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#cw acephobia
chrollohearttags · 4 months
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I literally never had an issue or felt insecure abt my sexuality until I start interacting with heteronormative, allo ppl lmao. one convo and I’m ready to off myself.
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heartless-aro · 1 year
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Some Thoughts on Acephobia, Arophobia, and Autonomy
Something I’ve noticed recently is that a lot of the negative reactions people get when coming out as aromantic and/or asexual tend to involve a very particular sort of invalidation, though it’s a sort of invalidation that takes many different forms.
Aspecs who are part of groups that tend to be heavily objectified, fetishized, or otherwise sexualized — particularly aspecs of color and aspec women — tend to have their experiences dismissed and disbelieved altogether. They get told that they don’t “look” aspec. They get people offering to “fix” them or “prove them wrong.” They get told that it’s a “waste” for them to be aro and/or ace.
Meanwhile aspecs who are part of groups that are desexualized or infantilized — such as disabled aros (especially those with intellectual disability), fat aros, and aros with facial differences — tend to experience a different side of the issue. They get told that they’ll “find someone some day” or that “you’re just saying that because you know no one wants to date you.” That or people say things like “Of course they can’t be interested in things like sex or romance! They’re so innocent. They probably can’t even understand that sort of thing.”
Of course this isn’t a strict dichotomy; things like objectification, fetishization, desexualization, and infantilisation can intermingle in a lot of ways. East Asian people, for example, are often fetishized and infantilized simultaneously. Likewise, someone who is both black and Deaf may experience both fetishization on the basis of their race and desexualization and/or infantilisation on the basis of their Deafness. I could go on listing more and more ways that desexualization, fetishization, and the like tend to interact, but the point is that aspecs can experience invalidation in both of the forms discussed above, to varying degrees, depending on the various identities which may intersect with their aspec identity (or identities).
This may almost seem a bit contradictory, at first, until you realize that both forms of invalidation are, at their core, a denial of the target’s romantic and sexual agency. The first form of invalidation is based on the idea that some people can’t be aspec because they’re “too desirable” to not be available. This is the sort of invalidation that says “you can’t be aspec because people want you and you aren’t allowed to say ‘no.’” Then there’s the other form which says that some people are aspec because they’re “undesirable” and because there’s no one “available” for them to have a sexual or romantic relationship with. This is the sort of invalidation that says “You aren’t really aspec. The only reason you’re saying ‘no’ is because you don’t have the option to say ‘yes’.” These both boil down to the same amatanormative, allonormative idea that everyone should want romance and sex, and that the only valid reason not to be interested in those things is an inability to attain them.
You either can’t be aspec, because people are attracted to you (so you’re obligated to put their feelings before your own) or you can’t be aspec because people aren’t attracted to you (so you’re clearly just defining yourself according to someone else’s feelings, rather than your own). Either way, there’s no winning. Either way, you’re told that you don’t have the right to your identity. Because when you identify as aromantic and/or asexual, you actively make the statement that your identity is not about anyone else but, rather, that it is about YOU and YOUR feelings and what YOU want, and what YOU choose to do with your life and with your body. And, consciously or not, a lot of people seem to be very intent on contradicting that notion.
I think that’s part of what makes it so empowering to identify as aromantic and/or asexual. The fact that “I’m asexual” and “I’m aromantic” are statements of your own autonomy and are open rejections of the idea that your life and your body exist for the pleasure of others rather than yourself.
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hellothepixel · 10 months
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wait so im actually looking at the matt walsh acephobic video, not even two minutes in and this guy is literally just a fucking cartoon villain.
Like for all the bullshit transphobes say about how "trans people are reinforcing gender norms" or whatever, this fucking ass starts off the video saying the most plainly sexists comments without a hint of irony.
And secondly-
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if a nazi villain in a movie about nazis had an ad that was like "ketchup bottles! but not for jews" people would say that it is too on the nose. This is pathetic. You can't even advertise your own shit without having to remind your audience that you hate trans people. Literally his whole personality.
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iamfabiloz · 2 years
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HELLO??????????????
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crystalsandbubbletea · 4 months
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Vent post
(Tw: Suicidal thoughts, swearing, internalized homophobia, internalized polyamphobia, internalized acephobic, internalized arophobia, internalized enbyphobia, internalized ableism, enbyphobia, dead naming, 'LGB without the T+' person mentioned)
I'm tired of being alive.
I don't want to be alive anymore.
I don't want to be me anymore.
I'm sick and tired of everything.
I'm so fucking tired.
I hate everything about myself. I hate that I'm autistic, and have ADHD. I hate that I'm on the aroace spectrum, I hate being Demisexual and Demiromantic. I hate that I'm nonbinary, I hate that I'm polyamorous, I hate that I'm Trixic. I just want to be like everyone else I see, straight and neurotypical.
I'm so fucking tired of my school trying to "fix" me because I don't want to talk to anyone at my school.
I'm fucking tired of my case manager, you want to know why I don't go to you for anything? It's because I'm fucking afraid of you, goddamnit! You made me afraid of you! You acted like you would be fine with me being nonbinary and you acted like you would be fine with my preferred name, but in reality you're just another 'LGB without the T+' people. You're a lesbian and I foolishly ended up letting my guard down because of it, but then you kept misgendering me and you even used my dead name once, you didn't correct myself, and I couldn't correct you because I was having a full-on emotional breakdown, and you just made it worse. You don't even try to make yourself look friendly, instead you're always looking intimidating and difficult to approach. I don't need you as a case manager, what I need is a case manager who also has ADHD. A teacher I knew since my freshman year is a case manager and she also has ADHD, she should have been my case manager and maybe I wouldn't have half of my issues. But no the school was like "Oh you're queer, here have a 'LGB without the T+' lesbian as your case manager."
I hate that almost everyone at my school is acephobic and arophobic, they all act like it's the end of the world when people don't want to have sex or don't want a relationship. I didn't ask to be Demisexual and Demiromantic, I didn't ask to be this way. I'm sorry that I need very close emotional connections before getting into a romantic relationship?
I hate that I hardly see polyamorous relationships in media, no I'm not a fucking cheater. I'm sorry that I want to be in a relationship with multiple people where everyone is consenting to it? No, I'm not polygamy, polygamy and polyamorous are not the same and never will be.
I hate being nonbinary, I have extreme gender dysphoria because no one seems to care about my gender identity. I hate being very feminine, I hate my chest, I hate my waist, I hate my hips, I hate my legs, I hate my body in general. Why couldn't I have been more androgynous-looking? Spring is coming soon and I'll have to put away my oversized hoodies, which is one of the few things hiding my chest size. I wish I could get binders but I don't think there are any binders out there that could fit me.
I hate being Trixic, I'm sorry that 'lesbian' didn't feel like the correct term for me? I'm sorry that 'lesbian' made me feel dysphoric? I'm sorry that I never felt lesbian?
Maybe I should just kill myself. No one at my school would care anyways. I'll just be one less freak. No one would give a damn if I die, except for the people following me, my online friends, the few friends I have IRL, and my family, but that will be it, no one else would care.
I am so fucking close to ending my life. I want to die.
So why can't I bring myself to end it all?
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morose-magnetrix · 5 months
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I love that my coworkers are predominately queer, but sometimes I feel othered rather than seen and accepted. We had a holiday hot pot party tonight and one of my coworkers - a year or two younger than me - joked that I wasn’t old enough to understand what blowing someone’s back out was.
I am in my mid twenties. I’m asexual, not naive or innocent. I read fanfiction as a kid for fucks sake. I read Sherlock fanfiction. I know what it means to blow someone’s fucking back out.
I wish I felt treated like an equal and a peer, rather than like some naive child. I’m the only one of us who is sapphic or asexual, and sometimes I’ll mention things like the fact that I have had sex or that I’m sex indifferent (rather than, like, repulsed or positive) and they stare at me like I’m from Mars. Like I’m some sort of alien thing, rather than a human being.
It’s usually fine, but every now and then something like this happens and I just feel so angry.
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stinkek · 7 months
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Who in their right mind tells someone they barely know to get a BF/GF? Even worse if they do it again after you told them you're not interested, or/and that you're on the aroace spectrum.
Can't really expect my compatriots to respect the second reasoning, but they could at least mind their own business.
IDEK if I've ever felt romantic feelings because what if they're just platonic but more intense? Fiction makes it look easy, but the real life stuff is confusing.
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dead-dog-dont-eat · 10 months
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content/to warn: acephobia, queer exclusionism, and usage of outdated terms along with bigotry (click below to read more)
Hello, everyone! I know that this is very sudden, but I PLEASE urge you to read this of a certain user here on tumblr. This has been bothering me and kinda triggering for a while, so this needs to be said. I also went and did my first try on using image descriptions in ALT for the images I am about to show you so I tried my best.
During Pride Month a while ago, I posted one of my headcanons that features one of the characters, Millie from Helluva Boss, to be a heteroromantic sex-positive asexual woman. Though, as the post was there, it has caught attention to a tumblr user, @/starry-cow, and they replied to this:
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Listen, I respect those who have different opinions on a character they like, but if you're going to be disrespectful, then just don't say it(?). So I went and replied to try and defend my headcanon; please note that when I was trying to define being sex-positive, I might've worded incorrectly a bit so I apologize.
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If you know me, you would probably know that I am demisexual, which is a label under the ace umbrella. I am also under the aro umbrella, making me aroace. Plus I'm a nonbinary trans boy who is polyamorous with my attraction towards women/fem-aligned|presenting individuals is queer. Though, not everyone thinks that as they replied once again:
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This is VERY outdated, and it invalidates me as an ace-spec person who is both sex-positive and sex-favorable. I have talked to another aro/ace person about this and it (<- one of zer pronouns) said that this was merely more then talking over to someone who is ace and saying that every asexual/ace-spec person is indifferent. Not to mention that they brought up exclus saying that "lesbians can't date men" when there are masc-aligned/presenting/multigendered individuals who use that label. I find it ironic that they brought up on how lesbians cannot be attracted to men when in, my headcanon post, it included of Blitzø being a pan gay (being both pansexual AND gay). So I also replied once more. Trying to educate them along with asking if they were asexual as well.
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I am a transgender boy whose considered to be multigender and also at the same time not--my attraction to women is both straight AND queer. Even though my attraction is equivalent to me being a transhet, I still identify with the lesbian label because I still have ties with it and don't want to let go of the label itself and consider myself multi-spec because of my attraction to nonbinary people and also my platonic relationship with binary/cisgender men. And it was also my confirmation that the person is not asexual (greatly assuming allosexual) because they avoided my question on if they're ace or not.
I refused to respond, and afterwards they post this on their account because I was checking if they mentioned they were ace.
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This is very bigoted in many ways. While they say that they support he/him lesbians, but yet they do not support masc/men-aligned + presenting lesbians. Because there ARE lesbians who look like men and/or are men. I am one of them; I am a futch, butch-leaning masc-alinged/presenting transfemasc enby boy. I blocked them. And after getting curious, I found that they replied to an anon ask:
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They have openly admitted on not caring if they are a queer exclusionist along with using outdated terms that were ALSO used by exclusionists/TERFs. The replies are not there anymore because after I blocked them, the replies disappeared so I am glad to screenshot them.
On other notes, I should've said in the beginning that the person goes by the name of Beth and uses they/them pronouns. I have looked at their bio and pinned post and there was nothing said about them being ace. I am sick and tired of people making me feel bad because I am ace-spec and sex-positive along with my gender and how it affects my attraction and labels being "problematic/can't exist" when they have been around since forever.
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wheelie-butch · 9 months
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wrt that last post im like lowkey back in the closet in most situations about being ace-spec bc even other queer people if they're allo just Do Not Get It. and i just cant be fucked to put up with it. and then i dislike talking about sex because either i let people assume im allo or if i mention being ace they'll think they know everything but totally misunderstand so I just don't even go there. but for the record im having galaxy brain sex + my girlfriend is beautiful + eating a + sandwich + i forget the rest of the copypasta i was going to quote + I believe our current framework of consent doesn't always leave space for asexual experiences of sex and I hope that will be talked about more in the future + L + ratio + im going to go put some pizza in the oven now + im the fucking joker babyyy
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I usually don't like to bring up the specter of ace discourse at all but I was just viscerally reminded of a time years ago when I saw someone playing out the tired argument of claiming that ace people are evil parasites stealing "resources" from the queer- sorry lgbt don't want to be too inclusive there- community and they legitimately said. "Oh I don't want a trans girl to die in the streets because a cishet ace is taking up space in a lgbt friendly homeless shelter"
like not only was that just a bullshit made up scenario they pulled outta their ass based on fucking nothing but their idea of a priveleged ace person was. A fucking homeless teenager.
when you're debating which homeless kid is too priveleged to be worthy of your help I think youve officially lost the fuckin plot
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just looked up the tag trans jon sims and the top is explicit?????? not is that gross in any trans tag but also with a canon ace character???? i think i just died inside
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desenhosdebolso · 2 years
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CW // Mention to Acephobia/Aphobia
Oh yeah so... apparently some ace-exclusionist account found my post defending that asexuals are and will always be part of the LGBTQIA+ community and that made them angry.
What I have to say about that? I'M GLAD YOU GOT ANGRY! It was meant to make you angry.
Because telling me "I'm not lgbtq for not having pussy" is literally just showing me how narrow minded, disrespectful and disgusting you are.
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crystalsandbubbletea · 4 months
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Vent post
(CW: Negative thoughts, acephobia, arophobia, enbyphobia, polyamphobia, swearing)
There are sometimes where I hate that I'm Demisexual and Demiromantic, sometimes it makes me feel alone, and sometimes it feels like I may die alone.
I came out as Demiromantic and Demisexual to some people, and they refused to try to understand.
I didn't ask to be part of the aromantic spectrum, I didn't ask to be part of the asexual spectrum. I was born this way.
I don't want a romantic relationship until I form a close emotional bond with people.
I hate that I'm polyamorous. I get called a 'cheater' because of it.
I have never been in a relationship in my life, how the fuck am I a cheater?
My mom also refuses to hear me out about it.
I hate that I'm nonbinary. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I live in the Southeastern US and I never feel included, I only feel included whenever I'm around my friends who are also LGBTQIA+. Other than that, I never feel seen.
I hate that I'm Trixic. I'm sorry that 'lesbian' didn't feel like the correct term for me..? I'm sorry that I saw what Trixic was and thought 'Huh, this sounds like me?'
I hate being a polyamorous, Trixic, Demisexual, Demiromantic, Nonbinary... I feel like I'm alone sometimes, and I feel like I'm going to die alone...
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esinofsardis · 2 years
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30 Days of Asexuality Challenge
Day 10: What have other people said about your asexuality?
I've gotten so much "well you just javent met the right person yet" and "I mean Christian girls like us are really taught to repress their sexuality so are you sure this isn't that?" and "well women just aren't as visual as men so if you've never dated anyone there's no way you could know--attraction just comes later for women" or "I mean I wasn't really interested in sex until long after we were married..."
I'd like to make a joke here about how ridiculous all that is, but it just hurts too much right now. I knew at 15 that I wasn't experiencing sexual attraction. And it's taken me more than 10 years to learn to trust myself.
Despite Christians saying they're okay with celibacy and all, they're actually REALLY bothered by it. There's such pressure to get straight married and have a family. There's so many youth pastors who tell you that if you can just wait till marriage to awaken sexual desire then you'll have so much amazing sex with your spouse that it will all be worth it. And in the places I grew up, a lot of couples didn't even kiss before they got engaged. Lack of sexual desire was a virtue, which actually made it really hard to know if I was ace.
So I waited. And waited. And waited. And nope we're still not experiencing sexual attraction. I mean we've misidentified everything from emotion abuse to curiosity to compatibility logic as sexual attraction. But every model doesn't quite fit.
Fortunately, I have queer friends now who are super supportive and understand. They encourage me to explore my sexuality without pressure to be ace or not. They're constantly reminding me that I don't have to have this all figured out right this second. And that's amazing.
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gay-and-n3on · 2 years
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Man id get so into house md, like the clips ive watched are l actually funny or/ engaging, house is def a charecter i could scruklize, but they just had to throw all that trans/ace/ intersex phobia in there huh. like dude cmon you were so close but i dont want to look up wich episodes are shitty to avoid them, like it ugh
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fallroute · 2 years
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This is a headcanon that is diving into darker territory for Nimue. Trigger and content warning for the following: Groping, attempted rape, actual rape, victim blaming, namecalling, acephobia
I DO NOT CONDONE WHAT IS WRITTEN HERE. IT’S AWFUL. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Nimue feels heavily uncomfortable in dresses and skirts. This stems from her prom night in high school, where she’d made herself a casual but pretty dress to wear. Her date, a well-known jock with an ego a mile wide, had a lot of trouble keeping his hands to himself.
Especially on the road home. He was fondling her breasts, her butt, anything he could get his hands on to get her in the mood for what he wanted. He’d pulled over and tried to rape her. Torn her dress, tried tearing off her bra and panties, pinned her down and tried to rape her.
The key word is tried. Nimue, at that point, had been taking self-defense classes for years and had also been training herself in parkour and acrobatics to take the role of Ignis later that year for a group cosplay. She’d used what she learned to get herself free and grab her shoulder bag purse before high-tailing it out of there. It left her feeling dirty, gross and alone.
It didn’t stop there, though. She called her dad, crying, trying to tell him what happened. He believed her right off, taking the rest of the night off work and picking her up with spare clothes he bought as quickly as possible so she didn’t have to stay out in the cold for long. It was just a dress shirt and a pair of jeans, but they were the safest thing Nimue had ever put on. Her dad promised he would take care of it once he was certain she’d be okay. Her mom also promised she’d take care of it, and her stepdad could be heard yelling “who the fuck put their hands on my wife’s child?!” in the background.
But her stepmother...
“He was only trying to make his night special. Why did you have to ruin it by being a prude?”
....didn’t believe that it was rape. She thought Nimue had lead him on until she decided that she didn’t want to anymore, putting the full blame of the incident on Nimue. No matter how hard they tried to tell her otherwise, her stepmother didn’t listen. She would throw slurs around, calling Nimue a slut, a whore and a cum dumpster, despite the fact that Nimue was still a virgin.
She would shame Nimue for not letting herself get raped by the boy, constantly inviting him over when her father was gone and then leaving. Trying to get Nimue raped, as the jock would attempt each time he was left with her. Nimue would tell her father, her stepmother would lie and say that Nimue invited him.
And when Nimue told her that she wasn’t interested in sex at all, and that it was definitely an attempted rape that night, her stepmother wouldn’t believe her. At all. It was her stepmother who orchestrated Nimue getting raped, as she tied Nimue up and then called the jock over. Stood there, smiling smugly as her stepdaughter was raped over and over again until the jock was satisfied. And then had the gall to ask her if she enjoyed what she’d been wanting this whole time.
Nimue blamed herself for it all. She wasn’t the same for a while, and her dad eventually figured it out when her stepmother was bragging about it to some of her friends. About how her “prudish stepdaughter” had finally lost her virginity and “found the right man” to “cure her supposed asexuality”.
All hell broke loose. Her dad rightfully wanted a divorce, her stepmother constantly refused and exclaimed that Nimue was to move out with her new boyfriend. That they could be together now that Nimue was “cured of her ‘ailment’”. It ended up with Nimue, her father and her stepmother’s daughter leaving and moving elsewhere to get away and serve her divorce papers.
Though traumatized from her experience, Nimue kept a brave face until she couldn’t handle it anymore. Developing Dissociative Identity Disorder in response to her trauma, Nimue formed two alters.
Said alters ended up being mainly fictive alters. Ignis formed first and became the main personality when she would dip out due to trauma. He ended up being in charge of most day-to-day tasks and keeping her father and stepsister appraised of the situation.
Gladiolus formed next. He was her protector, who fronted immediately and forcibly when she met the jock as he’d been sent by her stepmother to take her back. When she finally resurfaced after the forceful switch, he was begging her to stop, to let him go. And she did, staring as he ran away. Wondering what she did while she was out.
The switching wasn’t constant, but was enough for Nimue to finally seek help two months before she was due to go to the convention. In therapy, she learned of the existence of Ignis and Gladiolus, the two alters who had formed in response to her trauma. Though fictives were rare, hers were developed as a way to keep a line of normalcy for herself.
She learned of how Ignis kept things going when they switched, how he attended her classes for her and took pristine notes of each subject, interacted with her fellow classmates as if he was her.
Gladiolus admitted his part: he had beaten down the jock when they’d met. Protected her from him harming her ever again. She learned, from him, that she had more strength in her body than she realized thanks to all her self defense classes and self-imposed training sessions. Enough to beat up a teenager with a superiority complex that was taller than her.
She learned how to live with them as a part of her, and learned her switching triggers to lessen the times the three of them switched with one another. There were times when Nimue would allow Ignis to front to give herself a break from everything for a bit, or when Gladiolus would want to front to protect the three of them from any form of harm. Even if it meant getting rough.
The three of them worked like a well-polished system, a rarity in itself. Nimue knew that she had to learn how to work with her alters, and so she did. Even to this day, Nimue continues to work in tandem with her alters to make life easier on her.
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