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thefandomenchantress · 2 months

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Okay so. I’m currently working on a post that has this detail in it, but the post is really long and what I’m sharing now is at the end. And I don’t really expect a lot of people to through what’s probably 1,000+ words to get to it. I talked about it another time, but I don’t think it really got seen because it was a reblog. So I’m sharing it here, because I think it’s actually pretty important and should be talked about.

During Ace’s testimony about David and Arei, Arei says this:

Which makes sense by itself. We the audience know Arei would definitely say that, now that we know what happened in the Infirmary with Eden and Arei.

But remember. This is Ace’s testimony. And, well, there’s something that makes this very suspicious.

Ace doesn’t think Arei wants to change before he gives his testimony.

But he should. If we believe his testimony.

According to him, he heard her say that she wanted to change and “become a good person”. To be like Eden. And yet, he doesn’t believe Eden earlier in the trial when she says that Arei wanted to change, before he hears the story about Eden, Arei, and Arturo.

Which gives us four options, listed from worst to best (based on my opinions of course):

Option 1: The creator made a mistake and forgot Ace was supposed to know about Arei becoming a good person. I hate this answer, it’s such a cop-out. I hate assuming a creator made a mistake just because I don’t understand a piece of evidence or it doesn’t fit with my current view of something. I hesitate to even include this as an option. (This came out a bit aggressive sorry I just got a little passionate).

Option 2: Ace is a dumbass and didn’t remember that Arei said that until he said his testimony. While I don’t really like this one, either, since it’s also just a way of saying it’s irrelevant and doesn’t impact anything, I suppose it does sorta fit with Ace’s ‘act first, think second’ attitude.

Option 3: Ace is the culprit and jumped on the ‘Arei committed suicide’ bandwagon when he saw a chance to avoid most of the trial. I don’t really believe this one, but it is a viable option, I suppose. Though if he was the culprit, I don’t really understand why he wouldn’t share the David secret info immediately just to throw David under the bus and hope everyone voted for him.

Option 4: My personal favorite. Ace lies in his testimony. That’s why the information in it is inaccurate and why it seems like he hastily tried to add in details he recently learned from things like Eden’s testimony without considering the fact that the way he acted earlier wouldn’t make sense if he already overheard things about them. I’ll explain a little further.

The reason I believe this one the most, is also because of David’s reaction to Ace’s testimony.

He doesn’t say “No, Ace is lying” but he also doesn’t say “Yes, Ace is correct and his testimony is true.” Instead, he does something very interesting. He confirms that Arei and him met in the relaxation room…But refuses to admit that Ace is right about the conversation they had. Instead he avoids the question and says he isn’t going to remember anymore.

Which is really weird? Right before this he went on a big speech about just admitting the truth to preserve his pride. And this is backed up later when he refuses to be called the culprit—Well, until he realizes that’s the only way to get the class to realize he’s not the culprit. Or decides he wants to die. And yet, David refuses to say Ace told the truth about his and Arei’s conversation. Which he should be doing! Like I said, he went on a tangent about how he was just going to admit the truth right before this!

Which leads one to believe that Ace told the truth about David and Arei meeting in the relaxation room. But he changed the conversation they had in some way.

I think that’s the most agreeable part of the theory. The most believable, because it has the most evidence backing it up. However, Ace’s reasons for doing what he did, and what he changed in his testimony, are where things get a little messier.

Ace could’ve changed the story so that he could throw David under the bus, since David was trying to throw a bit of suspicion on him beforehand. But that still leaves the question of why. I’m gonna do a bit of repeating from my last theory, just for a little bit. Then we get back to some new stuff.

I’m going to go under the assumption that Ace changed the conversation to be about David’s secret, when in reality it was about something else, since I think that makes the most sense. (I recognize there are probably other avenues one could take, however). But if Ace knew David’s secret without overhearing it, he could’ve just said, “Hey, I know David’s secret, it’s the manipulator one! I know because *insert reasons Arei gave in the flashback, minus seeing it over Whit’s shoulder*” and that would be the end of it.

But Ace didn’t do that. Under this theory, he made up a whole conversation to justify why he knew. And I think it’s pretty simple to see why he did that.

Ace doesn’t want to die.

Ace just almost got murdered. He’s not too eager for that to happen again, so he wants to take all precautions to avoid it. People already don’t like him, so that’s not good. But what happens if people find out he’s observant enough to figure out David’s secret by himself, just from watching David’s behavior throughout the chapter? Currently, everyone thinking he’s an idiot when it comes to basically everything is working in his favor for once, since when trying to get away with murder, you’d probably want to murder the people who could potentially solve it. Not an incompetent asshole who’ll probably just make things easier for you. The only time this doesn’t apply is when the murder is more of a crime of passion, so to speak, like Nico’s. Where they, by their own admission, didn’t even think about the trial before they tried to murder.

So if Ace wants the best chance of avoiding becoming a future victim and revealing David’s secret, he can’t admit he found out on his own…And what better way to circumvent that than pin the blame on someone who’s already dead and can’t object to his story, like Arei? Better yet, he can just use the location and set-up he already saw, just change their conversation so that they said what he wanted!

Do you really think he left his story so open-ended on accident?

He purposely left it up to interpretation as to whether David was actually as evil as the secret says, because Ace himself doesn’t actually know if he is. He gives David the opportunity to reveal that the secret was exaggerated because he has no way of knowing if it is or not. He knows David manipulates people, like how he did so to make sure his real secret wasn’t revealed. But is he truly as pure evil as the secret makes him out to be? Ace doesn’t know.

Also, this line?

“I’m right, aren’t I?” This might be confirmation bias talking, but this just straight-up sounds to me like he’s saying, “I’m right, that is your secret and all those things I had ‘Arei’ say were true, weren’t they?”

Again, this isn’t my strongest point, but Ace in this case wasn’t really ‘right’. If anything, Arei was right because she accused David. Ace would only be right if he figured out his secret, which he didn’t according to his testimony.

But maybe I’m looking into this line too much. “I’m right and what I said happened actually happened” may just be the meaning. Moving on.

(Ace accidentally predicted the Literature Girl Insane video hehe).

With this theory in mind, Ace expected David to explain his behavior a multitude of ways, but completely changing his demeanor and just becoming a major asshole? He did not expect that.

This is on more of a light-hearted note, but:

This scene would be very fitting and kinda hilarious in retrospect if this theory were true. Ace is appalled by J’s comment because the part about him eavesdropping on a conversation was literally the only part of his testimony that was true, yet J finds it the most suspicious. And J’s habit of assuming the worst of people has been used for comedic effect before, so it’s possible.

Anyways, I think that’s all. The first part, about inconsistencies in Ace’s story, is probably the most relevant, and my theorizing afterwards was more so just my opinion on things and what I think happened.

I said I thought people wouldn’t read a long post, so I made a new one…But then the new post turned really long…Whoops.

#danganronpa despair time #drdt #drdt spoilers #ace markey #david chiem #theory #cw suicidal thoughts #technically? if you count my one mention of david possibly just wanting to die #thank you for listening to my insane rambling for so long #oops forgot arei #arei nageishi #i tried some stuff with colors this time hope you guys liked it

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shattered-sparks · 8 months

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cw -- Suicidal thoughts

Lunar has been a bit too much of a mood lately

#SAMS #TSAMS #sun and moon show #the sun and moon show #SAMS Lunar #suicidal thoughts #cw suicidal thoughts

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crabbng · 9 months

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just read through the very good and fun In Blood We Rise by @captainmera

you'll NEVER GUESS who my fave was

#in blood we rise #webcomics #draws #cw suicidal thoughts

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oboetemasuka · 3 months

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Happy Valentine's Day!

For @milgram-valentines-exchange, here is my piece for @hypn0sssss. I hope you enjoy! Individual panels, along with alt text, will be under the cut.

The brothers ever.

(Note that this touches on Haruka's situation, so Cw for suicidal thoughts, implied)

(1) "Fuuta-kun, I- I'm not sure what's going on, but... if there's anything I can do to help..."

(2) "He isn't a little kid anymore. He can hang out with anyone he wants." ... "I wish he'd visit me sometimes, though."

(3) "Haruka-kun hasn't come out in a while..." "Hey, Haruka, you in there?"

(4) "I have to keep my promise... for Muu-san's sake..." "Listen, Haruka. I can't claim to know what you're going through, but things will get better. I'll make sure they will."

Individual panels under the cut

#milgram #haruka sakurai #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #kyanako art #cw suicidal thoughts

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haystarlight · 1 year

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Reasons to not kiss her:

You weren’t raised to love tender.

When she’s around all you do is tremble. When she’s around you want to get on your knees. Look how much power she has over you. It’s dangerous.

She’s too good at forgiving and you’re too good at violence.

You know what they say about monsters. You know what happens to the ones who love them. Are you going to do that to her?

Your hands don’t know how to be gentle. Think about the last beautiful thing that shattered in your palms. The fresh rosebuds crumbling between your fingers like a bruise. You wolf-boy, you war machine. You wouldn’t know how to hold something magic and not destroy it.

If you hurt her it might kill you.

If you hurt her you might kill yourself.

You are very bad at rehabilitation. This is one addiction you’d fail to give up. She’s going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other lovers and you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to forget her name.

You still aren’t sure she isn’t a dream.

If you kiss her, you might wake up.

Reasons to kiss her:

Because she’s beautiful.

Because she asked.

Because she preceded “Please” with “I’m not afraid of you”.

Original post

yes & no // Natalie Wee

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kingprinceleo · 3 months

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Maybe doing another or a new hobby can help ! Maybe baking could help, even if u are not really good at it from the get go, is a fun thing to try out

i really should try to get into other hobbies but its very hard!! i have really bad perfectionism habits and immediately drop things im not instantly good at jfdgn and the Horrors make it hard for me to squeeze dopamine out of anything </3 tbh if anyone has suggestions for like, cheap things to do im listening fdbhjghjb

#i feel bad for complaining so often but man. there is not much good in my life rn #like im truly sorry that i keep biden blasting my blog with 2012 emo ranting #i just got nothin !!! to do!!! to think about!!#i cant even really generate art ideas anymore bc im becoming so far removed from a human person that my mind is just blank all the damn tim #shitty sketch of tails lifting a log to look at bugs is the most creative thing ive done in weeks #i really had to work for that idea #god im just. im numb im tired i want to die #i dont know how to be a person anymore and i feel like im losing my mind #cw vent #cw suicidal thoughts

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ohno-the-sun · 11 months

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I imagine they could coexist i mean there must be something else to moon other than parasite?

Yeah he is but its in his best interest to keep the body in good shape so there must be some plus sides to having him

Maybe he could keep them alive?

Figured since right now he is seeing sun as an enemy or rival of sorts the body is suffering but if he stoped viewing him as a threat (sun giving up) it could open the possibility of survival

(And lots of mental health care considering he literally gave up and said “pull the trigger”)

By Moon's nature he needs some sort of host to survive and he really has no qualms eating Sun considering Sun's trying to kill him.

The issue is as soon as Moon eats all that's left of Sun, there are no more nutrients left so he also will eventually die or infect another host.

Moon doesn't know that though and is going mainly on survival instinct and dislike for Sun.

The issue is both are too stubborn to give the other the chance and that ends up killing both or one of them depending on the ending.

At this point Moon only really cares about Y/N, to prevent Moon from just digging into Sun when he's finally given up, one would need to show Moon why Sun's life matters. What ties him to this world and why he would be missed if he were to leave. Make Moon care about Sun's life.

#mad scientist au #sundrop #moondrop #ask #cw suicide #tw suicide #cw suicidal thoughts

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deanwinchesterpregnant · 10 months

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jeremiah 8:20

– for @wincestwednesdays prompt: blood

Deanna’s never been the best at keeping track of her period, though in her defense her cycle has never exactly been regular. There’s always something – constantly swapping between fake insurances, going on and off the pill. A poor diet. Stress. Etcetera.

But in Detroit, she knows it’s been too long. A couple months, maybe three. She can’t remember. Can’t remember the last time she’d woken up with stains in her panties or the last time Sam had looked up from between her legs to say uh, I think it’s time to stock up on tampons, Dee. Everything in the past couple months has run together between God and the Devil and the angels who want to kill them and keep them alive and she just can’t remember jack shit.

She can’t even remember when this might have happened. Her and Sammy haven’t screwed much since she'd died and come back again, but clearly their sex life hasn’t suffered enough for them to not have fucked raw at least once these past few months.

She doesn’t bother to tell anybody. Bobby, Cas – they have enough on their plates, and Deanna’s just told her little brother to go ahead and offer himself up to Satan. Sorry, Dad. Couldn’t keep Sammy safe. Couldn’t keep him from knocking me up, either.

Deanna can’t have a baby, no matter how many secret domestic fantasies she harbors. Holding it, rocking it to sleep and passing out in a handmade chair. Sammy coming to find her and lifting the baby from her arms and putting it in the crib all gentle. Going days on not even her requisite 4 hours of beauty sleep. In another life, maybe. She can’t have a baby and she especially can’t have a baby with Sam, so maybe it doesn’t matter.

“Did you know?” Deanna asks Cas, driving away from Lawrence all those hours later. Maybe days later. It’s all run together; she’s doing 80 in a 55 easy, and the trees that line the highway pass as nothing more than brown-grey-green blurs.

“Did I know what?” Castiel asks. He won’t look at her and well, that’s just fine. Her eyes are on the road and her grip on the wheel is so tight that she can feel all the folds and impressions in the leather making divots on her palm. She’s not looking at anybody.

“Don’t play dumb, Cas. That ain��t you.”

Castiel sighs, and then he’s so silent that she thinks maybe he’s gone, the bastard. Never was very good at goodbyes.

“It wasn’t a choice.”

“Huh?”

“When I healed you,” Castiel says. His breathing is even; if he had a heartbeat Deanna is sure it would be steady. She feels like her whole esophagus is going to be ripped out from her throat any second, can feel a wave threatening to crash behind her eyelids, and here he is with his even cadence and his abiding faith in God. “When I healed you, it – I healed everything. I didn’t get to pick and choose.”

“Right,” she says. The mile markers and exit signs pass too fast for her to read them. “Right, I knew that.”

Castiel's voice sounds so gentle when he says: “Lucifer had beat you nearly to death. It was already dead, Deanna.” She hates it.

And aren't these things supposed to end in blood, anyway? Shouldn’t she have had this one last thing, one last moment of watching a part of her brother bleed from her, one last bit of Sam to have and to hold and to lose? Shouldn’t she have felt that singular pain, sharp in her gut, heavy in her cunt? Shouldn't she have bled for all those months she went without? It shouldn't have ended in nothing but a touch to the forehead. Everything she’s ever had, all taken away by God; fucking God and the Devil and all the angels who want to keep her alive. She’s not sure there are any left who want her dead, and maybe she wishes there were.

“Well, that’s just bullshit,” she says. Castiel doesn’t point out how thick her voice sounds. He doesn’t point out how it cracks over the sharp punch of the shit. With a flutter of wings, he’s gone. It doesn’t matter. She can’t have a baby, and she especially can’t have a baby with Sam. She’ll go live this apple pie life because that’s what Sammy wanted, and she’ll do it with somebody else’s kid.

#'oh spike wrote something about pregnancy? let's all pretend to be SHOCKED'#wincest #wincest wednesday #femchesters #cw miscarriage #cw suicidal thoughts #idk...periods and pregnancy stuff?? i don't know ask to tag lol #i couldn't decide between trans dean and cis deanna for AGES but i've had girl!dean on the brain recently sorry #spike words #ww ficlet

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oobbbear · 6 months

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What does the water guy do? :o

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!! Mention of suicidal thoughts too!!!!! You’ve been warned!!!!!

The meaning behind this drawing is that in the story Dolus was drowned in the ocean, he was in a very bad place both physically and mentally at the time, so in contrast the cold ocean water feels more like a relief than danger, like a warm hug comforting him saying all of these are going to be over soon you can rest now, that’s why the caption says “Like a hug” this is where the idea of the Water angel first originated

Remember in the first comic “Rubber”, Life says that Dolus will be visiting Death a lot? He did he visited death a lot, he’s body have the power to self heal whenever he got seriously injured, and when his body’s healing his soul just chill in Death’s place until he can go back. He’s basically invincible till he got killed by the “right tool” according to Life’s word.

The ‘right tool’ here is the acceptance of death, he can only truly die if he chose to, not by accident not by fucking around to see what can kill him, he can only die if he truly wants to, and he has to do it by himself.

This is a conversation between Life(L) and Death(D)

The water angel is the personification of the “right tool”/his “weak spot” or simply Dolus’ death. Dolus took time and thought through his decision before taking the hand of the angel who will lead him to his eternal rest

The angel is not real it is more of a little creature Dolus imagined to help him cope

The angel would act very clingy and demanding when the thought of end is on his mind, it will ask for his acceptance and pray for his attention

It hypes up when he’s hyped, it calms down when he is calm, it is apart of him, a part he doesn’t know how to deal with but don’t want to get rid of. It hurts when it gets aggressive but can be comforting at time needed

This is basically all I got for the Water angel, hope this explains something! it is a very weird part of my story that I don’t know how to fit into the comic.

#ask #afterland postal #oc #cw suicidal thoughts #water angel

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ilikecheeseandchocolatee · 11 days

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Minor vent. Read tags before the vent.

So I’m just kinda dejectedly sad right now because I just realized how big the difference is between me and my sister. I love her to bits and I love her to the end of the world but sometimes I’m so angry at her and sometimes I’m jealous of her, which doesn’t even make sense because it’s not like she has it any better than I do.

But she deals with it so differently to me. She can wake up cranky and yell at my mom for every minor inconvenience and have her every need catered to because otherwise she lashes out hard, and she can still do the things she needs to. She has an endless list of triggers and she can STILL function better than me. Me who has to construct intricate plans just to get myself out of bed, just to open my textbook, just to coax my brain into doing things I like and enjoy doing. I have to wake up and immediately practise happiness and gratitude or my day goes to shit, and she can wake up and immediately snap at multiple people and still get shit done. I have to take fucking 30 milligrams of antidepressants everyday and i STILL can’t study, she hasn’t even been to a competent psychologist yet and gets no help whatsoever but still can spend hours each day studying subjects she doesn’t even like. She HATES math, and I LOVE math, but she’s been doing a lot more math than me lately. I’m encouraging her to please please come to me any time she has a math question just so I can explain it to her and perhaps remind my lazy brain that I fucking love this subject. But it doesn’t help when I can’t get myself to get off my bed until 3pm, and most of the day is over and I can’t bring myself to shower just because that day was supposed to be Wash Hair day but I hate washing my hair so I just. Don’t shower, not even just my body. And like that I go 3 days without showering until my brain remembers that at least just body is better than nothing. My sister showers almost everyday and she’s not even getting help for her mental health.

I wish I could function like her. Yesterday I ended up accidentally revealing to her a section of my suicidal urges and she got so concerned that she made me watch this fluff drama she thinks I’ll like and let me play my ukulele while watching, which is something she doesn’t like otherwise. She doesn’t like it when there are other sounds when we’re watching something but yesterday she consciously knew that I was playing ukulele while watching and she just let me do it. I only realized I was doing it when she noticed me suddenly stop when there was a dramatic beat drop in the show. She literally tried her best just to get me out of bed, brush my teeth, eat something, just so I could try functioning, and she doesn’t need any of that help herself. And it’s not like she isn’t struggling because she IS, she has so many triggers and keeps insisting that she’s not autistic even tho multiple professionals have suggested an autism assessment. She has so many sensory issues and she can still function so much better than I can.

That’s another thing, I don’t think I’d call it a hyperfixation but I’m currently super obsessed with Thailand and Thai culture and it’s been like that for over a year now, and despite all that I can’t bring myself to consume Thai media that I actually fucking like a lot. Meanwhile, after I introduced her to Thai dramas she’s watched like over 50 dramas and she didn’t even like most of them but she can still watch that much and meanwhile there’s me, I’ll probably like anything and everything Thai that I consume but I barely watch things, barely read things, I can kinda speak basic words and sentences now but that’s it that’s the extent of my Thainess. I love Thai dramas so much but I think I’ve maybe watched like 6 of those. That’s literally it. And I really fucking like them. And like. I can’t do things I like anymore, meanwhile she’s doing things that she likes AND she’s doing things that she needs to do.

My sister can cook. She’s two years younger than me, has a billion sensory issues, and SHE can cook and I can’t. And a few years ago I was on a Wikipedia binge and realized there’s something called Mageirocophobia which is phobia of cooking and realized that wait shit. THATS what it’s been. Because it’s not just heat it’s even processes that don’t require heat that I completely freak out doing and I was hating myself. And I guess I still hate that I can’t cook. I’m a legal adult now and I can’t cook. A few days ago my sister was teaching me how to make fried egg, and I had a complete meltdown and started crying because i couldn’t crack an egg. AN. EGG. Like it’s not even that I couldn’t do it, I stood there panicking for at least 15 minutes trying to get myself to just TRY cracking an egg, and eventually my legs went wobbly and my ears went blank and I was sitting on the ground because I was dizzy, and then when I finally got myself to just TRY cracking the goddamn egg, i started crying and couldn’t stop for ages. I felt so so stupid and the entire time my sister was compassionate with me. This morning I heated milk for myself and I was so proud of myself for literally heating milk for myself. It’s not even cooking it’s literally just heating this white liquid. I can do math and advanced calculus but I can’t fucking crack an egg. And it’s so demotivating.

I’m so tired of being more unable to take care of myself than my literal younger sister. I feel so incompetent sometimes. What’s the point of being so book smart if I can’t function like a regular person. My mom is so stressed about my state right now, I can’t even bring myself to tell her I need to see a doctor because I need to reevaluate my dosage and also talk about the fact that I missed my period this month for the first time in ages, and the last time I missed periods was when my mental health was supremely shit. She’s stressed enough about a ton of other things that are too complicated to get into in this vent, and my dad isn’t here so until my dad gets back there isn’t much I can do without my mom knowing about it. And I’m supposed to be the responsible one while my dad is gone, because he knows my mom has issues and he has no choice but to go and I take after him so I know how to keep her calm so it’s on me but I can barely take care of MYSELF and my sister is having to take care of ME and she’s literally younger than me and she’s not even a legal adult yet.

I wish I didn’t have to depend on my little sister for so many things and I wish I could function like she does and I wish I could be what my family needs me to be instead of someone who stays on the bed doing absolutely nothing.

And then there’s my mutuals you’re all so nice to me and think I’m such a wonderful person and everything and sometimes I can’t bear it because there’s nothing remarkable about me other than the fact that I have a billion problems. All my friends act like they’re so glad to have me as a friend and my best friends love me so much and I don’t understand. How anyone can feel like that about me. If I were someone else I’d probably like being friends with me but only because being able to help others with their mental health makes me feel better about myself. Except that I can’t even do that anymore. I’ve barely talked to my friends in ages and I miss them but I can’t bring myself to talk to them because it’s really obvious how badly I’m doing lately and I don’t want MORE people to be stressed about me. I’ve already stressed out my mom and sister enough. My dad knows I’m not doing well but I can’t tell him much either because it won’t do for him to be stressed where he is right now.

Sigh this ended up not being a minor vent after all. As usual. It’s almost like every time I sit and let my feelings out they just tumble out all at once. Maybe that’s good. I haven’t journaled in way too long which has resulted in my memory issues going to shit even worse. At this point I don’t even know how I’m going to face all my teachers back at school because they’ll be expecting great things from me, they’ll be expecting me to be rejuvenated and energetic again after all this time off, and they’ll expect me to do fantastic at my exams just like they expect me to. And meanwhile my memory is so bad that I forgot all about further maths until right now literally a month from my first exam and I haven’t studied a single part of it. Not a single part of further maths in the entire time I’ve been off school. And I have a month left to sort out my shit. Further maths is supposed to be a subject that’s difficult to get an A in even with 2 whole years of studying. My official predicted grade is A but I know my teachers are expecting me to get an A* because apparently they just have that much faith in me. I don’t know if I can face them in a couple of weeks when I show up and they ask me how I’m doing and I’ll have to be like yeah. I don’t know shit about your subject. I’m sorry. And they’re so so nice to me but what can I do about the fact that I literally have not been functioning for the past few months.

I’ll probably even end up seeing my ex there because my luck is just that horrendous. And at first I was planning to be so goddamn good at my subjects that I’d destroy him in revision sessions but now I just feel stupid. And he got an offer from fucking Oxford university. I was so ready to beat him at everything and prove that I was more worthy of that offer even if it was just proving to myself. But now I see why I’m not worthy of it. My absolute love and passion for my subjects can’t motivate me enough to get out of bed, of course I wouldn’t survive Oxford. And if he sees me and sees me be shit at everything that’s just gonna make him feel better about himself which he does NOT deserve. Okay admittedly he got a lot of shit that does deserve. But he did not deserve that Oxford offer. He’s literally not even gonna go to Oxford he’s literally rejecting them. He just applied for the heck of it. He did NOT deserve that offer. Ugh and I have to face him probably.

Have I mentioned yet that I’m not looking forward to heading back to the UK.

I’m not looking forward to heading back to the UK. At all. And I hope to never associate with that school ever again after my exams are done.

So this ended up being not so much of a minor vent. I think the fact that I’m literally now resorting to Tumblr Decree just to help me get started and get in the flow, that says a lot about my mental state. I’ve tried everything I can think of and now I’m just hoping the notes thing becomes the reason I start functioning again. In like 24 hours people have already passed the first three milestones which means I should AT LEAST finish astrophysics by the end of the day and possibly try emailing my teacher about The Thing. Tomorrow I should finish the rest of physics. If people reach 800 by tomorrow I’ll also just skim over math real quick. Math shouldn’t be as much of a problem as Further Maths. Sigh I just. Need to get my head in the game. Get that textbook open and just read a couple of sentences just to start off. I just need to read a couple of sentences. A couple of sentences is better than no sentences. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS

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steeb-stn · 8 months

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thinking about the AU where joel dies instead of sarah and how DEVASTATING that would be for her, losing her dad at that age in that way. Like in a way just as devastating as joel losing her.

thinking about tommy curling around her in some fedra shelter, stroking her hair and holding her hand as she cries herself to sleep every night. He wishes it had been him, it shoulda been him, because this girl needs her dad, not him, and the hole where joel used to be hurts so much tommy thinks sometimes maybe it’d be better to be dead than feel this.

but joels dead and tommys not, and he made his big brother a promise before he died to take care of his girl, and tommy will be damned if he breaks that promise. Tommy the joiner, always looking for a purpose in life, and he finds it the night his brother dies. Take care of his brother’s girl.

yall like. Tommy devotes himself to sarahs protection for YEARS, its all he thinks about, keeping her safe, and then they run into the jackson folk and MARIA and he falls in love but he CANT get involved bc his one priority in life is SARAH but sarahs like, ‘im safe, uncle tommy. I grew up, and I can protect myself now. You did a good job. You can let yourself have this, you know. You deserve to be happy. Dad would want this for you.’

#Tommy miller #sarah miller #miller family tlou #The last of us #Cw suicidal thoughts

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oboetemasuka · 1 month

Text

Order of Attack, part 14

When you thought you were saving someone, but you were only doing them harm.

Amane visits Fuuta yet again, while Es interrogates Mikoto. If these events are concurrent, wouldn't it be more poetic?

Huge thanks to @lostxmelody and @laniemae for the pointers on the John section.

We're really almost done here... I've already got Kotoko's half-a-VD written out, just waiting for proofreading. Then one chapter left after that. (not counting side stories)

(cw cults, suicidal thoughts, self harm)

"Kajiyama Fuuta, how are-" Amane stopped in her tracks when she got a good look at Fuuta's face. His eyes were so dull, almost sunken in. Eyebags went down his face as far as they could. If she thought he couldn't have looked any more lifeless before, she was proven wrong now.

"Constant pain… as always. But fine… it'll be worth…" he groaned.

She had told him as much, so why did she feel so wrong? "Are you really okay with that?"

"Why not? …better than numbing… to obliv…" His words were so much more strained than before.

"You don't sound okay…"

"…fine… be over soon…" Over? He couldn't mean-

"Hold on, let me get-" Get who? Certainly not the doctor sleeping in the corner. What about Yuno or Mahiru, then?

"No need… can manage… my own…"

This wasn't right. But who was Amane to steal a trial?

"I'm sorry for being so worried, but it feels like things are going horribly, horribly wrong."

"All accord… …plan… …you said… " Fuuta mumbled.

Amane did say those things before, didn't she? So why did it feel so bad to have them echoed back at her?

"What about you, though? What do you want?"

"…like… …was said… stay course… perish…"

"Perish!?"

"Something wrong…?"

Yes, everything was wrong. What had she gotten him into? How was she supposed to respond to her own words?

"Amane… what do… want… for me… follow… …light…"

"I… I don't know what I want," she admitted. "But it isn't this!" Tears streamed from her eye. She made no effort to hide them. "Fuuta-san, I don't want you to die…"

Fuuta's eyes were closed. He was… definitely asleep. Did he hear what she said?

Amane glanced at Shidou. She didn't want to get him, but honestly, he was the only one who knew how to help. She could just claim she was about to leave; waking Shidou up was the responsible thing to do so as not to leave Fuuta alone. She wouldn't say anything about their conversation, just let Shidou figure out what was wrong and do his job. She would just turn a blind eye and pretend she didn't know what he would do.

She hoped Fuuta would be okay.

——

Mikoto tugged the chains and laughed nervously. "Dangerous? Me? Warden-kun, you make funny jokes."

Es was sure the look on their face was the opposite of joking. "I know you're not clueless… or am I wrong?"

"You're so mean," Mikoto responded with a chuckle. "Though… I think I know what you're referring to." He swept his hair to one side in contemplation. "It's about Koto-chan, isn't it?"

Es nodded.

"I honestly don't remember beyond what the others told me. I just woke up and saw Fuuta and Amane horribly injured, with Shidou-san looking over them. I was hurting too, but they obviously needed help more."

Only now did Es realize that the attacks impacted Mikoto as well. "So did you eventually get help?"

"Oh, I didn't. It seems everyone is afraid of me, so I don't want to bother them. It's so strange. They say my actions saved Amane's life… That's like calling me an unsung hero to my face. It hurts, you know?" Yet he still said that with a smile.

"That must feel bad, indeed," Es replied flatly.

"Warden-kun, you're so cold. Everyone is. They won't even let me visit after what happened with Fuuta, apparently. I don't even remember what happened!" There was a crack in his voice.

"What are you getting at?"

"It's so lonely here. I can't visit anyone, and nobody visits me." Mikoto rested his chin on his hand. "Haru-kun was the last person to visit, and that was so long ago."

Es felt bad for Mikoto, but that didn't change what a liability he was.

They also felt bad for how they were about to steer the conversation.

"You scared of me?" The newly named John growled.

"Why should I be? You did get folded by Kotoko."

"Psh, she just caught me off guard. This time, I got the jump on her."

"I don't know… based on what I heard, the fight was a draw."

"Which means I didn't lose."

"Tell me, what were you doing in Fuuta's cell in the first place?"

"What's it to you?"

"I want to get a sense of your motivations."

"Hah, my motivations? Isn't it obvious?"

"Answer the question."

"So I tell you a sob story, and you forgive 'me'?"

"Answer the question, John."

John huffed. "It was all to protect 'me'. When I heard the scream, I thought that 'I' would be next. I went to seek out the threat so it wouldn't get the jump on me."

"You went all the way from across the panopticon?"

John shrugged. "It's best to stop threats early."

"I see. You had excellent timing."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You saved Amane's life, you know."

"Good for her." John clearly couldn't care less. Of course it wasn't about Amane. It was about Mikoto.

"Then would you say you've done a good job protecting the one you meant to protect?"

"The hell are you asking me about?"

"Mikoto has been ostracized because of your actions."

"My actions? All I was doing was keeping 'me' safe. You're the ones who put 'me' in this hellhole!"

"I had no hand in bringing anyone to MILGRAM."

"But you didn't forgive 'me'. That was the tipping point."

"I can't say I had any reason to judge otherwise. The footage was really incriminating."

"That was my doing," John said immediately, eyes wide with desperation. "I got us into MILGRAM." And he was ready to plead with Es to get them out.

#milgram #amane momose #fuuta kajiyama #mikoto kayano #john kayano #john milgram #es milgram #milgram es #bad things happen to amane #cw cults #cw suicidal thoughts #cw self harm

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