#and nobody ever left to live in a town 20 miles away | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seodami · 3 years

Text

Dearest treasure | KTH

Summary: Every kid in town was afraid of Kang Taehyun, the old -slightly creepy- man living alone for years and years in the same run down house. Every night he would go into his backyard with a shovel and dig a hole into the earth. No one knows why and there are kids rumouring about him burying people. Jungwon was a bright kid, wanting to find out the truth behind this widely spread rumour for a school project. And what he found out would change his life forever.

Genre: fluff, angst, flashbacks, story of life, snippets of life, tiny bit humour

Warning: old Taehyun, mention of death, mention of suicide/suicidal thoughts, death

Word count: 10152 (all 3 parts together)

Pairing: Kang Taehyun x reader, (Yang Jungwon)

Note: Wow okay so this story took me a while to write and I listened to hours of das music to finish this🥺 this was honestly an emotional rollercoaster. But I’m so glad it’s finally finished so I can post it on here yayyy!!! I hope you like it an enjoooyy (please tell me if you cried I would really appreciate your responses haha bc I did)

Main masterlist

2021

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Hueningkai, happy birthday to youuuu...” the crowd gathered in the small kitchen around said birthday boy, singing more or less in unison, while some were eagerly hitting his back, hoping he would finally blew out the 18 candles on top of the colourful decorated cake. Yeonjun, one of his friends managed to sweep some of the delicious cake frosting onto his finger just to smear it right across the now 18 year old boy’s cheek.

Taehyun let out a loud laugh, holding their other friend Beomgyu back from joining in on the incoming chaotic frosting war. It was far too crowded in this hot tiny kitchen for having at least 20 people smearing each other’s faces and ruining their make up. It was like everyone was going wild, letting free their stress and problems of the day.

It wasn’t until Taehyun himself felt something wet and extremely cake scented against his own cheek - and due to his rapid motion - also on his lips. His eyes met yours for the first time that moment. And he swears, his heart must have felt extremely sporty this exact moment because it started racing like crazy when he saw that adorable cheeky grin sneaking on your face, eyes moving swiftly down to his lips, where the frosting had been put, before going back to his eyes again. There was a mischievous glint in your eyes, which immediately pulled him into a ban. It fascinated him too much to look away.

He didn’t know how long you were just silently teasing each other, but the next moment he wasn’t holding onto Beomgyu’s arm anymore. He sweeped up some frosting himself on his index finger, deeply digging into the cake, and before you could even realize what was going to happen, there was already a big fat purple trail of frosting from your cheek up to your nose. Taehyun playfully laughed at his creation, trying to get away from you as fast as possible as soon as he saw your determination in your face. Oh you were so not gonna lose to this boy.

You chased each other laughing around the kitchen, the connection strangely already built, even though none of you could explain how or why. It was just there, like a spark in the dark. You managed to find the perfect opportunity to sneak up behind him, looking searching into the crowd, and slap some more frosting right on his other cheek. Taehyun let out a surprised squeal, with one swift motion he had already turned around to look at your big lively eyes. The blonde boy could only laugh in disbelief, seeing you burst out into a fit of giggles. Taehyun didn’t see the intense stare from his now 18 year old friend in his back, nor did he see how your heart skipped a beat when you took a glance at him.

It wasn’t his intention to only talk to you this long evening. It wasn’t his intention to ruin Hueningkais mood because he kept his crush away from him. And it most definitely wasn’t his intention to fall for you and your witty charm so quickly. But let’s be honest, life wasn’t made to be perfect. It was made to be full of surprises and colourful like a big bag of candy. You never knew what you would get.

2022

Your first kiss happened on a random Thursday evening. When you decided to tag along a few of his friends to a camping trip, Taehyun knew that would be his downfall. When you two first met at Hueningkais birthday party almost a year ago, he didn’t knew about his younger friends huge crush on you. Quite honestly, he felt horrible for what happened at this day. And he felt even worse about the feelings he was secretly harvesting for you.

When his friend Soobin told him about the youngest misery, the first thing Taehyun did was rushing to Kais house and apologise for not knowing. He could see that day how his previous actions were burdening his friend, even though he tried to hide it, they were crushing his happy self down. And Taehyun swore to himself after this day, that he would never ever want any person to change just because of his behaviour. He wanted Hueningkai to always be this bright, cheerful, innocent boy he knew and everyone adored. And what was even more important to him: he swore to never let a girl go between any of their friendships. And if you were important to Kai, Taehyun wholeheartedly meant to step back and let his brother-like friend find his happiness. He really meant it.

But it had to come differently. Taehyun tried a whole year not to come into contact with you. He tried to not be present at the same events as you, he tried not to answer your friendly ‘hey’ messages at midnight and he tried to avoid your eyes whenever you walked past each other. But how could he be prepared for this camping trip- 24 hours a day with you in close proximity. It was a challenge set to fail at the very beginning. And he knew it.

It was visible for everyone that you saw Hyuka as just a friend. You didn’t have the sparkle in your eyes like you did when you looked at the blonde boy and you didn’t searched his eyes in a crowd of peoples. You always looked for Taehyuns eyes. Not for Hueningkais. But how could anyone resent him to not realize after having a crush on you for already over 5 years. Yet nobody dared to tell him. They didn’t want him to be hurt.

But this one evening was different. Taehyun could have run away. He could have. But he didn’t when you approached him sitting alone on a small cliff, the warm sea water flowing peacefully and steadily under their feet. His face was turned slightly upwards towards the disappearing sun. It was still warm and humid. You silently sat down next to him, only a few centimetres apart. It was too close for his liking. He could smell your scented hair and see the little redness on your cheeks from the shining sun just hours before. He could see your pink lips moisturised and glistening as your tongue glided against the flesh. You were way too close and it made him anxious.

He could have just left or stared blankly ahead of him but you made it so hard for him to not to fall into a comfortable and excited flow of talking. And before he knew, the both of you talked and laughed together, shoulder against shoulder, thighs brushing against each other here and there. Anyone could have seen the chemistry between the two of you. The sparks were almost flying a mile away.

Soon, Taehyuns nervous glances behind his back stopped as darkness rolled over you and the only thing he could see was you in front of him in the soft light of the moon. Your face was so close. Your lips were just there. Just for him. And not a split second before the thought had gotten into his mind, you closed the small gap between you two.

He didn’t knew what had gotten into him that exact moment. He knew it was so wrong, yet it was so right. It happened so quick- your lips against his- maybe he even imagined it but the tingling against his own lips afterwards pulled him back into reality. He goddamn kissed his brothers crush and now he had to live with the consequences. And he was so afraid.

2023

A year later, everything seemed going in every thinkable direction. Yet, it went all differently than he thought. A lot had happened after that first kiss of yours. It wasn’t very difficult for your friends to figure out the whole situation and set together all the puzzle pieces. Soon they all knew about you two. It didn’t made any sense to stay away from each other when you two obviously were head over heels for each other. You tried hiding your blooming relationship but was it really an option to begin with?

The moment Taehyun dreaded more than anything else, was Kai finding out. And of course he did. When he saw you two coincidentally at the ice cream parlour, trying each other’s flavours, your head laying on his shoulder, he knew. Deep down he knew it before and deep down he was understanding that he never could be in Taehyuns shoes. He always felt like he was lacking, comparing himself to his best friends. It was like a heavy punch inside his abdomen, maybe also in his face. And when Taehyun turned around, meeting Hueningkais teary, hurt eyes, he felt like crying himself. He felt so much worse than he thought he would. He felt so useless, like the worst person alive. He broke his best friend. And he suddenly wanted to turn back time to Kais 18th birthday party and wished he never smeared that cake onto your face.

It was a tough time afterwards. You never knew about Kais crush on you, so it left you feeling utterly helpless. You wanted to help somehow but just made it worse. Taehyuns friendship with Kai also was severely damaged and you felt it was just because of you. To say the least, you both felt horrible. But could you really if you both just followed your heart?

It took a while but for Taehyun it was every second worth the wait when Hueningkai came to talk to him. It was a long heartfelt conversation filled with tears, apologies, forgiveness and lots of hugs. Taehyun felt deeply thankful towards his friend. Kai knew he couldn’t hold his friends happiness away from him. He knew a girl who didn’t want him wasn’t worth losing one of his dearest and closest friends. He knew his feelings for you soon or later would disappear. It just took some time.

And it indeed got better for all of you. Him and Kai were as close as before if not even closer and between you and Taehyun was nothing but love. Taehyun had never felt such feelings this strong for anyone else before. Not even his eleven year older babysitter he had a crush on when he was 7 years old for whom he waited anxiously every time his parents went out. Taehyun felt absolutely great being with you. He loved the way your conversations flowed so well and he loved the way you always supported each other. He didn’t know much about relationships in the first place since you were his first real girlfriend but somehow he knew this was just right and just healthy. You just clicked.

2026

Taehyun was 24 and you were 23 when your first break up happened. It wasn’t out of hatred or jealousy like other couples may go through, no, it was because you both decided to. It was the best move at that moment, thinking that a long distance relationship over half the globe couldn’t work anymore. It worked for a year since you left for France to work. It was a good paid job in just the right place for you and you loved it. But you hated being so far away from Taehyun.

Your relationship was amazing. It was like living on fluffy clouds, always high with the feeling of euphoria and glee. But there had to be low points as well. The sky wasn’t always full of clouds. Sometimes you had to jump off to come into touch with reality. And this was such a moment.

However, nobody would have thought that sometimes these decisions we make and find so hard to make, exactly these were the worse decisions. Taehyun felt like he was a hollow porcelain figure. He felt so lonely even though you still were parted by the ocean. And somehow he felt less lonely before the split. Now he felt like you took his heart with you. And the only person who could save him from drowning was you.

It only took him half a year- 6 months- to realize that he made the worst decisions in his life. Hueningkai, who had long lost feelings for you and now was in a happy relationship himself, literally beat some sense into his hollow brain. He couldn’t just lose you like that. And it took him only one kick to pack his bag and take the next plane towards France. Towards you.

To say the least, you were utterly shocked to see your (ex)boyfriend sit in front of the wooden door of your small apartment. His eyes weren’t sparkling like they did all these years before. And his hair had grown a bit- it was now black again. Seeing you again was like a spark of hope inside of him. He wanted to make it good again. He was determined to get you back, no matter how hard a long distance relationship might be. It was worth for him now, he learned that the hard way.

You pulled him up and inside your tiny flat. It felt so familiar touching him, yet it seemed so long ago. But you missed it…him. Before any words were shared, Taehyun pulled you into a bone crushing hug. You felt like crying, finally being with the person you loved the most. All your surpressed feelings came crashing back to you again. And you wanted to never let him go again. Hugging him felt like coming home again after a long trip. And something in this hug brought you reassurance that your story together wasn’t over yet. There would need to be much more difficult obstacles than an ocean between the two of you to part you.

2027

You cried. You bawled your eyes out. As much and hard as you possibly could. Taehyuns arms pressed you further into his firm chest, grabbing the fabric of his blue hoodie. Large wet spots were now found on top of it. The small plastic stick in Taehyuns hands felt heavy and cold. He couldn’t quite grasp this particular situation, being lost in his own train of thoughts. He was shell shocked. You on the other hand were emotionally on the furthest end. Not only were your hands shaking uncontrollably, but your whole face by now was sticky from all your endless flowing tears.

“It’s allright sunshine. We can do that. It’s just a surprise, not the end of the world, okay?” The 24 year old mans voice wasn’t as stable as he hoped it to be but it had the right effect on you anyways. Your big eyes saw his blurry face in front of you. A sob escaped your mouth. He gave you the sweetest smile, gently tapping away your heavy tears.

“I’m afraid, Taehyun…” your hoarse voice almost sounded as quiet as a breeze, you weren’t sure if he even heard it. But the man simply put his forehead against yours, patting your hair in the back with the utmost care. You could feel him nod slightly, being able to see the fear in his own eyes.

“I know baby, me too… but we can do this together. Really. You are not alone in this.” It was almost like a promise, telling you he never would leave your side. Not even when you would look like a bloated whale with calve and back pain. Not even when in less than 9 months you both would enter a totally different path in life. But you would do it together. And that was what calmed you down the most. With him you were never alone.

2029

When his big sparkling eyes met your elegant white figure, he couldn’t help but let a tear slip past his normally controlled face. No one could blame him. It was such a touching moment in every persons life being able to see their partner in front of the altar with their hand in their own. And when he saw that big bright smile on your lips, muttering the soft ‘I do’ in his ears full of confidence, he knew that life went just the right way. He suddenly believed in fate and soulmates and true love. Because when he looked at your eyes, he saw his future. Not only his past and present but all the other precious moments to come.

Your path up until this moment wasn’t easy and you both knew that. The pregnancy had been a tough one for you, containing dozens of sleepless nights, horrible mood swings and a 34 hour long birth. Taehyun still could remember the day his daughter was born as well as his own name. He still felt your squeezing hand, he still heard your painful screams and most importantly, he still remembers holding and seeing the baby for the first time, setting free emotions even he didn’t knew he had. It was a new world for both of you. But you regretted absolutely nothing.

And when he could finally lay his lips on top of yours, the priest declaring you his wife, he couldn’t hear his friends and families cheers and whistles. He could only really see you and his little daughter in her grandfathers arms.

2032

“Daddy hurry up. I want to play.” The small yet loud voice of Taehee, your first born daughter, boomed through the empty halls. Nothing adorned the blank walls yet and the only color he could see besides white, was the brown of the many carton boxes standing around on the floor. A satisfying feeling made itself known inside of the young father. The new keys pressed cooling against his palm. It was both of your hard work that enabled you to finally settle down and buy your first real house together. And it felt exhilarating.

“Soon bunny, we will first make some space here, alright? It may takes some time though. You can help me.” He offered the tiny girl his hand, which she immediately grabbed. While grinning from ear to ear, ponytails bobbing up and down, she looked way too much alike her mother. Even the way they laugh reminded him of her. Only the big innocent eyes showed him that indeed she was his child, glistening with the same amount of curiosity as his always did.

“When is mummy coming back? I want to see my little brother again. He was so cute.” The man smiled fondly at the girl in his hand and mentioned her to sit down onto the wooden floor. “They are coming this evening. They still need to rest a bit in the hospital until they can come home. But in the meantime we are gonna start unpacking and make a nice cosy dinner for mummy, how does that sound?” The girl nodded again, this time more excited at the mention of her new little brother and mother coming home. You were both over the moon when you found out about your second pregnancy. Unlike the first time, it was a happy memory free from all your doubts and fears. You already went through the first one so it showed to be a lot easier the second time. Yet it was just exhilarating as the first one, Taehyun finally found his loved ones and he would never ever let them go. He was the happiest he had ever been. It was all like a dream.

When you were finally being released from the dull hospital, this time with a tiny baby boy in the bowl in your hands, you were met with one of the beloved home cooked meals of your husband. Taehyun had gone all out to surprise you and the adorable girl besides him had the biggest smile on her face as he explained that she had helped her. The first meeting of Taehees new sibling was just lovely. Fondness was already written all across her as she carefully poked the baby’s chubby cheek. Taehyuns eyes were full of the purest form of love. Proud, yet so delicate, it was just as you had seen him on the day your first daughter was born. He was ready to give it all to his family. And he meant it.

The next day was just as eventful as the day before. Printed out pictures were all laying around the empty floor, now they were all sitting on a fluffy carpet. You were hunched over a white piece of paper, eccentricly writing down all and everything. Taehyun playfully peaked over your shoulders to get a small glimpse at the long heartfelt letter, you seemed to be writing with so much concentration, only to be met with a giggling flick on his forehead. You had told him it was only to be read in the future, not for now, so he respected your decision but it still didn’t hinder him from being curious and trying to guess what you were writing. Taehyun had always had the urge to find more about things he was interested in and constantly would sacrifice his free time to learn new skills or facts about all thinkable topics. Something you loved so much about your love.

“Alright. I’m finished. Now…bunny have you found your favorite drawings?” You folded the papers and stuffed them into a pink envelope. Glitter stickers were put all around by your little daughter. The girl nodded enthusiastically holding up a few of her fantastic, creative paintings so full of life and childlike excitement. Taehyun took them from her with a smile and layed them into the metal box together with your letter and a pile of photos you’ve carefully chose together.

You and Taehyun sitting on the couch at night, your children already sleeping tight. You felt his hot breath in your neck, letting your heart race like a maniac but still feeling completely and utterly lost and in love with this man. Laying against his upper body, you’ve spontaneously decided to hide a time capsule in your new garden full of your dearest treasures. It was a wonderful idea honestly, holding onto this seemingly perfect moment just for a moment longer before letting go and let the flow of life taking over again. A moment to freeze and lock up in a tiny box to look back at in the future. It was a secure feeling for the both of you.

After adding all the things you’ve found important, Taehyun recalled Taehee bringing one of her favorite toys and in the end there were way too many things inside, he could barely close the lid and lock it up. Together with a shovel, you made your way towards the backyard, finding a lovely spot next to a hazel bush. A place he could never forget as he saw his daughter running around with joy in her yellow sundress. Lovely. Just lovely.

Digging the hole about a meter and a half deep, Taehyun placed the box carefully into the cooling soil, smelling the intense scent of nature. With a last smile, he filled the hole with earth again, leaving back a bittersweet moment of farewell and a new segment of life. But that was how life went. Unexpectedly and still so lovely.

2045

“Dad, can you please drive me to Johnny? He asked me to hang out...” Taehyun looked up from his computer, legs crossed, too focused to fully realize what his 17 year old daughter just asked him. A distant hum was his only answer. “Dad? Did you hear me?” Taehee tried again, slight annoyance laced in her voice. Taehyun blinked surprised and snapped out of his bubble filled with work.

“What did you say bunny?” The same nickname had never left the now teenage girl throughout her whole life. “Oh dad…I asked if you could give me a ride to Johnny’s?” A hint of a red blush creeped up her ears and cheeks under her fathers piercing eyes. “Johnny who? The lanky skater boy from your class? The one who was expelled for violent behaviour?” Taehee shrunk seemingly but shook her head, trying to form an excuse. “No- I mean yes it’s him but dad he’s really not like that. You don’t even know him. He just asked me to hang out…that’s all.”

Taehyun pulled an eyebrow up but nodding, an incoming call from work disrupting his train of thoughts. “And? Can you?” She asked again, seeing her father already about to accept the call. “No…no not now bunny. I’m still working but you can ask your mum. She wanted to drive your brother to his boxing lesson.” With this he finally accepted the call, apologising for the wait. With a sigh and a short nod, Taehee turned and waved his father rejectedly, looking over her shoulder.

Little did he know… oh how Taehyun wished to relive this moment, never accepting that stupid call and just drive his children instead of you. Everything would still be alright. Everyone would still be here…

That had been the last moment he saw his daughter, his son and his wife.

When Taehyun received the life changing call, his heart fell into a sea of tiny deathly splinters. Nothing was left for him. He had nothing. Absolutely nothing. When the hospital told him about the deathly car crash his whole family had been fatally injured and in the end dying on the spot of the accident, he broke down… he wanted to cry and scream and shout and destroy everything…but he couldn’t. He was empty. And so empty, not only his family disappeared that day, he vanished as well, never experiencing the feeling of home and comfort and love ever again. He was completely lost and that forever. And that’s when Taehyun gave up. He just simply…gave up.

26 notes · View notes

sdmnluvs · 3 years

Text

Home Town Glory- Minishaw

Disclaimer!! I know that Simon is in a very happy relationship with Talia! It’s just for entertainment purposes and to let me practice my writing. This is also posted on my Wattpad!

28 years old and he misses home more than ever. That's why he's walking the streets of Hemel Hempstead at quarter past 11 on a Friday night.

It wasn't his plan when he woke up this morning. But he had fucked up, told Harry he loved him and when Harry just stared at him he fled the flat in record worthy time.

Got back to his own flat with ignoring Harry's missed calls and texts. Grabs a bag and packs a weekends worth of clothes as Jj enters his room confused.

"You alright there Simon?" He asks dumbly as the taller runs to the bathroom to grab his toothbrush. "I-I fucked up, going home for the weekend!" He says, pulls out his phone to call an Uber. He doesn't care if it's expensive, would spend every dime in his bank account if it meant he didn't have to look at the pity his friends would throw him when they found out what he had done.

"Did something happen with Harry? Did you guys break up?" Jj asks shock evident in his voice. Everyone was sure that they were a stable couple. Maybe looks really can be deceiving.

"I need to clear my head for a while Jide, if Harry comes please don't tell him where I am," Simon says before grabbing his bag and leaving Jj standing in bedroom. Heard the door close and the younger doesn't know what to do.

But he listens to what Simon said. When Harry shows up half an hour later with tears in his eyes it takes all of his might to say that he doesn't know where Simon is. Says me might have gone to visit Josh.

It's evil really, Jj decides when Harry leaves his sitting room with a look of determination on his face. He's sending the poor boy on a wild goose chase for what? Jj doesn't even know what happened between the both of them. For all he knows Simon could be in the wrong here. He had said that he fucked up.....

But by the time he comes to the decision that he should ask Harry what happened the brunet is long gone and he curses to himself. Feels even worse when he realizes that Josh will probably send Harry to Tobi's to check, then Tobi will send him to Randys and Randy will send him back to the flat.

Simon calls him 2 hours later. He's sat in his old room and trying not to cry. "So what happened?" Jj never did have the best patience, Simons surprised he's waited this long.

"I overreacted I guess," the blond sighs. "I told Harry that I loved him. He just stared at me for a straight minute. I couldn't deal with it Jide so I ran. I ran as fast and as far away as I could. Sure I only made it about 27 miles away from home but I couldn't deal with the pity when I told you. I just thought, it's been a year and I've loved him for long. But I guess that it was too soon".

Simon explains it all and Jj listens. Doesn't interrupt just let's Simon talk and it feels nice. Once he's finished talking Jj comforts him. Tells him to go for a walk even though it's 8pm and the sun is going to set soon. Also tells him that Harry definitely loves him back. "He was probably shocked Simon. Give him time. Just go relax, hey go to that park you used to drag me to every Sunday!".

And Simon follows his advice. Tells his mum that he's going to pub to see a few of his old friends. He doesn't need her worrying about him anymore than she already is. So he heads out. Goes for a walk around the town.

Meanwhile Jj sighs when he hears the door knock again. Knows that it's either Josh about to give out to him for sending Harry round his when he knew exactly where the blond was because Tobi had already called him and gave out to him. Or it's Harry back, probably just as deflated as he was this morning.

Opens the door and he's not shocked to see Harry stood in front of him. Bit more shocked that Ethan is stood with him. Arm wrapped around the youngers shoulder. He's smiling sadly and Harry's a puddle of tears.

Jj opens the door wider and rushes both of them in. They all sit down on the couch and Harry won't let go of Ethan's arm as he re-tells the story of his day.

"I-I was shocked Jide, I didn't expect him to say it. I called him back, must've called his name 20 times but it was too late. He was gone. Cal wouldn't let me go until I had told him that happened. I never got the chance to tell him that I love him too. I got to yours as fast as I could. Then you told me to go to Josh and he wasn't there.

Freya convinced me to have a cup of tea and some breakfast. I didn't want to tell them why I was there but you know what Freya's like. They gave me some comforting words and then Josh said that he might be at Tobi's. So I went to Tobi's but he wasn't there. I stayed for a while, talked to Tobi to calm down.

Our last resort was that he was at Randys. But he wasn't. Randy made me eat again, told me that he'd probably of gone back to the flat by now. But that I should maybe leave him until tomorrow. I agreed and was heading home but I couldn't face it. The thought that I'd lost Simon forever. Like our relationship had started and ended in my flat.

Ethan was the closest person to me at that stage. Told the taxi driver to turn around...," he trails off tears falling faster and harder. Ethan throws a comforting arm around him and finishes the story for the younger.

"I tried to calm him down but it was no use. That's when I realized that maybe big man knowledge, strength, Integrity would know where Simon is by now!" Ethan says his eyes cold and narrow when he says Integrity and Jj knows that he's in for it.

He loves Simon he really does, he's his best friend but Harry's sat in their living room crying an actual river and Ethan's glaring at him as much as to say "Tell him the truth or else".

"He's away home for the weekend. I'm sorry Harry, I promised him I wouldn't tell you," but Harry isn't even mad. He lets go of Ethan for the first time since he entered the flat and hugs Jj as tightly as he can.

"Jide please, we have to go. I'll do anything, I'll, I'll-"

Jj stops him, the least he can do is drive the three of them to Hertfordshire as an apology to Harry. Even though it's 10pm and he has a meeting at 8am tomorrow. The things he does for his friends.

So here Simon is. Quarter past 11 on a Friday night. He had actually popped into the local pub. Met a few of his old friends and downed 2 pints. Laughed and laughed and laughed as they re-told childhood stories. Listens as they catch him up on everything he had missed the past 8 years not living at home.

Sure his mum had kept him up to date and he had come home every so often but he'd never found the time to catch up with old friends. Looks around the room and wonders if he had never left what would life be like?

Would he be sat here with the same group of friends every Friday night making memories to last a lifetime. Would Jide be KSI or would he be sat here right next to him. Would he of met a nice girl from the town and be married already. Would he of made memories?

Thinks and remembers that he's made memories to last a lifetime. He's met people, he's met his friends, he's met Harry. The love of his life and suddenly it's all too much. The walls of the pub are closing in on him. He thanks them for the laughs and memories but he's gotta go. Promises them that he'll come home again, with Jj this time and they'll make even more memories.

He looks back and smiles seeing them all doubled over in laughter over something one of them had said. He wants to say that he escaped but there was never really anything to escape. Everyone that stayed is happy. They're all content with their lives. And so is he. He took a different route that's all.

Left the pub and heads off in the direction of the park Jj had mentioned. He had wanted to leave it for last. Let's his mind wander as he wanders around the streets.

Passes by a group of teenagers shrieking in laughter, empty bottle of vodka in their hands and he has to smile. Because that used to be him, running through the same streets when he was younger. Drunk, young and free.

He's so engrossed that he almost walks into a woman. She asks if he's lost because she's never seen him around here. He shakes his head, tells her that he's not lost, just wandering around home. She leaves him be and he keeps going.

Arrives at the park and heads straight to the field. Lies down and watches the stars. Let's the day wash over him and he can't help but smile as he remembers the first time he ever went star gazing was with Harry.

Jj knocks on the door. Simons mum opens the door and she's so happy to see Jj. Welcomes him inside but Jj asks if Simons around. She can hear the desperation in his voice and tells him that he went down to the pub to met a few of the lads.

So the 3 of them leave. They enter and nobody bats and eyelid at them. Jj instantly spots the group of people that Simon should be with, it's just, he's nowhere to be seen. Swears under his breath as he approaches the table.

Taps one of the boys on the shoulder and he turns grinning. "When we told Simon to hurry back with you we didn't mean this soon!" The man laughs and stands up to hug Jj.

He laughs weakly "it's really nice to see you James, but do you have any idea where Simon is?". The man now known as James to Harry and Ethan shakes his head. Explains how he left 20 minutes ago, adds that he looked like he had been doing a lot of thinking. Jj thanks him and they leave,

"So we're back to square 1?" Ethan asks as Harry lets a sob rip from his mouth. "This is all my fault, I shouldn't of been such a prick today," he cries as Ethan hugs him.

"It's ok Bog, let's just head back to his, he'll be home-," Jj starts but then stops. He has a shit eating grin on his face. "I know where he is!".

They all pile into Jj's car once again and 5 minutes later they're pulling up to a park. "Simon used to drag me here every Sunday, I told him to visit here when I was talking to him earlier as a joke," Jj explains as they exit the car and head to the field.

And that's where they spot him. Lying in the grass eyes closed and mouth turned upwards in a smile. Harry walks closer as Ethan and Jj hang back.

"Si?" Harry asks shyly and the body shoots up. Looks around and all air leaves his body because Harry is inching closer to him with a nervous smile on his face. Simon can't take it, not whilst he's at home, in his safe place.

"Harry, please not-," but Harry cuts him off. "Simon please, just listen to me I beg. You don't understand what I've done to get here!". So Simon stays quiet.

"Si I was shocked when you told me that you loved me. Ever since I met you I was convinced that I'd never be enough for you. I was just a 17 year old kid with insecurities that would've drowned me when I first met you. But you, as cringy as it sounds you taught me how to love myself. I was finally in the shallow end when I moved in with Cal and Cal and I started drinking a lot, when the drugs started.

But you were there. Every single time I relapsed you where there. On bad nights that I was tempted you made me watch a shitty movie with you. And even though I hate movies I watched them with you. You supported me when I came out. And then you kissed me when we where in Vegas for Jides fight. A week later we had our first date in London and you weren't embarrassed of me. You held my hand as we walked home and you asked me to be your boyfriend and I said yes. Because I loved you. You kept me afloat, Simon I have loved you since I was 18, too young to know what love is as mum always said. But I loved you. And I still do.

And I'm sorry that I left you standing there waiting for an answer today. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that you loved me, you love me just as much as I love you! And I would've been able to tell you all of this this morning but Cal held me back and then Jide sent me on a goose chase like a whole twat.

So I'm sorry Si, I love you. A lot more than the moon and stars combined,". And Simons stood staring at him, tears falling down his face. Because holy fucking shit. Harry loved him as much as he loved Harry. Didn't even think as he tackled him into a hug. Kissed him deeply and had every unspoken word added to it.

And Harry seemed to just know because when they pulled away he hugged him tighter. They turn to their 2 cheering friends before Simon leans down to kiss him again.

Because he had Harry. Harry was his, the love of his life. "I even love you enough for the first time I tell you to be in Hertfordshire," Harry giggles and Simon grins at him. "Hometown glory I guess,". And then Simon kisses him again

#harry lewis #wrotoshaw #simon minter #miniminter #Minishaw #w2s #fanfic #tumblr won’t let me #break up the paragraphs #sorry it’s all a blob

49 notes · View notes

jenonctcity · 4 years

Text

Perils Brewing

Charia Kingdom – Mark.

Smut, Fluff, Angst.

Fantasy!Au, Supernatural!Au

Warnings: Blood/injuries, sexual content.

Word Count: 16.9k

(All of this series links up. The timeline of the story runs in the order of the master list from top to bottom, Mark - Jisung. Each members part can be read as a stand-alone, but I would recommended reading all the parts in order so the story adds up.)

Charia Kingdom - A place that has equal amounts of sunshine and rain, hot and cold, rich and poor, and, humans and creatures that couldn’t be identified as that of human status. Ruled by the Lee family with a king whose cutthroat and unforgiving nature is feared by many. The poor not cared for by people who have everything, where disease takes the lives of those unfortunate enough to not have the funds to purchase medicine. A place where humans live among creatures many would find terrifying. It’s no secret that Vampires, Werewolves, Wizards, etc live amongst them like normal people. Unless you murder someone, you’re considered normal. Everyone lives their own lives, whether it be a happy life, or a sorrowful life…

Born into a family of renowned witches and wizards, there came a time for Mark to fly the nest. The nest being their comfortable home in the middle of the bustling kingdom. After the death of the castle’s witch, 17 year old Mark was brought in to take her place. He lives up to his family’s name and has impressed the royal family with his natural talents. Now 20 years old with the trust of the royal family and kingdom, shy, quiet Mark is given a new obstacle when a new maid is brought to work alongside him in the castle. Granted she’s mostly there to clean up his mess, but he finds she plays a much bigger role in his life than just that. With the new light in his life, Mark faces a new task at hand. Keeping her safe from the horrors of the castle.

---

A curt gust of crisp wind swept leaves up into the air. The kingdom having a bout of ghastly weather that left a kiss of chill pressed to all exposed skin. Sudden rain the past week had forced many people retreating to the cover of their homes. Those who weren’t lucky enough to be blessed by four walls and a roof left to suffer under the harsh pelts of water plummeting from the moody sky.

You shuddered, although you weren’t sure whether it was because of the cold wind hitting the back of your neck, or whether it was a side effect of the anxiety blooming like a poisonous flower inside of your stomach. The castle gate in front of you was all you could see. It was high enough that if you stood too close to it, the thick wood and the stone that framed it completely blocked out all sights of the great castle behind it. It was clearly built to keep people out. Most likely to stop the lower class from disrupting the perfect equilibrium of the royal family. The gate was connected to a wall that stretched all the way around the castle grounds. Guards on patrol all day, every day to protect it from any possible threats. You had no idea what laid beyond the gate, apart from the obvious castle you could see from miles away. Rumour spread throughout the kingdom that a dragon terrifying enough to make even the bravest of knights piss their pants was what any intruder would be unlucky enough to be met by, had they been successful in breaching the high walls. Which is why you found yourself hesitating as you stared up at the guard post situated above the gate. You couldn’t see anyone over the high wall where you assumed the guards should be.

“Erm,” You cleared you throat, gripping at your tattered bag full of belongings tighter. “Excuse me?” You called out, unsure whether anyone was going to reply or if they’d even heard you at all. Butterflies started to dance in your stomach when a scuffle of shoes against stone came from above the gate. Shortly after that, a boy poked his head between part of the wall, his eyes immediately finding you and raising an eyebrow. The first thing you thought was ‘thank the gods it’s not a dragon’. The second thing that crossed your mind was how the hell someone who looks so young and cute could be guarding the gate, seemingly on his own as you couldn’t see anyone else with him. You furrowed your eyebrows, staring up at the boy and taking in his features. He had pitch black eyes with black hair to match, it rested against his forehead, making him appear soft and cute. It took everything in you not to coo at him.

“What business do you have here?” He leaned his arms on the wall, looking very casual despite being a royal guard. This also gave you the opportunity to see that he clearly wasn’t holding any weapons. What if you were here to attack the castle? He surely couldn’t defend the place with his bare hands. Your thoughts caused a delay in your response, making your cheeks heat up as he looked at you with a judgemental look on his face.

“I’m here to work as a maid. I was told by Seulgi to just come to the castle gate.” You tucked some hair that the wind had caught back behind your ear, shuffling from one foot to another as you shivered in the cold. It had just started to drizzle with rain, causing an uncomfortable layer of water to spread across your face. He rolled his eyes and let out a soft laugh. Seulgi was one of the head maids at the castle. She’d gone to the town to scout for a new maid and due to your enthusiasm and willingness to learn, she’d chose you for the job. All she left you with was a list of things to bring, and a time and date for you to show up at the castle.

“Oh! Okay I was told you’d be coming soon but I forgot what time. Hang on I’ll open the gate.” He laughed, his childlike innocence shining through in his words. You heard a thump resound from behind the gate, then all of a sudden, the sound of metal cranks turning was all you could hear. The gate rose up faster than you expected, and you took a deep breath before hastily stepping inside the castle grounds. You looked to your left to see the surprisingly tall and slender boy working the cranks as he lowered the gate. To your utter shock, he was doing it alone and making it look easy, despite having just raised and lowered a very large and heavy door on his own. Also, with how fast he opened the gate, he must have jumped from the guard post, which had your mouth dropping open in sheer shock that he’d jumped from such a grand height without being injured at all. “I’m not even surprised that Seulgi didn’t come down to greet you herself. Typical.” He laughed with a roll of his eyes. He motioned for you to follow him as he started to walk up the path to the entrance. “What’s your name?” His voice snapped you out of your trance as you stared at the beauty of the building. He was now walking beside you and had his eyes trained on your face.

“I’m (Y/N).” You smiled as you glanced at him, having to pick up your pace to keep up with his big strides.

“I’m Jisung, I’m the head guard of the gate.” He smiled, giving you an awkward wave with his large hand. You were about to open your mouth to reply but as you got to the castle entrance one side of the large door opened to reveal Seugli, her bright smile calming you quickly.

“Thank you for bringing her Jisung.” She bowed her head to him, and he quickly copied, giving you a shy smile as he retreated back the way he’d just walked with you. “Hello (Y/N), come in I’ll show you to your room and then give you a tour.” Her voice was mellow, and you found yourself enjoying her tone as she talked. As you stepped into the grand entrance you felt overwhelmed from the elegance and finery of the décor. A red and gold rug ran along the floor and up the large stone stairs. The royal family’s crest printed on fabric hanging from the walls next to large portraits of what you could only assume was members of the prestigious family. Silver armour was placed along the wall of the hallway Seulgi took you along, the rug still underneath your feet being nothing like you’d ever seen before. Nobody you knew in the town had interiors like this. You felt that everything you touched was expensive and easily breakable which shot a fear through you.

Seulgi showed you to your room, it was located down a narrow staircase and along a long hallway. No natural light could be seen as you were now underground, but candles lit inside of lanterns hanging from the walls gave you enough light to see. It was nothing like the fine décor located above ground, but it was still better than you’d ever lived in before. The room was small, but cosy. With multiple lanterns lit around the room showing you that you had a single bed pushed against the wall beside an empty bedside table. You sat on the bed and noted the fabric of your bedding was soft to the touch and pristine white. Your black and white uniform laid neatly on the bed for you to put on. Across from your bed was a desk, chair, and a wardrobe. It had everything you’d need, and it was very clean. You changed into the uniform that consisted of a black knee length dress that had a white collar, and a white pinafore to go over it, and on your head, you wore a white mop cap. You’d placed the knee length white socks on and slipped into the polished black shoes provided for you. After this she’d taken you on a brief tour of the parts of the castle that you’d need to go to. She neglected to show you where the royal family’s chambers were, but you knew it was highly unlikely you’d actually need to go there so it didn’t matter to you that she hadn’t shown you.

“This is where you’ll spend most of your time.” She motioned to the closed door in front of her on the ground floor of the castle. The room was situated near the gardens at the back of the castle and from the outside you could already tell it was going to be a large room. “You’ll be working alongside Mark, he’s the castles healer, or wizard some may say.” Her eyes crinkled up as she smiled widely. “Your job is to clean up his mess, because honestly he’s useless at doing it himself.” She giggled as she pushed open the door. “You’ll also assist him in his work, he’ll be in charge of you, so he’ll tell you what he needs you to do.” She entered the room and you followed after her, she took you down a rounded staircase, the temperature getting hotter as you got to the bottom step. The room was lit by many lanterns and a large fireplace located on the opposite side of the room to where you stood. A male stood in the centre of the room by a big table that was covered in bottles, books, and other miscellaneous things you didn’t even know what to label. You could hear him mumbling as he flicked through a book that laid on the table, not having noticed he was no longer alone. His thick black hair covered his forehead and his rounded glasses sat on the bridge of his nose, he had pink lips that were pouting out in his concentration and he wore a white button up shirt that had the top two buttons undone, revealing the top of his pale chest, with black trousers. Seulgi cleared her throat, his head snapping up immediately and his wide eyes boring into your own. His beauty nearly knocked you back onto the steps, but you managed to conceal how stunned you felt by smiling softly at him.

“Mark, this is your new assistant (Y/N).” He continued to stare at you with wide eyes, his lips twitching up into a small smile.

“Hello.” He greeted, bowing his head to you and pushing his glasses further up his nose. “It’s nice to meet you.” His voice was soft but deep, it having a calming tone to it that made you automatically relax.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” You bowed to him and raked your eyes around the room once more. You noticed a display cabinet full of bottles labelled with what contents they had inside of them, it stretched from floor to ceiling and was full to the brim. So far it was the only neat thing you’d noticed in the entire room, the bottles all lined up in alphabetical order. Seugli gently touched your shoulder, gaining your attention back from your eyes scanning the room.

“I’m going to leave you with Mark,” She turned to Mark and he watched her with curiosity in his eyes, obviously not knowing what she was planning. “Mark, she’s your responsibility now so you can show her the ropes.” He nodded quickly, a gulp of nervousness making his adams apple bob. Seugli dismissed herself and you found yourself alone with the awkward boy. You decided it was probably best to make conversation with him as he just slowly went back to the work he was doing before you’d entered the room. It looked like he was making a potion, but you’d never seen it been done before so you couldn’t be 100% sure.

“So…what do you want me to clean first?” You approached him slowly, standing beside him as he stirred a bubbling liquid inside of a small cauldron. He glanced at you as he sluggishly stirred the liquid.

“There isn’t much point in you cleaning until I’ve finished making this.” He watched as you let out a sigh, deciding he didn’t like your let down look already and quickly coming up with another solution. “You can help me with this potion if you like?” You smiled widely, your face lighting up ant getting to see a potion being made for the first time in your life.

“Okay!” You chirped, placing your hands on the table in front of you and leaning to look at the potion closer.

After an hour of helping Mark, you had noticed he was very quiet and didn’t really talk unless you initiated the conversation. You had ruled most of the conversation, asking him every question that popped into your mind about the potion making. You’d found out the potion he was brewing was for Prince Jeno, but when you had queried why he was making a potion for the prince, he’d dodged the question by letting you put some leaves into the potion. Obviously, you were excited to actually put something into the potion and had forgotten to ask him about it again. He studied you with keen eyes, a smile creeping onto his face as you stirred the potion for him. He didn’t know you, but he did know that he liked to see you smile.

“How long have you been at the castle?” You spoke up suddenly, now running a wet cloth over the table where the potion had previously been brewing. The dark blue liquid was now concealed in tiny bottles, put to the side for Mark to deliver to the prince later on. His tongue was poking out of his mouth, giving him an innocent look in his concentration as he wrote with a quill and ink on a piece of parchment, sitting on a stool at a table across the room from you.

“3 years.” He didn’t take his eyes off of the paper as he answered your question. You hummed in acknowledgement, pursing your lips and wiping aimlessly at the table.

“You’re a pretty big deal in the town, your parents are very proud of you.” His head snapped up; his eyebrows furrowed in curiosity at what you’d said. He opened his mouth to speak but you beat him to it. “Word spreads fast, especially when the best family in magic has their son chosen to work for the royal family.” Mark’s family was very well known within the town. They were the most reliable source for medicines and potions, leading them to have a popular status in the town.

“Oh…I didn’t know that.” He put the quill back into the pot of ink, all of his attention now on you. “I don’t often go to the town, if I need anything one of the maids will go and get it.”

“Don’t you miss your family?” You didn’t know if you should be asking him personal questions like this, not sure how he will react. You hoped he didn’t get angry, not wanting to make your new colleague mad at you. He bit his bottom lip and nodded, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“I do, I see them every now and then, but I’m needed here.” He stood up, lining the four bottles up in a perfect line on top of some brown paper. He grabbed his wand from where it laid on the table in front of him, waving it over the bottles wordlessly. You watched with wide eyes as the parcel paper wrapped itself around the bottles neatly, tightly packaging the bottles together with a piece of string sealing it up. “Why did you want a job here?”

“I’ve always wanted to see the castle and it was time for me to get a job.” You shrugged, putting the rag you used to clean the table in a cold bucket of water Mark had gotten for you to clean with. “My parents run the local bakery and they wanted me to work for them, which I really didn’t want to do.” You paused momentarily before continuing with a soft laugh. “Also, my little brother was starting to get on my nerves too much, so it was time to go.” He laughed, picking up the parcel and tucking his wand into the waistband of his trousers.

“I’m going to deliver this to Prince Jeno, you can stay here but don’t touch anything if it’s in a glass bottle.” He kept his eyes on you for a few moments before disappearing up the rounded staircase, the sound of a door creaking open and shutting echoing throughout the room. You thought a lot about Mark whilst he was gone, his chiselled face burned into your retinas as you walked around the room, reading the labels on the glass bottles dotted around the room. You looked at the ones Mark had just placed back into the large cabinet. One really stood out to you, and you wondered why Mark had just used wolfsbane in a potion he was delivering to the prince. This was something you knew you’d have to ask him when the time was right.

---

Your first week at the castle had been probably one of the best weeks of your life. Mark had taken you under his wing and he was actually enjoying your company more than what he thought he would. His potion room had never looked as clean as what it did after you’d blitzed the place, and he found it much easier to find the things he needed now he didn’t have to rummage through piles of rubbish and empty bottles he didn’t need anymore. You also helped him make potions more than what you had originally thought you would have. He hadn’t admitted it to you yet, but he loved the way your face would light up when he handed you an ingredient to put into the boiling liquid. Where you would help him with his potion brewing, he would also help you with cleaning up his mess, the two of you working perfectly in sync and your partnership becoming the best in the castle despite it only being a week in the making.

You stood beside Mark once again, the small cauldron bubbling in front of you with a large book open beside it on the table. He hesitated his hand over the deep emerald liquid, his fingers pinched together holding the fine hair of a horses tail between them. He took a deep breath and dropped the hair into the cauldron, the bubbles in the liquid coming to a stop. The substance was eerily still for a few seconds, and as if Mark knew what was coming, he grabbed you and pulled you into his chest, his arms wrapped around you tightly, quickly turning his back on the cauldron and muttering something in a language you’d never heard before. Just then, the entire cauldron blew up, the boiling liquid that should have burnt you both completely missing you as if an invisible shield was around you. You flinched as the ear-splitting bang shocked you, huddling into Mark’s chest in fright of the unknown. You gulped, wondering why you never felt anything hitting you, but you put two and two together and figured it was a spell that Mark muttered to protect you both.

“Sorry…” He mumbled, staring down into your scared looking eyes momentarily, before plucking you from his grip and turning to look at the devastation on the table. There wasn’t much left of the cauldron, and his book was covered in the liquid that was no longer emerald and instead now resembled water.

“How did that happen?” You felt your heartbeat slow back to its normal pace; your eyes wide in curiosity. You moved to touch the open book on the table, but Mark reached out fast and grabbed your wrist, his fingers feeling warm against your skin and causing a butterfly to flap its wings in your stomach.

“Don’t touch it yet, it’s not like normal water it doesn’t cool down fast, it will still be hot you have to let it cool.” He let go of you and ran his hand through his hair, making his black locks messy. “I must have put the wrong ingredient in.” He sighed, looking annoyed at himself, his tongue poking into his cheek as he thought about it over and over again in his mind. You thought back to how he hesitated before dropping the hair into the potion.

“Did you know putting the hair in it would do that?” You raised an eyebrow at him, crossing your arms over your chest as if accusing him. He looked at you with innocent eyes, biting his bottom lip before smiling coyly.

“Yes, I did, but I was following the instructions in the book.” He took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes before placing them back onto the bridge of his nose. “I did wonder why it wanted me to use horsehair with rose roots when they don’t react well together…” You leaned over the book and read the instructions that Mark had been following.

“It doesn’t say horsehair in here Mark…” You giggled, looking at the wizard stood beside you who now had a frown on his face, brought out of his thoughts by your words. “It says hares’ hair, but the writing it kind of smudged so I can see why you got it muddled.” You’d never seen someone’s face go as violently red as what Mark’s as fast as what it did. He rushed to look at the words and his mouth popped open when he saw you were correct. You laughed at his expression, holding your hands over your mouth to supress your laughter.

“I am so stupid…” He grumbled, slamming the tattered book shut and shoving it back on the bookshelf, his face still glowing red and his mouth trying to fight the wide smile it was so desperately trying to form.

“Who even wrote that book?” You started to tidy up the room, grabbing a clean cloth and wiping down the surfaces that the liquid had hit.

“It was already here when I came.” He started to help you clean as he spoke, his cheeks now pinker than red as his embarrassment dwindled. “It belonged to the witch who worked here before me.”

“What happened to her?” You’d heard the rumours amongst the civilians in the town, some saying she was murdered, others saying she died from one of her own concoctions, and after seeing what just happened to the potion Mark was making you were starting to believe the latter.

“Erm…” Mark gulped, his actions halting momentarily at your question. “She d-died.” He stuttered out, moving across the room and suddenly finding his cabinet of bottles interesting.

“I know that, but how did she die? And didn’t she have a son?” You followed him, knowing he was trying to escape you to avoid the question, but you weren’t letting him go without some answers.

“She was killed by someone and the son ran away, okay?” You heard the desperation in his voice for you to drop the subject. You suspected he was lying to you, but you didn’t want to push him too hard to tell you the truth. You simply shrugged and dropped the subject, going back to working quietly. Mark watched as you worked, feeling guilty for lying to you but not wanting to put you in danger by telling you the truth.

---

The heat from the castle’s greenhouse was causing your skin to perspire. Your maid uniform with its thick fabric wasn’t exactly fit for heat like this, but you assumed whoever made the clothes didn’t expect a maid to be inside of the greenhouse anyway. It didn’t help that the weather had done a complete turnaround from the bought of coldness the kingdom had been subject to. The sun now boring down every day and making everyone uncomfortable under its heat. The enrichments of colours dotted around the glass house brought a feeling of warmth to you, it reminded you of the flowers your mother had planted outside of the bakery in hopes it would look more welcoming for the people of the town. She was right, it gave the place a new lease of life that the morbid colours of wood didn’t do, and your parents found a higher demand in their baked goods.

You missed your parents, and dare you say it, your little brother too. It had been two months since you packed up your bags and set off for a new life in the castle, but you had enjoyed nearly every moment so far. You missed the smell freshly baked pies, the sound of your mothers singing, and the way your father would scold your brother when he was being irritating. You hadn’t seen them since you’d left, but you’d received letters from them in which they told you they were doing well and that they love and miss you. You’d also sent them letters saying the same things and telling them stories of your life working with the castles wizard that you knew they’d have a chuckle at.

You knew you had it easier than some of the maids you worked alongside, but they didn’t have Mark making their job easy and fun like you did. You didn’t envy the maids who worked in close proximity to the royal family. You would hear stories passed from person to person about how the King and the Prince were absolute nightmares to tend to. The Queen on the other hand, you’d heard was a kind individual, very easy to get along with and hated putting people out of their way to do a task for her. The only member of the family that you had met and spoken to was the King’s niece, she was a bubbly person who would take time out of her day to speak to the staff of the castle and ask them many questions she had. She was very beautiful and fit the princess role perfectly. There were more royals that lived underneath the roof of the castle, but you didn’t know how they were related to the King or Queen. You’d personally never met the King, Queen, or Prince, and had only seen them from afar once or twice when they’d walk around the castle grounds. If any of them needed Mark, they’d send a maid to fetch him and he’d leave you in his potion room on your own to continue with your chores, or he’d dismiss you and let you do whatever you wanted to do with you free time.

You found yourself spending most of your free time with the dark-haired, doe eyed boy, he made you laugh and was the person you could trust the most inside of the castle walls. You could trust Seulgi and the other maids, but you knew a lot of gossip and rumours would be spread amongst them, also Seulgi was busy working in close quarters with the royal family, so she never had time to spend with you. You and Mark had spent many hours just talking about your lives prior to working for the royal family, and you’d found out a lot about Mark’s family that you never knew from the words spread throughout the town. Hearing his stories of spells and potions that have gone wrong never failed to bring a smile to your face and a laugh to leave your mouth. He enjoyed making you laugh, seeing the way your face lit up and the way your eyes bore into his own when you were immersed in his stories spurred him on to tell you more and more about his life. You probably knew more about him than anyone else in the castle at this point, but he didn’t care, as long as it kept you smiling and happy then Mark would tell you everything.

“What did Mark say he needed?” You mumbled to yourself as you walked through the rows of vegetables imbedded in the ground. Mark had left you alone with a verbal list of plants and vegetables he needed to craft a healing potion for a sickness one of the staff members had caught during their trip to the town. He was only going to quickly grab a basket from the kitchen as he’d destroyed the last one, he had in his potion room, but he was taking a lot longer than you thought he would have. The glass door swung open and hit the glass wall of the greenhouse with a loud smash, causing you to spin towards it with a loud gasp. Your heart raced and eyes wide in surprise at the sight of Prince Jeno stood in the shards of glass littered across the floor. You noticed the door was completely destroyed in its metal frame, and the wall hard a large crack imprinted into the glass. You were speechless, unsure what to say to the royal upon your first meeting. You’d only ever seen him in the paintings that littered the castle walls, only recognising him because of that. He was panting as if he was out of breath from running, his pale skin glistening under the sun from how much he was sweating with his jet-black hair stuck to his forehead. You’d never seen him this close before, but you could have sworn he had deep brown eyes, not the glowing amber ones he currently was staring at you with.

“Where is he?” He barked at you, stumbling towards you as he struggled to keep his body upright. He was gripping at his abdomen like he was in pain, his eyes scrunching shut and a whine leaving his parted lips. “Where’s Mark?” His voice was demanding, and he sounded angry despite his pained look.

“I-I don’t know your highness.” You snapped out of your trance and gulped, the nervousness at being in his presence shining through in your stutter words. “Let me help you.” You went to approach him, but he held a hand out in front of him to stop you in your tracks.

“Don’t come any closer!” He growled, his face screwing up once more. “Get Mark…NOW!” His command had you confused; he’d told you not to get close to him, yet he was blocking the only exit as he stood in the doorway. Before you could say anything though, your expression turned from confusion into utter shock and disbelief, you were frozen on the spot as the beautiful prince in front of you transformed into a wolf so big that he could no longer fit in the doorframe of the greenhouse. Luckily he’d lurched forward and was no longer in the doorway, instead a wolf with fur as dark as the princes’ hair was stood in front of you, panting and staring at you with the amber eyes the prince had been previously staring at you with. You felt the blood draining from your face in your fright and tentatively you stood a shaky step backwards, not sure whether any movement would cause the wolf to attack you. The wolf took a step forward in sync with your step backwards, the fear rushing through you so fast your eyes rolled into the back of your head and the world in front of you went black.

---

You woke in sheets softer than you remember your own sheets being. Your eyes were met with a canopy above the bed which you certainly did not have on your own bed, which lead you to believe you were in someone else’s room. Your mind felt hazy, and your head pounded with the unwelcome feeling of a headache. You groaned, squeezing your eyes shut as a wave of pain shot through your head. When you closed your eyes, you saw familiar looking amber orbs in your memory. You shot your eyes open again, and you saw Seulgi leaning over you.

“Hey (Y/N)…” She smiled softly, her hand gently stroking your head, bringing comfort to you despite how your heart thumped in your chest at the gruelling memory. You moved to sit up and she rearranged the pillows for you to sit against. You relaxed against the pillows, looking at her with questioning eyes. She sighed, taking your hand in her own, she was clearly thinking hard about what she was going to say. In the end she shook her head and stood up. “I’m going to get Mark; he can explain it to you okay?” You simply nodded in reply and she left the room, shutting the door gently behind her. You glanced around the room, it was an upgrade from your own room, but not classy enough to be the room of a royal. You noticed a lack of windows, so you knew the room was underground like your own was. The bed was a double bed, the duvet was a navy blue, with white pillows and a white sheet adorning the mattress. There was a wardrobe in the corner beside a large bookshelf, a desk and chair situated next to that. It was the black cloak hanging from the wardrobe door that told you this was Mark’s bedroom. As you scanned the room looking for more clues to back your theory of it being Mark’s chambers, the door slowly creaked open. Mark slowly entered the room, giving you a weak smile as he gently shut the door behind him. He looked stressed; his hair messy from where he’d been running his hands through it waiting for you to wake up. He was missing his glasses and his eyes looked tired, his cheeks tinted red and his white button up shirt had the top two buttons popped open.

“Hey.” He approached the bed, sitting down facing you on the edge of it. You felt a sense of security now that Mark was in your presence, knowing he was powerful enough with his magic alone to stop anyone or anything from hurting you.

“Mark what the hell is going on?” Your stared at him with desperation for answers in your eyes. He took a deep breath, his hand finding your own and lacing his fingers together with yours tenderly. This took you by surprise. Mark had never held your hand before, but you liked the way his warm hand enveloped your own. He let out a sigh, looking you in the eye before directing his attention down to your linked hands.

“Prince Jeno was cursed, he turns into a werewolf and sometimes he can’t help it.” His thumb gently rubbed against the back of your hand and he glanced up at your face. “He isn’t as bad as what he used to be, he only phases now when he gets really angry or upset about something. He used to change every full moon and when the slightest thing affected him.” He noticed that your face hadn’t changed at all, so he kept on talking. “I brew a specific potion for him, that’s why he can control his changes easier.”

“So why did he change in front of me?” You query, wondering if you’d done something to push the prince over the edge enough for him to change.

“He’d had an argument with the King and he accidentally smashed the bottles containing the potion, so he had no way of controlling himself, that’s why he was looking for me.” He lifted your hand up in his own, hesitating for a moment before placing a gentle kiss to the back of your hand. Your heart fluttered at the gesture, and you hoped Mark didn’t notice that your palm was starting to get sweaty. “It wasn’t your fault, and he would never hurt you. Actually, after you fainted, he had controlled himself and he was the one who came to find me to tell me that you’d passed out.” He paused momentarily, biting his bottom lip before taking another deep breath. “I was so worried when I saw you, I didn’t even know what to do at first. (Y/N) you mean a lot to me.” He stopped again, clearly trying to find a way to word what he was about to tell you. “I really like you, more than a friend or colleague kind of way.” He gulped, clearly finished with his words and waiting for you to say something.

You felt a fire start inside of you, you’d always admired Mark and you really enjoyed spending time with him. But you’d never taken a step back to analyse think if you liked him in that way. Staring up into his nervous eyes you could see yourself falling in love with the slightly awkward man. The way his touch was making you feel and how his presence in general made you feel coming together like a puzzle in your mind. You smiled at him, your cheeks heating up and head tilting to look at your joined hands in your sudden shyness.

“I like you too.”

“Ha that’s cool.” He smiled widely, his awkwardness coming out in his words as he didn’t really know how to process what was going on. “I mean, yeah er…can I kiss you?” You looked into his eyes, nodding eagerly and hoping he couldn’t hear the pounding of your heartbeat as it raced with excitement. He untangled your fingers, shuffling forward on the bed so he was closer to you. He gingerly placed his hand on your warm to the touch cheek, gulping before leaning in close to you. You let your eyes slide shut, waiting patiently for him to finally connect your lips in a kiss you didn’t realise you’d been waiting for, for while now. He brushed his lips against your own before placing them timidly onto your own. His lips were softer than you imagined, the kiss being mellow, and it left you feeling like if he pulled away too soon, you’d have a mental break down. He moved his lips against yours for what seemed like hours but in reality, it was only a few minutes before his tongue grazed along your lower lip. You granted him access, opening up your lips and letting his tongue slide into your mouth, it pushing against your own tongue and exploring your mouth. You whined into the kiss Mark was providing, his other hand coming to rest against your waist with a tight grip. He slowed the kiss down, withdrawing his tongue and leaving one last kiss to your lips before he pulled away. You subconsciously chased after his lips but stopped yourself when you realised, gulping down your desire for him.

“Where did you learn to kiss like that?” You found yourself asking with a soft giggle. He blushed and looked down, his tongue poking into his cheek in bashfulness. You winced when the headache decided to remind you of its presence like an unwanted fly buzzing around your head.

“Are you okay?” Mark worried immediately, taking your face in his hands and tilting your head to scan over your features.

“Headache.” You mumbled, closing your eyes as the light from the torches in the room were causing it to flare up worse.

“Stay here, I’ve got something to stop it.” He laid a soft kiss to your forehead before standing up. He tucked the covers over your body and rushed to leave the room. When the door closed you tried to ignore the pain you felt, giddy over your first kiss with Mark.

---

It had been two days since the incident with Prince Jeno. After resting for the days in between, Mark had finally given you permission to continue on with your life as normal. You’d started the day off by cleaning up the mess Mark had managed to make in his work room during your absence. Mark wasn’t in the castle today; he hadn’t told you why he was away but had let you know he’d be back before sundown. This left you to do whatever you wanted to do in whatever order you wanted to do it in. Not that Mark ever bossed you around, but it was nice to clean without having him hovering over your shoulder watching you and offering to help. Mark had worked while you were recovering, but he hadn’t done as much work as he normally would, because every two hours he’d go to check up on you in your room. He’d also surprised you with a small bunch of daffodils to brighten up your dark candlelit room. He’d enhanced the petals so that they had a sparkly purple dusting over the soft yellow colour. It warmed your heart that he went to such an effort just to make you feel better.

After cleaning the entirety of Mark’s work room in record time, you decided to get some fresh air. The crispness of the cool breeze feeling like it gave you a new life under the hot sun beating down on your face the moment you stepped outside. You wondered around the castle grounds, strolling through the beautiful gardens until you found yourself at the large pond. You sat down on the dry grass, sitting on your knees and hoping that your uniform didn’t get any dry mud dusted onto the black material. The water rippled from the life underneath it, water lilies and lily pad’s decorating the surface of the pond as dragonflies danced around each other above them. You closed your eyes, letting out a content sigh at the serenity and beauty of the castle garden when someone cleared their throat behind you. You jumped in surprise, turning around quickly to see who was behind you. You saw Prince Jeno stood behind you wearing a loose, white silk shirt that had the top two buttons unbuttoned, it having slightly puffy long sleeves that closed around his wrists, tucked into a pair of tight black trousers with a pair of shiny polished shoes. You jumped up immediately, nearly losing your balance in your haste but managing to stay upright as you turned to face him. You bowed deeply to him, a pang of anxiety running through you at the sight of him for the first time since you’d found out his secret and he’d caused you to faint.

“Prince Jeno,” You greeted, looking him in the eyes before your eyes fell to the large bouquet of white roses he was holding in his hands, the roses held together by white silk wrapped around them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you’d be out here today; I’ll leave.” You bowed again to him, about to walk past him when he hurriedly spoke.

“No! please stay,” He bowed his head to you, clearing his throat again. He showed signs of nervousness, his hand running through his jet-black hair to push the long locks off of his forehead, his eyes kept darting around the scenery before meeting you own, only to repeat again as he tried to avoid eye contact. In the end he bit the bullet, his piercing brown eyes finding your own and holding your stare. “I came here to see you.”

“How did you know I’d be here?” You raised an eyebrow, not really thinking before asking the prince that question. You winced when you realised you probably shouldn’t be asking him questions. A smile graced his beautiful face, a soft laugh leaving his lips before he spoke.

“I followed your scent. Wolf senses.” He tapped the side of his nose and huffed a laugh again as your eyes widened.

“My scent?” You tilted your head, partially worried that you smelt bad.

“Yes, you won’t be able to smell it because you’re a human. But everyone has their own scent, so I just followed that and here we are.” He noticed your concerned face and chuckled. “You smell good don’t worry.”

“Oh…” You smiled softly, rocking on your heels with your hands behind your back as you tried to not feel awkward around him, the elephant in the room not having been addressed yet.

“Anyway, I wanted to personally apologise to you about what happened. I don’t really remember it much; the memories are foggy before I phased because I was kind of in a haze. But I do remember shouting at you and how you tried to help me. So, thank you for that. I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t mean to make you faint like that. I hope you’re okay now though?” He sounded sincere, it being a complete contrast to the Prince you’d met in the greenhouse days prior. Granted this time he wasn’t on the cusp of turning into a giant wolf. You nodded quickly and smiled.

“I’m fine, thank you for your concern your highness.”

“Good…oh these are for you.” He held out the flowers to you, a shy smile on his face with his cheeks heating up a slight pink. When you didn’t step forward to receive the flowers his smile fell a little. “You’re scared of me…” You opened your mouth to speak but he beat you to it. “I would never hurt you, I’m still me even when I’m in my wolf form. You don’t have to be frightened of me; I have complete control of myself 90% of the time.” You immediately stepped forward, accepting the flowers from him with both hands.

“I’m sorry, I’ve just never experienced that before. These are beautiful, thank you.” You bowed again, not sure if you were over doing it with the bowing but the last thing you wanted to do was upset or disrespect the Prince.

“Do you mind if I sit with you for a while?” He asked, coming to stand beside you and facing the pond, not waiting for your reply as he threw himself into a seated position on the floor, his legs crossed and his arm supporting him from behind.

“Of course not.” You sat beside him on your knees, placing the flowers on the floor beside you and placing your hands in your lap.

“You can relax you know.” He laughed as he saw how stiff you were sat in his presence. “Please, I just want to feel normal for 10 minutes.” His voice held a slight emotional tone to it that anyone would miss if it wasn’t for how much you were paying attention to him. You quickly rearranged yourself to sit with your legs crossed. “So,” He looked at you and you couldn’t quite believe how stunning he was. His skin was perfect, and he had such a boyish and handsome face. “Mark talks about you all the time.” He had a cheeky smile on his face, his bottom lip between his teeth as he waited for you to spill the gossip to him about his trusted friend.

“He does?” You raised an eyebrow, your cheeks heating up at the mention of your new boyfriend.

“Yep, he’s smitten. It’s rather sweet actually, and yes he did tell me that you two are now a couple.”

“What else does he say about me?” You were curious to hear what Mark had been saying to one of the royals about you.

“He constantly goes on about how beautiful you are, which I must admit, he’s not wrong.” The Prince winked at you which caused your heart to plummet through you. You had never expected the Prince to be such a flirt, but you knew he was only being playful though. Which you assumed was rare due to not many people having good things to say about him. He’d also admitted to wanting to be normal for a short period of time, so you could only assume he didn’t let many people see this side of him.

“Thank you.” You thought it was only polite to accept his compliment, bowing your head in appreciation before training your eyes on a butterfly floating past you gracefully.

“Oh I almost forgot!” You turned to face him again, his smile reaching his eyes and making his them turn into half-moons. His face then suddenly fell, his eyes turning a bright amber colour. “Hurt Mark, and you’ll have me to answer to.” You could have sworn a little bit of urine leaked out of you in that moment, but then his eyes were back to their normal brown, a laugh leaving his lips and his eyes crinkling up again. “I’m only playing with you,” With that he pushed himself up onto his feet, his hand gently touching your shoulder. “I must be going, if you need anything please don’t hesitate to come find me.”

“Thank you, your highness.” You smiled up at him, feeling more comfortable being in his presence now that you knew despite all the rumours about him being a cold, harsh prince, he actually had a sense of humour and a soft side.

“Please, just call me Jeno when it’s the two of us. Goodbye (Y/N).” He patted your shoulder and made his leave. You glanced down at the roses beside you, your heart warming at how beautiful they were and how he went out of his way to deliver them personally to you. You then remembered what he said about Mark and a blush raised on your cheeks. You had no idea that Mark spoke about you to other people, especially the prince. You were happy that Mark had someone he could confined in within the castle walls though.

---

Since establishing your relationship with Mark, you can surely say life at the castle has been different. A lot of the maids now approached you as if you were higher ranked than them, which confused you to say the least, considering your job role hadn’t changed at all. You spoke to Seulgi about it and she brushed it off as them making sure to be on your good side, as many wizard’s can be very protective over people they love. You’d also found out people thought this way because of the son of the last witch who lived in the castle. Apparently, his mother was murdered by order of the king for some unknown reason, which is what lead him to curse Prince Jeno. Now it made sense to you why he’d ran away.

You didn’t know whether to tell Mark about your encounter with Prince Jeno, but when he’d come to your room and saw the extravagant bouquet of roses making his little bunch of daffodils look small in comparison, you had to explain to him how you’re acquired them and who from. He was shocked that Jeno had reached out an olive branch to you, stating it was out of character for him to do that. You noted the hint of jealousy in Marks voice as he said “Nice flowers though…”

In your free time Mark would now take you on dates. Your first official date was to the town, where he’d surprised you by taking you to the bakery your parents owned. Your heart felt so full of love and contentment that day when you got to see your parents for the first time in months and introduce your new boyfriend to them. You guess seeing your brother was alright too, (you had hugged him and squeezed him super tight). Every other date after that was just as romantic as the first, but you weren’t sure he would ever be able to top the thoughtfulness behind the first date. It had been a month of dating Mark and you were already 100% sure you were head over heels in love with the slightly awkward, shy, but completely lovable man. He showered you in love and affection and made sure you knew how he felt towards you daily.

It was your day off, so you got dressed into a pale blue knee length dress and a matching long cardigan, slipping on your comfy shoes when you saw a stray piece of parchment on the floor. It looked like it had been slipped through the gap at the bottom of your bedroom door.

Good morning my angel, meet me in the courtyard when you wake up.

Your love, Mark.

You smiled as your stared at his slightly messy handwriting, rereading his words multiple times as your heart soared. You did wonder why he wanted to meet in the courtyard though. You hadn’t been there many times but every time you’d been there, guards were training or Jisung had been mulling around in his free time. You’d gotten to know the young guard very well, but never had the heart to ask why they had someone as young as him guarding the front gate when most of the knights and guards were twice the size of him and looked like they had experience behind their belt. He was a total sweetheart and he got excited about things very quickly. There was a time when you’d baked cookies in the castle kitchen for Mark, but you encountered Jisung on the way to deliver them to Mark, so you gave Jisung a cookie and he acted like a child being given a crown.

As much as you like Jisung, you hoped Mark was alone in the courtyard. You walked to the courtyard with a skip in your step, greeting anyone you came across politely. The hot breeze hit you as you walked through the exit, the sun beating down on your exposed skin causing you to squint until your eyes adjusted to the sudden light. You navigated your way to the courtyard, walking past the gardens and greenhouse, your skin starting to dampen under the sun much to your dismay. You heard Mark’s voice as you neared the courtyard, his voice uncharacteristically loud as you could hear his words clearly from around the corner.

“You have to leave, please!” He sounded like he was begging whoever was stood beside him. You didn’t hear anyone respond to him, so you assumed they’d wordlessly left the courtyard. You brushed down any creases that had formulated in your dress, putting on a sweet smile as you rounded the corner. Before you laid your eyes on Mark, your eyes had glued themselves onto the creature that was too big to ignore. It was then that you realised Mark had been talking to the gigantic dragon beside him. The sheer size of the dragon made Mark look like a toddler in comparison. It had an ombre of different shades of red scales, its folded wings as black as a night sky that was void of any stars, and its golden eyes trained on your stilled figure. You gulped in fright, having only ever heard bad things and horror stories about dragons. Not once had you ever heard a story that started with ‘The great dragon who didn’t eat people’. You remember one particular story told to you by the seamstress in the town, about a dragon who had destroyed a whole village with only two breaths of fire leaving its throat.

Taking a step back on instinct, you remembered that Mark was still stood beside the dragon, your eyes finding his. He looked panicked as he watched you, his eyes wide and mouth parted like he wanted to speak but couldn’t find the right words to explain what was going on. He was monitoring your reaction, trying to figure out how you were coping with seeing a dragon in the flesh for the first time. Mark had clearly not planned for this dragon to be there when you arrived.

“(Y/N),” He spoke up timidly, holding a hand out to you as a silent encouragement to join him. “it’s okay, he won’t hurt you.” You thought back to seeing Prince Jeno turn into a wolf in front of you, that suddenly feeling like nothing now you were stood in the eyesight of one of the most dangerous creatures known to man. You’d take an angsty wolf over a dragon any day. Mark opened his mouth to speak again, but before any words could leave his mouth, the dragon took two steps towards you, its body looming over you and blocking your view from the sun, a shadow casting over you as a result. Although, you didn’t think that it was the heat from the sun that was causing you to sweat anymore. It, or as Mark had addressed it as, he, dipped his head down to your level. His face getting closer to you by the second. You could feel your heart start to beat faster in your chest, a wave of chills rippled through your body, and your palms started to get clammy from the anxiety coursing through your system. The dragon puffed some air from his nose, like it was letting out a sigh. You felt your hair and dress flutter from the gust of air hitting you, just as Mark tried to approach you. He wasn’t able to though, the heavy tail of the dragon slamming hard onto the ground between the you and Mark, separating you both. You flinched at the loud noise, gulping from having your security blanket of a boyfriend blocked from you.

“Mark what’s he doing?” You voice was shaky from the anxiety you had bubbling in your stomach like a boiling potion that Mark brewed, ready for it to explode at any moment.

“He’s pl-” Mark was cut off by the low growling of the giant beast beside you overpowering the sound of his voice, it sounding like it was rumbling throughout its entire body. The dragon bared his teeth at you, lowering his head down until he was at eye-level with you, his eyes narrowing at you as if he was ready to attack you at any given moment. Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill over the brim of your eyes as you stared at the beast, its mouth opening with the light of fire building in the back of its throat. Your fight or flight mode suddenly kicked in, adrenaline sparking up in your veins and causing your legs to take off before your brain had even processed what your body was doing. You didn’t hear Mark calling out to you as you ran, too in your own head to notice his frantic shouts. You ran out of the courtyard the way you came in, dashing through the castle grounds and back inside the castle.

“(Y/N)?” Seulgi caught your arm as you went to run past her, stopping you instantly. “What’s wrong?” You gulped, trying to catch your breath as your started to hyperventilate from what you’d just experienced. Everything that happened with Prince Jeno came rushing back into your mind, it all hitting boiling point as bursting inside of you. You weren’t used to things like this happening, you came from a quiet family in a part of the town where not much crime happened and any creatures other than human were rare.

“Dragon.” You managed to squeak out between soft sobs leaving your lips, your hands running through your hair in your distress.

“Oh! Hey that’s ju-” You didn’t let her finish, shaking your head and pulling your arm away from her hold.

“I can’t stay here anymore. I’m going, I-I can’t.” You mumbled in a frenzy, turning away from her to run down the hall to your room. After you’d left her, she’d hurried down the halls to find Mark, poking her head in multiple rooms he could be in as she didn’t know his whereabouts. She finally found him as he jogged into the castle, sweaty dripping off of his forehead and a worried expression marred on his face.

“Mark!” She called out, gaining his attention quickly as he approached her. It was then that she noticed that he had Jisung trailing behind him looking like a scolded child, his head tilted down and fingers knotted together.

“Have you seen (Y/N)?” Mark’s adams apple bobbed as he gulped, his hands shaking slightly as he brushed the hair off of his damp forehead.

“Yeah she came running through here in a complete state! Jisung what did you do?!” She frowned at the young boy, his head sinking into his shoulders like he knew he was about to be scolded more.

“I was only playing…” He mumbled in a soft voice, his lips coming out into a natural pout as he tried to defend himself. Seulgi opened her mouth, about to yell at Jisung when Mark held his hand up to her.

“Don’t. I’ve already shouted at him enough.” Despite the fact that Jisung had really frightened you in an immature act, Mark still had a soft spot for the boy, and didn’t see much point in Seulgi just repeating everything that he’d already shouted at him. “Where is she?”

“She ran that way, I’m assuming she’s gone to her room.” She pointed down the hall to where you’d retreated to.

“Thank you, Jisung, stay with Seulgi, you can apologise to (Y/N) later.” He pointed his finger at Jisung to show the severity of his words, then turned to Seulgi and nodded in appreciation at her for sharing your possible whereabouts with him.

“Mark, she wants to leave, you need to hurry before she goes.” He nodded again, taking off in a run down the hall to where the maids’ quarters were situated. He ran down the stairs and along the long hallway to your door, not bothering to knock before he burst through the door. He let out a sigh as he was met to an empty room, all of your belongings and the backpack you used to bring everything in was gone.

“Fuck.” He mumbled, dashing back down the hall and up the stairs. He stopped for a moment, racking his brain for ideas of your whereabouts until an idea spark in his head. He remembered the crystal ball he rarely used tucked in the back of one of his cupboards. He knew if he used it correctly, he would be able to see you and use it for clues as to where you were. He sprinted, ignoring the burning in his lungs, passing his potion room, and hurrying down a flight of stairs, almost tripping in his haste, before bursting into the room that he used as his bedroom. He paused when he saw you hurrying to stuff what he recognised to be one of your books that you’d leant him into your already full bag.

“(Y/N)!” He rushed over to you, noticing your tear streaked and flushed face which made his heart sink. Without thinking he grabbed your bag, tearing it out of your hands with a hard tug and throwing it onto the floor. “You can’t leave me.” He shook his head, tears building up in his own eyes as his eyes bore into your own.

“I have to go; I can’t stay here something will end up killing me Mark!” He went to reach for your bag, his hands coming out and gripping both of your wrists to restrict you.

“No. Please, I can’t lose you over something this stupid.” His voice cracked, his throat drying up and stinging from the emotions he was feeling.

“It’s not stupid! I’m scared. I don’t want to be here anymore, let me go.” You tried to pull away from Mark, but his grip got tighter, desperation coursing through him as he refused to let you go.

“It is stupid!!! The dragon is Jisung, he was being stupid and trying to scare you because he was bored (Y/N). He’s a dragon hybrid, he wouldn’t ever hurt you, if anything him being here means you’re safer than you could ever be in the town without him.” He tried to think of all the words he could say to change your mind, his heart cracking at the thought of you leaving him. The desperation in his eyes was hurting your heart, you hated that his was upsetting to him, but you couldn’t help the flight mode you were currently in. “I’ve already told him off, please you can’t just go! What about me huh? Were you just going to go without even telling me?” He sniffed back his tears, letting out a breath as he tried to cope with the horrible thoughts going through his head. You looked down, knowing the answer to his question but not wanting to admit it to him.

“What about when Jeno just turned into a fucking wolf in front of me Mark?! Every time I think I’m safe another person I think is normal turns into a creature that could kill me without a second thought! I don’t want to live in fear!” You diverted the conversation away from what he’d asked you, instead trying to justify your reasons to leave because as your adrenaline dwindled you started to realise how stupid and dramatic you were being.

“You know damn well I would die before I let anything hurt you…do you not trust me?” A lone tear fell onto his cheek, his eyes bloodshot from his emotions taking over him.

“I’m sorry Mark.” You whispered, stepping closer to him until you were chest to chest with him. You looked up into his eyes, noting the hurt behind them as he gazed into your own eyes. He let go of your wrists, slowly moving his hands up over your arms to your hips. He blinked, another round of tears cascading onto his red cheeks. He swallowed his emotions down and let out a sigh. “I’m not going anywhere.” You whispered, cupping his cheeks in your palms and wiping his tears away with your thumbs. He nodded, not trusting his voice and instead opting to lean down and place a lingering kiss onto your lips. You kissed back, the kiss tasting salty from yours or his tears, you couldn’t tell who they belonged to. He tilted his head to the side, kissing your more passionately and not waiting for permission to force his tongue into your mouth. He brushed his tongue against your own and his hands held onto your hips with a strong grip. You let out a soft whimper into his mouth, your hands coming to rest on his shoulders as he pulled you flush against him, his mouth moving frantically against yours like your kisses were what was keeping him alive. He stopped kissing you, his lips just a hairs width away from your own as he panted, trying to catch his breath from your heated kiss.

“I love you, never leave me.” He whispered, his lips finding yours again in a very brief but soft kiss. One thing you’d heard from the whispers that went around the castle was that wizards could be naturally clingy to their significant others. People suspected it was the constant danger that they possessed within their own powers that caused them to be this way when they cared for someone. Mark had shown this within your month-long relationship. He had cared for you more than anyone, apart from your parents, ever had. And you also found that wherever you went, Mark would be not far from you ready to protect you if he had to. There one time when you thought you were walking down the castle halls alone. You’d tripped on a bunched-up bit of rug and had nearly face planted the floor when a sudden force made you feel weightless and situated you up right again. You hadn’t seen Mark around, but you knew for a fact that you not falling was because of his handy work.

“Never,” You pressed your lips to his again, kissing him with heat behind the kiss as you held onto his shoulders. “I love you too.” You mumbled between kisses. He smiled into the kiss momentarily before backing you up to his bed. He reluctantly pulled away from the kiss to lay you on his bed on your back, climbing over you when he was sure you were comfortable with your head rested against his plush pillows. You hadn’t yet had sex with Mark. Sure, you’d made out with him, but the kisses had mostly been reserved and had been stopped by him after his hands started to wander. He pressed his body to yours; his body weight being held up by your own body with the help of his forearms pressed to pillows on either side of your head. His kisses trailed from your lips, to your jaw, and finally found their stop at your neck. He started off with laying soft, wet kisses to your neck, then he started to suck at your hot skin. You felt arousal spark within your heat, butterflies tumbling around in your stomach as he stopped sucking and licked a stripe up your neck where he’d just made a dark bruise. He blew cool air against the bruise he’d just made, his eyes admiring his handy work at making his mark on you. Shivers ran down your spine from the cool air hitting your damp skin, causing you to squirm underneath him and roll your hips up into his, hinting at what you wanted him to do to you. He smirked, leaning back in and placing a lingering, timid kiss to you parted lips. He ground his hips against yours, and it was the first time you’d felt his own arousal against you. His hard bulge pressed against your covered centre and making a whine of want rip from your throat.

“Mark…” You whined in a breathy moan, wrapping your legs around his waist and cupping his cheeks in your hands, leading his lips back to your own. He pulled away after a moment, leaning his forehead against yours.

“Do you want this?” He whispered against your lips, his eyes still shut as he started to roll his hips into yours, not being able to stop himself as the friction against his hard length felt too good. You nodded, running your hands through his hair and connecting your lips once more. “I’ve never done this before, tell me if I hurt you.” He didn’t know whether you had done this before or not, he assumed you hadn’t, but in the moment, he was too shy to ask. He reluctantly sat back on his knees, your parted legs falling either side of his own as he quickly unbuttoned his white shirt. He slipped it from his shoulders, and you smiled at the sight of his bare chest for the first time. He was beautiful, his muscles looking defined from the shadows of the light of the flickering candles. You noticed the dark trail of hair that lead into the confines of his black trousers, licking your lips in wonder at what he was packing underneath. You looked up at his face and noticed for the first time that something was missing.

“Where’s your glasses?” You tilted your head and raised an eyebrow, not used to seeing him without the pair of rounded glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. He paused, his eyes slightly wide and his mouth pursed.

“Er…” He looked around his room from his spot on the bed, squinting a little as if it would help before he shrugged. “I don’t actually know…” You giggled, sitting up and pecking his lips once. You started to unbutton the front of your dress, only the top half of it having buttons. The material fell from your shoulders, revealing your plain white bra underneath. It wasn’t anything special, most people only wore plain undergarments, but you’d heard people were starting to make pretty looking bras and panties from lace material. You hoped one day you could own something like that. Mark bit his bottom lip as he stared down at your chest, his heart beating faster and he felt more blood rush down south. He helped you slip the dress off your body, holding the material in his hands as he debated whether to fold it or not. He chose not to, throwing it to the floor before turning his attention back to you as you laid back against his pillows. He could see a damp patch on your panties, his throat feeling dry as he reached a finger out and ran it from the top of your panties to where the little wet spot was. You shuddered, subconsciously parting your legs wider. He shuffled out of his trousers, leaving him only in his white boxers. You could see the outline of his hard cock underneath them and you felt a buzz of excitement cause you to get wetter at the thought of him putting it inside of you.

“I haven’t done this before either.” You blurted out, a pang of nerves hitting you as he slowly pushed down his underwear, his hard cock springing up which is what had caused the little sparks of anxiety to flare up in you. The more you looked at it the more you were sure it would never fit inside of you. Mark let out a small sigh of relief at your confession, glad he didn’t have to live up to the expectation of another man on his first attempt, but also because the thought of another man seeing you in the same way Mark currently had his eyes on you, made him feel a little bit sick with jealousy. He leaned over you, motioning for you to arch your back so he could unclip your bra. He wrapped his arms around you and started to fiddle with the clasp, struggling to undo it with his shaky hands. You bit your bottom lip, your chest starting to shake from how you were holding in your laughter at his failure to open your bra. He groaned, stopping and sitting back on his knees. He snapped his fingers and as he did, the clasp popped open, leaving the material loose on your chest. Your mouth dropped open in surprise at his little trick.

“Impressive.” You smiled widely at him, his own mouth breaking out into a wide smile too.

“Thank you.” He winked, pulling the bra from your body and pausing before leaning down and taking one of your nipples into his mouth. You gasped at the unfamiliar feeling flushing through you as he sucked at your sensitive bud. His tongue swirled around your nipple, flicking at it before sucking it into his mouth again. He rolled his hips into yours, his cock rubbing against your clothed clit and giving you a pleasure you’d never felt before. He moved over and did the same to your other nipple, paying close attention to it until he descended down your torso, placing soft kisses to your stomach as he got further down. You lifted your hips and he slid your panties down your legs slowly, throwing them behind him without a care as he stared down at your glistening entrance. He gulped, pushing your legs up to your chest as he leaned in and tentatively licking from your hole up to your clit, lapping your juices up on his tongue and closing his eyes at your taste. You moaned quietly, biting your bottom lip as Mark leaned back in and flicked his tongue against your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Mark!” You gasped as he sucked on your clit, sliding a finger inside your wet walls, pumping it slowly in and out of you before adding another finger alongside it.

“Does it feel good baby?” He whispered against your folds, running his tongue over them repeatedly and nipping at them with his teeth. You nodded quickly, biting your bottom lip and humming in contentment. He smirked, pressing a kiss to your clit and pumping his fingers in you faster. He withdrew his fingers, climbing over you and pressing his chest to your own. He wrapped your legs around his waist and pressed his face into the crook of your neck, lining up his length to your hole. “Tell me if it hurts.” He pressed a kiss to your lips, leaving his lips lingering over yours as he nervously pressed into you. The slight pain you felt took your breath away, a soft gasp falling from your lips as you gripped onto his back. He paused for a second before continuing to push into you. You winced slightly, Mark’s lips finding yours to comfort you as he noticed the pained expression on your face. When he was fully sheathed inside of you, he waited until your posture relaxed. You let out a soft sigh, rubbing your hands on his back softly as a wordless hint that you were ready. “I love you.” He whispered against your lips, slowly pulling out of you only to push back inside of you slowly, repeating this multiple times until he had a slow, steady rhythm going.

“I love you too Mark.” You let out a gentle moan, tilting your head back as his thrusts become stronger, his confidence building the more he was making sure you were enjoying it. You weren’t sure for how long you and Mark were making love for; it could have been minutes or hours. But one thing you did know was how much you felt for him. He was gentle and kept asking you if you were okay, he gave you kisses and varied between fast thrusts and slow thrusts, dragging out the whole act so he could spend a longer time showing his love for you during the intimate act. He finished before you, drawn out, incoherent words falling from his lips as he tucked his head into the crook of your neck, his hips slamming into you one final time as he coated your walls with his load. He attempted to thrust into you more to finish you off, but the oversensitivity he felt made it impossible for him, so instead he pulled out of you and used his fingers to bring you to your high. You’d never experienced an orgasm before, and the one Mark provided you with made your toes curl, your back arch, and stars to fuzz your vision up. He looked proud of himself as you whimpered out his name, your pussy constricting on his fingers as he watched you in awe. You went to sleep that night, curled up in Mark’s arms feeling safer than you’d ever felt in your life.

---

Since you and Mark had hit another milestone in your relationship, you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. It had been two months since you made love for the first time, and since then you were stuck in what a lot of people would call the ‘honeymoon phase’. You would spend most of your nights in Mark’s bed, but you wouldn’t always be having sex. Some nights you would simply cuddle up under the candlelight with him whilst he told you stories he’d heard throughout his life, or you’d read a book while Mark wrote down his to-do list for the next day. You just loved being with Mark and found yourself infatuated with the quiet wizard. Although he wasn’t nearly as quiet around you as what he used to be. Mark was so wrapped up in you that he’d accidentally brewed the wrong potion for one of the maids who was suffering with a common cold, she ended up with pale white hair that was quite a comparison to the red hair she had before she drank the potion. Luckily. she wasn’t too mad, and Mark had brewed a perfect potion to fix the problem.

You walked into Mark’s work room, a feather duster in hand and a cheeky smile on your face as you got to the bottom of the rounded staircase. You spotted him immediately, stood by his small cauldron that was situated on his large table, his glasses sat on the bridge of his nose and his hair neat against his forehead, signs he was brewing a potion that didn’t stress him out. When Mark got stressed, he would run his hands through his hair, consequently messing up the dark looks and making them look untidy. He was wearing his normal uniform, a white shirt and black trousers, but today he opted for a short-sleeved shirt instead of his usual long sleeved ones.

“Is that for the Prince?” You approached him, laying the duster on the table and gently placing your hand on Mark’s arm, rubbing your fingers against his bare skin in circles. He turned to you and smiled, nodding his head before leaning down and pecking your lips lightly with his own as a way of greeting. “I saw him earlier actually, he mentioned that he needed more potion as tomorrow is a full moon and he’s completely out.”

“That’s why I’m making this for him now.” Mark chuckled and bumped his hip into yours. You rolled your eyes and wrapped your arms around his middle, nuzzling your head into his chest as you watched him continue to make the potion. He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out a sigh. “No, I did put eight elder wood berries in…yes I definitely did.” You heard him mumble to himself in doubt.

“If you get any spare time can you make more of that potion you make for me please?” You knew Mark would know what you meant without naming the potion. Since you’d started having sex with Mark regularly, he’d been making a particular potion that with one sip would prevent the chance of pregnancy after sex. It was a well-known potion amongst people in town that cost a lot of money, often leading to people forgoing it and ending up with a lot of kids they’d struggle to cloth and feed. Luckily for you, your boyfriend was a wizard, so you got all the sex and contraceptive juice for free.

“Yeah of course, I’ll start brewing it later, but it won’t be ready until tomorrow.” He looked at you and noticed your pout, a soft laugh leaving his lips. “You can go one night without sex.”

“Fine!” You sighed dramatically, picking up your feather duster and starting to dust around the room, purposely leaning over surfaces and watching Mark to see if he had his eyes on you. He didn’t, too focused on his job.

---

You and Mark had normally retired to his chambers by 9pm on his workdays. But you found yourself in his work room with him at 11:50pm, sat on his worktable as you waited for the potion he’d brewed for you to cool off before you could consume it. He’d promised it would be ready within the next 20 minutes, so you found yourself staring at his enchanted clock often, hoping the time would go quicker.

“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted time to go quicker than what I want it to now.” You mumbled against his lips, your hands having found their way into his untucked shirt as you trailed your fingertips over his abs, his stomach flexing as it tickled every now and then.

“I’ve never seen you so desperate before.” He laughed softly, connecting your lips and tangling his hands up in the locks of your hair. He pulled back from you as a loud bang echoed through the room. You looked up to find the source of the loud noise in surprise.

“Mark! Are you down there?!” A breathless voice called out from the top of the rounded staircase; the crash having been from the heavy door hitting the stone wall loudly.

“It’s Jeno.” Mark commented, pulling away from you, he rushed to the staircase, you following behind him in curiosity. “Yes, do you need me?” He called out, jogging up the stairs with you hot on his tail. When you got to the top of the stairs, you saw Prince Jeno slumped against the wall, his cheek pressed to the cold stone and his face covered in a sheen of sweat. His white shirt was nearly see-through from how drench in sweat it was, the material sticking to his chest and abdomen. You also noticed he was panting fast, finding it hard to catch his breath.

“S-something’s not right.” He gulped, his throat dry and his voice coming out raspy. “I feel really bad, an-and it doesn’t feel li-like anything I’ve ever felt before.” He groaned, hunching over and holding onto his stomach as if he’d just been kicked hard there. You saw how his whole body was shuddering like he was freezing cold despite the perspiration he had on his skin. “I think I’m sick.” Mark furrowed his eyebrows at the Prince, going through his head to try and figure out what it could be he was suffering from.

“Did you take your potion earlier?” He asked with a nervous tone to his voice. Jeno nodded, groaning and stumbling out into the hall of the castle. You followed, rushing over to him and holding onto him to stop him from falling. There wasn’t much light, all the torches and candles usually lit in the halls having been put out earlier on in the evening. There was limited light coming through the big window beside you, but not much as the moon was situated before clouds.

“You’re burning up Jeno.” You placed your hand on his forehead, not caring about getting your hand wet from his sweat, just wanting to figure out what was happening to the poor boy. His forehead was hot to the touch, almost too hot for you to be able to handle and you’d never felt anyone have a temperature like this before. Mark was still racking his brains, now doubting the potion he’d made the day prior, he looked at his feet, retracing all of his steps and actions. You watched Jeno, his body slumping more before his body was illuminated under the bright light of the full moon appearing out from behind the cloud it was behind. At the same time, you heard the enchanted clock chime to signify midnight from the workroom. Jeno gasped, his body becoming completely rigid in your hold and his eyes turning in a bright amber colour. Mark looked up quickly, realisation hitting him as he remembered only putting in 5 elder wood berried instead of the required eight. Jeno seemed to realise what was about to happen as he tried to push you away from him, but he was too late.

“(Y/N)! Let go of-” He never got to finish his sentence. Jeno’s body erupting into a giant black wolf with you stood far too close to him. In his attempt to shove you away, his hands had turned into large paws with razor sharp claws, ripping down your right arm and shredding the skin, leaving big gashes that oozed with blood dripping down your skin. You’d been pushed to the floor from the strength of the Jeno, the pain not hitting you yet as adrenaline pumped through you. Jeno backed off, his eyes trained on you in disgust at what he’d just done to you. He turned around and took off, the wolf disappearing from sight and leaving you alone with Mark. Mark stood shellshocked, his brain not kicking in until you let out a sob in pain. He grabbed you and picked you up into his arms, not caring about the blood soaking into his clothes or dripping onto the floor as he rushed you into his workroom. “It’s going to be okay baby.” He muttered, looking around the room for the most comfortable and appropriate place to set you down. In the end he opted to sitting you on the floor. You felt your body shaking from the adrenaline pumping through you, the pain in your arm feeling like nothing you’d ever felt before. You didn’t look at your cuts as Mark rushed around the room, gathering up different pieces of equipment and bottles.

“Mark it hurts.” You whimpered, wanting him to drop everything to wrap you up in the confines of his arms. He glanced at you and gulped, letting out a harsh sigh and rushing back to you.

“I’m sorry please forgive me.” He took your face in his bloody hands, looking you in the eyes before shutting his own tightly, muttering some words that you’d heard him use before on someone else. You knew what was about to happen and it freaked you out.

“Mark no wait please don’t.” You cried harder, trying to pull his hands from your cheeks. “No Mark pl-” You stopped talking as your eyes rolled into the back of your head, your body going limp in his hold as he knocked you unconscious using a spell. He knew this way you wouldn’t feel any pain and he could fix you up with more ease, he’d also be able to confine in other people without worrying you. He gulped, feeling sick with guilt as he knew this was all his fault for not being careful enough when brewing the Prince’s potion.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He held you to his chest and let out hard sob, tears falling down his face as he broke his promise of you never getting hurt.

---

Mark hadn’t slept; his eyes were dark underneath from his lack of sleep and were bloodshot with tears. His hair was a mess and he was still wearing the blood-stained shirt even 13 hours after it had been bloodied. He was torn, he didn’t know how to treat your wounds with magic until he’d figured out the logistics behind your cuts. He’d bound them in material to prevent too much blood loss, but he knew time was running out.

“I don’t know what to do, I’m at a loss.” In rage, he threw the book he was holding across the room, clenching his fists up and resisting the urge to slam his fists into the wall. Seulgi flinched in shock at his sudden rage, having never witnessed the placid man get this emotional before. They’d left you tucked up in his bed, still unconscious as the spell Mark had used on you would keep you asleep for five to seven days.

“Mark, I doubt that it’s going to change her.” She softly spoke, picking up the book he’d thrown and placing it gently on the table.

“You don’t know that Seulgi, he’s a fucking werewolf and he scratched her! You know how it works.” He mumbled in anger, shaking his head and running his hands over his face. “I have two options, I can heal her quickly, the wounds will close up within days, but it won’t stop her from turning into a werewolf. The other option is…” He winces at the thought of the second option, sighing before continuing. “It will heal her slowly, she’ll be in so much pain for weeks, but it will eliminate any chances of her becoming one of those things.”

“You will make the right choice; I know you will.” She rubbed his arm comfortingly, smiling weakly with a horrible feeling in her gut at the horrible choice he has to make. “Just remember that Jeno isn’t a purebred werewolf, he was cursed, it could be different. Besides, it’s never actually been proven that a werewolf’s scratch can turn a human into one of them.”

“Hm…there is a third option.” He walked to the large cabinet that had a lock on it, one only he could open. He pressed his thumb to it and the lock popped open. Opening the cupboard, he took out a black, opaque bottle. “Dark magic.”

“No. Mark if the king knows you used dark magic, he will have your head.” Seugli’s voice had a commanding tone to it. “It’s not worth the risk, when she recovers, she will need you more than ever Mark.” He placed it back in the cupboard and locked it up again.

“Like she needs me, I promised her I would never let anyone hurt her and look at the situation we’re in now!” His rose his voice again, before letting out a sigh and nodding. “You’re right…I’m going to change her dressing.” He left the workroom without another word, walking to his room with his head down and letting himself in. When he looked up to check on you, he frowned, his face hardening as he saw Jeno sitting at your bedside, your hand tucked up in both of his. “Get out.” Mark growled, not caring for formalities as anger sparked up in his chest. Jeno looked over at him and shook his head, his eyes red and cheeks wet from where he’d been crying.

“Mark I’m so sorry.” He let out a choked sob, fresh tears falling from his eyes. He felt guilty, but he knew there wasn’t anything he could do. “It wasn’t my fault!”

“It was. Get out Jeno.” Mark had never been this harsh to the Prince before, never having raised his voice out of respect, but he felt that if he blamed Jeno it would make his own guilt dwindle. But as he looked at the Prince, he let out a sigh, feeling more guilty at trying to pass the blame on. Jeno opened his mouth to speak but Mark beat him to it. “It’s my fault…”

“How?” Jeno sniffed, his hands still encased over your own.

“I was too distracted when I made your potion, I didn’t put in enough of a certain ingredient, which made the potion too weak a-and,” He struggled to confess, his stomach twisting in anxiety. “That’s the reason why you couldn’t resist changing at the full-moon. The reason why you’d never felt that way before was because your body was trying to use the potion to stop you from changing. But due to the weakness of the potion, it was like a battle inside your body. I’m so sorry your highness.” He went back to using formalities, bowing to the Prince in front of him. Jeno’s eyes darkened, his mouth hardening into a line as he tried to control the temper, he felt rising in him, knowing if the potion he had was weak, it wouldn’t stop him from changing when his emotions flared up. He was lucky to have not changed from his sadness, but he guessed the potion, although weak, was having a slight effect on him.

“You tried to blame me, tried to make me feel as if I had done this to her.” His voice was low, and Mark was starting to get concerned about Jeno’s temper. “You did this to her.” He stood up, letting go of your hand and storming from the room, deciding it was best to subtract himself from the situation in case he made it worse.

“Fuck.” Mark groaned, grabbing the clean cloth on his bedside table before looking down at your peaceful face. “I’m sorry my love.” He whispered, laying soft kiss on your warm forehead.

---

A week had passed before your eyes blinked open slowly, your head feeling groggy and you’d never felt so hungry before in your life. You gulped as memories flooded back into your mind of what happened. You were hurt that Mark had gone against your will and used a charm that would render you unconscious when you’d pleaded with him not to. You moved your left arm, the one that was injured ad let out a yelp in pain. It was wrapped up tightly in white cloth, your injuries not visible but going by the pain you felt, it wasn’t any better.

“Mark?” You called out, your throat dry and voice barely there. When you received no reply, your hesitantly swung your legs out of his bed, pouring yourself a glass of water from the jug he always had on his bedside table. You drank the liquid fast, feeling a wash of relief at the cool water. You slowly walked out of the room, up the stairs and to Mark’s workroom where you assumed, he’d be. You pushed the door open slowly when you heard voices, making your way down the rounded staircase slowly.

“You’re lucky Mark, if you were anyone else, I would have ripped you to shreds.” You recognised the voice as Prince Jeno’s. “But I have forgiven you. However,” He stopped talking, sniffing the air as he smelt your scent waft into the room. “Never mind.” You appeared at the bottom of the stairs, looking at the two men as they stood by the fireplace that had a large cauldron bubbling over the top of it.

“Baby!” Mark rushed over to you, cupping your face in his hands and scouring his eyes over you to make sure you were okay.

“I’m fine.” You snapped at him, turning your face away from his as you remembered what he’d done. “Care to explain what happened?” Jeno approached you slowly, worried in case you would turn away from him in fright. On the contrary, you walked up to him and stood close to him. Mark gulped down his jealous and told you from start to finish what had went wrong. You listened carefully and nodded along, taking in all his words and his constant apologies.

“I’m sorry too.” Jeno spoke quietly, hesitating before taking your good hand in his. He placed a soft kiss to the back of you hand and let out a sigh. He leaned in close to your ear and whispered. “Forgive him please, he has hardly slept, and he’s been going out of his mind trying to make you better.” With that he left you two alone. You looked at Mark, your eyes not showing any emotion as you stared at him.

“Can I have a hug? I really need one.” His face crinkled up as he tried to hold back the tears in his eyes, them threatening to fall like a water at a flood barrier. Your face softened as you watched the boy you love break down in front of you.

“Come here.” You raised your good arm, motioning for him to come to you. He rushed to you, burying his face into the crook of your neck and wrapping his arms around your middle. You felt his body shake as he let out small sobs, all the emotions he’d held back for the past few days finally coming to light at the sight of you up on your feet. “I love you; I don’t blame you.” You whispered, rubbing his back with your hand and squeezing him tightly. “Thank you for making the choice, I know it must have been a hard decision.” He’d told you about the choices he had to make, and how he opted to heal you slowly to prevent any changes in you.

“Are you in pain?” He pulled back to look into your eyes.

“A little, I’ll be okay.” He smiled softly, leaning down to capture your lips in his own. You didn’t feel hungry anymore, all your appetite washed away with Mark’s tears.

“I haven’t got anything I can give you to stop the pain, it could interfere with what I’ve already given you.” He sighed, placing a soft kiss to your jaw.

“I just want to lay with you.” You whispered softly, clinging onto Mark’s body. He stiffened and widened his eyes at you.

“I-it’s a bit too early for that! You’re still too badly injured I could hurt you!” Mark had clearly misunderstood you. You laughed gently and smiled at him with a roll of your eyes.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant I want to lay beside you in bed Mark.” His eyebrows raised in realisation, his mouth opening in an ‘o’ shape.

“We can do that.” He took your good hand in his own, leading you back to his room. He pulled back the covers and got into his bed, opening his arms up for you to crawl into his embrace. You wasted no time in cuddling up to him, closing your eyes in contentment and ignoring the pain you felt shooting up your arm.

“Thank you for everything you did,” You snuggled your head into his chest, his arms wrapping around you tightly but with caution of your injury. “I hope you don’t think this means I trust you less, you couldn’t have stopped him from changing as quick as he did, and everyone makes mistakes sometimes.”

“I broke my promise to you though. I promised you’d never get hurt and you did. I messed up his potion which caused him to turn.” He closed his eyes, squeezing them hard to get the image of you covered in blood out of his mind. “It won’t happen again.”

“I’m so in love with you.” You opened your eyes, letting them trail up his delicate features to his closed eyes. He slowly opened his eyes and looked down into yours.

“As am I with you.” He smiled, leaning his face down to press a tender kiss to your lips. You kissed him with a burning love in your heart, the feeling of your injuries being nothing when you had Mark by your side.

(A/N: Thank you so much for reading this, it’s my longest piece so far and I’m really proud of this work. Please give me feedback and keep an eye out for the next part in the series, which will be Renjun’s part. It will go into more depth about his story that was briefly mentioned in this part. Again, thank you.)

956 notes · View notes

writingpuddle · 4 years

Text

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” Nicky asked, digging in his pack for a chocolate bar. To their left, the cliff dropped away precipitously, sheer granite cliffs like sentinels at the end of the world.

Neil stared at Nicky. “No,” he said.

“What, never?”

Neil looked out across the sweeping vista of mountains before them. A speck that could have been a hawk or a raven or a sparrow spun against the sky, too small and distant to judge. He’d stood in the middle of busy cities; he’d gone to school with hundreds; he’d even tried out for a track and field team once. He’d been surrounded by people, and he had been so ferociously lonely it had been like a knife in his chest.

“No,” he said, because he didn’t know how to explain—didn’t even want to, really. He’d felt more alone back in the so-called real world than he’d ever felt in the wilderness, miles from any other person. When there was no one around, there was no one to miss.

~~~The Long-Distance Hiker AU (A Bullet Point Fic)~~~

So after Neil’s mom died he kinda of ghosted around for a while and eventually ended up in a small hiking town in California

He met a bunch of thru hikers and figured, hey, my dad probably won’t find me if I’ve fucked off into the wilderness

So he starts hiking

And pretty soon he realizes it’s the best thing he could imagine

He spends all summer in the mountains and when winter rolls around he finds a temporary job in a skiing town working in a second hand gear shop

He’s an ultralighter in the most accidental sense possible

His gear is weird and cobbled together and his shoes are held together with dental floss

He sleeps under a tarp with a down blanket and a thin foam mat and he’ll eat the same shit day in day out without even registering it while he covers frankly obscene distances every single day

It basically gives Kevin an ulcer

Kevin’s an ultralighter, but in the stuck up, rich bitch way; his gear is probably worth thousands of dollars and he’ll lecture anyone who listens about ripstop nylon and is super snobby and elitist about who is a so-called “real” thru hiker (hint: anyone who doesn’t do it his way isn’t a real thru hiker)

(don’t worry he’ll get smacked around a little by people like Dan and stop being such a little bitch about it but he grew up rich so even though it might’ve been shit living with Riko he really doesn’t always take into consideration the context of how much fucking money gear costs when he’s preaching about ultralighting)

(yes I’m taking out my dislike for pretentious rich ultralighters on him, okay, but the difference is he’ll have character growth versus the people I met are probably still being preachy and self-important to this day)

Andrew’s like the exact opposite

His pack weighs like seventy pounds and he’ll pull a six-inch knife (a gross misuse of smart gear weight management) at anyone who comments

He has a completely contained single person tent that’s big enough to sit up in and a four-inch inflatable mattress

His sleeping bag is rated to like -20 even when he’s hiking in the summer

Nicky swears he once saw him pull a full-sized chocolate cake out of his backpack three days down the trail and everyone says that’s stupid and made up but secretly think its totally true

Andrew likes to hike alone but somehow he’s never more than a day away from Aaron and Nicky and when he keeps showing up near them it gets harder and harder to pretend like he doesn’t actually care about them

Nobody says anything, obviously, but Nicky gets a little teary when he starts to notice the pattern

It was Nicky’s idea; in this universe Erik got him into hiking when he was in Germany so he got the cousins into it as a bonding exercise and then it turned out it was the best family activity they had ever found

This is several years after they graduated and they’ve scrounged together enough time and money to hike the Pacific Crest Trail

Now the upperclassmen:

So Stephanie Walker is a trail angel: one of those people who lives near a long trail and provides snacks and rides and somewhere to stay and basically helps out anyone who comes by with whatever’s going on; she’s pulled a lot of people out of frankly dangerous situations and she’s not afraid of anything the trail has to offer

So Renee finds herself and her faith while living this life of meeting new hikers every day and it’s almost inevitable that she starts to hike and find solace in the wilderness

Allison is one of those Wild types: she’s done some hiking (much to her parents’ chagrin) but she’s never done a thru trail or even much overnighting before, but she’s ready to throw herself into it and doesn’t care how dirty she gets

She totally carries a tiny spa package though

The other women are very skeptical because they take pride in being free from societies expectations and make up and shaving but they come around after Allison pulls it out one time when they’re seven days into a ten day section and gives them face masks and they all have a little pedicure pampering session (so, so needed when your feet are being beaten and bruised by hard terrain all day)

She has a lot of new, expensive gear and is super touchy about people trying to help her (because a beautiful woman absolutely gets people trying to “help” all the time and it’s infuriating and condescending) but she learns to accept help from her closest friends

She was showing off near the beginning of the trail drinking with a bunch of guys and probably got too sloshed trying to act tough (alcohol hits you waaaay harder at high elevations dude, if you’re not expecting it you can get Fucked Up really fast)

It’s Seth who realizes things are getting out of control and pulls her out before the guys can do anything shitty which is how their friendship and eventually their relationship gets started

They piss everyone off with their constant breaking up and getting back together on the trail, sometimes hiking together for days and then splitting up and going to hike with other people but they find a lot of healing out there in the woods

Seth’s mom is totally dismissive and condescending of his hiking, she thinks it’s a stupid waste of time, but she thinks everything he does is a stupid waste of time so at least when he’s out there without cell service he has an excuse to not respond to her

Now Dan

Dan’s trailer trash, right

She’s got no fucking cash but she has this dream in her head to hike the PCT and she’s going to fucking well do it

Her gear is probably most similar to Neil’s except where his is a mess of weird priorities and held together by spit and twine

Hers is meticulously planned

It’s cheap, some of it’s over forty years old, but it’s hers

It’s probably the only stuff in the world that’s actually hers

She accumulated it over about four years, hitting all the second-hand gear events, saving up every penny, packing and repacking and writing everything out in great detail until David Wymack got wind of her plans at a gear event

He’s one of those guys who hiked the PCT thirty years ago back before anyone knew what it was except instead of feeling superior about that it means he knows exactly how much impact experiencing the wilderness can have for disenfranchised people

He approaches Dan and offers to sponsor her hike

She’s resistant at first; she planned this hike, she got all the stuff together, she was going to do it without anyone’s help

But he comes back and says he just wants her to write about her experiences and publish it on his website

He’ll pay her for the work, of course

And she wavers and finally caves because this will move her plans up by about two years if she can make money while she’s hiking instead of having to hoard up enough cash to take six whole months off

Her blog posts are a huge hit

She doesn’t preach about how the mountains saved her, or get too metaphorical about hiking or anything like that

She just talks about the real, raw experience of hiking

The friendships, the trials, the triumphs

The infuriating people whose mental image of the hiking community doesn’t include poor black girls who grew up in a trailer park, who say she’s an inspiration like they actually mean something else

She talks about the days that she flies up the mountains and the days that she can barely drag herself out of her tent and the day she realizes that Allison and Renee, these women she thought could not be more different from her, are the best friends she’s ever had in the world

And she’s takes fucking amazing pictures

She’s also very determined not to have a trail romance

That’s stupid and cliché

Look that guy Matt might be hot but she’s not interested

He’s clearly working through some stuff and she’s not here to be some guys savior or whatever

So Matt then

His mom helped him get sober a couple years ago and he’s been struggling with it ever since

She got him into hiking as an outlet and a healthy hobby and he took to it like a fish to water

He’s got legs for days and he doesn’t mind carrying a heavy pack, he can hike for hours without stopping

(The fact that he’s faster than her pisses Dan off a bit, but sometimes you gotta accept that you’ve got short legs and just hike your own hike, there aren’t any prizes for speed)

He relapsed again a couple months before his hike started and he and Randy weren’t even sure if he was going to be able to do it but he’s damned well going to try

So anyway

Pretty much everyone is trying to actually hike the PCT except Neil

He drives everyone bonkers

His motivation isn’t really about the trail so much as staying out in the wilderness where there are no gangsters to murder you

So he just does whatever he wants and keeps showing up at random points

He’s technically got one of the thru hiker permits but he frequently goes off on side trails not on the PCT and ends up hiding out in the woods so rangers won’t find him

He’ll just hitchhike straight through boring sections or anywhere that you pass through too many towns where he’d rather not be remembered

He keeps coming back to the PCT but it’s more like it’s a rough guideline of where to go than an actual route he’s taking

He’s got his natural colouring back because who’s dying their hair or wearing fucking contacts on the trail?

But also

Who would ever associate a runaway mafia kid with a guy with overgrown hair and a stained t-shirt who’s sitting serenely on a mountain pass in a photo on David Wymack’s website?

Nobody

That’s right kids, Nathan doesn’t have a role in this one because he doesn’t find Neil

Maybe he gets killed in a shoot out or something and some other gangster steps up and takes over, and in the shuffle Neil’s just kinda forgotten

Maybe he finds out months later and he just stares at the computer in shock because he should have known, shouldn’t he? He should have felt it when his father died

He should have realized that he was free

That happens later though

Who fucking cares what Riko’s doing honestly

Kevin has somehow attached himself to Andrew and is driving him up the wall with advice to improve his hiking/base weight/distance/etc and he sees this guy (Neil) who regularly covers like thirty or forty miles a day (obscene!) and is like YES this guy is my people!

Except when he starts talking to Neil he realizes he’s this total weirdo who doesn’t even have a cook set he just eats cold food (a common enough thing among ultralighters, but not like this. Oh god, not like this)

Neil’s just sitting there gnawing on a pack of uncooked ramen like a fucking animal

And he’s not! Even! Hiking! Properly!

You’ll never finish the trail if you hike like this!

Neil just gives him a blank look

He’s got no interest on getting on some “verified” list of people who hiked the PCT, he just likes hiking

Andrew likes him

I mean obviously he despises him what the hell is with that janky ass setup but also he’s so unconventional and unapologetic how could Andrew not be into that?

They’re the kind of people who give wilderness rescue personnel grey hair, but for completely opposite reasons

Neil keeps running into them because even though he covers so much ground every day, his meandering route means he doesn’t actually move down the trail very fast

They’ll be like wait weren’t you like a week ahead of us and he’s like oh yeah I heard about this cool waterfall and took a sixty mile side trail to visit it and nearly ran into a momma bear with two cubs, it was awesome

And they all start to grow on him, and each other, almost accidentally

Look none of them are out there romanticizing the trail as some kind of magical place where the problems of the real world disappear and the people are somehow more pure and true or whatever

People are people and they bring their issues wherever they go

But there is a paring down

When your daily concerns are just mileage and shoes and food and weather, a lot of other stuff fades into the background

And well the truth is a lot of people are on those trails to work through stuff

And they find each other

Gradually, without even really noticing

They team up in June, groups of three or four with crampons and ice axes to get over the Sierra’s.

Neil was planning to just do side hikes and wait for the snow to melt—he isn’t so reckless he wants to go over the ice alone, but Kevin insists he join them and for the first time he hikes in a group with Kevin and the cousins all together.

It’s weird

He’s not used to people talking to him when he’s hiking and he frequently doesn’t respond and it’s not because he’s being rude he’s just so focussed on what he’s doing and what’s around him that he literally doesn’t hear them

And then

Nicky slips

It’s not his fault, they did nearly everything right (Kevin may be a pretentious ass, but he does know his shit) but sometimes shit just happens for no reason

And they’re at the edge of the ice sheet so Nicky’s just untying himself from the rope that links them together, he’s not even moving, and the snow beneath him shifts and he doesn’t even have time to scream before he’s hurtling down the snow below the trail towards the cliff at the bottom of the ice sheet

Neil doesn’t even hesitate

He dives after him, ice axe in one hand like a fucking gladiator and gets his arm wrapped around Nicky’s waist

He slams the ice axe into the snow and it drags behind them, and it looks like it’s not going to catch, and the edge is getting closer and closer—

Until the axe catches something, and Nicky and Neil lurch to a halt, clinging to each other, hanging off of Neil’s one arm and the axe.

Neil looks up and sees Andrew, Aaron and Kevin in various places on the slope above them, their axes dug in and long gouge marks in the snow beneath their heels, strung together by a ropeline that’s still attached to Neil’s waist

That rope is probably the only thing that slowed them down enough that Neil could stop them without ripping his arm clean off

It’s hardly a by-the-book rescue, and in fact it was pretty stupid, but they’re okay, they’re okay, that’s all that matters

That night they light a fire down by a lake and Nicky cries on Aaron’s shoulder and Andrew keeps clenching his fists because he’s never felt so helpless in his life and it was Neil that jumped, not him

He knows that he was at the far end of the line and he would’ve made it worse if he had, but doing nothing while Neil risked his life to save Nicky

They don’t really talk about it

But you kind of can’t help being friends after that

And even after they’re out of the high mountains and back on solid trails Neil keeps tabs on them

And Nicky befriends the others and without even meaning to they start to develop a sort of loose trail family vibe

They’re not hiking together all the time like some of the groups they meet, but they check on each other all the time and wait up in resupply villages and bond over firepits and shitty hot chocolate mixes and swap tips on how to keep the butt-chafing at bay

Neil sticks to the outskirts, mostly, but he starts to open up a little, in fits and spurts, tiny non-specific things that wouldn’t even register to most people but that this particular group knows means more than that

He’s slowing down, too, sometimes hiking entire days with people and covering half his usual distance even when there’s no cliffs or glaciers threatening him

He likes hiking with Andrew the most, though

Because neither of them are big talkers when they’re hiking and Andrew’s pack might be absurdly heavy but he’s got legs the size of tree trunks and endurance to match, so he might not be fast but he can outwalk half the people on the trail by sheer relentlessness

They both like to camp up high, near treeline (so Neil can set up his tarp) and in the places that it’s legal they’ll start a small fire and Andrew will loan Neil his pot so he can actually cook his fucking ramen for once and sometimes they’ll watch the Milky Way rise and share secrets under the open sky, not looking at each other so they don’t break the illusion, and sometimes they won’t say anything at all but it’s okay, because they’re saying nothing together.

It’s nice

It’s maybe more than nice

The summer draws to a close and Neil is starting to realize that he doesn’t want it to

He never wants the hiking season to end but this time it’s different

This summer has been perfect

And he knows deep in his bones that once they leave the trail things will change

The others have lives to return to, and Neil…

The trail is all he has

And if he’s barely hiking alone at all these days, well, who’s going to call him out on it?

The others like having him around because he stops them from getting too fixated on the Trail to see the trail

He still takes side trips but now sometimes people will come along and he’ll stand at the base of a canyon staring up at the glossy white walls and Dan will snap a photo for her blog and smile, because the PCT is just a line on a map, but the hike is all of them; together

He’s hiking with Andrew in September when a storm hits, this time vicious

Neil huddles under his tarp in resignation

Storms suck, he always gets wet, no matter how much he lowers the tarp, but he’s used to it; he just waits it out

But it’s just getting worse

Hail lashing at the tarp and pummelling the ground and maybe for once he regrets camping so high up

And Andrew has to shout to be heard but finally Neil realizes he’s offering to let Neil come into his tent

You’re going fucking freeze, just get in here

Neil goes

It’s weird

It’s instantly weird

The tent is not built for two people, so they’re both sitting cross legged with their heads ducked to not press against the roof

The storms probably not going to let up soon, Andrew says

Yeah, Neil says.

Andrew sighs

Lie down, he says, and Neil does, and Andrew lies down next to him, shoulder to shoulder

It barely works, only because neither of them are very big people

Neil’s pack is outside wrapped in his tarp and all he has is his damp down blanket but he’s not cold anymore, not with Andrew bundled up in his ridiculous sleeping bag right next to him

The storm rages for nearly two days and what passes between them in that tent, nobody knows

If they’re barely ever seen apart after it, well. You only see people so often on the trail. It could easily be a coincidence

And if Neil doesn’t even set his tarp up on rainy nights anymore, well. They never camp near other people anyway, so who’s to know?

In early October the snow blows in, blocking the route to the finish.

They drift around a resupply village for almost two weeks, waiting for the trail to reopen, but finally even Kevin accepts that it isn’t going to

After all of that, none of them are going to finish the trail

It’s a disappointment—of course it is. For most of them, the end of their trip is now a nondescript exit into a village, no fanfare, no closure; they didn’t even know they were done for days

Still, it’s not so bad

They’re all together

Allison suggests Vegas, but they all laugh it down; they wouldn’t even know how right now, bearded and hairy and ravenous as they are

They go to South Carolina instead

It’s not really even discussed that they’ll stay together, they just all go; Allison hosts them at her resort and they laugh at the incongruous weirdness of seeing each other in real clothes, and it’s different, but it’s also okay

They stay for another two weeks, and they don’t hike another fucking inch

We should try the Continental Divide Trail sometime, Dan says

Her blog is so popular now that she’s got sponsorships from more than just Wymack waiting for her

She could make a career out of hiking and blogging and doing gear reviews and it’s a dream she’d never even realized she wanted until she had it

And if she accidentally fucked up and ended up with a hot trail boyfriend? Well, nobody’s perfect

And he has a great butt

(she has photos of it on her blog, from when they jumped into a glacier lake naked back in August)

Everyone is jealous

How about that trek in Iceland? Matt suggests

Or the whats-it-called in New Zealand, Allison says

Oh, I bet there’s some good ones in Europe! Nicky says. You guys can all meet Erik!

And it’s going to be different, but it’s not going away, and Neil feels calm in a way he never has at the end of a hiking season before

Eventually everyone has to start making plans to return to their lives, and jobs, and Neil sneaks out to the back of the house to sit in crisp fall air and watch leaves spiral down out of the trees

Andrew follows him

They sit together, watching the moon rise over the hills, and when Andrew asks Neil to come home, Neil says yes

#me? coping with my inability to go hiking by writing headcanons? its more likely than you think!#aftg headcanons #aftg au #andreil #bulletpoint fic #my writing #hiker au #gratuitous descriptions of hiker life #found family #this is like 3.5k idk man #this is very self indulgent lol

177 notes · View notes

thecreelhouse · 4 years

Text

take care of yourself

paring: Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: you’ve been through enough shit to believe self care is building your walls high and keeping everyone out. The Universe has no problem challenging that, though. (Or: the flower shop/soulmate AU comfort fic nobody asked for)

Word count: 4,656

Warnings: mentions of past abuse (emotional/mental/physical), PTSD, language, angst

A/N: it finally happened, I wrote a reader insert fic for once! lol. I’ve been going through a rough patch with old trauma, and this is an absolute self indulgent comfort fic buuuuuut I hope whoever reads it enjoys it. Originally it was me writing out some shit to just get it out, but then it turned to a flower shop AU, and somehow ended as a soulmate AU....? Messy, but oh well lol. if you’re an abuse survivor, pls know your pain is valid but your healing is so, so very important. 💜 title is from the song ‘take care of yourself’ by the childlike empress

Build your walls up high and strong, tall and mighty. No ladder or set of stairs could reach the top. Not even the most stubborn and determined can make their way in. Make yourself more stubborn than those around you. Leave first before you’re left in the dust.

You’ve lived this way for years. It’s lonely. It’s quiet. It has its own kind of hurt, but it’s pain in your control.

You’ve lived this way for years, and you swore you’d never let anyone take advantage of you ever again. Once vulnerable, soft, welcoming, now stoic, cold, distant; you wouldn’t feel it was necessary to stay this way if people weren’t so cruel.

If you never open up, they can’t use your secrets against you. If you keep to yourself, they can’t get under your skin. If you weren’t so foolish, so quick to trust others, you could enjoy human connection without a second thought. Now, it’s second nature to keep your defenses up, and keep them up strong.

With that comes anger, defaulted towards everyone and everything, and it doesn’t give anyone new a true chance. If that means you’re safe in the end, then that’s just fine. Maybe you are cold, maybe you are bitter, but you’re nowhere near as bad as the monster that drove you here.

You’ve lived this way for years, because it’s better than being gaslit on a regular basis. Safer than a hand around your throat, just manipulating you to stay. The pain of being lonely is a dull sting compared to the pain of your first time being stolen from you, forced to become someone else’s gain, someone else’s object.

You’ve lived this way for years, why stop now?

Why let someone have the opportunity to tear you down? Rip you apart? In the end, most people just have selfish motives, and if they don’t, they’re hard to come by. Why waste your life looking for someone worth your time?

So yeah, it’s lonely. It’s lonely as fuck. It hurts. It’s a comfortable pain that soothes you to sleep every night. It’s a wound that never heals, but at least you’re the only one disturbing it.

When you moved, you just wanted to get the fuck away from anything and everything tied to him. You wanted to destroy all links, burn all bridges; nothing was safe anymore, nothing was pure anymore. You up and left because no matter how hard you tried, someone was always waiting around the corner of your next chapter in life, eager to apologize on his behalf.

“He had it hard, you know.” And “his sister abused him, he didn’t know any better. Never got proper help.” followed by, “he’s trying, he’s changing, give him another chance.”

If manipulating someone to stay under dangerous circumstances is “trying and changing”, you wanted no fucking part in that mess. You knew better. He should know better.

So you left. You packed up and left the little bit of good sprinkled throughout town behind, because it wasn’t worth running into him one more time. Wasn’t worth glancing over your shoulder in fear anymore. You knew he was powerless once you left him, but it never calmed the storm of anxieties constantly brewing within you, the “what ifs” keeping you awake at night.

Hundreds of miles from home, you stopped in a small town. Hawkins, Indiana. Quiet. Quaint. Small towns may be frustrating in the sense that everyone knows everyone, but at least it’s a fresh start, practically off the grid compared to home.

You flowed your life into the surroundings of Hawkins quite easily; a small apartment downtown with easy to find parking, a job at a flower shop a block away, working with what you loved, and you picked up as many hours as you could, keeping busy, keeping to yourself. It’s what you always did best. Friendly at work, friendly when necessary to strangers, but you never let anyone in. It’s what you simply did best.

For a few months, you kept to your daily routine. Lonely, sure, but nothing out of the ordinary for you. You called home when necessary, just to reach out and let your parents know you’re still alive, doing just fine. Things were simple, and that was just fine. It gave you more down time to focus on yourself, focus on healing, however you saw fit.

One day, though, the focus stopped short. The perfect, mundane balance you had, went off the rails in just a quick, few minute exchange. Everything you had worked so hard to protect was screaming at you to tear the walls away.

It was a normal, Thursday evening at the shop. Quiet, watering the plants as needed, the chime above the front door tore you from your safe bubble. You switched gears, getting ready to use your pleasant “retail” voice, when your eyes fell on two boys, and your balance began to unsteady itself. One was older than the other; the younger boy looked to be in his early teens, and the older boy was much closer to your age, hanging somewhere near or in his 20-somethings.

It wasn’t the boys walking in that threw you off, it was specifically locking eyes with the older boy, forgetting to breathe for a quick second. Forgetting how to move, how to act; the cold shield you kept up at all times was begging to be let down, just over some handsome, idiot stranger. Something felt like a magnetic pull towards him, but only for a moment.

Fighting through the daze, you asked, “Can I help y’all?”

The younger boy, with messy curls flowing from under a hat and gaps in his toothy grin, immediately walked up to you. “My girlfriend is visiting, and I want to surprise her with flowers, but I don’t know what her favorite flower is, and I can’t just ask her-“

“I mean, you can, you know.” You interjected, smiling at how panicked he seemed.

“That’s what I told him!” The older boy added, walking closer. “He didn’t want to listen.”

“Yeah, Steve, because your girl advice has been proven to be shit.” The younger boy mumbled back, rolling his eyes. The older boy’s face grew red.

“Hey! Even she-“ Steve gestured to you, pausing for a moment, hoping you’d introduce yourself, or he’d find a name tag, something. “- um, sorry-“

“Y/N,” You replied, unsure how to feel in this situation. His eyes searched yours for a moment too long, and you felt exposed.

“Thank you- see, Dustin. Even Y/N agrees with my advice. Maybe I don’t always have shitty girl advice.” Steve finished his argument with Dustin.

You wanted to laugh at how ridiculous they were being, how it was giving you some comic relief to a bland, boring day... but laughing meant being friendly, and being friendly was only reserved for short conversations and interactions. You felt like you could easily fall into a conversation with these two, and that was the last thing you needed right now. Trusting anyone was the last of your concerns anymore.

“Well, there’s no real wrong choice, in my opinion. Just, don’t get white lilies, or something. Those are usually for loss and sorrow, better for funerals.” You offered, sticking strictly to business. “If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I have to get back to watering some of these plants now.”

Without waiting for a reply, you walked off across the room with the watering can, hoping they’d be quick and out of here soon. A few minutes passed, and you could hear them frantically whispering to one another across the shop, not exactly clear about what, until you did hear a clear “go talk to her!” from Dustin to Steve. You felt yourself stiffen up, not wanting to be disturbed, not wanting things to grow awkward.

Sure enough, the Universe truly loves to work against you, and a few moments later Steve found his way closer to you, clearing his throat to catch your attention. You turned from the plants you were focused on.

“Yes?”

“Uh... hi.”

“.... hi?” You replied, brow raised. “Did you need something?”

“N-no, I just- are you new here?” Steve asked, tripping over his words, hands fumbling out of nervousness. “Sorry, this is weird. I just haven’t seen you around before... and I-“

“I moved somewhat recently,” you replied, keeping things vague. “What’s it to you?”

Steve’s face fell, flustered and unable to reply to that. “N-nothing. Sorry.”

With that, he walked back over to his friend. You felt bad for being short and cold, but the last thing you needed in this town were friends. The last thing you needed was some cute, nervous guy working for your trust.

A few more minutes passed in silence, aside from more awkward whispers from the two boys, and suddenly Dustin shouted out, “Thanks, Y/N! Have a good day!” before pulling Steve behind him out the door.

You were left in confusion, wondering if your attitude scared them off, and felt bad. You just couldn’t let anyone in, even with a little bit of innocent small talk. Steve probably meant well, but you didn’t want to take the risk of finding out.

The next few days went on with your regular customers, an elderly man wanting to surprise his wife with some nice flowers, just because. A mother creating a lovely bouquet to give her daughter after her dance recital that night. A call for a funeral arrangement was what shook you to your core, though.

You’ve had them before, you’ve made them before. You were the only other employee aside from your boss who was skilled in making them. You loved doing what you could to help ease the pain of loss, but it hurt hard this time, hearing the young woman lost her life to an abusive, turbulent relationship. It sent chills up your spine. She was just a bit younger than you, still close enough to relate, though. The man was taken in by authorities, thankfully, but it still had an end no parent wants to hear of their child. No friend or family member wants to ever hear they’ve lost someone to a selfish monster.

Your heart hurt for the woman, and hurt because it’s a situation you were once in. It could’ve been you, and was a sharp reminder why you couldn’t trust anyone.

Working on the floral arrangement late Saturday night, you had the shop to yourself, trying to stay tuned into your handiwork. The funeral was the next morning, and you refused to clock out until the arrangement was perfect. It wouldn’t bring this poor girl back, wouldn’t turn back time, but if it could help honor her life, then you were doing something right.

The familiar chime of the small door bell sounded off, and you didn’t turn around to face the customer. “We’re not doing any custom orders tonight, and we’re technically closed, so make your decisions quickly, please.”

“Oh. Shit, sorry, Y/N, didn’t even realize-“

You spun around at the sound of your name to see Steve, awkwardly standing just beyond the doormat.

“Why are you here?” It came out colder than you wanted it to. You needed it to be cold, though, right?

You watched Steve wince at your attitude before responding. “I- I just wanted to apologize for the other night, when Dustin and I were in here. If we made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t wrong, you were uncomfortable, but how would he know that off the bat? He was just being friendly, and you were the one shutting yourself off.

“S’fine.” You replied quickly before turning back to your work, busying yourself once more. “I have to keep working...”

You trailed off, wanting to tell him he had to go, but a part inside of you screamed stay, stay, stay.

Steve sighed. “Yeah, of course. Sorry, again, Y/N. See you around.”

The doorbell chimed once more, and you glanced down at your hands, crushing a few lilies subconsciously. Sighing and throwing them onto the table, you walked over to the door and locked it.

“It’s safer this way.” You reassured yourself. “It’s just for the best.”

A few more days passed, and Dustin came back in. You couldn’t be as cold towards him, he was only a kid.

“Hey, what’s up?” You asked as he crossed the room to the counter.

“I’m sorry if we bothered you last week-“

“Dustin, it’s fine, really. Steve came in the other night. You guys weren’t bothering me at all.” You tried reassuring him, but he still wore guilt on his face.

“I really do need flowers, though. And I asked Suzie what her favorites are!” Dustin said, with a growing smile. It made a smile of your own begin to grow.

“And did she tell you?”

“Yep! Sunflowers! Never woulda’ guessed on my own.” He replied.

“Proud of you, kid. Glad you asked.” You began gathering some fresh cut sunflowers into a brown craft paper bouquet. “When’s she visiting?”

As you handed him the flowers, he answered. “Tomorrow! I’m gonna’ show her around town, maybe we’ll stop in and say hi, if that’s ok?”

“Of course it’s okay, door’s always open.”

“Great!” After paying, Dustin began to walk towards the door, stopping to turn back your way. “Do you like sunflowers too?”

Brow raised at the question, you answered without thinking much into it. “They’re nice, but I like wildflowers more myself.”

“Good to know, thanks, bye!” And with that, he rushed out of the shop, leaving you confused once again.

The question didn’t make sense until the next day, when Dustin stopped in with Suzie, and a nervous Steve trailing behind the both of them, hands behind his back.

Arms crossed and brows furrowed, you said hello to the younger teens before directing your attention back to Steve. “Wasn’t expecting you here.”

“Yeah- I’m their ride for the day.” Steve nervously chuckled, shifting his weight back and forth between his feet.

“Whatcha’ got there? Behind your back?” You questioned, curious but nervous. Steve’s face flushed red before he pulled a small bunch of wildflowers from behind his back, handing them to you. Your eyes grew wide, trailing down to the roots of the flowers, clearly sticking out, freshly yanked from the ground.

“Um- uh- Dustin mentioned you like wildflowers, and I wasn’t sure what kinds, so we picked a bunch for you.”

“He picked them, I just delivered the information.” Dustin corrected, and Steve elbowed him, pulling a smile out of you.

“Thank you.” You said, feeling your expression soften on its own, and with that, Steve hesitantly let a smile grow. “I’m going to clean these up and put them in water. You can come with, if you want.”

Your own words surprised you, wondering when you became okay with any friendliness with a guy your age. But you didn’t fight it, continuing off to the back of the store, with Steve following behind, leaving Dustin and Suzie on their own in the shop among the flowers.

Steve watched curiously as you cut the dirt-covered roots from the ends of the flowers, giving them fresh ends to drink from. Your eyes darted up to his. “You didn’t have to do this, you know.”

Steve’s eyes grew wide once you began to speak. “I- I wanted to. I still feel bad for upsetting you the other night. I really meant no harm, I swear.”

Sighing, you set the flowers down gently on a counter, leaning against it and looking towards him before speaking again. “You did nothing wrong. I’m just a fucking mess, and don’t let anyone close to me anymore. You couldn’t have known.”

“Still, I’m sorry I invaded your space without asking or- I don’t know-“

“Steve.” You crossed your arms, narrowing your eyes at him. “It’s not your fault, really. I’m sorry I came off so cold.”

“I understand, though. And don’t feel pressured to like, be friendly with me, or whatever...” Steve trailed off, struggling to find the right words. “I just wanted to at least let it be known that... I dunno.... it’s okay, I guess.”

Smirking at his attempt, you moved back to the flowers, grabbing an empty vase and filling it with water. “It isn’t. It won’t be, unless I keep my distance from people. But I appreciate your sincerity.”

“Not everyone is bad, you know.” He mumbled. “I’m not just saying that to kiss my own ass, I mean it, there are good people out there, you know.”

Feeling your grip tighten around the flowers, you caught yourself before crushing them, placing them in the vase safely. “You don’t know that. You wouldn’t know that.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t know?” He countered, unaware of the push it caused on you.

“Why are you so fixated on changing my view, huh?” You snapped, spinning back to face him. “You think you can just come along and fix that? Fix me?”

“No, I never said that.” Steve replied, frustrated. “I don’t know you. Don’t know a thing about you. But I just- forget it.”

“What? Say it.”

Looking away, Steve mumbled, “You don’t have to isolate yourself to feel safe. I know what it’s like, okay? It fucking sucks.”

“Bullshit you know anything about that. You don’t know me, don’t assume shit.”

“Who moves to Hawkins willingly?! You’re running from something or someone-“ at that, your face fell, and he paused, searching your eyes. “You’re right, I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t be nosy and get involved, but I know what that pain feels like, and it fucking hurts. I just wanted to try and show you that you’re not alone.”

You held yourself and emotions back as he searched your eyes once more before walking away, and you let him. A few moments passed before you heard the bell chime over the door, and you were fully alone, just like you always wanted.

You’ve lived this way for years, why stop now? Why stop ever?

For a moment, a sliver of time, you felt seen, felt understood, valid in your pain. For a moment, you didn’t feel so alone, and you pushed that away.

Weeks passed, and neither Steve nor Dustin came back into the shop since. You almost missed them, almost missed how you felt a little less lonely when they were around, even if you barely knew them. Not knowing where Steve lived, worked, or anything, you just had to patiently wait, and hope either would return, and you could mend the barely built bridge you instantly burned down.

It wasn’t until one night just before closing, a girl your age came into the shop, heading straight for the counter you stood behind.

“Hi, can I-“

“This is from Steve.” The girl interrupted you, handing a VHS tape over. “Just... watch it, okay? Give him another chance, before I go insane hearing that dingus whine about how he fucked things up.”

Leaving you speechless, she left the store. You glanced at the tape, seeing it was just a plain black VHS tape, with a piece of masking tape on the side, written on it was “for Y/N”, causing your stomach to flip a little.

Curious as to what could be on it, you rushed to clean and close up the shop, running down the block back home. Immediately after getting inside your apartment, you tossed the tape into the VCR, and hit play, settling on the floor in front of your TV.

Grain flooded the screen for a moment, before a clear picture appeared, of Steve, struggling to hold the camera up on his own, panicking, trying to find a sturdy surface to set it on. You felt a smile tug at your lips at the sight of his clumsiness.

“Uh... hi. Hi, Y/N. This is probably weird, and you’re probably sick of me annoying the shit out of you-“ Steve ran his hands through his hair nervously, before looking back into the camera. “I- I don’t want anything from you. I don’t want to upset or bother you or invade your space- and you’re right. I don’t know what it’s like, not how you do, but I want to understand... and I want you to know you’re not alone-“

“Yeah! What he said!” Dustin barged into the room, and Steve rolled his eyes, shoving the younger boy back out before continuing. “See, even Dustin cares.”

You found yourself giggling at their antics.

“I don’t want to fix anything- I just- you’re not alone, alright? Even if you don’t want to be friends, just give other people a chance, yeah? I don’t know what you went through, don’t know what you survived, but you’re not the only one who’s fought off monsters... you don’t have to do it alone.”

You felt tears at the edge of your eyes, urging to break. Wiping them away, you saw the tape cut to a scene outside, in the woods, with Steve pointing out different wildflowers along a trail.

A group of kids wandered in and out of the shot, occasionally making silly faces at the camera, or teasing Steve as he filmed.

“This for your girlfriend?” One mocked, and he sighed behind the camera.

“Shut it, Wheeler, she’s not my girlfriend.” Steve mumbled, embarrassed. It rose more laughter out of your chest.

“Steve, that footage is going to be awful. Do you even know how to hold that thing?” Dustin teased, trying to reach for the camera before it was jerked away. Dustin eventually got a hold of it, pointing it towards Steve, who smiled sheepishly at the lens, and waved.

“I’ll tell her since you won’t-“ Dustin started off, and Steve reached for the camera before Dustin ran ahead with it. “- we miss you, Y/N. We hope you’re okay. Steve is worried about you, and just wanted you to know you’re always welcome to hang out with us.”

“Dustin, give me that back, you shithead!” Steve yelled off in the distance, and Dustin sped up again, bulky camera still on his shoulder.

“Gotta go! If you want to bother Steve sometime, he works at Family Video!” Dustin rattled off, then continued with Steve’s home address, before yelling a quick goodbye, ending the tape there. The static and grain of the tracking filled back into the TV’s screen and sound.

Amused, you couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous the video was, just like the day they came into the shop. You knew nothing about them, they knew nothing about you, but there was something telling you deep down, maybe it’d be okay to knock some height off the walls for once. Maybe you didn’t have to be so lonely, didn’t have to fight your monsters off on your own.

It was late, so you knew Steve wasn’t at work, and you figured it couldn’t hurt to try him at home. Jumping in your car, you drove off to the address Dustin snuck into the end of the tape. When you pulled up outside Steve’s house, you began to doubt yourself, wondering why the hell you’re in front of this stranger’s house.

There was a pull, though. You’ve felt it before, you felt it now, and it was hard to ignore. How could you when curiosity towered over your fear? The invisible pull grabbed tight, and led you up the steps and to the front door, and didn’t let you think twice about ringing the doorbell. You hoped you weren’t waking anyone at this hour.

The door swung open, revealing a sleepy Steve in sweats, rubbing his eyes as they adjusted to the light above the door.

“What’re you doing here?” He asked, and you instantly felt guilty for bothering him at this hour.

“I.... I don’t have a fucking clue, honestly.” You replied, confused at things yourself. Dropping your voice to a whisper, you asked, “Did I wake you up?”

Steve shook his head, “Just been a long day.”

“Someone dropped the tape off earlier. The one you made.” You didn’t want to hesitate anymore on this. “Why did you do that?”

Steve shrugged, moving aside so you could step inside, and not carry this conversation on his front steps. “This is gonna sound crazy, but since we’ve met, I’ve had this... this... thing?”

“A pull?”

“Exactly th- wait, how do you know?”

“I feel it too. I don’t know how, or why, but it’s there, and I can’t keep ignoring it.” You breathed. “People terrify me, but I don’t know what keeps bringing me back to you, Steve.”

“I see wildflowers everywhere I go, now. I see them and immediately picture the joy they bring you, and I don’t understand what the fuck is going on, but it can’t just be coincidence.” He mumbled, running his hands over his face. “I want to give you space, but something keeps telling me to look out for you, to check up on you, make sure you’re alright. That sounds insane, probably.”

Slowly, you could feel the walls crumble down some more. “It’s not as insane as it sounds... because I’m not okay, and haven’t been for some time.”

“God, fuck, so much fucked up shit has happened here in the past few years, that this doesn’t even shock me.” Steve spoke, realizing this was just another bizarre thing happening in Hawkins once more. ”There’s a connection, somehow. With us.”

“Maybe I was just meant to end up here. You even asked me who willingly moves here, and I only did because it felt right. No other way to describe it.” You mumble, realizing how wild this sounded. “The night you came in, when I was working late, something in me wanted so badly to ask you to stay.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Jaw tightening, you answered. “Because I’m not supposed to be like this. Like that. Clingy, needy, dependent. I’ve been on my own for so long, I don’t know what is safe or not anymore.”

“You’re allowed to be needy, you know. We’re only human. You don’t have to fight your battles alone.”

“And what if they scare you off?”

“They won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I don’t, but why can’t I try anyway?” Steve sighed, head spinning in circles over this. “You feel it, I feel it, why are we holding back?”

“Because I’m terrified.” Your voice cracked as it flowed out. “I have to take care of myself, and that means keeping my distance.”

“Or it just means you need to try and trust others again.” He pleaded, knowing something deeper lied beneath the surface. “Let me help you.”

Seconds that felt like hours passed before you nodded your head, covering your eyes with your hands as you began to cry. Cautious, Steve reached out to you, pulling you into a hug that felt comforting. It felt familiar. It felt like home.

“You’re allowed to take care of yourself, you know. You’re allowed to go through your feelings with someone by your side. You don’t have to do this alone.”

A peace settled within you as his words hit your ears, and it brewed a bit of courage within you too. “Neither do you, Steve.”

You weren’t sure what lied ahead, how things would unfold. You weren’t sure how the Universe connected you two together; whether romantic or just platonic, you were soulmates in some sense. In a way, you gravitated towards one another, and letting your walls down didn’t seem so frightening for once.

You owed it to your fragile, younger, naive past self back home to get through the rest of this life with love, light and hope, and allow others to help along the way. You owed it to your past, present, and future selves, to take care. Take care of yourself.

#steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington au #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things x you #stranger things x reader #flower shop au #soulmate au #take care of yourself #my fics

250 notes · View notes

route22ny · 4 years

Link

Once it reaches the Great Lakes Water Authority's (GLWA) treatment plants, water is pulled from the mix, sanitized, and discharged into the Detroit River. What's left behind at the treatment plants is sewage sludge — a highly toxic, semi-solid blend of human feces and every pollutant that was discharged into the sewers.

Despite the fact that it teems with potentially dangerous chemicals, the sludge is then spread on farmland.

Nutrients in human excrement, like phosphorus and nitrogen, help plants grow, so sewerage departments across the country lightly treat sludge and repackage it as a fertilizer called "biosolids" that are given away or sold for cheap to farmers.

Biosolids are a "valuable resource" that has been "shown to produce significant improvements in crop growth and yield," according to the Environmental Protection Agency, which approved the practice in the mid-1990s. By 2018, more than 50% of the approximately 130 million wet tons of sludge the nation produced annually was applied to farmland.

But the practice is increasingly controversial. Public health advocates say any amount of the approximately 90,000 synthetic chemicals in existence, from VOCs to BPAs to PCBs, can be represented in sludge. It can also be packed with superbugs, parasites, worms, hormones, viruses, and bacteria that aren't killed in the treatment process.

Studies show the pollutants are carried to farmland, taken up by crops, and can end up on dinner plates. That's fueling a growing number of biosolid-linked public-health crises that are making people sick, polluting drinking water, and pitting farmer against farmer.

In Michigan, officials are discovering sludge packed with toxic PFAS, and a growing alliance of farmers, public health advocates, and environmentalists are calling for a ban on spreading the substance on cropland.

"The best solution is to get this stuff off the market," says Christy McGillivray, legislative director of the Sierra Club of Michigan. "Anything that was flushed down the toilet — any hazardous chemical that we use in our everyday systems — winds up in a wastewater treatment plant, so there are a lot of questions about biosolids' safety."

Municipalities in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Florida, among others, have prohibited biosolids, while Maine has restricted their use. In 2003, Switzerland became the first country to outlaw them, and businesses like Whole Foods and Del Monte tell Metro Times they won't buy crops grown in sludge.

But the powerful waste-management industry and regulators are resistant to prohibition. Sludge is an expensive byproduct that's difficult to dispose of, and selling it to farmers is a cheap solution to the problem. In a statement to Metro Times, the GLWA — which churns out more biosolids than any of the nation's other sewerage authorities — insisted its sludge is safe.

Though state regulators "expect" PFAS to be present in sludge, Scott Dean, a spokesman with the Michigan Department of Environment, Great Lakes, and Energy (EGLE), downplayed the threat to human health.

"Due to the fact that biosolids themselves are applied in low amounts in relation to the soil mass in a farm field, they would not be expected to accumulate to the extent to cause adverse effects to public health or the environment," he said.

He noted that EGLE is forcing many PFAS polluters to stop discharging the chemical into sewers, but the state doesn't plan to test for most of the other 90,000 chemicals that exist.

'You're going to drop dead'

In a scathing 2018 report, the EPA's Office Of Inspector General wrote that it found 352 contaminants, including 61 it classified as "acutely hazardous, hazardous, or priority pollutants" in biosolids it tested. Among other substances, it detected PFAS, pharmaceuticals, steroids, and flame retardants.

Despite the potential for high toxicity, federal law only requires wastewater treatment plants to consistently monitor for nine heavy metals, intermittently test for other contaminants and kill most pathogens and living organisms by using heat or dolomitic lime. The latter lowers the ph to make it more acidic and inhospitable to organisms.

The EPA's OIG found the agency can't properly regulate sludge because it doesn't have the tools to assess the safety of all the other pollutants found in biosolids.

"Biosolids [have] everything that goes down the drain from funeral homes to slaughterhouses to everyone's toilet that's hooked up to the sewer system," says David Lewis, a former EPA microbiologist opposed to the use of biosolids. "All of these things are unsafe, according to scientific literature, so how does adding lime and putting it on land make it safe?"

Moreover, individual chemicals that aren't dangerous on their own can become toxic when mixed. Lewis likens the situation to going into a pharmacy, grabbing different bottles off the shelf, and swallowing pills.

"You're going to drop dead, and that's what we're doing with sludge," Lewis says.

A growing body of evidence highlights the risks. A 2013 University of North Carolina study found 75% of people living near farms that spread biosolids experienced health issues like burning eyes, nausea, vomiting, boils, and rashes. A University of Georgia study found similar issues, while others living near sludge fields have contracted MRSA, a penicillin-resistant "superbug."

Lewis investigated two deaths near fields where sludge was spread and found that the substance triggered reactions that killed the two people. More recently, he's linked the substance to autism.

In Georgia, sludge killed an entire herd of cows. In Maine and New Mexico, farmers last year had to put down herds of cows found to be filled with PFAS and producing toxic milk. Last week, officials in Maine discovered cows teeming with the highest levels of PFAS ever found in the animals. Meanwhile, biosolid treatment centers are sources of air and water pollution — the substance is thought to be partly responsible for toxic algae blooms in the Great Lakes and Florida.

A brief history of sewage sludge

Before the 1973 Clean Water Act (CWA), industry discharged its waste directly into the nation's waterways. Rivers became so polluted that those in industrial regions like Michigan and Ohio regularly caught fire.

The CWA mandated a proliferation of wastewater treatment plants that would take in human and industrial waste via the nation's expanding sewer system, then spit out clean water into its rivers.

America's waters quit burning, but the solution presented a new problem — sewage sludge. At first, it was dropped in the ocean, but that created large dead zones. Then industry tried burning it, but that often violated the Clean Air Act.

Despite the fact that sludge was too toxic for the ocean or air, the EPA in 1993 approved a rule change that would allow it to be spread on farmland. Lewis says scientists at the agency uniformly opposed the idea, but leadership pressed forward with approval.

"Not a single study demonstrated that this practice was safe," he adds.

These days, when sludge isn't spread on farmland, it's either landfilled or, in some cases, incinerated with pollution controls.

Raising a stink in rural Michigan

Several years ago, Yankee Springs resident Willard Case made an alarming discovery — nitrate levels in his property's wells had spiked.

While nitrates are found naturally in groundwater, and at low levels aren't a problem, high levels can cause health problems, especially for children and pregnant women. Case contacted local health authorities, but says they only instructed him to dig more wells to find clean water.

However, his attempts to do so only yielded contaminated water, and Case says the source of the contamination is obvious: A neighboring business had applied one million gallons of sludge to its property, while two other farmers in the small farm town 35 minutes south of Grand Rapids filled their fields with biosolids.

Case says he contacted EGLE and the agency found PFAS in the sludge, but it isn't initiating a cleanup. It tested for PFAS, but Case says he's worried about other chemicals that could be in the biosolids or in his well. He calls the situation "disturbing."

"They're only checking for PFAS because that's the loudest bell ringing, but I think there are other chemicals in there," Case says. "They're injecting the ground with this stuff and impregnating it with chemicals that we can't control. We're going to lose these beautiful farm fields."

Case's problems with his neighbors' sludge is emblematic of the types of disputes playing out in rural areas across Michigan. Neighbors of farmers who spread sludge say they fear well contamination and pollution of local waterways that serve entire farm communities. Several farmers told Metro Times that the smell is terrible. Don Dickerson, a farmer with land in Michigan and Ohio, said he found his home and property coated in sludge dust after his neighbor applied it.

While Michigan municipalities can't specifically prohibit farmers from spreading sludge, Summerfield Township, which sits about 20 miles west of Monroe, passed a broad waste disposal ordinance that covers potential contamination and is applicable to all industries.

Summerfield Township Supervisor John Chandler says the township's leaders are responding to a public health need and demand from residents who don't want it spread near their homes.

"Maybe sludge is safe and maybe it's not so safe," Chandler says. "But it's too risky. We stand on that as a township, and say 'Go spread it somewhere else' because we don't want it here. Nobody I know is for sludge, and I would say anybody who would be for it is likely a farmer who wants free fertilizer."

The earth in the region around Summerfield is cracked and filled with sinkholes, Chandler adds, and that makes sludge especially risky in terms of contaminating groundwater and wells.

"My worry is what the heck is in it?" Chandler asks. "And how would you ever remediate that?"

Is free fertilizer worth the cost and risk?

Case says there's too much at stake.

"It's crazy — they're playing Russian roulette with our health," he says.

PFAS: A farm-to-table toxin

For years, Michigan regulators told residents that biosolids were safe as farmers unknowingly spread PFAS-laden sludge on cropland. Then it became clear that PFAS presents a threat to human health.

Over the last two years, EGLE discovered PFAS in sludge at 41 wastewater treatment plants, but the agency has only tested about a quarter of the state's 400 facilities. It ultimately ordered five plants to stop sending sludge to farmers.

Public health advocates say the PFAS issue highlights biosolids' fundamental problem — no one knows what other dangerous chemicals are lurking in it.

"Regulators completely miss emerging contaminants — like PFAS — as well as pharmaceuticals and a whole host of other chemicals used widely today that find their way into crops," says Colin O'Neil, legislative director at Environmental Working Group, which tracks PFAS contamination.

PFAS, or per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances, are toxic chemicals used to make a wide range of products water- and stain-resistant. About 7,500 varieties exist, and those that have been studied are linked to cancer, thyroid disorders, autoimmune disorders, deformities in newborns, liver disease, and a range of other serious health issues.

Current surface water recommendations are set at 70 parts per trillion for PFOS and PFOA — two types of PFAS — in drinking water. In sludge, the state has found an alarming median of nearly 70,000 ppt in sludge, though there are no environmental quality standards for biosolids.

State records pulled from the MIWaters website show how the dangerous chemicals can make their way from industry to Michiganders' food.

In November 2018, a US Ecology-owned toxic-waste landfill in Van Buren Township discharged water with PFOS levels as high as 60 ppt. Records show neighboring landfills sent out water with levels as high as 420 ppt.

En route to a wastewater treatment plant, that mixed with PFAS-laden discharge from the region's other industries. The plant treated the sludge and produced biosolids with 25 different types of PFAS totaling over 32,000 ppt.

The biosolids were then shipped out to farmers and spread onto cropland or sent to landfills. Though there are no limits on PFAS in biosolids, the 32,000 ppt should raise alarm, O'Neil says.

"Where they're finding PFAS, [farmers] need to be alerted to that fact, as that might inform whether or not they choose to spread biosolids on the farm in the first place," he says.

In a written statement to Metro Times, Dean says EGLE doesn't directly alert farmers when high levels of the chemicals are found in sludge.

'We can all surmise that it's not good'

So how much PFAS and other dangerous contaminants ultimately make it to our food? That's unclear, but there's evidence that it does, and that's especially true for PFAS, which easily move through the environment.

Still, regulators haven't acted quickly, and there's no clear picture of the health impact, says Denise Trabbic-Pointer, a former DuPont chemist who now tracks PFAS contamination for the Sierra Club.

"We can all surmise that it's not good, but nobody knows what the number is," she says. "I wish that [regulators] would put a little more effort into looking at it, worrying about it, and following through on it."

A recent veterinary study found that sludge caused reproductive problems in sheep grazing in fields on which farmers spread sludge. The findings "highlight potential risks" for humans and animals, said Dr. Richard Lea, the study's author.

"There are quite worrying implications for female fertility in the human," he wrote, adding that "there's a very high chance" that the chemicals would end up in humans who eat the meat.

Researchers found the sheep had absorbed high levels of phthalates and PCBs, which each cause a range of serious health problems like cancer and early puberty in children.

Multiple other studies found pharmaceuticals and other chemicals in plants grown in sludge.

In Maine, farmers who spread biosolids on a cattle farm have blood with the highest PFAS levels on record in a Maine resident.

Even though Michigan agriculture officials have acknowledged that PFAS are in the state's cows, an official said last year that regulators won't test milk, for fear of the damage it could do to the dairy industry.

Safe sludge?

EGLE's Dean, however, notes that the state is taking some serious steps to reduce PFAS levels in sludge. In some cases, PFOA and PFOS levels dropped by about 90% after EGLE identified industries discharging the chemicals into sewers and required them to stop doing so.

EGLE is also testing fields on which contaminated biosolids have been spread to determine how much PFAS is in soil and crops. That will give regulators a clearer picture of how much of the chemical moves from the sewer to Michiganders' dinner plates. PFAS have already been found in corn in a Lapeer field.

"EGLE is a leader in studying PFAS in biosolids through our work to protect public drinking water from these contaminants," Dean says.

In a written statement sent to Metro Times, the Great Lakes Water Authority stressed that it follows the law in testing for contaminants and said it monitors for new pollutants of concern, like PFAS.

"As regulatory agencies identify emerging pollutants, GLWA works with the agencies to develop and implement plans to minimize or eliminate the pollutant from our wastewater discharge," a spokesperson wrote.

But critics say there are flaws in EGLE's approach. It's only regulating two of the 7,500 types of PFAS, though it will soon start testing for five more. It also doesn't consider the cumulative total of each type of PFAS. In a hypothetical scenario, water could have dozens of different types of PFAS that collectively present a dangerous level of the chemicals. But if each is below its individual recommended limit, then it's considered safe.

Despite the uncertainty, Dean says EGLE won't act until it can be proven that the PFAS levels in biosolids are unsafe. He also claimed that there isn't evidence to show that all varieties of PFAS found in water are toxic. However, there's a growing body of data that shows all PFAS present a danger — including the chemical companies' own science and reports from the EPA.

The state's approach puts residents' health and safety second to industry, says McGillivray. She argued that the state should gather data to prove that sludge is safe before allowing it to be spread on the state's food supply.

Moreover, even if all the PFAS are removed from sludge, "every toxic organic chemical that exists on the planet, and everything in municipal and industrial waste remains," says former EPA scientist Lewis.

"When you potentially mix every chemical that exists, you get a mixture that has everything in the universe of pollutants, neurotoxins, carcinogens — you can't get away from that," Lewis adds. "So pulling one chemical out of the universe isn't going to make a difference."

***

https://www.metrotimes.com/detroit/toilet-to-table-michigan-farmers-feed-crops-with-toxic-brew-of-human-and-industrial-waste/Content?oid=25017830

#EPA #food safety #environmental #eat shit and die #agriculture and farming

20 notes · View notes

creationcitystreet-em · 3 years

Text

His Southern Belle 1

Masterlist Full book 1 summary in the link

Chapter 1

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC (face claim: Rose Leslie)

Word count: ~2450

Summary: Maddi starts her new school in Brooklyn and meets some new friends.

Warnings: none

Author’s Note: I started this fic when I was still in high school, and I have worked really hard on it since. I’m not a fan of some of my writing from earlier chapters, but I don’t want to change them until I at least finish writing the entire story. I will be updating this fic here on tumblr one chapter a day until I am caught up with where I am at on the other platforms I’ve posted it. If you’d like to read ahead of that schedule, you can check them out on from the links on my masterlist. I just also wanted to make the fic available here on tumblr with the rest of my fandom interactions, so this is the plan to do that!

Unless otherwise indicated, all date entries are from Maddi’s POV.

September 5, 1932

I stood in front of the small class while my new teacher introduced me. I was in my best knee length dress trying to make the best first impression but I quickly realized the style in my hometown was very different from that of teenagers in New York. The girls seemed to have a little more money than my family as they wore nicer clothes and styled their hair to the newest fashion. My long red curls were probably a little too messy and I didn't wear the same socks and shoes as the them. I tried not to show how uncomfortable I felt when our teacher asked me to say my name to the class. I smiled and said "My name is Madeline Bennett, but my Mama and Daddy called me Maddi." I immediately heard laughter from the students and it made me feel twice as self conscious. It must be my accent, people in Brooklyn definitely sounded different than those in Tennessee. As soon as the teacher let me sit, I chose the only empty seat next to small and skinny boy with blond hair. He smiled at me but it was not cruel like the other kids when I walked to my seat, so I gave a small smile back.

During lunch, I sat alone until I heard the sound of a boy talking in front of me, "hey new girl, you know I can show you around if you want. I know some great places we can sneak off to together." I politely declined as I could tell his intentions did not seem innocent. He continued to push "Come on, look I know a lot of people laughed at you in class, but I can keep you safe baby doll. Once you're with me, nobody will be laughing." I immediately looked back down at my food trying to ignore the group of boys as they snickered behind the nameless boy who talked to me. I could tell this was probably a trick considering they were clearly still mocking me like before, and I just wanted to be left alone. I tried to hold back tears as I thought about how much I wished I could go back home with my family. I didn't want to be in Brooklyn hundreds of miles away from the only home I ever knew. I didn't want make new friends or learn how to live with a new family I barely knew. I wanted my safe little town where everyone knew who I was and nobody would dare pick on me unless they wanted my brother going after them. I missed my brother more than I ever would have admitted to him.

Just then, two more boys came to my table and I thought it would only get worse. "Leave her alone Jason, she clearly doesn't want to talk to you right now," the smaller of the two said. I now recognized him as the boy I sat next to in class.

"Alright Rogers, what are you going to do to stop me?" It was a fair questions, the boy was half a foot smaller than Jason and clearly much skinnier than the already developing teen.

"Listen Gally, I know you can see me standing right next to Steve here so you clearly should know when to keep your mouth shut. Now the lady said no earlier so I think you should respect her wishes and take your friends and leave." Jason Gally stared at the taller boy, who looked more like a man, and finally decided to leave. I continued to remain frozen in place after everything that happened, until I saw the two that helped me start to walk away as well.

"Wait!" I called to them as I wanted to tell them I appreciated what they did. They turned around and looked at me and I gathered up all the courage I had left to keep talking despite knowing they will clearly hear my accent. "Thank you for that. I got your name, Steve, but I didn't really catch yours," I said to the taller one.

"James Barnes, but everyone calls me Bucky."

"Well Bucky, Steve, thank you again."

"It was no problem, Maddi right?" Steve questioned to make sure he remembered my name correctly. I was pleasantly surprised and nodded my head yes.

I took a leap of faith and suddenly asked, "would y'all like to sit with me?" They stared at me for a second and I tried to explain myself quickly, "It's just that I'm new and don't have any friends yet. You two were so kind to stand up for me and I just wanted to know if maybe you would want to sit with me." I prayed I didn't just scare the two nice people in front of me off, but then they looked at each other and sat down across the table from me. I started to smile as they began to ask me about where I was from and why I moved to Brooklyn. "I'm from Tennessee, and I moved here to live with my Aunt and Uncle. They're the only family I really have left." they stayed quiet knowing I didn't want to go too deep into that subject just yet. The two nodded and didn't push anymore about it. I was very grateful for that.

It was towards the end of lunch and Steve said "Well Maddi, I'm glad we met you. Bucky is a year older than us but we still hang out after school. Where do you live, maybe we can walk home together?" I told them the general area I moved to and they both eagerly said they lived near there. We made plans to meet after school and for a brief second I thought that maybe moving to the big city wouldn't have been as terrible as I initially thought. I wished I could be back home, but knowing that I would never get to go back, having a couple friendly people here was the best I could ask for.

September 24, 1932

“How has school been going, Maddi?” Aunt Lily asked as I ate dinner with her and Uncle Ryan.

“Alright. I made a couple friends, but I don’t really seem to fit in with the class. They dress and talk different than back home.” I played with my food a bit while I thought about how the last couple weeks have been. Steve and Bucky were definitely very nice to call friends and I liked spending time with them, but girls still gave me strange looks and boys would bother me if I wasn’t with my new companions.

“Well, our neighbors have a granddaughter on the other side of town about a year or two older than you. I’ll see if she has any extra dresses you can have,” Aunt Lily offered. I knew she and Uncle Ryan felt bad for not having enough money to spend on me, but I really didn’t mind. With their two children already grown and moved across the country, they didn’t exactly plan to pay for an extra mouth to feed. Times were hard enough as it was without unexpected expenses. I never actually met these family members before: we never had the money to travel, but I heard about them a lot.

September 30, 1932

I wore my new dress that seemed to match more with the girls at school and it made me feel a little less nervous, but I also felt sad to be giving up more and more from my life in Tennessee. I sat with Steve and Bucky at lunch like I did everyday, and we talked about frivolous things until I asked Steve what was in the book he always carried around.

“It’s a sketch pad, I like to draw,” he said shyly.

“Can I see?” I asked and he hesitantly handed me his sketch pad and I flipped through the pages in awe. Each piece of paper had beautifully drawn pictures of buildings and landscapes. He had a few with people, but one close up of a young woman and man who looked in their early 20s. “Who are they?” I curiously questioned.

“That’s my parents,” he said quietly. “It’s from a picture when they were newly married. I don’t really remember my dad, he died in the Great War.”

“I’m sorry,” I said hoping I didn’t make him feel sad as I knew how it felt to lose a parent. “I lost my ma when I was young too, not as young but still I was 5 when she got sick.”

“Is that why you moved?” Bucky asked me.

“No, I still lived with my daddy and brother, Alex, until this summer when a storm hit and they both died. I was with a friend when it hit and a tornado took down my entire house and my family inside.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry Maddi,” Steve said as I fought back a few tears thinking about what happened.

“Don’t worry about it. I was lucky to have Aunt Lily and Uncle Ryan to take me when they heard, and now I got to meet you two so that’s good I guess.” I tried to look towards the better things in situations but it was always hard.

“Well, you’re officially our friend so there’s no getting out of it now,” Bucky said with a smirk.

“Only now it’s official? What has been the last month then?” I asked with a laugh.

“A trial friendship,” Steve stated smiling.

“Yeah, just to make sure you weren’t crazy or anything” said Bucky.

“I’m glad y’all think I’m worthy of being your friend then!” I winked at them as I continued the joke. We all laughed as we finished our food and headed back to class for the day.

December 24, 1932

“The snow is so beautiful on Christmas,” I sighed as I walked through the park with Steve and Bucky like we sometimes did together.

“It sure is, but I’ve always wanted to see snow where there were no buildings in sight. Just miles of it with nothing else to mess the blanket of white up,” Steve told me as we saw children running through the already played in snow.

“That is a sight to see, but I think that's just wasted? Look at how happy all this available snow makes everyone, that’s something worth drawing.” I said this as I knew that was one of the reasons he probably liked the idea of untouched snow: to be able to draw the scene. “Draw me and Bucky!”

“What?” Bucky questioned, not sure what he had to do with this topic.

“Draw us playing in the snow,” I requested with a smile. Bucky quickly got the idea and ran towards a clean pile. He made a snowball and threw it directly at me hitting me on the shoulder. “Alright Barnes, you have it coming to you now!” and I laughed while I ran to make a snowball as well except I missed when throwing it at him. He laughed at me until I made another and hit him square in the face. I heard a chuckle from Steve and I looked over at him sitting on a nearby bench watching us and making small rough sketches in his book. “Come one Steve, put it to memory and come play with us!” He looked slightly surprised for a second until he put his book down and came over to join our snowball fight. We did this for about an hour until we sat down on the bench to rest. Steve quickly went right back to his book to continue his scene he started on. We sat in silence for a while just taking in the day.

“What are your holiday plans, Maddi?” Bucky asked.

“I’m not sure. We haven’t really talked about it. We’ll probably go to Mass tonight and I got a small present for my aunt and uncle tomorrow. I don’t really expect much of a present for myself; besides, my favorite part has always been Christmas Eve Mass. My daddy and Alex and I would go and then always visit mama after. I guess I can’t see any of them this year since their all buried in Tennessee.” I had never really thought of that until now and it quickly took away all of my joy from playing in the snow before. “They would have liked you guys,” I added before they could reply. “You're both gentlemen and passionate about what you care for.”

“They’d like Bucky,” Steve tried to clarify as he continued to draw.

“No, they’d like you both,” I told him with confidence. “Especially you, your heart is much more kind than this silly guy sitting next to me,” I laughed as I sat between them and gestured towards Bucky.

“Hey!” Bucky said with a smile. “Just because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it!” Steve just stayed quiet and had a slight blush on his face.

I put my arms around both their necks and said “thank you for making Brooklyn more bearable.”

“You did that,” Steve said as he looked at me and I smiled back at him.

December 25, 1932

There was a knock on the door and I went to answer it. When I opened the door, Steve stood there waiting and I gave him a surprised smile. “Hey,” he started. “I know today is mostly spending with family so I’ll try to be quick. I just wanted to give you your present.”

“Steve, you didn’t have to get me anything!” I began to feel bad as I had nothing to give in return.

“It’s nothing, here.” He handed me a piece of paper and I saw it was a beautiful drawing of Bucky and I in the snow from the previous day. I just stared at it for a few seconds in awe before he continued, “Sorry it isn’t that detailed, I was trying to finish as quick as I could and the shading might not be-” I cut him off by hugging him.

“I love it!” I said as he wrapped his arms back around me. “I love the art you make, it’s so good. Thank you for giving me one, it really means a lot.” We both let go and and he was redder than I had ever seen him before.

“Well, I’ll keep that in mind,” he said with a chuckle. We then said our goodbyes and he went back home to spend the rest of the day with his mother.

Next Chapter

2 notes · View notes

thegeminisage · 4 years

Text

the south is like another country

i have an entire essay on how the current radicalism and steep political divide in this country can be traced directly back to the civil war - rural white southerners here playing the part pre-ww2 germany, the part of a resentful, conquered nation assimilated into the nation that conquered them, because if you think about it the south/the confederacy WAS its own nation for a time, that lost a very bloody war, and paid very steeply for it (not that slavers didn’t deserve every bit of misery the “carpetbaggers” threw at them), and the bitterness from that loss/the lost capital from having their slaves freed has been handed down through the generations, to people who now live in abject poverty while their livelihoods are destroyed by late stage capitalism, and their schools are so broke a lot of people here don’t even know how to read, and their towns are eaten alive with meth, and they’re still looked down upon by most of the country for being racist uneducated backwater hicks (to be clear, we should always look down on racism and racists, but it’s not making them any less bitter/ripe for being drawn into the cult of tr*mp’s america and f*cism).

but anyway this post isn’t about that! this post is about how when i go up north and i say “y’all it really is like i’m living in a different country” NOBODY BELIEVES ME. we speak the same language, we’re all americans, right? PFFFFFT. this amazon van thing just drives it home (pun intended). here’s a list of differences from the deep south* to the rest of the country*:

*the deep south here meaning the RURAL deep south. sorry to everyone who lives in cities/the suburbs and/or in border states like maryland and virginia. i’ve been to maryland and virginia and they are technically southern and some of this applies to them but it is not quite as extreme as it is here. the rest of the country includes the other states i’ve been to (california, washington state, new york, etc), which are in mostly every area except the midwest. i cannot personally vouch for the midwest. sorry, midwesterners! rural midwest probably has a lot of things in common with the deep south because rural life is different and also how easily people move around this country, but whatever

this is a long-ass post get ready

difference #1: DRIVING. driving & pedestrians are entirely different un rural areas vs urban areas. for starters, southern towns often do not even have sidewalks. this is because of 1. budget and 2. racism.

budget: rural towns are very spread out, and it costs major $$$ to put sidewalks in. it’s just not worth the trouble, financially, to put a sidewalk where only 12 people are ever going to use it, AND spend the money to maintain it. never gonna happen. racism: initially, suburbs especially in the south were seen as safe havens where people could get away from the stress of living in “urban” (re: integrated) areas. that the neighborhoods were only accessible by car and NOT by people who were too poor (black) to afford automobiles were just an added bonus.

as such, the first time i left the southeast, i was SHOCKED to see people walking and biking WITH (or indifferent to) the flow of traffic. down here we are taught that if you are walking along the road (or biking, because bikers get lumped in with pedestrians down here), it is very very very crucial that you walk against the flow of traffic, because you cannot expect drivers to see you and not mow you down. the onus is on YOU to get out of THEIR way. additionally, walking in knee-high grass along the side of the road sucks, and because there aren’t many people here, the roads are usually totally empty. so oftentimes pedestrians just straight up walk ON the road. and if you do that you absolutely have to be able to see a car coming from a long way away, because rural drivers on completely empty roads tend to take them at extremely high speeds just for fun. the people who live diagonally across from me have had to replace their mailbox four times because folks take that blind curve at 90mph. i had a cat get hit by a car on that road. (they all live indoors now.) i even witnessed a car accident happen there when i was just outside minding my own business. ever see a tire fly 12 feet into the air and come down into someone’s windshield? that’s what happens when you hit power line pole driving like that.

the first time i ever encountered one of those pedestrian crossing buttons was in california in the early 2010s. i had literally never seen one before because we simply don’t have them here. they’re not very self-explanatory if you have been jaywalking your whole entire life because all you’re taught to do is look both ways and make sure the street is empty before you cross. northern/urban roadways are made so that pedestrians and drivers can both get to where they’re going. in rural/southern areas pedestrians might as well not bother.

interestingly, while not an entirely southern problem, there’s a loose correlation between rural areas and more problems with drunk drivers.

on the driving side, driving in a city is batshit insane. it’s both faster and slower. there is NO space and you’re expected to go whenever you have so much as an inch to worm your way in. there’s more traffic, and the traffic totally dictates your speed. in the south you can change lanes if you want to drive faster or slower and weave around traffic or let it weave around you, but in a city there’s no other lane to change to and if you don’t drive at the speed of the people ahead of and behind you you will die. you turn fast, you brake fast, etc. whenever i come back from driving in a city the people who ride with me think i’m insane. you don’t PULL ONTO A ROAD if you can SEE ANOTHER CAR THERE, what the fuck? meanwhile i’m like “lol that is six miles of space i have plenty of time” and give everyone in my vicinity heart palpitations until i readjust.

tailgating in a rural area is something only assholes do (done by people on a two-lane road to encourage the person in front of them to go faster because the only other lane is for oncoming traffic), and if someone gets within one car length of me on a two-lane road i can very passively aggressively slow my vehicle to a crawl until they back the fuck off. in a city you’re lucky if you have a twelve inches between your bumper and the next car’s hood ornament.

difference #2: LANGUAGE. this is a small one, but the southern dialect combined with the lack of literacy means i am learning certain things late in life. phrases i have heard verbally with my ears but had never seen written out include: “chest of drawers” which i thought was “chester drawers” - “seven year itch” which i thought was “seven year each” - “albeit” which i thought was “i’ll be it.” i’ve made a deliberate effort to unlearn mine own accent/dialect but i run into weird shit all the time. remotes are mashers, shopping carts are buggies, you put stuff up instead of putting it away, i fix you a drink instead of pouring you one, we shoot the game instead of play it. my mom LITERALLY can’t understand me if i speak too quickly - she has to remind me all the time to slow down and put on my southern.

difference #3: TECHNOLOGY. issue of whether or not you personally have the creepy amazon vans aside, the rural south is behind the rest of the country on technology. things in cities are AUTOMATED. things like the little button you press to cross the street, tickets you take at parking garages, even the parking meters you find in cities, that’s just the beginning of it. one time i came across a little computer touch screen in a MCDONALDS where you put your order in. you didn’t even go up to the counter. you just put your order on the screen and swiped your card and then they got it ready for you and you never had to speak to a human person. self-checkouts, gas pumps where you can swipe your card and not go in and pay at first...the south got those YEARS behind everybody else. in the mid-2010s i went to DC and visited a target for maybe the 5th time ever and i was BAFFLED by the self-checkout. i had no idea how to use it! it was like less than ten years ago and i was IN MY TWENTIES and i had never seen one before! when we send a package we have to talk to a human person. when we order food we usually have to talk to a human person. apps for places like dominos and subway have not been in use here for very long. my county just got doordash LAST YEAR.

because i am 31, and because the south is so technologically behind, i am actually old enough to remember how when you used to go to a gas station an attendant would not only pump your gas but wash your windshield for you while you just SAT IN THE CAR. that seems like something from the 50s but it actually was a thing here in my childhood IN the 90s. i wish i was making this up.

difference #4: INFRASTRUCTURE. this sort of goes hand-in-hand w/ the last point because so much of our infrastructure is made of technology, and it’s also more of a rural/urban thing than a south/north thing. but just for fun here’s a non-exhaustive list of things i don’t have in my town:

starbucks* - the first time i went to a starbucks i was in my 20s

a public pool - we used to, but now the only pool here requires a YMCA membership. the only baseball diamond in this county is also at the Y.

walmart

in fact, ANYWHERE to buy clothes that is not a goodwill or other secondhand store. i cannot buy clothing unless i order it online or LEAVE MY TOWN. almost all of the clothing i own is from walmart because it’s one of the only places in my entire county where you can actually PURCHASE clothing.

grocery store chains? pffft. my town has two entire stores and both are small southern chains. i didn’t go into a publix for the first time until two years ago when i went to florida. i’ve NEVER entered a whole foods.

food delivery? yeah, no. like i said, we got doordash last year, but before that the only place you could get delivery from was a pizza chain. we only have two pizza places in my town that deliver, and one is a local place, not attached to any chain, so i can’t spend my loyalty points there. (it’s very expensive there too.) last year it was CLOSED for six months because the manager got caught dealing meth. every last one of the delivery drivers was trafficking it for him. they all got fired and had to restart from the ground up. for that short time, it was not possible to get any food delivered to your house whatsoever.

a hospital/ambulance services - if someone is sick, we have to take them to the hospital in laurens, the town next door (about 15-20 minutes by car). the town i live in lucky - we have our own police and fire departments. (acab but you know what i mean.) joanna is a smaller town next to mine that isn’t a real town - it’s been demoted to a census designated area because only 2000 people live there. if they have an emergency, they have to use OUR fire and police departments, and LAURENS’s ambulance/hospital system

after-school places kids can go to keep from getting into trouble. we have the Y, if you have money (no one here has money), and we have churches, but mostly schools can’t afford to run too many extracurriculars. there’s nothing to do here but church and meth.

food banks: zero. we have food DRIVES sometimes where people will come from further away and bring free food, but if you’re hungry, there’s nowhere you can go for help - you have to wait for help to come to you.

libraries: we don’t have our own library. we have a branch of the county library that’s physically located in our town. but we share books with the rest of the entire county, so everything is always checked out or at the other branch.

*we technically have a starbucks that’s in the local college campus, but only college students are allowed to be there. they’ll still serve people without a college ID because no one gives a fuck, but you can’t linger and loiter and hang out like you do in a normal starbucks. we also have one in the barnes and noble in greenville, which is about an hour away by car, but again, it’s a mini starbucks that serves a limited menu and none of that weird Starbucks Culture™

here’s a few things i don’t have in my ENTIRE COUNTY:

movie theaters - technically. we have a Historial™ one-screen theater in laurens that shows one movie for two weeks a month after it hits regular theaters and then switches to another, and if you miss it, too bad. this is a VERY recent addition - it wasn’t restores until i was in my 20s as a kid and a teenager i had to ride in a car an hour or more to go to the movies.

target. only commies and yankees have target. down here we do walmart.

malls

arcades

skate parks/skating rinks

bowling

museums

zoos/aquariums

campgrounds

fairs. our county fairground got razed a decade ago because there just werent enough people showing up to justify the expense. so no more fairs. you have to have people to fund things and down here there just aren’t enough people anywhere.

you get the idea. we don’t have entertainment. like i said, nothing to do but church and meth.

CLASSES FOR STUFF: knitting classes, dancing classes, driving classes? nope. gymnastics, karate dojos, golf, knitting groups, books clubs, cooking classes? [GAMESHOW BUZZER]. you can’t even hire a clown for a birthday party out here. we do have a shooting range. ONE. in the entire county. and a race track. and a rather infamous former kkk memorabilia store. they made a movie about that (serious tw for this trailer - they’ve got white hoods, burning crosses, pepper spray, the whole nine), which, yes, takes place in laurens, aka right next door to me. i used to walk by that place all the time when i was playing pokemon go. haven’t seen the movie but the shooting locations in the trailer make laurens look a lot bigger and prettier than it really is in real life - especially the racetrack, which, in the trailer, is actually PAVED. (this is inaccurate to real life.)

EDUCATION: lots of people can’t read. we have two schools for illiterate adults, one religious college, and one branch of one of the state colleges that has a skeleton staff and a fuck ton of computers (you basically just go there to distance learn/e-learn - if you want to take real classes from this college, you have to drive at least an hour.)

support groups/group therapy: almost none. we have al-anon and weight watchers, but that’s about it. there’s only half a dozen therapists in my entire county, and none that operate from my town. mental healthcare down here is bullshit.

on food: we don’t have many sit-down restaurants, where servers bring you your menu and your food. if you don’t count waffle houses, my town has 4. my county has 9. in and out, 5 guys, applebees, ruby tuesday, red lobster, olive garden, panda epxress? forget it. those places were and still are rare treats. i’ve only been to an olive garden twice. red lobster once. whenever i leave my county i BEG for chinese because there’s only two chinese restaurants in our entire county and one of them is crazy expensive and the other one sucks.

we also don’t have the more important stores you need to like, live. if we need to exchange our router at a charter store? yeah, we don’t have one. need to visit the sprint store to get your phone repaired? nuh-uh, we don’t have any phone stores either. my family recently switched to at&t because it was the only company that had a physical location in our county. before that, we had to drive an hour for even the smallest repair.

on a grimer note: we don’t have homeless shelters! homeless in laurens county? too bad for you. we do have homeless PEOPLE. they just have nowhere to go except the churches

hospitals? only kind of. like i said, our county has one, but it’s not equipped to take seriously sick people. when my mom had a heart attack she had to be driven straight to greenwood, which is 45 minutes away if you’re not in an ambulance. they obviously made it faster than that, but still. that was scary. it took them a long time to get here. i had a distant relative of mine die before the ambulance made it because they were SO far out in the sticks, even further than me.

we also don’t have any specialty stores. sporting goods, gamestops, shoe stores, florists, craft stores, bookstores, best buys...forget it. if you can’t buy it at walmart, you just can’t buy it. the exceptions: my TOWN has one jewelry store, two hardware stores, and two auto repair stores. my COUNTY has three clothing stores, none of which are in my town, one place that sells used TVs, and one movie rental place. thrilling, right? i can rent a movie if i drive out of town. (i know streaming killed the rental business, but we also only had two places when i was a kid, if you counted the rental section in the grocery store.)

so, yeah. i know the term “shithole” is really loaded these days, but rural areas are just plain less developed, and often in seriously poor repair because nobody fucking uses them. there USED to be more stuff here - my mom was on a bowling league, and as a kid i had a birthday party at a skating rink - but late stage capitalism and drugs destroyed it all. people ran out of money to do things like skate and bowl and so those places closed. the south is full of empty store fronts and deserted strip malls slowly being eaten by kudzu. my brother got out of this town and whenever he winds up back here (not often) he remarks on how completely and utterly dead everything feels. “my friends who live in greenwood now think they’re all rural,” he said once. “they complain constantly about how remote it is. but they have no idea. they wouldn’t make it five minutes out here.” greenwood has its own movie theater, mall, starbucks, homeless shelter, food bank, and hospital.

so, yeah! if you were wondering what rural white southerners are so fucking mad about, that’s part of it. propaganda and xenophobia and racism has their anger directed ENTIRELY at the wrong people, but it’s hard to argue that the anger itself isn’t just a little bit justified.

difference #5: CULTURE. specifically culture around food, and the culture around the civil war. i could write an entire other essay about the culture of the church being everything because the church IS the only semblance of infrastructure we have and this is why the south is so homophobic, but we’ll skip that for now.

food: this is a quickie, because i sort of touched on it already, but there are like, almost NO vegetarian options here. there’s very limited choices of cuisine. it’s ALL waffle house and soul food. we have a lot of mexican places because we’re physically close to the mexican border, but aside from that, forget finding like indian or thai or japanese or anything like that. no sushi. forget finding a menu that has meals that are halal or kosher. there’s just. no culture here. no variety. you know? like i said, our entire county doesn’t even hit double-digits for proper sit-down restaurants.

civil war: i’m not going to go into the big stuff since i sort of covered it at the top and also this post is getting way too long, but to other white rural southerners there is legitimate baggage around the fact that my mom married a yankee and that i am half-yankee. and he’s not even a real yankee! he was born up north but raised in southern florida. (florida is weird. the further south you go geographically, the less southern you are culturally.) yet: my family makes jokes that are sometimes not jokes about this. when i drop this information in casual conversation people get that look on their faces like: ah, that explains it. it being that i am not religious and don’t laugh at racist jokes and maybe i am queer?? (strangers tend to be unsure about this last part, even when i’m wearing rainbows.) it’s because i’m half-yank! that explains everything! the xenophobia is SO strong here that white people are even xenophobic at OTHER WHITE PEOPLE.

so in conclusion when i say the north is like another country, it’s because the people who raised me think of it like another country. and culturally! it is buck wild! the differences that there are! when i leave this town i feel like i step into fucking star trek! if you are not from the rural south, and you have never been to the rural south, please do not come here! i’ve been to a few different places now and this is definitely my least favorite one.

#personal #i guess #it's ok to rb if you want to though??? tbh i don't think most people will even get to the end lol #anyway here's my college lecture about the south it's not very good or college level actually lmao #this is AIRQUOTE FIELD STUDY AIRQUOTE #the experiences u have as a half-yank white person in the rural south are crazy #bc other white people think you're okay to listen to them say what they REALLY think #and then backtrack rapidly when they realize you aren't #now that i'm grown and woke i can't believe half-yankee is even a thing.#anyway this post brought to you by the maddening realization of how technologically far behind we are #WE DON'T EVEN HAVE THE CREEPY AMAZON VANS #the automated package sending...what i wouldn't give not to have to talk to people to mail stuff #rip. :/

8 notes · View notes

ohblackdiamond · 4 years

Text

little t&a (gene/paul, nc-17) (part 25 of 29)

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13 part 14 part 15 part 16 part 17 part 18 part 19 part 20 part 21 part 22 part 23 part 24 part 25 part 26 part 27 part 28 part 29

Four weeks before KISS gets back on tour, Gene discovers that Paul’s been cursed by a groupie. For the sake of KISS’ finances, Paul’s comfort levels, and Gene’s libido, this crisis must be resolved. Sexswap fic. In this chapter: Gene makes a housecall; Paul gets some advice from Ace over the phone.

It wasn’t a long ride over to that dingy apartment complex.

Gene didn’t know what he was expecting. The place didn’t look any better in the daylight, and when he got out of the car, he saw his driver reach over his seat and start locking all the car doors. He stepped inside alone, walking the craggy flights of steps up to her old apartment number, knocking on the door in what he knew had to be a useless endeavor.

He was a little hopeful when a different girl answered. A pretty thing, really, with curly black hair and sad eyes. A really pretty thing, he could tell that even from the scant few inches she opened the door.

“Yes?”

“Hey.” Gene paused. “I was here a few nights ago. I was wondering if you had a forwarding address for someone who used to live here, Carol—"

“Carol left a couple weeks ago.”

“I know. I’m just trying to find where she went after that.”

“She didn’t pay her share of the rent.” The girl looked Gene up and down, from the baggy sweatpants to the old floral shirt. “We had to kick her out.”

“I know, I—”

“Did something bad happen? Are you with the police or something?”

“I’m not with the police.” Gene tried to think. If the roommates had kicked her out, then that meant she hadn’t been on the lease, right? The apartment manager would’ve had to have her forwarding address if she had been. Wasn’t that how it worked? “She got into some trouble with a rockstar.”

“Trouble?” The girl repeated, with more innocence than Gene could readily believe, at first. “She kept trying to hex one. Kathy got pissed when she spilled some offering on the carpet…”

“Yeah, trouble.” Gene tried to infuse the word with its usual meaning. Babies and under the table payoffs. He couldn’t tell if she took the bait or not. “Can you help me?”

“Her mom lives in Virginia,” she offered. “She’s not from there, though, I think she’s from… I don’t know, Minnesota or Michigan… somewhere that starts with an M…”

That was barely better than no help at all. He tried to pay attention as the girl kept trailing off.

“Her mom’s got scads of money from her dad dying. She helps her out a lot. Carol said if we’d just give her a couple more days, then she’d be good for the next three months. Swore it. Kathy and Bunny wouldn’t have it, though, ’cause between the rent and the occult stuff, she was too wild for us, and—”

“Do you have her mother’s address?”

“No. Well…” She pursed her lips, thinking, and then held a finger up. “Let me look around, maybe there’s an envelope…”

And she scurried back from the door, still leaving it open those few inches as she rummaged around, the door chain keeping him from seeing much of the place at all. He waited, listening to her scuffle across the apartment, rustling through papers, until finally that dark cloud of hair peeked back into existence at the door.

“No. I’m sorry. Oh, but she used to go to discos! You might wanna check CBGB, or the Ice Pa—”

“I’ve done it already,” Gene said, and walked away.

No good. It had been stupid to hope for any new insight. If he really wanted to push it, there was the possibility of finding Carol at 54 again tonight, but Gene doubted she’d be there, and he doubted Paul would want to go there again. He wouldn’t leave Paul at home by himself for a venture like that, either.

Gene had his driver take him to the nearest supermarket immediately after. The driver had weakly offered to take him to a better part of town, but Gene hadn’t cared enough to go those few extra miles for a little more security.

He’d never really gotten his own groceries. When he was off tour, at home, he ate out more often than not, or he went to his mother’s. She always had a smorgasbord at the ready. Always cooking. Gene remembered that early on during tours, when money was tight, Paul and Peter would take it upon themselves to make dinners for the band—they weren’t great—but at least they actually knew what to get and how to fix it. Gene was pushing his shopping cart through the aisles, looking at rows of dried and canned goods and feeling mildly stumped by the whole affair. He’d never paid much attention to how his mother cooked anything, just the end result, so any comfort food from when he’d grown up was out. But maybe…

He settled on a few bottles of Tab, since Peter and Ace had gotten into Paul’s supply of them prior, and then some spaghetti noodles and canned tomatoes. That seemed depressing, so he doubled back to retrieve some fresh tomatoes, mushrooms, and onions as well. Maybe it wouldn’t be that great of a follow-up to matzo ball soup, if he ended up getting it, but it was definitely an improvement to eating peanut-butter sandwiches for dinner. Then he got a box of vanilla wafers, a package of chocolate-chip cookies, and a bunch of bananas.

Gene was nearing the check-out lanes when he felt someone’s eyes on him. He stiffened and stopped, opting not to turn around—it was probably some kid who’d recognized him. Funny how, as long as he’d been with Paul, he hadn’t gotten spotted for who he was once, except on purpose. He pretended to focus all his attention on the label on a bottle of honey, picking it up and inspecting it, waiting for the passerby to either come closer or move on ahead. In a few seconds, he had it—a girl actually scurrying past. A small girl, only carrying a shopping basket and a purse. If he hadn’t caught a glimpse of her pale, freckled face, he wouldn’t have realized who she was.

Absolutely unbelievable. He had to have expended all his luck over the next three years. Quickly, he pushed his cart to the side and tapped her shoulder before she could make it to the check-out line. She turned around, staring at him, eyes wide and stunned. She tried to take a step back, stopping short of even that movement.

“Good morning, Carol.”

Paul woke up abruptly. The day’s newspaper was on Gene’s side of the bed, the sections separated and askew. He didn’t bother pushing them aside, just reached over to check the clock on the nightstand, finding the note Gene left behind. He reread it once, twice, trying to ignore the paranoid, curdling sensation in his gut, the idea that Gene might have just gotten tired of him and tried to find a quick exit, at least for awhile. He wouldn’t have blamed him, not after last night. Not after four nights and five days of putting up with him.

But Gene was bringing him back food. No, more than that, he was bringing him back matzo ball soup and probably a deli sandwich, and whatever Gene thought constituted real groceries. If he was really leaving, he wouldn’t have bothered to specify. Gene must’ve assumed Paul would sleep late enough to start the day with lunch, and, looking at the clock, he hadn’t been too far off. It was fifteen until eleven.

He sighed, stretching out a bit before getting up and pulling on some clothes. All he had left was the dress he’d bought, the one he’d decided wasn’t nice enough for Studio 54. Just a cream and gold colored sundress. Softer colors than he’d usually have opted for. He picked absently at the thin straps. He never felt more fake than when he was alone, even before all this happened.

The phone rang before he could decide what else to do, whether to wait on Gene or eat something or waste awhile in front of the T.V. It startled him a little. Ever since Gene had come, he’d rarely been in the house enough to hear it ring. Another cushion from reality.

He ignored it. It kept ringing. Six times. Seven. Eventually, the answering machine tape started up, and he heard his own, actual voice, another piece of bewilderment.

“Hey, this is Paul Stanley. If you’ll leave your name and number, I’ll be in touch as soon as I can. Thanks.”

“Paul, this is Ace, I—”

Paul grabbed the phone, sudden relief flooding into him.

“Ace?”

“Who’s this?” A pause, and then. “Paul?”

Paul leaned over the answering machine, gingerly unplugging it to keep the tape from running while he spoke.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s me.”

“Sorry I’m late calling. Gene got you back home the other night?”

“Yeah.”

“Still not normal yet.” Ace sighed. “What’s she want out of you? You never told me.”

“Nothing I can’t do.”

“Virgin sacrifice?”

Paul froze up for a second, the phone feeling like a rock in his hand. No way had Gene told the guys. No way. It was a moment or two before he could force a small laugh.

“You’re not too far off.”

“Shit, do you have to kill someone? Keep the tits, it’s not worth—”

“No! I—forget it, man. I don’t have to hurt anybody. I can do it.”

He expected Ace to push for a better answer than that, but he didn’t. God. Ace knew the fate of the whole band sat right on Paul’s shoulders, and yet he didn’t want to ask for a better explanation. Maybe he didn’t give a fuck. Maybe he wanted to go out on his own. Maybe him and Peter were just chomping at the bit to splinter off from the group. Why shouldn’t they? Paul was ruining everything for them just as readily as he was ruining everything for Gene. Paul took a deep breath, tried to convince himself he wasn’t being rational, but the impressions were still wobbling in his brain even when Ace started to talk again.

“Peter was gonna check on you, but he’s still kinda…” Ace trailed. “So I told him not to worry about it. You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You really okay?”

“Yeah, Ace.”

“Nobody screwed around with you?”

“Ace, if you want a play-by-play of two nights ago, I’m sure you—”

“Okay, okay. Just making sure. Pete’s real worried about you.”

“’M okay.”

“He lit into Gene for letting you go off.”

“He shouldn’t have. It was fine.” God. Gene had told him. Or Peter had called the house. One or the other. Paul swallowed. Something about it hurt, almost made his eyes burn. Weird, how that was. Weird how knowing all the guys really did give a shit about him would be enough to nearly induce tears. Maybe he was just that stressed and worn out. He could almost picture Ace’s mild, affable, probably-hungover look, and that helped him blink back anything incriminating.

“Oh, and you got in the paper, too.”

“No shit?”

“No shit. Not front page, but you’re in the entertainment section—”

Paul scrambled for the newspaper, flipping through the sections. He nearly didn’t recognize his own picture—funny, when he’d been staring at that face for over a week now—but there he was, arm and arm with Gene in a corner photo. Gene’s face was still covered, and Paul was leaning in heavily against him, mouth parted in a strained attempt at a smile. Two days ago. Two days ago and the firmness and warmth of Gene’s hold, the smell of his sweat, all of that had only gotten all the more familiar. All the more something he needed instead of just longed for. Something secure. Something meaningful.

“Gene got his picture after all.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. ‘Tongue-waggling KISS bassist Gene Simmons cozies up to a Miss Isen at Studio 54,’” Paul read dryly. “They misspelled my name.”

“You look sweet.”

“I look awful.”

“Give yourself some credit. You make a hot chick.” Ace laughed. Not maliciously. Paul didn’t think the guy was really capable of being malicious. He hesitated, running his free hand down his knee, smoothing the material of the dress, before responding.

“Can I ask you something, Ace?”

“Sure, Paulie.”

“It’s a… it’s a thought experiment.”

“Don’t get all pretentious and shit. I know you dropped out of college.”

Paul had never been more grateful that he couldn’t see Ace on the other end of the line. He’d have given himself away already otherwise. He swallowed thickly.

“Ace—this is all just—hypothetical. Let’s say… let’s say you got told you could have what you wanted.”

“Then I’d wait on the catch.”

Paul could feel his mouth twitch up into an unwilling, dry smile.

“The catch is, you could only get it once, and that was it. Just once. Would you still take it?”

Ace didn’t hesitate.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“’Cause I’d rather have something once than never have it.”

“I’m not like that. If I couldn’t—if I couldn’t keep having something, I’d never—”

“All or nothing, right, Paul?” Paul could hear Ace rustling something on the other end of the line. Papers, maybe. “You can’t go through life like that, you’ll never be satisfied. You gotta compromise.”

“You compromise everything.”

“’M happier for it.”

“You can’t be. Compromising… it’s just giving up, isn’t it?”

“No. Paulie—” Ace made a short, weird sound, almost like he was sucking the spit off his teeth. “You always think you’re figuring on the long term, and you’re not.”

“I am—”

“You’re not. Hear me out, man. You think there’s any guarantees anywhere? Look at the band—”

“This isn’t about the band—”

“’S just an example. We got our big hit. Now what if—what if that’s the best we ever do? Whether you get your dick back or not, what if that’s as good as it ever gets?”

“That… that can’t happen.” It felt like something was stuck in his throat. This wasn’t how he’d expected this to go, not at all. “We just got really big, it can’t be over that quick. There’s no way. Ace, we…”

“What if it is, Paul? What would you say?” Ace’s words sped up in a still-lazy rattle. “What if we go bust a year from now?”

“Don’t talk like that, man.”

“You need to hear it. This ain’t gonna last any way you slice it, don’t kid yourself.” Paul’s stomach churned as he heard the click of a pop top on the other end of the line, and Ace taking a swig and a swallow. “We’ll wear out our welcome. Maybe we already have. Nobody lasts in music.”

“Elvis—”

“Elvis is a joke, Paulie.” Another long gulp. “And if you get past his age, what else d’you got? You got—you got Bing Crosby dragging his own corpse out there every fucking year for his Christmas special. Been wailing out ‘White Christmas’ since World War II. If we’re still playing ‘Cold Gin’ when we’re forty-five, I hope to God someone takes us out back and shoots us.”

Paul chewed his lip. He felt grimmer now than when he’d picked up the phone, almost distracted out of what he’d really been trying to ask of Ace. Ace, who kept up with weird shit like space shuttles and went on drunken rambles about the aliens who’d made him small. Ace, who he’d assumed was just along for the ride on everything. Paul felt an odd curdling in his gut, something like shame for assuming he and Gene were the only ones who ever thought ahead. For writing off Ace and Peter like their myriad addictions made them stupid.

“Shit, Ace, you’re usually a little more positive—”

“’M just trying to make a point here.” Ace blew out a breath loud enough that Paul could hear it over the phone. “If this is as good as it gets, would you say you don’t want it? Would you say you wanted to turn it all back around? Me and you driving cabs? Gene teaching school again? Pete—”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Because we’re gonna do better than that, that’s why! I-I’ll write whatever crossover songs I’ve got to, we’ll keep on touring, and—”

“But you don’t know that.”

“I do know that!”

“Nah, Paulie. You don’t know that.” Ace let out an odd sound, halfway between a laugh and a sigh. “You’re just betting on it. Ought to bet on something a little more certain.”

“Like what?”

“Like Geno getting over you not having tits.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“That’s got nothing to do with—did he—shit, what did he tell you?”

“Jesus, your voice gets real squeaky. Did it always do that?” Ace said it so mildly, as always. Ace couldn’t even bitch properly when Paul had his whole career dangling on the line. “I haven’t talked to him since we came over.”

“Then—”

“You’re like a glass of water, Paulie, just see-through. You ain’t fooling anyone. Listen, do what you’ve gotta do. But don’t do it based on anybody but yourself.”

“I’ll call you back later, Ace.”

“Okay, girlie.”

Paul hung up before Ace managed a goodbye on the other end. His heart was thudding harder than ever.

#kiss the band #kiss fanfiction #paul stanley #gene simmons #gene simmons x paul stanley #ace frehley

9 notes · View notes

yamayamawrites · 3 years

Text

Castaway AU - Coming Later This Winter!

Hey friends! If you’ve been following me for a while you probably know/have heard that I’m working on another big fic to rival Mr. Loverman (which you can find here on ao3 if you haven’t read it yet, it’s 20 chapters and ~103K completed). And as a special treat for all of you who follow me on here, I wanted to share a sneak peek of what’s to come! I’m super excited about this one guys, I have a beta reader and everything (she’s the best, an absolute gem)!!

But first, I need to tell you what it’s about. Izuku is a famous photographer/social media celebrity, just returned home from yet another trip abroad. He decides to take his sailboat out for a trip to get some final photos and top off his portfolio for the month, but he ends up falling asleep on his boat. What happens when he wakes up on the shore of a secluded island with a strange man shaking him awake?

(Please forgive me, I haven’t touched up the summary just yet.)

Anyways, if you’re interested in reading a sneak peek of the first chapter, please click the ‘read more’ option below!

June 30, 06:48am

It’s hard not to feel some sort of rush, being awake this early.

Izuku has always been a morning person, and even more so in the summertime, when the sun wakes with him. Like today! The sun is up just moments after he is, peeking out from the shroud of ocean it hid behind. Izuku is home today, his second night home after his latest trip (he’d gone to Norway, and of course taken photos of everything). He recovered from his jet lag – yesterday he slept in until nine in the morning and was disgusted with himself – and has his swim trunks and an unbuttoned Hawaiian tee on before the sun can even cast a glare on his floor.

He lives in Horiuchi, a small town with a beautiful beach. His apartment is small – mostly because he spends so little time in his actual apartment that it’s more of a postcard address than anything. It has a single bedroom, a kitchen with a dining table crammed in its center, and a living space about big enough for Izuku’s couch and a wall-mounted television. And even then, Izuku often ends up vaulting the couch to get through.

But the balcony is beautiful, outstretching over his view of Morito Coast. The apartment isn’t as costly as some of the others with worse views, probably in part because this isn’t a vacation town but also because nobody wants to live in the shoebox Izuku lives in. Before him, there hadn’t been an inhabitant in the apartment in well over six months, and they gave Izuku a pretty hefty discount on the place even though Izuku said he’d take it full price.

Izuku throws back the curtains to his balcony door (after vaulting his couch), allows the sunlight to wash over the ground. He opens the balcony door wide, the fresh sea air pouring into his apartment, the cool wash of the last remnants of summer night coming through. It almost makes him shiver, and it does push his rowdy curls into even more awkward angles than before, but he opens his arms anyway to the fresh air.

He pulls his phone from his pocket and snaps a picture, as he always does on mornings he’s home. Though he isn’t around much in the summer, the photos of the sun rising over Morito Coast always seem to be more popular than the rest, and Izuku supposes he will never truly know why. He does suspect, though, that it’s because the view is just so perfect.

He nearly forgets to eat breakfast before he starts his live stream, seats himself out on the balcony in his little lawn chair and enjoys the wash of the summer sun slowly creeping up his bare legs. “Good morning!” he calls to the phone, waves to the camera as he’s joined by tens of thousands of people to watch his live stream. He constantly has to remind himself that not all of his fans are located in Japan – because if they were, he’d be more than surprised at how many people jump on at seven in the morning to watch him stream just talking through his day plans.

“Today I’ll be going off Morito Coast on my sailboat!” he announces brightly. He’s had this on the calendar since he was back in Norway. His sailboat is nothing special, barely large enough for three people comfortably, but he hasn’t had a chance to sail since he left almost three weeks ago and he’s anxious to get back out on the water. A few comments roll in telling him he should try surfing one of these days; he laughs it off and takes a note in the back of his brain to call Ochaco next week and have her teach him the basics.

It’s a normal stream, for the most part. Comments roll through, Izuku answers questions that reappear when he can and apologizes for the missed questions when he can’t. It’s shorter than most, and perhaps that is the most out-of-the-ordinary part of it, but otherwise it isn’t anything noteworthy.

So, then, how does it become his last?

08:16am

The sun is hot, now. On the brink of July is when summer becomes sweltering, enough even that it almost deters Izuku away from the heat. Truthfully, it’s why he went up to Norway – it’s much more temperate up there, less direct sunlight to try and inflict Izuku with skin cancer. He lathers up the sunscreen, though, and heads down to the beach – perhaps a ten-minute walk – in his flip flops, his Hawaiian shirt (now buttoned, but only twice), and his dark green swim trunks.

A few of the locals are already on the beach, and they wave to Izuku, shout good-mornings and ask how he’s doing out of courtesy. Izuku recognizes Ivanka, a retired Russian woman who lives in the next apartment building over. Her Japanese is stilted, but she likes Izuku because Izuku knows Russian. (And English, Chinese, Spanish, Italian, and a touch of French.) He recognizes the twin girls from downstairs, Kamiko and Hana, putting together a sandcastle with their mother, Rin, off to the side reading a book. Izuku’s sailboat is further down the beach, closer to the jagged rocks protruding from the water, roped there tightly to keep it from straying too far. Still, he has to yank it to shore by the rope, an activity that might have been impossible when he was scrawnier, but now barely makes him break a sweat.

The boat’s name is S.S. All Might, a silly name perhaps, but Izuku doesn’t care. He’s named after Izuku’s favorite comic book character from when he was a child, a man he always looked up to because he saved everyone with a smile. And though comic book heroes don’t exist, Izuku has vowed to make a hero of himself as best he can in this modern age, by making people smile with his goofy tourist-y photos and livestreams and videos. And though he probably should be past the comic book stage of his life by now, he keeps All Might’s spirit buried in his heart, and All Might’s vintage comic book collection buried in his closet.

He unties the anchoring rope and pushes off from the rocks. It takes a little bit to get past the waves trying to push Izuku back to shore, but they aren’t too rowdy yet today, and for that he’s thankful. Out on the water there’s a decent breeze, and it brings with it a spray of seawater that tames the bubbling heat on Izuku’s skin. As he catches a drift his boat takes off, out to sea, while he pulls the sail taut the best way he knows.

Though it probably isn’t the safest place for his cell phone, Izuku pulls it out of his swimsuit trunk pocket and captures a photo of the sun’s steady ascent past the water. There is a full separation now of the sun and the water, but it still refracts brightly on the water below, makes for a stunning stock image that will likely be the source of Izuku’s rent money this month. Perhaps next month, too. He doesn’t too much care about that, though; he flips the camera to selfie mode and holds it up, peace-signing with the sail in the corner and the sun behind him. His skin looks much tanner than he is in this angle, and his freckled shoulders are hidden underneath his Hawaiian shirt, but he plans to post it anyway – when he’s back somewhere with a cell tower, that is.

Izuku has sailed the space past Morito Coast many times. It isn’t a huge expanse of water, but it’s enough to feel like an adventure. It’s not too vast that Izuku gets lost, but vast enough that he can if he tries. But today, the wind carries him further, and he lets it. He lets it because he has a cooler secured to the floor, complete with four bottles of water and a few sandwiches in case he decides to stay out on the water longer than he’s expecting. And there’s more sunscreen, a portable charger for his phone, a change of clothes being kept dry below deck. What could another mile past his normal stopping point do?

The sunlight can only be kept at bay for so long by the spray of seawater, and Izuku is beginning to feel the heat going to his head. The sun is higher in the sky now, and Izuku can tell without even checking his phone that it’s nearing noon, with the sun beating directly onto him, thrumming like a drum. He can feel every pulse of his heart. His first three water bottles are gone and he’s nursing his fourth. Still, he smiles lazily. This is where he’s meant to be – underneath the sun. He sits on the deck of his sailboat and pulls his phone from his swim trunks again, snaps a few photos of himself with the sun hot overhead. His freckles are well-visible, and his Hawaiian shirt has been tossed aside in the heat, so his shoulders and chest (also dotted with freckles) are visible. He stretches out on the deck and holds the phone above, snapping a picture of himself lying on the sailboat deck. His abs look more defined than ever, considering the sunlight above is casting rather harsh shadows from this angle.

He knows he shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t, and he will kick himself every day for doing it, but he closes his eyes, lets the warm summer sun be his blanket as he takes a cat nap on the deck. He’s even so bold as to dip one of his legs off the edge of the boat and into the water, like kicking his foot out from underneath a blanket in the summer when it gets too hot. And he sleeps, he sleeps through the sunlight drawing behind a cloud, and reappearing only to be drawn away again, by angry gray storm clouds that he hadn’t expected today. But when has he ever been one to check the weather?

#tddk #tododeku #ao3writer #yamayamawrites #castaway au #sneak peek #my hero academia #mha #current wip

2 notes · View notes

aleatoryalarmalligator · 4 years

Text

Hello,

So, it's funny because i was depressed right? and then as we all know the world kinda got scary, and now it's like i almost have a reason to feel validated in my feelings of hopelessness, which doesn't make me feel great, but does seem to kind of level me in this strange way.

I spend too much fucking time on reddit. I live in Portland, and basically i worked for this really extremely poorly run restaurant/brewery pub called Laurelwood. It's a long story, but the place has the worst management. Some of the people weren't like, bad people, but the way it was managed was really bad in ways i would have to spend hours explaining. They recently did a deal with Ninkasi a little over a year ago and now you can find their beer everywhere, and i guess if you are into beer most people seem to like it, so it's not really a diss on their alcohol itself though i am more of a hard liquor/hard cider fan and beer isn't typically my thing unless it's some desserty imperial stout. They expected a lot from their employees - and because of their poor management they also kind of let a lot of us get away with stuff. So we kind of, as employees created a very strong personal work ethic and friendship amongst one another in turn, we within reason broke rules and had a system of doing it to where we remained competent and managed ourselves, as our management was failing and self centered. If it wasn't the really cool friends i made there - some of the closest friends i have ever had and a ton of first time unique experiences - i learned a ton about myself and grew a lot in that position, i probably would have hated it. the owner was the kind of boomer who wanted to pull in hype of like, young trendy Portland kids, but they really made it look like a bad wannabe applebees and never really valued the fact that we were basically keeping the place open for him, so the aesthetic was kinda lazy and the demeanor between us and our top heavy upper management was pretty separated.

Anyway, since of course i worked in this field when the whole pandemic thing happened, I was naturally laid off. They didn't pay us. They sent us a message saying they just didn't have the money, and it's clear that they hoped to just, kinda, take the money they had left and bounce. The message was vague and demeaning, and everyone in the last three weeks is essentially working for nothing. So, one of the brewers, a pretty nice dude named Brandon that i didn't know too well, went on reddit and was respectful and clear, about how this really messed him up. They not only cannot pay us for the last two pay periods, but they also had a lot of their previous checks bounce. This on top of the financial collapse. To me, it's bad, but i sort of expect a lot of bad stuff now. I mean, this kind of collapse was a long time coming. I imagine it's going to take literally years for Portland to bounce back. I hear horror stories from long time Portlanders about how pretty decent people just became homeless during the recession of 2008, and i have a feeling this is going to be even worse. I feel like thus far in my life, though i've had a lot of really bad luck with relationships and family stuff, and sometimes my health, I've never had to really worry about something like this so directly impacting me. When 2008 happened, i was 19, I had never worked and lived with my parents on bare minimum, but my life had always been that way so i never felt that bad about it, though on retrospect it was kind of neglect. I lived in a factory town that had particular staples and products that never were that hit by the market crash, so that particular town in Idaho never saw a real drop in unemployment. I read about the collapse a lot, watched the Big Short and stuff, so i have my fairly strong opinions about it, but it's never actually caused me to go without. My mother is a nurse at a nursing home, and my father worked at a bullet factory. And like i said, i was relatively unaffected.

The message from Brandon took off, on reddit, thousands of people are seeing it and are disgusted, and they are being turned in for not paying us, because that is theft, that is illegal. I am willing to sign whatever documents neccesary when it comes down to it, if i don't get paid eventually. I was already personally very bad off, and i have this bitter realization that after the damage of this pandemic takes it's toll, I'm gonna have to struggle hard. I am not even mad at this point in a personal way. I just think companies need to know you don't fucking treat people this way. That the principle of the matter is that we are not just cogs for businesses to step on. We need to make the wealthy, even the vaguely wealthy people know that they need to appreciate fully those who work for them and under them, and when something bad happens, and they better intend on taking care of those people, or whatever their business model is is going to fail. It goes without saying that this pandemic has exposed a lot of what was already there. I think some people are naive enough to believe this corruption or this problem was unexpected. Lawmakers, and people who are privileged should have worked to make sure that hospitals had enough for the worst case scenario, and that there needs to be a safety net for people. None of these issues are new. I mean, it's not, at all. This is the rich doing the same old shit they have always done, and i imagine, trying so hard not to be pessimistic, but imagining just the same that this is only going to get worse. There are so many homeless drug addicted and mentally ill people in Portland already it's crazy. There was already rent that was impossible for full time employees to pay. It's funny because all these 'luxury suites' are being built throughout town in Portland, and i wonder now who they think is going to move in. Most of them were empty anyway. It's a mystery to me, because in a way it is classic gentrification the way they tore down old buildings and built these giant fancy expensive apartment buildings everywhere, but kind of weird because they were mostly empty. I mean, how could that have been worth it to investors or business owners?

I guess there is a lot I don't know about the stockmarket, banks, finance, housing and such, but it stands to reason that if you spend hundreds of millions to build something and nobody can afford to live there or pay your inflated rent, why are you bothering? I was told that a lot of these places were because of the Portland's population grew so much and these buildings were just now being built from people who had hoped to ride the 'rich Californian movers' era. The rent has just become kind of unmanageable. It's normal to live in a house with four or five people, all working full time just to maintain a single bedroom in a house of half-strangers. Meanwhile, studios that don't even come with a separate bedroom are nearly 2000 dollars, and things that should be there to help the homeless like tiny houses are marketed to rich minimalists who are so bored and guilt ridden by their own privilege they have to pretend to be quaint little peasants in order to feel unique in their own position, that they literally make it expensive to live in something not unlike a camper. But Portland is now just kind of at a steady growth. They came to late, and now with what's happened, what comes next.

Anyway, i am not leaving this city. I hated Idaho. It was a sad place for me, and i see a lot of beauty in Portland. I feel like i have a personal relationship with a good portion of the city. I tried to walk ten miles a day the first year i lived here. I lost a lot of weight here, fell in love here, I had a lot of meaningful experiences, met new people, gained new perspective. I've been afraid for my life here, drank more here, lost and found myself i mean, it's been an adventure in and of itself that becomes clearer to me now the more i have been here. I really do love Portland. It's sad but a lot of places i really loved and appreciated here in Portland won't be here anymore when this is over. A lot of small businesses i really appreciated. The kind of stuff that makes Portland really interesting, or reaching for something new. I hope that culture will crop up again, but we shall see.

I have a dry cough, and i wonder if i am catching Covid 19. My throat tingles a little, and I've already had two fever/colds in the last month, so something tells me this is it. Like a pregnant woman waiting to give birth or something. I am self quarantining. I'm a little nervous because a friend of a friend has a cousin in the FBI who has heard word from his superiors that they are considering the possibility of a full on quarantine, closing even the grocery stores. I didn't want to give in to early hysteria, like the toilet paper thing baffled me. I remember people getting really scared about Pigflu and Birdflu in the past years, but it didn't seem to really spread too far, though i did catch the Pigflu. My foodstamps refill on the 7th, so i hope if this does happen, they don't close by then. I just need to get in and get some bare essentials, because it now is looking like it might be smart to stock up now.

It's funny too, because i am not a homebody. I naturally am inclined to be depressed if i stay in one place too long. I have a somewhat mild case of ADHD, and i love to move, and i enjoy working. If i won the lottery, i'd still work in some fashion for 20 hours a week because i realize i don't feel satisfied living for myself. I like having a civilian duty, even if it's just cleaning off tables. I like feeling useful and connected to people. But i have a leg injury that's not going to heal on it's own, so walking has hurt me for the last eight months, and now this, and i have a health condition that makes it pretty easy for me to gain weight. So i am trapped in the house, snacking and trying to find things that make me laugh or inspire me. I did get inspired to start making paper mache masks. I think i can make the most of my quarantine time. I just hope they don't close the grocery stores before i get my money.

I am worried about both my parents. I have a lot of family, so it's not that unlikely i could lose someone to this virus. I am not concerned with myself that much. I could die, but the chances are relatively low. I am reading a lot of informed reddit posts, about the aftermath of this whole thing, and i'm a little bit nervous.

#text

23 notes · View notes

echoes-of-realities · 4 years

Text

I’m a writer, and despite not knowing how I feel or what to write, I wanted someplace to record all the things I do remember about him. I spent so long trying to erase every memory of him, and now that he’s really, truly gone, I want all those memories I hated back.

He always smelled of cigarette smoke, sweat, sawdust, and something sweet I can never ever name until I get a whiff of a can of Pepsi being cracked open.

He was quiet, and reserved, and he didn’t like to drink. I get that from him. I got my sweet tooth and terrible eyesight from him too, and I take my coffee the same way he used to. I remember because my sister once tried his coffee before he put the cream and sugar in it and she somehow loved it black; my dad and me couldn’t understand how this three year old liked black coffee. I’m scared I got his addicting personality too, which is why I rarely touch alcohol and will never gamble in my life.

He loved yard sales and pawn shops. It didn’t matter where we were going or how late for a job he would be, he would always pull over and look through them. Was it irresponsible? Yeah, of course, but he would let us wander the plastic tables of people selling their long forgotten memories and dusty old regrets and he never rushed us even as the clock ticked further and further away from being on time.

He bought a GameCube and the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker for $70 from a yard sale once. We used to crowd around the tv and play together, just the three of us. My sister was too young to handle the controller, but we used to let her sail around the ocean while we looked up walkthroughs. I spent almost 2 frustrating hours trying to do the part on the pirate ship at the very beginning, but when he came home he did it for me and it took him like 10 seconds. I thought it was a miracle despite not knowing what a miracle was.

He once adopted a cockatiel from the lady who hired him to redo her kitchen flooring instead of taking payment for a job. My mom hated that he did that, and hated that bird even more. I was five, but he let me name him Cuddles even though he knew you can’t really cuddle a bird.

He used to set up a cheap tv and our gamecube in his van so my sister and I could play it while he was on jobs. We usually ended up following him around and watching him work though because playing video games by ourselves wasn’t half as fun as seeing strange houses and unrolling carpet. I haven’t even been in a flooring store since, but I could probably install a decent looking carpet even still.

He used to let my sister and I pick the pickles off his McDonald’s burgers even though they were his favourite part, because they were our favourite part too, so he gave them all to us every time.

He bought me a painted wooden elephant from the farmers market just because he saw me looking at it. I can still remember that day; the bright sun, my sister sleeping on my mom’s shoulder, the cement parking bar I was walking on like a tightrope, my dad’s hand in mine and the wooden elephant in the other.

He would call me squirt and monkey instead of sweetie or honey and I always loved that because no other dad I knew called their kids that, and when my sister came along he called her little squirt. I always forget about that until I find myself calling my little cousins squirt or monkey just like he did to me, once upon a forever ago.

He used to fall asleep curled up in front of the fireplace like a cat. Apparently it helped his sore back but I think he just liked the feel of the fire on his face, even if it was electric heat. He once melted a pillow and almost burned down our house and the neighbour’s because we lived in a tiny duplex, but the next day he was fast asleep in front of the fireplace just like always.

He’s the real reason I wanted to learn how to play guitar, and I’ve never once admitted that to anyone. He had an electric guitar and an amp and a microphone set up out in our garage, and I would spend hours trying to get my little fingers to play a chord while he worked on his wood project of the week. He was never any good at it because he never had someone teach him and he was too busy to get better on his own, but I still remember sitting in rapt attention in the garage with cigarette smoke thick in the air between us as he slowly plucked one of the few songs he knew.

The feel of the strings under my fingers and the hum of the body against mine makes me feel closer to him, even in spite of the miles and years and corporeality now between us.

The only thing I have left of him is an old guitar strap, a wooden elephant, and these ashes that were once him.

My dad was a petty thief, he evaded taxes for probably 20 years, he owes over $50,000 in child support, he stole dental equipment and jewelry from jobs, he had a gambling addiction that ruined my family and nearly put us on the street, he went bankrupt and didn’t tell my mom until Canada Revenue was knocking on her door looking for someone to pay off his debts, he abandoned us and hurt me more than anyone else in my life ever has and probably more than anyone else ever will.

He was also just, you know, my dad for 9 years, unquestionably, unconditionally. He taught me to ride a bike, to play video games, to tie my shoes, to sword fight with sticks, to roll carpet properly, to balance on cement parking bars, to bury my sister in sand, to sometimes eat dessert before supper after a really bad day. He gave me my love of music, of video games, of McDonald’s pickles, of fantasy novels, of wolves, of sweet things, of coffee with three teaspoons of sugar. He was my only connection to being Cree and I was too young when he left to ask him all the questions I have about our shared culture.

He was Native and born to two fifteen year olds, the oldest of five kids from four different dads. He never finished grade 8 and started working at age thirteen to help his mom support his siblings. His own father held him in the hospital once the day he was born before being chased off the reserve. His sister never knew her dad either, his brother’s dad was abusive and died of cancer, his youngest brother and sister were 16 years younger than him. He had two kids who were so white passing most people thought we weren’t even his. Between the inter generational trauma and the fact that he never had a stable father figure in his life, it’s a wonder he stayed around as long as he did.

But while knowing this now explains his actions, it doesn’t excuse them. It doesn’t make my own pain magically go away, it doesn’t erase the decade and a half I spent angry and confused and grieving someone who’s love was supposed to be unconditional. I don’t forgive him for all the pain he caused me, but I miss him. I’ve always missed him, despite all the years I spent hiding that with anger.

I’ve always know that grief can be very lonely, I never knew exactly how lonely it truly was until I lost someone that only one other person in my life is grieving. My sister and I are alone, despite the love and support from our friends and family, we’re alone in this. Nobody in our lives aside from us, his only two daughters, miss him.

There’s a different type of grief when you lose an estranged parent, especially one that abandoned you when you were just a kid who had only just learned her times tables and how to write in cursive. It wasn’t my choice to have no contact with him for over half my life, but I still regret those lost years all the same. I’ve been grieving him for fourteen years already, but it’s different now because he’s really gone, not just “out there somewhere.” I used to check obituaries for the town I was born in because I didn’t know whether he was dead or alive, whether he was homeless or had another family, whether he was even in that town or not. He’s really gone now, and so is any chance at ever rekindling with him, at having a relationship with him.

I’ve lost my dad three times in my life:

The first was that February night when he dropped Valentine’s Day gifts off for my sister and I and then disappeared into the dark night, swirling out of focus like the snow falling just out of sight of the porch light.

The second time was that August evening when he sent me a Facebook friend request and I deleted it because I was still so caught up in my anger at him abandoning us that I was in no place to make amends, I know now that it was because he was sick and dying even though it would take another five years before he was truly gone.

The third, and last time, I lost my dad was July 25th, on that windy afternoon when his sister who we’d never met Facebook messaged us to tell us that she found him dead that morning.

I will never lose him again because he’s gone for good now. I’ve know this fact for fourteen years, but somehow it’s so much more painful now than it was on July 24th, when he was out of my life but still out there somewhere, still alive.

#personal #don’t reblog #I might delete this later but his memorial is this afternoon and I can’t sleep so instead I just wrote for a while #and I just needed to feel like I am sharing these thoughts to someone even if no one ever reads this #this is also why I’ve been effectively mia for the past month cause I’ve been working on processing my dad’s death

5 notes · View notes

squidbobpops · 4 years

Text

20 years

“Sometimes all the little things start closing in on me, but when I’m feeling down, I want to lose that frown and open my window and look around!”

//////////////////:::

The cashier frowned, his expression from one of irritation to that of concern, he felt his body anxiously tapping the ground and rubbing his arms.

“Spongebob?”

The young fry cook glanced up from where he was cleaning one of the many tables, it was a Saturday after all, so there weren’t really any customers. Their boss just decided to order them to clean the grease trap up, though it wouldn’t really be the first time he asked that of them.

“Yes Squidward?” The happy go lucky boy said

“Um..it’s about...uhh..”

Squidward didn’t really think this through, did he? Still he felt his hand reach back and nervously scratch the back of his neck, often his hand would brush up against his teal locks, but it didn’t really matter. The sweat though, was a different story. He coughed. stumbled, and stuttered. Why couldn’t he just speak?

Why couldn’t he had just said what he wanted that day?

///////////////////////

20 years later

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

The bell above the door rang, signaling a new customer into the restaurant, Squidward reading his magazine didn’t even glance up at the individual who had decided to bother him at his break time, muttering something Squidward sighed and spoke the dull questions of what the customer would like, Ever since...Spongebob left, it had been lonely. The painful reminder of the kid was gone, as he shook his head in despair. Spongebob had left twenty years ago and moved out. Nobody knew why and without any warning he had just vanished. No one had seen him since then and over the years soon the once active town was..quiet and dreadfully boring. He didn’t bother to contact any of his friends, only taking his clothes and snail.

“Welcome to the Krusty Krab, What do you want?”

He grumbled, he waited for a response, but to no avail. The customer was silent and that’s when Squidward had enough, who had the audacity to come in here and bother him, just to not order anything? He was going to give this patron a piece of his mind, whether Eugene promotes it or not! He stood up eyes closed in frustration and rubbed his temples, hands brushing through his teal hair.

“Sir, if you’re not going to order anything and bother me while I’m on break then I’m going to have to ask you to leave”

“I just got back though.”

At the sound of the all too familiar voice Squidward opened his eyes instantly and rubbed them, he did a double take and got out of his boat register and walked in front of the former fry cook in shock.

“S-Sponge... is that really you?”

He felt his heart beat a mile a minute and his face flush, his eyes burned with tears stinging at the edges. What was he doing back here? Twenty years of nothing and suddenly he come back?? Why? Squidward felt so many emotions all at once. Anger, Resentment, Curiosity, Fear, Relief, Joy, Sadness, and an old but all too memorable feeling came back.

Love.

Squidward felt himself stiffen not moving or saying anything and according to spongebob’s concerned expression he did not expect to see his former co-worker looking at him as if he was a dead person.

Spongebob did a glance over Squidward’s body, tall, well built, teal locks messy and curled. He took in his face as well, his mouth with those pale pink lips, and a light blush on his pale skin. His eyes dark red and still beautiful as ever. But tears, were building up and immediately the lips were also teeth clenched, and his knuckles white from gripping them so tight. His eyes filled with hate and sadness.

Squidward kept his eyes trained on the moron, afraid if he looked away, he’d be gone. The tears blurred his vision, but he didn’t care. Same stupid adorable freckles across his face, and the same stupid blond ruffled hair. His clothes were different, notably the difference was the suspenders instead of pants and a yellow shirt with a grid pattern. Other than that, the same tie, shoes and socks. Only the socks were rolled down. His eyes still as blue as the ocean itself. His pale lips and light color on his cheeks. Yep it was his Spongebob alright.

“Yeah, it’s me Squid.”

Spongebob smiled warmly at him, causing the older man to loosen up slightly, his pose from that of fear to casualness.

“Where the *dolphin noise* have you been?”

“Out, just exploring.”

“You..you left for twenty years..that’s it?! You could’ve done this without moving away you..j-jerk!”

“J-Jerk? Squid you have to realize that-

“No! You don’t get it, do you? You left this town and look at what has happened since then, Conch Street is barren, The Chum Bucket is thriving! Eugene only gets four to five customers nowadays, Sandy decided to go back to Texas, When you left..everything fell apart!”

He glared at the man in front of him, a finger jabbed into his chest accusingly pointed.

“Why come back now? What changed your mind?!”

Spongebob frowned, something Squidward didn’t expect. A frustrated sigh left his mouth as he grabbed squidward by the arm and led him towards the kitchen.

“Listen Squid, It doesn’t matter why I left, I’m back now aren’t I?”

Squidward growled, How could he act like his disappearance was nothing?! How could he just leave everyone like that? How could he be so selfish?

“It really does Robert.”

He flinched, Squid never used his real name unless he was serious. He stepped back, surprised at how much this had truly effected his home.

“Squid...I...”

“No more playing around, I’m sick of this.”

“....”

Spongebob rubbed his arms, eyes refusing to meet Squidward’s, which only fueled Squidward’s anger towards him.

“Why are you here now? Was twenty years too long for you?”

He sneered.

“I..never meant to leave for so long..”

“Yeah well you could’ve at least warned us! Everday since your little “adventure” Bikini Bottom has changed for the worst.”

“W-What do you mean?”

Sponge in grimaced, what exactly happened in those twenty years that got Squidward so mad?

“Like I said before, look at this town! The people barely say anything and if they do, it’s professional. No one visits and the population has decreased further! Sheldon and Eugene although are the same, there is always a look of despair on their faces, nothing was the same as it is before Robert, and now look at us! You honestly think that you didn’t have any impact on these people at all?!”

“I didn’t think..that they..”

“Yeah? Well you were wrong! Everyone has fallen into a depression cause of you!”

“.....what about you?”

Squidward tensed..what about him? Did it even matter to the man standing before him? Furthermore, despite everything that had happened..Squidward never did truly move on. How could he? It was hard to forget the little ball of joy that started his morning and ended his evenings..who had always smiled and giggled cutely. It was so hard to forget his face, and he spent nights, sitting on the floor of his bed room looking through photo albums, wondering if he’d ever see his sunshine again..it destroyed him, and tortured his mind at night. little urchin. He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat, he refused to continue forward. So much had happened in that blip of time, just for him to come back..So, how was he? He was unsure, confused, and terrified..what if Robert left again? What would he do then...?

“.....I stayed the same.”

He lied through his teeth, he watched as Spongebob glanced away..yet again.

“I’m so..sorry Squidward I never—

“Don’t apologize to me Squarepants.”

Spongebob gulped as he knew exactly what he was about to face..alone.

“..Where?”

“Where else? Their at conch street. They never really stopped passing by where you lived. Sandy sometimes visits too.”

“...”

“Can..you maybe..?”

Squidward sighed...typical Spongebob. He reluctantly agreed and walked him there, as they did, a few residents were shocked. They looked at the two and a few tried to call out to Spongebob, while others grumbled curses. Finally as they arrived, There was the gang. Plankton and Krabs has grey hairs by now and stood next to each other staring at the empty space, it looked as if they hadn’t bothered do anything with it. Patrick and Sandy cried a tearful reunion, Pearl was there too. Karen watched from a distance, but Squidward had stopped walking and Sponge immediately turned to him, confused.

“...aren’t you coming?”

“This is as far as I go Robert, and I’m sure you know why.”

Spongebob shamefully nodded, as he started to head forward he gave one final wave as he headed towards them. Hoping that maybe..he could at least do this one thing right.

He approached, slowly at first..but the first one to see was Sandy. She pointed and cried..Everyone then immediately rushed over pulling Spongebob towards them. They had started loading a barrage of questions towards him, asking him why he left, or why he returned. But Patrick hadn’t come over yet, and Spongebob sighed. He walked towards Patrick and tried to reach out a hand. Only for Patrick to swat it away.

“Pat I..I’m sorry I left you..I truly didn’t mean to.”

“Bull shrimp.” Patrick mumbled.

He turned towards his old friend and had tears in his eyes and a scowl present in his face.

“B, F, F, that stands for us. Or..it did anyway. You said you’d never leave rob, why come back now?”

Spongebob swallowed, So Patrick was mad too huh? He guiltily tried to come up with something..anything to soothe his friend’s hatred.. but to no avail.

“Patrick I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you all behind I just thought..it’d be for the better.”

“Better? Better?! You call this (he motioned towards their friends looking tired and lifeless) better?! Rob, I tried to stay hopeful, I really did. Everday I told myself he’ll come back, he didn’t mean to hurt us. I told myself this for years until finally, I realized you weren’t and that broke me.”

“.......”

“So what? Apologize for twenty years of nothing?! Actions have consequences rob and I thought you of all people knew that.”

“I never wanted to hurt you guys.”

“But in the end, look around. This isn’t your home anymore. It’s nothing like it was.”

“....Pat...I know..my words probably seem meaningless to you right now and I can’t blame you, but please know..I do still consider you one of my bestest friends. B.F.F stands for us, and it still does. Please at least try to find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“.....You have no idea how much I am torn between wanting to accept that apology or punching you.”

SpongeBob’s eyes widened and he chuckled nervously, “Maybe..not the l-latter!”

.......

2 hours later.

————————

“I’m glad we’re all friends again, and I’m happy that at least one person was ok in this entire epidemic!”

“Who would that be exactly?” Pearl asked

“Squidward!”

Everyone immediately stopped smiling and frowned sending sad glances to one another.

“What? Did I say something?”

“Spongebob..Squidward was the one who was the most devastated by this.”

Karen chimes in

And just like that Spongebob felt something shatter.

“W-what are you talking about?”

“...He hasn’t played music in years, last time I saw him he was thinner than a nail”

“..oh my god.”

SpongeBob’s tone was laced with fear, as he ran to find him. He went to where he left him and panicked.

Where could he be??

“SQUIDWARD!”

He called out voice cracking, tears forming but he didn’t care, where did he go? He frantically glance around. The world was shrinking and the pounding in his ears wouldn’t shut up. It was all just static...

Until finally, he was grabbed into the tightest hug ever, it happened so fast he didn’t see who it was. He immediately embraced the person and cried, they were much taller.

“I’m here..”

The voice...it was squid’s and he smiled letting out a choked sob.

“Twenty years wasn’t enough to keep me away from you, you dimwit.”

He smiled as he chuckled, gripping Spongebob harder. Tears forming again in his own eyes as he held him closer.

#squidward tentacles #sbsp #spongebob squarepants #squidbob #humanization #alternate universe

32 notes · View notes

sugar-petals · 5 years

Text

; sublime (m) ║ reader ✕ merman!jjk

↳ summary: only you can save him.

8k words | smut, action, fantasy

⚠️ angst, themes of persecution & violence, unprotected sex, graphic.

a/n | Needed to reupload, it’s been in an ask format. Second chapter included. request: “Would u be willing to do a merman jk x reader smut?” (rosewell-love)

There’s a dead body on your private beach.

Or so you think. You’ve spotted it going out for your early morning walk with a bottle of water and light trainers. Busan’s late summer has been merciful with the weather so far, so you wanted to tick your two-mile goal on the schedule again.

From afar you already knew that whatever laid there in the silt was nothing of the regular. The colors that struck you against the mellow rising sun seemed blueish, strangely vivid. If it was a water corpse, sure it could be decaying like this. You dare to tread closer, crossing into muddier seafloor now.

Normally, you preferred to stay where the sand was dry and solid to walk on. There is no foul smell as you approach, or scraps of cloth, anything like that. Just algae all around. A few feet away, you begin to understand: This is not a human body.

You’ve heard about sightings of stranded mermen in the news. Authorities were quick to dismiss rumors of violent interventions. They assured that the police would take care of the situation professionally without citizen being able to watch.

The senior locals thought of merpeople as threats or oddities of nature, too peculiar to interact with. There were stories about women who interacted closely getting abducted, bitten, or strangled to death by such creatures. It was treated like a myth while the tabloids and fisherman’s accounts said otherwise.

Mermen were usually described with distorted complexions, crooked bones, and blood-shot eyes. They stink abominably, one reporter said. The universal instruction by the mayor had been equally hideous: Kill, or run. The latter being less preferred because they had to be chased, exploited, and wiped out collectively when you read between the lines.

Last year, there had been gossip about a group of men - designated hunters - sawing off a living merman’s tail and selling it on the black market. Any chopped off hair would bring half a million, too. A million with the scalp attached. The mayor propagated the extermination of these “slimy beasts” when an issue surfaced, all while keeping a trophy fin in his living room, that you were sure of.

But the motionless boy right below you does not appear monstrous at all. His features are almost resemblant to what can be considered human despite that he came from the sea. The upper body, at least. Who knows what kind of world is out there. The contrived stories made you mad, they had been all lies.

Even if your trainers are now completely sunk in, you close the distance entirely.

You look at him with concern. Why is he here, like this, so close to the coast? Your eyes roam up and down, up and down. The cerulean little scales splattered all over his large tail, the sapphire beads around his neck, next to coral lobster claws.

His beauty erases everything in your mind. The teal and silver mane that falls in soft waves and purple braids. They are really, really long and gleaming with an enigma that you fail to grasp. How could anyone be cruel enough to maim him. Everything about this boy had to stay wherever it was.

You inspect his body closer to look for injuries, but there are none. He plainly seems drained, but impossibly beautiful at the same time. His chest is still moving, but both eyes remained closed. You don’t know if mermen can get unconscious.

Perhaps he is just asleep. So ethereal. It all proved the envious locals very dirty liars. They’re conspiring because they know very well how alluring they look like. Since only mermen have been spotted, all efforts to deter every woman in town from getting just one glimpse were rampant.

No human male could quite compare. Except maybe your gay friend and neighbor Taehyung who might just drop dead if he were here. If your female friends saw this boy, the ones who were married would file for divorce. The truly despicable vermin were the conservative men of this town.

Certainly, there are different rules of anatomy and physics that apply to mermen that nobody has ever talked about on shore. You only see that the gills at the sides of his torso flutter hectically. It takes some time until you put two and two together. The falling tide that’s now miles away, it must have left him here. Maybe he lost a sense of direction and got caught by surprise. What an odyssey.

He needs water, desperately. Of course he looks drained, and that’s more urgent than you assumed. You have to hurry up and do something not to see him fade away in front of your eyes. But, where to get it. It would have been straightforward if you hadn’t forgotten carrying a water bottle all along.

You’re hesitant to touch him, but eventually get yourself to rub the sides of his torso, pouring water bit by bit. His skin is so delicate that you don’t dare to apply pressure. His eyes flutter once, and you think he can see what you are doing.

But you did not bring enough water to sustain this moment. At least you know there’s still a chance.

There’s no other option, then. You sprint back to your house, pulse working overtime until you find the long-ignored supply closet key.

An old plastic cover splattered with color comes into sight. It has been formerly used by Taehyung who asked to depict the scenery at your beach. He’s a painter, but too much of a literal fine artist to leave anything sturdy at your house. You keep searching.

At the back, there’s a soiled, but still functional sailcloth with rope running through its eyelets. Hauling that to the beach would not be possible if you weren’t pumped with adrenaline and sheer panic. It has been a huge risk having him left alone out there. This all takes too damn long.

The relief finding him untouched gives you more assurance. The sail sticks to the ground in no time spreading it out next to him. An attempt to roll him onto there using a shove of two hands fails. Only a rope tied around his waist gives everything a decent impetus. Once he’s in place, you pull the canvas tight with the rope and start dragging. But oh my, is he heavy. It’s the colossal tail that probably weighs the most, gravity has no mercy on your arms today.

It takes a few painstaking feet until the cloth starts to run smoothly on the wet ground. Through the dewy lawn of your property, it works much better until your trainers go on a strike. Next time you’ll go to the beach with heavy boots. It’s better with bare feet then, though you encounter another problem. The grass isn’t particularly even, so you have to maneuver around a bump or two. The 10 x 20 feet swimming pool comes into sight quite tardily.

He slumps into the water with a dull splash. You made it by the skin of your teeth and everything hurts. It’s a miracle. The water is uncomfortably icy as you enter, grabbing hold of his shoulders. You have to remind yourself to be careful, washing away all remnants of sand and dirt. The filtration system will take care of it. Again you note how silky the texture of his skin and scales is, clearly not made for life ashore. Before the water starts to paralyze you more with its frostiness, you decide to submerge him completely at the bottom of the pool. Different laws of physics, you remind yourself. For a human, air would basically be like water for him. His own weight sustains him down there well as of now. Begrudgingly, you leave to change clothes.

It’s good that your backyard is surrounded by copious palisades. You do hope nobody observed anything, thinking you transported some carcass or worse, and check back just three minutes later. The garden gate is firmly locked already but doesn’t do much to pacify your feelings of imminent paranoia. So the balcony is a good place to stay where you can sit with your laptop to catch up with pressing work. Any concentration is still out the window though, and any noise snaps you out of typing in emails.

The pool water rouses after the nearby church bell strikes 11 am. You return to the gazebo next to the pool to look if you’re not hallucinating, met with huge, dark eyes. They’re Prussian blue and almost doe-like. He’s leaning at the edge, two arms propped up.

“Thank you, madam. You didn’t have to do this,” he dabbles quite gently, stirring the water with his tail to cause ripples. His voice is very pleasant and friendly, youthful. Never did you think he would be able to speak your language. Everything comes unexpected today.

“Nevermind,” you respond, trying not to show both incredulousness and unease. There is no way in making this sound like a proper conversation, but you try. He called you madam, after all.

”I came to pry for shells and lost my sense of time. It’s my bad.”

You squat down at the edge of the pool at some distance. This seems all too much at once. Yet you have to gather words to let him know.

“Don’t, don’t say that. I can’t let you die out there. To see you become food in a tin can if a hunter or the police come along.”

It strikes a chord with him, and you instantly regret saying it.

“I know who they are. Their prejudice has killed one of my brothers not long ago.” He’s downcast now, impossibly sad. You know who this brother was. A little glistening tear makes its way down his cheek, he picks it up with thumb and index finger. It has turned into a small pearl. “You’re not like them. I can be glad you picked me up without fear or reporting it.”

You enclose the shiny gift with two palms as he passes over the bead. When you tuck it away, it rests in the breast pocket of your blouse. The merman looks very relieved to see you accept it.

“It’s not over yet. But I guess I did the right things so far. You’re alive. I hope I can drag you back at high tide. Or do you need more time?”

“My body regenerated. But my mind, I feel very strange and dizzy, still. Tomorrow.”

“Shit… it’s the chlorine in the water. I don’t think that’s good for you.”

“Chlorine?”

You wonder why he speaks your language perfectly but doesn’t know this.

“To disinfect bacteria dangerous to humans. For you, it might just be nauseating. Maybe because you’re not used to it, or sensitive. Wait, I’ll use the pool filter. I have one.”

While you take care of the pump and also clean away some debris, the curious merman lingers closely.

“Did I tell you my name yet? I’m Jungkook. I have a question, actually. It might sound weird.”

You look up from your task. Jungkook. It’s fitting.

“Just go ahead. I’m Y/N.”

“Why do you have a pool next to the sea?”

He’s a bright guy. You understand where the query is coming from, too.

“I do love the sea like you. But the waves are too high. It’s dangerous to bathe there without a vigilant eye. You’ve seen what happened. I prefer to swim here, especially when it’s warmer.”

“Oh, I forgot,” he marvels at you, “humans can’t swim that well in the cold.”

“It’s true. We have trouble moving around mermen as well,” you chuckle, glad your work at the pump is completed. You stand up to return to Jungkook. His presence is soothing, almost familiar.

In that very moment, hasty knocks and rattles resound from the garden gate.

Jungkook immerses himself in water within a split second. He’s diving down faster than you can say anything, in fact. The pool’s surrounding bushes have saved you from being seen with him, thankfully, but your feeling tells you to hurry to the gate as soon as you can. But you have to stop yourself from being in a rush not to be suspicious. It’s painfully obvious who it is from a distance already. You’re in trouble.

It’s Taehyung.

“Oh hey, hey! I rang the doorbell — nobody responded. Figured you’re here! How ya doin’?”

A hurricane as usual. You keep the gate locked. He’s looking at you through the metal bars with inquisitive eyes.

“What do you want, Kim… I’m busy.”

“Sorry, just looking for my painting cover. Do you still have it? Am gone in a minute.”

“Sure.”

You spin around and race inside without further ado. Taehyung must think you have gone completely mad now, but knowing Jungkook is likely having a heart attack down there you would waste no second. You return breathless, red blotches all over the face. He rolls his eyes.

“Slow down, slow down, Noona. It’s Sunday. God, heterosexual people. Always caught in such a fuss.”

“They are. Now, here. Take it. Just, buzz off now, Kim. Got things to do.”

And again, you spin around on your heel and hear him trot away sulking, but clenching his long-lost cover tight. He said he’s gone in a minute, then he has to deal with it. You’ll have to come up with something very intricate to appease him next time when he mocks you for it. And you are sure he will, because Taehyung notices when something’s off. Telling him the truth would be like being Taylor Swift’s boyfriend, he would just broadcast everything.

You dash back and lean over the pool for Jungkook to recognize you. But nothing moves. He’s right about staying where he is. If the police coerced you to be their decoy, luring him out, he’d be dead. Jungkook, that is indisputable to you, continues to prove being very sharp save being aware of tides. The media never talked about merpeople being this people-conscious and easily intimidated. They’re just drawing them as evil to get hunting permission. Vicious pigs.

You want to make them fall.

There’s something else that strikes you, watching for activity in the pool. There must be a way that merpeople gather excessive knowledge about humans. Or it might be a contact person. But you don’t want to know, it might be a way to trace them back. Such a secret must never be revealed, you know you’ll take all this to your grave to protect him. It would be good to tell your story to everyone so they would change their mind. But the police was hawk-eyed and knew how to press for information.

They’d be hellbent and relentless to slit his throat as soon as they could. Officials and hunters had methods to find him if it was not too far out in the ocean. Or they would just wait until he came back to you sooner or later. You are sure that he will. He’s feeling indebted. And attached. You’re too. You dread the day, and tomorrow’s goodbye if it actually comes.

You have to admit it: This propelled you into a gigantic mess. You already felt your heart burst when Taehyung knocked. You have to guard Jungkook from a greater fuck-up, come what may.

With the entire government of Busan or even Seoul against you when your secret ever goes public. Because they want to keep it on the low, too, and would stop at nothing. You did not go against the law but social customs and conservative morale, and those are by far more powerful.

You rip off your blouse and pants and toss them on the balcony. Your tank top is hardly suitable for the temperature, but the pool water is slightly warmer as you get in slowly. The chlorine has faded. The first good news for today.

Diving down, Jungkook appears curled up in the deepest, darkest corner, holding his hair together so it won’t float up and betray him. Most of the fright on his face dissolves when you give an intent thumbs up. These mermen understand so much about your culture. You cannot let go of this thought. How could he know?

Swimming closer, you seize him by the hands, nodding your head toward the surface. He pulls you up with ease, fast and agile. Emerging, you have to draw several breaths. He looks around frantically. You hope this didn’t traumatize him.

“It was my neighbour friend asking for art supplies. He left and didn’t see anything. Nobody else around. We’re good. Jungkook, it’s alright. It was just a friend.”

It’s Sunday, thankfully.

“I was so afraid… There was a vision, I was bleeding!”

“It’s okay now. There’s no blood. I protect you, nothing will happen.”

It’s of no use. He can’t stop looking around. Jungkook needs something to ground him.

A little kiss on the forehead.

It makes his cheeks turn cobalt blue. You feel how his tail sways back and forth a bit quicker. You part your legs wider so they won’t crush his fin in between.

“I will handle it. If I can pull you out of the mud, then I can subdue them when they ever show up. You just have to hide. Jungkook.”

It’s self-persuasion and hoping for a self-fulfilling prophecy. But you’re beaming at him, and his smile grows just as large.

“Y/N, you’re very strong. I wouldn’t know where I’d be without your help. You hardly knew me, just my kin.”

“So did you. But you didn’t freak out when you were awake.”

He nods emphatically.

“I felt your hands on my gills. It was very nice. Like waves. I knew you were benevolent, you resemble the sea when you move. No bad person does this. Can you… again? Only if you want, I—”

What he said stuns you for seconds. Your hands move to his upper body on autopilot.

“Like, like this?”

Jungkook sighs a mellowed yes when you start to stimulate his sides. His gills are much more relaxed than at the beach. After some strokes, you’re leaning in so much that his arms virtually just have to close an inch around you for an embrace.

He clings to you in a tight hug, your lips coming up to meet his. Whatever magic or trick he is using, they feel curiously sparkling and slightly saline after a while. It’s magnificent. Meanwhile, your breasts are squeezed flat against his chest, feeling how Jungkook’s heartbeat accelerates. Much like his fin that’s bringing more of his tail between your legs. You pull them upwards a bit, but inevitably he brushes against your pubes. You thought it would be awkward. But something about his body infatuates your skin like an ancient charm.

“Apologies Y/N, I didn’t mean to!”

“Don’t be sorry. Just, fuck… do it again. Feels awesome. You can be yourself with me.”

He understands, bringing his tail stark forward this time. Shit. Your clit says yes to that. So does your face judging by how he reacts, a lot keener than before.

“Jungkook, I have a weird question, too,” you brush back against him, “Is it possible, I mean. Can you penetrate me somehow, or…?”

He’s blushing a second time.

“I can peel the scales apart at the front.”

And he does it.

Oh wow.

He has the most gorgeous shaft you’ve ever seen. Clad in lustrous, thin scales sprouts forth a splendid length tinted in jade. It sojourns hard and upright, poking heavy at your clit and entrance only separated by your underwear.

“You can’t impregnate me, right?”

“I can’t. Human egg cells are too small and not receptive.”

That has you wondering, and quite amused how he said that. It means something big is coming. Sounds like fun.

“Can I ride you then?”

“You can do anything, really.”

It can’t get any hotter. Thankfully, you’re half undressed already. The panties you had left on soon float elsewhere just below the surface, and you’re shoving up the hem of your tank top. His chest feels ten times as invigorating when you’re naked against it. There’s hesitation when you reach for his cock. You don’t want to do anything wrong to hurt him. But Jungkook is encouraging the initiative. And the way he’s dipping at you flicks a plethora of switches. So it’s easy. You slip him in and start to move your hips. Soon you realize it’s a bit difficult to go down further.

“Can I use a spell? It helps.” he exhales. You knew it, he has those abilities.

“Mh, love to see it.”

There he goes. You catch Jungkook whispering a convoluted spell to himself before your walls pop open without further trial. He’s dipping in first, then going half the way already. That’s not normal at all. He knows what he’s doing, though. It’s so, so damn good.

Jungkook is completely ecstatic.

Your experience so far has been that sex in water generally… doesn’t go well. No lubrication, no fucking. But no, this has to be the best exception. The practically seamless scales, they’re really doing the trick. The plunge is slick and exciting, going in clean with every bounce. And there’s a quite a stunning lot to slide up and down on, that you get to welcome soon. He’s getting confident to echo the thrust with eyes fixated on yours.

“Give me more of that,” you insist, leaving both legs wrapped around his wavering tail. It’s almost too slippery to hold on to. But good to sink down smoothly while squeezing deeper inside. You’re pushed upwards the more he fucks into you. His tip is broad enough to anchor you, not letting you glide off easily. But you’re dangerous close to it. So you’re letting yourself drop down on him with more momentum which he has to cushion first, causing your belly to bulge out considerably. You’re obsessed.

“Lift my legs more, Jungkook!”

Like that, the insides of your thighs graze at his gills, abrasive and brisk. To your surprise, it eventuates in sharper thrusts going for your sweetest spots. The depth that he pursues now starts to stretch you hard and wide on the glossy scales. Jungkook keeps murmuring spells. If this goes on for any longer, that’s a cock riding that would send not only you but Taehyung and the entire neighborhood to the gates of heaven and higher.

You keep shoving him straight up to dent out your abdomen, and he’s making it so salacious with his little moans. When you’re grabbing for hold at his shoulders, Jungkook warns you about his precum. Indeed it’s not to underestimate when you feel it, making everything two times as sleek. You slump down completely now, surprised not to feel any trace of balls against your ass.

Different anatomy.

Normal men need cooling for their sperm outside of their body, otherwise they would not survive. Jungkook? He’s got something else going on. Busan’s sea is not notoriously warm.

“Intertwine your fingers in my hair, Y/N—”

“What? Can I really do that?”

It sounds like heresy to your ears.

“It’ll stimulate you, do it quickly,” he persists, and your fingers seek a place in his silky mane. And Christ, he’s right. There’s a rapid sedation of the anxious thoughts at the back of your mind. Instead, you’re feeling an immense euphoria descend from your spine down to your loins. Jungkook whimpers while you’re drilling him deeper with all your power. Slowly but surely, you lose yourself in his dazzling ocean hair. You’re so happy now. Nothing matters. Just you together within the blur of everything else.

Fuck society. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.

Jungkook’s moans have grown incomprehensible. Both of your hands soak up more of the sky blue energy. And once you grab the strands tighter, an overwhelming current verberates in your back until you’re ready and cumming. The world is so elated, nothing can bring your hands away from his hair. It’s pushing you to the limit incessantly. Better than any drug trip, better than the feeling after you ran your second marathon. You’re climaxing so vigorously on him that twenty seconds in, something effervescent and tingly begins to pour into your womb like a bursting well. His unearthly groaning gives you an idea of how much it shatters and empties him. You get filled to the brim and it won’t stop. Of course, he’s significantly larger than the average human — much semen to store then, by your logic at least. You do get a glimpse of the proportions as Jungkook keeps cramming loads and loads past your cervix while your orgasm keeps electrifying even the last corner of your body.

The well won’t cease. He keeps moving until you’re entirely pumped full with an all creamy, tickling substance. You try to keep everything in not to leak it into the water. But it’s too much. With each of his last thrusts, the bulk of it just comes spilling out. A shimmering, dark cyan liquid rises to the surface in gradient plumes, mixed with streaks of your cum. It looks like fluid shapes of orchids showing as a supple iridescent foam.

And it turns golden.

The scent gives you a feeling of the hours after rain in spring. Jungkook picks up a decent bit of the foam with two fingers, slipping them into his mouth. He leans in to kiss you again as you reach the aftermath of your peak that threatens to leave you bland. But what happens now makes you tighten around his dick once again, seizing out more to splutter inside.

On your tongue unfold an explosion of jasmine blended with peppermint, thyme, fresh raspberries, wild honey, and even something like caramel. There was no way you would have been prepared for this. You had expected something like a sea breeze, but this beats all that you could imagine. Because beyond approximation, you can’t really describe what it is like.

You swallow fast and retreat one hand from his hair to pick up something yourself. This is the best thing you’ve ever tasted. It can’t be called an actual thing, in fact, it’s more than that. It has to be an artifact. A magic potion that you want to bottle up and drink all day, sweet and glowing.

It’s like alchemy.

And you’re so deliciously stuffed with that now.

Before you pull him out, all the negative pressure culminates. Then, the rest of his seed bubbles up placidly. The gaping feels like you just jammed a baseball bat inside of yourself, reckless abandon with a Himalaya of premium coke up your nose. Complete inebriation.

Water streams in and flushes out the final strands of cyan when his following spells seal you tight. Jungkook holds you firm until you detangle his hair with your remaining hand, then place it on his cheek. If there were mermaids out there, they’d be the luckiest women on the entire planet.

“Kook”, you whisper with an unwinding tremble, “you’re amazing.”

Anchoring an old khaki tent next to the pool takes some time, but you remember something about the manual. This goes here, that goes there, and this is how you zip up a sleeping bag. Jungkook giggles along. You can’t afford to sleep inside tonight. You only move your blouse to the safety of your wardrobe and get a snack, switch on the lights of the balcony to illuminate the garden for the rest of the evening. He’s singing for you.

The next day is grueling because you have to go to work. But before leaving, you relocate Jungkook to the bathtub as fast as possible, leaving him your phone with a short explanation so he can call you and vice versa. The anxiety comes back.

He gets lighthearted leisure magazines and books to spend the time, and devours them. History, art, fashion, beauty, celebrities, health, sports, food, philosophy, fantasy, comedy. He also asks for a globe and celestial map, saying his uncle vaguely told him about it. Maybe it’s good that he knows a bit more about the mainland when he returns. You don’t want to let him go with the same ideas he had before, give him a bit of faith in the good things you had here. The other side of the coin, even if it was just a glimpse of hope.

Though you didn’t expect him to return to your mansion in any way. Humanity is already terrifying enough. Especially after his loss. This should not happen again. You decide to leave him your trusted chef knife and a word of caution. He doesn’t know how to use it so you teach him the technique. He says he wouldn’t be any better than his attackers if there were some. You try to clarify that it’s the way humans act sometimes. Tit for tat. And he has all the right and responsibility to defend himself under threat, otherwise, he would never be able to see the stars again.

At 10 am you give him a short call. He’s fine, quite mesmerized how the phone works, and just a bit hungry. You decide not to spend lunchtime in the city, but speed your car to a local supermarket and deli, looking for seaweed. Returning home Jungkook is still in his place, having managed to drop Terry Pratchett and J. K. Rowling into the water. But all else is as before. In the afternoon, you call him twice. He talks about the invention of the lightbulb, pasta salad, Kant, and how nicely Tolkien writes about Hobbits. Work passes torturously slow, the keyboard in front of you blurs each time your mind drifts away. You go home early, leaving your subordinates Jimin and Seokjin a bit puzzled at a shallow excuse. If only they knew.

It’s way after dawn when you move him out of the bathroom. Jungkook gets the idea that you could just use a wheelbarrow this time, knowing you own one after having had enough hours to glance around your garden already. You fill a bit of water into it and pick boots with a sturdy profile. And it works, the leverage is much better on the arms. You arrive at the beach laughing and joking together how silly of a duo you must look like. Jungkook has already given his word to come back in two days around the same time.

The tide is close enough for you to take him to the water. He parts reluctantly with five, six, seven sublime kisses. You hope he wasn’t missed by his family. Busan’s nocturnal skyline radiates from afar when you watch him swim east ever so elegantly.

It’s hard to find any sleep later. Your arms still ache like hell from dragging him. And so many things are going through your head. You end up outside in the tent after taking a quick shower, pretending he’s still there. Jungkook has last started a chapter from the Chronicles of Narnia, and you put yourself in a tired daze finishing it. Work tomorrow is going to be so hard.

Jimin asks if you’re okay while he organizes some files, but doesn’t comment anything further. You resume typing with the feeling that you are now leading a double life. Taehyung’s words come back: Slow down, slow down. And you do. Wednesday you will see him at the bay, everything is alright. Who knows what you will do afterwards, how often you will meet. Maybe it’s good not to make him cross into dangerous territory regularly, or at least you should look for more hidden places. You’ll make it.

Two days after, you receive an early mail. You’re drowsy but startled, Taehyung and Jin haven’t sent anything for months. It has to be one of them.

It’s only a red envelope and some strangely filled paper bag. You peel open the red letter first.

It was made with a typewriter.

“A million and you get the fish back whole. He has a nice buzzcut already. Friday 1 pm, quay. Pull up with the money or you’ll see him on the news. Tell anybody and we will do the same to you.”

Below, the paper is embossed with a saw and hook symbol.

You drop the bag as soon as you open it.

There are hundreds of tiny pearls on the floor.

chapter two ║ i’m no angel (m)

↳ summary | who do you have to become to get him back?

⚠️ graphic violence, threat of drowning, car accident, aftermath of torture.

There’s an old cage.

Bars bent and crooked.

Not abandoned, just empty since this very day. You know he must have been inside, nothing else makes sense. The lingering smell around here, it belongs to him. The air is spiked with thyme, the scent of grass after it rained. It’s familiar. It’s so painful. You go on searching every corner of the hangar in a fever. It looks like a warehouse from the inside, stuffed with tools and other miscellaneous equipment.

Some wood, nails. Discarded tires. You’ve seen some of them on the SUV you followed to Busan city limits. You try to memorize the letters and numbers on them. AZ1-5986. Whatever that means. It could be of help later since you don’t know the SUV’s license plate.

As you remember that it’d be straightforward to just photograph the tires with your phone, a faint knocking sets your world on fire. It keeps repeating, they are fast and erratic knocks. Not mechanical ones. Not calm ones.

You hurry into the direction where you suspect they are coming from. There’s no doubt in your mind that you should not go. It’s the only sign of life, or whatever it is in this building. Somewhere, somewhere at the back behind two parked up seaplanes, timeworn and half deconstructed, there you locate it. A moss-covered fish tank is jammed between a humongous workbench and a freezer. A tail rests and winds grazing tight against the glass inside. Oh my god.

Yes, it’s him. You unbolt the lid, bring it down crashing on the freezer. Jungkook spins around inside the tank until his face comes to the surface. Pale grey eyes. Charcoal hair, cropped short. Pursed lips and a tapered chin. An Ingenue look. He’s agitated.

“I’ve heard you calling for him, you’re the one Jungkook’s talked about!”

No. It’s not Jungkook. Not his voice, not his face. Too lean, not sturdy at all. It’s definitely not him. His scent is much different, too. Sweet chestnuts, basil. It’s not familiar.

“Who are you, where is he?”

“Yoongi,” the merman blinks, “I’m his friend. They got us both at once at the beach.”

That’s what you feared. Jungkook’s friends and family getting dragged into this. You wish you had just sent him out as far away as possible where the hunters wouldn’t get him.

“I’m his—”

You don’t know what you are to him. A girlfriend? Hardly. An affair? More than that. It sounds weird anyway. Affairs are not that serious.

“He loves you.”

There it is. Jungkook told him. Lovers might be what describes you best.

“Where is he?”

“They’ve taken him to another place from here this morning. This is just the decoy. They told you to follow the car and fetch him here after paying.”

“They did. And now?”

“These are not the headquarters,” Yoongi props himself up at the edge of the tank. “The shipyard is. You have to go there!”

Of course. This hangar is as good as useless for a permanent stay. It’s just for the dirty work.

“And what happens with you? I won’t leave you here like that. But I can’t transport you in my car, there’s nothing like this tank.”

“It takes half an hour until I can’t go without any water. If you drop me at the sea it’s fine.”

“So I can take you with me?”

“I’ll be grateful forever. Jungkook didn’t lie about how you treat us.”

You steer your car into the hangar backwards, get out again with the engine on, rip the trunk open. The size has to be enough.

The high walls of the fish tank don’t permit you to lift Yoongi out of it. He tries to push himself up with the help of his fin several times, but he’s too large, the glass to slippery, and the tank too narrow. As a last resort, you grab a sledgehammer from the workbench to impact and shatter the glass. The handle is long, maybe 17 or 18 inches, allowing you to step back and lunge quite far. The glass doesn’t break right away. You are not used to wielding something like this. It takes three more strikes until you demolish the front wall. You have to be careful not to hit where Yoongi’s tail squeezes against the glass.

The gush of water Yoongi pushes you back, everything goes into splinters with fragments of glass bursting to the sides, then floating everywhere on the ground. Yoongi cuts himself several times at the arms and lower back before you can pick him up. His chest is flat and cold against yours, his body heavy and close to glide far from your grasp. Less so than Jungkook, but still it feels like the weight is tearing off your arms. His skin is like you’re touching soap.

There’s no sailing cloth or Taehyung’s art supplies this time. You try to heave him up as much as possible so his fin won’t touch the ground, glass cracking under your boots until you reach the car. Yoongi howls with pain when you try to tuck him in. His wounds scratch hard at the trunk’s plastic inlet. You show him how to open and close the tailgate from the inside, then shut it and set off.

It takes ten minutes to the bay.

The boatyard towers over the cranes and docks of the harbor. You speed in order to drive around. And there it is. AZ1-5986. They didn’t park the car inside, no. It stands blazen at the rear entrance. And they met you at 1 PM in the middle of the day. You’ve been tricked by absolute amateurs.

Or not.

There’s a scream coming from the inside. Sharp, heartbreaking.

No time to bring Yoongi to the sea.

You seize the sledgehammer from the passenger seat. And go.

You recognize them at one glance. It’s the small man and red-head woman you saw driving the SUV, the woman being the one you gave the ransom to. She gave cold instructions. The man is currently wearing large gloves, dripping with water. To your surprise, they seem to be alone. The vast silence of the dockyard seems too large to house them here. The woman sneers at you, patting the front of her black leather jacket.

“Your envelope’s still right here, Miss.”

“It will be here soon,” you point towards your own jeans pocket at the front.

She only tugs at her necklace in return. It’s made of colorful hair. Gold, turquoise. Teal and silver. You realized something. Only one thing drives them: cash. And since the government still wants the monopoly in the equation, that will be their eternal aim. Hunters are only tolerated for doing the messy jobs. The profiteer is elsewhere. And with the sums that they trade the mermen, your ransom money is only a temporary achievement, gone tomorrow. It’s not what Jungkook is worth to you anyways. Money can’t measure Jungkook. If only you could hold him.

What your instinct tells you at the sight of the hair is: Killing. No matter if it would alert authorities sooner or later, or bring a gang to your garden. But Jungkook’s words are still at the back of your mind. You don’t know if you’d be ready to be just as bad as they are. Maybe you’re no angel in all of this. You’ve infringed on the circle of life the minute you decided to pour water on Jungkook’s body at the beach. But there’s no way back. You have to be as bad, even worse. For him.

Because there he lies, in a giant tank with another merman with orange tail and skin. It’s close enough to see what’s inside. Pearls are piling up at the ground, and well from his eyes when they lock on you. His hair looks auburn, the long vivid strands are gone. They picked a lot of scales off his tail, too, leaving bloody spots. All the jewelry is nowhere to be seen. Instead, a heavy chain is wound secure around him several times, weighing his body to the ground. The other merman doesn’t have a chain. His scales and hair are removed entirely. They sawed one of his arms off, too. If you can judge by his face, the decaying process has already started. He’s been here for longer.

Your anger is boiling up. The woman’s shallow smile pushes you over the edge at last. She pulls out a soiled drop point knife. You hate her so much. This place has to be wiped out. Erased, cauterized. The entire gang if you have to. You charge gripping the hammer at the top with the right hand, at the bottom with your heft. Before you reach her, the man is wrapping his hands around your neck from behind, pulling you back from her.

One foot, two feet, three. You can’t breathe, panic. The feeling of his gloves is terrifying on your skin, in your mind. But the thought of Jungkook burns inside. Again you focus all energy in your arms. Finally. He takes your elbow to the stomach, cries out, and topples down. Before the man catches himself, you follow your impulse. It’s good that he dragged you away. This is the only chance. You withdraw your right hand from the handle and take a long swing back with all the might in your left arm. You hurl the hammer forward and send it flying towards her legs. The spin knocks her over right away. This tree got cut down. If you could, you’d make wood briquettes. But not now.

He’s coming at you again. Now that she’s unconscious, your job is easy even if your hammer is gone. Men have more frontal weak spots to hit.

He has his gloved fists up. Going towards you slowly. First he tries to suffocate you, now he’s playing fair, doesn’t he. You’ll floor him faster than her. Suits him, he’s the minion. The prick probably sawed apart Jungkook’s brother.

You wait until he comes close enough, put your fists up in return. Shit, shit, shit. Your arms hurt so much. You play the game despite the ache, dancing from foot to foot as he comes in. Then boot nasty fucker in the groin aimed from below, explosive and direct. He stumbles backward with a yell, falling agonized and twitching. You dive after him, leg extended to land a second kick under his chin. His head snaps back. That beats him senseless for once.

But you worry about Yoongi. The trunk. He’s still in there. Since twenty minutes or more. And even if he knows how to get out of there, it’s of no use. He can’t go anywhere. This has to be fast. At the other end of the scene, you pull the envelope from the woman’s jacket, along with a metal key and her necklace. She doesn’t deserve it.

You hurry to Jungkook, hammer all too heavy in your hands again. At one point, your arms are going to fall off your torso. But now you know better. You dash the tank to pieces in one final hurl towards the right spot, entirely graceless but effective. The water swipes you off your feet in a large outpour. Exhaustion is coming.

The splinters are much larger this time and the float glass appears to almost detonate under the pressure released. Jungkook is too heavy to get carried off by the surge. He lands just feet away next to you crying, repeating your name until you manage to stand up leaving the hammer behind.

“I missed you, Jungkook, what—”

“You, you came,” he winces, “are you fine?”

“Don’t ask about me,” you fumble at the lock of his chain, “we’ll get this off, talk is for later.”

“It hurts.”

He’s looking at you from dulled eyes. They might have put him into water, but the life is still drained out of him. You don’t want to imagine what happened. They bound the chain around him so tight that it left purple traces. After it’s off, you already know what to do with it. Jungkook picks an orange scale from his dead friend in the debris, whispering a last goodbye.

The thirty minutes are long over. The trunk is closed when you come out of the backdoor with Jungkook.

You open to a smiling Yoongi the second he sees you and Jungkook in your arms.

“Yoongi, you okay? Left you waiting.”

“Sure, but you?” he ruffles his hair a bit. You blink twice, seeing that it has grown a bit longer and darker since you saw it in the hangar. You noticed that with Jungkook as well, but didn’t put two and two together, or actually believed your own eyes. It must be magic at work. Or different physics.

At a second glance, there’s a decent layer of water in the trunk.

“Yes, they’re in chains. Where does the water come from?”

“You had several bottles of sparkling water in the corner. I like how it tingles, we don’t have that out there. My wounds... it seems they regenerate.”

Of course! The water. You bought it when getting groceries for Jungkook.

“And what do we do with the two?”

“We could take them out with us. But they’re affiliates, they all know about each other.”

“I’ll decide later by myself,” you guide Jungkook onto the rear bench seat. “We need to go...”

You kickstart the car, turn to head for the one-way lane to the docks. As close as your car permits, you maneuver toward the edge where water towers high. The tide is in favor. But there’s commotion at the end of the street where you came from. It’s a truck.

“Hurry!” Jungkook cries, “That’s the rest of them!”

You can’t drive away with them now. If you’re able to drop both off, then you’re already lucky. You drive closer to the water, preparing to unlock the car with your electric key so Yoongi gets the sign to open the trunk. But you soon feel that the car gets out of balance. You look into the rear-view mirror, estimating how much you could still drive backward, or forward. But it’s futile.

The weight in the back drags the car over the edge. You’re screaming. Jungkook tries to counterbalance. The car tips over anyways. It enters the water.

The door won’t open. Water keeps rising. The signal of the keys won’t unlock the car no matter how many times you press the button. Jungkook can’t manage to open the doors either, his strength has faded. The water level has almost reached the ceiling when he stops trying. You’re so far down and out of air, even if you managed to escape now diving upward would make you run out of air already. Maybe a few seconds left and you can say goodbye to this life. You can’t tell Jungkook how much you love him. It’s all too late. Everything, absolutely everything went wrong. Only failure remains. Fucked up from start to finish. Four lives ruined, two dead. You feel a thumping at the back of your head.

Jungkook intertwines his fingers with your hair from behind, whispering something between bubbles before you can’t hear anymore. An immense heat glues your legs together in an instant, melting the fabric of your jeans. A rousing bolt darts through your scalp, your feet stop moving. It feels like your body is bloating everywhere, soaking up water. Webbing springs forth between your fingers, fiery scales around your hips. Your hair starts growing out scarlet and thick, curling large before your eyes. The sides of your upper body start to open up wide, then close again. A burst of air expands in your lungs.

Now you know why Jungkook knew so much about civilized life.

Merpeople used to be human.

⁕ sequel: dauntless (m) | m.list in bio

2K notes · View notes