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dcxdpdabbles · 9 months

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Cave Boy Danny calls Batman’s costume uncool and the bats lose their minds over it. Also Alfred would totally spoil him in nostalgia. (Maybe by making the batfam let Danny out of the cage…?)

Danny tries his best not to stare at his perceived counterpart or any of the children, convinced he's their dad as a kid. He's not doing an excellent job of it, though, seeing as his eyes flickered around the room against his will.

It's almost as if the more he tries not to stare, the more he glances. It's so weird that Bruce looks precisely what he imagines Dan Phantom would have looked like if he had a human side. Knowing that Bruce and Dan look alike does not settle his nerves.

It makes him feel even more weary of the older man.

He was curious to know if they were the same person because he had made up the name Bruce on the spot since it was the most boring name Danny could think of. Yet, the DNA results showed they were the same person, not due to cloning. He knew what clones' DNA looked like from personal experience.

Especially since Bruce- why did it have to be such a boring, stupid name? Why couldn't he still be named Danny? His own clone kept his name for Pete's sake!- was sending out major Fruitloop vibes.

Not only was he rich with a secret lab underneath his house and dressed in a weird bat costume, but oh no, Bruce ate pizza with a fork and a knife.

Danny's eyes flicker over to the man just as he cuts another piece of his pepperoni pizza without a single movement wasted. He doesn't even look like he's doing it as a joke- no, the man is regal, dabbing his mouth with a napkin every third bite.

What a freak. Danny thinks, folding his pizza slice in half so he can stuff most of it in his mouth in one giant bite. Two of the teenagers gasped as though they just witnessed a natural disaster.

"Philistine." Damian- his counterpart's youngest- hisses. He's glaring at Danny, obviously trying to insult him, but Danny has dealt with bullies all his life. The kid is far too polite in his insults. Damian wouldn't last a day in public schools' playgrounds, that's for sure.

Danny looks him dead in the eye, still chewing, eyes wide and earnest, and responds with a cheerful "Gesundheit."

Damian's face clouds over in disgust. "Do you even know what that means?"

"Philistine is an uncultured person who is hostile or indifferent to the arts." Danny recites without missing a beat. He gives the other boy a pitying frown. "If you don't know the definitions of words, maybe you shouldn't use them. Might get you in trouble one day"

Damian throws a knife at him with a cry of outrage. Danny is not ready for said knife, but his ghost reflections have him moving to the right just in time for the blade to miss his head and impale itself on the back chair of his seat.

It does, however, nick his neck a little. Danny lets out what he hopes is an appropriate scream in response to the pain. He doesn't want them to know about his real name, much less his powers, but it's hard to have proper reaction times when he could already feel his healing ability numb the pain seconds after it happens.

It felt like a small prick of a sticker while walking barefooted in the grass- quick and sharp but over quickly.

Danny blinks at the table for a solid three seconds, before tilting his head as far back as it could go in his seat and letting out an even monotone cry of "aahhhhhhhhhh!"

He wishes he was better under pressure because it felt like he was attempting to impersonate a toad.

"Young Master Bruce!" Alfred- the butler that raised Bruce in their world? So his counter-parts foster dad?- cries out in alarm. He springs up from his seat, rounding the table to be at his side in seats. "My dear boy, are you alright? Does it hurt? Shall I bring the medical kit?"

Danny stops his monotone cry to blink up at the man. "I'm okay. I'm just dramatic."

Alfred's face spams before it settles in a nostalgic, fond expression. "Oh, the memories."

"Leaping Lizards, Batman," Tim whispers, gripping his fork so hard it's bending. He has a manic glint in his eye, with a smile so wide it's splitting his face in two. "Is this what Bruce was like at our age?"

"Yes, Master Bruce did have a very similar personality to our guest".

"I thought Ollie was kidding when he said Bruce was the weirdest kid in school," Dick speaks up, his face reflecting massive glee. "Does this mean it's also true he would tell people he would date them if they could beat him in a fight?"

"Yes. Alfred told me that was the only way I would be allowed to date before eighteen," Bruce speaks up, a hint of a blush appearing on his cheekbones. "I was in a lot of fights."

Alfred laughs, looking far too grandfatherly when he nods. "I would get a call from Gotham Acadamy almost every other day because Master Bruce had fought off would-be suitors. It's why no one bats an eye at his play-boy persona."

"You know what," Jason speaks up, looking thoughtful. "This explains everything about your love life, to be honest."

"Oh, so when you beat up annoying guys hitting on you, it's okay, but when I do it, it's unfair since I have training," Steph complains, making air quotes on the word training.

Bruce frowns at her. "When I was a teenager, I didn't have any of my Bat training, just what Alfred taught me."

"Alfred, the ex-British Secret Service, bulter." She counters.

"Alfred, the ex-medic in the Royal Air Force, bulter," Duke cuts in.

"Alfred, the ex-SAS Commander, Bulter," Dick tasks on with a smile

"Alfred, the ex-Spy Master for the Royal Crown, bulter," Cass cheerfully says.

"Ancients, those poor teenagers," Danny whispers, staring at Alfred in newfound respect and fear. "Did they even have a chance?"

"No, those riff-raff did not" Alfred smiles turning to the older version of Danny. "I do believe Master Bruce once threw Mr.Queen into a dumpster and left him there overnight?"

"I did. Oliver wouldn't accept no as an answer, so I put him in time-out." Bruce responds with a shrug. "If he hadn't been such a crybaby about the black eye, maybe I would have taken him up on his offer to see a movie."

Danny can't believe this. He points an accusing finger at Bruce with an unhinged look of confusion. "You had everyone falling over themselves in a world where bi-sexuality is common, mind you, and you choose to wear the lame-ass weird bat costume by choice? You chose to be uncool when you could have been in the It-Crowd!?"

The Wayne kids choked on their spit as Bruce gaped at him.

"Brucie, you are a riot!" Jason gasps, causing Danny to frown.

"Brucie?"

"Yeah, since there are two of you, I thought calling the smaller one Brucie would make it easier to tell you apart." Jason sighs wiping a tear out of his eye. Next to him, Dick is still howling with laughter.

Danny needs to keep calm and tell them he would not respond to the name Brucie. Instead, he panics and says, "I actually go by Brucie back home. I'm so surprised you know the nickname!"

He needs to get the fuck out of here.

#dcxdpdabbles #dc x dp crossover #Cave Boy #Part 2 #DC would is the gay one #Danny is so offended Bruce choose to not be a A-lister #The weirder Danny is the more Alfred is reminded of baby-Bruce #The batkids are slowly losing all respect for Bruce #Danny is digging himself into a deeper hole

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vaguely-concerned · 8 months

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it probably says something either sad or deeply unfortunate about me as a person, but I'm darkly amused to see some people react to the reveal of the ultimate permeability of souls in tlt as a triumphant thing -- the "you can't take 'loved' away!!!" side of it all -- when my first reaction was such an immediate wave of 'oh, oh so this is why this series is horror, I truly understand now' distress haha. ngl the final confirmation of the self not being inviolable in the deepest way freaks me the fuck out far more than any moment of body horror in the series has managed. (these two elements are of course the two sides of one thematic coin; it's about the horror of our bodies and minds and selves not being inviolable things, and about the effect of violence on them on so many different levels. violence psychological and interpersonal, physical, subtextually sexual, emotional, medical, political, a whole unlovely smörgåsbord of indignity and violation a person can be exposed to, and on a broader scale the spectrum of violence colonialism wields). The world and other people being capable of leaving indelible marks on us for good or ill through their presence in our lives is of course a pretty self-evident demonstrable truth in the real world, but somehow having it be proven metaphysically just uh. Fucks me up!

It also drives home to me just how perfectly Muir has captured the dilemma at the heart of human connection and intimacy: the fact that the thing that gives us life and meaning is also capable of harming us so deeply. the same thing that can be so beautiful — even in a bittersweet, violently transformative form like with the creation of Paul — when done mutually and consensually and compassionately, is the same process that means someone like John can touch someone else's soul and 'after he's put his fingers on something, you'll never find anyone else's fingerprints on it; too much noise'. I think the text itself — the whole series, because to me this is what it is ultimately about, this tension between individuation/self vs. love/connection/enmeshment — is far more ambivalent in its treatment of it than saying it’s inherently a good thing or inherently a bad thing. The only thing it says for sure is that it is always a thing, that thinking you’re ever getting away from it is the height of futility, and that through being alive (or even through being dead lol) it is something you have to engage with in some way no matter what. Contact with other people is deeply necessary — without it we sicken and die. it can be the most beautiful and meaningful thing in a human life, and the most unspeakably horrific. All of these people are searching for some way to be whole, whether in total self-contained sufficiency on their own or in melding with someone else as their ‘other half’, and stumbling around in the dark they reach for each other and score deep wounds into the thing they’re trying to touch even when they don’t mean to. Taken to horrific extremes with the form of lyctorhood John guided his disciples to when they were ‘children — playing in the reflections of stars in a pool of water, thinking it was space’, because while people hurt each other all the time with differing levels of intentionality behind it, what John did was deliberate. It weaponizes the misapprehension of what closeness must be and destroys everyone involved in the process… and all because it leaves John the one sun their ruined lives have left to orbit around, because that’s the closest thing his soul will allow to connection. He doesn’t understand that to truly touch something you have to truly let it touch you back, and then wonders why he’s never satisfied.

‘The horrors of love’ has been memed to death, I know, but… yeah. That is what it is, isn’t it.

#the locked tomb #the locked tomb meta #the unwanted guest #the unwanted guest spoilers #I wrote most of this right after reading tug for the first time but it's been so hard putting exactly what I mean into words #this is my best shot so far haha #I feel like a lot of a people have approached this lil 'revelation' a bit too... idk mechanistically? for my personal taste #I think it's far more thematically and metaphorically true than a scavenging hunt to see who's been rubbing off on who #spiritually. of course. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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possamble · 1 month

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Do you have any headcanons or thoughts about Falin having a crush on Marcille pre-canon? Especially during her later years at the school/the years she was with Laios.

Just full on "awkward and slightly gnc teenage lesbian has a massive crush on the touchy-feely girly girl straight best friend" tropes everywhere. Even better bc it's the "best friend is also the popular girl while lesbian is the slightly ostracized quiet one" dynamic in school. Falin gets so so so good at not having a heart attack every time Marcille gets in her personal space. But she's so resigned to never saying anything bc why would a girl as blinding as Marcille ever like her back. She also doesn't make an effort to get over it either, she's just content to be trapped in that stable dynamic of silently being in love with Marcille while getting to enjoy CLEARLY being Marcille's favourite person. She gets so used to it that it's almost just background noise most of the time-- it would have to be, unless she wanted to be freaking out 24/7 bc Marcille is so goddamn affectionate.

Her feelings also definitely change throughout the time that they're in school together-- at first it was this "whooaaah pretty older girl" puppy crush that you can clearly see developing in the flashbacks we get (I think she doesn't even like... realize her fixation on Marcille is romantic at all until years after it starts, when she's 12-14 ish and all the other girls around her are talking about crushes). But then they get closer, over the years Marcille starts getting really attached and letting down her guard, and Falin gets to see the ridiculous side of her. She gets to calm her down from her tantrums when experiments don't work out, or help her clean up when something explodes in her face. I feel like the progression of her feelings from "schoolgirl infatuation" to "unrequited love" probably almost exactly corresponds to how slowly Marcille goes from trying to keep Falin at a polite but friendly distance (like she does with everyone else) to her facade completely eroding as she becomes her cheerful and ridiculous self again for the first time since her father died.

That's probably the saddest part: Falin knows that she's clearly Marcille's favourite person on the surface level, but she doesn't quite fully grasp the enormity of what that means to Marcille. She doesn't get that she's the person who made the world colorful again for Marcille, that she is the first person outside of Marcille's family to really and truly make her laugh. She just thinks she's the beloved but dinky little short-lived sidekick, one of many that Marcille has had and will have.

Part of it is that, despite Marcille becoming such a clingy and affectionate best friend, I think her initial demeanour already did its damage. You see Falin being super adventurous and weird at first, bringing Marcille berries and other stuff, only to be rebuffed by Marcille exasperatedly saying she's working or looking kind of put off by it. And by the time you see her a little older, shes already quieter and better at masking -- and I'm not saying that that's entirely Marcille's fault (being the weird girl at an all girls academy for almost the entirety of her teenhood must have been brutal, my god) but she definitely learned that she's a potential nuisance to Marcille if she doesn't tone herself down. She learned that Marcille most likely sees her as a weird little kid following her around bc she has no other friends. And for the most part, she was never given any reason to unlearn any of that.

And that all very very smoothly transitions into Marcille being her "first love that was never meant to be anyway" when she leaves the academy. Chapter closed in her mind: she loved and pined from a distance and that was that. Every now and then she'll see another woman with Marcille's build or her shade of hair and be like ":( I miss her..." But then just kinda move on with her day. Same with when she's going through her own spellbook and finds a note that Marcille left her/correction that she made-- she'll smile fondly and reminisce about how much Marcille doted on her, and then move on.

Sometimes she thinks about contacting Marcille but convinces herself that it's too late (she spent too many months focusing on getting Laios healthy again and didn't mean to go no contact, but ah well). It's only when she has a practical reason to be reaching out that would also benefit Marcille ("Marcille is studying dungeons and we need a trustworthy mage to go with us to the dungeons") that she feels like she's allowed/that it wouldn't just be 100% a nuisance.

I almost think she didn't expect Marcille to reply at all, only to get a telegraph (or some in-universe equivalent of express mail, maybe magical pigeon carrier) that's like. EN ROUTE TO ISLAND. LETTER TO FOLLOW. and she freaks out like AAAA LAIOS SHE SAID YES WE HAVE TO CLEAN UP NOW.

I do think getting a response accidentally sparks a little hope in her, judging by the way she acts in the chp 57 flashback-- she's pouty that Marcille sees her as a kid, gets really worked up about being presentable, and then tries to play it cool when she actually meets Marcille (as if she didn't freak out and force Laios to shave while rambling a mile a minute about Marcille). She's an adult now, really and truly, and she's seen and survived things that her 18 yr old self would have never even imagined-- then all of a sudden, the person she was in love with since she was ten years old appears, and she's so desperate to be seen as mature and competent. She's trying soooo hard to impress Marcille with her newfound combat and dungeoneering experience...

Only to fall right back into their old dynamic. RIP. At least she gets the girl eventually, even if it takes dying twice and being the core catalyst behind an almost-apocalypse.

#asks #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #dungeon meshi #farcille #marcilleposting #kinda #the irony is that for me she DOES succeed in impressing marcille #its just that its so gradual and marcille is so so good at repression that neither of them notice it #marcille just sees her reacting so confidently to dire combat situations #easily throwing up protective spells even when they get ambushed #and seeing her become an expert in her field of magic that marcille would even consider an intellectual peer or equal #as well as a competent healer and combatant who also grew up a lot to take care of laios herself #changes marcilles feelings surprisingly fast i think. i think shes down bad in love with falin for the majority of the year before canon #the absence made the heart grow fonder but the feelings more mutable and its almost like meeting a new person when they reunite #anyway. you guys have to stop reading my mind and asking about major themes from my wips #yes the next chapter of a little creature touches on this a lot.#stop making me give away my takes before i can properly write them into fiction form fjsjjdf

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historicity-was-already-taken · 29 days

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pixeljade: #it IS very much a complex issue and I feel like saying that has been pissing off a lot of folks on both sides #one fact i would add to the table is that the current actions against palestine DO constitute a genocide by definition #its a word i hear pro-Israel people get very upset by because they think it is inherently comparing this to the holocaust #but its not. some people DO and thats its own discussion. but calling it a “genocide” is simply accurate and undeniable

Speaking as someone who was that pro-Israel person in her teens and very early 20s, the reactions you're describing are 800% cognitive dissonance freak outs. Most of these people, like me, received either directly or indirectly from their Elders in the Jewish community a very trauma-induced and deeply emotional information about the history of this situation, which boils down to: "They tried to kill us all once and they didn't now we finally have returned to the Promised Land, the only place we have to shield ourselves against It Happening Again. Israel's detractors hate that Jews can defend themselves now, and if any of them, including the Palestinians, were to have their way, they'd see us all dead. We must defend ourselves at all costs, and not let anyone ever put us in existential danger as a people ever again."

And then to have some rando 19 year old who knows jack shit about your or your community or your community's trauma to get up in your face and start screaming at you about genocide? It's only going to trigger that intergenerational trauma, and cause the party being screamed at to dig deeper into their defensive, cognitive-dissonance fueled response. Which, if we were to boil that response down to a thought process, looks like "This person hates me and all Jews. They think we're a hive mind who don't deserve to live. Thank G-d for Israel."

What's complex, is that not everything in that trauma response is wrong, and not everything the dumbass 19 yo who has no interest in unpacking their own learned anti-Semitism was wrong.

Israel's actions towards Palestinian Arabs since 1948 does fit several definitions of genocide and/or ethnic cleansing. And many of the Westerners who scream about it the loudest are fairly openly anti-Semitic.

Now, as someone with big Holocaust intergenerational trauma in her family, I am sympathetic to the Jewish kid in this scenario. But cognitive dissonance is just that: the domain of a child. Adults understand that cognitive dissonance is a little voice in our head telling us "Hey comrade our discomfort with this is a little much. Maybe this is a learning opportunity?"

I mean, that's what I did. But it's difficult. Its uncomfortable, and that scares people. It's much easier to believe that "They call it the Naqba because they hate us and think our survival and access to national self-determination is a disaster,"* than it is to understand that "They call it the Naqba because it was the near total dispossession and ethnic cleansing of Palestinian Arab populations from their generational homes and properties."

And again, everything I'm saying here is a result of my journey from a hardcore Zionist-in-the-contemporary-sense child (though always left in terms of domestic US Politics), to a grown Holocaust historian who understands that Israel is no better and no worse than all the other nation states (for new readers, I understand the nation-state as a political entity, the logical end point of which is genocide and/or ethnic cleansing), and openly criticizes it on those grounds.

*A rabbi in a youth group I belonged to told me this almost verbatim when I was 15. And when you're 15 and somebody tells you they love you you're gonna believe them.

#this post is clunky but i have a fever so w/e #i have great love and compassion for my community as an american jewish woman #so much of how american jewry remembers the history of israel is shaped by our collective trauma #sometimes in ways that we ourselves don't understand #i'm not here to shit on them #but i am here to compassionately call them in #and the only groups who i don't expect that compassion from #are actual palestinians

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rebo-chan · 17 days

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Something I was thinking about lately is Tsuna's daddy issues. Specifically this frame.

Like that's such a loaded thing to think about. He's got so much resentment built up. Obviously, there's no direct connection to any of Tsuna's issues made but I think a few fun things can be said from this. In general, Tsuna clearly didn't have a father figure in his life which sorta results in him leaning on Reborn pretty often. Tsuna doesn't have a very stable self-esteem with him going from confident to "Aah, Gokuderas going to become disillusioned with me now that all my flaws have been pointed out." GOKUDERA. His FIRST SUBORDINATE. The guy who literally has been LOYAL FROM DAY ONE. Not that we consider them canon, but this happens also during the filler arcs where Daemon points out that Tsuna's not worth following to Gokudera and it seems to make Tsuna a little antsy. He DOES NOT THINK THE PEOPLE HE LOVES ARE GOING TO STAY WITH HIM, THIS IS LITERALLY RUINING MY LIFE. What Daddy Issues DO TO A MF. But that's a post for another day. But okay, back to Reborn, Reborn proves himself to be immovable from Tsuna's life. The story points out that Tsuna very much has two fathers. The one who won't leave and the one who is always gone. Tsuna really leans on Reborn throughout the series. "Reborn, what do I do?" Is a common thing he says, until Reborn is literally swept away from him against his will in Future arc where he's forced to think that he's half a person in Reborns absence. Meanwhile, we have Iemitsu who Tsuna has resentment built up towards, does not respect, and is forced to acknowledge in order to win his fight. Throughout the rainbow arc battle, they try to point out that Iemitsu is trying to teach Tsuna something here and unless I'm confused (someone feel free to tell me?) it's not really clear WHAT that is. And I've always thought that was neat, because it's obviously coming from Tsuna's inability to respect Iemitsu enough to want to learn anything from him. Yet when Reborn comes in, hell he doesn't even recognize him in his Adult form, but he politely listens and takes his advice seriously. In the grand scheme of the series, Reborn is a good teacher and father figure in his life. When Tsuna is made to feel like that he can't do anything in Reborn's absence during Future, Reborn takes a step back in that arc and lets him learn to survive without his guidance. (Notice how the training almost entirely disappears after Future.) He lets him learn how to be a person without him, only stepping in to help when Tsuna really needs it. When he's unable to light his flame, with Spanner, or when he's freaking out about the Irie reveal, the list really goes on. There's a scene I recall I believe when Yuni asks to join their group, Tsuna still turns to ask Reborn what to do, and Reborn redirects him by asking him what he wants to do. That it was his call as a boss. And Tsuna ends up making the decision to help her off his own accord.

It's with Reborn's guidance that Tsuna ends up learning to be his own person, it's this guidance that allows him to make the decision and gather everyone on his own accord when it was Reborn's turn to be shaky and give up. Where Tsuna tells him that he's got this under control, without his guidance. To just watch him. "you've always knew I could win before." It's this arc where Reborn's pride in Tsuna shines. Multiple times. "Surprise me again, Tsuna." And he does. It's in Reborn's second absence where Tsuna feels himself get shaky again, feels the old feelings of poor self image crop up, that Reborn comes back. Because Reborn is not Iemitsu, and he wasn't someone who left him in that house alone forever. Because he's still young and has much to learn before he's ready to do this on his own. It's at this he feels a little embarrassed about how glad he is that Reborn came back, but then recalls the "mean words" that Reborn said before leaving. It's here that Reborn tells him it's a good thing he hasn't changed much. Another sliver of guidance that Tsuna takes in from the figure in his life that won't leave him alone in that house.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #sawada tsunayoshi #r27 #platonic?#familial?#idk but #i was having feelings about those two #when i remembered that panel #thank you for reading my messy lil ramblings #<3

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

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Is there any chance we could have a round up of the Circus? I am so lost on how the dominoes fell over the last 40 days

Okay this is not comprehensive, because (a) my husband the politics nerd is currently on his way to a gig in west Wales somewhere and so cannot chime in and also (b) all our political journalist friends are understandably quite busy right now doing political journaling, but I seem to have an influx of new followers who are also very confused and don't understand what's going on, so I shall try.

Alright so what we're seeing here is the Second Clownfall of 2022, the hotly anticipated sequel to the Adventures of Big Dog the Clown. However it revolves around the character of Liz Truss, and will use some terminology, so

Previous Reading

Important Terminology - Required Reading

What is a Whip?

How do Whips work?

Shadow Cabinet

Front Benchers, Back Benchers and the Cabinet

What do we need to call an early General Election?

The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown - Suggested Reading

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Elanor's Guide to Liz Truss - Suggested Reading

Character-based prequel

...okay I think that's everything. On with the show!

The Premiership of Liz Truss (2022-2022)

Week One

We begin our tale on September 5th, 2022. Coincidentally, that was also the date that I personally started my new job. Let's see which of us does better!

The Daily Mail is delighted, and runs a headline proclaiming "Cometh the hour, cometh the woman". Tory rag in a frock coat the Financial Times runs an op-ed:

So the results ARE IN! She will definitely fuck us up! But that's a good thing for vague reasons! Blitz spirit everyone. Tally ho, pip pip, shoot a servant and have sex with a wall, hey what. Good old Blighty.

(That's my best impression of Tories I'm good at their accents I hope you like it)

Truss does an interview with Laura Kuenssberg, and fellow guest and comedian Joe Lycett wildly and effusively applauds her every word. Even Liz realises no one would sincerely applaud her. Bafflingly, the entire right wing press and every member of the Tory party freak out about this, because they don't understand the function of a satirist and don't know how to defend against it. It is extremely funny. Joe Lycett announces he's a right-wing comedian now, and begins a new extended career bit effusively and sarcastically praising right wing politicians. They all cry extensively and call him mean.

SO, it's been a long hard leadership campaign! But she made it. For years, Tories have been blighted by the curse of the PM/Chancellor relationship, backstabbing and cheating and lying about each other to try and get power. But not our Liz, oh no; her Chancellor is Maths Mate and BFF Kwasi Kwarteng, an insipid and poisonous gnome known for three (3) things:

He once wrote a stupid book with Liz Truss about his stupid opinions on how he thinks economics work and everyone laughed at him and stuffed him in a locker

On the night of the Brexit vote he was overheard by a journalist gleefully saying “Who cares if sterling crashes? It will come back up again“ which are of course the words of a man who knows all about economics and how they work

This fucking bullshit back in July:

But hey IT'S OKAY! Everything is fine! Because Liz and Kwasi are BFFs who certainly never had an affair and are marching in lockstep and have each other's backs and both love maths more than their own children if they had any! Maths Friends!

Multiple resignations immediately follow.

Among them is Ben Elliot, the Tory Party chair, which is a pretty big deal from a man who just lived through the Johnson years; also, shockingly, Priti Patel, the deportation-happy Home Secretary, decides that even as an animatronic goblin she cannot support this nonsense.

It's not a resignation per se, but at ten to seven in the evening it's announced that Andrew Bridgen, the Troy MP for Leicestershire North West, has been evicted from his home and ordered to pay £800,000 in legal costs, and a possible £244,000 in rent arrears. Also described as "dishonest" by a judge.

This is not directly relevant to Liz Truss but look, it was a staggeringly weird day and this was basically the topper.

Anyway.

Liz goes to the Palace and is duly sworn in by the Queen, who promptly keels over and dies the very next day. Parliament is instantly shut down for mandatory mourning. As omens go, this one was not subtle.

This triggers the circulation of some very awkward footage of Young Truss talking about how she thinks the Monarchy should be abolished for being a gross relic of horrifying social stratification. However you must understand that it's not awkward because anyone thinks she murdered the Queen. It's because Liz Truss's attempts at public speaking are like sitting through a children's Christmas play when you're the only person in the audience and they can all see your face so you have to look encouraging for four hours when inside you are shrivelling into something approximating an apricot pit travelling to the core of Jupiter.

Take a look at her acceptance speech and wither.

Anyway we're now several MPs and a queen down so she's got to get on replacing those so she can focus on her real love: the much-anticipated mini-budget that she is preparing with Kwasi to save the UK from the harrowing quagmire of crippling poverty that Big Dog managed to drive us into (all while pretending it wasn't Big Dog who did it.)

Fortunately, she does not need to replace the queen! Monarchies take care of themselves, which many people would argue is very much the problem, of course. They had a proper reunion with Meghan From Suits and Meghan From Suits' husband, both of whom were banned from visiting Balmoral, and also the Nonce flew in, who was allowed to visit Balmoral. Such heartwarming scenes.

But the Cabinet, that's another matter. That's something Liz DOES have to do, and it's important she gets it right, Tumblrs, because you see, every time a Cabinet minister is replaced it's expensive and a hassle and it weakens a government by making them look all crumbly, like a packet of biscuits that's been rammed against a wall and now someone is opening it and everyone is bracing for Crumbs.

So, step forward to the Cabinet soulless ghoul Suella Braverman, the new Home Secretary. She immediately distinguishes herself by trying to legalise torture.

And then, naturally,

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S TICK TOCK TERF O'CLOCK also FUCK the sovereignty of the Scottish Parliament amirite ladies lol Girl Power uwu

Not that she can actually do anything at this point, of course. As I say: Enforced Mourning is in process, which means Parliament is shut down for ten days. No work, no speeches, no appearances, no announcements, just taxpayer's money going on legal fees to see if she can interfere with another nation's elected government in order to strip away the human rights of queer people.

However, while we all weep over the corpse of Queen Lizzie Two and beat our breasts in grief, the already-beleaguered pound is slowly bleeding out through this inaction. And this, to the Maths Mates, is unacceptable.

Two things get quietly slid into the news cycle.

Thing the First:

BIG YIKES LADS

Thing the Second:

Fracking ban in England lifted in bid to boost UK gas supply - BBC News

For those who don't know, fracking is an energy extraction process. Water, gas and dust are pumped at high pressure into shale bedrock to crack it open, releasing pockets of natural gas that can then be harvested for fuel. It's environmentally disastrous for multiple reasons, both direct (earthquakes, groundwater pollution, social impacts) and indirect (IT'S STILL A FOSSIL FUEL YOU STUPID CUNTS ARE YOUR SKULLS FUCKING EMPTY). The Welsh and Scottish governments have both banned it outright, a straight-up "Foot down no, petal". England, though, is the Tory paradise, so the ban was less complete.

However, this is still a Huge Deal - the 2019 Tory manifesto was very clear that fracking would only be unbanned IF "the science shows categorically that it can be done safely". In fact, most Tories don't like it either. Their constituents REALLY don't. Also in March Kwasi Kwarteng literally went on record and said it wouldn't lower European gas prices anyway; but not anymore! Now he thinks it's a zippy idea. Just spiffing. Top hole, pip pip (I'm so good at their accents :))

Scientists who have been studying the environmental impacts of fracking produce their report -

And it is quietly buried, so as not to offend the corpse of Lizzie Two.

Here ends the first four days of the Reign of Liz Truss.

Second Week

Anyway, royalists have gone insane and started a REALLY BIG queue to see a box that supposedly contains the rotting cadaver of the old queen. Multiple people have to be hospitalised because they join the Queue and don't take food, water, warm clothes, or essential daily medications with them, even though the Queue is literally days long. Some die. Many take the ashes of their own loved ones so they can wave them at the box for the thirty seconds they get to be in front of it, like a sort of play date for ashes.

Prince Charles, now King Prince Charles, starts swanning about as King, demanding everyone be sad for him and clap him to cheer him up. Someone holds up a sign saying 'Not my King' and gets arrested. This triggers a whole wave of protests and arrests as free speech slides out the window, until the Met Police chief has to step in and explain to the police like they're five-year-olds that they can't do that, actually, and need to cut that shit out.

But we can't wholly blame the police, because the main pressure to clamp down on protestors actually came from...

The government.

Meanwhile the country goes bat shit fucking insane. In order not to offend the fragile sensibilities of royalists, now so brittle they need to be treated with the same delicate touch normally reserved for unstable nitroglycerin, the UK sees supermarkets lowering the volume of self-serve checkout desks, people's funerals cancelled, vital operations and other medical interventions postponed, Centre Parcs cancelling holidays, FOOD BANKS CLOSING, Nintendo Direct cancelling its live stream in Britain (but not cancelling the release of the recording onto You Tube an hour later because as we all know Queen Elizabeth II was a MASSIVE livestream fan and would have been DEVASTATED to miss it but she was very 'meh' about YouTube), cycle racks being closed, and this unhinged shrieking harridan:

Very normal, lads. Very normal.

Oh and also they cancelled Owain Glyndwr Day so as a Welsh person I am now legally allowed to forcibly ram a daffodil into the urethras of the landed English gentry.

However, the protests grow as the suppression wanes. By the time King Prince Charles comes to Wales, he is met with silent protests, this guy who learned a sentence in Welsh specially for the occasion, and a petition to abolish the Prince of Wales title.

Except government is still shut down, so the petitions are all suspended.

But not to worry! That gives the Maths Mates more time to work on their special mini-budget.

Week Three

More of the same at first, really, but she finally addresses the nation to announce that the Queen was the "rock" on which "modern Britain was built".

Also someone finally spots that the necklace she always wears is a day collar, so that was fun.

BUT THEN

The moment we have all been waiting for, with baited breath.

On the 23rd September, 2022, the mini-budget finally arrives. The golden egg of Kwasi and Liz, their beloved, beautiful child, the crowning glory, the culmination of their economic beliefs and values. They are so proud of it, so sure of it, that they do not even submit it for the approval of the Office for Budget Responsibility. Why should they? This is the moment Kwarteng can finally show the world that he was right; that this is the way to do economics after all; that he alone in his brilliance and genius has reinvented the field and will lead the country to a new era of riches and prosperity.

And the pound does this:

Yikes.

Truss goes into hiding for a day and a half, during which time her aids claim all her relatives have died so she won't have to speak to the press, which is obviously a simply fantastic quality in a Prime Minister. Finally, she resurfaces by doing a series of radio interviews for regional stations around the UK, hoping they'll be easier on her, starting with Radio Leeds. The good journalists of Yorkshire eviscerate her and strew her corpse through Adel Woods. It's downhill from there.

Week Four

One poll puts Labour 33 points ahead of the Tories.

It can be a little difficult to translate polls, because the electoral system is complex, so I asked my journalist friends. They cheerfully informed me that, if translated into a General Election, the Tories would have just 3 seats left.

Except! Of course, naturally, that is me reporting naught but the most extreme result, Tumblrs, dancing upon the bones of my enemies as I chant the rites to make the Tory party die faster. If I were to be fair about this - and I am, of course, a journalist of Integrity and Morals - I would actually give the average poll result. And I am wise and fair to all, ancient rites aside, so I shall.

The average poll result is still 19 points ahead.

Tony Blair's landslide Labour victory in 1999 was 12 points.

Rounding off the day, Labour declare that they are backing a change to a proportional representation voting system in place of the UK’s archaic first past the post system. Funny that.

Anyway, that mini-budget is going poorly. Realising unlimited borrowing rather than tax cuts for the rich is maybe Bad Actually, the Maths Mates decide to get the money for their bail-outs some other way. Can you guess, Tumblrs? Can you guess where they decide to get the money from?

Naturally.

Week Five

In a fascinating little twist, the papers claim Liz banned King Prince Charles from going to the Climate Summit in Egypt. This is interesting for about a billion reasons, not least of which is that the papers seem very angry about this and yet also that it's an unsubstantiated rumour - the phrase "it's understood that _" gets a hell of a workout.

She then does not go herself. Makes sense. They'll probably be mean to her about the fracking.

She then loses the support of the Daily Mail, a paper that five weeks before were ecstatic about her rise to power :( so sad. But why? What made them change their minds?

Well. What else from Truss, but a massive and catastrophic u-turn on the economy?

And she does! The absolute nutter!

Plans to cut the 45p tax rate for those earning upwards of £150,000 were abandoned, as were:

abolishing the planned rise in corporation tax

cutting the basic rate of income tax

the two-year energy bill support plan

scrapping the planned dividend tax hike

VAT-free shopping for international tourists

freezing alcohol duty

easing of IR25 rules for the self-employed

ALL GONE! All gone. The mini-budget is not working so lol jk we'll think of something else, that's how government works, right? The pound promptly implodes further. Of all people, Nadine Dorries is the one to criticise

WE ARE IN A TOPSY TURVEY UPSIDE DOWN WORLD

The Daily Mail still finds a way to say it's all Michael Gove's fault, though.

Anyway, the 5th October dawns bright and beautiful and YouGov polls rural voters:

THIS IS HUUUUUUUUUGE, because farmers just will not fucking stop voting Tory, AND YET. Wowsers. Not just popularity. Voting intention. She might as well have personally infected every farm in the South Downs with foot and mouth disease.

Truss realises her popularity is plummeting and she needs a new audience. She tries to appear down with the kids and declares that she's the only PM to have gone to a comprehensive school.

This is not true. Gordon Brown and Theresa May both did. However, it's certainly true that all three of them became PM by ousting a sitting PM, so there's that I guess.

Week Six

At this point I can start putting in PRECISE DATEs just call ME Robert Peston.

13th October

News reporters start speculating that she'll be done by the end of the month as the first rumoured letter of no confidence reaches us. People realise that her competition for shortest serving PM was a guy who died in office of TB at about the four month mark RIP king sorry about your lungs.

(A reminder - normally, if MPs want to oust a party leader, they must send in 54 letters of no confidence. This makes the 1922 Committee - a bunch of back benchers who preside over this shit - hold a vote of no confidence. A leader who loses gives way - this is very rare. A leader who wins is then immune to another such vote for 12 months, but they almost always crumble within a month or two anyway - this is much more common.)

This is extremely funny, because a newly-elected leader of the party has a 12 month immunity to votes of no confidence, same as people who've won such a vote. Likes charge reblogs cast apparently. MPs are getting desperate.

Pressure mounts. Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng announces that he is "Not going anywhere."

14th October

Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng is sacked and blamed for the entire economic mess.

Incredibly, Liz does this without first planning a replacement, so it's several hours before Jeremy Cunt suddenly reappears like the spectre at the fucking feast.

Meanwhile here's Ed Milliband on Twitter

Seven and a half years he waited to retweet that. Seven and a half long years, look, to have the last laugh.

In the end, he still went too soon.

15th October

Deputy PM and also Health Minister Therese Coffey (side note - have they always doubled up in roles like that? Or are there just not enough of them anymore?) announces that she loves antibiotic resistance and dead kids and also breaking laws:

16th October

The Sunday Times calls for Extremely Corrupt Former Grand Vizier Rishi Sunak to take over, and then a General Election so that Labour can take the reins.

The SUNDAY TIMES

Calling for LABOUR

The Sunday Mail tries to stir up support for Ben Wallace taking over, because no one has heard of Ben Wallace so he needs the boost, but then accidentally publish their front page with a different man

In another YouGov poll for the Times, not a single political group, age group, area of the country, gender, or other demographic said that Liz Truss was the right choice for PM

This is the new predicted election graph:

Yikes

17th October

The projected election results are a Labour victory so complete the opposition would be the SNP. Legend suggests Nicola Sturgeon's cackle on finding out was so powerful she accidentally resurrected a witchfinder.

18th October

Meanwhile in the Senedd, Welsh Tory leader Andrew RT Davies, a sort of humanoid boil dressed in ham, tries to accuse placid and gentle First Minister for Wales Mark Drakeford's Labour of being responsible for long ambulance waiting times.

T'was a mistake.

youtube

19th October

Oh boy.

Well, first of all, Suella Braverman sends an official email from her private email address, and then promptly leaves the Cabinet at cannonball speeds as though she's seen a brown child about to be given citizenship. Was she quietly fired by Jeremy Cunt? Did she do it deliberately to resign? On her way out, she blames the true source of our problems - the Guardian-reading, tofu-eating Wokerati.

Nigella Lawson spends the day tweeting tofu recipes.

Meanwhile, Graham Brady, the Chair of the 1922 Committee, comes to Liz Truss to inform her that he has in fact now received 54 letters of no confidence. Normally, of course, that would be considered enough to trigger a vote in her leadership; but not now.

However, these are unprecedented times. So he changes the threshold - if half of the Tories send him letters, her immunity will be revoked.

But the thing is, Tumblrs, the thing is...

It is all about to kick off in the most spectacular and catastrophic fireworks since Guy Fawkes had a dream.

Because Ed Milliband, once accused of leading the country to chaos and now riding high on the joy of his well-timed Twitter jab of Some Days Ago, wakes this morning and chooses violence.

He has spotted, of course, that no one likes fracking; even the Tories are against it.

He has also spotted that Liz Truss is very stupid.

So he goes into the House of Commons, and he digs a big pit and covers it over with twigs and leaves so it can't be seen, and he bakes a big cake and he places it in the middle of the twigs, and he sets up a net to fall as well and a big stick of ACME dynamite, and he hammers in little signs everywhere saying CAUTION - TRAP, by which I am of course being metaphorical because what he actually does is table a motion to extend the moratorium on fracking. The signs aren't necessary, really. This trap is easy to avoid.

All Liz Truss has to do, you see, is not use a three-line whip on this vote.

The three-line whip, as you'll all recall, is the highest level of coercion. MPs cannot defy a three-line whip. MPs cannot even abstain on a three-line whip. MPs have two choices on a three-line whip: to vote as they're told, or to be removed from the party. You obey or resign. That's all.

For this reason, it's sometimes called a 'confidence vote', as it is effectively a stand-in for one. The vote is not about the issue at hand - this is now a vote of confidence in your leader.

(He's also laid lesser traps. Years back when fracking was first being heavily discussed, Ed was Labour leader and one of the main figures in those discussions. During today, before it all Kicks The Fuck Off, a Tory stands and challenges him on previous statements about fracking, trying to accuse him of hypocrisy.

He was fucking ready for it.)

Graham Brady pops his head back around the door. He's changed his mind - a third of the party is all that's needed now to trigger a vote of no confidence in Liz Truss. And legend says he's only 17 off.

This is presumably the reason for what comes next.

Liz panics. Liz sees she's desperately unpopular. Liz sees that she has to do something to shore up support; and she sees that her important fracking rule, which her party hates her for, is now being challenged by a former Labour leader, and if he wins (which he will) she'll lose all credibility and maybe they'll take her nice office away and tell her she was a Bad Girl.

And so, with the inevitability of gravity on the now-leaden pound sterling, she makes it a three-line whip, and a confidence vote in her government.

INSTANT CHAOS.

There is uproar! There is rage! There is blinding fury! Tory MPs are standing up in the Commons and snarling and pissing and moaning! No one likes fracking except Jacob Rees Mogg! For TWO HOURS they shriek and scream and gnash their teeth, yelling at Liz Truss, demanding to know why this is happening.

(Legend has it chaos-deity Ed Milliband simply leaned back, put his feet up on the chair in front, and made Christian Wakeford hand-feed him grapes and fan him with a palm leaf, but this is unsubstantiated.)

And then, at 6.55, FIVE MINUTES before voting is ready to begin, the Tory Minister for Climate Graham Stewart stands up and declares that everyone should vote how they want because it's not a confidence vote.

Did I say there was chaos before?

Lol. Lmao, even. Rofl, in fact.

Now Tories leap to their feet and basically all scream one long, unending breath of WHAT-DO-YOU-MEAN-IT'S-NOT-A-CONFIDENCE-VOTE-WHAT-THE-FUCK-IS-HAPPENING-IS-IT-OR-IS-IT-NOT-A-CONFIDENCE-VOTE and so Stewart gets up again and says, right to everyone's faces, "It's not for me to say whether it's a confidence vote or not," which is an even faster and more spectacular u-turn than Truss herself could pull off given that he literally just said it wasn't and did so while being a minister.

And then the voting starts. MPs are now milling about like chickens who've sighted the hawk, clamouring to know if they're going to lose their jobs unless they vote for Satan. The Whips - specifically Chief Whip Wendy Morton and Deputy Chief Whip Craig Whittaker - descend upon them like fucking wargs on the hunt. They don't just spit vitriol and blackmail into MPs ears. They fucking bodily drag people into the right voting lobby. MPs are legitimately screaming. Grown men are crying literal tears. Labour's Chris Bryant reports holding multiple Tory MPs as they sob into his shoulder. Multiple MPs report similar scenes.

And Tories still don't know if this is even a damn confidence vote, or if they should just knock the Chief Whip's teeth out.

And then the Whips, filled with bloodlust and frenzy, suddenly realise that NO ONE IS LISTENING TO US, YOU'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO US SO WE FEEL POWERFUL -

Cue sudden meeting in a locked room with Liz Truss. For over HALF AN HOUR.

So is it a confidence vote? No one is sure. Deputy PM Therese Coffey thinks so, so in the absence of the Whips she decides physical assault is her job now and is seen by David Linden MP (SNP) physically carrying someone into the voting lobby. Jacob Rees Mogg thinks not and starts yelling "It's not a confidence vote!", to which his colleagues reply, "Fuck off." Meanwhile the Whips have possibly resigned, no one is sure. It is still uncertain if this was a confidence vote.

And Ed Milliband basks in the chaos, playing the fiddle while it all burns around him.

Finally, voting concludes. The Whips reappear to lurk.

The votes are in - the government wins, and fracking will go ahead. But.

32 MPs abstained.

And one of those is Liz Truss.

Which is WILD??!? What possible benefit could she get from that??? No one knows. Everything is uproar again. Guess who else abstained? Well, riveted reader, here's a list with important names highlighted:

Nigel Adams, Gareth Bacon, Siobhan Baillie, Greg Clark, Sir Geoffrey Cox, Tracey Crouch, David Davis, Dame Caroline Dinenage, Nadine Dorries, Philip Dunne, Mark Fletcher, Vicky Ford, Paul Holmes, Alister Jack, Boris Johnson, Gillian Keegan, Kwasi Kwarteng, Robert Largan, Pauline Latham, Mark Logan, Theresa May, Priti Patel, Mark Pawsey, Angela Richardson, Andrew Rosindell, Bob Seely, Alok Sharma, Chris Skidmore, Henry Smith, Ben Wallace, Sir John Whittingdale, and William Wragg.

Kwasi still smarting about that p45, I see.

In any case it then turns out that Liz DID vote, but incompetently, because her voting card didn't read properly, which is actually fair given that she was being screamed at by angry Whips waving Graham Stewart's severed dick and balls around while they demanded power and authority. While she's clearing that up, the press are understandably waiting open-mouthed for comment, but don't worry Liz! Your old pal Jacob Rees Mogg is here to fill in for you!

And thus it is that JRM willingly chooses to go on the live news and calmly confirm to the nation that no one knows if it was a confidence vote or not.

Chaos. Chaos again. Unbridled chaos. The Whips are furious. Everyone is furious. The rebels are now in limbo, unsure if they're now out of a job. Tories are weeping, trying to work out if Rees Mogg WANTS to sink the party. Back bencher Charles Walker MP delivers a frank interview to the press absolutely SHIVERING with rage, like the drummer in a Fleetwood Mac concert. Ex-Lib Dem leader Tim Farron, a bland man known only for the time he himself willingly chose to go on the news and calmly explain that he's a homophobe without provocation, tweets that Liz Truss is a Lib Dem sleeper agent they sent in to destroy the Tories, sparking what is likely to be a whole slew of conspiracy theories by next week. No one knows what is going on. They all decide to sleep on it.

The good folks at Wikipedia ultimately decide to make three separate pages for the UK 2022 government crisis, and to label them with the month "to leave room for another by the end of the year."

Ed Milliband skips all the way home, and treats himself to a bacon sandwich.

20th October

Okay, Liz thinks, the morning after. Okay. Last night was bad. But today will be better.

So first... the vote.

Because there's bad news for Tories who like money and good news for people who like liveable planets - there are problems with the vote. For one, the vote counts are being called into question. Are the results reliable?

For another, the Speaker of the House of Commons calls for an investigation into the reports of, um, assault. So will the result stand?

It's so unclear! And so is that ongoing issue of whether or not the damn thing was a confidence vote. Angry whips say YES, JRM says NO, Downing Street refuses to pick up the phone to the BBC, but does send ITV's Robert Peston a text at 1am to say it was definitely a confidence vote and, unrelatedly, the Whips aren't resigning :)

I think we have found the price paid to keep the Whips.

Meanwhile. Let's see what this has done for Liz's leadership stability!

13 letters of no confidence are confirmed submitted by Sky, 5 of which came in overnight. The 1922 Committee reconvenes the coven to discuss matters. Simultaneously, the One Nation Conservatives reconvene their coven to discuss the same. Presumably there is much "Girl what are YOU doing at the Devil's Sacrament?"-ing and "Same cloak, how embarrassing"-ing. MPs are CLAMOURING for her head. It is VICIOUS. It's like cartoon piranhas in a supervillain's lair; which is highly appropriate, because that's exactly what Tory MPs are.

Graham Brady, head jester of the 1922 Committee, demands to see Liz Truss.

He walks into a room with her, and the doors are closed. Half an hour later, he walks back out of the room.

Ten minutes later, she calls a press conference.

45 days after being appointed, Liz Truss breaks the record, and becomes the shortest-serving British Prime Minister.

#politik #the second clownfall of 2022

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tbmunson · 1 year

Text

Escape - Gareth Emerson x Reader

Summary: You and Gareth get paired for the most important art project of the semester.

Warnings: Slow burn, idiots in love, caring for Gareth's sisters.

WC: 4,730

Notes: I'm in recovery for surgery, so updates will be slow. Shout out to @ashes-writing for being my absolute bestie and letting me bounce ideas.

1 / 2 / 3

PART 1

“Okay, class, you’ll work as partners for your final project.” Mr. Greely the art teacher stated, earning a cheer from the class. “I wouldn’t cheer so fast. I paired you up myself. This project is to make art based on what you learn about your partner, hence the little questionnaire at your tables. It can be a painting, drawing, or sculpture. Any audio recordings or mixed tapes will be given a zero. This is art, not band.

You rolled your eyes, but not because you wouldn’t be working with Tiffany, the only other cheerleader in the class, but because there was a chance you’d have to work with one of the meatheaded basketball players. You didn’t really want to work with her either, but that was a whole other can of worms.

Mr. Greely droned on, only catching your attention when he said your name. “You’ll be working with Emerson.”

Your eyes widened, which caught the attention of a few of your classmates who began to giggle. The panic was not from the boy himself, rather the fear you would accidentally fall harder for him if you got to really know him. Your focus was disrupted by shuffling next to you as Gareth settled into the desk paired with yours. “Hi.” You said softly, meek almost.

Gareth assumed this was due to disdain for him, presented a bit more politely. He did hear the giggles after all. “What’s up?” Not a question, just a simple acknowledgement to your greeting.

You studied his side profile, debating the different art forms you could use to relay the puffy haired metalhead next to you.

“You have a month to complete this project. Oh, and, your partner will be grading you on how well they think you relay them to the world. That does have an effect on the overall grade, so get to know each other.” Mr. Greely finished as the bell rang.

“So, I don’t know if you’re busy tonight with it being Friday and all, but my house is free tonight if you want to come do the questionnaire.” You offered sweetly as you packed your notebook into your bag.

“I, uh, have to watch my sisters tonight, but, if you want to, I mean, you can come to my place.” His nerves were apparent, which made you smile.

“Yeah, I’ll find you at lunch and finalize the details.” You gripped the strap to your backpack and turned to meet Tiffany at the door.

She sputtered out a laugh as she glanced over her shoulder to Gareth. “You really got paired with the freak, huh?”

You couldn’t stop the eye roll. “Tiff, I’ve known him since forever. He’s a sweet guy. Just because he listens to different music and doesn’t dress the same doesn’t make him a freak.” You replied, trying to keep your tone level so as to not snap at the head of the cheerleading team.

“He plays a fucking fantasy game, babe. It’s weird.” She chirps back as if it was common knowledge.

“It’s an escape. Everyone has an escape. You totally zone out when you cheer. That’s your escape.” You’re fully annoyed now, but not showing it, which is hard due to the fact that she just laughs, mumbling a “Whatever.” under her breath.

You break off into your math class and sit next to Eddie Munson. “Hey, Eddie.” You say, catching his attention.

He peeks around you, looking around.

“What are you doing?” You ask, furrowing your brows.

“Wondering why Hawkins High’s very own princess is trying to talk to me. Not that I’m complaining. Just curious.” He responded with an amused look.

You can’t help the small smile that spreads at his antics. “I’m talking to you because I’m a nice person and I let you cheat off of me. It’s time to repay the favor.”

“Ooh, princess wants something from the freak. Enlighten me.” He taps the tips of his fingers together in a way that would mook maniacal if it weren’t Eddie.

You roll your eyes at the dramatics. “I have an art project and I need-”

“I will not model naked for you if that’s what you’re asking.” He had a very serious look on his face, which meant he was totally joking, something you’d come to know sitting next to him in three different classes.

You smacked his arm and furrowed your brow. “No. I need the inside scoop on Gareth. He’s my partner and I have to get to know him, like really get to know him for this project.”

Eddie nods, resting his chin in his hand. “Okay. I can help you with that. As long as I keep copying your homework and cheating off of your tests.” He smirked, a wide grin plastering his face.

“In all honesty, I didn’t even think about using that as a threat.” You giggled, reaching over and scribbling your number onto a page with a scratched out doodle in his notebook. “Call me tomorrow. I’ll be at Gareth’s tonight.”

“Oh yeah, date night.” Eddie replied kind of like an off hand comment.

“It’s not a date, Eddie.” Your eyes were wide again like they had been in art class.

Eddie laughed and shook his head. “I mean his parents. He has to watch his sisters. Although I may be reading into that reaction a little too much, but I think you-”

“Not another word or the copying does stop.” Your face was hard, begging him not to speak the words you already knew were true. You would like to go on a date with him, but this, getting to really know him as part of a project, it’ll work too. Better, you convince yourself. Better because there’s no pressure to actually like him and if you don’t, well at least you'll know and you can stop this pitiful pining over him.

“Yes, your highness.” Eddie bows as much as he can while sitting before the teacher begins class.

Two class periods later you were headed to lunch. Once you made it to the cafeteria you headed right for the Hellfire table, leaving a very confused Stephanie in the doorway. As you approached a group of freshmen were settled at the table. “Hi, does Gareth sit here?” You knew he did, but striking up a conversation would be better than just claiming a seat that didn’t belong to you.

The curly haired one looked up, surprised a cheerleader was talking to him. “I, uh, yeah.” he sputtered, earning a glare from the dark haired one.

“Dude, you can’t just tell people like-” He cuts himself off, looking up at you and wondering if you’d tear him a new one.

You laughed and leaned against the table. “I know. People like me have a bad rap, and usually for good reason. I have an art project with Gareth and we need to go over some details. No malice. No ill intent. Pinky promise.” You held out your pinky, waiting for one of the group to make their move.

The smaller boy with a bowl cut reaches out, linking his pinky with yours. “He’ll be here in a few. He usually takes a smoke break before coming to lunch. That’s his seat,” He points to a chair on the edge of the opposite side of the table. “And Jeff isn’t here today, so the spot next to him is open if you want to sit.”

“Thank you.” You smile before rounding the table and sitting in the middle seat. “My name is Y/N, by the way.” You offer a hand over the table for any one of them to take.

The curly haired boy reaches over and shakes it, “I’m Dustin, this is Mike and Will.”

“It’s nice to meet you guys. So, how does Dungeons and Dragons work? I’ve never played but it seems interesting from what I’ve seen.” You can’t find it in yourself to regret the question as Dustin and Will go into an in depth explanation of the game. You were so drawn in that you didn’t notice Gareth walking up to the table, or the look of horror as the freshmen bombarded you with facts about a fantasy game, even if he loved that fantasy game more than most things.

“Alright you guys, I’m sure she doesn’t want to hear about DnD.” Gareth sighed as he sat, drawing the attention of the four of you.

You gave him a playful glare. “I asked, actually. It sounds like a lot of fun. Very creative.” You were smiling by the end.

Gareth nodded, unable to help the thought that you were only saying that to seem nice and use it against them later. He immediately felt bad because in all the years of classes together, you’d never been that way. “Okay, well, I’m sorry. You can continue, Dustin.”

“Actually, Dustin, as much as I want to hear the differences in characters, I really need to get some stuff settled with Gareth about this project. How about I come sit here on Monday and you and Will can finish telling me about it.” You offered, finding the kids incredibly charming and utterly adorable.

“Yeah!” Dustin replied, opening a book to keep track of what he’d filled you in on already.

Gareth chuckled and leaned over to whisper to you. “You really don’t have to let them torture you like this.” The way his voice rumbled in your ear mixed with the warmth of his breath cascading down your neck, you knew you were screwed.

“Gare, really, I want to know about it. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” You assured him, placing a hand on his forearm and giving it a small squeeze.

Gareth didn’t know what else to say, so he only offered a crooked smile instead.

“Good, it’s settled. Now to the main task at hand. What time do I need to come over?”

He shrugged and went over the schedule in his head. “I’m gonna do dinner at 5:30, give them a bath, and let them play. They’ll be out by 7:30.” He offered more as a question.

“Or, I can bring dinner from Benny’s around 6, help you give them a bath, and we can all watch a movie before they go to bed.” You twisted a curl around your finger as you waited for his response.

He nodded and smiled. “Yeah, they’d like that.”

You slid your notebook and a pen in front of him. “Write down your order and I’ll be over by six.”

“Do you even know where I live?” He quirked a brow as he scribbled down an order.

“Gareth Emerson, I have lived down the street from you my whole life. Of course I know where you live.” You reached out and gently smacked his shoulder.

Gareth laughed and held a hand up in surrender. “I’m just making sure. I’d hate for you to get lost and leave me starving.” He jokes, sliding the notebook across the table with the order, along with his number. “See you tonight?”

“For sure, but you’re going to see me sitting here for the rest of lunch, if that’s okay with you.” You looked up at him through your lashes.

“It’s totally fine!” Dustin said, grabbing your attention. You’d almost forgotten about the freshmen sitting across from you.

You laughed and nodded, knowing he wanted to continue his spill about the different kinds of characters.

The end of the day came and you were headed out to your car when you were stopped by Tiffany. “What in the hell were you doing at that table of freaks during lunch?”

Your jaw clenched, but you didn’t let your anger show. “I had to come up with a plan for this project. Gareth is my partner. Art is the only class we have together and I’d like to get it started sooner rather than later.”

Tiffany scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Don’t let it happen again.”

“Actually, I’ll be there Monday too, and probably a few times throughout the next couple of weeks. I’ll sit with you guys on game days so no one sees me in my uniform at their table, but this project is important to me. Art is important to me. You know I want to be an artist. If getting to know him is what it takes to make a kickass piece, then I’m doing it.” Your tone wasn’t harsh, but it was firm, letting her know there would be no room for negotiation.

She didn’t say anything, just stomped away, which caught the attention of the older Hellfire members.

“I think she just stood up for us.” Grant said, eyebrows raised.

Gareth pressed his back against the brick wall and looked up at the tin of the sidewalk covers. “Fuck.” He shook his head as he breathed deeply.

“What, Emerson?” Eddie cocked a brow at Gareth’s pained expression.

“I don’t know. Like, this is going to be so hard. I’ve only been in love with her since kindergarten. Now she’s sitting at my lunch table, standing up for me and my friends, and she’s coming to my fucking house tonight. How am I supposed to do this?”

Eddie couldn’t help but to laugh at his friend's pained expression. “I usually don’t get in the middle of this crap, but, earlier I made a joke about it being date night. She got really defensive, and that’s fully a sign that she’s into you. Maybe just go for it?”

“You’re so full of shit, Munson. She’s just a nice person and didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.” He replied, finally pushing himself off the wall. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow at practice. Gotta get home so my parents can head out.”

Eddie and Grant mumbled their goodbyes before making their way to Eddie’s van.

It was currently 5:50 and you’d just pulled into the Emerson’s driveway with a passenger seat full of food and shakes. You released a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding before cutting the engine and getting out of the car. You’d barely made it to the passenger door when the glossy red door to the house flung open.

“Lori, get back here!” Gareth’s exhausted yell came as he chased her down the steps, not yet realizing you’d arrived. He scooped her up as she giggled.

“I was trying to see your friend!” Lori‘s giggles quickly turned into a whine when she realized her brother had no plans to put her feet back on the ground.

Gareth finally looked up, making eye contact with you as you rested your elbow on the roof of the car. “Hey, uh, sorry. One sec.” He finally returned Lori’s feet to the ground but made her look at him. “Go back inside. I’m going to help Y/N bring the food in and you can see her in there, okay?”

She pouted but nodded before walking slowly to the house.

“Someone’s got the dad voice down.” You smiled, bending to grab the bags as Gareth made his way over to you in a pair of grey sweat pants and a faded Metallica shirt.

“Yeah, well, someone had to be when my dad split a few years ago. Rick is nice though.” He replied, reaching to take the bags out of your hands.

You nodded, smiling as his skin brushed yours. “I think you’re doing a great job considering she actually listened.” You offered before bending back down to get the drink tray with the shakes.

Gareth planned on replying, but he was silenced by the sight of you bent over and the amount of leg coming out of the old practice cheer shorts you’d changed into. He watched you stand and bump the door with your hip to close it.

“C’mon Gare, shakes are melting.” You said, taking a few steps towards his house.

He nodded and followed wordlessly. This was going to be a lot harder than he thought.

As you and his sisters settled into the table Gareth apologized again that his sisters threw a fit to both sit next to you.

“They’re fine, Gareth. Tell your brother to stop worrying so much, Lori.”

“Yeah, stop worrying that much.” She sassed, making you laugh and Gareth roll his eyes.

“I don’t know how Clara expects me to help her with her food all the way over there.” He gave the youngest girl a look as if to say ‘didn’t think of that, did you’.

“I’ve got it. It’s just chicken and fries. She’s safe in my care.” You assured him as you opened the small styrofoam container to start tearing the strips into more manageable pieces for a two year old

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to.” He replied sincerely.

You sighed and turned to look at him. “Gareth, it’s okay to let people do stuff for you. If I minded I wouldn’t be doing it. Do you trust that?”

He was at a loss for words, only nodding in response.

“Good. Now eat your burger before it gets cold.” You instructed as you finished tearing the chicken. “One at a time, Clara. Don’t put another in your mouth until the first one is all gone, okay?”

The small girl with white curly hair and bright blue doe eyes nodded, reaching for a piece of her chicken.

You popped a fry into your mouth, fully ready to dive into your burger when there was a tap on your shoulder. You turned to see Lori looking at you with a pout.

“Can you do my chicken too? Pretty please.” She looked like she was scared you would say no.

“Of course, baby doll! Let me see.” You pulled her plate over to you and started ripping the chicken into bits.

“Lori, you eat strips all the time.” Gareth stated after swallowing a bite of his burger.

“Gareth, eat your burger and let her be. She wants my attention and that’s okay.” You assured him, cutting your eyes over to look at him across the table without moving your head very much.

“But your food is going to get cold.” He urged as you took on the second strip.

“We’ll call it practice for being a real mom one day. Cold food, cold coffee, hot ice cream.”

“Ew! Hot ice cream!” Lori laughed as you pushed her plate back towards her.

You couldn’t help but join in. Her laugh is tinkly like a fairy, contagious.

“Okay, alright, I won’t say anything else.” He raised his hands in surrender before going back to his food.

The rest of the meal went by quietly, ending with you spooning the girls' shared shake into separate cups.

Once dessert was had, it was bath time, resulting in your cheer camp t-shirt getting soaking wet.

“I am so sorry. Let me get you a shirt.” Gareth was red from embarrassment.

You, however, were still smiling. “Okay, Gare. I’ll get them dried off and changed, then I’ll come find you about the shirt.”

He nodded and left the bathroom.

“Are you my brother’s girlfriend?” Lori asked once she was sure Gareth was gone.

You giggled a bit and shook your head as you pulled her nightgown over her head. “No, baby doll, I’m not. We go to school together. He’s my friend.”

She nodded and her face twisted in thought. “Will you be his girlfriend?”

You gave her a soft smile. “Yeah, I hope so one day.” You winked at her before turning to help Clara into her nightgown. “Why don’t you girls go down stairs to the couch while I go find Gareth and change, hm?”

Lori nodded and took Clara’s hand to lead her away.

You sighed and pushed yourself from the floor.

It didn’t take much to figure out which door belonged to Gareth. He had various band stickers and drawings on the door. You knocked twice.

“Come in!” He called as he snagged his favorite Motley Crue shirt from the hanger. It may or may not have been for a fantasy he had not too long ago.

You opened the door and stepped in. “Hey, I sent the girls downstairs to get settled. Just came to grab the shirt. It’s starting to get a little chilly.” You chuckled at the end, leaning against the wall.

“Okay, great. Um, you can change here if you want. I can go get the movie ready.”

You nodded and stepped further into the room. “Yeah, thanks. I’ll be down in just a second.” You said taking the worn material from his hands. Once the door clicked closed you pulled your shirt over your head and unhooked your bra which was soaked through. You hoped the shirt would be big enough that the lack of bra wouldn’t be noticeable. What you didn’t think about though, was leaving the pile of damp clothes at the foot of the bed before walking out of the room and down stairs.

“Can I sit with you!” Lori yelled as she saw you finally descend the stairs.

“Of course, baby doll.” You smiled, glancing over at Gareth who managed to go a deep shade of red.

Maybe putting you into that shirt was one of his less than stellar ideas. His mind wandered back to the dream he had the other night of you, in the shirt, on top of him- He stopped his thoughts immediately before they became too much.

You settled next to him and let Lori climb into your lap as Gareth hit play on the Care Bears movie. You ran your fingers through the six year olds hair, eventually braiding it into a nice french braid before she fell asleep. You looked over to Clara who was dead asleep in Gareth’s lap.

He looked over at you and then up the stairs. “They won’t wake. They sleep pretty hard. Wanna take them up and get started?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” You smiled as you got a better grip on Lori. You followed Gareth up the stairs and pushed open Lori’s bedroom door. You laid her down gently in her princess bed sheets and covered her up before heading back to the hall to meet Gareth.

“You’re really good with them, you know.” He said, leading you back down the stairs and turning the light on.

“If I don’t go into art, I want to teach little ones.” You said, tucking a hair behind your ear.

“You could be the art teacher for the little ones.” Gareth offered. “Best of both worlds.”

“You’re so smart, you know that? That never crossed my mind.” You laughed a little, not believing you’d not thought of it before.

Gareth smiles as he bumped your shoulder. “Thanks. And when you do become an art teacher for little ones, make sure you credit me.” He winked before sitting on the floor at the coffee table.

You sat across from him, rolling your eyes at his joke. “I’ll put your name on the degree.” You said sarcastically as you pulled the questionnaire sheet from the spiral notebook.

Both of you took a second to look over the sheet before you spoke again.

“These are bullshit questions.” You said passively as you looked up from the bullet point asking ‘What is your partner’s favorite color.’

“Why do you say that?” He asked, putting his sheet down on the table.

You sighed and tapped your pen on your lip and you thought. “If I’m supposed to make an art piece based on you, what good is knowing your favorite food and color? I mean do I just draw a red cheeseburger? It’s so basic. Art is supposed to make you think. Make you feel something.” You emphasized before laying back on the floor.

Gareth laughed and scooted around to your side of the table to lay next to you. “You have a point, but how do you know my favorite color is red? I never told you.”

You turned your head to look at him rather than the ceiling. “I’ve lived 50 yards from you my whole life, we went to the same daycare, elementary, middle, and high school. Red is one of the few colors in your color palette. People don’t wear colors they don’t like.” You studied his face, taking in every freckle, every developing laugh line, every shade of blue and green in his eyes for the hundredth time, only this time you were much closer. It had much more of an effect on you.

“You’re very observant, you know.” His mouth ticked up into a lopsided smile as his eyes darted around your face.

“Which is you telling me that I’m right.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He laughed this time, making you smile. “You’re not as oblivious as you present yourself as. Why do you do that?” His brows furrowed as he questioned you.

You shrugged, debating your answer for a moment. “I do what I have to in order to make it where I want to go. You present yourself as a dark, twisty guy who doesn’t care about anything, yet you’ve got smile lines and you’re amazingly sweet with your sisters. Why do you do that?” You challenged with a playful smile.

“Self preservation. I’m a weird kid and if I come off as someone who’s easy to mess with, life would be a whole lot worse. So I keep myself far away from the people who don’t deserve to know me.” He explained, his eyes holding a look that you couldn’t quite place.

Before you could stop yourself you asked, “Do I deserve to know you?”

His eyes that held your gaze flickered down to your lips and back up. “Yeah. Do I deserve to know you?”

You nodded, unable to resist the urge to reach over and rest your hand on the side of his face.

The moment was quiet, intimate, and gone far too quickly as his mom and stepdad came into the house.

“Gareth, whose car is in the drive-“ his mothers voice cut off as she walked in on the innocent scene because she could feel the tension between her son and the girl laying on the floor.

You snatched your hand away quickly and looked at the woman in the doorway, praying she wouldn’t berate you for being there.

“Mom. Hey. I told you Y/N was coming by for the art project.” He was red, not from a blush but from panic. His heartbeat was thundering in his ears so loud he thought it must have been audible.

She nodded and smirked. “Alright, well, carry on then.” She turned and walked into the kitchen where her husband was digging around in the pantry. “They’re going to get married. I’m calling it now.”

“Gwen, you can’t be serious. You haven’t even spoken to the girl.” He turned to look at her before glancing through the doorway to see the girl in question gathering her things.

“A mother knows.” She patted his chest and gave him the look. The look that said you-know-I’m-right.

Gareth walked with you out the door and to your car. “I’ll see you on Monday. Be careful.” He opened your door for you and watched you get in.

“If I wreck going three houses down the street, I probably don’t need a license.” You joked as you looked up at him, taking in the way the moonlight bounced off of the high points of his face.

“Be careful.” His tone was a bit more authoritative than before, making your insides turn.

“I will be.” You promised before smirking. “Do you want me to call you when I get there so you know I got in okay?” You teased lightly, making him roll his eyes.

“Just for that, I sure do. If my phone’s not ringing in 5 minutes I’m coming down there.” He was smiling, laughing at the way you scrunched up your nose at him before sticking your tongue out.

“Maybe I won’t call then.”

“Are you testing me?”

“I guess you’ll find out.”

“I guess I will.” He winked and closed the door to your car before walking towards the door. He stood there, watching you back out of the driveway thinking about how easy it was with you. It was easy to be himself. He finally went inside to wait for your call.

#gareth emerson #gareth the great #gareth x reader #Gareth Emerson x reader #gareth emerson fanfic #gareth emerson smut #Gareth Emerson fan fiction #stranger things fan fiction #stranger things #stranger things fan fict

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rollercoasterwords · 1 month

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ok personal top 5 least favorite responses 2 lambpost:

1. terfs going ‘woman moment’ -> your politics are rooted in a fundamental reinvestment in the very sex binaries that undergird patriarchal power & your analysis of this post is shallow & mean-spirited. immediate block

2. ‘get therapy LOL’ -> health itself is a social construct as is mental health & therapy is not a neutral institution. your assumption that anything deemed strange/abnormal/uncomfortable must be the result of an emotional state in need of ‘fixing’ indicates a lack of critical self-reflection as to how and within what institutional confines your own ideas about what is ‘normal’ & ‘healthy’ have developed

3. ‘wait is this deep & meaningful or is it weird & horny i can’t tell’ -> your inability to reconcile the fact that the erotic can be meaningful & the grotesque sexual paired with your assumption that art must have a single, fundamental True meaning is tiresome

4. ‘oh yeah well i’m NOT the priest’s favorite sacrificial lamb because i bite & kick & fight back’ etc etc -> ok. why r u on the priest’s favorite sacrificial lamb post then

5. ‘clearly the Actual Meaning of this post is X & anyone interacting w it in a different way is a freak/brain damaged/incapable of critical thought/etc’ -> do u enjoy the pedestal u have built for urself. does it make u feel special.

personal top 5 favorite responses 2 lambpost:

1. this comic by @honeyedheartss -> beautiful & i am always thinking abt it <3

2. these tags by @unclemagnemite -> genuinely a fresh & fun interpretation i had not considered which added something new 2 my own experience of a post i wrote. also very funny

3. people making webweave posts w supernatural & succession characters -> this is what social media is meant for. also ur so right that character is definitely the priest’s favorite sacrificial lamb…

4. this fanart by @penaltyboxboxbox -> idk who that man is or why he’s the favorite sacrificial lamb but i think it’s so cool how his guts r out

5. this comment on tiktok -> let’s all hold hands & become alpha wolfs. together <3

#lambpost #have read so many comments on so many different social media platforms over the past 48 hrs. this is my main takeaway #also 2 be clear not trying 2 say people aren’t allowed 2 be annoying abt lambpost obv that just comes w sharing art…#like yeah u can interpret it & take from it whatever u want. however sometimes i will think it’s annoying lmao #txt

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ponett · 1 year

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Hello, wanted to say thank you, I'm really glad I found your work and I find your insights very helpful.

I wanted to ask something strange, as someone who has gone out of their way to dedicate a very detailed blog to the works of an outspoken artist, can you give me advice how to maintain healthy distance with ideas and individuals I might outright oppose, but have morbid sense of curiosity about them? Or it it just better to not indulge at all?

It's a difficult balance to achieve, and I won't pretend I've always been perfect about it on TKP

The thing is that you have to not obsess over the person too much. You have to focus on their work, not detailing every single thing they've ever done or said to keep receipts on them. You do not, under any circumstances, want to turn into the freaks who make and watch hundred hour long "documentaries" on CWC and Sonichu, or the people who run the Bad Webcomics Wiki

The point is to do media criticism, not to make a callout blog. Details the artist has shared about their life may sometimes help inform your reading of the work - art isn't made in a vacuum, and artists' life experiences and worldviews often shape their art. But you don't need to pry too much and piece together their full life story and psychoanalyze them if that information isn't already available in an autobiography or whatever

On TKP, one of the most important things I do to try and keep that distance is simple: I don't follow Penders on Twitter. I don't need to know every single thing he says, nor do I need to report on it. I'll check in when I hear he's made some kind of announcement regarding his work, and when looking for behind the scenes info I'll sometimes term search on his Twitter because he's far more vocal about what happened behind the scenes than the rest of that creative team, but that's it. I'm not thinking about him every day. I also haven't gone in-depth on his non-Sonic work to help drive home the idea that TKP is a blog about the American Sonic comics with a quippy url, not a blog about shitting on Penders

(On that note: I don't interact with him directly, either. I do not need to dunk on him in his Twitter replies. I do not need to lure him into an interview where I totally own him. I am not sending him my criticism like he owes it to me to read it and improve his work. I leave the guy alone)

As the blog has gone on I've also tried much harder to be objective about him and his work. I'll admit that early on, before the blog blew up, I was eager to see what all the drama was about and why everybody hated the guy. But my goal isn't just to find excuses to hate on him, or to spread baseless gossip, and that shouldn't be the mindset you go in with. I've offered praise for some of his work where I thought it was deserved, and I frequently correct people on misunderstandings about him and the lawsuits, even defending him on certain points

This is an extremely basic and hopefully obvious element of good media criticism, but it should also be said that just because an artist depicts something doesn't necessarily mean they endorse it, and that your goal isn't to piece together the artist's beliefs based on their work and then call them out over it. It can go the other way around - you can analyze how an artist's stated beliefs and values are reflected in their work - but, like, Penders writing a story where Knuckles decides to forgive his shitty fascist uncle for no reason does not mean that Penders is a Nazi apologist. It's just a story.

Again: your main goal should be to criticize the work, not the artist

And, of course, a huge factor is simply how famous the creator in question is (and also if the creator is still alive). You wanna do a deep dive on the works of Steve Ditko and criticize his Randian objectivism? Go nuts, buddy! You wanna shit all over Lovecraft? Have at it! Wanna tear apart the neoliberal politics of Harry Potter? Well, okay, Shrieking Shack already did that one. But if the person you're thinking of doing a sprawling, in-depth teardown on is, like, a smalltime webcomic author? Some hobbyist indie dev? A fanfic writer? That sort of thing? Hell, even someone in the middle like a cartoon storyboarder, or a freelance writer who does articles for Kotaku sometimes? Maybe reconsider. Just because someone's online doesn't mean they're a Public Figure, and there's a line where a deep critical dive on someone's work quickly turns into painting a target on their back

(This ended up being more about Criticism than how to just engage with stuff you hate, but also you can just, like. Look away. And find something else spend your time thinking about.)

#bluebobo3 #ask

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the-phantom-author · 1 year

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Hasan Piker | Dad headcanons

I’ve done it. I made them, it took so long. Enjoy.

@starsyoubreaklikesugardust

Hasan and Skin on Skin in the hospital. He’s just this big man sipping on his juice, my man definitely passed out at least once during the birth, with his little baby boy sleeping on his chest. Hasan is also probably sleeping. Everyone in the hospital room has had a long day, but it’s a peaceful few minutes.

He’s so soft and gentle with the baby. It genuinely surprised him with how small the boy is. Like he’s seen newborns before, he even held them. But his own kid??? It has to be a Big Boy, I mean your stomach was so large when you were pregnant. So when he first held it, it blew his mind, and also unlocked the new fear of how easy it could be to harm him.

He likes to stare at you before, but now anytime he see you with the kid he actually just stops for two to three minutes to watch the two of you. It does not matter where you all are or what is going on, he’s just obsessed with his new little family.

It was decided that you would go on shifts with the kid, he’d take the day and you the night. His job makes it easy for him to be able to get up when he’s in the middle of something and take care of the kid, and it also makes sure that you're able to recover.

This leads to a lot of the baby being on stream, and Hasan has mixed feelings about that. Ultimately it’s decided that The kid can be on stream but everyone knows that his name is not to be said anywhere online. Insead the kid is called different pet names, a lot of Turkish ones.

Also when Hasan has guest on the stream, you can bet that they are holding that baby. Austen, Will, QT, Rae, everyone. He’s just a social little boy, and he loves being with people. Like he’ll babble at people when their holding him, not his father though he’s just so entranced with that man.

One of these bitches being in the streaming room, There will just be segments where he could be talking about some super serious political stuff and there is just a baby looming in the background.

The chat constantly undermining him when he says the baby needs to do something. Like they be typing things like “Let him speak” anytime they baby is on stream or “Ask him first” when Has is getting ready to put him down for a nap.

One of the most notable changes to the stream format is that there is now a section where the kid gets to talk about something random for like 10 minutes. Sometimes it’s about things he’s learned, other times the kid is just like “Cows moo '' Hasan gets so into it and loves encouraging it. Always asking for more.

Anytime this kid is on stream he’s offering his snacks to the people around him. Hasan is the only person who always takes the food, but most people take it most of the time.

Chat also freaks out everytime when He babbles into the microphone. They also lose their shit when he says his first on stream. Honestly no one’s ready.

Speaking of the baby talking, he is raised in a bilingual house. Hasan is adamant on the kid knowing turkish, you also take up learning it. The look he gives on you when you say anything in his first language. He just loves you so much.

Hasan is also obsessed with holding the kid. Like as a newborn, this kid is just in Has’s arms whenever possible. He’s holding this kid like a football all the time, it’s really one of the only holds the kid likes. He also is constantly wearing a baby carrier, he forgets that he’s wearing most of the time. He’ll go one stream and just see a chatter mentioning it and he's like ”Oh shit”.

As the kid gets a bit older the kid likes to mess with Hasan’s beard. He’s entranced with it. It’s a bit annoying at first but Hasan grows to love it, to the point of learning how to talk/rant while making faces.

I personally don’t think that the kid would have a favorite, but i do think that he would pick up on Hasan habits more than yours. Like the kid would start staring at you, he doesn’t like biting his fingernails but he does like putting his hands in his mouth.

Hasan is an arts and crafts dad.

Like he’s doing the finger painting, the macaroni noodle art, He’s making matching bracelets for all three of you. When I was in kindergarten we made these Santa Ornaments out of clay. There is definitely at least one of them.

More about those bracelets, the are from those bracelets kits that you make on you can buy at any store. They have little charms on them, one for each of you, and have little nicknames spelled on them. Hasan’s has “papa bear” , the kids says “lil bear” and so on.

Also Hasan loves putting the boy in jewelry, honestly is basically a love language at this point. He just finds so much joy in having his little baby decked out in his absurdly large necklaces. Same goes for his hats and clothes. They just drown the kid.

On the topic of clothes, Hasan loves matching his son. Its another love language of his. He’d wake up with the baby and let him out what shirt to wear, then he’d change the kid into something that matches. There are some days when all three of you are matching, not like you're all wearing the same shirt but like it's the same color scheme or shoes.

Hasan is also obviously a PTA parent, there is not a meeting he’s not at. He’d be there with his youngest attached to him, just verbally attacking others ``Valery, not only is your pie bad but your ideas are stupid. You aren't even considering the fact that there are people, children, who live outside of the district that your proposal will affect. Or did you not consider that.” and “You can’t cook worth shit” it’s a whole job in itself to get him to stop cursing when making a point.

I mentioned going to family owned/hole-in-the- wall places when dating, but when he y’all have a family? Museum trips all the time, The family owned restaurants? They know you three so well to the point of the owner treating you like family themselfs.

Everytime he walks past his kid, no matter what he’s doing, he could be on an important phone call, he’s saying to the kid. He makes it a point to always stop and say “hello” while waving. This is the main reason why his son's first steps are because he wasn't greeted when Hasan was walking past him to go back on stream. The kid obviously follows him, Hasan does see him once he’s sat down, he of course picks him up and starts to talk to him, it is then that he realizes that his kid went from one room to another without anyone helping him. He gets super excited.

It is at this point the kid becomes a little pest. He’s always interrupting everything, streams, videos, calls, whatever. He comes in shots ``Papa look” and hands him something random, leaves, rocks, cords, just random things he’s found in the house or in the backyard. He once brought him a bug that was alive, which made for a fun clip.

This kid also has this habit of running up to the microphone saying “Hi” and running off. Hasan will always run after to bring him back on stream, it's always a good laugh.

When the boy starts saying curse words, because he really is so much like his dad, you make it Hasan’s job to have the kid understand when the correct time to use those kinds of words are. It’s just Hasan getting on knees in the middle of a store to explain to his son why shouting “fuck” after dropping and breaking a container of pickles in the store is not the right time or place for that kind of language.

Big fan of mentioning the baby on podcast. He’ll be on Chadvice and say things like ”Chat you can trust me, I mean look, I’m a real man, I have family. You can trust me.” You could catch him on the Fear& podcast just holding the baby while Will keeps asking the bay for his opinions.

He is a family man, you know that he is constantly taking pictures of both you and the kid. When the two of you are napping together? He takes like five. Making dinner together as a family, he gets so many pictures, anytime his hands aren't full he’s taking one. As do you, He has the kid and is entertaining him and doesn’t release that you're up? You have so many pictures of him playing with his son and the trucks. Hasan and his son are in the pool? you definitely have like a hundred photos of that.

Hasan takes the kid to basketball practice with him, always making sure that the kid gets at least one score each time. He holds the boy while the boy has a ball in his grasp, just walking up to the basket so the kid can score. Everyone who is there makes it a big deal.

The kid not wanting to go from his crib to a big boy bed? It’s decided that the thing to do is sleeping in the bed with the kid until he knows that it's safe to sleep there alone, and on nights when Hasan is the one to sleep with the boy, you bet all 6’5 of him is scrunched up on a twin bed, it makes for such a funny sight.

#hasan #hasanabi #hasan piker #hasan x reader #hasanabi x reader #hasan piker x reader #my writing

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