#and often tries to cover their mistakes up in fear that people will react negatively if they find out the truth
Text
[Major Omori spoilers]
A common criticism of Omori is that the plan Basil came up with is too "edgy" or just unbelievable, but I feel like the people who think that are looking at this scene with the wrong glasses.
Yes, when you look at it from a third-person perspective, after learning how Mari's suicide deeply affected everyone and, I assume, as an adult (I highly doubt kids are playing this game), the plan seems very irrational and stupid. And indeed it is. Because that's the kind of plan a kid would come up with if put in such an extreme situation.
Let me use an example that will be understandable for most people, I hope. Imagine you're cooking something in the kitchen, something that requires really hot oil, like fried potatoes. Suddenly, a fire breaks out. If this is the first time this happens, and you're prone to getting anxiety, your first thought is going to be pouring water on the fire. Anyone familiar with kitchen hazards knows that pouring water on a grease fire will make the fire spread and become worse. But you need two important things to be able to act accordingly in this situation: one is the knowledge of what your actions will lead to (in this case the fire becoming worse if you pour water onto it), and two, the ability to calm down so you can make the best decision.
Sunny and Basil had none of those when Mari died. They panicked and, unable to look at the situation with a clear mind, they made everything worse.
And this is not your average 'oh I got a little nervous and made a mistake' scenario. This is a scenario where you, unwillingly and completely on accident, killed someone. Someone that you, and many people around you, deeply loved. As the player, you're observing the situation from a place where you can judge their actions objectively, without any emotions that would tamper with your decisions.
But when you're in the middle of that kind of situation you don't have time to think about it. You're overwhelmed with very strong and negative feelings. Sunny completely shuts himself down, and possibly forces his mind to forget what just happened, the same way he forgets about the closet or Basil's room after he kills himself. Basil, on the other hand, denies that Sunny had pushed his sister down the stairs, and blames "something behind him'", leading him to believe that if someone discovers Mari's dead body, they'll "unjustly" put the blame on Sunny, so he opts for what he thinks is the best solution - lie about her death.
Maybe Basil thought of some other way they could lie to get away with her death, or maybe suicide was the only possibility on his mind at that time. Whatever is the case, we know the decision they took. Or rather the decision Basil took, since it's entirely plausible that Sunny had completely closed himself off and was just following Basil's instructions.
When you see it from the comfort of your chair, all their actions seem really bad, if not terrible, given how Mari's supposed suicide makes the group's friendship crumble. But that is a very unfair treatment of the situation and of their feelings. You’re asking two kids, who are already very shy and anxious, to deal with one kind of situation that I don’t even think an adult could handle well. If what they did seems unrealistic to you, you haven’t fully grasped how traumatic and stressful it must have been for them, and for any other person.
When I first learned the truth, I couldn’t stop asking myself: "what would have I done if this had happened to me?" But that's a question I am not allowed to answer, as I've never had something so tragic happen to me. And that's where the true horror of the game lies, in the fact that this could happen to anyone. Maybe not to such an extreme degree, but making one mistake, hurting someone you love in consequence, and feeling guilty about it is a very real thing to go through, one that I'm sure many have already experienced.
Sunny and Basil were just kids, they made the wrong decision and were forced to live with the unimaginable pain and guilt of their actions. To call their behavior irrational is to deny how humanly they acted in that situation. And after all, to err is human, and what they did was just a terrible mistake.
#omori#m#couldn't fit this anywhere but i also want to add that. as someone who gets very nervous when they make a mistake#and often tries to cover their mistakes up in fear that people will react negatively if they find out the truth#what sunny and basil did hits very close to home#maybe this is something that only people with social anxiety or similar can understand so its important to point it out#so people who are more confident/are good at taking decisions in stressful situations understand that for us anxious folks it's v different#i mean im the kind of person who would definitely panic and pour water if a grease fire broke out so....#anyway this is super long sorry im just having many thoughts about this game
54 notes
·
View notes
Text
S o u l m a t e | oneshot
▶ summary: One day you feel a heath spreading through your body. You don’t know what this means, until you finally see him... Your soulmate.
▶ genre: slight angst, fluff, smut (Wolf!au | soulmate!au)
▶ word count:
▶ warnings: Alpha Jungkook, Omega reader, mentions of rape/drugs, physical pain, heath, impregnating, mating, knotting, imprinting, oral, swearing, degrading, wall-sex, floor-sex, choking.
▶ A/N: heyyy, this is my first story on this account :). Hope y’all will like it! Basically is this just a story about wolf soulmates going at it, sooooo... enjoy? HAHA
It was a hot and blooming summer when it happened. It was late noon when you were quitely washing some dishes in your apartment. It was indeed quiet, even peacefully I might add. The water was rushing over a cup as you were working hard on removing that one irritating spot. The day had been just as placid. You have run your errands after meeting up with some friends at a local park.
‘You are looking a bit pale y/n, are you okay?’ your best friend asked. You frown at her, ‘Yeah I am alright’. You replied, but you deep down knew something was up. Since the moment you had stepped out of your bed that morning, your senses were heightened. Something was coming, but you couldn’t quite figure out if this were to be positive or negative. You had shrugged off this creeping feeling for the rest of the day. With every minute you could feel it getting worse, but you continued shrugging it off. ‘It must be a little summer flue...’ You had mumbled to yourself as you were trying to focus back on your dishes.
You couldn’t really describe it. It was this heath from your core, burning hotter by the second. It wasn’t anything like your heath, because you have had those a few times already. It wasn’t the time for it too, so why are you feeling this strong urge? And what is the urge for? These kind of questions kept popping up in your head as you finally finished your duties for the day. It was only when you put away the last dish, you yelled very loudly.
Your body was suddenly on fire from the inside and you couldn’t help yourself but to let yourself lay down on the cold floor. Your pulse was high and your body was covered in sweat. ‘What the fuck is going on?’ you yelled out, trying to get a grip on yourself. It wasn’t long before you totally blacked out, losing to the strong sickening feeling.
‘What the hell happened?’ Jimin asks Jungkook worryingly as Jungkook finally opened his eyes . Jungkook sits up first, rubbing his eyes as his vision was a bit blurry. He looks up to his towering older friend Jimin, frowning as he tries to stabalize his body. ‘You just suddenly blacked out’, Jimin elaborates and that made Jungkook even more confused. Jungkook looks around him and notices they are located on a sidewalk near the center of the city. Jungkook tries to recall what had happened before he blacked out, but couldn’t remember anything about a life-threatening situation. As he is an alpha, it also couldn’t be his health. So what happened?
‘I really don’t know hyung, the only thing that I can remember is that I have had a weird feeling all day’, Jungkook explains as Jimin helps him get up to his feet. ‘What sort of feeling?’ Jimin asks. ‘Well, I just feel some kind of heath in my core and a weird urge to go east.’. Jimin looks even more confused than before. They both continued to walk down the street, heading to their new apartment they had bought together. ‘I don’t know man, maybe there is some coke left in your system from yesterday’, Jimin laughed as he gave Jungkook a pat on the shoulder. Jungkook hissed at that, showing that Jimin has gone too close to his boundaries. Though Jimin is older, Jungkook is the alpha and will always hold authority.
Jimin and Jungkook both came from the same school and both their packs were very close with each other, so they connected in a very brotherly way. Jimin as a beta and Jungkook as an alpha. Their classes would clash pretty much all the time and would Jungkook have to correct Jimin more often than not. But for a pack is this pretty normal. It is also Jungkook’s job to keep everyone in place and to make them aware who is the boss. Though this is a very primary instinct of Jungkook, it isn’t something he likes to do. He only corrects his pack when he has to.
‘The only thing I can imagine is that your soulmate is nearby’, Jimin suggested and Jungkook let out a little chuckle. ‘That rarely ever happens and I can hardly imagine it would make me faint’, he reasons and Jimin agrees.
They finally arrive at the apartment block as Jungkook can feel the same heath returning to his body. His senses have now shifted to the north, as if the thing he urges has moved. He looks confused around him. There is no person to be seen, only a few buildings. He couldn’t help but to set his focus on the north, looking at the building across. He can feel it, he is supposed to be there. But why? What can be in that building that is this important, that every fiber in his body urges for it?
A loud uneasy noise fills your room just when the light of dawn hits your window. Early, it is very early. You haven’t been awake this early for 2 months when your school year ended. But here you are again, up and ready to begin a new year. Though you are excited for it, the uneasy feeling hasn’t left you. It didn’t go down at all, maybe it even worsened. You hadn’t fainted from it though, like a week back. Luckily your roommate came home just a few minutes after, discovering your body laying helplessly against the kitchen tiles. She is human and in a world where the wolves are hidden, her logical response was to call the emergency number.
The separation of the two kinds has been here for a long time. The threat your kind holds over the humans always has been a big problem. Many wars have past for the wolves to realize that humans can’t live with the idea of a superior species living among them. With technology still developing, which could make great damage to you, was there a collective decision to hide for the humans. As centuries past, humans were quick to forget the many wars you have fought.
Many believe werewolves are just a fable and you like to keep it this way. So when your roommate was waiting for the ambulance to arrive and you came back to your senses, you were quick to call off the ambulance. ‘What are you doing? You just blacked out, you need medical help!’, your roommate yelled out in disbelieve. You tried to explain nothing is going on and you weren’t in any sort of pain. ‘I just haven’t eaten yet today, nothing else’. It took you a while to calm her down and you can’t blame her. You would probably react the same way if it was you who found her like that. A wolf is just way stronger and build different, so when they would examine you in the hospital, someone would definitely get suspicious.
The past week your roommate has been keeping an eye on you. She made sure you were eating enough. It is like having a mother all over again, while it was your intention to escape being nursed all the time. Although you got quite annoyed with her this past week, you couldn’t help but to appreciate her at the same time. What a world it would be if humans could live without fear for your kind like this. Needing such harsh adjustments to the point you can’t be who you are, only to protect yourself is just lunatic. But it is a rule all packs live by and you aren’t one to break these rules.
Your feet hit the cold wooden floor of your cozy room. 7:00 am, reads your alarm clock located on your nightstand. A sigh leaves your lips as you build up the courage to begin the day. Your first day of the new school year was going to be promising. A lot of classes are added and you will be with a new group of people. Your old class was great too, but you are in need for some change. With this constant burning feeling in your core you have had for the past week, you know something will definitely be different.
You go along your usual morning routine before picking your new favurite outfit. You packed your books and got out to the living room, where your roommate was peacefully eating some cereal.
‘Good morning!’, you great her, and she throws you a smile back. ‘Morning babe! You are looking so great!’, She comments, nudging at your clothing. You give her a wink,’Yeah I got it last week, thought I give myself a few nice things before starting the school year’. Your roommate agrees before she resumed eating her breakfast.
Jimin sighs upon seeing Jungkook’s sweaty body. He is cramped up in his bed, a frown on his face as he made little wines in his sleep. Tossing and turning has been a reoccurring theme these past few days. Jimin doesn’t know what to do with him. It looks like he is sick, but being a very strong guy and an alpha, is sickness very rare. So what’s going on?
He gives Jungkook a small nudge on his shoulder, waking him up softly. Jimin isn’t about to make the same mistake as yesterday. Jimin woke up Jungkook a bit more aggressive and Jungkook lashed out immediately, giving Jimin a little cut on his cheek. He would have pouted at Jungkook, whom would apologize for his weird behavior.
‘First day at school Cookie, get up’, he taunted in his ear, lowering to Jungkook’s level. Jungkook grunted as he slowly wakes up, turning around to look at his hyung. He lets out a sigh before sitting up straight, hands finding his face as he rubs his eyes. ‘Hyung I can’t do this any longer, my body feels so hot all the time’, Jungkook starts complaining and Jimin sits next to him, sighing along. ‘I know Jungkookie, but I am sure it will fly over. Maybe today will get your mind on other things’, Jimin says, trying to elevate the mood. Jungkook lets out a growl under his breath, anger suddenly building up in his body. Jimin immediately gets off the bed to give Jungkook space, which was a right move because Jungkook grabs a book laying beside him before throwing it through the room. ‘I just don’t fucking want this anymore! Why is this happening to me?!’, Jungkook yells in frustration. Jimin sighs again ‘I don’t know Jungkook, but acting like this won’t solve anything. Why don’t you focus on your new school? There will be a lot of great omega’s there for you to get your anger out on’, Jimin suggested, and he notices Jungkook’s ears perking up by that. Jimin chuckles before making his way out of the room. ‘I guess that wouldn’t hurt’, Jungkook mutters under his breath before getting out of bed and starting his day with a shower.
It’s 8:30 am when you arrive at your first class of the day. A few other students were already seated in the lecture hall. You could smell the difference of people looming around. A few humans, but also a few wolves were located inside the room. As you are an omega yourself, some wolves stand a threat against you. Though you have learned how to avoid other alpha’s and beta’s, you have had your fair share of degrading in your life. But because you are in a room full of humans, degrading isn’t allowed for any of the wolves. That way your species gets protected. So you aren’t scared to walk into a lecture hall full of wolves, because you know they won’t do anything.
You take a seat somewhere in the middle where no one is around and start to unpack. It was when you were finished setting up, your brewing hotness of the past week suddenly turns up a notch. You frown at yourself as you feel your stomach. Your skin is somewhat on fire and you begin to feel very uncomfortable. You wiggle around on your spot, almost squirming at this feeling. The thing you have urged for is coming closer. You begin to look around you furiously, but not knowing what you’re looking for. Fuck what is going on with me.
And it was then that it hits you. A story your grandma told you long ago finally serviced. She told you about having a soulmate and that everyone has them. When they come closer, your whole body comes in action. You have the urge to go to them and if you don’t, your body will try to fight your will. She explained that every soulmate couple has a different reaction to that. For her and grandpa it was feeling a very harsh headache. For you it was heath. It is your soulmate, it has to be your soulmate. Are you even ready for this? Do you want to commit to someone this early on? What if he is aggressive or worse, what is he’s an alpha? That won’t be a happy relationship, that will be endless terror.
As the heath began spreading through your body and your head spinning with horrific thoughts, you automaticlly started packing all your stuff. You were scared for what might come, what person your soulmate might be. It might be the end of you, but you know just as well that the feeling won’t stop until you see him. So, you will see him, for one second and then you will go your separate ways.
Then the feeling suddenly stopped. A shiver goes through your body as you look at the entrance door. There he is. Your hearth started to race as the both of you looked at one another, inspecting each others features. The first thing you notice is the glow around his body, something you have never seen with anyone else. He looks like some kind of Norse god. He is also tall, muscular and... You take a small sniff his way... he is an alpha. Though that thought saddens you, you can’t help yourself but be mesmerized by his enchanting features. This is it, this is your soulmate. But this won’t be something to be happy about, he is an alpha and you know about the horrifying stories. They aren’t nice to their soulmates and being an omega is only worse. So with that note, you stand up, cutting off your eye contact and walking towards the opposite exit.
Jungkook stands there dumbfounded. He looks at you as you walk away. Your beautiful figure just disappearing behind the exit door. Jimin nudges him, getting Jungkook out of his trans. ‘So I guess it was a soulmate think’, Jimin comments and Jungkook nods slowly. ‘Yeah, I guess’. Jungkook kept staring at the door, not getting out of his trans. The moment he saw you, his burning feeling stopped. Instead, something else far more romantic and sexual opened. The urge has now turned so primal that he couldn’t do anything than staring. If he had made a step towards you, he would’ve turned on his wolf. That’s why he choice to let you walk out of that room. He isn’t ever letting you go away again after this, and he was going to make you aware of that.
‘Go after her Cookie’, Jimin says as he nudges Jungkook again. With that Jungkook comes out of his train of thought and starts running out of the classroom. He wasn’t going to let you leave. You were now his, you aren’t allowed to leave. All these thoughts ran through Jungkook’s head as he sprinted through the school. His eyes turned blue as his wolf tried to get out, so he had to hide them when running past humans. He needed to claim you within the hour and finding you wouldn’t be an issue. Your scent has been planted in his brain while the both of you were staring at one another. He knew you were close, but you were also running. A smirk was creeping up his face, kind of liking the chase. You are putting up a fight, meaning you will be able to handle his alpha side. He needs someone to fight, otherwise it will just be boring.
You almost let your keys fall when you try to open your front door. You can smell him getting closer with the second. It’s as if you can locate his being, which is not something you were ever able to do on such distance. You were quick to close the door behind you and to run to your room. Somehow you feel like you can’t hide within your apartment, as if he is already here. But how? How did he get in? You scan your room, but then your heart stops. His body radiates behind your body and you feel is breath tickle your neck. This is it, now he will rape you. He will make you his bitch and you won’t ever get to live another happy day. Your eyes close in fear and your whole body stiffens against his body.
You waited. You are expecting for him to pick you up and throw you on the bed. But nothing comes. Not after one minute, two minutes. You feel yourself calm down as time passes by. Why is he not doing anything? Is he just waiting until I let my guard down before attacking me? Is he maybe different? No he can’t be, all alphas want is to ruin omegas.
5 minutes passes with him standing behind you and not doing anything. Then you felt something else creeping up your spine. Something you didn’t let through because of your anguish towards him. It feels very sexual, very primal and romantic. The urge you felt towards him has returned, but in a way that you only witness during heath. Although heath is way more sexual, this goes beyond that. Your heart starts racing again, but this time it isn’t because you are scared. You long for him. You r whole being wants to be with him, but you can’t help yourself but to rationalize against it. No, they are all bad.
He sighs against your neck, causing pleasure to shoot through your body. You can’t stop your shivers and the heath that is growing between your legs. It’s an instinct so deep within you, there is no use stopping it. He reacts with a chuckle as he lets a hand slide over your delicate waist. ‘Why were you scared?’, he asks and you immediately notice his soft but low arousing voice. Every fiber on your body is heightened and his little touches aren’t helping you in any way. Trying to focus on his question, you answer: ‘You’re an alpha. I am scared you will treat me bad’. Jungkook frowns at your thought, knowing that he won’t ever hurt you in his life. It has only been a 30 minutes since he had met you, but the way he feels about you is indescribable. It’s a feeling of protectiveness, love and urge that combines his feelings for you. He will not ever hurt you.
‘What you feel right now, is what I also feel. I will never hurt you’.
Though this might be an empty promise, you can feel he is speaking the truth. With that you dare to turn around to face him, him keeping his hand around your waist. His handsome eyes immediately find yours. You can finally memorize all his closest features he has to offer. His facial features are amazingly handsome and his lips look so kissable. You can’t help but to reach up to his soft fluffy hair, grabbing the ear band that hides his soft wolf features. He is a black wolf with blue eyes, an amazing combination and you can’t help but to feel the need to mate with him. Your offspring will be so strong and beautiful. Your hand moves down to his cheek, which he leans his head against, closing his eyes in approval.
‘Your name?’, you ask as you pull your hand away. ‘Jeon Jungkook, you?’, he questions and you instantly remember his packs name. It’s a pretty large and respectable pack, something you aren’t apposed to. ‘I am y/full/n’, you answer, and he smiles at hearing the familiar pack names. Though the packs aren’t close, they won’t be mad about this. Everything just seems aligned.
He takes a little step closer as his hand now rests on your back, pressing you against his chest. You don’t fear him anymore and you feel comfortable being in his arms. ‘I know we just met, but I have the strongest urge I to claim you right now’, he confesses. And it was then that you felt something grow against your pelvis. You can’t help but to snort at that, but at the same time you felt the same thing. It’s as if you need to seal the deal. He needs to imprint himself in you, so everyone knows who you belong to. The thought of that spread a heath throughout your body. Jungkook smiled at you as he notices your body heath going up and your heartbeat racing. ‘I take that as a positive’.
He pulls you up by your waist as he swings you over his shoulder. He closes the door of your room before letting you fall on the bed. You can’t help but admire the way he easily pulled you up like that. Your omega wolf felt protected and only an alpha like Jungkook could make you feel this way. He pulls off his shirt he was wearing before joining you on the bed. Your eyes take in all of his muscular torso, knowing he will be railing you with it in just a few minutes.
He pulls apart your legs before positioning between them. You eagerly want to hold on to him, but he was quick to grab your wrists and plant them beside your head. You are taken aback by his action as a small yelp left your lips. ‘You really think I wasn’t going to punish you for the little escape you pulled?’ He taunted as he leans down beside your ear. His breath fanning against your neck got you shivering all over again and your pussy started to throb under his body. You could practically feel Jungkook’s smirk as he knew what effect he has on you. Though you want to wipe that smirk off his face, you knew he was right. You were disobedient and the alpha needs to put you in your place. Luckily is his punishment not that bad.
‘Good girl’, he purrs in your ear, complimenting your behavior. ‘You will do as I please when I fuck this little body of yours, okay?’. You nod eagerly, wanting him to do everything to you. It’s in your blood to obey him and this way you both get what you want.
He let go of your wrists and takes a little bit of time to take all of your clothed body in. Your eyes look so desperate and oh... the sweet smell of your pussy waving in the air drives him crazy. Jungkook lets out a very low grunt, making your body ache for him. You let out a whine as you begin to fidget on the spot, uncomfortably trying to releave yourself He was quick to growl at you, signing that you can’t move and you have to obey him.
‘You desperate little bitch, you want to get fucked so badly?’, he asks and you nod. ‘Use your words’, he commands. ‘Yes alpha...’. He smirks pleased, before he grabs your top and rips it off of you. You let out a small yelp, but before you knew it you were in your underwear and your clothing ripped on the floor. Though you normally would care for this, you were so ready to be mated that you really didn’t mind. He flips you around on your belly before propping your ass up in the air. His clothed length found its way against your ass as he started dry humping against you. You couldn’t help but moan upon feeling his cock gliding against your pussy. instinctively you arch your back further against his cock, making you feel his amazing length. He is for sure large and will fill you up so good.
‘Hmm, you like that baby? You want this cock to fill you up?’ He purrs before laying his upper body against your back. He began leaving kisses on your neck, making your body shiver. Small moans leave your mouth, feeling so happy to be close to him. Jungkook also lets out groans against your skin and you can’t wait for him to give you his pups.
‘Please’, you start begging as his cock doesn’t stop teasing you. He chuckles against you, loving to tease you like this. ‘You want my cock?’, he asks as he grabs your neck from behind. You could barely get a ‘yes’ out, but it was enough for him to pull down your panties and prop your ass higher up in the air. ‘Let me first get my appetizer’, he grunts upon seeing your soaked pussy. You let your upper body rest against the bed as you arch your ass higher into the air, giving him a better view. You can hear him growling by seeing your action, he loves it. The smell of your pussy overwhelms him, he has never had something so sweet like this before.
He spreads your cheeks further apart before laying his tongue right on your clit. He didn’t need a second try to find the little bud and immediately started making small circles around it. Your whole body reacted to it and you let out a moan. His tongue caused shocks to go through your body. You knew he liked this reaction, because one of his hands began to squeeze your ass. The growls coming from his being were still filling the room, as if he is eating a caught pray.
Suddenly his tongue finds its way upwards, slowly licking all the juices off your pussy before settling on your entrance. He licks it a few times before entering it with his tongue. You let out a little yelp, eyes widening by the immense pleasure you are feeling. After that you began to moan loudly, loving the what it feels as he thrusts his tongue into you. Your body couldn’t help but to arch further into him. Your hands came up to your ass to widen it for him, but he was quick to pin them down beside you. The thrusts feel so good your orgasm was building up and Jungkook could feel your body heating up too. One hand came up to your asshole, and he put in just the tip of his thump, making your squirm under his care. You couldn’t help moaning out his name, making Jungkook pleased with his efforts.
It didn’t take you long to build up the orgasm and he soon got you to the edge. He notices your breathing beginning to become more irregular than it already was. His piercing eyes watch your body shake as you approach the edge and just when you were about to let it all out, he removed himself from your body. Feeling the loss of his stimulus on your entrance, you can’t help but whine. ‘Jungkooook...’, you sigh as your body collapses onto the bed. You can hear him chuckle before he lets his hand down on your ass with a great force, making you gasp by the sensation. ‘You know that this is still a punishment, right?’ he comments as he turns your body on your back, positioning himself between your legs again. You gasp upon seeing his naked body. He apparently had removed his clothing while you were nagging him. You can’t help yourself but to stare it his cock, which is standing tall and veiny between your thighs.
‘You like what you see, baby?’, Jungkook asks and you slowly nod with widened eyes. You are slowly beginning to doubt yourself upon seeing his enormous length, questioning if it will even fit. He towers over you before reaching his hand under your head. Grabbing a ball of hear in his hand, he yanks you to sit up right. You are now in eye-level with his cock, Jungkook now on his knees in front of you. You can feel your mouth watering as you imagine sucking your mate dry, pleasing him the way you should.
‘Why don’t you suck me off princess?’, he purrs while stroking your head, having loosened the grip. You look up to him, making the biggest innocent face you can make before your hand makes its way up Jungkook’s thigh. He immediately let a sigh escape his lips, eyes closing as he prepares for your amazing touches. You tease him a little bit, letting your hand swirl around his pelvis and inner thighs. A low threatening grunt leaves his body, signalling you the teasing is over and it is time for you to give your mate the pleasure he deserves. You put your hand around his cock as you lick small circles around his tip. The small action is enough to make him groan and grab your hair in his hands again. You notice his breathing picking up a pace as you swirl around a few times more. Then you take the tip of his dick in your mouth, still containing eye contact. Jungkook’s blue eyes almost seem pitch dark as they are now dilated to the max. You can feel your own body heating up as well by seeing how aroused he is for you.
‘Fuck, you look so innocent around my cock. Such a small mouth’, he comments with a low and sexy voice. With that encouragement, you let his dick slip further into your mouth. His grip on your hair tightened, signalling you that you are doing a great job. You bob your head forwards and backwards in a slow pace, building up his orgasm for him. He let’s out little moans upon feeling your pace going faster and faster. Eventually he couldn’t help himself but to guide your mouth over his dick, forcing you to suck him a bit further into your throat. You didn’t mind at all and let him abuse your mouth. You hold on to his legs as he takes over your pace and lets you gag on his dick. His grunts became very loud as he slams into you, giving you small times to breathe. You couldn’t care less, you are meant to let him do this to you. You are his little bitch in bed.
‘Fuck y/n, you are so fucking amazing. My little whore’, Jungkook breathes out before giving one last deep push into your throat, making you lose air for a few seconds before pulling out.
You both have to catch your breath. You collap back on the bed, trying to calm down your heart, but you didn’t have much time since Jungkook was already between your legs. He smirks down at your fucked out head as he hangs your legs over his shoulders. You feel him aligning his dick with your entrance, but you feel a bit scared it will hurt. Jungkook notices the change of atmosphere and cocks his head to the side, looking at your questionably.
‘What if it will hurt?’ You ask. Jungkook smiles at you as and comes down to your forehead, giving you a little kiss. ‘Don’t worry baby, I will give you time if it hurts. Just tell me if it hurts too much okay?’, he asks and you nod your head. He goes back up and secures your legs on his shoulders. He puts his dick on your pussy, sliding it up and down your juices as he teases your clit a little. You slip a moan because of the arousing feeling. Then he aligns his dick with your entrance, giving you a reassuring look before slowly pushing into you. It takes a while before your body lets even his tip inside, but with many patients your entrance widened to his size. He pushes slow and steady before giving a last thrust, now being fully inside you. You hadn’t made any noise as you tried to not focus on the immense pain of his big cock. Your eyes were closed tightly, but you suddenly felt a soft hand on your cheek. Two soft lips met yours, pulling you out of your pain and bringing your attention back to your mate. He kisses you slowly, tongue carefully massaging against yours while the pain leisurely disappeared. The kiss was turning hotter by the second, his hands finding its way into your hair while you cling on to his muscular torso. As your bodies began to squirm against each other, his dick caused friction within you and it made you moan into his mouth.
‘Can I move?’ Jungkook asks, looking into your eyes. You nod at him, making a thrusting motion yourself with a slight smile. He smiles back before sitting upright and holding your legs firmly against his shoulders. He slowly pulled back, making you gasp by the amazing friction you feel within you. He slams back into your pussy and you both moan loudly. ��You’re so fucking tight, so fucking delicious’, Jungkook grunts as he repeats his actions. You dig your nails into the covers beside you as Jungkook begins to put up a pace. His hips slam into yours and when he angles his dick upwards, he finally hits your g-spot. You gasp before moaning his name, the feeling overwhelming you. Jungkook now slams with all his power into you, almost flying you up against the head of the bed. You can’t hold onto anything notices Jungkook, so he let your legs back down on the bed before grabbing your wrists and holding them in place beside your head. He now begins to slam into you with full speed, making you scream and burst into pleasure. He looks at your body bouncing along with him, your breasts swinging up and down as your eyes are closed. God, he will never forget this picture.
Your head begins to feel light by his hard thrusts, drowning you with love and pleasure. You look at his form on top of you, all sweaty and muscular. Those muscles now used to make you his mate, to give you his pups. His beautiful blue eyes are staring into yours, mouth half open as he pants through it. He is so beautiful and amazingly hot. You can feel your orgasm climbing up again as he continues rocking into you.
He suddenly pulls out, making you gasp by the lost of friction. He gets off the bed and pulls you with him. He leads you to the nearest wall, preps you up against it before aligning his dick with your entrance again. You stick your ass out as high as you can, but since Jungkook is a very tall man, you couldn’t reach his cock. He decided to wrap his arms around your middle and pulled you off the floor. He sets you down on his dick before pressing your bodies back against the wall. He starts railing you from behind, your body still hovering above the floor and upper body pressed again the wall. Jungkook does this with ease, being an amazingly strong alpha. You feel his dick sliding in and out of you, making you go crazy and wanting him to go faster. ‘Jungkook pleasee...’, you whine and Jungkook chuckles. He then goes even faster, making you see duble because of the immense pleasure emerging from his acts. You can’t help but to yell out his name, probably waking up the whole world by it.
‘Fuck you are my soulmate, look at you. You are perfect for me’, Jungkook groans into your ear as he feels his own height approaching. He decides to pull you back from the wall and lays you down on the floor. With your belly pressed against the wood, he pulls your ass back into the air and didn’t leave any time to enter your throbbing entrance. You can feel his balls hitting your pussy as he thrusts violently into you. His hand found your neck again and puts a slight pressure on it. With all the stimuli your mate is giving you, you find yourself near the edge of your orgasm again. Your breath began to become uneven and Jungkook noticing that, he decides on reaching down to your clit around your hips. He starts circling it fast, helping you to reach your height. You almost screamed upon feeling this, but you muffled yourself against the floor. Jungkook’s eyes were set on your trembling body, loving how aroused you can become under his touch. It took Jungkook only a few seconds before your height was reached and the warmth spread through your body. Your breath stopped for a second as you lost yourself in the overwhelming feeling. ‘Oh my god, fuck’, you cursed out as you let the orgasm wash through your body.
‘Good girl’, Junkook prases you as you finish. You let yourself lay there for a few seconds before you realize that Jungkook didn’t come yet. You pushed him off of you, making Jungkook a bit confused, before turning him on his back. You positioned yourself on him, sitting on his lap as you let your wet pussy slide on his dick. He sighed out of pleasure as he feels you dry humping him. His hands were quick to find your waist and took over. You didn’t give him any time for that, because you were fast to line him up with your entrance. You went down on him and started bouncing on top of him. This position allowed you to hit your g-spot very consistent and couldn’t help but to go faster. You let your hips rock up and down as Jungkook helped you by grabbing your waist. He moaned loudly while his eyes looked up into yours. You knew he is close to coming, so you go a bit faster for him. You want him to make you his mate, to imprint you.
‘I will shoot all my pups into you baby, so prepare yourself’, he warns you before he suddenly takes over the pace and thrusts up into you. You moan loudly by his action and Jungkook couldn’t help but to moan along with you. You were so beautiful on top of him and seeing all of this made him cum immediately. You can feel something inflating within you and you realized he was about to knot. You let him do the rest of the job as he groans loudly, making the last few thrusts before finally deloading all his cum into you. You can feel his pups shooting into you and you close your eyes by the amazing feeling.
You both stay located on the floor, panting and stuck because of the knot. You feel high from the combining smell of the both of you. Everything feels right, this was really meant to be. Jungkook’s hand slowly caresses your back, soothing you as the knot slowly deflates. You look up into his eyes, and he is already smiling at you. You smile back at him. You know exactly how he feels, because you feel the same.
‘You’re mine now’, Jungkook says proudly, hugging you closer to him. You smile. ‘I always was, I just didn’t know’. He sighs in delight, knowing he would spend the rest of his life with you in bliss. Your lives were meant to go this way, more than this wouldn’t be needed.
‘My soulmate’.
Thank you for reading! My reguests are open for those who have one :).
#bts smut#jungkook smut#bts jungkook#jungkook#jeon jungkook#bts jeon jungkook#bangtan smut#bts imagines#bts fanfic#bts fanfiction#jungkook fanfic#bts fluff#bts angst#bts wolf au#jungkook wolf au#bts#wolf au#bts soulmate au#soulmate au#jungkook fluff#jimin#taehyung#jhope#yoongi#namjoon#jin#bts e21#bts x reader#jungkook scenarios#jungkook imagine
1K notes
·
View notes
Note
How would the batboys react to a female SO with Paranoid Personality Disorder?
Hi there!
Thanks so much for the ask. I hope this is okay :)
-Sky
Bruce
As a person living with paranoid personality disorder, you might be terrified that people are out to harm you. Your place of residence, Gotham city, does nothing but exacerbate your paranoid thought patterns, since criminals run rampant through the streets. It’s hard to distinguish between paranoid thoughts and substantiated concerns. Is that sketchy person with the full face covering one of Black Mask’s False Face Society members sent to abduct you, or are they just a conscientious citizen taking extra precautions to avoid contracting or transmitting the COVID virus? Being in a state of constant fear prevents you from living your life to the fullest. Luckily, your S/O happens to be Batman in his free time.
Bruce eases your mind just with his presence. He’s probably the smartest, strongest, and most resourceful person you know and being with him makes you feel safe. Bruce is the kind of person who you’d blindly listen to during an emergency – if he told you to jump out of a burning plane, you’d do it without a second thought because he’s never let you down in the past and you’re confident that he never will in the future. If you’re feeling fearful in public, Bruce will grab your hand or put an arm around you securely and soothingly whisper in your ear that he’s right here and there’s nothing to worry about. Having paranoid thoughts means that it’s difficult to reason with you, so you probably aren’t convinced that there is no threat, but you do experience some relief from his soft touch and gentle words. He’ll ask if you want to leave and he’ll take you to your safe space. If you’re feeling fearful in private, Bruce will hold you close and rub your back to reduce your anxiety. If you’re by yourself and start to have those racing, panicked paranoid thoughts, you can always call Bruce. He’ll drop whatever he is doing and come take care of you.
Bruce will teach you self defense to help you feel more comfortable around people. He won’t arm you with any dangerous weapons because he doesn’t want an innocent person to get hurt if you get spooked. Bruce will ask if you want to move into the manor since it has strong security and comes with several vigilantes. If you would rather stay at your own place, Bruce will install a variety of safety systems to make you feel protected. He’ll even spend most nights at your place so you can sleep peacefully. Overall, Bruce is like your lifeline. He’ll know just what to do to help you through your difficult thoughts.
Dick
Dick is a social butterfly who’s had his fair share of romantic partners in the past so it’s natural for you to feel jealous when he spends time with other people. Dick will adamantly declare that he’s with you and only you. At first you might try to ignore the prickly feeling of jealousy because you don’t want to come off as a possessive S/O, but the clues accumulate and suggest that he’s cheating on you. For example, he’ll rarely spend the night with you. You’ll catch him sneaking into bed at ungodly hours of the morning. When confronted, he’ll make up an excuse that he just went to get a drink of water or use the bathroom. You’ll spot bruises scattered over his chest knowing you definitely did not leave those there. He’ll play it off as a gym injury.
When you raise your suspicions, Dick is hesitant to explain. You take this as confirmation of infidelity and you’re ready to walk out. At that point, he has no choice but to come clean about his secret identity as Nightwing. That sounds farfetched and you likely think he’s a pathological liar. Finally, Dick proves it to you and explains that he didn’t want you to be dragged into his dangerous nightlife. While you accept that as the truth, you’ll always wonder if he’s hiding more secrets. Furthermore, you’re probably pissed that he was gaslighting you. Dick will do everything he can to make it up to you. He’ll apologize profusely and in extravagant ways, be more transparent, and shower you with excessive love and affection. It might take a long time, but eventually Dick will worm his way back into your good graces.
It doesn’t take long for the green-eyed monster to rear its’ ugly head again. Now that you’re in the know, you’re hyperaware of the attractive vigilantes that Dick works with and it’s emotionally draining to be jealous all the time. You don’t want to be the type of person who tries to control their partner’s life, but when the suffering becomes too much to bear, you might ask him to stop seeing certain people. Dick will calmly assure you that there isn’t anything going on with any of his vigilante friends. If that doesn’t appease you, he’ll suggest that you hang out with the team and get to know them. He hopes that you’ll see that there aren’t any romantic feelings between them. Whatever you do, please don’t force him to choose between you and his hero life. It will tear him apart.
Jason
Trust is very important to Jason. He doesn’t trust many people as it is and needs a S/O who he can trust wholeheartedly and who will trust him in return. He believes that this relationship will fail if you don’t have confidence in each other. He’ll take it personally if you distrust him. Jason will get defensive and frustrated if you accuse him of being unfaithful, especially if you don’t have a shred of evidence to support your claims. He’ll be offended and deeply hurt that you think so negatively of him but once he’s had some time to cool off, he’ll be able to process everything more objectively. He’ll accept that you can’t control the way you feel. You’d explained it to him once that you do trust him, but there’s a separate voice in your head that tells you otherwise. Jason won’t give up on you though. He’ll come up with a proposition - he’ll agree to install a tracking app on his phone so you can monitor his whereabouts if you’ll promise to work on learning to trust him, whether it be via professional psychotherapy or reading self-help books.
On the other hand, if Jason is one of the only people you trust, he’ll be elated to know that you two have built such a strong connection. It’ll be easy to confide in him because he’ll gladly listen to your worried thoughts with no judgement. At first, he’ll reassure you that nothing bad is going to happen to you – he’s Red Hood and nobody is going to pull anything on you if they value their life. Eventually he’ll realize that trying to reason with you isn’t helpful so he’ll stick to active listening when you’re experiencing paranoid thoughts.
However, if Jason is fresh out of the pit and emotionally unstable, you two will probably bond over your mutual distrust and cynicism about the world. Although you and Jason will get along exceptionally well, it’s possible that your irrational thoughts may feed each other’s paranoia and exacerbate the feelings of mistrust and suspicion. If you find yourself unable to let things go, feel free to vent away when you’re with Jason. He is the king of holding grudges, so he’ll probably support you and even join in on trash talking that person with you when you’re angry. Learning to forgive and forget is something you and Jason can work on together. In a way, it brings you two closer together since you understand each other on a level that others can’t begin to comprehend.
Tim
Tim very compassionate and patient; however, he’s afraid of triggering you so he’s often walking on eggshells around you. He just wants to be the perfect supportive S/O for you and doesn’t want to mess up the relationship. His worst offense (in your eyes) is using ambiguous language that lends to multiple interpretations. For example, he might innocently compliment your clothes/hair/makeup and you might assume that he only likes you for your appearance or that he’s implying that you’re vain for wanting to look nice. The moment you shoot him daggers, he’s realized his mistake and starts to furiously backpedal. He tries to explain himself, but he usually ends up digging himself a deeper hole. Eventually, he gets better at expressing his thoughts carefully so that they can’t be misconstrued.
Tim diligently tries to learn your other triggers and how to help. When you’re stuck in a cycle of paranoid thoughts, Tim will get you to focus on what’s real instead of trying to make you see sense. He’ll help you relax by walking you through breathing exercises, playing soothing music, or whatever strategies you find helpful.
Tim isn’t proud of this, but he’s resorted to deceiving you when necessary. For instance, if you’re experiencing paranoid thought patterns and want to be alone, Tim will hesitantly leave, but he’ll probably secretly monitor you only because he’s worried about your safety. If you’re afraid that others are reading your mind, he might pretend that he invented an anti-mindreading helmet to ease your suspicions. He knows you would feel betrayed if you ever found out about his dishonesty, but he reasons that your safety and comfort are more important in the moment.
Damian
Arguments with Damian are brutal. No matter how insignificant the disagreement is, Damian refuses to back down when he believes he’s right. Paired with your own stubbornness and contentiousness, these quarrels generally result in an impasse. Eventually your anger subsides and the depression sinks in. You might assume that Damian doesn’t love you anymore and that fight was the end of your relationship. Maybe you start packing your belongings to move out right away. Damian comes up behind you and asks what you’re doing. When you tell him that you’re leaving because he doesn’t want you anymore, he’s instantly remorseful. He takes your bags out of your hands and proceeds to pull you in close as he tells you how much he loves you. He assures you that two people can disagree and still love each other.
Damian doesn’t want to argue with you and he certainly doesn’t want to see you upset so he’ll always excuse himself before the argument becomes too heated. He hopes that some time apart will allow you both to calm down and come to a compromise, but it’s never that simple. Most of the time, you’ll need a third-party mediator, like a therapist, to resolve your dispute. The act of seeking out a therapist will be a huge accomplishment for your relationship. Damian likes his privacy and doesn’t want someone else in his business and you might be afraid to share intimate information with a stranger in fear that it will be used against you. Nevertheless, you both want to make this relationship work, so you’ll continue to seek help.
Damian has a habit of being blunt. He doesn’t mean to criticize or insult you – in his mind, he is only stating the facts or his opinion for the purpose of helping you improve. Despite his goodhearted intentions, it’s easy for you to take his comments the wrong way and perceive it as a personal attack. If he sees that his remarks have upset you, he’ll acknowledge all the positive aspects of your performance. Still, you might cling to the disparaging comments and ignore the praise. Going forward, Damian will try to be more encouraging and constructive and will only express feedback if you invite him to do so.
#batfam headcanons#batfam x y/n#batfam x reader#batboys headcanons#batboys x reader#batboys x y/n#bruce wayne headcanon#dick grayson headcanon#jason todd headcanon#tim drake headcanon#batfamily headcanons#batfamily x y/n#batfamily x reader#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#time drake#Damian Wayne#robinchicklets
192 notes
·
View notes
Text
(F/H) =favorite hobby.
I have the weirdest crush on this freaking duck and I don’t know why, so I’m taking out my confusion on this matter by making him yandere. Sorry that this is so long, boring and slow but I’m a sucker for slow burns and just dislike instant love. This went from just from headcannons to a freaking long ass story. I think I’ll make more on how the reader reacts when they find out just how mentally fucked Scrooge became.
Who knows, maybe I’ll write one for good ol’ Flinty. I have a feeling he’d just drop kick any rival he spots without much qualms about it. Meanwhile, Scrooge has a full on psychological derailment.
TW: manipulation, dependent behavior, stalking, and more.
______________
•To be honest, the likelyhood of Scrooge turning into a yandere might be higher than you think. He’s capable of self defense and can fight. He literally hunts treasure for a living. He also has a trillion dollar stockpile sitting around begging to be used for cover ups. His determination is pretty crazy, and he’s seen a lot on his adventures, things that would kind of instill a paranoia over time or an unhealthy me mentality. He can easily hide behind a professional front. Oh, and if he so wanted, he could travel and bury any evidence under a volcano. :)
•Since this is a yandere AU or, I’m gonna go with the idea that this is a what if the show had a TV-14 rating as well, so much darker themes can link and be explored.
•After pretty much a century of adventure, most of which includes violence and fighting through perils, human or not so, Scrooge is desensitized to quite a bit of violence and the dark and greedy side of the world. He’s seen the best of people and also the worst. This plays majorly in anyone who becomes a yandere; how exposed they are to people’s bad side or their own dark tendencies.
•Scrooge himself is not perfect and has demonstrated some traits of greediness, paranoia, and general distrustful behavior which is perfectly reasonable considering his work and the things he exposes himself too during it.
•Even though he loves adventure, there are a lot of bad things that happen on them that he seems to bottle up or keep to himself. Bottling up things causes a negative buildup in anyone, especially Scrooge because he expects that loving his life’s work will repair the same damage it sometimes does to him.
•Most likely, Scrooge developed an affinity with you through your similar drive for adventure. Maybe you worked for him in some way and he saw you defend someone or maybe you outsmarted one of his adversaries on an adventure he decided to bring you on. Regardless, you’ve caught his attention and this is only the beginning.
•A rival love interest’s biggest mistake is mistaking his age for a weakness. One minute he’s complaining about someone being on his lawn, the other they’re buried under it.
•Scrooge would probably connect most if he’s seen that you used to be in his shoes before, or at least a similar situation. Maybe you’re struggling financially but working your ass off to stabilize your income. As someone with the humble origins of a shoeshiner, Scrooge understands perfectly. Despite his incredible stockpile of wealth, he knows what’s it’s like to be at rock bottom.
•At first, you’re probably obviously very suprised with Scrooge’s involvement in your life. He’s from an entirely different world than yours after all, the top of the pyramid. Depending on your origins, you might react quite differently. Currently, you managed to find yourself stuck in a job you hated, working for someone you despised. It was a miserable, repetitive job that brought to your life a void of boredom.
•You craved adrenaline, even if it would get you killed, you finally figured that at least you’d go out with a spark. Putting on a smiling face, you accept a position at McDuck industries thinking that it was going to be another office job. By your luck, (or, later on, unfortunate luck), you managed to score a position that required you to be near Scrooge quite often.
•This gave both of you time to acquaint with eachother and the opportunity for him to see the potential in you as an adventurer instead of just an employee. Scrooge rarely lets people in beyond family, and is quite reserved so he himself questions what he sees in you at first, distrusting you even.
•When you are taken on your first adventure, you nearly boil over with eagerness. There’s a worry at first of the treachery involved but eventually, as you venture on more and more explorations, that fear dulls and you think the adrenaline as far more important than the possible loss of your life.
•Craving adrenaline is the main reason at first as to why you to want to stay around Scrooge. Despite his repeated attempts to brush or push you away, you find yourself excited every time you get to explore and finally get to see a world that you thought you’d never visit.
•Still, Scrooge remains cold and you can’t figure out why beyond the reason that he’s just a pessimistic old capitalist. As much as you want the adrenaline, you kinda can’t help but eventually enjoy his presence as well despite his temper and general grumpiness. Having been alone for over two decades without friends does that to someone. You needed warmth again.
•Maybe you grew attached to all the times you felt you were winning when you snubbed an artifact. Also, after collecting and sneaking a few gold coins into your own pocket, you were finally getting out of debt and on track to actually start your own business involving (F/H). You had the dream that you could travel where you wanted and finally find peace from your own mind and problems.
•Scrooge, despite his own warnings to himself not to persue, can’t help but offer you a job working for him. You made adventuring a million times better and were a great addition to the team, providing your own perspective or plan for the times he and his family would journey out. Oh, and he’d finally get the opportunity to be around you more. It was refreshing to see how optimistic you managed to remain despite your current financial predicament. (Which he contemplated solving.)
•Soon, however, Scrooge began to see that you were not as happy go lucky as you pretended to be, at least not when you weren’t on another treasure hunt. Something appeared to be gnawing at you. Deep down inside, it appeared to plague you and Scrooge began to worry for your well being and as a too curious for his own good duck, he needed to know what was going on. Especially when he had caught you quickly wiping away tears while you began to head home. What could possibly be causing you this pain?
•He had to find out and to his own realization, he had to know now. After all the times you saved and helped him, he wanted to make sure you were at least doing alright in return. He ordered Launchpad to tail you home and Launchpad, oh so very loyal, doesn’t question it much.
•Most yanderes might suffer from the constant delusion that their victims love them back or that they’re in the right but that’s not the case with Scrooge. There are times where he does try to justify himself, but this is mainly due to a fit of rage or to play innocent to you. Most of the time, he knows his actions are wrong and the burning temptation is causing a war. Very early on, he suppresses his curiosity and the growing feelings he has about you. Especially when they begin to boil into something far darker. Although he’s done this to nearly everyone, being cold to you and pushing you away seemed to be his way of trying to ensure your well being instead of his. He was finding it hard not to think about you sometimes.
•Soon enough though, he begins to grow inquisitive about your personal life as you open up to him and define yourself as a person instead of another blur. You were always quite genuine to just sit around and talk to him and despite denying it to himself, Scrooge was lonely, especially after the Spear of Selene. Sometimes you’d joke to him, sometimes you’d think philosophically. Sometimes it was just a mutual, comfortable silence.
•Scrooge might make excuses aloud to you, but doesn’t lie to himself. All the times he’s made you work later or given you an extra dose of paperwork was because he wanted to keep you around and in his line of sight. 12 hours without you was turning into a painful reminder of how isolated he was, even with Beakley around. You were a warmth, a cool, calm warmth.
• “I’ll eventually need to know her address later on in case she’s attacked by one of my adversaries anyways.” Nope, Scrooge wasn’t fooling himself with that sentiment. He knew he was invading your privacy, but he also knew that he was too nosy to care enough.
•The main problem is that although Scrooge knows a lot of what he’s doing isn’t right, he begins to care less and less. (Though this process takes quite a while.) You’re a valuable and positive part of his life, you had stayed when everyone else had abandoned him for his admittedly awful mistakes. He can’t lose another person he treasures. Especially not you. You’re becoming the shiniest yet. Losing you might mean losing himself in some sense.
•Scrooge tries to shake off the guilt but only finds that maybe it’s better to punish himself by feeling it. He’s currently following along your path to wherever your destination currently is.
•Of course, his iconic shiny limousine would be a sore thumb sticking out to both you, the media, and Duckberg in general so he makes sure to either trail far behind or to have another mode of transportation available. Regardless, Scrooge never hires another person to watch you in place.
•Scrooge doesn’t even install cameras. He’d rather experience your life from his own two eyes and not as reported from another bird or screen. He rather liked tracking you himself. It gave him a place to go and at least he’d be able to bask in your duality himself. Sometimes you cried, he found to his own breaking heart. Sometimes you’d smile, (mostly only in his presence, to his delight.)
•Most of all, though, you seem caught in the present of life. Distracted, even. It seems though, that sometimes you’re so distracted that you don’t even notice something is off. Or maybe you yourself are too unable to break the cycle of adrenaline adventure to see it. Maybe you yourself were actively creating excuses, at least at first as to why you sometimes ran into Scrooge McDuck everywhere.
•If there’s something else Scrooge is a master at other than money, it’s with keeping up the detached and reserved persona of a wealthy individual. After all, who would suspect him of such crimes like these? He’s just a selfish, greedy businessman that only cares about his wealth, right? He’d never bother with other birds unless he was shaking hands at a conference table.
•Wrong. As you and him grow to become more like mentor and student, Scrooge begins to insert himself everywhere he possible can in your life, especially after seeing the shitfest that was your social group, what little of it there was. Apparently, you’d finally made a few friends over the years working for him and there was only one out of all of them that Scrooge approved of.
•Two of them, both identical Peacock twins appeared to be fascinated with your link to him and nothing more. It made some sense. After all, who could say they were a close worker to the richest duck in the world? The other one, a tall and lanky chicken, was getting far too handsy with you, and the final, a feline male was nothing but gossip and drama.
•To add to insult, you were a pretty big pushover outside of work which meant that they would drag you to places you didn’t even want to go and pressure you to have drinks you didn’t want to taste. They were in love with the mask you put up, not the complex and amazing face behind it. The one that you were beginning to let Scrooge see.
• Scrooge watches from a distance as your laugh reverberates. The laugh appears to Scrooge as unwavered and solid, mechanical in nature like it was a reoccurring script. Gazing at your face, he could see that your smile was strained, beak scrunched. You just wanted to go home and nothing more.
•The chicken next to you he was sucking a cigarette and the smoke blew in your direction, replacing your laugh with coughing and the others cackled with drunk glee, their solo cups tipping as they did. You blew it off as an accidental push in the wind which, by the way, wasn’t even blowing.
•Out of all of them, Scrooge hated the lanky chicken, who’s name he learned was Gale, the most. You deserved far better than that. Surely you saw through his sleazy act, right? Why were you hanging around such a ratched group of birds? Just how blind were you to their usage of you?
•Almost without even realizing it himself, Scrooge had tailed you the entire way home. After having to torment himself with an hour of seeing you torment yourself, he figured that maybe you’d find something that made you happy other thanyour little flock of “friends.”
•So he was admitting to being a stalker to himself. Did that mean he’d be able to admit it to oblivious ol’ you? Well, no. At least, not for now. Not until you trust him completely. Oh well, he’ll never go further than then that, right? He was watching you, but not engaging in any way. Nothing worse could come out of it..
•Wrong.
•After a while of having you working under him at McDuck Industries, Scrooge began to realize just how much financial control he had over you. Not only did you depend on him cod for paycheck, your landlord worked for someone who worked for him. In other words, the spot of land you were living on was an apartment company that belonged to him. You were living under one of his roofs. All he’d have to do was shift some circumstances and you’d either be homeless or debt free forever. Scrooge of course, plays the benevolent route and lowers it significantly for you. Why antagonize you?
•After having taken that action, Scrooge noticed more and more of a smile on your face as you realized that you didn’t have to depend paycheck to paycheck for food on the table. He had also been aware that you had a side hobby now, involving (F/H.) sometimes you joked you’d start a business and go off parting ways with that hobby. It was source of entertainment to watch you be..Well, you. There was this genuine behavior about you that just drew him in.
•If Scrooge wasn’t adventuring with you or at a meeting also with you, he was still with you. You just didn’t know it yet. Interestingly however, you’d begun to pick up the signs that there was a presence in your life. Whereas you didn’t close the blinds before, you did now. Or maybe that was from all the adventures you’d nearly died on fighting others off. Maybe it was paranoia.
•Eventually, Scrooge managed to break into your apartment under the guise to Launchpad that he’d been invited by you. A ludicrous lie, of course, but Launchpad is gullible to a fault when it comes to Scrooge. He’s loyal like that, and his friendliness to you plays into Scrooge’s emotional manipulation later on.
•As Scrooge sneaks in while you’re still home, he makes his way behind the kitchen counter which seperated your living room. He didn’t expect you to be right there in the living room, but you were, just five feet away from him and the window he snuck in. The window was to your right. He had carefully parted the curtains. Your couch was sitting approximately five feet from the window balcony, facing a corner of the wall with the T.V off.
•Peculiarly, you hadn’t even noticed he’d entered by rigging the door. You were right there, not staring at his direction, but he should have at least appeared in your peripheral. Just what were you doing to be so disconnected to the reality around you? It was worrying.
•Now hidden behind the counter directly to the left of you, he observes your desensitized form. For a moment, Scrooge thought you were a corpse until he peered closer. You were still there, physically. Mentally you looked as if you were in a whole other dimension. In a rather bold move, Scrooge slowly stands up and positions himself in the archway, watching you from his spot.
•You were still, so very still unlike all the times you’d fidget at work or with those “friends.” You still breathed and your hands shook slightly and there was color to your eyes but you yourself didn’t even seem present whatsoever. Your eyes were glazed and far away. It was just your body sitting there in that couch. It was worrisome and yet there was a blissful smile to your face seconds later.
•It was you, daydreaming about something. Something you obviously enjoyed. Scrooge, to his own shame, hoped it involved him. For a few more moments, all you did was sigh like you were meditating. It was haunting how easily you had lost yourself within the confines of your tumbling mind. Somehow, you were blocking out the world beyond, maladaptively.
• Scrooge knew he was taking a huge risk. All you’d have to do to spot him now was swivel your head a few inches or wake up from dreamland. It would take a few inches to ruin what you thought of him.
Just then, to Scrooge’s horror, you had slowly picked yourself off the couch. Your body shuttered as your head snapped up. He knew he was taking a huge risk with this and began to think that maybe it was a terrible idea after all. (Who was he kidding, it was terrible in the first place, he knew what he was doing.)
•He quickly fell back to his crouched position behind the counter, silently and expertly as you turned around and made your way closer and closer. There was a tense moment in which Scrooge contemplated just knocking you down completely and rendering you unconscious. All it would take was a few seconds. Maybe you’d forget or maybe he’d give you the dreamland you seemed so desperate to reach. It would certainly give him peace of mind to know where you are 24/7..All he’d have to do is knock you out and take you to the manor. You’d be secure and have everything you need there…
•Your presence was setting him alight, in the good way and bad way. He loved being near you. But hated the idea of you getting any closer right now, because you getting any closer would ruin your trust in him entirely. A few more steps is all there was between the idol you saw Scrooge as and the monster he was growing to be. You were like a fire. The heat scorched his feathers. Then, when you were away, his thoughts.
•Your steps were louder than they’d ever been. Then, to Scrooge’s unbelievable luck, you turned towards the hallway away from the kitchen. Scrooge knew not to push his luck trying to follow or stay, so despite his clawing urge to figure you out, he hesitantly snuck out with unanswered questions on your concerning mental state.
•It had been a months since that incident and Scrooge was moving onto bigger and bolder actions. Sometimes he’d swipe you away from any conversations you had with your friends by calling you in for a task. Sometimes he’d eat up all your time by keeping you in late, and taking you to places far away that required days of travel.
•Sometimes he’d drive bad influences away by financially ruining their life forever.
You noticed Gale’s downfall quickly, but you didn’t have any idea it was Scrooge who was responsible. Gale lived actually, three complexes from you and oh so suddenly, rent had begun to skyrocket in the particular room he had to himself. This led to him being presented with an eviction notice. You didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye. (Not that you wanted to, though.) deep down you were glad he was gone and Scrooge knew it. Gale had to move far off to find an affordable spot. It was a mercy considering how often Scrooge had dreamed of just throwing him into the ocean tied up for the sharks to find. He was a toxic influence.
•Maybe if someone pushed his button just right, Scrooge would end up killing them, and who would care? There were seven billion fellow people on the planet. Scrooge could just get rid of any threat he wanted and no one would notice or ever suspect it was him. After all, he’s just a grumpy old man with a cane.
•It turns out, Scrooge had picked up on your plans to possibly quit your job. He had never felt his heart sink like it did now. He was fighting off his initial shock as you stood in his office, masking it with a detached face. You hadn’t even confirmed the statement. All you’d said was that maybe you’d found a company within your favorite hobby.
•It was just a small implication. But, Implications could become statements, which could turn into actions, and Scrooge couldn’t let the thought even be a presence in your mind.
•You had stayed with him throughout the years of his loneliest moments, had confessed secrets, had confided in him. You were like his pupil, learning from him and you were like his partner, fighting alongside him. Maybe you were something different altogether.
•...Was it a friend that convinced you? It had to be. Scrooge knew how much you enjoyed galavanting around the world with him. There’s no way you’d just fly off without him.-
“I promise I’ll still occasionally go with you, Scrooge. (A first name basis. This was devolving from anything normal.) I found my passion. We can still adventure together, but I found a path that also makes me happy and doesn’t ya know, get me killed.” You chuckle as if it were nothing. A light joke.
•So you were leaving. You were going to go. Why? You had a great paycheck, (an expensive one that took a lot of money,) you had the opportunity to travel the world. You had the best job you’d ever get. Who else was going to be as good as him? He won’t let you destroy your future by applying for a Mediocre position at some dumptruck company.
•As it turns out, the bird responsible for swaying you was none other than one of the peacocks, her name was Shelby. She and you laughed, and for the first time, your laugh was genuine. Genuine with her and not with Scrooge. You both shared each other’s stories, and she in return had encouraged your little dangerous fantasy of being independent.
•Now of course Scrooge realized how ridiculous this all sounded. He had willingly allowed you to go on perilous adventures with him, but at least then, you were with him. How could he keep an easy eye on you if you just moved off to some rando spot? Plus, he was plenty good as saving you. He was your hero.
•Bad influences needed to go away.
•Scrooge might lie to himself about how much it digs under his feathers, but to see you around other people really dug wrong. He itched every time you decided to take advice from other people, or confide in them instead of him. He was the one you could go to, not them. Your secrets didn’t need to be shared with anyone else but Scrooge. All those rare and precious things that made you yourself didn’t need to be snatched by thieves like Shelby or Gale or whoever else.
•He knew that his criminal actions would scare you. Even with your growing trust and dependence on him, he knew it was too early for you to want to stay with him if you knew what he’s been doing. If he wanted your presence, he’d keep it through lengths you’d find terrifying.
•Scrooge found your biggest flaw was that you always attracted the wrong crowd, and it was primarily because you were always trying to impress others when they really didn’t deserve the magnificent canvas you painted yourself to be. To his even greater detriment, you were beginning to spend your time more and more with Shelby. The canvas you painted was beautiful, as always. But it wasn’t for him, and he found that he was not happy with this new development.
•Don’t you know people take advantage of kindness? It happened to him all the time and still does. It happened to you over and over and yet you kept venturing forth giving out your trust like it was nothing. The world is a sour place if you’re not careful. Cursed kilts, you were already naive about Gale. Who knows how badly future people would hurt you, even if they were well intentioned.
Scrooge could tell that, despite him insisting otherwise, you thought leaning on his shoulder was burdening him. He wanted to make sure you knew it was anything but that. As a matter of fact, he wanted you to lean on his shoulder every moment he possibly could get you to. What was just you occasionally asking for advice on impersonal things becomes entire sessions with Scrooge encouraging you to reveal every personal detail of your life.
•You had revealed that many times, you just wanted independence. A company of your own to possibly build so you could pursue life your own way. Scrooge knew these dangerous thoughts were one of the final roadblocks. Scrooge had to prevent them. Be it through roughening you up financially or discouraging you. Be it from murdering outside influences, too. Who was going to miss the miserable miscreants that plagued your life anyways?
•It is three days before the date you had decided that you would resign. Instead of being merry, you were miserable. The opportunity you had to get the job was burned by them not even calling you for an interview. After your resume, why would they reject you? You had the word of one of the finest businessmen out there to back you up. Scrooge himself promised to put in a good word for you! You were perfectly qualified for the job you were looking for. In your days of being rejected from the position you wanted, you confide in Scrooge. You don’t know it but as he pats your shoulder, he’s thinking of the next way to sabotage your efforts of leaving him.
•Shelby ends up going missing. She was one of your closest friends and the only one who finally treated you well. Your devastation causes a major setback in any ambitious plans as you isolate yourself from anyone else but only the closest person left in your life; Scrooge.
•Currently, you were enveloped in a warm hug, the side of your face leaning in the crook of Scrooge’s neck as he calmed your crying form down, patting your back and promising you his presence would remain forever. You wept at Shelby’s funeral, so did her twin sister and their parents, who, upon seeing Scrooge, had nearly fainted in shock.
•Despite your tumultuous relationship with Shelby, she had actually begun to redeem much of her previously antagonistic actions towards you. She was in a rough place when you had developed a connection with her. So you wept in your boss’s, or rather, your best confidantes arms. You wept.
Scrooge, however, did not.
#yandere#obsession#yandere ducktales#scrooge mcduck#headcanons#yandere x reader#reader insert#platonic or romantic#ducktales#cartoon#yandere Scrooge McDuck#minors do not interact#murder#this is weird I know#dt 2017#ducktales 2017
189 notes
·
View notes
Text
Wrong Number
Word Count: 2,219
Pairings: Billie Dean Howard x Reader
Chapters: 1, 2
Summary: You’d meant to send a selfie to someone else. Instead, you sent it to your old crush, Billie, whom had been friends with your parents for years. You were mortified and ready to face the embarrassment. To your surprise, Billie sent a picture back.
A/N: Hey ya’ll! thank you for being patient, I know you guys have been waiting for this one. I had fun writing this chapter. Hope ya’ll like it!
The wind whistled from outside as you paced back and forth in your living room. After the phone call, you had sent Billie your address. She only replied with a wink emoji.
You were steel reeling from the call. This wasn’t a joke or a dream whatsoever. You were about to go on a date with your oldest crush! Your high school self would have screeched at an opportunity like this. Though, you presently were freaking the fuck out.
You continued to walk toward your couch, then back to the front door. Back and forth. You couldn’t stop yourself. This was all so much, not in a bad way, but you couldn’t deny that you were extremely nervous to see her. You hadn’t heard from her in literal years… yet she still remembered you. Obviously she thought about you. This realization nearly made you faint.
Just as she had asked, you were wearing the exact shirt from the photo. It wasn’t one you wore often because it made you feel vulnerable. That alone was making you anxious. To cover up a little, you threw on a nice cardigan and left it open. It made the outfit feel so much cozier, which in return, made you feel much more comfortable. You had made sure to touch up your makeup and fixed your hair. Now it was just a waiting game.
As you continued to pace, the intrusive thoughts in your mind only got louder. What if this was all a mistake? What if she changed her mind and wouldn’t show up? It would be so embarrassing if she bailed on you last minute. This was too much for you to take.
A loud honking sound came from outside of your home. You glanced up at your window. In the driveway, there was Billie’s car. It looked the exact same as the last time you had seen her.
A big smile grew on your face. You hoped to god this would all work out.
Quickly, you fled out the door and locked up. You tried your best to look as calm and collected as you could as you made your way to her car. You opened the passenger door before slipping inside.
Billie was as beautiful as ever. She had changed into something else. Instead of the silk blouse, she was wearing a rather tight fitting cocktail dress that hugged her body perfectly. Her long blonde hair fell in soft yet voluminous curls. You couldn’t recount all of the nights you thought about running your fingers through it. Billie gave you a cheeky grin.
“Have I stunned you?” She said.
You blushed hard. You didn’t realize that you’d been staring at her. Your eyes instantly gazed at the ground as you tried to hide how flustered you were by seeing her again.
“Uh… Not at all, I… I…” you were struggling to find words.
Her hand moved under your chin as she gently lifted your head. Her eyes met your own.
“It’s okay, honey. You can be attracted to me.” she replied with a small chuckle.
You weren’t sure how to react. All you could think about was the thick, hypnotizing scent of her perfume. She hadn’t changed one bit.
“It’s good to see you.” you managed to say.
“It’s very nice to see you, Y/N.” Billie began, “Shall we?”
You nodded as she pulled out of the driveway.
The car ride was rather quiet. Not in an awkward way, there were no bad vibes whatsoever. But there was an extreme tension between the two of you. What were you supposed to say to her?
She glanced over at you while she drove. You could see her grinning to herself.
“I see you’re wearing the shirt.”
“I didn’t want to disappoint you by wearing something else.”
Billie couldn’t keep her eyes off of you even as she was trying to drive.
“I’m glad you didn’t change. It looks much better on you in person.”
You tried hard not to giggle. You felt like a fucking school girl being hit on by a hot older teacher. You had to admit, it was the best feeling in the world right now.
When you arrived at the restaurant, she led you inside. Usually at a nice place like this you would have to make reservations week ahead to even wait for a table. Though, when Billie took you in, they already had a table ready for her. She always had a way with people. Not to mention she was a celebrity now with her new show.
The host sat you two down at a remote table on the terrace of the restaurant. Fairy lights were strewn about overhead that illuminated the small garden that was flourishing with a variety of flowers. A small candle was lit in the middle and a bottle of champagne had already been chilling next to the table. There weren’t any other guests out here; just you and Billie. This was probably the most romantic first date you’d ever been on.
“This place is beautiful…” you began.
“It’s my favorite Italian joint in town. I’m really good friends with the owner, she let me reserve the entire terrace while we’re out here.”
Your lips formed a small smile. She really thought of everything and it showed.
Billie continued to gaze at you. She took in every inch of your body, taking her time to really get a good look at you. The blonde bit her lower lip.
“I must say, you turned into quite a beautiful woman,” she leaned forward slightly, “How is it that you’re still single? I’m surprised that people weren’t falling head over heels for you.”
The smile on your face grew wider. She had such a way with words and all the flirtation was making you feel giddy on the inside.
“I guess I’m just busy. I’m constantly studying or working, I never really have time to pay attention to anyone else.”
“Then I feel extremely honored to be able to take you dinner.” She replied sweetly. The waitress came by just in time and greeted Billie warmly.
“Hey there! Good to see you. We having the usual tonight?”
“You know me too well!” Billie laughed, “You get whatever you want, Y/N.”
You hadn’t even had time to look at the menu because you’d been so fixated on Billie. Feeling a little on the spot, you didn’t even glance down to read any of the entrees.
“I’ll just have whatever she’s having.”
The waitress grinned widely. “Great choice! I’ll have it right out to you.”
Once again, the two of you were alone. Billie poured you a glass of bubbly before pouring one for herself. She held her glass up. Hesitantly, you did the same.
“What shall we toast to, darling?”
Your stomach was in knots. You didn’t want to say something stupid, yet you said the first thing that came to your mind.
“To beautiful women.”
Billie clinked her glass to yours.
“To beautiful women.”
As you sipped on alcohol, Billie sat up straight in her chair.
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you last. What… Has it really been four years?”
“I believe so. It’s felt like forever.”
Billie nodded in agreement.
“I remember when I would come to your parent’s place for dinner or when I’d come house sit when they were out of town. We always had such a good time with each other, don’t you think?”
It was true, the two of you had some pretty fond memories. There were countless nights you’d stayed up way past your bedtime on a school night to play card games with her. It was hard playing against a psychic, since she could always sense your next move. Though you always knew she would let you win just to be fair. Other times, she would take you out for dinner since she wasn’t the best cook and then would take you to the movie theater afterward. Your favorite nights were the ones where you two would talk about nothing and everything. Billie was the one that taught you how to use a tarot deck. She was also the one that had banished negative energies in your room when you had a nightmare about demons. The memories you’d shared with her were some of the best memories you had.
“It was always a good time when you came over.” You replied happily, “I always looked forward to your visits. When I moved out of my parent’s place, I was worried you wouldn’t want to see me again.”
“Nonsense!” Billie retorted. She took your hand into hers and held onto it tightly. “I’ve missed you so much. How could I ever forget about you?”
“I think it was more of an irrational fear.” The feeling of her skin against your own sent shivers down your spine. There were times that she’d touched you in the past in passing or when she reached out to hug you. Though, this was different. This touch was electrifying.
“I’m really glad you reached out. Even if it was by mistake.”
“I am too.” You said in a warm tone.
After a half hour of catching up, the waitress came back with two plates of pasta.
“Here’s that food for you guys! Two pasta primaveras, made special by our head chef himself.”
“Tell Luca that he’s done a wonderful job once again.”
“Of course, Miss Howard. He hopes you guys enjoy it!”
The waitress rushed back inside the restaurant, leaving you two alone once again. You glanced down at the plate that had been presented to you. Normally, pasta wasn’t something you’d care to indulge in. Yet this dish looked more delicious than any other you’d ever seen.
“I met Luca and his wife, Isabella, a few years back when they were working out of a food truck. Their food was so amazing that I helped them get an actual restaurant of their own. They chose this place… It’s better than I could’ve ever imagined.”
It warmed your heart hearing Billie’s story. That was one of the things you loved about her; how much she cared about others. Her show made her seem uptight, or perhaps even rude. She’d taught you how important it was to be assertive around spirits, though some never understood that. Away from all the cameras, she was a big softie.
“That’s amazing… You’re amazing.” you blurted out. Your cheeks turned a bright shade of red. How could you say something so mushy?
Billie wasn’t phased by it. In fact, you made her blush a little as well.
“Try it. This is my favorite thing to get here.”
After what you’d said, you were okay with not talking for a little bit. So you did as you were told. You picked up your fork, twirled some pasta onto the prongs and lifted it so you could take a bite. A burst of flavors touched your tastebuds. It was nothing like you had ever tasted before.
“Oh my god, that’s good!” you exclaimed.
“Luca has a real talent.” Billie replied as she ate from her own plate.
The rest of the night went smoothly. Even though the two of you took a while to eat, neither one of you seemed to mind. You shared so many laughs and stories with her. This was definitely the best date you’d had in a while.
“I don’t want this night to end.” You sighed. Billie raised her brows as she took another sip of champagne.
“It doesn’t have to.”
You could feel your heart racing in your chest. Even after all this time you’d known Billie, you had never seen her place. Not to mention with the way things were going it had the potential to get very heated very quickly.
You couldn’t find the words to form a coherent response.
“I can see right through you, Y/N. I know you’re nervous and I know you’re wondering about my intentions with you. I’m psychic for crying out loud, you can’t hide anything from me.”
You knew she was right. You still found yourself speechless.
“I know what you think about me. I used to listen to all of the little fantasies that would fly around in your head when I would come visit. It was pretty obvious you had a crush on me, sweetheart.”
You felt even more flushed. Why hadn’t you thought about it before? She probably knew everything you’d ever thought about her. She could probably sense how badly you wanted to kiss her. Your body tensed up at the thought.
As if to confirm your fear, she reached out to touch your face. Her thumb gently brushed your cheek as she stared longingly at you.
“I promise that this is all real. I really like you, Y/N.”
That was all you needed. The words almost found you.
“Okay. Let’s go back to your place.”
Billie looked very pleased with your response. Pulling away, she left a cash payment along with a nice tip for the waitress. The older woman stood from her chair and gestured for you to follow.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
“I am.” You replied as you stood up to go join her, “Thank you again for dinner. It was delicious.”
She wrapped her arm around your waist as she showed you the way out.
“Anything for you, baby girl.”
You could feel a burning sensation in the pit of your stomach. She’d never given you a pet name like that, though you couldn’t deny how much you loved it. Her hand lowered a little to rest on your ass as if you were already hers. You could definitely get used to this.
REQUEST MORE FICS HERE!
#Billie Dean howard#wrong number#Billie Dean howard x reader#ahs imagine#ahs#american horror story#american horror story imagine#murder house#murder house imagine#Sarah Paulson x reader#hope you guys enjoy!
131 notes
·
View notes
Text
✩⋆ . manner of articulation; first sign of rebellion.
mini-headcanons #1
Whenever her articulation is concerned, Pearl is well known for her rather precise but sometimes long-winded dialogue. She is prone to ramble whenever given the chance & hardly replies to a question or comment with a single sentence. Usually one to articulate herself almost flawlessly, Pearl can come off as haughty or patronizing from time to time -- this, however, has not always been the case.
Pearl’s change of speech is inevitably linked to her shift in status & occupation; beginning with her role as a servant on Homeworld, & altering drastically throughout growing more & more independent, with most of her alterations becoming evident during the GEM WAR. -- to Pearl, these changes made out of her own volition [alongside becoming a “knight”] hold immense importance. After all, they embody a break with the diamond authority & a step towards personal freedom.
DISCLAIMER: The following includes my own headcanons & ideas & should, by no means, to be perceived as canon. While my headcanons are usually rooted in canon lore & use analysis of aforesaid material, the very ideas are my own.
1) HOMEWORLD. as a default pearl in White Diamond’s service, Pearl possessed a high-pitched equally default voice, very clear but also extremely monotone & robotic, lacking any signs or traces of individuality. She usually articulated herself by using specific sentence components alongside ending or beginning aforesaid sentences with “MY DIAMOND”. As a default [lacking common configurations] her vocabulary as such was fairly limited. She rarely used pronouns to refer to herself. Instead, she spoke in allegories by using her superiors as a means to convey whatever she was supposed to convey [”My Diamond would like to see you now” instead of “I am here to pick you up” or “My Diamond enjoys dance performances” instead of “I like to dance”]. Needless to say, Pearl never truly expressed her own wishes or thoughts but indirectly stated her concerns through, again, using “her diamond” as a reference. While other pearls sometimes spoke more freely in private, Pearl never felt the wish to do so. In addition to her linguistic limitations, she also yielded to behavioural rules & regulations. -- pearls were only allowed to talk whenever spoken to, were supposed to listen to verbal & gestural commands [an example for a keyphrase being “that will be all” followed by clapping twice]. -- this usually led to Pearl developing the habit to silently stand in the background, waiting for a command or anything similar.
The first alteration to her common manner of articulation was made after being handed to Pink Diamond, approximately 1500 years after her emergence. Pink often asked Pearl questions & encouraged her to speak up whenever she felt the need. It took Pearl several years to actually do so. -- eventually, in an attempt to “make Pink happy” she unsolicitedly, on her own volition, suggested interstellar travel; Pink Diamond rejoiced & believed she had finally gotten through to her silent & dull “companion”. Things did not progress much further from there, however, even if Pearl started adapting by learning how to use the pronouns “I” & “me” instead of constantly expressing herself through referring to Pink as “her diamond”.
2) LIFE ON EARTH / THE GEM WAR. partially in an attempt to further adjust to her NEW lifestyle, Pearl started speaking more freely, allowing emotions to influence her pronunciation, developing her own, personal sentence structure & melody. Whenever Rose & her travelled to Earth together, Pearl grew more confident; instead of reverting to her head-voice, Pearl focused on speaking in a lower pitch, in addition to shortening words [i.e. negations]. Still, she hardly initiated conversations, waited for commands or questions, sometimes fell back into old habits or apologized for “speaking out of turn”. However, shortly after the outbreak of the rebellion, Pearl started to ramble more frequently, laughed & learned eagerly. -- it was difficult at first & required a lot of concentration & new-found strenuousness but she managed, at least in a certain scope, eventually.
Upon meeting other Gems, things grew more complicated & complex. At first, Pearl was usually assumed to be Rose Quartz’ personal servant & thus addressed as such. This proved to be an issue that triggered Pearl’s programming & basically erased what progress she had made so far. While she could speak more freely with Rose, the stress that other gems evoked caused her to go back into servant mode, forcing her to silence herself to prohibit any personal “slip-ups” that could have led to her revealing Rose’s & her status. -- she had never learned how to talk to any Gem aside from other pearls or diamonds, leaving her with no other choice than to relearn how to properly react & respond to people in specific social scenarios. To overcome her conditioning’s interference & personal inability to muster up the nerves to actually converse, Pearl spoke in a strictly monosyllabic manner at first. “Yes”, “No”, “Okay”, “So?” “What?”, “Go there”, “Negative”, “Positive”, etc were commonly the only words others would come to hear. -- either that or she did not say anything at all.
-- --. Needless to say, part of Pearl’s status as “Terrifying Renegade” came from her being perceived as mute, usually glaring at whoever happened to be in her proximity, rather letting her deeds “do the talking”. While people never truly expected a pearl to speak, it was the way she carried herself, the way she poofed / shattered enemies seemingly out of nowhere before disappearing again that struck fellow rebels & Homeworld soldiers with fear. -- instead of a soft-spoken, demure “yes, my quartz” other gems would hear gruff retorts or receive nought but a long, direct stare. -- needless to say, many perceived that as quite unnerving.
In truth, however, Pearl had troubles rearranging her sentences, ever afraid of "messing up”. Speaking had suddenly become a fight of its own; on the one hand, she fought her programming by not only speaking out of turn but also by using words & phrases she was not supposed to use, addressing Rose not as DIAMOND but by her NAME or as LEADER OF THE REBELLION while on the other concentrating on using the right pronunciation, taking the pitch of her voice, sentence melody & social etiquette into consideration. Most of her attempts came out languidly spoken & overcautiously phrased; Pearl had to completely remodel EVERYTHING she knew whilst constantly biting her tongue whenever the urge to be “just a pearl” arose. -- most of her learning process consisted out of observing other Gems & listening to their conversations, through reading, or having Rose teach her specific vocabulary during sword-fighting practice. Due to this, it took her quite a while overcome her emotional limitations, her fear of failure, & the ongoing inner conflict which the very situation had inevitably set free.
3) POST WAR / SHOW-CANON. at this point in time, after approximately 1000 years, Pearl had come a long way. Her affinity to pay close attention to every spoken word led to her developing quite the pristine grammar & a low-pitched voice alongside quite a lively tone. Nowadays, she usually speaks rather formally, using little to no abbreviations unless she interacts with people she knows [such as Steven, Garnet, Rose & Amethyst]. Additionally, she has a hard time keeping her sentences brief; she rambles, & joyously so.
Yet despite all of her improvements & pride, most of her “lofty” & eloquent talk is deeply rooted in a certain hyper-awareness & a terrible fear of “messing up” or falling back into old patterns. Even if she has long moved past the servant phase of her life she still feels like she has to prove that she is as smart as anyone, that she is not “just a pearl” but in fact as good as any other gem. Her urge to earn validation makes itself known in various situations, often subconsciously coercing her to “show off”. -- her desire to constantly share what she knows, her patronizing manner of addressing / calling out mistakes or correcting “grammatical flaws”, her seemingly neverending ramblings; it all ties back to her past & having been confronted with her status throughout her entire life.
While she is quite GOOD at covering up her insecurities through partially “faked” bravado, her inferiority complex often shows whenever she is agitated or emotions get the best of her. In the worst cases, her nervousness & emotional instability makes her speak faster than she thinks, lets her stumble over her own words, has her trail off, swallow vocals & consonants or have her at a loss of words. It makes it harder for her to express what she means, pushing her into this unbearable situation of not knowing how to continue or what to say; she loses her red thread & tries to save face by fleeing the premise. -- it is something she hates but cannot really control.
#[[ I am finally finishing & publishing my headcanons. UNBELIEVABLE I know. To be frank I am still uncertain of 90% of them but#well. I need to start somewhere. This is the first of a ton I have in my drafts. Courage dear heart weuzgfwzweg#it all started when Peridot asked Steven if he taught Pearl to 'speak like that' in 'Back to the Barn' & I just went crazy from there#this does not include Future yet because I wanna talk about this at some other point but uh...#either way. I will probably write a seperate headcanon about her relationships at some point. With the one about Garnet mentioning how they#usually communicated through body language during the war since as stated Pearl had issues to communicate with other Gems at first#but yeah there is a reason why Garnet understands her even if she doesn't say a thing ]]#vii. 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮 𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗲.
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Character Solidifying pt. 2
The second half of this.
26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?
The Dawn Refuge is pretty run-down. It’s a shack that Jin has repurposed into a safe house. However, he does his best to keep it liveable. He keeps a number of sentimental items there, and each item has its own place. As for his personal appearance, he tries to maintain a certain level of cleanliness. He’s always going to be covered in mud, sweat, and blood, but he does his best to bathe as often as he can. Whenever his clothing starts to get frayed, he’ll patronize someone at a local village to mend it. He always keeps his armored oiled, lacquered, and ready for battle. He’ll try to shave when he can and he keeps his hair pulled back in a haphazard bun so it isn’t in his face. He certainly doesn’t look like a lord anymore, but he maintains a sense of nobility in his demeanor and personal hygiene.
27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?
He prizes functionality over form these days. He will try to personalize when he can, but it is never as ostentatious as it was when he was Lord Sakai. What he wears is very similar to the peasants of Tsushima because he needs to blend in with them to a point. Can’t have the Shogun’s men or the Khan’s stragglers recognizing him on sight.
28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?
Canonically, no one. In my heart (and Jin’s), it’s Yuna. He literally would not be alive because of her. She saved his life on three separate occasions and is responsible for the legend of The Ghost. She is a thief, true, but she’s a survivor. Jin respects her so much and has learned a great deal from her. He would give his life for the people of Tsushima, and he would give his life for her especially. Neither has blood relations any more, but Jin considers Yuna to be closer than family. He would do anything she asked of him, including running away from all this. All she has to do is ask. She won’t, though, which is why he loves her so much. She understands and accepts his drive to protect his people. He trusts her with everything and would die for her sake.
29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?
His weakness is also his strength: Jin feels everything. He is ruled by his emotions. This is a good and bad thing. He cares very deeply and will fight hard because of it. But he also can sometimes let his emotions overwhelm him. This leads to stupid things like trying to fight the Khan alone on a bridge with broken armor. He’s getting better at using his emotions as a tool, but he still can sometimes let them overwhelm him.
30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?
He’s holding on to a lot of guilt and regret. Pretty much everyone he loves died. Some by his own hand, some because of mistakes he’s made. He will always feel like he could have done more for his father, even though logically he knows he was still a child and probably would have died had he tried to come to his aide. Killing Ryuzo was a result of Ryuzo’s pride and unwillingness to work with Jin, but he still hates that he had to do it. And his uncle asked to be killed, and honoring that wish was the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life. In idle moments, Jin replays these scenes and scans his memory for anything he might have done for these outcomes to have ended differently. He’s yet to come up with anything.
31. Does your character have children? How do they feel about their parental role? About the children? How do the children relate?
He does not. He’s never had a strong desire to be a parent. Rather, he wanted to pass on his family name (through either the Sakai or Shimura line) and ensure the survival of his clan. However, that is no longer an option. Sometimes, in his weaker moments, he imagines running off with Yuna to the mainland to start a family and disappear into anonymity, but he would never actually do it. The guilt for abandoning his people would nag at him for the rest of his life. So he probably won’t ever have children of his own. The closest he will get to ever being a parent is being a role model for aimless young men who want to join in The Ghost’s fight. He wouldn’t quite be comfortable with it, but he would do his best to guide them when the time comes.
32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?
He tries to remain stoic outwardly, but inwardly he is a storm of emotions. Worry, anger, fear, regret… Just a big mess. However, he will try to channel these emotions into finding a solution to the cause of his stress. He will try to face everything head-on and, failing that, will come at it from a different angle. Anything to find a solution and return to inner peace. If it doesn’t work out, he’ll doggedly try again until he either solves the problem or runs out of options.
33. Do they drink? Take drugs? What about their health?
He doesn’t drink heavily, but one of his close friends is a sake merchant who has no problem letting him sample his wares for free. Aside from regularly taking a beating and getting hurt with swords, arrows, and bombs, his health is relatively okay. He’s survived multiple situations that should have killed him, so his constitution is pretty strong.
34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?
He’s basically a medieval Japanese Batman. He knows what he is doing is right, but he’s frustrated at the powers that be for not listening to him in regards to fighting the Mongols. He’s also got a (not so) healthy dose of vengeance making up his driving force. He tries to keep it in check, but a part of him does enjoy being The Ghost.
35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?
Jin does not handle his own failure well at all. He’ll silently agonize over it and keep himself up with guilt and regret. He’s much better at dealing with the failure of others. In that case, he’ll just get extremely annoyed and fix it himself. He holds himself to a much higher standard than everyone else.
36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?
Absolutely not. Jin can’t abide anyone suffering. Unless they’re a Mongol. Even then, he wants to know they suffered, but doesn’t want to watch it.
37. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?
Jin spends a lot of time in his own memories. He is constantly reliving his past to see if there’s anything at all he could have done to change the outcome or learn from his mistakes. He is constantly trying to glean any insights from the lessons of his past.
38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?
Jin tries to keep an open mind when facing new things. He is guarded until he sees how things are going to turn out, but he isn’t going to be afraid to try a new way of doing things. Jin’s not so arrogant that he doesn’t realize someone else’s way of doing things might not be better than his.
39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid?
He doesn’t like to ridicule anyone or anything. However, he does find a lot of things stupid. He hates when people are so blinded by tradition or their own sense of self-importance that they won’t even consider that they might be wrong. He thinks that is the most ignorant, foolish way to live.
40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?
Jin has a great sense of humor under the right circumstances. When he doesn’t have the weight of saving all of Japan from the Mongols on his shoulders, he likes to cut loose. He does know how to have a good time. It’s just that he hasn’t been having a very good time as of late.
41. Is your character aware of who they are? Strengths? Weaknesses? Idiosyncrasies? Capable of self-irony?
He is very aware of who he is. Growing up, no one ever let him forget he was the jito’s nephew. Now that he’s distanced himself from that, no one lets him forget that he is The Ghost. However, he does still feel some insecurities over how well suited he is to these different mantles. He knows his own strengths, but he is hyper aware of his weaknesses too. He will sometimes try to joke about them, but it belies a very real sense of disappointment in himself.
42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?
A god damn nap. But on a more serious note, he mostly wants a family and sense of belonging. He also wants very badly to not disappoint the people he loves best. They all want different things from him and he wants to be able to deliver on all fronts. He will run himself ragged trying to do so, sacrificing his own happiness at times so that his loved ones can be happy.
43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back?
Jin is sort of bad at keeping secrets. For example: everyone fucking knows he’s The Ghost. He tends to wear his heart on his sleeve and is a bad liar, so he doesn’t keep a lot of secrets.
44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?
Badly enough to be declared a traitor to the Shogun. He wants to live by his own personal code of honor, helping those who cannot help themselves, so he’ll do whatever it takes to achieve this. Even if it means going against hundreds of years of tradition or using underhanded tactics. If it means more people will survive and be safe, Jin will do it.
45. Is your character pragmatic? Think first? Responsible? All action? A visionary? Passionate? Quixotic?
Jin feels responsible for everyone and everything. He is extremely reliable. If there’s even the tiniest chance he can take care of something, he’ll promise to do it and he’ll get it done. He would like to think that he is pragmatic, as that is how his uncle raised him to be, but Jin is quite emotional. He just hides it very well. He is a man of action, but he doesn’t rush into things half-cocked anymore. He’ll sit and strategize, trying to find the best plan of attack that will have the least amount of fallout damage.
46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?
Jin is short by modern standards, standing at only 5’2’’. However, that was on the tallish side for men in feudal Japan. He has a lithe, muscular build and he carries himself with the poise and dignity required of a samurai. He is quite proud of his body, less for how it looks and more for how powerful it is. He’s accomplished numerous feats of physical prowess, including surviving things that should have killed him. So yes. He’s proud of what his body has been through and what it can do. It just also happens to look nice.
47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Do they want to be visible or invisible?
When he was younger, he wanted people to notice him. He wanted them to see him as a brave warrior because he thought that might make him feel less guilt about watching his father die and doing nothing. However, he’s done a complete 180. He wants to blend in and remain unseen. This way, he can work more efficiently. Of course, everyone knows he’s The Ghost, but it’s the principle of the matter. He’s not going to draw any extra attention to himself if he doesn’t have to.
48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?
Very restrained. He generally does not use his hands when he talks and he tries to keep his face neutral save for when he is out carousing. But he rarely ever does that anymore.
49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent?
He’s got a soft, gentle voice. Most people don’t expect that from The Ghost. It’s smooth, like brandy. He was schooled in proper speech and grammar ever since he was a child, so you wouldn’t notice anything other than eloquence from him. When he’s speaking English in the yakuza verse, he speaks with a Japanese accent. It isn’t heavily accented, English, however; you’re not going to have trouble understanding him.
50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?
Jin has trained himself to keep a neutral face for most of the time. However, he isn’t always great at hiding his emotions. He’ll frown and furrow his brow quite a bit when he’s unhappy. He rarely smiles with his teeth, but he does smile. It’s just very restrained. My boy needs to loosen up.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Perfect Reality (Billy Hargrove x reader)
Hi again, I wrote a little something, hope you enjoy. I tagged some people at the end but feel free to ignore it because I don’t know if you want to read it. Also, check out my other stories on Wattpad here.
Billy Hargrove x reader (Stranger Things)
Warning: Season 3 spoilers, mentions of abuse, scars/injuries and trauma, language, unplanned pregnancy, angst.
Masterlist
Friendships are strong and powerful relationships. Finding a person who can share all your secrets, relate to the same situations, and react similarly to one's self is a truly magnificent occurrence.
Of course, like any relationship, not all friendships are beneficial. Some people bounce their negative feelings off each other causing bad situations to become worse.
Neil Hargrove and Randy Moore were classic examples of a bad friendship. They had been friends for several years, both born and raised on the sandy beaches of California. When Neil got married, Randy was his best man. They were the godfathers of each other's kids. When Randy's girlfriend left him with their daughter, Neil supported him and taught him some of his own unorthodox coping skills. They had been together for so long they didn't remember a time without each other.
Their children formed a similar bond, although, theirs was a friendship of support. Y/n Moore never got to know her mother and often felt like it was her fault. Billy Hargrove was always there to remind her it was out of her control and that they could share his mom. They spent days on the beach laughing, surfing and playing under the watchful eye of Billy's mother. Billy would get upset when his mother and father fought, so Y/n always left her window open if he needed an escape.
When Billy's mother left him and his father, both friendships changed. Billy tried so hard not to blame himself, but his mother was gone, and he had done nothing. It didn't help that Neil blamed him and he was reminded of that with a good slap nearly every night.
Neil and Randy would go out nearly every night to drink and forget about their lost women. Of course, coming home to children that looked like them just brought all those alcohol repressed feelings to the surface. It was those times when they couldn't escape, that they relied on their coping mechanisms.
The bruises got harder to hide as they got older. Billy and Y/n couldn't tell anyone without fear of getting something worse than a bruise. One night, Y/n had come home late which led to a nasty fight and ended with a long scar down her arm. Nights when they couldn't stand being in the same building as their fathers, they would sneak out and go to the other's window. Countless nights were spent consoling each other in quiet as to not awake their fathers.
Some nights, they would both sneak out and go to the beach. They would splash and play like they did when they were younger. It was a night spent on the beach that they had their first kiss. They were fifteen and Neil had recently met a woman named Susan. Whenever he was around Susan, he held back a lot of his true personality. Billy was a great stress reliever at the end of the night.
They sat on a blanket facing each other, Billy wincing as Y/n dabbed at his quickly bruising eye. The beach was quiet that night, other than the small waves crashing against the shore, nothing could be heard.
"Do you ever think of running away?" Y/n asked. They had talked about it when Billy's mom first left, but they were too young then with no money and no way to get some. Now they older. Y/n was sure they could make it if they stayed together.
Billy paused, looking into Y/n's eyes as she continued to take care of him. Her eyes always sparkled on clear nights, sometimes he swore he could see the stars in them. "Sometimes," Billy confessed. "But when we're older and can get our own jobs and change our names without needing an adult." He reached his own hand up to cover hers which had paused when he started talking. "When we can do everything ourselves, then we can leave. Hide away somewhere they'll never find us."
She smiled, her mind drifting to thoughts about a life with Billy. Just him and her. No pain, no more scars or bruises, they could be happy. They didn't need much. Just a small house, or even an apartment, far away from the world, maybe near an ocean or even a lake. The sound of the water always calmed them both.
She looked back up to find that Billy's gaze hadn't left her face. He was staring at her lips. When he noticed her looking, he blushed.
She couldn't help it. Her eyes flicked down to his lips before returning to his eyes with a smile. Her hand quickly dropped from his face but as soon as it had, Billy reached up to cup her face and pull her forward into a breathtaking kiss.
It was magical, for both teens. It was their first kiss. Sure, Billy's mom had kissed them both on the forehead, but that was nothing compared to what had just happened. When they both pulled back, neither could stop the large smiles that spread across their faces nor could they help the butterflies that filled them with excitement.
Unfortunately, life can't always be filled with sunshine and rainbows.
When Neil decided to propose to Susan, Y/n ended up in the hospital. Randy was upset about the possibility of losing his best friend and after a night of drinking alone, breaking his daughter's arm was easy. She hadn't done anything except being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Billy was ready to murder Randy when he found out, but Y/n talked him out of it. She was used to being his punching bag – they both were – tonight she had just taken a harder beating.
Billy was introduced to Susan's daughter, Maxine. She was sweet and kind, but also tough and could sass her way through any conversation. In other circumstances, Billy may have liked the kid, but with Billy receiving a beating after every mistake she made, Billy couldn't help but hate her. Y/n didn't know the girl, but anyone who caused Billy to get hurt was immediately disliked.
Before the wedding, Neil and Susan decided to move to a new place. Susan's ex caused too many problems in California and Neil didn't have enough happy memories to stay.
Y/n was heartbroken. The only person who ever made her feel like life was worth living, would soon be on the other side of the country. Billy was just as upset. They both didn't want to think of what would happen when they left. Randy had done terrible things at the mere mention of losing his best friend. What would happen to Y/n when it really did happen?
So, she convinced Randy to follow the Hargroves.
Over their seventeen years of living, Y/n and Billy had picked up a few skills of manipulation. Giving people the attention they needed, often allowed them to get whatever they needed. Teachers, for example, always seemed to crumble with a wink and a few flirty comments. When people are uncertain, hints and reverse psychology was always successful.
Randy was easy to convince. Once the idea was put in his head, everything else seemed to fall into place. A few comments about "going out with Neil" more often in the new town and the thought that a place like Indiana would be easier to hide the bruises – without constant sun, sweaters and pants would fit in more – and the Moores were packing their things.
Hawkins, Indiana was not a nice place to live. It smelled, there was nothing to do, and it always seemed as if something was wrong.
It was quite easy to find a place in Hawkins. The school was small and in desperate need of leadership. The other teens were either envious or falling at their feet or, on most occasions, both. Billy and Y/n went to every party. By Halloween, they were known as the King and Queen of Hawkins. It didn't take much, a few party tricks here and there, smooth-talking the teachers, and succeeding at a few extracurriculars was all it took.
Tommy and Carol were easy puppets. They told Y/n and Billy everything in hopes of gaining even a tiny bit of favour. They followed them around like dogs on a leash. They were annoying to Y/n, but Billy thought they were funny, so they kept them around.
Billy was quick to dislike Steve Harrington, especially after he overheard Y/n and Carol talking about how he was cute but too focused on his hair to be good at anything else. Billy found himself quickly besting Steve at everything. Basketball, partying, even small things like driving faster. The sight of him, made Billy think irrationally and on more than one occasion, Y/n found herself calming him down when he snuck into her bed at night.
Despite ruling Hawkins teenage population, Billy and Y/n did not like living in Hawkins. Maxine had found friends and every time she was late, or Billy didn't know where she was, Billy was beaten. Every time Neil was unavailable for a drink at the only bar in town, Y/n became a punching bag for Randy. Nothing they did ever seemed right in their fathers' eyes. Living without support from the people who are supposed to be there for you no matter what was nearly impossible. Many times, Y/n confessed she didn't think she would have survived without Billy.
But summer had finally come. No more school, for ever if they wanted. No more worrying about Max. They had seemed to come to an arrangement where she was more careful, and Billy was less rude. When she met Y/n, she actually seemed to like her. Billy and Y/n were adults now, free to live on their own.
If only they could afford it. So, they got jobs, Billy at the pool as a lifeguard, and Y/n at Danny's, a local restaurant. Billy's job was easy money. He enjoyed yelling at kids and watching the mom's attempt to catch his attention with skimpy bathing suits and expensive hairdos. Of course, he encouraged it, a wink here, a comment there, and the moms went crazy. They brought their kids every day which meant more money for the pool and, in turn, Billy. On the other hand, Y/n hated her job. People could be rude and demanding. Fortunately, the old men were great tippers, especially when she flirted with them and unbuttoned her top a little more than necessary.
Of course, life wouldn't let them escape their troubles that easy. It always had to get complicated just when things were looking better.
Y/n sat on the double bed in the Motel 6. She had been a lot more emotional lately and seemed to get irritated with everyone. Not even Billy was exempt.
Just the other night, she had snapped at him. She had snuck into his room with a fresh bruise forming under her eye. Randy had found her stash of tips she had been hiding under her bed. He was angry. Y/n's money went to support the family. Of course, that also meant funding his drinking habits.
Luckily, Y/n had two stashes with equal amounts. She was scared Randy might go through her stuff. Still, he had found her stash and taken the money and in Y/n's mind that meant she had lost half her savings. She put them a step back in their attempts to break free from their parents. She needed Billy, but he wasn't there.
She fell asleep to his scent surrounding her.
Billy stumbled through his window later, successfully waking her. He was drunk, far more than he usually was. He barely noticed she was there.
"Billy?"
He snapped his head up. He had pulled off his shirt and shoes and was in the middle of kicking his shoes off when he heard her.
"Baby?" He squinted through the dark, smiling when he recognized her. "I sure am glad to see you. I have had a boner all night. Thought I'd have to take care of it myself but now-"
"Billy!" she interrupted. He laid down on the bed, facing her.
"Yes, doll?" He still wore a dopey smile and his eyes were somewhat glazed despite the serious tone in Y/n's voice.
"I needed you tonight." She tried to get him to focus.
"I need you too, baby." He gestured to his crotch.
She rolled her eyes, growing angry at the drunk before her. "Billy, look at me, I mean really look, and tell me that you can't see what's wrong."
He squinted at her. "Wait. Something's wrong?"
She huffed angrily. "Yes." She stood up from the bed. "I came home to find Randy had gone through my room while I was at work. He found one of my stashes. He took it." She had started pacing as she ranted. "Of course, he freaked at me, and next thing I know, I'm on the floor, a growing pain on my eye. I rush out of the house to come here and my car doesn't start. Literally, everything was going wrong. I walked here, in the rain mind you, 'cause God knows this town can't give me one day with nice weather, and you are not here. No, you're out getting drunk. What makes it all worse, is that I found out some news today that I need to tell-" She had turned her glare to focus on her boyfriend. "Are you asleep?"
She almost burst into tears when he didn't respond. "Billy?" she harshly shook him awake.
"Wha- What the hell was that for?"
"I can't believe you." She turned and climbed out of his window.
She had phoned the next day to apologize but Billy hadn't been awake. Y/n left a message with Max. She had rented a room at the motel - Billy would know which one, they had been there before - and wanted to talk to Billy. Max promised she would relay the message.
It was nearing 8 o'clock and Y/n was getting worried. She knew he worked until 6 so she had expected him to arrive around 7, but as each minute passed, she grew more and more worried that she had lost him.
They had fought before, the fight the other night hadn't even been that bad. It was unlikely he remembered it. But Y/n's emotions were out of wack. Everything that went wrong seemed to wreck her life.
She glanced to the clock again.
7:53.
Her eyes fell on the phone. She could call his house, but it was unlikely he would be the one to pick up. They didn't call each other at night, it was too likely that the other's father would be home, and that would just turn into another argument.
She fiddled with her hands, eyes flitting from the little stick sitting on the bed with her and the bag she brought with her.
7:54.
She never cried. Never. She and Billy had made a promise to never cry about the people who didn't want them, long ago. They wouldn't cry over parents that left nor would they cry over the parents that stayed but hated them. She didn't want to break the promise. Not now.
She hugged her stomach and she rocked a bit, trying to calm her nerves. Billy and she had made a life. It may have been an accident but she was pregnant. The proof lay on the bed beside her.
7:56.
Her mother hadn't wanted her. She understood to a certain extent. Leaving because she was being abused was something Y/n dreamed of almost daily, but she would never condemn another to take her place. That was exactly what her mother had done. Y/n was the replacement punching bag.
7:57.
Y/n shook as a tear escaped her eye at the thought that Billy didn't want her. She had no doubt that Max had passed on the message, Y/n had sounded quite serious when she talked to her and Max hadn't ever lied to her before. Billy had to have chosen not to come.
7:58.
"No," Y/n spoke to herself. "I will not cry over you, Billy. I will not cry for someone who doesn't want me." She dried her face and looked down at her stomach, pressing her hands against it. "If he doesn't come, he doesn't want us. And that's okay, baby. It's okay. I'm here. I want you and I'll never let a day pass without making sure you know that."
She laid down resting her head against the pillow.
8:00.
"We'll be okay."
Things started getting very weird after that night.
Y/n didn't see Billy for nearly four days. On July 2nd, Max showed up on her doorstep with a girl called El. They asked if she had seen Billy. Y/n scoffed telling them that Billy missed their date and hadn't contacted her since.
They had frowned, running off without another word.
She didn't know what to think.
Then Max returned, two nights later, on the Fourth of July, begging for help with Billy. Y/n almost wanted to say no. But then Max started talking about a Mind Flayer and Billy getting controlled by it. Y/n was so confused, she let herself get pulled away.
They ended up at the Starcourt Mall. Y/n was told to find Billy and remind him of who he really was.
She found him hovering over the girl called El. She moved towards him slowly, the giant monster made her a bit hesitant, but Billy looked so pained and scared that she had to go to him.
"Billy!" she called over the deafening noise. "Billy, please stop."
He turned, his eyes meeting hers. He stood and made his way over to her. He raised his arm, and Y/n though he was going to cup her cheek.
But he didn't.
Instead, Y/n was met with a firm hand gripping her throat.
"Billy," she choked out.
He made no move to stop.
"Please. Don't do this."
"Billy!" Max yelled, causing the man to shift his gaze and loosen his grip slightly. "Stop!"
El, who barely had any strength left, propped herself up to try and help. Her friends were terrified of Billy and she knew she could help.
"Seven feet," she recalled the memory she saw in Billy's head. "You told her the wave was seven feet." Billy paused, his arm loosening enough strength to set Y/n down. His eyes turned to El, but he kept his hand around Y/n's neck. "You ran to her, on the beach. There were seagulls. She wore a hat with a blue ribbon. A long dress with a blue and red flower. Yell- yellow sandals, covered in sand. Y/n was there." Billy turned back to Y/n. "She sat in the sand cheering. They were pretty."
Y/n reached up, cupping his cheek. His eyes filled with tears as his hand left her throat.
"And you-" El continued "-you were happy."
"We can be happy again, Billy." He wiped away the tears that fell from Y/n's eyes. "I need you," she confessed. "We both do."
His eyes crinkled in confusion, so Y/n took his hand, the one that had just been around her throat, and placed it on her stomach.
"Let's go back to California. We'll be happy again."
Billy smiled pulling her close and breathing in her intoxicating scent which he had missed so dearly. He whispered apologies into her hair as she rubbed circles into his back.
The moment was broken when El let out an ear-piercing scream. They jumped, turning to see the giant monster getting closer to her.
Billy jumped into action, pushing away the monster that was threatening the people who cared about him enough to help him.
The monster screeched, angry that his pawn had turned against him. Arm-like appendages sprouted from its mouth, plunging into Billy's body.
Y/n screamed as the monster aimed for his heart.
Then it stopped.
The monster stepped back, screeching in pain before it collapsed.
Y/n ran to Billy who lay almost motionless.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
She brushed his damp hair out of his face. "It wasn't your fault." She smiled down at him. "It's all going to be okay."
Max joined them, falling to her knees beside Y/n. "Hey, Maxine."
She smiled, letting a few tears fall as she ignored the use of her full name. "Billy, you're okay?"
"I'm tougher than I look." He turned back to Y/n. "What about you? Were you serious?" He placed his hand on her stomach.
Y/n nodded, more tears falling. "You're going to be a dad, Billy."
Billy smiled happily as he watched Max gush about becoming an aunt. Sure, he was more nervous than when he confessed his feelings for Y/n, but she was happy, and he loved her more than anything. They had been through so many terrible things, a baby wouldn't be much different. He knew that he could never hurt Y/n, and, with this child being a part of her, he would never hurt it.
Then his eyes fell on the bruises forming on her neck. His hand reached up to gently run his fingers across it. He had done that. He had broken his promise.
"Stop," Y/n whispered, grabbing his hand and entwining her fingers with his. "It wasn't your fault." She placed a soft kiss on his lips.
It wasn't long till medical personal were rushing in and Billy was carried out of the mall.
1 Year Later
Y/n bounced the little baby on her lap as they watched the waves roll. Billy was out in the ocean with Max, teaching her how to surf.
California was beautiful, even better than they remembered. Although that could just be because they had left their fathers behind. They had moved back as soon as Billy was released from the hospital. The drive had been long but knowing they were free made it all worth it.
Money was tight, but they both made sacrifices. Billy's car had been broken and a smashed during his time under the control of the Mind Flayer. They sold it to a junkyard for $150. They got a small one-bedroom apartment. They would need something bigger when their child was older, but it was all they could afford, at the moment.
Y/n got a job at a bar. It wasn't great, there was a lot of drunk men, but she was used to drunk losers. After her father, the drunk men she encountered were easily handled. Plus, she got great tips, and the old man who owned the place, Terrance, was very nice. It wasn't too far away from their apartment, so it was a perfectly fine job.
Billy got a job with Miller Construction. He enjoyed it more than he admitted. The people he worked with were really funny and he was good at his job. Often times, the guys would go to a bar after work. Billy managed to convince them to go to The Red Lady, the bar Y/n worked at, so he could chat with her and the guys. He never drank anywhere near enough to get drunk, none of them did, but he always stayed until Y/n's shift was over so they could walk home together.
Terrance was very good with letting Y/n have time off for Doctors appointments. Unfortunately, Billy wasn't so lucky. He didn't want to miss a single one, especially after he missed the first, but his boss couldn't always spare the time. On days he couldn't get off, he would take an unofficial extended lunch with his coworkers covering for him.
He loved seeing his little child on the screen, even before it looked like a baby. He would see the image appear, and tears would spring to his eyes as the doctor pointed to the different parts of the child. He, Billy Hargrove, a boy who had been told he was worthless and would amount to nothing, had created a life with the woman he loved more than anything.
The day Y/n gave birth was possibly the most stressful day of their lives. The baby was early by nearly a week causing them to be just a bit unprepared. Billy had never driven so fast in his life, his girlfriend's screams making his foot turn to lead.
After only five hours in the hospital, Elizabeth Marina Hargrove was born. She was beautiful with Billy's bright blue eyes that didn't stop looking around. She was quiet too, hardy crying once she was put in her mother's arms. Y/n felt overwhelmed with love when she watched Billy gaze down at his daughter snuggled in his arms.
Max was extremely happy for them too. They called her as soon as they got home. Once she got over the initial excitement, Y/n and Billy asked her to tell the others, especially El. They had chosen the name Elizabeth because El had been the one to save Billy. El was the reason they had made it to California, and she deserved to be recognized for that. They ended the call with Max promising to come to visit them in the summer.
Which was exactly what she did.
Y/n and Billy had invited Max to stay for a few weeks. In addition to meeting Ellie, Y/n and Billy had wanted Max to be present at their wedding. The only reason they had held off for so long was for her. Y/n wanted her to be present. She had brought Y/n to help Billy, and they had grown quite close over the year, talking on the phone whenever Y/n had a day off. She was kept updated on everything with the baby and kept Y/n updated on events in Hawkins as well, even though she didn't care too much about the shitty town.
Y/n glanced at the ring on her finger. It didn't have a big shiny diamond on it, but it was beautiful. Ellie loved it too, taking every chance to play with it on her mother's hand.
Ellie yawned, turning around to snuggle into her mother's arms and closing her eyes. Billy and Max came to sit with Y/n, grabbing some of the strawberries they had brought along with them.
They chatted for a bit as the sun set, before packing up and walking home. Y/n had been right.
They were happy, happier than they had ever been before. Everything was perfect. Their perfect reality.
I still haven’t gotten many reactions from my writing so I thought I would tag some people again. Feel free to ignore.
@theonewiththefanfics
@multi-fandom-fanfiction
#billy hargove x reader#billy hargrove#stranger things#stranger things 3#x reader#pregnant!reader#stranger things spoilers#perfect reality#fanfiction#Sj writes
127 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’ve had some light shed on my heart since I wrote my last personal post on here.
I realize now a large part of what has been bothering me is that these people who mistreated me, blew up, attacked me, turned awfully on me and betrayed who I thought they were supposed to be to me after I’d only been kind to them...none of that was my fault, and the fact that I’ve let it bother me SO BADLY is my own fault.
See, I feel it’s unjust they were so hateful toward me and I didn’t understand HOW they could be that way when I’d only been a kind, loving friend who generously poured into them. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!!?
But that’s because I have this theory in my mind that’s incorrect about how relationships work.
I think that if I’m nice, kind, loving, I never rock the boat, I swallow and put behind me everything hurtful or wrong someone does, or if I tried to address things as nicely as possible to people, that when they respond in ANY negative way, it creates this guilt on me that I was somehow wrong if they attack me- even if I know what they’re saying about me is false and wrong, even malicious.
The issue is I value them being happy with me way too much. I value pleasing them and want them to still like me and I do all I can to be kind, considerate, nice, sensitive...I’m too nice.
Yes, too nice.
I’m the nicest fucking person you will ever meet!
And now, I’m not proud of that quality. Because in order to be so nice, I often shove my true feelings down and smooth things over before I get a chance to be blunt or honest about my own hurt with the people who hurt me.
I DON’T TELL THEM like I should.
Even my break-up, I spent an hour seeking God and preparing myself to be loving before we had “the conversation”. I focused on forgiveness and being loving and speaking truth and life to the person who’d LITERALLY waited until I got on an airplane home to break up with me instead of doing it to my face even though we both knew he was going to, and who deeply betrayed my trust and disrespected my boundaries and made me feel less pure by blantantly crossing a physical/sexual boundary I clearly, firmly, repeatedly communicated to him. Yet I was the one focused on his feelings, when it forced me to hide my own raw pain and I didn’t get my chance to fully express to extent of the hurt he caused me. It inhibited my own healing.
And I’ve been doing this my whole fucking life. Minimizing myself and dismissing my own feelings to avoid someone thrashing out at me when I tell them what they did was shitty and i didn’t like it. Like why can’t I say that?
Because I thought it was not nice.
Well, you can still be a loving, kind, caring person and speak the truth and be honest. You should NEVER have to fake or cover how you truly feel just out of fear.
And that is why these reactions where people didn’t care or attacked ME instead when I brought up their behavior as problematic were SO traumatizing for me. That response of them being upset at ME when I was the one with the right to be upset and foergoing it to be nice in how I approached them about the issue was my greatest fear. I sacrificed my true feelings to consider theirs.
Listen, you don’t have to have blantant disregard for the feelings other others, but your feelings matter. You matter. And if you need to be honest and express something, don’t be afraid of how the other person is going to choose to take it. YOU CAN’T CONTROL THAT. They can be offended or upset or accuse you falsely or attack your character. That is their choice. It sucks to get that kind of response and feel uncared for, but listen- you will create lifelong tension and resentment if you don’t say what you believe you need to + instead choose fear or pleasing others because you want to avoid the discomfort and think you know what they will think.
What do you want? Are you being real? Are you be direct, honest, truthful? Or do you hide your true feelings, opinions, desires, ideas, etc?
Authenticity allows others to see and know the real you and in turn allows you to feel love and connection. Some people will disagree out of self-protection and saving face and not admit when they’re wrong when you stand up for yourself or address their actions. You can forgive them and move on, but please, don’t rob yourself of the chance to be honest if you need to be and you care about the relationship.
Idk. I’m in a frenzy of thoughts and feelings and lightbulbs, and I just want to say that it’s okay to be your best self, to be kind, loving, caring, generous, and NOT BE THE NICE GIRL no matter what because you think you have to always be “nice”.
I’d say 110% that I’m always SO considerate and nice; I minimize and hush myself, reduce myself, hide myself. I am guilty of seeking to please people because I care about their feelings and thoughts- it’s my idea of caring about them and I thought, oh, I’m putting others first and I prided myself in never showing I was angry or upset. I thought being considerate made me good, nice, kind, made people feel loved and was selfless. The world has enough selfish people and cruel people.
Well, nice is different than compassion, kindness, lovel especially when you try your hardest to be nice but then always feel anxious, guilty, fustrated, stressed out al ot, overwhelmed, irratated, and even secretly less loving and burnt out over time as I stray further and further from my authentic self just to please people and have them like me. FUCK THAT.
“The opposite of nice is not being a jerk or asshole...the opposite of nice is being real.” - Dr. Aziz
That one hit me. My mistake is I haven’t been real with people out of fear.
“Being nice does not come out of goodness or high morals. It comes out of fear of displeasing others and receiving their disapproval.”
I’m pretty fucking terrified apparently. I’m ready to get free of my fear. i’M READY to be real, authentic, unashamed, the most powerful version of myself, be able to brush of negative comments of others, regain my freedom to express myself and to stop worrying about how others will react.
I’m ready to reclaim who I really am, even if I have fear thinking about how others will respond and worry even now that I will never overcome my guilt, fear, anxiety when it comes to people.
Why have I prioritized so long being nice? It’s all about being liked by others and making everything smooth- no friction; anticipate, observe, analyze others’ needs and wants, giving them everything they want while believing that if I don’t create any discomfort then they will like me, love me, think well of me.
This belief of niceness isn’t even like Jesus. He wasn’t “nice”. He flipped tables. He expressed anger. He called people out. He didn’t hide or shrink himself.
Yes, He was crucified for it, but at least he stayed true to who He was, what He believed, and was still kind, caring, attentive, generous, loving, did things for others, stretched Himself to give even when it was hard, and was the kind of leader, Savior, Rabbai, etc that He wanted to be- one that honored His Father in heaven. He didn’t walk in fear or self doubt, and He certainly didn’t live to please others or tiptoe around their feelings and opinions. He didn’t live in fear of what they would think.
Neither. should. I.
I want to be fierce, determined, courageous, and full contact with life and other humans. This fear has inhibited my relationships so badly. It’s kept me from being vulnerable, honest, and from sharing myself on a deep level. I’m scared to be vulnerable and I’ve blamed the people who’ve hurt and betrayed me for destroying my trust, but the true thing I let my decision to trust them create self-doubt. I started doubting my ability to choose who I can trust because of how I believed people were my friends or whatever only to later discover they only cared about themselves and it hurt because I truly loved them and gave so much to care for them.
Pray for me that God heals this area in me and gives me freedom from all of this. I suffer in my friendships because I hae hidden behind a polite wall of fear. I’m afraid my past experiences will become my every experience and I do everything I can to avoid it but keep running into people like this, and that’s no on me I attract them- maybe they sense that I’m nice and they can use me because of it. Idk. But I’m done. I’m ready to change.
The thing is, in relationships it’s healthy to be upset, angry, irritated, hurt, even experience discomfort or not being happy or disagreeing with the other person. So why do I try to avoid people reacting that way? When my own husband and I, who are the best of friends, have been open and honest when we feel all these things and are never afraid to be vulnerable and truthful when we are? Because we both have a good sense of who each of us is and know that person is committed to understand and loving us.
Not everyone is.
And guess what? That’s not on ME or YOU if someone does not want to understand or love you. That is their inability, their choice, their decision. And not everyone has to. So respect it and move on, because there will be people who want to understand and love you and allow you to be honest and truthful and embrace you.
#fear#shame#relationships#Jesus#anxiety#social anxiety#self doubt#hurt#resentment#authenticity#be true
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chaos reverting to harmony
This story starts in grey. This story starts in one of those long winters that seem to never break into spring.
When i decided to learn about Islam i was barely aware of myself. I only knew that I was searching. I was searching in stars, in chaos, into the fire, in the mirror. I was trying to complete the Puzzle but nothing seemed to fit. I was feeling that with every step I take forward another part of me is lost in the darkness.
This is what my family was forced to watch: my darkness, my victories that were only bringing me ever closer to madness, my falls, my insecurities, my self damnation.
My father died when I was five years old. The rest of my life i idealized his image. I love him, even though, through time, he became another lost piece of the Puzzle that I was searching for desperately.
My mother has been in a few relationships afterwards and one day she found someone. Later on, this man moved in with us. I wanted things to work so she would be happy, but I don.t think that I ever accepted his presence in our life completely.
When I started learning about Islam I wanted to share some things that I was reading about with mother. That meant that her partner was aware of these things as well. The relationship between me and him was very tensed already. My interest in Islam gave us farther motive to come to arguments.
We were fighting often times on religious subjects, to the point where we would both stand up from the table, crush whatever we had in front of us and yell at each other. Every mistake I was making had its roots in the things I was reading about Islam, in their eyes. Mother was not taking sides. I could see that these conflicts were breaking her. I knew that her relationship with God was very important for her and her partners views on the subject were leaving her with a cold feeling. I also knew that she saw my interest in Islam as betrayal.
In the beginning, interaction between us was really difficult. We were mostly avoiding the topic and trying to not fire up a conflict yet again. Still, the provoking and teasing went on for months.
The mistake was mine and it took me a long time to see and accept it. I was feeding the negative emotions through the way I was seeing life, the way I was acting and the way I was reacting. I only realized this after researching deeper in the faith, reading the Quran and The Life of the Prophet (pbuh). Then I understood that my attitude was poisoning my family, bringing all this negativity inside our home. My loss of patience and empathy was the one harming us all. I failed to see that they were worried, that they wanted to protect me, that they did not know anything about Islam. Islam was only bringing them fear and confusion through the things they were learning about in the media. I failed to understand that. I was too focused on rage and proving I was right...and trying to protect what I was starting to love.
When I have opened my eyes, it terrified me. This girl that was always acting entitled, showing complete disrespect to everyone, hurting the people that loved her the most...she was on the ground.
I remember looking at myself in the mirror for a long time before punching my own reflection and asking myself:* who do you worship?*
I was broken for some time. But that is always a good place to start all over again. I wanted to change. I wanted to make it easy. I wanted to understand.
Afterwards every time i had the chance to spend time with my family i tried to listen more. My focus was which are the things that are common between my beliefs and theirs and which are the things that make them feel uncomfortable about Islam. My mother could relate easily with most of the teachings of Islam. The problems she was having were particularly hijab and the role of women in muslim families. Once we identified these fears we tried speaking openly about them and solving what was bothering her. I can say that after these talks she opened up a lot more towards Islam alhamdulillah. After some time we were able to talk about fasting, the Prophets and sufism. I seriously loved those talks alhamdulillah.
The relationship between her partner and I became more peaceful as well. We still had a few fights but we tried to use the energy and change it into something positive. It took quite some time but alhamdulillah we were able to step over the differences in beliefs.
I figured that another thing that was bothering them was me not being involved in activities with them such as eating or drinking some food, watching certain movies, traveling long distances( because it was making it difficult for me to find places to pray), going to the beach, going out after maghrib etc. The solution was to get involved in other activities or find a halal version of the things they wanted. So often times i would cook dinner, plan surprise parties at home, have movie and game nights at home, go training together in the mountains nearby and so on.
Slowly, i was learning through them to have patience and to not answer on impulse (which i would often times do). I was learning when it is good to stand for what i believe and when silence was the wiser option. I was learning to give up my ego and find compromise.
I was discovering this Light that I have been seeking for such a long time. And my heart slowly found peace. Many things changed within me. I have found myself not being drawn to the same things and not hoping for the same things. I did not want to satisfy myself anymore. There was no satisfaction in this freedom of mine. I wanted to please Allah and while i was taking my first steps towards Him, I could finally feel true freedom. Suddenly everything around gained a new meaning and all the grey that covered my eyes until then was overpowered by colors. Yes, these colors were dancing in front of my eyes, all signs directing to Him. Suddenly all these things that obsessed me and enslaved me during the years vanished and all that I could see was You. You are the melody that brings colors in my life. You are the dreams I hope for. You are what I.ve been searching for in all those broken mirrors. You. And that is enough. And whenever something brings me down i am reminded to take myself away, close all the lights and reach to You.
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
SU/Lovecraft(a not so reagal meeting)
N/A: I really love the concept of Pheonix and Lovecraft Kurt being frenemies but let´s increase the situation by making Lovecraft Kurt from the higher member of the Outer God court (the big boss) and Pheonix is the lower member.
Music that inspire This chapter
@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling
If the humans can come up for a location to the Greek Gods, the Mount Olympus, sure they can think of a place where the Outer Gods live, except they don´t. The concept of home to an entity that exists as long the universe gives the proverbial first step is hard to conceive and even so their "homes" can often change in a blink of an eye.
Nyarlathotep is often taken by the changes as his own name morphed from the universe to universe, to people to people, yet, the fear remains, the power remains. There was an old time where this power was enough, now, it hardly matters(or now it is the only thing that truly matters to him)
In his indigo fur humanoid form, the entity merely observes the space where the chaos resides, the servants are doing their chores the best they can(how can one ignore the looming eye of chaos itself?) until their master asked them to leave. He wishes to be alone with his thoughts.
His humanoid hand goes to the pink bubble, the only thing that never suffered any change, it is not from his own design as pink does not go well with his aesthetic, but, is a gift the crawling god of chaos can´t ever get rid of.
Putting a hand on the surface the entity ponders in destroying the gift, rip to shreds, it wouldn´t take a second to do so, yet, his hands remained unmoved.
("this, my dear Nyar, is a present for you" "about my conquest in the red sands?" "no, well, sort of, but because I want to give you a present, the humans do give present to the person they love")
HIs eyes are closed as now tears only make itself known once fat drops of tears drop on the floor and the name was spoken with reverence. Zaorva.
"Glad to know that not everything changes, the primordial matters still remains," the voice is familiar even if the body changes. Pheonix in her bird flame form greets the crawling god of chaos in a mockery of a bow. "Still pining over her? how long has been since she dies? a few centuries, right?"
A tentacle flies to her beak and breaks it causing a loud sound echoes in the place. A new beak is crafted from her flames(but the pain still lingers)
"Is good to know that your stupidity never changes, the primordial things never change"
"Haha, your sense of humour still remains," Pheonix said and didn´t seem to mind the throne in the centre of the place, the symbolic image of his power and dominance.
"Why are you here? You have a host now, go destroy the earth, it would make me very happy" the crawling god respond and Pheonix only replied that that´s the reason why she can´t destroy the earth.
"But I came here to seek Zaorva" the word was spoken with a myriad of feelings. Disgust, envy, respect, sadness and joy. The crawling God has no qualms in breaking and cause more pain to the flame bird(and old dance of them) until he finally replied.
"If you wish to die again, all you have to do is speak, Cthylla knows very well how much I want to get rid of her, despair and destruction know what I can do, so, Pheonix you are nothing to me, if you wish to die, I´ll be happy to give you this ride"
"Charming as always, Nyarty, "Pheonix laughs off(it irks him how this nickname can be used by someone else aside his Zaorva, it saddens him that she won´t call him anything ever again) like a threat against her life it wasn´t a big deal, it used not be a big deal, now death is the main topic, no one can talk about anything as the change means Zaorva´s death and they aren´t immune to death as they thought so.
"But, do you really want to get rid of the earth? she always liked that planet"
"It will give me the immeasurable pleasure to see that planet gone, and if won´t help me, I will destroy with my own hands"
"Yes, but...what if Zaorva is there?" Pheonix laughs manically at the anger in his face and the crawling God take the form of the true entity covering the space with his mere presence, only the light of the Pheonix shines now.
"I meet that woman, Kitty Pryde, and she has Zaorva´s shield, and think about, no one, not even the girl the old Belasco tried to recruit can summon such weapon, now, this petite woman can summon and use the shield as it is hers"
"She is just a herald of Zaorva, stupid bird"
"I suppose that is correct, it is logic and rich coming from you, but, not even her most favourite herald, Venus, can summon the shield, why this woman can?" Pheonix takes a small victory as the crawling god is confused as the Firebird continues. "I fight her, and true, maybe you are right, my host was a mess and I admit this could have contributed to her victory as I did committed mistakes in the past, but, crawling god of chaos, think about it, only one person can use the Zaorva´s shield, why this small herald can?"
"Maybe she is a herald, but what if she isn´t it?"
"What if I break your existence and spread among the universe again?" the anger and bitterness in his words to prove a point to Pheonix. Doubt, not even him could use the shield, why this human can?
"Oh no, thank you, I´m still adjusting to this host, but, think about it, and later you can do whatever you want" the firebird flies away and the crawling god of chaos has many things to ponder now.
___________________________________-
Meanwhile, on earth, the X-men are taking care of their injuries and getting information on what happened.
"So, sugah, Jean got infected by Pheonix, fight you and flies off?" Rogue asked using a borrow ability to heal to take care some of Scott´s injuries.
"Yes, it was my shield, I was lucky" Kitty speaks as she did tell Ororo the situation, the older woman is not happy with Jean for a long time, but is not sure if she is relieved or sad with Jean Grey gone.
The victory is cut short when Kitty reveals some macabre things, the X-men need to be prepared.
"Spit out, Kitty, you have that look that means, more bad news, ok, tell us, we are X-men, we are used," Scott said as Rogue kissed his check("well, Scott Summer has a sense of humour" "it was bound to happen")
"Remember the Kurt guy fellow, the alien that wears masks? it turns out he is a bigger threat to us and I think, and I can´t believe I´ll say this, but we need the Avengers help" many react negatively to the news until a new voice joins the conversation.
"Katya is right, Nyarlathotep, the crawling god of chaos plans to destroy the earth and we can´t face him alone" Yana shows up and Kitty won´t mention that she did shiver when using his name. "I dislike that as much as you do Scott, but, we can´t face him alone" Yana then asks Kitty for her help, she knows how to deal with people(Yana´s words) and now they need all the help.
#su/lovecraft au#ultimate version#pheonix makes mistakes#lovecraft kurt is being a bit logical here#kurt wagner#nightcrawler#kurtty yet#kitty pryde#kitty has a nice shield#no one ever question how
3 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Attention!!
☆This is merely my interpretation, so some points may seem OOC/inaccurate to you. You may give me suggestions and such, but please please do not bash on my headcanons. Headcanons are meant to be made for fun so please do not force me to make everything100% accurate, because I myself do not have the capability to think in another character’s shoes.
☆This takes place in an alternate universe, where there’s no killing game. (Specific universe still undecided, but possibly Omegaverse AU?)
Kokichi and Shuuichi are married and are fathers of these children: Ouma Kohaya, Ouma Seiji, Ouma Rokurou, Saihara Houshin, Ouma Katsumi.
☆Ages may be changed depending on changes in the universe.
☆Some of the headcanons described may contain spoilers for the game, so please proceed with caution.
Anima is back with some adult SaiOuma headcanons and designs! I’m planning to use this for my SaiOuma family, so I might have made some references of the kids here and there. But I personally think that these headcanons can still be used even without any knowledge of the lovechildrens.
If you’re interested in reading my ideas and headcanons, please proceed under the cut!
Ouma Kokichi(38 years old)
☆Unlike in the Killing Game Timeline/Main Universe, Kokichi has learnt how to be more trusting and has opened up a bit more about his own feelings towards people. He still maintains his childish streak, but more toned down.
★Kokichi did grew a few centimeters, so now he is 160cm. Despite that, all his children are still relatively taller than him. This makes him feel “inferior”, and will throw a “tantrum” (jokingly) when anyone points out that he’s shorter than his own children. Some people even go as far as mistaking him as the family’s youngest sibling.
☆Kokichi doesn’t’t have an official job, and he spends most of his time staying at home and hanging out with DICE. Of course, this doesn’t mean that he does literally nothing every day.
Kokichi helps the police force behind the scenes, mainly working alongside Shuuichi by helping him solve his cases through providing indirect “hints” whenever Shuuichi gets stuck to the point he has to pull all-nighters; he also makes coffee for Shuuichi.
Naturally, this means that he first would need to gather information about the cases Shuuichi is investigating on. These are usually never collected using “normal” ways, as Kokichi would often try to get himself into trouble with the police before using psychology to fish out the information he wants to get.
★Kokichi, left with the responsibility to take care of the children due to Shuuichi being the main provider of the household, spends most of his time playing with the kids. Being a prankster, while still being a child at heart, Kokichi is an expert when it comes to entertaining his children. He uses his expertise in white lies to tell his children his fantasies, often being phantom-thief related. (Kokichi’s tales are always different and interesting, so his children will never get bored at his stories.)
The downside of this is that, his constant joking towards his kids have led them to be unable to take Kokichi seriously most of the time.
However, when his children are crying, he does not know how to properly comfort them, as he is not used to expressing himself openly (He knows “what to say”, but he doesn’t like to hurt people and would rather sugarcoat his words with white lies). Of course, he knows what is going on with his children’s lives as he is good at reading people’s moves.
☆Kokichi often takes his children to play with DICE in their headquarters. This has resulted in his children to love pranks and jokes to some extent. He is also the one who started the routine of having tea breaks in the family, and the one who introduced the kids to video games.
★Kokichi sometimes likes to call Shuuichi “Shumai”, however he only uses that nickname to rile the latter up. If Shuuichi somehow reacts differently than he had expected, he’d make a run for it: something he has never been able to get over with since he started dating Shuuichi.
Whenever Shuuichi gets mad though, Kokichi may sometimes unconsciously call the former with his last name “Saihara” due to how shaken up he feels (although he hides it and instead just stares blankly).
☆Kokichi can’t cook, nor do chores right. However, he does have the ability to do basic cleaning at home, although he ends up slacking off in the end because of how “repetitive” and “boring” it is and instead play games – this have led to Shuuichi doing most of the chores for Kokichi even after working.
Shuuichi often scolds Kokichi for this, but since the former rarely snaps at someone, Kokichi continues to slack off as much as possible to this day. (Don’t scold him please; he’s trying his best to fix this habit of his)
★DICE is now a bigger “secret organization”, as all of the SaiOuma children are technically members of DICE; it is also now a “place” where orphans can come and hang out with the members vice versa (kind of like a daycare centre but it’s not). The “seniors” of the group, also known as Ouma and the other 10 members, have their adult versions of their outifits. Ouma is still the leader of the organization, but is planning to pass down his “crown” to one of his sons.
☆Kokichi has the tendency to use his last name for his children because he feels like “his” children should carry “the fabulous supreme leader”’s name.
Because of this, Kokichi and Shuuichi often get into non-serious-but-yet-serious arguments about their children’s surnames
Saihara Shuuichi (38 years old)
☆Shuuichi is 179 cm as an adult, and now working as a detective for the police force. Like in the Killing Game Timeline/Main Universe, Shuuichi still has the tendency to hesitate when it comes to revealing the truth. However, he now has much more confidence, maturity and pride as a detective, making him a bit more like Kirigiri Kyouko. (of course, he’s still growing) He now also have a better understanding on the concept of lies: a thing that he has developed through him trying to get to know Kokichi better when he was in high school.
Of course, this doesn’t change the fact that he is able to empathize with the culprit, and is able to deliver the truth gently to the world due to him knowing how painful the truth can be.
★Shuuichi tends to pull all-nighters solving cases, despite being a heavy sleeper. This has caused him to be in a bad mood when someone wakes him up early in the morning. Along with his “angry” mode, his bad mood is something that his children and Kokichi fears: this is only strengthened by the fact that Shuuichi is usually forgiving and patient towards his children.
☆Shuuichi, despite growing up without his parents’ affection, is one of the best fathers one could ask for. Being a “safe dad”, he gets overprotective towards his children, and would prevent his children from being exposed to “dangerous” and “negative” things. He always makes sure that all his kids are doing well, and often pamper them since he wanted them to receive enough “love” which he did not get to experience as a kid – this trait has rubbed off to the eldest child of the family, Ouma Kohaya.
Although he can be quite restrictive, Shuuichi is a very supportive dad and does not push their children to do things that he thinks would be the best for them.
★Shuuichi is probably the dad who most of his children would turn to for advice. Being someone that has suffered anxiety and depression throughout his life, he is able to relate to most of his children’s’ life problems and offer some insight. In instances where he isn’t able to offer advice, he’d do his best to comfort his children.
When it comes to having fun though, they would go to Kokichi.
☆Shuuichi can’t cook, however due to the fact that someone has to cook for the family, he has learnt to cook really simple dishes. Otherwise, his family usually goes out to eat. (Some of the DICE members gives the family some of their cooking once in a while)
Being the one who does most of the chores in the house even after working until late at night, Shuuichi isn’t able to really interact with his children most of the time. When he does have time, he’d do his best to spend his time with his kids.
★Despite being an adult, Shuuichi still retains the same amount of love for novels, especially ones with mystery as their genre. Up to this day, novels take up most of his daily spendings.
He has a room just to store his collection of books(making it like a mini library in the house) and has tried to get all of his children to like reading. This is the only time where Shuuichi will sound overly enthusiastic/obsessed(Pre-game Saihara level kind of obsessed) when talking with his children.
Some of his books have spoilers of the culprit in the first page. Those books in question were “victims” to Kokichi’s pranks, and thus the said page may be taped onto the cover, etc.
#Anima Draws#Anima Designs#Anima's Headcanons#Headcanons#OumaSai#Saihara Shuuichi#DICE#Shuichi Saihara#Kokichi Ouma#SaiOuma#Danganronpa V3#Dangan Ronpa#DRV3#NDRV3#NDRV3 Spoilers#SaiOuma family#Alternate Universe#AU#最王#王最#最原終一#王馬小吉#ニューダンガンロンパV3#ダンガンロンパ#Ouma Kohaya#My Headcanons#Interpretations#Reference Sheet#Designs#Digital Art
336 notes
·
View notes
Text
My Life
Autobiographical Survey
1) Beginnings
I was born in 1996, in Canossa Hospital in Hong Kong, and lived in HK for nine years. A little Taiwanese boy born in Hong Kong. My parents left Taiwan because my father got a job in Hong Kong and they moved, and so I was the first person in the family that was not born in Taiwan. It was hard for me to be in close contact with my culture and family, there was always a separation between where I lived and where I am actually from. My parents often quarreled over parenting methods, my father more traditional, my mother more, what’s the word? Modern? Progressive? I won’t lie, I was fucking scared of my father as a kid. He was never afraid of disciplining me, putting me into place. But, he was also working hard, earning money for us, providing me with a childhood and life he did not have. He grew up on a farm, with three brothers and sisters. He had to fight for everything he wanted. He took that attitude and passed it onto me. I am forever grateful for everything he has done for me and my family. I am less scared of him now, but I am still prone to the occasional yelling whenever I excessively play video games when I am back home during my holidays. I was never too close to him, but there was a period of two years when he stopped working because he had a liver inflammation, and I was about to go to college. Suddenly he had more time to spend and I took that opportunity to get to know him better, i.e. feel more comfortable when I am alone with him. Now we have a pretty great relationship. My mother is a different story. You know the kind of parent you do not want to be seen with around your friends in middle school because they might embarrass you? Yeah that’s her. Don’t get me wrong, she’s great. Always supportive and there for me. But I always have to walk on egg shells around her, worried I might say the wrong thing and then she’ll flip on me. Every time we argue she always finds some way to manipulate me into thinking I am the one in the wrong and that I have to apologise and everything is my fault. She does not realise this and it took me all of my courage to bring that up to her a couple of months ago. I know I’m writing a bunch of negative aspects about my parents but I don’t want to write a full paragraph of how my parents were always so supportive of me and were the best parents I could ask for and all that jazz.
2) Health
I never really had any health problems, but I have had a terrible history of injuries (perks of being a sporty guy). I have broken my left arm, broken and dislocated (yes, at the same time) my left ankle, torn my left ankle ligaments three times, torn my right ankle ligaments twice, torn my left knee ligaments, torn ligaments in both of my wrists, had three concussions, one of them ended up leaving me blacked out in the middle of the pitch, drooling. Those were just the bad ones, it does not cover twisted ankles or pulled muscles. I remember crying when I broke and dislocated my ankle. I was crying for a number of reasons. I would not be able to play sports again for months, this was in high school and I was considered the sporty dude, more on that later. I would be in a cast unable to walk, my life would be really difficult for the next couple of months, and it also really hurt at the time. What I learnt from all these injuries is that I need to be patient. I need to wait for my injuries to fully heal before I play sports again. It is frustrating but I learnt that I need to prioritise my health before sports. The waiting is the worst part, but it is also the most necessary.
4) Relations
I’m not sure how special this is, but I have always felt like I’m different from the rest of my family. It does not help when the rest of my family say things like, “Do you know how to read Chinese?” “I thought you forgot all of your Chinese.” Sometimes they’re actually genuinely concerned. I understand why they would say things like that, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me. Sometimes I can’t help feeling like a foreigner in my own family.
5) School
One of my professors during my undergrad was the first person to ever tell me I was talented, to my face. She pulled me into her office before class and asked me what was going on with me, because the films I have been producing had been declining in quality. She then restored my faith by telling me that I am talented, that I am capable of producing good films. That gave me the energy boost and motivation I need for my creativity to really flow onto the screen. Moreover, someone who has a lot of experience in the field was confident in me and my ability, which meant a lot as well.
I remember the last rugby tournament of my high school career. Our whole team was injured, we had a semi final to play, and if we win that, we go to the final. I was dealing with a back problem, and was feeling very pessimistic about myself and how I would perform that day. I knew I was crucial to the team tactics but for some reason, I did not feel like playing that day, my back hurt, and I felt like I was going to let my team down, having make mistakes the previous day. It got worse when I was placed with the responsibility of kick offs and conversions, which led to added pressure, and more opportunities to mess up. This was THE tournament, a tournament I wanted to win as it was going to be my last games for the school. But during the warm up, I could not concentrate, I could not shake off my back problem. Then the coaches called me over, they said, “you’re starting today, I believe in you, run around the outside so that they would be chasing you, no one can catch up to you, we have faith in you.” We ended up winning the tournament, we won the semifinal 46-0, and the final 31-0. I scored twice. I never missed a tackle, and was confident in my sprint speed, knowing I can outrun anybody. All I needed was someone to believe in me, to tell me I was good enough. That is as big a morale boost as I needed.
6) Special Activities
I have had terrible coaches before though. My high school coach was one of them. I lost all respect for him after playing under him for only about three months. I got injured during our second game of the season, and went through treatment, and when I was fit again, this happened. First of all, before the game, none of us believed in his tactics. He tried something new this year, and everyone was complaining about it. We were losing games we should not have lost, and morale was quite low. He decided to stick with the original tactics, even after losing 6-1 the previous game, much to our frustration. We were losing 2-1, to a team worse than us, I might add. Coach told me to warm up, I was ecstatic about playing since I believed I could change the game. I went and warmed up, and then he called for a substitution. I was ready to go on to play. Then he calls someone else, who he did not tell to go warm up, to go and play. I was pissed. That was the moment I lost any kind of respect for him. Why the fuck would he want me to go warm up and then not play me? In hindsight, I should have cared more about the team than myself, but during that moment I was so angry. I just kept warming up, and he threw me on when we were losing 3-1. I only played for about 10 minutes. Then, he left me out of the team for a tournament. He told me he forgot about me because I was injured at the time.
7) Journeys
Driving from Boston to Los Angeles with my girlfriend. I realized that the U.S. is where I belong. I felt really comfortable when I was living in New York City, but I was a little scared going through the Midwest, as I didn’t know how people would react to non-white people. We stayed in small towns in states like South Dakota, Montana, Utah, and I was always a little frightened about people being racist or just mean to me for no reason. But people were so accommodating there, so welcoming, it really warmed my heart. I think it was all in my head just because I see a lot of racist abuse shown towards Asians in my social media feed. People asked about Taiwan, and what it’s like there, it was really great just to have a nice conversation with locals, and also have them share with me what their lives are like. That trip made me feel like I belong here, in the United States. No matter how diverse people are, everyone is able to share their own culture, and share their reasons for their presence in this country. That’s what I find most beautiful about the U.S. Diversity is America’s superpower.
8) Adolescence
From Year 6 to Year 11 (5th to 10th grade), the only way for me to earn the respect of others was through sports. I wasn’t popular, I wasn’t cool, I was nervous whenever I talked to girls, I was just good at sports. The only time people looked up to me and feared me was when we played football. I was the captain of the high school team in Year 10 (9th grade). I wasn’t bullied or anything but I was always a little scared of the popular dudes. They would tease people and mess with them and laugh at them in front of people. Not severe bullying, but still bullying and definitely unpleasant to be on the receiving end of it. Those popular guys would always need to feel like they are above everyone else, it certainly helped their case since most of them were like 6’3, the only way to bring them back down to earth was to be better than them at football. I kept my head down and played my football, and it earned their respect. Nobody objected when I was chosen as the captain.
9) Major Conflicts
The biggest conflict I can think of was when I had to chose between football or college. I ultimately quit the team to focus on my education. I’m not the kind of person that can focus on multiple things at once, so I decided to quit playing competitive college football.
10) People you have loved
I’ve learnt to suppress my anger, and not take it out on people. I‘ve learnt to communicate in a calm fashion, and not let my emotions get the better of me. It took a lot of practice, and support from my loved ones. Sometimes I just need to calm down, take a step back, and rethink. I often made rash decisions when I am hot-headed, and my loved ones would just calm me down when I am frustrated so that I could just assess the situation and go from there. I owe a lot to them, I feel like they have made me a better person.
11) People you have hated
This isn’t necessarily about people I’ve hated, it’s more like, cutting the people I don’t want to be associated with out of my life. I’ve noticed the type of people I don’t want in my life are people that are self-centered, who are not supportive, who criticize you all the time, and ask you to do things for them but won’t return the favour. These are people who were originally my friends, but I started to notice these traits about them, and began to distance myself from them. At first, it felt like I was betraying my friendship with them, but then I just realized I didn’t want them to be my friends, so I had a ‘fuck you’ attitude and just decided to stop talking to them.
14) Arts
As a kid, up to when I was about 12 or 13, everything that mattered in my life was football, and video games. Then I watched Step Up 2, my mum showed it to me, she thought the scene when Adam G Sevani danced up the stairs was super cool. And it was. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen that movie. That was my gateway into the arts. I wanted to start dancing, hip hop, breakdance, popping, all that cool stuff. I would watch YouTube videos of tutorials and teach myself how to dance. This was the first time I wanted to engage in an art form. I saw people doing flips and headspins, and I was like, “I wanna do that.” I used to want to do it because it looked awesome and I wanted the admiration from all of my friends, back when I was in high school and was fishing for any sort of attention I could get. Now I dance because I feel free when I do it. There are always rules in football, and rugby, and other sports, but there are no rules in dance. I could do whatever I wanted, I could move in any way shape or form I wanted. I now see dance as a form of expression, as a form of communication that words cannot describe. I took dance classes in college, and they referred to us as “movers”. Moving was about exploring your own body and using your body as a means of communication and expression.
15) Beliefs
I have a lot of these, so get ready.
My father always told me, if I want something, go and get it myself.
I usually like to look at things with an optimistic view. I prefer seeing the glass half full. I didn’t really want to write those cheesy quotes just because I don’t think they’re Gouda (I’ll get going now).
“Don’t practice until you get it right, practice until you can’t get it wrong.” – Andrea Pirlo
“I fear not man who has practiced 10,00 kicks one time, but the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.” – Bruce Lee?
“Think twice, speak once.” – My high school art teacher
“The biggest risk you can take in life, is not taking any risks.” – Oprah Winfrey (I’m paraphrasing this one)
“If you say that you can’t do something, you’ve already given up.” – Po Han Su
“You are never too old to learn.” – Lots of websites
“There is always something to learn from every mistake.”
“How do you improve? Spend a lot of time doing it, but it’s also how you spend your time.” – Some guy that plays Fortnite
“You regret the things you didn’t do”.
“Knowing is not enough, you have to apply.” – Bboy Bruce Lee
Reacting to hatred or abuse with more hatred is the worst thing you can do.
17) Life’s lessons
My friends used to say that I was really aggressive, that I was mean, even though I joke around a lot. I always played it off and said it was just a joke, but I realized that’s not the best way to maintain a friendship, particularly the ones that I want to maintain. So I decided to ditch that toxic side of me and I wanted to nurture that part of me which treats people nicely and not make fun of them and give them backhanded compliments. Treat people how you want to be treated. I should have put that quote in the previous section.
My idea for Project #1 Vision
When I dance, when I play football, when I play video games, when I do activities that I love, I find myself fully engrossed and immersed into it that I can’t think about anything else, but what I am doing at that moment, and it takes a lot for me to snap out of it. I want to make people feel what I feel when I am fully immersed and concentrated through my images.
I blank out a lot. I have lapses in concentration. That, I think is one of my biggest weaknesses. The inability to concentrate for a long time. I just start thinking about random things. When I explain this to people, they think I’m crazy. I want people to go through what I go through when I space out.
Presenting Your Influences
1) Four Characters
Alan Turing in ‘The Imitation Game’
He was a character that really resonated with me. He found what he was good at, and made a career out of it. Despite being bullied in school, he turned into one of the most successful people in the history of Britain. There were two quotes that he said, which he fully embodied in the film. “Do you know why people like violence? It’s because it feels good. Humans find violence deeply satisfying, but remove the satisfaction, the action becomes…hollow.” “Sometimes it’s the people who no one imagines anything of, who do the things that no one can imagine.” I felt that it was a very uplifting and inspiring story, complemented with an intelligent, gripping character. I watched that film, and I thought, ‘I want to be someone like him.’ Someone so influential, someone capable of change, someone who succeeded against all odds.
2) Four Figures
Sir Alex Ferguson
His never-say-die attitude. His risk-taking approach. His ability to get the best out of mediocre players. People were afraid of him. His own players were afraid of him. They were afraid of him because if they didn’t play their best, he would give them what’s called the ‘hairdryer treatment’. He always expected the best, he had incredibly high standards. That’s what makes him so successful. His methods have developed world-class players. He would buy players and turn them from relative obscurity to world beaters. If he saw talent in you, he would nurture it and turn you into the best player you can be. Often times, tactics would go out the window and a game would be won based on who wanted it more. He was so optimistic, but also pushed his players. This is the type of attitude I love to watch unfold on a football pitch.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic
He flirts with the line between arrogance and confidence. He regularly comes off as arrogant in his interviews, saying and doing things that make him look like a so-called ‘dick’. However, when you watch him play, you can see why he calls himself a ‘lion’, or ‘God’. He oozes confidence when he has the ball and it all comes from his self-confidence. When he scores a crazy goal, when he performs a crazy trick, it boils down to confidence. He knows how good he is and is not afraid to show everybody that. People call it arrogance, I call it confidence.
Jamie Vardy
A real rags-to-riches story. Eight years ago, he was working in a carbon fibre factory, playing in the eighth tier of English football, earning a measly 30 pounds a week. Now he’s a Premier League winner, a Guinness World Record holder, played in a World Cup semi-final, and the Champions League quarter-final. His play style emulates his success. Hard work, dedication, and not letting anything go until it’s lost. He would chase down a loose ball like his life depended on it. He would not stop running and closing down defenders. His movement is pin-point, and his finishing is powerful. He’s the type of player every manager would love to have on his team. A hard worker, but someone who plays intelligently and has obvious natural talent.
Nemanja Vidic
There are no more players like him anymore in football. A classic hardman. A real ‘no fucks given’ player. A tough tackler and an inspirational leader. He lead by example on the pitch. Nobody wanted to get near him, he was that scary. His presence on the pitch was enough to strike fear into the eyes of his opponents. I used to love watching him play. When I was a kid I would always laugh when he hacked someone down with his feet. Now I realise he does this to mess with his opponents mentally. He wanted to show them that he was the man to be feared. He was a warrior. He played like he would give his life for this football club. This is the type of commitment I love seeing, willingness to fight for the right to wear the shirt. He was the bravest man I have ever seen. If he was bleeding from his head, he would carry on playing. He was the first person I would look for on the team sheet when the starting lineups for a game was announced. Was upset when he left because I knew we would never have a player like him again.
0 notes
Text
Why You Have the Fear of Failure (And How to Conquer It Step-By-Step)
Nobody enjoys failing. Fear of failure can be so strong that avoiding failure eclipses the motivation to succeed. Insecurity about doing things incorrectly causes many people to unconsciously sabotage their chances for success.
Fear is part of human nature. As an entrepreneur, I faced this same fear. At times, I forgot that who I was wasn’t what I did. My ego and identity became intertwined with my work, and when things didn’t go as planned, I completely shut down. I overcame this unhealthy relationship with fear, and I believe that you can too.
Together we’ll examine how you can use failure to your advantage instead of letting it run your life. We’ll look at what a fear of failure is, where it comes from, and how to overcome it so that you can enjoy success in your work and life.
What is fear of failure
Fear causes you to avoid potentially harmful situations. Fear of failure keeps you from trying, creates self-doubt, stalls progress, and may lead you to go against your morals.
What causes fear of failure? Here are the main reasons why fear of failure exists:
Patterns from childhood – Hyper-critical adults cause children to internalize damaging mindsets.[1] They establish ultimatums and fear-based rules.This causes children to feel the constant need to ask for permission and reassurance. They carry this need for validation into adulthood.
Perfectionism – Perfectionism is often at the root of fear of failure.[2] For perfectionists, failure is so terrible and humiliating that they don’t try. Stepping outside your comfort zone becomes terrifying.
Over-personalization – The ego may lead us to over-identify with failures. It’s hard to look beyond failure at things like the quality of the effort, extenuating circumstances, or growth opportunities.[3]
False self-confidence – People with true confidence know they won’t always succeed. A person with fragile self-confidence avoids risks. They’d rather play it safe than try something new.[4]
How the fear of failure destroys success
Unhealthy organization culture
Too many organizations today have cultures of perfection: a set of organizational beliefs that any failure is unacceptable. Only pure, untainted success will do.
Imagine the stress and terror in an organization like that. The constant covering up of the smallest blemishes. The wild finger-pointing as everyone tries to shift the blame for the inevitable cock-ups and messes onto someone else. The rapid turnover as people rise high, then fall abruptly from grace. The lying, cheating, falsification of data, and hiding of problems—until they become crises that defy being hidden any longer.
Miss out valuable opportunities
If some people fail to reach a complete answer because of the lure of some early success, many more fail because of their ego-driven commitment to what worked in the past. You often see this with senior people, especially those who made their names by introducing some critical change years ago. They shy away from further innovation, afraid that this time they might fail, diminishing the luster they try to keep around their names from past triumph.
Besides, they reason, the success of something new might even prove that those achievements they made in the past weren’t so great after all. Why take the risk when you can hang on to your reputation by doing nothing?
Such people are so deeply invested in their egos and the glories of their past that they prefer to set aside opportunities for future glory rather than risk even the possibility of failure.
High achievers become losers
Every talent contains an opposite that sometimes makes it into a handicap. Successful people like to win and achieve high standards. This can make them so terrified of failure it ruins their lives. When a positive trait, like achievement, becomes too strong in someone’s life, it’s on the way to becoming a major handicap.
Achievement is a powerful value for many successful people. They’ve built their lives on it. They achieve at everything they do: school, college, sports, the arts, hobbies, work. Each fresh achievement adds to the power of the value in their lives.
Gradually, failure becomes unthinkable. Maybe they’ve never failed yet in anything that they’ve done, so have no experience of rising above it. Failure becomes the supreme nightmare: a frightful horror they must avoid at any cost.
The simplest way to do this is never to take a risk, stick rigidly to what you know you can do, protect your butt, work the longest hours, double and triple check everything and be the most conscientious and conservative person in the universe.
If constant hard work, diligence, brutal working schedules and harrying subordinates won’t ward off the possibility of failing, use every other possible means to to keep it away. Falsify numbers, hide anything negative, conceal errors, avoid customer feedback, constantly shift the blame for errors onto anyone too weak to fight back.
The problems with ethical standards in major US corporations has, I believe, more to do with fear of failure among long-term high achievers than any criminal intent. Many of those guys at Enron and Arthur Andersen were supreme high-fliers, basking in the flattery of the media. Failure was an impossible prospect, worth doing just about anything to avoid.
Loss of creativity
Over-achievers destroy their own peace of mind and the lives of those who work for them. People too attached to “goodness” and morality become self-righteous bigots. Those whose values for building close relationships become unbalanced slide into smothering their friends and family with constant expressions of affection and demands for love in return.
Everyone likes to succeed. The problem comes when fear of failure is dominant. When you can no longer accept the inevitability of making mistakes, nor recognize the importance of trial and error in finding the best and most creative solution.
The more creative you are, the more errors you are going to make. Get used to it. Deciding to avoid the errors will destroy your creativity too.
Balance counts more than you think. Some tartness must season the sweetest dish. A little selfishness is valuable even in the most caring person. And a little failure is essential to preserve everyone’s perspective on success.
We hear a lot about being positive. Maybe we also need to recognize that the negative parts of our lives and experience have just as important a role to play in finding success, in work and in life.
How to conquer the fear of failure (a step-by-step guide)
1. Figure out where the fear comes from
Ask yourself what the root cause of your negative belief could be.[5] When you look at the four main causes for a fear of failure, which ones resonate with you?
Write down where you think the fear comes from and try to understand it as an outsider.
If it helps, imagine you’re trying to help one of your best friends. Perhaps your fear stems from something that happened in your childhood, or a deep-seated insecurity.
Naming the source of the fear takes away some of its power.
2. Re-frame beliefs about your goal
Having an all or nothing mentality leaves you with nothing sometimes. Have a clear vision for what you’d like to accomplish but include learning something new in your goal.
If you always aim for improvement and learning, you are much less likely to fail.[6]
At Pixar, people are actually encouraged to “fail early and fail fast.”[7] They encourage experimentation and innovation so that they can stay on the cutting edge. That mindset involves failure, but as long as they achieve their vision of telling great stories, all the stumbling blocks are just opportunities to grow.
3. Learn to think positively
In many cases, you believe what you tell yourself. Your internal dialogue affects how you react and behave.
Our society is obsessed with success, but it’s important to recognize that even the most successful people encounter failure.
Walt Disney was once fired from a newspaper because they thought he lacked creativity. He went on to found an animation studio that failed. He never gave up, and now Disney is a household name.
Steve Jobs was also once fired from Apple before returning as the face of the company for many years. [8]
If Disney and Jobs believed the negative feedback, they wouldn’t have made it.
It’s up to you to notice your negative self talk and identify triggers. Replace negative thoughts with positive facts about yourself and the situation. You’ll be able to create a new mental scripts that you can reach for when you feel negativity creeping in. The voice inside your head has a great effect on what you do.
4. Visualize all potential outcomes
Uncertainty about what will happen next is terrifying. Take time to visualize the possible outcomes of your decision. Think about the best and worst-case scenarios. You’ll feel better if you’ve already had a chance to mentally prepare for what could happen.
Fear of the unknown might keep you from taking a new job. Weigh the pros and cons, and imagine potential successes and failures in making such a life-altering decision. Knowing how things could turn out might help you get unstuck.
5. Look at the worst-case scenario
There are times when the worst case could be absolutely devastating. In many cases, if something bad happens, it won’t be the end of the world.
It’s important to define how bad the worst case scenario is in the grand scheme of your life. Sometimes, we give situations more power than they deserve. In most cases, a failure is not permanent.[9]
For example, when you start a new business, there’s bound to be a learning curve. You’ll make decisions that don’t pan out, but often that discomfort is temporary. You can change your strategy and rebound. Even in the worst case scenario, if the perceived failure led to the end of that business, it might be the launching point for something new.
6. Have a backup plan
It never hurts to have a backup plan. The last thing you want to do is scramble for a solution when the worst has happened. The old adage is solid wisdom:
“Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.”
Having a backup plan gives you more confidence to move forward and take calculated risks.
Perhaps you’ve applied for a grant to fund an initiative at work. In the worst-case scenario, if you don’t get the grant, are there other ways you could get the funds?
There are usually multiple ways to tackle a problem, so having a backup is a great way to reduce anxiety about possible failure.
7. Learn from whatever happens
Things may not go the way you planned, but that doesn’t automatically mean you’ve failed. Learn from whatever arises.[10] Even a less than ideal situation can be a great opportunity to make changes and grow.
“Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.”
Ask yourself:
What did I learn?
How can I grow from this?
Did anything positive come from this situation?
Dig deep enough, and you’re bound to find the silver lining. When you’ve learned that “failure” is an opportunity for growth instead of a death sentence, you conquer the fear of failure.
Failures can be blessings in disguise
Together we’ve learned what fear of failure is, and how it can have a crippling effect on our ability to achieve. This fear often stems from childhood, perfectionism, ego and over-personalization, and a lack of confidence.
Luckily for us, there are plenty of ways to tackle this fear. We can start by figuring out where it comes from and re-framing the way we feel about failure. When failure is a chance for growth, and you’ve looked at all possible outcomes, it’s easier to overcome fear.
Stay positive, have a backup plan, and learn from whatever happens. Your failures will be sources of education and inspiration rather than humiliation.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison
Go boldly in the direction of your dreams and goals. Don’t allow fear to stand in your way.
Featured photo credit: Vecteezy via vecteezy.com
Reference
[1]^MindTools: Overcoming Fear of Failure[2]^Make Money Online Scams Exposed: Causes Of Fear Of Failure[3]^A Conscious Rethink: The Real Reason You Have A Fear Of Failure (And What To Do About It)[4]^Hypnosis Downloads: 4 Causes of Fear of Failure[5]^Wake Up Cloud: 13 Incredibly Simple Ways to Overcome the Fear of Failure[6]^Forbes: How To Conquer The Fear Of Failure – 5 Proven Strategies[7]^Virgin: Why failure is a key part of Pixar’s culture[8]^Entrepreneur: 6 Stories of Super Successes Who Overcame Failure[9]^Wake Up Cloud: 13 Incredibly Simple Ways to Overcome the Fear of Failure[10]^Forbes: How To Conquer The Fear Of Failure – 5 Proven Strategies
function footnote_expand_reference_container() { jQuery(“#footnote_references_container”).show(); jQuery(“#footnote_reference_container_collapse_button”).text(“-“); } function footnote_collapse_reference_container() { jQuery(“#footnote_references_container”).hide(); jQuery(“#footnote_reference_container_collapse_button”).text(“+”); } function footnote_expand_collapse_reference_container() { if (jQuery(“#footnote_references_container”).is(“:hidden”)) { footnote_expand_reference_container(); } else { footnote_collapse_reference_container(); } } function footnote_moveToAnchor(p_str_TargetID) { footnote_expand_reference_container(); var l_obj_Target = jQuery(“#” + p_str_TargetID); if(l_obj_Target.length) { jQuery(‘html, body’).animate({ scrollTop: l_obj_Target.offset().top – window.innerHeight/2 }, 1000); } }
The post Why You Have the Fear of Failure (And How to Conquer It Step-By-Step) appeared first on Lifehack.
from Viral News HQ https://ift.tt/2qb1TwN
via Viral News HQ
0 notes
Text
Letter 29: The Person That You Want To Tell Everything To, But Are Too Afraid
Dear A,
The first thing that came across my mind when I decided to write this letter was, “Ah, she would have love that.”, considering that you are a bit of an attention lover, o prideful majestic Leo. :P And be proud, because while my longest record of re-writing a letter is four times (and those were due to technical failures), yours was re-written TWICE due to careful thinking).
So, why pick letter 29 when there are so many others to pick from? You are, after all, one of the rare few whom I shared my troubles and real thoughts with, so logically-speaking, there shouldn’t be anything I should be “afraid” of, right?
Letters, to you, signalled a beginning and an ending of relationship.
Letters, to me though, seemed to be fraught with words I couldn’t share. Not just due to circumstances, but also due to the difficulty of reflecting quickly and verbalise my thoughts with accuracy.
(Perhaps, at this moment, you’re cussing me for using vibrant vocabulary instead of keeping it simple. If I were by your side, showing this letter, you’re probably asking definitions for some of those words…)
(Hmm, will I let you read this, I wonder! Or would you have found this letter yourself? I doubt the latter though.)
Okay, okay, I’ll go straight to the point.
The reason why I picked letter 29 was because I found it apt and meaningful in many ways. I do have some fondness for multi-layered words.
After all, Fear still is (and has always been) my greatest obstacle and current downfall.
Remember when we had a discussion and I mentioned I was afraid? By trying to break down or analysed said fear, you asked something amongst the lines of “People feel fear because a) they fear the unknown or b) something is threatening them, so what are you afraid of?”
It’s funny that many claimed that I am smart, that I already know the answer to it (and most often the time when they said that, I realised later that I do). “I don’t know” is usually a defense mechanism that is used to buy time while my thoughts frantically tried to organised itself, this I know. But, I personally feel that if one is smart, one would have been able to verbalise the answer instead. And I could never verbalise answers to the hard questions, either because my thoughts were still messy, or that I don’t want to face the truth, or that I don’t want my answers to be treated as a “finalised version” (because they rarely are), or that it is pointless when I already know the reaction to those answers I give.
There are times it becomes so much harder to communicate with others, because people are unafraid of sharing. They shared, they boasted, they ranted, they talked… and one can learn many things about a person from their words, actions and body languages. I get to understand others, but rarely one does understand me because I rarely (to never) share unless being probed. And I am never comfortable, never felt safe when it comes to sharing. Because past experiences have taught me that it’s bad to be different, and I know I’m oddly different, that others may not be kind to accept. And while working is one of the good (and only) way (I know) to connect with others, it’s hard to do so when one effed up a lot. So, yes, I Fear.
Back to that Fear topic, you asked if something happened in the past that has affected me or made me that way. The words that came from my mouth was “I don’t think so”, but my heart and mind back then were teasing me, “Aha, there it is”.
I admit, time and again, I have referenced This Past Problem as “past baggages” in this Tumblr of mine. Never have I told a soul on what really happened, but all I could say is it does… made for much of my negativity and odd behaviours for the past months (years). And I’m sorry to say, this won’t be the time I’ll admit it all. Not here, not in reality, not privately to you. And all I ask is for you to respect this, for we are entitled to our own secrets after all; just like you who slowly revealed and entrusted me with some of your secrets (and I do appreciate it), please allow me some time to get over it.
Which is, perhaps, why I chose to write this letter. Because these thoughts are heavy and gnawing, that I can’t brush them away. I have tried, but all it got me was many blank stares at the monitor and many work mistakes. I don’t expect this letter for you to be a Cure All, but perhaps it could lighten my burden and shed some light on what’s running in my mind.
Just a small warning, this letter may not be a straightforward one due to my thought process. As you often teased how my thoughts are like a spider webs, well, all I can say is take what I said as a grain of salt and don’t get too entangled by them.
On Saturday, when you lectured me on my mistakes and wrongdoings, I just felt a huge disparity in our communication and understanding with each other. On the bright side, something useful was imparted in the end. But 80% of the lecture in front was just… I really struggled to react that all I could do is to remain silent, because I know my reactions will be taken as something else that is probably way farther from the truth, and that our realities and cognition are different. The fact that my attempts to explain were taken as “twisting your words” is already face-palming enough, and it’s already hard enough for me to communicate to begin with (an irony, considering how people often said it’s my strong point). And it’s even sadder that I understand where you’re coming from, and how your background has mold you to be who you are now, that your harsh answers were answers people has given to you; if I were to give you the answers that people has given me, how much of an imbalance would I have caused in your heart, and how much more of a burden would I be putting on your shoulders aside from the current situation? No, adding more burdens on you (or others) is the last of my intentions, and perhaps it’s with those thoughts that I crumble.
(And just for clarification: I don’t mind your lectures (it was a justified anger), nor do I mind you bringing up my past mistakes when you thought it’d hurt (because it doesn’t, not in the way you’d think at least), or whether you’re too fierce or harsh (I understand your personality and that you’re pressured). There are many things you theorised, but most of them feels so far from the truth that I just want to bang my head for being such a poor communicator.)
The other day, you mentioned you’ll be having a discussion with me to ask “What do I want”. As you already know, this is a question that’s been haunting me, bugging me. And for some weird reason, it seems to be a question that everyone seems to think I already know the answer to. Do I really? Nevertheless, knowing that you’re going to talk to me about this, and knowing that I won’t be able to articulate anything if you were to ask me this, I figured I’d have a head-start attempt on my deconstruction to save you the trouble.
So, why am I failing so bad at work? Like, what gives? \o/
I know that we’ve been through this quite a few times, and there are no dead horses we haven’t beat… but, you know, after reconnecting with a certain friend from afar and rediscovering my passion in creativity and astrology, I’d found the answer (not to say I have discovered it since I know it’s in there all this while, but I just found a way to express it) that hits me hardest: the crippling doubt of my abilities. I notice my screw ups are generally either from being too careless or too scared (with the latter reigning the most these days), and this… this is something I’m striving to overcome (but fail, again and again). As a Capricorn Rising (in which no doubt you’ll ask what the heck is that and what is your Rising, or you’re probably too confused at this point, ack, forgive my ramblings), it seems that I would eternally be extra harsh on myself, that while I have high dreams, my crippling fear of failure and doubts on my abilities would stop it until I regain some form balance in my mindset (which is, another thing I’m working on).
You asked why I pushed my most of my tasks to the end. That’s mostly because during that time, doubts gnawed at me. The paranoia of being wrong, being not good enough gnawed at me. And perhaps what frustrates me is, in my mind, I know what needs to be done and what to do. But my body cannot keep up, my body refuses to oblige. Fear claimed victory in my actions.
And so, why did I do in the end? Because when the deadline neared or when things effed up, a sense of responsibility and obligation were enough to cover those fears. It became Do or Die, and that’s when I started doing without caring, without having to shoulder the burden of Fears. Which is a tad sad, for when I became comfortable to a task, it becomes too late… so really, the only way to overcome this is by doing it, this I know. Not to say there is no Fear, no, Fear has always been my companion when it comes to the work and many of the things I felt I’m not good enough. Yes, mindset and confidence problem, something I’m working to fix.
At this point, you’re probably asking “What the point of this letter? To complain about me or rant at me?”, or “are you saying you’re wanting to leave?” or perhaps you’re asking “How can I help?” like how you did when we ate lunch.
To answer your first question, it’s an attempt to share my perspective. You, who often and always shared yours, whom I rarely reciprocate with words: this is my perspective and thoughts, make of what you will. I don’t expect any action, I don’t expect you to fix my problems, but I just want you to understand. This is just half of what I’d wanted to say, the other half I have yet to find words for.
To answer your second question, no, I’m not leaving. Not yet, at least. It’s a sick irony, because I am stubbornly staying for the same reason I want to quit: I want to effin’ master what I cannot do even though I know I’m a bit of a dunderhead when it comes to accounting reports and numbers. Which is really stupid, because there are times I felt it a waste of time (like why work on my weaknesses instead of honing my strength?), but I still really, really just want to master and get good at accounting even though every teaching would trigger some form of blank out from information overload and sleepiness.
To answer your third question, well, to say I don’t really have an answer would be a lie, but to suggest it or say it out loud feels like an admit to defeat, an attempt to change you (which may be the last thing I want), and also against social norms. Because what I needed may not suit your leadership style, semi-high expectations and close-to-perfection tendencies, perhaps not even suitable in this highly-stressed environment. But actually, it boils down to, what I need, I may not deserve. And perhaps that’s why I’m afraid to share…?
Because what I (think I) need, is a reminder/reaffirmation that I’m progressing. But again, maybe I’m not progressing, so there’s not much reminder there. Or maybe you have, but all I could remember is my mistakes. And it’s so easy to lose focus when I felt that I am a nothing but a scum of a human being for always effing up. While the greatest affirmation is, of course, being capable of doing my task, but… when I’m harsh on myself, I guess I just want a reminder that, hey, I’m progressing, now remember these last steps to detailed. Because more often than not, when I start to doubt myself, all my knowledge crumbles.
But perhaps, most importantly, I needed a reminder that there are people counting on me. Maybe it’s a Sun in Virgo thing (we, who love to serve), a Moon in Aquarius thing (we, who secretly likes being appreciated). Not the sort that would create pressure and high expectation, but… well, on the day when you snapped out of annoyance that I’m supposed to be your assistant accountant and therefore should be capable of making judgment and assisting you, I was… honestly surprised, because I thought I’ve already lost that position and chance, few months ago, after screwing up so much, and after your brother has entered the workplace. It just sparked something in me that is almost a reminisce of my confident, intelligent self, even if it’s but a short while.
To sum it up, all my problems can be broken down into one thing: Fear.
And the only thing to beat Fear is, really, by doing it.
In all honesty, it feels that there is much I’d like to convey. But, for now, I think this is enough. My loss for words is due to my current negativity, and I just need to… find it back by doing what needs to be done.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
best-online-marketing-blog1
Best online marketing
fnqhm9k1-blog
Insurance
keekunique-5
KikoNikooo
lovebordado
Sem título
zentaxca
Untitled