autism is technically a neurotype.

However, removing the "disabled" part of autism DOES NOT DESTIGMATISE AUTISM.

By removing the word "disabled" from the vocab surrounding autism, you aren't making autism more socially accepted.

You are trying to make autism more socially ACCEPTABLE FOR OTHERS.

You are removing the parts of autism that make neurotypicals uncomfortable (high support needs, unnappealing traits, gross stims, etc.) to make autism seem like this nice, quirky, personality type.

The reason this is super problematic is because for majority of autistics, autism is super disabling in many aspects of their life. The reality is that even if we lived on an island with only other autistic people, most of us would still be disabled.

Not only would we likely still have troubles with communication BUT - we would also still have issues with sensory processing disorder, dyspraxia, auditory processing disorder, chronic illness such as IBS, burn out, meltdowns, shutdowns, ARFID, executive dysfunction, etc.

Autism is an extremely pervasive disability for many autistic people and it can seriously affect every aspect of your life.

Trying to re-package autism in a way that makes neurotypicals comfortable is not destigmatising autism.

The only way to destigmatise autism (and other disabilities) is to continue to educate people on the disability, and to continue to fight against the societal ideals that disability and dependence on others are morally wrong traits.

IAtypen

[PT: IAtypen /END PT]

This is a self-imposed identity where you define your brain as being like an IA. It may be that you think in an artificial intelligence manner or that your brain functions in a similar way to an IA.

no id srry

I believe in autism to be both neurotype and disability. It’s two truths that can go together.

I have a question that I don’t have an answer for. I can see both sides of the debate so I’m curious, what are y’all’s thoughts?

Are mood disorders and other mental health conditions— specifically bipolar disorder, generalized/ social anxiety, OCD, schizophrenia, and schizoaffective— a neurotype or neurodivergency? Why or why not?

Please be respectful of each other’s responses. This is a learning, curiosity, and growth question to see what the community feels, because I don’t know what my opinion is on this.

Not a single Belcher is neurotypical and you can't change my mind.

I just read a post that begins with "A neurotypical brain is like an axe - it does what it does, and what it needs to do, no questions asked."

There's no point replying to op about this absurd statement, because they clearly just want to discuss their own neurodivergent brain. I know this. That's fair.

Hhhhh every day I read my dash and I roll a will save versus god

Some rando walking into my life, uninvited:

"Your only problem is you lack discipline. When's the last time you did something you didn't feel like doing? Or got out of your comfort zone, ya know?"

Me:

we really fucking popped off with words for being up to no good. scam. fraud. swindle. nefarious. dastardly. ne'er-do-well. diabolical. scheme. rogue. knave. there are real classics.

Random stuff:

My neurotype is definitely INCREDIBLY impressionistic, and tbh could be either suuuper lateral or the opposite LMAO prolly in the middle tho....I used to be super lateral but that has changed.

If I were to assign myself, I'd say

3C for Aaron/Gak (Room Brightener)

4D for Gold (Pure instinct)

I fucking hate the phase neurodivergent system.

ALL SYSTEMS ARE NEURODIVERGENT

Being ND just means your brain is incomplatable with the status quo.

i think what saves me from a lot of discourse is that i'm simply Not Reading All That

man I wish people understood how much it sucks ass to be neurodivergent and trying to find the middle ground where people like/tolerate you. like, I'm either "boring" (trying to wait my turn in conversations, holding space for other people, taking a back seat to let others get some spotlight) or "too much" (too loud/talking too much, getting excited to share, trying to participate in group conversations/activities). No one really talks about how much of being neurodivergent is just sort of trying to make yourself palatable.

I feel like so much of my life has been spent trying to find this effortless sort of middle ground everyone else seems to automatically already know, and I'm always swinging too far one way or the other. I'm lucky to have neurodivergent friends who grok me, but goddamn I wish that I could just like, exist without the constant background script in my brain that's like "you're being too loud. You're not talking enough. you're being self-centered. you're being boring. you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong." I feel like I'm back in high school trying to make friends but stuck as the eternal "weird kid"

it's just... lonely and sucks bad.

Hey I sent you the ask yesterday but I absolutely don’t mind you just posting it normally on here! Sorry if this is really long <3

my whole life I have felt like I couldn’t cope with things or do things in the way that ‘most’ people do & I am grateful that I have the things I’m really good at or enjoy but I still have times when I just can’t keep to the same schedules or cope with certain situations like others and finding out this is directly because of autism is a relief honestly 😭 I know a lot of people don’t like the church or Christianity and for real, I understand why especially when I think of things for me lately but I guess you could say I found my own beliefs on my own and I want everyone to be included in everything and be loved, happy and supported & I found this church that seemed to go outside the box and want to help and include everyone (also I felt like I belonged somewhere) but the more I realised they were almost pressuring me into doing stuff that I didn’t want to do but would almost get weird or angry w me if I couldn’t make it or didn’t want to. I have been really sick the last few months and couldn’t make it to literally anything or barely get out of bed some days and literally none of them reached out to me or would talk to me like I should make an effort even though I was so sick, sad and alone and the one day I actually felt good enough to attend, I signed up to help on the team and they deadass took me off and told me I’m ‘unreliable’ and can’t not be there for weeks and expect to just walk back in and be part of team after that. I was so hurt I felt like crying. I have tried to open up to people about things in the past there too and honestly most of the time I get a reaction like I’m to blame and like if I ask for help I get this weird reaction like ‘WeLL SHiT DuDE maybe you should just do this and not ask us?!!!!!’ And it takes me by shock every time :( but yeah I’m so sorry for the rant but it makes me feel like I’m such a burden for struggling w stuff and now I don’t want to even bother offering up my time to help them especially speaking on autism bc they treat me like I should still be able to cope with things idk it’s just hard and it makes me wanna have a breakdown sometimes 😅

Hey I sent you the ask yesterday but I absolutely don’t mind you just posting it normally on here! Sorry if this is really long <3

Hi!! I wanted to take my time with my response to be able to respond appropriately and to show myself care as well (I've had a rough week). I will respond in line to your message.

I don't mind long messages! I send long messages too haha <3

my whole life I have felt like I couldn’t cope with things or do things in the way that ‘most’ people do & I am grateful that I have the things I’m really good at or enjoy but I still have times when I just can’t keep to the same schedules or cope with certain situations like others

I think we often get bogged down with "how we should be" instead of checking in with ourselves with how we actually are.

Similarly, I have felt like I couldn't cope with a lot… and would kinda just struggle through it or force myself through it (burning myself out in the process). It wasn't until I got more support in adulthood from my therapist (and I've cycled through a couple!), psychiatrist (I am thankful I found a good one - I've been seeing her for the past 3 years or so), medical team (I have chronic health issues but assembling a good group of docs has been a challenge), my community (asking and receiving help is really important, I'm finding out), my NEURODIVERGENT community (it's been immensely helpful/validating to be vulnerable and to LISTEN to other people who have a wide range of neurotypes to observe how they do things or what they enjoy), spirituality practice (which is something I've been in and out of my whole life (was very atheist for a long time) but now I'm reclaiming this on my own terms), etc.

I'm glad that you have things you're really good at and also things you enjoy!!!

I think many schedules or even constructs of how to be human… can be really restricting because they're often not customized to your needs and abilities.

However, figuring out what your needs and abilities are (especially since they're dynamic) is NOT TRIVIAL.

and finding out this is directly because of autism is a relief honestly 😭 I know a lot of people don’t like the church or Christianity and for real, I understand why especially when I think of things for me lately but I guess you could say I found my own beliefs on my own and I want everyone to be included in everything and be loved, happy and supported & I found this church that seemed to go outside the box and want to help and include everyone (also I felt like I belonged somewhere) but the more I realised they were almost pressuring me into doing stuff that I didn’t want to do but would almost get weird or angry w me if I couldn’t make it or didn’t want to.

I'm happy you found a group and a set of beliefs that help you lead your life. Interpersonal relations within a community can be hard, especially if they do not understand or empathize with your needs.

I have often felt pressured by previous friends and family members into doing stuff… and then guilted/shamed about it if I couldn't do it or didn't want to. I think it is important to stand up for yourself and advocate for yourself in ANY SETTING… even if it disappoints others. Even if you're in the wrong. At least you're speaking up. (But I get that that's really draining, too... and sometimes not possible. I have often been non-verbal or didn't even know how to express what I was feeling)

I used to not stand up for myself because I assumed (or had a very unfair assumption) that people should just know! But people didn't know how to interact with me. And I think this is maybe autism because I felt like I was supposed to "know" unsaid rules of society for other people. I spent so much emotional energy trying to "intuit" what other people wanted… and didn't even realize how drained I was getting, how much I was masking who I was, or even who I was.

If things you can't or won't do disappoint a person or a group of people, then that could be a starting point for y'all (or even that person) to figure out why that's bothering them. A discussion needs to be had and reflections need to be made. If there is consistent harm or abuse that's being done (which I'm not saying there is, in this case, necessarily), then you may need to set some boundaries.

I have been really sick the last few months and couldn’t make it to literally anything or barely get out of bed some days and literally none of them reached out to me or would talk to me like I should make an effort even though I was so sick, sad and alone

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know what that's like. Long-term illness or chronic illness can be so isolating. And some people don't even know what to do to support.

Have you told your friends or community ways you'd like them to reach out to you when you're sick/sad/alone? It may help to say "Could you message/call me if you haven't heard from me this week?"

and the one day I actually felt good enough to attend, I signed up to help on the team and they deadass took me off and told me I’m ‘unreliable’ and can’t not be there for weeks and expect to just walk back in and be part of team after that. I was so hurt I felt like crying. I have tried to open up to people about things in the past there too and honestly most of the time I get a reaction like I’m to blame and like if I ask for help I get this weird reaction like ‘WeLL SHiT DuDE maybe you should just do this and not ask us?!!!!!’

Yeah that's highly inappropriate and ableist TO BE QUITE HONEST.

I feel like that's why we have to advocate and push back a little. Not a lot of people know enough about neurodivergence or disability needs. Or even human needs. I hate that the onus of that education and advocacy falls on us (the ones who need the help or support!)… :(

And it takes me by shock every time :( but yeah I’m so sorry for the rant but it makes me feel like I’m such a burden for struggling w stuff and now I don’t want to even bother offering up my time to help them especially speaking on autism bc they treat me like I should still be able to cope with things idk it’s just hard and it makes me wanna have a breakdown sometimes

I want to validate your shock and disappointment and hurt. That is a valid response to what you've been through.

You can rant and vent!! I do it on my blog and to my friends/partners a lot - but I'm trying to also be mindful of how much bandwidth they have for it too (my friends/partners are not my therapist or anything - and that's such an important line). Emotional expression is a really good way to help us regulate, in my opinion.

And your autism and neurodivergence is valid too. The way they can cope with "Thing X" is JUST AS VALID as you not being able to cope with "Thing X." I understand that a lot of people don't get that.

Final thoughts: Feel free to vent either to me or trusted friends/supports. I may not always be able to respond in a timely manner, but I'll try to let you know.

You shouldn't have to repeatedly assert your boundaries and needs in environments where you're supposed to have human connection and bond. That's not fair to you.

fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho