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mirrorofliterature · 2 years

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amatonormativity is one of the most harmful forces in society, actually.

it’s incredibly structural, and invisible, and if you don’t live outside striving for the monogamous ideals, it can be incredibly normalised to a very toxic extent

amatonormativity:

- contributes to abuse (people staying in relationships because they are manipulated into thinking that some romantic relationship is better than none)

- high divorce rates

- unhappy marriages

- unhappy relationships

- inability to live alone

- devaluing of friendship

- is underpinned and underpins ableism (disabled people’s humanity is often judged on their capacity for sex and love, particularly romantic)

idk, maybe we should take this seriously? all a lot of freedom movements - particularly feminism - are striving for are giving people choice on what to do with their lives.

amatonormativity is the societal norm. it is real, it is not good for anyone. relationship anarchy is cool.

anyway.

#amatonormativity #aphobia #arophobia particularly #and discussing the social stigma on polyamory obliquely #tw abuse mention #divorce #I just think measuring how human someone is based on anything other than the fact that they are alive is always going to end badly #I saw a post earlier saying that aphobia is largely albeism #and oof I agree #particularly when it comes to people who have disorders like NPD or BPD #they are so dehumanised #like just treat other humans with basic respect and dignity?#literally the bare minimum

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thatineffablewitch · 4 months

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Reminder that I need to hear so hopefully other aros benefit too:

You can be aro and still enjoy consuming romantic content. You can be aromantic and still get immense joy from shipping characters. You can be aromatic and maybe want a relationship with romantic elements one day, or unsure exactly what you want, with no deep desire to date and figure it out immediately. It is a spectrum of little to no romantic attraction, and we are valid regardless of where we fall on that spectrum. You are not fake or a poser, you are just a human being using language to better understand and describe your experience. If aromantic is a term that resonates for you, that’s enough. You are valid.

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amberfossils · 2 years

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Just saw one of the fucking "actually everything is about love" posts!!!!!!!! bashing your head in with a rock shut the fuck up shut the fuck up!!!! No the fuck it isn't!!!!!!!!!!

#tw arophobia #particularly loveless aros #wtf die die die die #repetition #tw repition

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arotechno · 4 months

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i live with two friends who will soon be married, and the three of us intend to eventually buy a house together. when i discussed this with her, my mother said to me, "are they ever going to want their own place?"

and it's a fair question, right? the "normal" thing for a married couple to do is to establish a nuclear family unit, apart from other family and friends. and her instinct is to look out for me, and make sure i am not walking into financial agreements that are untenable.

but that's the tendency allo people, particularly cishet people, have: their first thought is always, aren't they going to get rid of you? won't they leave you? won't everyone?

and they don't see the hurt it causes. because it's what they'd do, so what?

that's the subtle manifestation of arophobia. if your worth is defined by your romantic prospects, then you're worthless on your own. someone else will always come first, surely. you're lacking in some universal truth, and everyone can see it. marriage is forever and divorce equals failure and friendship, well, it isn’t something you ought to negotiate.

and why wouldn't we have talked about it?

it's times like these when i cling to the phrase (subject to change). there is no permanent state of the self, no guarantees that life will go one way or another, no use in striving for permanence in a world that's constantly changing faster and faster every day. i won't make myself smaller, couch-surf through people's lives living out of an emotional suitcase, just because they may leave me one day. and why should i? forever is (subject to change).

#aro #aromantic #op #koisenu futari #(kind of)#techno's jdrama era

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sukifoof · 5 months

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i talked about this earlier but there's something really upsetting to me about posts that declare a character as inhumane because they struggle to understand love and have ptsd, especially when there's several actual things that the character has done that are fucked up like. idk. murder.

i tend to really enjoy characters that act out due to trauma and struggle to understand love because those are things i've personally dealt with. i understand why others may not like them but pinning their "inhumanity" on struggling to understand love is just. seriously?? amatonormativity is so deeply ingrained in peoples brains and it's really upsetting to see as a loveless aro. lovelessness seems to be a bigger crime to people than murder when it comes to character analysis lol

there's so much that can go into loveless character analysis. for example flowey struggles to understand love due to trauma and because of this he feels extremely isolated in a world where love is considered something that makes people who they are. he feels trapped in a loop as he tries to deal with his trauma on his own because he thinks no one could possibly understand. his decision to exhaust everything he could do in the underground is a product of helplessness, isolation, and untreated trauma that he and his family didn't know how to handle.

so it just feels particularly hurtful and dense when i see extremely complicated traumatized loveless characters labeled as Evil and Beyond Help solely because they struggle to understand love. especially when stories with antagonists like this are typically about coming to terms with your trauma and allowing yourself to move on from the past. these characters act out in situations like this because of ostracization and desperation to be understood and safe.

pretty much i think if you think a character is Evil ask if this is because they have killed people or if you think the issue actually lies in their lovelessness. i keep seeing people look at characters that do bad things and they go "THIS IS BECAUSE THEY CANT FEEL LOVE!! MONSTER!!!" this isn't me saying that you aren't allowed to dislike characters cuz that's perfectly fine i Get It but sooo many times i see a post like "this character killed people :/ theyre EVIL cuz they CANT FEEL LOVE!!!" hey can we maybe focus on the Actual Crimes rather than ur own arophobia if we're talking about reasons we dislike characters thanks

#hi sorry saw a dumb post and i see this issue with a LOT of characters i like so im mad about it #i think about this a lot but im annoyed enough to actually post about it now #riel #amatonormativity #lovelessness #aromantic #utdr analysis #technically lol. just putting it there for the sake of anyone who looks through my analysis tag #flowey #undertale

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heartless-aro · 1 year

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Some Thoughts on Acephobia, Arophobia, and Autonomy

Something I’ve noticed recently is that a lot of the negative reactions people get when coming out as aromantic and/or asexual tend to involve a very particular sort of invalidation, though it’s a sort of invalidation that takes many different forms.

Aspecs who are part of groups that tend to be heavily objectified, fetishized, or otherwise sexualized — particularly aspecs of color and aspec women — tend to have their experiences dismissed and disbelieved altogether. They get told that they don’t “look” aspec. They get people offering to “fix” them or “prove them wrong.” They get told that it’s a “waste” for them to be aro and/or ace.

Meanwhile aspecs who are part of groups that are desexualized or infantilized — such as disabled aros (especially those with intellectual disability), fat aros, and aros with facial differences — tend to experience a different side of the issue. They get told that they’ll “find someone some day” or that “you’re just saying that because you know no one wants to date you.” That or people say things like “Of course they can’t be interested in things like sex or romance! They’re so innocent. They probably can’t even understand that sort of thing.”

Of course this isn’t a strict dichotomy; things like objectification, fetishization, desexualization, and infantilisation can intermingle in a lot of ways. East Asian people, for example, are often fetishized and infantilized simultaneously. Likewise, someone who is both black and Deaf may experience both fetishization on the basis of their race and desexualization and/or infantilisation on the basis of their Deafness. I could go on listing more and more ways that desexualization, fetishization, and the like tend to interact, but the point is that aspecs can experience invalidation in both of the forms discussed above, to varying degrees, depending on the various identities which may intersect with their aspec identity (or identities).

This may almost seem a bit contradictory, at first, until you realize that both forms of invalidation are, at their core, a denial of the target’s romantic and sexual agency. The first form of invalidation is based on the idea that some people can’t be aspec because they’re “too desirable” to not be available. This is the sort of invalidation that says “you can’t be aspec because people want you and you aren’t allowed to say ‘no.’” Then there’s the other form which says that some people are aspec because they’re “undesirable” and because there’s no one “available” for them to have a sexual or romantic relationship with. This is the sort of invalidation that says “You aren’t really aspec. The only reason you’re saying ‘no’ is because you don’t have the option to say ‘yes’.” These both boil down to the same amatanormative, allonormative idea that everyone should want romance and sex, and that the only valid reason not to be interested in those things is an inability to attain them.

You either can’t be aspec, because people are attracted to you (so you’re obligated to put their feelings before your own) or you can’t be aspec because people aren’t attracted to you (so you’re clearly just defining yourself according to someone else’s feelings, rather than your own). Either way, there’s no winning. Either way, you’re told that you don’t have the right to your identity. Because when you identify as aromantic and/or asexual, you actively make the statement that your identity is not about anyone else but, rather, that it is about YOU and YOUR feelings and what YOU want, and what YOU choose to do with your life and with your body. And, consciously or not, a lot of people seem to be very intent on contradicting that notion.

I think that’s part of what makes it so empowering to identify as aromantic and/or asexual. The fact that “I’m asexual” and “I’m aromantic” are statements of your own autonomy and are open rejections of the idea that your life and your body exist for the pleasure of others rather than yourself.

#aro #aromantic #ace #asexual #aspec #aroace #consent #cw racism #cw sexism #cw ableism #cw arophobia #cw acephobia #cw aphobia #things i wrote in one sitting without editing or proofreading #does this make sense or am i just in pain #this is probably a bit rambly. idk id read over it before posting but my vision is a little blurry rn and it’s making my head hurt

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aroaceconfessions · 1 year

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does anybody have any advice or tips on how to unlearn internalized aphobia? Both arophobia and acephobia? Particularly feeling like you need to be sexual to fit in and also feeling like romantic relationships are the most important form of close relationships

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #aro #ace #arospec #acespec #arose #internalized aphobia #internalized arophobia #internalized acephobia

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the-catmans-blog-offical · 2 months

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I keep seeing people make these masterposts, so I guess it's my turnn!!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Simple Information:

- My name is Giovi, Gio for short.

- I'm 17 as of making this post, my birthday is on April 30th.

- I'm ftm trans male! My pronouns are he/they.

- I'm an artist, evident by the blog, but I also write stories and make music!

- I have autism, and I hyperfixate on several things at once.

- English isn't my first language, so I am sorry if my English is wrong sometimes.

- I am taken by my loving bf:) @f15hyw15hy

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Interests:

- Undertale/Undertale AUs

- Cats

- Warrior Cats

- Fear and Hunger (Both Termina and the first game, but primarily the first.)

- Older Cartoons (E.g. Felix the cat, Betty Boop, Popeye the Sailor, original Looney Toons, etc.)

- Fnaf (1-UCN because I grew up liking these games in particular)

- Cuphead

- Bendy and the ink machine

- Pokémon

- Creating things

- Taxidermy/Perserving of animals

- Sally Face

- Homestuck

- Fullmetal Alchemist / Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood

(This is all I can think of rn, I'll update if I can think of more.)

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Do NOT Interact List:

- If a proshipper/Supports proshipping

- If apart of n@zi, k/k, zionists, and other bad groups

- If forces others to join or preach a specific religon

- If supports the cat killings going on in particularly China

- If an @/buser or supports @/busive behavior

- If supports r@/cism

- If romanticizes, f3tishizes, does, or supports r@pe, @/buse, ped0phili@, inc3st, or other gross things as such

- If supports homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, or arophobia/acephobia

(There is probably more I am not thinking of, but oh well.)

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Please Interact List:

- If you like undertale/undertale aus

- If you like any of the interests I have listed

- If you are apart of the LGBTQ+ (Idc what people say aroace is included)

- If you like cats

- If you are an artist

- 16+ preferably, due to my age, but for the most part anyone of any age can interact (As long as they don't like, try to act weird.)

(I'll think of more soon, but as long as you don't qualify in the dni list, you're free to interact.)

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Extra:

- I will be opening my comms soon, once I get the bank acc stuff and all, so expect that jn the future.

- I try to post at least daily, but getting sick can hinder that.

- I have other socials!

• Instagram: @catman_gio

• Discord: @catman_giovi

- This blog is primarily for the aus and other things I make, however, this is also just an acc that I use to spread my art.

- I'm the creator of various Undertale Aus: Paracosm-tale, UnderPromise (Haven't posted it yet, as I'm still working on it), as well as various Sanses, and I'm just being silly.

- I'm the creator of a few FMA/B Aus: Chimera! Ed au, a Modern AU, and

If anyone has any questions just ask through my blog or comment down below!:)

#masterpost #about me #about myself #about my blog #information

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the-plural-of-cris-is-crises · 2 years

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Disclaimer: I'm glad there are people who enjoyed this episode and I feel happy for you. It kind of sucked for me on a bit of a personal level but I'm not saying you're wrong for liking it, necessarily.

This episode of the Orville was... Disappointing. My mom seemed to have loved Isaac's storyline but it just felt so terrible and forced to me. My mom was beaming and I was fuming. The ending was good, it was moving to see how much he cared about her that even without emotions he was willing to give up everything to make her happy. He shouldn't have to do that but it absolutely proves that (as we already knew) he is capable of love without that "sweep you off your feet" passionate emotion. But the way it was handled, yes she has been making sacrifices in their relationship but so has he, and she was asking him, straight out, to change himself so much just for her. He did not want to do it, and he expressed this initially. I don't mind them talking about it, but portraying her as indisputably in the right was disturbing.

A lot of aphobia undertones to this episode, and ableism. Particularly arophobia with Isaac, with tiny hints at acephobia with Lamarr's storyline at the dismissal that a romantic relationship could not work without sex. I don't have as much of a problem with that one because that's how they are, but they definitely made it seem like it was an unreasonable thing in general, not just to them specifically. But that's fine, I can let that one slide because they're obviously not ace and this is how allo people feel a lot of the time, so usually I wouldn't have much of a problem with that other than rolling my eyes a bit, but it felt not so great being accompanied by Isaac's storyline (not to mention them actually making a direct connection with LaMarr's "I've got the love he's got the sex together we'd make a whole" whatever line, that was. In poor taste). But Isaac's storyline was awful. I don't understand why she would be with him if that is what she wants out of a relationship. Why be with someone you know is not that way? He loves her, he does, because love is so much more than just an emotion, and his dedication to her proves it (I am also glad that he is incapable of feeling emotions and therefore is incapable of feeling hurt that she was trying to change him, make him feel something he doesn't because what they had apparently wasn't "enough"). The way Isaac acted when he did have emotions was so over-the-top and fake and terrible, especially the "it's as if I feel whole for the first time" or whatever. It's just. Annoying.

The ableism annoys me more than the arophobia, despite being aromantic myself. But empathy isn't the end-all-be-all of experience and "goodness" or whatever. I find it so much more moving that he still cares about people and life and he's still compassionate without feeling empathy. He still understands what the other Kaylon are wrong about. He still values the people close to him, he values life, despite not feeling empathy. They were doing such a good job at showing how he is both still valued by us and he still values us despite his lack of empathy and emotions until this episode where they threw all of that out the window. At least the ending reaffirmed what they've always said about him. But they just... Framed it wrong for the rest of the episode. I just think they could have done a much better job at this if they really wanted to address the legitimate struggles of people in these kind of relationships, handled it more sensitively. But I think this will be a one-off treatment of the issue, considering how it ended, so that's a small comfort. I really liked the storyline with the other Kaylon apart from the way it was handled with Claire and Isaac, though. And I thought it would have been great to have Isaac decline the opportunity for emotions and have them respect that, but nope. I would have been so happy for them to have respected his autonomy and his decisions instead of forcing their expectations on him.

Isaac saying he gave nothing to Ty in return though was the biggest lie in the episode, and there were a lot of lies in this episode! Ty was the reason Isaac turned his back on his people and helped the Union. Ty specifically. Not even Claire! Ty. His love for all of them, but his love for Ty specifically, because Ty was the one who reached out to him the most in that episode when all that stuff happened. That's love! That's being a father to him! That is the biggest declaration of love I can think of! That's giving so much to him, Isaac. You give so much to all of them and you are enough. You are enough the way you are and don't let this stupid episode tell you otherwise.

#the orville spoilers #the orville #rant #as an aroace in a relationship with someone with little-to-no empathy this episode hurt #not only was it telling me I was wrong for my aromanticism (with hints of it for asexuality)#it was telling me my partner is wrong for his no empathy #and it did not end that way but the rest of the episode was screaming that #so it hurt #honestly the ableism hurt worse but I don't talk about that as much because it effects my partner not me #I can't talk as an authority figure on it but I can on the aromantic side #I can and should make a post about how the way Claire handled it is wrong as a partner of someone with little or no empathy though #I can do that

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gay-otlc · 2 years

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I’m pretty sure you’re not in the toa fandom but would you like to be tagged in my rant about the cesspit of arophobia that is any shipping of romantic theyna after like 2 months of the tyrants tomb being released

Um. Not particularly lol

#i only read like the first two of those books and quite frankly i don't need arophobia for a fandom i'm not involved in #thanks for the offer though

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mirrorofliterature · 2 years

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explicit social commentary in a study of cracked gold

When writing a study of cracked gold, my primary aim was to tell the story of Percy and Ginny repairing their relationship, and Ginny becoming comfortable with herself. In this, I have Ginny unlearn societal biases and become frustrated at an unjust world. A lot of what Ginny says or learns in this fic are things I personally value or find important. I’m going to be including extracts from a study of cracked gold, along with any relevant comments.

misogyny

The big theme for Ginny in asocg is unlearning internalised misogyny and gaining a healthy relationship with other women and her own place as a woman.

Here is something I think is quite a pivotal point in the fic: Ginny apologising to Fleur for her past treatment of her. I think including the healing of Ginny and Fleur’s relationship, as a secondary arc, complements the main arc of the fic quite well, and it culminates in this:

“But back then… I think I simply felt jealous, resentful, of anyone who presented in a traditionally feminine way.” Ginny pauses, unclenching her jaw. “Because that was not me, but it was what I was told I should be. So I took my hurt, my frustration, out on you, instead of my mother because it was easier, less complicated.” ... I’m not like other girls. Ginny internally scoffs. What a harmful mantra to cling to. But she doesn’t blame her past self. How can she? It was how she survived.

A lot of popular female characters in the 2000-2010s really did channel this ‘I’m not like other girls’ energy which is incredibly toxic, and that is something I found cathartic deconstructing. Comments:

i love the talks about internalized misogyny its so clear and true and right and comforting,

arophobia

This one is subtle but people did pick it up. If you have been following me for a while, you’ll know that arophobia is something I absolutely abhor.

“I think, after the war, reflecting on it made me more angry because Charlie had come out to me. By implication, it’s like our world thinks that people who don’t experience romantic love are bad. And that’s far from true.”

The whole Voldemort can’t love and that’s why he is evil is incredibly problematic and rarely examined. I think it is wrong, and an incredible disservice to aros, particularly loveless aros. Someone’s ability to love has no baring on their goodness of character. Comments: thanks for writing it! especially for the bit about why not romantically loving does not make you evil Finally: ‘It is enlightening without lecturing’ writing is powerful. and when you have someone who is studying complex societal issues writing, you get social deconstructions like this. it clearly resonates with people, and I’m proud of it.

anyway off to write some oliver pining and introspection!

#rambles #hp #asocg #I am so proud of this fic #percy weasley #ginny weasley #fleur delacour #writer things #arophobia discussion #misogyny discussion #*stares at my 7.2k hp fth fic* you want the comments? then finish the fic

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angryaromantics · 2 years

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(Amatonormativity anon again) Thank you for your quick response! I can see your point for sure. If anything, it's at the very least clumsy wording, which I get happens on this site all the time, because it's not like we're all considering every direction from which a post can be interpreted. I just get pretty sensitive about the way that some parts of the aromantic community tend to claim that /any/ kind of significant relationship is supported and upheld by amatonormativity when that is... extremely not the case. It really felt like a twisting of the definition of the word, which is explicitly and directly about the centering and prioritizing of /romantic/ partnerships, to the exclusion and shitting on all other types of relationship, including nonromantic partnerships, in a way that I find - as an arospec person in a qpr - incredibly harmful and disingenuous. Amatonormativity harms my relationship in every way possible, and it really hurts to see significant parts of my community claiming the opposite on a regular basis... Like I get that entirely nonpartnering people are harmed by alloro + amatonormative society but so are we (me + my partner, others in nonromantic relationships of any kind). I know it's probably not meant like that, but posts like that sometimes feel like an attempt to set up a hierarchy within the community of who the ones who are the 'most marginalized' are and who the 'most aro' are, or something, and there's no way an aromantic person who does have nonromantic partners is like. Privileged? Over one who doesn't, if that makes sense. And it's scary and painful to see people in my own community talking like they are, because it assumes /any/ aro has support or societal validation that we just don't have. Sorry for the huge rant ahhh, it's just something that's been bubbling up for me a lot and I really appreciate your perspective on things.

I get that. It's easy to get sensitive about specific things if they're always the things being picked apart. I would hope any aspec people would understand that as well.

I agree that it's twisting of the definition, even if I don't think that was OP's intention. I Try to give aro people the benefit of the doubt unless it's abundantly clear that I can't. Amatanormativity just gets thrown around a lot in the aro community if its even tangentially related because it's a hot button word for us, but in this case, it's not helpful, and as you've demonstrated, can even be harmful.

I think the only way you could even sort of claim queerplatonic relationships as having any sort of Privilege over non-partnering aros would be if they're being misinterpreted as a Romantic Couple. BUT, as I've said before, your identity being erased and your relationship misconstrued isn't a privilege, but another axis of arophobia. I've been in a queerplatonic relationship before, and others misconstruing said relationship was physically nauseating for me. That doesn't feel like any sort of benefit. Like, maybe the axis in which a nonpartnering and a partnering aro face aphobia can be a little different, but they're coming from the same place, and they're equally as harmful.

There does seem to be a lot of like, who is the most oppressed, competitions in both the queer community at large, and in the aromantic community particularly here. I think a lot of it comes down to 1. overcorrecting with the groups we've previously left out in the cold i.e. heartless and aplatonic people especially, and 2. experiences within our community being so varied that it's Hard to acknowledge everyone and make sure everyone's needs are being met, and 3. Overcompensating with the whole not being accepted into queer spaces thing so almost wanting to prove you belong in the queer community because you're time is Harder than others. None of it is right, but it does Happen.

I'm sorry you're having issues within the community. It's not fair that you have to face arophobia from alloro people and then not even feel welcomed in your own community. It should be a safe place for every arospec identity, but I think we're just gonna have to work at it and find a nice little middle ground.

#asks #aphobia #also like Do call me out if you think i said or reblogged something shitty #i am but one person with a limited pov so sometimes i'm wrong and i don't know it #so thank you anon for your pov #also don't Apologize for the rant i think it's important that we talk about things and that people have a space for that!!

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panicking-skywalker · 2 years

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It's literally so hard for me to understand if I'm aromantic or greyromantic. The attraction I feel often feels as though it's somewhat in between platonic and romantic - and I know we have names for attraction like this: queerplatonic, alterous, other kinds of tertiary, etc).

The problem isn't particularly figuring out *what* I'm feeling (I think I know that already). The problem is figuring out what my *romantic orientation* is because of what I'm feeling. Both aromantic and greyromantic could easily fit me. That's really annoying. I want one label that fits me perfectly, but I know that isn't going to happen because I'm a human being and human beings aren't designed to fit into boxes or labels. Hell, if my gender is this hard to pin down the god knows what my romantic orientation is.

Even if I am greyromantic (and, I think I am at this rate), I think I'm still going to use the aromantic label and an umbrella term (extending to aro and/or arospec), including the aromantic flag because you literally can't find any greyromantic merch anywhere and also no one knows what that flag is lmao. Barely anyone outside of the LGBTQIA+ community knows what the aromantic flag is, but other arospec identities? Pfffft. Not a chance. The aro flag is also very pretty, and the grey stripe represents the grey area of both aromanticism and alloromanticism (being "in between" - for greyromantics, demiromantics, and any other arospec identities). This makes sense, so I can use the aromantic flag to represent myself.

Also just calling myself aroace is so cool even if it isn't 100% accurate. I'm one of those people (an inclusionist, if you will), who believes that practically any and all labels can be used as umbrella terms - asexual can be used for the entire asexual spectrum, aromantic for the aromantic spectrum, bisexual for any mspec identity, gay and/or queer for literally any LGBTQIA+ identity, etc etc. Aroace can and should be used as an umbrella term for anyone who is aspec, in my opinion, as well as those who are exclusively aromantic and asexual.

And yet I have so much imposter syndrome telling me that I can't use aroace quickly in a sentence to declare who I am because "that's lying". Also, internalised arophobia is something that I still struggle with a lot, since I first discovered I was arospec (14), and I'm now nearly 22.

Sigh 😥

#aorry this was a rant #tw vent #rant post #aromantic #aro #greyromantic #greyro #grey aro #aromantic spectrum #aroace #asexual #ace #queerplatonic #alterous attraction #tertiary attraction #queer #lgbtqia

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arotechno · 2 years

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thinking about my last reblog as representation has been on my mind a lot lately. this is by no means a phenomenon unique to aros nor is it unique to the queer community at large but it's definitely an issue that we have to deal with a lot by virtue of not having a lot of representation to the contrary.

a lot of probably well-meaning writers/artists will "include" aromantic characters in their work, but it's often a side character in a large ensemble cast of different queer characters, and even if the character is referred to explicitly as aro in canon it often rings very hollow when they are an unimportant character or their aromanticism has absolutely no bearing on their existence whatsoever.

don't get me wrong: i am all for representing characters whose story is not ABOUT them being aromantic. i don't need nor particularly want every canon aro's story to be an aro story. but the truth is we don't have many aro stories at all. in fact, most of the time the only people willing to tell our stories is... us, and while i certainly have reservations about alloromantic people writing aro narratives without the proper research, it would be nice if more people cared about us enough to put us in their stories in anything more than an extremely trivial, tokenizing way.

i think a lot of it stems from people's extremely basic, trivial, and oftentimes patronizing view of aromanticism. so many people think they can just say "aros are valid!" or write a shipper-on-deck aro side character who loves their friends and they've, like, solved arophobia or something. most people don't want to listen to us or our stories and so they don't think there is anything deep or meaningful about aromanticism worth exploring. that's a separate rant for another time i think but the point is people will toss in a throwaway canon aro for representation brownie points and they think it makes them a hero. and unless they're written by an actual aromantic or someone who at least has done a LOT of research they tend to be pretty mediocre anyway.

this is probably a hot take but honestly if you made me choose between a tokenized side character confirmed as aro on-page/on-screen and an aro main character with a solid character arc that actually reflects what being aro is like but isn't ever called aromantic in the source material, i would choose the second. obviously in a perfect world we'd have it all. aromantics deserve stories written for and about us and our identities by creators who are unashamed and unafraid to use the word aromantic and represent us authentically. but if people think all it takes to do good representation is to use the word, well... the word isn't everything. aro representation is not an arcade token you can trade in for a prize.

#sorry this is kind of disjointed #but idk someone had to say it and i'm glad we're starting to talk about this!#aro rep is not some one size fits all thing you can squeeze into a meaningless side character...#...and then use to promote your work as having Aro Characters when it's like. straight up a romance novel and the mc has like an aro friend #i don't have a real life example of that one it just seems like it probably exists #i think perhaps koisenu futari made me greedy and you know what GOOD #i want good aro rep and i want it plastered across tv screens worldwide #i'm tired of begging and scraping what little i can off of accidental aro coding #sigh. anyway #aro #aromantic #aro representation #aro characters #long post #op

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morgue-xiiv · 2 years

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I wish more fanfiction discussed topics other than shipping/romance. I wish if I wrote something like that I could feel confident there would be a decent sized mass of people interested in reading it. I wish I could write something where Kim and Harry don’t work out without feeling like I’ll let people down (including/predominately myself! Internalised arophobia, frankly) mostly I wish I could keep writing my fics with these ‘vibes’ where the characters have intimacy and rapport... but you can’t tell if they are platonic or romantic, up to interpretation, without the majority of people jumping to assuming they’re in love. (Much like the game; there’s nothing in DE that has to be romantic, it all can be interpreted platonically, EVEN after the final cut and the Jamais Vu updates just shrugged and went “well fucking fine, here’s a dialogue option to say Kim’s your boyfriend are you happy now?”) that plurality of interpretation is important to me...

But see how I phrased that? There’s nothing wrong with the fluff fics, or the shipping fics. Or the fics that don’t engage with difficult topics. I can say what I wish there was more of, what I wish more people were interested in reading, etc... I can even ask for recommendations! Please, if you have some, recommend me fics where the focus isn’t shipping (including stuff like Lepak’s diaspora-focused work, where Kim and Harry do have a romance, but it’s not ABOUT that). Or works where relationships are the focus, but the relationships are something different... qpr, friends to lovers to “oh no... no this isn’t for us” to friends again...

I’m begging you, if fandom is not scratching your itch, say what you WANT from it. Phrase it POSITIVELY. Stop posting about how people “just don’t get it” and “are ignoring the dark themes of the work” or whatever. Like people need to write what you want, as though TRANSFORMATIVE fiction can’t be transforming the fiction into a parade of rainbows so you can ignore the real issues and focus on the type of anal play you wanna write.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t be able to critique troubling/problematic tropes, particularly if you’re helping writers to tag properly stuff they may not realise needs tagging, or people are reinforcing marginalisation they may not even realise. This type of criticism can offer improvement. (But Brooklyn 99 is on network television and contains many harrowing scenes of police abuse played as jokes so I don’t think your least favourite disco elysium fanfiction is what’s making people forget that cops are dangerous. Take that energy to the media refusing to cover murder of BLM activists or the lack of mainstream interest in MMIW, please.)

Nor is it like you can’t even say what you don’t like. Personally like a lot of people, I’m really not into fics that explicitly act like Kim is a totem for Recovery who reforms Harry in any way other than providing a good example and maybe a lil positive reinforcement if he wants to. I bounce off that stuff and I worry about the people who idealise that dynamic, I HOPE that doesn’t affect your real life relationships negatively.... but write whatever you find fun. Hell, get into whatever codependent relationships you find fun, if it’s mutual.

You want fan work that engages with the darkness in DE? Great. Write it. If you don’t write? Well, on the one hand, try it, you don’t need to be incredibly talented to offer something worth reading. Do your best. Or, Commission someone to write it (I know some people have done that, it’s a good approach) do a swap or skill share, talk about your ideas a lot in fanfic discords see if you inspire someone. (Probably not, we all have looooong wip lists already) ask for recommendations. Promote the work that does do what you like to see and try to get more readers for it, more comments and kudos to reward the author for their efforts and show them that kind of content is worth writing... Stop policing what other people wanna write. Dark and emotional topics are HARD WORK. The writers of DE had way more time, resources, vision etc to create their work than most of us soloing 12,000 words to go on AO3 where half the people are specifically looking for pr0n (which, again, good for them, I love the pr0n. Squeeze that lemon directly into my earl grey tia)

Take CONSTRUCTIVE action not destructive action. We can all have everything we want. Abundance and variety are not abstract theories; they are achievable, And, I say, with enough irony to kill an elephant; stop telling people what to do. And most of all stop acting like anyone who is not writing pain doesn’t realise pain exists. Misery? Thanks I can get that in real life. I like having that pain acknowledged in fiction... but I also like having that pain NOT acknowledged in fiction.

#fanfiction meta #fandom #disco elysium

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aro-and-tired · 3 years

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Aromantic Experiences in Fandom: Survey Results

PART 1 - PART 2 - ANALYSIS: TIME IN FANDOM - ANALYSIS: AROALLOS VS AROACES

This survey was aimed at aromantic people, to share their experiences with fandom spaces, creating fancontent, and shipping. The survey got a total of 916 responses. The questions were split into various sections.

As the survey itself was quite long, the results will be discussed into two posts. This post will outline what the demographics of the respondents were and what their general experiences with fandom aree. The remaining sections, concerning content creators, shipping and additional comments, will be discussed in a separate post. Each post will have a summary at the end.

In addition, I plan on adding a couple posts discussing results split by certain variables, as I’m curious to see if different groups express different feelings regarding a few matters.

Demographic questions

Question 1: How old are you?

15 or younger - 14.7%

16-20 - 47.1% (largest group by age)

21-25 - 25.9%

26-30 - 8.3%

31-35 - 2.7%

36-40 - 1.1%

41-45 - 0.1 % (one person)

51-55 - 0.1% (one person)

Question 2: Which arospec identities to you identify with?

Considering the identities I had given as options, from most to least used:

Aromantic - 80.5%

Arospec - 28.7%

Questioning - 11.7%

Demiromantic - 11.1%

Greyromantic - 10.9%

Quoiromantic or WTFromantic - 7.2%

Aroflux - 4.3%

Cupioromantic - 4%

Aegoromantic - 3.9%

Aroqueer - 3.3%

Lithromantic or Akoiromantic - 2.8%

Nebularomantic - 1.9%

Apothiromantic - 1.2%

Arospike - 0.7% (6 people)

In addition, to these, most commonly added identities were Freyromantic, Belluromantic and Reciproromantic. Various over identities were added by various participants.

Question 3: Which of the following do you identify with?

Aroace - 51%

Aromantic Allosexual - 16.8%

Angled or Oriented Aroace - 12.9%

Questioning - 8.2%

Non-SAM Aro or Just Aro - 6.3%

I don’t identify any of these - 4.8%

General Fandom Questions

The first question in the fandom section was a check to see whether or not the participants were currently involved in fandom spaces. 96.6% (885) respondents said they are involved with fandom. 3.4% (31) respondents said they are not involved with fandom.

Involved in fandom: yes

Question 1: For how many years have you been involved in fandom?

1 or less - 4.1%

2-3 - 20.1%

4-5 - 26.8% (largest group by time spent in fandom)

6-7 - 19.7%

8-10 - 16.3%

11-15 - 8.5%

16 or more - 4.5%

Question 2: In general, would you say fandom spaces are aro-friendly?

Unsure - 45.9%

No - 43.6%

Yes - 10.5%

Question 3: If you answered no on the previous question, can you elaborate on why?

419 people offered a comment to this question. For starters, different people meant different things when they stated that fandom spaces aren’t aro-friendly. Some said that they feel fandom is not actively aro-unfriendly, but not friendly either - aro-tolerant, is how someone put it. Others instead found fandom spaces to be actively arophobic. Some people also specified that it depends on which fandoms one considers, with some fandoms being more friendly than others.

Almost everyone mentioned shipping as the first reason why fandom spaces are not aro-friendly. This ranged from people who enjoy shipping, but still feel that there is too much emphasis on it, from romance repulsed people who feel extremely alienated due to how common shipping is. The prevalence of shipping means that gen fics are rarer and receive less attentions. In general, it feels as if platonic relationships are seen as inferior to romantic ones and not worth of being explored.

It was also commented upon that some popular tropes can have arophobic connotations. Various participants mentioned soulmate AUs and Hanahaki disease as common tropes that some aros are very uncomfortable with, or that often have arophobic themes in the way they are used.

Many people also stated that they feel as if aromantic headcanons are less respected than other kinds of headcanons. They may receive less attention, especially from alloromantic fans, and at times even get rejected from fandom. Some aro people have reported having been accused of homophobia for headcanoning members of popular M/M or F/F ships are aromantic (or even just not shipping said ships), and accused of erasing gay people’s sexuality even when their aro headcanons concern characters with no canon sexuality.

On the flip side, the rare aromantic representation that exists is often not well respected by alloromantic fans. Many aros have said that it makes them uncomfortable to see allo fans ship aro characters, but their concerns are also often dismissed by allo fans as simple drama. Some people have even reported being themselves called arophobic by those same alloromantic shippers for being uncomfortable with shipping aro characters - the logic used being, that since some aromantic people enjoy dating, it is arophobic to be uncomfortable with aro characters being shipped. It is particularly hurtful that the same fans who get up in arms about respecting the sexualities of canon gay or lesbian characters and become very angry if someone ships them with a character of the other binary gender are often the same people who happily ship aro characters and ignore any argument made by aromantic fans.

Overall, many aromantic people feel that fandoms can be fairly amatonormative, if not straight up arophobic, and that their identities are often not respected and seeing as more trivial than shipping characters together.

Question 4: Do you think it's easy to find aromantic specific content in fandom?

No - 86.9%

Unsure - 7.2%

Yes - 5.9%

Question 5: Do you think alloromantic (non-aromantic) fans are in general respectful of aromantic interpretations of characters/media?

No - 56.7%

Unsure - 34.5%

Yes - 8.8%

Question 6: Have you ever received arophobic hate or harassment over something relating to fandom (aromantic headcanons, aromantic fancontent, etc.)?

No - 82.1%

Yes - 17.9%

Involved in fandom: no

Only 31 people stated that they are not currently involved in fandom spaces and answered the following questions. This is a fairly small sample. The answers here are reported, but it’s possible that they may not reflect actual trends.

Question 1: Have you ever been involved with fandom before?

Yes - 83.9%

No - 16.1%

Question 2: Is the fact that you are aromantic part of the reason you don't frequent fandom spaces?

No - 58.1%

Yes - 41.9%

Question 3: From what you have seen, do you think fandom spaces in general are welcoming to aro people?

No - 48.4%

Unsure - 48.4%

Yes - 3.2% (one person)

Question 4: If you answered no to the previous question, can you elaborate on why?

17 people answered this question. As a general rule, people here had stronger opinions regarding the prevalence of arophobia in fandom compared to those who are currently involved in fandom. Many of them said that they were either personally harassed for being aro when they were in fandom, or that they have witnessed this harassment from the outside. They also mentioned the prevalence of discourse in fandom spaces, with many exclusionists running fandom blogs.

One again, shipping was the most common reason given for fandom spaces being potentially alienating for aro fans, both its prevalence and the existence of things such as ship wars. A few people also mentioned having seen aro headcanons being called homophobic. Soulmate AU and Hanahaki disease were also mentioned as aro unfriendly tropes, and one person also brought up the matchmaker trope.

Someone also mentioned that in addition to aro unfriendly, fandom can also be ace unfriendly, and that asexual headcanons can receive the same backlash as aromantic headcanons. Another person said that while sexual content is common in fandom spaces, most of it is fundamentally alienating to romance repulsed aros, as sexual content almost always involves a romantic component.

Part 1 Summary

Overall, nearly half of aromantic respondents, both those involved and not involved in fandom, state that they feel fandom spaces are not aro-friendly. There’s also a fair number of people who are unsure, and only a minority feels that fandom spaces are friendly to aromantic fans. The amount of shipping that occurs in fandom spaces is mentioned as primary reason why aro fans feel alienated in fandom, especially romance repulsed aros. Many people also mentioned an attitude towards dismissing aro fans, if not straight up harassing them. Fandom arophobia has been remarked upon by various people, and in some occasions led to aro fans leaving fandom entirely.

The majority of fans agree that it’s hard to find aromantic specific content in fandom. A little more than half also states that alloromantic fans are not respectful of aromantic interpretations, with less than 10% of aro fans definitely stating that they believe alloromantic fans support their interpretations.

Lastly, a little less than one fifth of respondents stated that they received harassment due to aromantic headcanons, fancontent, or the likes.

Find Part 2 here

#aromantic #arospec #fandom #survey results

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