#and it’s like all these months of uplifting myself can just get fucked by one fuck up? I hate feeling this way and I know I just need more
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#had a real and scary panic attack after driving yesterday#it s like I feigned confidence and I could drive perfectly fine before but I took a little break without driving and boom#I’m reminded of how fucjing seriously debilitating my anxiety can be#and my sister was yelling at me the whole time#and when I parked she just started lecturing me the entire time of everything I did wrong and I couldn’t stop myself from crying#and then suddenly I couldn’t fucking breathe man it was fucking terrifying#I’m so so so tired of just living in fear man it sucks so bad#why can’t I just be normal why can’t I just not have trauma why can’t I just not have any mental illnesses#why can’t I just live my life without any baggage this fucjing sucks so much#I’m so scared to drive I’m so scared to stand up for myself and explain to her that her yelling isn’t helping me at all#I’m already terrified to drive and I’m teeeified to make mistakes on top of that and it’s just getting yelled at like that after really jusr#confirmed my fears with making mistakes and now I feel like that terrified child again and I’m regressing#and it’s like all these months of uplifting myself can just get fucked by one fuck up? I hate feeling this way and I know I just need more#time to process and reverse the negative thoughts I have of myself#but until I get that time I feel so sucky#I haven’t thought of killing myself in fucjing forever !!!!!!!! and here I am feeling the same way#but I drove man all the way and I parked#so I’m still proud of myself#I cant give up after one fuck up I can’t#but it’s just the pain is real and I feel like if I was anybody else I wouldn’t be having such an overwhelming reaction for making mistakes#while driving or for anything really but I’m me and the child living in me was hurt and punished and abused#and having this level of a fear of making mistakes might’ve been a learned reaction because of the consequences#but I want to comfort her and nurture her and heal her and get out of this survival mode and take criticism with stride#instead of having a breakdown over it#and withdrawing back into myself because that’s where I feel safe
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Oooh ok now we know your fav TOWL kiss(es) so the logical next question is what is/are you favorite TWD kiss(es) ???
And between your fav TOWL and fav TWD kiss… which one wins 😈
Just wanna start this off by saying I'm sorry I took so long to get to this! I've been busy lately but I wanted to give this question the time it deserved because I could really go on and on about every richonne kiss. But I am going to limit myself to my top 3. I would do more but currently I'm not in the hest headspace so its hard for me to think! This is in no particular order because it's hard as hell to pick favorites! Anywayyyy let's get started.
1. Have Your Mints
Okay so before richonne I wasn't really one of those people that shipped couples, okay? Of course I loved the chemistry between richonne but I wasn't as hardcore about it as I am now. I remember where I was when this moment happened. When I say it changed my life, it changed my entire DAMN life. Like, I was shell-shocked in the most amazing way possible. Never have I felt such euphoria in my life than I did when Rick and Michonne finally happened! I immediately became a VERY hard-core shipper. I would literally rewatch this kiss on repeat for HOURS for MONTHS straight. Obsessed was not even the word. Like it was straight up addiction the way I would watch it. Naturally it would have to be my favorite kiss! It's just so beautiful and romantic and sensual and tender, etc, etc, etc. I've never seen anything else like it. To quote Scott Gimple, "These are two people who have found kindred spirits in each other, strength, respect, support, loyalty. But the world has been screaming in their faces and clawing at them for a good part of their acquaintance. For all they’ve been through, when the world stopped screaming and clawing for them, they realized what they had." Wooooo! What a gorgeous quote. Basically, this kiss invented romance for me and changed the entire course of my life. I had to give it the #1 spot, I had to. I had to!!!
2. The Triple Kiss
This kiss is just too damn cute. If I'm not mistaken, it's the only casual kiss we ever get between richonne. Most of the time they're making out lmao! But it just goes to show how life has slowed down a lot for them and now they're fully able to enjoy their time together and they can take time with their kisses. It's so domestic. Also find it cute how Rick knows Michonne likes too work hard but kinda softly tells her to take it easy for the night because he wants to cuddle her to sleep. This whole scene is too good.
3. Hearts Still Beating
Well, this kiss was almost too dark to see but from what I did see it was sexy as fuck! And also very loving at the same time. Richonne is so good at that. I love love love LOVE Michonne's speech. She has such a way with words, her thinking about becoming a writer at one point in her life makes SO much sense. The way she talks about how she doesn't wanna do things her way. she wants to do it her AND Rick's way. She doesn't wanna do anything without her man by her side. The way she not only convines Rick to fight the saviors but also uplifts him in the process.... she is so one of a kind. And the way Rick listens intensely and values each and every word. This scene is also extra sweet because not only does it drive the narrative forward but it's also a makeup scene for Rick and Michonne who have been at odds! Whenever she starts crying and he cups her face and kisses her.... ughhhh you can just FEEL the yearning they've been experiencing over each other. They missed each other so bad and it feels so good for both of them to be back on the same page. This isn't an actual picture of the kiss but a still from the same scene. WHY IS THE STILL BRIGHTER THAN THE SCENE IN THE EPISODE!?!?! Lowkey I feel like someone on set was trying to sabotage them.
Now.... how do these compare to TOWL kisses? Well, this is kind of like asking a parent to pick their favorite child. How can I choose when they're all so perfect?!?!?!?! But seriously if you really want me to choose.....I have to go with the "have your mints" scene. I'm sorry! I just do. I mean... it's where we all started. It's what turned me into a shipper and kicked off the greatest love story of all time. Did I mention it was all done in one take and Danai and Andy essentially took their own direction for the scene? Meaning everything they did was unscripted and yet it still came off as the most natural thing in the world.... how can it not win?!?!
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I cant stress enough how much bi lesbians and bi lesbian discourse flared up my SO-ocd, I was fine for a few months and then I returned to this side of tumblr and I get reminded of them. One of my worst fears is that I am somehow a “bi lesbian” or if after all these years of questioning and finally coming to the conclusion that I’m a lesbian I’ll turn out to be straight in the end. Idk if I should have stayed on the art side of tumblr but where else do I find other lesbians??? I wish I could go back to when I didn’t know “bi lesbians” existed it was easier back then. Apparently the only thing to make intrusive thoughts subside is to be like “so what if I’m not a lesbian, who cares” but I cant do that. I wanna go back to when I didn’t know there were people who deliberately fake being gay because that’s also one of my fears,, even though when I realized I was a lesbian it felt like I REALIZED it rather than chose it
(this is gonna be long but it's very important to talk about so just a heads up on that)
i am so so sorry to hear this, and im infuriated that these fucking creeps in the "community" have caused not only so much blatant lesbophobia to spread but also have caused so much harm to lesbians.
i am right with you because ive been through, and still go through sometimes, what you're experiencing. its terrifying that all this bullshit can snowball and make any doubts we lesbians already have from living in this heterosexual patriarchal society double and multiply even more viciously.
my internalised lesbophobia has worsened also. i doubt myself alot and more often thanks to all this bs. its... i dont even have words to express how damaging lesbophobia, especially from within the "community", is.
it causes harm and trauma and pain and suffering for lesbians, but all these stupid juvenile shits just think it doesnt matter because "uwu theyre so kweer and cool now"
it sucks... but i need you to know it is not your fault that you feel this way.
no matter what anyone inside or outside the community says, and no matter what your spiralling thoughts might make you believe as a result of lesbophobia inside and outside the community, you are not straight, you are not a "bi lesbian", you are not bisexual. you are a lesbian.
i know it is so so hard to just say but i promise you, nothing they say will ever ever change the reality of your lesbianism. i promise you.
it hurts, and its beyond infuriating to have to share space with these disrespectful bastards who coopt our lived experience for a moment of attempted self-actualisation, and that pain deserves to be acknowledged and soothed, not pushed away.
i wish i could give you a hug rn honestly because this shit just fucking sucks. i too wish i could go back to the time when these idiots werent even a concept in my mind or memory, but if there is any advice i can give you to help ease the torment of this constant barrage, it is this:
❤️🧡🤍🩷💖
1) know, for a fact, that nothing anyone, and i mean ANYONE says and no matter how loud they say it, will ever change the lived and exact reality of your innate sexuality.
nothing will ever magic away your lesbianism. it is wired into you, it IS you, a very central part of your personhood. that is not something that any words, especially words shat out of the asshole of a dickhead child on the internet, can ever change.
im not disregarding the hurt, im just reminding you that who you are, who you truly are, cannot change because of the words that hurt. especially because you know deep down that those words are not true.
because being a lesbian is who you are. it is not a quota to reach, or what you do, it is who we are. innately. you know where your natural attactions lie, what genders draw your attraction exclusively and without effort. you know that deep down. we are literally born this way. words cannot change that.
❤️🧡🤍🩷💖
2) the best thing to do whenever you accidentally glimpse said bullshit is to block them and focus on uplifting the actual lesbian community.
lesbians community is such an integral lifeline, i cannot emphasise the sheer importance of enough.
these idiots are, after all, idiots and do not deserve your energy, your time or your pain. they will never matter, and the truth is, they only exist on the internet among weirdos who have no sense of self so seek it by stealing bits and pieces from other peoples personal experience and identity.
they are and always will be inauthentic, unlike you.
❤️🧡🤍🩷💖
3) find and focus on the joy of your lesbianism individually and in lesbian community with other lesbians.
We lesbians are blessed to experience the best kind of human life possible: lesbianism.
our sexuality is bold and strong and proud and beautiful and brilliant and effervescent. it is perfect and brave and worthy of honor and praise and celebration and respect.
our community of lesbians is just as exquisite as we are individually. we are diverse and divine. every butch, femme, stud, stone, masc and feminine lesbian; every trans woman, transmasc, transfem and nonbinary lesbian; every black and brown and lesbian of color; every aromantic, asexual, aroace, non-partnering and polyamourous lesbian; every lesbian of every age and race is so overflown with wisdom and joy and love and brilliance. there is nothing more empowering as a lesbian and nothing that strengthens lesbian pride more than being in a community of lesbians and finding joy in ourselves through each other.
and im not just saying this to be mushy. i mean it. lesbians are divine, and thus, you are also divine.
you are perfect as a lesbian because you ARE a lesbian. you are incredible and intelligent and brilliant and brave.
nothing will change the brilliance of who you are, and in everything you are as a lesbian, you have a universe of lesbians who have been, who are and who will be, all of whom have not only been through the same and similar demeaning bs from the same kind of lesbophobic idiots, but they fought it back and survived and lived and thrived as lesbians.
you are just as strong as every lesbian who has been and is. and you are not alone. i promise you.
i am slowly rebuilding the community of lesbians on this blog that i had on my old one, but i promise you, on my blog you are safe. i swear, i will always always put lesbians first here, and that includes you. i will always defend and support and celebrate lesbians first here, and here you will find many other lesbians who will do the same.
❤️🧡🤍🩷💖
i know this was long, im sorry about that but i just need you to know that i see and feel your pain with you, and i need you to know that you arent going through it alone, and you are not alone.
we lesbians have always stuck together to defend and fight for one another, we have always survived, we have always been here, and we always will be.
i hope this reassures you in some way, and know you're always welcome and safe here ❤️🧡🤍🩷💖
#asks#lesbophobia#lgbtq#anti bi lesbian#lesbian#lesbian community#lesbianism#internalised lesbophobia#lesbian pride#lesbian positivity#proud lesbian#lesbian safe#lesbian blog#butch lesbian#femme lesbian#stud lesbian#stone lesbian#trans lesbian#transmasc lesbian#transfem lesbian#nonbinary lesbian#black lesbian#brown lesbian#lesbian woc#lesbian poc#aro lesbian#ace lesbian#aroace lesbian#polyamourous lesbian#non partnering lesbian
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September MC & OCs of the Month - Special Edition: Sydney Valentine
Help us in welcoming September's MCs and OCs of the month! That's right, plural! Most months, CFWC highlights one randomly selected MC or OC from our Meet My MC / OC List. (More info here.) But this month, we're doing something different.
In August, @lilyoffandoms hosted a Writers Appreciation Month, and we announced the September Writer of the Month would be selected from its participants. But all participants agreed - Lily deserved the honor! Still, we wanted to do something nice for the eleven writers who elected to participate to help uplift other writers in the fandom. So, this month, each of the eleven participants will have one of their MCs or OCs highlighted.
We will introduce each MC / OC individually, and once all eleven have been highlighted, a masterlist for the month will be created. We hope you enjoy getting to know all about them!
The fourth MC of the Month is @peonyblossom's Sydney Valentine!
Learn more about Sydney below!
MC chosen: Dr. Sydney Valentine
In your own words, tell us what you like most about your MC. I genuinely cannot decide what I like most about Sydney LMAO. I just. love him. idk.
Do you feel your MC is like you at all? How are you alike or different? I would say we’re more different than alike. Sydney loves winter/winter and snow related activities, and I just cannot handle the cold and the snow like that. He’s also more outspoken than I am. I can be outspoken when I need to be, but I like keeping to myself much more than Sydney does. Probably ’cause he’s a big extrovert, and I’m a huuuuuge introvert lol. As for things we have in common, we both like to fuck around with gender and gender expression, which is pretty cool.
What is most important to your MC? What is their motivation in life? The most important thing to Sydney/their motivation in life is making the world (or as much of it as he can, anyway) a better and safer place for minorities, especially LGBTQIA+ people and Asian Americans, because he falls into both of those groups. As a bisexual, Korean demiboy, Sydney has dealt with some major bullshit throughout his life, and his spite motivates him.
If your MC could change one thing - anything - what would it be? The American healthcare system
What is your MC’s favorite quote or song? Pretty Savage by BLACKPINK
Is there anything else you’d like to share about your MC? Sydney was one of the first, if not the first (I don’t really remember 😬) MC I shared in this fandom, and I love him with all my heart. I was a little nervous to be posting Ethan x m!MC because of the sheer amount of (very lovely) f!MCs in the OH fandom were a bit intimidating. I’m really glad I wrote for Sydney, though, because he is seriously such a fun character, and I love being able to contribute to the amount of Ethan x m!MC fics out there.
Dr. Sydney Valentine
#choices fic writers creations#cfwc mc of the month#sydney valentine#peonyblossom#playchoices#open heart
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Hi! Will you stop taking T before you reach a point where you cannot be perceived as a butch lesbian anymore or is that not something that would be a problem for you ? Because when I think about it my dyke ass would be mortified to look just like your average grown straight man. And even when comparing it to my attraction to women (which doesn’t really include straight women anymore) I would understand them all not being into me because I’d look too much like what they aren’t into, so there’s a balance here to find. But maybe that’s not the case for you?
i’m going to assume that this is asked in good faith, so let’s engage - because I feel like this is some rich queer theory to dive into
first off: it’s not just transmasc lesbians that struggle with the straight man dysphoria (yes, anon, that’s what you’re describing, dysphoria: an unhappiness with society and one’s perceived place within it). i’m sure you can imagine that tma lesbians must particularly struggle with this - and perhaps a way to ease that dysphoria a little for the trans dykes in your life is to refrain from admitting your disgust at the idea of looking like a huge percentage of the world’s population. and instead remember that straight men have the capacity to love and uplift women just as lesbians have the capacity to hurt the women in their lives. perhaps it would be easier to then recognize straight men as potential collaborators in the fight for women’s liberation.
And it’s not the end of the world to be mistaken for a straight guy. no one can take my dyke card away, I know who I am and where I’m coming from. And hey, I think I would rather be mistaken for a random straight man than be mistaken for Ellen, and I would rather be mistaken for a random cis guy than Buck Angel. Every identity group has their annoying fucks no one can stand.
So to address your question anon - will I stop taking hormones? the answer is I don’t know! So much of the anti trans rhetoric right now revolves around the “irreversible” changes of HRT and the “regret” that may follow. I worry that we, as trans queers, have taken some of that propaganda to heart; I sense this fear amongst other trans people that our future selves may rue and lament the ways we build our bodies today. What if I want to detransition later and hate myself for what i’ve done/become? And I’m all for being cautious and making sure you truly want something before diving head first - but I want trans people to extend grace towards themselves, to practice loving ourselves in the here and now and not worry what a future version of ourselves may want. Regret is an unavoidable emotion in life, it’s okay to feel regret, I know that if I end up one day regretting taking testosterone I will survive.
So for now I have no plans on stopping testosterone. I don’t have any benchmarks I want to hit before I know it’s time to stop or anything. I’m just going to keep taking T for as long as it feels good to do so. That may be for as long as I live, that may be until next month - I have no idea. I know that no matter what, I am a working class queer latino butch anarchist. I am very secure in that identity and I don’t need anyone to validate it for me—i’m living it every day.
and as far as attracting other lesbians - i’m mainly t4t so it’s not much of a problem, other trans people get it, and we’re all horny for each other. and there’s definitely no shortage of queer cis women who are into me (albeit a little fetishistically). really who i’m struggling with is the femboys! let me take care of you and buy you cute lingerie PLEASE I swear i’m butch enough 😫
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Thank you for the Snack reply
I liked your thoughts on all of it but especially the teen snack with Slytherin Sirius is something that really intrigued me.
I never read a fic where Slytherin Sirius is friends with Snape. Most times he is a loner and only regulus keeps him company, though I don't think this guy has in him to just be on his own. He is a dog so obviously he is gonna make friends....
And I mean he would maybe not run away if snape and him become friends because with James his views are skewed when it comes to dark magic. So maybe he can find a neutral ground with his family.
Thanks again....
Also wanted to mention how gr8 it is that you like canon lupin character without mollycoddling him. Salute to you for that. Because I myself fall in the category that I like to stay away from any fics where he is shown as a major character, irrespective if it is his canonic version or fanon version.
I am just totally irked with all the subtle ways he is being uplifted rather than keeping him an average character he is.
I mean lupin in hp world is a mirror image of average real human. We are mostly average in look, personality, income, luck etc. We are not prone to becoming vilian like Peter on the drop of hat, we are nit super loyal like Sirius, we are not extremely charismatic like James. Major people are average.
But fanon has made be totally turned off by this character.
Also I don't like him because I think I myself won't want to be in company of someone who is a pro gaslighter and manipulator. In these two situation he strays away from average human because general people are not so scared that they will do anything to protect themselves from smallest inconvenience.
Anyways, apologies that I went into my super unimportant rant.
This is not me bashing him.... This is me telling my reasons for disliking him and appreciating your ability to announce that yes you like him but you like him with flaws and all and not not the whitewashed version of him....
So kudos for being canon remus fanon....
You don't gotta like Remus, im not trying to change your mind or something
I'm just gonna use this ask to blab about something I love about him B^)
No need for apologies. I appreciate it and liked reading it :)
I also don't like most fanon Remus'. He is either a soft little angel who is always nice and sweet - or he is... a tough, grumpy badass??? huh??
You are right in that he is more of a reflection of an 'average person', rather than having a more extreme personality trait.
He is a normal guy... dealing with a chronic illness.
A disability. A really fucking brutal one.
+ It is incurable
+ Children learn how to identify people with this disability - and how to kill them.
+ It's expensive (and near impossible) to treat - and the treatment mainly just makes it safer for other people rather than helping HIM not suffer. It sedates him - it doesn't help him feel better.
+ It is debilitating beyond the Full Moon. Days before the full moon he gets pale, sweaty, irritable... days after the full moon he is exhausted, torn up, healing... The rest of the month he has to deal with poverty and a lack of good meals or shelter.
Even if he was allowed to have most jobs like normal Wizards, even if that were legal - he is sick. He struggles to do the work.
Being trapped by that sickness, having to struggle, having the threat of everything being taken from you by other people who don't get it...
The reality of managing your own body along with surviving homelessness and an utter lack of sympathy or support...
...It has made him not a very nice person sometimes. It has made him defensive, selfish, cowardly, paranoid, desperate, untrusting...
And I love that. So, SO much. I LOVE HIM
(Disability drabble below, sorta poorly thought out, I'm tired today)
It is rare to see characters with invisible disabilities, like severe mental illness - or fatigue and chronic pain.
...and every month loses his mind to 'the delusion of being a wolf.'
Most stories cut off a characters limb and that's it. They get a 'better than flesh' replacement. Their disability becomes their best, strongest, coolest aspect. Why doesn't everyone cut their arm off...?
But disabilities aren't cool. Us disabled people don't want to see someone like us that's 'all fixed' physically and mentally.
We want to see how being disabled has changed them.
The struggles they go through to manage it.
How they have learned to cope - and maybe even thrive.
On the flip side - characters with scars, disfigurements or disabilities are often villains. 'Ugly is evil', or 'I am different so now I am bad'
Disabled characters aren't often allowed to just... have problems.
Either their disability isn't disabling or it defines their evil.
There are lots of mentally, invisibly or physically disabled people in Harry Potter - and the way they are portrayed is so... gritty and cool.
One day I'll blab about how the series treats disability... One day.
I appreciate that Remus can be disabled and also flawed, toxic, struggling, misunderstood by everyone... but be good, too.
He tries, so hard, and struggles to find people who can understand.
It's a complex mix of his own problems and societies problems.
We see him tell children who love him that he is sick - and they have a flash of disgust, of mistrust, of cruelty. But he understands.
Hes seen it so many times before. He is strong. He is forgiving.
It has never killed his compassionate heart - nor his drive to nurture, to be helpful. But it HAS still hurt him. Broken him. It isn't 'okay'.
Remus is a lovely, soft man trapped within complex layers of different types of suffering - some of which he's done to himself, some were inflicted upon him... and some of which are unfixable.
His story isn't one about getting better or being cured - it's about learning healthier ways to cope. Getting support. Unpicking the unhealthy coping strategies he has weaved for himself.
That is interesting, deep, complex - and cathartic, as someone who has chronic health issues, too. My body attacks itself, too.
The coping strategies I have learned aren't the same as Remus', but many of them aren't healthy. We are different... but it feels nice to see a character who goes through similar things - and not perfectly.
Remus isn't trying to offer me answers to my problems, like 'just try harder' or 'get help'. Remus understands those things don't work.
I just can't relate to able-bodied characters as much.
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vent post, .. putting it under readmore cus its long.
sooo yeah, basically, idk waht to do with my life, and i feel like a burden in the sense that i cant provide for myself rn. i never talk about my living situation but i am almost 29 yrs old, unemployed and having to be supported by my friends cus my family is too poor to help me in any way. like i have to live with my friend’s parents which somehow feels even more pathetic than living w my own parents.. i mean ofc i am very grateful to them for helping me but the guilt racks up more n more each day. when i was 14 my mom told me, ok you’re old enough to work now so you have to get a job if you want literally anything for yourself that isn’t the bare essentials. u want anything other than canned soup for dinner? thats on u. so i got a job, at 14!!! i think back now and im like what the fuck. i was a child... but alas. i worked and worked, i was almost never unemployed my whole life after age 14, except for during 2020 pandemic, and these past few months.
work, work, work, i worked so many piece of shit jobs, i never went to school or anything, there were a few good jobs here n there but they’d always end up getting sabotaged by one of my bipolar episodes. a lot of times, when i was rly desperate, i wld resort to escorting, which i just fucking hated and have been put in a lot of compromising situations and ugh. yeah, what im GETTING at is, ive literally never had security in my life, ive never had resources, the past 15 or so years have been lived in survival mode, and 6 months ago i finally fucking crashed and burned. like, no, i fucking refuse to work anymore, im suicidal all the time, ive never been able to heal from anything that’s happend to me, i dont care if i die broke and alone, i just cant work these demeaning ass jobs anymore. im very grateful to my friedns who have been helping me not die since then, i try rly hard to live frugally, i only eat what i rly need, rarely treat myslef, etc etc.
but now its like, where do i go from here? i know i need to start thinking about generating income again and it makes me so fucking sick. all i can rly do is commissions, but i hate putting a price on art, its only fun to me when im doing it for free. i dont want it to stop being fun. i dont want it to be about money. im scared to try i guess. i definitely dont want to work another stupid job but i also just sit in the house all day and it feels unhealthy. i dont want to meet people, i dont want coworkers, hate putting myself out there cus i cant relate to anyone. hate watching them in real time slowly realize that theres something seriously wrong with me, its embarrassing. i just need something to do.. i dont have a car or anything, i dont even know how to drive because i always figured id be too poor to afford a car. and so far ive been correct about that.
i guess this post is pretty embarrassing too but oh well.. i figure at least on here some ppl can relate.. like fuck i cant even get a therapist to respond to me. everyone just keeps begging me to get therapy as if it will save me. im really lonely w all my feelings and memories. i feel like im in purgatory and all i can do is keep drawing pictures for ppl to enjoy and trying to post things that are uplifting so i can at least make someone elses day a little brighter. but i wish i had a plan or an answer or a real goal. i reallty really really want to be nothing.
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23:30. September 28th, 2022.
Okay. I grew out my hair again because my lover at the time wanted me to. I figured “Why the fuck not?” I didn't know if I had it in me to do it all over again but I persevered and grew it out. Once that ended I spent a few months waging a war on myself over whether or not I should cut it off. Some sort of protest against what happened, or a strike at new independence. Some bullshit like that. I’m glad I didn’t cut it all off. I realised that I genuinely liked it and it suited me. There's not a day that goes by where I don’t get at least one positive comment, a compliment, something that uplifts me, on my hair. It’s just part of my identity at this point. Sure, I could buzz it all off, and I’d live, but it just wouldn’t be me. I’m only a pair of Birks and cargo shorts away from being a full-on hippy. Maybe that’s a good reason to fuck it off. I’m only kidding. I don’t think I’ve got that much aimless, directionless love inside of me. I believe we all have this idealised, superhero version of ourselves that lives within each of us but only a smattering every really get access to it. I occasionally get compared to this bloke I’m very good friends with, Eddie, and he's probably the best person I’ve ever met. I’m flattered with the comparisons but I lack a lot of his better qualities, or at least, I don’t display them to the degree he does. He doesn’t have a trace of cynicism inside him, whereas the cynic in me has a loose tongue. He’s the sort of person that’s the superhero version of themselves. He’s a great friend, hardworking, caring, compassionate, an even better father, and just everything a man should be. I’m too self-aware, in a negative way. Aren’t most creative types? I believe where we harmonise most is in our end goal: We just want others to be happy. It’s a lofty goal, overly idealised, and it’s the annoying fucking lefty in me, but I believe it in my heart of hearts. The world can be a cruel, miserable place, but there’s also a lot of beauty, if you’re on the appropriate wave length, or if you open your eyes enough to let the light in instead of focusing on the shadows.
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Roleplayers are Mentally Unstable
(I'm greatly exaggerating, but the title isn't all that far off from reality.)
Throughout my years on Discord, I've met all kind of people - and I can safely assume that at least half of them either have a mental health problem, they're just massive pieces of shit, or both. To be fair, I've met loads of incredible people, but even the best have their failings.
I'm no better - hell, I'm probably worse than some of my friends; I'm an emotional wreck reliant on other people's validation to continue functioning. But I've recognized that, well, roleplayers can be, in a lot of cases, vulnerable escapists who might not easily tolerate critiques.
Creative people aren't exactly the models of mental health, and with roleplaying, the problems only multiply. It's a hobby for those who want to escape the daily struggle of reality, to forget their troubles and just do stupid shit. That's generally fine, really - but very often, escapism doesn't seem to be a healthy way to approach roleplaying, let alone the rest of the world.
I think that comes due to an issue with one's mentality. I've also started roleplaying partially to get away from the monotony and pain of high school (cursed be it's name), but as I became older and more experienced, the other reasons for having this hobby - curiosity, a sense of community - trumped escaping the real world. Hell, while I'm still generally isolated from other people IRL, I no longer see roleplaying as an avenue for running away from real life; it's 'just' a passion that takes some of my time away and helps me make friends.
I admit, though, I spend too much time inside a cramped room.
Obviously, other people aren't so lucky. I'm generally well off, but some of the acquaintances and friends I made are worse off; hell, I've seen a handful of them basically melt down, go off on really unhinged rants, and admit to thinking some really fucked up shit, which... yeah, that happens. I've done that too a couple of times.
It also doesn't help it's full of youngsters over there. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but teenage drama, combined with escapism, leads to some pretty cringey or even outright terrible events - 2019 wasn't the brightest year in my life.
That, and when you start roleplaying, you're generally bound to have terrible ideas and shit writing; it happens, and you shouldn't ashamed of it, but remembering the teen edgefests and the power-ups and abilities I ripped off of Dragon Ball isn't exactly uplifting.
I still remember my first romantic relationship, and holy shit, it's kinda hilarious to look back on.
Yeah, it was a long-distance relationship on Discord of all damn platforms; it wasn't perfect, we were too horny for our own good (especially myself), and we were both emotional crutches to each other, but it was a positive experience overall for me.
Then, after a strange breakup some months before, she vanished, and soon after I found out she had cheated on me with other friends in the server we were a part of. I wasn't terribly upset about it, but I do know one of my friends was pretty fucked up once he found out.
I'm not mad at her. I think she was just too desperate to connect with other people for her own good. I think she was generally honest about who she was or the life she lived; but I wish she had at least been honest and admitted this to all of us before she left our lives.
If you're reading this, old friend, I'm not upset. I'm just confused about why you did all this.
Sorry for going off on a tangent like that (and that this isn't a coherent rant), but yeah. That's about it, really; you'll get better at roleplaying, but you can also slowly get better as a person. It just takes effort, dedication, and a couple of good friends. That, and maybe a change of mentality.
Don't get upset when you people critique your MHA knockoff OC (not to be confused with outright insulting you, obviously); just ask for feedback. Besides, with enough practice and time, you'll get better at it, and you'll even come up with your own ideas. Don't expect them to be (wholly) original; but that's not an issue on it's own, it mostly depends on how you implement those ideas.
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snow day! ❄️
welfare Wednesday/Thursday morning middle of the night catch-up on life blog post:
Met up with a friend on Wednesday morning and went to a thrift store and then tried a coca leaf drink for the first time; a maple cocaccino. It was tasty and it made me feel energized and uplifted for a couple hours. I bought a new winter jacket, a pink blazer that looks like a short wrap trench coat that will look cute for spring/summer with light layers underneath, a pair of comfy pink fleece sweatpants, and a beautiful satin light lemon yellow tank top and a vintage longsleeve shirt with a gorgeous sparkly purple fabric that I intend to redesign and sew into something a little more modern. The fabric is absolutely stunning and the colour and silver sparkle woven through lights up my face beautifully.
I only spent $100 total which is a fucking steal considering the jacket, blazer and tank top were all brand new Aritzia items and the pants and vintage top were both $7 each. Walking through the snow is definitely a good workout if you didn’t know, but you need to have the right shoes or you’re fucked. I wore a pair of hunter rain boots and they were feeling slippery and tight, not feeling like my feet were gripping the snow properly. Walking is the most underrated exercise - like seriously did you know how much weight I’ve lost by simply just increasing the number of steps I take per day? It’s like the slacker approach to fitness and weight loss. I want to start walking around my neighborhood more when I am not working during the daytime. I want to get out in the world and take in the sights and surroundings instead of being so in my head and glued to my phone and heating pad, laying in bed. I went for a walk in Chinatown after getting the cocaccino with my friend. I had walked in a circle down pender, up main, and back up keefer, and started feeling the most wicked gas in my stomach and intestines. I braced myself and walked home and asked my friend if this was a normal side effect of the coca leaf? She said yes, that it can get things moving. I had ran home because I had formerly had IBS accidents as a symptom of fibro and I knew how scary it was to feel like you’re about to lose control of your bowels in public. I’m also in a state of mild withdrawal as I’ve cut my opiate meds down 75% and 46% in the last month. I ran home as I farted loudly and sat on the toilet and realized it was just a false alarm, it was just some scary gas. I laughed at myself and went back outside and went to walk to a grocery store I mentioned in a previous post but found it was closed due to the snow. I walked back to a grocery shop that I noticed was open that I’d earlier walked by and grabbed a few things but then realized it was cash only and I didn’t have any cash on me. I went to grab cash at an atm, ordered some takeout, and returned and was pleasantly surprised to see that my grocery basket was only $20ish total. I walked back to grab takeout, which was not vegan, as I’m not fully vegan anymore, I would say I’m a flexatarian that just eats whatever my body feels like now. But anyways I walked into vegan supply to get coconut milk for a recipe I was planning on making with a bag of non vegan takeout food, likely smelling offensively like dead animal, and tried to get out of there as fast as possible and escape the manager’s confused facial expression and judgment. Kinda laughing at myself and how awkward that situation made me feel, but at the same time I feel that people have the right to change their diet as they grow and change and it might not always mean eating one way but a learning process. When I was fully vegan, most of the time I was definitely not getting enough nutrients and was eating a lot of “processed vegan junk food” and thinking that was somehow not equivalent to glorified corner store munchies. Because really? When I am eating a vegan copy of a twix bar, called a “no tricks” bar (I like to enjoy them on a night off work) it’s literally still eating a chocolate bar. It’s fooling myself to think that it’s somehow so much better for me because the ingredients might be slightly healthier. Like it’s still a chocolate bar babe not a protein bar?! It’s candy. Just cuz it’s vegan doesn’t make it not candy.
I went home and ate, put away groceries and laid down to take a nap, as it was still snowing. My room felt cold and I grabbed another blanket and I started feeling sleepy. I napped all afternoon till 9pm and then realized I’d forgot to take my meds earlier and was sweating buckets and shivering from withdrawal. I ate some leftovers and took my meds and stared feeling normal again. I had such a good nap. It felt so nice to rest while it was snowing, knowing there was no point in attempting to go to work or go anywhere or do anything. I had planned to do some more cleaning and maybe some baking on Wednesday afternoon but that’s okay, I can do that today? I’m going to make some weird purple sweet potato brownies. I haven’t baked anything the whole time I’ve lived here. That’s gotta change. I have a mini convection oven that a client bought me when I first moved in. Shoutout to J, who was one of my first outdoor clients to pick me up, but is no longer a part of my life. I’m forever grateful that he bought me literally everything I needed to set up my kitchen here when I first moved in back when I was new to outdoor work. That was legit one of the most underrated but appreciated practical gifts a client had ever given me, knowing I had gone no contact with my parents at that point in time and didn’t have someone to help me with furnishing my place. That was sweet. However it was lovebombing and just a red flag of his Narc personality so he later became pretty problematic. But still legit so helpful because my place required a fancy induction hotplate that was much more expensive than the usual $15 army and navy single burner hotplate special I had become used to with SRO living. He got me an induction hotplate and a mini convection oven plus this huge ass box of dollar store kitchen utensils , there’s no way that I would have been able to buy all that for myself as a babyswer just starting out with no savings. Or I would have rather spent the money at lululemon lab back then and wouldn’t have been as responsible as I am now. I really want to start cooking more and using my kitchen more. Fibro, chronic fatigue and executive dysfunction made cooking and cleaning really hard for the last couple years and I really want to start changing my eating habits and start cooking more for myself and buying takeout and packaged/prepared/processed foods less. The relationship I left made me realize that I’ve been kinda addicted to sugar for awhile but it wasn’t as bad as my former partner who kind of scared me with how much sugar I would see him consume.
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I am really upset.
I'm mad but I'm also heartachingly sad but I also feel lonely and I don't know how to make it stop.
I started my application for Betterhelp (shoutout to distractable) but won't have the funds to start that until 2 months and that just made my mole hill into Mt. Everest.
I live with my daughter and Husband but he doesn't feel like a safe place to go to and I'm not going to traumatize my daughter with my problems. My best friend lives in a small city south of us and it doesn't feel right to talk to my blood family.
This is the one place my Husband doesn't go to very often (all of the other socials he's on constantly so if I posted anything there he would know right away) so this is where I'll talk.
Hopefully this will just get buried in everyone's feed but if you do run across this post, you're forewarned that this isn't an uplifting blurb.
I am hurt and I need to let it out to work through it. Atleast until I can afford Betterhelp.
I feel as though I can't trust my husband. About a month back I found out he was dragging my name through the mud literal days after my dad passed. I called him out on it and to his credit he didn't try defending himself, he just accepted he fucked up and he was sorry.
The thing is he's fucked up before and I still haven't recovered from that either. And now I'm finding myself asking if this relationship is even worth it. I don't even want to go to him with how I'm feeling because I'm afraid he'll either push it to the side or go behind my back and talk shit about me again. Or better yet, him blaming all this on a communication problem which always bugs me because I felt as though my communication was going pretty good. Maybe that's why I don't want to talk to him, to show him what an actual lapse in communication feels like. Is that vindictive? Petty? Sure. But so was talking about me behind my back when I can't even stand up for what he said I was doing.
Oh gods, and his phone!! I feel like absolute dog shit when I spend all day on my phone and I don't get half the things I wanted done. Meanwhile he has it when he wakes up, before even getting out of bed he spends 30mins to an hr on it before saying hi to me or our daughter. And then he's back on it again, barely doing any chores around the house, talk to me about the future and where we see ourselves 3, 5, 7 years down the way. Nothing! He's so focused on himself and his stupid phone he becomes irritated when my daughter tries to pull him out of it and when it's his responsibility to feed her she always ends up eating late.
Like, I wouldn't mind if he was atleast a little productive on the thing but no, he's literally doom scrolling and bounce from one social media to the next in need for brain stimulation.
But, oh, call me the nagging mother if I tell him this so he can have an outside perspective on a problem he should work on. Like, I was never good with taking criticism in the past but I feel like I'm getter better. Not the best but better then how I was. But he can't take ANY criticism because he has to much pride he'd rather choke on it then try to be better fucking person.
This wasn't supposed to turn into a husband bashing post, but I guess that's where we are.
On top of his bs, I have my own internal shit that I'm going through that he just doesn't seem to understand. I can't tell if it's from a lack of carring or he just can't sympathize. Whatever it is, I can't go to him, good communication or otherwise.
As I said earlier, my dad passed. It happened back in August and we held a funeral for him in September. So where does that leave me? Well, I'm the only family in town for my mom and now she's living by herself in a house ment for a family. (She told me she hasn't eaten a dinner by herself in over 50 years). So once my lease is up I'm moving back into my childhood home.
Fun little tidbit, she is hard-core American Christian. I am not and I haven't told her this yet. I've been trying to find myself for the past couple of years and her religion just isn't the path I want to walk (hasn't been for a while).
Like, when I talked to her about the Roe v Wade overturning, she was quick to call abortion manslaughter and that back when she was a girl, the women would have to go to their church's priest to plead a their case as to why they'd need an abortion. I was quick to exit that conversation before I started seeing red. That was the day I decided to keep my medical history private from my own mother, because damn her for believing in a religion that takes away rights over women's bodies.
Fuck, I just wish I could have somewhere to run to just to sort out the thoughts in my head. I feel like I'm trapped inside my apartment with no safe haven to run to just to be me. Even if it's only for 1 hour a week.
I don't even know what makes me me anymore.
It's late, I'm tired and my head hurts. I'm going to go lay down and hopefully get up to a better day, because this one was shit.
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Pathfinder stole my life, Cult of the Lamb and Sense, A Cyberpunk Ghost Story
Legit folks. I'm in deep. I'm saving fanart on my phone when I find it. The obsession is real. I'm even diving back into saves when I make mistakes to fix things. It's engrossing. Or maybe I'm just a sad nerd. The complexity of the relationships and the characters is really what's sticking with me. The subtleties.
Aside from Pathfinder - which I may never finish at this rate - I've been doing a lot of gaming with an old WoW friend of mine. We've been playing a lot of Back 4 Blood. We've completed the campaign both on Recruit and Veteran. At this point I think we're just honing skills for Nightmare. Which I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for but we'll just have to wait and see.
I've also been dabbling with Cult of the Lamb and Sense, A Cyberpunk Ghost story.
Cult of the Lamb is pretty much exactly Hades. Only, you build a cult instead of well.. just getting stronger and "escaping hell." /shrug
The sad part is, I am absolute trash at this rogue-like gameplay. I shit you not friends, I was not built for rogue-like. Which is unfortunate as fuck because I really like the games. T.T
If rogue-like is your thing - and you're not a total potato like me - then just do yourself a favor and get Cult of the Lamb. It's really good. I also like the cartoon-y art. It always manages to give me a chuckle.
As far as Sense is concerned, it's reminding me a lot of Tokyo Dark. It has many similar mechanics. The only thing is that you have to run from ghosts. Something that wasn't a part of the mechanic in Tokyo Dark. I do miss my sanity meter though. xD Always been a fan of sanity mechanics. I'll have to dig deeper into it to get a better feel of the game.
One of the great things about being out of work this month has been catching up on games. I've also been doing a fair amount of writing. Which is absolutely amazing. I guess my muse can come off of the life-support she's been living on for the past two years. I have 3 separate stories brewing at the moment. One is almost completely outlined. Another I've just started writing - will probably end up being a short story or novella. And the other is really just skeletal concept at the moment. But I am encouraged and uplifted by the creativity I finally feel coursing through me again. I was beginning to think I was going to have to let that part of me die.
I have been struggling with making myself write a little every day. Sometimes it feels like the hardest thing I've done all day. Generally I feel better once I've pushed the words out, but damn does it mentally exhaust me. Despite that I'm grateful.
I'm realizing that I'm fighting through about two years worth of burn-out that I pushed myself through mentally and physically while working in healthcare. I'm spending a lot of time sleeping much to my own chagrin.
At any rate I won't have all this free time for much longer for my constant applications and interviews have paid off. I'm soon going to be joining the work from home population. I'm worried and excited about how this will pan out. I don't start for another two weeks. /keepinmyfingerscrossed
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Red Lingerie
Request: Can I ask for a Sub!reader fix please? Some heavy nsfw?
A/N: Thanks for the request, anon! Very simple request but did I ever struggle to think of something LOL I hope it checks all your heavy NSFW checkboxes and it satisfies your craving! Happy reading! 😏
Couple: Dom!Spencer/Sub Fem!reader
Category: Smut (NSFW 18+)
Content warning: Unprotected sex, choking, oral sex (male receiving), rough sex, creampie, hair pulling, overstimulation, fingering, penetrative sex, degradation, slight bondage, spanking, slapping, dom/sub dynamic, spitting, swearing
Word count: 5k
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Valentine’s Day was a day to celebrate the love between two lovers. Too bad your lover was away during the day. You two wanted to go out for a nice Valentine brunch, go for a romantic walk down by the lake before going home for the day to enjoy each other’s company. It was supposed to be extra special considering you two hadn’t spent a lot of time together for weeks.
Unfortunately for you, your boyfriend had an unpredictable job. He left a week before Valentine’s Day which earned him a huge, exaggerated sigh from you before you accepted he would be absent. You were excited to show him the special outfit you had planned for the night portion of your Valentine’s Day extravaganza. It was a little number you had picked up a few months prior because you felt as if you dripped sex in it.
When you tried it on in the store and looked at yourself, you felt as if you were the most beautiful version of a femme fatale. The mesh babydoll dress with mid-thigh high matching mesh stalkings that had a cute lace pattern at the top. The lace at the top of the stockings matched with the red lace thong that accompanied the outfit. Faux red feathers decorated the bottom of the mesh babydoll dress and a generous amount of the feathers covering your breasts. You knew it had to be yours immediately for not only your eyes to appreciate but for Spencer’s eyes as well.
You stood in front of the bathroom mirror with the lingerie hanging from your fingertips as you pressed it up against your nude body. You sighed as you thought of what could have been. You tossed the outfit aside as the chances of Spencer coming home for Valentine’s night was slimming by the hours. Even though you weren’t going to wear it you decided you could at least get ready as if you were about to wear it. You opened the cupboard and pulled out your favourite lotion that made your skin feel amazing. You then pulled out your hair products and tools.
You reached for your phone on the bathroom counter to change the playlist on your phone to something uplifting. Sometimes you needed the motivation to style your hair into something decent. You noticed a text from Spencer on your lock screen. You raised a curious eyebrow as you saw the message he had sent you. A smile instantly spread across your face and you could feel your heart race in excitement. You put down your phone before picking up your red lingerie piece.
You placed it against your body again. You admired yourself in the mirror once more but this time you looked more energized, over the moon even. You used your free hand to press the lingerie closer against your body as you rand your hand down it to mimic how Spencer’s hand would caress your body in a few minutes.
“I guess I am going to be his little whore tonight.”
You spent the next 20 minutes preparing yourself for his arrival. You knew how much he loved seeing you all dolled up for him. It made the unwrapping process so much more enticing for him. He loved stripping you from perfection down to the desperate whore you masked behind your perfect hair and put-together look. You loved the way he looked at you once he had you how he wanted you. It was as if you were his candy he wanted to indulge in over and over and over again.
You made sure your hair was perfectly done with not a single strand out of place. You made sure every part of your body had your favourite lotion portioned on it. You then pulled up your mid-thigh high stockings before slipping on your lace panties. You then completed your ensemble with the red baby doll dress. You made sure to fix your hair in the mirror one last time before leaving the bathroom to get yourself positioned.
Before you went on the bed, you went to the dresser and selected his favourite perfume of yours. You sprayed your neck once on the left and then once on the right. You lightly sprayed your breasts for him. You then sprayed your wrist and rubbed your wrists together to pass on the scent to the other. You placed the perfume bottle back in its spot and went to turn off the bedroom light.
When the lights went off the only light pouring in was from the February moonlight. You went to the side table to turn on the lamp to add a bit more light to the room. You didn’t waste any more time lingering on the small things as you knew he’d be home any minute now. You crawled in the bed to get yourself ready for his arrival. You laid on your side with one hand propping your head up with the other laying on your side.
It was as if he knew you were ready for him because not even a minute passed by when you heard the apartment door open. You felt your heart race again as you could hear him place his keys down on the side table next to the door and heard his footsteps walking towards the bedroom. He wasn’t even in your presence yet and you were already getting wet at the mere thought of all the things he would do to you.
He opened the bedroom door to see you waiting for him on the bed with your red lingerie. He had a large bouquet of red and white roses wrapped in a light pink wrapping paper. You believed he wanted to surprise you with them but you had beat him to the surprise of the night. He stood there, frozen, analyzing every inch of your body.
You smiled at him. “Are those roses for your favourite whore?”
He smirked before he started to move again. He walked over to the empty chair in the room and placed the flowers on it. He looked back over at you before taking off his suit jacket. You eagerly changed your position from laying down to being on your knees on the bed.
He walked over to you as he started to undo his tie. As soon as he stood in front of you, you couldn’t help but put your hands on his face. You looked at him with an overbearing lust in your eyes as you caressed your hands down to his neck to pull him closer to you. You took a hold of his undone tie with both hands as you stared into his desired driven eyes.
“Please make me your whore for tonight,” you begged.
He tried his best to refrain from breaking into a smile from how needy you sounded. He placed his hands on the back of your thighs and caressed them gently up and down. Your muscles loosened up under his touch and you just wanted him to wreck you already.
“I don’t think you’re ready to be my whore tonight,” he said.
You pouted. “I am. I want you to fuck me like a dirty whore. I want you to use me as a cum dump.”
He nested his head in the crook of your neck. You could feel his steady breathing on your neck before he planted two kisses on your neck. You let out an eager moan as you tugged on his tie to get some kind of response from him. He hit your earlobe softly before placing his mouth close to your ear.
“You want to be a cum slut not just a simple whore,” he whispered.
“I’ll be whatever you want me to be. If you want me to be your cum slut, I’ll be your cum slut. If you want me to be a filthy whore, I’ll be-”
You gasped as you felt him shove two of his fingers into you. You felt his fingers steadily flick against your g-spot. You moaned out a hungry as you desperately wanted him to continue. He had you right where he wanted you and you wanted to continue being in his lustful grasp.
“I’ll decide what you are and what you’re not tonight. Do I make myself clear?” He asked.
“Y-yes, sir,” you whimpered.
He took out his fingers from inside you. He leaned away from you and you immediately dropped your grip on his tie. From the way he looked at you it was clear he was ready to use you like the whore you wanted to be treated like. He placed his fingers on your mouth and then shoved them in so you could taste yourself. You moaned in delight to let him know you enjoyed the taste.
“I need a good vessel for my dick. Do you think your whore mouth can do that?” He asked.
You nodded in response. He took his fingers out of your mouth and immediately gripped your neck. He pulled you close to his face so you could see how disappointed he looked.
“I think a desperate whore like you can use her words,” he said.
“My whore mouth can do anything for you, sir,” you said.
“I don’t want to hear any gagging. You’re going to take my dick like a deprived whore. Am I making myself fucking clear?” He asked.
“Yes, sir,” you responded.
Without another word exchanged, he pushed you down to the side with you looking up to the ceiling. He gripped onto your hair and yanked your head so it would dangle off the bed. Even though you could see he still had his pants on you didn’t wait to open your mouth to prepare yourself for his dick.
You watched eagerly the upside-down image of him undressing. He threw his tie on the bed which could only mean he was planning on using it later. He threw off his dress shirt and flung it on the ground. He then unbuttoned his dress pants and pulled them off just leaving his underwear on.
He approached your mouth and rested his bulge on your mouth. You licked the fabric which concealed what you really wanted in your mouth. You could feel his hard dick through the fabric which made you overly excited and overly wet.
“Pull it off if you want it so bad, whore,” he demanded.
You didn’t hesitate to yank his underwear off. His dick slapped you on your face as it bounced out which made you smile. With no more delay, he shoved it in your mouth. You tried your hardest not to gag on it, especially when he went right into fucking your mouth.
He pulled down the top of your babydoll dress to reveal your breasts. He gripped your right breast into his right hand with a mighty grip on it. You let out a powerful moan in response. He slapped your breast and you felt the sting linger before he did it again.
“Did I tell you to make a fucking noise? Your mouth is for sucking my dick, not for commentary,” he said as he slapped your breast again.
Your facial muscles flinched but you didn’t make another sound. If you wanted to be his whore for the night, you had to do everything he said. You knew what he had in store for you was going to be a night of sexual thrills.
You then felt his hands messing around with your underwear. You heard a slight rip of lace but didn’t care since you expected it to happen. When he was in the zone, clothing couldn’t keep him from getting what he wanted from you. You soon felt his fingers back in you stroking your g-spot. You tried your best to refrain from moaning even though he was pushing you towards it.
“Your whore pussy’s as wet as your fucking mouth. I can’t choose which one to cum in first,” he said.
You felt your legs tremble as he started to stroke your g-spot even more intensely. You tried your best not to make a single sound and continued to let him fuck your mouth. Your spit started to leak out of your mouth and go down your face. You could feel it go down your cheeks, past your forehead, and into your hair in an overflowing, bubbly stream.
Your focus switched from your hair to your clit when you felt him fiercely circling your clit. You couldn’t even hide how badly your legs trembled and you could no longer hold back your moans. You let out a cry of a moan repeatedly. Your sounds only motivated him to go faster and faster around your clit. His thrusts inside your mouth started to become more rapid and deep to the point where his dick was touching your throat.
“I thought I told you not to say a fucking word while I’m fucking your disgusting whore mouth,” he said.
You couldn't even respond to plea your case as his thrusts weren’t lightening up and neither was his hand around your clit. He stopped circling your clit and landed a harsh slap on your overstimulated clit. You let out a muffled shriek as the slap tingled throughout your body. He then went back to circling it for a few seconds before slapping it again. You arched your back as you muffled out another shriek.
“You were fucking begging me to treat you like a whore and you can’t even put out like one. You better be the fucking best cum slut right now if you want a chance to get fucked,” he said.
He went back to circling your clit as you tried to maintain your cool. Then you felt it. You felt a tingling sensation overcome your body. You tried to hold it back. You tried extremely hard to. Then he put his fingers back in you to stroke your g-spot relentlessly. You had no choice at that point but to cum.
You arched your back further as you let your orgasm take over your body. You moaned loudly around his mouth but he didn’t let up from fucking your mouth. He also wasn’t done with you. You felt him roughly squeeze your left breast in response to you having an orgasm. You let out a muffled shriek in response.
He went back to rapidly circling your overstimulated clit. You were still on a high from your orgasm so you couldn’t control anything any longer. You could feel tears forming in your eyes from how overwhelmed your pussy felt from his touch. You muffled a scream around his dick as you felt yourself squirt. He slapped it one last time which nearly made you jolt off the bed.
“You weak fucking whore. You get a little overstimulated and you decide to cum,” he said.
You didn’t attempt to moan anything. He didn’t give you the chance to anyway. He grabbed the back of your head to push your mouth all the way on his dick. You couldn’t hold back your gag as he hit the back of your throat. You could feel the tears drip from your eyes to join your saliva in your hair.
You couldn’t even move back from it with the way he gripped your head. He had you exactly where he wanted you and where you wanted him to have you. In no more than a few seconds you felt his cum in your mouth. You coughed since it tickled the back of your throat. He soon pulled it out to look at you. You let out a few more coughs and some of his cum managed to leak out of the side of your mouth.
He didn’t ignore your little slip-up. He slapped you on your cheek as a response to wasting his cum. You took it with no complaint because you knew you were being bad for wasting his cum after you begged for it. You already disappointed him with disobeying his demand of you being quiet and now this. You were definitely in for some big trouble.
“What kind of fucking cum slut wastes cum?” He asked as he slapped you again.
“A bad one, sir,” you whimpered.
“Don’t beg for shit if you can’t fucking deliver,” he said with another slap to your cheek.
“I’m so sorry, sir. I promise I’ll be a good cum whore from now on, sir,” you begged.
He grabbed you by your hair and sat you up on the bed. He then yanked you off the bed with your still slightly shaky legs. You got off and he pulled you down to your knees so you were face to face with his dick.
“Apologize to it,” he said as he shoved your face into his pelvis.
“I’m sorry,” you said.
“Sorry for what?” He asked.
“For wasting your cum,” you said.
He shoved your head down towards his balls. You assumed he wanted you to put them in your mouth to show how really sorry you were. You placed them in your mouth and sucked on them until a fresh pool of saliva escaped your mouth. He then pulled you away and forced you to look up at him. You could see this desire mixed with fury in his eyes. You could feel a tingle run down your spine again. If he could send chills down your spine with just a look he definitely owned you. You could have just melted into a pool with the way he looked as if he wanted to fuck his rage into you.
“Do you think you deserve punishment?” He asked.
“Yes, I do, sir. I’ve been such a bad cum slut,” you said.
He slapped you on the cheek with his free hand. “Don’t dare call yourself a cum slut until you can properly take cum. Fucking get up.”
He didn’t give you the chance to stand on your own two feet before he yanked you up by your hair. He pulled off your red babydoll lingerie dress and tossed it aside. He then threw your torso onto the bed, leaving your legs to be close to the floor. He pulled down your underwear and you stepped out of it. You felt him roughly squeeze your right ass cheek as if he was trying to find the right spot or the most tender part. You knew exactly what he was going to do and only a second later did he do it.
You let out a scream as he harshly spanked your right ass cheek. It stung so bad you knew it was going to leave some sort of bruise in the morning. He then did it again in the same spot. You screamed again as you tensed your right ass cheek from the pain. You knew his hand was in the air for a third one on the same spot so out of instinct you placed the back of your hand on the spot he hit. You could feel the heat radiating off from it.
“You fucking slut,” he said.
He grabbed your wrist and yanked it away from the spot he had hit. He then grabbed your other wrist and held them both together with his right hand. You turned your head to the left to see what he was going to do next. You saw him reach for his tie he had thrown on the bed and knew the chances of you using your hands for the rest of the night were slim.
He tied your wrists together as tightly as he possibly could. He made sure you weren’t able to interfere with his punishment any further. He yanked on his tie to see if it was tight enough. You knew they were tight enough just by the way they squeezed your wrists. They would definitely leave a mark once you were untied.
He noticed you looking at what he was doing. You immediately looked away so he wouldn’t think you were trying to overpower him in any way. You were genuinely curious as to what he was doing. You knew he wouldn’t accept that answer at all.
You felt his body closer to you as if he was leaning over you. You felt his teeth dig into your shoulder and you let out a short yelp. Then he did it again and again and again across your shoulder until he reached your ear. You bit your lip so you wouldn’t make another weak sound.
He grazed his lips on your ear. “This is exactly why a slut like you needs someone like me to keep you in line.”
You nodded your head still without looking at him. You felt his hand grab the back of your neck. He turned it so you had to face him. His eyes were low and his breathing was oddly calm and steady. You hadn’t even done much work but you knew you looked wild and untamed compared to him. Exactly how he loved you to look.
“Isn’t that right, slut?” He asked.
“Yes, sir,” you whimpered.
“You’re going to take your punishment and you’re going to fucking love it. Are we clear on that?” He asked.
“Yes, sir,” you said.
He leaned up and didn’t waste a second. You felt him spank the same spot for the fourth time. You buried your face into the sheets to prevent your scream from hitting his ears. He grabbed your hair and yanked it up.
“Say how much you fucking love it,” he demanded as he sparked the same spot.
“I fucking love it,” you screamed with tears stinging your eyes again.
“Keep saying it,” he said as he spanked the same spot again.
“I fucking love it. I fucking love it. I fucking love it. I fucking love it,” you repeatedly shrieked as he continued to spank the same spot.
He then let your hair go. You let your head fall onto the bed in silent relief. You breathed heavily into the sheets as you took the time to catch your breath. It didn’t even sting anymore. After the fifth time it almost became numb. Obviously your punishment wasn’t over though. He yanked your head up by his right hand this time.
“Next cheek,” he said.
His announcement was followed by a deafening spank on a fresh canvas. You bit your lip hard as you tried not to scream. You let your tears freely escape your eyes as he did it again.
“I fucking love it. I fucking love it,” you repeated as he spanked you repeatedly.
“That’s what a fucking cum slut should act like. Pathetic and desperate,” he said as he spanked you again.
“I’m a pathetic fucking cum slut,” you screamed as he spanked you again.
He yanked your hair. “And what are you fucking desperate for?”
“Your cum in my pussy,” you screamed as he spanked you again.
He yanked you up so you were standing in front of him. He shifted your body so you were facing away from the bed. He yanked your hair back so you could see his face. By the way he looked at you, you knew it was time. You tried to refrain from smirking to avoid another round of spanks.
“You better make me fucking happy,” he said.
“I’m your fucking cum dump, sir. I won’t waste it again, I swear,” you said.
He then pushed you over so you were at a 90-degree angle. You had nothing supporting you by your legs and your back. Your hands were still tied and you had no bed to rest on. You knew this was his way of testing how committed you were to his need for you to be his willing cum slut.
He grabbed your ass and you let out a soft yelp from the sting that ran through your body. You waited in anticipation as you could feel his dick outside of your hole. You wanted to move back so bad to take him into you fully. You had to keep reminding yourself about the stinging of your ass to calm your desire for him to fuck you.
He cut you from your thoughts as he pushed you back onto his dick. You shrieked out of surprise as you felt his whole dick enter you. He kept pushing you back and forth instead of thrusting into you. It was a unique choice but a calculated move. He for sure wanted to test you and you weren’t one to make a mistake twice. It was hard keeping your balance as your stockings were sliding against the hardwood floor.
“Keep your fucking balance, slut,” he demanded.
“Yes, sir,” you moaned.
You straightened yourself up as you continued to let him use you in the way he pleased. You could hear him making slight groaning sounds which you hadn’t heard all night. You just knew he was in love with the way his dick felt in you. You started to think he realized how good of a cum slut you could be with a pussy like yours. Your mouth could use a bit more work but he could never complain about the way your pussy hugged his dick so well.
“Your pussy sounds as if it’s ready for cum,” he said.
You took the time to hear the way your pussy sounded when his dick went in and out of you. You smiled at the sound of it. He then sped up the pace. Nothing but his groans, your moans and the sound of your juices sounded the room.
“My slut pussy wants your cum in me,” you moaned.
He continued to move you back and forth on his dick at a rapid pace to what you guessed was to come to his finish. Your legs started to wobble and become unstable as his strokes made you unbalanced. You arched forward as the pleasure of him fucking you was taking over your whole body.
He smashed you against him all the way. You shrieked at the thrill of having his dick all the way in you. You didn’t even care about the sting you felt when your ass hit his body. He grabbed your hair to pull you all the way up so your body was against his. He pulled your hair back so you could look at him again.
He placed his mouth against your neck to bite it. You moaned loudly in satisfaction and widened your eyes as you felt him full you with his cum. You bit your lip as he slowed down his pace to gently fuck his cum into you.
“Let’s see how good your slut pussy took my cum,” he said into your neck.
He pulled out his dick from you and reached down to rub his finger up your pussy. You shivered at his touch and let out a soft moan as he inspected. He brought his finger up so you both could see how well you did. There was a little bit of cum on his fingers. You eagerly opened your mouth and stuck your tongue out. He gave in to your eagerness by glazing his cum on your tongue.
You gladly took his cum into your mouth. You made sure to show him how happy you were to have his cum in your mouth again. You wanted him to know you wouldn’t dare waste another drop of his cum. You opened your mouth to show him every trace of his cum was gone.
“Now that’s how a cum slut takes cum,” he said.
“Does that mean I can always be your cum slut, sir?” You asked.
“You have major potential, slut,” he said.
He used his other hand to grip the side of your cheeks. He squeezed them hard enough for you to open your mouth. He spit into your mouth. He let go of your face and watched you swallow his spit. You opened your mouth to show him you could swallow more than cum to make him happy.
“I’m dedicated to being your personal cum slut,” you said.
“I love to hear that, slut. I can’t wait to use you again,” he said.
“Maybe another day though. I think I overworked you tonight,” he said.
He let your hair go as he backed up from you. He untied your wrists and you could feel the circulation back in your hands. You watched him go over to the chair and pick up the bouquet of roses. He looked back at you with a gentle smile but still had lust glazing over his eyes. He walked over to you with the bouquet.
“For my favourite cum slut,” he said.
You smiled as you took the bouquet from him. He grabbed your face to pull you closer to him. He hit you with a huge, pleasure-filled kiss. It felt as if he waited to give you this kiss from the time he walked through the door. He backed away from you and leaned into your neck to kiss it.
“I know you wore that perfume for me. Don’t think I didn’t notice. I love a cum slut who cares about the little details for me,” he whispered in your neck.
“I would do anything for you, sir. Thank you for the flowers,” you said.
He leaned up from your neck to look at you. He grabbed your neck gently which brought a proud smile to your face. He grabbed your ass which caused you to yelp pathetically. It brought a smile to his face.
“There are also chocolate covered-strawberries in the kitchen for you. Eat up so you have the energy to be my cum slut again. I want to give your mouth a second chance,” he said.
“Thank you, sir. I promise I won’t disappoint this time,” you said.
He kissed you gently on the lips. “I love to hear that. Happy Valentine’s Day, slut.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day, sir.”
—–
MASTERLIST
Tagged: @shadyladyperfection, @slutforthegubes, @pinkdiamond1016, @spencerreidsthings, @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto, @slutforsr @bxtchboy69, @fallinallinmendes @haihappen5 @mgg-theprettiestboy @siltuz-png @ptrs-prkrs @tclaerh @agentadhd @alexmarie29 @closetedreidstan @mac99martin @blxckhearthood @jesspavlik0vsky @katexrichardson @keniaasf @reidbuck @corishirogane3 @thegoddamncrazycatlady @keniaasf @pastelbabygirl19 @shadybagelsludgecolor @bootycrackraisinjuice @vintagebeauty1496 @laneybobeczko-g @littlewierdalien @cynbx @calm-and-doctor
#spencer reid#dr. spencer reid#dr.spencer reid#Spencerreid#spencer reid x y/n#Spencer Reid fic#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid smut#mgg#spencer reid fanfiction#Matthew Gray Gubler#Criminal Minds#criminalminds#Criminal Minds Fanfiction#criminal minds fic#criminal minds smut
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When the trending discussion always comes up I feel like any opinion I have about it is wrong or I word it weirdly. Both of very important and deserve to be discussed but yelling at people not to trend MCC isn’t going to help further activism. But I feel like saying that dismisses BLM as well. People can talk about two things at once and talking about one doesn’t mean you don’t care about the other. The trending tab is there and just bc it’s not number one doesn’t mean nobody cares about it. But again I feel like I’m dismissive once again. I just don’t know what to say
I think firstly twitter can be used to uphold issues yes but it is not an actual source people should use for anything. Twitter relies on quick snapshots of things that doesn't allow for nuance or context.
Like its I think the biggest place where people read a headline and move on.
BLM is an issue that wasn't invented with George Floyd and it won't go anywhere tomorrow. This is not an issue that fades with the trending page. But that is exactly how Twitter treats it.
The same way Pride will be shoved away in the closet till next June when companies can bust out the rainbow paint and milk the money. This is the one month where Youtube is going to be most willing to do something like MCC with the Trevor Project. It's one day to raise a shit ton of money for Queer kids. That's real activism. Whether it trends on Twitter or not it will be a massive drive. But this one event being able to raise that much money for queer people well that helps black too. Queer politics is all about intersectionality. It's not supposed to be us against each other that's literally what the government wants. Intersectionality is not a topic everyone is ready to talk about because the way we're raised is always gonna be us vs them. Classism, racism, respectability politics. It's buried deep.
BLM is such an important issue. One that affects me and my family personally. I go to protests. I write my reps and senators. I study this in college. And I can say without a shadow of a doubt if it trends on Twitter tomorrow it's so a bunch of kids can pat themselves on the back and say they'd supported and uplifted black voices. the same ones who are celebrating the sentence as if George Floyd didn't lose his life for this cop to get a 22 year sentence, as if drug dealers haven't gotten longer. This was not a tragedy it was murder plain and simple, racially charged murder that deserves a life sentence, a life for a life.
Okay sorry I'm getting worked up here and I'm not mad at you anon not in any way. I totally understand your frustration here honestly. I don't even know if I'm expressing myself well. I'm just on the phone with my dad (he's black) and he's telling me how he was arrested once and never given a phone call or read his rights. He sat in a cell for a long weekend before they charged him a massive fine cause he was sleeping in his car on a side road. (he was on a road trip) okay he thought the cops were going to kill him in the woods he swears to god the fact that he was Air Force saved his life that night. Like I just I can't focus on anything well. And like now I'm so fucking angry at the MCYTWT people for this.
This idea that trending a charity is overshadowing BLM says more about the people on Twitter than anything. But it just god it's like holding up that stupid tweet Techno made when he was 16/17 (a joke which seriously? everyone and their brother made that joke in high school) next to the thousands of dollars he's donated to LGBT+ charities (and that he'll raise for MCC) and deciding yes he hates lesbians. It's preformative and it's stupid as fuck. They need to be given a hug and assurance that they're being good and pure, that who they're watching or what they're saying is unproblematic.
Okay activism is not a fucking trend on twitter. It's an unending practice of striving for systematic change. A suicide prevention hotline to make sure LGBT+ kids are gonna stay here and do amazing things? That sounds pretty fucking important to me. As important as making sure the police are held actually accountable for their actions. Twitter could be fucking deleted tonight and that wouldn't change how actual activists operate. It just wouldn't.
Also burning yourself out with the news is never gonna help. I'll be at work tomorrow but I'll make sure to get some donos in. Tweet or don't but I hope people still support MCC because it's important. And yes keep an eye on BLM always not just when it's trending. Yeah I don't even know how to end this rant but um yeah I feel you. And I hope you're taking care of yourself.
#ask#okay to rb#and add on but don't like clown#this is a lot of ranting it's a lot yeah#mcc#negativity#discourse
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i appreciate that you are being way better about the stuff going on than most of the people actually involved in it who have resorted to stalking each others blogs to try to find anything they can use as a bludgeon. i feel like all parties involved should just block and step away for their own mental health, no ones going to budge on anything like this
I think everyone needs to chill the fuck out. I get it - I actually really struggle disconnecting myself, and lord knows I spend too much time looking at people I dislike on tumblr.
I have a tendency to obsess over those who hate me, because it, to me, means I’m doing something wrong (yay, trauma response!) It’s just a thing folks do. I’ve been trying to get better about it.
It’s actually been a really bad month for me in terms of not obsessing! But the thing is… this blog isn’t for that. Like.
It’s really, really not hard to keep your ideas private. I bitch CONSTANTLY in servers about some of the goings on in tumblr-world. But this blog is for light venting, memes sometimes, and discussions of syscourse that I feel can be educational or uplifting. NOT for… whatever the fuck is going on over there.
Not to mention, I don’t really want anything to do with that drama. Many of the folks involved have been vehemently against me and spread misinformation about both me and my blog. Why on earth would I WANT to interact?
Good luck to everyone involved. Drink water, take a deep breath, get food, and put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
#did#dissociative identity disorder#syscourse#plural#osdd#traumagenic#other specified dissociative disorder#actually traumagenic#endos#mods#co-con#co con hell#QueerAutism#QueerAutism Vagueposting#Since this question is about that drama
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If Glee did a Taylor Swift Tribute Episode...
Just my opinions, feel free to add on to them. I know I have some fellow gleek swifties following me. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Obviously they have to do some of the hits but I think some people would have some out of the box picks.
*This post assumes all Taylor songs are available to choose from as of May 14th 2021 but focuses on Taylor’s first 6 albums (if you want more glee and Taylor I have fics with that; LOVER and FOLKLORE) and takes liberties with where this episode’s placement is in terms of canon. But since it’s all made up anyway who cares (but Blaine’s involved so I guess season 3 idk).*
Okay, trying to do a full plot here (completely inspired by @kurtdeservesbetter head canon posts. I hope this lives up to her fabulous posts). This will be my version of glee so everyone gets solos and Rachel can’t hog the spotlight. Also, this is about to be super long (both post wise and episode wise).
Let’s open the first episode with
...Ready For It because the New Directions are in their reputation era. Santana does the opening cough centerstage. Everyone in black and/or camo green outfits (can you just see Kurt in a dark green bedazzled snake jacket, Santana in a black leather dress, and Tina digging out some goth clothes for people to borrow?), snakes everywhere, but probably no Karyn (she just wouldn’t fit on the auditorium stage). Santana takes the first verse but we have Blaine step up for verse 2. (I just love their friendship in the Michael tribute, cute little badasses are BACK. Also him singing “Burton to this Taylor” is such a Klaine thing to do).
Everyone is still dressed in their rep outfits but we’re in the choir room now. Mr. Schue is talking about why Taylor had to disappear and clap back with rep, how rough the industry is for women and tries to uplift the ladies in the room and encourage them to not silence their voices (cue snarky comment from Santana about Rachel needing to be silent).
Then, Mr. Schue goes on about how you can only understand how Taylor got to her rep era by studying her earlier music. So we have a performance of Tim McGraw. Simple, front of the choir room performance, maybe Puck does guitar, and sitting on stools.
Everyone is surprised to find out how pumped Sam is for this assignment but he is all over it. “It's about time we did some country in this room.” Cue Sam and Quinn at her locker talking about their ‘date’ last night, Sam’s all cute and teasing and Quinn is not into it. She tells him it was fun but she was wrong, they shouldn’t do this again. In turn, he does a wonderful performance of Bye Bye Baby. He thought it was more but clearly he’s “a part of her past.”
Then, we’re in the empty choir room. Tina and Mike are there. (I love their cutesy duets) They sing Everything Has Changed and it’s utterly adorable. Can’t you hear Mike asking Tina if she’s “good to go” like Ed does? And while we’re on the subject of cute duets and RED, we flash to the courtyard to see Santana and Brittany. They turn Stay Stay Stay into a duet. “I’ve been loving you for quite some time,” “before you I only dated self-indulgent takers who took all their problems out on me,” “no one else is gonna love me when I’m mad, mad, mad,” and “it’s occurring to me that I’d like to hang out with you for my whole life” it’s perfect for them. Adorable ladies kisses are had.
Let’s toss in some boy drama for fun. Idk shit about football but somehow Puck is praised by their coach over Finn, which gets him all pissy, and Puck’s upset and jealous because Finn is back with Quinn now (this is why Quinn shut Sam now earlier, she changed her mind). Can we say duet of Bad Blood? “So if you’re coming my way...just don’t.”
After their dramatics, we have a Brittany solo in the choir room. It’s after school at this point (or whenever glee club is). Brittany does You’ll Always Find You Way Back Home.
When she finishes Mr. Schue tries to explain that it’s a Hannah Montana song. Britt injects that it’s confusing how she’s really Miley Cryus “like how can you be two people at once?”. Before Mr. Schue can continue, Kurt pipes up “you never specified that the songs had to be sung by Taylor Swift, just that they were her songs.” Mercedes adds, “yeah, Mr. Schue, Taylor wrote that song.” Mr. Schue concedes that he has once again been outwitted by Kurtcedes. The friends do their little hand shake thing.
With a sigh, Mr. Schue asks Mike if he’s ready to go and Mike asks to take things to the auditorium for some dancing room. Everyone’s on stage with him and it’s kind of a group number but Mike is the focus. It’s Shake It Off. All inspired by the music video. He’s tried to fit in elsewhere (i.e. football, with the smart kids, etc..) but he’s really himself in glee when he’s dancing.
Part 2 of Taylor Tribute Episodes
We begin with an ALL GIRL NUMBER of A Place In This World. Just because.
Glee is dismissed and we zoom in on Artie. He’s watching Tina with Mike and Brittany with Santana. Both Tina and Britt have broken his heart by this point. So, he’s rolling down the halls singing A Perfectly Good Heart. While Artie’s soloing, we cut to Rachel watching Finn and Quinn chatting. Artie’s song playing over this scene. Rachel is feeling similar to him at the moment.
She’s pretty sure Finn dumped her to be with Quinn again even though Kurt and Blaine told her they saw Quinn and Sam at the movies last night together making out in the back row. Fine, if that’s how he’s going to be, she doesn’t need him anyway. Cue Mr. Perfectly Fine. Uber dramatic solo performance walking around McKinley’s halls watching Finn and Quinn together ending in the auditorium alone. (see what I did there, both broken hearted peeps singing a song with Perfectly in it (this was not at all planned, actually, happy accident))
After some good old heartbreak, we have Kurt and Blaine on screen. Blaine walks into the auditorium to see Kurt sitting on the edge of the stage. “What’s all the fuss?” he asks from the door. Kurt had texted him “EMERGENCY.” The band starts to play and Kurt just starts singing, Enchanted. It’s time to profess their love for each other, just like they sing Perfect together in the car, this duet needs no audience. Blaine catches up and sings while walking towards his boyfriend. It’s very reminiscent of past New Directions competitions where they come in from the back and make their way to the stage. “Wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you?” Kurt and Blaine both know the answer to that question now but just a few months ago they were both wondering that exact thing.
They kiss before we cut to Kurt and Blaine walking hand in hand into the choir room where everyone else is already. Mr. Schue is praising the performances thus far and of course asks Rachel if she’s ready to solo (some practice for her completion solo). This causes an uproar from Mercedes and Santana. Another classic argument of how she gets too many solos. Mr. Schue tries to shut them both down but Santana tells Rachel to watch her back, and we get three very different reactions to this.
All three girls storm out.
First, we visit Mercedes alone in the courtyard. This solo is all about being hurt over this great thing in her life (glee) and her being denied happiness within that club. Thus, Cold As You. (mostly to indulge myself because she’d blow us away with this song).
Next, Rachel in the auditorium. A huge bridge on stage (very Speak Now Tour of her), belting out Better Than Revenge. Santana’s dropped the last straw (the humiliation, name calling, Finn at one point and now solos,) it’s too much this time.
And finally, Santana walking around McKinley, showing us flashes of Rachel ‘outshining’ her and the rest of glee and Mr. Schue being unfair, while singing Look What You Made Me Do.
Tina walks out at the same time as Rachel, Mercedes, and Santana but no one seems to put two and two together. She feels just as underutilized as the latter two do. She ends up in an empty classroom and sings The Outside. “Nobody ever lets me in” and “on the outside looking in.”
Once the 3, err 4, divas have left the room, Finn sticks up for Rachel. Quinn, of course, has something to say about this along the lines of “you always defend her.” Finn, intimated by her ‘scary Quinn’ fumbles and blurts “because she’s my girlfriend” WHICH IS NOT TRUE AT THIS POINT. Quinn dumps him on the spot, cuts quickly to Blaine and Kurt sharing some ‘oh my god, can you believe this’ expressions, and vanishes from the room.
By this point, Rachel is long gone from the auditorium but the bridge is still there.
Here’s where we go way off script but imagine, Quinn has decided to just quit boys. They’ve all failed her anyway, she’s better off being alone. She walks up the bridge and thinks to herself “god Rachel’s so dramatic, where did this thing even come from” before it hits her “fuck, I’m as bad as Finn. I want her.” Then, she starts singing Clean to herself in the auditorium, likely tearing up throughout and ending with a good cry. (Because Dianna would DELIVER with Clean.)
While Quinn is having a sexuality crisis, the rest of glee is still happening. They’re discussing upcoming competition and debating solos and songs.
Kurt’s all: “Mr. Schue, if I may” and performs a lovely rendition of Call It What You Want. Those opening lines are too good. “My castle (ie McKinley) crumbled overnight, brought a knife to a gun fight (ie couldn’t fight off Dave Karofsky), “I’m doing better than I ever was ‘cause my baby’s fit like a daydream,” and “at least I did one thing right.” When he’s done, Blaine’s a mess in the back of the choir room, and Mr. Schue says: “not really what we’re looking for but very nice, Kurt” however, Kurt’s too busy sitting beside Blaine teasing him about blushing.
Then, the missing girls return to the room having sung out their emotions. Quinn, having realized her feelings for Rachel, ends up soloing You Belong With Me to the New Directions in the choir room. Odd looks all around, no one knows what’s up with her and why does she keep glancing at Rachel? (Faberry just fit so well I had to add it, don’t know if I’m a shipper or not but it’s here now) (also thanks to @spicygemini for pointing out the obvious “Quinn would have ate YBWY”).
Mr. Schue wants to move the group to the audition to perform their final number of the Taylor Swift tribute well but Tina asks to sing first. He’s surprised but allows it, taking a seat with the rest of the New Directions.
Tina sings Beautiful Ghosts. “Watch from the dark, wait for my life to start” because New Directions is refusing to use her talents AGAIN. She’s singing this to Rachel and the girls who were in the Treble Tones. Because she absolutely SMASHES this number, the glee kids agree she gets solo for their next competition (and they deliver on that promise).
To conclude Part 2 of the Taylor tribute episode, we have a group performance of Long Live. “One day we will be remembered”, “all the years we stood there on the sidelines wishing for right now”, “for a moment a band of thrives in ripped up jeans got to rule the world” ie wining completions, “when they look at the pictures please tell them my name...”
#this took so long please enjoy it#Taylor tribute glee episode#glee head canon#gleek swifie#glee#taylor swift
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