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wisteria-lodge · 3 years

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snake primary + snake secondary (bird model)

Hello! I recently discovered your blog and really love the thought you’ve put into the nuances of the SHC system. I’m super into these kinds of personality analysis systems (I’ve probably been through them all at this point) because I think it’s interesting to know how people tick - I also think self-awareness is important so that you know why you do what you do, essentially. I took the SHC quiz and it told me I was a Snake Primary with a Bird Model, and a Bird Secondary with a Snake Model. I agree that I’m probably a (somewhat petrified) Snake Primary with a strong Bird Model, but I’m not sure which is my true secondary and which is the model. Maybe you can help?

I can sure try :)

Some things about me: I’m an oldest daughter, and I’m almost 100% sure my dad is a Bird Snake and I *idolized* him as a child - I thought he had it all figured out. He was the Zeus to my Athena in my child’s eyes, and I think I got my Bird primary model very early from copying him.

I mean, I know what you mean in a “sole creator” sense, but there is no *way* Athena thought Zeus had it all figured out.

My two younger brothers are a Lion Snake and a Lion Badger, and my mother is possibly a Double Badger, though I’m not as sure about her - maybe she just thinks that she *should* be a Double Badger. I think all that is important to help illustrate that I didn’t really feel *at home* when I was with my family, though I loved them, since I was the only Snake. My parents also had a terrible relationship and are now divorced, so there’s that as well. I think the only time I have ever been truly morally outraged was the revelation that my dad had engaged in infidelity against my mom, and then again when he started dragging his feet over a promise the he had made my youngest brother. We didn’t speak for a long time after that incident, but I was really cut up over dropping him.

Oh yeah. That’s very Snake primary. Morally outraged because your People are getting hurt.

We eventually started to reconcile, and the only reason we did was because he called and said he was driving through my city one day, and even after all of that, I said yes to meeting up because I felt sad that I had dropped him. I think this family dynamic, plus some other childhood stuff, led to me sort of “checking out” and petrifying pretty early.

Just a theory - I think it’s possible that this hit your secondary more than it hit your primary. You seem pretty strong and confident in your Snake primary so far. Even the fact that you can identify it coming from such a non-Snake environment, and don’t feel guilty about it, is big.

I had a lot of trouble making friends in school.

I’m thinking this might be more of a secondary thing.

and generally ended up with like one friend who was the other weird girl, and who I always sort of kept at arm’s length emotionally. I moved schools several times as a kid and after the first best friend (who was the daughter of my mom’s best friend and was like a sister to me until she moved away), I really didn’t try too hard to make new “best” friends.

Hmm. See, this reads like a *default* friend to me, not a friend of choice. The other weird girl. The daughter of your mom’s friend. That’s an easy friend to have… and not one that you necessarily sought out. I’m not surprised that your primary didn’t latch onto her with that Snake intensity.

Even now, though I definitely have concentric circles of loyalty and a significant other who is my “top person”, I’m not sure I have that blind Snake I-would-literally-die-for-you loyalty toward anyone - I’d kill or hide a body for my top circles

That *is* Snake loyalty. Snakes aren’t going to die for someone else, are you kidding? That’s a sucker’s game. They value themselves too much.

I would give up a lot of my own comfort for my significant other. Maybe I’m just afraid to let myself feel that unquestioning loyalty, though I want to feel it, or maybe I’m really a Bird and just want to be a Snake because that would mean I could be un-broken eventually.

Let’s talk about your secondary, I want to hear about how you think you’re broken, because so far you seem fine. Congrats on the SO!

I don’t think I’m an Idealist though - I’m surrounded by them and I know I don’t care about “principles” the way they do. Then again, maybe I’m a Bird whose truth is that moral relativism is the truth lol. Anyway, I think for my primary, I’m probably a petrified Snake with a Bird model unless I’m totally wrong about myself.

I think you’re just a Snake who… is a Snake.

(you’ve got that Birdy influence though, from your dad, and they do like to complicate things.)

As for my secondary, I loved to read (everything - all kinds of fiction, especially sci-fi/fantasy/mystery and, like, Victorian sci-fi/horror adventures, nature books, medical texts, etc. Wikipedia was a revelation when it came out), and I was smart and good at taking tests and knowing the answers in school, so at a certain point I think I just defaulted to being “the smart one” and used that as armor to help keep people from getting too close.

yep yep yep, welcome to the ‘fun Bird model’ club, we have snacks

I do genuinely love to learn, and I’ve always been known among friends and family as the one who either knows the answer or will look it up. I love pop culture trivia and nature facts. I also love and am good at debate, but not really when real feelings are involved - I more love the “battle of wits” aspect, where I can match up against a person to see if my knowledge and ability to adapt my argument on the fly can stump them.

I also would argue the unpopular point, or the point I didn’t agree with, just for sport. Fun Bird secondary model.

I developed terrible anxiety and probably some depression as well in high school.

Okay, now I’m seeing the problem.

and now that I’m older, I suspect that I may have ADHD, though I haven’t been officially assessed. I didn’t discover my executive function issues really until college, when suddenly being smart and being able to figure out the test answers through context clues and what I remembered from lectures and readings + whatever trivia I had gathered about the topic wasn’t enough anymore.

I suspect you’re right about being ADHD. Or at least being neruodivergent.

I am horrible at studying! I would plan out my study sessions and make these nice little cheat sheets (these were allowed on exams) and they didn’t work at all! I did very well in my literature minor though, because all the graded assignments were papers rather than open-answer tests, and I could get my thoughts out better and with more resources at my disposal if I forgot something and needed to go back to the book to check.

Oh ouch. Yeah, I’m not even relating this back to a secondary, because I’m reading this as a working memory thing? Like ugh tests are such a terrible way access knowledge. What is even the *point* of memorization anymore? You should have been able to have a college career that was completely writing papers, like I did.

I was at one point very jealous of my Lion Snake brother, who I felt could do “whatever he wanted” with minimal consequences, while I always felt constrained by being “good” and not rocking the boat too much with my family.

Yep. That’s being an oldest daughter.

I couldn’t understand why he didn’t seem to care about being considerate to everyone else in the household (especially my chronically overworked, can’t-say-no Badger mom lol).

It’s because he’s the youngest. Mine’s the same.

This attitude was definitely influenced by my anxiety issues at that time, since I had (and still have) a lot of trouble asking for anything - help, permission, whatever. I’d rather do things and explore on my own, without anyone watching, so I don’t have to ask and don’t have to explain.

Did you low-key raise your younger siblings? Because it sounds like you raised your siblings.

I feel better with a little bit of distance, and definitely wear masks in most situations. I’d say my masks are half conscious and half reactive - I do have some idea of how I’d like to be perceived, but it’s only kind of systematic.

That makes me think Snake or Badger secondary.

I have a few “characters” that I use as touchpoints when I’m going into a new situation, but once I’m there I mostly just act nice and funny and see what happens.

So far I’m going with Badger secondary (be nice and and assume it’ll be fine is very badger) with a fun Bird secondary model, that you can do an Actor Bird thing with. Although liking to “just see what happens” is pretty snake.

The characters are really just costumes I use to give off a certain first impression, although I do really like the costumes and find them fun. I love clothes, makeup, and perfume too, because I enjoy the idea of making multidimensional costumes for different settings. I actually enjoy the mask a lot of the time - I have tattoos that are purposefully in places that I can cover easily, because I enjoy the idea that there’s something under the professional mask that people only know about if I show them. I’m a bit socially awkward I think (I repeat myself and talk a lot), but most people tend to either like me or tolerate me, and I don’t get into a lot of interpersonal conflicts.

Hm. Either Courtier Badger or Snake secondary, fun Bird secondary model. However. Especially after talking about your Actor Bird in such fun, positive, happy language… I am going to call you out for “socially awkward” and “people tolerate me.” Which tells me you don’t have as much faith in your social skill set, and it’s *maybe* a little burnt.

(Also, not to get too armchair psychologist tell-me-about-your-mother, but if your mom has a “chronically overworked, can’t-say-no” Badger secondary… that’s going to affect how you see Badger secondaries.)

Right now I work in a very Badger/Bird workplace, and it’s really a terrible fit, even though I can squeak by enough to fool my superiors into thinking I’m doing a good job.

oh we’ve got some imposter syndrome, that can also be a burnt secondary thing.

It’s all long-term planning and daily maintenance tasks, and I really don’t like it. I change most of my plans partway through, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m really an improvisational secondary at heart, or if I’m truly a Bird that’s just bad at planning for all of the variables.

I’m going to say you’re not a Bird. Making cheat-sheets (which is a very Bird secondary strategy) also did not work, and you feel confined by, not comforted by plans. You’re not a Lion, you enjoy keeping your true self to yourself too much. You could be either a Badger or Snake. And if you really hate daily maintenance tasks… that could be coming from a few places, but it makes me lean Snake.

I love being in situations where I can iterate on a plan, or make a new plan on the fly. I love escape rooms and am pretty good at them; I still get stumped and need hints sometimes, but when I *get* a puzzle, it sort of just clicks for me? I don’t think in a very linear way and am not a good chess player, but I also have never studied chess so perhaps I just am at a knowledge disadvantage in that game.

This is also you using Bird to have fun, and we know you *love* using Bird to have fun.

One of my proudest moments

okay this is definitely going to be helpful

was when I was on a day trip with my significant other, and we needed to find a place to buy food quickly so we wouldn’t miss a specific ferry and then a specific bus - we were on an island, and near the ferry station the restaurants were all too expensive and we were worried they would take too long anyway. He was starting to get frazzled, but I was able to think on my feet, and we just grabbed a calming beer (lol) at a creepy neighborhood bar, then got on the ferry and bought microwave meals at a 7-Eleven by the bus station. It was awesome and I was very proud of myself for staying calm and looking around myself for options.

Well that is VERY Snake secondary.

I generally take a long time making decisions when it’s not a crisis situation, because I have to *weigh all the options*, but I often end up in analysis paralysis. Crunch time is where I really shine as a decision-maker.

Snake again. From what I’m seeing, your Bird is a fantastic toy, but actually kind of makes you miserable when you have to depend on it for the important stuff. (studying, your job, making important decisions)

All of this long post is to say, I’m not sure whether my Bird secondary is a fun model that got repurposed into an executive dysfunction compensation tool and anxiety/depression soother to supplement my Snake secondary

I think you hit the nail straight on the head right there.

or if Bird is my true secondary and Snake is a model that I learned from my dad and brother + characters I admire in media

oh your favorite characters are Snake secondaries are they? That’s a big tell.

and that I use when I fail to plan adequately given my executive dysfunction.

Executive dysfunction is a whole thing, but you don’t have to “”plan adequately”” for everything.

I find both fun and both useful, but I’m not sure which is innate and which is the model!

My money is on snake secondary, Bird secondary model.

#submission #sortinghatchats #wisteria sorts #sortme #double snake #snake primary #snake secondary #bird secondary model #family dynamics

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copperpieceharlot · 3 years

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Bud I’m sorry to swing into your inbox uninvited like this but my soul is having an OOTS renaissance thanks to your content in the tag and did you say Leverage AU

haha holy SHIT this got Long. but yes. i’ve been. Thinking. (also literally Never feel like you have to apologize for sending me messages. i was Hoping someone would ask me about this. now i have an Excuse to share EVERYTHING ive written abt it :3)

Obviously, Roy is the leader/brains of the outfit. He grew up having some Strong Opinions abt what’s Legal versus what’s Right due to tragic backstory involving the death of his little brother which was definitely SOMEONE’S fault for negligence but since there technically wasn’t any illegal behavior, there were no consequences for it. Also he’s still angry at his dad bc he thinks his dad is also partly culpable (and also also just a dick). He’s the Moral Backbone of the team (alongside Durkon, more on that later) in basically the same way Nate was in og Leverage. He’s actually not the best at figuring out what people want (that’s Haley and, shockingly, occasionally Elan), but once he has that info, he is the absolute best at figuring out the ideal plan of attack to use in any given case.

Haley is still a thief. I mean she maps to Parker almost PERFECTLY. Her dad was a thief & a conman, her mom wasn’t but knew about it and mostly accepted it, but she died tragically in a mugging gone wrong or smth, which made Ian crank the paranoia WAY up and taught Haley to do the same in the name of “safety”. Let’s keep the “Ian is in Trouble and Haley needs money, Fast” which is why she signs on to the first job in the first place. She’s less acrobatic than Parker, tending towards finding (or making) weak spots in security, but she can still make a tumble check when she needs to.

Elan is the grifter who is somehow an Idiot but also not???? It baffles everyone. When he’s playing a part for a con, he’s FLAWLESS, but then the rest of the time he’s just. No Thoughts Head Empty. He probably gets lured in initially because he’s decided to try his hand at being part of a full team, rather than the two-man cons he’s been running that invariably end w his partner conning him as well and stealing half of his take. Also he likes the idea of being Crime Friends. He’s that tweet where it’s like, Roy: “after the heist is over, we split up and never communicate again” / Elan: [about to unveil his Crime Buddies Forever Friendship Quilt Puppets]: “never?”

Vaarsuvius is the hacker/gadget person. They have a Vaguely Snobby Yet Unidentifiable accent, dyed(?) purple hair (nobody has ever seen their roots) and nobody knows who they “really” are or where they came from, but they’re good at what they do so everyone just accepts the mystery. They probably got suckered into the team by their initial employer (who I’ll get to Eventually, lol) framing it as a challenge to their intellect, like, “oh, I see, you’re not smart enough to make this team work for you...” to which they were like Fucking Watch Me and also melted his computer. Anyways. They are joined (digitally) by their Intrepid Friend And Co-Conspirator (his words, not theirs), a fellow hacker known only as Blackwing, or, on certain forums, Blackwing_Bird. (In the first season, V only occasionally references him when saying they’re “calling in extra help” or smth for a particularly complex hack job. He starts showing up a little more in s2 and eventually by the start of s4 is a regular & established presence, but only appears as actions in a computer interface or output.) Elan is convinced he’s an AI, Belkar doesn’t think he actually exists, Haley pretends she doesn’t think he exists, and Durkon and Roy try not to think about it too hard, as long as B and V still get the job done.

Belkar is the hitter. He is on the team bc their initial employer got him out of jail for it. He doesn’t have a tragic backstory, he just likes doing violent crimes. As the series progresses, he grows some empathy & stuff, but really only for people who actually deserve it. Assholes still get decked. It’s all very touching. (Also he has dwarfism caused by achondroplasia. It doesn’t actually bother him and is useful in fights bc his opponents frequently have no fucking clue how to approach him, but he likes Pretending to take offense at stupid things just to see how far he can go with it.)

Aaaand last but not least, Durkon is the least involved member of the team. He’s actually a career criminal and Roy’s mentor, and wasn’t a member of the initial team that [redacted, I’ll tell you later, PROMISE] put together for a couple of reasons, the main one being that he’s Officially retired in order to spend more time with his family, which consists of his mom, his friend (not girlfriend) Hilgya, baby Kudzu, and a truly stunning number of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Roy frequently calls or visits him for advice and he Occasionally shows up to help out on local jobs, but generally he avoids doing crime if he can (as part of a deal with Hilgya, who is also a career criminal; basically, they’ve both cut back on the crime in order to provide a more stable home environment for Kudzu. But sometimes, you gotta do a little crime, and in those cases, Sigdi enjoys spending time w her grandson.)

NOW. THE BIG REVEAL YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR. Who got the team together in the first place?!

The answer: Lord Shojo (or whatever Normal Person Name you want to assign him). Now this is where it gets tricky: he had them do a thing that they thought was good, THEN they thought it was BAD, but then when they confronted him he revealed that it Appearing to be bad was actually a test of character and would they consider working as basically internal investigators for him? But then he had a heart attack, so, rip. But THEN it turned out that he’d left them a bunch of money anyway and they were all feeling kind of Inspired so they formed the Order of the Stick, LLC (which, no, i am not coming up with a new name, actually, because I just don’t care. someone else can come up w a justification for that name, tho, i’m sure it’s possible). Also Miko was there and was unhappy abt their actions, and also their general existence.

Moving on. Villains!

Redcloak is the Sterling replacement, because that DEEPLY amuses me.

Xykon is a season-long main villain, probably one that Redcloak finds himself working for but then “teams up with” (read: blackmails) the Order to bring him down bc even Redcloak finds Xykon distasteful. That’s season 3, let’s say.

Tarquin is another season villain, say season 2. Nale probably shows up pretty early in s1, actually, as another recurring antagonist like Sterling but uh. Less good at it. Anyways the s2 final 3 eps deal with them (accidentally) discovering that Tarquin runs some Evil Empire Company, then trying to outplay him and take him down. Idk if Nale still dies in this version tbh.

Tsukiko is a one-off s1 villain who returns briefly in s4 alongside Miko, who has gone well and truly off the rails.

Season 1 finale has to do w Roy finally getting Vengeance for his little brother.

The vampire squad is the s4 finale villain who do smth terrible to Durkon and then get the Mother Of All Revenge served up to them by the Order.

I envision the show as being 5 seasons (like og Leverage) but I’m not going to sketch out s5 because I think it should be based off whatever happens in the current story arc, possibly involving some legacy of the OotSquiggle.

Other stuff!

The Order of the Squiggle is a legendary criminal team from the 60s who stole a BUNCH of famous shit & then proceeded to legendarily implode. This has no bearing on the plot I’ve sketched out, I just think it’s fun.

The Sapphire Guard members should probably be reworked as FBI. I don’t care about most of them but I do think that Lien and O-Chul could be like, FBI agents who Choose to look the other way while the Order does their very-much-not-legal-but-still-fair Justice Crime, and maybe even help them out on occasion.

So, the Final season-by-season outline, based on everything I’ve written so far:

s1 e1: getting the team together, doing a con for Shojo, then at the end he dies and the gang is like “dang what now?" and intend to split up except then they Don’t.

mid-s1: Nale shows up and tries to trick the Order, but then gets beat like a drum.

late s1: Tsukiko is an underling of the Villain Of The Week, winds up in police custody. But She’ll Be Back.

s1 finale: Roy’s Vengeance: The Vengeaning. also we meet Redcloak as an antagonist.

s2 e1: the truth abt Haley’s father comes out

early s2: The Two Live Crews Job but it’s the Order vs the Linear Guild and the Linear Guild ARE all bad guys.

mid-s2: Redcloak returns. ugh.

late s2: the sapphire guard FBI makes its first appearance, hello O-Chul and Lien.

s2 pre-finale: once again they’re in conflict w Nale over smth, he spends the whole episodes making Cryptic Remarks, they basically beat him (like a drum!) but then the stinger at the end is that Tarquin reveals himself and Elan is like “Dad?!”, roll credits.

s2 finale, part 1: Elan is hanging out w Tarquin bc he’s DEEP in Denial, the Rest of the team tries to take Tarquin down, but it doesn’t work.

s2 finale, part 2: Elan finally gets a clue and they manage to beat Tarquin. still haven’t decided if Nale dies or not, but I’m leaning towards yes. also they rescue Haley’s dad.

s3 e1: fuck dude idk.

early s3: Redcloak shows up, AGAIN, everyone groans. he has blackmail on them, he wants them to take Xykon down.

mid s3: The Rashomon Job but it’s about stealing the Talisman of Dorukan and it turns out that Nale was there too (“oh!” Elan says. “I was wondering why I looked so weird in all those mirrors! But it wasn’t my reflection, it was Nale’s!” “Sweetie, that wasn’t Nale’s reflection,” says Haley. “Huh,” says Elan, “so the mirrors were broken?”, cue eye rolling from everyone else.), and the Successful thief was Hilgya, who’d nabbed it from the owner before it even went on display.

s3 finale: they beat Xykon, actually factually, because he deserves to get his ass Thoroughly kicked, even if only in AU form. Lien and O-Chul are there, so are some other less helpful FBI people. There’s a bit where O-Chul Exact Wordses his way out of telling his superiors about the Order’s less legal activities without technically lying. King shit.

s4 e1: doesn’t really matter. maybe smth to do w some legacy of Tarquin’s company to set up the drama w Malack & Durkon later.

early s4: Durkon gets SENT TO PRISON. Malack approaches the Order abt this because sure they have Different Ethics but they’re still Friends. (Roy is surprised and a little hurt that he’s never heard of Malack, but he ignores that in favor of Let’s Get Whatever Fuckers Did This To Our Friend.)

immediately after that: Miko and Tsukiko return as a Team, preventing the Order from working on the Durkon situation

mid s4: Redcloak makes another unexpected & unwelcome appearance but he’s maybe a little less of a dick? the Order collaborates with Malack & his Crime Buddies (hello, Vector Legion) to pull one over on him tho, because “less of a dick” does not mean “a pleasant or decent person”, and also he was mean abt Durkon being in jail, so he totally deserved it. he still gets whatever he wanted tho, just takes a blow to his pride. also prevents the Order from helping Durkon. they’re having a LOT of setbacks wonder why that could be, not to make sure the season fills its whole length or anything, no sirree

s4 finale: something something taking down the organization, headed by Hel (yes that’s her real name), which framed Durkon for their Big Crime. Durkon goes free and Extra Firmly retires, For Good, He Swears, but says he “met someone new” who might be an asset.

s5 e1: minrah joins the team! and the episode is set in like, somewhere really snowy. that’s all i got.

the rest of s5: don’t know, don’t care, it’s open-ended until the comic finishes up.

#mine #ask #corvidcorgi #order of the stick #oots #leverage #leverage au #oots au #au #outline #haha this thing clocks in at 1.9k words because i am LITERALLY incapable of shutting up #hope u enjoy it bc i spent Way Too Much Mental Effort mapping out how the OotS plotlines might play out in a leverage setting #and then promptly ignored Most of that in favor of making it funnier & dumber & more villain-of-the-week #(bc lbr the comic is Good but it's got an overarching plot form that the Leverage story style does Not jive with)#i'm not tagging all these characters lol

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venmomejoy · 4 years

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The Lucky Ones- pt. 3

ugh writing is so hard sometimes why do i do it

hope you guys are liking the fic so far! feel free to drop any comments, i love hearing from you all :)

part one / part two / part four

read it on AO3 here !!

The studio was huge.

Neil expected it to be big, but this was incomprehensible. It would take him days to map this place out. It made Neil nervous; his mother always took care to keep them away from large buildings- there are too many places for someone to hide in a big space, too many nooks and crannies he might not know about where someone could lurk. Smaller places were far easier, where you could check the entire space for attackers in a matter of minutes, where no one can sneak up on you, or catch you by surprise. He tried to absorb as much of the layout as possible, retracing every turn they've taken until the building starts to take form in his head, vague and nondescript as it may be.

Neil couldn't figure out how to hold onto his bag without raising any more suspicion than he already had in the car, so when Dan showed him to his trailer, he took care to hide it in the safest place he could find. Given, that was the cupboard underneath the bathroom sink, so Neil didn't exactly feel secure in his location of choice. He made sure to lock the door on his way out, but the thin metal sticks in his bag reminded him that locks can easily be picked. He was reluctant to leave when Dan beckoned him on, deciding they had spent time enough on the trailer and that they needed to move on if they wanted to see the whole studio before midnight, but he relented before anyone could notice his hesitance. Throughout the whole tour, every set and editing room and lounge, Neil felt the faint thrum of anxiety never leaving his skin, even as he focused on all the new information he was receiving.

The tour took more than a few hours, Dan and Matt talking extensively on every area they stopped at. Seth and Allison hadn't acknowledged Neil much, besides the casual glares Seth threw at him, too wrapped up in each other. Renee had the occasional soft-spoken comment, but for the most part left the talking to Dan and Matt. Neil appreciated all of the tips, a mix of things he already knew and things he made sure to store for when they began filming, but the influx of information was a little overwhelming. Throughout it all, a thought kept pressing his way to the front of his mind- his mother would be so disappointed in him.

Not just disappointed. No, she would be livid. She dedicated her entire life to keeping him safe, and he had thrown it all away. In all their years on the run, she had always put his safety first, had always made the hard decisions to keep him protected. Even when she was fatally shot, she kept pushing for his sake, not even letting on how grave her injury was until they had gotten to safety. But by then, it was too late. And all of the promises he had made her as she took her last breaths, all of the promises he had made to himself as he threw a match in the old car and watched it burn into ashes, taking her body with it, were destroyed. She had given up her life to keep him safe, and he answered her sacrifice with disrespect, practically spurning the freedom she fought so hard to give him.

Neil could feel his throat closing in. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he panted, willing his hands to stop shaking. Neil quickly excused himself as he rushed to the restroom, but not before he saw the concerned faces of his castmates. He would have to deal with their prying questions later, but right now all he could think about was his mother, how she would hate him, how he couldn't breath-

Neil braced his knees on either side of the toilet as soon as the stall closed behind him, the restroom blissfully empty. His stomach heaved, but he couldn't throw up food he never ate, so Neil sat and heaved and gasped until his heart stopped racing, until his breathing became even again. He didn't have time to panic. Panic left you vulnerable, and wasted precious minutes. So he pulled himself up and rinsed his mouth out in the sink, even though no bile had come up, expertly avoiding his reflection in the mirror.

When he left the bathroom he walked straight into his castmates, almost bumping directly into Matt's chest. It looked as if he had interrupted their deliberation session on whether to come in and check on him. He's glad they didn't. He doesn't need his new coworkers to see him like that after knowing him for one day. Neil pulls on his calm and collected face, though he's sure the remnants of his breakdown are still visible. Let them come to their own conclusion about what went on in there.

"Neil, are you okay, man?" Matt asked, the concern on his face mirrored by all the others, excluding Seth. But it wasn't just concern- there was pity there too. Neil didn't know how much Wymack had shared with them of the little he knew himself, but if his backstory was set in context to this, he was making a sorry first impression.

"I'm fine. Sorry for stopping up the tour." Whether they believe him or not, he can't tell, but his hard face leaves no room for inquiry.

"Don't apologize, Neil," Renee says. Neil's stomach turns at her saccharine tone.

"This was the last stop anyways. We can head home now, if you're ready," Dan notes, a look of understanding on her face. He almost laughs. There's no possible way she could understand.

"Sure, I just need to get my stuff from my trailer."

The group goes back the way they came, with significantly less talking this time, and the others wait patiently while Neil retrieves his bag, his trailer mercifully untouched.

The trip to the parking lot was filled with excited chatter, his castmates telling him about how excited they were for their character's plot this season, which couples they thought would make it to the end of the season and which would hit the chopping block, old scandals amongst the crew. Neil tried to contribute when he could, but the conversation seemed to go largely over his head, so he was content just to listen.

Matt addressed him after a while. "So, Neil, you've met the Monsters?" When Neil tilted his head in confusion at the name, he clarified. "Andrew, Nicky, Kevin, and Aaron. We call their group the Monsters, because those four are tyrants."

"Oh." After years of running from people who want him dead, Neil thought he had a pretty good radar for people that are threatening. He could understand the name for the twins, but Nicky didn't seem the aggressive type at all, and Kevin while seemed like a hardass, but he would probably roll over at the first sign of real conflict. "Yeah, I talked to them a little. Kevin and Andrew came with Wymack to pick me up, and I spoke with Nicky and Aaron for a few minutes right before I met you guys."

It was Allison who spoke up this time, the first real thing she'd said to Neil all day. "What a way to start your first job. You're scrappy-looking, but I'm still surprised that group didn't run you straight out the door."

Matt was inclined to agree. "Yeah, if I'd met Andrew on my first day, I never would have started acting. I have a good amount of experience and he still makes me question my career choice every day."

"Kevin, too," Dan says. "He's not as outwardly aggressive as Andrew, but with how hard he pushes us? I don't think I would have lasted a day if it was my first."

Renee glanced back over at him. "They're not that bad, Neil, don't let them scare you."

He was tempted to ask her if he looked scared to her. Andrew didn't frighten him, definitely not as much as he probably should. He knew Andrew's medication made him a little crazy, if not borderline psychotic. Andrew's medication was court-mandated, a sentence that, coupled with extensive therapy, allowed him to avoid jail time after he had almost beat four men to death when he caught them attacking Nicky. Neil knew Andrew probably had no qualms about hurting him, but he had far larger threats to worry about, and he had always had a hard time reconciling threat level with age. Even if he knew a younger man was dangerous, he didn't feel very frightened because he had been so conditioned to fear older men, like his father. In the same way, even obviously harmless middle-aged men put Neil's every muscle on edge.

They reconvened with Andrew's group as they made their way to the row of cars. "So, what did you think of our humble abode?" Nicky asks.

"It's huge."

"Yeah, it's easy to get lost in there for the first couple of weeks, but eventually you'll know this place like the back of your hand. We spend too much time here not to."

Neil looks back over at the building, wondering how long it would take for him to feel comfortable here. He was inclined to believe he never would. Glancing back, Neil catches Andrew's heavy gaze. Gone was the sarcastic humor and thinly veiled contempt, replaced with... nothing. Andrew wasn't glaring at Neil, but the look definitely wasn't friendly; he was just staring. Andrew's face was empty, void of any emotion at all. He must be coming down.

Without a word, Andrew turns and pulls himself into the driver's seat of an expensive black car. Turning towards the group, Neil asks, "Are we going to the cast house?"

"Yeah, it's only about a ten minute drive from here. Perfect for when your dead-tired leaving set at 4 am." Matt says. "You came with Wymack?"

"Yeah. Does he stay there too?"

They all chuckle a little. "God, no," Matt says. "He'd kill us if he had to spend that much time with us. He has his own place, but it's pretty close by."

"Oh, okay." That lifted a weight off of Neil's shoulders. He would never be able to relax if he was under the same roof as Wymack.

A honk draws their attention back to Andrew, the rest of the monsters going to join him in the car. When Neil just looks at Andrew through the windshield, he cocks an eyebrow at him silent demand. Neil knew better than to protest. "I guess I'll see you guys in a few?"

Matt and Dan both sent him disapproving looks. "Are you sure? There's space in Matt's truck," Dan says, sending a searching look towards the Andrew's car, as if she were trying to figure out why they were interested in Neil. He wouldn't mind knowing himself.

"I already told them I'd go with them. It'll be fine."

Matt shrugged. "Whatever you say, man. But that group is psycho. If they go too far, just let me know. I have no problem with kicking Kevin's ass if you need me to." He smiles warmly at him.

Neil shoots him a puzzled stare. Matt just met him, why would he be offering to stand up for him? He has no attachment to Neil. "I'll be fine. I can take care of myself."

Matt looks unconvinced. "Okay, well, the offer still stands as long as you're here, alright?"

"Okay." Neil inclines his head at the two before stalking over to Andrew's car, sliding into the backseat next to Aaron and Nicky. Andrew peels out of the lot before Neil can even buckle his seatbelt.

Kevin and Nicky fill the short car ride with idle conversation, asking Neil about what he saw in the tour and what he thought of the sets. Nicky shares all kinds of stories from when they shot the earlier seasons when Kevin begins speaking in rapid French to someone over the phone. Neil was competent in French, but not fluent, and Kevin was speaking too fast for Neil to understand anything, so he focused on what Nicky was saying instead. Neil didn't mind Nicky dominating the conversation; he didn't have much to say anyway, and he was feeling tired after spending so many hours wandering around the studio

As Andrew swung the car into the driveway, Neil admired the house from the his window. It was huge, at least three stories, with sweeping windows and a spacious lawn; the porch alone was the size of some of Neil's old homes. The blend of brick and stone made the house feel classy and elegant. Neil's gawking was cut off as Andrew drove into the garage. Nicky practically pulled him out of the car, insisting on giving him a tour of the place. The door from the garage opens into a small hallway, with a break that leads to a laundry room before opening up into the kitchen. Kevin and Aaron follow them, but Andrew disappeared somewhere along the way. "Where did Andrew go?"

"He went to dose up," Kevin answers. "If he didn't take his medication soon, he'd be bent over a toilet somewhere."

"He'll be up in the clouds when he comes back," Nicky says, a little sadly. "That's the cycle: mania and apathy."

Neil didn't know what to say, so he turned back towards the kitchen, running his fingers along the marble countertops. Nicky's phone pinged, and he glanced at it before addressing them. "Matt says their going to pick up dinner. Chinese okay with you, Neil?"

He nods, and Nicky quickly types his response before pulling a smile on again, resuming Neil's tour. The inside of the house was as luxurious as the outside, fit with plush carpet and expensive-looking paintings. The lower level seems to have an open floor plan, the living and dining rooms visible from the kitchen. A large flatscreen TV sat across from a red couch that could easily seat five people. Two armchairs bracketed the couch, a plethora of throw pillows adorning all three. The extravagance made Neil uneasy; this much money just poured into fanciful items... he couldn't fathom it. There had never been time for him to buy anything for himself. They had limited resources, his mother always reminded him. They could not afford to buy things they didn't absolutely need.

"There are two bedrooms on the bottom floor. This one's Kevin's," Nicky said, pointing between two closed doors, "and the other is shared by Renee and Allison."

"Allison doesn't stay with Seth?"

"It's like Matt said earlier, those two are really on-again, off-again. When they fight, they can't even stand to look at each other, let alone sleep next to each other. They argue so often we thought it'd be easiest to just give them separate rooms, so Allison stays with Renee when she's on the rocks with Seth, and when they're doing well, she stays with him."

Neil's head already hurt trying to understand their dynamic. "Sounds complicated."

"Just wait until you see it for yourself. Their screaming matches are legendary." Nicky chuckles.

The four of them go up the first flight of stairs, which opens into a large sitting room, two twin hallways branching from it. Down one is Nicky and Aaron's shared room, and down the other is Seth's, as well as Dan and Matt's room. Fans of The Foxes loved Dan and Matt's relationship. The two met on set during season one, Matt playing Dan's love interest, and their romance quickly evolved off-screen.

"We tried to put the two couples as far away from the rest of us as possible," Nicky informs him.

"Not far enough," Aaron grumbles. "I don't know how it's possible for Allison and Seth to be that fucking loud."

"Oh, come on, Aaron, no tolerance for young love? I'm sure Neil knows how to make a girl scream," Nicky jokes, nudging Neil's shoulder.

Neil froze. "What?" There's no way they know who his father is, now way they meant it like that-

"Unless you swing, like me, which is totally cool. Makes my job easier, anyhow." Nicky winks at him.

Aaron groans. "Jesus, Nicky, can you not be a fucking creep for one second?"

"Hey, I didn't do anything! I'm just saying that if Neil was interested-"

"He just got here, and you have a boyfriend."

"You know Erik doesn't mind-"

This conversation was giving Neil a headache. "I don't swing."

"Damnit, you like girls?"

"I don't like anything. Can we keep moving?"

They grudgingly obliged. The layout of the third floor was pretty similar to that of the second, a large lounge opening into two hallways. One held Andrew's room, the other his. Nicky led him down Andrew's hallway, showing him to space, the door firmly closed. But as they turned to move towards his room, the door swung open, a doped-up Andrew standing on the threshold.

"Oh, joy, my favorite people coming to pay me a visit! Sorry, but I'm not in the mood. Do stop by another time!" Andrew grins.

"Sorry, Andrew, I was just showing Neil around. We're heading to his room next."

"Lucky for you, I know exactly where that is! If I cared more, perhaps I'd take you there. Unfortunately, I don't." Andrew threw his head back in laughter, pushing past them as he bounds downstairs. One look at the others' face and Neil can tell this behavior is commonplace.

Neil follows Nicky into the opposite hallway, Kevin keeping pace with them while Aaron hangs behind. Kevin had been abnormally quiet during this tour; Neil felt like he was gauging his reaction to everything, trying to feel him out. He refused to balk under his scrutiny.

Nicky paused dramatically with his hand on the doorknob, as if bracing them all for a great reveal, which was just a bedroom. Admittedly, it was easily the nicest bedroom he'd ever laid eyes on, but he imagined the others were used to the luxury by now.

Neil's eyes widened as he took in the huge space, the deep wood of the four-poster bed, the dresser that was far too large for the eight outfits he owned. A door opened to an en suite bathroom with a walk-in shower. It was the nicest place Neil had stayed in his entire life.

"It's good that you are the only addition to the main cast this season, since this was the last free bedroom we have. If there were any others, they'd have to stay in the pool house." Nicky joked. A quick peek from his window confirmed that, yes, there was a pool, clear blue water glinting in the setting sun. It was large, surrounded by lounge chairs and what looked to be a volleyball pit off the side.

"How do you guys afford this place?" He had been concerned about wasting his resources on housing before, but this was worse than he imagined. The house had to be millions of dollars, especially considering Los Angeles's real estate prices. He could not afford to spend this much money, since he still had a lifetime on the run to finance after his stay here.

Kevin finally spoke up. "You'd be surprised how large a salary is for a core actor on a show this popular."

"How much do we all pay for rent?"

"None," Nicky laughed. "Allison is practically an heiress. She has so much money it's stupid. She bought the house back when we first started the show, and she pays for the whole place."

Neil tilted his head, his eyebrows furrowing. "Why would she do that?"

"Because she has money to blow, so why not?" Nicky's smile faded a little as he took in Neil’s expression.

Kevin interrupted their conversation. "Dan and the others should be back soon. Let's head to the living room to wait for them."

They found Andrew on the couch, mindlessly surfing through channels, his focus anywhere but on the TV. When he saw them approaching, he tossed the remote unceremoniously onto the cushion next to him. "Back so soon?" Andrew gibes. "There's nothing good to watch, but it seems the universe has answered my plea for entertainment! Neil, tell me some of your deep, dark secrets."

Neil was tired of Andrew's taunting. "Leave me alone, Andrew."

"Oh, come on, Neil, don't be such a downer! Tell me, which one of your parents hits you, your mom or your dad?

"Christ, Andrew," Nicky groans.

"Could be both, I suppose," Andrew surmised. Neil simply fixed him with a glare, but Andrew was unfazed. "Your old director mentioned that you liked to wait until everyone left the theater to change out of your costume, said that a lot of times he gave you the keys and let you lock up. He thought you might be sleeping there. I'll admit, the duffel bag does add to his case, but why would you need to hide your body unless someone was hurting you? And I saw you leave that night, so you obviously had somewhere to go. So who is it?”

Neil gritted his teeth. He didn't need Andrew paying this much attention to him. "Stop trying to solve me."

"You can try to keep your secrets, Neil, but I'll figure you out soon."

"I'm not a toy."

"Oh, but you are," he smiled. "I've been needing something new to amuse myself with, though I doubt you'll last long."

"I mean it, Andrew. Don't mess with me."

"Ooh, the scary face!" Andrew laughs. "Yours gives Kevin a run for his money."

The doorbell saves Neil from answering. "I'll get it," he grumbles, eyes still boring into Andrew's. He strides towards the doorway to let the others in, a few of them presumably bringing the food in while Matt parks, but the cousins start talking before Neil is out of earshot, making every bone in his body seize. It isn't the words that alarm him; no, it's the language. Because Nicky was currently speaking in German.

Neil didn't know how they could know he spoke German. His mother had taken them across the world in an effort to confuse his father enough to lose their trail. Neil spent years living in German-speaking countries, namely Switzerland, Austria, and Germany itself, and as such, became fluent in German. Neil felt frozen to the spot, his every instinct telling him to get out of there, that they know,but as he listens to what Nicky is saying, it becomes apparent that they are not addressing him at all.

"What did you and Kevin say to him before he got here? When I showed him his room there was pure panic on his face. I thought he was going to make a run for it."

Andrew only shrugged. Aaron spoke instead. "Yeah, did you see his face when he finished touring the studio? He was practically green," he scoffed. "He's not going to last a week here."

They had no idea he understood them. Neil loosed a breath of relief, resuming his journey to the door. The whole encounter hadn't lasted more than thirty seconds, but it felt like thirty years to Neil. The adrenaline was still pumping through his veins. If they didn't know he understood German, he wasn't going to tell them. He needed every advantage he could find, and if they thought they could have private conversations right under everyone's noses, Neil would play along.

He swung the door open, ushering Dan and Seth in, their arms full of bags of food. Everyone made their way into the kitchen as they dumped the food down on the table, Matt hanging the keys on a small hook as they came in from the garage.

After a few moments of everyone shoving food in their mouths, Kevin addressed the group. "Neil needs to familiarize himself with the previous seasons, so starting tonight, we are all going to rewatch the past episodes together. We need to finish all of the episodes before the table read, so we're going to have to start right away,"

The proposition is met with a series of groans from the cast. They probably all have better ways to spend their limited free time before the rigorous filming schedule overtakes their lives. "You guys don't have to watch it with me, I'll be fine on my own," Neil says.

"No, we all need to review the past plot anyways," Kevin says. "You should always review what has already occurred before you start a new season to ensure you are as prepared as you can be. Not only is it possible you have forgotten little details or nuances of the characters, but being explicitly reminded of your characters' backstory, personality, and motives helps you slip back into your role after so many months. So we're all watching the show, from the beginning."

Seth shot Neil a glare, muttering something that sounded like "fucking rookies."

When all the plates had been cleared, the group settled themselves in the living room. Dan and her group settled onto the couch together, while Andrew claimed one armchair, Neil the other. Aaron and Nicky sat on the floor, their backs pressed against the coffee table. As they dimmed the lights and started up the TV, Neil found himself completely engrossed in the show. He had always loved television, had always been able to completely lose himself as he watched these characters' lives unfold. Three episodes flew by, and Neil almost wanted to protest as Kevin shut the TV off, telling them all to get some sleep. They had to be up at the studio by 10 for their session with Abby, and it was already 1 am.

Neil felt too roused to sleep, excitement from watching the show and anxiety for his meeting with Abby tomorrow keeping him alert, so he decides to go for a quick run. Slipping into his running clothes, Neil stashed his bag in the dresser and takes off down the stairs, pushing the front door open and going on his way. Neil takes this time to familiarize himself with the neighborhood, although the darkness makes it hard to discern the details. All of the houses in this neighborhood are enormous, with neatly trimmed grass and tall columns on their porches. Neil makes his way around a few blocks before turning back the way he came. He's barely sweating when he reaches the house, so he opts out of a shower, ready to collapse on his bed from fatigue. Neil had barely slept last night, and had been walking almost all day.

But when he pulled out his duffel bag to change into some sleep clothes, he stopped cold. To an untrained eye, it might have looked like nothing was amiss. But Neil knew better. Neil always folded the tags on his clothes, and as he inspected them now, every single one was flat.

Someone had been through his things.

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scribeofred · 3 years

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I'm sending this from a phone so I hope it wORKS ANYWAY: 1, 7, 8, 15 for the Fic Writer Asks <3

1. What's something you’ve written that you know is OOC and you just don't care?

I actually had to look through my AO3 to refresh my poor brain on what I’ve written. In general, I try to cling pretty close to canon in terms of how characters interact, but I’d say taken at face value, Virgil in orbit decay seems wildly OOC. There’s a reason for that, obviously, but yeah, he’s super disengaged and doesn’t care about his family, and that’s just not very Virgil at all, poor boy.

7. Something you hate to see in dialogue.

NAME OVERUSE. I am legit editing a novel right now with rabid name overuse, and it’s so awkward and silted and fake and ugh I just hate it. Names are fine! Just not legitimately every other line of dialogue. Or every third line. Or every fourth line. Or—ugh. Yeah. It’s awful. Please trim name usage to the minimum.

8. Something you love to see in dialogue.

My opinions on dialogue have... not “changed a lot over the last couple years,” but I feel like I’m finally starting to maybe nail down what separates bad dialogue from okay from good from great from incredible. There’s a lot to it, but one of the things I’ve noticed in a lot of incredible dialogue is the inclusion of abrupt changes in topic. Real speakers rarely speak in a linear way re: topics, and including these sharp turns adds a heightened level of realism and can really establish a character’s voice. I need to figure out how to use this style more often.

15. We all project onto our characters. Where has your personality or life choices leaked onto the page the most?

I have two answers to this question, framed slightly different ways. In terms of actual projection onto characters, I definitely avoid conflict and unnecessary talky-talk irl, and I write a lot less dialogue now than I did when I first started writing a solid many years ago. That said, I write more dialogue now than I did a year ago, so! Growth?

From a life-choices perspective, my career as an editor has made me write in a way I have slowly come to realize is filled with nuance that possibly only another technical editor will truly be able to appreciate. The addition or deletion of individual punctuation marks, what punctuation marks are chosen, tiny little details like that—I consistently write with those in mind, and I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few weeks wondering exactly how much nuance gets lost on the average reader. Or if any is lost! Maybe it isn’t actually lost—maybe it’s something readers can intuitively pick up via other context clues, idk. It’d be interesting to know for sure, but that would involve a long and detailed study and a butt-ton of feedback, and I’m just not up for that right now hahaha. But yeah, I’m an editor who writes with other editors in mind, and that absolutely influences my thinking to a degree, if not necessarily most of my choices.

ask me about my fic and writing process!

#halorocks1214 #ask meme #red replies

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thekoshertribble · 6 years

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“Flattery will get you anywhere.” Women of Star Trek blog entry #11 “Court Martial” Areel Shaw

Hello, readers! Happy Thanksgiving! If you need a break from your relatives, head to the nearest closet and get your phone out because I’ve got another blog entry just for you!

Today we’ll be covering another great episode from season 1: Court Martial. The court drama episode, in which Kirk is (falsely) accused of murdering a disgruntled officer.

When people come to me saying, “ugh, you like the Original Series? It’s so sexist, how can you watch it?” I simply counter by pointing out a character like Areel Shaw, saying, “remember historical context.” Then they shut up.

How many lawyers, in 1967, were women? I’m not going to google it, because I know that number was pretty damn low. That’s why it’s so cool seeing TOS showing a woman as a lawyer. We might take it for granted now, but back then it must have been remarkable.

We first see Areel in the bar/officers lounge of the starbase. She’s wearing some psychedelic dress and walking into the bar just as Kirk is leaving. He doesn’t see her, but she looks in his direction as though she’s trying to identify him. McCoy sees this and approaches her.

MCCOY: If you have any doubt, that was indeed Captain James Kirk of the Enterprise.

SHAW: Yes, I know. Are you a friend of his?

MCCOY: In these trying times, one of the few. Doctor Leonard McCoy. And you?

SHAW: Areel Shaw. And I'm a friend, too. An old one.

So we are led to believe from this short interaction that Areel is yet another former love interest of Kirk’s. Nothing particularly interesting there. Moving on to the next scene, again in the lounge, Kirk meets up with Areel (who is wearing the same crazy dress) and they have some drinks. Kirk is clearly happy to see her, having a casual, confident attitude despite everything that’s happening. Here is their conversation, with my commentary :

KIRK: Areel. Doctor McCoy said you were here. I should have felt it in the air, like static electricity.

SHAW: Flattery will get you everywhere.

KIRK; It's been, how long has it been?

SHAW: Four years, seven months, and an odd number of days. Not that I'm counting.

So clearly these two used to be a thing. From their behavior we can infer that they hold no hard feelings since parting ways, but we get no further details. My guess is they were both Starfleet officers stationed together somewhere or on a certain ship, but their respective career ambitions drove them in different directions, and so they left on those terms. They look back on their time together with fondness, not pain or awkwardness. Let’s continue:

KIRK: You look marvellous. You haven't changed a bit.

SHAW: But things have changed for you, haven't they?

KIRK: Oh, you've heard about that, have you?

SHAW: I'm a lawyer in the Judge Advocate's office, remember?

KIRK: I remember. Let's forget it. We have a lot of lost time to make up for.

SHAW: You're taking it very lightly.

KIRK: The confidence of an innocent man.

So we learn for the first time who Areel is: a Starfleet lawyer. (She is the only one we encounter in TOS, making her unique). She is very aware of the hot water Kirk is in right now and is deeply concerned. Kirk tries to wave it off but she presses:

SHAW: Jim, this could ruin you. Will you take some advice?

KIRK: I never could talk you into anything. All right. Fire away.

SHAW: The prosecution will build its case on the basis of Kirk versus the computer. Now if your attorney tries to defend on that basis, you won't have a chance.

KIRK: What other choice is there?

SHAW: That's up to your attorney, and that's why he's got to be a good one.

KIRK: You, perhaps?

SHAW: No, I'm busy.

KIRK: Well, a girl with your ability should be able to handle two cases at once.

SHAW: Jim, be serious. You're not an ordinary human. You're a Starship Captain, and you've stepped into scandal. If there's any way they can do it, they'll slap you down hard and permanently for the good of the service.

I love how Kirk immediately asks her to be his defensive attorney, and is confident she can manage several cases simultaneously, like a lawyer boss. But she turns down the offer anyway, recommending a Mr. Cogley instead. After this she becomes more awkward, and turns to go as if she forgot the stove was on in her apartment, but Kirk stops her:

SHAW:. Jim, I've got to go.

KIRK: Areel, you still haven't told me how you know so much about what the prosecution's going to do.

SHAW: Because, Jim Kirk, my dear old love, I am the prosecution, and I have to do my very best to have you slapped down hard. Broken out of the service, in disgrace.

She starts to cry, and leaves quickly while Kirk just stares into space in disappointment and surprise.

Now, I don’t know much about law (I’m a blogger, not a lawyer) but I think there’s this thing called conflict of interest. I really don’t get why Areel was assigned to this case. Unless she was the only lawyer that Starfleet’s prosecution had available, wouldn’t they know that she would have some conflict? I mean, the court judges ask Kirk if he consents to her as the prosecution during the trial, and he agrees, for some reason, but they don’t seem to ask the same question of her. Additionally, Areel tells Kirk about the prosecution’s argument against him. Isn’t he not supposed to know that? I suppose you could be sneaky and point out that she tells him about the prosecution’s strategy before telling him that it’s actually hers, but still, she did tell him, and gave him the best lawyer she knew to defend him. It just seems really weird to me.

Anyway, despite this, Areel lives up to her statement. She does appear to do her “very best” to argue that Kirk is guilty. She acts very professionally, to the point that if we didn’t have the previous scenes telling us that she and Kirk were once romantically involved, we would have no clue they had some previous connection. We know how hard this is for her, though, what she’s feeling under that tough mask. Her emotional strength is admirable.

The only time during the trial we see the slightest crack is right before she requests the Ship’s record playback, the damning price of evidence against Kirk. She looks to him for a brief moment, with a face that seems to say, “I am so sorry.” And then it’s gone, and the prosecutor brings forward the nail in the coffin.

Luckily, through more investigation the truth is revealed that Kirk was framed and no one actually died. Areel happily states that she has no further objections and the court martial ends.

With the trial over and the ship repaired, the Enterprise is ready to depart onto its next mission. Areel visits the bridge one more time in the last scene of the episode.

SHAW: How long will it be this time before I see you again?

KIRK: At the risk of sounding like a mystic, that depends on the stars.

SHAW: Sam Cogley asked me to give you something special. It's not a first edition, just a book. Sam says that makes it special.

(And thus began Kirk’s fascination with old books - my personal HC)

SHAW: Do you think it would cause a complete breakdown of discipline if a lowly lieutenant kissed a Starship Captain on the bridge of his ship?

KIRK: Let's try. (a gentle but lingering kiss) See? No change. Discipline goes on.

SHAW: And so must the Enterprise. Goodbye, Jim.

KIRK: Goodbye, Areel. Better luck next time.

SHAW: I had pretty good luck this time. I lost, didn't l?

(She leaves, blowing him a final kiss.)

So what do we take away from all this?

Areel Shaw, like Kirk, is ambitious, hard-working, determined, and dedicated to her career. As this trial indicated, she is able to maintain her cool even under the most strenuous conditions (i.e. acting as prosecutor when the defendant is her ex), and she’s tough as nails in the courtroom. Although her choice of fashion is a tad bit questionable, she’s quite the lady!

Well, that’s all I have for you today. I hope you enjoyed it!

Stay tuned for my next entry: Space Seed!

#star trek women #women of star trek #star trek #star trek tos #star trek quotes #areel shaw #court martial #kirk #captain kirk #james kirk #mr spock #james t. kirk #spock #dr mccoy #starbase #starfleet

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girlwithptsd · 5 years

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The Valentine’s Day fun is starting early this year.

And by “fun” I mean “shit.”

For most of my life, Valentine’s Day has been a generally sucky day. Idk why that’s how the universe pans out for me, but that’s what it is. It has become even suckier since February 13th is the day L kicked me out of living with her and then on Valentine’s day she was like, “See? You had a good day!” even though I was obviously miserable about what had transpired the night before.

Today started like a normal day, a caregiving shift. It was short, but I liked it because the guy is very nice. I’m just super quite and didn’t know what to say to start up conversation, but that has been the norm ever since I picked up like 5 shifts a week with him over a week ago. Today I got a phone call saying I’m being taken off those shifts because of a personality conflict. Like, I get that I can be boring, but... do you really expect me to make conversation for 3-6 hours 5 days a week with someone who just watches TV all day? I tried. And we would make jokes, so I thought everything was fine. I know I can’t be a fit with everyone, but, well I’m about to sound lazy, this client was easy. He is independent except for food preparation. That’s it. We just have to listen when he goes to the bathroom to make sure he’s okay and keep an eye on him when he walks. I have never worked with someone so independent before. And his mind is sharp! I liked him. I guess this is throwing me off so much because it is such a surprise. I thought things were going fine. Like, how do I fuck up such an easy client?

I’m trying to remind myself that not everyone likes everyone and that includes me, no matter how nice and anticipatory of needs I am.

It also sucks because that’s a lot of money gone. Yes, they’re going to try to find me more clients, but I’m sick of this dance. Client moves, client doesn’t like me, client passes, client’s schedule changes, my schedule changes, I don’t like the client, I get a second job and then back to one. I need a consistent job. I like my job, I do, but I need consistency. It’s why I’m flailing financially right now.

I just spent two hours going through every home health care agency in the area online to see if anyone needed office personnel. Only one did, and they made me put in all my information twice in two applications. So that was dumb. But anyway, I can hope. I still haven’t heard back from the place I interview with last week. I’m trying to maintain hope there. I sent them a thank you email so I would stand out from the others, hopefully in a good way.

I feel frustrated because that was only one job application and I feel ready to be done doing them for the day. Granted, I did spend a lot of time searching for that job.

I’ll have plenty of time tomorrow to do job applications.

Oh, AND I got $50 less than I expected on my tax refund, so I can’t pay my landlord all of my rent... again. I have a few days to figure out what to do about that too.

I’m trying not to move back to New Hampshire. I am fighting it.

I have a grocery delivery application to finish, which isn’t a career, but could help when the caregiving hours slip.

I am also going to go to metaphysical stores in the area this weekend (there are 4) and see if they are looking for anyone to work there because I love metaphysical stuff and I have 7 years store experience.

I still have to look into temp agencies, the workforce center, and possibly government assistance for housing.

So there are options, but time is running out.

Though without those shifts, I do have more time to look into everything.

Ugh. *sigh* Sadface.

#depression #mdd #ptsd #rant #personal

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thesmutshewrote · 6 years

Text

A Man Who Can Do Both - Pt 1

Warning: This fanfic contains smut in some parts

Pairing: Reader x Kihyun

Genre: fluff, smut, college!au, mature language, mild angst

Word Count: 1.5k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Summary: Your best friend Kihyun is known for his cotton candy pink hair and being a good boy. He always does his homework and obeys all the rules. After you both graduate from high school, you’re both anticipating going to the same college. You know that Kihyun wanted a fresh start and a new look, but you weren’t prepared for this kind of change. College will definitely be interesting with this new side of Kihyun, a change that will effect your friendship forever.

You were excited to finally graduate from high school and move on to better things for your career. You graduated as a talented art student well known for your charcoal pieces. In the art wing was where you met your best friend, Yoo Kihyun, a photographer. The school knows you two as art freaks, but he’s more reserved and quiet than you are, so they think. Only you can hear his witty sarcasm and playful remarks. He thinks he has a reputation to uphold as the cotton candy haired good boy with incredible grades, which he does. We both were quite good in school, which is how we got into the same university. You like to be more mischievous than he does. You go out to parties and come home slightly too drunk, but your parents don’t care as long as your grades are high and you don’t end up pregnant. You’ve drunk called Kihyun multiple times and he’s taken care of you so you don’t meet your parents at the door totally wasted. He’s a good friend. Sometimes you feel bad for the hell you put him through on weekends, but you know he can handle it. He’ll make fun of you the next morning anyway. It’s a give and take sort of relationship.

“Y/N, how many times do I have to take your ass home like this. You’re a total mess! How am I supposed to clean you up?”, Kihyun complains as he walks you out of a house which wreaked of alcohol and sweat.

“Oh my God, you’re so funny, Nancy. I can’t believe you said that to him”, you replied without realizing you were already separated from your best friend.

Kihyun walks you to his car and puts you in the passenger seat carefully before getting in the drivers seat. He starts to put on his seat belt until he realizes that you’re too drunk to put yours on. He sighs and reaches over you to get the seat belt. Without realizing he was so close, you turn your head to see if Kihyun was in the car yet. Your noses slightly touch and you look into his eyes. Kihyun freezes in shock from being so close to you.

“Y/N, what are you doing?” Kihyun asks without moving.

“Kihyun, hi”, you giggle. “When did you get here.. and why are you so close?”

He sighs and moves past you to get your seat belt. You lay back in the seat and look at the roof of the car as he buckles you in.

“You know, I really wish you had a window on your roof. I can’t see anything like this and it’s no fun. Sometimes you’re no fun, Kihyun. Why can’t you come to parties with me?” You pout and wait for an answer, but he doesn’t reply. “It was so much fun tonight.”

“It’s called a sunroof, Y/N.” Kihyun mumbles, “but you wouldn’t know that because you were too busy getting drunk and dancing with Minhyuk. You probably don’t even know that either. Psh..”

“Oh, I don’t feel so good,” you whine, gripping your stomach.

“I swear, if you ruin my car..” and before he could finish his sentence, your vomit was between your legs on the floor of his car.

Kihyun drives to the nearest gas station and tries to clean up his car as much as he can. You try to wipe it all off your pants, but it was no use in a drunken state like this.

“Ugh, I hate pants!” You whine as you pull your shorts off and throw them on the ground.

“No, no, no, n- ugh, Y/N, what am I going to do with you?” Kihyun tries to look away from you as he finishes cleaning up the car, but finds his eyes wandering.

“Kihyun, she’s your best friend,” he whispers to himself, “you can’t do this.” He cleans up the car as quickly as possible and starts driving back to his house to get you cleaned up and wash your pants.

The two of you arrive at Kihyun’s house and he helps you out of the car. Avoiding eye contact with your lace panties, he ties his sweatshirt around your waist and you walk inside. He takes you to his room, where you had been many times before to hang out and work on art projects together, and gently sits you on the bed. He brings you a cool glass of water and puts your shorts in the washer.

“Y/N, we have to get you cleaned up now. You wreak and I’m not going to let you stink up my bedroom. Now, can you walk with me to the bathroom?”

“I’m feeling better now,” you say after drinking some of the water. “I think I’m okay.” You stand up to walk, but your legs are still weak.

Kihyun holds you up and helps you to the bathroom. He sits you on the ledge of the bath tub and swings your feet over. He brings you a wash cloth and some soap to clean off your legs, but before he can leave, you grab his wrist.

“Um, thanks for all this, but do you have any pants I can put on since I don’t have any? Maybe some sweatpants, or even boxers. Just something.”

He looks down and realizes the sweatshirt had fallen off. “Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking, I just- I’ll go find pants.” He quickly averts his eyes and walks to his bedroom. He looks through his drawers for something suitable and finds a pair of sweatpants you complimented before.

Meanwhile, you wash your legs and dry them just in time for Kihyun to come back with something to wear. He cracks open the door and hands them to you. You smile because you remember how cute he looked in these. You put them on and stumble back to his bedroom.

“Thanks, Kihyun. Did you remember I liked these? Well they’re mine now.” You lay on the bed and close your eyes.

“Yes, I remember. You can’t have them though, okay? I like those sweatpants too! They really suit me, don’t they?” He turns around and looks at you, noticing that you had fallen asleep. “Ugh, she owes me.”

You thought back to all the moments that you and Kihyun had spent together during your senior year. It was usually you getting into trouble and him saving you. He saved you from your parents, from bad friends, from bad boyfriends. Kihyun was there through it all. You were excited to go to college with him. The season was approaching and you were happy. Kihyun went on a trip with his family for the whole summer so it was time for a reunion.

You texted Kihyun a few days before classes would start and asked when you could see him. He described his plans which conflicted with yours, so it looked like you would see him again during an art history class you both had to take.

You spent a little time trying to catch up so you could actually pay attention to the class instead of trying to talk. He talked about how much fun his trip was and how beautiful the country was. He also mentioned that he had a surprise for you. You were excited, but nervous. Kihyun wasn’t the type to surprise you, so the day of your first class couldn’t come soon enough.

Finally, today was the day. Only a few days had passed since your conversation with Kihyun, but you miss him so much that it feels like hell to wait this long. The summer was so boring without him and your drunken evenings were much messier. You walk down the hallway towards your art history class and hear a lot of voices from one room. You walked in and there were groups of people talking in different corners of the room waiting for the class to start. You scanned the room for your pink haired friend, but saw no one. You hear a familiar voice call your name and approach you from behind. You turn around and there stands a man with dark brown hair, shaved on the sides, but long in the front and messily styled back in a way that was irresistibly charming. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a black button down shirt.

You stood there mesmerized. He looked like Kihyun, but he surely wasn’t the Kihyun that you had always known. But then you remembered, Kihyun said that he had a surprise. It couldn’t be this. This isn’t Kihyun, is it?

“Aren’t you going to at least say hello?” He rolled up his sleeves to his elbows as he talked. You looked him up and down until your eyes finally landed on his. He smirked at you in a devilish way that riled something up inside you. Something you had never felt before. Something you couldn’t control.

“Kihyun?!”

#kihyun smut #kihyun #monsta x #monsta x smut #kpop smut #monsta x fan fiction #kihyun fanfic #kihyun fan fiction #monsta x fanfic #kihyun fluff #monsta x fluff #college!au kihyun #amwcdb #yourkpopgf

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forever-rogue · 7 years

Text

Words and Paper - Part IV

Summary: Y/N is a brilliant young lawyer who was hired by Tony Stark himself. She didn’t expect half of the things that would happened, but she was sure glad Bucky happened.

A/N: Thanks for all your continued support! I hope you enjoy! Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in this!

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: None

MASTERLIST

Y/N had been eager to get started working since her big move to New York. Now that the day was finally upon her, she wasn’t feeling so sure. Her nerves were getting the better of her, and she was suddenly rethinking her decisions. The only decision she wasn’t rethinking was Bucky. Ever since he had finally kissed her, the two of them had been as giddy as two teenagers experiencing their first crushes.

She let out a sigh of exasperation as threw the dress in her hands onto the her bed, making it join the other ones she had already rejected. She didn’t want to be over dressed, but most definitely did not want to be under dressed. Nothing was calling out to her. She reached back and settled on a mid length dark blue dress with a lace overall that she could easily pair with a blazer. She deemed it professional, but still showed off her personality.

She glanced at her phone and saw that she had wasted more time than she had wanted on picking an outfit. She quickly pinned back the sides of her hair and threw on some makeup. Her phone lit up as she slippe on her shoes and grabbed her jacket. She picked it up without looking at who it was, “Hello?”

“Good Morning, Princess,” Bucky’s warm voice brought an instant smile to her face.

“Hiya Buckaroo,” she grabbed her saddle back and headed into the kitchen, “I’m so not ready for today! I think I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.”

“Hey, you’re going to be fine. They wanted you for a reason after all,” he reassured and hear her taking a few deep breaths, “have you had coffee or breakfast yet?”

“No, I’ve been trying to figure out what to wear,” she sheepishly admitted.

“Open the door,” her brows knitted together for a moment as she realized he was going to be waiting for. She hung up the phone and swung the door open to reveal Bucky standing there, two coffees in his hand and some breakfast tucked under his arm.

“Oh yes! You are the best,” she stepped aside and let him. He set the items down on the counter. He gave her a smile in return and kissed her cheek.

“I figured you’d be nervous, so I tried to help a little bit. Were you planning on walking to work or taking a cab?” He sat down at the bar and pulled out a bagel he had gotten for himself. She grabbed her coffee and took a sip - it was just the way she liked it, with plenty of milk and a hint of sugar.

“I was planning on walking, it’s not too far. Would you like to accompany me?” She gave him a small wink.

“I would love to,”

“I just, ugh,” she started and stopped herself, trying to choose her words carefully. She didn’t want to hurt Bucky’s feelings or anything.

“What’s up?”

“I think we maybe shouldn’t go in together. Not yet anyway,” she avoided meeting his gaze but could feel his eyes on her.

“Oh?” He didn’t sound upset, just surprised.

“I just thinking with starting a completely new job, I don’t know how good it would look to come in with your coworker, that you’ve started dating,” she shrugged her shoulders lightly. She knew all about conflicts of interest and how much harshly people judged dating in the workplace, and it could lead down a path she didn’t necessarily want.

“That’s what you’re worried about?” He chuckled a little bit, “but don’t worry, we don’t have to tell anyone yet. It’ll be okay eventually, but you’re probably right.”

“It’s not you, Bucky, really. I just don’t want to start anything,” she keep rambling, relieved he wasn’t upset with her.

“It’ll be fine, Y/N,” he reached over and grabbed her hand kissed it gently. She felt a blush creep up in her cheeks at the small, intimate gesture. They were interrupted by the Y/N’s phone vibrating. She picked it up and saw that it was a text from Tony wishing her a good first day.

“I guess we’d better get going,” she said softly. She exhaled and slipped on her jacket, grabbing her bags and the rest of the coffee and bagel. Bucky followed suit and went ahead and opened the door for her.

The two of them walked hand in hand towards the Avengers Tower where they would both be working. It was a chilly New York morning, where the leaves had suck started changing color. Y/N tried to take everything in as she fought off her nerves.

“Tell me something about yourself,” Bucky suddenly said as he pulled on her hand and got her to stop about a block away from the tower. She loved that he always remembered to ask her for a fact and then tell her one in turn.

“Another day, another fact,” she chuckled as she tried to think of something interesting, “let’s see. My first job in law school was working as a clerk at a family law firm , and on my first day I accidentally deleted half of the stuff on the company server.”

Bucky let out a hearty laugh. She had confessed to him she was a bit unlucky, mixed in with some clumsiness, but this was hilarious to him, “how? How do you even manage to do that?”

“I leaned on my keyboard and apparently had a bunch of stuff selected and deleted it. Luckily, the server was backed up everyday, so it wasn’t a huge deal. Needles to say, I didn’t last long there, “ she cringed a little bit at the memory of having to tell her boss what she had done, “your turn.”

“Back before the War, I thought I was pretty smooth with the ladies,” Y/N raised her eyebrows at him and tried to imagine being suave, “and one night Steve and I were at a pool hall and I was trying to impress the girls. Long story short, I tried to play some pool and ended up giving a girl a black eye with the back of the cue stick.”

“Wow, Buck. Real smooth. I’m guessing she didn’t give you her number?” She smirked at him as he stuck out his tongue at her. She placed her hands on his shoulders and observed him, “I would still have given my number.”

“Ha ha. Isn’t it time for you to go?” He joked and it was her turn to stick out her tongue at him. She stood up on her tiptoes and gave him a quick kiss.

“I’ll see you later. Wish me luck?”

“You don’t need it, but of course. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Sounds perfect,” she pulled away from him, turned on her heel and cast him one last glance before making her way down the block.

‘I can do this’ she repeatedly mentally to herself over and over.

She walked into the tower and headed for the front desk where a young woman sat at the receptionist's desk.

“Good morning, may I help you?” She gave Y/N a pleasant smile.

“Yes, I’m Dr. Y/L//N. I’m here for my first day,”

“Oh yes! It’s nice to meet you, there’s been a lot of buzz about you coming! The legal department is on third floor. This is your access badge. The team is there waiting for you,” she handed Y/N a few papers and a key card and pointed in the direction of the elevator.

“Thank you so much,” she put the papers in her bag and headed for the elevator. She gave the receptionist a small wave as the doors closed. She clutched her bag tightly and leaned against the wall of the elevator with closed eyes as she waited for the ding.

When the doors opened they revealed a large, spacious and open suite. There was natural light filtering in through the many windows, which gave it a homey feel. Y/N smiled a little to herself. She walked over to the front desk and was about to introduce herself just as she was interrupted.

“Dr. Y/L/N?”

“Yes?” She turned around saw a middle aged woman with a stern expression on her face. Y/N was not getting good initial vibes from her.

“You’re late,” she said simply. Y/N glanced down at her watch and saw that the time displayed 9:01.

“A minute is considered late?” She said it almost without thinking, “I had to get my papers and key card, it took a few minutes.”

“I suggest you come earlier tomorrow then,” she had a wicked grin on her face, “if you’d like to follow me, I can show you to your office.”

“May I ask who you are?” She wasn’t about to let this woman break her on her first day.

“Mary Greene,” she stopped for a moment, “senior associate here and head of the legal department for Stark Industries.”

“Oh,”

“Make no mistake, Dr. Y/L/N, you may have been picked out by Mr. Stark himself, but you are still a child. You have much learn , and your place is one you should learn quickly. You will work here but you will answer to the me. Is that clear?”

Y/N trudged after Mary down the long hallway, past other offices. This wasn’t exactly how she imagined any of this would go. She was also not one to let things go. She paused for a moment, “Mary? May I just ask you a question?”

“Go on,” she stopped in front of Y/N’s office and narrowed her eyes.

“I was just wondering who died and made you the queen?” Y/N knew she would probably regret this later, but she wasn’t about to be bullied around, “I have worked hard to get where I am, just like I’m sure you did. Make no mistake, but my age makes me no less competent than you. If you expected me to just be some kid you could bully into doing your bidding, then you were wrong, Now, I believe this is my office?”

Mary’s mouth was hanging open as Y/N swiped her key card and opened the door. She let herself in and swiftly shut the door behind her. Her heart was racing; she half expected Mary to bust down the door and drag her out. One thing she had learned very early on in her legal career was that you had to stand your ground, otherwise people would just walk all over and use you.

Y/N took a look around her spacious office. It was almost exactly like her old one, she realized Tony must have gotten her and desk and furniture sent over. She walked over to antique globe she had by the side of her desk and have it a small spin. She would get used to this. People would learn to accept her, hopefully they wouldn’t all be as bad as Mary.

She sat down in the familiar chair and sighed. So much for a first impression. She noticed she had a brand new top of the line computer and looked at it in awe, but of course Tony would only have the best. There was a bright sticky note on the corner of it, Y/N picked it up and saw that it said there was a meeting at noon. She sighed and laid her head down on the desk. She jumped a bit at the sound of knocking on her door,. She gathered herself for a moment before going to answer it. To her surprise, there as Tony waiting for her.

“Mr. Stark-”

“Please, Tony. Mr. Stark is my father,” he stepped without her saying anything, “I just came by to wish you good luck and I must say, apparently you’ve made quite the first impression.”

“I’m sorry, sir, Mary was just so…”

“Awful? Yeah, she’s not the best people person. But she’s a talented lawyer and that’s why I keep her. You’re smart not to let her push you around. Just like I hand picked her, I hand picked you for a reason. Make sure they know that,” he set some flowers he had been holding down on her desk.

“I will try,” she with a small grin.

“After the department meeting where you’ll introduce yourself and they’ll explain procedures and blah blah blah, take the rest of the day to settle in. Tomorrow morning, come see me when you get here, and I’ve got a case for you to start working on,” he didn’t let her get a word in edgewise but gave her a mock bow and left her office.

Y/N’s head was spinning with everything thrown at her. But to already be working on a new project was exciting enough. She spent the rest of the morning put away her supplies and making sure everything was just the way she liked. But when the clock struck noon, she got up, held her head high and went to the meeting.

She wasn’t expecting to walk into a room so full of lawyers, a very varied group of lawyers to be fair. She looked for an empty seat but couldn’t spot one. She was about to go into panic mode when Mary’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

“Dr. Y/L/N, why don’t go to the front and introduce yourself. The whole department is here and exciting to get to know you,” the whole room fell into a hush and she could feel a nervous flush rise in her cheeks.

“I’d love to,” she lied as she walked up to the podium at the front. She set her notebook de and took a moment to gather her thoughts, “my name is Y/N Y/L/N. I work as a civil and human rights attorney, and I’m from San Francisco. I spent part of my time in law school working for the attorney general, dealing with criminal matters, as well as working for a family law firm, and have my doctorate in law and political science. I’ve been practicing since I passed the bar early last year, and I look forward to working here with all of you. I know everyone has different backgrounds and I think that beneficial so we can all learn from and help each other.”

“Y/N? If I may be so bold, how old are you?” She cringed for a moment at the question from one of the older men.

“I am 25, if you must know. But, let me make this very clear,” she paused for a moment for dramatic effect, “if you have a problem with my age or experience level, please say so now. I am an as competent and capable as you. Let me put it this way, young attorneys are needed because we bring a new perspective onto things: times are changing and we must adapt. We can’t handle things the way we did fifty years ago. I don’t want there to be any issues with any of us, but I will not tolerate being bullied or treated less because of my age. Now, are there any questions?”

No in the room moved or made any objections. She allowed herself a small smile as she backed away from the podium. That had shut them right up.

Maybe she did have a place there after all.

Taglist: @sebstanwassup @ladyabby-1996 @bookaddic @jems8241

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word-of-sanjana · 4 years

Text

Local Offices 2020

Ok, I am very hesitant to put my specific location info out there on the internet, but suffice to say, I am a Santa Clara County voter, and these are the offices at stake here in my area.

Researchers

Sanjana and her brother Aditya

all opinions belong to Sanjana

Short Guide:

US House of Reps, District 18: Vote Anna Eshoo over Rishi Kumar - those of you who know what it’s like living in a community with Rishi Kumar, I hope you are big enough not to wish such a nauseating fate on all of us in the United States

CA State Senator, District 15: Pick Cortese over Ravel, even though both candidates seem pretty solid!

CA State Assembly, District 28: Obviously pick Evan Low over Republican weirdo real-estate agent Carlos Rafael Cruz.

Judge of the Superior Court, Office No. 24: Stuart Scott gives me a bad vibe so I’m going to ABSTAIN from this one.

SUSD Board: The only candidate I feel comfortable recommending you vote for is Scott Adler. As risk management, for a second candidate, I will recommend Melissa Stanis because she seems more trustworthy than any of the other remaining candidates.

City Council: After watching the City Council Candidates Forum, I recommend Renee Paquier and Kookie Fitzsimmons. But even more than that, I recommend you watch the Forum and make up your own mind. I suspect that my priorities (connecting with other communities, making space for non-wealthy people, thinking about the needs of the larger Bay Area, dismantling the illusion that Saratoga is a “semi-rural” town), are not necessarily yours. Anyways, my former write-up is below, and I take it back because some of the candidates did touch upon at least a part of what I am concerned about. As they say, op-ed writing means always having to say you’re sorry.

Oh wow, turns out (to no one’s surprise), most of Saratoga and I have different ideas about responsibility, humanitarianism, sustainability, and above all courage. I am of course, talking about Saratoga’s complete refusal to consider affordable housing. This is the central issue for the campaigns for city council, and no candidates reflect my values, so I will be endorsing none. Privately, I will most likely vote for this office as a form of risk management, so if you want to do that as well, please consult the longer explanations below.

Long Guide:

US House of Reps, District 18: Ah, the local kiss-ass is trying to go to Congress. Rishi Kumar snaked his way into being a local “leader” in the community I live in just a couple of years ago. His main platform has been cuddling up with law enforcement, creating “neighborhood watch groups” that profile people on the streets, and showing an overall tone-deafness about privilege, race, class, and basic decency. A lot of my stories about him involve other people, so unfortunately I am not at liberty to share them here, but here’s a fun one that was published in local news. Rishi Kumar is slimy both in policy and personality, and if you support him, you’re a fool to think he would remember you ever again if somehow he went to Washington.

As for Anna Eshoo, she’s nowhere near my ideal rep- she’s a classic establishment Democrat and career politician, and I can’t see her pushing for much-needed changes in the Democrat Party despite her influence. She’ll keep doing what she always does, and “the usual” is not something I’m satisfied with. However, for this office this year, we didn’t have any good candidates, and out of all the scrubs who showed up, she at least has some basic competency to get the job done. So, for the sake of not unleashing Rishi Kumar on the nation, I’ll endorse Eshoo for US Rep.

Sources: candidate campaign websites, community connections

CA State Senator, District 15: I have some internal conflict over this one. Dave Cortese has been involved in South Bay politics for years, and has a strong backing from progressive groups. But on the other hand, Ann Ravel has a record of bravery in fighting dark money, and also, I like what I’ve seen of her character. Honestly, I wish both of them could go to State Congress (and how rare is it to feel that way about an election!) In the end, I am going to endorse Cortese for State Senator simply because progressive orgs that know more than me are backing him. Ultimately, you want a senator that will work with the local groups doing the work on the ground, and if these groups are backing him, then they must have faith that he will get the job done in Sacramento as well. Still hoping to see more from Ann Ravel in the future!

Sources: candidate campaign websites, this interview on Valley Politics August 2020, SF Chronicle endorsement, Progressive Voters Guide, research I did back in the primaries

CA State Assembly Member, District 28: This one is a no-brainer; vote Evan Low. He’s been around for a few years now and from what I’ve seen, he’s alright. Actually when I get more time to be a politics nerd, I might go through his voting record and see what I find in there; I was told by Progressive Voters Guide that it’s mixed, and I’m curious to see for myself. Oh yeah, the opponent in this race is Carlos Rafael Cruz, who is a never-held-office Republican real estate agent, who seems to think Sacramento is trying to take over parenting? He garbled something about how children are all gonna be “emancepated wards of the state”. Anyways, the choice is clear just from the ballot itself- there really was no other research necessary heh.

Sources: candidate campaign websites, Progressive Voters Guide, official ASM28 website, research I did back in the primaries, background knowledge on Evan Low from a few years ago in his last election

Judge of the Superior Court, Office No. 24: My friend in Chicago gets to vote Yes/No on Judges?! And here in California we basically don’t have a choice by the time the General election rolls around. Anyways, this dude, Stuart Scott gives me a bad vibe. He’s super pals with the police– and he used to be a prosecutor– and this incident rubs me the wrong way. So instead of voting for him, I will ABSTAIN.

Sources: Ballotpedia, 2016 Mercury News article, Gilroy Dispatch article

SUSD Board:

Scott Adler mentioned that he wants to “acknowledge and address racism, sexism, harassment and bullying” which sounds good to me. It could be empty words, but at least mentioning these realities is a needed start. I’ll give him a shot and say YES.

Melissa Stanis seems like a dedicated parent volunteer, which is not necessarily what the school board needs. I’m more interested in finding someone who will bring challenging issues to the forefront. But she does seem to really care about the students and the district, and that is not a bad base for a school board. (Plus, I didn’t like the candidates below very much.) So while it’s not an enthusiastic endorsement, she has at least half a YES from me.

Cecile Cohen-Jonathan mentions “social-emotional programs” for students, which sounds intriguing, but I’m unclear what these programs are without concrete details. Can’t support without enough info so it’s a NO.

Sunita Verma’s “Voice of the community” section says ”I will work to ensure visibility to all district stakeholders through open and timely communication,” and if I was a corporation, that would sound great. Unfortunately for her I am a human, so her corporate tone plus a lack of any interesting policies makes her campaign a NO in my book.

Azadeh Weber says some great things about mental health and about connecting with the larger community. However, she is also supported by the Libertarian Party, so... hm. In politics, it’s always best to look at actions first, allies second, and words third, so even though the words are good, the allies are not, so it’s a NO from me.

Sources: candidate campaign websites

City Council: Ugh. Ok, first things first- all these candidates are against SB 35, the bill that mandates counties build affordable housing. There are valid reasons to be concerned with putting local control in the hands of the state; HOWEVER, to my understanding, we in this area have not made ANY notable steps to build affordable housing on our own, so OF COURSE the state is going to take control when there is this crisis going on. Despite what many want to believe, Saratoga isn’t a separatist, elitist colony– we’re as much a part of the larger Bay Area community as anyone, and if we can help with the housing crisis, we have a responsibility to step up. SB 35 may or may not be the best way to force this town to help our community; there are, as always, legitimate concerns as to how changes will play out. But the housing crisis has gone too far for us to not take action, let alone pretend like we don’t have the means to do something. I find it shameful that so many of the candidates for city council are more interested in pushing back against SB 35 than looking for ways we can actually share support with the communities in crisis outside our borders.

[10/12, 11:30 pm: The City Council section is revised, with the old write-ups crossed out. I did indeed have to eat my own words on some of what I said previously, so please forgive me for being sharp-tongued on limited information. I have made the updated recommendations after watching the Saratoga City Council Candidates Forum.]

Belal Aftab may be what I initially suspected: a sheltered South Bay tech guy with political aspirations and a myopic sense of vision that extends to wealthy counties in the Bay Area and no further. He thinks Saratoga is doomed by SB 35. It’s a NO for him because while I don’t think he’ll change Saratoga at all, I do think he’ll continue the cycle of Saratoga elitism. Also, I don’t want to enable his inevitable State Congress run.

Belal Aftab is a finance/tech guy, but I wonder if he has higher political aspirations, given the pandering tone of the website. Anyways, his agenda has a couple of interesting ideas, like a “Psychiatric Response Unit“ and more city budget transparency. He also wants to work closely with the Sheriff’s dept. and wants to push back against SB 35, so clearly he and I are not on the same page here. I can’t in good consciousness endorse someone has a less than 50% chance of representing my values, so I’ll give him a MAYBE.

Renee Paquier seemed fairly balanced in her forum appearance. She talked about economic recovery for local businesses, which no one else addressed early on. She also consistently brought up discussion with community members, and deferred to the people most impacted when considering proposals. She also said she’s not against housing in principle, which is what I’m looking for (because I have lowered my standards after seeing the other candidates). Also, very tellingly, she was the ONLY candidate who supported Prop 15 (and one of two that supported Prop 16). I am still wary of her ties to policing, and given that we have a county Sheriff’s Office in our town, this is an important consideration. But by far she seems more progressive than any of the other candidates. Now that I have a better sense of her, I will say an uncontested YES.

Renee Paquier is a former cop turned West Valley Dean. She had no notable ideas, as far as I could tell. She does want to expand the Neighborhood Watch Program, you know, the one championed by the illustrious barf bag Rishi Kumar. Anyways, if it wasn’t clear before, it’s a NO.

John Fitzpatrick is obsessed with open space areas, and connects every question back to that. He says his lawyer skills will help when dealing with Sacramento. Altogether, it’s not enough so NO.

John Fitzpatrick seems really devoted to keeping low-income people out of Saratoga. His website even said “more highly skilled jobs in Saratoga could prevent the high density development that we are now facing,” which is real telling. I don’t have a NO strong enough for this asshole.

Kookie Fitzsimmons is a bit scattered but also does her research. She was open to new housing options and supports Prop 16 (one of only two people who do). I wonder if she’s too soft, but I’ll take nice over a snake any day of the week. Compared to everyone else here, she’s in the top 2 so it’s a YES from me.

Kookie Fitzsimmons has the worst website I’ve seen so far. I didn’t see any specific policies proposed, but maybe it’s just on a page I can’t access cause the HTML is so screwed up. No policy, so it’s a NO.

Doug Case had a good answer to the housing question about the need for space for people who need a place in Saratoga, like non-white collar workers whose children can go to the schools. But that was the only point on which we fully agreed. So he’ll come in third with a NO.

Doug Case has no website, and his candidate statement just talked about his life. So as usual, no policy, NO endorsement from me.

Tina Walia is very against SB 35 and very in love with self-promotion. She knows her policy and is ready to wield it against new housing as much as possible. She’s smart, so some of her suggestions are reasonable, but I see no evidence of a heart there. She kinda feels like a person who would be the headmistress of a school but doesn’t seem to care about humans as individuals to the point that you feel like, why did you choose this career? Anyways it’s a NO.

Tina Walia seems to have a great grasp of how Saratoga works, and would no doubt be an efficient and positive addition to the council. However, her policies are all in favor of minimizing Saratoga’s housing supply, with no other ideas detailed on her website. Hmm, should I vote for a probably decent person who has clashing values with me? MAYBE, but I don’t know what I’ll choose yet.

Sources: candidate campaign websites, LWV Candidate Forum - Saratoga City Council

Conclusion

Finally I am DONE! Researching those local offices ended up being pretty grueling. But they are all very important, so I hope you will vote in these elections, or whichever downballot elections are in your area. These are the positions that most directly affect people’s lives, so don’t forget about them! As of now [Oct. 12, 2020], this section is complete!

#santa clara county #california #ballot #election 2020

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bolbianddolanhouse · 4 years

Text

BNHA self insert AU

New to the AU? Start here!

Chapter 39: What Are Those?! THOSE ARE MY CHANCLAS!

The weeks pass and I am preparing myself for one of the most important meetings for the future of the company. While at the same time, things are brewing up in the hero world.

“Miss 19, the head of the branch would like to see you” meekly summoned the new assistant agent “they say it’s urgent.”

“Thank you, I’ll make my way over” I stop my paperwork and get up from my desk.

“Oh wow are they finally going to demote you to foot-agent” coldly spat one of the other agents in the room “I bet it’s for fucking up the ambassador’s mission!”

“Shut the fuck up 63!” retorted another agent “19 has been doing phenomenal work and the ambassador’s incident was YOUR fault, I have the paperwork to prove it.”

I slip out of the room before another on of 63′s meltdowns happen. Agent work in this branch is so high stake that I literally don’t know what to expect when I get called upon to the head of branch. I get to the double doors to get scanned in before entering, I walk in to see Mimi and Jin also in the room.

“Oh what are you two doing here?” I questioned “is this related to what you wanted to see me for?”

“Yes actually, have a seat” politely asked the Head of Branch “it has come to our attention that you three are a dynamic team and have been since your school days” he scoots a file toward us “it is with great pleasure that I present you with the official invitation to be part of the Emperor’s Coup, Independence Team.”

“All of us?” Jin questioned in disbelief “But 20 and I aren’t in the same sector as 19, how can that be?”

“Take a look for yourself” the Head gestured to the file.

“Agents 19, 20 and 21. Congratulations, We extend our invitation to be part of Independence team. We’ve been keeping a close eye on you three since 1st year of your high school careers.” Mimi starts reading out loud “Through all the chaos, trials and tribulations that life threw at you three, together you rise stronger every time. It’s what we pride ourselves to be and you show your worth as an unbreakable unit. If you choose to accept as a unit, you’ll be given one of the highest positions in our team as an On-Call Intel Agent/Unit. Regardless of current position, we want to take you in because you have the set of skills we need in our team.”

“On-Call Intel! What an honor!” Jin geeked out “that means we’ll get called upon when needed for foot-work but get to solve high-profile cases!”

We look at each other “We accept! Where do we sign?” Turns out that we’ll need to wait until August to start in the Emperor’s Coup, a whole 4 and half months. I couldn’t wait to tell Tenya the news.

“That’s great news!” he gave me a tight embrace and lifted me up “I’m so proud of you for finally getting your way out of your current agent work.”

“Thanks babe” I said breathlessly “I’ll have more time to spend with you and other things I’ve been meaning to do.”

He puts her down “We should celebrate! What do you want to do?”

“I kinda don’t want to celebrate this one” I stretched my back “like I get that it’s a huge deal, but Jin, Mimi and I just want to silently go into this one.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” he detects somethings off “you three always want a reason to party.”

“I know but with our huge meet up fast approaching us, we just want to focus all of our good faces and energy to that” I sigh tiredly “not to mention I’m pretty beat from this recent mission.”

“Okay baby” he kissed her forehead “you’ve been working hard, get some rest.”

The days turn to weeks and the stress piles on and on without giving me any breaks. It’s late May, one year being in a relationship with Tenya. I could hardly believe that it’s been a year because the beginning of it took a lot of my time away from them because of my career. I wanted to surprise him with a nice stay at home evening with dinner and some spice in the bedroom since we both have work the next day and can’t take more days off.

“You have one video call request from Beibi-Rock” yipped Muffin 2.0 as they scurried into the kitchen “would you like to answer?”

I furrowed my brow in confusion “Beizu? That was a quick meeting” I turned off the stove and took off my apron “put the call up on the widescreen please.”

On the screen showed Jin and Beizu in their business attire, they were the ones that spoke with important people on the behalf of the company.

“Hi~ how’s your day off?” casually spoke Beizu like he was hiding something “is dinner almost done?”

“What happened” I demanded as I know Beizu can’t keep his cool when he fucks up “it’s not even 6:30! Meetings go on for at least 2 hours.”

“Like, ugh! These people are so hard to talk to!” Jin groaned aggressively “they didn’t care what we had to say and they hardly even looked at our demonstration!” he rubs his temples “and PLEASE don’t get upset, but they want you to talk to them instead.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?! ME?! I CLEARLY STATED THAT I WAS SENDING YOU TWO BECAUSE I DON’T DO THESE MEETINGS!” I screamed, nearly going feral “what is their reasoning?! It can’t be because I was the one that talk to them on the phone or that I’m the CEO.”

“They liked the fact that you can speak Okinawa native Japanese” Beizu butted in “they assumed that we also spoke it but obviously they caught on that we don’t and stopped listening.”

“I did do that” I recalled the phone call and pondered “did you reschedule for a different day with me?”

“Yes and this is where we hesitated to give you a call” Beizu sighed and winced “next one where there’s no conflict in all three of our schedules is the 2nd sunday of June.”

“MY NEXT DAY OFF?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” I got hysterical “you know how I feel about that!”

“Yeah but this is a very important interaction!” Jin pleaded “remember what I said in the meeting? If they agree-”

“They’ll boost our net worth and we’ll be able to expand” I finished his sentence “ugh! Why does the universe have to curse me with these skills!”

“It’s just that day then I’ll handle things the next day to make up for it” Beizu compromised with me “you’ll still get a day off, promise.”

I try to go about things like nothing was bothering me but I was still upset that I had to worry, on my anniversary of all days! The night went as planned and I got a ton of work piled onto me the following days. I was not doing well but I was trying to pull myself together until the meeting. Agent work was getting rough on my stressed body to the point where I come home riddled in bruises and scrapes in bandages.

“I’m home” called out Tenya as he walked in the house.

“I’m in the kitchen” I respond, dinner just finished cooking and I was washing dishes stressfully.

He walks into the kitchen to greet me with his embrace but stopped himself when he saw the nasty bruises on my arms and legs, plus the knee brace on my left leg.

“Baby what happened?” he said with high concern “those bruises look like they hurt to move your arms! And you shouldn’t be standing on that injury!” he chopped as I turned around “you should be getting rest and let me-”

“No no, it’s my turn to cook and wash dishes” I interrupt him, as I wasn’t in the right mental state to hear his lecturing “if I don’t, I don’t feel right” I continue to scrub the pan I was soaking.

“What’s wrong Ita?” Tenya was not having my excuses “you’ve been so overly active and being hard on yourself lately.”

“I’m fine, just roughed up” lies, but I didn’t want to talk about it.

“No you’re not” he said so firmly and blunt that it demanded attention “please tell me whats wrong.”

“I said I’m fine” I lost my temper a bit that I snapped the handle off the pan I was scrubbing.

“That doesn’t look fine to me” he walked closer as she threw the pan away in frustration “talk to me Ita,” he put his hands on her shoulders “don’t push me away, I want to help.”

That was my breaking point, my relationship entered my pile of problems and stresses and I couldn’t handle my burdens anymore. I fell to my knees and my migirine hit harder than usual “STOP! I CAN’T THINK, PLEASE!” I put my hands on my ears and shut my eyes because everything was overwhelming me at once. I unknowingly levitate random objects as I cried out in agony.

“Stop what?! Ita?” he rushed to her side but was pushed by a wave of telekinetic energy “what is going on?! I don’t know what to do!”

Muffin 2.0 rushed in to put a pair of noise cancelling headphones and a blind fold on her, suddenly she stopped crying in agony and the objects fell to the ground. The little robo then carried her to the guest room to lay her down on the bed. “Sorry you had to witness that” apologized the robo “I detected a spike in her brain activity and took on protocol.”

“What protocol would that be?” asked Tenya as he hesitated to get closer to her.

“It’s best if you wait for Dad and Big Sis come and explain” he makes Tenya back up and out the guest room.

Not even a second later, Jin and Mimi portal in “Oh my God, okay first off” Jin panted as the portal closed behind them “what did you do to set her off? And are you injured in anyway?”

“I just asked what was wrong and she kept putting in excuses that she’s fine until I put my hands on her shoulders” he reanacted “and I’m not injured, but she flung me pretty hard to knock me on the floor.”

“Oh that’s bad” Mimi turned to the robo “Muffin, can you print me the chart of her vitals within past hour?” she heads to the stairs “I’ll be back, gotta check something real quick to be sure.”

“Okay, I’ll explain shit to him” Jin turned his attention to Tenya “let’s have a seat on the couch” they sit on the couch “okay, let me start with, I don’t like you and your need to pester Ita BUT you make her happy, so I’ve been tolerating you as long as y’all stay together.”

“Understandable, but what is going on?”

“It’s very long winded” Jin sighed “but I’ll keep things summerized, so Ita has telekinesis and it comes with a slew of side effects as the person ages and goes through stress and tragedy. You know her backstory but you don’t know what exactly happened in those years you were apart” Jin paused a bit to hold back his emotions “it was hard on her that she lost so much in a short amount of time that she just buried herself in her studies and work. She started to just overwork herself to near death and the stress would keep her up at night to the point where we’d go to work and she wasn’t at her best. The tipping point was when she was studying for her finals and she got a migriane, for others a disabling headache, for her an agonizing and life threatening pain. We got her to the hospital where they got her mostly under control but with no idea how to help her. I studied up on it and turns out she was going to die if I wasn’t home to hear the scream and get her help within the first 20mins.” he clenched his fists “she got the help she needed and just in case, I programed Muffin 2.0 to help with the cutting off of sensory part until I can portal her to a hospital. But I don’t know if she’ll need it because this is the first one in a year and a half! I have to wait on Mimi with the vital charts.”

Mimi came down the stairs just as he said that “Okay, good news, she doesn’t need to go to the hospital” she sighed before speaking “bad news, she’s prone to another episode, her blood-pressure spiked and hasn’t gone down.”

“Fuck she’s too stressed” Jin put his hands on his face “we can’t afford another episode, the meeting is in 2 days!”

Mimi pursed her lips and took a deep breath “You know you have to do the right thing baby boy” she sat next to Jin and put her hand on his back “she trusts you to make decisions for her when this happens, we love her and want whats best.”

“I know but I just can’t bear to make them, I need her to fool proof my plan” Jin starts to tear up “we argue on who’s right all the time but she’s my backup planner, I’m useless on my own.”

“None of that Jin!” she slaps him on the back to shock him “we don’t give up when one of us is down” she looms over him “what is the plan Jin? Do we leave her to die here or do we save her?!”

Jin’s face lights up “THAT’S IT! We take her to Okinawa now so that way she’s out of her stressful environment, has time to come down and focus until the meeting.” He turns to Tenya “fair warning, we’re going to take her away for a few days, I know she said only Sunday but we’ll be back on Monday evening.”

“If it will help her, please take as much time as needed” Tenya fixed his glasses “I just want her to get better and I’ll take care of things here.”

The friends prepare her luggage and wrap her in a comforter to prevent the overstimulation of travel. Jin contacts Beizu on the early departure and things get situated accordingly. Ita recovered quickly and in time for the meeting, plus was able to get them to give an immediate answer. At the house, Tenya was coming to terms of Ita’s lifestyle and how truly stressful it is. She works two jobs, makes public appearances, talks to high profile people everyday and comes home to do housework plus manage a relationship. This episode really put in perspective that she didn’t need Tenya, she wanted to be with him and finds it worth the trouble. He couldn’t sleep while she was away, and she couldn’t either, the bed was too cold. Monday evening arrived and as much as Tenya wanted to stay awake to see her, he fell asleep on the couch. When she portaled in and saw his tired face, she floated him to bed and climbed in too.

Tenya was the first one to wake up, he saw the familiar mass of black curls on the adjacent pillow “Love? Is that you?” he softly spoke, like he was afraid to be wrong.

“It’s me, hi” I replied, rubbing my eyes “um, about last-”

“I know now, it’s okay” he interrupted me with a hug “I was so scared that I was going to lose you and it hurt to not be there for you or know that to do” he squeezed tighter “this time apart had me thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

“How much you actually work and that our relationship is a burden to everything else you have going on!” he broke the hug to look at her face “am I really worth the added stress? Because I’ve done close to nothing to what you bring to the table.”

“You are worth it Tenya,” I sigh “I put in the effort to make you dinner and have everything clean so you come home to things the way you want it, because I don’t want to seem like I don’t care. I do it like I’m competing for your heart.”

“Theres no need for all that” he kisses her, lingering on it “I will never have feelings for anyone else but you. But from now on, I’m going to do things for you to alleviate the stress of life.”

“Like what?” I asked, still dazed by that kiss.

“On my days off, I’ll do all the house things so you don’t have to come home stressed.” he starts to list off things “I’ll make your breakfast every morning, make you a bath when you’re achy and tired, I’ll make sure you don’t get pent up” he starts to tug at her waist band “speaking of which, you’ve been gone for 4 days, time for your man to take care of this.” He expressed his neediness in the form of lovemaking, her expressions and moans in the morning light made the moment almost therapeutic. Dazed and breathless, he dresses and carries her downstairs for breakfast.

“Did you go through my rolodex of recipes while I was gone?” I asked curiously, waiting for him to finish cooking.

“I thought I did a good job at putting back exactly how it was” he was shocked “how did you know?”

“You’re cooking chilaquiles, that’s marked under the mexican flag tabs and I can see the tab from here” I giggled “I usually flip the cards to the alphabetized side of the tabs when I’m done using it.”

“I didn’t notice that” he looked at the rolodex again “well, I was going through all the mexican recipes to cook comfort food for you but they’re all for a group of 5 or more.” he plated the eggs and beans “so I made a whole half gallon of this red salsa before reading the bottom of the card that its a party serving.”

I started laughing “The 6 roasted tomatoes, 2 onions and quarter pound of chile verde didn’t tip you off?”

“Don’t laugh! I’ve never made salsa” he chopped before turning off the stove “now that I think about it, I’ve never seen you make salsa or any of the mexican staples.”

“I make some things ahead of time and store them in the fridge for later” I watch him scoop the chilaquiles onto the plate, mouth watering “I make salsa on sunday afternoons, tortillas on wednesday mornings, chips on saturday evenings and beans on tuesday before I go to work.” I get presented with the plate “oh! can you get me the two containers on the top shelf of the fridge door?”

He gets the two items “what are these?”

“Queso and crema fresca” I say as I top off my chilaquiles “the two things I can’t make and I spend top dollar to get imported.” I take the first bite and almost start crying “oh FUCK this is good! Thanks babe.”

“You’re welcome” he washed his hands and pondered “what else do you get imported?”

“I get dry chiles, mole paste, cooking oil, cheese of all types, dry herbs, maize and canned hominy” I pause to sip my coffee “I also get all my hair and skin things from America via my parents sending them to me when I ask. And I order my snacks in bulk” I point to the shuttered door next to the fridge “that’s just full of hot cheetos and other of my favorite snacks, I have to lock it when Bakugo comes over or he’ll eat all of the exxtra hot ones.”

“I was wondering why that door has a keypad” he chuckled “I’ve been living with you for nearly a year and I still don’t know your schedule or routine” he leaned on the counter “does that make me a bad partner?”

“No, to be honest, theres so much to know” I put my fork down “sometimes I forget you live with me until I see the extra pair of shoes next to mine or the whole ass other car in the garage” I pick at the egg yolk “I live my day to day like I was still alone because it’s what I planned for myself when I first came here. I was to live alone and die alone because nobody cares about the foreign girl enough to come to her living space, let alone love her.”

“Did I change that?” Tenya was taken back by what I said.

“Yes, in a good way” I smiled and looked up at him “you made me rethink my plan in every way possible throughout high school, but you saved me from an early death.”

“Early death?”

“Yea, female telekinesis users usually don’t live past 30″ I explained “often you’ll see them get married young or have children in their teen years because they know that they won’t have a chance at a more appropriate age. The women in my family seem to find the key to a long life is family” a smile spread across my face as tears welled in my eyes “and you gave me hope that I can have it all! I want to spend what time I have left with you, I decided that on my 17th birthday when you were waiting for me at the tree” tears were streaming down my face but I was still smiling “because I wished the year before for someone to make my days more bearable and less lonely, and there you were.”

“Even after all that happened?” Tenya was moved by her words “you still wanted to spend your life with me?” He saw her nod as she wiped her tears “I’m touched that you think so highly of me, I promise to make the most of everyday and let our love grow.”

“I know you will” our hands meet “you’ve cared for my poor, little tired heart this far.”

The weeks fly by and it’s August, Tenya’s birthday. We celebrate at the Iida family estate for the weekend. I’ve already met his parents and they adore me for being a possible daughter-in-law.

“Oh Ita! So nice to see you again!” exclaimed Tenya’s mother “Tenya carry her bags! She has to be tired from working so hard these past weeks.”

“Thank you, I’m fine” I politely declined, his mother gets overbearing “but how are you? Tenya tells me you and Mr. Iida have been doing couples tennis lately?”

Tenya and Tensei watch as the two women walk away to the parlor. “Hi mother, I’m great! Thanks for asking!” Tensei spoke as he felt the most ignored “maybe I should get girlfriend too and maybe mom and dad would acknowledge me again, their OLDEST son.”

“You feel ignored? IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” Tenya was feeling a little salty too “watch them fully ask me to propose to her and not talk to me for the rest of the weekend when I say not yet.”

“Well, at least she brings liveliness to the place” Tensei said as they rolled to their room “I’ll be in my room, come get me when it’s time for lunch.”

Tenya brings the bags to their room for the weekend, which is just his old room. He set up her vase of lillies, lavender and sage when he got an idea.

-Later that evening-

“Hey lets go on a little walk in the gardens” Tenya asked Ita before they headed to the room.

“Sure, I could use some away time from your parents” I hooked my arm to his “they’re being extra nosey, asking if I’m planning to propose to you and if I plan to take the family name or if I’m pregnant.”

“Wow I’m sorry they’re pressuring you” they walk out to the patio “they like you and want you to stay in the family. Our family isn’t very big and if we got married, we’d be the 1st one in this generation.”

“Oh many many are in your generation?”

“3, myself and two cousins” he said deflated “I know it’s so little but our family is dwindling and there’s pressure to start families to keep the lineage strong.”

“Oof I have a feeling if we started a family” I laughed softly “our kids would cause hysteria among your quiet and mild mannered family. They’d be so loud, out spoken, hot headed and over the top weird that everyone will regret pressuring us having kids.”

“That’s what I want though” Tenya laughed at the thought “you bring so much to the table and the spice of your double quirks and hispanic traits, these curly haired rebels won’t be ignored and will be born to change the old ways.”

“I like the thought of that” I pondered on it “do you think one our kids will be the next Ingenium?”

“How many kids do you want?”

“3 kids, pregnancy sucks ass but I also want that good old sibling experience where there’s different ages and dynamics between them” I sigh into a smile “did I mention twins run in my family? Imagine that showing up in the family tree! The Iida twins.”

“Well in that case, if Tensei doesn’t have kids, then maybe our kids will be the next Ingenium” he chopped slowly “they’d have to have the engine quirk in order to get the title.” He stopped in front of the gazebo “lets sit here, you can see the view of the gardens from there.”

They sit and Ita looks out in awe “It’s so lush and bigger than I thought!” she points to a blank area “what’s that piece of lawn used for?”

“It’s just a piece of lawn but I have some sort of plan for it” he puts his arm around her “I want to build you a botanical garden sanctuary, one where you can frolic in and take a nap in the sunlight” he makes gestures to convey his idea “I’d plant lillies, lavender, sage and an orange tree with moss coverings and a koi pond. Wouldn’t that be nice? So that way you’ll have a piece of land when you become part of the family.”

“That does sound nice but is that allowed?”

“Only if you own the estate” he explained “one day, I’ll get the estate and we’ll live a grand and lavish life with our family. We’ll spend endless hours frolicking about and throw parties” he felt her head rest on his shoulder “doesn’t that sound nice? Would you live with me here?”

“I’d follow you anywhere as long as we’re together” I assured him “and I’m in no rush to get things started, one day at a time Tenya.”

“Even if it takes up all of our time together?”

“Even if it takes up all that time, it took us almost 7 years to admit we had feelings for each other!” I teased “whats a lifetime with the one you love compared to one without them? When the time is right, the universe will present us with marriage and children” I shifted my gaze to him “right now the universe is shifting me to some risky activity behind those tall hedges over there.”

“Risky acti- OH! oh~” He caught on very quickly “I always wanted to partake in risky lovemaking” he carried her to the hedges “happy early birthday to me!”

“You’re dumb!” I laughed “sure beats cake huh?”

“Very much so!”

-The Next Evening-

More of his family showed up and it was truly a small family. 8 family members show up and I remembered all of them from the Estate Ball. They were quite pleased that I was there and the idea that I might marry into their family.

“Oh! I was meaning to show this to you!” Mr. Iida suddenly remembered after dinner “it’s not a present but it’s something I’ve gotten restored and placed back into the grand hall.”

He leads us to the grand hall and uncloaked a glossy baby grand piano “Is that a Belgium Vintage Baby Grand Piano!” I hollered, fully geeking out “oh man the gloss on this baby is divine- OH MY GOD IT HAS THE ORIGINAL PLAYER’S BENCH!”

“Have a seat on it my dear” Mr. Iida gestured for me to sit “why don’t you play us something? Tenya always shows us videos of you singing and playing.”

“He does? I don’t remember having videos of me performing” I questioned.

“Oh yes! My favorite one was of you singing with that jazz band in the auditorium” spoke his cousin “you have a lovely voice for jazz.”

“I loved the one where she was playing the ukulele on the couch” said his other cousin “I wish I was as talented as you!”

It clicked in my head that Tenya has been secretly recording me singing and I guess he would play them during the time we were apart. “Alright alright!” I play a G chord on the piano and take a seat “any requests?”

“Can you play that song, the name is slipping my mind” Tenya struggled to remember “the one about the moon and spring on Jupiter and Mars?”

“OH! Fly Me to the Moon!” I finished his thought process and put my fingers over the keys “...Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars...” I saw the looks on everyone’s face when I opened my mouth to sing. It was almost like they’ve never seen live music, the room felt like it’s been decades since somebody played something so upbeat “...fill my life with song and let me sing forevermore! You are all I long for, all I worship and adore...” could it be because it’s true? Or is it because I’m showing a part of me that’s so private that if they told the world, they’d never believe them? “...in other words, I love....YOU!” Their clapping startled me, even though I was expecting it, this time it hit different.

“Lovely playing! Brava!” Mr. Iida praised “oh I knew this was a good investment” he cleared his throat “I got the piano restored and out of the estate storage so that we can have the estate more lively with the sounds of music!” he gestured to me “we, the Iida family, love having you around and Tenya tells us how you fill the empty halls with your singing and music. We’d love to make you comfortable here now that you’re one of us.”

“Oh um I didn’t-” Tenya spoke up but was interrupted by his father.

“You’ve graced this family with your kindness, grace and music” his father held my hand between his “please stay, we need more people like you marrying into our quiet and dwindling family.”

“I’ll stay as long as I’m welcomed” I warmly smiled “I’d never leave Tenya, he’s so much more than just my boyfriend, he’s my soulmate.”

His mother started to cry “You’re too pure of heart! Please Tenya, marry her already!”

I felt more accepted into their family but the time wasn’t right for me to be among them. And I was okay with that, I said what I said. Will things get horrendous? Bitch it might.

-Chapter 39, End-

#bnha #mha #self insert au #chapter 39 #not canon #will update regularly #ask me anything #//Palma-sama Speaks #yet another chapter of fluff #now with more spanish! and domestic life #we're nearing the end of this part of the AU...BUT don't fret #I'll explain the timeline of the AU in the next one SO STAY TUNED!

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kaleidoscopeofrainbows · 7 years

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One Foot Out of the Closet, Part 9: Taking compliments

Ugh, it is so hard to accept compliments of any sort. Whether it’s people telling me I’m brave for coming out or telling me my hair is cute, I can’t ever find an appropriate way to respond. I’m so conflicted because, obviously, I’m grateful for a compliment but at the same time, I brush them off or deflect them my insecurities tell me other people are better, braver, prettier, smarter, and kinder than I am. My first instinctual response is to say, “But I’m not.“

Because I feel like I’m not pretty. I’ve never been conventionally pretty. I’ve always left my body to evolve the way it wants. I never straightened my curly hair, I don’t try very hard to lose weight (my health class reminded me that I am ever so slightly overweight), I never wear makeup, I don’t even really try to be fashionably dressed. So I guess because I don’t try, I don’t feel I deserve compliments on how I look since I see so many other people try harder than I do to look beautiful...shouldn’t they get more of a nod? Maybe they do. Besides that, I don’t value compliments on my looks the way I do compliments on my intelligence or my art (my eventual career).

Listen,

Yesterday, at college, I ran into a student from one of my other classes. She was just sketching for her drawing class in the drawing/painting art room. She inquired as to why I was there. I said I was waiting for my Figure Drawing Class at 6pm. It was like 2pm. So of course, I was super early. That’s not actually relevant to the story. Anyway, she asked if I was the model for the class and I started dying of laughter because (1. I’m a student at this school like can you even f*cking do that? (2. I would be a horrible model simply because I can’t hold still to even get my nails done. (3. The figure drawing models are mostly nude models which, read Lauren Graham’s novel “Talking as Fast as I Can” because her reasoning is exactly my reasoning: that’s just something I would not be comfortable letting myself do.

But out of all the perfectly good reasons to articulate to her as to why I found her suggestion unbelievable, I said, “No, *guffawing* Do I look like I have a model body?“ Why? That’s just such a stupid thing for me to say. I pride myself on NOT being openly vain. I’m turning into Anne Shirley Cuthbert. I know that I have beauty but I still have a lot of insecurities regarding my weight and my body hair (dark, coarse hair on pale, ghost-like skin has me shaving like 2-3 times a week but that’s a discussion for another time).

Continuing, my classmate laughed and told me simply, “yes.”

I don’t even know what to say. Awkwardly: “You flatter me. No, I’m definitely not a model.” I would be conventionally pretty if I were born in 3rd century Rome. but then I would also be conventionally dead because I’m Catholic which in 3rd century Rome was probably less than tolerable. It’s not fair of me to criticize myself so much since this world is so little about me. It’s probably just a side effect of living in a society that worships physical beauty above ingenuity: the beauty of an idea. I guess my goal as an artist and future illustrator should be to reinvent beauty. I think that’s something I should strive for at some point. Someone should challenge society.

Also, @ my random classmate: opinions shouldn’t matter but I guess they do so, I think you’re pretty too. You could be a model if you wanted to. Or you could be an incredible artist. Obviously for now you are an art student but I believe you can be anything you set your mind on. You could be an astrophysicist. Don’t let the atmosphere stop you from reaching for the stars. I know you want to go to Ringling so I hope I might see you around in the future where I have already finished a year of classes there. Obviously, I’m not there yet...but I could be. That’s hope. Hope can be so much more beautiful than beauty. As the definition of beauty changes, fades, dies and blossoms again, hope can carry us onward and upward. And disappointment is a thing that happens and exists but sometimes the way to defeat that heavy brick wall is to float on a new hope once again. I also hope that last sentence made you think of Star Wars.

I’m a nerd.

@ my readers: just know there is more than one definition of beauty. You can be any and all of them. Sometimes beauty actually comes without trying. Accepting compliments is hard. Remember to be gentle with yourself. Sometimes I feel I don’t deserve the love that I receive. Then, I don’t think it’s about what I deserve. It’s about how I can gift back to this world as much goodness as I get. So don’t be afraid to give compliments out. I think as women, as men, as nonbinary people, as HUMANS we all need to hear positivity. That’s how we unite: through love.

#beautiful #self love #lesbian #gay #Bisexual #transgender #intersex #pansexual #asexual #polysexual #lgbt #queer

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erforschen · 5 years

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Hey, so just wanted to make a little update on some things I’ve been thinking for a while.

So basically, it’s kind of a message. Idk what that’s supposed to mean but ya know. Anyway, I’ve just been thinking about the path I’m going down and if it’s the right thing.

So, I’m pretty happy with where I’m at in my life right now. There’s not much to complain about. I mean, of course there are some things I’d like to change but ya know. I’ve just been thinking though about my true passions and where I want to end up in the long run.

I got back from japan not long ago and for some reason it REALLY sparked this sort of travel bug in me.. I know weird. I just didn’t get home sick on the trip and stuff. So, when I went to Sweden in 2018 I was PRETTY homesick and I kind of told myself that I want to stay close to home and stuff. So I planned on starting at the university close to home in 2019 and working on acting in the meantime. So this past year I’ve been going to auditions and stuff like that. I also got a new manager. For quite a while I’ve been really inspired to act and become a famous actor. It’s the thing I’ve been working on my whole life ya know. So I got this new manager and I’ve gone to a bunch of auditions without much success. So back to the travel bug. Now, right when I got back I read a vagabond book, and then I’ve watched a lot of Damon and jo recently. It’s all made me think about how my true passion is travel and how I would really love to be like a travel YouTuber type person like them. Just because, I crave the experiences of living abroad and making memories and not being bound to an agent or acting career or something. I can just do what I want on my terms and make money doing what I truly love. Traveling, learning languages and inspiring people to do the same. It probably sounds dumb written on here but right now I know what I’m talking about.

I leave to France in a couple days because I’m gonna take French classes for a month. I’ll be staying in an Airbnb by myself. It’ll be a little taste of studying abroad. It’s just, I wish I could actually study abroad. I feel like I’m independent and mature enough to do it now. Whereas where I was at last year, not so much. That version of myself made the decision to go to school close to home. I mean, I’m glad I’m going to school close to home. I think it’s gonna be fun and it’s safe. The reason I’m really staying close to home though it for acting. But I’m having such a hard time cause it’s like, is acting really what I want to do? Is that really who I want to be? I’ve also been wanting to make music or things like that. I don’t know, the prospect of a lot of fame is kind of not very desirable to me lately, though at the same time I crave it. I feel like the acting world has just been cringey if you know what I mean. And it gets in the way of what I like doing. I mean, I guess it’s a good problem to have. I just don’t like going to auditions and stuff. And sure, I do enjoy working on movies and stuff and there are certain roles I’d love to play, but I feel like acting itself is not like a *very* strong passion? Like there are other things I enjoy doing more. I want to let go of it but at the same time I’m afraid and I can’t imagine ever letting go (like what? Are you crazy?)

Also, regarding school, I’m planning on studying multimedia to be a director or something, but is that what I want to do? I don’t want to end up like some of the boring freelance filmmaker people we know. I haven’t felt really inspired lately with filmmaking stuff either. Like I try but I just don’t feel good at it. Maybe I’ll feel inspired with other art forms.

There are also so many other things I’d like to do as a side hussle (photography, etc.)

It’s weird, I just feel like I’m not very good at the things I like doing lately. Like editing videos or making music or taking pictures, etc. hopefully going to classes and being around people there will inspire me.

IM JUST SO CONFLICTED WITH EVERYTHING. Ugh.

Lately I’ve just felt inspired to be like Damon and jo (oh also I saw jade’s YouTube video about Minerva and that fueled it too)

I really want to study/live abroad and learn languages and create things that inspire people, and to get recognition for it.

Now, I don’t know if my opinions will change. Probably I guess.

I guess I’m thinking before my birthday again. I just want to start being true to myself and not living my life how other people would want me to. I just read a past thing on here and I said “future me, if you’re reading this I hope things have turned out like you want them to” or something like that... and I’m thinking... well, are they? Am I doing the right things. I mean right now I think what I’m doing is great, but am I putting my time in the right places? Like acting and school here. Like is acting really gonna go anywhere? Do I want it to go anywhere? Should I really be studying abroad instead? Or at least next year? I guess we’ll see. Btw there’s a role that I was offered. It’s supposed to film next summer in New York so that’s cool. Guess we’ll see what comes of that. Right now I’m just excited to be going to France for a month. I think college is gonna be pretty fun too. When it comes down to it, I’m happy with what I’m doing. I’m being productive. But I’m I *going* in the right direction? Am I setting myself up for the long term that I want?

7.4.19

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epb-archive · 7 years

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Okay, this is me trying not to care too much about Brighter by Wingit on Ao3 or @wing--it on tumblr (and failing miserably)

DISCLAIMER: Everything is my opinion and is in no way attempting to bash other fic writers because writing is hard and everyone that put their personal time into doing this and sharing fics with people over the internet deserves praise and to feel proud of what they’ve written. For this reason I won’t be naming any other fics aside from Brighter because that’s the focus and #Boost Ur Fandom Writers ya feel

DISCLAIMER 2.0: I realized I told @wing--it that i’d have a meta done for their fic except I realized I’m not entirely sure what Meta is so I’m probably not good at it wow this is long im sorry okay let’s do this thing

Actually as I’m writing this, I realize it’s just going to turn into a giant ass review for Brighter and I don’t know how I feel about that but @wing--it hi, i love your fic, we’ve been over this right? Under the cut this goes. (contains mild spoilers for Brighter but I’m trying not to say everything outright)

Brighter is a Victuri fanfic that is by far one of the best I’ve read in terms of storyline, characterization, conflict, and angst revolving around that conflict.

Starting with storyline, Brighter is a godsend fic that gives that good ass almost immediately after the GPF life for Victuri. So the two of them figuring out their relationship and working out how to live together in a more intimate sense (that being on their own and not constantly surrounded by Yuuri’s family and the patrons of Yu-Topia). Now, there are some other good ass fics that also have the lives in St. Petersburg and that do this shit well (actually, I appreciate every fic out there, shout out to all fic writers yall are doing gods work) BUT something different that stands out about Brighter is how the storyline isn't just focused on Yuuri Katsuki.

Honestly, at the most current point (10 chapters in, updated last on the 8th of June) the two main characters are NOT Victor and Yuuri, but Yuuri and Yuri which is??? Possibly one of the few fics I’ve seen where these two are the main focus while still having the fic be Victuri centered. Like without getting too much into Yuri’s storyline for the sake of spoilers (though it’s kind of revealed in chapter 3 or 4 i think, pretty early on) This fic, by far, has some of the best characterization of Yuri P that I’ve ever seen.

Which is saying a lot because I will often stop reading a fic because of how they characterize Yura (especially if he’s a major recurring character in the fic). Yura does play a huge part in this fic in terms of his own character development and conflict (godddd I just really fucking love his story line) and Tash!!!!!! Gives a solid reason why Yura would be “”angsty”” 24/7 and h*ck!!! It’s just ugh!!! Everyone knows, if you’ve gone through your angry teenager phase, it’s so incredibly difficult to stay mad 24/7 unless something’s happened or something’s happening (mental illness notwithstanding) and like just godddd. Okay??? Okay. So Anyways, Yura opens up to Yuuri (eventually) and friendship happens and honestly out of this entire fic Yuuri and Yuri’s friendship is my favorite. Like yes, this includes Victor and Yuuri’s relationship or Victor and anyone else or any of the characters combines. I just think Tash did such an amazing job working with Yuri in the fic and I’m already emotional this is a mess I’m sorry.

Okay, So that’s Yuri’s character. On to Victor’s. I think Tash does a beautiful job having Victor adjust to life loving someone. Like here, we have a guy who’s spent his entire life trying to please and surprise so many people, like aside from splurge stuff, what has Victor done for himself? When going off that logic (and like the 50 in depth tumblr posts about this) Brighter is so beautiful in his characterization. Because it starts with Victor and Yuuri being soooo in love and everything’s perfect!!! For exactly .2 seconds

Because everyone knows that’s not how relationship work and people have to work together and have conflicts and allow room for being human together. (And dont get me wrong, I am just as likely to read a 50k coffee shop au with 0 conflict because I enjoy not hurting). Anyways, Victor’s characterization is essentially him trying to figure out how to be genuine (and failing on multiple occasions) and just him trying to teach himself that he doesn’t have to do what he thinks Yuuri would like to get him to stay because Yuuri loves him and they’re in this for the long run but still Victor IS STRUGGLING to figure this out. Tash just. God. Tash just does this so well.

And Victor. He’s also subject to his own anxieties but in a different way from Yuuri and??? Like the fact that he’s throwing himself back into his career after a year break and to go back to his way of surprising people and then coaching Yuuri and choreographing short programs for him, yuuri, and yuri too (i think he was doing 3 short programs anyways). The ice skating portion of this fic is so fucking important, which of course it is, in an anime about ice skating of course it’s fucking important but what I mostly mean is that it doesn’t necessarily take second to the romance in the fic with is easy to do. The Ice skating and the romance are like on par with each other with the only vaguely second plot line being Yuri’s story line which is :,,,) still

Anyways I just fucking love this okay I’m so sorry this got off track I’m not even done yet but please, read Brighter.

Last on characterization is of course, the main character, Yuuri Katsuki. Alright, I just h*cking love Yuuri in this fic. Like?? He’s so understanding and doesn’t deserve half the shit he’s gone through because if!!! SOME PEOPLE just TALKED IT OUT1!!!!!! Maybe. But no. Tash’s way of writing Yuuri is one of the ones that I appreciate the most. His way of dealing with things (which is to overthink then not solve anything) or his way of sherlocking through other people’s problems (see: Yuri P see: Victor N) His insecurities are all #relatable and just, Idk how to talk about this because i really can only say how perf i think tash did with him and that’s nonsensical imo anyways yuuri in brighter is like best yuuri hi i would die for him to be happy

For Brighter, the conflict and the angst go hand in hand (though tash has been hinting at things getting more painful in the next update and i’m not ready but :,,,) ya kno) and so without spoiling anything I just want to say that the conflict/angst is different in a way that it’s something that doesn’t seem improbable and is just 100% believable like past the characterization in the fic, I could almost 100% see this happening in canon which is a weird feeling and idk if the movie turns out to have any of these problems I’m gonna pay Tash like $20 or something (so open ur paypal now cause I have a feeling). Specifically here I’m talking about the conflict between Victor and Yuuri (not necessarily Yura’s because that’s something I definitely don’t want to happen but god it makes for some really good ass story telling and background on a character).

For Victor and Yuuri, it’s a matter of being honest about one’s feelings and just you know, um, telling the truth and not saying what you think someone else wants to hear. Which doesn’t really sound hard or difficult at all but here we have Victor who’s done everything for other people up to recently in his career and has probably never been so deeply in love as he is with Yuuri right now so he’s confused and I’ll give him that. HOWEVER, sometimes, Victor just needs to have a little more faith in Yuuri’s feelings for him.

The same goes for Yuuri though, the conflict isn’t 100% Victor’s fault. Some of the blame is deff Yuuri’s and Yuuri’s anxiety (which is essentially a whole nother Yuuri except darker with idk maybe a goatee and constant bad ideas). But also you can’t blame a character for being anxious and stuff and really I’m not ragging on Victor for this but I also don’t think Yuuri’s entirely to blame here? Like I’m so bad at meta okay I’m sorry buT I think to a degree they both have insecurities and doubts that are straining the relationship. They really do try to work through things but on Yuuri’s side, he almost always links the problems back to himself and in term him not being able to satisfy Victor like sexually and emotionally I THINK. Like…….. Okay I can’t go into it because I’m not sure how to put what I’m thinking into words

Another point I cannot stress enough and can’t actually find a good place to put in even tho this was number 1 on the list of things I wanted to talk about in here is This conflict is seriously all good conflict. Brighter has character’s growing and developing and just. Nothing seems forced or out of place?? Like it wasn’t just put there in order for there to be something wrong. Actually I think i did mention this but I cannot stress enough how much the conflict in brighter just fucking makes sense!!!!! I’m actually repeating myself I know but seriously my favorite part…. Second favorite part after Yuri’s characterization is how good the conflict and problems Yuuri and Victor have are. Like they’re honest to god relationship things and fuck!!!!!!!!! It’s so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But essentially, Yuuri and Victor need to have a good oldfashioned talk but that’s not going to happen because Tash is about to rip out our hearts and I’m ready for once.

Alright, that’s been my not meta. I’m sorry @wing--it if you’re on mobile and cant read under the cut, it exists and also I’m sorry that this got so long……. But you know i told you!!!! It was gonna be long I just really fucking love brighter and i cannot express that enough. I tried to be coherent here in talking about all the things I enjoyed and I definitely missed something like the JJ conflict but this is almost 2k in length and I’m really embarrassed bcos of how passionate I am about this.

tl;dr: just read Brighter for fucks sakes, that’s all I want. More people to read brighter and scream about the character(ization)s and just heck!!!!!

#i speak #yoi #victuri #wing--it #tash this turned out to be 1.8k im sorry #@ my followers pls read brighter and scream at tash abt it like ??????? revolutionary #double @ tash i really am sorry this got so long god this is embarrassing

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awesimz · 7 years

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Episode 1: New Beginnings and Bitter Disapointments

Welcome to my brand new Sims 3 Challenge: The Amazon Challenge. Some of you might recognize my username or maybe just my style of legacy storytelling from the Iridescence Legacy, which unfortunately now has so many damn problems (corrupt save file, deleted photos from both online and off) that there’s really no salvaging it anymore. And on my last generation too - I was so convinced I was going to finally finish one, but alas, lol. Anyway, I decided to move from LJ to here because of the BS anti-LGBT TOS they’re implementing, but it was probably a good idea anyway as tumblr seems a bit more popular with the simming community nowadays :)

Anyway, let’s dive right in, shall we?

Meet our Founder, Xena. Yes, I know Xena was not an Amazon but listen, I am obsessed anyway and besides, she was fucking tall enough to be one, lol. Regardless, our tribe leader Xena has a much different personality anyway, and is a brave and flirty diva who is both a perfectionist and athletic. Her LTW is Perfect Mind, Perfect Body.

Oh yes, and she is also a werewolf, and the tattoo on her back is representative of her royal bloodline and position as the head of the pack tribe. As such, a heiress must also be a werewolf that has the most ‘approved’ traits listed on the challenge. That means someone who might become heiress can also be knocked from their rank by a younger sibling that is more worthy than the previous.

But moving on, no tribe would be complete without at least one male slave to do all of the dirty work so our Warrior Princess Queen never has to lift a finger to do literally anything, lol.

Xena: Hello, I am interested in speaking to your owner. Is she around?

Thornton: I’m sorry... my what? Xena: Oh, nevermind. I don’t know why I bother to speak to the help anyway, you all end up having a lower IQ than a bloody moth.

Xena: Hello, I am interested in procuring your male servant for the purposes of furthering the betterment of my Amazonian Tribe. Morgana: You... mean my husband? Xena: If that’s what you kids call slaves now a days, sure.

Morgana: Wait, so you mean to tell me that you would take my annoying husband off my hands and leave me with his immense fortune? Yeah, yeah... I can picture that happening.

Morgana: Yup, actually that sounds absolutely perfect. Have at it, and tell him to not bother saying goodbye because he was nothing more than a sugar daddy anyway. Xena: Lovely. Pleasure doing business with you.

Xena: Alright, Daor, now that I’ve shaved those awful sideburns off your face and put you in an outfit more fit for a slave, I now require you to build me an abode. Get to it! Daor: Wait, what? Daor? My name is-- Xena: I’m sorry, did I stutter? I’ll call you whatever I damn well please, now do what I say before I decide you’re not worth my effort and procure a different slave!

Don’t get too attached to this shit - I end up moving them to a different town eventually since originally I wanted them in isla paradiso but my game was acting weird. I eventually fixed the issue though, but we’ll get to that later.

Since I don’t allow my Tribe Leader to work because honestly, a Queen should never have to work a day in their lives lmao, and since slaves can’t work either, they’re pretty effing poor and I make Daor collect shit on the regular just so they can make a little bit of money, haha.

He seems to enjoy it though. Ah, the simple pleasures in life.

Xena found a friend as well! I decided he is now the tribe’s mascot and named him Guapo, lol.

Daor is working on his gardening skills as well because, again, they are poor as fucking dirt.

He also fishes, but he kinda sucks at it. I mean honestly, how is that tiny thing supposed to feed anyone? Ugh. Men.

Anyway, an Amazonian Tribe isn’t complete without more women, so I sent Xena out to scour the town for their first recruit, who ended up being easily impressed, a natural cook, ambitious, and a daredevil who had commitment issues.

Xena: Hello there, you look utterly helpless and in need of a direction in life. May I interest you in joining my Amazonian tribe? Lesbianism is not required but heavily encouraged - just not with me because let’s face it, I’m way out of your league right now it’s not even funny.

Random Woman: Oh wow, I’m super flattered; I’ve never been a lesbian before! By the way, my name is– Xena: Why do people keep trying to tell me their names? No, I don’t care. Your name is Euryleia now. Learn to love it, because I don’t have time to listen to incessant whining over tribal names.

Xena: By the way, you’re going to have fix... all of that if you ever plan to move up in rank. We are vain by nature, or maybe I’m just a superficial bitch by nature, but either way. You’re going to have to go get yourself a job though, because we can’t afford your damn gym membership right now.

Euryleia: I will go get a job right away then, Mistress! Xena: Good. I like people who can take direction. Also people who call me mistress. That will be allowed to continue, by the way.

So Euryleia went out and got herself a part time job, as that is all that is allowed at her rank. The money is still shit, but at least it’s better than nothing.

He is literally the worst slave ever, lol.

As punishment for burning the food, I made a starving Daor stand way in the back and watch everyone else eat the food that he finally managed to make halfway decent.

Xena: You know what would be better than this place? An island. Euryleia: I agr-- Xena: I’m sorry, did I say I was asking for opinions? I’m just musing right now, so eat your food and stay silent.

I took pity on Daor and let him eat a mushroom, even though he looks like he’s trying to smoke it, haha.

The next day the two Amazons hit the gym so Xena could work on her LTW and Euryleia could attempt to lose a little bit of weight so she could move up in rank at some point.

Xena: Oh stop whining, it’s not that difficult! Euryleia: But Mistress, my legs are not cooperating!

Who the fuck just leaves their newborn baby on the floor of the gym?

Xena: Actually, that’s not a bad id--

No, that is not how you’re going to get rid of your male children. Hush.

GUYS GUYS IT LOOKS LIKE ARGO! (people who have never seen xena are probably like wtf are you on about but trust me this is awesome, lol)

Xena: So I’ve been thinking about moving somewhere with some sun 24/7. Thoughts?

Euryleia: Oh yes, Mistress, I adore sun!

Xena: Good, cause honestly the thought of having to buy you all outerwear so you can survive the winter didn’t sound like a fun idea to me. We leave in the morning.

Yeah, I put a lot more effort into this lot. I won’t show you the insides of the houses though, as I totally prioritized the outside over the inside right now, lol. Everything is pretty bare and minimal.

Guapo finally got a cage though!

And Daor gets... a tent. Lmao.

Xena: I have to say, Euryleia, I commend you on your progress. You have lost a significant amount of weight and as I am a vain asshole, this is something I care greatly about because I only give a shit about people’s appearances and not who they are on the inside.

Euryleia: Oh thank you, Mistress, I am flattered! Does that mean you might consider me as a potential mate or, better yet, an occasional fuck buddy because commitment is for old people and religious folk? Xena: ...Don’t push it.

DAOR HOW ARE YOU THIS FUCKING USELESS JFC

At least Xena’s brave enough to put it out.

Xena: That’s right, I’m just your everyday hero. With fantastic guns.

Xena: I am so sick of you! One more misstep and I will drown you in the sacrificial well! Daor: But... we don’t have a sacrificial well. Xena: I. Will. Build. One. Daor: *gulps*

If we could ever afford it, anyway.

Moving on though, another thing that a tribe needs is heirs, and for that we need a disposable piece of man meat.

Xena: You look like you have decent enough genes, how would you feel about a one night stand to get me pregnant with a female heiress for my Amazon tribe that you would have zero commitment in raising?

Harley: No strings attached sex? I’m in!

Xena: Good, I like men that are compliant. Meet me at your house in an hour.

Lol this house screams dude bro.

After their rough and tumble in bed, I sent Xena off to hunt as a werewolf because honestly, they’re still poor as hell and need stuff to sell, lol.

She didn’t find anything though, so I decided maybe the scuba skill might help. However somethings weird with my game and I realized that even with a high enough skill she can’t go actual scuba diving as all my community lots just say ‘community lots’ without names for some reason? If anyone knows how to fix it, help would be appreciated. Also some of the unoccupied houses say community lots too. Idk wtf is up but I’m sure its some kind of mod conflict *sigh*

...Appetizing. On the plus side though, a baby is on the horizon!

Euryleia: Oh Mistress, our first tribe daughter, I’m so excited! I’ll start preparing right away for her birth!

Euryleia desperately needs to move up in rank, so I sent her to the library to learn some skills so she could end up being a Provider instead.

Euryleia: Mistress! Since you and I are now friendly and I have enough skills and the personality to become a Provider for this noble tribe, I was wondering if you could promote me? If you do, I’ll be sure to get a career ASAP so we can start making some real money in preparation for the baby!

Xena: ‘Money’ is the magic word, Euryleia. You have my permission.

So Euryleia went downtown and got herself a job in the Culinary Career, since Daor sucks at making food anyway so it’d be good they got someone else to do that chore, lmao.

Xena: Good lord, it feels like my insides are being torn to shreds!

Xena: Wtf? This isn’t what I ordered!

How disappointing, lol. This is Aeolus though, and his traits are easily impressed and excitable. Don’t get too attached.

Xena: Harley? Get the fuck down here, we have a problem. Also bring some tools; I’m going to need you to help my slave build a sacrificial well.

Euryleia: Mistress, I know you aren’t fond of boys, but maybe we shouldn’t... you know, kill it? It’s still a baby, after all. And Harley still has decent genes, so maybe you should give him another chance? You could still get a beautiful girl out of him and if you don’t...

Xena: If I don’t, then I kill them! Euryleia: I meant maybe you could just banish all of them from the tribe, but I of course will not argue with your judgement, oh divine one.

Xena: That’s right, I am your God. Worship me.

Xena: Alright look, you fucked up. You fucked up royally. BUT you still have decent genes, so I’m going to give you another chance to give me a baby girl.

Xena: Because if you do not, I will drown you in the sacrificial well I will soon have built and all your sons go into slavery. Understood?

Harley: But... what happened to no strings attached? Xena: That was if you managed to give me a girl, which you did not. Now, you are in charge of that disgusting thing inside and will live here as a slave until I bear my next child. If it’s a girl, you and your son go free. If not... well, I already covered that.

Xena: Now, get the fuck inside and impregnate me the proper way before my patience runs out.

Will their next child be a girl, or will Harley’s lifespan be shorter than expected? Stay tuned to find out!

#the sims 3 #ts3 #legacy challenge #amazon challenge #simblr #legacy: soturi

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asagimeta · 7 years

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Teen Wolf 6x09- “Memory Found” - Observations And Predictions

(Clever title Teen Wolf)

Hello my dudes, welcome to meta night! I cannot tell you how glad I am that this episode had alot of filler in it and gave a bit of a break from the really heavy meta, most of what we have tonight is very charector-centric, not so much mythology, I'm glad for that because I know next week will give us more- ALOT more, a ton more even- because it's the season finale' (for 6A atleast) and there's always alot of stuff to talk about for that reason alone, so we get a nice calm before the storm here, plus, as with most Tuesday nights, I'm recovering from a headache (I swear it isn't the meta, I have some kind of food allergy that keeps getting me because I usually bring food home on Tuesdays and I haven't yet distinguished exactly what's triggering me so I keep ending up afflicting myself :| ) so the fact that this one ISN'T going to keep me up until eight in the morning (I hope) is a very welcome change, and because I don't want this stretching out for six hours, let's get to it shall we?

You know, from a completely personal standpoint, I always get a little excited to see hypnossis in media, especially in places like Teen Wolf where it's handled pretty well, ofcourse when I went through MY hypnotic regressions I always got a comfy chair rather than a dangerous, freezing ice box... *cough*

Ok, who else noticed the sheriff's sudden intuition? He says "I'll consider asking Theo for help when I don't have a station full of armed deputies to back me up" and then IMMEDIATELY opens the doors to the station and finds every single deputy gone, that is some Stiles level intuitive work right there, we had talked last week about the sheriff being Something- the same Something that Stiles is- with how much strength he had to summon Claudia, now that she's no longer around to suppress him, his powers are flourishing, plus remember that Stiles' power relies on BELEIF, the sheriff himself is finally relying on that beleif too (in Stiles, he's finally believing and even stronger than that he's believing in the believer) wich has caused an obvious surge in his intuition- a really HUGE surge at that, from the description to the timing, everything about this is SCREAMING "Stiles", the only question is, how much of this is Stiles' power being influenced through the sheriff, and how much is the sheriff drawing on his own power?

Speaking of awesome sheriff stuff, the tease of Theo and that key card is the best thing I've seen in EONS!! I was teasingly telling my mom throughout the entire thing that the sheriff should make Theo dance before letting him out (a fun game we like to play on my dad when he gets locked out of the house) but forcing him to talk about Stiles was ///EVEN. BETTER.//// And we obviously see where Stiles gets those wits, I'm glad he tested Theo first, even moreso because he was such a tease about it~

As sad as I am that the sheriff got poofed early in the episode (because it would have been pretty great to see him actually in action against the riders with Theo and Liam for atleast more than five minutes) atleast he, hopefully, is with Stiles now, and that should make them both feel better

Liam and Theo having car trouble... sounds suspiciously similar to the issues Stiles usually has, and sure enough, when their conflict starts to resolve the car trouble does too...

Ok so I'm just going to be honest here, I find it odd that Scott's FIRST memory of Stiles is, of all things, one of the only times Stiles has ever called him out on anything- and, possibly, the FIRST time he's ever called him out on anything (and I mean a real call-out, not a "Dude you suck at math oh my God" kind of a thing) why is that? Of all the memories, all of the GREAT memories, why was Scott only remembering the bad ones until Lydia gave him direction? And why would that one be first? If he was going to have a bad Stiles memory first, why THAT one instead of him abandoning Stiles in the rain or Stiles shoving him in the hospital? Why that one specifically? The pessimist in me says it's Stydia related but that feels wrong too, there were plenty of other moments where there was clear Stydia wile also being related to Sciles- and even BAD moments like that, it just seemed like a really odd choice... and the thing with Scott remembering only the bad things first is a double-sided coin, on the one hand that's GOOD because he's getting a splash of cold water in the face about their relationship, a reflection from a very fresh point of veiw on things, one of those "You don't notice until it's gone" moments where he's seeing in his reflection of their time together just how *MUCH* Stiles reached for him in their relationship, Scott has always occupied the relationship high ground in that he's really very confident in his relationship with Stiles, Stiles could go off to Japan for three weeks and come back with a girlfreind and a billion dollars and Scott wouldn't have a moment of hesitation in reasserting himself as "The Best Freind" and feeling comfortable that Stiles still thought of him that way, Stiles, however, could never do that, if Scott went off to Little Japan in Ebcott for three hours and came back with a snowcone and three dollars he found on the sidewalk Stiles would still be timid about where he stands, reaching desperately for reassurance that nothing had changed, and these are exaggerations yes but they're not really far off, everytime we see Scott move in a direction away from Stiles in the series, we see Stiles scramble after him and reach as hard as he can to keep a hold on Scott so he doesn't get left behind, whereas Scott offers very limited reassurance throughout the series, whereas Stiles, on the other hand, can move three paces away from Scott and Scott not even notice it, he rarely needs reassurance but Stiles is always very quick to give it to him anyway, I think Scott is finally seeing that- especially with the reiteration of the Motel California scene (ugh my heart)- and that's FANTASTIC, it's a really great way to give us a nod to them closing the gap between their respective personal grounds in the relationship, on the other hand though (finally) I have the sneaking suspicion that if the roles were reversed Stiles' memories would start off with Scott's Greatest Hits, all of the BEST moments between them where Stiles felt closest to Scott, and it just.... confuses the hell out of me why Scott would go *completely to the negative* right up until Lydia actually instructs him to go for the positive- and even when he DOES what counts as "positive" isn't a happy memory t all, it's a necessary one, but there's no summoning a patronus from it, that's for sure

Speaking of positive Sciles however, Stiles was looking for a place for them to live together after graduation, BE. STILL. MY. HEART. Fun fact, before I actually got into Sterek I borderline shipped Sciles because- even though I OTP'd Stydia back then- I thought if they were going to put Stiles with a guy it would be Scott hands down, so these little moments sort of make me really freaking happy, although I think this is news for Scott, I don't really know why but I got the vibe that he hadn't really been *helping* Stiles for that apartment search- or hadn't even known about it, possibly, and ofcourse as PRECIOUS as this entire thing is it does raise a few meta questions, mostly what Stiles plans on *doing* after highschool, because the way we left it in season five I thought he had grown past his Plan of "Everyone has to stick together no matter what and I'm going to punch my own brain to make it work", I thought he had found some resolution in that and settled with the idea that they could still all be close with eachother without being, you know, physically close with eachother, and it seemed to me like Scott's college of choice was one of the major kinks in Stiles' plan, did he decide to just roll with Scott and let there be more distance between them and the girls? Does he plan on following Scott to college? What about what his dad said with law enforcement? Is he going to do that or no? (I don't know how colleges work at all- and I honestly don't *care* either- but vet school and law school/the police academy are two different things right? Isn't Scott going to a vet school right away?) Are they actually going to live in/closer to Beacon Hills? Is Stiles going to live with Scott but still do his own thing career wise? That would be my first choice in how that plays out honestly, but then I'm shamelessly //severely picky// about my ideas for what Stiles does after highschool in terms of where he lives, his career, his romantic life... *cough* so I'm starting to sink more into fanon than meta so I'm gonna stop, but seriously though, on a meta standpoint, I'd like to know what his plan is for this, because I felt like there was alot of development in season five with him letting go of his Plan/letting go of his desperation to be near Scott and going his own way, so if I find out that that isn't actually true and he's just following Scott to school I'm actually going to be really sad about it, I had hoped Stiles had grown out of that- although he may have been pushed back in a little by the "Welcome to law enforcement" thing, wich I STILL think was more of a curse than a blesssing- so I'm just hoping that he's planning to live with Scott somewhere near enough to Scott's school and near enough to whatever Stiles is doing so that there's still a degree of seperation for him, there's still the maturity of letting go of his need to be glued to Scott's hip wile being able to say "We CAN live together and I WANT to live together so we should", there's a biiiiig difference between ///that/// and what Stiles was alluding to in 5x01, I guess the good thing is that he said an apartment, not a dorm, if they were sharing the same school they'd probably get a dorm right? Those have to be cheaper than apartments? (Again I wouldn't know so I'm shooting blind here) But I'm going to leave it for now because I could turn this into fanfic way too easily

*mutters quietly under my breath* I still hate Theo ok? I just feel like it's important that I say that

I also feel like it's important for me to point out that it gives me a personal shot of happiness that they actually mentioned the stairwell visualization because I'm not sure if that's the most common thing in hypnosis or what but that's always how my sessions started out so yay

My mom: "I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say it, there's something oddly attractive about them (the riders), if you block out the face" It isn't meta but I found it important anyway

What was the title of Malia's first memory book? The best I could see was that I thought it had "Wolffe" written on it but I could be mistaken

I do wonder why Scott's memory didn't do anything at all and I think it's just because they wasted so much time getting the formula right that he didn't have time for it to do anything, because if both Lydia and Malia triggered *something* and Scott got dead air just because Stiles is least important to him out of the three or some nonsense like that... then that really does suck, and I don't mean in a way of it sucks for Scott, I mean as a fan of the show it really sucks that Stiles' BROTHER couldn't conjure so much as a tremor when Malia and Lydia could, I know they want to push Stalia and Stydia (especially Stydia) but if you're honestly telling me that Scott's connection to Stiles is less than their's I'm very much done, I may not always agree with how Scott treats Stiles, and I think it's very clear that Stiles is the one who always clings to Scott rather than the other way around, and yes, Scott does take his sweet, sweet time //noticing things// but... none of that negates the fact that their relationship has been immensely close since before the series even started, even if it IS largely Stiles -> Scott, I refuse to believe that Scott's most emotional memory of Stiles was so weak in his heart that it did nothing, so I'm really hoping it's just because they spent so much time screwing around with the formula that it didn't have time to work

Real hypnosis, I'm here for that

I love Scott's little "You smoked when you were ten?" line, harkens back to "My mom does all the grocery shopping", but I also found it interesting that Lydia went to a hypnotist back then, it's very odd, Natalie I-Don't-Like-Anything-Not-Purely-Scientific Martin not only went to a hypnotist for herself, but for her daughter? And over a little thing like chewing her nails? Hypno-therapy is really expensive and is something that you usually require boosters for, it isn't a once-and-done thing, for her to go to that length... either Lydia's nail biting was REALLY bad, wich, to be fair, I can see.... or she only TOLD Lydia she went there for nail biting, after all, hypno-therapy may be mostly used for bringing back forgotten memories, but that doesn't mean it can't be used for forgetting unwanted memories, in theory atleast, maybe that memory she suppressed of her grandmother in Eichen was suppressed due to hypnotherapy, or maybe Lydia saw something ELSE back then that her mother wanted to hide... I'm getting a very Clary Fairchild vibe here....

So shooting the Riders with their own guns DOES, in fact, kill them.... and yet neither Liam nor Theo thought to pick up the guns and take them with them...? Did either of them even pay attention to the fact that these unkillable hunters were, you know, DEAD? I can understand Liam but I really did expect more out of Theo here

Other than that I'm so excited for Stiles next week!!! He gets his bat back <3 <3 <3

Also, if you haven't heard via Melissa Ponzio, Teen Wolf started filming again yesterday, last I heard they had filmed episode four before doing 6x10 and then going on winter break, so they should be picking up at episode five right now, unfortunately, we don't know anything else besides that- and even that's guess work, they might be shooting out of order to use Dylan as much as they can before he goes back to Maze Runner next month, we don't know if he's filming right now but there's nothing to say he isn't, and they might very well be trying to milk him for all he's worth and just shooting all of his scenes in the next two or three weeks until he has to go back to TMR, sadly, we don't know

#Teen Wolf #season six speculation

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